Christa Innis

Weddings are supposed to be joyous, but what happens when family traditions take over?

Bethy Abdissa, a wedding planner with experience across cultural traditions, joins Christa to dive deep into the unexpected pressures couples face. From toxic bridesmaids to demanding in-laws, she’s seen it all. Bethy shares jaw-dropping stories of brides forced to appease their families by having weddings that don’t reflect who they are. She also explores the bold decision of cutting out guests who bring negativity rather than joy. Plus, should you really have a bridal party at all?

If you’ve ever questioned wedding traditions or struggled with family expectations, this episode is packed with insights and real talk. Don’t miss it—hit play now!

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

08:45 Cultural Wedding Pressures & Family Expectations

17:49 The Bridesmaid Dilemma: Drama vs. Support

26:19 When Family Demands Take Over Your Wedding

35:39 Uninviting Guests: When It’s Justified

44:19 The Dark Side of Wedding Planning

53:49 Lessons from the Wedding Industry

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• Bethy shares how many couples end up planning weddings that reflect their family’s wishes rather than their own.
• The hidden drama behind bridal parties and why some brides are choosing to skip them altogether.
• When it’s okay to uninvite a family member from your wedding.
• The unexpected stress of planning pre-wedding celebrations.
• Stories of overbearing in-laws trying to control everything.
• How to balance tradition, expectations, and your own happiness.
• Bethy reveals the biggest misconceptions about planning a wedding.
• The importance of setting boundaries and making your big day about YOU.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “People think a wedding is about the couple, but so often, it’s about everyone else.” – Christa Innis
• “Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they deserve a wedding invite.”  – Christa Innis
• “Bridesmaids should be your biggest support system, not your biggest stressor.”  – Christa Innis
• “If your wedding is making you miserable, it’s time to rethink things.”  – Christa Innis
• “It’s YOUR day—why are you planning it for everyone else?”  – Christa Innis

About Bethy

Bethy Abdissa is a dynamic wedding planner, content creator, and entrepreneur with a passion for storytelling and cultural inclusivity. Originally from Ethiopia, she moved to the United States 15 years ago and began her professional journey in finance and accounting. After realizing the corporate world wasn’t her calling, Bethy took a bold leap in 2022 to pursue her true passion: event planning.

With over three years of experience as a wedding planner and a lifelong love for party planning, Bethy now specializes in coordinating weddings across the U.S., particularly in the DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Minneapolis areas. She’s also diving into the world of content creation—sharing makeup tips, hair styling, wedding insights, and self-development reflections through her TikTok channel, @Bethy_Creates. Long term, Bethy is working toward becoming a therapist, bringing her full-circle journey of creativity, empathy, and purpose to life.

Follow Bethy Abdissa

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Bethy. Thank you so much for coming on.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, thank you so much, Christa. I was so excited to be on your show. You’ve done such an amazing job and I was so excited when I got your invitation. Thank you so much for having me.

Christa Innis: Oh, thank you. No, I was, I was just saying before we started, like, I was like randomly on TikTok one day scrolling and I was like, is that Bethy? Because like everyone that’s listening, like we worked together years ago, we just discovered it was like eight years ago now that we worked together and it was one of those where like We got along so well when we worked together, but then we kind of just like went different directions and then it was a very I will say it toxic work environment We probably weren’t very happy there. I know I wasn’t so it’s so happy to be like reconnected and Hear that you work in the wedding space, which was so cool I was like what so before I yabbed too much yap too much Can you just introduce yourself and like what you do and then we’ll kind of go from there

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, thank you so much Christa again. Um, life is just full of like circles and you, you just don’t know where you end up. Um, my name is Bethlehem Abdissa, but people call me Bethy. I was born and raised in Ethiopia. I came here to the United States about 15 years ago. Just a summary of who I am. Um, I was in finance. Um, and I was interning and, uh, Chris and I were working in the same company when I was an intern when I was going to grad school.

Uh, so I thought I was going to end up, uh, on Wall Street, you know, making money. Um, and ending up, uh, I ended up in corporate America for a while and I was like, this ain’t for me. Um, and I just was like, I can’t do it anymore. And people, I’ve done people’s weddings just for fun. Uh, because, um, I have a bubbly personality and people kind of like are drawn to that and they wanted me to do their weddings. So I was like, you know what? Why not, um, take this a little bit more seriously? Uh, so in 2022, I started a wedding business and one of my friends was really good at that as well. So she’s done corporate events and we, uh, linked up together and I live in Minnesota. Um, used to live in the DMV area at the DC, Maryland, Virginia. So, uh, we both linked up and decided to start our own business, uh, women owned business. And so now it’s. It’s our third year being in a business and we’ve been doing a lot of weddings, exciting, exciting weddings. Um, and I, I fumbled, uh, on your, uh, what’s it called? TikTok randomly as well. And I saw that you were party planning and all the skits you were doing.

I was like, are people around the world the same, like from different cultures, different, like it’s the same stories. And I was drawn to it. And, um, So happy to see you very success, successful in your, uh, channel and just like reaching out to, to a lot of audience, to people, uh, sharing their stories. It’s such a beautiful space and you’re very talented. Um, not just, you know, to in your horn, you’re very talented to be able to play all those parts. It takes a lot of, um, taking in that space and I appreciate, um, all you’ve done so far. So. To just summarize, that’s who I am. But yeah, and I do a lot of things. I do a lot of makeup stuff. So if you go to my channel, a lot of the stuff is like all over the place, but yeah, I’m a creative person.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’ve just say like, when you said bubbly personality, like you have, you do, you like, you like brighten up any room and I’m so happy to see that you like found your passion like what you enjoy doing because like it’s so true when you are in the wrong position or the wrong career, it can like Suck out your soul, you know, and so it’s so exciting seeing like your content and seeing all the things you’re doing because it’s just like brought out like your brightness even more.

Bethy Abdissa: So appreciate that. Thank you so much.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s so awesome to reconnect. And so we were kind of talking before we came on about like crazy wedding stories or hot takes. I mean, you see a lot of firsthand. Like what? I mean, you said like All over the world, you know, different cultures. What do you kind of What’s like your first hand experience when it comes to weddings? Do any like crazy stories off the right off the bat comes to mind? Um, that you’ve kind of experienced that you’ve kind of had to help with as a wedding planner.

Culture Clashes and Wedding Planner Dilemmas

Bethy Abdissa: Wow, even though I told you like a few stories where it’s the normal like, you know, mother in law kind of type of relationships. I am like going back and thinking about the first few weddings I’ve done and Um, it was a very sophisticated wedding because of the cultural, um, aspects of the wedding. Um, so there were, there were things that were cultural that needed to happen in the morning. There’s an afternoon. It was a very long day, 16 hours. Okay. To be exact. Um, so, um, we were trying to get everything done because first of all, we wanted our reputation to really like, you know, be the fact that like, we’re serious about keeping time. And that we wanted to change the cultural expectations because a lot of East African, or I would say even African weddings in general that I’ve experienced as a guest before, are known to be late. Like if you say seven o’clock, it really means nine. You know, you don’t go there till nine. So a lot of our work was like educating people. Hey, we need to start on time. And I remember we were very vigilant about making sure we were the first, you know, Ethiopian, uh, wedding planners that did that. And so the first wedding we did, I remember we were so on time that the groom was like, it’s rude to be on time. And I was like, I’m sorry, and we’re like trying to get things done and move, move simple like that the parts along and he’s like, we can’t really be on time like it’s rude. And that really like, like, I didn’t know how to go from there because the whole reason that we were hired was to, that’s literally what you already planned. Yeah, time and we organize everything. So I was like, you know what? I’m just going to let it be after this. Cause I was like, I don’t want it to seem like it’s my wedding and I care.

So I’m like. I’m just going to let it go and, um, instances like that and just managing different families expectation while because there’s, um, less respect for the, for the, for the career, for the profession in most African women. Um, like environments, you’re, you have to fight to kind of be like, hey, you need to do this this way and somebody is going to insult you. I’ve, I’ve gotten so many insults. I’ve gotten so many glares. So many, uh, yeah, so it’s, it’s a lot of like first the educational aspect of it was high. But there’s one wedding in particular where a few days before the wedding, the bride calls me and I’m parking by my door, trying to get inside. But you know, when you started the business, you were very accessible over the phone.

And so I was very accessible and you would call me random times and I’m telling you random times, sometimes 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock. Uh, yeah, that’s, that’s on me because I didn’t know how to set boundaries, to be honest, but, um, she calls me, she’s like, his family’s coming in from, uh, from out of town. And I’ve planned to clean the house today, but he wants to host a party. And I was like, okay, what’s the problem? And she’s like, well, I want, I want the house cleaned and I don’t want anybody to, to do parties together. Okay. And she’s like, I don’t know if this is a right decision for me. I was like, oh my god. Marry him? Yeah, because Because of that? Yeah, because I think it kind of brought in the, the, the expectations of family and the compromise.

She probably never thought that would happen because they live in different states. Uh, and maybe that really like opened up her eyes to really like. Oh my God, I might actually need to, I might actually need to be with this family forever. I don’t know if that’s the case. And the thing is like, I know I have a way with people, but like. I don’t know if I should be giving you therapy advice at this moment, but I was like, you know what? I just got to do what I got to do. And cause it’s a few days away and I have to have a wedding. Hey, you know, in a relationship there’s compromise. Maybe you can schedule it in a way where you’re using plastic plates instead of actual, I’m not kidding you. I’m going through the details of how she can still Let him have his party with his family, uh, while still being able to clean the house and prepare the house for the event. So I, I gave her a schedule, you still have two days, let him have the party tomorrow and then you can clean on Friday. I’m not joking.

