My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
The wedding drama that leaves everyone confused, even after hearing the full story.
What should have been a smooth, joyful wedding quickly takes a turn when a sister-in-law’s behavior starts to stand out. From tension leading up to the day to a moment at the reception that shifts the entire mood, the situation builds in a way no one quite understands in real time.
In this episode, Christa sits down with Salma Qaddourah, an attorney who shares her own experience navigating prenups, financial control, and the risks of entering a marriage without full transparency. Through both personal insight and professional perspective, she breaks down why these conversations matter early on.
Tune in as they unpack unclear intentions, shifting narratives, and the kind of wedding moments that reveal more than they seem to on the surface.
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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Conversation That Sparked It All – A casual prenup suggestion quickly reveals deeper issues around control, trust, and who gets to have influence in the relationship.
- The Slow Fade Friendship – Missed calls and unanswered texts turn into a quiet but intentional distance, with no real conversation to explain it.
- Uninvited Without a Word – After being heavily involved in the planning, Salma realizes she never received an invitation, confirming where she stands.
- Pre-Wedding Tension Builds – Travel stress, complaints, and small moments leading up to the wedding start to hint at bigger issues beneath the surface.
- The Reception Walkout – During the final songs of the night, a sister-in-law leaves early, shifting the tone of what should have been a celebratory ending.
- The Morning After Cold Goodbye – A rushed exit and a strange send-off leave the couple confused and questioning what went wrong.
- The Story That Keeps Changing – Multiple explanations surface after the wedding, but none of them fully make sense or take accountability.
- Red Light, Green Light Reality Check – From verbal agreements to risky decisions, a quick breakdown of common mistakes that can lead to bigger problems.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “It’s hard to protect what you don’t know.” – Salma Qaddourah
- “I would never be with someone who is so comfortable disrespecting my friends.” – Salma Qaddourah
- “There is a little bit of a risk there and people hate when I say that, but it is just a fact of life.” – Salma Qaddourah
- “I think the best thing you can do if you end up on the other side of it is just be accountable and make amends.”– Salma Qaddourah
- “An agreement doesn’t have to be this expensive or lengthy process.” – Salma Qaddourah
- “Women or stay-at-home parent need to be involved in the finances” – Christa Innis
- “Anything can happen, any life altering thing can happen.” – Christa Innis
- “ As long as you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries and what you will and will not stand for, I think that will make it easier. ” – Christa Innis
- “You need to be involved in the finances. You need to be 50/50.” – Christa Innis
- “If he’s controlling everything, he’s more looking at you like a housekeeper.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Salma
Salma Qaddourah is an attorney in Indianapolis, focusing on family and divorce law. She has seen how quickly things can shift when communication is overlooked in the lead-up to a wedding.
She shares insights drawn from both her professional experience and real-life situations, often focusing on the things people overlook before getting married. From prenups to financial awareness, her perspective is rooted in helping people think ahead and ask better questions.
It comes across like advice from a big sister who wants the best for you. Less about telling you what to do, more about making sure you are thinking things through.
Follow Salma Qaddourah:
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Salma: Hi,
Christa Innis: I am so excited to have you on. So now we’ll get to your story, but a little background is, I was scrolling on TikTok one day and you had a very interesting story when it comes to weddings and being uninvited as a wedding guest. And I know we’re gonna get to that of who you are.
But starting off, can you just say a little bit about what you do and then that’ll kind of lead into this story as well.
Salma: My name’s Salma Qaddourah. I am an attorney here in Indianapolis. I basically used to do a lot of divorce law. I have tethered off. I am very picky and choosy about much family law I will do at this point.
but that is primarily, I’m still in the attorney space. I have just tried to migrate off that a little bit because it tends to, Spring in the worst situations, if I may say
Christa Innis: That makes a lot of sense. I could see how it can, go that way, for sure. I wanna just jump into this story because I feel like we were kind of saying before recording is there’s a lot of lessons in it and it’s an interesting viewpoint that I think a lot of people don’t hear, right off the bat.
So let’s just start with the story. your poll on social media was about how you got uninvited as a wedding guest. So let’s just jump in.
A Six-Year Friendship That Felt Unbreakable
Salma: Perfect. So I had shared this story on my TikTok, but in my twenties I had this very good friend. Very, very good friend. I had been really good friends with her since I was 23.
I met her at a book club. And so basically, through the years, our big hobby was, during the winter we would go to this gym that had this track and we would just take these like two or three hour walks, and then in the summers and the springs, we would walk and just basically talk about life, do these things.
And I thought we had a pretty solid friendship. Like I felt really good about our friendship, like we did all our birthdays together and we had a really strong foundation. So ultimately when she would date these guys and she would tell me all the stories and eventually she met the guy she would end up marrying.
And so when they started dating, It was just basic, I’m not gonna share information.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: And so they had conversations about one, conversations you should have with your partner.
You should ask your partner like, what do you think our dynamics are gonna be? Or how do you see our dynamics like playing out kind of situation. And so they had sort of decided that once they got married, they would have more of a, I call it traditional, that’s kind of how it’s viewed in the media.
But she was a nurse and he had basically this self-employed startup healthcare business that had done very well.
Christa Innis: Hmm.
Salma: they had just sort of decided he would be like the breadwinner and she would raise the children, which is fine. And so when they got engaged, those conversations heightened. And so during our walks we were talking about like florals and she had sent out save the dates, and I had received a save the date and we had talked about like.
She had not planned on doing a bridal party, but we had planned on doing some sort of like intro, like who was gonna be at the sweetheart table. I mean, I was helping this woman plan her wedding.
Christa Innis: You were like, and so bride me without the title kind of thing.
Salma: Correct. And she wasn’t gonna have like a traditional bridal party.
So I didn’t really care. And I at this point we’re kind of like in early twenties and a lot of people at that point are maybe more willing to forfeit that. Like I’m starting to see that trend more. And so I’m just doing all this stuff and at some point I basically just said, Hey, I was thinking about it very casual, like it was not like a serious lawyer conversation.
And I think because you have a nurse and you do super well and you have your own money, if that is truly the plan, I think you should get a prenup. And so she’s like, really? And I was like, yeah. And so we have this like very friendly exchange. I kind of tell her like. These are some things I think you should ask for.
Like, it wouldn’t be that expensive. Like I’m just kinda giving her the lay down and she’s like super receptive to it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: Um,
Christa Innis: because,
Salma: and so I don’t,
Christa Innis: sorry to interrupt. Was he expecting her and was it like, was he expecting her like once they got married for her to kind of stop working and like he had kind of, was it his I know and you can stop me if you don’t wanna say too much either, but like was it his idea and his thing of being like, you’re gonna quit your job, I make too much money to quit mine.
