Wedding Finances, Honeymoon Hacks & an MIL Meltdown — with Sara Margulis

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The MIL stole their car keys… on the morning of their honeymoon.

This week on Here Comes The Drama, a listener shares a “drama-free” wedding that takes a sharp turn the next morning. What should have been a quiet newlywed breakfast spirals into a full-blown hotel lobby meltdown when a mother-in-law demands a ride to the airport, refuses to take no for an answer, and crosses every boundary imaginable.

Plus, Christa and Honeyfund CEO Sara Margulis break down honeymoon funds, modern gift etiquette, and why couples need to stop planning weddings they can’t afford. From Shark Tank success to wedding-industry pressure, Sara shares what couples actually need to start thinking beyond that ‘one big day’.

We’re celebrating one year of Here Comes The Drama! 🎉 Subscribe to my podcast and YouTube channel, and comment “Entered” on this episode’s YouTube video for a chance to win one $150 Visa gift card or one of two $25 Amazon gift cards. Winners will be announced on March 12.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• Cash Gifts vs. Entitlement – Why asking for a honeymoon fund isn’t rude, but treating wedding guests like ATMs absolutely is.
• The Honeymoon Morning Meltdown – A “drama-free” wedding explodes when a mother-in-law steals car keys and demands a ride to the airport.
• Wedding Industry Pressure – How FOMO-driven marketing pushes couples to plan weddings they can’t realistically afford.
• Boundaries as a United Front – Why marriage requires choosing your partner first, especially when family crosses the line.
• From Shark Tank to Wedding World – Sara Margulis shares how Honeyfund grew and why fee-free gifting matters to modern couples.
• Honeymoon Planning Mistakes – The biggest financial mistakes couples make when planning travel—and how to avoid them. 
• Choosing Peace Over Chaos – Why limiting contact with toxic family members can be necessary, even years after the wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis
• “If you’d rather have someone there for a gift than their presence, you shouldn’t invite them. Be more excited to have them there versus a gift. ” – Christa Innis
• “There are so many ways to make a wedding work at any budget — ultimately, it’s about the marriage, not the one big day.” – Sara Margulis 
• “A gift is always at the discretion of the giver. You should never expect anything.” – Sara Margulis
• “Never plan a wedding where you’re counting on gifts to cover the cost.” – Sara Margulis
• “Nobody has any business expecting anything from a couple in the first weeks of marriage.” – Sara Margulis
• “Wedding drama doesn’t always end when the music stops.” – Christa Innis
• “Issues with in-laws come up all the time — and marriage is when you learn to stand united.” – Sara Margulis
• “Marriage works when you put each other first before everyone else.” – Sara Margulis
• “All the villains have a backstory — but that doesn’t excuse the behavior.” – Sara Margulis
• “Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
• “The gift of experiences has become more important than the gift of stuff.” – Sara Margulis
• “FOMO-based wedding marketing makes people feel less than — and it needs to stop.” – Sara Margulis
• “If you wake up after your wedding broke and stressed, that’s not a great start.” – Sara Margulis
• “Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis  

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Sara

Sara Margulis is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund, a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than $1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into a company helping couples celebrate love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honeyfund with heart-centered, human-first leadership.

She gained national attention after a memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary – not just for her savvy pitch, but for her vision of love and generosity powering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike.

Follow Sara Margulis

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Your ultimate wedding etiquette guide is here! Mariah Humbert answers every question you didn’t know you had—so your big day is smooth, stylish, and stress-free: What Do I Do?: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. And today’s story that we read, my jaw probably dropped three or four times. It is a wild one. I know I say that word all the time, and I know there’s other words out there. I can use that one. Just these stories are just so, so wild.

You guys crazy. Shocking, surprising. Um. I’m just completely flabbergasted. We’ll, we’ll go with that. Um, just a little reminder, I am doing the, um, giveaway this month. I couldn’t think of the word giveaway. Um, there’s a lot going on you guys. Um. All you have to do is just share a photo, whether it’s of yourself listening to the podcast, it’s a screenshot of the podcast from your phone or a screenshot of your review.

And then tag me at Hey Christa Innis. Um, and I’m gonna give away four $50 Amazon gift cards during the month of January the winter. Winners will be announced, um, in our February 12th episode. So don’t forget to enter, tag me on social media. It can be in a post, it can be in a story. Um, it can be in your caption.

Um, even if you’re like walking on the street, holding your phone, take a picture of, it’s a selfie, but you’ll tag me in the comments, um, about the podcast. That will enter you as well. Um, just a way to say thank you. Um, the first year of the podcast went amazing and I’m just so excited to give you guys more amazing content.

We’ve had so many great interviews, so many great stories that we’ve read on here, and I’m just, we’re just getting started. You guys. There are so many more. Um. Wild things to happen. Uh, and and one thing I’m gonna try is to use a different word every single episode. And it’s funny ’cause I, like I asked you guys a while back and you guys gave me all these other words, but I just can’t, I can’t help it.

It’s wild. Okay. Anywho. Today on the podcast I have Sara Margulis here who is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund. You guys have heard me talk about Honeyfund many times before. It is the wedding registry, um, where people can give money towards your honeymoon, and I think it’s such an amazing concept and, um.

There. It’s, it’s great because I think we’re leaning a lot more into experiences versus things. Um, so Honeyfund is a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than 1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into companies, has grown into a company helping multiple couples celebrate their love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered with a background in psychology and digital marketing. Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered and human first leadership. She gained natural attention after her memorial. She gained national attention after her memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary.

Not just from her savvy pitch, but from her vision of love, generosity, empowering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike. So we have a great time chatting. She has. Such a vision for her brand. Not only that, but we just talk all about weddings, honeymoons, the importance of them and the importance of just your building blocks, um, when you’re planning your wedding as well.

Um, so without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode.

From Wedding Registry to Honeymoon Fund Revolution

Christa Innis: Hi Sara. Thank you so much for being here. Hi Christa. I’m so excited to talk to you today. Yes, I’m so glad we were able to connect. Before we get started, I mean, there’s so much drama and everything we can talk about. Can you just talk one a little bit about you and your awesome brand Honey fund?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, absolutely.

So, I’m Sara Margulis, co-founder and CEO of Honey Fund. We are almost 20 years old, but if you can believe that, next March will be our 20th anniversary. But Honey Fund is basically a wedding registry where couples can receive the gift of a honeymoon or any cash, that they need to start out together instead of, or in addition to traditional registry items.

Christa Innis: I love that. I think it’s such a smart idea and I remember the first time I saw something like that, Years ago for a friend’s wedding, and I was like, this is such a great idea because sometimes people live together for a while before getting married and they don’t need the standard like dishes or towels.

And so I think it’s a fun way to contribute to, a fun time in your friends or family members’ life. and so what kind of started the idea, what made you think of the idea behind it and what was the process for you? Like when you were like, oh, this could be something and kind of getting that together.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. So, when I was getting married, planning my wedding in 2004, We didn’t need any more household stuff. We lived in a one bedroom flat and we weren’t like, ready for our forever home. So there was no point in accumulating China and, towels and silverware and all that. but we did really wanna go on a, pretty elaborate honeymoon.

We were dreaming of a trip to Fiji, which turns out it’s about halfway around the world from San Francisco. So expensive to get to. And, my fiance and I, at the time, we were just like, what could we do that would be different from, you know, a traditional wedding registry? I can’t remember how, but I’d heard of the concept of a honeymoon registry and I kind of went online to like.

Make sure I wasn’t crazy and that was an actual thing. And it was, but it was, quite, antiquated that the options that were available were a little outdated and they were very, expensive to use. Like they wanted to charge, 9% in fees, which to us just seemed crazy. That would amount to a whole night on our honeymoon, we’d be paying in fees, right?