Christa Innis: I hope you were charging overtime. 

Bethy Abdissa: No, that’s the thing. How do you even do that? Like It’s almost like the, the access is so high after you get hired, like that’s something I’m trying to incorporate now because I’m trying to draw boundaries, but it’s almost like they feel like you’re their person and you’re that person that they come to. And I have, I’m still yet to discover what that looks like, but majority of my job is like therapy. And that’s what I’ll tell you. Like it’s therapy, uh, saying, Hey, in a marriage. Um, you know, this happens and I just got divorced like maybe eight months before after that happened. So for me to give marriage advice was weird, but I was like, you know what, I’m just going to have to do it.

Christa Innis: You’re like, we gotta do what we gotta

Bethy Abdissa: do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So those are some of the stories.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Well, that’s the thing with like cell phones, too. It’s like this day and age, like people can access you at any point. So like, we also feel like, oh, they can call me or they can text me. So I have to respond. And I think it’s like a constant thing of being like, okay, just because I have a phone and I can be accessed doesn’t mean I should allow access at all points. And that’s a good like conversation about boundaries. Um, like the job that We worked together. That’s I think what kind of did me in with teaching me about boundaries, especially with come when it comes to work, because that said Boss, it would be like a Sunday afternoon, I’d be with my family and I’d get a text and it wouldn’t be just like, hope you’re having a good weekend.

Of course not. It’d be like, why didn’t you do this? You need to do this, and it would. My heart would be pounding so that I would have such anxiety on the weekends. I’d be like, oh my gosh I’d be on vacation. I get texts from him and all this crazy stuff and I was just like yes Yes, yes, because you know like growing up. I was a people pleaser. Yes girl So I would say yes to everything and then you kind of realize like if I’m saying yes to everyone like I’m like that famous Quote like I’m saying no to myself But it’s hard, like, especially in, you know, a profession of wedding planner, you want them to trust you, you want them to look at you as that point of contact, so like, how do you be accessible, but not too accessible to where you’re like, it’s take eating into your own person.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, exactly. And I think that’s like, still something I’m navigating, but I think it’s more so. Um, I do this like assessment of the person before now when we’re chatting and figuring out if we are a match because I’ve understood that like not all money is good money like Like I had a I had a bride. I I kid you not Um, she would, uh, WhatsApp message me at midnight and the thing is, like, I, I have ADHD, so if I don’t respond right away, I probably won’t respond until three, four days.

Like, that’s just the type of person I am. So I, I would respond and I would say, and then in the end I had to draw a boundary. Like I was like, Hey. You can only contact me. You can only access me during these hours. Um, after that, it will have to wait another 24 hours and it really is uncomfortable, but to have these conversations had has made me like a better wedding planner, a better, even business person, because now I get to choose the person I work with. Not every business that comes to me is worth having, you know?

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I think it’s like with, um. Kind of how you get interviewed by your client at the same time you’re like you guys are like interviewing each other to make sure you’re the right match like because yeah, it’s like you don’t want to just say yes to anybody. You want to make sure it’s a good fit like you’re going to fit all their needs and you’re going to they’re going to work well with you know your schedule or how you do things as well. Um, for sure. Um, yeah, I feel like that’s like one of those things where it’s like you want to like help and you want to do a good job. So you’re like, we’re used to just being like, okay, I’ll say yes. But then it’s like, I feel like like what you said when we set boundaries and this goes for like all conversations. A lot of the stories that we talk about when you set boundaries, you’re not it. Saying no to everybody and being the mean person, you’re actually just protecting your peace a little bit, and you’re allowing yourself to approach situations more peacefully and happily, I feel like, in my experience, because then you’re not just like drudged by like, oh, this person nonstop contacts me, you’re like, oh, I’m excited to like work with this person, or I’m excited because, you know, I work with them on this point, you know, and it’s It’s protecting your peace.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And sometimes you have to actually spell it out because like, for instance, our day of coordinator package says 30 days out of 30 days before your wedding, um, we will, you’ll have access to us. Basically. We start the coordinating where you hand us off the hard work you’ve done. It’s like you’re, you know, stress free months. And I have to spell it out and say. You know, this does not mean that, you know, those 30 days I become, you know, you a hundred percent. And I stress, I probably will have another wedding that I’m working on. So it’s like, I just have to spell it out and say, this means that you can contact me during business hours from this time to this time, because first it was just like any time, you know, they would call me, can we set a meeting?

Can we, can we meet now? Can we meet now? And there is just like. No consideration for like this person. It has a business or has a life or even like is attending to other brides and grooms Like there’s no it’s like, you know straight like the only yeah, there’s nothing they see but themselves So it’s like I have to spell it out. I we do other weddings as well you’re not the only way like I hate doing that, but it’s also like Take some responsibility for yourself, but also be in a position where when I show up I show up a hundred percent And like when I am setting up a meeting for two hours, those two hours is yours and nothing else, uh, rather than me giving you scrapes or leftovers.

When the Groom’s Sister DEMANDED to Be a Bridesmaid

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, I absolutely, I love that. I think that’s a great point. So let’s kind of talk about some wedding hot takes. Um, and I get some that are like, that are sent to me from time to time. Um, but it’s just, I just kind of want to get your opinion on these. Um, okay. Should couples be expected to write personal vows or traditional ones just fine?

Bethy Abdissa: I think traditional ones are just fine. For me, it’s more simplicity. Like, if they want to do their personal vows, some personal vows need to be kept. Personal. I, I, like it’s too much to, it’s almost like you’re pouring out your heart to the entire, um, congregation, whoever is in the wedding, where you could just keep it for your video. Maybe do like what I suggest couples do is they have, if they have a videographer, great. Have that, you know, be part of your, um, video where they can, you can read it to each other. without having it, you know, all guts out on ceremony. I have been loving more and more 10 to 15 minutes ceremonies because it’s, it gets to the point, the person that marries them, I would.

Say it’s someone who knows them. That’s also you can tell by the wedding Like if they just picked a random person versus a person who knows both of them or has spent time To get to know the couple before the wedding I’ve had couples that got Officiants over from the not and I can tell Like, you don’t have to say anything because it’s just so, like, dry. There’s no, like, humor or even, like, knowing the couples into it, so there’s no creativity. It can be 10 15 minutes of just, like, these are the couple, we love your love. You know, get together and then do the traditional vows, rings and everything. So I, I lean towards more traditional vows, um, but still have personal vows maybe to yourself or yeah,

Christa Innis: I’m to tell you, yeah, we got ours on the nut and she was so great. Yeah. I think we got really lucky because they’re not all great. I entered, we interviewed a few. And we were supposed to have my uncle do it because he, like, married all the cousins in the family. But last minute he wasn’t able to do it. And so we found ours on the net and she was marvelous. Like, but we met with her a lot to, like, customize everything. I think we met with her probably two or three times. And she, like, She, we each wrote our own vows, but then she looked them over and made sure they kind of like matched up because you don’t want someone that’s like, you know, has like this super long one. Then someone else has like two sentences. So she like matched them and like worked with each of us to kind of like get them aligned. But I think we got lucky. We even had friends that were at our wedding end up using her because they like loved her.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, that’s amazing.

Christa Innis: But yeah, we definitely, for our first pick was someone that we knew, but

Bethy Abdissa: yeah,

Christa Innis: um, so we’d be like, we rather would have someone that has experience if we couldn’t get someone that we knew.

Bethy Abdissa: I agree. And I think just the personal vows are, I don’t know, maybe it’s, I don’t think it’s the right time or space for, for that kind of vulnerability. I guess maybe I’m just, maybe I’m just a bit weird on that, but. You know, I’m the type of person that says, what makes you happy? What does, you know, what really makes you happy? How can we make it work? Um, I, but personal reference preference would be that we do like, um, traditional vows and then, cause most people are actually like, I don’t know if you were already married, but most people are already married or they’re just doing celebrations though, at least the ones I’ve done, um, and then, and then they’re just doing it to just, you know, for the, for the, for the day.

Christa Innis: Right. No, I totally agree. So what is your opinion on uninviting guests for different reasons, like let’s say your budget changes or something happens with a guest that you were going to have come? Do you agree with uninviting people?

Bethy Abdissa: Um, before, if you asked me this before, and I mean before I started this business, because I was married before, right? Um, I would say no, I, I’m a people pleaser, like there’s no way, there’s no way I would not invite all 700 of my, my parents, friends, like, you know, even though my wedding was like 300 people and it was during COVID. So, like, um, if it wasn’t like, now that I am thinking of. Possibly getting married to someone again.

I am only inviting people that I know, that I know, that I know, that I know, that I know. Right? Not just like, know. Are gonna be in our lives. Like, or are gonna be somehow in our future. And I am not shaky about, you know, their perceptions towards me or my relationship or anything like that. I’m very harsh on cutting off people now. So, I would uninvite people if I feel a certain way. I would cut off even bridesmaids, groomsmen, you know.

Christa Innis: There’s no telling.

Lessons in Wedding Tantrums: When Adults Act Like Toddlers

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, the thing is like, I think, um, I don’t want to keep pleasing or, if it takes away from the bride’s or the groom’s happiness, just to please somebody. You’re spending money on it. They’re eating your food. They’re sitting on the chair you paid for. Um, I, I hope to God those are the people that you want to see. And you want to, like, I don’t want my mood to change if I’m seeing somebody, you know, and my face is just going to change because they’re there. Like, I want to 100 percent protect the presence that I’m in.