Like more of a control thing you felt?
Salma: Yeah. I mean, I think to me, had she been someone, I’d have other friends who, when they get married, that is the plan for them. That is what they want. They want to be stay at home wives stay at home mothers for like one reason or another. Right. And that is perfectly fine.
But their conversations were more like. He said, I grew up in a household where my mom never worked after marriage, and she would do X, Y, z. Like, you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the housekeeping, like
Christa Innis: telling
Salma: her what he’s
Christa Innis: responsible for.
Salma: So like, he kind of laid it out and like, and her brain, she liked being a nurse, but she didn’t love being a nurse.
So she thought, okay, this is gonna be a fair trade off. And so I guess when she presented this idea, I’m sorry, it’s not funny. Um, when she presented this idea of a prenup to this man, he just kind lost his little mind. Like it became very much of a, you know, divorce is not an option for us. We would never get divorced.
I would never let you divorce me. This is just never gonna be. And I, I think some people can romanticize those kinds of statements. But I don’t find them romantic because I think to me it’s healthier to say, I hope we never end up in a situation where we have to part ways. I hope that is never in the cards for us, and I’m not going into this marriage with any intention of that happening, but if it does, and so he reacted poorly, but I was more offended because it didn’t even become like a, I can’t believe you would want this.
It also became a, well, your friend Selma is a nightmare and I can’t believe your friend Selma would say that. And just because Selma’s single doesn’t mean she needs to ruin our relationship. And he just started saying things to her that were so hurtful. And I’m not saying I expected her to like leave this man or whatever, but.
I would never be with someone who is so comfortable, like disrespecting my friends.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: So it was weird. He tried to turn it to like a look how happy we are and Salma just wants that. So she’s trying to tell you to do this thing that’s like this thing being the prenup, which just, which show that we are very insecure in our relationship and I really didn’t,
Christa Innis: words
Salma: I really think, and I think to me the worst part of it was that she drank the Koi.
Like I had known her for, I don’t know, I have six years by that point. Like I thought we had a more, you know, there’s obviously like our past criteria, she was just never someone I thought would do this. And so, as. Like basically very shortly after this, she started to be busy. She started to not make our weekly Sunday walks.
Silent Ghosting, Fallout, and 6 Years Later
She started to, and it’s okay to be busy, right? But like, wait, I mean you, the connection
Christa Innis: there,
Salma: you know, when you’re getting ghosted at some point.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: And I just started to see less and less of her. And like I would send her like a couple texts over the week and not hear back and then be like, everything okay?
And she’d be like, yeah, everything’s fine. And then we have a mutual friend, because that was also in the book club that I met her at. And you know, she basically is texting me about logistics for this wedding. And I realized I never got the, like, you know, after the Rs, like after the save the date and after everything you get the official like rsvp
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: Situation. I had never gotten that. And I was like, oh, this is like. For real, for real. And I realized she had privated me on her Instagram story, so I didn’t see any of the things she was doing, but she never came out and said like, I can’t be your friend anymore. Or there was never like that honest conversation.
Christa Innis: Right. Communication. Yeah. Like
Salma: it was also weird because normally with friend breakups, like you know, you have been dumped, right? Like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Salma: There is an event or a conversation. This was more just, I was trying to back off because I thought she was just really stressed with the wedding and with everything going on, and it was like, oh no, she’s like intentionally trying to not be my friend anymore and not invite me to this wedding.
And like obviously later I would learn more. But yeah, I was definitely. Then the wedding happened and our mutual friend was flabbergasted because our mutual friend was not as close to this girl as I was.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: So the fact that she was invited and I wasn’t was like, oh,
Christa Innis: that’s wild. And especially like you were there so much in the beginning to help her with everything you would think like just having a conversation like, so you, it makes me wonder like what kind of things he said about you to her, to make her like, like to manipulate her brain of being like, oh yeah, she’s not a good friend.
A good friend wouldn’t suggest a prenup because that means she doesn’t think we’re gonna last, or, you know, whatever That was that he’s saying that controlling language of, that’s wild. I mean it’s, it’s just, it sounds like someone that just wanted, like the guy, he just wanted her to like listen to everything he had to say and didn’t want anyone in there empowering her to maybe do go her own way a little bit.
Salma: Right. And so like, ultimately. Especially after I found out that I was not invited to this wedding, like the wedding happened, I was never brought into it. And between the ghosting, like the slow ghosting, you know how people quiet quit their jobs?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: Like I kind of felt like she was quiet, quitting our friendship.
Like it was just weird. And so I just didn’t try. I thought, you know what? If this is kind of how she sees me as a friend, or this is where I stand with her, there’s just no point. And obviously, like more recently, so this happened in my late twenties, so I feel like, you know, obviously COVID made me feel like my twenties were so long ago because COVID made everything feel much longer like that time period.
But so 20, 25 last year, I basically got this text message from her. And like I obviously don’t delete people’s phone numbers off my phone. I know some people have different policies, but I see that and I’m like, okay, this is like. I have not talked to this person in now six years ish. Like it was a long time.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: And so I get that text message and I’m like, nothing could be good. Like she is not reaching out to me because something good is going on in her life. Mm-hmm. And so I basically say like, she’s like, can we get on a call? I if you’re too busy, no problem, blah, blah, blah. I was like, no, we can get on a call.
I was nosy. I wanted to know what she was like. Like
Christa Innis: I need to know. Yes. Gimme the tea.
Salma: From a purely like maybe selfish perspective, I kind of had to know like why she would, because I had to take a lot for her to get there.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. That’s what I was thinking. To have ghosted someone knowing you were in the wrong when you did that you’ve never communicated, to then have to like put your tail between your legs and be like, Hey, can we talk?
Salma: I mean, it was. I felt validated that she knew that there was a possibility that I would still leave that door open. Like that made me feel like kind of good about what I put out there. But then at the same time, I obviously was a little guarded when she called. And so during that phone call I find out that he, like the marriage has not been good.
They have had these two children at this point. She has tried her very best to do anything and everything to try to stay in the marriage because she was like, not like a super traditional, but she came from like kind of a, you know, her parents were still together, her siblings were still with their spouses.
Like she came from something where I think there was like the shame around just saying like, this has been right. And so at that point, the divorce had not been filed yet. She just wanted to know what her options were from a purely legal standpoint. I think what troubled me the most is I’m trying to have basic conversations with her about, okay, like what are roughly the expenses of the household?
