Christa Innis

The Mental Load, Modern Motherhood & Drama That Sent Someone Packing — with Paige Connell

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Ever wonder what happens when a mother-in-law goes full wedding meltdown mode? 

This episode dives into an unforgettable wedding story where chaos, drama, and unexpected twists steal the spotlight. From limo mix-ups and cross necklace demands to elopements and courthouse ceremonies, these real-life tales prove weddings rarely go as planned.

Listen as Christa and Paige navigate fiery family dynamics, outrageous demands, and the art of keeping your day stress-free despite unpredictable relatives.

Whether it’s dodging drama or finding joy in the unexpected, these stories remind us that love, and a little patience, always wins.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:39 Viral TikTok and Childcare Costs

04:10 Mission and Content Focus

06:09 Gender Equity and Mental Load

19:09 Wedding Hot Takes and Rapid Fire

24:59 Reading the Wedding Story

25:13 Mother-in-Law’s Wedding Day Meltdown

30:05 Deciding to Elope

31:47 Courthouse Wedding Drama

38:01 Reflections on Weddings and Relationships

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Guest List War – How a simple seating decision spiraled into a full family fight.
  • Bridesmaid Betrayal – The shocking move the bridesmaid made behind her back.
  • Mother-in-Law Overreach – The bold demands that crossed every line.
  • Setting Boundaries Under Fire – The moment the bride decided to stand her ground.
  • Choosing Peace Over People-Pleasing – Why walking away from tradition saved her sanity.
  • The Fallout After the Wedding – The lasting impact of these choices on family relationships.
  • What Paige Would Do Differently – Her biggest takeaway for anyone planning a wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Sometimes the ‘happiest day of your life’ is just the most expensive therapy session.” – Christa Innis
  • “Weddings don’t make people crazy, they just turn up the volume on who they already are.” – Christa Innis
  • “Know your audience and know what you and your partner want ultimately.” – Christa Innis
  • “Family drama doesn’t magically RSVP ‘no’ to your wedding.” – Christa Innis
  • “If someone’s love for you hinges on an invite, it’s not love, it’s leverage.” – Christa Innis
  • “If you haven’t been a parent to young children in a very long time, you don’t know the realities of the cost.” – Paige Connell
  • “My goal with that conversation is to help women articulate what’s happening in their lives so they can better process that with their partner, find equity at home, and hopefully in the workplace as well.” – Paige Connell
  • “We have this narrative of the work that men do outside of the home being really important, if not more important than the work their partner does at home.” – Paige Connell
  • “Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish.” – Paige Connell
  • “Peace was my real wedding gift to myself.” – Paige Connell

About Paige:

Paige is a working mother of four who shares relatable content on TikTok and Instagram, highlighting the everyday experiences of women balancing motherhood, careers, and relationships. Known for her candid insights on the mental load of motherhood and the challenges of creating equity at home and work, Paige’s content resonates with millions. She also advocates for affordable childcare, paid leave, and reproductive rights, sparking important conversations about what families need to thrive. Her impactful voice and relatable storytelling have led to features in Scary Mommy, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and more.

Follow Paige Connell:

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Paige. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. I’m so excited to talk to you. I was just saying before we started recording that I think I first saw you on, I wanna say it was probably TikTok or something and you stitched Dave Ramsey and I love like this like feminist movement where we were just calling out people that maybe say things that are a little harmful to, especially when we talk about moms and the mother load. And I always tend to like just jump right in. 

Paige Connell on the Childcare Crisis and Gender Equity

But can we talk a little bit about what that was? I kinda wanna talk about your platform and how that’s kind of like grown over the years and what you kind of focus on?

Paige Connell: Yeah, sure. So that video in particular was right up my alley because I talk a lot about childcare and he was talking about the cost of childcare.

And so for context, I create content and I started out talking about just being a working mother and. part of that conversation is logistics. How do I make it work? How much do I pay for daycare? What does our schedule look like? Just all of those things. And I was just sharing my lived experience of motherhood, and the very first time I went viral on TikTok was talking about how much I pay for daycare, because people were just astonished at how expensive it is, and, didn’t even believe me transparently. A lot of people were like, that’s not real. And so I spend a lot of time bringing awareness to the childcare crisis because this is something that is happening to most people in our country, like most people and parents are experiencing the high cost of childcare and the impacts of that.

And so. When I saw the video of Dave Ramsey saying $25,000 a year for childcare, like, that’s not real. I felt like I had to respond because it is very real. It is the lived experience of many, many families, and for me, he’s a financial expert. He should understand the finances of the people he’s speaking to and the fact that this is the reality for most people in our country.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think when. You get to a certain, I don’t know, I would say platform of his, He can’t really relate to the common person, the common family. and so I feel like, I feel like your content is so necessary because so many moms might go in and see something like this, and it’s like, oh wait, I shouldn’t be paying this. Or like, this isn’t normal, but like we can’t relate to someone like that, that actually is not in it. Right.

Paige Connell:  Totally. Yeah. I think first and foremost, I think he’s of a different generation, and so childcare looks different today than it did even 10 years ago. And so if you haven’t been a parent to young children in a very long time, you don’t know the realities of the cost, right?

So I think in that way he’s out of touch. But it is his job to be in touch with what the average experience is of parents in our country, especially if he’s giving out financial advice, but I also think just in general, Dave has a very specific idea of what it should look like, right? He had a stay at home partner. He personally likes that, right? Like that idea of women providing that childcare, or at least he insinuates that in some of his content. And, yeah. You know, I just think it’s, he has a very specific platform and form of advice that he gives, and I just felt like in that instance, you know, I’m not a financial expert. I don’t pretend to be, but in that instance, he was saying something that I felt like was so outlandish and out of touch that it had to be addressed in some way.

Christa Innis: So I know I kinda jumped the gun right into like that conversation that I saw. But can you tell everyone a little bit more about what you post about on your page, your content, and what you feel your mission has become, with your posting?

Paige Connell: Sure. So yeah, I talk a lot about being a working mother and the realities of what modern marriage and motherhood look like specifically for women. I will say my following on all platforms is 99% women, sometimes 98. You know, it fluctuates. But it’s mostly women because my content for them is relatable and it’s something that they understand and see themselves in.

I would say the thing that most people know me for is speaking about the mental load specifically as it relates to motherhood, but I speak about it in general as well. And my goal with that conversation is to help women articulate what’s happening in their lives so they can better process that with their partner, find equity at home, and hopefully in the workplace as well.

And as part of that mission, I also talk about systemic things like lack of pay, parental leave, lack of affordable childcare, the motherhood penalty in the workplace. So my overarching goal is to help women advocate for gender equity in all facets of life. So not, being the default parent by default, right?

All of these things that I think as a society have been very normal for very long, but are leading women to feel burnt out and exhausted, and I do that through. Sharing my own experience, but also just thought leadership on these topics in general.

Christa Innis:  Yeah, I love that. It’s so powerful and it’s funny, I mention it every time and time again, but like before doing all of this, I worked for a mommy brand and ironically it was before I had my daughter and so but with that, it was, I heard firsthand stories from moms, like struggling to go back to work, having to go back to work after six weeks or unpaid leave. And when I started kinda like digging into it, I was like, this is outrageous. Like it’s, we’re in a country where they want us to have more kids, but then there’s no support when you do have those kids.

Why Paid Parental Leave and Shared Care Matter

So what do you think are the biggest like things like work. I mean, workplaces is one thing. What can workplaces do? What can we do as a society to kind of like raise awareness to all this stuff?

Paige Connell: I think talking about it first and foremost is really important, bringing these topics up. You know, the things I’ve mentioned, childcare, paid parental leave. We often view these as women’s issues, when in reality they’re a family issue. They should be impacting anyone who is a parent, not just women, but women are the ones that disproportionately take on this work, right? So if there’s no childcare, who stays home?

Christa Innis: Typically, mom.

Paige Connell: Who adjust their career? Typically, mom. 

Right. And so that’s just a societal expectation. And then sometimes people will point to the fact that, well, oh, the husband makes more money. And that just points the wage gap, right? It’s just like, it’s this kinda like chicken and egg thing, right? We’re struggling at home, we’re struggling in the workplace, and they’re really tied together.

And so I think on an individual level. I like to tell people this is not a failure. Like if you’ve ended up in a position where you’re burnt out and exhausted and you’re struggling with the mental load and your career has taken a hit due to childcare or whatever it might be. You’re not alone in that.

That’s not a personal failure, that’s a systemic failure across the board. But also there’s certain things that are within our control that we can do. And so we can’t fix all the systems at one time, but we can do some things, which is, for example, if your husband has access to paid parental leave, he should be taking it.

So many men don’t. So many men have access and they don’t take it, and they don’t take it because they’re afraid it’s gonna hurt their career, which ultimately just hurts women’s careers more and hurts their partners and their baby and all of the things. And so, we need men to be doing that. We need, policies that support parents in the workplace.

So adequate sick time, adequate paid leave, flexible work schedules. We need to stop these return to office mandates that disproportionately impact women, right? Like there’s all these things, but also within our homes. One of the reasons I suggest paid parental leave not suggest I strongly encourage, is because when men take it, they’re more likely to carry that mental load with their partner from the beginning and.

The mental load disparity happens very, very early on, typically even before you have kids. I think about, when my husband and I were in our twenties and we were going to a million weddings, I always bought the gift and the card and booked the hotel and coordinated all the things, and he was there, but I was coordinating it, right?

Like I carried that mental load. It wasn’t super heavy until we had kids, and so being aware of these dynamics in advance and talking about them with your partner, putting systems in place to avoid one person carrying too much, that’s something we can do, and there’s tools to do that.

Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s such an important conversation that a lot of families don’t, either don’t have or don’t know they should or can have them because it’s just, that’s the way it was when I grew up.

Or my dad went to work, my mom was home. So I just thought that’s how it went. And I think, like I said, with working at the mom brand, I was able to see like. I don’t want that when I go through postpartum, I need my part. It was like, have your partner support you, get your partner involved in the process.

Because so many women would like tell me like, oh, my husband wasn’t even in the room when I gave birth. Or he went right back to work the next day. Yeah. And even if they had a choice to stay home, they’re like, oh, well I gotta work. And it’s just like, you don’t realize if you are setting your family up for failure if you don’t take that time as a partner, to the one that gave birth, right? And so I feel like it’s such an interesting conversation because that push and pull between work and sticking up for your family essentially.

Paige Connell: Yeah. And I think, you know, it’s the narrative, right?

We’ve put a real premium in our country on men being providers and doing the paid work and women doing the unpaid care work at home. And so even like the overnight feedings I’ve said on social media, like, dad should be doing some of those, even if they’re partners breastfeeding, like they can change the diaper, they can soothe the baby. And men are like, well, I have work tomorrow. It’s like, she’s gonna be up tomorrow too. Okay. Like, and doing something incredibly important, which is caring for your newborn. And we have this narrative of this work that men do outside of the home being really important, if not more important than the work their partner does at home.

And so I really think we should push back on that. And I do think most men wanna be good dads. They wanna be good partners. But to your point, like as a society and, kind of what’s been modeled for us just doesn’t show us what that looks like.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking like, oh, how was your, postpartum?

And I realized, I’m like. Obviously I had a lot of challenges and stuff, but I think because like my husband at the time, like where he was working at the time, he got like two weeks off. I was like, this is what it’s gonna be like when I’m, postpartum. Like, I’m gonna need you to help with this. And like, I remember just being responsible for like breastfeeding.

I was like, other than that, he did everything else or we were able to split other things. I would hear of all these moms like having like postpartum depression and obviously that’s so nuanced. There’s so many reasons why women go through that. Right? Totally. But I feel like a lot of it could be helped with a supportive partner or supportive workplaces because a lot of times these women are stressed about going back to work in a few weeks and they’re not getting paid and they have to get their child in daycare and, that’s a lot.

Paige Connell:There’s a lot. you even mentioned daycare. Women are typically the ones finding childcare, and that’s really hard to do. And so yeah, it’s not as simple as just being home, taking care of a sleeping baby. You know, it, it’s pretty complex what’s going on. I’m glad to hear that you had the support that you need.

I mean, similar to my husband had. Not a lot of time with our first three kids. He had no time. and then with our fourth, he had four weeks and it was night and day experience for us. Right. It was a vastly different experience for me. and I think that’s so important. I wish everyone had that.

Christa Innis: I know.

It’s like, imagine how it would be if men were like forced, like, you have to be home during these 2, 3, 4 weeks, whatever that looks like. And just support  women.

Paige Connell: Yeah. I mean, some countries do that. They mandate it, that men have to take it, and there’s like specific rules around how that looks. And so yeah, I think unfortunately in order to get men to do it, oftentimes it has to be mandated.

But I do think, more and more men are doing it, but we still need to see that improve across the board and. There’s data to show that, the work that women are doing and the mental, they’re caring it leads to real impact, mental, emotional, physical tolls on women, and that has a long-term impact on their lives and their well-being.

And so if we care about that, if we care about mothers as much as we say we do, then we should prioritize their care.

The Double Standards That Keep Women Carrying the Load

Christa Innis: Yeah. So I bet with like posting this kind of content, I mean, I see it ’cause I follow a lot of content about like talking about, inequality with women or, women empowerment.

There’s always the haters in the comments. What do you think the most, like, not necessarily like hate, comment, or like argument against what you have to say, or, you know, negative comments that people will comment and how do you kind of handle that?

Paige Connell: Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t, I don’t hate men.

I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that like I actually am a person on the internet who says, like, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.

And so it’s worth trying to get them there. But most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. Those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And so, this mostly comes from men.

Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. But those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.

Mm.

Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s like, if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?

But I think they are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the push back or have to carry more of that mental load.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And. one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.

’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, you know, what did I see growing up? What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.

So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer for their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.

Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? Right? Like the moms are there. Like we talk about that. Like the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say like, okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? Like, we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially like.

Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? They’re, looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.

We vary different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. We would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm. But like so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. It’s like, yeah, you, kind of have to be hands-on with the toddler.

Like there’s no other version of parenthood. Right. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are kind of like, yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we truly value.

Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.

Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they just, they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.

Paige Connell: The best dad.

Christa Innis: She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say like stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by her himself. I’m like. Well, he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, like, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stay at home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you know, you saw them for dinner time the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like, something’s shifting.

Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.

And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without push back. obviously, when you’re talking about these, deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good of, everyone. For sure. I agree. what’s your message for anyone listening that. Maybe is, struggling with the mental load right now and doesn’t kind of know the first steps to take either with their partner or their family or their work.

Paige Connell: So with the mental load in particular, I often say the first thing you have to do is just start to understand what it is. I think oftentimes women feel incredibly burnt out and exhausted and they feel like they’re kind of on this hamster wheel they can never get off of. They have this ongoing running to do list that’s always there and never shorter. And they can’t articulate that, right? Like when their partner says What’s wrong, they’re just like, I don’t even know. There’s a million things I could tell you. A million things that I’m stressed out about right now. Right? And so first and foremost, I suggest people familiarize themselves with the terms and what’s actually playing into the mental load.

And so one way to do that is to, we say, make the invisible visible, write things down every thought that pops into your brain, which is like, I have to pay, the school for a raffle basket. My kids need cash ’cause they’re going to the beach tomorrow with camp. I have all these reminders on my phone and I think a really important way to do this is just write everything down.

For a week, two weeks, just write it all down and look at it and you’ll see, you’ll start to see what that mental load looks like. What are the things that are weighing you down? What’s stressing you out the most? What’s causing the most tension? Where do you think your partner can support you?

Where do you feel like you’re strong? being able to look at it in a really concrete way. I use a spreadsheet, I offer this to people, whoever wants it, it’s part of my free guide, but I have a spreadsheet and it just lists a bunch of tasks that most families do. It’s from the book Fair Play. E Rodsky created this game, which is a really great way to make that invisible labor visible.

Doing that is so helpful just for you as a person to be able to see it and say like, okay, this is why I’m tired, like this is why I’m stressed out. and then from there. You can think about having a conversation with your partner, but I often tell women like, sometimes you’re not ready for a conversation with your partner and you just need to be able to say it to your therapist or say it to your best friend and start to articulate what you’re feeling.

And then once you’ve been able to do that, then you can start to have the hard conversations of, okay, well what does it look like for us to change this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I love that. Saying it out loud. ’cause I feel like a lot of times, like as women, we like keep things in until like, yeah. Kind of builds up a little bit and then it’s like you can’t take it anymore.

So, I love that, getting it outside, saying it to a therapist, a friend, and kind of piggybacking off of that. Okay, let’s get into, because I know everyone loves the crazy stories Wedding Hot takes. Let’s get into some different hot takes for weddings. if as we’re kind of talking, you have like any wild wedding stories or wanna share anything, you know, don’t, no pressure to share anything personal if you don’t want to. But, okay. These are hot takes that people sent to me. Here’s what they said. It’s okay to skip traditions that don’t resonate with you, including the white dress.

Paige Connell: Yeah. Why not? My daughter’s daycare teacher just got married and she wore a pink dress, and my daughters are all about it. They’re like, that was beautiful. It was like a baby, like very light, light pink. But they, like a four and 3-year-old are obsessed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So I love that like old princess dress. I know. I feel like there’s so many things that we do with weddings or whatever it else It is, and we don’t like ask why.

We’re just like, let’s just do it. Yeah. Yeah. It says you don’t owe anyone a plus one, especially if they’ve never met the one. Mm, yeah.

 Paige Connell:  Yeah. There’s a weird expectation that you have to give people a plus one. And I think, going back to the finances talk from the beginning, it’s like, it’s expensive to have a wedding and I’m paying for your plus one to be here.

And I think depending on what, who’s funding it, right? Like having that understanding, be able to understand, especially if they’re your close friends, like. I can’t give everybody a plus one, and I think that should be okay. I think context matters if you’re inviting. A coworker who knows no one and you give them no plus one.

I actually think that’s probably pretty uncomfortable for them. If you’re inviting your cousin who has 20 other cousins at the wedding, they don’t need a plus one.

Christa Innis: Right? Yeah. Like your 16-year-old cousin that just started dating someone. I think they can come with their parents like that. That’s fine.

Yeah. I find this interesting thing when I post about either, like if I do a skit about plus ones or kids being invited or something like that. People have this, they either are like, yes, I agree. Like no one needs, you don’t owe anyone an invite. Right? The other side of people are like, just say you’re broke if you’re poor, don’t have a wedding.

I’ve had some people say that and I’m like, just because they’re not inviting the whole world and then some, doesn’t mean they don’t have money or they’re broke. There’s just everything’s nuanced. Right? And it’s just like, I don’t know.

Paige Connell: Yeah. It also reminds me of, like, when I talk about childcare, people will say, well, don’t have kids if you can’t afford ’em.

And it’s like, okay, but I am having kids that I can afford. It doesn’t mean that it’s not expensive. people are having weddings that they can afford. It just means they can’t invite your plus one. So it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s very, to me, it’s very like classicist to be, like, to say, you’re broke. It’s like everybody’s having the wedding that they can afford.

That they, they can afford or that’s within their budget. And if you don’t like it, then don’t attend. Right. Then don’t go. But I don’t think we should judge anybody for the scale of their wedding or how many people they can invite or how expensive it is, because at the end of the day, you know, we’re all living in this world and this economy together.

Right. We all have different means. I think it’s a very strange take to have,

find that so.

Christa Innis: Honestly. Yeah. It’s so interesting. Yeah. That’s such a good point too about the kids comment, because you hear that all the time and it’s like. One, it’s like if just because someone has a budget or they’re like, oh, this is expensive, or we can’t afford to do this because blank, it doesn’t mean like they made a poor choice and why are we why are we putting someone down because of their life? And I don’t know.

Paige Connell: Yeah, it’s also a very privileged take, right? Like we’re all like one bad medical disaster or layoff away from struggling financially like most people in this country. And so if you have that perspective, you can understand that some people maybe aren’t prioritizing plus ones at their wedding because they’re saving for a down payment on a house.

And so they’re not broke. They just have different priorities to you, and that’s okay. But I do think it’s a pretty privilege take to have that. Like, just, just say you’re broke side of it.

Christa Innis: It’s so people are, people are funny in the comments about honeymoon stuff or paying like, um, gifting at a wedding.

All these kind of things that are just like, just do what you can afford. People are more happy to have you be there. It’s like, yeah. Very interesting. 

Rapid-Fire Wedding Chaos: The “Would You Rather” Edition

Okay. To kind of kick off a little bit more, and before we get to the wedding story, this is rapid fire. This is kinda like just a new little wedding chaos, rapid, rapid fire thing. Okay. Um, would you rather have your childhood nemesis in your bridal party or your partner’s ex sitting front row?

Paige Connell: Partner’s ex.

Christa Innis:  Okay. Would you rather have the fire alarms go off during your vows or your mic cut out mid speech?

Paige Connell: Mic.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that happens at like a lot of the weddings, anyway.

Paige Connell: I was gonna say, I, and I’ve been at a wedding where the fire alarm went off. It wasn’t during the vows, but we had to evacuate for a while.

Christa Innis: Oh gosh. I just heard a story where the fire alarm went off. And they all had to go off into the parking lot and they ended up just like the DJ just played music out there and they like opened up a bar outside.

They’re like, we couldn’t afford wait for hours. And I was like, I love that. I love that turn of events where you just make the best of it.

Paige Connell: It’s memorable. Yeah, exactly.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Everyone will always talk about that wedding. Um, would you rather have your cake be made of styrofoam for display or taste like cardboard?

Paige Connell: Styrofoam.

Christa Innis: Would you rather your hairstylist ghost you or your makeup artist show up two hours late.

Paige Connell: Hairstylist ghost me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, would you rather accidentally post your private vows on Instagram or text them to your ex? These are wild.

Paige Connell: Instagram. I’ve said worse on Instagram for sure.

Christa Innis: Right. It’s like at this point someone was asking like how I post content and I’m like, once you kind of start, you’re kind of like, we’re all on this floating rock together.

Like once you Yeah. It’s like once you get it out there, you’re like, I don’t care. Like these sting sometimes still, but for the most part, I’m just like, it feels kind of like, I dunno if you’re ever like scrolling, like TikTok, do you feel like we’re just like, all like on a talent show and we’re all just kinda like posting like different things and like  it kinda just rolls past you after a while.

The Mother-in-Law Who Turned Two Weddings Into a Battlefield

Okay. Let’s get into this week’s wedding submission. As, as always, um, people just send me different stories to react, to give advice or. I guess it’s kind of, I was gonna say unsolicited, but they sent it so I guess it’s solicited. Um, so yeah, feel free to stop me at any time or we can add little side stories. So let’s see. I have not read it, so let’s see how it goes.

Okay. She says, or they say, so this is a long story. It started when my brother-in-law got married a few months before our wedding. My mother-in-law insisted on paying for the reception. The couple offered to chip in because they wanted to include the bride’s grandparents.

My mother-in-law said it was fine and that she would handle everything. Okay. On the day of the wedding, she was incredibly sweet, thanking everyone for coming. But as soon as the guests, including the couple left and the bill came, she completely flipped out. Mind you, this was a low key reception, a buffet at a buffet style restaurant.

My husband tried to calm her down and even covered, offered to cover the cost for the bride’s grandparents, but she refused and said they were all ungrateful. She had also insisted on paying for the limo the bride took to the church. It was chaotic getting ready that day. There were three limos outside and the drivers were directing us where to go.

We even got into one limo and were told it was the wrong one, so we had to switch. At the time, I had a year and a half old daughter. She wasn’t in the wedding, so my mother-in-law offered to watch her until the ceremony, after the ceremony. Anyway, I’m in the limo with the bridesmaids and the flower girl.

We arrive at the church and there’s my mother-in-law, absolutely fuming. Apparently the limo we rode in was meant for the bride to be fair. The only difference was the color. She had my daughter on her hip and was walking up the steps. When I saw the bride pulling up in the other limo, she practically threw my daughter at me and I tripped trying to catch her so she wouldn’t fall.

My gosh. Okay. Then she walked over to the bride’s limo. Tried to hand her a cross necklace to wear. The bride politely thanked her, but explained she was wearing her late grandmother’s necklace who passed just a few months before. That must have been the last straw. She reached into the window, window of the limo and tried to pull the bride out, screaming and cussing that she didn’t deserve her son.

Oh, wow. Okay. That’s wild. Um, and then like nothing had happened, she walked back to the steps and tried to take my daughter again. I told her absolutely not that I was going to walk down the aisle with her. I had already cleared it with the groom who was in the back of the church sobbing. The bride’s parents asked her to leave, but she said, “You’ll have to call the cops. I’m not leaving without seeing my son get married.”

Imagine saying that, and then demanding to be there for the wedding.

Paige Connell: No, that’s crazy. I mean, well, is that it or is there more?

Christa Innis: There’s more. Okay. It’s already pretty wild. There’s a, yeah, like another page. Okay. Oh gosh. Like it’s, it’s funny, like these stories, like sometimes they seem like out of left field, so I don’t, ’cause you know, you don’t really get like the before. As sometimes you get some of this stuff, but then all of a sudden it’s just like this crazy like day that just like goes wild. Um, okay sure enough, the cops came and escorted her out. That’s wild. Okay. The rest of the wedding was actually beautiful and went off without a hitch.  

Paige Connell:  Well, that’s good.

Christa Innis: I guess that’s good. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay.

Paige Connell: I’m confused though. Did she pay for the reception and the rehearsal? It must have been the rehearsal dinner. That she was talking about at the beginning. I can’t imagine she’s paying for a reception she’s not attending. But…

Christa Innis: I know, well it said she insisted on paying for the reception, but…

Paige Connell: Maybe that’s the rehearsal dinner. Myabe it’s at the restaurant. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because it sounds like the night before. Yeah, right. Said, oh yeah. So I’m wondering if she meant rehearsal, maybe. Yeah. Because yeah, it was the night before at a restaurant, and then they got a check. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. Yeah. I can’t imagine she’d offer to pay for it now, especially if everything. 

Paige Connell: No, sure. She was escorted away by the police then she wasn’t there for the check. Right.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that is wild. Just because they took the wrong limo. I’m so confused of like, there must be another backstory or something that  happened.

Paige Connell: I mean, it sounds like she doesn’t like the daughter-in-law and it also sounds like, I don’t know, there’s so many accounts out there that talk about these kind of mothers of son dynamics and mother-in-law dynamics and I think this sounds like someone who, obviously we do not have the context here, but like wanted this wedding day to be about her and what she wanted. Um, I also think the grandparent thing is so strange ’cause it’s like it’s two people. You agree to it. Um, and I think. You. Yes. Like if, if somebody paid for my rehearsal dinner, I would say thank you and be grateful and all the things, but, um, you shouldn’t do it because you wanna parade. Like if you’re offering to do it, and if you’re agreeing to do it, it’s, you know, I don’t, I don’t know what she wants from the bride and groom and they’re obviously preoccupied with everything else and that day’s about them. And so. Even if they are thankful, it doesn’t have to like, I don’t know. I don’t know what that person wanted.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I feel like it’s that common trope of like, they offer to pay for it, but there’s this like invisible string or like, they’re dangling a carrot, you know, to be like, we paid for this, so we get to do this. Or, there’s all these like. If I do this, then I get this and it’s like, that’s not how it works. If it’s a gift, an actual gift, and you wanna help, then treat it as a gift.

Paige Connell: Yeah. There’s no strings attached or control, like you don’t get to control a situation because you financially provided for it. 

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I feel like they want like this, like red carpet then rolled out like, oh, that’s, that’s her. She paid for the event, you know? But it’s like, it’s still not gonna be about you. It’s about the bride and groom.

Paige Connell: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Now she says, now my wedding. After all of that, my husband and I decided we were going to elope to Vegas. We asked my parents it. You’re like-

Paige Connell: Get it. I get it. Yeah, I get that. I eloped as well. I get it.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. Um, I guess you can. If you wanna share stuff, but um, you can.

Paige Connell: Yeah. Oh no, my family just doesn’t get along and so I figured instead of that whatever is happening here, I don’t think that would’ve happened to me.

But I think, um, I decided instead to elope with my husband in Italy and we had the best time by ourselves. And so, I mean, I get the eloping I actually recommended to everyone. Even if your family is not complicated, because personally to your point earlier, like weddings are expensive. People are never gonna be fully happy with everything that you do.

And I’m a person who, if you are a person who knows that you’re gonna show up at your wedding and be more concerned with everybody else having a good time than having a good time yourself. Don’t have a wedding, and that’s who I am. Like I would be running around being, are you having fun? Are you having fun?

Are you having fun? The host and I wouldn’t be having any fun. And so eloping, I was able to do whatever I wanted, which was great.

Christa Innis: That’s such great advice because I know brides were like, I was a bridesmaid for them and the whole time they’re more concerned about everyone else. They’re doing everything for the other people.

And it’s like, yes, you wanna, you know, care obviously, and you want people to enjoy themselves, but it goes by so quickly. And if you’re there like stressed about everyone else and like, oh, did so and so like their food, or did so and so blah, blah, blah. Then it’s like it loses the whole purpose, I think.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I agree.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, okay, so she says they eloped to Vegas. Um, we asked my parents to watch our daughter and began saving for plane tickets in a hotel we had planned for a two month window. Um, wait, they were going for two months?

Paige Connell: I’m assuming in two months. Like two months from then. Maybe. Maybe. I dunno.

Christa Innis: No, that was, yeah. Sometimes I read as I’m reading these, I’m like not absorbing. I get it the right way. Um, okay. But as life often goes, something unexpected happened. I found out I was pregnant with our second child, no flying for me. So we decided to get married at the courthouse and plan to do a vow renewal in Vegas on our one year anniversary. We wanted to keep it simple and stress free.

So the mother-in-law from the previous story is, is that, that’s gotta be her husband or partner’s mom.

Paige Connell: It’s her husband’s, yeah. Mom. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Okay. So a mom of two sons it sounds like. Who?

Paige Connell: At at least two? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, at least two. Yeah. Who might not like the daughter-in-laws? Okay.

His mom insisted he stay at her house the night before, even though we had already been living together for two years. She also insisted I wear her cross necklace, so she’s going through these same like motions. Despite me not being religious, I had found a dress I love on sale just, just $260 for the dress, Petco and veil. I’m not into heels. I even wore flip flops to the previous wedding, but she took me shoe shopping and made me get these blinged out heels instead of the white slipper style shoes I liked that were only $10.

I, I don’t understand. Made me get like, she’s like, poles are up to the front and is like, you’re wearing these on your wedding day. So I’d be like. No.

Paige Connell: Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, I get it though. I think some people have a hard time. Like if you’re a, uh, which I sometimes say I’m like a natural people pleaser. I’d have a hard time finding a way to like tactfully say no. Uh, but, I think also like, yeah, sometimes, especially with your own wedding, it’s like, yeah, I’m not wearing those shoes. Thank you though.

 Christa Innis: That’s so kind of you.

Paige Connell: It’s kind of you. Um, but I’m gonna politely decline.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I know. And I’m sure it’s like so complicated seeing how she reacted to the last wedding. So she’s like probably tiptoeing totally to this mother-in-law. Gosh, that’s gotta be a nightmare. Okay. What was supposed to be a short 25 minute ceremony started to feel like a full-blown production.

I was pregnant, emotional, and just wanted to marry my husband, eat a burger, and go home. My parents offered to take us to an Italian restaurant after the ceremony. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but my husband really wanted to go, so I agreed I figured I’d settle for ravioli instead of a burger. They invited his mom, my best friend, who was my witness, and his brother, who was his witness.

The whole time at the restaurant, his mom was making nasty comments to his brother about his wife. Oh my gosh. So she still doesn’t let this all go. I also wonder how between that wedding and this one, how the relationship was, if they were like, you know, we’re gonna keep our distance. Or if we’re like, oh, it didn’t happen to us, we’re just gonna brush it off. Because getting arrested and pulled outta your son’s wedding is a big deal.

Paige Connell: Yeah, totally. Yeah. I don’t know. Uh, there’s a lot of missing pieces here.

Christa Innis: Yeah. He eventually got up and left. Then she started on in on my husband saying he wasn’t sticking up for her. It got super awkward. I finally said, it’s our wedding day. We just wanna celebrate with the people we love. She looked me dead in the face and said, well, now I have no sons. Are you happy now?

Paige Connell: Yeah. I think, I think she’s just a classic example of the, like, boy moms we see on social media, the the ones who are a bit, um. Yeah. Are never gonna be pleased with whoever the other, uh, it’s weird to say the other woman, but the, the wife is, essentially. I think this is a lived experience that many women have and it feels like a no-win scenario. I mean, obviously we don’t know the intricacies here. We dunno what’s going on from this story. It sounds like she feels like she’s like losing quote, unquote losing her sons to their wives, which like. I think that’s what’s supposed to happen. They’re adults. Um, so yeah, that’s complicated for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. There’s a, there was a term for, I just had a therapist on last, a couple weeks ago, and there’s a term for it. It’s like. I can’t, no, I don’t wanna butcher it and like say the wrong thing, but Yeah. It’s like, or enmeshment. Enmeshment.

 Paige Connell:   Yes. Yes.

Christa Innis: And she was like, it’s when they like can’t see their kids as separate people. Mm-hmm. Even when they’re into, they’re adults, they feel like they always own, owe them, or they always are connected in some interesting way that’s not Yeah. Normal. Yeah, not normal, but I guess it’s not.

um, okay. I was shocked in complete disbelief. My husband calmly asked her to speak. To speak with her outside as they were heading out. He told my best friend to grab my coat and purse. We got married in December and bring them to him. She followed and handed them to his mom. Later he told me, he told her her behavior toward me, toward him, toward us was completely unacceptable that she wasn’t going to ruin another wedding day.

He told her we needed a break. There we go. And that she had to accept that her sons had found women they love. She jumped in her car and sped off. We went five months with no contact after that. The root of it all control. She constantly tries to compete with everyone financially, emotionally, and otherwise.

That was nearly 14 years ago and to this day, we still have to take breaks from her.

So they’re not no contact it sounds like, but-

Paige Connell: Maybe low contact. I think some people go like low contact with their parents, where they engage with them when it feels like they can and then otherwise. You know, take space from them. I mean, that’s really hard. I think you hear about these stories a lot of times, and I just dunno that there’s a healthy way to interact with a person who’s going to engage. Even if I felt incredibly wronged by somebody on their wedding day, I would say nothing. No, ma no matter what, my sister, I don’t care. Like, I would say nothing. I’d be like, that’s for another, that’s for my therapist for another day. You know? That’s not for now. I think, um, people who don’t have that capacity, obviously, um, that’s a very different situation and obviously I imagine for their, her sons like so hard to navigate.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like that’s so, that’s gotta be so hard coming in as like a daughter-in-law really excited to like.

Marry this person and having your in-law like hate you just because you’re with her son. Yeah. No other reason. And you really can’t win. I feel like in a situation like that, unless the mom goes to therapy maybe, or like do some social searching or something, I don’t know. Um, that’s just gotta be really challenging.

Paige Connell: I can’t imagine. Yeah. Honestly.

Christa Innis: I’m proud of the, the fiance or the husband because a lot of these stories, you don’t hear them mention the fiance or partner or husband. A lot of times it’s just like their personal story with the mother-in-law or if it is a mother-in-law story or the situation, and we’re always.

Where are they in this story? So I’m really glad that he like put his foot down, was like, this is not okay. Because you don’t always hear that in these stories because- 

Paige Connell: It sounds like both of them did, both, both brothers, um, stuck up for their partners and I think that’s really important. You hear that a lot, which is like, I have these awful in-laws and my partner doesn’t do anything about it.

And you know, I think that’s a really difficult situation to be in. So yeah, I think it’s great that both partners, you know, stepped in.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Well, that was a wild, wild wedding story. Um, okay. Um, you know, talking, it’s funny that we were talking about eloping and stuff because I, when I share these kinds of stories, people are always like, oh, that’s it.

I’m gonna elope. And I think the important lesson here is like. Know your audience and know what you and your partner want ultimately. Because I think eloping is a great idea. I don’t think everyone should elope, but I think it just do whatever makes sense for you and block out all the noise because it’s so easy to think like, oh, my parents or my sister, or whoever it is, wants this big wedding for us.

And then you do it and you’re like, that’s not what I wanted. And then it’s, yeah. Disappointing.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think weddings have become this like big, big, I mean, they’ve always been a big thing, but I think now too, in the age of social media, it’s like, what’s the hashtag? What’s this? What’s that? It doesn’t matter at the end of the day.

And I think having a strong partnership is ultimately. The thing that you’re gonna hold onto for the rest of your life is not gonna be that wedding day. I will say I have friends who’ve absolutely loved every single second of their wedding and loved having one and would do it a hundred times more. And I think if you are that person and you think that’s going to be you, you should absolutely do it.

Like do that. And if you’re not, that’s okay. And if it doesn’t end up being the best of your life, that’s okay. Um, and this is not meant to sound, um, flippant, I guess, or I don’t know if that’s the right word, but like, as a wedding guest. I couldn’t tell you what somebody’s bouquet looked like seven, seven days later, let alone seven years later.

I don’t remember, right? I’m here ’cause I love you and I wanna have a good time and I’m gonna dance and I’m probably gonna cry at your vows, but I, you know, I don’t, no one else is nearly as invested as you are. And I tell my friends all the time, like when I’m a bridesmaid, I’m like, don’t worry about my pictures.

You’re never gonna look at ’em again. You’re really not like, you’re never gonna look at this picture of you and I in my bridesmaids dress again, you’re only gonna look at pictures of you and your husband and maybe your family. Yeah. Um, and that’s just the truth. Like at the end of the day, we’re doing it for us and our partner and there’s so much that goes into it that we stress about, and it’s like, no one else is gonna remember this a week from now.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.  

Paige Connell: You know? So don’t kill yourself. Yeah.  

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I know. It’s like you hear people getting stressed over like. I mean like the favor being, uh, oh my gosh. I was in a wedding once where they were stressed about the way the favor was on the, on the plate, and I was like, no one’s gonna notice. Let’s not stress about that.

It’s okay.

Paige Connell: And they never know. Like, I didn’t know what it was supposed to be, so I don’t know that it’s wrong. Exactly. You know, like you’re the only one who knows. And here’s the thing, if, if a vendor has royally messed up and you’re paying a lot of money for it, like you should care. Um, but in the sense that you should try and get your money back, not in the sense that like anybody else cares.

Christa Innis: No, absolutely. I would say it was kind of a blessing. Like my husband and I, all our, like good friends got married before us. We were like one of the last ones. And it’ll allow us to see over the years, like what we liked, what we didn’t like, and learn from brides too. Like being like, oh, like I didn’t, I wasted money on this, or I really wish I would’ve done this, or, um, I caved and did this when I really sh you know, whatever that was.

Yeah. And I feel like we chopped off a bunch of people too that like. They wouldn’t have cared to be there or not. And so I feel like you can, we can learn a lot from, from observing, I guess. Um, yeah. Okay. I like to just end these with, uh, some confessions. People send me their crazy confessions in Instagram.

Um, this one says, um, my fiance wants me to remember the good times with the in-laws, and I just don’t think I can. So that sounds like a. Yeah, maybe a bad relationship where-

Paige Connell: Maybe with the in-laws. Yeah. I mean, I think like you can’t, you can’t ask somebody to do something that they don’t have the capacity to do. So it  is what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That sounds like to me, without like assuming too much, it just sounds like the son’s probably put in the middle of like the in-laws. His wife not getting along and he doesn’t want to like, cause a barrier or say no, you know, and so he is just like, just think of the good times. So, that’s hard.

Um, my sisters were so much drama at my wedding then got mad when I didn’t want to be at theirs. Oh.

Paige Connell: That’s, that’s hard.

Christa Innis: That, yeah. That’s tough. Um, last one says I have to invite someone I hate because she’s the wife of my, of my fiance’s best friend.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think you do have to invite her kind of, Ooh, I don’t know, it’s tricky. I would say if something has actually transpired between the two of you and she is a person who’s caused you harm. You don’t need to, and like your partner should be the one to have that conversation with his best friend. If you just, just like don’t like her, like you just don’t vibe, you don’t like her energy or like just who she is as a person, I think that’s slightly different.

Um, if somebody’s caused you direct harm, it been unkind to you, you shouldn’t have to have them at your wedding. If it’s just that you just don’t like them. Like, I don’t know. I think we can, you are not gonna pay attention. You’re not gonna notice her. Again, going back to the, like, if you have a hundred people at your wedding and you hate one of them for no real reason, and I’m not saying you do, but if, if that’s what it is and it’s like, just don’t pay attention to her. Like just ignore her. It’s you. You don’t have to interact. There’s enough people there to buffer that. It doesn’t have to impact your day.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s, that’s a really good point. And I wanna say, I’ll try to say it so it’s not like too obvious, but I have to say something similar happened at our wedding. I wouldn’t say hate, of course, I don’t hate anybody but someone in our wedding that’s like really close with my husband started dating someone. I knew from my childhood that was just like, like kinda like a bully, not like a nice person. Yeah.

Paige Connell: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And when I found, like, I was like, oh, we have to give him a plus one. I know he’s gonna bring her. And it was just kinda uncomfortable, awkward, not nice person, but I just like put my feelings aside with it and it ended up being fine. Like, it ended up being fine. Totally fine. She was awesome. And I feel like it was just me kind of holding onto some like childhood thing of like, okay, I don’t know how this is gonna go.

And it was fine. So, I don’t know, I, I don’t, not saying recommend to like all of a sudden like, let it go. ’cause we don’t know what happened with these people, but just Right. Totally.

Um, well thank you so much for coming on. I feel like we kind of jumped all over the place because I’m like, oh, like let’s talk weddings and, um, mental load. But I feel like there’s so many important conversations to have and I was just telling someone, like I started by just sharing like, you know, wedding stories on here. ’cause that’s what I do on my, in my content. But I feel like it’s so much more complicated than just wedding. There’s relationships, there’s um, you know, new, you know, new relationships, dynamics, that kind of thing.

And it all ties into so much more. So thank you for coming on.

Paige Connell: Thanks for having me.

Christa Innis: Can you again just tell everybody where they can follow you, what kind of content you share, and anything interesting or fun you’re working on?

Paige Connell: Yeah, sure. I share content on modern marriage and motherhood and what that looks like in relation to gender equity, and you can follow me on pretty much every social media platform at, she’s a page turner.

I also have a website. She’s a page turner.com, a substack, all the things, and so. You know, if you Google it, you’ll find me.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much. It was awesome chatting with you.

Paige Connell: Thank you. 

by Christa Innis

Stories from the Vault: My In-Laws Hijacked My Wedding!” (+ Bonus Teaser!)

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Ever wonder what happens when a mother of the groom tries to hijack her son’s holiday plans?

Grab your wine, because this episode is a rollercoaster of family drama and jaw-dropping holiday chaos. Christa shares part 1 of Here Comes The Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story, diving into Kate’s controlling ways and Ferris’ careful navigation to protect his relationship with Sloan. From Thanksgiving meltdowns to snow-covered windows, emotions flare, boundaries are tested, and secrets threaten to spill.

Stick around for the jaw-dropper: a carefully planned vacation turns into a perfect surprise. Will mom ruin it or finally learn to step back? Listen in and experience holiday drama like never before.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:31 Podcast Review and Announcements

02:37 Patreon Episode Introduction

03:51 Mother of the Groom Files: Hot Takes

09:56 Confessions and 9-1-1 Advice

17:51 Stories from the Vault

27:44 Mother-in-Law Takes Over the Wedding

28:51 Family Drama Unfolds

29:42 A Wedding Without Approval

31:36 The Photographer Leaves

32:21 A Punch at the Wedding

32:56 Reflecting on Family Boundaries

34:10 Patreon and Future Plans

35:56 Audiobook Preview: Family Tensions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Birthday Special Announcement – Christa shares it’s her birthday and gives listeners a bonus look at a Patreon episode.
  • Podcast & Book Updates – Highlights the audiobook release and exclusive author’s note for fans.
  • Fiancé’s Silence – The groom-to-be stays surprisingly calm, brushing off the friend’s toxic behavior.
  • Family Dynamics – Relatives get involved, adding fuel to the fire and complicating emotions.
  • Mother of the Groom Chaos – Kate panics over Ferris and Sloan’s Christmas vacation, creating tension.
  • Holiday Meltdown – Thanksgiving turns dramatic with red wine stains, snow, and heightened emotions.
  • Ferris’ Firm Stand – Ferris sets boundaries with his mom while remaining respectful, protecting his relationship.
  • Subtle Support from Ted – Dad quietly navigates the drama, encouraging Ferris without escalating tension.
  • Vacation Planning Drama – Kate tries to insert herself into the couple’s plans despite their wishes.
  • Surprise Proposal Tease – Ferris plans a proposal, creating a cliffhanger moment that leaves everyone on edge.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Ever wonder what happens when a mother hijacks her son’s holidays? Buckle up.”  – Christa Innis
  • “There’s nothing like a little wine, snow, and family tension to spice up Thanksgiving.”  – Christa Innis
  • “Some moms think control is love, but boundaries are how we survive the holidays.”  – Christa Innis
  • “Ferris finally learned: protecting your peace sometimes means saying ‘no’ to your mom.”  – Christa Innis
  • “The line between family tradition and family chaos? It’s thinner than you think.”  – Christa Innis
  • “Boundaries aren’t mean they’re necessary, especially when someone tries to control your happiness.”   – Christa Innis
  • “Weddings don’t create drama, they just shine a spotlight on what’s already broken.”   – Christa Innis

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome to this episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Krista Ennis, and it’s actually my birthday today. and so I wanted to do something special for this birthday episode, and that is share one of my all time favorite Patreon episodes. Called the mother of the groom files. You guys are always asking me to share more stories and more content, and this was a wild episode with a wild story, so I thought I would give back to you guys this week.

But first, just a couple of fun announcements. We’re gonna start with a podcast review. This is from Monica. Daniel, it says, I don’t ever listen to podcasts, but when I saw your Facebook post that you started, one, I had to start. Your skits are like crack. You want more and more and more. LOL. Thank you so much for the kind review.

If you guys are loving the podcast, please help me out by leaving a review on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen. It just really helps the show get out to more people. Now one more extra bonus for this week is in case you missed it, my new book Here Comes The Drama is now officially an audio book, and I’m so, so excited.

I’ve talked about the process before, but I, worked directly with Tan Tour Media and I was able to listen to actual auditions from voice artists and Shiloh James just had the amazing voice. That I thought would fit so well with these characters. and so it’s now officially out. There’s also an exclusive author’s note that I was able to record myself and the little behind the scenes, note at the very end.

So as a little bonus to you guys, stick around at the very end of the episode, and I’m going to include a. First look at the book. You’re gonna get chapter one, directly to you so you can enjoy that. as a little bonus there. I don’t know how many times I just said bonus you guys. Side note. August has just been a wild month already.

I can hardly keep up. I can’t believe it’s already, by the time you guys listen to this, it’ll be almost over and I’m just like trying to catch up. I feel like if anyone else is feeling that way, I’m right there with you. anyways, I wanna remind you guys that I’m doing a big YouTube giveaway. This is actually the last week to enter.

 you got a few more days left actually. so for my birthday month I did a YouTube giveaway. All you have to do is subscribe to my channel and then comment entered on my video, and we will link that in the show notes so you can easily find it at the bottom. we are doing a $75 Amazon gift card and a signed copy of my book for the grand prize winner.

And then every single week we’ve been picking winners for some smaller prizes as well. just a way to say thank you for all you guys that listen and follow on YouTube. Alright, so like I said, we are going to, Give you a special look at a Patreon episode. This was my all time favorite one, the mother of the groom files.

Mother of the Groom Chaos

This was a wild episode where I read, oh gosh, we do some hot takes and I gave you my takes on these mother of groom situations that were sent to me. a mother of the groom, 9 1 1 advice call. So someone sent me in something that happened to them and they’re trying to deal with the. Situation. And then I read a couple of stories and one is probably top 10 wildest mother of the groom stories I’ve ever read.

So we’re gonna go ahead and play that whole episode for you and I hope you guys enjoy it. And don’t forget to stick around to the very end of the episode for the first chapter of, here Comes the Drama.

Hey guys. Welcome back to another exclusive episode of, here Comes The Drama After Dark, just for my amazing wedding party, my Patreon members. I’m so grateful and happy that you’re here with me. First things first, if my voice sounds a little scratchy or I’m sniffling, I apologize in advance. I swear it’s allergies.

I’m not sick. I swear every time I step outside, I’m sneezing like four or five times. Just that time of year, you never know what you’re gonna get. And apparently this year the allergies are crazy to me. So I’m gonna try my best to not sneeze while recording. And we’re just gonna have some fun today. so last month we focused all around mothers of the bride.

Today we’re gonna go to the other mom at the altar, and that is gonna be the mother of the groom. And as I start this episode, I wanna remind you guys. That it’s not all moms. Okay. I still get messages from people that are like, you focus so much on moms all the time. We’re not all bad. And believe me, I know this.

I talk about it time and time again that my own mom and my mother-in-law are amazing. They are not like this. I honestly, until I started really making this content, I didn’t realize people dealt with this. of course I’ve heard and seen things over the years. But some of these stories are just so shocking to me that people can act this way, during a wedding.

So I know it’s not all moms. But there are some really crazy ones out there. So, that’s what we’re gonna focus on today. here’s what we got going on. Of course, I’d like to switch it up every single month just to make things a little interesting and, feeling a little more exclusive and special for you guys.

So first things first, we’ve got some Hot Takes Mother of the Groom Edition, confessions in Chaos. So. Reading some confessions that you guys sent me that actually happened to you and then that’s gonna turn into a 9 1 1. Someone has a little dilemma going on and they would like some advice. And then last, but certainly not least, of course it’s not least because you guys love it the best.

It’s the stories from the vault. today I’ve got two crazy ones and of course I’ve not read them, we got some good ones for you. But I’ll react, along with you. So let’s get started. let’s go right into the hot takes. All right, The mother of the groom should have a special role, but it doesn’t need to mirror the mother of the brides.

This is gonna depend in a relationship with each of them. I mean, I do think. In all the weddings I’ve been a part of, I should say most of them, they had a unique role. but a lot of times both moms were there doing everything together, or just being a part of, the bride getting ready.

Right. I. so of course you’re gonna have your special moment with your own mom versus your partner’s mom, but I really feel like they have similar roles because it’s both their kids’ weddings. I’m very anti, it’s the bride and groom’s day, or. The bride and bride’s day. The groom and groom’s day.

 it’s the couple’s day. Right. So I feel like it’s really important that depending on your relationship, whoever wants to be involved is involved the same way we’re not leaving anybody out. Of course, that’s, again, depending on how your relationship is. okay. Two. It’s okay if the mother of the groom doesn’t help with the planning.

Support. Doesn’t always mean involvement 100%. I think sometimes I see stories where the bride gets so mad at the mother of the groom for not being involved, but. They don’t have to be, and that’s not necessarily their wheelhouse. there was one I read not that long ago where the bride was mad because she gave a task to the mother of the groom and it was basically to book the Airbnb for their wedding event and it was gonna be hosted in the backyard or something.

she kept saying like, oh, she was taking so long to do it. And by the time, know, it was getting closer and closer, all the ones that I had really liked were booked. And I was like. If I were the bride, I would never just put that in the hands of someone else. And I don’t blame the mother of groom for that because she might have never had this kind of responsibility before.

She might not be into planning and then this was just kind of put on her lap. Maybe she’s never booked an Airbnb. so when it comes to things like that, I don’t think it’s up to the mother of the groom to want to be involved. She can support you guys in other ways and I think that’s perfectly okay. number three, mother-in-laws giving input on the guest list should only happen early, not the month before invitations go out.

So they could give input or tips anytime, I’m sure, again, depending on your relationship. But yeah, we are not asking for. And like guest list a month before, that’s just too much. there was another mother-in-law story where they asked her way in advance to send a guest list and she kept refusing because she didn’t like that they were only gonna invite 100 people.

So she kept pushing back and saying like, no, I’m not sending you a list. I’m not sending you a list. then they went the extra mile and were looking in heraddress book to get. Her friend’s addresses to send an invite and I’m just like, if it’s gonna be that difficult, why even try? yes. I think everybody, if you’re gonna have your parents’ friends be invited, reach out to them early enough, give them a deadline and be very clear.

 okay. I’m gonna do a couple more ‘ we’ve got a long story for you guys and I don’t want, it to be like a two hour episode. I’m sure you guys wouldn’t complain, but Okay. A neutral colored dress is totally fine as long as it’s cleared with the couple first. Uh, it’s so hard because some of these things are gonna be really individual.

Some people might be like, no, absolutely not. For me personally, I think neutral is totally fine. what’s wrong with neutral colored? Yes, maybe avoid white. but I think you can do other neutral colors in general. I think if you’re not sure, ask the bride groom, but. I would never assume that white is okay.

Right.

Number five, it’s not rude to set boundaries with your future mother-in-law. It’s healthy. That goes with for anybody, even people that you have a great relationship with. Boundaries are so good, I think so many times we think boundaries are a way of like shutting people out or being mean, especially if you’re a people pleaser.

It’s not like boundaries can be like, I turn my phone off at 7:00 PM and I spend time with just my family right here. I don’t answer the phone even for my best friend, my boss, whoever it is. And I think that’s so important because so many times, like we think we can be at everyone’s beck and call and that we’re gonna be mean if we say no or don’t answer.

But no, you gotta have boundaries. Last one. The best thing a mother of the groom can ask is, how can I support you instead of assuming what’s helpful. Yeah, I think that’s great. If you are in a wedding, if you are a mother of the groom, if you are the mother of the bride, if you’re a father, like whatever your relationship is to them, how can I support you is a great way.

Instead of just jumping in and saying, I’m taking this task from you because nobody likes that. Okay. Next section. We are gonna do some confessions. I have a couple of confessions here that people sent me, and then the last one’s gonna be more of like a 9 1 1. What do I do in this situation? Okay, first one, mother-in-law told my son she could help him come up with an escape plan.

What if the day of he gets cold feet? So I’m guessing the son then told his partner. It was like, my mom told me this. That’s insane. That’s insane. we wanna encourage the couple. I mean, unless it’s completely toxic and, it’s a bad relationship, which even then, like you gotta make sure like you really are protecting your son.

Otherwise, I’m not saying anything. I said this a while back in an episode. This girl was talking about her whole family didn’t like the partner of her brother. Right? And they wanted to say something so bad. And I was like, you can’t, you can’t say something if you just don’t like somebody, because if something blows up, it’s gonna go back into your face, right?

If you say like, oh, I don’t like her, she’s not right for you. It’s gonna come back to bite you. It’s better to just be supportive. of course if there’s certain things that they say that’s going to, that are just like, down or rude, put you down, that kind of thing. But if it’s just like, I don’t like them because of the way they talk, I don’t like them because they don’t seem right for you.

I’m just protecting you. Like, no, we don’t need to say that. Okay. Two. My bridal shower, my mother-in-law gave me a cookbook and said, you’ll need this more than anyone. No. Okay. As someone that I am very insecure with my cooking. Like I enjoy doing it when there’s no pressure. I like cooking for my family, but I feel like I’m surrounded by so many cooks that are like really good at what they do, that I’m just like, I just second guess everything.

that’d be a little insulting. my husband and I buy cookbooks all the time ’cause we like try new recipes and stuff. But to specifically say to someone, ’cause you need this more than anybody. That’s just a, we call that a backhanded compliment. Actually, I’m not, that’s not even a compliment.

