My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
She invited the EX… to the engagement party. No, seriously.
In this episode, I’m joined by one of my closest friends and my maid of honor, Ivette, and we dive into a “simple” guest list boundary that spirals fast into pressure, guilt-tripping, and family members who just won’t take no for an answer. We break down why weddings seem to bring out the most chaotic behavior and what it actually looks like to stay grounded when everyone has an opinion.
Plus, with Ivette’s perspective as a therapist, we get real about marriage, accountability, and why the real test isn’t the wedding, it’s how you show up for your partner when things get messy.
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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Therapy Meets Wedding Drama – Ivette shares real insights on how couples grow when they stop blaming each other and start taking accountability.
- The Guest List That Wouldn’t Die – One bride sets clear boundaries… and her family keeps pushing anyway.
- “We’ll Pay for It” Pressure – When money becomes leverage—and why that’s not the real issue.
- Boundary Setting 101 – Why couples need to align first before inviting outside opinions into big decisions.
- Stepmom Sabotage Story – An engagement party turns shocking when the ex shows up… invited by the mother.
- Emotional Manipulation Escalates – From guilt-tripping to rewriting reality, the drama goes way beyond the wedding.
- Red Light, Green Light Moments – From social media oversharing to themed dress codes—what’s actually okay?
- Real Talk on Marriage Foundations – Why choosing your partner (especially in hard moments) matters more than anything.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “You can’t have someone tell you how to make it work, they’re not in your marriage.” – Christa Innis
- “You and your partner need to get on the same page first, then invite other people in.” – Christa Innis
- “It’s not about the money, that’s not the problem. It’s about the boundary.” – Christa Innis
- “If someone hates you and offers to host your party? Immediate no.” – Christa Innis
- “Weddings bring in all these outside opinions and that’s where the drama starts.” – Christa Innis
- “I’m not here to fix anything, I’m here to hold up a mirror.” – Ivette
- “When people stop pointing fingers and take ownership, that’s when change happens.” – Ivette
- “They’re not going to learn it until they’re ready.” – Ivette
- “That’s not really authentic, and you’ll look back and wonder why you did it.” – Ivette
- “I would feel so small knowing my mother-in-law invited my husband’s ex. That would kill me.” – Ivette
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Ivette
Ivette is more than a returning guest, she’s part of Christa’s inner circle and stood by her side as matron of honor. As a mom, wife, and psychotherapist, she brings thoughtful perspective, emotional insight, and a little unfiltered honesty to the mic.
She’s all about conversations that actually matter whether that’s relationships, boundaries, or the realities behind wedding dynamics. With her mix of warmth, humor, and real-life experience, Ivette isn’t afraid to say what others are thinking… and maybe give a little advice along the way.
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no. I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw through my stepmother’s behavior. My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. Oh. She’s talking about the future wife. She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough. Ugh. Hi, Ivette. Welcome back on the pod.
Ivette Bracken: Thanks.
Christa Innis: I thought
Ivette Bracken: so. Happy to be here.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I thought it was time that you came back. I feel like it’s like once, uh, is this your fourth time now?
Ivette Bracken: I think so, yeah.
The Truth About Couples Therapy: It’s Not What You Think
Christa Innis: I think it’s like once a quarter. It’s just, yeah. Only right. That you come back on. Um, and, uh. Yeah, I mean, like what’s, what’s new since the last time?
It’s, it’s like what’s new for the audience versus what’s new since I saw you two days ago. So,
Ivette Bracken: um, well, we just moved, uh, into a new home, so that’s kind of exciting. But then also, um, just, you know, I, I think I told you last time, like I’ve gotten a new job and that’s exciting and I have a lot of clients.
So I’m a therapist and I get to work with little kids and adults and, and I’ve also been working with married couples now, and so that’s been fun. A little challenging, but yeah, exciting. Exciting for sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s awesome. Do you feel like that’s like, kind of like been a new stage in your work now?
Like, like as you kind of started it was more individuals and now it’s more couples?
Ivette Bracken: Well, I would say I still focus on like kids, adolescents. Really. I think my heart is like teenagers, right? Like I just love working with teens.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Ivette Bracken: But, um, I was, you know, I was like, why not? Like, I love marriage and, and I think marriage is hard and beautiful and, and there’s so many great parts to it.
And so I thought it would be exciting to walk alongside with people. And so it hasn’t been easy, right? But then just remembering like, Hey, I’m. I am not the one that can kind of change things for these people. It’s really up to them. And if there is change at the end of the day, it’s because they want it.
So, yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Ivette Bracken: it’s pretty cool. Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: I love that. No, I feel like that’s good and I feel like people are always looking for that kind of. It’s like an outside perspective, but you make a good point about like, it has to come from within. Like you can’t have someone tell you like, you need to make this work and you do it this way because ultimately they’re not in the marriage.
Right. So what do you do when someone kind of going down on, we’re gonna turn down this road over here. Um, what do you do when someone like comes to you with like. Like marital issues or like, like how can you tell a couple’s really willing to like, work together? Or are you kinda like, like what’s like that next?
Ivette Bracken: Yeah,
Christa Innis: yeah.