Um, so, I, I would say uninvite anybody that doesn’t, actually I have a, I have a good example. I had a bride last year. Uh, where, um, a month before her wedding, her Uh, what’s it called? A maid of honor was acting weird. She was acting weird and she told me and she, she said, Hey, hey, Bethy, my, you know, maid of honor is acting weird. She’s doing this. She’s doing that. She’s doing this. And I normally, I’m not going to give you advice. I don’t, I don’t give out solicited advice at all because I, I’m very careful. I don’t want them to come back and be like, you told me. So I don’t give a son solicited advice. I said, Oh, okay, just, you know, keep an eye out for her.

Make sure your happiness comes first, um, and you know, just protect your peace. Um, and then a week or two after that, um, she, I think something else happened that aggravated the situation between her and her maid of honor. And this is a person she’s known like 20, 30 years. So yeah, it’s a long, long time, uh, but she cut her off. She wasn’t, she wasn’t a part of the bride, the bridal party anymore. And she had one less person on her side, even though her groom had. Um, one more person.

Christa Innis: Wow. So things just felt weird or like there were specific things that she did that were like questionable?

Bethy Abdissa: Very shady. Very shady behavior. Just wasn’t supportive. Uh, her happiness wasn’t making her happy. Maybe some people internalize it. Um, they weren’t, if they’re not married and somebody else is married all the time. I see it all the time, especially bridesmaids. They’re so weird. So I, every time a bride, when I do my consultation and she says, I don’t have bridesmaids, I’m like, good for you. Because not necessarily because that’s always the case, but especially if you have more than three or four. There’s gonna be one bad apple. Like, there’s just gonna be one weird person that’s gonna maybe try to control things or is feeling insecure. Some sort of drama. So, like, less drama for me, less work for me. So, I always say, if you have bridesmaids, make sure they’re the people. Like I said, it goes both ways, right? Not just guests, but like, your vital party needs to be 100 percent on your side.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, I’ve done I’ve been in lots of weddings and I would say I would say usually like the bachelorette party I feel like brings up a lot of drama or like planning stuff. There’s usually a few I’ve definitely seen the drama Luckily, I haven’t been in a wedding where like on the wedding day. There’s drama that I can think of Maybe I blocked something out. I don’t know. But like, it’s a lot. It’s a lot with a lot of girls and I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to have people in the wedding that you wouldn’t necessarily, like, a lot of the stories that get sent to me is like parents were like, you have to have your sister in the wedding when they’re not close or you have to have your childhood friend that they grew up with and they’re like, I’m not really close with them anymore. So they feel this like pressure to like appease their parents and have someone in that doesn’t really like fit in the mix or It’s not like a good person, maybe, and that kind of causes some awkwardness.

Bethy Abdissa: Especially coming from a, for me, our background, a lot of the Ethiopian, Eritrean, these kinds of weddings are. Religious by nature, reli. There’s some sort of religiousness aspect aspect to it, but maybe the bride and groom are not that religious. Mm-hmm . And so they would have a wedding that really says nothing about them, just because they wanna appease, like their family, their grandparents, they don’t wanna, um, disappoint anybody. So you can see that happening because they, it is just part of the culture. So I’m like. But then they would have a separate party, like, by themselves, um, so it’s just more money for, you know, people you don’t, you probably won’t even see again. You, you probably don’t even know their names. Yeah. But that’s just usually the case.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely heard of that happening with, uh, with some, a couple people I’ve heard of like having like a separate wedding because they wanted the one that would appease their parents and then they had a separate one. Um, yeah. In case they’re listening, I don’t want to say who it is, but I’m just kidding.

But yeah, it definitely happens. Um, okay. I want to jump into this week’s blind wedding submission. So this is our blind reaction, I should say. So these are wedding submissions that people send me. Um, I’ve not read it yet. Um, I just kind of grabbed them from the document and so we’ll kind of see what happens, feel free to stop me at any time and react, or I’ll kind of just like pause here and there. Here we go. Let’s see what we got. Okay. My husband and I had been together for eight years when we got engaged. We were childhood sweethearts getting together at 17 and 18. So no one was surprised when we announced it. Everyone knew it was coming and was so excited for us. We couldn’t wait to start planning. We set our wedding date for three years later to save money and avoid conflicts with other family and friends weddings that we already knew about. Everything was going great until it came time to ask the bridal party. Here we go. We’re just like, we knew, I swear I did not know this was about. Hey. I predicted it.

Bethy Abdissa: Come on. Tell me.

Christa Innis: That is so funny. Oh my gosh. You’re like, I warned you guys. I warned you. I told you. For context, I already knew my husband’s younger sister, Emily, before I even knew him. Names have been changed. Um, we were in the same class in high school, had mutual friends, and were friendly. However, when I had started dating her brother, she was furious. She made us feel like the worst people in the world, even screaming at us in public, just because we held hands while walking together. Ooh, okay. Um, another bit of context, we’re Irish, and bridal parties here are typically much smaller than in the U. S. Most couples have two or three bridesmaids and the same number of groomsmen.

Um, sometimes only one of each. The bride and groom also cover all expenses for the bridal party, including attire, shoes, hair, makeup, and a thank you gift. So it’s common to choose people you’re closest to. For my bridesmaids, I wanted my best friend of 15 years to be my maid of honor. My cousin, who’s just 20 days younger than me and has been my best friend my whole life, um, and my college best friend, whom I was a bridesmaid with for the year before, or who I was a bridesmaid for the year before. To give more context, my maid of honor lives in the UK, my cousin lives in Japan, and my college based friend, college best friend, is 40 minutes away. I’m getting into specifics here. This could be anybody, though, guys. Um, I was so excited to ask them. I made personalized cards with pictures of us through the years, wrote heartfelt messages and included a team bride sash.

I mailed the two cards overseas and plan to give the third in person since it was my only chance to experience that moment. One evening, we were discussing wedding plans with my husband’s family, something we often did, as both families have been supportive up until this point. I mentioned we were visiting my college friend to ask her to be in the wedding party, and my husband was asking her husband to be a groomsman. That’s when everything went south. Oh my gosh. It literally is like we predicted this story. That was so weird. I told you. Go ahead. I’m excited. I know. Emily completely lost it. She started yelling, insisting it was unfair that she wasn’t included, that because she was his sister and had gone to school with me.

She also claimed it was wrong to not have any family in my bridal party. For reference, my husband wasn’t asking my brother either, because in Ireland it’s not expected unless you’re extremely close. She threw a full tantrum, stomping her feet like a child, shouting at us, and demanding to be a bridesmaid. Could you imagine demanding to be someone’s bridesmaid? Like, my thing is, like, if they don’t ask me, like, That’s fine. Like, they have a different vision. Like, I’m not going to demand, because at that point, it’d be so weird then to be in the wedding, because you’re just there because you demanded.

Bethy Abdissa: You’re not wanted. Like, you’re, it’s almost like you broke into somebody’s house and you’re eating food. Like, it’s, it’s weird. Like, why would you even like be excited? But, uh, we already knew this was going to go left anyway. I’m excited how, how this ends. Yes.

Christa Innis: There was so much entitlement, and she said some truly nasty things.

We explained our choices, and I pointed out that if I asked her, I would also have to ask My husband’s two other sisters. Wait, he didn’t even mention that he has two other sisters. That’d be three more people. And we simply couldn’t afford a six person bridal party. His mom tried to calm things, things down, but we ended up leaving. I felt awful, like I was being made out to be a terrible person. So they don’t even mention the fact that he has three sisters and this sister’s demanding that she’s in it. It’s like, It’s not like all the other two sisters were in there and you were excluded, like, no sisters were in there.

Bethy Abdissa: I think she’s, obviously, there’s way more, my, my psychology antenna is flying off the radar right now, because it feels like she’s always been jealous or wants to outshine the brother, or, you know, some, I’ll tell you, I’ve seen this multiple times, some sisters have weird attachments to their brother, like, I don’t know, maybe. Kind of almost like they feel like a lot of these types of things happen, especially from my background I’ve seen it like even when I was young they would have weird attachments to their brother as if like their brother is Like their own husband like and I’m not saying something like this is not I’m John I’m not trying to throw out anything that’s weird but if they have some sort of weird attachment when an outside person comes in and takes or You know, has his attention, maybe they were already very too close to a point where it’s not normal that now his attention is like deviated towards this woman.

And now instead of having self awareness and saying, Hey, like my brother has his own life and now I have to figure out my own life. What they tend to do is like exert that like neediness and very codependency on, on the woman because she’s the outside, she’s the enemy. Right. So I’ve seen things like this all the time, and they would, they would act weird. The outbursts, these things are just like, almost like a, like, um, how do I say, it’s the outside depiction of what’s actually going on in the inside. She’s just not well. Like, she’s not okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that, like, reminds me of a story. I did a skit on it, actually, and it’s one of, a really popular one, and they were twins. It was a boy and girl twin set, and when he was getting married, they decided they weren’t, I think they were gonna each have one, I did it so long ago, they were each gonna have one or something in the wedding, and the twin sister was like, well, I’m walking him down the aisle, and they’re like, well, no, we’re not gonna have him walk down the aisle.

