The MOH Who Quit by Text, Tough Truths, and Vendor Confessions with Bethy Abdissa

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Not all wedding horror stories start at the altar… some start with a “best friend” and a suspicious text message.

This week, Christa sits down (again!) with wedding planner Bethy Abdissa for a raw, honest, and slightly unhinged look at what really happens behind the scenes… and yes, they dive headfirst into another jaw-dropping story that had them both saying: I’m sorry… WHAT? 

From timeline disasters to emotional design moments (sticky note love letters on cocktail napkins?!) Bethy gives the inside scoop on what couples get right, and where things spiral fast. And when Christa reads a listener’s submission about a maid of honor who drops out via text? Let’s just say… the tea is piping hot.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:13 Diving into the Wedding Industry

03:23 Challenges of Wedding Planning

12:22 The Realities of DIY Weddings

18:00 Navigating Wedding Drama

35:56 The Joke That Went Too Far

37:24 Maid of Honor Drama Unfolds

41:12 The AI-Generated Message

52:28 To Invite or Not to Invite?

59:07 Wedding Vendor Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • MOH Drops It Like A Hot Potato – A maid of honor quits via text and the bride’s friendship spiral gets put under the microscope.
  • Vendor Confessions From Hell – Real stories of photographers missing key moments and caterers showing up painfully late.
  • Stress vs Preparedness – Why the brides who feel a little stressed are usually the most on top of their planning.
  • Overstepping vs Support – When “helpful” bridesmaids cross the line and create more tension than peace.
  • Emotional Design Done Right – From recreated love notes on napkins to guest experiences that hit straight in the feels.
  • The 45-Wedding Summer – Bethy’s busiest season yet and the chaos that comes with it.
  • Why You NEED a Coordinator – The forgotten hero who keeps your wedding from imploding in real time.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “That should be a T-shirt: DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.” Christa Innis
  • “If they’re a little too calm, I start getting nervous.” – Christa Innis
  • “People always need something to pick at. It’s emotional support cheese.” – Christa Innis
  • “You never notice delays… until you’re cold and starving at your table.” – Christa Innis
  • “Those extra set of hands come very handy.” – Christa Innis
  • “If the caterer is two hours late, you just start praying.” – Bethy Abdissa
  • “No stop means I can get you to 125K real quick.” – Bethy Abdissa
  • “Flexibility matters, but boundaries matter more.” – Bethy Abdissa
  • “I avoided that DJ like the plague.” – Bethy Abdissa
  • “You’d rather lose a vendor than lose your coordinator.” – Bethy Abdissa

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Bethy

Bethy Abdissa is a dynamic wedding planner, content creator, and entrepreneur with a passion for storytelling and cultural inclusivity. Originally from Ethiopia, she moved to the United States 15 years ago and began her professional journey in finance and accounting. After realizing the corporate world wasn’t her calling, Bethy took a bold leap in 2022 to pursue her true passion: event planning.

With over three years of experience as a wedding planner and a lifelong love for party planning, Bethy now specializes in coordinating weddings across the U.S., particularly in the DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Minneapolis areas. She’s also diving into the world of content creation—sharing makeup tips, hair styling, wedding insights, and self-development reflections through her TikTok channel, @Bethy_Creates. Long term, Bethy is working toward becoming a therapist, bringing her full-circle journey of creativity, empathy, and purpose to life.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:  Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a great episode for you today.  My wonderful friend Bethy is back. We had so much fun last time that I thought it was  the perfect time to have her back on again.  She has been a wedding planning for.

 She has been a wedding planner for three years now  and doing party planning for many years beyond that,  she has a background in finance and accounting, but quit that life because she hated it.  We actually met  many, many years ago. We worked in the same office and she did accounting then  when she was in grad school, and  it was a pretty toxic job, but I’m so glad for it because that’s when we were connected those many years ago.

She not as many she does now.  She not does content creations sharing,  makeup sharing.  She now also does content creation, sharing makeup, and a little behind the scenes in her wedding approach as well.  We had so much fun hanging out and reacting to a wild wedding story per usual,  but this one was a little bit different.

There was a lot of discussion to be had,  and I’m still not completely convinced who the villain was in the story.  So,  that all being said, thanks for hanging out with me today and enjoy this episode

Christa Innis: Hi Bethy. Thanks for coming back.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Christa, for having me again.

Christa Innis: Of course. I feel like we just had so much fun last time, like catching up and hanging out. ’cause anyone that didn’t listen to last time, we worked together so long ago and then randomly I was scrolling on TikTok and I was like, that’s Bethy! Like, oh my gosh. It was such a toxic job that we worked out together. And so it was one of those where it was like, I like had always hoped to like see you again. And so it was like such a pleasant surprise to see you on the phone.

Bethy Abdissa: You, too. Yeah, I, when I saw you and I saw your channel and it was weddings, I was like, okay, this is kind of full circle.

’cause we were both, I was in finance and you were in marketing. Uh, and we all, both turned out to be somehow in the wedding industry. So…it’s funny. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like I’m like wedding adjacent now though, like I talk about weddings on here. I just changed my handle actually, because so many people thought I was a wedding planner, which

Bethy Abdissa: Finding planner. Yeah.

Christa Innis:  Yeah. And I was like, ah, no I’m not. But I have been involved in a lot of weddings and events, so I just changed it. ’cause I feel like I’m, like, if anyone has real wedding questions, I’m like, ask a real wedding planner. Like ask Bethy, ask Wedding Pro casts. You know, like there’s all these other people I refer them to now because I’m like, I know what I would do, but I would not consider myself a professional in the wedding industry. I do like day coordinating here and there, and I’ve helped with like baby showers and bridal showers. Yeah. And enough blabbing of me

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, that’s good. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: It was kind of funny that we both kind of just like made our way into like weddings and stuff. I still do social media stuff, of course, like marketing, but, um, it’s different.

Chaos, DIY Disasters, and Planner Wisdom with Bethy Abdissa

How is your like wedding event planning business going? Like any, any wild things going on there?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, yes. So I probably had the busiest summer yet. I think between me and my team and my business partner, we did around, I would say 45 ish, uh, weddings this past season.

And I have my last four this summer. Yeah. Uh, I have my last one coming up in a few days, uh, for the season. So I’m wrapping up everything in November.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, that is amazing. So, are you talking like multiple weddings in a week? Are you talk like, how is that even possible?

Bethy Abdissa: So I would say about 50 to 70% of them are day of coordinating, um, gigs.  But all of our day coordinating starts a month, even five weeks before. So, uh, I’m talking multiple meetings in a week. ’cause um, I’ve had, I’ve had, I think the, the least weddings I’ve had is just one wedding a weekend. Um, but like, I’ve had three weddings in a weekend. Um, back to back to back to back. That’s like almost 14 hours each day. Oh, yeah. I, it was. I think I, I didn’t, I didn’t fully conceptualize what it meant until like, the end of the season and I was like, oh my God, I did these many weddings. But like every weekend, like it’s, you know, trying to figure out what outfit to wear, ’cause you, you have another wedding tomorrow and the day after and you don’t wanna come at 1:00 AM and try to plan anything the next day. So it’s just like that. And you know, I also do content creation, so trying to incorporate that. And I still have so many weddings to post ’cause I wasn’t able to keep up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Are you just like completely spent after a three day or three wedding day? Weekends?

Bethy Abdissa: So Mondays I usually like, don’t have any meetings.I block everything out. I literally, my body is like, what did you do to me? So Monday is like a complete rest day. And then I get back to my meetings and everything on Tuesday. So. Yeah, it completely wiped. But on the day, like I’m on my feet, um, minimum I was doing is like 15, 17 K steps a day. So I guess I got my workout in.

Christa Innis: Oh my.Do you take like, like, okay, how do you get ready for the day and then throughout the day, how do you like, get moments of rest? And you might laugh being like, wait, what do you mean moments of rest? Like, do you like make sure you eat something? Do you, like, do you get to sit down? Like for the dinner? Like what are you doing to like, make sure you’re like checking in with yourself?

Bethy Abdissa: So for like, depends on the wedding. I can tell before the wedding if it’s gonna be, um. A chill wedding or if it’s gonna be, um, I’m definitely not going to eat anything, so I’ll probably eat in the morning and probably not eat the whole day. So like I kind of can guesstimate what kind of wedding it will be.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, and the thing is, like if it’s a stressful wedding, even if there is food, like I just can’t eat personally. I just, I’m not the type to sit down, relax and eat. Um, so I kind of like plan on it. It’s almost like my adrenaline is so high that I can’t eat. You know? But before like, um, taking breaks, it’s not more so intentional. I just see the vibe of the wedding. I, you know, I check on the bride and see, ‘hey, is everything okay?’ You know, just making, once I get, like I would say right after the dances is when I get to kind of sit down.

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Around 9:30, 9 o’clock-ish when I get to sit down and then by 11 I start breaking down some things. Um, midnight is, you know, usually between midnight and one o’clock is when the wedding’s over and then say my goodbye.

Christa Innis: So that’s like built into your contract typically like if you are a wedding planning or day of coordinating or both, you’re always there the before.

Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Because if they don’t, and, and, and depends on like if they needed me earlier, ’cause it is for 12 hours and if it’s more than 12 hours, they have to pay extra.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, so. I tell them you have 12 hours, however you spread out, that 12 hours is completely up to you. But I feel more relieved if, if I am at the end of the day, um, there, because there is a lot of like, they, you know, logistical things like, oh, did you know every, did, did they pack the gifts?

Right. You know, um, is the money with the right person and you know, the guest books, all that stuff. Just making sure I hand it off to someone. There is maybe one or two weddings where I left early because they needed me earlier during the day so that 12 hour mark was over. But then I made sure, like I at least had an assistant  after me that stayed over ’cause they would pay me more than they would pay my assistant.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So when you’re doing these weddings, you have an assistant with you, at least one other person with you? 

Bethy Abdissa: Depends on the package. Yeah. So if they, if I, if I can estimate that, like, oh, setup is gonna probably take more time. I say, Hey, I need an assistant, and they pay for the assistant.  

Bethy Abdissa: sSo I, yeah, that’s an extra fee for that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Kind of like how a photographer might as well bring like a second photographer or something like that. Mm-hmm. Wow,

Bethy Abdissa: girl. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like mid, yeah. Majority of it. I actually did it by myself this summer, but I, I had maybe three or four weddings where I had an assistant.

Christa Innis: Wow. And when you say like summer, are you starting, like, starting like May as like, as like wedding season? In the summer? Are you mean like summer months? Like actually,

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So wedding started my f well, okay. I would say my team did a wedding without me. And so, you know, I, I also do Maryland, DC Virginia. My business partners in the East Coast, so we do both areas. Um, she did one wedding in January, so, um, there was one wedding in January and then hopped to, uh, we started starting March, March, April, um, and then May is when it gets busy.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Crazy wedding season.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Interestingly, August is actually a very off season.

Christa Innis: . Interesting. Do you think that’s because it’s really hot most places or they’re getting back to school, that kind of stuff?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so it’s really, um, it really hot or it really rains a lot of places. Um, even venues with pricing August can be cheaper.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I know like where, where I got married off season. What if you got married April or January through April? It was like a cheaper price. We got, we picked a March date. ’cause you could save, but like, yeah. It’s also like cold where I live. So they’re like, they’re like June, July and August like was their prime, but, or may, may, June, July, August.

May, June, July.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So August and November are considered like mid-season.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you have actually the high seasons are, um, September and October. I was insane. Insane. I did I think seven or eight weddings in September.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That makes sense. I feel like the most weddings I’ve been to have been in September.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s a very popular season.

Bethy Abdissa: Very.

Christa Innis: September and, and October is, I feel like good weather. It’s so pretty too, if you’re like outside or heavy view of outside.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Maybe because honestly like the, maybe it’s just, ’cause the older I get, some are weddings, they’re a doozy. They’re not, it’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard. Especially like if, I’m sure if you’re working when you’re running around, but like sitting there like I’ve been to a weddings like outdoor in July, out in the blazing sun. And it’s just like, when’s this over? Like, it’s, it’s hard.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I have horror, like horror stories. Like this summer I did a back to back wedding in Wisconsin. Um, and it was 97 and a hundred degrees. Um, the first wedding was where it was 90. It was like, I think a hundred between nine, seven and a hundred degrees. It was completely out, like both the ceremony and the reception was outside. Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: No air ventilation, no ac It was a pavilion. I cooked the whole day.

That’s all I’m going through.  

Christa Innis: Was that June?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We, I, I live in Wisconsin. I think you knew that. Um, yeah. Yeah. We had a wildly hot summer. I remember we were supposed to go to a birthday party, a first, uh, a 1-year-old birthday party at the end of June. And we had every intention of going, but it was gonna be two hours away. I had, at that time, I had, she was almost, almost two and a half at that point. But we were gonna have to drive two hours. It was gonna be a hundred degree day, and it was at a park, and I made a last call decision. I was just like, I’m, I’m not gonna go. I don’t even know how that’s gonna work. I mean, my husband ended up going, ’cause there was, it was a family party, but I was like, I’m gonna take my 2-year-old in a car for two hours to a outdoor birthday party.That’s a hundred degrees. That just sounds miserable to me.

Bethy Abdissa: It is. And the bride couldn’t stay, like when the reception started, she’s like, I wanna take my dress off. So. That’s pretty much like the, I, I think like when you’re thinking about when in the planning season, and that’s why, like, I really encourage people like brides having a, a full planner because these are things we talk about when we are doing the full planning.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, once the day you get, you hit the day of coordination, I’m just there to facilitate what you’ve planned. Right. Right. So, and I see a lot of holes in the, in the planning, but it’s almost like I’m just mitigating what I can save on the day. Um, so like thinking about June and it’s a pavilion, like there’s no, like all the decor was flying, right? Like, uh, these are things that I’m like. So, uh, I am like, what the decor is flying and these are things that I’m like, like what? There’s on the day, like I can fix it and everything, but like, that’s why, like if you’re having a full planner, it’s also like the guest experience, like. Yes, you’re saving money, sort of, it’s not even that cheap, to be honest, to have a wedding outside. Uh, I did the math and I was like, you might as well have it inside. Um, but it’s like the guest experience is very important. Like I, not only do I have to deal with the planning and, you know, making sure everything’s okay, but guests are coming to me and be like, this, you know, it’s so hot. And like, and it’s like they’re, they’re looking at me as if I find it and I’m like, no, it’s not me. You know?

Christa Innis: As if you can solve the world problems in that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, yes.

Christa Innis: So, oh my gosh. Yeah, that’s hard because you, and you bring up a good point too, about a lot of times people see like the DIY weddings or they see like a tent wedding, they’re like, that’s so much cheaper. But I’ve been a part of those, both, both as like bridesmaids and as guests and day coordinator. And I’ve seen like a. It’s not a lot cheaper. The tent costs that if you’re adding a floor, if you’re adding tables and chairs. Plus, I feel like , too, you just think about, and some of the ones I’ve seen that are like the DIY type weddings, they’re paying more for all these different pieces to come together. Then you need more help because you’re not in like a venue where they actually have like people to set up stuff. So you’re either like having your wedding party do it or you’re hiring more people to come in, whether that’s servers or that’s people to put the tent together and you just don’t think about it a lot of times. 

Bethy Abdissa: Or my favorite of all is a family’s gonna help set up. And I’m like, I know. Yeah. I’m like, nah, they don’t, they’re not gonna do it. Like I’ve, I’ve broomed mopped a weddings because family was gonna set up. When family was gonna break down. And I’m like, yeah, they don’t, they don’t do that. And so now that I am getting more experience and, and understand that these are actually just like hopes and dreams.

I, I mitigate those things by saying no. If you, if there’s any family involvement, I actually hire an assistant or charge extra for an extra person to be there while I’m there. Um, just because I’m like, I do not want to, first of all, I do not want to rely on family, but also I’m not the type that just be like, oh, you’re, you said your family’s gonna, you said your family’s gonna clean up, so I’m gonna go, you know, I’m not that type.

So I, I like getting my work done. And also like giving you a peace of mind. And usually peace of mind comes with a cost. That’s the thing, like with DIY weddings, I’m like, yeah, you can DIY when you apply, you’re doing it the whole time, but the stress that comes with it, the time that comes with it, um, the amount of stuff that’s in your house, like craziness, right?

Like to create one little, um, bouquet or whatever, you have to buy a bunch of things. And so, so when you account the actual expenditure, unless that’s something you really, truly enjoy and you’re crafty and your creative in that direction, it’s actually more enjoyable for you and your entire family if you just hire somebody to do it.

Christa Innis: Yes.  

Bethy Abdissa: Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: You gotta think about the time put in. There’s always like the balance, like the give and take. ’cause like I remember the first few weddings I really helped with, like, they were like family, family, friends, a lot of them in the beginning. And it was like cricket was the big phase, right? I’m gonna buy a cricket, it’s $300, but uh, think of all the money I’m gonna save, right?

But then you think about all the time you’re gonna be cricketing, all these signs, all these things. And I was like the go-to cricket girl at one of these weddings I helped with. And granted everything turned out beautiful. It was a beautiful wedding, but I think they kind of underestimated how much power from everybody else they needed.

And it became this whole thing, this whole project for the family and all these like last minute costs, stress on family members. And when it came time for my husband and I to get married, I was like, I don’t want that from any, for any of our family members. I want our family members to be able to sit, have a drink in their hand, get some food, and not have to worry about like who’s tearing down, who’s setting up?

Oh my gosh, I do this. I’m like, I want you to look pretty on that day. Yeah. Enjoy yourself. Yeah. Like have fun dance to music. Yeah. Don’t be like, what? What’s my job? And no shame anyone that does that, if you know your family is helpful. ’cause I’ve, again, I’ve been a part of ones where it turned out beautiful and like my in-laws, like we, we did my sister-in-law’s wedding and it was beautiful and it was so much fun to put together.

She got really lucky on mother. Um, but I’ve also been a part of ones where it’s chaotic. It’s not put together. They, they, in their mind, they’re like, oh, my so-and-so’s gonna help me with this. They never asked so and so to help them. Mm-hmm. So then they’re scrambling at the last minute and it’s, it’s chaotic.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, it’s a hit or miss. And it’s like, uh, I think about it like, okay, what are they remembering from that date that they were working? The whole time they were sweating?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like literal, literally when they think about your wedding, they’re like, oh, the dance, they don’t remember the, the kiss or the ceremony.

The first time you, you know, the mom was putting the dress on. They have no memory of that because they were setting up. Yeah. And that’s, that’s why, that’s why I’m like, I, and I, like you said, I had phenomenal family members that really, like, I was so like chill the whole time. ’cause they were, they were really helpful.

Um, I just, that’s not my wish, I guess. But also like everybody does what they can with the budget that they have. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, and yeah, it’s funny because honestly until I was in my one friend, my one friend’s wedding and she said, I don’t want you guys to have to work at all as like bridesmaids. She’s like, I want you guys to have fun.

Like, I’m not having any of you like, have any jobs basically during the day. Mm-hmm. And that’s like the first time I like heard a bride say that. ’cause every wedding before that I’d been a part of setup, I’d been a part of all these things and I’m not complaining. ’cause again, I like that kind of stuff. I love being craft like.

You know, like we’re, we like that kind of thing. That’s why we’re in do what we do. But yeah. Um, many people like in wedding parties don’t like that stuff, you know? And so I felt like it was nice hearing that from a bride. Yeah. And then I just extra offered help for her. Like, I would just be like, Hey, do you want me to come over and help put together favors? Hey, do you want me to come over and help with? Um, I think I did like her guest book was like a globe and so like we did. And so involving myself that way. ’cause she was like, I don’t wanna make anyone feel like they have to work. And I was like, that’s kind of nice. That’s nice.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s nice to have those then you can help out more.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Because you want to, not because you feel obligated. Right?

BethyAbdissa:Yeah.

 

Bride, Mom, and Mayhem: Red Flags and Wedding Chaos

Christa Innis: I feel like we see that a lot. Um, have you had to be a therapist for any more brides or have any crazy stories of this summer that you wanna share that you can share?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, so many. I think I. Um, actually I feel like, uh, one couple I worked with really loved, like, because I’ve worked with them for a whole year, they hired me for a full service planning.

So just seeing them even grow in communication and really like, inspired me because I can, like the first day versus the last few days before the wedding, I was just playing back all the meetings we’ve had, uh, so far. And, and I do, and I do like interject sometimes when I, you know, and I can see like, you know, a little, oh, this is what I want, this is, and I’m like, um, what he is saying is, what she is saying is, you know, I do that still, but I feel like weddings can really create friction in relationship, like just the planning phase. Um, especially when you have a third person and you are still, you’re still voicing what you want ’cause you’re not gonna, ’cause this is your wedding, but you’re still trying to keep like your composure or you’re trying to look like you are, you know, you have your things together, you don’t wanna look like the crazy one, you know?

And so I think like that pressure of like trying to also be truthful, but also balance, like still remain professional with, when you have a planner, you can see like the authenticity, the rawness of the relationship, but also like, there’s a lot of understanding that grows. Um, especially because they’re from two different cultures.

And so, you know, there’s just a, a, a mesh of that. And I think that’s where I was like. Um, niching down as a planner for me, ha was, has been important, like trying to figure out what, what types of weddings I wanna master with my business partner. We’ve been going back and forth and it’s like, those are the places where we, I feel like we shined as a team just to like figure out what is the sa the, the sweet spot between two cultures.

Right? The men, especially like if you are obviously from a different country and getting married in the US there’s one, there’s a, a, a cultural, um, I would say fusion that happens from where you were to the US and then between the two of you. In addition to that, if there’s a difference as well, there’s an additional factor of like, okay, we, we live in America. I’m from this country. You’re from this country. And so like having that, like almost like a, a sweet spot between those three, figuring that out, but also you as a person in a relationship, um, you know, talking to your partner, which is like your, your future partner, right? This is just one day, but it feels like it almost is like a bridge to your new life that you’re creating.

So it’s like so important. It’s, and it, and it’s, I, I saw them grow and honestly, at the end I was like, you guys, I’m gonna miss these meetings. Like, I really am gonna miss these meetings because even though like the wedding’s done, I feel like I got attached to them as a couple. Um, and I can see us like going beyond just this wedding. Uh, I, I think I’ll remain in that, in that family for a while. Like, at, at least, at least until I marry off all their cousins, you know? But yeah, so just watching that, um, there were, there were times when, honestly what, like, drama wise, there were, there were mothers that were just too involved, you know, and I, I saw like a groom that was completely disengaged because of the mother’s involvement. He would barely attend meetings, um, and. And it’s just that that type of friction was happening. I don’t know if it was her wedding or the bride’s wedding, like there was like, oh, this is what I want. Like literally these are words I would hear from the mother. And I’m like, that’s not your wedding.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s interesting. I have to tell you and I wanna know your thoughts on this. Yeah. Like I said, I don’t do a ton of weddings anymore. I did like, I did, uh, one or two this year. No, I did one last year and I did two this year. Remember the year is like blended together. Yeah. But anyway, um, I had, and I do get consultations here and there and I’ll like usually do the first call, whatever, but I always wanna do the first call with the bride. Like the bride needs to be there. And I made it clear, well, I had a mother of a bride reach out. And she was so nice. This is nothing negative about the mother. But on the call, she made it clear that like she did everything. So like the things that she’d already done for the wedding was like done.

And I was like, oh, okay, is is blank gonna be joining us on the call? And it was like, no, she, she can’t make it. And so I, so to me that was like not a right fit because I’m very, like, my job is to work with the bride and groom or the couple getting married. Right. And again, I don’t take a lot of weddings in general, but I already knew off that call.

I was like, this is not gonna be the right fit if I can’t even get her on a call to talk about her plans and her vision for the wedding. And maybe she’s that kind of person that’s just like, mom, take the wheel and go. But what’s your take on that? What would you do if just like a mother of the bride or groom reached out to you?

Bethy Abdissa: See, that was my first red flag that I should have caught. She, um, yeah. And my business partner and I talk about it, and I’m like, that was like our, now that we’ve gone through it a couple of times, this is not our first rodeo unfortunately. Um, and so we’ve gone through it a couple of times. We’re like, okay, if the bride is not the person that is contacting us, and we request a bride to be there, and we can see that’s almost like a test of like how the wedding is gonna be, like the whole process of the planning.

Uh, I would say, I think there was a, there was, um, a desire for, and I took the call,for the business calls. I am the one who takes all the calls. So I, I think there was a desire of me to just like, get that business, but also make sure, because um, you know, I wanted to make sure that like, I wasn’t gonna say no, you know, like there was just like, how can I say no, da da da.

But like my instincts was telling me. It was gonna be a rough one, but I didn’t, I didn’t listen, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so I would say if you are a planner and you’re talking to a potential client, if it’s the parent, and you can, that’s literally how it’s going to be. Like, how you take the first call is probably how the whole conversation’s gonna be.

But now the other aspect is like, not only are you managing the mother, because at the end of the day, she’s not the bride. You have an additional person that you will get to at some point in the process, um, ask, you know, did you do this? Or do you want this or do you want that? And so it’s actually just more people to manage, more people to talk to.

Yes. Um, so it, it, it’s never like she’s completely eliminated from the process and the mom is taking over. That’s never the case, right? So it’s like, it’s, it’s more of like, you have two, two people. Then one’s not the bride. And then you have the groom and then also like you are the person that is trying to fix this.

And like I said, that’s the therapy place where you come in and you’re like, well, what do you want groom? You know? And you’re trying to include him because I feel like it’s not fair, but it’s not also like, do you care enough to make sure everybody feels a certain way or do you just do your job as in like just bare minimum and serve them and just, you know, move along. So I would say it’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it definitely, that’s it. I feel like it complicates it in a way I didn’t initially see, but it’s like, yeah, it’s like, think about like, um. I don’t know. If you’re just doing a job in general and you’re like, let’s say the bride is your boss, but you never actually meet her.

Yep. The other boss or whatever. And so when you go to that first day, you’re like, wait, who’s my, who am I listening to here? Because when I, like I said, when I work with someone, I always work with the bride or the groom. Right. I, I get on calls with them. I ask about their vision. And so that would be really complicated.

And, and I always say too, in the consultation call, I’m always like, it’s not for just me to see or it’s not for just like you to see me, it’s for me to see you. Like, let’s see if we’re good, a good fit. Can I help you make everything come true? Can I do all the tasks you have? Right. I agree. And I can’t meet you for that initial consultation. What if the wedding day comes and like, I’m like. This is just not a good match. Or like the brides tell me one thing that’s different than the mom, but she’s the one that’s paying me, but it’s her wedding day. And I’m just like, that’s just because you hear those horror stories like you do, and it’s just like, what do you do?

Bethy Abdissa: I, yeah, I definitely had a horror story. I don’t, I honestly, I’m not even sure I processed it enough to talk about it because it was just like such chaos, like in, in, in every, in every way. Um, but I think my team and I did the best that we could on the day. I don’t think there were that many issues, but the planning process, um, the just like.

Not even communication. Um, I would book or I would search for a vendor, but the mom has already booked another one. So it’s like, like stuff like that that kept happening. Can you imagine?  

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So yeah, that’s, yeah. So it’s like, and that’s also like causing double the work, right? Yeah. ’cause like you’re doing the work, she’s doing the work, ignoring what you’re doing, and then it’s like, why are they paying you to do this when she’s gonna do this anyway?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And then, or I would suggest a makeup artist and they would be like, no, da, da, da. And then two weeks before the wedding, they hired the same makeup artist I suggested. So it’s like, it was just, it was, I just counted the days for that wedding also, I’m gonna say.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But the thing is like, I love what I do. It’s, it’s almost like, um, a weird thing where the. It, the chaos doesn’t feel like chaos. It just feels like, oh, another puzzle. You know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: To be solved. So it didn’t feel like, um, I was actually more excited as the, as the, the problems were increasing, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. I think that’s fun. I feel like you’re in the right, the right business. The right industry. ’cause I, I see it like that way too when I, the rare occasions I do them, but it’s like, for my day, I’m like, I have everything listed out what I need to do. And then as like, it’s like, it’s almost like a game of like, what’s that TV show?

Like road rules or something or you’re like mm-hmm. Driving around, checking off this box. It’s like a sc Yes. Sometimes it’s kind of wild, but you’re like, at the end of the day, then you can just put your feet up and be like, all right, we did.

Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened.

Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get to this week’s story, I know we’re running kind of long on time.

Bethy Abdissa: I love, let me turn on the lights ’cause it’s getting dark. Sorry. No, you’re good. Because I didn’t know it was gonna get this dark. All right. There you

Christa Innis: are. No, I’m just kidding. Okay, so we’re gonna do a, a new segment this time and just rate on a scale of one to 10 from not important, not important to, very important in your as a wedding planner.

Okay. Okay. On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to you that the couple’s wedding reflects their unique story and personality?

Bethy Abdissa: It’s very important. Read. Read it. One to 10, you said?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say nine.

Christa Innis: Nine. How important is it for the couple to feel calm and stress free? Stress free throughout the planning process.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a six. I, I don’t think it’s that important because it’s normal to have some, some sort of stress. And actually I like the ones that are stressed because those are actually the more prepared ones. The ones that are not stressed. I find out on the day that they should have been stressed.

Christa Innis: I was thinking the same thing. ’cause if they’re a little too calm and collected, they’re not, they’re not thinking about what they have to do.

Bethy Abdissa: No. That freaks me out. I’m like, yeah. I’m like, no, my God, I got a lot of work to do. My first consultation call. I’m like, how, how is the planning process? They’re like, we’re, we’re done. We’re 99.9% done. I’m like, okay, let’s go through what you think is done. And then it’s not. Yes.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, how important is flexibility when with plans or budget, when plans or budgets change?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a seven. Reason I say a seven is a seven, 7.5. Uh, because yes, you should be flexible, but then you, the budget only changes because your want changes, right?

Like, we can do something that fits the budget that would just kind of being less than what you want. So the flexibility is there. But some, some brides and grooms have like, oh, our budget is 40 K, but then when we are spending, they don’t wanna know the numbers that we are spending. Um, so it’s like you really want to have.

A stop as a person, like you need to draw a line because if you don’t draw a line, I can get you to a hundred KII can get you to 125. We can get everything you’ve ever dreamed of. But the thing is like not having a stop will actually increase the pressure because especially the last bills of the weddings come up a month before, and so a month before when you’re paying it out, you’re like, oh, I didn’t know it was this much.

And so I would say it’s important, but the flexibility is important. But also having a boundary and saying, this is the number we are gonna stop with. This is also I think you have a life after a wedding.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Um, how important is it for the couple to have a detailed, realistic timeline leading up to the big day?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say again, maybe a seven or eight. Yes, it’s good. For your own sake, especially the get ready part, like I would say that your morning, your makeup, um, your bridesmaid schedule, those are the things that kind of trickle down throughout the day. So if you have that detailed, that’s nice. But I have brides that are in the wedding trying to tell me it’s at 7:05, we should be doing okay, calm down.

You know, like I don’t need that much detail of like how everything goes down because again, it’s not gonna be a hundred percent. Um, there are things that move around, but for the most part, like, like between five to 15 minute, um, like flexibility is important, but you know what ends up happening And this is why I am like, don’t worry, as long as we get to dinner, that’s always what I say. We get to dinner on time, everything else, don’t worry about it because people. Think people are gonna really dance. People don’t dance more than an hour. Like there’s only maybe one or two weddings where I was like, oh, these people are dancing. But more than an hour, an hour and a half people end up leaving the weddings 10, 10:30.

These are like my, my experience this whole summer. So I’m like, you could have just relaxed the whole day and just pushed everything a little, you know, spread it out. So don’t be so aggressive when it comes to like the, the, the timing. But I would say I don’t like keeping people waiting at all for ceremony or dinner. Like you need to be on time for ceremony and you need to be on time for dinner.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s what those DIY weddings too, when or when they start so, so early. Yeah. And then the girls are just in their makeup for two hours being like, you have nothing to do. I’ve been in weddings like that before, where you get your makeup done at 6:00 AM.

And then the schedule’s kinda weird or wonky. And then we were kinda just like left in the dust, like the bride and groom were off somewhere. It was still like two hours till the reception and we were just like sitting around like. All right. What do we do? Our makeup’s done, but like we can’t really go anywhere yet.

’cause the wedding’s not done and you kinda just sit around and then you’re exhausted. You don’t wanna dance, or you like maybe dance for an hour and then it’s like, yeah, you’re exhausted.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Up. I like the skeleton to work with, but I always change it. Like on my first meeting, I’m like, do you have a timeline?

They say, no. Great. I’ll make one for you. Um, if, if it’s, if it’s me planning the entire wedding, obviously I’m creating the plan, the timeline, but some brides come with a timeline of I’m doing like a partial or day of coordination. And then I look at it, I’m like, yeah, like even now, today, I, I, tomorrow I’m, I’m gonna have a meeting with the bride because I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.

There’s a 40, 45 minute that’s just sitting empty there. Mm-hmm. So like, those are things that I do, um, regardless of them having a timeline or not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s good. Um, all right. How important is it to design moments that feel emotional and memorable for a couple and guests alike?

Bethy Abdissa: Well, I love that. I mean, that’s, I, I try to do that.

Um, and, and in my consultation I ask, you know, what is important? How’d you guys meet? Is there something, something we can, um, recreate? I did like one wedding. We did, um, it was an Indian American wedding. It is every, um, she used to write her notes, right? And so like random notes on sticky notes, blah, blah, blah, like love letters.

Basically, they. They recreated it on their, um, napkins for, um, the alcohol

Christa Innis: and for, oh, that’s like a sticky note that he wrote on. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: So, but it’s on a napkin. I actually took some Oh, cute. Because it looks so cute. So all the letters, um, you know how much I love you, dah, dah, dah, dah. And he would sign it at the bottom with his handwriting, basically recreated it on napkins for cocktail and for, um, the bar.

So I like just

Christa Innis: that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, that’s, that was very nice. Or they did like, also, you know, those, um, deck of cards, those were their guest books. So, or every deck of card had a note from somebody and they were gonna play the card when they go home and they can see the notes. So, um, kind of like engaging the guests with also showing.

Their love story and the, and the whole process. So if, if I could do it, I would love to do it is I would say an eight would would, because it would increase the experience for the guests. But it could be a lot of work from the bride and groom perspective if they’re just like, I just wanna get married.

You know?

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I’m sure you learned that a lot in that first consultation to be like, okay, yeah, there’s someone that cares about the little details. Yes. And wants to showcase their personality. For sure. This person wants to check the box of these three things or whatever. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I love that.

Maid of Honor Meltdown: When Friendship and Wedding Plans Collide

Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. Are you ready? I’m excited. All right. Let’s do it. Three we, three months before my wedding, my maid of honor dropped out over text. Now, I’m not sure if I should still invite her to the bridal shower or even the wedding. Here’s some backstory. Ever since I got engaged, things with my maid of honor, let’s call her Mary, have been rocky.

At first, Mary seemed excited and offered help, but I didn’t really need much early on since I was just booking vendors, I’d tell her I’m good right now, or share updates about the venue, and somehow it always turned negative. For example, when I mentioned that guests would need to pay for their own rooms, she accused me of making a profit off the wedding.

What? And she under weddings, where they pay for the hotel. And why does she think the bride would be making that money?

Bethy Abdissa: That is weird. So some sort of coordination with the hotel, I guess, where the bride gets the money?

Christa Innis: I don’t know why she think, why the maid of honor would think that, which of course isn’t true.

She just doesn’t understand how expensive weddings really are. Mary and I have been friends for a long time. She’s been dating her boyfriend, we’ll call him Jim for a while. At one point I jokingly said, your next Jim, just playful banter. But months later I found out they were actually mad about mad at me about that joke and thought I was a terrible person for saying it.

We eventually made up, but things never fully went back to normal. I constantly felt like I was walking on]eggshells. Why would they be so mad at her for joking about being next, like pressure?

Bethy Abdissa: I think there’s a, there’s hidden animosity.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I know. I’m wondering like, because I feel like there’s always this thing with these stories where like, they were dating first and then they were dating, and so you can’t get engaged before me because we were together first, and I see these happen a lot.

So I’m wondering if like, the maid of honor was dating the guy first. Yeah. Something like he didn’t ask her. I don’t know. Yeah. Um, a few months later, I decided to make my college friend Julie, my matron of Ner. Okay. Is this before she dropped out and told Mary they could share the role? Mm, that’s why Mary’s mad. What are your thoughts on that?  

Bethy Abdissa: Is is the story over? Oh, there’s a lot more. I mean, I feel like the bride, I could, first I was like, okay, made meat of honors and bride meat. They, they’ve, they’ve given me headaches this summer, so I, I was like, okay, I’m already like bridesmaids, bride, sweets problems. But when she said like, yeah, this is definitely, uh, I think she was pushing for problems to like, from the start, I feel like, because why would you even start the story from she dropped out and not actually start from here?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Because now I’m just confused as like, was your intention to already make her look bad? Because, and now you’re thinking of like, oh, it could be because they were mad then it was, because when I said this, she said that. So I, I’m, I’m curious to hear the entire story before I make my judgment, but now I, I, I see two problematic people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is wild.

Okay. I was nervous to tell her, but to my surprise, she seemed fine with it. Julie ended up being amazing. She helped with everything before I even asked, made planning easier, and kept me sane. Well, here’s the thing, I, I agree with you because I’m already seeing too, where she’s like, Julie, Julie’s up here.

She’s amazing. And then Mary over here has not been helping. But she said early on, Mary asked if she could help, and she said, well, I was just looking vendors. But now Julie’s helping with everything before she even asks. I think that’s overstepping. Yeah. Me personally, as a bride, I wouldn’t wanna bride me to come to me and be like, I did this for you without you asking.

I’d be like, no, no, thank you. So it sounds like she’s like giving Julie more reins to do things and mm-hmm. Maybe values her more as a friend. Yeah. Not long after I invited Mary to go flower shopping with me, and that went well, but when I asked her to help with a few DIY projects later on, it turned into a disaster.

We got into a disagreement because she has very strict values and I always tried to respect that. Okay. For example, I mentioned wanting to go dancing for my bachelorette, but she said she couldn’t go because of her relationship boundaries. Okay. That was fine. But my fiance said he didn’t love the idea either. You can’t go, I mean, teach the road. You can’t go. Damn thing. Okay. I joked to her, well, if you say no, then you can’t come to Vegas either.

You already know she’s feeling a certain way. Why are you joking at her saying that? Let’s just, that’s lie. Yeah. She threw it back at me saying I was being controlling. And when I tried to explain the context, she just kept arguing after that things seemed okay again, at least for a few weeks. I don’t think they’re okay. I think it’s like she keeps throwing, like digs at her expecting her not to respond and then she responds and the bride’s like, but, but what? I’m just joking.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Mm. I, yeah. The bride was, was uh, already. Interesting. I really didn’t see this coming. I thought, I thought it was gonna be the bridesmaid, but right now I’m, I’m for the bridesmaid, it just feels like, or the maid of honor, it just feels like she’s creating problems and trying to, okay. She doesn’t wanna go. Like again, why is there, why is there pressure there? If you already know her, you are making a made of, uh, her, you’re maid of honor for specific reasons. Either this person is close to you, you trust them, it’s somebody you want next to you, you’ve dreamt about this, blah, blah, blah, and you know them though, you like, how is their values gonna change for you overnight? That’s just not gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like, I know who I’m gonna ask to do certain things for my wedding. Right. That’s just it. And, and she’s not, it’s not like this person came up with her like values now overnight. This is just the person she is. And her fiance also said the same thing. So I’m, anyways, I’m really curious where this lady’s going.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. So she said, then out of nowhere I got an AI generated message from her

Bethy Abdissa: Out of nowhere,

Christa Innis: Out of nowhere, completely saying she was stepping down as maid of honor. Here’s what it said. Hey, first, I wanna thank you again for asking me to be your maid of honor. I’m just picturing like chat, GPT, like that meant a lot.

After reflecting more on where things are in my life in between us, I realized I need to step down from that role. This decision isn’t meant to hurt you, it’s just something I feel is necessary so that you can be fully supported by people who align best with your energy and vision. Right now, I think we’ve grown in different ways, and I don’t feel I’m the best fit to stand beside you.

The people sitting next to you should be the ones that are best for you. I’d be happy to come as a guest and support you from the sidelines. I truly wish you a beautiful wedding and joyful beginning to this next chapter. I mean, maybe she did use AI. We don’t know that for a fact, but. It sounds good.

Bethy Abdissa: Sounds genuine to me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, honestly, what else? What else do you want someone to say? I mean, she’s like, she wants you to be supported. Yeah. She knows she’s not in the place, or your relationship’s not in the place for her to be by your side. She’s respectfully stepping down. She’s communicating it instead of being rude and blocking your number.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, and she could have waited until last minute. Pushed it and made it about herself. Right. Like it could be, she wanted to be the talk of the wedding and, you know, leave a mark. So, so I’ve had bridesmaids do that like a week. Like I had a wedding this season, a week before the wedding. She said she couldn’t come.

Um, so there are, there are bridesmaids that do that. I honestly think this person’s, however bad the bride is trying to paint her. I, I am not seeing it.

Christa Innis: I don’t really see, I, I see this all as like a one is a lack of communication. Two, there was already some kind of animosity between both of them. I don’t think anyone’s like right and wrong or angel and demon, you know?

I feel like it’s like two friends that maybe had a falling out. Communicate to get right on the same page. ’cause this was, it says she dropped out three months before the wedding. So I feel like there’s, that’s still plenty of time. She’s respectfully saying like, look, things are off between us.

It would feel fake for me to be next to you and being like, Hey, we’re the best of friends. Especially made of honor. It’s not even just a bridesmaid roll. It’s made of honor. That should be like your closest friend. Um. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Someone who aligns with your values. And that’s what she said. She’s like, we are not aligned with our values.

You know? And, and that would be, and a wedding does show you that, by the way. Yeah. Like, it does show you like, ’cause some people are like, oh no, we are high school friends. I want her to be my bridesmaid. I’m like, are you sure? Because you probably don’t even know half of the things that she believes now. Like, you don’t, you don’t have the same values anymore.

People grow, people just evolve, you know, and it’s not a bad thing, right? Like, it’s not a bad thing at all. But who you want as a bridesmaid is not necessarily just a friend. Like, again, I think those, like even siblings, you don’t have to, you don’t have, like, someone you want as a bridesmaid is someone who doesn’t necessarily need to be your best friend. It needs to be somebody who can. Put their desires aside for that day, put their, um, wants aside and make sure you are, you know, taken care of. And they’re someone who is really good at organization. Like, let’s say your best friend is the worst, like not type I would say even worse than that. You don’t want her to organize your baby showers.

Your wedding shower’s just not gonna work. Mm-hmm. You are tasking her with something that she’s personally character not able to produce.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: You know what I mean? So yes, she could, she is your best friend and you love her for all the ways, but not the things that a bridesmaid or a maid of honor is required to do.

And that’s like when they say, oh, I want my sister. I’m like, the entire time I see them fighting the entire time bickering. I was like, nobody forced your you to make your sister your maid of honor. Right.

Christa Innis: They just think they have to like check that box. And I’ve even heard of so many parents, like pressuring, like, your brother has to be your best man.

Yeah. And it’s like, um, like this one guy in particular was like, my brother can never get anywhere on time. He’s never like, done anything. Like he, he doesn’t do anything for other people. Yeah. He’s always late. He, you know, all these things. He’s like, I cannot rely on him for anything. I don’t wanna be my best man.

But then the parents were refusing to come or pay for anything if he wasn’t gonna be the best man. It’s just like, why do people do that? Like, I don’t get that.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you would have a friend who actually shows up for that day who does everything, a best man does, but doesn’t get the appreciation or the place or the position that that best man is having.

And it’s like, hmm. It doesn’t make sense. Um, and those are the hard decisions that you have to make beforehand. Um, is this story over, this is interesting. I just, oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: There’s a little  bit more.

Christa Innis:  It’s not like a ton more.

Bethy Abdissa: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna go off. I was like, okay, let’s finish this topic.

Christa Innis: Okay. It says So in reply or talking about her message, she got, she says, it sounded so robotic that I immediately asked for more context because it didn’t even sound like her. Now you’re accusing her. I hate to come hard on like, people that like send in messages, because I think many times people expect I’m gonna be like, oh yeah.

Like they’re the villain. But I really try to look at it with open eyes and be like, okay, this is, I’m trying to be un as unbiased. I’m not involved in this. Right? Yes. Yeah. And so to immediate, if someone texted me a long, heartfelt message, whether it was AI or not, like, let’s take AI outta the equation.

Maybe someone helped her write it. They still took the time and they were communicating with you, right? Mm-hmm. And to be like, gimme more context. She was very clear. I mean, yeah, maybe she didn’t give specifics. She was,

Bethy Abdissa: But she  could. Yeah, she could say, she could see where it was going. And not only that, it was just like a bunch of, it’s not one thing.

Yeah. She literally said, we, we are growing apart. Like we don’t have the same values. Like how are you going to specify and say here, there that it’s just, we are not the same people we thought we were. So it’s like, yeah. I think that the clarification question, all that was just, uh, I’m sorry. Like I was actually, I would say I was already biased against the bridesmaid ’cause I thought she was gonna be problematic because of my experience.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But I, I completely switched over.

Christa Innis: Mm. Okay. Let’s see. That’s when things got worse. She flipped it on me and said, I lied about a graduation party, a party, by the way, that my sister, my future sister-in-law, threw not me. It happened months earlier and Mary wasn’t invited. Apparently, she’d been holding onto that resentment the whole time.

Ah, now I, I just don’t know because she’s saying in this text it’s like values. But now she’s like, well, you went to a party without me. She kept accusing me of lying, but refused to say what I supposedly lied about. When I asked directly, she just repeated, you know what you did. I apologized, even though I genuinely had no idea what I was apologizing for, and she never responded.

Later I found out she’d been talking to Julie behind my back, complaining that wedding traditions are stupid and that she wanted to tell me directly. Julie told her not to. Mary also kept going on about how expensive everything was and twisted my words from another conversation claiming I called the bridesmaids fillers.

Oh gosh. That was completely taken out of context. Oh, oh. So she said it.

That’s why I always like, whenever people say that was taken outta context, and they’re like, oh, you have to like see the whole thing. I’m like, but was it said she?

Bethy Abdissa: She, she didn’t deny that she said it.

Christa Innis: So it’s like, unless you were quoting someone else, you said it.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I don’t know what context that would.

Be justified. Honestly, the thing is when someone says, you know what you did, I actually think the other person knows what they did.

Christa Innis: Oh, is that a hot take?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I, I gen and they’re like, I genuinely don’t know what I did, dah, dah, dah. I actually think they know what they did, and there’s things that are like beyond conversation.

Mm-hmm. To to almost like spitefulness where you, where you feel weird about what they like saying what they did, because it’s almost mind boggling that they did that. You know what I’m saying? Like, it’s like, I don’t even wanna verbalize what you did because you, because it was. It was so calculated. It was so thought, thought out that like, I really just don’t want to address it and name it because I can’t even believe you did it, but you know what you did.

Mm-hmm. And I genuinely have been in those situations. I’m like, yeah, this person, they know what they’re doing. You know? And it’s like me telling them almost feels weird. Like, ’cause we we’re across that point where if I say it, there’s no coming back.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, we’re

Bethy Abdissa: I’m just gonna, yeah. I wanna, I wanna move forward with some sort of a relationship with this person. So I’m just not gonna say it. They know what they did. I know what they did. Let’s just let it be.

Christa Innis: Mm. That’s a good point.

Bethy Abdissa: I, I can kind of see that. Yeah. Yeah. Because she wouldn’t have sent that message and say, you know, I, I would still wanna be a guest at your wedding. Right. I, I still would wanna come, dah, dah, dah, dah. She’s trying to sever whatever’s left off this relationship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: So she’s trying to let it die, you know, be cordial. Let me not be a bride, like a maid of honor, dah, dah da. I’ll be a guest, because again, this person could just be like, I don’t wanna come to your wedding. I don’t want anything to do with you, but she’s trying to suffer whatever is left.

But then the bride kept pushing and saying, what did I do? What did I do? And then she probably triggered into saying the things that she, she did.

Christa Innis: oh, okay. I, I can see that. All right.

She said, I had said I wanted to invite a few more people to the Bachelorette, and if some couldn’t come, it wasn’t a big deal, meaning the extras weren’t essential.

Not that I didn’t like them. Probably a poor choice of words on my part, but definitely not how she made it sound. Okay, so she’s saying like, to her pillar, other people to come.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know if that was a good choice of words either. Like, I don’t mind if they don’t come. You know, you could have said it in so many ways, but there were people that you wanted to be there and there were people that were actually fillers.

So

Christa Innis: yeah, I get what she’s saying, but yeah, you, yeah, you’re like, I’ve seen so many things happen. I, I can tell. And yeah, to kind of say like, she did say like, I don’t really care if they come or not.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, you could have been like, as long as five people are here, whatever. But no, it was more so like, oh yeah, those, there’s a specific group of people that you think if they come, you know, it’s just gonna look like a party because there’s more people there, but they’re not the core people that you want there.

As long as these core people are here, the other ones are dispensed. That’s what I’m hearing.  Because why would you use that word? I I don’t get it. Like, I’ll be like, yeah, uh, we invited 20 people, 10 people come. Great. You could, you could say so many ways without using the word fillers. Fillers actually means what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Fiddler sounds like you just want a body there. You don’t body there. Who they are, what they’re doing, what they, yeah. Anything you just want a body. Exactly.

Bethy Abdissa: Exactly.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Last little paragraph here. It says, now I’m left wondering what to do. Do I still invite her to the wedding? Her whole family was supposed to be invited to, and the situation feels so awkward. I’m torn between wanting to be the bigger person and just be done with the drama all together. I, I don’t.  

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t invite her.

Christa Innis:  You wouldn’t invite her?

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t if I was in the bride’s position. The thing is like, although I feel like the bride is the problematic one in this situation, I feel like the bride is the problematic one.

Why would you want somebody there that you are gonna give a half, half-ass hug too? Like, you’re gonna be like, oh my gosh, she’s here. You’re gonna roll your eyes. Your bridesmaids are gonna be talking about her, what she’s wearing, how she’s acting. Like, again, if it’s my wedding, I don’t want anybody there that I am not excited to see.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Or, or I know is happy for me a hundred percent. And it doesn’t, from the bride’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like this person is a good person for her.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Even though I disagree that the bride is the problematic one. I, I don’t know.

Christa Innis: I feel like you have a very mature way of looking at it. Like, ’cause that’s true.

It’s like ultimately when it comes down to it, yeah. You want, you know, clean air, you want someone, people that are there to support you. Yeah. Um, and not saying that girl said she didn’t, I mean, she just said she doesn’t fully support her and doesn’t wanna like be by her side for like me. It’s like, it’s so individual and like, since I’m not there, I don’t know how the relationship is in person.

I’d be like, since the girl said I’d be happy to come as a guest, then you put it back in her court and you invite her and she can then make decision. If she ultimately is like, Hey, I’m sick that weekend, you know, can’t come. Yeah. Then. Nail in the coffin then you’re just agree. Um, it’s hard too when it’s like, obviously if you’re gonna invite her family, you were probably close to her family as well.

Yeah. And it’s even harder, it sounds like you guys grew up together.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But I think, um, yeah, it just sounds like one of those friendships that are maybe just like diverging, you know?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And I, and I think like when you think about like the, the bridesmaid said, I was gonna come and I wanna support you as a guest, you know, that was her intention.

Um, but if, if, if it wasn’t, if I was the bride in that position, I would’ve just invited her and stopped it right there. But the conversations that went back and forth would make me second guess. Like I just, I guess where I’m at in my life, I think is also a projection of sorts.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, I really, um. As a person who used to be married, um, and now I’m actually engaged, so,

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Congratulations!

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, thank you. Um, I wouldn’t want anybody that I literally see and have second thoughts of like, or any, any sort of uncomfortable situation. Like I’m really like, I don’t know if it’s like. Age, or I don’t know, whatever’s in the air like I have almost zero tolerance for any sort of second guessing in my life, even with friendships.

