Wedding Feuds, Toxic Family Drama, and The Invisible String with Sarah Wizeman
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever wondered what happens when your wedding is full of chaos and family feuds?
This week on Here Comes The Drama, the wedding chaos reaches next-level insanity! Christa dives into a jaw-dropping story about no-kids wedding rules, a sister’s outrageous demands, and family drama that almost derailed the big day. Then, Christa and Sarah Wizeman break down the wildest wedding confessions from listeners, from toxic in-laws to surprise pregnancy announcements to overzealous sister-in-laws calling off weddings!
Plus, Sarah shares her incredible journey as an author, her book The Invisible String, and her plans for monthly romance and bridal story releases—complete with skits on TikTok and YouTube. This episode is packed with drama, laughs, and insider wedding chaos you won’t want to miss.
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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Sister Drama & Guest List Battles – A no-kids rule sparks chaos when a bride’s sister insists her boyfriend’s daughter be included, leading to ultimatums, family arguments, and threats to skip the wedding entirely.
- Family Feuds & Step-Family Tension – Mom favoritism and step-family dynamics collide, creating heated conflicts over invitations and long-lasting emotional fallout.
- Long-Term Grudges & Wedding Fallout – Even small wedding decisions ripple for years—the bride and her sister barely speak, showing how family drama can outlast the celebration.
- Family Drama & Healing – Sarah opens up about her own wedding, her dad’s no-contact stance, and finding peace with supportive loved ones.
- The Invisible String Books – Discussion of Sarah’s two books, detailing connections, romance, and how her wedding experiences inspired storytelling.
- Skits That Educate – How Sarah turns real-life wedding chaos into relatable skits that teach communication and reflection.
- Wedding Proposal & Pregnancy Drama – Evaluating awkward and potentially disruptive moments at weddings, and how to handle them with grace.
- Vendor Chaos Stories – Tales of photographers and other vendors nearly derailing weddings, and how couples navigated it.
- Upcoming Projects & Skits – Sarah teases her monthly book releases, including a Hallmark-style Christmas tree farm story.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “People show their true colors in weddings—and it’s wild what comes out when the pressure’s on.” –Christa Innis
- “Sometimes the drama reveals who really has your back—and who doesn’t.” –Christa Innis
- “Watching chaos unfold in real life makes you rethink your own behavior too.” – Christa Innis
- “I never knew mothers-in-law could try to cancel weddings… until I heard it firsthand.” – Christa Innis
- “The right skit can turn drama into a lesson everyone remembers.” – Christa Innis
- “By sharing my story, I realized I’m not alone—and neither is anyone else going through it.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Wedding drama forced me to be grateful for the people who really showed up for me.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Turning these moments into skits helps others reflect and even heal their own relationships.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Communication is always the best. I tried reaching out, even when it didn’t work, because it’s worth it.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Even without the perfect wedding, I found the perfect people around me who mattered most.” – Sarah Wizeman
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Sarah
Sarah Wizeman is the queen of TikTok wedding stories, from unhinged skits to “did-that-really-happen?” confessionals — and she is truly one of the most personable humans on the internet. She’s also an author (yes, a full-on romantic comedy writer!), and I’ve linked her books below because you’re absolutely going to want more of her after this episode. We had an absolute blast chatting, and she even shared her own jaw-dropping wedding drama that left me stunned — plus we dove into some wild listener submissions that took the chaos to a whole new level.
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Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and this is gonna be a short introduction because I’m starting to lose my voice. Um, it was a little raspy in the beginning, but I had so much fun talking with my guest today. Sarah Wizeman, she’s all of TikTok sharing different wedding stories, skits, and I just love chatting with her.
She’s so personable and she’s actually an author as well. She wrote a romantic comedy too, in fact. Um, so I have the links to those below, but we just had so much fun chatting and she shares her own wedding drama story that will have you completely shocked, um, in addition to our other wedding story submissions that we read.
So without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode with Sarah Wizeman.
Hi, Sarah.
Sarah Wizeman: Hi Christa.
Christa Innis: Thank you so much for coming on. I know we’ve been like chatting before recording, but I’m just so excited to finally meet you. I think I was telling you, so many people had tagged you in my comment saying, ‘you need to have Sarah Wizeman on the show. I love her stories.’ And so I thought, what better way to connect and have you on?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh my goodness. How exciting. I know I love you and your skits. Oh my gosh. And we are like, so f familiar or similar, with the wedding stuff, so I’m so honored to be on your podcast, so thank you for having me.
Christa Innis: Of course. No, I, love like watching skits and like, obviously like that’s how I kind of got into it too.
We were just talking about how we love telling stories and. Even before like making skits, like if I was telling someone a story, I was like such a detail person. Or maybe the details didn’t matter, but I’d be like, the sky was blue and that girl was wearing a pink shirt. And then like people would be like, okay, get to the point.
But like, it’s just part of storytelling. I feel like that’s how you are too.
Sarah Wizeman: Yep, exactly. I’m like every, and then there’s this detail, oh wait, I have to back up. And there’s more details that I forgot about. So let me do that real quick.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So how did you start doing this like skit kind of content?
Like how did you start getting into it? What was your first skit, all that good stuff?
Sarah Wizeman: Well, I started off in TikTok, you know, with the TikTok dances and just having fun with that. I was trying to like, leave my job to be like, become a content creator and an author, ’cause I really loved to write and I’ve always loved to write.
And so, February, 2024, I published my first book, the Invisible Spring. and I was trying really hard to promote it and get it out there. It’s about like how my husband and I have always like, been intertwined with each other. So I was like, let’s try to get it out there.
I didn’t do schizo at first. At first, I was just kind of like reading passages from it and doing little bits here and there. And then I started to do a little bit of, Skits, quote unquote, like where I would just kind of like talk back and forth, not really get full on into the acting. And then one day I got kind of overwhelmed with everything and I was also planning my wedding
I decided, to have a child-free wedding. And, we had someone, like talk to us about how they went to a child-free wedding and they said that they had a wonderful time, but she said that, the bride at that wedding was getting a lot of complaints, from people because they were like, I wanna bring my children.
And so I was like. It would be really fun to just like, let loose and do a skit about this. So I did a skit about a child free wedding, and then it like just took off like the drama of it. Like one lady’s like, ‘I’m gonna bring my children anyway.’ Like I threw that in there and then that one just took off and I’m like, okay.
And then I started to do ones with like bridesmaids and like a couple going on their honeymoon and just like big plot twists, like where it was just like, what just happened? And then it just took off from there. And I’ve been doing skits ever since.
Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s like the skit content is so interesting because like it allows people to like see it from an outside perspective.
And at first I was like, when I did it, I was like, am I creating like more I dunno, anger or whatever. But then like, I’ve gotten so many messages from people being like, no, you’ve helped me like address the situation or you’ve helped me learn how to talk to my mother-in-law. And I’m like, oh, okay.
I’m glad it’s doing something. But it’s interesting that you say that your first one was about a child free wedding. ’cause I think mine was too, it’s such a controversial topic.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes.
Christa Innis: And I’ve never like understood why people get so up in arms about it, even as a mom of a toddler Now, if my husband and I were get, were to get an invite, I would not be offended.
And if they were like child free, I’d be like, I girl, I get it. It’s fine. I know you don’t want my toddler running around grabbing everything. Things are breakable. I understand. Yes. So I don’t get where people get offended by it.
Sarah Wizeman: I agree. It was more for, like, for me, the reason why I chose a child free wedding was just like the safety of it.
Like we were an outside wedding. There was gonna be like an open bar there too. And I didn’t want like the kids to, get into any trouble per se, I guess. Mm-hmm. and I also wanted, like, my friends always kept saying like, I just need a night off. I just like, would love to just drop my kids off at grandma’s and just go party with you.
And then I was like, is if that’s really what you want.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: I’m that’s exactly what I’ll do.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s the thing too. It’s like knowing your friends and family, like who you’re inviting. Because that was the same for me. Like, I was one of the last ones to have kids out of my friend group.
They all had kids and they I knew they were the kinds that were like, no, we’re getting a babysitter, we’re gonna have grandma and grandpa watch them or whatever that was. that’s how like all of our friends and family did weddings. Like Yeah. We had like immediate. Like nieces and nephews at the wedding or you had like immediate cousins kids at the wedding.
But most weddings I’d been to, it wasn’t just a free for all, like huge families. And that’s, I dunno, here and there maybe, but like for the most part I didn’t see that. So I just was like, for us, we did like nieces and nephews only and so we have seven at the time. I’m trying to think. Yeah, seven nieces and nephews.
And so I invited all of them ‘ cause they were like a part of the wedding and then I left it up to the parents. Like my sister didn’t bring her twins ’cause she was like, it’s just they won’t have fun. They’ll be fine out. But I left it up to, the parents. But other than that I was like, yeah, we’re gonna do 21 and older.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I think that is like becoming more of a trend lately to do it that way. And also I’ve seen where like the kids are there for the ceremony and then they go home or they, the couple like, has like a babysitter watch them during the reception part of it too. So I see, I see that happening more frequently as well.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that idea. I’ve been hearing that more and more about like, venues that have like another room where you can get like a babysitter and put like toys and stuff. Mm-hmm. I think if I knew, um, like, like friends of mine or something, were having a hard time with a babysitter, I think I would, I’ve tried something like that, or if my venue could have done that.
Mm-hmm. But again, it was like, I feel like it’s also like how you, I don’t know how you handled the situation too, because I think a lot of it, and I’m, I’m sure like the skit you did too, it’s like the entitlement of like, well I’m gonna bring my kids anyway ’cause it’s wild. I personally didn’t have to deal with that, but those stories happen all the time where people are like, I don’t care if it says no kids.
This is my child. I’m bringing them. And like, I’d be mortified to bring my child where she doesn’t belong necessarily. Right?
Sarah Wizeman: You are absolutely right. It’s not, it’s not the actual like, no kids’ rule. It’s the entitlement. It’s like these people that think that they can just do whatever they want and not,
Christa Innis: oh, I think I’m losing you.
Sarah Wizeman: You can bring your child if it’s, if it’s, if it’s really that
Christa Innis: important to you. I think I lost you for a second. Oh, I don’t know if it’s my internet. Let me check. It says my Internet’s unstable. I don’t know. Okay. Oh, it seems okay now. It again. I can switch like my hotspot or something. Okay. It’s like written weird, but anyway.
Um, okay, so we were talking about, um, yeah, it’s more of the entitlement, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. So it’s more of the entitlement. Like if you were to message me and say like, Hey, I really need to bring my infant, like, or I really need to bring my child, um, or else I won’t be able to come, I would probably be that person to be like, okay, like I understand like you have these needs, but like people who just are like.
I’m just gonna show up with my child because I don’t care. I’m gonna do what I want. That’s like, that’s off. I, uh, that bugs me. That grinds my gears.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it goes both ways too because, um, I’ve heard of also stories where like, let’s say the bride and groom says child free wedding, and then someone in the wedding or a guest says, well, I can’t make it then, but best wishes.
Like, they’re so respectful about it. And then the bride and groom get mad and I’m like, you can’t get mad if someone can’t still get a babysitter. So that’s also the entitlement of the bride and groom feeling like the world should just, should stop for their wedding day. And it’s like if you can’t get a babysitter and they politely decline, still send a gift or you know, whatever, you need to accept that and that’s gonna be okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. Like you said, I see it on both sides and the bride and groom have to realize that everybody else has lies. Their wedding isn’t like the center of everyone’s attention,
Christa Innis: so. Yeah, I know. Um, so what do you think like. So you said that kind of blew up that first skit? Yes. So then do you get people sending you in stories or do you kind of just think of things you’ve seen or what kind of has mostly inspired the stories you do?
Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I do get people who do try to message me stories. Um, I’ve done a couple of those, but I don’t do them often. Um, just because, um, just because like I feel like I would really have to like hop on a phone call with them sometimes and like really get like the actual details. ’cause I’m like, I did that one, I did the first one that was sent in to me.
And I’m like, but she didn’t tell me exactly how this happened. How do I interpret this? I hope I don’t interpret it wrong kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I, so I’ve done that a couple times, but mostly it’s just me, like having inspiration from like, what people have said to me. Um, sometimes I go on Reddit and get ideas from Reddit.
Like I, I’ll take like a Reddit thread. And, um, they’ll, they’ll say like, what happened? And then I’m like, wow, that’s crazy. But like, what could make this even more crazier? Like, what could be even a bigger plot twist than that? So I’ll take like, inspiration from those types of things.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. It’s funny you say that about like, when people send you in stories. I, there was a wild story one time, I’m trying to think which one it was. I think it was the one where either it was like a surprise wedding for the bride, like the groom and the bride’s mom planned the wedding. Yeah. And she was like, it was like scary, like, honestly, like how weird it went. But all these people are commenting like, there’s no way this happened.
This couldn’t have happened. And someone literally commented like, do you fact check this? And I’m like, what do you want me, how do you want me to fact check? Do you want me to call all their family members? And I was like, I was like, you can take everything I feel like on the internet with a grain of assault.
Right? So like, I get a, I get a story sent to me and I always say. Like, either I come up with it myself or it’s inspired by a story. Mm-hmm. And I’m like, I’ll just take parts of it and I mix it all up. You know, I put it in a B blender and I mix it. ’cause I’m like, I only get part of the story. And even if I get a really detailed story, I’m only getting it for one perspective.
Um, yes. As I don’t agree with the person that send it to me either, which is really awkward.
Sarah Wizeman: That that’s, that’s very awkward.
Christa Innis: I know what you mean though, because I’m like, yeah, because a, a couple of podcast episodes actually, um, we’ll see when we get to ours, but I’ve read the story with the person and we’re both like, oh no, this, this person’s like in the wrong.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh no. Yeah.
Christa Innis: And then you have to kind of figure out how to like, twist it and show like both sides and Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, no, I, yep. That’s kind of also one of the reasons why I don’t do a lot of people who send me stories, um, is because like if I do end up changing it and like it offends them because I don’t agree with it, then I don’t even wanna get into like that or like, you know, like offending them in any way I guess.
So yeah, I was just.
Christa Innis: This is unbiased. I’m just taking what I can see. Yes, exactly. Like around like if a bride sent it to me, I might make it from the groom’s perspective and mix. Oh yeah.
Stepmother Sabotage, Wedding Day Chaos, and Family Loyalty
Um, okay. Do you have any wild stories of your own? Like either something you’ve seen or heard or something that maybe you’ve made into a skit? I don’t know, but yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, yes, I have my own story that is based on my own wedding. Um. And it’s a little bit of a long one, but basically, um, what happened was my dad didn’t show up to my wedding. Okay. Yeah. So, um, we’ll go back to when I got engaged. Um, so, um, I got engaged in August of 2023, and then right after that my father announced to us that he, um, uh, was diagnosed with cancer.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: And, um, at that point, uh, he announced that in October, I’m, I think it was so August? Yeah, it was a co it was like a month after month and a half after. So in October he announced by this time, um, I had been with my fiance for a long period of time before that, so we kind of already had like what we wanted to do with a wedding.
So our plan was to go on a destination wedding, like a cruise wedding to Bermuda. Like, we had our heart set on it. All of our friends were on board. Um, and so we sent out the invitations. He got diagnosed. Um, he was, he was still excited about it. Um, he was a little nervous ’cause he doesn’t like to travel very much, but he was still excited.
Uh, one day I get to the, um, to their house and, um, we previously had a cruise plan, but we had to cancel it because my dad’s job and, um, my stepmom, uh, we’ll call her El, um, she commented to me, she’s like, oh, you’re going to Bermuda for your wedding. I really wish we could go back to Alaska. Um, like the other cruise was planned for. And I was like, oh, um, yeah, but this is what, uh, Bernard, uh, my fiance, well now my husband and I really want. And, um, and then that was just, I like, kept that in my mind. I’m like, oh, that’s weird.
A couple months go by. We needed to finalize the bookings for the cruise. And all of a sudden my dad calls me up and says that he’s not going to be able to make it to the wedding.
And I’m like, I need my dad there for my wedding. I need my father to walk me down the aisle. Yeah. And um, so my husband or my fiance at the time, husband now, I’ll just call him my husband from now on out. Yeah. But, um, he and I decided we were gonna cancel the cruise and we were gonna do an at-home wedding and we were gonna use the cruise as like our, um, honeymoon.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So when your dad first said, I’m not gonna the wedding, what was his reasoning? Was it ’cause of the cancer? Was this like he just didn’t wanna trouble or what?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, at first he said like, you know, um, I, this cancer is taking a lot outta me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I can’t travel ’cause of my immune system. That’s why I was like, we need to cancel it. It’s not my dad’s fault that he can’t make it. You know, I, I want my dad there. Mm-hmm. And so, um, we canceled it and we began planning, um, back home.
Uh, fast forward to like, a couple months before my wedding, so this was May of 2024. And my stepmom, my dad and I and my sister were out for ice cream to celebrate my birthday. And she, my stepmother stands up and is like, I have an announcement to make, or we have an announcement to make and we’re like, oh, what’s going on? We’re going on a cruise.
Christa Innis: Stop it.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I’m my sister. Immediately, sna like, breaks her neck, looks at me and is like. What, like, like looking at me to make sure I’m okay.
I held my composure and I just like nodded and I was like, oh, hmm. And like they explained what the cruise was about. My dad was like looking down the entire time like he knew not even like, wanting to talk. Yeah.
Christa Innis: He knew she must stop.
Sarah Wizeman: So I just like that really hurt. I let it go.
Christa Innis: Other things started. Sorry to cut in, do you?
No, that’s okay. Think, um, when she made that like kind of snide comment about I wish we were gonna Alaska, they went home that night and she’s like, I can’t believe they’re going on a cruise. We need to go on our cruise first. Or like, made some kind of comment.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, she probably could have, I’m not gonna say like, I definitely think she did that or what, but she is the type of person, she’s the type of person to do that, unfortunately. Which it’s really sad, but Yes. Went along. So, yeah, my dad does not have a backbone around her at all. Like, oh, and when he and her got married, uh, there was some issues way back then. There was some issues with us too. We like, kind of fell, fell, fell back, um, because he married her so fast, like within two months of knowing each other.
Oh, wow.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That’s a whole another story.
Oh, girl. Wow.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah. So, um, there were some issues with that. And so, um, like during that time, I was young at that time I was in my early twenties. Maybe I was even 19 at the time, but I was like, I’m not gonna deal with this. And I moved out and, um. Over the years, we got our relationship back and going again.
And, um, I started to have more of a better relationship with Elle, my stepmom and feeling that, um, and then it came to my wedding and then this stuff started happening. And so yes, it does make me question whether or not she would, she would do something like that. She is very capable of doing that.
Christa Innis: And when was their crew supposed to be scheduled?
Sarah Wizeman: like, yeah, like later. Like around the same time or like a little bit later than our maybe. Oh, ours was in, uh, like late September, early October. I wanna say it was like around then or like November. Okay. So it was around the same time.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Did you take everything in you in that moment to not say something?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah. And I’m like. I like, couldn’t process it at that time. Like when she told me. ’cause I’m like thinking like, what’s the next, like what’s the, um, like what’s the big announcement? Because she just before that said that she had like a little announcement and she said that she got a new job when we were at the ice cream place.
And then, um, it was actually, um, at that time where my sister said something like, oh, hey Sarah, just, um, like her skits are doing really great on TikTok. She has like 50,000 followers. And like my dad was like, what? Like, that’s crazy. And then that’s when she was like, I have an announcement to make. And she like, cut in.
And so
Christa Innis: You have your moment?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like she’s the type of person that just needs like the attention on her all the time. It’s, it’s very frustrating. Um, like to skip forward a little bit. Like other things started happening after that. Like my dad was retiring from his job. They hosted like a surprise retirement party.
He got wind that I was gonna be there, and that caused a huge, a huge argument because he’s like, L wasn’t invited and you are, do you know how that would make it look? I’m like, dad, I’m your biological daughter. And like, I’m like, and it was a retirement party. He and uninvited me from his retirement party. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So is he hosting it or is it his work hosting it?
Sarah Wizeman: It’s at his work. So he was like, um, he like worked for, um, like a big highway department. Um, like, you know, they paved roads and stuff and so they always like threw retirement parties there and they invited the family. And, um, we found out later what actually happened.
We found out that, um, Elle was invited, but she didn’t wanna go because she had, um, my, with my dad’s secretary, um, she worked with her previously and, um, they did not get along, so, oh, I wonder why.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Sarah Wizeman: So she didn’t wanna go.She was mad.
Christa Innis: So she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t invited, didn’t want to go.
And because of that, they didn’t want you guys going either.
Sarah Wizeman: Right. My dad was like, I can’t let you go because it’ll look bad. And I’m like, how is it gonna look bad? I’m not like another woman. I’m your daughter. Like, you know, like, I’m not the other woman or something like that. I’m your daughter. So, yeah, so, so this all happened, so that happened a month, uh, almost two months before my wedding.
And so I. I’m like, you know, like I always usually let things side, but that really hurt. So me and him had a talk. I called him up two days after that happened and I was like, now that you’ve had time to process everything, like what you did was wrong, that was wrong. I told him like how I felt and then that’s when I brought up like wedding stuff.
Like she’s acting this way, dad, is she not gonna let you take pictures with me? Because she’s not in them like, what’s gonna happen at the wedding? I started to bring that up and he’s like, it should be fine, and all this other stuff. I’m like, it should be fine. No, it’s going to be fine, because nothing is maliciously like happening here.
I don’t have malicious intent. I’m not trying to cut her out. Meanwhile, I invited all of her friends to come to the wedding because she is so like, jealous of my mom. And by the way, my mom is, um, has dementia and doesn’t even like know what day it is. Like, so she’s, she, her personality is there, but like she doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand like really like what is going on.
So she would never try to make anybody feel uncomfortable. Yeah. She just like cracks jokes and stuff ’cause you know, of the dementia. So, but my, but my stepmom still has, um, a lot of like, jealousy towards, um, towards my mother and other people.
Christa Innis: Wow.
Sarah Wizeman: So like, that’s why I got into it with him. ’cause I was like, if this is gonna happen at my wedding, like we need to like nip this in the bud right away.
Yeah. So, he, so we, we were good. Like my, my rest of my family, his own brothers were like, I can’t believe he uninvited you. Like, this is crazy. Um, so fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. Um, I hadn’t really heard much from Elle or my dad, um, before then. I did text Elle like a couple weeks before the wedding asking her what song she wanted to like walk out to.
And um, she like, you’re gonna never walk down in part of the ceremony or like, um, like, um, in the reception when they’re like, and the father of the bride and the stepmother, like, I asked, I wanted to include her. I wanted her to like, um, pick the song and like, I wanted her to be included in that process.
So, um, she picked her song and then fast forward to the rehearsal, um, I’m setting up. Everything’s, everything’s like chaotic. My dad and El get there. I asked him to bring the generator like a couple days before and, um, I, I forgot this part, but on the phone when I asked him that, he like, forgot that my wedding was that weekend.
Christa Innis: Yeah, like for what?
Sarah Wizeman: Uh, like I was like, can I borrow the generator? Um, because I need it to power. Um, I think it was like the DJ booth or something. And, uh, he was like, oh yeah, I’m not, I’m not busy this weekend. I can get it over to you. And I’m like, of course you’re not busy this weekend. It’s my wedding.
He’s like, oh, oh yeah. And I’m like, okay. That was weird. Um, so that happened. Then the rehearsal, he comes in with the generator with Elle. I’m like, hi dad. Hi Elle. They like, are stone cold, like don’t even move a muscle in their face. And they’re just like this the whole time.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Like just mad, just like something, I don’t know.
At that point I didn’t know. And so I’m like, oh, thank you for bringing the generator. Um, can you put it over there? And then they walked away and then like people could tell that what happened. And so they came up to me and they’re like, are you okay? Like, what just happened there? And I’m like, I don’t know.
I don’t have time to deal with that right now. I have so many things to set up. So, um, I, I set up stuff. Um, things are, um, like we eat and then we decide to do the actual rehearsal. ’cause we, we rented like a property from our friends, like overlooking a lake. So like, we just had our own timeline. So we just like set up a tent.
We had like dinner and then we did like whatever the rehearsal. So we’re getting ready to go, like walk down the aisle and practice all of that. And, um, I’m like ready to start walking down the aisle and then all of a sudden I’m like looking and my dad’s like nowhere to be found. And then I like turn and look and he’s way back there, like across like the tent. He’s just sitting with Elle by themselves. And I’m like, are you gonna walk me down the aisle? And he like, was like, yeah, yeah. And he like runs up, walks me down the aisle and then we practice it again. Um, he’s like very hesitant to come stand next to me. And when I asked him to stand like near like the rest of the bridal party, my mom was there as well.
He like said no and like ran back down the other end of the aisle to stand next to Elle.
Christa Innis: So like he’s scared of being like within six inches of your mom?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. So, um, so it sounds like him and Ella been married for a while or together for a while now at this point. Yeah. So it’s not like, it’s like some new like fling and your mom and him, like just, you know, like, why can’t you just be like adults?
Sarah Wizeman: Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah. No, they were married for, at this point, 12 years. So they had, yeah, plenty of, I don’t know, plenty of time together. Yeah. I’m just, yeah, it just, every time I, like, every time I tell this story, I’m just like, yeah, I know. I’m like, yeah, I know. It’s cool. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Um, but um, so that happens.
I finally like, um, we wrap it up. And, um, I’m just like overwhelmed by like, what’s going on? I’m like, I don’t feel good about this. Like, I don’t feel good. My dad, like the photographer was there ’cause she wanted to practice and she came up to me and she’s like, just to let you know, you like, you need to work on your smile, like to walk down the aisle.
’cause look at these photos, you look miserable. And my dad’s in the photo and he’s like, like, so like not enjoying his time. And I’m like, oh my gosh, you’re so right. Um, so I start packing things up, um, l and my dad LB lines it to the car. My dad comes up to me and he’s like, ‘when is l supposed to be walking down the aisle?’
And I’m like, uh, she’s not dad. We just practiced it. If she was walking down the aisle, we would’ve practiced her walking down the aisle.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: And he’s like. Oh, well, um, I thought she would be walking down the aisle or something to that effect. And before I could answer, my uncle, his own brother came up and my dad turned and saw him, and then he was like, well, anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.
And then he like, oh, before I did that, I gave him a gift. Like I was like, this is for Elle and this is for you. I just got like a little plaque for her that said thank you for being my stepmom. And for him I like had like a little t-shirt made that said Father of the bride, and I gave them, or I gave him the gift to give to her in the car.
And then my uncle comes up and then he walks away. And then…
Christa Innis: Say the same thing in front of his brother?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Weird.
Sarah Wizeman: And my uncle, whose name’s Matt, he came up to me and he’s like. Did I hear that correctly? And I was like, what? That L’s supposed to be walking down the aisle? And he’s like, yeah. And I was like, yep, you sure did.
And he’s like, that’s a bit ridiculous. And I’m like, I know. And then, um, and he’s like, you gave her a gift and she didn’t even come up to you and accept it herself? And I was like, yeah, I guess you’re right about that. Like, you know, I’m like, I’m, I’m like my mind’s a million times right now. Like everything I have to still do for the wedding, this happening.
Like all of like, what’s like going off, so.
Christa Innis: Okay. So, yeah. So what wedding do you go to where the stepmom, let alone, even like, the moms don’t typically walk down the aisle, so why get so up in arms, like offended by that?
Sarah Wizeman: That’s Yeah, I know. It’s, it, it was mind blowing to me. Like, I’m like, what? So, um, so yeah, so fast forward to that night.
We get back, we stayed at a, like a lake house to get ready. Um, so we spent the night there. Me and my bridesmaids, my bridesmaids all had like an intervention with me that night. They like, were like, Sarah, you need to stand up for yourself. Like, you need to stop just like letting things go. Tomorrow is your wedding day.
Do you wanna be miserable walking down the aisle? And I was like, no. And he’s, and they were all like, it’s so unacceptable the way your dad and Al treated you tonight. Like, um, like, it’s not you. It’s them. Like, they were like trying to convince me that I wasn’t crazy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. So, um, we made the decision together to not have my dad walk me down the aisle and I was gonna have my Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.
Okay. Um, and my uncle Matt has been there for me. Like, he’s like my dad. Like he, my, I wish my dad was like Uncle Matt. Mm-hmm. He doesn’t have any kids of his own. And him and I have like this bond that has just been like so strong since I was born. And so he’s like the ones that, he was the one when like, my dad wouldn’t be able to show up to my sporting events.
Like, he was always there. Um, I owned a food truck for like five years and he showed up to every single food truck event that I did. Um, so he was, he’s really like, you know, the best person ever. Yeah. And we almost lost him to COVID a couple years before and I didn’t think that he was gonna make it. And so I was like.
You know what? He’s here, he is like a miracle. And you know what? I’m gonna have him walk me down the aisle because I think that’s like what, like what is like, like what God is telling me to do at this point. Like mm-hmm. I think this is like what fate is, like this is fate. Mm-hmm. So the next morning, um, we have to go and quickly set up like the little place cards and stuff.
And my bridesmaid, um, her name in my book about this is Taylor, but she’s my best friend and she, her name’s Amanda. She, um, I. She absolutely was like, I will talk to, or I will send a text message to your dad so you don’t have to worry about it. Whoa. Yeah. So she writes, she writes up a text message, um, and then she’s like, does this sound good?
And I was like, yeah. So she basically said like, Hey, she pretended to be me in the text message. She was like, Hey, um, I just wanna let you know I love you, dad. This is like nothing personal against you. I love you so much. But, um, unfortunately with everything that happened yesterday, I’ve decided to, um, make the decision to have Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.
Um, I just, I forget what exactly else was in that note or in that message, but basically it was like, I love you and, um, I still want you there, and, uh, I just am doing this so that I can have a great day tomorrow. So she crafts up that message and we send it to together. And then I’m in the chair getting my hair done and my dad calls me and he is calling me.
Or he, he, he or I say hello. And he’s like, what do you mean? And I’m like, yeah, dad. I just, what happened yesterday? Like I can’t, I can’t be in that same mindset for my wedding. This is supposed to be the best day of my life. And that definitely didn’t feel like it yesterday. And so he just went off. He was like, well, the reason that I was me and Elle were like that yesterday is because we found out that you and your sister hate Elle.
And I was like, what? What? And then lo and behold, um, her biological daughter, Elle’s biological daughter, who was my stepsister, um, she. Got into, um, an argument with Elle and she told Elle that she’s self-centered, always has to have the attention on her. She like, basically like called her out on everything and then said, everybody wants your toxic behavior to change, including Sarah and Katie, who’s my sister, my biological sister.
And so they heard that and they like took it to the next level and said like, oh, you hate, like, you guys hate.
Christa Innis: That’s so well ’cause it’s like if someone, if someone heard that like out of nowhere mm-hmm. Don’t you think they’d be like, be like, I need to talk to them, or like, I need to like look forward or something.
Not like, be like, well we heard you hate her, so we’re just not gonna show up and we’re gonna glare at you the whole time. Like Right. It seems so like juvenile to me, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yes. Yes. And, um, at, at that point. I, I realized when they said that, I’m like, that’s why the last couple of months have been weird. And also they have like barely reached out to me.
So I’m like, oh, okay. Um, so then the whole phone call is just him yelling at me and him like bringing up like everything from the past, like, just like saying like basically how much of a bad person I am. It was just, that was so, that was crazy. Wow. Yeah. And just like listening to my dad, like taking stories out of hindsight and then like reversing them and basically creating lies.
It was just, that was like sitting there on your wedding day, like listening to this. My like, bridesmaids were all in front of me with me on speaker phone talking to ’em and they were like, like that. Oh. And then, um, Elle gets on her phone,
Christa Innis: She probably has on her phone. She gets on the phone?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. She gets on the phone ’cause he’s like, I think you should talk to her. And then…
Christa Innis: On your wedding day?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, this is me. I’m getting my hair done. The poor hairstylist is in the back. Like, like trying to play, like trying to be cool. I like had to apologize to her a million times. I felt so bad. I’m like, oh my gosh. Um, and so Elle gets on the phone and she starts yelling at me and, and saying like, oh, I heard what I heard.
And then I’m like, okay, uh, it’s not true. Like, I’ve never said that I hated you. You and I both know we’ve had our difficulties in the past, meaning like when they first got married and I like moved out ’cause I couldn’t deal with it. Um, you know, and I, you and I both had our difficulties in the past, but I thought like, we like resolved that kind of thing.
And so, um, so yeah, I just, I kind of told her that and then she like went off on me some more and then my bridesmaid, Amanda came up. And was like, Sarah, you are not dealing with this anymore on your wedding day. And she grabs the phone from me and she goes in the other room and she says, you can hear her saying Elle, hello, Elle.
And Elle’s still talking like she can’t hear.
Christa Innis: So she’s just going off.
Sarah Wizeman: She’s just going off. Yeah. And she finally, you hear Amanda go up and then like silence. And then she’s like, Sarah’s gonna walk down the aisle with Matt. If you have a problem with it, then too bad you can show up or don’t show up. I don’t care.
And then like you hear Elle hang up and then Oh, and then you hear, you hear Amanda just like, that’s right bitch. And then she’s like, and she’s like, um, she’s so funny. She’s just like, yeah, and that’s what I thought or whatever. And then I’m sitting there like shaking. ’cause I’m like, what just happened?
And so, um, all of my sister’s crying. All of my bridesmaids are like, like, I’m like, so feeling so bad for my bridesmaids too. ’cause I’m like, they, they could probably come from normal families. Like, you know, they’ve never seen this, like in my mind at that time. I’m like, oh my gosh. So, um. He ended up not showing up.
He texted him and my, uh, husband Bernard are, were very close. Like, um, he, they would do stuff together all the time. And he texted Bernard before our wedding and said, Hey, I’m sorry I can’t make it. And Bernard thought it was a joke. So like, when we’re doing our first look, but.
Christa Innis: He doesn’t know what’s going on.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. He doesn’t know what’s going on. Oh my. And so Bernard is like, I got like, your dad is like really bad at dad jokes. Like, and I’m like, oh no, that’s not a joke. And then he was like, what? And I’m like, yeah. He’s not coming. He’s, he’s not coming. And, um, he didn’t show up. And, um, none of her, like friends, like I had a whole table not show up because all of, she like told all of her friends not to show up to the wedding.
Her friend, her best friend’s son was our dj. Um, and he showed up. But, but because he knows l and he came up to me and he is like, I’m really sorry what you went through. My mom told me what happened. And um, she told me a little, he, she’s, he’s like telling the story of way that she heard it, which was not accurate, but he’s like, I know that that wasn’t it.
’cause uh, he’s like, Elle did the same thing at my wedding. Like he was, he, he told me that like. He like, or she, um, I guess like yelled at his wife at the wedding or something. I don’t know. But like at the time I was like, what? Like, I’m like sitting there at dinner when the DJ comes up to me and I’m like, she did what?
So it kind of made me feel better though. ’cause I was like, oh my gosh, at least I’m not the only one, like who like know, like that sees her side like her true side. Because for a while, um, I would like my whole family, like my sister and my uncles and I were not separated, but like I would be on like my dad and Elle’s like side side.
I don’t wanna say like that, but like, basically I would go over there for holidays and then I would show up later to the rest of the family’s holiday. ’cause they didn’t have holidays together ’cause they didn’t get along. And so I’m, I’m like, was like the middle ground and like they were trying to tell me like all the things that like weren’t acceptable by my dad and Elle.
And then finally like, I was like, you know what? I see what they’re saying now. I see what’s going on. This is very toxic behavior. And after that I realized that like, that’s very narcissistic. I didn’t really know narcissist, like I’ve heard the term narcissist before and I’ve like seen like in like relationships, like where the guy is like a narcissist to the girl, like girlfriend.
But I’ve never seen it like parent, like parent wise. And I am like, oh, well, nope, you’re, that’s it. You know?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact that she instantly made it like victim mode where like you said, you don’t like me, so you’re terrible. Not like. Not understanding that like maybe someone doesn’t like you because of how you treat them.
Yes. Like she can’t look inward to be like, how have I treated ’em? Yes. And then for your dad to just go along with it and just be like, well, she said so I’m just gonna go with her. It’s like, this is your daughter and your daughter’s wedding. Like
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. I know. And he, I am convinced, he’s like brainwashed, I guess is the best word for it.
Um. I mean, like he, my, my husband always says too, like, he’s the one that has to live with her every day. And unfortunately, he’s probably picking his battles. Like, is he gonna go against his wife that he has to deal with every day? Who knows like, what she’s capable of? Yeah. Or is he gonna like side with his daughter who like, doesn’t see him like that often, you know?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wizeman: And so it’s really sad to say it like that, but he like had a point. I was like, yeah, that’s, that’s true. I guess, but not, yeah, it’s not either way. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s not great. It’s not okay either way. It’s right. I feel like it’s like, on the outside, it’s, it’s easier for, not easy, but like for us to look at it and be like, all right, I guess, you know, like that’s the situation, but, like if my, you know, partner was telling me, uh. That about my daughter or like, you know, I’d be like, excuse me. You know? Yeah. Like, um, yeah, I don’t know. I always, I always wonder about stories like that because I’m like, I’m like, it breaks my heart when you, when they like get, like you said, brainwashed by someone and it’s like, what does she have that’s so great that like, you can’t see like everybody else in front of you saying she’s the, she’s the problem over here.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exactly. I, I really don’t know what it is other than the fact that like, when they first got together, like when my dad and her first got together, things were a little rough because like, my dad was actually in the middle of dating someone who had cancer and like, he didn’t want to like, she was like stage four and like he, like, he didn’t want to like.
I guess he was like a coward in that way. Like he didn’t wanna break it off with her. It’s like there’s so many, like there’s so many little stories to that that’s like a whole nother like hour. But basically like, I guess Elle had trust issues coming into that relationship because they got married so fast and she didn’t realize like everything that was going on.
And so like what I think is happening is that like he married her legally and like realized how like kind of crazy she is. And um, possibly like is scared that like she’ll take everything from him if he like divorces her and stuff like that. I’ve like thought about that. Like me and my uncles talk about like things like that, but I don’t know. I really, I don’t know why my dad, why my dad is like that at all.
Healing, Family Drama, and Finding Connection Through Storytelling
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I guess we never really fully know or always know the full story, but Yeah. Wow. So that kind of inspired your first book or not inspired, that’s partially in your book, “invisible string?”
Sarah Wizeman: So I have two, so there’s two parts to it.
So this one that I showed earlier is my first book. This is the one like about like how my husband and I met each other and how like we’ve always been connected since we were little and we didn’t know it. Um, so this is more of like a feel good book. The second book I don’t have in here, but um, it’s the invisible string too, and that’s where like all the drama happens with my wedding.
So and this book and this book, I start, um, it’s like my journal entries and I start talking about wedding planning in this book and then it carries on to the second book where my actual wedding happens. And it’s like all the drama from that. So you can see like into my mind, my journal entries are in there of like when it happened and um, yeah.
And unfortunately my dad still hasn’t. Talk to like any of us. Like he cut off contact with me. My sister, um, my uncles, he cut off like everybody. And I’ve wrote him letters. I’ve, I’ve done a lot of healing. I’ve like debated the no contact thing for a while. And then, um, and then I, uh, decided, you know what?
I, I think talking is always the best. Communication’s, always the best communication is key. We wouldn’t be here, we wouldn’t be in this predicament if they just communicated with me and asked me like, did you say that? Or like, whatever.
Christa Innis: Right?
Sarah Wizeman: So I was like, you know what, I’m gonna do that. She wrote a letter, didn’t hear back, have called him, hasn’t haven’t heard back.
And so, yeah, I’m just like kind of on my own healing journey. I’ve been, I’ve been really in my healing journey this past year, but now it’s like getting to the point where it’s like, all right, you know. I’m, I’m good. I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m good now. Like I am, you know what, I’m no contact from his side, I guess. And, you know, it’s, he, it’s his loss at this point.
Christa Innis: You know?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So true. And it’s like, and it sounds like at least you have, um, like your son, like your uncle Matt and your sister and you know, and you, people around you that support you and love you and, and not saying any of that’s gonna fill a void or whatever, but I’m sure it’s like helping with the peace of like, okay, I have Uncle Matt who’s been a father figure my whole life.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: And it really is your, your dad’s loss because that’s just, it’s disappointing on so many levels that someone can be brainwashed so easily and forget their family like that.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. And what is really like a positive experience out of this is that by sharing my story, and I did a whole skit on my book, I turned both of my books into skits, like long form skits.
Um. What’s really positive about it is like how many other people who like, have gone through the same thing and they are like, you really, you know, made light of something that I didn’t even know that was like, that was like an option that I could like do. Or, you know, like they didn’t feel alone. I keep getting messages like that.
I don’t feel alone in this. Like, I thought I was going crazy, but I’m not the only one. And it’s really nice to hear those messages that, you know, like my books have helped people and, and like they can relate to them. ’cause it makes me feel less alone too. Like, oh my gosh, I’m not the only one that goes through like tr like this traumatic stuff.
Like, especially during we, uh, like a wedding, you know, it’s, yeah. You know, it’s like, like I was like, the wedding for me was like such a big deal. Like I was so excited to plan my wedding and then like all of this happened and I, it was just like, it was like, okay, it was like kind of a wake up call for me.
’cause I was like, maybe I put too much like, um, what’s the word? Like expectations? Yeah. Yeah. On like, my wedding and like maybe that like, it allowed me to be grateful to be in like, the present moment and to really value like my actual friendships and the relationships that I did have. Like my, my bridesmaids who came to bat for me.
They were all there for me. Like, I may not have had a dad walk me down the aisle, but I had my uncle Matt and my girl show up for me. And that like, really like made me realize how grateful, um, I should be like for all of them and how thankful I am for all of them.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like, I feel like we hear a lot of times like in these big events that, you know.
People show their true colors, right? And so, like, people that are jealous of you or people that have animosity towards you, it will show in these toxic, in these like 10 high tension moments, right? Mm-hmm. And so with them, yeah, it showed, it really showed, and they could not handle it. Mm-hmm. But everyone else, we don’t talk about enough about like, or it shows that it lifts people up and it shows like the positive people in your, and influences your life as well.
So I feel like, um, that’s something we were saying too before recording, is I feel like these stories allow people to connect and also like learn from them or mm-hmm. Um, see it from a different perspective. Like maybe, maybe the dad, a dad. And another story is watching your story and being like, oh my gosh, I was an idiot.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’m gonna go talk to my daughter. You know? So I, I was too, because I’ve had moms message me like, um, like mom’s, I should say. Like, that would be like my, my parents’ age. Um, grandmother’s. They’ll message me and they’ll be like, when I first saw your content, like some of it, like, not offended them, but they’d be like, oh, it made me like think a little bit.
And they’re like, but I’ve learned so much about like how to like communicate with my adult children and how to do this differently and how when I’m overstepping. And so like, like I’ve got like a heartfelt message that was like, thank you for that. And I was like, I never even realized that. So you could think maybe I’m helping another woman in this situation.
Or maybe like someone else is watching, being like, oh my gosh, I’m, I’m not gonna be the toxic stepmother. I wanna be more encouraging. You know? So yes, there’s a lot that could come from it.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That is so true. I actually never thought of it that way. Like I never thought about that part of like someone who is like maybe the toxic mother-in-law or the toxic father or the bridezilla, like watching our skits and being like.
I just did that and maybe I need to change, like you’re totally right and I hope that that does happen. I would love to, I would love to hear stories like that actually, like where they’re like, oh, I realized that this happened and it made me be a better person.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I think so. Because I think it’s like, think about like when things happen in real life, you know, it’s so much more like nuanced, but you see something on tv.
Mm-hmm. And you’re like, oh my God, that’s outrageous. I would never do that. But then you like kind of like you can be like, oh, but you kinda like relate it to your own life. So I feel like if we’re able to like see it play out in a different way, we’re like, wait. Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Right. Yeah, I know. And I feel like.
I know like when you do your skits and when I do my skits, we like very, are like, we’re very much like with, very detailed with the dialogue and so like I feel I’ve gotten that comment before where people are like, oh my gosh, my mother-in-law or whoever has said like the same exact thing to me or something like that.
So it’s, it’s cool to like flip that around and being like, I wonder if people who are in those positions. Hear what we say in our skits and think I just said that exact same sentence, maybe I need to change kind of thing. So yeah, like, oh,
Christa Innis: I didn’t realize that was so toxic to say.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah,
Christa Innis: Yeah.
I think there’s a lot of learning that comes out of the skits, like, oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Oh yeah. I, I think so too. Thanks for sharing that. I know that was like, I’m sure that’s like a lot to like go through and retell, but I think that’s awesome. Yeah. Send me the links to your books too. We’ll talk about it after, but like, and we’ll, we’ll put the links to your books in the show notes.
Okay. Because I feel like, I feel like people, like listeners would love your book as well, because like, they love, like the, they love the romantic stories. They love like the drama. They love a good mix. So definitely share those with me. We’ll put them.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, absolutely.
Red Flags, Green Flags, and Wedding Chaos Decoded
Christa Innis: Um, okay, before we get to the submission.
Submission. This is the follower submission. Why am I saying that? Weird story submissions. Um, we’re do red flag, green flag. Are we, are you fine?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, no, I’m good.
Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. Awesome. Um, okay, so this is Red flag versus green flag. Um, here we go. Okay. “The groom’s sister demands to be a bridesmaid even though she constantly argues with the maid of honor.”
Sarah Wizeman: Ooh. Yeah. I would say that’s a red flag for sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s it.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, but like we were saying earlier. It’s like, there’s always two sides to every story. And this is like the stuff that I take, um, and I’m like, let’s think about it from both perspectives.
Like at first you present a skit to be like, um, the, the sister of the groom demands like to be a bridesmaid because, but like argues with the maid of honor. But then you show like the maid of honor, you show like the other side of like, what’s really going on and like maybe the maid of honor is like doing some evil stuff or whatever.
Some like, like, um, like how I would flip it would be like. Um, the sisters’, uh, the groom sister is actually trying to save the wedding because the maid of honor is trying to like, sabotage ITT or, or something like that. Yes.
Christa Innis: It’s all about like how you word it for No, totally. Yeah. I’ve even had skits where people like, hate one, one character at first, and I see their comments.
I’m like, oh, just wait. Just wait. They’re gonna find out. And then I’ll like completely twist it and they’re like, wait, what? Oh my gosh. I thought I liked, you know, um, because I’m just like, you never know from, Look. Yes. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny.
Um, okay. “A bridesmaid insists on bringing her toddler to every pre-wedding event, even though the bride said ‘No kids.’”
Sarah Wizeman: Red flag.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like we said earlier, it’s like, if it’s like a one off thing, like, oh, I mm-hmm. Sit or canceled or whatever, I’d be like, yeah, that’s fine. Like my, I think my baby shower and bridal shower, I kids or whoever wanted to bring their kitchen to come of course, but mm-hmm. Yeah. Every wedding event, and they’re like, oh, can’t, they’re gonna, they’re just coming with me. It’s like, okay. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Especially if it’s every, every time like, oh, like disregarding the bride’s feelings for everything. I’m just gonna bring them because I didn’t plan ahead, or whatever. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Exactly.
Christa Innis: The, um, “the maid of honor gives a 10 minute speech that turns into a story about her breakup and how she learned to love again.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, red flag. Oh gosh.
Christa Innis: Like no mattered way. What way You look at that, that’s a red flag.
Sarah Wizeman: 10 minute speech. Red flag. No, I’m just kidding. My sister actually gave like a 10 minute speech. It wasn’t that like that, it wasn’t like that. But she gave me, she gave a 10 minute speech that was like, um, talking about all of our like memories and stuff at the wedding.
I think she, she did that because like she added on more after like, the whole thing blew up. So she was like, let’s make this like a good vibe. Like remember all the good memories kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Yes. No, that’s good. That’s, you have to sometimes, like, you need someone like that that’s gonna like really like think on their feet and like flip their vibe completely.
Right. Um, yeah, I’ve, I’ve definitely heard of a few like situations like that.
Um, okay, last one. “The photographer rearranges the entire timeline because they know what works best for lighting.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh. I would say red flag at first. Yeah. Yeah. Red flag probably. But yeah, red flag. ’cause they, I mean I, I’m thinking about like putting the time into like my timeline and I’m like, if anybody changed that, I would be so upset. So, yeah, red flag.
Christa Innis: See, I cares about the lighting. I have a weird, like, per perspective on this one is because, okay. My photographer did my timeline, so before the wedding, oh. Like I could finalize some stuff, but like, we did, like, my photographer was like amazing. I don’t even know if photographers did this, but we sat on the call for probably like two hours, an hour and a half, putting the whole timeline together.
And she’s like, okay, these photos, if your wedding’s at, I think it was like we had an early wedding, three 30 or four 30, I think four 30. She was like, then we should do photos here. Your couple’s photos here. If we want nighttime photos, they should be here. So like, we kind like planned around it. Oh, okay.
But, um, so yeah, I was like, so she. If she moved it, I’d be like, okay, you know? You know what you’re doing. Yeah. Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, see that would be the, yeah, that would be green flag that would like that whole thing. That’s like really awesome that your photographer did that. That’s amazing.
Christa Innis: I know. I don’t know if that’s, yeah, I don’t think that’s typical, but she was like, I always get together with my bride and groom like the week before and we just go over the full timeline and she like sent it to, she typed it as we were like talking and she sent the whole thing over to us, so then I just kinda like updated from my brides and bridesmaids and groom went and sent it out, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. That’s awesome. That’s really cool.
All right, let’s get to this week’s story submission. I’m a little raspy today, so bear with me.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah, I understand. I don’t know. Where are you from Christa?
Christa Innis: I’m from Chicago Suburbs, but I live in Wisconsin now, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. Snow lots. Lots of snow. Yeah.
Yeah, so it’s just been like, we got what? I don’t even know. Like 10 inches maybe over the weekend. Oh, okay. So it was like, it was like a blizzard.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes. I live in upstate New York. Right. Like two hours from Canada, so, um, yeah, snow here too. So, and I woke up this morning, I was like, oh my gosh, I hope this clears up before the podcast.
Christa Innis: I know. Plus I feel like, I dunno if you feel the same way, like you’re just like, with filming and all that stuff, you’re just talking all the time. Mm-hmm. So there’s some days, like I’ve lost my voice more in the last couple years than I think I ever have. Mm-hmm. Because it’s just like recording podcasts.
I do YouTube and then skits. I’m just like, okay, I need to drink tea. Yeah. Yeah. So there’s always that desire. ’cause like, I’ll be like, okay, I’m not gonna do a skit today. Like, I need to take the day off and I’ll just post like for the podcast and then I’m like, oh, they really want the next part. I’m like, I don’t wanna let them down.
Okay. I’ll film the skit and then my husband will be like, rest your voice. I’m like, I gotta get it done. Yes. Like always back here. Like, do it, do it.
Sarah Wizeman: I can relate. Yep.
No Kids, No Compromise: When Wedding Entitlement Gets Real
Christa Innis: Anyway, um, okay, here we go. Love your videos. I’m happy to share my own crazy wedding story from 2021. Feel free to use it however you’d like.
“My husband and I were supposed to get married in 2020, but obviously the Global Pandemic had other plans. We ended up getting married at the courthouse that year and rescheduled our full wedding celebration for the following summer. Since we’d already made deposits and everything, we crossed our fingers that we’d actually be able to have it in July, 2021.
By April, we were still hoping, holding out that hope. The governor finally started reopening things, allowing events again, but only at half capacity. Venues could even be shut down if they went over. We had already planned for an intimate wedding. Our original venue capacity was 84, so they reduced the number to 42, which included us. That meant that we had 40 guest spots total, so we had to be strict about it. Originally, our guest list had 50 people, so we had to make some tough cuts. We did get to invite many friends, but it was mostly entirely family. It was almost entirely family. After days of pouring over the list, we finally narrowed it down.
While working on that list, I messaged my sister for contact. She lives outta state and had been dating a guy with a younger daughter for about six months. When we got engaged, she’d asked early on if he could come, and since that was pre-pandemic, I’d said, sure, no problem. Oh, here we go.
Sarah Wizeman: Yep. Here comes the drama.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Here comes the drama. Okay. When it co, when it came time to trim the list, I checked with her to see if he was still planning to come. I’d never even met him, but if she wanted to bring him, I would’ve kept his spot. It just would’ve been an easy cut otherwise. She said he was still coming and then asked if his daughter Violet could come too.
Ah, okay. We’d already decided on a no kids rule except for my husband’s niece and nephew. Funny how we were just talking about this.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes.
Christa Innis: Who were a part of the wedding party. So I told her Violet couldn’t come and suggested that Violet’s mom could keep her during the trip, my sister immediately freaked out saying, if Violet couldn’t come, she wouldn’t come either.
If your boyfriend’s daughter can’t come, the boyfriend that’s never met your sister, you’re not gonna come. That’s wild to me.
Sarah Wizeman: That that is crazy. Yeah. What, you’re not, all right, uh uh.
Christa Innis: And also to not like talking about communication. Not even being like, okay, you know what? Let me talk to him first and let’s see if the, if his ex-wife or whatever can watch the daughter.
Yes. Just immediately freaking out.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, immediately. Like not even like, like we were talking about communication,
Christa Innis: right? Like Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. It was something different where like she lived in state and she’d met this little girl many times and she’s like, okay, she’s kind of like a niece. Let’s have her too.
But like, she’s never met her. Right. So it also would probably be easier for her to, I mean, I don’t know the ex’s situation, but Right. You know? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Um, all right.
“Honestly, I didn’t care whether my sister came or not. That was her choice, but I knew my mom would take her side as always, and of course she did.
When I told my mom who was paying for the venue, she freaked out too and told me I needed to figure out a way to make it work, because that’s your sister’s family. Nevermind. I didn’t even know this kid or her dad, and that we were already struggling to fit everyone in still. I told her I would look into it.
We went back over the list and there was just no way to make it work without cutting close friends or choosing between cousins in the same family. So I told both my mom and my sister that we couldn’t justify adding Violet. I also said that once we got RSVPs, if anyone declined, we’d probably have the space.” Which I feel like that’s a good response, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that that’s a good like backup plan. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. “That wasn’t good enough. My mom threatened to pull out of the wedding completely. No payment, no attendance over this.” Now, the mom,
Sarah Wizeman: The mom, the mom!? What? Did it say if the mom knew the daughter?
Christa Innis: So far it did not say no. But she keeps referring to it as her family.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay.
Christa Innis: So I don’t know if they’re like all like, let’s see. So it sounds like. 2020 when they originally got engaged, or 2019 when they originally got engaged Uhhuh. So she’s been with this guy for maybe a year and a half, two years by this point. I don’t know.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh my gosh. What?
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. “My sister accused me of playing favorites because we made exceptions to the two kids in the wedding party.
That’s pretty normal though.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. What!?
Christa Innis: “Then she told me I was dead to her. At that point, I’d had enough. I told her that was her choice and she could consider her invitation revoked.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh God. Uninvited.
Christa Innis: Oh my God. Yeah. You’re, you’re done
Sarah Wizeman: Uninvited.
Christa Innis: But you gotta kind of like, not saying I support, like being like, you’re done. But I’m like, you gotta kind of like applaud her for being like, be like, okay, well you wanna play two can play that game. Because I think, I think half the time when people threaten things like that, they would just want you to change it. Like they don’t, they’re not gonna actually follow through.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: They want you to, they wanna get their way.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. I will back you up on that one. Yeah. I’ve seen it happen so many times.
Christa Innis: Have you? Yeah. I just, I feel like there’s so many empty, like, threats out there. ’cause they just, they know they can take advantage of someone.