She’s like, well, I’m his best man, and she, like, tried so hard, like, up until, like, she found out, um, What dress the the maid of honor was wearing and bought the same one It was this crazy thing and she like would not let it go And this was a story someone sent to me like I don’t even know probably over a year almost two years ago now And that was the first I’d like heard something like that in there and the bride sent it and she was like she was so protective over her brother Saying like she needed this part in the wedding because she was his twin sister And she was just as important as the maid of honor and as the bride and it was like she could not comprehend that she was not the bride marrying her brother like

Bethy Abdissa: yeah no it’s so funny you said that because it’s also like they they have this like Um, they, they feel like they’re owed something because she probably introduced them, right? Or I was there like when this happened, um, I’m sure if she has her own boyfriend, her own husband, she would not even like be that obsessed. But there is like almost like a jealousy of like, I was there when it happened, but it didn’t happen for me. Now I’m watching you like kind of grow and move on into this relationship while I am being. You know, yeah, because I’m she’s she feels like she’s being abandoned.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s like the toxic mother in law but instead sister in law where they’re kind of like don’t leave me like I I deserve this as much as you do so like bring me along for the ride kind of thing.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, like, make me a bridesmaid is not because I love you so much, uh, the bride, it’s not like, Oh, I want to stand next to you and you’re married, like, it’s not coming from like, I want to support you. It’s like, somehow, some way my presence is going to be known and I’m not leaving whatever union you guys are building now. I’m going to be there.

Christa Innis: Right? Like, even like

Bethy Abdissa: going forward, if they had a child together, that person is going to be problematic.

Christa Innis: Yes. I, I always think about that too. I’m like, thank God I have amazing in laws. I get along with my sister in laws and all that because I hear these stories and I’m like, people like that are like, I’m moving in next door. Do you have a spare bedroom? I’m moving, you know, like they don’t understand the boundaries of like, no, this is a new family. He’s starting like, let’s have a break there.

Bethy Abdissa: No, I’ll be honest like even my brother and I were very close like super close one year and nine months apart And when when he introduced me to his wife I knew well before she became his wife, right? I knew she was gonna be his wife like something in me told me It’s not like anybody else that he’s introduced me before I didn’t care about them But this one I when I met her my heart told me she was gonna be his wife.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Bethy Abdissa: I had like a moment of like Damn, like, we’re not gonna, I’m not gonna have that access like I used to before. It lasted two months, that feeling, though, right? Like, it’s like, I was like, oh my gosh, but then now, like, I think I love her more than I love him, right? Like, I, generally, I tell him that, too. Like, if, if they’re, like, even chit chatting and I see them, I’m always on her side. I’m always giving him a hard time. But, like, I understood that, like, Yes, it feels weird to, you know, let go of somebody who is like, he’s my younger brother. So it’s like who you are attached to your whole life. I understand that because I felt it, but there’s also like this, he’s building his own life. And I’m going to support him in any way I can and for me, it was letting him go, letting him make those decisions, um, and living his own life.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And now you have a new sister, which is like, Oh my

Bethy Abdissa: God, like she’s the best, like I would trade him for her. Like, that’s how I feel. I love that.

Christa Innis: Well, yeah, it’s like people like that. Don’t like realize people in the stories. I don’t realize is you’re just gonna make it harder for everyone to have a relationship with you because you’re not gonna make it. The brother’s not gonna want to hang out with you if you don’t like his wife or you make a stickler about everything. And then it just makes everything more uncomfortable. But if you guys If you supported him and got along, then they would want to invite you to more things, and they’d want you to be around, and you and the wife would have a good relationship, and it’s just like, it’s hard they don’t see it like that.

Bethy Abdissa: She would probably have made her her bridesmaid. I mean, that’s seven years they’ve dated, right? Like, if she wasn’t weird, in seven years, you could have built a beautiful bond with the sister, where, with the new wife, right? Where you could actually be a bridesmaid, not actually Intrude into a relationship, but she could have invited you in and because you would have probably been close to her And I think like your feelings are meant to be felt.

That’s what I say all the time Like your feelings whatever feeling you have if you feel abandoned if you feel like you’re left out Whatever your feelings are meant to be felt but your actions Your feelings shouldn’t dictate your actions, like I feel abandoned, therefore I’m going to throw a fuss and make everybody miserable. No, I feel abandoned, therefore this is my responsibility to take my own, uh, feelings into control and understand that people move on.

Christa Innis: Mm hmm. Okay, you said earlier that as a wedding planner, you feel like a therapist. I feel like you’re a therapist. That was such good advice. I’m like, I need therapy time with Bethy.

Bethy Abdissa: I, I’m telling you, like, the more I spend with people, time with people, and I understand, like, how they’re thinking, how they’re talking, like, some skills are just coming into, I don’t know, maybe I need to go to therapy school and just, you know, have some sort of certification for people, but truly, I, I enjoy. Um, I, I understand feelings, like I’m not dismissing the fact that, but her outer reactions are just saying, I’m needy and I need people’s attention.

Christa Innis: Mm hmm. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Okay, let’s see what we got here next. Um, so she made her feel like she’s a terrible person because of the tension. We decided to hold off on officially asking my third bridesmaid. I didn’t want to make things worse by having someone post about on social media. That’s very considerate, which might further upset Emily. Three days later, after feeling nothing but anxiety and frustration, my mother in law called and asked us to come over to talk things through. We agree. and went that evening.

Once again, I explained that the bride and groom cover all the bridal bridal party expenses. So it’s important to choose people you love and feel comfortable around. I had already decided I wouldn’t cave to Emily’s demands, especially after how disrespectful she had been. Not just about this, but from the very beginning of our relationship, I understood that she was upset, but that was no excuse for being rude and hurtful. I stood my ground even when she yelled at me. I told her that her behavior was only making me more certain of my decision. Good for her. Um, I got upset and snapped a little, but I was exhausted from the emotional toll of it all. My husband, thankfully, was fully on my side. He backed me up, um, stood up for me when his sister was being nasty and didn’t let her steamroll the situation.

Big credit to him. It’s never easy to stand up to family. We left. I felt horrible, like I had done something wrong. In the end, because I hate conflict and wanted to avoid more drama, I never asked my college best friend to be my bridesmaid. I just had to. It’s my one regret from my wedding, even almost two years later. That makes me so sad because she was really firm. I love that she was firm and was like, I’m not giving in to the sister. But then to never ask the third person because she was like, this is what blew up the whole situation. That’s what, I feel so sad for her.

Bethy Abdissa: That is, that is very sad because, um, maybe the best friend is understanding. Like I’m hoping she is, but at the same time, I would say like weddings and like when, when you’re doing weddings or you’re going through a hard time, like a funeral or some devastating things, those are the times where you see people’s true colors. Like. Like, genuinely you will see people who are truly happy for you, who are not happy for you, people who would, you know, be there for you and, and vice versa.

And so, I don’t know, for me, like, when there are weddings. My, uh, like, uh, ex friends, now they’re ex friends because their wedding situation, what happened during their wedding, how they were, they were treating me as a, as a person, that really cemented our relationship, like, I don’t know if she’s, the best friend is able, able to move forward from that, even though I can understand the Brights decision because she’s going into this family and this family is probably going to be with her forever. Um, and that’s the idea. Like you’re building, she was looking forward and made a decision based on that. Um, but I think the harder thing to do would have been drawing that boundary and maybe cutting that sister off. That would have been the hardest thing to do. Um, then really like. At the expense of a probable friendship that she lost or I don’t know, there’s manliness or you know, there’s, there’s probably some, some difference.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it sounds to me too like in the beginning that I think she said, so she’s in Ireland so it’s like very common to have only one or two sometimes so it sounds like maybe she was already kind of like not stretching it but like with three was like. Her number. So hopefully the college best friend just never like thought of anything of it because it’s like normal, but what does suck is that that seemed like the friend that was like closest to her, like, like location wise closest to her, and she seemed most excited because she’s gonna be able to experience like asking her and her being like, yes, you know, um, So it’s like, happy on one side, she had that boundary, but then it’s like, uh, but yeah, I’m curious, like, you know, like we were saying, it’s like, it’s only gonna get worse with someone like that, because I doubt someone like that’s gonna like, learn their lesson, like, I mean, it’s good that she didn’t cave, but still, like, she’s gonna demand to be a part of certain things, or try to, if they have kids, or if they, you know, buy a house, or whatever that looks like for them, it’s like, who knows how she’s gonna, uh,

Bethy Abdissa: I, um, one thing you mentioned that I wanted to preface is like, um, the bride covering the cost for the bridesmaids is actually also in, not in America, not the weddings in America, but the weddings back home in Ethiopia and Eritrea. You as a bride and groom, you’re going to ask people to be your bridesmaids and groomsmen. You cover all their costs. So that’s something also in our culture that is normal back home. Um, and then when you come here, you’re like, ah, people don’t want to, people are like, you know, we’re in America. Now you got to do it the American way and take care of your expenses, take care of your stuff. So. You can understand why she wanted to pick that, um, I think moving forward if their boundaries is not gonna be stronger than what it was, like, even the comfort that this person has to even voice themselves like that is what scares me, right? There’s some sort of, maybe even the way that person grew up, this sister, right? The way she grew up, they’ve allowed so many things unchecked. For her to feel comfortable enough to say this to, like, an outsider, her brother’s wife. Yeah. Must have felt so comfortable saying it. She must have felt like she always gets her own way.

Christa Innis: Got her way. Mm hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: So it’s learned behavior. It’s not just something she just brought up like a one moment, right? So it’s like the family has been letting this go far enough where it got to this point. But I hope the husband, and I would want to always say this, I always say, even when I talk to my brother, even when I talk to any like grooms, I always say, if you do not draw the line, if you do not say, you know, this is the new family you’re protecting, and this is the new family you’re building, and your family, your mom, your dad, your sister, whatever, do not see that message sent, there’s always going to be an overstep.