And, uh, I completely did a 180 on all my friendships. Literally cleaned house, I would say in the last three years. And just went through like, oh, these are things that I’ve just been like passive about. So I’m not passive about who is my friend and who is not anymore. I think it’s coming from that. So I might be projecting a little.

Um, but like I would rather have 50 genuine people that truly want my, you know, to me to be happy in my future, to be beautiful than to just have fillers.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, no, you know what? You make a really good point of, uh, ’cause I was only thinking about the initial text, the follow-up text. I’m just putting myself in the bride’s shoes, whether she’s right or wrong in all this.

Um, you know, I’m sure there’s things we don’t know that happened between them, but her saying, um, you know what you did. Like if a friend before my wedding said, well, you know what you did, I’d be like, alright, I’m not, I’m not playing this game. That aside, if a friend said that to me, whether I thought I was guilty or not, God, I hope not.

Like I hope I wouldn’t do something like that to a friend. But let’s just say that’s what she said, and the bride thinks she’s a hundred percent innocent then. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I don’t think she shouldn’t invite her, because you’re gonna be wondering, it’s gonna be catty, it’s gonna be bridesmaids me like, oh my gosh.

That’s the, that’s the girl she dropped out. Oh, she was talking crap about you behind your back. You know? And so at that point, can you move forward? You’re gonna need to like really hash everything out or wait till after the wedding and do that. But I, yeah, I, I don’t think you should. Yeah. But you not inviting her is also gonna be the end of your friendship, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: I think it, it, it sounds like if I was in the brides position, I would get to the bottom of it before inviting her. Like whatever she thinks I did, I need to know verbatim. Um, I would be like, okay, what is it? We are going to talk about it, we’re gonna chat about it. But if it, the conversation ended where the story ended, and I still, I’m, I’m going back and forth about inviting her.

It’s an immediate no for me. Mm-hmm. Um, but like, if we can come to a resolution, a conversation, because then it, it is over already. Like I feel like the friendship is over whether I invite her or not. If we don’t come to a resolution here because you, you are not supporting me on my biggest day of my life.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah. And why s why invite someone that we’re not gonna have a future anyway? Yeah. I don’t wanna send pictures if it’s gonna make me upset or something. Pretty much, yeah. I also get too, like if they’ve just been hanging onto a thread because they know each other so long, maybe they’ve been fading and they only, she only asked to be a maid of honor.

’cause how long they’ve been friends. I’ve been at that point in friendships before where like it’s just the final straw. Yeah. And I’m, I’ve exhausted all resources up here, spiritually, mentally, physically. And I see that last text and I’m just like, yep. That, that about did it. Yeah. I, I’m done with this friendship, I’m not gonna even try. So if that’s the case, if you are even like, consider questioning it, then Yeah. I think it’s just a no.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Agreed.

 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Love that. We talked that through like we were their therapist. I’m like, picking up your therapist vibes.

Bethy Abdissa: Love it. Yeah. I, I think I need to do more of these like, reactions of like weddings and stuff like that. Even for my content, I’m like, I think I, I enjoy it so much. Um, but also like it’s so nice to just see it like firsthand and like literally in life to there. Yeah. The bridesmaid, if someone says, I have seven or eight bridesmaids, I’m like, uh, we have one or two problematic people say four, four is the sweet spot, like, say four please. And I’m like, oh, thank God.

Christa Innis: I had nine.

Bethy Abdissa:  Really?

Christa Innis: I would say a wedding once with 12.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, Jesus.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So mine was even the biggest outta my friends. But I’ve been also in weddings where there was three bridesmaids. Oh, and they were problematic.

Bethy Abdissa: No. Yeah. No, I had, I think my first wedding, I think I had eight or nine too, and it was chef’s kiss. So Yeah. It’s not, it’s not a one size fits all for sure.

Christa Innis: No. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve also said too, like if I got married like years ago, like Yeah, like early twenties, I think it would’ve been bigger and there would’ve been some bad apples in there for sure.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then within that time, and then the time I got married, a few had been dwindling away and yeah, I think so. I think we cleaned house before that, but yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

When Photographers, Caterers & DJs Drop the Ball

Okay, before we go, I’ve got a couple of confessions that people send me. Okay. And we’ll react to those and then, okay. Exciting. Okay. I can’t read the small print. Okay. Um, this is about wedding vendors. Confessions. Okay. 

It said photographer didn’t get a picture of me and my now deceased father walking down the aisle. I would hope, well, that, I feel like the photographer would always get photos of walking down the aisle. So that would, that’s a definite mess up on their part. I would think so.

Bethy Abdissa: That’s weird because it’s not the only, but they took photos of them, like walk with the bridesmaids, walking the, like everything else but her and her dad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s what I’m guessing. And some photographers I find you have to be like, really clear. Like, don’t miss this. Don’t miss this. ’cause I’ve been to weddings too, where photographers like had a contract but then like they did not do what they said they were gonna do. And if I had been more involved, I probably would’ve said something, but like, like one, they were like, oh, I’m gonna bring an assistant, like my second photographer.

Never brought an assistant, but they still wanted the full payment and then they just like paid just to like get them outta their way. And I’m just like, no, I never would’ve paid if they said they were being an assistant. They didn’t. So some used to be like really clear, like, this is the, these are the photos we want. We don’t wanna miss these. But yeah, that sucks.

Um, this one says our caterer showed up over two hours late, didn’t have one of the special request meals we asked for.

Bethy Abdissa: I’ve had caterers come two hours late too. What do you do? You just start praying, you know, that’s literally you, if you believe in God, that’s when you need to chip in any of that conversation at that moment.

I like they, they came to, they came on time but didn’t set up. I’ve had one, one wedding where she literally lied to me. The, the caterer lied to me about why she didn’t come on time and said, oh, you said it was four o’clock. And, and I have multiple, not only on the contract, but multiple text messages. I was like, you don’t need to lie.

Right. And then, and then basically I was like, I just need to get this done. Just set up. I don’t wanna hear anything. Right. No excuses. Yeah. Just, just set up right now. And then I had one where they’re like, oh, we’re, what time is the cocktail? And the cocktail’s almost over. Um, so what you do with that is basically I just finesse, like, I just like, okay, go past the appetizers and not set up right.

Like the last 15 minutes they passed the appetizer. Um. They’re two hours late. That means, you know, you just have to push things maybe a cocktail hour longer. That’s what I would do as a planner. I would just get people more drunk. 

Bethy Abdissa: So that they, you know, so then people don’t realize what time it is. And you know, I’m like, okay, well I’ll talk to the bride and groom and be like, okay, we’re gonna have to pay extra hour for the cocktail hour because yeah, caterers late.

And then we push everything an hour. Um. And then with the special meal request, I mean, I would say like some sort of conversation would, can, can happen after the, the event with the caterer. Um, most brides and grooms are super lazy to come back and say, Hey, our contract said this, that, um, but I would highly urge, uh, bride and room to go back and say, you know, we need to figure this out.

But yeah, two hours late is the most probably annoying thing more than the one meal missed , um, because that’s more people that was affected. But with the one meal missed, if I was a planner, I would actually go to that person, order them a food.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Got get a a, like a DoorDash or Uber Eats or something. And I would serve them as a, like a specific special food for them.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: If I was a planner.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I would say the only time, like you made a good point, like if there’s like appetizers and open bar, like people are hanging out, usually don’t notice. The only time I did notice was when there was a weird gap between the ceremony ending, ending in the reception starting, there was like a three hour gap in like this random town.

And so they went everyone back by like six o’clock for dinner, right? So he had us all get in, get to our tables, and then we sat for another hour. And I remember just being so hungry it was cold in there. ’cause you know, like usually you can like get happy hour, you’re getting like the vibe going. But like we went from like going then outside and like a December wedding. Back in. So that made it more obvious. ’cause we’re already sitting at our tables like waiting, no s going. But for the most part, if there’s like already a DJ or there’s like something happening, people aren’t gonna, yes. I feel like two hours is a long time though.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I always say have a cocktail hour. Even if you don’t, you’re not a drinker. You know, some of my brides and grooms are not like alcoholic or it’s dry wedding, I would say, you know, you can get, um, mocktails and soft drinks and, you know, even like fried foods, whatever it is. Yeah. Having some sort of food during cocktail hour is such a buffer.

It’s, it gets people in the mood like it, it’s such a good transition. Like I say, oh, every time they’re like, oh, we don’t have a cocktail hour. I was like, I’m just saying the guest experience is not going to be there. Like, people are gonna not gonna be excited about this. So

Christa Innis: I think people are always looking for some kind of refreshment after.

Yes, yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Doesn’t have to be an open. You could even have cheese and crackers and you know, from a grocery store, whatever. Absolutely. People need, people want something to like pick at, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: Agreed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right, last one. Um, let’s see. There’s so many here to choose from.

Um, gave the DJ a set list and timeline. He ignored it all.

Bethy Abdissa: DJs, DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies. 

Christa Innis: That should be a T-shirt.

Bethy Abdissa: Genuinely had, like, I had the best DJs and I had the worst this summer, so there was one who like, basically he rearranged the schedule, did not talk to me, goes back and forth with the bride, creates the schedule, and I’m like, oh guys, it’s time for cake. And they’re like, oh no, the DJ already moved the stuff.

So I’m like, basically. As the coordinator, I was be like following directions from the DJ and it was took over and was just like moving stuff. Yeah. And I, I, I avoided him like the plague the whole night. I just was like, if I talk to you, I’m a, I’m probably not gonna say nice things, so I’m just gonna, you know,

Christa Innis: I like keep my vibes high.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, I I don’t wanna do the non-Christian thing to do, so Please like, move away. So pretty much I avoided him, but I, I also let the bride and groom know, because I was like. What’s the point of me, you know? So, um, unfortunately, I, I try to break the ice. I do an email, uh, a couple emails before the wedding.

Hi, I am bey, da da da. I’m the coordinator. Here’s the schedule. If you have any questions on the day, I’m the person. I also make sure that all the vendors get meals, um, and that’s something we can talk about a different day. ’cause I, I, that experience was insane. I had a few experiences where the bride and groom are like, oh no, we’re not paying for meals.

Uh, so I make sure during my, you know, meetings with the bride and room that the, the all vendors are fed and all that stuff. So, and then on the day I actually supervised with the catering team to make sure, you know, the DJ usually eats at their, um, station. So I make sure they get everything and then. All the harshness, da, da, da kind of dies usually.

And that’s where I build a bridge. So they’re like, okay, Bethy, you know, let’s talk about it. Or they communicate with me before they do anything.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: There, there’s just one incident. It’s just, I was like, if the bride and groom are happy, I don’t, I literally stepped away. But it seems like from the situation that DJ did not do what he needed to do, um, I usually, again, they probably didn’t have a coordinator.

That’s all. That’s what it is, like. Mm-hmm. It’s the most like forgotten vendor, but I promise you it is. You would rather. Honestly, you would rather lose one of the vendors before you lose a coordinator. Because if you had a coordinator, you told her that I would’ve pulled up. I usually do a rundown of all the stuff that we talked about.

So I would do, like, do you have the music that they ask for? What’s the music for? Um, the procession, the recession. I do all this stuff beforehand, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Or on the day we would’ve been able to fix it if the, you know, some music wasn’t supposed to be played and the the DJ played it.

So hire a coordinator. Like it all ends up being hire a planner slash a coordinator.

Christa Innis: Yes. Can’t say it enough. Those extra set of hands come, come very handy. Yes.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes. A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming back on Buffy as always. Thank you. Pleasure hanging out and chatting with you.

Always good to see your face.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Krista. Thank you to everybody for just, you know, hanging out with us and chitchatting about weddings. Uh, Krista, I appreciate your time and your genuineness. Um, thank you for reaching out again and I hope to come back with more stories. I’ll have specific stories.

I just have, I haven’t processed the summer, you know, it’s, it was so much so I’m just like, I need to write it, blog it, you know,

Christa Innis: you need to like journal after these weddings,

Bethy Abdissa: that’s for sure.

Christa Innis: Where can everyone follow you and find your awesome content?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so on Instagram it’s K Blossom events. It’s K Blossom under events.

That’s my business page. Uh, but both on uh, Instagram and on TikTok, um, Bethy creates. Um, and yeah, thank you guys for watching. I appreciate you. Thank you Krista. Thank you.


Rules of Engagement, Hot Takes, and A Sister Rivalry with Lucette Brown

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Ever been caught in sibling competition over life milestones?

In this episode, Christa Innis and Lucette Brown dive into one listener’s wild tale of wedding conflicts. They cover topics such as handling toxic relationships, sibling rivalry, and balancing personal happiness with family expectations. The episode also includes unpopular opinions on wedding traditions, a humorous take on wedding speeches gone wrong, and the pressures of planning events. The episode ends with a rapid-fire Q&A about event planning and a heartfelt discussion on maintaining supportive family relationships.

Join Christa and Lucette Brown as they unpack jealousy, toxicity, and the importance of support in family dynamics—plus, discover how to survive wedding chaos without losing your sanity.

JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:51 Weather Talk: Melbourne vs. Midwest USA

04:07 Life in Chicago

04:59 Lucette’s Career Journey

06:51 Balancing Motherhood and Career

10:30 Unpopular Opinions: Relationships and Weddings

23:27 Event Planning Rapid Fire

33:40 Accidental Committee President

35:00 Mom Life and Time Management

37:14 Wedding Story Submission

41:23 Sister Rivalry and Wedding Drama

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Engagement Jealousy – Listener feels overlooked as her sister gets proposed to first despite being “less established.”
  • Diamond Drama – Comparison of a real diamond versus an Etsy ring sparks tension and hurt feelings.
  • Dress Appointment Feuds – Fat-phobic comments create conflict between sisters during bridesmaid dress shopping.
  • Wedding Route Differences – One sister chooses Vegas elopement while the other plans a traditional wedding, escalating rivalry.
  • Maid of Honor Dispute – Listener isn’t chosen as sister’s maid of honor, highlighting boundary and favoritism issues.
  • Family Dynamics & Toxicity – Pent-up anger and competition reveal deeper familial struggles.
  • Lesson in Support – Christa and Lucette discuss the importance of healthy boundaries and emotional support.
  • Wedding Speech Nightmares – Confessions of inappropriate, cringe-worthy wedding speeches illustrate common wedding missteps.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Everyone has different boxes to check, don’t compare your journey to theirs.” – Lucette Brown
  • “Your feelings are always valid, but toxicity isn’t excusable just because it’s family.”  – Lucette Brown
  • “Let them be, sometimes you can’t force people into your bubble.” – Lucette Brown
  • “If you’re unhappy with someone, either hash it out or step back.” – Lucette Brown
  • “Just because someone’s your sister doesn’t mean they get a free pass to hurt you.” – Lucette Brown
  • “If they can’t handle celebrating each other, just be guests at the wedding.” – Christa Innis
  • “Pent-up anger doesn’t mix well with a bridal party; it’s a recipe for disaster.” – Christa Innis
  • “It’s not about the diamond or the dress, it’s about who makes you feel supported.” – Christa Innis
  • “Don’t hold resentment on your wedding day. Life’s too short for that.” – Christa Innis
  • “Sometimes, cutting ties temporarily is the healthiest choice for both sides.” – Christa Innis
  • “Not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Lucette

Lucette Brown is a marketing professional with over 15 years of experience in the industry, focusing on digital and interactive channels. She has worked with senior staff members to achieve record sales, company growth, and strategic objectives. Lucette has extensive experience in wedding and event planning, which she translates into creative content through her TikTok and Instagram account. She also has training from Second City and iO Theater in Chicago, where she developed her storytelling skills. Currently based in Australia, Lucette continues to work in marketing and create content about the wedding and events industry.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:  Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we have got a great episode for you today. Lucette Brown from Events and affairs is back and it’s well to think. She was actually my very first guest ever on the podcast, and we are coming close to a year of the podcast, which is just wild to think. The first episode came out January 23rd of this year, 2025. As I’m recording and yeah, we’re almost at a year of when it came out Les and I feel like I just talked to Issa. I mean, we see each other online all the time in chat, but um, it was so great catching up with her and we read a very wild, very long, very detailed story that I feel like you guys are gonna really get a kick out of because our opinions we’re very aligned in our opinion, but it might not be.

This response, you guys might think. So, uh, we got a lot to share, a lot of wild stories. And as always, Lou and as always, Lucette just has a lot of great stories and great opinions of per sleeve. So, without further ado, here is my interview with Lucette. Enjoy.

Christa Innis: Hi Lucette. Thanks for coming back.

Lucette Brown: No worries.

Christa Innis: I feel like it’s so funny ’cause we’ll always like start recording or we’ll start talking when we first hop on. I feel like we had a full conversation, but I’m just so happy to have you come back on. I’ve got my, yeah, thanks for

Lucette Brown: having me.

Christa Innis: Busy mom chic right now because we’re recording to match up our time zones.

You’re in Australia, which is awesome.

Lucette Brown: Yep. sunny in the afternoon here.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because you’re about you you were just saying you’re about to hit summer in Australia. Yeah, right.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Not that, I mean, I’m from Melbourne, so summer is a loose term at the moment. It’s been torrential rain. I feel like we’re still in winter, the rest of the country’s in summer, almost in summer.

Christa Innis: Oh God. is it kind of like cold and then rainy and then a little bit of warm weather? Or is it kind of just a mix?

Lucette Brown: no, Melbourne’s just all over the joint with its weather. yeah, we say that Melbourne is literally the four seasons in one day. and like, at my workplace, I’ll be chatting to my colleagues that are, you know, interstate and stuff.

They’ll be in Queensland and they just have beautiful sunshine weather. And then, you know, US people in Melbourne are just always rugged up.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You like never know what we’re gonna get.

Lucette Brown: No. But then we’ll get like, you know, two weeks of just like 40 plus degree days.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And

Lucette Brown: then we’re all just dying from the heat.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Four. Okay. So 40 degrees Celsius.

Lucette Brown: Celsius, yes.

Christa Innis: Gotta be little. What is that? 80? 80 degrees. I looked that up. 40 degrees.

Lucette Brown: I dunno if fa I think Farran has a little bit than four.

Christa Innis: Whoa. Okay. It’s really hot. Yeah, I’d be inside. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I used to be able to tolerate hot weather so much better when I was younger.

And I try not to complain now, but like, I can’t handle it as well. I get sick.

Lucette Brown: I’m not built for the heat.

Christa Innis: Ugh.

Lucette Brown: Like I’m built for, you know, Scotland Island. I’m not built further. my body is not built for the, hot climate, but

Christa Innis: Oh my. Here we are. Here we are. We just do a with. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I’ll go out with sunscreen on and I’ll come back.

Burn.

Christa Innis: Oh. So,

Lucette Brown: oh

Christa Innis: my gosh.

Lucette Brown: I need sunscreen layers and shade. Get, I’ll make good.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, that’s so funny. I know, like where I live, I’m in the suburb or I guess like the Midwest of the United States. I was like, trying to think of what suburb, and we kinda get all the seasons too. Like you never really know what you’re gonna get.

Like we’ll get cold summers and then sometimes we’ll get. We won’t get snow until like January or February. So I don’t really trust any season anymore.

Lucette Brown: No.

Christa Innis: You know what, take it day by day. We had 80. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Everyone’s like

Christa Innis: until October this year. So

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Everyone’s like, what season are you? I’m like, I don’t know.

It’s still cold.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So what’s is that In Chicago.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m not in Chicago. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but I’m like, I’m like two and a half hours from Chicago now.

Lucette Brown: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause that’s, I lived in Chicago for almost a year.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, we talked about this. That’s awesome.

That’s, you did, that’s of fun city, didn’t you?

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Second City improv, IO theater, all that kind of stuff. So I just lived in, old town.

Christa Innis: Okay. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, I was just there downtown last weekend and I haven’t had like a full day in Chicago in a long time. I met with my best friend there and no kids, no husbands, and it was just like,

Lucette Brown: oh, fun.

Our

Christa Innis: oyster. Like, what are we gonna, it was almost like we’re so used to like, momming or just having schedules that we were like, what? What do we do? What do we do?

Lucette Brown: What do we do? Well, our oyster, we can do whatever we like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It was wild.

Lucette Brown: 

From Weddings to Motherhood

Christa Innis: So for anyone that did not listen to your previous episode that you were on, you kind of done a little bit of everything.

I know you did events as well. Can you just give a little rundown of who you are, what you do, what you have done, and

Lucette Brown: Yep.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Mixed bag. well, essentially I was in the. Wedding and event industry for just over 13 years. so my very first job was a very kind of mixed bag. So it was at, I suppose I can say the places, ’cause it’s not like I’m working there now.

I never know like whether you’re allowed to say, but I’m like, you could easily find it if you were just to do a quick Google search. So, my first job was at the state library, of Victoria. And that was a very kind of mixed bag of like music concerts, press releases, weddings, lots of different things.

 it became very popular, when sex in the city became big and Carrie got married, at the state library, but married, she got left at the state library, but a lot of people wanted to be like her. So it was funny, our inquiries. Went through the roof, for that. ’cause it had like the marble staircase and everything like that.

So a lot of people wanted like the sex and the city moment.

Christa Innis: So it looks like the wedding that she had, are we talking the like with big

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Where she gets left?

Christa Innis: Yes. Was that so it, I know,

Lucette Brown: uh, yeah, similar. So it’s got like the marble staircases that lead up to, like the old 1850s part of the state library and stuff.

 so like very different but also similar parts of it. but yeah, so then, you know, went to lots of different places and then, Kind of left the Melbourne City area and kind of worked at venues down, I live on the Mornington Peninsula, so, down this way. And then, yeah, just kind of really honed in and just focused on weddings.

 and then, yeah, had my daughter and tried to juggle a little, but the 14 hour days just weren’t, just, wasn’t it anymore. So I lasted until she was probably about six months and then yeah, did a bit of a career change.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a lot. Especially like when they’re so small and you’re trying to balance it all.

And like you said, 14 hour work days, that’s a lot.

Lucette Brown: Just not, just not it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So it was a bit hard to kind of, because I suppose for me, like the weddings and the clients were kind of like my babies in a sense. And then, yeah, once I kind of had a baby, I couldn’t. give them everything that I was so used to being able to give.

 so yeah, it just, it was at a crossroads and it was just kind of like, no, I need to. I need to stop this while it’s still, you know, good and, you know, ending on, on good terms and stuff. and then, yeah, just kind of pivoted. Not to say I won’t ever get back there. for now my life kind of needed to change a little bit.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m glad you were able to like, figure that out for yourself and make that change. ’cause I feel like it’s hard to have that realization. ’cause I feel like after you have a baby, it’s like your priorities change in different ways. Mm-hmm. You don’t always

Lucette Brown: expect so much.

Christa Innis: I remember like when I was pregnant talking to a friend that just had a baby who owned her business, and I was like, I don’t know how I’m gonna work and take care of a baby. No. she’s like, something clicks where like your priorities change. And then when you do have time, you’re present with them when you have free time, she’s like, you’re just very focused.

You’re like, let’s get this done while you have time.

Lucette Brown: Oh. I say, yeah, there’s no one more productive than, a mom. Like, you know, I look at like how long it used to take me to get things done at like my jobs and stuff. And now I’m just like, man, I wasted a lot of time. I know,

Christa Innis: I know. It’s funny ’cause someone was just asking me like, they’re like, what does your work week look like?

And I was like, honestly, no two weeks are the same. I said, but when I get a good two hours that I know I focus, I just like B boom, boom. Yeah. Nothing else can bother me.

Lucette Brown: You can smash a lot out.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like I used to be the person where if a text came through I had to respond right away. Now I can’t entertain a text because I know I’ll get distracted and you’ll get lost in the realms of your phone.

I’m like, if I’m into something I have to just like focus or else I get too.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or two shiny things. I’ll just be like, oh. And then I, they’ll be like, um, hello? And I’m like, oh, I’m so sorry. Circling back.

Christa Innis: Yes. like I did for this, um, invite to our Zoom call. I literal

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Well, and yeah, and me responding to your message.

Christa Innis: Wait, we, I was like,

Lucette Brown: oh, I haven’t heard from Crystal.

Christa Innis: Well, we like booked. It’s

Lucette Brown: like, that’s because I haven’t responded. That would be on me.

Christa Innis: No. But I, I looked back and I created it for Monday. So the day I sent the link, I created it for that day. And I was like, girl, what are you doing? But it’s just one of those things, like,

Lucette Brown: I was actually sitting here at 11:00 AM my time, and I was like, already. And I’m like, Hmm. And then it’s like, oh, that’s not the right time. And then you popped up and I was like, oh, well,

Christa Innis: I was like, I think I messed up the time zone. But we just figure it out. We always figure it out.

 thanks for being here.

We gotta do another, it’s okay.

Lucette Brown: It’s fun.

Wedding Stress & Boundaries 

Christa Innis: I was just thinking we gotta do another skit because I remember we did one a little after you were on the podcast and I was thinking like by the time this comes out to, I don’t know the exact date, but it might be close to a year of like your initial episode, which is wild to think.

Lucette Brown: That is wild

Christa Innis: because you were one of the first That’s nuts. Episodes in like,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: January or February.

Lucette Brown: That’s so awesome. Congratulations on getting to a year. It’s wild. That’s awesome.

Christa Innis: Thanks. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I just started. I feel like I’m still a beginner.

Lucette Brown: That’s right. I feel like that’s everyone.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Just figuring out like Stay outta time, but I was like, oh wow. I think she might actually be like right around the same time as last time. Okay. Let’s get into this new segment. Actually, let’s do unpopular opinions. This is a little, it’s kind of a similar segment, but these are gonna be popular, unpopular relationship and drama takes.

So share thoughts on these that people send. Long engagements aren’t a red flag. They’re financially smart.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I mean, technically my husband and I are still engaged because we never got married.

Christa Innis: Oh, there you go.

Lucette Brown: Like legally We got married overseas. so Oh,

Christa Innis: you had a destination wedding?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: like a certificate, a marriage certificate?

Lucette Brown: yeah. So you are supposed to, so if you get married in a.

Like a different country. You can get married legally in that country, but you always still have to get married legally in your country.

Christa Innis: Oh.

Lucette Brown: And you still gotta fill out all the paperwork we never did it. so we got married in 2019, so right before, you know, the whole world changed Uhhuh and it just, yeah.

We never, I chatting to people who did destination weddings, everyone was like, do the paperwork first because you just, you won’t do it afterwards. And I’m like, yeah, it doesn’t really bother me. Whatever. Like, we’ll do it if we do it. And Yeah. No, I even had, at my job, I would have celebrates be like, I will come to your house and we will just do it.

Like, it’ll be easy and simple. And I’m like, yeah, we’ll get to it. it was just, I’m like, yeah, but then I gotta get witnesses. I got people around and like at that stage. Especially being in Melbourne, we were in and out of stage four lockdowns. Oh my. Which, unless you’re from Melbourne, you don’t understand what that means, which you should be very thankful.

 but yeah, so it was just, yeah. So technically we’re still engaged

Christa Innis: and yeah. In the country you reside, you’re still engaged, but where’d you get married?

Lucette Brown: Bali.

Christa Innis: Bali. So if you go there, you’re still legally married?

Lucette Brown: No, we also didn’t get legally married there either.

Christa Innis: So you’re just,

Lucette Brown: we just had a party. one of my best mates, married us. and like in Australia it’s very different. It’s not like America where you can kind of just get like ordained online. You’ve gotta do like a full course. Mm-hmm. And it’s quite a lengthy process to be able to legally marry people in Australia.

 and it’s quite expensive, so. Yeah. No, one of my mates just married us.

Christa Innis: I love it. But you know what, it’s like you guys did a party and an event that you really enjoyed, like for yourself ultimately. And that’s,

Lucette Brown: yeah, that’s all we kind of wanted. We just wanted the big party.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think with you probably working in stuff and weddings, you’re like, I know exactly what I want.

I’m not gonna cater to other people. This is gonna be our event. And I feel like you said last

Lucette Brown: well, and two, I didn’t wanna get married. Here because I can’t, I knew all of the suppliers, like the venues and stuff, and to me, especially like being like a people pleaser, I couldn’t bear the thought of being like, oh, well I picked you and I didn’t pick you, and Oh wow.

You know? Sorry. I had so many beautiful relationships with so many people, the thought of having to like, choose, I was just like, nah, too high basket. I’m just going to go to a different country.

Christa Innis: That is such a good point. That’s like,

 if all your friends were, I mean, I don’t even know, like a dress designer or something, you know, like if you work with someone so close, then you’re like, I can’t, then they’re clearly, clearly gonna know who my favorite is or, you know, something

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Like that. You’re like, I can’t. Yeah, that’s a really good point. I didn’t think about that.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, so the only, like, we flew over the catering and then I flew over the musician. and then that was kind of it. Everyone else was. Supplies over there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Wow. That’s a great point though about the long engagements.

Like when anytime I post like anything about like people waiting a while to get engaged or people waiting while to get married, people have so many opinions about it and I’m like, every situation is completely different. Oh, a hundred percent are different. It’s just like I don’t get how people can get so up in arms about like, ‘ cause like my husband and I are like the opposite.

We’re, I dunno if it’s the opposite, but like we dated a long time before we got engaged. Like we were together or six years before we got engaged. We always knew we were going to, but like I was 23 when I met him, so I was like, I don’t wanna get married anytime soon.

if I do skits or people get married or like get engaged after like a long time, they’re like, red flag, red flag.

And I’m like, that’s not always the case. Like I know people that started dating 16, like give people a break.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Literally. Well I think, yeah, my partner and I. We’ve been together 14 years now. We’ve been married for six. So we got engaged after eight years.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And yeah.

Christa Innis: doesn’t determine like your strength as a couple.

Lucette Brown: No. we had a lot of strong opinions. I think people have just accepted it now ’cause it’s been six years and they’re like, yeah, whatever. but we had a lot of strong opinions when people found out we weren’t legally married.

Christa Innis: Really?

Lucette Brown: And people were like, so what did we go to? we went to our wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And people were like, well, no we didn’t. You’re not legally married. And we’re like, we are like,

Christa Innis: well, and it’s like for us, like how many couples have you followed up with that you’ve been to their wedding to be like, did you file the paperwork? Like no one. I know I didn’t.

Lucette Brown: No, it’s only came out because obviously we got married internationally.

So people were like, oh, how does that work? And then, you know, it’ll obviously come up. And then, yeah. Some people, especially like, you know, the older. The older generations in that were kind of a bit, yeah. Got real funny about it. And especially ’cause, you know, they had to fly to another country and stuff.

And we were like, yeah, how awesome is it that we all got to fly to Bali and we all got to have this amazing holiday all together. Like, when else are we ever gonna do that? And how awesome it is that we got to have this huge party.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like let’s focus on the positives people.

Christa Innis: Like why, why are we complaining about that?

Lucette Brown: Why are you complaining? Like I think that’s a crazy thing.

Christa Innis: That’s an amazing

Lucette Brown: trip. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I wanna

Lucette Brown: call. We had an amazing holiday. None like that whole group of people will never be in Bali together probably again.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So, yeah.

Lucette Brown: but we had a lot of, a lot of strong opinions on that.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting.

But really nothing surprises me anymore. People just have a lot of opinions about

Lucette Brown: people have opinions on everything.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. This one says. not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.

Lucette Brown: A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Straight down the middle with that. Get rid of the toxicity. Get rid of the toxic family members.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I think like 10 years ago, me would’ve been like, oh no. Like you have to have them now. Uh, no. I just don’t have the space all time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say that it’s not worth it. One of the benefits of like not getting in my own personal, I’m not saying it didn’t work for some people getting married young, but for me personally, if I would’ve gotten married really young, like when I first met my now husband, I feel like I would’ve been such a people placer.

Like, yeah, okay. Yeah. And like invite every friend or every person I ever had like a hangout with, you know?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I would’ve had way too many bridesmaids that maybe weren’t super close or great friends just ’cause I was like, I don’t wanna leave anybody out, but. Getting married when I did, I was more like, no, this is what I want.

I haven’t talked to that person in a couple years. They’ve never reached out. You know, we’re not gonna invite. Not

Lucette Brown: worth it.

Christa Innis: Just,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: Easier a little bit.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: All right, last one. The real red flag is how someone might handle wedding stress. Us.

Lucette Brown: I don’t know because I’ve seen like the most beautiful people as like my clients and stuff who have been like so nice and so lovely, and then come to like, the week of their wedding. Like it’s just like someone else goes over them, like the stress gets to them and stuff, and it’s just.

Yeah. I don’t know. So I think people handle stress different.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And I don’t know necessarily whether that’s a red flag or not. Maybe just something they need to personally work on.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I

Lucette Brown: know. Something that, you know, we can overcome.

Christa Innis: Right. I know you would hope, like if, you know, you’re like high strung around stress or like stressful situations make you act a certain way.

Like you have like a support group around you. Yeah. And my thing is just don’t be mean to people when you’re stressed. No.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s the same for like the quote unquote, like Karen’s or something. No offense to anyone named Karen that’s listening, but it’s like those videos where they’re like stressed ’cause like their food came out wrong or you know, something like dumb like that and they freak out on someone, helping them.

That’s what I don’t have sympathy for. if you’re gonna be rude or mean to someone just because you are stressed or you’re going, or like you’re late so you’re like honking your horn at somebody like

Lucette Brown: mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Take a breather.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: You can still be nice. And

yeah,

Lucette Brown: and I think that was, the time again, like COVID hit and stuff and in Melbourne we had to cancel all of our weddings and stuff.

And being on the end of that and having to call all of the couples, like people who literally were having weddings in two days. And I was just like, yeah, your wedding’s not going ahead. Oh my God. and like some of the people were so beautiful. Like you’ve literally called them, they have been planning this wedding for, God knows how long their wedding is supposed to be happening in two days and like now it’s not happening.

And not only that, I don’t know when it can happen because the problem we had is obviously like you’re canceling all these people, but like we’re already booked up for, two, three years. So then you are having like. The COVID backlog trying to deal with that and stuff. And that was probably like how people handled that situation.

 I still remember the people who got and like, rightfully so like, yeah, okay. Get angry, but like, they would get like horrendously angry like at me and I’m like, I’m not the one putting, putting us, you know, this isn’t, it’s not my personal fault.

I’m just having to relay the information.

Yeah. I’m not, not me. I’m just relaying just relaying the information.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Um, so yeah, that was probably, ’cause you know, like who in their wildest dreams would’ve ever thought that was ever gonna be something that Right. We would have to deal with. and then yeah, having to make those phone calls. and then yeah, seeing how people dealt with that.

It was like, yeah, like very beautiful humans that were just okay. It is what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like it sucks and I’ll cry about it, but can’t change it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Whereas some people are like, no, I’m getting married. I’m like, no, I’m sorry, but no, you’re not.

Christa Innis: Sorry.

Lucette Brown: Fuck. I hate to break it to you, but

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Uh, no, it’s not happening.

Christa Innis: That has to be a really stressful phone call for you to make. I feel like especially you’re saying you’re a people pleaser or like have that tendencies, like,

Lucette Brown: oh, anxiety just,

Christa Innis: oh, I already hate the phone. So doing that, knowing you’re telling them something bad that’s,

Lucette Brown: oh, it was. And like, I think they knew, ’cause obviously like there were press releases at the time and, it was being announced that this was happening.

 you would know you were about to get the phone call, but yeah. And then you’d just be on the other end and sometimes you’re just listening to like just sobbing and you’re just like, okay, well I’ve got about a hundred more of these phone calls to make, so bye.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’m sure by the last one you’re just like, I’m sorry, this is it.

Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m done.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: I’m

Christa Innis: done. Oh my gosh. Gosh. That was like,

Lucette Brown: I was trying to like pass it on to like my colleagues and stuff, but because like I was the manager in that, they’re like, Nope, that’s a you problem. I’m like, yep, fair enough.

Christa Innis: Got it.

Lucette Brown: Fair enough. I’d do the same thing too. Gosh,

Christa Innis: gosh. That like reminds me of I feel like some of the most stressful calls I had to make was when I used to work for a gym.

I worked in like the corporate office. So like I was not in the gym, did not work with the clients, but every once in a while I had people calling the corporate office complaining about like a membership thing. Like maybe they didn’t cancel in time had to be like, sorry, it’s in your contract, blah, blah, blah.

Like I don’t even remember the term, but I had people scream at me on the phone. I was like, I did not sign you up for this contract. I am literally in the corporate office. And then I. This lady,

Lucette Brown: I didn’t write the contracts.

Christa Innis: I was like, I don’t agree with it either, but I’m really relaying the iteration, like it was a terrible, toxic job.

Hated it. but I remember this one time, I was already having like a rough day. Like the boss was terrible. he yelled at me for just having a bad day. Like he literally, so I was already having a bad day. This lady is screaming at me on the phone and I just started crying and the lady was like, okay, you know what?

I’m,

Lucette Brown: I’m, I’ll keep my contract. Thank you. Sorry. Signed me up for another 12 months. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: No, she literally did was like, okay, sorry sweetie. I didn’t make fina make you cry. And I was like, it’s just been a rough day. Gosh.

Lucette Brown: Like people forget, like the people you’re abusing are humans and like a lot of the times the people you’re abusing don’t have the power to change anything.

Yeah. Like,

Christa Innis: like,

Lucette Brown: and like the 16 year olds behind the coffee counter, and they’re just like. Here’s your coffee.

Christa Innis: You’re like, dude, I work, like I work here after school. Like I, yeah. Doing what I can. I cannot make any changes.

Lucette Brown: No.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Dunno why you’re abusing me, but thanks.

Christa Innis: Yeah, thanks. Oh my gosh, it’s wild.

Last-Minute Saves & Meltdowns

Okay, before we get to this week’s wild story, I wanna do a quick, little quick, might be redundant, but a rapid fire event planning edition. So I’m gonna ask a random question and we’re just gonna try to be as quick as possible. Okay. You ready? No pressure. I’m saying like high stress moments

Lucette Brown: first that pops into my head.

Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s one vendor? Red flag?

Lucette Brown: Not being flexible.

Christa Innis: Ooh. What’s a client

Lucette Brown: like? Their way or the highway?

Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s a client? Red flag

Lucette Brown: Entitlement.

Christa Innis: Hmm. Funniest guest request you’ve ever gotten?

Lucette Brown: Oh God. I know this is supposed to be a quick fire and this is not quick fire.

Christa Innis: If you can’t think of one, it’s okay to like pass to

Lucette Brown: No, it’s more, I’m trying to think of like, what would be the top, like we’ve had people request to do, magic shows, comedy acts, dances. We had people, there’s always a people who request to sing and they can’t sing.

And I’m always asking why.

Christa Innis: Oh, do they try to do it behind the bride and groom’s back, like out as a surprise?

Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. As a surprise.

Christa Innis: Oh. How do you work that out? Do you have to like ask the bride and groom for permission?

Lucette Brown: it depends on the client. Like, because you, you know, you’re spending up to two years with these people, so you really do get to know them on like a personal level.

Yeah. Um, and yeah, it would depend on the couple, whether I would be like, oh, they would love that, or no, let’s maybe think of a different situation where that might work. maybe not at their wedding. but yeah,

Christa Innis: that’s,

Lucette Brown: wow. So it’s the people who can’t sing,

Christa Innis: I

Lucette Brown: just, they’re like, I’ll sing.

Christa Innis: They’re like, for my first act, I’ll be singing at their reception right in front of them.

I’m

Lucette Brown: gonna start singing.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I just read a story where a mother, yeah, I was a bride’s mom. Planned this whole thing, like took over the whole wedding and then sang for like, I wanna say it was like 30 minutes for like everybody. And there was like nothing they could do. The bride didn’t want it, but like she was the one that booked everything.

Did everything. So she made it like her event, and they were like,

Lucette Brown: see, we have had those scenarios before where I have literally just pulled the plug

Christa Innis: Really?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my.

Lucette Brown: And I’ve done it on a DJ before too.

Christa Innis: A dj. What’d the DJ do?

Lucette Brown: They were singing when they went to, they were singing? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Why was the DJ singing?

Lucette Brown: Just felt like it felt moved by the music. And I looked at the, I looked at the couple and like, she’s just like looking at me and I’m like, is this like, I walked up to her and I was like, is this supposed to happen? She’s like, no. And I’m like, is this part of the service? And she goes, no, I don’t want them to be singing.

I’m like, oh, okay. And I like tried to like in between, I was like, okay. I love that you are trying to add a different level to this wedding. Like, fantastic. Um, but could we not, like, could we just stick to DJing? That would be great, but they just wouldn’t listen. and then it like gets to the point where it’s just like, yeah, okay, you’re being paid for a service.

You are not listening to me now.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: I’m done. So I just pulled the microphone and I’m like, put your DJ music back on please. And just walked away. That is

Christa Innis: wild. To be like, because

Lucette Brown: I was like, whatever. I was like, I’ll be the bad guy. that’s fine. The couple are here to, you know, this is their wedding day.

 and then yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my

Lucette Brown: God. Safe to say that they weren’t exactly Welcome back at the venue.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s wild. To just start singing as the dj.

Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Like, oh, I

Lucette Brown: can s better than,

Christa Innis: uh, Whitney Houston over here. Just lemme

Lucette Brown: know. Yeah. Felt moved by the music and just whipped out a microphone and started singing.

Christa Innis: Wow. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it all. Let’s see. best last minute save. You’ve pulled off.

Lucette Brown: Ooh,

Christa Innis: I know these, some, these are like hard and like detailed.

Lucette Brown: Probably the one that probably comes to mind was ages ago. and it was at the state library and how it works is like the whole place is on like four blocks, in the Melbourne CBD and we had a huge power outage, but only half of the library was part of the power outage.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: And we had this huge, corporate event, which was this huge like launch for, I won’t say the client, but huge like product launch, all that kind of stuff. And it was happening in like an hour. I was on the phone and unfortunately, like they couldn’t say.

When we were getting power. ’cause obviously we are very low on the list, for when people get their power back and stuff. And they couldn’t give us a time estimate. So we had to completely relocate to a completely different, area in the library. And then with no power. Like with no power.

We had no lifts and we were trying to get ovens and stuff up, the mumble staircases and stuff, and we had to use ramps and it was just like pulling out every trick in the book Oh my To pull the event off. And literally as the event, it all got pulled together as the guests were arriving.

Christa Innis: Whoa.

So just in the naked time?

Lucette Brown: Just in naked time.

Christa Innis: Wow.

Lucette Brown: So that was like, I was what, I think it was like when all this was happening. So you put

Christa Innis: like, fresh in like,

Lucette Brown: yeah, fresh in thinking on my toast. I do remember like pushing ovens up on like planks of wood trying to get like, not, not oh HNS, you gotta get what you gotta get done.

So that was probably the best last minute save off the top of my head.

Christa Innis: That’s wild. That’s a good example. have you ever had to hide a meltdown from a client?

Lucette Brown: A lot,

Christa Innis: 

Lucette Brown: Too many to count. So many, so many meltdowns from family members, even like meltdowns from brides who didn’t want their guests to see.

 but yeah, the most recent venue I worked at, we had like a little kind of like cottage, which we could put people in. but yes, we would have to move a lot or like, not just meltdowns, just like. Family who’ve gotten too heated and we’re like, okay, we need to separate you guys. and then, yeah,

Christa Innis: it’s like a whole,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

That would happen more often than not. Oh

Christa Innis: my gosh. It’s wild.

Lucette Brown: Weddings, place of love.

Christa Innis: Nice. It’s like a high stress, like any kind of issue or problem gets all just brought to the surface and

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And we would have so many too during the ceremony, and especially come like summertime and you’ve got a ceremony outside and if it’s, you know, a ridiculously hot day and you’ve had people who haven’t eaten and they’ve just been drinking and they haven’t necessarily drunk water, like people just like passing out during the ceremony.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Lucette Brown: So that would happen a bit as well.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Lucette Brown: It would go too hard on the pre-drinks.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure that’s pretty common. I’ve seen it happen at a lot of weddings.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: they run wild, you know. Yeah. Bars are open, drinks are flowing. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: this is before our bra even opened.

This is like their own, their own bars been opened

Christa Innis: right. To the hotel or something. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. what’s a wedding trend? You’re over?

Lucette Brown: Hmm.

God

probably, it might be, but wedding favors like Ardi.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s a

Lucette Brown: lot. I just think it’s the price per head is just astronomical these days. I don’t think you also need to be buying your guest a present, which just gets left.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve seen some really cool favors and they’re fun, but I feel like for the most part, they get left behind or

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: Just kinda like, don’t care about them. There’s certain people and I feel like it’s, maybe it’s ’cause it’s like, I love crafts and I love like little trinkets. So for me it’s like, oh, like I remember this from my friend’s wedding. But I would say majority of people are just kind of like, okay. Or they like leave them behind.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. and two, the amount of it would get to the point where you’d be like, towards the end of the wedding season and the staff were even like, I can’t take any more wedding papers home. Like, and the couples would be like, please, like, we don’t want them. And the staff are like, I don’t want them either.

Christa Innis: I don’t need another bottle opener or a cozy,

Lucette Brown: no, I don’t need another, stubby holder. I don’t need another, you know, so many things that people would have. I’m like, I just, we are good. Thank you. Of like a couple that you don’t really actually know.

Christa Innis: okay. we were talking before we started about different phrases from different countries and

Lucette Brown: Oh God, it’s stubby holder, isn’t

Christa Innis: it?

Stubby holder. So the only reason I know what that is now is because someone submitted a, I wanna say it was a story to me. I couldn’t remember if it was an unpopular opinion of a story. And I was reading, I was like, stubby holder, I gotta look that up. and I was like, oh, okay. Because we call ’em like beer coozies.

I’m thinking that’s what, ah, it like, it goes with a beer bottle.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. It’s a sleeve. It’s like an insulated sleeve that you can hold your cold beer.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And

Lucette Brown: yeah, a stubby holder.

Christa Innis: That sounds so much better than a coat. Cozy. I dunno. I

Lucette Brown: know. Cozy sounds cute though. Stubby holders just like, yeah.

I don’t know. That’s Aussie slang for you.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Stubby. Stubby holder.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I

Lucette Brown: Beer.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that used to be a very common, the last couple weddings I went to, I got like. I did get a cool, like beer, gosh, now I don’t know the term of it. Like kinda an old fashioned like beer mug, which was kind of cool.

Lucette Brown: Ah, yeah. In

Christa Innis: one wedding. I don’t know. I’d been so long since I’ve been like at a wedding as a guest. I just helped with a wedding like over the summer. I don’t remember what the beavers were. I don’t remember.

Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m very excited. We were about to go, oh, we

Christa Innis: did a flower bar.

They did a flower bar.

Lucette Brown: A flower bar. Oh yes. We used have the, yeah. Grand flowers and stuff. Yep.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: we had a few we had a lot of flower bars. I’m about to go to a wedding in about two weeks of one of the colleagues that I used to work with at

Christa Innis: Oh, fun.

Lucette Brown: The most recent wedding place I worked at.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s fun. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So that’ll be fun.

Christa Innis: Have you,

Lucette Brown: it’s always weird been on the other side.

Christa Innis: Yeah. To Do you think you like notice more things than like,

Lucette Brown: oh, a hundred percent. I try not to, and like I try to like switch it off and stuff. And I remember I was at one of my best friend’s wedding just recently and I was there and like I knew like the celebrate and everything, like we were chatting and stuff and you know, I was like, oh, like, you know, what can I do and everything.

And they kept going, just stop, go and enjoy yourself. And I’m like, okay,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Lucette Brown: sorry, forgot.

Christa Innis: You know, I had that problem for the longest time where I would be like. A guest invited to the wedding, not in the wedding party, but I would find some way to like help. Not like I was like overbearing and being like, look, no,

Lucette Brown: like I’m just like, yeah, like what can I do?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I’d be like texting the friend and being like, Hey, can’t wait for your wedding. I’m so excited. If you need anything, let me know. And they’d be like, oh. And I’d be like, just chatting with them. I’d be like, do you need help with that? Because there’ve been a few weddings where I’d be talking to the bride just like a friend of mine they’d be like really stressed about stuff.

And I was like, girl, what can I do to help? So I’d like go over there and help. And they’d be like,

Lucette Brown: yeah,

Christa Innis: why are my bridesmaids not even helping and you’re helping? I’m like, I don’t know. I just like enjoy doing it. My husband’s like, how’d you get involved again? And I’m like, I don’t know. I like doing stuff like that.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, just what happens.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: It’s just part of it. That was, now that my daughter is in kindergarten and she’s just started and like my husband was like. whatever you do, like please don’t, please don’t join the committee. And I’m like, no. Like I don’t have time to be on the committee. Like it’s all fine.

And then last year I went to like the big A GM that they had and I thought I was like signing up to create like a group WhatsApp account for like the moms and stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll do that. Like that’s fine, I’ll do that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And then one of the moms I was with was, she was like, oh congratulations, you’re on the committee.

I’m on the what now? And she’s like, you just signed up for the committee? And I’m like, no, I signed up to create a WhatsApp group. And she goes, yeah, that’s on the committee. I’m like,

Christa Innis: you are

Lucette Brown: part of, okay great. flash. And I was telling like when I was with all my friends, like, ’cause we’ve been friends for like 20 plus years now, and I was saying, you know, like I’m not being on the committee.

Like it’s not happening. And one of my mates, he’s like, doll. You’ll be president of the committee. Like before I know it and I’m like, no I won’t. Like no, I don’t have time. Flash forward to now and I am now the president of the committee.

Christa Innis: Oh my Lucy. You’re like Al, I just made time. I figured it out. Wait, what’s time? It went from you? What’s his?

Lucette Brown: Aries.

Christa Innis: Aries. Oh, Aries get stuff done. They really do.

Lucette Brown: Okay. Well it went from being the WhatsApp group to then being the fundraising person and like doing all the events and stuff. And then now I’m, yeah, the president.

Christa Innis: Oh my. You’re like, who me? don’t know.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I was like, no, I don’t have time. And they’re like, all my friends who like know me more than me are like, please, yes you will be. You will be on that. You will be on that committee. I’m like, no,

 I don’t have time.

Christa Innis: Love that story. That is hilarious.

Lucette Brown: So it’s fun.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You just,

Lucette Brown: we’ll make it work.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like what we were talking about before, I don’t now, I don’t remember if this was when we were recording or not, but it’s like that mom thing we were talking about where it’s like all of a sudden you just make it happen.

Like you’re like, I got two hours. what normally would’ve maybe taken me 10, eight to 10 hours I will get done in. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I’ll get it done.

Christa Innis: Who knows when my daughter will wake up, who knows when she’ll get home, you know, whatever it is. I’m gonna make this time count.

Lucette Brown: happen.

Christa Innis: You’re gonna,

Lucette Brown: it’s a lot of hours in a day.

Christa Innis: There’s so many hours in the day and

Lucette Brown: you don’t need sleep. Sleep’s overrated.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. It’s

Lucette Brown: fine.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You’re telling me, I’m like, that’s why I was telling you, the second I lay down with my daughter, I’m out because I refuse to nap. I don’t like napping. ’cause it makes me feel like I have so much to do.

 I gotta get stuff done. I’ve been this way since like high school, college. I just could not nap. And so, especially now that I’m like. Six hours of sleep every night about if I lay down to sleep. I’ve still not caught up from like when she was a baby, baby. And you get like hours. Oh yeah. God, no.

Lucette Brown: those years are gone.

Christa Innis: Those are gone. I feel like my body’s just always ready, like it’s always fall asleep.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: So I don’t

Lucette Brown: know. That was, I was reading somewhere and someone said, it was like, it takes four hours to like recoup like one hour of miss sleep. And I was like, I’m done. I’m never recouping those hours that I lost.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Lucette Brown: That’s

Christa Innis: no for like any new moms listening, this is what I did. And maybe it was like a little d Lulu, but this is what helped me when I would wake up in the middle of the night to like nurse her or just like, you know, if we had to change a diaper, whatever it was.

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: I refused to look at the clock.

I didn’t wanna know what Yeah. It was,

Lucette Brown: no,

Christa Innis: I had to do the

Lucette Brown: same

Christa Innis: so much. ’cause I would like. Not know how tired I was the next morning. Like I’d be like, I’m just gonna drink my coffee and carry on it’s morning.

Lucette Brown: Yeah,

Christa Innis: whatever

Lucette Brown: that was the best thing that I did too. Especially ’cause I had a saying, like, when you’re waking up to like, breastfeed them and everything and you’re just like, oh my god.