That’s just backhanded. okay. My mother-in-law kept calling it her son’s wedding and didn’t mention my name once in the entire engagement announcement. Ooh, okay. I catch myself when I’m like talking about someone’s story or reading someone’s story, I’ll say like, bride this, and I’m like, no, I need to stop doing that.

The couple’s day, the couple’s wedding, it’s so ingrained in us to talk a certain way. Right. But I feel like society says like it’s the bride’s day. So when you say it’s like your son’s day and your leaving out his partner, that’s intentional, right? Yeah, that’s pretty hard. I had someone on my podcast, Janelle Riedel, was on my podcast a couple weeks back, and she, well, by the time this comes out, it’ll be probably like two months back.

But, she had a very similar story sent to her where there was a, birth announcement. So this woman was saying her and her partner, her and her husband decided they did not want their babies. Face put anywhere, like on social media or anything like that, they made this very clear to the parents.

They go to the parents’ house to go visit them when the baby was like a newborn and sitting right on the table, there was a newspaper clipping where they had a birth announcement. The grandparents put in a birth announcement in the newspaper. Not once did they mention the daughter-in-law’s name. It was just proud grandparents of said the baby’s name and then said their son’s name.

That was it. So that is intentional, you are purposely leaving someone out when it took two people to make that baby. So I don’t know. that’s making a statement for sure. Okay.

Here is the 9 1 1 confession. she’s kind of more of like asking for help. Right. Okay. My mother-in-law just told me she bought a white dress to wear to our wedding because it’s the only color she looks good in.

Okay. I’ve gotten similar ones before. Okay. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she said I was being territorial should be honored that she’s making an effort at all. My fiance is trying to stay neutral. The wedding is in three weeks. What do I do? Okay, first things first. I’m only talking about this general situation right here because I don’t people coming back and being like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe you care about people wearing white at your wedding.

I personally, I wouldn’t care again. It depends on the relationship because if you already have a rocky relationship and someone’s like, I’m wearing white to your wedding, I’m getting a full gown. Again, back to the intentional. It’s intentional they want you to feel a certain way, right? So my guess is if she says, oh, I only look good in white, so I’m wearing a white dress to your wedding, it’s because there’s already some kind of rift there, right?

First things first, the fiance staying neutral is not okay. He needs to make a choice of who he’s backing up. if he’s choosing to marry you, should be backing you up, right? He needs to be the one to, communicate to his mother that this is not appropriate or okay. Now again, I’m speaking for this couple because she has made it clear she is not okay with it.

If you’re okay with white at your wedding, this is not. Relating to you, right? So he needs to be the one to communicate to his mom, Hey Sophie, whatever her name is, has said she’s not okay with it. And I would actually rather her be the only one in white as well, really make it more what he thinks and be that bridge, right?

Because if he’s trying to stay neutral. It’s gonna make them bash even more, right? Because they’re both gonna try to get him on their side. So he needs to make a clear standing point. Being the wedding is only in three weeks, so she’s gonna try to like push back and push back and say like, oh, well there’s no time to get a new dress.

Oh, I can’s, the only dress I have. There’s time. There’s time. you’ve made it very clear that you’re not comfortable with it, so. All you can do is communicate and you need to let your partner know that he needs to communicate to her. that being said, if she still chooses to show up that day in a white dress, you can.

There’s different things you can do. Talk to your vendors ahead of time, maybe your photographer and say like, Hey, my mother-in-law has told me he’s gonna wear a white dress. What do we do? They might be able to situate her. I mean, it’s hard because she’s the mom, so she’s gonna be in the front pictures.

They might be able to like move her. So someone’s like standing in front of her. I know this happened in one of the stories sent to me. She said the photographer worked with her and like, it was like an aunt though, and they put someone directly in front of her. So you couldn’t really tell. and then you have to decide how important it is to you and it’s hard.

This is where you are like, you know what? We’ve dealt with so much with her already. This is it for me. I’m done. I’m done dealing with it. Then you have to make that decision and tell your partner and try to get him on the same page. If this is one little blip in the day and there’s been no other issues, Just let it go. Everyone’s gonna know you’re the bride and everyone’s gonna look at her and be like, that’s ridiculous. So you kinda have to decide and make a decision on your own and with your partner to be like, how big of a deal do we wanna make this? Not saying you’re the one making a big deal, but like, do you wanna escalate it or just drop it?

Okay. So you guys listening at home,

what would you do? Let her wear it. And again, she would outshine nobody. Right? Would you ban her from photos? Would you ask the photographer to gray scale her dress or like move her somehow or politely ask her to sit the wedding out. These are like four different, complete different things. Me, if I were in her situation where you already communicated and it was an issue.

I think I would just let her wear it, not I wouldn’t shine anybody. And then I would probably be like, okay, photographer, what can we do here? And then I would just like not worry about it. But again, I’m not in that situation. It’s very hard when you already have like a bad relationship. Right. Okay, here we go.

lemme get a drink of my energy drink here. It’s just to warm up my vocals because. I’m telling you guys, these allergies are just like making my throat scratchy. 

Hijacked Wedding Family of the Groom’s Control

Okay, here we go. Mother of the groom confessions. These are stories from the vault. So someone sent me these stories, okay? It’s finally my turn to share.

My husband and I had a set wedding date that was really meaningful to us, it also worked well with one of our closest friend’s work schedules. His mom had found a venue she thought would be perfect, but it wasn’t available on the date we’d chosen. She asked me what I thought about it, and if we’d consider switching dates.

I told her it was a beautiful venue, but I wanted to keep looking. We really wanted that specific date and I was also considering something outdoors. Then I went to work. When I got home, my husband was buzzing with excitement saying how thrilled he was that we had a venue and locked in our date. What? I was totally confused.

Turns out my mother-in-law had gone ahead and booked the venue anyway without waiting for our answer, just assuming she knew best. You are kidding me. Okay. I take back everything I said about reading crazy stories. This is the craziest mother of the groom story I’ve ever read. Why would you take that into your own hands?

And then I’m also wondering, I know that’s probably gonna come up, but I’m also wondering why the fiance heard it from his mom and was like, okay, this is awesome. This is cool. Wouldn’t he go to his like fiance first and be like, Hey, this is weird. Did you talk to my mom? But he’s like excited for it. Come on.

Okay, because we had agreed that his family would be covering the costs for the venue, I felt cornered. I ended up going along with a change and just tried to make it work. No. Oh my gosh. I feel terrible for her because here’s the thing, like, oh, I feel so bad for her because it’s like the husband comes in or partner comes in he’s like.

Oh, this is so great. We got this venue. So then she sees his excitement after already talking to the mom, the mother-in-law, and now she feels like she has to say yes because they’re paying for the venue. in reality she already told the mom like, no, I’m gonna keep looking. And she was like, you know what?

Screw you. I’m gonna do what I want anyways. no, it’s not your wedding. Oh my gosh. A few weeks later, I was talking about wedding dress in SPO during a family dinner with his side of the family. That’s when my father-in-law decided it was his job to take charge of my wedding dress, even though my family was paying for it.

Okay. In general, it’s weird that the family thinks that they have control over her wedding dress, but the father-in-law. I wouldn’t trust my own father to pick out my wedding dress. I wouldn’t trust my husband to pick out my wedding dress and he is got great style, but so it’s nothing against that. It’s just that’s such a personal, personal thing.

Oh my gosh. He insisted I buy it on Amazon to save money. But I had no problem spending $900 plus on my husband’s suit. That seems like a lot of money. We spent, gosh, I think under 300 from my husband’s suit. this isn’t sponsored or anything, but we used Modern Groom and it was like so easy. They sent it to us at home.

My husband and I are very like, let’s check the boxes. Like we. I don’t need to go somewhere and see 10 suits and see which one looks best. We pretty much were like, let’s look at them online and do it like, I don’t know. I know everybody’s different. That was just us, $900 plus for a suit, but he wanted her to order her dress on Amazon.

I politely told him I’d figure the dress out with my mom. He went ahead and ordered several dresses anyway was furious when I told him I’d already made a decision with my mom. Ew, I’m sorry. That is gross behavior. They are to completely like pulling her out of her own wedding situation. I need to talk to this person and get her on the podcast because this is like what?

That moment pretty much set the tone for the rest of the wedding planning. Tense. Okay. So again, where’s the fiance in all this? Why is he not backing her up and be like, dad, that’s fricking weird. Why are you ordering wedding dresses for my fiance on Amazon? What? he should be standing in here saying like, no, this isn’t okay.

I’m getting heated guys. Okay. My mother-in-law wanted to plan every little detail. She constantly reminded me that I hadn’t been married before, almost as if it was her way of justifying why she needed to take over. Oh, I’m so mad for her. Any bride, I mean I should say, majority of brides haven’t been through that before, and even if they’ve been married before.

Typically I see like they do a different style, like they do something different. Right. But it’s like even if she had been married before, I feel like this mother-in-law would’ve come in and been like, no, we need to do it my way. Like, why is that any constellation to be able to go in? She’s probably been married 30 years, so things have changed a lot since she got married.

So she’s trying to like redo her wedding through her son and daughter-in-law. It’s like, no, no, no, no. She kept pushing for her daughter, my sister-in-law, who I’m not close with to be one of the bridesmaids. Apparently she wasn’t a bridesmaid in her other sister-in-law’s wedding five years ago, and my mother-in-law wanted to fix that.

Oh my gosh. This family, I explained kindly that I had a specific vision and that anyone who wanted to wear a specific color to the wedding was welcome to wear dark green, but it wasn’t required. Later I got a message from my sister-in-law, double checking the color she’d been told by my mother-in-law, and it was the exact color of my bridesmaid dresses.

Why am I not surprised? Oh my gosh. I talked to her directly. She was super understanding, and from then on she came to me to confirm details. Oh my gosh. This mom was just like, Nope, it’s my wedding. Now I’m gonna do what I want. But the craziest thing, it happened a couple months before the wedding when we were sending out invites.

I had a few friends come over to help address envelopes and had previously asked my mother-in-law for all of her addresses the day of, she told me to just drop off the invites and send them out herself. No, I’m calling it now. I dunno what’s gonna happen. Do not do that. Do not do that. Someone that’s already ignoring your every wish.

your, every vision for the wedding is not gonna follow through with that simple task. No. Okay. I don’t like the next sentence. I was rushing to work, so I dropped them off and said I’d come pick up whatever was left later. No, But Why do we need the mother-in-law to send them out herself if they’re already labeled and everything?

Ugh. Biggest mistake she says. After she mailed the invitations, she casually mentioned we might need to do a reprint. I was confused. I had like 59 extras. Why would we need more later that week? While checking over the shared guest list spreadsheet, which I finalized eight months ago and shared with both sets of parents and my husband, I found the issue.

She sent out over 100 extra invitations about a month and a half before the wedding. My like planner self is getting so bent outta shape right now. This is not, oh my gosh. We need like a mean bridesmaid for every one of these nice brides because this is not okay. And again, where is the husband? Where is the fiance?

Also you don’t need to share. Your guest list with everyone. I had no reason to be like protective of my stuff, but like I don’t need to send my guest list to every single person, so just my husband and I had it like, why does everyone need to see every single person? We reached out to all the parents and they sent us their list, and I took care of everything else.

Again, if someone’s already showing you not to trust them, don’t trust them with a new and important task. Okay. She says, my family was providing the food, so I was beyond frustrated. I had always said they could invite as many people as they wanted, but it needed to be finalized months in advance. I asked my husband if he recognized the names he didn’t or were they distant cousins?

He had specifically said didn’t want there, or they were distant cousins that he specifically said he didn’t want there. the worst part, because the invites were already sent, I had no way to contact these people and uninvite them. I’m exhausted. I am exhausted for this bride. I cannot believe that this happened.

I am so sorry. couple more things that happened behind my back too. She tried to gather baby photos of me, even though I specifically said I did not want a slideshow or a wedding video. She tried to invite her own guest list to a bridal shower that was being hosted by my aunt. Why am I not surprised?

She did a hundred extra people to the wedding? I didn’t know what happened with this. Okay, let’s see. Then came the wedding day. People showed up late. Two of my husband’s groomsmen arrived an hour and a half after they were supposed to, and 30 minutes after the ceremony was scheduled to start. What? Oh my gosh.

People need to be reminded a hundred times. Some people need to be reminded a hundred times. Luckily we have no one late for our wedding, but I hear it happen all the time. we asked everyone to arrive an hour early for photos. Even my in-laws showed up 30 minutes late, adding to the chaos.

Luckily, once the ceremony started, everything turned out beautifully, but the lead up absolute hell. I need to know how this ended. I need to reach out to her and ask her what? The heck happened after this. Like, what is going on here? Because this is literally insane. The fact that a hundred x people were invited.

I need to know, like, did you need a bigger venue, a bigger room? How much was the cost, like. It was probably one of those where she was like, the mother-in-law was like, we’re paying for it. So if I wanna invite more people, I can. It’s my party now. that’s where I’m like, don’t accept money from people.

They’re gonna hold strings over your head and dangle it like a carrot. Right. if people want to help as a gift and you respect them and they respect you, then yes, let’s do it. If they wanna help, that’s great. If you already have a weird relationship, if they’re trying to control things, no, we’re not gonna ask for that.

We’re not gonna accept the help. again, where’s the fiance? Where’s the fiance in all of this? And why is he just on the Back burner or behind the scenes when his mom’s taking the lead. your wedding was hijacked. They, they took it from you. And I feel like those are the kind of weddings where people are most unhappy when they look back.

I’m glad she’s able to say, you know what? Everything turned out beautifully. Maybe it’s just me, but I would not be so, I wouldn’t be so like, cheerful about that. I’d be like, you know what, this was my, time to do my thing and it was taken from me, so I dunno. Oh my gosh. I feel like my blood pressure is up from that story.

A Wedding Day Gone Off the Rails

All right, I got one more short, one short-ish, so let’s get into it. All right. We almost canceled the wedding.

Everyone in our families was horrible to us. My mom made a huge deal about my dad coming with his wife. They’ve been married for 10 years. My mother-in-law was against the whole thing because in her view, you’re supposed to date for exactly five years first and already have bought a house. Oh my gosh.

Where people come up with these things. Some people get married after six months. Some people get married after six years. Some people get married for 20 years some people already have kids first. Like, why does it matter to you? If two people decide together, Hey, let’s get married. Just let them, oh my gosh.

I can’t imagine being so like stuck in my ways. We were 33 and 36 and we didn’t see the need to wait. I. She didn’t approve of my red inexpensive wedding shoes or my pre-ordered dress from Ali Express. She didn’t like that. My venue only held 100 people, that we invited only close friends and immediate family, and that her cousins weren’t invited, that we didn’t have a formal dinner, and that we skipped a dance floor altogether.

What that sounds like to me is that it’s just two people that were right to get married and knew exactly what they wanted, and I think that’s amazing. All weddings don’t have to be the same. All weddings don’t have to have a dance floor or an open bar or a formal dinner. Do what makes sense for you if you just wanna party and have some cake, invite your favorite people more power to you.

I don’t get why. I bet people get so like uptight about it. We hosted a five hour gathering with an open bar and buffet full of food. What more could you ask for? You got a full buffet of food and you got an open bar. I mean, that would make me happy. you don’t really need much else. Right. She even hated that.

My husband made my wedding bouquet himself. He crafted it as a final gift. I think that’s amazing. Wow. I received before walking down the aisle. He made it as a gift. I received walk before walking down the aisle. One of his close friends handed it to me right before I entered. love that. I’ve never heard of that before.

I actually laughed the whole way down the aisle because my mom didn’t make it to the church on time. Where is this Poor girl’s family. My mother-in-law shushed me for laughing. She had already screamed at my husband the night before. My mom wasn’t at the church because she wasn’t ready. Oh my gosh. I had gone to her house to have my makeup and hair done, but I was left alone while she and my younger sister disappeared to another part of the house to get themselves ready.

My older sister stayed with me for a bit, even though she was pregnant with twins. She eventually left for the church. Oh my gosh. I just don’t understand. People just can’t be there for someone else let them shine on their day. It’s so disappointing to hear these stories where they’re like, yeah, I was alone, or My mom didn’t come, or My maid of honor was late, or The groomsman never showed up.

It’s like, come on. It’s not that hard. Be on time or be where you need to be for people that you really care about. It was so sad that even the photographer left quietly without saying anything. I was ready to go, but my mom still wasn’t, and she told me to wait because she needed more time.

I said, not my problem, and left. She arrived 15 minutes later. Okay. That’s crazy that the photographer left really though. ’cause that has a contract tied to it. You shouldn’t just leave your photographer. My mother-in-law invited her cousins to the church anyway. One of my husband’s female cousins wore a white dress another white dress debacle.

I went out to the terrace with one of my best friends for a cigarette, one of my husband’s other cousins followed me to see what I was doing and didn’t leave until I did. Weird. Later. One of my husband’s brothers told me that now I was a part of the family. He hated me and then punched my sister’s husband in the face.

What? Okay, this is weird. So there’s family drama, and with all of that, I was still so happy. I honestly didn’t care, but I cut them all off after that. I don’t know how people move forward after these crazy events take place. I could not stand to be like at a holiday with someone that treated my family like that.

Sounds like she cut them off, but like that’s hard ’cause it’s your husband’s family and if you have kids together or if you move, or all these other big life events like. Where’s the family now? so that’s terrible. I’m props to you for having good boundaries and all that, but gosh, both these stories are wild, wild, wild.

You guys know, we have a lot of mother-in-law stories, and again, not all mothers, but these stories right here, were sent by two different, couples. We get a lot of them just because I think a lot of brides follow me, but I do my best to go through different quote unquote problem. People, right. So, we just get a lot of mother of the groom stories, but I promise you there are crazy stories about every member I’ve seen.

Oh my gosh. I think I need get my blood pressure checked. That’s that first story was wild, you guys. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well that was a wild ride. Thank you guys for listening and being a part of my wedding party Patreon. It means so much to me that you guys are here. and take the time to hang out with me here.

 a lot of fun to put these episodes together because I kind of feel like it’s. Off the hook. I don’t know. I put a lot of planning behind it, but it’s just different than the regular episodes. So it’s fun to do these little bonus ones. If you guys love this episode, please do me a huge favor and tell one friend about this Patreon.

Share it on social media, share it with a friend in a text message, whatever that is. just spreading the word really helps, more people hear about it. So let’s keep that going. Next month, we are gonna chat all about the wedding guest stories. And this is one we haven’t really talked too much about.

So I’ve got some good ones from the vault that I’m gonna share with you. And if you guys have a story that you wanna contribute from a wedding that you’ve been to or you’ve seen, or your own wedding, or you’ve read it somewhere, send it to me in the, wedding party, Patreon group chat, or you can message it to me anywhere.

And, I’ll try to get it on the show. All right guys. Thanks so much for hanging out with me this month, and I will see you next time. And until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. Bye now.

 All right guys. I hope you enjoyed that special. Look at a Patreon episode at full disclosure. We are currently pause on Patreon right now, so if you’re looking to sign up, don’t, ’cause it won’t be there. to be completely transparent, I just don’t have the bandwidth right now, so I just didn’t feel like it was right for me to.

Keep creating content over there when I just didn’t feel like I could give all of myself to it. So I’m putting more into the skits, more into my book, and then more into, of course, these podcast episodes here. So I hope you guys enjoyed it again, that was such a fun episode for me to put together, and I’m glad more of you guys can listen to it.

The Thanksgiving Reveal That Changed Everything

Now as promised, here’s the first chapter of my audiobook. Here comes the drama. Enjoy.

Part one, chapter one, Kate can’t believe her ears. She picks up her glass of wine, throws back what’s left, then stands up and storms out of the living room with a loud huff. Her daughter Jenny, watches her leave in pure confusion, then glances at everyone else before quickly jumping off the couch to follow her.

Mom, are you okay? She yells after her hurrying closer. She notices a drop of red wine has stained her mom’s white blouse. Ugh. I just know she’s doing this to get my son away from me. Kate charges into the next room looking unsteady, like she’s about to burst. What are you talking about, Jenny? Quickly, interjects Sloan isn’t taking anyone away from you.

Her eyes drift toward the window where snow has just started falling. At first it was light and quiet, barely noticeable, but now it’s beginning to fall in thick clumps, sticking to the glass, like something trying to get in. Kate pushes up her round brown glasses as a be of sweat drips from her forehead.

Did you not just hear them? They come waltzing in here on Thanksgiving to tell us they’re not going to be here on Christmas. Her voice trembles with a mix of hurt and disbelief For a moment, she questions whether or not she’s overreacting, but the thought vanishes as quickly as it came. Her stance is firm now.

There’s no going back. Jenny looks at her mother dumbfounded. She takes a deep breath to save herself from calling out her mother’s ridiculousness right here, right now. Yeah, they planned a vacation together. I think it’s perfectly acceptable. She runs a hand through her long, dirty blonde hair, exhaling sharply.

You can’t tell them not to go on vacation together. The snow was falling harder Now. Piling on the windowsill in soft, heavy heaps, like the weight of everything left unsaid in the room. But on Christmas, there are 364 other days of the year. Why’d they have to pick Christmas? Kate’s voice gets louder each time she talks and there is clear panic in her voice like she’s been robbed.

My guess is because they wanted to spend the holidays together. Jenny sarcastically replies, this isn’t some weird thing for a boyfriend to do with his girlfriend. Kate rolls her eyes before putting her head down and her hands and mumbling. You just watch Jenny. This is how it all starts. Then soon they’re just not going to show up for certain holidays.

She looks up staring off as if she just had an epiphany hearing her own words. Mom. You should be happy that Ferris found someone he loves and wants to spend his time with. Jenny says, resting a hand on her mom’s back. Now can we go back out there, put on a happy face, and enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving?

She raises both point of fingers to the corners of her mouth, exaggerating a smile. After a long pause, Kate pulls a tissue out of her pocket and dabs her face. Although Jenny didn’t see any tears. Fine. Kate stands tall, touches up her short brown hair, and forces a painful, wide smile. How’s this great?

Jenny gives her a swift thumbs up and gestures for her mother to follow her back out into the living room where the others are. GI is the first to step back into her parents’ living room. Where she spots her brother, Ferris at the fridge, grabbing two beers, one for their dad, Ted, and one for himself. The room is warm with the scent of Thanksgiving leftovers, and the muffled hum of conversation drifts in from the dining room.

You need more wine, babe. Ferris calls out over his shoulder. His voice casual but affectionate. His short, faintly golden hair with brown undertones is slightly tussled. A few strands falling in his face as he reaches for the fridge. Sloan is curled up on the couch, legs crossed, swirling the last bit of red wine in her glass, her long, almost black hair drapes over one shoulder, catching the warm glow of the Christmas lights.

She’s wearing a soft knit sweater, dress in a deep burgundy, paired with thick socks, comfortable yet casually stylish in a way that almost seems natural to her. She looks over at him with a small knowing. Smile. No, I still have some left. Thanks, Sloane. Smirks and turns just a little as she notices. Jenny walking back in.

Oh hey, everything okay? Her eyes flick between Jenny and Kate searching for any sign of what just happened. She knew Kate was upset about the trip. But sometimes it was easier to pretend she didn’t notice than to invite more drama. Yeah. Sorry about that. Jenny says quickly, my mom thought she ate something bad.

Her voice is light, but there’s a flicker of something else beneath it before Sloan can press GI shifts gears. So anyway, tell us more about your trip. Where are you guys going? She walks right up to Sloan and sits down at the chair across from her. Kate Reenters the room lingering near the doorway, arms crossed displeasure, practically radiating off her.

We’re going to Santa Monica. Sloan replies quietly combing her hair behind her ear. I’ve never been before. Ferris knows I hate the snow, so he planned for a warm vacation to get us out of here. It was all his idea, so he’ll have more of the details. She looks over at Ferris now seated next to her on the couch, Ferris hands, beer to his dad.

Then takes a sip of his own and leans back. Yeah, I mean, I don’t have too much planned yet, but I thought we’d escape the dreaded Milwaukee winter and soak up some sun for once. He nods toward the window where thick clumps of snow swirl in the wind. Before reaching over and gently taking Sloan’s hand Sloan glances down at their intertwined fingers, a soft smile forming as warmth blooms in her chest.

But even in the comfort of this moment, she can feel Kate’s disapproval lingering like a heavy cloud that refuses to pass. That sounds amazing. Jenny jumps in quickly. What do you think, mom? Doesn’t that sound fun? Her voice is too chipper. Eyes flicking toward Kate with the hope that a simple question might smooth over the crack in the room.

Ted shifts slightly in his chair. His gaze fixed on his wife. He raises his eyebrows just enough to signal, go easy, try to be happy, but it’s clear he’s bracing himself after almost 30 years of marriage. He knows her moods, her tells he knows exactly where this could be headed. When Kate answers, yeah, it sounds great.

With a snap of sarcasm. Ted Exhales just barely for a split second. It seems like that might be the end of it, but then he catches the sudden shift. In her expression. She gasps his shoulders, stiffen. Here it comes. Maybe we should all go. Her somber mood instantly flips to excitement making her way to the front of the room.

Sloan tenses, every instinct screams at her to shut the idea down, but she hesitates. It’s not her place. Kate has always been dismissive of her. Why would this moment be any different? Funny mom, Ferris cuts in forcing a chuckle, but there’s an edge of unease in his voice. No, I’m serious. Wouldn’t it be great?

Kate stands as if she’s launching into a full blown presentation. She turns to her husband, eyes bright with enthusiasm. Ted, shouldn’t we go? Ted? Takes a deep breath. Kate. We can go to Santa Monica any other time. I don’t think we need to hijack our son’s vacation with his girlfriend. He runs a hand across his forehead as if trying to smooth out the wrinkles.

He’s certain are forming. Oh, come on. It’ll be so much fun to spend Christmas together in California. Kate is starting to act like this is the best idea she’s ever had. She turns back towards Ferris, gesturing to the Christmas tree already up in the living room, decorated with ornaments, with brief reminders of their childhood.

You know how much Christmas means to me. Ferris opens his mouth like he’s about to say something when a defeated look appears on his face, and he stops. He knows his mom. She doesn’t take hearing no very well, and it would turn into a huge ordeal if he tries to push back Now. He tries to figure out a way to get her to back off a bit and decides to change the subject.

Leaning forward and peeking around Sloan to catch his dad’s eye. Wow. Dad, I am so full. That Turkey you made was fantastic. Way better than last year’s. Ted Beams about to respond. When Kate jumps in. It was, you really know how to make the holidays special around here. All of you. Her smile is a little too bright as she claps her hands together.

Now, who wants dessert? She asks already pivoting toward the kitchen. That sounds great. I’ll help you. Jenny says, as she shakes her head behind her mom and disappointment, as Kate and Jenny disappear into the kitchen, Ted leans in lowering his voice for only Ferris and Sloan to hear. Hey. He says, offering a warm smile.

I think the trip sounds perfect. You too deserve it. He pauses his eyes flicking toward the kitchen, and you know how your mother is. She just needs a minute to adjust. Don’t let it ruin your plans. Ferris puts his arm around Sloan gently pulling her closer. There was no doubt in his mind. Sloan didn’t want his mom on their couple’s vacation and he wasn’t going to let it happen.

It wasn’t unusual for his mom to try to control new situations. In the past, he might’ve let it slide, but not this time. Sloan was different. She was his person. She was articulate, compassionate and beautiful, but not in a way that banked for attention. More like the kind of beauty that you noticed slowly.

Then couldn’t unsee. Ferris used to tell his mom everything back when he was a kid. It had felt natural, easy even. She always knew what to say. Always had a plan. But then he remembered the summer after seventh grade. He had been obsessed with skateboarding, saving up every dollar from mowing lawns to buy his first board.

He and his best friend Ben, would spend hours practicing tricks, wiping out on the pavement, laughing at their bruises until Kate decided it was dangerous. He’s a bad influence. She had told him one night, arms crossed, lips pressed into a thin line. Always pushing you to do reckless things. You’ll break an arm Ferris, and what about school?

You need to focus. He had argued, of course he had, but then came the nagging, the disappointed size, the gentle, but firm reminders of all the things she had done for him. I’m only trying to protect you, and so he quit. He told Ben he was too busy and that his mom needed his help around the house. It wasn’t true, but it was easier than fighting about it or living with guilt.

Now, years later, Ferris knew better. He saw the pattern, the way she packaged control as concern. It wasn’t just about skateboarding or friends or even his career. It was everything, every choice, every step he took, which is why he barely told her anything anymore. They enjoyed their dessert together.

Moving past the idea of them all, going to Santa Monica for Christmas. Ferris did his best to get his mom talking about her new book club with the neighbor Ladies after dessert, he and Sloane start inching their way to the door, getting on their shoes and coats so they can head home. Oh, leaving so soon.

Kate’s voice carries a hint of surprise, though it’s clear she’s more focused on keeping them there than acknowledging how difficult she could be. Sloan turns and smiles at Kate trying to keep things light. Yeah, it’s getting light. I’m hoping to call my mom on the way home since we didn’t get to see her this year for Thanksgiving.

Kate ignores Sloan’s comment and turns towards Ferris. Well, bye guys. It was so great having you guys here for Thanksgiving, as you should be for all holidays. Kate accentuates the all to make sure they remember where she stands. Ferris forces a smile before placing his hand on Sloan’s back as they turn to leave.

I’ll meet you in the car in just a sec. I forgot to grab some pie to take home. Oh yeah, sure. Bye Kate. Bye, Ted. Thanks again for having us. The food was delicious. Sloan says, wrapping her scarf around her neck as she stepped out of the house. Okay, so there’s pumpkin and apple pie left. Which did you want?

You know what, I’ll go grab you some of each. Kate says as she hurs into the kitchen. Um, I’ll have some apple, but actually I don’t really need any pie. Ferris says, checking to make sure Sloan hasn’t walked back into the house. He looks directly at his mom. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. Of course.

Look, I’m really excited for this vacation. I’m going to start planning tonight. Kate interrupts a little too quickly. Ted easing his way back into the living room, props his legs up in the recliner. His eyes are tired and it’s clear he’s had enough for the night. He knows exactly how his wife can be, so he shuts down, retreating into his own space.

No, mom, you can’t come. Ferris says his tone firmer this time. What do you mean? Why? Oh wait. You’re breaking up with Sloan, aren’t you? I knew something was off tonight. What? No, nothing was off with us tonight. I’d really like this trip to just be Sloan and me so we can have some time alone. A long time.

Kate Scoffs. What do you need alone time for? You already live together. I hardly see you anymore. She pauses before adding. I wouldn’t want to intrude, but maybe I could just stay nearby. Dad and I will get our own hotel room. We’ll have our own time, but we can meet up for dinners and stuff. She continues rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

Searching for a container bag big enough for the leftover pie. No, I’m sorry. I love you, but this trip is for Sloan in me. I need you to respect that Ferris states for a moment. Kate wonders if she’s being too harsh, if maybe she’s giving him a reason to pull away. But the thought is bleeding. She quickly reminds herself of everything she’s done for him over the years.

He still needs her. Well, what if something happens? I could help you plan it. It’s already planned and paid for Ferris Exhales. But look, I need to tell you why. It just needs to be the two of us. Okay? Kate stops what she’s doing and stands there wide-eyed, staring at her son. Actually, I kind of want to tell Dad too really quickly.

Hey dad, can you come in here, Ted Hurries over from the other room to join them. So really quick, I want to talk to you and mom to let you know why I want to take Sloan on vacation. Just the two of us. Oh man, I think I know where this is going. Ted says, with a big smile on his face. Ferris looks over at his mom.

Who looks like she’s just seen a ghost. I actually plan on surprising Sloan and proposing the first night we’re there, the room goes silent and Ferris looks at both of his parents for any kind of approval. Ted looks at Kate waiting for her reaction, proposing what? She responds slowly. Her voice tinged with uncertainty as she tries to piece it all together.

She knew exactly what he meant, but if he saw how confused she was, maybe he would take it as a sign that the timing wasn’t right. Come on, Kate. Ted finally jumps in. Oh my gosh, Ferris, this is so exciting. He walks up and wraps his arms around his son. Giving him a strong, reassuring pat on the back, the silent gesture filled with unspoken.

Congratulations. Kate just stands there staring at the two of them, vowing her naivety. Marriage Mom Ferris says, is he loosened his dad’s grip on him and turns. What else am I going to propose? What, but you hardly know her. Are you sure she’s the right one for you? She starts shuffling around the kitchen, cleaning up items from dinner, forgetting about the pie completely.

Ted is caught in the middle looking around like he’s praying for an out. I don’t consider two and a half years together. Hardly knowing each other. Yes, I know she’s the right one for me. Ferris’s voice is tight as he peers out the window behind him to make sure Sloan is okay in the car. His mom isn’t backing down, but you are so young.

Maybe just give it some more time. Ted can’t hold his tongue anymore. I think what your mom is trying to say is congratulations, right to Kate, he says. Looking over at her, giving her every opportunity to change her tune. Congratulations. It hasn’t even happened yet. He is just telling us his hypothetical plan.

He still has to really think about it. She smiles. I don’t think you realize how big of a decision this truly is for her. She says Condescendingly putting her hand on the counter to reach out and touches. Ferris pulls his hand back and moves away from the counter. Okay, well I can see where this conversation is going.

He takes a moment to take a breath and gather himself. Thank you Dad for the congratulations. Sloan’s waiting in the car, so I gotta get going, but um, thanks. I guess he hurries past his parents and out the door before he realizes he forgot the pie, sh*t.

by Christa Innis

Hired Bridesmaids, Fake Weddings, and a Parking Lot Party with Jen Glantz

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Weddings and meltdowns? A tale as old as time. In this hilarious and heartfelt episode, Christa chats with Jen Glantz, professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, about the chaos, comedy, and confessions that come with walking down the aisle.

From makeup disasters to fire alarms (yes, really), we hear a wild listener story that proves a great attitude and a solid DJ can save any wedding. Jen also shares her bold take on why the bridesmaid tradition might be on its way out — and we are HERE for it.

So grab your glass of champagne and tune in for secrets, laughs, and a whole lot of drama. Because if it didn’t go off the rails at least once, was it even a wedding?

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:00 Introduction

00:40 Starting Bridesmaid for Hire

02:10 First Experiences as a Hired Bridesmaid

03:37 Wedding Drama and Secrets

10:32 Reflections on Weddings and Marriage

24:12 Surprise Weddings vs. Bridal Showers

24:39 Bridesmaid Dress Dilemmas

26:26 Wedding Day Mishaps and Makeup Mayhem

28:01 A Wedding Day Story: Locked in the Bridal Suite

36:02 Wedding Chaos and Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • When Makeup Goes Rogue – One bridesmaid’s obsession with touch-ups led to mismatched foundation and delayed the entire glam schedule. A perfect example of beauty chaos in action.
  • Locked in the Bridal Suite – Just minutes before the ceremony, the bride was accidentally locked in a historic art museum room by a kid… and had to be freed by maintenance.
  • The Corn-on-the-Cob Catastrophe – Steam from dinner set off the museum’s smoke detectors, forcing a full-on evacuation mid-wedding. Yes, over corn.
  • Dancing in the Parking Lot – With no venue access, the bartender rolled out drinks and the DJ kept the party going outside. Crisis = avoided.
  • The Uninvited Plus-One – An estranged wife of a guest showed up unannounced and partied like she was on the list. Because of course she did.
  • The Case for Bridesmaid Extinction – Jen shares her spicy hot take that bridesmaids aren’t just unnecessary, they’re on their way out completely.
  • Strangers Are the Best Listeners – Jen opens up about why she connects more deeply with strangers than friends, and how that makes her job as a pro bridesmaid uniquely powerful.
  • Chaos, Confessions, and a Wedding That Still Won – Despite the disasters, the couple (and their guests) still call it the most fun wedding they’ve ever been to, and that’s the real win.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “This is like literally a movie-like, all these little things that happen? Insane. Wild.” – Christa Innis
  • “We shield ourselves in certain ways, not because someone’s making us, but because it just feels easier to be our full selves around strangers sometimes.” – Christa Innis
  • “If you go into your wedding day knowing something will go wrong, you’re gonna be fine. It’s the ones expecting perfection that freak out.” – Christa Innis
  • “Please, guests, don’t tell the bride drama during the wedding. Save it for next week!” – Christa Innis
  • “Just leave it to the professionals, and please, put down the iPad.” – Christa Innis
  • “I don’t love weddings, I love helping strangers through one of the most stressful times in their lives.”– Jen Glantz
  • “Your best friend might lie to spare your feelings. I won’t, I’ve got no stakes in this game.” – Jen Glantz
  • “Being locked in a room on your wedding day? That’s my literal nightmare.” – Jen Glantz
  • “You don’t need bridesmaids. In five to ten years, I think they’ll be extinct.” – Jen Glantz
  • “If you have good people and good vendors, they can carry you through anything, even a wedding evacuation.” – Jen Glantz

About Jen:

Jen Glantz turned a closet full of bridesmaid dresses into a bold idea: what if you could hire a professional bridesmaid? After joking about always being a bridesmaid, a lightbulb moment, and a Craigslist ad, led to 250+ inquiries in two days. In 2014, she launched Bridesmaid for Hire, offering unbiased support in a $300B wedding industry. Since then, Jen’s helped hundreds of clients, trained a team of pros, and become the go-to expert on wedding chaos, featured on the TODAY Show, GMA, and more.

Follow Jen Glantz:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Jen. Thank you for being here.

Jen Glantz: Thank you so much for having me.

Christa Innis:  It feels so funny to like say hi now ’cause we’ve just been chatting nonchalantly for like 30 minutes. I’m like, oh, maybe we should like start recording. I feel like we just so naturally just started like hanging out like old friends. ’cause I’ve been following your content for such a long time and I feel like it just fits so well into what we’re gonna talk about today.

Jen Glantz: Oh, I’m so excited to be here. I love the show. I’ve been following you too, and I feel like we’re like long distance best friends who needed a reason to meet and now we’re meeting, so this is great.

The Professional Bridesmaid Who Saves Weddings (and Keeps Secrets)

Christa Innis: Yeah,  and we just found out that our daughters are like pretty much twins, like born the same time, so that’s pretty fun too. So all these things just lining out, which is kind of cool. So let’s talk about a little bit more about you. you started Bridesmaid for Hire, so let’s talk about that and then we’ll get into all the drama and crazy stories that you might have. So how did you get started and like what made you start it?

Jen Glantz: It was such an accident. I was in my early twenties and like a lot of people, I was just asked to be a bridesmaid so many times by friends. And then what happened? It was like distant friends, people I hadn’t spoken to in forever started asking me to be a bridesmaid.

And I didn’t really like being a bridesmaid. I thought it was expensive. I just thought it was like too much. I didn’t like it. And I was venting to my roommate one night after two of these distant friends asked me and she was like, Jen, they’re asking you ’cause you’re a professional. Like you’re just good at this.

And I had like a light bulb moment where I thought, okay, if I could do this for people who I hardly know, maybe I could do it for people I really don’t know. And at the time, Craigslist was a big thing. So it was a Friday night. I opened up Craigslist and I posted an ad offering my services as a hired bridesmaid for strangers.

The ad went completely viral. I got hundreds of emails, people wanting to hire me, and now it’s been a decade and I’ve been a hired bridesmaid for hundreds of strangers.

Christa Innis: That’s amazing. I was gonna ask you, how many times have you been at BRIDESMAID now? So now it’s been like in the hundreds?

Jen Glantz: Yes. There were years where I worked like 59 weddings a year. I would work two or three weddings a weekend. I didn’t see anybody, none of my friends, not my boyfriend, who’s now my husband, like I was only on the road working weddings. I’ve since slowed down a little bit ’cause I have a toddler, but I still do it and the business is alive and well.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. And so. What was that like first wedding? Like where you worked with a stranger? Like were you kind of figuring things out because I’m sure it’s so different with someone you know, versus someone that like you know nothing about. Like were you interviewing them first, finding out that you’re a good match? What were kind of the stipulations for like working together?

Jen Glantz: It was so crazy ’cause I had posted this Craigslist ad. I got all these responses and I just happened to scroll through one, her name was Ashley from Maple Grove, Minnesota, and in her email she was like, I wanna hire you because my best friend, I just fired her as my maid of honor. She was jealous. She was sabotaging the wedding. Ashley had mentioned that her mom had passed away and she just really didn’t have the support that she needed. And I got the email. I called her up, we talked for a little bit, and I thought. Okay, let’s do this. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t the best bridesmaid in the world. I didn’t like being a bridesmaid. But I posted this ad for fun and I got this response and I thought, okay, well maybe it is my calling. So a couple weeks later, I got on a plane. I flew to Minnesota, I walked into her house and I was her bridesmaid for the weekend. We instantly connected. I found this like love for her in so many different ways.

I was able to show up for her. I walked down the aisle for her. I wore the dress. I danced on the dance floor with her. And I remember getting back on the plane thinking this was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And nobody’s gonna understand this, but I absolutely know that this is something that the world needs and I’m gonna spend my life doing it. And that was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: Wow. So I’m sure you get, like you said, like this girl had just fired her maid of honor. So I’m sure you get all kinds of like dirt or tea or stories like from people that are like, okay, like this is the bridesmaid to look out for, or we’re having issues with this bridesmaid. Like, are you so quickly like brought into the drama or brought into the dynamics of the family?

Jen Glantz: Oh, beyond. I don’t know if you realize this, like, and you do this probably too. It’s like we tell strangers things a lot easier than we do tell our friends, our family members. I know like, I’ve been on the subway or I’ve been on a bench in New York and I’ve struck up conversation with someone and told them a secret that my friends don’t even know about me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: You know, we go to therapy, we tell the therapist things nobody knows about us. Yeah. So to a lot of people who hire me, I’m that temporary pair of ears that they can just trauma dump and never have to see again.

Yeah. I think. Interesting thing is, is that when someone hires me, nobody else knows I’m hired.

So they don’t tell their family, their friends, sometimes they don’t even tell their Beyonce. But I do think I bring this energy to people around me of you can trust me, you can tell me things and I won’t judge you. ’cause I really have no stake in the game to judge you. Mm-hmm. So I end up being that bridesmaid with no agenda, no real intentions. And people come to me to tell me things because I think I give off that energy. So I have mothers telling me things, bridesmaid telling me things like everyone telling me things and yeah, you often leave the wedding and you’re like, I am so full with drama right now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with like, I need to explode, but I have nowhere to explode. It’s the weirdest and worst feeling after the wedding.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I mean, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s like one of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. Oh, that was the first time that this has happened to me. Like, you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

Yeah. But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years into the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her like, look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. You know?

But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because like that just doesn’t seem right to me. Yeah, this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and my, you know, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is, is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the wedding, the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is crazy. It was crazy.

Christa Innis: Like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind of like it sounds so crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both like, yeah, you know, I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just like have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So like nobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways. And that happens. I mean, not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’ve, seen it happen before too, where like all the signs were there and I’ve talked this before, so sorry to people listening. They’re like, I’ve heard this story, but A wedding that I was in years ago, and it was like all the signs, like every single event that we had around the wedding, the shower, the bachelorette party, even the rehearsal like ended with her in tears, like saying, I don’t wanna do this and I, like, we all sat in the car and we’re like, you don’t have to do this. We will figure out a way to get you out of this. But it was like more about now the presentation of the wedding and it was like, no, we’ll make it work. And I’m like, if you have all these negative gut feelings, I don’t know, like something’s telling me, you know? And so I feel like that happens a lot too. ’cause it’s more of the pressure of the big day, oh, family’s flying in. Oh we already paid the vendor. Or what are people gonna think of us? And it’s like, well it either doesn’t work out now or down the line it you get divorced or whatever. But yeah…

Jen Glantz: And in a weird way I get it because I do think like it’s hard to back out right before, and I’ve talked to so many people who are like. I remember walking down the aisle of my first marriage thinking, wow, this is gonna suck to have to do again. Like they knew on their wedding day that it just wasn’t gonna work.

But they were so far deep into it, and I get that, like, you get yourself so far into a situation, you might just take it to the finish line and then back out of it after. I can never judge people for that, and I completely, completely get it. But yeah, it’s really weird when someone admits that to you because there’s this aura around a wedding that everyone’s supposed to be in love and happy, but that’s not always the case.

Christa Innis: Right. I know. I think that’s where like in the wedding industry, it gets very caught up with like, looks and appeal and like, who’s spending the most money. And I feel like that’s where like a lot of the drama comes into with like, the lot of stories I read, it’s all about like looking good and like, flashy, flashy. And it’s like, are we getting lost in the mix of all this chaos around weddings versus like. A couple that just has a very intimate wedding and just signs a paper, Or just has like 15 other closest friends,not saying one’s better than the other, but I feel like sometimes we get lost in like what other people want for us or looking good in front of other people, for sure.

Jen Glantz: I think it’s scary because we get so lost in it that the wedding ends and then you’re left with the marriage and you’re like, wait a second. I spent no time thinking about the marriage. I spent no time planning what would be next. That there is that wedding blues thing where after you get married you’re like, what now?

What is life? Do I really wanna be with this person forever? Like I didn’t even have a wedding. But I did feel that after we got married, the first year of marriage was so hard for me. ’cause I was like, wait a second. I’m stuck with this my whole life, like this little thing about my husband, like he’s never gonna change this.

I have to deal with this forever. Like I definitely had moments of that where I was like, wait a second. But like I think we just feel really strange after the wedding. And if you do a good job preparing for marriage, asking your partner the right questions, being on the same page about finances and future stuff, then the wedding will end no matter how you get married.

And your marriage will be off to a good start. But if you focus so much on the wedding and then you leave the wedding, you’re in debt, you’re sad ’cause that chapter’s over, it makes marriage really hard and that first year can be kind of brutal.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree with that too. I feel like there’s a lot of people that don’t realize or they realize, but they kind of pushed it aside. They’re like, oh, everything’s just gonna fall in place. Because I think it’s like the movies, you know, we talk about the movies and it’s like, you see all these like romance movies when you grow up and the finish line is the marriage or the wedding, right? And so like they get married at the end, they fall in love and they live happily ever after. I dunno if it’s like how girls grow up, right? We see these movies with princesses but like there’s more after the happily ever. After the big thing, there’s the actual life starting now.

Jen Glantz: It’s so boring. Like honestly, it’s so boring. So like how are you gonna be okay with that? You know? I feel like you planned this like grand wedding and then it’s over, and then you’re like, wait, now I’m on the couch with this person for the rest of my life. There’s a big reality check that I think people feel and no one really talks about.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah. I think that’s such an important conversation. I mean, we see these a lot, these stories when they come together, to get married. And then it’s like that, we were just talking about this before recording, how different families and personalities come together for this big day.

You hear like for example, somebody’s mother-in-law stories and then now you’re like, I’m married into this family, so now I have to see this mother-in-law at every single event. Or I have to see this cousin that hates me every single event or whatever that is. So like what people say is you’re not just marrying your partner, you’re marrying the family, or you’re marrying a routine or you’re marrying, that becomes your life, I guess.

Jen Glantz: It really does. I think the drama you’re experiencing within the wedding won’t go away. When the wedding is over. It will carry through to your life. So how you deal with it, how you process it, how you fix it during the wedding will be an indication of how you can handle it after. Because drama doesn’t just come and go with the wedding I think it sticks around for a long time, if not forever sometimes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So in these scenarios, when you are hired as a bridesmaid, I feel like some of these dramatic moments are moments where they like kind of wanna like pull you into what’s going on. How do you like mix, empathy versus professionalism versus like how do you kinda like carry, I feel like it’d be so challenging for some of these moments.

’cause you’re like, okay, am I a friend here, but am I also like a bridesmaid? Like how do you do all that?

Jen Glantz: The only way to do it is to go all in. To go all in and pretend and not pretend, but to truly believe that this person is your friend, and to treat them that way and to show them like this level of love that you have for your friends, for this person you hardly know, which I think makes doing the job hard.

And you at the core have to be a person who. Likes other people who enjoys other people, even people who are so different than you. So I go all in. I have to listen to the drama, I have to take it on. It becomes my drama. And you have to really be there for the person, even if inside you’re thinking, this is so stupid.

This is so, like, there’s bigger problems in life. Like you’re thinking all these things. It’s just like when your friend vents to you and you’re like, I wanna tell them. Like, get over it. But instead you’re like, no, I’m here. I hear you. I’m listening. Well, how can we get through this? Like, you really have to be in the moment.

But I think again, when you leave these weddings, you never see these people again. You’re cut off from the drama, you don’t always know how things end. And you go back to your real life and you’re like, who do I talk to about this? And for a while it was like really, really hard. It would take me like 24 to 48 hours to detox from this drama and everything I experienced.

 And it was really tough. And my husband, who was my boyfriend back then. He would be like listening, but he wouldn’t be able to fully understand or process ’cause he didn’t walk in those shoes.

Christa Innis: Right.

Jen Glantz: So yeah, it became really hard. It became like I was living in this double life where I’d come back to my real life and I would be like depressed because I’m just like shedding all of this emotion that I carried for a weekend.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think I saw, and I, if you do this for every wedding, but like sometimes you like. People don’t know you’re a hired bridesmaid. so sometimes you have a story means you have a different name. So how did that kind of start and do you think those are more common than being who you are as like known of, a hired bridesmaid?

Jen Glantz: So most of the time when they hire me, I have a fake name, a fake backstory, and I integrate into their life. So they’ll say, okay, I want you to be Jackie from high school. Here’s where I went to high school. Here’s everything you need to know. And I study this identity. I study all the facts from street corners to clubs we were in.

I read the yearbook like, oh my gosh, on this role as Jackie. And then when the wedding ends, Jackie disappears. And it’s not that weird ’cause like friends do come and go from our lives. So it’s very normal that Jackie would just be flaky and like never talk to this person again. That happens. So I become Jackie and then I ditch Jackie.

And then the next wedding I go to, I become Samantha. And I change my identity for these people to really integrate into their lives. They wanna keep it a secret. They don’t want people to know, and that’s their choice. And I carry that out for them.

Christa Innis: Wow. So. That sounds like you’re like the FBI or you’re like undercover. Do you ever stress out about like, what if I actually say the wrong name when I’m just chatting with someone?

Jen Glantz: Oh, like beyond the secret is when you’re talking to people, you just talk more about them and not about you. So like if they ask me a question, I’m like, everything’s good. I’m like, yeah, I’m good.

How about you? Like you just throw it back on them so that you don’t talk very much, which is. Totally fine. Like you could be the shy bridesmaid who just is like kind of aloof and that’s the personality you take on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That also sounds so fun ’cause it’s like you get to like live up whatever, like you’re just telling these crazy stories. You’re like, yeah, when I was in college I did this. And you’re just living your best life. Do you go to bachelorette parties? Do you go to showers? Like what other kind of events do you attend and like what are those kind of like?

Jen Glantz: I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are kind of more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light. Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. So I think that’s like a lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it. I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just like be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

I’m Not Wedding-Obsessed But I’ll Be There for You”

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then like being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and like what are your favorite parts of it all?

Like, because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this, this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that like shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You know, I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings. I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this like deep love for strangers and helping people Idon’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect with strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a part of your wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. Right? And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or you know, whatever it is. Um, yeah, and I’m

Jen Glantz: Not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So like, if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s kind of the relationship is like, I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. Like go through it that go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that I’m, my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that you said too, like it’s easier to talk to strangers about things than like people in your own life. ’cause I was like, it’s weird. I like kind of, I get that what you’re talking about. It’s such like a profound thing that I’ve never thought about. But like even when I started my TikTok account, I made sure like. It was a brand new account. I didn’t tell any of my, even like best friends that I was doing other than my husband, no one knew I was making videos on TikTok until like it hit a certain point. Then I was like, okay, they’ll probably see it somewhere. So I was like, here, like, just so you know, I’m not like lying or like making things up. I was like, here, this is my account. because it just felt easier to almost feel like, you know what? These people don’t know anything about me. I can be like on the internet and do a weird skit and know they’re not gonna be like, oh, that girl’s weird. ’cause I’m like, I have no idea who that is. You know.

Jen Glantz: Less pressure for you because then you don’t have to think about, okay, what is my friend gonna think of this? Or what is this person gonna think? Like, it’s less pressure, it’s the more authentic version of you. I think it’s amazing when people do that because I think like we’re so swayed by the people in our lives for so many things.

Like I think It could be good to get engaged and not tell anybody for a really long time and spend that time making your own decisions about what you want for your wedding because you’d be surprised, like the second you get engaged and you tell people, everybody has an opinion for you. Everybody is swaying you one way or the other. And I think that’s really hard for people. So I love that you did that because I really think it allows you to be authentic without the pressure of everyone in your life.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think we definitely, I don’t know if it’s like shield ourself in certain ways. Not because one’s making us, but I just think we naturally like maybe act a certain way around someone or say something around a person. And that allows us to be like our, like you said, authentic self.

Okay. I know we’re kind of like behind schedule and I know you’ve got, I don’t wanna like keep you too long, so let’s get to the next area and if we have a cutoff, let me know too.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God, no. Thank you. I’m like texting my husband. He’s like, Just wondering. So I was like texting you.

Blisters, Secrets, and Surprise Weddings

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, sorry. Okay, so we’re gonna do a quick rapid fire and then we’re gonna do this week story submission, if that works for you. Okay. So Rapid Fire Wedding Chaos Edition. Would you rather find out the bride copied your wedding, or your best friend booked her wedding the same day as yours?

Jen Glantz: I’d rather someone copy my wedding because I feel like. That wouldn’t bother me as much. I do feel like it would make me kind of flattered that they liked my style or my design, but I think my best friend having the same wedding, that would be, really awful. Like, yeah, that’d be tough to get over. And I think it would separate the friendship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I agree. Would you rather have a maid of honor speech include your most embarrassing story story or your biggest secret?

Jen Glantz: I think embarrassing story. ’cause I think if it’s enough distance, time-wise, you can process that. It’s funny but secret. That could be like a dagger to the heart. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially you don’t know if it’s coming. You’re like, great.

Jen Glantz: Right. No embarrassing story. I feel like with distance it could be funny.

Christa Innis: Yeah. would you rather have to plan a surprise bridal shower or a surprise wedding?

Jen Glantz: You know, I once went to a surprise wedding and it was so cool. So I think I would say surprise wedding actually, because I feel like it’s so shocking for everybody that like it is kind of magical. Whereas bridal shower, it’s cute, it’s fun, but like I think the wedding could be really, shocking.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like showers, like in my parents’ generation at least, they used to be a little more surprised. Like my mom was like, we never knew when it was coming, and like you would just get surprised. So, yeah well, surprise wedding sounds really fun. Would you rather wear a bridesmaid dress you hate, which you might have? Sorry about that. Or shoes that give you blisters.