They’re like, if you don’t do this, I’m gonna do this. So they’re like, they’re like, I just don’t wanna even risk the chance of that happening, you know?
Sarah Wizeman: Right.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. “Cue my mom’s next meltdown. My sister had always been the favorite and this just proved it again in the end. My sister didn’t come to the wedding.
My mom eventually gave in at the last minute. One of my aunts also took my sister’s side and didn’t attend though, to be fair. I think it had more to do with her finding out my uncle was cheating than our own drama.” Okay. Whoa. I think that was separate. Okay. “That’s another, another thing. Once those people took themselves off the list, I actually got to invite a few people we wanted there.
Oh. And as a cherry on top, my mom also tried to get me to cut my stepmom’s parents, even though they’d been in my life for 20 years and were helping pay for the wedding. Obviously I refuse.” I don’t get the whole like telling someone, you have to uninvite or invite someone to the wedding. It’s like, that’s not how it works. It’s not your day.
Sarah Wizeman: No. It’s not your day at all. And also, like of course, the mother would target the stepmother’s family, like I feel like there might be some jealousy or animosity there or something.
Christa Innis: Story, she’s story like by her parents. It’s like, if they’ve been in her life as grandparents for 20 years, I think it’s acceptable.
Right? Oh my God. What? That’s s so of course the mom was never, the mom was always gonna show up, I feel like.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I mean, unless you’re my dad, why are, how are you gonna, how are you gonna miss your daughter’s wedding? You know? Yes. Like that’s,
Christa Innis: And now to be like, put this wedge even more between the sisters, because it sounds like they’re already kind of like far apart, like they live in different states, but like the fact that they’re, I don’t know.
It’s, yeah. Um, so she says, “for weeks afterward, my mom kept pushing me to apologize to my sister, even though I’d done nothing wrong. I told her I wouldn’t and that my sister actually owed me an apology. We didn’t speak for months after the wedding. And even now, four years later, we barely talk. So yeah, that’s my story. Use it, tweak it, or do whatever you want with it.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, oh my gosh. That’s that. Oh, man. So did, did she mean her and her sister barely talk?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That’s, that’s really sad. Like we’re talking about like looking at both perspectives, right? And so like, I could see, like, I could see where the other sister would be hurt.
’cause like, let’s say she’s been living with this guy now, what did she say? She met him in? It had to be, um, they had, let’s see, it was pre-pandemic. When she’d asked early on. So it would’ve been like 20, yeah. 2019. 2019, right. Yeah. So at this point they’d been together, let’s say at mo at the very most, it would be two years.
Okay. But probably not even, maybe a year and a half. Yeah. Um, so for the sister, like she’s been living this with this guy for a year. Maybe the daughter comes every other week. Maybe she like, takes care of the daughter mostly. We don’t know. Yeah. Um, so I could get feeling hurt for sure. Like if you’re like, this is my family, family.
This is my almost stepdaughter and my boyfriend of two years. But to make that be like, what you’re gonna, the hill you’re gonna die on?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Right. Of course it would be easier for her just to like invite, but I don’t know. It’s, yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: I know, it makes me wonder if like she and her sister have like some sort of back history of like just sibling rival rivalry kind of thing going on too.
Like maybe, I don’t know. That’s, that’s how I think with the whole skits thing, but um, yeah, I, that would not be the hill that I would wanna die on. Me and my sister, we are best friends, but we also are, are like tough critics too. So like, you know, we’ve had a little bit of sibling rivalry going on, but I would never like ever not show up to her wedding if she told me that I couldn’t bring my significant other or my child. Mm-hmm. Actually, my, so Amanda, the girl I was talking about, my bridesmaid, she’s more of like a sister to me, and she had her wedding during the pandemic, and she asked me to, um, come by myself without my, um, he was my fiance at the time.
Mm-hmm. Um, and, or no, he was just my boyfriend at the time, actually. But I, I was like, of course, that’s no problem. Like, you know, like, I’m gonna be there for you. I understand because of what’s going on. I know you would have him there if it wasn’t the restrictions. I know it’s outta your control, so. Yeah.
Um, but yeah, I would not choose that as my hill to die on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, I’m even thinking like, let’s say like my cousin who’s like a sister to me, like she lives in another state, let’s say. Like she’s getting married and was like, we’re not doing any kids, so your daughter can’t come. I don’t think I’d be offended by that.
Mm-hmm. Like my blood daughter, I would be like, okay, either I can make it work with a babysitter or I can’t, and be, I either fly with someone to watch her in the hotel room or I can’t make it work. I wouldn’t be like, oh my gosh, how, how dare you like not invite her. Do you hate her? Like, ’cause it’s not that personal.
Yeah. Like it’s not personal. There’s just some places that I feel like aren’t meant for kids sometimes. Yeah. People just don’t want that vibe and, and that’s okay. Like when people get up in arms in the comments about it, they’re like, oh, well, wedding’s a family event. And I’m like, sure. But it’s also a party.
Yeah. It’s alcohol. Mm-hmm. I mean, so it’s teach their own, like, you wouldn’t bring your child into an R-rated movie. You wouldn’t bring your child to like a nightclub or, you know, like there’s, there’s certain places and if that’s the vibe you want for your wedding, you, that’s the beauty of it. You get to pick what vibe you want and um, but yeah, it’s like you can’t be like up in arms about. Or mad at the bride for wanting it a certain way, you know?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exact. Exactly. Like whatever the bride wants. I, I, that’s like kind of been my motto is like, whatever the bride wants, like, is like what you respect, I guess, or I, I shouldn’t even say the bride is the couples that make those decisions together too.
Mm-hmm. And so whatever they want, like respect that. Obviously crazy. I’ve seen crazy things happen, but I’m talking about like the people who are like, like the no kid weddings or like mm-hmm. You know, um, other decisions that they make. Like I’ve seen like the dry weddings as well. Like we kind of that’s a whole, like controversy as well too. So Yeah. If you want to support them, respect their wishes, uh, otherwise like just say no thank you to the invite, I guess. Yeah, that would be, that’s like kind of like what my motto would be for that.
Christa Innis: Right. Because yeah, again, it’s like the entitlement because like, she didn’t even try to like. See if they could find someone to watch the child or like, how about we all fly together and then he just stays back with her while go to the wedding. You know, like, yeah. It was anything like that. It was just freaking out on the bride immediately. Yes. And making it her problem. Change your rules for your wedding. ’cause I’m bringing,
and like that’s, that doesn’t sit right, right with me because I’m just like, there could have been so many other ways to go about it. Like if she was like, Hey, actually, like he has sole custody and we, you know, can’t rely on the mom. Okay, well how about you come here and she can come to this, you know, like you can like, communicate through things.
Like, it’s just demanding. I don’t like.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, a hundred percent. Like if she would’ve, instead of texted back the demand or like the, the awful things she could have said, Hey, like, let me talk to him and see like what options we have. Do you have any other options on your end? Like, could you go to the venue and say, Hey, is there like, like something that we could do?
Like, could we. I, I don’t even know what the, ’cause that was like a mandatory, like mandate, but, um, I’m just like thinking like, is there something that she could do on her end? Like, you know? Right. Like, it’s like you were talking about, it’s just like all about communication and Yeah. When you come at someone and just like, start yelling like that doesn’t, that doesn’t end well for anybody.
Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That just starts off all on the bad foot.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Well, that was a, a wild story. All right. Yes. There’s no listening what you, what you think about that.
Wedding Confessions: Toxic Moms, Sibling Drama & Vendor Chaos
All right. I always like to end these episodes with some confessions people send me. They all have to do with weddings and stuff, so, oh, okay. Here we go.
All right. Um, let me check my eyesight here. Okay, here we go. Um, people will send me these on Instagram, so here we go.
Um, “moved across the country hoping it will help my husband limit contact with his toxic mom.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh.
Christa Innis: Keep us posted on how that’s going.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yes, exactly. Oh my goodness. Um, I hope, I hope that, I hope that the toxic mom is not gonna follow you there. That’s like, like what I think of, I’m like, I hope they don’t gonna move there.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like at the end of the day too, it has to be him that limits the toxic mom.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like block or block, um, not answer certain calls or talk to her? It’s not, yeah. Um, this says, “currently terrified that my brother and sister-in-law will announce their pregnancy at my wedding.”
Would that terrify you if someone were to announce their pregnancy?
Sarah Wizeman: Um, no. Um, that would not actually, I would be, I would be the one to be like super happy, especially if like they’ve been like waiting for it for a while, like. That would be just me though. Like that wouldn’t bother me. An engagement on the other hand, I think would bother me a little bit more than a pregnancy announcement.
Christa Innis: Proposal at your wedding?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Proposal. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: I mean, I feel like it’s like, depends on like how they would do it. If they like, were just like, Hey, you wanna let you know? I’d be like, I’d so happy for you. That’s awesome. If they were like in a speech, just so you know, we’re having a baby. It’s all about That’s true about relationships and I think like how you go about it.
Yeah. Because I did get a story sent to me once where, um, the whole like. Engagement. It was like a one upper kind of thing, right? With the two siblings. And the mom wanted to do a grand gender reveal at the wedding and they were like, no, like they wanted like balloons and like, and then they saw, and one of the bridesmaids saw the mom loading boxes of balloons into the car.
And they were like, these are staying out here. And then they like did a big thing at their table. Like she would not say no. She wanted her moment of like announcing that she was gonna be a grandma at the wedding.
Sarah Wizeman: That’s like a, um, a Madison Humphrey, like I can see Madison Humphrey. And being like, oh my gosh.
Wow. Yeah, I can, yeah, that’s on hand. Yeah, no, I was thinking like, it would be more of like, um, like they would be like over in the corner, like at the bar or whatever, and being like, just let you guys know we are pregnant. Like, kind of like talking to their family. Not like a whole shebang, balloons and stuff. Holy cow.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I wonder if like, this girl has like a hint that something big is gonna happen or I don’t know. Mm-hmm. Good luck, girl. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Let her know. Let us know or let Christa know what happened. Yes. Let us
Christa Innis: know. Um, okay. This last one says, “sister-in-law to the bride called the pastor and said he shouldn’t marry the couple.” Yikes. Why are we doing that?
Sarah Wizeman: The sister-in-law called the pastor and told him that they shouldn’t, he shouldn’t marry them.
Christa Innis: Uhhuh.
Sarah Wizeman: What? Wait, is the confession? Confession is coming from the bride or the sister?
Christa Innis: No, it just says, it’s just says the si The bride’s sister-in-law called the pastor. So I wonder if it’s just like things that people like.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay.
Christa Innis: That’s why.
Sarah Wizeman: Wow. That is, that’s, I wonder why, I wonder what provoked that. I, I feel like maybe infidelity, uh, I don’t know. Or just doesn’t like her. Yeah. Or yeah, like the cattiness of it. I’m so nice.
Christa Innis: I just heard a story where a sister-in-law tried, um, canceling the bride’s dress like she called the bridal shop.
And pretended to be the bride and said, we will no longer need your services. And she went around and canceled vendors and venues.
Sarah Wizeman: I did a skit like that once. I can’t remember the actual details, but I remember like the mother-in-law calls in and like cancels, um, cancels a bunch of different things and then they show up and nothing is there.
So. That’s, I feel like that’s like a popular thing. Um, oh my God. Like that. I’m, he, I like hear it all. I hear about that a lot. Like people like, ’cause that’s why, um, like, uh, the vendors have to have a code now. Like, so like when you call in, like they have to make like a special code, um, before you can like, cancel anything because like they’ve had problems with like, people calling in and like changing stuff or canceling it.
Um, that weren’t supposed to.
Christa Innis: That’s why I know. I never knew that was a thing until people started sending me stories and they were like, yeah, my mother-in-law tried changing everything at our venue. And I’m like, what? Why do people, people do that? Like, this is really making these skits. I’ve really learned a lot about how crazy some people are.
Sarah Wizeman: I know, I’m, I agree with you. ’cause I’m like, wait, she did what? I have to act that out, you know, kind of thing. Like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That’s so funny.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was so fun hanging out with you. Oh
Sarah Wizeman: gosh. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I was so excited to be on.
It was so fun to talk about all the different stories and stuff, so thank you for having me on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And thank you for sharing your story. I know that was a lot probably to dive back into, but, um, can you, for everyone listening, can you share again, like where they can find all your content, your, like your social handles, your book name, and anything else fun you’re working on?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Um, so my book name is The Invisible String. I think it might be backwards, but in the invisible string. No, it’s, it’s forward to me. Oh, it’s okay. Cool. Yeah. Um, you can find it on Amazon. Um, and then all my handles are just @Sarah Wizeman for any of my social media. I’m on TikTok and YouTube. Um, I don’t really go on Instagram that much.
It’s just like, it’s like comp too complicated for me, for Instagram for sure. But yeah. And, um, yeah, I’m coming out with, so I’ve like challenged myself to kind of release like a new book every, like, on YouTube is more like my, like longer stories where TikTok is like my short like bridal stories and like crazy skits.
Um, so I’ve challenged myself to like publish a book every month, um, and then like kind of month act it every month. Yeah. Act it out on Go girl. It probably won’t be as big as this. Not that this is big, but it like, probably will be like short stories kind of thing. But, um. Right now I’m working on one ’cause I work, I help my, one of my best friends who was a bridesmaid of mine, she owns a Christmas tree farm and it is so fun to work with her at the Christmas Tree Farm.
So the next book I’m gonna be publishing here soon is actually like a Christmas tree farm story, so…
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Like Hallmark story.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, yes. I’m so excited about it. So, and then I’ll act it out and like post it on YouTube and kind of do that like monthly over there. But TikTok will basically stay like the plot twist crazy wedding stuff and like romance, like I usually like romance, uh, crazy relationship stuff, all that.
Christa Innis: I love that. That’s so smart. That’s such a smart way and fun way to like market your books too and get people. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well thank you so much. We’ll put all the links to all your books and everything in the show notes as well.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Thank you, Christa!
Rogue Maid of Honor, a Stolen $2,000 Veil, and DIY Wedding Confessions
“How does a seven-day wedding turn into disappearing bridesmaids, stolen wedding items, and a maid of honor who controls everything?”
This week, I reflect on the fast pace of life in 2026 and share my personal goal for the year: finding pockets of presence amidst the chaos. Also, this week’s story is pure chaos: a wedding planned in one impossibly long week, a maid of honor sabotaging dresses, crushes, timelines, and even the bride’s veil, plus last-minute drama that left everyone questioning why she was chosen at all. In this episode, I break down the red flags, the boundaries, and why wedding parties should not be unpaid labor.
Plus! New Year Giveaway: Win 1 of 4 $50 Amazon gift cards! Share a photo or screenshot of you listening, tag me @heychristainnis, and you’re entered. Winners will be announced on February 12!
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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- A Wedding Planned in Seven Days – The couple caves to outside pressure and plans a full wedding in one impossibly chaotic week.
- The Maid of Honor’s Jealous Control – Emily dictates outfits, decisions, and even the wedding party lineup, manipulating the bride at every turn.
- Drama at Hair & Makeup – Emily confronts the bridesmaids, accuses them of betrayal, and storms off with half the bridal party.
- Addiction Secrets Revealed – A bridesmaid confides Emily’s struggles to the bride, igniting emotional fallout at the worst possible moment.
- Stolen Luxury Items – From shoplifting expensive décor to gifting a stolen $2,000 veil, the maid of honor’s behavior escalates fast.
- Setup Chaos & Missing Support – The bride is forced to hammer tent stakes and manage heavy labor while her wedding party disappears.
- Crush Drama & Vanishing Acts – Emily leaves the wedding to chase her crush—while also flirting with the bridesmaid’s crush out of pure chaos.
- Lice, Lies, and Last-Minute Regrets – The bridesmaid catches lice from Emily twice, and the bride later admits she wishes she’d chosen a different maid of honor.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “How long is this week? This is the longest week I’ve ever heard of.” – Christa Innis
- “We cannot assume that being in your wedding party means unpaid labor.” – Christa Innis
- “Keep the bride out of the drama—especially the week of the wedding.” – Christa Innis
- “At some point, we have to take responsibility for ourselves.” – Christa Innis
- “If you’re planning a wedding in seven days, keep it stupid simple.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
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Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and it is officially 2026, which is wild to think about. I feel like every year goes faster and faster the older I get, and especially with being a mom now. Well. Almost going on three years. Um, I feel like it goes even faster.
And it’s just, it’s unfair how, uh, they always say time is a thief and I didn’t really believe it. And then I got older and I had my daughter and I’m like, oh my gosh, where does the time go? So I feel like even more so, I’ve become more of a planner because I’m like, if I don’t plan things, like I lose track of time and it just gets like taken from me.
It’s like the beginning of the summer, my husband and I had all these plans for our daughter. Like, we’re like, okay, we wanna go take her to the beach, we wanna take her to this museum. And we’re like, oh, we have so much time. And then all of a sudden you like realize, you’re like, I have a week left. Um, and so I feel like I’ve become more of a planner, which is great in some ways.
But one of the things I really struggle with is then being fully present, because you’re always thinking of the next thing. And I don’t know if that comes with like the mental load of motherhood or parenthood, but it’s like I’m always thinking about what’s next. Like I plan things out when it comes to my social media content.
I plan things out when it comes to, uh, family activities, what we’re doing in the next week, and it just makes everything move so fast. So. My goal for this year, and maybe you guys can relate to this or not, but uh, my goal for this year is to find more pockets of presence. And I’m kind of like talking through it as I’m figuring it out, but just those moments of quiet to just be still and really like soak in everything that’s happening.
And I think I brought this up before where it’s like, um, you, we tend to dwell when things aren’t going great and we just wanna get through them, right? But when things are going well, we don’t take a moment to just like soak it in and be like, wow, this is awesome. Or Wow, how am I feeling about this? Um, so I feel like it’s good just to account our emotions and how we’re feeling about things.Um, I feel like a therapist right now. Um, this is like, these are the things that go through my head is just kinda like bounces all over the place.
Small Pockets of Happiness and Personal Growth
Um, anyway, I had notes for today, but I’m just kinda like going off on a whim. I kind of talked about last week how I’m not really a New Year’s resolution type person.
I love goals and I love, you know, the idea of a resolution, but I don’t think it has to be necessarily the, in the new year, I think everyone has their kind of their. Personal best times to set goals, whether that’s your birthday month, your, um, you know, the new year or, um, the next week. You know, some people just have to like do what works best for ’em, right?
I’m someone that always sets weekly goals, monthly goals, and I just. I’m always, like I said, always thinking about the next thing. But there’s something fun and exciting about a fresh year. Um, like, I’m gonna get a little boo here, so just bear with me. But I just love the idea of like a clean slate, trying something new, setting a goal of like, something that’s like kind of wild and being like, oh, you know, I’ve never done this before.
Let’s try it this year. Maybe I’ll fail. Maybe I’ll love it. Maybe I’ll hate it. You know? Um, I think like when we’re really young, we’re encouraged to try all these different things. And then we get to a point, and maybe it’s like teenage years or young adulthood, like twenties, where we’re like, this is who I am.
I just have to check the boxes. I can’t all of a sudden be that person because I’m, I’m a poser then, or I’m, you know, we get all these ideas in our head of like, we can’t go a different direction. Right? And so when I was like 25. Gosh, I don’t even remember the age. I wanna say like 20, maybe 26, 27. I was at this really toxic job and I was just looking for an out, like the beginning.
I was just running through the emotion, the emotions I’d wake up at like the last minute that I had to, to rush around and get ready. I was always late for work. I hated being there. So like miserable there. The boss was so toxic. I would come home crying every day. It was just awful, right? And I was like, there’s gotta be more, like there’s gotta be something else.
I know this is not what I’m meant to do. And it started by like finding some, like more like encouraging podcasts. And then I read a book called Better Than Before, and this book I had had on my shelf for so long. It’s not like a promoted thing or anything. I’m just trying to share some encouragement in the new year.
I had this book book on my shelf for so long, and I was like, I just wanna read it. I wanna read this book. And I kept finding excuses to not read this book. And I would always just tell people, oh, I’m not a reader. I’m not a reader. Like I, I only, you know, read here and there, right? And one day I was like, I’m gonna read this book.
This is my goal to read this book. I’m gonna read it. And it started off talking about how this guy wanted to wake up earlier and he just started slowly, like waking up 15 minute increments earlier and earlier. And I started doing that and then before I knew it, this is gonna sound crazy to a lot of people out there, um, but I would just wake up at five 30 for joy.
It, it completely changed my days and again, this is a while ago. I don’t do that now, so I’m not like trying to say like, and be like me ’cause I don’t, I don’t do that completely anymore. But I would wake up five 30 or six and I would just read. And having that control in the morning made me realize like, I can do so much more with my time.
That brings me joy. And I think it’s really important to listen to that voice. ’cause I think so many times we just move through the motions and we don’t really ask ourselves like, do I do something to bring my joy today? What do I feel today? And if your whole day is spent, you know, like struggling or unhappy, we just go through the motions and we’re never actually fulfilling something in us.
I know that was like a long spiel, so I hope I didn’t lose you guys on that. But what I’m trying to say is I’m just gonna encourage you, like, if there’s something that’s been weighing on you or something you’re like, I wanna try that. Or, when I was 10 years old, I love drawing. I don’t draw anymore. Pick it up and just try it.
Buy a, buy an adult coloring book, get some markers. Um, you don’t to spend a lot of money. You can spend $2 at the, at the Dollar store. You know, find something that brings you joy this year and, and it sounds kind of crazy and woo woo, but. Even finding 30 minute pockets out of the day to just do something that brings you joy can completely change your day.
Again, I know that was like a long spiel and not how I normally start these, but I’m just feeling, I’m recording this before the new year, but I’m just feeling very hopeful and excited about the new year, and if I can spread a little encouragement to those out there that are struggling or just feel a little hopeless, I know there’s a lot of things that aren’t great in the world right now and.
What’s, you know, on our political climate and all that. Um, not to get into politics, but you know, there’s a lot that’s not great and there’s a lot of change I wish to see. Um, but I think if we can, you know, find joy in like little pockets of our day, I think it will make a difference. And then we can kind of reach out and fill other people’s cups too. Anyway, that was a long spiel. I’m sorry guys. I hope that was okay. Um, so I hope that. That helped someone out there.
Um, before I get to today’s episode, just for a little quick reminder to do my new year giveaway, um, I’m giving away four $50 Amazon gift cards. All you have to do is share a photo of yourself listening to the podcast, a screenshot of your phone listening, a screenshot of your review, and then tag me on social media tag hey christainnis and that’s it. So I will select four winners. The winners will be announced February 12th episode.
Wedding Dilemmas: Navigating Registry Drama & Friend Photographers
All right. Next up we are going to do wedding dilemmas. Um, you guys sent me these in. That was a weird way to say that. You guys sent me these in. Um, so let’s see what we got here.
Okay, this first one says, “my fiance’s aunt told me that our registry is rude because we included higher price items. She said, it makes us look greedy. I’m embarrassed, but also annoyed ’cause it’s a registry, not a demand list.“ Here’s the thing about registries that I find so interesting. People have so many opinions about them. Um, I remember talking to friends years before I was even engaged and. The, the thing they say to do is put anything and everything on there.
There are gonna be some people that can only afford or want to spend under 50 bucks. There are gonna be some people that have a higher price point and they want to buy something really nice for a couple hundred bucks. There’s no expectations. Um, I’ve never looked at someone’s registry and been offended by it because I’m like, I know either that’s outta my price range, or they’ll get that from their parents or.
I’d rather get them blank, you know? Um, so if she’s gonna, I think it’s kind of rude for her to tell you that your registry is rude. She doesn’t need to, you know, pay for that. I think it’s maybe her feeling a little offended, or, I don’t know, maybe her own, maybe she didn’t have a registry. So she just thinks in general they’re selfish.
Um. I also find it’s interesting, and this is like a hill I will die on. I think it’s interesting when people get so mad about like the honeymoon registry, because I’m like, whether I put plates or bedsheets or, um, a new, a new couch on my registry. That money or however you spend that money is coming to me.
So if I decide to return those sheets and I use those $50 towards dinner on my honeymoon, why does it matter? And if you, and I think I, it was Suzanne Lambert that was in the podcast that was like, and if you care about that person, it shouldn’t matter what they use the money for. People still get up in arms in it.
I posted a thing recently about honeymoons and someone was like, I’m not paying for someone’s honeymoon. And it’s like, you’re not paying for it. Like if it’s a honeymoon registry, it’s usually alongside of a wedding registry. So it’s not like you’re buying them a wedding gift and a honeymoon thing. It’s, you can pick and choose.
Um, like a lot of my friends already lived with their partners, had all the pots and pans and all that stuff. So they didn’t need extra pots and pans that they weren’t going to use. Right? So for those people I was like, oh, I would love to buy you dinner and drinks on the beach. I would love to buy you your plane ticket.
You know, whatever that was. Um, and that was kind of a, kind of a cool thing. Maybe it’s just ’cause it’s like a newer thing, but whatever. I wanna let your fiance’s aunt’s comments get to you. Just let him roll off. Be like, you know what, aunt Susie, thank you for your feedback. Um, you don’t need to get us anything. It’s not a big deal. We just kind of wanna put a couple different price ranges on there and if you wanna get us something you can, but no pressure.
Okay, next one. Oh gosh, “my friend offered to do our wedding photos as a gift. But her work is not good. I don’t know how to decline without hurting her feelings or ruining the friendship.”
I have talked about this so many times, and this is something I’m so passionate about. It doesn’t matter if her work is good or not, because either way, I wouldn’t mention that to her, her quality of work. Right. I would just say, especially if it’s gonna be someone you want there as a guest. Say thank you so much for offering.
I really, really appreciate it. However, I just want you there as a guest. I want you there fully immersed in the guest experience, hanging out with us on the dance floor, taking advantage of the open bar, um, being with us for photos, whatever that looks like. Instead of it, if she keeps pushing, just. You gotta repeat and just say, Hey, you know what?
We actually already found a photographer. If someone like that is already is offended that you found a different photographer, they’re not in it for the right reasons anyway, because they’re either looking for more business like they wanna be paid or they want other people to miss their business and that’s not really a good friend anyways.
So, um, just be clear and upfront. It doesn’t matter again if it works good or not. I personally think like a vendor like that. If they’re your friend, you want them there as a guest. Right. Obviously there’s some like vendors, like for instance, I had my sister-in-law make our cake. That’s something where like, she was still a bridesmaid.
So she was a bridesmaid. She could make the cake and she could put the cake, like she didn’t need to like be a part of the cake the whole time. You know what I mean? Like a DJ or a, um, a photographer, a videographer. Those kind of vendors, they need to be their job the whole night. So this friend, if she’s a photographer, she’s not gonna be able to actually hang out, enjoy the wedding.
So just really accentuate how much you want her there as a guest, and you want her to be in photos. You wanna hang out with her and just say, it’s just not possible to have her as a photographer. But thank you.
Would You Rather: Wedding Edition
Okay. All right, onto the next segment. Would you rather, here we go. These are completely random. I have not read any of these, so here we go. “Would you rather deal with a pushy mother-in-law or a bridesmaid who thinks she’s the bride?” Oh gosh. Um, I think I’m very lucky. I’m very lucky that I never had to deal with either of these. I’ve heard stories of. Nightmares on both sides. So I’m trying to think of like the worst scenario.
If I had to deal with either of these. Gosh, I think I’m gonna say a bridesmaid who thinks she’s the bride. I don’t know. I might go back on that just because like at the end of the day. Something’s not working with a bridesmaid, you can just like kick ’em out of the wedding, right?
A mother-in-law is still your fiance’s mom or your partner’s mom, right? So you can’t, you can kick them out of coming to the wedding, but there’s still that blood relationship. So if a bridesmaid is going to be terrible and do all those things, you can just be like, thanks, but no thanks. Mother-in-law has a little more, um, pull in the game, I guess.
“Would you rather have someone wear white to your wedding or someone give an unapproved speech?” Um, wear white. I’ve talked about this before. White does not bother me in the slightest. Yes, for like family photos, it’s nice to like stand out, but like everyone knows you’re the bride like. I don’t know. That does not bother me really.
Um, yeah, I don’t wanna Unapprove speech. Sorry. “Would you rather have a wedding crasher or a vendor who shows up an hour late?” Depends on who the wedding crasher is. If it’s like at the end of the night and we’re all just dancing, having fun and it’s like funny, like older ladies, I’d be like, yeah, come on in.
Sure. If it’s like an ex of someone, someone that we purposely didn’t invite because of like toxic behavior, I would not want that. Um, I’m so bad at these ’cause I like think about things like too, like analytically and like logically. Or a vendor who shows up an hour late, gosh, I’m gonna go with, ’cause I’m such a timely person, I’d be like stressed. I think I’m gonna go with a vendor that shows up an hour late. No, I’d be stressed. I wanna go with a wedding crusher. Yeah, let’s go with wedding crusher. Okay.
“Would you rather have a bridesmaid dropout last minute or add herself back in last minute?” How would she add herself back in? Uh, we don’t just add ourselves back in. Um. That sounds like something that’s really pushy. So I’m gonna go with a bridesmaid dropping out last minute. Honestly, I don’t see the big deal. Um, like, yeah, I’d be sad. Like if I’m thinking about my own wedding, if one of my friends did that, I’d be like, oh my gosh, why are you dropping out?
I’m so sad. But when I read stories about it, it’s not, it’s more of the like, emotional part of it that’s sad, right? If you like think about them on your day, that’s what’s sad. But if we’re just thinking about people. If one person can’t make it, all of a sudden the wedding’s still gonna go fine. Um, it’s still gonna flow, like you’re gonna get everything you need.
Um, so it’s more of the emotional aspect of it. So that would be really sad to deal with, especially if it’s a close friend. But, um, if it was for a right reason, I would go with that. Dunno what that means, add herself back in last minute. Just like show like she drops out. Then is like, surprise. I’m actually still here. Then that’s it. Sounds more like an issue.
All right. “Would you rather your maid of honor forget the rings or forget the speech?” Oh, I think I would say forget the rings, because while the rings are more meaningful, I think in the whole thing, you can forget something like. The day of, right. Um, and it would hopefully just be for the ceremony so someone could like, maybe bring them, but if, if someone’s forgetting a speech, that means they completely forgot the whole time to even write one or do one or spend any time on it. And that shows me that more so that they just don’t care. Yeah.
Okay. “Would you rather spend extra on the venue or extra on the photographer?” Um, photographer. Okay. Um, you, you cannot beat a good photographer. Um, obviously, like all in all, I think our venue costs a little more, but like we had, I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before, but we got married in an old mattress factory and it was just completely like, um, rustic is the wrong word. It was not rustic. I can’t even think of what it’s called, but it was just such a cool vibe.
And I didn’t need like a really fancy venue. I was, that was not like number one on my list. I just want good photos. And if you could have good, a good photographer, you can get good photos like almost anywhere. And that’s what I wanted. I just wanted a good vibe. Good photos. Yeah.
“Would you rather cut your guest list by 20 people or cut your decor budget in half?” Decor budget in half. I’m all about the people. I did have like, I don’t know, I guess you’d call it medium sized wedding. I think I had 140 people, which years ago. I was like, oh, I’ll have like 250 people. And then the older you get just more people like dwindle away. Right. But when it came time for planning the wedding, if that were, if that’s what I was assigned between, I would cut decor budget, because at the end of the day, if you’re in a cool place.
You don’t need a ton. We, the place we got married, like down the street, had a lot of stuff you could rent, so we rented some stuff from there. They also had candles that we could rent from them. And then I made a lot of stuff, so I didn’t really spend a lot on, on decor anyways. I even re, I even used my friend made handmade bouquets with fake flowers and she let us use all those. So I spent like nothing on decor.
“Would you rather splurge on the honeymoon or splurge on the dress?” Honeymoon all the way. I talked about this before too. My dress was under $1,500. I think it was, I think, wanna say it was like 1200. I didn’t even look at the price tag. So I went because it was like a direct kind of bridal shop.
And plus, because my venue was connected to it, um, I got like an extra 20% off discount or something. Um. And don’t get me wrong, I love the dress, but I was not a bride that went to like five bridal shops to find the dress. I went to one bridal shop. I tried on five or six dresses, and I knew that first day. I was like, this is my favorite. Let’s go with it. I don’t need to try on a million things. I just kind of was like this, this is good. This is good. Um, yeah. For me, I would rather splurge on a honeymoon. My honeymoon was definitely more than the dress.
“Would you rather DIY all decor or have zero decor at all?”
I personally would rather DIY. Like I said, I did a lot of my own wedding. All the signs, um, all the, my friend did the, the bouquets, all the decor. I kind of thought of myself and I’ve been a part of a lot of DIY weddings. You need a little something. I’ve seen them go overboard, so it’s not necessarily go to go crazy, but, um, yeah, I would do DIY.
All right, last one. “Would you rather a surprise, honeymoon plan by your partner or plan every detail yourself?” You guys know me? I’m a planner. I am okay with surprises, but it makes me feel itchy, like I need to like. I need to get in there. I need know what’s going, need to know what’s going on. Um, so I would rather plan all the details myself.
Luckily for us though, like we planned it together, I used sandals. Um, again, this is not sponsored, this is just, they were the most budget friendly. We were gonna, we were looked at Hawaii and it was so expensive. Sandals at least like we were able to like. Pick the location. We looked at all the different ones to see like what was most affordable.
And it was nice. It was all inclusive, so with the price you paid include all the food. All the drinks, and I think we even were able to include flights in all that. So that was really nice to be able to do that. And then, um, we could plan stuff when we got there. So we didn’t have like a strict itinerary, but when we got there, we could pick extra excursions and I would do it a hundred times over.
The Seven-Day Wedding Disaster
It was so much fun. Okay, now to the real, real story here. This week’s story submission, “I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that came together in just one week. The couple had originally had planned a private ceremony, and when some people found out, they created so much drama that the couple felt pressured to plan a full wedding in seven days.”
No, that is like ultimate like people pleaser, like, okay, we’ll just do it in seven days. Like I was a part of a DIY wedding where they, they had a three month engagement and I thought that was like really hard to do. Like it was fast and seven days. I’m like, what did you do in those seven days? ’cause that’s a lot.
“They also had to change venues because one church refused to host due to the drama. So we had an all intensity of a year long engagement squeezed into a single week. And because of the chaos, the wedding party changed several times before the big day.” How long is this week? This seems like an impossibly long week.
“The maid of honor, let’s call her, Emily, had been the bride’s best friend since fifth grade. But she had always been jealous of the bride’s relationship for years. She tried to sabotage them, creating tension, trying to break them up, and constantly forcing the bride to choose, choose between her and the groom.”
So why are we making her the maid of honor? When I see like Frida, all these friendships, I’m like, why? Why? Unless like from this bridesmaid perspective, she could always see it and then the bride was just kind of blind to it, which, which happens of course.
Okay. “On the wedding day, Emily confronted the bridesmaids, including me, and called us all fake friends while we were trying to get hair and makeup done.” What? Okay, so this is the maid of honor. “She was furious because she learned that I confided some of her private struggles, including her addiction issues and another crush she had to the bride.”
Whoa. “I only did this because I cared about her and believed she needed help. I had suffered a stroke the month before and couldn’t do much myself, so I turned to the bride hoping we could figure out how to support her.”
Okay, so here’s where I’m gonna disagree. I mean, of course, I don’t know how severe or what’s going on with this person’s addiction. I’m not a therapist or an addictions counselor. So this is just my own perspective as I’m learning this story right now. Little, um, disclaimer, but my number, one of the number one things I say is do not, I don’t wanna say bother, but do not get the bride involved in drama right before her wedding and not saying like someone’s issue, someone’s addiction issues is drama necessarily. But if that person confided in you and is telling you something, the best time to tell the bride is probably not right before her wedding es even, like especially knowing that it’s already like there’s already drama happening around this wedding. There’s already like a lot of stress. It’s happening in a week. Again, how long is this week? There’s a lot happening right? I would be waiting until after the wedding and be like, ‘Hey, by the way, blank came to me, or I guess we know her name’s Emily, or her changed name is Emily came to me and said, this is what’s going on. I’m very concerned of, uh, very concerned. The timing seems a little like sketchy to me, and I, I don’t wanna come on this, like, I don’t know. I don’t wanna be. Put down this person that sent in the story. But the timing seems a little weird, especially if, you know, things are already kind of like iffy. This could set someone off like this.
“The other bridesmaid knew none of this, and I wasn’t about to share Emily’s personal business in front of everyone we genuinely cared for.” And I, I do believe you cared for her. I do believe this person cared for her, but however, but it’s just the timing thing. Like we need to make sure, like the bride’s not brought into like crazy drama, right?
Right before right. “Emily then took off with two bridesmaids and disappeared for hours. They did the bare minimum for the wedding and then left to eat out, never bringing back anything for the bride who hadn’t eaten and was stuck doing tests emily should have been doing. Whatever Emily told the other bridesmaids must have been bad because one of them, someone I had been close to, barely speaks to me to this day.
The other bridesmaid who left with her, stayed friends with us afterward, though, she told us that she caught Emily shoplifting items for the wedding and not small items, expensive ones. I later learned that the $2,000 veil Emily gave the bride was stolen.” That’s wild. Okay. “Even though Emily had access to plenty of money, a wealthy friend had loaned her cash for the wedding. She still shoplifted.” Well, I mean, if she’s going through a serious addiction, we don’t know. I mean.
I don’t know the whole story, so I don’t wanna judge this person. Again, I don’t have background in this, so this seems like a very serious matter. Um, I’m also like, why is this maid of honor? Why is it put on the maid of honor to buy all these things for the wedding? Um, why should it matter that a friend loaned her cash for the wedding if I was in a wedding? And I was told, okay, it’s in a week. You have to pay for all these things. Like, and if I couldn’t afford it, I would step down. Um, the fact that like a friend had to loan her all this money, that’s a, a little odd. Like going back to being at a seven day planning of this wedding, I would be like, okay, we’re gonna keep it really simple.
We’re not spending money on like pointless things. Not saying veil’s pointless, but like it sounds like they’re spending a lot of like money on stuff and like putting all these things together. Like keep it stupid simple. If you’re having a one week planning time.
“Emily heavily controlled what she thought everyone should wear throwing fits anytime She didn’t get her way and celebrating when she did, I found a $65 dress that was more appropriate for the church ceremony compared to the $200 one she demanded I wear.”
Why is the maid of Honor? Okay. Am I confused? No. The maid of honor is Emily. Why is the maid of honor controlling what dresses they wear? And also, again, they’re getting married in seven days. Why are we spending all this time finding this super expensive dress? Let’s just find one. Let’s just find one. All the girls can wear and be done with it. But again, this should be the bride controlling this.
“She was furious when I asked to return it. She pressured the bride into choosing a dress she never actually wanted.” Okay. At some point we have to take responsibilities for ourselves though, like, like how? How is this made of honor pressuring the bridesmaid, the bride, and the bridesmaids?
“She says not the bride, not the groom. The bride still says she wished she could redo her entire wedding because of how much Emily influenced and manipulated everything.” We need to get rid of this person. “The bride was an hour and a half late to her own wedding because she had to hammer tent stakes and do heavy setup work. Test the maid of honor, should have helped.” With this is again where, and I talked about this on my episode with Bethy. This is when like there’s an overlap of like paid work help in your wedding party. We cannot assume that just because someone’s in your wedding party that they are going to do all the work for setup.
You are then hiring your friends for unpaid labor. And some people like myself, I love doing that stuff. I love being involved. Like if I’m in your wedding, expect me to help you with something, I, I will do that. But it should not be an expectation. The expectation of a bridesmaid is that they get the dress that you want, they stand up by your side, and they’re there at the wedding day.
Like honest to God. That should be the minimum, like that should be their expectation. The fact that you’re expecting your maid of honor to get your tent set up. You have to hammer in tent stakes and do the heavy setup? No, like can we get someone else? Do that. Where are the groomsmen? Let’s get the groomsmen in there.
“I tried to help after my stroke. I was extremely slow and weak. Emily also insisted the groom choose a best man she wasn’t close to because she had a crush on him and wanted to walk down the aisle with him. Shockingly, both men agreed.” Okay. How, how does this woman have such an impact on all these people to change their whole wedding? Who’s the best man? Who’s walking down with who, what dresses we’re wearing? Like at some point we need to say like, no. Or if you say like, yeah, fine, we’ll do it. Don’t know. I don’t know guys like I. We gotta take a little responsibility on both sides.
“Before the reception, Emily disappeared entirely. The bride and I panicked knowing her history of destructive behavior. Eventually we found Emily had gone to another gathering to see the guy she was crushing on.” I thought the guy she crushed on was a groomsman.
“She confronted him about his feelings and he wasn’t interested. To make things worse, the guy I had a crush on and usher also ended up at that gathering.” Where’s this other gathering? I thought they were all at a wedding together. “Emily spent time with him too, and this wasn’t the first time she had gone behind my back to flirt with him or hang out with him. She didn’t actually want him. She just liked the drama.” I don’t know. I think, I think you guys all liked the drama. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but why lie? She told you like this in confidence and then you went and told the bride, I’m just confused by this little event.
“Before the wedding, Emily had lice and I caught it from her.” This is the longest week I’ve ever heard of. Why are all these things happening this week? “I managed to treat it before the wedding and showed up lice free only to discover afterward that I had caught it again. Emily hadn’t treated at all.” Guys, this is a mess. This is like why so is Emily girl had lice. They’re just like going around. Are you friends with Emily? Because I feel like the way you’re talking about her, she’s not your friend. Is she friends with the bride more? How’d you guys get lice if you’re not friends? Did this happen in the prior week to the wedding? I.
“Despite all this, the wedding day still turned out beautiful. It’s amazing what can be accomplished in a week with determination and love The bride and I became best friends afterward. She told me many times she wished she’d chosen me as her maid of honor instead. As for Emily, I hope one day she gets the help she clearly needs.”
Okay. I mean, I know I shared a lot of my thoughts, but I feel like this is. There’s a lot of things here. One is a communication error, like why is this Emily girl, the maid of honor, when she’s done all these horrible things apparently, and it seems like there’s a lot of bad talk about her behind her back. So there’s that one, two, I’m confused, like, okay, when you decide to have a quick engagement, you can’t just assume all these people are gonna do things for your day, right?
Like. Yes, if you have a crafty family, if you have people there, there that can help. But why is it again, the maid of honors duty to set up tents for you? That’s not her job. Get a bunch of the guys, get some extra, you know, hire some people to help set up. Um, but I don’t think she’s completely wrong for that.
Again, we are talking. You decided, not you, the bride decided. That they were gonna throw together a wedding in one week. Why should everyone stop everything they’re doing? They probably all have jobs. They probably all have families. Why should they have to stop everything they’re doing to put together your wedding?
That’s where I just don’t agree with it. Like, I’m like a very like do it yourself kind of person. Um. I could never imagine being like, okay, in one week from now I’m gonna do this thing and have all, all my friends are gonna help me. Um, this is my wedding day. You know, like it just seems very, like, that seems a little bridezilla to expect all your friends to just set up a wedding for you.
Um, the little drama here about like telling. The bride about her crush and her addiction again, did it need to happen before the wedding? I don’t think so. I think we need to keep the bride out of the wedding drama as much as possible if we’re really trying to stay focused on like making this day as beautiful as possible.
- Keep the bride outta the drama. Let’s get all hands together. Why am I not hearing about family members, the groom, groomsmen, anyone else helping? It seems like it. Emily is just to blame this Emily girl. She didn’t do this. She was supposed to do this. She didn’t do like, let’s slow down. We always knew.
She was jealous of the relationship, or that’s what we, that’s what she says. She was jealous of the relationship. Tried to sabotage them, create tension. Try get them to try to get them to break up. Forcing the bride to choose between him and her. So there’s already issues there. So now we’re gonna push her in and be like, Hey, you need to put together this wedding, not her problem.
This might be a hot take, but it’s not her problem. This should be the bride and groom putting everything together, and then if people offer to help and wanna come in, they can help. It is not the maid of honor, best man, groomsmen or, or bridesmaid’s responsibility to make this happen. If they want to, they can.
If they wanna ask, they can, but it’s, it’s not anyone’s responsibility. We’re talking seven days. God, like I said, I, I’ve been a part of like really quick engagements, really quick DIY weddings, and even then it took multiple weeks to get everything together. So I can only imagine the stress that this put on everyone.
And I feel like this was just kind of calling out like some toxic to toxicity between the friends, right? No one really seems innocent in this. I don’t know. You guys have to let me know what you think. Sometimes I get like, like I have to look at it from all sides, so I’m not trying to call it this person.
I just have to look for it from all sides. And I feel like this is very like putting Emily down. We know she’s got some issues. We know there’s some different things going on, so let’s not have. Put that huge level of responsibility on someone when we know they can’t hold up to it. Or like I said, if you’re like, I need this person as my maid of honor, we’re getting married in seven days.
Keep it stupid simple. We found a place, set up some chairs, have an arch, have someone read your vows, have a party, go to a bar. You can do things really simply. Um. And yeah, that’s, that’s what I think you guys tell me what you guys think about this. ’cause the idea that your wedding party is hired, labor is just, no, it’s just old news to me.
Again, there’s a lot of people out there that really do like doing that stuff, and I think that’s great. I enjoy doing it. But not everyone’s like that. Not everyone has the time. If you’ve got kids, a spouse, a job, a full-time job, like. You have to remember, that’s their priority. Your wedding day is not their priority.
So we need to give a little more grace and understanding for things like that.
Wedding Stress Confessions: DIY Disasters and Lessons Learned
Alright, that’s what we got today. All right, let’s end with some confessions here. I don’t know why I said here like that. All right. “I ended up looking like a zombie on my wedding day due to stress.” Uh, you know what? I think that’s one of those things.
I heard so many people talk about wedding stress before I got married and while I was, yeah, I was a little stressed here and there. I knew of people that like couldn’t eat towards the end that had lost so much weight because they were just like so stressed about getting things checked off. Um, that would be in tears multiple times because of different things and, and it’s hard.
There’s a lot of pressure. There’s a lot of external pressures, family pressures. Um, people that got married during COVID right, or were engaged during COVID, I heard of venues getting canceled. I heard of family members not being able to come in. Um, just different things like that, like stressors that you can’t plan for.
So it’s really important to just understand, and I’m not trying to belittle wedding days or anything ’cause they’re amazing. But remember, it’s just a day. As long as you have your close friends and family there, it’s gonna be beautiful. You gotta remember that it’s not gonna be a hundred percent perfect.
Um, and stress. Stress is like, stress can kill you, right? We all let stress get to us from depending on different things. We all stress about different things. Um. I’ve heard of brides being so stressed that their wedding day comes and they can’t even enjoy it. ’cause their body is just like so tense still from all the stress buildup.
Like I said, they, they don’t eat. They don’t sleep, and it’s just like their day’s there and then it’s over and they get like a wedding hangover, not like an alcohol hangover, a wedding hangover where they’re sad because the day came and went and they didn’t actually fully enjoy it. Or they had all these months of stress and planning and then it was just gone. Right. So it’s sad when that happens.
Um, okay. “Made my own centerpieces. Half of them fell apart when the guest touched ’em.” That’s hard with DIY stuff. It happens, but at the end of the day, as long as you get a couple photos of them, you just have to, it’s one of those things you have to let go.
“I let my sister be the dj. Our first dance had a short ad in the middle of the song.” What? Okay, I wanna know what platform puts ads in the middle of a song. Um, and that’s just. It’s the price you pay. I mean you, if it’s probably free. So that’s, that’s the gamble you take. You, you have someone that’s not a licensed business. Be a vendor you, you give and take. Right? I’m sure everyone was able to laugh it off.
All right. “Tried to sew my own veil and it ended up looking like a mosquito netting.” Yeah, know your talents. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses. Know where it’s better to pay someone to do it or ask for help. Alright, last one. “I DIYed my bouquet. It wilted before the ceremony even started.” I, yeah, again, it’s like you gotta know what, there’s certain things that you have to know, like.
What’s gonna work and what won’t. There’s certain things you gotta be willing to negotiate on. Like where, where are your strengths and where are we gonna be? Like, I’m gonna hire for that. Like I said, never thought I would have fake flowers, but my friends fake flowers at her wedding looked beautiful and she got married six months before me and she’s like, do you want these? And I was like, $4,000 or flowers from her. I’ll take those. So I did that.
Okay. That’s all I’ve got for this week. Thanks for joining me on. Here comes the drama. Um, lots of exciting things coming this year. So many exciting episodes coming up and things with the book. Um. I know I’m, I sound like a broken record, but here comes a drama affairs and Sloan story has been out since June and there’s been so many great reviews.
So if you guys had a chance to read the book. It would really help me out to, if you share it on social media, leave a review, share it with a friend, um, ask your library to order it, whatever that looks like for you. It just helps more people get their hands on the book. It’s just been so much fun to read and I still can’t believe.
I wrote a book, it’s Wild. Um, and I wrote book number two, um, more details on that. That’s been a lot of fun to write. Um, I will keep you guys posted on when that will become available. Manifesting some big things for this year and I hope you guys are as well. Again, don’t forget to enter the 2026. Episode 50 giveaway that I announced last week.
Um, just share something in your story on social media about the podcast. Gimme a screenshot of the podcast. It can be a screenshot of you listening. Tag me at @@heychristainnis, and we’ll select four winners, four $50 Amazon gift card. All right guys, that’s all I’ve got. Thanks for hanging out with me and I’ll see you next time.
Bye now.
The Mother of All Wedding Meltdowns: Stolen Funds, Sequin Gowns, & Shopping Disasters
Ever had your dream wedding hijacked by family drama?
In this episode, I’m re-sharing an episode previously released for Patreon only, where we dive into wild mothers of the bride and the chaos they can create. From stolen wedding funds and sequin gowns to rehearsal dinner meltdowns, I walk you through four jaw-dropping stories straight from the Vault. These are the moments that make you laugh, gasp, and maybe rethink your own wedding planning.
I also break down real-life etiquette fails, awkward tension, and lessons on setting boundaries—all while keeping the champagne flowing. Trust me, these moms are full of surprises.
Plus, I’m celebrating episode 50 with a giveaway: four $50 Amazon gift cards! Just share a screenshot or post about the podcast and tag me @HeyChristaInnis.
Grab a drink, tune in, and get ready for chaos, laughs, and jaw-dropping wedding drama!
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:33 Hot Takes on Mothers of the Bride
04:08 Famous Mothers of the Bride in Pop Culture
08:18 Real-Life Mother of the Bride Stories
14:58 The Over-the-Top Wedding Attire
15:19 Family Drama Unfolds at the Reception
17:47 Awkward Vibes and Wedding Tensions
18:33 Personal Wedding Experiences and Reflections
19:40 The Rehearsal Dinner Dilemma
23:04 Mother-Daughter Conflict Over Wedding Plans
27:51 A Wedding Weekend Overshadowed by Drama
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Stolen Wedding Funds – A mother takes thousands from the wedding fund, forcing the bride to DIY the night before.
- Hard Liquor Threats – The groom’s mom and uncle threaten to skip the wedding over drink options, showing how minor disagreements escalate fast.
- Bridesmaid & Groom Chaos – Drunk family members disrupt the reception, creating tension and awkwardness for everyone.
- Sequin Overload – The mother-of-the-bride shows up in a floor-length sequin gown for a rustic barn wedding.
- Rehearsal Dinner Meltdown – Miscommunication over invitations and payments spirals into public confrontations and tears.
- Family Whisper Wars – Moms and aunts whisper, judge, and hold grudges, overshadowing the bride’s excitement.
- Emotional Support Saves the Day – The mother-in-law steps in to comfort the bride during a meltdown.
- Episode 50 Giveaway – Celebrate with me! Four $50 Amazon gift cards up for grabs—just share a screenshot or post about the podcast and tag me @HeyChristaInnis.
- Half-Apologies & Lessons Learned – Despite chaos, boundaries and communication slowly restore some peace before the wedding.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you are paying for the wedding, it doesn’t mean you get to control everything—mutual respect goes a long way.” – Christa Innis
- “Wearing white as the mother of the bride? Passive-aggressive flex. Just don’t.” – Christa Innis
- “Let the bride and groom enjoy their day—don’t spill the drama before it even starts.” – Christa Innis
- “Family whispers, unspoken grudges, and judgmental glares—this is why weddings need champagne.” – Christa Innis
- “At the end of the day, it’s your choice. No right or wrong, just boundaries and keeping the peace.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
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- Get Christa’s Book, Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi guys. Happy New Year and welcome to episode 50 of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. Now, because it’s episode 50, I want to do a little giveaway. I thought it’d be a fun way to start the episode in a new year, so I’m gonna be giving away a. Four $50 Amazon gift cards. All you have to do is share a screenshot of you listening to the podcast, a photo of you listening to the podcast, and tag me mentioning the podcast in some way.
Share your review, anything to do with the podcast, share on social media. And then tag me at Hey Christa Innis, and I’ll be selecting four different winners to win $50 Amazon gift cards. I’ll announce the winners on February 12th. And that’s it. That’s all you have to do. Very simple. Literally just do a screenshot, share a photo, talking about you listening to the podcast.
Anything to help share it in one way or another will be really great. Um. Anything to share it on social media would be really awesome. And then we’ll just randomly select some winners. Just wanna give back to you guys. It’s just wild to think that we are almost at one full year of doing the podcast. And I know I can’t say it enough, but I’m just so grateful to everyone that’s listened, that’s shared, downloaded, left a review, whatever that looks like.
It just means the world to me. Um. And I’ve talked about it before, but when I set out to do this podcast, you know, gosh, it was November of 2023, right? Oh my gosh. I, I lose track of time so quickly. Um, November of 2024. What year are we in? We’re in 2025 right now when I’m recording. Yeah. Anyway, uh, when I set out to record it, I was like, you know what?
I think 20, I think we could do 25,000 downloads in a year, and now we’re at, you know, 225,000 something downloads, which is just wild to think. Um, I love being able to. Talk with you guys like on more topics, because I feel like the thing with social media is like, yes, I can show different sides of myself, but like obviously I’ve become known as like the skit girl.
I dunno if that makes sense. But like people know me as sharing these stories. They love the skits and there’s so much fun to do. But this gives me like a deeper side. Like I can have full conversations with people that come on, they can share their profession or what they’re interested in. And, um, we can just elaborate and talk a little bit more.
Um, so it’s fun to like be able to share that side. It’s also very scary. So that was the thing with doing this podcast is that I wasn’t sure how people would react to it if they would like it, because they’re used to me seeing skits or acting out skits. Um, but the thing is I was getting so many stories and this allows me to kind of.
Expand on thoughts or react to things and allow you guys to listen in another way too. Um, ’cause we can’t always, you know, watch skits all the time. I think it’s good to be driving and listen to a podcast or, um, working out, whatever that looks like for you. So I’m just so grateful for you guys listening to this episode and beyond and sharing.
Um. It’s kinda wild just thinking about it and what’s, what’s good to come. Um, I feel like 2026 is gonna be a really good year. Um, I’m not like a new Year’s resolutions person per se. Like I believe in setting goals and manifesting and having visions and creating vision boards, but I don’t think it has to be like.
New Year’s Day. I feel like a lot of people are like so caught up on New Year’s Day and like starting fresh and if that works for you, I feel like lean into that 100%. Um, but I, I really do, like I said, believe in manifesting and. That’s one of the things I did with this podcast. I was always like, this is what I want it to look like.
These are the goals. And of course, we’ve pivoted and changed along the way, but I’ll be creating a vision board for this year for sure if I haven’t already by the time you guys are listening. Um, and I encourage you guys to do the same, like no matter how big or how small, just keep dreaming, keep thinking of things you wanna do in your life.
