wedding etiquette

A $16K Scam, a Shocking Threat, & Knowing Your Limits - with Kendra Matthies

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

They cried. They complained. They blamed everyone else. And then the check bounced.

This week’s wedding submission spirals into accusations, threats, and a bounced $16K check that leaves vendors stunned. Joined by Kendra Matthies, Christa dissects the chaos, calling out toxic wedding norms, contract misunderstandings, and entitlement disguised as innocence.

Then we dive into wedding confessions: maid of honor regrets, guest list battles, and the quiet urge to just elope. Buckle up, this one is totally WILD!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Step Back to Protect Health – The burnout no one talks about, and how constant entitlement can push vendors to their breaking point.
The $16K Wedding Scam – A venue hosts a full wedding… then the final check bounces and chaos erupts.
Cake on the Floor, Tears in the Room – Accusations fly after a cake mishap sparks emotional manipulation and blame.
“We Know the Owner” Energy – Why entitlement shows up loudest at weddings and small businesses feel it hardest.
Pastor Threats & Legal Pressure – A shocking twist involving church leadership and intimidation tactics.
Vendor Survival Tips – Kendra breaks down contracts, deposits, and protecting your business.
Elopement Temptation – Skipping the drama and choosing peace over performance.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My wedding is important to me, but I don’t expect it to be the most important thing in everyone else’s life.” – Christa Innis
“I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or not enough of a wife or a friend.” – Christa Innis
“Contracts exist because of people like this.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding was literally built on a lie.” – Christa Innis
“People love boundaries until they apply to them.” – Christa Innis
“At some point, this stops being ignorance and starts being entitlement.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to have a chronic illness to need to know your limits.” – Kendra Matthies
“Give an inch, they take a mile, every single time.” – Kendra Matthies
“If you signed the contract, that’s on you. Don’t blindly sign, consult.” – Kendra Matthies
“As a business owner, your pricing should protect you, not depend on tips.” – Kendra Matthies
“Stop expecting discounts from people you barely know.” – Kendra Matthies
“It is never worth it to put yourself in debt for a wedding.” – Kendra Matthies
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, and we’re not awake for all of them.” – Kendra Matthies

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a Michigan‑based bridal makeup artist, licensed esthetician, beauty educator, and social creator with over a million fans across social platforms. She’s built her career helping hundreds of brides glow on their big day and teaching other artists how to thrive in the beauty world, with real talk about technique, clients, and the sometimes brutal backstage truth of weddings and events.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Kendra.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, how’s it going?

Christa Innis: Good. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Kendra Matthies: It’s so great to be back. It does not feel like it’s been like what, a year since we filmed our last episode together, so I’m so excited. It’s been so cool to see how your podcast has grown.

I’ve loved watching everybody’s little interviews and everything. It’s been really entertaining, so it’s super cool to be back again.

Christa Innis: I know. I, I think the fun thing about it is just being able to connect to so many people. Like, I feel like if it weren’t for this podcast, like we would never have had like a sit down to like, talk like this or, yeah, it’s, it just makes it so fun and like forces me outta my shell too, because like, I feel like working from home, like I just like, I just have like a plan of like what I do and like a lot of times I don’t see a lot of people, so it’s a great, great way to connect.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, I won’t lie. This is the first time I’ve worn makeup in like a month beyond just like tinted SPF and some freaking mascara. I’m like, well, I better put on a face today because I’m filming an episode. So thank you for giving me a reason to get dolled up. Hey,

Christa Innis: anytime. No, you feel like people expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, like, oh, they expect me to have full face.

Kendra Matthies: So, yes, and I will say that it’s, if I’m doing makeup clients, I do try to put like a little bit more makeup on, but my day to day, I’m an esthetician. So I mean, my day to day is more like facial clients, eyebrows, lashes, things like that. And I feel like most of my clients are more regulars now where they’re coming every six to eight weeks, and I don’t think that they really care that I’m just wearing some tinted moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup clients, I think that it does. One, there is that level of professionalism. I feel, and this can be heavily debated too, like some people feel you don’t have to wear makeup as a professional makeup artist while you are doing work. But for me, I find that the very few times that I haven’t done that, I get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense, where it’s like, um, are you sure you’re gonna be able to do this? So I think being able to be like, I do know how to do makeup. Right. It’s a little bit more comforting to the person. Yeah. And a little bit more encouraging. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s probably, yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you’re hiring for someone for hair or for nails, you are looking at their hand and nails. Although I feel like whenever I get my nails done, like they’re probably just like so busy that like they are more worried about their client and less about their own. Yeah. Which makes sense for sure. So, so like we said, it’s been like a year since you’ve been on, so what’s like.

What’s been new for you? What have you kind of done over the last year that you’re like, I know you’ve been speaking at events I’ve been seeing and Yes. What’s kind of your big thing you’re working on or did the last year? So

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

Kendra Matthies: in the past year, it was a lot of traveling. I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch of different conferences. I taught a lot at different conferences around the country. Um, I did my first kind of like independent class where it wasn’t in relation to any of those, and that was really exciting. Um, but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim. I got to go to Orlando, Chicago, Denver, uh, yeah, kind of all over.

Christa Innis: Is it, is it all like. Students that go to your classes or can like anyone go to

Kendra Matthies: your class? So it is typically for the conferences and stuff, those are beauty professionals only. Okay. But people who are in cosmetology school, esthetician school, anything like that they can come to. But these ones, it is more of like just for the industry, but they’re very, very packed.

Um, so it’s definitely not like I’m feeling like I’m missing out on seeing a lot of people, which is really cool too. It definitely feels like I’m still offering a good amount of education. But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals when it comes to those types of things. I would love to do more open to the public type of classes.

Um, it’s just trying to find the time between bridal season to make that happen. Um. But yeah, so it definitely got to meet a lot of the beauty, uh, students, makeup artists, cosmetologists, hairstylists, barbers, all the things. Yeah. Uh, that follow me in person. So that was really nice. And I love doing these events.

Um, like the one that happens in Chicago. I’ve done that for, I think this is my fourth year being with them teaching. Um, and so it’s been cool to just see the growth of myself, but also when people come back and they’re taking my classes again, and now they’re telling me, you know, I, when I first came, I was still a student and now I own my own makeup studio, or I own my own salon, or I’ve been at a salon for however many years and I’m getting steady clientele.

Like, it’s just been really cool to do that. So that has been a big thing travel wise. And then just weddings. I mean, I was pretty busy this year. I did make the decision to. Kind of step back from taking every wedding. And mostly because I one was doing so much other traveling with teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability to do that, even though I did still have where I would be leaving a wedding to jump on a flight to go teach at these places. Right. Um, but I did take a step back typically in a year. You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to 60 ish weddings, but I just, that’s wild.

It’s a lot. And I made the decision last year to step back and I wanted to take only about 30 weddings just to give myself a little bit more time. Um, which I think was really smart. Uh, not just for me, but it let me learn a lot about myself and, uh. I think it was the really healthy thing for me to do and I think that it’s gonna be a good thing that I learned those things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man, like yeah, it’s so easy to get locked into the go, go, go. And once you do, take that step back, it’s like, whoa. I don’t, I guess I have been like in fight or flight for the past eight years because I’ve just been doing so many weddings. So I did make that decision. That’s something I’m moving forward with, um, in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too. I want to do more teaching this year. But yeah, so weddings last year I got to do my first couple, um, further out of state weddings, which was exciting. I got to go to New York to do a wedding. Um, so yeah, just lots. Travel was kind of the theme of last year. Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a really like common thing I hear, like, whether it’s like wedding industry or just like starting your own business. It’s like. It’s really exciting, like when your business grows and you just wanna say yes to everybody. And I’ve like, I feel like I’ve had so many conversations with people, they’re like, all of a sudden it just like hit me like I’m burned out.

I can’t say yes to everybody. I was talking to a wedding planner, I’m trying to think of what month it was, maybe like a month or two ago. A friend of mine and she was like, similar thing. Like she was like, I’m finally like toning it back, back with weddings a little bit because she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in that like wedding season. And she like, it’s just exhausting. But you’re just like, go, go, go. And you’re like, this is exciting, it’s fun. But then you realize like, I don’t have time to myself or like my body hurts. I’m actually like. Well, and

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Kendra Matthies: that’s the thing too. That’s something I really had to be mindful of.

I think I’ve shared this before, but I am somebody that I do struggle with chronic illnesses and I am physically disabled. I have my hip replaced. So I mean, I do feel like as I’m getting older, I do need to also be mindful of myself. Mm-hmm. Because there were times in recent years before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding. And actually, here’s a good little story for me to tell. I guess I had a wedding where it was at a hotel and I had a pretty decently long day on average. Nowadays, the most I will take alone to do makeup is probably about seven, maybe eight people, but probably closer to seven.

I don’t like to go over that too much because it’s just, that’s a lot of standing without being able to take a drink of water or go to the bathroom, things like that. Um, so I had, I wanna say around about eight people and I got done with the wedding. I had been there from like, I wanna say five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay. 12, one o’clock. Sorry. Math is not my strong suit at this moment. That’s okay. So let’s say I got done around like one, um, and I say goodbye to everybody. Everybody’s happy, everything’s awesome, and I knew I was not feeling well. Um, so one of the conditions I have, it’s called pots, which you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. For those who are listening who don’t know what that is. And in very, very, very basic terms, when I am standing, my heart rate is elevated. When I am in the heat, it gets elevated even more. That’s a trigger for me. Um, high stress situations can cause me to get like even worse.

So I get done with the, uh, wedding, take the elevator downstairs, uh, go out to my car and I put my stuff in my car. Sit down. I leaned back and I closed my eyes and I actually passed out. I didn’t realize that I did. Oh my gosh. But it was probably about, I would say, somewhere between like five to eight minutes before I like opened my eyes again.

And that’s when I realized that I needed to start calming down. I needed to start taking less weddings. So after that wedding that was, I wanna say in 24, leading into 25, I decided I just needed to really skill back. So I think that if it wouldn’t have been for something like that happening, I probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don’t have to have a chronic illness. You don’t have to be physically disabled, you don’t have to be anything to I. Need to know your limits, to need to know what your end goal really is. Do you want to constantly be in a state of stress with like panic all the time of planning or, um, you know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn’t be your life. Like, yeah, you should be able to have somewhat of a balance. And I did see somebody post something recently, like, does anyone know when I actually reach this work life balance? Like, is that even a thing? And I think that there’s no real set template of this is what works, this is what doesn’t work.

You kind of just have to figure it out as you go. And that’s kind of what I’ve had to do is just realize once I hit my limit, scale back until it feels. Comfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s so funny you say that because I, I just made a video talking about, I don’t know if it was necess, I might have been kind of like implying work-life balance, but I did say something about like, one of the things I’m struggling with is trying to find balance.

’cause I feel like mm-hmm. The planner part in me always wants things to be like this. And when I’m not productive I get so hard on myself. And so I’ll have like days where I’m like, everything’s like done, that I need to, I check the boxes. And the other days where I’m just not productive and I’m just like, where’s this balance?

Or like, I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or I’m not enough of a wife or a friend. You know, that pull of like needing to do all these things. So I totally relate.

Kendra Matthies: I think that one thing that I heard in my life. From just a friend of mine, and I don’t even think she was trying to be any sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking. She said that if I’m ever over excelling in one portion of my life, I’m failing in another. Mm-hmm. And that has really stuck with me. And I don’t think that that’s negative, like necessarily a negative thing. I think that if you think of your life as right now, I want to be really excelling in my career, you have to also understand that that does equate that maybe you’re.

Weekends are a little bit less, your friend time is gonna be a little bit less, and it’s not ever to me that things will ever be 50 50 balance. I think that if you want to be excelling in one way, you have to give up a couple of things for it to be balanced so that you’re not trying to keep up with the friendships every single weekend we’re going out.

It’s just not possible. And then you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself when at the end of the day, especially in this type of career, when your own, you are your own boss, you’re setting your own goals and aspirations and things like that. The only person who is holding you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on yourself with things like that, you’re never gonna feel balanced. You’re never gonna feel like you’re accomplishing enough and you’re never gonna feel like you. You’ve done it, you’ve ne you’re never gonna feel comfortable. You’re never gonna feel stable. You’re always gonna be reaching for more or wanting to do more.

And it’s not bad to have goals and have aspirations, but you can’t, you can’t stress to yourself out to the point that you are holding yourself to not possible standards like it, it physically can’t happen. There’s 24 hours in a day. People love to say that. Mm-hmm. We’re not awake and going for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a person, whether you are just a person, person, whether you’re a business owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist, whatever, the balance doesn’t come 50 50. It’s how can I rearrange things in my life to feel like what I’m wanting to focus on right now? Is what I’m focusing on and I’m not stressing about trying to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm. I hope that makes sense.

Christa Innis: No, it totally does. No, I love that because it’s kinda like different seasons require different balances and different priorities. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, you made a good point. It was like last year was my first full year, I would say, as an entrepreneur. I started in 2023 of my own business, but last year with like the social media consulting and all that stuff.

And so I think I put like so much effort in it, but it was also my daughter’s second year of life. She’s like, I’m trying to think of like how the year’s worth Yeah. Versus birthdays so second year of life. So I’m like, oh, it’s such an important stage. And then there’s the mom guilt and so you like push it back and forth.

But I’m like, I also have the benefit of being home with her. So I do get to be home with her more than I think most working moms get to. So I kind have to remember like that’s, that’s a something that I get that, or what’s the word I’m looking for? That’s a. A privilege or an like, something that I have that not a lot of people are able to do.

So, um, so, you know, just kind of realizing those things and, and stepping outside of it is like, is important. So yeah. I feel like that was like a mini therapy session. Thank you.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. You’re welcome. Most of that comes to you via my therapist. Thank you Theresa. We love you. Thank you. Yes.

Christa Innis: I always hear things like that.

I’m like, maybe I should go back to therapy. I’m like, just so I have someone like talk to you about things like that. ’cause it’s like, no,

Kendra Matthies: I think everybody needs a therapist. I think everybody should go to therapy. Even if you don’t feel like you are struggling with something right now. Even if it’s not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean? I don’t think that, I don’t think that you will ever not benefit from having somebody to talk to that’s not biased, that can help you work through situations. Even if it’s just that you’re going through a hard time at work or. Kind of what we’re talking about. Like maybe you are struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn’t say when you’re struggling with those things, most people in your life are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy. Right. But I do think that if you are in therapy while you’re going through those things in your life, you’re gonna benefit from it. You’re never gonna be like, why did I even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always benefit from therapy. Oh,

Christa Innis: for sure. Yeah. I think it’s like one of those things where it’s just good to sometimes like say it out loud. Yeah. Because I even like the people that submit stories to me too, like these like wedding drama stories or relationship things. They, they always tell me at the end, or should say like a lot of times at the end they’re like, even if you don’t use this, it was really good for me just to like type it out.

’cause they’re like, it allowed me to like see what happened and understand how I feel about it. ’cause I think so many times, like we’re talking about is like, go, go, go. What the heck just happened? Oh, well next problem. You know, you kind of just push it aside. So I think it’s absolutely so beneficial. And I think therapy too is way less stigmatized than it was like when we were like children maybe.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely gone to therapy multiple times in my life at like different points where like stress was super high or something was going on. But it’s funny, I’ve told someone this also in this one before, probably not on the podcast, but um, the last therapist I had, um, I loved her. She was great, but she like dismissed me at the end.

She’s like, all right, I think we solved the problem. We’re gonna be done now. And then, like she just said, I was done. And I remember telling my boss at the time, ’cause he’s really like, open about therapy and mental health. Yeah. It’s like, oh, I’ve never had that happen before. And I was like, I, that I’ve never had that happen to me either.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I’ve, I’ve gone to therapy for the past. I wanna say that I started therapy in 2020 and I’ve been seeing the same therapist since then. And I’ve taken breaks, you know, when. I got off my parents’ insurance or whatever and I, well I can’t afford it right now. I gotta pay for that. Um, yeah. And then gotten back on with her and yeah, there’s never been a time even when I felt like I was doing well and the therapy was more of just like a moment for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Um. Where she’s been like, alright, great. The only thing I would say that she ever says is, do you feel like we still need to meet monthly? Or would you wanna maybe push it out to two months? That makes sense to me. But to be like, well, we solved the problem. I don’t think that therapy always needs to be, and I’m not saying that it’s never this way, but I don’t think that it always needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life. Things keep happening. Who’s to say that She didn’t say? Um, you know, we solved the problem. That’s it. And then a week later you have some major tragedy happen in your life and you have nobody to talk to.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I mean, you have friends, you have family, but you don’t have an unbiased person who knows how you think, knows how you processes things.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of odd. I’m sorry you

Christa Innis: had that experience. Oh yeah. It was so odd. I was just like, at the time I was like, oh, cool. And then later I was like, wait, is that supposed to happen? I don’t know. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe I need therapy to talk about that therapy.

Kendra Matthies: You’re like, actually,

Christa Innis: actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

Um, oh, there’s no topic. Whatever. We’re, we’re talking

Kendra Matthies: we’re yapping. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Back to pause really quick. I just have a quick question about that. So like, yeah, what was your first, like symptoms you just noticed like your heart rate would kind of increase

Kendra Matthies: a long time? So I have a little bit of an odd story kind of when it comes to my health in general.

Um, so I have always really struggled with, like, exercise was always really difficult for me and not in the sense of like, I don’t wanna do it, but it would be like, I don’t want to do it as a child and like I’m running, playing basketball and I’m great at sports and I’m awesome at like these things at a young age, but.

I’m having to like ask to get taken out to take a break and I’m like beat red and blood pooling in my legs and all that. Yeah. I really noticed it amping up after I had my hip replaced. Um, and I’ve, POTS is one of a few things that I deal with, but I mean, I was on, or not even my hip replace, I have had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental one to see if we could kind of push off the replacement so that I wouldn’t have to get multiple throughout my life. Um, but it only gave me like four-ish years of relief. Yeah. Um, so after that surgery I was still on the crutches from that surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing. I was at work. I’m gonna pause for a second ’cause my neighbor’s coming downstairs. No, you’re good. We’ll edit this out. Yeah.

Okay. So, um,

okay. So I had had my first hip surgery and I actually passed out at work, like smacked my head off of a counter. It was a whole thing. Paramedics had to come. It was not great. Um, but then I was noticing like it was just happening a lot more and. Mostly it was like starting to amp up. The more I was like stressed because I found out now for me, stress and the heat are like my biggest triggers when it comes to pot, my pots.

Um, and so I had a family member pass away and I had to sing at their funeral. And I don’t even remember the last like verse that I’m singing. Thank God I said the words correctly. Um, but I sang that stepped back. I was up in the balcony, so thankfully I wasn’t also in front of everybody. But I like stepped back, looked over to a family friend and was like, I’m gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine. Um, and then after my second surgery, my hip replacement, that’s when a lot of my other chronic illnesses started. Um, I also have a condition called mast cell activation syndrome, which. Basically for me, your mast cells are the cells that kind of check out foreign invaders, like things coming into the body and they go, we good or not good?

I’m not a medical professional, so if I’m saying this wrong, but I do know that they are the reason that histamine is put out. And so for me, my mast cells are kind of always activated, hence mast cell activation syndrome. Um, but what that means for me is I’ve developed a lot of allergies, um, and I can like develop new ones to random things and that might be just, I’m itchy, but it’s also like I go anaphylactic.

So I have to be, I’ve had a whole life shift because of all of that. Um, but because of my mast cell activation syndrome and um, pots. If one of them gets mad, the other one gets mad. So I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve, I mean, I’ve passed out quite a bit and not everyone with POTS will, that’s kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand up and instantly pass out. That’s not typically the case. Like some people will, but it’s more of like a constant state of feeling, um, like out of it, I guess. Like brain fog is massive with pots. Um, I, it’s, it affects your entire autonomic nervous system. So that’s like breathing, that’s like digestion.

That’s your heart rate, your temperature control, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s affected me in a lot of ways, which is again, when I started realizing like, okay, this is affecting me when I’m taking too many weddings. That’s, I really need to step back, but. Definitely it was like heart racing. Um, I wear a device that’s called a visible armband.

I’m not wearing it today because I’m sitting, but it basically will show me second by second what’s going on with my heart rate and alert me if I’ve been in the red zone for too long, if I am, you know, more opt to, uh, need to take a break or anything like that. So, mm-hmm. I wear that now. But, uh, yeah, it, it’s not fun.

It’s definitely been one of the most debilitating things for me. Um, and I think that. It’s something that I wanna talk more about. So I’m glad that we get to talk about it here because we don’t, we don’t really get to see much representation of people that are entrepreneurs that are also dealing with things like this, or business owners that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it’s kind of stereotypical that it’s more like you’re a boss, babe, and you’re just go, go, go. Awesome. And what people don’t see with people like me who are chronically ill or whatever are, you know, the days that, I mean, I’ve even had here, this is, I’m at my store right now, but I’ve even had here where between clients I know I’ve got 20 minutes, I am not doing well, and I’m taking my emergency meds, I’m laying on the floor with my feet elevated for 15 minutes and then quick getting back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients. I’m just having to take breaks. So, yeah. That was a really long thing,

Christa Innis: but No, no, but that’s good. Like you said, it’s something that I think all people can learn more about and I think be able to see like the behind the curtain kind of thing because Yeah. Um, it’s, it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and so that’s why I was like really curious about like your first symptoms and then kind of how you handle it now when you know it’s like coming on or, you know, feeling a certain type.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, it’s hard too because the handling it thing isn’t really like, it’s one of those conditions that there’s a huge. Spectrum. You could be somebody with pots and if you’re listening to this now and you have pots that this is the case, please comment below because I want people to feel not alone, but you could be somebody with pots that you are on disability, you can’t get out of bed, you’re having people coming to your house, giving you IV infusions at home because you physically can’t stand.

Mm-hmm. It can be that severe. And then there’s people like me that are kind of somewhere in the middle, like in wedding season, which unfortunately for me is when here is obviously like summer fall, when it’s warmer. So I’m getting like at least monthly infusions, but people aren’t seeing that. I’m not showing that, oh, come with me to get my iv.

Right. Um, and then constantly taking salt pills so that my blood pressure stays somewhat level. Um, making sure that I’m like actually forcing myself to take. Drinks and stuff like that, working that time into my client’s timelines, things like that. Um, there’s this huge spectrum of pots and I think that it’s becoming more well known, which I’m really happy about, but I think that people aren’t seeing enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit like, oh, well if you have pots, why aren’t you just on disability? It’s not easy to do that. It’s not easy to, yeah. You know, so thank you for letting me talk about that. I’m really happy that I got to share that with people.

Christa Innis: No, of course. Yeah, and you make a good point too, about, I think like in general, when someone hear about a disability or an autoimmune, they’ll, they’ll relate to one person they know and they don’t realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe symptoms all the time, like you said, and some maybe internally battling every single day. And some might have some, uh, some smaller symptoms or, you know. Yeah. And so I think it’s important to see that there’s a wide span and to just, you know, give grace to people and kind understand it kind of, every situation might be a little bit different as well.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Thank you for sharing that. No, I, I was curious ’cause uh, I, I didn’t really know much about it.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. Yes.

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

Christa Innis: Um, okay. So let’s get into some of the. Wedding hot takes before we get to the story. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Started a new thing since last time, because I don’t think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag? Mm. So you’re just gonna, I’m gonna say a sentence and then you’ll just say if it’s a red flag or a green flag.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Replacing a bridesmaid close to the wedding,

Kendra Matthies: that’s a hard one though, because I guess I know I should, I know you wanna answer a red flag, green flag. It really depends on the situation though. I know, I know. That’s a hard one. So, as a vendor, I would say maybe it’s red flag for planning purposes and like scheduling purposes, depending on how close, like if it’s the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like jarring, but I don’t wanna say it’s a full red flag because. If that person in your bridal party was going to be chaotic or causing you tons of stress, or maybe there’s been a massive falling out green flag, please don’t have them there. I don’t wanna have to be around that either.

I don’t wanna be set in in that stressful situation and I don’t want my client in that stressful situation. So, man, that’s a hard one. I would say that really depends, but I’m leaning, I guess, more towards green.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these scenarios, there’s so much, like so many details that could change it.

Yeah. It’s like everyone’s perspective and Yeah. Um, okay. Expecting attendance and every pre-wedding event. Say that again? Expecting attendance at every pre-wedding event. So the brides like you have to come to the engagement party, the shower, all that.

Kendra Matthies: No, that’s a red flag to me. You can’t expect everyone to be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose the plot on a lot when they’re brides is thinking that. I think when you’re a bride, that is the most important thing to you. That’s what the majority of your planning is going towards for at least a year in most cases. Um, so to you, that’s like end goal, most important thing.

That’s, think of the times that you’ve been in a wedding though. Maybe if it’s like your best, best friend, but like life goes on, you have other things going on. Maybe your, maybe somebody in your bridal party or an attendant or something. Maybe they have somebody else getting married. They can’t come. Like you can’t expect people to just always, always be there.

Is it nice? Yes. But I would never hold it against somebody if they couldn’t come to something. I mean, I had people RSVP yes to my wedding. I had a very small wedding. We had like 50 people. Mm-hmm. And I had people very close to me. RSVP. Yes. And they couldn’t come because of X, Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m never talking to that person again. I can’t believe they wouldn’t come. Like that’s, that’s a little bit of a red flag to me.

Christa Innis: I know. It always gets lost on me when they’re like, you must attend every single thing. My wedding’s the priority and I’m like, I realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is the, like, yeah, it’s important to me, but like I don’t expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else or anybody else for that matter. No. Yeah. I mean, that’s crazy. Like I have friends that couldn’t come to the Bachelorette or the shower and I was like, right, your family, your health, your whatever you’re going through goes, it’s first.

Exactly. We’ll, we will live. Um, okay. Um, cash bars, red or green cash

Kendra Matthies: bars. Um. Yeah, I haven’t really been to a wedding where that’s been the case. So Cash Bar explained to me, just to make sure I’m understanding, that’s where you’re like paying to add alcohol? Yeah, there’s

Christa Innis: just, yeah, they don’t, they probably don’t provide any drinks.

I’ve never been to a full cash bar either. Usually at least there’s or something. But yeah, it’s just like there’s no drinks provided. I would say, um,

Kendra Matthies: I would say that’s a little bit of a red flag if it’s fully a cash bar. Like if you’re not providing like any sort of refreshments, like that would kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something for somebody to drink. Um, but if it’s cash bar. Just for, I guess that’s also a little bit hard though. Like my family doesn’t really drink, so it would be like, we had nothing at my wedding. So I don’t know. I, I think that that kind of just depends on the person. I think that if your family is somebody that you are people that you know are gonna drink, um, and you know that maybe you can’t provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set drink or something that is free or included with the wedding, and then maybe if there’s something like extra that somebody wants, like Right. I don’t know. Yeah, I would, I’ve just not been to something like that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like if they’re, yeah, if they’re not providing anything, like no kind of refreshment, I’m talking like even non-alcoholic.

Yeah. So if they’re not providing anything and expecting nice people to come, then sure. That’s a little bit of a red flag If they expect everybody to like pay for food and drinks once they’re there. Right. But if it’s like, oh, we’re just talking like. Your aunt prefers like this really fancy vodka, then Yeah, I think it’s a red flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Kendra Matthies: I totally agree. That’s exactly what I think. Board.

Christa Innis: Right, right. Doesn’t need to be an open bar or anything. Um, okay, last one. Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Kendra Matthies: Oof. To me girl, that’s gonna be a red flag. That is like, unless the only time I can ever see it be okay is one, it’s the couple announcing that they’re pregnant.

Like obviously, or if it’s been super well discussed and maybe the couple has asked for this to happen there otherwise.

Christa Innis: Die.

Kendra Matthies: That’s, yes. So I probably wouldn’t do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s crazy To me, that’s

Christa Innis: like one of those things I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started getting story submissions.

Yeah. And the amount of times where it’s like someone wants to announce someone else’s pregnancy at the wedding, like once where I read was like the, um, mother-in-law wanted to announce the younger brothers. His girlfriends. Oh, I think I saw

Kendra Matthies: your story about that. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that was one. And then there was another one like last year that was like kind of similar where the couple, well they asked the couple and the couple said no, and they mom Oh, then media red

Kendra Matthies: flag.

Yeah. Yeah. The mom

Christa Innis: was still bringing in like a, the, the box to like surprise everybody with, and then still did like a mini celebration of the table even after they said, no.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild. To me. That is up, that’s up there with like, if somebody is getting married and they’re like, Hey, photographer, my husband and I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement photos at this person’s wedding? Yes. Like it’s that level to me where it’s just a common courtesy thing to like not do that. Mm-hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t, even if I was at somebody’s like. They just graduated college. We’re having this really fun party. I wouldn’t be like, Hey guys, by the way, like, make this about me.

Like there’s moments in life where it’s not about you. Yeah. I think that’s a big thing to remember is sometimes it’s not your turn. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s this person’s turn, it’s their moment to shine. And unless they are super, like, please, I want you to

Christa Innis: just let them shine.

Kendra Matthies: It’s just, it’s just rude.

It’s just rude.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t need to always turn it back to us. Right,

Kendra Matthies: right.

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. I’m gonna do a couple of, would you rathers and then we’ll get into our story. Okay. These are like more like makeup kind of, um, focus. Okay. Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Kendra Matthies: Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00 AM I don’t like feeling rushed. I hate it. It makes me so stressed and anxious and my luck. I’m gonna like, think that I’m putting it on good and then I get out and I’m looking like the joker. Like I just, no, I would rather start earlier.

Christa Innis: My gosh. Totally. I hate, like, I, I think I said this before, but like I, when I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt like they put me at the earliest slot.

’cause they’re like, oh, we know you wake up early. That was also Preki. Um, they’re like, we know you wake up early. So I’d be like in my chair, like half asleep. But I did like just being done and then I could just like hang out with everybody. Yeah. I didn’t have to rush or worry. Like, ’cause sometimes being some of the later ones, you’re like, are we gonna have time?

Or you’re like, oh, a

Kendra Matthies: hundred percent. Yeah. And for me too, like what I like to do personally to avoid that. And if you’re a makeup artist listening, I always, let’s say they tell me they need to be done by three, we’re gonna be done by two. Like I wanna give that little bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional gift that somebody was given and like they completely like, like, I wanna have time for things. People get stuck in traffic, things happen. So always give yourself a little bit of extra time. And for any brides or somebody that’s getting married, that’s listening, just because when you are getting ready on the every day, it might take you an hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time is, its whole different. Thing like it is so different. You might be thinking, wow, my makeup artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We don’t have to be done till three. That’s crazy. And then when you’re getting done, you’re like, how has the day flown by? How have we, like where did that go?

That’s what I hear 99% of the time at weddings. It is just like, whoa. That day went by so fast. Like, ah. So always give yourself a little extra time that you think, I know it’s,

Christa Innis: you don’t think of like the random person popping in to say hello and like, yes, you step by or setting up food for your brides.

You know? You just don’t think those little things. You don’t think about it running to the bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room. Like Exactly. There’s always something. So

Kendra Matthies: something. Yes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, would you rather a bridesmaid hate her makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

Kendra Matthies: Um, would I rather bridesmaid hate their makeup or when you say refuse their look and do their own, like, they just are like, I don’t want you to do my makeup.

Don’t want,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I’d rather them do their own. Like if they’re gonna hate it the way that I do it, you don’t need me to do it. Like, if you’re good at what you’re gonna do and you’re already happy with how you do your makeup, don’t feel like you have to get your makeup done. I don’t, I would rather that, because that just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup done is gonna go into it knowing that they’re gonna hate it probably. Or just I know my features better. I’ve never liked my makeup done by somebody else. They’re gonna go into it that way. The makeup artist is gonna be thinking of all the ways that they can try to make that not happen and make the person happy just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah. If you know you’re somebody that you just don’t like getting your makeup done by somebody else. Just do it yourself, even if you are the bride, the groom, whoever. Like just do it yourself. It doesn’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. I feel like if you’re like super picky, like you need to just do it yourself if you know what you’re doing.

Um, yeah, know yourself in those moments. ’cause like I’m, when I’m a bridesmaid, I love getting my makeup done. I like, I, I just trust the makeup artist. I’m like, you know what you’re doing. And, but I have friends that like, they’re just very particular and they’re just good at their own makeup and they do it.

And like about knowing yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. For myself, like I did my own makeup on my wedding day and that was because I enjoy the process of putting makeup on. I enjoy like doing it myself. But if I were somebody that didn’t enjoy that and you’re like, man, every time I do my makeup, I hate it. Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even if it’s like, I can’t afford a makeup artist. Maybe you have a really talented friend or something that does makeup really well, it’s okay to do that too. You don’t have to. But on the flip, don’t think like we’re saying that you have to have a makeup artist. If you’re like, I’m good at what I do.

It’s not a necessity. You don’t need a makeup artist to get married. You need a officiant, you need a venue, you need a wedding dress. Those are needs, this is wants and luxuries. You don’t have to have it.

Christa Innis: Right, totally. Um, would you rather one bridesmaid be 45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be overly controlling about the schedule?

Kendra Matthies: I would definitely have somebody that’s maybe a little bit more controlling about the schedule because. I’d rather have somebody that’s on me about the times and whatnot versus somebody who is just so nonchalant than I am anxious, everything’s running behind. I’m probably gonna get blamed for the fact that things are behind, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’d rather have somebody way more on me about the time, because me personally like I am. So it might not seem it if you’re any of my clients watching this now, but in that moment, I mean, what I do, and this is a little tip too, for makeup artists, for weddings, like I set my schedule. Uh, as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay. And I’m, every couple little bit, I’m clicking it to see, to make sure that I’m good and to somebody, it just looks like I’m checking the time, but I’m really like seeing how I’m doing on time. So shoot, if somebody wants to be the little voice in my head that’s already happening when I’m doing this, like, sure, I’d rather have that than somebody be late.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that because yeah, it’s like when bridesmaid be a little late, but they don’t always realize how much that could push back everybody else. Especially like, what if it’s a wedding where there’s only three or four bridesmaids than you’re kind of reshuffling everybody. But it’s good to, it’s good to have that schedule.

Like when I’m, when I’ve been hired for like Day of Coordinators, I’m like on it, I’m, I’m the same as you. I’m like checking. I’m like, okay, all right. Where’s our next bridesmaid? You’re on deck when she’s done, you’re swapping like,

Kendra Matthies: because again, it goes back to the whole thing. That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different than an everyday type of thing. You have to be so scheduled because yeah, one little thing can really throw off a whole day. And I’ve had it in the past where I had a bridesmaid be super late and it almost made it to where I couldn’t do the grandma’s makeup. Like the grandma would’ve just not had makeup.

I made it work. Yeah, bride not happy with me because of the delay, but I made it work because I’m not gonna let somebody’s grandma not have makeup. That’s crazy. That would make me sad. So, yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s so easy to throw off an entire day without even realizing it because 45 minutes, me, I block out an hour for makeup.

Um, but that’s including like cleaning in between time for me to like, you know, take a drink or whatever. So it’s really more 45 minutes. So if you think about it, if you’re 45 minutes late, you’re pushing the day, a whole appointment slot back, like that is a lot of time.

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point.

All right. Let’s just get into today’s story because they always, you always end up being a little bit longer than I think. So let’s just get into it. Okay. Um, and feel free to stop me or pause anytime if you, likewise, we just back the note. As we go. All right. I was the Maître d’ for all types of events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat priced buffet with no alcohol for gospel groups, prayer gathering. They danced, sing, and filled the room with joy. The staff loved watching and listening to them, and we never had a single issue. We genuinely looked forward to their visit. One of the young women from the group decided she wanted her wedding there on a Sunday afternoon with the group present.

Um, I walked her through everything, the theme menu, colors, ceremony, flow, flowers, readings, dances, bar options, extra servers, sleeping arrangements for the newlyweds, backup. Well, this is a lot. Um, backup plans for the bad weather and even contingency plans for family issues. Okay, they got it all. We had the, yeah, we had the space for six hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically use the room for only two to two, and then for only two to two and a half hours on the regular Sundays. So I’m thinking they wanted to rent, they wanted them to sing at her wedding is what I’m guessing some, yeah. It’s

Kendra Matthies: sounding like she wants ’em to be very involved with the day.

Yeah. She, because it says they want the guests present that are normally there on Sundays.

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay. Okay. So she wants them to be there. Okay. They were allowed joyful and energetic, but never obnoxious. Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe. Yeah. The first deposit to hold the date and the the first deposit to hold the date and room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months, the bride and groom agreed to every recommendation we made. Used all our preferred vendors, and sometimes even brought me homemade baked goods. We clicked really well. The only request they made beyond my cake recommendation was an extra tier and specific symbol to honor their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at no additional charge. That’s nice. Yeah. That’s really nice. Um, as the second deposit approach, they continued adding upgrades and RSVPs were higher than expected. We needed additional servers, more food, extra tables, and more rentals overall. They also decided to move the wedding up by three weeks to the earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh. Oh. How, I’m wondering how like, how late into the planning this was because Yeah, that’s a pretty big shift. Yeah. And like schedules adding people. Okay. Okay. She said that wasn’t an issue, but it did mean we couldn’t get the exact same linen colors in time and they needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second deposit due date the same as the original planned and not move it up. Two weeks before the wedding, I checked in again. Everything was fully planned and it was a lot. I heard nothing back three days before the wedding. I left messages for the couple and both mothers while also confirming flowers, linens, staff, transportation, and final details the following afternoon Friday.

So they didn’t, they still haven’t heard from them. Oh my gosh. That’s, I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: it’s okay. We are like crunch time and we’ve not heard anything. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Christa Innis: I’m locked in. I know. I’m always like, what do you do at that point where you’re constantly like calling them, emailing them, nothing? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the bride’s uncle arrived with a check covering the remaining balance. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but at that point we proceeded. Wasn’t thrilled that the uncle came or that they were like.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. ’cause I mean that payment probably would be late, I would imagine. I feel like most things don’t take payments that close.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because we’re talking, she doesn’t say when the date was, but she’s saying all of a sudden before the wedding, they still hadn’t paid, they didn’t hear anything back.

Kendra Matthies: Well, then we’re at three days before the wedding. Yeah. So we’re like close. Close. So I can see where they’re stressed. Like you’re not talking to us and it’s not you that’s bringing in the final check.

It’s some random relative, like Yeah, you never called back. Were they involved? Yeah. Were they involved with this relative before? Is this person just showing up like Yeah, I’d probably be a little frustrated as well.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering like for venues. If you don’t get that second deposit, I’m sure they have a right to either add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because they’re holding all, I mean, maybe they end up losing money then, but, ’cause I’m like, where’s like the, the stickler for you have to pay us this day, or Yeah. Something happens, we lose this. You can’t have this amenity or, you know, something like that.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, the wedding began at noon just as their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful. While photos were being taken, I showed the mother of the bride the reception room. So it’s weird. Everything’s just like going as normal even though they Yeah. We’re just like

Kendra Matthies: going forward. Even though nobody was confirming anything. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

Christa Innis: Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing apart the reception room. The linen colors were wrong. The tables were too far from the windows where a large buffet had been set up overlooking the golf course. The dance floor was too large. Even though most guests danced at their tables, the cake was missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she’s saying it wasn’t. These are all the things that the mother Earth bride was saying. Okay. And it was crooked. It wasn’t, the lighting was too dim and felt solemn. The servers were dressed too formally. One server hunched too much. She didn’t like my dress. She’s

Kendra Matthies: talking to the, your server has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain things, and we’ll hear more of the story. I understand. Okay. You don’t, what if that person has a back issue? You dunno. Why are we going after the servers themselves? Like, that’s kind of crazy to me. It’s wild. That’s wild. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. You don’t know anything about this person. Yeah.

What in the world make that comment? Like, they’re doing their jobs, aren’t they? They’re, they’re like helping. Right. Like, oh my God. And then then to say she didn’t like her dress, the person doing it, she’s saying she didn’t like my dress. It clashed. So the person that sent in this email that runs these letters?

Yeah. Can you imagine? I’d be like, okay. Like, sorry. Right.

Kendra Matthies: That’s what I chose to wear. That’s wild. Okay. Bizarre.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The flowers were too sparse. Uh, too sparse. She, there were too many ribbons. She was irate. I was completely dumbfounded. And that’s a problem too. Well, I mean it’s, there’s so many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has some power coming in. It’s like she’s not the client. Yeah. But it weird that she, they just stopped hearing from the bride and groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Kendra Matthies: Right. And it’s weird to me too, that, I mean, weddings that I’ve been to my wedding, we very much discussed like what the layout was going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, like, we did let them know that the linens wouldn’t be able to be the same because of whatever. So they were aware of that. Maybe this mom isn’t aware of the change. Okay. But also what, who are, who are you? Like, I get you’re the mom, but you’re also like not the deciding factor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it was something where. The mom wasn’t as involved as she wanted to be or something.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it sounds like, like the person that wrote this, I always say it’s a little biased ’cause she’s the one that sent it to us. Right. So I’m like hearing her perspective, but I’m like, sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

She’s done all these weddings and events before. Right. So I’m sure they’re following the contract, following the plan. The mom’s, she’s like, I don’t like this. This is not what I envisioned. Or she’s embarrassed because she wants her family to see something different. Or I,

Kendra Matthies: that’s just so, it’s so silly to me too because let’s say all of these things are the genuine, like the bride comes in and ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been? You haven’t like been communicating with us to like even know, maybe the original discussion was that there were gonna be this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion was that the flowers were gonna be how they’re gonna be if you’re not having. ’cause it’s sounding to me like the venue is providing most, if not all of the setup.

Mm-hmm. So it’s not like they’re having to coordinate multiple different vendors. It’s sounding like it is the venue that’s doing this. So how that communication between the couple and the venue itself got so lax. Mm-hmm. It is strange to me, like, yeah. Okay. I just, I need to

Christa Innis: hear more. I need to Very on.

Okay. It says she stormed off and I went back to business as usual. This was a $16,000 wedding. Absolutely. All out. That seems low to me, but I don’t know. I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses. At first I was like

Kendra Matthies: 16, but then I’m like, actually no, that’s like pretty low. Yeah. At least in this area. Michigan. I know.

I don’t know where this

Christa Innis: was, but yeah, I feel like golf course weddings, like when we were just kinda like, just kind of getting ideas. I feel like golf courses were like the most expensive ’cause it was like, oh yeah, resort vibes, everything included. And so I feel like those were like at least 50 if not way higher.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, so it said, um, intros finished first stance is done, speech is complete. Dinner music began, the buffet was destroyed, completely cleaned out. So it was destroyed in a good way. I think she means

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Like demolished the food. They ate it all. Yes. Okay. That’s what I’m gathering.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, shiny. Yeah. Um, shiny Cha-cha chafers chafer. Yeah. I’m like, okay, I was gonna pronounce that wrong. And all music continued, some dancing followed, and then the mother of the groom approached me. She said the food was awful. The servers were slow, people were spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from another bar into the building. The dance floor was a slippery hazard. The linens were dry after people ate, or No? The linens were dirty after people ate. My gosh. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was headed. The hints for a massive discount started shortly after.

Oh, here we go. Oh

Kendra Matthies: no, they don’t wanna pay. They don’t want to pay. They don’t want to pay. Hopefully they’ve already cashed that check, girl. And it didn’t bounce like this.

Christa Innis: What it’s for, the Dirty Dan or the Dirty Linens thing reminded me. I saw this thing where an influencer was trying to do something or she was getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the floor and was like the place was dirty. And then the owners came out and they were like, she was there right after like a 12 party or a 12 person party just got up and left and she filmed right under the table. So it’s just all about like if you’ve never worked in a restaurant or,

Kendra Matthies: yeah.

That’s wild to me. The linens are dirty. I mean, aren’t they there to like. Get used and like to protect like the tables and to like look nice. Like, yeah. I mean, your wedding dress is gonna be dirty by the end of the night, by the, like the bottom of it. You know, you’re using the item.

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s wild. And again, saying servers were slow, that you’re gonna, you’re gonna complain about that.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild to me. Okay. And clearly the food wasn’t that bad if everybody ate it all.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. That, oh my gosh. Then I heard screams, oh my god. Sure enough, the cake was on the floor. They claimed a server knocked it over while rushing for plates. She did not. And no, this was 2001. Okay, there we go. So it was 2001.

That’s price. So much has changed since then. So much. 16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Kendra Matthies: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah,

Christa Innis: she did not, and no, this was 2001, no cameras. Suddenly the older women erupted into crocodile tears, wailing and chanting praises. They cried that the souls wait, what? The souls of those honored on the cake had been desecrated.

So now they were not saying, now they’re saying because the server knocked it over. It was like an insult to the, the loved ones that were, the cake was for there.

Kendra Matthies: So let’s say that a server did knock it over. That is a. You are jumping over the Grand Canyon, my friend, to say that that is a disrespect on a deceased loved one.

Yeah. I can see somebody going up to the cake, taking whatever that symbolic thing was, chucking it at the wall. Like, okay, yeah, you’re being disrespectful to that. Mm-hmm. If something accidentally gets knocked over, my first thought would not be, oh, my family members, I can’t believe. Like, ah, like that, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Christa Innis: And by everything that we’ve learned so far, I’m like, they’re just looking for all of this to like add up. They’re, they’re thinking of all the dollar so that they can get back basically.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said the accusations went on and on. Eventually the night wound down, the room was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back. Gosh. Oh no. That, uh, like even when I hear stories like this about like someone going into a restaurant, and you can tell from the beginning they complain about every little thing. I mean, I used to work in the restaurant industry, I stopped all the time. Yeah. You see it, right?

It’s like, you know, the second those people sit down, these are someone pe someone that’s gonna complain, they want a discount. And I was more than happy, like if something was wrong or if something, you know. Oh, for sure. Even a discount. I’ll take it off completely. Yeah. But you can tell right away when it’s someone that’s gonna complain about everything.

Even like, they’ll drink, like they’ll Dr. Pepper or, or Sprite and they’ll be like, something’s off in this. Something’s off. Yeah, okay, we’ll get it checked. Or it’s a brand new, you know, anything would be wrong. Right? So when it’s something like this, like a wedding, $16,000 and they’re gonna be like, we want our money back.

Kendra Matthies: No, and I, I can see it being, and maybe you’ve had this experience too, I can also kind of get the vibes of when I’m gonna have a client ask me for a refund. And it’s always, it always seems to be the ones that I am the most lenient with or the ones that I try to give like extra things to, to be nice that end up coming back and expecting more and then wanting a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason I, yeah. So if they say you give an

Christa Innis: inch, they take a mile or something, those kind

Kendra Matthies: 1000%, that is definitely the case. So sounding like that is this case? Yeah. Okay. How does this end?

Christa Innis: Um, okay. It says that’s when we learned they had assumed they were paying the same rate. As the usual two hour Sunday buffet lunches, despite having a signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look at that and just assume, like,

Kendra Matthies: and is it really that they assumed or they thought that because they were such a come every Sunday group that they could just talk their way into it and get that discount after the fact? Right. But you should never sign a con. I’m looking at my camera at this moment.

I know I’ve been looking all around. Right. Never sign a contract for an amount, assuming that it’s not going to be that amount. Yeah. That is

Christa Innis: crazy. To me, contract is a, it’s locking you in. It’s literally telling you what you owe when you pay it. Like yes. Wow. I, I don’t understand how you could assume like that’s just.

Um, I don’t wanna say ignorance, but that’s being, being extremely naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay. I, I’ll we come here every Sunday for a two hour of buffet. I’m like, that’s way different than a wedding.

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Kendra Matthies: That is way different from a wedding that you’re getting linens, you’re having people catering your food, you’re having florals, you’re having sounding like music maybe was even provided, like what they were listing all of the stay for the bride and groom for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect that to be the same as a little buffet that they do every Sunday is insanity. Yeah. And it’s sounding very entitled to me. Like that’s the vibe that I get. Mm-hmm. That they just probably thought going into this. Like I said that, oh, well we come here every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It’s giving, well, I know the owner vibe. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that’s the vibe that it gives and it’s like. Okay, cool.