Mm-hmm. we just put our heads together and kind of created our own makeshift honey fund on our wedding website. And our friends and family went crazy for it. They gave us more than $5,000. We took our dream honeymoon to Fiji and when we got back they were just raving about the idea, like, how cool, like, I wish we had this when we got married.

You know, you guys should make this available to other couples. And we were already aspiring entrepreneurs. I had a background in marketing. He had a, software engineering degree. And so we built honeyfund.com about a year after our own wedding. And, Just started, we bought a few Google ads, for people searching for honeymoon registry, which there weren’t that many searches at the time.

We started signing up, you know, three, four people a day, and then it became a hundred and then became a thousand. And in 2011, we were featured on Martha Stewart Wedding’s homepage, and our site totally crashed.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. Oh my God. We made it to the big time, like somebody at Martha Stewart noticed us and is like, this is a cool idea. We’re gonna share this. So yeah, that’s a big break. 

Experiences Over Stuff: Why Honeymoons Actually Matter

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s amazing. And when you explain it that way, it’s such an amazing concept and so important because I feel like there’s still like some misunderstanding from people, like how it works or, and I don’t know if you’ve seen these comments before, people saying like, well, I don’t wanna pay for someone’s honeymoon when you put it that way, it’s like, if you love this person and you want to give them a gift, what? Does it matter if they spend it on sheets in their house or they spend it on dinner, on the beach? You know? Totally,

Sara Margulis: totally. And as the gift of experiences has become more. Sort of commonplace and the gift of cash, right?

With like GoFundMe and stuff. I think it’s just kind of obvious that today’s couples, you know, the way our economy has evolved, like you can get anything you need for your household at Walmart for 3 88. it’s just cheap. Like, you know, you don’t need, a wedding registry. You don’t need your friends and family to shell out their hard earned cash to get you more stuff.

Everybody has enough stuff now. But what we really crave and what I think wedding couples really need after the stress of planning a wedding is a vacation. some memories that they’ll always cherish and, 99.999% of any giver who’s ever come through Honey Fund has said that was so much fun.

What a cool way to give a wedding gift.

Christa Innis: I love that. And isn’t there a stat out there, I might be making this up, but there’s something, some kind of stat about like couples that do take a honeymoon and take the time to take a honeymoon. Like either like. Are married longer or they have happier marriages because they start off by focusing on an experience together.

And I might be making that up, so maybe I should look it up later, but I remember hearing something about that. Yeah. Because there’s a lot of couples that, maybe they hold, off or they, aren’t able to because of other things, which obviously there’s some circumstances where you just can’t take a honeymoon.

I get it. They’re expensive. You might not have Yeah. Getting time off

Sara Margulis: work, family e emergencies. There’s all kinds of reasons why couples don’t travel, but that stat is actually from H Fund’s own research and the stat is that, couples who take a honeymoon are more likely to be happily married more than a decade later.

And, you know, when we first, did that research and kind of interpreted all that, it gave me goosebumps. I was like, oh my gosh. Like we’ve been doing something really fun and cool for, you know, 15 years. But like we didn’t realize that it was actually related to, marital satisfaction and. As someone who’s been through divorce with Honeymoon’s co-founder and having to like, go through the hardest thing imaginable, that really like sunk in for me.

And I was like, I wanna make happily ever after the reason why we exist. And so we really started thinking about like, how do we not only get couples on that first honeymoon, but keep them traveling together throughout their married lives so that they can, benefit from the relationship skill of travel, right?

So like mm-hmm. When couples take time away from the stress of everyday life, when they take time to focus on each other, quality time, time to dream, time to just breathe out. They have better relationships, stronger relationships. And so, we just launched anniversary fund last year so that, this year actually, so that couples could continue to travel together.

The couples who miss their honeymoons could have that opportunity to celebrate a master anniversary with the help of friends and family and make that honeymoon happen.

Christa Innis: I love that. that would be like my advice for people, again, if it’s feasible for people, but like to plan when you’re planning your wedding, to plan that honeymoon.

Even just get it on the books, even if it’s not right away. Yes. Having that date, it’s ’cause it’s something to one look forward to after the wedding that doesn’t involve anybody but your partner. And two, it’s like, it’s those memories right away as a married couple. And, I feel like it just, it really, like we were talking about, it’s like we have all this stuff, right?

We just keep accumulating stuff year after year and that just really brings home the idea of experiences over more things, right? Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. Yeah, you got it. And so I just, I feel like it’s so important and the people I knew, I knew different couples that year. They were like, oh, we’re gonna wait till next year to do a trip or we’re gonna do this.

And then before you know it, some of those couples never ended up taking one because Yeah. Whether they decided to have start having kids or they move, or other things come up and that things are gonna always come up. Always. So I think it’s a way to like kind of prioritize your relationship and being like, okay, this week we’re setting aside our honeymoon and that’s what we’re gonna do.

Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. And also it’s like this great opportunity to like get time off that like nobody can say no to. Like no boss is gonna be like, no, I’m not giving you time off for your honeymoon. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s kind of a freebie, so you gotta take it while you can. Right. but yeah, I really agree that, starting your marriage off, being able to like decompress after the wedding planning, which is really stressful. I mean, the big day is awesome, but sometimes you’re just kind of in shock, right? And like the next day you’re like, whoa, what just happened? And you just need a minute to collect yourself before you jump right back into work and everything.

I think it’s really important.

The Wedding Letdown No One Warns You About

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, totally. you hear of that, like, this didn’t happen to me, but I know a lot of brides where they almost, depression’s gonna be a really strong word, but a lot of them felt like, bumped after their wedding. Yes. Because they put so much stress and you know, they spend weeks and months and Yes.

Planning, you’re around family and friends all the time doing this fun event and then the day after they’re like, ah, I have nothing to look forward to. And Okay. Which is such a sad way to look at it. And like, that’s why I like always tell people too, I’m like, it’s about starting the marriage. Like yeah.

It’s not all our focus on that one day. Right. But I think the honeymoon can really help with it too, because that’s that thing to look forward to of like starting your life, yeah. Together and just no responsibilities on the trip. Just be Yeah,

Sara Margulis: I totally agree with you. I think there’s a lot of, bride specifically who mourn the loss of the wedding planning part of their lives and the, joy and the comradery and the community and everything around wedding planning and many of those actually become winning mentors.

Mm-hmm. So that they can like, stick with it. It was just something they fell in love with and they don’t wanna to be gone anymore. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I do think a lot of people find their passion through wedding planning. Like, they’re like, oh, I love doing this. Or they might find their hatred about planning stuff, so they’re like, get me out of here.

So. Before Honey Fund. you worked in marketing for a while, you said mm-hmm. I think you also said customer service. So how do you think those experiences helped you prepare for this business and ultimately launch this business?

Sara Margulis: Oh, that’s a great question that nobody has ever asked me before, Christa.

Oh, wow. I thank you for that totally new question. marketing was something that I fell into after college. I actually studied music as my undergraduate degree with a minor in German, so it was a very like, just non-committal major, you know, like I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had a math and science background in high school, but I didn’t wanna be like, you know, an engineer or like a scientist and,

 when I got my first job in marketing, I just fell in love with it. I loved the intersection of like, math and analytics with like, customer psychology basically. and so that came really naturally to me. And so when we started Honeyfund, I was able to bring, I went on to get a master’s degree in business with an emphasis in marketing.

So I was able to bring all that sort of passion and training to, and my experience planning a wedding. So my understanding of the wedding industry too, to bear in creating honey fund. prior to that I had been in customer service, and there’s something about customer service that I just love.

