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Maid of Honor Demotion, Seating Chart Chaos, and a Mother-in-Law's Tantrum

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What do you do when your maid of honor says yes to the role… and then acts like your wedding is the last thing she wants to talk about?

This week, I’m reacting to a story from a bride whose best friend slowly checked out of wedding planning, while another bridesmaid stepped up and became the support person she desperately needed.

Then we’re diving back into the mother-in-law seating chart saga, where a simple table assignment spirals into family drama, emotional manipulation, and threats that had me asking… are we really doing all this over a seating chart?

From friendship disappointments to wedding power struggles, we’re talking about boundaries, expectations, and protecting your peace when other people try to make your wedding all about them.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Maid of Honor Who Checked Out – A bride notices her best friend becoming increasingly distant throughout wedding planning and wonders if it’s time to remove her from the role.
  • The Birthday Cake That Said Everything – What should have been a simple birthday request becomes a painful reminder that expectations and effort aren’t always aligned in friendships.
  • A Bridesmaid Steps Up – Another member of the bridal party immediately jumps into action, planning a dream bachelorette after seeing the bride struggling alone.
  • Should You Demote Your Maid of Honor? – We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations while preserving important friendships.
  • The Seating Chart Showdown Continues – A follow-up story reveals even more chaos as a mother-in-law demands complete control over wedding seating arrangements.
  • Threats, Tantrums, and Manipulation – Family tensions escalate when the mother-in-law threatens to cut off her son and withdraw support over table assignments.
  • Why Boundaries Matter Before Marriage – I explain why wedding planning often reveals relationship dynamics that will continue long after the ceremony.
  • Wedding Hot Takes – From guest list debates to family invitations and partner loyalty, I share my unfiltered opinions on common wedding controversies.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “If someone has to threaten you to get their way, the problem isn’t the seating chart.”
  • “You can love someone deeply and still stop carrying responsibilities they refuse to carry themselves.”
  • “Being family doesn’t give anyone unlimited access to your boundaries.”
  • “A wedding invitation should come from love, not guilt.”
  • “If your expectations keep getting smaller and they’re still not being met, it’s time for an honest conversation.”
  • “People show you who they are when they don’t get their way. Pay attention.”
  • “Protecting your peace isn’t selfish. It’s necessary, especially on your wedding day.”
  • “If you give them an inch, they will take a mile.”

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Here Comes the Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and I hope I sound better this week. I know each week will sound a little bit better. If you’re new here, I moved about a month ago, and I’m working on making my office/recording studio a little less echoey and a little more podcasty.

 so I am making small changes every single week. If you are watching the video, you can see I have shelves now behind me, which doesn’t really help much, but I did add this little, like, felt mouse pad thing in front of me, so I think that should help a little bit. I have a tree coming. I have a chair coming, and I’m gonna add wood panels, with some maybe cork boards or something.

 so I’m hoping you guys can hear me okay. I know it’s really annoying when you can hear, like, an echo, so hopefully that doesn’t stop you from listening. I appreciate all the feedback. It’s been super, super helpful. Just trying to figure out what works right now. if you guys do watch my skits regularly, you, you will notice I do film in a bedroom still because…

I shouldn’t say still. I used to film in a bathroom. So I film in a bedroom now because, It’s a lot, the sound is way better ’cause there’s a couch in there. It’s absorbing the sound way better. Here, I have a window with, no blinds yet, and then my French doors, so I feel like there’s just a lot of echo.

However, this is the best setup for filming right now. a lot of things we’re figuring out, but d- it doesn’t matter. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. I just hope you guys can hear me okay. Always open to feedback, so just hopefully this is a little bit better. I’m also trying out this new microphone.

It feels funny kinda holding it, but, baby steps. Baby steps. like I said, I will have a chair, so I hope to film in a different part of the room for a podcast. and yeah, hopefully that works. Okay, starting off, I just wanna read this week’s, review. It says, “Love this podcast. Got hooked on Christa’s skits on Instagram and was so excited when I found her podcast.

Perfect for long drives.” Thank you for your kind review. Again, of course, if you are loving the podcast, please share it w- with a friend. Please leave a review. It really helps the word get out and more people enjoy these wild, drama-filled stories. Okay, let’s get started. Someone sent me a long wedding dilemma today, so let’s read it together and see what advice I can give.

And I would like to just say it is solicited, because you did ask for it, but I’m just giving it from my own personal, experience. Take what parts of it you would like and leave the rest.

The Maid of Honor Who Checked Out 

Okay, this says, “Hi, Christa. I am getting married in October, and I think I’m at my wit’s end with this situation. My fiance and I got engaged a few years ago,

 And I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor immediately. She said yes. Well, we had to postpone due to financial reasons, and finally got back into planning last year. The entire process, I feel like she has withdrawn more and more. It’s at the point where I don’t feel like I can bring up the wedding around her without it getting dismissed, subject changed, or otherwise glossed over.

Like, she has no interest in talking about it, and when we do talk about it, it feels superficial. I don’t wanna force her into a role that feels like she no longer wants, but don’t know how to approach the topic with her. The most she’s even discussed it with me recently is just mentioning the kinds of bridesmaids gifts she got at other weddings and what I might be doing.

That’s interesting. That’s very interesting to me that she doesn’t bring up how she can help with the wedding, but is just bringing up what she’s gotten as gifts being in weddings. again, like every wedding is different, so I do think it’s really important to communicate. But let’s see what else she asked.

The Birthday Cake That Said Everything 

I sent the exact cake, a $25 to $30 Walmart cake, to her months in advance when I first mentioned it to her.

 She also alluded to not having a wedding party or having a very small one when she gets married, always implying I would not have a role. Oh, that’s interesting. This is your best friend. Recently, I had a birthday celebration with her and a few friends. All I asked for my birthday was to not have to order my own cake.

I sent the exact $25 to $30 Walmart cake to her in months in advance when I first mentioned it to her. The cake was meant to be heart-shaped in pink and black with a pun written on it. I didn’t want gifts or anything. I told her I even pay for the cake or order it myself if she couldn’t or just didn’t want to.

The cake was important to me as a milestone of sorts and first time even really celebrating my birthday in years. Important context, my birthday falls on a holiday weekend where a lot of people buy cakes, so it’s important to order my cake way ahead of time. The week leading up to the party, she asked me what flavor of cake I wanted.

This made me a bit apprehensive, but I told her the flavor and offered to pay for it. On the day of the celebration, she picked me up and told me I can’t be disappointed about my cake because she’s really tired and it was hard to order one because of the holiday, so I already felt crushed. We get to the restaurant and she pulls out a cake.

It’s a small, white, round cake like you’d get from the bakery shelf and a few cupcakes. No writing on it at all. I felt really hurt. Initially, she was supposed to plan my bachelorette, but even trying to talk to her about it always gets kicked down the road. I even downgraded everything I originally wanted.

The Bridesmaid Who Stepped Up 

I wanted a weekend stay at a cabin or a hotel and downgraded to an evening at her house to try to accommodate her and make it less stressful. After the birthday party incident, another bridesmaid reached out and asked about my bachelorette. I broke down and told her about the cake, feeling like I was burdening my maid of honor.

She immediately said she wanted to help plan it and take it off my hands immediately. Within hours, this bridesmaid had something booked, arranged for the others to take off time, and even asked me out to lunch to ask my ideas for my dream bachelorette. Wow. I told her everything while still insisting I didn’t need anything huge and she told me she had it all handled.

My maid of honor did not seem put off when she reached out about the dates and took it in stride. I’m incredibly grateful for that friend that stepped up when she didn’t have to. This brings me to my dilemma. ” I don’t wanna take advantage of the friend that is stepping up or make her feel unappreciated.

I also don’t wanna burn down a friendship with my maid of honor and still want her at my wedding. How should I handle this situation? Do I keep her as maid of honor in title but not responsibility? How do I talk to her about any of this? Thank you for your advice.” Okay. This is one of those situations where There’s definitely some hidden feelings.

Reading this through, it sounds like very clearly to me as an outsider, this maid of honor wants no part in this wedding. Whether or not she has the time, the money, you know, any of that, I shouldn’t say besides the point, it does matter, the fact of the matter is she’s not communicating it to you.

The fact that she mentions that she was very tired so don’t be disappointed in the cake lets me know that she’s kinda hinting at, “I’ve got a lot going on, and your wedding is kind of last priority.” And not saying it should be the first priority, because I always tell everyone, people’s lives should not stop for your wedding, right?

But it sounds to me like you’ve been very communicative with her about what you’re expecting, what you need, what you want. I mean, you pretty much wrote out exactly what you wanted for a cake, and it was the complete opposite. I would be disappointed in that, I think. when you have these expectations and you’re very clear about it.

You’re like, “I just don’t wanna purchase it myself. I’ll give you the money. This is exactly what I want.” And she did not do that. So to expect her to do anything else for the wedding, I would completely take that off my list. I would not expect it. So the main dilemma here is this other friend comes in, and she’s like, “Let me handle everything.

Stop worrying about it. I wanna do this for you.” without a even pause, she has everything planned for you, everything that you wanted, and really takes into consideration what you want specifically, and making it true to you, right? So this reads clear for me. you’re going to have a conversation with your maid of honor, and you’re gonna say, ” I really value our friendship.

Obviously, I would not have asked you to be my maid of honor in the first place if I didn’t. However, I can see there’s a lot going on. I understand my wedding’s not the most important thing. You have a lot of things going on right now, so I would like to kindly ask you just to step down as maid of honor.

I still want you as a bridesmaid. I still want you to be there and be a part of as many things as you would like. but for the time being, I just… Let me help you,” kind of thing. I think that’s the best way to go about it, because not saying the other friend necessarily deserves or needs to be maid of honor.

Some people just really wanna help and don’t care about the title. I’ve been a part of a lot of weddings where I was not maid of honor, but I did more than the maid of honor, just because I love being a part of weddings. Like, please don’t give me the title. Like, I was not asking for it. I did not want the title.

I just love being crafty. I love being hands-on, like helping where I need to. So, that’s your first situation though. I would just say to talk to her. Ask yourself what is most important to you. Is it that she has the title? Are you worried about ruining the friendship? Do you think she’d be offended by this?

Because I think a friend that you can have a honest conversation with, and you have a long running, history, she’s not going to be offended. She’ll kind of maybe say thank you. so yeah, I would say first and foremost, just be really honest with her about everything. Say, “This is how I feel.

 I know there’s been some kinda disconnect. I don’t want this to affect our friendship.” and then include her in as much as she wants, but then this way you’re also not feeling like, oh, she’s maid of honor, she’s up here, I have to, ask her for all this help. I have to rely on her. Just do your thing, and if she’s there, she’s there.

Now ask yourself, would you like to promote the other, friend to a maid of honor? Is that important to you? Are you that close to this friend? There’s also no rule saying you have to have one maid of honor. If this friend is wanting to do it just as a bridesmaid, then let her do it. You don’t necessarily have to have a maid of honor unless you want that spot.

Like, maybe you really want a maid of honor speech. Maybe you really want a maid of honor to be there while you’re getting your hair done. You know, like, whatever that looks like for your support person, then maybe sit down with this person and say, ” I’m so grateful for how you stepped up, and I would want to know if you would be my maid of honor.”

Now, how close are those friends? How are they going to react? that could cause tension. I’m not gonna say it won’t, because sometimes people get competitive. People get odd about things like that. are they also friends? so I think it’s just important to ask yourself what you want in this situation, and it’s really hard, but it just sounds like you are…

I mean, reading this story, you care so deeply for your friend. You don’t wanna put too much on her. You understand, you know, she’s got a lot going on. You wanna make things less stressful. So you keep lowering yourself and your expectations to meet hers, and it’s still not working, right? You started here, and you’re like, “Okay, I’ll…

maybe we’ll do this. Okay, maybe we’ll do this. Okay, let’s bring it down here,” and she’s still not able to meet you. So ask yourself in this situation, what do I want? What’s important to me? Is the title important? Is her helping me important? Is her being my lifelong friend important? Or am I kinda realizing through this that I’ve been there for her more than she has been there for me?

 so that’s what I would do. Reading this out loud, I’m like, okay, it’s clear to me that this one friend, the maid of honor, original maid of honor, is not valuing it as much. And again, whether that’s right or wrong, I can’t really say, because- People’s lives don’t stop. Maybe she’s really stressed at work.

Maybe she has kids and there’s a lot going on with her kids right now. we don’t know, right? And so I don’t think she’s a bad person. I think a lot of people, when they get put in this situation of being a maid of honor or bridesmaid, they get very overwhelmed. They wanna do it right, but maybe they’re a procrastinator, so they wait till the last minute and they’re like, “Oh my gosh, I dropped the ball.”

 and we all have different expectations. Maybe you have high expectations and she feels like she can’t meet them. Not saying you do, it’s just important to hear and understand all sides. So that’s what I would personally do, talk to her and say like, you mean so much to me. I still really want you to be a part of this wedding, that’s why I originally asked you to be my maid of honor.

But I can see it’s a lot for you, and don’t take this the wrong way, please still be a part of my special day. I just wanna kinda take, the pressure off you.” So that’s what I would do. I hope that helps. If you have any follow-up questions or things that happen, feel free to write in again.

And again, if you guys are listening and you are going through a similar situation or any kind of wedding, engagement, proposal, family situation, feel free to write in. Again, I’m not a professional in this area, I’m just gonna give my own personal advice, and see it through my own lens. So you can email me, hello@christainnis.com and I’m happy to help.

I keep looking at my microphone because this one, when it dies, it just dies, and there’s like, no like, warning light or anything. So there’s been times I record and I go back to watch the video and I’m like, “Eh,” half of it you can’t hear the sound. 

Hot Takes in Family Boundaries

Anyway, okay, before we get into our main story submission, let’s do a couple of hot takes.

Okay, parents who aren’t paying don’t get a say in the guest list I agree. That sounds like a question. I agree, but I also don’t think if they’re paying, they necessarily, you know, get a say. I think it also has to do with respect. I think as the bride and groom or as the couple getting married, who you want to allow in is up to you.

 if you have parents that maybe you don’t get along with, you’re not very close with, that doesn’t mean they, just because they’re your parents or just because they’re paying, that they get a say in your guest list. I think if you’re like, “Oh, I love my parents, they love me, we’re involved in each other’s lives,” then I absolutely want them to have their friends and, family, you know, here.

So there’s a lot of nuance to that statement. Okay, just because they’re family doesn’t mean they deserve an invite. Yeah, 100%. If your parent is causing stress, you are allowed to set boundaries, even on your wedding day, especially on your wedding day. Yeah, I think that’s where you have to start sometimes.

Sometimes for, like, especially young couples where this is their first, like, thing out of the house where they’re, like, stepping out onto their own, this is the moment where you have to set boundaries, and I think that’s why there’s a lot of tension because these parents still see their kids as, like, babies, as, like, infants, as, like, a part of them, and it’s like, no, they’re, like, in their 20s or, you know, whatever.

 and so I think that’s when you have to really, you know, say, like, “No, this is ours and this is not what we want.” If your fiance won’t stand up to their parents before the wedding, they won’t after either. I just said this not that long ago. S- 100%. If they are not willing to back you up or to be your voice or to stand up with you before the wedding, they sure as hell will not after.

So think about that. If inviting people out of guilt ruins your wedding vibe. I wouldn’t say necessarily ruins your wedding vibe, but it just kind of takes away from your special day. Like, it just, you should never feel guilty and that’s why you’re inviting somebody. You want to invite people that truly matter to you and that support you and love you.

 so yeah, if you just start inviting people and saying yes to people just because you feel guilty, it’s not gonna work.

 okay. But they invited us to theirs is not a good reason. I agree. Just because you were invited to someone’s wedding doesn’t mean you need to invite them to yours. there’s different seasons, right? What do they say for friendships? It’s a reason, a season, or a lifetime. So maybe during that time you guys were really close and that’s why you were invited to theirs, and then now you guys have kinda drifted away.

It’s okay. You don’t have to. Same for having someone in your wedding. You might have been in someone’s wedding, and then when time came for your wedding, you just weren’t as close or you’re just like, “Well, … Maybe they value me that way, but, like, we’re just … I don’t see them in the same light.”

okay, last one, “Weddings expose family dynamics more than a holiday ever will.” Ooh, I agree with that because, it’s like holidays, yes, they bring out a lot, but I think sometimes around holidays, like, you tend to gather towards the people, like, that you want to see. Weddings, people tend to invite more people that they don’t typically see on holidays, which is a weird concept.

 but I know, like, a lot more extended family were invited to our wedding and other weddings I’ve been to that you don’t see on regular holidays. So I 100% agree with that. 

The Mother-in-Law Seating Chart Meltdown 

Okay, here we go. The Wedding Story submission. Now, this is important, okay? On the episode with Lauren Louder, which was episode 72 last week, okay, so if you’d missed last week’s episode, you might wanna go back, otherwise we will play a little clip for you right here.

this is the continuation of it. So she had asked for some advice on the mother-in-law acting a certain way, where the mother-in-law wanted the seating chart a certain way, she wanted certain people invited at her table, and it really escalated. It turned into this whole thing because it was not the way she wanted.

So we gave our advice, and now there’s a follow-up. There’s a part two. So here’s the little clip. so I’ll play you a little clip from last week, otherwise go back to last week’s episode with Lauren Louder, from Burnout Teachers, and then I’ll join you and we’ll start part two All right, guys. Here is the follow-up from last week’s episode.

 Okay, more details because I really need help. I was forced to invite a neighbor of my mother-in-law’s mom. What? Okay, so your Partner’s grandma’s neighbor. Okay. This neighbor, let’s call her Rose, is somehow a distant relative, but I have never met her before.

She was added to the guest list by my mother-in-law very late, and I forgot to include her on the official list. Because of that, I had to order more invitations since only a mailed invite would be acceptable. Okay, so I’m guessing she’s older, so they’re like, “You can’t do the digital one. You need a special one sent to her house.”

I suggested just giving Rose my mother-in-law’s invite, but that wasn’t an option. The 15 extra invites ended up costing half the price of the original 50 because there was no sale going on this time. No, I, I would never just order, like, extra 15. Maybe my original I ordered extra, but if they’re done, they’re done, or I will take a picture and I will print it out myself at, like, Walgreens.

Sorry. Maybe I’m cheap But she got a peek at their seating chart and was not happy about it, and she said, basically it was, like, her brother and sister were not at her table because they wanted to combine the parents together, so, like, the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents at one table.

Okay? So at her table, I placed her brother and his wife, her sister and her husband, my father-in-law’s sister and her friend, and my father-in-law’s brother and his wife. At the table right next to them, I placed my mother-in-law’s mom, and her brother, and his wife, and my father-in-law’s friends. Okay, my father-in-law’s parents, Rose and her daughter.

I’m trying to, like, picture this, you guys. This is a lot of people. And my father-in-law’s nephew, and his wife, and two children. I thought this setup made sense. It keeps people seated with those they know a while those they know while still integrating both sides of the family. For context, my fiance really cares about having one big family photo with both sides of the family together, rather than separating everyone.

However, my mother-in-law is now demanding that I switch the tables. She wants me to move her mom, brother, and his wife to her table, and remove my father-in-law’s family members from it. Oh my gosh. She’s completely ignoring the fact that this would separate her own mother from Rose. So she just wants to take the one person…

Oh, my gosh. I offered a compromise. Her table can be entirely her side of the family, and my father-in-law’s family could move to the next table. I also explained that I’m uncomfortable placing Rose and her daughter right next to our sweetheart table since I’ve never even met them. Yeah, that would be weird for me.

Despite this, my mother-in-law has been throwing a full tantrum for the past 24 hours since seeing the seating chart. She is demanding that her table be filled exactly how she wants it. The tantrum thing, the tantrum thing, you guys. She has been emotionally manipulating my fiance, and now my father-in-law has called him, yelled at him, and told him that I need to call him.

No. We said this before last time, your fiance needs to be the person that talks to them. They cannot be yelling at you saying, “You did this,” and, “You’re doing this wrong.” This is not up to you. You need to let him handle it. Like, you guys can work together, but if he, is just, like, step-battling out and, like, having you deal with them directly, that’s, like, a red flag, which I don’t see him doing What’s frustrating is that none of them have ever come to me directly with issues, even though I’m the one doing all the planning and putting in the time, effort, and care into every detail of this wedding.

A Wedding Ultimatum Over a Table Assignment 

She refuses to accept my compromise, and claims if I don’t change the seating it will ruin her relationship with her mom and brother because they will feel slighted. This is so odd to me because your relationship must already be so tarnished with them that if seeing them at one other table, like next to you, we’re not even talking like in a different room.

They’re at a table next to you. If that will tarnish your relationship, it’s already doomed. Like, why are you putting the future of your relationship with your mother and your brother on your future daughter-in-law? Like, that’s not fair. That’s not fair to her. I feel like if I give in, I’m teaching her that she can throw a tantrum and get whatever she wants for the rest of her life.

At the same time, I understand that this behavior is likely comes from her own upbringing, so I do feel some empathy for her. See? I’m an empathetic person too, and let me tell you, it holds me back sometimes because you always try to see the other person’s point of view. And I’m not saying it’s bad to be empathetic because, like I said, I tend to be very empathetic.

 it’s hard sometimes, right? But here’s the thing, if you’re always thinking about the other person before yourself, you are gonna always be in these predicaments. And it’s that common phrase of if you give them an inch, they will take a mile, and this kind of person will absolutely do that. Now, I do think there are some things for a wedding where at the end of the day, does it really matter?

Like, okay, whatever, we’re gonna move the tables around. Sure, fine. But if as you’re doing it and you’re thinking about it and like, “That doesn’t make sense. No, I don’t wanna do that for my wedding,” don’t do it, ‘ cause yes, absolutely, if you give her this little bit and give her that control, she is gonna come back and go 10 times harder.

” Well, okay, well, now I need this. Okay, well, actually, I showed my mom the seating chart and she doesn’t like this, so now we have to go fix it back.” So I can see, I could literally see her mom or the mom coming back and wanting a new change after this. I even offered to personally explain the seating chart to her mom and brother so they know my mother-in-law had no involvement in it.

I just don’t know what to do. My in-laws were supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner and a post-wedding brunch, which was already a fight, and they were supposed to watch our 14-month-old puppy during our two-week honeymoon. But now she has threatened to cut off my fiancé after the wedding and refuses to dog-sit.

Okay.

Anyone that refuses or threatens by saying they’re gonna cut you off because of a seating chart, no. No. we’re not giving this person what they want, ‘ cause this is a toddler. they are throwing a toddler tantrum. ” If you don’t give me what I want, I’m never talking to you again because you’re a big meanie.”

Okay Okay. Then don’t. Like, what? And I get, like, your husband, or your, soon-to-be husband is now, like, kind of in the middle of it, but it’s his parents, so he has to be that voice of reason, because they’re just gonna point at you and say, “Well, she did this, she said this.” So he needs to be the one that says, ” I did this with her.

We worked on this together. This was really hard. This made the most sense. You’re literally gonna be five feet away from your mom. It will be okay. I will talk to Grandma myself,” and just do it. Grandma might not even care. Grandma … You know what? Grandma is probably just happy to be there. The brother might just ha- be happy to be there.

Again, if them sitting at one table over is going to ruin your entire relationship with them, you already do not have a good relationship with them, and that is not for your daughter-in-law to take the blame for. Come on. And the fact that they’re already, like, threatening to not help with the puppy or cut the son off after, nah.

Over a seating chart? Really? Come on. You’re not even at the table that long. You eat and you go dance or whatever. I mean, she probably doesn’t dance. She probably just mopes, but you know what I’m saying? People move after you eat. It’s not that big of a deal. ” I’m honestly at a loss. I’ve already offered a compromise that requires me to redo large part of the seating chart, and it’s still not enough, because it’s not exactly what she wants.

I’m trying to set a boundary without completely destroying my fiance’s relationship with his parents, but I don’t know how to move forward.” First and foremost, you would not be ruining the relationship, it’s her. You are not doing anything to ruin this relationship. It is 100% on her. She’s making the choice to make this about her.

She’s making the choice to threaten. She is making the choice to throw this tantrum. It’s not you. This is your wedding with your partner, with your soon-to-be husband. You guys put together the seating chart. This is what made the most sense for you. And if she had come to you and was nicely like, “Hey, I just have a question.

Like, I saw the seating chart while I was dog sitting. Sorry, it fell out. Ugh. Okay. and I have a question, because I really wanted my mom and my brother at my table. Like, it would really mean a lot to me,” I bet you, you would be way more likely to move things around and get her in there. But because she’s acting like this, and maybe it’s spiteful

I have a tendency to be a little spiteful, I’ll admit it. But if someone came to me and said, “You need to do this, or I will never talk to you again,” I’d be like, ” Okay, don’t threaten me with a good time.” Because she’s literally saying, ” Do what I want- Or else. And I don’t, I don’t F with people like that.feeling a little sassy today.

So that’s my advice for this. I know you need a lot of advice, and we’re gonna see if We have more, another part to this, maybe another update coming soon. But I really think you need to keep your foot down because at the end of the day, like you said, you have two different tables. There’s a lot of family to include and put together.

You have mother-in-law’s family, father-in-law’s family. and it’s her attitude about the whole thing. Like, literally, if she would’ve just come in and said, ” Hey, would you mind? Is there any possible way you could do this?” Instead of threatening. And if I remember correctly, in the first part that you sent to us, she already was very difficult.

She already had an attitude. She already had tantrums. This is someone that wants to have control. oh, and she said the thing about her baby boy, and you’re taking my baby boy away from me like, icky, no, gross. So that’s what I have to say about that. I hope that helps, and send me an update because we gotta know how this all plays out.

Again, tell your fiance, soon-to-be husband, he needs to be the voice to his mother because you’re gonna… Either way, they’re gonna paint you the villain. And so he needs to be on the same page as you, and he needs to set, Lay down the law, okay? Oh, gosh, I am, like, riled up from that.

All right. Here we go. Confession time. Let’s get to confessions. Hopefully the echo was okay during this episode. You guys can let me know. Like I said, I’ve got some more things coming for the office, so it should sound better. Soon I will have, like, a little, like, dedicated, podcast area of this room, so hopefully it works.

I’ll also be adding blinds, which will absorb things and all that good stuff. Okay, so this says, “Confession time. This week we ask, who caused you the most stress during your wedding planning?” This person said, “COVID.” I can only imagine. I know a lot of people that were supposed to get married in 2020, like, during the height of COVID, and had to cancel, postpone.

There were wedding venue issues. It was very stressful. Person said, “A bridesmaid with sudden drama.” ” Does groomzilla and my mother count?” ” Mother-in-law.” ” Hubby’s best female friend who was also sister of the photographer. Go figure.” Gonna need more to that story. ” My dad asking me 30 seconds before walking down the aisle if I was sure I wanted to do this.”

No better time than right now. ” My husband.” ” My mom.” These are short, so I’m just gonna read them all. ” My mother.” “DJ.” The DJ? The DJ. Tell me more. Tell me more. ” My niece being drunk and fighting everyone. It was so embarrassing.” No. Why are we fighting people, guys? Come on. ” The bride.” Who wrote that? ” My new husband.”

“Okay, my mother got roped into spending $1,000 last minute because she didn’t plan right. Okay. my father-in-law’s friends. Gonna need more to that story, too. All right I’m thinking about my own wedding, and honestly, I don’t think anyone caused … I don’t … I feel very lucky reading these stories. I don’t think anyone caused me that, like, stress, and I’m not just saying that, because I was like da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Like, if anything, it would be, like, not hearing from a vendor, but, like, for the most part, all of our vendors were, like, pretty spot on, so nothing to worry about. All right, guys, that’s all I have for this week. Thanks for hanging out with me, and I will see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Burnt Out Teachers, Glass in the Cake, and Seating Chart Wars with Lauren Lowder

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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“Imagine biting into a wedding cake… and hearing a crunch.” 😳

This week, Christa is joined by Lauren Lowder from Burnt Out Teachers, and somehow the conversation goes from classroom chaos to one of the most horrifying wedding stories imaginable. From a painfully awkward best man speech to a wedding cake that allegedly had shattered glass inside of it, this episode unlocks an entirely new fear.

Christa and Lauren also react to a listener submission about a future mother-in-law spiraling over a seating chart and threatening to cut off her own son before the wedding. Together, they unpack toxic family dynamics, emotional manipulation, boundaries, and why some people treat weddings like emotional warfare instead of celebrations.

Plus, Lauren opens up about her viral teacher skits, the realities of burnout, and how humor and storytelling can help people feel seen and validated. If you love messy family drama, awkward wedding moments, and conversations that feel like gossiping with your funniest friend, this episode is for you.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • A Viral Teacher Journey – Lauren shares how leaving the classroom led her to creating Burnt Out Teachers and building a huge online community through relatable teacher stories and skits.
  • The Evolution of Miss Bunker – What started as a joke character turned into the chaotic teacher icon people now fully root for online.
  • The Most Painfully Awkward Best Man Speech Ever – A wedding speech goes completely off the rails when the best man drags out a joke so long the entire room falls silent.
  • The Wedding Cake Horror Story – Guests unknowingly eat cake that allegedly contained shattered glass, creating instant panic at the reception.
  • Toxic MIL Seating Chart Drama – A future mother-in-law threatens to cut off her own son over where she’s seated at the wedding reception.
  • Boundaries, Burnout, and Difficult Parents – Lauren opens up about the emotional reality of teaching and why so many educators feel unable to set boundaries.
  • The Internet vs. Reality – Christa and Lauren discuss why social media storytelling can validate people’s experiences while also opening up important conversations.
  • Wedding Confessions & Hot Takes – The episode wraps with listener confessions involving awkward speeches, uncomfortable bridesmaid dresses, and parents turning weddings into advertisements.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “You can say, ‘Hey, is there any way this could work?’ without threatening to never talk to your son again.” – Christa Innis
  • “At a wedding, you’re sitting down eating for such a short period of time. Does it really matter that much?” – Christa Innis
  • “Someone like this, you can’t really barter with. If they don’t get their way, they’re gonna find something to be upset about.” – Christa Innis
  • “I feel like social media opens people’s eyes to conversations they didn’t even realize were happening.” – Christa Innis
  • “I literally would’ve convinced myself I ate glass and needed to go to the ER.” – Christa Innis
  • “I say the outrageous things teachers wish they could actually say out loud.” – Lauren Lowder
  • “The cake was full of shattered glass. FULL of shattered glass.” – Lauren Lowder
  • “Disowning your kid over where you’re sitting at their wedding is psychotic behavior.” – Lauren Lowder
  • “Someone who has no boundaries will continue showing they have no boundaries the more you explain yourself.” – Lauren Lowder
  • “I think weirdness in the classroom is fun. Kids should see their teachers laugh.” – Lauren Lowder

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Lauren

Lauren Lowder is a creator, former teacher, and the voice behind Burnt Out Teachers, where she brings the chaos, frustration, and hilarity of classroom life to the internet through viral storytelling and character-driven skits. Her content shines a light on burnout, difficult parents, toxic work dynamics, and the realities many teachers quietly deal with every day.

After leaving the classroom and building her own tutoring business, Lauren now helps other burnt out teachers create more freedom and flexibility in their lives. Through humor and storytelling rooted in real experiences, she creates content that helps people feel seen, validated, and understood.

Follow Lauren Lowder

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Lauren. Thanks for being here.

Lauren Lowder: Thanks for having me.

Christa Innis: I’m so excited to talk to you because I have seen your, skits so long on social media, and I think you’re hilarious. And I think, like- Thank you … the characters that you portray are very funny. So before I get into all that- Thank you … and for anyone that’s watching, I was just saying this to Lauren before, like, I’m trying a new camera, so if I keep looking down, I’m here.

I’m just trying to figure out where my eyes need to go. And same

Lauren Lowder: with, and same with me. It’s here, but I’m here, so we’re all over the place, and that’s totally fine. We’re in it together.

Christa Innis: Yeah. As long as you can hear us and see us, we’re good. Yes … so can you just tell everyone a little bit about yourself?

And then we’re gonna kinda get into all the things.

Burnt Out Teachers & Saying What Everyone’s Thinking 

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. So I used to be a teacher. I taught kindergarten, first, and third. And I got to the point where there was so much going on in the classroom, like I know so many teachers, that are still in the trenches nowadays know exactly what I’m talking about.

I got to the point where I was like, “I can’t do this for, 25, 27 more years.” so I started a tutoring business, and I was able to leave the classroom six months later after starting my tutoring business and go full-time with that. And, after that, I built an online course to teach other teachers how to start a tutoring business like I did, and free up their lives and their schedules and make more money.

And, After that, after I built the online course, I got onto social media to kind of talk about my tutoring journey and give helpful tips and tricks, and talk about my course that I’d built. and one day out of the blue, I made a funny, skit type, video on, demands from principals and how funny it would be if a teacher just said no.

 it was funny ’cause I was getting ready to give up social media altogether. I just didn’t feel like it was working orI just didn’t think it was doing really well. And that was my first viral video, and I was like, “Okay, I’ll stick around.”

 and so then I started having teachers send me their stories. So I would throw in a, couple other skits that had happened to me, true stories. getting called out for, leaving one minute after contract time or, getting in trouble for stupid things. And teachers were really relating to that.

And after a few more of those skits went out, like I said, teachers had started sending me their stories, and just crazy things out there. And so I decided to use the platform I was building to tell, to give people a look behind the curtain into what it really is like as a teacher. And so while I s- I did still talk about my tutoring journey, my social media has kind of just transformed into now telling unbelievable, funny, crazy teacher stories, that are shared with me, and they’re all true.

And so that’s what I do now.

Christa Innis: I love that. I feel like we’re, like, in similar spaces, but different, like, areas. Like, I do more wedding events and you do school, like, teaching. Yes. And I think it really, like you said, like, opens up the curtain to kind of show what really goes on. Yeah. Because people are only, seeing one side of it.

Whether they have kids in school or their last memory was when they were in school, I think it’s really important to see all sides of it. And as we all know, teachers have a very hard time. Mm-hmm. And they’re put in very not so great situations. Yes. Yeah … so when you read these stories back, are you, like, kind of, like, brought back to where you were when you were teaching and kind of like, “Oh my gosh, I remember dealing with that” or, do you kind of like, you’re kind of like, “Okay, I’m glad I kind of moved on from that kind of area in my life”?

Lauren Lowder: Yes. But when I read those stories, a part of me will always be taken back to those feelings of, You know, in a classroom sometimes it can feel like, the way that a school is run, it can kind of feel like customer’s always right mentality, where it’s like the parents are the customers and the families are the customers.

And, Yeah, I think it brings me back to the anxieties of those feelings where you can’t really speak your mind, and you can’t really set boundaries with people who aren’t willing to have boundaries set with them. Mm-hmm. And, so I think what I do is I say the outrageous things. I say the out-of-pocket responses that these teachers wish that they could say, to parents to give them that kind of outlet.

Like, “Man, I’m really glad she said… I can’t say that, but I’m really glad she did.” Mm-hmm. so I, do think I do that. I do that for my past self that couldn’t say those things, because I really struggled in those situations and I do that for the people that are still there now, so.

Christa Innis: It’s like that validation.

And I feel like, like you said, you get so many stories sent in to you. You’ve probably become this like safe space now for people to vent about, like, a situation that happened, whether they were a parent, a student, a teacher, or, you know, dealt with something. And you are teaching respectful boundaries, too.

Because I think so many times in those scenarios- Mm-hmm … you’re like, ” How can I show a boundary and also be respectful, do my job?” And so I think it’s the impact you’re making, too. Because of course it’s, like, entertaining, but it’s also impacting people.

Meet Miss Bunker: From Villain to Icon 

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I feel so honored. Whenever someone shares their story with me, I, just feel really honored, that they felt that they could do that and to have that space for them to be able to do that.

And yeah, I do get a lot, like you said, a lot of people just venting, too. Like, “Please don’t share this. I just needed to tell you.” … and I’m really honored to, to be able to give people that space to do that.

 Okay, the character that you have That kind of, like, says it like it is. Yeah, Miss Bunker. She’s got the filter. Yes. Is that who you’re thinking of? Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. So how did that- Yeah … was she in one of your first skits? Or did she kind of just over time, you’re like, “I need someone like this that’s just gonna, like- Cutthroat

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. So, well, it’s funny, she didn’t start out as cutthroat.

 she was brought in… So let me back up a little bit. Snapchat was rolling out really funny, filters, you know? And filters became a thing within the last however many years. But anyway, they would constantly roll out with new ones, and they came out with the one that Ms. Bunker wears now.

And in my family, we were sending back that filter every day, and we were dying laughing. We just thought it was the funniest filter. And I was like, man, if I could make a character that has this filter, I just think it would be so funny. And so I kind of workshopped a little bit a new character, and wrote a skit and I filmed a skit of this new teacher coming in.

And she was super nice, but she had this crazy filter and really scared people. And after I edited it and put it together, I was kind of like, actually, this isn’t the vibe I’m wanting to give. It almost gives, like, ostracizing her or, or like- Mm … other teachers talking about this really nice teacher. I was like, that’s not the vibe I’m looking for.

 so I let it rest for a little bit, and then I was telling a story someone sent in about that teacher that’s constantly raising their hand at the end of a meeting. Like, “Okay, any more questions? It’s time to go,” and that teacher is just constantly like, ” Well, have you thought about this? Well, what about that?”

And, everybody’s just pissed and wants to go home. And so I was telling that story and I was like, well, I need a fill-in. I need a character to be the one to be raising their hand, and so I justslapped the filter on this character And, people hated her. They hated her. And so then I made this…

She became reoccurring where it was like the brown-noser teacher. We all know them, and the brown-noser coworker, and always trying to suck up to the boss, and always trying to right thing. And so that was her character at first, and then throughout, the storyline and just different stories, I kind of had a moment where she just snapped and was like, ” I’m not dealing with this,”

So she’s become now a hero. She was the anti-hero, and now she’s become the hero for teachers, which I love.

Christa Innis: So. I love that. I love a story where they can come out in the end and like, make a change- Mm-hmm … and now people are, like, rooting for her, ’cause I saw, like, your merch with her, and I saw…

I was like, “That-” … “is awesome. That is so cool.” ‘Cause

Lauren Lowder: I would need to update that, by the way, because when it first came out, when sh- I first made merch for her, it said, “Don’t be a bunker,” ’cause it was like- Ugh … people know you don’t wanna be the Miss Bunker. Don’t be the suck-up.

But now it’s like, mm, people kind of wanna be her, so I’ve gotta make an adjustment to that, so.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny. And so, like, with creating these skits, do you… I know you get a lot of stories, but then do you kind of like do a mix of, like, your own creativity or, like, kind of, like, put your own, like, personal stories into it?

Or do you try to stick pretty closely with what people send over to you?

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. Well, so in the beginning, I stuck really closely to the story. And, I was kind of putting a little twist on the end of what we wish we could say, and then I started doing… I kind of have, dabbled with it as I’ve gone, but then there were timesI was doing some series.

 and then there were some times where I was just writing from my own brain, and I was trying to make that clear. Like, in the caption I would say, I would always disclose, “This is a true story sent to me,” or, “Based on a true story,” or, “Inspired by a true story.” And after that, I always put in parentheses like with added flair because obviously there’s outrageous things that happen in these.

They are based on true stories, yes, but I add in some crazy details just give the story a little bit more substance. But I have dabbled. I have done some just made-up stories in my own head. and I’ve recently gone back to, in the last maybe couple months, just telling true teacher stories because I have so many that need to be told.

And, yeah, I think I just enjoy that a lot more right now, so that’s what I’ve been doing.

Christa Innis: I love that.

Lauren Lowder: What did you focus- … like, what did you teach Were you elementary school teaching, like, multiple subjects? Or what, like, grade level and subjects

were you- Oh, yes. So when I taught in the schools, I taught kindergarten, first, and third. I taught the little ones.

and then when I tutored, I taught, anywhere from K through, I think even had, like, a seventh grader one time. but mostly focused on, like, reading and math.

 but I don’t tutor anymore. I do still help teachers with my course. but I don’t tutor anymore. I’m just strictly social media now.

Christa Innis: Love that. I love that.

Lauren Lowder: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And like I said, I just feel like you’re making such a difference. I don’t know if you feel like that, but, like, I know when, like, if, for example, like, when I first started doing content, like, I had people being like, you know, the negative Nancys out there be like, “Oh, you’re just sharing toxic behavior, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you’re just complaining.”

But then I’ve had people say the sa- opposite, and they’d be like, “No, you’re drawing, like, you’re helping people come to, like, their own boundaries, and talk, like with, like communicate better with people that are maybe crossing over boundaries and not being respectful.” Um, and so I feel like this kind of content can be really beneficial for, like, the education system.

And, you know, you would hope it would make some kind of impact. Or maybe people that are teachers right now being like, “Okay, this is how I can talk to a parent and have a c- like, communication also, or talk to the principal and ask for different things in the classroom.” Um, again- Right … I haven’t been a teacher, so I don’t, I’m sure that’s very difficult working with a higher up system where it has to be a certain way

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, yeah.

Um, also have gotten the same response. Um, I’ve gotten, you know, “Why are we just showing bad parents, and why are we just showing negative admin? There’s good admin out there, too.” And it’s, it’s like, yeah, um, and I’m really happy for teachers that, you know, have good parents and good admin and they’re in a really good space.

But for those in the trenches, it’s not like that. That’s not their reality. Mm-hmm. And just like you do, I think that you bring awareness to toxicity, dysfunctional systems, and how we can find our voice within those, and I just think that’s so important.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. I love that. Um, yeah, social media is, like, such an interesting thing ’cause I feel like there’s this negative side to it, of course.

Like, and people that maybe don’t work in it or see it kind of can look down upon it. But I feel like it really- Mm-hmm … brings to light a lot of conversations that need to be had or should be had. Or, like, when you sh- showcase some kind of situation in the classroom, people will be like, “I didn’t realize that was happening,” or, “I didn’t realize teachers were spoken to like that.”

Mm-hmm. And I think it really opens up people’s eyes to things, um, in a different way, where people aren’t gonna necessarily read an article about it. They’re gonna be like, “Oh, this skit’s entertaining. Oh, wait, a teacher actually had

Lauren Lowder: this happen to them.” Yeah. Exactly. And I think some of the best comments and messages I get are when people go, “You have taught me how to not teach, treat my son’s teacher,” or, “You have taught me to be the opposite.”

And so these parents reach out to me and they’re like, “I, you know, have gone w- 100% the other way in trying to do everything that you’re not and make my, my son’s teacher’s life easier.” And that is, like, just so great to know and hear.

Red Flags, Parent DMs & Classroom Chaos 

Christa Innis: I love that. Okay, so I always like to do a red light, green light with guests that come on.

And so I thought we would do- Okay … like, a teacher edition since you’re… I don’t even know if we said, your, your account is Burnt Out Teachers. Um- Yes,

Lauren Lowder: yeah …

Christa Innis: so for anyone that doesn’t follow you, they need to check it out because the skits are hilarious, but it’s also like- … a lot of, uh, like we were saying, like, you can learn a lot from it, but they’re just, they’re so well done.

So for this- Thank you … red light green light edition, we’re gonna do teacher edition. So I’m gonna read something off, and then you’re just gonna say if it’s a red light or a green light. Um, okay.

Lauren Lowder: Okay. Red light being bad, green light being good. Yes. Is there any context with… That’s it? Okay. All right.

Christa Innis: That’s it, yes. Um, parent emails at 11:59 PM expecting a reply.

Lauren Lowder: Red light.

Christa Innis: Did this happen?

Lauren Lowder: Red, red, red. This happens all the time, or on Remind they send messages, or I had a story where a teacher, um, received a Facebook message at, like, 12:00 AM. It was like, “Hey, can you help my kid with their homework?” Oh- Red light.

Immediate.

Christa Innis: See, that’s what I could not understand. It’s like, you know, when I was a kid in school, it’s like I- we didn’t have social media, right? And so, like, I think it came out when I was in college, and I’m just like… Maybe, like, late high school. Um, but I’m just like- Mm-hmm … I can’t imagine, like, having a parent find me on social media as a teacher.

I feel like that’s so, like, crossing a- So

Lauren Lowder: invasive.

Christa Innis: Yes, like please do not. I remember a college, um, professor of mine who was actually really cool and I liked her a lot. She wanted us, like, afterwards she was like, “Oh yeah, you guys can add me on, on Facebook or whatever.” And I was like, “I don’t know, I feel like this is weird.”

But she was super cool. Right,

Lauren Lowder: you gotta give it some time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Give it some time. When I’m out of college years later. Um- Right … parent brings a gift at the end of the year.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, green light. Yeah. But what’s the gift? Because I will say do not bring a gift or a bag from Victoria’s Secret or some sort of sex toy for your teacher, for your son’s teacher, because that is always, always, always inappropriate.

Christa Innis: Wait, is that something-

Lauren Lowder: In that case it would be a red light, but a green light- Don’t say that’s happened … sound is great for this one.

Christa Innis: That feels like that shouldn’t have to be said. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Lauren Lowder: You just wouldn’t believe. Pa- teachers get these fake roses, and at the end of the day they, like, go to open it and it’s actually, like, six pairs of red underwear folded in to make it look like a rose.

And

Christa Innis: people are like, “Yeah,

Lauren Lowder: this is a

Christa Innis: great idea.” This

Lauren Lowder: stuff. This is great, yeah. It’s great.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Mm-hmm. So don’t do that, guys. Um, a class clown who’s actually funny.

Lauren Lowder: Mm. Mm, green light. Green light, but timing depends.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: It’s all about the timing. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Uh, teachers having a favorite student.

Lauren Lowder: Are they mentioning it out loud or is it just an inner thought?

Um,

Christa Innis: probably just having it, like, probably just an inner thought. That’s how I would take it. Unless

Lauren Lowder: it- I mean, you’re human. You’re a human. Green light. I’m

Christa Innis: sure you kind of, yeah. I’m sure, like, as long as there’s not, like, special treatment, ’cause those were very obvious. Exactly. Like, in high school when they had favorite students you could tell, like- That’s a red light, yeah

special privileges. Yeah, all that stuff. Reusing last year’s lesson plans.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, green light. Go for it. Yes. God.

Christa Innis: Pop quizzes.

Lauren Lowder: Mm. Mm, I think if they’re used the right way and not as, like, a punishment, green light. But it just depends on the context.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Like, if you’re just trying to catch your kids. I don’t know.

I, I think it just depends. I taught the little ones, so I didn’t really do pop quizzes like that. I just think of, like, the old crotchety, you know, like-

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm … “

Lauren Lowder: Pop quiz” kind of thing. Yes. So I don’t know. I,

Christa Innis: I feel like I remember, like, a math teacher one time, like, people were, like, just extra chatty and, like, talking back, and they’re like, “Okay, we’re gonna do a pop quiz since none of you guys are listening,” and I hate…

I’m already a bad test-taker, so pop quiz- … I’m, I’m out the door. I-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah …

Christa Innis: just never meant-

Lauren Lowder: No, I get that level of frustration, though, like, trying to, trying to make, teach a lesson or, you know, corral them in some way. But, um, yeah, I think it just depends.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, a parent DM’ing you on social media.

Lauren Lowder: Red light.

Christa Innis: A substitute le-

Lauren Lowder: Absolutely red light.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s weird to me. Um, a substitute leaving a bad note about your class

Lauren Lowder: Um, yellow light. I mean, I would want my substitute to be honest with how it was. Um, obviously it’s not great to get a bad note. Like, nothing starts your day off worse when you walk in, you’ve been gone.