Christa Innis: You’re like, so do I.

Kendra Matthies: So do I. And this is still how much it is like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’ve seen so many skits about that where someone’s like, well, I know the owner. And they’re like, okay, well get in line all these people.

Kendra Matthies: favorite thing when that would happen to me is they would be like, well, I know the owner, can’t you just gimme a discount? And I’d be like, I know my dad too. Like my dad owned the restaurant that I worked at, so that always killed me. I’d be like, yeah, same

Christa Innis: like, yeah. And I also like anyone that says that like wouldn’t, if you’re going to your friend’s restaurant or someone you knows, restaurant, wouldn’t you want to contribute to a small business or help them out?

And that’s

Kendra Matthies: the thing too. I have never been in a situation that I can think of that I’m ever going to a friend’s business or going to have a friend do anything for me that I am like asking for a discount or I’m expecting a discount. I mean. I had a friend do, she’s my hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her. I still tipped her well, like just ’cause she’s done my hair forever and we’ve been friends for however long. Like that would be super weird of me to just like assume that that would be free or discounted or something. So, yeah. That’s the vibe I’m getting with this though, is that they assumed that,

Christa Innis: I’ve always noticed it’s the people you’re, that are more acquaintances or know you through people that do it.

Yeah. It’s never like a real friend. Yeah. ’cause I don’t, I don’t think I’ve said this on the podcast before, but like years ago, so like I do art like, well again, this was Preki. I haven’t done a lot of art in a while, but I used to do like charcoal art drawings and I’ve done a lot of stuff for weddings, like art-wise, like creating like trees with a thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah. Anyway, so years ago I was like a guest of a guest at a wedding. So like my friend’s old friend, like neighbor was, was getting married. She’s like, you guys should come with us. It was a very laid back wedding. More the merrier. Yeah. The week before, the bride was like, can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice. Like, I’m like early twenties at the time. Like no boundaries. Just one people pleased and I’m like, normally I probably would’ve charged like a fair price. Probably would’ve been. A hundred to $200 because it takes, it takes a while. Yeah. But I was like, okay, maybe I’ll charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don’t get me a gift. And I’m like, oh, okay. Like I already had a gift that I bought. Yeah. And I was like,

Kendra Matthies: okay.

Christa Innis: And then literally I started, learned my lesson, but then a like a year later I was like doing charcoal drawings for people and um, you know, people are, you know, paying whatever. She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I went there, I went and brought it to the house. Like a whole family charcoal drawing. It took Yeah. Hours. Hours. And I’m like, I broke, just recently Graduated college kid. Yeah. And um, she was like, oh, I don’t have cash on me. Like, just tell me what it is and I’ll like send you money later.

Never did. And I like, it’s so dumb now, but in my mind I’m like, that’s that kind of person that just expects a discount. Yeah. ’cause they know you somehow.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. No, I will say like. I have been a bridal makeup artist for 10 years now, and it’s always the person who was randomly in my English class freshman year of high school that’s like, Hey, girl, I’m getting married.

Um, what are your rates? And me sending them, whoa. Well if you want my, uh, pricing guide, feel free to email my assistant. She’ll get that sent over to you. Oh my gosh, no girl. Like, you can just send them in here. Like, it’s fine, like Facebook Messenger. And I’m like, no, it’s easier for me to keep things, you know, compact.

And they’re like, oh, well, is there any way that I could get like a friend and family discount since we know each other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’ve had that happen so many times, and I’m like, honestly, I don’t. I, I don’t know, like anything about you, like, yeah, how, how much friends are we do it. I was going through it when I was in high school, like my junior, my sophomore to end of junior year is when that first hip surgery stuff was happening.

And like they say that pain erases memory or whatever sometimes, and that’s why like I’ve heard, oh well people who have uh, kids might be UPT to have kids again, even if the first birth was like awful because they just like forget the pain or whatever. Which I don’t know how true that is, but I will say, yeah, like there are huge lapses of my memory from that time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street, random person in my Facebook messenger thing, like I probably wouldn’t even know that was you. Mm-hmm. So why would you think that I would wanna give you a discount? Like that’s just wild to me. Well, they’re the same

Christa Innis: ML N people that want you to join their team. Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never talked, but I’m during this, I started this new ml, it’s gonna save your life. And I’m like, yeah,

Kendra Matthies: well, and I get that all the time too. Maybe you do too. Now that you have a following is like online and everything is the amount of people who are like, you should do this because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I’m like, I’m honestly like so good. Thanks though. Like I don’t, so good. Thank you. Like I, I’ve actually never been more Okay. Not doing that. Like, I don’t

Christa Innis: want to do that. Like, like more the reason to not do it. Thank you. Yeah. And

Kendra Matthies: the amount of people too, and maybe you’ve had this as well, that are like, could you use my song in the background of your video?

And they’re like a random person from freshman year of high school that has like a SoundCloud or whatever it’s called. I’ve

Christa Innis: not had that. That’s what I get,

Kendra Matthies: that I get people, oh, can I collab with you? I need to get more views on my stuff because I do X, Y, and Z. And it’s like a random person I haven’t talked to since I was in like, like I was 13.

Like, I’m like, no, I don’t know you anymore. Like you are just because you knew me at a blip of my life, you do not just have access to me 24 7. Like, that’s just, that’s wild to me. Yeah. Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

Christa Innis: we bolted because I feel like it’s such, it’s such a common thing. Like, so when we read something like this, I’m like, oh.

I know that person, if you’re listening, don’t do that. Yeah. Don’t do that to people. Always offer to pay full price for friends. Yeah. Family. And then if later they wanna come back and be like, you know what? I wanna throw in this for free because you’re my friend then. Awesome. Yeah. But

Kendra Matthies: yeah, I mean, for me, and they probably don’t even know I do this, but like my dad’s employees, I give them my friend and family discount because they work for my dad.

They probably don’t even know that I do that, but it’s something that I add on. But if, but it to me, if it was like a new employee of my dad and they’re like, can I get a discount? I’d probably be a little bit more like, like what? That’s odd. Like, don’t do that. Like, don’t expect things, I guess is what I, what we’re trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Ab, absolutely. So she says, um, so it ends with saying, so says, despite having signed the contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm. No one tipped some servers were even in tears. Others finally snap back verbally. And at one point we, and at that point we allowed it. So I’m wondering if this is all just happening right there, because I’m wondering why the servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers go home and then maybe the next week we’re, they’re like trying to demand money. But I don’t know if this is, this sounds like later on in that night it’s

Kendra Matthies: happening. Like in the night you’re like, which I will say, and this is maybe a controversial thing, but I don’t ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things it’s a little bit more com. Like it’s common to do it. Like I probably always would tip a server. Mm-hmm. But if I were, you know, a venue or whatever, you should always have your pricing be to the point where if something like this happens and nobody’s getting tipped, your server isn’t in tears because they didn’t feel like they made enough money, it should still be like mm-hmm.

The base rate should still be good.

Christa Innis: I agree with you.

Kendra Matthies: To me, and this is how, and it’s different. I will say if you’re going out to eat, totally different, totally different. Because I know that minimum wage is like $2 or something, and you’re living off of your tips in that. Like you’re supplementing with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it’s wrong and if it is, please correct us. I don’t know. But I would imagine that when you’re working as a server for an event like this, you’re probably getting more of like an hourly base rate that’s like less than or more than the $2 minimum wage, because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine that that should be more. Common.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I, I can’t speak obviously for all events, but I used my, my job in college, I worked at a hotel and I worked in the bar and like I was a cocktail server, but we obviously hosted events and so there were banquet servers and from my memory, they made like $11 an hour, like they were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant servers were making like five, six. Yeah. They were more inclined to get tipped. So as far as I remember, in banquets you don’t typically get tipped as a server. Yeah. Maybe bartenders will get like cash. Yeah. I can

Kendra Matthies: see, I can see bartenders, but even, yeah, me thinking of any time I’ve attended a wedding, I don’t think that I’ve ever like tipped the person that’s bringing me the plated meal.

Right. Or serving the buffet. I can’t, I don’t like think that. So to play devil as advocate on that one little, little speck, I will say. Yeah. I do think that the tipping thing. That’s, yeah, not, that’s not something that you should just expect. Like even me as a makeup artist, I get probably like 75% of my client’s tip, but it really doesn’t bother me either way because I make sure that my pricing is to where I feel like I’m comfortable after expenses or whatever, that I made money.

I don’t, you shouldn’t be relying on your tips, I guess is what I’m saying, right. For this type of a job Servers. Yeah. In the real everyday you’re working at like Bob Evans or something. I understand. Tip your servers and stuff. Yeah. I just, yes, please tip your normal servers. But I don’t know if that’s common practice for Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if they didn’t typically do this kind of thing. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, but they sound

Kendra Matthies: so, they sound so like prepared for it though. Yeah. I don’t know. Yeah. Anyways, so little tidbit. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. They didn’t get tipped and they’re crying, so, and then it says, others finally snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to allow the servers to snap at the customer.

Kendra Matthies: I understand when tensions are really high and situations are really heated to get caught in the heat of the moment. But as a, whether you’re the manager, whether you are the owner, whatever it is, your responsibility to make your uh, employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I’m gonna handle it. You have to be the one to handle the situation. You can’t because all that’s gonna do is crave more and more heat. And more heat. More heat, and that’s, everybody’s just gonna be mad. So yeah. Allowing your employees to be. Even in a position where they’re feeling like they need to go back and forth like that, like once you start to notice that the heat is coming on a little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you? What’s, what’s the problem? You shouldn’t put your employee in that position because I know that weddings that I’ve been to a lot of the times, the servers, they are like in their late teens, early twenties. That’s a lot to put on someone young. Like that’s a lot. Yeah. So I feel like that’s another thing I would interject in is in this situation it would’ve maybe been beneficial.

I know we don’t know how this ends yet, but to have the employees kind of step aside and you handle it one person, because if you’re yelling at a bunch of different people, nobody’s getting their point across. Nobody’s listening.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like at this point, the, the tips, at least of their concerns, they might not even wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah. Um, so it says, come Monday the check bounced. So no, they didn’t cash the check. I’m wonder, oh, it makes me wonder, oh wait, there’s another paragraph, so lemme read it first. Okay. Says their head pastor called to inform us they would not be paying. He warned that if we pursued the matter, the congregation would countersue, claiming we intentionally sabotaged a young, naive, God-fearing couple’s wedding under the guise of miscommunication, even though they signed a contract

Kendra Matthies: that is, whoa.

Okay. Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh, she says when it was actually reckless discrimination and somehow they won.

Kendra Matthies: Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

Christa Innis: It sounds like either She doesn’t say there was definitely a lawsuit. She just says he warned that if we pursued it, they would countersue and then just ends with. They won.

So I’m wondering if there was, they did sue them. ’cause they were like, we, we didn’t get paid.

Kendra Matthies: Whoa. First off, how any judge is letting that win over a signed contract is bonkers to me. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I need to get into my business owner mind for a second here. Yeah. Why, why allowing. Okay. Thinking that it’s 2001.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. We’re talking 25 years ago. Yeah. I feel old. I see 2001. I’m like, oh, it was like 10 years ago. 25 years ago. I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: I was, I was, I’m 28 so I was like, three what? Right. Two or three, like, um, okay. Wow. Anyways, but like I know things have updated, things have changed a lot in those 25 years, but I. I think that it’s a little bit crazy to accept just a check from a random person and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that. Maybe it was, they said it was three days before, so if it’s a Monday, it would’ve been a Friday. Okay, but

Christa Innis: you think they waited till the banks were closed so they couldn’t cash it? Maybe,

Kendra Matthies: but at that point, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m needing a cashier’s check. I’m needing like a money order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious that the funds are there, especially if communication has been so lax where I haven’t even gotten to talk to my client in weeks. Yeah, that’s, that’s wild to me. What I would say nowadays, me personally, if I’m accepting a check from a client, it has to be like a cashier’s check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting just a check because. It has the potential to bounce. Mm-hmm. And you are still, especially in this situation when there’s so much involved makeup, obviously that sucks for me. Maybe I was looking, maybe I just replenished a lot in my kit and this was money that I thought was coming that I’m going to be able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it’s sounding like this one provides, you still have to pay people. Like you still have Yeah. Things that have to be paid for. And now that that’s bounced, like whoa.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering how much that first deposit was for Like, usually I feel like when I got married it was like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah. Then it was like 50 ma. I don’t know. So I like, it does like little increments. Yeah. So I’m like, that’s not gonna cover their food or No. Like they ate all the food. That’s right. And they’re gonna like live with themselves. Knowing that they, they scam these people. Yeah. The, the, I should make it clear the people getting married, the families getting married.

Right, right. Scam the venue because they knew what they were doing. Because no one signs a contract thinking it’s gonna be, oh, we do a two hour buffet here. It’s the same as a wedding. Hey, do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. For us, it’s gonna be the same.

Kendra Matthies: I guess I’m also confused who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom? Was it who signed this? Because why does the head pastor at their church get to be involved in this lawsuit at all?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a great point. Why is he a part of this discussion?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, that doesn’t matter. Like, that’s him

Christa Innis: being like the, using like the god like hierarchy of like, oh, you use this, this very religious family, and you’re, you’re making them look bad, so don’t you do dare do that.

So it’s almost like him being like, I’m a pastor. Let me. Say it so they, which

Kendra Matthies: why is a pastor doing that? Yeah. You’re

Christa Innis: not a part of the family. You didn’t pay didn’t, you’re

Kendra Matthies: not in the contract. Didn’t pay. Yeah. That’s so weird to me. And if this did go to court and they were able to, like, again, how did a judge, why is that being allowed?

Why is the, why is the pastor of a church that they go to get, to be the deciding say of whether a contract between somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kendra Matthies: That’s just,

Christa Innis: wow. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if, like, if we read it the other way, if she’s just saying they won, basically, like we didn’t, we just went along with it.

We didn’t like try to sue them or like take any step further because he scared us basically. Then I could see that too.

Kendra Matthies: I can see that, but also like as a business, you’re

Christa Innis: out,

Kendra Matthies: you, you have a contract for a reason and if you’re not gonna stick with your policies and your contract and the things that are in there, what’s the point of having I have it.

Yeah. Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, there’s been instances in the past for me where I have made exceptions to something that’s in the contract, but it’s normally because I’m trying to be accommodating of somebody. I will say that’s tightened up a lot because of situations like this where I’ve give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just, I just don’t see how that hap like, so much went wrong with this. Yeah. And so much that I think that this business, and I hope that if they’re still around, that they learn from this, um. I mean, communication needs to be better. Their, what happens if you stop communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are better and hopefully they have more solid contracts or confidence in their contracts that should something like this happen again, it’s worth fighting for because wow, that was a lot.

Christa Innis: When people complain about like rules and stuff, it’s, it’s because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to be as as they are, is because there’s people that take advantage and now they have to be super clear. You have to cover every single instance because of people like this. Yeah. ’cause they don’t try to scam the crap outta you.

Kendra Matthies: If you are somebody that is getting married or you are going to be entering into a contract for whatever reason, read what you’re signing, please don’t just blindly sign and then claim ignorance, because nowadays I just cannot see if this went to court nowadays that that would’ve held up at all for the client’s favor.

Like I could not see that happening. No way. Um, so be mindful of what you’re signing and on the flip vendors or whoever is sending out the contracts, make sure that you feel confident in the things that are in your contract, that you feel that you could back those things up. Consult with an attorney.

Don’t just write something down and have somebody sign it. Make sure it is like a legal contract. Um, yeah, because this type of stuff happens and. Me personally as a random big sister business owner. Advice to you too. If you’re a makeup artist or a hairstylist or somebody that, let’s say you have a season that you go through and now here’s the next one.

Revisit that contract at the end of the season. What happened in that year that you don’t want to happen again? Mm-hmm. Put it into your contract so that it doesn’t happen again and go forward. You might have, like you are saying, you might have people be like, why is this so long? Or Why does this even need to be specified?

You don’t have to explain yourself to those clients, but you can say, if you want to say anything at all, while everything that’s in the contract is there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. You have to protect yourself as a business owner and as a consumer. Signing contracts. Protect yourself too. If you don’t know what a contract is saying.

If you don’t know the legal mumbo jumbo. You don’t have to, nobody is forcing you to sign anything. Yes. You can consult with somebody if you need help before signing anything, even if it’s just asking the business to clarify what this means, because Yeah, don’t sign into something that you don’t know.

Yeah. Because either one of you, it could come back and bite you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And and most, most places now, like you said, are not gonna be like, oh, you didn’t read it. Mm. They’re gonna be like, too bad you signed this. Yeah. So,

Kendra Matthies: yeah. I mean, I’ve had to do that multiple times where we’ve had to send screenshots or we’ve copied the portion of the contract that applies to X, Y, or Z situation and send it to that client and say, well then the contract that you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave with confidence with that. You have to say, well, this is what you signed, and they can come back and counter, but. This is what you signed. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me think too, kind of like looking back at the beginning that there were so many different parties involved and I think this is why a lot of places too are like, we only work with the bride and groom, or we only work with a couple getting married because I feel like they probably, the young girl comes in from the group, she’s really excited.

They’re like, yep, this sounds great. She’s the one that talks with them. They signed the contract, she probably pays the first deposit. Sounds like, yeah. It says the bride and groom agree. They pay everything. No issues. Then other people are getting involved, but maybe the moms start seeing it and they’re like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this? Um, ’cause that’s, I think that’s why there was that radio silence, right? They’re like starting to worry about the cost. Then this random uncle comes in. Yeah. And either he was planning on paying for it the whole time, or he goes, wait guys, I’ve got an idea. You know what I’m saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time? Part of me thinks yes. He’s like, I’m gonna come in. They’re not gonna ask me questions, so they don’t know me. I don’t know about the wedding. Bring this check in. Oh, it’s covered. We’re good. We’re gonna get our wedding. And then you guys come in hot and right. Want.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, because

Christa Innis: there’s people that do this like for a living.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. I mean, like I said, my dad owns a restaurant. There’s people that we have on the do not let reorder list because they’ve had multiple, and multiple and multiple times where they call back and complain that something is wrong. And to the point where we would like red label them maybe like, Hey, if they call, make sure that you are so precise and confident that everything going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back and say, X, Y, or Z happened. For example, and this is talking on my dad’s half for a little bit, but he had a customer that would constantly complain about something being wrong with the pizza. The toppings weren’t right. The, my dad owns a pizza place. The toppings weren’t right.

The cheese had slid to the side by the time that the delivery driver got it there, um, it was burn, it was too cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally my dad was working one day and it was just him and the delivery driver, and he makes the pizza. He knows that this person is a chronic complainer. Mm-hmm.

So he is on it. Yeah, just him in the building delivery driver. Nobody else makes the pizza, sends it on its way. Of course, like five minutes later, 10 minutes later, he gets a call from that person and they’re complaining, well, what’s wrong? There is a massive blonde hair in my pizza. My dad said there’s a long blonde hair.

Okay. Um, are you sure it’s not yours? No, it can’t be mine. Everybody in my family has brown hair. Okay. Um, if I send the delivery driver back, would you give him the pizza and the hair that is in that so that we can figure out where this is coming from? Oh, well, um, I mean we already ate it. We ate around it, but like, this is ridiculous.

And my dad goes, you know what’s also really funny, the delivery driver and I are both bald and nobody else is working today. So they stopped ordering after that. But it’s just so funny. And come to find out, I mean, I did a little bit of Facebook stalking their family’s all blonde. Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like. So it’s just funny, but yeah, it does happen like all the time and in so many different industries that people will just try to get away with scamming you and mm-hmm. You have to protect yourself as a business owner. Like you just, ugh. Yeah. I feel bad for when things like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying throughout this, there were definitely learning moments from this. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, management wise or whatever, and policy wise, but I think that maybe it, from the sounds of it, maybe this was kind of a newer thing for them and they just didn’t have those policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah. I think that this is us seeing what kind of happens to a lot of professionals where you have something like this happen, which. Builds those standards and things like that for it to not happen again. So I think we might have seen the beginning of this golf courses event planning. They’ve been real

Christa Innis: strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sucks. You have to learn that way. Losing $16,000 and then some. Yeah. ’cause they said they kept adding on all these extras so. Hopefully this was a learning That’s so awful moment for them. But think about the, the couple that got married. Your, your wedding was built on a lie.

Kendra Matthies: A lie.

That’s really wild. And like bad juju. Like why would you want that? Yeah. I’m curious to know, are they still married?

Christa Innis: I know, I was, I was thinking that too. I’m like, I could not, like your kids are, or your kids or family one day is asking about your wedding and you’re like, oh yeah, it was at this place. Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing. Yeah, they loved it. Oh, it was ter you know, like, ’cause if it had all the things they wanted, I don’t know. And they never specified either if it was the bride and groom refusing to pay, or if it was the moms coming in right saying they’re not gonna pay. Um, so it makes me wonder maybe it was like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like, okay, we’re gonna write a check. Huh. So many questions. It’s, I love, love getting

Kendra Matthies: vendor

Christa Innis: stories, but I also like am like, oh, I don’t like there, there’s so much missing. Right? I

Kendra Matthies: wish I could call them and be like, okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

Christa Innis: I know. Oh my gosh. That was wild.

That

Kendra Matthies: was real.

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Christa Innis: Well, I always like to end these with, as I shake my whole computer right now. I was like to end these with confessions people send me on Instagram. So here we go. This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: that’s a good one.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This one says, um, letting my friend declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn’t have been her. I, I hear that a lot and I always wonder how that happens. ’cause if that was a friend to like someone to me saying like, oh, I’m your maid of honor, and they weren’t, I would, I would probably just laugh and just move on. How do they themselves?

Kendra Matthies: I definitely have heard this a lot from my clients that, oh yeah, this person kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be a bridesmaid, but I really wanted this person to be my maid of honor. I think what happens a lot of the time is you get people pleaser brides that don’t want to offend anybody. This person probably means a lot to them. Maybe just not in the, I think they should be made of honor way, but I think that it’s hard when they’re trying to make sure that everybody’s happy.

They don’t want to start wedding drama. Especially when it comes to bridesmaids, like you’re usually picking that out pretty early in the wedding planning process. Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama? But I will say, if you are somebody that recently got engaged or you’re just announcing bridal party members and somebody’s trying to assert that, I think that.

It’s really important and in the long run better to just be clear right away. And I know that a lot of people like to do those bridesmaids boxes or things like that where they’re asking people, um, definitely make sure that you give yourself time between announcing the engagement and, and picking your bridesmaids that you kind of like have everything so you can quickly do that so that this doesn’t happen.

Yeah. ’cause I think that it’s when there’s that gap that people can just assume and then push their way into it. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it’s important. Like if you’re announcing that you’re engaged, maybe within a week or two you’re asking people, and maybe that’s a big turnaround. I don’t know. It’s a little bit hard if you don’t know the engagement’s coming, but Right.

I do think like it’s important to have a list and roster in the back of your mind. If you’re knowing within a year I’m probably gonna be getting engaged to like you, you or I’m gonna be getting engaged, like you should probably have somewhat of a roster. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Because even if you don’t have like the bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you’re gonna do, you can at least be like, oh, you know, I actually, my sister or my friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah. It’s just gonna, is being that person.

Kendra Matthies: And it might be awkward, like it probably will be awkward, those conversations, but I’d rather you have a conversation early on and it be a little bit awkward than to be submitting that you regret it to us. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Because then you’re giving in and then you’re making it their day.

Yeah. Not completely, I get that. But like you’re still like. They’re gonna have their way with whatever. Oh, gonna be these bride. Like what does it, what, where does it end? Right? We’re gonna have these bridesmaid dresses. ’cause I like these best for my body. Right? Well wait, you’re, you weren’t even supposed to be the maid of honor and then you’re gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Kendra Matthies: Exactly. No, I 1000% agree.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see, this says letting my mother-in-law add over 40 guests to the list, which meant cutting down our friends list.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh. So I personally told like family members, like they were allowed X amount of people that they could invite. But I also made it clear, like I still wanted it to be people that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn’t want my mom to invite like a random person from our church that knew me when I was three. Like, that would be kind of odd. Um. I definitely think you have to kind of go into things like that, like that, where you’re giving like a, Hey, so so-and-so’s gonna have this many people, I’m gonna have this many people, his family’s gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people. And that’s how we’re reaching capacity. Like I think that you have to be very clear with those things from the get go.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Especially if it seems like someone that everybody’s their best friend or everyone’s their friend. Right. Just give like a little limit. Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right? Yeah. And then if they give you 20 and they’re like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and so, then sure you can give wiggle room. But when you give a free reign, that’s scary territory.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. And even with wiggle room, you have to be clear though too. Like if somebody’s like, oh my gosh, I know I gave you 20 people, but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot. You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we could squeeze that one more person in, but like we’re really done after that. Like you can’t be like, okay, yeah, I guess this is not another person. Like, ’cause the more you’re lax again, give an inch, take a mile type of thing is gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, let’s do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping. Should have saved the money and skipped the drama.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. I have heard this so much, like a lot, a lot. I’m talking even on wedding days, I hear this like, oh yeah, because sometimes the lead up drama is the worst part. Like the scheduling of the bachelorette or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time it gets to their wedding day, they’re like, I don’t even wanna do this. Like I, and it’s not that they don’t wanna get married, it’s just people they don’t wanna have to put on the performance and. All of it. So I have definitely heard that a lot. I would say that if you’re somebody that you and your significant other, you don’t really necessarily want a big wedding, you don’t necessarily see even a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it’s not the best option for you. It is never worth it to put yourself in debt to have a wedding. That is wild to me. I have had brides tell me that they have taken out loans for their wedding. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Couldn’t

Kendra Matthies: be me. Couldn’t be

Christa Innis: me. It’s consumerish, consumerism, and wedding culture altogether of like, you need the biggest, best wedding to post all of our social media and have this grand day.

And it’s like. Yes, weddings are beautiful and amazing, but at the end of the day, it is a day, right? And you do not wanna go into your marriage broke or, um, owing a bunch of money or having debt. That is, I feel like that is just like a, such a hard thing to go into a marriage with.

Kendra Matthies: And I think that people kind of have created this almost stigma of, it’s like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful weddings have been elopements. One of my friends, her name you guys might follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair. Her and her husband got eloped, and I wanna say they were out in like some like desert, sorry, Meg if you’re watching, but they were in some sort of like desert, like beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the photography, and that was where the majority of their budget went. And oh, my word, talk about magazine wedding. Like some of the most stunning wedding photos I’ve seen of my life. And it was an elopement. Like it doesn’t have to be like, oh, I’m giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I’m giving up. I can get great makeup done. You can invest now in the things that do matter to you more. Like maybe you really, really want good photos, but you don’t care if it’s just four of you there. Like, you can invest in those things now because you’re not spending. $50,000 on a wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. I think it’s one of those things too about like knowing yourself, knowing your family.

If there’s high tensions and you’re like, gosh, our families clash, or gosh, like my friends are just don’t get along with so and so, you know, whatever that is, and you’re already stress thinking about it, maybe that’s a sign. Yeah. Everyone knows themselves best. Like, I, like for me, I did not want a huge wedding, but I also could not, I could only picture like all of our families and friends together dancing and like hanging out in like one big party.

Um, so it wasn’t like humongous, but it wasn’t really small either, but. For me, that was important to me and my husband, but we didn’t have drama leading up to it that we were like, oh, I’m so nervous about people being in the same room. But I know a lot of the times when they regret, I feel like it’s because they’re getting pressure from someone saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding to show off to everybody. But meanwhile, the bride and groom are the ones like suffering because they’re like, this isn’t right us. This isn’t what we want.

Kendra Matthies: Right. So you have to be mindful. It’s okay to get people’s opinions, especially when it’s from people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very important and big in your life. It’s I, it is okay to take those opinions, but at the end of the day, if that is not what you want, who’s the one going in debt because of these things? Who’s the one that’s living with the fact that, oh, my wedding was so stressful and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It’s not your parents. It’s you, so you have to be mindful of yourself when it comes to wedding planning and just like weddings in general, because ideally, I mean, I know it doesn’t happen all the time. This is a once in a lifetime thing for you. I know people get remarried. I’m not saying that, but I’m saying what you are.

Nobody’s going into a wedding hoping that they’re gonna get married again. You are hoping that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Do you want to be like the thing that’s behind that is stress? Mm-hmm. No, I don’t think that anybody wants that. So yeah, I think that taking opinions and valuing people’s input is important, but never to the point where it’s diminishing your own wants or finances, I guess, even in this case.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely listen to your gut on that one and be on the same page with your partner and then yeah, move forward from there. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. Like I’m just realizing the time. I’m like, so sorry I took so much of your time. No,

Kendra Matthies: I can’t see the time, so I’m just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I’m a certified yapper. I love it. I love

Christa Innis: No, I remember you saying that last time. I love it. ’cause I, I, I get in that tendency of like just yapping too. And so like, I love when we’re on the same page as that. So can you, for everyone listening, can you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you’re working on and all that good stuff? Yeah,

Kendra Matthies: so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, um, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one, but it’s at Kendra Matthies, everywhere else, it’s just at Kendra Matthies. Um, I’m currently working on, uh, depending on when this is getting posted, I’m gonna be in Premier Anaheim, uh, Anaheim, California.

Uh, February 1st and second, I’m gonna be teaching multiple classes there. Otherwise, I have some other classes that I’m teaching. Come April, I’m gonna be in Chicago again for America’s beauty show, and then I am working on some. Independent classes. Oh, you guys heard it first, but I am working on some independent classes, um, coming up in this year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Very exciting. Sounds like a lot of fun things are coming up. Yes.

Kendra Matthies: So much fun.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thanks again for coming on. This was so much fun hanging out.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, it was great seeing you again. Congratulations on having a podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most podcasts don’t make it past the first five or six episodes, so Wow. That’s good. Look at you going, you’re rocking and rolling and I can’t wait to see what comes for you with the podcast. I love watching your skits and everything online and yeah, I think that you’re doing a great job.

Thanks. Thank you. Yes. All right. Well thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. And I will probably see you guys in a story time coming soon, because I told Christa I didn’t wanna share it here, but I think I’m gonna build up the courage to share it soon. Yay. Yes. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Wedding Finances, Honeymoon Hacks & an MIL Meltdown — with Sara Margulis

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

The MIL stole their car keys… on the morning of their honeymoon.

This week on Here Comes The Drama, a listener shares a “drama-free” wedding that takes a sharp turn the next morning. What should have been a quiet newlywed breakfast spirals into a full-blown hotel lobby meltdown when a mother-in-law demands a ride to the airport, refuses to take no for an answer, and crosses every boundary imaginable.

Plus, Christa and Honeyfund CEO Sara Margulis break down honeymoon funds, modern gift etiquette, and why couples need to stop planning weddings they can’t afford. From Shark Tank success to wedding-industry pressure, Sara shares what couples actually need to start thinking beyond that ‘one big day’.

We’re celebrating one year of Here Comes The Drama! 🎉 Subscribe to my podcast and YouTube channel, and comment “Entered” on this episode’s YouTube video for a chance to win one $150 Visa gift card or one of two $25 Amazon gift cards. Winners will be announced on March 12.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Cash Gifts vs. Entitlement – Why asking for a honeymoon fund isn’t rude, but treating wedding guests like ATMs absolutely is.
The Honeymoon Morning Meltdown – A “drama-free” wedding explodes when a mother-in-law steals car keys and demands a ride to the airport.
Wedding Industry Pressure – How FOMO-driven marketing pushes couples to plan weddings they can’t realistically afford.
Boundaries as a United Front – Why marriage requires choosing your partner first, especially when family crosses the line.
From Shark Tank to Wedding World – Sara Margulis shares how Honeyfund grew and why fee-free gifting matters to modern couples.
Honeymoon Planning Mistakes – The biggest financial mistakes couples make when planning travel—and how to avoid them.
Choosing Peace Over Chaos – Why limiting contact with toxic family members can be necessary, even years after the wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis
“If you’d rather have someone there for a gift than their presence, you shouldn’t invite them. Be more excited to have them there versus a gift. ” – Christa Innis
“There are so many ways to make a wedding work at any budget — ultimately, it’s about the marriage, not the one big day.” – Sara Margulis
“A gift is always at the discretion of the giver. You should never expect anything.” – Sara Margulis
“Never plan a wedding where you’re counting on gifts to cover the cost.” – Sara Margulis
“Nobody has any business expecting anything from a couple in the first weeks of marriage.” – Sara Margulis
“Wedding drama doesn’t always end when the music stops.” – Christa Innis
“Issues with in-laws come up all the time — and marriage is when you learn to stand united.” – Sara Margulis
“Marriage works when you put each other first before everyone else.” – Sara Margulis
“All the villains have a backstory — but that doesn’t excuse the behavior.” – Sara Margulis
“Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
“The gift of experiences has become more important than the gift of stuff.” – Sara Margulis
“FOMO-based wedding marketing makes people feel less than — and it needs to stop.” – Sara Margulis
“If you wake up after your wedding broke and stressed, that’s not a great start.” – Sara Margulis
“Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Sara

Sara Margulis is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund, a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than $1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into a company helping couples celebrate love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honeyfund with heart-centered, human-first leadership.

She gained national attention after a memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary – not just for her savvy pitch, but for her vision of love and generosity powering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike.

Follow Sara Margulis

Your ultimate wedding etiquette guide is here! Mariah Humbert answers every question you didn’t know you had—so your big day is smooth, stylish, and stress-free: What Do I Do?: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. And today’s story that we read, my jaw probably dropped three or four times. It is a wild one. I know I say that word all the time, and I know there’s other words out there. I can use that one. Just these stories are just so, so wild.

You guys crazy. Shocking, surprising. Um. I’m just completely flabbergasted. We’ll, we’ll go with that. Um, just a little reminder, I am doing the, um, giveaway this month. I couldn’t think of the word giveaway. Um, there’s a lot going on you guys. Um. All you have to do is just share a photo, whether it’s of yourself listening to the podcast, it’s a screenshot of the podcast from your phone or a screenshot of your review.

And then tag me at Hey Christa Innis. Um, and I’m gonna give away four $50 Amazon gift cards during the month of January the winter. Winners will be announced, um, in our February 12th episode. So don’t forget to enter, tag me on social media. It can be in a post, it can be in a story. Um, it can be in your caption.

Um, even if you’re like walking on the street, holding your phone, take a picture of, it’s a selfie, but you’ll tag me in the comments, um, about the podcast. That will enter you as well. Um, just a way to say thank you. Um, the first year of the podcast went amazing and I’m just so excited to give you guys more amazing content.

We’ve had so many great interviews, so many great stories that we’ve read on here, and I’m just, we’re just getting started. You guys. There are so many more. Um. Wild things to happen. Uh, and and one thing I’m gonna try is to use a different word every single episode. And it’s funny ’cause I, like I asked you guys a while back and you guys gave me all these other words, but I just can’t, I can’t help it.

It’s wild. Okay. Anywho. Today on the podcast I have Sara Margulis here who is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund. You guys have heard me talk about Honeyfund many times before. It is the wedding registry, um, where people can give money towards your honeymoon, and I think it’s such an amazing concept and, um.

There. It’s, it’s great because I think we’re leaning a lot more into experiences versus things. Um, so Honeyfund is a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than 1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into companies, has grown into a company helping multiple couples celebrate their love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered with a background in psychology and digital marketing. Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered and human first leadership. She gained natural attention after her memorial. She gained national attention after her memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary.

Not just from her savvy pitch, but from her vision of love, generosity, empowering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike. So we have a great time chatting. She has. Such a vision for her brand. Not only that, but we just talk all about weddings, honeymoons, the importance of them and the importance of just your building blocks, um, when you’re planning your wedding as well.

Um, so without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode.

From Wedding Registry to Honeymoon Fund Revolution

Christa Innis: Hi Sara. Thank you so much for being here. Hi Christa. I’m so excited to talk to you today. Yes, I’m so glad we were able to connect. Before we get started, I mean, there’s so much drama and everything we can talk about. Can you just talk one a little bit about you and your awesome brand Honey fund?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, absolutely.

So, I’m Sara Margulis, co-founder and CEO of Honey Fund. We are almost 20 years old, but if you can believe that, next March will be our 20th anniversary. But Honey Fund is basically a wedding registry where couples can receive the gift of a honeymoon or any cash, that they need to start out together instead of, or in addition to traditional registry items.

Christa Innis: I love that. I think it’s such a smart idea and I remember the first time I saw something like that, Years ago for a friend’s wedding, and I was like, this is such a great idea because sometimes people live together for a while before getting married and they don’t need the standard like dishes or towels.

And so I think it’s a fun way to contribute to, a fun time in your friends or family members’ life. and so what kind of started the idea, what made you think of the idea behind it and what was the process for you? Like when you were like, oh, this could be something and kind of getting that together.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. So, when I was getting married, planning my wedding in 2004, We didn’t need any more household stuff. We lived in a one bedroom flat and we weren’t like, ready for our forever home. So there was no point in accumulating China and, towels and silverware and all that. but we did really wanna go on a, pretty elaborate honeymoon.

We were dreaming of a trip to Fiji, which turns out it’s about halfway around the world from San Francisco. So expensive to get to. And, my fiance and I, at the time, we were just like, what could we do that would be different from, you know, a traditional wedding registry? I can’t remember how, but I’d heard of the concept of a honeymoon registry and I kind of went online to like.

Make sure I wasn’t crazy and that was an actual thing. And it was, but it was, quite, antiquated that the options that were available were a little outdated and they were very, expensive to use. Like they wanted to charge, 9% in fees, which to us just seemed crazy. That would amount to a whole night on our honeymoon, we’d be paying in fees, right?

Mm-hmm. we just put our heads together and kind of created our own makeshift honey fund on our wedding website. And our friends and family went crazy for it. They gave us more than $5,000. We took our dream honeymoon to Fiji and when we got back they were just raving about the idea, like, how cool, like, I wish we had this when we got married.

You know, you guys should make this available to other couples. And we were already aspiring entrepreneurs. I had a background in marketing. He had a, software engineering degree. And so we built honeyfund.com about a year after our own wedding. And, Just started, we bought a few Google ads, for people searching for honeymoon registry, which there weren’t that many searches at the time.

We started signing up, you know, three, four people a day, and then it became a hundred and then became a thousand. And in 2011, we were featured on Martha Stewart Wedding’s homepage, and our site totally crashed.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. Oh my God. We made it to the big time, like somebody at Martha Stewart noticed us and is like, this is a cool idea. We’re gonna share this. So yeah, that’s a big break.

Experiences Over Stuff: Why Honeymoons Actually Matter

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s amazing. And when you explain it that way, it’s such an amazing concept and so important because I feel like there’s still like some misunderstanding from people, like how it works or, and I don’t know if you’ve seen these comments before, people saying like, well, I don’t wanna pay for someone’s honeymoon when you put it that way, it’s like, if you love this person and you want to give them a gift, what? Does it matter if they spend it on sheets in their house or they spend it on dinner, on the beach? You know? Totally,

Sara Margulis: totally. And as the gift of experiences has become more. Sort of commonplace and the gift of cash, right?

With like GoFundMe and stuff. I think it’s just kind of obvious that today’s couples, you know, the way our economy has evolved, like you can get anything you need for your household at Walmart for 3 88. it’s just cheap. Like, you know, you don’t need, a wedding registry. You don’t need your friends and family to shell out their hard earned cash to get you more stuff.

Everybody has enough stuff now. But what we really crave and what I think wedding couples really need after the stress of planning a wedding is a vacation. some memories that they’ll always cherish and, 99.999% of any giver who’s ever come through Honey Fund has said that was so much fun.

What a cool way to give a wedding gift.

Christa Innis: I love that. And isn’t there a stat out there, I might be making this up, but there’s something, some kind of stat about like couples that do take a honeymoon and take the time to take a honeymoon. Like either like. Are married longer or they have happier marriages because they start off by focusing on an experience together.

And I might be making that up, so maybe I should look it up later, but I remember hearing something about that. Yeah. Because there’s a lot of couples that, maybe they hold, off or they, aren’t able to because of other things, which obviously there’s some circumstances where you just can’t take a honeymoon.

I get it. They’re expensive. You might not have Yeah. Getting time off

Sara Margulis: work, family e emergencies. There’s all kinds of reasons why couples don’t travel, but that stat is actually from H Fund’s own research and the stat is that, couples who take a honeymoon are more likely to be happily married more than a decade later.

And, you know, when we first, did that research and kind of interpreted all that, it gave me goosebumps. I was like, oh my gosh. Like we’ve been doing something really fun and cool for, you know, 15 years. But like we didn’t realize that it was actually related to, marital satisfaction and. As someone who’s been through divorce with Honeymoon’s co-founder and having to like, go through the hardest thing imaginable, that really like sunk in for me.

And I was like, I wanna make happily ever after the reason why we exist. And so we really started thinking about like, how do we not only get couples on that first honeymoon, but keep them traveling together throughout their married lives so that they can, benefit from the relationship skill of travel, right?

So like mm-hmm. When couples take time away from the stress of everyday life, when they take time to focus on each other, quality time, time to dream, time to just breathe out. They have better relationships, stronger relationships. And so, we just launched anniversary fund last year so that, this year actually, so that couples could continue to travel together.

The couples who miss their honeymoons could have that opportunity to celebrate a master anniversary with the help of friends and family and make that honeymoon happen.

Christa Innis: I love that. that would be like my advice for people, again, if it’s feasible for people, but like to plan when you’re planning your wedding, to plan that honeymoon.

Even just get it on the books, even if it’s not right away. Yes. Having that date, it’s ’cause it’s something to one look forward to after the wedding that doesn’t involve anybody but your partner. And two, it’s like, it’s those memories right away as a married couple. And, I feel like it just, it really, like we were talking about, it’s like we have all this stuff, right?

We just keep accumulating stuff year after year and that just really brings home the idea of experiences over more things, right? Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. Yeah, you got it. And so I just, I feel like it’s so important and the people I knew, I knew different couples that year. They were like, oh, we’re gonna wait till next year to do a trip or we’re gonna do this.

And then before you know it, some of those couples never ended up taking one because Yeah. Whether they decided to have start having kids or they move, or other things come up and that things are gonna always come up. Always. So I think it’s a way to like kind of prioritize your relationship and being like, okay, this week we’re setting aside our honeymoon and that’s what we’re gonna do.

Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. And also it’s like this great opportunity to like get time off that like nobody can say no to. Like no boss is gonna be like, no, I’m not giving you time off for your honeymoon. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s kind of a freebie, so you gotta take it while you can. Right. but yeah, I really agree that, starting your marriage off, being able to like decompress after the wedding planning, which is really stressful. I mean, the big day is awesome, but sometimes you’re just kind of in shock, right? And like the next day you’re like, whoa, what just happened? And you just need a minute to collect yourself before you jump right back into work and everything.

I think it’s really important.

The Wedding Letdown No One Warns You About

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, totally. you hear of that, like, this didn’t happen to me, but I know a lot of brides where they almost, depression’s gonna be a really strong word, but a lot of them felt like, bumped after their wedding. Yes. Because they put so much stress and you know, they spend weeks and months and Yes.

Planning, you’re around family and friends all the time doing this fun event and then the day after they’re like, ah, I have nothing to look forward to. And Okay. Which is such a sad way to look at it. And like, that’s why I like always tell people too, I’m like, it’s about starting the marriage. Like yeah.

It’s not all our focus on that one day. Right. But I think the honeymoon can really help with it too, because that’s that thing to look forward to of like starting your life, yeah. Together and just no responsibilities on the trip. Just be Yeah,

Sara Margulis: I totally agree with you. I think there’s a lot of, bride specifically who mourn the loss of the wedding planning part of their lives and the, joy and the comradery and the community and everything around wedding planning and many of those actually become winning mentors.

Mm-hmm. So that they can like, stick with it. It was just something they fell in love with and they don’t wanna to be gone anymore. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I do think a lot of people find their passion through wedding planning. Like, they’re like, oh, I love doing this. Or they might find their hatred about planning stuff, so they’re like, get me out of here.

So. Before Honey Fund. you worked in marketing for a while, you said mm-hmm. I think you also said customer service. So how do you think those experiences helped you prepare for this business and ultimately launch this business?

Sara Margulis: Oh, that’s a great question that nobody has ever asked me before, Christa.

Oh, wow. I thank you for that totally new question. marketing was something that I fell into after college. I actually studied music as my undergraduate degree with a minor in German, so it was a very like, just non-committal major, you know, like I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had a math and science background in high school, but I didn’t wanna be like, you know, an engineer or like a scientist and,

when I got my first job in marketing, I just fell in love with it. I loved the intersection of like, math and analytics with like, customer psychology basically. and so that came really naturally to me. And so when we started Honeyfund, I was able to bring, I went on to get a master’s degree in business with an emphasis in marketing.

So I was able to bring all that sort of passion and training to, and my experience planning a wedding. So my understanding of the wedding industry too, to bear in creating honey fund. prior to that I had been in customer service, and there’s something about customer service that I just love.

It’s the idea that, you have an opportunity to delight someone who’s frustrated with your brand to turn them around, to make them an advocate because you took such good care of them to take full accountability for any failure that they had. that comes really, really easily to me. and I just love the, like, the interaction and the opportunity to serve people.

so I think all of that came together to make Honey Fund. it was just all about like, what would I want, do I think would help other couples, like have a great experience and dealing with brides and money. Those are two of the trickiest things that a business can, deal with.

but we’ve been successful I think because we have a really clear vision about what it is we’re trying to offer people. A commitment to trying to be fee free as much as possible, and a commitment to just radically awesome customer service.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And so then you guys took your idea, or you were already a business, but then you guys went over to Shark Tank and you were pretty successful there.

So what was that story like and how did that kind of all come about?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, so we were just plugging away in like 2012. I think we’d done about 200 million in gifting at that point. this was six years after we launched. We had just started hiring people for the business. We, had some customer service, folks and we’re starting to hire like a designer and things like that.

but prior to that, we’d run it all ourselves, just two of us. and we got an email from Shark Tank. And I don’t, I’m not a fan of reality television. I don’t watch it for the most part. so I really didn’t know much about the show, and my first gut instinct was like, I don’t wanna be on a reality TV show.

Like that just sounds like a nightmare. but once we kind of dug into what the show was a little bit more, we were like, oh, this is interesting. So they invited us to apply to the show. They, somebody in casting knew somebody on the crew who had given a honey fun gift to a friend and was like, that was so cool, you know?

Mm-hmm. And talked about us to casting. and they were looking for companies in season six that were a little bit more established, than like, your mom and pop, you know, cupcake company or whatever. Yeah. So we applied and we got cast and we walked into the tank in June of 20 14. we did a deal with Kevin O’Leary.

We actually got three offers, one from Robert, one from Barbara, and one from Kevin. And we took Kevin’s offer and, closed the deal ahead of the airing date of October, 2014. And, still partner with Kevin today. he’s been a great, asset and just a fan of the brand and the customers.

The wedding sort of, he loves love. You know, he actually officiated a wedding for us on Zoom during COVID. We did like a wedding rescue giveaway where Mr. Wonderful will like officiate your wedding. Oh my gosh. And people sharing their COVID cancellation stories and, it was cool. He’s been a really fun partner.

Christa Innis: Wow. So what was it about him? So you said you have three offers. What was it about him that made you guys be like, this is our right person to go to help us.

Sara Margulis: So we had walked into the tank with kind of our idea of like how much equity we were willing to give away. And you know, if you’ve watched Shark Tank, you kind of say like, I want, you know, 400,000 for 10% of my company.

Right. well they, Robert and Barbara both wanted something like 30% and we were like, that’s just our line in the sand was 25. So we, countered at 25. Robert was just like, that’s ridiculous. And Kevin just swooped in and he said, look, I’ll give you a loan. I’m gonna take no equity. You just have to pay me back three times what I’m gonna loan you.

And that’s what we did. And he, to this day, like he got paid back in the first few years, we gave him a little option, stock options, so that, you know, he would be aligned with us in the long term. But, it was an amazing deal. Wow. That’s

Christa Innis: awesome. And I’m sure that also, like, even though it wasn’t.