Ivette Bracken: So really the way that I set it up is like, hey. People come to therapy, they come to couples counseling because they think it’s like, oh, you’re gonna fix everything. And I’m like, no, that, that is like so opposite from what I do. I’m like, really, this space, I’m kind of this, this person that’s, that gets to be here along the ride.
But really I’m, I’m kind of holding up a mirror and I’m, and I’m allowing, allowing each individual to reflect and see like, how do I show up for this other person? How do I show up in the relationship? And I think when I know that a couple is ready, right? They stop pointing fingers at the other person and they start taking ownership and responsibility for the choices that they’re making.
And so it is, it’s really hard when it know you’re trying to point out the patterns and you’re like, guys, like I see this happening over and over again, but it’s kind of like a toddler, right? If you’re like telling a toddler to like. Hey, don’t stand on the chair. You’re, you’re gonna fall. Like, don’t stand on the chair.
You’re gonna fall. And they just keep doing it. They’re like, I’m fine. I’m fine. And then finally they fall. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, well, they’ve like. Experience it. That’s they’re ready, like next time they’re gonna be like, okay, now I know not to do that because I’ve learned my lesson, but it’s, they’re not gonna know it until they’re ready for it.
If that, if that makes sense.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I was just saying that too. My husband Zach, um, the other day about like, you know, you always wanna like protect your kids and be like, don’t do that ’cause you’re gonna do, you’re gonna fall. But I’m like, half the things we tell her, I’m like, she has to do. Experience it through her own like lived experience to be like, wait, that’s not a good idea.
Obviously there’s some things like, we’re gonna be like, we’re gonna stop before it happens.
Ivette Bracken: Right?
Why Weddings Bring Out the Worst in People
Christa Innis: But there’s definitely those things. So I feel like that’s, that’s an interesting way to put it. It was like they have to be able to like walk that road and be like, oh, wait a second. Like, that’s not the way I wanna go.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So I feel like this is like, you’re, it’s an interesting thing to bring up, especially like in the podcast and like how we’re talking about like marriage and weddings and the drama and stuff. Because I feel like a lot of these issues that come up in these stories, like there is a lot of finger pointing, right?
And it’s like, of course the, I shouldn’t say like the drama that comes to me, it’s typically not about. The bride and group itself, the
Ivette Bracken: couple, right?
Christa Innis: It’s like not about the couple, it’s about all the exterior things that are bringing drama in. But you gotta think like with a wedding, a funeral movie, any kind of big moment in people’s lives bring on all these extra like stressors and conflicting relation or personalities.
And so I feel like that’s a lot of times the hardest part in a lot of these stories we read.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Um, kind of the outside opinions and then two, like if you wanted to present that to a couple, it’s like, okay, well then like how do you show up for your partner in this case?
Right? Like, how can you do that reflective work and like. Do you show up for them? Are you there to like say, oh no, this is now, this is my family now I need to tend to their needs and their feelings and their emotions because there kind of needs to be this. I wish, I wish people would have more conversations of like, Hey, mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever, extended family.
This is what our marriage is gonna look like. And these are, are the boundaries that we’ve established together. And I, I wish that was more of a norm. And not just with marriage, right? Like going into parenthood. Because what happens is like their opinions start to trickle in. Like all these things start to trickle in.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Ivette Bracken: And then you’re like really frustrated with. These people and you’re like, oh my gosh, I can’t, I can’t stand that. They’re always like giving their 2 cents when I don’t ask for it. But there was al, there was never that kind of like established boundary talk, right? That there was never this conversation.
And so I’m, I’m hoping that that’s kind of the direction that we’re gonna move, especially like our generation experience experiencing this firsthand and being like. Well, I wanna be that person for when my kids get married, but like, I wanna ask my daughter and their, and her husband, like, hey, like what is okay and what’s not okay.
Right. Like, when is it okay for me to, to give advice? And so, yeah. Yeah. Another little tangent. Tangent.
Christa Innis: No, I love that though, because I, that really lines into like the things we see because, I mean, like, boundaries I feel like are so important. And then when people send, you know, stories to me about like.
We’re planning our wedding and like we’ve been so happy. We’re so excited, but. His mom or her sister, or you know, whatever, whoever’s coming in, they say, we need to do it this way, we need to do that. And so I always constantly say like, you and your partner need to get on the same page first, then invite other people in when you want and for what you want.
So not just like, Hey everyone, we’re having a wedding day. Tell us whatever opinion you have. Or, Hey, we’re about to have a baby. Tell us your favorite opinion. Um, it’s like, this is what we’re doing. Oh, hey, I actually have a question about this. What’s your experience? Um, because I think, I think it’s, so maybe it’s like the previous generation was like all they really had was their moms coming in or their parents coming in saying, this is what you do, this is how you raise a baby.
’cause that’s what we did, because now we’re learning, okay, let’s kind of have a little safe zone and like with our family, our partner, um, and learn what makes sense for our family first, and then kind of invite that in.
Ivette Bracken: Right. Right. And I love that. I love that for, for a lot of different reasons. So,
Christa Innis: yeah.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I feel like I kind of went on a little, um, tangent too, but I love that.
Ivette Bracken: Okay.