Do you know what roughly he brings in salary wise? And the inability to answer any of those questions with any sort of certainty was really disheartening. Like, how did we end up here where you don’t have any control of the finances and you don’t actually know all the user’s names and passwords on all of the accounts, and you are now put in a position that it is hard to protect what you don’t know.
It is hard to, and ultimately in that situation, I told her, look, there is a, I said, why do you think that this is leading to divorce? And she just said his behavior is in like, I wanna keep trying, but I don’t, I don’t feel good about it. Um. Ultimately he was the one who filed for divorce against her
Christa Innis: wild.
The guy that doesn’t believe in divorce or were never getting a divorce. Mm-hmm.
Salma: He filed against, like, not against her, it’s not an against, but he filed for divorce to not be married to her anymore. And so those proceedings were very tough because he was self-employed. So there’s no W2 employer that you can call.
Christa Innis: Right.
Salma: Uh, she didn’t have any, he had done a really good job of moving money around, putting money in family members’ names and I was
Christa Innis: actually made,
Salma: yeah. So I mean, that was kind of a little bit of a, I mean, the divorce process was just kind of a nightmare because she just didn’t have any real good grip.
And I know people think it’s crazy that I helped her, but honestly, at some point you start to feel really sorry for somebody.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: Like. I’m not saying what she did to me was okay, but I also recognize that, um, she unfortunately had to learn that lesson the hard way.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: Uh, and so I just kind of went ahead and started to share that story because, you know, you see all the little trends going on in social media and everybody’s like, he, he ha ha like, I am marrying this man who is gonna be my provider and take care of me, and I don’t need to know how to pay the mortgage and I don’t need to know.
And I always like, I hate that trend.
Christa Innis: Yes. It hurts me.
Salma: So, yeah. I mean, we’re like casual now. Me and her, like acquaintances at this point, like after I helped her, like our friendship was never gonna be where it was.
Christa Innis: Right.
Salma: There were different ways that she could have handled that falling out. And, and I mean, I act really tough and vague, but like was I very hurt when I’m looking at these Instagram videos of my mutual friend and she’s at this wedding and
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Salma: I think I’m gonna be part of this and I’m not, because I said did something I think was seemingly innocent.
Christa Innis: Right. So,
Salma: and,
Christa Innis: and it shows that like your gut instincts about this guy were right. And it’s like, and even if they were still happily married, that’s you looking out for your friend. Like, I would never, I don’t get taking that so personally that like, oh my God, this friend wants us to break up.
That’s a friend that’s looking out and, you know, trying to help like protect. Did she say on the phone ever, like, after this call, like, any apology or like, sorry, I know things are weird between us, or like, did she say anything that like kind of made her like seem that she was apologetic at all?
Salma: Oh, absolutely.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: That was the only reason. I mean, I felt sorry for her, but like the only reason I was so willing to walk her through it and try to help her and try to put her in a position where she wasn’t getting completely railroaded was because she kind of led with, how embarrassing is this? Like mm-hmm. I am so, so sorry.
And she goes, I understand this apology doesn’t seem authentic because I need something now. Or like, but I am like truly, truly, and I believe she’s sorry. And like to me I needed just some accountability. I don’t think had she not apologized, I would have been willing to help her.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: Just because to me, like if you don’t, if you don’t see with how what you did to me was like not super messed up and like, I don’t know how to help you or I don’t want to help you, but she was very apologetic.
She just said, she said, you know, I know that this isn’t a good. But at the time, I so badly wanted to end up with him and I wanted to him to feel like I respected and listened to his opinion. And I know that that was, I mean, unfortunately for her too, I think during the marriage he played this card a lot.
So I think she got out of that marriage and realized her entire village had been turned to the ground for the most part.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: So that is a very hard place to be, but I think a good place to start if you’ve like, this isn’t the my first rodeo. I’ve seen this before where it hasn’t been, it hasn’t personally impacted me, but I’ve seen in other people’s circles.
And I think the best thing you can do if you end up on the other side of it is just be accountable and make amends. And some people are not gonna be interested in being your friend, rightfully so. But I also think, to me, like me helping her was not a true friendship act. It was more just say, honoring what we had for a very short period of time, or not.
I mean, short period of time, six years, but like Right. Honoring our friendship when it existed in the form that it existed.
Christa Innis: Right.
Salma: And yeah, I don’t know. I mean, her life, I mean, she’s still trying to pick up her situation, but I do think that she’s a good cautionary tale because I do think people sometimes get swept up in these romantic relationships and then make decisions so that when they finally get married, they look around and they realize it’s just thumb in this man.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And I feel like we could go so many directions with, with this conversation, but you brought up a good point about that kind of trend of being like, I don’t know my, you know, what my husband makes, I don’t know the finances, I just kind of go spend what I want. Or maybe you don’t, you hear about that, the, the financial control too, where it’s like they’re, they’re allotted maybe like a.
You know, a couple, a hundred bucks a month or a week or whatever, whatever that looks like. But people don’t even think about out outside of, you know, splitting up whatever. What if your husband passed away? What if something like that happens? I’ve seen stories like that happen recently, where then people, the wives or the woman does not know how to log into a bank account.
They don’t know what money they were making. They don’t know what different accounts they have. And so financial control like can hurt in so many ways. Um, and I’ve seen so many trending stories now where women come on later and they’re like. Yeah, my husband of 20 years was having an affair and he made all the money and I have nothing to show for because he wanted me to be a stay at home mom.
And again, this is nothing against stay at home moms. If that’s your passion and that’s something that you’ve wanted to do, your choice, no one anyone else’s, that’s great and I fully support it. But even being a stay at home mom, you need to be know about finances. You need to be. 50 50. He needs to be like, and this could probably come from a financial advisor, but like, I think that they should be paying you, they should be paying you for what you’re doing, whether that’s a weekly paycheck or a monthly paycheck and like actually like write you out.
Um, I feel like Tori Dunlap, who I had on the podcast was talking about that too, on something, but like, you are technically like allotted the same money. And so if he’s controlling everything, and especially this guy sounds like he knew it was coming, so he’s like, I’m gonna hide where money is going. So she can’t see it and she can’t take any of it.
Then he’s more still looking at you as like a housekeeper. You know, he’s not really looking at you as a partner. Um, so that’s when, that’s something I’m like so passionate about too. I’m like, women need to be involved in the finances or the stay-at-home parent needs to be involved in finances just as much as the working or the out of house, you know, parent, um, or partner because.
Anything can happen, any life altering thing can happen, whether that’s divorce, death, um, you know, an accident. You know, you never know what that is. Um, like I even heard a story that was on the podcast where, um, a couple they never legally married and the, I think his mom was living with them and he got in a car accident or a motorcycle accident.