Your vision at first of going on Reality tv, I’m sure it gave you kinda like an extra boost of being like, wow, this is like really gonna take off now. This is really awesome that Oh yeah. Someone believes in it. Oh yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I mean, our traffic went crazy the night of the airing, even though we were up against the World Series and like some, football games that night.

It was a Friday night. our site crashed, you know, even though we had prepared and did everything we thought we could do to be ready for the traffic. and yeah, we definitely like, grew a lot after Shark Tank and to this day continue to get a little bump every time the reruns come around on CNBC.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, I love that. That’s awesome. so what do you think your, like biggest challenge has been, either like with starting up the business or now to this day? Like it. Getting the business out there or explaining it to new couples. what do you think that kind of challenge or hurdle has been?

Sara Margulis: Oh my gosh. I mean, how much time do we have, Christa? it’s been a 20 year journey. I would say the biggest challenge in the beginning was figuring out the monetization model. Like we just wanted couples to be able to get money for their honeymoon and not have to pay any fees. there’s not a lot of like revenue for a business and that model.

Right, right. finding a way to continue to offer either the lowest fees or no fees, to couples while still being able to, earn revenue and, employ a team, was a very, very long journey. And we actually just kind of cracked the code on it this year, with the honey fund MasterCard.

So you can now, receive the gifts. You pay no transaction fees when the gifts come into your wallet. And then when you are ready to, cash out your fund, you can move the money to a prepaid MasterCard and spend it. Anywhere around the globe that MasterCard’s accepted for no fees at all. So that was a big deal, that was like huge.

and then, you know, couples can also cash out to PayPal, Venmo for a small fee, but it’s the lowest in the industry. And again, like our commitment is just, we want couples to get every cent that they got from their wedding guests and put it towards their honeymoon or whatever their savings goal is.

Christa Innis: I love that.

Sara Margulis: So that was a challenge. the other one I would say, biggest by far, well two that came back to back first our split. and when Josh exited the business, that was really hard. and, just emotionally difficult. Transitioning the team, or notifying really the team and kind of helping them make the transition to new tech leadership.

and then right after that, COVID hit and our revenue dropped off a cliff overnight. like weddings and honeymoons canceled. but in the end, that was a catalyst for growth for us because we went out and did a crowdfunding raise. and our past couples and wedding guests who’ve given on the platform our followers, Kevin’s followers all together, bought in for a $1.5 million and, helped us grow the company from, the wreckage of COVID to, what we’re doing today, which is 120,000 couples a year and $80 million in gifting.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. I’m sure like COVID was such a challenging time for so many businesses, and I can only imagine when it comes to like weddings. Like we had a few different friends that were supposed to get married that year and venues just randomly closed and they wouldn’t hear any news and vendors weren’t really sure what was going on, so I Oh, it was so awful.

Sara Margulis: Yeah, it was, I mean, that so stressful. So many vendors and just wedding related companies in general, revenue just disappeared. And some of them were on the hook for, money that they spent with venues or whatever else. It was awful.

Cash Gifts, Etiquette, and the Fine Line Between Asking and Expecting

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. before we get to, I’m gonna do rapid fire next, but, what is your main piece of advice for brides, grooms, anyone getting married right now when it comes to setting up a registry?

What is your biggest tip, or piece of advice?

Sara Margulis: I would say like, don’t be afraid to do a cash registry or a honeymoon fund. I know some couples are still a little bit more traditional about it. Or worry that their friends and family won’t, be open to the idea. But like I said, everybody who’s ever used Honey fund, their friends and family went crazy for it and like loved giving the gifts and raped about the idea.

So, don’t be afraid to do that. On the flip side, I think there’s a generation of couples coming in now that are, a little bit too, like ready to ask for cash and just slap in their Venmo QR code on their invitation, and they’re like, whoa, okay, we gotta hold our horses here. This is like from an etiquette standpoint, like a little sticky. and we, built Honey Fund to really take all of those etiquette considerations into account. So, you know, your friends and family really feel like they’re shopping from a registry and not just dumping cash into your wallet, right? So, we think Honey Fun strikes the sweet spot between those two and, friends and family, they just wanna get you what you want.

You really said it at the beginning of the episode. Why wouldn’t they wanna support your dreams and get excited about funding your trip? so yeah, that would be my biggest piece of advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and you, it’s not fun. ’cause we’ll make it easy for you to do it in an etiquette, approved way.

Christa Innis: yeah. For sure. I totally agree with what you say because I feel like still to this day, it should not be an expectation that someone’s gonna just hand you cash or hand you money. Absolutely. People, of course, most people in your, family and friends want to give some kind of wedding gift.

Mm-hmm. I’ve never personally, seen a Venmo thing on an invite, but I have heard of a lot of people and like, stories people have sent me. Mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: And

Christa Innis: I’ve seen a lot of stories about high expectations of like, I’m the bride, give me your money, give gifts. Right. And I feel like there’s definitely a right way to do it.

Mm-hmm. Because like. I remember when I got engaged, I was like, I’m not, I don’t expect anything. But so many, so many family friends were reaching out, saying like, send me a registry. Like before I even did it, they were like, oh, I can’t wait to, you know? Mm-hmm. What are you looking for? And so people will want to, but yeah, it’s, there’s a right time and a place of like how, how to do it, for sure.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. And I think the biggest horror stories around gifting come from. sense that the couple isn’t grateful or they expect you to spend a certain amount of money to cover the cost of your plate or something. And I say like, first of all, never spend money that you aren’t a hundred percent comfortable spending.

Never plan a wedding that you feel like if we don’t get this certain number of gifts, we’re not gonna be able to cover this. Like, that’s not okay. If you, if you need money to plan your wedding, you can do wedding funding on honey fund, you could add some things to your registry that are gonna help you, like flowers or, you know, open bar or whatever the costs are, and invite your closer in circle to help fund those, because those are the people that are gonna help you cover the cost of your wedding anyway, right?

Mm-hmm. and then, when it comes to, like, gifting, strict etiquette says that’s at the discretion of the giver, that you should never expect anything. And if you do, It’s not gonna be good for your relationship with your closest friends and family. People love you the most.

It’s gonna put a sour taste in their mouths and you don’t wanna do that to everyone you love at once.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Don’t, not a good, don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding. Right. Look at them as people, if you’d rather have someone there because they’re gonna give you a big check, then you shouldn’t be inviting them.

Right. And I feel like people get lost in that a lot of times. Like they think about like, oh, I want a big wedding ’cause of this. And it’s like, no. Like you should be more excited to have them there versus a gift.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: for sure. I actually just read, I feel like I was either a Reddit story or someone sent it to me about getting invited to a wedding where it clearly stated on the invitation it said, you are required to pay for your plate.

And it gave the cost of the plate and they, and it was like all these really strict rules and that was one where I was like, oh,

Sara Margulis: okay,

Christa Innis: that’s

Sara Margulis: okay. So

Christa Innis: much. We’re getting a little, a little forward with that.

Sara Margulis: To me, that sounds like, one of those mock weddings they do for like wedding vendors or something.

It doesn’t sound like a real wedding to me. I can’t even imagine actually. Yeah, putting that on there. and there’s so many ways to make a wedding happen at any budget. We have actually a lot of templates for low cost, a thousand dollars, $5,000 weddings on Honeyman’s blog. you can have a wedding in a park on a Thursday afternoon with an officiant and you know, your 20 closest friends and family and a cake.

And you know it’s not about all the pomp and circumstance. It’s not about the decorations or the number of people or the chicken or the fish. It’s about you and your person really being authentic about like, what can we afford to spend? What kind of vibe do we want? Who do we want to be there?

Ultimately, like you said, it’s about the marriage. It’s not about the one big day. And if you’re only doing it before the day, then you know, you kind of have to ask yourself like, what am I gonna do when it’s over? Like, do I wanna be married to this person? You know, those are the tough questions.

Yeah. When it comes to getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Sit together and go through what’s most important for you. What do you wanna spend more money on?

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: cause I just did like a rapid fire recently that was like, what’s more important for like me? It was like the dress or spend more on the honeymoon.

I was like, honeymoon all the way. Oh yeah. I didn’t even get a super expensive dress. I was like, I knew wear for one day. Yeah. I’d rather go go owl out on the honeymoon.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I actually sold my dress after the wedding. ’cause I was like, I don’t have a place to store this. You know? It’s not like it was some dream dress that, I loved it.

It was beautiful and I’ve got all the pictures, but like, let some other bride enjoy it for a good price. You know, that was kind of my, yeah. Yeah. It’s like, I

Christa Innis: love that.

Sara Margulis: Re reduce, reuse, recycle kind of California vibes over here.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. I should honestly do that with some of my bridesmaid dresses.

I have so many bridesmaid

Sara Margulis: outfits. There you go. Oh my gosh. Right. I’ve used them for Halloween costumes.

Christa Innis: That’s a great idea. You know what the funny thing is I’ve given away, so I’ve been in 10 weddings and I’ve given away two, and I was literally looking for one this year and it’s one I got rid of and I was like, darn it for Halloween, because I was gonna, Belinda.

Oh. I was like, oh, I had a pink dress. And I was like, that would’ve perfect. I don’t know where it is. I think I got rid of it.

Sara Margulis: Oh man. I wanna offer one more piece of advice. This came up recently. Mm-hmm. in the news. People like wonder, like why do I need a honey fund? Can’t I just have like a honeymoon contribution box like on the day of my event and just have people bring cash or checks or whatever, which is like, a totally legitimate question, but it’s not very secure and there are plenty of stories of couples having all their cash gifts stolen at the wedding.

so, making it available to your friends and family ahead of time. First of all, make sure that everybody’s got access to the gift, whether they can come or not. Second of all, it’s secure. you’re gonna get the money for free anyway, so it’s not like you have to try to skirt the system. and you can put a QR code on your, gift table for people who hadn’t gotten it, in ahead of time to, send you a little bit something through your honey fund.

Christa Innis: I love that for someone like me, I love when couples have one because I don’t carry checks. Yeah. So I, yeah, I’m such a, I don’t know if I’m, I think I’m like a middle millennial. Maybe I’m younger, millennial, I don’t know. But I don’t carry checks. So when there’s a wedding coming up, it’s like I have to make an extra trip to the bank, or I get a bunch of cash out and I’m like, oh my gosh, like you are gonna have a couple hundred bucks in a card.

That’s like very risky to me. So I love when they offer a honey fund because it’s so much easier for me to be like, just do it right from my phone. Like, that’s so much easier. I get a card still, I put it on the table and I write like little note, like, check your honey fund, or you know, or whatever.

Sometimes I do that. Love it. but it’s so much easier. Yeah. Sounds good. And we had that too, like even like a couple people that couldn’t make it to our wedding. the day of like they were sick or their kids were sick and they just like sent something and then we just got like an email and it was like, so sorry.

And then they sent their gift that way. So it was like, even if you couldn’t be there, it’s just like an easier way. We all have access on our phones. lot of us don’t have checks anymore. Mm-hmm. Or carry around cash. A lot of us don’t carry around cash.

Sara Margulis: so many people now just don’t ever carry cash. And like, I usually have a little cash, but like, not enough when I usually want it.

I don’t have it, so. Yep. It’s so funny. You just have everything with your phone now.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh yeah. The ease. So, or like at

Sara Margulis: Whole Foods you can use your palm to pay. I’m not into that yet, but, oh, that’s a, we’ll have to look into that as a feature for honey fund, like gift table. Like just be with your palm, just put

Christa Innis: hand.

Technology is wild. It scares me sometimes, but it’s a hundred percent Cool.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Wedding Industry Pressure & FOMO Marketing Gone Wild

Christa Innis: Okay. We are gonna go into rapid fire. It’s honeymoon, and kind of like CEO edition, so there’s kinda like mixed in there. Okay. Let’s do it. Okay. What’s a realistic honeymoon budget for most couples?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I love this. so I’ll give you some averages and then I’ll give you some ranges.

So, average honeymoon budget right now is $6,500. This is a survey of H Fund couples, that has gone up considerably since pre COVID. Wow. 2,700 I, or 3000 I think was the sort of typical amount to spend prior to COVID, and a much larger wedding budget. That’s almost flipped now where you have, $6,500 honeymoons and like maybe 12, $15,000 weddings.

So people are just allocating a much bigger portion of available funds to their honeymoon. And I think you nailed it when you said like, yeah, we know what we’re doing for our honeymoon. You know, a lot of couples I asked today that are newly engaged, Where are you gonna get married?

What month? Blah, blah. They don’t know any of that. Where are you going on your honeymoon? We’re going to Thailand. Mm-hmm. Like, they already know. You know what I mean? So it’s interesting. Yes.

Christa Innis: I love that. I’ve noticed that too. I feel like it’s definitely changed a little bit and I think people are getting more creative with where they’re going.

I feel like it used to be like, my parents’ generation, it was like Hawaii. I think everyone went to Hawaii. Oh yes, yes. And we even looked at Hawaii and it was so expensive. So we ended up doing like all-inclusive resort. But yeah, I just feel like there’s a lot more emphasis on realizing like.

Planning this trip is like really important. Mm-hmm. Even if you can only do a couple days mm-hmm. Somewhere. Mm-hmm. Just to like plan something a little getaway. I love that. Yep. Should you save for the honeymoon before or after the wedding? Should

Sara Margulis: you save for it before or after?

it really depends on, when you wanna take the honeymoon. I’m a big fan of long engagements that allow you to start setting money aside from each of your paychecks every month to kind of build a seed fund for your wedding and honeymoon. and then of course your H fund, you know, contributions are gonna help you cover it too.

So if you’re planning to go right after your wedding, I think you wanna have a financial plan around your honeymoon, like six months ahead of the wedding. So what we’re doing now is we’re offering, couples a 0% interest credit card offer so that they can get that booked but not have to pay it back until after, the wedding, when their honey fund gifts come in.

Oh, great. So, yeah, I think you need a financial plan and if you can save, one to two years ahead of your wedding and honeymoon, absolutely. Start doing that. Mm-hmm. if you know you’re not gonna be able to honeymoon until six months or a year after. continue to save until that time comes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And put it on your calendar just so you Yes, absolutely. Put something or let it slide off. You gotta

Sara Margulis: book it. You gotta ask for the time off. You gotta make sure everyone in your life knows, like, these are our honeymoon dates. Don’t plan somebody else’s wedding during this time, or whatever. Right? Yes.

Christa Innis: what’s the biggest honeymoon money mistake you think couples make?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I think it can be really easy to, with all of the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding for the honeymoon, planning to fall through the cracks, and then you maybe are scrambling to plan it a little too late and you’re not getting access to the best prices.

So kind of making sure that you have a honeymoon planning sort of timeline that’s happening alongside your wedding planning. deciding early where you wanna go, finding out the best time of year to travel there. when flights are gonna be most reasonable, when hotel rooms are gonna be most reasonable.

And, planning well ahead I think is the best way to save money in most cases in life in general. Yes. But certainly with travel planning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. Yeah. It’s funny ’cause like one of the weddings I was in, my friend is such a planner that like, I think we all booked for Her bachelorette party was in Miami, not Miami. Sarasota, siesta Key. I love Sarasota. I think we all had our flights booked. Like she had exactly where she, like, she planned it herself as the bride. She’s like, I found these two houses we’re gonna rent. I found these flights. They’re like this cheap.

And like, because it was so in advance, it was such a good price for everything. She knew the right season to go. She knew the right time. Like I think we went like four months before her actual wedding, just ’cause the timing was right. Wow. so you can actually do pretty well, especially with flights and stuff like saving money.

Buying on travel Tuesday versus like Yes. Last minute flights. Yes. yeah. So smart and

Sara Margulis: there’s so much tech now that can tell you, it can alert you when flight prices drop. It can help you with like different types of connections that can save you money. Like, I would say definitely if you like travel planning, like start on it as soon as possible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I didn’t ask this one before, but we kind of talked about it, about like having your honeymoon as a part of your wedding budget. Do you think those should be two separate budgets or just like one big and then figure out how much you wanna allocate?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, I mean, realistically speaking, it’s all one budget, which is your combined financial picture, right?

And so you have to ask yourself, when we wake up the morning after our wedding night, how much money do we wanna have in the bank for? The next step in life, whether that’s buying a home or paying off debt or going and doing a master’s program or something. your financial life never, ends, right?

You have to be constantly planning ahead. we actually have a worksheet, it’s called the one page wedding plan, where you just sit down and like think about, okay, how much money do we have in the bank now? How much time do we have to save? How much do we expect friends and family to be able to contribute and then helps you allocate that financial picture across all the different things.

And like I said, you know, what we’re finding is couples are allocating so much more of their overall budget picture to the honeymoon these days than they used to. Mm-hmm. And a lot less on the wedding because they just, number one, it’s like impossible to afford. we just did a bunch of research on destination weddings and we learned that couples are holding destination weddings within the US just to go to a more affordable wedding market.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s,

Sara Margulis: isn’t that interesting?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And kind of then just turning that trip into their honeymoon Probably. Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Not nec. No, they’re not even, they’re still taking a separate honeymoon, but they’re having a destination wedding just because wherever they live is just too expensive to plan a wedding.

Yeah. Isn’t that fascinating?

Christa Innis: And it’s wild how it changes from state to state. Yes, definitely. I’m in Wisconsin and I think they’re, I mean, we went pretty affordable for ours, so I think, I shouldn’t say, or affordable, it was still on the, it was still up there, but, I hear like California or New York price, like downtown New York prices.

I’m like, woo. New York though.

Sara Margulis: the New York wedding industry is almost a completely different beast all on its own and it influences so much of the rest of the industry, I think really unfairly, because the big sites like the Knot and WeddingWire, you know, are out of New York and.

It’s just not real. it’s just New York. like I said, you can do a wedding in a public park with no venue cost, you know, with your friend ordained online, no efficient cost at a cake that you buy at Whole Foods or whatever your local grocery store like what you need is your love.

That’s it. and you can build from there. If you kind of start with this like, okay, what’s like the minimum? We need to do this? And then just build from there. Okay, this is important to us. That’s important to us. Yeah. We can afford that. Yeah. We’re willing to spend our money on that. you’ll come up with something that I think is truly authentic and fun and unique for your friends and family and like so supportive of your financial picture and your future together.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve been to some beautiful weddings that were like DIY. Under a tent and it looked great. And it’s just about having that eye and it’s intimate, it’s small. Yeah. And then I’ve been to huge weddings that they spent a lot of money and they were beautiful, but that was what was important to them.

Right. And it looked great and they had the funds for it. Right. Right. And I think a lot of it is like comparison and people follow these, like, influencers in New York and they’re like, oh my gosh, that’s how much I have to spend. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna go broke. And it’s like, no. Yeah, you don’t have to do that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Actually, I’m gonna tell you a quick little side story right now because, I’ve been working with a reporter that, writes for the New York Times for a couple years on a story about the real cost of weddings. And I don’t mean like the super expensive New York weddings, I mean everyday weddings that couples are having that are so cool and unique and financially accessible.

And the fact that like 30,000 might still be the average, but it’s not actually the most common budget anymore. that’s skewed by like very, very expensive. Like the New York weddings we’re talking about. and just, kind of like resetting expectations about what it actually cost you to plan a wedding.

The story that came out was like, completely not that. It was just like, this is why weddings are so expensive and this is where you’re gonna have to spend. And I was just like pulling my hair. I’m like, no, this, it’s just an unrealistic, like expectation and it’s a false sort of like, I don’t know.

I think it’s misleading. I really encourage couples not to buy into it because it’s just like any other industry or business, you know? Mm-hmm. They’re gonna try to get you to feel like if I don’t do that, I’m gonna regret it forever. That sort of emotional, sort of FOMO based marketing in the wedding industry really gets my blood boiling.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, for sure. I work in marketing too, and I feel like I can seek stuff like that out. it’s funny ’cause even like, some sales stuff, I feel like my husband’s so quick to be like, oh, that’s a great deal. And I’ll be like, weren’t they just that? You know, like I can, kind of scope some of that stuff up.

Yeah,

Sara Margulis: it kind of goes to like, back, and I don’t even know if they say this anymore, but like, back to like engagement rings, they’d be like, oh, he should spend six months of his salary on an engagement ring, or her dress should cost this much. And it’s just like, why are we setting these expectations for other people?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not knowing their job, their budget, their interests.

Sara Margulis: yeah,

Christa Innis: for me, like I just said, like my dress was, I wanted a beautiful dress. Yes. But I did not wanna spend $10,000 or $5,000 on a dress. That just wasn’t me.

Sara Margulis: I know. And I’m so glad you mentioned diamonds because, They have these beautiful lab grown diamonds now literally can’t tell the difference.

Nobody would know. Even like a moist aite is like gorgeous. like I have a five carat moist aite that I wear a lot, and I have to be careful when I wear it because people are like, damn, she’s got money. You know, like if I had it to do over again, I would, be smart about where to put that money because we did some math on like the typical or the, quote, average wedding price of $35,000.If you invested that on day one of your marriage, you would have 1.2 million for retirement so, like that’s what you’re not getting by spending that much money on your wedding day. When you think about it that way, it’s like a totally different perspective, you know? Yeah.

It makes you make different choices.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s wild. You got, it’s like you gotta take the pressure off of like take off the blinders of what everyone’s trying to tell you to do and just yeah. Look at what’s in front of you. Talk to your partner. Yeah. What do we wanna do? Yeah. Like, you know, everybody else.

It’s definitely easy to fall into the trap of like, well, they got married in this palace and it was so beautiful. And it’s like, is that feasible?

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Like, you

Christa Innis: wanna get married there,

Sara Margulis: or,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Sara Margulis: Right. I mean, yes, of course we all want to stay in the most luxurious, you know, villa on our trips or whatever, but like, you can have an incredible experience and make it affordable.

And that’s why, you know, on Honeyfund, you’re not gonna find that kind of like FOMO based, like marketing messaging. You’re not gonna find this whole world of like these real weddings that are just way out of your price point and make you feel like less than. We just help you share the details of your, day, get some money to help fund your, wedding or honeymoon or whatever savings goal.

We have RSVP and guest management. We try to just be like a simple alternative to those like

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: Overblown wedding planning sites.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. All right. I got a little sidetracked from the rapid fire, but so did

Sara Margulis: I. That wasn’t rapid at all. Yeah,

Rapid Fire Truths: Honeymoon Planning, Timing, and Money Mistakes

Christa Innis: I know. I love it. Okay, I’ll do a couple more and then we’ll get into this week’s story submission.

Okay. So now we’re running a little, a little late. Okay. let’s see. Do you think couples should delay the honeymoon to save money or take it right away and then we kinda just talked about this, but

Sara Margulis: Delay it [honeymoon] only if it’s gonna make it like a much better trip for you and it’s gonna cost you less, but otherwise take it right away.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: What’s your thought on like surprise honeymoons? Because I’ve seen a couple times where there’s surprise honeymoons, whether it’s like the groom plans it or someone a family member plans it for the couple. What are your thoughts on that?

Sara Margulis: If it’s a travel planner doing it and they’ve interviewed you extensively about what kind of trip you want? Yes. Or if you both just love to be surprised. Yes. Otherwise hell no.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That was my thought when I first read about a story like that, I was like, I would hate that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. No, let, let me plan more on that. Unless you’re both like that personality or like I said, somebody whose job it is to plan awesome trips and, make sure you love it, but not like an in-law or a friend.

No way. Jose,

Christa Innis: right? Yes. You’ve been on one of their great trips and you’re like, okay, I know what they know what they’re doing. Yes. Yes. I’ll do that. Okay. I love that.

The Wedding Calm Before the Chaos.

Christa Innis: Okay. Let’s get to this week’s wedding story submission. Here we go. Feel free to stop me at any time or we’ll kind of just pause and react.

Okay. Okay. Going into my wedding day, I was honestly bracing for chaos. Knowing my mother-in-law, I was sure something would go down. I’d experienced her episodes before and let’s just say I have some stories. Seriously, let me know if you want more. She has a long history of taking her anger towards her ex-husbands out on my husband and I truly thought she might ruin our day, especially because she was going to be there alongside her first husband and his wife and her second husband and his wife.

A full soap opera cast y’all. But somehow against all odds, the wedding itself was perfect. Not a single issue. Everyone behaved. It was peaceful, joyful, and completely drama free. That’s amazing. I was like, you glad your job free

Sara Margulis: to. Thanks

Christa Innis: so much. Story over

Sara Margulis: Christa.

Christa Innis: It was great talking to you. That was it.

Stolen Car Keys, Police Threats, and a Mother-in-Law Meltdown

Alright. Yeah, yeah. How disappointing would that be if people are like, okay, I’m ready. And I’m like, drama free guys. There was nothing for the first time ever. Yeah. she goes until the next morning. So at least the mom held it off the wedding day, which is on the wedding day, which I would say it’s pretty polite to like, you know?

Mm-hmm. Bare minimum, but yeah. Okay. For some, like her, she had gifted us a hotel room at Embassy Suites for wedding night. Very thoughtful. What we didn’t know, she also booked herself a room at the same hotel. So the morning after, my husband and I head down for what we think will be our first quiet breakfast together as newlyweds.

We walk in and there she is frantically waving from across the breakfast lounge. We were stunned, but okay. We go over and say hi. She invites us to eat with her. we didn’t really want to, but out of politeness, we sit down. See, for me, I’m like, we all, actually, I think my husband and I stayed at like a bed and breakfast in the same tone, but we ended up going to the hotel to like go see everybody.

Yeah. You

Sara Margulis: wanted to see these people. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn’t sound like this bride wanted to see her mother-in-law the next morning.

Christa Innis: Right. It sounds to me like. She almost made it sound like the mother-in-law when she booked it, made it sound like, oh, I got you guys a nice room over at the Embassy Suites.

Mm-hmm. So they’re like, oh, awesome. This is really nice. Right. We walk down, surprise. Yeah. Small talk starts and then she drops it. So how was your first night? We awkwardly respond fine. What else do you say to your mom-in-law? And then the real drama begins? She says, I need a ride to the airport.

Mind you, there were over 20 family members staying nearby, all flying out that day. Any one of them could have taken her, but she insists that we, the just married couple must do it even though it would add two hours to our already nine hour drive to our honeymoon in Orlando. Oh my God. We respectfully decline and offer to pay a hundred dollars for a cab instead.

That’s when she completely loses it. Right there in the lobby, in front of staff, in front of other guests. She calls us selfish saying We’re ungrateful for the $300 room she paid for. Then she tells us she’s keeping our car keys to my husband’s BMW, which she had driven the night before until we change our minds.

Oh my goodness. Wow. Oh wow. So this is like a full on like tantrum now to like get Yeah.

Sara Margulis: I just, I can’t even imagine like ruining someone’s morning after like that. what in the world. It’s like she

Christa Innis: had this planned all along to be like, oh, I’m gonna make this hotel room for them, so that’s gonna be my nice deed.

Right. But I’ll be there. Yeah. they have no other choice but to drive me.

Sara Margulis: Ugh. God, I’m kind of speechless, to be honest. Krisa like, first of all, nobody has any business expecting anything from a wedding couple in the first couple weeks of marriage. Like they’re in their honeymoon phase, like, second of all, like I don’t imagine the mother-in-law is thinking ahead of like, okay, well this is my daughter-in-law now forever, hopefully. and like I’m gonna start my relationship with her as her official mother-in-law by being a total bee. Like, I just don’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. That’s what always confuses me about these kind of stories.

I’m like, don’t they want to see their son or child more? And I feel like they don’t realize or think through that. Like, if they act this way, they’re gonna see them less and less because no one’s gonna wanna be around them.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s honestly as the mother of, both a son and a daughter, and having a brother too.

It’s different for the mother of the groom. because in families, you know, women often kind of take the lead on social stuff and they tend to just be more comfortable with and gravitate towards their own family. So you’re gonna find your, precious baby boy spending less time with you and more time with her family.

Right. And that’s just kind of the way life is. so I think if you wanna mitigate that, you gotta be pretty nice. Yes. Yeah. if you just wanna throw a tantrum about that Sure. Throw your tantrum, but it’s not gonna help you make it better.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, exactly. she screams it’s your duty as my only son to protect me and get me to the airport and storms off with our keys.

Also knowing that they have to drive to their honeymoon already nine hours away. I know. I’m like, I wanna buy them a plane ticket right now. I know, I know. And it’s not like this is like an airport down the road. She’s, they said another two hours to the airport, or at least one there, one back.

Sara Margulis: and, but I’m like psychologically breaking down this woman, like the line like, you’re my only son.

You have to protect me, is exactly what the mother of a son would be afraid of, that now all of a sudden, all the attention she got from her son is now gonna go to this new wife and she’s gonna be left alone. I, I mean look, all the villains have a backstory, right? Like mm-hmm. Does not excuse the behavior, but you can kind of see how that somebody with not great skills, and anger management problems would be like acting this way if they’re afraid of losing their kid, you know?

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that you said that because one of my most popular like storylines that I’m doing the Ferris and Sloan one, I’m doing the prequel right now of like. The whole thing starts with like, she wants to invite herself on like her son and his girlfriend at the Time’s, like vacation. Yeah.

She’s like, I wanna come. It’s like he’s gonna propose she wants to go. And it’s this whole storyline. And so I’m doing the prequel now. Like it, I did three seasons of it. People like ate it up. They love the story. Oh, that’s so cool. And it’s so, yeah. It’s been so much fun. And so I’m in the prequel now, kind of showing like how she was raised.

Oh. And like kind of showing all that. And that’s the thing we keep saying is like, it doesn’t excuse the behavior, it’s just explaining it.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Where this, I feel like the first season of White Lotus had a mother-in-law like this where she showed up on their honeymoon, right? In Hawaii. Wait, yeah.

I’m trying to think. I love White Lotus. I’m trying to think of It’s the best. It’s, yeah, the first season was in Hawaii and there was, that couple where the, husband was kind of a jerk and his mom shows up on the honeymoon. And the mom was played by somebody from SNLI wanna say.

Christa Innis: like who was the cast?

Sara Margulis: That was the one with, Aubrey. What’s her name? I’m so bad at remembering actors’ names.

Christa Innis: Um, Aubrey Plaza. Yeah, she was, or was she in the second season in, Italy, I think, right? Oh yeah,

Sara Margulis: that’s right. Yeah. Was

Christa Innis: it Italy?

Sara Margulis: Wait, hold on. Yeah. Italy was season two. Thailand was season three. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Yes. the one with Molly Shannon.

Sara Margulis: Molly Shannon played the mother-in-law. Exactly.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Yeah. I need to go back and watch it, but showed up on the honeymoon. Yeah, you gotta go back and watch it. Oh, that’s wild. I kind of forgot about that storyline, that one was probably the best season.

It was so good. They’re all so good. They’re all so good. Yeah. I have to go back and watch that. It is like a very popular trope of like Yes. That she can’t distance herself. yeah. She can’t let go of her son.

Sara Margulis: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And especially like this one, it shows like both of her ex-husbands are there with their new wife, so I’m sure that adds to the like, I need you son.

Like, you’re my man. You’re my guy. Yes. Which

Sara Margulis: is also just so creepy and weird.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s that enmeshment of like, yes. You can’t see herself as a separate person from. Exactly. she said the hotel. Okay. We’re not even done with

Sara Margulis: the story yet.

Christa Innis: Okay. Keep going. No, there’s a little bit more. Okay. She said the hotel staff was just standing there wide-eyed.

We go to the front desk. The woman working had seen everything and was incredibly kind. We asked her to call my mother-in-law’s room since she was ignoring our calls, so she literally ran away with their keys to her room. Wow. She does. And when my husband gets on the phone, my mother-in-law is yelling so loudly that people can hear her without speakerphone.

Wow. She refuses to return the keys. At this point, we’re wasting our honeymoon morning. So we text her, leave the keys at the front desk. They know it’s our car. If not, we’ll file a police report. We pack up and decide to take my car instead. At least they both have a car there.

As we head toward the lot, I suddenly hear my husband say, Kat, get in the car now. I run to the car. And just in time to see her sprinting towards him, and she throws the keys at his face. Oh my God, this is wild. I’m like picturing this in like a parking

Sara Margulis: lot. Wow. the words that I wanna use right now are not suitable for podcasts, but Oh wow.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. that is insane. It’s because she didn’t get what she wanted. She thought by them saying like she thought. By her like withholding the keys. They’d be like, okay, you know what, we’ll

Sara Margulis: take you. They’d have to do what she wanted and good for them, honestly, as a team for setting a boundary.

Because issues with in-laws come up all the time, all day, every day. Right. And like when it comes to a marriage, a marriage is different than just like being boyfriend girlfriend or dating someone because you really, really have to have each other’s back first before anyone else in your life. That’s what makes marriage work.

And, avoid talking about tough stuff that you’re going through with them, with your family, even a lot of your friends, because it’s gonna set up this sort of like, me versus him, kind of a dynamic. Yeah. When you’re really, I love what this couple did. They stuck together. they called the bluff.

They were like, look, we’re not gonna let your tantrum throw off our day. leave our keys or, you know, we’ll act accordingly and. It worked like good for them. That was like honestly some of the best like training for marriage right there. and they passed the test.

Christa Innis: They leaped over that hurdle.

Literally they did it, they really did handle it very well of just being like, you know what, like almost treating it like, a toddler. Okay. Yeah. If you’re gonna act that way, we’re gonna just figure out, we’re gonna keep going this way because you’re just not Sorry. You know what

Sara Margulis: I wanna do? I don’t know if you can do this, but like I would really love to send them a little gift and like congratulate them on getting through that in a graceful way.

Christa Innis: I’ll have to see. Yeah. When they like sent it. I do have their, this person’s information, so I’ll have to see like when they sent it. But we have these really sweet Honey Ben Stanley’s

Sara Margulis: that we could send them.

Choosing Peace Over Chaos (Even When It’s Family)

Christa Innis: Oh, cute. Oh, I love that. That’s so cute. She then storms off again. I check on him. We get in the car and finally we drive off.

Still married, still heading to our honeymoon, but absolutely stunned. And sadly, this wasn’t the last of it over the past 10 years. Okay. So this was 10 years ago. Wow.

Sara Margulis: Oh my God. Noticed. This was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: We’ve dealt with stunt after stunt, emotional manipulation, dramatic scenes, chaos at every family gathering.

But this was the first of many wild moments. She’s thrown our way. And finally, this year, for the sake of our children, we’ve made the decision to significantly limit contact. Wow. So it took 10 years of manipulation and dramatic scenes, all that stuff to finally be like, okay, you’re limited.I don’t even know if I’d want someone like that around my children knowing they’re gonna throw something or

Sara Margulis: It’s hard.

Yeah. It’s hard

Christa Innis: having

Sara Margulis: problematic grandparents. The kids figure it out though, you know, they make their own decisions. Like, eh, we don’t like hanging out with that person.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like kids are so in tune to people. Mm-hmm. That they’re just like, they go with their gut for sure. They’re not like adults where we can kind of like smile and be okay. They’re like, no, I don’t want. Yeah, yeah, exactly. so she just ends with saying, because peace is better than chaos and eventually boundaries have to be drawn, even if it takes a decade to get there. And then she said, PS I love all your stories.

I relate to Sloan. So the story I was telling you about has Ferris and Sloan. So she says, I relate to Sloane, which is. Funny.

Sara Margulis: That’s awesome. Wow. Well, that’s a wild story. That’s I the twist of the 10 years later at the end. I was not expecting that. That was great.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure that image, like is still in her head so fresh because it was such a high intense moment.

and I love how he protected her too in those moments. He was like, with her on the boundary, he was like, I’m protecting you. Yeah. but I still have a lot of questions like how you would keep, I mean, I’m sure it’s very nuanced and very complicated, but it’s like after that, like what was the next step after that?

You know, they go on their honeymoon, it’s just like, is the mom still not understanding she did anything wrong? And yeah. How you keep that going for 10 years?

Sara Margulis: It’s so hard to like deal with children in grownup bodies. Yeah. But I think having kids probably gave them a new perspective on like her behavior and like, oh, we’re just actually dealing with a child here, and you gotta have boundaries.

Yep. Yeah. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Well, all right, well,

Sara Margulis: thank you for sharing that story. That was fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That was, I mean, not for

Sara Margulis: them, but, you know. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s always like a twisted and seen coming. yeah. But yeah, I know we get so many stories and I’m always just like, they shock me every time. It’s wild. Wow.

Wow. what helps, I feel like a lot of people tell me too, they’re like, it actually helped. They’ll say this like, helped me to write it all out. They’re like, I never told anyone it this way. Hmm. it really helped me get through my feelings or understand like, whoa, this was really toxic. Because when you’re in the moment, sometimes you don’t see it that way.

Oh, for sure.

Sara Margulis: lose perspective.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. So I always like to end these with a couple of confessions that people send me on social media. So let’s read

Sara Margulis: Ooh Confessions. I love it.

Christa Innis: All right. It says, at my sister’s wedding, one of her bridesmaids didn’t get her a gift, and I thought that was kind of weird.

What are your thoughts on that? Like, if you’re in someone’s wedding mm-hmm. Should you automatically get them a gift?

Sara Margulis: there’s more to consider in this situation than just a typical wedding guest, because that bridesmaid’s already gone to some, probably considerable expense to bring the gift of her presence to the wedding, right?

however, and I’ve been in that situation at a time in my life, in my twenties when I didn’t really have a lot of money to get a gift. But what I would do is I would like, make something, or like buy something similar to what they registered for that I could afford. I think just the token gift, something meaningful and like,

personal mm-hmm. Shows that you are celebrating their, day, with a gift. But again, gift is always at the discretion of the giver. And if that bridesmaid really felt like she poured her heart and her budget into that person’s wedding, and that was the gift, I don’t really think it’s something that you can hold against her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I agree. I feel like that was so well said. And I feel like there’s been weddings that, like were very DIY that I was a part of, and I done did so much, and I had the brides be like, please don’t get me a gift. Yeah. And even when I gave it to them, they ripped up the check.

Like I, one in particular, she was like, no, I’m literally not accepting this. Aw. And then I had other ones that were like, same thing. They were like, please don’t feel like you have to like, get me a gift that you would as a guest because you’ve mm-hmm. Been a part of the bachelorette party.

You bought a dress. do think it’s kind of like, murky area there. Mm-hmm. If you wanna give a gift, do it. Mm-hmm. But I guess it doesn’t feel like. I know you do put in a lot being in a wedding party as well. Yeah. And

Sara Margulis: I mean, you know, you can write the bride and ice card and say, look, being in your wedding has been such an honor.

unfortunately I’m out of budget for like, something from your registry, but I would love to give you this handmade friendship bracelet to honor, how much you mean to me or something. Yeah. You know, just anything personal. Yeah, definitely. Yeah,

Christa Innis: because like, again, like after my wedding, I wasn’t like checking the box of like, oh, this bridesmaid or this groomsman didn’t get us a gift.

Like, I was so happy to be surrounded by our family and friends. So that was not a concern to me. they got the suit or they got the dress. I’m like, you guys are awesome. okay, lemme just read a couple more. my uncle invited random strangers to my cocktail hour.

Sara Margulis: Was that cute?

Christa Innis: I’m like, he’s like, oh, I’m single. I’m gonna

Sara Margulis: invite some people here. I’m gonna bring some rows.

Christa Innis: Oh my.

Sara Margulis: Was that it? Okay. That was it. Um, yeah, go ahead. yeah. No, it’s just, that was it. Okay. oh, okay. My uncle our cocktail hour. So that’s like after the ceremony. Before the, yeah. Huh.

Christa Innis: did they stay for the reception or are they just like hanging out just so you free drinks, you’re not allowed

Sara Margulis: to invite your own people to someone’s wedding. That’s just a no-no. Um, yeah, please don’t

Christa Innis: do that.

Sara Margulis: If you wanna bring a date and the date wasn’t explicitly like a plus one on the invitation. I’ve been in situations where I checked in with a couple about that. Like, Hey, I’m not sure the way this was written. Is this a plus one or not? but yeah, no, you don’t get to make your own.

Invitations to someone’s wedding. It’s just not the way it works.

Christa Innis: Yeah. One of our guests quit their job to attend our wedding. Whoa. That’s a friend. I mean, hopefully, or maybe it was like they were just done with this job. Yeah. And they were like, you can’t take off for the wedding.

And they were kinda like, screw you. That, that’s kind of what I’m thinking must have happened, because I’ve heard of that, where they’re just like, this is my moment. Like, I’m not missing my best friend’s wedding or something.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. But like, obviously it sucks when you can’t be in two places at once and like you really wanna, I’ve, there are weddings that I did not go to that I still regret to this day not being there.

But there was nothing I could do. it was like I was pregnant and I couldn’t fly or I think that, you know. don’t do something like that unless you already wanted to quit and you got a plan to like go get another job or whatever. And then you wanna take a few days off to like rage with your friends while they get married.

Cool. all for it. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Honestly, that sounds like something I would’ve done like maybe in my early twenties if I was just like already over a toxic job or something. Something a hundred percent. Yes. Like, get me out of here. You know what, that was my sign.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. and then you could, it’s kind of a fun story.

Like, oh yeah. You know, I quit my job for these guys. You know, it’s like you tell it for the rest of your life. Whatever. Yeah.

Christa Innis: True friend right here. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well thank you so much for coming on. It was so great meeting you after hearing like knowing so much about your brand and your company.

I just think it’s great. I’ve talked about Honeymoon Honey. Fon honey. Oh my gosh. Honey Fund and Honeymoons. so many times on the podcast of just, I think it’s such a fun concept and how like we’re just kind of changing the concept over time of like gift giving as well.

Sara Margulis: Thank you Christa. Thank you for being a fan and supporting the cause and yeah, this was so much fun, such a different kind of podcast than I’ve ever been on before and I loved it.

Thank you so much for having me. Oh

Christa Innis: good. And for everyone listening, where can they follow you? Follow Honey Fund and see what’s coming up next?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, honey honeyfund.com you can download the app in the app stores, follow us on Instagram, TikTok. I would say we’re most active on those platforms.

And then if you’re interested in, entrepreneurship or other things like that, you could find me on LinkedIn. I write a lot of, content around, running a business and, you know, travel and relationships and you know, I’d love to connect with you.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well thank you so much.

Sara Margulis: Thanks Christa. Have a great day.

Christa Innis: You too.

by Christa Innis

Wedding Etiquette 101, Rapid Fire Questions & the Bad Luck Bride — with Mariah Humbert

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Ever wondered what happens when your wedding is full of chaos and family feuds?

This week on Here Comes The Drama, the wedding chaos reaches next-level insanity! Christa dives into a jaw-dropping story about no-kids wedding rules, a sister’s outrageous demands, and family drama that almost derailed the big day. Then, Christa and Sarah Wizeman break down the wildest wedding confessions from listeners, from toxic in-laws to surprise pregnancy announcements to overzealous sister-in-laws calling off weddings!

Plus, Sarah shares her incredible journey as an author, her book The Invisible String, and her plans for monthly romance and bridal story releases—complete with skits on TikTok and YouTube. This episode is packed with drama, laughs, and insider wedding chaos you won’t want to miss.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Wedding Mayhem & Resilience – How one bride navigated disappearing vendors, last-minute disasters, and chaos on the big day while still celebrating joyfully.
Balancing Tradition & Personal Meaning – How couples can honor family customs without losing the parts of the day that matter most to them.
The Stress Trap – Why brides often look back wishing they stressed less—and what mindset helps you avoid that spiral.
Wedding Gifts Gone Wild – Listener confessions reveal the strangest gifts ever received… including a used kitchen appliance and a mountain of condoms.
Regifting Rules – Mariah breaks down the etiquette: yes, you can regift… but absolutely not if it’s visibly used.
The Wearing-Black Debate – Is black at a wedding disrespectful? Mariah explains the evolving etiquette and cultural considerations.
Mindset on the Big Day – Why waking up with the right perspective can make or break your wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and stub your toe, it’s the end of the world. If the sun’s shining? You laugh it off.” – Christa Innis
“Three things are gonna go wrong today—whatever. Just enjoy being surrounded by people who love you.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t want those little things getting to you on a day you’ve waited your whole life for.” – Christa Innis
“I’m always reading stories about wedding etiquette, but hearing it from an expert hits different.” – Christa Innis
“Know your options… and maybe don’t gift someone a used turkey roaster.” – Christa Innis
“Your job is to create a great experience for guests without losing the wedding you dreamed of.” – Mariah Humbert
“Respect the traditions that matter to your family, but don’t let them erase what’s meaningful to you as a couple.” – Mariah Humbert
“The one thing I wish I did differently was stress a little less.” – Mariah Humbert
“Regifting is fine—but if it’s used, that’s a hard no.” – Mariah Humbert
“Black at a wedding isn’t taboo anymore. Just be mindful of cultural context.” – Mariah Humbert

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Mariah

Mariah Grumet Humbert is a renowned etiquette expert and author, specializing in weddings and social celebrations. With years of experience guiding couples, families, and event hosts, Mariah combines her expertise with a warm, approachable style, helping people navigate the often tricky world of etiquette with confidence and grace. She is the author of What Do I Do: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered and The Essential Wedding Planner, and she shares her knowledge across her website and social platforms, including Instagram and TikTok. Known for her practical advice, attention to detail, and ability to bring calm and clarity to high-stress situations, Mariah is the go-to resource for anyone looking to celebrate life’s milestones with style, respect, and ease.

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Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. And first things first, I wanna apologize to you guys because my voice is rather raspy today. It’s gotten a little worse over the, over the week and, um, I feel like it’s straining now. So, um. I apologize in advance if it cracks a little bit during this episode.

Um, I felt like I was kind of straining to read towards the end there, but I still had a lot of fun with it, so I’m sure you will still enjoy it. Just the same. It was just me on the other end, kind of struggling a little bit. I’ll be going on a little voice sabbatical after this, drinking some tea and, and resting the best that I can.

Um, of course by the time you guys listen to this, I’ll be, I’ll be long past this. I’ll be, I’ll be much healthier, better, and vocally charged me. Um, in case you guys missed it, um, we’re doing a little giveaway this month. Um, just share on social media, either a screenshot of you listening to the podcast, um, a picture of yourself listening to the podcast, your review, and then just tag me.

Um, we’re gonna pick four winners that win $50 Amazon gift cards, and the winners will be announced on the February 12th. Episode. Yes, that is correct. I had to double check there. Um, but we are, you guys are in for a great episode today. I have etiquette and image consultant, author and founder of Old Soul Etiquette, Mariah Grumet Humbert, and she answers.

All the big questions when it comes to etiquette and your wedding. You guys have been asking for etiquette expert for a long time, and someone recommended her to me and we just had such a great time chatting. Um, I pulled off some of your guys’ questions from social media, um, answering questions like, do you need to send a gift?

If you are invited to a wedding but you cannot attend, um, can you ask someone to step down from your wedding? Um, how does money or paying for your event come into play when they can?

Or something like how does control come into, or something like how do decisions come into play when someone’s paying for part of your wedding? She answers all the questions and we have a great time chatting and doing some rapid fire as well. And then of course, at the very end we react to one of your wild, crazy, and very.

Positive wedding stories, but also very shocking in a lot of ways. So without further ado, please enjoy this episode with Mariah.

Hi, Mariah.

Mariah Humbert: Hi Christa. I’m so happy to be here.

Christa Innis: Thank you so much for coming on. I’m so excited to talk to you. I had so many people recommend you to me being like, we need to have an etiquette expert on your show. And I was like, I have to reach out because I think it’s such a perfect crossover of having your expertise in sharing everything you know about etiquette.

Mariah Humbert: Well, that’s so sweet. I’m so excited to dive into all of the things that we have to talk about today. Yes.

Christa Innis: So before we get started, can you just share a little bit about yourself and then what you do?

Mariah Humbert: Sure. So my name is Mariah Grumet Humbert. I’m the founder of Old Soul Etiquette. I’m a certified etiquette and image consultant.

I’ve written two modern wedding etiquette books and my whole philosophy on etiquette is about using it as tool, a tool instead of these kind of rigid rules. And you know, I work with companies and individuals all over the country to help them look, feel, and think their best so that they can really go out in the world and shine their light in the way that they’re meant to.