There’s always going to be, she’s gonna have a child and the sister is gonna tell her. Oh, you shouldn’t, shouldn’t you be feeding it this way? Shouldn’t you be doing it this way? As the diapers, da da da, like the snarky comments, the, the just like an unhealthy environment where you can Both just grow together and make mistakes together and raise that child. It will always be, there’s a nagging voice outside and that part is gonna be hard. Maybe they need a, a year or two apart from this person, and I’m serious about that. Like when it comes to boundaries, I’ve gotten really strict because of all the mistakes and, uh, things I did in my past in my personal life that I’m like, you need to really like cement that into people’s minds for you to have a peaceful life.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s, I feel like it’s so refreshing once you do set a boundary and you realize, hey, I’m not mean for saying no to something, like, I was just protecting blah, blah, blah. Like, even if it’s something as simple as, like, I’m not going to respond to a text after 8pm at night. I’m just not gonna do it. You know, something like that. You’re like, oh, that felt kind of good. Like, I wasn’t at just someone’s back end call. Even if it wasn’t like a very harmless text or just friendly text, you’re just like, no, I’m giving, you know, space. You kind of realize, like, okay, I’m not being mean. Like, we’re told this, like, narrative that, like, if we’re, if we say no to someone, we’re mean. And I don’t know where that comes from. If it’s a people pleaser thing or if we’re taught as, like, young girls. I don’t know what that is, but, yeah. I totally agree. Everything you’re saying, I’m like, Oh, this is so like therapeutic. Oh, good. 

Bethy Abdissa: The way I frame boundaries is like when I set boundaries with people or I set boundaries with my clients, I always say like, this is as much as it is for me as it is for you. And then you’ll be confused and say, what? This feels like you’re shutting me out, right? Like this feels like you’re drawing a line to keep me away from that line. But it’s also like you’re, I’m setting expectations that I can fulfill. It’s basically saying, like, this is what I can do. Therefore, the things that I can’t do, you figure it out on your own.

Because now I’m not enabling you anymore. Yeah. I’m not just doing the things and saying yes to every call. Now you have to maybe figure out your emotions by yourself. Now maybe you need to throw that tantrum by yourself in an empty room instead of calling me. Maybe you’ll take a breather before you take an action or take responsibility for the things that you need to do. And it doesn’t feel like good at the moment, right? When I’m setting that line, it doesn’t feel good. But most of the times I will get Like, now I, people are like, oh my god, I, I’m so proud of you for saying no to me. And I even tell it to my friends, I’m like, please say no to me. If you need to take time, instead of, you know, picking up my phone call and having a conversation, say no to me, because I will be happy that you’re spending that time taking care of yourself. That’s the type of people you want in your life where they appreciate that you, you saying no doesn’t mean rejection. It just means that they’re taking care of more things that are priority at that moment.

Christa Innis: Yes, absolutely. Yeah. And in regards to like these kind of stories where someone is constantly overstepping and showing no respect, you need to put like that firm, firm boundary and you might need to be, be a little mean back and be like, this is our boundary. We’re taking time away until you can kind of figure it out. So my whole Is that this couple was able to do that, and maybe the sister, fingers crossed, learned from it? Fingers crossed.

Bethy Abdissa: Uh, has, uh, some self awareness or, I don’t know, a shot, I don’t know, something to calm her down. Yes. So she is focused on her own life and figure out why maybe internally, you know, it’s some for some people it’s actually jealousy, you know, it’s, you just don’t know where these feelings come from. Like, it’s very weird, they show up as something else but internally they’re coming from like maybe she’s, she’s probably not fulfilled in her own life.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, and they project that feeling. So I hope she finds the healing that she needs, but I hope Emily, was it Emily, the bride’s name? Um, Emily was

Christa Innis: the sister.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, Emily is problematic. Okay. Yeah. The, the bride and groom find their peace and yeah.

The Brother Who Never Showed Up

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, me too. Okay, before we end here, I do, um, I like to end on confessions. So on Instagram, people send me some different Instagrams every Instagram. They sent me their confessions every week. So I’m just going to read these and we’ll just kind of react to them. First one says my brother didn’t show up to my wedding. He was giving me away. It hurts. That breaks my heart. That’s terrible. Because I’ve heard of like, no shows when it comes to like, guests or something. Which, that sucks too. But like, when it’s your own brother, we’re just talking about this. Like, and you ask them to be a big part of the wedding.

Bethy Abdissa: Ay, that’s, that sucks. I don’t, I don’t even know what to say. Like, that would, that would might, oh my god, that might really ruin my day. Like, I can’t even imagine what that would feel like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s horrible. I’m really sorry. Hopefully I don’t even know how you would like fix that because you can’t give that take that

Bethy Abdissa: back Yeah,

A Fling or a Double Life? She Had a Secret 4-Year Relationship!

Christa Innis: hopefully he had a darn good excuse.

I don’t know Next one. My friend ended her eight year relationship After getting wait, my friend ended her eight year relationship after getting pregnant with her four year old long fling partner. Huh? Huh? So she was in a relationship, but then she had a four year fling during that? I’m

Bethy Abdissa: a four year. There’s no fling that’s four years. That’s a whole, that’s a, that’s a three year old baby right there. If you took like, you know what I’m saying? Like, yeah, that’s not a fling. You, you just have two relationships. Is she,

Christa Innis: like, that’s like a, an affair? Are they saying like a four year affair?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, because, I don’t even know if that’s a fair. You just have two families. Like, and, like, I don’t know. Four years is like too long for it to be. Like, at what point, what are you doing at that point? Like, The parent, the, the father of the baby was the other one instead of the eight year one, and is that why? Or, we don’t have any context. I don’t have, that’s all I got sent. All right.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and she put friends in quotations, so I’m guessing they’re not close friends. I would guess maybe just acquaintances. That Like, when you hear those stories where, like, someone had two families and they were, like, keeping one a secret, I’m like, how? I can barely maintain a job in one family.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, no, I, I have a terrible poker face for me to do that. Like, I, I can’t do that, but No. Yes, my question to you, actually, I don’t know if you’re comfortable responding to this one, but, like, if you had a friend who has an 8 year Threat relationship, but also has a side person for four years. Would you tell that eight year person?

Christa Innis: So am I finding out like, so like if, are they coming to me and I know they’ve been like with someone for eight years and they’re like, Hey, by the way, I’ve been with someone else for four years too. Or are they, are they telling me like in the beginning?

Bethy Abdissa: No, they just told you they’ve also had a, another relationship for four years.

Christa Innis: I guess it would depend on my relationship with this friend. Like, if it was like a really close friend, I would be like, Dude, like, what are we doing here? Like, this is not okay. Because all my, like, really close friends, like, that I see regularly, like, I would consider all their husbands or partners, like, best friends of mine, too. Yeah. Though I could never, like, Look at them and know that that was happening, um, and not say anything. But I also respect, like, each relationship to be like, I feel like you need to be the one to tell your partner. But I would kind of be like, you need to do this. And then, like, check in and be like, hey, how are, how are things going with that?

Um, I can’t say I’ve ever known of someone doing this that’s coming right off the bat. Like, or like, cheated and tried to like balance two things where I’m like, Hey, you gonna tell them? Because, um, I don’t know, maybe like college or something. I’m trying to think if there was anyone I knew of. But like,

Bethy Abdissa: no, I think it’s like, the way I see it, and maybe I’m overthinking it. Okay, tell me if I’m overthinking it. But the way I see it is like, If somebody comes to me and I know they’re in this eight year relationship and they confess about this, uh, side person for four years, this person for me is, needs to be in like, freaking CIA or something because they, like, I can never trust this person again, even for my own sake.

I think it says a lot about their characters for me. Like, regardless of whether or not they were able, let’s say even the eight year person is like really bad to them. Like for me it’s like if you haven’t spoken and you ha you haven’t really said something, um, to, to this person. I am big on loyalty. And so like, if you haven’t done that, like I can’t trust that anything I’ve done or said to you or anything that I’ve shared with you is actually even like a secret anymore. Like I don’t. Because if you betrayed somebody else like that, um, I don’t feel like my relationship is safe with you. Like, I’m very, I think things may be too extreme and that’s okay, you can tell me if I’m wrong. But like, I just feel like right away, I feel unsafe with this person and I need to dip.

Christa Innis: Yeah, so I, when I share, like, more personal stories on here, I try to be really careful so, like, if someone were listening, they wouldn’t know. But I will say, and I’ll say as generally as possible, someone that I know, like, years ago, it came out that they were, like, having an affair, and this is someone I’m not close with. It’s more, I would say, like, acquaintance, right? I could not look at the, the same. The person already knew that they were being, like, cheated on, the other person.

And it still never, I will always look at them that way. Because I’m like, you abandoned your family. Like, I don’t want to give details because obviously, whatever. I was just like so disgusted by this person’s behavior. I could not look at them the same. And I’m like a very, and I hate to be like, I’m empathetic, but like, I’m a very empathetic person. And I started crying for her because I was like, this is terrible. Like, like at the very least tell someone you’re not happy and say that, like, you know what, it’s not working instead of like crossing that line. And yeah, again, I won’t give details of this, but like, I was so upset and it was just like. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And it’s not like, you know, I think there’s like, I, I, I give people grace to a point where people make mistakes, like there’s mistakes and there’s things that are like, no, there’s a lot of thought process that happened into it. Right. Like, just like any other, any other. Um, um, what’s it called? Crime, right? There’s just a lot of intention. There’s a lot of driving. There’s a lot of thinking. There’s a lot of, oh, let me just take off my clothes. There’s just so many spaces between where you were and what happened for there, for there to be like any confusion of what your intent was. Um, I can be forgiving, but I think it’s more if you’ve kept. Um, you literally need to enlist to the CIA

Christa Innis: because

Bethy Abdissa: they need people like you.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. I, if it, yeah, if it were like a close friend of mine, I’d be like, do I even know you? Like, what, like, what’s the, what are we doing here? Um. Especially like you would hope, I mean, she just mentions getting pregnant with this four year fling. You would hope that her and the long term one don’t have kids already because that adds a whole other layer because I’ve heard of that happening and then they just like abandon the family with kids and it’s just like, come on, like, let’s not do that. I don’t, yeah. That was a crazy one. Okay. Um, that is okay. And then the last one says, I don’t really want to be my best friends made of honor. That’s so you can you know what’s funny. Now this isn’t funny is the wrong word. I’ve seen this, not exact confession, but very similar the last few weeks, and it’s different people.