Christa Innis: so, so I wanted to start with like a little like wedding dilemma that someone sent me. I say a little, it’s, it’s. It’s medium sized. Okay. Um, and then we’ll have our red light, green light. So let’s get into this. Okay. For context, I’m an only child, the oldest cousin and the oldest granddaughter.
Because of that, a lot of people have given us unsolicited suggestions about the wedding. Perfect tie in right here.
Yeah.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah.
Guest List Drama: The Battle of “Sister Jane”
Christa Innis: I’m getting married in September and we sent out final RSVPs and invitations a little over a month ago. From the beginning, I made it clear to my family that we were only inviting people we know and have a relationship with.
My aunt Gina mentioned that someone from her church, sister Jane, would definitely come. I told her that I don’t personally know this person and we are only inviting people that we have a relationship with. She said, okay, I understand. Fast forward to August. We’ve had several difficult conversations and have been very firm with our boundaries, so Good.
Good on them. Good
Ivette Bracken: for them. Yeah,
Christa Innis: that’s, I feel like that’s the hardest part, is just like reaffirming, like this is what we’re doing.
Ivette Bracken: Right.
Christa Innis: Then I went to church and saw someone who had an RSVP. She’s over 80, so I wasn’t upset. I asked if she would still like to come. She said yes and was very excited.
Right after that, my Aunt Gina turns to her and says, oh, is brother so-and-so coming right in front of me. I quickly stepped in and clarified that. Only she was invited. Then change the subject to ask what she wanted to eat. After that, I made a clear statement to my Aunt Gina, my parents, the woman and the other person from church.
I said that only the people present there that day were invited to the wedding. My Aunt Gina immediately made a face, turned to my dad. My dad said, don’t worry, we’re going to talk to her later. My dad pulled me aside and told me that Jane is a kind, caring person. I told him, I’m sure that’s true, but I still don’t have a relationship with relationship.
Then he said, we’ll give you the money. Implying that they would cover the cost if we invited her. I told him I needed to talk to my fiance. I hate this. ’cause now this, this woman, like she’s got these strong boundaries, but they’re like poking. They’re like, come on, she’s kind. We’ll pay for her. And I hear people are like, oh, we’re not having kids at the wedding or we’re not inviting, extended.
Mm-hmm. They’re like, well, we’ll pay for it. It’s like, that’s not the problem.
Ivette Bracken: Right. I think I, yeah, I think the fact that they’re like the, the tricky part is like we’ll pay for it. I’m trying to put myself in those shoes and I can be such a people pleaser, so I’d be like, you, well, yeah, you’re paying for it.
I guess it’s fine. And it would kind of like give me that excuse to like bring it up to my person. Right. But at the end of the day, it’s like. This is a very intimate moment, right? Like this is supposed to be where everyone has like a different, you know, kind of vision for their wedding. Mm-hmm. But really it’s like this beautiful moment of like two people becoming one and this random lady who’s just like, wants to go there.
I don’t what, like what would her. Like, does she even want to go like,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Ivette Bracken: like I’m thinking about her, like she’s probably like, oh, they invited me and now I have to go buy a present and like, I don’t even know her. Or, right. Like what’s, I mean, I think about that person too and I’m like, do they even really wanna go?
Or is it just like, you know, mom and dad, it’s like, oh, well this is our friend and we want them to be there, but I don’t think that does anything for the, in. Not invited slash invited person. Yeah. And the bride in your room, right? Like
Christa Innis: Totally. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I think the same way. ’cause I’m like, why are you like going to bat for this person who maybe doesn’t even know the wedding’s happening or doesn’t care, like if they’re invited or not?
Like I’ve seen that time and time again where they’re like, no, this person has to be invited.
Ivette Bracken: Right.
Christa Innis: I, yeah, I don’t know if it like has to do with like appearances too. Like they wanna make sure like mm-hmm. Inviting people from the church when you invite all our main people from church, you know? ’cause
Ivette Bracken: Yeah,
Christa Innis: that can be uncomfortable to be like, oh, well my daughter’s only inviting you and you because she knows you.
So sorry. But yeah, that’s one of those challenges,
Ivette Bracken: right? You think people would be more understanding, but.
Christa Innis: Yeah. She said, my fiance and I discussed it and decided we were not inviting Jane. I told my parents over dinner, they were upset, but they tried to understand. My dad said he would talk to Jane. Okay.
So I’m guessing Jane knows. So she’s like, she wanted to
Ivette Bracken: go. She wanted,
Christa Innis: oh my gosh. Then my Aunt Gina texted me and apologized just when I thought everything was resolved. She sent another message. Asking if I would serve as a security guard at my cousin’s wedding if she asked me to. What?
Ivette Bracken: Oh no, the timing of it is terrible.
Like,
Christa Innis: yeah, she’s like, yeah. So I know there’s this wedding stuff with your wedding, but can you come over here please? Um, she said I was very confused and told her I didn’t understand what she meant. I showed the text to my dad. He asked if I might be, if it might be because my cousins are greeters. I said maybe he suggested that she might think my cousins should have higher ranking roles than just attending as guests, but I said they were fine just being greeters.
So she’s trying to be like, you can have a role at this wedding if. You know, they can have a role, right?