And you’re looking at the clock and you’re like, I have been up like six times already. And then it’s just like, you just need to like

Christa Innis: shut it

Lucette Brown: off. Like my husband, like, Hey man, how many times did she wake up? I’m like, dunno, don’t care.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: let’s move on.

Christa Innis: She’s good. The job was done. Check.

Lucette Brown: It is good.

 I was a good cow last night.

Let’s move on.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Lucette Brown: let’s

When Sisterly Support Turns Competitive

Christa Innis: Hundred percent. All good cow. Oh my gosh. All right, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. As always, names are changed and here we go. Feel free to stop me at any point, or we’ll just react. All right. My older sister, Rachel, was married before me, but her marriage only lasted two months when she was, hold on.

I have to stop something really quick.

Lucette Brown: you not change the names?

Christa Innis: No. I’ll take, I’ll take this out, this started just like a story I just read, so I was like, I wanna make sure it’s not the exact thing. So

Lucette Brown: the same one.

Christa Innis: Wait, I swear I’ve read this. Okay. Hold on. Let me just pause this. I’m so sorry. And we are back. Okay.

Lucette Brown: Like nothing happened.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like nothing happened. What do we even, okay. Here is the blind reaction of the week. All the names have been changed. Okay. I 20 5:00 AM getting married to Dee 28 male. We’ve been together since 2022.

Started hanging out, spending the night more often than not. Moved in about nine months into the relationship and have been inseparable since. We don’t fight. We have so much fun together and we are genuinely in love. We both lived life as single people before, not as people who can’t be single, which I think is a huge red flag.

It just reassures us that we’re perfect for each other. Never wondering if the grass is greener or so to speak. My younger sister, C 20 F, is engaged to G 25 M. I actually went to school with G. He’s a nice guy. Was super nerdy in high school. Never went to parties, quiet but kind. And in most of my honors classes, when I found out they were dating, it felt weird.

I wasn’t sure how they met since they were not in school at the same time, and my sister wouldn’t tell us, which I thought was odd. She also wouldn’t let me follow him on Instagram. I sent a request and she told him to decline it, even though I’ve known him way longer than she has.

Once a month. Our big Italian family does Sunday dinner at my grandma’s house. When c and g started dating, he began coming too, but at every dinner or family function, they would key to themselves, whispering to each other the entire time while everyone else talked together. Super weird.

Lucette Brown: So is he married?

Christa Innis: I know. I’m like, what’s going on here? Is he hiding something from everybody?

Lucette Brown: Why can he come to family functions? But you can’t follow him on social media.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s very odd because I feel like anything that he is gonna show there would be the same. Right? Sure. Fast forward to 2024. My partner and I are thriving.

We went from renting to buying our first home. We’re both progressing in our careers. We adopted a dog. We’re building a beautiful life together. Now, my sister

Lucette Brown: I just love how this whole story, she’s like, so we’re just doing like amazing. And like everything about us is just fabulous, and we’re just really perfect people.

But my sister,

Christa Innis: there’s been a few stories that I’ve,

Lucette Brown: that in itself is a red flag.

Christa Innis: I know there’s,

Lucette Brown: I love the confidence. Love it. But you know,

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I always have to look at these stories. looking at both sides. Yeah, because I’ve gotten stories like this before where I’m like, well, I don’t actually see how your sister is being wrong.

Like, not saying this one necessarily, but

Lucette Brown: No,

Christa Innis: like, I’m like, wait, we need to look at this, but were different.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, no, I just, but I just love how Yeah. It’s just like, you know, like, we’re perfect, perfect for each other, we’re thriving, which like, they probably are, and like hats off to them, bravo.

But it’s just a very interesting way to like write a story and then be like, but my sister

Christa Innis: Yeah, but look at her.

Lucette Brown: She’s the problem.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Something wrong with that one.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. No, that’s so true because here we go.

Lucette Brown: Continue. Sorry.

Christa Innis: It says No, no, that’s a great observation. It says, now my sister and G’s situation, they still live together in G’S parents’ house.

So they horrible. They’ve been together, they’ve been together a few years now. they’re also engaged. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been together, but they live in his Parents’ house. as far as I’m being

Lucette Brown: financially responsible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, as far as I’m concerned, 25 is still really young.

Like, I don’t know. I’m

Lucette Brown: pretty sure I was still living, like me and my now husband, were still living with my mom at 25.

Christa Innis: That’s, yeah. That’s so young. We were just barely getting back Bills at 20.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. So we were trying to save for a house.

Christa Innis: Yeah. so the girl that wrote this and her sister’s fiance are the same age, but the girl that wrote this, her partner is 28, so a few years older and her sister is younger.

Yeah. So I think it’s that like older sister thing.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But like at the same time, like they’re not. her partner’s almost closer to 30 while she’s like early twenties. So I don’t know where I do feel. Yeah,

Lucette Brown: see maybe it’s younger sister and me that’s coming out and I’m like, hang on a second.

Christa Innis: Same. I’m the younger sister too, so I’m like,

Lucette Brown: alright sister,

Christa Innis: slow your rock.

Lucette Brown: Dial it back a not,

Christa Innis: it says, oh, she had an ad in his childhood bedroom. Okay. His two older siblings also live there with their significant others, which somehow normalizes it for them. Neither C nor G has ever lived on their own.

 which again, I think they’re pretty young. Especially like the Sister’s 20. I don’t, that’s pretty young. My sister has never had a job. Okay. In high school. She was a total home buddy. She’d even have us bring her food to go instead of coming to family dinners. My dad, I feel like there’s a lot of tension going on here, so she’s gonna mm-hmm.

Everything that annoys her, which I get my dad would make her come sometimes just to get outta the house. She got her license at 18, which might be the most adult things she’s done after high school. She started taking prerequisite classes at a local college, but stopped halfway through the semester, even though my parents were paying for it.

Now she’s been in cosmetology school for a while and keeps saying she’s almost done since December. Okay. When I asked what she’d do after, she said she’d work in an upscale salon we’ve all gone to for years. I told her to have a backup plan since they usually only hire Paul Mitchell graduates, but she insisted I was wrong and said so very rudely.

She still has no income and just asked my parents for money. Which they always still give. Basically, she’s at a very immature stage of life and it’s hard to talk to her about anything. Adult now for the wedding drama. Here we go. Okay. That was all the, all the background to get us ready for this. Yeah.

Before either of us were engaged, she sent a video of her and G in his yard playing with their goat. In the video, G was wearing a black rubber ring on his left hand. I texted privately asking if they got married. She snapped. It’s not a wedding band. Stupid. Oh, okay. And that was that. Then at the next family dinner, I noticed she was wearing a purple gemstone ring on her left hand.

My dad and grandma asked if I knew anything. I told them about our text. They all thought it was strange. A few weeks later, after dating for a year, my sister sent a picture in our family group chat of the ring with a yellow gemstone saying she got engaged. I honestly thought it was a joke because not to be rude, the ring looked like one of those you get out of a 25 cent machine.

My dad confirmed it was real. Oh, am

I?

Lucette Brown: Even if it was,

Christa Innis: I know, like I literally just saw a post today about this girl turned down an engagement because the ring was only $900 and this guy spent like, that’s a good chunk of money still. And she turned him down for that. And so it tried this whole debate of like.

What is acceptable? or would you say, go to this and I’m just like, if you wanna be with this person and they’re spending money on you, why does, I

Lucette Brown: couldn’t care if it was a silver with a cubic zirconia. Like,

Christa Innis: yeah, why does that matter? Does that

Lucette Brown: matter?

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I don’t get that whole thing.

 that like old fashioned, I dunno if people still do this when it’s like, it should cost six months of rent, have you before, or six months of their salary or something.

Lucette Brown: I do that these days, but people can’t even afford to put food on the tables alone. Six months to buy a ring.

Christa Innis: I wouldn’t want my partner to spend that money, be like, we could use that for so many. I could be

Lucette Brown: angry

Christa Innis: things. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like, do you know what we could have done with that money?

Christa Innis: I would legitimately be mad.

Lucette Brown: Yes. I’d be like, you can return that now. let’s go get something from, the $2 shop.

Christa Innis: Yes. And especially like you said too, like even if it was a 25 cents.

vending machine, they live, they’re saving money. They’re living at his parents’ house right now. Maybe they don’t have the funds.

Lucette Brown: She doesn’t have a job.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like

Christa Innis: so

Lucette Brown: that’s a bit responsible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, here we go. I’ll admit it. I was annoyed. I felt like I deserved to be engaged more. Not in a body way, but in a, of course

Lucette Brown: not,

Christa Innis: but because Dee and I were so established while she seemed nowhere near ready

Lucette Brown: and thriving.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is like a tale as old as time. I hate to say it like that, and I’m not trying to come down hard on this person, but like, it’s so hard to see outside the bubble and it stems from like jealousy of like, well, why is he proposing her first when we’re more established? But like, checking the boxes does not mean you’re more ready or less ready than them.

It’s

Lucette Brown: everyone has different boxes to check.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Like,

Lucette Brown: you know, I’ve got so many of my friends who will never get married ’cause it’s just not what they wanna do.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: some of them don’t wanna have kids. Some of them will never buy a house.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Ish there. Right?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it’s all completely separate.

It’s not like, yeah, all right, you bought a house so now you can have a baby. so now you this and I can do that. It’s like, no. Like they’re all separate decisions and every relationship is different how they wanna do it. Yeah. So if you have an annoyance with it, that’s between you and your partner to kind of figure out, not your sister.

Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And you know what she can always propose as well.

Christa Innis: Exactly. it’s 2025.

Lucette Brown: It’s 2025. if you wanna be engaged that badly. Wow.

Christa Innis: Take matters. Falls

Lucette Brown: in your court too.

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. So she said, still, she’s my sister and I wanted to be supportive. I texted her privately to say congratulations, and she responded nicely.

Sorry, this is long. we’re almost there. Two weeks later, Dee surprise me with a proposal on my birthday. I of course said yes and was thrilled. We called family and friends. I texted my sister a picture of my ring. A real diamond. Four and a half carrots. Hers is Mo. Oh, this reads so mean. Hers is mo, I can’t say the word Mo.

Mo. Oh,

Lucette Brown: mo. Moen

Christa Innis: Moen.

Lucette Brown: Moist

Christa Innis: Moen.

Lucette Brown: I know what you mean.

Christa Innis: I know what Mo. I know what Mo Ignite. Oh my gosh. It’s making me so mad. I can’t say it. Yeah. Ignite from Etsy though. She claims diamonds are tacky. There is nothing. Well, to be about a MOIs Aite ring from Etsy.

Lucette Brown: I was gonna say, I actually, I think there was like a light blue moise and I, which, and I was obsessed with this ring.

Loved it. Like that was actually my preferred stone. Mm-hmm. And the only reason why, when my husband was like designing the ring and stuff, he didn’t go with that was because it’s really soft and he knows how clumsy I am and I would’ve just ruined it. ’cause my rings never come off.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Lucette Brown: yeah, he knew, so he got like one of the sturdiest, really sturdy stones. but yeah, I was like, oh, like I like it. But I really like the blue one that I said, you know, the blue one Yeah. To be ungrateful. Yeah. Um, and then yeah, he was like, oh no, they’re really soft.

But yeah, it’s a beautiful gem.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I have to say, it’s funny ’cause like when we went on our honeymoon, I got a. $25 from Amazon. Like, it was like cubic zirconia because I didn’t wanna bring my real ring ’cause we were gonna be swimming and stuff, you know, we’ll get replacement ones. I got so many compliments on that ring, it was $25.

And I was like, okay. I just feel like it’s about what makes you feel good and who cares if they hundred percent quote unquote fake. Who cares? It’s what looks good for you? she didn’t reply until the next day with a single word. Congrats. That hurt. Especially after how supportive I’ve been sending one text.

Happy Bear. Making a negative comment is not really supportive.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Have you been supportive?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact, I don’t know, it just reads so like, I’m better than you because I have a full a

Lucette Brown: hundred percent

Christa Innis: spirit real diamond.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. But even like, when the whole story started. And you know, she was like, like, we’re perfect for each other.

We’re thriving, we’re this, we’re that. And it’s just like, okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. When it sounds like she doesn’t really know,

Lucette Brown: are you good people?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because

Lucette Brown: really that’s all that really matters.

Christa Innis: And to me, like it just sounds like she doesn’t really know her sister and her fiance’s relationship. Right. And it’s like,

Lucette Brown: yeah,

Christa Innis: maybe they’re just private people.

Like I know a lot of couples like that that just keep to themselves, and maybe that’s what it is. Maybe there is something more we don’t know, but like, it sounds like she doesn’t really know them, so they could be perfect for each other,

Lucette Brown: just be like, what? They’re 25? Yeah. Okay, cool. Some people don’t like know what they wanna do or like fully come into themselves until even like some people are like late thirties, early forties.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: Like,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Lucette Brown: Let ’em be.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So she says, we chose totally different wedding routes. She’s doing a fully traditional wedding and we’re eloping in Vegas, which fits us perfectly. So far, I’ve had two wedding events, one being our engagement party at a brewery in our hometown. She came to that with her fiance and it was fine.

She had two dress appointments and one bridesmaid dress appointment, all of which I’ve driven three hours away to attend despite my crazy schedule as a dance teacher, competition judge, and convention, convention, faculty member constantly flying around. When I finally made my own dress appointment between her events, she texted that she couldn’t come because she had a veil appointment.

I asked what it meant. She said she was picking up her veil. The store was only 30 minutes from me, so I asked if she could come before or after. She said no. She also had to make a payment for her venue and said it was too much driving. This just sounds like rival sisters. Yeah, and I

Lucette Brown: feel

Christa Innis: like the fact that they’re engaged at the same time is just.

A problem in general.

Lucette Brown: This is, again, this is like the toxicity that it’s just like, okay, if you guys don’t like each other, just

Christa Innis: don’t

Lucette Brown: fall. Call it. Call it what it is. your sisters, at the end of the day, you don’t have to be best friends.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I hate to say it this way, but I don’t exactly blame the younger sister for saying no.

‘ cause she probably feels the toxicity from this other sister. And she’s like, I wanna be in my wedded bliss right now. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I wanna be in my bubble.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because think about it this way, if they, if they weren’t sisters, and let’s say this was a toxic friend,

Lucette Brown: you wouldn’t want, yeah. And I think that’s like, that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it?

Is that so many people are like, oh, but they’re my sister. Oh. But they’re, you know, so and so. And it’s like, yeah, but a toxic person is still a toxic person.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: And if they make you feel small and they don’t make you feel good.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, and obviously we’re reading between the lines. We don’t know either, but just seems very like we’re so much better.

And then they kind of suck. They’re awkward, they’re weird.

That’s the way I’m reading.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: maybe I’m reading it wrong. And you can

Lucette Brown: Well, it’s also how it’s been written, right? Like you can only read the words that are there.

Christa Innis: True.

Lucette Brown: So

Christa Innis: yeah, I reminded her that I’ve been driving twice that to support her, but she snapped.

I’m getting married too. At that point. I told her not to worry about it. I didn’t want her energy At my appointment. Later, my mom found out and told my sister it was messed up not to go, which made my sister mad at me again for telling my mom. Two days later, my sister texted saying her venue rescheduled her payment so she could come if I still wanted her to.

I didn’t reply and she didn’t come. That hurt even more because I didn’t, but she

Lucette Brown: didn’t reply.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, what?

Lucette Brown: It’s like they’re both playing the same game and it’s like

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: No one’s gonna win in this scenario.

Christa Innis: No.

Lucette Brown: Like,

Christa Innis: you need like,

Lucette Brown: like you’re both

Christa Innis: a four.

Lucette Brown: I’d say they’re both at fault. Like they’re both, you know, without kind of knowing anything about it.

But yeah, I would just be like, you both. Yeah.

Christa Innis: they’re off. They need like the full, like reset because it’s that thing where it’s like they both wanna be the victim. They both wanna be upset. Like, we’ve all been there, it’s

Lucette Brown: both their wedding, they’re in their limelight and it’s like, well, nothing’s gonna get accomplished while you both think that way.

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. So she said that her even more because I knew the reschedule story was a lie. No venue suddenly books a wedding two weeks out at the appointment. My mom, who decided to pay for my dress after realizing how much she was spending on my sister mentioned to her on the phone that I found my dress.

My sister never texted, called or asked to see a photo, nothing. The following weekend was her bridesmaid dress appointment. I tried on two dresses that I loved and she said she loved them too. Then suddenly she changed her mind and asked me to try on what I can only describe as a fat girl dress, what, for lack of a better term, this can, that’s problematic.

Be a real story.

Lucette Brown: I’m trying to even like, what the hell is a fat girl dress?

Christa Innis: This is what she is calling it. She goes, I’m very fit and the dress look awful. So she’s making like a fat phobic comment.

Lucette Brown: Okay.

Christa Innis: I don’t typically, there’s been few that like, someone sends me a story and I’m like, Ooh, you’re not the. Okay.

Lucette Brown: Doesn’t sound like a very nice person.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t like that yet. She suddenly claimed it was her favorite. It felt like she was trying to get a rise out of me. I told her, honestly, I didn’t like it and said, if you want it that badly, you can buy it, but I’m not paying for it.

She called me a bitch, but honestly I didn’t feel bad. She’s been acting cold since my engagement and I was over it.

Lucette Brown: She, oh, they both need to get out of each other’s bridal parties and just call it a day.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Just be guests at each other’s weddings. Oh my gosh. She eventually picked a different dress.

Not as nice as the first two, but acceptable. So I bought it and left without even saying goodbye. She still didn’t congratulate me or ask about my dress. Oh. And she’s not making me her maid of honor. Well, why would she? I

Lucette Brown: wanna make my ma of honor.

Christa Innis: I, yeah. In what world should you be? Her maid of honor.

Lucette Brown: Nice.

Christa Innis: I am like, like we need to look out family man myself a little bit and be like, okay, if I weren’t her sister and I was acting this way, or talking about her this way or treating her this way. would that be normal?

Lucette Brown: Like, they’re both like, I dunno, like she’s in the wrong and it sounds like her sister’s also in the wrong, like they just both need to just Yeah.

But you

Christa Innis: like hash it all out. And it’s hard because we’re saying, it’s like such an intense time in their life. Yeah. But there’s a lot to do, a lot going on. They’re both the brides, they already have this like, competition, so it’s like, until they really hash it out, it’s gonna be like that the whole time.

I feel like, yeah, it’s gonna be,

Lucette Brown: and it’ll be like, and this is coming from like, you know, from personal experience. Like, I remember I had someone in my bridal party who I was like, no, like I have to have them in my bridal party. Like they should be in my bridal party. And they were just problematic from the get go really.

And I look back and I’m like, I should have just. it would’ve been a blow up then, but I reckon the rest of it would’ve been fine. Rather than like, just constant little things to like the big blowout, essentially at the wedding. just get rid of it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Snippet while it’s like, while it’s happening. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like we always wanna, like, especially as people pleasers or like, we wanna like, be like, no, I still have hope. I think things are making plus like, it’s

Lucette Brown: that I think you have this, this, you know, idea and you’re like, no, it’ll be fine. Or like, they’ll come around like, they’ll be there for me on the wedding day and it’s like, no.

No.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: just cut it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If

Lucette Brown: they can. It’s coming from personal, personal experience. Cut it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If they can’t handle watching you rise or celebrating you in certain, they’re

Lucette Brown: just gonna get worse at the wedding.

Christa Innis: Not gonna happen at the wedding. It’s just not gonna happen.

Lucette Brown: Trust me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh no, I feel like you’ve got a lot of stories about that.

 

Lucette Brown: oh yeah. But no, this, this, it’s, Hmm. That’s, uh, that’s something that I,

Christa Innis: that’s after we record, after the recording’s off. so she said, okay. So her heard that she’s not the maid of honor. She’s having three bridesmaids and no maid of honor to keep it equal. that makes sense. It made she made it very clear.

I’m not picking you over my friends, but I’m also not picking my friends or, yeah. No one’s picking. I’m not picking anybody over anybody. Yeah. I don’t think you have to have your sister as your maid of honor. I, I have one sister, I, she was not my maid of honor, she was a bridesmaid. I’m much closer with my best friend.

Same for my husband. He had his brother in the wedding, but he was not his best man. And

Lucette Brown: yeah, the same with my husband.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No one took it personally and it’s fine.

Lucette Brown: move on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No rule. for mine, I asked if she wanted the role and she said no. So I asked my best friend who I’m honestly closer with anyway, so there you go.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: She also won’t be at my Vegas wedding since she’s not 21 and doesn’t have the money to go. So not only that,

Lucette Brown: okay, well, yeah,

yeah, like why would you pick a Vegas wedding if, you know she can’t come anyway? Like,

Christa Innis: yeah. Which I guess I’ve never thought about that before.

I would think a Vegas wedding. As long as it’s not, they’re not drinking. Wouldn’t they be able to go, I guess I’ve never looked into that. Never been to a Vegas wedding.

Lucette Brown: I don’t know. ’cause the laws in Australia is, once you’re 18 you can drink and drive.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: You can do everything at 18. So

Christa Innis: I know the United States is weird about all that.

It’s like you can do like

Lucette Brown: 16, 21,

Christa Innis: 21. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Find you, one could also argue that. Yeah, cool. Asia 18, here’s your car keys and here’s a beer. Have fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like it’s also problematic.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All at once, but all

Lucette Brown: at

Christa Innis: once. I think they’re so strict. I mean, I get on a tangent about this. I feel like they’re so strict about alcohol here.

I mean, it’s different per state. Like where I’m at. I’m trying to think what it’s, if you’re with a parent, you can drink at a, like, you can order a drink at a bar if you’re with a parent under 18. It’s very weird. But there’s like that little gray area though. If you’re 18 to 21, you can’t because you’re a legal adult, but you’re not old enough to drink.

Lucette Brown: To drink. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: So it doesn’t make sense.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. So that would be weird,

Christa Innis: but there’s all this like hype around drinking, so that’s why I think kids have like more issues with it because like they can drive at 16 and then they, like thisthing is over their head of like, Ooh, you can drink when you’re 21.

So they try to like, you know, sneak it on, all that stuff. But that’s a whole,

Lucette Brown: I feel like all 16 year olds are sneaking in alcohol.

Christa Innis: True. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: No matter the country.

Christa Innis: That’s probably right. Alright, so she ends it with, am I wrong for feeling hurt and upset? I’m honestly just leaving it alone and doing the bare minimum until she figures things out.

If she ever does,

Lucette Brown: I’m upset. I think you both just need to call it quits and just move on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think like if you,

Lucette Brown: I think either one of you are happy with the either like I think they’re both, yeah, I think they’re both like, oh, but she kiss’s my sister. It’s like, yeah, just make ’em your guest.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like.

Christa Innis: It sounds like it’s so far gone. I don’t wanna say it’s far gone where they can’t fix it, but I feel like there’s a lot of like pent up anger. So if it’s like they both decide that they want to move forward, they need to hash it all out and just let everything else go.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I don’t think either side, like you said, I don’t think either side’s innocent.

I think they both have like some toxicity. I don’t know if they grew up with like the competitive vibe, but that’s what I’m getting. just her phone though, the tone of how she talks about her sister is so degrading. Ah,

Lucette Brown: I was put off from the very get go.

 I don’t like where this is going.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. So it’s like, I wouldn’t say like, you’re wrong for feeling hurt. Anyone can feel hurt or

Lucette Brown: no. And your feelings are your feelings and your feelings are always valid. but I wouldn’t say that she’s in the right and the other sister’s in the wrong. I would say that they’re both probably in the wrong.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say your sister has every right to feel upset too, and I feel like you guys need to either figure it out or just keep distance for a bit. Yeah. and just remember she’s your little sister. I mean, she’s five years younger than you. be more supportive, it sounds like.

Yeah. Not very supportive. No. and you might listen to this back and be like, well, you don’t know the whole story. Tell us more. I’ll read it. I’ll try my best. But from this, it just sounds There’s like a lack of support maybe from both sides. And I feel like when you’re too far into it of just being competitive, then nothing can really

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: You’re blind.

Lucette Brown: Oh yeah. I know. I I think if yeah, you’re that, that unhappy with someone, either hash it out because you really care about the relationship and make it work or don’t, and then see if maybe time heals it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Because then neither one of them are gonna be happy if they keep doing what they’re doing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And you don’t wanna hold onto that resentment on your wedding day, either of them. So I feel like either need to figure it out before and then just really truly be supportive of them on their wedding day. And if you feel like you can’t be supportive, then step down from your role.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Thanks for coming to our TED Talk.

Wedding Speech Fails and Social Media Chaos

Christa Innis: Yes, thank you. Alright, well that was a wild story. Change of events. all right. Well. I like to end with a couple of confessions that people send me and then we will be on our way. So these are about wedding speeches. So this one says, best man was tanked and roasted the groom for 15 minutes for sucking at basketball in seventh grade.

He couldn’t get to the point,

Lucette Brown: why would you put that in a speech?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that sounds like a weird like dig at the girl.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

 

Christa Innis: oh my gosh.

Lucette Brown: It just seems like a weird thing to bring up at someone’s wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think person sometimes when people don’t know what else to say, they just think of like the most random story about the person.

 yeah.

Lucette Brown: So we have had some shocking,

Christa Innis: this last one says, maid of honor said it was weird, she wasn’t there. Marrying the best man, awkward post breakup. In her speech

Lucette Brown: again. Why would you bring this up at their wedding?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not the time or the place to turn it around and think it about you.

Lucette Brown: everyone always does though.

Not everyone, but people do. Baffles me like the day’s not about you.

Christa Innis: No. My gosh. That’s like my nightmare. All right, well thank you so much for coming on and thank you for dealing with my mom brain of like scheduling and all that and being very flexible.

Lucette Brown: Thanks for dealing with mine with responding.

Christa Innis: No, either way, I’m, glad it worked out and I’m, we gotta chat for a bit.

 

Lucette Brown: we got there in the end.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So again, where can everybody follow you, find your content and anything exciting you’re working on?

Lucette Brown: so on TikTok is events and affairs. YouTube is events and affairs, and I’ve just created a Facebook because everyone kept saying that my content was being shared on there anyway.

 so I was like, well, I might as well share my own content.

So I’ve just created a Facebook too, which is events and affairs.

Christa Innis: Oh, good. Awesome. get that verified because there’s a lot of people out there on Facebook that like to steal and,

Lucette Brown: mm.

Christa Innis: It’s creepy. ‘ cause I’m like, that’s one thing I never expected about making content is that people would pretend to be you and Yeah.

Take your profile picture and like

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Someone messaged.

Lucette Brown: It’s weird.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I don’t like,

Lucette Brown: and then like, I get all these like tags in like TikTok too, and like I’m blocked, but they’re pretending to be me. And like one time on TikTok, I literally like, ’cause I had all of these followers and it was all my content and they were literally pretending to be me and I kept trying to like report them.

And then I just put up like a video saying, Hey guys, like just FYI. This page isn’t me. It’s not me.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: I was the one that got flagged.

Christa Innis: Are you serious?

Lucette Brown: I got a strike on my account. I’m like, but I’m me. I’m me. Like, I’m me.

No it for harassment. I’m like, all I said was that. This isn’t like, literally I was, Hey guys, this isn’t me. this is a fake account. That’s if you’re following this one, it’s the wrong one. And I got a strike.

Christa Innis: That is wild. That

Lucette Brown: it’s like

Christa Innis: I made a,

Lucette Brown: so I’ve learned my lesson. Just never do it again.

Christa Innis: Just, yeah, I, I know. It’s like you just can’t even say anything because all you can do is just say like, hi, like this is my account. Like showing it. Yeah. Because I did the same thing. I just changed like my names on Facebook and other platforms and I was like, Hey guys, by the way, this is my only Facebook page.

I share this stuff. Someone reported an old work page I had, so I worked for a mommy and baby company and with that I had like a business page ’cause I would share like videos in there.

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: We reported that and removed the page, so I got notification. They’re like, oh, you’re Krista, MK, b page is gone.

I was like, that doesn’t even share wedding stuff. So I was someone like, oh,

Lucette Brown: okay.

Christa Innis: So I was like, okay guys, just so you know, like. Only report if they’re like pretending to be me and sharing wedding videos. don’t just,

Lucette Brown: yeah, because that, that actually was me.

Christa Innis: That was actually my page. I mean, it was an old job, so it doesn’t really matter, but I was just like, I get it.

You were trying to be like helpful, but it’s, well,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: Well, awesome.

Lucette Brown: So yes.

Christa Innis: Well thank you so much for coming on and

Lucette Brown: Oh, thanks for having me.

Christa Innis: That was a lot of fun.

Lucette Brown: Thanks.


Thanksgiving Special: Gratitude, Growth & Empowering Moments

What have weddings taught me after 45 episodes? More than I ever expected.

From runaway brides to mothers-in-law who weaponize place cards, this past year has been filled with stories that cracked me open, lifted me up, and changed the way I see relationships entirely. In today’s special Thanksgiving episode, I’m bringing you the most heartfelt, jaw-dropping, empowering moments from the show — the ones that made me pause, tear up, rethink, and laugh out loud. These are the stories that reminded me why I started HCTD in the first place.

Whether it’s choosing yourself, challenging tradition, or surviving the wildly unexpected, these moments will stick with you the way they stuck with me.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Check out the full featured episodes here:

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

06:47 A Wedding Day Disaster

09:45 The Role of a Professional Bridesmaid

13:25 Challenging Traditional Gender Roles in Marriage

20:06 The Importance of Valuing Stay-at-Home Moms

21:33 A Wedding Dress Fitting Gone Wrong

33:06 Starting in Wedding Fashion

33:37 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire

34:26 Queer Wedding Fashion

36:13 Wedding Planning Challenges

39:10 Marriage and Personal Timelines

51:20 A Life-Changing Event

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Real-Life Rom-Com – A wedding party meet-cute turns into a love story that proves fate sometimes shows up exactly when it should.
  • The “I Don’t Want to Do This” Bride – Minutes before walking down the aisle, a bride confesses she hates the groom… and the solution is unlike anything you’ve heard.
  • Internalized Misogyny in Marriage – A candid conversation about gender roles, cooking, and the pressure women still feel to “perform” domestic duties.
  • The Dress Fitting Disaster – My own wedding dress nightmare involving blood, chaos, and an unexpectedly emotional hug.
  • Fighting for Nontraditional Fashion – How one stylist is helping brides and grooms redefine what wedding attire should look like.
  • Listener Story: When “Next of Kin” Turns Toxic – A partner is shut out of the ICU by her boyfriend’s mother after a tragic accident — and the fallout is heartbreaking.
  • Listener Story: MIL Wedding Takeover – A mother-in-law forces half the guest list to be cut… for her tennis buddies. Yes, really.
  • Listener Story: The Pocket Money Getaway – When a bride jokes about needing “escape cash,” the truth behind the humor becomes painfully real.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.”Christa
  • “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
  • “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.”Christa
  • “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
  • “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:  Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a kind of different episode for you today as today is Thanksgiving. I kind of wanted to use this time as a little reflection back on the last year. It’s been about a year since I started prepping for and recording podcast episodes, which is just. Wild to think. I feel like I just blinked and here we are. Um, this is episode 45, which I just, I truly can’t believe, you know, when I first set out to do this podcast, my goal was to have 25,000 downloads for the whole year. And as of recording today, which is. Two weeks prior to it coming out, we have officially hit 200,000 downloads, which still just blows my mind to think about.

Um, so I just wanna say how grateful I am for this journey for you guys to listen. And it’s just been so fun to. Be able to share and chat with you guys in just a completely different way than I do in my skits. You know, a lot of times in my skits I play these characters and it’s funny ’cause people comment sometimes.

They’re like, I don’t know if like, when I were to meet you in, if I were to meet you in person, which version I would get? And hopefully none of those. Um, but. This allows me, this podcast allows me to kind of open up to you guys a little bit more, have more conversations with other people, chat about things in a different way that I don’t always get to or don’t find the time to, um, on social media. So I just appreciate you guys for. Listening for downloading, for sharing with friends, and I just feel so much gratitude today. So, um, I really wanted to take the time, you know, it being Thanksgiving, um, to just express that to you. Um, it’s been a lot of work putting this podcast together and. You know, in the beginning I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

And so being able to look now, look back now and see how far it’s come, all the amazing guests we’ve had on the show, the people I’ve met through just creating content, the messages you guys have sent me has truly just been unbelievable. And, um, I tend to get emotional when I like sit back and like let it all soak in. But I’m gonna try my best not to. I, I. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot of the times. I, I am a planner by heart. I love to organize and I love to get things, you know, where they need to be. But I move pretty fast and sometimes I just move, like with the, the, sometimes I just move with the motions. Um, meaning I don’t always put meaning, I don’t always take time to sit back and be like, whoa, what is, what is happening here?

Or, wow, this is really cool. Um, even last night I was like sitting and I’m like. I published a book that’s always been a goal of mine to publish a book and I just like, was like, okay, onto the next. And so, um. I, I was reminded by when I had, um, Lisandra Vasquez on here, she talked about how, um, it’s really good to, you know, when bad things happen, we’re taught to say this too shall pass. But she said, also, with good things, reminding yourself, this too shall pass. Meaning. To really soak it in while it’s there and to really soak it in while things are good. And just allow yourself to really feel the gratitude and to feel, um, the excitement from that part of the journey. So, I know that was a long tangent, but.

I just want you guys to know what this truly means to me. Um, it’s been so great and I have so many more exciting things coming for you both on the podcast with book number two coming out and other things up my sleeve that I cannot wait to share. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys so much for being here. And of course, happy Thanksgiving. I hope you guys have a great day with your friends, your family, and you find things to truly be grateful for. Um. So, yeah, we are doing things a little different this week. Um, as I am reflecting back on this past year, instead of a full new episode, we are gonna be sharing some segments from some of our best episodes, some shocking stories, some impactful moments, and I can’t wait for you guys to listen to ’em all. So we’re gonna, we put something fun together for you and I can’t wait to, and I can’t wait to. And I can’t wait for you to listen and enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week, and I’ll see you next time.

So without further ado, please enjoy this week’s episode.

Christa Innis: You said you have a story of how you met your husband at a wedding, so let’s get into that.

Meeting Mr. Borgert

Colleen Borgert: Okay, so I met Mr. Borgert. we were both in the same wedding party for my cousin almost 16 years ago.

And, he clocked me right away and was that’s the girl I wanna marry. So we got to the reception, danced a little bit. there was definite connection early on. We both went our own ways. the next week he called my cousin, old school, got my number, called me on the telephone. I heard this man’s voice who does that anymore?

So un heard of these days. I know. And he asked me out on a date and we have been together ever since. But yeah, he went up to my cousin who was the bride, and said, I just want you to know I’m gonna marry that girl. And

Christa Innis: oh my gosh, that’s like a romantic story.

Colleen Borgert: I know I love.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. So how is he connected to the wedding?

was he like a groomsmen or He was I guess your cousin’s husband.

Colleen Borgert: Yes, friend. He was, a longtime childhood friend of the groom. Okay. So now they get to be at family functions together and we’re like pretty our kids together. So it’s. wonderful.

Christa Innis: I love that when they’re already like connected, so there’s likeno extra introduction.

you got an in, he’s got an in. and then for you, it was a family wedding, so your family was probably already there. did he like meet your parents then at the wedding and everything?

Colleen Borgert: I don’t know if he necessarily like, them at the wedding.

Yeah. But was invested in the fun that my family can have for sure. We are in good time, so I love that. Yeah, he was there for it.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s awesome. I love that story. ’cause usually when I ask people crazy stories, they’re like, I try to not put people on the spot, but,

I love that it was like a positive good story. Yes. Because people just remember these crazy moments. That’s why I share them. But like for the most part, there are so many great wedding stories and like fun moments and wild moments about, yes.

Things hanging out. Awesome. I love that.

Professional Bridesmaid or Emotional Support Human?

So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s likeone of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. that was the first time that this has happened to me. you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because that just doesn’t seem right to me. this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and. My, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is

Christa Innis: crazy. It was crazy. like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind oflike it sounds so Crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both yeah, you know,I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So likenobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways.

And that happens. not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light.

Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it.

I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and what are your favorite parts of it all?

because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You

Christa Innis: know,

Jen Glantz: I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings.

I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this deep love for strangers and helping people. I don’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a party or wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or know, whatever it is. and I’m

not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s the relationship is I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. go through with it go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Weddings: Where Chaos Meets Champagne

Payal Desai: I’ve been thinking about how everyone really has internalized misogyny within us, especially like the way that I grew up and what I saw as in front of me modeled.

Everyone has internalized misogyny. And one way that it showed up in my marriage is that my husband loves to cook and he always has. And so when we got married, that was the role that he just naturally took. so we would meal plan together and everything, but then he would really execute the dish.

And I did not want like anyone to know about this. I did not want his parents to know, like I didn’t wanna make it a topic. I didn’t wanna tell my mom because every time it came up socially, like it made me feel like I. It made me look bad. Like I wasn’t fulfilling my duty. And there was even one time we hosted his family over and I made him tell them that I come to the lasagna and he was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Like I’ll tell them that’s okay. Like I’ll tell them that you made it. And I had not, I had assisted, I had sous chef. I was not doing it. And it still counts, but like,yeah. I was so worried about how people view traditional roles oh my gosh, I feel so

Payal Desai: seen right now.

Christa Innis: I still, yeah.

Payal Desai: It’s taken me a really long time to just now proudly be like, yeah, and it comes from women a lot of times, like women will make snide remarks and be like, he’s the one that cooks. Yes. Okay. if I bring a dish to a potluck with friends, they’ll be like, what did he make? This is my husband.

What did he make? He made a buffalo chicken dip and it’s really good. Yes. So the way, the tone in which it’s shared or like just giving him credit, I’m like, What are we doing? Like,there’s internalized misogyny in us.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s too, couples that maybe haven’t, you know, openly have that conversation of maybe the woman does everything.

They almost feel like. I don’t know the right word to say, but like, when they hear like someone’s husband does do some cooking, they’re like, oh, my husband can do that. And so it’s like an instant, like they’re angry that it’s not working out for them. ‘I’m not gonna say who, but there was someone close to me that like, when they found out my husband like cooked dinner for us one night, to their husband.

They were like, oh, you never cook for me. And it was just this like awkward moment. ’cause I was like. Okay. I don’t know. Yeah. that’s the same, my husband really enjoys cooking. And cooking for me has always been like second nature. Like I do okay if I like focus, I don’t find complete joy in it.

Payal Desai: I don’t find joy. I’ve never really found joy in it. And I think that when you are in a partnership like we’ve been talking about, like when one person has a strength and they take it on, it’s not as though he’s in the kitchen doing everything on his, I’m like, behind, I’m cleaning.

I’m sure you do dishes. I’m sure you’re like part of it because you both have to be part of it. Yeah. So I think that when people know he cooks, they just picture me laying on the couch. We have two children. Somebody’s giving them baths, like somebody’s doing something. There’s always something. My hands are never just idle,

but whenever we know that a man is taking on a very traditional role, Society is, wants to criticize that. I don’t understand it. I really don’t get it

Christa Innis: 100%. I feel like there’s so much more discourse about that now and the older generations that almost didn’t really have a choice where it was just like the man goes to work, he comes home, dinner should be ready on the table, maybe even like older.

’cause I. I don’t know. I think my parents’ generation was starting to equal a little bit, but it’s like grandparents’ generation for sure. It was like dinner on the table when you get home. Mom takes care of the kids so now that they’re seeing this conversation, people that I feel like.

It worked for them, and they’re like, why can’t the wife just be cooking? Why can’t this happen? It’s

Payal Desai: you gotta question who was it really working for? who remained extremely comfortable in the way that it was. if we wanna sit here and assume or make the, statements about how happy our grandmas were Cross culture, they were not. were oftentimes burdened without a choice. Yes. There’s not a lot of happiness in that. Okay. So you gotta just be able to critically talk about these things and not just be like, why can’t it just be like traditional?

Christa Innis: Yeah. a hundred percent.

 yeah, I don’t share a lot of my personal. Life on out here. But I’ve had two different, molds when it came to my grandparents. And like my grandmother I’m really close to, I don’t even know when it was, I was a kid when she got divorced, but she’s always taught like such independence, like she’s done everything for herself.

And I feel like I learned a lot from her. Yeah. She was like, women can do everything. Like she was an ER nurse and she’s I knew more than the doctors. Doctors would try to come in and they would try to, these men would try to tell me what I knew, and she’s I knew more than them.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you go girl. And she was like, brought a lot of that, out of me, because I’m like, yes, not she’s not traditional in that way. So I was like. Yes, we need that. That’s amazing.

Payal Desai: And rare, right? Like I’m sure for her generation that was a little rare and maybe even getting divorced was not accepted by society.

’cause it, wasn’t as common for her generation, the next generation. Yes. It became like more common Women were no longer tolerating and like joining the work for like full-time. You have two parents who are working full-time and if the domestic labor is not, if there is an equity in that, then it’s going to cause conflict as it should.

Christa Innis: Yes. definitely. Oh my gosh, I feel like we could talk about this forever. I love it. Oh my God. Yeah. I’m so like, passionate about it just because I feel like it makes such a difference in the way like. I’m able to parent because my husband’s an equal part. Mm-hmm. I feel like so many women can’t speak up about that or they’re just, we’re pushed into the role of

Payal Desai: I feel like stay-at-home moms are amazing and I think that is your passion and goal and like,do it. Yes. But so many are pushed into that role without asking if that’s what they want or if they want. More. And I know I can get on a whole topic

from that. I really could too, because I think that a stay at home mom, we need to start looking at that a literal job with duties.

And you would never be working somebody around the clock, right? Like you would never give them 24 7 tasks like they, they’re working overtime constantly. Other jobs do have boundaries. Usually, or you can put in place healthy boundaries. And I’m just reflecting on like my job as a teacher, which oftentimes can have no boundaries, but I had to really work to do that.

So you’ve gotta be with somebody who also understands what you’re doing is a service. It’s a job and you may not be getting a paycheck for it, but you’re saving your family money. Yeah. So there is, like a financial aspect of being a stay at home mom and we need to be talking about that a lot more than we do.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to be valuing it as Yeah. The full job that just talking about because, I used to work for like a mommy brand and I worked in a mom group and so many of these women were just Almost put in a spot where it’s like their husband controlled every single thing.

And so it’s like they wanted that stay at home job,  mom role, but then they weren’t able to have a certain amount of money and it’s No, we like value because. By her doing this, you’re allowed more time at work or you’re allowed more time to do this. and so yeah, that’s one of the many issues in our society right now.

Payal Desai: Yeah. Yeah,  

Christa Innis: Wait, I’m laughing because I just realized we never talked about my dress fitting. Should we talk about it?

Ivette Bracken: I just thought about that. Yes. Tell the story please.

Because I immediately thought about that.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. So I can believe I’ve never shared this before. was it my first dress fitting? No, I think it was your second. So it was to try it on. So I went into my dress fitting and I think for that one it was no ’cause

you had already been

Ivette Bracken: there before.

Christa Innis: Yeah, this was,

Ivette Bracken: yeah. So this is your second time. So I must have gone, did I go by myself? I think Jordan went with you the first time, didn’t she? And then I went with you the second time.

Christa Innis: Okay. Jordan and my mother-in-law, I think went the first time maybe.

Yeah,pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and first okay me, you and my mom pull up, or no, you are maybe behind us or something. We pull up and I called the woman and she was like, I don’t have any appointments today. And I’m like, yeah, you have an appointment. we’re outside. and she’s Nope, I’m looking at the books.

I don’t have anything. She’s can you come back? And I was like, my maid of honor and my mom or are here and they live an hour away. we can’t really just reschedule today. And she’s oh, okay, be there in 30 minutes. Can you just go to the local coffee shop?

Which ended up being really cool. That’s a great experience. It was really great ’cause it was friends theme and we’re big fans of friends around here, so that was really cute. But we go back and she’s still not there. And then she like. Quickly comes around the front lets us in. No, she doesn’t even let us in.

I think we let ourselves in. She’s in the back, doesn’t even come out to say anything. And you can just hear her back there and she’s like, yeah,be out in a second. And I was like, okay. It was like another, what, 20 minutes? Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: We were waiting for a while. Yeah. she was a grandma, right?

So she had, was it one grand baby or two? Just the one, I think one was there and she was like, toddler, she was a toddler. this woman is stressed out, sweating. I can hear like in the back, things falling down, being knocked over. I feel

Christa Innis: the

Ivette Bracken: tense, like tension? Yes.

So then she was like, what was your name? I was like, Krista. And she was like flipping through pages back there in this room in the back. And she’s like,yeah, okay, we’ve got your dress. we’ll get it on. And she comes rushing out and puts it in the room. And I like go in there by myself.

Christa Innis: I like, shut the door or did I go in there by myself? No, I can’t remember. And then I like slowly open it or something. And I was like, Eva, come here. And you’re like, what? And so you and my mom came in and I was like, there’s blood all over the dress. it wasn’t just like a couple spots, it was all over, underneath the layers.

Ivette Bracken: Like a trail of everywhere she was touching, which is the whole. Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.

Christa Innis: Yes. And I feel like she like overheard me say that and then like came back and she’s oh, it’s just a spot. And then just quickly sprayed and wiped. And I was like, internally panicking because like in that point of course, sure most things can come out, but it’s just like a kind of a weird thing to be like there’s someone else’s blood on your dress when you’re like here to try it on.

Yeah. I think she was like panicked doing it fast. Like really fast. And I was like, okay, you know what? They said something’s gonna happen wrong during your wedding planning. And I said, this is the thing. And I’m just glad it’s my dress and it’s early. I was internally panicking, but I think at that point you took the lead and you were just like, okay, what’s going on here? And you were like, just, kind, but you were very like, firm with her. Like,okay, what are we doing here? And she’s like,I don’t know. And then she held her hands up and her hands had cuts all over them, almost like she was just moving really fast.

So I think what happened is she had me down for the wrong date. And then when I called and said I was outside, she panicked and was like, I have to do this right now. Which if she just said, I forgot, I would’ve been like, don’t worry. Yes. If we

Ivette Bracken: would’ve known, like it wasn’t just, oh, I don’t have, anything booked, but it’s actually not done.

 even after that, you are so understanding. I was shocked. I saw everything happen. okay, late stress is going up. she’s. In the bath, you can feel the tension. Your stress level’s going up. Oh my gosh. Your dress, your wedding dress is covered in blood stress is like up at the top.

But then once I like talked to her, you talked to her. I think your mom too maybe. I can’t really remember, but I feel like your stress level was going down and then I feel like at the end of it, did you hug her or is that my imagination?

Christa Innis: Yeah. So you hugged

Ivette Bracken: her?

Christa Innis: I could tell she was so like embarrassed cause I feel like there’s people on the internet that like here, oh, you’re an empath, blah, blah, blah.

But like I can sense, and some people out there might agree, they might call me weird, whatever. But when there’s tension or I can tell someone’s trying to hold in. if they’re upset, I can sense it. I swear to God it’s like a sixth sense. I just felt like I believe that. Yeah. So even when she got like the spots, she got most of the spots out.

She was spraying it and then I finally tried it on, right? So I’m staying in the mirror and she’s doing her normal thing. But you can tell like she’s holding back tears. Like I could tell and this poor woman, like you could tell she does not do this normally. She kept saying, I’ve never done this before.

I’ve been in business for this long, I’ve never done this before. I’m so sorry. Kept saying sorry. we’ve all been in shitty positions where like we either forget something or we mess up something, we’re late to something. we’ve all done that. And so like I could tell even when she was looking at the dress and I was standing on the podium or whatever you wanna call it, she was like holding back tears.

And I think she felt so embarrassed. And so then when we were booking the next appointment, she was like shaking. I remember seeing her hand shake ’cause she was so embarrassed. And I go, Hey, it’s okay. I was like, it’s fine. we are good. You did a great job. And I was like, can I hug you? And I was like, I remember that.

Ivette Bracken: I don’t even know what she said, I was like teary-eyed I feel like the tears coming right now because no bride does that. just says so much about your character and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.

But no, seriously, It’s your wedding dress. Every little girl dreams about getting married and like having the perfect dress and you have a situation and at the end of it, instead of, taking your dress, going somewhere else, you’re being like, I better get this for free. none of that. It was, Hey, you did a great job.

And I remember you asked her for a hug and she was like, yes. And I saw you guys hugging and I remember looking at your mom and we were both like, just so moved by that. And it was just so sweet to see and yeah, such a good story. And when we left, there was still blood on the dress. Like you said that she cleaned it all up.

She didn’t get it all off. there was still blood on the dress. Do you remember that? A lot of spots, I think. Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think ’cause I was just like. Why, and I don’t know where this comes from, but I’m like, why make someone feel worse? she probably feels terrible right now that she like messed up or forgot or, she’s so embarrassed because I read these stories with these bridezillas and honestly, most stories that get sent to me aren’t bridezilla stories.

They’re mostly like family related, whatever. but you read them and you’re like, why make someone feel bad for a mistake or an accident or I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, I know you have two and it’s like you’ve seed stuff like that too. People are terrible to people in the service industry.

People are terrible to anyone that’s just trying to help them out. And I’m like, I would feel awful leaving knowing that she was crying because of that situation. I want her to be like, no. I’m still your customer. you’re busy. You do a great job. I obviously came to you because you were recommended by me.

I’m not gonna leave like a bad review or anything. The dress ended up looking gorgeous. I loved that dress. I still love it. there’s so many heightened emotions around weddings and I feel like it’s so easy to lose your cool. Of course, like you hear about it all the time, but you to remember like the people you’re working with are human too.

Like they’re allowed to make this. Yeah, absolutely.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I’ll never forget it. Yeah, I knew, I was like, no, she hugged her. I remember she asked for a hug,

Christa Innis: and honestly, that’s I shouldn’t say out of my character to ask someone for a hug, like a stranger. I know Something came over me and I was just like, she really needs a hug right now.

cause I just, I remember just seeing her handshake as she was like writing the next appointment and I go, Hey, it’s okay. We’re fine. yeah. Wedding day will be great. honestly. And she was like so sweet and she was like, send me pictures of the dress and, all that.

 yeah, I don’t know.

Ivette Bracken: I just, she probably went home that day to liketell her family and then she probably said how great you were. And I can’t believe it. She hugged me at the I felt so bad. And, thank God she was a good bride, like a sweet person. yeah,

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

 she was great. I mean, I feel like there’s a few groomsmen in her wedding that went to her and Bridesmaids. ’cause I was like, go to her. She’s great. She’s local for some of us and yeah, she was awesome.

Serving Looks & Shaking Up Tradition

I am Katie. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress. I got started because I got engaged and I identify as somewhere in between, female and non-binary. It just depends on the moment. and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment,

Katie Kons:  but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really into wedding dresses and I got really into the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.

And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.

‘ cause to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, on Etsy that you had to order From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.

Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.

But I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. and so I started, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s how I got into it, is I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.

 they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. And so that’s how I started is I started in wedding fashion and now I do wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.

And then I also do personal styling the side, and I do some red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than the other two things. and yeah, I do a lot of things because I just take on things that I wanna do and I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.

Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I remember. was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.

Good. Because looked like kind of dresses. So it looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was flowy. Yes. I loved it. and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.

Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding. So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind are you looking for personally or do you look for brides or couples getting married, that come to you for that kind of unique look?

Katie Kons: Yeah. So the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, actually tailors their services to the queer community.

And I think that’s important, especially in this time, day and age, when queer people are just being targeted left and right, to take a step back, I think the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but the comfort of pants,

 Like you just described, a jumpsuit is gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want but you get the, the prettiness of make a dress, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s I want the grandeur of that.

Christa Innis:  but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.

Yeah. Because

Katie Kons: they feel secure in pants.

Christa Innis: Yeah. love, and I think

Katie Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.

Yeah. But suits are just out of the fucking question for a lot of people,

yes. Especially ’cause the options for suits or Traditional man suits, which are like, fucking boxy as shit. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to corporate events.

And then there’s the other accessible suits you find out fast fashion places, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality shit that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.

And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.

Christa Innis: this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?

Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.

Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.