Christa Innis: I love that because I feel like when it comes to like weddings and events, we hear a lot about etiquette. Like, this is proper etiquette. No, this is proper etiquette. Yes. And so what would you say is the difference between etiquette and opinion? Because I feel like that’s something too, is like. Opinions come into play.

Also, where you’re located on the map might come into play. Absolutely. So what’s your take on all that?

Mariah Humbert: So I think when we think about modern wedding etiquette, the most important thing to keep in mind is the why behind the rule, so to speak, right? That that have existed in terms of like wedding etiquette, tradition from years and years ago.

Why are we doing these things? The answer to that question in most cases is to give our guests a good experience, to make our guests feel welcome and taken care of. But with that, it is our one day that we can, you know, kind of have the dream day that we want and make decisions based on our interests and our preferences as a couple.

And so I think it’s really about that balancing act of how do I not give up my vision and my dream day. But let’s not forget. That I’m taking care of a huge room of people who I wanna have a really good experience for.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I love that because I feel like a lot of times we get caught up in the, I don’t wanna say bridezilla, but like that if the bride has a boundaries or expectations, she’s labeled a Bridezilla.

Mm-hmm. But the other way around is like, yes, they are also your guests, so we should also consider our guests needs as well. Yes. It’s not just a one way street.

Mariah Humbert: Absolutely. And it, it’s even goes beyond the guests too. Like that made me think when you said Bridezilla, which I’m, so, I’m a little scared of that word, right?

I, no one thinks that I was when I got married, but, you know, I, I think too that so much of wedding planning, even before the event comes from how you consider the people involved. So, so much of that comes from communication and I think when it comes to setting boundaries or making decisions as a couple, having, you know, the.

The balance of power over decisions between family members. All that comes back to how we can communicate our needs and interests, but also, you know, be willing to hear out others too. So even before the big day, making sure that sometimes we don’t think about etiquette as communication, but it, but it really is, it’s a, it’s, it’s about putting our best foot forward for ourselves, but also for others.

Managing Family Dynamics and Wedding Finances Without Losing Your Sanity

Christa Innis: Yeah. So like right off the bat, how would you, this just comes to mind ’cause one of our, our most popular topic, I would say is either a mother of the groom or mother of the bride coming in and like controlling the wedding, planning things behind their back, just taking things from the bride. How would you, like, as a, as a bride listening, if that’s something they’re going through, how would you handle that situation?

Like right off the bat?

Mariah Humbert: So let’s even go before that can even happen. So coming up with a really clear game plan with your partner is going to be key here. So you are actually setting intentional time to sit together and make a game plan. You know what your parents are like, right? And so you can kind of anticipate how, not always, but you can try to anticipate how the dominoes are gonna fall or how the puzzle pieces are gonna fall into place.

And so having that conversation ahead of time where you can say, this is our game plan. This is the, you know, we’re agreeing on this. This is our plan of action, so that if things do kind of hit the wall, you can go in as a couple. Mm-hmm. I also say when you have any kind of. Issue arising with a family member.

In my opinion, it’s very important for that member of the couple to handle that, their respective family. Um, so, you know, if you have to have those difficult conversations, you can both be involved, but let that member of the couple lead. Um, but I think that with that really kind of laying down the law in the beginning of this is what our vision is, this is what we’re doing.

Um, but it gets tricky too, and this is, we can dive deeper in this. It’s very nuanced when you have. Family member is contributing financially, and you have to give up a little bit of that control. So I would say before an issue can even happen, get ahead of it by really having a clear game plan with your partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I feel like I try to say when we get these stories, I’m like, there’s usually some kind of red flag or some kind of hint ahead of time that maybe something’s going to erupt. I don’t feel like it always comes from left field, like, whoa, I’ve never seen this side. Sometimes I’m sure it does. Um, but I feel like a lot of times there’s like, oh, she did make comments that about blank, so then it kind of happens this way.

So I love that you said that.

Mariah Humbert: And etiquette too, I always say is that it’s really just a fancy word for social awareness and emotional intelligence. So if you can really tap into that and try and anticipate or get ahead of what these issues might be, you can also, um, you know, so much of success in relationships comes from that communication and preparation.

Um, so I always say have, have those game plans set aside ahead of time. It really makes a big difference. And I, and I also tell people, if you know that you’re going to have a particularly difficult family member, where can you give them the place to feel valued in another area? So if you know that your mother-in-law or your mom or somebody, your aunt, grandmother, whatever sister, whatever it is, is going to try and take over in some way, get ahead of that by giving them a job before they can take away something that’s super important to you.

So, for example, if you’re like, I don’t even know what colors, this is such a random example, but I don’t even know what colors I wanna do for invitations. Uh, you know, we’re having trouble making a decision. You’re, you have such a good eye for that. Can you do some research of, um, you know, within the style of wedding that we’re trying to have, can you come up with some ideas? Make them feel valued and needed in a, in an area that is not super, super key to you.

Um, and that might, may help them let off. In some other areas, but listen, I mean, sometimes it’s not perfect and you have to put your foot down and have those difficult conversations.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so you also brought up like when they are financially helping in some way, so what’s your take on that? If they are helping?

Do they have more of a say in controlling the wedding? Or how, how do they that, how does that come into play?

Mariah Humbert: So in my first book, I talk about this kind of step by step, way of having these conver the, the financial conversations with your family members. So the, the first one is obviously having the conversation with your partner, doing the research in advance.

So, you know, not exactly how much things cost, but okay, I wanna have a large wedding in this geographical area with, you know, maybe. This, this band, this is the general cost of what things are going to be. So then when you take the conversation to your family members, it’s not a free for all. You’ve done your research, you have a, it’s almost like you’re treating it as a business meeting.

You have an agenda of what you wanna cover. You’re also taking into consideration the timing of the meeting. It’s only for the people who need to be involved. There’s not extra voices, right? So you have maybe one with your in-laws and one with your parents, depending on who’s financially contributing.

And then you really, you know, with the willingness to compromise and be flexible in areas, you have to be straightforward and confident in your questions of saying, are you able to contribute? Are you, um, how much are you able to contribute? Being straightforward about those questions. And then again, that balance of power over decisions.

What is super non-negotiable for you and your partner, sacred to you, important to you? Those decisions should be made by you. And I think we live in this new era now too, where. Not all, but, but some parents are starting to understand that these events are for the couple and not a family reunion. Yeah. Um, but I think it’s, it’s about letting them feel valued and included in, in places where you might not have a tight grip on.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, I think that’s such an important thing to say because you. I think a lot of times it’s miscommunication and I think it’s all out of love. Yes. And where they just, they’re very excited. Right. So they want Yes. Involved. And so it comes off as like sometimes it can be controlling and sometimes it can be like, they’re taking this from me.

Right. Where you make a good point where it’s like, okay, in the beginning, sit down together, have this conversation and not saying that’s gonna solve all problems. I’ve read some wild stories where totally. Where no matter what, there’s gonna be something happening. Um. But that’s, that’s a really good point, and just kind of like having control in the beginning of being like, we looked this through, this is what we can afford here.

Yes. If you wanna help in this area, that would be really helpful.

Mariah Humbert: Another point too with that is, you know, now that we live in this modern time of different financial contributions, right? In the past it was like the bride’s family paid for the wedding, and that’s sort of how it went. Mm-hmm. Now there’s so many different methods of paying for weddings.

Couples are paying them for them by themselves. Both families are contributing, one family is contributing. And so if you have both families contributing, even if it’s the not, not the same monetary value. Giving them kind of equal responsibility. So for example, don’t, don’t have one, you know, family member pay for the table linens, and then one family member is paying for the most important, you know, the, the vendor or the vendors that day, like the photographer or this or that.

Try and split it so that, you know, one takes the photographer and one takes the videographer. So it it, so it feels a little bit more equal. So nobody’s feelings are getting hurt. But I also think too, when it comes to dealing with difficult parents, like you said, it it most of the time, again, not everybody’s this lucky, but most of the time it comes out of love and excitement and most people just want to feel heard and acknowledged.

And so if they’re giving you a hard time that they’re paying for your dress and they want you in this one, sometimes that conversation needs to start with I hear where you’re coming from, you’re excited, and you know what? You’ve been so gracious to pay for this, so your opinion does matter to me however.

Mm-hmm. And then you go into, you know, this is my day. This means so much to me. But just telling them that their opinion matters to you. Most people just wanna feel heard. Right. Right.

Christa Innis: And I know, I feel like it always starts off as this little thing that maybe like someone misheard or something happened and then it just keeps growing, growing, and growing.

And before you know it, it’s a full on explosion. Totally. And invite people. And it’s wild how, um, I feel like a lot of these stories are sent to me. Just a little bit of communication could have maybe helped it not, again, not all cases. I don’t want people being like, it couldn’t helped in mine. Um, but I think a lot of situations it could.

Mariah Humbert: Absolutely. And then everybody’s emotions are so high during this time. Yes, it’s excitement and it’s joy, but it’s also stress and it’s emotional for the couple, and it’s emotional for the parents. And so again, clear communication that’s not throwing it at a family dinner where there’s 10 people at the table.

It’s pulling people aside. It’s making intentional time for these conversations and just constantly trying to get ahead of the issue. If you can.

Wedding Gift Etiquette, Thank You Notes, and Handling Uninvited Guests

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, I love that. Okay, so I reached out to my audience on different platforms and asked for some etiquette questions. Yay. Things they’re going through or things they’ve seen.

Okay. So it says, “I was told if you went to someone’s first wedding and gave a gift, you don’t have to give one at the second wedding.“

Mariah Humbert: I’m going to disagree with that, but I always say that the gesture of giving a gift is much more about the gesture and not about the monetary value. Um, so perhaps your gift is not of the same monetary value, but it’s something that you’re sending that works with your budget.

Um, that would be the gracious thing to do in that situation.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I couldn’t imagine like, especially someone that you really care about if they found their new love, like, doesn’t matter, the first wedding didn’t work out. I couldn’t imagine showing up and not giving a gift. But like, if there’s someone important to me and I’m going to their wedding, I want to bring them something.

Mariah Humbert: Totally agree. And it’s about the gesture, not about how much you spend.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. Okay. “What’s a tactful, easy to ask if they received my gift. If some time has passed and you haven’t received a thank you card.”

Mariah Humbert: I get this question a lot, so I, there’s two, two ways you can go about this. Um, the first one would be to give them a heads up in the beginning.

And I wanna let you know there’s a package coming your way. Um, please let me know that you received it. Um, otherwise I think that there’s no issue in kindly reaching out and saying, I know there’s so much going on with the mail these days. I wanna ensure that. Our gift made it to you and you don’t need to make it about, oh, I I, you may have not gotten to thank thank you notes yet or anything like that, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with ensuring that your gift made it to someone.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I’ve definitely done that before. Just like reaching out, being like, Hey, it looks like it arrived. Just wanna make sure, or like same, same as you said, like mail’s kind of weird. Just wanna make sure you got the package. Um, ’cause I have heard like very. I don’t know how to say it. People that didn’t get thank yous and calling that out specifically.

Some, a friend of mine told me a story where she was like, I had a great aunt of somebody. They basically call me out and say, why haven’t you written thank yous yet? And it was like around the holidays, like a lot was going on and she’s like, so I felt very targeted.

Mariah Humbert: So I, I’m, I’m a big proponent of thank you notes,obviously. I’m etiquette trainer, like I obviously still champion handwritten thank you notes, but I will say that it’s poor etiquette to point out poor etiquette. So if you know, you can think to yourself that I love thank you notes. So when someone doesn’t send one, I’m totally noticing, but I would never point that out.

But that’s a generational thing. I mean, I get comments on my social media from the older generation saying, what do I do when I’ve sent so many nice wedding gifts and I have not received thank you notes? And the answer is nothing. You know, it’s not a, you weren’t giving the gift for something in return, right?

So there’s nothing for you to do. But for the people listening, write your thank you notes.

Christa Innis: I love a thank you note. I, I’m right there with you. I love a handwritten thank you note. Thank you note. I remember my husband and I after our wedding, I was like, we like split out, like all the people that came to the wedding or just gift.

And I was like, okay, we need to get like 10 done a day. So smart.

What do you think the proper, like time frame after a wedding is to be able to send one?

Mariah Humbert: A wedding is different than a regular thank, you know, obviously, because you have to take into, into consideration honeymoons. Maybe people are, you know, moving in together. There’s, it’s a big life event.

So I would say, you know, if you could do it in six, from six to eight weeks from your wedding, that would be ideal. However, it’s never too late. So if life comes up and you haven’t gotten to them and you’re thinking to yourself, this is past the point of no return, it’s not, you can still send them.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Um, “should you give a gift at the wedding and the shower if you’re invited to both.”

Mariah Humbert: So this is very geographical. I found in my research when I was writing my book. So I was raised in the, in the northeast, and the custom here is that you typically give a physical gift for the shower off the registry, and then you would give a monetary gift for the wedding. That’s the way that we do it in the northeast.

But I understand that it’s not that way everywhere. Um, I know the south, they like physical gifts and you know, in other places it’s, um, so I think that again, I would recommend doing a gift for both, whether that be a monetary gift or a physical gift.

Now, a few things to consider. Consider your budget. Again, like I said about the gifts originally, this is about the gesture of you giving the gift, not the actual gift, right? It’s not about the actual monetary value. So do what you can think about it ahead of time. Come up with the budget for the gift, and then split that between, or if you perhaps wanna do something larger for the shower, you do something smaller for the actual wedding.

Um, and in most places in the country, I have to say, ’cause not all, it’s not proper to bring a physical gift to the wedding unless it’s a card with a monetary gift.

Christa Innis: Mm. Yeah. I feel like that’s pretty normal. Like where I’m from, the Midwest, like we. Typically we’ll bring like the physical gift to the shower and it’s like a card to the wedding.

I think in our old wedding we had a few people bring gifts. Mm-hmm. Like off the registry, which was great. We just didn’t, we didn’t expect it.

Mariah Humbert: Right.

Christa Innis: Um, but yeah, I feel like that’s a great idea of like thinking about your overall budget. Like okay, I know I’m invited to both my budget’s 200 or whatever, so I’m gonna do 50 for the shower and one 50 for the wine.

Exactly. That’s really smart. Exactly. Then you’re not empty handed at the shower. Um. And because I think a lot of times people think then, oh, I have to go and I have to spend all this money for both things. So thinking about it, big picture is great.

Mariah Humbert: Yeah. It doesn’t, it doesn’t need to break your, your budgets because you know, you have, you may have to travel, you may have, if you’re like me, you have 150 weddings in a year.

So it’s, you know, you have to kind of plan ahead.

Christa Innis: Yeah, so you brought up a good point, point just now saying if you have to travel, so another thing I’ve seen is if you do have to travel to a wedding, like playing for a hotel flight, all that, you don’t have to give a gift, like a monetary gift. What is your take on that?

Mariah Humbert: I’m gonna say the same exact answer is that. Something, it’s a, could be a cookbook, it could be all the friends pitch in for a gift card to their favorite restaurant. It doesn’t have to be, you’ve spent so much money traveling, so it’s, again, it, it could be a candle for their home. Right. I’m not, I’m not trying to tell people that they need to spend more than they’re able to just think about the gesture.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Um, “if you are given a dress code for a wedding, but you can’t afford the new outfit to fit the dress code, what’s the proper protocol for that?”

Mariah Humbert: Oh, this is a good question. I would say to, I feel like I need a little bit more context because, you know, I, I feel like there’s a lot that you can do to work into dress codes, but I would say if it’s black tie and you can’t afford a tuxedo, then, you know, a black suit would be the best next option. I wouldn’t say don’t go, but I would say respect to the dress code as much as, as you can, there’s a reason why that couple designated this dress code for their wedding, depending on their preferences or their venue.

Um, but I feel like I would need a little more context because I feel like there’s a lot, especially as as women, that you can kind of fit into to many dress codes.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Like if it’s, if they’re like need like a very specific color, I could get that

Mariah Humbert: Right.

Christa Innis: Very hard. But, um….

Mariah Humbert: And also there’s a lot of rental options out there too for tuxedos and for, you know, gowns, dresses. So don’t, don’t purchase one if you don’t need to. There’s plenty of rental options or borrow from one of your friends.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that’s a great idea. Um, okay, I’ve got a couple more. Um. If I got a couple, or “if I got a gift from a couple that does not live together, should I send two separate thank yous?”

Mariah Humbert: Oh, that’s a good question too. These are really good questions. I would say, again, this will depend on the individual situation. If one member of the couple is the. The, the relationship you have. So perhaps this is, you know, your friend from college and their boyfriend that they met after college that you don’t have a great relationship with.

I would say you could send it to her home with his name on the card and that would suffice. Um, but if they’re both equally your, you know, friends as a couple, then I would send one to each home.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. Great. Um, “is it acceptable to send a gift to the couple from their registry a week after the wedding?”

Mariah Humbert: Sure. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Then last one. Um, “my family is inviting people to my wedding without asking myself or my fiance, how do I go about uninviting them?”

Mariah Humbert: Okay. So the uninviting part I don’t think is possible at this point because. How far are you in the process? Did they send to save the date? Was it a verbal discussion? Like, where are you in the process?

You could, unfortunately, your family member is going to have to say that you’re at capacity and it’s going to be on them to have to have that difficult conversation if they’ve already sent an invitation or a save the date, without you knowing, unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about that, but I think that this is a perfect example of one of those things that you have the printed out guest list in front of your family members before you get ready to send out, save the dates, and you say. You take a look at this, you take a look at this because it’s not changing after save the dates go out.

And so this is one of those, those things that you know, but again, maybe you did have that conversation and they didn’t respect that, but you may have to have that conversation with them that we’re at capacity. This is what is ha you know, it’s not about money, it’s not about this. This is the guest list that we had and we don’t appreciate you. Inviting people that we hadn’t discussed as a family when we were originally writing out the guest list.

Because of course, if your parents are paying, they should be able to, you know, contribute to that discussion of who’s being invited. But again, that, that comes with that preparation, right? You sit down with them and you say, okay, we have 150 people, we’ve come up with a hundred and since both parents are contributing to the wedding, here’s 25 for you. Here’s 25 for you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely. I would say that’s probably like one of the most shocking things I’ve read in some of these stories. People inviting people that were never a part of the list.

Mariah Humbert: That’s crazy.

Christa Innis: Um, yeah, like I had one that, um, the mother-in-law reprinted her own invitations and sent them out to her friends and they didn’t find out until, I think, I wanna say like someone called them or they bumped into someone. They’re like, oh, I can’t wait for your wedding. And they’re like, what!?

Mariah Humbert: Christa, this is where the etiquette, like it doesn’t eat. This is so beyond anything that like, it’s just like, holy cow.

Christa Innis: Yeah, some, that’s where, yeah, that’s where, like we were saying earlier, it’s like some of these, it’s like. You got so out of left field, you just don’t know who’s showing up. Either that, and I think it was like the mom wouldn’t tell who she invited.

She’s like, oh, just some friends. So that she wouldn’t tell. So they didn’t know who was gonna show up. They didn’t know what places, places to have. So that was probably like one of the most shocking things I’ve I’ve read.

Mariah Humbert: Certainly. Shocking. I mean, I don’t know if you put this on video, but you could see my face. I’m so shocked.

Rapid-Fire Wedding Etiquette: The Rules Everyone Argues About

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Next little segment is gonna be a rapid fire wedding etiquette edition. Um, so it’ll be kind of like a yes or no for, for these wedding etiquette questions. Okay. Okay. “Is it rude to wear white if it’s not bridal right?”

Mariah Humbert: Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. “Should you bring a plus one if your invite doesn’t say so?”

Mariah Humbert: Absolutely not.

Christa Innis: “Is it okay to leave before the cake is cut?”

Mariah Humbert: Yes. Can I not rapid fire this one? Yeah. I would say again, because we, weddings come in all shapes and sizes now and not everybody does it as a big event. They might do it on the side just for a picture opportunity. They might not even have a cake.

So I would say, you know, in that case, use your judgment of when would be too early. But generally speaking it’s, it’s fine because it’s, weddings are all different now.

Christa Innis: Yeah, right. “Should you post photos before the couple does?”

Mariah Humbert: No, and that’s again, one of those old fashioned things. Well, can’t be that old fashioned because social media is relatively new, but I would say until the, you know, the couple posts a picture, especially if you have a bride in a traditional gown, they may not wanna share those photos yet.

So, um, seems like everybody does it now, but in my opinion, it’s best not to.

Christa Innis: Yes. And put your phone away during the ceremony.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my goodness. Yes.

Christa Innis: That’s, that’s a big…

Mariah Humbert: That’s a whole other conversation.

Christa Innis: Pay, pay attention to the signs or the officiant who says, put your phone away, please. Yes. Um, “do you have to give a gift if you can’t attend?”

Mariah Humbert: Yes. But it doesn’t need to be anything crazy. Usually I, if I can’t attend, I would pick a small item off of their registry and wish them well with that.

Christa Innis: So you, so even if, let’s say it’s like someone you hardly have a relationship with, you are like really surprised you even got invited. You think still you should send something?

Mariah Humbert: Mm-hmm. I would.

Christa Innis: Okay. That’s good to know.

Mariah Humbert: They, they, for whatever reason, hopefully they have good intentions, but for whatever reason you made that list, they wanted to celebrate the most important day of their life with you. So if you can spend $20 on it. Something to send to them and wish them well.

And if that’s not something that your budget allows, you can send them a card.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, great. And do you feel the same when it comes to like other events like baby shower, bridal shower, birthday party, sending something?

Mariah Humbert: Same thing. You know, for those smaller events, a card might be plenty. Um, but the, the gesture of, you know, saying I appreciate the invitation and I’m thinking of you is, is really nice.

Christa Innis: Okay. I love that. Um. “Is it rude to decline being in a wedding?”

Mariah Humbert: No, absolutely not. I think that there’s, it’s become really a beast being a part of a wedding these days, right? It’s very financially, um, and it has a large impact financially. It takes a lot of time. You might be in a stage of your life for whatever reason that you’re not able to, and it doesn’t mean that you love that person any less.

But again, this is where as a couple, you need to kind of define the expectation in the beginning to your wedding party of what will be involved. And then if, you’re not able to accept that, to just be honest with them that this is not a time in your life that you’re able to accept this, but it doesn’t mean that their wedding means any less to you, and perhaps you can have a role somewhere else in helping.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I feel like that’s one of those things, like we’re we’re told like, oh, to take it personal, oh, if someone doesn’t wanna be in our wedding, that’s such a bad thing. But it’s almost like kind because they’re like, they’re like. No. I can’t be my best self in your wedding.

Exactly. I’d rather be there as a guest and support you that way, and I feel like it’s a very mature response to be able to look at their financial finances or their time and be like, this is my best role.

I’m sorry.

Mariah Humbert: Again, don’t be afraid to have those conversations. You can’t over communicate. Right. So, on, either, on either end. So don’t be afraid to, to have those conversations and don’t put yourself in a situation financially or, you know, time commitment that you’re not able to, again, like you said, show up in the best way.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. “Um, can some, can you ask someone to step down from the wedding party?”

Mariah Humbert: Only if it’s an extreme, extreme situation.

Christa Innis: Okay. I do see that a lot of times in stories too. Um, “do you have to invite someone to the wedding if they’re invited to the shower? I see this a lot.”

Mariah Humbert: Yes. This is pr it’s proper etiquette to have, even when it comes to like, from starting with the engagement party, if you have one, again, you might not have your list.

Completely defined by then, but everybody who was invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding. Obviously, the wedding will likely be larger, but everybody invited to the shower should also be going to the wedding. The exception to this is perhaps your job wants to throw you a shower or, um, you know, perhaps you’re part of a team or a, a, a hobby that you have where you don’t have a super, super close relationship with them enough to invite them to the wedding, but they have a small celebration for you. That would be kind of the exception, but the, the general shower should include people who are also invited to the wedding.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I had never heard of people just getting invited to the shower until I was seeing it in comments, and these women would be like, yeah, is it weird that my niece or whatever just invited me to the shower? And I was like, yes, yes. That’s very yes.

Mariah Humbert: Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Or I guess, unless maybe they’re like eloping and not having a wedding.

Mariah Humbert: Right, right. So of course there’s exceptions, right? Of course. If they’re having like a, you know, like a, like as you said, eloping or doing immediate family only, but this is the way they wanna celebrate. With the other important people in their life. But generally speaking, for a traditional wedding, everyone invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding.

Christa Innis: Yes. Um, “can you invite someone to the reception only?

Mariah Humbert: Again, if it is a situation where it’s immediate family. And you’re having a private ceremony, and perhaps it’s a religious ceremony or whatever it is, but that would have to be like an all or nothing thing. So it would either have to be just immediate family and then all of the rest of the guests at the reception can’t just be like a handful.

Christa Innis: Right, right. All right. A couple more here. Um, “should the bride and groom greet every table?”

Mariah Humbert: Yes, in some capacity. And again, it’s, it’s hard to say because, some wedding styles don’t have that, like kind of same. Layout anymore, right? That traditional layout. But I would say in some way you should plan to greet your guests.

So even if you’re not having real, a real like sit down situation, but you have like a cocktail situation, you are both making every effort to talk to as many people as you can. And again, this doesn’t have to be like a make or break it situation, but the attempt to greet your guests is important. And if your parents are.

Are also contributing to the wedding and hosting, you may divide and conquer if there’s not enough time, right? Allow them to greet, you know, some guests, you greet some guests, but I would say in a perfect situation, you are making the time to, to visit tables.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We did something, I’ve talked about this before, but we did something called the Mission Impossible at our wedding, where they put on the Mission Impossible Music and then we had to go to every table and get a picture with all of them.

Mariah Humbert: Oh, that’s really fun.

Christa Innis: It was like a quick, fun way to like get in a picture and say like, Hey guys, and like all round up so that we didn’t feel like guilty if we didn’t. I still tried to make an effort to talk to everybody, but like, it still made us feel like, oh, we saw everybody and it was our photographer’s idea.

And she’s like, it’s a great idea. It was at so many weddings and she’s like, it makes people feel like they got to see you and like hug you for a second or chat, you know? And it was great. It was all in like three minutes.

Mariah Humbert: That’s a great idea. But I also think, you know, and I’m a big proponent of host etiquette and guest etiquette, but I think this is the one day too where guests can be.

You know, need to give the couple, the benefit of the doubt that if they don’t make it to the table, it’s not because they’re trying to be rude. Right? There’s, you have so many things to do on this day, and it goes by in a flash, and so I think that the attempt of doing it is. Is the important part, but if the execution is not perfect, don’t be hard on yourself.

This is the one day where even an etiquette trainer will allow you to slip up in that. In that case, yes. It to be realistic, right? You have to be realistic,

Christa Innis: right? Because yeah, you hear of the, like the people pleaser or like super kind bride where she spends her whole night then greeting everybody and she misses out.

So it’s like you do have to kind of take into consideration like what’s your timeline? What do you. Is talking to this person for 30 minutes actually feasible, right? Or do you need hold away?

Mariah Humbert: Right. I mean, we had a, we had a smaller, we had actually a very non-traditional wedding, but we had a smaller, um, wedding.

And even in a small wedding, like just the way the layout was, we started with the tables and then we had to sit down because something else started and we didn’t make it to every single one. Yeah. And I mean the, the, the idea was there, I would, the intention was there, but it, you know, you have to be realistic.

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. Um, can the bride’s mom wear the same color as bridesmaids?

Mariah Humbert: If it’s okay with the bride? Mm-hmm. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I feel like it, because some people have very specific color palettes, so they might want all the family in black or all the family in Navy or everybody in a shade of blue. I had, I didn’t have a wedding party, but I had, you know, my mom and mother-in-law and my sister, who was my maid of honor, all in gold.

So I think it’s the, the couple’s preference. Yep.

Christa Innis: I love that. Okay, last one. “How do you handle guests who ignore the dress code?”

Mariah Humbert: There’s nothing that you can do in the moment, unfortunately. And. I would say at the ti, are you, do you think, you mean like, or this was this question maybe in in relation to like on the day?

Christa Innis: Yes. I think on the day, if someone…

Mariah Humbert: Okay.

Christa Innis: Either wearing white or they’re wearing jeans or you know, whatever.

Mariah Humbert: I want you to be so wrapped up in being excited about your day and excited about marrying the person you’re marrying. That if someone shows up. Totally not dressed properly. It’s on them and not you.

I, I hope that you don’t even realize because you’re so engulfed in joy.

Christa Innis: I know. I had one friend that was like, so I don’t want, I dunno if so, stress is the right way to put it, but she was like overly thinking about this one uncle that wears jeans to every event and she’s like, I just don’t want him to wear jeans.

And I was like, if he does. There’s not much you can do. And like there’s no point in like starting a whole thing with his family ’cause he’s gonna wear jeans. Like if he wears jeans, he’ll be the guy in jeans. Like, and if, and then maybe he just won’t be in photos or you won’t see the bottom half of him.

You know? Um, totally Just don’t let it take away from your joy on that day. ’cause it’s something so minuscule at the end of the day.

Mariah Humbert: Totally. And I, I, I wish guests would be more careful with dress codes and really respect that. This is what the couples desired. Um, but again, it doesn’t always work out that way. But again, I hope you’re, I hope you’re so distracted by the joy of the day that you don’t even notice.

The Wedding Disaster That Somehow Became Perfect

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. Okay. Time for this week’s story submission. So, okay. Someone sent this into me. Um, feel free to stop me or I’ll take pauses. Okay. Drink some water really quick. Mm-hmm. Because I’m so like raspy.

Okay, here we go. “

When I think back on my wedding, I remember how wonderful it was and how much fun we had. I definitely don’t think about all the drama that led up to it during the planning process, but when I look at it objectively, almost every vendor aside from the main catering company was replaced before the big day.

My oldest friend ghosted me after planning a bachelorette party. I would’ve been miserable at. And my niece ripped the front of my dress right before I walked down the aisle. Yet still, it was truly an amazing day.” Well, that’s a good way to start it. That she’s like, it’s…

Mariah Humbert: I’m like, uhoh, what’s coming?

Christa Innis: Like, she looked at it very positively.

Mariah Humbert: Right.

Christa Innis: All these terrible things happen, but it was still great.

Mariah Humbert: I like her attitude.

Christa Innis: Yes. I feel like a lot of it does have to do with like your attitude and your outlook on the day because Totally. You could let rain ruin your day or you could be like, you know what, look how beautiful these photos are gonna be. You know?

Mariah Humbert: Yes. Perspective is everything.

Christa Innis: Yes. Um, my husband and I chose to get married on my grandparents’ 66th, the wedding anniversary. It was a special date and since my grandfather was ill, we wanted to honor them while. While we still could, we booked a local venue and went through a list of approved vendor vendors, selected a catering company that also provided a day of coordinator.

Two days before the wedding, I received an email that the coordinator I had worked with for months was no longer with the company. A woman I had never met who I also didn’t meet on the, on the day of was taking her place. She assured me everything would be handled, and to her credit, most of it was. But something fell through the cracks.

We had brought s sentimental items like custom cake knife my brother-in-law made, and the champagne flutes from my husband’s grandparents’ wedding for our cake cutting and toast. These never made it to our reception because the new coordinator didn’t know about them and didn’t return my calls the day before the review to review details.

Mariah Humbert: Okay.

Christa Innis: Our videographer was another disaster. I paid a hefty deposit, but two months before the wedding, he told me he was moving outta state, couldn’t refund the money, and then blocked my number and stopped responding to emails. How, I mean, how do you even handle that situation if they block you that like.

Mariah Humbert: that’s cr, I mean, I maybe you get involved legally.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s the only way at that point, that’s the only way is that contact them. Right. That’s terrible. Just because he is moving outta state. You wanna lose your…

Mariah Humbert: This is all the same person that’s had this. Oh goodness.

Christa Innis: It’s wild. Oh my gosh. Thankfully we found another videographer who had a last minute cancellation and could fit us in for a smaller package within our reduced budget. And now you’re out that money till you know you can get it.

Mariah Humbert: Right. That’s why I was saying maybe you need to get involved legally. I don’t, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. A week before the wedding, the photographer I had booked was in a car accident. Oh my gosh. This poor bride and groom. And need a knee surgery. The company assigned a replacement photographer who showed up in a short cheetah print dress in fishnet tights.

Her assistant handled the groomsman photos, but never got a solo shot of my husband, even though it was on the shot list. The photographer did a solid job, but her personality and style weren’t what I wouldn’t have chosen if I had a choice. I feel like if you go through like a bigger company and they assign someone you don’t really know.

We are gonna get or what they’re gonna wear. You don’t really have a say on that. Right? I agree. Because that’s what we did and we got really lucky. Like our girl was awesome, she was great and really hands-on, but you don’t really, that’s kinda like the price you pay if you don’t meet them. Right, right.

Um, still I was grateful we had someone there to capture the day. Three weeks before the wedding, our DJ canceled due to a family emergency.

Mariah Humbert: My goodness.

Christa Innis: This is like a tale. This doesn’t even sound like.

Mariah Humbert: I know it’s a true story, but it doesn’t even sound like it could be.

Christa Innis: No, something’s gotta get sent to me. I like will post and people are like, this can’t be true. And I’m like, I don’t know. This is…

Mariah Humbert: No. A real human wrote it.

Christa Innis: Someone sent it into me. We couldn’t find anyone else on short notice, so we made our own playlist, over 300 songs organized by the event, pre ceremony, ceremony, cocktail hour dinner, and reception. We even spaced out slow and fast songs for a balance and labeled all the key moments like our first dance. Good on them. That’s amazing.

Mariah Humbert: I was going to say, they really are making lemonade out of lemons here. Yes. I think that this is such a good foundation for a really happy and healthy life together with being able to, you know. Figure out all of these solutions at such a high stress time. In the moment, I’m sure they were not thinking about that. They were panicking, but in hindsight, uh, kudos to them.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Honestly, that’s a really good point about like your wedding day and like the, the planning up to it is a really good example of how are you gonna tackle, like issues that come up in your marriage or issues that come up.

Mariah Humbert: Conflict resolution and communication.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Mariah Humbert: But with that being said, it still sucks.

Christa Innis: Yes, it definitely still sucks and I feel like you can still feel upset about those things. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, she said, unfortunately, once the reception started, a guest decided to hit shuffle completely undoing hours of careful planning.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my goodness.

Christa Innis: Our cake was another curve ball. When my mother-in-law picked it up the night before the wedding, it looked nothing like what we had ordered. After the rehearsal, she brought it to me and spent an hour scraping off the icing and reapplying it to look closer to the inspiration photo. Oh my gosh.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my gosh. This is horrible.

Christa Innis: And then my mom was hospitalized with a kidney infection just four days. I’m like, when does it stop?

Mariah Humbert: Is, is there still more to read?

Christa Innis: There’s still more. There’s still like three paragraphs.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my goodness. This poor couple.

Christa Innis: I’m like, I’m glad that it started with, it was a great day.

Mariah Humbert: And I love her. Right. I love her attitude. I love her attitude. This is, but she has a right to kind of like stamp her, stomp her foot.

Christa Innis: Yes. This is like a full on, you can make this into a movie or something. Right. Right.

My mom was hospitalized with a kidney infection just four days before the wedding. She needed surgery, but was released the morning of, she attended the wedding in a wheelchair and went home after the first dances to rest. Oh my gosh. That’s so sad.

Mariah Humbert: It’s breaking. Oh.

Christa Innis: Some of my favorite photos from that night are of my husband pushing her wheelchair onto the dance floor so we could share our mother-daughter dance. Aw. I didn’t have a maid of honor, just a group of bridesmaids, but my oldest friend tried to take over the bachelorette planning.

I had planned that, I had explained that because our group ranged from ages 17 to 38. I didn’t want to go to bars that my, so my underage sister couldn’t go. Um. So we, and we also needed to keep things budget friendly. I wanted something relaxing and fun with my closest friends and family.

She ignored all of that. Booked an expensive Airbnb, insisted on going to a nightclub and made dinner reservations at a five star steakhouse costing over a hundred dollars per person without drinks. Soon, four of the eight girls called to apologize saying they couldn’t afford it, but still wanted to be a part of the wedding.

At that point, I stepped in, canceled the $600 per person weekend, and planned a cozy hotel night instead. Pizza, junk food, cheesy movies. Um. It cost under $75 each and was exactly what I wanted. My friend ghosted me afterwards and never spoke to me again despite my attempts to reach out. Oh my gosh. Okay.

The day before the wedding, my brother-in-law made a fun of a groomsmen’s suit color and my made fun of the groomsman suit color, and my husband agreed. It was terrible. Until we realized it wasn’t the color we chose.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Oh no. Men’s warehouse had mixed up the order for every groomsman. After a flurry of calls and panic, another brother-in-law found matching ties at Macy’s and Men’s Warehouse swapped out the vest to coordinate with the gray suits. Crisis averted. Then came the wedding day itself. Oh my gosh. I really hope nothing bad happens on the wedding day.

Mariah Humbert: Oh my goodness.

Christa Innis: Since we didn’t have a DJ and I never met the new coordinator, we asked a friend to play the ceremony music, and as the wedding party walked down the aisle, my flower girls, my nieces were the last to go.

One of them got her shoe caught on the tool of my dress, tearing it right where right before I was supposed to walk, I tried to signal the music guy to pause, but he started playing my walk in music anyway, so I tore the rest of my, so I tore off the rest of the tool layer, stuffed it in a bush, and kept walking like nothing happened. This girl is a rock star.

Mariah Humbert: I bow down to her. I really do. She, you know what, that makes me think that this girl is quick on her feet. She’s, she’s got good perspective. Yeah. I, kudos to her.

Christa Innis: It is. She’s like, you know what? I didn’t need that layer anyway. No, whoop rigShe’s a problem solver.

Mariah Humbert: Like, she’s like redesigning her wedding gown seconds before she’s walking down the aisle. It’s, she’s definitely quick on her V and that’s a really good skill to have in life.

Christa Innis: It is. She’s like, you know what? I didn’t need that layer anyway. No, whoop right off click on her. Yeah. It makes me wonder like what she does for work. She must be like an event coordinator.

Mariah Humbert: Right. Like thinking quick something where you have to be flexible and, and quick on your feet and good at making decisions fast.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um. To top it off, the dress itself wasn’t even the one I had ordered. But it was still beautiful, honestly. So was everything else. The day may not have gone as planned, but it was perfect in its own way. I married the love of my life and we smiled all night.

Mariah Humbert: I think this is a good lesson for everybody and obviously you put your heart and soul in planning the good day and or the best day and you know, you want things to go perfectly and you want things to be great for your guests and, but you, you really sometimes have to take a step back and it’s so hard when you’re so in it.

I mean, I’m recently married so I remember being so in it, but you take a step back and. Think about, you know, you’re marrying the person that you want to hopefully, and you’re in a room filled with the most important people in your life, which doesn’t happens like at your wedding and then like later in life, right, right.

For a not so happy day. So if you can really focus and have that perspective and zoom out and look at the big picture and which I think that this, this person did a wonderful job at, I think it’s a good lesson for everyone.

Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah, I’ve, I’ve been saying this to people before too, like for my wedding, like I felt like at that point I remember my makeup artist saying like, you are one of the most calm brides I’ve ever done makeup for.

And I was like, well, I figure at this point all my friends and family are here. If something happens. What am I gonna do?

Mariah Humbert: That’s how I felt too on the day of, I was not so chill leading up to it. But on the day, I actually surprised myself. Yeah. But I had the same feeling. I was like, everybody’s that the most important people in my life are here.

So if we sit on the ground and eat pizza, that, you know, like it is what it is. It’s, I get to marry the person I love with the people around me that mean the most. That’s really what it’s with that being said, you are allowed to throw a little fit to yourself. If something doesn’t go, it doesn’t go wrong.

Yeah. As long, I mean, doesn’t go right as long as it’s to yourself.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, absolutely. ’cause I feel like every bride I talked to there, if you look back, I’m sure there’s a couple whole slip ups or a couple things of course happened the the way it was supposed to. Um, but yeah, it is about perspective and being able to look back and just being like, okay, this is like, the most amazing people in my life are here and I’m just, you know, grateful to be surrounded by them.

Mariah Humbert: Um, yes, and some things you can’t control, right? You try and control so much when you plan your wedding, but some things are just totally out of your control.

Perspective is Everything: Stress Less, Celebrate More

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, for sure. So what would you say, um, like some, like parting advice, as I always, I read confessions.

At the end of this, but with this story and just like people that are maybe in the midst of their wedding planning right now, what’s some like, just parting advice you would say when it comes to like etiquette and planning? Um, maybe wedding stress, um, that kind of comes to mind. I know that’s kind of like a big ballpark, but.

Anything that comes to mind.

Mariah Humbert: I think it, it really goes back to what I said before, that this is the, the day that you, your job is to balance how can I create a great experience for my guests and respect my family and the people contributing to the wedding, but not allow that to take away from me having the day that my partner and I dream of having. You know, how can I respect traditions that are important with my, for my family, but also bring in things that really mean to mean a lot to us as a couple.

Um, so I think that the details are so important because it’s what makes the day. But I think that that story again was the perfect example of, of having a good attitude and communicating well and not letting the stress get the best of you. if you’re really in it that’s such a, I probably would’ve rolled my eyes if someone said that to me when I was planning, like, don’t get the stress, don’t let the stress get to you. But when I look back, I think the one thing I wish I did differently was stress a little less.

And so I think it’s, if you can really focus on that, you’re so socially aware and emotionally and aware that you’re having your dream day, but you’re not forgetting that you’re also touching other people’s lives in the in the process of it. And you kind of have the power to make that a good experience for everyone involved.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that makes me think of too, it’s like if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you know, and like something happens, like you stub your toe, it’s gonna be the worst thing in the world. When you wake up and like the sun’s shining and you st your toe, you’re just gonna like laugh it off.

Mariah Humbert: It’s so true.

Christa Innis: It’s like, it’s all about that perspective of like, if you start your day off and you’re like. Three things are gonna go wrong today, whatever. And you just like, enjoy the day and enjoy being surrounded by people. It’s gonna be such a better experience. You don’t want those little, like, little things get to you.

Mariah Humbert: Exactly. It’s so hard, but it’s true.

The Weirdest Wedding Gifts & Modern Etiquette Tips

Christa Innis: Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. I always like to like end these with confessions that people send me. Um, so here we go. These are, I always have to zoom in ’cause my eyes. Okay. Um, so.

These are okay. Talking about like wedding gifts and giving people, um, gifts at showers. These are weirdest gifts that people have received.

Mariah Humbert: Oh, this is fun. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, “this says a used Turkey roaster.”

Mariah Humbert: Used. Okay.

Christa Innis: That’s probably not very good etiquette.

Mariah Humbert: Okay. Yeah. Don’t listen. I, it’s okay to regift, but it doesn’t, it can’t be used.

Christa Innis: Um, “my husband’s friend gave us a candle and a gallon zip lock full of condoms.” Okay. I did not read that whole thing.

Mariah Humbert: Hey. All right.

Christa Innis: Um, my boss, who was both of our bosses, got us one round TV tray, not one, or not two, one for $10.

Okay. Um. All right, last one here. My father-in-law got a box full of ketchup as a wedding gift, and he loved it. Know your options.

Mariah Humbert: I guess, to each their own maybe that’s what he loves. Maybe that person, but maybe that was the best gift giver because they purchased something for him that he loves. Yeah. Right. It’s about, again, I had, it said it a million times. It’s about the gesture and thinking of the person more so than the monetary value.

Christa Innis: Yes. What’s your take on? Um, ’cause I never thought this was a thing until people were posting, um, wearing black to a wedding.

Mariah Humbert: The, I think that this is very outdated back in the day, it was, you know, much more suited as a color of mourning. It was a more serious color. And, um, but I think that that has evolved over time.

And black can be really chic. Um. That doesn’t mean that it’s black tie, you have to wear black, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing black it. It’s also a, a cultural thing too. Different colors at different weddings. So if you’re attending a wedding of a culture that is different from yours, you might wanna do some research or ask a family member of the couple of what the proper protocol is.

Okay. But generally speaking, there’s nothing wrong with wearing black.

Christa Innis: Okay. That’s what I know. I was like reading all these stories about people showing up in black and it seen as a bad thing. And I was like, I think I’ve worn black to a couple weddings, but like. I don’t know. Yeah, I think that’s outdated.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I’m so glad…

Mariah Humbert: Oh, my pleasure.

Christa Innis: To connect. I’ve learned so much from you, and I’m sure our audience will too, because I’m always ending questions about etiquette and like, especially when it comes to weddings and events. So this was so awesome.

Mariah Humbert: Well, thank you for having me. This was such a fun conversation.

Christa Innis: And so, um, before you go, can you just share again your social handles where people can find you, the names of your books and all that good stuff? Sure.

Mariah Humbert: So my website is www.oldsouletiquette.com. I’m on Instagram and TikTok as Mariah Grumet Humbert, H-U-M-B-E-R-T.

Um, my first book is, “What Do I Do: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered.” And the second book is The Essential Wedding Planner. Awesome. I love it.

Christa Innis: We’ll link them below as well so people can check you.

Mariah Humbert: Thank you.

Christa Innis: Thanks so much!

by Christa Innis

The Mother of All Wedding Meltdowns: Stolen Funds, Sequin Gowns, & Shopping Disasters

Ever had your dream wedding hijacked by family drama?

In this episode, I’m re-sharing an episode previously released for Patreon only, where we dive into wild mothers of the bride and the chaos they can create. From stolen wedding funds and sequin gowns to rehearsal dinner meltdowns, I walk you through four jaw-dropping stories straight from the Vault. These are the moments that make you laugh, gasp, and maybe rethink your own wedding planning.

I also break down real-life etiquette fails, awkward tension, and lessons on setting boundaries—all while keeping the champagne flowing. Trust me, these moms are full of surprises.

Plus, I’m celebrating episode 50 with a giveaway: four $50 Amazon gift cards! Just share a screenshot or post about the podcast and tag me @HeyChristaInnis.

Grab a drink, tune in, and get ready for chaos, laughs, and jaw-dropping wedding drama!

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:33 Hot Takes on Mothers of the Bride

04:08 Famous Mothers of the Bride in Pop Culture

08:18 Real-Life Mother of the Bride Stories

14:58 The Over-the-Top Wedding Attire

15:19 Family Drama Unfolds at the Reception

17:47 Awkward Vibes and Wedding Tensions

18:33 Personal Wedding Experiences and Reflections

19:40 The Rehearsal Dinner Dilemma

23:04 Mother-Daughter Conflict Over Wedding Plans

27:51 A Wedding Weekend Overshadowed by Drama

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Stolen Wedding Funds – A mother takes thousands from the wedding fund, forcing the bride to DIY the night before.
Hard Liquor Threats – The groom’s mom and uncle threaten to skip the wedding over drink options, showing how minor disagreements escalate fast.
Bridesmaid & Groom Chaos – Drunk family members disrupt the reception, creating tension and awkwardness for everyone.
Sequin Overload – The mother-of-the-bride shows up in a floor-length sequin gown for a rustic barn wedding.
Rehearsal Dinner Meltdown – Miscommunication over invitations and payments spirals into public confrontations and tears.
Family Whisper Wars – Moms and aunts whisper, judge, and hold grudges, overshadowing the bride’s excitement.
Emotional Support Saves the Day – The mother-in-law steps in to comfort the bride during a meltdown.
Episode 50 Giveaway – Celebrate with me! Four $50 Amazon gift cards up for grabs—just share a screenshot or post about the podcast and tag me @HeyChristaInnis.
Half-Apologies & Lessons Learned – Despite chaos, boundaries and communication slowly restore some peace before the wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If you are paying for the wedding, it doesn’t mean you get to control everything—mutual respect goes a long way.” – Christa Innis
“Wearing white as the mother of the bride? Passive-aggressive flex. Just don’t.” – Christa Innis
“Let the bride and groom enjoy their day—don’t spill the drama before it even starts.” – Christa Innis
“Family whispers, unspoken grudges, and judgmental glares—this is why weddings need champagne.” – Christa Innis
“At the end of the day, it’s your choice. No right or wrong, just boundaries and keeping the peace.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi guys. Happy New Year and welcome to episode 50 of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. Now, because it’s episode 50, I want to do a little giveaway. I thought it’d be a fun way to start the episode in a new year, so I’m gonna be giving away a. Four $50 Amazon gift cards. All you have to do is share a screenshot of you listening to the podcast, a photo of you listening to the podcast, and tag me mentioning the podcast in some way.