Bridesmaid Dilemmas: The Drama No One Talks About

Bethy Abdissa: Like, we

Christa Innis: literally just sent out an email this morning, and it was very similar. What’s, what are your, what’s your take on this? This person’s afraid to say it to their friend.

Bethy Abdissa: You know, like, I can tell which friend wanted to be a bridesmaid and which friend didn’t. Like, on weddings. All the time. And I’m like, why didn’t you just say no to begin with? Like it, like in the process, especially if they’re booking like a longer, like maybe a partial package or whatever, I get to meet the bridesmaids. Um, if I’m starting from the beginning of the planning process, obviously like when they’re picking them, I know the process, right. And I can tell right away. And I’m like, why didn’t you just say no? Right. Like, why didn’t you say no? Cause I know you’re about to make my life a living hell because you’re, you’re about to give me a headache, like, and I, and I can see it.

And one time there’s a story one time, uh, my business partner and I, my business partner met the bridesmaids before I did. And so I had no context of who’s who, so she met them. She just gave me a rundown and she warned me about one. I don’t know which one it is. Um, and then months down the line, the bride comes and says, Hey, by the way, um, I would need, you know, one of my bridesmaids, I already knew, like, I already knew was a problematic, like something was ringing in me. She wants to have a specific makeup artist. And that makeup artist is the same makeup artist as the bride. And that we already did the schedule. This is like, I’m talking weeks. away from the wedding. And I was like, well tough, tough luck. I was like, I’m sorry, but we can’t do anything about it. But the bride is such a, she wanted her bridesmaids to feel really welcomed and wanted to do all that.

Right. I’m like, you’re doing the most, like, uh, not only are you making your, your, your job harder now, we have to make sure that the makeup artist doesn’t have any other clients. This is two weeks before the wedding. And now I have to rearrange the entire day’s schedule because one person decided this is the only makeup artist they’re gonna go with two weeks before the wedding. It’s not like they didn’t know. And I was very the makeup artist was not happy that day. It was I could tell, like, everything was off. And the thing is, like, you really didn’t want to be here because you’re making everything hard. You’re making the whole process hard. You’re trying to make

Christa Innis: it, like, more complicated.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so you shouldn’t just said, Hey, I, I can’t do it. But, but because we want to say yes to everything, the people pleasing goes both ways, right? Uh, and maybe, and this is most of the time what I hear is like, Oh, she was a bridesmaid for my wedding, so I have to be a bridesmaid for her wedding. Right. Um, it’s almost like I have to return this favor, not because I want to, but because now I feel like I don’t owe her anything. Yes. You see that they’re really struggling either financially, they’re not able to, you know, do the things like some bridesmaids want to go to a different country for a wedding, wedding shower, you know, and now they’re struggling to, to pay for that and they push. And then what happens is because you have that resentment, right, you haven’t really spoken and said, Hey, I can’t do it.

Right. So you’ve been like just keeping points taking just keeping score in your heart and be like, oh, I didn’t make her do this for her for my wedding, but she’s making me do this for my wedding. And then you’re probably two, three times that you’ve already paid two, three times the cost that you, she probably paid for your wedding. And now you’re resentful. And at the end, like that relationship is just like going sideways. So it’s like, If your best friend is getting married, and I’ve told my friends, by the way, they wanted me to be their bridesmaids. And I would tell them I would be helpful if I was running the show than me being a bridesmaid because I’m a control freak. And I do not like being a bridesmaid. Like if I’m a bridesmaid, I’m going to give you a hard time. And so I’m self aware. I’m self aware. I love that. So and I’m like, I would rather be on your side in a different capacity. Then be a bridesmaid and honesty will always, always go a long way than you bending backwards to please somebody.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, no, I totally agree with that because I’ve definitely been a part of weddings, um, more so when I was, like, day of coordinator, but I’ve seen it as a bridesmaid as well, but where, like, a younger, one recent, not recently, I don’t know why I said recently, a few years back, I was a day of coordinator for a wedding and the groom’s, like, cousin, I think it was a cousin, But it was asked to be a bridesmaid because I think it was just family. I don’t know if the bride was like close to her at all, but everything was a chore. Everything was a hassle from like getting pictures to like we would all be like all dressed and it was like she would we would be like where’d she go and she would have like a t shirt or sweatshirt on I’d be like. No, you need to keep your dress on for photos.

Ugh. And she was like, she was a lot younger, so I don’t know if that was part of it. But she would like, be like complaining. She’s like, are we done yet? I’d be like, nope, we got a few more pictures. Okay, do you want to get your makeup done? Like, everything was like, a chore. And it was just like, you don’t have to say yes. Um, but I don’t know if that was family also like, pushing her to be in it too, so.

Bethy Abdissa: And some people just don’t have the financial capability of doing it. And that’s something that you feel weird about because, um, you don’t want to say no for, if you think about it for women, like we’re talking about a dress that maybe costs 120, 150 to 200, depending on the dress, shoes, earrings. If you’re getting extensions, makeup, we’re talking around 500 to that. Like I’m talking cheap. Cause I’ve, I’ve had brides, bridesmaids that were just, that paid 500, 600 just for their hair.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Bethy Abdissa: I promise you. So like it’s a 2, 000 to 3, 000 Um expense that you’re expecting So that’s why maybe either simplify when you’re asking even like from the bride’s perspective Simplify what you’re asking your bridesmaids to do or understand their financial situation When you’re asking them to do certain things Because you have it right or because you’re ready to splurge 100 plus k on a wedding Like I said, i’m talking about weddings i’ve seen and done Uh, literally 150 on a wedding. Oh my gosh! I know, I’m like, give it to me and let me make investment properties. Let me just make investment properties. But hey, 150k on a wedding, that’s fine. But that doesn’t mean your bridesmaids have that capability of You know, supporting like a 5, 000, 6, 000 expense out of nowhere. That kind of expectation is also nice or cover the expenses to a certain level so that you, you want them to, to be comfortable to show up for you.

Christa Innis: Definitely. Yeah. No, I, I 100 percent agree with that. Definitely being aware of like what people can afford or want to afford. And also the expectation on both sides, you don’t have to say yes. But having that communication, because that’s the same with like destination weddings. If you’re invited, you don’t have to say yes. You know, there’s such a, like a boundary there. Um, but I know I’ve, I’ve kept you time. We’re a little over, but I just want to say thank you so much for coming on. It was so great. Like reconnecting, like face to face and from we’ve come a long way from sharing our little office together.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh my gosh, the 45 minute drive from Naperville, like that’s crazy for me.

I, now that I think about it, it feels like a long time ago. I’m so happy to reconnect with you and see you grow. Like I’m. Absolutely. Like so, so proud of you, what the platform you’re building. So thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed this conversation and I hope your viewers, uh, also, um, enjoyed some of the insights that I had.

Um, yeah. I’m going to have to wear my glasses now.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love it. Um, where can everyone follow you and find all of your amazing content?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so on TikTok, I go by Bethy Creates. It’s Bethy underscore creates and my business page is kbwesomevents. You can find, uh, the Instagram page also is kbwosemevents for any events in Minneapolis or the DC, Maryland, Virginia area. Um, but we also travel to, I’m actually coming to Chicago, by the way, uh, in Naperville to do a wedding in fall. So I, we also travel all over the U. S. for any of your events, um, but yeah, follow me on Bethy Creates. I do a lot of makeup and mindful conversations, um, you know, until I become a therapist for sure. Yes. That’s next, right? Yes, that’s

Christa Innis: next. There’s no limit to what you can do.

Bethy Abdissa: Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much. This was so fun.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Imagine standing at your wedding, basking in love—only for your best man to steal the spotlight with his proposal!

That’s exactly what happened to today’s anonymous guest. In this jaw-dropping episode, Christa dives into the shocking moment that turned a dream wedding into an unexpected showdown. From the best man’s ill-timed question to the groom’s furious reaction, this story is one for the books. How do you move on when your special day is overshadowed? And what happened after the proposal?

Tune in for all the unbelievable details, wedding chaos, and lessons learned!

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:54 Setting the Scene: The Wedding Day Highlights

04:09 The Best Man’s Speech Takes a Wild Turn

05:34 The Proposal That Left Everyone Speechless

06:24 The Groom’s Explosive Reaction

07:59 Champagne and Chaos: The Aftermath

10:14 Wedding Guests React: Shock, Support, and Drama

11:44 How the Bride Feels About It Now

21:00 Reddit Story: Proposing at a Wedding

29:24 Exciting News and Future Plans

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• The Wedding Day Bliss – A look into the beautiful, intimate wedding before the drama unfolded.
• When the Best Man Stole the Show – What started as a heartfelt speech turned into something unbelievable.
• The Groom’s Furious Reaction – He didn’t hesitate—his reaction left guests shook.
• The Bridesmaid’s Awkward Dilemma – What do you do when you’re proposed to at someone else’s wedding?
• How It All Ended – The aftermath, the emotions, and where they all stand now.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “Your wedding day is supposed to be about you. How did it feel when it wasn’t?” – Christa Innis
• “I just have to ask—how did your bridesmaid react? Because wow.” – Christa Innis
• “I looked at my husband and thought—what the heck is going on?” – Anonymous Guest
• “We paid for this wedding ourselves, and then… this happened.” – Anonymous Guest
• “My groom wasn’t having it. He grabbed the guy by his collar and dragged him out!” – Anonymous Guest
• “My maid of honor handed me a bottle of champagne. She knew exactly what I needed.” – Anonymous Guest
• “Even now, I still can’t believe he thought this was okay.” – Anonymous Guest

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi there, thanks for joining me today. 