Uh, personal goals you have, um, career goals, um, things you wanna do with your family, whatever that looks like. It’s so good to like write things down and just have a loose plan or just something you can look at and be like, yes, this is me, this is what I want. Um, so I really encourage that. Um, another thing that’s coming this year is obviously I’ve talked about finishing up book number two.
Um, I’m sharing a lot more of the writing process. Um, I’m trying to, anyway, with the second book and, you know. While I finished writing the story, there’s still all these like moving parts, right? There’s the editing part of it, proofreading, um, having my literary agent look at it. So, um, hopefully we’ll have some more dates soon and I can give you guys some more details on that.
Now that we’re on the subject of Ferris and Sloan, in case you miss. I started a little prequel of their story. This has been so fun for me to create. Um, people kept asking about season four, and I still have no intentions of doing season four. I’ve talked about this. I think it’s the most popular question I keep answering is because like.
It would just get really complicated if I were to keep doing season four with the books, because the books have kind of changed. So the prequel allows me to have that same creative, um, feel that I did in the first season of Ferris and Sloan because, um, I can just kind of do with it what I want. And it’s been really fun so far.
So if you haven’t checked that out yet, please go check it out. Like I said, it’s been so much fun to create and come back to these characters. Um, now for today’s episode, since I’ve been kind of taking a little time off around work. Around the holidays, and I kind of say that very loosely because, you know, I take a little time off, but I’m also still doing a lot of planning and stuff.
But, um, just like last week, I’m going to share a prerecorded episode, but this was previously shared also my Patreon. So if you weren’t Patreon or your Patreon and you listened to it a long time ago. It’s a good one. It’s a really good one you’re gonna really enjoy. This was called the Mother of all Wedding Meltdowns.
So in this episode, I read not one, not two, not three, but four different mother of the bride stories from the vault, and they’re kind of all over the place and they, they start a little bit shorter and then it gets to a, a couple long ones at the end there. So this one is pretty wild. Um, I hope you guys enjoy it and.
I’ve heard you guys loud and clear. You guys want more drama, more stories and get rid of all the extra stuff. One thing I will never get rid of though, is just my random banter because it’s just fun just to add some little commentary, however this episode, we’re gonna do things a little bit different. we’re gonna switch up the structure a little bit because it’s still kind of figuring out Patreon and what you guys want to hear, right? So we have not one, not two, not three, but four different stories from the vault. All about mothers of the bride.
I told you guys, each month we’re gonna focus on different, either people involved or different topics involved in weddings. We did bridesmaids, we did groomsmen. Not saying they won’t come back, but this month is all about mothers of the bride. And believe me, we get lots of stories, about the moms because they do really have such a vital role when it comes to weddings and I think it’s really important that, we all understand our role and we understand like how we can be helpful and not overstep.
I always say this time and time again, I’m so lucky that my mom and mother-in-law were both so helpful and respectful. Like on the wedding day, not like taking anything away from me. They knew how important it was to me to be able to plan, but also I kept them very involved as much as they wanted to be. But we have a lot of stories. about mothers of the bride that did not really understand their role. People get pushed to the wayside. People get told how they’re gonna do things and it causes some chaos. So, like I said, we’re gonna do things a little bit different. We’re gonna just keep it fun today.
I mean, not saying it’s not usually fun, but we’re just gonna jump right into the drama. Let’s start with some hot takes. Okay. Here are some hot takes around mothers of the bride. First one says:
Mother Of The Bride Myths, Power Plays & Pop Culture Chaos
If she’s paying, she’s planning. Okay, so this is interesting. I shouldn’t say I have mixed feelings about this because I’m pretty consistent with my feelings on this.
If you are paying for the wedding because you want to help as a gift you can help with as much as the bride and groom still want you to help with. It does not mean because you’re paying, you can take control. Now I think it’s all about mutual respect. If there’s a good relationship between the bride, the groom, and the parents.
Then I think absolutely let’s help each other out. You wanna take on this? I’ll take on this. Absolutely. Like, let’s do it. However, if it’s already kind of a rocky relationship and you’re doing it to hang something over their head, then yeah, let’s not do that. Because if you’re paying just so you can control things, then that altogether is not a great thing, but we hear about it all the time that, oh, well, she paid for it so she can change it, or she can do it this way. And I just don’t agree with that. But that’s a constant thing that we always see. Right.
Okay. Number two, wearing white is a passive aggressive flex. Yeah. I mean, again, it depends on the wedding. There are some weddings where they’re like, I don’t care. We’re white. It’s a garden wedding. Wear neutrals or whatever. however, unless specifically stated on the invitation or told to you by the brighter groom themselves, don’t wear white. I’ve heard a lot of stories where a mother of bride has walked in wearing white, and you can tell it’s just too upstage. So just putting that out there.
Number three, she should walk in before the bridesmaids. Yes. I don’t know if I’ve been to a wedding where she walks in after the bridesmaids. That’s just kind of like how it typically goes. The first few people might change a little bit, but you typically have the groom. In a heterosexual wedding, you typically have the groom walkout first, whether it’s with his parents or by himself. Then you have his parents and then you have, depending if you want people to walk on the aisle, sometimes parents just walk out as part of the guest. but like in ours, we had my husband walk down with both of his parents, then my mom walked with my brother, and then, I think we did grandparents.
Then bridesmaids were before me. Bridesmaids and groommen were before me. Flower girl, ring bear, all that stuff. So yes, I think the parents should walk out before the bridesmaids because you want your family set first before like the wedding party starts basically. They wanna be able to see everything.
Okay, here we go. Famous mothers of the bride. Guess that mother of the bride. Here we go. So I’m gonna read a clue, I’m gonna pause so you guys can guess at home who you think it was. Okay. She tried to steal the spotlight by wearing a white dress to her daughter’s wedding then dance with her ex-husband on the beach in Greece. Who is that mother of the bride? That is Meryl Streep and Mama Mia.
Okay. I have not seen that movie in a long time. It’s probably been since I was in college. but it’s a movie, so it’s entertainment. So don’t take any of this. It’s seriously, but there’s already a lot of problematic things with this.
The next one I’m gonna read. This high society mother of bride lied to her daughter about her father’s identity times three. Again, Amanda’s mom and mama Mia. So there’s already some problems, with that. She wasn’t completely honest with her daughter. So did she wear a white dress to upstate her daughter? I don’t know. Maybe she did. Who knows.
Okay. Number three, she secretly planned her daughter’s entire wedding, didn’t tell her, and then expected her to go along with it, including picking the venue and the dress. Who was that mother of the bride? That is, it’s crazy ’cause you read some of these and you’re like, that would never happen.But I just, I just read a story very similar to this that just happened to someone that is Jane Fonda and Monster in-law.
Okay. Number four. She crashed her ex’s new wedding just to stir the pot because no one upstages her in her own family. I’m not familiar with this one. That’s Lucille Bluth vibes. It says, in Arrested Development.
Okay. There’s two more. This real life celebrity mother of the bride wore a sheer beaded gown to her daughter’s Italian wedding and somehow stole the spotlight. The clue is momager. Okay, that’s Kris Jenner at Courtney Kardashian’s wedding. I don’t follow the Kardashians very closely. I used to watch. What was their show like on Hulu? I’ve seen, I would watch that, but I didn’t grow up watching the Kardashians, so I think I missed the whole Courtney Kardashian wedding. Now I know one of the daughters had a wedding where they all wore white. And guys, if you were big Kardashian fans, you’re probably laughing at me ’cause you’re like, what are you talking about? I think they all just upstage each other. I think they’re all just really into fashion and. I don’t know. I think they all just are really into it and looking good, so I don’t, I doubt she did it to upstage her, but I could be wrong.
Okay, last one here. She plays sweet and simple, but she’s the real mastermind behind the scenes. Calmly steering the chaos of a massive Greek family and reminding us that the woman may not be the head, but she’s definitely the neck. That is Maria Porticos in my Big Fat Greek wedding. I love that movie.
So let me tell you a little funny backstory. So I was in fifth grade, I think, when that movie came out. Not to age myself. I think I was in fifth grade, and my best friend and I at the time, we wanted to go to the movies to go see something, right? And it was one of those days, I think it was like either a spring break or summer, and we were just like old enough to go to the movies by ourselves. Like our parents would drop us off so we could go and, my friend Valerie, she was like, well this movie called My Big Fat Greek Wedding is playing. And I was like, I don’t even know what that is. Like, I never heard of it. And I told my mom, my mom was like, oh, I think it’s for adults. I don’t think you’re gonna like it. It might be just, Out of your realm of what you would find funny. And so we’re like, whatever, it’s the only movie available.
And so we went and we were cracking up. We thought it was so funny, the whole Windex thing. I mean, it’s one of those classics and I’ve since gone back and watched it. ’cause now I think they have two or three of ’em and it’s so good. I love the mom. Porta Collos. I just think she’s so wholesome and sweet.
Yes. Is there some of that, control? Of course. That’s more when they’re dating though. But you can tell she just like so cares for her daughter and she really adapts to everything and I think just, it’s such a good movie. So just a little side spiel.
Mother Of The Bride Horror Vault
Okay. I better get into it guys, because we’ve got four stories from the vault.
The first. They get longer and longer as they go. The first couple are pretty short. The last one is The main one. Again, I’ve not read these. We kind of just searched for mother of the bride and we’re gonna see what happens and we’re gonna react in real time here.
Okay? Number one, my mom stole several thousand dollars out of our wedding fund, so the night before I had to cook all the food and make the decor because it was the vendor’s money.
How does that work? Because typically vendors are gonna require deposit down and then still come. So why would then you have to make all the food? it says she bought pills with it. Oh gosh. Tried to sell them to the wedding guests while wearing a cocktail dress that she was falling out of. Oh my gosh.
She also kept all my memorabilia, so we literally had nothing from our wedding. When I asked her why she would do this, she shrugged and said, well, you’re getting married in my yard. Oh my gosh. So this is very like off the rails, but similar to I’m paying for it so I can do what I want.
She’s obviously not paying for it. I mean, I don’t know what parts she was kind of paying for, but providing the yard in her mind, she’s like, well. That means everything that’s on this yard belongs to me, I can control things still several thousands. I’m also wondering like, how did she get access to it? Was this a bank account? So many questions you guys. Oh my gosh. bad. That’s pretty bad.
Okay. Story number two, this happened at my fiance’s best friend’s wedding. First, his mom and uncle were very upset because the groom said there wasn’t going to be any hard liquor served at the reception only wine in a couple different kinds of beer.
Oh my gosh, you guys, if you watch my content, you’ve seen that one that I just, not that long ago. I think it was, Aaron. I think it was like all names from the office. It was like Aaron, Pam, gosh, I don’t even remember who else was in it. Jim. it was so similar. It was the sister like that didn’t wanna come because she was like, why are you not having any hard liquor? That is crazy.
His mom and uncle actually threatened not to come, but then they decided to, they would just have some hard liquor before the wedding and showed up drunk. They also snuck hard liquor into the reception that they kept to themselves, and also one of the groomsmen was the groom’s girl best friend as the groom’s mom was leaving the reception.
Okay. Drunk as a skunk, she pulled the girl best friend aside and told her it should have been you. Oh no, just reading this, I’m realizing like, oh, this is like a girl’s mom, but whatever.
There’s a lot to say here. There’s a lot to say here. I mean, first threatening to not come to the wedding. This is your son’s wedding, right? Yeah. The uncle and the mom are, threatening to not come because there’s no hard liquor. That’s a problem. That is a problem. If you’re gonna refuse to not go celebrate someone as close and important as your son, that’s a problem. Then she decides to get drunk in the parking lot or wherever before the wedding tells the best friend. Oh my gosh. Should have been you. The girl best friend, felt instantly awkward and talked to my fiance, who was the best man. Not sure if she should tell the groom or not. In the end, she decided it was the right thing. She had to tell him. Oh my gosh. See, I think you should avoid telling the bride and groom anything until after the wedding.
Let them live in their wedded bliss. Don’t keep telling about the drama. because there’s so many people that I’ve had stories send to me that there were like, our day was amazing. We had the best time. Later we found out, or someone told me this later, and I just think let’s do that.
Let’s let them keep the peace. And just live in their wedded bliss because I don’t know, it’ll distract them from their day if we’re just telling them like every little drama thing. Anyways, it says the groom got in a big fight with his mom and they ended up not speaking for something like three months.
Oh my gosh. That’s insane. Okay, next one. I’m breaking this one up so I don’t. Mess it up. Story number three. Trying to not lose my voice again, as of the date I’m recording this. I had just lost my voice and I’m starting to get it back again, but I’m realizing like I’m doing even more talking. This week I had three podcasts episodes to film and filming content, so I’m really trying to like. Make sure I’m drinking water, taking breaks and all that good stuff.
Anyways, okay, so my brother married this girl that literally my whole family hates. We all tried to talk him out of it because she and her family are nothing but drama. hard. And I know in her mind, and again, I’m not a part of it, I’m only reading a story here, but in her mind, she’s like helping him by saying that.
But there’s some things you just have to let them figure it out on their own, because if something were to happen, you don’t want him turning his back on his family being like, well, you guys did this, or You guys blamed them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He needs to figure it out on his own, otherwise it’s gonna cause like a bigger rift between him and his family.
But he wanted to marry her. So my mom and aunt literally did everything for the wedding. Full on DIY, decor and favors and helped pay for the venue. I didn’t wanna be in the wedding unless I could stand on my brother’s side with our cousin and older brother. She told my brother I was being a selfish bitch a baby, and if I didn’t stand with her, I couldn’t be in the wedding at all.
Oh my gosh. It is hard. if you already don’t like the bride, then I get not wanting to be in the wedding. But you’ll also at the end of the day have to realize it’s the bride and grooms day. So if they want bridesmaids on their side and grooms went on the other, that’s their thing. I’ve seen more and more sides get mixed up with guys and girls or whatever, but at the end of the day, it’s their choice. I don’t know. That’s hard. That’s hard.
She says, fine. Wedding day comes, and I was helping my mom literally set the whole thing up. We were at the venue all day. her family was getting their hair and makeup done, and they never even asked my mom if she wanted to come with them to get ready.
Her mom, this is the mother of the bride came to the venue, which was a barn since they did a fall country casual theme. She showed up in a full blown sequin floor length gown with fake eyelashes. Hey, I’m not knocking fake eyelashes though, because I had them at my wedding and I got married in a old Mattress factory. That’s a story for another time. I mean, it’s not really a story, it’s a cool, like rustic looking thing Anyways, and we all have fake eyelashes, but you can have ’em done different ways and hey, if that’s what you’re comfortable with, you do, you girl. But a full blown sequin, floor length gown is a little over the top for a barn.
That’s where you kinda wanna know the theme, But as a mother of the bride, you should maybe know it, but I dunno. It says the woman is 60. She said the decor that my mom and aunt made was tacky and looked cheap.
Okay. No, that’s just downright rude When you didn’t help with anything. You cannot come in and tell them that it looks tacky and cheap. Like, come on. There are zero pictures of our parents with her parents during the reception. Her father sat outside the entire night and we honestly never saw him after the father-daughter dance. Her mom had invited her friends they stayed outside all night and her brother brought weed and was smoking it with the flower girls right there.
Oh my gosh. This is a mess. Okay. My dad was freaking out that we were gonna get kicked out of the venue. Meanwhile, the bride didn’t speak to anyone. Changed into a t-shirt and jeans was just on the phone, the entire reception. Why are they getting married? It sounds like they don’t wanna be getting married or like someone’s pressuring them.
But if like his family doesn’t like her, the families aren’t talking, the bride herself seems unhappy. Put on a t-shirt and jeans right after it was on the phone. Like, what’s happening here? The bride’s brother took off his shirt and was drunk running around trying to pick a fight with guests. Oh my gosh.
Oh, this is crazy. The owner of the venue told my dad to get him out of there, or he was going to call the police. Why is it up to the groom’s dad? That’s weird. My dad found the mother of the bride and asked her to remove her son. She told my dad that we were being judgemental her son was just having a good time.
No. Oh, this isn’t good. My cousin, who was a groomsman, ended up having to carry her brother out of the venue get someone to drive him home. The mother of the bride yelled at my cousin for touching her son and making him leave. That was our family being rude and the whole wedding was a disaster because of us.
That just shows you that. Whoever tells the story is gonna tell it from, you know, obviously their perspective. So this mother of the bride’s probably going around saying like, uh, the family that my daughter married into is horrible. They ruined their wedding. They were so judgmental. They took my son out.They grabbed him. all those things. When in reality, well, we weren’t there. So we don’t know what the real story is, but according to this sister of the groom, they were just pretty disruptive and rude and drunk. So that’s what I’m getting from all that. That’s crazy. That’s when like, I really can picture in my mind, like I picture them at this barn.
I picture them the brides in her little t-shirt and just like, don’t talk to me. It’s just awkward vibes. Have you guys ever been to a wedding where there’s just awkward vibes. Like either people just feel like they shouldn’t get married. There’s a lot of chitter chatter. There’s a lot of like tension because I definitely have, and you know, the second you walk in, people are not.
I don’t know. seems a little more tense. You can kind of feel it and like I’ve known to be like a little more like aware of these things. Like if I go somewhere, like I can tell like when there’s tension, some people don’t notice it, but like I’ve been to weddings where I’m just like, what’s the issue here? Or are they not supposed to be getting married? Who got in a fight with who? Like something’s off. I don’t know.
Okay. And this last one, Ooh, I need more water. This one’s like a long one, so I need a voice break after this.
Alright, you guys need to share some more of like your wedding guest stories. I feel like I haven’t been to a wedding in so long. Like I said, I don’t know, I’ve said another podcast, but like my husband and I used to go to weddings all the time. We were in weddings all the time. And then, I don’t know if it was just perfect timing, but after having our daughter, it seemed like less and less people in our friend group were, getting married or they were already married.
We’ve gone to one since my daughter has been born and, she was only three months old at the time. And so, I feel like we’re in that lull where it’s like we probably won’t have a wedding to go to for a while, so it’s nice break, but I also like going to weddings a lot.
So, I’m gonna be a day of coordinator for a wedding this year, actually my birthday weekend. So that’ll be kind of fun. I’m excited. So that’ll probably be the next wedding I’ll go to, but I won’t be a guest. And then I was day of coordinator. Okay, now it’s all coming back to me. I was a day of coordinator last January for a wedding.
That was really fun. But I’m working, I’m running around for those. But any who? Story number four. This one’s gonna be good. All right. She says.
Dress Shopping Disaster & The Rehearsal Dinner Ultimatum
I’m getting married in late April of next year. Back in June, I set up two wedding dress appointments.
My sister who lives across the country, two of my bridal party, my soon-to-be mother-in-law and father-in-law, and my mom and aunt were all planning to come down and be there. For context. My mother had planned an engagement party for us when my sister visited with my niece for the first time last September.
It was more of a shared event so that my sister-in-laws who were also visiting could meet our family. My aunt from both sides were also there. We had to beg my family to take photos of my fiance and me at the event, but we laughed it off. We were still so grateful they planned something for us. I sent everyone handwritten thank you notes. afterwards. When I began wedding planning, my mom started acting oddly. She never really asked if I needed help, but instead consistently brought up things that she didn’t like about other weddings, including my sisters.
This is what we call unhelpful advice. When all you say is things you don’t like and just start complaining about things, that’s not helpful because. That only teaches the bride to be critical of herself and question everything that she does because she’s like, oh, is mom gonna like it? Oh, she seems to like hate a lot of things, right? She sent me suggestions for things she wanted to see at our wedding. When it didn’t fit what we had wanted, I would politely decline, but always thank her for her input.
As we booked our venue in my fiance’s hometown, his mom kindly offered to plan the rehearsal dinner at a small historic inn in town. The Inn only seated 25 people max. We were grateful for her help and loved the venue, but after counting parents, stepparents our wedding party and their plus ones, which is traditional, we were already at capacity.
The only extended family invited was my fiance’s uncle, who is our officiant. A few weeks before everyone came down for dress fitting, I called a video chat with my mom sister to explain that we couldn’t invite any extended families to rehearsal dinner. My sister said it made sense. Traditionally only you invite extended family if there’s room after immediate family.
And the wedding party now, we’ll obviously continue. I have some different feelings about this. I am more someone you picture who you want at your rehearsal dinner first. Then you try to find well within your budget, right? Then you try to find a venue to support that. Because I’ve been to weddings and been a part of weddings where they’re like, well, we want this venue and we can only fit 20 people, so now we’re down to 20.
And then you have to make cuts of important people that you want there. And me, I look at it the other way. I’m like, people first. venue second, budget first, obviously you wanna think of your budget, but I would never personally, like if I have people flying in for the wedding, I would never leave ’em out of the, re rehearsal dinner.
That’s just me. I feel like you should invite everybody that’s flying in or like immediate family flying in or in your wedding party, but I know people have different opinions on that. Okay.
Then, she said her sister had a rehearsal dinner at a brewery that held 60 people, so she was able to include more. I explained to my mom that ours just couldn’t accommodate that and even sent her a wedding etiquette article to help. My mom didn’t have a traditional wedding and never planned one, so I thought it might help her understand.
My stepdad reassured me that she understood and she would explain it to my aunt and that it would be fine. Something tells me it won’t be fine. My mom had mentioned that she wanted to help with the wedding in some way since my mother-in-law had offered to help with my dress. I gave my mom the same opportunity.
I told her my budget and what the deposit would look like, both the minimum and the maximum. And also discussed having lunch with two of my bridal party members, which she offered to pay for. I even sent her the menu and after confirming everything was okay, I made the reservation. Well, somewhere between that call and everyone arriving for dress shopping, my mom and aunt had worked each other up.
They thought I was being rude to my aunt who helped pay for the engagement party, which I did send a thank you for, that I was being selfish asking my mom to pay for things. My sister knew they were upset, but they didn’t tell me until we picked her up for the airport. She did tell her friends and husband that she expected drama but hoped it wouldn’t happen. So they’re all talking about her behind her back saying like, this is nasty or this is bad. There’s gonna be drama, you know? Oh my gosh.
We picked her up at four in that day and had a three hour round trip and no time off work. My fiance and I were exhausted. That same day my mom and aunt arrived at our home. They were apparently upset that I didn’t offer them coffee or food immediately, which my mom would bring up later. But again, my fiance was at work and I was running on fumes. The next day we went dress shopping and had lunch with two of my bridal party members and my mother-in-law.
There was an odd tension the whole time. One of my bridesmaid later told me she noticed my mom and aunt whispering about the rehearsal dinner during lunch. Oh gosh. At the end of the lunch, my mom didn’t offer to pay for the other women as discussed. They kindly paid for themselves without complaint.
She is some very good storyteller. She gives a lot of great details. We moved on to the dress shopping and found a beautiful gown that night we had dinner and dessert with everyone, family in-laws and friends. As I was helping serve coffee and cake for 10 people, my mom started yelling at me front of everyone to get her coffee without ever offering to help.
Oh my gosh. Out of nowhere. I asked her to please be patient. We were going as fast as we could. Why can’t she get it? But this was all happening in front of my friends and my fiance’s parents. It was so embarrassing. My mother-in-law who lives outta state and wasn’t aware of all the drama, took this as a moment to ask me a few rehearsal dinner questions and showed us some pictures she took of the inn. She was being helpful and including my mom and aunt in the conversation. Thankfully, my friends were in the other room because my mom started dramatically making faces and sat beside my aunt who responded. With only one word answers. The mood was awful.
So they’re feeling some type of way and just being like cold and standoffish without actually like communicating, even though she’s trying to communicate to them, that just makes things like so much worse.
The next morning at 7:00 AM I got a text from my mom saying she wanted to speak privately. We had a group breakfast planned with both sides of the family, and she showed up early to catch me. In front of the others, she told me that my aunt’s feelings were hurt, that she wasn’t invited, and that I should quote unquote, do the right thing by either adding her or disinviting my little friends. She put that in quotes too. That is insane. For the record, my wedding party and I are all in our thirties. She said I was being disrespectful and ungrateful. She claimed my mother-in-law clearly expected my aunt to be invited. She didn’t and brought up again how my aunt helped pay for the engagement party.
I get the hurt feelings and I get it’s uncomfortable and I get, she probably expected to be there. I don’t know how close she’s with her aunt, but dictating that you need to be there. Or saying like, I need to be invited. Do the right thing. That’s not a right or wrong thing. Like I said, we all have our opinions on how we personally would do it, but like I said, I’ve been to weddings where rehearsal dinner is very small and that’s it.
But every family’s also different, different, I personally, if I had an aunt flying in, I would have them be at the rehearsal dinner. I do that for my own wedding. So, I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it’s the right thing and, to uninvite little friends because obviously she wanted them there and they were part of the wedding party. Oh my gosh.
She said I made her pay for my dress and the lunch that the restaurant was too expensive that I should serve people better when they come to my house. I was so hurt and overwhelmed. I walked out to the deck in tears. My fiance followed me and told me what she had said, or, and I told him what she had said.
He was stunned. He couldn’t believe how cruel and irrational she was being. My mom and aunt left after that with my sister. I stayed behind with my in-laws and my mother-in-law helped me while I sobbed. It was the first time I had ever cried in front of them, and I was beyond embarrassed about my family’s behavior.
To wrap it up, we went to one last dinner before my mom and aunt left town. My fiance paid for that too. My mom and I didn’t speak for a week until I called her and confronted everything. I gave her most of the money back for the dress and the lunch. She said there was fault on both sides that I hadn’t communicated well enough and told me I was in your corner until I read the article you sent. It said, anyone who pays for the engagement party should be invited over other guests.
Oh my gosh. So even if the article did say that why is it the one thing she’s pulling? She’s literally saying, this is etiquette. Like this is all who I want to invite to the party. She held onto that. I’m glad they’re having like communication now, but it sounds like the mom just didn’t really wanna hear her, and I feel like once the aunt came in and realized she wasn’t invited, that’s when she’s like, no, no, no.
I need to be invited. This is not done. This was not right. She said, I reread the article a dozen times. It never said that I couldn’t find any etiquette source that did. The mom is literally trying to. I don’t know what the right word is. Coax her into thinking that that’s what it said, because that’s so specific too.
Anyone who pays for the engagement party should be invited over other guests. Like what? I doubt that’s a thing because that’s such a specific thing. that’s, I don’t believe it. she said, so am I crazy or did I make a terrible mistake while planning my first wedding? I mean, at the end of the day, it’s your choice what you wanna do.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in it. Like I said, every bride’s gonna do it differently. It depends on your relationship with the person, the budget, location. you specifically only want that one location that has room for 25 and you’re like, this is what we’re doing, we added everyone up, that’s it.
Then that’s your choice. So you can’t really do anything right or wrong. again, if it were my wedding, I would do it a little bit differently. I would include the aunt, but I don’t know how big her family is. Maybe if you include that aunt. You also then have to include her husband and her kids and, their other cousins.
And their other aunts. I don’t know if it’s just one aunt. I’d be like, just include the aunt. The best I got from her was a half apology. She later told my sister she wouldn’t be planning anything else for me like the bridal shower. Luckily, some of my friends are stepping in, so I don’t miss out on the experience.
But honestly, that weekend, which was supposed to be joyful and focus on the wedding, was completely overshadowed. Oh my gosh. So that was, crazy. I feel like it was one of those where there’s a miscommunication, and people see how it should be their own way, they’re afraid to like.
speak up, but instead of just communicating, they’re gonna hold a grudge. So I think the aunt got her all upset about it And then they just, completely took it from her. Oh gosh.
All right guys. Well, that was a crazy episode. Thanks for hanging out with me but if you guys love this episode, do me a huge favor and tell a friend about it. Share it. because, you word of mouth is just the best way to get it out, and it’s just a fun new little segment we’re doing here.
I’d love to hear from you if you guys, have an idea for an upcoming episode, a new theme, something you’ve seen in, the media. Let’s talk about it. thanks so much for hanging out with me.
Until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. Bye guys.
Mustard Dresses, Missing Bridesmaids, and Vegas Meltdowns
Would you still call her a bridesmaid if she skipped your wedding… to buy a car?
I’m diving into one of the wildest submissions yet, the friend who threw a fit over a free mustard dress, ghosted the bridal prep, and flat-out didn’t show on the wedding day because her parents were offended. Yes. It gets worse.
I also react to a viral Bridezilla story packed with outrageous demands, from $2,000 bridesmaid costs to rewriting heartfelt toasts. Plus, I roast some spicy wedding takes that had me saying, make it make sense!
Note: This is a re-share of a previously Patreon-only episode — now unleashed for everyone who loves a little bridal chaos.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:50 Bridesmaid Boot Camp: Wedding Trivia
04:45 Bridesmaid Confessionals: Real Stories
10:48 Wedding 911: Listener Dilemmas
15:52 Bridezilla Court: Reddit Stories
16:09 Bridesmaid Drama Unfolds
17:02 Bachelorette Party Demands
18:35 Wedding Budget Woes
19:45 Bridesmaid Appearance Control
20:31 Bridesmaid Costs and Expectations
23:04 Savage Wedding Takes
26:31 Crazy Wedding Confession
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Mustard Dress Meltdown – A bridesmaid spirals over a gifted dress and turns the friendship icy.
- The No-Show That Shocked Me – She skipped my wedding for a brand-new car purchase. Priorities?
- Bridezilla Reddit Deep Dive – From insane budgets to forced Vegas trips, this bride broke every rule.
- Savage Wedding Takes – Family pressure, glam expectations, and MOH salary debates get roasted.
- Patreon Confessions Unlocked – Behind-the-scenes chaos now shared with the full drama squad.
- Boundaries vs Bonding – When being “too nice” costs you peace — and a dress.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re mad about a free dress, maybe the dress isn’t the problem.” – Christa Innis
- “The second someone tells me to dye my hair for a wedding? I’m out.” – Christa Innis
- “This isn’t a royal coronation, it’s a ceremony… relax.” – Christa Innis
- “Some people don’t want to be in your wedding — they want a front row seat to complain.” – Christa Innis
- “At that point? That’s not a bridesmaid. That’s emotional sabotage in heels.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
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Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host Christa. This is a very special episode if you can see me. I’m wearing my Grinch sweatshirt and my very merry holiday headband, which ironically was the quote unquote villain in one of our recent skits with a Elise and Paige.
But I love this headband. It’s very festive. Um, today is Christmas. Um, I’m recording this like a month in advance though, so my mind can’t quite wrap around that yet. Um, being a mom or just I guess anyone really just automatically puts me in the panic of checklists, what things I need to get done for the holidays and, you know, all that good stuff, whether it’s work, personal, family, everything.
I feel like I’ve been recording so much just to catch up. Um, so that’s why my mind’s just kind of all over the place. So if you are feeling that way because of the holidays or whatever’s going on, I’m right there with you. Um, so this week’s gonna be a little different because, um, it’s the holidays and preparing for that.
I’m taking a little, little time off recording because. There’s so many other projects, you know how that goes. Um, so today I am actually gonna play a prerecorded episode that was originally made for my Patreon. And if you guys have been with me for a little while, you know, I didn’t do Patreon for that long.
Just felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I really wanted to give my full attention to, um, my podcast. So it was a lot to record those extra episodes. So. Um, I’m gonna do a couple wedding dilemmas that were sent to me. Give some advice on those, and then we’re gonna jump right into this episode from Patreon called Bridesmaids. Then we’re gonna jump right into a Patreon episode that was called Confessions of a Bridesmaid Secrets Scandals and Wedding Woes.
So first, let’s jump into these little wedding dilemmas that were sent over to me. They’re of course, of course, anonymous. These are ones that people send me. You can DM me, you can email me, whatever that is.
The Mother-in-Law Dance Dilemma & Thank You That Triggered Me
“Okay, it says, hi Christa. I was wondering if I could get some of your advice. My daughter is getting married in a few months and we absolutely adore our son and we absolutely adore our soon to be son-in-law. However, my future son-in-law has an on again off again relationship with his mother. She has stated many times to anyone willing to listen that she is not attending the wedding, she already knows that she will be in so much pain that day because of their estranged relationship. Is it okay for me to offer him a mother-in-law, son-in-law dance so he is not left out of that special moment of his day, or would that make things worse after the wedding if she really doesn’t show up and see pictures of that? Please let me know what you’d think. I’d love to get your advice on this. Love all your skits.”
Okay. This is a very complicated situation, right? I, first and foremost, I think it’s amazing that you’re thinking of him on his wedding day and how you can help make it better. Ultimately, I think you need to talk to your daughter and see if this is something that she would support and thinks that she’d be comfortable with.
Um. And it’s gonna ultimately be their decision because I get it, you wanna help, you also don’t wanna overstep. Um, like I said, it’s a very complicated thing. Relationships are complicated and yes, you don’t want the mother to be hurt. Um, and if she, but she’s already made it very clear, I’m not going to the wedding, it’s very estranged for me.
It’s gonna be very painful. So at that point. Talk to your daughter. If she seems okay with it, then I would talk to him, take the pressure off. Just be like, I just wanna offer this. If by chance you wanted to take me up on it, I’m there to help you in any way I can. And then let them ultimately decide you don’t want them to be put in a place where they feel like they have to say yes, and you don’t want him to feel, um, uncomfortable, like, or kind of put in a corner where he’s like, yeah.
I can’t say no, or I can’t say no to you because, or I can’t say yes to you because my mom’s gonna see something. Um, so. It’s really just communication with them first and, and every relationship’s gonna be completely different. Some people are gonna hear this and be like, absolutely not. That’s overstepping.
Other people are gonna say Yes, absolutely. So if you have a close relationship with him, you guys respect each other and you look at him like a son, then I don’t see any personal problem with it. Talk to your daughter first. Get her approval and if she’s okay with it and loves the idea, then I would move forward and ask him.
I love that though. I think that’s that’s a great way to. Step in the role and show that you are taking him in as part of the family.
Okay, this one says. The baby delivery skit. My husband was best man and his friend and our kids’ godparents wedding. That was a week after my due date. We got the invite the same week I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, they are very close, and my mother-in-law was going to be here to help with our toddler.
So I said that in this one instance he could go because they were so close and he was the best man, but only if our baby had been born since the wedding was out of state. Anyway, baby was born a few days early, so he went to the wedding and gave them a fairly expensive gift. We just got the thank you card and it was only addressed to him with a thoughtful note about him still still going to the wedding.
I’m sorry, but the gift was from both of us, and I was an equal participant in him being able to go, despite me being a weak postpartum with a toddler. Why am I so triggered by this? Okay. I read this and I was like. Kind of shocked. Like I would never just thank the husband whether he couldn’t come or not.
Um, at our wedding, we actually had a best man who, um, his wife had just given birth, I wanna say maybe a month or two prior. So it was very clear that she wasn’t gonna be able to come, and we completely understood that. We would never have just said thank you to him only for coming. We wrote a thank you to the whole family because we really appreciated the gift no matter what.
And the fact that she let him go or he was able to go, I shouldn’t say let him, but that he was able to go. Despite just having a child, um, was meant a lot to us that he still made the Far Trek. So I get being triggered by it. I wouldn’t get hung up on it because some people just don’t understand etiquette.
Um, but for me personally, I would still think the think the wife, of course, because you guys are a partnership. Um. And I would absolutely be writing that out to both people. So that’s my personal take on that. If you guys are watching this on YouTube, comment below what you would think. I wouldn’t only thank people that came to the wedding.
That’s just the same as people that couldn’t come to the wedding for some reason and still sent a gift. I wouldn’t not send them a thank you because they weren’t physically at the wedding. If they sent a gift, they participated in any way, shape, or form. I’m gonna be sending them a thank you. All right guys.
That’s all I have. Of course we’re gonna jump into that prerecorded episode. But before we get to that, I just wanna take a moment to say thank you all for being here. I’m so grateful, especially, um, this time of year, I think it’s just a real, a time to really just look back and just be grateful for everything.
Um, so I wanna wish you all a warm and peaceful holiday season no matter what you celebrate, or even if this time of year is just really stressful and you just can’t wait for it to be over. I just really hope you find moments of rest, joy, and connection. So without further ado, please enjoy my Patreon episode, confessions of a Bridesmaid, secret Scandals and Wedding Woes.
Christa Innis: Today we’re focusing all on bridesmaids. As I should know a thing or two since I’ve been a bridesmaid. Including twice made of honor almost 10 times and I’ve seen and heard it all plus I’ve gotten millions of stories from you guys.
So let’s kind of walk through what you can expect for this episode First up is going to be bridesmaid boot camp. It’s going to be a rapid fire guessing game to test your wedding knowledge. we’re going to have bridesmaid confessional, real unfiltered confessions from the archives.
Next is going to be wedding 911 listener dilemmas where I dish out my best advice. So we’re going to see just what comes up when you guys, , want some advice. the next segment is going to be called bridezilla court, a wild bridesmaid story caught straight from the depths of Reddit. Then we’re going to go right into here comes the roast spicy takes on wedding trends.
So I’m going to give you guys my honest take on some of these crazy things that come up. And last but not least, what would one of my episodes be without a crazy bridesmaid story? So, nothing quite. Brings out the drama, like a real life story, right? So I’ve got one from the archives that, I’ve not read yet.
So we’re going to react in real time together. grab a drink, settle in and let’s kick off this series with some major bridesmaid drama. Okay. First up is bridesmaid boot camp. So I’m going to go through these rapid fire trivia questions and throw some wedding facts at you, and you just do your best guess, , as you’re listening.
Bridesmaids: From Roman Armor to $6,800 Dresses
Okay, number one, true or false. Bridesmaids used to dress like the bride to confuse evil spirits. This is True. In ancient Rome, brides made stress identically to the bride to ward off evil spirits and potential kidnappers. Imagine dealing with that kind of drama. So it’s kind of funny how it’s changed so much over the years.
It used to be like, let’s distract everyone from the actual bride so she can get married and no one can try to, like, take her or, throw drama on her day. Now it’s like, don’t look anything like the bride unless she specifically requests it. Okay, number two. What’s the most expensive bridesmaid dress ever recorded?
Okay, so when I saw this question, I’m like thinking of what I’ve spent on bridesmaid dresses luckily the most of them I’ve spent like 99. I’ve spent a few that were over 200 But for the most part I would say around 150 it was like average the most ready for it 6, 800. It was a Vera Wang dress for a celebrity wedding and no, the bride did not cover the cost. Guys, that is insane. That is like a mortgage that has twice, triple a mortgage. I don’t even know. Like that is insane to spend on a dress. I mean, I guess if it’s a celebrity wedding, they have the money to spend.
I don’t know. I don’t know. Okay. Number three, bridesmaid duties used to include what unusual task. Okay. There’s a lot that has changed over the years. So You might think of this, but I don’t know. I was kind of shocked by it holding onto the dowry and guarding the bride on the way to the groom’s house.
So basically the bridesmaids were the original wedding security team. The dowry is a transfer of wealth, property, or money from the bride’s family. And so. They would protect this to the groom or its family as part of the marriage arrangement. I’m like, that’s like a lot of pressure on a bridesmaid. I’m glad that’s not the case anymore.
Like, I’m glad we’re just there for fun and support and, you know, all that good stuff. Okay, the last one, number four. In what country is it considered bad luck for bridesmaids to wear matching dresses? This is so funny because we used to do matching dresses all the time in the U. S. The answer is China. In China, it’s believed matching dresses attract bad energy so bridesmaids wear different colors.
Okay, I love this because we’re kind of getting away from the trend of wearing matching dresses. even like my own wedding, it was, I had like a specific like family of colors and then all the bridesmaids were able to pick out their own style because I feel like Everyone has their own style, their own body type. Like let’s not shove everyone in the same dress.
Okay, next up, we’re going to do some bridesmaid confessionals. Dun, dun, dun. Okay. that’s my own, music we got going on here. Okay. Here we go. I’m just going to react to these in real time, guys.
Just Say No: Navigating Bridesmaid Pressure and Wedding Drama
I said no to being a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding because I don’t approve of his choice, or him in general. Okay, so this is a two part thing. So it’s not just that she doesn’t approve of the new guy or girl coming in, she does not approve of her brother. I mean, there’s a backstory here. There’s some drama here that I’m very curious about. My thought is Okay, well, here’s the thing.
Here’s where I want to go with this. There is so much pressure to say yes to being in a wedding because it’s your brother, sister, whoever’s wedding. And I want to give the free will to everyone right now, if you don’t know you already have it, but you can say no to being in a wedding. I know, it’s crazy thought.
But here’s the thing, like, there’s so much pressure being in a wedding and if you don’t enjoy that or you don’t support the couple, don’t say yes, because you’re going to be miserable. like lucky for me. And that’s probably why I talk about weddings and stuff. I love weddings. I love being a part of weddings.
there was a time. I would say late 20s, I was in a wedding like every single year, if not a couple a year, and I loved it. I love being crafty. I love seeing how I can be useful and helpful, but it’s exhausting. You’re spending a lot of money. You’re spending a lot of time. That’s also pre kids, like, I was married.
So I had a lot more free time. Now, if I was in a wedding, It would be a lot harder. It’d be a lot more Zoom stuff and, traveling would be a lot more harder, and so it’s okay to say no. you gotta know your own limits and what you’re interested in. Okay, next confession.
I said no. Friend insisted. I kept saying no. The bride had a full on meltdown and wouldn’t stop.
I finally said yes to being a bridesmaid and 2, 000 later is what I spent. I should have stuck with no. Here we go. This is a common theme. If you have a gut feeling and want to say no, please say no. The fact that the bride had a full on meltdown because you said no, that’s not a bride. This is someone that just wants you up there as a number.
Or other bridesmaids, said no to her already. And so she’s putting the pressure on you to say yes. 000 later, no. I’m curious what that was all on. My guess is we’re talking dress, shoes, hair, makeup, maybe a bachelorette party, a gift. Those things add up. So even if you’re like, I don’t want to spend a lot of money, little things add up.
if the bride really wanted you to be a part of the wedding and said like, I’ll pay for your dress or I’ll help you with blank. Then sure, but a no means no. even if you have the money and you just don’t want to be in the wedding, that’s up to you. That’s terrible.
Financial Fiascos: When Bridesmaids Go Broke for Weddings
Okay, next confession. The first time I was a maid of honor, I was in complete shock. I had no idea the protocol. I went into debt. Wait, what? You went into debt. I had no idea I was responsible for the wedding party dresses. Whoa, in what wedding? And gifts for everybody. You got scammed. You got scammed. You should not be paying for somebody’s wedding party dresses and the gifts as the maid of honor.
No, no, absolutely not. Bridesmaid gifts are from the bride. That’s it. End of story. And those aren’t even like a guarantee. Every wedding that I’ve been in, There was a different type of gift. I never expected one from the bride, but the maid of honor never bought the gifts It’s not the maid of honor’s responsibility.
You got scammed You got used by a friend whoever you were the maid of honor for and I am so sorry you went into debt you guys Oh my gosh. I feel so bad for this bride. Here’s the thing. It’s hard when you are the first out of your friend group maybe like the first bride or you’re the first maid of honor or first bridesmaid and it’s hard to ask, like, what’s expected?
I don’t understand this. And then you say yes. And if you come from different backgrounds or you have different, finances, financial situations. It’s going to be hard to afford the same things. And especially I have found in your twenties, people are at just completely different levels. I was invited to a bachelorette party once, and I was a bridesmaid and they wanted to go to, I don’t even remember what it was, maybe Ibiza.
And I was like, you know what? You guys go and have a great time. I’m going to sit this one out because I don’t even remember how old I was. Maybe 27. I was like, I do not have the money to go to Ibiza. I just don’t. and it’s gonna be like a long, trip. I was just like, you know, if I’m gonna go out of the country, I’m gonna plan a trip with my now husband.
But, yeah, so We need to know our own limits and be okay with saying no to people because it’s just if the bride is expecting you to spend all that money and cares more about her day than your own finances and your own, your friendship, they’re not a friend. They’re not a friend.
Okay, this kind of goes into like both sections. So we’re gonna just gonna read this as a confession. I have a situation for you. My cousin was invited to be a bridesmaid at her friend’s wedding. At the time, the friend didn’t know what she was doing for the wedding. So it was just preliminary.
Later, the friend decided it was going to be a destination wedding. This significantly increased the cost of everything to do with the wedding. Yeah. Yeah, that one. My cousin had just bought a house and could not afford to be a bridesmaid anymore. She told her friend, and the girl said that she could take out a loan.
What? Take out a loan to be in the wedding? No, we’re not doing that. We’re not taking out loans for people. That is the worst financial advice I’ve ever heard. I’m not a financial expert, but I know that’s bad advice. My cousin right, rightly thought that was ridiculous and they haven’t spoken since. Okay.
This bride, this is a bridezilla. This is a bridezilla. We’re not doing that. We’re not telling people to get loans to be in our wedding. If someone says I can’t, like, if I really, really, really wanted someone to be there, like, let’s say it was like a best friend of mine, she said, Hey, I just bought a house.
I can’t afford to be there. I’d be like, you know what, let me cover it for you. Don’t worry about any expenses. If she still said no, I’d be like, you know what? support that. You’re still my friend. Like, let’s hang out another time. This is ridiculous. We are we’re not treating our friends that way. That is insane.
Okay. Segment number three, wedding 911. I got some listener disasters that we are going to talk through right now and, see what kind of advice I give them. And just a little disclaimer here. I’m no expert. I don’t give the best advice. I just give advice for what works for me. And a lot of times my advice might end with, well, whatever works best for you. So I’ll give some scenarios and, what I think might be a good idea. But you know your situation best. So more power to you. Here we go.
No More Pressure: Bridesmaid Boundaries 101
Help. The bride just told us we all have to wear shapewear and lose weight to look uniform. I’m sorry, in the bridesmaid dresses. No, I’m already saying no. I’m fuming. Do I push back or suck it up?
Suck it up? No, no, no, no, no, no, we’re not doing that. I would say thank you for your time. Thank you for your friendship gonna have to walk away now because a friend that cares more about my body size and my shape and a wedding dress does not care about me. There’s no sucking it up for someone like that. No, someone that literally tells you to lose weight I’m anti losing weight for your wedding.
I’m pro do what makes you feel the best for your wedding day, but we don’t need to shed for the wedding. unless that you or yourself are like, Hey, I’d like to like lose some weight. Sure. More power to you. But no, we’re not having people tell us that we need to lose weight. We need to love our bodies the way we love them.
Okay. Next one. My best friend is getting married. And she expects us to chip in for her dream bachelorette party weekend in Minocos. I love her, but I can’t afford this. How do I tell her without running the friendship? Okay. This is easy for me coming from an outside perspective. Cause I get it when it’s like your own friend, but your friend, that’s not your friend.
That’s not your friend. She expects you to chip in for her dream bachelorette.
I get it. So with all my, friend groups, when I was a bridesmaid, we would all chip in for these different bachelorette parties, split the cost amongst everyone that goes. Bridesmaids pay a little bit more because they like pay for the house. And I feel like every bachelorette party was a little bit different, but that’s going to be very expensive.
I mean, you’re talking a few thousand. Probably. And here’s the thing, too. Some brides get so caught up in the social media aspect of it. Like, they want to be influencers or they want to boast about it on social media. So they want the curated, gift bags. They want the curated setup. And that just takes away from the whole thing. And this is coming from someone that loves the creative part of it. I love putting stuff together. I love making those cute little gift bags. But if you make it more about let’s post on social media and go viral, or let’s have people like ooh and ah over it, that’s taking away from the actual experience of it.
It’s supposed to be about celebrating and like being friends, have a night away or a weekend away, whatever. so I would just tell her, you know, I love you. But just like you said, I love you. But I can’t afford this. I want to be there to support you in any way I can. but this is a little too much for me.
If you want to do that with your other bridesmaids and they can all afford it and are happy with it, then more power to you. Please do that. I feel like I’m saying more power to you a lot this episode. Please do that, and I would love to take you out for dinner. Blah, blah, blah. Like, for example, at my own bachelorette party, I gave no expectations. ‘I said, Hey, here’s three cities I would maybe want to go to for maybe like a long weekend.’ I told all of my bridesmaids, including my maid of honor. I said, don’t feel like you have to come, please, please. There’s no pressure to attend anything. my bridesmaids did not come and that was fine. It happens. It’s okay. One ended up coming to my town and we just went out to dinner and we had like a nice day, the two of us. I didn’t expect it. It was fine. Okay, so if telling your friend that ruins your friendship, then she wasn’t a friend to begin with.
Next one, our bridesmaid dresses came in and mine doesn’t fit at all the boutique messed up my order and now the bride is telling me I need to pay for a new one even though it wasn’t my fault. What do I do? Okay, if it’s in fact the boutique’s fault. Like, maybe they, ordered the wrong size, they messed up your sizing, they will order you a new one. I actually was a part of a wedding once where this happened to a friend of mine who was a bridesmaid as well, they ordered her a size 2 bra big I want to say or I can’t remember the too small or too big. And she had to go back and get them resized and they were going to order another one It was a boutique and they did it what will happen with that is they’ll just put that dress on the rack to sell at a discounted price I’m, no expert. I don’t know 100 but no. You shouldn’t have to pay for a new one if the boutique messed it up. So I would call them.
Okay, last one here is, uh, The bride just sent us a spreadsheet of wedding expenses and expects each bride to contribute 400 towards her hair, dress, and makeup. I’ve never heard of this. Do people actually do this? Okay, the only time I heard this happening is another crazy bridesmaid story where she was taking money from them and using it towards her wedding. So, no, this is not normal. You should not be paying anything for the bride. If anything, the bride should be paying for your hair and makeup.
So, we’re gonna say no to that. And, again, if she says, well, then you can’t be in the wedding, then you say, well, have a great day. I will look at the pictures later.
Okay, segment number four. Here we go. Bridezilla court. You be the judge. I did some research and I found a crazy Reddit story. This kept coming up as like a very crazy one. So here we go. I have not read the whole thing Let’s react you be the judge who’s in the wrong here.
16 Bridesmaids, 1 Nightmare Bride
This bride has 16 girls to be bridesmaids in the year and a half between the engagement and the wedding all But six dropped out Three of them were her sisters. Wait, so three of the six that dropped out were her sisters? Okay, that’s That’s a bad sign. What’s going on here? If she has 16 and 6 dropped out, I’m no math whiz, but that’s like 40%. She insisted on 16 different shades of blue and 16 unique dress styles for each bridesmaid. Then threw a fit when the store didn’t have that many options.
Well, why don’t you look first to see like, hey, does this store have, dress options and then we’re gonna like bring the bridesmaids in. That’s a lot of shades of blue. She’d probably want it to look like, dark to light and like they’re perfectly lined up. Like that’s like very I mean, that would look very beautiful.
However, it’s not really practical. I don’t know. She demanded that everyone pay for a week long bachelorette party in Vegas, including covering her share. Okay, so here’s the thing. I mentioned how all the bachelorette parties I’ve gone on, we cover for the bride. That’s just what we do. And I’ve paid everywhere from a couple hundred dollars.
Actually, probably the lowest was like a hundred dollars when I was 20. And all the way to probably like 1, 500, 2, 000 for like a full like week long trip that we did one time. That being said, the bride never, never said, you have to do this. The bride even tried to pay for her part. She did not demand that everyone had to come. She did not demand it was a week long. Like we planned all this stuff and it’s one of my best friends and all best friends went. So it was like a girl’s trip. that is insane.
She got angry when bridesmaids opted out. I was a single mom and college student at the time.Her parents gave her 20, 000 budget for the wedding, but she ended up spending 100, 000. How do you spend 100, 000 when you don’t have it? I don’t know. Also these days if she’s planning a big fancy wedding, 20, 000 unfortunately does not cover a lot. it’s insane how expensive they are. She insisted they cover the difference.
Okay, I don’t know how this parent -adult relationship works. They took out a loan and they are still paying it off. Okay, what’s with these loans? So she overspent for the wedding and her parents took out a loan to pay for it. See that is terrible. That’s the keeping up the Joneses things that I hate.
If you cannot afford it, Why are we having these crazy over the top weddings if you cannot afford it? At that point, it’s more about the show. It’s more about people’s perception of you and less about the actual marriage. And I swear, like, so many of these end up in divorce, like, I know that’s, very generalization, but like, because they don’t focus on the actual, like, hey, we’re stepping into marriage together. They’re like, literally just making it about this big day. Like, yes, we want the day to be special and exciting, and yes, it’s gonna be cost some money, but when you do all this, it’s like, no, that just takes away from it.
Okay, she wanted all the bridesmaids to have their hair color the same, and even asked the two blondes to dye their hair? They declined. Okay, the second I’m asked at my hair for a wedding, I’m out. Despite paying for nothing for the bridesmaids, traditionally the bride covers at least one expense, like dresses or hair and makeup. She demanded that we purchase specific shoes, jewelry, dresses, and cover our own hair and makeup.
So this is the thing too, Like in my own wedding, I had a makeup artist and I had a hairstylist. I said, you guys want hair and makeup, let me know. It is not a requirement. I had some that did their own hair and makeup. I had some that just did their own hair. Some that just did their own makeup. Whatever they wanted was up to them. I would never demand something and then not pay for it myself. Not pay for it for them.
Okay. On top of that, she required everyone to stay the entire weekend at the hotel where she was getting married. I don’t get this required thing. Like, how is she gonna, make you do that? In total, the cost excluding a wedding gift ended up being over 2, 000 per bridesmaid. That actually sounds low. When I look at all the things that she asked for, if you’re talking about a week in Vegas, that’s gonna be 2, 000 itself. Talking about flight, you’re talking about meals, you’re talking about hotel, that alone is gonna be like 1, 500 or 2, 000.
This was a largely poor to middle class area and most of us are college age. There is no way in college I would have been spending that. The bachelorette parties that I to in college were one night, we usually stayed at someone’s house or a cheap hotel, and we went to bars. That’s what we did. So I would maybe have spent a hundred dollars. Maybe two, depending on how crazy.
There’s no way I’ve been spending that in college. She also had three separate engagement parties and bridal showers. No, no, just, I don’t even know what to say to that. The final straw for me was that she demanded to review my toast a month before the wedding so she could edit it. So I’m guessing this is a maid of honor that wrote this. Then she completely rewrote it herself.
I don’t even have anything to say to this bride, because this is just all terrible. this is so terrible. Okay, someone writing a toast or a speech for your wedding or engagement party or whatever event is supposed to be, like, comes from their heart. They do it to say words that, mean something to them. To, like, make you feel good on your day. If you rewrite it yourself, what’s the point? literally, what’s the point?
Oh, here we go. At that point, I decided to skip the wedding altogether and ended our friendship. So, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. They did end up getting married, and six plus years later, he seems absolutely miserable.
So we’re looking from afar, it sounds like they’re not friends anymore. He looks miserable, so they spent all this money. so, I’m wondering if she’s one of the six that dropped out. I, gosh, I have so many questions, but I’m also like, this girl sounds terrible. It makes me wonder, like, if they had a feeling, gut feeling that this bride was gonna act this way, or if it was one of those where as soon as she got engaged, like, a bridezilla just turned on.
I’ve never experienced this first hand. All the times I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve never, never seen any of the brides act in this way. They’d all been friends I’d been friends with for a while. Some of the engagements were long, some were really short. They were all different, but. I had never seen bridesmaid behavior like this.
This is insane. Yeah, I would have been long gone. I don’t know about you guys.
Alright, segment number five. Here comes the roast. These are some savage wedding takes. I don’t know how savage I’ll get, but we’ll see. Alright.
Bridesmaids: Close Ties, Clear Expectations
Here’s my opinion. First things first, asking people to be in your wedding just because they’re family. Oh, I think I talked about this earlier, but no, if you’re not super close with someone or you just don’t want them in your wedding. You do not have to ask them because here’s the thing. I hear so many stories where the parents pressure siblings to ask, you know, the other sibling to be in the wedding maid of honor, best man and they purposely don’t ask them because they don’t have that relationship they can’t trust them with certain responsibilities and then when they give in and they have them in. They are so let down because they’re not giving the speech, they’re forgetting the rings, they’re forgetting their dress, they’re not eyeing on the dress, and I’ve seen it all before.