Ivette Bracken: Be a security guard. You can stand outside during the ceremony and then, you know, give, give them a role too.
Christa Innis: So wild how people envision other people’s weddings and how they should do things, right. Um.
I, I hope this is a reminder to me that like when and if my daughter chooses to marry that, I’m like, tell me where you need me. Like, like that’s how my mom was, my mother-in-law, like I’m very lucky. They were both like, you tell me where you need me. I can do this, I can do this. Like, they never like crossed a boundary.
So I’m like very grateful for that because I read stories like this and I’m like, how do you even respond to someone that’s like, okay, so this person will be your flower girl. This person will be this.
Ivette Bracken: Right. Or like those like monster in law stories, which I’m sure you get a bunch of like,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Ivette Bracken: that’s, that’s my nightmare.
But, but yeah, I, I agree. Ugh.
Christa Innis: Um, he then said she might just be trying to find things to be upset about because she’s uncomfortable that Jane isn’t invited. This is Jane. A few days later, my mom brought up Sister Jane again, even though we had already talked everything through. She said Jane wanted to attend to support my dad and show appreciation.
I responded that if her intention is to support my dad, she can do that without attending my wedding. My mom finally agreed. My dad said he would speak to Jane and would support my fiance and my decision 100%. So all this to say, Jane is still not coming, but I still don’t know what to do with my cousins, if they will, if they will be greeters or not.
Ivette Bracken: So basically they weren’t assigned the role of graders prior to this.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Right. Okay. The aunt’s kind of being like, Hey, do you wanna be this at this wedding? Um, yeah,
Ivette Bracken: yeah. I, that’s another no, like, do what you envision. ’cause later on what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna look back and say like, why did I even do that?
You know, like, sure. If, if they offer you and you wanna be a security guard. Sure. Right, if that’s what you wanna do for them. But that doesn’t necessarily mean like, hey, I guess now I have to have them be a part of my, my wedding. ’cause one that’s not really authentic. And then two, you’re gonna look back at pictures and be like, why did I do that?
You know?
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that’s like with um, wedding parties too. I feel like you hear a lot of times they’re like, well, I was in their wedding so they should be in mine. And I’ve heard that all the time. ’cause it’s like you feel like you kind of owe them. Mm-hmm. At the end of the day though too, it’s like it’s a big ask to have someone in your wedding too.
Like they’re gonna be spending money taking time off work or whatever that looks like. So you, at the end of the day, you really just have to ask for. Look at your partner and be like, what do we want? Um, kinda like what I was just saying, but it sounds like they have really good boundaries. So I mean, like props to them for that.
Yeah. It, it sucks that it constantly is getting crossed and constantly getting tested. Right. But I’m glad you guys are staying firm because I don’t know what I would do if someone constantly kept pushing that same boundary like. You just, none of you can come. I don’t know, like why, and,
Ivette Bracken: and offered solutions to like the tension, right?
Like that’s kind of what makes it harder to be like No. Yeah. So yeah. Good for them.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Ivette Bracken: I don’t, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to to do that. I see this now, like, yeah, don’t do that. But I don’t know if I would’ve been able to do that. Yes.
Red Flags, Green Lights & Wedding Hot Takes
Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I’d be curious to see if it’s ever brought up again, or if on the wedding day they’re like, oh, sister Jane would’ve loved this, or, you know, picture to Jane.
Oh gosh. Okay. Um, let’s do a little red light, green light. I can’t remember if we did this last time when you were here or not, but it’s basically like, oh. Say a statement and you say if it’s like a good thing or a bad thing or like you, you agree with it. Okay. Hosting your entire wedding planning drama on social media.
Ivette Bracken: Oh, red light. No. No. Why?
Christa Innis: Can we talk about, have you seen like there has been so many on both sides of vendors and like brides or groomed. Posting like some kind of wedding drama and it backfiring because they weren’t telling the whole truth. Like there was one with a bride where she was like, my makeup was ruined.
She did that on TikTok. She wiped it off and she’s like, I’m doing it myself. The makeup artist like spoke and she is like, she never once told me she didn’t like anything. I had no clue. Like I’m mortified. And then there was a photographer that this happened to where she like tagged the photographer and she was like, oh, she did a horrible job on my photos.
And all she did was share just blurry photos. But the photographer was like, that’s like part of her aesthetic. Like it didn’t, you looked at the whole album, it looked beautiful. Right. So I’m team like. Don’t do that because it’s gonna, it’s gonna backfire. Like it’s just, yeah.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I mean, AMAs, that’s like your line of work and you’re like, these, what is it?
The real, the Housewives of Mormon, whatever, you know, the Mormon wives,
Christa Innis: the Housewives of Mormon wives, wives of Mormon wives.
Ivette Bracken: So unless your life is to like produce drama and entertain, entertain people, don’t do it. Yeah. Like, don’t do it.
Christa Innis: How about, yeah, don’t post about it, but send it to me anonymously and we’ll react to it on the podcast and then give on, yeah.
This way you’re anonymous so you can see what side people are on because that, that is a helpful thing is like, ’cause then I’ll post a story and people will be like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. So then you’re anonymous, you’re safe, but we can kind of discuss.
Ivette Bracken: And then we will tell you like, are you crazy or not?