Share your review, anything to do with the podcast, share on social media. And then tag me at Hey Christa Innis, and I’ll be selecting four different winners to win $50 Amazon gift cards. I’ll announce the winners on February 12th. And that’s it. That’s all you have to do. Very simple. Literally just do a screenshot, share a photo, talking about you listening to the podcast.

Anything to help share it in one way or another will be really great. Um. Anything to share it on social media would be really awesome. And then we’ll just randomly select some winners. Just wanna give back to you guys. It’s just wild to think that we are almost at one full year of doing the podcast. And I know I can’t say it enough, but I’m just so grateful to everyone that’s listened, that’s shared, downloaded, left a review, whatever that looks like.

It just means the world to me. Um. And I’ve talked about it before, but when I set out to do this podcast, you know, gosh, it was November of 2023, right? Oh my gosh. I, I lose track of time so quickly. Um, November of 2024. What year are we in? We’re in 2025 right now when I’m recording. Yeah. Anyway, uh, when I set out to record it, I was like, you know what?

I think 20, I think we could do 25,000 downloads in a year, and now we’re at, you know, 225,000 something downloads, which is just wild to think. Um, I love being able to. Talk with you guys like on more topics, because I feel like the thing with social media is like, yes, I can show different sides of myself, but like obviously I’ve become known as like the skit girl.

I dunno if that makes sense. But like people know me as sharing these stories. They love the skits and there’s so much fun to do. But this gives me like a deeper side. Like I can have full conversations with people that come on, they can share their profession or what they’re interested in. And, um, we can just elaborate and talk a little bit more.

Um, so it’s fun to like be able to share that side. It’s also very scary. So that was the thing with doing this podcast is that I wasn’t sure how people would react to it if they would like it, because they’re used to me seeing skits or acting out skits. Um, but the thing is I was getting so many stories and this allows me to kind of.

Expand on thoughts or react to things and allow you guys to listen in another way too. Um, ’cause we can’t always, you know, watch skits all the time. I think it’s good to be driving and listen to a podcast or, um, working out, whatever that looks like for you. So I’m just so grateful for you guys listening to this episode and beyond and sharing.

Um. It’s kinda wild just thinking about it and what’s, what’s good to come. Um, I feel like 2026 is gonna be a really good year. Um, I’m not like a new Year’s resolutions person per se. Like I believe in setting goals and manifesting and having visions and creating vision boards, but I don’t think it has to be like.

New Year’s Day. I feel like a lot of people are like so caught up on New Year’s Day and like starting fresh and if that works for you, I feel like lean into that 100%. Um, but I, I really do, like I said, believe in manifesting and. That’s one of the things I did with this podcast. I was always like, this is what I want it to look like.

These are the goals. And of course, we’ve pivoted and changed along the way, but I’ll be creating a vision board for this year for sure if I haven’t already by the time you guys are listening. Um, and I encourage you guys to do the same, like no matter how big or how small, just keep dreaming, keep thinking of things you wanna do in your life.

Uh, personal goals you have, um, career goals, um, things you wanna do with your family, whatever that looks like. It’s so good to like write things down and just have a loose plan or just something you can look at and be like, yes, this is me, this is what I want. Um, so I really encourage that. Um, another thing that’s coming this year is obviously I’ve talked about finishing up book number two.

Um, I’m sharing a lot more of the writing process. Um, I’m trying to, anyway, with the second book and, you know. While I finished writing the story, there’s still all these like moving parts, right? There’s the editing part of it, proofreading, um, having my literary agent look at it. So, um, hopefully we’ll have some more dates soon and I can give you guys some more details on that.

Now that we’re on the subject of Ferris and Sloan, in case you miss. I started a little prequel of their story. This has been so fun for me to create. Um, people kept asking about season four, and I still have no intentions of doing season four. I’ve talked about this. I think it’s the most popular question I keep answering is because like.

It would just get really complicated if I were to keep doing season four with the books, because the books have kind of changed. So the prequel allows me to have that same creative, um, feel that I did in the first season of Ferris and Sloan because, um, I can just kind of do with it what I want. And it’s been really fun so far.

So if you haven’t checked that out yet, please go check it out. Like I said, it’s been so much fun to create and come back to these characters. Um, now for today’s episode, since I’ve been kind of taking a little time off around work. Around the holidays, and I kind of say that very loosely because, you know, I take a little time off, but I’m also still doing a lot of planning and stuff.

But, um, just like last week, I’m going to share a prerecorded episode, but this was previously shared also my Patreon. So if you weren’t Patreon or your Patreon and you listened to it a long time ago. It’s a good one. It’s a really good one you’re gonna really enjoy. This was called the Mother of all Wedding Meltdowns.

So in this episode, I read not one, not two, not three, but four different mother of the bride stories from the vault, and they’re kind of all over the place and they, they start a little bit shorter and then it gets to a, a couple long ones at the end there. So this one is pretty wild. Um, I hope you guys enjoy it and.

I’ve heard you guys loud and clear. You guys want more drama, more stories and get rid of all the extra stuff. One thing I will never get rid of though, is just my random banter because it’s just fun just to add some little commentary, however this episode, we’re gonna do things a little bit different. we’re gonna switch up the structure a little bit because it’s still kind of figuring out Patreon and what you guys want to hear, right? So we have not one, not two, not three, but four different stories from the vault. All about mothers of the bride.

I told you guys, each month we’re gonna focus on different, either people involved or different topics involved in weddings. We did bridesmaids, we did groomsmen. Not saying they won’t come back, but this month is all about mothers of the bride. And believe me, we get lots of stories, about the moms because they do really have such a vital role when it comes to weddings and I think it’s really important that, we all understand our role and we understand like how we can be helpful and not overstep.

I always say this time and time again, I’m so lucky that my mom and mother-in-law were both so helpful and respectful. Like on the wedding day, not like taking anything away from me. They knew how important it was to me to be able to plan, but also I kept them very involved as much as they wanted to be. But we have a lot of stories. about mothers of the bride that did not really understand their role. People get pushed to the wayside. People get told how they’re gonna do things and it causes some chaos. So, like I said, we’re gonna do things a little bit different. We’re gonna just keep it fun today.

I mean, not saying it’s not usually fun, but we’re just gonna jump right into the drama. Let’s start with some hot takes. Okay. Here are some hot takes around mothers of the bride. First one says:

Mother Of The Bride Myths, Power Plays & Pop Culture Chaos

If she’s paying, she’s planning. Okay, so this is interesting. I shouldn’t say I have mixed feelings about this because I’m pretty consistent with my feelings on this.

If you are paying for the wedding because you want to help as a gift you can help with as much as the bride and groom still want you to help with. It does not mean because you’re paying, you can take control. Now I think it’s all about mutual respect. If there’s a good relationship between the bride, the groom, and the parents.

Then I think absolutely let’s help each other out. You wanna take on this? I’ll take on this. Absolutely. Like, let’s do it. However, if it’s already kind of a rocky relationship and you’re doing it to hang something over their head, then yeah, let’s not do that. Because if you’re paying just so you can control things, then that altogether is not a great thing, but we hear about it all the time that, oh, well, she paid for it so she can change it, or she can do it this way. And I just don’t agree with that. But that’s a constant thing that we always see. Right.

Okay. Number two, wearing white is a passive aggressive flex. Yeah. I mean, again, it depends on the wedding. There are some weddings where they’re like, I don’t care. We’re white. It’s a garden wedding. Wear neutrals or whatever. however, unless specifically stated on the invitation or told to you by the brighter groom themselves, don’t wear white. I’ve heard a lot of stories where a mother of bride has walked in wearing white, and you can tell it’s just too upstage. So just putting that out there.

Number three, she should walk in before the bridesmaids. Yes. I don’t know if I’ve been to a wedding where she walks in after the bridesmaids. That’s just kind of like how it typically goes. The first few people might change a little bit, but you typically have the groom. In a heterosexual wedding, you typically have the groom walkout first, whether it’s with his parents or by himself. Then you have his parents and then you have, depending if you want people to walk on the aisle, sometimes parents just walk out as part of the guest. but like in ours, we had my husband walk down with both of his parents, then my mom walked with my brother, and then, I think we did grandparents.

Then bridesmaids were before me. Bridesmaids and groommen were before me. Flower girl, ring bear, all that stuff. So yes, I think the parents should walk out before the bridesmaids because you want your family set first before like the wedding party starts basically. They wanna be able to see everything.

Okay, here we go. Famous mothers of the bride. Guess that mother of the bride. Here we go. So I’m gonna read a clue, I’m gonna pause so you guys can guess at home who you think it was. Okay. She tried to steal the spotlight by wearing a white dress to her daughter’s wedding then dance with her ex-husband on the beach in Greece. Who is that mother of the bride? That is Meryl Streep and Mama Mia.

Okay. I have not seen that movie in a long time. It’s probably been since I was in college. but it’s a movie, so it’s entertainment. So don’t take any of this. It’s seriously, but there’s already a lot of problematic things with this.

The next one I’m gonna read. This high society mother of bride lied to her daughter about her father’s identity times three. Again, Amanda’s mom and mama Mia. So there’s already some problems, with that. She wasn’t completely honest with her daughter. So did she wear a white dress to upstate her daughter? I don’t know. Maybe she did. Who knows.

Okay. Number three, she secretly planned her daughter’s entire wedding, didn’t tell her, and then expected her to go along with it, including picking the venue and the dress. Who was that mother of the bride? That is, it’s crazy ’cause you read some of these and you’re like, that would never happen.But I just, I just read a story very similar to this that just happened to someone that is Jane Fonda and Monster in-law.

Okay. Number four. She crashed her ex’s new wedding just to stir the pot because no one upstages her in her own family. I’m not familiar with this one. That’s Lucille Bluth vibes. It says, in Arrested Development.

Okay. There’s two more. This real life celebrity mother of the bride wore a sheer beaded gown to her daughter’s Italian wedding and somehow stole the spotlight. The clue is momager. Okay, that’s Kris Jenner at Courtney Kardashian’s wedding. I don’t follow the Kardashians very closely. I used to watch. What was their show like on Hulu? I’ve seen, I would watch that, but I didn’t grow up watching the Kardashians, so I think I missed the whole Courtney Kardashian wedding. Now I know one of the daughters had a wedding where they all wore white. And guys, if you were big Kardashian fans, you’re probably laughing at me ’cause you’re like, what are you talking about? I think they all just upstage each other. I think they’re all just really into fashion and. I don’t know. I think they all just are really into it and looking good, so I don’t, I doubt she did it to upstage her, but I could be wrong.

Okay, last one here. She plays sweet and simple, but she’s the real mastermind behind the scenes. Calmly steering the chaos of a massive Greek family and reminding us that the woman may not be the head, but she’s definitely the neck. That is Maria Porticos in my Big Fat Greek wedding. I love that movie.

So let me tell you a little funny backstory. So I was in fifth grade, I think, when that movie came out. Not to age myself. I think I was in fifth grade, and my best friend and I at the time, we wanted to go to the movies to go see something, right? And it was one of those days, I think it was like either a spring break or summer, and we were just like old enough to go to the movies by ourselves. Like our parents would drop us off so we could go and, my friend Valerie, she was like, well this movie called My Big Fat Greek Wedding is playing. And I was like, I don’t even know what that is. Like, I never heard of it. And I told my mom, my mom was like, oh, I think it’s for adults. I don’t think you’re gonna like it. It might be just, Out of your realm of what you would find funny. And so we’re like, whatever, it’s the only movie available.

And so we went and we were cracking up. We thought it was so funny, the whole Windex thing. I mean, it’s one of those classics and I’ve since gone back and watched it. ’cause now I think they have two or three of ’em and it’s so good. I love the mom. Porta Collos. I just think she’s so wholesome and sweet.

Yes. Is there some of that, control? Of course. That’s more when they’re dating though. But you can tell she just like so cares for her daughter and she really adapts to everything and I think just, it’s such a good movie. So just a little side spiel.

Mother Of The Bride Horror Vault

Okay. I better get into it guys, because we’ve got four stories from the vault.

The first. They get longer and longer as they go. The first couple are pretty short. The last one is The main one. Again, I’ve not read these. We kind of just searched for mother of the bride and we’re gonna see what happens and we’re gonna react in real time here.

Okay? Number one, my mom stole several thousand dollars out of our wedding fund, so the night before I had to cook all the food and make the decor because it was the vendor’s money.

How does that work? Because typically vendors are gonna require deposit down and then still come. So why would then you have to make all the food? it says she bought pills with it. Oh gosh. Tried to sell them to the wedding guests while wearing a cocktail dress that she was falling out of. Oh my gosh.

She also kept all my memorabilia, so we literally had nothing from our wedding. When I asked her why she would do this, she shrugged and said, well, you’re getting married in my yard. Oh my gosh. So this is very like off the rails, but similar to I’m paying for it so I can do what I want.

She’s obviously not paying for it. I mean, I don’t know what parts she was kind of paying for, but providing the yard in her mind, she’s like, well. That means everything that’s on this yard belongs to me, I can control things still several thousands. I’m also wondering like, how did she get access to it? Was this a bank account? So many questions you guys. Oh my gosh. bad. That’s pretty bad.

Okay. Story number two, this happened at my fiance’s best friend’s wedding. First, his mom and uncle were very upset because the groom said there wasn’t going to be any hard liquor served at the reception only wine in a couple different kinds of beer.

Oh my gosh, you guys, if you watch my content, you’ve seen that one that I just, not that long ago. I think it was, Aaron. I think it was like all names from the office. It was like Aaron, Pam, gosh, I don’t even remember who else was in it. Jim. it was so similar. It was the sister like that didn’t wanna come because she was like, why are you not having any hard liquor? That is crazy.

His mom and uncle actually threatened not to come, but then they decided to, they would just have some hard liquor before the wedding and showed up drunk. They also snuck hard liquor into the reception that they kept to themselves, and also one of the groomsmen was the groom’s girl best friend as the groom’s mom was leaving the reception.

Okay. Drunk as a skunk, she pulled the girl best friend aside and told her it should have been you. Oh no, just reading this, I’m realizing like, oh, this is like a girl’s mom, but whatever.

There’s a lot to say here. There’s a lot to say here. I mean, first threatening to not come to the wedding. This is your son’s wedding, right? Yeah. The uncle and the mom are, threatening to not come because there’s no hard liquor. That’s a problem. That is a problem. If you’re gonna refuse to not go celebrate someone as close and important as your son, that’s a problem. Then she decides to get drunk in the parking lot or wherever before the wedding tells the best friend. Oh my gosh. Should have been you. The girl best friend, felt instantly awkward and talked to my fiance, who was the best man. Not sure if she should tell the groom or not. In the end, she decided it was the right thing. She had to tell him. Oh my gosh. See, I think you should avoid telling the bride and groom anything until after the wedding.

Let them live in their wedded bliss. Don’t keep telling about the drama. because there’s so many people that I’ve had stories send to me that there were like, our day was amazing. We had the best time. Later we found out, or someone told me this later, and I just think let’s do that.

Let’s let them keep the peace. And just live in their wedded bliss because I don’t know, it’ll distract them from their day if we’re just telling them like every little drama thing. Anyways, it says the groom got in a big fight with his mom and they ended up not speaking for something like three months.

Oh my gosh. That’s insane. Okay, next one. I’m breaking this one up so I don’t. Mess it up. Story number three. Trying to not lose my voice again, as of the date I’m recording this. I had just lost my voice and I’m starting to get it back again, but I’m realizing like I’m doing even more talking. This week I had three podcasts episodes to film and filming content, so I’m really trying to like. Make sure I’m drinking water, taking breaks and all that good stuff.

Anyways, okay, so my brother married this girl that literally my whole family hates. We all tried to talk him out of it because she and her family are nothing but drama. hard. And I know in her mind, and again, I’m not a part of it, I’m only reading a story here, but in her mind, she’s like helping him by saying that.

But there’s some things you just have to let them figure it out on their own, because if something were to happen, you don’t want him turning his back on his family being like, well, you guys did this, or You guys blamed them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He needs to figure it out on his own, otherwise it’s gonna cause like a bigger rift between him and his family.

But he wanted to marry her. So my mom and aunt literally did everything for the wedding. Full on DIY, decor and favors and helped pay for the venue. I didn’t wanna be in the wedding unless I could stand on my brother’s side with our cousin and older brother. She told my brother I was being a selfish bitch a baby, and if I didn’t stand with her, I couldn’t be in the wedding at all.

Oh my gosh. It is hard. if you already don’t like the bride, then I get not wanting to be in the wedding. But you’ll also at the end of the day have to realize it’s the bride and grooms day. So if they want bridesmaids on their side and grooms went on the other, that’s their thing. I’ve seen more and more sides get mixed up with guys and girls or whatever, but at the end of the day, it’s their choice. I don’t know. That’s hard. That’s hard.

She says, fine. Wedding day comes, and I was helping my mom literally set the whole thing up. We were at the venue all day. her family was getting their hair and makeup done, and they never even asked my mom if she wanted to come with them to get ready.

Her mom, this is the mother of the bride came to the venue, which was a barn since they did a fall country casual theme. She showed up in a full blown sequin floor length gown with fake eyelashes. Hey, I’m not knocking fake eyelashes though, because I had them at my wedding and I got married in a old Mattress factory. That’s a story for another time. I mean, it’s not really a story, it’s a cool, like rustic looking thing Anyways, and we all have fake eyelashes, but you can have ’em done different ways and hey, if that’s what you’re comfortable with, you do, you girl. But a full blown sequin, floor length gown is a little over the top for a barn.

That’s where you kinda wanna know the theme, But as a mother of the bride, you should maybe know it, but I dunno. It says the woman is 60. She said the decor that my mom and aunt made was tacky and looked cheap.

Okay. No, that’s just downright rude When you didn’t help with anything. You cannot come in and tell them that it looks tacky and cheap. Like, come on. There are zero pictures of our parents with her parents during the reception. Her father sat outside the entire night and we honestly never saw him after the father-daughter dance. Her mom had invited her friends they stayed outside all night and her brother brought weed and was smoking it with the flower girls right there.

Oh my gosh. This is a mess. Okay. My dad was freaking out that we were gonna get kicked out of the venue. Meanwhile, the bride didn’t speak to anyone. Changed into a t-shirt and jeans was just on the phone, the entire reception. Why are they getting married? It sounds like they don’t wanna be getting married or like someone’s pressuring them.

But if like his family doesn’t like her, the families aren’t talking, the bride herself seems unhappy. Put on a t-shirt and jeans right after it was on the phone. Like, what’s happening here? The bride’s brother took off his shirt and was drunk running around trying to pick a fight with guests. Oh my gosh.

Oh, this is crazy. The owner of the venue told my dad to get him out of there, or he was going to call the police. Why is it up to the groom’s dad? That’s weird. My dad found the mother of the bride and asked her to remove her son. She told my dad that we were being judgemental her son was just having a good time.

No. Oh, this isn’t good. My cousin, who was a groomsman, ended up having to carry her brother out of the venue get someone to drive him home. The mother of the bride yelled at my cousin for touching her son and making him leave. That was our family being rude and the whole wedding was a disaster because of us.

That just shows you that. Whoever tells the story is gonna tell it from, you know, obviously their perspective. So this mother of the bride’s probably going around saying like, uh, the family that my daughter married into is horrible. They ruined their wedding. They were so judgmental. They took my son out.They grabbed him. all those things. When in reality, well, we weren’t there. So we don’t know what the real story is, but according to this sister of the groom, they were just pretty disruptive and rude and drunk. So that’s what I’m getting from all that. That’s crazy. That’s when like, I really can picture in my mind, like I picture them at this barn.

I picture them the brides in her little t-shirt and just like, don’t talk to me. It’s just awkward vibes. Have you guys ever been to a wedding where there’s just awkward vibes. Like either people just feel like they shouldn’t get married. There’s a lot of chitter chatter. There’s a lot of like tension because I definitely have, and you know, the second you walk in, people are not.

I don’t know. seems a little more tense. You can kind of feel it and like I’ve known to be like a little more like aware of these things. Like if I go somewhere, like I can tell like when there’s tension, some people don’t notice it, but like I’ve been to weddings where I’m just like, what’s the issue here? Or are they not supposed to be getting married? Who got in a fight with who? Like something’s off. I don’t know.

Okay. And this last one, Ooh, I need more water. This one’s like a long one, so I need a voice break after this.

Alright, you guys need to share some more of like your wedding guest stories. I feel like I haven’t been to a wedding in so long. Like I said, I don’t know, I’ve said another podcast, but like my husband and I used to go to weddings all the time. We were in weddings all the time. And then, I don’t know if it was just perfect timing, but after having our daughter, it seemed like less and less people in our friend group were, getting married or they were already married.

We’ve gone to one since my daughter has been born and, she was only three months old at the time. And so, I feel like we’re in that lull where it’s like we probably won’t have a wedding to go to for a while, so it’s nice break, but I also like going to weddings a lot.

So, I’m gonna be a day of coordinator for a wedding this year, actually my birthday weekend. So that’ll be kind of fun. I’m excited. So that’ll probably be the next wedding I’ll go to, but I won’t be a guest. And then I was day of coordinator. Okay, now it’s all coming back to me. I was a day of coordinator last January for a wedding.

That was really fun. But I’m working, I’m running around for those. But any who? Story number four. This one’s gonna be good. All right. She says.

Dress Shopping Disaster & The Rehearsal Dinner Ultimatum

I’m getting married in late April of next year. Back in June, I set up two wedding dress appointments.

My sister who lives across the country, two of my bridal party, my soon-to-be mother-in-law and father-in-law, and my mom and aunt were all planning to come down and be there. For context. My mother had planned an engagement party for us when my sister visited with my niece for the first time last September.

It was more of a shared event so that my sister-in-laws who were also visiting could meet our family. My aunt from both sides were also there. We had to beg my family to take photos of my fiance and me at the event, but we laughed it off. We were still so grateful they planned something for us. I sent everyone handwritten thank you notes. afterwards. When I began wedding planning, my mom started acting oddly. She never really asked if I needed help, but instead consistently brought up things that she didn’t like about other weddings, including my sisters.

This is what we call unhelpful advice. When all you say is things you don’t like and just start complaining about things, that’s not helpful because. That only teaches the bride to be critical of herself and question everything that she does because she’s like, oh, is mom gonna like it? Oh, she seems to like hate a lot of things, right? She sent me suggestions for things she wanted to see at our wedding. When it didn’t fit what we had wanted, I would politely decline, but always thank her for her input.

As we booked our venue in my fiance’s hometown, his mom kindly offered to plan the rehearsal dinner at a small historic inn in town. The Inn only seated 25 people max. We were grateful for her help and loved the venue, but after counting parents, stepparents our wedding party and their plus ones, which is traditional, we were already at capacity.

The only extended family invited was my fiance’s uncle, who is our officiant. A few weeks before everyone came down for dress fitting, I called a video chat with my mom sister to explain that we couldn’t invite any extended families to rehearsal dinner. My sister said it made sense. Traditionally only you invite extended family if there’s room after immediate family.

And the wedding party now, we’ll obviously continue. I have some different feelings about this. I am more someone you picture who you want at your rehearsal dinner first. Then you try to find well within your budget, right? Then you try to find a venue to support that. Because I’ve been to weddings and been a part of weddings where they’re like, well, we want this venue and we can only fit 20 people, so now we’re down to 20.

And then you have to make cuts of important people that you want there. And me, I look at it the other way. I’m like, people first. venue second, budget first, obviously you wanna think of your budget, but I would never personally, like if I have people flying in for the wedding, I would never leave ’em out of the, re rehearsal dinner.

That’s just me. I feel like you should invite everybody that’s flying in or like immediate family flying in or in your wedding party, but I know people have different opinions on that. Okay.

Then, she said her sister had a rehearsal dinner at a brewery that held 60 people, so she was able to include more. I explained to my mom that ours just couldn’t accommodate that and even sent her a wedding etiquette article to help. My mom didn’t have a traditional wedding and never planned one, so I thought it might help her understand.

My stepdad reassured me that she understood and she would explain it to my aunt and that it would be fine. Something tells me it won’t be fine. My mom had mentioned that she wanted to help with the wedding in some way since my mother-in-law had offered to help with my dress. I gave my mom the same opportunity.

I told her my budget and what the deposit would look like, both the minimum and the maximum. And also discussed having lunch with two of my bridal party members, which she offered to pay for. I even sent her the menu and after confirming everything was okay, I made the reservation. Well, somewhere between that call and everyone arriving for dress shopping, my mom and aunt had worked each other up.

They thought I was being rude to my aunt who helped pay for the engagement party, which I did send a thank you for, that I was being selfish asking my mom to pay for things. My sister knew they were upset, but they didn’t tell me until we picked her up for the airport. She did tell her friends and husband that she expected drama but hoped it wouldn’t happen. So they’re all talking about her behind her back saying like, this is nasty or this is bad. There’s gonna be drama, you know? Oh my gosh.

We picked her up at four in that day and had a three hour round trip and no time off work. My fiance and I were exhausted. That same day my mom and aunt arrived at our home. They were apparently upset that I didn’t offer them coffee or food immediately, which my mom would bring up later. But again, my fiance was at work and I was running on fumes. The next day we went dress shopping and had lunch with two of my bridal party members and my mother-in-law.

There was an odd tension the whole time. One of my bridesmaid later told me she noticed my mom and aunt whispering about the rehearsal dinner during lunch. Oh gosh. At the end of the lunch, my mom didn’t offer to pay for the other women as discussed. They kindly paid for themselves without complaint.

She is some very good storyteller. She gives a lot of great details. We moved on to the dress shopping and found a beautiful gown that night we had dinner and dessert with everyone, family in-laws and friends. As I was helping serve coffee and cake for 10 people, my mom started yelling at me front of everyone to get her coffee without ever offering to help.

Oh my gosh. Out of nowhere. I asked her to please be patient. We were going as fast as we could. Why can’t she get it? But this was all happening in front of my friends and my fiance’s parents. It was so embarrassing. My mother-in-law who lives outta state and wasn’t aware of all the drama, took this as a moment to ask me a few rehearsal dinner questions and showed us some pictures she took of the inn. She was being helpful and including my mom and aunt in the conversation. Thankfully, my friends were in the other room because my mom started dramatically making faces and sat beside my aunt who responded. With only one word answers. The mood was awful.

So they’re feeling some type of way and just being like cold and standoffish without actually like communicating, even though she’s trying to communicate to them, that just makes things like so much worse.

The next morning at 7:00 AM I got a text from my mom saying she wanted to speak privately. We had a group breakfast planned with both sides of the family, and she showed up early to catch me. In front of the others, she told me that my aunt’s feelings were hurt, that she wasn’t invited, and that I should quote unquote, do the right thing by either adding her or disinviting my little friends. She put that in quotes too. That is insane. For the record, my wedding party and I are all in our thirties. She said I was being disrespectful and ungrateful. She claimed my mother-in-law clearly expected my aunt to be invited. She didn’t and brought up again how my aunt helped pay for the engagement party.

I get the hurt feelings and I get it’s uncomfortable and I get, she probably expected to be there. I don’t know how close she’s with her aunt, but dictating that you need to be there. Or saying like, I need to be invited. Do the right thing. That’s not a right or wrong thing. Like I said, we all have our opinions on how we personally would do it, but like I said, I’ve been to weddings where rehearsal dinner is very small and that’s it.

But every family’s also different, different, I personally, if I had an aunt flying in, I would have them be at the rehearsal dinner. I do that for my own wedding. So, I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it’s the right thing and, to uninvite little friends because obviously she wanted them there and they were part of the wedding party. Oh my gosh.

She said I made her pay for my dress and the lunch that the restaurant was too expensive that I should serve people better when they come to my house. I was so hurt and overwhelmed. I walked out to the deck in tears. My fiance followed me and told me what she had said, or, and I told him what she had said.

He was stunned. He couldn’t believe how cruel and irrational she was being. My mom and aunt left after that with my sister. I stayed behind with my in-laws and my mother-in-law helped me while I sobbed. It was the first time I had ever cried in front of them, and I was beyond embarrassed about my family’s behavior.

To wrap it up, we went to one last dinner before my mom and aunt left town. My fiance paid for that too. My mom and I didn’t speak for a week until I called her and confronted everything. I gave her most of the money back for the dress and the lunch. She said there was fault on both sides that I hadn’t communicated well enough and told me I was in your corner until I read the article you sent. It said, anyone who pays for the engagement party should be invited over other guests.

Oh my gosh. So even if the article did say that why is it the one thing she’s pulling? She’s literally saying, this is etiquette. Like this is all who I want to invite to the party. She held onto that. I’m glad they’re having like communication now, but it sounds like the mom just didn’t really wanna hear her, and I feel like once the aunt came in and realized she wasn’t invited, that’s when she’s like, no, no, no.

I need to be invited. This is not done. This was not right. She said, I reread the article a dozen times. It never said that I couldn’t find any etiquette source that did. The mom is literally trying to. I don’t know what the right word is. Coax her into thinking that that’s what it said, because that’s so specific too.

Anyone who pays for the engagement party should be invited over other guests. Like what? I doubt that’s a thing because that’s such a specific thing. that’s, I don’t believe it. she said, so am I crazy or did I make a terrible mistake while planning my first wedding? I mean, at the end of the day, it’s your choice what you wanna do.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in it. Like I said, every bride’s gonna do it differently. It depends on your relationship with the person, the budget, location. you specifically only want that one location that has room for 25 and you’re like, this is what we’re doing, we added everyone up, that’s it.

Then that’s your choice. So you can’t really do anything right or wrong. again, if it were my wedding, I would do it a little bit differently. I would include the aunt, but I don’t know how big her family is. Maybe if you include that aunt. You also then have to include her husband and her kids and, their other cousins.

And their other aunts. I don’t know if it’s just one aunt. I’d be like, just include the aunt. The best I got from her was a half apology. She later told my sister she wouldn’t be planning anything else for me like the bridal shower. Luckily, some of my friends are stepping in, so I don’t miss out on the experience.

But honestly, that weekend, which was supposed to be joyful and focus on the wedding, was completely overshadowed. Oh my gosh. So that was, crazy. I feel like it was one of those where there’s a miscommunication, and people see how it should be their own way, they’re afraid to like.

speak up, but instead of just communicating, they’re gonna hold a grudge. So I think the aunt got her all upset about it And then they just, completely took it from her. Oh gosh.

All right guys. Well, that was a crazy episode. Thanks for hanging out with me but if you guys love this episode, do me a huge favor and tell a friend about it. Share it. because, you word of mouth is just the best way to get it out, and it’s just a fun new little segment we’re doing here.

I’d love to hear from you if you guys, have an idea for an upcoming episode, a new theme, something you’ve seen in, the media. Let’s talk about it. thanks so much for hanging out with me.

Until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. Bye guys.

by Christa Innis

The MOH Who Quit by Text, Tough Truths, and Vendor Confessions with Bethy Abdissa

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Not all wedding horror stories start at the altar… some start with a “best friend” and a suspicious text message.

This week, Christa sits down (again!) with wedding planner Bethy Abdissa for a raw, honest, and slightly unhinged look at what really happens behind the scenes… and yes, they dive headfirst into another jaw-dropping story that had them both saying: I’m sorry… WHAT?

From timeline disasters to emotional design moments (sticky note love letters on cocktail napkins?!) Bethy gives the inside scoop on what couples get right, and where things spiral fast. And when Christa reads a listener’s submission about a maid of honor who drops out via text? Let’s just say… the tea is piping hot.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:13 Diving into the Wedding Industry

03:23 Challenges of Wedding Planning

12:22 The Realities of DIY Weddings

18:00 Navigating Wedding Drama

35:56 The Joke That Went Too Far

37:24 Maid of Honor Drama Unfolds

41:12 The AI-Generated Message

52:28 To Invite or Not to Invite?

59:07 Wedding Vendor Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

MOH Drops It Like A Hot Potato – A maid of honor quits via text and the bride’s friendship spiral gets put under the microscope.
Vendor Confessions From Hell – Real stories of photographers missing key moments and caterers showing up painfully late.
Stress vs Preparedness – Why the brides who feel a little stressed are usually the most on top of their planning.
Overstepping vs Support – When “helpful” bridesmaids cross the line and create more tension than peace.
Emotional Design Done Right – From recreated love notes on napkins to guest experiences that hit straight in the feels.
The 45-Wedding Summer – Bethy’s busiest season yet and the chaos that comes with it.
Why You NEED a Coordinator – The forgotten hero who keeps your wedding from imploding in real time.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“That should be a T-shirt: DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.” – Christa Innis
“If they’re a little too calm, I start getting nervous.” – Christa Innis
“People always need something to pick at. It’s emotional support cheese.” – Christa Innis
“You never notice delays… until you’re cold and starving at your table.” – Christa Innis
“Those extra set of hands come very handy.” – Christa Innis
“If the caterer is two hours late, you just start praying.” – Bethy Abdissa
“No stop means I can get you to 125K real quick.” – Bethy Abdissa
“Flexibility matters, but boundaries matter more.” – Bethy Abdissa
“I avoided that DJ like the plague.” – Bethy Abdissa
“You’d rather lose a vendor than lose your coordinator.” – Bethy Abdissa

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Bethy

Bethy Abdissa is a dynamic wedding planner, content creator, and entrepreneur with a passion for storytelling and cultural inclusivity. Originally from Ethiopia, she moved to the United States 15 years ago and began her professional journey in finance and accounting. After realizing the corporate world wasn’t her calling, Bethy took a bold leap in 2022 to pursue her true passion: event planning.

With over three years of experience as a wedding planner and a lifelong love for party planning, Bethy now specializes in coordinating weddings across the U.S., particularly in the DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Minneapolis areas. She’s also diving into the world of content creation—sharing makeup tips, hair styling, wedding insights, and self-development reflections through her TikTok channel, @Bethy_Creates. Long term, Bethy is working toward becoming a therapist, bringing her full-circle journey of creativity, empathy, and purpose to life.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a great episode for you today. My wonderful friend Bethy is back. We had so much fun last time that I thought it was the perfect time to have her back on again. She has been a wedding planning for.

She has been a wedding planner for three years now and doing party planning for many years beyond that, she has a background in finance and accounting, but quit that life because she hated it. We actually met many, many years ago. We worked in the same office and she did accounting then when she was in grad school, and it was a pretty toxic job, but I’m so glad for it because that’s when we were connected those many years ago.

She not as many she does now. She not does content creations sharing, makeup sharing. She now also does content creation, sharing makeup, and a little behind the scenes in her wedding approach as well. We had so much fun hanging out and reacting to a wild wedding story per usual, but this one was a little bit different.

There was a lot of discussion to be had, and I’m still not completely convinced who the villain was in the story. So, that all being said, thanks for hanging out with me today and enjoy this episode

Christa Innis: Hi Bethy. Thanks for coming back.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Christa, for having me again.

Christa Innis: Of course. I feel like we just had so much fun last time, like catching up and hanging out. ’cause anyone that didn’t listen to last time, we worked together so long ago and then randomly I was scrolling on TikTok and I was like, that’s Bethy! Like, oh my gosh. It was such a toxic job that we worked out together. And so it was one of those where it was like, I like had always hoped to like see you again. And so it was like such a pleasant surprise to see you on the phone.

Bethy Abdissa: You, too. Yeah, I, when I saw you and I saw your channel and it was weddings, I was like, okay, this is kind of full circle.

’cause we were both, I was in finance and you were in marketing. Uh, and we all, both turned out to be somehow in the wedding industry. So…it’s funny.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like I’m like wedding adjacent now though, like I talk about weddings on here. I just changed my handle actually, because so many people thought I was a wedding planner, which

Bethy Abdissa: Finding planner. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I was like, ah, no I’m not. But I have been involved in a lot of weddings and events, so I just changed it. ’cause I feel like I’m, like, if anyone has real wedding questions, I’m like, ask a real wedding planner. Like ask Bethy, ask Wedding Pro casts. You know, like there’s all these other people I refer them to now because I’m like, I know what I would do, but I would not consider myself a professional in the wedding industry. I do like day coordinating here and there, and I’ve helped with like baby showers and bridal showers. Yeah. And enough blabbing of me

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, that’s good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It was kind of funny that we both kind of just like made our way into like weddings and stuff. I still do social media stuff, of course, like marketing, but, um, it’s different.

Chaos, DIY Disasters, and Planner Wisdom with Bethy Abdissa

How is your like wedding event planning business going? Like any, any wild things going on there?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, yes. So I probably had the busiest summer yet. I think between me and my team and my business partner, we did around, I would say 45 ish, uh, weddings this past season.

And I have my last four this summer. Yeah. Uh, I have my last one coming up in a few days, uh, for the season. So I’m wrapping up everything in November.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, that is amazing. So, are you talking like multiple weddings in a week? Are you talk like, how is that even possible?

Bethy Abdissa: So I would say about 50 to 70% of them are day of coordinating, um, gigs. But all of our day coordinating starts a month, even five weeks before. So, uh, I’m talking multiple meetings in a week. ’cause um, I’ve had, I’ve had, I think the, the least weddings I’ve had is just one wedding a weekend. Um, but like, I’ve had three weddings in a weekend. Um, back to back to back to back. That’s like almost 14 hours each day. Oh, yeah. I, it was. I think I, I didn’t, I didn’t fully conceptualize what it meant until like, the end of the season and I was like, oh my God, I did these many weddings. But like every weekend, like it’s, you know, trying to figure out what outfit to wear, ’cause you, you have another wedding tomorrow and the day after and you don’t wanna come at 1:00 AM and try to plan anything the next day. So it’s just like that. And you know, I also do content creation, so trying to incorporate that. And I still have so many weddings to post ’cause I wasn’t able to keep up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Are you just like completely spent after a three day or three wedding day? Weekends?

Bethy Abdissa: So Mondays I usually like, don’t have any meetings.I block everything out. I literally, my body is like, what did you do to me? So Monday is like a complete rest day. And then I get back to my meetings and everything on Tuesday. So. Yeah, it completely wiped. But on the day, like I’m on my feet, um, minimum I was doing is like 15, 17 K steps a day. So I guess I got my workout in.

Christa Innis: Oh my.Do you take like, like, okay, how do you get ready for the day and then throughout the day, how do you like, get moments of rest? And you might laugh being like, wait, what do you mean moments of rest? Like, do you like make sure you eat something? Do you, like, do you get to sit down? Like for the dinner? Like what are you doing to like, make sure you’re like checking in with yourself?

Bethy Abdissa: So for like, depends on the wedding. I can tell before the wedding if it’s gonna be, um. A chill wedding or if it’s gonna be, um, I’m definitely not going to eat anything, so I’ll probably eat in the morning and probably not eat the whole day. So like I kind of can guesstimate what kind of wedding it will be.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, and the thing is, like if it’s a stressful wedding, even if there is food, like I just can’t eat personally. I just, I’m not the type to sit down, relax and eat. Um, so I kind of like plan on it. It’s almost like my adrenaline is so high that I can’t eat. You know? But before like, um, taking breaks, it’s not more so intentional. I just see the vibe of the wedding. I, you know, I check on the bride and see, ‘hey, is everything okay?’ You know, just making, once I get, like I would say right after the dances is when I get to kind of sit down.

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Around 9:30, 9 o’clock-ish when I get to sit down and then by 11 I start breaking down some things. Um, midnight is, you know, usually between midnight and one o’clock is when the wedding’s over and then say my goodbye.

Christa Innis: So that’s like built into your contract typically like if you are a wedding planning or day of coordinating or both, you’re always there the before.

Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Because if they don’t, and, and, and depends on like if they needed me earlier, ’cause it is for 12 hours and if it’s more than 12 hours, they have to pay extra.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, so. I tell them you have 12 hours, however you spread out, that 12 hours is completely up to you. But I feel more relieved if, if I am at the end of the day, um, there, because there is a lot of like, they, you know, logistical things like, oh, did you know every, did, did they pack the gifts?

Right. You know, um, is the money with the right person and you know, the guest books, all that stuff. Just making sure I hand it off to someone. There is maybe one or two weddings where I left early because they needed me earlier during the day so that 12 hour mark was over. But then I made sure, like I at least had an assistant after me that stayed over ’cause they would pay me more than they would pay my assistant.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So when you’re doing these weddings, you have an assistant with you, at least one other person with you?

Bethy Abdissa: Depends on the package. Yeah. So if they, if I, if I can estimate that, like, oh, setup is gonna probably take more time. I say, Hey, I need an assistant, and they pay for the assistant.

Bethy Abdissa: sSo I, yeah, that’s an extra fee for that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Kind of like how a photographer might as well bring like a second photographer or something like that. Mm-hmm. Wow,

Bethy Abdissa: girl. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like mid, yeah. Majority of it. I actually did it by myself this summer, but I, I had maybe three or four weddings where I had an assistant.

Christa Innis: Wow. And when you say like summer, are you starting, like, starting like May as like, as like wedding season? In the summer? Are you mean like summer months? Like actually,

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So wedding started my f well, okay. I would say my team did a wedding without me. And so, you know, I, I also do Maryland, DC Virginia. My business partners in the East Coast, so we do both areas. Um, she did one wedding in January, so, um, there was one wedding in January and then hopped to, uh, we started starting March, March, April, um, and then May is when it gets busy.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Crazy wedding season.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Interestingly, August is actually a very off season.

Christa Innis: . Interesting. Do you think that’s because it’s really hot most places or they’re getting back to school, that kind of stuff?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so it’s really, um, it really hot or it really rains a lot of places. Um, even venues with pricing August can be cheaper.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I know like where, where I got married off season. What if you got married April or January through April? It was like a cheaper price. We got, we picked a March date. ’cause you could save, but like, yeah. It’s also like cold where I live. So they’re like, they’re like June, July and August like was their prime, but, or may, may, June, July, August.

May, June, July.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So August and November are considered like mid-season.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you have actually the high seasons are, um, September and October. I was insane. Insane. I did I think seven or eight weddings in September.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That makes sense. I feel like the most weddings I’ve been to have been in September.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s a very popular season.

Bethy Abdissa: Very.

Christa Innis: September and, and October is, I feel like good weather. It’s so pretty too, if you’re like outside or heavy view of outside.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Maybe because honestly like the, maybe it’s just, ’cause the older I get, some are weddings, they’re a doozy. They’re not, it’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard. Especially like if, I’m sure if you’re working when you’re running around, but like sitting there like I’ve been to a weddings like outdoor in July, out in the blazing sun. And it’s just like, when’s this over? Like, it’s, it’s hard.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I have horror, like horror stories. Like this summer I did a back to back wedding in Wisconsin. Um, and it was 97 and a hundred degrees. Um, the first wedding was where it was 90. It was like, I think a hundred between nine, seven and a hundred degrees. It was completely out, like both the ceremony and the reception was outside. Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: No air ventilation, no ac It was a pavilion. I cooked the whole day.

That’s all I’m going through.

Christa Innis: Was that June?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We, I, I live in Wisconsin. I think you knew that. Um, yeah. Yeah. We had a wildly hot summer. I remember we were supposed to go to a birthday party, a first, uh, a 1-year-old birthday party at the end of June. And we had every intention of going, but it was gonna be two hours away. I had, at that time, I had, she was almost, almost two and a half at that point. But we were gonna have to drive two hours. It was gonna be a hundred degree day, and it was at a park, and I made a last call decision. I was just like, I’m, I’m not gonna go. I don’t even know how that’s gonna work. I mean, my husband ended up going, ’cause there was, it was a family party, but I was like, I’m gonna take my 2-year-old in a car for two hours to a outdoor birthday party.That’s a hundred degrees. That just sounds miserable to me.

Bethy Abdissa: It is. And the bride couldn’t stay, like when the reception started, she’s like, I wanna take my dress off. So. That’s pretty much like the, I, I think like when you’re thinking about when in the planning season, and that’s why, like, I really encourage people like brides having a, a full planner because these are things we talk about when we are doing the full planning.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, once the day you get, you hit the day of coordination, I’m just there to facilitate what you’ve planned. Right. Right. So, and I see a lot of holes in the, in the planning, but it’s almost like I’m just mitigating what I can save on the day. Um, so like thinking about June and it’s a pavilion, like there’s no, like all the decor was flying, right? Like, uh, these are things that I’m like. So, uh, I am like, what the decor is flying and these are things that I’m like, like what? There’s on the day, like I can fix it and everything, but like, that’s why, like if you’re having a full planner, it’s also like the guest experience, like. Yes, you’re saving money, sort of, it’s not even that cheap, to be honest, to have a wedding outside. Uh, I did the math and I was like, you might as well have it inside. Um, but it’s like the guest experience is very important. Like I, not only do I have to deal with the planning and, you know, making sure everything’s okay, but guests are coming to me and be like, this, you know, it’s so hot. And like, and it’s like they’re, they’re looking at me as if I find it and I’m like, no, it’s not me. You know?

Christa Innis: As if you can solve the world problems in that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, yes.

Christa Innis: So, oh my gosh. Yeah, that’s hard because you, and you bring up a good point too, about a lot of times people see like the DIY weddings or they see like a tent wedding, they’re like, that’s so much cheaper. But I’ve been a part of those, both, both as like bridesmaids and as guests and day coordinator. And I’ve seen like a. It’s not a lot cheaper. The tent costs that if you’re adding a floor, if you’re adding tables and chairs. Plus, I feel like , too, you just think about, and some of the ones I’ve seen that are like the DIY type weddings, they’re paying more for all these different pieces to come together. Then you need more help because you’re not in like a venue where they actually have like people to set up stuff. So you’re either like having your wedding party do it or you’re hiring more people to come in, whether that’s servers or that’s people to put the tent together and you just don’t think about it a lot of times.

Bethy Abdissa: Or my favorite of all is a family’s gonna help set up. And I’m like, I know. Yeah. I’m like, nah, they don’t, they’re not gonna do it. Like I’ve, I’ve broomed mopped a weddings because family was gonna set up. When family was gonna break down. And I’m like, yeah, they don’t, they don’t do that. And so now that I am getting more experience and, and understand that these are actually just like hopes and dreams.

I, I mitigate those things by saying no. If you, if there’s any family involvement, I actually hire an assistant or charge extra for an extra person to be there while I’m there. Um, just because I’m like, I do not want to, first of all, I do not want to rely on family, but also I’m not the type that just be like, oh, you’re, you said your family’s gonna, you said your family’s gonna clean up, so I’m gonna go, you know, I’m not that type.

So I, I like getting my work done. And also like giving you a peace of mind. And usually peace of mind comes with a cost. That’s the thing, like with DIY weddings, I’m like, yeah, you can DIY when you apply, you’re doing it the whole time, but the stress that comes with it, the time that comes with it, um, the amount of stuff that’s in your house, like craziness, right?

Like to create one little, um, bouquet or whatever, you have to buy a bunch of things. And so, so when you account the actual expenditure, unless that’s something you really, truly enjoy and you’re crafty and your creative in that direction, it’s actually more enjoyable for you and your entire family if you just hire somebody to do it.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: You gotta think about the time put in. There’s always like the balance, like the give and take. ’cause like I remember the first few weddings I really helped with, like, they were like family, family, friends, a lot of them in the beginning. And it was like cricket was the big phase, right? I’m gonna buy a cricket, it’s $300, but uh, think of all the money I’m gonna save, right?

But then you think about all the time you’re gonna be cricketing, all these signs, all these things. And I was like the go-to cricket girl at one of these weddings I helped with. And granted everything turned out beautiful. It was a beautiful wedding, but I think they kind of underestimated how much power from everybody else they needed.

And it became this whole thing, this whole project for the family and all these like last minute costs, stress on family members. And when it came time for my husband and I to get married, I was like, I don’t want that from any, for any of our family members. I want our family members to be able to sit, have a drink in their hand, get some food, and not have to worry about like who’s tearing down, who’s setting up?