I saw one recently where she I was asked to have her sister in the wedding, her younger sister, who had little to no responsibilities. The sister just complained the whole time. Showed up with like a wrinkly dress, couldn’t even iron the dress. And it’s just, you gotta listen to your gut. I don’t think you should have someone in the wedding just because they’re family.
Okay. This next one. Ooh, okay. If you have 10 plus bridesmaids, you just wanted an audience. I disagree with this. I disagree with this. I’m sure it happens sometimes where you just ask people just to have a big wedding. But I’ve been in weddings where there were 12 bridesmaids and let me tell you the bride had a really close and great relationship with each person.
It was a big Italian wedding for a couple. I’m trying to think actually there’s been a few. Yeah, there was one with ten, one with eleven, one with twelve. I had nine bridesmaids, I know. but there’s some different like points in my life. So we’re talking about college friends, we’re talking about cousins, siblings, high school friends, post high school friends, and then like I have two sister in laws, so you have to think about just what makes sense for you. I’ve also been in weddings where there were just three bridesmaids, and that was awesome too. I’ve been to weddings where there’s no bridesmaids, so that’s such a general statement that I have to disagree with it because I’ve seen it firsthand where, like, one of my best friends, she had, ten, where it was sister, cousin, four from college, four from high school, and then a couple, and then, like, another friend. I think I’m adding that up right. yeah, so you just don’t really know.
Okay, next one. Bridesmaids shouldn’t be expected to get full glam. Yeah, I 100 percent agree with that. I think,if you expect them to have you better be paying for it. If not, no. but me personally, have them do what is comfortable for them. Because if they’re not used to wearing makeup, why make them wear makeup on your wedding day?
Last one. The maid of honor role should come with a salary. Oh my god, it’s hilarious. No, I I mean, it’s funny because like. The first time I was ever in a wedding, I was a maid of honor, so I was 20, for my sister. And the last time I was in a wedding, I was a matron of honor, and I was 6 or 7 months pregnant. it was completely different, and I’m also like, early 30s compared to years old.
So my expectations were different, the role was different, how much money I spent was different, right? But, I don’t think either of those times were the times I spent the most or did the most for the wedding. Just because it was different times in our lives, right? So I think you can be as involved as you want to be, and it just depends on the, bride you’re working with. But I get it. I get it. I think there needs to be clear transparency of what you’re expected of, and then if you cannot perform what they want, then we gotta say no.
Okay. Segment number six, the final segment, which I think you guys are all waiting for. You guys love these stories, and I love them too because it’s so fun to react. live with you guys. okay. So this is a final confession crazy wedding story. This was a story submission. Someone sent to me It’s doozy here. Okay. I’ve not read it. So let’s react together.
The Bridesmaid Who Didn’t Show: Dress Drama & No-Shows
I had a really good friend Lauren [names have been changed] who I asked to be my bridesmaid And I thought it’d be great since we got along so well. I struggled to pick a dress color for my bridesmaids because they all had different complexions and hair colors.
Two girls were pale with blonde hair, one was tan with blonde hair, one was pale with red hair, one was Hispanic with darker hair, and black hair. I finally settled on a pale mustard yellow dress with small floral details that I really liked. Since I knew not everyone would love my choice. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids as a gift.
Yeah. Okay. I think that’s fine. However, as soon as Lauren saw a picture of this dress, she threw a fit. I can’t imagine throwing a fit when you are a bridesmaid in a wedding for someone else, and they buy you the dress. I’m just like, you know what, girl, it’s your style, whatever. Yeah, maybe later I’ll be like, okay, it wasn’t the best fit for me, but whatever.
She said I was trying to make her look hideous. I tried to ignore her complaints since I had already bought the dress and all she had to do was pick it up from my house before the wedding. So I’m wondering how this all worked. Did they send you their measurements or did they go somewhere and get measured and you’re like, surprise, here’s the dress.
I’m one, like I said earlier, I’m one for her individuality. Let’s let them pick their own, style for their body type. And hard like finding a color that everyone likes and is gonna look good in. Mustard yellow. that’s a different color. I’ve, can’t say I’ve ever seen it as a bridesmaid dress, like personally.
So I get it, but hey. Again, if one of my best friends were like, Hey, this is the dress I want you to wear, I’d be like, let’s do it. since I got married in 2020, there were all kinds of lockdowns and restrictions, and the number of people allowed to gather kept changing. The general consensus was that groups of fewer than 10 people were okay as long as no one felt sick.
So my bridal shower was really just my bridesmaids and me prepping decorations and finishing last minute wedding projects. Side note, we had a very small, socially distanced ceremony followed by a drive thru reception. So it was completely safe, but I still had decorations to worry about. Okay, interesting. All my bridesmaids came over except Lauren. I assumed she was just running late, but as time passed, the rest of us got caught up in conversations and before I knew it, three hours had gone by and she still hadn’t shown up.
Okay, how do you, just completely forget about a bridesmaid? That’s crazy, but I mean, get like you’re just talking other people, but I feel like things were already rocky before if you weren’t noticing her there or kind of just slipped your mind.
She’s not very important. I don’t know. I hate to like throw that out there, but that’s the vibe I’m getting, she still hadn’t shown up. I called her freaking out because I thought she’d been in a car accident or something terrible had happened. She didn’t answer and I was genuinely worried. Then, 30 minutes later, she pulled up to my house in a brand new car. What? Apparently, she had decided on a whim to buy a car that afternoon and didn’t bother to let me know that she was running late. At that point, I was frustrated, but my wedding was the next day, so I just handed her the bridesmaid dress and told her I’d see her tomorrow.
Yikes, okay. so this is the shower, quote unquote, that happened the night before the wedding. This bridesmaid was already mad about the dress color, saying it’s, she wants her to look bad. It sounds like things weren’t really worked out beforehand. She’s not showing up to this, thing, but then the wedding is the next day. I don’t have hopes for her.
Okay, here we go. I was right. Well, she didn’t show up to the wedding at all. It turned out her parents were offended that I hadn’t invited them to the ceremony and didn’t want her to go without them. What?! Okay, I don’t know their relationship, but I can’t imagine any of my friend’s parents being so mad. Like, I invited my friend’s parents, yes. But I also didn’t get married in the height of 2020, right?
And I get, cutting back on your guest list, but I can’t imagine them being so mad. They’d be like, you know what? You can’t go without me. She’s a bridesmaid! She had a commitment. I know her parents and I would have loved to invite them, distancing rules still in place, we had to keep the guest list very small.
Only immediate family and the bridal party. So she did what she had to do. Between her parents being upset and her hatred of the bridesmaid dress, she decided not to come to the wedding or reception. Here’s my guess. The bridesmaid hated the dress. Complained to her parents and said, I don’t want to go to this wedding. This is going to be terrible. Found the least opportune time to buy this car. Made sure it took a little bit longer. Just in spite of the bride picking this, quote unquote, ugly mustard yellow dress. Then, when she, the parents had to have known a while back they weren’t invited. So she keeps bringing this up and then she’s probably like, wait.
You know, it’s really weird you guys weren’t invited to this wedding. I think she doesn’t like you guys or something. So then the parents are like, you know what? I don’t think you should go. This doesn’t sound like a good friend. Because you know what that’s what people do. They turn the story to make themselves sound like the hero of the story and the other person the villain, right?
So this bridesmaid is going to be telling her parents. This is a bridezilla over here. She got me this ugly dress. You weren’t invited. She hates you guys, you know? So yeah, that’s what I’m guessing. I’ve seen her a few times since then and we’re still friends. Okay, alright, I’m sure. I still had an amazing wedding day, but I really wish she would have been there when I got married. And I definitely wish I hadn’t spent money on a bridesmaid dress she probably donated to Goodwill without ever wearing, lol.
Yeah, so that’s the thing with bridesmaids, it’s like, you want to include them as much as possible to keep them kind of like a part of it and have their own personality. That’s my own personal take, but it’s a really kind gesture to buy all the dresses.
So. There’s like this happy medium of like you don’t want to give them so much Space where it’s like we’re just standing around trying to figure out the best dress because I’ve been there I’ve been bridesmaid dress shopping where you’re literally at the shop for like five hours everyone has a different opinion everyone’s different color different style no one’s happy by the end because it’s like you’re tired, you’re hungry, you’ve been trying on the same eight dresses, so the bride needs to have an idea of what she likes and then kind of throw it out there. But again, I’m that bridesmaid where if you give me a dress and I, unless it’s like completely revealing, I’ll wear it. You give me a dress, I’ll wear it. Like I’ll make it work.
Okay, that’s a crazy story. It’s funny because I when I was first kind of thinking about this episode and how I wanted to do these kind of patreon episodes I was talking about bridesmaids The first thing that came to mind is obviously the movie bridesmaids cuz that’s like an iconic movie, right?
Just think about all of those scenes. We’re talking about trying on bridesmaid dresses. I mean think of that scene everyone has different price ranges different body types different styles that appeal to them that’s a scene that keeps popping in my mind, like, it’s hard to please everybody.
Talking about all this makes me want to watch Bridesmaids because it’s like the most iconic movie I can think of when it comes to the challenges between different personalities and people competing for top place as a bridesmaid made of honor
was gonna do like a deep dive in the movie. I was like everybody’s seen that movie So I’ll just reference it as much as possible But yeah, I don’t know it’s crazy Alright guys, well, that was a crazy first episode, I hope you guys enjoyed me blabbing about these crazy confessions, crazy bridesmaid stories, and the reddit one that, like, is honestly insane.
The stories, I get sent are just over the top. so yeah, thank you guys for hanging out with me. If you made it to the end, consider yourself officially initiated into my wedding party inner circle, the VIP crew that gets all the juiciest drama before everybody else. But don’t go anywhere just yet because next month is going to be all about Groomsmen drama. Groomsmen confessions, behind the scenes, and more tea that you won’t wanna miss. So trust me, you’ll not want to miss this one. If you love this episode, do me a huge favor. Tell one friend about this Patreon, whether it’s in your group chat, your work bestie, or that one friend that’s been to way too many weddings, just spread the word.
It really helps. Word of mouth is the ultimate wedding party tradition, so let’s keep it going there. And hey, if you have a wild groomsman story. You want to send me for the next month’s episode, please send it my way. You can DM me on social media, drop it in our exclusive Patreon chat. There’s so many ways you can send me stories these days.
So I will find it if you try to send it to me, but until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. All right. Bye guys.
Wedding Tornado, DIY Confessions, and Raw Photo Dilemma with Mackenna Hillis
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever had your perfect wedding day ruined by Mother Nature?
This week’s story submission had it all: a forecast for a sunny, dreamy outdoor ceremony, completely upended by flash flooding, thunder, and lightning while the bride and her bridesmaids were still at the salon. From soggy dresses to late groomsmen, a misnamed officiant, and a brother-in-law signing the marriage license incorrectly, total chaos. Yet the bride’s attitude remained unshakable.
Mackenna and Christa dive into surviving unpredictable weather with backup plans, navigating multi-wedding venues and unexpected guest drama, and why little disasters, muddy dresses, eaten dinners, and wild relatives, don’t have to ruin the day.
They also explore jaw-dropping DIY wedding confessions, from postpartum moms breaking their bodies for receptions that flopped to well-meaning family members being treated like unpaid staff. By the end, the storm passed, the photos were stunning, and the memories? Truly unforgettable.
JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
02:29 Mackenna’s Background and Photography Journey
02:59 College Experience and Career Decisions
05:40 Starting a Photography Business
07:59 Community and Networking in Photography
11:05 Wedding Stories and Industry Insights
15:22 Challenges and Memorable Moments
20:40 Importance of Candid Moments and Storytelling
28:25 Building Client Relationships and Timelines
32:07 Vendor Challenges and Wedding Planning
33:28 Elopements and Family Dynamics
34:01 Destination Weddings and Locations
34:53 Personal Wedding Preferences
37:03 Weather Woes on the Wedding Day
40:57 Unexpected Wedding Day Drama
50:36 Wedding Day Reflections and Advice
54:08 DIY Weddings and Confessions
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Wedding Weather Chaos – A bride’s perfect sunny forecast turned into torrential rain, flash floods, and even a near tornado, proving that Mother Nature always keeps weddings interesting.
- Timing Troubles – Despite major delays getting to the venue and groomsmen running late, the ceremony only started five minutes behind schedule, showing quick thinking and adaptability saves the day.
- Vendor and Guest Mishaps – From officiants mixing up names to siblings eating the bride’s dinner, unexpected hiccups kept everyone on their toes—but didn’t ruin the celebration.
- DIY Wedding Insights – Mackenna and Christa discuss the joys and stress of DIY weddings, emphasizing knowing your limits, enjoying the process, and having supportive friends and family.
- Postpartum Supermom Moment – One bride cooked all the food just 19 days after a C-section, only to have guests not show up—a testament to dedication (and the chaos that can come with DIY weddings).
- Respecting Helpers – Stories of friends and family being treated like staff instead of loved ones highlighted the importance of gratitude and kindness at weddings.
- Memorable Family Styles – From hideous DIY dresses to motorcycle-riding grandparents arriving in leather and denim, the hosts celebrate letting family members own their style and quirks for authentic memories.
- Photography Perspective – Mackenna shares how professional photographers navigate wedding chaos, from unexpected weather to ensuring the couple gets the photos they deserve.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “There’s DIY for fun… and then there’s DIY for emotional damage.” – Christa Innis
- “Who is asking a postpartum mom to cook a whole wedding meal? Be serious.” – Christa Innis
- “The minute you treat people like staff instead of family, I’m side-eyeing you.” – Christa Innis
- “If it doesn’t bring you joy, it’s not a cute craft — it’s a stressor.” – Christa Innis
- “That’s not just a wedding drama… that’s a boundary violation.” – Christa Innis
- “Nineteen days postpartum and cooking? I could barely imagine standing.” – Mackenna
- “If someone’s helping, you don’t get to boss them around.” – Mackenna
- “That would make me mad as the bride AND as the friend.” – Mackenna
- “You have to know your relationship before calling out that dress.” – Mackenna
- “Some people just have their own style… even if it hurts a little to look at.” – Mackenna
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Mackenna
Mackenna is a Middle Tennessee photographer specializing in weddings, maternity, Fresh48, branding, lifestyle, and senior sessions. Known for her steady presence and calm, grounded energy, she’s captured every kind of wedding day—messy, emotional, beautiful, and everything in between. With an eye for real moments and a heart for her couples, Mackenna brings warmth, adaptability, and storytelling to every gallery she delivers.
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a great episode for you today. I feel like a broken record saying that, but you guys just send me so many wild stories. It’s just, it’s hard to keep up with sometimes. I was recently looking at a document where all, all of our story submissions get filtered into, and we now have over 600 stories, and that’s.
Marking off the ones that we’ve already shared. So it’s always fun kind of reading through them and seeing what you guys have up your sleeve, what you guys send me. Um, as always, please send me your wedding dilemmas. I’ve been getting more and more sent to me in my dms on Instagram. So if that’s where you wanna send them, feel free to send them there.
You can also send them to me at hollow@kristaennis.com. Um. They’re pretty wild, um, but they’re kind of fun to go through. Anyway, today I’m joined by photographer McKenna Hillis. She is from a small town in the middle of Tennessee. I also a full-time college student majoring in social work and psychology, and she somehow still finds the time to manage this new photography bu business that she’s built over the last three years.
Um, I had a last minute cancellation on the podcast and I was like, I wanna just reach out. On Instagram and TikTok to see who wants to come on and just chat. And she was one of the first people to come, uh, reach out. And I was like, you know what? Let’s hang out. This was fun. We had a great time talking about photography, being in weddings, being in friends weddings, DIY weddings.
Weather, of course, how weather can be very, um, shocking and unexpecting, um, in some of our most precious moments. And then of course, we end reading a shocking wedding story, um, that you, I think you guys are gonna get a lot of joy out of. So without further ado, here is my interview in my chat with McKenna Hillis. Enjoy.
Hi Mac. Thank you for being here.
Mackenna: Hey, I’m excited.
Christa Innis: Yes. This is awesome. So I had like a last minute, like cancellation. and I was like reaching out and you have a lot of experience doing wedding photography and you’ve got some stories. So I was like, this will be fun. Let’s mix things up. And it’s always fun to have like wedding vendors on because they know the industry.
Mackenna: Yeah, yeah.
Finding Your Path & Capturing Unforgettable Moments
Christa Innis: And I’m sure you’ve seen it all. But before we get to all that, can you just introduce yourself, who you are, what you do, and all that good stuff?
Mackenna: Yeah. I’m Mackenna, but my business name and what I go by is Mac. It’s Mac’s photography. I’ve been doing photography for about three years for the public.
It’s been my full-time job for about a year while I’m going through college. I’m a social work and psychology major. and yeah, I’ve just got millions of stories, not even just from weddings, just from general sessions of things going wrong and weather and just all the things.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So you are a, you said a psychology major.
Mackenna: Yeah. Social work and psychology. Social work and psychology. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Wow, okay. So is that a double major then? So you, yeah,
Mackenna: So I’m from Tennessee, so we have like, I don’t know if they do it in other states, but like I’m at a, we call it a community college. So for the first two years I get my associates there and it’s practically free.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Mackenna: So that’s where I’m at right now. And then I’ve got one more semester there and I’ll transfer to university.
Christa Innis: Okay. There you go. Yeah, I don’t know if it’s like that everywhere. I feel like if you do like community college, it’s a lot more affordable. Mm-hmm. I live, I don’t know about free, but it’s a lot more affordable for sure.
Yeah. And I feel like it’s like very under, like undervalued might be the wrong word, like it’s not talked about as much. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like there’s all this pressure to go to a four, four year university right away mm-hmm. From high school and so many people don’t know what they wanna do right away.
Yeah. And then they spend the first couple years at a four year university where they’re paying so much money and then there’s just kind of like are, you know, bopping around trying to figure it out, which no hate to be able to do that either, but I’m just like, I think it’s so smart sometimes just going to community college and just like figuring it out the first couple years.
Yeah.
Mackenna: Well, when I first graduated, I went to a different community college and changed my major, completely transferred to another community college closer to me. And it was just nice that I figured that out before I was paying a lot of money
Christa Innis: Yes.
Mackenna: To then pay extra, you know what I’m saying?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, for sure.
I mean, I saw it all the time when I was in college. Like people just did not know. And you switch majors? I switched. Not too drastically. ’cause I went in, I, I went in thinking I was gonna be an English teacher, a high school English teacher. That was always what I wanted to do. And it wasn’t until I think like freshman or so, no, I think it was sophomore year that I was like, I don’t wanna go back to high school and I don’t wanna teach.
Yeah. You know, like I just, like, teachers are amazing and I have so much respect for them. Mm-hmm. But I just could not see myself going, wanting to go back to high school and teaching. Yeah. And I think, so I just switched over to like English publishing. So it essentially like the same department, but like later on I just went a different way.
Mackenna: Well, that’s good too. ’cause you have your books now, so that kind of helped you, I’m sure that made your change.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I always liked the English and the writing part of it, so that kind of, that, that definitely helped. But I, to be completely frank, I forgot a lot. It’s just like, it’s wild.
And I, and I feel like a lot of people too, it’s like whatever you graduate in, you don’t always go like, get a job in that area, like mm-hmm. Like, you might end up like, ’cause how long have you been doing photography now?
Mackenna: Uh, for three years.
Christa Innis: For three years? So like, your business, like really taking off, you really enjoy it.
You might end up mm-hmm. Being like, I’m just wanna be a photographer. Yeah. And that’s amazing. You work for yourself, but you know, you just never really know what direction your life will take you. Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: Yeah. I have a lot of, like, my clients and stuff, they’ll be like, are you gonna do this? Like when you graduate college?
I was like, I’ve never stepped it away. I’m always gonna do it. It’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. Like even when we had did my daughter’s like newborn photos, um, it was funny because we just found someone like, I’m like postpartum. And I just remember like googling someone and she lived close by and it turns out she’s like a, I wanna say she’s a, yeah, she’s a therapist nearby.
And so I’m like, she’s like a full-time, like therapist has like four kids and then she also does newborn photography. And I was like, you go girl. Like, she’s like, I got all my things. Um, so yeah, I, I think that’s a fun thing. And a good friend of ours too, he is a firefighter and he does photography on this side.
Mm-hmm. I love that. Finding the arts is like, I think really fun.
Mackenna: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So like how did you, how did you get into it and like, did you start with like smaller portrait, like photography and then get into weddings or what was
Mackenna: your Well, so I live on a family farm. It’s like, I think we’re like the fourth like generation to have the farm.
So when I was a kid I always just loved like the scenery of it and stuff. So I remember like when I was a kid getting my grandma’s little like cannon camera and just going around and like taking pictures of random places. And then for my birthday, my birthday’s in December, it’s a week before Christmas.
I, my mom gave me, it was a little cannon, like EOS something, some kind of little like DSLR camera. And I remember I was like, Ooh, like this is something I’ve always liked and stuff. So I started doing like little free sessions to like my cousins or my friends or things. And then I was like, I think I wanna do this like.
For like, like to the public for like services. So I’d say it was around the end of January, I think it was January 21st. I like had my first session that I’d done and I made an Instagram and I made a Facebook. And then ever since then it’s kind of just grown bigger and bigger and bigger.
Christa Innis: That’s amazing.
Yeah. I think it’s great too when you’re a part of a small community. ’cause like word of mouth is your biggest like market. Mm-hmm. Like tactic I guess. And so like, just like taking care of one family and then they just tell other people. Yeah. Like that’s bigger than any anything because people Oh yeah.
Word of mouth. I know I do, I trust word of mouth so much more than anything else. It’s just that intimate like connection with somebody too. Yes.
Mackenna: It’s like, so I’m from a very, very small town, like my high school, there’s one high school, one elementary and one middle school in my town. Wow. And we didn’t have a football team.
We were so small. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So like it’s been very nice because like when I, I was doing photography when I was a senior in high school and like I took a bunch of the people, like my classmates senior pictures and stuff. And it was just special because I’ve like, I’ve known them since preschool pretty much.
’cause we’ve all went to school together. Yeah. And then I was taking their senior pictures of their capping gown pictures and it was just very special.
Christa Innis: I love that. So you got in at like the right time. Mm-hmm. You got the camera and you’re like, let’s do this. And so another probably like the known photographer in your area.
Mackenna: Yeah. There’s a few other ones and stuff, but like, I love the photography industry ’cause there’s no jealousy. Like we help each other out. I, I don’t have bad blood with any of them. Like one of my best friends from high school just started the business and like, we’re always texting each other and asking for tips or like sharing location spots and stuff.
It’s like I just, I just love ’em all. Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: I love that we need more of that because I feel like in the big, like, I don’t know, realm of like, I don’t know, like, I don’t know, things you like business owners, things you see, women are always taught to be like in competition of others, and there is so much room at the table that we should be lifting up other women, especially other women business owners to like, help them, like follow their passions, like mm-hmm.
I’ll have friends of mine text me and be like, how did you get into social media? Like, what do you, how do you post? And I’m just like, here’s my tips. This is what I did. Here’s what you should do. Like mm-hmm. I’m not gonna be like, I don’t know, figure it out. Like, I just feel like we should help each other.
Like why not? Yeah. Like there’s, there’s so much like hate in the world. Like why can’t we just like help each other? I, yeah.
Mackenna: That’s like my thing too. It’s like me and my boyfriend and stuff, we’ve gotten pictures done by be like by other photographers for before and it’s like I could have somebody take it with my camera, but I don’t wanna do that.
I wanna support other photographers and things like that. I don’t know, I just really like it. I feel like there’s no bad blood in it.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And also too, it’s like you never know if like you’ll, like maybe one of them will get hired for a wedding and then last minute they like can’t make it.
Mm-hmm. So they’re gonna think of you first and be like, Hey Mac, can you take over for this wedding? ’cause I’m sick. Mm-hmm. You know, whatever. Yeah. And you can help each other out because I feel like I see that a lot in the wedding industry. Like even when I got married, like my makeup artist had a couple backups just in case like mm-hmm.
Something were to happen. Um, or if like one’s pregnant and then like she has her baby early, you know? Yeah. She’ll have like someone kind of replace. So I feel like that industry, you have to have someone ready just in case. Mm-hmm. Anything can happen. Right.
Mackenna: Yeah, especially like when busy season is, I consider busy season from like September to about January.
’cause it’s like the leaves are changing. It’s very pretty outside. People want family photos and that’s a busy time for weddings and just things like that. But then it’s also like flu, flu time, sickness time, allergies, all that things. So I was actually a maid of honor in a wedding for one of my friends, uh, in September.
And that same weekend I had a photographer message me and she’s like, can you second shoot for me this Saturday? Like, my second shooter has gotten sick. Oh. And I was like, I’m in a wedding. Like, believe it or not, like I’m sorry. It’s just, yeah. I feel like we all lean on each other a lot.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you definitely need to.
Embracing Wedding Chaos & Making Memories Last
So you’ve been a maid of honor. Have you been in any other, any other weddings?
Mackenna: Mm-hmm. Well, obviously like taking pictures, like the photographer of a wedding, but I’ve only ever been in one, but it was very fun. Oh, cool.
Christa Innis: Well, you’re still, you’re still young, so I feel like you’re probably like about to be at the age where more, more friends start getting married.
I remember like. There was like, I think I was probably a maid of honor bef, that was my first wedding. I was a maid of honor and I think I was probably before any of my friends, because I was for my older sister. Mm-hmm. But then I feel like there was a few years in there where I was like, just nonstop.
’cause that would, that’s when people start getting married and you’re just like, okay, okay. Can everyone slow? Yeah. Yeah. I just remember there was one year my husband and I went to five weddings and I was like, that’s where I’m capped at. That’s, that’s, yeah.
Mackenna: That’s how I’m starting to feel. Like my boyfriend, he’s a year older than me, so like a lot of his friends and like fam, like his cousin just got married and he was the best man in October.
And then I was a the maid of honor in September. So it was like back to back. We were both in two weddings and we were always like kind of talking about like at the end of the nights and stuff, like what we were doing for each wedding. Like I was writing my speech and then a month later he was writing his speech, you know?
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. And it’s like, you don’t think about like all the different events that go on mm-hmm. While planning a wedding. Like there’s a bridal shower if there’s a bachelorette bachelor party. Mm-hmm. There’s like, you know, if it’s a more DIY type wedding, all the things I have to attend. And I just think about all those years.
Yeah. Like being a part of weddings where it was just like every weekend there’d be something. Plus I have a habit, and I don’t know if this is how you are too, but I have a habit of just like reaching out to the bride and being like. What are you doing? Do you need help with wedding stuff? Yes, because I just like love helping and I love like doing like the crafty stuff.
Mm-hmm. Which I get is not, not everyone’s cup of tea. So I just am like, Hey, if you need extra help, I’m there. Like, let me know what I can do.
Mackenna: Yeah. Well that wedding that I was just in the, like after the rehearsal dinner that night, we all made our own bouquet, so they would all be different and have like our little touch to ’em.
Christa Innis: Oh, I love that. Yeah. That’s a really good idea. I love hearing all these new like trends and ideas for weddings. Mm-hmm. I feel like it keeps kind of evolving. Like when I got married it was a very, like, like I’ve been at weddings where everyone wears the same dress color and style. And then I like, there’s more individuality with dresses now.
Like my wedding, it was like, pick your, I was like, pick your own style and then just in this family of colors. Yeah. And um, now it’s like, pick your own color. Pick your own dress style. And I’m like, I love that. Yeah. I’m not great at like. The visuals, but I love when I see it, I’m like, it looks great. Yeah.
Mackenna: Well that was my friend. She was like, I like this color off of birdie gray. But she said, just get it from Birdie Gray. Get it this color. But whatever style you like that looks on your body will compliment you the best. She’s like, I don’t care. She just, she was like, just bring it to rehearsal dinner and make sure it matches.
Christa Innis: I love that. I did birdie gray too. Birdie gray was so easy. Yes. Like awesome. I tell everybody that. I’m like, I was into weddings where we wore birdie gray and then my own wedding was birdie gray. Yeah. And it just saves the stress of like going to a bridal shop. ’cause I did that for a lot of weddings.
Mm-hmm. And when the bride doesn’t know exactly what they want, you’re all coming out with different dresses that you like for your body type. And then it’s a, it’s a game of like voting, like, yeah. Do you like this better? Do you like this better? I like that color. And like, I’ve literally been to ones where like the bride had no clue, like didn’t know what color or style, which is fine.
But then you’re shopping a long day. Yeah. But it’s exhausting. Yeah. Oh. So when you think back to some of the weddings you’ve been a part of or sessions like, are there any like wild stories or funny stories that come to mind?
Mackenna: Um, well the first one that I always think of, and I’ve told people this before, um, I was like a baby photographer.
I had maybe been doing it six months and my friend, she was like, here, you can use some of my gear and um, you can get used to it and stuff and you can help me second shoot the sweat. Like, I was like, yes, that’s perfect. So we, it was like, um, gosh, maybe an eight hour day or something. I was like, my biggest day I had done yet.
And at the end of the day she had went home. I’d like, we went our separate ways and she got home and her card had corrupted, like her memory card. Oh no. So all the pictures she had was like, from my angle, so. But she, it was good that she had my pictures like that. She had had a second shooter and stuff, but I just felt so bad.
And then obviously the bride and groom were not too happy. Yeah. I mean they at least still had some pictures.
Christa Innis: Right. How does that happen? Like a card getting corrupted? I really
Mackenna: don’t know. Like I’ve heard of it happening before and stuff, and I’ve researched a little bit, so it wouldn’t happen to me, but like, I really don’t, like, I, I’m sure there is a way to avoid it happening, but I think it’s just sometimes, like, I know I’ve heard before, like filling up the memory card, like, and then letting some of the pictures sit in there for a while can cause it.
And there’s a few other, like just your camera in your car not mixing and stuff like that.
Christa Innis: I feel like technology things has to be like some of the scariest. Yeah. Like, I don’t know, like do you ever just like hold your breath after like a wedding, like plug it in, just like hope everything goes okay.
Because yes, I feel like. I’ve talked about it before, but like to me, photography was like the most important vendor at my wedding. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like you just like look back on those, like they’re just all your memories. The day goes so fast. Mm-hmm. You don’t see everything. And like, I love personally looking back at cocktail hour because I wasn’t there.
Right. Like, my husband and I were taking photos mm-hmm. Get our moments together. And so I love seeing the cocktail photos, um, cocktail hour photos of like our family and friends, like interacting and hanging out and looking at the details. And then we had our video videographer take some photo videos too then.
And I loved that because I, I couldn’t be there. Right. And so I feel, I feel like it allows you to feel like you’re at two places at once in a way. Mm-hmm. So I feel like that would be kind of stressful to be like, okay, let’s triple check, make sure everything’s okay. And, and then something’s just happened.
You can’t, you know, you can’t stop
Mackenna: everything from having Oh yeah. Well, I just done an engagement. Mm. It was back during the summer, I feel like maybe May or June. And, um, it was at a pretty popular state park not far from where I live. And uh, it downpour just became a downpour. Like all friends and family were there, you know, we’re all, they’re all in dresses and their hair’s done for pictures and stuff, and downpour.
But like, I feel like that made it special at the same time. ’cause it’s like, you’ll always look back on that, remember? And I don’t know you’ve ever heard the saying, but like, wet knots are harder to untie than, uh, dried knots. And I kept telling ’em that day and stuff, and I, I think it turned out pretty special.
Christa Innis: So while the wedding was going on down port or down, like, were they getting married inside and it was, it was a
Mackenna: surprise engagement.
Christa Innis: Oh, it was a surprising engagement.
Mackenna: Yeah. So the, like, I was there with her family and they were coming from like where they live and they were supposed to be there at a certain time.
And then about a like 15 minutes maybe before they got there. Downpour, just a monsoon. So we’re all like hiding in like my vehicle ’cause she wouldn’t recognize it and stuff. And we’re spraying like that. It’ll settle down for a minute. But the pictures turned out so good.
Christa Innis: Oh, I love that. I’ve been seeing that too, more and more.
Like there was this one wedding, I don’t know where it was, where it started raining and it was not in the forecast, but they still had like some umbrellas to kinda like cover some people but it rained like on the bride and groom. Mm-hmm. And they just like owned it. They just like went into it and it looked so like romantic because it was like her hair was wet and like at the end of the day you can fix up hair after just blow drying.
I mean maybe on someone that just doesn’t care as much about like hair and stuff. But the pictures looked fantastic. Yeah. They had this full backdrop and even though it was raining, it just looked so romantic. Like I think of like a nineties romcom where they kiss in the rain or something. And I was like, I love that.
I thought it looked so beautiful. And I’m sure it’s like stressful at first, you know, seeing the rain. I think if you just kinda like, don’t stress about it or let it just like roll off your back, I think everything can kind of turn out pretty.
Mackenna: Yeah. Well that’s what I was telling her. I was like, you’ll look back at this in 20 years and laugh about it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: Like about how it rained and stuff. I said, y’all, y’all will always remember this.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, for sure. I think people will remember it too as like a fun, like, whoa, like, you know, all these weddings kind of like bunch together being very similar, but you’ll be like, no, I remember that one. Yeah. Yeah.
’cause this is how we handled it and the pictures were amazing and Yeah. No, I love that. Um, okay. That was cool.
The Art of Wedding Photography: Storytelling, Style, and Connection
Okay, so I wanna do this little segment kind of from like your point of view. Okay. It’s called, um, writing. These are different like scenarios and rate them on a scale of one to 10, one being not important and 10 being very important. Okay. Feel free to add context if you’d like as well.
Okay. So on a scale of one to 10, how important is capturing candid natural moments compared to posed shots?
Mackenna: Ooh. My perspective, I think you said tens like you need it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: I would say like probably an eight or nine. I love the candid photos though. I think it shows like very true emotion to it instead of, instead of like your post ones, like everybody does post ones, you know, but candid ones not.
Like everybody has candid moments, but everybody’s candid moments are different.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: So I really like capturing those like, um, for weddings like cake cutting or surprise proposals, like your moment of when. He’s asking you to marry him. Like, I just think that moment is different for everybody.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, I totally agree.
I was saying this recently when I got my wedding photos back, I, the, the post ones were okay, like, I mean, I like ’em. They’re good. I’m, this is nothing against the photographer. She did a great job, but the candid ones were just the ones where I was like, wow, I love that. Yeah, because you could see like emotion, you could see connection.
Um, whereas sometimes I feel awkward or stiff like posing and it was so great seeing the candid ones, like I said, like the happy hour of people just like interacting and people laughing. Like one of my favorite photos, my husband and I, out of all the pose ones, it’s when my, I think it was our maid of honor was giving a speech at the time and we’re laughing and we’re just sitting at the head table laughing and I think it’s so cute.
Um, yeah, I love the, the candid ones. They’re just very real.
Um. How confident are you in matching your photography style to the couple’s overall vision?
Mackenna: Mm. I would say about an eight. Again, because I, that’s like, I pride myself in that is I can do light and airy if you want to, or I can do like dark and moody.
Mm-hmm. It just really depends on what you want. Like I don’t, my editing is just not a base of something. Like I can switch it up if you’d like me to.
Christa Innis: I love that. Did you hear about the, I’m trying to think of where I saw this. It might have been a TikTok drama where a girl sent the photographer, sent the photos and the girl knew exactly what the, the style was gonna be, and then complained about the style and kept asking for raw photos.
And she was like, well, raw, I don’t typically give my clients raw photos. And it turned to be this like whole like TikTok drama. Like what was your, did you see that?
Mackenna: I’m, I did, I’m pretty sure I know which one you’re talking about. Like it was like their wedding thing was like kinda like that Carnival circusy thing.
Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes, yes, yes.
Christa Innis: And she tried making the photographer look bad and I was like, these photo, these photos are beautiful. Like Yeah. When they actually look at the whole album that became public. Yeah. It looked beautiful. Like this photographer did a great job and mm-hmm. It was so terrible of them to pull out a few blurry ones and be like, this is what we got.
And I was like, wait, why are you trying to trash this photographer?
Mackenna: Yeah. Well, I remember vaguely seeing those pictures and I don’t even think like it was a blurred effect. It was that girl’s editing style and I know like she added like a haste to it, or I’ve even seen, I’ve never done this before, but like people will take like the cream colored pantyhose and put over their lens and make it like that.
And that’s what it looked like to me. It didn’t even look like a, like a focus problem or anything. Right. It was just the editing style. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. And it’s like, I always wonder about when people come on the internet to say stuff. I’m like, do they not realize that the one, the vendor’s gonna see it and two, they’re gonna give their side of the story?
Yeah. So I don’t know why. And they even, that girl even like put the photographer’s name out there, like bashing her. Yeah. And um, I felt so bad for the photographer, but now I think like everyone was able to see the truth of like, nope, she did a great job. Like, she even offered on the phone be like, I’ll give you the raw photos.
Um, but you know, typically that’s not. Included in a photography package?
Mackenna: Well, yeah, that’s like in my contract I have like a bunch of stuff listed, but one of them is I will not give raw photos because it’s not that I’m not proud of my work unedited, it’s just I don’t want like for you to post the raw photos and tag me, and then everybody thinks, oh, she just takes the pictures and gives it to ’em.
Like, yes. I always say that pictures or are half of it like taking the pictures. Editing is a whole like, most of my weddings have about a four to six week turnover. Just because like editing is a lot of it. I don’t think people realize that.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And like anyone can pick up a camera and press a button. Right. But it’s the art behind it. Like where are you ang how you angle yourself. The lighting, the, the editing and all that stuff. Like it is an art. And I hate when people come on the internet and act like, it’s like, oh, I could have done a better job. I’m like, no, you probably couldn’t have.
Mackenna: Well, one of, she’s actually took my pictures before.
Uh, we’ve talked about it before and it’s, she was talking about like, anybody can pick up a camera and take pictures and post ’em and then be like, I’m offering services. But it’s like, you gotta build yourself up. And I’m not bashing anybody that’s gonna like start a business or something. It’s just, you gotta build yourself up ’cause I’m self-taught.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: You know, I’ve never took classes or anything. I’ve had, you know, friends help me out with advice and stuff, but I also think that there’s building stones before you start charging people, if doesn’t make sense.
Christa Innis: No. Totally. Yeah. I feel like you definitely start with like, you know, family and friends.
Mm-hmm. And then as you kind of keep growing, you can like charge a little bit more and then you charge a little bit more and then you’re like, okay, I’ve been doing this for 10 years, so I can charge this, you know, whatever it is. Yeah. Um, yeah, for sure. I think it’s a, about like building up your portfolio and mm-hmm.
Like I knew a lot of friends that started off that way, like doing like baby showers or birthday parties. Yeah. Just to like get used to the camera and like playing around with it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s like people don’t realize, like, they think, oh, I’m just paying them to come to the wedding and take snap photos.
It’s like, no, there’s so much more behind it. Yeah. I’m not a photographer and I can, I can see all that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. This one says, um, let’s see.
Okay. How important is storytelling in the way you photograph on a wedding day? Ooh.
Mackenna: That’s probably like a 10 for me. I’m given all these such high scores like that you need them. But I don’t know, it’s just like the, like what I’ve said earlier, you look back on these photos for years and years and years, and you want it to tell your love story.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: Like I’ve had, uh, clients before, like they, you would like walk in to where their ceremony would be and they would have pictures from their relationship. Like they had been dating for golly, like 10 years or something. So there’s pictures of them, literally like in middle school to up to when they got married. And I just, you want that to show in your wedding.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I love that. I love that. Like adding the personality to their wedding. Mm-hmm. Um, because like, especially as a photographer, I’m sure you see so many weddings that like repeat the same themes or colors, which is to totally fine. It’s totally gonna happen.
But then adding those little hinges of like. Personality and like family tradition or whatever that looks like for them, I think is, is really awesome. That’s what’s gonna make them like stand out a little bit. Um, let’s see. How important is it for you to build a relationship with the couple before the wedding day?
Mackenna: Ooh, that’s very important too. I would, I would also probably say like an eight or nine, which with my wedding packages, I offer like a very discounted engagement sessions before then, and also about a week, well, within a month to a week before the wedding, I get on a Zoom call with them. We make a schedule or we’re communicating like we, I haven’t always got on a Zoom call, but we also communicate and we make a schedule before then, because I’ve always had a schedule at weddings that I do, but I’ve known photographers not to, and they’re like, I don’t know why I never made a schedule.
So I always like to communicate with them for obviously the engagement session, I meet them and then making that schedule. I feel like I build a relationship with them also. And also I tell them like, free of charge, message me, ask like vendors that I recommend or this or that. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. I think it’s very important.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. I agree. I was just saying to someone about like, anytime you pick a vendor, it should go both ways. They should make sure you’re a good fit for them and mm-hmm. You should make sure you’re, you are a good fit for them. Did I say that the same way twice? But you know what I mean, like, like I know what you mean.
Yeah. Yeah. Like I’ve had calls with brides ’cause I do weddings very, very rarely now when I have calls with brides, it’s to make sure like, Hey, am I gonna fit all your needs? And like, you know, or do you need someone that’s gonna do A, B and C and I only do A and B, you know, whatever, whatever that looks like.
’cause it wouldn’t be honest or good of me to be like, oh, I can do that when it’s something I’ve never done before. Or it’s something that I don’t typically do. Um, and, you know, vice versa. Like, I want her to look at me and be like, oh, like she can do this, but I really need someone to do this whole thing.
You know, whatever. Um, yeah, I think that’s, that’s really important. Building that relationship. Like that was our photographer built out our whole day of timeline too. And it was so great. Like we’d only met her via Zoom before the actual, um. Wedding day, but because of how attentive she was in emails and the Zoom calls, and we had like a two hour call with her kind of going over the day timeline, which I had never had anyone do, do like, do before at any wedding.
Like a photographer at least. And I was like, that, like was so nice. And she even like, encouraged me to eat during the day. ’cause like when you’re busy doing stuff, you kind of forget to eat. And she was like, Krista, go eat. This is your time. Don’t forget. Yeah. And I’m like, okay. So, um, yeah, that’s so important, building that relationship with your, with your client for sure.
Um, all right. And so we were just kind of talking about this, this last one talks about building timelines.
So you’re, you are pretty involved with building your couple’s timeline for their wedding.
Mackenna: I like to have like, even just like general sessions, I always like, if it’s like a family session and it’s like a big family, like grandparents, grandkids, they’re like kid, you know, like a big family.
I even like to be like, okay, we’re gonna start with. Full family shots and then this family, this family, the grandkids will get one. Like, I don’t know, I guess in some aspects of my life I’m very Type A, but in other aspects I’m very type B. But when it comes to photography, I feel like I’m definitely type A, like making sure all my batteries are charged before sessions and all kinds of stuff, which I’m kind of going away from the question, but yes, I like a schedule with really any of my sessions.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s so important. Like especially I feel like wedding vendors need to be like that, you know? Like that shows good organization, but it also shows that you care about the couple and you want them to have a good experience, or the family, you want them to have a good experience. ’cause I feel like, I feel like so many times, like.
Um, we hear these like horror stories. Maybe it’s a vendor, maybe it’s who know whoever it’s on and it’s like they just didn’t care enough. Or like, they’re like, I’m gonna do things my way when it’s like, it should be a mix. Like, yes, this is what I do typically as a vendor, but okay, this is what you’re looking for on your day.
Okay, let’s kind of interweave them or whatever.
Mackenna: Yeah. That’s what a lot with like some of my wedding couples before, which I’ve done a lot more elopements than I have weddings, I will say. But like still, I’m like, okay, these are the pictures that we’re going to get. You make ’em into a timeline, send it to me, and then I’ll make whatever edits I feel like I need to make and we’ll both approve it.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. So with elopements, do you ever like hear of like family drama or people getting mad about them?
Mackenna: No, not really. So my elopements, I guess. I guess mine are more considered like a micro wedding, but my elopements is up to 25 guests. Okay. So like I have had elopements before where it’s just like the couple and then whoever is marrying them and that’s it.
But I think I’ve only had one of those, but most of my elopements it’s like immediate family like mom, dad, and siblings are there for both sides.
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s cool. Do you, are they like overseas or do you fly to any?
Mackenna: Well, what helps me out is with my location is I’m probably an hour’s drive between like six state parks.
So like a lot of my, like on my Instagram and Facebook, I’ll tag that location and a lot of people find me through that or I’ll put the hashtag of the location and a lot of people find me through that.
Christa Innis: Okay. That’s cool that you can have all these like beautiful different like settings and mm-hmm. Be really aware of like what’s near you.
Yeah. Like engagement photo shoots as well. That’s awesome. Yeah, I was just asking because like I hear of like different stories where families get like they wanna be a part of it, but like maybe the couple just wants to like run off and get engage and not include, not, I shouldn’t say not include anyone, but they just want it to be them.
So I was just curious if like you’re ever brought into that drama or anything?
Mackenna: Yeah. Oh, I’ve always said too, like when I get married one day I wanna do a small wedding, like immediate family. Like I don’t wanna have a big thing and that’s just my personal preference. There’s nothing wrong with a big wedding, but I’ve always said that too. Like I just want something small.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I think it’s so important to know like what you want and like get on that same page as your partner. ’cause I feel like so many people can come in and be like, no, you need that big wedding. Mm-hmm. What if you regret it? And it’s like, but I’ll regret more doing what you want and not what I want.
Yeah. Because I feel like that’s what I see the most is like brides that regret are typically because someone else came in and took over or told ’em they had to do it away. They didn’t want.
Mackenna: Yeah, well one of my really good childhood friends, she just got married this, uh, past summer and what she done is like, um, it was called an I do BBQ.
So like a month before they got married, they had this big, they had rented out a venue, but it was like a big barbecue and it was just all their loved ones, their friends, their family. And then a month, about a month later, they got married in like a small, tiny micro wedding.
Christa Innis: Mm. I love that. Yeah. That’s like what my cousin did.
She, I’m trying to think of the order. Yeah. So she did a big party, um, I wanna say it was like at a public park ’cause she worked for it at the time. Public park had like food trucks and all that stuff. Mm-hmm. All our family like flew in from all over. And then like a month later, maybe her and her husband got married in Ireland.
Mm. And all they, they brought her mom and then my uncle who married them and did the ceremony. Um, so. I thought that was a really cool way of like, still involving everyone in the wedding, but then they gotta do what they wanted, um, in Ireland. Um, and I didn’t feel like, you know, like I missed out on it.
Yeah. Because it was most beautiful photos. She had the most amazing setup and, um, yeah, it was, it was cool to see.
Chaos, Storms, and Laughter: A Wedding Day to Remember
Okay. Let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. I’m excited. There we go. I know. It’s never really know what we’re gonna get here. Okay.
“I was very lucky that in the lead up to my wedding, there wasn’t much drama, but of course there’s always something. On the morning of the wedding, the forecast called for warm, sunny, beautiful weather. Perfect, perfect for an outdoor ceremony. When I arrived at the salon for hair and makeup, it looked exactly like the ideal day we’d hoped for. About halfway through getting my hair done, we suddenly heard a loud bang. We looked outside to see torrential downpour, sheets of rain and thunder and lightning.”
Oh my gosh. It was like what we’re just talking about.
Mackenna: That’s what I was thinking.
Christa Innis: You’re like, oh my gosh, I can picture it. “My weather app still claimed it was sunny and clear. That’s the worst when it’s like the weather has like not caught up on the apps and you’re like, yes, I’m looking. It’s not matching.”
Mackenna: Yes.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. “Until it didn’t. What was supposed to be a perfect day, instantly turned into a flash flooding and a massive thunderstorm. Trying to get from the salon to the car was a disaster. Our umbrella flipped inside out, soaking me and my sister and my four bridesmaids from head to toe right after getting their hair done.”
Mackenna: Oh my gosh. I would be distraught. Nobody talked to me for an hour. Give me some time to just cope.
Christa Innis: Yes, I know. That’s the thing too. It’s like we were talking about earlier, like I’m, you know, seeing all these weddings where it rains. I’m like, oh, it’s so romantic, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say. First it would take me a little bit to.
Mackenna: Oh, me too, me too.
Especially a bit like snuck up, like how it did on her like perfect forecast that morning and then just flash flooding happened. I would, I would be like, everybody just, just gimme 30 minutes. Leave me in this room. I’m gonna, I just, I need time to decompress, maybe pray. Yes. You know, just gimme a second.
Christa Innis: I know like weather is one of those things you can just never predict.
You never know what it’s gonna be like. And if this tells you anything about like my, I shouldn’t say fear of like weather changing. I knew like the venue that I got married at had an outdoor area and indoor and so it was like, I knew I always had a backup plan. Yeah. We got married in March, so we were like pretty sure it’s gonna be indoor.
And even like the front area was where the bridal sleep, sleep suite, bridal suite was. So we got our hair and makeup done. So I never had to even like step foot outside because I was just like, you just never know. And we had every single weather that day. Like when I woke up, it was sunny and kind of chilly, like forties.
Then it ended up, I think it rained a little before the ceremony. Then it ended up snowing later on at night. So like we had every kind of weather. So I was like, okay, well as long as we don’t have to go outside.
Mackenna: My parents, they got married in March too, and they said like the day of their wedding, it was just like a little bit of everything.
Cold, hot, windy. I think it might’ve like sprinkled too. And now like every year on their anniversary. Like, you never know if we’re gonna have snow, if we’re gonna have rain, if it’s gonna be in the seventies. Like we, we just don’t know.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. It’s so, it’s so wild. Yeah, because our, our one year anniversary, my daughter was born a little before our one year anniversary, so I’ll never forget that week.
And it, we, it was like three feet of snow outside when the day before I must just spilled my coffee when the day before it was like raining in like 50 degrees.
Mackenna: So that happened. They went to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I don’t know if you know where that’s at. Yes. Uhhuh. Um, for their anniversary one year.
And they said like, they got down there and it was nice and warm. It was like 60 seventies maybe. They went to bed that night at the hotel. Woke up the next morning and it was like half a foot of snow. And they were just like, uh, well, like, I think they may have planned to go hiking that day or something, but they were like, we’re kind of stuck.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I hate that. So hard to plan for that.
Um, okay, so she says, so “she got soaked head to toe, her bridesmaids and her sister on the drive to the venue. We passed similar cars, stuck in flood water, and the roads completely closed because the rivers had overflowed. So this is like a storm. Storm. This is bad.
Ah, really bad. I wonder where this was. “We got to the venue later than planned only to learn that my soon-to-be husband and groomsmen weren’t there yet. I went straight to the bridal suite to try to fix my hair and makeup when the, oh, she had already had her makeup done too. While my maid of honor called to find out where they were.
They were still in the hotel and had no idea about the weather. They tried calling for a taxi, but it took 20 minutes before one finally showed up. They made it to the venue only about five minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin.” Oh my gosh. That’s. Oh my gosh. I would be, I would be.
Mackenna: That’s one of those times it’s like, do you just push your timeline back an hour?
Because you gotta think if they’re running late, all their guests, you’re probably running late and then that’s messing with your caterer, your photographer. You’re just, you, you as a bride or groom, it’s, Ooh, that’s a messy situation.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. It’s like one of those like quick calls of like, okay, can we push this back a little bit?
And yeah. Because I feel like, yeah, if the groomsmen who are like important in the wedding, the groom aren’t there, maybe we can like push it back just slightly. Yeah. Yeah. “Surprisingly, the ceremony only started five minutes late, but even then things didn’t go smoothly. The officiant of accidentally said, my maid of honors name instead of my partners turning the vows.”
Mackenna: Oh, wow. Mm.
Christa Innis: Oh, no. I always like cringe when I hear stories like this, like that. They say like the wrong name. Yeah. Or they pronounce it wrong. I feel like it’s a officiants job to triple check names and how to pronounce them. Mm-hmm. And this sounds to me like maybe the officiant didn’t know them personally or meet with them before.
Mackenna: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Because like we met our officiant, like at least on Zoom multiple times before I spoke to her on the phone. So she had like practiced our, like she knew our names. Yeah, yeah. But oh my gosh. “And while signing the marriage license, my brother-in-law signed the wrong spot. Thankfully, someone caught it or our certificate would’ve been a void.
Oh my gosh. After the ceremony, the storm finally passed, so we were able to take photos outside. This actually turned out to be a blessing because the post storm sky and the slightly damp surroundings created the most beautiful backdrop.” I love that.
Mackenna: Yeah.
Christa Innis: “The dress did get a little muddy, but nothing major dinner, dancing and the reception were going perfectly, aside from my brother and one of the bridesmaids accidentally eating my dinner when I was busy greening guests, still I was having the time of my life.”
How do you accidentally eat someone else at dinner?
Mackenna: Yeah, that’s like when I, or like when I’m a photographer or when I was in that wedding, uh, in September, I’m always like, make the bride and groom a plate. Set it at their chair, like put a napkin over it or something so nobody will touch it. Yeah, because they need to eat.
I mean, they’ve been probably stressed out all day. They need to eat something.
Christa Innis: I know the amount of weddings I heard where people were like, I was too stressed or like running around. I never ate. And I’m like, what? Like you need to eat.
Mackenna: In my camera, in my camera bag. I keep little granola bars and I think I maybe have like some gummy packs or something because if I do shoot a wedding or something, or like even like if I travel somewhere to take pictures, I like to have little snacks for me or the people I’m taking pictures of.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Have you ever had, sorry, this is like a side question. Have you ever had a, like a wedding that you’ve been to where they like don’t set aside time for you to eat dinner as well?
Mackenna: Um, I almost all of them set aside a time for me to eat. ’cause it’s in my contract that I have like 30 minutes to eat. But usually the wedding gets so crazy that my 30 minutes turns into like 10 minutes.
Right. Just because like there’s so many moments that like, even though like literally just 30 minutes I have set aside to eat, there’s stuff going on during that. So usually I just make a plate, scarf it down real fast, and then I’m back to taking pictures. So even though in my contract it’s 30 minutes, it’s usually I take about 10 just to eat something real fast.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s hard to like sit and allow yourself to like sit when other things are like Yeah. Going on around you. Yeah. Um, no, I totally get that. I, I heard like horror stories from vendors. I was actually, when I was a day of coordinator at a wedding not too long ago, I was sitting at the table with a photographer and videographer and dj, and the one photographer was talking about this wedding she went to where they treated her like scum.
They were like, I was not allowed to be sat in the same room as the guests and the bride. They shoved me in a room, no chairs, no tables, and had me sit on the floor and I got like a leftover plate. You said that was the photographer? The photographer was telling me this and she was like, sometimes you get, she’s like, I got treated horribly at this wedding.
I couldn’t wait to go home. I was like, that’s awful. And I’ve heard this like drama on social media where it’s like, I don’t know if it was another vendor talking about it, but she was like, I was at a wedding once where they did not wanna pay for me to eat. And I said, if you don’t like allow me to sit down and get like a little tiny break, I’m gonna have to leave.
They’re like, well, you can leave and get something and come back. Like so they were like. I don’t know. I don’t get that of like, yeah.
Mackenna: Well even your fir, like you said that that photographer was telling you like they put her in a back room. It’s not even like that. She was gonna mess up the aesthetic of the pictures ’cause she’s literally the photographer.
Like, exactly. That makes no sense to me. That is crazy.
Christa Innis: I know, and like my photographer had told me like, she’s like, I typically, ’cause I had a buffet at my wedding and she’s like, I’ll go up, you know, with the other vendors like right after you. That way like, she’s like, ’cause you don’t want photos of you eating anyways.