Christa Innis: That sounds and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to control the wedding because I see the make room like you had to, who said

Lisa P: you had to.

Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for a little while.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.

Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, I had a feeling, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.

Lisa P: I had a

Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?

Lisa P:  Yes. I knew before they got married that she did not really want to start all over is like how she put it.

I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes

Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite happened to me. and I’ve talked about this before, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.

 she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.

Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.

If there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. no. If it’s not right so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.

Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s God, what a wait.

Not a lot of waste because a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. you don’t have to get married You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s it’s just not something that, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.

Don’t do it. a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it I totally agree with you what you just said about you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.

So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel So many people have their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.

I need to have a baby. you feel like you have to follow this timeline.

Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the moment. and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two by 30 and like I did, but. now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember if it were just like my then boyfriend, but husband and I,doing our own thing.we’d be like totally fine and then someone would bring up oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?

And it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like.Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that wrong? And you start getting this no, because half

Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so Yeah.

Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. and like

Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. unhappily married for so long without actually admitting I actually hate this.

Oh, they wrong

Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.

Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: they usually choose better.

Mm-hmm.They get to choose somebody that they truly just wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like,it’s been three years since college.

Like,I guess you’re the guy.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, I feel like it saddles us down. yeah. In a.

Christa Innis:  Yeah, that’s definitely another thing as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.

My husband and I since year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.

Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different financial point in my life and I and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ‘ cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.

But I just feel like it’s so important to listen to your own timeline. ‘ cause I have friends now that are like,

Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that we were sold.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like.The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. I try to show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to open the horizons up a little bit.

Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughtershe still very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. some people just really have that desire. but she still is like,maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.

And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you both.

Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that.

Yeah.

Rebecca Rogers: going back to what you said early at the beginning, like COVID in general I think changed how I view everything, whether it be myself, whether it be, the world people, because in reality, like I’ve always been an extrovert, but I used to be much more reserved and self-conscious and social media, the classroom was really where I could be silly and be myself and just, whatever.

And then when social media accidentally took off, I learned, oh, I can be myself. And people don’t hate it. That’s cool. And that’s where I found my voice, not just with myself, but with people also. being able to step into my true skin really helped me. I. Advocate for myself, set boundaries, all be more picky about who I allowed in my life and not.

 and of course we’re all works in progress. We all have ways to go. I’m still a people pleaser. I’m still a doormat, but I’m definitely not as bad as I used to be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know, I totally agree with you. Yeah. The people pleaser the thing where I’m better at saying no. Now if something, if I like don’t have time or I just can’t do it, I still have that guilt though.

I’ll be like, are they gonna think I’m a bad person or a bad friend? And then my husband will be like, no, They literallys not a second thought. it’s okay. yeah, it’s interesting how you’re ingrained in that. But I always call myself a recovering people pleaser.

‘ cause I’m like, I’m actively working against it and telling myself exactly. But I think my like immediate filter is better at reading people now. I had a thing happen where, someone that I had met years ago, and I wanna be very vague.

Someone I had met years ago, and the time that I met her, she was not very friendly or kind. Okay. Okay. But since she had seen videos of mine on TikTok and when she bumped into me immediately asking how I could help her and was like, oh, my thing like over here and asking me all these questions, she’s I’ll send you a message on TikTok right now because I’d really like to know how I can do this.

I was at an appointment, I was somewhere and I was like, okay. And I came home and my husband, I was like, I have no intention of messaging her back. Because I could tell it was for all the wrong reasons. She Yeah, exactly. Just I felt like very used and like icky after it.

And she’s yes. So loudly so people could hear and like being like asking about personal things and I was just like, I sorry. M’s. Not interested in that. I know people are gonna be like listening and being like, Christa’s all over the place today.

Rebecca Rogers: Longest episode ever. No, I love this ’cause I’m all over the place and so she’s really just mirroring me.

It’s my fault guys. It’s fine. I

Christa Innis: love it. actually no, people have said I wish the episodes were longer, so it’s okay if it’s a little bit longer.

Oh,you brought the right guest. Yeah. Yeah. Me. we really could sit and just talk forever. We could. that’s my favorite thing. Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead. go ahead. No, you’re good. I was just gonna say, I barely, other than my husband and my daughter, and then if we randomly go do things, like they are who I see, like I work from home, so if I have a call, I see someone. So that’s why I’m like, the podcast is a great way to chat with people.

Rebecca Rogers: ’cause I’m like, yeah, it really is this job. People don’t realize how isolating this job really is. ’cause in reality, we’re like sitting at home alone, talking to ourselves and yeah, we post it for a lot of people, but we don’t have that human interaction. I always say, and I think I probably said this to you when we were together in Chicago, is that.

There’s so many different types of personalities that do well on social media. and when you find the people that have the similar one to yours, it’s like the most validating and wonderful feeling. And I’m like, I wanna talk to them all day long. It’s, and it’s it’s the best feeling because even in days or moments where you feel self-conscious, it’s like, But I found the people who get me and yeah, it’s beautiful and it feels good.

Christa Innis: It’s like the best feeling ever. Yeah. No, definitely. an industry and heart and hard to explain sometimes. For sure.

Rebecca Rogers: Yeah. Yeah.

Generational Reflections on Relationships

Paige Connell: I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t hate men.

I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and. I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that. Like I actually am a person on the internet who says, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.

And so it’s worth trying to get them there. but most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And this mostly comes from men.

Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. but those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah. I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.

Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?

But I think are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the pushback or have to carry more of that mental load.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And.

one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.

’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, what did I see growing up?

What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.

So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer. For their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.

Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? the moms are there. we talk about that.

Christa Innis: yes,

Paige Connell: the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.

We, very different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. we would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm.so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. yeah,have to be hands-on with the toddler.

Likethere’s no other version of parenthood. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we

truly value.

Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.

Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.

Paige Connell: The best

Christa Innis: dad. She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by himself. I’m like. he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stayat home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you saw them for dinner time.

the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like,something’s shifting.

Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.

And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without pushback. Obviously, when you’re talking about deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good everyone. For sure.

Paige Connell: I agree.

Plot Twist: When Life Says ‘Let’s Add Drama’

Christa Innis: You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a marriage certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. she explicitly told them not to speak to me. this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, you’re just the mother of his child.

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

So the grandma was even keeping son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. But this is like the opposite way. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. so that’s what I have just context.

Kate Gray: I want context to that. But you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

 Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: or or she just learned from that. this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. you can’t make this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about being aware of okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ‘ cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that.


MILs, Feuds & Furry Guests — From the Vault with My MOH Ivette

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

When “I do” turns into “I don’t know what to do.” Wild.

From unexpected guest list debates to a mother-in-law meltdown that left everyone speechless, Me and my best friend Ivette dive into the wild world of wedding chaos. This episode is packed with hot takes, emotional moments, and wedding horror stories you won’t believe! Should couples feel obligated to invite family? Is banning kids a crime? And why are so many in-laws acting like it’s THEIR big day?

Listen in as I and my BFF and MOH Ivette spill the tea, share our own experiences, and remind you—it’s YOUR wedding, your rules.

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Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

15:44 From Acquaintances to Best Friends

19:06 Hot Takes: Kids at Weddings & Wearing White

19:59 Wedding Guest List Drama: Who Stays & Who Goes?

27:15 Wedding Horror Story: The Mother-in-Law Meltdown

32:45 When Wedding Paperwork Goes Wrong

38:10 Wedding Confessions: Bridesmaid Disasters & Petty Payback

43:21 Ending the Drama: Mental Health & Marriage Advice

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Me and Ivette’s friendship journey—how we met and became inseparable
  • Wedding guest list debates: Obligation vs. personal preference
  • Mother-in-law horror stories: When family feuds take center stage
  • Unpopular wedding opinions: Kids at weddings, guests wearing white, and more
  • The pressure of tradition: When “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t work for you
  • Wedding planning vs. Marriage preparation—what really matters?
  • Bridesmaids & boundaries: What’s fair to expect from your wedding party?
  • The most shocking wedding confessions submitted by listeners

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
  • “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
  • “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
  • “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
  • “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Ivette:

Ivette is not just a special guest—she’s one of my closest friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding. As a supportive friend who has been part of my journey long before Here Comes the Drama was even an idea, Ivette brings warmth, humor, and thoughtful insights to the conversation. With a deep appreciation for meaningful relationships and personal growth, she shares her take on wedding traditions, family dynamics, and setting boundaries in the chaos of wedding planning. Whether reflecting on her own experiences or reacting to jaw-dropping wedding drama, Ivette keeps it real with heart and honesty.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

 Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and if you are listening for the first time, welcome. We are the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings, events, and beyond. And today’s episode, of course, is packed with some juicy stories and hot takes that you will not wanna miss. Now we’re doing things a little bit different this time, and I’m releasing a never before shared episode with my best friend, Ivette. So a little background to this episode when I first. Plan this podcast out. So the first episode came out of January this year, which is wild to think about. We’re almost a year at this.

I like had a full roster of  who I was going to interview or who I was gonna have on the podcast. And of course I wanted my best friend Ivette on there. She was the maid of honor in my own wedding. And so I figured, you know, we’d have a lot of fun stories to share. And so the first time I had her on, we recorded, gosh. It was after our, our kids went to bed  we were on Zoom. And so, um, I wanna say it was like nine o’clock at night. So we’re both like tired and we recorded, and I think we’re both just kinda like perfectionist. Where afterwards,  she texted me the next day and she was like, do you wanna redo it?

Or like, are you happy with it? And I think I was in my overthinking phase of  this is just getting off the ground. Right? And I was like. I mean, we can redo it if you want, but like, let’s do a different story since we already like truly like live reacted to that one. And so recently I was like, I forgot we have that episode. And I was like, I just wanna listen to it. And I listened to it and it’s actually really good and it’s a shocking story. And it’s very real, uh, um, not like they’re normally not, but it’s just like. It’s two tired moms, AKA us, um, chatting and we’re just like doing a real reaction of what the story, and we’re just doing a real reaction.

And so I really liked it and I was like, you know what? I’m gonna share it. So I texted her and I was like, Hey, are you cool if I share this episode? I was there’s some really good insight. And um, it was a lot of fun. And she’s like, yeah, go ahead and share it. So I think we were just both in our stage of like, perfectionism and I was like nervous because I was so new. So when I do play it, which is gonna be in a minute, um, we’re gonna. She’ll be introducing herself and obviously since then I’ve had her on the podcast two different times. So, um, you guys, if you’ve listened, you know her now, but she’ll reintroduce herself then. This was recorded originally  either February or March of this year.

So we are here now. Gosh. Eight, nine months later. So just to keep that in mind, a lot has changed since then. The layout of the podcast has changed as well, so I’m gonna play that in a minute. But before I do that. Next week is Thanksgiving. And what would Thanksgiving be if I just didn’t say a little note to you guys of how truly grateful I am for all of you. I mean, this is the most incredible community. I never saw this happening. I mean, when I was on my maternity leave two and a half years ago now, um. I just decided to pick up my phone and do a silly little skit. And you guys thought it was funny. And I remember keeping it a secret for so long because not like I was ashamed of it, but I just didn’t really know where it was gonna go.

And I feel like when you start telling people, you start viewing yourself differently, and I feel like you start acting a certain way. And so, um, I kept it kinda like to myself. Only my husband knew I was gonna do it. And it was this  weird little thing. Like once my daughter would go to bed, I would like film in the bathroom. And I was like, what is my life right now? But it’s turned into so much more. It’s turned into this storytelling. It’s allowed me to share. So many stories from people from all over the world. I also am able to create my own stories, which, um, if you guys have been following, following me for a bit, you know, I love creating stories.

That’s what I went to school for. I’ve always loved writing. And so it’s just sparked something in me that I truly enjoy. And so, um, thank you to just like any of you guys for watching, for sharing, for listening on the podcast. No matter where you found me or how you found me, I’m just so grateful that you’re here now. And this is just the beginning. Um, this, because of this platform, I feel like I have the opportunity to share more and to help more and to hopefully make an impact. Um. And by the time this comes out, this might be a little late news, but like, for example, with everything happening with people losing their benefits and with, um, you know, I mean just the world is struggling right now.

So many people are struggling and so I did a. Feeding America fundraiser. Um, earlier last, actually at the end of last week, and in two days we raised $3,000, which was just incredible. And so hopefully, hopefully by the time this comes out, we can even double that. And that’s just a little teaser of like the kind of things I wanna keep doing. I wanna be able to help more people to. Share more ways of, um, impacting others as well. And um, I know I’m kind of going on a tangent now, but it just really means a lot to me, this community. And I don’t really take a time to sit back and just really realize what we’ve got going on here. And so to my, from the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say thank you.

Okay. Now I’m not gonna cry or anything. Let me get into the next segment. Okay. So before I get into, um, the previously recorded episode that no one has ever heard before, um, this is a wedding dilemma. So my brand new segment called Wedding Dilemmas or Wedding 9 1 1, um, is where people are sending me. They DM me, they email me current or past dilemmas. They’re kind of going through and they want just. Other feedback from people they want, honest, maybe unprofessional, um, advice from me. Um, what to do in the situation. So I got a longer one today, so we’re gonna read this one and I’ve not read it entirely. So let’s see what we got. Um, if you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me at Christa or.

If you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma and we will get to it. Okay, here is today’s wedding dilemma. So I’ve been a longtime watcher of your TikTok channel, and I’ve actually been engaged for a couple of years, but I was constantly getting met with a lot of apathy and negativity when I first started to try to plan the wedding. Not for my fiance of course. Recently my mom bought my wedding dress, and so we finally started to get the ball rolling. But in doing so and setting the date, everything is getting more real and some people are starting to ask the questions. I’ve been dreading. The main one is who is going to officiate?

That is an interesting question for people to ask because. I don’t think people asked me that unless I’m just forgetting. And that’s also not my first question when I hear someone’s engaged or planning their wedding. Um, it’s a fun question, but I don’t know. Interesting. My dad got ordained a few years ago. Okay. This is why. And he has a officiated, a couple of family weddings so far and he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he really wants to officiate my wedding. We know how I feel about family or friends coming in and demanding or making hints at being a part of the wedding as a vendor. And yes, an officiant is considered a vendor, right?

Fisht photographer or dj. They’re all vendors. They’re typically contracted and paid. So he’s trying to kind of get in there. I would just worked a wedding where the stepdad was the officiant and it was amazing. It was beautiful, but they asked him to do it. He had never done it before and he was so nervous, but he did a great job, but, and they asked him to do it because  he’s so meaningful in their life. Okay. Um, there are multiple reasons. I do not want  him to do this. The main reason is I’ve given, the main reason I’ve given is that for that day, I want him just to be the father of the bride and nothing else. I just want my dad. That is, that is all you need. That is a great reason alone. But I get it. If he’s been pushing for this, he might not understand, but like, I wanna do this for you, you know?

Now onto the reasons I don’t say to him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was pretty young and he left us okay this off the bat. Why would you want someone that cheated, especially on your own mother to officiate your wedding? I know I want it. Like that’s just, to me, that’s like a bad omen Don’t you want someone that like really values marriage and relationship and building blocks of moving forward? I mean, at least I do. Um, he had kids with the other woman that he also wasn’t present for. Oh gosh. Because he would leave her and get back together with my mom, and the entire situation was so messy. Oh my gosh. So he’s now screwing up and hurting two families because of his own selfishness. At the end of the day, I don’t want a man who couldn’t respect his marriage to officiate mine.

Yes, I agree with you. Number two, I am Christian, but my fiance is not. And while we are incorporating some Christian symbolism into our vows and our ceremony, we would also like to incorporate other things from his beliefs. I feel like my dad is going to push for an overly Christian ceremony that is gonna make both of us uncomfortable. And here’s the thing too, the hypocrisy, right?  So.  she’s Christian, so  but she sounds very like accepting of like her husband’s not, so she wants to do a little mix of like what both of their beliefs. Right. Which I think is very normal and very wonderful. But for the dad to be like, he cheated in the sanctity of marriage.

He cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant. Doesn’t father those children or these children, leaves his families constantly, right. He wants to push for this very Christian wedding, and it’s like, okay, okay, what are we doing here? Um, number three, my dad believes in the role of wife, so to speak, and I absolutely hate this particular belief. Mostly just for how it has manifested with my own mom and how he believes I should accept being treated by a partner if I marry someone. So he probably thinks. even though he cheated, his wife should still accept him back because he’s the man. Right. I have been to so many weddings where I’ve heard very sexist language about the role of a woman, and I don’t wanna hear it on my wedding date.

Yeah. I I wouldn’t either. No. That’s something that I, when I was picking, um, an officiant side story, I was gonna have my uncle do it. He married all the cousins in our family. He’s my godfather. But, um, he was actually expecting a baby. Um, so the timing just didn’t work out, which I was so bummed about. But we ended up finding an amazing afic on the Knot. This is not sponsored. I literally just googled one day and the Knot came up and I found this amazing reverend um, Reverend Marsha. Shout out to her ’cause she’s amazing. Um. And one thing that I loved about her was that we had multiple zoom calls. We met in person and we went over the full ceremony detail by detail.

 

What kind of, what kind of thing are you looking for? Do you want it religious or not? Do you want a mix of religions? Do you want, um, a prayer? Do you want a unity? Like she really customize it for the couple and then before we agreed to it, or before we actually like had our rehearsal, um, she let us view. The prayers that were gonna be read, she had us view how she was gonna open it. Um, and we were able to say  take this part out, put this part in. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about getting married is being able to customize it to you and your partner. Right. So just to kind of like jump the gun a little bit.

Sounds like this Dad was like, this is how it’s gonna be. I’m gonna tell you. How your marriage should be, even though he didn’t live up to his marriage. Um, uh, how it, how even though he didn’t live up to how  the sanctity of marriage should be. Right Now, to some of my points, you may say, I need to. Now to some of my points, you may say, I need to just communicate with my dad that I don’t wanna hear that type of language, or just communicate on one type of ceremony I wanna have. But he’s incredibly condescending and dismissive when my point of view opposes his.

Ooh. To be frank, I’m concerned that because this is so important to him, it’s going to have ripple effects into our relationship. It took us years to get to a good place Again, I have considered letting him do the ceremony just because I know how important it’s to him, but at the end of the day, it feels like I’m constantly sacrificing my happiness and my comfort so the other people can feel special and seen. I want to feel seen on this one day. Okay. You know exactly what you want and you know exactly what you need to do. And I’m gonna tell you based on what you just told me, right? You can’t have your dad officiate your wedding. Plain and simple. He’s not going to follow what you tell him to. He’s gonna put his own beliefs in there about.

Your role as the wife, you are gonna have this built up resentment because of how he treated your family, specifically your mom and you kids that he doesn’t talk to. I don’t know if you have siblings, why start your marriage off with your partner with someone that did not respect their own marriage? Right. And I think this is the time where you really need to put your foot down. And yes, communicate with him. Absolutely. But just tell him again and be firm. I want you there as my dad and my dad. Only you can walk me down the aisle. We’ve actually already found Blink to officiate the wedding and leave it simple.

If he asks questions, you can give him some details. Um, if he seems like he’s going to try to do something or grab a mic, or make a speech or take over the ceremony, you need to be very clear that if he does not do this, he will be asked to leave. And that might seem harsh to some people listening, but now I’ve heard so many stories where people do this kind of thing. If they’re not given the position they want, or they’re not allowed to be photographer, they’re not allowed to do this, then Oh, I’m not coming, or you’ll regret it. But I truly, truly believe based on everything you’re telling me and how your relationship is with your father and how you’ve had to work back up to this spot, you will regret having him officiate your wedding.

There are certain things that yes, over time you can rebuild, but the fact that he’s dismissive, still condescending to you and you’ve seen him speak at weddings before where he’s very sexist. I think all signs point to no. So you gotta be firm. If you need someone behind you, obviously your partner is gonna be behind you.

Um, I don’t know his relationship with your mom currently. Um, it sounds like he kind of goes back and forth so. She needs to be on your side as well. Um, get everybody on your side and in the meantime, find someone that you guys both agree on should officiate your wedding and get on the same page. And that point, he can’t fill the role if it’s already been filled. So I hope that helps. I hope that was considered some good advice, but I just, like, I read through it and I’m just like, no, everything you’re saying. He tells me he should not officiate your wedding. You truly deserve to have the best day, feel seen and have a ceremony that really represents you and your partner in the best way.

So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well. And please send us updates. I would love to hear updates and um, hope everything goes well. All right guys. Now as I said, we are going to play, um, my previously recorded episode never before shared with my best friend and maid of honor, Ivette. So without further ado, please enjoy I.

Christa Innis: Welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I’m so excited. I’m just going to dive right in because one of my very best friends and was the actual maid of honor in my own wedding, my good friend, Ivette, welcome to the show.

Ivette: Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never done a podcast before, so I’m excited.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I knew like right away when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it in some way. guys like Ivette is just like. The kindest person. She’s like, we can go on and on about like how we met and all that stuff. But like, basically, our husbands have been best friends for a while.

So we met through them. But, she has been one of the most supportive and I don’t want to start crying. It’s an emotional day, guys. But, she’s just been one of the most supportive friends I could ever ask for. And so, here we go!

Ivette: Christa, when don’t you cry? I

Christa Innis: know! I was just telling someone, it was a joke at my wedding, that, like, in your speech, and Matt, who is Ivette’s husband, Both talked about how I cry all the time.

Yes. And it’s like not always sad stuff. It’s like happy stuff. It’s like I’m grateful listening to Taylor Swift, you know, whatever. but no, Ivette’s such a supportive friend. And so I knew that when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it. So, I’ll stop the tears. Ivette, if you want to do like a little intro of like who you are and then we’ll dive into this crazy, drama.

Ivette: yeah, so I’m Ivette. something fun about me, I don’t really, yeah, I guess, I just met Christa through my husband, who’s best friends with her husband, and it was kind of like a crazy journey because, I had like known, we’ve known each other, but we never really like hit it off. I think it was just, it wasn’t our time.

And then my husband and I were getting married. and Christa was just, again, so supportive, so kind. I think that when you always, like when anyone gets to know you, you always are so warm and welcoming and you always see people. that are like left out in the corner and again, I’m talking about you, right?

But, I’m just so grateful to be your friend. So if I were to introduce myself, I am your friend. I’m someone that has been cheering you on and that, has heard about this podcast. Probably like five years ago before it was even a thing before you even started any of it. so I’ve been hearing about, different titles and, different ways that you wanted to start this.

And yeah, I’m just so proud of you. and being a part of just one episode means a lot. So,

Christa Innis: well, I’m proud of you. I remember you’re talking about like your, wedding. And so at that point when Ivette was like planning her wedding, like, I think it was Matt. Matt might have still been living with us. I’m not even sure at that point, but no, at that point.

Ivette: You guys are like our wedding in the city or when we lived in the city. We lived in the city when we got married,

Christa Innis: right? Okay. Yes. Yeah. And, but I remember like asking, like, we were just talking about your wedding planning and stuff and we were not like super close friends. We were more like acquaintances.

We would see each other at things and we were obviously always friendly. But I remember specifically like asking you like, Oh, what are your, like, what are you doing for your wedding colors? what are your bridesmaids dress? Like just asking questions and then like. Before I knew it, like, I ended up just being, like, a part of your wedding stuff.

I wasn’t in the wedding, but, like, there the night before, like, we hung out, and, like, I just

Ivette: Yeah. And I always say like, you should have been a part of my wedding because you did so much for my wedding. Like, you just have that natural gift to like, want to help people or be there for people.

And looking back at it, like we were starting to be close friends at that point it felt like. And I feel like that brought us even closer together. but even that night, I just remember like, you should stay with all my bridesmaids. Like you’ve been a part of the process, just like be with me kind of thing. And so it was, yeah, really good to have you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and then it was like we got closer and then when Zach and I started, when we got engaged, I was like, hands down, like, Ivette’s gonna be my maid of honor, or matron of honor, as I guess it’s technically called, but, okay. enough of Cause guys, we can like, Ivette and I could talk for hours and just like, keep going.

So I’ll kind of like forget that it’s being recorded. okay. Let’s jump in to, I always like to start with crazy stories and wedding hot takes. I know we were kind of talking about that before we started. So do you have any like crazy stories that come right off the bat and not to put you on the spot, kind of talk through some wedding hot takes as well.

Ivette: I don’t know if I, I honestly haven’t been, Like in as many weddings as you have, I feel like you were like 27 dresses kind of situation. Like you’ve had so many bridesmaids dresses. I haven’t had any like wild stories. I’ve had some fun bachelorette parties. but that’s really it. Nothing other than one too crazy. So,

Christa Innis: yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And I feel like too, it It seems like so long ago and we were like all in like, I feel like there was just wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding for a while and then there kind of been some pause and I’ve been like babies, you know, all that stuff.

So, okay, so let’s get into some hot takes. So these are hot takes that people sent in. And so let’s kind of react to them and see what we think. So the first one says couples should stick to a traditional guest list Or is it okay to make bold cuts for budget or personal reasons? So I share first. Sure. Yeah.

Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries

Ivette: here’s the thing. I come from a really, really big family and I am someone who’s been trying to break cycles and I think that family is a good thing when it’s people that reach out to you when it’s people that show that they care about you and want to engage with you and have been a process from the beginning, maybe even halfway.

But if it’s someone that feels entitled to be a part of your big day, just because. I’m like, cut them out. If it’s unhealthy, like, I don’t want you a part of it.there’s a part of me that wants to follow tradition. but also traditions can get us into trouble and can get us into cycles. And, unhealthy relationships. And I’m not about that. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah, just saying the yes just because they’re a family member or somehow related or they were your neighbor growing up. Like, we need to, I feel like, evaluate each relationship and how, not necessarily how they serve us, but how we’ve, like, served each other. It might be, like, both ends of it, because I feel like a lot of times when I share stories, people are like, Oh, well, that bride is, entitled. And it’s like, we have to look at it from both angles. Like, have they reached out to each other in the past couple of years? Or has that person ever asked about the bride’s life? Or, you know, that kind of thing. It’s, important.

Ivette: Yeah, and I even think, like, I didn’t have any kids at my wedding, unless it was, like, People that were in the party, like the brides, my bridesmaids or the groomsmen and it was like their kids, that kind of thing. That’s okay. But for me, it’s okay to be like, Hey, no kids, because I don’t want to be worried about kids at my wedding.

You know what I mean? I don’t want them to like take away. And that’s not to say that like, Oh, I’m being like a bridezilla, but it’s more like it’s my day. And I get to be there with all the people that I love. And I really want to like, enjoy that,

Christa Innis: yeah, I think kids is always like a really hot topic because everyone’s like really strongly opinionated and I was like to remind people that you can be as opinionated as you want for your own money, you know, because it’s not up to us to dictate how someone else does their own day or like what their relationship is like some people want it.

Every single person to bring all their kids and add 50 people to the guest list and other people are like, you know what? I’m gonna invite just like immediate family kids or you know, whatever. So that’s so important I think it would definitely I would say this to Zach I feel like it’d be a lot harder now like now getting married with like having so many close friends and their kids because Back when, like, I got married and you got married, like, a lot of us didn’t have kids yet.

And so it was a lot easier to be like, okay, like, we can make a cut here because, you know, there aren’t a lot yet. Yeah. I feel like this is like an obvious one, but do you think it’s okay for guests to wear white to a wedding?

Ivette: No.

Christa Innis: If the couple doesn’t explicitly say not to. No.

Ivette: No, like, you cannot wear white.

I think, I have sweet friends that are like, Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. But if I were a guest at their wedding and somebody else is wearing white, I’d be like, You need to go change. Like, go change. This is her day. That’s not okay. Yeah. that part of the tradition. I’m like, that needs to stay.

Christa Innis: yeah, unless it says this is a black and white tie affair or whatever, which even then, I think I would still pick a black dress.

Ivette: Absolutely. Like,

Christa Innis: I would just feel very, very odd to wear a white gown to someone else’s wedding. yeah, I feel like that’s one of those things where I feel like if you are wearing a white dress to someone’s wedding, you know what you’re doing.

Ivette: You want the attention on you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you can’t claim ignorance. During the pot. Yeah. Okay. Jumping into a fun segment. Pick a side wedding drama debates. Okay. So these are a couple of things that people also have shared on Instagram. we’re going to kind of call unpopular opinions, but sometimes I read them and I’m like, I agree with you.

Okay. If a parent helps pay for the wedding, they don’t have as much say because it still is not their wedding. I agree.

Ivette: you don’t have to pay for the wedding, like that, you’re gifting that, so I think it’s their wedding, you gift it, it’s not like I’m gonna gift you a t shirt and I’m gonna say like, this is where you can wear it, you can’t wear it here, you can only wear it with these people, so I look at it the same way, it’s a gift and that’s it, and they can spend it how they’d like.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that is a great point about a t shirt. I tried sharing a similar analogy like that online one time and I would say like half people got half in it because I think people are so stuck on. Well, if I’m giving that much money, I better like be there making decision. It’s like you can be involved as much as a bride and groom wants, but you cannot go over their head or have strings attached to every little thing for sure. this can be like kind of a hot take. People are more worried about the party than what it means to get married and have a marriage.

Ivette: Unfortunately, I’m going to say yeah, like I tried really hard for my wedding to vocalize it and in my speech, I really wanted to make it a point like, hey, thank you all for being here, because this is the start of our marriage. And you guys are here, not to party with us yes it was a party, but like to witness this, and the people in our wedding party, including you. I feel like I’ve been invited to be a part of my marriage and like support us when we’re struggling, when we’re having a good time to like celebrate the highs and like hold us in the lows.

And so I think unfortunately, from a larger perspective, it is all about the party and like following the trends and like showing, I don’t know, just like having the most beautiful wedding and the most beautiful dress, but I have been so encouraged. I’ve been with. My really good friends who are, are not, all like that. They’re not like that. And it’s really, they’re laid back and they’re just so happy to be married to the love of their life, and I think that’s what it really needs to be about.

Christa Innis: yeah, I think it’s a really good indication, like, when we see lot of the celebrity weddings, and they spend, like, sometimes a million.

I think I just saw, like, Kim Kardashian spent, like, 11 million at the wedding with, like, Chris Humphrey? I’m not very For some for you. Attuned to those things. Yeah. Okay. So you’re more Taylor Swift. I’m more Taylor Swift. Yeah. Taylor Swift. but yeah, so they spent like 11 million and people think like, Oh, it’s this amazing wedding.

They put all this money in, but it didn’t last long. And so I think people need to remember like, yes, it’s a great time to celebrate with friends and family, but, we should be worried, not worried, but like more focused on is what’s to come. What’s down the line. Because if it’s all about show and, the big day, then we’re kind of losing that a little bit.

Ivette: Yeah, I agree 100%.

The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so I want to jump in because I know we don’t have a ton of time. So I want to jump in and read, this week’s story. so we’ll just kind of read it and then we’ll react as it goes. she says, or they say, because I don’t know what it is. Okay. Hi, I’ll try to make it shorter, but there is a lot of drama. My mother in law and sister in law showed up late to my wedding, missing most of the pictures, only taking ones with my husband. My sister in law brought her dog to the wedding, not a service animal, and inside the church. Late on the pews and in the reception hall around the food, there was a minor issue with the food being put out by the church attendants that turned into the little old church ladies yelling at my mom and making her cry.

All she was going to do was get the food out for my guests. Okay, already we’re off to a rough start. Yikes.

Ivette: Yikes.

Christa Innis: my mother in law witnessed this and tried apologizing to the church ladies, telling them their family is trash and I wish my son never married her. Oh, that’s bad. That is bad. My sister walked in on the convo and my mother in law stuck her finger into my sister’s chest saying, you’re the worst of them.

I can’t let this happen at someone’s wedding. We then had to kick my mother in law out of the wedding. After yelling at multiple people, she stayed outside the event, throwing a fit, and telling anyone who listened to her that we were terrible people. She somehow got back into the wedding reception as the mother and son dance was announced. Why, I would be like running to the DJ being like, we’re not doing that dance anymore.

Ivette: Like, yeah, no, you’re out. I just want to know like what the husband did. Like, what did he do?

Christa Innis: That’s my thought. I feel like so many times in these stories, like, The bride submits it to me or like someone in the wedding party.

And we don’t hear anything about what the groom was doing or like where he was. But I feel like that should be the like, not tiebreaker, but the person being like, okay. We need you to calm down, mom.

Ivette: Yeah, like, where is he, what is he doing to support his new wife? Like, the red flags, red flags already.

Christa Innis: Like, come on. Yes, especially like this mother and son dance. Why is that still happening if she was kicked out? Yeah. She must, I feel like she like, went and was like, ready for it somehow. Like, went in back door.let’s see. It says, my husband did the dance with her. But all of the pictures show my husband’s mad face with her. So, okay, so he was mad, but he still did this dance with her.

Ivette: It’s so hard. Like, okay, it’s hard because, okay, I put myself in his shoes. It’s like, am I going to regret not having the dance with my mother? Okay. Like I get that. But also like his mom just made his life so complicated because now he has to like, in a sense, choose between his.

New family, his family now, his wife, his family and his mother and that you as a parent, you shouldn’t want to do that for your son, yeah, I feel like, okay, maybe you aren’t,like happy with this choice. And maybe it’s not like your first choice, but that’s on him and for you to do that and like ruin their wedding if my mother in law did that to me, I. Would not be talking to her and my husband supported her or like didn’t stand up for me and my family That would be very concerning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s an odd thing where you do hear a lot It happens more with Boy moms, where it’s like my son, like you’re taking my son away from me and it seems very dramatic and a lot of the skits I do but so many comments are like this happened to me, this was my reality until we cut her off or something like that and I’m like I can’t even imagine because like I have an amazing mother in law too, it’s like I could never imagine her treating me that way and but when you hear these stories you’re like what is it that makes them so cool.

I don’t know. Is it a jealousy thing? Is it like losing time with their son? getting older. They’re going to miss out. but ultimately they’re just pushing their son further away. Absolutely. I don’t

Ivette: know what it is. Like I only have girls, like, I can’t picture what it would be like to be a boy mom and then have to like let go of my son.

I feel like, I would want to do like girl talk with my daughter in law and like, Do girl stuff with her. So it’s just, strange to me to think.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t know. Yeah, that’s, my thought too. And it’s like, growing your family or adding into your family.

I feel like to some of the stories that I read, it’s like they have these high expectations of who their future daughter in law should be. So if they don’t fit this picture perfect idea of what they envisioned or who they envisioned their son with, they’re going to find something wrong with them. Maybe they’re really close to their mom and, you know, they don’t like the connection or the relationship they see, then there might be, some issue there, but I don’t know.

Ivette: I also, think you, I think this might be what you’re getting at, or you mentioned it before. It’s like, they’re stealing him away, or like, Now all the maybe they spent a lot of time together or something like that Is that we were trying to get out and now it’s like no now, it’s like, okay now she’s a new priority And definitely jealousy.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy I also can’t imagine being left with so many like terrible memories of your wedding being like looking at pictures and being like oh, I remember when this happened like this is terrible like I was like to remind people is like We read these crazy stories that happen, but most of the time.

Drama does not happen, like I said, at weddings, and most of the time you won’t even know if they do happen. but when they do happen like this, people talk about them and share them because they’re like, this is outrageous. So, and not, like, not to scare people away. okay, it ends with, she then left.

Two days later, we met up at a restaurant To talk where she freaked out calling me a drunk B word because I walked around with a bottle of wine for other people and then she stormed out of the restaurant to make matters worse. Our wedding paperwork was not stamped by the county, so we were not legally married until two weeks after this, and then we had to go back and do it again with just a small group. Wait, I thought you have to then do it again.

Ivette: Well, you have like a certain amount of time to like sign the paperwork because If I remember correctly, like they give, like whenever they perform marriage ceremony, you’re not, always like signing the paperwork, right. You’re not actually getting married.

And so a lot of people like, don’t realize that I’m like, oh, we’re not actually married. So if you don’t do it. Maybe it’s like 48 or 24. I’m not sure this is wrong. by a certain time, you’re not legally married. So then, yeah, you would have to do it again. So couldn’t they have just gone to the courthouse and signed it though? They could have. I’m just, maybe they wanted, their family members to be there.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Yeah, that’s like, that is interesting because I just heard, no, where was it? I saw a video of a girl talking about they were supposed to like do all the paperwork for like their wedding coming up and their husband didn’t file the paperwork so they couldn’t get their marriage license.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, like that was something my reverend, I want to say my reverend was like, really like adamant. She’s like, don’t forget to do this. Like you need to do this this weekend. She sent me like a timeline because other than otherwise I would not have known to do that. Like,

Ivette: I mean, I didn’t even know you had to get a marriage license.

And then when you got it, I also didn’t know that it’s only good for a certain amount of time. And I didn’t know that it was like for specific County, which is crazy. Like, I didn’t know any of this. You know, I’ve never been married before. And then, did you know that some people have to get, like, their blood work done? Or, like, yeah, they have to make sure, like, for smaller towns. They used to do this, here in Illinois. They had to make sure that you weren’t somehow related, to each other. So you had to go to, like, a doctor. Improve. Yes. we should look that up. We should look that up.

Christa Innis: We should look that up. I’m gonna look that up.

Wait, I literally just started Googling, did you have to get a blood test? And I literally just had to get married. See, it goes. No, you don’t wait. Most no longer require it. But in the late eight nineteen thirties states began revolting blood tests

Ivette: for

Christa Innis: syphilis to

Ivette: show that applicants were not contagious.

Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was what they weren’t. Okay,

Christa Innis: but certain states it was with like within the last 25 years, they stopped doing it. So some probably kept it longer. Maybe that’s because there was like such an issue. Like people find out years later, like, Oh, actually married my cousin or something. The

Ivette: real, yeah. reason why I know is because my mother in law was telling me when we were getting married, she’s like, Oh, you’re lucky.

You don’t have to like get all the blood work done. I was like, what are you talking about? So yeah, that’s what I found out. So she had to do it when she

Christa Innis: had to do

Ivette: it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And she probably got married in what the eighties. Yes. So that’s not that long ago. Yeah. No. Well, I guess the eighties are going on 40 years ago.

Wait, is that 40 years ago? That’s over years ago. Yes.

Ivette: I see. I think it’s the eighties, like 20 years ago.

 

Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go

Christa Innis: Me too. I’m just a baby. I’m like a teenager still. I know. I know. I know. I know. Like what? that would be something actually kind of cool to look at for like future episodes to see like traditions that have changed because that’s the thing too.

I think people are so stuck on traditions when it comes to weddings. And we need to remember, like, times have changed. Like, people get offended when I post about people having private vows. They’re like, well, why even have a wedding? And it’s like, everyone has their own reasons for wanting to do things differently.

Or one girl was posting saying her family told her that her wedding didn’t count because she didn’t want to walk down the aisle by herself. So her husband actually grabbed her at the beginning and they walked together like kind of you and yeah And she was like my whole family said it wasn’t me actually getting married because it wasn’t traditional But I feel like you like let go of some of those traditions I think traditions are beautiful but we also need to look at them and be like does this make sense for me or am I comfortable with this and understand that times have changed.

Ivette: Yeah, that makes so much sense. my grandfather, he passed away now, but, I remember my mom telling me after I got married, she’s like, your grandpa was like, what is this? Like, why aren’t we at a church? My family’s Roman Catholic. And they’re really big into Catholicism. I’m not Catholic. And so I still had, different aspects or different.

part of like religion and at my wedding, but I didn’t want to add a big church because it didn’t feel right to me and my heart was like, you guys aren’t even like married because you guys aren’t married before God. I was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like some of those things you just have to like take and just like, let it roll off your back.

It’s like one of those, it’s not worth. Explaining. But yeah, I remember that, too, growing up, in the Catholic Church. It was like, it only, counts here, but it’s like, there’s so many different ways of doing it. And actually, and this is something I haven’t really fully looked into, but the Reverend at my wedding, she does, like, multiple, denominations of, like, Christian weddings or even, like, non Christian weddings.

And, my friend who still practices Catholicism, she did their wedding. But I wonder if that’s even like recognized by the Catholic Church because it’s not a priest. But I don’t know. I haven’t looked into that. So,

Ivette: which is interesting because then like moving on into your life, like if you want to have.

Like kids or have them, like do the first communion or not to get into religion, but then it’s like, wait, were you married in the church? You know what I mean? It’s very interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different. Little things to consider, but yeah, these stories just never, never seemed to shock me. I just feel like, I don’t know.

So I know we don’t have much time I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but I want to end it with our weekly confessions game. I’m still kind of figuring out how I’m like going to do this, but like people are sending me their confessions and I was having people rate it, but I don’t know if that really makes sense.

So we’re just going to read them. Okay. And react to like, your thoughts on it. This person said my bridesmaid from another state didn’t even bother to show up to anything. Just the wedding. Okay. 

The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?

So when I read that. I have like a more questions and it’s not like in a judgmental way, I was one time I had questions for the bride and everyone’s like, don’t judge her. But I was like, I’m just wondering, like, the bridesmaid say she was coming to these things and then just not show up?

Or when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was like, I’ll let you know if I can make it to certain things. Like maybe she has kids or she has got multiple jobs and then just couldn’t come to a bachelorette party or couldn’t come to a shower And I think you were the same way, but like, when it came to my wedding, I told my bridesmaids, I was like, you know what, like, here’s the dresses, like pick your style.

If you can’t come to the shower, it’s okay. If you can’t come to the bachelorette party, it’s okay. In fact, I had two people not come to the bachelorette party and I think someone couldn’t make it to the shower. But to me, that wasn’t like high priority. It was like, you know what? I want you by my side at the wedding day.

So I don’t know what your takes are on that. I agree.

Ivette: I agree a hundred percent. Like I said, the other stuff is kind of like the fluff, right? Like, yes, you want them to be a part of like the journey and stuff, but they’ve been a part of your journey. Like that’s why they’re a part of your party, your wedding party.

and actually in my wedding, same thing. I had somebody come just for the wedding. And then they left and I didn’t even see them. I didn’t get to spend much time with them, but it meant so much to me that she would even like agree to be a part, of it and be a witness. To like my story with my husband.

So yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that goes back to communication is so important when you’re a bride and you’re expecting things of other people. There’s gonna be brides that like want things like this and like everyone must be in attendance where these kind of outfits and I’ve never been a part of a wedding like that.

I’ve just heard of them. so I think it’s good to be upfront and clear if you want something like that. Now, if it’s the bridesmaid saying she’s gonna come to all these things and then just bails last minute, then yeah, that’s a problem on the bridesmaid, because that’s just kind of a flaky person.

Ivette: I have a problem with like people saying that they’re gonna come and like be there. And yeah, they come, but they’re not present. I don’t know how to, like, explain that in a better way. that’s just

Christa Innis: hard

Ivette: for me.

Christa Innis: More like they’re checking a box and not actually, like Yes. A part of it.

Yes, that’s hard. Like if you were to invite someone and they were on their phone the whole time. Or sitting in the corner, not actually engaging. Yes. Yeah, then you’re like, why did you even You’re just a body right now. Right, . right. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. okay. Anytime I post about my wedding, I purposely don’t include photos of my mother in law.

Is this next confession?

Ivette: Okay.I don’t really know what to say. Okay. I feel like obviously there isn’t a good relationship with your mother in law. are you doing this on purpose because you know that your mother in law is going to see the post and not see herself? Like, are you doing this out of malice or, are you doing it because she hurt you?

And also I want to know, like, what do you bring to the table? Because, relationships are a two way street. So, like, is this just on her? It could be. But do you have faults in it? It could also be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I want to say too, like, I’ve seen on the other side, like, a friend of mine, I’m not going to give too many details because I know she’s probably listening, and I don’t want to, like, give it away, but, she had, like, kind of, like, I wouldn’t say terrible relationship with her mother in law, it was just kind of, like, they butted heads here and there, and they just did not agree on a lot of stuff, and one day she, like, looked inside herself, And then they like, they literally like had conversations and I asked her recently and she’s like, things are amazing.

Things are great. And I think sometimes we like, hold on me. No, we love no, yeah, definitely not you. but She was like, things are so great, and like, she’s like, it was just like a communication thing, and I think it’s also we put our own guards up, like if, or if we see one thing that’s kind of like, weird, then we kind of are like, I don’t know, then constantly have a guard up, or like little things that irk us, but she’s like, no, things have been amazing, and so like, I think there’s always a chance, but.

Oh,

Ivette: that’s good, yeah.

Christa Innis: But this definitely says there’s some kind of animosity between the two of them, for sure. Yeah. okay, last one before we’ll close off. I know you gotta head out. okay, sister in law called off wedding planning to elope, told us to bring food to share at a potluck reception.

I feel like I have more questions, too. only get so much. But, was there a date set and we were gonna do this whole wedding and then she was like, Hey. We’re actually just going to elope, bring some food and that’s it.

Ivette: I want to know like how much in advance, like, what was the notice like?

Like, did everyone already have their rides made, dresses, or you know what I mean? Like, did everyone have all the stuff, all the foo foo, or like paper, hair and makeup already? Cause I think that would be upsetting to me, like knowing that I’ve invested so much. but also. Like, if that’s what you want to do, like, good for you, like, that sounds fun.

And if, I support that if you’re doing it in a way that’s being respectful to the people that are in your wedding.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Like if you started playing and you’re like, this is too much for me, let’s elope. That seems more my style. Do you grow? Like I’m all about that because so many people regret their wedding.

I think when they don’t do what is true to them and their spouse. whether it’s they went big and they wanted to go small or they went small and they wanted to go big. There’s so many opinions. So just like tune it all out and do what works for you. well, I want to thank you so much for coming on.

I feel, I feel so weird being like formal with you because like not how we talk. But I try to like be like as loosey goosey as possible. But I know we didn’t really get too much into like you personally and what you personally do. But is there anything like I don’t know, cool or funny you want to share that you’re working on, or like a little bit more about you and then, I don’t

Ivette: know.

Yeah,

Christa Innis: I mean

Ivette: for me, I’m all about working with people and mental health. So I just encourage couples that like want to get married to be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, like set yourself up for success and ask really hard questions now because you don’t want to go into marriage and have to ask yourself these questions. your first year, second year, you don’t go to university without first having read the reviews and learning about the programs. You don’t get a job without understanding the salary with the hours of life. And this is like the biggest decision of your life. So, prepare, get ready for the test.

You know, you should be studying, you should be learning each other. and yeah, that’s, really my encouragement. And then another thing that I want to say is if you’re pointing your finger at your partner, Look in the mirror first, right? Like, let’s see what we can offer. Let’s see, maybe areas that we can work on.

And so, yeah, I’m all about mental health and making our relationship work, but in reality, we can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So.

Christa Innis: I need like wise words from Ivette like probably like every week because there’s so many times and I was just saying this to Ivette before we like caught on I feel like there’s always some kind of like mental break I’m having whenever I like we’re like getting together and I’m like panicking over something and I’m like why does this always happen and she’s like I’m your safe space

Ivette: and I’m like I’m safe.

People come to me because you know what, if you tell me like your lowest, I’m going to up you and tell you something lower about myself to make you feel good about yourself and make you see that, we’re all human. We can all grow.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we’re going to work on a regular segment guys.

Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you’re,busy woman. You’re a mom of two. So are you. You’re in school, you’re working, you’re doing your thing. I’m so proud of you and, Thanks so much. Yeah, of course.


Toxic Friends, Controlling Moms & Vendor Nightmares: Behind the Wedding Curtain

Ever heard of a maid of honor who made the entire wedding about herself?

This episode features one of the wildest maid of honor stories ever submitted — from crashing bridal appointments to sabotaging the shower and stirring up chaos on the big day. Her behavior had everyone on edge.

We’re also diving into stories about controlling parents putting financial pressure on young couples, vendors who ghost or show up late, and wedding speeches so cringe you’ll feel secondhand embarrassment.

Get ready for jaw-dropping confessions, real talk, and a few laughs to help you survive the wedding madness without losing your mind.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:52 Reading Listener Reviews

01:25 Social Media Updates

02:05 Book Announcement and Title Reveal

03:40 Book Writing Process

05:12 Future of Ferris and Sloan Series

06:52 Wedding Dilemmas Introduction

10:43 First Wedding Dilemma: Controlling Mother

16:46 Second Wedding Dilemma: Best Man’s Speech

19:37 Red Flag, Green Flag: Wedding Edition

21:48 Vendor Red Flags in Weddings

23:34 Wild Bridesmaid Story: The Maid of Honor from Hell

33:58 Lessons on Toxic Friendships

36:28 Cringeworthy Wedding Speeches

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Rogue Maid of Honor – From stealing attention at bridal appointments to sabotaging the shower, Megan’s jealousy wreaks havoc on the bride’s big moments.
  • Controlling Parents – Navigating financial stress and overbearing advice from family during engagement and wedding planning.
  • Vendor Nightmares – Photographers, makeup artists, and florists causing stress with miscommunications or mistakes.
  • Wedding Speech Fails – Cringeworthy, inappropriate, and backhanded speeches that leave guests shocked.
  • Bachelorette Party Chaos – Territorial bridesmaids, random guests, and drama that escalates tensions.
  • Red Flags & Green Flags – Spotting warning signs in friends, family, and vendors to protect your day.
  • Friendship Breakups – Weddings bring out everyone’s real personality — red flags just show up in heels.
  • Therapy & Support Systems – Leaning on your partner and friends to endure drama while keeping wedding planning joyful.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Some people just can’t let you shine, and it’s okay to snip them out of your life.” — Christa Innis
  • “Red flags at weddings are everywhere, from sketchy vendors to toxic bridesmaids.” — Christa Innis
  • “Chaos loves company, but misery loves company even more.” — Christa Innis
  • “You don’t give a microphone to someone who obviously hates you.” — Christa Innis
  • “True colors always come out during big life moments, and that’s a gift in disguise.” — Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. It’s your first time listening. Welcome, I’m so excited to have you here. You are in for a drama filled episode, some conversation about boundaries and so much more. There’s always some kind of learning experience, and if you’re not gonna learn anything, at least you can be entertained.

Um, first, first, I wanna read this week’s review. This person says, became obsessed with your skits through Facebook. I’m sure like everyone else, and love the drama, so I’m glad you have a podcast too. Such a great listen. Thank you for your kind review. As always, if you are enjoying the show, love, listening, watching, or wherever you’re listening from, please leave me a review.

It helps so many more people. Be able to find and listen to the podcast and we recently found out we are number eight under Leisure Podcast on Apple. So that was a great thing to learn. Another reminder is that I have changed my social media handle. I’m gonna keep repeating it just because there’s always fakes out there, and then people trying to take my old name.

Um, so my name now on social media is Hey Christa Innis. That’s on Instagram, TikTok, and um, YouTube, um, Hey Christa Innis and then on Facebook, it’s just Christa, because they wanna let me. Say that, take Krista in us. Um, but there is a blue check mark on both Facebook and Instagram, so make sure I have the blue check mark.You can check my Lincoln bio as well, if you’re ever unsure. It’s me. I get people tagging me and sharing, reported or stolen content all the time, and I’m like, that’s not me. I’m sorry. Um, so yeah, just to clear that up.

Drama Ever After: Book Two, Friendship Feuds & Behind-the-Scenes Chaos

Another fun announcement is that we have officially decided on the title for book number two. Um, so it’s been a long time coming. I have had Untitled for the book for a long time, and then I had a few ideas pop in my head. Actually, one idea was like. I was like, this is gonna be the winner, but I want everyone to vote fair and square like they did last time. I love getting input from you guys because you are the buyers.

You guys are the people that have been reading it have been interested in the storyline. So I wanted to hear first and foremost what you guys thought should be the title. So I put out an email, um. Pull, uh, a pull to the email list. And then I did another one on Instagram. And guys, it was so close, it was so hard because the first poll I put out in just the email list, and it was within two tied, the top two tied, and then the third right below it was like 0.5 less.

So I was like, guys not really making it much easier. So then when I did a vote again, 40% picked the top three. Um, so the winner of the book, the next in this Ferris and Sloan series will be called Drama Ever After: A Ferris and Sloan Story, and at first it wasn’t my immediate favorite. Of course I loved it because I was one of the options, but now it’s like really growing on me because it really does fit the storyline. If we are following Ferris and Sloan drama ever after, you gotta have the drama in it because it just kind of fits. So here comes the drama, drama ever after for book number two. Um, and then by the time this episode comes out, I will have submitted it to my developmental editor and then proofreader and final editor as well.