But, um, I think she needs to go ahead and do that. So green light. Yeah. So green light. I think she needs to do that, for sure.

Christa Innis: Communication, right?

Lauren Lowder: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Do you get a lot of substitute teacher stories sent to

Lauren Lowder: you? Um, oh, hmm. I, I’m struggling to think of some, so m- so not as many as I, not as many as I think.

I’ve had some.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: But none that are, like, off the top of my head right now. I can think of a… I can think of my own story when I was in high school. Uh, we had a substitute teacher one day, and this woman pulled her chair over in front of the door and sat down in front of it and fell asleep. So no one could leave without her waking up, but she didn’t do anything, and we just, we just all hung out.

I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Oh

Lauren Lowder: my It was crazy. Yeah. Oh my

Christa Innis: gosh. That’s gotta be, like… I remember having, like, a really mean substitute teacher in, um, I think it was, like, English class in, like, high school. But then I also had, like, sympathy for her too, because she was younger. I remember her being, like, tw- in her 20s. And I, I just can only imagine, like, all these, like, high school, like, maybe some were bratty, I don’t know, coming in and, like, not listening.

And, um, and that’s just… I feel like that’s probably just a difficult situation. You don’t know the students. You- they’re… If they’re… If you catch them on a day where they’re just not listening- Exactly … and you just

Lauren Lowder: have to put the

Christa Innis: foot down or you have to do a test, like, I-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. They don’t care. Like, it…

Substituting is not for the weak, and then also substituting high school, like, you must have a death wish because- … I could not think of anything worse. That is… And

Christa Innis: like, I remember, that just brought me back. I remember we had a substitute for my math class, and the poor… It was an older man. He fell out of his chair when he went to go sit down, and I felt- Oh,

Lauren Lowder: no.

That’s really sad … 50 feet from him.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I felt so bad. I was like- Oh … you’re already- Oh,

Lauren Lowder: no.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it was already, like, an uncomfortable scenario. Like, yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, that makes me want to cry. I- That’s so sad. I know.

Christa Innis: I think he laughed it off. He, like, handled it okay, but I was just like- Yeah … oh my gosh.

Lauren Lowder: Would

Christa Innis: be, like, my nightmare.

Um-

Lauren Lowder: Oh, God. Yeah …

Christa Innis: a student calling you by your first name

Lauren Lowder: Mm-mm. Red light.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: But I know in some schools, in some schools like Montessori, that’s, um, a welcome thing.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lauren Lowder: And I can get down with that. So yellow light. I’m gonna say yellow light.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I know. And my cousins that went to school in Oklahoma, they were like, “We always called our teachers by first name.”

So they were like, that’s how they introduced themselves. And I remember- Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. So that’s-

Christa Innis: For me, it wasn’t until, like, college. Like, professors in college would be like, like the cool ones, they’d be like, “Oh, you can call me James,” or whatever. And I’d be like, “Okay.” Yeah,

Lauren Lowder: I’m uncomfy. Yeah. I can’t do that.

Sorry, Mr. Jones. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay. Last one, and this might be putting you on the spot, so if you don’t have one, that’s okay. What would you say your most- Okay … controversial green light or red light is that people would not expect? It might not even be controversial. Mm. What’s something that’s like a, either a hot take or something in your classroom that you were like, “This is for sure-” Oh, God

“a con. This is for sure a not, not.”

Lauren Lowder: Oh my gosh. See, it’s really hard ’cause it’s been a really long time since I’ve been in the classroom. Um, I, one thing that I can think of, um things that really pushed my boundaries and buttons when I was teaching, um, was don’t walk your kid to class every day. Like, we’re trying to build and foster independence, and, you know, in April, your child does not need you to send them off into my classroom each day.

Because unfortunately, parents like that will al- still try and push, and push, and push, and then before you know it, they’re in your classroom and they’re asking you what you’re gonna do that day and what… Like, so yeah, that’s, that’s a no-go. Parties during the classroo- during the class, during the day, school day, um, no-go.

Um, and I think my green light in my classroom was, when I think back, is being silly. Like, we laughed a lot in my classroom, and, uh, but also having that good balance of, um, expectations and hard work paired with it. I just felt like it made a really good balance. But I think it’s really good to laugh and to have your kids see you laugh.

Mm-hmm. Um, and, and yeah, make them do silly things. It was so fun to get my kids to do the weirdest things. Like, we would line up for recess, and I had first graders at the time, and, um, uh, there was one day before we went out to recess, I was like, “We are not going outside until you whisper, ‘I smell like beef and cheese.'”

And so the whole line of kids just whispered it to themselves like, “What the heck?” Um, and I just- It makes me laugh still, thinking about, like, them going home and telling, “Yeah, like, Miss Liard made us whisper we smell like beef and cheese today.” So just, like, be really weird. Just be weird. I think weirdness- Yeah

in your classroom is fun, and, um, and that’s, yeah, that’s the best I can do for you for my red and green lights.

Christa Innis: No, I think that’s good. Well, ’cause I think, too, especially in first grade, like, I feel like that’s, like, still babies. Like, they’re still young. Like, have fun at school. Like, like-

Lauren Lowder: Mm-hmm …

Christa Innis: I feel like they’re gonna be in school or work the rest of their life.

Like, why not make it fun and enjoyable? Like, um-

Lauren Lowder: Mm-hmm …

Christa Innis: I remember years ago, ’cause when I was in my elementary school, and maybe it was the same for you, but, like, I don’t remember getting any, like, homework or anything like that in elementary school. But then all of a sudden it was like kindergarten, they’re coming home with, like, homework, and I was like, let’s still make it fun, you know?

Um-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah … my daughter

Christa Innis: has a-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah …

Christa Innis: few years before she’s in elementary school, but I’m, like, just interested to see, you know, how that’s kind of, you know, changed.

Lauren Lowder: I know. Yeah.

Christa Innis: But it, it’s-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, it’ll be so interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. I f- I love that you did that because I feel like school at that age, too, it’s like it’s all about learning through, like, fun, and I feel like it should be fun for them.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, 100%.

Christa Innis: Okay. So as we talk about, like, wedding and event stories, I know you said you had a wedding story that- You wanted to share, so let’s have at it

Lauren Lowder: Mm. I have two.

Christa Innis: Oh.

The Worst Best Man Speech in Human History 

Lauren Lowder: So I don’t know what we have time for- All right … but I, I will… We- you can keep what you want. You can do whatever you need to. But, um, I have two crazy wedding stories.

I love it. And, um, the first one was we went to a wedding years ago, and the best man c- went to the front to do the speech, and his aura just gave, like, unprepared. Like, you could just tell. He didn’t have any notes. He didn’t exude confidence or, like, I’m ready to do this. And, um, he got up to the front and he said, um…

He joked about not having a speech at first, and he went to walk off and realized, like, that wasn’t gonna fly. So he awkwardly… Well, I think this was his plan the whole time. But so he went to walk off. It was so awkward. No one laughed. And he was like, “I…” He was like, “Just kidding.” And he came back up to the front and he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and he unraveled it, and he was like, “Nope, that’s not it,” and he tossed it to the side.

And then he reached in his other pocket and he pulled out a piece of paper and he unraveled it. And we’re all sitting here, like… You know when you, like, are just, you could just crawl out of your own skin? You’re so em- s- you have such secondhand embarrassment for someone. You just-

Christa Innis: Yeah … ugh.

Lauren Lowder: So he pulls this second piece of paper out.

He unravels it. He’s like, “Nope, that’s not it,” like, trying to be so funny. Uh, he takes his shoe off. He pulls a piece of paper out of his shoe. He unravels it. He’s like, “Hmm, that’s not it.” And then I’m tell- I’m not even kidding, okay? I’m not even kidding. He probably did this, like, four or five more times.

Christa Innis: No.

Lauren Lowder: Finally, he pulled… Yes. No. And it was like you could hear a pin drop. It was so dead silent. Um, um, so the final thing he did was he pulled a piece of paper out that was rolled behind his ear, and we were like, “This has gotta be it. This has gotta be it. This is the speech.” And he unravels it, and he was like, “Nope.

Well, uh, good luck to you guys, and wish you nothing but the best,” and walked off.

Christa Innis: Stop.

Lauren Lowder: That was it. That’s

Christa Innis: awful.

Lauren Lowder: It was dead silent. It was dead silent, and everyone was just like-

Christa Innis: Oh, he couldn’t even say like- Like- … congrats you two, like best wish? Like, did the groom or bride make a face, or the couple?

Lauren Lowder: It was so uncomfortable for everyone. They were sit- they were just like, “Eh.” Like, the kid was a loose cannon. You could just tell. It was like, uh, he, you c- you didn’t know what he was c- capable of kind of thing.

Oh- And- …

Christa Innis: my gosh …

The Wedding Cake Horror Story That Unlocked a New Fear 

Lauren Lowder: yeah, so that was really, that was, that’s one that stands out to me. But this one takes the cake literally. So we were at a wedding recently, and we, uh, we, they were serving cake. It was at the point in the wedding where they’re serving cake, and, um, they were doing it where it was kind of like they were cutting the cake towards the back, and then they had a table.

They were laying the cut slices out on the table, and people were just kind of walking up, grabbing a slice, and taking it back to their table to eat. And my husband walks up to grab a piece of, of cake, and I can see him standing there waiting, um, for a piece to slide out on the table. And everything, you could see everything happening back there, and everyone had kind of halted, and there were whispers.

And they weren’t cutting any more pieces of cake. And Gabriel turned to me, my husband turns to me, um, and kind of makes a face like, “What the heck?” And I’m like, “Well, I wanted cake.” And so he comes back over to me like, “I don’t know what’s going on. They stopped cutting the cake.” So, um, one in, one in the wedding party I think grabbed a microphone and she said, “Hey, everybody.

Um, I just want to let you guys know we have paused the cake cutting for now,” um, just awkwardly. Like, “Just wanted to let you know.” And so she goes to put the mic down, and the girl like nudges her like, “No, you need to…” Like, there’s some heated, like, “You need to say blah, blah, blah.” So she like anxiously picks the mic back up and she’s like, “And, um, um, if you have a piece of cake, please stop eating it.”

Yeah. So, uh, so of course mass just like everybody’s eyes get big as saucers. People are eating it. You could hear like forks drop. Like it was so just quiet hysteria, and, um, if that’s a thing. But, um, so come to find out they had found that the cake was full of shattered glass.

Christa Innis: Ooh.

Lauren Lowder: Full of shattered glass.

Oh, my. So I don’t know if when the cake was being mixed, um, you know, the, the person doing it, something had broken, and it got swept into the cake, like into the mixer. It was a ton of glass. Oh. And so they said, we, they were… We overheard people talking, but they were like, “Yeah, the, the cake cutters were saying they were hearing the crunching- Oh

as they were cutting the pieces of cake, and they just thought it was, you know, crys- sugar crystals.”

Christa Innis: Oh,

Lauren Lowder: my. And there were women at tables next to ours who were like, “Yeah, I got a really hard crunchy piece. I just ate it.”

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh

Lauren Lowder: So, um, yeah, that was really bad, and I’ve never been so thankful that my husband missed out on a piece of cake, um-

Christa Innis: Yeah

Lauren Lowder: because… And how psycho I am, like I couldn’t have m- I couldn’t imagine having gotten a piece of that cake and eaten it. Mm-hmm. Even if there weren’t, wasn’t any glass in it, I didn’t have a piece of cake, and I was like, “Did I eat glass? Did I accidentally eat glass today?” Like, that’s how… So I can’t imagine if I had actually had a piece- Right

of the cake, because I would’ve had to go to the ER.

Christa Innis: I would’ve literally

Lauren Lowder: been like- I would’ve had to go to

Christa Innis: the ER. Yeah. I might have been Yeah … all the way. I would’ve literally been like, “Okay, I feel it in my teeth,” or something. Like-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. …

Christa Innis: even within the water. It’s

Lauren Lowder: cutting my… It, yeah. It’s cutting up, it’s slicing up my stomach.

I can feel it. But, uh, kids were eating the cake. I mean, like so many people had already gotten a piece of the cake. I just… I guess everyone’s fine, you know? We didn’t hear anything, so.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m wondering, like I wanna know like more about like, like was it a bakery? Was it like someone they just knew, or like-

Lauren Lowder: I know.

I know … I don’t know …

Christa Innis: a bakery to like not double check and then send it off to a wedding. And did they have… So the cake, the cake cutters were from the bakery, or they’re part of the venue?

Lauren Lowder: Oh, that’s a good question. Um, I think they were part of the venue.

Christa Innis: They were- And that’s- … themselves. So they, which would explain why they cut.

They were like, “Oh, this is normal,” like…

Lauren Lowder: Right. Yeah, I don’t think they knew anything.

Christa Innis: That’s wild. Yeah. At least they caught it before like everyone had it, and like hopefully there were no like injuries. Oh my gosh.

Lauren Lowder: I know, I know.

Christa Innis: New fear unlocked. All right.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. Check your food for glass, everybody. Yes. You just never know.

Christa Innis: Seriously. Oh my gosh. I’m thinking of that one scary movie where she like… This is gross, but she like thought it was an apple, but her mind tricked her and it was actually a light bulb. That’s giving like- Oh,

Lauren Lowder: what was that? … me, like, the creeps. Wait, you just, you just unlocked a memory for me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t even r- It was so long ago I saw it, but it was something where they like mess with your mind, and I remember her picking up an apple, but then it j- was like a light bulb.

And I remember watching that and being like, “Oh my gosh, that’s like the-

Lauren Lowder: Oh

Christa Innis: Yeah. Out of all the scary movies I’ve seen, that is a nightmare.

Lauren Lowder: That is a nightmare. God. All

Christa Innis: right. Well, that, those definitely take the cake. Those are some- Okay. It’s time to react to a wild story that someone sent. Um- Great … feel free to stop me at any time.

I’ll kinda pause as things happen too, and then we’ll-

Lauren Lowder: Mm-hmm …

Christa Innis: give advice if they need it. Okay.

Lauren Lowder: Okay. Here

Toxic MILs, Seating Charts & Emotional Warfare 

Christa Innis: we go. “My future mother-in-law, we’ll call her Diane, has been a headache for a long time. She’s standoffish, but puts on a nice face around others. She has never liked me. When my fiance, Jake, told her he planned to propose, she cried and said I was stealing him away from her.”

Oh, God, the famous- Oh,

Lauren Lowder: gag me.

Christa Innis: Ugh. “We took her, her to look at wedding venues one day.” See, someone like that, that I knew didn’t like me, I would never bring them along. I’d be like- Why

Lauren Lowder: is she included?

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Why is she included? If

Christa Innis: you don’t like me, you don’t get to support me or be a part of this. Sorry.

Lauren Lowder: No.

Christa Innis: “She constantly criticized my dream venue. At the second venue, when we jokingly did an exaggerated waltz after being shown the dance floor, she scolded us. After that day, we stopped including her in planning. That was just the beginning- Okay … almost two years ago. In all that time, she has barely asked about the wedding unless it was about herself, her dress, her hair, her makeup, or her schedule.

Now we’re three weeks out from the wedding. She was dog sitting for us and saw the seating chart I spent hours making.” Oh,

Lauren Lowder: no. Here we go. The dreaded seating chart.

Christa Innis: Yes. Sh- I could just picture her, okay, moving here, like, moving these all around.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, God. “

Christa Innis: Her immediate reaction was to panic and call Jake demanding he made me re- he make me redo it because she didn’t like her table.”

Ugh. “When he said no, she said horrible things, threatening not to dog sit again, saying he should be ashamed, and that he’s not the son she raised.” I can, like, picture- Mm … this woman, like, ugh.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. Oh, I know exactly what she looks like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. “And that she would keep up appearances until the wedding, but be done with him afterward,” over a seating chart.

That’s

Lauren Lowder: w- Disowning your kid for where you’re sitting a- at their wedding is psychotic, lady. Yeah. You’re, you’re lucky you’re even invited. Jesus.

Christa Innis: She needs to be studied. Like, this-

Lauren Lowder: Well, I mean,

Christa Innis: like, and I’ve had, like, therapists on before with similar stories, and they’re like, it’s that enmeshment where they feel like- Yes

their son is, like, literally, like, an- a limb. Like, “They will do as I say.” An

Lauren Lowder: extension of them, yes.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Lauren Lowder: Yes.

Christa Innis: And they can’t separate- Um … that they’re their own person.

Lauren Lowder: No.

Christa Innis: It’s, like, scary. Yeah. Here’s how the conversation went. Oh, wait. Um, after hearing that, I decided to text her. Oh, no, girl.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, no, that’s not good.

Not good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Not good. I had already asked my mom and my maid of honor for advice on how to handle it, hoping to resolve things quickly and calmly. Here’s how the conversation went. Me: “Hi, Diane. Jake let me know you’re upset about the seating arrangements. I’m really sorry to hear that because I put a lot of time and care into both the layout and the chart itself.

We combined tables because Jake really values how well both families get along and wanted to feel like one big family. I made sure certain relatives were seated together and thought others would enjoy sitting with people they don’t see often. Jake and I reviewed everything together before finalizing it.

I’m disappointed this has become such an issue, and I hope everyone can still enjoy the wedding and their time together.” Okay, fair enough. That’s nice. I also

Lauren Lowder: am

Christa Innis: like- Mm-hmm … why overexplain yourself to someone like this? Like, she’s obviously not gonna-

Lauren Lowder: Don’t. Someone has no boundaries will only continue to show that they have no boundaries the more you explain.

Christa Innis: Yes, and, like, that victim that, this is her time now to be like, “I’m a victim. Let me show you how much I’m a victim.” Um, Diane, “My mother and brother will feel slighted, and honestly, my relationship with them isn’t great right now. I don’t need to make it worse.” So I’m guessing either she’s not sitting with them, I don’t know how that-

Lauren Lowder: Right, I guess it’s affected- She could be this-

that in some way.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Me, “I’m really sorry you feel that way. I put a lot of thought into making sure everyone would enjoy their tables and while still being near with each- near each other. It’s just for dinner. Everyone else will be mingling the rest of the night.” That’s the thing, too. It’s like at a wedding, you’re actually sitting down eating for such a short period, and then people bounce around, you dance.

So does it really matter?

Lauren Lowder: Right. You’re not… Yes, exactly, you’re not chained to your ch- chair the whole night. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. “If you’d like, I’m happy to reach out to them and explain our reasoning.” Oh my gosh, she’s being way too nice.

Lauren Lowder: No, do- doing too much. You’re doing too much.

Christa Innis: Diane, “Sure. If you had asked, I would have told you.

I offered to help, but you didn’t want it. Sometimes you have to do the right thing, and separating me from my mother and brother is wrong.” Okay, so it sounds like what they did is put maybe their immediate parents at one table together, and then other- Mm-hmm … family next, which I see it happen all the time.

And plus, like- Yeah … putting together seating charts is like, it’s like a puzzle piece. Like, you have to, like, get everyone in there and- It is …

Lauren Lowder: it’s

Christa Innis: a lot of work.

Lauren Lowder: It’s, it is. It’s like defusing a bomb. It’s not just, like, one tiny… If you move people, then you’ve gotta change other things. Now, I guess if she had just been a normal human and been like, “Hey, is there…

I know seating charts are so hard. Is there any way I can sit next to my brother and blah, blah, blah?” And then it was like, “No, like I, I really…” whatever. And she’s like, “I totally get it. Just thought I’d ask,” you know? Yes. Like, that’s a normal interaction. It’s like three sentences- Mm-hmm … and that’s, that’s normal.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s not like threatening to never talk to your son again and like-

Lauren Lowder: Psychotic …

Christa Innis: having a whole tantrum. Yeah, like let’s just learn to communicate. You can say like, “Hey, would you mind? Is there any way this could work?” Um, me, “I appreciate that you offered to help, but truthfully, you haven’t shown much interest in the planning.

You rarely ask about the wedding unless it involves you.” Ooh, she’s like- Here we go. It’s the battle Oh, boy.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, here we

Christa Innis: go. Ooh, “If you had reached out earlier or shared strong opinions about seating, this might have been different, but asking for changes three weeks before the wedding isn’t realistic.

I’ve spent hours organizing names, tables, and the chart itself.” See, I feel like, too, it’s like, and I’m not shaming the bride, ’cause you know what? She said cl- clear as day the mother-in-law does not like her. She never has. She put down everything. But also I feel like it’s like she doesn’t like her, so she’s like, “Why am I going to ca-,” she doesn’t like her back.

You know? Like, the daughter-in-law probably doesn’t like her. Right. And so she’s like, “I’m gonna tell her like it is. I’m not gonna cater to her.” What

Lauren Lowder: do I have to lose?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. At this point, tell her like, “Uh, you already don’t like me, so I might as well just be like- Yeah … I’m not changing anything. I’m gonna tell you why.”

Um, so.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, it’s a win-win. Nothing to lose. You know? If like she doesn’t ever talk to you again, a win. If she changes her ways, a win. But either way, it’s a win.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. “Diane: I was told not to be involved. Me: I don’t know who told you that, but it wasn’t me. I’ve actually been upset that you and your husband haven’t showed interest.

I often feel like when I bring things up, the topic gets changed. Diane: I was told it was your wedding and whatever you want goes. I was trying to be a good mother-in-law. I always offered help. Me: It’s Jake and my wedding, and again, I never said you couldn’t be involved. From my perspective, you haven’t shown much interest beyond general offers.

If we had talked more about planning, you would’ve known when things like this were happening.” Gosh. Mm-hmm. It sounds like just a big communication, like, mess. ‘Cause who’s- Yeah … to, like, maybe, maybe Jake stepped in and was like, “Mom, I don’t want you involved,” because to protect her. But-

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, yeah …

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

Lauren Lowder: Diane- Also, too, like why are you fighting for her to be involved when you know she doesn’t like you and you don’t really like her? It’s like- Yeah … it’s kind of a gift that she hasn’t been interested or involved, and take the win, you know? That’s

Christa Innis: what I think,

Lauren Lowder: too. But I don’t know.

Christa Innis: A lot of times in these stories, again, not to like group it all, but when there’s like a daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, like, issue, they get offended then when the mother-in-law doesn’t want to be involved, which I’m like, if they don’t wanna be involved, don’t hold it against them.

Maybe they’re distancing- Right … themselves because they know they can’t bite their tongue. Um, so now it’s- Mm … kinda like salt on the wound. Everything’s out, and so I feel like they’re, now they’re just kinda like gonna go at it.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. It’s so much deeper than just not being interested in the wedding-

Christa Innis: Mm

Lauren Lowder: unfortunately.

Christa Innis: Yes. You’re taking her son away. Mm-hmm. Um, Diane, “Again, I was told to stay out. It’s your wedding, not mine.” Me, “That may be true, but Jake would never tell you not to talk to me about it. He’s heard me say I’m hurt that you’re not involved.” Diane, “I felt unwanted in the planning. I didn’t want to be a nag.

I asked Jake instead. You control him,” ooh- Mm … “and I didn’t want to push you away and lose him.” Me, “I don’t control Jake. That’s a ridiculous thing to say. I moved here so he could stay close to you. I took the bar here. We bought a house here. We are having the wedding here.” Diane, “You have already taken him away.”

Oh, g- Oh my God, lady … so I feel like I’m reading someone’s personal text. I mean, I guess I am. I

Lauren Lowder: know.

Christa Innis: Gosh. See, I’m like, I, I don’t know if it’s, like, my age or what, but I’m just, like, past, like, the… If, if it’s not going in a direction, you just gotta call it a night. Like-

Lauren Lowder: Call it. Call it. It’s too much. It’s too much.

Too much via text.

Christa Innis: She says, um, this is the, the last two things they say. Um, she says, “Jake is an adult. He makes his own decisions. He chose to build a life with me. He decides on how involved others are. This is unreasonable.” “Diane, I’m sorry you feel that way. I always wanted a good relationship with you.”

At that point, I stopped responding because the conversation was going nowhere. So there you go. I honestly don’t know what to do. She clearly needs help, and Jake says this is how she is. She has outbursts, then later feels embarrassed and apologizes. But I’ve told him I can’t just deal with it forever. He needs to set stronger boundaries, and he refuses.

He thinks he can manage it by cal- by being calm and diplomatic, while I tend to trust my instincts and speak up. This is the first time I ever directly confronted her. I’m completely at a loss for how to move forward, and honestly, if she follows through on cutting him off, I might just take that opportunity and move closer to my family.

There’s so much more that happened, but I really need advice on what to do next. Oh, okay.

Lauren Lowder: Mm.

Christa Innis: What would you say?

Lauren Lowder: Okay, so I would, um- This woman needs a project, okay? She needs something to keep her hands and mind busy, because when it’s, when her hands and mind are not busy, she does crap like this. So I would give her a project to do to help out with the wedding, and I would make it, like, the most surface level thing that she could do and help with so then that she can’t be like, “Well, you didn’t have me involved with anything.”

Mm-hmm. Um, I’d be like, “Hey, can you, you know, tie the flowers together?” Or, or, you know, um, just the most basic job, assign that to her, and kind of scratch that itch that she’s needing, she’s needing from you to be involved.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Um, and then the other s- and then don’t even address any of the other stuff.

That is just not even your problem.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lauren Lowder: The fact that she has no boundaries with her son, with herself, with other people, that is, that is her crap. Yeah. And, um, yeah. I would just focus on the life that you’re building with your mans and nothing else matters.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it’s not, I don’t know the OP’s name, but I don’t feel like it’s her place to-

Lauren Lowder: Right

Christa Innis: tell the mother-in-law how it is. It needs to be the son, if anything.

Lauren Lowder: No.

Christa Innis: Because it’s only gonna cause a bigger rift. Like, if they’re all together, they’re gonna just, like, pull each other farther and farther apart, and it needs to be the son that sits down with her and, like, be like, “I’m choosing my wife.

I’m still your son, but, like, this is my new life.” Because it’s- I don’t know. Someone like this, you can’t really, like, barter with. You can’t, like, be like, “Oh, okay. We’ll do this if you do that,” because- There’s no reasoning.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah … yeah, she’s made her mind up.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah. If

Christa Innis: she doesn’t get her way, she’s gonna either cut him off, or it’s, like, an empty threat just to, like, see what they’ll do.

But-

Lauren Lowder: Exactly …

Christa Innis: either way, someone that gives an empty threat, how long do you really want them around that often? But I don’t know.

Lauren Lowder: Exactly. Yeah. And I agree. It’s always if it’s your parents, it should be you-

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm …

Lauren Lowder: dealing with it. And if it’s his parents, it needs to be him having the conversation moving forward.

I totally agree.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, and I, I think it’s hard, too, when the, the, the in-law, the son or daughter in-law is the more outspoken one, or the more… I shouldn’t say outspoken, but where she says, “I tru- I speak up more. I trust my instincts more.” He’s a little more diplomatic- Yeah … and calm. So I think it’s harder when the in-law is like that because-

Lauren Lowder: I

Christa Innis: know, yeah

it, “Oh, they’re controlling you. Oh, they’re telling you like it is.” Um, so yeah, I feel like because it’s so close to the wedding, like exactly what you said, like, give her a small task, one that’s not going… the wedding’s not gonna depend on it. So if she doesn’t follow through- No … it’s fine. Like, you’re still gonna figure something out.

Right. And then if she wants to get hellbent over not sitting at the same table, she’ll be the one that looks ridiculous if she throws a tantrum, which-

Lauren Lowder: Exactly …

Christa Innis: sucks, but I don’t know.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, and that’s her, and that’s her and her karma, and that’s all you can say.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, good luck.

Lauren Lowder: Wow, what an intense story.

Christa Innis: I know. I hope- We hope

Lauren Lowder: that helped.

Christa Innis: I know. I hope that helped. I know. I have to see when she sent it ’cause hopefully the wedding’s, like… Hopefully this was, like, a newer story and the wedding didn’t already happen. But either way, we can reach out. Oh,

Lauren Lowder: yeah.

Christa Innis: Maybe there’s a follow-up. Our

Lauren Lowder: thoughts and prayers are with you.

Wedding Confessions & Unhinged Guest Behavior 

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay, I always like to end these episodes with confessions that people send me on Instagram, so we’ll just react to them. This week we s- Okay. My eyesight. I gotta zoom this in. There we go. I need to go to the eye doctor. Okay, um, a time you felt ignored or unheard during your wedding or someone else’s.

Okay, let’s see.

Not being the center of attention at my own wedding. Ooh, that’s interesting.

Lauren Lowder: Okay.

Christa Innis: Maybe-

Lauren Lowder: Wait, so- …

Christa Innis: like, overlooked

Lauren Lowder: Okay, wait. Help me understand what’s going on right now. Are you reading-

Christa Innis: So people from- What- … Instagram send me in confessions. And so like- Okay … we post like, “Send us, like, a question box,” so they can anonymously- Yes

submit. And so we said, “What’s a time you felt ignored or unheard?” And so this person said, um- Got it … “In the center of attention at my own wedding.”

Lauren Lowder: Got it. Yes. And that was it. That’s all that this person

Christa Innis: said.

Lauren Lowder: That was it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah.

Lauren Lowder: Yikes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: So that could e- I mean, there’s a lot of reasons that could be. I mean, it’s like s- just a lot going on, and people kind of caring more about themselves than being like, “It’s the bride and her day.”

You know, that kind of thing.

Lauren Lowder: Yes, of course.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see.

I don’t know what that… Oh When my sister-in-law got up and gave a speech without being asked

That ended with asking for keys from… Wait, what? Okay. When my sister-in-law got up and gave a speech she wasn’t asked to make, and it ended with asking for keys from all the female wedding guests. I don’t get what that means. Hmm, what? Keys It’s gonna be more complex than that That’s crazy. Sorry,

Lauren Lowder: girl.

Yeah. I don’t

Christa Innis: know what that means. Um, okay. And then, “Parents own a business and were using my wedding as an advertisement. I have no say.”

Lauren Lowder: Oh,

Christa Innis: ew. I don’t like that.

Lauren Lowder: Yeah, that’s, that’s icky.

Christa Innis: Do they own, like, a wedding business? Like- Okay

Lauren Lowder: Or like a car dealership and they’re having the wedding at the car dealership.

And they’re like, “Come on down to Bob’s Honda and see our daughter get married.”

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s hilarious. Um, okay, last one. “The bridesmaid dress options didn’t fit me right. The bride refused to compromise and was so uncomfy.”

Lauren Lowder: Oh, that sucks.

Christa Innis: I don’t like that. I feel like everyone has different body types, and I feel like you need to consider what your bride, what your bridesmaids are- Yeah

Lauren Lowder: comfortable

Christa Innis: in. Like, you can’t be, like super picky as a bridesmaid, but you also, like, don’t want your bridesmaids to be uncomfortable. A little bit of both.

Lauren Lowder: Exactly. There’s a, there’s a line, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Well, that’s all I got this week. Thanks for coming on.

Lauren Lowder: Oh, thanks for having me. That was so fun.

Christa Innis: That was so fun. Can you tell everybody where they can find your content? I also know you have a podcast too, so make sure you tell us, like, where everyone can find your podcast, what that’s about- Yeah … and your social media content.

Lauren Lowder: Yes. So you can find me everywhere at Burnt Out Teachers, BurntOutTeachers, all one word, on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.

Uh, and Threads, I guess. I’m not really on there much, but my stuff is. My videos post there. Um, and yes, recently started a podcast with my two, uh, childhood best friends, and it’s called The Borderline Besties. And we are borderline besties because Abby and I are best friends. We’ve been best friends for 27 years, and then my cousin Michael is one of my best friends, and obviously we’re cousins, so we’re family.

Mm-hmm. Um, but Michael and Abby have only met a couple times, so it’s like this cool dynamic of they both know me in different ways, and then watching them both interact. And, uh, everyone is so funny. They are so brilliantly funny. And, um, but anyway, this has been a dream of mine for a really long time, to get all of us together onto a, a space like a podcast.

And it’s just, we talk about so many different things, but this is my newest baby, and you can find us anywhere, uh, at The Borderline Besties as well, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Um, and we talk about everything, all different types of things. We’re trying to kind of narrow in on what it is that we wanna talk about each week.

We’ve done conspiracy theories, we’ve done food, we’ve done, you know, trying to live as an adult in the world. Um, but it’s, it’s pr- if I do say so myself, it’s pretty funny. They are so funny, and it’s a, it’s a good time, so.

Christa Innis: I love

Lauren Lowder: that. Yeah, so you can find me, uh, find me there too.

Christa Innis: I love that. All right.

Burnt Out Teachers, Borderline Besties. Awesome. Well, like I said, I’ve been watching your content for so long. I think you’re hilarious, and I’m really glad we got to officially meet, so thanks for coming on.

Lauren Lowder: I know. Thank you so much.

by Christa Innis

Unforgettable Guests, Important Conversations and Shocking Engagement Reaction

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

In this episode’s tasting menu: a serving of nostalgia, a replay of unforgettable guest talks, and a proposal wrapped in silence.  

We start the episode by revisiting some of the most meaningful conversations from 4 past guests. These include discussions around hot takes, motherhood, mental load, therapy and relationships. The conversations focus on what life actually looks like behind the scenes of people in social media.

To close, I get into a new wedding story submission. The bride’s in‑laws managed to turn everything into a spectacle, inserting themselves into decisions, demanding attention, and leaving the couple caught between celebration and conflict. 

A magical night turns into a lesson in how family expectations can unravel even the best‑laid plans. 

🎧 Listen for the nostalgia, stay for the drama, and take away the reminder that protecting your peace is never optional.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Sister Who Couldn’t Handle Sharing Attention – One groom’s sister spends the entire wedding sulking, acting excluded, and making the celebration about herself after her brother stopped catering to her every need.
  • “You’ll Have To Call The Cops” – A mother-in-law completely loses control, screams at the bride outside the limo, and refuses to leave the wedding venue until police physically escort her out.
  • The Drunk Cousin From Hell – A wedding guest named Chloe shows up already intoxicated, wears the bridesmaids’ color palette with a white shawl, and later starts a physical fight during the reception.
  • The Mother-In-Law Who Couldn’t Let Go – Another bride shares how her controlling mother-in-law tried to dictate everything from jewelry to shoes and emotionally manipulated her sons whenever they chose their wives first.
  • The “Boy Mom” Dynamic – Christa and her guests unpack unhealthy emotional attachment, enmeshment, and why some family members struggle when relationships and family roles change.
  • Weddings vs. Family Expectations – The episode explores how quickly weddings become less about the couple and more about keeping difficult relatives happy.
  • Why Couples Are Choosing To Elope – After hearing all the chaos, Christa and her guests discuss why so many couples are walking away from traditional weddings altogether.
  • The Importance of Boundaries – Across all four stories, one thing becomes clear: protecting your peace sometimes means stepping back from toxic family behavior.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “It’s like she wanted to be the victim or be upset about something.” – Christa Innis
  • “It sounds like she needed the attention for some reason.” – Brianna
  • “It’s like an elongated adult tantrum.” – Brianna
  • “When someone decides not to play their role in the family anymore, people get upset by that.” – Brianna
  • “You are just creating more of a barrier if you really want to be involved.” – Christa Innis
  • “When you’re in that victim mindset, you can’t even see people including you.” – Christa Innis
  • “If it’s a gift, then treat it like a gift. Not a transaction with strings attached.” – Christa Innis
  • “You don’t get to control a situation because you financially provided for it.” – Paige Connell
  • “If you know you’re going to spend your wedding worrying about everyone else having fun, don’t have a wedding.” – Paige Connell
  • “No one else is nearly as invested in your wedding as you are.” – Paige Connell
  • “You should never wear white to a wedding, but malicious intent is a completely different thing.” – Janelle Riddell
  • “If someone is a known liability, you have to mitigate that risk before the wedding.” – Janelle Riddell
  • “Protecting your peace sometimes means stepping back from people, even family.” – Christa Innis
  • “It’s so easy to sit in that spot of, ‘Everyone hates me. Nobody wants me here.’” – Christa Innis
  • “You can’t ask somebody to do something they don’t have the capacity to do.” – Paige Connell
  • “Sometimes when everything is moving too fast, the people around you can see the red flags before you do.” – Colleen Borgert

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Brianna

Brianna, known online as “your favorite mom’s favorite mom,” is a creator known for her hilarious takes on motherhood, relationships, and the everyday chaos of adult life. With sharp humor and brutally relatable commentary, she’s built a loyal audience by saying exactly what everyone else is thinking.

Check out Brianna’s episode:

Paige Connell

Paige Connell is a working mom of four, creator, speaker, and advocate using humor and honest storytelling to talk about marriage, motherhood, money, and the mental load. Her viral conversations around invisible labor and modern parenting have made her a powerful voice for working families everywhere.

Check out Paige’s episode:

Janelle Riddell

Janelle Riddell is a wife, mom, engineer, and creator known for her honest takes on weddings, relationships, and social dynamics. With a mix of logic, humor, and real-life perspective, she breaks down modern etiquette and everyday drama in a way audiences can’t stop watching.

Check out Janelle’s episode:

Colleen Borgert

Colleen Borgert is a creator and storyteller known for her thoughtful reactions, relatable perspective, and honest conversations around relationships, family dynamics, and personal growth. She brings warmth, humor, and real-talk energy to every discussion.

Check out Colleen’s episode:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes the Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and thank you for being here, especially if you’re a longtime listener. If it’s your first time, I’m excited for what we have in store for you. I’m always working at making this podcast better and more enjoyable, so if as you’re listening, you ever have feedback or you have suggestions, please send them over to me at hello@christainnis.com.

Always interested to hear what you guys have to say, especially if you’ve been listening for a while. You know my content. You know me. Happy to hear it. So starting off this week, I wanna read a recent review of the podcast. It says, “Christa, please don’t do a I’m just a to yourself. I’m old enough to be your mom, and let me tell you, everything you’re doing is important to someone, most of all you.

Allowing yourself a little slower pace with small kids is okay too. Don’t worry, we listeners will all be here.” Okay, I have to say that that message, review brought tears to my eyes, because, I think she’s probably replying to a couple weeks back, I posted about kind of struggling. There was a lot going on.

I struggle with a lot of, giving myself time to slow down. I feel like I always have to be doing something in order to be, valuable sometimes. I don’t know where that comes from, but, like, I hate resting. I hate taking time off. But one of the really awesome things about being a toddler mom is allowing myself that time to be with her, and, I constantly feel this push and pull.

But it’s also just fun to allow myself to be more present with her. and my husband and I have a pretty good, like, schedule down of, like, when, you know, he’s with her and takes her somewhere, and when I’m with her, I take her somewhere, and then we have family time. But I was just really feeling it a few weeks back when I was recording, or a few months back when I was recording.

So, I just wanna say thank you to everybody for all the kind messages. I’m a very go, go, go type person. I love check boxes. I love accomplishing things. But those downtime moments and the moments with my family just really mean the most to me, and so seeing those messages was just, like, reminding myself that, I’m helping people, and I’m also, like, sharing entertainment.

 and it’s really important to be, present when I can and also take breaks. So thank you for those really, really kind messages.

so in regards and in relation to all of that, on the podcast, I like to remind myself, like- We made a change probably about a year after doing the podcast. I, of course, love reading the shocking submissions, the story submissions from you guys because, I mean, that’s what kind of started this whole thing, these wild wedding stories.

 kind of just talking through them of, like, what should you do in this situation? How should this have been handled differently? Or when is it appropriate to maybe distance yourself from someone or, stand up for yourself, right? And with that, we kind of started adding in more conversations around all kinds of things, whether that’s relationships, the mental load.

We’ve talked about, therapy, self-love, um, education system. Like, literally there’s no box keeping us in. We kind of talk about all kinds of things with people on the show. So for today’s episode, I want to do something a little bit different and replay some of my most favorite lessons from, some guests we’ve had on the show.

So we have Brianna, we have Paige O’Connell, we have Janelle Rydel, and Colleen Bogert. just some important things that we talked about with them, as well as the stories that we reacted. They have just a great way with words. and these were podcasts that I listened to back afterwards, and I was just like, ” Whoa.”

Like, I took something away from it. Especially Brianna, she was more recent, so I think that’s why it’s just, like, in my head a little bit more. I felt like it was a full-on therapy session. I was going through kind of like a challenging time with my toddler when I recorded that one, and she gave such helpful advice.

 so we’re gonna replay that, but please stick around at the very end because I will be reacting to a brand-new story submission.

Brianna: so I was pregnant in grad school.

I had to do like my internship as a therapist, like while I was pregnant. I also looked very, very young at that point because I was like 23. I was a baby and I looked like a baby. So that threw another thing that I was like, I already feel young seeing these clients. I dunno what the heck I’m doing.

I’m pregnant. What is happening? So it was like kind of a crazy time, but it all worked out. I had, our first. Son and then graduated three days after that in grad school.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Brianna: It was crazy. And then a month before he was born, we like moved into our house. So it all, worked out.

But all that to say we were at very different points in our life when we had our first baby. and while I think like in comparison to a lot of like maybe evangelical people, we were a little bit more progressive. We still were on the conservative side. so I would say that’s been one of the biggest changes is my viewpoints from when I was a new mom till now, just have changed a lot.

and even just like becoming a mom, knowing how hard it is. and like, wonderful of course. But I’m like, I really think you wanna be able to choose this, you know? because there are hard days where even if you wanted it, you’re like. I wanna run away for a day, right? So I think everyone should have that choice.

Repair: Breaking Generational Patterns – Brianna

So I think that’s been super, super impactful on me, is just seeing how hard it is even with all of like the resources and support I have and not everyone has that. so I started, a therapist and I’ve, always worked part-time ’cause we’ve always had a baby or toddler or both at home and childcare is so expensive.

So I opened my private practice, did all of that. but I think as my political leanings became more progressive, that really helped me as a therapist. there was never anyone I would’ve like turned away as a client or anything. But I think at the beginning there were times where I felt kind of like, I really don’t know how to approach this person because I haven’t maybe interacted with a person from this like, walk of life or this anything just different than what I had experienced.

So I think it’s helped me a lot as a therapist to, It feels like now everything aligns really well, which is nice. Like I feel confident in who I am as therapist and a mom. And it’s just like, as a person, it feels like it’s all in alignment. but raising all boys is, it’s really fun. And my boys are like very good.

They’re very good kids. Like my mom loves to remind me. She’s like, you know, your kids are like so good and easy. And I’m like, well, they’re good, but you know What kid is easy mom? they’re very sweet kids. and you know, normal sibling stuff, but they’re very sweet. But I think one of the biggest things is realizing that looking around the world, like a lot of the things that have happened in our world and our country are because of powerful men usually that are not using that power for good.

And so I tell my boys a lot, like, I’m like. Listen, it’s not fair and it’s not right, but you are going to be afforded privileges that other people aren’t your boys and you’re white. And that unfortunately is gonna put you in a position even if you didn’t earn it. So you have to do something good with that.

They are exposed to all different types of people, different languages, different cultures. Like to them it’s very much more normal than it was for me at that age. And I think that helps a ton. Mm-hmm. but we really try to like just be open with emotions and like, it’s okay to be sad. being a boy doesn’t mean you can’t cry or.

Like one of my kids, I won’t say which one, but he gets made fun of because he really likes pink. So silly. But still, still, which I was like very shocked by that. people are mean to him at school sometimes, I am thankful that like we’ve had conversations where he most of the time feels confident that he’s like, who cares?

like what I like, girls can like blue, I can like pink. But I think sometimes we forget as much, progress as we’ve made as a society is that there are still a lot of like stereotypes and, pushback. and obviously girls deal with, so much, but I’m on the boy end of the spectrum, so I’m like, okay, I wanna just make sure that we all the masculinity that we’re modeling to you is not the toxic kind.

Yeah. So we’re trying our best. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s so important with this next generation, and I feel like that is something that I am noticing with millennial parents that we are, it’s very general.

It’s a very general thing,

Brianna: but we’re trying to be more intentional, I think. and this is not what you’re saying, just to, just to be clear, what I’m about to say is I think that sometimes people feel judged by like. Millennial parents that were like, oh, we’re trying to do these things. And they’re like, well, we tried our best.

And I agree. But I think if you just trace, and this is obviously painting with a really big paintbrush here, but if you just trace back the generations of parents, I think most parents did the best they could, but they were given very limited tools.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Brianna: To do what they could in their parenting like, my parents, I am not critical of them.

They did the best they could, but they were raised by parents who weren’t even ever allowed to say how they felt ever. Mm-hmm. So when I had big emotions and maybe I got, you know, sent to my room a lot or whatever, was that the best option? No, probably not. But the fact that I could say how I felt that was progress.

Right. So I think that it’s culminating more and more and. What’s, what I think is really interesting too is like millennials are the only, thus far, the only generation that is not becoming more conservative with age. And I think that translates to our parenting that we’re like, we will let you have these feelings.

Like it’s not just children need to like be seen and not heard or whatever the thing is, so I think it’s all kind of coming together. the hard part is I think because millennials are so in touch with this, we’re always so worried about like, oh my gosh, we’re traumatizing our kids and we probably are like, we are okay. We are your kids gonna meet their, we’re learning something. But I think the fact that you just said that we’re learning that is different than again, broad strokes, many previous generations of parents, is that there wasn’t the openness to say I was wrong. And I think if we can start from that place of like.

We are also learning to be parents. We’re learning you individual, each individual child, what you need. Then at least in the future, it’s not hopefully that our kids will just hold it against us for our mistakes. Right. we get that you’ve always been open and so that matters a lot.

It matters a lot.

Christa Innis: that was so well said because I’ve had similar conversations before with people about that. It’s just like coming up a parent myself too has given me more sympathy for like my parents and other generations too. Because you made a great point. Like even talking to my dad about his parents’ generation and his grandparents, like it was so different.

Yeah. It’s like, so they kind of took those tools and made it better and they took those tools and made it better. because yeah, like my, I remember my dad being like, not to get too personal, I don’t share a lot of personal stuff, you couldn’t even like crack a joke at the dinner table growing up.

Like it was serious. Like you sit down. Yeah. We’re not, if you like burp at the table. Yeah, yeah. If you burped or anything, you were like punished. You were off.

Brianna: Right, right.

Christa Innis: And so my dad’s like, I never wanna be that way with you guys ’cause like. Dinner should be follow, we should be hanging out, you know, whatever.

And so, just hearing them talk about that. I feel like we’re always trying to like see what our parents did and how we could be better. Not saying they were bad, just saying, how can we take that and then apply those tools?

Brianna: exactly. I think that’s what everyone’s trying to do. And that’s, you know, that’s the goal in general, not just parenting.

Right. But I think. Sometimes it can be hard ’cause it feels like, other generations feel like, oh, like you’re, you guys are being so critical. And I think the criticism doesn’t have to, I mean, sometimes it is warranted if, you know, it’s like a really negative thing. But I think we can look and just say, we know more now we have more resource.

Like our generation of parents has so many resources, which can be overwhelming, but like my mom couldn’t hop on Google and look and say like, what the heck do I do when my kid does this? Or like, she didn’t have the community besides her next door neighbors to, figure out like, what happens when my kid comes home and, says this thing.

and while sometimes I envy that, I think we just have more resources now. And so we’re just trying to utilize those and yeah, it’s not everyone before us was bad by any means. I think it’s just like we would hope our kids become even better parents than we are. Right? Yeah. So,

Christa Innis: yeah. I know. Yeah.