It’s the idea that, you have an opportunity to delight someone who’s frustrated with your brand to turn them around, to make them an advocate because you took such good care of them to take full accountability for any failure that they had. that comes really, really easily to me. and I just love the, like, the interaction and the opportunity to serve people.

 so I think all of that came together to make Honey Fund. it was just all about like, what would I want, do I think would help other couples, like have a great experience and dealing with brides and money. Those are two of the trickiest things that a business can, deal with.

 but we’ve been successful I think because we have a really clear vision about what it is we’re trying to offer people. A commitment to trying to be fee free as much as possible, and a commitment to just radically awesome customer service.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And so then you guys took your idea, or you were already a business, but then you guys went over to Shark Tank and you were pretty successful there.

So what was that story like and how did that kind of all come about?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, so we were just plugging away in like 2012. I think we’d done about 200 million in gifting at that point. this was six years after we launched. We had just started hiring people for the business. We, had some customer service, folks and we’re starting to hire like a designer and things like that.

 but prior to that, we’d run it all ourselves, just two of us. and we got an email from Shark Tank. And I don’t, I’m not a fan of reality television. I don’t watch it for the most part. so I really didn’t know much about the show, and my first gut instinct was like, I don’t wanna be on a reality TV show.

Like that just sounds like a nightmare. but once we kind of dug into what the show was a little bit more, we were like, oh, this is interesting. So they invited us to apply to the show. They, somebody in casting knew somebody on the crew who had given a honey fun gift to a friend and was like, that was so cool, you know?

Mm-hmm. And talked about us to casting. and they were looking for companies in season six that were a little bit more established, than like, your mom and pop, you know, cupcake company or whatever. Yeah. So we applied and we got cast and we walked into the tank in June of 20 14. we did a deal with Kevin O’Leary.

We actually got three offers, one from Robert, one from Barbara, and one from Kevin. And we took Kevin’s offer and, closed the deal ahead of the airing date of October, 2014. And, still partner with Kevin today. he’s been a great, asset and just a fan of the brand and the customers.

The wedding sort of, he loves love. You know, he actually officiated a wedding for us on Zoom during COVID. We did like a wedding rescue giveaway where Mr. Wonderful will like officiate your wedding. Oh my gosh. And people sharing their COVID cancellation stories and, it was cool. He’s been a really fun partner.

Christa Innis: Wow. So what was it about him? So you said you have three offers. What was it about him that made you guys be like, this is our right person to go to help us.

Sara Margulis: So we had walked into the tank with kind of our idea of like how much equity we were willing to give away. And you know, if you’ve watched Shark Tank, you kind of say like, I want, you know, 400,000 for 10% of my company.

Right. well they, Robert and Barbara both wanted something like 30% and we were like, that’s just our line in the sand was 25. So we, countered at 25. Robert was just like, that’s ridiculous. And Kevin just swooped in and he said, look, I’ll give you a loan. I’m gonna take no equity. You just have to pay me back three times what I’m gonna loan you.

And that’s what we did. And he, to this day, like he got paid back in the first few years, we gave him a little option, stock options, so that, you know, he would be aligned with us in the long term. But, it was an amazing deal. Wow. That’s

Christa Innis: awesome. And I’m sure that also, like, even though it wasn’t.

Your vision at first of going on Reality tv, I’m sure it gave you kinda like an extra boost of being like, wow, this is like really gonna take off now. This is really awesome that Oh yeah. Someone believes in it. Oh yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I mean, our traffic went crazy the night of the airing, even though we were up against the World Series and like some, football games that night.

It was a Friday night. our site crashed, you know, even though we had prepared and did everything we thought we could do to be ready for the traffic. and yeah, we definitely like, grew a lot after Shark Tank and to this day continue to get a little bump every time the reruns come around on CNBC.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, I love that. That’s awesome. so what do you think your, like biggest challenge has been, either like with starting up the business or now to this day? Like it. Getting the business out there or explaining it to new couples. what do you think that kind of challenge or hurdle has been?

Sara Margulis: Oh my gosh. I mean, how much time do we have, Christa? it’s been a 20 year journey. I would say the biggest challenge in the beginning was figuring out the monetization model. Like we just wanted couples to be able to get money for their honeymoon and not have to pay any fees. there’s not a lot of like revenue for a business and that model.

Right, right. finding a way to continue to offer either the lowest fees or no fees, to couples while still being able to, earn revenue and, employ a team, was a very, very long journey. And we actually just kind of cracked the code on it this year, with the honey fund MasterCard.

So you can now, receive the gifts. You pay no transaction fees when the gifts come into your wallet. And then when you are ready to, cash out your fund, you can move the money to a prepaid MasterCard and spend it. Anywhere around the globe that MasterCard’s accepted for no fees at all. So that was a big deal, that was like huge.

 and then, you know, couples can also cash out to PayPal, Venmo for a small fee, but it’s the lowest in the industry. And again, like our commitment is just, we want couples to get every cent that they got from their wedding guests and put it towards their honeymoon or whatever their savings goal is.

Christa Innis: I love that.

Sara Margulis: So that was a challenge. the other one I would say, biggest by far, well two that came back to back first our split. and when Josh exited the business, that was really hard. and, just emotionally difficult. Transitioning the team, or notifying really the team and kind of helping them make the transition to new tech leadership.

 and then right after that, COVID hit and our revenue dropped off a cliff overnight. like weddings and honeymoons canceled. but in the end, that was a catalyst for growth for us because we went out and did a crowdfunding raise. and our past couples and wedding guests who’ve given on the platform our followers, Kevin’s followers all together, bought in for a $1.5 million and, helped us grow the company from, the wreckage of COVID to, what we’re doing today, which is 120,000 couples a year and $80 million in gifting.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. I’m sure like COVID was such a challenging time for so many businesses, and I can only imagine when it comes to like weddings. Like we had a few different friends that were supposed to get married that year and venues just randomly closed and they wouldn’t hear any news and vendors weren’t really sure what was going on, so I Oh, it was so awful.

Sara Margulis: Yeah, it was, I mean, that so stressful. So many vendors and just wedding related companies in general, revenue just disappeared. And some of them were on the hook for, money that they spent with venues or whatever else. It was awful.

Cash Gifts, Etiquette, and the Fine Line Between Asking and Expecting

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. before we get to, I’m gonna do rapid fire next, but, what is your main piece of advice for brides, grooms, anyone getting married right now when it comes to setting up a registry?

What is your biggest tip, or piece of advice?

Sara Margulis: I would say like, don’t be afraid to do a cash registry or a honeymoon fund. I know some couples are still a little bit more traditional about it. Or worry that their friends and family won’t, be open to the idea. But like I said, everybody who’s ever used Honey fund, their friends and family went crazy for it and like loved giving the gifts and raped about the idea.

So, don’t be afraid to do that. On the flip side, I think there’s a generation of couples coming in now that are, a little bit too, like ready to ask for cash and just slap in their Venmo QR code on their invitation, and they’re like, whoa, okay, we gotta hold our horses here. This is like from an etiquette standpoint, like a little sticky. and we, built Honey Fund to really take all of those etiquette considerations into account. So, you know, your friends and family really feel like they’re shopping from a registry and not just dumping cash into your wallet, right? So, we think Honey Fun strikes the sweet spot between those two and, friends and family, they just wanna get you what you want.

You really said it at the beginning of the episode. Why wouldn’t they wanna support your dreams and get excited about funding your trip? so yeah, that would be my biggest piece of advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and you, it’s not fun. ’cause we’ll make it easy for you to do it in an etiquette, approved way.

Christa Innis: yeah. For sure. I totally agree with what you say because I feel like still to this day, it should not be an expectation that someone’s gonna just hand you cash or hand you money. Absolutely. People, of course, most people in your, family and friends want to give some kind of wedding gift.