Jen Glantz: Mm-hmm. God, this one’s like really dark. I would say bride me dress you hate. ’cause when you take it off at the end of the night, you can like leave it behind. But we’ve all had those blisters on our feet that linger for like a month and are so painful no matter what shoe you wear. Like my feet right now are like tingling, thinking about it. So I think I would say ugly dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can only imagine the amount of bridesmaid dresses you have. You could probably have a collection.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, they’re literally all in garbage bags at my husband’s, parents’ house, and then we have an office and I just have like garbage bags of dresses.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Jen Glantz: Ever need a bridesmaid dress? Let me know. I probably have it. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: You could have like your own bridesmaid, like resale store or something from all of them.

Jen Glantz: I tell all my friends and I tell everyone I know, like, if you ever have to go to a wedding, call me first. I’ve got dresses in every size. Like, come over, take ’em. But the only rule is you cannot bring it back like once. It’s yours. It’s yours. I don’t want it.

Christa Innis: would you rather have to redo your hair and makeup three times or redo the seating chart the morning of.

Jen Glantz: I think the seating chart, I think you can get away with that easier, but you’re doing your hair and makeup, that takes so much time that I worry it would push the wedding time start. So…

Christa Innis: Yeah, that would stress me out. would you rather have a wedding, be kid free or phone free?

Jen Glantz: Because I have a kid, I’m gonna say phone free. I know that kid free weddings are like such a thing. But I do think there is such like life that these little kids bring to weddings and I’m so biased. But I do think like it’s more fun. Whereas like a phone wedding, I think we can all like put the phone down.

Like everyone’s taking like videos of them on the dance floor. Like of what? No one wants to see your head on Instagram of you like bobbing your head dancing.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: Let the kids come if you want.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Leave it to the, professional photographers. Yes, yes. Yeah. Be present. And it’s so funny because, and I know this is gonna be a blanket statement, but I feel like the, older generation that tends to be like, oh, get off your phone.

They’re the ones more on their phones at weddings when I am at weddings or their iPads.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. I was just gonna say that I’ve been to so many weddings where they’re the first two rows and their iPad is like up in the air and I’m like, oh my god. No. Yeah. I think like phone free would be amazing for everyone. Oh my gosh. I love that.

Locked Doors, Dessert Raids, and a Surprise Guest

Christa Innis: Okay, and now the story submission, are we still okay on time?

Jen Glantz: So nervous. Okay. Awesome.

Christa Innis: Okay, so this is this week’s story submission. I’ve not read it yet, so we’ll react together. this might be drama for some, but to me it was just funny. Here’s the story of our wedding day.

I come from a big family and most of them stayed in the same hotel as us the night before the wedding in different rooms. Of course, my husband took, my cousin, took it upon themselves. To make sure my husband and I didn’t accidentally run into each other the night before the ceremony. It was actually the first time he was meeting some of them, and he thought it was hilarious how seriously they took their self-appointed mission as my gift to my bridesmaids.

I paid for professional hair and makeup. One of my bridesmaid, let’s call her Leah, is a family member who kept going back for touchups between everyone else, the rest of the bridal party, my mom, even my daughter. Which caused a delay for me getting ready and threw off our timeline. Karma’s real though, because she had her makeup redone so many times.

I love that. We were just talking about having makeup redone and then this just happens. She had her makeup redone so many times. She ended up with two different foundation shades. So now in all the wedding pictures, she only shows up in profile. We got married in an art museum that used to be an old mansion.

The bridal suite was the original master bedroom complete with its original door. The museum was still open to the public when the wedding started, our ceremony was at 4:30 PM and the MU museum closed at five and there was a kid’s room right to the outside of the suite. Okay. A lot of, lot of set up details here.

Um, after the bridal party left to line up for the perception processional, I had a few minutes to myself. Not even two minutes later, I heard a kid fall into the door. Yep. They jammed it shut and I got locked inside. This sounds like a movie. Oh my gosh. I would be freaking out. Oh God. I would not do well with that. I’m telling you right now.

Jen Glantz: No, my like, literally my number one fear is getting locked inside of a bathroom. I will never lock the door. I’m like, this is like my fear. My fear,

Christa Innis: Yeah. Have you ever been somewhere where the, the doorknob gets like clicked and for a minute you’re like, this is where I live now.

Jen Glantz: It happened to me the other day. In like a dark little coffee shop bathroom, and I could not get the door open and I, I was freaking out. I was like, how does this end, it’s my, it’s my biggest fear. My whole body like shuts down and get hives. Like I’m listening to this and I’m like, on the wedding day, like the worst thing that could happen.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said, when I didn’t show up downstairs, my wedding coordinator came to find me and discovered that the door was stuck. I was laughing the whole time. At least Alicia can laugh about it. I give the credit. I know. I’m like sweating, thinking about it. I know. She ended up grabbing the maintenance man and my photographer and they had to take the hinges off the door to get me out.

Jen Glantz: God.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. This is like a total side story, but I’m thinking about how there was this one time. So we have a balcony where we live and one time my husband and I were out, like reading one morning, this was before we had kids, our daughter, and I’m like reading and he’s like, I’m gonna go in and shower.

And I’m like, not paying attention, so I’m just reading blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he, um, wasn’t thinking. And I like finally go to go inside. The door is locked and he like was just, just doing his normal thing. So he just like shut it. And I’m like out there and I’m like, and it was like a hot day and like this is me just like being dramatic.

And I didn’t have my phone out. I didn’t bring my phone out, I didn’t bring my watch out. And I’m like. Oh my gosh. Okay. I’ll just try to read, I’m like sitting there panicking and I’m like, what if like, he like takes a long shower and like sometimes he just like, like, um, breathing exercises. And I was like, what if he takes so long to get outta here?

And then he like finally comes out and I’m at the door and I’m like, he’s like, oh my gosh, did I lock you in?

Jen Glantz: Nope. Like, what if he left to go out or something? Like what would you have done? What would you have done? I dunno.

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I mean, luckily we’re not too high off, but I probably would just flag someone if I saw ’em on the street. Like, hey!

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, but like that is like terrifying. That is. But even being stuck out there for five minutes, like your life kind of flashes before you, you’re like, is there an end to this? It’s scary.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially when you on the clock, like you lose like track of time. You’re like, how long was I out here for?

I don’t even know what it was. I, no, it probably 30 seconds, but it feels like 20 minutes, like two minutes. Um. Why my mom always called me dramatic growing up. Um, okay. The ceremony went great. Okay, so I guess so she got out, ceremony went great. Cocktail hour, also a win. Then dinner service started. Remember, we’re still in a museum.

They brought out a fresh tray of corn on the cob and the steam from it set off the smoke detectors. Because we weren’t an official museum event, we had to evacuate until the fire department arrived. Damn.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. Okay. I honestly thought the fire department was gonna have to come to knock down the door.

So I’m like, okay. There’s, I’m glad the fire department’s coming now. Like that is awful. Imagine standing outside in your wedding dress with all of your guests just like standing this room.

Christa Innis: This is like literally like a movie, like seeing like all these things. I’m just glad she’s like being able to like look back and like laugh on it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: She said 30 minutes outside, no fire trucks. It’s like weddings, like 30 minutes is a lot of time. There’s a lot that can happen. Yes. Turns out the security officer told dispatch not to send them since there wasn’t an actual fire, but the museum’s insurance required them to come, so we were stuck outside for over an hour. Oh no!

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. That is crazy. Like also like are, were they allowed to bring drinks with them? Food with them? I doubt it. Like I’m sure. Yeah. And like, God, the temperature was, and people standing around like it, I think it also kills the vibe ’cause everyone was probably like up, up, up. And then they’re like back down to reality. So recovering from that must be really tough.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Seriously? Yeah. Then you’re, yeah, you’re like, you’re like outta your party mode. You’re like, okay, what? When are they gonna get here?

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, but don’t worry, our bartender pulled their truck around and kept serving drinks. There you go. In the parking lot, the DJ grabbed a speaker and his phone and the people were dancing in the parking lot. I love that. That is so awesome.

Jen Glantz: She did it right. That’s how you, but that’s also how you know that like. This couple is good and chill because they were able to look at a situation like this and not panic and they were able to figure out a way to get through it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and this is one of the things I talk about too, like in different like videos and stuff is like I get sometimes brides being like, oh my gosh, your video stressed me out. Like I don’t want wedding to be like that. And I’m like, no, I’m telling you, most of the time there’s no drama or people don’t know about it. Like it would be something so small and you just talk about it later. But if you go in with like. In your mind, like, okay, something will go wrong today. It’s bound to happen. There’s gonna be something, right? But if you tell yourself that, then you’re just gonna be like, oh, okay, okay. The dress needs to be steamed and we’re gonna be a little late. Or, oh, so and so’s Uber didn’t show up. You know, like there’s always gonna be something. But like if you’re just like, what can you do? Make the best out of a situation and go roll with the punches, right.

Jen Glantz: So true. I think. Yeah, exactly. Like you said, people have to go into it knowing that at least three things will go wrong. It just things happen in threes. Three things most people won’t know. You might not even know, and that’s good too, but there’s no such thing as a perfect day. I mean, these things happen. It’s life.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And too, like we were talking about, is like I dramatized a lot of the skits while some Yes, I’m sure happened just like that at weddings. Um, like for example, there was like two, like two pretty small things. I wouldn’t say small. Drama ish moments that happened at our wedding, but we didn’t know, like us as the bride and groom, no one told us it happened until like weeks after.

They were like, oh, by the way, so and so said this to so-and-so. And then we were like, wait, what? And so they kept us out of it. So if you’re listening to your guests at a wedding, always keep the bride and groom out of it. Don’t tell them about little dumb things that happen. ’cause at the end of the day, like it doesn’t matter and don’t let it affect their day.

Jen Glantz: No. And if you’re in the bridal party, don’t tell the bride anything until like exactly like a week later. But yeah, I see sometimes made of actors or bridesmaids will like run up to tell the bride. I’m like, oh no, no. Like keep them out of this. They don’t need to know. It makes them just feel a lot better not knowing the truth.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Um. She said go, but wait, there’s more. When we finally got back inside, someone had thrown out our dinner plates. Why? Why is someone trying to ruin this wedding? Crazy. Yeah. Um, and people had already started raid the dessert table. We didn’t have a cake, just two chocolate fountains, one with white chocolate for me and one with milk chocolate for my husband.

Interracial couple goals. Um, so she says the caterer had to rearrange everything to make the couple table look full again, so we could have our, our cake moment when we dipped and fed each other. As the party kept going, we noticed a woman dancing like she was having in the time of her life. Neither of us recognized her, so we assumed she was someone’s plus one.

We were wrong. It was the estranged wife of one of my husband’s friends. She found the invitation and decided to crash the way.

Jen Glantz: God. Okay. This is like a wedding where it’s like bad things happen in threes, but this is like, we’re at like six, like this is crazy, crazy. At that point, I’d just be like, okay, invite the fire truck crew, like whatever.

At this point, you know, all can come in who sees an invitation and is like, yeah, I’m gonna go, but I’m not invited. Like, that’s ballsy.

Christa Innis:  That is really ballsy. Yeah. Just be like, you know what? I’m gonna stir up some drama. I mean. I, it’s, there’s no drama about her. I guess she just showed up, so,

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah. And when you look at the perspective of this whole day, that’s like the least dramatic thing. So it’s like, okay, great. Like we have a wedding crasher, but also I was locked in a closet. The fire department was here. There’s no food. The desserts ruined. Like perspective wise, we’re like, let her stay, like let her have her best time here. She’s welcome.  

Christa Innis: Yes, yes. Um, she said it’s been five years and people still talk about how ours was one of the best weddings they ever attended, despite all the chaos, and honestly, I have to agree, we laugh about it every time we tell the story.

It makes a really good story to like just tell people. I love that. Like every little thing that happened, they were able to just like laugh about it and be like, we’re a fun couple. We don’t care. This is not gonna bring us down. I love it.

Jen Glantz: I mean, honestly. A lot of weddings are the same, and you leave them and you’re like, well, that was it. Like that was like the last one. And like you hear a story like this and imagine like going home and telling people this story, like it makes it fun. I don’t know, it’s not like I don’t wish bad things on anybody, but like I do think when hiccups like this happen, they do make for good stories and memories for people.

And the last thing you want, I think, when you’re planning a wedding is for people to leave and be like, it was generic. Like it was just, you know, okay. Like you kind of want them to have like a moment to talk about, obviously not. So dramatic like this, but yeah, I feel like, but something people are, yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean I feel like the dancing in the parking lot where the de like that is so fun and the fact that like they just thought quickly. It’s also a sign that she hired some great vendors because I feel like I know vendors that would not be as like, no. You’ve heard, I’m sure you’ve seen or heard stories too, or you just, there’s some vendors that are just very like, this is it. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, I, it shows that she had like good vendors, good people at her wedding, good partner. She had a lot of good, and I think if you have a lot of good going for you, it’ll outweigh anything that happens at your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, totally. Um, yeah, that’s like another note for people that are listening. ’cause like I’ve heard even weddings about like. It down pouring, but it still just ends up being this beautiful day and they just like dance in the rain or they like have beautiful photos and everyone’s just like sopping wet and they’re just like, but it was amazing. Like if you’ve got good vibes and you’ve got that good energy, it’s gonna be amazing no matter what.

Jen Glantz: I agree. I agree.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well that was a crazy story. I’m like picturing it as like a movie. All these like little like things that happen like. Insane. Wild.

Jen Glantz: I give her a lot of credit. I think she made the best of it and I think it’s a true testament to other people. Like, go with the flow, it’s gonna be okay. And yeah, there’s things that are gonna happen that you just can’t plan for.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Okay. I like to end these with, um, weekly confessions. So people send me confessions on Instagram, so I’ve got a couple here that we’ll just react to, um, at the very end here. Okay. Um, wedding planning landed. My mom and I in therapy six years to this day, don’t, and we don’t talk about it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: that’s rough. Like we were just talking about, weddings can bring out the worst in people, but can also just bring out all these like unresolved emotions. ’cause I feel like it’s all this one day different personalities coming together, finances, starting new lives. It’s, it’s a lot.

Jen Glantz: It’s not the wedding. This was gonna happen either way. Just the wedding. Propelled it forward, unfortunately, yes.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, my middle sister and I missed our eldest sister’s wedding ceremony because of a traffic jam. Ooh, that is some traffic jam.

Jen Glantz: I know. I’ve seen that happen. I’ve seen it happen. And then the couples like, well, do we push the ceremony back and wait for people? But like, there’s a timeline. Uh, it happens like we did not go to my, my husband’s brother’s wedding. There we’re all very close with him. We did not go because my 2-year-old had 105 fever. Yeah. And we couldn’t go, like we just physically, my, my husband ended up going, but we couldn’t go. And it was like so hard to explain people without kids. It was so hard to like explain the situation. But in my head I’m like, I know this is the biggest day of their life, but like there will be other days, I’m like, this is like a circumstance we can’t control. And I think you have to kind of let that go and people miss it or they can’t go. ’cause of like these crazy circumstances, forgive, because they try Like you try your hardest.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you gotta try. Yeah. And you can’t, you can’t hold on to like a, like a grudge. Hopefully. I mean, she doesn’t say too much other than that, but it’s like hopefully the sister doesn’t hold on Grudge and. If it was just a ceremony, maybe there’s a reception after and they all, you know, dance the night away.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, our flora, this last one says our florist was shut down by the IRS the week of our wedding. No notice and no help.

Jen Glantz: Hmm. That’s tough because like you already spent the money. It’s hard to find. Some in the week of flowers are like a decent part of the wedding. That is. That is like really tough. That happens though. Like your vendors are businesses, they’re people like things. Things happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: But there will be someone who can come pick up the pieces. Like you can always try to find a solution, even if it’s on a wedding vendor, like try to look outside the box or event people or just like people who are like learning, like amateur people who can kind of step into the role and make it better for you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It sucks when there’s like something like that that happens. I had people that happened to a friend of ours with a vendor, like they went bankrupt and like closed like a month before their wedding was supposed to happen, and it was like. Scramble. Like, let’s see what we can do.

Jen Glantz:  It’s awful. My heart goes out because that’s like the last thing you wanna deal with the week before your wedding. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Totally. All right, well thank you so much for coming on. Before we sign off, do you have any like crazy, like what’s a hot take you have about weddings? I know you have, you have something that you’ve shared before.

Not to put you on the spot, if you have one. Um, what’s like a hot take that you.

Jen Glantz: You don’t need bridesmaids. I think in five to 10 years, bridesmaids will be extinct. Have your friends be there for you in the ways that they can and the ways that you want. But they don’t need the official title. They don’t need to walk down the aisle.

They don’t need the bridesmaid dresses. They don’t need any of that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: All right. I love that.

Christa Innis: Well, where can everyone thank you so much for coming on. Of course. Like it was so much fun hanging out with you and meeting you officially. I feel like we like already know each other. It’s so weird how sometimes like internet.

No. ’cause you like see people and you like watch their content, but where can people follow you of course and keep up and what’s like the next kind of thing you’re working on?

Jen Glantz: People can find me @bridesmaidforhire.com. I’m on TikTok at Instagram at Bridesmaid for Hire. I have a newsletter called 1-800-BRIDESMAID and my book is called Finally the Bride.

You can find it on Amazon. It’s a lot of crazy stories you haven’t heard before, and thank you for the support and thank you for having me on the show.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Yeah, definitely. I wanna check out your book as well because I. I feel like you have so many crazy stories and I feel like I would, I’ve seen so many of your, I think I’m on your, your email list too, where I’ve seen like some of the stories that people send in and, um, your advice for bridesmaids. So any brides should definitely go check it out. Well, thank you so much.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. Yay.

by Christa Innis

The Best of the Best: Brides, Betrayals, and Shocking Moments

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Ever wondered what happens when your maid of honor ghosts you before the wedding? Or when your vendors vanish right after the ceremony?

In this solo episode, we relive the wildest guest submissions from Here Comes the Drama, and trust—these stories are chaotic, cringey, and completely unforgettable:

From unexpected RSVP dropouts to emotional fallouts with best friends, I walk through the most jaw-dropping stories that left couples speechless, and sometimes, in tears. Whether you’re planning your own wedding or just love the mess, these listener tales offer both caution and catharsis.

And yes, we’re naming names (well, not really)—but we are talking about the friend who asked for a dress budget… then didn’t show up. Buckle up for the confessions that didn’t make the seating chart.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:28 Wedding Chaos: Would You Rather

07:00 Personal Wedding Stories

10:54 Top Five Moments

27:39 Navigating Awkward Family Dynamics

28:17 Fiancé’s Support and Confrontation

30:26 Mother-in-Law’s Silent Treatment

32:33 Fourth of July Weekend Drama

34:26 Wedding Day Tensions

36:32 Reception Chaos and Aftermath

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Maid of Honor Vanishes – One listener shares how her MOH disappeared before the wedding—and never explained why.
  • No-Show Vendors – A couple pays in full for vendors who left immediately after the ceremony with no warning.
  • Ghosted by a Guest – A friend confirms attendance, asks about the dress code… and never shows up.
  • Mother-in-Law Cold Shoulder – One bride describes how her MIL ignored her while she walked in wearing white.
  • Unexpected Plus-One – A groomsman brings a date who tries to break into the groom’s suite.
  • RSVP Regret – Brides reflect on the pain of rearranging for people who backed out last minute.
  • Dress Paid, Friendship Lost – A bride pays for her friend’s dress, who then stops speaking to her.
  • Bridesmaid Burnout – Emotional stories from women who sacrificed time, money, and mental health for other people’s weddings.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Weddings have a sneaky way of showing you who’s really in your corner.” – Christa Innis
  • “The drama doesn’t always happen at the altar—it’s in the group chats, RSVPs, and dress codes.” – Christa Innis
  • “Sometimes the most thoughtful thing you can do is say no to being a bridesmaid.” – Christa Innis
  • “Family dynamics don’t magically fix themselves because you’re getting married.” – Christa Innis
  • “Being asked to be part of someone’s big day is an honor—but it shouldn’t cost you your boundaries.” – Christa Innis
  • “I was standing in the kitchen while everyone else had a seat at the table.” – Guest
  • “The bride didn’t even acknowledge me—just grabbed the mic and started yelling.” – Guest
  • “I skipped the wedding and lost a friend, but I couldn’t afford to go into debt over it.” – Guest
  • “They cut people from my side just to fit more of theirs.” – Guest
  • “I cried over missing her bachelorette—but that hurricane showed me I wasn’t supposed to be there anyway.” – Guest

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and this is a solo episode today. If you guys are new here or new to listening, I do one of these every month other than the Patreon episodes, which is completely separate. but I thought we’d do something a little different this month and because we are,

 seven months in of doing the podcast and it’s just been so much fun to create. I thought today we would do something a little different and highlight the top five moments from all the episodes so far. And I’ve seen podcast use before where they share like a little snippet, but I want you guys to feel a little like it’s still a unique episode.

Okay? So at the very end, of course, as always, it’s gonna be a brand new story. But before we get to that, I’m gonna do top five moments with different guests on the show and play the clip from that episode and introduce it as to. Why it was just such a crazy moment. these are moments that had our jaws dropping.

 I honestly had to do some double takes because I wasn’t sure that they actually happened, but they’re insane. we get some crazy stories sent to us and this is just a thank you episode to everyone that submits stories to who listens and shares with their friends because it just means so much to me that I’m able to hang out with you guys and, do what I love here.

Would You Rather Wedding Fails + My Wildest Bridesmaid Moments

So. Thank you guys. Starting off, I know it was a little bit of a ramble, but hey, if you’re used to hearing me talk, I ramble. Sometimes it’s just the way it goes. Starting off, let’s do. Some would you rather. Wedding Chaos edition. I’m talking bridesmaids, brides, all that kind of stuff. so here we go.

Would you rather, and I’m gonna answer just, I dunno, I haven’t read these. We’re gonna see what happens. Would you rather your bridesmaid shows up in a white dress or your maid of honor roasts you in her speech? I’ve talked about this before. I could not have cared less if someone in my wedding or someone at my wedding wore white.

 I think white dress would be fine. I mean, if it’s not a wedding dress, I don’t really care. People know who the bride is. Okay. Trip down the aisle in front of everyone or drop the wedding cake right before cutting it. I think I’d rather drop the wedding cake tripping down the aisle. I would be mortified.

A cake. You know, you kind of laugh it off. We got other desserts. It’s fine. Would you rather have a makeup fail in every photo or forget to change out of slippers and walk down the aisle? Forget to change outta slippers, obviously, because that sounds really comfortable. I myself didn’t even wear, no, I wore heels for the ceremony only, and then I put on sneakers.

So that’s how I feel about shoes. I really don’t care. would you rather sit next to your ex at the reception? So I’m guessing it’s not my own wedding. Hopefully that’d be kind of weird. Or let your mother-in-law plan the seating chart. my personal, I would love my mother-in-law to plan the seating chart.

She’s super organized. She’s great at that stuff. so yeah, I would definitely rather my mother-in-law be involved with the wedding and help with that. ‘ cause she was very involved in my wedding. She’s super crafty, super organized. So yeah, I got lucky with that one. Okay. Would you rather go over your budget by $5,000 or have your outdoor ceremony completely rained out?

This is easy for me because it was kind of rained out. at our venue, we had an option to get married inside, which we loved. And there was an outdoor courtyard, so if it happened to be warmer or nice, we could get married outside. But we woke up and it was pretty chilly and I think it ended up raining during the ceremony.

we weren’t really counting on it though, because we got married at the end of March and where I live, it’s, you never know what you’re gonna get. You could be in seventies or you could probably, you could be in like thirties. I always joke about our wedding day. It was like every kind of season. We woke up, it was sunny, it was like maybe forties, then we had some rain, we had some clouds, and we even had some snow.

So we got all of the seasons. okay. Would you rather find out your bridesmaid is proposing to her boyfriend at your wedding or learn someone secretly brought their own cake? Probably bring their own cake. I mean, why not? Who cares if you bring your own cake? I mean, people have dietary restrictions.

Maybe they wanted something that they could enjoy gluten-free or dairy-free. Would you rather lose your dress in transit or your wedding accidentally scheduled on the same day as a major family event? Ooh. See the planner in me is like, well, how would that happen? Because it wouldn’t be that major if like other people are RSS v ping to the wedding that are in my family.

So I would just say the second one, how I mean. I don’t wanna lose my dress in transit, so we’re gonna go with that. It’s funny. So I am in my closet. If you guys don’t know this, I recorded my closet. If you’re watching the video, literally a bridesmaid. I should do a bridesmaid. You guys, I know I can’t, you can’t comment, but I have a bridesmaid robe in here from when I was a bridesmaid.

I should show you guys maybe in a video on social media or something. All the stuff I have from being in weddings. So I talk about it all the time, but I don’t talk about like personal stories a lot. But I have probably three or four, robes in my closet, guys. A DHD oh my gosh. I like, I forgot I was doing hot takes, whatever.

Okay. I have four, five bridesmaid robes. I’ve got two bridal jean jackets. Those were, that’s a story. That’s for my wedding though. I’ve got a bunch of like. Stuff from my bachelorette party when I was engaged and guys, I probably have six bridesmaid dresses. The weddings I were in in the beginning of my bridesmaid career are long gone.

 sorry if you guys are listening. they were dresses I would knew I would never wear again. I think that’s probably the first three or four bridesmaid dresses are like, were donated. So. Sorry guys, but I have a bunch of other ones in my closet right now that I’ve been telling myself I’ll wear again, dunno if I will or not.

We’ll see. okay. Sorry guys. Back to where I was. Let me know if you guys think I should do some kind of video on all that stuff. I don’t know. Okay. Would you rather have your officiant call you the wrong name? I read a story about that once or your wedding video go viral for all the wrong reasons. Ooh, those are both like E, those Sting.

I would say officiant. Call you the wrong name. ‘ cause with my name with Krista, I’ve been called the wrong name my whole life. I’ve gotten Crystal. Christina, Chrissy, Christie. I kinda just brush it off. So I think I’d rather do that. I don’t want my wedding video to go viral for the wrong reasons.

‘ cause I’ve seen that. I’ve seen that. And it’s not fun. It’s not fun. Okay. last one. Oh gosh. Would you rather catch your best man doing a drunken strip tease or get a text the morning of the wedding that your DJ quit? DJ quit. I highly recommend DJs obviously, but worst case scenario, if a DJ called, quit or whatever.

Tons. All my friends have great playlists on their phone ready to go. We got Spotify. I know it doesn’t replace the announcement the DJ can do. we loved our dj. He did a great job, but worst case, I do not want my best fan doing a dance on the floor like that. Okay. Let’s get into it. I think another episode, I wanna talk a little bit more about the weddings I’ve been in.

 I’ve shared little stories here and there, but it’s funny, I was thinking about reflecting on different weddings I’ve been in and I was like, I don’t really have that many of crazy stories. I do, what I can kind of share right now. The first wedding I was ever in, was my sister’s wedding, and I was the maid of honor.

I was. 19 or 20 years old. So that looked way different from the last wedding I was in. The last wedding I was in, I was 30, how old am I now? 30. I’ll be 35 when this episode comes out, sharing a little detail about myself. Gosh, I’ve been weddings over last, well, the last wedding I was in, I was pregnant, so I was probably like

  1. when, the last wedding I was in, I was six months pregnant. Completely different scenarios. Right? That was for, a friend of mine, my husband’s cousin actually, and I was a matron of honor in that wedding. Maid of honor. Maid of honor. So, what I can say is with the first Wedding I was ever in.

I didn’t really know what to expect, right? So I’m underage, I can’t like plan a crazy bachelorette, that kind of thing. the bridal shower was at my parents’ house, so we kept it really small. This was kind of before Pinterest and all that stuff. So it was very simple. It was fun because it was family. my sister had a pretty, I would say, small wedding party, right?

My speech, I like took time. I wrote it all out. I made sure it sounded, you know, very like heartfelt. I was also in college, so there was a lot going on, right. I go to get my speech, I wanna say I was second. Yes. So the best man goes before me, had nothing planned. He stood up and just went on a whim and just.

Started talking. I didn’t have a clock in front of me or a phone in front of me. I don’t know how long he talked, but I wanna say he talked for like 10 minutes and no one cut him off. And it was someone that I think in his mind was like, oh, I know all these things. I’m gonna say I got three points.

I’m gonna go with it. And then it just kept going. So meanwhile, I’m sitting there and I’m getting more and more nervous because you know when you’re ready to talk and then they just keep pushing it back. You’re just like, okay, okay, I’m ready. I’m ready. So eventually I stood up to talk and I had a printed piece of paper, and I remember shaking the whole time.

I felt like I was giving like a school speech. I looked out here and there to the audience, but most of the time I was just like staring down. yeah. So then the last one, like I said, I was six months pregnant and. gosh,, it was a really fun wedding, but I wish I would’ve asked for more help because here I am, like on the floor trying to move her dress and like train behind her with my big belly, and I’m on the shorter side.

So when I was pregnant, it was like I had a big belly. Guys, I’m not afraid to say it. It was just really hard to move. So I’m like trying to get down these, in these heels. and it was not easy. Doing all that, but it was fun. it was fun to be in a wedding pregnant, however,

It was interesting going dress shopping. You had to find, I guess, a certain one. Then you try to get it fitted around it. Right. But as my mom says, it’s way better now than when she was pregnant as a bridesmaid. They just didn’t have the flattering styles to fit your pregnant belly, I guess she would say. But there’s like 10 weddings in, no, like eight weddings in between all that. So maybe one episode I’ll kind of share some highlights about each one. They’re all just different. Every bride is so different to what they need, their audience, their family.

The type of wedding I’ve done very DIY weddings. I’ve done something from like. Campsite. Like we literally were at a campsite, not a bridesmaid. I was just there helping, where we picked wild flowers and it was very chill and laid back and we could wear just like sundresses all the way to like a super expensive, fancy wedding in the city. 

 where we took a bus around the downtown getting photos and that just felt so elegant. and. They all end up beautiful. So I know I’m going on like a little tangent now, but just kinda reflecting back, okay, let’s get into it. Top five moments. I didn’t have anyone vote on these. It just kind of based on like downloads and then me looking at the stories again and being like, oh my gosh. 

Top 5 Wedding Chaos Moments

Yeah, that was a insane story. So these are like top five. I wanted to hear from you guys though. Which one yours were like the. Craziest. Okay, so coming in at number five is when Cassie Harrell Wedding Pro cast came on for the social media screaming match here. It’s

When we announced that we were engaged on Facebook, oh gosh, everyone seemed very happy about it.

Then I started to see angry faces and a lot of negative comments. My mother-in-law commented saying, how effing, the actual word, effing dare you announce this without asking my permission first? not on a public facebook post

Cassie Horrell: This is terrible.

Christa Innis: So bad. then it only got worse from there. She proceeded to call me names and tell me that I wasn’t good enough to marry her son.

Oh my gosh. all while she was commenting, my sister-in-law was calling and yelling at him about how they should have had a family meeting about allowing a woman with kids into the family.

Cassie Horrell: What?

Christa Innis: I felt sick and unwanted. That is terrible. Family meeting.

Oh, my gosh.

Eventually we get to planning the wedding and his mom had made it very clear that she did not want any part of helping plan the wedding. We tried to include her many times, but she would just keep saying rude things about how my wedding didn’t need to be the center of every conversation. So my husband is from a really small town and we went there for the Fourth of July.

This was the first time I would be meeting his dad and step mom, his brother and sister. Yes, the same sister that was calling and yelling at him. It was a good time, and they were very interested in all the things that we had planned for the wedding. Okay, so it seems like some family member was like,

Cassie Horrell: this is turning around.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: Maybe.

Christa Innis: Maybe. His dad told us that we had an allotted amount of money to use, and that if he needed anything beyond that, his mom would have to help us. his mom would have to help us. the dad’s ex wife. so it was the day we went dress shopping and because we had so many bridesmaids, the place was a full house.

Everyone was having the best time. Then we felt a shift in the energy and my mother in law walked in just the gray clouds.

Cassie Horrell: Here we go.

Christa Innis: She was extremely upset that no one Picked her up to bring her to the bridal shop. She sat down and shouted, Let’s get this thing over with. I don’t want to be here all effing day.

Cassie Horrell: She seems nasty.

Christa Innis: Yeah, why even invite her? Like, I would be like, No, you’re not coming. Cause I wouldn’t even want someone’s opinions like that. My mom looked over at her and asked her to leave then if she didn’t want to be there. Yeah. Then she said, She’s been married before, so I don’t know why she even needs to buy a dress.

Cassie Horrell: That is terrible.

Christa Innis: I hate that. She could have gotten one at Goodwill.

Cassie Horrell: No.

Christa Innis: Okay, that is terrible.

Cassie Horrell: This lady’s a witch.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I ignored the comments and started trying on dresses. There wasn’t a dress I tried on that she didn’t have a rude comment about. I would be telling her to leave at that point. That is, yeah, that’s so like unenjoyable.

I finally found the one and loved it and it made me happy. Later that evening at dinner, she tells my husband. I found the dress that hides my arm flab the best.

Cassie Horrell: No, this is bad. I don’t know who this woman is, but this is bad.

Christa Innis: This is bad. This is like one of the worst stories I’ve read. Oh my gosh. The night of my rehearsal, my mother in law sat there complaining the whole time how she had to sit at the same table as my father in law.

She kept saying he better not talk to me. Then finally my brother in law shows up late and my mother in law demanded that I allow my brother in law’s wife in the wedding as a bridesmaid.

Cassie Horrell: Excuse me?

Christa Innis: At the rehearsal dinner? Okay. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid and then they broke up and I guess they got back together the week of the wedding.

Surprise. Okay. They called me many times that week and never said anything about it so I was a little taken aback by this. My mother in law told me that she was told to bring the dress and that she would make me let her be in the wedding again.

Cassie Horrell: This is the mother in law said that again

Christa Innis: my mother in law told me that she told her to bring the dress with her and that she would make me let her be in the wedding again.

Cassie Horrell: Okay. So force this girl into the wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah. and make my other bridesmaids sit out. Wait, so that’s even worse.

Like, we’re just going to swap you right in there.

Cassie Horrell: This is terrible.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I told her I wouldn’t allow my other bridesmaid who paid money for the dress to sit out and they would both have to walk down the aisle together. That didn’t make her happy and she told me to just tell my bridesmaid that we would reimburse her for the dress and she could sit down and enjoy herself.

Cassie Horrell: I again told her absolutely not. She got upset and called me a spoiled witch. I’m a little taken back by this woman.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s hard because it’s like I’m not in that position, so it’s always different when you’re in it, but I’m just like, I could not stand to be around someone like that that’s constantly mean like that and just trying to control everything.

Cassie Horrell: Also, I’m a little confused. why isn’t the partner standing up to his mom or like being a little bit more supportive here? Because it wasn’t one instance. This is like 20 instances.

Christa Innis: Yes. Like he needs to be like. guarded security at this point, blocking her, because yeah, that’s too much.

 we finally get the rehearsal done and everyone left to go to my brother’s house where we were gonna have pizza. My sister in law made rude comments about how we could only afford pizza and not a real meal.

Cassie Horrell: Oh

Christa Innis: no. Let me tell you, we had pizza at our rehearsal dinner and it was still expensive.

Everyone loves pizza. There’s no problem with pizza. Exactly. No one complained. At least not to our face. My parents shelled out over a thousand dollars for this meal. It’s what we chose as it feeds the most. And it was easy as my husband was having his bachelor party the night before the wedding.

Cassie Horrell: Yikes. Sewing

Christa Innis: scrims, man. Yeah. No, I don’t know if people still did that. Yeah, no, no,

Cassie Horrell: no.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. yeah, so he had his bachelor party. It was a terrible idea, by the way. But that’s a story for another day. So we all had pizza and us girls all left. We told my mother in law three times before we left what time our hair and makeup appointment was the next morning.

And we were almost done when she and my brother in law’s wife showed up to get ready. She said, how dare I get ready before the mother of The groom. What? I cannot believe the audacity here.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah, she’s out of line. Yeah.

Christa Innis: When everyone was ready to go to the ballroom and get ready for pictures, she was mad that we were leaving her.

Well, you should have been there on time.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah.

Christa Innis: We were on a strict time frame. We told her that my sister in law needed to be there by a certain time for pictures. She never got there in time for pictures and it snowballed from there. My mother in law ruined our first look, not surprised, by accidentally getting mud all over the bottom of my dress.

Oh. Accidentally. Yeah, how did that happen? She wouldn’t smile in any pictures. Oh my gosh. so later that night I heard someone say that my mother in law was telling everyone that my wedding was unclassy and tacky. And that clearly we didn’t have any money to buy real things. Why do people feel the need to make comments like that?

Right,

Cassie Horrell: keep it to yourself.

Christa Innis: Yeah, like, come on. Oh, and yes, then the arm flab comet came up again that night. I’d slap her. I’d slap her. Oh my gosh, that is terrible. Like, never comment on someone’s body, but especially not a bride on her wedding day. Exactly. that is not okay. And that night she walked by and pinched my arm and said, You should really work on that.

It’s gross.

Cassie Horrell: No. This could be like a whole series. This is like the series of Unfortunate Mother in Law. I don’t know what this is.

Christa Innis: all right. That was wild. All right. Coming in at number four is Rebecca Rogers and the Surprise Wedding Guest.

On the morning of my wedding, the bridal party was getting ready in the bridal suite the groom was getting ready in the groom suite. One of the groomsmen didn’t follow instructions and showed up two hours late with a different girl than who we RSVPed for. Okay. This, this girl had a very strong Russian accent.

went into the groom suite and started talking to the groom and asking questions. For example, is this a yee-haw wedding and will you be doing square dancing? Okay. Interesting. I mean, I guess like switching, I get it. Like, girl, it doesn’t really matter, but it’s interesting. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead.

 the boys kicked her out and told her to wait somewhere else, and she came then to the bridal suite. She came in and started acting faint and sat at a table demanding attention from all the bridesmaids. They were taking care of her because they were worried and had a hard time understanding her because of her accent.

When they turned away to finish getting ready for the day, she ate my lunch, the bride’s lunch, the audacity. There was no more food left until after the ceremony, so I went to my wedding hungry see I’m a big, like weddings that I’ve been in and like helped coordinate. I am big into like no one other than the wedding party be in the room.

Like, yeah, why was she in there? Yeah. I feel like it’s probably the groomsmen that wasn’t paying attention. Being like, oh, just go in there. You’re fine. You’re one of the girls. ‘ cause I’ve seen that. Yes. That’s what I can see that,

Rebecca Rogers: yeah. okay. I could give her the benefit of the doubt in the groomsman suite.

I could give her the benefit of the doubt and I’m like, ah. She’s just, you know, I think there are such stereotypical views of Americans in different parts of Europe. Mm-hmm. I can see her like genuinely getting excited. Is this a yha yha wedding? Because like everywhere is Texas.

Yes. People in Europe don’t understand that, they think cowboys, they think McDonald’s. they have very specific ideas of what they think America is. Yeah. And. Sometimes when they’re like, oh my God, am I going to be able to experience this American thing that I only see on tv?

Like, they can get excited it can come off as rude because I feel like, especially in, Eastern Europe, sometimes people are much more blunt than we’re used to here in the us. which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just different. But then the going into like weddings, wherever you go, the bride is the star.

 why are you demanding attention as a guest? That should be common sense. Yes. Why are you going and bothering people you’ve never met before? Like if, right. I can even maybe see like a, Hey, we don’t want you to mess up with the setup. Stay in the groom suite. Why are you sending her? I can see why a man, I love men.

Some men are dumb. Not all men. Always a man. Not all men, always a man. Yeah. Why is some man being like, yeah.

This is not babysit your girlfriend time, Tinder, chick of the week. Like Right. You could have been just, she could have even been established as a new serious girlfriend. It’s not everyone else’s job to babysit her. That’s weird. That’s strange.

Christa Innis: Why, did you have to bring someone? Like if she had

nowhere else to go, why did you bring her?

 yeah. Especially being a groomsman. I feel like you’ve got your guys there, you got other stuff to do. All right, let’s, right, let’s see what happens next? So she goes to the wedding hungry at that point. Oh, wait, that’s not all. Oh my God. Okay. Sorry. I’m sorry. Oh my gosh. You there was the whole story, girl.

We’ve got lots.

Rebecca Rogers: Okay. Okay. Okay. Continue. Continue. So Molly, okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: At that point, she got kicked out and was told to wait in the ceremony space wedding, and sues with no other problems until the reception. During the reception, the girl tries to enter the bridal suite and the groom suite where the wedding planner catches her and tells her that it’s locked until after the wedding.

No one is allowed in except for the bridal party. Okay, good. I’m glad the wedding party planner is there now. Right? The girl on top of this Exactly. The girl retrieved her groomsmen and they tried picking the lock to the groom suite. What, For what? Why does she need to get in there? Yeah. A friend of the groom went and found the planner to let them know the girl was trying to break in the groom suite because the groomsmen was with her this time.

They unlocked it for them and was told they were changing. So the planner left to take care of the couple. Wait. They told them they had to get in there and go change. I’m so confused. They

told

Rebecca Rogers: the planner, Hey,  I’m a groomsman. I need to get into the groomsmen suite.

I have to change my clothes so that Okay. And they unlocked it and left.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So, oh my gosh. That’s stressful. I’m sweating. It says they did the deed, That’s where I thought this was going and left the place in absolute

Disarray. A huge mess. They then left the wedding early, and we didn’t find out about the mess until after our families went in to clean up the suites and pack everything up. We felt very disrespected by this, so I personally texted the groomsman the next day to ask him why he brought a stranger. First of all, without talking to us about it, that he RSVP’d for was his girlfriend of a year that we knew.

So there we go too. why? He left her to wreck havoc upon the bride and then disrespected the place by basically destroying it. oh, so he brushed off the communication and mentioned that he barely knew her, but that she was a family friend. No apology whatsoever. I was then talking to my bridesmaid about everything that happened with her, and we found out the groomsman parents paid her to be his escort and get him to break up with his girlfriend.

That is not where I thought this was going. Wait, what? His parents paid her to be his escort,

Rebecca Rogers: First of all, if you are a man who is easily swayed to break up with your girlfriend of a year, ‘ cause of a fancy accent and some excitement, throw the whole man away. Throw the whole man away. In my opinion, full stop. Obviously we don’t know like what kind of issues were going on in his relationship. Right, right. We have no idea. Yeah. She could have been a toxic girlfriend. We don’t know. Right. The whole thing just screams gross to me. Why?

 

Rebecca Rogers: shocked that I’m like, I can’t even find my words.

Christa Innis: I,

Rebecca Rogers: the last sentence, I

Christa Innis: just, the last sentence says, they also paid for her expensive designer clothes for the wedding, then paid them to have an expensive hotel that night. All right, coming in. Number three is Suzanne Lambert and the Lake House Pantry Showdown.

so she called me in the kitchen and she said, aren’t you just so happy I’m going to be your mother in law and not insert difficult family member here. So she’s blocking the name out. I looked her in the eyes and said, I don’t know if this is the person’s real name, so

Barb, I’m okay right now. But if you keep pestering me about things, I’m going to the venue. I’m not going to be okay. I added, this is my boundary. She didn’t seem to the time. But, oh, did she later.

Suzanne Lambert: Okay, Therapy. I love that. Yeah, we love boundaries.

I would love if the fiancé was setting some. and I’m annoyed on her behalf that she’s having to do it all herself. But I’m very proud of her for saying that. That’s not easy to say. Bye bye. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Especially when you’re being cornered because it sounds like she’s alone with this mother. why is no one around?

And that’s what they

Suzanne Lambert: do. I feel like people like this, they want to get you alone at your most vulnerable where you don’t have a chance to really think things through. So that’s impressive thinking on your feet.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I would be like shaking in my boots. I’d be like, is this actually happening right now?

I’m that person that in a scenario, I’m like, Why is this happening? And a minute later, I’m like, why didn’t I say that? I should have said that. Or as I’m saying it, I’m like, you know what? And boundaries that I’m like, shaking. And I’m like, that’s okay. I’m like,

Suzanne Lambert: Ooh, maybe we shouldn’t have gone that hard.

Maybe we take a deep breath. My yoga instructors, like generator response, you feel powerful choosing. And I’m like, generator response, you feel powerful choosing when I’m like wanting to spout off. So we all have our struggles. Yeah. I probably would have been like, Yeah, I don’t know, crazy family members sounding pretty good right about now, and like, it would have started a whole thing, so.

Christa Innis: Yeah, My fiancé and I discussed how upset we were with the day, okay, so now, now he’s around, and how comfortable she had made things.

 he was very supportive and felt the same way two days later, he called her to address it, telling her that her behavior was unfair and made everyone uncomfortable. She exploded saying, is this why I’m going to change her name again? Is this why Kelly doesn’t like me?

And hung up. She then gave us a science by right. Like the, yeah, the girl that wrote the story. Yeah. Okay. huh? what gave it away? Like, are you

Suzanne Lambert: acting? so there’s it’s so funny because like mother in law’s like this. a level of awareness. Like, they get there, right? They get, oh, Kelly doesn’t like me, but they don’t see any of the lead up to anything they could have done.

They look at it as a spontaneous event.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Suzanne Lambert: and all of a sudden she didn’t like me. And it’s like, are you forgetting the a hundred things you did before she reacted the one time

Christa Innis: or the time that they finally like snap back. they’re so mean. I don’t do anything wrong.

And it’s like, that was like the story I read yesterday. I’m like, Oh my god, this victim mentality of like, why would she say that to me? I’m just your mom. I just care so much. It’s like, no, that was not the full story. No,

Suzanne Lambert: because if you cared, you, would be like, oh my god, I hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry about that.

that’s a normal way to do. Can you imagine like if someone called you and was like, Hey, at our engagement party, you made us feel bad and sad and whatever, like you would be horrified because you’re a normal person. Imagine like. that’s why they don’t like me?

Christa Innis: Oh my god. what?

Suzanne Lambert: I don’t understand.

And, like, if she had been like, oh, that’s why she doesn’t like me, that would be like such a different thing. Like, oh, okay. I didn’t realize how annoying I was being noted. You know? Won’t do it again. sometimes you need a little kick in the ass to be oh, I’m like acting a weird way. Yeah. But that’s wild.

And then to hang up, I don’t believe in hanging up the phone, especially on your own son. Right.

Christa Innis: this is a long one. I love this. Sorry, Nellie, but I’m living for this. This is crazy. Okay. She then gave us a silent treatment for three weeks. I bet it was a really nice three weeks.

Suzanne Lambert: That sounds lovely. That sounds like a vacation. Yeah. Silent treatment. That sounds ideal. She should do that more often and with others in her life. I would imagine. That is beautiful.

Christa Innis: Best case scenario. I feel like in these scenarios, just keep it going, please. She even ignored my fiance’s birthday, which is weeks after the incident.

Normally they every other day. So this was very shocking until then we had no issues. And I thought our relationship was fine. Her behavior was hurtful, especially to my fiance. Thankfully his who witnessed everything supported us agreeing that his mom’s actions were out of line.

Suzanne Lambert: We had a wonder if the aunt is on the dad’s side or the mom’s side, cause that also kind of changes things a little bit.

It’s her sister. Hopefully the aunt is going to her being like, You’re being nuts. If it’s the dad’s sister, she’s like, Oh, I’ve seen this from this from the beginning. One of us wanted him to end up with her. Like, we all wanted him to end up with the other girl, you that dynamic is interesting, too.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. Like earlier at the party, I think she said the mom’s sister or the on the mom side. That’s

Suzanne Lambert: worse, honestly. your own sister being like, yeah, but again, hope the aunt is going to the mom. Like, if I saw my sister acting that way, or if they saw me acting that way, they would be the first to be like, hey, cut it out.

Christa Innis: Exactly.

Okay. We had a 4th of July weekend planned at his family’s lake house, and she was supposed to join us.

She didn’t show up until the weekend was nearly over. When she arrived, there was no warm embrace, no belated birthday wishes for her son, just coldness. It’s like, why even come? It was incredible. Yeah. Awkward.

Suzanne Lambert: Cause she wants to have her Real Housewives moment. She thinks she’s on Real Housewives of Orange County, with a dramatic show up.

Girl, no one was worried. Yeah. No one was worried. They were like praying you didn’t come. the silent treatment, the weekend without you, where we’re just like, chillin eating hot dogs, waving flags, like, it was all going really, the vibes were high, like, yes.

Christa Innis: yeah, she wanted to come in with the sad music, everyone’s like, oh no, what’s, wrong with Barb over there?

A fur coat.

Suzanne Lambert: Yeah, like, mope dramatically around the house. Puffin and puffin Like, what we would do when we were like, sleeping. Seven and like our parents made chicken for dinner and we didn’t want chicken that’s what she’s she wanted spaghetti She didn’t want chicken. So now she’s making it everyone’s problem.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my god. So true my fiance I decided we needed to address this. He pulled her aside in the pantry while I stayed around the corner I love, like, the sour cream and onion chips

Suzanne Lambert: listening in,

Christa Innis: you know? That seemed like the best

Suzanne Lambert: spot.

Christa Innis: Funny

Suzanne Lambert: setting conversation. I love that she added that in.

Christa Innis: Yeah, the pantry,

Suzanne Lambert: it really sets the scene. It’s like, this is dire. This is a dire situation.

Christa Innis: That was the quickest spot. He started by saying we wanted to resolve things, but she exploded again. She accused us of keeping the wedding a secret because we wouldn’t share the venue address. A narrative she created.

She claimed I had promised to send it to her and didn’t, saying she didn’t do shit. At that point, I stepped in the conversation and said, Well, it’s my turn to enter now! Okay. And just a little note, guys, that was the one we did the follow-up episode where the original person that sent in that story came on and shared her site even more. So if you’re looking for some more detail on that, check out that episode. And number two was with Saron oba, the Las Vegas letdown.

On wedding day, I went to brunch with girls from both sides of the family. My mother in law ignored me completely. Even when I greeted her, I brushed it off and enjoyed the day. This mother in law hates her. I would be like, you can’t come. This is terrible. Like, why would you want to feel like a stranger or unwanted at your own wedding?

Saron Olkaba: She just has the worst energy. She’s she’s gonna try and ruin your day. I would hire security, give them a picture and That would be it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because it’s not her right to be at this wedding.

 

Christa Innis: I’d be like you’re done. Sorry.

I don’t want you there. She’s a guest. She’s a guest. Yeah, you are nothing more than a guest who could easily be scratched right off. at this ceremony, my sisters told me that my fiancé’s family had taken up the front rows on both sides of the pews. My mother in law refused to move, saying her parents can find another place to sit.

No, so now she’s rude to, her family.

Saron Olkaba: this would not be, go well

Christa Innis: for me, or, or, like, cause now you’re gonna be, like you said, you’re gonna be dealing with this mother in law for the rest of your life. if it’s bad now, imagine if they have kids, or if they buy a house, you know, any step in there,

Saron Olkaba: I don’t understand why anyone would sign up to deal with that forever.

Like, You’re asking to be miserable for the rest of your, what man is worth that? What man is worth having to deal with the devil day, no.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I really hope this ends with they cut her off. Like, they’re done with her, I hope. Fingers crossed. cause that’s the only way this is gonna work, I feel like.

okay. So she said she had to move. I had to ask the officiant to step in and remind everyone which side was for the bride’s family and which for the groom’s. This made my mother in law furious. After the ceremony, during photos, the photographer suggested moving one of my fiancé’s siblings to my side to even things out.

My sister in law loudly said, Hell no, I’m not going over there. I ignored it. At the bowling alley reception, my mother in law Who are these animals? Who

Saron Olkaba: are these beasts?

Christa Innis: I don’t know, why do they think they’re so much better than, her and her family? Oh, God. Jesus. I’m speechless. This is probably one of the worst mother in law stories I’ve read.

And I’ve read a lot. At the bowling alley reception, my mother in law refused to sign the guest book, despite me and my husband asking multiple times. When she finally did, she just wrote congratulations with no warmth, and she left without saying goodbye.

Saron Olkaba: Like why? That’s the nicest thing she’s done thus far.

That’s the most pleasant been in this whole story.

Christa Innis: Yeah. The next day, my mom invited us to lunch before she left town. My mother in law didn’t contact us, but took my husband’s brothers to go karting and sightseeing instead. When my husband asked why we weren’t invited, she said, you were busy.

We weren’t. Two days later, I made a Facebook post about the wedding and saw that my mother in law had untagged me from her earlier post. When my husband asked why, she said, it was a post only for you.

Saron Olkaba: Ew. Do you wanna fuck your son? Like, what is going on here? Why? I’m sorry, curse here? Yeah, you’re fine.

I’m a

Christa Innis: little late to ask that question, but. Redo! No. Yeah, it’ll be fine. I don’t know. That is, yeah, why? I don’t get these mother in laws that hate their daughter in laws so much thatthey don’t care what they say, like no one’s good enough for their son.

I don’t, know what it is.

Saron Olkaba: It’s enmeshment. I think that’s the word. no, it’s emotionally incest, even worse. Yes. No, that’s creepy as hell. Right.

Christa Innis: There was this skit, I don’t know if you watch SNL. did you see, oh, who hosted the Timothee Chalamet one? No, I haven’t seen it.

This last weekend? Okay, you have to watch it, but there’s one about that, but it’s like extreme, like the Oedipus Complex. It’s about like Mother’s Day and like the sun being like, hey mom. I don’t know,

Saron Olkaba: I’m horrified that I’m going to be looking this up just immediately after we get off this.

You need to.

Christa Innis: It was cringe, but I was like. It’s like way over the top, but it was like some of these moms, yeah, I could see it. I find

Saron Olkaba: it, once you meet this psycho mother in law, right? and you see that this man sees nothing wrong with their relationship and kind of encourages it and won’t ask her.

How are you still attracted to this man that might want to fuck his mom? Like,  how do you not get the ick immediately and run away from, like, self preservation?

Christa Innis: Yeah, cause my thing is, this is not the first time something like this has happened. She had of given signs before they got engaged, or when they first met, I’m thinking, like, first dinner at a parent’s house.

Every girlfriend

Saron Olkaba: had a book before

Christa Innis: him, before her. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, like, what were the signs before? Yeah, because it wasn’t like, oh, they’re engaged now, they’re serious, now my real, like, craziness is gonna come out. Like, I feel like she had to have treated her poorly before this.

Saron Olkaba: Right. And the sister in law is also a as well.

Christa Innis: Yeah, what’s the deal with that? Okay, three days after the wedding, she texted my husband saying she wanted to talk about my behavior at the wedding. What? He told her he wouldn’t have that conversation without me there, and she refused. A few days later, she blocked me on social media and deleted my husband?

So what her behavior was like having boundaries and like, No, expecting her

Saron Olkaba: parents to be able to sit in the front row. Yeah. And not allowing the friend of a co worker of her neighbor’s nephew to come last minute. Those were the things. Right. Those were the things.

Christa Innis: Those are really harsh to have.

I mean, maybe blocking on social media and deleting the husband is like the best thing, because then you guys can’t see her on social media. I wouldn’t have said a thing

Saron Olkaba: about that.

Christa Innis: I would have

Saron Olkaba: said,

Christa Innis: great. I’m like, awesome. Yeah, you saved it. saved me from doing it. When I tried reaching out, she called my husband crying.