It’s funny you said about like, too, like talking to your kids and you’re like, what am I doing right now to, you know, ’cause like, already overthinker and then being like a parent, I’ll be like, I see myself in her sometimes and I’ll be like, oh my gosh. and I’ll be like, I’m sorry I said it that way.

And I’m like, I should say it like this. Or like, I dunno if you’ve ever seen that S one L skit, think, I think it’s Kristen Stewart and she’s like trying to compliment a kid other than like, oh, you look pretty in that dress. you’re so smart. I try to like correct myself because I’ll be like, you’re such a pretty princess.

And I’m like, you, you’re like,

Brianna: wait, no, but that’s not the only thing good about you. I know

Christa Innis: your brain. It’s so hard. Your brain.

Brianna: Yes. Well, and I feel like for a while, and there’s obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I think for a while the pendulum kind of swung so far. The other way that it felt like if you praised your kids at all, it was negative.

Like they were like, no, ’cause they have to have like the growth mindset. All of that is true. But I think if you are. Which you are. I can just tell, even from talking to you, if you’re raising your kids and looking at them holistically, like you’re, they’re an entire person, it’s fine to tell your daughter, oh my gosh, you’re such a pretty princess.

Fine. But I think what happened with in some people’s, you know, childhoods, or especially like years and years ago, decades ago, is that that was like the only thing that girls were praised for, or, you know, eldest daughter syndrome. You only were like, you did well. And so we praised your accomplishments.

And so that’s it. And I think if you’re being intentional, it’s, it’s pretty easy if you’re just treating your kid like a person, that you’re gonna recognize all those parts of them. But Right. But I get, you’re like, oh wait, that’s bad, right? Did I just harm you for life? Are you gonna go to therapy for this one day?

Right.

Christa Innis: Disney movies or something. And I’m like, I learned about Disney movies, and I’m like, she had Stockholm Syndrome because he wants her up. So we’ll watch Between the Beast. I’m like, yeah, it’s a great movie, but remember if a man acts this way towards you, that’s not normal.

Brianna: It is not for real life.

Well, and the thing that I tell my clients and myself, honestly all the time, is that I get like with the awareness of knowing how everyone, or like our kids are impacted by our behavior, we get really worried about what’s happening and we think sometimes it’s like, oh no, I yelled at my kid, or I said something wrong, or this is what I’m guilty of.

Sometimes I send my kids to their room and I’m like, oh, I probably should have talked to them, but I got dysregulated in that moment. I like couldn’t handle it. and what I tell people is that when that happens, when there’s some sort of like, rupture of the connection, that’s what they call it in, like the relationship, there’s a rupture.

So it could be like yelling at your kid. It could be, not noticing their bid for attention. It could be sending ’em through their room when it should have been a conversation. That part feels bad. And that’s where we kind of get stuck sometimes, right? We’re like, oh my God, what did I just do? They’re gonna carry this with them forever.

but what’s actually more important, and they’re like a ton of different studies on this, I won’t get into all of it, what’s more important is the repair afterwards. And they’ve done all these different research studies showing even with babies that it’s like with a baby, it looks like they’re trying to get your attention and you’re not paying attention.

And they’re like, what’s going on? They’ll pick up what on it quickly. What’s more important is the repair. So it’s connection basically. So when you know you have that moment with your daughter and you’re like, I shouldn’t have said that. The part that you went, go to her and you, correct what you said, or you say, you know, for me it’s usually like.

I probably shouldn’t have sent you to your room. I should have talked to you and I was overwhelmed. that part is the part that like lasts in their brain and that’s what like the neurons in their brain are like, okay, this is okay now the relationship is okay now. And I think where some parents in the past have maybe stopped is there, is they’re like, oh, that feels bad.

I don’t wanna revisit it. So they don’t, and then the repair never happens, if that makes sense. No,

Christa Innis: that was like,

Brianna: powerful. I know. When I heard it for the first time, I was like, oh, that’s so, I mean, I think it’s so encouraging because we’re trying our best, but we’re also only human and we’re bringing, just like our parents brought their stuff, we’re bringing our stuff.

when my kid freaks out and screams is just being a kid is overwhelmed and I wanna shut them in their room. This is, maybe this is too personal, but I’m like, I know that as a kid and I love my parents. If my parents watch this, love you guys, you’re great. But, and they will admit that they did not.

Let me have those big emotions. So it’s very hard for me to sit with my kids when they’re having those big emotions. ’cause someone didn’t do that for me at that age. Yeah. So I think you have to go, okay, I’m getting triggered as a parent and now I just need to do the repair I remember there was a moment you just said the same thing with about your husband and your daughter.

There was a moment where my husband, he like was talking to one of my sons and my son was like, you know, really nervous to like, tell something. It was like, no big deal. They’re really little, but they were like really nervous and he was like, there’s literally nothing that you could tell me that’s not gonna make me love and care about you.

And, there’s no mistake that you can make that’s like too big. And I’m in the corner like choking, sobbing. And my husband’s like, are you okay? And I’m like. Listen, I had an amazing dad. Like my dad is like, great. But I think when you witness your partner doing that with your child, it’s like, oh my God.

I just know you just planted such a good seed in your kid. So

Christa Innis: You like take those snapshot snapshots. Yes. And you’re like, ah.

Brianna: You’re like, oh, this is like core memory. Like in that movie. It’s like that just got captured and that just planted the seed of like acceptance in your kid and it’s like, it’s really nice to watch.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I flash forward to like the future and I’m like, you have such a good dad that’s gonna like, talk you up about your emotions or like what’s going on at school, who are your friend, you know, like that kind of stuff. That’s possible.

Brianna: Totally.

Christa Innis: I love that. I feel like we just had a therapy session, so thank you for that. I

Brianna: can’t help it. I can’t help it.

Christa Innis: No, I loved it. I loved it. I feel like I’m gonna really remember those repair moments..

Systemic Pressure on Mothers and the Mental Load — Paige Connell

Christa Innis: Can you tell everyone a little bit more about what you post about on your page, your content, and what you feel your mission has become, with your posting?

Paige Connell: I would say the thing that most people know me for is. Speaking about the mental load specifically as it relates to motherhood, but I speak about it in general as well. Mm-hmm. And. My goal with that conversation is to help women articulate what’s happening in their lives so they can better, process that with their partner, find equity at home, and hopefully in the workplace as well.

And as part of that mission, I also talk about systemic things like lack of pay, parental leave, lack of affordable childcare. the motherhood penalty in the workplace. So my overarching goal is to help women advocate for gender equity in all facets of life. So not, being the default parent by default, right?

All of these things that I think as a society have been very normal for very long, but are leading women to feel burnt out and exhausted, and I do that through. Sharing my own experience, but also just thought leadership on these topics in general.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. It’s so powerful and it’s funny, I mention it time and time again, but like before doing all of this, I worked for a mommy brand and ironically it was before I had my daughter and but with that, it was, I heard firsthand stories from moms, like struggling to go back to work, having to go back to work after six weeks or unpaid leave. And when I started kinda like digging into it, I was like, this is outrageous. Like it’s, we’re in a country where they want us to have more kids, but then there’s no support when you do have those kids.

 

so what do you think are the biggest like. Things like work. I mean, workplaces is one thing. what can workplaces do? What can we do as a society to kind of like raise awareness to all this stuff?

Paige Connell: I think talking about it first and foremost is really important, bringing these topics up. You know, the things I’ve mentioned, childcare, paid parental leave.

We often view these as women’s issues, when in reality they’re a family issue. They should be impacting anyone who is a parent, not just women, but women are the ones that disproportionately take on this work, right? So if there’s no childcare, who stays home.

Typically mom

who adjust their career,

typically mom,

right?

And so that’s just a societal expectation. And then sometimes people will point to the fact that, well, oh, the husband makes more money. And that just points the wage gap, right? It’s just like, it’s this kinda like chicken and egg thing, right? We’re struggling at home, we’re struggling in the workplace, and they’re really tied together.

And so I think on an individual level. I like to tell people this is not a failure. Like if you’ve ended up in a position where you’re burnt out and exhausted and you’re struggling with the mental load and your career has taken a hit due to childcare or whatever it might be. You’re not alone in that.

That’s not a personal failure, that’s a systemic failure across the board. But also there’s certain things that are within our control that we can do. And so we can’t fix all the systems at one time, but we can do some things, which is, for example, if your husband has access to paid parental leave, he should be taking it.

Mm-hmm. So many men don’t. So many men have access and they don’t take it, and they don’t take it. Because they’re afraid it’s gonna hurt their career, which ultimately just hurts women’s careers more and hurts their partners and their baby and all of the things. And so, we need men to be doing that.

We need, policies that support parents in the workplace.

So adequate sick time, adequate paid leave, flexible work schedules. we need to stop these return to office mandates that disproportionately impact women, right? Like there’s all these things, but also within our homes. One of the reasons I suggest paid parental leave not suggest I strongly encourage, is because when men take it, they’re more likely to carry that mental load with their partner from the beginning and.

The mental load disparity happens very, very early on, typically even before you have kids. I think about, when my husband and I were in our twenties and we were going to a million weddings, I always bought the gift and the card and booked the hotel and coordinated all the things, and he was there, but I was coordinating it, right?

Like I carried that mental load. It wasn’t super heavy until we had kids, and so being aware of these dynamics in advance and talking about them with your partner, putting systems in place to avoid one person carrying too much, that’s something we can do, and there’s tools to do that.

Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s such an important conversation

that a lot of families either don’t have or don’t know they should or can have them because it’s just, that’s the way it was when I grew up.

Or my dad went to work, my mom was home. So I just thought that’s how it went. and I think, like I said, with working at the mom brand, I was able to see like, ah. I don’t want that when I go through postpartum, I need my part. It was like, have your partner support you, get your partner involved in the process.

Because so many women would like tell me like, oh, my husband wasn’t even in the room when I gave birth. Or he went right back to work the next day. Yeah. And even if they had a choice to stay home, they’re like, oh, well I gotta work. And it’s just like, you don’t realize if you are setting your family up for failure.

 if you don’t take that time as a partner, to the one that gave birth, right? And so I feel like it’s such an interesting conversation because that push and pull between work and sticking up for your family essentially.

Paige Connell: Yeah. And I think, know, it’s the narrative, right?

We’ve put a real premium in our country on men being providers and doing the paid work and women doing the unpaid care work at home. And so even like the overnight feedings I’ve said on social media, like, dad should be doing some of those, even if they’re partners breastfeeding, like they can change the diaper, they can soothe the baby.

Mm-hmm. And men are like, well, I have work tomorrow. It’s like, she’s gonna be up tomorrow too. Okay. Like, and doing something incredibly important, which is caring for your newborn. And we have this narrative of. This work that men do outside of the home being really important, if not more important than the work their partner does at home.

And so I really think we should push back on that. And I, do think most men wanna be good dads. They wanna be good partners. But to your point, like as a society and, kind of what’s been modeled for us just doesn’t show us what that looks like.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking like, oh, how was your, postpartum?

And I realized, I’m like. Obviously I had a lot of challenges and stuff, but I think because my husband at the time, like where he was working at the time, he got like two weeks off. I was like, this is what it’s gonna be like when I’m, postpartum. Like, I’m gonna need you to help with this. And like, I remember just being responsible for like breastfeeding.

I was like, other than that, he did everything else or we were able to split other things. I would hear of all these moms like having like postpartum depression and obviously that’s so nuanced. There’s so many reasons why women go through that. Right?

Paige Connell: Totally.

Christa Innis: But I feel like a lot of it could be helped with a supportive partner or supportive workplaces because a lot of times these women are stressed about going back to work in a few weeks and they’re not getting paid and they have to get their child in daycare and, that’s a lot.

Paige Connell: There’s a lot. you even mentioned daycare. Women are typically the ones finding childcare, and that’s really hard to do. And so yeah, it’s not as simple as just being home, taking care of a sleeping baby. it’s pretty complex what’s going on. I’m glad to hear that you had the support that you need.

I mean, similar to my husband had. Not a lot of time with our first three kids. He had no time. and then with our fourth, he had four weeks and it was night and day experience for us. Right. It was a vastly different experience for me. and I think that’s so important. I wish everyone had that.

Christa Innis: I know.

It’s like, imagine how it would be if men were like forced, like, you have to be home during these 2, 3, 4 weeks, whatever that looks like. And just support.

Women. Yeah. I mean, some countries do that. They mandate it, that men have to take it, and there’s like specific rules around how that looks. And so yeah, I think unfortunately in order to get men to do it, oftentimes it has to be mandated.

Paige Connell:  but I do think, more and more men are doing it, but we still need to see that improve across the board and. know, there’s data to show that, the work that women are doing and the mental, they’re caring it leads to real impact, mental, emotional, physical tolls on women, and that has a long-term impact on their, lives and their wellbeing.

And so if we care about that, if we care about mothers as much as we say we do, then we should prioritize their care.

Christa Innis: what’s your message for anyone listening that. Maybe is, struggling with the mental load right now and doesn’t kind of know the first steps to take either with their partner or their family or their work.

Paige Connell: with the mental load in particular, I often say the first thing you have to do is just start to understand what it is. I think oftentimes women feel incredibly burnt out and exhausted and they feel like they’re kind of on this hamster wheel they can never get off of. They have this ongoing running to-do list that’s always there and never shorter.

 and. but They can’t articulate that, their partner says What’s wrong, they’re just like, I don’t even know. There’s a million things I could tell you. A million things that I’m stressed out about right now. And so first and foremost, I suggest people familiarize themselves with the terms and what’s actually playing into the mental load.

Make the Invisible Visible

And so one way to do that is to. We say, make the invisible visible, write things down every thought that pops into your brain, which is like, I have to pay, the school for a raffle basket.my kids need cash ’cause they’re going to the beach tomorrow with camp. I have all these reminders on my phone and I think a really important way to do this is just write everything down.

For a week, two weeks, just write it all down and look at it and you’ll see, you’ll start to see what that mental load looks like. What are the things that are weighing you down? What’s stressing you out the most? What’s causing the most tension? where do you think your partner can support you?

Where do you feel like you’re strong? being able to look at it in a really concrete way. I use a spreadsheet, I offer this to people, whoever wants it, it’s part of my free guide, but I have a spreadsheet and it just lists a bunch of tasks that most families do. It’s from the book Fair Play. E Rodsky created this game, which is a really great way to make that invisible labor visible.

Doing that is so helpful just for you as a person to be able to see it and say like, wow, okay, this is why I’m tired, like this is why I’m stressed out. and then from there. You can think about having a conversation with your partner, but I often tell women like, sometimes you’re not ready for a conversation with your partner and you just need to be able to say it to your therapist or say it to your best friend and start to articulate what you’re feeling.

And then once you’ve been able to do that, then you can start to have the hard conversations of, okay, well what does it look like for us to change this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

I love that. Saying it out loud. ’cause I feel like a lot of times, like as women, we like keep things in until like,

Paige Connell: yeah.

Christa Innis: Kind of builds up a little bit and then it’s like you can’t take it anymore.

So, I love that, getting it outside, saying it to a therapist, a friend, and kind of piggybacking off of that.

Who Broke the Road?: Dynamics  —- Janelle Riddell

Janelle Riddell: So people, sometimes people accuse me of. Oh, you built a whole page to complain about your mother-in-law and like truthfully, I don’t even talk about my own mother-in-law and my own stories. It’s mostly follower submissions, but it’s also more so like themes. That’s why I’ve started integrating more lifestyle and vlog style content, almost just like a metaphor to show like.

Daughters-in-law that don’t get along with their mother-in-law, like they’re literally just moms and women living their life. they’re not sitting at home scheming and plotting to they didn’t intend on ruining their mother-in-law’s life despite what she’s told you at the store, at the church group.

Like they’re literally just existing and the reasons why the relationship has fallen apart. is often a function of both parties, but not in the way that you would expect. that’s a key note that people love. I don’t know if they’ve like, commented that on your videos too necessarily, but always, if it’s ever relationship focused and the story or the skit or whatever really portrays one person as the protagonist and one person is the antagonist you always get.

Relationships are a two-way street And my catchphrase response to that is, yes, but who broke the road? two people can’t travel down a two-way street if it’s broken. And that’s where I am trying to bring  awareness and visibility.

But also, yeah, it’s cathartic for people who have gone through it to watch my content and be like, yes. That’s exactly how I feel. But yeah, the road doesn’t always come from stories that are portrayed in, say, your skits or of my skits. The broken road also comes from. More minor things that just build up over time too, so.

Christa Innis: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And I think that feeling of like wanting to be seen that you’re like not crazy. someone can like, relate to you. and that’s the thing too, is when I get those, I shouldn’t even say like hate comments. They’re not really hate comments, but like there’s some people that will comment and be like, this is just terrible that you would portray a person this way when you don’t understand the full story.

And I’m like. someone sent me this story, so I’m only able to portray what this person sent me in their own words, and I’m gonna do my best to like get it out there if I can.

And I think too, it’s like people need to see these conversations and I think, like we said earlier, it helps people on both sides kind of see like, okay, here’s where a boundary needs to be set, or here’s where I need to like.

Limit contact or here’s where, okay, there was miscommunication, let’s work this out. Or whatever that looks like. I think it’s good to have these examples and of course, yeah, it’s part entertainment. I mean, so many people follow for entertainment. Like I know the reason I started doing like content like this is because I loved seeing content like this.

I love the conversations seeing how things play out, and I think it helps us kind of see ourselves in conversations and be like, oh, how would I react? Or, oh, that’s really crazy. I’ve never seen something like that before.  That’s how we roll.

Okay. Let’s get into, ’cause I feel like we could talk about this stuff forever and we could, we could, we could. When we talk about weddings, does anything come to mind for like a kind of crazy story or something that you either seen at weddings or had at your own wedding?

Janelle Riddell: We invited my husband’s cousin per the request of certain people who generally doesn’t come to stuff. He doesn’t come to family gatherings very often. I think I’ve seen him like in the 10 years my husband and I have been together maybe two times.

We invited him. He, RSVPs Yes. Doesn’t show up to the wedding. again, it’s my wedding day. I had no idea that he didn’t show up, but in the meantime, my mother-in-law had invited her best friend from childhood or something, which again, like. my parents invited friends too,

Christa Innis: like, okay. 

Janelle Riddell: and didn’t RSVP with a guest, RSVPed for herself.

Brought a guest, brought her sister, I think it was, So the guest brought a sister. The guest brought an UNRSVPed Guest. and the cousin, RSVPed yes No. show So you do the math, there are seats for everybody. But they weren’t planned seats. So I guess

Christa Innis: what happened is

my mother-in-law’s friend’s, sister didn’t have a seat at the friend’s table or whatever, but there was an extra seat, like I guess some adults put their heads together and found a chair

Janelle Riddell: for the friend’s sister. So that’s great and that’s good. But apparently my mother-in-law was deeply offended and obviously it was a, personal, I had done that intentionally, was personal, and then spent my entire wedding reception.

Complaining about me, complaining about where their seat was in their wedding and how she didn’t have a seat, and how rude that was, and how none of my parents’ friends didn’t have seats.

And um, because they probably all are CPD the right way I guess. I don’t know. so you could say, oh, maybe you missed it, maybe whatever.

Like understand, I’ve a project manager, been a project manager for 10 years at this point, like a spreadsheet. And me, we are friends. So maybe I missed it, but. I’m saying it would be unlikely to me way. it didn’t ruin my day. I had no idea. But after the fact, it still sucks to hear that was like

Christa Innis: the thing that, the

Janelle Riddell: conversation that was going on.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: I do think, though, I do think this story is a perfect example of that kind of deeper level relationship building that I talk about because yes, my mom, mom and daughter, people are gonna have a hard time equating mother-in-law and future daughter-in-law with mom and daughter.

Janelle Riddell: But trust me, for my followers, there’s tons of people who are very close with their mother-in-law and were close with their mother-in-law throughout the planning process of their wedding. Or their husband is very close with his mom and they liaise and talk and discuss on a regular basis. Neither of those two things are true in my case.

And so where I’m going with this is if either my husband or I had a like friendly chitchatting about regular stuff on a regular basis, mutual exchange of information, not like the mom who calls her son to talk Adam for two hours every. Once a month and thinks that that, oh, I’m so close with my son.

No, like have a real relationship. It probably would’ve got caught. It would’ve because there would’ve been a casual conversation, oh, my friend so-and-so is bringing so and so, and I would’ve been like, what? She didn’t RSVP with someone. Oh, let’s take a look at it. Oh, let’s, we would’ve caught it. Right.

Whereas like my mom, I knew who all of her friends were bringing or like whatever was going on there. I think one of her friends husbands couldn’t come because something had come up, so then I just went in and changed whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like. And those kinds of things get caught when you’re having regular conversation with people.

A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: So many times when I share skits, people comment like, oh, I would’ve said no right away. it’s like, it’s so much easier. And I even, you know, myself, like, you can look from the outside and I’m so great at telling other people how to set boundaries and say no and like. But in your own life, it’s so much more difficult, so much more nuanced because it’s you have a different relationship with each person and you have other people involved and know, a history, and you’re always like, am I gonna be the bad person?

You know, and there’s all these different things as opposed to just like saying no. And I think we should ideally all get there. Like if someone’s treating us poorly, but we can’t always see it. Sometimes it’s a disguise, sometimes it’s like talked to nicely first and Totally.

Janelle Riddell: I actually feel like it’s the people who are saying, oh, just say no. I often think that maybe they’re coming from a place. Of like, they’ve had really fortunate relationships with family in their life because I could see, had I not lived what I’ve lived now with my in-laws, I would feel that way because if there’s something I don’t wanna do that my mom asked me, I just say, no, mom, I don’t wanna do that.

And she doesn’t think that my husband forced me to say no. She doesn’t think that it’s unfair that, oh well you said yes to so and so the other day, so why are you saying no to me today? No. I literally say, no, I don’t wanna do that. And then if. whatever the situation is, it doesn’t happen very often.

Again, this is like what I try to dive into with my content, which is just the, like what goes into relationships, which is my mom knows me, we’ve built a relationship, so she generally doesn’t ask me things. That she knows I’m gonna say no to. Like she knows me and my husband is people, so it doesn’t get to a point where we really need to say no.

She reads the room or it’s not even, she reads the room. She’s built relationships with us. And that is fundamentally, I think often the root cause in a lot of these situations is they haven’t taken the time, energy, effort again, two-way street. I don’t know who’s gotta build the road.

We can split hairs on that, but, to cultivate and build a relationship with their daughter-in-law or their adult child. Quite honestly, sometimes comparatively to how the daughter-in-law’s, parents have built a relationship with her, so they’re asking for things that like. Why are you asking for something that you know is gonna put them in a position that they’re not comfortable with and different people are comfortable with different things.

That’s another huge source of comments. Like, good for you, that’s what you’re comfortable with. Not everyone’s comfortable with that. And that doesn’t mean they’re entitled or wrong, or. Yeah, sometimes it does, but not always, you know? Yes. people are people. We gotta meet people where they’re at, but people don’t wanna meet you where you’re at if you’ve been habitually a jerk to them.

Exactly.

Christa Innis: No, that’s such a good point about like, if you haven’t had to really deal with those difficult things harder saying no just comes off as easy. Yeah, because like I’ve never had, like, they’re not thinking that way. But yeah. If they haven’t had a deal with that, it’s like, well, it’s black and white.

They do that then totally. No. But yeah, if you tend with the teeter-totter of relationships and you’re like, uh, I don’t know. Is this one of those where I say no, or how do I back down from this? Yeah, totally.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. Completely. Yeah. ​

Seeing What’s “Behind the Curtain” — Colleen Borgert 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so like of going back, what inspired you to initially become an educator? You said Did you start with social work and you were kind of in that field and then you kind of moved into teaching?

Colleen Borgert: Yeah, so, I kind of was always in the school social work realm. And then just recently, a few years ago, I kind of navigated more into the classroom and now I work at a Catholic school. So I’m a Catholic, English, a second language director. And what I do is I ensure kiddos that do not have English as a first language, have equitable education.

 now more than ever. That’s extremely important. I feel so passionate about this because I also grew up in an extremely, like poor environment, poor households. So I know what it took to like claw my way to get here. And I know that if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for other kids if I can just be that adult that I needed when I was younger.

So that’s definitely what fuels me every day that I get up and I go to school.

Christa Innis: I love that I’ve, heard that quote before about like, need to almost think about who you needed as a child because that should be kind of like who we are as adults, because that’s gonna kind of put us back in that mind frame of like, okay, I really need an adult to hear me.

I really needed an adult to support me or understand me.

Colleen Borgert: to make you feel seen and valid.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like that’s such a pivotal thing to remember because we get kind of lost in the day to day. And then especially as educators, you want someone to really care. Like, my daughter’s too young for school yet, but when she’s in school, I’m like, you want a teacher like that that’s gonna really think like, okay, they’re gonna hear everything I say or they’re gonna see me as a person, like even if I’m quiet or, you know, those kind of things.

Colleen Borgert: Absolutely. And see the parent too, because the parent is an important part of all that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Mm-hmm. So do you think, so I know you’ve kind of posted before about your content changing, especially after the election, but I think even before the election you were kind of, talking a little bit more about what could happen, these kind of things.

So with working at a Catholic school, is it hard to kind of. Do you have to stay in line with certain things or say certain things? I don’t wanna like get you in trouble either, so I wanna make sure you’re saying things that are okay. Mm-hmm. are there guidelines like can you say certain things online or where does that fall in line with your teaching?

Colleen Borgert: Well, I think in general that is kind of just a teacher box that everyone has to stay in. when it comes to my Catholic faith and where I align, at first was really nervous to kind of like go out in those waters and let people know like, Hey, I’m not a public school teacher. I’m a Catholic school teacher.

But once I showed people that. I am here for all kids regardless of religion, race, background, culture. People started to see my authentic, views that I wanted to present and the information that I was giving people and it was well received. There are definite lanes that you have to stay in, as a teacher.

And then I think my lane is just a tad bit smaller being a Catholic school teacher, but the things that I am bringing are fact-based. Educational laws to people. So I’m really proud of that. And I think as long as I stay in my lane, I’m good. And I’ve had a lot of wonderful support from my school community.

 they have backed me up 110%. they believe that every child has the right to a free and equitable education as I do regardless of race and religion. So it’s been really good. but at the end of the day, I’m an adult and I have to be able to control what I say to stay in that lane.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, absolutely.

No, I love it. I love that they’re, behind you. ’cause I mean, just in general with like content creators, like just different jobs, I’ve heard different stories where they’re like, you can’t say this, you can’t post this, you can’t do this. so it’s really good to hear that there’s like supportive, schools and communities out there.

chair, like a pivotal moment in your life that kind of shaped how you approach teaching.

Colleen Borgert: I think one thing that changed my view on how I view all kids in the classroom is my son was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome when he was in kindergarten and. As a parent, just hearing that diagnosis, not knowing what that looks like, in our lives, let alone in the classroom, surrounded by, kids he does not know.

it really made me like peel back my eyelids and open my eyeballs to every single kid has something different that’s going on inside of them. Every single kid that is in front of me is going to feel one way or another on a certain day. And my son deserved to have a teacher that was like, okay, you are different and you’re unique and that’s wonderful.

And how are we going to ensure that you get the exact same care and attention as every single other kiddo. In here. And I think as we’re looking at things today that are happening politically. We have to remember that we are all just one diagnosis away from having a unique child. we’re one car accident away from having a child that might need to be in a wheelchair that is going to need different accommodations and is going to need a teacher that is, loving and caring and will do absolutely everything for your kid.

Like they would for Susie Hugh, who is always there 20 minutes early, raising our hand star reader. Mm-hmm. Like every single child is different. And I want my kid to have a teacher that loves on him. Like I love on every single baby that I see every single day of the school year. Mm-hmm. So, like his diagnosis, it was rough for us.

It was scary. We didn’t know what that would look like. So that was hard.

Christa Innis: All right, guys. Welcome back. Hope you guys enjoyed a little, walk down memory lane, or if it was your first time listening to them, we will link all of the other full episodes, so you guys can go back and listen to the full episode with each of, those guests. Let’s react to this week’s story submission.

Cold Engagement Night

Okay, I genuinely don’t even know where to begin with this because it’s a very bumpy ride with his family from the start, but the main event of everything started on Christmas Eve of 2024. My now husband and I had been together for three years, and that Christmas we decided instead of buying presents, we would make each other advent calendars and save the best gift for the last day.

We had just gotten back into my car after taking pictures in literal freezing weather because it was the last night for Christmas lights at our town lake. Once we got in the car, we took a second to breathe, set up his phone to record, not just to post online, just so we could have the memory if we wanted it,

And gave this sweet speech about how he knew we couldn’t get married right away.

at the time, my VA benefits would have been revoked if we got married, and we also hadn’t lived together yet. But he said he didn’t wanna wait any longer to start the rest of our lives together. Then he proposed. Of course, I said yes. We immediately drove back to my parents’ house to tell my family.

My mom, dad, little brother, grandma, and grandpa, everyone was genuinely excited for us. There were hugs, tears, compliments about the ring, the whole thing. We even called my sisters and godparents afterward to share the news. My family was overjoyed. Then we went to his parents’ house to tell his family.

Famous last words. His mom, dad, stepdad, sister, her ex-husband/boyfriend, which becomes relevant later, and their two kids were all there. We walked in, and everyone just stared at us like we interrupted something. My husband said we had an announcement, and his mom immediately gasped and screamed, ” You’re pregnant?”

We very quickly said no, and honestly, I was offended she even thought that. What a weird thing to jump to. I held up my hand to show the ring and said we were getting married. Silence. No congratulations, nothing, just everyone sitting there staring at us. This is starting a lot like the Brielle skit. I promise you it’s not, cause I’ve never read this one before, but it does sound a lot like it.

embarrassingly enough, this happens to people all the time, embarrassing for the family, not the bride and and groom. This happens all the time. I’ve had a lot of people when I’ve shared the Brielle skit saying this exact thing happened to me, so it’s really sad.. Finally, his stepdad, who is honestly not a nice person most of the time, stood up, hugged us both, said congratulations, and left for his own mother’s house. After he left, my father-in-law congratulated us, offered my husband a beer, and took him into the kitchen Meanwhile, I just stood there awkwardly until his mom finally said, ” Well, are you gonna show us the ring?”

Like, yes, we wanna show the ring, and yes, it’s exciting, but when they don’t say anything, they’re just like, “Show us the ring,” it’s kind of like they wanna see, like, how big it is or, like, make comments on it. So I sat down and showed her and his sister the ring. His sister kind of grimaced and said, “It’s pretty?”

like it was a question. Then suddenly his mom started rapid-firing wedding questions. She was talking about how excited she was to help plan, how her daughter and granddaughter could help, and how excited she was for the kids to be involved. At that point, my husband and his dad came back into the room, and my husband said, “Well, we haven’t figured out all the details yet, but we should probably head out soon.”

And honestly, it felt like they were basically ushering us out so they could talk about us after we left. For the next couple of weeks, nobody from his family mentioned the engagement at all. Then one night, we got invited over for dinner, or technically I got invited over for dinner because my husband was still living with his parents at the time.

Rival Wedding: Sister-in-Law’s “Rewedding” 

Apparently, his sister and her ex-husband/boyfriend had an announcement. They were getting remarried. Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Okay. According to them, they never really broke up, and this time they wanted a huge wedding. You guys, I can’t. I’m reading this, I’m like, “This is gonna be a skit. This has to be a skit,” instead of the courthouse wedding they originally had.

Then they immediately started trying to rope me into being maid of honor and helping plan their wedding. Stop. No. I just smiled politely and nodded through the entire uncomfortable conversation. After about 10 minutes of suffering through it, I told them my husband was needed at my house and we had to leave, but congratulations.

Like, how do you even react to that? Like, of course she’s gonna say congratulations and be kind, but they purposely… You could tell, like, after they left, they were like, “Oh my God, they’re gonna have this big wedding before we even had ours. we need to plan one right now.” That is wild.

Oh my God. Okay. A few days later, I found out they had supposedly decided to get remarried because they didn’t want us having the spotlight anymore. There you go. And that honestly told me everything I needed to know. His mom had barely reacted to her son getting engaged, but suddenly she was over-the-top excited for her daughter’s wedding.

Fast-forward a few months, we moved out together, something we’d already planned on doing for years. My family was the only one who offered to help us move. Once we got settled in, the apartment was a disaster of boxes and unpacking. We intentionally didn’t tell his parents our apartment number because we didn’t want surprise visits, which of course they immediately tried to do anyway.

I’m talking repeated calls between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM asking if they could stop by because they were in the neighborhood. Who’s just driving around between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM? What? The calls were always to my husband, never me, because they knew I’d say no. Well, I think most anyone in their right mind would say no at 11:00 PM.

probably the fifth time, my husband told them that if they wanted to come over, they needed to ask me too, because I was the one setting up the household. See, that’s where I don’t like it, because he needs to be the one that says yes or no. He can talk to you, but it’s his family, and if he does like, “Well, I think it’s okay, but like you need to talk to her,” that makes it kinda weird, ’cause that’s like almost saying like she’s the one with this weird boundary.

Setting up the household sounds like a weird excuse. I think he needs to be the one to say it. also, like turn your phone on silent after 11:00 PM. No one should be answering their phone then . I’m a typical millennial though, my phone’s always on silent. So that’s me. They never contacted me. Instead, about three weeks after we moved in, I got Facebook messages from his mother calling me manipulative and narcissistic.

Confrontation, Low Contact, and its Distance

She accused me of stealing her baby boy. Famous words. This kind of mom, this kind of person will always say, “You’re stealing my baby boy.” Come on. And claimed I was the reason he never wanted to come over anymore, which is completely untrue. At that point, after the cold reaction to our engagement, the complete 180 with his sister’s wedding, wedding, and the general treatment from his family, I decided to go low contact.

Again, I don’t know what’s gonna happen next, but I hope it’s not just you going low contact, because that will also pull a strain in your relationship. If they’re like… If he’s all in with his family still, seeing them all the time, and then you just bow yourself out I feel like that’s gonna cause strain with not only you two, but then you with his family.

I think it needs to be equal. ” Still, I encouraged my husband to maintain whatever relationship he wanted with them, but I stepped back completely.” There you go. ” His mother is manipulative, rude, and blames everyone else for her problems. I haven’t spoken to her in months now, and at this point we’re fully no contact.”

Wait, so now she’s no contact with the mother-in-law, or soon-to-be mother-in-law, but he still sees them? That’s… I don’t wanna say weird, because every relationship is different, every situation is different, but that’s hard. I think he needs to be on the same page as you, because it’s gonna be this constant push and pull.

 good for you for keeping your boundary, and if she’s, you know, constantly coming in and not being kind to you, being rude, you need to have low or no contact, but he needs to be the same. He needs to stick by you. ” We also decided to elope because we genuinely didn’t trust her not to create drama at a wedding.

And honestly, since January of 2025 when we stopped discussing our wedding with them completely, there has never been another mention of his sister’s wedding anywhere. No updates, no planning, nothing. Which tells me they were never serious in the first place. They just wanted to take attention away from us and make us feel bad.”

Yes, 100%. The fact that they did that is just so conniving, and that’s manipulative themselves. Because they were like, “We can’t let them have this moment.” I just noticed my dying flowers behind me. Anyway, they were like, we can’t let them have this moment. need to pull it away from her to show her that we just don’t care.”

And that was intentional. ” People always say you’re not just marrying him, you’re marrying his family. But honestly, I disagree. Family is what we make of it, and I get to choose who is part of mine. Thankfully, my husband and I are genuinely happy now. We’re living together, legally married, and planning our elopement and honeymoon surrounded by people who actually love and support us.”

Okay, I love how that ends. I feel like this should definitely be a skit coming up. My only concern, which she doesn’t say anything about, so I don’t know, I could be making assumptions. My only concern is that he’s still full contact with his family, and that could make a little pull. But she says, “We’re genuinely happy now.”

 they’re living together, they’re married, they did everything they wanted for their wedding. So I’m hoping that everything is working out for them, and that his family’s not trying to meddle and still trying to show up or, you know- Trying to crash or do anything crazy. So keep us posted. I wish you guys nothing but the best, and thanks for sending the story in.

All right, guys, that’s all I have for this week. No confessions this week, but we do weekly confessions on Instagram, so if you ever wanna send in your confession or if you wanna send in your story, I’m always taking new stories. Again, it does not have to be wedding related. It could be relationship, roommates, college.

It could be random mom group friend story, whatever you want. I’m taking all of them. I know a lot of times they revolve around weddings or events just because that’s a lot of times when the most drama comes out. I don’t know. It’s something about weddings, funerals, like, those bring drama, so yeah.

And so the link is in the show notes if you guys wanna submit your own story, but thanks so much for hanging out with me, and I will see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

One-Sided Friendships, Unpaid Wedding Labor, and a Friendship Unconsidered

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

When concern is just convenience in disguise.

In this episode, I unpack a shocking wedding submission involving fake concern disguised as kindness, a bride who secretly made her friend the point of contact for the entire wedding, and the painful realization that some friendships only exist when someone needs something from you. 

I also get into wedding hot takes, listener confessions, and the reality of one-sided friendships. On a side note: Drama Ever After is on the lead with big changes and updates! 

🎧 Catch this episode as this could make you rethink who you’re showing up for.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Fake Concern Setup — A best friend frames exclusion as “protection” due to MS, but the story unravels into something manipulative.
  • Unpaid Wedding Labor Reveal — Bestfriend unknowingly been assigned the role of managing the entire wedding behind the scenes.
  • Point-of-Contact Trap — She’s made the wedding’s main coordinator while actual bridesmaids are fully off-duty getting glam.
  • Emotional Labor Overload — From bouquets to crisis control, she’s handling everything the bride asks.
  • Invisible Support Breakdown — She becomes the only person actively keeping the day from falling apart.
  • The “After Everything” Realization — The emotional turning point hits when it becomes clear she was only valued for what she could do, not who she was.
  • Friendship vs. Function Insight — One-sided friendships often disguise dependence as closeness until it’s too late.
  • Wedding Etiquette Hot Takes Return — From long ceremony gaps to guest behavior, what truly ruins wedding experiences.
  • Tradition vs. Intention Conversation — A reflection on why people follow wedding traditions without asking whether they still make sense today.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “A friendship breakup hurts differently because that’s someone that you chose to have in your life.” 
  • “ What we see on Pinterest and social media is not realistic for everybody. .” 
  • “The best weddings feel like the couple, not like a Pinterest board.” 
  • “I don’t think anyone’s a bad guest unless they start drama, honestly.”
  • “People live very different lives… weird things happen all the time.”

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey, guys. Welcome back to a brand-new episode of Here Comes the Drama. It’s been over a month since I’ve sat down and recorded, and as you guys can see, if you are watching the video, I am in my new house. so during that time, I moved, and I’m still getting accustomed to the new space. I apologize in advance if you can hear a little echo.

I’m figuring out sound, lighting, and all that good stuff in this new space. and then if you are watching the video, you can see behind me is a work in progress. We’re figuring things out as we go. I’m also recording in a different way. so again, I apologize if I tend to look at my computer. That’s where I’m used to recording from.

I’m now recording from my phone for the time being until I figure more things out. So again, thank you for your patience as, I’m learning as we go. just kinda making it fun. But I’m excited to be back and read some stories from you guys. I get so many stories, and I don’t even have the chance to read all of them, so being able to do the podcast allows me to really, like, absorb them in a different way and sit down with you guys and enjoy them.

So it’s been a wild few weeks. it still kinda feels a little surreal. 

currently I’m filming at night, and normally my husband’s at home, but he’s at a concert tonight, so I was like, “It’s fine. I’ll film when my daughter’s asleep,” and she’s in there just chatting away. 

 anyway, sorry to keep this episode a little bit shorter just so I can kind of slowly get back into it, and please, you will not offend me.

I do wanna hear your feedback because we’re constantly trying to make it better and, of course, sound better. not that long ago I sent out an email survey where you guys could give me your feedback as well, and I’m taking all of that into account just to make better content for you, better episodes, newsletters, and all that good stuff.

So, the biggest update, of course, I just talked about is that we moved, so that’s been a big process with a toddler, getting everything settled, and kind of figuring out our new space. it’s been a long time coming. So very excited to have more space to be able to film and more areas of the house that I can use.

 as opposed to my last podcast, we were filming in my closet. it’s quite, quite the change. the next update, which happened this week, actually yesterday as of recording, which I’m so relieved and happy about, is I submitted book number two edits. I’ve kinda talked about it here before, but, I’m working with my literary agent on book number two of the Here Comes the Drama series.

It’s called Drama Ever After. It follows season two pretty closely but, of course, I’ve made a lot of changes, and I’ve added a lot of stuff and a lot of scenes and dialogue that I just couldn’t put in the storyline, skits. you’re also gonna notice some bigger changes that, again, were not in the skits, but it’s like once I read through it and I try to make sense of it, I’m like, “Wait a second.

Why did I have that happen? This should’ve happened.” And so it’s been fun, but it’s been a lot of work in the midst of moving to be able to focus on that. And I’m someone that, like, works on deadlines really well, but if you give me a deadline way in advance, like months in advance, it’s really hard for me to be like, ” Okay, I’ll work a little bit here and a little bit here.”

I wait till the last minute. If you’re my literary agent listening, no, I didn’t. Shh. so it’s really hard for me. I was really good in the beginning about pacing myself, and then all of a sudden it was like, “Oh my gosh, I need to read through this book 

 Two more times with edits in one week’s time. So that was a lot to take on, but I’m really excited and happy that it is submitted. Not to say there won’t be many more edits, but I just feel like we’re making progress with this book.

I’ve also said many times before that, we’re processing it and publishing it a different way than the first one. So I’m excited to see it all come to fruition.

Hot Takes on Modern Wedding Etiquette

All right, so let’s jump right into some hot takes. We’re just gonna do a few of these and then get into this week’s story submission. A long gap between ceremony and reception is worse than almost any other planning mistake.

Okay, so I wouldn’t say it’s worse than any other planning mistake, and I don’t think it would be called a mistake if they do it on purpose, but it is rather annoying when there is a really long gap, especially if you’re far from home because then if there’s, like, a three-hour gap, you’re like, ” What do we do for these three hours?

We have to be back for dinner by this time. What are we gonna do in a town where we don’t know anybody, don’t know what to do?” I’ve seen it happen a few different times, and there was really nothing the bride and groom could do. we ended up going to a house of a relative that was nearby. but you should hope and plan accordingly that when the reception starts, that dinner is served almost immediately after because one of the weddings that I went to where there was a really long gap, I want to say it was, like, three or four hours between the, end of the ceremony to the reception, we still got to the reception and I think had to wait another hour, hour and a half for dinner.

So really think about that when you ask your different venues, about timing and what is available because I think sometimes people get so far in the planning process where they don’t realize, ” Oh, we have to push this back,” or, “Oh, our church only allows us to get married at this time.” So really ask those questions ahead of time.

Okay. Not everyone wants to dance, and that shouldn’t make them bad guests. Yeah, I mean, I don’t think it should be, like, required for people to dance. Some people are just really not comfortable with dancing, and I think that’s okay. But if you’re not a dancer, make sure you’re having a conversation or talk with some people.

 I don’t think anyone’s a bad guest unless they start drama, honestly. Like, if you just want to sit at your table and be a bum, that’s fine. Like, you’re not hurting anybody. but you are at a social event, so be kind, be communicative with people, and just enjoy the night. It’s okay to reuse decor, dresses, or ideas.

You don’t need everything to be never been done before. yes, 100%. I’ve talked about this before. My wedding, we reused fake flowers from my friend’s wedding. a bunch of decor was passed along from different weddings I was at. I borrowed some from, the venue I was at. I got some from a thrift store.

So yeah, I mean, it’s not tacky to reuse stuff. Please reuse stuff. Save where you want to or can. To me, and for me, getting something that was brand new or expensive was just not in the budget, and it was not something that I wanted to spend my money on. Okay.

The best weddings feel like the couple, not like a Pinterest board. I feel like that’s phrased kind of weird, but I agree. I think ultimately, the couple brings the vibe, right? So if they’re a fun couple, they’re on the dance floor all night, they’re talking to everybody, they’re having a good time, the guests are gonna have a good time.

The Pinterest board is great for the image and all that, but at the end of the day, if it just looks great but the party kind of sucks, it doesn’t matter. Okay, last one. Some traditions stick around purely out of guilt, not because anyone actually enjoys them.

I wouldn’t say guilt necessarily, but I do think a lot of times people think they have to keep the tradition alive because their parents did it or their grandparents did it without actually questioning why they did it, or if they actually want to do it themselves. I know so many weddings I went to, they do the bouquet toss and they do the garter toss.

And for me, I hadn’t really been to a wedding where they didn’t do it. It was just very normal. And then when we got to mar- ready to get married, I was like… Not ready to get married, planning our wedding. I was like, “Mm, I don’t wanna do that.” And I think a lot of times people don’t even take a step back and say, ” Does this make sense for my wedding?

Would I want this at my wedding?” they just kind of think they have to do it. They, like, build it in there. So I think you would always ask yourself, like, “Does this make sense for us, or is this something I’d rather leave out?” 

A Friendship Turned Unpaid Wedding Support 

 All right, here we go. This week’s wedding story submission. About seven months ago, my best friend since kindergarten invited me to her wedding. We’re coming up on nearly 30 years of friendship. We spent every summer together growing up, went on each other’s family vacations, and her family has always called me their bonus daughter, the whole nine yards.

So when she invited me, I naturally asked what dress she wanted me to wear, since we have literally been talking about being in each other’s weddings for over twenty years. That’s when she told me, ” Because of your MS, I’m not going to have you in the wedding. I don’t want the stress to be too much for you.”

Oh. I was hurt, but I told myself it was her wedding. I decided I would still go, support her, and respect her decision. Fast-forward to the wedding weekend. I flew in on Friday after waking up at three AM to catch my flights. That same day, I helped her make a four-tiered cinnamon roll cake and stayed up working with her until almost midnight.

The next morning, we were supposed to get our nails done at together at eleven AM, while the rest of the group went at nine. At nine AM, I get a text saying she was already there. Oh, they’re getting her nails done, so I rushed over and ended up getting my nails done alone. Okay, that’s weird. After that, we spent the day running around shopping for the wedding.

When we got back to her house, she had me put together her bouquet and all the bridesmaids’ bouquets. This is very odd. At that point, I went back to the hotel early because I was completely exhausted. Then came the wedding day. I found out she had made me the point of contact for the entire day. So while her bridesmaids were getting their hair and makeup professionally done, I was running around managing everything.

Okay, so you’re telling me she was hired as the day-of coordinator without being hired as a day-of coordinator. That is, like, the sneakiest, like, I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about this friend. and for anyone that doesn’t know, there’s typically a point of contact for every wedding. Like, it’s typically the maid of honor, your day-of coordinator, wedding planner.

I’ve been the day-of contact many times for weddings. It’s just so that you’re not bugging the bride with questions like, “Oh, what door do we come in?” ” Where should we set this?” “We’re running late.” You know, anything like that, it’s so they can contact someone So the fact that she just made this friend her contact is very weird.

The fact that she was like, “Oh, I don’t want you to be in the wedding ’cause it’s gonna be too much for you,” acting like she cared, but then being like, “Psych. You’re gonna be the day of coordinator and just not get paid for it,” is essentially what I’m getting. ” When her dad wasn’t there five minutes before the ceremony, I kept her calm and made sure she didn’t know.