Mm-hmm. I’ve never personally, seen a Venmo thing on an invite, but I have heard of a lot of people and like, stories people have sent me. Mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: And

Christa Innis: I’ve seen a lot of stories about high expectations of like, I’m the bride, give me your money, give gifts. Right. And I feel like there’s definitely a right way to do it.

Mm-hmm. Because like. I remember when I got engaged, I was like, I’m not, I don’t expect anything. But so many, so many family friends were reaching out, saying like, send me a registry. Like before I even did it, they were like, oh, I can’t wait to, you know? Mm-hmm. What are you looking for? And so people will want to, but yeah, it’s, there’s a right time and a place of like how, how to do it, for sure.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. And I think the biggest horror stories around gifting come from. sense that the couple isn’t grateful or they expect you to spend a certain amount of money to cover the cost of your plate or something. And I say like, first of all, never spend money that you aren’t a hundred percent comfortable spending.

Never plan a wedding that you feel like if we don’t get this certain number of gifts, we’re not gonna be able to cover this. Like, that’s not okay. If you, if you need money to plan your wedding, you can do wedding funding on honey fund, you could add some things to your registry that are gonna help you, like flowers or, you know, open bar or whatever the costs are, and invite your closer in circle to help fund those, because those are the people that are gonna help you cover the cost of your wedding anyway, right?

Mm-hmm. and then, when it comes to, like, gifting, strict etiquette says that’s at the discretion of the giver, that you should never expect anything. And if you do, It’s not gonna be good for your relationship with your closest friends and family. People love you the most.

It’s gonna put a sour taste in their mouths and you don’t wanna do that to everyone you love at once.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Don’t, not a good, don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding. Right. Look at them as people, if you’d rather have someone there because they’re gonna give you a big check, then you shouldn’t be inviting them.

Right. And I feel like people get lost in that a lot of times. Like they think about like, oh, I want a big wedding ’cause of this. And it’s like, no. Like you should be more excited to have them there versus a gift.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: for sure. I actually just read, I feel like I was either a Reddit story or someone sent it to me about getting invited to a wedding where it clearly stated on the invitation it said, you are required to pay for your plate.

And it gave the cost of the plate and they, and it was like all these really strict rules and that was one where I was like, oh,

Sara Margulis: okay,

Christa Innis: that’s

Sara Margulis: okay. So

Christa Innis: much. We’re getting a little, a little forward with that.

Sara Margulis: To me, that sounds like, one of those mock weddings they do for like wedding vendors or something.

It doesn’t sound like a real wedding to me. I can’t even imagine actually. Yeah, putting that on there. and there’s so many ways to make a wedding happen at any budget. We have actually a lot of templates for low cost, a thousand dollars, $5,000 weddings on Honeyman’s blog. you can have a wedding in a park on a Thursday afternoon with an officiant and you know, your 20 closest friends and family and a cake.

And you know it’s not about all the pomp and circumstance. It’s not about the decorations or the number of people or the chicken or the fish. It’s about you and your person really being authentic about like, what can we afford to spend? What kind of vibe do we want? Who do we want to be there?

Ultimately, like you said, it’s about the marriage. It’s not about the one big day. And if you’re only doing it before the day, then you know, you kind of have to ask yourself like, what am I gonna do when it’s over? Like, do I wanna be married to this person? You know, those are the tough questions.

Yeah. When it comes to getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Sit together and go through what’s most important for you. What do you wanna spend more money on?

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: cause I just did like a rapid fire recently that was like, what’s more important for like me? It was like the dress or spend more on the honeymoon.

I was like, honeymoon all the way. Oh yeah. I didn’t even get a super expensive dress. I was like, I knew wear for one day. Yeah. I’d rather go go owl out on the honeymoon.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I actually sold my dress after the wedding. ’cause I was like, I don’t have a place to store this. You know? It’s not like it was some dream dress that, I loved it.

It was beautiful and I’ve got all the pictures, but like, let some other bride enjoy it for a good price. You know, that was kind of my, yeah. Yeah. It’s like, I

Christa Innis: love that.

Sara Margulis: Re reduce, reuse, recycle kind of California vibes over here.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. I should honestly do that with some of my bridesmaid dresses.

I have so many bridesmaid

Sara Margulis: outfits. There you go. Oh my gosh. Right. I’ve used them for Halloween costumes.

Christa Innis: That’s a great idea. You know what the funny thing is I’ve given away, so I’ve been in 10 weddings and I’ve given away two, and I was literally looking for one this year and it’s one I got rid of and I was like, darn it for Halloween, because I was gonna, Belinda.

Oh. I was like, oh, I had a pink dress. And I was like, that would’ve perfect. I don’t know where it is. I think I got rid of it.

Sara Margulis: Oh man. I wanna offer one more piece of advice. This came up recently. Mm-hmm. in the news. People like wonder, like why do I need a honey fund? Can’t I just have like a honeymoon contribution box like on the day of my event and just have people bring cash or checks or whatever, which is like, a totally legitimate question, but it’s not very secure and there are plenty of stories of couples having all their cash gifts stolen at the wedding.

so, making it available to your friends and family ahead of time. First of all, make sure that everybody’s got access to the gift, whether they can come or not. Second of all, it’s secure. you’re gonna get the money for free anyway, so it’s not like you have to try to skirt the system. and you can put a QR code on your, gift table for people who hadn’t gotten it, in ahead of time to, send you a little bit something through your honey fund.

Christa Innis: I love that for someone like me, I love when couples have one because I don’t carry checks. Yeah. So I, yeah, I’m such a, I don’t know if I’m, I think I’m like a middle millennial. Maybe I’m younger, millennial, I don’t know. But I don’t carry checks. So when there’s a wedding coming up, it’s like I have to make an extra trip to the bank, or I get a bunch of cash out and I’m like, oh my gosh, like you are gonna have a couple hundred bucks in a card.

That’s like very risky to me. So I love when they offer a honey fund because it’s so much easier for me to be like, just do it right from my phone. Like, that’s so much easier. I get a card still, I put it on the table and I write like little note, like, check your honey fund, or you know, or whatever.

Sometimes I do that. Love it. but it’s so much easier. Yeah. Sounds good. And we had that too, like even like a couple people that couldn’t make it to our wedding. the day of like they were sick or their kids were sick and they just like sent something and then we just got like an email and it was like, so sorry.

And then they sent their gift that way. So it was like, even if you couldn’t be there, it’s just like an easier way. We all have access on our phones. lot of us don’t have checks anymore. Mm-hmm. Or carry around cash. A lot of us don’t carry around cash.

Sara Margulis: so many people now just don’t ever carry cash. And like, I usually have a little cash, but like, not enough when I usually want it.

I don’t have it, so. Yep. It’s so funny. You just have everything with your phone now.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh yeah. The ease. So, or like at

Sara Margulis: Whole Foods you can use your palm to pay. I’m not into that yet, but, oh, that’s a, we’ll have to look into that as a feature for honey fund, like gift table. Like just be with your palm, just put

Christa Innis: hand.

Technology is wild. It scares me sometimes, but it’s a hundred percent Cool.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Wedding Industry Pressure & FOMO Marketing Gone Wild

Christa Innis: Okay. We are gonna go into rapid fire. It’s honeymoon, and kind of like CEO edition, so there’s kinda like mixed in there. Okay. Let’s do it. Okay. What’s a realistic honeymoon budget for most couples?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I love this. so I’ll give you some averages and then I’ll give you some ranges.

So, average honeymoon budget right now is $6,500. This is a survey of H Fund couples, that has gone up considerably since pre COVID. Wow. 2,700 I, or 3000 I think was the sort of typical amount to spend prior to COVID, and a much larger wedding budget. That’s almost flipped now where you have, $6,500 honeymoons and like maybe 12, $15,000 weddings.