Like, who are right?
Christa Innis: Yes. Yes. Um, a parent trying to control the guest list because they’re helping pay,
Ivette Bracken: oh, red light. Red light. And again, I, it’s easier said than done, but like. That’s a gift. You don’t, you don’t get to give someone like a shirt and say, well you can, you have to wear it every Saturday. Like, no.
Right. So,
Christa Innis: and I always say it’s mutual respect because if someone that you mutual respect with the person and they want to help, then I’m like, yes, invite. Whoever you want to the wedding, right? It’s like, what if it’s someone that’s like, been rude to you and they’re just like dangling money by a string and they’re like, oh, let me help pay for it and invite Sister Jane, you know, whatever.
Then that’s a different situation. Um, couples asking guests to wear specific color palette,
Ivette Bracken: um, green light. You like that? I, I like to see it. Um, as a guest I would be like. I might be a little annoyed by it, but no, I love aesthetically like things that are beautiful and good looking, and I get it and
Christa Innis: I, I would love to go to like a themed wedding like that, or like a color palette.
I’ve never have. I think I personally would like it ’cause I get very overwhelmed with like, what’s the style, what’s this? And like I’ll have one dress, I’m like, is this too formal? Is this too dark of a color? And so I feel like I would love that. Um,
Ivette Bracken: I would, I think that’d be the pictures that are gonna look great for the bride in the groom, but also like, it’s just a color.
It’s not saying like, you have to buy the most fanciest stress, you know, at the most expensive store. It’s just a color.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Destination weddings that require three days of events.
Ivette Bracken: Um, you the require bit, that’s a lot to ask for. That’s, that’s a red light or Yeah, a red light, I think. I think like, Hey.
We’ve done this, we’ve planned these events out for these days. We’re gonna be there if you guys wanna come. You are welcome to come, but you can’t be offended if someone’s not gonna spend $3,000 for your wedding. Like, yeah. Did they even spend that on their own wedding, right? No. Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: Right. And I don’t like the whole like yeah, the required thing.
That’s okay. Um. And I don’t like the whole required thing, like you said.
Okay. I’m gonna do one more. Okay. Um, ooh, these are like really good. So I wanna do two more. Okay. One more. What are your thoughts on couples sharing a social media account? I,
Ivette Bracken: um, I’m indifferent. Sure. I don’t care. It’s.
Um, I, I’m torn red light because why do you need, why do you need to share an account on social media but green light? ’cause my hope is that people that do share it like don’t really. Care enough to like have an, I don’t know, to have like person, I don’t know how to explain it.
Christa Innis: I think it’s one of those things where it’s like if you really did choose together, like honestly, and you’re like, or maybe one of you guys don’t really care about social media and it’s like, let’s just do a family one or joint one order, because I’ve seen that before where it’s like a family one.
Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: Where I have seen it. Be kind of questionable is where it’s a control thing where maybe one doesn’t trust the other. So they’re like, all the messages are coming through here. We’re only on one. You’re not allowed to have your own social media. So that’s where I’m like, okay, if they decide together, sure.
But like, whatever Doesn’t hurt me if you do that. But yeah,
Ivette Bracken: I, I agree with you. And I think that’s why I said green light, because I’ve actually seen the opposite of that, so that’s why I’m like, no. Yeah, it’s fine. Doable. Okay. Fine.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Alright. Um. Last. Okay, last one. Last one. We’re using last. We’re using a bridesmaid dress from another wedding.
Ivette Bracken: Fine freely. I don’t, I don’t. I don’t mind. It’s it.
Christa Innis: Please do.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Save money. If you love it. You look good in it. It feels good. Do it.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I always tell people how you got your dress for my wedding. I think, wasn’t it like half off? So it was like 50 bucks I think.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah, it was like a whole thing with mine.
I don’t remember. I was, I was pregnant, I was trying to figure out my size. I didn’t like the dress. They sent me two wrong ones and then I ended up being like half off. And I,
Christa Innis: yeah, I was like, you’ve ordered, you ended up ordering it during like a sale or something and it like worked. The timing ended up working out.
But yeah, there was a lot of, it was a lot of back and forth ’cause we were like, I think I went over to bring your. Jacket and you were like, oh my gosh, the dress I ordered. ’cause you ordered your dress like right away, right? And you’re like, oh my gosh, so much has changed since then. Um, but yeah. But yeah, I’m like, I wouldn’t care as a bride, like please use a, a dress you already have if it works
Ivette Bracken: right.
The Stepmom Story That Sounds Fake… But Isn’t
Christa Innis: Let’s get into this week’s story reaction, which honestly I think the dilemma was longer than this. So I think we’re good on time. Okay. Um, hi. Long time fan. I figured I’d send this to you because I think it’s a pretty crazy story. My stepmother is well crazy, like over the top, wild, and extremely narcissistic.
No one is immune from her chaos. She has two sons. Her oldest is very devoted to her. He even bought her, bought a house 10 doors down from where she lived, so he could always wait. She bought, I know. I’m like, wait, no. He bought the house so that he could always be near to take care of her. So she’s like expecting that, I guess.
She and his father divorced when he was in high school, so he chose to attend a local college to make sure that she would still be taken care of.