When her mother-in-law’s dress broke and her husband had to leave to get it fixed, meaning he might miss pictures, I stepped in again. I distracted her, kept her relaxed, and handled everything he was supposed to be doing until he got back.” So she realizes at this point that she’s being used. She has to know because people are calling her, she’s getting, like, pulled in all these different directions.

I’m confused why she hasn’t… I mean, I guess at that point she’s probably thinking the bride still has good intentions. So she’s like, “Oh, I’m just helping.” But then I’m sure in 2020, She’s looking back and she’s like, “Wait a second.

When Loyalty Isn’t Reciprocated 

This doesn’t make sense.” ” I basically spent the entire day doing the role of maid of honor without the title.” See, I was thinking more day of coordinator, but okay. ” And then when the ceremony started, I was sitting in a car while two other people stood beside her, one being a friend she’d only lived with for three months years ago, and the other being her niece, who she had been talking badly about all weekend.”

Why are you talking bad about your niece? That’s weird. Weird behavior. ” She never thanked me, not once. She never acknowledged that without me she wouldn’t have had a cake, bouquets, or a stress-free wedding day. I didn’t say anything. I just quietly left early using TSA as an excuse and ended up sleeping at the airport.

There’s honestly even more that I could say, but I was so overwhelmed that I was crying from stress on the day of the wedding. I was handling everything, and at one point I had to ask the hairstylist if I could pay her to quickly curl my hair cause I hadn’t even had time to get ready even though I had arrived six hours earlier.”

This girl does not care about you. She does not care about you. It makes me so upset when I hear stories like this because I read it and I’m like this is obviously a one-sided friendship. All along the person sending, that sent in this story, she’s like, “This is my best friend. I’ve known her for 30 years.

We’re gonna be in each other’s weddings, like maid of honors,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this other one’s like, “Ah, she’s so annoying. I’m not gonna have her in my wedding, but you know what? She’s really good at what, this, this, and this, so I’ll have her come along, but she’s not gonna have the title.” Like, that is so shitty to me.

Friendship, Boundaries, and Moving Forward 

Like, why act that way to someone you’ve known all along? Like, at the end of the day, if she didn’t want her in her wedding, I mean, whatever. Like, you choose who you want, just be upfront, and then don’t use them. Don’t make them the point of contact and have everyone contact them. Say like, “Oh, this… You can call her, or you can talk to her if you need something for the wedding day,” because that just makes you look like a shitty person.

Looking back, I showed up for her in every way possible. I wish she had just shown up for me, too. I wanna know you guys are no contact now, if you guys don’t talk anymore, because after that, I would be like, I would feel very used, and I think our friendship wouldn’t be the same after that, because it’s very clear how she feels about you.

I’ve said it before, I’ve felt like I was in weddings before just because I was good at certain things. not to this extent, of course. I was clearly asked to be in a wedding, and it was very clear what my expectations were. This reads as someone that’s, like, thinks you’re beneath them, and they…

The fact that she, disguised it as caring for you, ” Oh, I don’t want you in the wedding because you have MS. I’m looking out for you.” When in reality, everything she had her do was harder than just standing up in the wedding. So this is just a friend that doesn’t truly care about you. And so I hope this can just be a learning experience of like, okay, I need to guard myself against people like this, because she obviously doesn’t have my best interest.

Man, I know we like the drama-filled stories, guys, but sometimes I’m just like, dang. Like, some of them just seem a little more heart, heart… Mm, what’s the word I’m looking for? Gut-wrenching than, like, entertaining drama. the mother-in-law ones, like, yes, it’s pain at the end of the day, right?

To, like, have those, strong disagreements and someone coming in saying, like, ” You’re doing it this way. You’re whatever, a gold digger,” whatever, it’s that kind of thing. But it’s also, like, that’s your partner’s parent. So, like, at the end of the day, you have to decide if you want them in or out, right?

But a friendship is just a different kind of breakup, right? It’s like, that’s someone that you, like, gave your heart and soul to. You chose to have them in your life. And so I feel like those kind of hurt a little bit more, when it’s someone like that and you have a friendship breakup. So- I hope this person that sent this in was able to look back and say, “You know what?

I’m grateful for the ti- good times I had with this person, and now I’m gonna move on from it.” Because no good is going to come from a friendship like that. She’s gonna continue to use you, and I bet you if you were to able… if you were to look back at your friendship, you would now be able to clearly see times that you were used in it or, called at her convenience, right?

I had friends like that, too, where I thought they were, like, my best friend. I’m like, “Oh my gosh, they’re one of my best friends. Like, we get along so well.” And then you think back and you’re like, ” They called me when they nothing better to do, and the second something better came along, they dropped me.

 it didn’t matter.” and sometimes it takes us time to recognize it, but when you do, you’ll be grateful you did. Like I said, sorry guys, this episode’s a little bit shorter just because I’m getting back into the swing of things. Okay, let’s get into some confessions.

Listener Confessions: Feeling of Ignored and Unheard

This week we asked a time you felt ignored or unheard during your wedding or someone else’s. This person says, “When my grandmother-in-law took my husband to dance during our first dance.” I said, “No.” You know, you have to laugh at that. It’s just, like, that older generation that they’re just like, “I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do.”

Like, they kind of don’t give any F’s anymore at, at that point, and I’ve seen that many times with grandparents. Um, you, you kind of have to laugh it off. There’s no reason to really start anything because of it. It’s just, like, I don’t know. Okay.

“Parents own a business and are using my wedding as an advertisement. I have to say no.” Wait. “I have no say.” You do have a say. What do you… Okay, I need to know more about this. Can you please send me some details? Like, DM me some details. What kind of business is this? How are they using your wedding as an advertisement?

Like, it’s in a commercial, it’s in an ad on social media. Talk to me. I need to know about this because you should have a say. This is your wedding day, and if they wanna be that way, say, um… don’t give them access to things. Like, are they using your wedding photos? ‘Cause if they’re using wedding photos or engagement photos, say that it needs to be approved by, um, photographer.

Um, okay.

“My sister wearing a different dress than the one I bought all because I wouldn’t pay for tailoring.” You bought her a dress- But she didn’t like it because you wouldn’t pay for tailoring. I mean, I don’t know what was talked about ahead of time, but if you don’t, like, communicate, people don’t realize that tailoring can sometimes cost just as much, if not more, than the dress, which is ridiculous, but at the same time, you’re paying someone to literally, like, remake the dress to fit you perfectly.

Um, but it’s wild that she then bought a different dress because then she’s probably paying more than the tailoring would have cost. All right.

Sorry, guys, I’m getting raspy. Um, “The bridesmaid dress options didn’t fit me right. The bride refused to compromise. It was so uncomfy.” See, that’s where, as a bride, you have to understand that everyone’s body type is different. That’s why I’m like, I love when brides, like, let your bridesmaids pick different outfits because people have different comfortability lev- comfortability levels and just whether they want things snug or loose or fitted or flowy.

So I think it’s really, really good as a bride and really helpful to ask your bridesmaids, like, “What kind of style do you like?” Um, if it’s like you don’t like the color, I think you can suck it up, but if it’s something that’s, like, really uncomfortable, doesn’t fit you right, like maybe you’re heavy-chested and it’s like you don’t like that feeling there, that’s something that I think as a bride, if they’re your true friend, they’re gonna take that into consideration.

“My maid of honor, sister, didn’t arrange a bachelorette until my mom reminded her to.” This is, again, one of those things where it sucks, but if she’s never been in a wedding before or it was not properly communicated to her, she might not know. I’ve heard of people getting upset when it’s, like, a younger sister, um, or a younger friend or, you know, what have you, and it’s like they’ve literally never been in a wedding.

They’ve never done a bachelorette party. So at that point, what I would suggest doing is hosting your own or seeing if another friend wants to take it over. Um, or you can, like, kindly remind, just be like, “Hey, so this is what I was thinking for the bachelorette. I’ll book the hotel.” You gotta remember, like, what we see on Pinterest and social media is not realistic for everybody.

We see these great big bachelorette parties where people spend thousands of dollars and they get all these, like, gifts, and that’s just not realistic. So remember to take a step back from social media and be like, “Okay, what’s realistic? What can we do? And what does my sister need to understand before doing all this?”

Um, “When my sister called me and told me she booked the rehearsal dinner when I didn’t even ask.” That’s a quick cancel unless you like the place. Um- Again, she’s probably just trying to be helpful, but I can see where that would be, like, stepping on your toes. Just quickly say, “We’ve already got it covered, but thank you.”

Okay, last one.

When my sister-in-laws… Okay, last one. When my sisters-in-law got up and gave a speech they weren’t invited to make at the end without asking.

You guys know how I feel about this. Never, never, never give a speech if you are not asked to give a speech. That is, like, so… Tacky is the wrong word, but, like, it’s just rude. It’s bad etiquette because people plan out their wedding, they plan timing so perfectly, and maybe they purposely didn’t ask you or this person because they just don’t want you to say anything.

So just don’t do it. Don’t ask if you can give a speech either. If they want you to give a speech, they will ask you. Um, and if they don’t ask you and you really have something you wanna share with them, write a letter, make a video, um, make them a scrapbook. You know, there’s so many other options if you actually care about sharing your feelings and something heartfelt with them, and making it less about a whole production.

Okay, this last one I just wanna read really quickly because it reminds me of one of the skits we shared. My grandfather hates dancing and made sure there’s no music at our wedding. There was a story, a skit I read, and I can’t remember the characters, but people were shocked at it because at the very end, everyone was told not to dance because the grandfather was there and did not like music.

So… And I was told commenting, they were like, “That didn’t really happen. There’s no way they would go through all this planning.” Oh, it was the one where the mom tried controlling the whole planning process, and she wanted it to be like her wedding, too. I might be mixing some up. Anyway, um, so that was wild, and everyone was like, “Oh, that would never happen.”

But guys, it happens. Any time you hear one of my stories and you’re like, “That would never happen,” just remember, people live very different lives. All over the world, all over the country, wherever you are, people have different families, different backgrounds, different lives. Things happen. Weird things happen all the time, and sometimes I think, like, this is, like, the perfect outlet.

Like, people have been waiting to share these wild stories, and now they’re finally gonna share it. Um, that’s one thing, too. It’s like people will comment on, like, skits or stories that I share, and they’re like, um, they’re, you know, they’ll have, like, a question about, like- “Wait, but didn’t this happen in this skit or this happen in this story?”

And I’m like, I can barely keep track of what I ate for breakfast yesterday. I… The chance of me remembering what skit is this from is very slim to none. I read probably, um, I don’t know, like 50 in a month because some people DM them to me. They’re all over DM, uh, my Google Drive, uh, social media comments.

They’re just all over. Um, also this segment or this episode, we missed the dilemma. I didn’t do a wedding dilemma, but if you have a wedding dilemma that you would like me to read and respond to on the next episode, please email me hello@kristaennis.com. It can be any kind of situation you’re either dealing with or maybe the ri- or maybe something that happened in the past, you’re trying to understand how to move forward.

I will give you my perfectly solicited unprofessional advice, and I’m happy to do so anytime. Um, I love when people send me messages and they’re like, “What should I do?” And I’m like, “I will tell you what I will do.” It’s not a recommendation, but I will tell you what I will do, would do. Um, and you can take it or leave it, and it’s fun.

It’s fun for me. All right, guys. Well, that’s all I have for this episode. I hope it wasn’t too, um, out there for you. Um, again, trying to get back into the routine of things. It’s really hard for me once I’m, like, pulled out of a routine or out of a place to get back in, so I’m trying to make it make sense.

I’m trying to be as productive, but also, like, keeping a good mental health and healthy, um, mind and body in this new space. So, uh, thanks for giving me grace, and thanks for being along with me for the ride. All right, guys. That’s all I have for this week, and I will see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

FAN FAVORITE REPLAY: Hijacked Wedding Plans, Boundary Advice Breakdown, and Chaotic Wedding Confessions

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

A fan favorite episode is back with wedding dramas insisting on being remembered.

From hot takes on the mother of the groom to a 9-1-1 dilemma about a mother-in-law wanting to wear white, breaking down how quickly wedding boundaries fall apart. Confessions add even more fuel, with backhanded comments and control disguised as “help.”

Then Stories from the Vault takes over with two separate disasters: one where a mother-in-law secretly books a venue without consent, and another where over 100 extra invites are sent, completely hijacking the guest list and the couple’s plans. I also reshare part one of Here Comes The Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story

🎧 Catch the replay for confessions, hot takes, and wedding chaos that aged exactly as you remember

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Boundary Lesson Core — Boundaries with in-laws are framed as healthy, not rude, even in wedding pressure moments 
  • Fan Favorite Replay — A return of one of the most replayed Patreon episodes.
  • Escape Plan Confession — A mother-in-law suggests helping her son plan an escape if he gets cold feet
  • Family Dynamics – Relatives get involved, adding fuel to the fire and complicating emotions.
  • Mother of the Groom Chaos – Kate panics over Ferris and Sloan’s Christmas vacation, creating tension.
  • Guest List Takeover — Over 100 extra invites are sent, completely hijacking the couple’s plan
  • Audiobook Part 1 — First chapter reshared shows a Thanksgiving scene spiraling from a vacation announcement
  • White Dress Standoff — A mother-in-law and guest insists on wearing white, escalating pre-wedding tension 
  • Vacation Planning Drama – Kate tries to insert herself into the couple’s plans despite their wishes.
  • Surprise Proposal Tease – Ferris plans a proposal, creating a cliffhanger moment that leaves everyone on edge.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Ever wonder what happens when a mother hijacks her son’s holidays? Buckle up.”
  • “There’s nothing like a little wine, snow, and family tension to spice up Thanksgiving.” 
  • “Some moms think control is love, but boundaries are how we survive the holidays.”
  • “Ferris finally learned: protecting your peace sometimes means saying ‘no’ to your mom.”
  • “The line between family tradition and family chaos? It’s thinner than you think.”
  • “Boundaries aren’t mean they’re necessary, especially when someone tries to control your happiness.”
  • “Weddings don’t create drama, they just shine a spotlight on what’s already broken.”

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome back to our episode. Here comes the Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and say, we’re actually gonna do things a little bit different. As you can see, I’m recording in my brand new office here if you are watching the video. but there is a lot going on lately between. Moving, taking time off, catching up with work, getting into the routine of things, being a toddler mom.

So this week I am taking off from recording a brand new episode. but don’t worry, I have a awesome episode that I’m going to reshare. It’s actually our top listened episode of all time. 

This was a wild story about in-laws hijacking the wedding, and I don’t wanna give any spoilers. Some of you may have already listened to it, but it’s worth a re-listen because it was just. Completely shocking. So I didn’t wanna take the week off completely. I wanted to, share a popular story that you could jump back into.

This was called Stories from the Vault. so please enjoy and don’t worry. I will be back next week with a brand new episode and I do have some new guests coming on as well, just kind of getting into the swing of things and I thought for my own. mental health and sake of catching up, I was going to take this week off.

So without further ado, enjoy this replay episode and I will catch you on the other side. Bye guys. 

Bye.

Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome to this episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and it’s actually my birthday today. and so I wanted to do something special for this birthday episode, and that is share one of my all time favorite Patreon episodes. Called the mother of the groom files. You guys are always asking me to share more stories and more content, and this was a wild episode with a wild story, so I thought I would give back to you guys this week.

But first, just a couple of fun announcements. We’re gonna start with a podcast review. This is from Monica. Daniel, it says, I don’t ever listen to podcasts, but when I saw your Facebook post that you started, one, I had to start. Your skits are like crack. You want more and more and more. LOL. Thank you so much for the kind review.

If you guys are loving the podcast, please help me out by leaving a review on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen. It just really helps the show get out to more people. Now one more extra bonus for this week is in case you missed it, my new book Here Comes The Drama is now officially an audio book, and I’m so, so excited.

I’ve talked about the process before, but I, worked directly with Tan Tour Media and I was able to listen to actual auditions from voice artists and Shiloh James just had the amazing voice. That I thought would fit so well with these characters. and so it’s now officially out. There’s also an exclusive author’s note that I was able to record myself and the little behind the scenes, note at the very end.

So as a little bonus to you guys, stick around at the very end of the episode, and I’m going to include a. First look at the book. You’re gonna get chapter one, directly to you so you can enjoy that. as a little bonus there. I don’t know how many times I just said bonus you guys. Side note. August has just been a wild month already.

I can hardly keep up. I can’t believe it’s already, by the time you guys listen to this, it’ll be almost over and I’m just like trying to catch up. I feel like if anyone else is feeling that way, I’m right there with you. anyways, I wanna remind you guys that I’m doing a big YouTube giveaway. This is actually the last week to enter.

 you got a few more days left actually. so for my birthday month I did a YouTube giveaway. All you have to do is subscribe to my channel and then comment entered on my video, and we will link that in the show notes so you can easily find it at the bottom. we are doing a $75 Amazon gift card and a signed copy of my book for the grand prize winner.

And then every single week we’ve been picking winners for some smaller prizes as well. just a way to say thank you for all you guys that listen and follow on YouTube. Alright, so like I said, we are going to, Give you a special look at a Patreon episode. This was my all time favorite one, the mother of the groom files.

Mother of the Groom Chaos

This was a wild episode where I read, oh gosh, we do some hot takes and I gave you my takes on these mother of groom situations that were sent to me. a mother of the groom, 9 1 1 advice call. So someone sent me in something that happened to them and they’re trying to deal with the. Situation. And then I read a couple of stories and one is probably top 10 wildest mother of the groom stories I’ve ever read.

So we’re gonna go ahead and play that whole episode for you and I hope you guys enjoy it. And don’t forget to stick around to the very end of the episode for the first chapter of, here Comes the Drama.

Hey guys. Welcome back to another exclusive episode of, here Comes The Drama After Dark, just for my amazing wedding party, my Patreon members. I’m so grateful and happy that you’re here with me. First things first, if my voice sounds a little scratchy or I’m sniffling, I apologize in advance. I swear it’s allergies.

I’m not sick. I swear every time I step outside, I’m sneezing like four or five times. Just that time of year, you never know what you’re gonna get. And apparently this year the allergies are crazy to me. So I’m gonna try my best to not sneeze while recording. And we’re just gonna have some fun today. so last month we focused all around mothers of the bride.

Today we’re gonna go to the other mom at the altar, and that is gonna be the mother of the groom. And as I start this episode, I wanna remind you guys. That it’s not all moms. Okay. I still get messages from people that are like, you focus so much on moms all the time. We’re not all bad. And believe me, I know this.

I talk about it time and time again that my own mom and my mother-in-law are amazing. They are not like this. I honestly, until I started really making this content, I didn’t realize people dealt with this. of course I’ve heard and seen things over the years. But some of these stories are just so shocking to me that people can act this way, during a wedding.

So I know it’s not all moms. But there are some really crazy ones out there. So, that’s what we’re gonna focus on today. here’s what we got going on. Of course, I’d like to switch it up every single month just to make things a little interesting and, feeling a little more exclusive and special for you guys.

So first things first, we’ve got some Hot Takes Mother of the Groom Edition, confessions in Chaos. So. Reading some confessions that you guys sent me that actually happened to you and then that’s gonna turn into a 9 1 1. Someone has a little dilemma going on and they would like some advice. And then last, but certainly not least, of course it’s not least because you guys love it the best.

It’s the stories from the vault. today I’ve got two crazy ones and of course I’ve not read them, we got some good ones for you. But I’ll react, along with you. So let’s get started. let’s go right into the hot takes. All right, The mother of the groom should have a special role, but it doesn’t need to mirror the mother of the brides.

This is gonna depend in a relationship with each of them. I mean, I do think. In all the weddings I’ve been a part of, I should say most of them, they had a unique role. but a lot of times both moms were there doing everything together, or just being a part of, the bride getting ready.

Right. I. so of course you’re gonna have your special moment with your own mom versus your partner’s mom, but I really feel like they have similar roles because it’s both their kids’ weddings. I’m very anti, it’s the bride and groom’s day, or. The bride and bride’s day. The groom and groom’s day.

 it’s the couple’s day. Right. So I feel like it’s really important that depending on your relationship, whoever wants to be involved is involved the same way we’re not leaving anybody out. Of course, that’s, again, depending on how your relationship is. okay. Two. It’s okay if the mother of the groom doesn’t help with the planning.

Support. Doesn’t always mean involvement 100%. I think sometimes I see stories where the bride gets so mad at the mother of the groom for not being involved, but. They don’t have to be, and that’s not necessarily their wheelhouse. there was one I read not that long ago where the bride was mad because she gave a task to the mother of the groom and it was basically to book the Airbnb for their wedding event and it was gonna be hosted in the backyard or something.

she kept saying like, oh, she was taking so long to do it. And by the time, know, it was getting closer and closer, all the ones that I had really liked were booked. And I was like. If I were the bride, I would never just put that in the hands of someone else. And I don’t blame the mother of groom for that because she might have never had this kind of responsibility before.

She might not be into planning and then this was just kind of put on her lap. Maybe she’s never booked an Airbnb. so when it comes to things like that, I don’t think it’s up to the mother of the groom to want to be involved. She can support you guys in other ways and I think that’s perfectly okay. number three, mother-in-laws giving input on the guest list should only happen early, not the month before invitations go out.

So they could give input or tips anytime, I’m sure, again, depending on your relationship. But yeah, we are not asking for. And like guest list a month before, that’s just too much. there was another mother-in-law story where they asked her way in advance to send a guest list and she kept refusing because she didn’t like that they were only gonna invite 100 people.

So she kept pushing back and saying like, no, I’m not sending you a list. I’m not sending you a list. then they went the extra mile and were looking in heraddress book to get. Her friend’s addresses to send an invite and I’m just like, if it’s gonna be that difficult, why even try? yes. I think everybody, if you’re gonna have your parents’ friends be invited, reach out to them early enough, give them a deadline and be very clear.

 okay. I’m gonna do a couple more ‘ we’ve got a long story for you guys and I don’t want, it to be like a two hour episode. I’m sure you guys wouldn’t complain, but Okay. A neutral colored dress is totally fine as long as it’s cleared with the couple first. Uh, it’s so hard because some of these things are gonna be really individual.

Some people might be like, no, absolutely not. For me personally, I think neutral is totally fine. what’s wrong with neutral colored? Yes, maybe avoid white. but I think you can do other neutral colors in general. I think if you’re not sure, ask the bride groom, but. I would never assume that white is okay.

Right.

Number five, it’s not rude to set boundaries with your future mother-in-law. It’s healthy. That goes with for anybody, even people that you have a great relationship with. Boundaries are so good, I think so many times we think boundaries are a way of like shutting people out or being mean, especially if you’re a people pleaser.

It’s not like boundaries can be like, I turn my phone off at 7:00 PM and I spend time with just my family right here. I don’t answer the phone even for my best friend, my boss, whoever it is. And I think that’s so important because so many times, like we think we can be at everyone’s beck and call and that we’re gonna be mean if we say no or don’t answer.

But no, you gotta have boundaries. Last one. The best thing a mother of the groom can ask is, how can I support you instead of assuming what’s helpful. Yeah, I think that’s great. If you are in a wedding, if you are a mother of the groom, if you are the mother of the bride, if you’re a father, like whatever your relationship is to them, how can I support you is a great way.

Instead of just jumping in and saying, I’m taking this task from you because nobody likes that. Okay. Next section. We are gonna do some confessions. I have a couple of confessions here that people sent me, and then the last one’s gonna be more of like a 9 1 1. What do I do in this situation? Okay, first one, mother-in-law told my son she could help him come up with an escape plan.

What if the day of he gets cold feet? So I’m guessing the son then told his partner. It was like, my mom told me this. That’s insane. That’s insane. we wanna encourage the couple. I mean, unless it’s completely toxic and, it’s a bad relationship, which even then, like you gotta make sure like you really are protecting your son.

Otherwise, I’m not saying anything. I said this a while back in an episode. This girl was talking about her whole family didn’t like the partner of her brother. Right? And they wanted to say something so bad. And I was like, you can’t, you can’t say something if you just don’t like somebody, because if something blows up, it’s gonna go back into your face, right?

If you say like, oh, I don’t like her, she’s not right for you. It’s gonna come back to bite you. It’s better to just be supportive. of course if there’s certain things that they say that’s going to, that are just like, down or rude, put you down, that kind of thing. But if it’s just like, I don’t like them because of the way they talk, I don’t like them because they don’t seem right for you.

I’m just protecting you. Like, no, we don’t need to say that. Okay. Two. My bridal shower, my mother-in-law gave me a cookbook and said, you’ll need this more than anyone. No. Okay. As someone that I am very insecure with my cooking. Like I enjoy doing it when there’s no pressure. I like cooking for my family, but I feel like I’m surrounded by so many cooks that are like really good at what they do, that I’m just like, I just second guess everything.

that’d be a little insulting. my husband and I buy cookbooks all the time ’cause we like try new recipes and stuff. But to specifically say to someone, ’cause you need this more than anybody. That’s just a, we call that a backhanded compliment. Actually, I’m not, that’s not even a compliment.

That’s just backhanded. okay. My mother-in-law kept calling it her son’s wedding and didn’t mention my name once in the entire engagement announcement. Ooh, okay. I catch myself when I’m like talking about someone’s story or reading someone’s story, I’ll say like, bride this, and I’m like, no, I need to stop doing that.

The couple’s day, the couple’s wedding, it’s so ingrained in us to talk a certain way. Right. But I feel like society says like it’s the bride’s day. So when you say it’s like your son’s day and your leaving out his partner, that’s intentional, right? Yeah, that’s pretty hard. I had someone on my podcast, Janelle Riedel, was on my podcast a couple weeks back, and she, well, by the time this comes out, it’ll be probably like two months back.

But, she had a very similar story sent to her where there was a, birth announcement. So this woman was saying her and her partner, her and her husband decided they did not want their babies. Face put anywhere, like on social media or anything like that, they made this very clear to the parents.

They go to the parents’ house to go visit them when the baby was like a newborn and sitting right on the table, there was a newspaper clipping where they had a birth announcement. The grandparents put in a birth announcement in the newspaper. Not once did they mention the daughter-in-law’s name. It was just proud grandparents of said the baby’s name and then said their son’s name.

That was it. So that is intentional, you are purposely leaving someone out when it took two people to make that baby. So I don’t know. that’s making a statement for sure. Okay.

Here is the 9 1 1 confession. she’s kind of more of like asking for help. Right. Okay. My mother-in-law just told me she bought a white dress to wear to our wedding because it’s the only color she looks good in.

Okay. I’ve gotten similar ones before. Okay. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she said I was being territorial should be honored that she’s making an effort at all. My fiance is trying to stay neutral. The wedding is in three weeks. What do I do? Okay, first things first. I’m only talking about this general situation right here because I don’t people coming back and being like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe you care about people wearing white at your wedding.

I personally, I wouldn’t care again. It depends on the relationship because if you already have a rocky relationship and someone’s like, I’m wearing white to your wedding, I’m getting a full gown. Again, back to the intentional. It’s intentional they want you to feel a certain way, right? So my guess is if she says, oh, I only look good in white, so I’m wearing a white dress to your wedding, it’s because there’s already some kind of rift there, right?

First things first, the fiance staying neutral is not okay. He needs to make a choice of who he’s backing up. if he’s choosing to marry you, should be backing you up, right? He needs to be the one to, communicate to his mother that this is not appropriate or okay. Now again, I’m speaking for this couple because she has made it clear she is not okay with it.

If you’re okay with white at your wedding, this is not. Relating to you, right? So he needs to be the one to communicate to his mom, Hey Sophie, whatever her name is, has said she’s not okay with it. And I would actually rather her be the only one in white as well, really make it more what he thinks and be that bridge, right?

Because if he’s trying to stay neutral. It’s gonna make them bash even more, right? Because they’re both gonna try to get him on their side. So he needs to make a clear standing point. Being the wedding is only in three weeks, so she’s gonna try to like push back and push back and say like, oh, well there’s no time to get a new dress.

Oh, I can’s, the only dress I have. There’s time. There’s time. you’ve made it very clear that you’re not comfortable with it, so. All you can do is communicate and you need to let your partner know that he needs to communicate to her. that being said, if she still chooses to show up that day in a white dress, you can.

There’s different things you can do. Talk to your vendors ahead of time, maybe your photographer and say like, Hey, my mother-in-law has told me he’s gonna wear a white dress. What do we do? They might be able to situate her. I mean, it’s hard because she’s the mom, so she’s gonna be in the front pictures.

They might be able to like move her. So someone’s like standing in front of her. I know this happened in one of the stories sent to me. She said the photographer worked with her and like, it was like an aunt though, and they put someone directly in front of her. So you couldn’t really tell. and then you have to decide how important it is to you and it’s hard.

This is where you are like, you know what? We’ve dealt with so much with her already. This is it for me. I’m done. I’m done dealing with it. Then you have to make that decision and tell your partner and try to get him on the same page. If this is one little blip in the day and there’s been no other issues, Just let it go. Everyone’s gonna know you’re the bride and everyone’s gonna look at her and be like, that’s ridiculous. So you kinda have to decide and make a decision on your own and with your partner to be like, how big of a deal do we wanna make this? Not saying you’re the one making a big deal, but like, do you wanna escalate it or just drop it?

Okay. So you guys listening at home,

what would you do? Let her wear it. And again, she would outshine nobody. Right? Would you ban her from photos? Would you ask the photographer to gray scale her dress or like move her somehow or politely ask her to sit the wedding out. These are like four different, complete different things. Me, if I were in her situation where you already communicated and it was an issue.

I think I would just let her wear it, not I wouldn’t shine anybody. And then I would probably be like, okay, photographer, what can we do here? And then I would just like not worry about it. But again, I’m not in that situation. It’s very hard when you already have like a bad relationship. Right. Okay, here we go.

lemme get a drink of my energy drink here. It’s just to warm up my vocals because. I’m telling you guys, these allergies are just like making my throat scratchy. 

Hijacked Wedding Family of the Groom’s Control

Okay, here we go. Mother of the groom confessions. These are stories from the vault. So someone sent me these stories, okay? It’s finally my turn to share.

My husband and I had a set wedding date that was really meaningful to us, it also worked well with one of our closest friend’s work schedules. His mom had found a venue she thought would be perfect, but it wasn’t available on the date we’d chosen. She asked me what I thought about it, and if we’d consider switching dates.

I told her it was a beautiful venue, but I wanted to keep looking. We really wanted that specific date and I was also considering something outdoors. Then I went to work. When I got home, my husband was buzzing with excitement saying how thrilled he was that we had a venue and locked in our date. What? I was totally confused.

Turns out my mother-in-law had gone ahead and booked the venue anyway without waiting for our answer, just assuming she knew best. You are kidding me. Okay. I take back everything I said about reading crazy stories. This is the craziest mother of the groom story I’ve ever read. Why would you take that into your own hands?

And then I’m also wondering, I know that’s probably gonna come up, but I’m also wondering why the fiance heard it from his mom and was like, okay, this is awesome. This is cool. Wouldn’t he go to his like fiance first and be like, Hey, this is weird. Did you talk to my mom? But he’s like excited for it. Come on.

Okay, because we had agreed that his family would be covering the costs for the venue, I felt cornered. I ended up going along with a change and just tried to make it work. No. Oh my gosh. I feel terrible for her because here’s the thing, like, oh, I feel so bad for her because it’s like the husband comes in or partner comes in he’s like.

Oh, this is so great. We got this venue. So then she sees his excitement after already talking to the mom, the mother-in-law, and now she feels like she has to say yes because they’re paying for the venue. in reality she already told the mom like, no, I’m gonna keep looking. And she was like, you know what?

Screw you. I’m gonna do what I want anyways. no, it’s not your wedding. Oh my gosh. A few weeks later, I was talking about wedding dress in SPO during a family dinner with his side of the family. That’s when my father-in-law decided it was his job to take charge of my wedding dress, even though my family was paying for it.

Okay. In general, it’s weird that the family thinks that they have control over her wedding dress, but the father-in-law. I wouldn’t trust my own father to pick out my wedding dress. I wouldn’t trust my husband to pick out my wedding dress and he is got great style, but so it’s nothing against that. It’s just that’s such a personal, personal thing.

Oh my gosh. He insisted I buy it on Amazon to save money. But I had no problem spending $900 plus on my husband’s suit. That seems like a lot of money. We spent, gosh, I think under 300 from my husband’s suit. this isn’t sponsored or anything, but we used Modern Groom and it was like so easy. They sent it to us at home.

My husband and I are very like, let’s check the boxes. Like we. I don’t need to go somewhere and see 10 suits and see which one looks best. We pretty much were like, let’s look at them online and do it like, I don’t know. I know everybody’s different. That was just us, $900 plus for a suit, but he wanted her to order her dress on Amazon.

I politely told him I’d figure the dress out with my mom. He went ahead and ordered several dresses anyway was furious when I told him I’d already made a decision with my mom. Ew, I’m sorry. That is gross behavior. They are to completely like pulling her out of her own wedding situation. I need to talk to this person and get her on the podcast because this is like what?

That moment pretty much set the tone for the rest of the wedding planning. Tense. Okay. So again, where’s the fiance in all this? Why is he not backing her up and be like, dad, that’s fricking weird. Why are you ordering wedding dresses for my fiance on Amazon? What? he should be standing in here saying like, no, this isn’t okay.

I’m getting heated guys. Okay. My mother-in-law wanted to plan every little detail. She constantly reminded me that I hadn’t been married before, almost as if it was her way of justifying why she needed to take over. Oh, I’m so mad for her. Any bride, I mean I should say, majority of brides haven’t been through that before, and even if they’ve been married before.

Typically I see like they do a different style, like they do something different. Right. But it’s like even if she had been married before, I feel like this mother-in-law would’ve come in and been like, no, we need to do it my way. Like, why is that any constellation to be able to go in? She’s probably been married 30 years, so things have changed a lot since she got married.

So she’s trying to like redo her wedding through her son and daughter-in-law. It’s like, no, no, no, no. She kept pushing for her daughter, my sister-in-law, who I’m not close with to be one of the bridesmaids. Apparently she wasn’t a bridesmaid in her other sister-in-law’s wedding five years ago, and my mother-in-law wanted to fix that.

Oh my gosh. This family, I explained kindly that I had a specific vision and that anyone who wanted to wear a specific color to the wedding was welcome to wear dark green, but it wasn’t required. Later I got a message from my sister-in-law, double checking the color she’d been told by my mother-in-law, and it was the exact color of my bridesmaid dresses.

Why am I not surprised? Oh my gosh. I talked to her directly. She was super understanding, and from then on she came to me to confirm details. Oh my gosh. This mom was just like, Nope, it’s my wedding. Now I’m gonna do what I want. But the craziest thing, it happened a couple months before the wedding when we were sending out invites.

I had a few friends come over to help address envelopes and had previously asked my mother-in-law for all of her addresses the day of, she told me to just drop off the invites and send them out herself. No, I’m calling it now. I dunno what’s gonna happen. Do not do that. Do not do that. Someone that’s already ignoring your every wish.

your, every vision for the wedding is not gonna follow through with that simple task. No. Okay. I don’t like the next sentence. I was rushing to work, so I dropped them off and said I’d come pick up whatever was left later. No, But Why do we need the mother-in-law to send them out herself if they’re already labeled and everything?

Ugh. Biggest mistake she says. After she mailed the invitations, she casually mentioned we might need to do a reprint. I was confused. I had like 59 extras. Why would we need more later that week? While checking over the shared guest list spreadsheet, which I finalized eight months ago and shared with both sets of parents and my husband, I found the issue.

She sent out over 100 extra invitations about a month and a half before the wedding. My like planner self is getting so bent outta shape right now. This is not, oh my gosh. We need like a mean bridesmaid for every one of these nice brides because this is not okay. And again, where is the husband? Where is the fiance?

Also you don’t need to share. Your guest list with everyone. I had no reason to be like protective of my stuff, but like I don’t need to send my guest list to every single person, so just my husband and I had it like, why does everyone need to see every single person? We reached out to all the parents and they sent us their list, and I took care of everything else.

Again, if someone’s already showing you not to trust them, don’t trust them with a new and important task. Okay. She says, my family was providing the food, so I was beyond frustrated. I had always said they could invite as many people as they wanted, but it needed to be finalized months in advance. I asked my husband if he recognized the names he didn’t or were they distant cousins?

He had specifically said didn’t want there, or they were distant cousins that he specifically said he didn’t want there. the worst part, because the invites were already sent, I had no way to contact these people and uninvite them. I’m exhausted. I am exhausted for this bride. I cannot believe that this happened.

I am so sorry. couple more things that happened behind my back too. She tried to gather baby photos of me, even though I specifically said I did not want a slideshow or a wedding video. She tried to invite her own guest list to a bridal shower that was being hosted by my aunt. Why am I not surprised?

She did a hundred extra people to the wedding? I didn’t know what happened with this. Okay, let’s see. Then came the wedding day. People showed up late. Two of my husband’s groomsmen arrived an hour and a half after they were supposed to, and 30 minutes after the ceremony was scheduled to start. What? Oh my gosh.

People need to be reminded a hundred times. Some people need to be reminded a hundred times. Luckily we have no one late for our wedding, but I hear it happen all the time. we asked everyone to arrive an hour early for photos. Even my in-laws showed up 30 minutes late, adding to the chaos.

Luckily, once the ceremony started, everything turned out beautifully, but the lead up absolute hell. I need to know how this ended. I need to reach out to her and ask her what? The heck happened after this. Like, what is going on here? Because this is literally insane. The fact that a hundred x people were invited.

I need to know, like, did you need a bigger venue, a bigger room? How much was the cost, like. It was probably one of those where she was like, the mother-in-law was like, we’re paying for it. So if I wanna invite more people, I can. It’s my party now. that’s where I’m like, don’t accept money from people.

They’re gonna hold strings over your head and dangle it like a carrot. Right. if people want to help as a gift and you respect them and they respect you, then yes, let’s do it. If they wanna help, that’s great. If you already have a weird relationship, if they’re trying to control things, no, we’re not gonna ask for that.

We’re not gonna accept the help. again, where’s the fiance? Where’s the fiance in all of this? And why is he just on the Back burner or behind the scenes when his mom’s taking the lead. your wedding was hijacked. They, they took it from you. And I feel like those are the kind of weddings where people are most unhappy when they look back.

I’m glad she’s able to say, you know what? Everything turned out beautifully. Maybe it’s just me, but I would not be so, I wouldn’t be so like, cheerful about that. I’d be like, you know what, this was my, time to do my thing and it was taken from me, so I dunno. Oh my gosh. I feel like my blood pressure is up from that story.

A Wedding Day Gone Off the Rails

All right, I got one more short, one short-ish, so let’s get into it. All right. We almost canceled the wedding.

Everyone in our families was horrible to us. My mom made a huge deal about my dad coming with his wife. They’ve been married for 10 years. My mother-in-law was against the whole thing because in her view, you’re supposed to date for exactly five years first and already have bought a house. Oh my gosh.

Where people come up with these things. Some people get married after six months. Some people get married after six years. Some people get married for 20 years some people already have kids first. Like, why does it matter to you? If two people decide together, Hey, let’s get married. Just let them, oh my gosh.

I can’t imagine being so like stuck in my ways. We were 33 and 36 and we didn’t see the need to wait. I. She didn’t approve of my red inexpensive wedding shoes or my pre-ordered dress from Ali Express. She didn’t like that. My venue only held 100 people, that we invited only close friends and immediate family, and that her cousins weren’t invited, that we didn’t have a formal dinner, and that we skipped a dance floor altogether.

What that sounds like to me is that it’s just two people that were right to get married and knew exactly what they wanted, and I think that’s amazing. All weddings don’t have to be the same. All weddings don’t have to have a dance floor or an open bar or a formal dinner. Do what makes sense for you if you just wanna party and have some cake, invite your favorite people more power to you.

I don’t get why. I bet people get so like uptight about it. We hosted a five hour gathering with an open bar and buffet full of food. What more could you ask for? You got a full buffet of food and you got an open bar. I mean, that would make me happy. you don’t really need much else. Right. She even hated that.

My husband made my wedding bouquet himself. He crafted it as a final gift. I think that’s amazing. Wow. I received before walking down the aisle. He made it as a gift. I received walk before walking down the aisle. One of his close friends handed it to me right before I entered. love that. I’ve never heard of that before.

I actually laughed the whole way down the aisle because my mom didn’t make it to the church on time. Where is this Poor girl’s family. My mother-in-law shushed me for laughing. She had already screamed at my husband the night before. My mom wasn’t at the church because she wasn’t ready. Oh my gosh. I had gone to her house to have my makeup and hair done, but I was left alone while she and my younger sister disappeared to another part of the house to get themselves ready.

My older sister stayed with me for a bit, even though she was pregnant with twins. She eventually left for the church. Oh my gosh. I just don’t understand. People just can’t be there for someone else let them shine on their day. It’s so disappointing to hear these stories where they’re like, yeah, I was alone, or My mom didn’t come, or My maid of honor was late, or The groomsman never showed up.

It’s like, come on. It’s not that hard. Be on time or be where you need to be for people that you really care about. It was so sad that even the photographer left quietly without saying anything. I was ready to go, but my mom still wasn’t, and she told me to wait because she needed more time.

I said, not my problem, and left. She arrived 15 minutes later. Okay. That’s crazy that the photographer left really though. ’cause that has a contract tied to it. You shouldn’t just leave your photographer. My mother-in-law invited her cousins to the church anyway. One of my husband’s female cousins wore a white dress another white dress debacle.

I went out to the terrace with one of my best friends for a cigarette, one of my husband’s other cousins followed me to see what I was doing and didn’t leave until I did. Weird. Later. One of my husband’s brothers told me that now I was a part of the family. He hated me and then punched my sister’s husband in the face.

What? Okay, this is weird. So there’s family drama, and with all of that, I was still so happy. I honestly didn’t care, but I cut them all off after that. I don’t know how people move forward after these crazy events take place. I could not stand to be like at a holiday with someone that treated my family like that.

Sounds like she cut them off, but like that’s hard ’cause it’s your husband’s family and if you have kids together or if you move, or all these other big life events like. Where’s the family now? so that’s terrible. I’m props to you for having good boundaries and all that, but gosh, both these stories are wild, wild, wild.

You guys know, we have a lot of mother-in-law stories, and again, not all mothers, but these stories right here, were sent by two different, couples. We get a lot of them just because I think a lot of brides follow me, but I do my best to go through different quote unquote problem. People, right. So, we just get a lot of mother of the groom stories, but I promise you there are crazy stories about every member I’ve seen.

Oh my gosh. I think I need get my blood pressure checked. That’s that first story was wild, you guys. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well that was a wild ride. Thank you guys for listening and being a part of my wedding party Patreon. It means so much to me that you guys are here. and take the time to hang out with me here.

 a lot of fun to put these episodes together because I kind of feel like it’s. Off the hook. I don’t know. I put a lot of planning behind it, but it’s just different than the regular episodes. So it’s fun to do these little bonus ones. If you guys love this episode, please do me a huge favor and tell one friend about this Patreon.

Share it on social media, share it with a friend in a text message, whatever that is. just spreading the word really helps, more people hear about it. So let’s keep that going. Next month, we are gonna chat all about the wedding guest stories. And this is one we haven’t really talked too much about.

So I’ve got some good ones from the vault that I’m gonna share with you. And if you guys have a story that you wanna contribute from a wedding that you’ve been to or you’ve seen, or your own wedding, or you’ve read it somewhere, send it to me in the, wedding party, Patreon group chat, or you can message it to me anywhere.

And, I’ll try to get it on the show. All right guys. Thanks so much for hanging out with me this month, and I will see you next time. And until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. Bye now.

 All right guys. I hope you enjoyed that special. Look at a Patreon episode at full disclosure. We are currently pause on Patreon right now, so if you’re looking to sign up, don’t, ’cause it won’t be there. to be completely transparent, I just don’t have the bandwidth right now, so I just didn’t feel like it was right for me to.

Keep creating content over there when I just didn’t feel like I could give all of myself to it. So I’m putting more into the skits, more into my book, and then more into, of course, these podcast episodes here. So I hope you guys enjoyed it again, that was such a fun episode for me to put together, and I’m glad more of you guys can listen to it.

The Thanksgiving Reveal That Changed Everything

Now as promised, here’s the first chapter of my audiobook. Here comes the drama. Enjoy.

Part one, chapter one, Kate can’t believe her ears. She picks up her glass of wine, throws back what’s left, then stands up and storms out of the living room with a loud huff. Her daughter Jenny, watches her leave in pure confusion, then glances at everyone else before quickly jumping off the couch to follow her.

Mom, are you okay? She yells after her hurrying closer. She notices a drop of red wine has stained her mom’s white blouse. Ugh. I just know she’s doing this to get my son away from me. Kate charges into the next room looking unsteady, like she’s about to burst. What are you talking about, Jenny? Quickly, interjects Sloan isn’t taking anyone away from you.

Her eyes drift toward the window where snow has just started falling. At first it was light and quiet, barely noticeable, but now it’s beginning to fall in thick clumps, sticking to the glass, like something trying to get in. Kate pushes up her round brown glasses as a be of sweat drips from her forehead.

Did you not just hear them? They come waltzing in here on Thanksgiving to tell us they’re not going to be here on Christmas. Her voice trembles with a mix of hurt and disbelief For a moment, she questions whether or not she’s overreacting, but the thought vanishes as quickly as it came. Her stance is firm now.

There’s no going back. Jenny looks at her mother dumbfounded. She takes a deep breath to save herself from calling out her mother’s ridiculousness right here, right now. Yeah, they planned a vacation together. I think it’s perfectly acceptable. She runs a hand through her long, dirty blonde hair, exhaling sharply.

You can’t tell them not to go on vacation together. The snow was falling harder Now. Piling on the windowsill in soft, heavy heaps, like the weight of everything left unsaid in the room. But on Christmas, there are 364 other days of the year. Why’d they have to pick Christmas? Kate’s voice gets louder each time she talks and there is clear panic in her voice like she’s been robbed.

My guess is because they wanted to spend the holidays together. Jenny sarcastically replies, this isn’t some weird thing for a boyfriend to do with his girlfriend. Kate rolls her eyes before putting her head down and her hands and mumbling. You just watch Jenny. This is how it all starts. Then soon they’re just not going to show up for certain holidays.

She looks up staring off as if she just had an epiphany hearing her own words. Mom. You should be happy that Ferris found someone he loves and wants to spend his time with. Jenny says, resting a hand on her mom’s back. Now can we go back out there, put on a happy face, and enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving?

She raises both point of fingers to the corners of her mouth, exaggerating a smile. After a long pause, Kate pulls a tissue out of her pocket and dabs her face. Although Jenny didn’t see any tears. Fine. Kate stands tall, touches up her short brown hair, and forces a painful, wide smile. How’s this great?

Jenny gives her a swift thumbs up and gestures for her mother to follow her back out into the living room where the others are. GI is the first to step back into her parents’ living room. Where she spots her brother, Ferris at the fridge, grabbing two beers, one for their dad, Ted, and one for himself. The room is warm with the scent of Thanksgiving leftovers, and the muffled hum of conversation drifts in from the dining room.

You need more wine, babe. Ferris calls out over his shoulder. His voice casual but affectionate. His short, faintly golden hair with brown undertones is slightly tussled. A few strands falling in his face as he reaches for the fridge. Sloan is curled up on the couch, legs crossed, swirling the last bit of red wine in her glass, her long, almost black hair drapes over one shoulder, catching the warm glow of the Christmas lights.