So people are just allocating a much bigger portion of available funds to their honeymoon. And I think you nailed it when you said like, yeah, we know what we’re doing for our honeymoon. You know, a lot of couples I asked today that are newly engaged, Where are you gonna get married?

What month? Blah, blah. They don’t know any of that. Where are you going on your honeymoon? We’re going to Thailand. Mm-hmm. Like, they already know. You know what I mean? So it’s interesting. Yes.

Christa Innis: I love that. I’ve noticed that too. I feel like it’s definitely changed a little bit and I think people are getting more creative with where they’re going.

I feel like it used to be like, my parents’ generation, it was like Hawaii. I think everyone went to Hawaii. Oh yes, yes. And we even looked at Hawaii and it was so expensive. So we ended up doing like all-inclusive resort. But yeah, I just feel like there’s a lot more emphasis on realizing like.

Planning this trip is like really important. Mm-hmm. Even if you can only do a couple days mm-hmm. Somewhere. Mm-hmm. Just to like plan something a little getaway. I love that. Yep. Should you save for the honeymoon before or after the wedding? Should

Sara Margulis: you save for it before or after?

 it really depends on, when you wanna take the honeymoon. I’m a big fan of long engagements that allow you to start setting money aside from each of your paychecks every month to kind of build a seed fund for your wedding and honeymoon. and then of course your H fund, you know, contributions are gonna help you cover it too.

So if you’re planning to go right after your wedding, I think you wanna have a financial plan around your honeymoon, like six months ahead of the wedding. So what we’re doing now is we’re offering, couples a 0% interest credit card offer so that they can get that booked but not have to pay it back until after, the wedding, when their honey fund gifts come in.

Oh, great. So, yeah, I think you need a financial plan and if you can save, one to two years ahead of your wedding and honeymoon, absolutely. Start doing that. Mm-hmm. if you know you’re not gonna be able to honeymoon until six months or a year after. continue to save until that time comes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And put it on your calendar just so you Yes, absolutely. Put something or let it slide off. You gotta

Sara Margulis: book it. You gotta ask for the time off. You gotta make sure everyone in your life knows, like, these are our honeymoon dates. Don’t plan somebody else’s wedding during this time, or whatever. Right? Yes.

Christa Innis: what’s the biggest honeymoon money mistake you think couples make?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I think it can be really easy to, with all of the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding for the honeymoon, planning to fall through the cracks, and then you maybe are scrambling to plan it a little too late and you’re not getting access to the best prices.

So kind of making sure that you have a honeymoon planning sort of timeline that’s happening alongside your wedding planning. deciding early where you wanna go, finding out the best time of year to travel there. when flights are gonna be most reasonable, when hotel rooms are gonna be most reasonable.

And, planning well ahead I think is the best way to save money in most cases in life in general. Yes. But certainly with travel planning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. Yeah. It’s funny ’cause like one of the weddings I was in, my friend is such a planner that like, I think we all booked for Her bachelorette party was in Miami, not Miami. Sarasota, siesta Key. I love Sarasota. I think we all had our flights booked. Like she had exactly where she, like, she planned it herself as the bride. She’s like, I found these two houses we’re gonna rent. I found these flights. They’re like this cheap.

And like, because it was so in advance, it was such a good price for everything. She knew the right season to go. She knew the right time. Like I think we went like four months before her actual wedding, just ’cause the timing was right. Wow. so you can actually do pretty well, especially with flights and stuff like saving money.

Buying on travel Tuesday versus like Yes. Last minute flights. Yes. yeah. So smart and

Sara Margulis: there’s so much tech now that can tell you, it can alert you when flight prices drop. It can help you with like different types of connections that can save you money. Like, I would say definitely if you like travel planning, like start on it as soon as possible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I didn’t ask this one before, but we kind of talked about it, about like having your honeymoon as a part of your wedding budget. Do you think those should be two separate budgets or just like one big and then figure out how much you wanna allocate?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, I mean, realistically speaking, it’s all one budget, which is your combined financial picture, right?

And so you have to ask yourself, when we wake up the morning after our wedding night, how much money do we wanna have in the bank for? The next step in life, whether that’s buying a home or paying off debt or going and doing a master’s program or something. your financial life never, ends, right?

You have to be constantly planning ahead. we actually have a worksheet, it’s called the one page wedding plan, where you just sit down and like think about, okay, how much money do we have in the bank now? How much time do we have to save? How much do we expect friends and family to be able to contribute and then helps you allocate that financial picture across all the different things.

And like I said, you know, what we’re finding is couples are allocating so much more of their overall budget picture to the honeymoon these days than they used to. Mm-hmm. And a lot less on the wedding because they just, number one, it’s like impossible to afford. we just did a bunch of research on destination weddings and we learned that couples are holding destination weddings within the US just to go to a more affordable wedding market.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s,

Sara Margulis: isn’t that interesting?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And kind of then just turning that trip into their honeymoon Probably. Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Not nec. No, they’re not even, they’re still taking a separate honeymoon, but they’re having a destination wedding just because wherever they live is just too expensive to plan a wedding.

Yeah. Isn’t that fascinating?

Christa Innis: And it’s wild how it changes from state to state. Yes, definitely. I’m in Wisconsin and I think they’re, I mean, we went pretty affordable for ours, so I think, I shouldn’t say, or affordable, it was still on the, it was still up there, but, I hear like California or New York price, like downtown New York prices.

I’m like, woo. New York though.

Sara Margulis: the New York wedding industry is almost a completely different beast all on its own and it influences so much of the rest of the industry, I think really unfairly, because the big sites like the Knot and WeddingWire, you know, are out of New York and.

It’s just not real. it’s just New York. like I said, you can do a wedding in a public park with no venue cost, you know, with your friend ordained online, no efficient cost at a cake that you buy at Whole Foods or whatever your local grocery store like what you need is your love.

That’s it. and you can build from there. If you kind of start with this like, okay, what’s like the minimum? We need to do this? And then just build from there. Okay, this is important to us. That’s important to us. Yeah. We can afford that. Yeah. We’re willing to spend our money on that. you’ll come up with something that I think is truly authentic and fun and unique for your friends and family and like so supportive of your financial picture and your future together.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve been to some beautiful weddings that were like DIY. Under a tent and it looked great. And it’s just about having that eye and it’s intimate, it’s small. Yeah. And then I’ve been to huge weddings that they spent a lot of money and they were beautiful, but that was what was important to them.

Right. And it looked great and they had the funds for it. Right. Right. And I think a lot of it is like comparison and people follow these, like, influencers in New York and they’re like, oh my gosh, that’s how much I have to spend. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna go broke. And it’s like, no. Yeah, you don’t have to do that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Actually, I’m gonna tell you a quick little side story right now because, I’ve been working with a reporter that, writes for the New York Times for a couple years on a story about the real cost of weddings. And I don’t mean like the super expensive New York weddings, I mean everyday weddings that couples are having that are so cool and unique and financially accessible.

And the fact that like 30,000 might still be the average, but it’s not actually the most common budget anymore. that’s skewed by like very, very expensive. Like the New York weddings we’re talking about. and just, kind of like resetting expectations about what it actually cost you to plan a wedding.

The story that came out was like, completely not that. It was just like, this is why weddings are so expensive and this is where you’re gonna have to spend. And I was just like pulling my hair. I’m like, no, this, it’s just an unrealistic, like expectation and it’s a false sort of like, I don’t know.

I think it’s misleading. I really encourage couples not to buy into it because it’s just like any other industry or business, you know? Mm-hmm. They’re gonna try to get you to feel like if I don’t do that, I’m gonna regret it forever. That sort of emotional, sort of FOMO based marketing in the wedding industry really gets my blood boiling.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, for sure. I work in marketing too, and I feel like I can seek stuff like that out. it’s funny ’cause even like, some sales stuff, I feel like my husband’s so quick to be like, oh, that’s a great deal. And I’ll be like, weren’t they just that? You know, like I can, kind of scope some of that stuff up.