Here we go. The victim saying she’d been crying every day because of how I treated her when he defended me like a good, she hung up because she realizes he gone. he’s not backing you up anymore, crazy mom. He is now

Saron Olkaba: someone else’s husband. Not yours.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not yours. Finally, my husband texted her saying she had two options.

Have a conversation or lose him. She replied, I guess I won’t be seeing you anymore then. I mean, I would say hallelujah.

Saron Olkaba: I would be like, I’m so sorry, babe. Yeah. It’ll be like, we’ll, we’ll get this. It’s just trying to keep my face straight. Okay.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel like the petty in me, I’d text her, I’d be like, well, have a great life. Best of luck. Yeah. Honestly, I’m relieved, you know, and I really hope they don’t contact her.

And I hope it’s just like left that way because like we were saying, this mother in law would make her life a living hell. And number one for the craziest wedding story I ever read on a podcast episode was with Pile Desai wedding brawl disaster.

Fast forward to the wedding and reception. The ceremony went well, but the reception was a complete disaster. Her parents went through the wedding gifts and cards to pay my boyfriend for his DJ services.

Payal Desai: Oh my

Christa Innis: God,

Payal Desai: that’s so

Christa Innis: kki. That’s so, this is why, and I’ve said this before, it’s like when you hire friends, they’re looking for like a little discount? Mm-hmm. Or they just not as, I don’t know, professional.

Payal Desai: I don’t think like friends and business ever mix, No. No, they don’t. That’s a no for me.

Christa Innis: You need extra like contracts in place or to really make sure it’s someone that you want to work with, but most of the time it’s like, yeah, no,

Payal Desai: it just gets mucky.

It gets mucky, and then you’re trying to go through cards to pay. Dj,

Christa Innis: the number of stories that I’ve read about people hiring friends for photographers and vice versa. Mm-hmm. And then they ended up with no photos or they ended up with crappy photos ’cause it was someone just starting out. Like, no, we’re not doing that.

Guys.

Payal Desai: well, and with a friendship or even like with family, like a falling out could occur. And so why would you if it’s a professional and it, you don’t have like a relation to that person. There’s a contract and you abide by that. But a lot of times if you’re working with a friend, like you may forego the contract ’cause it’s like, oh, we don’t have to make it all official.

Like you’ll just do it for me.

Christa Innis: there was a lot of animosity between her family and ours the entire night. If my family was ever on the dance floor, which was most of the night, her family stayed away. What is the deal? Also, I feel like if something like that happened where they kicked out someone for announcing a pregnancy, I would already be like, this is weird.

Like, I don’t know. Especially like it’s his sister being kicked out of the wedding.

Payal Desai: Yeah, when

Christa Innis: you pick up your family and be like, why are you kicking my sister out for announcing a pregnancy?

Payal Desai: do you think that there’s like an obligation to, including like your husband’s female?

Uh, family members in the wedding party. ’cause I don’t think, there is no, like, if you don’t have a closeness with them, like you should not feel obligated. ’cause I feel like when you do, this is the kind of stuff that happens. Whereas if you’re just like, Hey, I’m marrying into your family, you’re marrying and into my family.

Let relationships happen like organically and over time people become close or they don’t, but like, just including them for optics is kind of a problem, I think. Yeah.

Christa Innis: As the night went on, my boyfriend played our family song and everyone was having a great time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone shove my grandfather. Okay, what’s going on here? After that, all hell broke. Loose fights erupted all over the hall, tables broke,

Payal Desai:  and there was blood everywhere. What? That’s awful. Wait. That escalated so fast. I’m like, what happened? Like, so I feel like there is like a piece of this story missing where there was some like conflict or tension that is not being shared because there’s no way that.

It went from like kicking somebody out of the wedding and then everyone’s angry at each other. Two sides, of the family are not interacting, engaging. Dancing together, celebrating, and then all of a sudden it’s like a bloodbath. What? Yes. No, I’m like

Christa Innis: picturing it like, Romeo and Juliet right now, or like the two sides are like battling.

Payal Desai: and it started off very innocent. Like, hey, like they, chose the wedding party, we’re all in it, we’re excited, and then boom, like.

Christa Innis: I don’t know what the heck. This is insane. It says the bride’s mom got into my face for no reason. Mind you, I was only 18 at the time. She went to shove me, but I was pulled away.

Why are people just shoving people here? what is happening? Someone threw my mom to the floor and broke my boyfriend’s custom built speakers, like, oh, no. Someone threw your mom to the floor, pushed your grandfather, like this is the most violent story I’ve ever read. Yeah,

Payal Desai: that’s awful though. Like think about that couple,

Christa Innis: they can never get their families together until they have like a full family therapy session or something.

Yeah,

Payal Desai: that’s terrible. And you imagine it probably causes a conflict between them two. Because one thing that I will say is like. When you get married to someone like you come from very different places, right? Like you’re raised by different parents, and so there’s always going to be At least a little bit of conflict, right?

But like you are more willing to forgive and understand your family’s behaviors and they are as well. this is just human nature. And so if there is a big family conflict, like it’s hard to maintain like what you have with your partner, but then also not be a pushover for your own family.

delicate balance, that’s

Christa Innis: all. Oh, for sure. ’cause if he was like, oh, like Uncle Bob, you don’t know his humor. He just, made a little joke, you He’s like, oh, he’s, just so crass, whatever, like, you know. Yeah. It’s like, oh, but Aunt Mary’s the nicest woman ever. Like, you don’t know her stuff.

Right. You know? And like

Payal Desai: you don’t really know these things intimately about your spouse’s family, so you’re not as forgiving. I don’t know. Oh my

Christa Innis: God. That’s crazy. Okay, wait, there’s a little bit more. it says the sheriff’s or state police arrived. It turned out, the bride’s parents had told my cousin his new wife to leave, leave the reception before everything escalated.

Family Feud Over Wedding Invitations and After-Party Drama

So they had no idea what was going on. Okay. So like I said, those are some crazy stories. If you did not hear the full stories of those, go back and check ’em out. We’re gonna put the links to the full episodes in the show notes. You guys can check them all out. But I’m so curious to hear what you guys thought were the craziest episodes.

Tell me on social media, DM me. Post it in my Patreon, whatever suits you best. and as I promised, we are gonna do an exclusive story because I just couldn’t do, I couldn’t fathom the idea of sharing a new episode without a new story in it. I know the whole point of sharing some highlight episodes is so I can like take a week off, but I just felt weird about doing that.

Okay, here we go. This is my soon to be sister-in-law story. She had sent out invitations for her wedding and used the traditional Catholic phrasing for how the bride and groom were listed. It’s hard to explain, but if you know, you know, I think that’s when the parents. Names are introduced on it, if I’m remembering correctly.

 like the Mr. And Mrs. Invite, like the wedding of their daughter to so and so. I think that’s what it’s okay. While the groom’s parents were extremely offended by it, they said it made them feel unimportant and caused a huge issue. Then they came after me telling me how my wedding invitations better not be phrased the same way.

Whoa. Okay. So why her sister-in-law? Why would they come after her? Mind you, I had no intention of doing it that way. I had just been confirmed Catholic and everyone else in the family had already been raised in the church. This all happened before her bridal shower, which of course became another issue.

The bride and groom had planned for everyone at the shower to head over to the bride’s parents’ house afterward for a small after party, just a casual thing, maybe 30 plus people. The groom’s mom shut it down immediately. No, we are going to my brother’s house after you two or just the groom need to be there.

What, why are they so upset about it being at the bride’s parents’ house? This is another one where it’s like the parents are competing with each other because of some hidden reason, right? Like there’s a just story I just read where it’s about money. There’s another story where I have read where one felt like the other one had more control, but they won’t just come out and say it.

It’s also hard when it’s not your wedding, right? So. Depending on their relationship with their son, maybe he’s not relaying all information to them, so when they’re feeling left out, I don’t know. It’s hard. I’ve never been in that position, so I don’t know what that could feel like. The groom replied, we live 20 minutes away and they’ve never even invited us over before.

The bride’s parents have been planning this after party for over a month. Okay, so what ended up happening? My fiance, me the groom and his dad all went to the uncle’s house. Meanwhile, the groom’s sister and mom went to the bride’s parents’ party and were confused and upset when the rest weren’t there.

Wait, I’m so confused by this story, so you’re telling me. Last minute just because his parents demanded it. They ended up going to the uncle’s house,

but the groom’s sister and mom went to the bride’s parents’ house. That’s so weird. Why would they do that?

Miscommunication, PTO Battles, and Overstepping Parents

Okay. Sometimes reacting in real time is hard because I’m still piecing like the puzzle pieces together. I’m only like getting part of the story too sometimes. so that’s my first reaction. What the heck is happening here? Okay. Fast forward to now, the groom’s parents are insisting on using their PTO to come visit, even though the couple explained that they had used their PTO for the year.

Between their own wedding, honeymoon, other family weddings, and my wedding. So

they’re talking about events that are coming up still. So the person that wrote this is currently engaged. There’s a bride and groom’s wedding that’s coming up, and the groom’s parents are the ones that are kind of causing an issue in all of this. Don’t like the wedding invitation. Something on there offended them Probably because I think it’s like the bride’s family is introduced, right?

And it’s like the daughter of so and so is getting married too. Right? So they were offended ’cause they’re not like the main name on it. then they’re mad because they want everyone to go to their house after there was a plan for over a month.

But it’s just weird that part of the family decided to go, okay. Still, the groom’s parents were offended saying they felt unimportant and never got to see their son. Keep in mind, they live three hours away. The groom manages a PT clinic. the bride is in law school working at a firm, and their schedules are packed.

That’s hard when you live three hours away. That’s really hard. I don’t know if the parents are working as well or if maybe they’re retired. That’s probably a little bit easier for them to go to them. However, not something you really have to plan for. I know like my parents live just about an hour away from me, so we have to make an effort.

Like we have busy schedules, but you have to make it work. However, we don’t know this relationship. We don’t know if he wants to make it work or, I don’t know. Three hours is a lot. Maybe they can do a zoom call. but the groom’s parents still try to force FaceTime calls at random times that don’t work for them.

Now, week of the wedding, the groom’s parents are insisting the dad give a speech at the reception. Oh, you knowgo. You guys know how I feel about someone insisting a speech. Traditionally, the groom’s family can give a speech at, the rehearsal. I’ve seen that many times. Not always. And then typically it’s like the bride’s dad or family does it at the wedding.

I’m all for throwing traditions out the window. You don’t have to stick to your Traditions. But insisting, I don’t know. It’s hard. ’cause I feel like there’s like a lot of heart. It sounds like there’s a lot of communication error. The groom’s parents miss their son, they wanna see him, they feel.

Being pulled away. However, they’re just going about it the wrong way. and I just never feel like you should insist, like, Hey, he needs to speak. Maybe he’s gonna say something inappropriate. Maybe he doesn’t know his son well enough to speak about him. Maybe he doesn’t know the relationship. Maybe he doesn’t support the bride and groom.

So if you are personally not asked by the bride and groom, don’t say you’re gonna give a speech. I’ve seen it happen so many times where. Someone that wasn’t supposed to give a speech stands up and gives a speech. Someone tells the bride and groom, Hey, I’m giving a speech. And sometimes they work out great, but I feel like a lot of times the bride and groom’s then pushed into a corner.

So they say yes when they don’t really want to. okay. The bride explained that the dad already had a planned speech at the spot, at the rehearsal dinner. So here we go. Since there were already two maid of honor speeches, a best man speech, a short message from the priest and her dad’s speech at the reception.

So kind of like what I was just talking about. So they were like, Hey, you can absolutely speak, but we’ve reserved it for the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom responded with. So no one’s going to hear the groom’s dad speech. Mind you, there’ll be almost 70 people at the rehearsal dinner, and they’re mostly from the groom’s side of the guest list anyway, so we’ll see what happens.

And yes, I’ll send another story. If anything wild goes down this weekend. Oh my gosh. I kind of wanna quickly see if this person sent me another story.

Speeches, Hurt Feelings, and the Line Between Tradition and Control

Okay. They haven’t yet, so we’ll have to do a follow up and see what happened. I wanna get my feedback though on this, or my comment on this. If you really care about your son and you’re really excited about giving a speech, it’s gonna be for your son and your future daughter-in-law. It’s not gonna be for everybody else.

And if you’re pushing more like, oh, well, no one’s gonna hear my speech. Your son is gonna hear your speech, the person that it really matters about, and there’s still gonna be 70 people there. I guess not the main setup, but if someone asked me to do a speech at the rehearsal, I would be honored. I’d be like, that means so much to me.

 so again, I’m reading this as there’s a lot of hurt going on. There’s a lot of miscommunication. And, they’re not really going about it the right way. It also sounds to me like the bride and groom probably aren’t making it a priority. I mean, they live three hours away. They seem to be kind of living their lives.

 and again, I’m only getting this much detail, so I don’t know what went on or if they’ve always just been closer to the brides family. And that’s hard. That’s hard when. One set of parent is closer to the bride and groom, or the couple, because the other one sees them kind of like, dwindling away or they kind of feel like they’re being pushed out.

But, there’s a lot going on here is what I’m saying. Alright, well that’s pretty wild. I am gonna reach out to this person and see if there’s a part to the story. They sent it a month ago, so it happened a month ago.

We’ll see if anything wild happened during the wedding weekend. I would hope the groom’s dad just accepts it and just gives the speech at the, rehearsal dinner. Who knows. I don’t know. I’ve seen it. Like I said, I’ve talked about this before. I’ve seen it before where people push to give a speech, and it doesn’t always go great.

All right guys. Well that’s all I have this week. Thanks for hanging out with me again. This was just a very special episode to kind of reflect on everything so far. It’s been so much fun to create this for you guys and just hang out. The stories I get are wild, and it’s just fun to kind of react with you guys.

 if you guys don’t follow me on YouTube, YouTube’s where I put the longer content, I don’t really talk about that a lot on here, but obviously I do the skits, and I do some one-off reading on, TikTok and, Facebook, Instagram, but YouTube every single week I do release a long form video.

 and I say long form where it’s, it’s like 10 minutes, but I do read other YouTube or other story submissions there as well. So if you can’t get enough, we got more there and I got more on my Patreon once a month as well. So thanks for hanging out with me and I will see you guys next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Sister Betrayal, Blood on the Dress & Wedding Regrets with My Best Friend, Ivette Bracken

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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What do you do when the person who’s supposed to love you the most becomes your loudest bully?

In this episode, Ivette and I dive headfirst into the betrayal, the shame, and the silence that followed. We talk about what it means to grow up misunderstood, to be mocked for your mental health, and to finally say, “I’m done.”

If you’ve ever had to protect your peace at the cost of a relationship or felt that sick gut-drop when someone weaponizes your vulnerability this one’s for you. It’s raw. It’s painful. And it might be the most honest we’ve ever gotten.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

14:35 Reflecting on Time and Family

16:31 Parenting and Social Media Concerns

19:01 Wedding Stories and Crazy Moments

27:14 Rapid Fire Wedding Questions

30:38 Dress Fitting Disaster

42:57 Wedding Planning Reflections

47:38 Kids at Weddings: A Hot Take

48:39 Debating Kids at Weddings

50:34 A Wedding Story: Sister’s Joke Gone Wrong

52:10 Mental Health and Family Dynamics

54:34 Standing Up for Yourself

57:02 Boundaries and Respect

01:17:32 Confessions and Reflections

01:19:14 Weekly Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Blood on the Wedding Dress – Christa shares a surreal moment at her dress fitting involving actual blood and the wild way it was handled.
  • Private Tears vs. Public Panic – Ivette chooses where she’d rather break down on wedding day, sparking a convo about emotional safety and stage fright.
  • Therapy or Voice Notes? – A lighthearted but revealing take on whether pre-wedding therapy trumps endless best friend venting.
  • The Dress Fitting Breakdown – Christa unexpectedly spirals while recalling her fitting fiasco and finally tells the story in full.
  • Boundaries, Brides, and Breakdown Moments – The duo unpacks what it really takes to stay sane and self-respecting in the pressure cooker of wedding culture.
  • The Speech That Cut Deep – At the rehearsal dinner, her sister mocked her mental health journey in front of everyone—with a cruel “joke” about her depression that left the room stunned.
  • Golden Child Gone Rogue – The submitter opens up about growing up in her sister’s shadow—the loud, confident sibling who never took her mental health seriously and finally crossed the line.
  • Depression Isn’t a Punchline – Christa and Ivette get real about how damaging it is when mental illness becomes a family joke—and why staying silent is no longer an option.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Weddings don’t change people they reveal them.”  — Christa Innis
  • “You can be pregnant and emotionally mature.”  — Ivette
  • “It’s not just hormones if you’re still mad a year later.” — Christa Innis
  • “There’s a difference between being uncomfortable and being unkind.” — Ivette
  • “The real test of character isn’t the seating chart — it’s how you act when you’re not the center of it.” — Christa Innis
  • “Family group chats are where grudges go to thrive.” — Ivette
  • “If someone’s always the victim, maybe they’re the common denominator.” — Ivette
  • “No one owes you a custom wedding because you’re pregnant.” — Christa Innis

About Ivette:

Ivette is a mommy, a wife, and a psychotherapist in training. She loves girl talk and giving unsolicited advice. She’s all about conversations that matter because she believes people matter. She was also Christa’s Maid of Honor in her wedding.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:   Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. Normally I record these intros right after I have a guest on the show, but last night I was so exhausted. Today I’m a little more. Well rested, but I still only got like five hours of sleep. I’ve been working on too many crazy projects and I find I’m just like up late sometimes. Um, so I have a special guest today. My best friend Ivette, is back on episode 12. She was on and we shared a really crazy story. We reacted together and we had so much fun coming on. We were. Busy moms, we live states apart. No, it sounds a little more dramatic than it is. We live in different states.

We’re not too far apart, but it’s just hard to get together sometimes. And so it’s been so fun just to like have her on the podcast. ’cause we like catch up, we talk a little wedding drama and then we just, I don’t know, banter back and forth, talk about whatever comes up. Um, so I invited her back on ’cause you guys loved it so much and since the last time of her being on, she graduated from her program and she is now a licensed professional counselor focusing in mental health, working with individuals, families, and. Teens. Um, she’s just an amazing person. Um, she’s someone that I’ve always looked up to just because she works hard. She’s a great mom, a great wife, and she just really focuses on building strong relationships. Um, so she’s someone that I’ve always looked up to. Um. If you guys read my book, you might recognize her name if you haven’t yet, it’s, this doesn’t spoil anything, but there’s a little something with her name in the book.

Um, I. We’ve talked about it before about like how we got connected over the years and um, how we  grew closer. And so if you’re looking for  more of that backstory, go to episode 12. We kinda talk more about this, today’s episode. We kind of just dive right in. But before we get to that, I wanted to just dive into some, I’m gonna call it nine one one drama before I play the quote unquote interview portion with my friend Ivette. So someone sent me this message about a bridal shower, and I just wanna discuss with you guys and see what your takes are on all this. And I’ve shared some of this on social media, so if you follow me on social media, you’ve probably seen it, but I’ve gotten so many messages about it since. So let’s discuss.

Bridesmaid Budget Breakdown

The first message I got says, who typically pays for a bridal shower? My friend is being asked to pay. Wait for it guys. $1,500 for her friend’s bridal shower. She is a bridesmaid, so of course my jaw dropped because yes, I’ve helped plan many bridal showers. I’ve put some together. I’ve been a host for some, but most of the time when I am a bridesmaid, I maybe help with like. One area of things, right? Like I might bring some food, I might bring desserts, I might help set up, um, run to the store and get some things right. $1,500 is unheard of. That is just insane that someone’s being asked to spend that. She, of course, this is all permission ’cause she gave me permission to share all this.

So I said, what? That’s unheard of. I would say typically it’s the bride’s family. Sometimes groom’s family is a part of it too, depending on how close they are in relationships. I’ve had a plan for some things, but never the whole thing, and I’m talking like under $150 and that was even like pushing it, right? She said, okay. Same. Usually the bridesmaids, run the show, keep things moving. Decorations, but not pay for the  entire thing. Thank you. I said, yes, $1,500 is quite insane. Does she have other bridesmaids? And that’s when I asked her if I could share this. We kind of talk about it more. Um, and she said the maid of honor is a sister who is very wealthy.

And I believe there’s another sister that’s a, has a, there’s another sister that is a bridesmaid. So. There’s multiple bridesmaids. I don’t know if they’re all being asked to spend this money, but the family has money. The brides family can afford this, so. My thought and assumption is they want this big elaborate party and then they’re splitting it. So let’s say they’re doing open bar, they’re doing a plate and dinner, they’re doing it at a big venue, maybe a little outta their price range. Because if you are asking your bridesmaids to spend that kind of money, that tells me that maybe the family can’t afford it or they don’t wanna spend the money. And my thing is, if you can’t afford it or don’t want to spend that money. Either don’t have a shower like that or do something smaller, do it at someone’s house. Do it where you just pay like a $200 deposit on the room and then cater food in. Um, like I said, I’ve helped with showers where they are super small at someone’s house and we do very basic easy food, small bites.

Right. And I’ve been to showers that are at big venues that honestly were nicer than my wedding. Um. Granted, I didn’t pay for those ones. I was just a guess at them. But I’ve seen them in ranges. Right? But typically, if you do that, that’s the family paying for it. You should not, as a bridesmaid be paying for it unless you know you want to help and you offer, um, to help in some, some way. $1,500 to me is insane. So when I shared that to the story, a few other people messaged me. And told me some things that happened to them. So I’m gonna read a couple of these mini stories here. Speaking of the bridal shower thing on your story, years ago, my friend’s mom told us we, the bridesmaids, were the ones solely responsible for the shower, and then she sat there smoking cigarettes while we set everything up, telling us we should move certain things to certain places, never lifting a finger to help us.

I ended up getting a Venmo request from the maid of honor when it was all said and done for $300. So of course, that’s way less than 1500, but still the audacity. It should never be a demand that you pay for it. Again, depending on the situation, bridesmaids will help. Like again, like I’ve seen it  where bridesmaids are very a part of it. They help plan things, but typically it’s gonna be the family that pays for most of it. Or maybe it’s like, oh, I’ll bring the drinks, I’ll help with the decorations. But to then Venmo request each bride made is a little odd to me. Um. So, okay, this next one says, okay. As a maid of honor, I was once asked to not only throw a bridal shower, but specifically asked for it to be in New York City restaurant with a present, with a preset menu for about 30 people. Okay, so I hear 30 and I’m like, that’s small. Kind of average for bridal shower, right? This would’ve cost me between 10 and 20 K because we’re talking New York City.

I had to set boundaries and say I could not afford it, but would be happy with something much more low key, 10 to 20,000. You could  have a small wedding for that cost. That is insane to me. I know, like I don’t live in the city. I don’t live, I’ve never lived downtown in the city, right? So I know New York is very expensive. However, we have to consider people. If you are demanding or wanting something specific for your wedding, then you need to be able to either afford it or know that  you have the help. I’ve, a few of the message I sent I received said traditionally bridesmaids did help with some. Showers? I don’t know.

I think it’s a very, like, it depends on like where you live. Because for example, like I know  my grandma did my mom’s shower, so, um, I don’t think it’s completely traditional. I think it just depends on your family, where you live, um, and what you’re kind of looking for. Okay. So that was another example. Okay. Here is one more. This one is wild. Okay. Saw your story about bridesmaids paying for a bridal shower. I made of honor. Just paid, oh, I’m sorry. No, this is okay. This is a nicer one I made of honor. Just paid and hosted for two of my friends getting married. I was supposed to be, it was supposed to be her family shower.

Her mom and sister are not in the state where they could financially foot the bill, so I made sure she had the same family shower experience. I took care of it. She didn’t ask her future mother-in-law told the Groomsmen’s family to not show up, and I called a bunch of our friends to come fill the seats last minute so she wouldn’t walk in an empty shower. Literally her mom, sister and grandma, and three friends from work. So much drama with the groom’s family. Second shower. Was put for our friend’s Bible study since originally there was no room for the them at the family shower. It’s not typical, but I would still do it all over again to make sure my friend got the love and support she needed.

Absolutely. I a hundred percent agree with that. If you are. A wedding for someone. Um, hopefully. I mean, hopefully if you’re in a wedding for someone, you really care about them and you, um, want them to have a beautiful day and you wanna show your love and support. Um, we did something similar years ago when I was in a friend’s wedding. Um, I wanna say there were five of, of us bridesmaid, she had two sisters. Um, but. Me and another friend, we pretty much put together the whole thing. It was hosted at my friend’s mom’s house. We planned the whole thing. We put it all together, but again, we fit our budgets. We were like broke. Uh, I mean, what 22?

Shady Showers & Venmo Requests

22, 23 year olds. So we didn’t have much money. We did what we could, you know, and so we stuck within our budget. I remember what we ate. I just remember it being very small at our friend’s mom’s house. So if  you know it’s all, again, it’s again what you want to help with and what works, works for you. Okay. I thought I was, I thought I had one more. Spot. Okay, here it is. Okay. I knew I had a wild one. Someone sent me. Okay, here we go. Reading your bridal shower story. I had a similar thing happen. We were told that the bride’s mother was paying for the venue, but wanted the bridesmaids to plan things out. Okay. So that’s pretty typical, I think for most of the showers I’ve been a part of.

That’s how it works. Like bridesmaids are included in some way. But again, depending on the age of the bridesmaid, age of the brides, you’re kind of just more there to like help organize. Right. We met multiple times to plan the decor and activities, all things that we were able to contribute right before the shower.

The maid of honor told us that the mom can no longer pay and we would have to, so I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if the mom. Had agreed originally and then backed out. But I’m also wondering like where, who spent the money originally? Right. So like was her deposit down and then, um, you know, she owed more money the day of, because typically venues you have to put money down ahead of time, pay a certain amount to  hold your spot, right. Or if there’s food decor, you’re paying for those things as you go. So I’m kind of wondering if the mom was like, I’ll pay you back, and then all of a sudden she’s like, I’m not paying you back. Um, we said, okay, but we weren’t purchasing alcohol because we didn’t budget for this expense. Again, you don’t need alcohol at a shower.

So like, it’s crazy to me when, because this is not the only time I’ve heard this about budgeting or like making sure there’s alcohol at a shower. It’s, that’s a little excessive if, if you already are struggling and you’re asking your bridesmaids to pay for things, the open bar is not a necessity. Get to the shower Mom. The mom and the maid of honor planned their own decor that didn’t match the rest of what we had planned, even though the maid of honor was part of the process and they didn’t tell us. Didn’t tell us that. They told the venue we would provide the first round of drinks for all the guests until after the fact. We each had to pay over $300. So this is crazy to me that they just went behind their backs and was like, they’re gonna, all these brides over here, yeah, they’re gonna pay for the drinks. No, no, no, no, no. That is insane to me. There is so much more drama to this. It was very drama filled. Um, the maid of honor felt that we should pay for things since the bride was spending a lot on us, wasn’t the case.

 

The mother of the bride was also trying to send nasty emails to the bridesmaids, but. The bride  intercepted after reading the email and told her mom, no, it was so much drama. Okay, well, props to the bride, but also so shady that the mom was doing this behind the bride’s back being like, you guys need to pay for the alcohol, pay for this.

Again, like there’s so much expectation, expectations when it comes to social media. In comparison, people want these elaborate parties, but what kind of friend are you? And again, in this circumstance, the bride didn’t know right. But I’ve heard of many where the bride demands this. Right? What kind of friend are you? If you’re demanding your bride, your bridesmaids, to pay all this money to be in your wedding? That’s like for me, I was so excited just to have my best friend sitting up there with me, get pictures together, get our hair and makeup done together. Again, whatever they wanted. I wanted them to enjoy the day. ’cause it’s like fun to get like pampered and hang out, right? But I would. Die. If I knew that they were get going bankrupt or like spending way too much money, that’s not what I wanted. I think my maid of honor, I think spent like 50 bucks on her, on her dress, and I was like, yes, it’s on clearance. Please buy it now. You I was all about like save money,  wear shoes you already have. You don’t have to get your hair and makeup done like. I get we want this like great day. We want things to look nice and everything, but we have to like understand  people will be happy to support you and be excited for you, but the respect needs to be mutual.

And we’re talking like all of it. I could go on and on about this forever. We have a full episode. I’m just getting really like pumped up and excited. Um, we recorded it at 8:00 PM last night. Eight 30 ish. We kind of, we do it after the kids go to bed. Um, it’s a great way to catch up, but like I said, my best friend is back. I’m so excited to talk with her. She’s got her own, uh, professional side where she’s given some advice. Um, so without further ado, please enjoy this episode with my best friend, Ivette. Enjoy.

Christa Innis: But yeah, I just feel like we need to just start talking because I would feel like we don’t really need to introduce it because I feel like that’s so informal for us, for me to be like, Hey, y welcome to the class. Tell everyone about yourself. 

Ivette : Yeah. It does feel weird for me to be like, Hey, I’m so and so, ’cause I’m, I’m Ivette.

And that’s more than enough. 

Christa Innis: Like we’re like, we’re not gonna introduce ourselves and then we’re just doing it. But I just strive to be, I just wanna be more casual on these podcasts. I feel like because of where I came from with doing like, you know, the podcast before, I don’t know if people listening know, like, I used to work for like a mommy brand and so I did a podcast and so it was like very formal ’cause it was for like a brand that like I worked for.

And so I’m so used to like doing that now and I’m like, I just wanna be like, I just wanna hang out with people when they come on, you know? Yeah, yeah. Could have been recording 

Ivette : the whole time. 

Christa Innis: I know we talked about so many things. We’ll see if they come up again. Uh, I’m sure they will, but I was just like, oh, it’s getting late and we’re chatting.

We should probably just like start. Yeah. Thanks for coming back on. Thanks for having me again. I’m excited. Um, that was on, I don’t even know. What month are we? It’s July now. Yeah. This doesn’t come out until August or September, but, 

Ivette : um, yeah, it was last fall I think. Definitely. Right. Last fall. No, this is Jan.

Nevermind. This has only been a year in the 

Christa Innis: making. Not even. I, yeah, I think I, I started recording. I started this podcast in January. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I You got me so confused. My, it’s my brain. I know we like my husband and I always say my husband, I, I don’t even talk to you like that. My husband Zach and I, I don’t know who that is.

I know you’re like, no idea what that is. Zach and I are always like, time is so weird. ’cause like, we’ll look at pictures of my daughter. I just, her privacy stuff. Um, and I’m like, she was a full on baby last year. Like now she’s like a kid. 

Ivette : Mm-hmm. I know you sent Well Matt, my husband sent the picture of her and I was like, what?

Who is that? She’s 

Christa Innis: like a kid. She’s a kid. I know. She’s like full on like thoughts and stuff. It’s so weird how they just grow up so fast. 

Ivette : I love that she’s into Spider-Man though. ’cause Priya definitely went through her Spider-Man phase and they were so excited when we went to go see the exhibit. 

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Ivette : So they loved it. 

Christa Innis: Good stuff. I love that. It feels like just yesterday you were pregnant at my wedding with Bria. 

Ivette : Yeah. It was cute. We were at the exhibit and she’s like, mom, I was taking a picture. She’s like, mom, I, I can’t do it. And she’s like, trying to figure it out. She’s like, holier 

Christa Innis: with those fingers.

Yeah, with her other 

Ivette : hand. It’s like, whew. Like, you got it girl. You got it. Gosh. So we’ll have to teach cle. Yes. We’ll have to teach the baby. 

Christa Innis: It’s all right. We can edit that out. Edit. Yeah. I’m like weird. Like, it doesn’t even like matter if people know her name. I’m just like, I think what I’m afraid of, and this is me being vulnerable, I never want people to say negative comment about her in any way.

You know what I’m saying? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So like, even like, um, like, I don’t know, I just feel like very like, protective about it. ’cause like I’ve seen people like post about like, oh, these are my kids or something. And someone will be like, that’s a weird name. Or that’s, oh, why would you let your kid wear that or do that?

And I’m like. I know I’m sensitive and I’m like, if anyone had say anything about my child, they’d be like, wow. Like, mm-hmm. So I’m like, like props to like all the moms out there that just like, 

Ivette : I, I remember like, um, when Paris Hilton had her baby and people were being so mean about her son, and I was like, that is awful.

Mm-hmm. And I feel like it happens all the time. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, I think it’s terrible. Yeah. And I think one of the things too that you keep seeing is like now with like, I wonder if in your profession too, it’s like, because there’s so much more awareness of like. Um, special needs or autism or, you know, different things.

I feel like people are so quick to like diagnose other people. I’ve seen it online. Like someone will post their child and they’re like, oh, have you got them checked for this, blah, blah, blah. And it’s like, don’t say that out someone else’s child. Like, don’t label ’em. Yeah, don’t label. Like obviously if you see like a spot on their back and you’re like, that might be melanoma.

Yeah. Let’s like, maybe have them look in. I, I’ve heard of that happening where people get like checked then. But like, I don’t know. I guess that’s why I’m the way I am about stuff. I don’t even know what we’re talking about. 

Ivette : Um, we’re just talking to just start talking. 

Christa Innis: Uh, I was telling Ivette before we started that I was recording with, um, Kate, this girl Katie, that was on my podcast and we were talking, she’s like, just start recording.

Mm-hmm. And I still felt so weird doing it ’cause I was like, I felt like I still need to introduce her. And she’s like, let’s just see what happens. And I was like. Yeah, so we were talking about this and like, I just feel so, like, I feel like outta sorts, like the planner in me is like, 

Ivette : oh my gosh, 

Christa Innis: but 

Ivette : do I have to do this?

I have to do that. Where do we go next? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s so weird. Like, I don’t know, it’s weird, 

Ivette : but it’s good to be like authentic in it and just go for it. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. Mm-hmm. Which I could just like turn off the part of my brain that’s like, it doesn’t matter. Just be you girl. I dunno. Okay, we’re going to, so last week, we, last week, last week on this episode, last time you were here, we did something similar.

We were kind of doing like crazy stories. Mm-hmm. And um, we’re gonna react to one of course, like we always do. But I was thinking too, I’m like, I feel like we could tell so much more. Like, I don’t know, like we have been to, I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. I’m trying. Did you plan for this? No, I have my talking points and that’s it.

Um, my eye is so itchy, it’s like bugging me. Okay. I just went on a walk and so I feel like my allergies are so bad. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. 

Ivette : I don’t have that problem. I’m sorry. I can’t relate, but my husband has that problem and he’s, I’m always like, are you okay? He’s like, oh, my allergies are so bad. I’m like, I don’t, I don’t get it.

I, I’m fine. 

Christa Innis: I know. I usually don’t have ’em. This is the first year. 

Ivette : Oh, 

Christa Innis: really? Yeah. So they could still be coming. You’re young. Just wait. 

Ivette : I used to have ’em when I was like in middle school for like two years and then never again. 

Christa Innis: Really? So fingers crossed it stays that way. It’ll stay that way. You’ll get lucky.

Yeah. 

Ivette : Um, 

Christa Innis: no, I know what I was gonna say, but I was like trying to like protect myself, you know? That’s when I was like, when you start talking with someone, you’re like, okay, wait, should I say that or not? Mm. With Zach. He was on a Patreon episode and we were talking about like groomsmen stories. Mm. Um, after we like finished recording recently, I was like, I was like, Zach, you have crazy groomsmen stories, uh, that like you didn’t talk about.

And then I was like, thinking about when you were on, I’m like, you are my maid of honor. I was like, I wonder if like you have any like crazy stories or 

Ivette : about you? No, I can just, like Christa, she comes off really sweet. But she was the biggest bridezilla ever. No, actually, literally quite the opposite. You were like, oh yeah, I don’t care if you wear pink at my bachelorette party.

I was like, or uh, white. You are like, I don’t care if you wear white at my bachelorette party. I’m like, what? No, they cannot wear white. Like, that’s for you. 

Christa Innis: I feel like at that point I was just like, everybody’s here. Like why does it matter what people wear? Yeah. Also it’s like so awkward, like, maybe this is me too, but like you are like, you like think of that moment of like, oh, cool, it’s my bachelorette.

It’s like my party. But then like when you’re the one in white and everyone’s wearing black, you’re like, for the attention please. Like, yeah. It’s fun to be like, kind of like notice like, oh, you’re the bride. But then it’s like, also please look at my friends. Like they’re awesome. 

Ivette : Yeah. Yeah. For my bachelorette party, we went to, um, a drag show and they, like, they were calling me out because I was a bride, but I, they didn’t quite know who was a bride and they’re all like, it’s this one.

And I was wearing white and I was like, okay, not your typical, like full on, you know? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Ivette : So fun. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Part of me wishes. Like I had, I think the second day of my bachelorette, I was feeling really tired and I was like, I feel so old right now. I don’t know if I was hungover or what, but I remember we were doing the, like, the pedal bus and I was like, oh yeah.

I was like, girl, wake up. I didn’t know that. Gosh, I thought you were just like 

Ivette : having the 

Christa Innis: best time ever. I was having the best time ever, but like, it was like one of those where I was like, I feel like I’m in my thirties right now. 

Ivette : Yeah. Um, you said like if I had any crazy stories, this is not like I just had a friend over who I grew up with, but she’s currently living in Texas, so she stopped by, uh, the other day and she’s planning, so her sister’s getting married and she’s, she was planning kind of like a surprise bachelorette party kind of thing.

Well, part of it was all planned out. It was just like her cousins and really good friends and like the bridal party, but they were at this beach and then all of a sudden all of these women, so her aunts, her mom, her grandma, they all came in their original wedding dress, like their wedding dresses, like with the big poofy sleeves and everything and the veils.

And they all surprised her. And then they went out to all these bars and all the women were like in their wedding 

Christa Innis: gowns. And I’m like, that is so funny. I love that. Did you see that trend a while back? That was like, you go to Goodwill and you buy like an old lady dress? No, but I’ve always wanted to do 

Ivette : that.

Yes. Oh my gosh. Why didn’t we do that for this podcast? I don’t 

Christa Innis: know. We just like wearing eighties wedding dresses. Oh my gosh. That actually would’ve been really funny. My computer’s making sounds. That would’ve been so funny. It’s funny you say that actually, because right before I was getting ready to come on, I was like, oh, we should have done a theme and like.

Or something, but I was like, you literally see like this far up in my head, so 

Ivette : yeah. 

Christa Innis: That’s so funny. I know. That would’ve been really funny if we just like, but we know, we like didn’t talk about it. Like we just like came out and like acted like, yeah. Like it was totally normal. Next time I might need some wine if we do that.

Speaking of, I don’t think I’m a wine person anymore. I don’t know. I bought a glass of wine, I bought a glass, I bought a bottle of wine. Yeah. And I, and my husband Zach was somewhere last night, he was at a friend’s house and I like poured a glass and I was like, I texted him, I was like, I’m pouring this out.

This is like this. I just can’t, what 

Ivette : kind like is it the sugar free 

Christa Innis: wine. 

Ivette : Oh, okay. Is it because like, do you drink other stuff or? No, 

Christa Innis: I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I had a drink. 

Ivette : Wow. I am so. Like, I’m just proud of you guys because Zach doesn’t drink and now you are not drinking. And I’m, 

Christa Innis: yeah, it’s not like that.

I’m not, like, if I was at a social event, I would maybe have a drink. I’m trying to think. Have I been anywhere where now? I can’t remember. I feel like there was somewhere I was at recently and I had a drink. Anyways, we’re getting off topic again. I don’t even know if there is a topic. Okay. Um, I feel like I always think of like crazy stories that I wanna tell later.

So if as it comes up, it, maybe it’ll, let’s start with, can I, can I 

Ivette : ask you something? Can you hear any noises? No. Okay. ’cause now it’s hear noise. No, like sound can, do we hear voices? Are you hearing voices? Can we hear, um, Matt’s downstairs, um, like cleaning stuff and watching tv, so I just wanna make sure that, oh 

Christa Innis: no, I can’t hear.

No. Okay. Cool. You are all good. Okay. Um. So let’s start with some wedding hot takes. Mm-hmm. These are kind of, kind of in your realm of work, kind of for fun. So let’s just see what you think. Okay. Okay. Um,

let see.

Okay. Do you think surviving wedding planning with your partner is a test of a relationship strength? And what is a, I don’t like these. I’m taking this out. I don’t know. Sorry, Zach. I don’t know what he did for these. It’s okay.

That’s not a hot take. Zach. Those are questions.

I don’t know what he just did. That’s weird. Should we just make it up, thrown off? No, we don’t need them.

What was he doing? This is what happens when I don’t look at notes ahead of time. It’s been so busy. Okay. That’s okay.

Wedding Chaos Rapid Fire

 Okay. We’re gonna switch things up this week and we are gonna do rapid fire. Mm-hmm. So this is gonna be a this or that. So some wedding chaos addition. So, um, just like for different, like wedding things.

Okay. Would you rather cry in the bridal suite over a seating chart or cry on the dance floor in front of everybody? 

Ivette : Cry in private. Is it my wedding? Um, if it’s my wedding, I can cry. I don’t care if it’s not my wedding. I’m not crying and making it about me. This is about them. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think these are for your wedding.

I don’t know. 

Ivette : Hmm. I 

Christa Innis: mean, whatever, whatever you’re thinking. 

Ivette : Yeah. That, that was my thought. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Answer. Um, would you rather have one therapy session before your wedding planning starts? Or unlimited venting voice notes from your best friend? 

Ivette : I would see a schedule, um, a therapy session every week leading up to a marriage, and then after, no, um,

yeah, I have to say therapy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: Okay. Would you rather have a mother-in-law who overs, shares everything, or one who silently judges everything. 

Ivette : Oh, overshare, please. I wanna be comfortable. And 

Christa Innis: you want someone that overs, shares 

Ivette : like my stuff? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Ivette : Mm. I don’t care. I’m pretty vulnerable.

Like, give me what, like what would she share? Like let’s say you, um. If I was pregnant and she was like telling people I’d be pissed. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Oh yeah, no. Or like maybe you’ve been like, uh, I don’t know. I’m trying to think of something else. Like you’ve been having really bad pain and you’ve been going to see the doctor and she’s like telling everybody at church or something.

Oh, and what was my other option? Or silently judges you. I think everyone judges, right? Yeah. 

Ivette : So 

Christa Innis: I’m sure everyone like has, I guess that’s fine. 

Ivette : Yeah. Yeah. Now that you say it that way, like I’d rather her just be like, Ugh. And she’s not sharing with people, so that’s fine. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Keep it an all to ourselves.

Yeah. Um, would you rather forget your vows or say them perfectly while having a visible panic sweat? Um, no, I wouldn’t, 

Ivette : uh,

I would forget my vows. Because I would be able to say great things about my partner either way. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. There you go. I’ll get you so well spoken. Oh my gosh. Okay. Yeah, I agree with that because I feel like once you start panicking, can you hear? No. Okay. Really? Yeah. It’s loud down there. Is he like having a drum session or, 

Ivette : I don’t know if he’s watching a movie or something.

I can’t. 

Christa Innis: Okay, good. 

Ivette : I just want, don’t. 

Christa Innis: No, you’re good. Um. Would you rather lose your cool during a dress fitting or during your rehearsal dinner speech? Wait, I’m laughing because I just realized we never talked about my dress fitting. Should we talk about it? 

Ivette : I, I just thought about that. Yes. Tell the story please.

Because I immediately thought about that. 

Blood on the Wedding Dress & the Power of Grace

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. So I’ve, I can believe I’ve never like, shared this before. So when was it my first dress fitting? No, I think it was your second. So it was to try it on. So I went into my dress fitting and I think for that one it was no ’cause didn’t they already?

’cause you had already been 

Ivette : there before. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, this was, 

Ivette : yeah. So this is your second time. So I must have gone, did I go by myself? I think No, Jordan. Jordan went with you the first time, didn’t she? And then I went you the, with you the second time. 

Christa Innis: Okay. Jordan and my mother-in-law, I think went the first time maybe.

Yeah, I, I’m pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and first you okay me, you and my mom pull up, or no, you are maybe behind us or something. We pull up and I called the woman and she was like, um, I don’t have any appointments today. And I’m like, yeah, you have an appointment. Like, we’re outside. Um, and she’s like, Nope, I’m looking at the books.

I don’t have anything. And I was like, uh. She’s like, can you come back? And I was like, well, my maid of honor and my mom like pulled up or are here from like an hour and they live an hour away. Like, we can’t really just reschedule today. And she’s like, oh, okay, I’ll, I’ll be there in like 30 minutes. Can you just go to the local coffee shop?

Which ended up being really cool. That’s a great experience. It was really great ’cause it was friends theme and we’re big fans of friends around here, so that was really cute. But we go back and she’s like, still not there. And then she like. Quickly comes around the front, front lets us in. No, she doesn’t even let us in.

I think we let ourselves in. She’s in the back, doesn’t even come out to say anything. And you can just like hear her back there and she’s like, yeah, I’ll, I’ll be out in a second. And I was like, okay. It was like another, what, 20 minutes? Yeah. 

Ivette : We were waiting for a while. Yeah. And she had, she’s, she was a grandma, right?

Mm-hmm. So she had, was it one grand baby or two? Just the one, I think one was there and she was like, toddler, like she was a toddler. This, this woman is like stressed out, sweating. I can hear like, like in the back, things falling down, being like knocked over. I mean, I feel 

Christa Innis: the 

Ivette : tense, like tension? Yes. And the kid’s like grandma or I don’t even know what it was.

And here I am like playing, I think, I think the little kid had like Easter eggs, like little eggs with like stuff in it or something. That’s what I remember. Oh wow. I don’t even remember that. I was just like trying to like, yeah, like, I don’t know, make the situation a little bit better and entertain the kid, but yes.

So keep going. 

Christa Innis: So then she was like, uh, so what, what was your name? And like, I was like, Christa. And like, she was like flipping through pages back there in this like room in the back. And she’s like, yeah, okay, we’ve got your dress. We’ll we’ll get it on. And she comes rushing out and puts it in the room. And I like go in there by myself.

I like, shut the door or did I go in there by myself? No, I can’t remember. And then I like slowly open it or something. And I was like, Eva, come here. And you’re like, what? And like, so you and my mom came in and I was like, there’s blood all over the dress. Mm-hmm. And like, it wasn’t just like a couple spots, it was like all over, like underneath the layers.

Ivette : Like a trail of like everywhere she was touching, which is the whole. Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere. 

Christa Innis: Yes. And I feel like she like overheard me say that and then like kind of came back and she’s like, oh, it’s just a spot. And then just like quickly sprayed and wiped. And I was like, I’m like internally panicking because like I, I’m like in that point of course, like sure most things can come out, but it’s just like a kind of a weird thing to be like there’s someone else’s blood on your dress when you’re like here to try it on.

Yeah. And she was like panic, like I think she was like panicked doing it fast. Like really fast. Mm-hmm. And I was like, okay, you know what? They said something’s gonna happen wrong during your wedding planning. And I said, this is, this is the thing. And I’m just glad it’s my dress and it’s early. And I think like.

I was internally panicking, but I think like at that point you kind of took the lead and you were just like, okay, what’s going on here? Like mm-hmm. And you were like, just, you’re kind, but you were very like, firm with her. Like, okay, what are we doing here? And she’s like, I’m, I don’t know. And then she like held her hands up and her hands had cuts all over them, almost like she was just moving really fast.

Mm-hmm. So I think what happened is she had me down for the wrong date. And then when I called and said I was outside, she panicked and was like, I have to do this right now. Which if she just said, I forgot, I would’ve been like, don’t worry. Yes. If we 

Ivette : would’ve known, like it wasn’t just, oh, like I don’t have, uh, anything booked, but like, I’m, it’s actually not done.

You, even after that, you are so understanding. Like, I was shocked. I, I saw, I saw everything happen. Like, okay, late stress is going up. Like she’s. In the bath, you can feel the tension. Your stress level’s going up. Oh my gosh. Your dress, your wedding dress is covered in blood stress is like up at the top.

But then once I like talked to her, you talked to her. I think your mom too maybe. I can’t really remember, but I feel like your stress level was like going down and then I feel like at the end of it, did you hug her or is that my imagination? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. So you hugged 

Ivette : her? 

Christa Innis: I could tell she was so like embarrassed and like I, and not to be like, ’cause I feel like there’s people on the internet that like here, like, oh, you’re an empath, blah, blah, blah.

But like I can sense, and some people out there might agree, they might call me weird, whatever. But when there’s tension or I can tell someone’s like trying to hold in. Like if they’re upset, like I can sense it. I swear to God it’s like a sixth sense. I just felt like I believe that. Yeah. So even when she got like the spots, she like tried, she got most of the spots out.

She was spraying it and then I finally tried it on, right? So I’m staying in the mirror and she’s doing her normal thing. But you can tell like she’s holding back tears. Like I could tell she was like, and this poor woman, like she, you could tell she does not do this normally. She kept saying, I’ve never done this before.

I’ve been in business for this long, I’ve never done this before. I’m so sorry. Kept saying sorry. And like, we’ve all been in like shitty positions where like we either forget something or we mess up something, we’re late to something. We, we’ve all done that. And so like I could tell even when she was like looking at the dress and I was standing on the, on the podium or whatever, whatever you wanna call it, she was like holding back tears.

And I think she felt so embarrassed. And so then when we were booking the next appointment, she was like shaking. I remember seeing her hand shake ’cause she was so embarrassed. And I go, Hey, it’s okay. I was like, it’s fine. Like, we are good. You did a great job. And I was like, can I hug you? And I was like, I remember that.

I’m like, I, she was just like, I don’t even know what she said, but like, I was like teary-eyed because I was just like, I feel, 

Ivette : I feel like the tears coming right now because no bride does that. Like, that just like says so much about your character and like, not to like, you know, whatever, kiss your butt.

But no, seriously, like. It’s your wedding dress. Every little girl dreams about getting married and like having the perfect dress and you have a situation and at the end of it, instead of, you know, taking your dress, going somewhere else, you’re being like, I, I better get this for free. Like none of that. It was, Hey, you did a great job.

And I remember you asked her for a hug and she was like, yes. And you, I saw you guys hugging and I remember looking at your mom and we were both like, just so moved by that. And it was just so sweet to see and yeah, such a good story. And when we left, there was still blood on the dress. Like you said that she cleaned it all up.

She didn’t get it all off. Like there was still blood on the dress. Do you remember that? A lot of spots, I think. Yes. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think ’cause I was just like. Why, and I don’t know where this comes from, but I’m like, why make someone feel worse? Mm-hmm. And she, she probably feels terrible right now that she like messed up or forgot or, you know, she’s so embarrassed because I read these stories with these bridezillas and honestly, most stories that get sent to me aren’t bridezilla stories.

They’re mostly like family related, whatever. Um, but you read them and you’re like, why make someone feel bad for like a mistake or an accident or you know, like, like I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, I know you have two and it’s like you’ve seed stuff like that too. People are terrible to people in the service industry.

People are terrible to anyone that’s just trying to help them out. And I’m like, I would feel awful leaving knowing that she was like crying because of that situation. I want her to be like, no. I’m still your customer. You’re, you’re busy. You do a great job. I obviously came to you because you were recommended by me.

I’m not gonna leave like a bad review or anything. The dress ended up looking gorgeous. Like, I loved that dress. I still love it. Um, but yeah, I feel like that’s like a, I think it’s like, there’s so many heightened emotions around weddings and I feel like it’s so easy to lose your cool. Of course, like you hear about it all the time, but you to remember like the people you’re working with are human too.

Like they’re allowed to make this. Yeah, absolutely. 

Ivette : Yeah. I’ll never forget it. Yeah, I knew, I was like, no, she hugged her. I remember she asked for a hug, 

Christa Innis: and honestly, that’s kind of, I shouldn’t say out of my character to ask someone for a hug, but like a str like a stranger. I know Something came over me and I was just like, she need, she really needs a hug right now.

And I just felt, ’cause I just, I remember just seeing her handshake as she was like writing the next appointment and I go, Hey, we’re we’re, it’s okay. We’re fine. Yeah, yeah. Wedding day will be great. Like, honestly. And she was like so sweet and she was like, send me pictures of the dress and, you know, all that.

And, um, yeah, I don’t know. 

Ivette : I just, she probably went home that day to like tell her family and then she probably said like, how great you were. And like, I can’t believe it. She hugged me at the end, end and I felt so bad. And, you know, thank God she was a good bride, you know, like a sweet person. Um, yeah, 

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

Yeah, I, yeah. And then she, she was great. I mean, I, and then I recommended, I feel like there’s a few groomsmen in her wedding that went to her and Bridesmaids. ’cause I was like, go to her. She’s great. She’s local for some of us and yeah, she was awesome. Yeah, she was very like, like you said, she was a grandmother, so she’s very grandmother like, motherly, like very sweet.

Like that. And I was like, I’m not about to make someone feel bad for that. Yeah. It’s crazy. I’ve like really never talked about it just ’cause like. I, I never would want it to get back to her like I was like talking about a mistake. 

Ivette : Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: But obviously I’m not gonna like, I’m not gonna say the name or anything, but that.

She was amazing and, you know. 

Ivette : Yeah. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: I remember that. 

Ivette : Mm-hmm. 

Weddings, Family, and the Wisdom of Hindsight

Christa Innis: Um, okay. I think there’s like a couple more here. Okay. Would you rather relive wedding planning with your current emotional tools? Or do it all again with zero coping skills? These are so wild. 

Ivette : No. Why? Yeah. Do it now. I would do things so differently now.

Christa Innis: What would you do different? 

Ivette : Um, I think I, I think I, I would try to set myself up for like successful marriage, but a part of me. I feel like I did like 80% of the things that I wanted, but I feel like I could have fought a little bit harder, like stood my ground on like, the 20% of the things that I really was like, I, I need to make sure I do this.

Like, I wish I would’ve incorporated, um, more like family in, in our ceremony. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Ivette : Uh, or, um, like more, uh, cultural traditions, although I did have those kind of elements, but even more of that and like embraced it and took pride in it. Um, but it’s all like a growth process. Like you’re, you’re growing, right?

You get married at some people, 20 some people, thirties, but you’re, you’re gonna be different in your twenties from your thirties. So yeah. Great. Obviously. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think about that too every once in a while. Like, what would I change? Honestly, I think most everything I, I’m still pretty happy with, but I feel like I was really.

Not con, concerned is the wrong word, but with like the guest lists and stuff, like where I made cuts, I’m proud of. I’m proud of how we were with some of it. ’cause I’m like, oh, if Zach and I had gotten married, like when we first started dating, let’s say 23, 24, it would’ve been a completely different guest list.

I think way bigger. I was gonna say your guest list would’ve been huge. Yeah. I just feel like, ’cause at that point it’s like everyone’s your best friend. I feel like wedding party would’ve been way different. I feel like more of a yes girl. Like, okay, yeah, yeah, let’s do that. We probably would’ve had a, rely more on parents for help or for, you know, different things.

And I just feel like that changes as you get older. If you’re like, you’ve been to more weddings, so you’re like, okay, I like that. I don’t like that. This is my style. That’s not, but there were still outside of that, there were still like people that we invited and then we were like, never talk to them again.

Yeah. And we were like. Just, we invited them ’cause they were like friends of a friend. Mm-hmm. And then I, I was like looking back, so I was like really strict with like, other than our nieces and nephews, I didn’t invite anyone under 21. And I had some like cousins that were like middle teens. Mm-hmm. And I’m like, I wish I would’ve invited them.