She’s wearing a soft knit sweater, dress in a deep burgundy, paired with thick socks, comfortable yet casually stylish in a way that almost seems natural to her. She looks over at him with a small knowing. Smile. No, I still have some left. Thanks, Sloane. Smirks and turns just a little as she notices. Jenny walking back in.

Oh hey, everything okay? Her eyes flick between Jenny and Kate searching for any sign of what just happened. She knew Kate was upset about the trip. But sometimes it was easier to pretend she didn’t notice than to invite more drama. Yeah. Sorry about that. Jenny says quickly, my mom thought she ate something bad.

Her voice is light, but there’s a flicker of something else beneath it before Sloan can press GI shifts gears. So anyway, tell us more about your trip. Where are you guys going? She walks right up to Sloan and sits down at the chair across from her. Kate Reenters the room lingering near the doorway, arms crossed displeasure, practically radiating off her.

We’re going to Santa Monica. Sloan replies quietly combing her hair behind her ear. I’ve never been before. Ferris knows I hate the snow, so he planned for a warm vacation to get us out of here. It was all his idea, so he’ll have more of the details. She looks over at Ferris now seated next to her on the couch, Ferris hands, beer to his dad.

Then takes a sip of his own and leans back. Yeah, I mean, I don’t have too much planned yet, but I thought we’d escape the dreaded Milwaukee winter and soak up some sun for once. He nods toward the window where thick clumps of snow swirl in the wind. Before reaching over and gently taking Sloan’s hand Sloan glances down at their intertwined fingers, a soft smile forming as warmth blooms in her chest.

But even in the comfort of this moment, she can feel Kate’s disapproval lingering like a heavy cloud that refuses to pass. That sounds amazing. Jenny jumps in quickly. What do you think, mom? Doesn’t that sound fun? Her voice is too chipper. Eyes flicking toward Kate with the hope that a simple question might smooth over the crack in the room.

Ted shifts slightly in his chair. His gaze fixed on his wife. He raises his eyebrows just enough to signal, go easy, try to be happy, but it’s clear he’s bracing himself after almost 30 years of marriage. He knows her moods, her tells he knows exactly where this could be headed. When Kate answers, yeah, it sounds great.

With a snap of sarcasm. Ted Exhales just barely for a split second. It seems like that might be the end of it, but then he catches the sudden shift. In her expression. She gasps his shoulders, stiffen. Here it comes. Maybe we should all go. Her somber mood instantly flips to excitement making her way to the front of the room.

Sloan tenses, every instinct screams at her to shut the idea down, but she hesitates. It’s not her place. Kate has always been dismissive of her. Why would this moment be any different? Funny mom, Ferris cuts in forcing a chuckle, but there’s an edge of unease in his voice. No, I’m serious. Wouldn’t it be great?

Kate stands as if she’s launching into a full blown presentation. She turns to her husband, eyes bright with enthusiasm. Ted, shouldn’t we go? Ted? Takes a deep breath. Kate. We can go to Santa Monica any other time. I don’t think we need to hijack our son’s vacation with his girlfriend. He runs a hand across his forehead as if trying to smooth out the wrinkles.

He’s certain are forming. Oh, come on. It’ll be so much fun to spend Christmas together in California. Kate is starting to act like this is the best idea she’s ever had. She turns back towards Ferris, gesturing to the Christmas tree already up in the living room, decorated with ornaments, with brief reminders of their childhood.

You know how much Christmas means to me. Ferris opens his mouth like he’s about to say something when a defeated look appears on his face, and he stops. He knows his mom. She doesn’t take hearing no very well, and it would turn into a huge ordeal if he tries to push back Now. He tries to figure out a way to get her to back off a bit and decides to change the subject.

Leaning forward and peeking around Sloan to catch his dad’s eye. Wow. Dad, I am so full. That Turkey you made was fantastic. Way better than last year’s. Ted Beams about to respond. When Kate jumps in. It was, you really know how to make the holidays special around here. All of you. Her smile is a little too bright as she claps her hands together.

Now, who wants dessert? She asks already pivoting toward the kitchen. That sounds great. I’ll help you. Jenny says, as she shakes her head behind her mom and disappointment, as Kate and Jenny disappear into the kitchen, Ted leans in lowering his voice for only Ferris and Sloan to hear. Hey. He says, offering a warm smile.

I think the trip sounds perfect. You too deserve it. He pauses his eyes flicking toward the kitchen, and you know how your mother is. She just needs a minute to adjust. Don’t let it ruin your plans. Ferris puts his arm around Sloan gently pulling her closer. There was no doubt in his mind. Sloan didn’t want his mom on their couple’s vacation and he wasn’t going to let it happen.

It wasn’t unusual for his mom to try to control new situations. In the past, he might’ve let it slide, but not this time. Sloan was different. She was his person. She was articulate, compassionate and beautiful, but not in a way that banked for attention. More like the kind of beauty that you noticed slowly.

Then couldn’t unsee. Ferris used to tell his mom everything back when he was a kid. It had felt natural, easy even. She always knew what to say. Always had a plan. But then he remembered the summer after seventh grade. He had been obsessed with skateboarding, saving up every dollar from mowing lawns to buy his first board.

He and his best friend Ben, would spend hours practicing tricks, wiping out on the pavement, laughing at their bruises until Kate decided it was dangerous. He’s a bad influence. She had told him one night, arms crossed, lips pressed into a thin line. Always pushing you to do reckless things. You’ll break an arm Ferris, and what about school?

You need to focus. He had argued, of course he had, but then came the nagging, the disappointed size, the gentle, but firm reminders of all the things she had done for him. I’m only trying to protect you, and so he quit. He told Ben he was too busy and that his mom needed his help around the house. It wasn’t true, but it was easier than fighting about it or living with guilt.

Now, years later, Ferris knew better. He saw the pattern, the way she packaged control as concern. It wasn’t just about skateboarding or friends or even his career. It was everything, every choice, every step he took, which is why he barely told her anything anymore. They enjoyed their dessert together.

Moving past the idea of them all, going to Santa Monica for Christmas. Ferris did his best to get his mom talking about her new book club with the neighbor Ladies after dessert, he and Sloane start inching their way to the door, getting on their shoes and coats so they can head home. Oh, leaving so soon.

Kate’s voice carries a hint of surprise, though it’s clear she’s more focused on keeping them there than acknowledging how difficult she could be. Sloan turns and smiles at Kate trying to keep things light. Yeah, it’s getting light. I’m hoping to call my mom on the way home since we didn’t get to see her this year for Thanksgiving.

Kate ignores Sloan’s comment and turns towards Ferris. Well, bye guys. It was so great having you guys here for Thanksgiving, as you should be for all holidays. Kate accentuates the all to make sure they remember where she stands. Ferris forces a smile before placing his hand on Sloan’s back as they turn to leave.

I’ll meet you in the car in just a sec. I forgot to grab some pie to take home. Oh yeah, sure. Bye Kate. Bye, Ted. Thanks again for having us. The food was delicious. Sloan says, wrapping her scarf around her neck as she stepped out of the house. Okay, so there’s pumpkin and apple pie left. Which did you want?

You know what, I’ll go grab you some of each. Kate says as she hurs into the kitchen. Um, I’ll have some apple, but actually I don’t really need any pie. Ferris says, checking to make sure Sloan hasn’t walked back into the house. He looks directly at his mom. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. Of course.

Look, I’m really excited for this vacation. I’m going to start planning tonight. Kate interrupts a little too quickly. Ted easing his way back into the living room, props his legs up in the recliner. His eyes are tired and it’s clear he’s had enough for the night. He knows exactly how his wife can be, so he shuts down, retreating into his own space.

No, mom, you can’t come. Ferris says his tone firmer this time. What do you mean? Why? Oh wait. You’re breaking up with Sloan, aren’t you? I knew something was off tonight. What? No, nothing was off with us tonight. I’d really like this trip to just be Sloan and me so we can have some time alone. A long time.

Kate Scoffs. What do you need alone time for? You already live together. I hardly see you anymore. She pauses before adding. I wouldn’t want to intrude, but maybe I could just stay nearby. Dad and I will get our own hotel room. We’ll have our own time, but we can meet up for dinners and stuff. She continues rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

Searching for a container bag big enough for the leftover pie. No, I’m sorry. I love you, but this trip is for Sloan in me. I need you to respect that Ferris states for a moment. Kate wonders if she’s being too harsh, if maybe she’s giving him a reason to pull away. But the thought is bleeding. She quickly reminds herself of everything she’s done for him over the years.

He still needs her. Well, what if something happens? I could help you plan it. It’s already planned and paid for Ferris Exhales. But look, I need to tell you why. It just needs to be the two of us. Okay? Kate stops what she’s doing and stands there wide-eyed, staring at her son. Actually, I kind of want to tell Dad too really quickly.

Hey dad, can you come in here, Ted Hurries over from the other room to join them. So really quick, I want to talk to you and mom to let you know why I want to take Sloan on vacation. Just the two of us. Oh man, I think I know where this is going. Ted says, with a big smile on his face. Ferris looks over at his mom.

Who looks like she’s just seen a ghost. I actually plan on surprising Sloan and proposing the first night we’re there, the room goes silent and Ferris looks at both of his parents for any kind of approval. Ted looks at Kate waiting for her reaction, proposing what? She responds slowly. Her voice tinged with uncertainty as she tries to piece it all together.

She knew exactly what he meant, but if he saw how confused she was, maybe he would take it as a sign that the timing wasn’t right. Come on, Kate. Ted finally jumps in. Oh my gosh, Ferris, this is so exciting. He walks up and wraps his arms around his son. Giving him a strong, reassuring pat on the back, the silent gesture filled with unspoken.

Congratulations. Kate just stands there staring at the two of them, vowing her naivety. Marriage Mom Ferris says, is he loosened his dad’s grip on him and turns. What else am I going to propose? What, but you hardly know her. Are you sure she’s the right one for you? She starts shuffling around the kitchen, cleaning up items from dinner, forgetting about the pie completely.

Ted is caught in the middle looking around like he’s praying for an out. I don’t consider two and a half years together. Hardly knowing each other. Yes, I know she’s the right one for me. Ferris’s voice is tight as he peers out the window behind him to make sure Sloan is okay in the car. His mom isn’t backing down, but you are so young.

Maybe just give it some more time. Ted can’t hold his tongue anymore. I think what your mom is trying to say is congratulations, right to Kate, he says. Looking over at her, giving her every opportunity to change her tune. Congratulations. It hasn’t even happened yet. He is just telling us his hypothetical plan.

He still has to really think about it. She smiles. I don’t think you realize how big of a decision this truly is for her. She says Condescendingly putting her hand on the counter to reach out and touches. Ferris pulls his hand back and moves away from the counter. Okay, well I can see where this conversation is going.

He takes a moment to take a breath and gather himself. Thank you Dad for the congratulations. Sloan’s waiting in the car, so I gotta get going, but um, thanks. I guess he hurries past his parents and out the door before he realizes he forgot the pie Shit.

by Christa Innis

Dealing with Burnout, FIL Demands and a Bride Pushed to Her Limits

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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One wedding. Too many problems. Not enough boundaries.

There is always some level of chaos and stress around a wedding, but this one pushes well past it. What starts with a condition between the bride’s last name quickly unravels into late-night drives, missing hotel rooms, and plans that never quite land. It’s never just the tension in the background. It shows up in guests crossing boundaries, bringing uninvited plus-ones, breaking child-free rules, and inserting themselves where they should not. Turning into a steady stack of drama, each moment making it harder to ignore.

This episode opens on a more personal note, where I share more about burnout, the pressure to stay consistent, and navigating a major life transition, before getting into hot takes on wedding expectations, financial pressure, and the boundaries people tend to forget. 

Listen through the story, the patterns behind it, and where everything starts to fall apart.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Burnout Reality – Balancing content creation, burnout, and being present as a mom, and what that actually looks like behind the scenes. 
  • Hot Takes Segment – Bridesmaids becoming a financial burden, destination weddings and saying no, and why registries and extra events can go too far. 
  • The Night Before the Wedding – Last-minute tasks, delays, and a hotel room that never quite comes together. 
  • The Father-in-Law’s Condition – A demand around the bride’s last name that turns the wedding into a negotiation before it even begins. 
  • The $100 Bar Contribution – A promise to “cover the bar” that raises bigger questions about control and intent. 
  • Guests Crossing the Line – Uninvited plus-ones, a child-free wedding being disregarded, and guests showing up without respect for the couple’s boundaries. 
  • Backhanded Comments – Remarks about the bride’s appearance and behavior that cross from uncomfortable into outright disrespectful.
  • The Breaking Point – A series of moments that build until the situation feels less like stress and more like something that cannot be ignored.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “It’s okay to step back and take a breath. People will survive.”
  • “Their lives still move on. Your wedding is the most important day to you, not to everyone else.” 
  • “You should not feel guilty about not attending a destination wedding. It’s an invitation, not a demand.” 
  • “At the end of the day, we can only take these as lessons for future events.” 
  • “You should not expect a gift if someone declines your wedding invite.”

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Once I was fully dressed, I walked into the room where my mom was, where my mom was expecting at least some kind of reaction. Instead, she looked at me and said, you know, weddings are really about the mother of the bride. What? This is actually my day. I can’t believe when people say this is, did this really happen? 

Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome to my final episode of, here Comes the Drama filmed in this room. Did I scare you guys? So, this is the last time I’ll be filming a podcast episode or anything at this house. as you guys know, I am moving. many of you guys know, I don’t really share too many personal details, so it’s just kind of been a here and there thing.

I don’t plan on sharing too much. I like to keep my. Private life, private, you know, security and privacy is very important to me, so that’s one of the main reasons, but it’s very bittersweet. my husband and I have been here six years. Of course, this is my daughter’s first home, and so I feel like there’s like a lot of like unspoken anxiety about all that.

Not just with moving, but I’ve just been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately. It’s okay if I get a little vulnerable with you guys. I feel like this is a safe place for me to get vulnerable because people that are gonna take the time to listen to the podcast usually are pretty invested and are, loyal listeners.

Mom Life, Content Creation, and Burnout Cycles

Like the content. So I know this is a little shift from the beginning, I promise you we’ll get to the drama, but I just wanna be real with you guys. I mean, creating content is a dream. Like it’s so much fun. Of course, that’s not the only thing I do as many people think, but. it really is the dream.

It’s so much fun. I’ve worked in social media marketing for a long time and I love it. it’s fun to be able to create and being able to turn this into books I have many more plans for that of course, but there’s a lot of burnout that comes with it and, Like the feeling that I am, this could be be gone in a second.

And I put a lot of pressure on myself. And even with this move, I was like, originally I’m like, I’m gonna give myself a week off. But then I get this panic feeling of like, if I don’t post, people will be mad if I don’t post. Which it feels wild to think, but it’s like I’ve made this like part of my career and so I’m like, I don’t wanna let people down.

I wanna be creating. and it’s just hard sometimes to find the balance. you know, even when I worked corporate jobs, I definitely dealt with burnout. Definitely. Like, I would say at least once a quarter I would deal with some kind of burnout, because I go, go, go, go, go. I say yes to everything. I stay late, I arrive early, you know, whatever that is.

 and then there’s just, it like slowly hits me and then it’s just like, damn. I need to like, close my computer, turn off my phone and like pull myself away from anything for a while. And I know I’m starting to feel that ’cause there’s just so much going on right now. And so, like, even as, as I’m recording this, by the time you guys hear this, it’ll be like six weeks later.

So hopefully I’m out of this. But, As the time I’m recording this, we’re moving in a couple days and I’m still recording and filming. You know, like my closet is still, I’m filming in my closet at this place. Hunt’s one of the reasons we need to move, but, and I’m still surrounded by clothes. so I need to be moving everything out tomorrow.

I just, I hold onto a lot and I feel a lot of imposter syndrome with doing all this. Um, I’m not gonna try to get too vulnerable because I always feel like if someone’s listening, it’s their first time, they’re gonna be like, uh, Ron for the hills. but I deal with such bad imposter syndrome. I feel like I’m constantly trying to be liked by people.

 and so when I go to post, I’m like, oh my gosh, are they gonna like me? Um. This is like long before, you know, social media or making content on this page. That’s just something I’ve always dealt with. I remember bosses coming to me and being like, you’re doing so great. Like, you know, thanks for getting us to this achievement or doing this.

And I’d be like, who are they talking to? They’re not talking to me. There’s no way. it’s just something I’ve always dealt with. and I remember posting about this before and I had so many people send me messages that were just so kind and so helpful. I just feel like at any moment. All of this could be pulled away from me, and that can happen with anything.

Um, and I need to constantly remind myself that, um, sorry guys, that just to take it like day by day, I need to constantly remind myself to take things day by day and, allow myself to have breaks. I like being productive and I like doing things and getting things done, but I also like being a very present mom.

And so that’s also shifted how I work. it’s hard for me to a hundred percent focus on work when she’s awake or when she’s out or needs me because, she’s such a pivotal point, like part of my life of course. And so I wanna be very present. She’s a very present father too, you know, and so, like, he’s obviously very capable, but it’s just like, I don’t wanna miss on moments too.

So I find I’m constantly in this fight or flight mode, and maybe I need to talk to someone about that, not just on the podcast. Maybe I’m just letting it all out now. but yeah, I feel like I’m in this fight or flight mode a lot of the times because I’m, uh, always, you know, when I’m with my daughter.

Like, you know, helping her or, you know, assisting or whatever I need to do. then when I have limited time to get stuff done, I’m like, okay, let’s put this on a list. I have to get through these five things in the next three hours. or when she’s down for bed, then I’m like, okay, I’m gonna get through these things, but I’m exhausted.

And so a lot of people don’t know that that’s what kind of goes on behind the scenes. usually like I have like two good days that I’m like very focused on work and like. That’s like my husband’s out there with my daughter. and then the other days I kind of flop it where like, my husband focuses on work and then I am, with my daughter, in the mornings we kind of.

Not that anyone cares about our schedules. Um, but it’s just like, I feel like I’m always in this fight or flight. Like people are like, oh, where’s the next part? And that’s just kind of a little more behind the scenes. And it’s kind of wild because it’s like anytime I’m in a burnout stage, it’s like you’re doing stuff you love and that’s what’s the hard part.

’cause you’re like, well, like my husband will be like, well, just don’t post something today. And I’m like, but I love the creation. It makes me feel. Valid. It makes me feel like I’m, accomplishing something. It makes me feel like I’m doing something. but at the same time, I think it’s an important lesson.

So for anyone that’s listening and needs this advice, I feel like it’s an important lesson. Like when we get that feeling of burned out, that it’s okay to step back and, , you know. Take a breath and people will survive. If you know nothing is life or death. That’s why I always say I am like, I remember when I did my marketing job, six years ago, and that boss would always say like, you know what, nothing is life or death like seriously, If the sales report doesn’t get done by the end of the week, it’s okay. so that’s a good reminder. You know, it’s like, it’s good to, you know, just take a step back and do something for you. I’ve been trying to do like meditation and stuff too, so that was a rabbit hole. Also, I think I need to stop reading comments.

But anyway, how are you guys doing? I hope you guys are doing great. I just needed to get that out. I feel like there’s like just a lot of like emotion and feeling with this place like that. I’ve lived here for so long and now we’re like in the midst of packing and there’s just all these like last minute things and, um, I talked about it before, just like.

like a crier, or I was a crier more so before my daughter was born, and now I just feel like I’m always like, go, go, go. I don’t always have time to cry, and it’s like, bam, whoa. Everything’s sending me at once. Okay, I’ll stop being boring. You guys are still hanging on with me. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for being here. Like thanks for letting me get vulnerable. there’s more to come. It’s really hard to be vulnerable. It’s really hard to be vulnerable and share, like, as I said, like I’m very private and I think in the nature of the kind of content I do, being skits and telling stories, I’m able to easily hide, right?

Wedding Hot Takes and Wedding Role Expectation

So it’s like if something’s going on here, I don’t have to bring it on camera. I can just. I can just turn on the character from a skit, that makes it a little bit easier. So I’m trying to be a little more vulnerable and allow myself to share more, but it’s really scary. So thanks for being here. All right, let’s jump into some fun stuff.

 we’re gonna start with some hot takes, and then we’ll do the blind reaction story. That seems pretty wild. Okay. All right, here we go. Hot takes. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is more of a financial obligation than an honor these days. Ooh. You know, I would kind of have to agree. I would say there’s a lot of people that mean well by who they want ask in their wedding, and it’s still holds true honor.

However, I think we get caught up in the Pinterest wedding and we want all these. Unrealistic expectations. And I’ve read so many stories where it seems like they just want a number. And that’s sad to me because we lose the point of having like a bridesmaid or a groomsman or someone by your side, it’s caught up in what can they do for me?

What money can they put into the wedding? And that’s just not okay. Um. For me, it was more about the actual person, less about what money can they put in or what time can they put in? And your wedding, like to you, it’s the most important day. But to everybody else, it’s, just another day.

Their lives still move on. So I think we need to remember that. But unfortunately, I do see it many times as being a financial obligation. People are having to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars. I find people writing to me that they’ve gone bankrupt. Because of being in a wedding, and that’s just a true friend would never ha put you in that situation.

Okay. Two plus ones should only be given to couples who have been together for at least a year. Um, I wanna disagree on that. I think it’s just up to the bride and groom. I don’t think it should have to be a certain amount of time. I think, you know, like there’s situations where maybe they’ve just never met your plus one.

They never go to anything. So they have no relationship with them, Do they need to be obligated to invite the person? No, I don’t think so. Especially if you live like outta state, you never see them. but then there’s other couples. Maybe they meet you right away or maybe they meet your plus one right away.

You always hang out so. I don’t think it should matter that you haven’t been together a year. And then some weddings just give plus ones to everybody. I remember going to a wedding where my mom’s friend once years ago, and I got a plus one. I was 19. I wasn’t even, no, maybe 19 or 20, and I was not even planning on bringing a plus one.

I was like, oh, I guess I was bringing my friend from college. So yeah. Number three, if you can’t afford to attend a destination wedding, You shouldn’t feel guilty saying no. No matter how close you are to the couple, yes, 100%. You should not feel guilty about not attending a destination wedding.

It is a request. It’s an invitation, not a demand. You do not have to be there. That’s why I don’t get, when people say destination weddings are selfish, it’s their wedding. They can do whatever they want for their wedding. It’s not selfish. So just in the same way, it’s not selfish for you to say no. It’s not rude for you to say no if you can’t afford it.

Don’t go. I remember being invited to destination wedding years ago, I wanna say maybe 10 years ago, and, loved the couple. we were pretty close with them. I wouldn’t say like best friends, but pretty close. And I just knew we couldn’t afford it. It was just out of our price range. And we said, no, there was no hard feelings.

We saw them like the following weekend and asked ’em all about it, and it was great. Okay. Four engagement parties are unnecessary. And just another gift grab.

 I am gonna say yes, they are unnecessary because I don’t want anyone to feel like you have to have one. So yes, I’m gonna say engagement parties are unnecessary. and. In all of my time of going to many, many weddings, I think I’ve only been to one or two engagement parties, and the ones I’ve been to, no, two, two or three.

The ones I’ve been to were more of like a proposal, like fun, surprise, engagement party after. It wasn’t like a special extra party. It was more like we were all waiting at someone’s house and then the couple came and so it turned into like a little mini engagement party. it was like just immediate family, very simple, just like desserts.

Um, I don’t even think there were gifts that I knew of. So it was very simple. So I think you can do it tastefully, and I think it’s. Totally fine to celebrate as an engagement party, but in general, I think they’re unnecessary. I don’t think you have to have one. There’s a lot of pressure. People feel like they have to, they see these, again, these Pinterest boards or social media like beautiful engagement parties, and they’re like, oh my gosh, another expense.

Like I never once felt like I had to have an engagement party again. when I got engaged, two of our best friend couples were there. when the proposal happened, then it turned into like, oh, we were having champagne with like, four of our closest friends. So if you wanna call that a mini engagement party, but not really, right?

No one else was there. Um, five. It’s rude to have a child free wedding if most of your guests have kids. No, it’s not rude. Again, it’s your choice as the couple getting married. Me personally, if I knew most of my guests, like, had small kids and like had to come with them, like maybe I would reconsider, but like a lot of our friends at the time we got married had kids and most of them were like, we need a night out.

We need a night away. But like for example, one of my, brides mates was like. Going through some family stuff before, and she didn’t know if she had a babysitter. And I was like, bring your daughter to the rehearsal dinner. We will figure it out. Like my first thought wasn’t like, keep kids away. It was like, how can I make sure we help you?

What do you need? And she was like, a persistent. She was like, no, no, no, I’m, not bringing her. I’m just, you know, it’s going on. I was like, okay, well that is an option. I’m not gonna turn you away. Like if you need to bring her, we can keep her occupied. There’s plenty of people here to help. but.

No, I never think, I don’t think it’s rude. I would not think it’s rude if someone invited just me and my husband. There are certain places that are only for adults and that’s okay. Six wedding speeches should be ca at three minutes, no exceptions. I’m gonna say no because I’ve heard some longer ones that are fine, but I would never go over like four, five, absolutely. Tops. They should be capped. I would say like four minutes I think is okay. it also depends on how many people are talking. If you have just one person giving a speech, go wild. Go four or five minutes. If you have multiple, then yes, let’s cut it off at two to three minutes.

Okay. Number seven, if the couple is paying for the wedding themselves, they shouldn’t have to invite extended family. They barely know. Um, 100%. Yeah, you I mean, you should never feel like you have to invite someone you don’t know, even if someone else is paying for it. or paying for part of it.

But that needs to be established ahead of time because we hear those crazy stories where people give money with strings attached and they say, well, you have to invite so and so. So before you accept money from somebody or talk about money, make sure it’s established. Like, this is how we’re having the wedding, though.

We will accept a gift of whatever, but this is how we’re doing it. And then if you feel like any strings are attached, then make sure you, uh, don’t accept that money. Okay. Posting your wedding registry for more than once is tacky. I’m gonna go with posting it at all. Um, I don’t think you should be posting your wedding registry.

Where are you posting it? I think you should put it on your bridal shower invite. And I think you should put it on your wedding website invitation. But posting any kind of registry to your social media? No. If that’s what this is talking about, um, no. We shouldn’t be doing GoFundMe or registries to the public.

 people that we’re not inviting to these events, people that we don’t know, why are we accepting gifts from people that we wouldn’t invite to our own wedding? So yeah, posting it, no, we’re not gonna post it. Just give it to people that are invited to different events. Bridesmaids shouldn’t have to pay for their own dresses.

Uh, I go back and forth. I feel like if I were to get married now, I wouldn’t make them pay for it. but that was the only thing. I had them pay for everything else, like was covered and I was like, wear whatever shoes you want. Um, and the dresses were under a hundred dollars, but, So it’s kind of like something that you have to establish ahead of time, saying like, okay, I expect you to buy these dresses.

This is the budget we’re gonna look at. Um, it’s one of those things that communication can really help. but don’t make them pay thousands of dollars for a trip. So, yeah, I don’t know. I, I don’t think. It should be a guarantee, but I think if that’s what you kind of have in mind for your own wedding, just make sure you’re clear about it.

All right, last one. If someone declines your wedding invite, you shouldn’t expect to get a gift. I actually 100% agree with this. I think if you are invited to a wedding, if you are close to that person, you just can’t make it. You should send something. It doesn’t need to be huge. Or it could even just be a card, a small gift card, you know, buy a drink next time or out, whatever that is, depending on how close you are.

But as the bride or groom or anyone getting married, you should not expect a gift. For me, like if people said no, I was not expecting to hear from them or get something extra special from them, I’m like, no, you can just text me thing, like, congratulations. I don’t know. But even then it’s just like, no, I don’t think you should expect it.

People decline for all kinds of reasons. One could be financials, maybe they don’t have the money to do it. And I think if we’re inviting someone, it should be on, be beyond what they’re gonna give us. Okay. Here we go. Let’s get to this week’s blind reaction. My wedding was honestly a nightmare surrounded by difficult personalities with the lead up at just as chaotic.

My husband and I were young living in Boston, trying to plan a wedding that wouldn’t break the bank but would still be meaningful. We decided to put more of our money toward our honeymoon and a future down payment on a home that’s very smart. Uh, we got married in the Boston Common with our reception at the Old State House.

My dad contributed a couple thousand dollars, which helped with catering and deposits, and my father-in-law told my husband he would cover the bar. As the wedding got closer, my father-in-law sent a check for the bar for $100. Inside the car, he wrote that we should use it to buy plenty of milk. I still don’t know what that meant.

Wedding for a Condition

Around the same time during a visit to their house, which for contacts was worth over a million dollars, my father-in-law sat me down and told me I was not allowed to hyphenate my last name. I’m sorry, is he gonna be the one that has your name? Why? Why does that bother him? According to him, I either take their last name fully or call off the wedding.

Those are your only two options. Oh my gosh. I know so many women that kept their own last name because of different accomplishments they had. They wanted to keep it on their own name, or. They, Hyphenated. that’s up to you, not anyone else coming in and saying that his partner, who I’ll just refer to as my mother-in-law, okay.

Kept insisting on specific foods she wanted at the wedding and wouldn’t take no for an answer. They’re contributed a hundred dollars to the bar. They don’t have much strings to pull here.

I finally stood my ground and said, it’s my name and I can do what I want with it. And since you’re not contributing to the wedding, you don’t get a say on food. Yes, yes, yes. That didn’t go over well, but I was done being pushed around. We got married in 2000, 2001, just two weeks after nine 11. So travel was already stressful for my family, who all lived outta state.

My sister Dana arrived with my mom. My parents are divorced and it’s always been tense, and my older sister, Rachel, my maid of honor, arrived with her husband. Rachel had told me she booked a hotel suite for the night before the wedding for the two of us. Then she and her husband would stay there afterward.

She also booked a separate room for my husband and me the night of the wedding. That’s very nice. In another room for Dana and my mom. Okay. So she’s got two sisters, Dana and Rachel. Parents are divorced. okay. Rachel is the maid of honor they arrived with. Okay, got it. Got it, got it. Okay. We’re getting this, I feel like I’m always learning these new family trees and then I feel like you guys listening to the Bri all skit and you’re like, um, I don’t understand these connections.

I get it. It’s, it’s very confusing. Okay.

The plan was for Rachel to stay with me the night before the wedding while Dana stayed with my mom and family. The day before the wedding, Rachel and I were running all over the city, finishing last minute tasks. Everything was taking longer than expected. Meanwhile, my mom and Dana were at my aunt’s house about 45 minutes outside the city.

My mom insisted I pick them up later that night so we could all check the hotel later. As the day ran late, I asked her to find another ride since we were already behind. She refused.

Wow. I, there’s something that drives me so crazy about people running late for someone else’s event, like, can you not get it together for one day? Especially a mom like you need to get your shit together. Oh my gosh. So at 11:00 PM I was driving 45 minutes out of the city to pick them up. Sorry. Uh, why is that the bride’s problem?

Oh my gosh, that is wild. Okay. Loading all of my mom’s bags into the car, trying not to ruin my freshly done nails. And then driving back, we finally get to the hotel around midnight and That’s when I found out Rachel had actually booked the only suite for herself and her husband in a regular room for me.

Oh my gosh. No, that’s, oh, no. It’s so disappointing. Okay. At that point, I was too exhausted to even react. I went to bed the next morning, I went to check into my room and started to get ready and was told I didn’t have one. Apparently my reservation had been made at their sister hotel 20 minutes outside the city.

How did her sister mess it up though? Because when you’re on making a reservation, you’re on the one site, so unless she added this room later, you could just say, add a second room, and then it’s all billed together. Apparently my reservation had been made at their sister hotel, 20 minutes outside the city.

While I was trying to fix the situation at the front desk, Dana walked up mid-conversation and interrupted me and said, I thought you were taking me to the store to get a Pepsi. What? I looked over at her and said, you’re older than me. I think you can handle crossing the street to get that one.

Eventually the hotel sorted it out, and I finally got a room. Oh my gosh. I went upstairs and started getting ready, trying to relax. Then it started raining for my outdoor wedding. I ignored it, hoping it would pass while I was doing my makeup. I pulled out a new lipstick I had just bought. Dana walked in and said she loved it and tried to use it.

“It’s About the Mother”

I literally had to take it back from her and explain that. No, I will not be sharing my lipstick on my wedding day. Oh my gosh. Once I was fully dressed, I walked into the room where my mom was expecting at least some kind of reaction. Instead, she looked at me and said, you know, weddings are really about the mother of the bride.

What? This is actually my day. I can’t believe when people say this is, did this really happen? Dude, no. They’re really about the mother of the bride. How full of yourself can you be? I looked straight at her and said, no, it’s not. She just laughed and walked away. Thankfully, the rain stopped and we headed to the Boston Common, but when we arrived, another couple had started setting up a wedding in our exact spot.

Guests Taking It Too Far 

My husband showed them our permit, and even though they admitted they didn’t have one. They just asked for a few minutes. 30 minutes later, we were finally able to start the ceremony. When it came time for photos, I started noticing everything else. My father-in-law showed up wearing navy sweatpants in a stained sweatshirt.

Can we now get it together for one day? People are late. You’re showing up like in your holy, like old Holy, I guess shouldn’t say it was holy, but stained sweatshirt. Come on. One of my husband’s friends brought a random date he just met earlier. What, despite not being given a plus one, and she was very clearly not dressed for the occasion, someone else brought their 11 month old baby to our child free wedding, which upset my cousin who had followed the rules and left her kids at home.

That’s the thing too, that really sucks when you have a child free wedding and someone breaks the rules and they’re either just like, allow them or they sneak in. Then the people who actually did, you know, try to get a babysitter. Follow the rules, you know, whatever that looks like. That’s disappointing to them.

’cause they’re like, well, this person was able to do it. So follow the rules. don’t be an a-hole at the reception. My mother-in-law began hovering around the waitstaff, grabbing food of trays off as soon as she, as soon as they came out, okay. At one point, she literally reached between two guests to take their last appetizer before one of them could grab it.

Oh my gosh. Then started stashing the food away instead of eating it. We eventually had to tell her to stop. Then my father-in-law looked at me and said, nice dress. See what a little makeup can do for you. Gross. Okay. This father-in-law is gross. Why is he making comments about like, You have to change your last name or just not get married.

You have to do like, he’s so gross to me. One of my husband’s friends overheard and added, yeah, a nice dress. It looked even better on the floor while nudging me and laughing. Ew. Immediately excused from the wedding. Which husband’s friend? Is he still friends with this person? ’cause that’s a red flag that would make me so incredibly uncomfortable.

Your husband should not be okay with him being your friend or with his friend being like that. Shortly after my cousin handed me her phone and said someone just wanted to talk to me. It was her daughters yelling at me for having a kid’s free wedding and calling me a horrible person. Okay, I get it. Now, you guys, sometimes you guys will be like, these stories sound fake.

This sounds so like wild. And I’m not. Of course, like someone sent this to me. I’m like, what? They’re gonna hand the phone to a bride and say like, you’re horrible. You didn’t invite us. Like, oh my gosh. At that point, I was completely drained. After the reception, we changed and went out to the bar near Fenway.

It was supposed to be the night, just just friends. But my sister insisted on coming. My mom complained until I gave in once there, my sister refused to socialize because she didn’t know anyone, so I ended up sitting with her in a corner all night. Ugh, this makes me so sad for her watching. My husband and our friends actually enjoy themselves.

Eventually I had enough. We went back to the hotel and my husband completely exhausted and drunk, fell asleep almost instantly. The next day, we were supposed to leave for our honeymoon when we found out. The war in Afghanistan had just begun and our international flights were canceled. See, I in 2001, I was in sixth grade, so I don’t remember.

I mean, I remember like finding out about the planes hitting the towers and how terrible and tragic. I remember being terrified. I was in sixth grade, we saw it on tv. Right. So she doesn’t say what month this happens. and I don’t remember, the timeline for this, but I didn’t realize that like I mean, I guess I remember domestic flights getting canceled around nine 11, but wow.

International flights, that takes you back. Okay. At that point I just said, forget it. I rented a car and we drove out west to Utah and Colorado for two weeks. Instead, I turned my phone off the entire time. That was smart. Honestly, I think I enjoyed being away from our families for more, more than the actual honeymoon.

Well, at least you kind of realized at the end of the day like what meant most to you, and at least you guys had that great honeymoon together. But that does suck when there’s so many different angles and people trying to pull away from your day. Weird, weird comments from people. I really hope you’re not friends with that one guy anymore, or the husband’s not.

 I could never be around that person again. and the father-in-law, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t know how you’ll deal with that and what did you end up doing with your last name, I’m guessing, hoping you still hyphenated and don’t let him, convince you otherwise. but it’s really wild.

You know, people comment to comment sometimes, like, well, you’re only getting one person’s perspective. How do you know it’s a hundred percent true? And the honest, I mean, honest to God fact is I, I don’t know. I can never know. People send me stories all the time. We have like 600 plus right now that we are, we sift through every single week.

and you know, we don’t know. Plus, like when something happens to you, you’re gonna view it differently. Even if you’re in the same room as someone, you’re gonna view things differently, tones of voice, how people are standing, like your memory is just gonna hold differently. And so when we’re only getting it from one perspective, of course some things are gonna be like, you know, a little more dramatized or you’re gonna add in extra characters that maybe someone else didn’t notice.

Um. At the end of the day, we’re all entertained, right? Um, and I think we can only take them as, you know, entertainment or lessons for future events or parties or weddings we’re at. Um, don’t be, these people don’t act that way. Just support people. you know, you don’t have to spend hundreds and hundreds on a new dress, but make sure it’s not like stain don’t, like wasn’t something you slept in.

Uh, it’s wild. It’s wild that some of these things have to be said out loud, but, you know, teach their own, I guess. All right. Let’s get into some confessions today. We’ve got a lot going on today, so I should probably get off and get some skits filmed or something. Actually, I have to pack, I, this wallpaper has to go away.

Goodbye wallpaper and they don’t make it anymore. So I can’t, I don’t know. We’ll see what we do at the new place. Alright. I was kicked out of the group family photo as the bride because family only, you know what? I’ve heard of this happening a lot and this is again, one of those things with your relationship and mutual respect because my own wedding, my husband took a picture with his family.

We obviously took one with all of us, but he took one with his immediate family. And I’m not offended by that at all. ‘ cause I feel like that’s important. that’s totally fine. But it was something deliberately where I was like, pushed out of it and were like, oh, we need one without her. But they did those photos separately when I was like, not even out yet.

but again, I would never be offended though if like they were like, oh, we want a picture with just our kids. Yeah, those are your kids and you should have a different relationship with them than me. Um, right after having my son at the next wedding, the mother son dance had me bawling. I couldthose kind of moments hit way differently.

Even just seeing my husband dance with my daughter now I’m like sobbing. I’m like, oh my gosh, I can’t, especially this week. Uh uh. Yeah, those moments just hit differently. I think once you have kids, seeing my friends get married, happy for them. But wish I got married too. Oh, I mean, if that’s something you want, hopefully it happens for you.

 I know people don’t always want that kind of like advice, you know. Hopefully your time will come. Um, you know, nothing’s a guarantee, but I think like if you are out there looking for it, your time will come. And, I hear that a lot from, I’ve seen that a lot from people too. It’s hard when it seems like all your friends are married and you’re the only one not married.

I was the last of my friends to get married and I was just excited to support them at that time. And I knew, you know, my time would come eventually.

so for these confessions, I totally forgot to say this, it’s a moment you cried privately at your or someone else’s wedding. I was postpartum and cried at the mother Sundance because I visualized my future. Okay. There’s another one. When I signed the last time with my birth name. Oh wow. I still feel weird.

I’ve been married four years and I still feel weird signing my new last name. I still call it my new last name. I remember saying it to someone and she was like, oh, did you just get married? And I’m like, no, it’s been years and I still like, it’s so weird to me. Like I forget all the time a friend’s wedding with all the people from our squad, except one guy, my fiance.

Okay. Um, my friend looked, my first look with my dad told me it was too late to change anything now, and I do. Your dad said it was too late to change anything now. Oh. Like in a good way. Like, okay, we’re here. Like, just enjoy the day on the cake cutting. When my husband smashed cake all over my face, I cried during cleanup.

Immediate divorce. Immediate divorce. No, it’s not cool to smash cake on your. Partner space. It’s just not, I don’t care. It’s just not. All right guys. That’s all I have for this week. Thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for letting me be vulnerable. I can’t believe I cried on this episode. hopefully that doesn’t happen again.

Hopefully you guys wanna still visit me next week. but yeah, let’s going on. Hopefully I don’t drive myself crazy. And thanks for being here. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

The Shawnaverse, Dealing with Grief, and and In-Law Chaos with Shawna Lander

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

At what point does “family drama” stop being drama and start being a full-blown red flag?

This episode starts with laughs, storytelling, and Shawna Lander breaking down how she turned real-life motherhood chaos into characters people can’t get enough of. From playing every role to saying the things most moms don’t, she shares what it’s really like behind the scenes, and why those stories hit reality.

Until this week’s submission starts into spirals. What starts as wedding tension turns into manipulation, crossed boundaries, and in-laws who keep pushing further every time you think it can’t get worse. The kind of behavior that makes you stop mid-story and think “this isn’t normal.”

Hear the full story, the warning signs, and what happens when boundaries get pushed too far.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Stepmom Meltdown – What starts as wedding planning quickly turns tense when a stepmom’s reaction sets the tone for everything that follows.
  • The Dress Disaster – A forgotten wedding dress adds chaos to an already emotionally charged situation.
  • Control Disguised as Care – In-laws use guilt, money, and pressure to try to control the couple’s decisions.
  • Crossing the Line – In-Law refuses breastfeeding and fed the baby against the mother’s wishes becomes a major breaking point.
  • False Accusations – Lies about cheating and relapse show just how far the manipulation goes.
  • The Breaking Point – A shocking escalation pushes the situation from toxic to truly alarming.
  • Choosing Your Partner – The husband finally recognizes the pattern and takes a stand.
  • A Full Circle Ending – The couple rebuilds their life on their terms, with stronger boundaries in place.
  • Red Light, Green Light Reality Check – From “just ignore them” to overstepping in-laws, Christa and Shawna call out what’s acceptable, and what’s an immediate ‘no’.
  • Real Life Into Characters – Shawna shares how creating characters became a way to tell honest stories about motherhood while still keeping parts of her life private.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “Dynamics just get magnified with children.” – Shawna Lander
  • “It’s in the sharing of our stories that we learn” – Shawna Lander
  • “If he’s not standing up for you, he’s not putting you first.” – Shawna Lander
  • “You can understand where it’s coming from, but that doesn’t make it okay”– Shawna Lander
  • “I want to make things that help people feel seen and validated” – Shawna Lander
  • “The journey is what makes the process even better.” – Christa Innis
  • “ If you really want to move forward in your marriage, you have to make a choice.” – Christa Innis
  • “So many things just come down to mutual respect.” – Christa Innis
  • “ The beauty with entertainment and creation is being able to connect with people” – Christa Innis
  • “Lesson of the day: Just invite the people you wanted.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Shawna Lander

Shawna Lander is a creator and storyteller known for bringing relatable, and often chaotic, family dynamics to life through her viral name, Shawna the Mom. By playing multiple characters herself, she explores the realities of motherhood, relationships, and family reality in a way that feels both entertaining and uncomfortably real.

Shawna shares how becoming a mom shifted her creative path, why she started telling the stories she felt were missing online, and how her work is rooted in helping people feel seen, validated, and understood through storytelling.

Her content says the quiet parts out loud, using characters and humor, but always rooted in something real.

Follow Shawna Lander:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Shawna. 

Shawna Lander: Hi Christa. 

Christa Innis: Hi. How’s it 

Shawna Lander: going? 

Christa Innis: Good. I’m so happy to talk to you. I, I was just saying for recording, I feel like you are the number one person that I feel like people request to come on the podcast. People just love you. 

Shawna Lander: That’s Oh, that’s so sweet. I can’t believe that people, I don’t know, wanna hear my opinion on this kinda stuff.

Fun. 

Christa Innis: No. Yeah. I mean, I just, I feel like you’ve just started such a, um. An amazing art on social media, and of course we’ll get into, you know, everything that you do. But starting off, can you just tell everybody a little bit about you and we’ll kind of just go from there. I mean, I know it’s probably a funny question ’cause you’re like, where do I start?

Shawna Lander: I know, right? Yeah. Um, and this, it’s so funny because I am on social media, but I’m not really on social media. I put characters on social media and so Yeah, I understand the question. Um, okay, so I’m a mom of two and an actress and a writer, and I never know what else you wanna know about me. I’m researching genealogy right now for my family’s lineage.

Christa Innis: Oh, I love that. No, I, 

Shawna Lander: oh my gosh. I know I’ve gotten so into it. 

Christa Innis: I feel like it’s, it’s interesting because for one of my skits, I just like tried drawing a family tree and I’m like, I don’t, I’m totally butchering this. I don’t know how genealogy and all that is supposed to work. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. It’s the craziest thing I’ve found, uh, ancestors going back, like, um, I think it’s three great, great greats now, uh, but like on both sides of my family and I’m like, oh, my family’s been all over the country, all over the US and, um, originally from like, not the US at all.

And so I’m like, oh my God, we’re immigrants. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Very fun. 

Christa Innis: I love that. It’s so interesting to like learn about your heritage and like where your family lived and I love that stuff. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Um, but it’s interesting you say like, people know me, but not really me because of all the characters you play. And what do you think, like starting off, like what do you think is like kinda led you that direction?

Like when you, I know you’re sitting, you’re an actress, you’ve kind of always. Been in the area of content creation. So for you, I think that’s really interesting because I feel that too sometimes. Like I kind of like, and I don’t wanna put words in your mouth, but sometimes I’m able to like hide behind characters in a way.

Shawna Lander: Oh, totally. 

Christa Innis: I don’t like sharing personal things on social media. So is that kind of where you are with it or how does that kind of tie in you think? 

Shawna Lander: I mean, it already, it always started for me as um, a creative outlet because I’m an actor and so I wanted to act. I had a baby so I couldn’t go to set. Um, and then also I had a baby and I looked down at this beautiful, perfect little creature and I was like, well, this is nothing like I ever expected it to be.

Uh, why aren’t we telling the real story of how this goes? And, uh, so world’s combined. And I was like, I can actually tell these kinds of stories. And so that’s how I got started doing skits on social media. It kind of ticked a lot of boxes for me. I got to act, I got to actually talk about what this is really like.

Um, becoming a mom and, well, I guess those are the only two boxes, but checked to both. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. But I feel like the relationship dynamic too, in all your skits is so interesting and I think people learn so much better and like understand or relate through storytelling so much better than just like you coming on the screen and being like, Hey, this is motherhood.

It’s more like you’re able to see like, oh, this, I went through this thing and you so, um, beautifully down on paper for me. 

Shawna Lander: Hmm. Yeah. Um, I think that’s true. I think that if you listen to like marginalized folks, they always say, you know, representation matters. And I think that the story of motherhood, um, and really relationships kind of from.

The point of view of a woman who’s going through this transition. It’s not really something that’s been explored a whole lot, or at least not something that I’ve really seen. And so that’s really, uh, has been my impetus. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. So I know I’m kind of, 

Shawna Lander: you answer your previous question and yes, I absolutely, uh, get to hide, but that’s kind of the nature of acting.