Ivette Bracken: Oh, no.
Christa Innis: While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no. I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw through my stepmother’s behavior.
Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. Oh. She’s talking about the future wife. She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough. Ugh. Because she knows she’s not gonna get 100% of his attention anymore. That’s right. She strongly preferred his previous girlfriend and even stayed in touch with her for years.
I’m again, I’m probably just jumping the gun, but it’s probably because that one like bowed down to her and was like,
Ivette Bracken: yes, yes, absolutely. Really
Christa Innis: clean. I’m just here. It’s fine.
Ivette Bracken: Ugh.
Christa Innis: When the couple got engaged, my stepmother volunteered to host their engagement party and she invited the ex.
Ivette Bracken: I knew it. I knew that’s what was coming.
This the nerve. How dare you.
Christa Innis: Even more so. Obviously we don’t know yet. The girlfriend comes, ex-girlfriend. Why would you like go to that? I would be like, no, thank you. Like any normal person would be like, no.
Ivette Bracken: Like, do you not love your son? Like, don’t you want it to be a good experience for him? I can’t. I can’t.
My heart just sank. I just feel like all of my own insecurities came up for myself and like, yeah. I would feel so small, even just knowing that my mother-in-law invited my now husband’s ex to anything. Yeah, that would kill me.
Christa Innis: She now made it Her party. Yeah. The stepmother made it her party and made you just like a wall, like you’re basically just like a side there because you’re, she made it so you weren’t comfortable in her home, basically.
Terrible. Then the cake was brought out. Oh no. Oh no. I just read a hug. Then the cake was brought out. It had the ex-girlfriend’s name on it, not the fiance’s. So she is literally trying to sabotage their whole thing.
Ivette Bracken: Okay. I kind of, when you said cake, that’s what I thought, but I was like, there’s no way.
There’s no way. But
Christa Innis: are you kidding? That is wild. See, and also like, again, I am reading it like. As an outsider person, but the second I knew if someone I knew hated me, that hated me was offering to host my party immediately, no. Immediately, no. ’cause they don’t have your best interest. They are not gonna like, think about you and your partner, they’re gonna think about ways to like to sabotage you in the wedding.
Ivette Bracken: Yes.
Christa Innis: So I would be saying no to that. I’m not going to that party. There’s no way like.
Ivette Bracken: And at the same time, I wanna give this like the, the bride like this. Maybe she was kind of trying to be the bigger person and give her that benefit of the doubt and that, and it totally backfired. You know what I mean?
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Ivette Bracken: That’s horrible.
Christa Innis: Ugh. So I’m trying to remember. Okay. So, okay, so the, um, the person that wrote this story in, it’s her stepmother. Then it’s like her son. Okay,
Ivette Bracken: so she was there. She’s like,
Christa Innis: they’re seeing it like, yes. And so I’m guessing, well, maybe that’s why. So her dad is the one that divorced now, so she’s.
Single as the wedding approached, she repeatedly tried to convince her son not to marry this f his fiance. She threatened not to attend the wedding and even offered to pay for an entirely different wedding if he would change his mind. She pulled in anyone she could to try to persuade him otherwise. She even even telling him that his grandmother was distraught and hated the fiance.
Because when someone, someone goes low, if someone’s low like that, they wanna bring everyone down with them. They can’t stand to see people happy or the people’s like proud or on another side.
Ivette Bracken: No.
Christa Innis: The wedding eventually took place, though she was clearly upset about it. The newly married couple left for their honeymoon in Hawaii early the next morning.
That same day, the grandmother passed away in her sleep. She had a history of heart problems. My stepmother immediately began telling everyone that the grandmother died of a broken heart because, because her grandson had gone through with the marriage.
Ivette Bracken: Wait,
Christa Innis: a put that on your grand, like your son, right?
Ivette Bracken: This, this, who is this woman? Send me your details. Like, I can’t believe her. That is horrible. Like, oh no. Like
Christa Innis: she’s like dealing with something from the divorce or something where she’s like holding onto her kids and like thinking that what, what is that term of like enmeshment where she’s like, they are me, I am them.
And if they, sorry, that’s a therapist term. I’m not a therapist. I shouldn’t use that.
Ivette Bracken: I was the whole time. I’m thinking like, how would I even do a session with them? This is insane.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I feel like that she’s so caught up in, they belong to me, whatever I say they should be doing, and Oh, grandmother died because of you.
It’s your fault.
Ivette Bracken: Oh man.
Christa Innis: Wow. She even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency. Can you do that?
Ivette Bracken: This sounds, this sounds crazy. This sounds, are we sure this is real?
Christa Innis: I don’t know. I, okay. There’s been times where people send us stories and I’m like, did they like ai?
This, this sounds so fake to me, but then I’ll like share the story and people are like, no, this thing happened to me. Unless, this was like years ago. Oh wait, this was the early nineties. I just saw it. This was the early nineties. She wrote it. I’m like, I’m thinking of like friends, even though Me too.
Ivette Bracken: That’s exactly what I thought of.
Christa Innis: I guess they had cell phones at the end of friends, but in the early nineties, you know, you didn’t have cell phones, so you would’ve had to have called.
Ivette Bracken: Right.