I don’t know if a lot of them would’ve come ’cause they, like, they would’ve had a fly and stuff. Yeah. But I’m just like, I kind of wish I invited like all my cousins. Sure. 

Ivette : That makes sense to 

Christa Innis: me. Again, like yeah. Different, if they lived all here, I then, you know, they would’ve all come, but 

Ivette : Yeah. Yeah. I definitely wish I would’ve had more of like my cousins in our wedding party.

’cause we had, you know, I don’t, I didn’t, I have a little brother who’s way younger than me, but all of Matt’s siblings, they were in the wedding party. But I grew up with my cousins who were like my siblings. So I. I had one of my cousins in there, but I wish I would’ve had the other three siblings ’cause they’re like my brothers and sisters.

And that’s something that I’m always like, Ugh. And I asked, I asked actually my cousin last minute, I was like, please. He’s like, okay, what do I need to bring Eva? Like, what do I have, what do I have to wear to match your, your bridal party? And so we made it work, but I wish I would’ve done it like the right way from the beginning so that they felt like special.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. How does it’s like relationships change or like you visualize it a certain way or as you get, or, I feel like we get this idea in our head and then we’re like, why am I making it such a big deal? Like, just come in the wedding or, yeah. It’s like, yeah. No, I totally, I totally agree with that. I think too, like, it’s like, like we had our nieces and nephews in the wedding and I’m like, our one niece that I think at the time was 13.

Mm-hmm. Um, I was like, I wish I would’ve like. Had her like stand the whole time like, you know, with every, with all the bridesmaids and done something special like for her. And then I wish our nephews that weren’t in the wedding were like, had a special role or something. Yeah. So, yeah, I think it’s interesting, but we always think about those things.

Ivette : I think that, I think too, it probably changes out that we’re moms and we’re like family. 

Christa Innis: You know what I mean? 

Ivette : Yeah. Like family. I dunno. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Maybe that’s it too. I feel like, I don’t know, it’s like I still am very like firm on, ’cause this is one of those most controversial things, and this is a hot take.

Um, it’s a hot, I shouldn’t say a hot take from my end, but like what people, anytime I post a video about kids at weddings mm-hmm. It’s so like controversial. Mm-hmm. There are people that say it’s not a wedding if kids are not invited and there’s people saying, um, don’t invite your kids or don’t. Bring your kids to my wedding because I don’t want them there.

You know? So they’re just like polar opposites. I’m very like, I’ve been to weddings with no kids. They’ve been fun. I’ve been to weddings with tons of kids and they’ve been fun. Sure. Neither of them are going to affect, I feel like how the wedding is. It’s just like if the bride and groom want them there, but I stand is you don’t need your bosses kids there that you’ve never Right.

But if it’s kids that are like in your life and they’re important to you, then yeah, I feel like they should be there. Right. I don’t think it’s like, I feel like it should be a relationship thing. That’s where I’m at. ’cause some people are like, well if their kids are there, then mine should be there. And it’s like, well, do they know your kids?

Have you brought them around? How? Like Right. That kind thing. Just because there are some kids there doesn’t mean that everyone’s kids should be there. Yeah. No, I, I get that. Yeah. That’s my. That’s my 2 cents on that, so. 

Ivette : Oh, yeah. I agree a hundred percent. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I like, remember when my sister got married, she didn’t invite any kids, so no one, like under 18, I think.

Mm-hmm. And there were like certain family members that like, called my grandma, not even like my mom, but called like my grandma. And we’re like, why aren’t kids invited? And, and we’re talking like distant family members, like, we’re talking like my mom’s cousin mm-hmm. Talking about their kids who like, we barely saw.

Right. And they were like, well, when are the kids? Are the kids getting invited? And we’re like, when’s the last time they like talked to my sister? You know? So like, things like that were kind of weird, but, um, yeah. I don’t know. It’s interesting how people, yeah, you just gotta respect what the brain groom want, I guess.

When a Joke Isn’t a Joke

Mm-hmm. Okay. Before we get too far into this, let me read, don’t worry, this, this story is not as long as last ones. I know Last time our story was so long, so, so long. Here we go. 

Ivette : We almost, it was so long. You’re like, should we stop now and record the other half later? 

Christa Innis: No, I was like, do we need a part two?

Because so much happened. That was with that one. Oh gosh. If you guys haven’t listened all last episode with Eva, I don’t even remember what number it was. Mm-hmm. Um, I should look it up. But it was like the craziest story. Did she become like, it was like about a wedding influencer. 

Ivette : Mm-hmm. And it was like everything had to be, yeah.

Everything had to be to, she was using everything for her content. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. That was an insane story. So guys, go back and listen to episode 12. If you haven’t. Um, ’cause it’s wild. Okay. This week’s story, this is about my sister, the bride, and how one joke she made and did with me not showing up to her wedding.

Ooh, ooh, this is getting spicy. Okay. I’ve never heard it from this perspective. It’s always interesting hearing from a different perspective because, um, so many times I post stories and people are like, you know, you’re only getting one side of things. I’m like, yeah, well, it’s usually how stories work, right?

You only get one side. So I just have to take what that, what I can. So it’s interesting to kind of hear from another person. Um, okay. Honestly, I’ve gone back and forth about whether to even share this, but I’ve been sitting heavy on it. And I just need to get it out. I’ve been dealing with depression for years, therapy meds, good days and bad days.

The whole thing my family knows, especially my parents, but I don’t really talk about it too much. It’s just a lot. Anyway, my older sister got married recently. She’s always been the golden child, super loud, super confident, always the fun one at family gatherings. I’ve always been more low key, kind of quiet.

She doesn’t really understand mental health stuff. Never really tried to, but I don’t ex, but I didn’t expect her to be cruel. A few weeks before the wedding, we had the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant. Why is the rehearsals dinner her a few weeks before? That’s interesting to me. Mm-hmm. Or the week of, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Um, just close friends, family and her fiance’s family. She got out to do a test run of her thank you speech, trying to be funny. I don’t know. Then she said this. Huge thanks to my sister for showing up tonight. We were starting to think they’d never crawl out of their sad little dungeon depression Boss level.

Finally defeated. What? No. What? No. That is terrible. 

Ivette : Yeah. That’s so many different. That’s so bad. They dungeon depression. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I, so she’s basically calling you out in front of everybody. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And especially the fact that she never even tried to understand your depression or talk to you about it or like be a sister to you.

Yeah. And instead is just trying to embarrass you. Oh my gosh. Okay. Everyone left. Full on left and I just sat there frozen, literally didn’t know what to say. After dinner. I pulled her aside and told her straight up, Hey, that wasn’t okay. That joke hurt. And she goes, oh my God, are you serious right now?

It’s just a joke. Get over it. You act like you’re the only one with problems. I didn’t even reply. I just left. Okay. There’s like a lot, I mean, that’s that typ, I shouldn’t say typical. Typical is like the wrong word to say, but that’s that kind of attitude of like, get over it. Mental health’s not real.

You’re fine. We all have issues. You know, it’s like 

Ivette : I 

Christa Innis: just 

Ivette : feel like all of her sister’s hard work. If you already know, like if you know that, okay, I can’t believe you’re here. I’m shocked that you left your dungeon, whatever. I’m shocked you left your bedroom. What makes you think that saying that is gonna make her come out again like that probably took so much courage and shows, oh, I love you, so I’m coming to support you, my sister.

And that’s how you repay her by making fun of it. So what? So you can get a couple laughs in at your wedding and make you look funny, make you look good on your wedding day and, and now look at that like now your sister’s not there. 

Friends and Family Cross the Line

Christa Innis: Yeah. So I know it’s, it’s like they say your, your friends are your, what is that term about like, your friends are sometimes your, like first bullies.

Mm-hmm. So like if her, I mean obviously she’s, I’ve never heard that. I’ve never heard that, but that makes a lot of sense. I see that all the time because I, maybe I made up that. Tell me if I took that from somebody because my, I would always say my friends were my first bullies friends, like that I had in like elementary school, specifically one in high school.

We can get to that because she always pretended to care about me. Like, and then, but she was the first one to put me down in a group. She was the first one to make fun of me, first one to leave me out. First one I remember being at a friend’s house and they were all drinking and I wasn’t, and she like, literally made fun of me and then went back to school and said that I was a, like a narc for not drinking.

Ivette : Yeah, I, as the, as a therapist, like being in that world and having adolescents come to me, I hear that all the time, makes perfect sense. Like, your closest friends are your first bullies or like your friends are your, your bullies. And it’s like, it’s almost more dangerous. Um, ’cause like some, some people don’t recognize it because it’s like, oh, like they’re my friend that they’re obviously not actually bullying me, but No.

Yes, yes, a hundred percent. Um, so yeah. So it sounds like, yeah, the sister’s definitely the bully in the situation and yeah, she has to pay the price. 

Christa Innis: No, no, I was just say because yeah, I feel like it, like you said, it is more dangerous because it’s, that’s striving to be liked, especially depending on the age.

Like you’re striving so hard to be liked and you want that relationship, right? And so you see the good times with this person, or they’re including you in things, right? So you’re unable to see like, oh, they’re including me because I’m the butt of the joke, or, you know, right. Is and, and it’s kind, and this is very like, I don’t know what’s the word, but like, it’s like when you’re, like, if you’re in a bad relationship with someone and you can own, you can see the good moments and you’re like, you guy, you like push past the bad moments, like toxic or abusive or something.

You’re like, oh, but he brought me flowers the next day. So it’s like a friend like that, like. Like that friend I had in high school, it was like, she was so, like when I was the only one, oh my gosh, there’s Christa, oh hey girl. Oh, you wanna go shopping tonight? Oh yeah. But then if there was other people around, it was like, I was like pushed aside, I was made fun of, I was talked about behind my back.

Um, and yeah, that’s kind of, I mean, she doesn’t say that she has any kind of relationship with her. Right. So it sounds like they just are completely different personalities. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay, so she says. I didn’t even reply. I just left a couple days before the wedding. I texted her and said I wouldn’t be coming.

Kept it short. Told her I wasn’t feeling well, and wished her a beautiful day. She called me immediately flipping out. See, it’s like now she wants her there. She wants that body there. Yeah, because it looks bad if she doesn’t have her sister. Like why doesn’t she mm-hmm. Have that person? She said I was being selfish making her wedding about me, and that I ruined everything over.

One little comment. Now my parents are mad too. Apparently I’m the bad guy. The fact that her parents didn’t even back her up or be like, Hey, maybe don’t, don’t say that about your sister. 

Ivette : I think it’s, yeah, it’s problematic because the, it sounds like this other sister gets her way quite a bit like. Uh, just by like, she’s like the life of the party kind of thing.

And she probably like, is like not sneaky here and there, but she just like makes light of all the situations to get a laugh. And the parents are probably like, oh, it’s fine. Like, you know, your sister, but that doesn’t make it okay. Like, because you’re used to certain patterns or someone’s behavior does not mean that it is okay.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Ivette : And, um, yeah, I, 

Christa Innis: yeah, and I think poor girl. Yeah. I think too, if the sister, the other sister’s the golden child, ’cause she’s like, well liked quote unquote, and like very outgoing. Maybe she’s more friends and gets out and does stuff. They kind of put her on this pedestal, right? So like whatever she does can go, but I’m like, can’t you see your other daughter is like suffering right now?

And like mm-hmm. I 

Ivette : don’t 

Christa Innis: know. That would be 

Ivette : really, and it’s funny that you said like what the sister said was. Oh, I can’t believe, like, did you say she’s making it about herself or something? Like you would think she would apologize? 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Ivette : Like, I’m sorry, but there I didn’t hear an apology at all. It was all about like, 

Christa Innis: yeah, 

Ivette : yeah, 

Christa Innis: no.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, because she doesn’t care. I keep replaying it all like maybe did I, maybe, did I overreact? I don’t know. But also I was already struggling, and then to be laughed at like that in front of everyone, it just broke something in me. I couldn’t fake it. I couldn’t go and pretend everything was fine just to protect her perfect day, honestly.

I always talk about protecting your peace and if someone’s gonna bully you and say something like that to you. Yeah. It’s like you have to. I feel like she was doing the opposite, honestly. Mm-hmm. She wasn’t making it about herself. She’s like, I’m gonna excuse myself from this because if I go, I risk the chance of being humiliated again.

Maybe someone comes up to me and says, Hey, that speech was really funny from your sister. Mm-hmm. Or, Hey, how’s that whole you, you know, like there, it gives people permission then to keep going. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I’m proud of her. Good for you for standing your ground lady. Yeah. I, I agree. And it’s like, I feel like it’s, it’s complicated, like all this stuff.

Again, we’re only seeing and hearing one side, so if, if the sister were to write in, I’m sure she would say, right. I did, I did apologize. It was just a joke. Mm-hmm. And anyone that, even if it was just a joke, right, if someone’s calling to you and saying, your joke hurt my feelings and you can’t apologize.

You’re the problem That is a problem. Mm-hmm. Because like even if I were to be like, like make a joke to you right now, and I could tell it hurt your feelings, I’d be like, oh, I’m sorry. Like, I’m sorry I was Yeah. Joking at me in that way. Like, I would never want to hurt someone’s feelings that I care about.

Ivette : Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: You know, 

Ivette : my thing is something that I’ve learned to do for, um, just in general, when someone does make a joke that to me is not funny. Instead of like, I don’t know, like fighting them. Like, like instead of, sorry, instead of standing my ground or like defending myself, I’m like, why is it funny? Like, tell me why that’s funny.

And then they’re like, oh, and then they feel stupid because they realize like, oh, I was actually being an asshole, or I was kinda being a bitch about the situation. I’m not supposed to be swearing 

Christa Innis: because you don’t want to, or because I don’t want you to. Um, because I, you, you 

Ivette : blur, you, um, you. The source.

Yeah. Okay. No, you’re good. 

Christa Innis: That’s hilarious. No, um, I’ve actually heard that a lot and I’ve done, I’ve had to do that a couple times. When people say sexist or racist things, I go, I don’t understand. Tell me why. That’s funny. 

Ivette : Oh, yeah, 

Christa Innis: that’s 

Ivette : what, that’s what I mean all the time. I’m like, oh, why is that funny?

Tell it’s funny. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I actually had do that not that long ago. Someone was making a joke and I was like, I don’t understand. And then they like didn’t know what to say because then when they have to break it down, they realize how d offensive, ignorant. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. And then, and I think people learn like then not to say stuff around me and like, I just don’t put up with it anymore.

Craving Real Connection in a Digital World

Yeah. Good for you. The world’s full of enough hate, like I need to make it clear where I stand and I, yes. Joke like that. 

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Ivette : Chris is a girl’s girl, everyone, so always love. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t, we don’t make sexist or racist jokes around here. Yeah. Is that how the kids do it now? Yeah. Wait, how is it this? No. Oh gosh.

Wait. Oh, this. I can’t even do that. Yeah. If you guys are just listening, we’re trying to do this. Girl. I’m just gonna stick the T Swift part. I know 

Ivette : my 

Christa Innis: daughter, she does this because T 

Ivette : Swift, 

Christa Innis: so she, I love 

Ivette : it. 

Christa Innis: It’s funny, you know, like the thing about ask your kids to hold up a phone. Mm-hmm. Cle, my daughter started playing with, um, like pretending to do phone calls.

She has a fake phone. Yeah. Phone. She goes like this. She goes, and she’ll be like, she’s like, hi, spidey. Hi. It’s me. Bye. 

Ivette : I love that. 

Christa Innis: I’m like, oh my gosh, what happened? This, 

Ivette : I’m still 

Christa Innis: like, like the rotary? Yeah. Oh my gosh. My parents had a rotary in their room growing up and I’d be like, oh my gosh. Those 

Ivette : things were so 

Christa Innis: fun to play with.

I know. They were fun. I kind of wish we still had house phones, to be 

Ivette : honest. I keep telling Matt, my husband that yeah, we need, we need a house phone back. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, there’s like pros and cons. Like, I like being able to have a phone, like when we go on a walk or like when, when I don’t know. We are driving somewhere.

Right, sure. It’s like safety reasons, but like, yeah. Sometimes it’s just like nice to be like, I feel like, and I’ve, I think I’ve told you this before too, ’cause like you’ve apologized like, oh sorry. And I’m like, Ivette, you never have to apologize. You’re busy. I get it. Like I never want someone to think that like this is a walkie talkie and that like when I text you, you have to respond right away.

Like, I’m not summoning you. But I feel like there’s like this, like power phones have over us where we feel like, ah. Someone texts me like, I need to get back to them. And like, like I know my, my husband, like Zach has that where he’s like, if I don’t text them back, I feel like I’m like letting them down.

I’m like, people will live. Like if it’s not an urgent request, you can give it a day or two. And isn’t that crazy how that seems long for a text? 

Ivette : Yeah. Oh yeah. I, yeah, for me it takes me ages, so I’m like, whatever. But yeah. That’s crazy. I mean, I feel like, yeah, I hate my phone. I feel like we just need to like, put our phones away as soon as we get home.

Um, don’t use ’em at the same time. I’m addicted to them, but I, I hate texting because I’m such a, like, I like. Connection with people and texting is so impersonal that I’m like, I don’t like it. Like yeah. I would much rather do this FaceTime you call you, even like hear your voice. I much, I would much rather prefer that I’m like old school when it comes to that.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree. Like I feel like I don’t wanna tell big news or hear big, big news via text. Mm-hmm. And so I feel like, especially like with you, I feel like we’ll like catch up sometimes and then I’m like, I’d rather like really catch up like in person and like have our, our deep one-on-ones. ’cause I’m like, I feel like texting.

How’s it going? Is for like acquaintances? Yes. Like, hey, how’s it going? Oh, how, how’s everything? Okay, great. 

Ivette : It feels so not real. And I’m like, wait. Yeah. I wanna talk to you. I wanna see you. I miss you. Yeah, 

When Protecting Your Peace Makes You the Villain

Christa Innis: yeah, exactly. Let’s go beyond the surface. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. There’s a little bit, little bit more of the story.

Um, okay. It says, now she isn’t talking to me. It’s been a few weeks. No apology, nothing. Just silence. I keep wondering if I should have just sucked it up and gone for the sake of family peace or avoid the drama. But at the same time, I know how low I felt after that dinner. I know how hard I worked to just show up that night, like you were saying, and then to have her turn me into a punchline, like my pain was entertainment and the worst part, now I’m.

I’m the one everyone’s upset with. My parents say I embarrassed the family that I should have put my feelings aside for one day, but no one’s asking how I felt being laughed at in a room full of people. No one’s asking how hard it was to just be there. I don’t know what’s gonna happen with us. Maybe we’ll talk eventually, maybe we won’t.

That makes me really sad. It’s so hard 

Ivette : because I see both sides a little bit now because it is your big day. You want your sister, but like, if, if that would’ve been the case, then you would’ve apologized and you would’ve been like, shit. I um, I’m sorry. You would’ve said, I’m sorry. Um. And try to mend the relationship so that your sister could go to the wedding.

But I’m on her side, like, you should not feel bad about this. I’m so proud of you again, for standing your ground. And like you said, like they no longer have any ammo to keep doing this to you because now everyone can recognize like, oh no, she’s serious. Like and good for you. Like, yeah, there’s this thing, the like, the Let Them theory or like the, you know, the book, like let them, yeah.

And it’s a little like, just let them, that’s okay. And they’ll live. You’ll live. And hopefully in the future, if it’s supposed to be fixed, it will be fixed. And I hope that you get your apology, but you know, you might not. But what I hope for most is that you can forgive your sister because, which takes a lot of work, but you don’t need an apology to forgive someone.

But if you don’t forgive someone. It’s gonna be eating at eu, that other person’s gonna be living their life not even thinking about it. Does that make sense? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s why you’re the professional. Yeah. I’m just here to chat. And you like guys, Ivette is, uh, an official, like you 

Ivette : are official. I got my certificate in the mail.

I’m like, yay. 

Christa Innis: Yes. What’s your like, official like title for everyone that’s listening? Licensed professional counselor. So she can give actual advice. I mean, I’m sure like you, there’s like stipulations that you can’t give. Yes. You’re right. Like this is general. I 

Ivette : actually can’t give advice. I’m more like, you go girl, what are we doing?

What are you In general? Yeah. ‘

Christa Innis: cause you’re, they’re not your client. You’re just giving like your professional. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. No, I love that. I. Because I can listen to this story, right. And I can be like, I know what I would do in certain situations, right? Well, one, I in the, I wanna be the little sister that would bully.

I would never call someone out like that. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I get what you’re saying too. It’s like I’ve always, I’ve, I’ve been the people pleaser before too, where you just suck it up and you attend. It is more complicated when it’s a sister versus a friend. Like, yeah, 100%. If a friend treated me like that, I’d be like, I don’t think I can go to the wedding.

I mean, everything’s so complicated. It’s like Right. The whole story. We don’t know the details. Right. We don’t know. We’re not her. And the fact is that she made the best choice for her. And right now it’s gonna be hard looking back and being like, did I overreact? Why do they all act like I’m the villain now?

Because I didn’t show up. But in reality, she, she stuck it to like, I mean, she really held from on her boundaries, which not a lot of people can say. I don’t think I would’ve been that strong. Yeah. Someone did that to me. I’m like, trying to think if, if, if I’m only taking this information right here, I probably still would’ve gone to the wedding.

Yeah. 

Ivette : And I would’ve probably gone. That’s the people pleaser coming out. And I am, I am that way too. And it’s funny that I say that ’cause I don’t think, I really don’t, I feel like you say, oh, I used to be such a people pleaser, but I’ve seen you work so hard on your boundaries, like setting boundaries and being like, because I know, I know your boundaries.

So I know like, I don’t wanna say like what I can get away with or what I not, but like I know what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable, like around you. And I respect it even more for that. 

Christa Innis: What 

Ivette : boundaries do I have that 

Christa Innis: you 

Ivette : can’t do around me? Um, oh no. Uh, I feel like with, not really with me. I just like.

Respect your privacy, respect that like, you don’t want, you know, you’re protective over your daughter and it makes me respect you more, but also with like, family dynamics or like friend, like, you know what I mean? Like different kind of things. Like you’re firm in that and I’m like, I love you for that. So that’s, yeah.

Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like I, I always try to say like, I’m a recovering people pleaser, like I’m better saying like, no to things or like, I know like right off the bat, like, like if Zach’s like, oh, we were invited to this and this, and I’ll be like, that doesn’t sound like something I’m, that would interest me, or I wanna spend my time doing, like, we were talking today about like, valuable friendships or like where we wanna spend our time.

Right? And, and this is not to sound in a certain way, but like, if it’s, let’s say it’s like an old friend of Zach’s that I never met from years ago. It’s like, let’s catch up and get dinner. I’m like, you go have fun. Like I, you take all night. Do your thing, I’ll stay home. Like that’s just for me, that’s just, I’d rather be home.

But if it’s like, let’s catch up with our good friends and like have a date night. Yeah. I’m in. Yeah. So it’s like really like spending time of like, what’s gonna bring you joy and, ’cause I feel like a lot of times in my twenties, like I would just say yes to things because like someone would invite us and we’d go Yeah.

And I’d be like, I wanted to stay home and I didn’t listen to myself. Yeah. And now I’m just like, no, I wanna do this. Or um, yeah. And I feel like, I feel like it’s just we have to listen to those, those gut feelings ’cause they’re there for a reason. 

Ivette : Yeah. No, yeah. That’s good. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: I think I say something else.

You were saying something else and I was like, oh yeah, that’s a good point. Um. I think too well, yeah, about like boundaries and stuff. Like, so many times people think like if you have a boundary, you’re like rude. And I think that’s what I told myself this whole life, this whole life, this whole life. When I was younger, like I didn’t know what boundaries were.

Right? And I thought, like if people said no, like you’re rude, like they’re gonna talk bad about you. But in reality, like if you just say things respectfully or like you just carry yourself in a certain way, people then just kind of like learn like, oh, like this is not what, like is okay with this person or just don’t, you know, say this around this person or mm-hmm.

You know, that kind of thing. Like, 

Ivette : like back to what I said, I think when you start to implement boundaries in your life, like it, it equals respect because people recognize like, oh, they respect themselves enough to like stand up for themselves, that it makes them. Hopefully respect them, and if not, like, then they’re cut off.

You know what I mean? But essentially, like what it does is it builds respect and I, yeah, 

Christa Innis: yeah, yeah. Because yeah, I think I would’ve like in the, like if this happened to me in my twenties or something, like whether it was like my sister or a friend of mine or something, right. I think I would’ve gone, and then I would’ve like let it eat at me and I would’ve just held onto this, like you said, like if you don’t, it would just like affect you.

Like you would just hold onto it. And then like every little thing they would do would probably make me mad or I would just hold onto this grudge and it would probably just be bigger. Um, and yeah. ’cause there were friendships I held onto for a long time that were like, they were awful to me. Awful. And like, I could, I can still think about all the things I did.

And then literally, it was like one day in my like mid twenties, I was just like, I’m not gonna call that person. And then they didn’t call me and it was just kind of just like, yeah, hard time. Um. But yeah. So yeah, I mean, I’m, after her kind of describing how she all felt after it. I don’t blame her one bitch.

She knew what, what she needed to do to protect her peace in that moment, and I would never, I won’t ex, if I were her, I won’t expect apology. An apology. Mm-hmm. It doesn’t sound like the sisters want to apologize if she can’t see why you’re hurt now. Unless she grows a lot over the next, you know, year or so.

I don’t know. Maybe 

Ivette : it’ll happen, you know, that there’s gonna be some kind of conversation in the future about this, your sisters, you know, like, 

Christa Innis: yeah. 

Ivette : Yeah. It’s not 

Christa Innis: happen. It’s complicated. 

Ivette : Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: All right. That was a crazy story, and that was sad. Sometimes they end and they’re sad, and I’m just like, like, you know, I, I make these like skits online and they’re so like, drama filled and they’re entertainment, but like, deep down, a lot of these stories, there’s so much like heartbreak and hurt.

Like I make them in an entertaining way that’s like goofy characters. Right, right. But there’s so much heartbreak and hurt in a, all of these stories that it’s just like to go through this. Like, I don’t know how some of these people go through these things and just like, move on. Like how family members are terrible to them and they have to like show a brave face.

Like, I, I don’t know. I don’t know how they do it because it’s, I feel very lucky that I’ve never had to deal with something like super intense, like these stories. 

Ivette : Yeah. Yeah. Same. I, I don’t think I’ve had anything too crazy like that either. Like I can, I can sit here and like look at my life and complain about this, this, and that, but in reality, no.

Like. My parents, my extended family, my immediate family, my husband, my in-laws, like they’re actually really good to me. Like really lucky. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That’s awesome. All right, let’s end on some weekly confessions here. I’ve been on a high note. Yeah. I mean, we’ll say these confessions go, but we can, I know you’re fine.

Okay. Um, my husband’s mom walked around, I’m guessing at their wedding, telling everyone she wasn’t taking pictures with me. I

Why? What bit, why deliberately do that though? You just want someone to ask questions. Like, why, why don’t you like her? 

Ivette : Like. Yes. She’s evil. She’s the, what is it? Momzilla? Yeah. Yeah. Mm. 

Christa Innis: Funny. 

Ivette : Monster. Monster in-law. Monster. That’s what it, that’s what it is. 

Christa Innis: Why do, why are they like that? Um, this one says, I wish I’d had the guts to tell my bestie not to bring his attention.

Seeking girlfriend. Oof. Ugh. That’s complicated. That’s complicated. Complicated. We’ll leave it at that. Yeah. I just read a story. I think it’s coming out in a well, by the time your episode comes out, it’ll already be out, but it’s a similar story. Well, I mean, this one’s really short, but where it’s like a guy, girl best friend.

They like say best friends for years through marriage and like kids. Mm-hmm. Well, her on her side, marriage and kids. And then when he goes to get married, it’s like a girl that like hates her and it’s like this weird relationship. And so like, I feel like that’s like complicated and it’s like, hmm. Okay.

Last confession. My flower girl was absolutely out of control at my wedding. Her parents did nothing. Watch your kids. Ugh. 

Ivette : I get that. Like a kid’s gonna be a kid. Sure, but you gotta watch your kids. Like a kid’s gonna be a kid, but the parent has to be a parent. Like you wanted a kid, you gotta parent the kid.

So I, yeah, 

Christa Innis: fair enough. That’s one of the biggest things I see is like the kids aren’t the problem. It’s when the parents don’t watch the kids at the wedding. That’s the problem. I mean, but that’s like all circumstances, right? It’s like. I could go to a restaurant with my child and she could pick up like a box of creams and just throw it all over.

And I just look at them. I’m like, whatever. She’s a kid. Or I’m like, no, we’re gonna get on the floor. We’re gonna pick ’em up. Right, right. And so it’s like showing her, um, like, ’cause I was, I, I was just telling my husband, like, we were at the library and like there was, um, and again, like, I don’t want this to come off like I’m judging because we’ve all been in situations where like, we’ve left a place and we’re just like, wait, did I, did I pick up whatever?

But like, we were at the library and this little boy’s just throwing stuff, like literally throwing like, there’s like a crate of toys. He’s in there throwing it. The mom’s like kind of around, kind of on her phone. Phone, yeah. Walking around. She, and then she finally sees him and, and I’m there with like my friend and our, our kids and we’re like reading a book to them.

And he’s throwing stuff. It’s like hitting the girls and I’m like just kind of grabbing it. I’m like, oh, ha ha. Like trying to make light of it. She walks over, finally sees him and she’s like, oh, you made a mess over here. So I’m thinking she’s gonna sit there and be like, this is how we clean up. All of a sudden they’re just gone and the other, no, they’re on the other side of the library, so they’re still there.

Ivette : Like, Hey, you got this, or 

Christa Innis: Thank you. Literally it was like, you’re fine. And then like a minute later, then he’s like pulling books off the shelves and he was like old enough to know better. Like it wasn’t like a one or 2-year-old. Yeah, like, and so it was one of those things where I’m just like, kids are gonna be kids.

Absolutely. Like I would never fault a kid for like throwing stuff or like pulling books off, but it’s like, take that risk step. So that is like kind of the risk you have with having a flower girl, but also like the parents are there. Yeah. Step in a little bit. Yeah. 

Ivette : And like moving, like moving forward your next wedding.

No, but like, just a tip for other people is like having guidelines for the parents. Like, Hey, you know, she’s a little young. Could, could you, like, if you see her maybe like doing this or that, could you kind of like redirect her and help her out? That would be like a good conversation to have. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. All right. Well that is all we have for this week. Um, what exciting things do you, do you want to share? What’s, what’s going on? I’m going to Norway. I’m so excited for you. 

Ivette : You knew that. Yeah. If you didn’t know that, I did know that. That’d be really bad. Yeah. And my best friend, um, is one of my best friends is selling her house.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Ivette : She lives in Wisconsin and she’s moving to Huntley. You.

I was like, you’re like, who the hell are you talking about? 

Christa Innis: I was like, Tamika’s moving. She lives in Wisconsin. Um, I’m taking all that out, by the way. Okay. Don’t ever talk about where I live. Oh, 

Ivette : okay. You’re okay. No, you’re fine. Don’t ever talk about where I live. 

Christa Innis: No, I’m saying I don’t talk about where 

Ivette : I live.

I’m kidding. 

Christa Innis: There you go. That’s really funny though. Um, all right. Thank you so much for coming on. It’s always so funny. You know, it’s fun. Like, this was like three months last time you Oh, you came on last fall. Remember? Yes. Before you even 

Ivette : had a podcast. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, we 

Ivette : got this last year. 

Christa Innis: We like did it in the future.

Um, all right, well, I guess this is it. Thanks for having me. How do we say goodbye? Uh, I’ll see you soon in person. Can’t wait. Oh, yeah. I’ll see you next weekend. Okay. All right. Bye. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye bye.

by Christa Innis

Relationship Red Flags, Family Dynamics, and a Shocking ICU Revelation with Kate Gray, LMFT

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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“You’re just the mother of his child.”

That one sentence cut deeper than any legal document could fix. When a tragic motorcycle accident left her partner in a coma, our storyteller learned the hard way what “not being married” really meant. What followed? A secret wedding, a livid mother-in-law, and a decades-long family rift and guest Kate Gray dissect this jaw-dropping submission with raw empathy, real questions, and a heavy dose of “WHAT just happened?” They unpack what happens when legal ties or the lack of them collide with family loyalty and personal boundaries.

Also in this episode: ruined wedding invites, Karen-level MIL energy, and the emotional weight of doing what’s best for your own future  even if it means letting go of your past. If you’ve ever doubted whether the legal stuff really matters, this story will have you rethinking everything.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:11 Discussing Complicated Family Dynamics

01:51 Guest’s Professional Background

02:32 Marriage and Family Therapy Insights

08:00 Wedding Planning Stress and Family Dynamics

17:11 Rapid Fire: Red Flags or Normal Stress?

36:45 Navigating Family Boundaries

37:36 Story Submission: A Life-Changing Accident

40:42 The Aftermath and Family Dynamics

49:59 Reflections on Marriage and Family

54:58 Confessions and Regrets

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Life-Changing Crash – A traumatic brain injury left her partner in a coma… and her completely powerless.
  • Locked Out of the ICU – Despite living together and raising a child, she was denied access to his medical care by his own mother.
  • Secret Wedding Surprise – They threw a barbecue that turned into a surprise wedding… and the MIL didn’t know until the cake rolled out.
  • Family Fallout – What followed was over a decade of strained family dynamics, emotional boundaries, and financial detangling.
  • Power of Legal Ties – Kate and Christa explore how love, legality, and next-of-kin status affect real lives in unexpected emergencies.
  • Enmeshment & Control – What happens when parents can’t emotionally separate from their adult children?
  • Boundaries vs Protection – Should you tell your partner everything—even when it might hurt them?
  • MIL Chaos Strikes Again – Christa shares the viral story of a MIL destroying wedding invites out of spite.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “The wedding is kind of the test… the precursor to the marriage.” – Christa Innis 
  • “You’re starting your own family—and you have to get in the habit of making decisions for that family.” – Christa Innis 
  • “This is your moment. You can be a little selfish.” – Christa Innis 
  • “You never think about what happens in a tragedy… until you’re in one.” – Christa Innis
  • “Do what you want. Everyone else will get over it.” – Christa Innis
  • “Marriage means someone else is making huge decisions about your health—this stuff matters.” – Kate Gray
  • “You can have boundaries as adults. You don’t have to be terrorized in your own home.” – Kate Gray 
  • “It’s wild how many of these stories come down to family systems and emotional enmeshment.” – Kate Gray 
  • “People are shocked to find out these things have names—and that they’re not alone.” – Kate Gray 
  • “When it comes to relationships, there isn’t always one truth—but there is one choice: yours.” – Kate Gray

About Kate:

Kate Gray, better known online as Codependency Kate, is a couples therapist, married mom, and refreshingly real voice on all things relationships. With a deep understanding of family systems, emotional boundaries, and the unspoken chaos behind “normal” wedding and marriage dynamics, Kate offers the kind of education you wish someone had given you sooner. Her mission? To help you stop blaming yourself and start understanding the why behind your relationship struggles. Kate doesn’t just talk theory, she gets into the messy, emotional, behind-the-scenes stuff that can make or break partnerships, especially when family dynamics, trauma, or toxic in-laws get involved. Her content bridges the gap between formal therapy and real-life application, empowering listeners with language, tools, and clarity to protect what matters most.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Kate. Thank you for being here. Hi, nice to see you. I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Yes, I’m so excited. Like I was saying before we started recording, you came up on my feed strolling and you were talking about difficult relationships with mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. And you talk about so many complicated relationships in marriage and family.

And so that’s why I thought you are perfect to come on because we see a lot of these issues, I should say, I dunno if that’s the right term, but come up in these stories that we read. And so I thought from a professional standpoint and we can kind of, you know, chat about other stuff as well. But um, before I get too into my fangirling and being really excited about your work, can you just tell us a little bit more about yourself and what you do?

Kate Gray: Yes, so I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I also make content under the handle codependency, Kate. Um, I’m so passionate about education. Like you said, there’s, these are huge issues and people don’t really talk about them except venting to their friends. You know, people don’t really understand the background behind things.

Family Drama Starts with “I Do”

And when I was in school to be a therapist, I was learning all this stuff. I was like, oh my gosh, everyone needs to know this. Why am I. Learning this now, this is so important. And so that’s when I started posting on social media, was in grad school to purely educate. And it’s just kind of turned into a thing, especially around, um, estrangement specifically, um, just because there’s so many, there’s so much stuff happening between marriages and in-laws.

It’s so complicated and complex and no one knows what to do. And so I just try to zoom out and educate people on family systems theory and dynamics so that they can be more informed, take this information to their friends and family, to their own relationships. Obviously parallel to a, um, you know, going to a therapist themselves.

But, uh, yeah, so that’s what I just try to do with the platform that I have.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I think that’s so good because like I was saying, in so many of these stories, it’s like. Something might happen completely outta left field. Like the husband could have a great relationship with his mom, great relationship with his fiance, and the second, you know, they get engaged or get married, there’s a flip.

Yes. Um, and so I think a lot of times people don’t know to prepare for that or like how to prepare for that. So is this something that you see a lot in your work where there it’s just kind of like, um, or you’ve studied a lot in your work where it’s like there’s a, there’s a switch because it’s a dyna, like a power shift and it’s like, oh, he has a new family.

Like where does that come from? Sometimes,

Kate Gray: yeah, it’s tough. It’s, you know, every situation is different, but it’s also not, you know, there’s definitely themes at play. Um, you know. What I have seen in my work with clients. So, ’cause it’s different, my work with clients and then a lot of stories I hear online, you know, there’s very different audiences here, but I’ve definitely seen this a lot.

I think what happens is, yes, there is a different, a totally different dynamic at play. I think what happens is an outsider coming in, it kind of reveals existing dysfunction or existing, um, power imbalances. Just very complex, complex, nuanced things that have existed for a long time. It’s all people in this dynamic know, like say the, a new husband and his mom, they’ve been in this dynamic, you know, his whole life.

He, it’s all he’s known, but then his wife comes into the picture and it kind of challenges that relationship and it shouldn’t, in healthy families, it doesn’t. It’s a, you know, a new daughter-in-law, for example, is a welcome addition. There’s the things are already set up to be successful, but in it’s, again, in these dysfunctional dynamics when things go awry, when a new person’s introduced.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I find, and not to like, I don’t know, if not oversimplify as a thing, but not, or not to group some, I should say. Right. I find a lot of times in the stories, I feel like the husband or the partner, the male partner I should say, in heterosexual relationships. Yeah. Seems to be very, um, I don’t wanna say docile, but he seems to be like passive.

Yeah. Like more passive. Like, we don’t hear a lot of him in the story. It’s more of like, he’s go with the flow. And so like, I think it’s. He grows up, he’s good with the flow, he pleases, you know, he is good to his parents. And then if there’s someone in comes in and she’s maybe a little more strong headed or she’s not afraid to like stand up for herself, I find that’s when there’s usually like a.

Some that’s, there’s buffer contention. Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Gray: Uhhuh, are you saying, um, between her and his family or, yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Or like, yeah, if like, the mom’s kinda used to, you know, the son being very like, go with the flow and, um, I just find a kind common theme, like when I have people on here and we react to these stories, they’re like, where’s the partner?

Where’s the fiance? You know, you hear like, this bride rides in and she’s like, this happened, or like, the mother-in-law cornered me or she yelled at me and they’re like, where’s the fiance?

Kate Gray: And it’s kind of no position. And that is the question that is the question I asked too. Because he’s not necessarily in the middle, but he is the link between her and his family.

She, you know, I did a video where I drew this kind of in a, not a di, like a, it’s called a genogram, where you just kind of draw it and she, there’s the parents up top, the son below them, and then she’s to the side of him. You know, like she’s not another child of his parents and they’re not totally separate and she, you know, so roles are very important.

The concept of roles. And that is the question is what is the fiance doing here? What is this dynamic? There’s a lot of reasons, you know, if you go a little deeper, there’s a lot of reasons why he’s that way, and that’s kind of the dynamic shift that has to happen. He has to step into a, a different role and that I, I guess, you know, a lot of men I think don’t talk about that.

General. Mm-hmm. So they just kind of are overwhelmed by these, these women, these strong-willed women. And, um, women can get a really bad rap when the real core issue is a more passive fiance in that role.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely makes sense. So one of the biggest things we were talking about in wedding stories is like the overbearing mother-in-law, or, you know, and, and it’s funny ’cause a number of times I’ll say like, it’s a mother-in-law, people immediately are like, well the bride’s mom is, you know, can be this way too.

And I’m like, well, mother-in-law could be either the groom or the bride’s mom. It’s just Oh yeah. Whoever’s perspective uhhuh. But so many times people hear mother-in-law and they just assume, oh, it’s the groom’s mom. Um, but I always like to like reiterate that. Yeah. So why do you think things like a planning a wedding, I’m sure it’s like high stress levels, but

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Bring out this controlling or kind of boundary pushing behavior on, on the mother’s part or parents’ part.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well I think what I have seen recently is there is there are very big generational differences in the concepts of weddings. Um, I think in the past, mothers in-law and, you know, grandmothers have planned the whole thing or, or they’ve waited their whole lives to do this for their child.

And the daughter, for example, hasn’t been very involved. Everything’s just been picked for her and it’s just done for her. Mm-hmm. Whereas now I think brides wanna be the bride. They wanna make those decisions and for her parents to, um, not just be more in the passenger seat or the backseat and her not be in the passenger seat or backseat.

So I think that’s one part of it. Um. And I think another part of it is that people have this idea of wedding planning being an amazing thing, and it’s so much fun and it brings everyone together. It brings out the best in everyone, and that it’s just not, it’s just not the case. It’s not the case. It’s kind of one of the first big family events that happens after, you know, high school graduation, college, you know, graduation or big family events.

So it can just bring out everybody’s stress responses. And people I don’t think are prepared for that. There’s a lot of management. There’s also. It’s a new stage for the fiances to come together on. That should be the point is to, this is kind of their first endeavor together where they’re managing all these things because the, the development stage that they are in as a couple from the family life cycle point of view is leaving and cleaving from their families of origin to come together.

So it’s this like detachment phase and I think that’s just really scary and unknown. There’s, there’s loss in it for parents. Mm-hmm. And so it’s just a whole thing that people don’t, aren’t

Christa Innis: prepared

Kate Gray: for.

Christa Innis: Right. And it’s so complicated. I’m sure you see it in your work all the time. ’cause it’s like definitely there’s nothing that’s black and white because Right.

I have heard stories where. Like the mother-in-law has cried over an engagement, but yes, maybe the partner really, really was terrible to their son or daughter. And so it’s just that that’s their reaction. So I wanna make people know too, like, it’s not, it’s not always the parent that they, they can see things too.

Like, okay, yeah, this person’s terrible to my son or daughter. And they’re scared.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And they’re

Christa Innis: scared. Yeah, absolutely. So, um, it’s definitely nuance. There’s so many different, um mm-hmm. Different aspects of that, but for couples that are maybe going through a difficult relationship with, you know, in-laws as they kind of move forward in the next stage, what, how did you recommend they set clear boundaries?

Um, you know, whether it’s before the wedding or kind of moving into their new life together so that there’s not like a total like blow up.

Kate Gray: It’s really tough, I think. The stuff is so hard for people to do on their own. They, I would really, I mean, I think therapists could have a whole like sector and there might even be one of like engagement counseling or like wedding planning counseling because it’s so stressful.

There’s so much to manage and it’s really easy for people’s stress responses and kind of lack of emotion regulation and, and all that stuff to come out. Mm-hmm. And there’s so much pressure and expectations and personalities to manage that. I think first of all, meeting, like having a therapist, having a third party that is separate from the family.

Like not necessarily a wedding planner ’cause they’re not qualified to be doing this stuff. But like, um, just I think being on the same page is the most important thing in this process, I think. ’cause from my experience too, people that have been married 10 years have trauma from their engagement and from their weddings with their in-laws, with their families.

Just with one partner. Not stepping up. Not stepping in, or one person doing too much. There’s, you know, it can be, it can magnify existing dynamic issues. And so getting married and, and having a wedding is not just about the wedding, it’s about starting a healthy dynamic. And, and kind of fixing things.

Maybe that, or just getting ahead of things that you don’t foresee, or just having someone guide you, I think is, takes a lot of pressure off figuring all of that out yourself, so, right.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I think a lot of couples see it as like, oh, it’s this big party, it’s gonna be easy. They don’t think about finances like putting together this big party where it’s like, yes, it’s not unlimited money, first of all.

Yeah. It’s like your first time maybe like putting money together for something big or uhhuh having people that are very opinionated from different sides coming together and, and that can be a stressor and mm-hmm. Yeah. Hearing a lot of these stories, I’m like, I feel so grateful that our families just got along well and like, I get along with my mother-in-law.

Great. And so it’s just, it’s, it’s difficult when, um. These relationships kind of come together and it’s like, okay, how do we make, you can’t make everybody happy, but how do we do the best at keeping, keeping as much peace as we can.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, yeah. And from, and from your, your perspective too, it’s like how much is keeping the peace too much like right.

Like when is it like, when are you bending over backwards

Kate Gray: too much? Exactly. Like when is it no longer about you? Mm-hmm. And I think that is what can be really sad in these situations is like. You know, if a bride, for example, is used to keeping the peace, but then for her wedding, she actually has all these ideas that she’s wanted and she’s used to caving.

And unfortunately, this is the one situation where like she’s shaking things up and it causes problems. You know, all her worst fears can come true in these situations. Um, so I am of the advocate of a wedding planner, a therapist, a you know, your bridesmaids, your groomsmen, everyone like supporting you, um, enlisting all the emotional support you can.

’cause it is just a, it’s really tough. It can, I won’t say like make or break something, but I think it’s just important to start off, you know, on a good foot with your in-laws and with your own family. ’cause it, you know. It can just set the tone for things. Yeah. Or it can be something to come back from.

And that’s just, that just sucks. That sucks. Oh, for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If you have a bad wedding experience, it can carry with you forever. Mm-hmm. I mean, some of these stories that, that were sent to me happened 20, 30, some 40, 50 years ago.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: On things. They’ll send me messages and be like, this happened. It was like, I don’t know, whatever.

It was like a cake was changed last minute and it was something that they couldn’t eat or, you know, whatever it was. Or flowers were changed or she was told she looked fat in her dress. You know, like there’s been so many crazy things that were sent to me and they’re like, I still remember it and I remember how I felt and, um.

Someone like, you know, if someone put them down. And so I feel like if you start on the, having that middle ground, like what you’re talking about, um, and it’s funny that you bring up wedding planner ’cause I had a wedding planner on once and she’s like, I feel like half the time I’m a therapist.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Literally. She, she should go to school. No, actually that is, she’s a buffer. I mean, they are a buffer between, you know, and I, I think they’re really valuable ’cause they have to advocate, you know, their, their job is what the bride and groom want. And so I think they can be really healthy. A really healthy addition to the planning crew.

Um, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh.

Red Flag or Just Wedding Stress?

Christa Innis: Okay. So I thought we would kind of switch things up a little bit. Yeah. Put together some rapid fire if you’re okay with this. Yeah. And it’s either a red, the options are red flag or normal stress. And if you wanna add a little bit to it, feel free. Okay. Um. Because I know, I don’t, I don’t wanna like put you in a corner or make you say something that you don’t wanna say either.

So, um, they’re just different like scenarios. And then just say if it’s a red flag or normal stress around what, okay. Okay. Okay. One partner says, let’s just do what my mom wants. It’s easier that way. Red flag. Red flag. Uh, the couple hasn’t had a single conversation about how they’ll split finances after the wedding.

Kate Gray: Ooh. Major red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s tough. Yeah. I feel like that comes up a lot with stories too, where it’s like, this is the first big event and then sometimes they just, like, they expect their parents to pay for everything and then they go to the next stage and it’s like, but then I didn’t realize like.

This happened, or we can’t afford this, or they’ve never discussed it before.

Kate Gray: No, it’s tough because you’re, you’re expected, you’re, you have these huge decisions that like only 10 year married couples are like, have the foundation to make, and you’re making them immediately upon this huge commitment. So yeah.

That’s just tough. And so those conversations in general are so important. Yeah. Yes.

Christa Innis: Uh, okay. The bride’s mom says this wedding is as much mine as it is yours.

Kate Gray: Oh. I mean, I think that’s normal. I think that’s like, that comes up so much probably. Um, but yeah. Or for the bride, that’s, that’s sad. That’s a

Christa Innis: red flag.

Yeah. Um, one partner wants kids some someday the other doesn’t, but they say they’ll figure it out later.

Kate Gray: That’s a major red flag. That’s not, yeah.

Christa Innis: I see that happen so many times. Really, I’ve seen it. I, not a ton in stories, but I’ve just seen it like, um, stories like people posted like that, like either eventually one like changes their mind and then they, one wants kids when they both didn’t want kids before.

And I’m sure that just like sometimes happens, but I feel like that’s, like, that was like one of the biggest things my husband and I talked about before, getting married to make sure, yeah, of course,

Kate Gray: age. Well that’s a compatibility issue. Like that’s a fixed thing that, um, isn’t, you know, that’s not a dynamic issue, that’s a fixed thing and it can be just a symptom of something deeper.

But how, you know, the question is like, how do you resolve things that y’all are fixed on that are opposite? You know, like even religion, faith can be part of that too. Like that you’re fixed on these things.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Kate Gray: you just think you’re gonna deal with it or it’s gonna get better. And that’s just, that’s, that’s definitely something to handle on the front end.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Um, the groom refuses to go to premarital counseling, counseling and says it’s a waste of time.

Kate Gray: Um, that’s tough. I mean, I, me, I’m like, red flag, red flag, red flag. But I, I think that’s probably very normal. I don’t know. Yeah. I think not going, not being open to counseling is a very much a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I mean, I feel like if they’re having, and you might know this better from your, your profession than Yeah. Me just, no, it’s okay. But if they’re having the kind of issues where counseling would come up before and then they, he brings it, she brings it up and he’s like, no, to jump in knowing they might need some kind of.

Kate Gray: Yeah,

Christa Innis: exactly.

Kate Gray: I mean, it’s like if y’all can talk about anything and you resolve problems, then like saying no to counseling is like, okay. I mean, ’cause we don’t need it to solve problems, but if it’s just like, no, because I don’t wanna talk about anything and I don’t want outside guidance, that’s, that’s the red flag of it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The couple always avoids hard conversations by joking or changing the subject.

Kate Gray: Um, see, these are tough because that seems so, I’ve just, that’s so normal. I think for early on in relationships, people don’t really know how to deal with stuff. So I think that’s normal. I think that that is definitely gonna come out in their marriage, that’s gonna be magnified by it.

But um, yeah, that’s not an, an unfixable issue that I would say that’s very normal, but it’s definitely not good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like you can. Only joke so long before, like, something’s gonna be hard, like curious. And you have, well,

Kate Gray: there, there’s something called, um, I mean, just to be all nerdy real quick, there’s something called pseudo hostility, like fake hostility.

It’s like, that’s what you’re talking about, like the joking.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And it is an indicator of like suppressed emotion and an inability to really resolve conflict and be vulnerable. Okay. So it’s like a really unhealthy dynamic and or like, um, behavior in general and it’s found in families. That’s where the term came from.

But, so it can be, it’s joking about real problems as an indicator of that, but again, it’s, it’s something that’s very fixable with a therapist or with just, you know, this podcast.

Christa Innis: So yeah, just chatting about it. Yeah, because I feel like I’ve known people before that are just very, like, that’s like their personality is like the comic relief.

So it’s like even when things are like serious, they like wanna throw a little like. Comic in there.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And that’s how comedians are born. Yeah. I

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a lot of, like, when you hear like deeper stories about comedians, it’s like a lot of times they just have to laugh to get through things,

Kate Gray: literally.

Yeah. And that’s, I mean, it’s not an unhealthy thing when you can do that. But if you only can do that and you can’t be vulnerable and you can’t talk about your feelings and you can’t receive criticism, for example, then that’s when it becomes an issue. And that’s when that term applies. It’s not just about joking and being funny, um, or even lightening the mood sometimes.

But if you can only do that when it’s tense, you know, you think about. People that like bust out laughing at like funerals and stuff. Like, it’s like there’s response. Yeah. It’s like, um, is that how, you know? It’s just those things just invite curiosity. It’s not to like pathologize people or to say, you know, if you do this, there’s something wrong with you.

It’s just an indicator of like, something to be curious about if you’re having issues in relationships or, or if, if this is a, a pattern for you.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I’m, I’m learning so much. Oh, okay. Um, a partner deletes texts from a parent they know that the other wouldn’t approve of, oh

Kate Gray: man, this is, these are so hard.

’cause they seem very normal. ’cause it sounds the person would be trying to protect their partner. I think people do this with good intention, but at the same time, I think that’s not a good habit to get into. In a marriage. So that’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. ’cause for someone like that, like if someone’s deleting texts, that means in some way they’re, and you can’t control the other, what the parent does, but in some way they’re allowing them to talk negatively about their partner.

Right. Right. Or they’re not setting us clear boundary of like, Hey, if you talked that way, we’re, we’re done. Yeah. Or we’re gonna limit.

Kate Gray: Yeah. No, a hundred percent. That’s right. But I also, on the other side of the spectrum, I have, in my experience with people, there’s been way too much transparency and this, their partner is like scarred for life by what the parents said.

Yeah. So there is like. Transparency isn’t necessarily, you know, there it, there’s nuance here. It just depends on what they’re saying, you know, like mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, I think the general, like the habit of deleting texts is sketchy and is definitely a red flag. Mm-hmm. In a relationship in general.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

That’s interesting. Yeah. You say that because Yeah, I know. I’m thinking about that now because, um, there was a story that a girl sent me, and this was not about a mean text necessarily, and actually podcast and she talked about it, but Oh, mother-in-law, um, yeah, she was anonymous. She turned the camera off.

Uh, so we reacted to her story and then she was like, maybe we’ll have a part two because I’m going dress shopping with her. And so I had her come on and kind of share what happened, but basically she was demanding to know the location of their wedding venue, and this was like. Far from where they lived.

They haven’t actually seen it personally yet. She’s like, well, I just wanna drive by and go see it. And they’re like, it’s a private property, you can’t. And she’s like, we sent you the location so you can kinda see pictures. And she goes, well, I delete texts. And she like went to this whole thing about how like, I delete texts, just tell me the address so I can show up and go.

And she kept pushing, pushing. It was like a long, crazy story, but she ended up like cornering her in the kitchen and was like, yeah, it was like this crazy thing. It’s still ongoing, like they haven’t gotten married yet, but, um,

Kate Gray: oh my goodness.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so the delete texted made me think of that conversation because um, she just said like.

She would, the mother would delete texts in her phones and then claim not to have it anymore. Claim to not know that because the text was gone.

Kate Gray: That’s weird. Never heard of anything like that.

Christa Innis: I know. I was like, does she, does she work for the

Kate Gray: FBI? Why? Yeah. Seriously. Is she a CIA agent?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So that was, wow.