I mean, I got into it because of acting, not necessarily because I wanted to be on social media, but 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: You know? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. But I think that’s the beauty of social media too, is that you can create your own verse, your own universe, your own Oh my god, universe, and Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: It’s phenomenal. Yeah, exactly. 

Christa Innis: And especially when you talk about with being a mom like that, what, what a beauty to be able to like do it in your own flexibility, your own space.

Yeah. Create these own characters. And you are, you’re the producer, the actor, the writer. Mm-hmm. So for anyone that doesn’t know because I kind of jumping the gun, ’cause I’m, I’m like geeking out. I’m so excited. But for anyone that hasn’t fallen down the Shawna verse how, like rabbit hole, how can you explain it to them?

Like how did it kind of get started and what’s this world that you’ve created online? 

Shawna Lander: Oh man. Well, I, it started out as standalone skits about becoming a mother, about mom life. Um, and it. Included a couple of characters here and there, recurring people, like a husband character. Uh, eventually there was a mother-in-law character.

And then from the reaction to these characters, people started asking for more types of characters. So I ended up with a sister-in-law character who was kind of terrible. Um, that was by request. And then when I had like a sort of a, a terrible matriarch and a terrible sister-in-law, I then needed a wonderful matriarch.

And so that’s how the, uh, the, the main mom, the Shawna character’s mother was born. Um, and then once I had kind of several characters that would recur, uh, it got, it became really interesting me to me to think about what would these characters do in like a long form storyline and particularly the sister-in-law character who was always really horrible to Shawna, the mom character.

Um. What would happen to that terrible sister-in-law character if she got pregnant and endured the transformation required to become a mother. And so that’s how the story, that’s how the storyline was born. 

Motherhood, Creativity, and Real Stories

Christa Innis: I love that. I love how you have kind of the antagonist and protagonist kind of showing different relationships of like how they work through different stages.

Um, and especially like tying in the motherhood aspect of like being a new mom versus maybe like a mom from like the previous generation, how they parent. Yeah. So what do you think like your biggest challenges have been with like demonstrating something from like, thought to onscreen? 

Shawna Lander: Uh, fantastic question.

Um, I don’t know how to answer that. 

Christa Innis: That’s okay. Kind of just like, can you, I mean, I. Can I say it like, I saw your episode about the miscarriage and I was just so blown away with how you represented that so beautifully. I mean, I was just like, I was like, what an amazing like world we’re living in where someone can put this art on screen and just make us feel collectively together.

So I wanna applaud you for that, but I mean, I had to be like very challenging to kind of think of how are people reacting to this? What’s an emotion people might have? Um, so that was one that, like, when I was writing this question, I was like, that’s something that like came to mind for me. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. Uh, I wanted to represent grief with that storyline.

Um, it’s just about the worst thing that could happen to anyone is to, um, have the possibility of a baby or want a baby, you know, have a child, and then to lose your child. Worst thing that anyone could go through. Uh, I went through breast cancer and, um, so going through treatment and stuff, you know, I faced mortality.

There’s a lot of grief involved in that. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Shawna Lander: Um, and so, you know, I’ve had grief in my own life. I’ve touched grief, I’ve been touched by grief. Um, and when you’re going through something that it that huge, it, um, it like changes you fundamentally, I feel like I’m changed on a cellular level because of some things that I’ve gone through.

And I think it’s no different losing a child like that. Um, and at the same time, it’s something that’s not talked about a whole lot and, um, uh, something that is really challenging in the US right now. Um, and yeah. And so I just, I wanted to represent. All the women that have, have been through it. And this, the entirety of everything that I’ve done on social media has always been, um, because when I had my baby, I felt like I haven’t seen anything that is representing how I’m feeling, what I’m going through right now.

Mm-hmm. Um, and so I want to make things that help people feel seen and feel validated. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Cancer and Starting Over

Shawna Lander: And so I talk about family dynamics, I talk about, um, you know, maybe the just stuff I haven’t seen talked about enough. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it’s like the beauty with like entertainment and creation is being able to connect with people or see things that maybe you, um, had, had never seen before, but you experienced it for yourself and you’re like, how do I deal with these feelings?

Um, 

Shawna Lander: yeah. 

Christa Innis: So you talk about being diagnosed with breast cancer, and I think I read it was like 2021. And so you started making content before. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: And then content after. So how do you think you as, I mean, I’m sure this is a very loaded question, so feel free to answer how you want, but how do you think that affected you before versus after in motherhood and your storytelling?

Um, ’cause I know you also shared about your journey with breast cancer on social media as well. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, it was, um, uh, really kind of a, a beautiful thing to like experience witness firsthand, I guess experience. But, um, I, I, I, it’s sort of strange. I’m sort of divorced in my mind from that time period in my life.

And so it does sort of thing seem like it’s something that I witnessed rather than something I went through, which I probably need to unpack, but one step at a time. Um, so I started with content making, making skits about being a mom. Uh, and I had just had my second, I had been doing content for a while, but nothing gained any traction until I got on TikTok.

Okay. Um, and when I got on TikTok, I saw. Other people making skits, talking to themselves. Mm-hmm. Everything I had done up to that point, I put my husband, my real life husband in the skits and it took forever. And, uh, it’s way harder to coordinate two people’s schedules. Um, especially ’cause he was the, the breadwinner.

And so he was at work, I was at home, I had tons of free time, uh, to think up all these stories and, you know, write them down. And he didn’t have that time. Uh, so I got on TikTok and I was like, what? I could just do it all myself. Okay. And so that’s how that began. And I just started making a little skit a day.

Um, just this personal challenge. Can I do one every single day? Just these one-off little stories. And I found that I could. Um, and they got, they were received well, people liked them. And then one day I couldn’t put a, a skid up because I had to go get a mammogram ’cause I had felt something. Mm. So I came online and I was like, ah, sorry.

No skit today. I have to go get a mammogram. And so then naturally people were like, update us. And uh, so then the diagnosis came, uh, not too, not too long after. And I was like, oh, well, okay, so it is, it is cancer. Uh, that sucks. And, um, everyone was incredibly supportive. They had liked what I had done skit wise, and they felt seen and supported by that work.

And so people came out in droves to be like, we support you. And it was like the most touching thing, um, that could have ever happened at that, that point in time. Uh, because my personal life people, family and friends around me didn’t handle it quite as well and were not quite as supportive. And, uh, so it was like I had this.

This, I don’t know, worldwide community of people like lifting me up. And it was instrumental, like it really got me through it. Um, and then fun fact about going through cancer treatment, um, coming out of the other, the other end of it, you have all this, this drive and will to live when you’re going through treatment and then you get out of treatment and you’re like, yes.

And then nothing happens and everything just sort of is dead air. And so you, you get this, this feeling of like, oh my God, what now? And what did I fight so hard for? Because it’s just this place of sta stagnancy. So I had a little identity crisis. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Shawna Lander: I’m, it was actually a very big one, but I threw myself back into posting, so I reposted all my old skits and that gave me time because you’re also really, really tired and like really recovering after going through five months of chemo, um, and surgery.

And so that gave me, reposting. All my old skids gave me time to sort of like, get my brain around how do I write these stories again and how do I make these again? And then, uh, it was very shortly after that that I started the storyline. 

Christa Innis: Wow. 

Shawna Lander: That was a long answer. 

Christa Innis: No, that was so beautifully said though, because I feel like people want to hear the journey and I feel like the journey is what makes.

The process even better, right? It’s like, I feel like so many times focus on the finish line, but the journey is like, what makes it matter? If that makes sense. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. It’s been quite a journey. Um, I think I probably my next move is to, like I said a minute ago, to unpack all of that. So I probably will start unpacking it online.

Yeah. Everything else is been online, so it might as well, 

Christa Innis: right? Yeah, because I feel like you are probably just like, let’s get to this next thing. And you’re probably just, it’s almost like that. Uh, what do they say? Like, uh, when you’re, you’re chasing, you’re, if you’re chasing the next thing, you kind of like, don’t necessarily process what happened here, like the past.

Um, ’cause I mean, I noticed Yeah. Which I think for, 

Shawna Lander: what were you gonna say? 

Christa Innis: No, you, I’m sorry. You go ahead. 

Shawna Lander: Which I think for me is necessary. Uh, or at least in that moment, like I really couldn’t process it. I had to. I had, I needed a focus, um, to be able to sort of let the emotionality of all of it kind of be, um, I had to, I had, and I needed a focus.

So this has been incredibly helpful for me personally. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: And I wrote a book. 

Christa Innis: Yes. I was gonna ask you about that. Like what’s, what’s next for you? What are you working on? I know you are writing a book and this is more of your personal story. Yeah. This is separate from Shawna verse, this is the real Shawna story.

Correct? 

Shawna Lander: Yes. Yeah. Um, that’s another thing. When I started skits, people were like, this lady’s miserable. She does, is complain. Um, but I never was talking about my personal life. I was like, this, these are just the kinds of things moms go through. And so this is, um, the story of what it was like for me to.

Decide I want a baby, then get pregnant, then go through pregnancy, then have a, this is the story of me becoming a mom and therefore finding my artistic voice and starting on social media. 

Christa Innis: I love that. So how did you decide, like as you’re like doing the writing process, how did you decide what things you wanted to include?

What things you wanted to exclude? 

Shawna Lander: Hmm. Um, I think just when I reflected back on the time period, it was just the big things that happened, and so I just kind of wrote them in chronological order. Um, and I, when, you know, when you have a baby, you, it’s sort of, um, time isn’t really linear. And so once the baby comes in, the storyline, it kind of goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth because ugh, that’s what it’s like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Memories are weird. I was just, my daughter turned three this week and literally like the night before her birthday, my husband and I were just like, after she went to bed, my husband and I were just like. A mess. Like I’m just like, oh 

Shawna Lander: yeah, 

Christa Innis: oh my gosh. Like, and it kind of like kinda what we’re just talking about.

It was like when you’re kind of moving, like to get through this day, get through this lesson, this, you know, whatever, motherhood, all of a sudden you’re like, where’d the last year ago? What did, 

Shawna Lander: yeah. 

Christa Innis: And it’s wild because we’re so, we’re so, like as parents, I feel like getting through this task or this task, okay, nap time.

Okay, bedtime, you know, all these things. And you’re like, wait, did I soak it in enough? Was I, you know, it’s just like all those like questions of motherhood, 

Shawna Lander: torture yourself and then it’s the end of the night you put the baby down and then you’re like looking through the photos from the day. 

Christa Innis: Yes. So I feel like one of the most wild things of like, and I heard it obviously, like when I was pregnant or before I had my daughter.

Yeah. People would talk about how like, oh yeah, you get them down to bed and then you miss them. And I was like, what? Literally I’d be staring at her monitor. I’m like, oh, she’s so cute. Oh, is 

Shawna Lander: she? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And then I’m like, 

Shawna Lander: we 

Christa Innis: just 

Shawna Lander: please don’t wake up. 

Christa Innis: I know. It’s like you focus so long on getting them to bed and then they go to bed and you’re like, oh, I miss them.

Oh, look how cute. She’s when she sleeps. And then I’m like, it’s an hour. And I’m like, okay, I should probably go to bed myself. But, um, I love that. So when, when do you plan on releasing your book or what’s like kind of that process looking like for you? 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, so I, uh, don’t know anything about having, writing a book and being out there.

So, um, it releases the release date’s October 20th and there’s a marketing team and, uh, we’re gonna like market it and maybe I’m gonna do a tour. I don’t really know. 

Christa Innis: Okay. 

Shawna Lander: Don’t ask me these kinds of questions. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: I don’t 

Christa Innis: dunno. You’re like, I dunno. Yeah, you’re in the process right now. No, I love that. I think that’s amazing.

So with outside of writing the book, working on this series, which I’m sure that takes up most of your time, what’s kinda your process for the series? Like, do you always know what’s gonna happen? Do you have it all like written out? Are you kind of like, Ooh, this would be good? I’m gonna throw this in there.

Shawna Lander: Yeah, no, it’s both. I outline it so it’s outlined through the year, um, wow. Year and I did this in past year. Yeah. Yeah. It’s, uh, you know, this is like, these are the big beats of what’s gonna happen in the story. Yeah. So Shawna losing the baby last year, that was planned in January. Um, and then so, so there this year we’ve got the things that are planned, but there’s always room for.

Uh, something that comes to me and it’s the most fun in the writing process when I’m sitting there writing the scene when something surprises me when a character says something and I’m like, shut up. So I get to live it in the writing process. Um, yeah, and it it, so the It’s both the answer’s both. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. And you, you’re so like, I feel like you’re so organized with your, your right. Like you, I dunno if this is the right word, but com I feel like you compartmentalize everything a little bit better because I’m like, I do the skit stuff, but I’m so all over the place and I’m in the first, I’m like, let’s see what happens today.

I like do some like, but I feel like you do a great job of like writing it out and you’re like, okay, today’s like a filming day and I’m filming this character. 

Shawna Lander: Oh, yeah. 

Christa Innis: And your outfit changes. It’s so well done. So for anyone that hasn’t watched, like you get in the Shawna verse, I mean, I’m just always so mess rise.

I’m like, how am I watching? One person on screen, but you do each person so well individually. It’s, it’s amazing. 

Shawna Lander: Thank you. You’re, um, you’re making me blush I love your stuff too. So, uh, where do you get inspiration? Where do you get your storylines? 

Christa Innis: It’s wild. I mean, so I went to school for writing and so I’ve always like created story.

Oh. And yeah, so like, but I kind of lost it in the mix because when I graduated from college, I went into marketing and social media right away. And so I kind of stopped creating for myself and I was working with other brands. I would create social media and it was my maternity leave where ah, I literally that magical time, 

Shawna Lander: I’m telling you like, have a baby, you become your most creative self.

It’s insane. 

Christa Innis: It’s wild. I know. I remember talking to a mom friend when I was pregnant and she owns a business, um, like a design business and. I was like, how do you get stuff done? She’s like, I’m telling you, something happens. She’s like, 

Shawna Lander: yeah, 

Christa Innis: my son naps. And I’m just like, I only have an hour. Let me see what I can get done.

And 

Shawna Lander: yeah. 

Christa Innis: Kind of thing happened, but, and I think I was so used to like working a lot, not necessarily a workaholic, but before my daughter was born, I was like the person, I would stay late in the office, I’d be working at night on my phone, and so. During maternity leave. I was like, when she’s like napping on me, I was like, what am I gonna do?

And then like started. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, because your brain is going, you can’t move but your brain. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so like, it kind of started with like, I was in a ton of weddings in my like twenties and early thirties that I was like, I would always hear wedding drama stories and like I would see things and I would see how like crazy some family members could be.

And so I was like, so I kind of started with like a crazy like little skit with like just two people. Never did like a long storyline, but then people just wanted more. And so 

Shawna Lander: people want it, people want the drama. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And so like that kind of like you kind of said like throwing yourself into this new verse and like creating these characters that kind of brought back the spark of like, yes, I love creating, I love writing.

So yeah. Gotta thank the TikTok. 

Shawna Lander: Cool. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Thank you. Social media, you know, that we’re able to, to create, we have a place to put it. 

Christa Innis: I know I always think about when I see people on here creating these stories or you know, whether no matter what kind of content they create, it’s like so much opportunity out there that I feel like was not there before.

Because it’s like if you don’t have a direct contact with like Hollywood or this like that never would’ve happened. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, yeah. I agree. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, so it’s amazing. 

Shawna Lander: And that really was like the traditional route. When I got started, I really thought, oh, I’ll put some skits on the internet. Maybe someone will see them and they’ll be like, you know, by the time I’m ready to get back to set when the kid’s a toddler or something, um, somebody I, you know, somebody will see my stuff and they’ll be like, you, obviously you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Shawna Lander: I really thought that’s the way it would go. I did not think the audience would come to me. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because now you have full creative control and you can make Yeah. It as unhinged or as serious. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. It’s, 

Christa Innis: yeah. 

Shawna Lander: No, no barriers. 

Christa Innis: People are always like, because I have a wild character Kate in my storylines, and they’re like, oh, I would love to see Kate and Barb go at it.

’cause like is like the wild Did 

Shawna Lander: do that, that would be so fun. We could figure out a way to do that. 

Christa Innis: That’d be so fun. I know. ’cause I always see like, I see like Barb and I’m like, oh yeah, we’ve got that same kind like idea of like that, that mother-in-law character. But um, yeah, it’s funny. What’s the most like 

Shawna Lander: in the world?

I feel, I feel for her, you know, she’s having a hard time, but she does indeed exist in the world and make things hard for others. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. And like you think all these like stories, like they, you’re like, especially like when I like create stuff, I’m like, oh, this is like so wild. No one would actually do this.

Yeah. And then I, people comment and they’re like, my mother-in-law did this or my cousin did this, my uncle, you know, it happened. Yeah. It’s wild. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. A hundred percent happened. 

Christa Innis: People are not What’s the most, um, unhinged thing you think Barb has done before in your story? 

Shawna Lander: Oh lord. Um, hold on, let me think back.

Um, I mean, it’s pretty unhinged of her to try and beat up Deedee. Mm-hmm. She tried to beat up Shawna’s mom. 

Christa Innis: I remember 

Shawna Lander: that. Um, that, that was pretty unhinged. It. She ruined Jen’s proposal. That was terrible on Christmas. Oh, so she ruined Christmas and the proposal. That was awful. Um, yeah, those are, those are those two things.

Christa Innis: Those are big 

Shawna Lander: ones. Those pretty good. She showed up at the elementary school. That was pretty bad too. She’s Oh, 

Christa Innis: that one. 

Shawna Lander: Cool. What about Katie, 

Christa Innis: Kate? She, um, oh gosh. Is it 

Shawna Lander: Kate? 

Christa Innis: Kate. 

Shawna Lander: Kate. Okay. 

Christa Innis: So she, the series started off as, um, boyfriend’s mom. She tries to show up at proposal, so, oh, that way ended up turning into your, 

Shawna Lander: that’s such a barb.

What a barb thing to do. What 

Christa Innis: a Kate. So, yeah, so she, when he said, Hey, I want a surprise, I wanna surprise Sloan, my girlfriend, um, and Santa Monica to propose. She goes, let’s make it a family vacation. And she like, wants to show up. Um, and she ends up, um, trying to plan a whole family vacation. So he goes a week early so she can’t show up.

Oh. But then there’s like many things where she tries showing up at the bachelorette party, but she’s just constantly rude to slo his girlfriend or now fiance. So yeah, it’s like any kind of wild thing you can think of, she’s, 

Shawna Lander: yeah. See family dynamics fascinate me to no end because she’s only wigging out like this.

No. In her family she doesn’t. Uh, and she’s trying to, she’s trying to like insert herself so that she’s not left out. She’s not forgotten. You know what I mean? Like, I get, I get what’s going on in that brain, but that’s crazy unhinged behavior. 

Christa Innis: Yes. It’s that like controlling of like, um, you don’t want your son, you don’t wanna be left behind like they don’t want.

Exactly. Son. Yeah. So you can see where it comes from, but then yeah, I can 

Shawna Lander: totally know where it comes from. 

Christa Innis: Cody. Yeah. I can see Cody where they can’t actually see like, I’m damaging this relationship. I’m not actually Exactly. Making him want to be closer to me. I’m pushing him. Yeah. Making, 

Shawna Lander: yeah. It’s, they forget that, um, you know, this is, this isn’t an autonomous person, you know, they, they only identify with them as like, um, how it pertains to them.

Like, this is, this is my son, not, this is. A person, and I may be overstepping a line here, 

Christa Innis: right? It’s the, the en mesh enmeshment, the, yeah. A limb of theirs almost. 

Shawna Lander: Yes. 

The Red Flags: Red Light and Green Light

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh. I love it. Yeah. Barb, Barb and Kate, keeping us on our toes. Awesome. Okay, so let’s get, before we get into this week story submission, I like to do a little like red light, green light thing, um, where I’ll read like a sentence and you just tell me if it’s a red light or green light.

I think most will be pretty, it’s kind of on like, 

Shawna Lander: like good to go or like, don’t do that. 

Christa Innis: Yes. 

Shawna Lander: So red light stop, green light. Okay. Got it. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Let’s do it 

Christa Innis: kind of related to like weddings or family dynamics. Okay. In-laws showing up unannounced at to your house. 

Shawna Lander: Red light 

Christa Innis: parents commenting on how to raise your kids 

Shawna Lander: red light.

Christa Innis: Someone saying, I 

Shawna Lander: guess it depends on your relationship, but Go Red light. 

Christa Innis: I know. I feel like so many things depend on like mutual respect. Yeah. Like if you have a good relationship and they’re like helpful. I think it’s different. Um, someone’s saying, I’m just being honest before criticizing you, 

Shawna Lander: red light 

Christa Innis: is my all be red lights.

Um, a partner saying just ignore them when there’s family drama. 

Shawna Lander: Red light, 

Christa Innis: a partner. 

Shawna Lander: Oh, see, I’m, I’m like, hmm, I’m getting mad. Wanting to explain. Listen. 

Christa Innis: Because the number of stories I get too, where they’re like, the fiances no where to be seen in this story. And it’s like the woman or whoever the main person is having to deal with the mother-in-law.

And there’s I 

Shawna Lander: love that. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And there’s no one helping them. It’s just like, oh, just ignore her. This is her. Listen. 

Shawna Lander: That is his family. Oh my God. If he’s not standing up for you, walk away. That’s terrible. 

Christa Innis: Then you’re having to deal with that the rest of your marriage. If he 

Shawna Lander: doesn’t, he’ll never stand up for you.

If it’s in early stages and he’s not standing up for you with his family, he is not putting you first, my darling. And then that’s just gonna get worse. Especially with children. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Dynamics just get magnified with children. Go on. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Go on. 

Shawna Lander: Yes. 

Christa Innis: Um, posting about family drama online? 

Shawna Lander: Well, I mean, I do it not my own family.

Christa Innis: Put their. 

Shawna Lander: I would say real family drama is a, a red light, fake family drama is a green. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. It’s funny ’cause when I first started doing skits, I dunno if you get these comments from people that maybe like haven’t seen your stuff before, but when I first started it, a woman would comment and be like, how dare you air your dirty laundry online?

This is so shameful to your family. And I was like, this is not my trauma. 

Shawna Lander: Yes. I get those. I still to this day get those questions and people now going like, what is this? Is this her real life? Like this is why I wrote the book. No, no, this is not my real life. Let me tell you my real life, which I’m now starting to regret.

Anyway, cut that part out. Just kidding by the book. My publisher’s gonna be so mad at me. I’m like, why was I so honest? 

Christa Innis: I know. Well, it’s hard. It’s hard ’cause like, you know, people. I don’t know. I feel like especially too, when you’re used to like sharing characters, but people wanna see that side of you too because they like, like I said, they love you and they love your characters.

So like it’s exciting to get a story that they haven’t necessarily gotten the full story of, you know, they’ve gotten maybe like sneak bit. So yeah. 

Shawna Lander: That’s fun. It was exciting for me ’cause it’s like a new creative outlet. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: A new way to be creative. 

Christa Innis: Do you enjoy, sorry, I’m kind of like going back, but like, do you enjoy, I know you write with Shawna verse, but 

Shawna Lander: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Do you enjoy the writing or the acting more? 

Shawna Lander: Oh my gosh, I know. Yeah. Um, so it was always acting, always, always, always my whole entire life. And then, uh, at some point I looked up in my twenties, I was writing. All throughout my twenties, I wrote like short films and I wrote feature length films. Um, I used to, I wrote stories as a kid.

My very first short film ever I made, when I was like 13, I wrote it and made my friend act in it with me. We gave her leukemia. So this is, I’m true to this. I knew to this. Um, but yeah. But I never knew I was a writer. I just, no one else was writing it, so I wrote it. Mm-hmm. And then one day I looked up and I was like, these are kind of good.

Wait a minute. I kind of like writing these stories. So I think it’s both. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that it works so well together. Thanks. 

Shawna Lander: Oh, hold on. Wait, sorry. Going back. You are a writer. So do you have, do you wanna do a book? Do you wanna like challenge yourself in that way? So, 

Christa Innis: yeah. So I did a book about, um, I came out with my first book last year.

About Ferris and Sloan. 

Shawna Lander: Oh my God. Oh my God, that’s genius. 

Christa Innis: So yeah. What’s 

Shawna Lander: called, what do I not know this? 

Christa Innis: It’s called, here Comes The Drama. Do 

Shawna Lander: you talk? 

Christa Innis: That’s 

Shawna Lander: amazing. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, so it came out last June and I’m currently writing book number two based on season two. So 

Shawna Lander: Ban. Fantastic. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. So it’s fun. 

Shawna Lander: Is it like, um, what genre would you say?

Christa Innis: It’s like a romantic comedy? 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, 

Christa Innis: yeah. Um, or romantic dramedy is the more like, I guess official. 

Shawna Lander: That is so fun. I am going to go pick this up. 

Christa Innis: Yay. Oh my gosh. It’s a fun, like, quick read and I kind of say it’s like a sitcom mixed with a soap opera. 

Shawna Lander: Oh 

Christa Innis: my 

Shawna Lander: God. 

Christa Innis: Because that’s why I grew up watching. Yeah.

Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Um, 

Christa Innis: did 

Shawna Lander: you do an audio book for it? 

Christa Innis: I did, but I, I had a voice actor do it because 

Shawna Lander: I Oh, you didn’t wanna do it yourself? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, I was kind of. I dunno if I should. Well, yeah, it’s whatever. I was kind of talked out of it. I didn’t really want, but I didn’t 

Shawna Lander: Oh, terrible. 

Christa Innis: Not in a bad way. 

Shawna Lander: Okay. 

Christa Innis: Like what I was like, what’s the protocol for this?

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: And I was also, I’m also very insecure with my like, reading voice. I don’t know. Oh my God. Criticize me. 

Shawna Lander: You are so cute, darling. Girl. My, my love. No, no, no, no, no. We wanna hear it in your do it over, do it in your voice. The people will love it. This is what the people want. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. We’re, we’re working on, well this still, maybe I’ll take, cut this part out, but we’re working on, I’m writing BART two and we wanna, we wanna do, um, book one and two published traditionally now because I did the first one self-published.

So now a literary agent is like, 

Shawna Lander: oh my god. 

Christa Innis: That’s really because you have the sales to prove it. So like, people 

Shawna Lander: want 

Christa Innis: this, 

Shawna Lander: you know. When behind the scenes everything’s sort of in place because I will totally promo it for you. This is fun. Oh, 

Christa Innis: thank you. Yes, I’m excited. 

Shawna Lander: And then you should do the audio book and insist you redo the first one and do ’em both.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s because 

Shawna Lander: like, I think, I think, 

Christa Innis: I don’t know how to do like character voices. I like, even when I act, I just do like throw ’em in there. So I don’t know. I feel like for like an audio book or not an audio book, an audiobiography, it makes more sense or like a biography, but like, I don’t know.

Yeah, I did the author’s note. So the author’s note is in my voice and then I did like a little thing at the end where I talk about it. Yeah. But um, 

Shawna Lander: I’m sure it’s good. 

Christa Innis: I’m sure it’s good. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: There’s more talking about 

Christa Innis: Yeah, lot of people like to, and, and they let me like listen to multiple people and I gotta pick.

Um, and so I was very involved in the process and so, um, but. Do you see 

Shawna Lander: yourself more as the writer than the performer then? 

Christa Innis: Yes. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, 

Christa Innis: yeah, yeah. That’s where like I, oh, 

Shawna Lander: okay. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. So, yeah, 

Shawna Lander: I take it all. 

Christa Innis: I know I kind of worried that wrong, but they were, they were awesome to work with, and they were just like, you can do it.

She’s like, she was like, you just have to like find a studio. And I was like, I think I’d rather hear a voice actor, because I’m not a voice actor, but I’ve heard mixed, like, most people really like the person that did it. And then ours are like, I wish I heard your voice because I’m so used to hearing you in the skit.

But 

Shawna Lander: yeah. 

Christa Innis: But yeah, no, it was fun because I was able to like, um, kind of go where the skit went, but then I added so much extra dimension and background to the characters. 

Shawna Lander: Oh, that’s 

Christa Innis: so 

Shawna Lander: fun. 

Christa Innis: But yeah, and make it like way more unhinged because like, there’s certain things like I, and you probably can relate, but there’s certain things where you’re like, how do I, how do I show this as one person?

Like if this happens or this, or like, you know, so I’m like, okay, I’m gonna, I can do more like. A little more in the writing. I feel like sometimes. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, 

Christa Innis: yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Thanks for asking me that. Like, 

Shawna Lander: oh yeah, absolutely. 

The Wedding Weekend Mess

Christa Innis: I was like, um, all right, let’s get into this week’s story submission. So these are stories that followers sent.

Um, I’ve not read it yet, so we’re gonna react together. 

Shawna Lander: Okay. Exciting. 

Christa Innis: There you go. Okay. My husband and I got engaged in November. We had intentionally gotten pregnant, partly because we’d only been dating for a short time and knew our families might not understand our decision to marry so quickly. Oh, okay.

So they’re saying bef, 

Shawna Lander: oh, but read it again. So they got engaged. 

Christa Innis: They got engaged in November. We intentionally got pregnant, partly because we’d only been dating a short time, and our families might not understand our decision to marry so quickly. 

Shawna Lander: Okay. So like 

Christa Innis: they, they kinda like backwards. They’re like, let’s get pregnant.

So the family accepts. We’re getting married? 

Shawna Lander: Yes. Okay. 

Christa Innis: Okay. Uh, we are still together now. 11 years later. Okay. That worked out. 

Shawna Lander: Good job. 

Christa Innis: Good job. We were very excited. After calling my parents, we called his dad and stepmom to tell them the news. We explained that we were planning to either get married at the courthouse or elope in Vegas that same month because he was in the Marine Corps.

Um, and we were about to be separated. His stepmom, no joke, cried, screamed and threw a full meltdown. She said his brother and sister-in-law had left them out of their wedding and that they would be deeply hurt if we did the same to them. So to keep the peace, we agreed to wait a month and get married in the state where they lived in December, around Christmas.

Oh my gosh. I always feel like whenever. Whenever someone’s like, and we agreed. That’s like in the famous last words, because then you’re like, you’re on their boat now. 

Shawna Lander: Okay. 

Christa Innis: Oh, okay. When we arrived, things immediately felt tense. His stepmom is extremely loud and woke us up early one morning talking loudly in the house.

When she saw me awake, she said, wow, you’re up. I replied calmly. Yeah, I heard you wake up in my family. That kind of comment is playfully teasing and meant to and meant affectionately. She immediately started screaming at me. I apologized and tried to explain, but she wouldn’t let up, and I ended up crying.

The wedding was the next day. That afternoon we were getting our nails done, so I pushed my feelings down and tried to move on the next day. I got ready quietly with no drama, but I was completely alone. None of my family was there, only his to make night. I don’t know. That’s why I’m like, why? Why? You know, that’s interesting.

To make matters worse, my husband had accidentally left my wedding dress back in California. Okay. He had flown. I know. I’m like, what street are you in? How, how can I get there? He had flown later than me and had a free checked back because he was in the Marines, so he had carefully packed my dress to 

Shawna Lander: him.

Oh. 

Christa Innis: Oh, no. Unfortunately it didn’t make it. Oh, no. I ended up buying a discounted dress from David’s Bridal which thankfully turned out beautifully. I got ready with his stepmom. See, I’d already be like, she doesn’t like me. I’m not getting ready with, 

Shawna Lander: I know. Shout out David Bridal, by the way. That’s the 

Christa Innis: clutch.

Yes. Coming in clutch. Really? But when I arrived at the venue, I was alone with only his family present. Again, where’s your family? It’s so sad. What I didn’t know until years later was that on the same day, his dad had told him it wasn’t too late to run and had desperately tried to convince him to leave.

Oh, he told me. He told him that I had tricked him into marriage by getting pregnant and lying about it, essentially forcing him into a shotgun wedding. 

Shawna Lander: Oh no. 

Christa Innis: It’s terrible. The truth is that getting married was entirely my husband’s idea. We had openly agreed that we wanted to try for a baby. The pregnancy was simply the explanation we used because we knew our families wouldn’t understand otherwise.

My husband told his dad that he wanted to marry me, and we went through with the wedding. Later, after our baby was born, we moved to the same state where his dad and stepmom lived. Why? Why 

Shawna Lander: don’t do that? Well, 

Christa Innis: the opposite direction. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. At first they dot 

Shawna Lander: the military. It was probably ’cause of the military.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Maybe it just like worked out with the, 

Shawna Lander: yeah. 

In-Laws Crossing Every Line

Christa Innis: Timing. At first they dotted on my, on the baby, my husband and me. But over time I started noticing that they equated money and gifts with love and expected to control all of us. Oh. Once I started standing up for myself, things changed. For example, when our daughter was four months old, they tried to feed her, feed her chocolate cake.

I told them no. Oh my gosh. Here, just eat this chocolate cake. Okay. They went behind my back and did it anyway. 

Shawna Lander: Oh. I would be, 

Christa Innis: Ugh. That is feeding a child something when the parents say no at any age, but especially that age where it can be very harmful. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. Oh my gosh. 

Christa Innis: Wild. 

Shawna Lander: Wild. 

Christa Innis: They’re not realizing how dangerous it could be for the baby that young, like they’re not even eating.

They’re starting to eat maybe some solid foods at that point. Right, and like, 

Shawna Lander: yeah, rice, rice cereal. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Terrible. 

Christa Innis: They also shamed me for breastfeeding because it made them uncomfortable. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, that’s just dumb. You’re just, that’s just stupid. That’s just stupid. 

Christa Innis: Like, come 

Shawna Lander: on. 

Christa Innis: I’m sorry. Why don’t you leave the room then if it makes you sound, oh 

Shawna Lander: yeah.

That’s kind of like consider the source, you know, like, duh. You can’t even be offended at by them by that, because that’s just so stupid. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Literally they assisted, insisted that for the formula was good enough after many more incidents where I refused to just bend to their, to their will, they escalated things.

They tried to convince my husband that I was cheating on him simply because I had male friends Who does that? Also they never think like forward, like what happens like after that? Like if they actually convince the husband. So you want him to be like divorced? Like 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: What is that? Like divorce. 

Shawna Lander: It’s not like she goes away.

Like they have to still manage the child together. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, they don’t think about how that’s gonna actually affect them and their relationship. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. It makes everything much more contentious. What? I can’t, I don’t even, I can’t fathom this 

Christa Innis: wild, even though those men had been our mutual friends for years, they also accuse me of relapsing and using drugs again.

I’m about to celebrate 11 years clean next month, 2025. I got sober in 2014 so I could build a life with my husband. Good on you. Yay. These accusations were made in 2018, so she was four years sober already. And they’re, they’re saying she relapsed. Like what a wild thing to say and like so incredibly hurtful.

Shawna Lander: Yeah, so hurtful. 

Christa Innis: They even told him they had driven by my workplace and that I wasn’t there. Why is that whole life mission to like, I 

Shawna Lander: dunno, it’s so weird. They do not like her. 

Christa Innis: No. That’s where you have to make those ties, like cut those ties. Like he has to be like, I’m choosing you and forget them because that’s just after, after one of those things alone, I feel like I’d be like, okay, I can’t.

Shawna Lander: Okay. Uh, go back to the be begin toward the beginning. They were at, they went to their house for the wedding weekend and she woke up early and was being loud. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. So the mother-in-law or the stepmom. 

Shawna Lander: Stepmom 

Christa Innis: was extremely loud. Woke us up early one morning talking loud in the house. She saw me awake. She said, wow, you’re up.

And I replied calmly and smiling. Yep. I heard you wake up kind of just being like, oh yeah, I heard you. And the stepmom was 

Shawna Lander: okay. So she was, that was like a sarcastic comment. She 

Christa Innis: was like, yeah, I think that was her being like, oh, you’re talking back to me or You’re not respecting me or something. 

Shawna Lander: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, so they even told him they driven by my workplace and that I wasn’t there despite the fact that I was absolutely there and my job required fingerprint login. So it was easy to prove 

Shawna Lander: she’s got an alibi. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Then things became truly disturbing. They tried convincing my husband to abduct our daughter.

Okay, this is wild. What They really don’t like her. 

Shawna Lander: After they really don’t like her. 

Christa Innis: I really hope after all this 

Shawna Lander: you need to move away. This is like getting into Snapped territory. Yes. Kind of scary. 

Christa Innis: Like how long do you keep someone like this around, like at the end, if they’re still in contact with them.

I’m, I, I don’t know. That’s, 

Shawna Lander: yeah, 

Christa Innis: that’s a lot. 

Shawna Lander: Do we give advice on this podcast? 

Christa Innis: Podcast? Yes, please. I feel like when people write in, they like, they know like there’s gonna be some kind of advice or a lot of times they tell me it’s therapeutic, typing it all out. ’cause they’re like, 

Shawna Lander: oh, that’s good 

Christa Innis: through my emotion.

Shawna Lander: Um, you’re fighting a service. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yes. 

Shawna Lander: That’s phenomenal. 

Christa Innis: Well, it could, it’s funny ’cause again, some of the, like the haters online, someone was like, all you do is spread drama, blah, blah blah. And then I was like, internalizing. I was like, am I like toxic? Like drama? And people were like, no. It’s like helpful ’cause I’m able to like, relate to people and like help me find out something that I went through or understand it.

’cause I don’t know. 

Shawna Lander: I, I a hundred percent believe that we, it’s in the sharing of our stories, you know, that we learn. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: That we grow. Yeah, 

Christa Innis: exactly. And find like a community to like connect with. Yeah. Um, they said they would buy him a car in their name and rent an apartment under their name with cash so we could disappear.

Oh my gosh. 

Shawna Lander: Wow. You would have 

Christa Innis: to cut someone off like this. God, I hope they cut them out. All of this was simply, 

Shawna Lander: are they talking about murder or ki or kidnapping the child? 

Christa Innis: Uh, well, I mean at first it seemed like just kidnap, just, just kidnapping. Um, first it seemed like they wanted the husband to take the daughter and they would go, but then when it says so we could disappear.

Shawna Lander: Yeah. That’s the part that I’m like, what do you mean disappear? 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Like, we disappeared because that’s scary. 

Christa Innis: That’s a weird sentence there. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Scary enough 

Christa Innis: that they’re 

Shawna Lander: trying to 

Christa Innis: take the child. His parents seems kind of scary. 

Shawna Lander: Oh. 

Christa Innis: All of this was simply because I refused to let them control me.

Eventually we fled with our daughter and moved back to California with the help of his mom, who he hadn’t spoken to in 10 years. 

Shawna Lander: Whoa. Oh, so he’s in contact with the dad. The dad’s unhinged 

Christa Innis: Uhhuh, 

Shawna Lander: seemingly. Yeah. And so he got into contact with his mom, Uhhuh, and she’s like, yeah, babe. I know. Come on. 

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Come along please. I, I will protect you. 

Shawna Lander: This is why. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s interesting. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Um, so no mention of like, like her family around this time either, so I’m curious. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. Maybe she doesn’t really have much family. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s what I’m kind of wondering. 

Shawna Lander: Or maybe the drug use was, has had her sort of isolated at the time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: That happens? 

Christa Innis: Well, it says we told our families. 

Shawna Lander: Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. We knew our families, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: Interesting. 

Christa Innis: Okay. But yeah, they’re just not mentioning 

Shawna Lander: story. Maybe that’ll come back around. Okay. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, okay, so it says, um, we were offered his childhood home by her, his mom, when his dad and stepmom found out, they called his brother and told him to burn any paperwork that had my husband’s name or security number on it, because we were supposedly planning to steal his identity and ruin his credit.

Shawna Lander: Oh my God. What? This is so much worse than anything I’ve ever written. This is awful. 

Christa Innis: These people literal to go outside and touch some grass and stop watching crime tv, like, 

Shawna Lander: this is really, really bad. This, this, oh my god. 

Christa Innis: Like what 

Shawna Lander: I like, I feel like I would walk out of this movie like that. Like that’s implausible.

This is crazier than anything I’ve ever heard. 

Christa Innis: No, this is like, I 

Shawna Lander: can’t believe people live these lives. I’m so sorry. That’s terrible. 

Christa Innis: I don’t know how you would like, I don’t know. I would be so paranoid, honestly, like people like this that are so unhinged, like you would hope they never found your new address in California.

Like, oh 

Shawna Lander: my god. 

Christa Innis: You know, I 

Shawna Lander: hope she wasn’t, I hope we’re not like putting fear into her, but this poor woman who this 

Christa Innis: at least, oh my 

Shawna Lander: God, 

Christa Innis: I think this was y years ago now, because she said they’re married 11. So I don’t know. I don’t know how af how soon after they got married that, that all this happened, but I’m hoping this was like that.

It was 

Shawna Lander: four years of sobriety by the time she, they were accusing her of, of, yes. And she said. 11 years sober, 11 years married. So she must have gotten, um, 

Christa Innis: she got clean, I think when they got married. Oh, yeah. She got sober in 2014 so they could rebuild a life together. 

Shawna Lander: Okay, so it’s been 12 years-ish.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Wow. His brother and sister-in-law called us immediately because they spoke with us daily and knew better. All after that. My husband completely cut his dad and stepmom off. Thank God I get so worried at these because as my sister, like, oh, we’re still in contact or limited. I’m like, someone like that, you have to snip.

Shawna Lander: That’s, that’s crazy. That’s unhinged. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. We ultimately decided not to move into that house. Since then, we’ve had two more beautiful children, bought a wonderful home, and both of us are now in school studying to become teachers. We both are maintaining 4.0 GPAs. Woo hoo. Yeah. Oh yeah. It’s worth noting that my husband didn’t speak to his mom for 10 years because of lies his dad told about her.

I was wondering. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. That sucks when that happens. It’s like if you have your own issues sure. But don’t bring your kids involved. ’cause like, uh, now he lost 10 years with his mom. That’s so sad. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. That’s really, really sad. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m glad they’re like reconnected. Mm-hmm. Um, it absolutely eat that 

Shawna Lander: end of that though.

There’s nothing you can do about it. You know, you can’t, like he’s lying like, you know, just as a he said, she said and 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Shawna Lander: People who are willing to do that and lie about the other party are so much better at it 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Shawna Lander: Than, than the person who’s a victim of it. And so it’s just like a terrible manipulation of the child.

It’s so sad. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Um. It absolutely eats at them now that she’s a bigger part of our lives, especially after his dad tried to tell him almost identical lies about me. Recently we had a vow renewal. His mom, my parents, and many of our friends and family attended at the church where I’m part of the leadership team.

So they got their new like 

Shawna Lander: That’s good. Yeah. I take it back. I like this movie. 

Christa Innis: Yes. It all has a happy ending. I’m, I’m so happy. Yay. His dad no longer has my husband’s phone number and has to go through me if he wants to pass along a message, I personally have forgiven them. Oh, that’s, that’s big. I don’t know.

I could, um, because I don’t like holding onto anger, but my husband hasn’t. Overall though all’s well, it ends well. We are happy, healthy, raising three wonderful children and living a life we love. 

Shawna Lander: Yay. Good job. Them. 

Christa Innis: I, I feel like they did a great job of tying it up with a bow at the end. ’cause sometimes we get these and it just ends and I’m like, that’s all they want.

And I like, we’ll reach out. Sometimes we be like, can you give us a follow up? Um, wow, that was a rollercoaster. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, that was a lot. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: We’ve been through some drama. I’m glad they came out the other end of it, but Oof. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: We need EMDR therapy after that. 

Christa Innis: Seriously, I feel like this is a good reminder that if you really want to move forward in your marriage, if there’s some kind of toxicity like that constantly pulling out, you have to make a choice.

Shawna Lander: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: If you wanna stick with your in-laws or you know, whoever that is, the toxic person. Then your marriage probably won’t work. I mean, not to be like, but you know, I just feel like so many times in these stories I see where it’s like the push and pull and or they’ll be fine and then all of a sudden they like do something and you’re like, do I forgive them?

But this is like all, this was unforgivable. Am I? 

Shawna Lander: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Like from the start. That’s incredible. Um, that is an example of a husband who does put you first. 

Christa Innis: Yes. 

Shawna Lander: Who does stand up to his family? Oh man. 

Christa Innis: He put all the pieces together. He is like, wait, dad’s not, wait a minute. He, he said the same thing about Mom.

Shawna Lander: I’ve heard these lies before. 

Christa Innis: Wait a minute. Yes. He’s going down that same, that same, uh, files of lies. Okay. Let’s pull this one out. 

Shawna Lander: That’s incredible. People just send you stories like this. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. That’s what started the podcast is ’cause when I would post like a skit, people would like message me or DM me or comment and they’d be like, can I send you my whole story?

And I was like, sure. Then I use it for a skit and then I was like, I’ll create a Google form so you guys can send me, you know, a bunch. 

Shawna Lander: Oh. And then I 

had 

Christa Innis: like hundreds upon hundreds of stories and I was like, I guess we’re making a podcast. Let’s share this story. Because I was like, I can’t act ’em all out, so let’s just do it.

Shawna Lander: Oh, that’s incredible. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Shawna Lander: People used to send me mother-in-law stories when I, whenever I would do barber skits before the, the big storyline began. 

Christa Innis: Oh wow. 

Shawna Lander: What you can do with something like that. It’s amazing. 

Christa Innis: Right. And like we were talking about too, it’s like it gives people a safe pa place to share.

Um, ’cause some, a story I read the other day. Was saying like she wanted to like share it, but she was like, I have family and friends on social media and I don’t really, I don’t know how they’ll retaliate or something. I’m like, you can send it to me. I will anonymously share it. I’ll change details. You know?

Um, so that makes it like kind of a safe place to like connect but not i’ll or, or see people’s opinions without you putting yourself out there necessarily. Yeah, 

Shawna Lander: absolutely. 

Christa Innis: Oh, 

Shawna Lander: I’m like, ugh, I feel like I need a drink after that. That was crazy. At least a cup of coffee. It’s like, that was a lot. Oh 

Christa Innis: my gosh.

It was a lot. All right. I always like to end these with reading a couple of confessions. People also send me confessions on Instagram. Okay. So here we go. This is, did you, this week we asked did you invite someone you lowkey didn’t want to at the wedding? Okay, sorry. Bless you. 

Shawna Lander: Do you need to reread it? 

Christa Innis: I mean, sure.

Yeah. Okay. So this week we asked, did you invite someone you lowkey didn’t want to invite to the wedding? No names, just the tea. Okay, here we go. This person said, not even invited. Just invited. He was a groomsman. Oh. And I have so many, so much more drama that won’t even fit here. Um, uh, send it to me. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah.

That should have been a dm. We need the whole story there. 

Christa Innis: We 

Shawna Lander: need 

Christa Innis: more. Yeah. These little convers uh, confession spots are so small. My cousin’s ex-boyfriend, they fought then broke up the next day. 

Shawna Lander: Oh no. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, let’s see. And al my alcoholic sister-in-law, she wore a hot pink dress, stopped hubs while he walked down the aisle to hug him.

Shawna Lander: Oh my God. 

Christa Innis: No, that’s not, 

Shawna Lander: did I? 

Christa Innis: I’m like, no, please don’t. 

Shawna Lander: No, no. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, let’s see. This says, oh gosh, this is a two part one. The significant other to a groomsman who was so upset. We didn’t invite her toddler. So then she did coke in the reception hall bathroom and nearly flashed my 93-year-old great aunt.

That is a mouthful. Whoa. 

Shawna Lander: Oh my. 