So he was in a coma and the mom went and said, well, they’re not legally married. She has no right to see him and like blocked him out. So there’s things like that where they never thought that would happen. So of course, as soon as he was like back to himself and she was like, we’re getting married, like this is gonna be on paper, it’s legal.
Um, so there’s all those things that people just don’t think about. And so I feel like this is something that people should really, you know, look at ahead of time. So what would you recommend someone listening, like let’s say they’re in a similar situation, like your friend pre. Maybe they are engaged right now and she plans to be a stay at home mom or, um, what would you say about like, looking into a prenup or questions to ask yourself?
Be kind before kind of getting to that point.
Salma: It always tell everybody you need a prenup. I don’t care if you’re just starting out. I don’t care if you don’t have, if you feel like you don’t have a lot of assets. Because I think a couple of the things that I’m seeing the most more recently is sports betting has become, has basically exploded, right?
Mm-hmm. You see very well positioned, smart, educated men who get trapped in the sports betting and like these kinds of different things and they basically take all the assets. They keep betting thinking, I can just win it back. I can just win it back. And so I have seen that kind of situation. I’ve seen lots of people where one person is financially like illiterate and ends up putting all this debt on credit cards and then they’re both held accountable if they get divorced.
So I always tell people when you, especially if you’re gonna be a stay at home mom, I do think that there is a little bit of a risk there and people hate when I say that, but it is just a fact of life. There is a little bit of a risk there where I always tell people, like when you’re going in, the prenup doesn’t have to be fancy.
It just has to basically say like, I’m not gonna be responsible for any of your debt. Especially debt that is accumulated in a way that is dissipating the assets. Like you have a shopping problem, you bet all our money away. That way if something happens after you’re married, you’re not on the hook for your partners bad decisions if you need to divorce ’em.
I also tell them like, you need like a brokerage account or like. Basically a retirement account as well, if you can post it. So just agree, I’m gonna put in a thousand dollars into this brokerage account a month for you, depending on how much your partner makes.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Salma: And that way you have money that is growing in the background that you don’t see, you don’t hear about, you don’t talk about outside of making trades.
Right. And then I have seen people build in a, I’m not gonna call it a little allowance because I hate that word. Mm-hmm. But it is basically a salary that it is a bank account where the woman or the man if, if we’re doing the reverse, if this is like a stay at home dad situation, they can like reverse it so that there is a certain percentage of the paycheck that gets put in the separate account.
And it is her do not ask, do not tell account where she can spend that money. And it is like, if there’s something she’s had her eye on and she wants to buy it and he just thinks it’s like a ridiculous purchase, this is her money to kind of do. Whatever, or he, whatever he wants to do with. And I think it’s like a lot of people take that money and they don’t touch it.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Salma: Because I think it is like a little bit of like a safety, but it’s not supposed to be an an account where the kids, you know, the kids’ stuff gets taken out of it or the household expenses get taken out of. So there are just so many things you can put a prenup to just protect yourself financially in a way that, especially if you’re marrying someone who’s self-employed.
I don’t know. I think I probably have PTSD because I had a really complicated case in my twenties with somebody whose husband was a, he was self-employed and she had absolutely no money. And watching the way that that played out through the court system just like broke my little heart because we threw everything we had at it.
But it was just a very complicated situation because everyone’s like, well, I’ll just go hire a forensic accountant. And I’m like, with what money? Who’s gonna pay the $500 an hour for the forensic accountant that you’re talking about? And so I just always tell people like, there are very basic things you can do, and it doesn’t have to be this expensive or lengthy process, but I, you know, if you never get divorced and you live happily ever after and neither of you die anytime soon or get incapacitated, you don’t have to ever use it.
Like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Salma: And with stay at home moms, especially like a prenup is not just if you get divorced, some, the rules of the prenup can apply during the marriage. So you write it out to apply during the marriage. So you are basically getting all of the financial benefits while you’re married so that you don’t have to wait for an event to happen to start getting those financial benefits.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love it. It’s just like, it’s like planning through everything because. I feel like it had this like negative connotation where it’s like, oh, okay, that means you’re gonna split up. But it’s just, it’s planning and it’s prepping. And like you said, no one goes into a marriage thinking, oh, we’re gonna get divorced.
Oh this is gonna happen. You know, like it’s just planning for it. And I think so many people kind of just go in trusting the man maybe, or whoever they’re gonna marry. Um, like in this situation it’s I very controlling of like, okay, you’re going to, I’m gonna control all this. You’re gonna cook, clean, whatever.
Um, so I think this is a really important conversation because even if ultimately that’s what you want to do, I think you have to be like, okay, well how’s this gonna work best for us? Um, and I think you made a good point too about, um, putting in there about like not paying debts. ’cause there was a story I read, I feel like it was on the podcast now, I can’t remember, but where she didn’t know until after they got married that he had like $40,000 of debt.
From gambling and he was basically like, well, yours is mine and I need you to help me pay it off. And so, you know, you hear those stories and it’s like, again, people always say, it’s not gonna happen to me. They don’t think it’s gonna happen to them, but it does. Um, and so just like planning for that, we’re seeing a lot of women open up about going through a divorce where they least expected it and they were at home for the last 25 years.
Um, so yeah, I think that’s, that’s great advice. Great advice.
Salma: I also, this is really, really just a quick side story. So I’m literally at my apartment and I have my door half open because I am moving like groceries in and out. And this woman who has just moved into my building, she’s in her mid sixties and she’s not the demographic for who lives in this.
This high rise that I live in, right? Like this is not who normally moves in. It’s like mainly like young professionals.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: And so she kind of pokes her head in and she’s like, hi. She’s like being really nice and I’m like, hi. You know, like, what are you doing? I’m trying to, and she just starts like spilling on me, like spilling on me.
And she’s like, yeah, I just got settled into my apartment. I’m trying to get used to like moving from a five bedroom house to a, to a one bedroom apartment. And you know, my daughter just came to visit me and she was baffled and I was like, oh really? Like, you know, I could tell she just like needed to talk to someone and I was just standing there like, okay.
But she was basically, literally in that 10 minutes we were out in the hallway. She’s telling me about how she had been married since she was 21. She is now in her mid sixties. They had three children together. She never worked, did everything for this household. She. Did everything. She thought she was the perfect mom, the perfect parent, the perfect wife.
She would tell me all these like things where she was literally giving her kids all this advice about how to be a good partner. And then her husband very, very suddenly just tells her like, I just fell out of, like fell out of love with you a long time ago. And I was trying to stay for the kids and I don’t wanna stay for the kids anymore.