Kate Gray: Interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But that was one where, on her episode where she came on, she talked about they, she went through a lot of therapy herself. So like they did a good job of like keeping up with boundaries. Yeah. And it was where her husband just had a hard time of like standing up to his mom because I bet.

And so used to like running the household and now this new strong female voice comes in and she’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’ve never been told no before, so, yeah.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Right. Which is, that’s a red flag. I’ll say that. Like, moms not being used to their adult children telling them no about things. That’s a red flag for Yeah.

Like when you’re, if you’re a fiance, you’re looking at your partner and their parent, and that’s the dynamic you see. It’s like that’s, those are, those are scary waters to enter into. Like you, that’s a scary situation. And I think their partners feel that, you know, they like get that sense. And I think that that brings out their own stress responses too.

Mm-hmm. Um, because there’s a powerlessness that children feel even when they’re adults with parents. Parents. And so that can just make them really scared and they, however they normally respond when they’re scared. So maybe they over control or they. You know, overcompensate in some ways. So it can just be tough.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. Okay. Um, this one says, the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding and won’t explain why

Kate Gray: the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding. Oh. And she won’t explain why. Yeah. That’s part of it. That’s the part of it. That’s the red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. They won’t explain why.

’cause I feel like you don’t need to have your sibling or your partner’s siblings in the wedding. I feel like that’s a totally, there should be no pressure to have anybody in the wedding, but

Kate Gray: yeah.

Christa Innis: Why won’t you explain why?

Kate Gray: Yeah, why don’t you explain why, or like, why can’t they just be, I love the idea if that’s the case.

Like if, say you’re the bride and you don’t want your groom’s sister being a bridesmaid, but can she be a groomsman? I don’t know. Do you have this, the ultimate set? You know, can’t, is there some gray area here? Right. Like if

Christa Innis: he, I know. That’s what I think is interesting too, is like, I, I mean, I had my.

Husband’s sister and sister-in-law on his side. Um, sister-in-law on his side. I dunno if I said that right. But I mean, it’s our sister-in-law, but in the wedding, ’cause I’m like close with them. Yeah. But like, we have my brother ’cause like they’re not super close or anything. Okay. But I’ve seen it always and that, that’s like a weird thing.

But like, I, I don’t know. It’s interesting.

Kate Gray: Well, I think this can be an issue. So say the groom’s sister is rude to the bride or like they don’t get along or, or whatever. And so the bride’s just like, yeah. I mean, you’re not gonna be in our wedding party. Mm-hmm. Um. But I think that could also be like an, is a situation where fiance, they can come together where it’s like, Hey, I’m uncomfortable with her in my, on my side of things, you know, going on my bachelorette or like, and standing up there, that feels inauthentic to me.

But if you, you know, she’s your sister, you kind of get the say in what you want her to be in our wedding and we can talk about it. And so do you want her to stand up with you in a black dress? You know, like is there something, if your parents are gonna be really upset and embarrassed by that, like is there something we can do to get everyone a win-win scenario?

Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because what’s weird to me too is that she would have to explain to the groom almost like in my. My thought is if the bride and sister didn’t get along, the groom would already know that or know that there was some kind of weird tension. So like, let’s figure it out together. But if like, let’s say she secretly like hated the sister and was like, yeah, jealous of something, you know, whatever.

Then like that’s already, that’s a red flag because it’s like you’re not openly communicating with your groom. Like, oh, the sister did this to me. That’s

Kate Gray: the issue is like the not openly communicating.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. This one’s, there’s two more. One person does all the wedding planning because the other partner says they don’t care.

Kate Gray: Is that the most normal thing I’ve ever heard about this? Probably. I mean, but it’s a red flag. Like. I don’t know, what do they not care about? Is that part of the dynamic? Do they not care in general? Are they like, I never care about what we eat, and so the other person’s always responsible for figuring out what they eat.

Like is this the dynamic or is this just like, oh, I don’t like, you know, oh I don’t know, some, like, I don’t wanna do girly stuff, or some stupid stuff like that. What’s the deal about it?

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like there’s a big difference between like, oh honey, you’re so good at this stuff, so I don’t care.

Like, do you like the pink or the green butter? You know, or it’s like, I don’t care.

Kate Gray: You know? Like the, yeah,

Christa Innis: how are they communicating it because exactly how

Kate Gray: are they communicating it? And you know, I think that that’s not. Yeah. I think again, it’s a, all these things seem like places, things to explore. Like is this just this situation or is this in general?

Or does this bother me? Does it bother me that they don’t care? Or am I happy they don’t care because I wanted to do it on my own anyway. You know, like Right. What I, how do you actually feel about it?

Christa Innis: Right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point. It’s so, these are so nuanced. Yeah. Because I’ve seen relationships before where the bride is like such a big planner and so she was like, I got this.

We’re good. Yeah. And he kind of just was there if she needed him, but that’s it. He was like, I don’t care. Pick, I will walk in for a wedding. You want, but then I’ve seen others where like the bride was stressed beyond belief and he went a finger and you’re like, that’s where I’m like, it’s your wedding too.

Right. Um, but I think a lot of times there’s those couples where they just assume like, oh, it’s the woman’s job to do all of it. Yes. Um. But

Kate Gray: I don’t know. And that’s again, like not a a bad, these things aren’t like inherently bad, but it’s like, how do you feel about them? Do you want them more involved? Is are there things you can do together?

Are there things that they really do care about or do they just not know? I think a lot of the time people don’t know what they don’t know. Yeah. And so you think you’re not gonna care about something, but you really end up caring about the food, or you really end up caring, like caring about the transportation from the venue to the reception.

You know, like, yeah. Is, is there an open mind there? For things to be, you know, to evolve as you learn more. Because I mean, when I planned my wedding, I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know what I, you know, how do you, how are you supposed to know when you’ve never done it before?

Christa Innis: Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So

Christa Innis: it’s a lot.

And I think people don’t realize, like, especially their first time going through everything and seeing like what they have to do, they’re just like, what?

Kate Gray: Yeah, there’s so many decisions.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so all the comparison with social media and all stuff, it’s like you have to really shut out the noise of like, okay, do I want, uh, a golden arch because they have it on Pinterest, or do I want one because it would look cool for us, like, you know.

Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah, for sure.

Christa Innis: Okay, last one. A parent constantly criticizes their part child’s partner, but the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Major red flag. First of all, why is a parent criticizing? I think that’s, so, I, I think things can be so backwards. Like parents should be there to be so supportive ’cause they know they’ve been through it and they know how stressful it is.

Mm-hmm. So it’s just crazy to me in general when parents are adding, they add stress even though they know they’ve been through it themselves. Um, so I think that’s the red flag is like parents criticizing in general. That’s definitely something to have a boundary around. Um, what was the rest of the question?

And the, uh, the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict. Yeah. And that’s another thing. Do they always do that? Do they do that with you? Do they do that at work? Do they do that with their friends? Are they always avoiding conflict? Because the thing about that is that it comes out sideways. It it does eventually, you know, people aren’t just like doormats, you’re human beings and emotions, you know, it’s gonna come out.

So, but it, but, or is this a situational thing where it’s just like, you know, let’s just get through this wedding. Like, I don’t even care. Let’s just get through this wedding. Right. That’s one thing. So, and it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s, you know, things are not irreparable. If you just, if the wedding is just, if you decide it’s not the time to deal with all these dynamics, then just make it easy for yourself.

You know? Like if you need to avoid it, do it, whatever. But as long as like you, um, yeah, I think just doing what you need to do at the time

Christa Innis: Yeah. Is

Kate Gray: how you leave these situations. Like not traumatized.

Christa Innis: Right. When they’re

Kate Gray: tough.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know how I would react to something like that, but yeah, if it’s something like you live across the country and you’re only gonna see ’em for this one day and you talk to them, okay, whatever, just like, we’re like, whatever.

But if you see them a lot and they’re constantly putting your partner down, like, let’s, boundaries.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Boundaries. Because that’s, you know, if a parent’s criticizing their partner, that can really make the kid feel undermined. Like, Hey, you don’t trust my decisions. Like, I, I wanna hear your feedback, but I’m, all I’m hearing about them is this, and that’s making me not trust your opinion because they’re both good and bad.

Like, they definitely have stuff, but it, it’s, it feels reflective of me and what you think about me and my decision. So yeah, that can be something important to communicate. But again, if this isn’t the time, then don’t like just deal with it later.

You’re Just the Mother of His Child

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now let’s get to everyone’s favorite part of these episodes, and that’s this week’s story submission.

So here we go. Okay. It’s Blind React. I’ve not read it, so, okay. What we got. Okay. You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and hit a full. Hit at full speed while making a, and was, I’m sorry, and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in co a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. Oh, she explicitly told them not to speak to me. How do you, that stuff, this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. Like, yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, like. That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Like in Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Uh, she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re just the mother of his child.”

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. Um, that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Mm. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

Mm. So the, the grandma was even keeping the, the son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown, grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it kind of relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. Mm-hmm. But this is like the opposite way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? Like, ’cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, he’s my next. I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, I. If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a family, you know, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This like, I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And may, I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, you know? Mm-hmm. How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. But yeah, so that’s what I have just context.

I want context to that. But you wanna really, you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, you know, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Um, yeah. And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

The partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: You know, they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. Of course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and you know, then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say like, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, um, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

Um mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. Okay. Let’s, okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: Wait, I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s like, I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think like retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s like, you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much like he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: Well, or I mean, or, or she just learned from that. Like, this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. Because I, um, man, that is, that is, you can’t make that this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about like being aware of like, okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

Kate Gray: Right.

Christa Innis: This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ’cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

I mean, they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: Right. But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. Like, we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. Wow. Uh, she had no, oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. That’s a wait. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And like how long was, if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. Well, because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that. Yes. Well, wait, so backing up, when he got in that tragic accident, that was like, what?

Probably five years into their relationship? Is that like a general timeline? Probably. So

Christa Innis: they met mid nineties in the summer of 2000. Yeah. Yeah. So probably like five or so years. Okay. They had a toddler together, living together. Mm. Yeah, where was the mom and all this? Like did she live with

Kate Gray: Yeah, did she live with them?

Yeah. I, so my, so from a family systems point of view, remember that’s my context. ’cause like, I wanna be per, I wanna respond personally to this, but like, ’cause this is crazy, but not in a clinical way. You’re not crazy in a clinical way. Yes. But it’s still just like, what is this guy, you know, you said this at the beginning, like when people are like, oh, where’s the fiance?

People submit stories and they’re like, wait, where? Where’s the fiance? Where’s the husband? Where’s the partner?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And

Kate Gray: that’s what I’m wondering is like, what has he just been passive in this situation and mm-hmm. I don’t know. I think it’s so easy to be, you know, with these mother-in-laws that do these things, to be really scared of them.

And I mean. And let them dominate. You know, I think there gets to a point where it’s like you, you can have boundaries as adults. Like you can, you know, you don’t have to have her in your, your house. If she’s terrorizing you and you’re scared of her and you’re laughing at her behind her back, you know, like, so I don’t know, but.

That sounds,

Christa Innis: that’s what I’m confused about. Crazy. Like he had a good relationship with his mom, so he was like, oh, she’s fine, she’s harmless. But then maybe, right. It wasn’t until he was in the ICU that she became really terrible and was like, like actually a threat to their relationship.

Kate Gray: Yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Because you know, you hear like funerals and weddings and, you know, all those big life events bring out the worst in people. Right? Right. And so like, I mean, there’s so many cr I mean, I’m sure there could be a podcast about funeral things that happen with families, like being torn apart and money is, you know, there, there, you always hear about stuff like that.

And so that’s what makes me think of like, maybe the mom was playing nice and then she was like in tragedy brought up. Right. I don’t know.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well, oh man, that’s so hard. That is so hard. I mean real life. And that’s why marriage relationships are so important to get right. Because life is crazy and there are huge things that happen like that, that alter things and alter relationships.

And so having a balance and having communication and resolving conflicts so that it all doesn’t come out in this one crisis, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Is

Kate Gray: so important because crises happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But yeah, and it’s um, I love that she shared this story ’cause it’s such a unique perspective and I feel like open people’s eyes up too because it’s kind of like a different perspective of the stories we usually get.

’cause you know, it’s usually like the wedding drama and the planning and stuff. So this was a very like, alternative kind of story. And I think it’s really interesting ’cause you never think like. In like a, in a tragic moment, like, what’s gonna happen? Or, you know, right. How would we handle that? Married or not?

How would we handle that situation? ’cause that’s gonna put, that can put stress on family. How is family gonna come in at that point? Um,

 

Do It Your Way

Kate Gray: well, yeah, and I think it depends. When I got married, I remember like a month after we got married and we’re home from and everything and it’s like really hitting you this commitment and this legal change.

And I was changing my name and I remember being like, I’m changing my social security card. Like, if I am in an accent, you, you are gonna be like, you know, who’s young at my age who doesn’t have experience with hospitals, you know, my mom’s a, a nurse and, um. I just remember like that, the gravity of that hitting me, you know, you just grow up like it, it’s just so much transition internally and in life.

And you’re like, oh my gosh. Like if I am in a car accident, you are gonna be making these decisions. Like this is crazy. Yeah. So I think there, you know, um, I, but I agree like with like what you’re saying just about how the, the legal thing like this, it matters. This marriage is, is this person is making these huge decisions and when health is on the line, I think that’s a time where like hard lines need, hard boundaries need to be there, like mm-hmm.

Or else there’s this situation right where the mom and the partner, like the wife or the, the partner Yeah. Are not, there’s no clear lines there. ’cause legally did the mom have the right, or I don’t even know what the laws are.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know. And I don’t know what state there, ’cause I’m sure it differs state to state too.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But it sounds like she probably had the legality because she was the mom, but I don’t know. ’cause it’s like if he’s over 18, doesn’t that kind of go away? I don’t know how that works. Yeah. Um, but I actually heard a crazy story. I don’t even know how long ago it was now. Um, and I’ll change up the story slightly to protect who they are, but, um, this couple was married for a long time.

They were going through a divorce and while they were going through a divorce, the man had a traumatic, like, I think I wanna say brain cancer, brain tumor. Mm-hmm. And it turns out that certain tumors can make you act different ways or like do different things. Mm. While that was happening, he had an affair with her sister.

It was, I know. It was crazy. And so while he was in the hospital, the sister and I, again, I don’t know the legalities or how this worked. Yeah. Uhhuh, um, I. This was like through a grapevine,

Kate Gray: Uhhuh,

Christa Innis: um, through, through the sister. The sister was not allowing the ex-wife to Oh, father of children. Father of the children, what?

25 years? Yeah. 

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. 

Christa Innis: And I was just like, this was a long grapevine, but it was just like, what? Like how, like I, again, I don’t know, like the legalities of that because they were divorced, but he wasn’t with this new person legally. But I don’t know if she was just there when the injury happened or they like, did the surgery or what.

Oh my gosh. But the, like, those kind of things are just like, you don’t, you don’t think about that when you’re like, you know, I don’t know. Getting married or like all that stuff.

Kate Gray: No, no, you don’t. You definitely don’t. I’m watching, it’s funny we’re talking about this too. ’cause I’m rewatching, um, Grey’s Anatomy, so I’m like seeing all this stuff in episodes and um, but yeah, it really does make you think of the legalities.

’cause I think that is what they determine what they make those decisions based on. Right. Like the doctors have to know Yeah. Who’s next of kin and who’s formally next of kin.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Because I know there’s been really sad stories where, um, a gay couple or something have been partners for a long time, but they, because they weren’t legally married, they refused to let a longtime partner of someone in the hospital room So crazy.

And I hope that’s changed in most cases, but I’m sure there’s gotta be some kind of like paperwork or something, I don’t know. Mm-hmm. How that works. Mm-hmm. But maybe next I need to have some like.

Kate Gray: Lawyer on it should have someone on here. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about that. Is there a lawyer listening? 

Um, okay. I know we’re about at the end of our time, so I always like to end this with confessions, weekly confessions that people send me. So here’s a couple that people sent in. It says, biggest regret was having a wedding instead of eloping like I wanted to. Mm. And I was told I would regret it later.

Kate Gray: That is so sad.

I hate when people, or it’s just sad when people project their own experiences and you don’t realize it’s them projecting and not everyone’s truth and not like a universal truth, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Oh, that’s tough. See, that’s why like, you have to make these times, you have to do what you wanna do, I think.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: Because they’re so big.

Christa Innis: Totally. And I feel like when you tend to listen to everyone around you, but yourself, you’re gonna end up regretting it a hundred percent. Whether it want a big wedding and you went small or you went small and you want, you know, or I just said the same thing twice. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Um, or you, you don’t elope, but you really wanted to elope because you’re ultimately trying to please everyone else and you’re looking back. Exactly. Feel like, what was that for?

Kate Gray: Yeah. And it’s like if you do what you wanna do and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted to, you can learn. It’s not a, it’s not, I don’t think is as bad as if you listen to someone else over yourself.

’cause I think when you get married, like when you go into that stage of life. And you start your own family, whether you have kids or not. Like you’re starting your own family, that you have to get in the habit of making decisions for your family and for yourself and putting yourself first in that way.

That’s what’s best for your family. Mm-hmm. Is choosing yourself every day over everybody else. You know, obviously considering other people, but no one knows your family, no one knows you better than you know you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Even if you haven’t been some through something that other people have been through.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. You know, the way you just said it, I’m like, you know, the wedding is kind of like the test, like, kinda like the precursor into the marriage. ’cause everyone’s so focused on the wedding. Right. But it’s really the marriage, like that counts and I, I don’t know. Yeah. I can kind of say that to like, you know, your clients before, but I just feel like so many people focus on this like, you know, big day, right?

Yeah. The flashing lights and all that, but. It really is kinda like the precursor of like, how are we gonna handle stress? How are we gonna budget for this big event? Yes. How are all these strong personalities gonna come together and how will we deal with it? Because in our, you know, marriage, there’s gonna be trials and tribulations, there’s gonna be hard times, there’s gonna be great times.

Um, and so I feel like that’s kinda like a precursor of like, are we gonna listen to everyone else before us? Yes. Like, how are we gonna Well,

Kate Gray: yeah, and like I said, like I really do, when I’m thinking about it like this, I’m like, there. People don’t, I don’t know you. It’s crazy that this amount of pressure and this complex of a thing happens at the very beginning of a relationship because in life you’re never dealing with this type of thing again.

You know, unless you have children and there’s like, you live on a compound with your family. Like there, you know, there’s not this level of pressure, of personalities of, of involvement in your life and in your life decisions as there is when you’re married. So I wanna like, I feel like that would’ve been so helpful for me to understand of just like, this is kind of a one time thing.

You know, this. And like maybe if you, if you can get pregnant, if you wanna get pregnant, whatever the birth of your first child, like, I feel like those are kinda the two main first things. And then after that, people leave you alone in a way. And so just to know like if you’re feeling a lot of pressure, you can like chill because there’s nothing like this, I think other than funerals, you know?

Yes. Other, other things like that. But even, even then, you’re not the center of it a lot of times. So

Christa Innis: yeah. This is your, your time for it to be about you. You can be a little selfish. Um, yeah. And yeah. Kind of block out the extra it,

Kate Gray: It will be over, you know? Yes. But I agree with what you’re saying. Like it totally is a precursor for things and magnifies your dynamic.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. A lot of, lot of personalities and thoughts and opinions coming in on this, on this one day. That’s Yeah. That can, uh, can make or break sometimes.

Kate Gray: Yeah. But do what you want.

Christa Innis: Yes. Do what you want.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, this says, um, mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and warned me wait and said it was a warning from her wor from her words.

I don’t know how that. Mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and a warning from her words. Yeah. So she said it as like a warning. What? So basically saying, if you don’t do what I say, I can ruin your wedding. Oh gosh. That is so mean. Did you see there was this thing that went viral.

Someone just tagged me in on TikTok. This girl shared a picture or like a video of all her invitations in a bucket of dirty water and said, thanks to my mother-in-law, oh wait, no, I didn’t see that they were already, or they were, the water was dirty because it was all the ink. She already had pre-addressed all these invitations in envelopes, and the mother-in-law threw them in water because they weren’t what she wanted, or she didn’t want the wedding to happen.

It was like going viral on TikTok. And people were like, can you make a story about this? And I was like, let me gather some thoughts. 

 

Kate Gray: That’s terrible. Oh my gosh, that is so awful.

Christa Innis: Do you, that is so awful. Is that someone that just can’t deal with their emotions or can’t communicate, or has or hasn’t been told? No, maybe.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So the like term is enmeshment. They’re enmeshed, which means they’re fused, like, so, um, when it comes to relationships, there’s only one truth. Like there’s right or wrong, and both people have to see it that way. Mm. Whereas, so they need to learn what’s called differentiation. Like, hey, my kid is their own person.

They’re making their own choices and their own life. And it doesn’t have to be the same as what I would do.

Christa Innis: Mm. 

Kate Gray: Or I don’t have to approve. They have full autonomy and agency to do what they need to do. Mm-hmm. And so there’s definitely a component of not being able to regulate emotionally. There’s the component of, of being, um, not really having boundaries.

You know, there’s, there’s a lot. I mean, not, again, not to pathologize people and ’cause I don’t know all the context behind these things, but definitely parents that get upset at their children’s decisions, there is a level of enmeshment between them.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I don’t know how some of these people get through.

Like, I know position, I just can’t. Imagine being treated that way.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, awesome. Okay, well that’s all I have for, oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming on. It was so great chatting with you and hearing a different perspective on some of these things that we see.

Kate Gray: Thank you for having me. This was really fun and different.

Like it’s not, I normally just, I talk about this stuff on such, in such a serious way, you know, and so this was really light and fun. I really enjoyed it. Oh, good. Thank you again. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Well, can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content, and then what kind of things you’re working on and what kind of things you share?

Kate Gray: Yeah. So, um, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube under the handle codependency. Kate, KATE. Um, what am I working on? I don’t know. I’m just like having fun posting and, um, just still learning about my community and what the needs are and just doing fun things like this. I did start a podcast, it’s called The Gray Area.

Christa Innis: Oh, fun. Where?

Kate Gray: Yeah, where like, so I post a lot of educational stuff and my podcast is um, where I just elaborate. It’s just like long form. I literally just started it and I am doing it just by myself and I, I’ve been like, I didn’t realize I could yap the way I do. I’ve literally like for 45 minutes to an hour can just like talk about something.

I had no idea. I’ve always been curious, like I wonder if I could just go. Like how long I would talk. Yeah. And anyway, so, um, that’s on my profile. You’re sign up now? I’m literally, yeah. Um, so that’s what I’m doing. Yeah. Now.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, very cool. I feel like a lot of times our, our content can like cross over, like you can be like the more, more serious

Kate Gray: Yes.

Christa Innis: Um, and educational for Yes. I like education. Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of people have que, you know, they hear these stories and they have questions about it, or, um, brides will reach out and be like, this is what I’m currently dealing with and I, I can’t deal with it from, or I can give advice from a professional standpoint.

I just can say like, this is what I’ve seen in these stories. Yes. Yeah. So,

Kate Gray: um, well, and that’s valid too, your experience with these stories. So. Not to like think that, um, you have to have formal training to be able to answer. But yeah, I’m always happy to provide the educational component because there people, from what I’ve learned, like are shocked to find out these things have names and there’s, these are issues, you know, I’ll post a video about this and people are like, oh my gosh, this is my exact situation.

And there’s, you know, 10,000 other people that feel the same way. And it’s just so family systems is super fun to educate people about and it can be very validating for people struggling in these situations.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about social media is that we’re able to connect on those things like, yeah.

Like I saw someone say once like, oh, my algorithm algorithm’s spot on. ’cause it’ll be like a video about like someone with like a D, H, D and anxiety and you’re like, oh my gosh, wait, I have those things. Wait, I do those things. Or it just allows you to connect and see that you’re not alone in something or someone totally in the situation.

And,

Kate Gray: um, it’s so valid. It can be such a relief and so validating for people that don’t have access to therapy or like support, extra support like that. I literally got a message from someone yesterday from like Gambia Africa. Wow. And they’re like, yeah, we don’t have access to therapy here, so I really appreciate your content.

I’m like, oh my God, this is so cool.

Christa Innis: I didn’t know. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, there’s such a. I think, I think our world’s getting more accepting of therapy and like talking about it being like, Hey, yes, I see I go to therapy and I, but like that wasn’t always the case. Right. And I’m sure you saw too, it was more of like a hush hush thing like, oh, I go to therapy.

Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. You are worried about what people are gonna think about you. Mm-hmm. And so I think for those that are still kind of like scared of therapy or like they don’t know if they wanna do it, social media’s a great way of kind of start like opening that door being like, it really is, wait, this is really, this is helpful.

Oh, this is cool. Yeah. Wait, I can talk to someone and like, like get empowered or learn

Kate Gray: about myself or, yeah. That’s great. Like be listened to and just even explore my own thoughts. Like I, I just think that therapy all it is, is just creating space for you to kind of come out and learn about yourself, like you said.

So

Christa Innis: yeah,

Kate Gray: it’s great. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Awesome. Well thank you again for coming on. I had a great time chatting with you. Me too. Thanks again.

Kate Gray: Thanks.

by Christa Innis

Money Moves, Wedding Scams & Saying No with Financial Expert Tori Dunlap

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

What would you do if your dream wedding turned into a financial nightmare overnight?

In this jaw-dropping episode, Christa and financial expert, bestselling author of Financial Feminist, host of the #1 financial podcast for women, and founder of Her First $100K Tori Dunlap (@herfirst100k) dive into a listener’s wild story about ghosted coordinators, surprise charges, and maxed-out credit cards — all on the big day. You’ll learn exactly how to fight back when a venue drops the ball and your wallet pays the price.

Grab your notebook, because you’ll want to keep these must-know negotiation strategies in your back pocket for any big event.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:55 Tori’s Journey and Mission

03:47 Financial Conversations in Relationships

07:56 Wedding Budgeting and Financial Tips

11:30 Managing Wedding Costs and Expectations

17:08 Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing

28:39 Wedding Money Rapid Fire

30:20 Changing Marriage Norms

30:48 The Modern Wedding Registry

31:45 Cash Funds and Wedding Gifts

35:30 Financial Priorities for Weddings

38:30 Wedding Planning Challenges

43:42 Advice for Handling Wedding Issues

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Wedding Venue Gone Wrong – Hear how one couple’s fairytale venue turned into a triple-coordinator fiasco.
  • Ghosted Before “I Do” – The shocking story of unanswered emails, no-shows, and last-minute coordinator swaps.
  • Surprise Costs & Credit Card Stress – Learn what happens when unexpected charges hit your wedding budget.
  • What You Can Actually Dispute – Tori explains how to use your credit card company as your best wedding ally.
  • Gather That Paper Trail – Christa and Tori share why documentation is the real wedding day MVP.
  • Negotiation is NOT “Being a Karen” – The difference between advocating for yourself vs. just complaining.
  • Know Your Rights as a Bride – Actionable advice on contracts, refunds, and holding vendors accountable.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Financial feminism is about giving women choices. And choice is power.” – Tori Dunlap
  • “Your best form of protest is to get rich.” – Tori Dunlap
  • “Saving $100K was never about the money — it was about the freedom to say no.”  – Tori Dunlap
  • “We’re taught to shrink our dreams and our wallets. Screw that.”  – Tori Dunlap
  • “Women have been told to be quiet about money for too long. Not anymore.” – Christa Innis
  • “What if our dreams are waiting for us to believe we’re worthy of them?” – Christa Innis

About Tori:

Tori Dunlap is an internationally-recognized money and career expert, New York Times bestselling author, and podcast host. After saving $100,000 at age 25, Tori quit her corporate job in marketing and founded Her First $100K to fight financial inequality by giving women actionable resources to better their money. She has helped over five million women negotiate salary, pay off debt, build savings, and invest. Author of the instant New York Times bestselling book “Financial Feminist”; host of the #1 Business Podcast, Financial Feminist; a Forbes 30 Under 30 honoree; and co-creator of Treasury, an investing education platform that has over $100M invested (featured on New York Times Business front page), Tori’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, TODAY, the New York Times, CNN, BBC and more. Tori now travels the world writing and speaking about personal finance, online businesses, and confidence for women.

Follow Tori Dunlap:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Tori. Thank you so much for coming on.

Tori Dunlap: Thank you for having me.

Christa Innis: I am so excited to talk to you. Like I said, I’ve been a huge fan of you for years. I think I found you in 2020 and your advice for women on finances like seriously changed my life. I’m not gonna get emotional geek a, but um, you just do so much for women and I feel like the, what you say to women just really helps.

Counteract what we’ve been taught our whole lives. Right. Um, and before I again just ramble, can you just tell everyone a little bit about you? Um, I know you, you started her first 100 k, you do a lot for, um, women taking control of their finances. Yeah. So thank you for being here. Um, and can you just introduce yourself?

Money, Love & Radical Change

Tori Dunlap: Thank you for all those kind words. It’s very sweet. Uh, that’s the mission of our work, is to fight for women’s financial rights. So I started her first a hundred K as a side hustle in 2016. I was working a nine to five in marketing, and then Donald Trump got elected and I was 22. I had just graduated college and I thought I was coming into adulthood and into womanhood in a very different country than, uh, what ended up happening and I wanted to do something about it.

And that, uh, election really radicalized me. I started having conversations with my woman friends, my girlfriends, they were coming to me and asking me questions about money, about how to pay off debt and how to save and how to invest in a Roth IRA. And I was lucky enough to have a really great financial education for my parents, and I thought, well, maybe this is it.

And as I grew in my own career and started realizing that. There were certain situations that I could not get out of because I didn’t have the money. I couldn’t leave that toxic job. I couldn’t, you know, move out of a certain situation because I didn’t have the money. It was like, oh, this is the answer to a lot of what we struggle with.

Uh. As a member of any minority group, when you have money, you have options. You have the ability to leave a toxic situation. You have the ability to donate to causes you believe in or to travel or to go to therapy, and you just show up as the best, baddest version of yourself when you are financially stable.

And I started experiencing that in my own life and I was like, this is the feeling I want for every single woman on the planet. So I started her first a hundred k. Uh, it is now a multi seven figure business. We have helped over 5 million women save money, pay off debt, start investing. Um, our podcast Financial Feminist is the number one money podcast for women in the world.

And I wrote a New York Times bestseller, also called Financial Feminist. And this is my favorite thing to do is fight for women’s financial rights.

Christa Innis: I love it. And I thought you were the perfect person to have on this show because as we talk about weddings and events, and Yeah. Going to that next chapter, you know, if that’s the, you know, the next step, money is talked about so much when it comes into relationships, whether it’s moving in together, you know, uh, getting married, getting engaged, money has, um, it’s a, it’s a, it can be a problem, it can be.

If it’s done the right way, it can help a relationship. Right? Yeah. And so I feel like you are the perfect person to have on, because in a lot of these stories that people send to me, they, they’re like, well, we don’t know how to have a budget for the wedding. We don’t know how to say no to people offering to pay and then dangling a string above us because they want control of the wedding.

And so I feel like money plays a huge part in this kind of next chapter that people kind of have. I.

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, absolutely. And it’s interesting that you said that people are interested in having financial conversations because I love that it’s usually not the case. We actually know that, um, unfortunately, the vast majority of people get married without having serious conversations about money.

And it ends up being the number one reason or the number one cause of separation in relationships is financial problems, is lack of transparency. Um, so. These conversations about money, uh, hopefully start when you’re dating and then continue to, you know, when you get more serious and then when you move in together, and then when you start talking about being married.

And then of course, the costs of the wedding are, you know, it’s, it’s typically a pretty substantial cost for people. And so I hope that everybody listening views money, uh, and financial wellness as. Wellness with the rest of their lives. Right? We talk about mental wellness a lot in a, in our society now, mental health, we talk about, of course, our physical health, our emotional health, but our financial health, I would argue, is absolutely paramount to all of the rest of those, right?

We can’t go to the gym. We, unless we have money to pay for the gym membership, we can’t go to therapy unless we have money. And especially in a healthy relationship. And especially before you, uh. You know, uh, enter into this new season of your life. Shit’s about to get really expensive, so you need to be having conversations with your partner and decide, you know, what it, what do I want my wedding?

What do I want my marriage to look like?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, you make a really good point about so many couples do not talk about money until Yep. They get to the wedding part or they’re already married and they’re like, oh shit. Like my partner. Has debt or this is going on and we’ve never talked about it, or how do we get through this together?

Um, and that’s one thing I can like straight up say, like, you helped me and my partner who I’m now married to, but at the time it’s like we were living together, but it was like, how do we figure out bills? Like how, you know, we’re kind of going through all these weird seizures together. And so I think it’s so important that we talk about it now in these stages.

You know, anyone listening that’s like currently engaged or with a partner moving in, it’s so important to. Have those difficult conversations. And that’s one thing you help me with too, is ’cause it’s like, it’s, it’s awkward to talk about, especially when you grow up being like, don’t talk about money. It’s taboo.

Yeah. And you need to have those taboo conversations.

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, I mean, it’s very similar to sex, right? And we’re actually more likely to talk about any other uncomfortable topic before we’ll talk about money. So we’ll talk about sex, death, politics, religion. We will have mm-hmm. Any uncomfortable topic to spare us from having a conversation about money.

But, you know, I hope you’re talking about your sex life with your partner. Mm-hmm. I hope you. Talk about what you like and what you want and what your desires are and how you enjoy pleasure. Right. That’s a huge part of a romantic relationship. Mm-hmm. Is, you know, your sexual health and your sexual, uh, life with this other person.

Money’s no different. It’s a little awkward to talk about. It’s a little scary. Uh, there’s a lot of emotional, uh, baggage and typically trauma that you bring into that conversation. Um, but we need to talk about it and especially with our life partner.

Debt, Guilt, and Boundaries

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so getting into it, I reached out to my audience to kind of ask about some general questions when it comes to weddings and budgeting.

So kind of starting off, this is a big one, and I’ve seen some horror stories where people send them to me after about. Putting things on a credit card for a wedding. Oh yeah. And financing. And I even, even, which I felt terrible for this girl, she reached out to me, this is a while back about she was a maid of honor.

Didn’t understand the responsibilities. There was not really a communication. Yeah. And she ended up paying for every like bachelorette party, all on her credit card because she felt like she needed to be a good friend. Yeah. So is financing a wedding with a credit card a good or bad idea? And what are your thoughts on that?

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, let’s talk about those two situations. So one, if you are the person getting married, how should I pay for it? But then I have a lot of hot takes too about the, you know, bachelor, bachelorette parties. Yes. Because that is getting more and more expensive. Okay, so the first one, yes. I do not want you going through what is hopefully one of the most beautiful, enjoyable days or experiences of your life, thinking, how am I gonna afford this?

Like. This is the same thing when people put vacations on credit cards. Like nothing tastes worse than a pina colada on the beach when you’re trying to relax with a side of guilt and with a side of like, I’m gonna get home and I, the consequences will be there. Right? Yeah. I don’t want anything souring this day.

A lot of people go into debt, especially costly debt like credit cards because they’re like, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Mm-hmm. So, yolo, it doesn’t matter. And I, if you don’t aren’t familiar with my work, I am not the financial expert that shames you for spending money. I am not the financial expert that shames you for being in debt.

So I wanna level set that. However, again, I don’t want this beautiful thing being. Potentially tarnished when you realize that you’re gonna be paying it off for the next six months. Mm-hmm. Two years, five years, 10 years. And especially with credit card debt, that is the most costly kind of debt you are in debt, at least 15% on average, 22% interest.

For context, the average student loan right now is about five to 6%. So you’re taking out five-ish times the amount. Of a student loan to, you know, uh, be able to take on what you’re deciding to put on this credit card. And in addition, what a lot of people don’t understand about credit cards is that the interest compounds.

So that means that the interest earns interest. Not all loans work this way. Mortgage mortgages typically, typically don’t work this way, but credit cards do so the interest, every day you’re, you are in debt, it’s earning you interest. And also that interest doesn’t compound once a month. It compounds every day.

So this is why credit card debt in particular, can be so damaging. It affects our credit score for, you know, potentially years. It affects, uh, just your ability to take on, you know, and buy, get a loan for something like a house, uh, in the future. And it also is just really, really expensive. So please don’t finance your wedding and like that shouldn’t be a hot take.

I, I think anybody. Who is in the financial space is gonna give you the same advice. Now, there are ways that you can think about, you know, the wedding of your dreams that don’t involve credit cards, and we can talk more about that. I. The second thing, uh, let’s talk about the bachelor bachelorette commitments.

Um, I have been in one, uh, bachelorette party and luckily it was not the kind of situation where it was like a week long bachelorette, uh, in Cabo with the yachts and the bottle service, you know, but like. I think transparency is gonna be the recurring theme of this episode, which is you need to be transparent with your partner if you’re getting married, and you need to be transparent with your bridal party.

So what that looks like, I was actually just talking to somebody the other day that they got a form with like, Hey, what’s your budget? I’m getting married. I sent it to, you know, they sent it to their, their, um, bridesmaids, what is your budget for these items? What is your budget for dress? What is your budget for the bachelorette party?

And then based on that, created the whole, you know, bachelorette experience. So I think it’s really important for the person getting married to lead that conversation now. If you are not the person getting married and you are dealing with the, oh my gosh, these costs keep adding up and I don’t want to be a bad friend.

It’s something I hear a lot as well. Um, okay. I’m gonna get a little spicy.

Christa Innis: I love it

Tori Dunlap: if, if someone in your life is demanding you go into debt to prove that you’re a good friend, they’re not a good friend. Yep. Like they’re just not. And, uh, if the bride is not. Sending out forms, having open conversations with you about how much things will cost.

What you need to do is unfortunately take on the burden of that conversation, which is going to them and doing what I love is a gratitude sandwich of feedback. Okay, so you’re gonna go, oh, thank you for asking me to be a bridesmaid. I am so honored that, you know, you would think of me, our friendship means so much to me.

You know, nice piece of bread, gratitude meat is the part where you have to talk about what’s going on in, in your brain and your body and your life. So. Then you’re going, uh, I either, um, re finances are really tight right now and I really can’t afford to be in the bridal party, but I would love to support you second piece of bread in any other aspect of the wedding.

And I’m so excited I will be there with Bellson to support you and your partner if you know you wanna be a bridesmaid. And maybe the conversations are happening where it’s like, oh my gosh, yeah, we are gonna go to Europe. And you’re like, I can’t fucking afford Europe. Yeah. Then you go. Again, so excited, so happy.

Um, I am not in the financial position to be able to afford this. Uh, and then give them options. You can say, Hey, uh, can we go somewhere else? Instead, if you’re committed to going to Europe, I’m gonna sit this one out. Or, you know, I am going to come to half of the trip because I can’t afford the whole thing.

I’m gonna come to half and then I, I’m gonna have to jet, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so these conversations just need to be happening. I know it feels awkward, but I can tell you from the thousands of emails I have gotten, and I imagine you feel the same way, that the awkwardness is so much worse when the resentment kicks in.

Mm-hmm. When you’re going, oh my God. Okay. This has costing me $3,500 and I don’t have $3,500, and it’s very hard to be authentically celebratory for this person when you’re harboring resentment. I don’t know how you feel about this

Christa Innis: a hundred percent. I get stories all the time where people then, after the, after the fact, they feel like, oh, I spent all this money and

Tori Dunlap: yep,

Christa Innis: we kinda dwindled away after the wedding.

Or they just have all these feelings kind of built up. Um. And it goes back to feeling like they have to say yes to everything. And Yep. And I get it. And I, I felt really glad that, like, when it came time for, for my wedding, I had two bridesmaids that were like, Hey, I’m not gonna do the bachelorette party.

And I was like, I, that’s great. I want absolutely no pressure for you guys. I even told my maid of honor like. It’s okay. Like these are optional. ’cause I mean, I had been in plenty of weddings over the years and I saw how things can add up and it takes away, especially if you have kids or a partner at home, you don’t wanna take off work sometimes.

Yeah. And I get it. I get it.

Tori Dunlap: And I think especially with a maid of honor, you need to be having conversations about what the expectations are. Because some weddings, it’s just like, yeah, it’s basically like, you know. Fancy title, but I don’t expect anything of you. And for some, it’s like you are a project manager full time, so you need to have a conversation.

And also what inevitably happens is that a lot of people get into the excitement of the wedding, right? We’ve all seen father of the bride. It’s like you get in the excitement of the wedding and the wedding keeps. Getting crazier. So if you are the maid of honor and you committed to something that has now changed, it’s time to have another conversation of just, again, I’m so excited for you all.

This seems so incredible. I want you to have the wedding that you want. Mm-hmm. However. I, I am not, I’m at capacity here. I can’t do all of the things you’re asking me to do, and I’d rather come to you and talk to you about it than feel secretly harboring again, resentment or mm-hmm. Or feelings. ’cause I want this to be a positive experience.

So those are the kind of conversations you have to have that again, might feel uncomfortable, but ultimately. I want everybody to be able to enjoy this experience, to be able to enjoy this day. And the resentment, the, uh, you know, guilt, the shame is not going to lead to an enjoyable experience.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah.

And absolutely like, like you said. You’re so, um, nervous about telling a bride that, that they’re gonna like end your friendship over it, then they’re not a good friend. That

Tori Dunlap: tells you a lot. That tells you a lot. Mm-hmm. Uh, and what you can do is if you’re in the bridal party, uh, and I would recommend this for brides as well, is you do need to sit down and be like, okay.

Uh, you know, uh, head to toe, what is every single cost going to be now? Bachelorette party, right? The obvious costs are a flight if you’re getting on a flight, lodging, restaurants, experiences, but it’s also like. Uber’s to and from the airport. Mm-hmm. It’s also the, you know, matching bachelorette t-shirts.

Right. It’s the, uh, you know, drinks at the bar. And then a lot of people, you know, uh, are taking, you know, the, the bridal party is paying for the bride’s experience. Is that part of the expectation? If so, how is that being split? Is it just the maid of honor? Is it. Split, you know, if there’s five brides or bridesmaids, is it split five ways?

Like those are the conversations you wanna have because again, you don’t wanna be in the moment when you’ve had a couple margaritas and you’re feeling good, and then you start making a plan like you are inebriated. It’s not an authentic plan. Mm-hmm. And again, nothing tastes worse than a pina colada with a side of guilt that is, that applies to everything here.

Nothing tastes worse than a beautiful wedding with a side of credit card debt. Nothing tastes worse than. You know, having a great experience in the moment and then waking up and going, shit, I had to put all of that on my credit card last night because I can’t afford it. So again, you have to have conversations, but you also need to make a financial plan when everything’s.

Fine when nothing is crazy, when you haven’t planned anything yet. So you have the foundation that you need to stick to when there’s temptation to veer away from the plan.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh, that’s such good advice. So, I mean, I feel like that kind of covers when we’re talking about, you know, managing your expectations.

Letting Go of Everyone Else’s Expectations

So going into more of like the wedding, I know we’re talking about, so don’t, you know, put it on a credit card. Yeah. What would you say to someone that’s like, how do I. Budget for this wedding. How do I kind of plan for this? Um, and I always tell people too, I’m like, let go of expectations of others. ’cause I think a lot of times people want this big, huge wedding with 500 people.

For other people, they don’t think about what do my partner and I actually want? What’s true to us?

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, I think you make a great point where that’s what you need to start with is sitting down and having a conversation with your partner. What wedding do we wanna have? And it’s not what wedding does Aunt Marge want us to have?

What wedding does my mom want us to have? It’s what wedding do we want to have, because. Ultimately, again, it is your day, and I know there’s a lot of familial, familial pressure. I know that there’s a lot of people, a lot of cooks in that kitchen. Yep. But ultimately, this wedding is about a marriage. The wedding is one day and or for the crazy people, you know, a week, two weeks.

Right. But the wedding is the beginning of a marriage. Mm-hmm. You are in partnership with this other person. You are not in partnership with your mo mom or your mother-in-law, like you’re not in a marriage with your mother-in-law. You’re not in a marriage even with, you know, your maid of honor, best friend you are in a partnership in a marriage with your life partner.

You need to make decisions and start acting like you’re in a marriage when you get married. Mm-hmm. The wedding is just a day. The marriage is a lifetime, so you need to decide what you actually want with your partner. Now, again, easier said than done when there’s a lot of voices. Yeah. However, I think getting on the same page without any of that pressure first, and maybe it’s journaling separately, like what do I actually want?

And again, not what have I seen in movies that tells me what I should want? What have I uh, seen other people do that gives me a little bit of envy or jealousy? Like, what do you actually want? Mm-hmm. Then you need to ask yourself, can I afford? What I actually want. Mm-hmm. Now, sometimes the answer will be, yeah, we can do that.

And sometimes the answer will be no. We’d have to go into a lot of debt to do this. Mm-hmm. So we have to find a happy medium there because. A lot of times I want a Ferrari. I want, uh, you know, a seven month stay at the four Seasons. Um, but that is not in my budget, right? So there’s a lot of things that we can want, but that we can’t afford.

And again, I cannot. I cannot emphasize this enough. It is very easy to get in the yellow state of mind of like, hopefully we only get married once, so like we’re gonna go crazy. I do not want this day to be haunting you four years because you could not afford it, right? So what do I want? Journal about that.

Think about that. Come to your partner. What do we want together? And then what can we actually afford? So the best thing to keep in mind is that obviously weddings are gonna be very expensive. But you need to determine in the wedding what is really important to you about this. Mm-hmm. Uh, is it, I want this particular dress and I’m willing to compromise on other things in order to have that.

Great. I was actually just thinking about this the other day. Um, my partner and I, uh, have been together for three years. I don’t think we’re getting married anytime soon, but I don’t know why. I just thought about this. I’m like, what is, what would be important at my wedding? And food is huge for me. Mm-hmm.

And now I’ve turned my partner into a foodie as well. So I was literally thinking, I was like. When we get married, I think it will probably, like the food is gonna be the priority. ’cause I want every guest at the wedding to eat really well and I wanna have like a memorable meal. So, okay. I would be willing to compromise on other things.

Maybe that’s, you know, less crazy flowers, or I do my flowers myself, uh, and I want good food, so I’m willing to compromise for that. Mm-hmm. My friend Paula Pant, who’s another financial expert, says, you can afford almost anything. You just can’t afford everything. Love that. And this is all of life, right? Is it’s like, okay, I really wanna go see Taylor Swift.

And a tour. A tour tickets are really expensive, so I am willing to not drink as much coffee or I’m willing to not, you know, buy every piece of clothing I want to buy because I would rather do this other thing. So that’s what you need to ask yourself. It’s not deprivation, it’s actually strategic. It’s, I really want this thing.

So I’m gonna compromise on this other thing so I can have this thing. Mm-hmm. So that becomes then the next conversation of what can we afford and then where do we want to really spend our money? Mm-hmm. And then you can kind of determine what the budget should be and also what, you know. Yeah. I don’t wanna compromise on that, but I’m willing to compromise on this so I can have that.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And that really ties into one of the biggest lessons I always see you talk about, and that’s like. Not shaming people for the coffee, you know, buying your $4 coffee, whatever it is, if it’s something that you enjoy and it’s gonna bring you happiness on that day, then do it. And if that’s something that’s in your budget, but if you’re just doing like a really fancy ballroom because your parents got married there and they are really pushing you, maybe let’s say goodbye to that and do like a smaller venue, you know?

Right. So that’s a such a great point. ’cause I think we get caught up in what everyone else wants.

Redefining Your Wedding Day

Tori Dunlap: Yeah. Or it’s okay, uh, we need to invite your uncle and aunt that you haven’t spoken to in 10 years just because they’re family. And it’s like, no, no. It’s your wedding. You get to do whatever the hell you wanna do.

And I think that, um, once you start setting those boundaries too with family, um, boundaries always feel like aggression for people who have never experienced a boundary. Mm-hmm. So it can just be like, no, this is our wedding. We’re gonna do this. No, but no, this is our wedding. We’re gonna do this and would love to see you, but if, if this makes you uncomfortable, we’ll see you, just see you at the reception or we’ll see you for dinner after.

Like, I, if they wanna uninvite themselves from their behavior, great. That’s, that’s in their control. I’m also, I’m, I know that I, I think I’m better at boundaries set than the average person, but like that is the level of boundaries you need to have. On a wedding day because you’re families are insane. Yes.

And like you need to a hundred percent know what you and your partner want. Make sure you two are on the same team, you’re on the same page, and you are staying committed to what you actually want.

Christa Innis: Yes. I always say like, if I would’ve gotten married to my now husband when we first started dating. It would’ve been so different because I think I would’ve been so much more easily, like persuaded and, ’cause we were together like almost six years before we got engaged or before we got married.

And so I was early twenties, you know, I feel like so much more easily like, yeah, I should do that. Okay. But also our budget would’ve been way smaller. So it’s like, what would, I’ve gone into debt, who knows? And so I feel like now like. By the time we did get married, it was like we saw our friends do it. We saw what things we liked and we didn’t like, and then we were so much better at being like, this is what we want.

We’re not gonna have a huge wedding, we’re gonna have, you know, a standard amount. If I haven’t talked to you in over a year, you’re not getting invited. That’s just how it was.

Tori Dunlap: Yeah. And at the end of the day, like if we’re just looking, you know, at the legality of it, you and this person are signing a.

Financial and legal contract. Mm-hmm. The wedding is something that, you know, from a cultural and societal point we have now put on this, and again, especially if you’re like a person of color, there’s certain traditions, right? There’s certain cultural, uh, you know, experiences. But at the end of the day, like.

You and this person are signing a legal contract. Everything on top can be whatever the hell you want it to be. Mm-hmm. We’ve just, in society, had a very specific version of what a wedding is. Even, you know, white dress. So many people now are wearing red dresses, they’re wearing, uh, pants suits. They’re not wearing dresses at all.

Mm-hmm. Right? So there’s so many ways that you can make this an authentic celebration of your love and excitement with this person. And it can be whatever you want it to be. It can just be, we’re getting married at a courthouse and we’re going and renting out the back room at a restaurant for the 20 people we want there.

That’s a wedding. It doesn’t have to be a big hoopla if you don’t want it to be.

Cash Funds, Splits & Real Talk on Modern Traditions

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. Okay. I thought we would jump into a little wedding. Money, rapid fire. Love it. Just to kind of get things going. And then I’ve got a story that someone sent me and we’ll kind of, uh, react to that. So here we go.

Okay. All right. I think I know what you’re gonna say about this first one. Okay. Set. Set the guest list or set the budget.

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, I think we have to go budget first, but I think it can be a. You can do ’em at the same time of like, okay, I’m gonna have a general budget and then I’m gonna have the guest list and there’s gonna probably be some people that don’t make the cut.

And it’s your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. Got it. We always gotta keep saying that. Uh, cash fund or traditional gift registry.

Tori Dunlap: I, oh, you’ve given me the perfect opportunity to talk about something that I’ve been meaning to talk about forever. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. I love it. Sorry, this is no longer rapid fire, but gimme a second.

Okay. It’s okay. I love it. So. Okay, so, you know how in, let’s call it the fifties, fifties, sixties, right? And I’m gonna use the, the, you know, uh, heteronormative relationship here. Mm-hmm. When a man was marrying a woman, especially in, you know, let’s call it everything before really the 1970s, it was typically happening either.

Uh, at 18, and the woman was not attending university, or it was happening basically the moment they graduated, or even, you know, the semester before they graduated. Yep. People were getting married extremely young. So especially women would literally go from their parents’ house to their husband’s house.

That was it. Right? So you’d go and you’d live your 18 years with your family, and then you’d get married. Or you’d go to college and then you’d get married. So you did not have a life that was not living with somebody else. Yeah. You did not have a life and stuff that you would’ve accumulated. You typically did not live alone.

Right. This is my nana. My nana got married I think at 19 and had three kids by like 25. And I think about that now and I’m like, oh my God. Um, same. So we live in a society now where. People are getting married a lot later. Mm-hmm. Women have a lot more now. The rights, the rights are dwindling every day, but a lot more rights, right?

Mm-hmm. Women are getting more, uh, college degrees than men are. So in our society, everything’s changed for me, right? I, uh, left my parents’ house at 18. I went to college until I was, you know, 22. I got my bachelor’s degree and I have lived on my own. I still live on my own. I don’t live with my partner. I’m 30 years old and so I have eight years where I have bought my own blender and bought my own couch and bought my own desk and bought my own silverware.

So I think it’s changing, but there was this idea, especially like 10 years ago of it’s like tacky to ask for cash. Like I just wanna buy you a toaster. And I’m like, okay. So. Now though, in a typical relationship, I, when I get married to my partner, my partner has a toaster and I have a toaster, right? And maybe we’ve moved in together and consolidated to one toaster, right?

But we’ve already had a life where we have purchased a lot of the things that would typically go on a registry. Now we weddings are perfect opportunity to ask for the things that you maybe couldn’t afford. Like, okay, I’m gonna get the really nice flatware, I’m gonna get the really nice pots and pans, or the really nice knife, but.

This whole narrative around, oh, it’s tacky to just ask for money. I’m like, it’s actually not, because the way that weddings happens at a societal level is so different. They happen later in life. Women have a, you know, an increased education. People are getting married in a different way. They’ve typically already moved in together.

And so I love a cash fund. That is my long-winded way of saying this, and it’s, I think it’s so, uh, unfair when people are like. Why aren’t they asking for cash? That’s tacky. No, the, the way we view weddings has fundamentally changed. Mm-hmm. I already have a blender. My partner already has a blender. You don’t need to buy me a blender as a wedding gift.

That is the third blender that I don’t need. I’ve already established my independent life.

Christa Innis: Yes. Two things that I always see about cash funds anytime I post about it, either or like, like. I should say showers or registries. Right. People, one can’t understand when a bride in a traditional heteronormative relationship would want their groom.

There would want a guy there like, why? Why? Why are guides there? That’s one question I always see, and the other one I always see is I’m not paying for a honeymoon, I’m not paying for this, and I go. What if you give money at a wedding, you don’t have control over what they use it for. They can use it for their lunch tomorrow.

They could use it for bedsheets or they could use it for a pina colada on the beach. Why does that matter? Right.

Tori Dunlap: Well, and let’s be honest, if you buy me a blender and I already have a blender, I am going. To the store, returning the blender and getting the money, getting the cash. So, so just gimme the money.

But it’s also like we have all of these sites, I think Zola’s one of ’em, right? That’ll say, okay, you can buy the couple dinner on their honeymoon. Yeah. And like, I love that because it feels like ultimately it’s just money, right? But it feels a little bit more like, okay, I am buying this person something.

I’m buying them an experience on their honeymoon. I am helping them contribute to their down payment on a house fund. Um, so that’s a nice kind of happy medium of. I’m gifting them this experience. Does it go into a big cash fund? Yeah, it does. But I am buying them this experience that they can now do on their honeymoon or after, you know, getting married.

So I think that, yeah, I just hate the whole, like, cash is tacky. I’m like, no it’s not. The entire concept of marriage is so different than it was 50 years ago. Mm-hmm. Everything’s different. Um. So, yeah, I just, I hate, I hate that whole narrative.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that. Okay. All right. Back to the rapid fire.