Christa Innis: All right. Well 

Shawna Lander: I’m mad at you, so I’m going to do coke. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Great. Okay, last one. This is, people really had some good answers here. Um, friends, girlfriend didn’t like any of us have a pick of her and a bridesmaid glaring at each other. Okay. 

Shawna Lander: Great. 

Christa Innis: Lesson of the day. Just invite people that you wanted to write.

Shawna Lander: Ah, say no, say no to that person. Nevermind. Don’t, don’t, don’t come. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. No, thank you. Well, thank you so much for coming on, Shawna. I’m like, I feel so like, grateful that you came on. It was so great talking with you. And I feel like I said this before coming up. I feel like I know you through all seeing your skits and just, you’re just such a great person and, um, I love chatting with you.

Shawna Lander: Thank you. This was so much fun. I’m so glad and I’m so glad that it worked out because this has been like months in the making. 

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I’m so glad. Like I said, people have always, always like, get shot of the mom. Um, 

Shawna Lander: I I’m so glad. I’m thrilled. This is so much fun. I’m glad to have been on. 

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well thank you.

So can you just remind everyone where they can find all your skits and then anything fun you’re working on? I mean, I know we got the Shawna-verse, but. 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, it’s Shawna, the mom. Um, Shawna is spelled SHA with WUNA, um, Shawna, the mom, and it’s on all the platforms. So TikTok, Instagram, I’m on YouTube, I’m on Facebook.

And what am I working on? Uh, I have a book coming out October 20th. And 

Christa Innis: do you have a title for the book yet, or is that to be revealed? I’m 

Shawna Lander: not allowed to say it yet. Yeah, 

Christa Innis: to, I love it. I love the mystery. 

Shawna Lander: And then, um, that’s, that’s kind of it for now. There’s more stuff Awesome. Coming. 

Christa Innis: There’s, I’m sure there’s always tons of stuff you’re working on.

Plus you’re a mama too. You’re a wife. That’s, you. Don’t you love when people are like, which I was gonna ask you about this earlier, like the pressures of like, get it out faster. I need to know what I need to know. Like 

Shawna Lander: how 

Christa Innis: do you like, deal with that? Like I’m, you’re like, I do also have a, have a life too.

And 

Shawna Lander: Yeah, I have, uh, just realized that I, I think I have to change up the way that I’m releasing the content, um, because. People are very eager for the next part to come out. Um, so I, yeah. On the back end here, I’m like, suddenly like, oh, hold on, I’ve gotta change. I, I need to make some adjustments because how do I, how do I make this happen faster or give myself more time in between something, something has to change because people yell at me a lot.

Christa Innis: Yes. And you gotta give yourself grace like 

Shawna Lander: that. I understand. It’s very exciting, fun, but oh my god. 

Christa Innis: Exciting. But like, you’re a human too. It’s like the constant reminder of like, we also deserve to like zen. Send out a little bit. Awesome. Well, thank you again. This was so fun hanging out with you. 

Shawna Lander: It was so fun. Thank you.

by Christa Innis

Guest List Wars, Boundary Battles, and Stepmom Sabotage with Ivette Bracken

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

She invited the EX… to the engagement party. No, seriously.

In this episode, I’m joined by one of my closest friends and my maid of honor, Ivette, and we dive into a “simple” guest list boundary that spirals fast into pressure, guilt-tripping, and family members who just won’t take no for an answer. We break down why weddings seem to bring out the most chaotic behavior and what it actually looks like to stay grounded when everyone has an opinion.

Plus, with Ivette’s perspective as a therapist, we get real about marriage, accountability, and why the real test isn’t the wedding, it’s how you show up for your partner when things get messy.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • Therapy Meets Wedding Drama – Ivette shares real insights on how couples grow when they stop blaming each other and start taking accountability.
  • The Guest List That Wouldn’t Die – One bride sets clear boundaries… and her family keeps pushing anyway.
  • “We’ll Pay for It” Pressure – When money becomes leverage—and why that’s not the real issue.
  • Boundary Setting 101 – Why couples need to align first before inviting outside opinions into big decisions.
  • Stepmom Sabotage Story – An engagement party turns shocking when the ex shows up… invited by the mother.
  • Emotional Manipulation Escalates – From guilt-tripping to rewriting reality, the drama goes way beyond the wedding.
  • Red Light, Green Light Moments – From social media oversharing to themed dress codes—what’s actually okay?
  • Real Talk on Marriage Foundations – Why choosing your partner (especially in hard moments) matters more than anything.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “You can’t have someone tell you how to make it work, they’re not in your marriage.” – Christa Innis
  • “You and your partner need to get on the same page first, then invite other people in.” – Christa Innis
  • “It’s not about the money, that’s not the problem. It’s about the boundary.” – Christa Innis
  • “If someone hates you and offers to host your party? Immediate no.” – Christa Innis
  • “Weddings bring in all these outside opinions and that’s where the drama starts.” – Christa Innis
  • “I’m not here to fix anything, I’m here to hold up a mirror.” – Ivette 
  • “When people stop pointing fingers and take ownership, that’s when change happens.” – Ivette  
  • “They’re not going to learn it until they’re ready.” – Ivette  
  • “That’s not really authentic, and you’ll look back and wonder why you did it.” – Ivette  
  • “I would feel so small knowing my mother-in-law invited my husband’s ex. That would kill me.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Ivette

Ivette is more than a returning guest, she’s part of Christa’s inner circle and stood by her side as matron of honor. As a mom, wife, and psychotherapist, she brings thoughtful perspective, emotional insight, and a little unfiltered honesty to the mic. 

She’s all about conversations that actually matter whether that’s relationships, boundaries, or the realities behind wedding dynamics. With her mix of warmth, humor, and real-life experience, Ivette isn’t afraid to say what others are thinking… and maybe give a little advice along the way.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no. I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw through my stepmother’s behavior. My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. Oh. She’s talking about the future wife. She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough. Ugh. Hi, Ivette. Welcome back on the pod.

Ivette Bracken: Thanks.

Christa Innis: I thought

Ivette Bracken: so. Happy to be here.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I thought it was time that you came back. I feel like it’s like once, uh, is this your fourth time now?

Ivette Bracken: I think so, yeah.

The Truth About Couples Therapy: It’s Not What You Think

Christa Innis: I think it’s like once a quarter. It’s just, yeah. Only right. That you come back on. Um, and, uh. Yeah, I mean, like what’s, what’s new since the last time?

It’s, it’s like what’s new for the audience versus what’s new since I saw you two days ago. So,

Ivette Bracken: um, well, we just moved, uh, into a new home, so that’s kind of exciting. But then also, um, just, you know, I, I think I told you last time, like I’ve gotten a new job and that’s exciting and I have a lot of clients.

So I’m a therapist and I get to work with little kids and adults and, and I’ve also been working with married couples now, and so that’s been fun. A little challenging, but yeah, exciting. Exciting for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s awesome. Do you feel like that’s like, kind of like been a new stage in your work now?

Like, like as you kind of started it was more individuals and now it’s more couples?

Ivette Bracken: Well, I would say I still focus on like kids, adolescents. Really. I think my heart is like teenagers, right? Like I just love working with teens.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Ivette Bracken: But, um, I was, you know, I was like, why not? Like, I love marriage and, and I think marriage is hard and beautiful and, and there’s so many great parts to it.

And so I thought it would be exciting to walk alongside with people. And so it hasn’t been easy, right? But then just remembering like, Hey, I’m. I am not the one that can kind of change things for these people. It’s really up to them. And if there is change at the end of the day, it’s because they want it.

So, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Ivette Bracken: it’s pretty cool. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: I love that. No, I feel like that’s good and I feel like people are always looking for that kind of. It’s like an outside perspective, but you make a good point about like, it has to come from within. Like you can’t have someone tell you like, you need to make this work and you do it this way because ultimately they’re not in the marriage.

Right. So what do you do when someone kind of going down on, we’re gonna turn down this road over here. Um, what do you do when someone like comes to you with like. Like marital issues or like, like how can you tell a couple’s really willing to like, work together? Or are you kinda like, like what’s like that next?

Ivette Bracken: Yeah,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Ivette Bracken: So really the way that I set it up is like, hey. People come to therapy, they come to couples counseling because they think it’s like, oh, you’re gonna fix everything. And I’m like, no, that, that is like so opposite from what I do. I’m like, really, this space, I’m kind of this, this person that’s, that gets to be here along the ride.

But really I’m, I’m kind of holding up a mirror and I’m, and I’m allowing, allowing each individual to reflect and see like, how do I show up for this other person? How do I show up in the relationship? And I think when I know that a couple is ready, right? They stop pointing fingers at the other person and they start taking ownership and responsibility for the choices that they’re making.

And so it is, it’s really hard when it know you’re trying to point out the patterns and you’re like, guys, like I see this happening over and over again, but it’s kind of like a toddler, right? If you’re like telling a toddler to like. Hey, don’t stand on the chair. You’re, you’re gonna fall. Like, don’t stand on the chair.

You’re gonna fall. And they just keep doing it. They’re like, I’m fine. I’m fine. And then finally they fall. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, well, they’ve like. Experience it. That’s they’re ready, like next time they’re gonna be like, okay, now I know not to do that because I’ve learned my lesson, but it’s, they’re not gonna know it until they’re ready for it.

If that, if that makes sense.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I was just saying that too. My husband Zach, um, the other day about like, you know, you always wanna like protect your kids and be like, don’t do that ’cause you’re gonna do, you’re gonna fall. But I’m like, half the things we tell her, I’m like, she has to do. Experience it through her own like lived experience to be like, wait, that’s not a good idea.

Obviously there’s some things like, we’re gonna be like, we’re gonna stop before it happens.

Ivette Bracken: Right?

Why Weddings Bring Out the Worst in People

Christa Innis: But there’s definitely those things. So I feel like that’s, that’s an interesting way to put it. It was like they have to be able to like walk that road and be like, oh, wait a second. Like, that’s not the way I wanna go.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah.

Christa Innis: So I feel like this is like, you’re, it’s an interesting thing to bring up, especially like in the podcast and like how we’re talking about like marriage and weddings and the drama and stuff. Because I feel like a lot of these issues that come up in these stories, like there is a lot of finger pointing, right?

And it’s like, of course the, I shouldn’t say like the drama that comes to me, it’s typically not about. The bride and group itself, the

Ivette Bracken: couple, right?

Christa Innis: It’s like not about the couple, it’s about all the exterior things that are bringing drama in. But you gotta think like with a wedding, a funeral movie, any kind of big moment in people’s lives bring on all these extra like stressors and conflicting relation or personalities.

And so I feel like that’s a lot of times the hardest part in a lot of these stories we read.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Um, kind of the outside opinions and then two, like if you wanted to present that to a couple, it’s like, okay, well then like how do you show up for your partner in this case?

Right? Like, how can you do that reflective work and like. Do you show up for them? Are you there to like say, oh no, this is now, this is my family now I need to tend to their needs and their feelings and their emotions because there kind of needs to be this. I wish, I wish people would have more conversations of like, Hey, mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever, extended family.

This is what our marriage is gonna look like. And these are, are the boundaries that we’ve established together. And I, I wish that was more of a norm. And not just with marriage, right? Like going into parenthood. Because what happens is like their opinions start to trickle in. Like all these things start to trickle in.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Ivette Bracken: And then you’re like really frustrated with. These people and you’re like, oh my gosh, I can’t, I can’t stand that. They’re always like giving their 2 cents when I don’t ask for it. But there was al, there was never that kind of like established boundary talk, right? That there was never this conversation.

And so I’m, I’m hoping that that’s kind of the direction that we’re gonna move, especially like our generation experience experiencing this firsthand and being like. Well, I wanna be that person for when my kids get married, but like, I wanna ask my daughter and their, and her husband, like, hey, like what is okay and what’s not okay.

Right. Like, when is it okay for me to, to give advice? And so, yeah. Yeah. Another little tangent. Tangent.

Christa Innis: No, I love that though, because I, that really lines into like the things we see because, I mean, like, boundaries I feel like are so important. And then when people send, you know, stories to me about like.

We’re planning our wedding and like we’ve been so happy. We’re so excited, but. His mom or her sister, or you know, whatever, whoever’s coming in, they say, we need to do it this way, we need to do that. And so I always constantly say like, you and your partner need to get on the same page first, then invite other people in when you want and for what you want.

So not just like, Hey everyone, we’re having a wedding day. Tell us whatever opinion you have. Or, Hey, we’re about to have a baby. Tell us your favorite opinion. Um, it’s like, this is what we’re doing. Oh, hey, I actually have a question about this. What’s your experience? Um, because I think, I think it’s, so maybe it’s like the previous generation was like all they really had was their moms coming in or their parents coming in saying, this is what you do, this is how you raise a baby.

’cause that’s what we did, because now we’re learning, okay, let’s kind of have a little safe zone and like with our family, our partner, um, and learn what makes sense for our family first, and then kind of invite that in.

Ivette Bracken: Right. Right. And I love that. I love that for, for a lot of different reasons. So,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like I kind of went on a little, um, tangent too, but I love that.

Ivette Bracken: Okay.

Christa Innis: so, so I wanted to start with like a little like wedding dilemma that someone sent me. I say a little, it’s, it’s. It’s medium sized. Okay. Um, and then we’ll have our red light, green light. So let’s get into this. Okay. For context, I’m an only child, the oldest cousin and the oldest granddaughter.

Because of that, a lot of people have given us unsolicited suggestions about the wedding. Perfect tie in right here.

Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah.

Guest List Drama: The Battle of “Sister Jane”

Christa Innis: I’m getting married in September and we sent out final RSVPs and invitations a little over a month ago. From the beginning, I made it clear to my family that we were only inviting people we know and have a relationship with.

My aunt Gina mentioned that someone from her church, sister Jane, would definitely come. I told her that I don’t personally know this person and we are only inviting people that we have a relationship with. She said, okay, I understand. Fast forward to August. We’ve had several difficult conversations and have been very firm with our boundaries, so Good.

Good on them. Good

Ivette Bracken: for them. Yeah,

Christa Innis: that’s, I feel like that’s the hardest part, is just like reaffirming, like this is what we’re doing.

Ivette Bracken: Right.

Christa Innis: Then I went to church and saw someone who had an RSVP. She’s over 80, so I wasn’t upset. I asked if she would still like to come. She said yes and was very excited.

Right after that, my Aunt Gina turns to her and says, oh, is brother so-and-so coming right in front of me. I quickly stepped in and clarified that. Only she was invited. Then change the subject to ask what she wanted to eat. After that, I made a clear statement to my Aunt Gina, my parents, the woman and the other person from church.

I said that only the people present there that day were invited to the wedding. My Aunt Gina immediately made a face, turned to my dad. My dad said, don’t worry, we’re going to talk to her later. My dad pulled me aside and told me that Jane is a kind, caring person. I told him, I’m sure that’s true, but I still don’t have a relationship with relationship.

Then he said, we’ll give you the money. Implying that they would cover the cost if we invited her. I told him I needed to talk to my fiance. I hate this. ’cause now this, this woman, like she’s got these strong boundaries, but they’re like poking. They’re like, come on, she’s kind. We’ll pay for her. And I hear people are like, oh, we’re not having kids at the wedding or we’re not inviting, extended.

Mm-hmm. They’re like, well, we’ll pay for it. It’s like, that’s not the problem.

Ivette Bracken: Right. I think I, yeah, I think the fact that they’re like the, the tricky part is like we’ll pay for it. I’m trying to put myself in those shoes and I can be such a people pleaser, so I’d be like, you, well, yeah, you’re paying for it.

I guess it’s fine. And it would kind of like give me that excuse to like bring it up to my person. Right. But at the end of the day, it’s like. This is a very intimate moment, right? Like this is supposed to be where everyone has like a different, you know, kind of vision for their wedding. Mm-hmm. But really it’s like this beautiful moment of like two people becoming one and this random lady who’s just like, wants to go there.

I don’t what, like what would her. Like, does she even want to go like,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Ivette Bracken: like I’m thinking about her, like she’s probably like, oh, they invited me and now I have to go buy a present and like, I don’t even know her. Or, right. Like what’s, I mean, I think about that person too and I’m like, do they even really wanna go?

Or is it just like, you know, mom and dad, it’s like, oh, well this is our friend and we want them to be there, but I don’t think that does anything for the, in. Not invited slash invited person. Yeah. And the bride in your room, right? Like

Christa Innis: Totally. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I think the same way. ’cause I’m like, why are you like going to bat for this person who maybe doesn’t even know the wedding’s happening or doesn’t care, like if they’re invited or not?

Like I’ve seen that time and time again where they’re like, no, this person has to be invited.

Ivette Bracken: Right.

Christa Innis: I, yeah, I don’t know if it like has to do with like appearances too. Like they wanna make sure like mm-hmm. Inviting people from the church when you invite all our main people from church, you know? ’cause

Ivette Bracken: Yeah,

Christa Innis: that can be uncomfortable to be like, oh, well my daughter’s only inviting you and you because she knows you.

So sorry. But yeah, that’s one of those challenges,

Ivette Bracken: right? You think people would be more understanding, but.

Christa Innis: Yeah. She said, my fiance and I discussed it and decided we were not inviting Jane. I told my parents over dinner, they were upset, but they tried to understand. My dad said he would talk to Jane. Okay.

So I’m guessing Jane knows. So she’s like, she wanted to

Ivette Bracken: go. She wanted,

Christa Innis: oh my gosh. Then my Aunt Gina texted me and apologized just when I thought everything was resolved. She sent another message. Asking if I would serve as a security guard at my cousin’s wedding if she asked me to. What?

Ivette Bracken: Oh no, the timing of it is terrible.

Like,

Christa Innis: yeah, she’s like, yeah. So I know there’s this wedding stuff with your wedding, but can you come over here please? Um, she said I was very confused and told her I didn’t understand what she meant. I showed the text to my dad. He asked if I might be, if it might be because my cousins are greeters. I said maybe he suggested that she might think my cousins should have higher ranking roles than just attending as guests, but I said they were fine just being greeters.

So she’s trying to be like, you can have a role at this wedding if. You know, they can have a role, right?

Ivette Bracken: Be a security guard. You can stand outside during the ceremony and then, you know, give, give them a role too.

Christa Innis: So wild how people envision other people’s weddings and how they should do things, right. Um.

I, I hope this is a reminder to me that like when and if my daughter chooses to marry that, I’m like, tell me where you need me. Like, like that’s how my mom was, my mother-in-law, like I’m very lucky. They were both like, you tell me where you need me. I can do this, I can do this. Like, they never like crossed a boundary.

So I’m like very grateful for that because I read stories like this and I’m like, how do you even respond to someone that’s like, okay, so this person will be your flower girl. This person will be this.

Ivette Bracken: Right. Or like those like monster in law stories, which I’m sure you get a bunch of like,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Ivette Bracken: that’s, that’s my nightmare.

But, but yeah, I, I agree. Ugh.

Christa Innis: Um, he then said she might just be trying to find things to be upset about because she’s uncomfortable that Jane isn’t invited. This is Jane. A few days later, my mom brought up Sister Jane again, even though we had already talked everything through. She said Jane wanted to attend to support my dad and show appreciation.

I responded that if her intention is to support my dad, she can do that without attending my wedding. My mom finally agreed. My dad said he would speak to Jane and would support my fiance and my decision 100%. So all this to say, Jane is still not coming, but I still don’t know what to do with my cousins, if they will, if they will be greeters or not.

Ivette Bracken: So basically they weren’t assigned the role of graders prior to this.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Right. Okay. The aunt’s kind of being like, Hey, do you wanna be this at this wedding? Um, yeah,

Ivette Bracken: yeah. I, that’s another no, like, do what you envision. ’cause later on what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna look back and say like, why did I even do that?

You know, like, sure. If, if they offer you and you wanna be a security guard. Sure. Right, if that’s what you wanna do for them. But that doesn’t necessarily mean like, hey, I guess now I have to have them be a part of my, my wedding. ’cause one that’s not really authentic. And then two, you’re gonna look back at pictures and be like, why did I do that?

You know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that’s like with um, wedding parties too. I feel like you hear a lot of times they’re like, well, I was in their wedding so they should be in mine. And I’ve heard that all the time. ’cause it’s like you feel like you kind of owe them. Mm-hmm. At the end of the day though too, it’s like it’s a big ask to have someone in your wedding too.

Like they’re gonna be spending money taking time off work or whatever that looks like. So you, at the end of the day, you really just have to ask for. Look at your partner and be like, what do we want? Um, kinda like what I was just saying, but it sounds like they have really good boundaries. So I mean, like props to them for that.

Yeah. It, it sucks that it constantly is getting crossed and constantly getting tested. Right. But I’m glad you guys are staying firm because I don’t know what I would do if someone constantly kept pushing that same boundary like. You just, none of you can come. I don’t know, like why, and,

Ivette Bracken: and offered solutions to like the tension, right?

Like that’s kind of what makes it harder to be like No. Yeah. So yeah. Good for them.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Ivette Bracken: I don’t, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to to do that. I see this now, like, yeah, don’t do that. But I don’t know if I would’ve been able to do that. Yes.

Red Flags, Green Lights & Wedding Hot Takes

Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I’d be curious to see if it’s ever brought up again, or if on the wedding day they’re like, oh, sister Jane would’ve loved this, or, you know, picture to Jane.

Oh gosh. Okay. Um, let’s do a little red light, green light. I can’t remember if we did this last time when you were here or not, but it’s basically like, oh. Say a statement and you say if it’s like a good thing or a bad thing or like you, you agree with it. Okay. Hosting your entire wedding planning drama on social media.

Ivette Bracken: Oh, red light. No. No. Why?

Christa Innis: Can we talk about, have you seen like there has been so many on both sides of vendors and like brides or groomed. Posting like some kind of wedding drama and it backfiring because they weren’t telling the whole truth. Like there was one with a bride where she was like, my makeup was ruined.

She did that on TikTok. She wiped it off and she’s like, I’m doing it myself. The makeup artist like spoke and she is like, she never once told me she didn’t like anything. I had no clue. Like I’m mortified. And then there was a photographer that this happened to where she like tagged the photographer and she was like, oh, she did a horrible job on my photos.

And all she did was share just blurry photos. But the photographer was like, that’s like part of her aesthetic. Like it didn’t, you looked at the whole album, it looked beautiful. Right. So I’m team like. Don’t do that because it’s gonna, it’s gonna backfire. Like it’s just, yeah.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I mean, AMAs, that’s like your line of work and you’re like, these, what is it?

The real, the Housewives of Mormon, whatever, you know, the Mormon wives,

Christa Innis: the Housewives of Mormon wives, wives of Mormon wives.

Ivette Bracken: So unless your life is to like produce drama and entertain, entertain people, don’t do it. Yeah. Like, don’t do it.

Christa Innis: How about, yeah, don’t post about it, but send it to me anonymously and we’ll react to it on the podcast and then give on, yeah.

This way you’re anonymous so you can see what side people are on because that, that is a helpful thing is like, ’cause then I’ll post a story and people will be like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. So then you’re anonymous, you’re safe, but we can kind of discuss.

Ivette Bracken: And then we will tell you like, are you crazy or not?

Like, who are right?

Christa Innis: Yes. Yes. Um, a parent trying to control the guest list because they’re helping pay,

Ivette Bracken: oh, red light. Red light. And again, I, it’s easier said than done, but like. That’s a gift. You don’t, you don’t get to give someone like a shirt and say, well you can, you have to wear it every Saturday. Like, no.

Right. So,

Christa Innis: and I always say it’s mutual respect because if someone that you mutual respect with the person and they want to help, then I’m like, yes, invite. Whoever you want to the wedding, right? It’s like, what if it’s someone that’s like, been rude to you and they’re just like dangling money by a string and they’re like, oh, let me help pay for it and invite Sister Jane, you know, whatever.

Then that’s a different situation. Um, couples asking guests to wear specific color palette,

Ivette Bracken: um, green light. You like that? I, I like to see it. Um, as a guest I would be like. I might be a little annoyed by it, but no, I love aesthetically like things that are beautiful and good looking, and I get it and

Christa Innis: I, I would love to go to like a themed wedding like that, or like a color palette.

I’ve never have. I think I personally would like it ’cause I get very overwhelmed with like, what’s the style, what’s this? And like I’ll have one dress, I’m like, is this too formal? Is this too dark of a color? And so I feel like I would love that. Um,

Ivette Bracken: I would, I think that’d be the pictures that are gonna look great for the bride in the groom, but also like, it’s just a color.

It’s not saying like, you have to buy the most fanciest stress, you know, at the most expensive store. It’s just a color.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Destination weddings that require three days of events.

Ivette Bracken: Um, you the require bit, that’s a lot to ask for. That’s, that’s a red light or Yeah, a red light, I think. I think like, Hey.

We’ve done this, we’ve planned these events out for these days. We’re gonna be there if you guys wanna come. You are welcome to come, but you can’t be offended if someone’s not gonna spend $3,000 for your wedding. Like, yeah. Did they even spend that on their own wedding, right? No. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Right. And I don’t like the whole like yeah, the required thing.

That’s okay. Um. And I don’t like the whole required thing, like you said.

Okay. I’m gonna do one more. Okay. Um, ooh, these are like really good. So I wanna do two more. Okay. One more. What are your thoughts on couples sharing a social media account? I,

Ivette Bracken: um, I’m indifferent. Sure. I don’t care. It’s.

Um, I, I’m torn red light because why do you need, why do you need to share an account on social media but green light? ’cause my hope is that people that do share it like don’t really. Care enough to like have an, I don’t know, to have like person, I don’t know how to explain it.

Christa Innis: I think it’s one of those things where it’s like if you really did choose together, like honestly, and you’re like, or maybe one of you guys don’t really care about social media and it’s like, let’s just do a family one or joint one order, because I’ve seen that before where it’s like a family one.

Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Where I have seen it. Be kind of questionable is where it’s a control thing where maybe one doesn’t trust the other. So they’re like, all the messages are coming through here. We’re only on one. You’re not allowed to have your own social media. So that’s where I’m like, okay, if they decide together, sure.

But like, whatever Doesn’t hurt me if you do that. But yeah,

Ivette Bracken: I, I agree with you. And I think that’s why I said green light, because I’ve actually seen the opposite of that, so that’s why I’m like, no. Yeah, it’s fine. Doable. Okay. Fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Alright. Um. Last. Okay, last one. Last one. We’re using last. We’re using a bridesmaid dress from another wedding.

Ivette Bracken: Fine freely. I don’t, I don’t. I don’t mind. It’s it.

Christa Innis: Please do.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Save money. If you love it. You look good in it. It feels good. Do it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I always tell people how you got your dress for my wedding. I think, wasn’t it like half off? So it was like 50 bucks I think.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah, it was like a whole thing with mine.

I don’t remember. I was, I was pregnant, I was trying to figure out my size. I didn’t like the dress. They sent me two wrong ones and then I ended up being like half off. And I,

Christa Innis: yeah, I was like, you’ve ordered, you ended up ordering it during like a sale or something and it like worked. The timing ended up working out.

But yeah, there was a lot of, it was a lot of back and forth ’cause we were like, I think I went over to bring your. Jacket and you were like, oh my gosh, the dress I ordered. ’cause you ordered your dress like right away, right? And you’re like, oh my gosh, so much has changed since then. Um, but yeah. But yeah, I’m like, I wouldn’t care as a bride, like please use a, a dress you already have if it works

Ivette Bracken: right.

The Stepmom Story That Sounds Fake… But Isn’t

Christa Innis: Let’s get into this week’s story reaction, which honestly I think the dilemma was longer than this. So I think we’re good on time. Okay. Um, hi. Long time fan. I figured I’d send this to you because I think it’s a pretty crazy story. My stepmother is well crazy, like over the top, wild, and extremely narcissistic.

No one is immune from her chaos. She has two sons. Her oldest is very devoted to her. He even bought her, bought a house 10 doors down from where she lived, so he could always wait. She bought, I know. I’m like, wait, no. He bought the house so that he could always be near to take care of her. So she’s like expecting that, I guess.

She and his father divorced when he was in high school, so he chose to attend a local college to make sure that she would still be taken care of.

Ivette Bracken: Oh, no.

Christa Innis: While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no. I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw through my stepmother’s behavior.

Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. Oh. She’s talking about the future wife. She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough. Ugh. Because she knows she’s not gonna get 100% of his attention anymore. That’s right. She strongly preferred his previous girlfriend and even stayed in touch with her for years.

I’m again, I’m probably just jumping the gun, but it’s probably because that one like bowed down to her and was like,

Ivette Bracken: yes, yes, absolutely. Really

Christa Innis: clean. I’m just here. It’s fine.

Ivette Bracken: Ugh.

Christa Innis: When the couple got engaged, my stepmother volunteered to host their engagement party and she invited the ex.

Ivette Bracken: I knew it. I knew that’s what was coming.

This the nerve. How dare you.

Christa Innis: Even more so. Obviously we don’t know yet. The girlfriend comes, ex-girlfriend. Why would you like go to that? I would be like, no, thank you. Like any normal person would be like, no.

Ivette Bracken: Like, do you not love your son? Like, don’t you want it to be a good experience for him? I can’t. I can’t.

My heart just sank. I just feel like all of my own insecurities came up for myself and like, yeah. I would feel so small, even just knowing that my mother-in-law invited my now husband’s ex to anything. Yeah, that would kill me.

Christa Innis: She now made it Her party. Yeah. The stepmother made it her party and made you just like a wall, like you’re basically just like a side there because you’re, she made it so you weren’t comfortable in her home, basically.

Terrible. Then the cake was brought out. Oh no. Oh no. I just read a hug. Then the cake was brought out. It had the ex-girlfriend’s name on it, not the fiance’s. So she is literally trying to sabotage their whole thing.

Ivette Bracken: Okay. I kind of, when you said cake, that’s what I thought, but I was like, there’s no way.

There’s no way. But

Christa Innis: are you kidding? That is wild. See, and also like, again, I am reading it like. As an outsider person, but the second I knew if someone I knew hated me, that hated me was offering to host my party immediately, no. Immediately, no. ’cause they don’t have your best interest. They are not gonna like, think about you and your partner, they’re gonna think about ways to like to sabotage you in the wedding.

Ivette Bracken: Yes.

Christa Innis: So I would be saying no to that. I’m not going to that party. There’s no way like.

Ivette Bracken: And at the same time, I wanna give this like the, the bride like this. Maybe she was kind of trying to be the bigger person and give her that benefit of the doubt and that, and it totally backfired. You know what I mean?

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: That’s horrible.

Christa Innis: Ugh. So I’m trying to remember. Okay. So, okay, so the, um, the person that wrote this story in, it’s her stepmother. Then it’s like her son. Okay,

Ivette Bracken: so she was there. She’s like,

Christa Innis: they’re seeing it like, yes. And so I’m guessing, well, maybe that’s why. So her dad is the one that divorced now, so she’s.

Single as the wedding approached, she repeatedly tried to convince her son not to marry this f his fiance. She threatened not to attend the wedding and even offered to pay for an entirely different wedding if he would change his mind. She pulled in anyone she could to try to persuade him otherwise. She even even telling him that his grandmother was distraught and hated the fiance.

Because when someone, someone goes low, if someone’s low like that, they wanna bring everyone down with them. They can’t stand to see people happy or the people’s like proud or on another side.

Ivette Bracken: No.

Christa Innis: The wedding eventually took place, though she was clearly upset about it. The newly married couple left for their honeymoon in Hawaii early the next morning.

That same day, the grandmother passed away in her sleep. She had a history of heart problems. My stepmother immediately began telling everyone that the grandmother died of a broken heart because, because her grandson had gone through with the marriage.

Ivette Bracken: Wait,

Christa Innis: a put that on your grand, like your son, right?

Ivette Bracken: This, this, who is this woman? Send me your details. Like, I can’t believe her. That is horrible. Like, oh no. Like

Christa Innis: she’s like dealing with something from the divorce or something where she’s like holding onto her kids and like thinking that what, what is that term of like enmeshment where she’s like, they are me, I am them.

And if they, sorry, that’s a therapist term. I’m not a therapist. I shouldn’t use that.

Ivette Bracken: I was the whole time. I’m thinking like, how would I even do a session with them? This is insane.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I feel like that she’s so caught up in, they belong to me, whatever I say they should be doing, and Oh, grandmother died because of you.

It’s your fault.

Ivette Bracken: Oh man.

Christa Innis: Wow. She even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency. Can you do that?

Ivette Bracken: This sounds, this sounds crazy. This sounds, are we sure this is real?

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I, okay. There’s been times where people send us stories and I’m like, did they like ai?

This, this sounds so fake to me, but then I’ll like share the story and people are like, no, this thing happened to me. Unless, this was like years ago. Oh wait, this was the early nineties. I just saw it. This was the early nineties. She wrote it. I’m like, I’m thinking of like friends, even though Me too.

Ivette Bracken: That’s exactly what I thought of.

Christa Innis: I guess they had cell phones at the end of friends, but in the early nineties, you know, you didn’t have cell phones, so you would’ve had to have called.

Ivette Bracken: Right.

Christa Innis: Emergency. I guess that’s how you had to do it.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Gosh. And because I was like, it’s funny, I was doing like a skit recently and I was like, it was supposed to be in the nineties, and I was like, wait, if a car accident happened, you wouldn’t have a cell phone.

So I’m like, Googling. I was like, what would’ve been there? And it was like, oh, there was more pay phones or like you could, you know, have like an emergency, like tow truck would come by, you know, whatever. And I was like, that’s, you know, you just kind of forget. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, I guess that makes more sense.

It’s still crazy, but it makes more sense that it was the nineties. Yeah,

Ivette Bracken: it’s still crazy. It does make more sense. Yeah.

Christa Innis: So you have no way of like calling or texting them. Um, she even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency and that he needed to call immediately.

’cause this was the early nineties when he called, she demanded that he come home because according to her, he had killed his grandmother. That’s how she worded it.

 The Real Issue: When Your Partner Doesn’t Choose You

Christa Innis: Years later when the younger son, who was her pride and joy of life was getting married for the second time, she caused more chaos. She told his fiance that she liked her so much more than his first wife because she thought the first wife was unattractive.

That and that it was no wonder he had cheated on her so many times. Okay, so the suns aren’t great either, or that sun.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah, no, I can see where they get it from.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The fiance did not know that infidelity had been the cause of the divorce. Okay,

Ivette Bracken: well

Christa Innis: that’s on him.

Ivette Bracken: That’s a whole nother issue.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Like he should have been honest with her about that. So yeah, you can be mad at the stepmom about that, but he should have told her that. Yeah. She then told the fiance that the entire family was secretly planning to leave the rehearsal dinner early so they could have a dinner with the first wife because they all liked her better.

This was not true. The rehearsal dinner ended in complete chaos. When the fiance left in distress, the wedding almost didn’t happen at all, and the son initially banned his mother from attending. Eventually, he relented and the wedding went ahead as planned. His wife now avoids interacting with his side of the family unless absolutely necessary.

So she botched not one, but two weddings.

Ivette Bracken: Right.

Christa Innis: And we don’t know what happened with that first wife’s wedding, if that

Ivette Bracken: Right. I just, I, I just, I feel for these women that like. You don’t really realize how much of an impact that makes. Like Yeah, like the, the wedding, that’s obviously, that’s horrible, but like long term you don’t have support, you don’t have like your village.

What happens when there’s kids like these poor, these poor girls, like I. Even just hearing this, I already said this, but I feel so small. Like I would not wanna feel that way on my wedding day. You know? I would want to feel accepted and, and I guess that makes them strong for, for being able to like, go through with this, right?

And being like, no, I love this person. And that just means that we’re gonna have to do our lives without them and have some boundaries. But, wow. Just,

Christa Innis: yeah. And you said something earlier that made me think about like. In these moments. That’s when the fiance, I think the partner, whoever has the challenging family at the time, right?

Mm-hmm. They really need to step up and be like, I choose you. I’m on your side. We’re in this together. Because if they are not in those challenging moments, that’s when it’s gonna falter. I think, and I’ve gotten a lot of stories where like I’m read as I’m reading it, I’m like, this seems like a bad Oman.

Like something. And then later they’re like, and we got divorced. We didn’t, we didn’t last. Because if you’re gonna constantly have someone like that. Where the fiance or the now the husband or wife hasn’t fully chosen you, right? And they’re still going back to like their family who like hates you or talks about you in this negative light.

That marriage is gonna just be crumbling because you’re gonna be like, well, do they actually care? Are they gonna listen to what their family say?

Ivette Bracken: Right?

Christa Innis: As a whole, I feel like other layer of like complications for sure.

Ivette Bracken: It’s just a bad, a bad foundation to start on really like,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Ivette Bracken: yeah,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Ivette Bracken: yeah. That’s hard.

Christa Innis: I feel like if you don’t, which again, I’ve never been in that situation where you have to pick and choose.

Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: But in that situation, especially, let’s say this, this story, the stepmother, or I guess it’s his mom, but if you don’t cut her out, she’s going to make sure your marriage fails. Oh yeah. So still you like make that firm cut.

Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: So you will constantly find a way to get in there. So you did make your choice and stick through it. I mean, this ha she didn’t mention anything about them staying married or anything like that, so, or not, so I don’t know how it worked out, but.

Ivette Bracken: Well, the good, good job for you girls, because I couldn’t have done it.

They did it good for them. And you know, I’m just like, hopefully they’re still together and hopefully those boundaries are up, right? Mm-hmm. Because that’s. Wow. I feel like this was like a, a nineties movie.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I’m like picturing like running through the airport and Yeah. Oh my gosh. That’s funny that we both thought of friends friends right away.

I like saw her like Should I get off the plane? Yeah, I plane. There’s a problem with the phang. Oh, that’s what it is. Phoebe calls, right?

Ivette Bracken: Oh yes.

Christa Innis: Phoebe calls the airport or she calls her phone ’cause she has cell phone. That has to be in like 2000. Was that 2001?

Ivette Bracken: I think the show started 2002. I wanna say

Christa Innis: ended in 2002.

Ivette Bracken: Sorry. It ended in 2000? No, 2004. I think it ended because I think it started in 94.

Christa Innis: That’s

Ivette Bracken: what are you googling?

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’m Googling 94 to to two to 2004. I can talk. That’s

Ivette Bracken: right.

Christa Innis: Sometimes I’m like, my mouth doesn’t work when I talk. That’s wild. Sport came out.

Ivette Bracken: Aw, I was too a little bit younger. I’m just kidding.

Christa Innis: Oh baby.

Ivette Bracken: It’s alright. We were both born in the 19 hundreds. We’re old now.

Christa Innis: I know. I’m so old. It’s funny, I turned on friends the other day, like I was like, I need to, like, I haven’t watched friends in so long and I was like, so much like still applies, but I still feel like they’re like really young. They, they’re supposed to be like early twenties I think in the beginning.

Yeah, like 22, 23. And I was like, they seemed like, they feel like older than me still though, because I watched it as a kid. So like they just seemed so like put together and like, I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s,

Ivette Bracken: but not put together at all.

Christa Innis: They’re not put together literally at all. But I still look at them. I’m like, oh my gosh, they’re so cool.

Alright, well that was a wild one. I just. I jumped right in there. Okay. I always like to end these with confessions that people send me on Instagram. So let’s see what we got this week.

Ivette Bracken: Good. I thought I had to confess something.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Did you plan your confession? One time? Actually, I had someone on and she’s like, I’ll, I’ll confess something.

And then she did and she was like, do you have anything? And I was like, uh um, I’ll think, I don’t know if I have anything. Where do I start? I. I can never think of anything like on the spot. I’m so bad with stuff like that. Okay. This week we asked what almost made you lose it at a wedding, but you played it.

Cool. Um, okay. This person said extra guest. My mother-in-law innocently said to my aunt, the, the whole family is invited. Grandson came with a plus one or mother-in-law said to his aunt or fiance’s aunt, I’m guessing. So everyone’s invited. Um, dad left and didn’t walk me down the aisle because I wouldn’t talk to my not invited mom.

That’s a whole story. Dunno what’s there.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Can you send Chris to the details please?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Send me what happened there. I feel like that’s, there’s so, there’s so little, I don’t know to like, respond to that. Mm-hmm.

Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: But either way, I don’t think a parent should leave a wedding. Um, food was two personal sized pizzas.

No choice for toppings for each table of eight people.

Ivette Bracken: Oh,

Christa Innis: that’s interesting. I mean, I love pizza personally, but if they only just gave like two little personal sized pizzas and you go to a wedding hungry, that’s the thing. You have to feed your guests.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I wouldn’t be mad if I was at a wedding and they just served pizza.

I’ve actually been to weddings where they had a food truck and it was pizza and it was amazing. Yeah, so, but you have to plan accordingly and have enough food.

Ivette Bracken: I think my kids are losing it. Gimme one second.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: Hey Allie and pri, I’m almost done. Okay. I told you I was gonna be in the office.

Christa Innis: Okay. We’ll do one last one, then we’ll close out here. Okay. Um, definitely lost it on my maid of honor. We’re still besties. I just didn’t want to pee with a crowd. I need more to that story.

Ivette Bracken: I’m, I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s going on.

Christa Innis: Why do you wanna pee with a crown? I don’t know. I’m wondering if it’s like maybe she had like a bridal suite and people kept coming in or something. I don’t know. Yeah, tell us more. Tell us more. These little snippets are not enough.

Ivette Bracken: That’s what I’m thinking.

Like she was like either in like one of those big stalls or like in her bridal suite and people are just coming in and out and she’s trying to tell her like, Hey, can you tell him? She’s like, no, no, it’s fine. It’s fine. They just need this or that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Ivette Bracken: I guess we don’t know.

Christa Innis: I don’t know. Guess we’ll have to just make our own assumptions.

Um, all right. Well thank you so much for coming on today. Um, and it’s always, it’s always fun hanging out. I feel like I try to make them not super like formal, but then I like revert back. I’m like, thank you. It’s been fun today. Um, yeah. Thank you.

Ivette Bracken: I love being here. Thanks for having me. And then, um, maybe let’s not wait until, you know, quarter of a year has gone by.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Ivette Bracken: I know.

Christa Innis: It’s always also I’m like, we gotta get her back on. Um, but also it’s like, I see you in person. So then I’m like, that’s like our therapy session or like hang out friend therapy session. And then I’m like, oh yeah, we should get on the podcast. Maybe that’s why like when you’re on, I’m like, oh, I need to be like professional.

’cause I’m like, I don’t wanna like. Slip and say something and forget. I’m like, recording

Ivette Bracken: hang out. Right? Like, we don’t wanna just hang out kind of thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t wanna just,

Ivette Bracken: I think we did that the first time and now we’re doing it again, so we can Well, we’ll stop.

Christa Innis: Yes, exactly. All right. Well thank you so much for coming on and, um, I guess this is it.

Ivette Bracken: This is it. I hope you like it.

Christa Innis: My brain is so like, full of everything. I’m just like, I don’t even know who I am or what I’m doing these days. All right. Bye bye.

Ivette Bracken: Love you, bye.

by Christa Innis

Friendship Breakup, Legal Advice, and a Sister-in-Law Wedding Meltdown with Salma Qaddourah

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

The wedding drama that leaves everyone confused, even after hearing the full story.

What should have been a smooth, joyful wedding quickly takes a turn when a sister-in-law’s behavior starts to stand out. From tension leading up to the day to a moment at the reception that shifts the entire mood, the situation builds in a way no one quite understands in real time.

In this episode, Christa sits down with Salma Qaddourah, an attorney who shares her own experience navigating prenups, financial control, and the risks of entering a marriage without full transparency. Through both personal insight and professional perspective, she breaks down why these conversations matter early on.

Tune in as they unpack unclear intentions, shifting narratives, and the kind of wedding moments that reveal more than they seem to on the surface.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

  • The Conversation That Sparked It All – A casual prenup suggestion quickly reveals deeper issues around control, trust, and who gets to have influence in the relationship.
  • The Slow Fade Friendship – Missed calls and unanswered texts turn into a quiet but intentional distance, with no real conversation to explain it.
  • Uninvited Without a Word – After being heavily involved in the planning, Salma realizes she never received an invitation, confirming where she stands.
  • Pre-Wedding Tension Builds – Travel stress, complaints, and small moments leading up to the wedding start to hint at bigger issues beneath the surface.
  • The Reception Walkout – During the final songs of the night, a sister-in-law leaves early, shifting the tone of what should have been a celebratory ending.
  • The Morning After Cold Goodbye – A rushed exit and a strange send-off leave the couple confused and questioning what went wrong.
  • The Story That Keeps Changing – Multiple explanations surface after the wedding, but none of them fully make sense or take accountability.
  • Red Light, Green Light Reality Check – From verbal agreements to risky decisions, a quick breakdown of common mistakes that can lead to bigger problems.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

  • “It’s hard to protect what you don’t know.” – Salma Qaddourah
  • “I would never be with someone who is so comfortable disrespecting my friends.” – Salma Qaddourah
  • “There is a little bit of a risk there and people hate when I say that, but it is just a fact of life.” – Salma Qaddourah
  • “I think the best thing you can do if you end up on the other side of it is just be accountable and make amends.”– Salma Qaddourah
  • “An agreement doesn’t have to be this expensive or lengthy process.” – Salma Qaddourah
  • “Women or stay-at-home parent need to be involved in the finances” – Christa Innis
  • “Anything can happen, any life altering thing can happen.” – Christa Innis
  • “ As long as you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries and what you will and will not stand for, I think that will make it easier. ” – Christa Innis
  • “You need to be involved in the finances. You need to be 50/50.” – Christa Innis
  • “If he’s controlling everything, he’s more looking at you like a housekeeper.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Salma

Salma Qaddourah is an attorney in Indianapolis, focusing on family and divorce law. She has seen how quickly things can shift when communication is overlooked in the lead-up to a wedding.

She shares insights drawn from both her professional experience and real-life situations, often focusing on the things people overlook before getting married. From prenups to financial awareness, her perspective is rooted in helping people think ahead and ask better questions.

It comes across like advice from a big sister who wants the best for you. Less about telling you what to do, more about making sure you are thinking things through.

Follow Salma Qaddourah:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Salma: Hi, 

Christa Innis: I am so excited to have you on. So now we’ll get to your story, but a little background is, I was scrolling on TikTok one day and you had a very interesting story when it comes to weddings and being uninvited as a wedding guest. And I know we’re gonna get to that of who you are.

But starting off, can you just say a little bit about what you do and then that’ll kind of lead into this story as well. 

Salma: My name’s Salma Qaddourah. I am an attorney here in Indianapolis. I basically used to do a lot of divorce law. I have tethered off. I am very picky and choosy about much family law I will do at this point.

but that is primarily, I’m still in the attorney space. I have just tried to migrate off that a little bit because it tends to, Spring in the worst situations, if I may say 

Christa Innis: That makes a lot of sense. I could see how it can, go that way, for sure. I wanna just jump into this story because I feel like we were kind of saying before recording is there’s a lot of lessons in it and it’s an interesting viewpoint that I think a lot of people don’t hear, right off the bat.

So let’s just start with the story. your poll on social media was about how you got uninvited as a wedding guest. So let’s just jump in. 

A Six-Year Friendship That Felt Unbreakable

Salma: Perfect. So I had shared this story on my TikTok, but in my twenties I had this very good friend. Very, very good friend. I had been really good friends with her since I was 23.

I met her at a book club. And so basically, through the years, our big hobby was, during the winter we would go to this gym that had this track and we would just take these like two or three hour walks, and then in the summers and the springs, we would walk and just basically talk about life, do these things.