And I know how selfish that is. And despite the fact of him saying how selfish she was, he was willing to duke it out in court. And so now she’s living in this apartment where she just doesn’t have a lot to, that’s just a bad way to go out when you think this is gonna be your forever person. And so I just think, I see people all the time and nobody gets married thinking.
Oh, we’re gonna get divorced. Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: Right.
Salma: My husband’s gonna suddenly pass away. You know, like nobody goes into it thinking that. So I think that it should just not be taboo. Like we need to get away from this idea that a prenups indicates anything about your marriage or your future marriage. And we need to start, especially women, I hate to say it, I’m not saying it, that men don’t also get raw deals.
I’m just saying that the majority of the cases where I have seen divorces go wrong, it is always the woman who gets smacked.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I know. I think, and I think we’re seeing more from that older generation kind of coming out and realizing it. Because also in that generation it was more, you know, typical to either get married before college, find your partner in college, get married right away, forgo the, you know.
Job after college, get married, have kids, and become a stay at home mom. That was way more common, I think my parents’ generation, the generation before that. And so I think now that generation, a lot of them are realizing like either like, oh, I didn’t really get to do the things I wanted to do, or I don’t really have, like, something that be was mine.
You know? Like obviously like they had kids and they raised kids and I’m not downplaying that at all. That is very hard work. As, as a mom, I’m a mom myself and I, it’s very hard work, but I just feel like a lot of them, because I’ve talked to um, similar people, like you said, have your neighbor, similar people in my neighborhood.
And like, it wasn’t until like, one is a lady in her eighties in my neighborhood, and it wasn’t until her husband passed away that she started coming out on walks and like meeting other people in the neighborhood. And now she’s literally like this social butterfly. She was like, I didn’t know anybody before he died.
And I was like, oh, like. Why? And then she was like, and he left me all these papers to deal with. I didn’t know how to like go through his stuff. Like she didn’t know like any of their account, like any of this stuff. And a similar situation where like when I started seeing her out on walks, like we would just talk for like an hour because she was just wanted to talk to somebody and now everybody knows who she is.
And I feel like you’re, that was kind of their, the generation of like, you just get married, you stay home with the kids and um, while the partner or the dad gets to go out and kind of do his thing. So I think women now are learning to take a little bit more control, hopefully and learning from stories like the ones you shared, um, because it’s never too late to kinda like take back that control and um, even if it’s something small, but just finding some way to kind of like own it, I would say.
Salma: Yeah. And if anybody’s listening, you can still get a postnuptial agreement in most states, so just look into it. It’s not too late. Just kidding.
Christa Innis: There you go. I love it. Okay, let’s get into. Today’s blind story. Are you still, are you okay on time? I know we’re kind of going a little, a little over.
Salma: Yeah, I’m fine.
Red Light, Green Light: Legal Edition
Christa Innis: Okay. All right. Awesome. So actually before we do that, let’s do a little, uh, red light, green light. These are just little, um, little suggestions. And then based on, based on what it is, let me know if you think it’s a red light or green light. Okay. Paying a large deposit in cash or via Venmo with no paper trail,
Salma: red light,
Christa Innis: uh, verbal agreements with vendors you trust.
Salma: Red light
Christa Innis: hosting a backyard wedding without event insurance.
Salma: Red light,
Christa Innis: allowing guests to bring their own alcohol,
Salma: red light,
Christa Innis: like, uh, tagging vendors while complaining about them.
Salma: Word red light
Christa Innis: recording conversations without consent.
Oh, I think you cut out.
Salma: Oh, I said red light.
Christa Innis: Oh, okay. Yeah. Um, using a generic online prenup, template
Salma: red light.
Christa Innis: I didn’t know that was a thing. Um, assuming the venue is responsible for all guest safety,
Salma: red light.
Christa Innis: All right. Okay. Let’s get into this story. This is from one of the followers I’ve not read yet, so here we go.
Pre-Wedding Tension
Hi. First off, I love your videos. I’ll start with a bit of a backstory so things are easier to understand. I’m from Scotland and my now husband is from England. We met online nine years ago. He’s lived in Scotland with me for eight years, and we’ve been married for two years. We have a 13-year-old son, my son from a previous relationship and a 6-year-old daughter.
On my side of the family. I have a lot of extended relatives, but my immediate family is just my mom, my brother, my half sister from my dad. My dad passed away shortly after my sister was born when I was 12. I’m like getting this family tree like in my head. My husband’s parents are divorced. He has an older brother who’s married and a younger sister who’s married.
Neither of them has kids. His sister lives in Dubai for work and has done so since our daughter was born. Neither siblings has a close relationship with my husband and they don’t really know our kids. Okay. There’s the backstory. My husband had cancer as a child, and then again the year before we got married.
He beat cancer both times after extremely hard battles with treatment during chemo. The second time, he had to go to appointments alone due to COVID restrictions at the hospital, so I couldn’t be there with him after he got all cleared. Just a year before our wedding, he of course called his mom and dad to share the good news.
He also told his mom he would phone his sister the next day as the day as the time difference met. It was 11:00 PM in Dubai, and since she’s a teacher, he assumed that she would be asleep. His mom told her friend who told her daughter, who then texted his sister saying it was great news that my husband had the all clear.
So his sister ended up finding out via friend’s text message, no big deal or so we thought. So then she called my husband in floods of tears saying she was devastated that he didn’t call her personally. He explained that he had fully intended to call the next day. She guilt tripped him, saying how hard it was for her to go through this again after watching him battle cancer as a child for context, during the six months he was undergoing treatment, she only called once to ask how he was doing.
Another time she called her mom while she, while she was visiting us, and asked on speaker phone whether he put on a, asked on speaker phone, whether he put on a lot of weight due to steroids. I heard the entire conversation. She also lied about how she found out. She, he was all in the clear claiming it was her husband who saw it on their dad’s Facebook page.
That wasn’t true. Their dad doesn’t even have her husband on Facebook, and he only posted about it after the phone call. We still have no idea why she lied. That’s odd. Their mom simply said their daughter was just upset because she hadn’t been called first. That’s a bit of the background for the wedding drama that fall.
Okay, now we’re into the wedding drama. Okay. I love when they give like extra details though. ’cause I’m like, I always have so many questions. I’m like, okay, what’s, what’s the background to this disagreement?
Salma: All
Christa Innis: right. Our wedding was planned at a Scottish castle near the Scotland, England border. That sounds amazing.
So everyone attended would need to travel because of this. Most guests booked hotels as the castle had limited rooms. We offered these rooms to close family, family first, including both of my husband’s siblings, both declined. His brother said he’d get a hotel in a nearby village. His sister said that since it was a year before the wedding, she wasn’t sure she would be able to attend due to work, which we understood.