Okay. Splurge. Yeah. Sorry. No, you’re good. No, I love it. I love the, I love the discourse, uh, splurge on honeymoon or save it for a house.

Tori Dunlap: I think it’s up to you. It’s up to the couple. Um, if buying a home is really important, great. Again, it’s a trade off, right? I really want a house, so I’m okay doing a less crazy honeymoon.

Nope. I really wanna travel. I wanna have a once in a lifetime travel experience. I don’t, I’m not interested in buying a house or that doesn’t make sense for us. Or I’d rather rent. Okay. Great. Crazy honeymoon. It is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love it. Uh, bigger emergency fund before the wedding or after.

Tori Dunlap: Um, I mean, if you can do it before, do it before.

Um, but this is again where we hopefully are saving a separate wedding fund from our emergency fund. Your emergency fund is truly for emergencies. It is for when shit hits the fan. If you’re familiar with my work, you know, it’s the number one thing I counsel people to do. It’s the first financial goal you should be saving for.

Um. But if that is separate, that is gonna be separate from the amount of money you’re spending on the wedding.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. All right. I got two more. Pay off debt first or save for the wedding.

Tori Dunlap: It depends on the kind of debt. If you’re in credit card debt, that is really expensive and we wanna get that paid off, uh, before we prioritize saving more aggressively.

However, my answer for a lot of things is like, why not both? If you can do both at the same time, especially if the wedding’s getting closer. I don’t want you just so focused on paying off your debt that you suddenly have a $50,000 wedding that you will have to go back into debt for. Yeah. So if we can do both, do both.

Christa Innis: Okay. All right, and last one, split. The wedding costs 50 50 or based on income.

Tori Dunlap: Oh, I love this one. I think. Most things, if not all things in a relationship should be split based on your income. Mm-hmm. Um, I have been very vocal about this. I’m a multimillionaire. I make a lot more money than my partner. My partner makes about $65,000 a year.

So we are in very different tax brackets and everything from, uh, you know, a big deal from getting married to just splitting, you know, the cost of a trip. We have a conversation and it is. Almost, it’s never 50 50 because that’s not equitable. I’m not looking for equal, I’m looking for equitable. Yeah. So I make a lot more than he does.

Uh, it is my responsibility to spend more, uh, than he he does. Right? It does not make sense to like split our rent 50 50. So maybe it’s 70, 30, 80 20. You guys get to figure that out. But, uh. Nobody is walking into a marriage with the exact same financial situation as somebody else, the exact same amount of debt, the exact same salary with benefits, the exact same, uh, earning potential even I.

So that is something definitely that you should chat about with your partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. I learned that from you as well. Like that’s how my partner and I’ve, I’ve always worked everything. ’cause we’re like, it doesn’t, I love it. It’s not fair to be completely 50% if we make different money. So I love that.

When Your Wedding Turns into a Nightmare

Okay, let’s jump into this week’s story submission. So what we do is just, I’ll just read a story, we’ll kind of stop and react to it. Um, and we’ll just go with the flow. I know we’re kind of running along on time, so hopefully you’re okay on time for a little bit. Okay. Perfect. Okay. This says, we were so excited to have finally chosen our wedding venue and secured our date planning could officially begin.

We were assigned a venue coordinator and scheduled a meeting with her to go over all the details. The meeting went great and we felt we left feeling confident. But the very next day we received an email saying, our coordinator had accepted a new job, and we’d be assigned a new one. Here we go. Oh gosh. We were told not to worry.

All the information from our meeting, the venue layout, choices, ceremony, and reception were all shared with her. They would be passed along to this new coordinator. A few weeks later, we received an introduction email from our newly assigned coordinator. She encouraged us to reach out with any questions and scheduled our final meeting with her before the wedding.

Naturally, we had several questions, so I emailed her and waited. Weeks went by without a response. I sent a follow up message. Still nothing. I tried calling, no answer. Eventually, I contacted the head coordinator at the venue who informed me that our coordinator was on leave just weeks before our wedding.

We would be assigned another new coordinator. Gosh. Okay. Uh, when we finally met the third coordinator, we discovered that the information from our original meeting had been completely mixed up. Even worse, we were now being told that some of what we told what we were originally were told was not correct.

It was a total mess. Fast forward to our wedding weekend. Oh my gosh. I can’t believe like nothing was figured out before the wedding weekend. Okay. We were hit with a surprise charge from the venue that had never been disclosed and we were not financially prepared. We ended up maxing out our credit cards just to finish paying off the wedding.

Oh no.

This is a nightmare situation. Oh, okay. If you guys can’t, if you guys are just listening, can’t see the, the video, Tori just, oh, I’m having a full meltdown. Oh gosh. Uh, gosh. Here we go. Okay. So they ended up maxing out credit cards just to finish paying off the wedding because we were told the event couldn’t proceed until it was fully paid.

That’s like unheard of. Why would they just all of a sudden. Say that to them. They didn’t offer any payment plans either. That seems very odd. One of the wildest moments was when we were told after paying for a ceiling treatment, wait, what? That we would also need to pay an additional fee to have it installed or they building a new building for them.

Tori Dunlap: I mean a ceiling treatment being like, you know, tool or ribbon, like hung from the ceiling. That’s what, in my head, ceiling treatment

Christa Innis: maybe. No. Yeah. You know what? You might, you

Tori Dunlap: might be right. I

Christa Innis: think that’s

Tori Dunlap: it.

Christa Innis: I’m like

Tori Dunlap: picturing them building out a whole new, at first I, oh, see. Yeah. And at first I was like, are they taking like the popcorn off the ceiling or some shit?

Like Yeah. Like what?

Christa Innis: That is insane. So then there, so is the question,

Tori Dunlap: what

Christa Innis: to do. So it’s like they’re not only paying for this item, they’re paying for it to be installed, which you would think that would be included in that price. Um, we told them to remove it from the invoice ’cause we simply couldn’t afford to pay for something we thought we had already bought because it was supposed to be included at the reception.

The coordinator who was supposed to be there never showed up. Oh my gosh. I would be literal. Okay. This is terrible. The venue staff were rude to my family during setup. I had planned for lawn games during cocktail hour, but when my mom started setting them up, one of the staff members said, why are you setting those up?

Don’t do that. No one will play them. My poor mom decided it wasn’t worth the fight and just didn’t set them up, which upset me. The bartenders were rude to the guests and didn’t even have enough of what we ordered for our specialty cocktails. The venue only set six chairs at each table instead of eight.

Was this their first venue or first wedding? Like it seems like they don’t know what to do. Um, as shown on our seating chart. So guests left without places to sit. People were literally carrying chairs from table to table to sit with their group. Finally, it was time to cut the cake, the cake cutting, set the venue.

Um, set by the venue was supposed to provide and was then nowhere to be found. Oh, there’s their cake cutting set. Someone had to run and grab a random knife so they could cut our cake. Despite all the chaos, we absolutely loved our wedding, but wow. It was definitely a wild ride. I love when they’re so positive at the end.

I’m like,

Tori Dunlap: no, I, I was hoping, I was like, please tell me you at least had a good time. Jesus.

Christa Innis: Oh,

Tori Dunlap: okay.

Christa Innis: Like what do you do in that situation?

Tori Dunlap: I got it. I’m gonna fix this person’s entire life. Okay, love it. Okay, here we go. First thing, um, is. Gather every single piece of documentation you have about everything that went wrong.

Mm. So everything of like those emails that you never got a response to, um, the document. Okay. There was no, there was no cake cutting. There was no not enough chairs. There was an additional fee, even though, like, hopefully you have notes from the original call. Yeah. And hopefully you have a date on those notes.

So we’re gonna go, yeah, I’m going full like. Detective, FBI here. Okay? So you need full documentation of everything. So that’s the first thing. So gather all of that documentation. The second thing you’re gonna do is you are gonna go to the venue. And you’re going to ask them to make it right. This is their first opportunity.

Okay. Is you’re going to gratitude sandwich again. Mm-hmm. Um, thank you for doing, you know, find some nice things that they did about, uh, thank you for, you know, taking care of us. I wouldn’t say even say even taking care of us ’cause they didn’t, um, thank you for hosting our special day. We appreciate you did this and this and this and you’re then gonna go a full, like, block of an email.

Um, this was not right. This was the expectation set. We felt extremely unsupported. There was additional costs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is what we expect. You’re gonna ask for a full refund on the wedding, a full refund. Yes. They’re probably gonna tell you no, but you’re gonna ask for a full refund on the wedding if you get hostility back.

You’re gonna go to your credit card company and you’re going to dispute the charge. This is rule number three. So credit cards, one of the best things about credit cards is when used responsibly, they’re incredible tools for situations like this. Mm, I spent this money and did not get what, uh, what I asked for, or the expectation I was charged this amount of money.

It’s like, okay, I was double charged by this company. For no reason. Right? Yeah. You get to dispute the charge. So you’re gonna call your credit card company, you’re gonna tell them everything. You’re gonna be like, I have documentation, I have receipts. I can send them all to you, and you’re gonna dispute the charge.

So the biggest two things is you’re gonna go back and forth with the venue, right. And you’re gonna get, it’s not even Karen, because you’re asking for something that’s totally understandable. Mm-hmm. But you’re gonna be like, I. If you don’t make this right, I’m not gonna be able to recommend this venue. I, I’m going to be basically forced to leave a poor review.

This was not a pleasurable experience and I need you to make it right. You, you know, you did not offer me a coordinator. You, I did not hear from them four weeks. Uh, there were additional charges that were not transparent. Um, if you have the contract right, you hopefully signed a contract with a vendor, go through the contract, see what was in the contract versus what wasn’t.

Um, and then again, hopefully they refund you at least partially. If you either don’t get a refund or just get a partial refund, go dispute it with your credit card. Hope this helps.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh, Rob, that perfect advice. ’cause that is just, I feel like so many times unreal when it gets stories sent from brides.

They’re just like looking back on it and be like, this sucks. And just feel like they have to deal with it. I love it. No, I will give

Tori Dunlap: anybody listening if something does not go right at your wedding. That was in somebody’s control. Not the weather, not, you know, uh, something crazy, but like in their control.

Mm-hmm. Negotiate it. Yeah, negotiate it every single time. Um, I know somebody who literally got their wedding basically 50% off. Like the photographer didn’t show up on time, so they were like, Hey, I want half off the photos. Um, like the venue was supposed to have this, it didn’t. They negotiated 25% off of that, like mm-hmm.

There are, so there’s already an insane upcharge as soon as you put the word wedding on anything. Mm-hmm. And you expected a service that was not completed, therefore you should not have to pay the full amount. Yeah. Like, that’s just it. Um, so if anybody’s out there. He was like, oh, but I don’t wanna be an inconvenience.

No, you spent your hard-earned money and this person went into debt. They match to try to pay for this. Yeah. So you need to dispute it. You need to have a conversation. Anytime something goes wrong and it’s, you know, significant enough, it’s not like, I don’t know. Oh, the, the tablecloth were slightly the wrong color.

No, that’s too, that’s too minuscule. Right? But if something significant goes wrong that impacts your, or your guest experience. Negotiate it.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Tori Dunlap: negotiate it.

Christa Innis: I love it. I love it. ’cause I think most people don’t even feel like they have the opportunity to do that. I learned that from you too. Is like where you can like call like reg, like phone bills or like internet bill.

Yep. Call them, you know, never just completely like accept something without calling and looking into it first. And you made a good point too about when you have meetings like this, whether it’s a wedding or anything else, like a big. Large sum of money, write things down, record things, document it, have email, um, because I think a lot of times things happen on the phone.

I had a crazy, this is what

Tori Dunlap: I recommend for work too, is like, okay, if I have a conversation with somebody on the phone, I will send them a follow up email of like, Hey, it was so great to talk to you as a reminder to both of us. Here’s everything we discussed. Yeah. Because then I have a timestamp, I have, uh, correspondence that they, they have received it, right?

Mm-hmm. So unless they email back and they’re like, no, that’s not correct. Uh, we assume that we’re on the same page, so then you have documentation of all of it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I, this is a very small side story, but I learned my lesson with this recently. We were sending up for, um, self-employment insurance or whatever.

And this guy I noticed was only on the phone and then things didn’t go through, but he, I got like triple charged and all of a sudden it was like this crazy like scam thing, but I had no emails to show it. I’m like, I swear, this is what he said to me. And so now I’m like, okay, I’m never just going on the phone with an insurance guy.

I need proof.

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, and again, a lot of these conversations do happen in person or over the phone. So take notes while they’re happening in a notebook or on your phone, and then I know it seems tedious and hopefully you won’t need them, but you’re gonna then email everybody you talk to and be like, Hey, thank you so much.

You can do this at work. Again, this is at work, this is in your wedding and planning, just going, Hey, here’s everything we discussed today. If any of this is incorrect, please let me know. So looking forward to seeing you again, meeting with you again. You have to have documentation of it because it really comes in handy for situations like this.

Hot Takes, Hard Truths

Christa Innis: Yes, I love that. Okay, one final thing. People send me their wedding hot takes, so I’m gonna read just two of them and just gimme your, your quick opinion on them. I know we probably covered some of these, but this person said, spending the equal amount of a down payment for a house on a wedding is insane.

This is a really like controversial thing I think. If you can afford it,

Tori Dunlap: fine. I think if it only gets controversial if you can’t afford it. And again, I think, um, some people don’t wanna be homeowners or they can’t be homeowners, so it’s, it, I, personal finance is personal. That’s what I always say at her first center.

Yeah. Um, but if you’re going into debt, yeah, absolutely not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, last one. Oh, okay. This is gonna be like a personal, but, uh, this says, uh, real flowers are the biggest waste of money. Go without and get artificial ones as they last.

Tori Dunlap: Again, if it’s important to you, I think real flowers would be important to me at my wedding because I love them.

Um, but I live in Seattle where Pi place market is. This is what a lot of people do in Seattle, um, is they don’t get, you know, the florist and the crazy things is they’ll go the day before. Go down to pipe place market, get basically the farm fresh flowers that are there and then you know, have their crafty mom or mother-in-law.

With them, like put the bouquets together. Great way to get fresh flowers on a budget. Um, but you can also, I’ve seen like people do fresh flowers with, uh, faux flowers or, you know, prioritize. Okay, I’m gonna have a big bouquet, but my bridesmaids are just gonna carry, you know, eucalyptus or something like that.

That’s let’s, you know, less expensive. Um. Again, if you can afford it and it’s a priority for you, great. It just means you maybe can’t, you can’t have something else that you might want to.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just telling someone, one of the prettiest bouquets I saw at a wedding, I was helping with the wedding once total DIY on a campground, and we pulled wild flowers, love the day before.

Yeah. And threw ’em on the tables. Love it. And they looked so beautiful. So just gotta do what you work, can work with.

Tori Dunlap: Just keep in mind, I have a good friend who’s a florist and she’s seen the horror stories of, um, if you have a bunch of beautiful flowers and it’s going to be hot at the wedding, yeah, those flowers will wilt like nobody’s business.

So, uh, if you’re getting married in the middle of the summer, uh, in Italy. Just understand that your flowers, your venue’s gonna have to understand what to do with those flowers so that they don’t wilt, you know? Yeah. Like, you just ha need to have that expectation too.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Something I definitely think about.

Well, thank you so much for coming on. I, like, I, I’m always like learning so much from you. I, like I said, I’m a huge fan of your podcast. I have your book. Thank you. I just, um, the information, the content you share is just so, so important for women, not only just women, but. Women to learn and I just really appreciate your time.

Tori Dunlap: Thank you so much for having me.

Christa Innis: Um, so one last thing. Can you just tell everyone where they can find your work, follow you, and then anything exciting that you’re working on?

Tori Dunlap: Yeah, so her first a hundred k is where you can find me her first hundred k.com, or at her first hundred K. We have over 5 million other financial feminists who would love to come see you.

Um, financial Feminist is the name of my book and podcast, so wherever you’re listening right now, you’ll find financial feminists there too. Um, and we always have a lot of really cool stuff we’re working on. I think. My favorite thing right now is we launched, uh, one of our programs called the a hundred K Club, and it’s basically all of the resources you need to get your first a hundred k.

So for people trying to pay off debt, trying to learn how to spend mindfully trying to save, um, we have an incredible community. We do live events, we do coaching with me. Um, and so yeah, you can find all the information at her first hundred k.com.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Thank you so much.

Tori Dunlap: Thank you.

Bye.

by Christa Innis

Queer Fashion, Wedding Etiquette and a SIL Showdown with Kati Kons

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

What happens when a bride’s sister demands the wedding photos be moved — because she’s pregnant? This episode dives into a real-life story filled with family tension, wedding day stress, and boundary crossing. Christa and Kati unpack the drama behind the scenes: from feelings of entitlement to unspoken rivalries and the pressure of making a wedding day perfect for everyone.

If you’ve ever wondered how far you should bend for family or what’s really acceptable at weddings, this episode is for you. Plus, they share honest reflections on friendship, jealousy, and the tricky art of RSVP etiquette.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:18 Bridesmaid Experiences and Challenges

02:46 Bridesmaid Dress Shopping Stories

05:23 Financial Expectations for Bridesmaids

08:34 Non-Traditional Wedding Choices

10:48 Fashion and Color Theory

14:01 Growing Up in Chicago Suburbs

15:14 Privacy and Online Safety

16:37 Meet Kati: The Queer Fashion Stylist

19:48 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire

28:31 Kati’s Wedding Planning

34:25 Rapid Fire Questions

38:36 Diving into Wedding Stories

39:48 Rant on Formal Attire Norms

40:55 Queer Fashion at Weddings

44:13 Navigating Wedding Dress Codes

51:56 Wedding Story: Sibling Rivalry

55:31 Reacting to Wedding Drama

58:32 The Importance of Communication

01:04:48 Reflecting on Wedding Etiquette

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Photo Location Drama — Should a bride accommodate a pregnant sister’s request to move photo shoots on the wedding day?
  • Family Tension and Silent Rivalry — Exploring possible jealousy and competition between siblings at weddings.
  • When Love Isn’t Transactional — Discussing the expectation of reciprocity in wedding roles and attendance.
  • The Importance of RSVP Etiquette — How a simple “yes” or “no” can save the bride and groom headaches.
  • Photographer vs. Planner Roles — Why having a dedicated wedding planner is crucial to avoid chaos.
  • Pregnancy and Wedding Participation — Respecting health and energy limits without guilt-tripping.
  • Friendship Boundaries Post-Wedding — Navigating hurt feelings when friends can’t attend your big day.
  • Legal Marriage vs. Long-Term Partnerships — When wedding guest lists exclude “non-married” partners, and why that’s problematic.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Love is not transactional. If it feels that way, then maybe you shouldn’t go.” – Christa Innis
  • “It’s wild to ask a bride to change the logistics of her entire wedding day for someone else.”  – Kati Kons
  • “Sometimes people feel like they’re owed something just for showing up.” – Kati Kons
  • “Weddings aren’t about competition — they’re about celebration.”  – Kati Kons
  • “Marriage doesn’t change your life overnight; it’s more like a party you throw for yourself.”  – Kati Kons
  • “The wedding day is about the couple, not anyone else’s agenda.” – Christa Innis
  • “RSVPs are important — they’re not just polite, they’re necessary.” – Christa Innis

About Kati:

Kati Kons is a queer wedding fashion stylist based in Washington, D.C. They specialize in helping queer individuals find affirming and non-traditional attire for weddings and other formal events. Kati works with nearlyweds, guests, and vendors, guiding them through the process of finding attire that reflects their personal style and identity. They are known for their inclusive and affirming approach to wedding fashion, particularly for those who may not find themselves represented in traditional wedding attire.

Follow Kati Kons:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Okay, so we were just talking like while before recording and so we’re like, you know, let’s just start. And of course here I am the planner. I have to start like introducing it even though we said like, let’s just start talking. Um, anyways, we were talking about bridesmaids being a bridesmaid because I said last week my person had a hot take that said, if you like your friends, don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid.

And I’ve been a bridesmaid like nine times. You said you’ve been one once and that was enough for you.

Kati Kons: Yeah, that was totally enough. Like I’m done. Yeah. Well, and it was for my sister. It was not even like a friend. So funny.

Christa Innis: All your friends listening are like, okay.

Bridesmaids, Budgets & Boundaries: Rethinking the Wedding Party

Kati Kons: I also got married two weeks ago and didn’t have a wedding party.

So,

Christa Innis: see, and I, it’s funny because like the older I get now, I’m like, there are certain things that like, I’m like, I would do so differently. Mm-hmm. I loved having my wedding party, but, but like, I feel like if I were to get married today, I’d be like, you know what? If you wanna be like, wear a certain color, but I’m not gonna have you guys do all that extra stuff.

I don’t know, I kind of just, it does complicate things a little bit.

Kati Kons: And like what, like what complicate, what does it complicate?

Christa Innis: I feel like not my own wedding. ’cause I feel like I, again, like I was one of the last, one of last of my friends to get married. So like, I had been in so many weddings over the years and I saw kind of like drama that happened with bridesmaids stress, with bridesmaid dress shopping.

Oh, I’ve, I got stories about that. Um, just crazy stuff where I was just like, I don’t wanna deal with this. So, for example, like the bridesmaid dress shopping, it was like. You’d go in with a bride that had no clue what she wanted. Right. And so like, everyone ha shares their opinion. Everyone picks their favorite dress.

It’s like bridesmaids the movie. Right? So it’s like everyone’s picking their own dress and like, this fits me the best. This color’s best for me. Too many opinions. As a bride, you need to know if we’re gonna have bridesmaid dresses. No. Kind of the vibe you want. So I was like, we’re going online. You have to set

Kati Kons: some boundaries.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So for me, I was like, we’re going online. I literally sent them a link to Birdie Gray and I was like, pick something in this color. Pick whatever style you like for your body. Do you?

Kati Kons: Yeah, no, that is, that is good. Um, I, um, one of my clients is a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding and didn’t know what to wear and came to me asking me to style them and was like, oh, uh, the bride doesn’t have any parameters whatsoever.

And I said, not even color. And she goes, oh yeah, I guess she gave us green and blue. I said green or blue. Not even like, not even like a shade, either one. There was, there was absolutely no parameter and no dress type. It doesn’t have to be a dress even. It can be pants, it can be anything. Um, which is great.

I like, I love flexibility, but at the same time, it’s like, you know, she has an idea of what she wants to wear and she has an idea of what standing out means. But I feel like. Everyone’s interpretation of like standing out and like being interesting at the same time, which is what bridesmaids want to do is be interesting, but not stand out too much.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Is like

Kati Kons: different in everyone else’s heads. And I feel like that’s really challenging balance to, like, it’s a balancing act and it’s really hard to strike that balance when you don’t communicate that with the bride.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the

Kati Kons: bride doesn’t communicate exactly what she wants. So I’m like trying really hard to help her with this task, especially when I’m not in communication with the bride myself.

Christa Innis: So, yeah, that’s hard when there’s a middle person. Yeah. I feel like a lot of the stories I hear or see it all comes down to communication too. ’cause it’s like if a bride, you know, maybe is like, maybe there’s a weird tension with one of the bridesmaids or something, and then the one bridesmaid like picks a dress that’s like a loud color or something, but they never really communicate what the expectations were of being a bridesmaid or vice versa.

It’s hard to like. Get on the same page if they don’t communicate, I don’t know. Or if it’s like a husband’s cousin or something, so they’re not close.

Kati Kons: I just also feel like it’s really hard when you’re like a bridesmaid and there’s like some people that are like, oh, I can afford to pay $400 for a dress, and other people can’t.

And it’s like, how do you shove the expectation on people to like pay for some things and not other people? I don’t know. It’s so challenging. So I had another client subsidize her bridesmaids where she was like, oh, I want them in like $600 dresses, so I’m gonna give them $500 each and they’re gonna have to pay the rest of the way, or whatever.

Okay. And I was like, that’s a really good idea. But then she was like. But I want them in $800 shoes. And I was like, girl, oh my gosh, that’s like a crime. You can’t do that. Um, and so we had to have a conversation about expectations. But anyways, um, that was, uh, it was, it was really nice on her end to be like, oh, I wanna subsidize part of the way because she wanted a certain look to like her, she wanted her bridesmaids to look a certain way and like have a certain aesthetic that she knew couldn’t be done with a smaller budget.

And so Right. That was definitely a great way to like ensure that at least it was there in some respect. Right,

Christa Innis: right. And

Kati Kons: I think not a lot of brides prioritize that. And I think they should.

Christa Innis: Well, yeah, and I feel like I’ve heard that a lot. It’s like they have all these expectations, but don’t kinda look at the budget of each individual person.

Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like, I look back at weddings I was in in my early twenties, and I think the first couple, they were pretty good. Like where it was like, okay, we were all just like right outta college. We were all pretty broke, you know? Mm-hmm. Exactly. And then as you kind of get a little bit older, like maybe you’re a little more in your career, but definitely mid twenties when I was in my wedding in weddings, I was still was spending way outta my budget because it was like bachelorette party, you’re, you’re paying for bridal shower, you’re buying gifts for each thing.

It all just adds up. And I was in weddings where brides wanted very specific. Most were, I would say most were laid back, but it was like very specific colors. Mm-hmm. And styles of shoes or something. Luckily not $800, so I couldn’t complain too much. But that’s why when it got time for mine, again, it was like a $99 dress.

I know on the website, I think my maid of honor, her dress was like 40 because they had like a sale. And I was like, buy yours now. Buy yours now. And so I was like, I want everyone to feel comfortable, like, yeah, wear shoes you already have, don’t spend extra money. I

Kati Kons: mean, like, we’re me and my friends, what’s so funny is like I’m, I’m 25, like we’re not, we’re not 22, 25 is like young, but like, I mean, we’re being the first being married out of our, all of the friends, you know, I feel like this responsibility to make everything cheap.

And we didn’t do bachelorette parties. We didn’t do any of, we didn’t do wedding parties. We didn’t make anyone pay for things. The only thing is we wanted people to be here. Yep. And, and, and, yeah. And we, they were here, you know? Yep. And that was awesome for us. We didn’t do a registry even, we didn’t ask people, we didn’t do bridal showers.

We didn’t do any of that. Um, which we didn’t. We’re non-traditional people, so that didn’t feel like we needed to do that at all. Um, but like, I don’t know, paying for things seems like such a big thing right now because of the economy, you know? But like, if I were, if I were like, I don’t know, I’m, I’m, I don’t feel like I’m millennial, but like if I were a millennial and I was like getting married in the time when all the millennials were getting married, like if I were my sister and like, I don’t know, everyone was doing those things.

And like I had the choice between like a $4,000 wedding dress and a $6,000 wedding dress and that $2,000 delta. Or I could take the $2,000 and subsidize my bridesmaid’s wedding or their dresses Yeah. To like get them to wear something much cooler. I would do that. I. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like people don’t do that and they should.

As a fashion stylist, I feel like if you’re gonna dictate what your wedding party is wearing, it better be something much higher fashion, you know? Mm-hmm. 

Styling Weddings with Color Theory & Confidence

I had to wear, when I was a bridesmaid, a very boring dress. It was like just a plain sage green. How long

Christa Innis: ago? A plain sage green, you said?

Kati Kons: Yeah.

Christa Innis: How long ago was the

Kati Kons: wedding?

Uh, it was April, 2020. Uh, f*ck. 2022.

Christa Innis: Okay. So like three years ago. So I was thinking like when my, the first wedding I was in, which was, oh my God, I feel so old saying this. 14 years ago, like 13 years ago, I was a junior in college. Anyways, it was that everyone had the same bridesmaid dress style. Yeah. We all

Kati Kons: had the same one too, and that was three years ago.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I can you imagine? Yeah.

Kati Kons: Sorry.

Christa Innis: I love the individual going on. I love the individuality now. I love, I’ve been in a lot of weddings where we all wore the same dress and then it started moving to like wear the same color but different styles. Mm-hmm. Mine was like, pretty much wear the same color or same color, but there was like three color options in the same family.

It was like mauves, whatever. Yeah,

Kati Kons: yeah, yeah. That’s cool. But,

Christa Innis: but yeah, I was, but I see, the thing is, if I had a stylist, I feel like I would be one I love now where they have like different colors, but it just goes together. Mm-hmm. I’m not like, I don’t have the eye for that, so I’m just like, you know what, pick one off.

There’s,

Kati Kons: there’s a very easy way to do that. It’s so easy and all you have to do is play with the color wheel a little bit. Because like, you don’t wanna do something. Well, first of all, you have to do a bunch of different colors. Right. But you can’t use all of the colors. You have to take like two of them out.

So if you’re gonna do like a rainbow, like take out your reds and like any your reds and anything close to a red, uh, pinks are cute oranges if only if they’re bright. Right. Don’t do like a burnt orange. Right. Okay. Like what I’m wearing right now. Like, take out your red. Yeah, but it’s like, it’s like something super warm, like a red.

Don’t do that. Right. Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay.

Kati Kons: And then you have to maintain, it’s like kind of, it’s kind of like using color theory, but like I’ve never been trained in color theory. The only, so my experience using this color theory is what I’ve been taught as an 8-year-old in art class. So, love it. Literally just like keep that in the back of your mind as I tell you this.

Is that the way that I do it? Is like complimentary colors are like opposite colors on the color wheel.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: Um, and you would use like bright, you know how you would use bright colors with darker colors, right. And opposite colors.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: Um, you would just basically play with that and take away one color of all of ’em, like red I said, or whichever color you don’t like, red, blue, whatever.

Okay. Um, and then play with the rest of the, and make one of ’em, not neon, but really bright, um, as your accent color.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Kati Kons: I feel like we should, I feel like I should show you this as in real time, but um, here

Christa Innis: I’ll just show you my purse. You are like, let me just like whip something together.

Kati Kons: Yeah. Oh, this is a, is this a good example?

This doesn’t have any blues on it.

Christa Innis: Okay. So yeah, because it all goes together because you’re not take, you’re taking out one of the main Yeah. I wanna start like, noticing this and like looking around because so many fashion is all

Kati Kons: just observing if you Yeah, I was just having this conversation with someone today.

Oops. Fashion is just observing. Um, but yeah, color theory is interesting. It’s just like, um, like, you know how, you know, the, when I was young, they always taught in color class and art class. I used to talk about all the time, uh, the sports teams, uh, football team jerseys. Mm. Like if you think about marketing in, uh, sports, uh, like the Seattle Seahawks, the like neon green and the navy blue.

Mm-hmm. That’s like a very intentional marketing thing. Um. What else? I always thought that like the Vikings, the, the gold and the purple a very bad choice. And the Packers is now, it’s iconic, being gold and green, but I feel like is also a bad choice.

Christa Innis: That was my high school colors. Oh God. We were the Gators.

Where are you from? Uh, Chicago suburb.

Bridesmaid Drama & Digital Boundaries

Kati Kons: Oh really? Me too. Oh yeah. Well, let’s talk about that. I now I’m scared. Where, where are we from? Are we from the same suburb? Are are we neighbors? No. My God. Wait, who’s the Gators? Do I know? The Gators? Let me think. Me and also my partner. I might

Christa Innis: even pull this out ’cause I’m like so secretive about where

Kati Kons: I live.

I don’t, I don’t know if I know the Gators. So let me think about this for a minute.

Christa Innis: There’s the Florida Gators, you know,

Kati Kons: Stevenson?

Christa Innis: Stevenson.

Kati Kons: Oh, nevermind. I feel like Stevenson was green. That’s why I, oh, Stevenson

Christa Innis: High School. I’ve heard of that.

Kati Kons: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Who did I just meet? I just met someone that said they went to Stevenson.

Someone messaged me on. TikTok. So if you’re listening, Hey, uh, she messaged me, I think she said she went to Stevenson and she was like, you talk about being from Chicago on your podcast. And I was like, oh, I didn’t realize I did that, but yeah.

Kati Kons: What suburb is it?

Christa Innis: Huh?

Kati Kons: What suburb is it?

Christa Innis: I’ll tell you when we don’t record, or I guess I can take it out.

Oh, that’s

Kati Kons: fine. That’s so fair. I mean, I guess like, I don’t think, I’m never gonna live there again. I am in Washington DC right now, and yeah, I feel like, I don’t know. I got docs on the internet a couple months ago in which people found my old Instagram account and I deleted it by now. But like they found my old Instagram account, they found a bunch of old sh*t on the internet from me and like put my address on the internet.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. That’s like my nightmare.

Kati Kons: It was like kind of bad. Um, long story short, don’t, um. Do a lot of things that I did, which is actually, actually don’t, don’t be a right wing troll on the internet. How about that? Um, anyways, yeah. Um, I literally was about to do something anyways, don’t don docx people on the internet.

Thank you. Yes. And then, uh, so I feel like that’s fine. But I grew up in a suburb of Chicago, not yours though, because I think I would’ve known by now. Because I don’t know a gator in that area. But anyways,

Christa Innis: people are gonna be like searching like gators. I don’t live there now, so it doesn’t really matter.

But I’m like, I’m like very private online, and I’m like, if people seek No, you should be, no, I

Kati Kons: think

Christa Innis: that’s a really

Kati Kons: good thing

Christa Innis: because there’s just like, like what you just said. Um, I had a girl on here that said,

Kati Kons: I was like, the f*ck. But it, uh, it’s a good thing because I, uh, and you should know this for the future, if you ever get docs, you can request to scrub things from Google.

And so I did and it was gone. Oh,

Christa Innis: well, there you go. All right. Well that’s a, that’s a good lesson. Yeah.

Kati Kons: Yeah. And I’m so sorry for derailing the conversation like four times, but, um,

ADHD, Creativity & Queer Wedding Fashion

Christa Innis: oh my gosh. You’re, uh, let’s, let’s go back, well, since we kind of just jumped in, can we just like introduce who you are and what you do?

I know we kind of went backwards, but I, um, I feel like it would give more context to why we’re talking about styling so much. So tell us about your brand, who you are and all that good stuff.

Kati Kons: I am Kati. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, um, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, um, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress.

Um, to clarify. Um, and what were your other questions? I have a DHD. I just already lost it. Oh, good. I

Christa Innis: think that’s why we’re vibing so well. I haven’t, okay. I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but my whole life I’m like, I’m pretty sure I have a DD or a DHD. No. Then you probably do. It’s, I get like, either very focused or I’m just like, woo, where are we?

What are

Kati Kons: we talking about? Yes. That’s a DHD. It’s, it’s not the lack of focus, it’s the reregulation of it. Right? Yeah. If

Christa Innis: I don’t plan out my day. I’m all over it. That’s why I’m a planner. That’s why I love planning sh*t, because if I don’t, I am.

Kati Kons: That’s really good. I, I don’t, I really should plan out my day because when I do it, I’m so on, you know?

Yes, yes. That’s the thing.

Christa Innis: I think people don’t think we have the capabil, I say we now. I’m like, now I’m a part of the a d We don’t, people don’t get us. No. Um, yeah.

Kati Kons: It’s okay.

Christa Innis: No, it’s just like, I think like the

Kati Kons: diagnosis is just a label.

Christa Innis: Okay. It’s just a label. Yeah. No, I just feel like once I was really able to like get organized, that’s when I was like, okay, that’s my magic power.

I can get organized and I can get stuff done if I don’t, you able

Kati Kons: to like control your brain is just an unmatched thing. Yeah. It’s crazy. Once you be able to, once you’re able to like literally control, wield your power, it’s. I just feel like it’s your brain is actually able to do more than other people.

I can’t explain it, but yes, sometimes my

Christa Innis: husband’s like, like, I’ll like bring up something else I’m working on. And he’s like, aren’t you already doing this? And I’m like, I don’t even know what just happened. Like, I just get outta the, I full disclosure. Right. Right now we have a, we have a two bedroom, so I work from, I’m in my closet.

Fun fact. So we gotta make spaces work. Um, and so I will come out of our room and I’m like, I just, I just got so much done and like I’ll like show him. He’s like, how did you do that? And I’m like, I focus mode, but if I don’t have a plan and I waste like a couple hours, I’m like so hard on myself. I’m like, what?

Kati Kons: Yeah. I feel like it’s like, I don’t know if, if I’m on, I can like do more than most people and if I am just like, uh, so not focused. I like waste so much time. It’s so terrible. But yeah, I feel something. Um, what was your,

Reshaping Non-Traditional Wedding Fashion

 what I, did I have to introduce?

Christa Innis: Yeah. So. So talk about portrait of a bride on Fire. How you got started, how you got into it.

Yeah, how I got started.

Kati Kons: Okay. Um, well, I got started because I got engaged and I identify as like somewhere in between, like female and non-binary. It just kind of depends on the moment. Um, and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment, I guess.

Uh, like, yeah. And so, but I, but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really, really into like wedding dresses and I got really into like the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was like, there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.

Right?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.

’cause like to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, I don’t know, like on Etsy that you had to order mm-hmm. From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no like even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.

Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like nothing in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I started like kind of, I wanted to get into like what I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.

But I wanted, I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. Um, and so I kind of started, um, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s kind of how I got into it, is like I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.

Um, you know, they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. Um mm-hmm. And so that’s how I started is I started in like wedding fashion and now I do like wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.

And then I also do personal styling on the side, and I do some like. Like red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than um, the other two things. Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah, I do kind of a lot of things because I just kind of take on things that I wanna do and I don’t, and I only, I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.

So,

Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I, I remember. When I was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, I, um, I’m a, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I was like, the jump, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.

Good. Because they like looked like kind of dresses. So it like, looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was like flowy. Yes. I loved it. It was so, and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. Like, you know, you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.

Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. But yeah, it was just like, so I loved, but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding.

Queer Wedding Fashion Beyond the Binary

 So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind of, like, are you looking for personally or like, do you look for like for brides or couples getting married, um, that, that come to you for that kind of unique look?

Kati Kons: Yeah. So I feel like, um. I, the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s like no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, that actually tailors their services to the queer community.

And I think that’s important, especially in pride month and like this time, day and age, when like queer people are like just being targeted left and right, right? Mm-hmm. So, but uh, to take a step back, I think like the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but like the comfort of pants, right?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: Mm-hmm. And like. Like you just described, a jumpsuit is like gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want when, but you get the, like, the prettiness of make a dress, you know, Uhhuh. Um, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the, like, I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s like, I want the grandeur of like that.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. But

Kati Kons: I don’t, but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because

Kati Kons: they feel secure in pants.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love, and I think

Kati Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: Yeah. But like suits are just like out of the f*cking question for a lot of people, so, you know.

Yes, yes. Especially ’cause like the there the options for like suits or like. Traditional man suits, which are like, you know, f*cking boxy as sh*t. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to like corporate events. You know, there’s not like a, what does it feel like?

And then there’s like the other accessible suits you find out like fast fashion places, you know, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality sh*t that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.

And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.

Redefining the Wedding Experience

Christa Innis: Do you ever like want to like work with a designer and like design like your own? I don’t know. I feel like you have such an eye for that stuff where you could like design. I do that for some

Kati Kons: clients.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: Some clients look for custom options. And I do work with designers to design custom attire when they have the budget for it.

It’s just way more expensive. Of course. So I

Christa Innis: bet. Yeah. Yeah.

Kati Kons: I love, I love that because it’s like really, really fun to go through the whole beginning to end process of being like, let’s formulate your vision. And like what’s so fun is being like being able to see where someone has a vision and being able to be like, okay, but we can make it so much cooler than that.

Like, yeah, so much cooler than what you have seen on these random Pinterest boards that are just like probably so limited. Mm-hmm. And like, let me show you some even cooler stuff. You know what I mean? Like Yeah, like let’s show you some stuff and then like, let’s draw and like, let’s do all this stuff with the designer.

Like it is so cool to watch everything develop and I’m not a designer so I can’t, like, I can’t sketch and I can’t, you know, make garments. But like seeing that chick from beginning to end is the coolest thing in the world. And then me being able to like. Pick out their shoes and like walk them through their hair and makeup and accessory.

Oh my God. It’s such a fun, it’s such a fun moment. Like putting together. Yeah. Okay. So

Christa Innis: you mentioned you just got married two weeks ago. Mm-hmm. Congratulations. So Thank you. When it came to planning or putting together your own wedding mm-hmm. Like what were things that were the bat you were like, this is what we want, and what were some things that you were like, we no, we’re definitely not doing that.

And you said no wedding party. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Kati Kons: Um, so we, uh, as young queer people, we were non-traditional in nature and we said, no florals. We did not spend any money on florals. And my, we did spend a lot of money on a photographer. Um, and my photographer is Lindsay Michelle in Boston, and she is amazing. Um, but I knew her way before because of what I do.

I knew her way before our wedding and she knows me well. So she was like, I need you to get a personal floral because I need you to have something in your hand. I need you to have a hand accessory. You’re gonna thank me later because she knows me. She knows I’m gonna want the whole look, right. Mm-hmm. I’m gonna want my whole look to be done.

And I was like, you’re right. I’m gonna want not a flo, a personal floral, I’m gonna want a purse. And so I got a purse with flowers in it. Oh, cute. Yeah. But we didn’t get any florals. And the other things that we did differently is. We did it in our apartment.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: We walked in together, no bridal party, uh, ceremony.

And then

we didn’t do like a, a dance situation. We just went to dinner afterwards. I love that. Yeah. It was pretty like chill and laid back. It was really nice.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I love when you go in like on the same page, knowing what you want. ’cause I think so many times couples get caught up with like, unsolicited advice coming in of like, you need this, do this.

And then you end up having this day where you don’t even enjoy it ’cause you’re like, I’m doing this for everybody else. Not yes. For us.

Kati Kons: And I think that’s tremendously challenging, but also I am, I said this to my partner, I don’t know if you can, uh uh. Like, if you relate to this, but I’m so lucky that I didn’t have a childhood dream of a wedding because I didn’t have to deal with any expectation around what I thought my wedding would look like.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: Uh, and I just feel as if a lot of people, especially a lot of young women, grow up with a dream of what their wedding would look like and like when you get to be in adulthood in terms of like finances and in terms of just like where you are in life and execution and, and so many different things.

Mm-hmm. It just like can turn out so different and I just, like, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s not. And like, I’m just so glad I didn’t have any expectation because I had the best f*cking day in the world, you know? I love that. Yeah. And so

Christa Innis: I just,

Kati Kons: I’m so glad I

Christa Innis: had no expectations. That’s such like good advice too.

And I’m so glad you said that because a lot of people probably don’t know this. ’cause I don’t even know if I’ve said it before, but, and then I find it surprising ’cause I have a wedding podcast or mostly like wedding content. But I was never the girl that was like, I can’t wait to get, be a bride. I can’t wait to have my wedding.

I never visualized it either. And I don’t think it was until like, being in a bunch of weddings and then like, I met my husband and like, you know, at that time we, like, we were engaged for like a hundred years. So like, we were like, kind of like knew what things we wanted and didn’t want. And so I feel like, yeah, it was just like a way different, I didn’t want the big ballroom.

Mm-hmm. I didn’t want the big Cinderella dress. I, that just wasn’t my thing. Yeah. And my parents were also ones to, they never like pressured and were like, oh, when you get married, when you do this, like, they were just never like that. And I, I’m glad because I wasn’t like, oh, I’m gonna be a princess on my day.

And I was just, I just. Never had that vision. And I remember even my makeup artist being like, you’re like the most relaxed bride I’ve ever done makeup for. And I was like, well, I figure at this point everything’s done. If something goes wrong, like we’re all here, like, yeah, have a good time. Like what am I to worry about?

Kati Kons: We always wanted, we always wanted was like we, we didn’t want the like, big event situation, but we did want is like a smaller micro wedding, like around 50 people or less. Um, but we wanted to have everyone there for like a weekend, like wherever we did, just so like we had people there for longer. So it was like a longer experience, but like a smaller amount of people so that I wasn’t like super.

Overwhelming, but that we had more time to spend so that we could like, you know, um, have a lot more experience, which I feel like is now becoming more of a thing with like, welcome parties and brunch afterwards and like, which I totally get because I think it’s so fun to spend a whole weekend with your people.

Especially, it’s like the one time everyone’s in town for you, it’s like mm-hmm. You might as well make it worth it, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: People are

Christa Innis: flying in or driving in, like have like different things set up or like plan to like hang out. I think

Kati Kons: it’s so worth it. I, and I think like a week long might be a little extra, but I’m like, at least making it a weekend I feel like would be so fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Kati Kons: it works fun, at least for us, so

Christa Innis: yeah. I love that. Okay, let’s get into, because I know we’re kind of, we’re running on our A DH ADHD time in a longer time. No. Um, okay. Let’s get, if you don’t, I hope you

Kati Kons: don’t have a, I hope you don’t have a 6:00 PM Um, no, I don’t. Okay, good. Okay. I’m good. We’re, we’re good?

We’re good. Let’s go.

Christa Innis: Just have my family where they’re fine. Okay. Rapid fire. This is just pick one or the other, whether it’s your own, I don’t know, as a, I don’t know why I’m like introducing it. Just rapid fire. Let’s just pick one. Okay. Okay. Classic ballroom wedding or outdoor garden party.

Kati Kons: Outdoor garden party.

Christa Innis: Minimalist. Chic or bold and colorful.

Kati Kons: Bold and colorful.

Christa Innis: Veil or no veil?

Kati Kons: No veil.

Christa Innis: Custom gown or off the rack.

Kati Kons: Oh sh*t.

Is this for me or a client? Either, I mean,

Christa Innis: just in general, I guess, custom gown, uh, one photographer or photography and video package, one photographer first look photos or traditional aisle reveal. First look match your wedding style or your to your home aesthetic. Yes or no? Yes. Bridesmaids. Same dress.

Different dress or totally mismatched. Mismatched statement. Shoes or statement earrings.

Kati Kons: Statement, shoes.

Christa Innis: And then what’s one style trend that you wish couples would leave behind? Like, or just, or just any trend. You’re just like sick of seeing. Oh. Um, not to put you

Kati Kons: on the spot,

I know this one’s supposed to be rapid fire and I feel like I’m blanking now. It’s okay if you don’t have one too. I feel like I don’t, which is pretty wild, but I definitely do. I’m just blanking.

Christa Innis: No, no, it’s all good. If I think

Kati Kons: about it later, we’ll bring it up.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Okay. Awesome. Um, I think, well, I feel like we talked a lot of that about the wedding hot takes as we were kind of just talking.

What does Steven earrings at weddings?

Kati Kons: I’m still, I think that’s why I am blocked is because I am literally no one wears statement earrings at weddings.

Christa Innis: Okay. This might be a dumb question. What is a statement earring? Just like a big, bold earring. Mm-hmm. Like as, like,

Kati Kons: I’m just thinking of like a statement necklace where they’re just like, chunky.

What’s a statement? Yeah. But like statement earing is like, is like Yeah. Really wild and big and people don’t really do that at weddings. Yeah. I,

I don’t know. It’s true. People don’t really wear necklaces at all at weddings anymore, though.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I wear like the mo I wore like the most simple, I I wore my mom’s. They do.

Kati Kons: It’s like a, it’s a very simple thing. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because it’s like you’re wearing this like beautiful gown or whatever you’re wearing that you want most, most of the attention on.

Kati Kons: What’s the style thing that people should be, should leave it home. I feel like the answer is so many things, honestly.

Christa Innis: You said no veil quickly. Do you think veils are outdated?

Kati Kons: Well, like j in like the theory of it? Yeah, but like, oh yeah. Like, yeah, just like a garter, like in theory. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like it’s disgusting in theory, but it’s like, I mean, it’s like cute. I mean, like, you should not have, if you, even if you have a garter, you shouldn’t do a garter toss. Like that’s disgusting. You know what I mean? But like a garter’s kind of cutie if you have the right dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I just did one for a photo.

I don’t even know if they took a photo of it now. They might have just done it with like everything. Yeah. And veil was one thing. I was like, I’m not doing a veil. I don’t wanna a veil. But then I ended up up finding one for like down the aisle. I did not cover my face or anything. Yeah.

Kati Kons: But I was just like, it’s a very, very religious thing.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: And like, that’s, that’s fine. I just feel like if you’re gonna honor that tradition, honor that tradition. But if you’re like just wearing one to wear one, I just feel like we need to separate, I feel like we need to honor the tradition if we’re gonna wear a veil. I feel like we need to not be so nonchalant about wearing veils,

Christa Innis: in my opinion.

Kati Kons: Okay. Um, but I feel like there, I feel like I do have a very hot take about. Styles for weddings. Leave the white at home maybe. Um, I literally wore white to my wedding. Um, I don’t know.

Christa Innis: You Oh, like, you think like No. What? No. White at weddings.

Kati Kons: I just feel like it’s kind of, I would love to step away from it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: Um, I don’t hate it. I just would love to step away from it. Do you ever

Christa Innis: consider wearing another color at your wedding?

Kati Kons: Yeah. Yeah. I just didn’t because, um, I didn’t wanna be too different from my partner and she wanted to, so I was like, I’m not gonna like, fight too much about it. Yeah. And I know that she, like, I wanted her to be super comfortable so I wasn’t gonna like, make it a thing, you know?

Right. I get that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I’ve seen gorgeous black wedding dresses, never in person. I’ve just seen them on weddings and I was like, I love the look of that.

Kati Kons: Oh yeah. Well, we were both open to wearing either black or white, but. We found her dress that was in white first, and so we were like, okay, we’ll do that.

Christa Innis: Go along with the theme. I love it. Yeah. All right. Let’s get into this week’s wedding submission. So people send me these stories. I have not read it yet, so I don’t know what’s gonna happen and We’ll, please, I just

Why Dress Codes Need a Makeover

Kati Kons: thought of my thing. Can I tell you everything?

Christa Innis: Oh, yeah, please do.

Kati Kons: This is actually a long more of a long answer.

Um, this is not a rapid fire answer, and that’s probably why I didn’t think of it right away. Um, I have a hot take though in terms of a style thing that, okay. I leave at home. Um, and it’s just that I think formal attire, my definition of formal attire differs from the average person. Mm-hmm. But specifically at weddings.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Kati Kons: Uh, in that, like our wedding, our like dress codes at wedding, be it the guest dress code or just like what we were to, weddings in general needs to stay at home in general. Like we need to, those need to go die, um, because like they need to go to jail, like whatever, because they are so obnoxious and limiting for queer people specifically, or like any type of non-traditional person trying to feel themselves because like, how are you trying, how are you going to express yourself in a way that is outside of the social norm?

If you’re like not fitting into traditional standards of formal attire, if it’s not like a suit or a dress, right? Because if you think about it this way, people who don’t fit into the standard norms of traditional attire, suit or dress, if you’re a celebrity, all you do is wear something super chic, high-end fashion.

Maybe it’s a t-shirt and shorts, but it’s Balenciaga, and you still walk the runway and you still look chic as f*ck, and you’re still slaying. And that’s great because your name is Billie Eilish and it’s branded and it’s really cool, you know? Mm-hmm. And like, that’s awesome. But why do, why can you do that on the red carpet and not at a wedding?

Christa Innis: Hmm. Why

Kati Kons: are our, like, why is the decorum for a red carpet moment so different than the decorum at someone’s wedding? And I understand that the marketing moment is a little bit different than someone else’s wedding, but why is the formality of a red carpet event, which should be the most formal event. So different than the decorum of someone’s wedding, which should be your average Joe’s most formal event in your lifetime.

Right? So why does a celebrity’s red carpet like event have a different definition for formal than our, our average person’s definition Of formal? Because for queer people being something other than suit and dress is not acceptable. In our definitions of formal attire, there is no like, I’m gonna wear something outside of those norms that fits into formal, semi-formal black tie.

There’s nothing that fits into that. Experimenting into, into different things doesn’t fit into those categories because it’s not socially acceptable. Socially acceptable is what fits into those categories. Mm-hmm. And like there’s no way to like experiment with new things with those dress codes. It just doesn’t work.

Yeah. And so I’m like, my whole like goal, my purpose is to like try to change the definition to like align more with like the red carpet definition where like if you’re mo most comfortable in a t-shirt and shorts, like great, let’s f*cking elevate that. So it’s a red carpet t-shirt and shorts, you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. Like, let’s get you a t-shirt. I know a lot of high-end t-shirt and shorts and it’ll look high-end as well. It’s not like it’s gonna look like Adam Sandler, like it’ll look high-end, you know what I mean? Like, uh. It’s like there are existing really, really nice and really, really cool embellishments on t-shirts and shorts.

So it’s like, we’ll get you there. But like, why isn’t that acceptable for a wedding? It wouldn’t be today, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve never, so I’ve never been to a wedding where it’s like very specific, like, wear this. But I’ve seen more and more people do it where they’re like, only wear these three colors, or only wear this style of clothing.

And yeah, that’s, I feel like that’s, it’s a bit much sometimes like as the, like we’re talking to the planner, as the planner in me, sometimes I’m like, okay, here’s the vibe we’re going for. ’cause have you ever gone like invited to something and you’re like. What’s the, like, where are we getting married at?

What’s the style? Mm-hmm. Like, and you’re like, do I wear a formal dress? Do I wear a cocktail style dress? Am I wearing my jumpsuit? You know, that kind of thing. So I like some guidelines, but yeah, you’re, you make a really good point. No, direction is totally helpful.

Kati Kons: Mm-hmm. Like we talked about that with the wedding party.

It’s definitely true for the guests as well because like, I dunno, you don’t wanna, you don’t wanna be like the one that’s sticking out Yeah. At someone else’s wedding. Um, but like, you also, as a queer person, especially going to like a hetero wedding as a queer person, you don’t wanna stick out too much and like, you wanna also be yourself at the same time.

Christa Innis: Hmm. It’s

Kati Kons: like a really hard balance. Um, and like, I don’t know, I just feel like a lot of queer people have a hard time with formal attire and like weddings are just like one of the hardest places to be, I think. Um. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because like a lot of the options for like androgynous attire, I think are too adventurous for like a cape or like a, a scarf around your neck I feel like would be too flamboyant.

Um, because like if I said gender neutral, you, like, most people would think masculine, right? Yeah, that’s true. Um, ’cause like gender neutral in my head means like gender fluid or androgynous or something that’s like a mix of both. Um, but like that would mean it has to be somewhat feminine. Right? And most people would think it, it means like a suit, like masculine, something that’s like at least neutral and masculine.

So it’s acceptable to everyone, you know?

Christa Innis: I never thought about that. You’re right. Yeah. Yeah. Gender neutral. And so it’s like more masculine.

Kati Kons: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And

Kati Kons: so it’s like. It’s really challenging to find something that is actually androgynous or like gender neutral or something that’s like acceptable for people to feel comfortable in, because that is oftentimes not the expectation of everyone else.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kati Kons: Yeah. It’s really hard. Um, but the only reason I say that is because I feel like there’s a lot of, like people whose expectations about formal attire are very different from like, um, queer people whose expectations for formal attire are like very different. Yeah. I just feel like we need to all dress ourselves in a way that makes us happy and walk away and that’s it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kati Kons: I feel like, like we, somebody said to me once on TikTok, somebody said to me once on TikTok, I posted a video, I. They said what looks like non-traditional formula attire to you for someone’s wedding. And I posted a bunch of pictures that were of the wedding, the designer that designed my wedding attire and I love her.