Christa Innis: Emergency. I guess that’s how you had to do it.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Gosh. And because I was like, it’s funny, I was doing like a skit recently and I was like, it was supposed to be in the nineties, and I was like, wait, if a car accident happened, you wouldn’t have a cell phone.
So I’m like, Googling. I was like, what would’ve been there? And it was like, oh, there was more pay phones or like you could, you know, have like an emergency, like tow truck would come by, you know, whatever. And I was like, that’s, you know, you just kind of forget. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, I guess that makes more sense.
It’s still crazy, but it makes more sense that it was the nineties. Yeah,
Ivette Bracken: it’s still crazy. It does make more sense. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So you have no way of like calling or texting them. Um, she even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency and that he needed to call immediately.
’cause this was the early nineties when he called, she demanded that he come home because according to her, he had killed his grandmother. That’s how she worded it.
The Real Issue: When Your Partner Doesn’t Choose You
Christa Innis: Years later when the younger son, who was her pride and joy of life was getting married for the second time, she caused more chaos. She told his fiance that she liked her so much more than his first wife because she thought the first wife was unattractive.
That and that it was no wonder he had cheated on her so many times. Okay, so the suns aren’t great either, or that sun.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah, no, I can see where they get it from.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The fiance did not know that infidelity had been the cause of the divorce. Okay,
Ivette Bracken: well
Christa Innis: that’s on him.
Ivette Bracken: That’s a whole nother issue.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Like he should have been honest with her about that. So yeah, you can be mad at the stepmom about that, but he should have told her that. Yeah. She then told the fiance that the entire family was secretly planning to leave the rehearsal dinner early so they could have a dinner with the first wife because they all liked her better.
This was not true. The rehearsal dinner ended in complete chaos. When the fiance left in distress, the wedding almost didn’t happen at all, and the son initially banned his mother from attending. Eventually, he relented and the wedding went ahead as planned. His wife now avoids interacting with his side of the family unless absolutely necessary.
So she botched not one, but two weddings.
Ivette Bracken: Right.
Christa Innis: And we don’t know what happened with that first wife’s wedding, if that
Ivette Bracken: Right. I just, I, I just, I feel for these women that like. You don’t really realize how much of an impact that makes. Like Yeah, like the, the wedding, that’s obviously, that’s horrible, but like long term you don’t have support, you don’t have like your village.
What happens when there’s kids like these poor, these poor girls, like I. Even just hearing this, I already said this, but I feel so small. Like I would not wanna feel that way on my wedding day. You know? I would want to feel accepted and, and I guess that makes them strong for, for being able to like, go through with this, right?
And being like, no, I love this person. And that just means that we’re gonna have to do our lives without them and have some boundaries. But, wow. Just,
Christa Innis: yeah. And you said something earlier that made me think about like. In these moments. That’s when the fiance, I think the partner, whoever has the challenging family at the time, right?
Mm-hmm. They really need to step up and be like, I choose you. I’m on your side. We’re in this together. Because if they are not in those challenging moments, that’s when it’s gonna falter. I think, and I’ve gotten a lot of stories where like I’m read as I’m reading it, I’m like, this seems like a bad Oman.
Like something. And then later they’re like, and we got divorced. We didn’t, we didn’t last. Because if you’re gonna constantly have someone like that. Where the fiance or the now the husband or wife hasn’t fully chosen you, right? And they’re still going back to like their family who like hates you or talks about you in this negative light.
That marriage is gonna just be crumbling because you’re gonna be like, well, do they actually care? Are they gonna listen to what their family say?
Ivette Bracken: Right?
Christa Innis: As a whole, I feel like other layer of like complications for sure.
Ivette Bracken: It’s just a bad, a bad foundation to start on really like,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Ivette Bracken: yeah,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Ivette Bracken: yeah. That’s hard.
Christa Innis: I feel like if you don’t, which again, I’ve never been in that situation where you have to pick and choose.
Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: But in that situation, especially, let’s say this, this story, the stepmother, or I guess it’s his mom, but if you don’t cut her out, she’s going to make sure your marriage fails. Oh yeah. So still you like make that firm cut.
Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: So you will constantly find a way to get in there. So you did make your choice and stick through it. I mean, this ha she didn’t mention anything about them staying married or anything like that, so, or not, so I don’t know how it worked out, but.
Ivette Bracken: Well, the good, good job for you girls, because I couldn’t have done it.
They did it good for them. And you know, I’m just like, hopefully they’re still together and hopefully those boundaries are up, right? Mm-hmm. Because that’s. Wow. I feel like this was like a, a nineties movie.
Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I’m like picturing like running through the airport and Yeah. Oh my gosh. That’s funny that we both thought of friends friends right away.
I like saw her like Should I get off the plane? Yeah, I plane. There’s a problem with the phang. Oh, that’s what it is. Phoebe calls, right?
Ivette Bracken: Oh yes.
Christa Innis: Phoebe calls the airport or she calls her phone ’cause she has cell phone. That has to be in like 2000. Was that 2001?
Ivette Bracken: I think the show started 2002. I wanna say
Christa Innis: ended in 2002.
Ivette Bracken: Sorry. It ended in 2000? No, 2004. I think it ended because I think it started in 94.