Yeah,

Sara Margulis: it kind of goes to like, back, and I don’t even know if they say this anymore, but like, back to like engagement rings, they’d be like, oh, he should spend six months of his salary on an engagement ring, or her dress should cost this much. And it’s just like, why are we setting these expectations for other people?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not knowing their job, their budget, their interests.

Sara Margulis: yeah,

Christa Innis: for me, like I just said, like my dress was, I wanted a beautiful dress. Yes. But I did not wanna spend $10,000 or $5,000 on a dress. That just wasn’t me.

Sara Margulis: I know. And I’m so glad you mentioned diamonds because, They have these beautiful lab grown diamonds now literally can’t tell the difference.

Nobody would know. Even like a moist aite is like gorgeous. like I have a five carat moist aite that I wear a lot, and I have to be careful when I wear it because people are like, damn, she’s got money. You know, like if I had it to do over again, I would, be smart about where to put that money because we did some math on like the typical or the, quote, average wedding price of $35,000.If you invested that on day one of your marriage, you would have 1.2 million for retirement so, like that’s what you’re not getting by spending that much money on your wedding day. When you think about it that way, it’s like a totally different perspective, you know? Yeah.

It makes you make different choices.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s wild. You got, it’s like you gotta take the pressure off of like take off the blinders of what everyone’s trying to tell you to do and just yeah. Look at what’s in front of you. Talk to your partner. Yeah. What do we wanna do? Yeah. Like, you know, everybody else.

It’s definitely easy to fall into the trap of like, well, they got married in this palace and it was so beautiful. And it’s like, is that feasible?

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Like, you

Christa Innis: wanna get married there,

Sara Margulis: or,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Sara Margulis: Right. I mean, yes, of course we all want to stay in the most luxurious, you know, villa on our trips or whatever, but like, you can have an incredible experience and make it affordable.

And that’s why, you know, on Honeyfund, you’re not gonna find that kind of like FOMO based, like marketing messaging. You’re not gonna find this whole world of like these real weddings that are just way out of your price point and make you feel like less than. We just help you share the details of your, day, get some money to help fund your, wedding or honeymoon or whatever savings goal.

We have RSVP and guest management. We try to just be like a simple alternative to those like

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: Overblown wedding planning sites.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. All right. I got a little sidetracked from the rapid fire, but so did

Sara Margulis: I. That wasn’t rapid at all. Yeah,

Rapid Fire Truths: Honeymoon Planning, Timing, and Money Mistakes

Christa Innis: I know. I love it. Okay, I’ll do a couple more and then we’ll get into this week’s story submission.

Okay. So now we’re running a little, a little late. Okay. let’s see. Do you think couples should delay the honeymoon to save money or take it right away and then we kinda just talked about this, but

Sara Margulis: Delay it [honeymoon] only if it’s gonna make it like a much better trip for you and it’s gonna cost you less, but otherwise take it right away.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: What’s your thought on like surprise honeymoons? Because I’ve seen a couple times where there’s surprise honeymoons, whether it’s like the groom plans it or someone a family member plans it for the couple. What are your thoughts on that?

Sara Margulis: If it’s a travel planner doing it and they’ve interviewed you extensively about what kind of trip you want? Yes. Or if you both just love to be surprised. Yes. Otherwise hell no.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That was my thought when I first read about a story like that, I was like, I would hate that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. No, let, let me plan more on that. Unless you’re both like that personality or like I said, somebody whose job it is to plan awesome trips and, make sure you love it, but not like an in-law or a friend.

No way. Jose,

Christa Innis: right? Yes. You’ve been on one of their great trips and you’re like, okay, I know what they know what they’re doing. Yes. Yes. I’ll do that. Okay. I love that. 

The Wedding Calm Before the Chaos.

Christa Innis: Okay. Let’s get to this week’s wedding story submission. Here we go. Feel free to stop me at any time or we’ll kind of just pause and react.

Okay. Okay. Going into my wedding day, I was honestly bracing for chaos. Knowing my mother-in-law, I was sure something would go down. I’d experienced her episodes before and let’s just say I have some stories. Seriously, let me know if you want more. She has a long history of taking her anger towards her ex-husbands out on my husband and I truly thought she might ruin our day, especially because she was going to be there alongside her first husband and his wife and her second husband and his wife.

A full soap opera cast y’all. But somehow against all odds, the wedding itself was perfect. Not a single issue. Everyone behaved. It was peaceful, joyful, and completely drama free. That’s amazing. I was like, you glad your job free

Sara Margulis: to. Thanks

Christa Innis: so much. Story over

Sara Margulis: Christa.

Christa Innis: It was great talking to you. That was it.

Stolen Car Keys, Police Threats, and a Mother-in-Law Meltdown

Alright. Yeah, yeah. How disappointing would that be if people are like, okay, I’m ready. And I’m like, drama free guys. There was nothing for the first time ever. Yeah. she goes until the next morning. So at least the mom held it off the wedding day, which is on the wedding day, which I would say it’s pretty polite to like, you know?

Mm-hmm. Bare minimum, but yeah. Okay. For some, like her, she had gifted us a hotel room at Embassy Suites for wedding night. Very thoughtful. What we didn’t know, she also booked herself a room at the same hotel. So the morning after, my husband and I head down for what we think will be our first quiet breakfast together as newlyweds.

We walk in and there she is frantically waving from across the breakfast lounge. We were stunned, but okay. We go over and say hi. She invites us to eat with her. we didn’t really want to, but out of politeness, we sit down. See, for me, I’m like, we all, actually, I think my husband and I stayed at like a bed and breakfast in the same tone, but we ended up going to the hotel to like go see everybody.

Yeah. You

Sara Margulis: wanted to see these people. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn’t sound like this bride wanted to see her mother-in-law the next morning.

Christa Innis: Right. It sounds to me like. She almost made it sound like the mother-in-law when she booked it, made it sound like, oh, I got you guys a nice room over at the Embassy Suites.

Mm-hmm. So they’re like, oh, awesome. This is really nice. Right. We walk down, surprise. Yeah. Small talk starts and then she drops it. So how was your first night? We awkwardly respond fine. What else do you say to your mom-in-law? And then the real drama begins? She says, I need a ride to the airport. 

Mind you, there were over 20 family members staying nearby, all flying out that day. Any one of them could have taken her, but she insists that we, the just married couple must do it even though it would add two hours to our already nine hour drive to our honeymoon in Orlando. Oh my God. We respectfully decline and offer to pay a hundred dollars for a cab instead.

That’s when she completely loses it. Right there in the lobby, in front of staff, in front of other guests. She calls us selfish saying We’re ungrateful for the $300 room she paid for. Then she tells us she’s keeping our car keys to my husband’s BMW, which she had driven the night before until we change our minds.

Oh my goodness. Wow. Oh wow. So this is like a full on like tantrum now to like get Yeah.

Sara Margulis: I just, I can’t even imagine like ruining someone’s morning after like that. what in the world. It’s like she

Christa Innis: had this planned all along to be like, oh, I’m gonna make this hotel room for them, so that’s gonna be my nice deed.

Right. But I’ll be there. Yeah. they have no other choice but to drive me.

Sara Margulis: Ugh. God, I’m kind of speechless, to be honest. Krisa like, first of all, nobody has any business expecting anything from a wedding couple in the first couple weeks of marriage. Like they’re in their honeymoon phase, like, second of all, like I don’t imagine the mother-in-law is thinking ahead of like, okay, well this is my daughter-in-law now forever, hopefully. and like I’m gonna start my relationship with her as her official mother-in-law by being a total bee. Like, I just don’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. That’s what always confuses me about these kind of stories.