Um, typically I read the book like five or six times all the way through before actually putting it out for purchase because there’s just so many things you can miss. Or I’ll read things and be like, oh, I don’t really like how that sounds. Um, but lemme tell you, this book, book number two has way more detail than was ever in.

The, the skit, um, there’s many new scenes, many, uh, added detail that I didn’t have before and as I’m like reading it through again, ’cause basically what I do is like the skit that I put out there. I like transcribe what I’ve already written and said. And then I add in every detail. I move scenes around. I add a new scenes, I take scenes out because as I go through it again, I’m like, oh, it didn’t really make sense.

Was I really tired when I wrote that part? Or, I didn’t really want that to happen with these characters. I wanted this to happen instead. And lemme tell you guys, this is a little more PG 13. Um, we had a little more, you know, a little more, um. I don’t know, without saying it, there’s a lot more romance, a lot more intimacy, um, between some of the characters.

I don’t wanna spoil anything, but we took it to a whole new level and I am so, so, so excited for you guys to read. If you’ve not gotten your hands on book number one, now is the time. Um, we have, um, uh, what was I gonna say? This is my brain guys. Um, if you have not gotten your book, your, if you have not gotten your hands on book number one, now is the time to catch up before book number two comes out.

I don’t have dates yet. Um, there’s still, you know, some things that I’m kind of waiting for, um, more detail on. So we shall see. We shall see, um, as an indie author, you know, if I’m gonna still publish it myself or if it’s gonna go a different route. We will see, but get your hands on. Here comes the drama Ferris and Sloan story, so you can catch up on all the drama.

Um, a lot of people are asking if I’m going to do season four of here comes the drama, or I should say season four of Ferris and Sloan as a skit because I just did skit number three or season three as a skit, um, earlier this year. And I’ve been commenting back to people and I’ve talked about it a couple times, but I have no plan on doing a skit.

And here’s why. As I’ve written the book, as I just kind of said, I’ve changed things, I’ve added characters, I’ve added scenes, and it just doesn’t perfectly line up with the original story. Of course, like it follows the same storyline, but some things are changed. If I were to just keep going with the skit.

Then I have to make sure it matches just the skit. And if some people didn’t read the book yet, they might miss certain things that happened in the book. So then essentially I’m writing two different versions of the story and so far what my goal is, is to write books. And so I know this is kind of getting into a complicated discussion, but there’s gonna be a lot more coming.

In the form of books, because I love this storyline. I love these characters, but it’s getting a little more complicated to just do acting out, if that all makes sense. I know that was a lot. So as of right now, I do not have plans on doing a season four of Ferris and Sloan just because it’s getting so complicated with the, with matching the storylines between the books and the skit.

Because I can’t, ’cause not everyone’s read the story of the books. And so that’s a lot for my brain to be like, wait, did this happen in the book or the skits? So from now on, it’s what happened in the book. And then, um, I promise there will be, there’ll be more fun things to share, more fun things to come out about um, this storyline. Hopefully that wasn’t too confusing in my head. It all made sense, but sometimes you, I say things out there and it’s just not working.

Okay. Before we get into this week’s wedding dilemmas, I got some good ones guys. Um, I am seeing so many real life bridesmaid drama stories in my feeds that are, people are tagging me in. Um, and the most recent one was a girl talking about, um, ending an 18 year friendship. They’re both bridesmaids for a mutual friend and they’ve been friends since like first grade or something. I’m not gonna, you know, re-talk about what happens in the story. It’s basically like a disagreement comes to a head, right?

And all the people in the comments are like, this is over a gift. You would lose a friendship over a gift. And here’s what I notice in these friendship dilemmas or bridesmaid dilemmas. It’s not coming to a head because of something small. It’s over the years, little things have happened, and then you’re talking about a wedding where everyone’s supposed to support this one person and certain personalities come out. Right? You know, some people are better at planning some people. Maybe aren’t great at commitment to things. Maybe others don’t like social events. So like personalities all come together in one room and if one kind of outshines the other, or, um, they have to like work together on a group project essentially. Right? That’s where the true colors come out and that’s where clashing can happen.

And so I think if there’s a bigger pic picture issue, it’s not necessarily like, oh wow, these girls are so petty because they got in a fight over a gift that they’re giving the bride. It’s that little things I think built up over the years and these high intense, stressful moments just bring out the worst in some people. Um. So, I don’t know, I, you guys can let me know what you think, but I feel like there’s so much more nuance and discussion to be had about it. It’s the same when it comes to like funerals. When, when somebody passes away in a family dynamic, it can bring out a lot of interesting personalities, um, and disagreements. People fight over things, um, because it’s, it’s a high stress moment. So everyone reacts to these moments in different ways. Not saying what’s good or bad, I’m just saying like people just have to come together for this group project they didn’t necessarily want to do. And um, it doesn’t always turn out for the best.

So, yeah, uh, I just, I just keep seeing all these stories about like, friendships ending with, you know, weddings and, um, it’s unfortunate, but sometimes, like I talked about in my video not that long ago, is like, sometimes friendships just have to end there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So, just remember that.

Okay. I know that was kind of a long tangent. Next week on the podcast, I have a wedding etiquette expert. Um, she’s a New York based and she talks all kinds of etiquette when it comes to events and so much more. But we are gonna talk about wedding etiquette and I cannot wait. So if you have a lot of questions when it comes to what’s right or wrong when it comes to weddings and you know. Sending a gift, asking for gifts like so much more. We are gonna dive into all the top questions, so you wanna tune in next week?

Wedding Dilemmas: Controlling Parents, Reckless Best Men & Tough Choices

All right. We are getting into this week’s wedding dilemmas. Here’s how it works. If you’re a first time listener. People send me their current or past wedding dilemmas that they want me to address. So it’s not necessarily a long story, it’s just something that they’re either dealing with or just they’re still kind of stewing over that happened to them. And we’re gonna kind of talk about maybe what we should do in the future, or just give my my opinion, unprofessional opinion, of course, what I would do in this situation.

So take what makes sense and leave the rest. If you wanna submit one of your own. Please send me a DM on social media. Instagram’s probably the best place, um, otherwise you can email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma or wedding 9 1 1.

Okay. This first one was sent to me recently. Here we go. Drama submission. Okay, “this is currently happening in my life right now after four years of a loving relationship. I just got engaged in Norway. I am 25 and he is 26. It’s a very special place to us because my fiance’s family is there and his cousin even recorded our engagement.” That sounds like a beautiful engagement.

I was completely surprised because I said I wanted to be when? When we decided we were ready to get. Okay. Wait.

We called our families and friends the next day so we could enjoy our little bubble of engagement bliss. My fiance’s family is so supportive and kind asking about wedding dates and welcom me welcoming me to the family with open arms. My family, on the other hand, is a completely different story. My fiance is currently a banker and work working his way up in the industry of finance and sales while I am in sales.

While I am a sales manager at a local company, my mom doesn’t believe that he makes enough money to support us. Therefore, I should hold off on the wedding to light a fire under him and make him work harder until he makes a lot more. She has always been extremely controlling and narcissistic and ruins every big moment in my life.

She has gone out of her way to scream on the phone, sent a million cruel texts, and even got my dad involved who has always stayed out of it. This has been extremely stressful, but have been encouraged by my fiance and friends to go to therapy to learn ways to endure this before I have to cut her off entirely.

Please add or do whatever you want with this story. I’d love to read comments from people who have gone through the same thing or maybe provide some encouragement while I take steps to enjoy this part of my life in big moments.” Well, first and foremost, congratulations. This is an exciting time and I think you are on the right track of like accepting therapy, accepting that you can’t change this person that’s always tried to control certain parts of your life.

I feel like you know. Exactly the, you know, the supportive people in your life and who to go to for that advice and that your mom is just trying to control, control this. Um, now I feel like this is a very, I shouldn’t say common, but I’m sure a lot of people are gonna be able to relate to you when this is posted.

There’s that, and I don’t know if you know, this could come from your mom being maybe she struggled with paying bills or her parents struggled with paying bills and there’s this like financial burden that to sometimes falls on, you know, the husband or, um, if we struggle, we tend to think like our next generation will struggle.

So it could be her holding onto. That kind of stress that she had growing up or in her life, maybe it was her and your dad struggles. Right. But I think in this new age, it’s like women are working, women are able to make money, and there’s no like amount of money that. Is gonna be like, oh, you got it made.

Like you guys can go ahead and get married now. Like she either is looking for a reason for you guys to not get married, or she has her own,

she has her own things kind of holding her back. No, I don’t like any of that advice. Okay. Okay. Let’s take that all out.

Okay, so first and foremost, I just wanna say congratulations. I mean, this is such an exciting time in your life, and it sounds like you are surrounding yourself with people that are truly supporting you. And it sounds like you know that your relationship with your mom isn’t the greatest, like the controlling part of it, trying to take away from big moments in your life.

So there’s power in that. There’s power in knowing. Where your support lies and where to not go when you need that support. Right. And I think there’s a certain generational thing where they, you know, control is seen as love, right? So, you know, if you call her out on it, she might be like, well, it’s because I love you and I want you to have a good life.

And maybe she has her own, um, you know, resentment from, maybe she struggled paying bills or her husband or her parents struggled with paying bills, and so she doesn’t want that same life for you. However, things are different. It’s not fully relying on him to now support the family. It’s you’d, it sounds like you guys are both working good jobs. You’re both working your way up. I mean, you’re still 25, 26. There’s so much time to grow and learn together. Right. And, um, I know you’re not asking me for financial advice, I’m not giving that, but I’m just reassuring you that you guys, it sounds like you’re on the right path. No one is a millionaire or super successful overnight. You guys are still so young. And also it’s like I, what I’m reading in here too is she just sees his job and is like, he doesn’t make enough money. It’s not like he even know, she even knows the amount of money he makes. Um. So she’s either trying to put her own fears about money and stresses onto you, or she’s just looking for reasons for you guys to not get married, which obviously you’re not gonna not get married.

So I’m curious. I feel like a lot of people probably have dealt with something similar from their parents. You know, putting on some kind of stressor of, or fear of financial situations. Um, but we also live in a way different time than our parents grew up. Um, it’s better in a lot of ways, but it’s harder in a lot of ways.

I mean, it was so much easier for people to buy houses right outta college houses were way more affordable. Um, but also. It’s way more, way more common to have a two income household. So, um, the fact that you guys are both working and both supporting this life together, it’s not like he has to fully support both of you.

It’s way different. And so I think you’re on the right track by knowing who you can lean to for support and just keep going that way. Um. Therapy is so important too. You know, it sounds like you have had to deal with this for a long time, so I just encourage you to, um, be very limited with what you share with her, especially if you are, um, wanting to keep this positive and, you know, feel good vibes going when it comes to planning your own wedding. So, um, lean into that and absolutely. Go to therapy because it’s going to just help you and your partner just feel more, um, more at peace when you have to make, if you have to, or you choose to make this cut from your life. All right. I hope that was, that was good advice. I wasn’t trying to give, you know, financial advice. It was more just like what your, um, it sounds like your current situation is with that.

Okay, this last one here says, “our best man insists he doesn’t need to rehearse his speech. He gets drunk and will tell inappropriate stories from college, and I feel and I have a fear, he’ll mention ex-girlfriends and tell inside jokes that no one else will understand.

Should I or the groom confront him before the wedding or just laugh it off and just accept it?” Well, okay. I’m stressed for you because, um, if I would be feeling like these kind of fears ahead of time, I think I would want my partner to talk to them because that’s their person on their side. I don’t think you personally, as the bride should do anything about it.

I think this would be your fiance to talk to him. Um. If you have more than one gut feeling or maybe talking to your partner if he’s even like, I don’t know if he can give a good speech. I don’t know. He keeps talking about like, all these shots we’re gonna do before, maybe you just don’t have him give a speech.

Um, or have someone ready to like cut the mic and be like, thank you. If he needs like a good talking to of what he cannot talk about, then give that to him. If he doesn’t seem like he’s going to follow those rules. I hate to call them rules ’cause it seems like you’re being like strict or something. But if he seems like he’s not going to follow that, then maybe it’s time just to be like, you know what, um, we actually don’t need you to give a speech.

You need to be very selective with who gives speeches and who you want to have kind words about you. Essentially, anyone that’s in your wedding party should be supporting both you and your partner, right? It’s not like, well, that’s his best friend, so he only has to support him. No, they’re supporting your marriage, right?

And so if he’s nothing nice to say about you, and all he is gonna do is say inappropriate stories and talk about ex-girlfriends and talk about things he shouldn’t be saying in a room full of hundreds, hundred plus people, then maybe this is not his position. So talk amongst each other and then I think your partner should be the one to talk to him.

All right guys. That’s all we have for wedding 9 1 1 Wedding Dilemmas this week. As always, send me some messages on Instagram or you can email me at hello@christainnis.com.

Red Flags & Wedding Chaos: Ghosting Photographers & Exes at the After-Party

All right, before we get to the story, of course we’ve got some red flag, green flag wedding edition, so here we go. “My maid of honor posts a long emotional TikTok about her best friend’s wedding journey, but the video is mostly clips of herself.”

I mean, social media is to showcase you, right? Like your own page. She can also do that as a way of like, I don’t wanna like overshare their wedding day if they wanna share it. So I don’t, I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag. I would just, I wouldn’t say, I don’t know, it’s kinda like in the middle because she might wanna be show like her perspective as a maid of honor.

So I don’t know. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a red flag bride events. That wedding planning is stressful. Maid of honor response. You’re not the only one stressed. This wedding is taking over my life too. Um, that’s kind of a red flag. So communication I think is really important, especially as a maid of honor.

As a maid of honor, you take on a lot of tasks and it’s hard to tell the bride if you are stressed. Um, I remember checking in with my maid of honor all the time being like, Hey, it’s okay. Like I can take this over. You don’t have to do this. Like, let’s have someone else do it. And she was great. She was awesome.

But she also, my friend, she’s like so kind that she would never tell me if like, it was too much. That’s why I was, I would be like, you’re not doing this. Like, let’s have someone else help you. Um. I don’t think this is a red flag per se. I think there’s a better way to say it. Um, I think communication is good, especially if it’s a bride that’s just like not in tune with what’s going on and they’re just consistently throwing stuff at you and like, oh my God, this is so stressful.

And you’re like, whoa, you’re putting a lot on me too. Um, let’s slow down a little bit. Okay. “Bride’s ex is invited. By the groom side, the maid of honor tells him where the after party is because it’s no big deal.” Why is the bride’s ex invited by the groom side, and that’s a red flag all around. And the maid of honor tells him where the after party is.

Yeah, it’s, it’s, we’re not gonna invite exes. Okay. “Photographer ghosts silent a week before the wedding and shows up late the day of, but photos end up being stunning.” That’s a red flag. That is a red flag. So it’s great that it ended up great, right? But we’re not only looking at the end of it, like think of how stressful that is before knowing you don’t hear about hear from your photographer.

So maybe the bride’s thinking about hiring someone last minute because they’re, she’s not hearing about hearing from the photographer the week before. And then a couple weeks ago I talked about, um. The story where the makeup artist came late and then she ended up offering a partial refund even though she did her job.

So fine, get paid for what you did. You are still causing stress and you’re causing a timeline to be pushed back. Photographer. You can’t really make that up. So if you’re late photographer, think of those moments that you missed. Maybe no one else is there taking photos, so I’m gonna say that’s a red flag.

“Florist swaps half the flowers for what they thought would look better in photos without asking.” Red flag. That’s easy. Bride books of specific makeup artists months in advance, the morning of a different artist shows up claiming to be just as good. Red flag, that sounds to me like the makeup artist, um, had a replacement and maybe didn’t communicate that to you.

“Videographer refuses to capture certain trendy TikTok shots because it doesn’t fit their artistic style.” Um, red flag. But typically that’s talked about ahead of time, um, like we a videographer, but. I would not have told them to like switch up their routine because you kind of have to trust their process.

Um, that’s usually in the contract ahead of time. You can also hire content creators for weddings now, and they’re gonna be more in tune with the TikTok shots and, and trending audio as opposed to a videographer. That’s typically not their thing. All right, last one. The cake artist forgot to deliver the top tier because they didn’t realize it was a part of the package.

That’s a red flag. You know, you can make it up for it if they have someone else at the office and you bring it in, but, um, yeah, that’s gonna be a red flag if they forgot a big part of your cake. All right. I need a drink because my, I’ve been doing so many recording, so many recordings that my throat is dry.

Maid of Honor Mayhem: Jealousy, Chaos & Wedding Drama

All right, you guys ready for this week’s blind reaction? Wedding story submission. “I was a bridesmaid for my best friend’s wedding a couple of years ago and had to deal with one of the wildest made of honors I’ve ever encountered.” Woo. Okay, here we go. “My friend Hannah names have been changed, got engaged to another mutual friend, Evan.

We had all worked together at some point, and I actually knew Evan from a previous job. From the moment they met. Met, I knew they’d end up together. After six years of dating, he finally proposed and the wedding planning began. At the time, I was the general manager of a restaurant and event venue, so Hannah asked if I could join her when she toured a few places.

One venue she wanted to see was near my work. About an hour from where we lived, but only 15 minutes away from the maid of honor, Megan, who was one of Hannah’s childhood friends. We decided to meet Megan at Megan’s house and drive together. I arrived a little early and called Megan to let her know I was outside.

No answer. I even knocked, still nothing. Hannah was running behind, so I waited in my car. When she finally arrived, that’s when Megan suddenly came out to greet us, meaning she definitely knew I was there waiting the whole time. Weird. Once we all got in the car, Megan told us she invited a friend, someone the bride didn’t even know to tag along.”

Okay, we’re talking red flags, green flags. That’s a red flag. That’s weird to me. Like the bride invited you as the maid of honor to go do something. You don’t just bring a random friend it. “Hannah and I just went along with it. During the tour, Megan and her friend were giggling, cracking jokes and barely paying attention.

I stayed polite, but when they decided to go out afterward, I headed home. The whole vibe was off. Months later, Hannah scheduled her bridal gown appointment. The maid of honor, the brides mom, another bridesmaid, and I went along. When I got to the bridal shop, Megan was already there, but she completely ignored me.”

What? Like, why? “I decided to wait outside until everyone else arrived.” What does this Megan girl have against Tana? Like that’s weird to me. “Once we were all inside, it was clear Megan was determined to steal the spotlight again. She made rude comments about nearly every dress, laughing at all the styles, and rolling her eyes.”

Who is this person? Why are they friends, and why is she a part of the wedding? I have so many questions. “It wasn’t just me who noticed. Another bridesmaid later said she felt bad for Hannah because Megan’s energy ruined what should have been a special day. Then came the bachelorette party. Megan not only invited a random friend again.” What?

“But they also got into a huge fight on the first night.” The, the random friend did? Okay, “mind you, I was six months pregnant at the time, in the middle of a New Orleans summer just trying to survive the heat. Since I couldn’t drink, I went with the flow and tried to keep things calm, but Megan got super possessive of Hannah constantly reminding everyone that she knew her best and acting territorial, even though half the bridesmaids were Hannah’s cousins.”

That is so weird, especially because she’s not being very nice with Hannah. So does she think being rude is like a way of showing, you know, someone better? “By day three, Hannah’s birthday, things boiled over. Megan followed her into the bathroom during dinner and told her she was a horrible friend, and that everyone secretly hated the trip.

Who is this girl? Oh my gosh, I feel terrible for Megan or for Hannah. Sorry, not, not, not Megan. Hannah. “When we found Hannah crying, we were furious. None of it was true, and it was obvious Megan was trying to isolate her.” This sounds like an abusive friendship. “We reassured Hannah that she hadn’t done anything wrong, but the rest of us basically ignored Megan after that. I even offered to ride in her car for the drive home so others wouldn’t have to.” That is taking one for the team. Sitting in a car with someone that is like awful. Like that sounds like hell. “The entire trip she complained about feeling unappreciated.” What did she do that she should be appreciated for?

“Fast forward a few months, Megan volunteered to host a bridal shower. The problem she lived outta state and insisted everyone drive to her against our better judgment. We agreed.” Why? If, I mean, it’s so easy when you read these stories and like it’s later on. It’s already happened to this person. We were just like, I’m seeing all these red flags and they’re so bright and they’re waving so quickly that I’m like, why are they already like, like so willing to like do whatever this Megan girl wants? “About a month before the shower, she started messaging everyone, the bridesmaids, the groom, even Hannah’s family asking for money. She wanted bottle service while decorations and expensive extras, she couldn’t afford herself.”

So here’s my thing. If I’m gonna host a party, I know I’m gonna take the brunt of it. If I’m hosting it with people, then sure we can, we can split some where they can take some of it off of me, but you don’t ever offer to host without knowing you’re gonna pay for some of it. And then even so, if you do have help, you should be keeping it, like know what that budget is and keep it smaller.

We, we don’t need bottle service at a shower. That sounds like she’s doing something more for her. “Hannah called me in tears asking for help. I stepped in as co-host and moved the shower to my new workplace, which was much closer for everyone. I told Hannah I’d cover the part of the cost as my wedding gift, but I wasn’t about to hand Megan money to mismanage.

That didn’t sit well with her.” Okay. That didn’t sit well with Megan, “I’m guessing when I showed up with. When I showed up with the centerpieces, pretty mason jars filled with flowers. She swapped them out for fake ones and ruined the look just to annoy me. Then she started gossiping about me to the venue staff. That crossed the line, especially since it was my workplace.”

What about this is so weird. “I blocked her number and decided I was done. Afterward, she told the bride that I’d been sketchy with money and didn’t pay my share. Thankfully, I had all the receipts and Hannah did be, and Hannah didn’t believe a word of it.” Okay. I thought she was saying Hannah, the bride didn’t believe that she didn’t pay or paid. She didn’t. Okay. Yeah. So she believed her because she had all the receipts.

Why would Megan like this girl’s like a serious like. Liar. I don’t even know how to describe this person. I’ve never met someone before in my life. “Hannah had two ceremonies. Her first was a Nigerian wedding. I stayed out of that one since I was eight months pregnant and wanted to avoid drama, everything.”

Okay, so I’ve questions. You stayed out of it to avoid drama because you were pregnant or because you just didn’t wanna be near Megan. I have questions. Okay. “Everything seemed fine until the end when the guests started spraying money at the couple, a cultural tradition, Megan was in charge of collecting the cash and somehow it went missing.

She blamed the MC.” She has been scheming to get money from them since the beginning. Oh my gosh. Also, again, like, again, I’m walking, I’m watching from the outside of course. So I’m, this is not judgment on the bride or like, uh, shaming someone for doing this, but I’m like, why are we allowing this girl, Megan, who’s been so sketchy since the beginning to collect the money? She’s been rude, she’s been making fun of them. She’s been bringing weird friends to every little event, and then getting in fights with Hannah. Like, why are we allowing her to be a part of this?

“The following weekend was the second ceremony in a different state. The night before the wedding, we had the rehearsal dinner and all stayed together in, in an Airbnb.

Megan left early to stay with her boyfriend and didn’t return until 11:00 AM” Wait, we were talking the day before the wedding. The day of the wedding. She didn’t get there until 11:00 AM four hours late for hair and makeup. What? Oh my gosh. Okay. I read that at first that she like stayed up all night and I was like, I would be dead tired. But I think they just like stayed together and then she just like slept in. “Hannah was furious, but decided to not confront her on the big day. The ceremony went beautifully until Megan’s speech again.”

Why are we giving a microphone to someone that obviously hates you? Like literally this, this woman hates you. I would not be giving her a microphone because if she’s gonna say those kinds of things behind your back, she’s gonna say like, with a microphone and attention on her, you know, she’s gonna say whatever she wants, right?

“Before she had pulled me aside to ask if it was okay to joke that people confused us because we look alike. I said, ‘sure’, thinking it was harmless. But her speech started with, ‘hi, I’m Christine. Oh wait, I’m Megan, sorry. I know people mix this up, but the difference is one of us is eight months pregnant. Guess I need to hit the gym.’ Then she launched into a bizarre monologue about how the groom stole Hannah from her.” What? “And threw in a bunch of backhanded comments, compliments. The entire room looked horrified. The bride and groom were so wrapped up in each other. They barely noticed until Megan snapped mid speech and told them to stop talking.”

Okay. All right. So based on her speech, she’s jealous that Hannah is getting married. She’s jealous that she now has a groom, a fiance. They’re getting married and they’re happy. Isn’t it wild how some people, it’s the misery loves company, right? They’re, they’re only happy for you when they’re, when you guys are miserable together. If you’re at the same level, if once you’re happy, they’re not gonna be happy anymore and they’re gonna pull you down. I’m not. I have known so many people like that in my own life, and they are vampires, they’re energy vampires, right? They’re soul suckers. You need to cut those people, snip them as quickly as possible because they will never be happy for your achievements. Um, oh, that just like, ‘Ooh, that hit me in the gut.’ People like that. You have to spot you. If you ever have a feeling about somebody, tell them something you’re excited about and see how they react. Tell them something that happened to you that you’re proud for, and see what they do. Will tell you everything you need to know. Even it’s just something small.

If they don’t act like it’s anything to be excited for, if they put you down, if they make fun of you, chances are they will do that For any, anything that, um, is a, you consider an accomplishment or an achievement. Wow. “That was the last anyone heard from her. Neither Hannah nor Megan has reached out since.”

Oh. Wait, I don’t know if she means neither Hannah or Megan reached out to her, Christine or each other. “Honestly, it was one of the most chaotic wedding experiences I’ve ever survived.” Guys. It’s so, again, this is not to shame because I was not in this situation, but with these, when these first. You start noticing these first signs of red flags in a friend, especially in a, in a big event where they should maybe be, you know, they should be celebrating you. Let’s just snip it. It’s okay to communicate and say, Hey, you know what? I don’t think this is the be best position for you. I think we’re so scared of what they will do next. I think we’re so scared of backlash. I think we’re scared of looking like the mean person. I know I’ve been there where you hold onto something because.

You, you don’t wanna look like the mean person. And the truth of the matter is no matter what happens, they’re gonna tell their side. It doesn’t matter if you were the quote unquote good person in the situation, they will tell their side of it. And you know, like she could easily be like, you know, we were best friends.

We hung out all the time. And the second she got engaged, she stopped calling me. And maybe, yeah, to an extent, you know, you now have your partner, you live together, whatever that looks like. Maybe you didn’t call her as much, but she still is important to you. And some people realize, like we go through these life stages where maybe we can’t see each other as much, but you’re still important.

And some people aren’t gonna be able to take that. They’re not gonna be able to take the backseat in your life as much. They want to be, um, upright up there with you. And it’s not saying like, I. Uh, I don’t know. It’s not saying that like she’s a, a bad, okay, this person is a bad person. She probably stole from the wedding. I don’t know. But it’s hard, it’s hard in these moments to react to these stories because it’s so easy for me to say, like, what I would do. Right? But if you have a history with someone and you’ve been friends with them for a long time, it’s, it’s a lot harder to just cut someone out. So I get it. It’s very challenging and I, like I mentioned earlier, I, I talked about friendship breakups and how they can a lot of times be harder than romantic breakups. And so we never be want to be the ones to be like, okay, I’m, I’m done with that person. But when you look back after a friendship breakup years later and you notice all the positives that maybe would not have happened in your life, be if you are still in that friend, if you are still friends with that person, it’s gonna make you feel so much better.

Um, it’s hard. Some people just can’t let you shine. Some people cannot be the supportive friend they want. They wanna be the bottom of the barrel with you. They wanna be, um, they want you to fo you to follow them at all times. And so when you are put in a position where they have to support you, or when you put them in a position where they have to support you, it’s not gonna, it’s not gonna work out well.

But that’s where true colors come out. So we can be grateful for that moment and realize that, um, it needed to happen. Oh gosh, that was a wild story. We haven’t had a maid of honor one like that in a while. That might need to be a skit.

Wedding Speech Fails: Potty Jokes, Politics & Awkward Moments

All right, now we got some confessions. Let’s end with some confessions.

“Brother of the groom made potty jokes and just bashed on him the whole time.” I’m guessing during the speech, very cringey. Yeah, let’s not do that. There should be a list of what to do and what not to do. And it also depends on your relationship with the person, like I’ve talked about before. Like if you’re really close with them and you know, they make, they make jokes, you know, at the wedding, I think it’s fine.

I think it should be funny. My favorite wedding speeches are ones that are funny, but if they’re done in a. Good way. Like if they’re not funny, like if they’re making fun of them or they’re like putting them down or it’s like backhanded compliments, then let me, don’t do that. Um, I remember being at a wedding once and the maid of honor was making, made a comment in her speech about how the bride always wanted to marry for money, and she did.

And like, there was like some laughter and then there was awkward silence. And I just like looked around seeing what everyone else was doing because that’s awkward. And not to say too much, but the groom was not a nice person. He was not great at all in the slightest. Um, that’s a story for another time.

Um, but he’s not a good person. And she was so sweet. But I was just like, ooh. This adds up. This adds up. ’cause she did not marry for a nice, for a nice man. Okay. Um, “my sister turned, turned it into her political views and how the venue was wrong.” Okay. These are all about speeches. That’s no, we’re not gonna put politics and speeches please.

And thank you. My dad. “My dad said she was homeschooled and listed all of my accomplishments.” That’s all. Oh,

that’s like awkward because I think that’s what also, it’s like when people just don’t know what to say, they’re gonna say you accomplishments. ’cause they’re like, oh, I’m just gonna talk, talk all about her and it’s great. You know, you wanna do a little bit of that, but you also wanna tie it all together of like the reasons why people are here celebrating you.

Okay. This one says, “I saw a mother of the bride talk about another daughter’s wedding coming up later in the year.”

So the mom made a speech and just was talking about someone else’s wedding. Okay, that’s weird.Okay. “The best man didn’t plan one and all he said was ‘I dito what the might of honor said, cheers!” Oh no. Unless that was the drunk rooms man, that like. We knew he was going to suck or say something inappropriate and you’re like, okay, good. Thank God he didn’t say anything. That’s terrible. That shows you can’t even make some effort writing like a two minute speech.Like you can’t think of anything nice to say. You just have to copy the maid of honor. Like, no, come on, give a little more effort than that. 

All right guys. Well, that’s all I have this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you loved this episode, do me a huge favor and share it with a friend. Take a screenshot, share it to your stories and tag me.Of course, I love seeing it. I love seeing where you’re tuning in from what you’re doing while you’re listening, um, whether it’s on a commute or where you’re working. Or working or just relaxing at night. And don’t forget to share the podcast by leaving a quick review. It’s the best way to get more people to hear about the show.

We do new episodes every single Thursday. Um, and so I can’t wait to share another one with you guys next week. If you have any suggestions, stories, or wedding dilemmas you want me to cover, please submit them at a link in at the link in the show notes, or you can email me hello@christainnis.com. I’m always looking for more crazy stories, and I would love to feature yours in an episode soon.

All right. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you guys next time. Bye now.


Late Vendor, Red Flags & A Family Dressed in all Black

What happens when your in-laws hate you so much they all wear black to your wedding? 

This week, I’m diving into a listener story that starts with a secret elopement and ends in family chaos. We’re talking group chat meltdowns, cold shoulders, and a mother-in-law who calls her “the family shame.”

Then we’re spilling tea on a viral makeup artist who showed up late, blamed her calendar, and still thought a partial refund was enough. Spoiler: I have thoughts.

Plus, the latest round of wedding confessions, from best men brawling to guests peeing in driveways. Because no matter how pretty the venue, no wedding is safe from the drama.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:57 Viral Wedding Makeup Artist Drama

04:22 Listener Feedback and Podcast Improvements

05:58 Wedding Dilemmas: Proposal Planning

09:59 Wedding Dilemmas: Bridal Room Meltdown

13:17 Red Flags vs. Green Flags: Wedding Edition

17:54 Wedding Story Submission: Elopement Secrets

19:03 Understanding Oversharing and Social Dynamics

19:29 Wedding Traditions and Exclusion

20:08 Group Chat Drama and Misunderstandings

21:26 Family Tensions and Wedding Planning

25:35 Health Scares and Family Reactions

27:13 Wedding Day Disasters

28:56 Post-Wedding Reflections and Separation

30:56 Confessions and Listener Stories

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Viral Makeup Artist Fiasco – A vendor misses her call time and chaos unfolds. Christa breaks down what went wrong and whether the bride deserved a full refund.
  • When to Ask for a Refund – Contracts, accountability, and why communication can make or break your big day.
  • Fan Feedback That Hit Home – Christa reacts to a listener review suggesting new segment cues—and reveals how she’s improving the show.
  • Red Flag vs. Green Flag: Wedding Edition – From brides demanding weight loss to car-obsessed grooms, Christa calls out what’s toxic vs. totally fine.
  • The In-Law Showdown – One bride’s family nightmare that ended in heartbreak.
  • Vendor Etiquette 101 – Why feeding your photographer isn’t just polite—it’s part of the contract.
  • Family & Guest Drama Galore – From white jumpsuits to banned phones, Christa dishes on the social politics of weddings.
  • Confessions Corner Returns – Real listener confessions: fights, public pee, and champagne theft.
  • Christa’s Takeaway – A reminder to protect your peace, laugh through the madness, and maybe rethink that guest list.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “We are not giving nutrition plans or weight loss goals to our friends. That’s not our job, that’s a red flag.” – Christa Innis
  • “If your makeup artist is late enough to delay the ceremony, I’d be hoping for a full refund, at least emotionally.” – Christa Innis
  • “Let’s normalize letting people go if it’s not vibing. Even bridesmaids, it’s kind of like a job, right?” – Christa Innis
  • “You can’t expect guests to lock their phones away in a box; it’s a wedding, not a top-secret mission.” – Christa Innis
  • “Apparently, we’re a top leisure podcast even though I’m out here raising your blood pressure every week.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

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Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. If it’s your first time here, welcome. We are the podcast that dies into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings and events. And today’s episode is packed with just that. I don’t know if it’s just my algorithm lately or if it’s just because of the industry or type of content I share, but I am getting so, so much wedding drama.

In my feed lately. Um, I wanna talk about a couple of things I’ve seen and you guys can comment and see if you’ve talk if you’ve seen it too. 

Late Glam, Lost Calm & Refund Rage

So the first one I saw was a viral wedding story where a makeup artist was late. And this kind of blew up like overnight. So she’s filming herself, going to a wedding saying how, um, she just got a call from a frantic bride saying, you’re supposed to be here.

Why aren’t you here? And as she’s driving, she’s saying, I should be finishing her makeup right now and I’m not even there. And as you can guess, most people are in the comments saying, you need to refund her the money. Why aren’t you there? What’s going on? Turns out somehow, something wasn’t synced in her calendar and so nothing notified her of that special day. Um, so it took the bride calling her. Then she came back and said, I gave her a partial refund. I still went there. I did the makeup, helped her out with other tasks that we had in the contract. She doesn’t specifically say what those tasks are, so no one really knows. But people are angry and angry in the comments. They are saying, she should have fully refunded this bride. How dare her? Cause so much stress and anxiety, the mourning of, and also push back a whole timeline. And I completely agree with them.

I, if I had to push it back that much, especially a vendor that’s just there in the morning, um, typically to push back a timeline that much, especially the bride. Not even like just starting an hour late for bridesmaids. You are starting after the bride should be done. And now my own wedding, I wanna say I was the last or second to last to get my makeup done. It’s typically recommended that the bride is one of the last ones, just so her makeup’s the most fresh for walking out for pictures, all that stuff.

So this just, I don’t know how late she was, but this just seems like a rushed job. Now she’s defending herself in the comment saying, it wasn’t rushed. I’ve, I’m used to doing this kind of thing. I’m used to being fast, and that’s all well and good, but for me personally as a bride, if I knew my person was late pushing back the schedule, and now we’re on a stricter timeline because of it, I would be hoping for probably a hundred percent refund. Would I ask for that? Probably not. If she came and did her job, I think I’d be happy and just carry on with the day. Again, not trying to carry that anger or resentment with me and just try to enjoy it the best I can, but I don’t know. I wanna hear from you guys what you think you would do in this situation, what you would expect.

Um, now you guys know I’ve talked about this before. I film like batch film, so this, when this comes out, this episode, it probably happened like two or three weeks ago, so I don’t know if it’s gonna still be a thing, but it’s just interesting to kind of discuss when is it acceptable to get a full refund or ask for a full refund.

And this is something that should be outlined in the contract as well. Um, like for me, when I do day of coordinating, I’m typically there all day. I am mostly there to assist the bride in helping her with running around doing random tasks, making sure we stay on schedule. And I think if I were there and the hairstylist wasn’t there or the makeup artist wasn’t there, I’d be calling them nonstop, saying like, you need to get here now.

I know like the last wedding I was a part of, we were on a pretty strict timeline. Of course, there’s always some wiggle room, but I don’t know. I don’t know. You guys gotta let me know in the comments what you guys would, would do about that.

Okay, before I get too far into this, I’m like, just like chatting. ‘Cause it’s really interesting. Um, here is this week’s review. This is from Reci Baby. It says, ‘here for the tea with all the segments that she started to develop, it would be helpful, I think, if she had some kind of sound effect or music cue so that we knew which segment was which, because I’m getting confused between all the different segments that she presents. I love them all, but it would be helpful to differentiate between them because they’re all kind of feeling the same way.’ Okay. I, actually love this comment because I, I said it in another podcast. Sometimes it’s hard to get direct feedback from you guys. Sometimes I see it here and there, but to have it all in one place, um, this was great feedback.

So I hope we did justice in this episode. We’re always making little changes here and there just to make it easier and more fun to listen to. And yes, I know I’m randomly adding segments just because. I’ll hear of things that I wanna talk about, but I’m like, where would that go? Where would that fit best?

So I hope I’m not confusing you. Um, hopefully this makes more sense or flows better. If not, let me know. But also thank you for the kind review. I’m so glad you’re here for the tea. We’ve always got lots of tea. There’s still plenty more to come, and if you guys love the podcast, please share it with a friend or Lee or review on your own.

It’s very helpful to getting the word out and having more people find it. Which by the way, this is a side note. I just found out we are considered the top eight podcasts under leisure. So love that you guys are just lounging listening to the podcast. You’re able to, uh, enjoy it and get some entertainment out of it.That, that made me happy to hear.

Proposals, Meltdowns & Unsolicited Advice: Christa’s Wedding 911 Segment

Okay, we are gonna go into wedding dilemmas. This is my newest segment. Again, I only do this on solo pods, so when it’s just me, I get so many wedding dilemmas sent to me in my dms. Um, these are just little things. They’re not necessarily long stories. It might just be a little thing someone’s going through right now or something that happened at their wedding and they want some advice.

Um, and I call it unprofessional solicited advice because like I always say, I’m not a professional wedding planner. I just, you know, give my advice on being a part of these weddings for so many times. So you can DM me or you can email me hello@kristaennis.com and I will address them.

Okay. Here’s this first one. It says, “Christa, help. I’m helping plan a proposal, an engagement party for my husband’s cousin. His soon to be fiance’s brother is planning to propose on Saturday. He the cousin, is planning to propose on Friday.” Okay, so brothers, I’m getting ones proposing on Friday and one is on Saturday. Okay. Okay, so I get it.

So you’re helping your husband’s cousin, but then it’d be the brother-in-law is proposing, um, the day after. Wow. Okay. Okay. I’m getting, I’m getting this all lined up. ” The timing of it being so close together wasn’t intentional. I’m gonna change the name really quickly here. Trevor, the cousin called the brother to make sure it was okay because he would change it if he wanted to. The brother said, ‘no, go for it.’ He didn’t care at all and thought it was cool, figured he’d throw it, figured it would throw off his girlfriend even more.” I could see that. Yeah. ’cause there’s other things going on right? “Now, trevor’s soon to be fiance’s, mom and sister are trying to pressure him into moving the date, but he can’t really, because of all their weekend, all their weekends got booked up for the next month and he’s already set out invitations for the engagement party and people are planning stuff.

I told him to just tell the mom that he already talked to the brother and he was fine with it. And he’s already putting plans in motion and doesn’t want to have to move everything when he doesn’t even know when he’ll have a chance to do it again. I also told him to add my number to the bottom to say, to reach out with to me with any questions.

Does this seem fair? The poor guy is so stressed, and it’s not even the wedding day yet.” I’m stressed reading that because I am confused who is who. No. Okay, so it’s two people. Basically in the same family once proposing Friday, one Saturday. It sounds to me like the one on Friday was planned first. Um, and then the Saturday one came along, the brother was like, yeah, that’s totally fine.

You can go ahead and do it. But now family’s coming in giving their 2 cents. Here’s my 2 cents. It’s already planned. The brother said it was fine. He’s the main one doing the proposal the next day. Is it kind of annoying to have it two days in a row? Sure, maybe. But when it comes down to it, the important people that are gonna be there are gonna be there.

And sorry to the fiance’s mom and sister. Like, but it’s already set. Invitations have been set out. People are planning on being there. And I think giving all these unsolicited advice to him to move it is only gonna stress him out even more. So at the end of the day, like, you can only plan so much. If people can make it, they can make it.

If they can’t, they can’t. And I know it’s hard to think that way, but like, especially I feel like the older we get, like I know my husband and I always talk about like how busy our schedules can be sometimes. Like to try to get together with friends these days is so ridiculous and crazy. Like we’re like, ‘okay, let’s plan like three months in advance because it’s like you got, you know, stuff with kids, stuff with family stuff, with work stuff with you know, time off, whatever that looks like. It’s, it’s so hard to get together.’ So if you are lucky enough to find a weekend where you can have something and you get invitations out, just let go and let God’ just see what happens and just trust that it’s gonna work out. Um, so that would be my advice for this first dilemma. I hope that helps, and I hope the engagements go amazing.

Okay. Here we go. Dilemma number two. This is something that had already happened to her, but just see my two sons. Okay. “About 30 minutes before my wedding, I was in the bridal room with my bridesmaids, just hanging out, taking some breaths, et cetera.

My sister-in-law brings my melting down three year old’s niece into my bridal room for a full 10 minutes. My niece is three, so I can’t put much blame on her being a child, but I still hold a grudge against my sister-in-law for thanking the bridal room, there were several other open rooms within the church, was the place for her to bring a screaming child.”

Ooh. Yeah. Okay. Here’s my take on this. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, I agree with you. Um, I don’t know what her intention was bringing her daughter in the room while she was melting down. Especially like for me now as a, as a mother of a toddler. I, would not be bringing into a, into a calm environment. I would not be bringing my toddler into, especially if she was having a, a meltdown or upset about something.

I’m very like, let’s pull ourselves out of a situation. Let me get down on their level and talk to them. And again, this is, this is of course not a parenting thing. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. But what I’m saying is I just personally, I feel like that would overwhelm the three-year-old too, to bring them in a crowded room with a bunch of people.

Um, as the bride, I don’t know if I would say anything, but this, I think is where your, your bridesmaids would come in and I feel like that’s when they should kind of step up and be like, ‘Hey, do you think maybe we could like, step in this room over here? There’s a really awesome room that’s quiet. Um, and it’s really pretty and just kind of like help distract’ instead of feeling like you’re pushing the sister-in-law out, make it seem like a more comfortable and, um, uh.

The ideal choice for them to bring the, the niece to. That way everyone’s kind of happy, right? You’re like, ‘Hey, wait, there’s this really cute room over here. Why don’t you bring over here? I’ll bring some snacks in and it’s gonna be okay.’ That way you’re like more assisting, um, because yeah, like right before walking down the aisle, you wanna kind of calm yourself, center yourself. You don’t want a lot of commotion. 

Um, I, myself, like I recently just saw, came across the picture. Right before walking out, I was by myself. Um, I was by myself in the little bridal room. We basically, I dunno how to describe it, there’s like a, a hallway where we had a bridal suite and then the next to it was the bathroom.

That’s where all of us girls got ready, um, at the venue. And so when everyone was lining up, I locked myself in there until everyone was gone. And then my dad came and got me. It was just like really calming for me to be there by myself, take some breaths and really just like center. So I can totally sympathize with this bride to kind of feel like, ugh.

I was like, my, my adrenaline was kind of raised right before all that. Um, so yeah, that’s what I would do in the future, but of course you can’t go back and change it, so, um. It’s best to just kind of, you have to kinda make peace with it eventually. I know it kind of, it sucks that it happened, but focus on the positive and the good moments that you did have during your wedding day.

All right. Again, that’s the wedding 9 1 1. If you guys have any dilemmas or situations you would like me to address on a future episode of the podcast, you can DM me on mostly. Instagram’s the best place to DM me other platforms. It’s really hard to find. Um, or you can email me, hello@christainnis.com. Okay.

Red Flags, Green Flags & Wedding Madness

Next section. A red flag versus green flag a wedding edition. “The bride gives her bridesmaids, strict weight loss goals for the wedding photos.” If you can see my face. No, that’s a complete red flag. We are not giving nutrition plans or weight loss plans to our friends. Anyone we care about, anyone we don’t care about. We’re just not doing that. It’s not our job. 

Okay. That’s how I feel about that, which I’ve talked about before. But a hot, hot take for weddings. Let’s get rid of the whole like, um, shedding for the wedding. Like, sure, if you wanna work out for your own wedding, fine, but the wedding industry of losing weight, no, let’s stop.

The couple. Makes guests pay for their own meals at the reception because it’s about being there, not the food. Um, red flag. No, our partner wants to skip.

Your partner wants to skip a honeymoon so you can save money for his, his dream car red flag. Um, I understand maybe skipping a honeymoon ’cause you wanna do a down payment on a house or you want to put it towards something together. But if it’s just to save money for. Something that suits one of the part one of the people in the relationship.

I don’t, I don’t think that’s right. Um, “a bridesmaid drops out two weeks before the wedding, but still plans to attend as a guest.” I think that’s a green flag. I mean, we don’t know the reason for her dropping out, but I would say if she ate, communicated it to you and said, Hey, like. You know, it’s getting too expensive or I don’t really like the dress you picked, or I’m not comfortable in a dress.

Um, I’m not gonna be able to make it in time to all the wedding events to be a bridesmaid, whatever that looks like. If she’s communicating it, I think that’s a green flag. Communication wins. She’s, someone’s come as a guest, so let’s do it. The photographer brings an assistant who turns out to be their boyfriend, and he eats and drinks with guests.

Okay, so. I don’t think this is a red flag, flag or a green flag. A lot of times photographers do bring assistance, but it will be in their contract if they do bring an assistant. However, if they are a staff member, like if they’re a vendor, so a photographer and an assistant, and that’s in your contract, you should be feeding them.

Um, this was a thing I saw and actually I talked to some vendors at a wedding recently, but this is a. Wild thing I saw for how people have been treated at weddings before. Um, you as a vendor for a wedding, if you were there during wedding hours, so if you’re a makeup artist, artist and you leave before the actual ceremony starts, that’s different.

But if you are a photographer, a wedding planner, coordinator, videographer, dj. You should have a place setting at a table and be fed like everybody else and be eating technically with the guests. Drinks, you should not be drinking any alcoholic beverages. Um, of course, like I feel like that should go without saying.

Even one time I was invited to stay as a guest after, and I just didn’t feel right about having wine with dinner. I was just like, I, let’s, I’m not going to, but thank you. Um. So definitely needs to be established in the contract. If, um, they just bring someone randomly, it’s not in their contract, you’d have to decide.

I mean, maybe, maybe they realize last minute, like, oh, they’re not gonna be able to get all the shots without this other person. I’ve been to a lot of weddings where they, they always, where they come with another person. So make sure it’s clear in your contract. Eating with guests, I think is okay. It just depends again, if they’re doing their job as well.

Did you get photos at the end of the day then I think we’re fine. “The groom sister shows up in a white jumpsuit and says, it’s fine, i’m not wearing a veil.” Red flag. I mean, it’s, it’s one of those things again where it depends on your relationship if you know she’s doing it to be, um. Rude or make a scene, then yeah, it’s a red flag.

If you’re like, it’s a black and white party, wear whatever you want, then whatever, the couple bands photos or the couple bands, phones and cameras at the wedding, even during family photos, I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag, but it is a little controlling. You can’t expect everybody to just like keep their phones like locked away in a box.

Okay. “The bride asks everyone to wear neutral colors, so she pops in photos, including the moms.” I think that’s fine. I don’t think it’s red or green, red or green, but, um, color schemes can be hard for people to follow because then they have to go out and buy a specific dress, um, that matches and goes along with it, which is another expense for people, and they might not come because of it.

But yeah, if you are a bride and you’re like, Hey, can everyone wear this color? You have every right to put that out there on your imitation.

Secrets, Shade & the Family in Black

Okay, here we go. Okay. Here is our wedding story submission of the week. My eyes are watering, not because I’m crying, but because the light is so bright and sometimes it just gets so hot in here. Okay, here we go. “In 2017, my husband and I eloped and got married on the beach. It was small and intimate. Just my two adult children and my friend who officiated the ceremony.

Our plan was to keep it secret for two years and then have a big wedding celebration that didn’t last long. Two weeks later, we told my family and then his his on Father’s Day. No one seemed excited except for his dad and brother-in-law. To say they didn’t like me would be an understatement. I’m a loud, outspoken white girl and his family is very Latino. At this time, at the time his brother was getting married in December. This was back in June, and I was just so happy about finally being married. We were both nearly 50 at the weekly Friday night family dinners. I’d share little bits of our wedding plans. One night his older sister told me, ‘this is Christina’s time, not yours. Don’t talk about your wedding.'”

Who’s Christina? I’m so confused. Who’s Christina? Okay. Maybe we’ll find out. “Only recently after being diagnosed with autism and A DHD, did I understand that I was oversharing because I was trying to fit in.” Whoa. I can relate to that. “But I never really did. They didn’t talk about things I was interested in. They were quiet, reserved, and I was loud, Christina, the bride to be.” Okay, here we go. “Was marrying my husband’s youngest brother.” So her soon to be sister-in-law. “My mom completely played. Oh, his mom completely played favorites.

In Mexican tradition, different people sponsor parts of the wedding. One pays for the flowers, another for the cake. Someone else even buys the rings. I didn’t realize these sponsors are considered part of the official wedding party. So when Christina had a wedding party only, bachelorette party and didn’t invite me, even though the sister-in-law from Arizona was there. I was angry. I started to notice how people. I started to notice how often we were being left out, and I got frustrated with my husband for never standing up for me.

It became a constant argument every time it happened. Flash forward to the day before the wedding. I was in a group chat where everyone was talking about going to the nail salon, and once again, I wasn’t included.” But wait, she’s in the group chat. So are they just being like, Hey, are you all gonna be there? And then like, purposely not including her. If I was in a group chat and everyone was talking about going to the nail salon, I would just assume I was invited too. Unless they’re like, you know, uh, talking about it like in past tense, like, oh, ‘can’t wait to, you know. Go get our nails done or are you gonna be at the nail salon tomorrow?’ And then specifically calling out each person and not saying her name. I’m wondering why they just don’t like her so much. ’cause she’s just different or, or what. I can, I can also see, you know, like obviously in a lot of my stories, there’s couples that elope and then they come back and tell the family, right?

And so to me, I obviously, I haven’t finished the story. They seem like they could be pretty hurt that they weren’t included, which at the end of the day the bride and groom, or the, the person that’s said this story and her husband, they’re in their fifties. They are adults. They’ve been adults for a while, so if they wanna run off and get married, that’s their choice. She has adult children. You know, it was something that they wanted to do that was intimate. But if he comes from a large family where they like to celebrate together, that can be seen as like hurtful. So it seems to me like they might be holding this grudge against them because they chose to do this without including them, um, or allowing them to be a part of the day.

“I was hurt and texted the group saying, so, not realizing the bride herself was in the chat. She started the message, started crying and told everyone what I said. Suddenly I was the villain. His mother said, I brought shame to the family.” Wait, so if there, I’m still so confused. They’re all in a group chat talking about this nail salon appointment. What did she, so she’s just saying that she’s hurt, that she wasn’t included, but now she’s mean for saying that? I feel like I’m missing something. “No matter how many times I apologized and explained, I didn’t know the bride was in the chat. No one believed me.” And also, why would it matter that the bride was in the chat? So, like they’re all in a chat chat talking about it. So she just said, Hey guys, I’m, I feel hurt about this, and now they’re mad the bride was in the chat too. I don’t know.