And I’m like, yeah. She’s like, so like I’ll eat while you eat and then when you’re done by that point it’ll be speeches and I’ll be like ready to take pictures again. I was like, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. And I literally kept telling her, I was like, and take your time. Like I’m not gonna be like on you or crazy like, oh you’re eating more.
Like please eat. Like yeah, that’s what it’s here for. And like I wanted my vendors to feel as like. A part of the day as like anyone else, like when we had breakfast delivered in the morning, I was like, here, grab coffee, grab a sandwich. Like whatever you want, because they’re there to make your day beautiful. Why treat them like they’re like horrible people or Yeah, like scum. Like I don’t, yeah,
Mackenna: well like even some weddings that I’ve done, like if I know the caterers, I’ve worked with ’em before. I’m like, can y’all make me a plate and just set it to the side? Or like, I’ve done some weddings like where I’ve known like the family and like the bridesmaids and the groomsmen.
Like my whole life actually I’ve done that this summer, is my cousin was one of the bridesmaids and I was like, can you make me a plate when you go up there and just set it to the side somewhere? And she’s like, yeah, I’ll like you one.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. Okay, so this says, “so we’re back at, um, dinner, dancing and reception went perfectly until they ate her food, right?
Still I was having the best time of my life. As the sun began to set, our photographers took us outside for sunset photos. We also planned to take sparkler photos once it got dark, but right as we set up, the wind picked up sharply. The sky turned green and the downpour returned.”
Mackenna: Oh, like when the inside stuff’s happening, we’re gonna have great weather.
Christa Innis: I know.
Mackenna: And if you just don’t wanna go outside.
Christa Innis: It’s just like, no, don’t come outside. But I was like, at first I was like, Ooh, the sky turned green. That could be, yeah.
Mackenna: Maybe that’ll look good.
Christa Innis: Yeah. “Later we found out that a tornado had touched down less than a kilometer from the venue. People say rain on your day.
People say, rain on your wedding day is good luck. But what does a tornado mean? To this day, we joke about the terrible storms that they’re our favorite part because they remind us of our wedding like we were talking about. And the chaos didn’t end there. After the wedding, we learned that one of the groomsmen.
Got two of the three underage guests drunk. My 90-year-old grandfather took a wrong turn and ended up driving across the venues lawn.” Oh no. Why is the 90-year-old grandfather driving after the wedding? Yeah.
Mackenna: That he needs a caretaker. Somebody the least driving.
Christa Innis: Yes. Let’s get, let’s take care of grandpa.
Grandpa. Um, “and several guests who had been cut off by the bartender decided to go upstairs and crash another wedding.” Oh. So there’s multiple weddings going on at this venue?
Mackenna: I have never heard that. Like multiple weddings at, at the same day, at the same venue. I’ve never heard that.
Christa Innis: I’ve been to like, I’m trying to think.
I’ve been to one, um, really big one in the city in Chicago and it, I wanna say it was, oh yeah, it was connected to a hotel and they had like two or three weddings at the same time. But it was huge. So you didn’t even know the other one was going on. Um, but. To where it’s like easily accessible. Yeah. I go to go upstairs and crash their wedding.
Mackenna: Like it’s like are y’all mingling on accident? Like is it makes me think too, like is there multiple bathrooms? Is there a bathroom on each floor? Are y’all having to go up and down the steps? Yeah. I have never heard of that though.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Mackenna: Yeah. Learn something new every day.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. “Despite everything, we’re still happily married and about to celebrate our eight year reunion with two eight year, eight year anniversary with two kids.
You can’t control the weather or the random drama but it sure makes for an unforgettable story.” I love that. I know too. No, that was a really good story. I feel like for especially having you as a photographer come on and like react to it. ’cause it has to do with like photos and stuff.
Like what do you think you would do in that situation if it just started down pouring?
Mackenna: Uh, I know like most venues that I’ve like shot at. Done weddings or like even like content days or anything, have some type of like, either it’s just like a, almost like a garage type. It’s just got a roof on it. That way you can still let the nitro lighting in or we can even go inside to like the groom suite or the bride suite and we can make it good.
Like I’ve got like the external flash on my camera and stuff. Like you are gonna have good pictures is what I’m trying to get at. It might not go exactly how you planned, but I mean, does any wedding have no drama and nothing happened? I feel like No, exactly.
Christa Innis: I know. I was just saying, I’m like. Someone told me before I got married, they’re like, something’s gonna go wrong.
It might be big, it might be small, but something will go wrong. And you just have to like deal with it. Like at least I think someone said like, three little things will go wrong, whatever. Mm-hmm. So I went into the day being like, something, something’s gonna go wrong. It is what it is. And someone like little things happen, which I can’t even, I’m sure if I really thought about it, I could think of something, but like there was nothing so major that I was like, oh, it ruined my day.
Yeah. And I think it allows you to also be like, you know what, nothing is a hundred percent perfect. It’s not gonna be like, you know, sunshine and rainbows all day. There are some things that are gonna be like, oh, that was, that sucks that that happened, but whatever. So I think her attitude says everything.
Like she was like, you know what? It is what it is. I’m gonna fix up my hair and makeup. I’m still marrying the love of my life. Yeah. We’re gonna have a beautiful day. And now they look back on it and they’re like, that’s pretty funny that that happened. Yeah. And we’re gonna have these funny photos of like, maybe our hair was a mess.
Maybe there was some tears shed that she didn’t talk about. But at the end of the day. It was an awesome day.
Mackenna: Yeah. Well, bouncing off like what you said, I feel like you want your weight, obviously to go as good as it can go and like how you wanted it. But like you said, it’s about you and your groom and the love that y’all share and that you’re continuing it.
Like if it rains, if this happens, if that happens, it’s about y’all too. You know what I mean?
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. I feel like a lot of these stories, like people get hung up and I shouldn’t say like, this is not saying like the big drama with like family. I get that’s, that’s a lot to deal with and it’s very complicated.
But some of the drama that I read about people get hung up on little things in Let it ruin their day. And it’s like, it really does come down to like your attitude. Like focus on what’s the goal of the day? Are you surrounded by family and friends that you love, that love you and support you and your partner?
Are you, you know, um, are you happy that someone was able to fly and like focus on the things that you are like. Happy about in the day. Mm-hmm. And then the little things, you know, won’t matter if you’re like a little behind in schedule or maybe someone couldn’t make it to the rehearsal or, um, whatever it is.
It’s like, it really does come down to like, some of that stuff just doesn’t matter. Like really. Like of course, like if there’s someone being disruptive and being rude and trying to ruin your day, then like, yeah, let’s deal with that. Yeah. But for the most part, um, little things I think we can like just let it brush off and focus on what’s important.
Yep. I agree. I loved that story.
DIY Wedding Confessions: When Creativity Meets Chaos
Okay. I always like to end these with confessions that people send me on Instagram. So this is for DIY weddings edition. Have you been a part of any DIY weddings?
Mackenna: Um, I’d say the one that I was kind of, or I was the maid of honor was kind of DIY. Like she bought a lot of her stuff at like, I guess like.
I don’t know what you would call ’em. Like she got a lot of her flowers and things from like Ollie’s and Hobby Lobby and she found a lot of stuff at like TJ Maxx and things like that. She like a lot of her decor and stuff she done on her own.
Christa Innis: I love that.
Mackenna: So I would say yes. I mean, not all of it, but yes, some of it.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I was just saying this too, like I feel like if you enjoy doing that, by all means you should do it. Um, ’cause like I, like I made a lot of my own signs ’cause I love that stuff. Yeah. Like, I love, like using cricket, I love, like, I remember like handwriting, um, like our table assignments, you know, and that was like fun for me to be able to see.
And then I like painted the backs of ’em, but I feel like some people do it to save money. And then ultimately the time that’s spent, and then it’s something they don’t enjoy. It just becomes like a stressor. Yeah. So I feel like it’s good to like, know yourself in those moments of being like, do I enjoy this?
Yeah. Is it actually gonna save me money? Is it gonna make me more stressed? Do I have to pull in all family members and bridesmaids and groomsmen to help me? Or can, can I do a lot of it myself or with another person? Yeah. Um, ’cause I’ve been a part of those too, where they just then expect all family and friends to come in.
Yeah. And then it’s a, it’s a big ask. Um, so you would just hope you have like supportive family and friends that also enjoy doing it. Yeah.
Okay. So this says, made all the food the day before, 19 days after my c-section, only for most people not to turn up to the reception.
Mackenna: Oh. Oh. I like, I feel like you have a, a child, right?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Mackenna: Okay. I feel like you might be able to answer this better because like 19 days, like you’re still, you’re postpartum that that’s literally what you are. And to do all that and then nobody show up. Oh, wow. Because like my, one of my really good friends will actually, the one I was talking about earlier that just got into photography, she had a baby and she had a C-section.
And like, I remember going and seeing her like 19 days after and I just couldn’t imagine like getting up and cooking just food. Like I could not imagine it.
Christa Innis: No. And c-section is, the recovery is so much harder than, I didn’t have a c-section, but I had friends that had C-sections and you are like, I wanna say six weeks is your full recovery.
Mm-hmm. I mean, they’re cutting like a, you have a dinner plate size cut in you. Yeah. Right? And so you’re not supposed to be up and down, you’re not supposed to be lifting stuff. And so the fact that she made all the food before. Yeah, that’s, yeah. That’s just wild. She’s like superwoman. Literally. Yeah.
Literally. It makes me want to, like who said they were coming and then just didn’t show up?
Mackenna: Yeah, because like that would, ’cause I’m obviously, I’m sure if she’s cooking and she’s, what was it, 16 po days postpartum? 19. 19. Like I’m sure it wasn’t her wedding, but like as the bride, I would probably be mad too if they RSVP’d and I bought all this food and then somebody that I’m very close with cooked all of it and then you just don’t show up.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know. You bring up a good point. ’cause I read it as she was, uh, the bride, but you’re probably right. She might have just been a bridesmaid or been Yeah. Uh, part of the wedding in some way. Mm-hmm. And I’m like, who’s asking a postpartum mom that just had a C-section? Unless she offered, I guess that’s different.
But if I, one of my friends had a C-section and like I needed something done. I don’t think I would ask them or I’d be like, don’t worry about it.
Mackenna: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like, we’re not gonna have you up and cooking for this. Yeah. Um, this one says, distant friends started treating my family who were helping set up as workers.
Mackenna: Ooh. I feel like I’d have to say something to that friend and just be like, Hey, like just chill out. If it’s gonna just go with the flow, it’s gonna go how it goes. Like if you need their help, ask, but don’t be bossing them around.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve seen this happen at a wedding and it’s really disappointing because the people that offer to help do to other kindness of their hearts, they don’t have to be there.
It’s not their kids’ wedding. And then when they’re not properly like thanked or like treated like family or like treated like guests, that’s hard because they’re like, why did I go outta my way to help when I’m not actually gonna be like. Respected. I don’t know. Or like Yeah, highly treated. It’s that like wait staff thing, like if someone treats wait staff poorly because they’re a server.
Mm-hmm. That’s like a big red flag in my book. Like, doesn’t matter anyone’s job or position you treat ’em with kindness.
Mackenna: That was, that was my first job, was a waitress. And it was just crazy the way that people would treat me. And I was like, I’m literally like, I would never do anything, but I’m handling your food and you’re treating me like I, I’m, I’m nobody like, you know what I mean? It was just crazy.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah. My first job ever, I was a hostess and since then, I mean I did, I’ve done, um, serving cocktail server and bar bartender, but the hostess, oh my gosh, people were so mean to me. I was 16 years old. And I had people like, um, come get into my face and tell me. I was like, purposely not seating them like we were.
I worked at a busy Irish pub and people would get into my face, they would scream at me. Yeah. And I was like, I’m like, I have a busy restaurant. I don’t know. And and servers too would yell at me. They’d be like, you didn’t seat someone in my section?
Mackenna: I’m like, I’m trying to go through the rotation. Yeah.
Well, like I would have like 50-year-old men and women like chew me out and I’m like, I’m 16. Like, I’m sorry, like, just cut me some slack. Please.
Christa Innis: Yes. I always like to let people know, like if I go to a restaurant, like I’m not one that’s gonna yell at you. Like, my husband and I have both worked in the restaurant industry and like if something takes long and they come up, they’re like, I’m so sorry.
I’m like, you are good. You take your time. You don’t ever have to apologize to me. I get it. Or if at a coffee shop I’ve had them be like, I’m, I’m sorry. I’ll get you in a minute. You take your time. Like seriously, we’re not on fire. We’re not gonna like decombust if you don’t come to us soon. Yeah. You’re safe.
You’re safe here. Yeah. Um, all right, we’ll do one more. Um, let’s see. My mom made her own dress. The colors and the pattern were hideous. I almost made her change. Ooh, it’s very DIY. Yeah.
Mackenna: Mm. That’s your mom and like, oh my. Oh, I don’t know what I would do. I guess I would have to know the relationship that you had with your mom because like my relationship with my mom, I’d just be blunt and be like, you gotta change the pattern or something.
But like, I can see some people just being like, oh, it’s okay. But yeah. I don’t know.
Christa Innis: I feel like if you didn’t see it until the day of, there’s like not a whole lot you can do. Yeah. If she showed you before, like, this is the pattern I’m gonna use, and you’re like, oh, maybe let’s try finding a pattern together.
Like you could really watch her, but if she just comes out on the day and like, I made this and you didn’t realize, kind of stuck.
Mackenna: Yeah, that is true. Oh, I don’t know what I would do, Dan.
Christa Innis: And if, and if she’s someone too that like has her own style and makes her own clothing, it’s kind of one of those things and, and you have a good relationship.
It’s kinda those things. I’d be like, you can look back on photos and be like, that’s my mom. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, um, I just read a story where it was like the grandparents, like were motorcycle riders and they came directly from their motorcycle trip to the wedding covered in denim and like leather.
And they’re like, they didn’t bring clothes to change into. I was kind of like. That’s your grandma grandpa style? Yeah. You just gotta let them own it. I mean, yeah, it might suck for some photos, but that’s their vibe. Like, like I have aunts and uncles that like wear tie dye and I’m like, that was always their vibe.
And I’m just like, I don’t think I would be like, go change. Yeah. I don’t know. Teach their own. All right. Well thank you so much for coming on you. It was so great meeting you and um, I know it was kinda like a last minute thing, but I feel like I need to do stuff like this more often because this was like so fun.
Mackenna: Yeah, yeah. Well I literally, so I’m not much of a music listener. I love podcasts and yours is one of mine that’s in my rotation.
Christa Innis: Oh, yay. I love that.
Mackenna: Yeah. And I, so I was so excited ’cause like my boyfriend, like. Uh, my phone always connects to his CarPlay in his truck, and I’m listening to your podcast sometimes, and I was like, do you know this podcast? I like, I’m going on it. I love it.
Christa Innis: Yay. That’s awesome. Yeah. No, I’m so glad this worked out. And like I said too, having like a photographer on, you’re like, well in the industry and so it’s cool just to like hear your perspective as well. Yeah. Um, so no, this was awesome. I’m glad it, glad it worked out. And where, where can everyone follow you?
What’s your business name and all that good stuff?
Mackenna: So my business name’s Max Max Photography. Uh, my Instagram is underscore underscore max photography. And then my Facebook is just max photography. Awesome. And then I don’t have a TikTok or anything. I have a personal one. I need, I probably need to get on that.
Christa Innis: Yes. You gotta start making some TikTok content for your photography. ’cause Yes, I need to showcase your portfolio and I feel like that’s the best spot to go to go viral and all that stuff. Yeah. So much for.
The MOH Who Quit by Text, Tough Truths, and Vendor Confessions with Bethy Abdissa
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Not all wedding horror stories start at the altar… some start with a “best friend” and a suspicious text message.
This week, Christa sits down (again!) with wedding planner Bethy Abdissa for a raw, honest, and slightly unhinged look at what really happens behind the scenes… and yes, they dive headfirst into another jaw-dropping story that had them both saying: I’m sorry… WHAT?
From timeline disasters to emotional design moments (sticky note love letters on cocktail napkins?!) Bethy gives the inside scoop on what couples get right, and where things spiral fast. And when Christa reads a listener’s submission about a maid of honor who drops out via text? Let’s just say… the tea is piping hot.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
02:13 Diving into the Wedding Industry
03:23 Challenges of Wedding Planning
12:22 The Realities of DIY Weddings
18:00 Navigating Wedding Drama
35:56 The Joke That Went Too Far
37:24 Maid of Honor Drama Unfolds
41:12 The AI-Generated Message
52:28 To Invite or Not to Invite?
59:07 Wedding Vendor Confessions
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- MOH Drops It Like A Hot Potato – A maid of honor quits via text and the bride’s friendship spiral gets put under the microscope.
- Vendor Confessions From Hell – Real stories of photographers missing key moments and caterers showing up painfully late.
- Stress vs Preparedness – Why the brides who feel a little stressed are usually the most on top of their planning.
- Overstepping vs Support – When “helpful” bridesmaids cross the line and create more tension than peace.
- Emotional Design Done Right – From recreated love notes on napkins to guest experiences that hit straight in the feels.
- The 45-Wedding Summer – Bethy’s busiest season yet and the chaos that comes with it.
- Why You NEED a Coordinator – The forgotten hero who keeps your wedding from imploding in real time.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “That should be a T-shirt: DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.” – Christa Innis
- “If they’re a little too calm, I start getting nervous.” – Christa Innis
- “People always need something to pick at. It’s emotional support cheese.” – Christa Innis
- “You never notice delays… until you’re cold and starving at your table.” – Christa Innis
- “Those extra set of hands come very handy.” – Christa Innis
- “If the caterer is two hours late, you just start praying.” – Bethy Abdissa
- “No stop means I can get you to 125K real quick.” – Bethy Abdissa
- “Flexibility matters, but boundaries matter more.” – Bethy Abdissa
- “I avoided that DJ like the plague.” – Bethy Abdissa
- “You’d rather lose a vendor than lose your coordinator.” – Bethy Abdissa
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Bethy
Bethy Abdissa is a dynamic wedding planner, content creator, and entrepreneur with a passion for storytelling and cultural inclusivity. Originally from Ethiopia, she moved to the United States 15 years ago and began her professional journey in finance and accounting. After realizing the corporate world wasn’t her calling, Bethy took a bold leap in 2022 to pursue her true passion: event planning.
With over three years of experience as a wedding planner and a lifelong love for party planning, Bethy now specializes in coordinating weddings across the U.S., particularly in the DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Minneapolis areas. She’s also diving into the world of content creation—sharing makeup tips, hair styling, wedding insights, and self-development reflections through her TikTok channel, @Bethy_Creates. Long term, Bethy is working toward becoming a therapist, bringing her full-circle journey of creativity, empathy, and purpose to life.
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Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a great episode for you today. My wonderful friend Bethy is back. We had so much fun last time that I thought it was the perfect time to have her back on again. She has been a wedding planning for.
She has been a wedding planner for three years now and doing party planning for many years beyond that, she has a background in finance and accounting, but quit that life because she hated it. We actually met many, many years ago. We worked in the same office and she did accounting then when she was in grad school, and it was a pretty toxic job, but I’m so glad for it because that’s when we were connected those many years ago.
She not as many she does now. She not does content creations sharing, makeup sharing. She now also does content creation, sharing makeup, and a little behind the scenes in her wedding approach as well. We had so much fun hanging out and reacting to a wild wedding story per usual, but this one was a little bit different.
There was a lot of discussion to be had, and I’m still not completely convinced who the villain was in the story. So, that all being said, thanks for hanging out with me today and enjoy this episode
Christa Innis: Hi Bethy. Thanks for coming back.
Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Christa, for having me again.
Christa Innis: Of course. I feel like we just had so much fun last time, like catching up and hanging out. ’cause anyone that didn’t listen to last time, we worked together so long ago and then randomly I was scrolling on TikTok and I was like, that’s Bethy! Like, oh my gosh. It was such a toxic job that we worked out together. And so it was one of those where it was like, I like had always hoped to like see you again. And so it was like such a pleasant surprise to see you on the phone.
Bethy Abdissa: You, too. Yeah, I, when I saw you and I saw your channel and it was weddings, I was like, okay, this is kind of full circle.
’cause we were both, I was in finance and you were in marketing. Uh, and we all, both turned out to be somehow in the wedding industry. So…it’s funny.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like I’m like wedding adjacent now though, like I talk about weddings on here. I just changed my handle actually, because so many people thought I was a wedding planner, which
Bethy Abdissa: Finding planner. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I was like, ah, no I’m not. But I have been involved in a lot of weddings and events, so I just changed it. ’cause I feel like I’m, like, if anyone has real wedding questions, I’m like, ask a real wedding planner. Like ask Bethy, ask Wedding Pro casts. You know, like there’s all these other people I refer them to now because I’m like, I know what I would do, but I would not consider myself a professional in the wedding industry. I do like day coordinating here and there, and I’ve helped with like baby showers and bridal showers. Yeah. And enough blabbing of me
Bethy Abdissa: Oh, that’s good. Yeah.
Christa Innis: It was kind of funny that we both kind of just like made our way into like weddings and stuff. I still do social media stuff, of course, like marketing, but, um, it’s different.
Chaos, DIY Disasters, and Planner Wisdom with Bethy Abdissa
How is your like wedding event planning business going? Like any, any wild things going on there?
Bethy Abdissa: Oh, yes. So I probably had the busiest summer yet. I think between me and my team and my business partner, we did around, I would say 45 ish, uh, weddings this past season.
And I have my last four this summer. Yeah. Uh, I have my last one coming up in a few days, uh, for the season. So I’m wrapping up everything in November.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, that is amazing. So, are you talking like multiple weddings in a week? Are you talk like, how is that even possible?
Bethy Abdissa: So I would say about 50 to 70% of them are day of coordinating, um, gigs. But all of our day coordinating starts a month, even five weeks before. So, uh, I’m talking multiple meetings in a week. ’cause um, I’ve had, I’ve had, I think the, the least weddings I’ve had is just one wedding a weekend. Um, but like, I’ve had three weddings in a weekend. Um, back to back to back to back. That’s like almost 14 hours each day. Oh, yeah. I, it was. I think I, I didn’t, I didn’t fully conceptualize what it meant until like, the end of the season and I was like, oh my God, I did these many weddings. But like every weekend, like it’s, you know, trying to figure out what outfit to wear, ’cause you, you have another wedding tomorrow and the day after and you don’t wanna come at 1:00 AM and try to plan anything the next day. So it’s just like that. And you know, I also do content creation, so trying to incorporate that. And I still have so many weddings to post ’cause I wasn’t able to keep up.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Are you just like completely spent after a three day or three wedding day? Weekends?
Bethy Abdissa: So Mondays I usually like, don’t have any meetings.I block everything out. I literally, my body is like, what did you do to me? So Monday is like a complete rest day. And then I get back to my meetings and everything on Tuesday. So. Yeah, it completely wiped. But on the day, like I’m on my feet, um, minimum I was doing is like 15, 17 K steps a day. So I guess I got my workout in.
Christa Innis: Oh my.Do you take like, like, okay, how do you get ready for the day and then throughout the day, how do you like, get moments of rest? And you might laugh being like, wait, what do you mean moments of rest? Like, do you like make sure you eat something? Do you, like, do you get to sit down? Like for the dinner? Like what are you doing to like, make sure you’re like checking in with yourself?
Bethy Abdissa: So for like, depends on the wedding. I can tell before the wedding if it’s gonna be, um. A chill wedding or if it’s gonna be, um, I’m definitely not going to eat anything, so I’ll probably eat in the morning and probably not eat the whole day. So like I kind of can guesstimate what kind of wedding it will be.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Um, and the thing is, like if it’s a stressful wedding, even if there is food, like I just can’t eat personally. I just, I’m not the type to sit down, relax and eat. Um, so I kind of like plan on it. It’s almost like my adrenaline is so high that I can’t eat. You know? But before like, um, taking breaks, it’s not more so intentional. I just see the vibe of the wedding. I, you know, I check on the bride and see, ‘hey, is everything okay?’ You know, just making, once I get, like I would say right after the dances is when I get to kind of sit down.
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Around 9:30, 9 o’clock-ish when I get to sit down and then by 11 I start breaking down some things. Um, midnight is, you know, usually between midnight and one o’clock is when the wedding’s over and then say my goodbye.
Christa Innis: So that’s like built into your contract typically like if you are a wedding planning or day of coordinating or both, you’re always there the before.
Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: Because if they don’t, and, and, and depends on like if they needed me earlier, ’cause it is for 12 hours and if it’s more than 12 hours, they have to pay extra.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Um, so. I tell them you have 12 hours, however you spread out, that 12 hours is completely up to you. But I feel more relieved if, if I am at the end of the day, um, there, because there is a lot of like, they, you know, logistical things like, oh, did you know every, did, did they pack the gifts?
Right. You know, um, is the money with the right person and you know, the guest books, all that stuff. Just making sure I hand it off to someone. There is maybe one or two weddings where I left early because they needed me earlier during the day so that 12 hour mark was over. But then I made sure, like I at least had an assistant after me that stayed over ’cause they would pay me more than they would pay my assistant.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So when you’re doing these weddings, you have an assistant with you, at least one other person with you?
Bethy Abdissa: Depends on the package. Yeah. So if they, if I, if I can estimate that, like, oh, setup is gonna probably take more time. I say, Hey, I need an assistant, and they pay for the assistant.
Bethy Abdissa: sSo I, yeah, that’s an extra fee for that.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Kind of like how a photographer might as well bring like a second photographer or something like that. Mm-hmm. Wow,
Bethy Abdissa: girl. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like mid, yeah. Majority of it. I actually did it by myself this summer, but I, I had maybe three or four weddings where I had an assistant.
Christa Innis: Wow. And when you say like summer, are you starting, like, starting like May as like, as like wedding season? In the summer? Are you mean like summer months? Like actually,
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So wedding started my f well, okay. I would say my team did a wedding without me. And so, you know, I, I also do Maryland, DC Virginia. My business partners in the East Coast, so we do both areas. Um, she did one wedding in January, so, um, there was one wedding in January and then hopped to, uh, we started starting March, March, April, um, and then May is when it gets busy.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Crazy wedding season.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: Interestingly, August is actually a very off season.
Christa Innis: . Interesting. Do you think that’s because it’s really hot most places or they’re getting back to school, that kind of stuff?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so it’s really, um, it really hot or it really rains a lot of places. Um, even venues with pricing August can be cheaper.
Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I know like where, where I got married off season. What if you got married April or January through April? It was like a cheaper price. We got, we picked a March date. ’cause you could save, but like, yeah. It’s also like cold where I live. So they’re like, they’re like June, July and August like was their prime, but, or may, may, June, July, August.
May, June, July.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So August and November are considered like mid-season.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Bethy Abdissa: And then you have actually the high seasons are, um, September and October. I was insane. Insane. I did I think seven or eight weddings in September.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That makes sense. I feel like the most weddings I’ve been to have been in September.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s a very popular season.
Bethy Abdissa: Very.
Christa Innis: September and, and October is, I feel like good weather. It’s so pretty too, if you’re like outside or heavy view of outside.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Maybe because honestly like the, maybe it’s just, ’cause the older I get, some are weddings, they’re a doozy. They’re not, it’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard. Especially like if, I’m sure if you’re working when you’re running around, but like sitting there like I’ve been to a weddings like outdoor in July, out in the blazing sun. And it’s just like, when’s this over? Like, it’s, it’s hard.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I have horror, like horror stories. Like this summer I did a back to back wedding in Wisconsin. Um, and it was 97 and a hundred degrees. Um, the first wedding was where it was 90. It was like, I think a hundred between nine, seven and a hundred degrees. It was completely out, like both the ceremony and the reception was outside. Mm.
Bethy Abdissa: No air ventilation, no ac It was a pavilion. I cooked the whole day.
That’s all I’m going through.
Christa Innis: Was that June?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. We, I, I live in Wisconsin. I think you knew that. Um, yeah. Yeah. We had a wildly hot summer. I remember we were supposed to go to a birthday party, a first, uh, a 1-year-old birthday party at the end of June. And we had every intention of going, but it was gonna be two hours away. I had, at that time, I had, she was almost, almost two and a half at that point. But we were gonna have to drive two hours. It was gonna be a hundred degree day, and it was at a park, and I made a last call decision. I was just like, I’m, I’m not gonna go. I don’t even know how that’s gonna work. I mean, my husband ended up going, ’cause there was, it was a family party, but I was like, I’m gonna take my 2-year-old in a car for two hours to a outdoor birthday party.That’s a hundred degrees. That just sounds miserable to me.
Bethy Abdissa: It is. And the bride couldn’t stay, like when the reception started, she’s like, I wanna take my dress off. So. That’s pretty much like the, I, I think like when you’re thinking about when in the planning season, and that’s why, like, I really encourage people like brides having a, a full planner because these are things we talk about when we are doing the full planning.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Um, once the day you get, you hit the day of coordination, I’m just there to facilitate what you’ve planned. Right. Right. So, and I see a lot of holes in the, in the planning, but it’s almost like I’m just mitigating what I can save on the day. Um, so like thinking about June and it’s a pavilion, like there’s no, like all the decor was flying, right? Like, uh, these are things that I’m like. So, uh, I am like, what the decor is flying and these are things that I’m like, like what? There’s on the day, like I can fix it and everything, but like, that’s why, like if you’re having a full planner, it’s also like the guest experience, like. Yes, you’re saving money, sort of, it’s not even that cheap, to be honest, to have a wedding outside. Uh, I did the math and I was like, you might as well have it inside. Um, but it’s like the guest experience is very important. Like I, not only do I have to deal with the planning and, you know, making sure everything’s okay, but guests are coming to me and be like, this, you know, it’s so hot. And like, and it’s like they’re, they’re looking at me as if I find it and I’m like, no, it’s not me. You know?
Christa Innis: As if you can solve the world problems in that.
Bethy Abdissa: Yes, yes.
Christa Innis: So, oh my gosh. Yeah, that’s hard because you, and you bring up a good point too, about a lot of times people see like the DIY weddings or they see like a tent wedding, they’re like, that’s so much cheaper. But I’ve been a part of those, both, both as like bridesmaids and as guests and day coordinator. And I’ve seen like a. It’s not a lot cheaper. The tent costs that if you’re adding a floor, if you’re adding tables and chairs. Plus, I feel like , too, you just think about, and some of the ones I’ve seen that are like the DIY type weddings, they’re paying more for all these different pieces to come together. Then you need more help because you’re not in like a venue where they actually have like people to set up stuff. So you’re either like having your wedding party do it or you’re hiring more people to come in, whether that’s servers or that’s people to put the tent together and you just don’t think about it a lot of times.
Bethy Abdissa: Or my favorite of all is a family’s gonna help set up. And I’m like, I know. Yeah. I’m like, nah, they don’t, they’re not gonna do it. Like I’ve, I’ve broomed mopped a weddings because family was gonna set up. When family was gonna break down. And I’m like, yeah, they don’t, they don’t do that. And so now that I am getting more experience and, and understand that these are actually just like hopes and dreams.
I, I mitigate those things by saying no. If you, if there’s any family involvement, I actually hire an assistant or charge extra for an extra person to be there while I’m there. Um, just because I’m like, I do not want to, first of all, I do not want to rely on family, but also I’m not the type that just be like, oh, you’re, you said your family’s gonna, you said your family’s gonna clean up, so I’m gonna go, you know, I’m not that type.
So I, I like getting my work done. And also like giving you a peace of mind. And usually peace of mind comes with a cost. That’s the thing, like with DIY weddings, I’m like, yeah, you can DIY when you apply, you’re doing it the whole time, but the stress that comes with it, the time that comes with it, um, the amount of stuff that’s in your house, like craziness, right?
Like to create one little, um, bouquet or whatever, you have to buy a bunch of things. And so, so when you account the actual expenditure, unless that’s something you really, truly enjoy and you’re crafty and your creative in that direction, it’s actually more enjoyable for you and your entire family if you just hire somebody to do it.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Bethy Abdissa: Um, yeah.
Christa Innis: You gotta think about the time put in. There’s always like the balance, like the give and take. ’cause like I remember the first few weddings I really helped with, like, they were like family, family, friends, a lot of them in the beginning. And it was like cricket was the big phase, right? I’m gonna buy a cricket, it’s $300, but uh, think of all the money I’m gonna save, right?
But then you think about all the time you’re gonna be cricketing, all these signs, all these things. And I was like the go-to cricket girl at one of these weddings I helped with. And granted everything turned out beautiful. It was a beautiful wedding, but I think they kind of underestimated how much power from everybody else they needed.
And it became this whole thing, this whole project for the family and all these like last minute costs, stress on family members. And when it came time for my husband and I to get married, I was like, I don’t want that from any, for any of our family members. I want our family members to be able to sit, have a drink in their hand, get some food, and not have to worry about like who’s tearing down, who’s setting up?
Oh my gosh, I do this. I’m like, I want you to look pretty on that day. Yeah. Enjoy yourself. Yeah. Like have fun dance to music. Yeah. Don’t be like, what? What’s my job? And no shame anyone that does that, if you know your family is helpful. ’cause I’ve, again, I’ve been a part of ones where it turned out beautiful and like my in-laws, like we, we did my sister-in-law’s wedding and it was beautiful and it was so much fun to put together.
She got really lucky on mother. Um, but I’ve also been a part of ones where it’s chaotic. It’s not put together. They, they, in their mind, they’re like, oh, my so-and-so’s gonna help me with this. They never asked so and so to help them. Mm-hmm. So then they’re scrambling at the last minute and it’s, it’s chaotic.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, it’s a hit or miss. And it’s like, uh, I think about it like, okay, what are they remembering from that date that they were working? The whole time they were sweating?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Like literal, literally when they think about your wedding, they’re like, oh, the dance, they don’t remember the, the kiss or the ceremony.
The first time you, you know, the mom was putting the dress on. They have no memory of that because they were setting up. Yeah. And that’s, that’s why, that’s why I’m like, I, and I, like you said, I had phenomenal family members that really, like, I was so like chill the whole time. ’cause they were, they were really helpful.
Um, I just, that’s not my wish, I guess. But also like everybody does what they can with the budget that they have. So.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, and yeah, it’s funny because honestly until I was in my one friend, my one friend’s wedding and she said, I don’t want you guys to have to work at all as like bridesmaids. She’s like, I want you guys to have fun.
Like, I’m not having any of you like, have any jobs basically during the day. Mm-hmm. And that’s like the first time I like heard a bride say that. ’cause every wedding before that I’d been a part of setup, I’d been a part of all these things and I’m not complaining. ’cause again, I like that kind of stuff. I love being craft like.
You know, like we’re, we like that kind of thing. That’s why we’re in do what we do. But yeah. Um, many people like in wedding parties don’t like that stuff, you know? And so I felt like it was nice hearing that from a bride. Yeah. And then I just extra offered help for her. Like, I would just be like, Hey, do you want me to come over and help put together favors? Hey, do you want me to come over and help with? Um, I think I did like her guest book was like a globe and so like we did. And so involving myself that way. ’cause she was like, I don’t wanna make anyone feel like they have to work. And I was like, that’s kind of nice. That’s nice.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s nice to have those then you can help out more.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Because you want to, not because you feel obligated. Right?
BethyAbdissa:Yeah.
Bride, Mom, and Mayhem: Red Flags and Wedding Chaos
Christa Innis: I feel like we see that a lot. Um, have you had to be a therapist for any more brides or have any crazy stories of this summer that you wanna share that you can share?
Bethy Abdissa: Oh, so many. I think I. Um, actually I feel like, uh, one couple I worked with really loved, like, because I’ve worked with them for a whole year, they hired me for a full service planning.
So just seeing them even grow in communication and really like, inspired me because I can, like the first day versus the last few days before the wedding, I was just playing back all the meetings we’ve had, uh, so far. And, and I do, and I do like interject sometimes when I, you know, and I can see like, you know, a little, oh, this is what I want, this is, and I’m like, um, what he is saying is, what she is saying is, you know, I do that still, but I feel like weddings can really create friction in relationship, like just the planning phase. Um, especially when you have a third person and you are still, you’re still voicing what you want ’cause you’re not gonna, ’cause this is your wedding, but you’re still trying to keep like your composure or you’re trying to look like you are, you know, you have your things together, you don’t wanna look like the crazy one, you know?
And so I think like that pressure of like trying to also be truthful, but also balance, like still remain professional with, when you have a planner, you can see like the authenticity, the rawness of the relationship, but also like, there’s a lot of understanding that grows. Um, especially because they’re from two different cultures.
And so, you know, there’s just a, a, a mesh of that. And I think that’s where I was like. Um, niching down as a planner for me, ha was, has been important, like trying to figure out what, what types of weddings I wanna master with my business partner. We’ve been going back and forth and it’s like, those are the places where we, I feel like we shined as a team just to like figure out what is the sa the, the sweet spot between two cultures.
Right? The men, especially like if you are obviously from a different country and getting married in the US there’s one, there’s a, a, a cultural, um, I would say fusion that happens from where you were to the US and then between the two of you. In addition to that, if there’s a difference as well, there’s an additional factor of like, okay, we, we live in America. I’m from this country. You’re from this country. And so like having that, like almost like a, a sweet spot between those three, figuring that out, but also you as a person in a relationship, um, you know, talking to your partner, which is like your, your future partner, right? This is just one day, but it feels like it almost is like a bridge to your new life that you’re creating.
So it’s like so important. It’s, and it, and it’s, I, I saw them grow and honestly, at the end I was like, you guys, I’m gonna miss these meetings. Like, I really am gonna miss these meetings because even though like the wedding’s done, I feel like I got attached to them as a couple. Um, and I can see us like going beyond just this wedding. Uh, I, I think I’ll remain in that, in that family for a while. Like, at, at least, at least until I marry off all their cousins, you know? But yeah, so just watching that, um, there were, there were times when, honestly what, like, drama wise, there were, there were mothers that were just too involved, you know, and I, I saw like a groom that was completely disengaged because of the mother’s involvement. He would barely attend meetings, um, and. And it’s just that that type of friction was happening. I don’t know if it was her wedding or the bride’s wedding, like there was like, oh, this is what I want. Like literally these are words I would hear from the mother. And I’m like, that’s not your wedding.
Christa Innis: Wow, that’s interesting. I have to tell you and I wanna know your thoughts on this. Yeah. Like I said, I don’t do a ton of weddings anymore. I did like, I did, uh, one or two this year. No, I did one last year and I did two this year. Remember the year is like blended together. Yeah. But anyway, um, I had, and I do get consultations here and there and I’ll like usually do the first call, whatever, but I always wanna do the first call with the bride. Like the bride needs to be there. And I made it clear, well, I had a mother of a bride reach out. And she was so nice. This is nothing negative about the mother. But on the call, she made it clear that like she did everything. So like the things that she’d already done for the wedding was like done.
And I was like, oh, okay, is is blank gonna be joining us on the call? And it was like, no, she, she can’t make it. And so I, so to me that was like not a right fit because I’m very, like, my job is to work with the bride and groom or the couple getting married. Right. And again, I don’t take a lot of weddings in general, but I already knew off that call.
I was like, this is not gonna be the right fit if I can’t even get her on a call to talk about her plans and her vision for the wedding. And maybe she’s that kind of person that’s just like, mom, take the wheel and go. But what’s your take on that? What would you do if just like a mother of the bride or groom reached out to you?
Bethy Abdissa: See, that was my first red flag that I should have caught. She, um, yeah. And my business partner and I talk about it, and I’m like, that was like our, now that we’ve gone through it a couple of times, this is not our first rodeo unfortunately. Um, and so we’ve gone through it a couple of times. We’re like, okay, if the bride is not the person that is contacting us, and we request a bride to be there, and we can see that’s almost like a test of like how the wedding is gonna be, like the whole process of the planning.
Uh, I would say, I think there was a, there was, um, a desire for, and I took the call,for the business calls. I am the one who takes all the calls. So I, I think there was a desire of me to just like, get that business, but also make sure, because um, you know, I wanted to make sure that like, I wasn’t gonna say no, you know, like there was just like, how can I say no, da da da.
But like my instincts was telling me. It was gonna be a rough one, but I didn’t, I didn’t listen, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so I would say if you are a planner and you’re talking to a potential client, if it’s the parent, and you can, that’s literally how it’s going to be. Like, how you take the first call is probably how the whole conversation’s gonna be.
But now the other aspect is like, not only are you managing the mother, because at the end of the day, she’s not the bride. You have an additional person that you will get to at some point in the process, um, ask, you know, did you do this? Or do you want this or do you want that? And so it’s actually just more people to manage, more people to talk to.
Yes. Um, so it, it, it’s never like she’s completely eliminated from the process and the mom is taking over. That’s never the case, right? So it’s like, it’s, it’s more of like, you have two, two people. Then one’s not the bride. And then you have the groom and then also like you are the person that is trying to fix this.
And like I said, that’s the therapy place where you come in and you’re like, well, what do you want groom? You know? And you’re trying to include him because I feel like it’s not fair, but it’s not also like, do you care enough to make sure everybody feels a certain way or do you just do your job as in like just bare minimum and serve them and just, you know, move along. So I would say it’s a red flag.
Christa Innis: Yeah, it definitely, that’s it. I feel like it complicates it in a way I didn’t initially see, but it’s like, yeah, it’s like, think about like, um. I don’t know. If you’re just doing a job in general and you’re like, let’s say the bride is your boss, but you never actually meet her.
Yep. The other boss or whatever. And so when you go to that first day, you’re like, wait, who’s my, who am I listening to here? Because when I, like I said, when I work with someone, I always work with the bride or the groom. Right. I, I get on calls with them. I ask about their vision. And so that would be really complicated.
And, and I always say too, in the consultation call, I’m always like, it’s not for just me to see or it’s not for just like you to see me, it’s for me to see you. Like, let’s see if we’re good, a good fit. Can I help you make everything come true? Can I do all the tasks you have? Right. I agree. And I can’t meet you for that initial consultation. What if the wedding day comes and like, I’m like. This is just not a good match. Or like the brides tell me one thing that’s different than the mom, but she’s the one that’s paying me, but it’s her wedding day. And I’m just like, that’s just because you hear those horror stories like you do, and it’s just like, what do you do?
Bethy Abdissa: I, yeah, I definitely had a horror story. I don’t, I honestly, I’m not even sure I processed it enough to talk about it because it was just like such chaos, like in, in, in every, in every way. Um, but I think my team and I did the best that we could on the day. I don’t think there were that many issues, but the planning process, um, the just like.
Not even communication. Um, I would book or I would search for a vendor, but the mom has already booked another one. So it’s like, like stuff like that that kept happening. Can you imagine?
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So yeah, that’s, yeah. So it’s like, and that’s also like causing double the work, right? Yeah. ’cause like you’re doing the work, she’s doing the work, ignoring what you’re doing, and then it’s like, why are they paying you to do this when she’s gonna do this anyway?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And then, or I would suggest a makeup artist and they would be like, no, da, da, da. And then two weeks before the wedding, they hired the same makeup artist I suggested. So it’s like, it was just, it was, I just counted the days for that wedding also, I’m gonna say.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: But the thing is like, I love what I do. It’s, it’s almost like, um, a weird thing where the. It, the chaos doesn’t feel like chaos. It just feels like, oh, another puzzle. You know?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: To be solved. So it didn’t feel like, um, I was actually more excited as the, as the, the problems were increasing, I guess.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. I think that’s fun. I feel like you’re in the right, the right business. The right industry. ’cause I, I see it like that way too when I, the rare occasions I do them, but it’s like, for my day, I’m like, I have everything listed out what I need to do. And then as like, it’s like, it’s almost like a game of like, what’s that TV show?
Like road rules or something or you’re like mm-hmm. Driving around, checking off this box. It’s like a sc Yes. Sometimes it’s kind of wild, but you’re like, at the end of the day, then you can just put your feet up and be like, all right, we did.
Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened.
Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get to this week’s story, I know we’re running kind of long on time.
Bethy Abdissa: I love, let me turn on the lights ’cause it’s getting dark. Sorry. No, you’re good. Because I didn’t know it was gonna get this dark. All right. There you
Christa Innis: are. No, I’m just kidding. Okay, so we’re gonna do a, a new segment this time and just rate on a scale of one to 10 from not important, not important to, very important in your as a wedding planner.
Okay. Okay. On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to you that the couple’s wedding reflects their unique story and personality?
Bethy Abdissa: It’s very important. Read. Read it. One to 10, you said?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: I would say nine.
Christa Innis: Nine. How important is it for the couple to feel calm and stress free? Stress free throughout the planning process.
Bethy Abdissa: I would say a six. I, I don’t think it’s that important because it’s normal to have some, some sort of stress. And actually I like the ones that are stressed because those are actually the more prepared ones. The ones that are not stressed. I find out on the day that they should have been stressed.
Christa Innis: I was thinking the same thing. ’cause if they’re a little too calm and collected, they’re not, they’re not thinking about what they have to do.
Bethy Abdissa: No. That freaks me out. I’m like, yeah. I’m like, no, my God, I got a lot of work to do. My first consultation call. I’m like, how, how is the planning process? They’re like, we’re, we’re done. We’re 99.9% done. I’m like, okay, let’s go through what you think is done. And then it’s not. Yes.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, how important is flexibility when with plans or budget, when plans or budgets change?
Bethy Abdissa: I would say a seven. Reason I say a seven is a seven, 7.5. Uh, because yes, you should be flexible, but then you, the budget only changes because your want changes, right?
Like, we can do something that fits the budget that would just kind of being less than what you want. So the flexibility is there. But some, some brides and grooms have like, oh, our budget is 40 K, but then when we are spending, they don’t wanna know the numbers that we are spending. Um, so it’s like you really want to have.
A stop as a person, like you need to draw a line because if you don’t draw a line, I can get you to a hundred KII can get you to 125. We can get everything you’ve ever dreamed of. But the thing is like not having a stop will actually increase the pressure because especially the last bills of the weddings come up a month before, and so a month before when you’re paying it out, you’re like, oh, I didn’t know it was this much.
And so I would say it’s important, but the flexibility is important. But also having a boundary and saying, this is the number we are gonna stop with. This is also I think you have a life after a wedding.
Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Um, how important is it for the couple to have a detailed, realistic timeline leading up to the big day?
Bethy Abdissa: I would say again, maybe a seven or eight. Yes, it’s good. For your own sake, especially the get ready part, like I would say that your morning, your makeup, um, your bridesmaid schedule, those are the things that kind of trickle down throughout the day. So if you have that detailed, that’s nice. But I have brides that are in the wedding trying to tell me it’s at 7:05, we should be doing okay, calm down.
You know, like I don’t need that much detail of like how everything goes down because again, it’s not gonna be a hundred percent. Um, there are things that move around, but for the most part, like, like between five to 15 minute, um, like flexibility is important, but you know what ends up happening And this is why I am like, don’t worry, as long as we get to dinner, that’s always what I say. We get to dinner on time, everything else, don’t worry about it because people. Think people are gonna really dance. People don’t dance more than an hour. Like there’s only maybe one or two weddings where I was like, oh, these people are dancing. But more than an hour, an hour and a half people end up leaving the weddings 10, 10:30.
These are like my, my experience this whole summer. So I’m like, you could have just relaxed the whole day and just pushed everything a little, you know, spread it out. So don’t be so aggressive when it comes to like the, the, the timing. But I would say I don’t like keeping people waiting at all for ceremony or dinner. Like you need to be on time for ceremony and you need to be on time for dinner.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s what those DIY weddings too, when or when they start so, so early. Yeah. And then the girls are just in their makeup for two hours being like, you have nothing to do. I’ve been in weddings like that before, where you get your makeup done at 6:00 AM.
And then the schedule’s kinda weird or wonky. And then we were kinda just like left in the dust, like the bride and groom were off somewhere. It was still like two hours till the reception and we were just like sitting around like. All right. What do we do? Our makeup’s done, but like we can’t really go anywhere yet.
’cause the wedding’s not done and you kinda just sit around and then you’re exhausted. You don’t wanna dance, or you like maybe dance for an hour and then it’s like, yeah, you’re exhausted.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Up. I like the skeleton to work with, but I always change it. Like on my first meeting, I’m like, do you have a timeline?
They say, no. Great. I’ll make one for you. Um, if, if it’s, if it’s me planning the entire wedding, obviously I’m creating the plan, the timeline, but some brides come with a timeline of I’m doing like a partial or day of coordination. And then I look at it, I’m like, yeah, like even now, today, I, I, tomorrow I’m, I’m gonna have a meeting with the bride because I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.
There’s a 40, 45 minute that’s just sitting empty there. Mm-hmm. So like, those are things that I do, um, regardless of them having a timeline or not.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s good. Um, all right. How important is it to design moments that feel emotional and memorable for a couple and guests alike?
Bethy Abdissa: Well, I love that. I mean, that’s, I, I try to do that.
Um, and, and in my consultation I ask, you know, what is important? How’d you guys meet? Is there something, something we can, um, recreate? I did like one wedding. We did, um, it was an Indian American wedding. It is every, um, she used to write her notes, right? And so like random notes on sticky notes, blah, blah, blah, like love letters.
Basically, they. They recreated it on their, um, napkins for, um, the alcohol
Christa Innis: and for, oh, that’s like a sticky note that he wrote on. Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: So, but it’s on a napkin. I actually took some Oh, cute. Because it looks so cute. So all the letters, um, you know how much I love you, dah, dah, dah, dah. And he would sign it at the bottom with his handwriting, basically recreated it on napkins for cocktail and for, um, the bar.
So I like just
Christa Innis: that.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, that’s, that was very nice. Or they did like, also, you know, those, um, deck of cards, those were their guest books. So, or every deck of card had a note from somebody and they were gonna play the card when they go home and they can see the notes. So, um, kind of like engaging the guests with also showing.
Their love story and the, and the whole process. So if, if I could do it, I would love to do it is I would say an eight would would, because it would increase the experience for the guests. But it could be a lot of work from the bride and groom perspective if they’re just like, I just wanna get married.
You know?
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I’m sure you learned that a lot in that first consultation to be like, okay, yeah, there’s someone that cares about the little details. Yes. And wants to showcase their personality. For sure. This person wants to check the box of these three things or whatever. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I love that.
Maid of Honor Meltdown: When Friendship and Wedding Plans Collide
Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. Are you ready? I’m excited. All right. Let’s do it. Three we, three months before my wedding, my maid of honor dropped out over text. Now, I’m not sure if I should still invite her to the bridal shower or even the wedding. Here’s some backstory. Ever since I got engaged, things with my maid of honor, let’s call her Mary, have been rocky.
At first, Mary seemed excited and offered help, but I didn’t really need much early on since I was just booking vendors, I’d tell her I’m good right now, or share updates about the venue, and somehow it always turned negative. For example, when I mentioned that guests would need to pay for their own rooms, she accused me of making a profit off the wedding.
What? And she under weddings, where they pay for the hotel. And why does she think the bride would be making that money?
Bethy Abdissa: That is weird. So some sort of coordination with the hotel, I guess, where the bride gets the money?
Christa Innis: I don’t know why she think, why the maid of honor would think that, which of course isn’t true.
She just doesn’t understand how expensive weddings really are. Mary and I have been friends for a long time. She’s been dating her boyfriend, we’ll call him Jim for a while. At one point I jokingly said, your next Jim, just playful banter. But months later I found out they were actually mad about mad at me about that joke and thought I was a terrible person for saying it.
We eventually made up, but things never fully went back to normal. I constantly felt like I was walking on]eggshells. Why would they be so mad at her for joking about being next, like pressure?
Bethy Abdissa: I think there’s a, there’s hidden animosity.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I know. I’m wondering like, because I feel like there’s always this thing with these stories where like, they were dating first and then they were dating, and so you can’t get engaged before me because we were together first, and I see these happen a lot.
So I’m wondering if like, the maid of honor was dating the guy first. Yeah. Something like he didn’t ask her. I don’t know. Yeah. Um, a few months later, I decided to make my college friend Julie, my matron of Ner. Okay. Is this before she dropped out and told Mary they could share the role? Mm, that’s why Mary’s mad. What are your thoughts on that?
Bethy Abdissa: Is is the story over? Oh, there’s a lot more. I mean, I feel like the bride, I could, first I was like, okay, made meat of honors and bride meat. They, they’ve, they’ve given me headaches this summer, so I, I was like, okay, I’m already like bridesmaids, bride, sweets problems. But when she said like, yeah, this is definitely, uh, I think she was pushing for problems to like, from the start, I feel like, because why would you even start the story from she dropped out and not actually start from here?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Because now I’m just confused as like, was your intention to already make her look bad? Because, and now you’re thinking of like, oh, it could be because they were mad then it was, because when I said this, she said that. So I, I’m, I’m curious to hear the entire story before I make my judgment, but now I, I, I see two problematic people.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is wild.
Okay. I was nervous to tell her, but to my surprise, she seemed fine with it. Julie ended up being amazing. She helped with everything before I even asked, made planning easier, and kept me sane. Well, here’s the thing, I, I agree with you because I’m already seeing too, where she’s like, Julie, Julie’s up here.
She’s amazing. And then Mary over here has not been helping. But she said early on, Mary asked if she could help, and she said, well, I was just looking vendors. But now Julie’s helping with everything before she even asks. I think that’s overstepping. Yeah. Me personally, as a bride, I wouldn’t wanna bride me to come to me and be like, I did this for you without you asking.
I’d be like, no, no, thank you. So it sounds like she’s like giving Julie more reins to do things and mm-hmm. Maybe values her more as a friend. Yeah. Not long after I invited Mary to go flower shopping with me, and that went well, but when I asked her to help with a few DIY projects later on, it turned into a disaster.
We got into a disagreement because she has very strict values and I always tried to respect that. Okay. For example, I mentioned wanting to go dancing for my bachelorette, but she said she couldn’t go because of her relationship boundaries. Okay. That was fine. But my fiance said he didn’t love the idea either. You can’t go, I mean, teach the road. You can’t go. Damn thing. Okay. I joked to her, well, if you say no, then you can’t come to Vegas either.
You already know she’s feeling a certain way. Why are you joking at her saying that? Let’s just, that’s lie. Yeah. She threw it back at me saying I was being controlling. And when I tried to explain the context, she just kept arguing after that things seemed okay again, at least for a few weeks. I don’t think they’re okay. I think it’s like she keeps throwing, like digs at her expecting her not to respond and then she responds and the bride’s like, but, but what? I’m just joking.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Mm. I, yeah. The bride was, was uh, already. Interesting. I really didn’t see this coming. I thought, I thought it was gonna be the bridesmaid, but right now I’m, I’m for the bridesmaid, it just feels like, or the maid of honor, it just feels like she’s creating problems and trying to, okay. She doesn’t wanna go. Like again, why is there, why is there pressure there? If you already know her, you are making a made of, uh, her, you’re maid of honor for specific reasons. Either this person is close to you, you trust them, it’s somebody you want next to you, you’ve dreamt about this, blah, blah, blah, and you know them though, you like, how is their values gonna change for you overnight? That’s just not gonna happen.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Like, I know who I’m gonna ask to do certain things for my wedding. Right. That’s just it. And, and she’s not, it’s not like this person came up with her like values now overnight. This is just the person she is. And her fiance also said the same thing. So I’m, anyways, I’m really curious where this lady’s going.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. So she said, then out of nowhere I got an AI generated message from her
Bethy Abdissa: Out of nowhere,
Christa Innis: Out of nowhere, completely saying she was stepping down as maid of honor. Here’s what it said. Hey, first, I wanna thank you again for asking me to be your maid of honor. I’m just picturing like chat, GPT, like that meant a lot.