Oh my gosh, I do this. I’m like, I want you to look pretty on that day. Yeah. Enjoy yourself. Yeah. Like have fun dance to music. Yeah. Don’t be like, what? What’s my job? And no shame anyone that does that, if you know your family is helpful. ’cause I’ve, again, I’ve been a part of ones where it turned out beautiful and like my in-laws, like we, we did my sister-in-law’s wedding and it was beautiful and it was so much fun to put together.

She got really lucky on mother. Um, but I’ve also been a part of ones where it’s chaotic. It’s not put together. They, they, in their mind, they’re like, oh, my so-and-so’s gonna help me with this. They never asked so and so to help them. Mm-hmm. So then they’re scrambling at the last minute and it’s, it’s chaotic.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, it’s a hit or miss. And it’s like, uh, I think about it like, okay, what are they remembering from that date that they were working? The whole time they were sweating?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like literal, literally when they think about your wedding, they’re like, oh, the dance, they don’t remember the, the kiss or the ceremony.

The first time you, you know, the mom was putting the dress on. They have no memory of that because they were setting up. Yeah. And that’s, that’s why, that’s why I’m like, I, and I, like you said, I had phenomenal family members that really, like, I was so like chill the whole time. ’cause they were, they were really helpful.

Um, I just, that’s not my wish, I guess. But also like everybody does what they can with the budget that they have. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, and yeah, it’s funny because honestly until I was in my one friend, my one friend’s wedding and she said, I don’t want you guys to have to work at all as like bridesmaids. She’s like, I want you guys to have fun.

Like, I’m not having any of you like, have any jobs basically during the day. Mm-hmm. And that’s like the first time I like heard a bride say that. ’cause every wedding before that I’d been a part of setup, I’d been a part of all these things and I’m not complaining. ’cause again, I like that kind of stuff. I love being craft like.

You know, like we’re, we like that kind of thing. That’s why we’re in do what we do. But yeah. Um, many people like in wedding parties don’t like that stuff, you know? And so I felt like it was nice hearing that from a bride. Yeah. And then I just extra offered help for her. Like, I would just be like, Hey, do you want me to come over and help put together favors? Hey, do you want me to come over and help with? Um, I think I did like her guest book was like a globe and so like we did. And so involving myself that way. ’cause she was like, I don’t wanna make anyone feel like they have to work. And I was like, that’s kind of nice. That’s nice.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s nice to have those then you can help out more.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Because you want to, not because you feel obligated. Right?

BethyAbdissa:Yeah.

Bride, Mom, and Mayhem: Red Flags and Wedding Chaos

Christa Innis: I feel like we see that a lot. Um, have you had to be a therapist for any more brides or have any crazy stories of this summer that you wanna share that you can share?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, so many. I think I. Um, actually I feel like, uh, one couple I worked with really loved, like, because I’ve worked with them for a whole year, they hired me for a full service planning.

So just seeing them even grow in communication and really like, inspired me because I can, like the first day versus the last few days before the wedding, I was just playing back all the meetings we’ve had, uh, so far. And, and I do, and I do like interject sometimes when I, you know, and I can see like, you know, a little, oh, this is what I want, this is, and I’m like, um, what he is saying is, what she is saying is, you know, I do that still, but I feel like weddings can really create friction in relationship, like just the planning phase. Um, especially when you have a third person and you are still, you’re still voicing what you want ’cause you’re not gonna, ’cause this is your wedding, but you’re still trying to keep like your composure or you’re trying to look like you are, you know, you have your things together, you don’t wanna look like the crazy one, you know?

And so I think like that pressure of like trying to also be truthful, but also balance, like still remain professional with, when you have a planner, you can see like the authenticity, the rawness of the relationship, but also like, there’s a lot of understanding that grows. Um, especially because they’re from two different cultures.

And so, you know, there’s just a, a, a mesh of that. And I think that’s where I was like. Um, niching down as a planner for me, ha was, has been important, like trying to figure out what, what types of weddings I wanna master with my business partner. We’ve been going back and forth and it’s like, those are the places where we, I feel like we shined as a team just to like figure out what is the sa the, the sweet spot between two cultures.

Right? The men, especially like if you are obviously from a different country and getting married in the US there’s one, there’s a, a, a cultural, um, I would say fusion that happens from where you were to the US and then between the two of you. In addition to that, if there’s a difference as well, there’s an additional factor of like, okay, we, we live in America. I’m from this country. You’re from this country. And so like having that, like almost like a, a sweet spot between those three, figuring that out, but also you as a person in a relationship, um, you know, talking to your partner, which is like your, your future partner, right? This is just one day, but it feels like it almost is like a bridge to your new life that you’re creating.

So it’s like so important. It’s, and it, and it’s, I, I saw them grow and honestly, at the end I was like, you guys, I’m gonna miss these meetings. Like, I really am gonna miss these meetings because even though like the wedding’s done, I feel like I got attached to them as a couple. Um, and I can see us like going beyond just this wedding. Uh, I, I think I’ll remain in that, in that family for a while. Like, at, at least, at least until I marry off all their cousins, you know? But yeah, so just watching that, um, there were, there were times when, honestly what, like, drama wise, there were, there were mothers that were just too involved, you know, and I, I saw like a groom that was completely disengaged because of the mother’s involvement. He would barely attend meetings, um, and. And it’s just that that type of friction was happening. I don’t know if it was her wedding or the bride’s wedding, like there was like, oh, this is what I want. Like literally these are words I would hear from the mother. And I’m like, that’s not your wedding.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s interesting. I have to tell you and I wanna know your thoughts on this. Yeah. Like I said, I don’t do a ton of weddings anymore. I did like, I did, uh, one or two this year. No, I did one last year and I did two this year. Remember the year is like blended together. Yeah. But anyway, um, I had, and I do get consultations here and there and I’ll like usually do the first call, whatever, but I always wanna do the first call with the bride. Like the bride needs to be there. And I made it clear, well, I had a mother of a bride reach out. And she was so nice. This is nothing negative about the mother. But on the call, she made it clear that like she did everything. So like the things that she’d already done for the wedding was like done.

And I was like, oh, okay, is is blank gonna be joining us on the call? And it was like, no, she, she can’t make it. And so I, so to me that was like not a right fit because I’m very, like, my job is to work with the bride and groom or the couple getting married. Right. And again, I don’t take a lot of weddings in general, but I already knew off that call.

I was like, this is not gonna be the right fit if I can’t even get her on a call to talk about her plans and her vision for the wedding. And maybe she’s that kind of person that’s just like, mom, take the wheel and go. But what’s your take on that? What would you do if just like a mother of the bride or groom reached out to you?

Bethy Abdissa: See, that was my first red flag that I should have caught. She, um, yeah. And my business partner and I talk about it, and I’m like, that was like our, now that we’ve gone through it a couple of times, this is not our first rodeo unfortunately. Um, and so we’ve gone through it a couple of times. We’re like, okay, if the bride is not the person that is contacting us, and we request a bride to be there, and we can see that’s almost like a test of like how the wedding is gonna be, like the whole process of the planning.

Uh, I would say, I think there was a, there was, um, a desire for, and I took the call,for the business calls. I am the one who takes all the calls. So I, I think there was a desire of me to just like, get that business, but also make sure, because um, you know, I wanted to make sure that like, I wasn’t gonna say no, you know, like there was just like, how can I say no, da da da.

But like my instincts was telling me. It was gonna be a rough one, but I didn’t, I didn’t listen, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so I would say if you are a planner and you’re talking to a potential client, if it’s the parent, and you can, that’s literally how it’s going to be. Like, how you take the first call is probably how the whole conversation’s gonna be.

But now the other aspect is like, not only are you managing the mother, because at the end of the day, she’s not the bride. You have an additional person that you will get to at some point in the process, um, ask, you know, did you do this? Or do you want this or do you want that? And so it’s actually just more people to manage, more people to talk to.

Yes. Um, so it, it, it’s never like she’s completely eliminated from the process and the mom is taking over. That’s never the case, right? So it’s like, it’s, it’s more of like, you have two, two people. Then one’s not the bride. And then you have the groom and then also like you are the person that is trying to fix this.

And like I said, that’s the therapy place where you come in and you’re like, well, what do you want groom? You know? And you’re trying to include him because I feel like it’s not fair, but it’s not also like, do you care enough to make sure everybody feels a certain way or do you just do your job as in like just bare minimum and serve them and just, you know, move along. So I would say it’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it definitely, that’s it. I feel like it complicates it in a way I didn’t initially see, but it’s like, yeah, it’s like, think about like, um. I don’t know. If you’re just doing a job in general and you’re like, let’s say the bride is your boss, but you never actually meet her.

Yep. The other boss or whatever. And so when you go to that first day, you’re like, wait, who’s my, who am I listening to here? Because when I, like I said, when I work with someone, I always work with the bride or the groom. Right. I, I get on calls with them. I ask about their vision. And so that would be really complicated.

And, and I always say too, in the consultation call, I’m always like, it’s not for just me to see or it’s not for just like you to see me, it’s for me to see you. Like, let’s see if we’re good, a good fit. Can I help you make everything come true? Can I do all the tasks you have? Right. I agree. And I can’t meet you for that initial consultation. What if the wedding day comes and like, I’m like. This is just not a good match. Or like the brides tell me one thing that’s different than the mom, but she’s the one that’s paying me, but it’s her wedding day. And I’m just like, that’s just because you hear those horror stories like you do, and it’s just like, what do you do?

Bethy Abdissa: I, yeah, I definitely had a horror story. I don’t, I honestly, I’m not even sure I processed it enough to talk about it because it was just like such chaos, like in, in, in every, in every way. Um, but I think my team and I did the best that we could on the day. I don’t think there were that many issues, but the planning process, um, the just like.

Not even communication. Um, I would book or I would search for a vendor, but the mom has already booked another one. So it’s like, like stuff like that that kept happening. Can you imagine?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So yeah, that’s, yeah. So it’s like, and that’s also like causing double the work, right? Yeah. ’cause like you’re doing the work, she’s doing the work, ignoring what you’re doing, and then it’s like, why are they paying you to do this when she’s gonna do this anyway?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And then, or I would suggest a makeup artist and they would be like, no, da, da, da. And then two weeks before the wedding, they hired the same makeup artist I suggested. So it’s like, it was just, it was, I just counted the days for that wedding also, I’m gonna say.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But the thing is like, I love what I do. It’s, it’s almost like, um, a weird thing where the. It, the chaos doesn’t feel like chaos. It just feels like, oh, another puzzle. You know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: To be solved. So it didn’t feel like, um, I was actually more excited as the, as the, the problems were increasing, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. I think that’s fun. I feel like you’re in the right, the right business. The right industry. ’cause I, I see it like that way too when I, the rare occasions I do them, but it’s like, for my day, I’m like, I have everything listed out what I need to do. And then as like, it’s like, it’s almost like a game of like, what’s that TV show?

Like road rules or something or you’re like mm-hmm. Driving around, checking off this box. It’s like a sc Yes. Sometimes it’s kind of wild, but you’re like, at the end of the day, then you can just put your feet up and be like, all right, we did.

Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened.

Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get to this week’s story, I know we’re running kind of long on time.

Bethy Abdissa: I love, let me turn on the lights ’cause it’s getting dark. Sorry. No, you’re good. Because I didn’t know it was gonna get this dark. All right. There you

Christa Innis: are. No, I’m just kidding. Okay, so we’re gonna do a, a new segment this time and just rate on a scale of one to 10 from not important, not important to, very important in your as a wedding planner.

Okay. Okay. On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to you that the couple’s wedding reflects their unique story and personality?

Bethy Abdissa: It’s very important. Read. Read it. One to 10, you said?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say nine.

Christa Innis: Nine. How important is it for the couple to feel calm and stress free? Stress free throughout the planning process.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a six. I, I don’t think it’s that important because it’s normal to have some, some sort of stress. And actually I like the ones that are stressed because those are actually the more prepared ones. The ones that are not stressed. I find out on the day that they should have been stressed.

Christa Innis: I was thinking the same thing. ’cause if they’re a little too calm and collected, they’re not, they’re not thinking about what they have to do.

Bethy Abdissa: No. That freaks me out. I’m like, yeah. I’m like, no, my God, I got a lot of work to do. My first consultation call. I’m like, how, how is the planning process? They’re like, we’re, we’re done. We’re 99.9% done. I’m like, okay, let’s go through what you think is done. And then it’s not. Yes.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, how important is flexibility when with plans or budget, when plans or budgets change?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a seven. Reason I say a seven is a seven, 7.5. Uh, because yes, you should be flexible, but then you, the budget only changes because your want changes, right?

Like, we can do something that fits the budget that would just kind of being less than what you want. So the flexibility is there. But some, some brides and grooms have like, oh, our budget is 40 K, but then when we are spending, they don’t wanna know the numbers that we are spending. Um, so it’s like you really want to have.

A stop as a person, like you need to draw a line because if you don’t draw a line, I can get you to a hundred KII can get you to 125. We can get everything you’ve ever dreamed of. But the thing is like not having a stop will actually increase the pressure because especially the last bills of the weddings come up a month before, and so a month before when you’re paying it out, you’re like, oh, I didn’t know it was this much.

And so I would say it’s important, but the flexibility is important. But also having a boundary and saying, this is the number we are gonna stop with. This is also I think you have a life after a wedding.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Um, how important is it for the couple to have a detailed, realistic timeline leading up to the big day?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say again, maybe a seven or eight. Yes, it’s good. For your own sake, especially the get ready part, like I would say that your morning, your makeup, um, your bridesmaid schedule, those are the things that kind of trickle down throughout the day. So if you have that detailed, that’s nice. But I have brides that are in the wedding trying to tell me it’s at 7:05, we should be doing okay, calm down.

You know, like I don’t need that much detail of like how everything goes down because again, it’s not gonna be a hundred percent. Um, there are things that move around, but for the most part, like, like between five to 15 minute, um, like flexibility is important, but you know what ends up happening And this is why I am like, don’t worry, as long as we get to dinner, that’s always what I say. We get to dinner on time, everything else, don’t worry about it because people. Think people are gonna really dance. People don’t dance more than an hour. Like there’s only maybe one or two weddings where I was like, oh, these people are dancing. But more than an hour, an hour and a half people end up leaving the weddings 10, 10:30.

These are like my, my experience this whole summer. So I’m like, you could have just relaxed the whole day and just pushed everything a little, you know, spread it out. So don’t be so aggressive when it comes to like the, the, the timing. But I would say I don’t like keeping people waiting at all for ceremony or dinner. Like you need to be on time for ceremony and you need to be on time for dinner.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s what those DIY weddings too, when or when they start so, so early. Yeah. And then the girls are just in their makeup for two hours being like, you have nothing to do. I’ve been in weddings like that before, where you get your makeup done at 6:00 AM.

And then the schedule’s kinda weird or wonky. And then we were kinda just like left in the dust, like the bride and groom were off somewhere. It was still like two hours till the reception and we were just like sitting around like. All right. What do we do? Our makeup’s done, but like we can’t really go anywhere yet.

’cause the wedding’s not done and you kinda just sit around and then you’re exhausted. You don’t wanna dance, or you like maybe dance for an hour and then it’s like, yeah, you’re exhausted.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Up. I like the skeleton to work with, but I always change it. Like on my first meeting, I’m like, do you have a timeline?

They say, no. Great. I’ll make one for you. Um, if, if it’s, if it’s me planning the entire wedding, obviously I’m creating the plan, the timeline, but some brides come with a timeline of I’m doing like a partial or day of coordination. And then I look at it, I’m like, yeah, like even now, today, I, I, tomorrow I’m, I’m gonna have a meeting with the bride because I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.

There’s a 40, 45 minute that’s just sitting empty there. Mm-hmm. So like, those are things that I do, um, regardless of them having a timeline or not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s good. Um, all right. How important is it to design moments that feel emotional and memorable for a couple and guests alike?

Bethy Abdissa: Well, I love that. I mean, that’s, I, I try to do that.

Um, and, and in my consultation I ask, you know, what is important? How’d you guys meet? Is there something, something we can, um, recreate? I did like one wedding. We did, um, it was an Indian American wedding. It is every, um, she used to write her notes, right? And so like random notes on sticky notes, blah, blah, blah, like love letters.

Basically, they. They recreated it on their, um, napkins for, um, the alcohol

Christa Innis: and for, oh, that’s like a sticky note that he wrote on. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: So, but it’s on a napkin. I actually took some Oh, cute. Because it looks so cute. So all the letters, um, you know how much I love you, dah, dah, dah, dah. And he would sign it at the bottom with his handwriting, basically recreated it on napkins for cocktail and for, um, the bar.

So I like just

Christa Innis: that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, that’s, that was very nice. Or they did like, also, you know, those, um, deck of cards, those were their guest books. So, or every deck of card had a note from somebody and they were gonna play the card when they go home and they can see the notes. So, um, kind of like engaging the guests with also showing.

Their love story and the, and the whole process. So if, if I could do it, I would love to do it is I would say an eight would would, because it would increase the experience for the guests. But it could be a lot of work from the bride and groom perspective if they’re just like, I just wanna get married.

You know?

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I’m sure you learned that a lot in that first consultation to be like, okay, yeah, there’s someone that cares about the little details. Yes. And wants to showcase their personality. For sure. This person wants to check the box of these three things or whatever. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I love that.

Maid of Honor Meltdown: When Friendship and Wedding Plans Collide

Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. Are you ready? I’m excited. All right. Let’s do it. Three we, three months before my wedding, my maid of honor dropped out over text. Now, I’m not sure if I should still invite her to the bridal shower or even the wedding. Here’s some backstory. Ever since I got engaged, things with my maid of honor, let’s call her Mary, have been rocky.

At first, Mary seemed excited and offered help, but I didn’t really need much early on since I was just booking vendors, I’d tell her I’m good right now, or share updates about the venue, and somehow it always turned negative. For example, when I mentioned that guests would need to pay for their own rooms, she accused me of making a profit off the wedding.

What? And she under weddings, where they pay for the hotel. And why does she think the bride would be making that money?

Bethy Abdissa: That is weird. So some sort of coordination with the hotel, I guess, where the bride gets the money?

Christa Innis: I don’t know why she think, why the maid of honor would think that, which of course isn’t true.

She just doesn’t understand how expensive weddings really are. Mary and I have been friends for a long time. She’s been dating her boyfriend, we’ll call him Jim for a while. At one point I jokingly said, your next Jim, just playful banter. But months later I found out they were actually mad about mad at me about that joke and thought I was a terrible person for saying it.

We eventually made up, but things never fully went back to normal. I constantly felt like I was walking on]eggshells. Why would they be so mad at her for joking about being next, like pressure?

Bethy Abdissa: I think there’s a, there’s hidden animosity.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I know. I’m wondering like, because I feel like there’s always this thing with these stories where like, they were dating first and then they were dating, and so you can’t get engaged before me because we were together first, and I see these happen a lot.

So I’m wondering if like, the maid of honor was dating the guy first. Yeah. Something like he didn’t ask her. I don’t know. Yeah. Um, a few months later, I decided to make my college friend Julie, my matron of Ner. Okay. Is this before she dropped out and told Mary they could share the role? Mm, that’s why Mary’s mad. What are your thoughts on that?

Bethy Abdissa: Is is the story over? Oh, there’s a lot more. I mean, I feel like the bride, I could, first I was like, okay, made meat of honors and bride meat. They, they’ve, they’ve given me headaches this summer, so I, I was like, okay, I’m already like bridesmaids, bride, sweets problems. But when she said like, yeah, this is definitely, uh, I think she was pushing for problems to like, from the start, I feel like, because why would you even start the story from she dropped out and not actually start from here?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Because now I’m just confused as like, was your intention to already make her look bad? Because, and now you’re thinking of like, oh, it could be because they were mad then it was, because when I said this, she said that. So I, I’m, I’m curious to hear the entire story before I make my judgment, but now I, I, I see two problematic people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is wild.

Okay. I was nervous to tell her, but to my surprise, she seemed fine with it. Julie ended up being amazing. She helped with everything before I even asked, made planning easier, and kept me sane. Well, here’s the thing, I, I agree with you because I’m already seeing too, where she’s like, Julie, Julie’s up here.

She’s amazing. And then Mary over here has not been helping. But she said early on, Mary asked if she could help, and she said, well, I was just looking vendors. But now Julie’s helping with everything before she even asks. I think that’s overstepping. Yeah. Me personally, as a bride, I wouldn’t wanna bride me to come to me and be like, I did this for you without you asking.

I’d be like, no, no, thank you. So it sounds like she’s like giving Julie more reins to do things and mm-hmm. Maybe values her more as a friend. Yeah. Not long after I invited Mary to go flower shopping with me, and that went well, but when I asked her to help with a few DIY projects later on, it turned into a disaster.

We got into a disagreement because she has very strict values and I always tried to respect that. Okay. For example, I mentioned wanting to go dancing for my bachelorette, but she said she couldn’t go because of her relationship boundaries. Okay. That was fine. But my fiance said he didn’t love the idea either. You can’t go, I mean, teach the road. You can’t go. Damn thing. Okay. I joked to her, well, if you say no, then you can’t come to Vegas either.

You already know she’s feeling a certain way. Why are you joking at her saying that? Let’s just, that’s lie. Yeah. She threw it back at me saying I was being controlling. And when I tried to explain the context, she just kept arguing after that things seemed okay again, at least for a few weeks. I don’t think they’re okay. I think it’s like she keeps throwing, like digs at her expecting her not to respond and then she responds and the bride’s like, but, but what? I’m just joking.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Mm. I, yeah. The bride was, was uh, already. Interesting. I really didn’t see this coming. I thought, I thought it was gonna be the bridesmaid, but right now I’m, I’m for the bridesmaid, it just feels like, or the maid of honor, it just feels like she’s creating problems and trying to, okay. She doesn’t wanna go. Like again, why is there, why is there pressure there? If you already know her, you are making a made of, uh, her, you’re maid of honor for specific reasons. Either this person is close to you, you trust them, it’s somebody you want next to you, you’ve dreamt about this, blah, blah, blah, and you know them though, you like, how is their values gonna change for you overnight? That’s just not gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like, I know who I’m gonna ask to do certain things for my wedding. Right. That’s just it. And, and she’s not, it’s not like this person came up with her like values now overnight. This is just the person she is. And her fiance also said the same thing. So I’m, anyways, I’m really curious where this lady’s going.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. So she said, then out of nowhere I got an AI generated message from her

Bethy Abdissa: Out of nowhere,

Christa Innis: Out of nowhere, completely saying she was stepping down as maid of honor. Here’s what it said. Hey, first, I wanna thank you again for asking me to be your maid of honor. I’m just picturing like chat, GPT, like that meant a lot.

After reflecting more on where things are in my life in between us, I realized I need to step down from that role. This decision isn’t meant to hurt you, it’s just something I feel is necessary so that you can be fully supported by people who align best with your energy and vision. Right now, I think we’ve grown in different ways, and I don’t feel I’m the best fit to stand beside you.

The people sitting next to you should be the ones that are best for you. I’d be happy to come as a guest and support you from the sidelines. I truly wish you a beautiful wedding and joyful beginning to this next chapter. I mean, maybe she did use AI. We don’t know that for a fact, but. It sounds good.

Bethy Abdissa: Sounds genuine to me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, honestly, what else? What else do you want someone to say? I mean, she’s like, she wants you to be supported. Yeah. She knows she’s not in the place, or your relationship’s not in the place for her to be by your side. She’s respectfully stepping down. She’s communicating it instead of being rude and blocking your number.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, and she could have waited until last minute. Pushed it and made it about herself. Right. Like it could be, she wanted to be the talk of the wedding and, you know, leave a mark. So, so I’ve had bridesmaids do that like a week. Like I had a wedding this season, a week before the wedding. She said she couldn’t come.

Um, so there are, there are bridesmaids that do that. I honestly think this person’s, however bad the bride is trying to paint her. I, I am not seeing it.

Christa Innis: I don’t really see, I, I see this all as like a one is a lack of communication. Two, there was already some kind of animosity between both of them. I don’t think anyone’s like right and wrong or angel and demon, you know?

I feel like it’s like two friends that maybe had a falling out. Communicate to get right on the same page. ’cause this was, it says she dropped out three months before the wedding. So I feel like there’s, that’s still plenty of time. She’s respectfully saying like, look, things are off between us.

It would feel fake for me to be next to you and being like, Hey, we’re the best of friends. Especially made of honor. It’s not even just a bridesmaid roll. It’s made of honor. That should be like your closest friend. Um. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Someone who aligns with your values. And that’s what she said. She’s like, we are not aligned with our values.

You know? And, and that would be, and a wedding does show you that, by the way. Yeah. Like, it does show you like, ’cause some people are like, oh no, we are high school friends. I want her to be my bridesmaid. I’m like, are you sure? Because you probably don’t even know half of the things that she believes now. Like, you don’t, you don’t have the same values anymore.

People grow, people just evolve, you know, and it’s not a bad thing, right? Like, it’s not a bad thing at all. But who you want as a bridesmaid is not necessarily just a friend. Like, again, I think those, like even siblings, you don’t have to, you don’t have, like, someone you want as a bridesmaid is someone who doesn’t necessarily need to be your best friend. It needs to be somebody who can. Put their desires aside for that day, put their, um, wants aside and make sure you are, you know, taken care of. And they’re someone who is really good at organization. Like, let’s say your best friend is the worst, like not type I would say even worse than that. You don’t want her to organize your baby showers.

Your wedding shower’s just not gonna work. Mm-hmm. You are tasking her with something that she’s personally character not able to produce.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: You know what I mean? So yes, she could, she is your best friend and you love her for all the ways, but not the things that a bridesmaid or a maid of honor is required to do.

And that’s like when they say, oh, I want my sister. I’m like, the entire time I see them fighting the entire time bickering. I was like, nobody forced your you to make your sister your maid of honor. Right.

Christa Innis: They just think they have to like check that box. And I’ve even heard of so many parents, like pressuring, like, your brother has to be your best man.

Yeah. And it’s like, um, like this one guy in particular was like, my brother can never get anywhere on time. He’s never like, done anything. Like he, he doesn’t do anything for other people. Yeah. He’s always late. He, you know, all these things. He’s like, I cannot rely on him for anything. I don’t wanna be my best man.

But then the parents were refusing to come or pay for anything if he wasn’t gonna be the best man. It’s just like, why do people do that? Like, I don’t get that.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you would have a friend who actually shows up for that day who does everything, a best man does, but doesn’t get the appreciation or the place or the position that that best man is having.

And it’s like, hmm. It doesn’t make sense. Um, and those are the hard decisions that you have to make beforehand. Um, is this story over, this is interesting. I just, oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: There’s a little bit more.

Christa Innis: It’s not like a ton more.

Bethy Abdissa: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna go off. I was like, okay, let’s finish this topic.

Christa Innis: Okay. It says So in reply or talking about her message, she got, she says, it sounded so robotic that I immediately asked for more context because it didn’t even sound like her. Now you’re accusing her. I hate to come hard on like, people that like send in messages, because I think many times people expect I’m gonna be like, oh yeah.

Like they’re the villain. But I really try to look at it with open eyes and be like, okay, this is, I’m trying to be un as unbiased. I’m not involved in this. Right? Yes. Yeah. And so to immediate, if someone texted me a long, heartfelt message, whether it was AI or not, like, let’s take AI outta the equation.

Maybe someone helped her write it. They still took the time and they were communicating with you, right? Mm-hmm. And to be like, gimme more context. She was very clear. I mean, yeah, maybe she didn’t give specifics. She was,

Bethy Abdissa: But she could. Yeah, she could say, she could see where it was going. And not only that, it was just like a bunch of, it’s not one thing.

Yeah. She literally said, we, we are growing apart. Like we don’t have the same values. Like how are you going to specify and say here, there that it’s just, we are not the same people we thought we were. So it’s like, yeah. I think that the clarification question, all that was just, uh, I’m sorry. Like I was actually, I would say I was already biased against the bridesmaid ’cause I thought she was gonna be problematic because of my experience.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But I, I completely switched over.

Christa Innis: Mm. Okay. Let’s see. That’s when things got worse. She flipped it on me and said, I lied about a graduation party, a party, by the way, that my sister, my future sister-in-law, threw not me. It happened months earlier and Mary wasn’t invited. Apparently, she’d been holding onto that resentment the whole time.

Ah, now I, I just don’t know because she’s saying in this text it’s like values. But now she’s like, well, you went to a party without me. She kept accusing me of lying, but refused to say what I supposedly lied about. When I asked directly, she just repeated, you know what you did. I apologized, even though I genuinely had no idea what I was apologizing for, and she never responded.

Later I found out she’d been talking to Julie behind my back, complaining that wedding traditions are stupid and that she wanted to tell me directly. Julie told her not to. Mary also kept going on about how expensive everything was and twisted my words from another conversation claiming I called the bridesmaids fillers.

Oh gosh. That was completely taken out of context. Oh, oh. So she said it.

That’s why I always like, whenever people say that was taken outta context, and they’re like, oh, you have to like see the whole thing. I’m like, but was it said she?

Bethy Abdissa: She, she didn’t deny that she said it.

Christa Innis: So it’s like, unless you were quoting someone else, you said it.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I don’t know what context that would.

Be justified. Honestly, the thing is when someone says, you know what you did, I actually think the other person knows what they did.

Christa Innis: Oh, is that a hot take?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I, I gen and they’re like, I genuinely don’t know what I did, dah, dah, dah. I actually think they know what they did, and there’s things that are like beyond conversation.

Mm-hmm. To to almost like spitefulness where you, where you feel weird about what they like saying what they did, because it’s almost mind boggling that they did that. You know what I’m saying? Like, it’s like, I don’t even wanna verbalize what you did because you, because it was. It was so calculated. It was so thought, thought out that like, I really just don’t want to address it and name it because I can’t even believe you did it, but you know what you did.

Mm-hmm. And I genuinely have been in those situations. I’m like, yeah, this person, they know what they’re doing. You know? And it’s like me telling them almost feels weird. Like, ’cause we we’re across that point where if I say it, there’s no coming back.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, we’re

Bethy Abdissa: I’m just gonna, yeah. I wanna, I wanna move forward with some sort of a relationship with this person. So I’m just not gonna say it. They know what they did. I know what they did. Let’s just let it be.

Christa Innis: Mm. That’s a good point.

Bethy Abdissa: I, I can kind of see that. Yeah. Yeah. Because she wouldn’t have sent that message and say, you know, I, I would still wanna be a guest at your wedding. Right. I, I still would wanna come, dah, dah, dah, dah. She’s trying to sever whatever’s left off this relationship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: So she’s trying to let it die, you know, be cordial. Let me not be a bride, like a maid of honor, dah, dah da. I’ll be a guest, because again, this person could just be like, I don’t wanna come to your wedding. I don’t want anything to do with you, but she’s trying to suffer whatever is left.

But then the bride kept pushing and saying, what did I do? What did I do? And then she probably triggered into saying the things that she, she did.

Christa Innis: oh, okay. I, I can see that. All right.

She said, I had said I wanted to invite a few more people to the Bachelorette, and if some couldn’t come, it wasn’t a big deal, meaning the extras weren’t essential.

Not that I didn’t like them. Probably a poor choice of words on my part, but definitely not how she made it sound. Okay, so she’s saying like, to her pillar, other people to come.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know if that was a good choice of words either. Like, I don’t mind if they don’t come. You know, you could have said it in so many ways, but there were people that you wanted to be there and there were people that were actually fillers.

Christa Innis: yeah, I get what she’s saying, but yeah, you, yeah, you’re like, I’ve seen so many things happen. I, I can tell. And yeah, to kind of say like, she did say like, I don’t really care if they come or not.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, you could have been like, as long as five people are here, whatever. But no, it was more so like, oh yeah, those, there’s a specific group of people that you think if they come, you know, it’s just gonna look like a party because there’s more people there, but they’re not the core people that you want there.

As long as these core people are here, the other ones are dispensed. That’s what I’m hearing. Because why would you use that word? I I don’t get it. Like, I’ll be like, yeah, uh, we invited 20 people, 10 people come. Great. You could, you could say so many ways without using the word fillers. Fillers actually means what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Fiddler sounds like you just want a body there. You don’t body there. Who they are, what they’re doing, what they, yeah. Anything you just want a body. Exactly.

Bethy Abdissa: Exactly.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Last little paragraph here. It says, now I’m left wondering what to do. Do I still invite her to the wedding? Her whole family was supposed to be invited to, and the situation feels so awkward. I’m torn between wanting to be the bigger person and just be done with the drama all together. I, I don’t.

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t invite her.

Christa Innis: You wouldn’t invite her?

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t if I was in the bride’s position. The thing is like, although I feel like the bride is the problematic one in this situation, I feel like the bride is the problematic one.

Why would you want somebody there that you are gonna give a half, half-ass hug too? Like, you’re gonna be like, oh my gosh, she’s here. You’re gonna roll your eyes. Your bridesmaids are gonna be talking about her, what she’s wearing, how she’s acting. Like, again, if it’s my wedding, I don’t want anybody there that I am not excited to see.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Or, or I know is happy for me a hundred percent. And it doesn’t, from the bride’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like this person is a good person for her.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Even though I disagree that the bride is the problematic one. I, I don’t know.

Christa Innis: I feel like you have a very mature way of looking at it. Like, ’cause that’s true.

It’s like ultimately when it comes down to it, yeah. You want, you know, clean air, you want someone, people that are there to support you. Yeah. Um, and not saying that girl said she didn’t, I mean, she just said she doesn’t fully support her and doesn’t wanna like be by her side for like me. It’s like, it’s so individual and like, since I’m not there, I don’t know how the relationship is in person.

I’d be like, since the girl said I’d be happy to come as a guest, then you put it back in her court and you invite her and she can then make decision. If she ultimately is like, Hey, I’m sick that weekend, you know, can’t come. Yeah. Then. Nail in the coffin then you’re just agree. Um, it’s hard too when it’s like, obviously if you’re gonna invite her family, you were probably close to her family as well.

Yeah. And it’s even harder, it sounds like you guys grew up together.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But I think, um, yeah, it just sounds like one of those friendships that are maybe just like diverging, you know?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And I, and I think like when you think about like the, the bridesmaid said, I was gonna come and I wanna support you as a guest, you know, that was her intention.

Um, but if, if, if it wasn’t, if I was the bride in that position, I would’ve just invited her and stopped it right there. But the conversations that went back and forth would make me second guess. Like I just, I guess where I’m at in my life, I think is also a projection of sorts.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, I really, um. As a person who used to be married, um, and now I’m actually engaged, so,

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Congratulations!

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, thank you. Um, I wouldn’t want anybody that I literally see and have second thoughts of like, or any, any sort of uncomfortable situation. Like I’m really like, I don’t know if it’s like. Age, or I don’t know, whatever’s in the air like I have almost zero tolerance for any sort of second guessing in my life, even with friendships.

And, uh, I completely did a 180 on all my friendships. Literally cleaned house, I would say in the last three years. And just went through like, oh, these are things that I’ve just been like passive about. So I’m not passive about who is my friend and who is not anymore. I think it’s coming from that. So I might be projecting a little.

Um, but like I would rather have 50 genuine people that truly want my, you know, to me to be happy in my future, to be beautiful than to just have fillers.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, no, you know what? You make a really good point of, uh, ’cause I was only thinking about the initial text, the follow-up text. I’m just putting myself in the bride’s shoes, whether she’s right or wrong in all this.

Um, you know, I’m sure there’s things we don’t know that happened between them, but her saying, um, you know what you did. Like if a friend before my wedding said, well, you know what you did, I’d be like, alright, I’m not, I’m not playing this game. That aside, if a friend said that to me, whether I thought I was guilty or not, God, I hope not.

Like I hope I wouldn’t do something like that to a friend. But let’s just say that’s what she said, and the bride thinks she’s a hundred percent innocent then. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I don’t think she shouldn’t invite her, because you’re gonna be wondering, it’s gonna be catty, it’s gonna be bridesmaids me like, oh my gosh.

That’s the, that’s the girl she dropped out. Oh, she was talking crap about you behind your back. You know? And so at that point, can you move forward? You’re gonna need to like really hash everything out or wait till after the wedding and do that. But I, yeah, I, I don’t think you should. Yeah. But you not inviting her is also gonna be the end of your friendship, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: I think it, it, it sounds like if I was in the brides position, I would get to the bottom of it before inviting her. Like whatever she thinks I did, I need to know verbatim. Um, I would be like, okay, what is it? We are going to talk about it, we’re gonna chat about it. But if it, the conversation ended where the story ended, and I still, I’m, I’m going back and forth about inviting her.

It’s an immediate no for me. Mm-hmm. Um, but like, if we can come to a resolution, a conversation, because then it, it is over already. Like I feel like the friendship is over whether I invite her or not. If we don’t come to a resolution here because you, you are not supporting me on my biggest day of my life.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah. And why s why invite someone that we’re not gonna have a future anyway? Yeah. I don’t wanna send pictures if it’s gonna make me upset or something. Pretty much, yeah. I also get too, like if they’ve just been hanging onto a thread because they know each other so long, maybe they’ve been fading and they only, she only asked to be a maid of honor.

’cause how long they’ve been friends. I’ve been at that point in friendships before where like it’s just the final straw. Yeah. And I’m, I’ve exhausted all resources up here, spiritually, mentally, physically. And I see that last text and I’m just like, yep. That, that about did it. Yeah. I, I’m done with this friendship, I’m not gonna even try. So if that’s the case, if you are even like, consider questioning it, then Yeah. I think it’s just a no.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Agreed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Love that. We talked that through like we were their therapist. I’m like, picking up your therapist vibes.

Bethy Abdissa: Love it. Yeah. I, I think I need to do more of these like, reactions of like weddings and stuff like that. Even for my content, I’m like, I think I, I enjoy it so much. Um, but also like it’s so nice to just see it like firsthand and like literally in life to there. Yeah. The bridesmaid, if someone says, I have seven or eight bridesmaids, I’m like, uh, we have one or two problematic people say four, four is the sweet spot, like, say four please. And I’m like, oh, thank God.

Christa Innis: I had nine.

Bethy Abdissa: Really?

Christa Innis: I would say a wedding once with 12.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, Jesus.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So mine was even the biggest outta my friends. But I’ve been also in weddings where there was three bridesmaids. Oh, and they were problematic.

Bethy Abdissa: No. Yeah. No, I had, I think my first wedding, I think I had eight or nine too, and it was chef’s kiss. So Yeah. It’s not, it’s not a one size fits all for sure.

Christa Innis: No. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve also said too, like if I got married like years ago, like Yeah, like early twenties, I think it would’ve been bigger and there would’ve been some bad apples in there for sure.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then within that time, and then the time I got married, a few had been dwindling away and yeah, I think so. I think we cleaned house before that, but yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

When Photographers, Caterers & DJs Drop the Ball

Okay, before we go, I’ve got a couple of confessions that people send me. Okay. And we’ll react to those and then, okay. Exciting. Okay. I can’t read the small print. Okay. Um, this is about wedding vendors. Confessions. Okay.

It said photographer didn’t get a picture of me and my now deceased father walking down the aisle. I would hope, well, that, I feel like the photographer would always get photos of walking down the aisle. So that would, that’s a definite mess up on their part. I would think so.

Bethy Abdissa: That’s weird because it’s not the only, but they took photos of them, like walk with the bridesmaids, walking the, like everything else but her and her dad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s what I’m guessing. And some photographers I find you have to be like, really clear. Like, don’t miss this. Don’t miss this. ’cause I’ve been to weddings too, where photographers like had a contract but then like they did not do what they said they were gonna do. And if I had been more involved, I probably would’ve said something, but like, like one, they were like, oh, I’m gonna bring an assistant, like my second photographer.

Never brought an assistant, but they still wanted the full payment and then they just like paid just to like get them outta their way. And I’m just like, no, I never would’ve paid if they said they were being an assistant. They didn’t. So some used to be like really clear, like, this is the, these are the photos we want. We don’t wanna miss these. But yeah, that sucks.

Um, this one says our caterer showed up over two hours late, didn’t have one of the special request meals we asked for.

Bethy Abdissa: I’ve had caterers come two hours late too. What do you do? You just start praying, you know, that’s literally you, if you believe in God, that’s when you need to chip in any of that conversation at that moment.

I like they, they came to, they came on time but didn’t set up. I’ve had one, one wedding where she literally lied to me. The, the caterer lied to me about why she didn’t come on time and said, oh, you said it was four o’clock. And, and I have multiple, not only on the contract, but multiple text messages. I was like, you don’t need to lie.

Right. And then, and then basically I was like, I just need to get this done. Just set up. I don’t wanna hear anything. Right. No excuses. Yeah. Just, just set up right now. And then I had one where they’re like, oh, we’re, what time is the cocktail? And the cocktail’s almost over. Um, so what you do with that is basically I just finesse, like, I just like, okay, go past the appetizers and not set up right.

Like the last 15 minutes they passed the appetizer. Um. They’re two hours late. That means, you know, you just have to push things maybe a cocktail hour longer. That’s what I would do as a planner. I would just get people more drunk.

Bethy Abdissa: So that they, you know, so then people don’t realize what time it is. And you know, I’m like, okay, well I’ll talk to the bride and groom and be like, okay, we’re gonna have to pay extra hour for the cocktail hour because yeah, caterers late.

And then we push everything an hour. Um. And then with the special meal request, I mean, I would say like some sort of conversation would, can, can happen after the, the event with the caterer. Um, most brides and grooms are super lazy to come back and say, Hey, our contract said this, that, um, but I would highly urge, uh, bride and room to go back and say, you know, we need to figure this out.

But yeah, two hours late is the most probably annoying thing more than the one meal missed , um, because that’s more people that was affected. But with the one meal missed, if I was a planner, I would actually go to that person, order them a food.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Got get a a, like a DoorDash or Uber Eats or something. And I would serve them as a, like a specific special food for them.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: If I was a planner.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I would say the only time, like you made a good point, like if there’s like appetizers and open bar, like people are hanging out, usually don’t notice. The only time I did notice was when there was a weird gap between the ceremony ending, ending in the reception starting, there was like a three hour gap in like this random town.

And so they went everyone back by like six o’clock for dinner, right? So he had us all get in, get to our tables, and then we sat for another hour. And I remember just being so hungry it was cold in there. ’cause you know, like usually you can like get happy hour, you’re getting like the vibe going. But like we went from like going then outside and like a December wedding. Back in. So that made it more obvious. ’cause we’re already sitting at our tables like waiting, no s going. But for the most part, if there’s like already a DJ or there’s like something happening, people aren’t gonna, yes. I feel like two hours is a long time though.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I always say have a cocktail hour. Even if you don’t, you’re not a drinker. You know, some of my brides and grooms are not like alcoholic or it’s dry wedding, I would say, you know, you can get, um, mocktails and soft drinks and, you know, even like fried foods, whatever it is. Yeah. Having some sort of food during cocktail hour is such a buffer.

It’s, it gets people in the mood like it, it’s such a good transition. Like I say, oh, every time they’re like, oh, we don’t have a cocktail hour. I was like, I’m just saying the guest experience is not going to be there. Like, people are gonna not gonna be excited about this. So

Christa Innis: I think people are always looking for some kind of refreshment after.

Yes, yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Doesn’t have to be an open. You could even have cheese and crackers and you know, from a grocery store, whatever. Absolutely. People need, people want something to like pick at, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: Agreed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right, last one. Um, let’s see. There’s so many here to choose from.

Um, gave the DJ a set list and timeline. He ignored it all.

Bethy Abdissa: DJs, DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.

Christa Innis: That should be a T-shirt.

Bethy Abdissa: Genuinely had, like, I had the best DJs and I had the worst this summer, so there was one who like, basically he rearranged the schedule, did not talk to me, goes back and forth with the bride, creates the schedule, and I’m like, oh guys, it’s time for cake. And they’re like, oh no, the DJ already moved the stuff.

So I’m like, basically. As the coordinator, I was be like following directions from the DJ and it was took over and was just like moving stuff. Yeah. And I, I, I avoided him like the plague the whole night. I just was like, if I talk to you, I’m a, I’m probably not gonna say nice things, so I’m just gonna, you know,

Christa Innis: I like keep my vibes high.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, I I don’t wanna do the non-Christian thing to do, so Please like, move away. So pretty much I avoided him, but I, I also let the bride and groom know, because I was like. What’s the point of me, you know? So, um, unfortunately, I, I try to break the ice. I do an email, uh, a couple emails before the wedding.

Hi, I am bey, da da da. I’m the coordinator. Here’s the schedule. If you have any questions on the day, I’m the person. I also make sure that all the vendors get meals, um, and that’s something we can talk about a different day. ’cause I, I, that experience was insane. I had a few experiences where the bride and groom are like, oh no, we’re not paying for meals.

Uh, so I make sure during my, you know, meetings with the bride and room that the, the all vendors are fed and all that stuff. So, and then on the day I actually supervised with the catering team to make sure, you know, the DJ usually eats at their, um, station. So I make sure they get everything and then. All the harshness, da, da, da kind of dies usually.

And that’s where I build a bridge. So they’re like, okay, Bethy, you know, let’s talk about it. Or they communicate with me before they do anything.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: There, there’s just one incident. It’s just, I was like, if the bride and groom are happy, I don’t, I literally stepped away. But it seems like from the situation that DJ did not do what he needed to do, um, I usually, again, they probably didn’t have a coordinator.

That’s all. That’s what it is, like. Mm-hmm. It’s the most like forgotten vendor, but I promise you it is. You would rather. Honestly, you would rather lose one of the vendors before you lose a coordinator. Because if you had a coordinator, you told her that I would’ve pulled up. I usually do a rundown of all the stuff that we talked about.

So I would do, like, do you have the music that they ask for? What’s the music for? Um, the procession, the recession. I do all this stuff beforehand, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Or on the day we would’ve been able to fix it if the, you know, some music wasn’t supposed to be played and the the DJ played it.

So hire a coordinator. Like it all ends up being hire a planner slash a coordinator.

Christa Innis: Yes. Can’t say it enough. Those extra set of hands come, come very handy. Yes.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes. A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming back on Buffy as always. Thank you. Pleasure hanging out and chatting with you.

Always good to see your face.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Krista. Thank you to everybody for just, you know, hanging out with us and chitchatting about weddings. Uh, Krista, I appreciate your time and your genuineness. Um, thank you for reaching out again and I hope to come back with more stories. I’ll have specific stories.

I just have, I haven’t processed the summer, you know, it’s, it was so much so I’m just like, I need to write it, blog it, you know,

Christa Innis: you need to like journal after these weddings,

Bethy Abdissa: that’s for sure.

Christa Innis: Where can everyone follow you and find your awesome content?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so on Instagram it’s K Blossom events. It’s K Blossom under events.

That’s my business page. Uh, but both on uh, Instagram and on TikTok, um, Bethy creates. Um, and yeah, thank you guys for watching. I appreciate you. Thank you Krista. Thank you.

by Christa Innis

Rules of Engagement, Hot Takes, and A Sister Rivalry with Lucette Brown

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Ever been caught in sibling competition over life milestones?

In this episode, Christa Innis and Lucette Brown dive into one listener’s wild tale of wedding conflicts. They cover topics such as handling toxic relationships, sibling rivalry, and balancing personal happiness with family expectations. The episode also includes unpopular opinions on wedding traditions, a humorous take on wedding speeches gone wrong, and the pressures of planning events. The episode ends with a rapid-fire Q&A about event planning and a heartfelt discussion on maintaining supportive family relationships.

Join Christa and Lucette Brown as they unpack jealousy, toxicity, and the importance of support in family dynamics—plus, discover how to survive wedding chaos without losing your sanity.