I’m like, don’t they want to see their son or child more? And I feel like they don’t realize or think through that. Like, if they act this way, they’re gonna see them less and less because no one’s gonna wanna be around them.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s honestly as the mother of, both a son and a daughter, and having a brother too.

It’s different for the mother of the groom. because in families, you know, women often kind of take the lead on social stuff and they tend to just be more comfortable with and gravitate towards their own family. So you’re gonna find your, precious baby boy spending less time with you and more time with her family.

Right. And that’s just kind of the way life is. so I think if you wanna mitigate that, you gotta be pretty nice. Yes. Yeah. if you just wanna throw a tantrum about that Sure. Throw your tantrum, but it’s not gonna help you make it better.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, exactly. she screams it’s your duty as my only son to protect me and get me to the airport and storms off with our keys.

Also knowing that they have to drive to their honeymoon already nine hours away. I know. I’m like, I wanna buy them a plane ticket right now. I know, I know. And it’s not like this is like an airport down the road. She’s, they said another two hours to the airport, or at least one there, one back.

Sara Margulis: and, but I’m like psychologically breaking down this woman, like the line like, you’re my only son.

You have to protect me, is exactly what the mother of a son would be afraid of, that now all of a sudden, all the attention she got from her son is now gonna go to this new wife and she’s gonna be left alone. I, I mean look, all the villains have a backstory, right? Like mm-hmm. Does not excuse the behavior, but you can kind of see how that somebody with not great skills, and anger management problems would be like acting this way if they’re afraid of losing their kid, you know?

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that you said that because one of my most popular like storylines that I’m doing the Ferris and Sloan one, I’m doing the prequel right now of like. The whole thing starts with like, she wants to invite herself on like her son and his girlfriend at the Time’s, like vacation. Yeah.

She’s like, I wanna come. It’s like he’s gonna propose she wants to go. And it’s this whole storyline. And so I’m doing the prequel now. Like it, I did three seasons of it. People like ate it up. They love the story. Oh, that’s so cool. And it’s so, yeah. It’s been so much fun. And so I’m in the prequel now, kind of showing like how she was raised.

Oh. And like kind of showing all that. And that’s the thing we keep saying is like, it doesn’t excuse the behavior, it’s just explaining it.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Where this, I feel like the first season of White Lotus had a mother-in-law like this where she showed up on their honeymoon, right? In Hawaii. Wait, yeah.

I’m trying to think. I love White Lotus. I’m trying to think of It’s the best. It’s, yeah, the first season was in Hawaii and there was, that couple where the, husband was kind of a jerk and his mom shows up on the honeymoon. And the mom was played by somebody from SNLI wanna say.

Christa Innis: like who was the cast?

Sara Margulis: That was the one with, Aubrey. What’s her name? I’m so bad at remembering actors’ names.

Christa Innis: Um, Aubrey Plaza. Yeah, she was, or was she in the second season in, Italy, I think, right? Oh yeah,

Sara Margulis: that’s right. Yeah. Was

Christa Innis: it Italy?

Sara Margulis: Wait, hold on. Yeah. Italy was season two. Thailand was season three. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Yes. the one with Molly Shannon.

Sara Margulis: Molly Shannon played the mother-in-law. Exactly.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Yeah. I need to go back and watch it, but showed up on the honeymoon. Yeah, you gotta go back and watch it. Oh, that’s wild. I kind of forgot about that storyline, that one was probably the best season.

It was so good. They’re all so good. They’re all so good. Yeah. I have to go back and watch that. It is like a very popular trope of like Yes. That she can’t distance herself. yeah. She can’t let go of her son.

Sara Margulis: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And especially like this one, it shows like both of her ex-husbands are there with their new wife, so I’m sure that adds to the like, I need you son.

Like, you’re my man. You’re my guy. Yes. Which

Sara Margulis: is also just so creepy and weird.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s that enmeshment of like, yes. You can’t see herself as a separate person from. Exactly. she said the hotel. Okay. We’re not even done with

Sara Margulis: the story yet.

Christa Innis: Okay. Keep going. No, there’s a little bit more. Okay. She said the hotel staff was just standing there wide-eyed.

We go to the front desk. The woman working had seen everything and was incredibly kind. We asked her to call my mother-in-law’s room since she was ignoring our calls, so she literally ran away with their keys to her room. Wow. She does. And when my husband gets on the phone, my mother-in-law is yelling so loudly that people can hear her without speakerphone.

Wow. She refuses to return the keys. At this point, we’re wasting our honeymoon morning. So we text her, leave the keys at the front desk. They know it’s our car. If not, we’ll file a police report. We pack up and decide to take my car instead. At least they both have a car there.

As we head toward the lot, I suddenly hear my husband say, Kat, get in the car now. I run to the car. And just in time to see her sprinting towards him, and she throws the keys at his face. Oh my God, this is wild. I’m like picturing this in like a parking

Sara Margulis: lot. Wow. the words that I wanna use right now are not suitable for podcasts, but Oh wow.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. that is insane. It’s because she didn’t get what she wanted. She thought by them saying like she thought. By her like withholding the keys. They’d be like, okay, you know what, we’ll

Sara Margulis: take you. They’d have to do what she wanted and good for them, honestly, as a team for setting a boundary.

Because issues with in-laws come up all the time, all day, every day. Right. And like when it comes to a marriage, a marriage is different than just like being boyfriend girlfriend or dating someone because you really, really have to have each other’s back first before anyone else in your life. That’s what makes marriage work.

And, avoid talking about tough stuff that you’re going through with them, with your family, even a lot of your friends, because it’s gonna set up this sort of like, me versus him, kind of a dynamic. Yeah. When you’re really, I love what this couple did. They stuck together. they called the bluff.

They were like, look, we’re not gonna let your tantrum throw off our day. leave our keys or, you know, we’ll act accordingly and. It worked like good for them. That was like honestly some of the best like training for marriage right there. and they passed the test.

Christa Innis: They leaped over that hurdle.

Literally they did it, they really did handle it very well of just being like, you know what, like almost treating it like, a toddler. Okay. Yeah. If you’re gonna act that way, we’re gonna just figure out, we’re gonna keep going this way because you’re just not Sorry. You know what

Sara Margulis: I wanna do? I don’t know if you can do this, but like I would really love to send them a little gift and like congratulate them on getting through that in a graceful way.

Christa Innis: I’ll have to see. Yeah. When they like sent it. I do have their, this person’s information, so I’ll have to see like when they sent it. But we have these really sweet Honey Ben Stanley’s

Sara Margulis: that we could send them.

Choosing Peace Over Chaos (Even When It’s Family)

Christa Innis: Oh, cute. Oh, I love that. That’s so cute. She then storms off again. I check on him. We get in the car and finally we drive off.

Still married, still heading to our honeymoon, but absolutely stunned. And sadly, this wasn’t the last of it over the past 10 years. Okay. So this was 10 years ago. Wow.

Sara Margulis: Oh my God. Noticed. This was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: We’ve dealt with stunt after stunt, emotional manipulation, dramatic scenes, chaos at every family gathering.

But this was the first of many wild moments. She’s thrown our way. And finally, this year, for the sake of our children, we’ve made the decision to significantly limit contact. Wow. So it took 10 years of manipulation and dramatic scenes, all that stuff to finally be like, okay, you’re limited.I don’t even know if I’d want someone like that around my children knowing they’re gonna throw something or

Sara Margulis: It’s hard.