And I thought we had a pretty solid friendship. Like I felt really good about our friendship, like we did all our birthdays together and we had a really strong foundation. So ultimately when she would date these guys and she would tell me all the stories and eventually she met the guy she would end up marrying.

And so when they started dating, It was just basic, I’m not gonna share information. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Salma: And so they had conversations about one, conversations you should have with your partner.

You should ask your partner like, what do you think our dynamics are gonna be? Or how do you see our dynamics like playing out kind of situation. And so they had sort of decided that once they got married, they would have more of a, I call it traditional, that’s kind of how it’s viewed in the media.

But she was a nurse and he had basically this self-employed startup healthcare business that had done very well. 

Christa Innis: Hmm. 

Salma: they had just sort of decided he would be like the breadwinner and she would raise the children, which is fine. And so when they got engaged, those conversations heightened. And so during our walks we were talking about like florals and she had sent out save the dates, and I had received a save the date and we had talked about like.

She had not planned on doing a bridal party, but we had planned on doing some sort of like intro, like who was gonna be at the sweetheart table. I mean, I was helping this woman plan her wedding. 

Christa Innis: You were like, and so bride me without the title kind of thing. 

Salma: Correct. And she wasn’t gonna have like a traditional bridal party.

So I didn’t really care. And I at this point we’re kind of like in early twenties and a lot of people at that point are maybe more willing to forfeit that. Like I’m starting to see that trend more. And so I’m just doing all this stuff and at some point I basically just said, Hey, I was thinking about it very casual, like it was not like a serious lawyer conversation.

And I think because you have a nurse and you do super well and you have your own money, if that is truly the plan, I think you should get a prenup. And so she’s like, really? And I was like, yeah. And so we have this like very friendly exchange. I kind of tell her like. These are some things I think you should ask for.

Like, it wouldn’t be that expensive. Like I’m just kinda giving her the lay down and she’s like super receptive to it. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: Um, 

Christa Innis: because, 

Salma: and so I don’t, 

Christa Innis: sorry to interrupt. Was he expecting her and was it like, was he expecting her like once they got married for her to kind of stop working and like he had kind of, was it his I know and you can stop me if you don’t wanna say too much either, but like was it his idea and his thing of being like, you’re gonna quit your job, I make too much money to quit mine.

Like more of a control thing you felt? 

Salma: Yeah. I mean, I think to me, had she been someone, I’d have other friends who, when they get married, that is the plan for them. That is what they want. They want to be stay at home wives stay at home mothers for like one reason or another. Right. And that is perfectly fine.

But their conversations were more like. He said, I grew up in a household where my mom never worked after marriage, and she would do X, Y, z. Like, you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the housekeeping, like 

Christa Innis: telling 

Salma: her what he’s 

Christa Innis: responsible for. 

Salma: So like, he kind of laid it out and like, and her brain, she liked being a nurse, but she didn’t love being a nurse.

So she thought, okay, this is gonna be a fair trade off. And so I guess when she presented this idea, I’m sorry, it’s not funny. Um, when she presented this idea of a prenup to this man, he just kind lost his little mind. Like it became very much of a, you know, divorce is not an option for us. We would never get divorced.

I would never let you divorce me. This is just never gonna be. And I, I think some people can romanticize those kinds of statements. But I don’t find them romantic because I think to me it’s healthier to say, I hope we never end up in a situation where we have to part ways. I hope that is never in the cards for us, and I’m not going into this marriage with any intention of that happening, but if it does, and so he reacted poorly, but I was more offended because it didn’t even become like a, I can’t believe you would want this.

It also became a, well, your friend Selma is a nightmare and I can’t believe your friend Selma would say that. And just because Selma’s single doesn’t mean she needs to ruin our relationship. And he just started saying things to her that were so hurtful. And I’m not saying I expected her to like leave this man or whatever, but.

I would never be with someone who is so comfortable, like disrespecting my friends. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: So it was weird. He tried to turn it to like a look how happy we are and Salma just wants that. So she’s trying to tell you to do this thing that’s like this thing being the prenup, which just, which show that we are very insecure in our relationship and I really didn’t, 

Christa Innis: words 

Salma: I really think, and I think to me the worst part of it was that she drank the Koi.

Like I had known her for, I don’t know, I have six years by that point. Like I thought we had a more, you know, there’s obviously like our past criteria, she was just never someone I thought would do this. And so, as. Like basically very shortly after this, she started to be busy. She started to not make our weekly Sunday walks.

Silent Ghosting, Fallout, and 6 Years Later

She started to, and it’s okay to be busy, right? But like, wait, I mean you, the connection 

Christa Innis: there, 

Salma: you know, when you’re getting ghosted at some point. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: And I just started to see less and less of her. And like I would send her like a couple texts over the week and not hear back and then be like, everything okay?

And she’d be like, yeah, everything’s fine. And then we have a mutual friend, because that was also in the book club that I met her at. And you know, she basically is texting me about logistics for this wedding. And I realized I never got the, like, you know, after the Rs, like after the save the date and after everything you get the official like rsvp 

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Salma: Situation. I had never gotten that. And I was like, oh, this is like. For real, for real. And I realized she had privated me on her Instagram story, so I didn’t see any of the things she was doing, but she never came out and said like, I can’t be your friend anymore. Or there was never like that honest conversation.

Christa Innis: Right. Communication. Yeah. Like 

Salma: it was also weird because normally with friend breakups, like you know, you have been dumped, right? Like 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Salma: There is an event or a conversation. This was more just, I was trying to back off because I thought she was just really stressed with the wedding and with everything going on, and it was like, oh no, she’s like intentionally trying to not be my friend anymore and not invite me to this wedding.

And like obviously later I would learn more. But yeah, I was definitely. Then the wedding happened and our mutual friend was flabbergasted because our mutual friend was not as close to this girl as I was. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: So the fact that she was invited and I wasn’t was like, oh, 

Christa Innis: that’s wild. And especially like you were there so much in the beginning to help her with everything you would think like just having a conversation like, so you, it makes me wonder like what kind of things he said about you to her, to make her like, like to manipulate her brain of being like, oh yeah, she’s not a good friend.

A good friend wouldn’t suggest a prenup because that means she doesn’t think we’re gonna last, or, you know, whatever That was that he’s saying that controlling language of, that’s wild. I mean it’s, it’s just, it sounds like someone that just wanted, like the guy, he just wanted her to like listen to everything he had to say and didn’t want anyone in there empowering her to maybe do go her own way a little bit.

Salma: Right. And so like, ultimately. Especially after I found out that I was not invited to this wedding, like the wedding happened, I was never brought into it. And between the ghosting, like the slow ghosting, you know how people quiet quit their jobs? 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: Like I kind of felt like she was quiet, quitting our friendship.

Like it was just weird. And so I just didn’t try. I thought, you know what? If this is kind of how she sees me as a friend, or this is where I stand with her, there’s just no point. And obviously, like more recently, so this happened in my late twenties, so I feel like, you know, obviously COVID made me feel like my twenties were so long ago because COVID made everything feel much longer like that time period.

But so 20, 25 last year, I basically got this text message from her. And like I obviously don’t delete people’s phone numbers off my phone. I know some people have different policies, but I see that and I’m like, okay, this is like. I have not talked to this person in now six years ish. Like it was a long time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: And so I get that text message and I’m like, nothing could be good. Like she is not reaching out to me because something good is going on in her life. Mm-hmm. And so I basically say like, she’s like, can we get on a call? I if you’re too busy, no problem, blah, blah, blah. I was like, no, we can get on a call.

I was nosy. I wanted to know what she was like. Like 

Christa Innis: I need to know. Yes. Gimme the tea. 

Salma: From a purely like maybe selfish perspective, I kind of had to know like why she would, because I had to take a lot for her to get there. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. That’s what I was thinking. To have ghosted someone knowing you were in the wrong when you did that you’ve never communicated, to then have to like put your tail between your legs and be like, Hey, can we talk?

Salma: I mean, it was. I felt validated that she knew that there was a possibility that I would still leave that door open. Like that made me feel like kind of good about what I put out there. But then at the same time, I obviously was a little guarded when she called. And so during that phone call I find out that he, like the marriage has not been good.

They have had these two children at this point. She has tried her very best to do anything and everything to try to stay in the marriage because she was like, not like a super traditional, but she came from like kind of a, you know, her parents were still together, her siblings were still with their spouses.

Like she came from something where I think there was like the shame around just saying like, this has been right. And so at that point, the divorce had not been filed yet. She just wanted to know what her options were from a purely legal standpoint. I think what troubled me the most is I’m trying to have basic conversations with her about, okay, like what are roughly the expenses of the household?

Do you know what roughly he brings in salary wise? And the inability to answer any of those questions with any sort of certainty was really disheartening. Like, how did we end up here where you don’t have any control of the finances and you don’t actually know all the user’s names and passwords on all of the accounts, and you are now put in a position that it is hard to protect what you don’t know.

It is hard to, and ultimately in that situation, I told her, look, there is a, I said, why do you think that this is leading to divorce? And she just said his behavior is in like, I wanna keep trying, but I don’t, I don’t feel good about it. Um. Ultimately he was the one who filed for divorce against her 

Christa Innis: wild.

The guy that doesn’t believe in divorce or were never getting a divorce. Mm-hmm. 

Salma: He filed against, like, not against her, it’s not an against, but he filed for divorce to not be married to her anymore. And so those proceedings were very tough because he was self-employed. So there’s no W2 employer that you can call.

Christa Innis: Right. 

Salma: Uh, she didn’t have any, he had done a really good job of moving money around, putting money in family members’ names and I was 

Christa Innis: actually made, 

Salma: yeah. So I mean, that was kind of a little bit of a, I mean, the divorce process was just kind of a nightmare because she just didn’t have any real good grip.

And I know people think it’s crazy that I helped her, but honestly, at some point you start to feel really sorry for somebody. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: Like. I’m not saying what she did to me was okay, but I also recognize that, um, she unfortunately had to learn that lesson the hard way. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: Uh, and so I just kind of went ahead and started to share that story because, you know, you see all the little trends going on in social media and everybody’s like, he, he ha ha like, I am marrying this man who is gonna be my provider and take care of me, and I don’t need to know how to pay the mortgage and I don’t need to know.

And I always like, I hate that trend. 

Christa Innis: Yes. It hurts me. 

Salma: So, yeah. I mean, we’re like casual now. Me and her, like acquaintances at this point, like after I helped her, like our friendship was never gonna be where it was. 

Christa Innis: Right. 

Salma: There were different ways that she could have handled that falling out. And, and I mean, I act really tough and vague, but like was I very hurt when I’m looking at these Instagram videos of my mutual friend and she’s at this wedding and 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Salma: I think I’m gonna be part of this and I’m not, because I said did something I think was seemingly innocent. 

Christa Innis: Right. So, 

Salma: and, 

Christa Innis: and it shows that like your gut instincts about this guy were right. And it’s like, and even if they were still happily married, that’s you looking out for your friend. Like, I would never, I don’t get taking that so personally that like, oh my God, this friend wants us to break up.

That’s a friend that’s looking out and, you know, trying to help like protect. Did she say on the phone ever, like, after this call, like, any apology or like, sorry, I know things are weird between us, or like, did she say anything that like kind of made her like seem that she was apologetic at all? 

Salma: Oh, absolutely.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: That was the only reason. I mean, I felt sorry for her, but like the only reason I was so willing to walk her through it and try to help her and try to put her in a position where she wasn’t getting completely railroaded was because she kind of led with, how embarrassing is this? Like mm-hmm. I am so, so sorry.

And she goes, I understand this apology doesn’t seem authentic because I need something now. Or like, but I am like truly, truly, and I believe she’s sorry. And like to me I needed just some accountability. I don’t think had she not apologized, I would have been willing to help her. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: Just because to me, like if you don’t, if you don’t see with how what you did to me was like not super messed up and like, I don’t know how to help you or I don’t want to help you, but she was very apologetic.

She just said, she said, you know, I know that this isn’t a good. But at the time, I so badly wanted to end up with him and I wanted to him to feel like I respected and listened to his opinion. And I know that that was, I mean, unfortunately for her too, I think during the marriage he played this card a lot.

So I think she got out of that marriage and realized her entire village had been turned to the ground for the most part. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: So that is a very hard place to be, but I think a good place to start if you’ve like, this isn’t the my first rodeo. I’ve seen this before where it hasn’t been, it hasn’t personally impacted me, but I’ve seen in other people’s circles.

And I think the best thing you can do if you end up on the other side of it is just be accountable and make amends. And some people are not gonna be interested in being your friend, rightfully so. But I also think, to me, like me helping her was not a true friendship act. It was more just say, honoring what we had for a very short period of time, or not.

I mean, short period of time, six years, but like Right. Honoring our friendship when it existed in the form that it existed. 

Christa Innis: Right. 

Salma: And yeah, I don’t know. I mean, her life, I mean, she’s still trying to pick up her situation, but I do think that she’s a good cautionary tale because I do think people sometimes get swept up in these romantic relationships and then make decisions so that when they finally get married, they look around and they realize it’s just thumb in this man.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And I feel like we could go so many directions with, with this conversation, but you brought up a good point about that kind of trend of being like, I don’t know my, you know, what my husband makes, I don’t know the finances, I just kind of go spend what I want. Or maybe you don’t, you hear about that, the, the financial control too, where it’s like they’re, they’re allotted maybe like a.

You know, a couple, a hundred bucks a month or a week or whatever, whatever that looks like. But people don’t even think about out outside of, you know, splitting up whatever. What if your husband passed away? What if something like that happens? I’ve seen stories like that happen recently, where then people, the wives or the woman does not know how to log into a bank account.

They don’t know what money they were making. They don’t know what different accounts they have. And so financial control like can hurt in so many ways. Um, and I’ve seen so many trending stories now where women come on later and they’re like. Yeah, my husband of 20 years was having an affair and he made all the money and I have nothing to show for because he wanted me to be a stay at home mom.

And again, this is nothing against stay at home moms. If that’s your passion and that’s something that you’ve wanted to do, your choice, no one anyone else’s, that’s great and I fully support it. But even being a stay at home mom, you need to be know about finances. You need to be. 50 50. He needs to be like, and this could probably come from a financial advisor, but like, I think that they should be paying you, they should be paying you for what you’re doing, whether that’s a weekly paycheck or a monthly paycheck and like actually like write you out.

Um, I feel like Tori Dunlap, who I had on the podcast was talking about that too, on something, but like, you are technically like allotted the same money. And so if he’s controlling everything, and especially this guy sounds like he knew it was coming, so he’s like, I’m gonna hide where money is going. So she can’t see it and she can’t take any of it.

Then he’s more still looking at you as like a housekeeper. You know, he’s not really looking at you as a partner. Um, so that’s when, that’s something I’m like so passionate about too. I’m like, women need to be involved in the finances or the stay-at-home parent needs to be involved in finances just as much as the working or the out of house, you know, parent, um, or partner because.

Anything can happen, any life altering thing can happen, whether that’s divorce, death, um, you know, an accident. You know, you never know what that is. Um, like I even heard a story that was on the podcast where, um, a couple they never legally married and the, I think his mom was living with them and he got in a car accident or a motorcycle accident.

So he was in a coma and the mom went and said, well, they’re not legally married. She has no right to see him and like blocked him out. So there’s things like that where they never thought that would happen. So of course, as soon as he was like back to himself and she was like, we’re getting married, like this is gonna be on paper, it’s legal.

Um, so there’s all those things that people just don’t think about. And so I feel like this is something that people should really, you know, look at ahead of time. So what would you recommend someone listening, like let’s say they’re in a similar situation, like your friend pre. Maybe they are engaged right now and she plans to be a stay at home mom or, um, what would you say about like, looking into a prenup or questions to ask yourself?

Be kind before kind of getting to that point. 

Salma: It always tell everybody you need a prenup. I don’t care if you’re just starting out. I don’t care if you don’t have, if you feel like you don’t have a lot of assets. Because I think a couple of the things that I’m seeing the most more recently is sports betting has become, has basically exploded, right?

Mm-hmm. You see very well positioned, smart, educated men who get trapped in the sports betting and like these kinds of different things and they basically take all the assets. They keep betting thinking, I can just win it back. I can just win it back. And so I have seen that kind of situation. I’ve seen lots of people where one person is financially like illiterate and ends up putting all this debt on credit cards and then they’re both held accountable if they get divorced.

So I always tell people when you, especially if you’re gonna be a stay at home mom, I do think that there is a little bit of a risk there and people hate when I say that, but it is just a fact of life. There is a little bit of a risk there where I always tell people, like when you’re going in, the prenup doesn’t have to be fancy.

It just has to basically say like, I’m not gonna be responsible for any of your debt. Especially debt that is accumulated in a way that is dissipating the assets. Like you have a shopping problem, you bet all our money away. That way if something happens after you’re married, you’re not on the hook for your partners bad decisions if you need to divorce ’em.

I also tell them like, you need like a brokerage account or like. Basically a retirement account as well, if you can post it. So just agree, I’m gonna put in a thousand dollars into this brokerage account a month for you, depending on how much your partner makes. 

Christa Innis: Mm. 

Salma: And that way you have money that is growing in the background that you don’t see, you don’t hear about, you don’t talk about outside of making trades.

Right. And then I have seen people build in a, I’m not gonna call it a little allowance because I hate that word. Mm-hmm. But it is basically a salary that it is a bank account where the woman or the man if, if we’re doing the reverse, if this is like a stay at home dad situation, they can like reverse it so that there is a certain percentage of the paycheck that gets put in the separate account.

And it is her do not ask, do not tell account where she can spend that money. And it is like, if there’s something she’s had her eye on and she wants to buy it and he just thinks it’s like a ridiculous purchase, this is her money to kind of do. Whatever, or he, whatever he wants to do with. And I think it’s like a lot of people take that money and they don’t touch it.

Christa Innis: Mm. 

Salma: Because I think it is like a little bit of like a safety, but it’s not supposed to be an an account where the kids, you know, the kids’ stuff gets taken out of it or the household expenses get taken out of. So there are just so many things you can put a prenup to just protect yourself financially in a way that, especially if you’re marrying someone who’s self-employed.

I don’t know. I think I probably have PTSD because I had a really complicated case in my twenties with somebody whose husband was a, he was self-employed and she had absolutely no money. And watching the way that that played out through the court system just like broke my little heart because we threw everything we had at it.

But it was just a very complicated situation because everyone’s like, well, I’ll just go hire a forensic accountant. And I’m like, with what money? Who’s gonna pay the $500 an hour for the forensic accountant that you’re talking about? And so I just always tell people like, there are very basic things you can do, and it doesn’t have to be this expensive or lengthy process, but I, you know, if you never get divorced and you live happily ever after and neither of you die anytime soon or get incapacitated, you don’t have to ever use it.

Like 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Salma: And with stay at home moms, especially like a prenup is not just if you get divorced, some, the rules of the prenup can apply during the marriage. So you write it out to apply during the marriage. So you are basically getting all of the financial benefits while you’re married so that you don’t have to wait for an event to happen to start getting those financial benefits.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love it. It’s just like, it’s like planning through everything because. I feel like it had this like negative connotation where it’s like, oh, okay, that means you’re gonna split up. But it’s just, it’s planning and it’s prepping. And like you said, no one goes into a marriage thinking, oh, we’re gonna get divorced.

Oh this is gonna happen. You know, like it’s just planning for it. And I think so many people kind of just go in trusting the man maybe, or whoever they’re gonna marry. Um, like in this situation it’s I very controlling of like, okay, you’re going to, I’m gonna control all this. You’re gonna cook, clean, whatever.

Um, so I think this is a really important conversation because even if ultimately that’s what you want to do, I think you have to be like, okay, well how’s this gonna work best for us? Um, and I think you made a good point too about, um, putting in there about like not paying debts. ’cause there was a story I read, I feel like it was on the podcast now, I can’t remember, but where she didn’t know until after they got married that he had like $40,000 of debt.

From gambling and he was basically like, well, yours is mine and I need you to help me pay it off. And so, you know, you hear those stories and it’s like, again, people always say, it’s not gonna happen to me. They don’t think it’s gonna happen to them, but it does. Um, and so just like planning for that, we’re seeing a lot of women open up about going through a divorce where they least expected it and they were at home for the last 25 years.

Um, so yeah, I think that’s, that’s great advice. Great advice. 

Salma: I also, this is really, really just a quick side story. So I’m literally at my apartment and I have my door half open because I am moving like groceries in and out. And this woman who has just moved into my building, she’s in her mid sixties and she’s not the demographic for who lives in this.

This high rise that I live in, right? Like this is not who normally moves in. It’s like mainly like young professionals. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: And so she kind of pokes her head in and she’s like, hi. She’s like being really nice and I’m like, hi. You know, like, what are you doing? I’m trying to, and she just starts like spilling on me, like spilling on me.

And she’s like, yeah, I just got settled into my apartment. I’m trying to get used to like moving from a five bedroom house to a, to a one bedroom apartment. And you know, my daughter just came to visit me and she was baffled and I was like, oh really? Like, you know, I could tell she just like needed to talk to someone and I was just standing there like, okay.

But she was basically, literally in that 10 minutes we were out in the hallway. She’s telling me about how she had been married since she was 21. She is now in her mid sixties. They had three children together. She never worked, did everything for this household. She. Did everything. She thought she was the perfect mom, the perfect parent, the perfect wife.

She would tell me all these like things where she was literally giving her kids all this advice about how to be a good partner. And then her husband very, very suddenly just tells her like, I just fell out of, like fell out of love with you a long time ago. And I was trying to stay for the kids and I don’t wanna stay for the kids anymore.

And I know how selfish that is. And despite the fact of him saying how selfish she was, he was willing to duke it out in court. And so now she’s living in this apartment where she just doesn’t have a lot to, that’s just a bad way to go out when you think this is gonna be your forever person. And so I just think, I see people all the time and nobody gets married thinking.

Oh, we’re gonna get divorced. Mm-hmm. 

Christa Innis: Right. 

Salma: My husband’s gonna suddenly pass away. You know, like nobody goes into it thinking that. So I think that it should just not be taboo. Like we need to get away from this idea that a prenups indicates anything about your marriage or your future marriage. And we need to start, especially women, I hate to say it, I’m not saying it, that men don’t also get raw deals.

I’m just saying that the majority of the cases where I have seen divorces go wrong, it is always the woman who gets smacked. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I know. I think, and I think we’re seeing more from that older generation kind of coming out and realizing it. Because also in that generation it was more, you know, typical to either get married before college, find your partner in college, get married right away, forgo the, you know.

Job after college, get married, have kids, and become a stay at home mom. That was way more common, I think my parents’ generation, the generation before that. And so I think now that generation, a lot of them are realizing like either like, oh, I didn’t really get to do the things I wanted to do, or I don’t really have, like, something that be was mine.

You know? Like obviously like they had kids and they raised kids and I’m not downplaying that at all. That is very hard work. As, as a mom, I’m a mom myself and I, it’s very hard work, but I just feel like a lot of them, because I’ve talked to um, similar people, like you said, have your neighbor, similar people in my neighborhood.

And like, it wasn’t until like, one is a lady in her eighties in my neighborhood, and it wasn’t until her husband passed away that she started coming out on walks and like meeting other people in the neighborhood. And now she’s literally like this social butterfly. She was like, I didn’t know anybody before he died.

And I was like, oh, like. Why? And then she was like, and he left me all these papers to deal with. I didn’t know how to like go through his stuff. Like she didn’t know like any of their account, like any of this stuff. And a similar situation where like when I started seeing her out on walks, like we would just talk for like an hour because she was just wanted to talk to somebody and now everybody knows who she is.

And I feel like you’re, that was kind of their, the generation of like, you just get married, you stay home with the kids and um, while the partner or the dad gets to go out and kind of do his thing. So I think women now are learning to take a little bit more control, hopefully and learning from stories like the ones you shared, um, because it’s never too late to kinda like take back that control and um, even if it’s something small, but just finding some way to kind of like own it, I would say.

Salma: Yeah. And if anybody’s listening, you can still get a postnuptial agreement in most states, so just look into it. It’s not too late. Just kidding. 

Christa Innis: There you go. I love it. Okay, let’s get into. Today’s blind story. Are you still, are you okay on time? I know we’re kind of going a little, a little over. 

Salma: Yeah, I’m fine.

Red Light, Green Light: Legal Edition

Christa Innis: Okay. All right. Awesome. So actually before we do that, let’s do a little, uh, red light, green light. These are just little, um, little suggestions. And then based on, based on what it is, let me know if you think it’s a red light or green light. Okay. Paying a large deposit in cash or via Venmo with no paper trail, 

Salma: red light, 

Christa Innis: uh, verbal agreements with vendors you trust.

Salma: Red light 

Christa Innis: hosting a backyard wedding without event insurance. 

Salma: Red light, 

Christa Innis: allowing guests to bring their own alcohol, 

Salma: red light, 

Christa Innis: like, uh, tagging vendors while complaining about them. 

Salma: Word red light 

Christa Innis: recording conversations without consent.

Oh, I think you cut out. 

Salma: Oh, I said red light. 

Christa Innis: Oh, okay. Yeah. Um, using a generic online prenup, template 

Salma: red light. 

Christa Innis: I didn’t know that was a thing. Um, assuming the venue is responsible for all guest safety, 

Salma: red light. 

Christa Innis: All right. Okay. Let’s get into this story. This is from one of the followers I’ve not read yet, so here we go.

Pre-Wedding Tension

Hi. First off, I love your videos. I’ll start with a bit of a backstory so things are easier to understand. I’m from Scotland and my now husband is from England. We met online nine years ago. He’s lived in Scotland with me for eight years, and we’ve been married for two years. We have a 13-year-old son, my son from a previous relationship and a 6-year-old daughter.

On my side of the family. I have a lot of extended relatives, but my immediate family is just my mom, my brother, my half sister from my dad. My dad passed away shortly after my sister was born when I was 12. I’m like getting this family tree like in my head. My husband’s parents are divorced. He has an older brother who’s married and a younger sister who’s married.

Neither of them has kids. His sister lives in Dubai for work and has done so since our daughter was born. Neither siblings has a close relationship with my husband and they don’t really know our kids. Okay. There’s the backstory. My husband had cancer as a child, and then again the year before we got married.

He beat cancer both times after extremely hard battles with treatment during chemo. The second time, he had to go to appointments alone due to COVID restrictions at the hospital, so I couldn’t be there with him after he got all cleared. Just a year before our wedding, he of course called his mom and dad to share the good news.

He also told his mom he would phone his sister the next day as the day as the time difference met. It was 11:00 PM in Dubai, and since she’s a teacher, he assumed that she would be asleep. His mom told her friend who told her daughter, who then texted his sister saying it was great news that my husband had the all clear.

So his sister ended up finding out via friend’s text message, no big deal or so we thought. So then she called my husband in floods of tears saying she was devastated that he didn’t call her personally. He explained that he had fully intended to call the next day. She guilt tripped him, saying how hard it was for her to go through this again after watching him battle cancer as a child for context, during the six months he was undergoing treatment, she only called once to ask how he was doing.

Another time she called her mom while she, while she was visiting us, and asked on speaker phone whether he put on a, asked on speaker phone, whether he put on a lot of weight due to steroids. I heard the entire conversation. She also lied about how she found out. She, he was all in the clear claiming it was her husband who saw it on their dad’s Facebook page.

That wasn’t true. Their dad doesn’t even have her husband on Facebook, and he only posted about it after the phone call. We still have no idea why she lied. That’s odd. Their mom simply said their daughter was just upset because she hadn’t been called first. That’s a bit of the background for the wedding drama that fall.

Okay, now we’re into the wedding drama. Okay. I love when they give like extra details though. ’cause I’m like, I always have so many questions. I’m like, okay, what’s, what’s the background to this disagreement? 

Salma: All 

Christa Innis: right. Our wedding was planned at a Scottish castle near the Scotland, England border. That sounds amazing.

So everyone attended would need to travel because of this. Most guests booked hotels as the castle had limited rooms. We offered these rooms to close family, family first, including both of my husband’s siblings, both declined. His brother said he’d get a hotel in a nearby village. His sister said that since it was a year before the wedding, she wasn’t sure she would be able to attend due to work, which we understood.

His mom decided to take one of the rooms and talked often about wanting to spend time with our kids since she doesn’t see them much. She mentioned wishing she could babysit them the way her kids babysits her own grandkids. Um, because of this, we asked if she’d like to have the kids stay in her room on the night of the wedding so she could spend extra time with them.

She was thrilled. We booked her a room with an extra bed so the kids could stay with her. At the time our son was 10 and our daughter was four. Our son is autistic and he doesn’t cope well. With too much change, this becomes relevant later. She’s great with all the details. Um, as time went on, we started to finalize menus and food choices for our vendors.

We called his sister to confirm her menu selections and double check that her husband wouldn’t be joining us as he couldn’t get the time off work. During that call, my husband asked whether she booked her flights and accommodations yet since we were now just over a month away from the wedding. She snapped at him saying she couldn’t deal with it herself and didn’t need him checking in on her.

She then said, you should be more effing grateful. I’m coming to your wedding. Jeez. Oh gosh. Okay. I’m glad we got that backstory. ’cause now I can like picture the dynamic. Uh oh. I don’t know if, okay. I think your sound keeps cutting out. 

Salma: Oh, sorry. I just said yikes. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, at that point, my husband simply said goodbye and ended the call.

A week later, his mom was on the phone with him discussing wedding plans, and mentioned how stressed his sister was about traveling for the wedding. We reminded her that we’d always told his sister, we completely understood if she couldn’t make it due to distance costs or work, they’re probably like, please just don’t come at this point.

Salma: Basically, 

Christa Innis: yeah, save us the drama. His mom then casually said, money wasn’t the issue because his aunt was paying for his sister’s plane ticket as part of a wedding gift to us. Okay. So that my husband could have his sister at his big day. That does not feel like a wedding gift to the couple. 

Salma: No. I was like, that’s very odd.

It’s extremely odd. 

Christa Innis: I know. I’d be like pay for the couple’s room or their flight. What his aunt couldn’t attend herself as she lives in Australia and had work commitments. Then his mom added that. she’d been thinking his sister could just squeeze into her room with the kids.

So we said no, we didn’t think that was a good idea. A the room was for three people. There was one double bed that his mom and our daughter were going to share and a single bed for our son. Our kids don’t really know his sister very well, and our son would be uncomfortable sharing a room with someone he doesn’t know.

Well, this went back and forth for a few days. His sister was crying on the phone to their mom saying it was unfair and nasty for us to say She doesn’t know the kids. Didn’t they already offer the room? And she said, no. 

Salma: Yes. I don’t understand. I’m getting like anxiety for these people 

Christa Innis: I know like. I always feel bad for the couple, like having to deal with this kind of drama before their wedding.

Like they should be excited counting it on the days and this would make me not want it to happen because you’re gonna have to deal with someone like this. 

Salma: I just would want let that person to not come. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Be like, can you not pay for her to come? Please be that. Make that our gift. Just don’t pay. His mom kept asking for her to be squeezed in.

Eventually we made the decision to ask my mom if she could have the kids the night of the wedding instead, since it seemed like his sister was going to try to stay in that room anyway, so we told his mom she could have her daughter stay in the room with her, but the kids would be in a different room.

Wedding Weekend and Tantrum Blowups

She was upset, but said, okay, fast forward past a few other bits and pieces and it’s now the wedding day. Everything goes well and it seems like everyone’s having a good time. In Scotland, we have a tradition of ending parties, especially weddings, with a song, a dance called. I might pronounce this wrong.

Lock Lamond. Lamond Lomond. My husband had told his family he was so excited to include them in this tradition and that it would be the final song of the night. The song before that, don’t look back in anger as he’s from Manchester. The DJ announced it was time for the final two songs and asked everyone to come to the dance floor.

We were gathering everyone. When we saw his sister and mom heading upstairs. My husband went over and said, why are you going? Where are you going? Quick, it’s time for the last dances. His sister said she was tired from traveling and needed to go to bed since their mom was driving them. She needed to sleep too.

It was roughly 11:45 PM My husband said, come on mom. I told you this was important to me. Just two more songs. His sister Huffed and stormed upstairs. I’m like, seen this as like a toddler like, like she’s a grown adult. It 

Salma: doesn’t sound like a grown adult. 

Christa Innis: No. Like what is this? His mom reluctantly came back to the dance floor, we danced, said good night to everyone and headed to bed the next morning at breakfast.

Everyone was sitting quietly talking about the night before and laughing about sore heads. Then my sister-in-law came to into the breakfast hall and said to their mom, come on, will you leave now? Or we’ll be late. I need to get to the airport. My mother-in-law got up halfway through breakfast, went upstairs to get her things.

So now she can’t even enjoy the wedding ’cause the sister has to go. my husband and I went out to the reception area and said goodbye. His sister was at the car crying. His mom coldly said, goodbye Mr. Lafferty. Have a nice life. Wait, what? My husband took my last name. So she said it like in a rude way.

Ooh, that’s awesome. Her husband took her last name. That’s cool. Um. Goodbye. Mr. Lafferty. Have a nice life. What did they do to the mom? That’s so weird. 

Salma: Oh no. That is very 

Christa Innis: strange. 

Salma: Oh, 

Christa Innis: he said, what? What does that mean? Am I not going to see you? She scuffed and walked off. Two seconds later, she came running back in because she had forgotten the bouquet of flowers we’d given her the night before.

She went upstairs to get them on her way back down. My husband asked, what’s wrong with her? Why is she crying? His mom replied in a nasty tone, oh, work it out for yourself. What is going on with this family? That’s completely dampen? That completely dampened our wedding week. My husband was devastated. He wouldn’t look at videos or his phone or photos.

He didn’t want to read the cards. He just wanted to understand why they acted that way. So now they’re making it about themselves like they can’t even enjoy this moment because mom and sister are having a freak breakout. I don’t even know. 

Salma: I like hate that for her. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like all that’s 

Salma: like a bad way to go.

Like that’s like a bad way to start your marriage or like your wedding. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Because now everything’s just like, your memories are gonna be all about how they acted on this day. They had to make it about themselves, the sister. It’s like every little thing the sister had a complaint about, she would’ve made it so much better if she just didn’t come.

Aftermath, Excuses, and Takeaways

A week later. He called his mom his first call since the wedding. She said the reason his sister was so upset was because he didn’t make her feel special enough at the wedding. What was he supposed to have a sister brother dance? Like? 

Salma: I have no idea that, that’s so cringe. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, girl. Like you can’t let your brother have his day with his wife.

Salma: It just kinda gives me the ick too. It’s like, why are you so obsessed with your brother and like you don’t like him giving women attention? Like 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Salma: That’s just really, really strange to me. 

Christa Innis: Yes. It’s like there’s like a jealousy or insecurity that like he’s spending time with his wife and not you. I just read a similar story like this where the sisters like demanded to be in the brother’s wedding and they’re like, we’re actually not having people in our wedding.

We’re gonna have each have one person. And they like showed up in these matching like bridesmaid style dresses and they had the DJ announce them because they couldn’t stand not being a part of the wedding. And I’m just like, I cannot imagine being so self-important at someone else’s wedding. 

Salma: Honestly.

That’s really embarrassing too. 

Christa Innis: Yes. 

Salma: To just like take that upon yourself like, gosh. 

Christa Innis: Also like what DJ is gonna be like, oh yeah, I’ll add that into the announcement. I’d be like, I did not get that from the bride and groom, so no, I will not be announcing. 

Salma: Absolutely. So 

Christa Innis: weird. Um, okay, so she said, bearing in mind A, it wasn’t her wedding B, she had had her own wedding four years earlier.

So she’s already, she was married and had her own day. C she’s a 30-year-old woman, not a child. ’cause yeah, I keep picturing like a 5-year-old or four or 5-year-old, like stomping up the stairs. Um. Apparently she couldn’t understand why she didn’t get a special mention or role in our wedding. My brother walked me down the aisle and made a speech because he was standing in for our dad.

My, my sister was a junior bridesmaid. We didn’t even know if his sister would be attending until about three months before the wedding, at her wedding. Neither my husband nor I had any special role. I wasn’t a bridesmaid and he wasn’t a groomsman, so why? Even more so. Why is she expecting? My God, it’s wild.

In my husband’s speech, he thanked everyone for traveling. He didn’t single anyone out. He thanked his mom and dad and my mom and that was it. then his mom said his sister was upset about her seating arrangement. She claimed she was seated at a table with no one she knew. In reality, we seated her next to a lifelong family, friend and neighbor.

All our tables were mixed family groups. His mom then claimed his sister didn’t know this family friend, his friend very well. Even though during photos when the photographer said, okay, all the groom’s family, his sister shouted for this friend to join the photo because she’s family. So ridiculous. Like some people will just find anything to complain about.

Plus like even when I’ve gone to weddings where I’m set at a table where I don’t really know anyone, you’re there for such a short amount of time. Grab a drink, eat your food, and make conversation like I’m such an like, 

Salma: hang out. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s not that hard. Like I’m an introvert and I can, I can make myself do it.

And then you’re on the dance floor and you can see your family and friends. Like, I just don’t get, when people make someone else’s wedding about themselves, it’s so, such odd behavior. 

Salma: This sort of took it like a step too far. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And then like the crying off on like the side. And constantly like having people ask like, oh, what’s wrong with them?

Not saying anything until like months later when the mom has to speak for you. Like 

Salma: they’re nicer than I am. I would’ve been saying some stuff, like, it would not have been just like a, oh, what did we do? It would’ve been like, uh, you got to go. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. You are killing the vibe right now. Can you please just go to your room?

You’re gonna act like a toddler. Go. Um, I, during that phone call, his mom kept repeating how incredibly hurt and upset his sister was. My husband said, well, I’m upset too. It was my wedding day and you’ve both tried to make it about her. His mom replied, well, she’s really upset. Like, I just hear it. The story has changed at least 10 times since.

First it was that she didn’t feel special, then it was that she was worried about missing her flight because of traffic. And then it was that she was tired from traveling and then it was that she wasn’t upset at all. The story has changed so much that honestly I feel crazy sometimes. And this is only a snippet of their behavior over the years.

Thanks for the videos you shared. They really helped me feel not so crazy knowing other people deal with complicated family drama too. Oh my gosh. So now they have to deal with those people, their marriage like, and that I feel like pulls people apart. Like if, if they don’t actually like set their intentions of like, okay, it’s us versus everybody else, I think that’s where it can get complicated.

’cause you see, like, you’ll see like the husband get pulled in a lot of the stories like, oh, well your, your wife said this to me. Or you know, some, you hear stories like that happen all the time, but the fact that they’re changing their story, I think they just wanna feel like the victim. 

Salma: I think that’s like a problem though.

’cause I feel like that’s not gonna stop. It’s gonna just be every year it’s gonna be something. It’s gonna be, quite honestly, like I think the bride is being very gracious by trying to be like patient and let her husband handle it. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: But I just think that would get old very fast. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like everything, 

Salma: just like laced the boundaries.

Christa Innis: Yes. Everything I feel like would, would feel like a chore. It’d be like, okay, are we gonna get together for Thanksgiving or something? It’d be like, sister’s gonna be like, well, I don’t know. You know, like the back and forth. Well, does anyone want me there? You know? And that’s just like exhausting to be around someone like that.

So I feel like the only way is to have really limited contact, which I think it sounds like they don’t all live close by each other, so maybe it is limited. And then just not dealing with the mom’s like victim. Talk about the sister. Because I think that’s why the sister learns to behave that way because the mom puts up with it and is like, oh, your sister.

And then she’s like, oh yeah, I am the victim. 

Salma: Uh, I think that’s like a lot of enabling, I don’t know. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: I just like feel like weddings where you’re like, people spend so much time and money and energy into having that one day and then for people to just not be able to get it together for such a short period of time drives me crazy.

’cause I’m like 

Christa Innis: mm-hmm. 

Salma: Who knew his sister was gonna be like enemy number one while this is all going on. I just think that’s like hard, especially based on everything she shared with us. It doesn’t really seem like I could maybe understand if at her wedding four years ago they did something unforgivable and like ruined her wedding or something and now this was like a revenge plot of some sort.

But it just kind of sounds like this other woman is very entitled and so I don’t know how you fix that. 

Christa Innis: Right. I feel like it’s like too far, too gone because what are they saying? It’s, it started after, um, the sister not getting the call right. About his cancer, but they said even while he had cancer, she called like once to ask how he was doing.

So it, it’s again, it’s like that, that woe is me kind of attitude of like, even if they had, she had been the first person to call, right? When he got the news, she would’ve found some reason. Oh, I wasn’t at the meeting, I was at the appointment. You know, whatever. ’cause there’s just some people that are gonna, that want to feel like the victim.

You 

Salma: do well with those people. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. You gotta, you gotta, like you said, strict boundaries with those kind of people. ’cause they just, they lay, they are like, they’re like the gray cloud in a room because there’s always something you can always tell when they’re gonna complain about something or, or, um, make something about that.

So. I am sorry. I hope, I hope you guys are at least on the same page, this bride that sent this in. As long as, I feel like as long as you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries and what you will and will not stand for, I think that will make it easier. Um, and limited, limited contact for sure.

Um, okay. I like to end these with or end these episodes with confessions that people send me on Instagram. Um, so this week we asked anything you want to get off your chest vent, rant, or share something that happened recently. Okay. This person said, I never want to be a bridesmaid again. 

Salma: I think a lot of us probably feel that way.

Christa Innis: It’s a lot. I mean, I feel like it’s a, it’s a lot of work. Like I feel like I got all my bridesmaid time out before I got married myself. Like I haven’t been a bridesmaid since I was married, but I didn’t like nine times, nine or 10 times and. It was a lot. It’s a lot in your twenties and thirties and it’s just, it’s like a full-time job when you’re, if you’re like an active one, you don’t have to be, but I got lucky.

But I’ve, I’ve heard obviously terrible like bridezilla stories where like they expect you to spend so much money and like, like you’re, you should revolve around them, you know, and the world stops when, when they’re getting married and it’s just like, I can understand that. That’s, that’d be hard. Um, okay.

This person says, I’m so angry that I have zero relationship with my older brother since our parents died. I think that 

Salma: happens actually. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that happens to a lot of siblings because I think a lot of times it’s like the parents are what holds them together maybe. And if it was already kind of like struggling, but yeah.

That’s, that’s really sad. Um, I wish I’d spent more time to plan something a bit more special for my wedding. Um, okay. This is a three part, one mother in, mother-in-law and I are hosting a gender reveal for brother-in-law and wife. Wife keeps making expensive last minute changes instead of trusting the mother-in-law.

And I had everything under control. Turns out it’s wife’s mom being the issue and has been strong arming brother-in-law and wife to do things her way or not at all. That’s unfortunately very common and that’s when you need to have those strict boundaries. And just being like, because it’s, because I feel like when you start allowing a little bit to happen with someone like that, like you’re like, okay, yeah, we’ll make this one change.

’cause you said it, it’s like a, what is it? Give an inch. They’ll take a mile or whatever. Someone like that they know. They know who they can easily manipulate. I see it all the time. 

Salma: It’s like frustrating though. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: May I never be a mother like that one day. 

Christa Innis: Right. I know. It’s like people like that. I wonder if they like, can see that they’re being that way.

I don’t know. It’s, yeah. Some people just can’t let go or let someone else like take the lead of something ’cause they think they’re just gonna do it better. All right, last one. My mother-in-law got both of my kids 30 plus gifts. Each asked after we asked her to tone it down this year. So frustrated. I’m guessing for the holidays or for Christmas or something, or maybe their birthdays.

That’s wild. As a parent, I would, that would overwhelm me. I can’t even imagine. That’s 

Salma: just much stuff. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. And 

Salma: stuff you have to keep in your house. 

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. As my child’s parent. I don’t get her more than like two things for like a birthday and then maybe a couple more, like for a holiday. I like, I, I get very overwhelmed by stuff.

So 30 gifts that I don’t even know, I can’t even comprehend. 30 gifts. That’s too, 

Salma: they must have money. Money, 

Christa Innis: yeah. Well and then I feel like then when kids get so much stuff, they don’t value the things they do have. 

Salma: Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Because they’re like, oh, I’m just gonna get more stuff. Or they use it once and it goes in the garbage.

So like, I hate that personally. So I’m very like, we’re gonna get something that you’re gonna use multiple ways and like for many years. ’cause I, I hate just like, I hate just things sitting around that you’re just not gonna use. 

Salma: Agree. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Alright, well thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for coming on this, this week.

 it was so nice meeting you. And, um. I feel like your story is a very good cautionary tale for many 

Salma: thanks for hosting me. I had fun. I mean, this has been like a fun way to spend my, I guess it’s evening at this point, but yeah. Fun way to spend my evening and, um, I think you put out a lot of good content for people to just kind of take a pause and like that woman said, like, not feel alone because if you feel like you’re the only person dealing with crazy people, you’re not.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. 

Salma: So I think there’s something about feeling validated. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: And feeling like, okay, this is not unique. I’m not the only person dealing with this. But yeah. This has been fun. Thank you so much for inviting me. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. It’s wild. ’cause like when I first started sharing like a couple, like stories and stuff, like, just like stuff I’d heard over the years from like weddings, I never knew how, how wild and how many stories people had to share about this kind of thing.

Um, like. It just like blows my mind. So I think it’s a great, like safe space to be able to share and like talk to other people, set stronger boundaries and all that. Um, so for anyone listening, can you tell everyone where they can follow you on social media, um, and where kind of anything fun you’re working on, what they can, what they can expect from your content, all that good stuff?

Salma: Yeah, so I am primarily only on one. I know this is like not what everybody does, but I’m only on, basically the only thing I use is TikTok and I am Selma. Your big or Selma your lawyer. Big sis. Sorry. But yes, that is the only account I really use. I do have an Instagram, but it is like purely just family and people from college, like friends.

So it’s like very private. Right. I always feel bad because a lot of people from TikTok migrate over there. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: And I’m like, I’m sorry, I wanna keep this private. Um, and it’s not like that personal, it’s just that like some of the people that. I talk about that have given me permission, aren’t on my Instagram, and I just wanna like, protect their privacy.

Yes. Um, but I do like a lot of like attorney talk. I do a lot of my own story times that most of ’em are not about weddings, not my content. Um, but yeah, it’s just kind of, I had like a while there I, where I was posting a lot about Indianapolis, um, but then people started accusing me of being paid by the city for tourism.

I mean really, I was just like, I thought this was what everybody did. Like if I like a place, I’m gonna shout it out. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: But yeah, that’s primarily, it’s like fun for me. TikTok I think is a lot of fun. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Salma: Um, and so that is the only mode of social media I use because it’s the only one that brings me joy.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love it. I feel like tiktoks like a fun, easy way to like start making content too. ’cause it’s just like, I don’t know. At least for me, I felt like a lot of the pressure was off. Like Instagram is like. I dunno the idea of Instagram still, like I, I post on there now, but like when I first started years ago, it’s just like that, like picture perfect.

Like everything is very like Instagram models and I’m like, I don’t know about that. But now I think it’s changing a little bit, but tiktoks definitely more, less, less pressure like that. Well, awesome. Like I said, it was so nice meeting you and I loved your story. I think it’s really important for more people to hear that kinda story.

So I’m hoping this reaches new ears and they can find and follow your content and learn more of your awesome advice. 

Salma: Perfect. Thank you so much. 

Christa Innis: Thank you.

by Christa Innis

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