His mom decided to take one of the rooms and talked often about wanting to spend time with our kids since she doesn’t see them much. She mentioned wishing she could babysit them the way her kids babysits her own grandkids. Um, because of this, we asked if she’d like to have the kids stay in her room on the night of the wedding so she could spend extra time with them.
She was thrilled. We booked her a room with an extra bed so the kids could stay with her. At the time our son was 10 and our daughter was four. Our son is autistic and he doesn’t cope well. With too much change, this becomes relevant later. She’s great with all the details. Um, as time went on, we started to finalize menus and food choices for our vendors.
We called his sister to confirm her menu selections and double check that her husband wouldn’t be joining us as he couldn’t get the time off work. During that call, my husband asked whether she booked her flights and accommodations yet since we were now just over a month away from the wedding. She snapped at him saying she couldn’t deal with it herself and didn’t need him checking in on her.
She then said, you should be more effing grateful. I’m coming to your wedding. Jeez. Oh gosh. Okay. I’m glad we got that backstory. ’cause now I can like picture the dynamic. Uh oh. I don’t know if, okay. I think your sound keeps cutting out.
Salma: Oh, sorry. I just said yikes.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, at that point, my husband simply said goodbye and ended the call.
A week later, his mom was on the phone with him discussing wedding plans, and mentioned how stressed his sister was about traveling for the wedding. We reminded her that we’d always told his sister, we completely understood if she couldn’t make it due to distance costs or work, they’re probably like, please just don’t come at this point.
Salma: Basically,
Christa Innis: yeah, save us the drama. His mom then casually said, money wasn’t the issue because his aunt was paying for his sister’s plane ticket as part of a wedding gift to us. Okay. So that my husband could have his sister at his big day. That does not feel like a wedding gift to the couple.
Salma: No. I was like, that’s very odd.
It’s extremely odd.
Christa Innis: I know. I’d be like pay for the couple’s room or their flight. What his aunt couldn’t attend herself as she lives in Australia and had work commitments. Then his mom added that. she’d been thinking his sister could just squeeze into her room with the kids.
So we said no, we didn’t think that was a good idea. A the room was for three people. There was one double bed that his mom and our daughter were going to share and a single bed for our son. Our kids don’t really know his sister very well, and our son would be uncomfortable sharing a room with someone he doesn’t know.
Well, this went back and forth for a few days. His sister was crying on the phone to their mom saying it was unfair and nasty for us to say She doesn’t know the kids. Didn’t they already offer the room? And she said, no.
Salma: Yes. I don’t understand. I’m getting like anxiety for these people
Christa Innis: I know like. I always feel bad for the couple, like having to deal with this kind of drama before their wedding.
Like they should be excited counting it on the days and this would make me not want it to happen because you’re gonna have to deal with someone like this.
Salma: I just would want let that person to not come.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Be like, can you not pay for her to come? Please be that. Make that our gift. Just don’t pay. His mom kept asking for her to be squeezed in.
Eventually we made the decision to ask my mom if she could have the kids the night of the wedding instead, since it seemed like his sister was going to try to stay in that room anyway, so we told his mom she could have her daughter stay in the room with her, but the kids would be in a different room.
Wedding Weekend and Tantrum Blowups
She was upset, but said, okay, fast forward past a few other bits and pieces and it’s now the wedding day. Everything goes well and it seems like everyone’s having a good time. In Scotland, we have a tradition of ending parties, especially weddings, with a song, a dance called. I might pronounce this wrong.
Lock Lamond. Lamond Lomond. My husband had told his family he was so excited to include them in this tradition and that it would be the final song of the night. The song before that, don’t look back in anger as he’s from Manchester. The DJ announced it was time for the final two songs and asked everyone to come to the dance floor.
We were gathering everyone. When we saw his sister and mom heading upstairs. My husband went over and said, why are you going? Where are you going? Quick, it’s time for the last dances. His sister said she was tired from traveling and needed to go to bed since their mom was driving them. She needed to sleep too.
It was roughly 11:45 PM My husband said, come on mom. I told you this was important to me. Just two more songs. His sister Huffed and stormed upstairs. I’m like, seen this as like a toddler like, like she’s a grown adult. It
Salma: doesn’t sound like a grown adult.
Christa Innis: No. Like what is this? His mom reluctantly came back to the dance floor, we danced, said good night to everyone and headed to bed the next morning at breakfast.
Everyone was sitting quietly talking about the night before and laughing about sore heads. Then my sister-in-law came to into the breakfast hall and said to their mom, come on, will you leave now? Or we’ll be late. I need to get to the airport. My mother-in-law got up halfway through breakfast, went upstairs to get her things.
So now she can’t even enjoy the wedding ’cause the sister has to go. my husband and I went out to the reception area and said goodbye. His sister was at the car crying. His mom coldly said, goodbye Mr. Lafferty. Have a nice life. Wait, what? My husband took my last name. So she said it like in a rude way.
Ooh, that’s awesome. Her husband took her last name. That’s cool. Um. Goodbye. Mr. Lafferty. Have a nice life. What did they do to the mom? That’s so weird.
Salma: Oh no. That is very
Christa Innis: strange.
Salma: Oh,
Christa Innis: he said, what? What does that mean? Am I not going to see you? She scuffed and walked off. Two seconds later, she came running back in because she had forgotten the bouquet of flowers we’d given her the night before.
She went upstairs to get them on her way back down. My husband asked, what’s wrong with her? Why is she crying? His mom replied in a nasty tone, oh, work it out for yourself. What is going on with this family? That’s completely dampen? That completely dampened our wedding week. My husband was devastated. He wouldn’t look at videos or his phone or photos.
He didn’t want to read the cards. He just wanted to understand why they acted that way. So now they’re making it about themselves like they can’t even enjoy this moment because mom and sister are having a freak breakout. I don’t even know.
Salma: I like hate that for her.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like all that’s
Salma: like a bad way to go.
Like that’s like a bad way to start your marriage or like your wedding.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Because now everything’s just like, your memories are gonna be all about how they acted on this day. They had to make it about themselves, the sister. It’s like every little thing the sister had a complaint about, she would’ve made it so much better if she just didn’t come.
Aftermath, Excuses, and Takeaways
A week later. He called his mom his first call since the wedding. She said the reason his sister was so upset was because he didn’t make her feel special enough at the wedding. What was he supposed to have a sister brother dance? Like?
Salma: I have no idea that, that’s so cringe.
Christa Innis: Yeah, girl. Like you can’t let your brother have his day with his wife.