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Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:51 Weather Talk: Melbourne vs. Midwest USA

04:07 Life in Chicago

04:59 Lucette’s Career Journey

06:51 Balancing Motherhood and Career

10:30 Unpopular Opinions: Relationships and Weddings

23:27 Event Planning Rapid Fire

33:40 Accidental Committee President

35:00 Mom Life and Time Management

37:14 Wedding Story Submission

41:23 Sister Rivalry and Wedding Drama

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Engagement Jealousy – Listener feels overlooked as her sister gets proposed to first despite being “less established.”
Diamond Drama – Comparison of a real diamond versus an Etsy ring sparks tension and hurt feelings.
Dress Appointment Feuds – Fat-phobic comments create conflict between sisters during bridesmaid dress shopping.
Wedding Route Differences – One sister chooses Vegas elopement while the other plans a traditional wedding, escalating rivalry.
Maid of Honor Dispute – Listener isn’t chosen as sister’s maid of honor, highlighting boundary and favoritism issues.
Family Dynamics & Toxicity – Pent-up anger and competition reveal deeper familial struggles.
Lesson in Support – Christa and Lucette discuss the importance of healthy boundaries and emotional support.
Wedding Speech Nightmares – Confessions of inappropriate, cringe-worthy wedding speeches illustrate common wedding missteps.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Everyone has different boxes to check, don’t compare your journey to theirs.” – Lucette Brown
“Your feelings are always valid, but toxicity isn’t excusable just because it’s family.” – Lucette Brown
“Let them be, sometimes you can’t force people into your bubble.” – Lucette Brown
“If you’re unhappy with someone, either hash it out or step back.” – Lucette Brown
“Just because someone’s your sister doesn’t mean they get a free pass to hurt you.” – Lucette Brown
“If they can’t handle celebrating each other, just be guests at the wedding.” – Christa Innis
“Pent-up anger doesn’t mix well with a bridal party; it’s a recipe for disaster.” – Christa Innis
“It’s not about the diamond or the dress, it’s about who makes you feel supported.” – Christa Innis
“Don’t hold resentment on your wedding day. Life’s too short for that.” – Christa Innis
“Sometimes, cutting ties temporarily is the healthiest choice for both sides.” – Christa Innis
“Not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Lucette

Lucette Brown is a marketing professional with over 15 years of experience in the industry, focusing on digital and interactive channels. She has worked with senior staff members to achieve record sales, company growth, and strategic objectives. Lucette has extensive experience in wedding and event planning, which she translates into creative content through her TikTok and Instagram account. She also has training from Second City and iO Theater in Chicago, where she developed her storytelling skills. Currently based in Australia, Lucette continues to work in marketing and create content about the wedding and events industry.

Follow Lucette

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we have got a great episode for you today. Lucette Brown from Events and affairs is back and it’s well to think. She was actually my very first guest ever on the podcast, and we are coming close to a year of the podcast, which is just wild to think. The first episode came out January 23rd of this year, 2025. As I’m recording and yeah, we’re almost at a year of when it came out Les and I feel like I just talked to Issa. I mean, we see each other online all the time in chat, but um, it was so great catching up with her and we read a very wild, very long, very detailed story that I feel like you guys are gonna really get a kick out of because our opinions we’re very aligned in our opinion, but it might not be.

This response, you guys might think. So, uh, we got a lot to share, a lot of wild stories. And as always, Lou and as always, Lucette just has a lot of great stories and great opinions of per sleeve. So, without further ado, here is my interview with Lucette. Enjoy.

Christa Innis: Hi Lucette. Thanks for coming back.

Lucette Brown: No worries.

Christa Innis: I feel like it’s so funny ’cause we’ll always like start recording or we’ll start talking when we first hop on. I feel like we had a full conversation, but I’m just so happy to have you come back on. I’ve got my, yeah, thanks for

Lucette Brown: having me.

Christa Innis: Busy mom chic right now because we’re recording to match up our time zones.

You’re in Australia, which is awesome.

Lucette Brown: Yep. sunny in the afternoon here.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because you’re about you you were just saying you’re about to hit summer in Australia. Yeah, right.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Not that, I mean, I’m from Melbourne, so summer is a loose term at the moment. It’s been torrential rain. I feel like we’re still in winter, the rest of the country’s in summer, almost in summer.

Christa Innis: Oh God. is it kind of like cold and then rainy and then a little bit of warm weather? Or is it kind of just a mix?

Lucette Brown: no, Melbourne’s just all over the joint with its weather. yeah, we say that Melbourne is literally the four seasons in one day. and like, at my workplace, I’ll be chatting to my colleagues that are, you know, interstate and stuff.

They’ll be in Queensland and they just have beautiful sunshine weather. And then, you know, US people in Melbourne are just always rugged up.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You like never know what we’re gonna get.

Lucette Brown: No. But then we’ll get like, you know, two weeks of just like 40 plus degree days.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And

Lucette Brown: then we’re all just dying from the heat.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Four. Okay. So 40 degrees Celsius.

Lucette Brown: Celsius, yes.

Christa Innis: Gotta be little. What is that? 80? 80 degrees. I looked that up. 40 degrees.

Lucette Brown: I dunno if fa I think Farran has a little bit than four.

Christa Innis: Whoa. Okay. It’s really hot. Yeah, I’d be inside. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I used to be able to tolerate hot weather so much better when I was younger.

And I try not to complain now, but like, I can’t handle it as well. I get sick.

Lucette Brown: I’m not built for the heat.

Christa Innis: Ugh.

Lucette Brown: Like I’m built for, you know, Scotland Island. I’m not built further. my body is not built for the, hot climate, but

Christa Innis: Oh my. Here we are. Here we are. We just do a with. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I’ll go out with sunscreen on and I’ll come back.

Burn.

Christa Innis: Oh. So,

Lucette Brown: oh

Christa Innis: my gosh.

Lucette Brown: I need sunscreen layers and shade. Get, I’ll make good.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, that’s so funny. I know, like where I live, I’m in the suburb or I guess like the Midwest of the United States. I was like, trying to think of what suburb, and we kinda get all the seasons too. Like you never really know what you’re gonna get.

Like we’ll get cold summers and then sometimes we’ll get. We won’t get snow until like January or February. So I don’t really trust any season anymore.

Lucette Brown: No.

Christa Innis: You know what, take it day by day. We had 80. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Everyone’s like

Christa Innis: until October this year. So

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Everyone’s like, what season are you? I’m like, I don’t know.

It’s still cold.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So what’s is that In Chicago.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m not in Chicago. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but I’m like, I’m like two and a half hours from Chicago now.

Lucette Brown: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause that’s, I lived in Chicago for almost a year.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, we talked about this. That’s awesome.

That’s, you did, that’s of fun city, didn’t you?

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Second City improv, IO theater, all that kind of stuff. So I just lived in, old town.

Christa Innis: Okay. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, I was just there downtown last weekend and I haven’t had like a full day in Chicago in a long time. I met with my best friend there and no kids, no husbands, and it was just like,

Lucette Brown: oh, fun.

Our

Christa Innis: oyster. Like, what are we gonna, it was almost like we’re so used to like, momming or just having schedules that we were like, what? What do we do? What do we do?

Lucette Brown: What do we do? Well, our oyster, we can do whatever we like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It was wild.

Lucette Brown:

From Weddings to Motherhood

Christa Innis: So for anyone that did not listen to your previous episode that you were on, you kind of done a little bit of everything.

I know you did events as well. Can you just give a little rundown of who you are, what you do, what you have done, and

Lucette Brown: Yep.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Mixed bag. well, essentially I was in the. Wedding and event industry for just over 13 years. so my very first job was a very kind of mixed bag. So it was at, I suppose I can say the places, ’cause it’s not like I’m working there now.

I never know like whether you’re allowed to say, but I’m like, you could easily find it if you were just to do a quick Google search. So, my first job was at the state library, of Victoria. And that was a very kind of mixed bag of like music concerts, press releases, weddings, lots of different things.

it became very popular, when sex in the city became big and Carrie got married, at the state library, but married, she got left at the state library, but a lot of people wanted to be like her. So it was funny, our inquiries. Went through the roof, for that. ’cause it had like the marble staircase and everything like that.

So a lot of people wanted like the sex and the city moment.

Christa Innis: So it looks like the wedding that she had, are we talking the like with big

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Where she gets left?

Christa Innis: Yes. Was that so it, I know,

Lucette Brown: uh, yeah, similar. So it’s got like the marble staircases that lead up to, like the old 1850s part of the state library and stuff.

so like very different but also similar parts of it. but yeah, so then, you know, went to lots of different places and then, Kind of left the Melbourne City area and kind of worked at venues down, I live on the Mornington Peninsula, so, down this way. And then, yeah, just kind of really honed in and just focused on weddings.

and then, yeah, had my daughter and tried to juggle a little, but the 14 hour days just weren’t, just, wasn’t it anymore. So I lasted until she was probably about six months and then yeah, did a bit of a career change.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a lot. Especially like when they’re so small and you’re trying to balance it all.

And like you said, 14 hour work days, that’s a lot.

Lucette Brown: Just not, just not it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So it was a bit hard to kind of, because I suppose for me, like the weddings and the clients were kind of like my babies in a sense. And then, yeah, once I kind of had a baby, I couldn’t. give them everything that I was so used to being able to give.

so yeah, it just, it was at a crossroads and it was just kind of like, no, I need to. I need to stop this while it’s still, you know, good and, you know, ending on, on good terms and stuff. and then, yeah, just kind of pivoted. Not to say I won’t ever get back there. for now my life kind of needed to change a little bit.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m glad you were able to like, figure that out for yourself and make that change. ’cause I feel like it’s hard to have that realization. ’cause I feel like after you have a baby, it’s like your priorities change in different ways. Mm-hmm. You don’t always

Lucette Brown: expect so much.

Christa Innis: I remember like when I was pregnant talking to a friend that just had a baby who owned her business, and I was like, I don’t know how I’m gonna work and take care of a baby. No. she’s like, something clicks where like your priorities change. And then when you do have time, you’re present with them when you have free time, she’s like, you’re just very focused.

You’re like, let’s get this done while you have time.

Lucette Brown: Oh. I say, yeah, there’s no one more productive than, a mom. Like, you know, I look at like how long it used to take me to get things done at like my jobs and stuff. And now I’m just like, man, I wasted a lot of time. I know,

Christa Innis: I know. It’s funny ’cause someone was just asking me like, they’re like, what does your work week look like?

And I was like, honestly, no two weeks are the same. I said, but when I get a good two hours that I know I focus, I just like B boom, boom. Yeah. Nothing else can bother me.

Lucette Brown: You can smash a lot out.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like I used to be the person where if a text came through I had to respond right away. Now I can’t entertain a text because I know I’ll get distracted and you’ll get lost in the realms of your phone.

I’m like, if I’m into something I have to just like focus or else I get too.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or two shiny things. I’ll just be like, oh. And then I, they’ll be like, um, hello? And I’m like, oh, I’m so sorry. Circling back.

Christa Innis: Yes. like I did for this, um, invite to our Zoom call. I literal

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Well, and yeah, and me responding to your message.

Christa Innis: Wait, we, I was like,

Lucette Brown: oh, I haven’t heard from Crystal.

Christa Innis: Well, we like booked. It’s

Lucette Brown: like, that’s because I haven’t responded. That would be on me.

Christa Innis: No. But I, I looked back and I created it for Monday. So the day I sent the link, I created it for that day. And I was like, girl, what are you doing? But it’s just one of those things, like,

Lucette Brown: I was actually sitting here at 11:00 AM my time, and I was like, already. And I’m like, Hmm. And then it’s like, oh, that’s not the right time. And then you popped up and I was like, oh, well,

Christa Innis: I was like, I think I messed up the time zone. But we just figure it out. We always figure it out.

thanks for being here.

We gotta do another, it’s okay.

Lucette Brown: It’s fun.

Wedding Stress & Boundaries

Christa Innis: I was just thinking we gotta do another skit because I remember we did one a little after you were on the podcast and I was thinking like by the time this comes out to, I don’t know the exact date, but it might be close to a year of like your initial episode, which is wild to think.

Lucette Brown: That is wild

Christa Innis: because you were one of the first That’s nuts. Episodes in like,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: January or February.

Lucette Brown: That’s so awesome. Congratulations on getting to a year. It’s wild. That’s awesome.

Christa Innis: Thanks. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I just started. I feel like I’m still a beginner.

Lucette Brown: That’s right. I feel like that’s everyone.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Just figuring out like Stay outta time, but I was like, oh wow. I think she might actually be like right around the same time as last time. Okay. Let’s get into this new segment. Actually, let’s do unpopular opinions. This is a little, it’s kind of a similar segment, but these are gonna be popular, unpopular relationship and drama takes.

So share thoughts on these that people send. Long engagements aren’t a red flag. They’re financially smart.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I mean, technically my husband and I are still engaged because we never got married.

Christa Innis: Oh, there you go.

Lucette Brown: Like legally We got married overseas. so Oh,

Christa Innis: you had a destination wedding?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: like a certificate, a marriage certificate?

Lucette Brown: yeah. So you are supposed to, so if you get married in a.

Like a different country. You can get married legally in that country, but you always still have to get married legally in your country.

Christa Innis: Oh.

Lucette Brown: And you still gotta fill out all the paperwork we never did it. so we got married in 2019, so right before, you know, the whole world changed Uhhuh and it just, yeah.

We never, I chatting to people who did destination weddings, everyone was like, do the paperwork first because you just, you won’t do it afterwards. And I’m like, yeah, it doesn’t really bother me. Whatever. Like, we’ll do it if we do it. And Yeah. No, I even had, at my job, I would have celebrates be like, I will come to your house and we will just do it.

Like, it’ll be easy and simple. And I’m like, yeah, we’ll get to it. it was just, I’m like, yeah, but then I gotta get witnesses. I got people around and like at that stage. Especially being in Melbourne, we were in and out of stage four lockdowns. Oh my. Which, unless you’re from Melbourne, you don’t understand what that means, which you should be very thankful.

but yeah, so it was just, yeah. So technically we’re still engaged

Christa Innis: and yeah. In the country you reside, you’re still engaged, but where’d you get married?

Lucette Brown: Bali.

Christa Innis: Bali. So if you go there, you’re still legally married?

Lucette Brown: No, we also didn’t get legally married there either.

Christa Innis: So you’re just,

Lucette Brown: we just had a party. one of my best mates, married us. and like in Australia it’s very different. It’s not like America where you can kind of just get like ordained online. You’ve gotta do like a full course. Mm-hmm. And it’s quite a lengthy process to be able to legally marry people in Australia.

and it’s quite expensive, so. Yeah. No, one of my mates just married us.

Christa Innis: I love it. But you know what, it’s like you guys did a party and an event that you really enjoyed, like for yourself ultimately. And that’s,

Lucette Brown: yeah, that’s all we kind of wanted. We just wanted the big party.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think with you probably working in stuff and weddings, you’re like, I know exactly what I want.

I’m not gonna cater to other people. This is gonna be our event. And I feel like you said last

Lucette Brown: well, and two, I didn’t wanna get married. Here because I can’t, I knew all of the suppliers, like the venues and stuff, and to me, especially like being like a people pleaser, I couldn’t bear the thought of being like, oh, well I picked you and I didn’t pick you, and Oh wow.

You know? Sorry. I had so many beautiful relationships with so many people, the thought of having to like, choose, I was just like, nah, too high basket. I’m just going to go to a different country.

Christa Innis: That is such a good point. That’s like,

if all your friends were, I mean, I don’t even know, like a dress designer or something, you know, like if you work with someone so close, then you’re like, I can’t, then they’re clearly, clearly gonna know who my favorite is or, you know, something

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Like that. You’re like, I can’t. Yeah, that’s a really good point. I didn’t think about that.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, so the only, like, we flew over the catering and then I flew over the musician. and then that was kind of it. Everyone else was. Supplies over there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Wow. That’s a great point though about the long engagements.

Like when anytime I post like anything about like people waiting a while to get engaged or people waiting while to get married, people have so many opinions about it and I’m like, every situation is completely different. Oh, a hundred percent are different. It’s just like I don’t get how people can get so up in arms about like, ‘ cause like my husband and I are like the opposite.

We’re, I dunno if it’s the opposite, but like we dated a long time before we got engaged. Like we were together or six years before we got engaged. We always knew we were going to, but like I was 23 when I met him, so I was like, I don’t wanna get married anytime soon.

if I do skits or people get married or like get engaged after like a long time, they’re like, red flag, red flag.

And I’m like, that’s not always the case. Like I know people that started dating 16, like give people a break.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Literally. Well I think, yeah, my partner and I. We’ve been together 14 years now. We’ve been married for six. So we got engaged after eight years.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And yeah.

Christa Innis: doesn’t determine like your strength as a couple.

Lucette Brown: No. we had a lot of strong opinions. I think people have just accepted it now ’cause it’s been six years and they’re like, yeah, whatever. but we had a lot of strong opinions when people found out we weren’t legally married.

Christa Innis: Really?

Lucette Brown: And people were like, so what did we go to? we went to our wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And people were like, well, no we didn’t. You’re not legally married. And we’re like, we are like,

Christa Innis: well, and it’s like for us, like how many couples have you followed up with that you’ve been to their wedding to be like, did you file the paperwork? Like no one. I know I didn’t.

Lucette Brown: No, it’s only came out because obviously we got married internationally.

So people were like, oh, how does that work? And then, you know, it’ll obviously come up. And then, yeah. Some people, especially like, you know, the older. The older generations in that were kind of a bit, yeah. Got real funny about it. And especially ’cause, you know, they had to fly to another country and stuff.

And we were like, yeah, how awesome is it that we all got to fly to Bali and we all got to have this amazing holiday all together. Like, when else are we ever gonna do that? And how awesome it is that we got to have this huge party.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like let’s focus on the positives people.

Christa Innis: Like why, why are we complaining about that?

Lucette Brown: Why are you complaining? Like I think that’s a crazy thing.

Christa Innis: That’s an amazing

Lucette Brown: trip. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I wanna

Lucette Brown: call. We had an amazing holiday. None like that whole group of people will never be in Bali together probably again.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So, yeah.

Lucette Brown: but we had a lot of, a lot of strong opinions on that.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting.

But really nothing surprises me anymore. People just have a lot of opinions about

Lucette Brown: people have opinions on everything.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. This one says. not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.

Lucette Brown: A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Straight down the middle with that. Get rid of the toxicity. Get rid of the toxic family members.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I think like 10 years ago, me would’ve been like, oh no. Like you have to have them now. Uh, no. I just don’t have the space all time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say that it’s not worth it. One of the benefits of like not getting in my own personal, I’m not saying it didn’t work for some people getting married young, but for me personally, if I would’ve gotten married really young, like when I first met my now husband, I feel like I would’ve been such a people placer.

Like, yeah, okay. Yeah. And like invite every friend or every person I ever had like a hangout with, you know?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I would’ve had way too many bridesmaids that maybe weren’t super close or great friends just ’cause I was like, I don’t wanna leave anybody out, but. Getting married when I did, I was more like, no, this is what I want.

I haven’t talked to that person in a couple years. They’ve never reached out. You know, we’re not gonna invite. Not

Lucette Brown: worth it.

Christa Innis: Just,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: Easier a little bit.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: All right, last one. The real red flag is how someone might handle wedding stress. Us.

Lucette Brown: I don’t know because I’ve seen like the most beautiful people as like my clients and stuff who have been like so nice and so lovely, and then come to like, the week of their wedding. Like it’s just like someone else goes over them, like the stress gets to them and stuff, and it’s just.

Yeah. I don’t know. So I think people handle stress different.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And I don’t know necessarily whether that’s a red flag or not. Maybe just something they need to personally work on.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I

Lucette Brown: know. Something that, you know, we can overcome.

Christa Innis: Right. I know you would hope, like if, you know, you’re like high strung around stress or like stressful situations make you act a certain way.

Like you have like a support group around you. Yeah. And my thing is just don’t be mean to people when you’re stressed. No.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s the same for like the quote unquote, like Karen’s or something. No offense to anyone named Karen that’s listening, but it’s like those videos where they’re like stressed ’cause like their food came out wrong or you know, something like dumb like that and they freak out on someone, helping them.

That’s what I don’t have sympathy for. if you’re gonna be rude or mean to someone just because you are stressed or you’re going, or like you’re late so you’re like honking your horn at somebody like

Lucette Brown: mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Take a breather.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: You can still be nice. And

yeah,

Lucette Brown: and I think that was, the time again, like COVID hit and stuff and in Melbourne we had to cancel all of our weddings and stuff.

And being on the end of that and having to call all of the couples, like people who literally were having weddings in two days. And I was just like, yeah, your wedding’s not going ahead. Oh my God. and like some of the people were so beautiful. Like you’ve literally called them, they have been planning this wedding for, God knows how long their wedding is supposed to be happening in two days and like now it’s not happening.

And not only that, I don’t know when it can happen because the problem we had is obviously like you’re canceling all these people, but like we’re already booked up for, two, three years. So then you are having like. The COVID backlog trying to deal with that and stuff. And that was probably like how people handled that situation.

I still remember the people who got and like, rightfully so like, yeah, okay. Get angry, but like, they would get like horrendously angry like at me and I’m like, I’m not the one putting, putting us, you know, this isn’t, it’s not my personal fault.

I’m just having to relay the information.

Yeah. I’m not, not me. I’m just relaying just relaying the information.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Um, so yeah, that was probably, ’cause you know, like who in their wildest dreams would’ve ever thought that was ever gonna be something that Right. We would have to deal with. and then yeah, having to make those phone calls. and then yeah, seeing how people dealt with that.

It was like, yeah, like very beautiful humans that were just okay. It is what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like it sucks and I’ll cry about it, but can’t change it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Whereas some people are like, no, I’m getting married. I’m like, no, I’m sorry, but no, you’re not.

Christa Innis: Sorry.

Lucette Brown: Fuck. I hate to break it to you, but

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Uh, no, it’s not happening.

Christa Innis: That has to be a really stressful phone call for you to make. I feel like especially you’re saying you’re a people pleaser or like have that tendencies, like,

Lucette Brown: oh, anxiety just,

Christa Innis: oh, I already hate the phone. So doing that, knowing you’re telling them something bad that’s,

Lucette Brown: oh, it was. And like, I think they knew, ’cause obviously like there were press releases at the time and, it was being announced that this was happening.

you would know you were about to get the phone call, but yeah. And then you’d just be on the other end and sometimes you’re just listening to like just sobbing and you’re just like, okay, well I’ve got about a hundred more of these phone calls to make, so bye.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’m sure by the last one you’re just like, I’m sorry, this is it.

Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m done.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: I’m

Christa Innis: done. Oh my gosh. Gosh. That was like,

Lucette Brown: I was trying to like pass it on to like my colleagues and stuff, but because like I was the manager in that, they’re like, Nope, that’s a you problem. I’m like, yep, fair enough.

Christa Innis: Got it.

Lucette Brown: Fair enough. I’d do the same thing too. Gosh,

Christa Innis: gosh. That like reminds me of I feel like some of the most stressful calls I had to make was when I used to work for a gym.

I worked in like the corporate office. So like I was not in the gym, did not work with the clients, but every once in a while I had people calling the corporate office complaining about like a membership thing. Like maybe they didn’t cancel in time had to be like, sorry, it’s in your contract, blah, blah, blah.

Like I don’t even remember the term, but I had people scream at me on the phone. I was like, I did not sign you up for this contract. I am literally in the corporate office. And then I. This lady,

Lucette Brown: I didn’t write the contracts.

Christa Innis: I was like, I don’t agree with it either, but I’m really relaying the iteration, like it was a terrible, toxic job.

Hated it. but I remember this one time, I was already having like a rough day. Like the boss was terrible. he yelled at me for just having a bad day. Like he literally, so I was already having a bad day. This lady is screaming at me on the phone and I just started crying and the lady was like, okay, you know what?

I’m,

Lucette Brown: I’m, I’ll keep my contract. Thank you. Sorry. Signed me up for another 12 months. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: No, she literally did was like, okay, sorry sweetie. I didn’t make fina make you cry. And I was like, it’s just been a rough day. Gosh.

Lucette Brown: Like people forget, like the people you’re abusing are humans and like a lot of the times the people you’re abusing don’t have the power to change anything.

Yeah. Like,

Christa Innis: like,

Lucette Brown: and like the 16 year olds behind the coffee counter, and they’re just like. Here’s your coffee.

Christa Innis: You’re like, dude, I work, like I work here after school. Like I, yeah. Doing what I can. I cannot make any changes.

Lucette Brown: No.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Dunno why you’re abusing me, but thanks.

Christa Innis: Yeah, thanks. Oh my gosh, it’s wild.

Last-Minute Saves & Meltdowns

Okay, before we get to this week’s wild story, I wanna do a quick, little quick, might be redundant, but a rapid fire event planning edition. So I’m gonna ask a random question and we’re just gonna try to be as quick as possible. Okay. You ready? No pressure. I’m saying like high stress moments

Lucette Brown: first that pops into my head.

Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s one vendor? Red flag?

Lucette Brown: Not being flexible.

Christa Innis: Ooh. What’s a client

Lucette Brown: like? Their way or the highway?

Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s a client? Red flag

Lucette Brown: Entitlement.

Christa Innis: Hmm. Funniest guest request you’ve ever gotten?

Lucette Brown: Oh God. I know this is supposed to be a quick fire and this is not quick fire.

Christa Innis: If you can’t think of one, it’s okay to like pass to

Lucette Brown: No, it’s more, I’m trying to think of like, what would be the top, like we’ve had people request to do, magic shows, comedy acts, dances. We had people, there’s always a people who request to sing and they can’t sing.

And I’m always asking why.

Christa Innis: Oh, do they try to do it behind the bride and groom’s back, like out as a surprise?

Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. As a surprise.

Christa Innis: Oh. How do you work that out? Do you have to like ask the bride and groom for permission?

Lucette Brown: it depends on the client. Like, because you, you know, you’re spending up to two years with these people, so you really do get to know them on like a personal level.

Yeah. Um, and yeah, it would depend on the couple, whether I would be like, oh, they would love that, or no, let’s maybe think of a different situation where that might work. maybe not at their wedding. but yeah,

Christa Innis: that’s,

Lucette Brown: wow. So it’s the people who can’t sing,

Christa Innis: I

Lucette Brown: just, they’re like, I’ll sing.

Christa Innis: They’re like, for my first act, I’ll be singing at their reception right in front of them.

I’m

Lucette Brown: gonna start singing.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I just read a story where a mother, yeah, I was a bride’s mom. Planned this whole thing, like took over the whole wedding and then sang for like, I wanna say it was like 30 minutes for like everybody. And there was like nothing they could do. The bride didn’t want it, but like she was the one that booked everything.

Did everything. So she made it like her event, and they were like,

Lucette Brown: see, we have had those scenarios before where I have literally just pulled the plug

Christa Innis: Really?

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my.

Lucette Brown: And I’ve done it on a DJ before too.

Christa Innis: A dj. What’d the DJ do?

Lucette Brown: They were singing when they went to, they were singing? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Why was the DJ singing?

Lucette Brown: Just felt like it felt moved by the music. And I looked at the, I looked at the couple and like, she’s just like looking at me and I’m like, is this like, I walked up to her and I was like, is this supposed to happen? She’s like, no. And I’m like, is this part of the service? And she goes, no, I don’t want them to be singing.

I’m like, oh, okay. And I like tried to like in between, I was like, okay. I love that you are trying to add a different level to this wedding. Like, fantastic. Um, but could we not, like, could we just stick to DJing? That would be great, but they just wouldn’t listen. and then it like gets to the point where it’s just like, yeah, okay, you’re being paid for a service.

You are not listening to me now.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: I’m done. So I just pulled the microphone and I’m like, put your DJ music back on please. And just walked away. That is

Christa Innis: wild. To be like, because

Lucette Brown: I was like, whatever. I was like, I’ll be the bad guy. that’s fine. The couple are here to, you know, this is their wedding day.

and then yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my

Lucette Brown: God. Safe to say that they weren’t exactly Welcome back at the venue.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s wild. To just start singing as the dj.

Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Like, oh, I

Lucette Brown: can s better than,

Christa Innis: uh, Whitney Houston over here. Just lemme

Lucette Brown: know. Yeah. Felt moved by the music and just whipped out a microphone and started singing.

Christa Innis: Wow. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it all. Let’s see. best last minute save. You’ve pulled off.

Lucette Brown: Ooh,

Christa Innis: I know these, some, these are like hard and like detailed.

Lucette Brown: Probably the one that probably comes to mind was ages ago. and it was at the state library and how it works is like the whole place is on like four blocks, in the Melbourne CBD and we had a huge power outage, but only half of the library was part of the power outage.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: And we had this huge, corporate event, which was this huge like launch for, I won’t say the client, but huge like product launch, all that kind of stuff. And it was happening in like an hour. I was on the phone and unfortunately, like they couldn’t say.

When we were getting power. ’cause obviously we are very low on the list, for when people get their power back and stuff. And they couldn’t give us a time estimate. So we had to completely relocate to a completely different, area in the library. And then with no power. Like with no power.

We had no lifts and we were trying to get ovens and stuff up, the mumble staircases and stuff, and we had to use ramps and it was just like pulling out every trick in the book Oh my To pull the event off. And literally as the event, it all got pulled together as the guests were arriving.

Christa Innis: Whoa.

So just in the naked time?

Lucette Brown: Just in naked time.

Christa Innis: Wow.

Lucette Brown: So that was like, I was what, I think it was like when all this was happening. So you put

Christa Innis: like, fresh in like,

Lucette Brown: yeah, fresh in thinking on my toast. I do remember like pushing ovens up on like planks of wood trying to get like, not, not oh HNS, you gotta get what you gotta get done.

So that was probably the best last minute save off the top of my head.

Christa Innis: That’s wild. That’s a good example. have you ever had to hide a meltdown from a client?

Lucette Brown: A lot,

Christa Innis:

Lucette Brown: Too many to count. So many, so many meltdowns from family members, even like meltdowns from brides who didn’t want their guests to see.

but yeah, the most recent venue I worked at, we had like a little kind of like cottage, which we could put people in. but yes, we would have to move a lot or like, not just meltdowns, just like. Family who’ve gotten too heated and we’re like, okay, we need to separate you guys. and then, yeah,

Christa Innis: it’s like a whole,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

That would happen more often than not. Oh

Christa Innis: my gosh. It’s wild.

Lucette Brown: Weddings, place of love.

Christa Innis: Nice. It’s like a high stress, like any kind of issue or problem gets all just brought to the surface and

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And we would have so many too during the ceremony, and especially come like summertime and you’ve got a ceremony outside and if it’s, you know, a ridiculously hot day and you’ve had people who haven’t eaten and they’ve just been drinking and they haven’t necessarily drunk water, like people just like passing out during the ceremony.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Lucette Brown: So that would happen a bit as well.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Lucette Brown: It would go too hard on the pre-drinks.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure that’s pretty common. I’ve seen it happen at a lot of weddings.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: they run wild, you know. Yeah. Bars are open, drinks are flowing. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: this is before our bra even opened.

This is like their own, their own bars been opened

Christa Innis: right. To the hotel or something. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. what’s a wedding trend? You’re over?

Lucette Brown: Hmm.

God

probably, it might be, but wedding favors like Ardi.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s a

Lucette Brown: lot. I just think it’s the price per head is just astronomical these days. I don’t think you also need to be buying your guest a present, which just gets left.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve seen some really cool favors and they’re fun, but I feel like for the most part, they get left behind or

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: Just kinda like, don’t care about them. There’s certain people and I feel like it’s, maybe it’s ’cause it’s like, I love crafts and I love like little trinkets. So for me it’s like, oh, like I remember this from my friend’s wedding. But I would say majority of people are just kind of like, okay. Or they like leave them behind.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. and two, the amount of it would get to the point where you’d be like, towards the end of the wedding season and the staff were even like, I can’t take any more wedding papers home. Like, and the couples would be like, please, like, we don’t want them. And the staff are like, I don’t want them either.

Christa Innis: I don’t need another bottle opener or a cozy,

Lucette Brown: no, I don’t need another, stubby holder. I don’t need another, you know, so many things that people would have. I’m like, I just, we are good. Thank you. Of like a couple that you don’t really actually know.

Christa Innis: okay. we were talking before we started about different phrases from different countries and

Lucette Brown: Oh God, it’s stubby holder, isn’t

Christa Innis: it?

Stubby holder. So the only reason I know what that is now is because someone submitted a, I wanna say it was a story to me. I couldn’t remember if it was an unpopular opinion of a story. And I was reading, I was like, stubby holder, I gotta look that up. and I was like, oh, okay. Because we call ’em like beer coozies.

I’m thinking that’s what, ah, it like, it goes with a beer bottle.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. It’s a sleeve. It’s like an insulated sleeve that you can hold your cold beer.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And

Lucette Brown: yeah, a stubby holder.

Christa Innis: That sounds so much better than a coat. Cozy. I dunno. I

Lucette Brown: know. Cozy sounds cute though. Stubby holders just like, yeah.

I don’t know. That’s Aussie slang for you.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Stubby. Stubby holder.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I

Lucette Brown: Beer.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that used to be a very common, the last couple weddings I went to, I got like. I did get a cool, like beer, gosh, now I don’t know the term of it. Like kinda an old fashioned like beer mug, which was kind of cool.

Lucette Brown: Ah, yeah. In

Christa Innis: one wedding. I don’t know. I’d been so long since I’ve been like at a wedding as a guest. I just helped with a wedding like over the summer. I don’t remember what the beavers were. I don’t remember.

Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m very excited. We were about to go, oh, we

Christa Innis: did a flower bar.

They did a flower bar.

Lucette Brown: A flower bar. Oh yes. We used have the, yeah. Grand flowers and stuff. Yep.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: we had a few we had a lot of flower bars. I’m about to go to a wedding in about two weeks of one of the colleagues that I used to work with at

Christa Innis: Oh, fun.

Lucette Brown: The most recent wedding place I worked at.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s fun. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: So that’ll be fun.

Christa Innis: Have you,

Lucette Brown: it’s always weird been on the other side.

Christa Innis: Yeah. To Do you think you like notice more things than like,

Lucette Brown: oh, a hundred percent. I try not to, and like I try to like switch it off and stuff. And I remember I was at one of my best friend’s wedding just recently and I was there and like I knew like the celebrate and everything, like we were chatting and stuff and you know, I was like, oh, like, you know, what can I do and everything.

And they kept going, just stop, go and enjoy yourself. And I’m like, okay,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Lucette Brown: sorry, forgot.

Christa Innis: You know, I had that problem for the longest time where I would be like. A guest invited to the wedding, not in the wedding party, but I would find some way to like help. Not like I was like overbearing and being like, look, no,

Lucette Brown: like I’m just like, yeah, like what can I do?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I’d be like texting the friend and being like, Hey, can’t wait for your wedding. I’m so excited. If you need anything, let me know. And they’d be like, oh. And I’d be like, just chatting with them. I’d be like, do you need help with that? Because there’ve been a few weddings where I’d be talking to the bride just like a friend of mine they’d be like really stressed about stuff.

And I was like, girl, what can I do to help? So I’d like go over there and help. And they’d be like,

Lucette Brown: yeah,

Christa Innis: why are my bridesmaids not even helping and you’re helping? I’m like, I don’t know. I just like enjoy doing it. My husband’s like, how’d you get involved again? And I’m like, I don’t know. I like doing stuff like that.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, just what happens.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: It’s just part of it. That was, now that my daughter is in kindergarten and she’s just started and like my husband was like. whatever you do, like please don’t, please don’t join the committee. And I’m like, no. Like I don’t have time to be on the committee. Like it’s all fine.

And then last year I went to like the big A GM that they had and I thought I was like signing up to create like a group WhatsApp account for like the moms and stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll do that. Like that’s fine, I’ll do that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And then one of the moms I was with was, she was like, oh congratulations, you’re on the committee.

I’m on the what now? And she’s like, you just signed up for the committee? And I’m like, no, I signed up to create a WhatsApp group. And she goes, yeah, that’s on the committee. I’m like,

Christa Innis: you are

Lucette Brown: part of, okay great. flash. And I was telling like when I was with all my friends, like, ’cause we’ve been friends for like 20 plus years now, and I was saying, you know, like I’m not being on the committee.

Like it’s not happening. And one of my mates, he’s like, doll. You’ll be president of the committee. Like before I know it and I’m like, no I won’t. Like no, I don’t have time. Flash forward to now and I am now the president of the committee.

Christa Innis: Oh my Lucy. You’re like Al, I just made time. I figured it out. Wait, what’s time? It went from you? What’s his?

Lucette Brown: Aries.

Christa Innis: Aries. Oh, Aries get stuff done. They really do.

Lucette Brown: Okay. Well it went from being the WhatsApp group to then being the fundraising person and like doing all the events and stuff. And then now I’m, yeah, the president.

Christa Innis: Oh my. You’re like, who me? don’t know.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. I was like, no, I don’t have time. And they’re like, all my friends who like know me more than me are like, please, yes you will be. You will be on that. You will be on that committee. I’m like, no,

I don’t have time.

Christa Innis: Love that story. That is hilarious.

Lucette Brown: So it’s fun.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You just,

Lucette Brown: we’ll make it work.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like what we were talking about before, I don’t now, I don’t remember if this was when we were recording or not, but it’s like that mom thing we were talking about where it’s like all of a sudden you just make it happen.

Like you’re like, I got two hours. what normally would’ve maybe taken me 10, eight to 10 hours I will get done in. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I’ll get it done.

Christa Innis: Who knows when my daughter will wake up, who knows when she’ll get home, you know, whatever it is. I’m gonna make this time count.

Lucette Brown: happen.

Christa Innis: You’re gonna,

Lucette Brown: it’s a lot of hours in a day.

Christa Innis: There’s so many hours in the day and

Lucette Brown: you don’t need sleep. Sleep’s overrated.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. It’s

Lucette Brown: fine.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You’re telling me, I’m like, that’s why I was telling you, the second I lay down with my daughter, I’m out because I refuse to nap. I don’t like napping. ’cause it makes me feel like I have so much to do.

I gotta get stuff done. I’ve been this way since like high school, college. I just could not nap. And so, especially now that I’m like. Six hours of sleep every night about if I lay down to sleep. I’ve still not caught up from like when she was a baby, baby. And you get like hours. Oh yeah. God, no.

Lucette Brown: those years are gone.

Christa Innis: Those are gone. I feel like my body’s just always ready, like it’s always fall asleep.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: So I don’t

Lucette Brown: know. That was, I was reading somewhere and someone said, it was like, it takes four hours to like recoup like one hour of miss sleep. And I was like, I’m done. I’m never recouping those hours that I lost.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Lucette Brown: That’s

Christa Innis: no for like any new moms listening, this is what I did. And maybe it was like a little d Lulu, but this is what helped me when I would wake up in the middle of the night to like nurse her or just like, you know, if we had to change a diaper, whatever it was.

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: I refused to look at the clock.

I didn’t wanna know what Yeah. It was,

Lucette Brown: no,

Christa Innis: I had to do the

Lucette Brown: same

Christa Innis: so much. ’cause I would like. Not know how tired I was the next morning. Like I’d be like, I’m just gonna drink my coffee and carry on it’s morning.

Lucette Brown: Yeah,

Christa Innis: whatever

Lucette Brown: that was the best thing that I did too. Especially ’cause I had a saying, like, when you’re waking up to like, breastfeed them and everything and you’re just like, oh my god.

And you’re looking at the clock and you’re like, I have been up like six times already. And then it’s just like, you just need to like

Christa Innis: shut it

Lucette Brown: off. Like my husband, like, Hey man, how many times did she wake up? I’m like, dunno, don’t care.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: let’s move on.

Christa Innis: She’s good. The job was done. Check.

Lucette Brown: It is good.

I was a good cow last night.

Let’s move on.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Lucette Brown: let’s

When Sisterly Support Turns Competitive

Christa Innis: Hundred percent. All good cow. Oh my gosh. All right, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. As always, names are changed and here we go. Feel free to stop me at any point, or we’ll just react. All right. My older sister, Rachel, was married before me, but her marriage only lasted two months when she was, hold on.

I have to stop something really quick.

Lucette Brown: you not change the names?

Christa Innis: No. I’ll take, I’ll take this out, this started just like a story I just read, so I was like, I wanna make sure it’s not the exact thing. So

Lucette Brown: the same one.

Christa Innis: Wait, I swear I’ve read this. Okay. Hold on. Let me just pause this. I’m so sorry. And we are back. Okay.

Lucette Brown: Like nothing happened.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like nothing happened. What do we even, okay. Here is the blind reaction of the week. All the names have been changed. Okay. I 20 5:00 AM getting married to Dee 28 male. We’ve been together since 2022.

Started hanging out, spending the night more often than not. Moved in about nine months into the relationship and have been inseparable since. We don’t fight. We have so much fun together and we are genuinely in love. We both lived life as single people before, not as people who can’t be single, which I think is a huge red flag.

It just reassures us that we’re perfect for each other. Never wondering if the grass is greener or so to speak. My younger sister, C 20 F, is engaged to G 25 M. I actually went to school with G. He’s a nice guy. Was super nerdy in high school. Never went to parties, quiet but kind. And in most of my honors classes, when I found out they were dating, it felt weird.

I wasn’t sure how they met since they were not in school at the same time, and my sister wouldn’t tell us, which I thought was odd. She also wouldn’t let me follow him on Instagram. I sent a request and she told him to decline it, even though I’ve known him way longer than she has.

Once a month. Our big Italian family does Sunday dinner at my grandma’s house. When c and g started dating, he began coming too, but at every dinner or family function, they would key to themselves, whispering to each other the entire time while everyone else talked together. Super weird.

Lucette Brown: So is he married?

Christa Innis: I know. I’m like, what’s going on here? Is he hiding something from everybody?

Lucette Brown: Why can he come to family functions? But you can’t follow him on social media.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s very odd because I feel like anything that he is gonna show there would be the same. Right? Sure. Fast forward to 2024. My partner and I are thriving.

We went from renting to buying our first home. We’re both progressing in our careers. We adopted a dog. We’re building a beautiful life together. Now, my sister

Lucette Brown: I just love how this whole story, she’s like, so we’re just doing like amazing. And like everything about us is just fabulous, and we’re just really perfect people.

But my sister,

Christa Innis: there’s been a few stories that I’ve,

Lucette Brown: that in itself is a red flag.

Christa Innis: I know there’s,

Lucette Brown: I love the confidence. Love it. But you know,

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I always have to look at these stories. looking at both sides. Yeah, because I’ve gotten stories like this before where I’m like, well, I don’t actually see how your sister is being wrong.

Like, not saying this one necessarily, but

Lucette Brown: No,

Christa Innis: like, I’m like, wait, we need to look at this, but were different.

Lucette Brown: Yeah, no, I just, but I just love how Yeah. It’s just like, you know, like, we’re perfect, perfect for each other, we’re thriving, which like, they probably are, and like hats off to them, bravo.

But it’s just a very interesting way to like write a story and then be like, but my sister

Christa Innis: Yeah, but look at her.

Lucette Brown: She’s the problem.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Something wrong with that one.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. No, that’s so true because here we go.

Lucette Brown: Continue. Sorry.

Christa Innis: It says No, no, that’s a great observation. It says, now my sister and G’s situation, they still live together in G’S parents’ house.

So they horrible. They’ve been together, they’ve been together a few years now. they’re also engaged. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been together, but they live in his Parents’ house. as far as I’m being

Lucette Brown: financially responsible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, as far as I’m concerned, 25 is still really young.

Like, I don’t know. I’m

Lucette Brown: pretty sure I was still living, like me and my now husband, were still living with my mom at 25.

Christa Innis: That’s, yeah. That’s so young. We were just barely getting back Bills at 20.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. So we were trying to save for a house.

Christa Innis: Yeah. so the girl that wrote this and her sister’s fiance are the same age, but the girl that wrote this, her partner is 28, so a few years older and her sister is younger.

Yeah. So I think it’s that like older sister thing.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But like at the same time, like they’re not. her partner’s almost closer to 30 while she’s like early twenties. So I don’t know where I do feel. Yeah,

Lucette Brown: see maybe it’s younger sister and me that’s coming out and I’m like, hang on a second.

Christa Innis: Same. I’m the younger sister too, so I’m like,

Lucette Brown: alright sister,

Christa Innis: slow your rock.

Lucette Brown: Dial it back a not,

Christa Innis: it says, oh, she had an ad in his childhood bedroom. Okay. His two older siblings also live there with their significant others, which somehow normalizes it for them. Neither C nor G has ever lived on their own.

which again, I think they’re pretty young. Especially like the Sister’s 20. I don’t, that’s pretty young. My sister has never had a job. Okay. In high school. She was a total home buddy. She’d even have us bring her food to go instead of coming to family dinners. My dad, I feel like there’s a lot of tension going on here, so she’s gonna mm-hmm.

Everything that annoys her, which I get my dad would make her come sometimes just to get outta the house. She got her license at 18, which might be the most adult things she’s done after high school. She started taking prerequisite classes at a local college, but stopped halfway through the semester, even though my parents were paying for it.

Now she’s been in cosmetology school for a while and keeps saying she’s almost done since December. Okay. When I asked what she’d do after, she said she’d work in an upscale salon we’ve all gone to for years. I told her to have a backup plan since they usually only hire Paul Mitchell graduates, but she insisted I was wrong and said so very rudely.

She still has no income and just asked my parents for money. Which they always still give. Basically, she’s at a very immature stage of life and it’s hard to talk to her about anything. Adult now for the wedding drama. Here we go. Okay. That was all the, all the background to get us ready for this. Yeah.

Before either of us were engaged, she sent a video of her and G in his yard playing with their goat. In the video, G was wearing a black rubber ring on his left hand. I texted privately asking if they got married. She snapped. It’s not a wedding band. Stupid. Oh, okay. And that was that. Then at the next family dinner, I noticed she was wearing a purple gemstone ring on her left hand.

My dad and grandma asked if I knew anything. I told them about our text. They all thought it was strange. A few weeks later, after dating for a year, my sister sent a picture in our family group chat of the ring with a yellow gemstone saying she got engaged. I honestly thought it was a joke because not to be rude, the ring looked like one of those you get out of a 25 cent machine.

My dad confirmed it was real. Oh, am

Lucette Brown: Even if it was,

Christa Innis: I know, like I literally just saw a post today about this girl turned down an engagement because the ring was only $900 and this guy spent like, that’s a good chunk of money still. And she turned him down for that. And so it tried this whole debate of like.

What is acceptable? or would you say, go to this and I’m just like, if you wanna be with this person and they’re spending money on you, why does, I

Lucette Brown: couldn’t care if it was a silver with a cubic zirconia. Like,

Christa Innis: yeah, why does that matter? Does that

Lucette Brown: matter?

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I don’t get that whole thing.

that like old fashioned, I dunno if people still do this when it’s like, it should cost six months of rent, have you before, or six months of their salary or something.

Lucette Brown: I do that these days, but people can’t even afford to put food on the tables alone. Six months to buy a ring.

Christa Innis: I wouldn’t want my partner to spend that money, be like, we could use that for so many. I could be

Lucette Brown: angry

Christa Innis: things. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like, do you know what we could have done with that money?

Christa Innis: I would legitimately be mad.

Lucette Brown: Yes. I’d be like, you can return that now. let’s go get something from, the $2 shop.

Christa Innis: Yes. And especially like you said too, like even if it was a 25 cents.

vending machine, they live, they’re saving money. They’re living at his parents’ house right now. Maybe they don’t have the funds.

Lucette Brown: She doesn’t have a job.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like

Christa Innis: so

Lucette Brown: that’s a bit responsible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, here we go. I’ll admit it. I was annoyed. I felt like I deserved to be engaged more. Not in a body way, but in a, of course

Lucette Brown: not,

Christa Innis: but because Dee and I were so established while she seemed nowhere near ready

Lucette Brown: and thriving.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is like a tale as old as time. I hate to say it like that, and I’m not trying to come down hard on this person, but like, it’s so hard to see outside the bubble and it stems from like jealousy of like, well, why is he proposing her first when we’re more established? But like, checking the boxes does not mean you’re more ready or less ready than them.

It’s

Lucette Brown: everyone has different boxes to check.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Like,

Lucette Brown: you know, I’ve got so many of my friends who will never get married ’cause it’s just not what they wanna do.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: some of them don’t wanna have kids. Some of them will never buy a house.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Ish there. Right?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it’s all completely separate.