Yeah. It’s hard

Christa Innis: having

Sara Margulis: problematic grandparents. The kids figure it out though, you know, they make their own decisions. Like, eh, we don’t like hanging out with that person.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like kids are so in tune to people. Mm-hmm. That they’re just like, they go with their gut for sure. They’re not like adults where we can kind of like smile and be okay. They’re like, no, I don’t want. Yeah, yeah, exactly. so she just ends with saying, because peace is better than chaos and eventually boundaries have to be drawn, even if it takes a decade to get there. And then she said, PS I love all your stories.

I relate to Sloan. So the story I was telling you about has Ferris and Sloan. So she says, I relate to Sloane, which is. Funny.

Sara Margulis: That’s awesome. Wow. Well, that’s a wild story. That’s I the twist of the 10 years later at the end. I was not expecting that. That was great.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure that image, like is still in her head so fresh because it was such a high intense moment.

 and I love how he protected her too in those moments. He was like, with her on the boundary, he was like, I’m protecting you. Yeah. but I still have a lot of questions like how you would keep, I mean, I’m sure it’s very nuanced and very complicated, but it’s like after that, like what was the next step after that?

You know, they go on their honeymoon, it’s just like, is the mom still not understanding she did anything wrong? And yeah. How you keep that going for 10 years?

Sara Margulis: It’s so hard to like deal with children in grownup bodies. Yeah. But I think having kids probably gave them a new perspective on like her behavior and like, oh, we’re just actually dealing with a child here, and you gotta have boundaries.

Yep. Yeah. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Well, all right, well,

Sara Margulis: thank you for sharing that story. That was fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That was, I mean, not for

Sara Margulis: them, but, you know. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s always like a twisted and seen coming. yeah. But yeah, I know we get so many stories and I’m always just like, they shock me every time. It’s wild. Wow.

Wow. what helps, I feel like a lot of people tell me too, they’re like, it actually helped. They’ll say this like, helped me to write it all out. They’re like, I never told anyone it this way. Hmm. it really helped me get through my feelings or understand like, whoa, this was really toxic. Because when you’re in the moment, sometimes you don’t see it that way.

Oh, for sure.

Sara Margulis: lose perspective.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. So I always like to end these with a couple of confessions that people send me on social media. So let’s read

Sara Margulis: Ooh Confessions. I love it.

Christa Innis: All right. It says, at my sister’s wedding, one of her bridesmaids didn’t get her a gift, and I thought that was kind of weird.

What are your thoughts on that? Like, if you’re in someone’s wedding mm-hmm. Should you automatically get them a gift?

Sara Margulis: there’s more to consider in this situation than just a typical wedding guest, because that bridesmaid’s already gone to some, probably considerable expense to bring the gift of her presence to the wedding, right?

however, and I’ve been in that situation at a time in my life, in my twenties when I didn’t really have a lot of money to get a gift. But what I would do is I would like, make something, or like buy something similar to what they registered for that I could afford. I think just the token gift, something meaningful and like,

 personal mm-hmm. Shows that you are celebrating their, day, with a gift. But again, gift is always at the discretion of the giver. And if that bridesmaid really felt like she poured her heart and her budget into that person’s wedding, and that was the gift, I don’t really think it’s something that you can hold against her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I agree. I feel like that was so well said. And I feel like there’s been weddings that, like were very DIY that I was a part of, and I done did so much, and I had the brides be like, please don’t get me a gift. Yeah. And even when I gave it to them, they ripped up the check.

Like I, one in particular, she was like, no, I’m literally not accepting this. Aw. And then I had other ones that were like, same thing. They were like, please don’t feel like you have to like, get me a gift that you would as a guest because you’ve mm-hmm. Been a part of the bachelorette party.

You bought a dress. do think it’s kind of like, murky area there. Mm-hmm. If you wanna give a gift, do it. Mm-hmm. But I guess it doesn’t feel like. I know you do put in a lot being in a wedding party as well. Yeah. And

Sara Margulis: I mean, you know, you can write the bride and ice card and say, look, being in your wedding has been such an honor.

 unfortunately I’m out of budget for like, something from your registry, but I would love to give you this handmade friendship bracelet to honor, how much you mean to me or something. Yeah. You know, just anything personal. Yeah, definitely. Yeah,

Christa Innis: because like, again, like after my wedding, I wasn’t like checking the box of like, oh, this bridesmaid or this groomsman didn’t get us a gift.

Like, I was so happy to be surrounded by our family and friends. So that was not a concern to me. they got the suit or they got the dress. I’m like, you guys are awesome. okay, lemme just read a couple more. my uncle invited random strangers to my cocktail hour.

Sara Margulis: Was that cute?

Christa Innis: I’m like, he’s like, oh, I’m single. I’m gonna

Sara Margulis: invite some people here. I’m gonna bring some rows.

Christa Innis: Oh my.

Sara Margulis: Was that it? Okay. That was it. Um, yeah, go ahead. yeah. No, it’s just, that was it. Okay. oh, okay. My uncle our cocktail hour. So that’s like after the ceremony. Before the, yeah. Huh.

Christa Innis: did they stay for the reception or are they just like hanging out just so you free drinks, you’re not allowed

Sara Margulis: to invite your own people to someone’s wedding. That’s just a no-no. Um, yeah, please don’t

Christa Innis: do that.

Sara Margulis: If you wanna bring a date and the date wasn’t explicitly like a plus one on the invitation. I’ve been in situations where I checked in with a couple about that. Like, Hey, I’m not sure the way this was written. Is this a plus one or not? but yeah, no, you don’t get to make your own.

Invitations to someone’s wedding. It’s just not the way it works.

Christa Innis: Yeah. One of our guests quit their job to attend our wedding. Whoa. That’s a friend. I mean, hopefully, or maybe it was like they were just done with this job. Yeah. And they were like, you can’t take off for the wedding.

And they were kinda like, screw you. That, that’s kind of what I’m thinking must have happened, because I’ve heard of that, where they’re just like, this is my moment. Like, I’m not missing my best friend’s wedding or something.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. But like, obviously it sucks when you can’t be in two places at once and like you really wanna, I’ve, there are weddings that I did not go to that I still regret to this day not being there.

But there was nothing I could do. it was like I was pregnant and I couldn’t fly or I think that, you know. don’t do something like that unless you already wanted to quit and you got a plan to like go get another job or whatever. And then you wanna take a few days off to like rage with your friends while they get married.

Cool. all for it. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Honestly, that sounds like something I would’ve done like maybe in my early twenties if I was just like already over a toxic job or something. Something a hundred percent. Yes. Like, get me out of here. You know what, that was my sign.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. and then you could, it’s kind of a fun story.

Like, oh yeah. You know, I quit my job for these guys. You know, it’s like you tell it for the rest of your life. Whatever. Yeah.

Christa Innis: True friend right here. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well thank you so much for coming on. It was so great meeting you after hearing like knowing so much about your brand and your company.

 I just think it’s great. I’ve talked about Honeymoon Honey. Fon honey. Oh my gosh. Honey Fund and Honeymoons. so many times on the podcast of just, I think it’s such a fun concept and how like we’re just kind of changing the concept over time of like gift giving as well.

Sara Margulis: Thank you Christa. Thank you for being a fan and supporting the cause and yeah, this was so much fun, such a different kind of podcast than I’ve ever been on before and I loved it.

Thank you so much for having me. Oh

Christa Innis: good. And for everyone listening, where can they follow you? Follow Honey Fund and see what’s coming up next?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, honey honeyfund.com you can download the app in the app stores, follow us on Instagram, TikTok. I would say we’re most active on those platforms.

And then if you’re interested in, entrepreneurship or other things like that, you could find me on LinkedIn. I write a lot of, content around, running a business and, you know, travel and relationships and you know, I’d love to connect with you.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well thank you so much.

Sara Margulis: Thanks Christa. Have a great day.

Christa Innis: You too.