Anonymous Guest: Thank you for having me, I appreciate it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, so, um, I want to start off by reading the confession that you sent me over on Instagram. And it says, my husband’s best man proposed to his girlfriend during his best man speech. And this, like, had my jaw dropped when I read it. This was when I was just like, oh my gosh, the T is crazy today. Um, I couldn’t believe that it actually happened to someone because we hear about these stories happening. And that’s when I posted a story asking everyone to send me their opinions. And so I asked if you would want to come on and share some more details to what happened.

And we’re going to keep you anonymous. We’re going to keep the people involved anonymous. But we want to hear a real life story firsthand because people people are like, wait, This actually happened. We’re going to get into people’s responses, but first things first. How are you doing after everything is said and done? I know it’s been, been a little while, um, but how are you doing?

Anonymous Guest: I’m doing as well as can be expected. Um, our wedding anniversary is coming up very soon in April, so we’re looking forward to one year of marriage, so yay to us. Um, when this happened, we were, well, stunned as can be. Um, how do I go into words about this one?

Christa Innis: Yeah, you know what, let’s, let’s not to cut you off, let’s go to the actual day. Tell everyone what kind of happened starting off. Um, You can talk about the highs of your wedding day first if you want, and if you want to get to that point, um, and then we’ll, yeah, just kind of go from there.

Anonymous Guest: My apologies, I’m sorry.

The Unbelievable Wedding Speech Proposal

No, you’re good. My best man was giving his speech. It was a great speech to begin with. Talking about us as a couple, then going on about, like, how it’s going to be even more special. He mentioned that he wanted to make this day extra special. So, he got to my bed. One of my bridesmaids, who was also his girlfriend at the time, he got down on one knee and he proposed.

And I looked at my husband and was like, forgive me, forgive me for saying this, but what the heck is going on? And he didn’t know what was going on. And of course, the bridesmaid, my best friend, well, one of my best friends, I should say, because everyone was like What was going on? Can we pause for a second?

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Um, he was making his best man speech. He was so very romantic to talk about our relationship, everything. He kept going around the bridesmaid and one of My best girlfriend was one of the bridesmaids and he went toward her and he got down on one knee and he proposed to her in front of all of my friends and family.

And we had a very small wedding because we paid for it ourselves. We had maybe 50, 60 guests because that’s all we could afford. And me and my new husband were utterly shocked. My husband got up, he took off his coat. He grabbed the groomsman by the neck of the collar, back of his neck, of his collar, and dragged him outside.

The best man who still had the mic in his hand yells like, wait, I didn’t get an answer. And gosh, you could hear the best man. From the outside. It’s like, hey, wait a minute. And one of the guests grabbed the mic before you could actually hear what was going on outside. He’s like, wait, wait, wait. You could hear a little bit.

It’s like, what is going on out there? You could hear some ruffling and scuffling. I still don’t know what fully went on out there. And my maid of honor, God bless her. She brought me a whole bottle of champagne. And I love her for that. I just like, do you just want a glass of it? Nope. Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle.

Christa Innis: Wait. So, okay. So when he first got down on his knee, so I’m assuming, did you guys have like one of those head tables where everyone’s up front? Like sitting like bridesmaids and groomsmen. So did he get in front of that bridesmaid and get on his knee? And did it click for you right away?

Like that’s what’s happening? Or you’re like, what is he doing?

Anonymous Guest: Yes, and I only had one maid of honor and one bridesmaid, so I only had two people in my wedding party. So my maid of honor and a bridesmaid, so it was kind of even more awkward. So I had two party because that’s all we could afford.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Messy Return to the Reception

Anonymous Guest: so so just a small party because I it’s just me my husband and my daughter and my daughter is Three and a half years old.

She is my light and This well now ex best friend Well ex friend I should say I keep calling her my best friend Because she felt like a best friend to me at that. That’s where I put her in my wedding party I wouldn’t want someone I knew that well in my wedding party And just like, why on that day, they came back in the park into the party.

He, his hair was messed up. His shirt was unbuttoned. Um, pants were Little ripped and this was a rental suit. What?

Christa Innis: Wait, so after your husband brought him out of the room into the hall was the bridesmaid just sitting there Or was she did she go out there too?

Anonymous Guest: Um, she was just sitting there. She had the ring on her finger So he put the ring on her

Christa Innis: finger before he got pulled out

Anonymous Guest: Uh huh.

Christa Innis: But she didn’t say yes at that point yet? No. No. Was she like, was she

Anonymous Guest: like waiting for something to happen? I, I still don’t know. I think she was going to say yes, even though they’ve only been dating for like three and a half months. Wait, really?

Christa Innis: Only three and a half months? And he thought the best time to do it was at his best friend’s wedding?

Pretty much. Yeah. So, and the other thing is too, it’s like, it’s your friends and family. It’s an intimate small wedding. It’s not a huge wedding where he’s already family. So his family and friends are there. They’re now expecting your family and friends to celebrate them.

Anonymous Guest: Exactly. Exactly. So I’m just like, what’s going on?

And I’m like, My best, my maid of honor is trying to calm me down. Like he came back to his seat. I asked him what is going on. It’s like, don’t worry. I took care of it. I’m like, what do you mean? You took care of it. It’s like don’t worry about it and I couldn’t figure it out like what do you mean you took care of it?

It’s like don’t worry about it for the rest of the night and I kept trying to figure out what he meant Until later on in the night and I noticed um his shoes he broke He broke his shoes, um, his rental shoes. He didn’t have the soles of his shoes on, he broke his shoes. And I noticed the back of his head, um, you know how the button ears have on the shirts?

The button ears on the shirt? Um, he broke part of his shirt on the button ear shirt. And on the back of his jacket, um, he broke the jacket. He ripped the jacket in half. So that’s why you didn’t have the jacket. So the groomsman had to pay for the jacket. Like, he tore his whole wedding suit apart. The groomsman ripped his jacket?

No, the, the, my husband ripped the jacket. He tore his entire wedding suit apart. When he pulled him outside? Yeah, he beat him up pretty much. Oh my gosh. I know he’s had his best charges, truthfully. So. Whoa.

Christa Innis: If he’s crazy. So then he comes back in with your husband and they act like, he acts like nothing happens.

He still goes up to his now fiance. She says yes, jumps up and down, right? Of course.

“This Is My Engagement Party Now!”

Anonymous Guest: My maid of honor told her to sit, to sit down. Like, this isn’t your day not to celebrate. Yeah. It’s like, do not make this day about you. It’s like, but this is my engagement par engagement party now. She thought we should make this day about her as well.

She said this is my engagement party now? Yes. What?! Yeah, it’s like, we should make this day about me as well.

Christa Innis: That is bonkers! Oh my gosh.

Anonymous Guest: Wow. I made a Yeah.

Christa Innis: That’s the thing, like, so I forgot to mention to everyone is that this, I made it into a skit, and so many people were like, oh, it’s not that bad, blah blah blah blah blah.

No, this is bad. This is really bad because not only did they not ask for permission, they, it was a small intimate wedding. They took that from you. You paid for it all yourselves. You invited people that you were like, these are close friends. We, people we love and we trust. And then on top of that, then they want to turn it into their own engagement party, completely negating any feelings you had about the whole situation.

Anonymous Guest: Correct. It was. And I was in tears. My maid of honor took me to the bathroom to, uh, dry my tears. Because we had like maybe 50, 60 guests. I rented my wedding dress because I couldn’t afford a wedding dress. And I know that’s stupid to say, but I wanted something, something I could have. So I bought like a little, I borrowed a wedding dress for the ceremony and bought a little party dress.

Mm hmm. For the reception, just a cute little something I got from the store. So, silly, my friend’s like, you should just spend money, but it’s like, you’re a single family. You don’t need the luxury things. Mm hmm. So, why not? So, I spent like maybe 200 on my dress, and my friend made the cupcakes for free. Mm hmm.

So. So. So. dried my tears. We came back. I came back out and she was gonna do her maid of honor speech. They were out there with our photographer doing photos. around, showing off the engagement ring, all this wonderful stuff, like, we’re engaged. They’re in front of the

Christa Innis: photographers getting photos taken?

Yeah. Okay, so I need to know, I know I’m kind of jumping the gun, but did they try to get those photos from you?

Anonymous Guest: My photographer wouldn’t release them.

Christa Innis: Wouldn’t?

Anonymous Guest: They wouldn’t. Oh, good, good. I mean, sure, that’s the one thing, because my photographer was also one of my friends, so she did my photography for like 150 for me.

Amazing. And she’s also my daughter’s grand godmother, so that helps the situation. Yes. Yay! For deals. You find the deals where you can get them. Absolutely. Take advantage of it, what you can find. And I was like, don’t do this today. So we all sat down, back to saying my maid of honor did her little speech and made fun of the situation, like made little jokes about him on the side that only he would get.

And it kind of irritated him. Irritated him a little bit. Like, you shouldn’t be saying these things about me. And just like, made little jokes. And then she knew my daughter was here. Well, was here. Was there. So, she grabbed my daughter from her little seat. Cause we made like a little kiddie table on the side.