Okay. “My husband and I had a huge fight and I said I wasn’t going to the wedding. Then his sister called me with their mom secretly in the car and started yelling. At that point, I was done. Still, the wedding happened and everything seemed fine on the surface, so I’m guessing she went to the wedding.” It just says, still the wedding happened, so I’m guessing she went. “When it came time to plan our big wedding, we met with the priest and mapped out how our families would be involved. I’m the youngest of six with 18 nieces and nephews. While he is one of five. We wanted to include as many kids as possible. During a family dinner, we began sharing details about the ceremony.

Suddenly, his mother stood up and started yelling in Spanish. I could only pick up a few words, but it was clear that she was furious. I walked out to take the dog for a walk to cool off. My husband followed and told me It’s you and me. That’s all that matters. She was still holding the other wedding against me saying I had disrespected his sister.”

I am so confused why she thinks she disrespected the sister. Because it was just a group chat that she was in. Then they were talking about going to the nail salon. They kept excluding her from all these events and she just said how she felt. I’ve seen in a lot of stories though, like where as soon as someone stands up for themselves, they’re saying like, ‘Hey, you left me out of this. That scene as attack. Someone that has not been communicated with before or called out on certain behaviors will see those kinds of things as an attack. And it sounds like they’re still holding a grudge against the couple for getting married secretly, and so they’re just holding it on. It’s just kind of growing and growing and growing.

“I decided to speak directly to his parents. I wrote out what I wanted to say in English, had a friend translate it and then read it aloud to her on the phone. Since my husband’s Spanish is terrible, his mom was cold and dismissive. My apologies meant nothing. She even told my husband, none of your other girlfriends were ever a problem.”

Yikes. Oh no. I’m still confused where this problem like started. Like I wanna know what happened before they went off and got married. Was there a relationship with his family? How did they all treat each other then? What happened? It, I, it always amazes me, I dunno if amaz is the right word, but things go bad so quickly. Like a couple of the brides I’ve talked to are like, yeah, we got along great. Like everything was fine. And then we got engaged. I saw a new side of her, or you know, they went wedding dress shopping and she had to have a white dress. You know, like it just changes so quickly. Like this personality or something that they’re like festering or holding onto just comes outta nowhere and they’re like, this is not the person I knew before we got engaged.

Um, I would like to hear, um, from more mother-in-laws. I wanna hear other perspectives. I always hear, and I’m not in, not in this scenario, I’m not calling this right out. ’cause I, I feel so badly for her, but I get, ’cause mother-in-laws will message me and they’ll be like, this is terrible. Like, I, you know, I would never treat my daughter-in-law, son-in-law this way.

Um. But, and then I get on the other end, I get mother-in-laws that’ll say like, you’re only showing terrible mother-in-laws. But most of my stories are from brides. So I just get their perspective. But I would love to hear from mother-in-laws and tell me other perspectives, um, so we can share them. Okay.

“Six months before our wedding, my husband had a health scare. At the same time, his brother was diagnosed with prostate cancer.” Wow. “His brother’s case turned out to be worse than expected, and everyone panicked, assuming my husband had it too. We didn’t have insurance at the time, but we made a plan. I tried to keep things positive, telling his sisters to stop with the doom and gloom and sending them articles about how treatable prostate cancer can be. A month before the wedding, none of his family had RSVP’d. He kept following up with his older brother finally called and said the family didn’t want us to have our church wedding, that they didn’t think I supported my husband.” So they’re just all gonna not go. Oh my gosh. That is honestly shocking because I feel like in a lot of these stories I read, they still end up going, there’s a lot of hurt here.

“For once my husband stood up for me. He told them that he knew I, he told them he knew I had his back and that I did more for him than any of them ever did. Eventually, they RSVP’d, but I was furious. I told my husband that after the wedding we were going to need a serious sit down because enough was enough.”

I don’t know what’s gonna happen, obviously, but that would stress me out. Knowing all these people that hate me and just told my husband they didn’t wanna come and celebrate us because they don’t think I support him, would break my heart. That would like rip me to stress. Um. So it’s like how do you enjoy your wedding day knowing your future husband’s family, or I guess it’s her husband already, husband’s family doesn’t like you.

Like that would just be so uncomfortable. “Then came the wedding day. Every woman in his family showed up wearing black.” Oh. Oh no, that’s intentional. Like I talked about this, not that, like not that long ago, like I’ve worn black to weddings before, but like certain weddings, like if you’re doing it as a guest and it’s like a wedding style dress, it’s fine, but when every woman’s wearing it, that’s a reason. That’s a reason.

“His mother refused to take photos with me at the church, which caused chaos with the photographer. His siblings avoided pictures too. My kids gave speeches with thinly veiled references to people not accepting us as a couple. Ooh. At one point his dad pulled me aside to dance out of his wife’s view later during the family group.” Okay, wait. “His dad pulled me aside to dance out of his wife’s view.” Yeah. Interesting. I’m guessing that’s, they’re still married. It’s the, it’s his mom and dad, so it makes me think that the dad does not support how the wife is treating her. “Later during the family group photos, I jumped in between his parents and smiled for the camera, putting my arms around them both.”

Oh, that’s a ballsy move. I, girl, I love it. I love that. For you. I, that couldn’t be me. That could not be me. Oh, wow. She’s just like, we’re family now. I’m here. “They didn’t stay at the hotel afterward. Didn’t come to the bar that night and skipped breakfast the next morning. It was awful.” I need to know more about this husband and wife here.

“My husband was heartbroken. He came from a big family, yet not one of them celebrated with us. Oh, and before the wedding. When I asked Christina for a list of family addresses, she kept dodging me. When we finally asked his mom who she wanted to invite, she said, no one. So my family ended up being about 75% of the guest list. We separated 18 months after the wedding.” No, I did not see that coming. Okay, so we don’t know if the separation had to do with the wedding, but here are my guesses, just based on reading this. I feel like the pressure of the family got to be too much. We don’t know anything within their relationship, but she talks about them fighting a lot and this taking a toll on them.

And that’s the thing. That’s what they say is like when you marry into a family or you marry someone, you are marrying their family. I mean, obviously it depends on how close they’re with their family, how close the family lives, but. If you’re walking into something like this where they don’t like you right off the bat, they make you the villain.

No matter what you do, it’s gonna be hard and your partner has to, has to actively choose you every day over your family. And if they’re gonna make comments and they’re going to show up to your wedding, all wearing black and make negative, you know, comments about you, they’re better off just not coming.

And he has to be able to decide what’s more important to him. And again, we don’t know why they separated, but I would put big money on. It’s because of the family dynamic. He probably ultimately was like, ‘Hey, this isn’t gonna work. I can’t cut my family out. They don’t like you. We’re fighting all the time. I’m not happy, whatever that is. Um, I’m so sorry. I hope you find happiness’ and um, gosh, that. That’s like a stressful, stressful situation. Um, and I hope you guys are all, are you, you? I hope you guys are both better off now because of it. Um, and that, uh, you can both find, find happiness beyond that. 

All right.Well that was, that was a wild story. It kind of reminded me of like Ferris and Sloan, for anyone that’s read it, um, the story that, that’s now my book. I’m not trying to push it on you, but, um, you know, like Kate not immediately not liking his, his girlfriend now fiance, now wife, um, just right off the bat and nothing they can do can, can fix it, but, spoiler alert, Ferris ultimately chooses Sloan because he sees that what his mom is doing is not right. So, I don’t know. I want you guys to weigh in though. Tell me what you guys think about the situation. What, what do you think happened? And, um, yeah, I’m, I’m curious. I’m curious about it.

Confessions, Chaos & Champagne Thieves: The Wildest Wedding Secrets Yet

All right. Last segment is our confessions. I know I don’t always do these, but I like to throw them in here every once in a while. These are confessions people send me on Instagram, so here we go. ” One bridesmaid. I regret asking pushed my maid of honor out from as many pictures as she could.” I’m wondering, do you regret asking this bridesmaid before or after this happened because. If you regretted it from the beginning, then it’s a sign that we should maybe just like dismiss people. Um, yikes. Yeah. I mean, I’ve heard of people like asking someone early on and later on being like, I think I should not have them in the wedding. And you know what? Let’s normalize it. It’s kind of like a job, right?

If you’re their boss and you hired them, if they’re no longer doing the work or just something’s not vi, you can be like, ‘Hey, I don’t think it’s gonna work anymore. Um, you know, maybe you can just come as a guest.’ ‘Cause that sounds like there’s already some issues there.

All right. “My husband had two best men. One punched the other because his girlfriend fell and helped her to stand.” That sounds like some real, um, I’m trying to say this in like a clean way. Small dick energy. Sorry. I’m just gonna say it.

What? Just because you’re the other best man helped your girlfriend because she fell, you’re that insecure that you have to punch him in the face. I would hope that if any of my girlfriends fell near my husband that he would help them up. And I think my friend’s, husbands and boyfriends and partners wouldn’t be mad about that.

This just reads like some really insecure guy. Okay. “Got kicked out and almost punched for refusing to hug someone.” What kinda weddings are we going to guys? No. What is happening here? I’m so sorry. Um, “groom’s aunt hip checked mother of bride’s best friend as the best friend was saying Goodbye.” Wow. These are some violent and touchy people.

“One of my guests peed in the venue driveway at my wedding.” Cool. “Didn’t know a winter wedding was outdoors and wore a cream jacket, looked like I wore white.” That’s hard when it’s like you have to wear a coat outside and you’re not thinking about it. Um, I’ve seen that happen and it’s, it’s innocent. I mean, if you’re wearing a coat and there’s photos outside, what are you supposed to do? I don’t know. It happens.

“Someone opened and drank a gifted bottle of champagne for our, from our gift table. We had an open bar.” That’s just rude. That sounds like someone was already drunk and thought it would be funny.

“Told another guest off for talking on the phone during the best man’s speech.” I mean, good for you. If someone’s calling you during a wedding reception, get out of there. Go outside. Like you don’t need to be sitting there taking a phone call. That’s just phone call. Et etiquette though, I honestly, I, one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves is when I’m at a grocery store or some kind of store checking out and the person next to me is checking out and they’re just blabbing on their phone.

Well, the person, the porch cashier is like, ‘hi, how are you? Thanks for shopping.’ Whatever. And they’re just talking like, ‘yeah, whatever. Bagot.’ I’m like, no, get off your phone. It’s not that hard. Um, but I’m also someone that’s never on my phone. Like, I hate talking on the phone with a, with a passion. Um, if someone’s calling me, I am, I am assuming it’s detrimental. Like someone’s in the hospital, it’s bad. I dunno if that’s, is that a millennial thing? Someone told me.

Okay. Last one. I know I’m having so much fun reading these. “The night before the wedding, these drunk girls woke us up being so loud, so I made of honor yelled at them.” You go, girl, sounds to me like you are in a hotel. These things happen. I just assume when I stay at a hotel, I’m found to get woken up by something, whether it’s a kid running down the hall, drunk, people getting home late. It just, it happens at hotels all the time. I don’t know if it just happens here and there. Sure. But I have been to somewhere. It’s like nonstop running down the hall, banging on doors, like, okay, like let’s calm down a little bit.

All right. Those are some wild confessions, wild story. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you love this episode, please do me a huge favor. Share it with a friend. Take a screenshot. Share it on your So socials, whatever it is, tag me. I love seeing it. I love seeing where you’re tuning in from, whether it’s on your commute while you’re working or just relaxing at night because apparently we’re a top leisure podcast.

Um, which is funny because people always comment how like, I help help, I dunno if it’s help’s the right word. I raise your blood pressure while sharing these stories. So I’m really sorry. Maybe I should start doing more like calming stories. Would you guys like that? So more like relaxing and calming, uh, you know.

Romantic comedy stories, we can mix it up and don’t forget to share the podcast by leaving a quick review. It’s the best way to help people discover the show. So if you have some suggestions or stories or a wedding dilemma you want me to cover, please submit them at the link in the show notes. I also have my Google form where you can submit wedding stories.

I have hundreds and hundreds that I’m. Slowly working my way through. Um, they help inspire many of the skits and stories that I share on my podcast and YouTube as well. But again, thanks for listening and I will see you next time. Bye now.


Highlights, Hard Truths & an Unexpected Wedding Crasher with Bailey Lavender

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

What happens when wedding day expectations clash with reality?

From boundary-crossing vendors to guests who take things a little too far, this episode unpacks the chaos that unfolds when people forget who the day is really about.

Bailey Lavender joins me for a candid chat on green flags, red flags, and how to set boundaries without being labeled a “bridezilla.” We share laughs, lessons, and real talk about communication, kindness, and staying true to yourself, no matter what drama comes your way.

Because at the end of the day, the best weddings aren’t perfect, they’re honest, intentional, and unapologetically you.

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Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:03 The Evolution of Skit Content

02:13 Bailey’s Background and Journey

04:24 Mental Health and Social Media

07:45 Wedding Stories and Advice

14:47 Hair Trends and Client Relationships

25:00 Red Flags and Green Flags: Wedding Edition

32:06 Effective Wedding Communication Tips

33:05 Handling Embarrassing Toasts

35:13 The Uninvited Seamstress

36:39 Navigating Vendor Boundaries

43:15 The Importance of Professionalism

57:07 Cherishing Wedding Memories

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Seamstress Saga – A wedding vendor takes “involvement” way too far, crossing professional boundaries and ruining key moments.
  • When Vendors Forget Their Job – Christa and Bailey share why staying in your lane is crucial on someone else’s wedding day.
  • The Bridesmaid Balancing Act – How to set limits and choose roles you can actually handle with love, not guilt.
  • Boundaries ≠ Bridezilla – Why being firm about your expectations doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you wise.
  • Kindness vs. People-Pleasing – Bailey opens up about learning when to say no to protect her peace (and her friendships).
  • The Power of Professionalism – From photographers to coordinators, why doing your job well means knowing when to step back.
  • The Cost of “Yes” Culture – How saying yes to everything can actually hurt the people you’re trying to help.
  • Reclaiming the Moment – The bride’s plan to recreate her photos becomes a lesson in healing and taking back joy.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Being firm with your boundaries doesn’t make you a bridezilla—it makes you smart.” – Christa Innis
  • “You can’t do it all, and saying yes to everything can actually hurt the people you’re trying to help.” – Christa Innis
  • “Knowing your friends, and your limits, is key to surviving wedding season with your sanity intact.” – Christa Innis
  • “It’s okay to decline being in a wedding if it’s not the right fit. Support can still look like showing up as a guest.” – Christa Innis
  • “There’s a reason rules exist, because someone somewhere broke them first.” – Christa Innis
  • “You have to show up wholeheartedly for what they’re asking of you, or you’re letting them down.” – Bailey Lavender
  • “I can’t enjoy your day if I’m on the clock—so pick one: stylist or bridesmaid.” – Bailey Lavender
  • “They forget it’s somebody’s important day and start thinking, ‘What can I get out of this?’” – Bailey Lavender
  • “Not all kindness means saying yes, sometimes it means standing firm and protecting your peace.” – Bailey Lavender
  • “Those Type A brides? They’ve got it right, they’re just making sure nothing ruins their day.” – Bailey Lavender

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Bailey:

Bailey Lavender is a vibrant hairstylist and digital creator known for her bold aesthetic and engaging online presence. She shares hair transformations, fashion finds, and lifestyle content across platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. With a passion for creative color work and community events like the San Antonio Hair Show, Bailey blends artistry with influence, inviting followers into her world of beauty, style, and self-expression.

Follow Bailey:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Bailey. Hi. Thank you so much for coming on. I’m so excited to talk to you.

Bailey Lavender: Thank you for inviting me. I really appreciate you being letting me on here.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I was just saying before we started, I was, it’s so fun to be able to do this podcast and connect with people. ’cause like I’ve watched your content for so long and I love like just seeing the different skit content out there and I just feel like it’s, it’s so entertaining and I feel like people actually like learn a lot and take away a lot from it.

Bailey Lavender: That was kind of my original plan was with the skits. It’s like unintentionally teaching my clients and new people. I need the, how I need them to act. And if they’re not my client, maybe someone else will learn from this as well. Um, and then it ended up being very relatable to a lot of people that weren’t even in the hair industry, like some restaurant workers or retail workers or whatever.

And I just, I’ve really enjoyed it. And so now I don’t have any horrible stories of my own anymore. ’cause I’ve already told all of them. So all of mine are sent in now from all like other people’s stories.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I know, it’s kind of funny how it evolves, like when you first start creating content and then you’re like, Ooh, people are really liking this, or this just popped up.

So I wanna share this. ’cause like I, I started just sharing like some wedding tips and stuff and then I was sharing like. Things I’ve seen at weddings are experienced. And then I just did a skit one day about like a wild, like it was like something I don’t even remember if I like saw it somewhere. And then people just love seeing the skit content ’cause it’s, it’s relatable and it’s also like helps I think with, like you said, like with conversations and how to act in certain scenarios or what’s okay.

And maybe what’s not. Okay. Well,

Bailey Lavender: I agree. I agree.

From Skits to Self-Awareness and Protecting Your Peace Online

Christa Innis: Yeah. So before I get too far into that, can you just tell everyone a little bit about who you are, what you do, and then maybe a little bit more about your content as well.

Bailey Lavender: So, hi, if you don’t know me, I’m Bailey Lavender. I’ve been a hairstylist since I was 18.

I just turned 31. Um, I am based out of Shelby, North Carolina, but I was for a very long time in Greenville, South Carolina. I started doing hair skits right around COVID time. Like, I feel like a lot of people hit the ground running with TikTok then. Mm-hmm. Um, and it was at first just for entertainment purposes.

I was a theater kid, and so I was just like, you know what? Let’s have fun with this. I never expected anything to come of it. And then over time I started catching a following. I started really enjoying myself. It was kind of therapeutic, so I was telling stories of that I had gone through. Mm-hmm. And it was like the, the responses that I wish I had given.

Right. Um, instead of just being so me and mild at the time. And so then it evolved to the, where I was. Uh, considered a skit girl, right? Where I was only posting skits, but it started getting overwhelming, um, because people didn’t know me for who I was. And so I started sharing pieces of me and who I am and what my life looks like.

And now I’m kind of a combo of many different things on my page, you’ll see me doing hair transformations on new clients, me working on old clients and showing you their evolution of hair to being a mom now, or just my day-to-day life, relatable stuff. And then once a week t or once a month, typically I’ll throw in a skit, um, like a series just because I really enjoy doing skits, but I don’t want it to be my entire identity.

Christa Innis: Yes, I love that. So what was that shift like for you and how was the response? Because I mean. I feel like there’s times where I feel like when you start talking about like the skit identity, I can, I kind of get that sometimes. And I feel like sometimes people think I, I work for them and it’s kind of stressful ’cause like I, I’m a mom as well and so it’s like balancing that and balancing my job and I’m just like, okay, I gotta do a skit.

And my husband’s like, hi, I’m here too. So how was that like for you to kind of like switch a little bit to showing a little more you and personality? Like how was, how do people accept that or perceive that at first.

Bailey Lavender: some people didn’t like it and it was one of those moments where I had to reflect back and figure out what made me happy.

Right? And I was in the, in the process of always looking for something negative someone would do around me, right? Mm-hmm. Either so a client and really hone in on that and do a skit about it. And it, it was me focusing on too much negativity in my life. And I’m a firm believer if you look for a negative, you’re gonna find it.

Um, same with happiness, right? Or joy. And so I had to shift that for my own mental health because I was constantly looking for the negative. And so changing that, a lot of people were unhappy, but I was like, listen, for my own mental health, I have to change this up a little bit. Um, and some people, like I said, they were in my comment section, like, jump monkey jump.

You better hurry up and make me a skit, otherwise I’m not gonna follow your stuff. And it was like, you know, listen, I’m a human and I have a job. I have a kid, I have, well, at the time I didn’t have a kid, but I have other things going on in my life. I wanna share who I am and I want you to get to know who I am outside of being a character on a screen for you.

And some people didn’t like it and they left and have never come back. Um, some people say, I’ve not seen your stuff in forever. I’ve missed your face. I’m so glad that you’re doing so well. It just, the ebb and flow of social media, you never really know what people are gonna react like.

Christa Innis: Yeah, but that’s such a healthy boundary that you set too, where you’re like, this is me and I need to protect my mental health.

Because it is so easy, I think, to get caught up in like the comments or what people say, and it kind of can take the joy out of it. If you feel like you’re then working for, instead of like one boss at a, at a corporate job, you’re working for hundreds and millions that are following you and then you’re like, okay, wait, but they said they like this.

They said they don’t like this. So I feel like that was really like so awesome of you to be like, wait, who am I? What’s important to me? If, if I lose people along the way, that’s okay. And I feel like ultimately you’re gonna have more people that are gonna be interested in you because you’re more true to yourself then.

Bailey Lavender: I, so I was doing skits, like I said, hardcore for a while. Um, and then I had a friend that I lost due to mental health reasons. And in that timeframe, I really started hitting the ground heavy of pushing mental health videos. Um, and the views weren’t even that great on it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to make sure that if I, it was helping a single person that was, that mattered to me.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: And that kind of was my stepping stone into creating something that wasn’t just drama filled or, um, didn’t have any mal, or, what’s the word? It didn’t have any like substance behind it. There’s this. Mm-hmm. And I really enjoyed making that, where it was like, I’m more than just a character. And that was like the stepping stone for me to see what else was out there within social media.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I feel like that’s really powerful. And I think it’s, it’s, it’s a good reminder too for people listening because like, like what I try to focus on too is like I try to show like how to have good boundaries, like in skits and stuff. And you made a an interesting point too about you started off by saying like, this is what things I wanted to say in certain scenarios, but maybe more like people pleaser.

’cause that’s me. Like, I’m more like, I’m afraid to say things, you know, in person. I don’t like conflict. So I feel like when I was getting these stories sent to me, I was like, I wanna show brides, like how they can like, you know, have, have a safe and like kind boundary and that’s that it’s okay. Um, but I think it’s good for them, for people listening to this too, to be like in other areas of your life, like, okay, let’s listen to my mental health and, and, um, stay true to myself for sure.

Finding Confidence in Community and Self-Expression

Bailey Lavender: And I’m sure you get some crazy stories because I have a few friends that they only work in the wedding industry and the wedding world is even crazier, I feel like, than the salon world.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So yeah, it’s kind, I get, it’s, when I first started this, I had just been like, I’ve been a bridesmaid like 10 times.

My, my audience is probably sick of me saying that, but I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve been on on a lot of weddings and then I was a bride myself and then I’ve helped Dave coordinating, right? And so I’ve saw, I saw some kind of crazy things or heard things, you know, that happen. Nothing, nowhere near to the extent of the stories that people send me.

And I just feel for these difficult relationships and like with in-laws or with cousins or whoever it is, siblings. And, um, so that’s why I feel like I’m trying to like, empower them in a different way, but. It’s hard. You get, you get lost in the shuffle with all, I mean, there’s so many stories that people tell, so it’s, it’s kind of chaotic.

So what, what kind of, like, I know you got, you’ve gone viral for skits and hair transformations. What’s one like video that you put out that you’re just like really proud of or like something that people really resonated with, whether it’s behind the scenes, your personal life or hair? Um.

Bailey Lavender: I have an array of different things that I have been proud of.

When I posted on social media, one of them was me being able to finally share my adoption of my son. Um, that resonated with a lot of different people. Um, it was one of those problems ’cause a lot of people had watched our journey of dating to getting married, to wanting to grow our family, wanting to carry first and then adopt because I am getting older and, you know, you start getting into where it turns into a geriatric pregnancy.

So then when, um, fertility just didn’t seem like it was gonna go our way, that’s when we were like, all right now to what we were gonna do next, which was adoption. And it fell into our hands. And that was a beautiful experience. Being able to share that with my followers because. So many of them were so encouraging, so kind.

And of course you get hate online. And I had the horrific messages from people, um, as well. But the good at what outweighed the bad and they were so kind, so uplifting. But I also had like career achievements where I went from a girl who was working a salon who the owner hated me and she genuinely made me want to leave the career altogether to now where I am able to share where I’m going on to stages and teaching at these huge hair shows.

And because of social media, I am able to, where I was terrified to post my own work behind the chair because it didn’t look like some of my friends who are these vivid artists.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Bailey Lavender: And now they’ve encouraged me to post my work because I do do good work. It’s just not the same as theirs. It looks very different ’cause they’re doing rainbows where I’m doing, lived in blondes.

Mm-hmm. And so I was scared to post it. But because of my friends that I’ve surrounded myself because of social media. Mm-hmm. But also the followers that I have, that I, when I meet them out in public, they like run up to me and they’re so excited and proud of me for like something that I recently posted, how they, it resonated with them.

And it’s more than a number, it’s a community if you do it the right way. Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. I love that. There’s such beauty in social media and connection. Um, and like you said, growing that community because it’s so easy to feel alone in certain aspects of your life or like career parenthood, how you do things.

And there’s, I feel like there’s always someone that’s going through something similar or can relate or resonate in some way. And I think that’s truly the beauty of it. And like you said, you started all this during 2020 COVID, things were rough. We didn’t really know what the future was gonna look like.

Um, and so I feel like a lot of people found connection through that time, through social media. And it saved I think a lot of people being able to be like, okay. Here’s my new community, we’re gonna wake this work

Bailey Lavender: well because at the time we weren’t allowed to connect. And as a hairstylist, I’m used to seeing many different people in my chair in just a singular day and then going to feeling isolated and was training my dog.

And that was about it. Like I felt very alone in that time. And so social media, it was my therapy at the time.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You gotta like lean into like what’s gonna make you feel better and allow you to connect. And I feel like connection is such a powerful thing. And I’m sure you can say with like, with motherhood too, that’s such a powerful thing.

Um, before I did this, I worked for a motherhood brand and that was like, one of the things I always helped was like, grow communities with moms because. It can be so isolating if you’re in like a rough spot and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m the only one that’s dealing with, you know, potty training or whatever it is.

But it’s like the second you text a friend or like someone talk to someone in your community and you’re like, Hey, this is what’s going on. They’re like, that exact same thing happened to me. You’re okay mama. Like, you know,

Bailey Lavender: I have a friend Meg, me, Meg hair, and she had her baby almost nine months exactly after Kayden was born.

Christa Innis: Oh wow.

Bailey Lavender: And it’s very sweet and funny to me because she’ll hit these milestones and every so often she’ll call me and she’s like, is this normal? And I’m like, yeah baby, we did that. We’re good. You’re good. No worries. Or she’ll be teething or something new will happen and she’ll call and she’ll be worried that it’s abnormal or she’s not supposed to be hitting those milestones or whatever at the time.

And like you said, the camaraderie of like finding people, not just that have been through raising a child, but are going through it currently with you. Mm-hmm. It makes a huge difference. I have a friend. That she actually will be giving birth tomorrow. Um, she’s getting induced and through her pregnancy, she’s not done it.

But I really wanted her to post her her story. ’cause her story, I’m not gonna get into it ’cause her story to tell, but her story is very different. And I wanted her to share her story because she felt so alone. And I’m like, no, I want you to share it because there are so many people that will relate with you.

And I’ve never been through it, but I know that if you get it out there, you’re gonna help someone else and you’re gonna feel better about it.

Christa Innis: Yes, 100%. That’s someone I used to work with had, um, a very rare set of twins when she was pregnant. They were called mono, mono, mono twins. And which means, I think it means they’re, someone’s probably gonna correct me, listen, so I wanna say they’re both, they’re born in the same sac and they share the same umbilical.

I don’t, I can’t remember, but it’s very, it’s very rare. It’s like one out of like. A hundred thousand or something crazy. Right. And I remember her like telling me about it. She like came on and talked about it and when we posted it was like a community of like mono, mono twin moms commenting. And it was just like, I think all 10 in the last 10 years were like, found it somehow through search.

’cause they’re like, oh, I’m able to connect with someone. And it’s such a powerful tool I feel like in all aspects of just connection in the right way, like you said.

Bailey Lavender: Yeah. Well, twins in general are so interesting to me. If you’ve heard of like twin telepathy and all the things, like I, I genuinely think twins are so cool and then there is like tiny little, like, I don’t know the correct word for it, but like, different divisions of twins and their different connections and how they like relate with each other and how they can be in different spots and know the other one.

Something’s wrong with the other one. It’s just, it’s cool. Uh, that is a neat little story. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s, it’s so interesting to, um. To, yeah, to hear that and to connect in that way. Um, okay. Kind of going, going into your, your expertise in hair, what do you, okay, let’s talk about like current lifestyles. What’s one like hair transformation that you, I know you said you like the, um, what’d you call it?

The, the, the blo, what’d you call it? The relaxed, lived in

Bailey Lavender: blondes.

Christa Innis: Lived in blonde. That speaks to me ’cause I’m like, I’m so bad with getting my hair done. Mm-hmm. I just went for the first time last week after a year. Mm-hmm. So, um, I love the lived in blonde. Um, what’s like a current trend that you are loving with hair or what do you think is a piece of advice that all people should know when it comes to their hair?

Not to put you on the spot. I know it’s kind. Oh.

Bailey Lavender: So I actually, this one’s gonna speak to hair shells. I got one that I love about hair right now and one that I hate about hair right now. Okay. A lot of hair. I’m gonna start with the hate. Um, a lot of people within the hair industry are seeing where we’re going through a recession right now.

Right. And they are leaning into that and, and deeming a certain hair trend, which is like a low maintenance blonde, the recession blonde. And I don’t, I hate that terminology with a passion because it makes it feel like, it makes it feel negative to me. Mm. That is my personal opinion. It makes it feel negative to me.

I’d never want any of my clients to feel like I’m pushing a service onto them because they can’t afford it. That is not, they’re not, I’m not in their wallet. If they can afford it, absolutely, I can tell them the reasons of why I think a service will be best for them, but because our economy is not the best point right now is not one of those reasons, and I cannot stand that terminology love on the other side.

I love that a lot of people are starting to embrace what they want to do. For so long, I heard so many of my clients say the terminology of like, well, my husband prefers X, Y, Z and of course I get people want to like make their spouse, husband like happy. I, I fully understand that. But there’s starting to be more of this independency of, if I feel good, my spouse will love me.

End of story, period. They, they married me for me and this is gonna make me happy. And so many people, and kudos to the spouses that encourage. Their partners to do what makes them happy. I’m seeing more and more of that, and I genuinely feel like it’s making a change in relationships between hairstylist client and the client and their spouse.

Yes. And

Christa Innis: I think then they can probably leave feeling so much better too. Like, oh, I’m not just like checking a box of like what they like to see me in. Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like that applies to like wedding stories too. I’ve seen too, like, so, so many times that rides right in, they like do something that like, oh, what will so and so, like, what does so and so want to see?

And I think one thing we’re getting better at, and I don’t know if it’s like a millennial thing or what, but um, getting better at like, no, this makes me feel good. Like, I’m gonna do this for me. And it’s not selfish. It’s because like I deserve it. You know, or it’s like I deserve to feel just as good as that person does.

So I love that.

Bailey Lavender: So I’ve seen, which you probably see this as well, but since being a hairstylist, I talk to a lot of different people about they’re going to someone’s wedding or they’re planning a wedding. And I don’t do wedding here myself. Currently. I’m thinking about getting back into it because I have a friend who doesn’t and it, uh, she makes it look enjoyable.

Yeah. But, um, I see a lot of people that are going to weddings and for a super long time, a lot of brides required everyone to look identical.

Christa Innis: Hmm. And

Bailey Lavender: unfortunately trying to make everyone look identical, no one did. And it threw everything off. Bridesmaids were not feeling beautiful in their dressings.

’cause it did, it wasn’t made for them. Or their hairstyle. It doesn’t work for their face. Or you could just tell they felt off or icky in their own skin. You want that person to feel gorgeous on a day that you’re celebrating altogether. And I’m seeing more and more of these brides be like, no, this is my wedding day, but I still want you to feel beautiful.

And they’re like, just be like, Hey, find a dress that makes you feel pretty within this color palette or within this style. Wear your hair exactly how you want, but just don’t wear it exactly like mine. Like it there, there’s way more leniency in the bridal world equaling out with the hair world. Yeah. Um, and it’s, it’s creating this inclusivity that I’m loving.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I love it so much. ’cause some of the, yeah, some of the earlier weddings I was in, it was like a uniform. Yeah. Like you put on this dress and it’s like. It’s fine. We’re all, we all match. Exactly. Luckily, I don’t think I’ve ever been in one where we had to match the hair and dress, but it’s like dress in shoes.

Exactly. Um, but I’ve seen a lot of weddings where it’s like, hair has to all be an updo, hair has to be like this. And it’s like, what if that doesn’t look good on me? I don’t feel like myself. Um, but yeah, I, I’ve been seeing more and more like, pick, pick any dress in this color family or pick any dress from this website.

And I’m like, I love that too, because we’re all different. We all have different body types and I just feel like you want, you want your people up there to feel comfortable in their own skin too.

Knowing Your Role, Setting Boundaries, and Showing Up Right on the Big Day

Bailey Lavender: One of my friends, a few years ago, she had a wedding and she did the, the style where like she has the color and the style that she wants, but the, how it’s constructed, you get to choose as a bridesmaid.

She just wanted everybody in something a little different than one another. And I didn’t fully understand it at the time because when she was getting married it was kind of abnormal for that. And then looking at every single bridesmaid, there was me who is tall. There was another girl who was short.

There’s one who was ex had extreme chest, right? Like very big compared to mine. And I was in like a strapless dress. And she, looking at her, I was like, strapless dress would not have looked good on you. Or not even not look good. It would not felt good on her. Yeah. And it just, it was one of those moments that was eyeopening to me of like, you care about every single person in your wedding party, not just about your day.

Christa Innis: Yes, 100%. You want your people to feel just as good as you do. And I’ve seen the weddings where it’s like they’re put all in this like form fitting strapless dress and everyone’s

 just there and like you can tell when people don’t feel comfortable, but they’re just gonna like suck it up. And yeah, I did something similar at mine.

Like it was like, I think it was like. Any of the mo of col like shades they could pick. And some did strapless, some did, um, lower cuts. Some did sho like sleeves. And I knew everyone has their own insecurities and their own favorite parts of their body that they can just, you know, they, they wanna accentuate.

Um, same with like hair and makeup too. I was like, do what you want with your hair and makeup. Get it done or don’t, I don’t care. I want you to feel like you. Um, so I feel like that pressure too in some ways. I know there’s some very extreme wedding industry where it’s like, you still gotta do follow my uniform.

But I do see, I feel like overall you’re right about that.

Bailey Lavender: I think it truly is based upon who you’re friends with, right? Where you understand your friends, you understand if someone is extremely Type A and they want something a specific way, and they have to have that vision their entire life. Um, none of my friends are that way because I am not that kind of person and I struggle to be a Type A and a lot of times the weddings that I see, they’re all like the Type A bride.

They’re all kind of that way. So it works. Like I’ve seen brides that they have, I mean down to timeframe of when they’re eating breakfast and when they’re brushing their teeth, type of like schedule Uhhuh and all of their bridesmaids work that way. And so it works for their wedding. Yes. Where any, any wedding I’ve ever been in, it’s not formulated like that because I don’t have friends like that because I am a bad friend to a type A person.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, I totally get that. Yes. Knowing your friends is like. Is key. So I always say in like a lot of these bridesmaid stories I get where I’m like, if, if it’s not communicated ahead of time or you feel like you’re being asked of something that is like outta your comfort zone, you can decline. It’s okay to decline and just be like, this is not the right, I’d rather come as a guest or you know, vice versa.

Like if it’s just not a good match, it’s okay. I know there’s sometimes hurt feelings, but I feel like it’s better to just. Be like, you know what? I’d rather just support you and be there as a guest and I don’t wanna spend all, you know, thousands of dollars on a bachelorette with all new clothes or, you know, whatever that ask is.

And have those boundaries. For sure. Yeah.

Bailey Lavender: I was asked to be in a wedding a few years ago, and I had to have the very un uncomfy conversation with her that she took phenomenally, because like I said, I’m very pick picky about the people I have around me.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: And she wanted me to do hair for the wedding, but then she also wanted me a bridesmaid and I was like, listen, I would love to do one or the other.

Yeah. Whichever one you prefer me to be in, I will do, but I cannot do both, because she had like a ton of bridesmaids and I was like, I can’t enjoy your day if I’m on the clock so I can do your hair and mine and be a bridesmaid, or I can do everybody’s. So you’re gonna have to choose.

Christa Innis: I love that you said that because that relates to a lot of the stories that we’ve gotten to where it’s like.

People will ask someone that’s already a part of the wedding or a family member will come in and be like, I’ll be your photographer. And they also wanna be a guest. They also wanna be the aunt. And it’s like, just be either a friend that day, family member, or be a vendor. It’s hard to do all things and really, because you, you like, you hear about the photographer where it’s like, then they don’t get the photos or it’s like they’re distracted talking to somebody so they’re not taking the photos, you know?

So I think it’s a lot. Yeah, that was like such like a good way to communicate that.

Bailey Lavender: I think it’s important not only as someone who gets to be able to attend such a special day, that you pay attention to what your goal is in that moment, right? Mm-hmm. Is my goal to support her. ’cause I was there for the bride.

Is my goal to support her on the wedding day as a bridesmaid or. Right, because those are two vastly different things and I have to show up in the best way for her that day. So if you’re a photographer that day, you better be making sure you’re giving her the best photos of her entire life. ’cause this is an important day, or the bridesmaid or whatever it is, I believe on an important day, you have to show up wholeheartedly for what they’re asking of you.

And if you don’t, then you’re letting them down. And I refuse to let people down like that.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I love that. That’s great advice because I feel like a lot of times too, we wanna be able to do it all for our friends. We say, yes, yes, yes. But in the long run, that can actually hurt them or hurt who you are as like whatever job they’re asking you to do. Like you can’t do it all. It’s just not possible. And you can be a better friend by being like this or this. 

Red Flags, Green Flags, and Wedding Chaos

Okay. I wanna do, before we get to the main story that we’re gonna react to, and we’re gonna do a little this or that, it’s a red flag verse green flag. So I’m gonna read a statement and you’re gonna tell me if it’s a red flag or green flag.

Um, I think most of the time they’re pretty obvious, but some will, will toy back and forth with. Okay. Um, here we go. Your future mother-in-law gets her hair styled, almost identical to yours, and the guests keep complimenting her bridal look.

Bailey Lavender: I think it’s a great flag. I find it to be a compliment that you want my same hairstyle, but some people may, uh, defer.

I know. I,

Christa Innis: I think that’s a very good way to look at it too, because like me, like I, I get along with my mother-in-law so well, and so like, she has better style than I do. She like know she’s so good with that stuff, so I wouldn’t take it personally or take it offensively either. Yes, yes. I said the white dress thing.

I’m like, if my grandma, my mom, or my mother-in-law came in a white dress, I would not have been mad. I would not have cared.

Bailey Lavender: See, like you said, I have a phenomenal relationship with my mother-in-law, but I also know that just because we have, if we do the same hairstyle, it’s gonna look different on her than it does on me.

She found inspiration. I mean, that’s what the internet is. The Pinterest, if you get on Pinterest, you’re gonna probably copy something that someone else has done. Because you think it’s beautiful? I don’t think it’s bad.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Um, okay. The photographer insists on group photos now, but one bridesmaid refuses because her hair is only halfway done.

Bailey Lavender: That’s complicated because of course I would want my mine to be done, so I feel like that’s a green flag. She doesn’t wanna ruin the bride’s pictures.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think I would wanna start if my bridesmaid wasn’t done, because I feel

Bailey Lavender: like that’s the bridesmaid looking out for the bride. You can wait five more minutes to let this be finished so that she can get her pic, her perfect pictures.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s when a day of coordinator or wedding planner needs to come in and say, Hey photographer, we’re gonna wait five more minutes.

Bailey Lavender: You can go, let’s go do this instead. Yes,

Christa Innis: yes. Yeah. Because I feel like too, like a good day of coordinator or a good photographer will know how to quickly move around if like, oh, something’s gonna take a little bit longer, instead of forcing someone to be halfway done.

I would never want that for my bridesmaid. Um, the DJ plays the wrong song for your first dance, and instead of fixing it, he just keeps going.

Bailey Lavender: As a red flag because it happened to me. It did. It did. Oh, so I’ve been married twice. At my first wedding, we had like the whole shebang and the dj, it was a rarity that a single song that was played correctly happened.

And so I got mad and was like, why are we even paying this man? We should just played a Spotify playlist at this point. And so I say, red flag,

Christa Innis: oh my gosh, what did you guys do? Did you guys stop? And then like be like, Hey, can you,

Bailey Lavender: no. ’cause I didn’t want anybody else to know he was messing up. It was my day.

Christa Innis: Oh, like I’ve had it wrong. You’re so nice. I just saw a video where this happened. This girl posted about like their DJ experience, I can’t remember the account name now, but there was three different times. So during the ceremony, like they’re like literally doing their vows and he just starts blasting a song.

And then during their first dance, no cake cutting, he plays like a complete different song and they’re like, get about to like do the switch, whatever. And she just stopped. She’s like, this isn’t the song. And she’s like, I wasn’t afraid to say no because by this point it kept being like wrong place, wrong time music.

Like so good

Bailey Lavender: for her. I was not a confrontational person at the time. So like my walking down the aisle, wrong song, oh, uh, flower Girls, wrong song, first Dance, wrong song, daddy Daughter, wrong song. It was just like the, the, I’m telling you it was a rarity that the right song was played.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. And you just like went with it.

You’re just like, here we go.

Bailey Lavender: Uh, because I, my aunt at the time was a wedding coordinator and she and I had a very real conversation of it is a rarity that you will have. Everything go right on your wedding day. Yeah. It is not about the wedding day, it is about the marriage. Mm-hmm. And if you harp on this now, then everything will just be wrong because you’re gonna live in the negative.

So just let it go and keep going with your beautiful day.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s such a great point because I feel like, and, and I get mixed reviews in the comments when I say stuff like this, but I’m like, not like you’re causing more drama, but if you like stop everything or you stress about one thing not going exactly right, it is gonna weigh on you and then you’re gonna be thinking about it and then you’re gonna think about, how did I react to that?

Or did someone see that? Or you know, like that’s how my brain works anyways. Like if I do like put my foot down or say something, I’m like, did I come off rude? Oh my gosh, was there a picture? You know, was, was I doing something that I wouldn’t normally say? Um, so yeah, and even like these were like, I.

Relationship or drama, things that happen at weddings, I’m like, again, I got very lucky. I haven’t experienced that. I did not experience it at my own wedding. But some of these scenarios I’m like, for certain things I would just let it go On that day. Be in your wedding bliss. Ignore the little chatter that’s maybe happening, or someone that’s being negative because you don’t want it to take away, otherwise, you’re gonna just weigh on.

It’s gonna weigh on you and you’re just gonna be thinking about it. When you think about your wedding day.

Bailey Lavender: And also back to your friends surrounding you. I am big on, like at both of my weddings, I had the people that are most important to me, that know me the best, surrounded around me. And there was moments that something would go wrong and I could lean to one of them and say, dah, dah, dah, dah, something’s not right, blah, blah, blah.

And they would go handle it. They would go do it. And same for when I’ve been in weddings. Like there has been stepmothers sit in mother’s seats on the wedding day, and that was not okay. Like they were not close with the stepmother.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Bailey Lavender: one of the bridesmaids went up there and handled it, and then they went back and got into line and we went on.

But like, yes, the bride, it should just be the bride and groom or whoever’s getting married. Not just bride and groom, but whoever’s getting married, they should just have a day of bliss. And if something goes wrong, someone else handle it or just let it be.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I love that. All right, we’ve got a couple more and then we’ll get into the story.

Sorry if I’m going a little over on time. Do you have a, do you have a. We’re good. I’m good. All right, cool. All right, next one. The groom disappears with his friends for almost an hour during the reception. While guests are left waiting.

Bailey Lavender: Red flag,

Christa Innis: I like Yeah, I would say red flag. Red flag. Um, bride insists on a second.

Outfit change, but doesn’t tell anyone. Leaving the reception paused for 45 minutes.

Bailey Lavender: Girl. You need to practice this. Come on. I get things go wrong. It’s hard to get in and out of dresses, but like if you’re, if you guys are wanting a, a dress range of some sort, plan it properly. Don’t let people go hungry.

Don’t let people go be questioning what’s going on. Have something to distract them. If it’s gonna take you a while and get outta your dress, whatever it is, yeah. Plan accordingly. Because a lot of people are there to celebrate you and if you disappear, they’re like, what’s happening?

Christa Innis: Yes. There’s always gotta be something going on.

So if you disappear for a little bit, have music started or have appetizers out, whatever that is. Um, ’cause yeah, I, I just read a story where a girl set her and her groom or partner, they went for photos, but they didn’t tell anybody and the photographer didn’t tell anybody. So the parents thought they left and then they left.

And I’m like, how? How did they just go, oh, I guess the wedding’s over. Like, we’re just gonna go home. Like, I don’t know how that happens, but let’s

Bailey Lavender: communicate. Let’s not just leave. Mm-hmm. Just let somebody be the designator, communicate, communication person, whatever you wanna call it. Yes. Just communicate with everybody.

They’re there to celebrate you and your partner and your next life experience. Let, there are people around you. I’m very dramatic, so a lot of my people, if I came out was like, Hey, I want an outfit change so I can actually dance. Gimme a minute. Love y’all. Have a great time. Bye. Yeah. They’d be like, okay.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And then they would just know, and like time goes fast at weddings, like they would know, but if they’re just like sitting there hungry, like waiting, they’re just gonna be like, okay, what’s, what is happening? Yes. Yeah. People don’t like not knowing. I feel like if people are fine waiting, if they just know what’s going on.

Bailey Lavender: Exactly. Some people have gotten babysitters and they are confused of what’s happening. They feel like you’re dragging your feet or something is happening and they’re like, listen. Crunch in here, I gotta get back to my kid, or I gotta do something else. And they’ve taken time outta their day to be there for you.

Respect them enough to also like inform them of what’s going on.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%. Okay. Um, I got one more and then we’ll get into the story. Okay. A parent gives a toast that includes embarrassing childhood stories. The couple begged them not to share.

Bailey Lavender: It’s a red flag because my family, we do that out of love unless it’s like something bad, right?

Um, and we’re like, no, please don’t do that. But we giggle at the fact that it is still told, right? We know the ones that are are gonna be told. And so I feel like that one’s a wishy-washy one for me because it depends on the family dynamic. It depends on the friend dynamic and it depends on what kind of story it was.

Christa Innis: Yes, totally. I feel like there’s so many. It’s a big spectrum of like Yeah. What’s, accept, what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s like your relationship with the parent. Mm-hmm. And your, I feel like maybe your sense of humor because Yeah. I feel like, like we had, like our best man in our wedding, like is hilarious.

And he gave, he said so many jokes and I’m like, if anyone else would’ve said some of those like that maybe we weren’t close with, obviously they wouldn’t have been at the wedding, but you know what I’m saying? Like, if it was something we weren’t close with, that would’ve been kind of weird. But like, because like he’s funny and like, we’re like, say whatever you want.

Like everyone was cracking up. So it’s always knowing, like I feel like it’s knowing your audience and like the relationship too of what’s Okay. Exactly. Yeah. Just some people don’t have the those cues,

Bailey Lavender: so I

Christa Innis: don’t know.

Bailey Lavender: Yes. I’ve been at a wedding before with my dad where someone got on stage and they got a hold of a microphone and you could tell that they were not instructed to do so.

And my dad, he’s a very large man and he knew the man and so he got up there and took the mic from him and just was like, it is so good that we’ve heard from him tonight. Everybody clap. And it was just like one of those moments, I was like, go, dad, thank you for saving this wedding. That is, and I think it’s, again, I keep coming back to this, who you surround yourself with.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh, 100%. Oh my gosh. People, he needs to be like, at weddings where like, things might happen because I, the number of stories I’ve heard, I’ve seen stories of like people just passing mic or I’ve seen them, people just pass the mic around and it’s like an hour later waiting on dinner and you’re like, where are we still doing speeches?

And it’s just random

Bailey Lavender: and they’re saying the same things over and over. We’re so excited for Please write it down on the card. We wanna have fun. Yeah, we got DJ for a little bit longer on a dance.

Christa Innis: Yes. We’ve we’ve got an end time. We wanna, we wanna get to, yeah. Um, awesome. Yeah, I think that’s, that’s a great, um, great way to handle that.

The Seamstress Who Stole the Spotlight

Okay, let’s get into this week’s blind story, rea or blind story reaction. These are wedding stories that are sent to me, so here we go. I’ve not read it either. Here we go. Okay. I initially contacted a seamstress for simple alterations to a gown I already owned, but she insisted on designing my dream dress from scratch.

Throughout the process, she was kind and seemed genuine, genuinely excited to help, which made me trust her. Little did I know that on my wedding day, she would transform from a helpful vendor into an uninvited wedding. Crasher. Whoa. Okay. Overstaying her welcome and turning what should have been into a A beautiful day.

Into a nightmare. Oh, wait. She was supposed to help me into the dress and leave once I was ready, but she completely ignored my clear instructions. I told her several times she was free to go, yet she lingered as if she were on the guest list. It felt like she had no concept of boundaries or any awareness.

That she was supposed to, wasn’t supposed to be there. My friends who were there to help me get ready kept complaining about her presence because she constantly inserted herself into everything in her mind. She may have thought she was helping, but all she did was interfere and raw. My friends of their roles in supporting me.

After the ceremony, things only got worse. She repeatedly pulled me aside to fix the dress. I dragging me away from guests in photos. Ooh, that I would ha, I don’t know how I would react to this. Like, what are your thoughts so far? So

Bailey Lavender: it’s a double-edged sword because I understand the being prideful of the dress that she created and wanting to be there to experience it.

But in reality, it’s not your day. Ask for photos, ask if you can take pictures or whatever. Um. Uh, that is tough because ultimately I think my family would’ve just been like, Hey, thank you for coming. You can leave. But like, also as a hairstylist, I have been invited to a wedding to do hair before and there was no clear instructions of if they wanted me to stay and fix their hair throughout the night or if it was from time for me to go.

And so I had to just blatantly ask, what do you want of me? Um, because some people want you to stay to do a hair change from ceremony to perception, but if they don’t know, that gets tricky. But a lot of people assume that the person does know, but also you never take a bride away from a conversation unless they’re giving you the look of healthy.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And it’s hard because it sounds like. She just assumed this girl would just know what to do. This woman would know what to do. And it’s hard ’cause you don’t wanna like, you don’t wanna be like, okay, your end time is this time. Once the dress is on you can go. Unless maybe she did say that and the woman still stayed.

Um, but yeah, it’s hard ’cause I know even as like a day of coordinator, like there’s been times where like pretty much once the dances start I’m like free to go. But there’s been times where I’m also invited as a guest. They’re like, oh, stay for dinner, stay for dancing after. And then depending on how close I am, I usually will just see myself out.

’cause I’m like, I’m not family member or close friend. I’ll just let them enjoy their day. But other times I’ll stay for dinner and I’ll like hang out. Um. But it’s knowing where you like fit in and where you like don’t fit in.

Bailey Lavender: And then also I’m, from how it sounds, it doesn’t sound like the bride was like, Hey, I would love for you to come to my wedding and spend the day there.

And that is one thing. It’s like, I would never assume that I was invited. And that is wild to me on top of the fact that like, I’ve never heard of a seamstress or wedding dress designer bringing the dress to the venue.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was shocked by that too. I didn’t know if that was like a common thing. ’cause I’ve never heard of that.

Bailey Lavender: I’ve never heard of it. Maybe if you’ve ever come across this, anybody watching this, please let us know because that is wild to me.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Bailey Lavender: I’ve had so many brides, they, they go a week or two before, if it’s normally brides like it done before then, but at least a week or two before they get their dress and then they have it hanging in their closet where a bridesmaid or a mother, the bride or groom has it, and then they bring it to the, the venue.