Her name is Ophelia. She’s great. One of the pictures was of like a sheer silk organ organza hoodie, and it was a mini dress, a hoodie, mini dress. It was gorgeous. And it was like, like again, like silk organ organza, oversized hoodie. Like really cool. And they were like draw or uh, I’m sorry, draw strings.

Draw strings. Like on a hoodie.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: Are not, have no place in formal at tire. Why is that there? And I was like. Like you’re really telling me something like silk organza has no like place in formal attire. Like you have no idea what you’re talking about. You know what I mean? Right. This person like literally has no idea what they’re talking about, but like we are so twisted in what we think formal attire means and our like understanding of like suit and dress is all rooted in like white supremacy and patriarchy.

It’s so terrible. So it’s like something we really need to shift our understanding into.

Christa Innis: Mm,

Kati Kons: sorry. That was a, that was a rant, but it felt like that needed to be said.

Christa Innis: No, I loved it. I love, I love the hot takes. I love, ’cause I feel like it opens up good discussion for, you know, people listening too to be like, wait, I never thought about it that way.

Or, you know, I think you’re, I think you’re right about, you know, the weddings in general or events in general put a lot of pressure on people to fit a certain mold and, and there’s like expectations of like how to look, how to dress. And, um, and I feel like as a, you know, as a queer stylist, you’re sharing so much more from your perspective and what you see personally, and I think that brings a whole new, uh, whole new take on it.

No, I, I’m, I appreciate, I see.

Kati Kons: I’ll say one more thing about queer weddings versus hetero weddings. You see, you know, when people try to, uh, theme their weddings sometimes mm-hmm. Or themes or, oh, theme Yes. Dress codes

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. Or

Kati Kons: stuff like that. Um, the theme upstage the bride, um, more often you see that at queer weddings.

I don’t know why.

Christa Innis: Mm. That’s interesting. Yeah. I actually saw like a viral post about upstage the bride, and I loved it. And that was the first time I had seen it.

Kati Kons: I like, love that so much.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Do you think it like. I think about that. Yeah. I wonder if it’s like, it runs in because it’s like the traditional, like, you know, like hetero wedding, it’s like the traditional, like bride is the queen star of the

Kati Kons: show.

I don’t know. We talked about our dress code being like Met Gala themed for a long time. Uh, just so that everyone popped the f*ck off. Um, ’cause we wanted something like that. Uh, and then we realized we didn’t want people spending a ton of money, uh, just on the retirement. Yeah. Um, so we did do that. But, um, I don’t know.

I don’t know. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know what it is about like the traditional culture that like does that, but it’s interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I’ve even heard people say like, don’t wear, oh, like. Bright red dress to my wedding dress. Yes. Where is this and where does that come from? I don’t know.

And see, I’m someone where I’m like, I don’t care What? I didn’t care what people wore in my wedding. One of my closest friends wore a bright, like a hot pink dress and looked amazing on her. I had five people wear hot pink to my wedding. Yes. It was like, good,

Kati Kons: thank

Christa Innis: you. You look great. Yeah. Someone could have showed up at White.

White in my wedding too, and I would not have cared. I’m not that. My

Kati Kons: sister had like a white cardigan and she was like, I didn’t wanna outshine you. And I said, honey, no one’s outshining me today. I was like, are you kidding? Not worried. Are you kidding? And she was like, she was like, did you really just say that?

And I was like, do you really think you’re outshining me today?

Whose Day Is It Anyway?

Christa Innis: I feel like I’m not, I’m not worried in the slightest. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like it’s like let people be themselves. I mean. I don’t know. I was not the least of my concerns of what people were wearing to my wedding. Yeah. I didn’t really care.

Okay. Let’s get into this story thing. Yeah. We’ll just react as it as we read it. Um, or I’ll just, we’ll just kind of stop and share our thoughts. Okay. Here we go. My older brother got engaged six months after I did, which annoyed my mother a bit. She would have preferred my wedding to happen first, but it didn’t bother me.

I was close to my brother and happy for him. He’d only been dating his girlfriend for a short time compared to me and my now husband who’d been together for years. My brother said, wait,

Kati Kons: wait, stop.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: He got engaged six months after she got engaged, or six months after she got married, I’m

Christa Innis: guessing, after she got engaged.

Kati Kons: Okay. So what’s the problem? Because the mom got upset.

Christa Innis: I think it’s like the mom thing of like, yeah. I get so many stories sent to me where parents or siblings get mad if like they’re not engaged or married first.

Kati Kons: That’s weird.

Christa Innis: It’s weird. And it’s like this rivalry or like sister-in-laws if like the younger one gets engaged first or married.

Yeah. There’s like so many stories like that. So like she doesn’t care, but it’s like the mom seems like annoyed by it.

Kati Kons: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Weird. Okay. Sorry. Continue. Yeah. No, you’re good. Um, my brother set his wedding date for exactly one year after mine. I was pregnant at at his wedding due just a few weeks after the big day.

It was very warm day, which isn’t ideal when you’re heavily pregnant. My sister-in-law had booked their wedding in a local church right after a large parish event. The car park parking lot was packed when we arrived. And we are, we were nearly reversed into, oh my gosh, my reading skills. Here we go. Let’s try this again.

The car parking lot was packed when we arrived and we were nearly reversing into, oh my gosh, why is this? Just pretend like that didn’t happen. Okay. The car parking lot was packed when we arrived and we were nearly reversed into, on my side of the car. Not a great start. Then the bridal car broke down, so everything started late, which would obviously stress out even the calmest bride.

Before the wedding, my brother asked if we could make it to family photos, which were scheduled in a location that was out of our way, not because the church and the not between the church and the reception. I asked if they could take family photos at the church and do bridal party photos at the other location, but they said no.

So after the ceremony, which was only 10 minutes from my house, we went home so I could briefly rest and eat by that stage. I was very warm and very tired having been up early. Then my sister calls in a panic asking where we were saying that the photos were starting and we needed to hurry. We were 25 minutes away from the photo location.

Everything was running late due to the ceremony’s delay. We rushed there wondering why they couldn’t take photos. In the meantime, they were waiting on the bride’s, two brothers who were notoriously late. When we finally got to the wedding, uh, to take photos, my husband wasn’t the main, wasn’t in the main sibling shot, as in it was just my brother and his siblings.

After that, the bride approached my husband and complained that we were late saying it wouldn’t have happened at our wedding. I could see the anger in my husband’s face, but I didn’t know what was wrong until I, he told me later I was livid. It sounds like a lot of like, again, like the communication and just like people.

Wanting it their own way. Uh, for the rest of the day. I kept my distance from them and honestly, it ruined the day for the side of the family. For comparison, my own ceremony had been just five minutes from where we took family photos and the reception was only 20 minutes away. All minimal travel and on the same route.

Also, no one at my family was heavily pregnant. Her own sister was,

you can’t help that girl. I’m sorry. Uh, sorry. Can’t I, people get, um, or have gotten on me before when I like critique the story a little bit, but it sounds like she’s wanting to be catered to.

Kati Kons: A little bit, uh, a little bit. If,

Christa Innis: if they found a setting they really like for photos on their wedding day, they should be able to have it.

Kati Kons: Uh, and yes, her comparing the, um, the route being only five minutes away, like, I don’t know, we literally walked a mile from our apartment to the national Mall to go like, get food. And that’s like a 20 minute walk. Like, and we just did that for Fonzie.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: Like it’s, I dunno. And it was, it was cool and it was fine.

If it was 30 minute walk, we probably still would’ve done it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, here’s the thing, like I, it sounds like a lot of people like were late and maybe, maybe they also got yelled at, you don’t know, right. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten yelled at, but.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, yeah, I’m sure. I mean, I’ve, I wasn’t maid of honor pregnant at a wedding.

I don’t, I wasn’t, I wouldn’t say heavily. I was like, well, I was, I was seven months, so I was pretty big. But like, I wouldn’t never have expected them to cater things to me, and I, I

Kati Kons: didn’t, yeah, that part of the story was kind of wild when she was like, I called to see if they could do photos at a different location.

Yeah. I was like, changed. I, I literally, I was like, was I supposed to react to that? ’cause I was like,

Christa Innis: I know. I was like waiting for the punchline. And I’m like, I’m not trying to come out hard on this ride, but like. Like we, the wedding I was in was like in December, we’re talking Chica, like this was downtown Chicago.

Cold. Yeah, cold. We’re outside. I’m not gonna be like, you know what? I’m pregnant. I’d rather not be outside right now. ’cause No, you just skip the photos. You’re not in ’em If you just skip it, just skip it. Yeah. It’s not, not, you’re just not

Kati Kons: in ’em. And like you say, sorry, I just can’t do it today. I’m pregnant as f*ck.

And like you walk away and like they do their thing and you do yours and that kind of sucks. But it is what it is. But you know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We can’t, we can’t have our own expectations for other people’s weddings.

Kati Kons: No, no, no, no. That’s where you

Christa Innis: start getting irritated because it’s like. Let them have their day.

If you don’t agree with it, you don’t have to be a part of certain

Kati Kons: No. And I think that conversation probably should have happened before even she asked, can you move the pictures? Because if the bride was like, I’m so heartbroken that you couldn’t be here, let’s move the photos for you. That should have been a ball in her court decision rather than a I’m gonna ask you to move them,

Christa Innis: you know?

Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. Oh my

Kati Kons: God.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay, so this says her own sister was heavily pregnant at her wedding too, so she should have understood, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a problem with the sister.

Kati Kons: I thought she said no one was heavily pregnant at her wedding,

Christa Innis: um, at her own wedding. So this is at her brother’s wedding.

Kati Kons: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And she said, so no one was pregnant at her wedding.

Kati Kons: Okay.

Christa Innis: But at this wedding, she’s pregnant as well as the bride sister. She couldn’t stand.

Um, a few days later when my brother and his now wife stopped by my mother’s house, she said to me when my brother was out of earshot that she should have had a word with me about everything. My mom shut that down and said she absolutely would not say anything to upset me, especially just weeks before I was due to give birth.

I mean, saying you’re gonna have a word with someone sounds very like, like, I don’t know, like older, like I’m gonna have a word with you. I don’t know. That sounds like someone trying to like, put you down. Like I feel like they maybe should communicate, but to say you’re gonna have a word with someone, I don’t know.

Um, I’d gone outta my way. Oh see, I’m already reading like, okay, this bride just want, or not bride. The sister wants to complain and I hate that it’s coming from the person that sent the story. ’cause it’s normally not. This way, but I feel like she feels like she was owed something. It says I’d gone out of my way to attend her bachelorette party, even though her own sister who was pregnant didn’t feel up to it.

So like she feel like, feels like she deserves a pat on the back, but I’m like, you didn’t have to go if you feel like she owed you. Um, and I was further along than she was the whole situation. Yeah. That

Kati Kons: doesn’t, yeah, girl, she could have been having like health issues with her pregnancy, right? Like you don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s not like, well I did this for you, so you should move your photo shoot. That’s the thing

Kati Kons: is love is not transactional. Yes, yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: And if it feels transactional, then don’t go

Christa Innis: right. I feel like we see that so many times, like especially with weddings. Yeah. People think if I do this for you, then you owe me.

It’s like the parents paying for the wedding, you know, you hear so many, they’re like, well, I’m paying for it so I can invite my college friend who I, you’ve never met. It’s like,

Kati Kons: yeah, it’s how it works. I will actually, I’ll say a hot take on here. One of my best friends from high school, um, didn’t come to my wedding.

Um, she moved to Italy, uh, like five or six months ago. Okay. Um, to be with her fiance who like lives there. Um, and so he’s like from there and she just like couldn’t, she started a new job recently and she just like couldn’t make it back for the wedding. Like, I mean, very reasonable. Yeah. Um, and is also planning her wedding for September and like she liked to, didn’t confront me or tell me that she couldn’t make it.

She just like, a couple days before the wedding was like, I’m so sorry, I can’t come. And I was like, I wish you would’ve told me sooner.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. And

Kati Kons: I was like, that sucks. ’cause I just like didn’t know. And I asked her a few times and she just like wouldn’t respond. And I was like, I wish she wouldn’t have ghosted me about it.

Yes. But like, that’s the problem is, and now I’m like, expected to go to her wedding in Spain in the fall. Um, but I’m gonna go, and I thought about this for so long because I was like, oh, I’m kind of upset that she did that. But I’m also like, she probably just like, feels bad and didn’t know how to handle it.

And like, like I just said, it’s not about transactional. Like, I’m not just not gonna go because she just like couldn’t come to mind.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kati Kons: And she would’ve, but she could’ve, you know?

Christa Innis: Right. You’re such a good friend. No, I feel like, no, that’s. That’s really hard to pull yourself out of and be like, okay, would I not go because she did this?

Or, you know, because this happened, or it feels

Kati Kons: so sh*tty of me, right. To just not go to her wedding, you know? Yeah. That feels like so dumb. And I feel like, I don’t know, I feel so

Christa Innis: good. I, I catch that so many times with people and I think we do it like, and I’ve done it too, being like, oh, they didn’t come to this.

And it’s like, well wait, it’s not, they didn’t come to this, so I go to that or don’t go to that. It’s kind. I go to it and do I want to go to it? Like, yeah. And I

Kati Kons: do wanna go. Yeah. I’m like, even if she couldn’t be here, even if she could have handled it better, I’m like, she still like my friend, I still love her.

I like flew to Italy and I picked out her f*cking wedding dress. I wanna be there. I wanna see it on her. You know?

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s amazing.

Kati Kons: Yeah. So I’m like, that was kind of weird. And I forgive her and I haven’t talked to her. She actually sent me a gift. I should open it. But anyways.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, anyways, yeah. But RSVPs are important.

Like I, I. Hate

Kati Kons: response. I hate, yeah. Rss. VP people. Yes.

Christa Innis: I hate when like, you have to reach out to people and be like, Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Or when people give you a maybe or like, they’re just like, we, we had, we had that, we didn’t have to deal with it too much. But I’ve heard of that. That happens all the time where people just, it slips their mind or they’re like, oh, maybe like, I’ll get off work.

Or, you know, little things like that where they just kinda like keep you on on a tentative, I guess.

Kati Kons: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, it says the whole thing caused friction between me and my brother. And we had always gotten along well, honestly, I think she was just, oh, just jealous that we got married first and that I was pregnant at her wedding as if I was stealing her limelight.

I don’t, I hate that. I just, girl, I don’t

Kati Kons: know if that’s the case.

Christa Innis: I

Kati Kons: know. That makes me so

Christa Innis: sad. I know. ’cause I normally. I wouldn’t say side. I don’t wanna, I don’t pick sides, it’s just when I read it, I just respond, right? Mm-hmm. I’d say most of the time when whoever sends it to me, like they witness whatever happens, and I’m like, oh my gosh, that’s terrible.

This is the first time. I’m like, no, I think you’re reading. And is

Kati Kons: this really the first time that this has happened to you?

Christa Innis: Like this bad? I would say yeah. There’s been a few times, I shouldn’t say bad, but there’s been a few times, like I’ve done like YouTube readings of stories. Yeah. I like say like, I come hard on the bride a little bit, and I’m like, Ooh, but this didn’t happen.

Or you assumed that she was doing this. And the people in the comments are like, you’re coming up on this, coming hard on this bride. I’m like, well, I’m just trying to be levelheaded

Kati Kons: if I can. No, it, it felt, I don’t know. Changing the, changing the location of the pictures was wild to me because like, can you imagine if you were the planner?

Yeah. I’m expecting that they didn’t have a planner. The fact that she called to ask to move, I, they probably didn’t have a planner. Right. Right. ’cause can you imagine the planner’s f*cking face when she says your sister wants to move the location?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, she’s pregnant. Like, what? What? Um, that’s bonkers to me.

That is wild. I would never ask a bride to change a location no matter who I want. Change the logistics of your day, of your whole wedding day. And we’re talking 20 minutes. It’s not like an hour away. No, no, no. And even so, you don’t have to go. I know, like for one of my friend’s weddings, we, downtown Chicago, we took buses all around the city and we just took Yeah.

Pictures in different places. And that was like a, and I think, I wanna say she had a couple pregnant bridesmaids and mm-hmm. There was food and drink on the bus. Like, we were fine. She took care of us. I would never be like, Hey, you know what, can you, that’s wild because remember everyone listening, like you can say no to bachelorette party.

You can say no to being in a wedding. They don’t have to cater to you.

Kati Kons: I hate,

Christa Innis: I

Kati Kons: hate to, the whole bachelorette thing also gets me because I’m like, you could have said no. Yeah. I went and she didn’t. Is wild to me.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Kati Kons: I feel bad for this girly though. I know. I feel bad because it, I just, uh, I want, I want her to just be like.

Christa Innis: I feel like there must have been some kind of animosity before, because if this all happened and then she’s getting the vibe that like, oh, she’s doing these things and purposely,

Kati Kons: I feel like maybe she’s bad at telling stories and we missed some key detail about this in that there’s like some childhood trauma or something that we’re missing because I feel like there, I don’t know.

I feel like this story is like way too transparently against her for Yeah,

Christa Innis: like what I like, gotta go back and make, make sure I didn’t miss like a first paragraph or something. I, I don’t know. I think it all started when here’s my, okay, here’s my take. And again, I might be reading into it, but it’s, it’s my job here, right?

So when she said, my mom seemed to be bothered by it, but I wasn’t, I think she was bothered by it. So I think like in her mind, this whole thing, she’s like thinking about the whole time like, oh, they’ve only been dating this long. Oh, they’re getting married right after me. And so I think then everything just kind of becomes a, like a silent competition.

Yeah. Oh, that’s how I’m reading it, because like

Kati Kons: Oh, and so yourself. Because, because it’s a competition. She’s like, I went to the bachelor party

Christa Innis: and I did this,

Kati Kons: and I I went to your wedding pregnant, and so you have to change the thing because of me. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And I planned out my schedule like this. But you did it like this and you weren’t thinking about me the pregnant one.

Oh. So that’s how I’m reading

Kati Kons: it. You’re right. Uhhuh. But

Christa Innis: I’m

Kati Kons: sorry. You’re right.

Christa Innis: You’re listening. And, sorry, I’m not trying to come hard on you. Um, so she said, okay, so she said that honestly, I think she was just jealous that we got married first and I was pregnant at her wedding as if I was stealing her limelight.

But how did. How would she make you feel that way? ’cause she wanted you in the wedding, in a part of the photos. So I don’t know. We’d been together much longer and I feel like she took out her frustrations on me because her wedding didn’t go as planned.

Kati Kons: I feel like maybe it’s just the other way around. I feel like sometimes people, um, I don’t know.

I feel like I’ve seen that sometimes where people who have been together for a long time and then people get married who have not known each other, who have not known each other for very long, get married and there’s like a weird competition between those two types of relationships because they’re like, oh, well you haven’t been together for very long.

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And they’re like, well, you don’t have to have known each other for very long. You know what

Christa Innis: I mean? Yes. They try to like belittle it. Yes. Yeah. I remember. Okay. So like I was saying earlier, like my husband and I have, we were engaged for. No, not engaged for, we were together for six years before we got engaged.

Just ’cause like, I never wanted to be like a super young married, we were, I was 23 when we got together. So anyways, that’s besides the point. But like couples that like met after us or started dating after us, but got married before us would make comments like, oh, like, like married comments. Like, they’d be like, oh, when you’re married you’ll get it.

And I’m like, we already live together. I’ve like, what do you mean? Like, oh, just something’s magically gonna happen when we get married. And I’m like, oh, now I understand. Like there was just so many comments of like almost belittling our relationship because we weren’t legally married. That’s so weird.

That’s so weird. Yeah, it happened more times I could count, I would just learn to just like shut my mouth because I was just like, that’s so

Kati Kons: weird.

Christa Innis: Because

Kati Kons: people are always like, oh, like do you feel different now that you got married? And I was like, no. I mean, we’ve lived together for how many years? Like, we literally, our life goes on and nothing changes the f*ck.

Christa Innis: You’re just like solidifying for yourself. Like Yeah, like

Kati Kons: we, we just decided to have a party for fun. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Yeah. I feel like once you like already like live together and like have your stuff all in a place together, it doesn’t really change much. No. But legally we get to save money on taxes, so that is,

Kati Kons: that is a plus.

Honestly, that’s so rude of the legal system. Like why sh*t on singles like that? It’s crazy. This, but they literally have to support themselves with one person’s income. That is so hard nowadays. And not only that, you’re gonna deprive them of tax benefits.

Christa Innis: I, yeah, it blows my mind. Speaking of crazy wedding stories that someone sent me about like.

Married versus like long-term partner. This girl sent me a story and she’s like, she’s a young adult, so she’s probably in her twenties, right. She said an aunt of hers got married and said, only married couples. She goes, my parents never got married, never got legally married, so they’ve been together 30, 40 years.

Right. My math might be off, but she’s like, my mom wasn’t invited because they’re not legally married. I thought, wait, they’re inviting the dad, they’re inviting his kids, but not the wife, or not the long-term partner because they’re not legally married. I thought, what a weird wedding rule.

Kati Kons: Am I lost?

What do you mean they’re not inviting the wi, they’re not inviting the wife. She’s, well, she’s not technically a wife.

Christa Innis: Right, right, right. But the Like the wife figure. The wife figure, yeah.

Kati Kons: Sot a wedding. It was like a wedding. It was like a fake wedding per se. Without the wife figure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It was her dad’s sister.

So her aunt, and she was like, yeah, my mom wasn’t invited. ’cause they’re, it was married, couple couples only. Oh my God. When everyone’s document what? Oh, that’s great. I’m like, that blows my mind. Anyways, there’s one last paragraph here. Okay.

Kati Kons: Oh, here we go.

Christa Innis: I didn’t say much about it afterwards, but when my brother asked what she had said to my husband, it really stuck with me.

For years, the photographer didn’t want to deviate from the list of planned shots, but surely a professional. Okay, wait. So he said the photographer didn’t wanna deviate from his list of planned shots, which I agree with, but surely a professional could have worked around people being late. Plenty of other photos could have been taken while they waited.

I had to drive 30 extra minutes outta my way to the reception just to be in three photos, photos that could have been easily taken at the ceremony.

Kati Kons: I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Christa Innis: I’m trying, I really tried. This is, this isn’t, I hate to say this, but this is entitled, this is really entitled, Uhhuh. Oh, that sucks. But maybe this is a wake up call. I mean, I’m no therapist. I, I’m just literally just reading a story, reading a story. So maybe I’m understanding wrong.

If you’re listening and you’ve got more context, send it my way.

Kati Kons: Yeah. Please, please send a response. Yes, chime in. But yeah,

Christa Innis: that’s the lesson is, uh, if you are a part of a wedding, I mean, you can say no.

Kati Kons: Also, let’s, let’s also, another thing to take from that is get a planner. Because your photographer shouldn’t be your planner.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%.

Kati Kons: We hate that for planners or for photographers. That’s really rude. But, um, it like happens to a lot of photographers that they have to like, take over as planners when you don’t have one or a day of coordinator or something. But yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I got that vibe from my, my photographer literally was the best ever.

She had a full on timeline. Mm-hmm. And I talked to other brides, they’re like. They’re like, I don’t have one from my photographer. I was like, maybe mine’s like used to like people not having planners or something. Mm-hmm. Little does she know I’m very anal. I think

Kati Kons: that’s what the photographer for my sister’s wedding was like.

’cause she had everything planned out. Yeah. And I was like, afraid of that. I was like, wow. I was like, my photographer was like just much more type B creative. Okay. And I was like, I don’t, I don’t want her to be like worried about things. And she was still really, and I was like, I just don’t want to be like, I don’t know, worried about things.

I wanted the most laid back wedding you could imagine. And we did have that, so that was good. But

Christa Innis: yeah, when it’s down to the minute, that’s a lot. But I, I’m someone I like to know what’s gonna happen and like, even like something about like, Krista eat was on there. ’cause like if I get distracted by other things, I’ll forget.

So it was like that. Yeah. Ours was

Kati Kons: not down to the minute. We had like a lot of like, time in between things, so for us it was like really, really relaxed. That’s good. Yeah. So it was like, not like most weddings, which is awesome.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I like that.

Kati Kons: Okay. Um, did you get these people’s names or do I that was crazy or No, for this story?

Christa Innis: Um, yeah, they usually send like their,

Kati Kons: yeah, I don’t know if I get their name, but to this anonymous person, I’m so sorry, but please reflect. Yeah. Um, that’s all I have to say. Um, I, and you know what? The best is yet to come for you. Okay. It gets better.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I think, I think we’re either missing a lot of the story or I think there needs to like, need to figure out some, uh, there might be some like animosity that’s happening.

And so like every little thing is, it’s not against you, you’re not a victim, is what I am kind of getting from.

Kati Kons: I would just remind yourself that when you’re at someone else’s wedding, the wedding is about them for sure. Mm-hmm. For f*cking sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Every time. A hundred

Kati Kons: percent.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think so many times we hear these stories and we’re like, that’s crazy.

And then like, we don’t see ourselves in them. And so my guess is she probably was like, oh yeah, they’re gonna for sure read this and be like, that’s crazy that she didn’t do that. But it’s like we need to like, like take a step back and be like, wait, you’re asking a bride and groom take out that it’s your brother and his wife?

Would you do this at any wedding you’re a part of?

Kati Kons: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And if you wouldn’t, then don’t do it at your brother’s wedding.

Kati Kons: No. I feel like I couldn’t even ask my sister to do something like that. Same,

Christa Innis: yeah. I’d be

Kati Kons: mortified. I would be mortified. Oh my gosh, I don’t even both because I would, is would I, is it, would it be easier to ask my sister or harder?

I don’t even know.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. I don’t know. I couldn’t do it. All right. Well that’s a crazy story. Thanks for reacting with me. Um, well thanks for coming out and hanging out with me today. Yeah, of course. Can you, um, tell everyone again where they can follow you, find all your content and anything exciting that you’re working on right now?

Kati Kons: Yeah. You can find me at Portrait of a Bride on fire on Instagram and TikTok and I am always working on fun things on. Styling things. If you ever need to be styled or if you want to revamp your wardrobe or if you have a wedding coming up that you need to be styled for, let me know.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Kati Kons: All

Christa Innis: right.

Figure out how to stop this. Oh my gosh. Why am I, oh my God. There we go.

by Christa Innis

“My Best Friend’s Wedding”: Insane Demands, $600 Suit, and A Secret Scandal

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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What happens when wedding planning turns into a battleground of loyalty, identity, and deception?

In this gripping episode, the best man shares her emotional journey navigating a chaotic wedding filled with hidden truths, impossible demands, and fractured friendships. From forced tattoo cover-ups to $600 suits no one wanted, the pressure mounts in every corner. Listen as Christa breaks down the complex dynamics of love, friendship, and toxic relationships that threaten to unravel the celebration. This story reveals the heavy cost of “perfect” weddings and the price paid when people are asked to change who they are.

Join us for an unforgettable episode that goes beyond the ceremony to expose the real drama behind the scenes — and the heartbreak that follows.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:38 Listener Review and Gratitude

02:40 Bridal 911: Wedding Drama Advice

06:45 This or That: Wedding Edition

11:18 Blind Reaction: The Backup Best Man

19:30 Confusion Over Wedding Roles

21:33 Tattoo and Hair Dilemma

22:28 Dress Code Chaos

23:45 Best Man Drama

26:42 Makeup Mandate

28:46 Revelations About Brianna

30:38 Wedding Day Hypocrisy

33:18 Post-Wedding Reflections

36:17 Host’s Personal Reflections

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Tattoo Controversy – The best man is asked to cover her tattoos for photos, while bridesmaids proudly display theirs, highlighting unfair double standards.
  • Wardrobe Wars – Confusing and costly suit fittings with last-minute fabric changes create tension and frustration among the groomsmen.
  • Friendship vs. Fiancé – The groom’s conflicted loyalty between his future wife and longtime best friend creates emotional turmoil.
  • Makeup Mandate – Pressure to get professional makeup done causes discomfort and unnecessary expenses for the bridal party.
  • Secrets Revealed – A shocking discovery about the bride’s past threatens the foundation of the couple’s relationship.
  • Wedding Day Hypocrisy – Visible tattoos on bridesmaids but hidden on the best man expose inconsistencies in wedding expectations.
  • Emotional Speech – The best man’s heartfelt and surprising wedding speech leaves everyone stunned, even the groom.
  • Aftermath & Reflection – Four months later, the fallout continues with strained relationships and unresolved issues.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • If you ask someone to be part of your wedding, it should be because you love them — not to change who they are. – Christa Innis
  • Friendship breakups can be even harder than romantic breakups because of the deep emotional investment. – Christa Innis
  • There’s no playbook for when your best friend and your partner don’t get along — it’s a heart-wrenching balancing act. – Christa Innis
  • Weddings are supposed to celebrate love, not force people into uncomfortable roles or appearances. – Christa Innis
  • Sometimes people marry just to check a box — but marriage should be about connection, not convenience. – Christa Innis

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I am just thrilled and excited to be here. I feel very grateful to be able to hang out with you guys on this platform. Um, as of recording this, which. Today is June 11th when I record. So I typically record a month out depending if I’m having a guest or not.

Um, this is a special solo episode, so you’re just gonna hang out with me today. Hope that’s okay with you guys. Um, but as of recording today. We have over a hundred thousand downloads. It just blows my mind. My goal for the whole year was 25,000. So just thank you so much for the support. Whether you’ve subscribed, downloaded, shared with a friend, um, are constantly active, ready to listen to every single episode, listen, every once in a while, it’s just, it just means so much to me and I’m just so grateful for the love and support.

So I wanna just start off by reading a review of the podcast, um, because, you know, they just mean a lot to me and I just wanna say thank you to this person. They say, I’ve been watching Krista’s Instagram videos for over a year now. The transition to including a podcast is the most natural progression possible.

I always want more info when I see the skits, and this podcast definitely helps scratch that itch. I can’t wait to see it grow into its own. Thank you so much Bailey, for leaving that kind review. And always if you guys love the podcast, please share it with a friend or leave a review. It really helps more people see it and hear about it.

So I just really thank you for that. Alright. I feel like I’ve been talking a ton today. As recording this, tomorrow is the launch of the book. So I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of promo stuff, um, and doing some different recordings. Of course skits, it never stops, but I love it. I love what I do and I feel so grateful to be able to do this this week.

Since it’s solo. I wanna do things a little bit different. So we’re gonna start with a bridal 9 1 1 advice column. Every once in a while people send me questions of things that are either going on in their family, uh. In regards to weddings and events, right? So I’m not a therapist, I’m not a life coach. I don’t have training in this.

This is literally just me responding as someone that reads a lot of stories and sees a lot of boundaries. So take it for what it’s worth and I’m gonna leave it with that. 

When Family Drama Threatens Your Wedding

Okay? So this person here, I’m gonna leave him anonymous, sent me a question. She says, my wedding is in December of this year. I have a bunch of other dramas that have been going on, but this is the one that worries me the most.

To start off, we didn’t have money in the budget for alcohol, nor did we want it. I found out from my maid of honor, my fiance’s sister that the stepsiblings pre-game before the ceremony and every family wedding, whether it’s dry or not, I was warned about this because at every other wedding drama would ensue.

So we are talking fights would break out at one of the weddings, uh, that my fiance and I couldn’t attend to. And I’m honestly super afraid this might happen to me and I honestly don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice? So again, I’m no expert, I’m just taking it as what I would do in this situation, and this is gonna be really hard and might not be the advice you wanna hear, but there’s really.

Nothing you can do. I don’t think this is your fight to fight. We don’t know for sure if they’re going to do it. It might, it sounds like it might be pretty likely. Um, you might wanna have people there that are like ready to like. Break up a fight, um, or escort them out. However, bringing up something that might happen or stressing out something that might happen is just gonna consume you when you have so many other things to maybe worry about.

Um, it’s hard because alcohol gets the best of a lot of people. I’ve seen it firsthand at a lot of events, weddings, with family, friends, what have you. It can get the best of people and if not. Controlled. We all know what can happen, right? So essentially too, it sounds like it’s more of your husband’s family, and so I don’t think you need to personally do anything for it.

I would not stress over it. I personally think that you should talk to him about it and see what has maybe happened in the past or if there’s a way to approach it. And I know that seems kind of all over the place. I just feel like there’s a lot missing. There’s a lot that we don’t know, and I think a lot of it is more on worry.

And as the bride, I think a lot of times we, we think about a lot of situations or scenarios that could happen and that tends to consume us. Believe me, I’m an overthinker. My husband will tell you I’m an overthinker to the max. I’m constantly like, but what about this? What about this? I remember our wedding, I was worried about like the parking situation.

There was no reason to be worried about it. There was a parking garage that was like one block over, but I was just like, oh, what if this happens? And then I was like, what if they don’t know to get a hotel room? And I was like texting people, like helping them out. I’m like, people are adults. You gotta let them handle it.

Now if it’s happened before at a wedding, I understand your concern and I understand wanting to do something ahead of time, but again, we can’t control every situation. Maybe have a backup plan ready, talk with your husband or your partner, be on the same page with them, um, of like, okay, if we see some inappropriate behavior, this is what’s gonna happen.

Um, so having a plan I think is good, but I would not let it consume you. Because at the end of the day, if they have a drink in their car before and then they’re fine, there’s nothing you can really do about it. Right? So that is my advice for that and I wish you the very best for your wedding.

On First Looks, Taco Bars & Cake Smashes

 Okay, next up to mix things up, I wanna do a little this or that.

I’ve been starting to incorporate a little more rapid fire with people, but I thought it’d be kind of weird if I had to rapid fire with myself. ’cause I’m like, I already kind of see the answers as I’m reading it. Um. This is similar, but this is gonna be a wedding edition, this or that. And, uh, I did a little fun one, so I haven’t read it yet.

So here we go. And this is just my, my own opinion. Okay. Buffet or plate of dinner. Okay. I feel like I should answer these quickly, but I’m gonna give a little background. I always thought growing up like I would have a plate of dinner, but when we got married we had a Taco bar, taco bar, and it was amazing.

Like we. We knew right off the bat, like when we found the venue and they gave us the suggested vendors to work with, I was like, let’s try this taco place, this Mexican food place. And it was incredible. Um, I like that you can kind of grab what you want, you know? I don’t know. Some plant dinners are great, some are not.

Some buffets are great, some are not. That’s my preference. Live band or dj. If I have to pick one, I’m gonna go dj ’cause I feel like you have more variety and you can, um, hear all your favorite songs. I’ve also heard some really amazing bands, big guest lists or intimate ceremony. If I were to get married today, intimate ceremony.

Intimate ceremony. First look or aisle reveal. I’m aisle reveal all the way. I love a good aisle reveal, uh, all white theme or full color explosion. Mm. If it’s done the right way, I think you can do full color. Me. I don’t trust myself enough. I’m not like a designer. I’m not an, I don’t have that eye. I wish I did if someone else was doing it for me.

Let’s go full color. I think that’d be okay, but me, I’ll go all white kids Welcome. Or adults only.

That’s a hard one,

I think. Okay. If we’re going with intimate ceremony, meaning I would only invite people that I’m really close with, I would say kids welcome because. People that I’m close with, I would be close with their kids and know their kids, and I would love all the kids to interact. If it’s a bigger party, I would probably say adults only.

If there’s like alcohol and it’s like cocktails and stuff. Yeah. Champagne tower or signature cocktails. Signature cocktails. I’m not a big champagne person. Matching bridesmaid dresses or mix and match. Mix and match. If I got married today, I would do make, pick whatever you want. Uh, flower petals or confetti sendoff, flower petals.

Weekday wedding or peak season? Saturday. Ah, weekday. I got married on a Friday. Fun fact, if you get married on a Friday or Sunday, you get a discount. Typically, uh, traditional vows are write your own, write your own DIY decor or hire a planner. So that’s kind of a weird one because those are kind of two different things.

I mean, a planner does help with decor. A planner is way more than decor. So my choice is either DIY or a planner. I’m going planner, but I have been hands-on designing decor for a lot of weddings before. Um, and you know what? It’s always a good time. Okay. Photo booth or 360 cam. So it’s so fun to go to a wedding that has a photo booth, but for me personally, I just did not see the benefit of it.

I just set up our own thing with Polaroid cameras. I think the 360 cam is pretty cool. I’ve never done one, but I honestly would be afraid I would get hit by it. Cake smash or classy? Kcu. Classy. I don’t, I’m, it’s not my first birthday. I don’t. I don’t need a cake smash. Okay, let’s get into this week’s blind reaction.

It’s a long one, that’s why I just wanted to kind of do some fun rapid fires.

When Weddings Cost More Than Money

 Some 9 1 1. Let’s get, let’s get through to it. Okay. This is called the backup Best, man. Here we go. Let me drink some water first, guys, because my, like I said, I’ve been talking too much. I might need to go like on a week long thing where I just don’t.

My voice, that’s a joke. Even when I lost my voice, my husband kept laughing at me. ’cause I was like, I’m gonna not talk for the rest of the day. And like a minute later I’d be like, yeah, so blah, blah, blah. He’s like, aren’t you gonna rest your voice? Okay, anywho, here we go. My best friend Jake, all names have been changed.

My best friend Jake, 36 male, and I, Kara 35 female, have known each other since elementary school, though we didn’t become close enough. Close until junior year of high school by our early twenties, we were inseparable. We were together so often that we started calling each other siblings just to dodge the assumptions and constant accusations that we were Roman, that we were romantic.

That’s, that sucks. That’s always a thing. If you are friends with someone of the opposite sex, people assume you are dating or there’s some kind of romantic thing. I don’t know. That’s just the way people think. I guess girls would befriend me just to get closer to him, and I had, I had to let some of them down because Jake would ghost them or string them along endlessly.

I, on the other hand, was more of a social butterfly and rarely dated the same guy for more than a week. Eventually I ended up in a toxic long-term relationship and Jake and I drifted a bit. He moved away for work, but he’d still come home for the holidays and my family was always a part of his rotation for Thanksgiving and Christmas and we vacation together every year.

Wow. You guys are kind of like family, like if you go into family parties, but, and I hate that, I think this way, but I also wonder like. Did they ever try to date or like was it instant? Like, we don’t like each other that way because you’re spending a lot of time with this person. I’m wondering like, you seem pretty compatible, but I get it.

I get it. Sometimes you just meet someone and you’re like, they brother, sister vibes. Um, then I met my now husband, Daniel got pregnant and surprised everyone at the baby shower by getting married. Jake, despite not knowing, paid for the open bar. He also the godfather to both of my daughters. He adores them.

He wears dresses when they ask, always brings gifts, goes trick or treating with us and spends the day after Christmas with us because it’s my oldest daughter’s birthday. Wow. That jumped really quickly. Okay, so she’s married, has two girls. Jake is very involved in their life. He’s like an uncle to ’em, it sounds like.

Very involved, awesome relationship. Great. Then COVID happened. Here we go. How a lot of the stories go right? Right before the pandemic, Jake started seeing someone, let’s call her Brianna. They quarantined together. He casually mentioned wanting to introduce us, so we met up at a local petting zoo. It was awkward, Jake fo.

Jake focused entirely on my youngest daughter, and barely helped bridge the gap between me and Brianna. I tried small talk. She wasn’t interested. I gave up. I was pregnant, hot and miserable. I left feeling disappointed. When I told my husband and family, they tried to reassure me, but Daniel pulled me aside and said, Brianna’s name sounded familiar.

Then it hit me. Okay, so Daniel, in case you guys forgot, Daniel is her husband, the girl that wrote in, right? Daniel’s her husband. He’s saying the girlfriend, um, of her friend sounds, her name sounds familiar. So then it hit me years ago, she hooked up with Jake’s friend Matt. Ooh. Okay. We’re get, we’re getting some tea here on the front porch at his Halloween party while Matt was in a long-term relationship.

Okay, here we go. Here comes the drama. Right? It caused drama. Jake had even said things about her at the time. Yeah. That’s not a good first impression. Right? And then you’re like, oh, I’m gonna date this girl, even though she. Cheated with my, I guess, I don’t know if she was tied with anyone, but like his friend cheated with her.

Not really a good look still. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she felt awkward or ashamed. Maybe she needed to warm up to me. Shortly after Brianna came to my parents’ house for Jake’s birthday dinner. I love that. Her family does birthday dinners for Jake still. That’s so sweet. He told us she had been teaching English in Japan.

We were excited to hear about it, but every time we asked she just changed the subject. Interesting. I pivoted the conversation and gave Jake his gift, a working vintage eight millimeter movie projector. We set it up and watched a short film, but Brianna said she was tired and left early. Okay, and this is before we read an end of the story.

I know things like are weird and stuff. I also feel like it can be weird if you start dating someone and let’s ignore the whole like thing they learned about Brianna. Right. It can be weird if like you start dating someone and he’s like, yeah, like I want you to meet this girl. She’s my best friend for years.

I have birthday dinners at, there’s family at her family’s house. We’re inseparable. Like we, I tell her every single thing like. It can cause a little bit, if you’re already a little insecure or you’re kind of a new in their relationship, that can be like a little like, Ooh, okay, how close are you guys? You know, it’s just it, and it’s the thing that we’ve seen, like in tv it’s like, can, can a guy and girl be best friends?

Right. Of course they can. And I, I am a big believer in it. I have very close guy, best friends. Um, but as a new relationship, you might be like, I don’t know. Um, okay. Jake still came to Halloween and Thanksgiving, but Brianna didn’t. He made excuses for Christmas. He said they’d be visiting her family two hours away, but he promised to come back for my daughter’s birthday the next day.

He didn’t show, he didn’t call. My whole family was worried and I was heartbroken. My mom called him. I’m also wondering, I mean, I think it’s so sweet that he comes to their family at Christmas time. I’m wondering if there’s something like we’re missing too. Like if, um, maybe he didn’t, he wasn’t close to his family growing up, so they became a second family.

And if that’s the case, then Brianna, I feel like shouldn’t really be supporting him in this ’cause he’s like, this is this. Is my family, like, not by blood, but like by choice. I’ve, they’ve been there for me. I’ve been there for them. Um, so the fact that he just didn’t show up when he was gonna go to Christmas is kind of weird.

My mom called him, he apologized saying her family sprung brunch plans on him, and it was the first time meeting them. Another year passed. Brianna remained distant. Jake became inconsistent. Then Jake got engaged. He asked if I’d be comfortable being a groomsman. I said yes and asked if he wanted me to grow my hair out for the wedding.

Wait.

Okay.

I need to go back for a second because

I’m so confused. So full disclosure, I throw this in and we like change names, right? So because it said Kara, I assumed it was a woman, and now I’m not so sure I have to go back and look. I always just throw it into something. Change names. Um.

I was right.

Okay, let’s continue. I just got really confused for a second. Okay.

I think it’s because he asked if he would be a groomsman.

Uh, he asked if she would be a groomsman. Okay. I said yes and asked if he wanted me to grow my hair out for the wedding since my head is fully tattooed and usually shaved. He said, absolutely not. Be yourself. I booked a touch up. I booked a Touchup tattoo appointment for one month before the wedding. For fun, I let my hair grow a bit and bleach it neon green.

I also asked if I should wear a suit or a dress. He said he was fine. He said either was fine as long as it matched the others. Okay, so this is getting interesting. So I’m, I’m. I’m guessing a few different things now, and I feel like Brianna. Okay, I wanna read this. I sent him black dress options. He liked a velvet one.

They were considering velvet suits. Brianna liked the idea too. I bought the dress, then they switched fabrics. Brianna insisted everything looked uniform. Velvet was out. Jake eventually told us, di Jake eventually told us to direct all questions to the best man, Matt? Yep. Porch Halloween, Matt. Oh my gosh.

So the guy who cheated on his girlfriend with Brianna is now in the wedding with them. Okay. I asked Matt about dress options. He said to wear what made me feel best. With no clear in, with no clear direction. I ordered a $600 suit I’d likely never wear again. Ooh, okay. I don’t know if I have no direction.

I don’t know why I would order a $600 suit. I’m not shaming this person though, but that ’cause that’s on, that’s their choice and something told them that they should do that, but Oh, wow. Okay. Then I got a message from Jake. Are you planning to have hair for the wedding? Because Brianna and the planner thought my tattoos would be distracting in photos.

I told him no. I had then. I had asked him then about it when. Lemme do that again. I told him no, I had asked about it. When I accepted, I canceled my tattoo appointment. I apologized to my artist and scheduled a salon visit to cover the neon. Okay. So now they’re going back and saying, um, you need to change all this.

Which it sounds to me like Jake doesn’t really care. It’s Brianna that’s coming in and cares. I don’t get, the whole tattoos are distracting thing, but. I’m also married to someone that has a full sleeve. I love tattoos. I love the look of them. We had, gosh, I would say probably all the guys in our wedding have tattoos and some, I would say majority of the guys in our wedding had tattoos.

Have tattoos, and I would never ask any of them to cover it up because I think it adds to Indi individuality. Um, some of the girls have tattoos too, again, would never ask anyone to c cover them. If you ask someone, you are asking them because you like them, love them, want them to be a part of your wedding.

Um, I don’t know. That’s just something I would never personally do. Ask someone to change who they are to be in my wedding. Um, okay.

We were told to book suit fittings. Matt was unresponsive in the group chat. So we all went rogue you. That’s when you really need an organized person to tell you what to do and when to do it. A few of us ordered the wrong suit details. One friend had to reorder an entire jacket, $300 because of event.

Okay? I don’t know enough about suits, but I don’t know what event is, but $300. See, that’s my thing too, is if they’re not clear with direction and what people need to do, they can’t keep going back and changing things and having people spend more money. You need to have clear communication saying like, this is what you need to do.

If I don’t hear something from a brighter groom, I’m not ordering anything. Sorry. You need to be clear with them. Jake Drunkenly called me one night. He was demoting Matt as best man, and asked me to step in, said he’d always wanted me to do it. But didn’t want to burden me because I’m a mom also, Brianna didn’t think it was appropriate.

Oh gosh, this, ugh, I feel so bad for them. I accepted, I cried. It felt tainted.

But this is so. It’s so weird because it’s like this is his best friend and he wants her to be the best man. Right? But Brianna doesn’t think it’s appropriate. So what do you do in that situ, in that situation? Do you listen to your future wife or do you include your best friend? I’ve never been in a situation where my best friend and my husband don’t get along.

I’ve seen it before. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do in that situation because you’re always gonna have to deal with that. So you have to, you have to decide. Is it more important for you to be with this person and limit your time or cut off contact with your best friend, or vice versa?

I don’t know. No one can answer it for you. I offered to split the jacket cost with Matt. He refused. Weeks later, Jake texted to me again, are you wearing makeup? I said, no, I don’t wear it and I’m not comfortable wearing wearing it. He said, cool. An hour later, Brianna texted me I needed to get my makeup done Professionally, it will photograph better.

No, I don’t agree with that either. You do not tell people in your wedding they have to get their makeup done. I just, I don’t understand that if you love them the way they are and they are your friend, you should not be telling them to change anything about themselves for the wedding. Maybe that’s, is that a hot take?

Is that a hot take? I don’t know. I told my bridesmaid like, we’re gonna have hair and makeup there if you want it, or if you’re gonna do it yourself. Don’t wear any makeup that’s, that’s on you. Like your choice a hundred percent. I want you to feel comfortable. I want you to feel beautiful. The way you do it, her artist was booked but she could help me find someone.

I reluctantly agreed, ah, I feel so bad for her. This is so awkward. Am I her appointment, the stylist, a mutual friend, spilled everything. Brianna wasn’t an English teacher in Japan. She was an escort. She never even told Jake. Her rich stepdad pays for everything. He even bought them a house. Yet Jake is making payments on it.

What? So she’s completely deceiving him of everything. I mean, what? And no one in Jake’s circle likes Brianna. She blames Jake for not affording a two month European honeymoon. Okay? I don’t think a lot of people can afford a two month European honeymoon. What? That’s not typical. He’s now working DoorDash on top of his job, so he is trying to make extra, extra money because it’s not enough for her.

That’s another, maybe it’s another hot take, but.

You chose to marry this person knowing what they make or what they can’t afford? Yes, you can strive for more and try to make more as a couple together, but to guilt him and make him feel bad for not ma, I don’t know. I just, I don’t like that. I don’t like that. I had a breakdown full on hysterics. I planned to confront him at the bachelor weekend, but it was awkward.

Matt didn’t even come. I tried to open a conversation. Jake brushed it off and said his relationship was his retirement plan. I dropped it, his retirement plan. So I wonder if it’s one of those things where he’s just like checking the box. He’s like, you know what? I’m however old I am. It’s time to get married.

Let’s just do it. It’s my retirement plan. Oh my gosh. Three days before the wedding. Hey, you’re giving a speech. Good thing I had started one just in case the makeup artist was awful. Dry. Cakey, not blended. I wiped most of it off. No one commented it was $200. What a waste. So not on, on top of them making her get her makeup done, they make her pay $200.

That’s more than I even paid for my bridal makeup. I think my bridal makeup was one 20. My bridesmaids was 85. $200 as a, as a best man. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don’t like that. Brianna greeted to us when she, Brianna greet to us when we arrived with Suits. Thanked me for stepping up. Criticized Matt said she chose him to bring the style to the groomsmen.

He might’ve sabotaged things out of jealousy. He and Brianna apparently have a history well. We learned that, okay, here’s the wedding day. Jake was silent, only smiled for the camera. Bridesmaids wore bold, micro chromatic dresses, all different cuts, all had visible tattoos. Excuse me. So the bridesmaids can have visible tattoos, but you the best man cannot.

Yours are distracting. Come on. We need to level, we need an even playing field here. It’s because, I don’t know. I feel like she’s some jealousy over the op here. The maid of honor had giant angel wings and a light bulb tattoo down her spine. My tattoos had to be covered. The hypocrisy, stung. Their vows lies claimed they loved each other since high school and had reconnected.

Years later, none of that happened. It was surreal. My family asked, what’s going on? Why were you put through so much when the bridesmaids clearly weren’t? I had no answers. I told them to just get through it. The maid of honor gave a two page speech full of jabs, not jokes, jabs. It was brutal. So apparently even the bride’s friends are not fans of the bride.

Interesting. Then it was my turn. I recited my speech from memory nailed it. Pretended to cry at the end. Everyone was shocked. Even Jake was slack jawed. I never heard that term before. I hugged him. Second. Congrats. And we left. It’s been four months. I haven’t seen him since they honeymoon in Jamaica. She still doesn’t work.

She, he’s still doing DoorDash and my head hurts. Oh, that story makes me so sad. It like, it, I feel like it’s like one of those like books or stories you read where it’s like they keep missing each other at certain points. And I’m not saying romantically, but I’m just like they’re meant to be, and I say, I say the word.

Or the term soulmate very loosely. I don’t mean soulmate romantically, like you’ve, I believe you have soulmates that are like best friends or even pets I think can be soulmates. But I feel like their soulmates in a way that they were, their souls are supposed to meet, like they obviously are very like aligned.

They have good friendship, they, their family’s blended well to how their, and I think that’s what it was supposed to be, right? But it’s so hard when. They start dating someone that just doesn’t fit into the mix. And it’s hard in that moment too, because it’s like you’re supposed to choose your future, your partner.

Right? But it sounds like they’re not even happy, and it sounds like she’s very controlling and she’s making him try to make all this extra money while she’s not doing her part, and she critiques him. And, and so that’s what’s really sad is because now she’s probably seeing the, the friend, the best man is seeing.

It all fall apart. She’s seeing her relationship with him fall apart and she’s seeing that he just kind of checked the box of like, let’s get married. It’s time to get married. Um, and that’s what’s so sad with a lot of these stories is they wanna check the box of like, okay, we got married, we’re, we’re 30, now let’s get married.

Okay, let’s have a baby. And you would hope a couple this like unhappy, I don’t know. Can realize it before it’s too late and don’t bring children into the relationship. I don’t know, it’s, it’s hard because I’m only getting so much and, and it’s, uh, it can be kind of confusing from this angle because we’re only getting one person’s perspective, but she knows him well and she knows his reactions and she knows him enough to kind of realize he’s not, he’s not happy, he’s not reconnecting well, or he is not doing well, I should say.

But yeah. Oh, I hate that. I feel like I want an update. Like, it’s okay. It’s been, it’s been four months, I should see when this story was sent, but it’s been at least four months. We need to update when they talk. 

When a Friendship Feels Like Family—and Then Falls Apart

 Um, maybe they’ll realize it, maybe he’ll realize after, you know, all of the, the glamor of the wedding is over and realize, you know what, this was dumb.

I wanna go back to my roots and find someone that truly loves me and. Accepts my friends and family. Right. Because it feels like, I feel like they were more of like family, like she said, like they’re like brother and sister vibes. Right. All right guys. Well that was the story for, for this week. Um, I’m so sorry to this person that sent that sounds like you’re really mourning of friendship and that’s, that’s hard.

I feel like friendship breakups, I don’t know if it’s officially a friendship breakup, but it sounds pretty, pretty wonky, roly. I always say that friendship breakups are harder than romantic breakups. And I think it’s because like you pour, not saying you don’t do this with, with romantic relationships, but with friendships it’s like you pour so much into it and they learn you like your, they’re your ins and outs.

Right. Um, I think one of my hardest friendship breakups, um, I don’t wanna give too much detail or anything, but like, uh, it was a few years back. I mean, we’re probably going on. Gosh, I don’t even know how old I was. I dunno. Probably like 10 years ago. I don’t know. It was after college, but it was, it was distraught.

Like it was, it was so sad because this is someone that you do everything with you, you tell them like, you know, you’re like your thoughts and your wishes and your dreams and like. I don’t know. It’s just so different than a romantic relationship. I feel like when you’re breaking up with someone or someone breaks up with you, yes, it’s sad, but you move on depending on, you know, how long you’re with that person.

I know I’m just blabbing now, but I don’t know, I just really feel for this person because it’s hard to go through that. But, um, hopefully he realizes and you guys can be friends again. Anyways, thank you guys for hanging out with me in this special solo episode. If you guys haven’t noticed yet, I’m kind of doing a pattern of the second, um, episode.

Every single month is a solo pod just to kind of like, hang out with you guys, like one-on-one. Um, share a little bit more, um, behind the scenes and stuff, um, in case you guys missed it. You can now order my book. Here comes the drama of Ferris and Sloan story. Um, and don’t forget to tag me on social media at party planning by Krista for a chance to be featured on my page.

And then I’m also giving away random prizes, whether that’s a signed copy or Amazon gift cards and so much more. So I’ll be able to, so make sure to check out my social media pages to see what’s kind of going on, um, this week. Um, and of course if you ordered it on Amazon or other platforms, of course allow it as well.

But please leave a review when you read the book because that just helps more people see it and hear about it. And I just wanna, I just wanna see what you guys think. It’s like, it’s so scary writing something and putting it out into the world because it’s like, oh my gosh, what are they gonna think? Do you guys like it?

Oh my gosh. But again, I also have to also have to remind myself that it’s my first book. I’m a beginner. Uh, I mean, I went to school for writing, but it’s been a long time. Um, so even if, you know, just the fact that I got it out there, I feel like is, is a prize in itself and I’m very, very excited for that.

But I really like to throw it back to you guys and just say thank you for the support and the excitement for it. That’s all I got you guys. Thank you so much for hanging out with me and I will see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

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