After reflecting more on where things are in my life in between us, I realized I need to step down from that role. This decision isn’t meant to hurt you, it’s just something I feel is necessary so that you can be fully supported by people who align best with your energy and vision. Right now, I think we’ve grown in different ways, and I don’t feel I’m the best fit to stand beside you.
The people sitting next to you should be the ones that are best for you. I’d be happy to come as a guest and support you from the sidelines. I truly wish you a beautiful wedding and joyful beginning to this next chapter. I mean, maybe she did use AI. We don’t know that for a fact, but. It sounds good.
Bethy Abdissa: Sounds genuine to me.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, honestly, what else? What else do you want someone to say? I mean, she’s like, she wants you to be supported. Yeah. She knows she’s not in the place, or your relationship’s not in the place for her to be by your side. She’s respectfully stepping down. She’s communicating it instead of being rude and blocking your number.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, and she could have waited until last minute. Pushed it and made it about herself. Right. Like it could be, she wanted to be the talk of the wedding and, you know, leave a mark. So, so I’ve had bridesmaids do that like a week. Like I had a wedding this season, a week before the wedding. She said she couldn’t come.
Um, so there are, there are bridesmaids that do that. I honestly think this person’s, however bad the bride is trying to paint her. I, I am not seeing it.
Christa Innis: I don’t really see, I, I see this all as like a one is a lack of communication. Two, there was already some kind of animosity between both of them. I don’t think anyone’s like right and wrong or angel and demon, you know?
I feel like it’s like two friends that maybe had a falling out. Communicate to get right on the same page. ’cause this was, it says she dropped out three months before the wedding. So I feel like there’s, that’s still plenty of time. She’s respectfully saying like, look, things are off between us.
It would feel fake for me to be next to you and being like, Hey, we’re the best of friends. Especially made of honor. It’s not even just a bridesmaid roll. It’s made of honor. That should be like your closest friend. Um. Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: Someone who aligns with your values. And that’s what she said. She’s like, we are not aligned with our values.
You know? And, and that would be, and a wedding does show you that, by the way. Yeah. Like, it does show you like, ’cause some people are like, oh no, we are high school friends. I want her to be my bridesmaid. I’m like, are you sure? Because you probably don’t even know half of the things that she believes now. Like, you don’t, you don’t have the same values anymore.
People grow, people just evolve, you know, and it’s not a bad thing, right? Like, it’s not a bad thing at all. But who you want as a bridesmaid is not necessarily just a friend. Like, again, I think those, like even siblings, you don’t have to, you don’t have, like, someone you want as a bridesmaid is someone who doesn’t necessarily need to be your best friend. It needs to be somebody who can. Put their desires aside for that day, put their, um, wants aside and make sure you are, you know, taken care of. And they’re someone who is really good at organization. Like, let’s say your best friend is the worst, like not type I would say even worse than that. You don’t want her to organize your baby showers.
Your wedding shower’s just not gonna work. Mm-hmm. You are tasking her with something that she’s personally character not able to produce.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: You know what I mean? So yes, she could, she is your best friend and you love her for all the ways, but not the things that a bridesmaid or a maid of honor is required to do.
And that’s like when they say, oh, I want my sister. I’m like, the entire time I see them fighting the entire time bickering. I was like, nobody forced your you to make your sister your maid of honor. Right.
Christa Innis: They just think they have to like check that box. And I’ve even heard of so many parents, like pressuring, like, your brother has to be your best man.
Yeah. And it’s like, um, like this one guy in particular was like, my brother can never get anywhere on time. He’s never like, done anything. Like he, he doesn’t do anything for other people. Yeah. He’s always late. He, you know, all these things. He’s like, I cannot rely on him for anything. I don’t wanna be my best man.
But then the parents were refusing to come or pay for anything if he wasn’t gonna be the best man. It’s just like, why do people do that? Like, I don’t get that.
Bethy Abdissa: And then you would have a friend who actually shows up for that day who does everything, a best man does, but doesn’t get the appreciation or the place or the position that that best man is having.
And it’s like, hmm. It doesn’t make sense. Um, and those are the hard decisions that you have to make beforehand. Um, is this story over, this is interesting. I just, oh my gosh.
Christa Innis: There’s a little bit more.
Christa Innis: It’s not like a ton more.
Bethy Abdissa: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna go off. I was like, okay, let’s finish this topic.
Christa Innis: Okay. It says So in reply or talking about her message, she got, she says, it sounded so robotic that I immediately asked for more context because it didn’t even sound like her. Now you’re accusing her. I hate to come hard on like, people that like send in messages, because I think many times people expect I’m gonna be like, oh yeah.
Like they’re the villain. But I really try to look at it with open eyes and be like, okay, this is, I’m trying to be un as unbiased. I’m not involved in this. Right? Yes. Yeah. And so to immediate, if someone texted me a long, heartfelt message, whether it was AI or not, like, let’s take AI outta the equation.
Maybe someone helped her write it. They still took the time and they were communicating with you, right? Mm-hmm. And to be like, gimme more context. She was very clear. I mean, yeah, maybe she didn’t give specifics. She was,
Bethy Abdissa: But she could. Yeah, she could say, she could see where it was going. And not only that, it was just like a bunch of, it’s not one thing.
Yeah. She literally said, we, we are growing apart. Like we don’t have the same values. Like how are you going to specify and say here, there that it’s just, we are not the same people we thought we were. So it’s like, yeah. I think that the clarification question, all that was just, uh, I’m sorry. Like I was actually, I would say I was already biased against the bridesmaid ’cause I thought she was gonna be problematic because of my experience.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: But I, I completely switched over.
Christa Innis: Mm. Okay. Let’s see. That’s when things got worse. She flipped it on me and said, I lied about a graduation party, a party, by the way, that my sister, my future sister-in-law, threw not me. It happened months earlier and Mary wasn’t invited. Apparently, she’d been holding onto that resentment the whole time.
Ah, now I, I just don’t know because she’s saying in this text it’s like values. But now she’s like, well, you went to a party without me. She kept accusing me of lying, but refused to say what I supposedly lied about. When I asked directly, she just repeated, you know what you did. I apologized, even though I genuinely had no idea what I was apologizing for, and she never responded.
Later I found out she’d been talking to Julie behind my back, complaining that wedding traditions are stupid and that she wanted to tell me directly. Julie told her not to. Mary also kept going on about how expensive everything was and twisted my words from another conversation claiming I called the bridesmaids fillers.
Oh gosh. That was completely taken out of context. Oh, oh. So she said it.
That’s why I always like, whenever people say that was taken outta context, and they’re like, oh, you have to like see the whole thing. I’m like, but was it said she?
Bethy Abdissa: She, she didn’t deny that she said it.
Christa Innis: So it’s like, unless you were quoting someone else, you said it.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I don’t know what context that would.
Be justified. Honestly, the thing is when someone says, you know what you did, I actually think the other person knows what they did.
Christa Innis: Oh, is that a hot take?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I, I gen and they’re like, I genuinely don’t know what I did, dah, dah, dah. I actually think they know what they did, and there’s things that are like beyond conversation.
Mm-hmm. To to almost like spitefulness where you, where you feel weird about what they like saying what they did, because it’s almost mind boggling that they did that. You know what I’m saying? Like, it’s like, I don’t even wanna verbalize what you did because you, because it was. It was so calculated. It was so thought, thought out that like, I really just don’t want to address it and name it because I can’t even believe you did it, but you know what you did.
Mm-hmm. And I genuinely have been in those situations. I’m like, yeah, this person, they know what they’re doing. You know? And it’s like me telling them almost feels weird. Like, ’cause we we’re across that point where if I say it, there’s no coming back.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, we’re
Bethy Abdissa: I’m just gonna, yeah. I wanna, I wanna move forward with some sort of a relationship with this person. So I’m just not gonna say it. They know what they did. I know what they did. Let’s just let it be.
Christa Innis: Mm. That’s a good point.
Bethy Abdissa: I, I can kind of see that. Yeah. Yeah. Because she wouldn’t have sent that message and say, you know, I, I would still wanna be a guest at your wedding. Right. I, I still would wanna come, dah, dah, dah, dah. She’s trying to sever whatever’s left off this relationship.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: So she’s trying to let it die, you know, be cordial. Let me not be a bride, like a maid of honor, dah, dah da. I’ll be a guest, because again, this person could just be like, I don’t wanna come to your wedding. I don’t want anything to do with you, but she’s trying to suffer whatever is left.
But then the bride kept pushing and saying, what did I do? What did I do? And then she probably triggered into saying the things that she, she did.
Christa Innis: oh, okay. I, I can see that. All right.
She said, I had said I wanted to invite a few more people to the Bachelorette, and if some couldn’t come, it wasn’t a big deal, meaning the extras weren’t essential.
Not that I didn’t like them. Probably a poor choice of words on my part, but definitely not how she made it sound. Okay, so she’s saying like, to her pillar, other people to come.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know if that was a good choice of words either. Like, I don’t mind if they don’t come. You know, you could have said it in so many ways, but there were people that you wanted to be there and there were people that were actually fillers.
So
Christa Innis: yeah, I get what she’s saying, but yeah, you, yeah, you’re like, I’ve seen so many things happen. I, I can tell. And yeah, to kind of say like, she did say like, I don’t really care if they come or not.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, you could have been like, as long as five people are here, whatever. But no, it was more so like, oh yeah, those, there’s a specific group of people that you think if they come, you know, it’s just gonna look like a party because there’s more people there, but they’re not the core people that you want there.
As long as these core people are here, the other ones are dispensed. That’s what I’m hearing. Because why would you use that word? I I don’t get it. Like, I’ll be like, yeah, uh, we invited 20 people, 10 people come. Great. You could, you could say so many ways without using the word fillers. Fillers actually means what it is.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Fiddler sounds like you just want a body there. You don’t body there. Who they are, what they’re doing, what they, yeah. Anything you just want a body. Exactly.
Bethy Abdissa: Exactly.
Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Last little paragraph here. It says, now I’m left wondering what to do. Do I still invite her to the wedding? Her whole family was supposed to be invited to, and the situation feels so awkward. I’m torn between wanting to be the bigger person and just be done with the drama all together. I, I don’t.
Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t invite her.
Christa Innis: You wouldn’t invite her?
Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t if I was in the bride’s position. The thing is like, although I feel like the bride is the problematic one in this situation, I feel like the bride is the problematic one.
Why would you want somebody there that you are gonna give a half, half-ass hug too? Like, you’re gonna be like, oh my gosh, she’s here. You’re gonna roll your eyes. Your bridesmaids are gonna be talking about her, what she’s wearing, how she’s acting. Like, again, if it’s my wedding, I don’t want anybody there that I am not excited to see.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Or, or I know is happy for me a hundred percent. And it doesn’t, from the bride’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like this person is a good person for her.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Even though I disagree that the bride is the problematic one. I, I don’t know.
Christa Innis: I feel like you have a very mature way of looking at it. Like, ’cause that’s true.
It’s like ultimately when it comes down to it, yeah. You want, you know, clean air, you want someone, people that are there to support you. Yeah. Um, and not saying that girl said she didn’t, I mean, she just said she doesn’t fully support her and doesn’t wanna like be by her side for like me. It’s like, it’s so individual and like, since I’m not there, I don’t know how the relationship is in person.
I’d be like, since the girl said I’d be happy to come as a guest, then you put it back in her court and you invite her and she can then make decision. If she ultimately is like, Hey, I’m sick that weekend, you know, can’t come. Yeah. Then. Nail in the coffin then you’re just agree. Um, it’s hard too when it’s like, obviously if you’re gonna invite her family, you were probably close to her family as well.
Yeah. And it’s even harder, it sounds like you guys grew up together.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.
Christa Innis: But I think, um, yeah, it just sounds like one of those friendships that are maybe just like diverging, you know?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And I, and I think like when you think about like the, the bridesmaid said, I was gonna come and I wanna support you as a guest, you know, that was her intention.
Um, but if, if, if it wasn’t, if I was the bride in that position, I would’ve just invited her and stopped it right there. But the conversations that went back and forth would make me second guess. Like I just, I guess where I’m at in my life, I think is also a projection of sorts.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Um, I really, um. As a person who used to be married, um, and now I’m actually engaged, so,
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Congratulations!
Bethy Abdissa: Yes, thank you. Um, I wouldn’t want anybody that I literally see and have second thoughts of like, or any, any sort of uncomfortable situation. Like I’m really like, I don’t know if it’s like. Age, or I don’t know, whatever’s in the air like I have almost zero tolerance for any sort of second guessing in my life, even with friendships.
And, uh, I completely did a 180 on all my friendships. Literally cleaned house, I would say in the last three years. And just went through like, oh, these are things that I’ve just been like passive about. So I’m not passive about who is my friend and who is not anymore. I think it’s coming from that. So I might be projecting a little.
Um, but like I would rather have 50 genuine people that truly want my, you know, to me to be happy in my future, to be beautiful than to just have fillers.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, no, you know what? You make a really good point of, uh, ’cause I was only thinking about the initial text, the follow-up text. I’m just putting myself in the bride’s shoes, whether she’s right or wrong in all this.
Um, you know, I’m sure there’s things we don’t know that happened between them, but her saying, um, you know what you did. Like if a friend before my wedding said, well, you know what you did, I’d be like, alright, I’m not, I’m not playing this game. That aside, if a friend said that to me, whether I thought I was guilty or not, God, I hope not.
Like I hope I wouldn’t do something like that to a friend. But let’s just say that’s what she said, and the bride thinks she’s a hundred percent innocent then. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I don’t think she shouldn’t invite her, because you’re gonna be wondering, it’s gonna be catty, it’s gonna be bridesmaids me like, oh my gosh.
That’s the, that’s the girl she dropped out. Oh, she was talking crap about you behind your back. You know? And so at that point, can you move forward? You’re gonna need to like really hash everything out or wait till after the wedding and do that. But I, yeah, I, I don’t think you should. Yeah. But you not inviting her is also gonna be the end of your friendship, I think.
Bethy Abdissa: I think it, it, it sounds like if I was in the brides position, I would get to the bottom of it before inviting her. Like whatever she thinks I did, I need to know verbatim. Um, I would be like, okay, what is it? We are going to talk about it, we’re gonna chat about it. But if it, the conversation ended where the story ended, and I still, I’m, I’m going back and forth about inviting her.
It’s an immediate no for me. Mm-hmm. Um, but like, if we can come to a resolution, a conversation, because then it, it is over already. Like I feel like the friendship is over whether I invite her or not. If we don’t come to a resolution here because you, you are not supporting me on my biggest day of my life.
Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah. And why s why invite someone that we’re not gonna have a future anyway? Yeah. I don’t wanna send pictures if it’s gonna make me upset or something. Pretty much, yeah. I also get too, like if they’ve just been hanging onto a thread because they know each other so long, maybe they’ve been fading and they only, she only asked to be a maid of honor.
’cause how long they’ve been friends. I’ve been at that point in friendships before where like it’s just the final straw. Yeah. And I’m, I’ve exhausted all resources up here, spiritually, mentally, physically. And I see that last text and I’m just like, yep. That, that about did it. Yeah. I, I’m done with this friendship, I’m not gonna even try. So if that’s the case, if you are even like, consider questioning it, then Yeah. I think it’s just a no.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Agreed.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Love that. We talked that through like we were their therapist. I’m like, picking up your therapist vibes.
Bethy Abdissa: Love it. Yeah. I, I think I need to do more of these like, reactions of like weddings and stuff like that. Even for my content, I’m like, I think I, I enjoy it so much. Um, but also like it’s so nice to just see it like firsthand and like literally in life to there. Yeah. The bridesmaid, if someone says, I have seven or eight bridesmaids, I’m like, uh, we have one or two problematic people say four, four is the sweet spot, like, say four please. And I’m like, oh, thank God.
Christa Innis: I had nine.
Bethy Abdissa: Really?
Christa Innis: I would say a wedding once with 12.
Bethy Abdissa: Oh, Jesus.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So mine was even the biggest outta my friends. But I’ve been also in weddings where there was three bridesmaids. Oh, and they were problematic.
Bethy Abdissa: No. Yeah. No, I had, I think my first wedding, I think I had eight or nine too, and it was chef’s kiss. So Yeah. It’s not, it’s not a one size fits all for sure.
Christa Innis: No. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve also said too, like if I got married like years ago, like Yeah, like early twenties, I think it would’ve been bigger and there would’ve been some bad apples in there for sure.
Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then within that time, and then the time I got married, a few had been dwindling away and yeah, I think so. I think we cleaned house before that, but yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
When Photographers, Caterers & DJs Drop the Ball
Okay, before we go, I’ve got a couple of confessions that people send me. Okay. And we’ll react to those and then, okay. Exciting. Okay. I can’t read the small print. Okay. Um, this is about wedding vendors. Confessions. Okay.
It said photographer didn’t get a picture of me and my now deceased father walking down the aisle. I would hope, well, that, I feel like the photographer would always get photos of walking down the aisle. So that would, that’s a definite mess up on their part. I would think so.
Bethy Abdissa: That’s weird because it’s not the only, but they took photos of them, like walk with the bridesmaids, walking the, like everything else but her and her dad.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s what I’m guessing. And some photographers I find you have to be like, really clear. Like, don’t miss this. Don’t miss this. ’cause I’ve been to weddings too, where photographers like had a contract but then like they did not do what they said they were gonna do. And if I had been more involved, I probably would’ve said something, but like, like one, they were like, oh, I’m gonna bring an assistant, like my second photographer.
Never brought an assistant, but they still wanted the full payment and then they just like paid just to like get them outta their way. And I’m just like, no, I never would’ve paid if they said they were being an assistant. They didn’t. So some used to be like really clear, like, this is the, these are the photos we want. We don’t wanna miss these. But yeah, that sucks.
Um, this one says our caterer showed up over two hours late, didn’t have one of the special request meals we asked for.
Bethy Abdissa: I’ve had caterers come two hours late too. What do you do? You just start praying, you know, that’s literally you, if you believe in God, that’s when you need to chip in any of that conversation at that moment.
I like they, they came to, they came on time but didn’t set up. I’ve had one, one wedding where she literally lied to me. The, the caterer lied to me about why she didn’t come on time and said, oh, you said it was four o’clock. And, and I have multiple, not only on the contract, but multiple text messages. I was like, you don’t need to lie.
Right. And then, and then basically I was like, I just need to get this done. Just set up. I don’t wanna hear anything. Right. No excuses. Yeah. Just, just set up right now. And then I had one where they’re like, oh, we’re, what time is the cocktail? And the cocktail’s almost over. Um, so what you do with that is basically I just finesse, like, I just like, okay, go past the appetizers and not set up right.
Like the last 15 minutes they passed the appetizer. Um. They’re two hours late. That means, you know, you just have to push things maybe a cocktail hour longer. That’s what I would do as a planner. I would just get people more drunk.
Bethy Abdissa: So that they, you know, so then people don’t realize what time it is. And you know, I’m like, okay, well I’ll talk to the bride and groom and be like, okay, we’re gonna have to pay extra hour for the cocktail hour because yeah, caterers late.
And then we push everything an hour. Um. And then with the special meal request, I mean, I would say like some sort of conversation would, can, can happen after the, the event with the caterer. Um, most brides and grooms are super lazy to come back and say, Hey, our contract said this, that, um, but I would highly urge, uh, bride and room to go back and say, you know, we need to figure this out.
But yeah, two hours late is the most probably annoying thing more than the one meal missed , um, because that’s more people that was affected. But with the one meal missed, if I was a planner, I would actually go to that person, order them a food.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: Got get a a, like a DoorDash or Uber Eats or something. And I would serve them as a, like a specific special food for them.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Bethy Abdissa: If I was a planner.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I would say the only time, like you made a good point, like if there’s like appetizers and open bar, like people are hanging out, usually don’t notice. The only time I did notice was when there was a weird gap between the ceremony ending, ending in the reception starting, there was like a three hour gap in like this random town.
And so they went everyone back by like six o’clock for dinner, right? So he had us all get in, get to our tables, and then we sat for another hour. And I remember just being so hungry it was cold in there. ’cause you know, like usually you can like get happy hour, you’re getting like the vibe going. But like we went from like going then outside and like a December wedding. Back in. So that made it more obvious. ’cause we’re already sitting at our tables like waiting, no s going. But for the most part, if there’s like already a DJ or there’s like something happening, people aren’t gonna, yes. I feel like two hours is a long time though.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I always say have a cocktail hour. Even if you don’t, you’re not a drinker. You know, some of my brides and grooms are not like alcoholic or it’s dry wedding, I would say, you know, you can get, um, mocktails and soft drinks and, you know, even like fried foods, whatever it is. Yeah. Having some sort of food during cocktail hour is such a buffer.
It’s, it gets people in the mood like it, it’s such a good transition. Like I say, oh, every time they’re like, oh, we don’t have a cocktail hour. I was like, I’m just saying the guest experience is not going to be there. Like, people are gonna not gonna be excited about this. So
Christa Innis: I think people are always looking for some kind of refreshment after.
Yes, yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Doesn’t have to be an open. You could even have cheese and crackers and you know, from a grocery store, whatever. Absolutely. People need, people want something to like pick at, I think.
Bethy Abdissa: Agreed.
Christa Innis: Yeah. All right, last one. Um, let’s see. There’s so many here to choose from.
Um, gave the DJ a set list and timeline. He ignored it all.
Bethy Abdissa: DJs, DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.
Christa Innis: That should be a T-shirt.
Bethy Abdissa: Genuinely had, like, I had the best DJs and I had the worst this summer, so there was one who like, basically he rearranged the schedule, did not talk to me, goes back and forth with the bride, creates the schedule, and I’m like, oh guys, it’s time for cake. And they’re like, oh no, the DJ already moved the stuff.
So I’m like, basically. As the coordinator, I was be like following directions from the DJ and it was took over and was just like moving stuff. Yeah. And I, I, I avoided him like the plague the whole night. I just was like, if I talk to you, I’m a, I’m probably not gonna say nice things, so I’m just gonna, you know,
Christa Innis: I like keep my vibes high.
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, I I don’t wanna do the non-Christian thing to do, so Please like, move away. So pretty much I avoided him, but I, I also let the bride and groom know, because I was like. What’s the point of me, you know? So, um, unfortunately, I, I try to break the ice. I do an email, uh, a couple emails before the wedding.
Hi, I am bey, da da da. I’m the coordinator. Here’s the schedule. If you have any questions on the day, I’m the person. I also make sure that all the vendors get meals, um, and that’s something we can talk about a different day. ’cause I, I, that experience was insane. I had a few experiences where the bride and groom are like, oh no, we’re not paying for meals.
Uh, so I make sure during my, you know, meetings with the bride and room that the, the all vendors are fed and all that stuff. So, and then on the day I actually supervised with the catering team to make sure, you know, the DJ usually eats at their, um, station. So I make sure they get everything and then. All the harshness, da, da, da kind of dies usually.
And that’s where I build a bridge. So they’re like, okay, Bethy, you know, let’s talk about it. Or they communicate with me before they do anything.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bethy Abdissa: There, there’s just one incident. It’s just, I was like, if the bride and groom are happy, I don’t, I literally stepped away. But it seems like from the situation that DJ did not do what he needed to do, um, I usually, again, they probably didn’t have a coordinator.
That’s all. That’s what it is, like. Mm-hmm. It’s the most like forgotten vendor, but I promise you it is. You would rather. Honestly, you would rather lose one of the vendors before you lose a coordinator. Because if you had a coordinator, you told her that I would’ve pulled up. I usually do a rundown of all the stuff that we talked about.
So I would do, like, do you have the music that they ask for? What’s the music for? Um, the procession, the recession. I do all this stuff beforehand, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Or on the day we would’ve been able to fix it if the, you know, some music wasn’t supposed to be played and the the DJ played it.
So hire a coordinator. Like it all ends up being hire a planner slash a coordinator.
Christa Innis: Yes. Can’t say it enough. Those extra set of hands come, come very handy. Yes.
Bethy Abdissa: Yes. A hundred percent.
Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming back on Buffy as always. Thank you. Pleasure hanging out and chatting with you.
Always good to see your face.
Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Krista. Thank you to everybody for just, you know, hanging out with us and chitchatting about weddings. Uh, Krista, I appreciate your time and your genuineness. Um, thank you for reaching out again and I hope to come back with more stories. I’ll have specific stories.
I just have, I haven’t processed the summer, you know, it’s, it was so much so I’m just like, I need to write it, blog it, you know,
Christa Innis: you need to like journal after these weddings,
Bethy Abdissa: that’s for sure.
Christa Innis: Where can everyone follow you and find your awesome content?
Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so on Instagram it’s K Blossom events. It’s K Blossom under events.
That’s my business page. Uh, but both on uh, Instagram and on TikTok, um, Bethy creates. Um, and yeah, thank you guys for watching. I appreciate you. Thank you Krista. Thank you.
Rules of Engagement, Hot Takes, and A Sister Rivalry with Lucette Brown
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever been caught in sibling competition over life milestones?
In this episode, Christa Innis and Lucette Brown dive into one listener’s wild tale of wedding conflicts. They cover topics such as handling toxic relationships, sibling rivalry, and balancing personal happiness with family expectations. The episode also includes unpopular opinions on wedding traditions, a humorous take on wedding speeches gone wrong, and the pressures of planning events. The episode ends with a rapid-fire Q&A about event planning and a heartfelt discussion on maintaining supportive family relationships.
Join Christa and Lucette Brown as they unpack jealousy, toxicity, and the importance of support in family dynamics—plus, discover how to survive wedding chaos without losing your sanity.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:51 Weather Talk: Melbourne vs. Midwest USA
04:07 Life in Chicago
04:59 Lucette’s Career Journey
06:51 Balancing Motherhood and Career
10:30 Unpopular Opinions: Relationships and Weddings
23:27 Event Planning Rapid Fire
33:40 Accidental Committee President
35:00 Mom Life and Time Management
37:14 Wedding Story Submission
41:23 Sister Rivalry and Wedding Drama
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Engagement Jealousy – Listener feels overlooked as her sister gets proposed to first despite being “less established.”
- Diamond Drama – Comparison of a real diamond versus an Etsy ring sparks tension and hurt feelings.
- Dress Appointment Feuds – Fat-phobic comments create conflict between sisters during bridesmaid dress shopping.
- Wedding Route Differences – One sister chooses Vegas elopement while the other plans a traditional wedding, escalating rivalry.
- Maid of Honor Dispute – Listener isn’t chosen as sister’s maid of honor, highlighting boundary and favoritism issues.
- Family Dynamics & Toxicity – Pent-up anger and competition reveal deeper familial struggles.
- Lesson in Support – Christa and Lucette discuss the importance of healthy boundaries and emotional support.
- Wedding Speech Nightmares – Confessions of inappropriate, cringe-worthy wedding speeches illustrate common wedding missteps.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Everyone has different boxes to check, don’t compare your journey to theirs.” – Lucette Brown
- “Your feelings are always valid, but toxicity isn’t excusable just because it’s family.” – Lucette Brown
- “Let them be, sometimes you can’t force people into your bubble.” – Lucette Brown
- “If you’re unhappy with someone, either hash it out or step back.” – Lucette Brown
- “Just because someone’s your sister doesn’t mean they get a free pass to hurt you.” – Lucette Brown
- “If they can’t handle celebrating each other, just be guests at the wedding.” – Christa Innis
- “Pent-up anger doesn’t mix well with a bridal party; it’s a recipe for disaster.” – Christa Innis
- “It’s not about the diamond or the dress, it’s about who makes you feel supported.” – Christa Innis
- “Don’t hold resentment on your wedding day. Life’s too short for that.” – Christa Innis
- “Sometimes, cutting ties temporarily is the healthiest choice for both sides.” – Christa Innis
- “Not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Lucette
Lucette Brown is a marketing professional with over 15 years of experience in the industry, focusing on digital and interactive channels. She has worked with senior staff members to achieve record sales, company growth, and strategic objectives. Lucette has extensive experience in wedding and event planning, which she translates into creative content through her TikTok and Instagram account. She also has training from Second City and iO Theater in Chicago, where she developed her storytelling skills. Currently based in Australia, Lucette continues to work in marketing and create content about the wedding and events industry.
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we have got a great episode for you today. Lucette Brown from Events and affairs is back and it’s well to think. She was actually my very first guest ever on the podcast, and we are coming close to a year of the podcast, which is just wild to think. The first episode came out January 23rd of this year, 2025. As I’m recording and yeah, we’re almost at a year of when it came out Les and I feel like I just talked to Issa. I mean, we see each other online all the time in chat, but um, it was so great catching up with her and we read a very wild, very long, very detailed story that I feel like you guys are gonna really get a kick out of because our opinions we’re very aligned in our opinion, but it might not be.
This response, you guys might think. So, uh, we got a lot to share, a lot of wild stories. And as always, Lou and as always, Lucette just has a lot of great stories and great opinions of per sleeve. So, without further ado, here is my interview with Lucette. Enjoy.
Christa Innis: Hi Lucette. Thanks for coming back.
Lucette Brown: No worries.
Christa Innis: I feel like it’s so funny ’cause we’ll always like start recording or we’ll start talking when we first hop on. I feel like we had a full conversation, but I’m just so happy to have you come back on. I’ve got my, yeah, thanks for
Lucette Brown: having me.
Christa Innis: Busy mom chic right now because we’re recording to match up our time zones.
You’re in Australia, which is awesome.
Lucette Brown: Yep. sunny in the afternoon here.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because you’re about you you were just saying you’re about to hit summer in Australia. Yeah, right.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Not that, I mean, I’m from Melbourne, so summer is a loose term at the moment. It’s been torrential rain. I feel like we’re still in winter, the rest of the country’s in summer, almost in summer.
Christa Innis: Oh God. is it kind of like cold and then rainy and then a little bit of warm weather? Or is it kind of just a mix?
Lucette Brown: no, Melbourne’s just all over the joint with its weather. yeah, we say that Melbourne is literally the four seasons in one day. and like, at my workplace, I’ll be chatting to my colleagues that are, you know, interstate and stuff.
They’ll be in Queensland and they just have beautiful sunshine weather. And then, you know, US people in Melbourne are just always rugged up.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You like never know what we’re gonna get.
Lucette Brown: No. But then we’ll get like, you know, two weeks of just like 40 plus degree days.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And
Lucette Brown: then we’re all just dying from the heat.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Four. Okay. So 40 degrees Celsius.
Lucette Brown: Celsius, yes.
Christa Innis: Gotta be little. What is that? 80? 80 degrees. I looked that up. 40 degrees.
Lucette Brown: I dunno if fa I think Farran has a little bit than four.
Christa Innis: Whoa. Okay. It’s really hot. Yeah, I’d be inside. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I used to be able to tolerate hot weather so much better when I was younger.
And I try not to complain now, but like, I can’t handle it as well. I get sick.
Lucette Brown: I’m not built for the heat.
Christa Innis: Ugh.
Lucette Brown: Like I’m built for, you know, Scotland Island. I’m not built further. my body is not built for the, hot climate, but
Christa Innis: Oh my. Here we are. Here we are. We just do a with. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I’ll go out with sunscreen on and I’ll come back.
Burn.
Christa Innis: Oh. So,
Lucette Brown: oh
Christa Innis: my gosh.
Lucette Brown: I need sunscreen layers and shade. Get, I’ll make good.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, that’s so funny. I know, like where I live, I’m in the suburb or I guess like the Midwest of the United States. I was like, trying to think of what suburb, and we kinda get all the seasons too. Like you never really know what you’re gonna get.
Like we’ll get cold summers and then sometimes we’ll get. We won’t get snow until like January or February. So I don’t really trust any season anymore.
Lucette Brown: No.
Christa Innis: You know what, take it day by day. We had 80. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Everyone’s like
Christa Innis: until October this year. So
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Everyone’s like, what season are you? I’m like, I don’t know.
It’s still cold.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So what’s is that In Chicago.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m not in Chicago. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but I’m like, I’m like two and a half hours from Chicago now.
Lucette Brown: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause that’s, I lived in Chicago for almost a year.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah, we talked about this. That’s awesome.
That’s, you did, that’s of fun city, didn’t you?
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Second City improv, IO theater, all that kind of stuff. So I just lived in, old town.
Christa Innis: Okay. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, I was just there downtown last weekend and I haven’t had like a full day in Chicago in a long time. I met with my best friend there and no kids, no husbands, and it was just like,
Lucette Brown: oh, fun.
Our
Christa Innis: oyster. Like, what are we gonna, it was almost like we’re so used to like, momming or just having schedules that we were like, what? What do we do? What do we do?
Lucette Brown: What do we do? Well, our oyster, we can do whatever we like.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It was wild.
Lucette Brown:
From Weddings to Motherhood
Christa Innis: So for anyone that did not listen to your previous episode that you were on, you kind of done a little bit of everything.
I know you did events as well. Can you just give a little rundown of who you are, what you do, what you have done, and
Lucette Brown: Yep.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Mixed bag. well, essentially I was in the. Wedding and event industry for just over 13 years. so my very first job was a very kind of mixed bag. So it was at, I suppose I can say the places, ’cause it’s not like I’m working there now.
I never know like whether you’re allowed to say, but I’m like, you could easily find it if you were just to do a quick Google search. So, my first job was at the state library, of Victoria. And that was a very kind of mixed bag of like music concerts, press releases, weddings, lots of different things.
it became very popular, when sex in the city became big and Carrie got married, at the state library, but married, she got left at the state library, but a lot of people wanted to be like her. So it was funny, our inquiries. Went through the roof, for that. ’cause it had like the marble staircase and everything like that.
So a lot of people wanted like the sex and the city moment.
Christa Innis: So it looks like the wedding that she had, are we talking the like with big
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Where she gets left?
Christa Innis: Yes. Was that so it, I know,
Lucette Brown: uh, yeah, similar. So it’s got like the marble staircases that lead up to, like the old 1850s part of the state library and stuff.
so like very different but also similar parts of it. but yeah, so then, you know, went to lots of different places and then, Kind of left the Melbourne City area and kind of worked at venues down, I live on the Mornington Peninsula, so, down this way. And then, yeah, just kind of really honed in and just focused on weddings.
and then, yeah, had my daughter and tried to juggle a little, but the 14 hour days just weren’t, just, wasn’t it anymore. So I lasted until she was probably about six months and then yeah, did a bit of a career change.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a lot. Especially like when they’re so small and you’re trying to balance it all.
And like you said, 14 hour work days, that’s a lot.
Lucette Brown: Just not, just not it.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So it was a bit hard to kind of, because I suppose for me, like the weddings and the clients were kind of like my babies in a sense. And then, yeah, once I kind of had a baby, I couldn’t. give them everything that I was so used to being able to give.
so yeah, it just, it was at a crossroads and it was just kind of like, no, I need to. I need to stop this while it’s still, you know, good and, you know, ending on, on good terms and stuff. and then, yeah, just kind of pivoted. Not to say I won’t ever get back there. for now my life kind of needed to change a little bit.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m glad you were able to like, figure that out for yourself and make that change. ’cause I feel like it’s hard to have that realization. ’cause I feel like after you have a baby, it’s like your priorities change in different ways. Mm-hmm. You don’t always
Lucette Brown: expect so much.
Christa Innis: I remember like when I was pregnant talking to a friend that just had a baby who owned her business, and I was like, I don’t know how I’m gonna work and take care of a baby. No. she’s like, something clicks where like your priorities change. And then when you do have time, you’re present with them when you have free time, she’s like, you’re just very focused.
You’re like, let’s get this done while you have time.
Lucette Brown: Oh. I say, yeah, there’s no one more productive than, a mom. Like, you know, I look at like how long it used to take me to get things done at like my jobs and stuff. And now I’m just like, man, I wasted a lot of time. I know,
Christa Innis: I know. It’s funny ’cause someone was just asking me like, they’re like, what does your work week look like?
And I was like, honestly, no two weeks are the same. I said, but when I get a good two hours that I know I focus, I just like B boom, boom. Yeah. Nothing else can bother me.
Lucette Brown: You can smash a lot out.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like I used to be the person where if a text came through I had to respond right away. Now I can’t entertain a text because I know I’ll get distracted and you’ll get lost in the realms of your phone.
I’m like, if I’m into something I have to just like focus or else I get too.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or two shiny things. I’ll just be like, oh. And then I, they’ll be like, um, hello? And I’m like, oh, I’m so sorry. Circling back.
Christa Innis: Yes. like I did for this, um, invite to our Zoom call. I literal
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Well, and yeah, and me responding to your message.
Christa Innis: Wait, we, I was like,
Lucette Brown: oh, I haven’t heard from Crystal.
Christa Innis: Well, we like booked. It’s
Lucette Brown: like, that’s because I haven’t responded. That would be on me.
Christa Innis: No. But I, I looked back and I created it for Monday. So the day I sent the link, I created it for that day. And I was like, girl, what are you doing? But it’s just one of those things, like,
Lucette Brown: I was actually sitting here at 11:00 AM my time, and I was like, already. And I’m like, Hmm. And then it’s like, oh, that’s not the right time. And then you popped up and I was like, oh, well,
Christa Innis: I was like, I think I messed up the time zone. But we just figure it out. We always figure it out.
thanks for being here.
We gotta do another, it’s okay.
Lucette Brown: It’s fun.
Wedding Stress & Boundaries
Christa Innis: I was just thinking we gotta do another skit because I remember we did one a little after you were on the podcast and I was thinking like by the time this comes out to, I don’t know the exact date, but it might be close to a year of like your initial episode, which is wild to think.
Lucette Brown: That is wild
Christa Innis: because you were one of the first That’s nuts. Episodes in like,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: January or February.
Lucette Brown: That’s so awesome. Congratulations on getting to a year. It’s wild. That’s awesome.
Christa Innis: Thanks. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I just started. I feel like I’m still a beginner.
Lucette Brown: That’s right. I feel like that’s everyone.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Just figuring out like Stay outta time, but I was like, oh wow. I think she might actually be like right around the same time as last time. Okay. Let’s get into this new segment. Actually, let’s do unpopular opinions. This is a little, it’s kind of a similar segment, but these are gonna be popular, unpopular relationship and drama takes.
So share thoughts on these that people send. Long engagements aren’t a red flag. They’re financially smart.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I mean, technically my husband and I are still engaged because we never got married.
Christa Innis: Oh, there you go.
Lucette Brown: Like legally We got married overseas. so Oh,
Christa Innis: you had a destination wedding?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: like a certificate, a marriage certificate?
Lucette Brown: yeah. So you are supposed to, so if you get married in a.
Like a different country. You can get married legally in that country, but you always still have to get married legally in your country.
Christa Innis: Oh.
Lucette Brown: And you still gotta fill out all the paperwork we never did it. so we got married in 2019, so right before, you know, the whole world changed Uhhuh and it just, yeah.
We never, I chatting to people who did destination weddings, everyone was like, do the paperwork first because you just, you won’t do it afterwards. And I’m like, yeah, it doesn’t really bother me. Whatever. Like, we’ll do it if we do it. And Yeah. No, I even had, at my job, I would have celebrates be like, I will come to your house and we will just do it.
Like, it’ll be easy and simple. And I’m like, yeah, we’ll get to it. it was just, I’m like, yeah, but then I gotta get witnesses. I got people around and like at that stage. Especially being in Melbourne, we were in and out of stage four lockdowns. Oh my. Which, unless you’re from Melbourne, you don’t understand what that means, which you should be very thankful.
but yeah, so it was just, yeah. So technically we’re still engaged
Christa Innis: and yeah. In the country you reside, you’re still engaged, but where’d you get married?
Lucette Brown: Bali.
Christa Innis: Bali. So if you go there, you’re still legally married?
Lucette Brown: No, we also didn’t get legally married there either.
Christa Innis: So you’re just,
Lucette Brown: we just had a party. one of my best mates, married us. and like in Australia it’s very different. It’s not like America where you can kind of just get like ordained online. You’ve gotta do like a full course. Mm-hmm. And it’s quite a lengthy process to be able to legally marry people in Australia.
and it’s quite expensive, so. Yeah. No, one of my mates just married us.
Christa Innis: I love it. But you know what, it’s like you guys did a party and an event that you really enjoyed, like for yourself ultimately. And that’s,
Lucette Brown: yeah, that’s all we kind of wanted. We just wanted the big party.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think with you probably working in stuff and weddings, you’re like, I know exactly what I want.
I’m not gonna cater to other people. This is gonna be our event. And I feel like you said last
Lucette Brown: well, and two, I didn’t wanna get married. Here because I can’t, I knew all of the suppliers, like the venues and stuff, and to me, especially like being like a people pleaser, I couldn’t bear the thought of being like, oh, well I picked you and I didn’t pick you, and Oh wow.
You know? Sorry. I had so many beautiful relationships with so many people, the thought of having to like, choose, I was just like, nah, too high basket. I’m just going to go to a different country.
Christa Innis: That is such a good point. That’s like,
if all your friends were, I mean, I don’t even know, like a dress designer or something, you know, like if you work with someone so close, then you’re like, I can’t, then they’re clearly, clearly gonna know who my favorite is or, you know, something
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like that. You’re like, I can’t. Yeah, that’s a really good point. I didn’t think about that.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, so the only, like, we flew over the catering and then I flew over the musician. and then that was kind of it. Everyone else was. Supplies over there.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Wow. That’s a great point though about the long engagements.
Like when anytime I post like anything about like people waiting a while to get engaged or people waiting while to get married, people have so many opinions about it and I’m like, every situation is completely different. Oh, a hundred percent are different. It’s just like I don’t get how people can get so up in arms about like, ‘ cause like my husband and I are like the opposite.
We’re, I dunno if it’s the opposite, but like we dated a long time before we got engaged. Like we were together or six years before we got engaged. We always knew we were going to, but like I was 23 when I met him, so I was like, I don’t wanna get married anytime soon.
if I do skits or people get married or like get engaged after like a long time, they’re like, red flag, red flag.
And I’m like, that’s not always the case. Like I know people that started dating 16, like give people a break.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Literally. Well I think, yeah, my partner and I. We’ve been together 14 years now. We’ve been married for six. So we got engaged after eight years.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And yeah.
Christa Innis: doesn’t determine like your strength as a couple.
Lucette Brown: No. we had a lot of strong opinions. I think people have just accepted it now ’cause it’s been six years and they’re like, yeah, whatever. but we had a lot of strong opinions when people found out we weren’t legally married.
Christa Innis: Really?
Lucette Brown: And people were like, so what did we go to? we went to our wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And people were like, well, no we didn’t. You’re not legally married. And we’re like, we are like,
Christa Innis: well, and it’s like for us, like how many couples have you followed up with that you’ve been to their wedding to be like, did you file the paperwork? Like no one. I know I didn’t.
Lucette Brown: No, it’s only came out because obviously we got married internationally.
So people were like, oh, how does that work? And then, you know, it’ll obviously come up. And then, yeah. Some people, especially like, you know, the older. The older generations in that were kind of a bit, yeah. Got real funny about it. And especially ’cause, you know, they had to fly to another country and stuff.
And we were like, yeah, how awesome is it that we all got to fly to Bali and we all got to have this amazing holiday all together. Like, when else are we ever gonna do that? And how awesome it is that we got to have this huge party.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like let’s focus on the positives people.
Christa Innis: Like why, why are we complaining about that?
Lucette Brown: Why are you complaining? Like I think that’s a crazy thing.
Christa Innis: That’s an amazing
Lucette Brown: trip. Yeah.
Christa Innis: I wanna
Lucette Brown: call. We had an amazing holiday. None like that whole group of people will never be in Bali together probably again.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So, yeah.
Lucette Brown: but we had a lot of, a lot of strong opinions on that.
Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting.
But really nothing surprises me anymore. People just have a lot of opinions about
Lucette Brown: people have opinions on everything.
Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. This one says. not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.
Lucette Brown: A hundred percent.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Straight down the middle with that. Get rid of the toxicity. Get rid of the toxic family members.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I think like 10 years ago, me would’ve been like, oh no. Like you have to have them now. Uh, no. I just don’t have the space all time.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say that it’s not worth it. One of the benefits of like not getting in my own personal, I’m not saying it didn’t work for some people getting married young, but for me personally, if I would’ve gotten married really young, like when I first met my now husband, I feel like I would’ve been such a people placer.
Like, yeah, okay. Yeah. And like invite every friend or every person I ever had like a hangout with, you know?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I would’ve had way too many bridesmaids that maybe weren’t super close or great friends just ’cause I was like, I don’t wanna leave anybody out, but. Getting married when I did, I was more like, no, this is what I want.
I haven’t talked to that person in a couple years. They’ve never reached out. You know, we’re not gonna invite. Not
Lucette Brown: worth it.
Christa Innis: Just,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: Easier a little bit.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: All right, last one. The real red flag is how someone might handle wedding stress. Us.
Lucette Brown: I don’t know because I’ve seen like the most beautiful people as like my clients and stuff who have been like so nice and so lovely, and then come to like, the week of their wedding. Like it’s just like someone else goes over them, like the stress gets to them and stuff, and it’s just.
Yeah. I don’t know. So I think people handle stress different.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And I don’t know necessarily whether that’s a red flag or not. Maybe just something they need to personally work on.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I
Lucette Brown: know. Something that, you know, we can overcome.
Christa Innis: Right. I know you would hope, like if, you know, you’re like high strung around stress or like stressful situations make you act a certain way.
Like you have like a support group around you. Yeah. And my thing is just don’t be mean to people when you’re stressed. No.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s the same for like the quote unquote, like Karen’s or something. No offense to anyone named Karen that’s listening, but it’s like those videos where they’re like stressed ’cause like their food came out wrong or you know, something like dumb like that and they freak out on someone, helping them.
That’s what I don’t have sympathy for. if you’re gonna be rude or mean to someone just because you are stressed or you’re going, or like you’re late so you’re like honking your horn at somebody like
Lucette Brown: mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: Take a breather.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: You can still be nice. And
yeah,
Lucette Brown: and I think that was, the time again, like COVID hit and stuff and in Melbourne we had to cancel all of our weddings and stuff.
And being on the end of that and having to call all of the couples, like people who literally were having weddings in two days. And I was just like, yeah, your wedding’s not going ahead. Oh my God. and like some of the people were so beautiful. Like you’ve literally called them, they have been planning this wedding for, God knows how long their wedding is supposed to be happening in two days and like now it’s not happening.
And not only that, I don’t know when it can happen because the problem we had is obviously like you’re canceling all these people, but like we’re already booked up for, two, three years. So then you are having like. The COVID backlog trying to deal with that and stuff. And that was probably like how people handled that situation.
I still remember the people who got and like, rightfully so like, yeah, okay. Get angry, but like, they would get like horrendously angry like at me and I’m like, I’m not the one putting, putting us, you know, this isn’t, it’s not my personal fault.
I’m just having to relay the information.
Yeah. I’m not, not me. I’m just relaying just relaying the information.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Um, so yeah, that was probably, ’cause you know, like who in their wildest dreams would’ve ever thought that was ever gonna be something that Right. We would have to deal with. and then yeah, having to make those phone calls. and then yeah, seeing how people dealt with that.
It was like, yeah, like very beautiful humans that were just okay. It is what it is.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like it sucks and I’ll cry about it, but can’t change it.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Whereas some people are like, no, I’m getting married. I’m like, no, I’m sorry, but no, you’re not.
Christa Innis: Sorry.
Lucette Brown: Fuck. I hate to break it to you, but
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Uh, no, it’s not happening.
Christa Innis: That has to be a really stressful phone call for you to make. I feel like especially you’re saying you’re a people pleaser or like have that tendencies, like,
Lucette Brown: oh, anxiety just,
Christa Innis: oh, I already hate the phone. So doing that, knowing you’re telling them something bad that’s,
Lucette Brown: oh, it was. And like, I think they knew, ’cause obviously like there were press releases at the time and, it was being announced that this was happening.
you would know you were about to get the phone call, but yeah. And then you’d just be on the other end and sometimes you’re just listening to like just sobbing and you’re just like, okay, well I’ve got about a hundred more of these phone calls to make, so bye.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’m sure by the last one you’re just like, I’m sorry, this is it.
Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m done.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: I’m
Christa Innis: done. Oh my gosh. Gosh. That was like,
Lucette Brown: I was trying to like pass it on to like my colleagues and stuff, but because like I was the manager in that, they’re like, Nope, that’s a you problem. I’m like, yep, fair enough.
Christa Innis: Got it.
Lucette Brown: Fair enough. I’d do the same thing too. Gosh,
Christa Innis: gosh. That like reminds me of I feel like some of the most stressful calls I had to make was when I used to work for a gym.
I worked in like the corporate office. So like I was not in the gym, did not work with the clients, but every once in a while I had people calling the corporate office complaining about like a membership thing. Like maybe they didn’t cancel in time had to be like, sorry, it’s in your contract, blah, blah, blah.
Like I don’t even remember the term, but I had people scream at me on the phone. I was like, I did not sign you up for this contract. I am literally in the corporate office. And then I. This lady,
Lucette Brown: I didn’t write the contracts.
Christa Innis: I was like, I don’t agree with it either, but I’m really relaying the iteration, like it was a terrible, toxic job.
Hated it. but I remember this one time, I was already having like a rough day. Like the boss was terrible. he yelled at me for just having a bad day. Like he literally, so I was already having a bad day. This lady is screaming at me on the phone and I just started crying and the lady was like, okay, you know what?
I’m,
Lucette Brown: I’m, I’ll keep my contract. Thank you. Sorry. Signed me up for another 12 months. It’s fine.
Christa Innis: No, she literally did was like, okay, sorry sweetie. I didn’t make fina make you cry. And I was like, it’s just been a rough day. Gosh.
Lucette Brown: Like people forget, like the people you’re abusing are humans and like a lot of the times the people you’re abusing don’t have the power to change anything.
Yeah. Like,
Christa Innis: like,
Lucette Brown: and like the 16 year olds behind the coffee counter, and they’re just like. Here’s your coffee.
Christa Innis: You’re like, dude, I work, like I work here after school. Like I, yeah. Doing what I can. I cannot make any changes.
Lucette Brown: No.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Dunno why you’re abusing me, but thanks.
Christa Innis: Yeah, thanks. Oh my gosh, it’s wild.
Last-Minute Saves & Meltdowns
Okay, before we get to this week’s wild story, I wanna do a quick, little quick, might be redundant, but a rapid fire event planning edition. So I’m gonna ask a random question and we’re just gonna try to be as quick as possible. Okay. You ready? No pressure. I’m saying like high stress moments
Lucette Brown: first that pops into my head.
Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s one vendor? Red flag?
Lucette Brown: Not being flexible.
Christa Innis: Ooh. What’s a client
Lucette Brown: like? Their way or the highway?
Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s a client? Red flag
Lucette Brown: Entitlement.
Christa Innis: Hmm. Funniest guest request you’ve ever gotten?
Lucette Brown: Oh God. I know this is supposed to be a quick fire and this is not quick fire.
Christa Innis: If you can’t think of one, it’s okay to like pass to
Lucette Brown: No, it’s more, I’m trying to think of like, what would be the top, like we’ve had people request to do, magic shows, comedy acts, dances. We had people, there’s always a people who request to sing and they can’t sing.
And I’m always asking why.
Christa Innis: Oh, do they try to do it behind the bride and groom’s back, like out as a surprise?
Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. As a surprise.
Christa Innis: Oh. How do you work that out? Do you have to like ask the bride and groom for permission?
Lucette Brown: it depends on the client. Like, because you, you know, you’re spending up to two years with these people, so you really do get to know them on like a personal level.
Yeah. Um, and yeah, it would depend on the couple, whether I would be like, oh, they would love that, or no, let’s maybe think of a different situation where that might work. maybe not at their wedding. but yeah,
Christa Innis: that’s,
Lucette Brown: wow. So it’s the people who can’t sing,
Christa Innis: I
Lucette Brown: just, they’re like, I’ll sing.
Christa Innis: They’re like, for my first act, I’ll be singing at their reception right in front of them.
I’m
Lucette Brown: gonna start singing.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I just read a story where a mother, yeah, I was a bride’s mom. Planned this whole thing, like took over the whole wedding and then sang for like, I wanna say it was like 30 minutes for like everybody. And there was like nothing they could do. The bride didn’t want it, but like she was the one that booked everything.
Did everything. So she made it like her event, and they were like,
Lucette Brown: see, we have had those scenarios before where I have literally just pulled the plug
Christa Innis: Really?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my.
Lucette Brown: And I’ve done it on a DJ before too.
Christa Innis: A dj. What’d the DJ do?
Lucette Brown: They were singing when they went to, they were singing? Yeah.
Christa Innis: Why was the DJ singing?
Lucette Brown: Just felt like it felt moved by the music. And I looked at the, I looked at the couple and like, she’s just like looking at me and I’m like, is this like, I walked up to her and I was like, is this supposed to happen? She’s like, no. And I’m like, is this part of the service? And she goes, no, I don’t want them to be singing.
I’m like, oh, okay. And I like tried to like in between, I was like, okay. I love that you are trying to add a different level to this wedding. Like, fantastic. Um, but could we not, like, could we just stick to DJing? That would be great, but they just wouldn’t listen. and then it like gets to the point where it’s just like, yeah, okay, you’re being paid for a service.
You are not listening to me now.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: I’m done. So I just pulled the microphone and I’m like, put your DJ music back on please. And just walked away. That is
Christa Innis: wild. To be like, because
Lucette Brown: I was like, whatever. I was like, I’ll be the bad guy. that’s fine. The couple are here to, you know, this is their wedding day.
and then yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my
Lucette Brown: God. Safe to say that they weren’t exactly Welcome back at the venue.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s wild. To just start singing as the dj.
Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like, oh, I
Lucette Brown: can s better than,
Christa Innis: uh, Whitney Houston over here. Just lemme
Lucette Brown: know. Yeah. Felt moved by the music and just whipped out a microphone and started singing.
Christa Innis: Wow. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it all. Let’s see. best last minute save. You’ve pulled off.
Lucette Brown: Ooh,
Christa Innis: I know these, some, these are like hard and like detailed.
Lucette Brown: Probably the one that probably comes to mind was ages ago. and it was at the state library and how it works is like the whole place is on like four blocks, in the Melbourne CBD and we had a huge power outage, but only half of the library was part of the power outage.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: And we had this huge, corporate event, which was this huge like launch for, I won’t say the client, but huge like product launch, all that kind of stuff. And it was happening in like an hour. I was on the phone and unfortunately, like they couldn’t say.
When we were getting power. ’cause obviously we are very low on the list, for when people get their power back and stuff. And they couldn’t give us a time estimate. So we had to completely relocate to a completely different, area in the library. And then with no power. Like with no power.
We had no lifts and we were trying to get ovens and stuff up, the mumble staircases and stuff, and we had to use ramps and it was just like pulling out every trick in the book Oh my To pull the event off. And literally as the event, it all got pulled together as the guests were arriving.
Christa Innis: Whoa.
So just in the naked time?
Lucette Brown: Just in naked time.
Christa Innis: Wow.
Lucette Brown: So that was like, I was what, I think it was like when all this was happening. So you put
Christa Innis: like, fresh in like,
Lucette Brown: yeah, fresh in thinking on my toast. I do remember like pushing ovens up on like planks of wood trying to get like, not, not oh HNS, you gotta get what you gotta get done.
So that was probably the best last minute save off the top of my head.
Christa Innis: That’s wild. That’s a good example. have you ever had to hide a meltdown from a client?
Lucette Brown: A lot,
Christa Innis:
Lucette Brown: Too many to count. So many, so many meltdowns from family members, even like meltdowns from brides who didn’t want their guests to see.
but yeah, the most recent venue I worked at, we had like a little kind of like cottage, which we could put people in. but yes, we would have to move a lot or like, not just meltdowns, just like. Family who’ve gotten too heated and we’re like, okay, we need to separate you guys. and then, yeah,
Christa Innis: it’s like a whole,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
That would happen more often than not. Oh
Christa Innis: my gosh. It’s wild.