Christa Innis: That’s
Ivette Bracken: what are you googling?
Christa Innis: Yeah, I’m Googling 94 to to two to 2004. I can talk. That’s
Ivette Bracken: right.
Christa Innis: Sometimes I’m like, my mouth doesn’t work when I talk. That’s wild. Sport came out.
Ivette Bracken: Aw, I was too a little bit younger. I’m just kidding.
Christa Innis: Oh baby.
Ivette Bracken: It’s alright. We were both born in the 19 hundreds. We’re old now.
Christa Innis: I know. I’m so old. It’s funny, I turned on friends the other day, like I was like, I need to, like, I haven’t watched friends in so long and I was like, so much like still applies, but I still feel like they’re like really young. They, they’re supposed to be like early twenties I think in the beginning.
Yeah, like 22, 23. And I was like, they seemed like, they feel like older than me still though, because I watched it as a kid. So like they just seemed so like put together and like, I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s,
Ivette Bracken: but not put together at all.
Christa Innis: They’re not put together literally at all. But I still look at them. I’m like, oh my gosh, they’re so cool.
Alright, well that was a wild one. I just. I jumped right in there. Okay. I always like to end these with confessions that people send me on Instagram. So let’s see what we got this week.
Ivette Bracken: Good. I thought I had to confess something.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Did you plan your confession? One time? Actually, I had someone on and she’s like, I’ll, I’ll confess something.
And then she did and she was like, do you have anything? And I was like, uh um, I’ll think, I don’t know if I have anything. Where do I start? I. I can never think of anything like on the spot. I’m so bad with stuff like that. Okay. This week we asked what almost made you lose it at a wedding, but you played it.
Cool. Um, okay. This person said extra guest. My mother-in-law innocently said to my aunt, the, the whole family is invited. Grandson came with a plus one or mother-in-law said to his aunt or fiance’s aunt, I’m guessing. So everyone’s invited. Um, dad left and didn’t walk me down the aisle because I wouldn’t talk to my not invited mom.
That’s a whole story. Dunno what’s there.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah. Can you send Chris to the details please?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Send me what happened there. I feel like that’s, there’s so, there’s so little, I don’t know to like, respond to that. Mm-hmm.
Ivette Bracken: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: But either way, I don’t think a parent should leave a wedding. Um, food was two personal sized pizzas.
No choice for toppings for each table of eight people.
Ivette Bracken: Oh,
Christa Innis: that’s interesting. I mean, I love pizza personally, but if they only just gave like two little personal sized pizzas and you go to a wedding hungry, that’s the thing. You have to feed your guests.
Ivette Bracken: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I wouldn’t be mad if I was at a wedding and they just served pizza.
I’ve actually been to weddings where they had a food truck and it was pizza and it was amazing. Yeah, so, but you have to plan accordingly and have enough food.
Ivette Bracken: I think my kids are losing it. Gimme one second.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Ivette Bracken: Hey Allie and pri, I’m almost done. Okay. I told you I was gonna be in the office.
Christa Innis: Okay. We’ll do one last one, then we’ll close out here. Okay. Um, definitely lost it on my maid of honor. We’re still besties. I just didn’t want to pee with a crowd. I need more to that story.
Ivette Bracken: I’m, I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s going on.
Christa Innis: Why do you wanna pee with a crown? I don’t know. I’m wondering if it’s like maybe she had like a bridal suite and people kept coming in or something. I don’t know. Yeah, tell us more. Tell us more. These little snippets are not enough.
Ivette Bracken: That’s what I’m thinking.
Like she was like either in like one of those big stalls or like in her bridal suite and people are just coming in and out and she’s trying to tell her like, Hey, can you tell him? She’s like, no, no, it’s fine. It’s fine. They just need this or that.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Ivette Bracken: I guess we don’t know.
Christa Innis: I don’t know. Guess we’ll have to just make our own assumptions.
Um, all right. Well thank you so much for coming on today. Um, and it’s always, it’s always fun hanging out. I feel like I try to make them not super like formal, but then I like revert back. I’m like, thank you. It’s been fun today. Um, yeah. Thank you.
Ivette Bracken: I love being here. Thanks for having me. And then, um, maybe let’s not wait until, you know, quarter of a year has gone by.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Ivette Bracken: I know.
Christa Innis: It’s always also I’m like, we gotta get her back on. Um, but also it’s like, I see you in person. So then I’m like, that’s like our therapy session or like hang out friend therapy session. And then I’m like, oh yeah, we should get on the podcast. Maybe that’s why like when you’re on, I’m like, oh, I need to be like professional.
’cause I’m like, I don’t wanna like. Slip and say something and forget. I’m like, recording
Ivette Bracken: hang out. Right? Like, we don’t wanna just hang out kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t wanna just,
Ivette Bracken: I think we did that the first time and now we’re doing it again, so we can Well, we’ll stop.
Christa Innis: Yes, exactly. All right. Well thank you so much for coming on and, um, I guess this is it.
Ivette Bracken: This is it. I hope you like it.
Christa Innis: My brain is so like, full of everything. I’m just like, I don’t even know who I am or what I’m doing these days. All right. Bye bye.
Ivette Bracken: Love you, bye.