For her to be part of the wedding party.

Christa Innis: So like

Anonymous Guest: a little kiddie table with like a princess, princess crown, everything like that. So she, and she came out, they did a little dance, they worked on together and it was just such a cute addition to the party. I love that. Like, and that just really made my day.

You

Christa Innis: need a maid of honor like that. That’s going to be like, hold on, let me take care of this. Exactly.

Anonymous Guest: And people, like, what’s with the, what’s with the little dance? The dance was perfect. What’s made it even better, like, she was dancing with my daughter. Daughter. I can’t talk today. I’m so sorry.

You’re okay. You’re good. She was dancing with my daughter and she had a glass of champagne and my bridesmaid’s little dresses they were just cheap little dresses they were like a purplish color and she went over to my other bridesmaid and she accidentally slipped and it fell on the dress it’s like oops and it was a little champagne it’s like oops sorry this slipped it’s like you ruined my dress it wasn’t on accident

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’m surprised, um, your bridesmaid stayed after that so she was like proudly walking around with that new ring and Acting like this was not her engagement party She had no shame about how it all went down Thought it was totally fine the way he did that after only dating for three and a half months.

I can’t even get over that To take that moment from you guys. Did you have any idea of? Like he was going to do this or anything I got feeling no, so you’re completely blindsided

Anonymous Guest: No, oh my

Christa Innis: god,

Anonymous Guest: the champagne. We just got for our little table. Everything else was just like Beer and little stuff you can get from the store.

That’s the one thing I splurged a little bit because I just wanted to think for me to celebrate.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Anonymous Guest: So, so

Family Reactions to the Proposal

Christa Innis: where does everything like, okay, let’s talk about really quickly. How did your family and other guests that were there react? Did anyone say anything to you or did they make faces? Did they try to like move past it?

Like what went on with that?

Anonymous Guest: Well, on both sides of our family, um, both of our parents are gone. Okay, so my uncle, uncle’s aunt, they were really upset to say that. Yeah. Cousin, she wanted to teach him a new one. Let’s put it that way. And she does CrossFit on the side, so she could deadlift him in a second and throw him over something, a bridge.

She’s like, I know people. I can put a hit on here if you want me to. It’s like, please don’t do that. It’s like, I love you, but please don’t do that. It’s like, but this is your day. Please don’t put a hit on somebody. It’s like, but it’d be fun. It’s like, we’re not going to put a hit on somebody. Oh gosh, I love you, but please don’t, but it’s just like, it’s just, it’s thought that they cared about me and they stayed for the entire reception.

They left. It’s like, and at the end of the night, he’s like, can we get a ride with you guys? I’m like, no. It’s like, please know we’re going home with our family and going to enjoy a family night together.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

The Aftermath: No Apology, No Awareness

Anonymous Guest: It’s like, go do your own thing, please. Okay. And the next. Oh, I’m sorry. Go ahead. Um, next morning they said, you guys do want to go get brunch?

They wanted to go get brunch.

Christa Innis: So they had no idea still that they did something wrong. They were just living in their own la la land. Pretty

Anonymous Guest: much,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Anonymous Guest: What?

Christa Innis: After how

Anonymous Guest: you guys reacted? Yeah, they wanted to go get brunch. They want to go still go mini golfing, do everything that we have planned for next day.

Christa Innis: Without, did they apologize once?

Anonymous Guest: No.

Christa Innis: Not even for the timing? The timing wasn’t right.

Anonymous Guest: No, I’m still getting messages from her on other platforms, like, still, like, what’s going on, everything like that. Oh

Christa Innis: my gosh. So, how does your relationship stand with them today? I know you said ex friend. Does your husband talk to his friend?

Cause that’s really hard. I mean, that was his best man. That’s your bridesmaid. She’s asking you, like, what’s going on? Has there been any communication?

Anonymous Guest: On my side with her, no. He’s trying to open that wound back up. Cause this was his friend since 6th grade. Okay, your husband’s

Christa Innis: trying to open it back up?

Anonymous Guest: Okay. So he’s trying. I’m like, if you do, keep me out of it. Okay. Keep my child out of it.

Christa Innis: Cause what happens when they invite you guys to the wedding?

Anonymous Guest: They’re actually already married.

Christa Innis: Oh! They already got married.

Anonymous Guest: They got married on New Year’s Eve and they are expecting.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. So were you at the wedding or did they do a private?

Anonymous Guest: You were like, I’m not going close. So,

Christa Innis: okay. Okay. So no invite. They probably didn’t want to invite anybody because they were gonna afraid that karma was gonna get

Anonymous Guest: them in the back.

Audience Reactions: Outrage and Shock

Christa Innis: Oh My god Okay, so like I said earlier, I think I said this before I started recording but when this story when he first sent me this story I Opened it up to the audience to my followers to kind of said like their reactions So I want to read a few of these reactions and this was probably the most Responded to thing that I ever ever got I put a little question box people could submit things I would say I probably had like Over a hundred, 200 responses from people.

So these are their responses. I said, what would you do in this situation? Someone said, I would want my husband to address the best man, not make me be the bad guy. Someone said shocked and angry, not well. My anger issues could not. I would not be happy. I’m not a big spotlight person, but let the bride and groom have their day.

This person, who seems like an odd, odd response here, says overjoyed. I believe in sharing love as long as the girlfriend wanted a public proposal. I am so, no, don’t do that. If you want a public proposal, find a different spot. Um, This person says I’d wait until the initial hullabaloo was over, hullabaloo was over, and then ask them to leave.

Um, did you think about asking them to leave?

Anonymous Guest: Oh, I should, I should have asked them to leave, but I only had, um, What, if I had more of a wedding party? I probably would’ve, but, mate, I probably should’ve looked back. I probably should’ve had them leave. Just have my maid of honor and best man. Well, I didn’t have my best man.

Was, I just have the groomsman.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Anonymous Guest: my groomsman was like, I want no part of this.

Christa Innis: I know it’s almost like like hearing story I’m like, okay like we can we can say he’s like super naive and did that but to then be a Trailing around using your photographer acting like it’s their engagement party Like that’s someone that literally wants to steal the spotlight from someone else.

They have like crept up jealousy or Anger or something where they want to make you feel bad. So I read that as just completely disrespectful. Um, okay. I’m going to read a couple more. It says my face wouldn’t say anything at the moment, but my, but later I would sure be asking them to leave. I would turn off the mic, ask them to leave.

I’d probably be too shocked to react. This person says a swift, a swift punch to the throat. It wasn’t, it would be an option. Um. It said, if they ran it by us first, maybe, but other than that, why, or other than that, that’s a big hell no. So I would say most people agree that that’s completely disrespectful and wrong.

There’s random people in there that are like, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, but you didn’t make a big deal about it. You had a normal reaction to something that was kind of crazy. And like I said, If he was just kind of naive and maybe like, snuck off to the side and they did it where no one saw them and didn’t make a big deal.

Okay, that’s still not great, but it’s better, but the fact that they did it during a speech where everyone can see at a small intimate wedding and then parade around trying to get like private photos and all that and showing the ring off, it’s just terrible.

Anonymous Guest: Yeah, it’s one for the books. I always pictured my wedding as a peaceful day, relaxing, nothing like this.

Yeah. You know what? Once in a lifetime, it’s something I’ll always remember.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s true. How are, how are you today with everything? Like looking back on your memories, are you able to highlight the positive memories, like your amazing maid of honor, the amazing, like, uh, I know you talked about your daughter being involved in the wedding, so those are some really amazing moments to look back on and kind of block out the negativity.

Right.

Anonymous Guest: Oh, my daughter’s my lifesaver. My daughter and my husband are my godspens. That’s all I can say. They are my saving graces and I love them. Hm, my daughter more right now, but hey. I love my daughter more right now, but hey. Everyone has a favorite in the household. Yeah, yeah, I get that. And my maid of honor will always be my best friend for saving me that day.

I love that. And I think when all this happened, I was probably numb from shock. I probably was angry inside. Yep. I’m not gonna lie, I was probably angry. I just didn’t know how to react. Yeah, definitely.

Christa Innis: Well, I think so. Yeah. And I think here too is like, people hear these stories and they’re like, Oh my gosh, like weddings bring out the worst in people. But to kind of do a little spin on this, I think it can bring the best out in other people. So you saw a side of your maid of honor, like, wow, she really loves me, protects me and supports me. My husband immediately got behind my back, stood up against him, you know, like all these amazing people in your life.

Um, and it’s really unfortunate that happened this way, but True colors come out and it’s it’s a it’s sometimes a good thing that it reveals the true colors of people because you’re like You know what? I’m not gonna have someone like that in my life

Anonymous Guest: Exactly. Exactly. And I can’t wait to be my maid of honor’s maid of honor in her wedding in October.

So yeah. So since getting married in October, I can’t wait to do that job and hopefully we won’t have the same reaction.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Yeah. And you’ll know exactly what to do to make sure she stays relaxed and excited on her day and block out all the negativity.

Anonymous Guest: Negativity. Yeah. I just got to get to New York.

That’s the only place I got to get to. Exactly. And my daughter is the flower girl. So perfect. Perfect.

Christa Innis: Amazing. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I know it’s like a hard story to like come back to and talk about, but like I said, I hope you’re able to like pull positives out it that you have amazing people that support you and love you.

And, um, thanks for sharing.

Anonymous Guest: Oh, no worries. Hope this helps other people in this situation.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely.

Anonymous Guest: All right. Thank you so much. I do appreciate it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Thank you.