Salma: It just kinda gives me the ick too. It’s like, why are you so obsessed with your brother and like you don’t like him giving women attention? Like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Salma: That’s just really, really strange to me.
Christa Innis: Yes. It’s like there’s like a jealousy or insecurity that like he’s spending time with his wife and not you. I just read a similar story like this where the sisters like demanded to be in the brother’s wedding and they’re like, we’re actually not having people in our wedding.
We’re gonna have each have one person. And they like showed up in these matching like bridesmaid style dresses and they had the DJ announce them because they couldn’t stand not being a part of the wedding. And I’m just like, I cannot imagine being so self-important at someone else’s wedding.
Salma: Honestly.
That’s really embarrassing too.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Salma: To just like take that upon yourself like, gosh.
Christa Innis: Also like what DJ is gonna be like, oh yeah, I’ll add that into the announcement. I’d be like, I did not get that from the bride and groom, so no, I will not be announcing.
Salma: Absolutely. So
Christa Innis: weird. Um, okay, so she said, bearing in mind A, it wasn’t her wedding B, she had had her own wedding four years earlier.
So she’s already, she was married and had her own day. C she’s a 30-year-old woman, not a child. ’cause yeah, I keep picturing like a 5-year-old or four or 5-year-old, like stomping up the stairs. Um. Apparently she couldn’t understand why she didn’t get a special mention or role in our wedding. My brother walked me down the aisle and made a speech because he was standing in for our dad.
My, my sister was a junior bridesmaid. We didn’t even know if his sister would be attending until about three months before the wedding, at her wedding. Neither my husband nor I had any special role. I wasn’t a bridesmaid and he wasn’t a groomsman, so why? Even more so. Why is she expecting? My God, it’s wild.
In my husband’s speech, he thanked everyone for traveling. He didn’t single anyone out. He thanked his mom and dad and my mom and that was it. then his mom said his sister was upset about her seating arrangement. She claimed she was seated at a table with no one she knew. In reality, we seated her next to a lifelong family, friend and neighbor.
All our tables were mixed family groups. His mom then claimed his sister didn’t know this family friend, his friend very well. Even though during photos when the photographer said, okay, all the groom’s family, his sister shouted for this friend to join the photo because she’s family. So ridiculous. Like some people will just find anything to complain about.
Plus like even when I’ve gone to weddings where I’m set at a table where I don’t really know anyone, you’re there for such a short amount of time. Grab a drink, eat your food, and make conversation like I’m such an like,
Salma: hang out.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s not that hard. Like I’m an introvert and I can, I can make myself do it.
And then you’re on the dance floor and you can see your family and friends. Like, I just don’t get, when people make someone else’s wedding about themselves, it’s so, such odd behavior.
Salma: This sort of took it like a step too far.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And then like the crying off on like the side. And constantly like having people ask like, oh, what’s wrong with them?
Not saying anything until like months later when the mom has to speak for you. Like
Salma: they’re nicer than I am. I would’ve been saying some stuff, like, it would not have been just like a, oh, what did we do? It would’ve been like, uh, you got to go.
Christa Innis: Yeah. You are killing the vibe right now. Can you please just go to your room?
You’re gonna act like a toddler. Go. Um, I, during that phone call, his mom kept repeating how incredibly hurt and upset his sister was. My husband said, well, I’m upset too. It was my wedding day and you’ve both tried to make it about her. His mom replied, well, she’s really upset. Like, I just hear it. The story has changed at least 10 times since.
First it was that she didn’t feel special, then it was that she was worried about missing her flight because of traffic. And then it was that she was tired from traveling and then it was that she wasn’t upset at all. The story has changed so much that honestly I feel crazy sometimes. And this is only a snippet of their behavior over the years.
Thanks for the videos you shared. They really helped me feel not so crazy knowing other people deal with complicated family drama too. Oh my gosh. So now they have to deal with those people, their marriage like, and that I feel like pulls people apart. Like if, if they don’t actually like set their intentions of like, okay, it’s us versus everybody else, I think that’s where it can get complicated.
’cause you see, like, you’ll see like the husband get pulled in a lot of the stories like, oh, well your, your wife said this to me. Or you know, some, you hear stories like that happen all the time, but the fact that they’re changing their story, I think they just wanna feel like the victim.
Salma: I think that’s like a problem though.
’cause I feel like that’s not gonna stop. It’s gonna just be every year it’s gonna be something. It’s gonna be, quite honestly, like I think the bride is being very gracious by trying to be like patient and let her husband handle it.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: But I just think that would get old very fast.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like everything,
Salma: just like laced the boundaries.
Christa Innis: Yes. Everything I feel like would, would feel like a chore. It’d be like, okay, are we gonna get together for Thanksgiving or something? It’d be like, sister’s gonna be like, well, I don’t know. You know, like the back and forth. Well, does anyone want me there? You know? And that’s just like exhausting to be around someone like that.
So I feel like the only way is to have really limited contact, which I think it sounds like they don’t all live close by each other, so maybe it is limited. And then just not dealing with the mom’s like victim. Talk about the sister. Because I think that’s why the sister learns to behave that way because the mom puts up with it and is like, oh, your sister.
And then she’s like, oh yeah, I am the victim.
Salma: Uh, I think that’s like a lot of enabling, I don’t know.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: I just like feel like weddings where you’re like, people spend so much time and money and energy into having that one day and then for people to just not be able to get it together for such a short period of time drives me crazy.
’cause I’m like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Salma: Who knew his sister was gonna be like enemy number one while this is all going on. I just think that’s like hard, especially based on everything she shared with us. It doesn’t really seem like I could maybe understand if at her wedding four years ago they did something unforgivable and like ruined her wedding or something and now this was like a revenge plot of some sort.
But it just kind of sounds like this other woman is very entitled and so I don’t know how you fix that.
Christa Innis: Right. I feel like it’s like too far, too gone because what are they saying? It’s, it started after, um, the sister not getting the call right. About his cancer, but they said even while he had cancer, she called like once to ask how he was doing.
So it, it’s again, it’s like that, that woe is me kind of attitude of like, even if they had, she had been the first person to call, right? When he got the news, she would’ve found some reason. Oh, I wasn’t at the meeting, I was at the appointment. You know, whatever. ’cause there’s just some people that are gonna, that want to feel like the victim.
You
Salma: do well with those people.
Christa Innis: Yeah. You gotta, you gotta, like you said, strict boundaries with those kind of people. ’cause they just, they lay, they are like, they’re like the gray cloud in a room because there’s always something you can always tell when they’re gonna complain about something or, or, um, make something about that.