Lucette Brown: Weddings, place of love.
Christa Innis: Nice. It’s like a high stress, like any kind of issue or problem gets all just brought to the surface and
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And we would have so many too during the ceremony, and especially come like summertime and you’ve got a ceremony outside and if it’s, you know, a ridiculously hot day and you’ve had people who haven’t eaten and they’ve just been drinking and they haven’t necessarily drunk water, like people just like passing out during the ceremony.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.
Lucette Brown: So that would happen a bit as well.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Lucette Brown: It would go too hard on the pre-drinks.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure that’s pretty common. I’ve seen it happen at a lot of weddings.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: they run wild, you know. Yeah. Bars are open, drinks are flowing. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: this is before our bra even opened.
This is like their own, their own bars been opened
Christa Innis: right. To the hotel or something. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. what’s a wedding trend? You’re over?
Lucette Brown: Hmm.
God
probably, it might be, but wedding favors like Ardi.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s a
Lucette Brown: lot. I just think it’s the price per head is just astronomical these days. I don’t think you also need to be buying your guest a present, which just gets left.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve seen some really cool favors and they’re fun, but I feel like for the most part, they get left behind or
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: Just kinda like, don’t care about them. There’s certain people and I feel like it’s, maybe it’s ’cause it’s like, I love crafts and I love like little trinkets. So for me it’s like, oh, like I remember this from my friend’s wedding. But I would say majority of people are just kind of like, okay. Or they like leave them behind.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. and two, the amount of it would get to the point where you’d be like, towards the end of the wedding season and the staff were even like, I can’t take any more wedding papers home. Like, and the couples would be like, please, like, we don’t want them. And the staff are like, I don’t want them either.
Christa Innis: I don’t need another bottle opener or a cozy,
Lucette Brown: no, I don’t need another, stubby holder. I don’t need another, you know, so many things that people would have. I’m like, I just, we are good. Thank you. Of like a couple that you don’t really actually know.
Christa Innis: okay. we were talking before we started about different phrases from different countries and
Lucette Brown: Oh God, it’s stubby holder, isn’t
Christa Innis: it?
Stubby holder. So the only reason I know what that is now is because someone submitted a, I wanna say it was a story to me. I couldn’t remember if it was an unpopular opinion of a story. And I was reading, I was like, stubby holder, I gotta look that up. and I was like, oh, okay. Because we call ’em like beer coozies.
I’m thinking that’s what, ah, it like, it goes with a beer bottle.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. It’s a sleeve. It’s like an insulated sleeve that you can hold your cold beer.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And
Lucette Brown: yeah, a stubby holder.
Christa Innis: That sounds so much better than a coat. Cozy. I dunno. I
Lucette Brown: know. Cozy sounds cute though. Stubby holders just like, yeah.
I don’t know. That’s Aussie slang for you.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Stubby. Stubby holder.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I
Lucette Brown: Beer.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that used to be a very common, the last couple weddings I went to, I got like. I did get a cool, like beer, gosh, now I don’t know the term of it. Like kinda an old fashioned like beer mug, which was kind of cool.
Lucette Brown: Ah, yeah. In
Christa Innis: one wedding. I don’t know. I’d been so long since I’ve been like at a wedding as a guest. I just helped with a wedding like over the summer. I don’t remember what the beavers were. I don’t remember.
Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m very excited. We were about to go, oh, we
Christa Innis: did a flower bar.
They did a flower bar.
Lucette Brown: A flower bar. Oh yes. We used have the, yeah. Grand flowers and stuff. Yep.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: we had a few we had a lot of flower bars. I’m about to go to a wedding in about two weeks of one of the colleagues that I used to work with at
Christa Innis: Oh, fun.
Lucette Brown: The most recent wedding place I worked at.
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s fun. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So that’ll be fun.
Christa Innis: Have you,
Lucette Brown: it’s always weird been on the other side.
Christa Innis: Yeah. To Do you think you like notice more things than like,
Lucette Brown: oh, a hundred percent. I try not to, and like I try to like switch it off and stuff. And I remember I was at one of my best friend’s wedding just recently and I was there and like I knew like the celebrate and everything, like we were chatting and stuff and you know, I was like, oh, like, you know, what can I do and everything.
And they kept going, just stop, go and enjoy yourself. And I’m like, okay,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Lucette Brown: sorry, forgot.
Christa Innis: You know, I had that problem for the longest time where I would be like. A guest invited to the wedding, not in the wedding party, but I would find some way to like help. Not like I was like overbearing and being like, look, no,
Lucette Brown: like I’m just like, yeah, like what can I do?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I’d be like texting the friend and being like, Hey, can’t wait for your wedding. I’m so excited. If you need anything, let me know. And they’d be like, oh. And I’d be like, just chatting with them. I’d be like, do you need help with that? Because there’ve been a few weddings where I’d be talking to the bride just like a friend of mine they’d be like really stressed about stuff.
And I was like, girl, what can I do to help? So I’d like go over there and help. And they’d be like,
Lucette Brown: yeah,
Christa Innis: why are my bridesmaids not even helping and you’re helping? I’m like, I don’t know. I just like enjoy doing it. My husband’s like, how’d you get involved again? And I’m like, I don’t know. I like doing stuff like that.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, just what happens.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: It’s just part of it. That was, now that my daughter is in kindergarten and she’s just started and like my husband was like. whatever you do, like please don’t, please don’t join the committee. And I’m like, no. Like I don’t have time to be on the committee. Like it’s all fine.
And then last year I went to like the big A GM that they had and I thought I was like signing up to create like a group WhatsApp account for like the moms and stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll do that. Like that’s fine, I’ll do that.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And then one of the moms I was with was, she was like, oh congratulations, you’re on the committee.
I’m on the what now? And she’s like, you just signed up for the committee? And I’m like, no, I signed up to create a WhatsApp group. And she goes, yeah, that’s on the committee. I’m like,
Christa Innis: you are
Lucette Brown: part of, okay great. flash. And I was telling like when I was with all my friends, like, ’cause we’ve been friends for like 20 plus years now, and I was saying, you know, like I’m not being on the committee.
Like it’s not happening. And one of my mates, he’s like, doll. You’ll be president of the committee. Like before I know it and I’m like, no I won’t. Like no, I don’t have time. Flash forward to now and I am now the president of the committee.
Christa Innis: Oh my Lucy. You’re like Al, I just made time. I figured it out. Wait, what’s time? It went from you? What’s his?
Lucette Brown: Aries.
Christa Innis: Aries. Oh, Aries get stuff done. They really do.
Lucette Brown: Okay. Well it went from being the WhatsApp group to then being the fundraising person and like doing all the events and stuff. And then now I’m, yeah, the president.
Christa Innis: Oh my. You’re like, who me? don’t know.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I was like, no, I don’t have time. And they’re like, all my friends who like know me more than me are like, please, yes you will be. You will be on that. You will be on that committee. I’m like, no,
I don’t have time.
Christa Innis: Love that story. That is hilarious.
Lucette Brown: So it’s fun.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You just,
Lucette Brown: we’ll make it work.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like what we were talking about before, I don’t now, I don’t remember if this was when we were recording or not, but it’s like that mom thing we were talking about where it’s like all of a sudden you just make it happen.
Like you’re like, I got two hours. what normally would’ve maybe taken me 10, eight to 10 hours I will get done in. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I’ll get it done.
Christa Innis: Who knows when my daughter will wake up, who knows when she’ll get home, you know, whatever it is. I’m gonna make this time count.
Lucette Brown: happen.
Christa Innis: You’re gonna,
Lucette Brown: it’s a lot of hours in a day.
Christa Innis: There’s so many hours in the day and
Lucette Brown: you don’t need sleep. Sleep’s overrated.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah. It’s
Lucette Brown: fine.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You’re telling me, I’m like, that’s why I was telling you, the second I lay down with my daughter, I’m out because I refuse to nap. I don’t like napping. ’cause it makes me feel like I have so much to do.
I gotta get stuff done. I’ve been this way since like high school, college. I just could not nap. And so, especially now that I’m like. Six hours of sleep every night about if I lay down to sleep. I’ve still not caught up from like when she was a baby, baby. And you get like hours. Oh yeah. God, no.
Lucette Brown: those years are gone.
Christa Innis: Those are gone. I feel like my body’s just always ready, like it’s always fall asleep.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So I don’t
Lucette Brown: know. That was, I was reading somewhere and someone said, it was like, it takes four hours to like recoup like one hour of miss sleep. And I was like, I’m done. I’m never recouping those hours that I lost.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Lucette Brown: That’s
Christa Innis: no for like any new moms listening, this is what I did. And maybe it was like a little d Lulu, but this is what helped me when I would wake up in the middle of the night to like nurse her or just like, you know, if we had to change a diaper, whatever it was.
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: I refused to look at the clock.
I didn’t wanna know what Yeah. It was,
Lucette Brown: no,
Christa Innis: I had to do the
Lucette Brown: same
Christa Innis: so much. ’cause I would like. Not know how tired I was the next morning. Like I’d be like, I’m just gonna drink my coffee and carry on it’s morning.
Lucette Brown: Yeah,
Christa Innis: whatever
Lucette Brown: that was the best thing that I did too. Especially ’cause I had a saying, like, when you’re waking up to like, breastfeed them and everything and you’re just like, oh my god.
And you’re looking at the clock and you’re like, I have been up like six times already. And then it’s just like, you just need to like
Christa Innis: shut it
Lucette Brown: off. Like my husband, like, Hey man, how many times did she wake up? I’m like, dunno, don’t care.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: let’s move on.
Christa Innis: She’s good. The job was done. Check.
Lucette Brown: It is good.
I was a good cow last night.
Let’s move on.
Christa Innis: Yes,
Lucette Brown: let’s
When Sisterly Support Turns Competitive
Christa Innis: Hundred percent. All good cow. Oh my gosh. All right, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. As always, names are changed and here we go. Feel free to stop me at any point, or we’ll just react. All right. My older sister, Rachel, was married before me, but her marriage only lasted two months when she was, hold on.
I have to stop something really quick.
Lucette Brown: you not change the names?
Christa Innis: No. I’ll take, I’ll take this out, this started just like a story I just read, so I was like, I wanna make sure it’s not the exact thing. So
Lucette Brown: the same one.
Christa Innis: Wait, I swear I’ve read this. Okay. Hold on. Let me just pause this. I’m so sorry. And we are back. Okay.
Lucette Brown: Like nothing happened.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like nothing happened. What do we even, okay. Here is the blind reaction of the week. All the names have been changed. Okay. I 20 5:00 AM getting married to Dee 28 male. We’ve been together since 2022.
Started hanging out, spending the night more often than not. Moved in about nine months into the relationship and have been inseparable since. We don’t fight. We have so much fun together and we are genuinely in love. We both lived life as single people before, not as people who can’t be single, which I think is a huge red flag.
It just reassures us that we’re perfect for each other. Never wondering if the grass is greener or so to speak. My younger sister, C 20 F, is engaged to G 25 M. I actually went to school with G. He’s a nice guy. Was super nerdy in high school. Never went to parties, quiet but kind. And in most of my honors classes, when I found out they were dating, it felt weird.
I wasn’t sure how they met since they were not in school at the same time, and my sister wouldn’t tell us, which I thought was odd. She also wouldn’t let me follow him on Instagram. I sent a request and she told him to decline it, even though I’ve known him way longer than she has.
Once a month. Our big Italian family does Sunday dinner at my grandma’s house. When c and g started dating, he began coming too, but at every dinner or family function, they would key to themselves, whispering to each other the entire time while everyone else talked together. Super weird.
Lucette Brown: So is he married?
Christa Innis: I know. I’m like, what’s going on here? Is he hiding something from everybody?
Lucette Brown: Why can he come to family functions? But you can’t follow him on social media.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s very odd because I feel like anything that he is gonna show there would be the same. Right? Sure. Fast forward to 2024. My partner and I are thriving.
We went from renting to buying our first home. We’re both progressing in our careers. We adopted a dog. We’re building a beautiful life together. Now, my sister
Lucette Brown: I just love how this whole story, she’s like, so we’re just doing like amazing. And like everything about us is just fabulous, and we’re just really perfect people.
But my sister,
Christa Innis: there’s been a few stories that I’ve,
Lucette Brown: that in itself is a red flag.
Christa Innis: I know there’s,
Lucette Brown: I love the confidence. Love it. But you know,
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I always have to look at these stories. looking at both sides. Yeah, because I’ve gotten stories like this before where I’m like, well, I don’t actually see how your sister is being wrong.
Like, not saying this one necessarily, but
Lucette Brown: No,
Christa Innis: like, I’m like, wait, we need to look at this, but were different.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, no, I just, but I just love how Yeah. It’s just like, you know, like, we’re perfect, perfect for each other, we’re thriving, which like, they probably are, and like hats off to them, bravo.
But it’s just a very interesting way to like write a story and then be like, but my sister
Christa Innis: Yeah, but look at her.
Lucette Brown: She’s the problem.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Something wrong with that one.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. No, that’s so true because here we go.
Lucette Brown: Continue. Sorry.
Christa Innis: It says No, no, that’s a great observation. It says, now my sister and G’s situation, they still live together in G’S parents’ house.
So they horrible. They’ve been together, they’ve been together a few years now. they’re also engaged. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been together, but they live in his Parents’ house. as far as I’m being
Lucette Brown: financially responsible.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, as far as I’m concerned, 25 is still really young.
Like, I don’t know. I’m
Lucette Brown: pretty sure I was still living, like me and my now husband, were still living with my mom at 25.
Christa Innis: That’s, yeah. That’s so young. We were just barely getting back Bills at 20.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. So we were trying to save for a house.
Christa Innis: Yeah. so the girl that wrote this and her sister’s fiance are the same age, but the girl that wrote this, her partner is 28, so a few years older and her sister is younger.
Yeah. So I think it’s that like older sister thing.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: But like at the same time, like they’re not. her partner’s almost closer to 30 while she’s like early twenties. So I don’t know where I do feel. Yeah,
Lucette Brown: see maybe it’s younger sister and me that’s coming out and I’m like, hang on a second.
Christa Innis: Same. I’m the younger sister too, so I’m like,
Lucette Brown: alright sister,
Christa Innis: slow your rock.
Lucette Brown: Dial it back a not,
Christa Innis: it says, oh, she had an ad in his childhood bedroom. Okay. His two older siblings also live there with their significant others, which somehow normalizes it for them. Neither C nor G has ever lived on their own.
which again, I think they’re pretty young. Especially like the Sister’s 20. I don’t, that’s pretty young. My sister has never had a job. Okay. In high school. She was a total home buddy. She’d even have us bring her food to go instead of coming to family dinners. My dad, I feel like there’s a lot of tension going on here, so she’s gonna mm-hmm.
Everything that annoys her, which I get my dad would make her come sometimes just to get outta the house. She got her license at 18, which might be the most adult things she’s done after high school. She started taking prerequisite classes at a local college, but stopped halfway through the semester, even though my parents were paying for it.
Now she’s been in cosmetology school for a while and keeps saying she’s almost done since December. Okay. When I asked what she’d do after, she said she’d work in an upscale salon we’ve all gone to for years. I told her to have a backup plan since they usually only hire Paul Mitchell graduates, but she insisted I was wrong and said so very rudely.
She still has no income and just asked my parents for money. Which they always still give. Basically, she’s at a very immature stage of life and it’s hard to talk to her about anything. Adult now for the wedding drama. Here we go. Okay. That was all the, all the background to get us ready for this. Yeah.
Before either of us were engaged, she sent a video of her and G in his yard playing with their goat. In the video, G was wearing a black rubber ring on his left hand. I texted privately asking if they got married. She snapped. It’s not a wedding band. Stupid. Oh, okay. And that was that. Then at the next family dinner, I noticed she was wearing a purple gemstone ring on her left hand.
My dad and grandma asked if I knew anything. I told them about our text. They all thought it was strange. A few weeks later, after dating for a year, my sister sent a picture in our family group chat of the ring with a yellow gemstone saying she got engaged. I honestly thought it was a joke because not to be rude, the ring looked like one of those you get out of a 25 cent machine.
My dad confirmed it was real. Oh, am
I?
Lucette Brown: Even if it was,
Christa Innis: I know, like I literally just saw a post today about this girl turned down an engagement because the ring was only $900 and this guy spent like, that’s a good chunk of money still. And she turned him down for that. And so it tried this whole debate of like.
What is acceptable? or would you say, go to this and I’m just like, if you wanna be with this person and they’re spending money on you, why does, I
Lucette Brown: couldn’t care if it was a silver with a cubic zirconia. Like,
Christa Innis: yeah, why does that matter? Does that
Lucette Brown: matter?
Christa Innis: I don’t know. I don’t get that whole thing.
that like old fashioned, I dunno if people still do this when it’s like, it should cost six months of rent, have you before, or six months of their salary or something.
Lucette Brown: I do that these days, but people can’t even afford to put food on the tables alone. Six months to buy a ring.
Christa Innis: I wouldn’t want my partner to spend that money, be like, we could use that for so many. I could be
Lucette Brown: angry
Christa Innis: things. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like, do you know what we could have done with that money?
Christa Innis: I would legitimately be mad.
Lucette Brown: Yes. I’d be like, you can return that now. let’s go get something from, the $2 shop.
Christa Innis: Yes. And especially like you said too, like even if it was a 25 cents.
vending machine, they live, they’re saving money. They’re living at his parents’ house right now. Maybe they don’t have the funds.
Lucette Brown: She doesn’t have a job.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like
Christa Innis: so
Lucette Brown: that’s a bit responsible.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, here we go. I’ll admit it. I was annoyed. I felt like I deserved to be engaged more. Not in a body way, but in a, of course
Lucette Brown: not,
Christa Innis: but because Dee and I were so established while she seemed nowhere near ready
Lucette Brown: and thriving.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is like a tale as old as time. I hate to say it like that, and I’m not trying to come down hard on this person, but like, it’s so hard to see outside the bubble and it stems from like jealousy of like, well, why is he proposing her first when we’re more established? But like, checking the boxes does not mean you’re more ready or less ready than them.
It’s
Lucette Brown: everyone has different boxes to check.
Christa Innis: Exactly. Like,
Lucette Brown: you know, I’ve got so many of my friends who will never get married ’cause it’s just not what they wanna do.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: some of them don’t wanna have kids. Some of them will never buy a house.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Ish there. Right?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it’s all completely separate.
It’s not like, yeah, all right, you bought a house so now you can have a baby. so now you this and I can do that. It’s like, no. Like they’re all separate decisions and every relationship is different how they wanna do it. Yeah. So if you have an annoyance with it, that’s between you and your partner to kind of figure out, not your sister.
Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And you know what she can always propose as well.
Christa Innis: Exactly. it’s 2025.
Lucette Brown: It’s 2025. if you wanna be engaged that badly. Wow.
Christa Innis: Take matters. Falls
Lucette Brown: in your court too.
Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. So she said, still, she’s my sister and I wanted to be supportive. I texted her privately to say congratulations, and she responded nicely.
Sorry, this is long. we’re almost there. Two weeks later, Dee surprise me with a proposal on my birthday. I of course said yes and was thrilled. We called family and friends. I texted my sister a picture of my ring. A real diamond. Four and a half carrots. Hers is Mo. Oh, this reads so mean. Hers is mo, I can’t say the word Mo.
Mo. Oh,
Lucette Brown: mo. Moen
Christa Innis: Moen.
Lucette Brown: Moist
Christa Innis: Moen.
Lucette Brown: I know what you mean.
Christa Innis: I know what Mo. I know what Mo Ignite. Oh my gosh. It’s making me so mad. I can’t say it. Yeah. Ignite from Etsy though. She claims diamonds are tacky. There is nothing. Well, to be about a MOIs Aite ring from Etsy.
Lucette Brown: I was gonna say, I actually, I think there was like a light blue moise and I, which, and I was obsessed with this ring.
Loved it. Like that was actually my preferred stone. Mm-hmm. And the only reason why, when my husband was like designing the ring and stuff, he didn’t go with that was because it’s really soft and he knows how clumsy I am and I would’ve just ruined it. ’cause my rings never come off.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Lucette Brown: yeah, he knew, so he got like one of the sturdiest, really sturdy stones. but yeah, I was like, oh, like I like it. But I really like the blue one that I said, you know, the blue one Yeah. To be ungrateful. Yeah. Um, and then yeah, he was like, oh no, they’re really soft.
But yeah, it’s a beautiful gem.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I have to say, it’s funny ’cause like when we went on our honeymoon, I got a. $25 from Amazon. Like, it was like cubic zirconia because I didn’t wanna bring my real ring ’cause we were gonna be swimming and stuff, you know, we’ll get replacement ones. I got so many compliments on that ring, it was $25.
And I was like, okay. I just feel like it’s about what makes you feel good and who cares if they hundred percent quote unquote fake. Who cares? It’s what looks good for you? she didn’t reply until the next day with a single word. Congrats. That hurt. Especially after how supportive I’ve been sending one text.
Happy Bear. Making a negative comment is not really supportive.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Have you been supportive?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact, I don’t know, it just reads so like, I’m better than you because I have a full a
Lucette Brown: hundred percent
Christa Innis: spirit real diamond.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. But even like, when the whole story started. And you know, she was like, like, we’re perfect for each other.
We’re thriving, we’re this, we’re that. And it’s just like, okay.
Christa Innis: Yeah. When it sounds like she doesn’t really know,
Lucette Brown: are you good people?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because
Lucette Brown: really that’s all that really matters.
Christa Innis: And to me, like it just sounds like she doesn’t really know her sister and her fiance’s relationship. Right. And it’s like,
Lucette Brown: yeah,
Christa Innis: maybe they’re just private people.
Like I know a lot of couples like that that just keep to themselves, and maybe that’s what it is. Maybe there is something more we don’t know, but like, it sounds like she doesn’t really know them, so they could be perfect for each other,
Lucette Brown: just be like, what? They’re 25? Yeah. Okay, cool. Some people don’t like know what they wanna do or like fully come into themselves until even like some people are like late thirties, early forties.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: Like,
Christa Innis: yeah.
Lucette Brown: Let ’em be.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So she says, we chose totally different wedding routes. She’s doing a fully traditional wedding and we’re eloping in Vegas, which fits us perfectly. So far, I’ve had two wedding events, one being our engagement party at a brewery in our hometown. She came to that with her fiance and it was fine.
She had two dress appointments and one bridesmaid dress appointment, all of which I’ve driven three hours away to attend despite my crazy schedule as a dance teacher, competition judge, and convention, convention, faculty member constantly flying around. When I finally made my own dress appointment between her events, she texted that she couldn’t come because she had a veil appointment.
I asked what it meant. She said she was picking up her veil. The store was only 30 minutes from me, so I asked if she could come before or after. She said no. She also had to make a payment for her venue and said it was too much driving. This just sounds like rival sisters. Yeah, and I
Lucette Brown: feel
Christa Innis: like the fact that they’re engaged at the same time is just.
A problem in general.
Lucette Brown: This is, again, this is like the toxicity that it’s just like, okay, if you guys don’t like each other, just
Christa Innis: don’t
Lucette Brown: fall. Call it. Call it what it is. your sisters, at the end of the day, you don’t have to be best friends.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I hate to say it this way, but I don’t exactly blame the younger sister for saying no.
‘ cause she probably feels the toxicity from this other sister. And she’s like, I wanna be in my wedded bliss right now. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I wanna be in my bubble.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because think about it this way, if they, if they weren’t sisters, and let’s say this was a toxic friend,
Lucette Brown: you wouldn’t want, yeah. And I think that’s like, that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it?
Is that so many people are like, oh, but they’re my sister. Oh. But they’re, you know, so and so. And it’s like, yeah, but a toxic person is still a toxic person.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: And if they make you feel small and they don’t make you feel good.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, and obviously we’re reading between the lines. We don’t know either, but just seems very like we’re so much better.
And then they kind of suck. They’re awkward, they’re weird.
That’s the way I’m reading.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: maybe I’m reading it wrong. And you can
Lucette Brown: Well, it’s also how it’s been written, right? Like you can only read the words that are there.
Christa Innis: True.
Lucette Brown: So
Christa Innis: yeah, I reminded her that I’ve been driving twice that to support her, but she snapped.
I’m getting married too. At that point. I told her not to worry about it. I didn’t want her energy At my appointment. Later, my mom found out and told my sister it was messed up not to go, which made my sister mad at me again for telling my mom. Two days later, my sister texted saying her venue rescheduled her payment so she could come if I still wanted her to.
I didn’t reply and she didn’t come. That hurt even more because I didn’t, but she
Lucette Brown: didn’t reply.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, what?
Lucette Brown: It’s like they’re both playing the same game and it’s like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: No one’s gonna win in this scenario.
Christa Innis: No.
Lucette Brown: Like,
Christa Innis: you need like,
Lucette Brown: like you’re both
Christa Innis: a four.
Lucette Brown: I’d say they’re both at fault. Like they’re both, you know, without kind of knowing anything about it.
But yeah, I would just be like, you both. Yeah.
Christa Innis: they’re off. They need like the full, like reset because it’s that thing where it’s like they both wanna be the victim. They both wanna be upset. Like, we’ve all been there, it’s
Lucette Brown: both their wedding, they’re in their limelight and it’s like, well, nothing’s gonna get accomplished while you both think that way.
Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. So she said that her even more because I knew the reschedule story was a lie. No venue suddenly books a wedding two weeks out at the appointment. My mom, who decided to pay for my dress after realizing how much she was spending on my sister mentioned to her on the phone that I found my dress.
My sister never texted, called or asked to see a photo, nothing. The following weekend was her bridesmaid dress appointment. I tried on two dresses that I loved and she said she loved them too. Then suddenly she changed her mind and asked me to try on what I can only describe as a fat girl dress, what, for lack of a better term, this can, that’s problematic.
Be a real story.
Lucette Brown: I’m trying to even like, what the hell is a fat girl dress?
Christa Innis: This is what she is calling it. She goes, I’m very fit and the dress look awful. So she’s making like a fat phobic comment.
Lucette Brown: Okay.
Christa Innis: I don’t typically, there’s been few that like, someone sends me a story and I’m like, Ooh, you’re not the. Okay.
Lucette Brown: Doesn’t sound like a very nice person.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t like that yet. She suddenly claimed it was her favorite. It felt like she was trying to get a rise out of me. I told her, honestly, I didn’t like it and said, if you want it that badly, you can buy it, but I’m not paying for it.
She called me a bitch, but honestly I didn’t feel bad. She’s been acting cold since my engagement and I was over it.
Lucette Brown: She, oh, they both need to get out of each other’s bridal parties and just call it a day.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Just be guests at each other’s weddings. Oh my gosh. She eventually picked a different dress.
Not as nice as the first two, but acceptable. So I bought it and left without even saying goodbye. She still didn’t congratulate me or ask about my dress. Oh. And she’s not making me her maid of honor. Well, why would she? I
Lucette Brown: wanna make my ma of honor.
Christa Innis: I, yeah. In what world should you be? Her maid of honor.
Lucette Brown: Nice.
Christa Innis: I am like, like we need to look out family man myself a little bit and be like, okay, if I weren’t her sister and I was acting this way, or talking about her this way or treating her this way. would that be normal?
Lucette Brown: Like, they’re both like, I dunno, like she’s in the wrong and it sounds like her sister’s also in the wrong, like they just both need to just Yeah.
But you
Christa Innis: like hash it all out. And it’s hard because we’re saying, it’s like such an intense time in their life. Yeah. But there’s a lot to do, a lot going on. They’re both the brides, they already have this like, competition, so it’s like, until they really hash it out, it’s gonna be like that the whole time.
I feel like, yeah, it’s gonna be,
Lucette Brown: and it’ll be like, and this is coming from like, you know, from personal experience. Like, I remember I had someone in my bridal party who I was like, no, like I have to have them in my bridal party. Like they should be in my bridal party. And they were just problematic from the get go really.
And I look back and I’m like, I should have just. it would’ve been a blow up then, but I reckon the rest of it would’ve been fine. Rather than like, just constant little things to like the big blowout, essentially at the wedding. just get rid of it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Snippet while it’s like, while it’s happening. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I feel like we always wanna, like, especially as people pleasers or like, we wanna like, be like, no, I still have hope. I think things are making plus like, it’s
Lucette Brown: that I think you have this, this, you know, idea and you’re like, no, it’ll be fine. Or like, they’ll come around like, they’ll be there for me on the wedding day and it’s like, no.
No.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: just cut it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. If
Lucette Brown: they can. It’s coming from personal, personal experience. Cut it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. If they can’t handle watching you rise or celebrating you in certain, they’re
Lucette Brown: just gonna get worse at the wedding.
Christa Innis: Not gonna happen at the wedding. It’s just not gonna happen.
Lucette Brown: Trust me.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh no, I feel like you’ve got a lot of stories about that.
Lucette Brown: oh yeah. But no, this, this, it’s, Hmm. That’s, uh, that’s something that I,
Christa Innis: that’s after we record, after the recording’s off. so she said, okay. So her heard that she’s not the maid of honor. She’s having three bridesmaids and no maid of honor to keep it equal. that makes sense. It made she made it very clear.
I’m not picking you over my friends, but I’m also not picking my friends or, yeah. No one’s picking. I’m not picking anybody over anybody. Yeah. I don’t think you have to have your sister as your maid of honor. I, I have one sister, I, she was not my maid of honor, she was a bridesmaid. I’m much closer with my best friend.
Same for my husband. He had his brother in the wedding, but he was not his best man. And
Lucette Brown: yeah, the same with my husband.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No one took it personally and it’s fine.
Lucette Brown: move on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No rule. for mine, I asked if she wanted the role and she said no. So I asked my best friend who I’m honestly closer with anyway, so there you go.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: She also won’t be at my Vegas wedding since she’s not 21 and doesn’t have the money to go. So not only that,
Lucette Brown: okay, well, yeah,
yeah, like why would you pick a Vegas wedding if, you know she can’t come anyway? Like,
Christa Innis: yeah. Which I guess I’ve never thought about that before.
I would think a Vegas wedding. As long as it’s not, they’re not drinking. Wouldn’t they be able to go, I guess I’ve never looked into that. Never been to a Vegas wedding.
Lucette Brown: I don’t know. ’cause the laws in Australia is, once you’re 18 you can drink and drive.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: You can do everything at 18. So
Christa Innis: I know the United States is weird about all that.
It’s like you can do like
Lucette Brown: 16, 21,
Christa Innis: 21. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Find you, one could also argue that. Yeah, cool. Asia 18, here’s your car keys and here’s a beer. Have fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like it’s also problematic.
Christa Innis: Yeah. All at once, but all
Lucette Brown: at
Christa Innis: once. I think they’re so strict. I mean, I get on a tangent about this. I feel like they’re so strict about alcohol here.
I mean, it’s different per state. Like where I’m at. I’m trying to think what it’s, if you’re with a parent, you can drink at a, like, you can order a drink at a bar if you’re with a parent under 18. It’s very weird. But there’s like that little gray area though. If you’re 18 to 21, you can’t because you’re a legal adult, but you’re not old enough to drink.
Lucette Brown: To drink. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So it doesn’t make sense.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. So that would be weird,
Christa Innis: but there’s all this like hype around drinking, so that’s why I think kids have like more issues with it because like they can drive at 16 and then they, like thisthing is over their head of like, Ooh, you can drink when you’re 21.
So they try to like, you know, sneak it on, all that stuff. But that’s a whole,
Lucette Brown: I feel like all 16 year olds are sneaking in alcohol.
Christa Innis: True. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: No matter the country.
Christa Innis: That’s probably right. Alright, so she ends it with, am I wrong for feeling hurt and upset? I’m honestly just leaving it alone and doing the bare minimum until she figures things out.
If she ever does,
Lucette Brown: I’m upset. I think you both just need to call it quits and just move on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think like if you,
Lucette Brown: I think either one of you are happy with the either like I think they’re both, yeah, I think they’re both like, oh, but she kiss’s my sister. It’s like, yeah, just make ’em your guest.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like.
Christa Innis: It sounds like it’s so far gone. I don’t wanna say it’s far gone where they can’t fix it, but I feel like there’s a lot of like pent up anger. So if it’s like they both decide that they want to move forward, they need to hash it all out and just let everything else go.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I don’t think either side, like you said, I don’t think either side’s innocent.
I think they both have like some toxicity. I don’t know if they grew up with like the competitive vibe, but that’s what I’m getting. just her phone though, the tone of how she talks about her sister is so degrading. Ah,
Lucette Brown: I was put off from the very get go.
I don’t like where this is going.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. So it’s like, I wouldn’t say like, you’re wrong for feeling hurt. Anyone can feel hurt or
Lucette Brown: no. And your feelings are your feelings and your feelings are always valid. but I wouldn’t say that she’s in the right and the other sister’s in the wrong. I would say that they’re both probably in the wrong.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say your sister has every right to feel upset too, and I feel like you guys need to either figure it out or just keep distance for a bit. Yeah. and just remember she’s your little sister. I mean, she’s five years younger than you. be more supportive, it sounds like.
Yeah. Not very supportive. No. and you might listen to this back and be like, well, you don’t know the whole story. Tell us more. I’ll read it. I’ll try my best. But from this, it just sounds There’s like a lack of support maybe from both sides. And I feel like when you’re too far into it of just being competitive, then nothing can really
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: You’re blind.
Lucette Brown: Oh yeah. I know. I I think if yeah, you’re that, that unhappy with someone, either hash it out because you really care about the relationship and make it work or don’t, and then see if maybe time heals it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Because then neither one of them are gonna be happy if they keep doing what they’re doing.
Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And you don’t wanna hold onto that resentment on your wedding day, either of them. So I feel like either need to figure it out before and then just really truly be supportive of them on their wedding day. And if you feel like you can’t be supportive, then step down from your role.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Thanks for coming to our TED Talk.
Wedding Speech Fails and Social Media Chaos
Christa Innis: Yes, thank you. Alright, well that was a wild story. Change of events. all right. Well. I like to end with a couple of confessions that people send me and then we will be on our way. So these are about wedding speeches. So this one says, best man was tanked and roasted the groom for 15 minutes for sucking at basketball in seventh grade.
He couldn’t get to the point,
Lucette Brown: why would you put that in a speech?
Christa Innis: Yeah, that sounds like a weird like dig at the girl.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: oh my gosh.
Lucette Brown: It just seems like a weird thing to bring up at someone’s wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I think person sometimes when people don’t know what else to say, they just think of like the most random story about the person.
yeah.
Lucette Brown: So we have had some shocking,
Christa Innis: this last one says, maid of honor said it was weird, she wasn’t there. Marrying the best man, awkward post breakup. In her speech
Lucette Brown: again. Why would you bring this up at their wedding?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Not the time or the place to turn it around and think it about you.
Lucette Brown: everyone always does though.
Not everyone, but people do. Baffles me like the day’s not about you.
Christa Innis: No. My gosh. That’s like my nightmare. All right, well thank you so much for coming on and thank you for dealing with my mom brain of like scheduling and all that and being very flexible.
Lucette Brown: Thanks for dealing with mine with responding.
Christa Innis: No, either way, I’m, glad it worked out and I’m, we gotta chat for a bit.
Lucette Brown: we got there in the end.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So again, where can everybody follow you, find your content and anything exciting you’re working on?
Lucette Brown: so on TikTok is events and affairs. YouTube is events and affairs, and I’ve just created a Facebook because everyone kept saying that my content was being shared on there anyway.
so I was like, well, I might as well share my own content.
So I’ve just created a Facebook too, which is events and affairs.
Christa Innis: Oh, good. Awesome. get that verified because there’s a lot of people out there on Facebook that like to steal and,
Lucette Brown: mm.
Christa Innis: It’s creepy. ‘ cause I’m like, that’s one thing I never expected about making content is that people would pretend to be you and Yeah.
Take your profile picture and like
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Someone messaged.
Lucette Brown: It’s weird.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I don’t like,
Lucette Brown: and then like, I get all these like tags in like TikTok too, and like I’m blocked, but they’re pretending to be me. And like one time on TikTok, I literally like, ’cause I had all of these followers and it was all my content and they were literally pretending to be me and I kept trying to like report them.
And then I just put up like a video saying, Hey guys, like just FYI. This page isn’t me. It’s not me.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: I was the one that got flagged.
Christa Innis: Are you serious?
Lucette Brown: I got a strike on my account. I’m like, but I’m me. I’m me. Like, I’m me.
No it for harassment. I’m like, all I said was that. This isn’t like, literally I was, Hey guys, this isn’t me. this is a fake account. That’s if you’re following this one, it’s the wrong one. And I got a strike.
Christa Innis: That is wild. That
Lucette Brown: it’s like
Christa Innis: I made a,
Lucette Brown: so I’ve learned my lesson. Just never do it again.
Christa Innis: Just, yeah, I, I know. It’s like you just can’t even say anything because all you can do is just say like, hi, like this is my account. Like showing it. Yeah. Because I did the same thing. I just changed like my names on Facebook and other platforms and I was like, Hey guys, by the way, this is my only Facebook page.
I share this stuff. Someone reported an old work page I had, so I worked for a mommy and baby company and with that I had like a business page ’cause I would share like videos in there.
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: We reported that and removed the page, so I got notification. They’re like, oh, you’re Krista, MK, b page is gone.
I was like, that doesn’t even share wedding stuff. So I was someone like, oh,
Lucette Brown: okay.
Christa Innis: So I was like, okay guys, just so you know, like. Only report if they’re like pretending to be me and sharing wedding videos. don’t just,
Lucette Brown: yeah, because that, that actually was me.
Christa Innis: That was actually my page. I mean, it was an old job, so it doesn’t really matter, but I was just like, I get it.
You were trying to be like helpful, but it’s, well,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: Well, awesome.
Lucette Brown: So yes.
Christa Innis: Well thank you so much for coming on and
Lucette Brown: Oh, thanks for having me.
Christa Innis: That was a lot of fun.
Lucette Brown: Thanks.
Thanksgiving Special: Gratitude, Growth & Empowering Moments
What have weddings taught me after 45 episodes? More than I ever expected.
From runaway brides to mothers-in-law who weaponize place cards, this past year has been filled with stories that cracked me open, lifted me up, and changed the way I see relationships entirely. In today’s special Thanksgiving episode, I’m bringing you the most heartfelt, jaw-dropping, empowering moments from the show — the ones that made me pause, tear up, rethink, and laugh out loud. These are the stories that reminded me why I started HCTD in the first place.
Whether it’s choosing yourself, challenging tradition, or surviving the wildly unexpected, these moments will stick with you the way they stuck with me.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Check out the full featured episodes here:
- Education Hot Seats, Reality Checks & a Red Flag Romance — with Colleen Borgert
- Hired Bridesmaids, Fake Weddings, and a Parking Lot Party with Jen Glantz
- Baby Bumps, Brawls & Breaking the System with Payal Desai
- Sister Betrayal, Blood on the Dress & Wedding Regrets with My Best Friend, Ivette Bracken
- Queer Fashion, Wedding Etiquette and a SIL Showdown with Kati Kons
- Dress Codes, Divided Families & Day-Of Disasters With Lisa Pontius
- Career Pivots, Friendship Red Flags, and a Trashed Groomsuite — with Rebecca Rogers
- The Mental Load, Modern Motherhood & Drama That Sent Someone Packing — with Paige Connell
- Relationship Red Flags, Family Dynamics, and a Shocking ICU Revelation with Kate Gray, LMFT
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
06:47 A Wedding Day Disaster
09:45 The Role of a Professional Bridesmaid
13:25 Challenging Traditional Gender Roles in Marriage
20:06 The Importance of Valuing Stay-at-Home Moms
21:33 A Wedding Dress Fitting Gone Wrong
33:06 Starting in Wedding Fashion
33:37 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire
34:26 Queer Wedding Fashion
36:13 Wedding Planning Challenges
39:10 Marriage and Personal Timelines
51:20 A Life-Changing Event
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Real-Life Rom-Com – A wedding party meet-cute turns into a love story that proves fate sometimes shows up exactly when it should.
- The “I Don’t Want to Do This” Bride – Minutes before walking down the aisle, a bride confesses she hates the groom… and the solution is unlike anything you’ve heard.
- Internalized Misogyny in Marriage – A candid conversation about gender roles, cooking, and the pressure women still feel to “perform” domestic duties.
- The Dress Fitting Disaster – My own wedding dress nightmare involving blood, chaos, and an unexpectedly emotional hug.
- Fighting for Nontraditional Fashion – How one stylist is helping brides and grooms redefine what wedding attire should look like.
- Listener Story: When “Next of Kin” Turns Toxic – A partner is shut out of the ICU by her boyfriend’s mother after a tragic accident — and the fallout is heartbreaking.
- Listener Story: MIL Wedding Takeover – A mother-in-law forces half the guest list to be cut… for her tennis buddies. Yes, really.
- Listener Story: The Pocket Money Getaway – When a bride jokes about needing “escape cash,” the truth behind the humor becomes painfully real.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
- “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
- “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
- “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
- “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
- Website
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- Youtube
- Get Christa’s Book, Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a kind of different episode for you today as today is Thanksgiving. I kind of wanted to use this time as a little reflection back on the last year. It’s been about a year since I started prepping for and recording podcast episodes, which is just. Wild to think. I feel like I just blinked and here we are. Um, this is episode 45, which I just, I truly can’t believe, you know, when I first set out to do this podcast, my goal was to have 25,000 downloads for the whole year. And as of recording today, which is. Two weeks prior to it coming out, we have officially hit 200,000 downloads, which still just blows my mind to think about.
Um, so I just wanna say how grateful I am for this journey for you guys to listen. And it’s just been so fun to. Be able to share and chat with you guys in just a completely different way than I do in my skits. You know, a lot of times in my skits I play these characters and it’s funny ’cause people comment sometimes.
They’re like, I don’t know if like, when I were to meet you in, if I were to meet you in person, which version I would get? And hopefully none of those. Um, but. This allows me, this podcast allows me to kind of open up to you guys a little bit more, have more conversations with other people, chat about things in a different way that I don’t always get to or don’t find the time to, um, on social media. So I just appreciate you guys for. Listening for downloading, for sharing with friends, and I just feel so much gratitude today. So, um, I really wanted to take the time, you know, it being Thanksgiving, um, to just express that to you. Um, it’s been a lot of work putting this podcast together and. You know, in the beginning I wasn’t really sure what to expect.
And so being able to look now, look back now and see how far it’s come, all the amazing guests we’ve had on the show, the people I’ve met through just creating content, the messages you guys have sent me has truly just been unbelievable. And, um, I tend to get emotional when I like sit back and like let it all soak in. But I’m gonna try my best not to. I, I. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot of the times. I, I am a planner by heart. I love to organize and I love to get things, you know, where they need to be. But I move pretty fast and sometimes I just move, like with the, the, sometimes I just move with the motions. Um, meaning I don’t always put meaning, I don’t always take time to sit back and be like, whoa, what is, what is happening here?
Or, wow, this is really cool. Um, even last night I was like sitting and I’m like. I published a book that’s always been a goal of mine to publish a book and I just like, was like, okay, onto the next. And so, um. I, I was reminded by when I had, um, Lisandra Vasquez on here, she talked about how, um, it’s really good to, you know, when bad things happen, we’re taught to say this too shall pass. But she said, also, with good things, reminding yourself, this too shall pass. Meaning. To really soak it in while it’s there and to really soak it in while things are good. And just allow yourself to really feel the gratitude and to feel, um, the excitement from that part of the journey. So, I know that was a long tangent, but.
I just want you guys to know what this truly means to me. Um, it’s been so great and I have so many more exciting things coming for you both on the podcast with book number two coming out and other things up my sleeve that I cannot wait to share. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys so much for being here. And of course, happy Thanksgiving. I hope you guys have a great day with your friends, your family, and you find things to truly be grateful for. Um. So, yeah, we are doing things a little different this week. Um, as I am reflecting back on this past year, instead of a full new episode, we are gonna be sharing some segments from some of our best episodes, some shocking stories, some impactful moments, and I can’t wait for you guys to listen to ’em all. So we’re gonna, we put something fun together for you and I can’t wait to, and I can’t wait to. And I can’t wait for you to listen and enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week, and I’ll see you next time.
So without further ado, please enjoy this week’s episode.
Christa Innis: You said you have a story of how you met your husband at a wedding, so let’s get into that.
Meeting Mr. Borgert
Colleen Borgert: Okay, so I met Mr. Borgert. we were both in the same wedding party for my cousin almost 16 years ago.
And, he clocked me right away and was that’s the girl I wanna marry. So we got to the reception, danced a little bit. there was definite connection early on. We both went our own ways. the next week he called my cousin, old school, got my number, called me on the telephone. I heard this man’s voice who does that anymore?
So un heard of these days. I know. And he asked me out on a date and we have been together ever since. But yeah, he went up to my cousin who was the bride, and said, I just want you to know I’m gonna marry that girl. And
Christa Innis: oh my gosh, that’s like a romantic story.
Colleen Borgert: I know I love.
Christa Innis: Oh my God. So how is he connected to the wedding?
was he like a groomsmen or He was I guess your cousin’s husband.
Colleen Borgert: Yes, friend. He was, a longtime childhood friend of the groom. Okay. So now they get to be at family functions together and we’re like pretty our kids together. So it’s. wonderful.
Christa Innis: I love that when they’re already like connected, so there’s likeno extra introduction.
you got an in, he’s got an in. and then for you, it was a family wedding, so your family was probably already there. did he like meet your parents then at the wedding and everything?
Colleen Borgert: I don’t know if he necessarily like, them at the wedding.
Yeah. But was invested in the fun that my family can have for sure. We are in good time, so I love that. Yeah, he was there for it.
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s awesome. I love that story. ’cause usually when I ask people crazy stories, they’re like, I try to not put people on the spot, but,
I love that it was like a positive good story. Yes. Because people just remember these crazy moments. That’s why I share them. But like for the most part, there are so many great wedding stories and like fun moments and wild moments about, yes.
Things hanging out. Awesome. I love that.
Professional Bridesmaid or Emotional Support Human?
So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s likeone of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?
Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.
The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. that was the first time that this has happened to me. you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.
But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because that just doesn’t seem right to me. this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.
So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and. My, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.
They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the the marriage license, and they’re not really married.
So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.
They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is
Christa Innis: crazy. It was crazy. like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind oflike it sounds so Crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both yeah, you know,I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?
Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just have to talk about something before they go do their vows.
So likenobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways.
And that happens. not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.
I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.
I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light.
Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it.
I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.
Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and what are your favorite parts of it all?
because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that shifted or changed since you’ve done it?
Jen Glantz: You
Christa Innis: know,
Jen Glantz: I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings.
I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this deep love for strangers and helping people. I don’t know. I’ve always been like that.
It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.
It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.
So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.
Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a party or wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.
Like whether that’s good or bad. And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or know, whatever it is. and I’m
not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.
So if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s the relationship is I am completely going to be unbiased for you.
I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. go through with it go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.
I have no agenda except that my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.
Weddings: Where Chaos Meets Champagne
Payal Desai: I’ve been thinking about how everyone really has internalized misogyny within us, especially like the way that I grew up and what I saw as in front of me modeled.
Everyone has internalized misogyny. And one way that it showed up in my marriage is that my husband loves to cook and he always has. And so when we got married, that was the role that he just naturally took. so we would meal plan together and everything, but then he would really execute the dish.
And I did not want like anyone to know about this. I did not want his parents to know, like I didn’t wanna make it a topic. I didn’t wanna tell my mom because every time it came up socially, like it made me feel like I. It made me look bad. Like I wasn’t fulfilling my duty. And there was even one time we hosted his family over and I made him tell them that I come to the lasagna and he was like, okay.
Christa Innis: Like I’ll tell them that’s okay. Like I’ll tell them that you made it. And I had not, I had assisted, I had sous chef. I was not doing it. And it still counts, but like,yeah. I was so worried about how people view traditional roles oh my gosh, I feel so
Payal Desai: seen right now.
Christa Innis: I still, yeah.
Payal Desai: It’s taken me a really long time to just now proudly be like, yeah, and it comes from women a lot of times, like women will make snide remarks and be like, he’s the one that cooks. Yes. Okay. if I bring a dish to a potluck with friends, they’ll be like, what did he make? This is my husband.
What did he make? He made a buffalo chicken dip and it’s really good. Yes. So the way, the tone in which it’s shared or like just giving him credit, I’m like, What are we doing? Like,there’s internalized misogyny in us.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s too, couples that maybe haven’t, you know, openly have that conversation of maybe the woman does everything.
They almost feel like. I don’t know the right word to say, but like, when they hear like someone’s husband does do some cooking, they’re like, oh, my husband can do that. And so it’s like an instant, like they’re angry that it’s not working out for them. ‘I’m not gonna say who, but there was someone close to me that like, when they found out my husband like cooked dinner for us one night, to their husband.
They were like, oh, you never cook for me. And it was just this like awkward moment. ’cause I was like. Okay. I don’t know. Yeah. that’s the same, my husband really enjoys cooking. And cooking for me has always been like second nature. Like I do okay if I like focus, I don’t find complete joy in it.
Payal Desai: I don’t find joy. I’ve never really found joy in it. And I think that when you are in a partnership like we’ve been talking about, like when one person has a strength and they take it on, it’s not as though he’s in the kitchen doing everything on his, I’m like, behind, I’m cleaning.
I’m sure you do dishes. I’m sure you’re like part of it because you both have to be part of it. Yeah. So I think that when people know he cooks, they just picture me laying on the couch. We have two children. Somebody’s giving them baths, like somebody’s doing something. There’s always something. My hands are never just idle,
but whenever we know that a man is taking on a very traditional role, Society is, wants to criticize that. I don’t understand it. I really don’t get it
Christa Innis: 100%. I feel like there’s so much more discourse about that now and the older generations that almost didn’t really have a choice where it was just like the man goes to work, he comes home, dinner should be ready on the table, maybe even like older.
’cause I. I don’t know. I think my parents’ generation was starting to equal a little bit, but it’s like grandparents’ generation for sure. It was like dinner on the table when you get home. Mom takes care of the kids so now that they’re seeing this conversation, people that I feel like.
It worked for them, and they’re like, why can’t the wife just be cooking? Why can’t this happen? It’s
Payal Desai: you gotta question who was it really working for? who remained extremely comfortable in the way that it was. if we wanna sit here and assume or make the, statements about how happy our grandmas were Cross culture, they were not. were oftentimes burdened without a choice. Yes. There’s not a lot of happiness in that. Okay. So you gotta just be able to critically talk about these things and not just be like, why can’t it just be like traditional?
Christa Innis: Yeah. a hundred percent.
yeah, I don’t share a lot of my personal. Life on out here. But I’ve had two different, molds when it came to my grandparents. And like my grandmother I’m really close to, I don’t even know when it was, I was a kid when she got divorced, but she’s always taught like such independence, like she’s done everything for herself.
And I feel like I learned a lot from her. Yeah. She was like, women can do everything. Like she was an ER nurse and she’s I knew more than the doctors. Doctors would try to come in and they would try to, these men would try to tell me what I knew, and she’s I knew more than them.
Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you go girl. And she was like, brought a lot of that, out of me, because I’m like, yes, not she’s not traditional in that way. So I was like. Yes, we need that. That’s amazing.
Payal Desai: And rare, right? Like I’m sure for her generation that was a little rare and maybe even getting divorced was not accepted by society.
’cause it, wasn’t as common for her generation, the next generation. Yes. It became like more common Women were no longer tolerating and like joining the work for like full-time. You have two parents who are working full-time and if the domestic labor is not, if there is an equity in that, then it’s going to cause conflict as it should.
Christa Innis: Yes. definitely. Oh my gosh, I feel like we could talk about this forever. I love it. Oh my God. Yeah. I’m so like, passionate about it just because I feel like it makes such a difference in the way like. I’m able to parent because my husband’s an equal part. Mm-hmm. I feel like so many women can’t speak up about that or they’re just, we’re pushed into the role of
Payal Desai: I feel like stay-at-home moms are amazing and I think that is your passion and goal and like,do it. Yes. But so many are pushed into that role without asking if that’s what they want or if they want. More. And I know I can get on a whole topic
from that. I really could too, because I think that a stay at home mom, we need to start looking at that a literal job with duties.
And you would never be working somebody around the clock, right? Like you would never give them 24 7 tasks like they, they’re working overtime constantly. Other jobs do have boundaries. Usually, or you can put in place healthy boundaries. And I’m just reflecting on like my job as a teacher, which oftentimes can have no boundaries, but I had to really work to do that.
So you’ve gotta be with somebody who also understands what you’re doing is a service. It’s a job and you may not be getting a paycheck for it, but you’re saving your family money. Yeah. So there is, like a financial aspect of being a stay at home mom and we need to be talking about that a lot more than we do.
Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to be valuing it as Yeah. The full job that just talking about because, I used to work for like a mommy brand and I worked in a mom group and so many of these women were just Almost put in a spot where it’s like their husband controlled every single thing.
And so it’s like they wanted that stay at home job, mom role, but then they weren’t able to have a certain amount of money and it’s No, we like value because. By her doing this, you’re allowed more time at work or you’re allowed more time to do this. and so yeah, that’s one of the many issues in our society right now.
Payal Desai: Yeah. Yeah,
Christa Innis: Wait, I’m laughing because I just realized we never talked about my dress fitting. Should we talk about it?
Ivette Bracken: I just thought about that. Yes. Tell the story please.
Because I immediately thought about that.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. So I can believe I’ve never shared this before. was it my first dress fitting? No, I think it was your second. So it was to try it on. So I went into my dress fitting and I think for that one it was no ’cause
you had already been
Ivette Bracken: there before.
Christa Innis: Yeah, this was,
Ivette Bracken: yeah. So this is your second time. So I must have gone, did I go by myself? I think Jordan went with you the first time, didn’t she? And then I went with you the second time.
Christa Innis: Okay. Jordan and my mother-in-law, I think went the first time maybe.
Yeah,pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and first okay me, you and my mom pull up, or no, you are maybe behind us or something. We pull up and I called the woman and she was like, I don’t have any appointments today. And I’m like, yeah, you have an appointment. we’re outside. and she’s Nope, I’m looking at the books.
I don’t have anything. She’s can you come back? And I was like, my maid of honor and my mom or are here and they live an hour away. we can’t really just reschedule today. And she’s oh, okay, be there in 30 minutes. Can you just go to the local coffee shop?
Which ended up being really cool. That’s a great experience. It was really great ’cause it was friends theme and we’re big fans of friends around here, so that was really cute. But we go back and she’s still not there. And then she like. Quickly comes around the front lets us in. No, she doesn’t even let us in.
I think we let ourselves in. She’s in the back, doesn’t even come out to say anything. And you can just hear her back there and she’s like, yeah,be out in a second. And I was like, okay. It was like another, what, 20 minutes? Yeah.
Ivette Bracken: We were waiting for a while. Yeah. she was a grandma, right?
So she had, was it one grand baby or two? Just the one, I think one was there and she was like, toddler, she was a toddler. this woman is stressed out, sweating. I can hear like in the back, things falling down, being knocked over. I feel
Christa Innis: the
Ivette Bracken: tense, like tension? Yes.
So then she was like, what was your name? I was like, Krista. And she was like flipping through pages back there in this room in the back. And she’s like,yeah, okay, we’ve got your dress. we’ll get it on. And she comes rushing out and puts it in the room. And I like go in there by myself.