I’ve never heard of a strength seamstress being there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m wondering if there was like, some kind of connection with this seamstress, like a family friend or something, or like, there’s some connection Yeah. That would, that would make it complicated. Yeah. ’cause then she’s like, oh, I’m gonna carry this with pride because they’re all gonna see this dress that I made, and then I need to make sure it’s perfect in every photo and I need to help her, Dr.

Get dressed and make sure it’s everything. But like, like I, I was just saying before, I was like, I’ve been to and been a part of so many weddings and even when the bride has an outfit change, they like do it themselves. Or like a mom helps ’em or a bridesmaid. Never The seamstress. ‘

Bailey Lavender: cause it’s a, it’s an important moment.

Like so many women want that picture of their mom lacing them up, their sister or whoever, like is important in their life. Helping them get ready, putting their shoes on, like fixing their train. The, the hand placements, it sounds like silly, but so many women, you know, the important people in your family or friends or whoever, you know, what their hands look like.

And years down the road when you’re looking back at those photos and you see their hands, they may no longer be here. It matters to you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: And she took that from her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That would really, I feel like, really bother me. Like that might be, I always say like, there’s always a moment and even people pleasers, like I, I always say I’m a recovering people pleaser, but there’s always that moment where it’s like, it’s gone too far.

And I feel like if it were something like that on my wedding day, I’d be like, I would really like my friends here to be able to do this. Like. The X, I don’t know. I don’t think I would do that, but I’m like, it’s so hard to like put yourself in that position. Yeah. How would I handle this?

Bailey Lavender: See, and again, back to the people you surround yourself with.

I keep harping on this, but like the peop my family and my friends would’ve pulled me aside and been like, did you ask for this? And if I gave them a face of no, then they’re like, don’t worry about it. I’ve got it. And they were just gone and handled the situation. But again, we don’t know all of it. We don’t know if she was a family friend where they didn’t feel comfortable doing that because they didn’t know the depths of their relationship.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Okay. So, um, okay. So she pulled her away from guests and photos. It was as if she was determined to be a part of every moment, completely oblivious to how disruptive and intrusive she was being. She had no self-awareness whatsoever. To make matters even more offensive, she made rude comments about my husband’s race.

So now she’s just a rude person.

Bailey Lavender: Absolutely not. Would not fly? No. Okay. That I can see a lot of things in a lot of different perspectives. I can see where you’re wanting to be there for the dress. You’re wanting to try to be helpful. Maybe you have overstepped and you don’t understand personal boundaries.

That is a hard stop. Yeah,

Christa Innis: that would

Bailey Lavender: be

Christa Innis: absolutely. No, you’re, you’re out here. No, you’re being escorted at this point, that part.

Bailey Lavender: Do you no longer get the first comment? You’re out.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s, this is your client. If you’re making that comment about your clients, I can only mention what you’re saying behind the scenes.

So, yeah. No, not, not gonna fly. When, when I expressed that I was stressed, she told me it was my own fault for DIYing my wedding, I was floored. The audacity and lack of empathy was shocking. Her behavior was not just unprofessional, it was downright inappropriate. Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is way worse than I thought.

When we got our wedding photos back, my heart sank. She had her phone in my face in countless pictures, ruining moments that should have been timeless. I would be so upset. I feel so bad for this bride.

Bailey Lavender: I have a friend who she only does wedding photography and the amount of hate that she gets sometimes from like other people that are in weddings because she’s like, Hey, I need you to move to the side.

Or, Hey, put down your phone. Or, Hey, it’s supposed to be a wire or a phoneless ceremony because I, she’s paying me for these photos because she likes the way I do things and she’s not wanting them. And the amount of times that she’s posted where you can see a phone completely disrupting a photo that would’ve been, like you said, timeless

Christa Innis: and

Bailey Lavender: would’ve hung it in their bedroom forever or in their living room forever and now because of a phone.

Yeah. Is there

Christa Innis: everyone? Yeah. I know that’s, that’s terrible. I know. It’s like the people that always think like their phone’s gonna get the better job of the photographer and it’s like, no. Like they are a trained professional with a camera. Let them do their job. Um, I know I’ve been to weddings where it’s like, put your phones away and there’s still people taking photos, holding up their iPads or whatever it is, and it’s like, just put it away.

Take a photo later, pull ’em aside if you need to, but

Bailey Lavender: get little like one-offs from like when you’re sitting at the table at dinner and the, the setting is stunning and beautiful. Get your own little, like point of view picture and send it to her or put it in an album for them to look at later if they’re wanting some like B roll type of content, but let the photographer or the videographer or have you heard of wedding Content Creators?

I have. I just heard about this this week and I was like, that is phenomenal. Good for these people. Like making a new like. Avenue for income, but because I’ve always thought about that. It’s like these brides, they, they don’t wanna play on their phones and bridesmaids are doing a thousand other things.

And now there’s wedding content creators that go to weddings to get B-roll content for these brides. Phenomenal. Yes. But do that, don’t take, don’t think that your iPhone’s gonna be better than the camera or the editing style that. The brighter groom or whoever is paying for this wedding wanted.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Yeah. It’s definitely knowing what you were hired for and what you’re there to do and be done with the job. Because like, even as a day of coordinator, like my, the last wedding I worked like in the morning before the photographer came, like, it was part of like our contract, our calls. Like I was like, I’ll take like behind the scene photos when you guys are doing makeup done.

’cause I knew the photographer wasn’t gonna get there until noon. So I was like, I’ll do that before they come. As soon as the photographer came, I was like, my phone’s away. You don’t need me. Surely you don’t need this iPhone. Um, and, and even when I was like taking pictures of like, just stuff around, I was like very cautious about like, I did it before anyone was like in a setting just to take pictures of behind the scenes.

And even then I’m like. Phone should be away, like as if a, as a vendor. That’s not your, it’s not your job unless you’re a photographer, but

Bailey Lavender: well also, if you think about it from the persons whose wedding you’re at, right? Bride, groom, whoever. If you see this, it looks rude. It looks like you’re not present for their most or not most important day, but extremely important day to them.

You could be looking through these pictures that you just took because you think that they’re phenomenal and you can’t wait to send them, but they are gonna remember how you were on your phone at their important day. Yeah, and that’ll stick with them.

Christa Innis: 100%. Yes. No, I totally agree. It’s, yeah, it’s the fact that she was, I feel like she was so into her phone and what she was gonna be able to bring home or post to her website that she was like, I don’t care about this bride.

I, I care, I selfish. Mm-hmm. 100%.

Bailey Lavender: I can’t believe I, the, I’ll never get over the selfishness that goes into so many people that weddings, I feel like. They forget that it’s somebody’s important day. Mm-hmm. Someone is dedicating their life to someone else, like it’s beautiful, and so many people see, what can I get out of this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep. I think that’s where a lot of these stories like stem from is people don’t, people either can’t celebrate, someone else, can’t allow the limelight to be on somebody else, or Yeah. They’re just thinking about their own like selfish gain. Especially because I don’t normally get vendor stories.

Every once in a while I get a story that’s from a vendor or about a vendor, but it’s very slim. Usually it’s like more family or friend bridesmaid stuff. So when I get something like this, it’s just. Oh, like you’re supposed to be the professional

Bailey Lavender: because so many vendors go into wedding vending in any right way, shape, or form because they love weddings.

They love the beauty of it and the stress that comes with it because it’s high intensity and they enjoy it and they love making it a stress free day as much as possible. And then family and friends sometimes come in with the great or with the right intentions, but unfortunately some of them are there just to ruin someone’s day.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Oh, it’s so unfortunate. Um, so it says even worse. Oh no. She positioned herself in front of the photographer as I walked down the aisle.

Bailey Lavender: Not that it’s just making me mad. Like everything, everything new. It is just, I’m getting more and more heated. I’m sorry. You’re like,

Christa Innis: in the beginning you’re like, I’m being more positive and I’m like, here’s some drama.

How do you feel?

Bailey Lavender: I’m angry.

Christa Innis: Like, we’re gonna go like do a meditation after this. Yes. I know because I’m like photographer. I’d be like, get out. Who are you? Get outta my way.

Bailey Lavender: So also what I’m hearing is that girlfriend did not have a seat. So you should have known get out, leave. Yeah. It’s time for you to go.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you, you gotta go. Because of that, I have no unobstructed photos of that. Once in a lifetime moment. Oh my gosh. That would make me so mad. Despite my explicit request for an unplugged ceremony and my clear instructions that she could only post photos of the dress without tagging me. She uploaded a video of my husband crying as I walked down the aisle.

Such a, seeing such a raw, personal moment shared online without my consent was devastating. So yeah, she’s doing it for her own personal gain for her own business.

Bailey Lavender: And are we gonna talk about the fact that she’s gonna upload a video of a man loving his now wife that you wanted to make racial comments about?

Mm-hmm. No ma’am.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this woman has no, she’s there just to get photos for, to help her own business and does not care about anyone else at this point.

Bailey Lavender: Mm-hmm. That is disgusting behavior.

Christa Innis: Ugh. When I left her a negative review, I was gonna ask, or I was gonna see if she left this spiel, calling out her unprofessionalism.

She didn’t apologize. Instead, she harassed me, responding by trashing my friends. Not once did she take responsibility. I’m guessing now it’s not a family friend because there’s, there’s no connection here. I don’t think she takes, not once did she take responsibility or show an ounce of remorse for how she ruined my day.

I wanna know who this is. She should share her story on TikTok. Um. Now my husband and I are planning a separate photo shoot because of our wedding photos being ruined by her constant interference. What should have been the happiest day of my life is now clouded by frustration and disappointment, all because she couldn’t respect basic professional boundaries.

If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that even the kindest seeming vendors can cross the line and derail your day. I trusted her with something precious, and she abused that trust leaving me with memories. I’ll never be able to fully get back.

Bailey Lavender: Oh, that makes me so

Christa Innis: sad.

Bailey Lavender: This is where them type a brides have it, right?

The ones that give you way too much information, you’re like, girl, of course I’m gonna leave whenever you need me to. Or of course you don’t have to worry about telling me that, duh.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: They’ve got it right because they’re, they know that there is a possibility that something goes awry like this, and they’re making sure they handle it beforehand.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s why I always think it’s like there’s always rules for things because someone has broken it or someone has done something that like this, you know? And it’s like it sucks because the reason there are so many, like strict brides or brides are like, this is because, and stuff like this. But then they get called a bridezilla and it’s like, no, like being firm with your boundaries does not make you a bridezilla.

Bailey Lavender: Well, it’s you understanding what could go awry. I mean, it’s similar to like, I put the light or the outlet covers over my outlets because there’s a possibility that my son puts his finger in it and they electrocute himself. You know, but they’re prepping themselves to make sure there is nothing that goes wrong and that they don’t have to stress on their wedding day because they’ve stressed before.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it’s, it’s, it’s, so I feel like it’s so easy to like read these stories and be like, this is what I would’ve done, but. It’s hard in those like moments of like, especially like, like we were talking about earlier, it’s like you wanted to be in your wedded bliss. You don’t want this drama to affect you, but she also didn’t let it affect her and then she saw the pictures.

Yeah. And so she’s, so it’s like at that point it’s like, should she have been? But she probably didn’t notice at that point. She was so, you know, in, in the moment and she probably didn’t notice, like this woman, her phone’s out in front of my photographer, like, you’re just expecting the photographer to do their job.

They’re fine. And that sucks that that happened. I feel so

Bailey Lavender: bad, I don’t know about anyone else, but on my wedding days it was such a blur because there was so much going on. I had a thousand things running through my brain, um, that the photos and the videos mattered the most to me be, or like outside of getting married.

But because I knew that I was going to forget important moments or miss important moments. Yes. And when you obstruct those or you ruin. A day that the bride remembers nothing but the negative things that you did on such an important day. Mm-hmm. That matters.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: Yeah. And honestly, you should take accountability and I’m so sorry.

Like that was never what I wanted for your wedding day. It was something

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think some of these vendors like that I’ve seen like in different tiktoks drama stores or something that don’t take accountability, they don’t realize that you’re ma, they’re making it so much worse for their business.

’cause there’s a current TikTok drama going on right now that I saw someone just tag me in it where she. Basically it’s a caterer situation. I don’t know the whole story, but the caterer kind of ruined her wedding day. Like certain things that she had set up and planned. They like, they like, uh, what did they do?

They put the cake topper through the cake instead of like putting it at the top. So it like, actually like broke the cake in half. They didn’t pull it out ahead of time to like, um, defrost. So it was like rock hard. So her husband and I and her couldn’t even like, take bites of the cake. So she’s trying to like, just act like it’s fine.

There was like a list of things and I guess she, like, like the person that she worked with all along didn’t even come to the wedding. It was another person. And then they kept saying, we won’t help you or talk to you until you remove your review. So I’m like, now she’s telling everyone on TikTok because you’re not helping her.

So now everyone knows who this person is ’cause they’re just unwilling to help. And I’m like, if you just fix it and apologize. Yes. Some things cannot be fixed. Like obviously the photographer. The photos can’t be fixed, but they’re gonna make it so much worse where no one’s gonna go to them because, no instance.

Bailey Lavender: Because if in reality, if one person has had that such horrible experience, they’re comfortable doing it. So someone else may have had at least a little bit of that same kind of person from them. Right. Because they are so comfortable with so much unprofessionalism because I mean, obviously she probably did a good job on her dress if she allowed her to make it from scratch.

Yeah. So this is not her first rodeo of making a wedding dress. So who else has also struggled with this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It makes me wonder if other people had issues in the past, um, or if maybe the seamstress typically is not invited to an outfit change. So in her mind she heard that and was like, oh, I’m a part, they’re inviting me.

They’re part, they really like me. But either way. It just kept getting worse, worse, worse and worse. Not understanding boundaries, not understanding, being professional on a wedding day. There’s like, there’s no excuse for that behavior.

Bailey Lavender: Not in any way, shape or form. Anything that was done was not okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Wow, that’s terrible. I feel so bad for the right. I’m glad they like are doing their own like photo shoot to hopefully like recreate some of the photos and stuff because

Bailey Lavender: it’s fun to do that anyways because your style may change or where you wanna put the photos may want a different style and you get to do something different and fun.

And I think so many people only get professional photos, or not even professional photos, they only get photos done or take photos at their wedding day or at kids’ birthday parties or something. And if you continue that, you get to see the progression of how you age and grow together and how your style changes.

And it’s all beautiful and you should like want to do that together forever.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I love that the reminder to do more photo shoots because I do feel like after you, like it’s like you get engaged, you have your wedding and then you kinda like forget. Like I was just telling my husband, I’m like, since our daughter’s been born, I’m like, we’ve not done like professional family photos and she’s two and a half.

So I’m like, we gotta like do those things. You have to like actively remember like to have someone take photos and like

Bailey Lavender: I was, I was very luck. I was, God, I can’t word that. I was a very lucky child. My grandmother owned a photography studio when I was really l young and so I grew up with a camera in front of my face.

And so now like at big life events, of course I think of a photographer, but even like the small ones, right? So I think about like at my son’s first birthday I made sure we had family photos, individual photos and like it was a big deal. And from here on out I want every birthday him to we to get photos with him and individually together as well because your family only stays that age for a little bit.

And I wanna see the progression of our life.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And you blink and they’re just like, I know. It’s crazy how, how it all goes. I’m sure you feel the same way. It’s just like wild. I remember someone telling me when like she was a newborn and they’re like, don’t blink. It goes so fast. And then I’m like, how is she like a fully like walking kid, like I don’t understand and she can like talk and have conversations like what?

Bailey Lavender: I feel like it was yesterday that I was super excited that he was sitting up on his own and now he, I have to Caden proof the entire house because he is like Tarzan and climbing up walls and like trying to hang from the rafters. I’m like, dude, you need to chill a little bit. ’cause I’m trying not to. You don’t have nine lives.

I, I don’t know if you know that, but you don’t have nine lives.

Christa Innis: Yes. It’s like you wanna like encourage them to be like, grow and be adventurous, but also like, I wanna kind of keep you in a little bubble because like, don’t get hurt. Please. Like.

Bailey Lavender: Like, I think we cut his toenail short one time, like too short where it bled a little bit and I cried about it for two days.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Bailey Lavender: Like I, I’m that mom. I’m going to allow him to do what he wants and be his own independent child, like you said. But please don’t hurt yourself. ’cause it hurts me worse.

Christa Innis: I know, I know. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Doctor’s visit like anything, like my, my husband and I are just, are weak. Like, I’ll get to the car and I just start like crying.

I’m like, oh my gosh. She was so brave at the doctor, but like, my God, it’s just like

Bailey Lavender: I do it every time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I like that. She thinks I’m, but portraying her. But yeah. Uhhuh, um. Well, I loved having you on. I feel like we had such good conversations. You have like such like a light to you and I feel like you’re so positive and I, I felt like it was just great chatting with you and getting to know you.

Appreciate that.

Bailey Lavender: Thank you.

Christa Innis: For anyone listening again, can you just tell everyone where they can follow you? Um, anything fun and exciting you have coming up and what you’re kinda working on?

Bailey Lavender: Um, you can find me pretty much everywhere on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat I believe as well. Um, I’m the Bailey Lavender, but I’m not under the Bailey Lavender on Facebook.

Someone stole that identity from me and is faking multiple different accounts of that. So make sure, if you are looking for my Facebook account, you go through my TikTok or Instagram. Um, and it will have the link there because unfortunately people are awful. Um, but I’m currently working on. Adding transformations to my schedule, um, where I am trying to get to, where I take what is called like a, um, be like someone’s foster stylist, right?

Christa Innis: Okay. And so

Bailey Lavender: I take someone, I fix their hair at a reasonable price. ’cause unfortunately transformations sometimes are super expensive. Um, and, and fix their hair for a reasonable price. I have them for two to three appointments. I learn about them. I get to know their, who they are, what kind of appointments they prefer, like quiet or talkative or like what that person is to their core and what they enjoy.

And then I have a list of stylists around me in my area that I place them with. That’s their forever stylist, right? And I tell them what I use on them. Figure out like that. If that salon, if it’s upbeat, put them with someone that’s there. Or if they’re needing something more secluded, a little bit more relaxing, put them somewhere that has like a suite where they’re in there by themselves and they get to have a relaxing experience.

And make sure that like everybody that’s on my stylist list acts still also have the same kind of education as me. And so like any new education I’m going to, I’m making sure they know it’s so that they can also attend. And like making sure that I’m not just. Taking everything that comes my way and trying to profit from it, but also like spreading the love.

And I started doing this when I moved to Shelby and I am loving it.

Christa Innis: I love that. I’ve never heard of that, but it makes so much sense because I feel like the wide span of hair salons you can go to, they’re just also different and everyone’s different. So you’d be able to do that like guesswork for them and be like, yeah,

Bailey Lavender: you fit.

And it’s hard as a stylist you are that you have to be everything. You have to be marketing and pr, pr and you have to be booking and cleaning and like you have to do all of that on top of working your schedule as a stylist on your feet all day, like you’re tired. And so a lot of them don’t have the reach that I do, and some people struggle to find their perfect stylist and so I get to just kinda like bridge the gap

Christa Innis: and I,

Bailey Lavender: I think it’s so cool.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s so fun. Yeah, that’s great that, that’s awesome. Like I said, I, I haven’t heard of that before and I feel like that’s such a helpful tool for people to have. Um, and it helps, I feel like helps them know themselves better too a little bit.

Bailey Lavender: Yeah. And also like they’re not spending their whole life savings on fixing their hair and then I get it to a maintainable color or cut or whatever it is, and then place them where they’re just maintaining that, which is a lot more inexpensive than trying to do a huge transformation.

Right.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s so cool. Well, awesome. Well thank you so much for coming on. Like I said, it was great chatting with you. I feel like we covered a lot of topics and um, it was really great to meet you after seeing all your awesome content. I

Bailey Lavender: appreciate that. It was wonderful talking to you today.


A Postpartum Wedding, Seating Chart Snafu, and More Wedding Day Shockers

Imagine being told to pack up your three-day-old newborn and 18-month-old toddler, drive three and a half hours through a snowstorm… all to make it to a wedding. Wild, right?

That’s just the beginning of this week’s story: because the drama only snowballs into kids being banned from weddings and a brother-in-law stuck in the middle! I’m also sharing the ultimate mother-in-law move: trying to hijack the bride’s carefully planned seating chart just to cozy up to her ex. You cannot make this stuff up.

And of course, we’ll wrap it all up with quick-hit confessions: think sabotaged bouquets, off-white dresses, and a garter-removal protest that had the whole room cringing.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:22 Christa’s Journey into Wedding Drama

02:01 Review of the Week

03:03 Introducing Wedding Dilemmas

04:18 Kids at Weddings Dilemma

10:52 Red Flag, Green Flag Wedding Edition

13:59 Story Time: Wedding Drama

17:38 Hospital Discharge and Wedding Rehearsal Drama

18:32 The Snowstorm Journey with Newborns

19:35 Unreasonable Family Demands

20:44 The Wedding Day Ordeal

23:59 Post-Wedding Reflections and Family Tensions

27:51 Story Two: The Mother-in-Law’s Meddling

32:59 Confessions and Listener Stories

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Snowstorm Showdown – A couple was expected to drive 3.5 hours through a blizzard with a three-day-old newborn and a toddler.
  • Fresh Out of Delivery – The bride still demanded attendance, even though the mom had just given birth days before.
  • MIL’s Seating-Chart Sabotage – Another listener story of a mother-in-law secretly trying to swap the bride’s seating plan at the venue.
  • The 11-Year Revenge Laugh – Despite her MIL predicting divorce within a year, the couple is still happily married over a decade later.
  • Bridal Shower Gone Wrong – The MIL’s last-minute bridal-shower invite left the bride’s family scrambling.
  • Family Photo Standoff – The MIL refused joint photos, forcing the wedding photographer into an awkward split-family shoot.
  • Confessions Segment – From a guest who slept in the groom’s bed with the best man to the cousin yelling during the garter toss.
  • The Ivory Dress Excuse – A rehearsal-dinner fiasco when a sister tried to pass off an off-white dress as “not white.”
  • Song-Stealing Drama – A future sister-in-law sparks outrage over a DJ playing “her wedding song” at someone else’s reception.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “People always say these MIL horror stories can’t be real… but I get them in my inbox every single week.” – Christa Innis
  • “If you feel the need to say, ‘It’s not white, it’s ivory,’ then guess what? It’s probably white.” – Christa Innis
  • “Some venues just don’t want to tell a pushy relative ‘no’, and that’s how the seating-chart sabotage begins.” – Christa Innis
  • “I would love to hear these stories from the mother-in-law’s perspective. What does she think actually happened?” – Christa Innis
  • “If a tradition makes everyone cringe—like the garter toss, maybe it’s time we let that one die.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m so glad you’re here. We’ve got a wild episode for you today. I’m your host, Christa Innis. If you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re joining us and I can’t wait for you to dive into this crazy drama with me. If you’re not new, well welcome back.

I’m glad you’re here. This is the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments of weddings and events. Um, just a little about my story is I’ve been a part of so many weddings over the years. Um, I’ve been a bridesmaid and made of honor probably about 10 times I’ve been a bride myself.And then I’ve been hired for different events, day of coordinator, partial wedding planners. I just, people reach out to me to help with different events. And so it all started one day on my maternity leave, I decided to make a video about wedding drama and it blew up. So from there, people just started sending me all these crazy stories and I would react to them.I turn ’em into skits. Never in a million years did I think I would be making skits in my bathroom for you guys. Um. But that’s just what life turned into. Um, someone asked me recently, do you feel awkward or ridiculous when you do these? And yes, 150000%. Sometimes I do these and I’m like, what is my life?What am I doing? Um, but then I see you guys’ comments and I’m like, you know what? People like it. I can laugh at myself. Uh, and it’s great. It’s, it’s a lot of fun. It’s fun to come up with these characters and I always think I’m making them so dramatic and I’m like, yes, it’s for entertainment. And then people comment or send me a message and they’re like, this is exactly how someone in my life is.And I’m like, that is completely wild. I. I’m so lucky to say I haven’t personally experienced this. I have seen things happen to other people, of course, and seen personal or seen stories personally. Um, but luckily no one in my life has treated me like these mother-in-law, mom. They are sister stories. Um, so it’s wild. It’s wild. And I never thought the direction would go this way.

Wedding Dilemmas 911: Child-Free Chaos & Family Feuds 

So I’ve, I’m gonna mix things up. I like to mix things up, keep things interesting on here. So we’re gonna start, um, well, first off, I actually wanna read the review of the week. Okay. So these are reviews that people leave on Apple Podcasts. So wherever you listen, if you are enjoying the podcast, I would absolutely love for you to leave a review. It just really helps more people hear of the show. This one says “I became obsessed with your skits through Facebook. I’m sure like everyone else, and love the drama, so I’m glad that you have a podcast too.” Such a great listen. Thank you for your kind review. It is so good to hear that because jumping into the podcast world was completely different. From doing the skits, but I was getting this influx of stories coming in and there were so many that I just couldn’t act out. Like, you know, I can act out bits, bits and pieces of them, but some were just so detailed and I was like, if I do this without sharing this part, it’s not gonna mean the same thing.

So this was a way to get more stories out and give you guys more entertainment in a different way. So. I’m glad it’s been received well. Okay. Um, a couple weeks ago I introduced a new segment called Wedding Dilemmas. Over time, people have been sending me so many different, um, stories in my inbox, um, whether that’s on social media or in my email, and I wasn’t sure what to make of them.

Sometimes I handle them one-on-one. Sometimes I’ll just reply and I was like, what if we just create it as a segment on the podcast? It’s not gonna be a regular se segment. It’s just gonna be as I receive. Some here and there. Um, but these are just, they’re not full on wedding stories, but it’s just something that’s currently going on or people just don’t know how to address them or it’s something that happened and I’m like, this is something good to bring up.

So people that are listening, maybe they’re going through a similar situation and, and it could help them. So. Here’s how that works. Send me a current or past wedding dilemma and I will give you my complete, honest and unprofessional advice. And why I’m saying that is because I’m not a current, like, full-time wedding planner, so I’m not giving you like, this is what you need to do. I’m just giving it to you as a, as a girlfriend, okay? So I’m just gonna tell you what I would do in this situation. Um, take what works for you and, and leave the rest. You know what? And most of it’s just gonna be for enter entertainment anyways, so, um, it’s just a little, a little fun thing. If you wanna submit one of your own, please email me. Hello@christainnis.com. Subject line Wedding dilemma. Okay, so here’s the first one I got. We actually did a, uh, it was a unpopular opinion. Yes, unpopular opinion about kids at weddings. 

Um, in our Instagram story, we always do some kind of hot take and we always do confessions. Someone sent me this and I thought this was a really important response. She said, comment regarding the kids at wedding events. “I’m not mad or upset if my kids can’t come, but I am mad or upset when the brighter groom get mad that I can’t come if my kids can’t.” Okay. So this is a common thing I’ve heard, and when I started making content about kids at weddings, because people would send me these stories or I see certain things.I was like, why would the bride and groom get mad? I was like, I don’t even understand that. But apparently that’s a thing too, where they just expect because they’re having a wedding, even if kids aren’t invited, that people should just be able to come and drop, drop everything. One, finding a babysitter is not always the easiest thing or trusting someone to watch your kids. Not always the easiest thing. Sometimes dates don’t work out. Abusers are expensive. Sometimes you just don’t wanna leave your kids. And that as a mom, I get that. That’s totally understandable. The, there’s so many more hurdles once you become a parent. 

Um, but let me finish this because there’s so much more to this story. Um, she says, “both my brothers had child-free weddings when I had children, one at. One. Okay. At one wedding, one was seven months old. The next a two and a half year old, and I was seven months pregnant. We traveled to the town for their wedding and knew no one not attending the wedding to watch our son. Both weddings were at a stand one. Both weddings were at a standalone type venue, not near a hotel. In both cases, we made our appearance as guests and left very early to be the ones to put our son down for 9:00 PM bedtime. So he wasn’t too long with a sitter that we didn’t know in an unfamiliar place. Both times the brides were livid that we didn’t stay to enjoy ourselves like they wanted.”

So I have a lot to say about this personal situation. Me personally, and this is what I told her when I replied, me personally, I could never imagine telling siblings of my, of myself or my husband’s siblings. Your kids can’t come. That is like, that’s your niece. Those are your nieces and nephews. Like it was for, for us. We wanted them a part of our day. I know, and not everyone is the same. But to exclude your siblings’ kids just seems like wild to me, especially so little. Like none of mine were that young at the time. I think, I think maybe my niece, the youngest nieces were maybe three when I got married, but even like, like seven months old, I can’t imagine telling a sibling that they can’t bring their kids.

But that’s, and then the other side of it is. They, uh, drove to you. They are willing to travel to you when, in a place where they don’t know anybody, they had to find a babysitter. They didn’t know, which I don’t know if I would do that in a town where I didn’t know anybody. Hire a babysitter where I’ve never met before for a two and a half year old and a seven month old. To me, that is like, I wouldn’t personally do it. Um, you know, if you had an extra grandparent that wasn’t a part of the wedding, that could come. Maybe that’s a little more, maybe I would do that. But then for them to get mad that they left early so they could be the ones to put their kids to bed, they made this long trek with two small kids. So for me, I think I would address the situation before the wedding. And say, here’s what’s gonna happen. We can only stay for a short amount of time. We wanna be the ones to put our kids down for bed. Um, it’s hard to explain when someone doesn’t have kids or, you know, they’re just thinking everyone can just drop, drop everything for their wedding.

Um, so it’s really hard if you wanted them there really bad, I feel like you should have allowed them to come with the kids. Um, but then again. Either way, if they’re sticking to a bedtime, they’re probably gonna wanna leave at that certain time. So we have to remember as the couple getting married as guests, you have to ultimately do what’s best for you. And like for me, again, I would never want someone like in like the wedding to feel like I’m gonna be mad at them. Like it’s not a, it’s. Your kids are more important to you is what I’m trying to say. So that was a wild dilemma. I’m wondering how things are now or if her brothers have kids now, or you know, how that kind of turn of events was. We didn’t have kids other than our nieces and nephews. I’ve talked about this so many times before, times before. Um, some people are all or nothing. Um, so. I don’t know. I just think it’s kind of interesting when, when you cut family members out. I shouldn’t say cut family members out when you just have limits, but you don’t let your family members, you know, or understand more for your family members. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Okay. The next dilemma, “I had a cousin, RSVP for two people. Totally fine. Then she shows up with her boyfriend, her three kids, and her new boyfriend’s mom. What? Six people, no warning, expecting seats, foods, favors, and all of the above. What should we have done?” That is wild. 

So, there’s many different ways you can do this. And again, this is gonna be my unprofessional opinion advice. It’s gonna depend on how you’re, how close you are with this person. If this is a cousin that you’re close to, like maybe they are Ed for a boyfriend or a, okay, wait, it sounds like, okay, so it sounds like it was the cousin and her boyfriend, so you’re just assuming they’re invited. Now, this also sounds like it was probably a no kids wedding. So that’s a whole other layer because if you only invited the cousin and the boyfriend and the kids weren’t invited, I’m guessing that’s the whole other layer. So if it were me and I was doing a no kids wedding and they came with their kids, um, I would probably have a wedding planner or a day of coordinator be like, Hey, excuse me. Um, I see that you brought some extra guests here. Unfortunately, this is a 21 and up wedding. Um, so we’re gonna have to have your boyfriend’s mom maybe take the kids. Is that possibility? Just ’cause there aren’t enough seats. We’ve already planned for X amount and we don’t have extra seats. Um, because that’s a lot of extra people.

That’s not just three. That’s not just one extra person. We’re talking four extra people. So. That’s where your day of coordinator or planner should really come in. Um, if you had no clues was happening, we need to be firm with these people. I mean, you can kind of just be upfront and just let ’em know, but the bride and groom should not be dealing with this.

I hope it didn’t ruin your day, and I, I’m really curious to see what actually happened. All right, guys. If you have any other wedding dilemmas or situations going on. Please send me an email hello@christainis.com and subject line wedding 9 1 1 or wedding dilemma and we will address it on the show.

Red Flag Weddings: Exes, Lap-Sitting MOHs & Bad-Vibe Cakes

Next up is the Red Flag, green Flag wedding edition. So I’m gonna read a couple of statements here, think about it at home and, and respond out loud if you’d like. Um, okay. “The officiant is the groom’s ex.” Oh, completely. Red flag. What? Why are we doing that? “The couple has every guest to Venmo a hundred dollars instead of bringing gifts.” Red flag. I just read a similar story about this, where they’re expecting people to pay. It’s almost like paying for like a gala or gala or something. They’re basically telling you like you have to pay a ticket in advance to come to our wedding, which is wild. Um, yeah, that’s a red flag. You should be able to gift based on one, what you can afford, and two, how close you are to the person. That’s my personal, personal take on that. 

Um, “the couple schedules their wedding the same weekend as a sibling’s graduation.” Same weekend or same day. If it’s the same day, that’s a red flag. ’cause usually, you know, dates ahead of time, same weekend. That sucks. For parents, for family that have to go to both, but I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag necessarily. Sometimes they might think it’s easier because of, you know, family being in town or, um, you know, just let’s do it all at once. You know, if they’re doing it to get outta the graduation and making people choose, then that’s kind of a red flag. 

“The groom tells the bride’s dad he’s banned from walking her down the aisle because this day is about me, not you.” Um, a red flag. I would hope we all agree on that. “The bridesmaid demands her dress be altered to stand out more because I should look hot too.” Um, red flag. I’ve been a part of weddings or seen weddings where. You can, you wanna look good as a bridesmaid, of course you wanna be comfortable, but you also need to just like, if they want you on a certain dress, you just gotta suck it up. If you wanna be a part of the wedding and you wanna be a supportive friend, just be like, yes, I’m gonna wear that. You don’t need to huge like change to your dress to stand out more. You are gonna stand out just enough, I promise. 

“The maid of honor grabs the mic during speeches and announces her own engagement, mid reception.” Red flag. Uh, “the maid of honor flirts with the grooms the groom all night, and ends up and ends the evening sitting on his lap.” Uh, red Flag, the guest. “A guest proposes on the dance floor right after the Couple’s first dance.” First dance red flag. “The photographer storms out mid reception because the bride asks for more candid.” A red flag.

I, if you guys do not watch my weekly YouTube videos, go check it out because I’m trying to think of dates ’cause I’m filming this ahead of schedule, but I wanna say like a week, it’ll be like, came out a week ago, um, about a photographer situation. Okay, last one. The cake. “The wedding cake collapses and the baker blames the couple for bad vibes.” Um, that’s a red flag. I think those were like all red flags. That’s just, yeah.

Postpartum Road Trip for a Wedding?! 

Okay. Oh, here we go. Okay. My microphone unplugged. Okay. There we go. All right, so I’ve got two stories for you today. Like I said, I get so many submissions and I’ve been getting more and more lately, so we thought we would just double up because I always hear responses that are just like, I want more stories. So. Um, that’s what we’re doing. We’re just gonna add in more stories. Uh, if you guys don’t know on YouTube, I also release a new video every single week where I, I read a couple stories, so if you just can’t get enough, I got you covered. All right.

Story number one. “It all started back when my husband and I were dating. We’d been together for two years when my now brother-in-law. Began dating someone. On our third anniversary. My husband proposed when his girlfriend found out, she told me I didn’t deserve it. What? She caused a lot of drama and by the time the wedding came around, she and my brother-in-law were no longer together.” Okay. That’s so wild. Because they weren’t even. They’d already been together for two years, and then the girlfriend came out and said she didn’t deserve it. Okay. “At my wedding, my brother-in-law told us he hoped to have what my husband and I shared one day. Just two days later, he was back with his ex. Fast forward a few years later and they’re engaged.” Oh no! “By then, I already had a child. They asked my husband and me to stand up in their wedding. They also made it clear no kids were allowed, which was fine at the time, but would later become important.” Okay. This is interesting.

This happens so many times where like a hot take earlier in the episode or a confession or a dilemma, like weirdly ties into the story. It’s not planned that way. I don’t see these ahead of time. I see them for the first time, literally right now. Um, so that’s as, wow. It’s gonna be a story about no kids at a wedding. I can tell right now. Okay. And again, it’s wild. I don’t know how old the child is, but again, for a brother to be like, or it’d be brother-in-law to be her husband’s brother, saying that these kids are not her, her kids are not allowed.

Both of us had reservations about being in the wedding, but we agreed for his brother’s sake. Not long after I found out I was pregnant with a due date right around the time of their wedding. I stepped down from being in the bridal party because there was no way I could commit. I couldn’t even guarantee I’d be there at all since the wedding was three and a half hours away.”

Oh, wow. Yeah. That’s a lot. That’s a lot. “My husband told them he’d still try to participate, but if anything happened, if I went into labor, if I was in the hospital, he would be, he would not be there. They supposedly understood.” I said this before I, I’ll say it again. I would never put my life on pause for someone else’s wedding, and I don’t think that’s a hot take, but I totally agree with them here.

If your wife is pregnant, if you’re pregnant, your partner’s pregnant. You need to be there for them and you need to listen to your own body too. Not be driving four hours if you’re about to have a baby, and vice versa. Um. I feel like I would understand that about anyone in my wedding, so I would hope other people would too.

Um, “my pregnancy ended up having complications the weekend before their wedding. We went to their joint party fully knowing I was scheduled to be admitted into the hospital that week. My husband again reminded them if something happened, he would be, he wouldn’t be at the wedding. They said that was fine.”

I’m wondering, okay, nevermind. I don’t wanna like jump the gun, but the reiteration of them saying it would be fine makes me think that they were just like, oh, it won’t happen. He’s not gonna miss the wedding. Our wedding is most important. That kind of thing. “The baby came on Wednesday, my in-laws came to visit, but instead of celebrating, they brought my husband’s suit to the hospital and told him to get it outta the car because the baby was here.

He had no excuse not to go to the wedding. They just brought the suit in the car at the hospital.We’re like, all right, baby’s out. You can’t wait. Get that suit on and get in the car with us. You’re going. She also has another child. We, again, we don’t know. This is a toddler, so they’re expecting the mom to now stay home with a toddler and a newborn baby while the husband goes away to a wedding that’s four hours away.

That is wild. Um, “with the pressure from the family, we scrambled to make arrangements. A friend offered to stay with me and our now two kids, so my husband could go. That’s a really nice friend. I was discharged from the hospital Friday night. My husband skipped the rehearsal to take care of me, which apparently upset my future sister-in-law.” To anyone listening the rehearsal.

It’s great. It’s fun. It’s a nice time to get everyone together. It is not 100% necessary to have, or if you cannot make it, it’s not gonna be life or death. Like it’s not that serious. We had two groomsmen that couldn’t make it because of flights and obligations with family, and it happens, it’s fine. Um, I just led a rehearsal a couple weeks, a month ago now, but.

A month ago, and I think there was like three or four people from the wedding party missing the wedding was still great. If you, as long as you know where to stand, you are fine. It’s not that big of a deal. Again, they’re fun to be a part of. It’s great to get everyone together, but if you miss it, it’s not a big deal.

I was discharged, okay, still, they told him as long as he showed up in the morning, it would be fine. The plan was for him to leave at 6:00 AM but his ride got sick and the wife didn’t want to risk exposing us. My husband told his family he couldn’t travel that far without help for me. They begged us repeatedly to find another way. The only option left for me, fresh wait. The only option left was for me fresh out of the hospital and in pain to go with him. I’m like struggling to read this because this is so outrageous with our three day old newborn and our 18 month old. Okay, so babies even younger or toddlers, even younger than I thought, on a three and a half hour drive through a snowstorm.”

On top of all that, driving fresh out of delivery. Three day old baby, 18 month old, a snowstorm. I don’t think I would do even one component component of this. Um, I think when my daughter was about 18 months, we did a five hour car drive and that was, that was good. But to have two and in a snowstorm, we were not in a snowstorm. It was summer snow. Yeah. That’s, that’s a lot. Oh my gosh. “They said that was great and they’d give us a hotel room.”

Plus. Plus. She just gave birth. She gave birth three days ago. Three days ago. When you’re literally supposed to be resting, you’re not supposed to be getting up and down. You’re not supposed to be like in new, uncomfortable positions and stress on your body can take, make your body take longer to heal. This is completely wild and unacceptable to ask of someone. I understand, like it’s really sad, like it’s your brother and you want your brother there at your wedding, but it is completely unreasonable to ask his new wife who just had a baby three days ago, lug everybody here, plus the brother’s in the wedding.

So she’s gonna be sitting there still healing. Watching a newborn and 18 month old. Oh my gosh. So she used to be in the hotel room. “I guess the drive took four and a half hours. My brother-in-law called several times asking where we were worried we’d be late.” Dude, they’re driving in a snowstorm. This is so wild to me. Am I, I need to know from you guys, like if you’re listening to this. If you’re just listening on the podcast, go to YouTube. I need to know your thoughts on this. Am I freaking out more than I should be? This is completely like I would never ask anybody to do this.

When we arrived, he seemed excited to see the kids and us. My husband got dressed for the wedding while I still recovering. Plan to sit quietly in the back with the children. Yes. I knew kids hadn’t originally been invited, but the family knew we had no other choice with my health.” This is so wild. They are asking her to get ready to sit in the back with two kids. A toddler, an 18 month old is not gonna sit still. You’re gonna be chasing that baby around a newborn. At least at that age. They’re usually pretty like. Sleepy and they’ll like just hold onto you for the most part. But an 18 month old is me getting up and down and that’s when you really needed someone to like help you with them as much as you can.

Oh my gosh. “As we got into the car to head to the venue a castle, my father-in-law stopped us. He had a long walk. Uh, he had a long talk with my husband. Warning that if I or the kids were seen things would not be okay and might get rough.” What does that mean? Your daughter-in-law just had a baby and you made her drive four and a half hours in a snow storm and now she can’t be seen with either kids?

Oh my gosh. “He begged my husband to still participate in the ceremony promising they figure something out for me and the children. My husband reluctantly agreed, but said we would leave immediately after the ceremony.” I would be livid if someone said that. “Inside my brother-in-law thanked me for understanding. I told him plainly, I don’t, oh, good for you, girl. That was the last thing I said to him. I was taken to a room with nothing but stone floors and thin carpet.” Was this like a jail cell? Like what the hell? “Where I sat with my kids as mice ran around me. When it came time for pictures, no one asked if the kids could be included.”

Dude, guys, this is so wild to me. It they. I like wanna cry for her. This is so outrageous to me. They put a freshly postpartum mom in a room with stone floor and mice are running around her and she holds a newborn and an 18 month old. They’re like, yeah, can you not? Like, we don’t wanna see you. Do you know how like your hormones were after giving birth, your just.

All the things your body goes through. Like I remember like right after giving him birth, like I think I was maybe. A week postpartum, probably not even that much. And we had our family over visiting with the baby and out of nowhere I just felt like all the blood dropped from my face. And I remember my husband looking at me being like, do you need to eat something?

Like, and like his, his brother, my brother-in-law ran out to get us dinner. ’cause he was like, let’s go. I’ll get you guys some food. ’cause we had just been like running around and like, I wasn’t thinking about like eating a full meal. And, you know, you just have so much going on. I just literally just felt like the blood like rush out of my face.

Like I just felt so weak so suddenly, and if it weren’t for my husband and my family being right there and helping, like that could have been really scary. Um, and so you really have to listen to your body and you really have to rest. And the fact that they just completely pushed her aside was like, we just, we don’t care about you.

Like we just want him to get here. At that point, why didn’t the brother-in-law, I don’t know. Why didn’t her husband just drive by himself? I mean, I know she had a friend that was gonna stay with her. I don’t know what happened with the friend, but, oh my gosh, this is wild. I. “Afterward, my husband was furious and ready to leave. My brother-in-law begged him to stay for dinner saying it would look bad if there was an empty seat at the head table. Again, they just care about the looks. My husband refused telling him we weren’t welcome. His brother suggested finding a corner for me and the kids to sit in and put my husband said, no.”

They weren’t going to even give her a seat. Like again, like I get the no kids thing when it does happen, right? But this is your, like this is your blood, this is your, I mean, this is his niece and nephew or nieces or nephews, whatever. Like you can look at them and just be like, you sit in the corner somewhere.

What? Oh my gosh. “We returned to the hotel, left the suite, we returned to the hotel, left the suit on his bed, and that night at 9:00 PM in another stove. In another snow storm, we drove the three and a half hours home.Okay. That’s wild. I guess just wanting to be home, but like at that point with kids, I would be like, we’re staying here tonight.

That’s also another thing, like traveling with kids is so much harder. All the stuff you have to bring, I’m finally now a little outta the trenches with like, my daughter can sleep almost anywhere as opposed to like needing like, uh, all of the pack and play and. You know, all that extra stuff. Um, but with a newborn, I mean, you need the little, like, I can’t even remember what they’re called. I’m so far out of that now. I’m just like, I don’t know. But, um, bassinet, there we go. That’s it. You just need so much stuff. So the fact that they had to pack all that up, unload it in the hotel room, go to the wedding for what? They were probably there for like a couple hours and then they drove back that night.

Oh my gosh. “A few days later, my in-laws invited us over. I told them I wanted nothing to do with the situation. It hadn’t been a good time for me, for the kids, for our family. They took responsibility even though it wasn’t really their fault and asked me to forgive my brother and sister-in-law because they don’t have kids.” And you were raised better. Okay, first of all. For them to say they took responsibility even though it wasn’t their fault. Sure it wasn’t their fault, but the father-in-law making that comment to the husband, that should have been his moment to stand up and like be like, let’s regroup here. How can we help you?

My in-laws were so amazing postpartum, so amazing. Like they would text me, call me. They would bring food by immediately when they came to see her, they asked how I was doing. They checked in all the time. So when I hear stories about this, how women are disregarded postpartum, it like breaks my heart because you, you will never forget how you were, how you were treated, whether that’s pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum. You will never forget how people treated you. Um, I’m really glad and lucky. I had a great experience, this makes me so angry. Because the, the father-in-law saying those things about her and to her, no, I, I couldn’t. Um, and the, they don’t have kid think his things. Yes. You know, once I had kids, like, or my child, I, there were certain things that I was like, oh, I would do that differently. Like, or, you know, seeing a friend, having a kid before be like, oh, I could have stepped in a different way. You know, but this no. My nieces and nephews before having kids were always like, if I were somewhere and like they needed something or like kids are kids, like, I don’t know. Why would I ever make dismiss the mom that just had a baby? No, no thank you.

Since then, I haven’t spoken to either of them. My husband tried to reach out, but was told that unless I apologized.” For essentially having a baby, there was nothing to discuss. “Now they want her to apologize for having a baby. That wedding turned into the craziest week of our lives, all because we did exactly what the family begged us to do, no matter the cost to meet or our children.”

Yeah, I’ve told so many people this before, your health comes first when it comes to having a baby. If that means saying no to your best friend’s wedding, it means saying no to your own mom, whatever that is, like your help comes first. Um, and I’m sure like looking back, like in hindsight, they would change things, but when you give, when you give an inch to someone like that, you’re, they’re gonna ask for a whole yard.

When Your Mother-in-Law Becomes the Real Wedding Villain

Okay. Story number two. This one’s a little bit shorter. Starts off strong. It says, “this is about my mother-in-law. I’d been dating her son for five years before we got married. She has all sons, which was totally fine, but during that time, she went through a divorce and life in their house was rough. When we got engaged and started planning, I wanted her to feel included. Since she had no daughters, I invited her to my dress fittings. She was even there when I chose my dress.

Something I didn’t even have my own sisters there for. We started making centerpieces together, but she thought her ideas were better than mine. When my husband backed me up and told her it was my wedding and my choice, she got mad. Her family planned a surprise bridal shower, but they only invited my family the night before, less than 12 hours ahead of time.

My gosh. When my sisters couldn’t come on such a short notice, she blamed them for not showing up. Later, as the wedding got closer, I made the seating plan. I left a copy at her house since the boys were getting ready there, some people had told her, told me after I finished the plan that they were coming, but I wasn’t about to redo everything.

The venue already had my finalized chart. Fast forward a week or two, I went to make the final payment and the venue owner said, I swear your mother-in-law came in with a different seating plan. I asked if he was sure, and he admitted he wasn’t 100% certain, but it really seemed like it was for my wedding. I told him if she had brought one, it was absolutely not to be used, and he agreed.”

This is crazy. These stories, like I share all the time about a mother-in-law, like changing things and like just calling the venue. People are like, that doesn’t happen. I’m like, I get so many stories about it. And some venues don’t know. Maybe they know, but they just are scared to like stop someone. But they just don’t tell them no. ’cause they’re like, I, these two people telling me, it’s like each way.

The day of the wedding, my best friend called me and said, my mother-in-law told her it was okay to use a new seating plan. I told her, no way in hell did I approve that. She and my husband ended ended up fighting because she claimed I didn’t involve her in enough. My husband and I even had a small argument the night before because it felt like I was defending.

I felt like he was defending her. He reassured me. He knew I had involved her. She was just being dramatic. Turns out she wanted the seating chart change because her ex-husband was given a lower number table than her. She threw a fit that her ex couldn’t be on her side. Meanwhile, wait, so her ex-husband had a lower number table. She wanted the ex to be on her side. Okay. Meanwhile, he was seated with my parents and extended family while she was at the front table, just the higher number attached.”

So if she would’ve looked at the big picture and like really understood, she’s like, the number doesn’t matter. Like, it’s like where you sit. That thing was like, that would probably like, I wouldn’t say stress me out, but I was really focused on making sure like. All the parents had like a good view of like the head table. We had a small, you know, area, but that’s hard ’cause you wanna make sure like everyone feels like loved and like they get a good spot and like we thought about them so the bride probably spent so much time making sure this like looked good. So to have the mother-in-law come and be like, we’re changing it because you gave me a higher number than him. It’s like, come on.

She refused to take family photos together. We had to take separate pictures. Mothers of the groom and family on one side, and father of the groom and family on the other. She absolutely would not allow joint photos. After all of that, when we were printing our wedding photos later, she looked at me and said, don’t hold your breath. You’ll be divorced in a year. Oh my gosh. So that was her completely like backhanded. Com. I don’t, not even backhanded compliment. That was just completely out, off the wall. Angry and insecure, jealous, I don’t know what, you don’t call it. All of the above. “She ends it with, well, it’s been 11 years and we’re still happy. She still acts like she did nothing wrong, but at this point it just makes me laugh.”

Good times. I’m glad you can laugh about that. That is wild. Guys, I need to find a new, uh, objective. I can’t even say objective. Objective. Oh gosh. Leave it in. Whatever. People will make fun of me no matter what. So it’s fine. Um, anyways. That is so cool. So cool. That’s so crazy. It’s wild in these stories where then the person’s like, that never happened.

And it’s like you get all these stories sent to you and you’re just like. I wanna hear it from the mother-in-law’s perspective. Like what does she think happened? Does she think everything was just blown outta proportion or what? I had someone comment on a video recently saying like, this story is too wild to be true.

Do you vet all of these? And I’m just like, how? How do you want me to vet these? Do you want me to call up each person that sends in a story? Do you want me to go show up at their hometown? Do you want me to interview everybody? That’s part of the story. How would you like to see this done? That is kind of a good idea though.

Maybe for a future episode I have like multiple people from one story. I don’t know if most people would, would agree to it if one’s a villain, but it would be interesting. Then it might really turn into like a. Jerry Springer show, and I don’t, I don’t want any part of that. It’s fun reading these, I don’t know if it’d be fun, like delegating or being in the middle of them anyways.

Wedding Confessions: Garter Cringe, Off-White Drama & Best Man Scandal

Okay, that was, those were some wild stories this week. Um, we’re gonna end with some confessions, as always. We ask you guys to send your confessions on Instagram every Friday. So here’s some of the ones we got.Younger cousin of the bride yelled. Why are we watching this during the groom getting the garter.”

Yeah. I mean, I’m right there with you. Why are we watching that? Why are we watching the groom crawl up the bride’s dress while we all stand there as if like, we don’t know what he is getting. I don’t know. It’s just, it’s a weird thing. I don’t know. I think it’s a dying tradition though. Uh, this says “I ended up sleeping with the best man in the groom’s bed.