So. I am sorry. I hope, I hope you guys are at least on the same page, this bride that sent this in. As long as, I feel like as long as you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries and what you will and will not stand for, I think that will make it easier. Um, and limited, limited contact for sure.
Um, okay. I like to end these with or end these episodes with confessions that people send me on Instagram. Um, so this week we asked anything you want to get off your chest vent, rant, or share something that happened recently. Okay. This person said, I never want to be a bridesmaid again.
Salma: I think a lot of us probably feel that way.
Christa Innis: It’s a lot. I mean, I feel like it’s a, it’s a lot of work. Like I feel like I got all my bridesmaid time out before I got married myself. Like I haven’t been a bridesmaid since I was married, but I didn’t like nine times, nine or 10 times and. It was a lot. It’s a lot in your twenties and thirties and it’s just, it’s like a full-time job when you’re, if you’re like an active one, you don’t have to be, but I got lucky.
But I’ve, I’ve heard obviously terrible like bridezilla stories where like they expect you to spend so much money and like, like you’re, you should revolve around them, you know, and the world stops when, when they’re getting married and it’s just like, I can understand that. That’s, that’d be hard. Um, okay.
This person says, I’m so angry that I have zero relationship with my older brother since our parents died. I think that
Salma: happens actually.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that happens to a lot of siblings because I think a lot of times it’s like the parents are what holds them together maybe. And if it was already kind of like struggling, but yeah.
That’s, that’s really sad. Um, I wish I’d spent more time to plan something a bit more special for my wedding. Um, okay. This is a three part, one mother in, mother-in-law and I are hosting a gender reveal for brother-in-law and wife. Wife keeps making expensive last minute changes instead of trusting the mother-in-law.
And I had everything under control. Turns out it’s wife’s mom being the issue and has been strong arming brother-in-law and wife to do things her way or not at all. That’s unfortunately very common and that’s when you need to have those strict boundaries. And just being like, because it’s, because I feel like when you start allowing a little bit to happen with someone like that, like you’re like, okay, yeah, we’ll make this one change.
’cause you said it, it’s like a, what is it? Give an inch. They’ll take a mile or whatever. Someone like that they know. They know who they can easily manipulate. I see it all the time.
Salma: It’s like frustrating though.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: May I never be a mother like that one day.
Christa Innis: Right. I know. It’s like people like that. I wonder if they like, can see that they’re being that way.
I don’t know. It’s, yeah. Some people just can’t let go or let someone else like take the lead of something ’cause they think they’re just gonna do it better. All right, last one. My mother-in-law got both of my kids 30 plus gifts. Each asked after we asked her to tone it down this year. So frustrated. I’m guessing for the holidays or for Christmas or something, or maybe their birthdays.
That’s wild. As a parent, I would, that would overwhelm me. I can’t even imagine. That’s
Salma: just much stuff.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And
Salma: stuff you have to keep in your house.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. As my child’s parent. I don’t get her more than like two things for like a birthday and then maybe a couple more, like for a holiday. I like, I, I get very overwhelmed by stuff.
So 30 gifts that I don’t even know, I can’t even comprehend. 30 gifts. That’s too,
Salma: they must have money. Money,
Christa Innis: yeah. Well and then I feel like then when kids get so much stuff, they don’t value the things they do have.
Salma: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Because they’re like, oh, I’m just gonna get more stuff. Or they use it once and it goes in the garbage.
So like, I hate that personally. So I’m very like, we’re gonna get something that you’re gonna use multiple ways and like for many years. ’cause I, I hate just like, I hate just things sitting around that you’re just not gonna use.
Salma: Agree.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Alright, well thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for coming on this, this week.
it was so nice meeting you. And, um. I feel like your story is a very good cautionary tale for many
Salma: thanks for hosting me. I had fun. I mean, this has been like a fun way to spend my, I guess it’s evening at this point, but yeah. Fun way to spend my evening and, um, I think you put out a lot of good content for people to just kind of take a pause and like that woman said, like, not feel alone because if you feel like you’re the only person dealing with crazy people, you’re not.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Salma: So I think there’s something about feeling validated.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: And feeling like, okay, this is not unique. I’m not the only person dealing with this. But yeah. This has been fun. Thank you so much for inviting me.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. It’s wild. ’cause like when I first started sharing like a couple, like stories and stuff, like, just like stuff I’d heard over the years from like weddings, I never knew how, how wild and how many stories people had to share about this kind of thing.
Um, like. It just like blows my mind. So I think it’s a great, like safe space to be able to share and like talk to other people, set stronger boundaries and all that. Um, so for anyone listening, can you tell everyone where they can follow you on social media, um, and where kind of anything fun you’re working on, what they can, what they can expect from your content, all that good stuff?
Salma: Yeah, so I am primarily only on one. I know this is like not what everybody does, but I’m only on, basically the only thing I use is TikTok and I am Selma. Your big or Selma your lawyer. Big sis. Sorry. But yes, that is the only account I really use. I do have an Instagram, but it is like purely just family and people from college, like friends.
So it’s like very private. Right. I always feel bad because a lot of people from TikTok migrate over there.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: And I’m like, I’m sorry, I wanna keep this private. Um, and it’s not like that personal, it’s just that like some of the people that. I talk about that have given me permission, aren’t on my Instagram, and I just wanna like, protect their privacy.
Yes. Um, but I do like a lot of like attorney talk. I do a lot of my own story times that most of ’em are not about weddings, not my content. Um, but yeah, it’s just kind of, I had like a while there I, where I was posting a lot about Indianapolis, um, but then people started accusing me of being paid by the city for tourism.
I mean really, I was just like, I thought this was what everybody did. Like if I like a place, I’m gonna shout it out.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: But yeah, that’s primarily, it’s like fun for me. TikTok I think is a lot of fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Salma: Um, and so that is the only mode of social media I use because it’s the only one that brings me joy.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love it. I feel like tiktoks like a fun, easy way to like start making content too. ’cause it’s just like, I don’t know. At least for me, I felt like a lot of the pressure was off. Like Instagram is like. I dunno the idea of Instagram still, like I, I post on there now, but like when I first started years ago, it’s just like that, like picture perfect.
Like everything is very like Instagram models and I’m like, I don’t know about that. But now I think it’s changing a little bit, but tiktoks definitely more, less, less pressure like that. Well, awesome. Like I said, it was so nice meeting you and I loved your story. I think it’s really important for more people to hear that kinda story.
So I’m hoping this reaches new ears and they can find and follow your content and learn more of your awesome advice.
Salma: Perfect. Thank you so much.
Christa Innis: Thank you.