Christa Innis: I like, shut the door or did I go in there by myself? No, I can’t remember. And then I like slowly open it or something. And I was like, Eva, come here. And you’re like, what? And so you and my mom came in and I was like, there’s blood all over the dress. it wasn’t just like a couple spots, it was all over, underneath the layers.
Ivette Bracken: Like a trail of everywhere she was touching, which is the whole. Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.
Christa Innis: Yes. And I feel like she like overheard me say that and then like came back and she’s oh, it’s just a spot. And then just quickly sprayed and wiped. And I was like, internally panicking because like in that point of course, sure most things can come out, but it’s just like a kind of a weird thing to be like there’s someone else’s blood on your dress when you’re like here to try it on.
Yeah. I think she was like panicked doing it fast. Like really fast. And I was like, okay, you know what? They said something’s gonna happen wrong during your wedding planning. And I said, this is the thing. And I’m just glad it’s my dress and it’s early. I was internally panicking, but I think at that point you took the lead and you were just like, okay, what’s going on here? And you were like, just, kind, but you were very like, firm with her. Like,okay, what are we doing here? And she’s like,I don’t know. And then she held her hands up and her hands had cuts all over them, almost like she was just moving really fast.
So I think what happened is she had me down for the wrong date. And then when I called and said I was outside, she panicked and was like, I have to do this right now. Which if she just said, I forgot, I would’ve been like, don’t worry. Yes. If we
Ivette Bracken: would’ve known, like it wasn’t just, oh, I don’t have, anything booked, but it’s actually not done.
even after that, you are so understanding. I was shocked. I saw everything happen. okay, late stress is going up. she’s. In the bath, you can feel the tension. Your stress level’s going up. Oh my gosh. Your dress, your wedding dress is covered in blood stress is like up at the top.
But then once I like talked to her, you talked to her. I think your mom too maybe. I can’t really remember, but I feel like your stress level was going down and then I feel like at the end of it, did you hug her or is that my imagination?
Christa Innis: Yeah. So you hugged
Ivette Bracken: her?
Christa Innis: I could tell she was so like embarrassed cause I feel like there’s people on the internet that like here, oh, you’re an empath, blah, blah, blah.
But like I can sense, and some people out there might agree, they might call me weird, whatever. But when there’s tension or I can tell someone’s trying to hold in. if they’re upset, I can sense it. I swear to God it’s like a sixth sense. I just felt like I believe that. Yeah. So even when she got like the spots, she got most of the spots out.
She was spraying it and then I finally tried it on, right? So I’m staying in the mirror and she’s doing her normal thing. But you can tell like she’s holding back tears. Like I could tell and this poor woman, like you could tell she does not do this normally. She kept saying, I’ve never done this before.
I’ve been in business for this long, I’ve never done this before. I’m so sorry. Kept saying sorry. we’ve all been in shitty positions where like we either forget something or we mess up something, we’re late to something. we’ve all done that. And so like I could tell even when she was looking at the dress and I was standing on the podium or whatever you wanna call it, she was like holding back tears.
And I think she felt so embarrassed. And so then when we were booking the next appointment, she was like shaking. I remember seeing her hand shake ’cause she was so embarrassed. And I go, Hey, it’s okay. I was like, it’s fine. we are good. You did a great job. And I was like, can I hug you? And I was like, I remember that.
Ivette Bracken: I don’t even know what she said, I was like teary-eyed I feel like the tears coming right now because no bride does that. just says so much about your character and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.
But no, seriously, It’s your wedding dress. Every little girl dreams about getting married and like having the perfect dress and you have a situation and at the end of it, instead of, taking your dress, going somewhere else, you’re being like, I better get this for free. none of that. It was, Hey, you did a great job.
And I remember you asked her for a hug and she was like, yes. And I saw you guys hugging and I remember looking at your mom and we were both like, just so moved by that. And it was just so sweet to see and yeah, such a good story. And when we left, there was still blood on the dress. Like you said that she cleaned it all up.
She didn’t get it all off. there was still blood on the dress. Do you remember that? A lot of spots, I think. Yes.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I think ’cause I was just like. Why, and I don’t know where this comes from, but I’m like, why make someone feel worse? she probably feels terrible right now that she like messed up or forgot or, she’s so embarrassed because I read these stories with these bridezillas and honestly, most stories that get sent to me aren’t bridezilla stories.
They’re mostly like family related, whatever. but you read them and you’re like, why make someone feel bad for a mistake or an accident or I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, I know you have two and it’s like you’ve seed stuff like that too. People are terrible to people in the service industry.
People are terrible to anyone that’s just trying to help them out. And I’m like, I would feel awful leaving knowing that she was crying because of that situation. I want her to be like, no. I’m still your customer. you’re busy. You do a great job. I obviously came to you because you were recommended by me.
I’m not gonna leave like a bad review or anything. The dress ended up looking gorgeous. I loved that dress. I still love it. there’s so many heightened emotions around weddings and I feel like it’s so easy to lose your cool. Of course, like you hear about it all the time, but you to remember like the people you’re working with are human too.
Like they’re allowed to make this. Yeah, absolutely.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I’ll never forget it. Yeah, I knew, I was like, no, she hugged her. I remember she asked for a hug,
Christa Innis: and honestly, that’s I shouldn’t say out of my character to ask someone for a hug, like a stranger. I know Something came over me and I was just like, she really needs a hug right now.
cause I just, I remember just seeing her handshake as she was like writing the next appointment and I go, Hey, it’s okay. We’re fine. yeah. Wedding day will be great. honestly. And she was like so sweet and she was like, send me pictures of the dress and, all that.
yeah, I don’t know.
Ivette Bracken: I just, she probably went home that day to liketell her family and then she probably said how great you were. And I can’t believe it. She hugged me at the I felt so bad. And, thank God she was a good bride, like a sweet person. yeah,
Christa Innis: I don’t know.
she was great. I mean, I feel like there’s a few groomsmen in her wedding that went to her and Bridesmaids. ’cause I was like, go to her. She’s great. She’s local for some of us and yeah, she was awesome.
Serving Looks & Shaking Up Tradition
I am Katie. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress. I got started because I got engaged and I identify as somewhere in between, female and non-binary. It just depends on the moment. and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment,
Katie Kons: but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really into wedding dresses and I got really into the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.
And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.
‘ cause to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, on Etsy that you had to order From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.
Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.
But I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. and so I started, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s how I got into it, is I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.
they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. And so that’s how I started is I started in wedding fashion and now I do wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.
And then I also do personal styling the side, and I do some red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than the other two things. and yeah, I do a lot of things because I just take on things that I wanna do and I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.
Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I remember. was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.
Good. Because looked like kind of dresses. So it looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was flowy. Yes. I loved it. and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.
Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding. So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind are you looking for personally or do you look for brides or couples getting married, that come to you for that kind of unique look?
Katie Kons: Yeah. So the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, actually tailors their services to the queer community.
And I think that’s important, especially in this time, day and age, when queer people are just being targeted left and right, to take a step back, I think the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but the comfort of pants,
Like you just described, a jumpsuit is gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want but you get the, the prettiness of make a dress, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s I want the grandeur of that.
Christa Innis: but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.
Yeah. Because
Katie Kons: they feel secure in pants.
Christa Innis: Yeah. love, and I think
Katie Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.
Yeah. But suits are just out of the fucking question for a lot of people,
yes. Especially ’cause the options for suits or Traditional man suits, which are like, fucking boxy as shit. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to corporate events.
And then there’s the other accessible suits you find out fast fashion places, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality shit that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.
And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.
Christa Innis: this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?
Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.
Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.
Christa Innis: That sounds and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to control the wedding because I see the make room like you had to, who said
Lisa P: you had to.
Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for a little while.
Christa Innis: Yeah. we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.
Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, I had a feeling, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.
Lisa P: I had a
Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?
Lisa P: Yes. I knew before they got married that she did not really want to start all over is like how she put it.
I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes
Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite happened to me. and I’ve talked about this before, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.
she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.
Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.
If there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. no. If it’s not right so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.
Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s God, what a wait.
Not a lot of waste because a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. you don’t have to get married You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s it’s just not something that, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.
Don’t do it. a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it I totally agree with you what you just said about you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.
So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel So many people have their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.
I need to have a baby. you feel like you have to follow this timeline.
Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the moment. and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two by 30 and like I did, but. now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember if it were just like my then boyfriend, but husband and I,doing our own thing.we’d be like totally fine and then someone would bring up oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?
And it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like.Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that wrong? And you start getting this no, because half
Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so Yeah.
Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. and like
Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. unhappily married for so long without actually admitting I actually hate this.
Oh, they wrong
Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.
Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lisa P: they usually choose better.
Mm-hmm.They get to choose somebody that they truly just wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like,it’s been three years since college.
Like,I guess you’re the guy.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, I feel like it saddles us down. yeah. In a.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s definitely another thing as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.
My husband and I since year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.
Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different financial point in my life and I and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ‘ cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.
But I just feel like it’s so important to listen to your own timeline. ‘ cause I have friends now that are like,
Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that we were sold.
Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like.The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. I try to show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to open the horizons up a little bit.
Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughtershe still very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. some people just really have that desire. but she still is like,maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.
And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you both.
Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that.
Yeah.
Rebecca Rogers: going back to what you said early at the beginning, like COVID in general I think changed how I view everything, whether it be myself, whether it be, the world people, because in reality, like I’ve always been an extrovert, but I used to be much more reserved and self-conscious and social media, the classroom was really where I could be silly and be myself and just, whatever.
And then when social media accidentally took off, I learned, oh, I can be myself. And people don’t hate it. That’s cool. And that’s where I found my voice, not just with myself, but with people also. being able to step into my true skin really helped me. I. Advocate for myself, set boundaries, all be more picky about who I allowed in my life and not.
and of course we’re all works in progress. We all have ways to go. I’m still a people pleaser. I’m still a doormat, but I’m definitely not as bad as I used to be.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know, I totally agree with you. Yeah. The people pleaser the thing where I’m better at saying no. Now if something, if I like don’t have time or I just can’t do it, I still have that guilt though.
I’ll be like, are they gonna think I’m a bad person or a bad friend? And then my husband will be like, no, They literallys not a second thought. it’s okay. yeah, it’s interesting how you’re ingrained in that. But I always call myself a recovering people pleaser.
‘ cause I’m like, I’m actively working against it and telling myself exactly. But I think my like immediate filter is better at reading people now. I had a thing happen where, someone that I had met years ago, and I wanna be very vague.
Someone I had met years ago, and the time that I met her, she was not very friendly or kind. Okay. Okay. But since she had seen videos of mine on TikTok and when she bumped into me immediately asking how I could help her and was like, oh, my thing like over here and asking me all these questions, she’s I’ll send you a message on TikTok right now because I’d really like to know how I can do this.
I was at an appointment, I was somewhere and I was like, okay. And I came home and my husband, I was like, I have no intention of messaging her back. Because I could tell it was for all the wrong reasons. She Yeah, exactly. Just I felt like very used and like icky after it.
And she’s yes. So loudly so people could hear and like being like asking about personal things and I was just like, I sorry. M’s. Not interested in that. I know people are gonna be like listening and being like, Christa’s all over the place today.
Rebecca Rogers: Longest episode ever. No, I love this ’cause I’m all over the place and so she’s really just mirroring me.
It’s my fault guys. It’s fine. I
Christa Innis: love it. actually no, people have said I wish the episodes were longer, so it’s okay if it’s a little bit longer.
Oh,you brought the right guest. Yeah. Yeah. Me. we really could sit and just talk forever. We could. that’s my favorite thing. Oh, go ahead.
Go ahead. go ahead. No, you’re good. I was just gonna say, I barely, other than my husband and my daughter, and then if we randomly go do things, like they are who I see, like I work from home, so if I have a call, I see someone. So that’s why I’m like, the podcast is a great way to chat with people.
Rebecca Rogers: ’cause I’m like, yeah, it really is this job. People don’t realize how isolating this job really is. ’cause in reality, we’re like sitting at home alone, talking to ourselves and yeah, we post it for a lot of people, but we don’t have that human interaction. I always say, and I think I probably said this to you when we were together in Chicago, is that.
There’s so many different types of personalities that do well on social media. and when you find the people that have the similar one to yours, it’s like the most validating and wonderful feeling. And I’m like, I wanna talk to them all day long. It’s, and it’s it’s the best feeling because even in days or moments where you feel self-conscious, it’s like, But I found the people who get me and yeah, it’s beautiful and it feels good.
Christa Innis: It’s like the best feeling ever. Yeah. No, definitely. an industry and heart and hard to explain sometimes. For sure.
Rebecca Rogers: Yeah. Yeah.
Generational Reflections on Relationships
Paige Connell: I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t hate men.
I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and. I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that. Like I actually am a person on the internet who says, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.
And so it’s worth trying to get them there. but most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And this mostly comes from men.
Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. but those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah. I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.
Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?
But I think are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the pushback or have to carry more of that mental load.
Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And.
one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.
’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, what did I see growing up?
What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.
So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer. For their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.
Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? the moms are there. we talk about that.
Christa Innis: yes,
Paige Connell: the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.
We, very different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. we would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm.so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. yeah,have to be hands-on with the toddler.
Likethere’s no other version of parenthood. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we
truly value.
Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.
Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.
Paige Connell: The best
Christa Innis: dad. She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by himself. I’m like. he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stayat home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you saw them for dinner time.
the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like,something’s shifting.
Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.
And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without pushback. Obviously, when you’re talking about deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.
Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good everyone. For sure.
Paige Connell: I agree.
Plot Twist: When Life Says ‘Let’s Add Drama’
Christa Innis: You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.
The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a marriage certificate mattered. Then everything changed.
In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.
His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. she explicitly told them not to speak to me. this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.
Kate Gray: Wow. yeah, we just
Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.
Having kids together, That’s your person you like
Kate Gray: earned your right? Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, you’re just the mother of his child.
Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.
So the grandma was even keeping son away sounds like,
Kate Gray: oh my gosh.
Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.
I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. But this is like the opposite way. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.
What’s her take on that? cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.
Kate Gray: For
Christa Innis: and be like, no, I’m the next of kin.
Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.
This I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.
Christa Innis: And I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. so that’s what I have just context.
Kate Gray: I want context to that. But you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?
And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.
partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?
they definitely need to figure out together.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.
But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,
Kate Gray: yeah,
Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.
I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.
Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?
Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.
Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.
Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.
Kate Gray: I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.
Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s I’m not gonna tell you what happened.
So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.
Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think retaliation basically, which like,
Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s you did that to me while my husband watch
Kate Gray: this.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much he’s my partner.
Kate Gray: or or she just learned from that. this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. you can’t make this up.
Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow
Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about being aware of okay, how could she act out if it was just us?
This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ‘ cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.
they might, some people might.
Kate Gray: But if they did, there’s witnesses now.
Christa Innis: Yes,
Kate Gray: man. we’re
Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.
She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,
Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.
Christa Innis: Yeah. if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.
I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.
Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.
She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is
Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that.
MILs, Feuds & Furry Guests — From the Vault with My MOH Ivette
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
When “I do” turns into “I don’t know what to do.” Wild.
From unexpected guest list debates to a mother-in-law meltdown that left everyone speechless, Me and my best friend Ivette dive into the wild world of wedding chaos. This episode is packed with hot takes, emotional moments, and wedding horror stories you won’t believe! Should couples feel obligated to invite family? Is banning kids a crime? And why are so many in-laws acting like it’s THEIR big day?
Listen in as I and my BFF and MOH Ivette spill the tea, share our own experiences, and remind you—it’s YOUR wedding, your rules.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
15:44 From Acquaintances to Best Friends
19:06 Hot Takes: Kids at Weddings & Wearing White
19:59 Wedding Guest List Drama: Who Stays & Who Goes?
27:15 Wedding Horror Story: The Mother-in-Law Meltdown
32:45 When Wedding Paperwork Goes Wrong
38:10 Wedding Confessions: Bridesmaid Disasters & Petty Payback
43:21 Ending the Drama: Mental Health & Marriage Advice
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Me and Ivette’s friendship journey—how we met and became inseparable
- Wedding guest list debates: Obligation vs. personal preference
- Mother-in-law horror stories: When family feuds take center stage
- Unpopular wedding opinions: Kids at weddings, guests wearing white, and more
- The pressure of tradition: When “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t work for you
- Wedding planning vs. Marriage preparation—what really matters?
- Bridesmaids & boundaries: What’s fair to expect from your wedding party?
- The most shocking wedding confessions submitted by listeners
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
- “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
- “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
- “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
- “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Ivette:
Ivette is not just a special guest—she’s one of my closest friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding. As a supportive friend who has been part of my journey long before Here Comes the Drama was even an idea, Ivette brings warmth, humor, and thoughtful insights to the conversation. With a deep appreciation for meaningful relationships and personal growth, she shares her take on wedding traditions, family dynamics, and setting boundaries in the chaos of wedding planning. Whether reflecting on her own experiences or reacting to jaw-dropping wedding drama, Ivette keeps it real with heart and honesty.
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and if you are listening for the first time, welcome. We are the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings, events, and beyond. And today’s episode, of course, is packed with some juicy stories and hot takes that you will not wanna miss. Now we’re doing things a little bit different this time, and I’m releasing a never before shared episode with my best friend, Ivette. So a little background to this episode when I first. Plan this podcast out. So the first episode came out of January this year, which is wild to think about. We’re almost a year at this.
I like had a full roster of who I was going to interview or who I was gonna have on the podcast. And of course I wanted my best friend Ivette on there. She was the maid of honor in my own wedding. And so I figured, you know, we’d have a lot of fun stories to share. And so the first time I had her on, we recorded, gosh. It was after our, our kids went to bed we were on Zoom. And so, um, I wanna say it was like nine o’clock at night. So we’re both like tired and we recorded, and I think we’re both just kinda like perfectionist. Where afterwards, she texted me the next day and she was like, do you wanna redo it?
Or like, are you happy with it? And I think I was in my overthinking phase of this is just getting off the ground. Right? And I was like. I mean, we can redo it if you want, but like, let’s do a different story since we already like truly like live reacted to that one. And so recently I was like, I forgot we have that episode. And I was like, I just wanna listen to it. And I listened to it and it’s actually really good and it’s a shocking story. And it’s very real, uh, um, not like they’re normally not, but it’s just like. It’s two tired moms, AKA us, um, chatting and we’re just like doing a real reaction of what the story, and we’re just doing a real reaction.
And so I really liked it and I was like, you know what? I’m gonna share it. So I texted her and I was like, Hey, are you cool if I share this episode? I was there’s some really good insight. And um, it was a lot of fun. And she’s like, yeah, go ahead and share it. So I think we were just both in our stage of like, perfectionism and I was like nervous because I was so new. So when I do play it, which is gonna be in a minute, um, we’re gonna. She’ll be introducing herself and obviously since then I’ve had her on the podcast two different times. So, um, you guys, if you’ve listened, you know her now, but she’ll reintroduce herself then. This was recorded originally either February or March of this year.
So we are here now. Gosh. Eight, nine months later. So just to keep that in mind, a lot has changed since then. The layout of the podcast has changed as well, so I’m gonna play that in a minute. But before I do that. Next week is Thanksgiving. And what would Thanksgiving be if I just didn’t say a little note to you guys of how truly grateful I am for all of you. I mean, this is the most incredible community. I never saw this happening. I mean, when I was on my maternity leave two and a half years ago now, um. I just decided to pick up my phone and do a silly little skit. And you guys thought it was funny. And I remember keeping it a secret for so long because not like I was ashamed of it, but I just didn’t really know where it was gonna go.
And I feel like when you start telling people, you start viewing yourself differently, and I feel like you start acting a certain way. And so, um, I kept it kinda like to myself. Only my husband knew I was gonna do it. And it was this weird little thing. Like once my daughter would go to bed, I would like film in the bathroom. And I was like, what is my life right now? But it’s turned into so much more. It’s turned into this storytelling. It’s allowed me to share. So many stories from people from all over the world. I also am able to create my own stories, which, um, if you guys have been following, following me for a bit, you know, I love creating stories.
That’s what I went to school for. I’ve always loved writing. And so it’s just sparked something in me that I truly enjoy. And so, um, thank you to just like any of you guys for watching, for sharing, for listening on the podcast. No matter where you found me or how you found me, I’m just so grateful that you’re here now. And this is just the beginning. Um, this, because of this platform, I feel like I have the opportunity to share more and to help more and to hopefully make an impact. Um. And by the time this comes out, this might be a little late news, but like, for example, with everything happening with people losing their benefits and with, um, you know, I mean just the world is struggling right now.
So many people are struggling and so I did a. Feeding America fundraiser. Um, earlier last, actually at the end of last week, and in two days we raised $3,000, which was just incredible. And so hopefully, hopefully by the time this comes out, we can even double that. And that’s just a little teaser of like the kind of things I wanna keep doing. I wanna be able to help more people to. Share more ways of, um, impacting others as well. And um, I know I’m kind of going on a tangent now, but it just really means a lot to me, this community. And I don’t really take a time to sit back and just really realize what we’ve got going on here. And so to my, from the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say thank you.
Okay. Now I’m not gonna cry or anything. Let me get into the next segment. Okay. So before I get into, um, the previously recorded episode that no one has ever heard before, um, this is a wedding dilemma. So my brand new segment called Wedding Dilemmas or Wedding 9 1 1, um, is where people are sending me. They DM me, they email me current or past dilemmas. They’re kind of going through and they want just. Other feedback from people they want, honest, maybe unprofessional, um, advice from me. Um, what to do in the situation. So I got a longer one today, so we’re gonna read this one and I’ve not read it entirely. So let’s see what we got. Um, if you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me at Christa or.
If you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma and we will get to it. Okay, here is today’s wedding dilemma. So I’ve been a longtime watcher of your TikTok channel, and I’ve actually been engaged for a couple of years, but I was constantly getting met with a lot of apathy and negativity when I first started to try to plan the wedding. Not for my fiance of course. Recently my mom bought my wedding dress, and so we finally started to get the ball rolling. But in doing so and setting the date, everything is getting more real and some people are starting to ask the questions. I’ve been dreading. The main one is who is going to officiate?
That is an interesting question for people to ask because. I don’t think people asked me that unless I’m just forgetting. And that’s also not my first question when I hear someone’s engaged or planning their wedding. Um, it’s a fun question, but I don’t know. Interesting. My dad got ordained a few years ago. Okay. This is why. And he has a officiated, a couple of family weddings so far and he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he really wants to officiate my wedding. We know how I feel about family or friends coming in and demanding or making hints at being a part of the wedding as a vendor. And yes, an officiant is considered a vendor, right?
Fisht photographer or dj. They’re all vendors. They’re typically contracted and paid. So he’s trying to kind of get in there. I would just worked a wedding where the stepdad was the officiant and it was amazing. It was beautiful, but they asked him to do it. He had never done it before and he was so nervous, but he did a great job, but, and they asked him to do it because he’s so meaningful in their life. Okay. Um, there are multiple reasons. I do not want him to do this. The main reason is I’ve given, the main reason I’ve given is that for that day, I want him just to be the father of the bride and nothing else. I just want my dad. That is, that is all you need. That is a great reason alone. But I get it. If he’s been pushing for this, he might not understand, but like, I wanna do this for you, you know?
Now onto the reasons I don’t say to him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was pretty young and he left us okay this off the bat. Why would you want someone that cheated, especially on your own mother to officiate your wedding? I know I want it. Like that’s just, to me, that’s like a bad omen Don’t you want someone that like really values marriage and relationship and building blocks of moving forward? I mean, at least I do. Um, he had kids with the other woman that he also wasn’t present for. Oh gosh. Because he would leave her and get back together with my mom, and the entire situation was so messy. Oh my gosh. So he’s now screwing up and hurting two families because of his own selfishness. At the end of the day, I don’t want a man who couldn’t respect his marriage to officiate mine.
Yes, I agree with you. Number two, I am Christian, but my fiance is not. And while we are incorporating some Christian symbolism into our vows and our ceremony, we would also like to incorporate other things from his beliefs. I feel like my dad is going to push for an overly Christian ceremony that is gonna make both of us uncomfortable. And here’s the thing too, the hypocrisy, right? So. she’s Christian, so but she sounds very like accepting of like her husband’s not, so she wants to do a little mix of like what both of their beliefs. Right. Which I think is very normal and very wonderful. But for the dad to be like, he cheated in the sanctity of marriage.
He cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant. Doesn’t father those children or these children, leaves his families constantly, right. He wants to push for this very Christian wedding, and it’s like, okay, okay, what are we doing here? Um, number three, my dad believes in the role of wife, so to speak, and I absolutely hate this particular belief. Mostly just for how it has manifested with my own mom and how he believes I should accept being treated by a partner if I marry someone. So he probably thinks. even though he cheated, his wife should still accept him back because he’s the man. Right. I have been to so many weddings where I’ve heard very sexist language about the role of a woman, and I don’t wanna hear it on my wedding date.
Yeah. I I wouldn’t either. No. That’s something that I, when I was picking, um, an officiant side story, I was gonna have my uncle do it. He married all the cousins in our family. He’s my godfather. But, um, he was actually expecting a baby. Um, so the timing just didn’t work out, which I was so bummed about. But we ended up finding an amazing afic on the Knot. This is not sponsored. I literally just googled one day and the Knot came up and I found this amazing reverend um, Reverend Marsha. Shout out to her ’cause she’s amazing. Um. And one thing that I loved about her was that we had multiple zoom calls. We met in person and we went over the full ceremony detail by detail.
What kind of, what kind of thing are you looking for? Do you want it religious or not? Do you want a mix of religions? Do you want, um, a prayer? Do you want a unity? Like she really customize it for the couple and then before we agreed to it, or before we actually like had our rehearsal, um, she let us view. The prayers that were gonna be read, she had us view how she was gonna open it. Um, and we were able to say take this part out, put this part in. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about getting married is being able to customize it to you and your partner. Right. So just to kind of like jump the gun a little bit.
Sounds like this Dad was like, this is how it’s gonna be. I’m gonna tell you. How your marriage should be, even though he didn’t live up to his marriage. Um, uh, how it, how even though he didn’t live up to how the sanctity of marriage should be. Right Now, to some of my points, you may say, I need to. Now to some of my points, you may say, I need to just communicate with my dad that I don’t wanna hear that type of language, or just communicate on one type of ceremony I wanna have. But he’s incredibly condescending and dismissive when my point of view opposes his.
Ooh. To be frank, I’m concerned that because this is so important to him, it’s going to have ripple effects into our relationship. It took us years to get to a good place Again, I have considered letting him do the ceremony just because I know how important it’s to him, but at the end of the day, it feels like I’m constantly sacrificing my happiness and my comfort so the other people can feel special and seen. I want to feel seen on this one day. Okay. You know exactly what you want and you know exactly what you need to do. And I’m gonna tell you based on what you just told me, right? You can’t have your dad officiate your wedding. Plain and simple. He’s not going to follow what you tell him to. He’s gonna put his own beliefs in there about.
Your role as the wife, you are gonna have this built up resentment because of how he treated your family, specifically your mom and you kids that he doesn’t talk to. I don’t know if you have siblings, why start your marriage off with your partner with someone that did not respect their own marriage? Right. And I think this is the time where you really need to put your foot down. And yes, communicate with him. Absolutely. But just tell him again and be firm. I want you there as my dad and my dad. Only you can walk me down the aisle. We’ve actually already found Blink to officiate the wedding and leave it simple.
If he asks questions, you can give him some details. Um, if he seems like he’s going to try to do something or grab a mic, or make a speech or take over the ceremony, you need to be very clear that if he does not do this, he will be asked to leave. And that might seem harsh to some people listening, but now I’ve heard so many stories where people do this kind of thing. If they’re not given the position they want, or they’re not allowed to be photographer, they’re not allowed to do this, then Oh, I’m not coming, or you’ll regret it. But I truly, truly believe based on everything you’re telling me and how your relationship is with your father and how you’ve had to work back up to this spot, you will regret having him officiate your wedding.
There are certain things that yes, over time you can rebuild, but the fact that he’s dismissive, still condescending to you and you’ve seen him speak at weddings before where he’s very sexist. I think all signs point to no. So you gotta be firm. If you need someone behind you, obviously your partner is gonna be behind you.
Um, I don’t know his relationship with your mom currently. Um, it sounds like he kind of goes back and forth so. She needs to be on your side as well. Um, get everybody on your side and in the meantime, find someone that you guys both agree on should officiate your wedding and get on the same page. And that point, he can’t fill the role if it’s already been filled. So I hope that helps. I hope that was considered some good advice, but I just, like, I read through it and I’m just like, no, everything you’re saying. He tells me he should not officiate your wedding. You truly deserve to have the best day, feel seen and have a ceremony that really represents you and your partner in the best way.
So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well. And please send us updates. I would love to hear updates and um, hope everything goes well. All right guys. Now as I said, we are going to play, um, my previously recorded episode never before shared with my best friend and maid of honor, Ivette. So without further ado, please enjoy I.
Christa Innis: Welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I’m so excited. I’m just going to dive right in because one of my very best friends and was the actual maid of honor in my own wedding, my good friend, Ivette, welcome to the show.
Ivette: Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never done a podcast before, so I’m excited.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I knew like right away when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it in some way. guys like Ivette is just like. The kindest person. She’s like, we can go on and on about like how we met and all that stuff. But like, basically, our husbands have been best friends for a while.
So we met through them. But, she has been one of the most supportive and I don’t want to start crying. It’s an emotional day, guys. But, she’s just been one of the most supportive friends I could ever ask for. And so, here we go!
Ivette: Christa, when don’t you cry? I
Christa Innis: know! I was just telling someone, it was a joke at my wedding, that, like, in your speech, and Matt, who is Ivette’s husband, Both talked about how I cry all the time.
Yes. And it’s like not always sad stuff. It’s like happy stuff. It’s like I’m grateful listening to Taylor Swift, you know, whatever. but no, Ivette’s such a supportive friend. And so I knew that when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it. So, I’ll stop the tears. Ivette, if you want to do like a little intro of like who you are and then we’ll dive into this crazy, drama.
Ivette: yeah, so I’m Ivette. something fun about me, I don’t really, yeah, I guess, I just met Christa through my husband, who’s best friends with her husband, and it was kind of like a crazy journey because, I had like known, we’ve known each other, but we never really like hit it off. I think it was just, it wasn’t our time.
And then my husband and I were getting married. and Christa was just, again, so supportive, so kind. I think that when you always, like when anyone gets to know you, you always are so warm and welcoming and you always see people. that are like left out in the corner and again, I’m talking about you, right?
But, I’m just so grateful to be your friend. So if I were to introduce myself, I am your friend. I’m someone that has been cheering you on and that, has heard about this podcast. Probably like five years ago before it was even a thing before you even started any of it. so I’ve been hearing about, different titles and, different ways that you wanted to start this.
And yeah, I’m just so proud of you. and being a part of just one episode means a lot. So,
Christa Innis: well, I’m proud of you. I remember you’re talking about like your, wedding. And so at that point when Ivette was like planning her wedding, like, I think it was Matt. Matt might have still been living with us. I’m not even sure at that point, but no, at that point.
Ivette: You guys are like our wedding in the city or when we lived in the city. We lived in the city when we got married,
Christa Innis: right? Okay. Yes. Yeah. And, but I remember like asking, like, we were just talking about your wedding planning and stuff and we were not like super close friends. We were more like acquaintances.
We would see each other at things and we were obviously always friendly. But I remember specifically like asking you like, Oh, what are your, like, what are you doing for your wedding colors? what are your bridesmaids dress? Like just asking questions and then like. Before I knew it, like, I ended up just being, like, a part of your wedding stuff.
I wasn’t in the wedding, but, like, there the night before, like, we hung out, and, like, I just
Ivette: Yeah. And I always say like, you should have been a part of my wedding because you did so much for my wedding. Like, you just have that natural gift to like, want to help people or be there for people.
And looking back at it, like we were starting to be close friends at that point it felt like. And I feel like that brought us even closer together. but even that night, I just remember like, you should stay with all my bridesmaids. Like you’ve been a part of the process, just like be with me kind of thing. And so it was, yeah, really good to have you.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and then it was like we got closer and then when Zach and I started, when we got engaged, I was like, hands down, like, Ivette’s gonna be my maid of honor, or matron of honor, as I guess it’s technically called, but, okay. enough of Cause guys, we can like, Ivette and I could talk for hours and just like, keep going.
So I’ll kind of like forget that it’s being recorded. okay. Let’s jump in to, I always like to start with crazy stories and wedding hot takes. I know we were kind of talking about that before we started. So do you have any like crazy stories that come right off the bat and not to put you on the spot, kind of talk through some wedding hot takes as well.
Ivette: I don’t know if I, I honestly haven’t been, Like in as many weddings as you have, I feel like you were like 27 dresses kind of situation. Like you’ve had so many bridesmaids dresses. I haven’t had any like wild stories. I’ve had some fun bachelorette parties. but that’s really it. Nothing other than one too crazy. So,
Christa Innis: yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And I feel like too, it It seems like so long ago and we were like all in like, I feel like there was just wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding for a while and then there kind of been some pause and I’ve been like babies, you know, all that stuff.
So, okay, so let’s get into some hot takes. So these are hot takes that people sent in. And so let’s kind of react to them and see what we think. So the first one says couples should stick to a traditional guest list Or is it okay to make bold cuts for budget or personal reasons? So I share first. Sure. Yeah.
Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries
Ivette: here’s the thing. I come from a really, really big family and I am someone who’s been trying to break cycles and I think that family is a good thing when it’s people that reach out to you when it’s people that show that they care about you and want to engage with you and have been a process from the beginning, maybe even halfway.
But if it’s someone that feels entitled to be a part of your big day, just because. I’m like, cut them out. If it’s unhealthy, like, I don’t want you a part of it.there’s a part of me that wants to follow tradition. but also traditions can get us into trouble and can get us into cycles. And, unhealthy relationships. And I’m not about that. So.
Christa Innis: Yeah, just saying the yes just because they’re a family member or somehow related or they were your neighbor growing up. Like, we need to, I feel like, evaluate each relationship and how, not necessarily how they serve us, but how we’ve, like, served each other. It might be, like, both ends of it, because I feel like a lot of times when I share stories, people are like, Oh, well, that bride is, entitled. And it’s like, we have to look at it from both angles. Like, have they reached out to each other in the past couple of years? Or has that person ever asked about the bride’s life? Or, you know, that kind of thing. It’s, important.
Ivette: Yeah, and I even think, like, I didn’t have any kids at my wedding, unless it was, like, People that were in the party, like the brides, my bridesmaids or the groomsmen and it was like their kids, that kind of thing. That’s okay. But for me, it’s okay to be like, Hey, no kids, because I don’t want to be worried about kids at my wedding.
You know what I mean? I don’t want them to like take away. And that’s not to say that like, Oh, I’m being like a bridezilla, but it’s more like it’s my day. And I get to be there with all the people that I love. And I really want to like, enjoy that,
Christa Innis: yeah, I think kids is always like a really hot topic because everyone’s like really strongly opinionated and I was like to remind people that you can be as opinionated as you want for your own money, you know, because it’s not up to us to dictate how someone else does their own day or like what their relationship is like some people want it.
Every single person to bring all their kids and add 50 people to the guest list and other people are like, you know what? I’m gonna invite just like immediate family kids or you know, whatever. So that’s so important I think it would definitely I would say this to Zach I feel like it’d be a lot harder now like now getting married with like having so many close friends and their kids because Back when, like, I got married and you got married, like, a lot of us didn’t have kids yet.
And so it was a lot easier to be like, okay, like, we can make a cut here because, you know, there aren’t a lot yet. Yeah. I feel like this is like an obvious one, but do you think it’s okay for guests to wear white to a wedding?
Ivette: No.
Christa Innis: If the couple doesn’t explicitly say not to. No.
Ivette: No, like, you cannot wear white.
I think, I have sweet friends that are like, Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. But if I were a guest at their wedding and somebody else is wearing white, I’d be like, You need to go change. Like, go change. This is her day. That’s not okay. Yeah. that part of the tradition. I’m like, that needs to stay.
Christa Innis: yeah, unless it says this is a black and white tie affair or whatever, which even then, I think I would still pick a black dress.
Ivette: Absolutely. Like,
Christa Innis: I would just feel very, very odd to wear a white gown to someone else’s wedding. yeah, I feel like that’s one of those things where I feel like if you are wearing a white dress to someone’s wedding, you know what you’re doing.
Ivette: You want the attention on you.
Christa Innis: Yeah, you can’t claim ignorance. During the pot. Yeah. Okay. Jumping into a fun segment. Pick a side wedding drama debates. Okay. So these are a couple of things that people also have shared on Instagram. we’re going to kind of call unpopular opinions, but sometimes I read them and I’m like, I agree with you.
Okay. If a parent helps pay for the wedding, they don’t have as much say because it still is not their wedding. I agree.
Ivette: you don’t have to pay for the wedding, like that, you’re gifting that, so I think it’s their wedding, you gift it, it’s not like I’m gonna gift you a t shirt and I’m gonna say like, this is where you can wear it, you can’t wear it here, you can only wear it with these people, so I look at it the same way, it’s a gift and that’s it, and they can spend it how they’d like.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that is a great point about a t shirt. I tried sharing a similar analogy like that online one time and I would say like half people got half in it because I think people are so stuck on. Well, if I’m giving that much money, I better like be there making decision. It’s like you can be involved as much as a bride and groom wants, but you cannot go over their head or have strings attached to every little thing for sure. this can be like kind of a hot take. People are more worried about the party than what it means to get married and have a marriage.
Ivette: Unfortunately, I’m going to say yeah, like I tried really hard for my wedding to vocalize it and in my speech, I really wanted to make it a point like, hey, thank you all for being here, because this is the start of our marriage. And you guys are here, not to party with us yes it was a party, but like to witness this, and the people in our wedding party, including you. I feel like I’ve been invited to be a part of my marriage and like support us when we’re struggling, when we’re having a good time to like celebrate the highs and like hold us in the lows.
And so I think unfortunately, from a larger perspective, it is all about the party and like following the trends and like showing, I don’t know, just like having the most beautiful wedding and the most beautiful dress, but I have been so encouraged. I’ve been with. My really good friends who are, are not, all like that. They’re not like that. And it’s really, they’re laid back and they’re just so happy to be married to the love of their life, and I think that’s what it really needs to be about.
Christa Innis: yeah, I think it’s a really good indication, like, when we see lot of the celebrity weddings, and they spend, like, sometimes a million.
I think I just saw, like, Kim Kardashian spent, like, 11 million at the wedding with, like, Chris Humphrey? I’m not very For some for you. Attuned to those things. Yeah. Okay. So you’re more Taylor Swift. I’m more Taylor Swift. Yeah. Taylor Swift. but yeah, so they spent like 11 million and people think like, Oh, it’s this amazing wedding.
They put all this money in, but it didn’t last long. And so I think people need to remember like, yes, it’s a great time to celebrate with friends and family, but, we should be worried, not worried, but like more focused on is what’s to come. What’s down the line. Because if it’s all about show and, the big day, then we’re kind of losing that a little bit.
Ivette: Yeah, I agree 100%.
The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster
Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so I want to jump in because I know we don’t have a ton of time. So I want to jump in and read, this week’s story. so we’ll just kind of read it and then we’ll react as it goes. she says, or they say, because I don’t know what it is. Okay. Hi, I’ll try to make it shorter, but there is a lot of drama. My mother in law and sister in law showed up late to my wedding, missing most of the pictures, only taking ones with my husband. My sister in law brought her dog to the wedding, not a service animal, and inside the church. Late on the pews and in the reception hall around the food, there was a minor issue with the food being put out by the church attendants that turned into the little old church ladies yelling at my mom and making her cry.
All she was going to do was get the food out for my guests. Okay, already we’re off to a rough start. Yikes.
Ivette: Yikes.
Christa Innis: my mother in law witnessed this and tried apologizing to the church ladies, telling them their family is trash and I wish my son never married her. Oh, that’s bad. That is bad. My sister walked in on the convo and my mother in law stuck her finger into my sister’s chest saying, you’re the worst of them.
I can’t let this happen at someone’s wedding. We then had to kick my mother in law out of the wedding. After yelling at multiple people, she stayed outside the event, throwing a fit, and telling anyone who listened to her that we were terrible people. She somehow got back into the wedding reception as the mother and son dance was announced. Why, I would be like running to the DJ being like, we’re not doing that dance anymore.
Ivette: Like, yeah, no, you’re out. I just want to know like what the husband did. Like, what did he do?
Christa Innis: That’s my thought. I feel like so many times in these stories, like, The bride submits it to me or like someone in the wedding party.
And we don’t hear anything about what the groom was doing or like where he was. But I feel like that should be the like, not tiebreaker, but the person being like, okay. We need you to calm down, mom.
Ivette: Yeah, like, where is he, what is he doing to support his new wife? Like, the red flags, red flags already.
Christa Innis: Like, come on. Yes, especially like this mother and son dance. Why is that still happening if she was kicked out? Yeah. She must, I feel like she like, went and was like, ready for it somehow. Like, went in back door.let’s see. It says, my husband did the dance with her. But all of the pictures show my husband’s mad face with her. So, okay, so he was mad, but he still did this dance with her.
Ivette: It’s so hard. Like, okay, it’s hard because, okay, I put myself in his shoes. It’s like, am I going to regret not having the dance with my mother? Okay. Like I get that. But also like his mom just made his life so complicated because now he has to like, in a sense, choose between his.
New family, his family now, his wife, his family and his mother and that you as a parent, you shouldn’t want to do that for your son, yeah, I feel like, okay, maybe you aren’t,like happy with this choice. And maybe it’s not like your first choice, but that’s on him and for you to do that and like ruin their wedding if my mother in law did that to me, I. Would not be talking to her and my husband supported her or like didn’t stand up for me and my family That would be very concerning.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s an odd thing where you do hear a lot It happens more with Boy moms, where it’s like my son, like you’re taking my son away from me and it seems very dramatic and a lot of the skits I do but so many comments are like this happened to me, this was my reality until we cut her off or something like that and I’m like I can’t even imagine because like I have an amazing mother in law too, it’s like I could never imagine her treating me that way and but when you hear these stories you’re like what is it that makes them so cool.
I don’t know. Is it a jealousy thing? Is it like losing time with their son? getting older. They’re going to miss out. but ultimately they’re just pushing their son further away. Absolutely. I don’t
Ivette: know what it is. Like I only have girls, like, I can’t picture what it would be like to be a boy mom and then have to like let go of my son.
I feel like, I would want to do like girl talk with my daughter in law and like, Do girl stuff with her. So it’s just, strange to me to think.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t know. Yeah, that’s, my thought too. And it’s like, growing your family or adding into your family.
I feel like to some of the stories that I read, it’s like they have these high expectations of who their future daughter in law should be. So if they don’t fit this picture perfect idea of what they envisioned or who they envisioned their son with, they’re going to find something wrong with them. Maybe they’re really close to their mom and, you know, they don’t like the connection or the relationship they see, then there might be, some issue there, but I don’t know.
Ivette: I also, think you, I think this might be what you’re getting at, or you mentioned it before. It’s like, they’re stealing him away, or like, Now all the maybe they spent a lot of time together or something like that Is that we were trying to get out and now it’s like no now, it’s like, okay now she’s a new priority And definitely jealousy.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy I also can’t imagine being left with so many like terrible memories of your wedding being like looking at pictures and being like oh, I remember when this happened like this is terrible like I was like to remind people is like We read these crazy stories that happen, but most of the time.
Drama does not happen, like I said, at weddings, and most of the time you won’t even know if they do happen. but when they do happen like this, people talk about them and share them because they’re like, this is outrageous. So, and not, like, not to scare people away. okay, it ends with, she then left.
Two days later, we met up at a restaurant To talk where she freaked out calling me a drunk B word because I walked around with a bottle of wine for other people and then she stormed out of the restaurant to make matters worse. Our wedding paperwork was not stamped by the county, so we were not legally married until two weeks after this, and then we had to go back and do it again with just a small group. Wait, I thought you have to then do it again.
Ivette: Well, you have like a certain amount of time to like sign the paperwork because If I remember correctly, like they give, like whenever they perform marriage ceremony, you’re not, always like signing the paperwork, right. You’re not actually getting married.
And so a lot of people like, don’t realize that I’m like, oh, we’re not actually married. So if you don’t do it. Maybe it’s like 48 or 24. I’m not sure this is wrong. by a certain time, you’re not legally married. So then, yeah, you would have to do it again. So couldn’t they have just gone to the courthouse and signed it though? They could have. I’m just, maybe they wanted, their family members to be there.
Christa Innis: Interesting. Yeah, that’s like, that is interesting because I just heard, no, where was it? I saw a video of a girl talking about they were supposed to like do all the paperwork for like their wedding coming up and their husband didn’t file the paperwork so they couldn’t get their marriage license.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, like that was something my reverend, I want to say my reverend was like, really like adamant. She’s like, don’t forget to do this. Like you need to do this this weekend. She sent me like a timeline because other than otherwise I would not have known to do that. Like,
Ivette: I mean, I didn’t even know you had to get a marriage license.
And then when you got it, I also didn’t know that it’s only good for a certain amount of time. And I didn’t know that it was like for specific County, which is crazy. Like, I didn’t know any of this. You know, I’ve never been married before. And then, did you know that some people have to get, like, their blood work done? Or, like, yeah, they have to make sure, like, for smaller towns. They used to do this, here in Illinois. They had to make sure that you weren’t somehow related, to each other. So you had to go to, like, a doctor. Improve. Yes. we should look that up. We should look that up.
Christa Innis: We should look that up. I’m gonna look that up.
Wait, I literally just started Googling, did you have to get a blood test? And I literally just had to get married. See, it goes. No, you don’t wait. Most no longer require it. But in the late eight nineteen thirties states began revolting blood tests
Ivette: for
Christa Innis: syphilis to
Ivette: show that applicants were not contagious.
Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was what they weren’t. Okay,
Christa Innis: but certain states it was with like within the last 25 years, they stopped doing it. So some probably kept it longer. Maybe that’s because there was like such an issue. Like people find out years later, like, Oh, actually married my cousin or something. The
Ivette: real, yeah. reason why I know is because my mother in law was telling me when we were getting married, she’s like, Oh, you’re lucky.
You don’t have to like get all the blood work done. I was like, what are you talking about? So yeah, that’s what I found out. So she had to do it when she
Christa Innis: had to do
Ivette: it.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And she probably got married in what the eighties. Yes. So that’s not that long ago. Yeah. No. Well, I guess the eighties are going on 40 years ago.
Wait, is that 40 years ago? That’s over years ago. Yes.
Ivette: I see. I think it’s the eighties, like 20 years ago.
Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go
Christa Innis: Me too. I’m just a baby. I’m like a teenager still. I know. I know. I know. I know. Like what? that would be something actually kind of cool to look at for like future episodes to see like traditions that have changed because that’s the thing too.
I think people are so stuck on traditions when it comes to weddings. And we need to remember, like, times have changed. Like, people get offended when I post about people having private vows. They’re like, well, why even have a wedding? And it’s like, everyone has their own reasons for wanting to do things differently.
Or one girl was posting saying her family told her that her wedding didn’t count because she didn’t want to walk down the aisle by herself. So her husband actually grabbed her at the beginning and they walked together like kind of you and yeah And she was like my whole family said it wasn’t me actually getting married because it wasn’t traditional But I feel like you like let go of some of those traditions I think traditions are beautiful but we also need to look at them and be like does this make sense for me or am I comfortable with this and understand that times have changed.
Ivette: Yeah, that makes so much sense. my grandfather, he passed away now, but, I remember my mom telling me after I got married, she’s like, your grandpa was like, what is this? Like, why aren’t we at a church? My family’s Roman Catholic. And they’re really big into Catholicism. I’m not Catholic. And so I still had, different aspects or different.
part of like religion and at my wedding, but I didn’t want to add a big church because it didn’t feel right to me and my heart was like, you guys aren’t even like married because you guys aren’t married before God. I was like, okay.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like some of those things you just have to like take and just like, let it roll off your back.
It’s like one of those, it’s not worth. Explaining. But yeah, I remember that, too, growing up, in the Catholic Church. It was like, it only, counts here, but it’s like, there’s so many different ways of doing it. And actually, and this is something I haven’t really fully looked into, but the Reverend at my wedding, she does, like, multiple, denominations of, like, Christian weddings or even, like, non Christian weddings.
And, my friend who still practices Catholicism, she did their wedding. But I wonder if that’s even like recognized by the Catholic Church because it’s not a priest. But I don’t know. I haven’t looked into that. So,
Ivette: which is interesting because then like moving on into your life, like if you want to have.
Like kids or have them, like do the first communion or not to get into religion, but then it’s like, wait, were you married in the church? You know what I mean? It’s very interesting.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different. Little things to consider, but yeah, these stories just never, never seemed to shock me. I just feel like, I don’t know.
So I know we don’t have much time I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but I want to end it with our weekly confessions game. I’m still kind of figuring out how I’m like going to do this, but like people are sending me their confessions and I was having people rate it, but I don’t know if that really makes sense.
So we’re just going to read them. Okay. And react to like, your thoughts on it. This person said my bridesmaid from another state didn’t even bother to show up to anything. Just the wedding. Okay.
The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?
So when I read that. I have like a more questions and it’s not like in a judgmental way, I was one time I had questions for the bride and everyone’s like, don’t judge her. But I was like, I’m just wondering, like, the bridesmaid say she was coming to these things and then just not show up?
Or when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was like, I’ll let you know if I can make it to certain things. Like maybe she has kids or she has got multiple jobs and then just couldn’t come to a bachelorette party or couldn’t come to a shower And I think you were the same way, but like, when it came to my wedding, I told my bridesmaids, I was like, you know what, like, here’s the dresses, like pick your style.
If you can’t come to the shower, it’s okay. If you can’t come to the bachelorette party, it’s okay. In fact, I had two people not come to the bachelorette party and I think someone couldn’t make it to the shower. But to me, that wasn’t like high priority. It was like, you know what? I want you by my side at the wedding day.
So I don’t know what your takes are on that. I agree.
Ivette: I agree a hundred percent. Like I said, the other stuff is kind of like the fluff, right? Like, yes, you want them to be a part of like the journey and stuff, but they’ve been a part of your journey. Like that’s why they’re a part of your party, your wedding party.
and actually in my wedding, same thing. I had somebody come just for the wedding. And then they left and I didn’t even see them. I didn’t get to spend much time with them, but it meant so much to me that she would even like agree to be a part, of it and be a witness. To like my story with my husband.
So yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that goes back to communication is so important when you’re a bride and you’re expecting things of other people. There’s gonna be brides that like want things like this and like everyone must be in attendance where these kind of outfits and I’ve never been a part of a wedding like that.
I’ve just heard of them. so I think it’s good to be upfront and clear if you want something like that. Now, if it’s the bridesmaid saying she’s gonna come to all these things and then just bails last minute, then yeah, that’s a problem on the bridesmaid, because that’s just kind of a flaky person.
Ivette: I have a problem with like people saying that they’re gonna come and like be there. And yeah, they come, but they’re not present. I don’t know how to, like, explain that in a better way. that’s just
Christa Innis: hard
Ivette: for me.
Christa Innis: More like they’re checking a box and not actually, like Yes. A part of it.
Yes, that’s hard. Like if you were to invite someone and they were on their phone the whole time. Or sitting in the corner, not actually engaging. Yes. Yeah, then you’re like, why did you even You’re just a body right now. Right, . right. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. okay. Anytime I post about my wedding, I purposely don’t include photos of my mother in law.
Is this next confession?
Ivette: Okay.I don’t really know what to say. Okay. I feel like obviously there isn’t a good relationship with your mother in law. are you doing this on purpose because you know that your mother in law is going to see the post and not see herself? Like, are you doing this out of malice or, are you doing it because she hurt you?
And also I want to know, like, what do you bring to the table? Because, relationships are a two way street. So, like, is this just on her? It could be. But do you have faults in it? It could also be.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and I want to say too, like, I’ve seen on the other side, like, a friend of mine, I’m not going to give too many details because I know she’s probably listening, and I don’t want to, like, give it away, but, she had, like, kind of, like, I wouldn’t say terrible relationship with her mother in law, it was just kind of, like, they butted heads here and there, and they just did not agree on a lot of stuff, and one day she, like, looked inside herself, And then they like, they literally like had conversations and I asked her recently and she’s like, things are amazing.
Things are great. And I think sometimes we like, hold on me. No, we love no, yeah, definitely not you. but She was like, things are so great, and like, she’s like, it was just like a communication thing, and I think it’s also we put our own guards up, like if, or if we see one thing that’s kind of like, weird, then we kind of are like, I don’t know, then constantly have a guard up, or like little things that irk us, but she’s like, no, things have been amazing, and so like, I think there’s always a chance, but.
Oh,
Ivette: that’s good, yeah.
Christa Innis: But this definitely says there’s some kind of animosity between the two of them, for sure. Yeah. okay, last one before we’ll close off. I know you gotta head out. okay, sister in law called off wedding planning to elope, told us to bring food to share at a potluck reception.
I feel like I have more questions, too. only get so much. But, was there a date set and we were gonna do this whole wedding and then she was like, Hey. We’re actually just going to elope, bring some food and that’s it.
Ivette: I want to know like how much in advance, like, what was the notice like?
Like, did everyone already have their rides made, dresses, or you know what I mean? Like, did everyone have all the stuff, all the foo foo, or like paper, hair and makeup already? Cause I think that would be upsetting to me, like knowing that I’ve invested so much. but also. Like, if that’s what you want to do, like, good for you, like, that sounds fun.
And if, I support that if you’re doing it in a way that’s being respectful to the people that are in your wedding.
Christa Innis: Absolutely. Like if you started playing and you’re like, this is too much for me, let’s elope. That seems more my style. Do you grow? Like I’m all about that because so many people regret their wedding.
I think when they don’t do what is true to them and their spouse. whether it’s they went big and they wanted to go small or they went small and they wanted to go big. There’s so many opinions. So just like tune it all out and do what works for you. well, I want to thank you so much for coming on.
I feel, I feel so weird being like formal with you because like not how we talk. But I try to like be like as loosey goosey as possible. But I know we didn’t really get too much into like you personally and what you personally do. But is there anything like I don’t know, cool or funny you want to share that you’re working on, or like a little bit more about you and then, I don’t
Ivette: know.
Yeah,
Christa Innis: I mean
Ivette: for me, I’m all about working with people and mental health. So I just encourage couples that like want to get married to be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, like set yourself up for success and ask really hard questions now because you don’t want to go into marriage and have to ask yourself these questions. your first year, second year, you don’t go to university without first having read the reviews and learning about the programs. You don’t get a job without understanding the salary with the hours of life. And this is like the biggest decision of your life. So, prepare, get ready for the test.
You know, you should be studying, you should be learning each other. and yeah, that’s, really my encouragement. And then another thing that I want to say is if you’re pointing your finger at your partner, Look in the mirror first, right? Like, let’s see what we can offer. Let’s see, maybe areas that we can work on.
And so, yeah, I’m all about mental health and making our relationship work, but in reality, we can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So.
Christa Innis: I need like wise words from Ivette like probably like every week because there’s so many times and I was just saying this to Ivette before we like caught on I feel like there’s always some kind of like mental break I’m having whenever I like we’re like getting together and I’m like panicking over something and I’m like why does this always happen and she’s like I’m your safe space
Ivette: and I’m like I’m safe.
People come to me because you know what, if you tell me like your lowest, I’m going to up you and tell you something lower about myself to make you feel good about yourself and make you see that, we’re all human. We can all grow.
Christa Innis: Yeah. we’re going to work on a regular segment guys.
Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you’re,busy woman. You’re a mom of two. So are you. You’re in school, you’re working, you’re doing your thing. I’m so proud of you and, Thanks so much. Yeah, of course.