No regrets.” I’m hoping that’s not the bride. I, I don’t think, I don’t think that’s the bride, because she said in the groom’s bed. I dunno if it’s a guest. I don’t know if she’s part of the wedding. Okay. “My sister tried to wear an off-white dress to my other sister’s rehearsal dinner. She said it’s not white. The famous line, it’s not white, it’s it’s ivory. It’s not white. It’s cream. It’s not white. It’s beige. I mean, if you have to have the need to say, that’s probably white. That’s all I wanna say. Um, okay.

My in-laws were comparing the two sons, weddings, homes, future kids, et cetera.” No, that’s, that’s set for disaster. That’s only creating competition between your kids.

My mother-in-law purposely arranged my bridesmaid bouquets wrong, and then she said she couldn’t fix them.” Gosh, you guys, I feel so bad. I feel so bad.

My future sister-in-law got upset at me because my DJ played a song that she wanted at her wedding day only.” Uh, DJs play a lot of songs at a lot of weddings. I don’t think anyone will remember unless it’s like your wedding song that you dance to with your husband or your partner, or it’s you walking down the aisle.

Even so most people won’t remember it, but if it’s just like on the dance floor, it’s, it’s not that serious. It’s okay. All right, guys. That’s all I have this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, do me a huge favor and share it with a friend or take a screenshot, post it to your socials and tag me.

I love seeing where you guys are tuning in from, whether it’s on your commute while you’re working or relaxing at night. And don’t forget. Sharing the podcast or leaving a quick review just really helps it in the best way and just helps more people discover the show. So I’m just so grateful to those of you that tag me, that have left reviews and just share it with your friends and family.

Um, it really just means, means the world to me. If you have suggestions, stories, or wedding dilemmas that you want me to cover, submit them at the link in the show notes, and I would love to feature your story on a future episode. Thanks again guys, and I will see you next time. Bye now.


Drunk Groom, Lost Eye & Celebrity Breakups with Cora Lakey

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Ever seen a groom so drunk the venue owner had to hold him up for the cake cutting?

Yeah… it’s that kind of episode. Christa and Cora Lakey spill the tea on one of the wildest wedding stories ever submitted: Fireball shots, a missing glass eye, and a bride in tears.

From chaotic ceremonies to healing after heartbreak, this episode dives into what happens when boundaries vanish: on the aisle and in real life. Buckle up for celebrity breakups, red flags, and hard-earned lessons about love, growth, and protecting your peace.

Some weddings are beautiful. This one? Unforgettable.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:18 Life Updates: New Beginnings and Viral Stories

04:05 Crazy Wedding Stories and In-Law Drama

07:04 Celebrity Breakups and Social Media Facades

13:14 Marriage Realities and Setting Boundaries

24:44 The Bachelorette and Reality TV Drama

30:59 Red Flags vs. Green Flags: Bridal Party Edition

33:07 Discussing Red Flags in Wedding Stories

37:47 Wild Wedding Vendor Stories

40:32 The Drunken Groom Disaster

46:31 Derek’s Glass Eye Fiasco

50:11 Wedding Confessions and Boundaries

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Dream Dress Derailed – A bride’s excitement is crushed when her mom says she can’t buy the dress because of her “back fat.”
  • Cora’s Divorce Diaries – Cora shares how six months post-divorce brought her more growth than six years of marriage.
  • Celebrity Illusions – Why perfect celebrity couples (and Instagram lives) aren’t what they seem.
  • In-Laws Behaving Badly – The real cost of not setting boundaries early.
  • Wedding Horror Story of the Year – A groom too drunk to stand, a glass-eyed guest crawling on the dance floor, and a bride who ran off crying.
  • Generational Shifts in Marriage – How modern couples are redefining partnership and equality.
  • Healing After Heartbreak – Learning self-worth and the power of starting over.
  • Red Flag vs. Green Flag Game – The outrageous bridal party moments that test your patience (and loyalty).
  • Boundaries Aren’t Mean – Why saying no is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re how you take care of yourself—especially on your wedding day.” – Christa Innis
  • “If someone’s money comes with strings attached, sometimes it’s better to say no.”  – Christa Innis
  • “Why do parents think they’re ‘giving us away’? I was already out living my life!”  – Christa Innis
  • “Your family should make you feel good on your wedding day, not add to the drama.”  – Christa Innis
  • “You deserve a wedding that feels like you—not a performance for everyone else.”  – Christa Innis
  • “Don’t accept money if it means losing control of your own wedding.” – Cora Lakey
  • “I walked myself down the aisle because it felt right for me—that’s what matters.”  – Cora Lakey
  • “The people who push your boundaries usually have the strongest ones themselves.”  – Cora Lakey
  • “Weddings expose family dynamics in ways you can’t ignore—but it makes you stronger.”  – Cora Lakey
  • “Your wedding day is the perfect time to start doing things your way, no apologies.”  – Cora Lakey

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Cora:

Cora Lakey is a lifestyle content creator and social media influencer who shares thoughtful reflections on wellness, personal growth, and life experiences, including navigating her divorce. She actively produces content on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, offering guidance and inspiration in areas such as self-care, emotional healing, healthy living, and mental well-being. Beyond sharing tips, she cultivates a supportive online community, engaging with followers to foster personal growth and resilience. Cora also adapts her content strategy across different platforms, blending storytelling, practical advice, and authentic insights to connect with a broad audience while encouraging positive lifestyle changes.

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Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Cora.

Cora Lakey: Hi

Christa Innis: Krista. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Cora Lakey: Thanks for having me back. I feel like it’s such an honor to be on more than once, so super excited.

Christa Innis: I feel like we just had so much fun last time we were just talking and it was like, old friends hanging out and we read crazy stories and just we wanna spill more tea.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Yeah. I’m excited to spill with you or hopefully hear more tea. I feel like the stories we covered were crazy last time. Yes. So can’t wait.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

well I’m so excited to have you back on. I know I just said that, but I feel like last time it just like flew so well.

 and what’s new for anyone that I did not listen to? Last episode When you came on, what’s new? Who are you? Tell us about yourself.

Cora Lakey: Yeah, so a lot has changed since I was last on. I feel like I have a new name, new life, which is crazy. So I think last time we were together I was still in the Bay Area, just like kind of having my life implode.

 my divorce was kind of just starting and now I’m six months in it. I’m living on my own for the first time in my life. I have two dogs and I think we got connected on TikTok. So I primarily post on TikTok, which is maybe how my audience knows me. And I first went viral there for a wedding story time that maybe could have been featured on this show.

 and maybe it was an omen for the marriage working out, but you know, to give me a whole new. Career and, a lot of great relationships like with you, so, yeah.

Christa Innis: yeah. It’s funny all the stories like that get sent to me and like, I always wanna do like, follow up segments with people too, to be like, I feel like yours.

What had to do more with like, bridesmaids, right. And like a friend fallout. But like, a lot of times when I like hear about these crazy, like in-law stories that are sent to me, I’m like, I wanna follow up with people and be like, did the marriage work? Sometimes they tell me like, oh, this is my ex-husband story, or This is my ex we never made it down the aisle or something.

‘ cause I’m like, some of these stories are so insane where I’m like, how could you put up with that for a marriage? Knowing your in-laws hate you, or a sister-in-law hates you? that sounds like hell to me. That sounds terrible. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: And I mean, people are sneaky and I feel like, yeah, you just never know.

And I feel like if people are having those signs before they even walk down the aisle, it’s only gonna progressively get worse. So I agree. I wanna hear the updates. So anyone listening, give us the updates your lives. Yes.

Christa Innis: I know I’ve had a couple like brides come on and let me like, ask them any questions.

They come on anonymously and spill some stuff. but it was funny, one time someone came on and, she was like, yeah, things are, better than like where they left off. And then we like hung up and like, where we stopped recording and she was honestly, like things are like getting kind of worse again.

But like, I don’t wanna say anything yet because I’m not sure. I’m like, oh my gosh. like what is going on? Like there’s just, I don’t know, people deal with a lot of stuff in relationships.

Cora Lakey: Is it crazy? You never know what’s going on behind closed doors. And I feel like I’ve been trying to toe that fine line ’cause I’ve been talking about my divorce publicly, but I obviously haven’t said like the actual reasons publicly because you know, A, it’s no one’s business and I think there’s a fine line with creators, but BI think it’s like, I don’t wanna make anyone, I guess like second guess things going on in their relationships because you just never know what’s happening.

And even like the little tidbits I’ve shared, it is crazy. Like the dms I’ll get of like, oh my gosh, I’ve been through that too. Or I’ve experienced that scenario and on paper they look so happy. Or I’ll get messages from, you know, people with all their wedding pictures and they look so in love and they send me the craziest confessions.

I’m like, oh my gosh. So if you’re ever comparing yourself to anyone, like you really just can’t because there’s a reason why 50% of marriages end in divorce. You just never know what’s going on. And I think that’s especially important for me being 31 now and kind of starting my life over, like I want women to see my story and see other women that maybe, aren’t where they thought they’d be in life and feel encouraged because it’s such a beautiful chance to start over.

And also, like you just never know what you’re comparing yourself to. You’re only looking at the most glamorized version of people’s lives online, and sometimes it can be really easy to fall into that trap. So yeah, it is really crazy what that people don’t share. But when they do share.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. It’s like that social media comparison game of like, you never really know what lives people are living because they wanna put up a facade or like, they just want things to look pretty.

And then that’s why like, I think a lot of times, like people are shocked with like celebrity divorces or celebrity breakups because they’re like, they look so perfect and beautiful and like blah, blah blah. And it’s like, well, we’re only seeing them as like a celebrity. You know, we’re seeing them in a movie or we’re seeing them on a red carpet.

We’re not like in their home. So we’re not, we’re only seeing what they wanna put out, you know? Right.

Celebrity Splits & Secret Friendships

Cora Lakey: Are we gonna talk about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban?

Christa Innis: I was actually thinking that when I first said that, I was like, what? Because they’re like the og. They’ve together

Cora Lakey: a while. I know, I don’t know when this is gonna air, but in real time this is like breaking of like all the details coming out.

I can’t believe it. That’s a great example. You just never know what’s going on behind the scenes. They seemed so in love and dang, I’m shocked. I thought nothing would shock me anymore.

Christa Innis: But because I feel like in like celebrity or Hollywood years, even 10 years, even five years sometimes is like in celebrity marriages, that’s like a long time.

’cause it just happened so quickly. So they were going on 20 years almost. so have you heard anything else like about it? Like details come out.

Cora Lakey: There’s allegedly the Nashville community is saying there’s allegedly another woman that is involved. I don’t know how true that is, but I guess we’ll find out more.

It seems like day by day, but so today as we’re filming Nicole filed, which is interesting. Okay. So I think details are to come, but I can’t believe it. It’s so sad.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know it. I had to take a double take. Wasn’t there? What other there was just another celebrity divorce, I feel like, where there was, oh, not divorce, a breakup.

 Sean White and yes. Yes. I just saw that last week. And there’s all these cheating rumors about like he’s like dealt with cheating in the past. So I don’t know if it was directly on her, but now all these things are coming out. But again, this is all a legend. I don’t know, a legend, but all the players listening.

Yeah, they were always a shocking couple to me because I remember hearing things about him years ago that he was kind of like, full of himself. I mean,

Cora Lakey: I think just living in LA you hear stuff, So I’ve definitely heard some interesting stories about him as well. What man Who fumbles Nina Dore, you know, no matter what happened, it’s like, I know she seems amazing.

She’s so successful. Gorgeous, so funny. What a bummer. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that one shocked me too.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But then you, like I saw her on a back. Yeah, it’s true. Well, and then I just, I saw a post of her, she was like on a boat with like miles teller and like Zach Efron and someone else, and I was like, okay, she’s good, she’s fine.

Cora Lakey: You know what I find more interesting than the breakups is like the friend breakups, and I don’t know if there’s any substance there, but speaking of the tellers, and we have Taylor Swift’s album coming out on Friday. What’s going on there? What happened to Kelly Tellers? I don’t know. They’re just like, maybe they are.

But I’ve been thinking about that because Taylor’s obviously engaged.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Which was

Cora Lakey: another shock. I feel like we could just do like a top five wedding stories on this episode. Yeah. I swear so much is happening. But I’ve been thinking about who Taylor Swift bridesmaids would be, and they were super close at one point and now never see them together.

And like Yeah. I feel like Kelly would always post music in her tiktoks.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Cora Lakey: Now, no, he was even

Christa Innis: in one of her music videos.

Cora Lakey: Yes. Yes, she was. Yeah. Miles was too. So I’m like, what? What’s the T there? That’s what I wanna know.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I find that interesting too. well, and then the whole, like her and Blake Lively aren’t friends anymore, which is wild.

But also like, I feel like, I don’t know, it’s like once they get so big, it’s. They all have to have these really big egos probably. And it’s just like, don’t cross me. Don’t do, I don’t know, like, and then the lawyers get involved and it’s like messy and I’m sure there’s a lot of like secret friendships too that we don’t know about because like they just know the paparazzi’s gonna talk or media’s gonna talk and maybe there’s some that they wanna preserve to themselves.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Protect your peace. Yeah, I completely understand that. Yeah. I feel like the tellers in particular are really good at like from what we see publicly, having those really good, substantial relationships. And they seem like they’re good friends, so love that they’re protecting Nina during this time. But yeah, that was a crazy one too.

Yeah. I mean, better, I don’t know your opinion on this, but I feel like it’s better to cut it off before the engagement if something’s going wrong than too late. And I think when you are. Yeah, just for, not even celebrity wise, but normal person wise, it’s so hard when financially you have so much involved in a wedding and you’re like, oh my gosh, I have to see this through, even though I don’t think it’s gonna work.

And yeah, it’s kind of sad.

Red Flags, Boundaries, and Toxic Wedding Tales

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve heard so many stories, like some have been sent to me that are like, they saw all the red flags during the engagement and the wedding planning, but then they felt like they had to keep going. Not necessarily just to like prove a point. But they were like, we put money in already, so like we just have to do it.

But like the one skit, which again, like by the time this comes out, I might be done with this skit, but this one skit I’m doing right now, it’s so long because of like the story that was sent to me and it’s like super toxic in-laws. Like I’m talking like the dad bought wedding dresses for the bride to try on from Amazon, and she was like, already said no, like, I’m going with my mom.

And he’s like, but these are cheaper, they’re more affordable. she’s like, I never said I need your help with a wedding dress. And then the mom like, bought, paid for the venue without talking to them first. Oh. So all this stuff, and I’m just thinking, I’m like, how do you like deal with something like that?

Like, I can’t even imagine you, I’m like, at least people like keep commenting. Like, they’ve gotta cancel the wedding, they’ve gotta cancel the wedding, but in the actual story, they get married. So I can only imagine what happens after. You know, it’s like, I don’t know, we hear all these like stories like growing up, it’s like Disney and all these, you know.

Things like that, where it’s the happily ever after. So we think you get to the marriage and that’s the finish line, but it’s like, no, that’s when your life continues or starts, or there’s so much more after it, and I feel like we’re just, yeah. Oh, like zoned.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean, that is scary.

I feel like it just gets worse too when you have kids. I’m sure it’s like if they’re already poking the bear and kind of trying to assert what their boundaries are. Like once those people become grandparents, oh my gosh, you’re kind of locked in and Yeah, man, I don’t know. I feel like you marry your in-laws and that’s something that’s not talked about enough.

And yeah, if your spouse is not setting those boundaries with them, like, I mean, everyone has different boundaries, but you kind of have to gauge your comfortability with that. And I feel like I hear a lot of stories of men that don’t protect their wives with their in-laws. I mean mm-hmm. We all know some of my lore, but it’s crazy like what people think is appropriate and what isn’t.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it’s like if you don’t put boundaries in place ahead of time, then they keep like sneaking in or it’s, what’s that phrase where it’s like if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. Right. So it’s like if you are just like you say yes to things here and there, we see it time and time again.

But yeah. You bring up a good point too. It’s like once babies come, if they choose to have kids, then that’s a whole, like if they were badgering wedding planning, just imagine when you create a life that has their DNA Yeah. They think they have a right to that child. It’s wild.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. I feel like something I’ve really learned just through this last year and through my own, I guessI’m in like my, not to sound woowoo, but like my healing journey, just actively going through a divorce and I think it’s really opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people wanna be married, but they’re not necessarily ready for what marriage is.

And I think generationally as well, that can apply to your in-laws, right? Like how things were done 20, 30, 40 years ago isn’t acceptable now. Right. And it’s about setting the foundation well because the person that you marry is going to see your parents die. They’re gonna see the worst days of your life.

 there’s like just so many things that happen, like so many seasons of life that they’re supposed to be. They’re with you for, and it’s kind of crazy that I think a lot of people just wanna check the box of saying they’re married, so they’re like, oh my God, I don’t have to do this anymore, rather than really committing to what a marriage is and

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Cora Lakey: I mean, yeah, I just, the confessions I get too, it’s like I really don’t wanna tell people what to do ’cause I only see a limited view of what’s happening, but Right. I don’t, I would be comfortable with certain situations that I hear about.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And you bring up a good point about like what was okay or maybe like people allowed more and our parents generation is not okay now I think a lot more of us are looking for more equal partnership and if they come from a more traditional background where it’s like, maybe it was the mom stayed home and the dad went to work and, she’s expected to clean, you know, do his laundry and do all the dishes and do all that and cook and maybe.

That’s not what their life looks like. And I’m like, I see that all the time where it’s like, you see like people post about well, I work a full-time job and my husband does, so like we should split the home stuff. And it’s like, that is like a whole thing that the older generation doesn’t get.

’cause they’re like, well no, that’s not her job. Her job is this. You know? and that’s hard for people to come to terms with,

Cora Lakey: and especially with like a situation with maybe in-laws that don’t respect your boundaries, it’s like, oh my gosh, it makes everything amplified when they’re making things 10 times worse by asserting those opinions if there are those fractures in your relationship.

So yeah,I can’t even imagine. Glad I’m not dealing with that right now, but Thinking about that for the next phase of life? For sure.

Christa Innis: Yes, definitely things you can like, look out for. It’s like, I will say, and again, people change like, you know, sometimes unluckily, like once you get married or like as you date people and stuff. I will say my in-laws have always been amazing. Like, I met them within a, I wanna say like the first five days of meeting my husband.

Cora Lakey: What?

Christa Innis: yeah. he was like so excited and they were like having like people over for a barbecue anyway. And he like brought me there and, I don’t know, I was never used to like parents like his, like, they were just like, so like, interested in like, getting to know me and they were like so welcoming and they were like, right off the bat were just like, really cool.

I got really lucky. So when I read these stories, I’m just like, how? I don’t know. that’s why I can’t comprehend how people like. Stay with someone with terrible, like in-laws. ‘ cause I just, I’m not confrontational. Like I can feel tension when it’s like bad. I just don’t like it. And so if every time I had to go like see my in-laws and I was like, oh, they hate me.

Like, I couldn’t imagine that would be Yeah. So uncomfortable. I feel for his brides and

Cora Lakey: Right. It’s always the guys that like bring nothing to the table that have the worst parents. You’re like, what? Like you’ll hear these stories Andre, their whole life. Yeah. what did they bring to the relationship?

It sounds like you’re doing everything.

Christa Innis: Yes. They did their laundry till he was 28 or whatever.

Gardener or the Rose: Redefining Love After Divorce

Cora Lakey: Exactly. Exactly. Oh my gosh. I feel like I heard a really good saying on TikTok where it was like every relationship, there’s a season where there you have to be like the gardener or the rose and the roles can change.

And I feel like that’s a really big thing in relationships that I’m definitely looking forward to. It’s like in some seasons of life, you’re fully the gardener and maybe someone else needs more support, but it’s the ability to shift those roles and have the flexibility to shift those roles that I think is so important.

So, I Yeah. Like, I think it’s possible. And I, I just wanna encourage anyone listening that maybe you’ve been through a broken engagement or a divorce. There’s resilience and positivity and so much growth that happens through that. And I feel like this has been like the hardest six months of my life, and like the loneliest, but it’s also been the most growth, right?

Like, I think when I was married, I almost felt like I, it was like six months or six years of just like, wanting change and wanting, my life to change should be different and just feeling stuck. Mm-hmm. And in the six months, I feel like I’ve grown more than I have in the last six years, which is insane.

So, can develop and grow and change and maybe things don’t work out, but there’s still lessons out of that and there’s love on the other side of that. It’s great, and I’m surprised, like I feel like I was really scared to start dating again. I’m definitely very lightly looking like, not like actively seeing anyone, but I thought people would judge me so much for being divorced.

And it’s literally like doesn’t even phase guys, they’re just like, oh, okay. Like, which I was really surprised by. So if anyone’s like thinking about it or they’re like, oh my God, I don’t know, like I kind of want a divorce, but I’m too scared. It’s like, it’s actually not as bad as I thought it would be. On the other side, it’s like hard.

But dating wise, I’ve been very pleasantly surprise

Christa Innis: Good. I’m sure you’re like learning a lot about yourself too, especially like first time living alone, and I feel like a lot of times we like move from one thing to the next without really like absorbing like, is this making me happy or do I wanna do something different?

And like, we just kinda like, like you said earlier, like check the boxes. And so I’m sure you’re like really able to like, ask yourself those questions and be like, I’m just in your era of learning about myself and what actually is important to me?

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Yeah.have a crystal clear definition of what I want in a partner and I’m just not gonna settle for anything less than that.

And I think as women we naturally talk ourselves out of things or we’ve, been coached to kind of like settle for things and it’s like we really don’t need to, we’re so multifaceted, we’re so successful on our own.  A man should only add value to your life and should add to your life, period. He shouldn’t detract from be sucking your life force out.

Right. And mm-hmm. Especially when they’re the father of your children. That’s gonna be especially critical because it’s those make or break moments in life that like you’re really gonna see who they are. And so yeah, I feel like I’m really crystal clear on what I want in a partner and I feel like before I was like, maybe I want this, maybe I want that, maybe I’ll be flexible.

And I’m like, no, I can provide that for myself and

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Cora Lakey: I want a man to be welcome addition to my life, not to provide something for me, for my life, Yeah. That alone is such a big lesson that made it all worth it, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like all along we were taught, like growing up to look for the wrong things.

And not, maybe that’s a little general, but you know what I mean? Like the movies where it’s like the Prince Charming, they’re just like talking about like they look this way, they, I don’t know, whatever it is. Like they have all this money or they have this certain job or they have this, you know, and it’s like, but what beneath the surface, can they actually offer us?

Are they gonna be there when we need them for something? Are they going to support us in our own dreams and goals? Are they gonna be a good father and actually want to like be hands on? Or are they just gonna expect you to, you know, like those kind of things are the things we have to like think about, I think ahead of time.

definitely. I just had to think like 12 times.

Cora Lakey: And I think all of those lessons, which is interesting, like all those stories that are presented to little girls is all about how they react. Mm-hmm to these guys, they’re just put in your lap and it’s like, okay, well that’s look a Quasimodo. Like, Esmeralda was so vain for not being attracted to him.

And it’s like, well, okay, but like why is it on her to react that way? Or like, I don’t know. There’s just so many stories like Beauty and the Beast, right? It’s like all about why are we molding ourselves and pivoting to what society’s expectations are? It’s so strange to me and why it’s always, okay, let’s see how she reacts let’s see if she’s vain.

Let’s see if she’s, gonna put up with this. And it’s like, no, Why is Bell being, put in a situation where she’s being verbally abused and kidnapped and now she has to be okay with spending her life with this person. It’s insane. She’s been pleaser. It’s prelim mess.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Just be the caretaker. Exactly. Take care of the guy that like kidnapped you and fall in love with him because he had told me. Nice for you. Yeah. Wow. Oh my God. Give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s fine.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. You’re expected to be perfect and beautiful and smart, poised and the whole package, but it’s okay if he is literally an abuser.

Christa Innis: Right.

Cora Lakey: Okay. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I think those,stories do get into psyche of little girls and you grow up and you are like, oh my gosh, I’m so behind ’cause I’m not, married at 30 and I don’t have a kid. And it’s like, oh my gosh. those things do get to you later in life, so Yeah. Silly as it might sound, it does add up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yes. Everyone’s got their own timeline. okay, I added a couple, a new segment this time, but I know we also wanna talk really quickly before we get to that. Let’s talk about the new Bachelorette from Mom talk.

Cora Lakey: I’m so excited I’ll actually be watching.

The Bachelorette Twist We Didn’t See Coming

Christa Innis: Yeah. So what are your thoughts? Are you a big mom talk, secret Life?

Secret Lives? Yes. Secret Lives and Mormon wives a watcher. I’m huge.

Cora Lakey: Like I’m their biggest fan. I will move to Utah and join Mom Talk. I love that. Like that is the only thing that could get me to watch The Bachelor Bachelorette again. It was getting so stale and I feel like a, B, C just never listens when the audience gives them feedback, so finally they do something interesting.

What I thought was interesting, a couple points that people have brought up is like, there’s almost a double standard with Taylor where she wouldn’t have passed the background check to go on the show. Right? Mm-hmm. And that is a big thing. Even though the case was dismissed against her. And if anyone doesn’t know what we’re talking about, like you can look it up.

But that is an interesting point. Like are they gonna be more flexible with the contestants because of that? Another point people brought up is like, why not one of the other girls? What about Layla or Miranda? I feel like they’d be great.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cora Lakey: So I don’t know, did they pick the right person? Is Miranda, did they not?

Christa Innis: Is Miranda the blonde that just joined season two? Okay. So I was like die hard, love season one. I just have not gotten around to watching season two, which I feel like has been out. I’m so behind. Oh, to my God. I think I watched the first like two episodes and I was like, okay. I just like have, I need to find the time.

But I. Loved Taylor season one. And then some of my friends say it kinda like changes. And now I like love Whitney, but I don’t really like see her. I just see her on social media and I see her on Dancing With the Stars when I catch her. And I just love her like vibe. I don’t know what it is. I love her vibe now.

I did not season one, so yeah, that is really interesting. It’s,

Cora Lakey: you

Christa Innis: know what,

Cora Lakey: it’s interesting how interchangeable the characters are, right, of like, who’s the villain, who’s not. that was the biggest takeaway I had from season two. Not to spoil for you, but like, yeah, it’s like you would think Whitney Clear cut villain and all of a sudden it’s like, oh nevermind.

She’s fine. And yeah, so it’s crazy. We just, I guess we’ll have to see what happens, but yeah, it’s gonna be a good,

Christa Innis: you know what I mean? It’s funny because when I first, to be all honest, when I first saw them announced Taylor as The Bachelorette because I saw Alex Cooper’s like teaser. And I saw it and I was like, what?

That’s kind of disappointing. ’cause I was like, all these women that aren’t in reality TV yet, that are like, want the chance, you know? But then I thought about it and what you said. I’m like, I don’t watch Bachelorette anymore. I have not watched in years because I was just so like bored of it and it just didn’t make sense for me.

Oh, did we freeze?

Okay. I’m trying to think of where I was talking about. we’re having internet issues for those of you listening. but yeah, I just feel like, like saying like you were potentially a little Yeah, so I was saying like, when I first saw it, I was like kind of shocked ’cause I was like, oh, there’s so many women that wanna go on that have not been in the reality TV world.

So I feel like when they like, carry people over from one show to the other, I’m just like, ah, come on. Like, there’s so many people out there that want a chance. But then when I thought about it, I’m like, I haven’t watched Bachelorette in years, Bachelor or Bachelorette, I don’t even know who season I watched last, honestly.

And I’m like, it was kind of boring and it needed a little excitement. So for TV entertainment purposes only, not for like morality or for like, whoever it should be. I was like, I can see Taylor being a good choice. ’cause I was like, people are gonna watch.

Cora Lakey: Mm-hmm. My problem is I am so cynical that I just assume anyone who wants to be a contestant on either of those shows wants social media fame. Mm-hmm. Which, nothing wrong with that, right? Like it’s a grind out here. But that’s what I’m really worried about with Taylor because that’s a big storyline on season two of Secret Lives of Mormon wives is she is.

When you get down to the nitty gritty, like she’s very pure of heart and she really doesn’t care about the monetary side of it. She just enjoys her life. She enjoys the opportunities that mom talk has provided, but she’s not, I guess, fame hungry, which is really refreshing and I worry that her announcement is going to attract.

The wrong type of guy that just wants fame. Mm-hmm. Because it’s already been a huge issue on the Bachelor franchise. And I feel like they know there is a built in huge following. And I mean, I’ve had negative experiences with Bachelor Bachelorette contestants, like on social media just being fame hungry, like people citing in my dms about collabs and just being super weird and I have like no following.

So I’m like, as someone with 4 million followers, like you do need to think of that stuff. It’s like, are these people just trying to be famous or do they genuinely want to be with her?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Cora Lakey: It’s a little bit scary to think about.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just talking to someone a couple weeks ago on the podcast about like reality TV and what it’s turned into, and I feel like a lot of people do go on just to get that platform and be famous now.

Cora Lakey: But yeah, I’m sure even more so with someone that already has a big following, they’re gonna be these guys that are gonna be desperate for the limelight. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And it’s almost ruined reality TV because people are just going on reality tv, it seems like, to amplify their brands, but then they’re so scared of getting canceled.

They don’t act organic on tv. And I think that’s what’s been so refreshing about Taylor and the secret lives of Mormon wives girls, is they don’t care. So I really hope that doesn’t happen this season. I know, I feel like Taylor’s no BS and she’s going to see it right away, but I don’t know. I’m kind of scared for her.

The Bachelorette Confessions We Can’t Believe Happened

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’ll be interesting for sure. Okay. I wanna get into the next segment before we get too far. ’cause I know we’re already like far in, so you can let me know if you have a cutoff, there’s just a little like this or that section and then we’ll get to this week’s story if that’s cool.

Yeah. okay, so this next one is red flag versus green flag, and this is groomsman bridal party edition. So just say red flag or green flag based on the scenario. Okay. A bridesmaid gets drunk at the bachelorette and admits she hooked up with the groom right before he started dating the bride.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God. Definitely not a green flag. I don’t know. I mean, keeping that secret.

Christa Innis: Shitty and

Cora Lakey: then neither of them bringing it up again.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Cora Lakey: oof. Want orange,

Christa Innis: that’s for sure. Yeah, I know. I’m like, I’m that person. I have so many questions because I’m like, why are you waiting until the bachelorette party and you never like told your friend like, Hey, by the way this happened, but I don’t know when the night, right.

Like right time would be like if they start dating and you’re like, Hey, just so you know. But then things are always would be weird, I feel like.

Mm-hmm.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. I guess it’s so dependent on the friend group and their comfortability, their situation. I mean, we were literally just talking about secret lives of Mormon wives, and that’s something actively happening on secret lives of Mormon wives.

Christa Innis: Really.  

Cora Lakey: Layla dated one brother and dating another brother, and they’re both totally cool with it.

So. I guess it depends on what they dated. The same

Christa Innis: brother, they stated the same brother, or they just dated brothers?

Cora Lakey: No, Layla is dating. She’s dated the brothers now she’s dating the other brother. Yeah. So it’s like, that’s a weird situation, but that’s weird. Fine with it. Yeah, I, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.

So, I mean, I guess it depends, but yeah, I feel like your husband or fiance keeping that from you and your friend, it’s like, why?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Very

Cora Lakey: curious.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’d be a little, maybe red. Yeah. And the timing would make me not happy. Okay. Next one. The maid of honor disappears mid bachelorette with a random guy taking the itinerary decorations and matching outfits with her.

Cora Lakey: Are these real?

Christa Innis: No, I just make ’em up. Like

Cora Lakey: these things have happened. Okay. I was like, oh my God, I need more background. psychotic. Why? Like, why red? That’s super strange.

Christa Innis: I should say. Like, why did she steal all this stuff? So I should say all of these are like inspired by story sent to us, but like we, like, obviously people don’t send me like, oh, here, this or that, but like, they’re inspired.

Like, someone sent me a story once where the maid of honor wanted to go meet up with a guy when they were at their bachelorette. So they are inspired, but like very loosely. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: Okay. Only a red flag. Like is he having a bachelorette party? Why do you need all that stuff right now?

Christa Innis: photos from the groom’s bachelor party leaked.

He ended up at a strip club. He swore he didn’t want to go to

Cora Lakey: red. Red. No. Unless it’s the hangover. And he literally is unconscious in the photos. No excuse. Yes.

Christa Innis: Bridesmaid’s phone lights up at 2:00 AM during the bachelorette and it’s the groom texting her just to vent a bridesmaid.

Christa Innis: What, what?

Cora Lakey: I guess if it’s his sister. Sure. Right. Or his cousin. But what, what’s wrong with these men? No,

Christa Innis: red. I’m like, these are so red. The groom secretly invited his ex to the bachelor party and the groomsmen let it slide.

Cora Lakey: Red reds of the mall. No. Ew. The thing is, I can so see something like this happening and no. No,

Christa Innis: I know. I’m sure a lot. Yeah. It’s funny too, ’cause like anytime I read like outlandish things like this, someone will comment like, yeah, that happened to me. That happened at a wedding I was at happened. so it’s like no matter how outlandish it is, like these things happen.

It’s just wild. like I had one where the mother-in-law invited the son’s ex to the wedding as her plus one. She’s like, I get a plus one. I can invite whoever I want i’s wild.

Cora Lakey: but anyone who would willingly do that on either side, the mother-in-law or the ex willing to go to the wedding, it’s just like, how bored are you in your life that you have to cause that?

Christa Innis: Yes.

Cora Lakey: Insane fear.

Christa Innis: Like everyone, anyone that does that knows that’s not okay. So you are asking for, you want attention, you want to make someone feel bad or you wanna be a bully or something. Like, there’s no, you can’t be like, oh, I didn’t know that was not acceptable. Like, come on. You know, that’s not okay.

It’s insane. Okay. I’ll do one more and then we’ll get into the story. Okay. the groom sister, who’s a bridesmaid complains nonstop about the cost and threatens to drop out every other week.

Cora Lakey: I almost turned like passive aggressive suite in those situations. Like a kill ’em with kindness type thing because you wanna turn it on them to offer them the out that you wanna give them. Like you don’t want them to be a bridesmaid. So you say, you know, I understand weddings are a huge financial burden.

If it doesn’t work for you, no worries. I can take that off your plate. Mm-hmm. Turn it on them. You voiced how uncomfortable you are. Like, I wanna be there for you. You should just enjoy it as a guest. Don’t worry about a gift. We just wanna have you there. But I get it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s like the perfect way to respond to someone like that.

’cause again, it’s like they’re probably just doing it for attention or they’re unhappy about something. So that’s the best way to do it. Be like, hey, totally understand. If you don’t wanna be a part of it, that’s fine. You’ll still be there and all the wedding photos, whatever. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Perfect. That’s all you can do.

It’s hard in those situations ’cause you also wanna be fair and equitable to your other bridesmaid too. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: So it’s

Cora Lakey: like, okay, if I’m paying for this one person’s way, it’s like. Then I really have to pay for everyone else’s way too to make it fair. So it’s kind of hard. You can’t really cherry pick situations like that.

So you kind of do have to lay down the hammer, I feel like. Yeah, definitely. Even if it’s mean, sorry.


Take a Shot, Take a Seat… and Then Everything Went Off the Rails

Christa Innis: Yeah. Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re just being firm. Yeah. I love it. all right. Let’s blind react to this week’s wedding story submission. This is a true story that someone sent to me, so here we go.

Feel free to stop me at any point, or we’ll just kind of react along the way. Okay. “We knew right away this wedding wasn’t going to be boring. At the top of the aisle, there was a big sign that read, take a shot and take a seat. About seven years ago, my husband and I had just moved into our new house. On weekends, we picked up part-time jobs at a local wedding venue, easy money and something for me to do while my husband worked shifts at his full-time job. At that point, I had already been in the wedding industry for a while, teaching couples their first dances and coordinating a few weddings for friends. So working at a venue felt pretty natural at this wedding. This one is always the story I tell because you just can’t make this stuff up. The day started out like any other staff arrived. We set up and everything was on schedule. The ceremony was supposed to be outside, but because of rain we had to move it under the covered reception area. The guest list was about 120 people, pretty standard for that venue. As we were setting up, we noticed a big bag of Fireball shots next to the sign that said, take a shot and take a seat. The bride and groom wanted every guest to grab one before the ceremony began.” So this is a party. They wanna start the party off early. Wow. I also love that this is a wedding vendor story because we don’t get a ton of them.

It’s normally like the bride or a bridesmaid. So this is like a cool different perspective. Okay, it says, “as we worked, one guest caught our attention. He wore bright coral pants and a loud floral shirt. For the sake of the story, let’s call him Derek. Derek showed up nearly two hours early and went straight to the bar asking for a drink.

Now the venue policy was no drinks until cocktail hour, so we politely told him no. But Derek did not like that answer. He marched off to find the groom and somehow convinced the wedding party to give us permission to serve him early. Not exactly standard protocol, but when the couple says yes, you follow their wishes.”

I’m wondering if they’ve standard protocol because of people like this. So I’m like, how did that guy convince them to change that? It’s probably not a good idea.

Cora Lakey: as a former wedding vendor, I question that honestly. ’cause you know those insurance contracts, like there’s no way if that guy fell down the stairs or something, they wouldn’t be like, well, protocol, it changes.

Like, no.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I’m like, those are in place for a reason.

Cora Lakey: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: I’m just questioning this venue at this point. ’cause Yeah, with the insurance stuff, they’re very regimented legally. I’ve certainly never heard of that, but

yeah.

Cora Lakey: What up with this venue? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. It says “by picture time we noticed the groom was already intoxicated, so now the groom is already drunk.

So this Derrick guy’s drunk. The groom is drunk because they have shots everywhere. The ceremony was at 4:00 PM and when guests arrived, sure enough, they each grabbed a fireball shot before taking their seats. The ceremony went on, but the bride looked clearly irritated that our groom was already drunk.”

Well, yeah. I wanna know whose idea it was to have the shots at the wedding. You know, like, is water What?

Cora Lakey: You know what? Like what did you expect? Like a, a, a. Oh my gosh. That’s insane. Yeah. What a nightmare for a venue. Oh my

Christa Innis: gosh. Right. Afterward, “we flipped the space for the reception. At this point, the bar officially opened. Derek made a big deal about how he could finally drink now that we weren’t holding out on him. Dinner was served, dances were danced, speeches were made. And you could already tell the group was sloppy, getting sloppy fast.” See, that’s just a problem like when you, I get wanting to have a party and have fun, but when you already know people have drinking problems or can’t control their liquor, and then you hand out shots before the wedding, before pictures, it’s like people are not gonna make it to the end of the night. Like not gonna be good.

Cora Lakey: I feel like a lot of venues have no hard liquor policies because of this, right? Because accidents happen and people get super drunk and there’s drama. Or at least like the venue has to serve it. I think. So again, questioning this venue a little bit, like why are they allowing this?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Why are they allowing this? And then breaking the rules. And again, I really wanna know whose idea it was to the shots, because it sounds to me like the groom maybe has some kind of drinking problem, but like why would the bride agree to having shots? Or maybe he’s like, oh, I’ll be fine. Like don’t worry.

It’s like, mm. Will you, will you be okay? Yeah. I mean, even my venue,

Cora Lakey: I was shocked because we had a no heart liquor policy, I think. ’cause it’s like Napa Sonoma. I’m not sure if that’s the whole area, but our venue did and people snuck in canteens and they snuck in vodka and stuff. And I was like, how much are these people drinking?

My God. Like why do they need this? Know what I mean? And it’s something I hear at every wedding and it’s true. It’s like you can’t rely on the fact that people are going to be a hundred percent sober. Cra. It’s a huge issue in this country, obviously, but it’s crazy how even on your wedding day you do have to think of stuff like that.

Like all the logistics.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I know. So you can’t control what everyone drinks before the wedding. You would just hope people that are in the wedding, especially your groom, is like, okay, I am not, I’m gonna wait to drink until after to like dancing. But yeah, okay. Oh my God, I just, okay. It says, “then came cake cutting. The groom was so intoxicated that he couldn’t stand on his own.” Oh my gosh. He can’t even stand, stand up. I would be really actually marrying this person right now.

Cora Lakey: And isn’t the cake cutting? I mean, I guess it depends on the wedding, but before or after the first dance. Because was he able to do his first dance?

Christa Innis: I know. I feel like it’s typically when you first walk out, sometimes it’s right before dances, but either way. Yeah. How is he going to, he’s not gonna be doing that. What a

Cora Lakey: nightmare.

Christa Innis: My gosh. “The venue owner had to literally hold him upright just to get one decent photo and a slice of cake.” The venue owner is holding him up.

Oh my God. ” The bride she broke down crying and ran off.” Oh my gosh. I feel so bad for her. That is like, it makes me wonder too, like what signs were there ahead of time? Did she know he had some kind of drinking problem or like were his groomsmen, like the culprits and they were, I mean obviously no one can like make you, but were they like bringing shots in and just like pouring, like doubles?

Like it makes me really wonder.

Cora Lakey: Oh, that’s awful. I still like, for anyone who listening who hasn’t worked in the wedding industry, like the venue is liable if anything happens to the couple on site, and especially if people are driving drunk, there’s investigations that go into that stuff. And if they can track that happens at the venue, the venue can be in huge trouble.

Right. So that is really concerning me. Again, third time I’m questioning this venue. ’cause What do you mean the venue holder is like owner’s holding him upright. Like, why are we not calling paramedics so we don’t get sued? Like this is crazy.

Christa Innis: Yeah. There is a lot of liability that to think about.

I feel like as a venue. Yeah, I don’t know. It says, “not long after a little boy maybe six or seven, walked up to the bar and asked for a beer. For who? We asked. For my dad. He’s the groom.” So now he’s sending his child to the bar to get alcohol for him. Oh my God. Why are they still serving? Why is the wedding still going on?

I, he just like passed out somewhere. This is wild. Where is this? We need more details. We told him we couldn’t serve minors. “The boy walked away, went back to his dad, and then the groom stormed over yelling that we wouldn’t give his son a beer.” In what world do you live in where you can just have your son walk to the bar and get a beer for you?

“We explained we can’t serve anyone underage, no matter the situation. And he said, well, he gets beers from me at home all the time. Then grabbed his own drink and walked away. All of the staff just looked at each other like, did that just really happen?” This guy sounds a real piece of work.

Cora Lakey: This poor staff. Hopefully this gives people some grace for wedding vendors and what they go through, because this is unfortunately not uncommon.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yikes. Oh no. Okay. Then she goes, “and then there was Derek at one point we saw him crawling around on the dance floor, why his glass eye had popped out.” So, where do you live? Where is this? What the hell? it says why, why does he,

Cora Lakey: I hope this man’s okay.

Christa Innis: He’s just drunk, crawling around on the floor, looking for his eye. God, it says he picked it up, rinsed it off, and popped it right back in. Um, thank you. You’re done with a fireball. 

Cora Lakey: I love it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cora Lakey: Priorities are straightforward, man. Clearly.

Christa Innis: Later he climbed onto a chair, stroking the linens hanging from the ceiling. Lantern in one hand, swaying like he was in his own private concert. Why is no one stopping him?

Cora Lakey: Where is his wife? She has stormed off. Why are we not looking for her?

Christa Innis: This is the Derek guy, the guest.

Oh. Oh my God. Wait, I thought

Cora Lakey: that,

Christa Innis: okay, that makes sense.

Cora Lakey: Who are these people need to be studied? Oh my God.

Christa Innis: by the end of the night as he staggered out to his car, why are people just watching him drive to his car? Someone noticed he had lost the glass eye again. This time in the horse pasture next to the venue.

That sentence is very troubling to me because it sounds like he drove himself home and presumably with one eye drunk in with one eye, with one

Cora Lakey: eye drunk. You know what? this venue needs to be shut down immediately. Immediately. Yeah. You guys are, our wedding venue is watching this go down, not calling the police.

Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s

Cora Lakey: going on?

Christa Innis: Well, these drunk people getting into their cars, like, come on, what are we doing here? she said, the next day, I have no idea what happened. I never saw Derrick again and never saw the couple again either. But let’s just say when you work weddings, you really do see it. All the good, the bad, and the downright unbelievable.

And this wedding was definitely one for the books. I big, big problem at weddings. But this just sounds like, people like this ruin it for everybody else. This poor bride ran away crying. We don’t know what happened to her. are her And the groom still together beats me. I couldn’t be with someone after that.

Cora Lakey: No. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I have no words. I would like an update on this one if you can find one. Maybe if you’re a vendor, try to access the records,

Christa Innis: Okay. This will be my hope. We’re gonna read this story. The story’s gonna come out, the bride is gonna hear the story, and she’s gonna be like, that’s about me.

I need to write my perspective. Or maybe a bridesmaid so it’s not like directly. And then we can get a full update. So I need a glass. Hi. Talk to your thing.

Cora Lakey: Who could forget the glass eye and the horse pasture? Wow. Yeah, I know.

Christa Innis: I feel like those are some good clues. so people that are listening, I mean, people find everyone on TikTok, right?

Cora Lakey: I mean, they find the Coldplay couple, they find, you know. People can find the glass eye guy. Maybe he will write. Reach out to John. Yes. Let us know that, that you’re alive and well. and maybe stop drinking and driving.

Christa Innis: Yeah. With

Cora Lakey: a glass eye. You know, I’m gonna hope maybe look out for others, if not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m gonna hope he was just walking to his car to get like an overnight bag and then get in the Uber or something. I’m just gonna hope that was me too. Yeah. You say positive.

The Wedding Confession Session

Yes. Okay. I know we’re a little over time. I’m just gonna end with some confessions. People always send me some wild confessions, so here we go.

This one says,I just wanted one of my sisters as my maid of honor. “My mom said all five of my siblings had to be in the wedding.” I mean, I guess it depends on how close you are but if it’s like, but boys and girls and your grooms not close to your brothers, how you can’t really make him have them.

Right?

Cora Lakey: It depends on if mom’s paying, right? I guess unfortunately, if mom’s paying mom gets a say, but oof. Yeah, that’s tough. I have a bunch of siblings and yeah, I think I had two sisters is bridesmaids. But yeah, we all vary in ages and closeness, so there was no way. So yeah, I think something I’ve really learned as I’ve gotten older is our parents’ decisions aren’t necessarily our decisions and that’s okay.

And like if you aren’t as close to some siblings, It’s not your fault, Yeah. Especially if there’s like huge age gaps if you have five siblings. I’m assuming so. yeah. Yeah. But don’t accept money if you aren’t comfortable with something like that. For sure.

Christa Innis: Yes. But I also agreed too, or also think too, that like money’s not an indicator of them being able to control has to be given as a gift.

But, to your point too, is like if they are making it clear, because I’m giving you money, I make these decisions, then yeah, we’re gonna like, no, we don’t need your help then, and we’re gonna just do a small wedding.

This one says, “I found my dream dress on Etsy, and my mom said I couldn’t get it because my back fat would hang out.” Oh, what?

Oh, oh my God. I’m, I’m so

Cora Lakey: sorry. Yeah.

Christa Innis: That would be an uninvite for me. Like, yeah. Someone that’s supposed to make you feel good and beautiful, and then make a comment about your body.

Cora Lakey: That’s awful. Oh my God. And you’re gonna be thinking about that your whole wedding day now too. Which is so sad. No matter what dress you end up wearing.

Christa Innis: Ugh. Yeah. What a terrible mom. I know. Like, why would you make that comment? Like, Ugh, I hate that. this one says “my wedding was rushed. My dad was dying. Mother-in-law told me, wait for him to die and plan a proper event.” That is terrible. What. Why does the mother, oh my God, that’s okay to say

Cora Lakey: Evil family members. What is this? Oh, that’s awful. Of course you want your dad at your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s awful.

Christa Innis: Like the fact that she’ll have those memories and like pictures with him, like, oh my gosh, that’s terrible. Okay. let’s do one more. “My stepmom tried to guilt me into having my abusive alcoholic bio Dad, walk me down the aisle.”

Oh my God. I mean I feel like that just goes back to like, don’t do anything that you don’t wanna do for your wedding. anything especially that makes you uncomfortable or not happy on your wedding day.

Cora Lakey: I walked myself down the aisle ’cause my dad passed away. And yeah, I feel like I had a, similar situation where people were just giving me.

Crap about it. And I was just like, this is my wedding. Why does anyone have to give me away? It’s such an old fashioned tradition, and if you wanna do that, that’s fine, but it should be representative of what you want. Whether that’s giving yourself away or someone you’re equally close to even a friend, even sisters.

Mm-hmm. People walk their dogs down the aisle like that doesn’t have to be the tradition. Like no.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. I know I took that sentence out of our wedding about like, do your parents give you away? ’cause I was like, I’ve been out on my own, like for years at that point. My now husband, but like, we’d already been living together for like four or five years at that point.

So I’m like, they’re not giving me away. I’m my own person out in the world already. You know? So that just felt like a weird dated phrase for me. Yes.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. There’s a lot of data traditions in weddings that I think we need to analyze, and if your family’s giving you crap about it, it’s like, why do they need to be there?

You know what I mean? Like your family should be making you feel good on your wedding day, and if they’re not and they’re causing drama, it just seems like a lot. I mean, it’s just the tale is old as time with families causing drama at weddings. It’s just like analyze your closeness with these people and it’s good to know for the next phases of life of like, okay, check.

I don’t need Aunt Susie at this or that event because she’s gonna cause drama. So it’s good to know, but it still sucks.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, for sure. That is wild. I feel for all these brides and grooms and whoever else I have to deal with, that kind of stuff because it’s just, learning boundaries I think is like a really big thing.

And When you realize that having a boundary is not mean, it’s just making yourself more, I don’t know, maybe at peace or something. I don’t know the right term, but like it’s just taking care of yourself. Having boundaries and they’re not mean because as they’re recovering people, pleaser, I feel like for the longest time I was like, oh, boundaries are so mean.

I can’t have boundaries. But like it’s healthy. Like you need to have boundaries.

Cora Lakey: I think the people who push your boundaries always have the strongest boundaries, which I find very ironic and something that I’ve learned in the last several months. It’s like, why can these people have the strongest boundaries in the world? Or just walk all over me, but then when I push back, they act like it’s the biggest deal in the world.

It’s very interesting. That’s a’s very interesting. So start to analyze that, those relationships.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s almost like the opposite where they like weaponize the boundary, right? Like they are able to have the strong boundary, but they don’t respect the same for other people. So that’s,

Cora Lakey: yeah. I’m a big proponent of, you need to give the equal energy that you’re capable of taking.

And I definitely had some situations with my last relationship and like in-law stuff where things were, said to me that I would never, if I said that back, like it would be World War iii. Right? And it’s like, why do you think that’s acceptable to speak to me that way? And it’s always so interesting you see.

Adults emotional maturity. When you do give it back to them where you do question their behavior, you start to see a lot of waterworks and a lot of triangulation and things like that. And I think it’s hard with these family situations, but they do make you stronger on the other side of them, and they do force you to have those boundaries, even though it sucks to have to have them, they’re there for a reason.

That’s a buzzword for a reason. So

Christa Innis: yeah, boundaries are like everywhere now, I feel like. And it’s just about like using them in the right way to, you know, ah, bridge a gap, I think.

Cora Lakey: And your wedding day is the right way and the right day. So a big proponent, do what you want at your wedding. Yeah. Who cares what anyone says online in real life, your family.

Otherwise it’s for you. And think about why you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Christa Innis: Yes, absolutely. I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming back on Cora. It was so great hanging out with you. Sorry for all the internet issues. I don’t know what’s going on over here. I gotta figure that out.

Thanks for having me

Cora Lakey: again. Let’s do it a third time.

Christa Innis: Yes, you are always welcome back on. I’ve got like so many stories that are sent to me. So like me, we’re just constantly rolling them out. So anytime you wanna come back on. Love it. Well again for anybody I would love to. Awesome. Well, again, for anybody that’s listening, where can they follow you?

and what kind of content and all that good stuff do they see?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, you can follow me on TikTok at Cora Lakey or my Instagram, Cora Lakey. I think different handles since the last time I was here. And yeah, I talk about my life kind of healing from, starting over. I’m started over at 30 and kind of talking about all the challenges, all the changes that I wasn’t expecting.

So it’s been a wild ride and would love to have you along. Awesome. Well

Christa Innis: thank you again for coming on, Cora.


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