It’s not like, yeah, all right, you bought a house so now you can have a baby. so now you this and I can do that. It’s like, no. Like they’re all separate decisions and every relationship is different how they wanna do it. Yeah. So if you have an annoyance with it, that’s between you and your partner to kind of figure out, not your sister.

Yeah.

Lucette Brown: And you know what she can always propose as well.

Christa Innis: Exactly. it’s 2025.

Lucette Brown: It’s 2025. if you wanna be engaged that badly. Wow.

Christa Innis: Take matters. Falls

Lucette Brown: in your court too.

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. So she said, still, she’s my sister and I wanted to be supportive. I texted her privately to say congratulations, and she responded nicely.

Sorry, this is long. we’re almost there. Two weeks later, Dee surprise me with a proposal on my birthday. I of course said yes and was thrilled. We called family and friends. I texted my sister a picture of my ring. A real diamond. Four and a half carrots. Hers is Mo. Oh, this reads so mean. Hers is mo, I can’t say the word Mo.

Mo. Oh,

Lucette Brown: mo. Moen

Christa Innis: Moen.

Lucette Brown: Moist

Christa Innis: Moen.

Lucette Brown: I know what you mean.

Christa Innis: I know what Mo. I know what Mo Ignite. Oh my gosh. It’s making me so mad. I can’t say it. Yeah. Ignite from Etsy though. She claims diamonds are tacky. There is nothing. Well, to be about a MOIs Aite ring from Etsy.

Lucette Brown: I was gonna say, I actually, I think there was like a light blue moise and I, which, and I was obsessed with this ring.

Loved it. Like that was actually my preferred stone. Mm-hmm. And the only reason why, when my husband was like designing the ring and stuff, he didn’t go with that was because it’s really soft and he knows how clumsy I am and I would’ve just ruined it. ’cause my rings never come off.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Lucette Brown: yeah, he knew, so he got like one of the sturdiest, really sturdy stones. but yeah, I was like, oh, like I like it. But I really like the blue one that I said, you know, the blue one Yeah. To be ungrateful. Yeah. Um, and then yeah, he was like, oh no, they’re really soft.

But yeah, it’s a beautiful gem.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I have to say, it’s funny ’cause like when we went on our honeymoon, I got a. $25 from Amazon. Like, it was like cubic zirconia because I didn’t wanna bring my real ring ’cause we were gonna be swimming and stuff, you know, we’ll get replacement ones. I got so many compliments on that ring, it was $25.

And I was like, okay. I just feel like it’s about what makes you feel good and who cares if they hundred percent quote unquote fake. Who cares? It’s what looks good for you? she didn’t reply until the next day with a single word. Congrats. That hurt. Especially after how supportive I’ve been sending one text.

Happy Bear. Making a negative comment is not really supportive.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Have you been supportive?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact, I don’t know, it just reads so like, I’m better than you because I have a full a

Lucette Brown: hundred percent

Christa Innis: spirit real diamond.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. But even like, when the whole story started. And you know, she was like, like, we’re perfect for each other.

We’re thriving, we’re this, we’re that. And it’s just like, okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. When it sounds like she doesn’t really know,

Lucette Brown: are you good people?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because

Lucette Brown: really that’s all that really matters.

Christa Innis: And to me, like it just sounds like she doesn’t really know her sister and her fiance’s relationship. Right. And it’s like,

Lucette Brown: yeah,

Christa Innis: maybe they’re just private people.

Like I know a lot of couples like that that just keep to themselves, and maybe that’s what it is. Maybe there is something more we don’t know, but like, it sounds like she doesn’t really know them, so they could be perfect for each other,

Lucette Brown: just be like, what? They’re 25? Yeah. Okay, cool. Some people don’t like know what they wanna do or like fully come into themselves until even like some people are like late thirties, early forties.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: Like,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Lucette Brown: Let ’em be.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So she says, we chose totally different wedding routes. She’s doing a fully traditional wedding and we’re eloping in Vegas, which fits us perfectly. So far, I’ve had two wedding events, one being our engagement party at a brewery in our hometown. She came to that with her fiance and it was fine.

She had two dress appointments and one bridesmaid dress appointment, all of which I’ve driven three hours away to attend despite my crazy schedule as a dance teacher, competition judge, and convention, convention, faculty member constantly flying around. When I finally made my own dress appointment between her events, she texted that she couldn’t come because she had a veil appointment.

I asked what it meant. She said she was picking up her veil. The store was only 30 minutes from me, so I asked if she could come before or after. She said no. She also had to make a payment for her venue and said it was too much driving. This just sounds like rival sisters. Yeah, and I

Lucette Brown: feel

Christa Innis: like the fact that they’re engaged at the same time is just.

A problem in general.

Lucette Brown: This is, again, this is like the toxicity that it’s just like, okay, if you guys don’t like each other, just

Christa Innis: don’t

Lucette Brown: fall. Call it. Call it what it is. your sisters, at the end of the day, you don’t have to be best friends.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I hate to say it this way, but I don’t exactly blame the younger sister for saying no.

‘ cause she probably feels the toxicity from this other sister. And she’s like, I wanna be in my wedded bliss right now. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: I wanna be in my bubble.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because think about it this way, if they, if they weren’t sisters, and let’s say this was a toxic friend,

Lucette Brown: you wouldn’t want, yeah. And I think that’s like, that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it?

Is that so many people are like, oh, but they’re my sister. Oh. But they’re, you know, so and so. And it’s like, yeah, but a toxic person is still a toxic person.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: And if they make you feel small and they don’t make you feel good.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, and obviously we’re reading between the lines. We don’t know either, but just seems very like we’re so much better.

And then they kind of suck. They’re awkward, they’re weird.

That’s the way I’m reading.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: maybe I’m reading it wrong. And you can

Lucette Brown: Well, it’s also how it’s been written, right? Like you can only read the words that are there.

Christa Innis: True.

Lucette Brown: So

Christa Innis: yeah, I reminded her that I’ve been driving twice that to support her, but she snapped.

I’m getting married too. At that point. I told her not to worry about it. I didn’t want her energy At my appointment. Later, my mom found out and told my sister it was messed up not to go, which made my sister mad at me again for telling my mom. Two days later, my sister texted saying her venue rescheduled her payment so she could come if I still wanted her to.

I didn’t reply and she didn’t come. That hurt even more because I didn’t, but she

Lucette Brown: didn’t reply.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, what?

Lucette Brown: It’s like they’re both playing the same game and it’s like

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: No one’s gonna win in this scenario.

Christa Innis: No.

Lucette Brown: Like,

Christa Innis: you need like,

Lucette Brown: like you’re both

Christa Innis: a four.

Lucette Brown: I’d say they’re both at fault. Like they’re both, you know, without kind of knowing anything about it.

But yeah, I would just be like, you both. Yeah.

Christa Innis: they’re off. They need like the full, like reset because it’s that thing where it’s like they both wanna be the victim. They both wanna be upset. Like, we’ve all been there, it’s

Lucette Brown: both their wedding, they’re in their limelight and it’s like, well, nothing’s gonna get accomplished while you both think that way.

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. So she said that her even more because I knew the reschedule story was a lie. No venue suddenly books a wedding two weeks out at the appointment. My mom, who decided to pay for my dress after realizing how much she was spending on my sister mentioned to her on the phone that I found my dress.

My sister never texted, called or asked to see a photo, nothing. The following weekend was her bridesmaid dress appointment. I tried on two dresses that I loved and she said she loved them too. Then suddenly she changed her mind and asked me to try on what I can only describe as a fat girl dress, what, for lack of a better term, this can, that’s problematic.

Be a real story.

Lucette Brown: I’m trying to even like, what the hell is a fat girl dress?

Christa Innis: This is what she is calling it. She goes, I’m very fit and the dress look awful. So she’s making like a fat phobic comment.

Lucette Brown: Okay.

Christa Innis: I don’t typically, there’s been few that like, someone sends me a story and I’m like, Ooh, you’re not the. Okay.

Lucette Brown: Doesn’t sound like a very nice person.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t like that yet. She suddenly claimed it was her favorite. It felt like she was trying to get a rise out of me. I told her, honestly, I didn’t like it and said, if you want it that badly, you can buy it, but I’m not paying for it.

She called me a bitch, but honestly I didn’t feel bad. She’s been acting cold since my engagement and I was over it.

Lucette Brown: She, oh, they both need to get out of each other’s bridal parties and just call it a day.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Just be guests at each other’s weddings. Oh my gosh. She eventually picked a different dress.

Not as nice as the first two, but acceptable. So I bought it and left without even saying goodbye. She still didn’t congratulate me or ask about my dress. Oh. And she’s not making me her maid of honor. Well, why would she? I

Lucette Brown: wanna make my ma of honor.

Christa Innis: I, yeah. In what world should you be? Her maid of honor.

Lucette Brown: Nice.

Christa Innis: I am like, like we need to look out family man myself a little bit and be like, okay, if I weren’t her sister and I was acting this way, or talking about her this way or treating her this way. would that be normal?

Lucette Brown: Like, they’re both like, I dunno, like she’s in the wrong and it sounds like her sister’s also in the wrong, like they just both need to just Yeah.

But you

Christa Innis: like hash it all out. And it’s hard because we’re saying, it’s like such an intense time in their life. Yeah. But there’s a lot to do, a lot going on. They’re both the brides, they already have this like, competition, so it’s like, until they really hash it out, it’s gonna be like that the whole time.

I feel like, yeah, it’s gonna be,

Lucette Brown: and it’ll be like, and this is coming from like, you know, from personal experience. Like, I remember I had someone in my bridal party who I was like, no, like I have to have them in my bridal party. Like they should be in my bridal party. And they were just problematic from the get go really.

And I look back and I’m like, I should have just. it would’ve been a blow up then, but I reckon the rest of it would’ve been fine. Rather than like, just constant little things to like the big blowout, essentially at the wedding. just get rid of it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Snippet while it’s like, while it’s happening. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like we always wanna, like, especially as people pleasers or like, we wanna like, be like, no, I still have hope. I think things are making plus like, it’s

Lucette Brown: that I think you have this, this, you know, idea and you’re like, no, it’ll be fine. Or like, they’ll come around like, they’ll be there for me on the wedding day and it’s like, no.

No.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Lucette Brown: just cut it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If

Lucette Brown: they can. It’s coming from personal, personal experience. Cut it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If they can’t handle watching you rise or celebrating you in certain, they’re

Lucette Brown: just gonna get worse at the wedding.

Christa Innis: Not gonna happen at the wedding. It’s just not gonna happen.

Lucette Brown: Trust me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh no, I feel like you’ve got a lot of stories about that.

Lucette Brown: oh yeah. But no, this, this, it’s, Hmm. That’s, uh, that’s something that I,

Christa Innis: that’s after we record, after the recording’s off. so she said, okay. So her heard that she’s not the maid of honor. She’s having three bridesmaids and no maid of honor to keep it equal. that makes sense. It made she made it very clear.

I’m not picking you over my friends, but I’m also not picking my friends or, yeah. No one’s picking. I’m not picking anybody over anybody. Yeah. I don’t think you have to have your sister as your maid of honor. I, I have one sister, I, she was not my maid of honor, she was a bridesmaid. I’m much closer with my best friend.

Same for my husband. He had his brother in the wedding, but he was not his best man. And

Lucette Brown: yeah, the same with my husband.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No one took it personally and it’s fine.

Lucette Brown: move on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No rule. for mine, I asked if she wanted the role and she said no. So I asked my best friend who I’m honestly closer with anyway, so there you go.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: She also won’t be at my Vegas wedding since she’s not 21 and doesn’t have the money to go. So not only that,

Lucette Brown: okay, well, yeah,

yeah, like why would you pick a Vegas wedding if, you know she can’t come anyway? Like,

Christa Innis: yeah. Which I guess I’ve never thought about that before.

I would think a Vegas wedding. As long as it’s not, they’re not drinking. Wouldn’t they be able to go, I guess I’ve never looked into that. Never been to a Vegas wedding.

Lucette Brown: I don’t know. ’cause the laws in Australia is, once you’re 18 you can drink and drive.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: You can do everything at 18. So

Christa Innis: I know the United States is weird about all that.

It’s like you can do like

Lucette Brown: 16, 21,

Christa Innis: 21. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Find you, one could also argue that. Yeah, cool. Asia 18, here’s your car keys and here’s a beer. Have fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like it’s also problematic.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All at once, but all

Lucette Brown: at

Christa Innis: once. I think they’re so strict. I mean, I get on a tangent about this. I feel like they’re so strict about alcohol here.

I mean, it’s different per state. Like where I’m at. I’m trying to think what it’s, if you’re with a parent, you can drink at a, like, you can order a drink at a bar if you’re with a parent under 18. It’s very weird. But there’s like that little gray area though. If you’re 18 to 21, you can’t because you’re a legal adult, but you’re not old enough to drink.

Lucette Brown: To drink. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: So it doesn’t make sense.

Lucette Brown: Yeah. So that would be weird,

Christa Innis: but there’s all this like hype around drinking, so that’s why I think kids have like more issues with it because like they can drive at 16 and then they, like thisthing is over their head of like, Ooh, you can drink when you’re 21.

So they try to like, you know, sneak it on, all that stuff. But that’s a whole,

Lucette Brown: I feel like all 16 year olds are sneaking in alcohol.

Christa Innis: True. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: No matter the country.

Christa Innis: That’s probably right. Alright, so she ends it with, am I wrong for feeling hurt and upset? I’m honestly just leaving it alone and doing the bare minimum until she figures things out.

If she ever does,

Lucette Brown: I’m upset. I think you both just need to call it quits and just move on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think like if you,

Lucette Brown: I think either one of you are happy with the either like I think they’re both, yeah, I think they’re both like, oh, but she kiss’s my sister. It’s like, yeah, just make ’em your guest.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Like.

Christa Innis: It sounds like it’s so far gone. I don’t wanna say it’s far gone where they can’t fix it, but I feel like there’s a lot of like pent up anger. So if it’s like they both decide that they want to move forward, they need to hash it all out and just let everything else go.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I don’t think either side, like you said, I don’t think either side’s innocent.

I think they both have like some toxicity. I don’t know if they grew up with like the competitive vibe, but that’s what I’m getting. just her phone though, the tone of how she talks about her sister is so degrading. Ah,

Lucette Brown: I was put off from the very get go.

I don’t like where this is going.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. So it’s like, I wouldn’t say like, you’re wrong for feeling hurt. Anyone can feel hurt or

Lucette Brown: no. And your feelings are your feelings and your feelings are always valid. but I wouldn’t say that she’s in the right and the other sister’s in the wrong. I would say that they’re both probably in the wrong.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say your sister has every right to feel upset too, and I feel like you guys need to either figure it out or just keep distance for a bit. Yeah. and just remember she’s your little sister. I mean, she’s five years younger than you. be more supportive, it sounds like.

Yeah. Not very supportive. No. and you might listen to this back and be like, well, you don’t know the whole story. Tell us more. I’ll read it. I’ll try my best. But from this, it just sounds There’s like a lack of support maybe from both sides. And I feel like when you’re too far into it of just being competitive, then nothing can really

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: You’re blind.

Lucette Brown: Oh yeah. I know. I I think if yeah, you’re that, that unhappy with someone, either hash it out because you really care about the relationship and make it work or don’t, and then see if maybe time heals it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lucette Brown: Because then neither one of them are gonna be happy if they keep doing what they’re doing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And you don’t wanna hold onto that resentment on your wedding day, either of them. So I feel like either need to figure it out before and then just really truly be supportive of them on their wedding day. And if you feel like you can’t be supportive, then step down from your role.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Thanks for coming to our TED Talk.

Wedding Speech Fails and Social Media Chaos

Christa Innis: Yes, thank you. Alright, well that was a wild story. Change of events. all right. Well. I like to end with a couple of confessions that people send me and then we will be on our way. So these are about wedding speeches. So this one says, best man was tanked and roasted the groom for 15 minutes for sucking at basketball in seventh grade.

He couldn’t get to the point,

Lucette Brown: why would you put that in a speech?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that sounds like a weird like dig at the girl.

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: oh my gosh.

Lucette Brown: It just seems like a weird thing to bring up at someone’s wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think person sometimes when people don’t know what else to say, they just think of like the most random story about the person.

yeah.

Lucette Brown: So we have had some shocking,

Christa Innis: this last one says, maid of honor said it was weird, she wasn’t there. Marrying the best man, awkward post breakup. In her speech

Lucette Brown: again. Why would you bring this up at their wedding?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not the time or the place to turn it around and think it about you.

Lucette Brown: everyone always does though.

Not everyone, but people do. Baffles me like the day’s not about you.

Christa Innis: No. My gosh. That’s like my nightmare. All right, well thank you so much for coming on and thank you for dealing with my mom brain of like scheduling and all that and being very flexible.

Lucette Brown: Thanks for dealing with mine with responding.

Christa Innis: No, either way, I’m, glad it worked out and I’m, we gotta chat for a bit.

Lucette Brown: we got there in the end.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So again, where can everybody follow you, find your content and anything exciting you’re working on?

Lucette Brown: so on TikTok is events and affairs. YouTube is events and affairs, and I’ve just created a Facebook because everyone kept saying that my content was being shared on there anyway.

so I was like, well, I might as well share my own content.

So I’ve just created a Facebook too, which is events and affairs.

Christa Innis: Oh, good. Awesome. get that verified because there’s a lot of people out there on Facebook that like to steal and,

Lucette Brown: mm.

Christa Innis: It’s creepy. ‘ cause I’m like, that’s one thing I never expected about making content is that people would pretend to be you and Yeah.

Take your profile picture and like

Lucette Brown: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Someone messaged.

Lucette Brown: It’s weird.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I don’t like,

Lucette Brown: and then like, I get all these like tags in like TikTok too, and like I’m blocked, but they’re pretending to be me. And like one time on TikTok, I literally like, ’cause I had all of these followers and it was all my content and they were literally pretending to be me and I kept trying to like report them.

And then I just put up like a video saying, Hey guys, like just FYI. This page isn’t me. It’s not me.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lucette Brown: I was the one that got flagged.

Christa Innis: Are you serious?

Lucette Brown: I got a strike on my account. I’m like, but I’m me. I’m me. Like, I’m me.

No it for harassment. I’m like, all I said was that. This isn’t like, literally I was, Hey guys, this isn’t me. this is a fake account. That’s if you’re following this one, it’s the wrong one. And I got a strike.

Christa Innis: That is wild. That

Lucette Brown: it’s like

Christa Innis: I made a,

Lucette Brown: so I’ve learned my lesson. Just never do it again.

Christa Innis: Just, yeah, I, I know. It’s like you just can’t even say anything because all you can do is just say like, hi, like this is my account. Like showing it. Yeah. Because I did the same thing. I just changed like my names on Facebook and other platforms and I was like, Hey guys, by the way, this is my only Facebook page.

I share this stuff. Someone reported an old work page I had, so I worked for a mommy and baby company and with that I had like a business page ’cause I would share like videos in there.

Lucette Brown: Mm.

Christa Innis: We reported that and removed the page, so I got notification. They’re like, oh, you’re Krista, MK, b page is gone.

I was like, that doesn’t even share wedding stuff. So I was someone like, oh,

Lucette Brown: okay.

Christa Innis: So I was like, okay guys, just so you know, like. Only report if they’re like pretending to be me and sharing wedding videos. don’t just,

Lucette Brown: yeah, because that, that actually was me.

Christa Innis: That was actually my page. I mean, it was an old job, so it doesn’t really matter, but I was just like, I get it.

You were trying to be like helpful, but it’s, well,

Lucette Brown: yeah.

Christa Innis: Well, awesome.

Lucette Brown: So yes.

Christa Innis: Well thank you so much for coming on and

Lucette Brown: Oh, thanks for having me.

Christa Innis: That was a lot of fun.

Lucette Brown: Thanks.

by Christa Innis

MILs, Feuds & Furry Guests — From the Vault with My MOH Ivette

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

When “I do” turns into “I don’t know what to do.” Wild.

From unexpected guest list debates to a mother-in-law meltdown that left everyone speechless, Me and my best friend Ivette dive into the wild world of wedding chaos. This episode is packed with hot takes, emotional moments, and wedding horror stories you won’t believe! Should couples feel obligated to invite family? Is banning kids a crime? And why are so many in-laws acting like it’s THEIR big day?

Listen in as I and my BFF and MOH Ivette spill the tea, share our own experiences, and remind you—it’s YOUR wedding, your rules.

JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

15:44 From Acquaintances to Best Friends

19:06 Hot Takes: Kids at Weddings & Wearing White

19:59 Wedding Guest List Drama: Who Stays & Who Goes?

27:15 Wedding Horror Story: The Mother-in-Law Meltdown

32:45 When Wedding Paperwork Goes Wrong

38:10 Wedding Confessions: Bridesmaid Disasters & Petty Payback

43:21 Ending the Drama: Mental Health & Marriage Advice

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Me and Ivette’s friendship journey—how we met and became inseparable
Wedding guest list debates: Obligation vs. personal preference
Mother-in-law horror stories: When family feuds take center stage
Unpopular wedding opinions: Kids at weddings, guests wearing white, and more
The pressure of tradition: When “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t work for you
Wedding planning vs. Marriage preparation—what really matters?
Bridesmaids & boundaries: What’s fair to expect from your wedding party?
The most shocking wedding confessions submitted by listeners

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
“Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
“Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
“Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
“If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Ivette:

Ivette is not just a special guest—she’s one of my closest friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding. As a supportive friend who has been part of my journey long before Here Comes the Drama was even an idea, Ivette brings warmth, humor, and thoughtful insights to the conversation. With a deep appreciation for meaningful relationships and personal growth, she shares her take on wedding traditions, family dynamics, and setting boundaries in the chaos of wedding planning. Whether reflecting on her own experiences or reacting to jaw-dropping wedding drama, Ivette keeps it real with heart and honesty.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and if you are listening for the first time, welcome. We are the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings, events, and beyond. And today’s episode, of course, is packed with some juicy stories and hot takes that you will not wanna miss. Now we’re doing things a little bit different this time, and I’m releasing a never before shared episode with my best friend, Ivette. So a little background to this episode when I first. Plan this podcast out. So the first episode came out of January this year, which is wild to think about. We’re almost a year at this.

I like had a full roster of who I was going to interview or who I was gonna have on the podcast. And of course I wanted my best friend Ivette on there. She was the maid of honor in my own wedding. And so I figured, you know, we’d have a lot of fun stories to share. And so the first time I had her on, we recorded, gosh. It was after our, our kids went to bed we were on Zoom. And so, um, I wanna say it was like nine o’clock at night. So we’re both like tired and we recorded, and I think we’re both just kinda like perfectionist. Where afterwards, she texted me the next day and she was like, do you wanna redo it?

Or like, are you happy with it? And I think I was in my overthinking phase of this is just getting off the ground. Right? And I was like. I mean, we can redo it if you want, but like, let’s do a different story since we already like truly like live reacted to that one. And so recently I was like, I forgot we have that episode. And I was like, I just wanna listen to it. And I listened to it and it’s actually really good and it’s a shocking story. And it’s very real, uh, um, not like they’re normally not, but it’s just like. It’s two tired moms, AKA us, um, chatting and we’re just like doing a real reaction of what the story, and we’re just doing a real reaction.

And so I really liked it and I was like, you know what? I’m gonna share it. So I texted her and I was like, Hey, are you cool if I share this episode? I was there’s some really good insight. And um, it was a lot of fun. And she’s like, yeah, go ahead and share it. So I think we were just both in our stage of like, perfectionism and I was like nervous because I was so new. So when I do play it, which is gonna be in a minute, um, we’re gonna. She’ll be introducing herself and obviously since then I’ve had her on the podcast two different times. So, um, you guys, if you’ve listened, you know her now, but she’ll reintroduce herself then. This was recorded originally either February or March of this year.

So we are here now. Gosh. Eight, nine months later. So just to keep that in mind, a lot has changed since then. The layout of the podcast has changed as well, so I’m gonna play that in a minute. But before I do that. Next week is Thanksgiving. And what would Thanksgiving be if I just didn’t say a little note to you guys of how truly grateful I am for all of you. I mean, this is the most incredible community. I never saw this happening. I mean, when I was on my maternity leave two and a half years ago now, um. I just decided to pick up my phone and do a silly little skit. And you guys thought it was funny. And I remember keeping it a secret for so long because not like I was ashamed of it, but I just didn’t really know where it was gonna go.

And I feel like when you start telling people, you start viewing yourself differently, and I feel like you start acting a certain way. And so, um, I kept it kinda like to myself. Only my husband knew I was gonna do it. And it was this weird little thing. Like once my daughter would go to bed, I would like film in the bathroom. And I was like, what is my life right now? But it’s turned into so much more. It’s turned into this storytelling. It’s allowed me to share. So many stories from people from all over the world. I also am able to create my own stories, which, um, if you guys have been following, following me for a bit, you know, I love creating stories.

That’s what I went to school for. I’ve always loved writing. And so it’s just sparked something in me that I truly enjoy. And so, um, thank you to just like any of you guys for watching, for sharing, for listening on the podcast. No matter where you found me or how you found me, I’m just so grateful that you’re here now. And this is just the beginning. Um, this, because of this platform, I feel like I have the opportunity to share more and to help more and to hopefully make an impact. Um. And by the time this comes out, this might be a little late news, but like, for example, with everything happening with people losing their benefits and with, um, you know, I mean just the world is struggling right now.

So many people are struggling and so I did a. Feeding America fundraiser. Um, earlier last, actually at the end of last week, and in two days we raised $3,000, which was just incredible. And so hopefully, hopefully by the time this comes out, we can even double that. And that’s just a little teaser of like the kind of things I wanna keep doing. I wanna be able to help more people to. Share more ways of, um, impacting others as well. And um, I know I’m kind of going on a tangent now, but it just really means a lot to me, this community. And I don’t really take a time to sit back and just really realize what we’ve got going on here. And so to my, from the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say thank you.

Okay. Now I’m not gonna cry or anything. Let me get into the next segment. Okay. So before I get into, um, the previously recorded episode that no one has ever heard before, um, this is a wedding dilemma. So my brand new segment called Wedding Dilemmas or Wedding 9 1 1, um, is where people are sending me. They DM me, they email me current or past dilemmas. They’re kind of going through and they want just. Other feedback from people they want, honest, maybe unprofessional, um, advice from me. Um, what to do in the situation. So I got a longer one today, so we’re gonna read this one and I’ve not read it entirely. So let’s see what we got. Um, if you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me at Christa or.

If you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma and we will get to it. Okay, here is today’s wedding dilemma. So I’ve been a longtime watcher of your TikTok channel, and I’ve actually been engaged for a couple of years, but I was constantly getting met with a lot of apathy and negativity when I first started to try to plan the wedding. Not for my fiance of course. Recently my mom bought my wedding dress, and so we finally started to get the ball rolling. But in doing so and setting the date, everything is getting more real and some people are starting to ask the questions. I’ve been dreading. The main one is who is going to officiate?

That is an interesting question for people to ask because. I don’t think people asked me that unless I’m just forgetting. And that’s also not my first question when I hear someone’s engaged or planning their wedding. Um, it’s a fun question, but I don’t know. Interesting. My dad got ordained a few years ago. Okay. This is why. And he has a officiated, a couple of family weddings so far and he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he really wants to officiate my wedding. We know how I feel about family or friends coming in and demanding or making hints at being a part of the wedding as a vendor. And yes, an officiant is considered a vendor, right?

Fisht photographer or dj. They’re all vendors. They’re typically contracted and paid. So he’s trying to kind of get in there. I would just worked a wedding where the stepdad was the officiant and it was amazing. It was beautiful, but they asked him to do it. He had never done it before and he was so nervous, but he did a great job, but, and they asked him to do it because he’s so meaningful in their life. Okay. Um, there are multiple reasons. I do not want him to do this. The main reason is I’ve given, the main reason I’ve given is that for that day, I want him just to be the father of the bride and nothing else. I just want my dad. That is, that is all you need. That is a great reason alone. But I get it. If he’s been pushing for this, he might not understand, but like, I wanna do this for you, you know?

Now onto the reasons I don’t say to him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was pretty young and he left us okay this off the bat. Why would you want someone that cheated, especially on your own mother to officiate your wedding? I know I want it. Like that’s just, to me, that’s like a bad omen Don’t you want someone that like really values marriage and relationship and building blocks of moving forward? I mean, at least I do. Um, he had kids with the other woman that he also wasn’t present for. Oh gosh. Because he would leave her and get back together with my mom, and the entire situation was so messy. Oh my gosh. So he’s now screwing up and hurting two families because of his own selfishness. At the end of the day, I don’t want a man who couldn’t respect his marriage to officiate mine.

Yes, I agree with you. Number two, I am Christian, but my fiance is not. And while we are incorporating some Christian symbolism into our vows and our ceremony, we would also like to incorporate other things from his beliefs. I feel like my dad is going to push for an overly Christian ceremony that is gonna make both of us uncomfortable. And here’s the thing too, the hypocrisy, right? So. she’s Christian, so but she sounds very like accepting of like her husband’s not, so she wants to do a little mix of like what both of their beliefs. Right. Which I think is very normal and very wonderful. But for the dad to be like, he cheated in the sanctity of marriage.

He cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant. Doesn’t father those children or these children, leaves his families constantly, right. He wants to push for this very Christian wedding, and it’s like, okay, okay, what are we doing here? Um, number three, my dad believes in the role of wife, so to speak, and I absolutely hate this particular belief. Mostly just for how it has manifested with my own mom and how he believes I should accept being treated by a partner if I marry someone. So he probably thinks. even though he cheated, his wife should still accept him back because he’s the man. Right. I have been to so many weddings where I’ve heard very sexist language about the role of a woman, and I don’t wanna hear it on my wedding date.

Yeah. I I wouldn’t either. No. That’s something that I, when I was picking, um, an officiant side story, I was gonna have my uncle do it. He married all the cousins in our family. He’s my godfather. But, um, he was actually expecting a baby. Um, so the timing just didn’t work out, which I was so bummed about. But we ended up finding an amazing afic on the Knot. This is not sponsored. I literally just googled one day and the Knot came up and I found this amazing reverend um, Reverend Marsha. Shout out to her ’cause she’s amazing. Um. And one thing that I loved about her was that we had multiple zoom calls. We met in person and we went over the full ceremony detail by detail.

What kind of, what kind of thing are you looking for? Do you want it religious or not? Do you want a mix of religions? Do you want, um, a prayer? Do you want a unity? Like she really customize it for the couple and then before we agreed to it, or before we actually like had our rehearsal, um, she let us view. The prayers that were gonna be read, she had us view how she was gonna open it. Um, and we were able to say take this part out, put this part in. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about getting married is being able to customize it to you and your partner. Right. So just to kind of like jump the gun a little bit.

Sounds like this Dad was like, this is how it’s gonna be. I’m gonna tell you. How your marriage should be, even though he didn’t live up to his marriage. Um, uh, how it, how even though he didn’t live up to how the sanctity of marriage should be. Right Now, to some of my points, you may say, I need to. Now to some of my points, you may say, I need to just communicate with my dad that I don’t wanna hear that type of language, or just communicate on one type of ceremony I wanna have. But he’s incredibly condescending and dismissive when my point of view opposes his.

Ooh. To be frank, I’m concerned that because this is so important to him, it’s going to have ripple effects into our relationship. It took us years to get to a good place Again, I have considered letting him do the ceremony just because I know how important it’s to him, but at the end of the day, it feels like I’m constantly sacrificing my happiness and my comfort so the other people can feel special and seen. I want to feel seen on this one day. Okay. You know exactly what you want and you know exactly what you need to do. And I’m gonna tell you based on what you just told me, right? You can’t have your dad officiate your wedding. Plain and simple. He’s not going to follow what you tell him to. He’s gonna put his own beliefs in there about.

Your role as the wife, you are gonna have this built up resentment because of how he treated your family, specifically your mom and you kids that he doesn’t talk to. I don’t know if you have siblings, why start your marriage off with your partner with someone that did not respect their own marriage? Right. And I think this is the time where you really need to put your foot down. And yes, communicate with him. Absolutely. But just tell him again and be firm. I want you there as my dad and my dad. Only you can walk me down the aisle. We’ve actually already found Blink to officiate the wedding and leave it simple.

If he asks questions, you can give him some details. Um, if he seems like he’s going to try to do something or grab a mic, or make a speech or take over the ceremony, you need to be very clear that if he does not do this, he will be asked to leave. And that might seem harsh to some people listening, but now I’ve heard so many stories where people do this kind of thing. If they’re not given the position they want, or they’re not allowed to be photographer, they’re not allowed to do this, then Oh, I’m not coming, or you’ll regret it. But I truly, truly believe based on everything you’re telling me and how your relationship is with your father and how you’ve had to work back up to this spot, you will regret having him officiate your wedding.

There are certain things that yes, over time you can rebuild, but the fact that he’s dismissive, still condescending to you and you’ve seen him speak at weddings before where he’s very sexist. I think all signs point to no. So you gotta be firm. If you need someone behind you, obviously your partner is gonna be behind you.

Um, I don’t know his relationship with your mom currently. Um, it sounds like he kind of goes back and forth so. She needs to be on your side as well. Um, get everybody on your side and in the meantime, find someone that you guys both agree on should officiate your wedding and get on the same page. And that point, he can’t fill the role if it’s already been filled. So I hope that helps. I hope that was considered some good advice, but I just, like, I read through it and I’m just like, no, everything you’re saying. He tells me he should not officiate your wedding. You truly deserve to have the best day, feel seen and have a ceremony that really represents you and your partner in the best way.

So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well. And please send us updates. I would love to hear updates and um, hope everything goes well. All right guys. Now as I said, we are going to play, um, my previously recorded episode never before shared with my best friend and maid of honor, Ivette. So without further ado, please enjoy I.

Christa Innis: Welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I’m so excited. I’m just going to dive right in because one of my very best friends and was the actual maid of honor in my own wedding, my good friend, Ivette, welcome to the show.

Ivette: Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never done a podcast before, so I’m excited.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I knew like right away when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it in some way. guys like Ivette is just like. The kindest person. She’s like, we can go on and on about like how we met and all that stuff. But like, basically, our husbands have been best friends for a while.

So we met through them. But, she has been one of the most supportive and I don’t want to start crying. It’s an emotional day, guys. But, she’s just been one of the most supportive friends I could ever ask for. And so, here we go!

Ivette: Christa, when don’t you cry? I

Christa Innis: know! I was just telling someone, it was a joke at my wedding, that, like, in your speech, and Matt, who is Ivette’s husband, Both talked about how I cry all the time.

Yes. And it’s like not always sad stuff. It’s like happy stuff. It’s like I’m grateful listening to Taylor Swift, you know, whatever. but no, Ivette’s such a supportive friend. And so I knew that when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it. So, I’ll stop the tears. Ivette, if you want to do like a little intro of like who you are and then we’ll dive into this crazy, drama.

Ivette: yeah, so I’m Ivette. something fun about me, I don’t really, yeah, I guess, I just met Christa through my husband, who’s best friends with her husband, and it was kind of like a crazy journey because, I had like known, we’ve known each other, but we never really like hit it off. I think it was just, it wasn’t our time.

And then my husband and I were getting married. and Christa was just, again, so supportive, so kind. I think that when you always, like when anyone gets to know you, you always are so warm and welcoming and you always see people. that are like left out in the corner and again, I’m talking about you, right?

But, I’m just so grateful to be your friend. So if I were to introduce myself, I am your friend. I’m someone that has been cheering you on and that, has heard about this podcast. Probably like five years ago before it was even a thing before you even started any of it. so I’ve been hearing about, different titles and, different ways that you wanted to start this.

And yeah, I’m just so proud of you. and being a part of just one episode means a lot. So,

Christa Innis: well, I’m proud of you. I remember you’re talking about like your, wedding. And so at that point when Ivette was like planning her wedding, like, I think it was Matt. Matt might have still been living with us. I’m not even sure at that point, but no, at that point.

Ivette: You guys are like our wedding in the city or when we lived in the city. We lived in the city when we got married,

Christa Innis: right? Okay. Yes. Yeah. And, but I remember like asking, like, we were just talking about your wedding planning and stuff and we were not like super close friends. We were more like acquaintances.

We would see each other at things and we were obviously always friendly. But I remember specifically like asking you like, Oh, what are your, like, what are you doing for your wedding colors? what are your bridesmaids dress? Like just asking questions and then like. Before I knew it, like, I ended up just being, like, a part of your wedding stuff.

I wasn’t in the wedding, but, like, there the night before, like, we hung out, and, like, I just

Ivette: Yeah. And I always say like, you should have been a part of my wedding because you did so much for my wedding. Like, you just have that natural gift to like, want to help people or be there for people.

And looking back at it, like we were starting to be close friends at that point it felt like. And I feel like that brought us even closer together. but even that night, I just remember like, you should stay with all my bridesmaids. Like you’ve been a part of the process, just like be with me kind of thing. And so it was, yeah, really good to have you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and then it was like we got closer and then when Zach and I started, when we got engaged, I was like, hands down, like, Ivette’s gonna be my maid of honor, or matron of honor, as I guess it’s technically called, but, okay. enough of Cause guys, we can like, Ivette and I could talk for hours and just like, keep going.

So I’ll kind of like forget that it’s being recorded. okay. Let’s jump in to, I always like to start with crazy stories and wedding hot takes. I know we were kind of talking about that before we started. So do you have any like crazy stories that come right off the bat and not to put you on the spot, kind of talk through some wedding hot takes as well.

Ivette: I don’t know if I, I honestly haven’t been, Like in as many weddings as you have, I feel like you were like 27 dresses kind of situation. Like you’ve had so many bridesmaids dresses. I haven’t had any like wild stories. I’ve had some fun bachelorette parties. but that’s really it. Nothing other than one too crazy. So,

Christa Innis: yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And I feel like too, it It seems like so long ago and we were like all in like, I feel like there was just wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding for a while and then there kind of been some pause and I’ve been like babies, you know, all that stuff.

So, okay, so let’s get into some hot takes. So these are hot takes that people sent in. And so let’s kind of react to them and see what we think. So the first one says couples should stick to a traditional guest list Or is it okay to make bold cuts for budget or personal reasons? So I share first. Sure. Yeah.

Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries

Ivette: here’s the thing. I come from a really, really big family and I am someone who’s been trying to break cycles and I think that family is a good thing when it’s people that reach out to you when it’s people that show that they care about you and want to engage with you and have been a process from the beginning, maybe even halfway.

But if it’s someone that feels entitled to be a part of your big day, just because. I’m like, cut them out. If it’s unhealthy, like, I don’t want you a part of it.there’s a part of me that wants to follow tradition. but also traditions can get us into trouble and can get us into cycles. And, unhealthy relationships. And I’m not about that. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah, just saying the yes just because they’re a family member or somehow related or they were your neighbor growing up. Like, we need to, I feel like, evaluate each relationship and how, not necessarily how they serve us, but how we’ve, like, served each other. It might be, like, both ends of it, because I feel like a lot of times when I share stories, people are like, Oh, well, that bride is, entitled. And it’s like, we have to look at it from both angles. Like, have they reached out to each other in the past couple of years? Or has that person ever asked about the bride’s life? Or, you know, that kind of thing. It’s, important.

Ivette: Yeah, and I even think, like, I didn’t have any kids at my wedding, unless it was, like, People that were in the party, like the brides, my bridesmaids or the groomsmen and it was like their kids, that kind of thing. That’s okay. But for me, it’s okay to be like, Hey, no kids, because I don’t want to be worried about kids at my wedding.

You know what I mean? I don’t want them to like take away. And that’s not to say that like, Oh, I’m being like a bridezilla, but it’s more like it’s my day. And I get to be there with all the people that I love. And I really want to like, enjoy that,

Christa Innis: yeah, I think kids is always like a really hot topic because everyone’s like really strongly opinionated and I was like to remind people that you can be as opinionated as you want for your own money, you know, because it’s not up to us to dictate how someone else does their own day or like what their relationship is like some people want it.

Every single person to bring all their kids and add 50 people to the guest list and other people are like, you know what? I’m gonna invite just like immediate family kids or you know, whatever. So that’s so important I think it would definitely I would say this to Zach I feel like it’d be a lot harder now like now getting married with like having so many close friends and their kids because Back when, like, I got married and you got married, like, a lot of us didn’t have kids yet.

And so it was a lot easier to be like, okay, like, we can make a cut here because, you know, there aren’t a lot yet. Yeah. I feel like this is like an obvious one, but do you think it’s okay for guests to wear white to a wedding?

Ivette: No.

Christa Innis: If the couple doesn’t explicitly say not to. No.

Ivette: No, like, you cannot wear white.

I think, I have sweet friends that are like, Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. But if I were a guest at their wedding and somebody else is wearing white, I’d be like, You need to go change. Like, go change. This is her day. That’s not okay. Yeah. that part of the tradition. I’m like, that needs to stay.

Christa Innis: yeah, unless it says this is a black and white tie affair or whatever, which even then, I think I would still pick a black dress.

Ivette: Absolutely. Like,

Christa Innis: I would just feel very, very odd to wear a white gown to someone else’s wedding. yeah, I feel like that’s one of those things where I feel like if you are wearing a white dress to someone’s wedding, you know what you’re doing.

Ivette: You want the attention on you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you can’t claim ignorance. During the pot. Yeah. Okay. Jumping into a fun segment. Pick a side wedding drama debates. Okay. So these are a couple of things that people also have shared on Instagram. we’re going to kind of call unpopular opinions, but sometimes I read them and I’m like, I agree with you.

Okay. If a parent helps pay for the wedding, they don’t have as much say because it still is not their wedding. I agree.

Ivette: you don’t have to pay for the wedding, like that, you’re gifting that, so I think it’s their wedding, you gift it, it’s not like I’m gonna gift you a t shirt and I’m gonna say like, this is where you can wear it, you can’t wear it here, you can only wear it with these people, so I look at it the same way, it’s a gift and that’s it, and they can spend it how they’d like.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that is a great point about a t shirt. I tried sharing a similar analogy like that online one time and I would say like half people got half in it because I think people are so stuck on. Well, if I’m giving that much money, I better like be there making decision. It’s like you can be involved as much as a bride and groom wants, but you cannot go over their head or have strings attached to every little thing for sure. this can be like kind of a hot take. People are more worried about the party than what it means to get married and have a marriage.

Ivette: Unfortunately, I’m going to say yeah, like I tried really hard for my wedding to vocalize it and in my speech, I really wanted to make it a point like, hey, thank you all for being here, because this is the start of our marriage. And you guys are here, not to party with us yes it was a party, but like to witness this, and the people in our wedding party, including you. I feel like I’ve been invited to be a part of my marriage and like support us when we’re struggling, when we’re having a good time to like celebrate the highs and like hold us in the lows.

And so I think unfortunately, from a larger perspective, it is all about the party and like following the trends and like showing, I don’t know, just like having the most beautiful wedding and the most beautiful dress, but I have been so encouraged. I’ve been with. My really good friends who are, are not, all like that. They’re not like that. And it’s really, they’re laid back and they’re just so happy to be married to the love of their life, and I think that’s what it really needs to be about.

Christa Innis: yeah, I think it’s a really good indication, like, when we see lot of the celebrity weddings, and they spend, like, sometimes a million.

I think I just saw, like, Kim Kardashian spent, like, 11 million at the wedding with, like, Chris Humphrey? I’m not very For some for you. Attuned to those things. Yeah. Okay. So you’re more Taylor Swift. I’m more Taylor Swift. Yeah. Taylor Swift. but yeah, so they spent like 11 million and people think like, Oh, it’s this amazing wedding.

They put all this money in, but it didn’t last long. And so I think people need to remember like, yes, it’s a great time to celebrate with friends and family, but, we should be worried, not worried, but like more focused on is what’s to come. What’s down the line. Because if it’s all about show and, the big day, then we’re kind of losing that a little bit.

Ivette: Yeah, I agree 100%.

The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so I want to jump in because I know we don’t have a ton of time. So I want to jump in and read, this week’s story. so we’ll just kind of read it and then we’ll react as it goes. she says, or they say, because I don’t know what it is. Okay. Hi, I’ll try to make it shorter, but there is a lot of drama. My mother in law and sister in law showed up late to my wedding, missing most of the pictures, only taking ones with my husband. My sister in law brought her dog to the wedding, not a service animal, and inside the church. Late on the pews and in the reception hall around the food, there was a minor issue with the food being put out by the church attendants that turned into the little old church ladies yelling at my mom and making her cry.

All she was going to do was get the food out for my guests. Okay, already we’re off to a rough start. Yikes.

Ivette: Yikes.

Christa Innis: my mother in law witnessed this and tried apologizing to the church ladies, telling them their family is trash and I wish my son never married her. Oh, that’s bad. That is bad. My sister walked in on the convo and my mother in law stuck her finger into my sister’s chest saying, you’re the worst of them.

I can’t let this happen at someone’s wedding. We then had to kick my mother in law out of the wedding. After yelling at multiple people, she stayed outside the event, throwing a fit, and telling anyone who listened to her that we were terrible people. She somehow got back into the wedding reception as the mother and son dance was announced. Why, I would be like running to the DJ being like, we’re not doing that dance anymore.

Ivette: Like, yeah, no, you’re out. I just want to know like what the husband did. Like, what did he do?

Christa Innis: That’s my thought. I feel like so many times in these stories, like, The bride submits it to me or like someone in the wedding party.

And we don’t hear anything about what the groom was doing or like where he was. But I feel like that should be the like, not tiebreaker, but the person being like, okay. We need you to calm down, mom.

Ivette: Yeah, like, where is he, what is he doing to support his new wife? Like, the red flags, red flags already.

Christa Innis: Like, come on. Yes, especially like this mother and son dance. Why is that still happening if she was kicked out? Yeah. She must, I feel like she like, went and was like, ready for it somehow. Like, went in back door.let’s see. It says, my husband did the dance with her. But all of the pictures show my husband’s mad face with her. So, okay, so he was mad, but he still did this dance with her.

Ivette: It’s so hard. Like, okay, it’s hard because, okay, I put myself in his shoes. It’s like, am I going to regret not having the dance with my mother? Okay. Like I get that. But also like his mom just made his life so complicated because now he has to like, in a sense, choose between his.

New family, his family now, his wife, his family and his mother and that you as a parent, you shouldn’t want to do that for your son, yeah, I feel like, okay, maybe you aren’t,like happy with this choice. And maybe it’s not like your first choice, but that’s on him and for you to do that and like ruin their wedding if my mother in law did that to me, I. Would not be talking to her and my husband supported her or like didn’t stand up for me and my family That would be very concerning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s an odd thing where you do hear a lot It happens more with Boy moms, where it’s like my son, like you’re taking my son away from me and it seems very dramatic and a lot of the skits I do but so many comments are like this happened to me, this was my reality until we cut her off or something like that and I’m like I can’t even imagine because like I have an amazing mother in law too, it’s like I could never imagine her treating me that way and but when you hear these stories you’re like what is it that makes them so cool.

I don’t know. Is it a jealousy thing? Is it like losing time with their son? getting older. They’re going to miss out. but ultimately they’re just pushing their son further away. Absolutely. I don’t

Ivette: know what it is. Like I only have girls, like, I can’t picture what it would be like to be a boy mom and then have to like let go of my son.

I feel like, I would want to do like girl talk with my daughter in law and like, Do girl stuff with her. So it’s just, strange to me to think.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t know. Yeah, that’s, my thought too. And it’s like, growing your family or adding into your family.

I feel like to some of the stories that I read, it’s like they have these high expectations of who their future daughter in law should be. So if they don’t fit this picture perfect idea of what they envisioned or who they envisioned their son with, they’re going to find something wrong with them. Maybe they’re really close to their mom and, you know, they don’t like the connection or the relationship they see, then there might be, some issue there, but I don’t know.

Ivette: I also, think you, I think this might be what you’re getting at, or you mentioned it before. It’s like, they’re stealing him away, or like, Now all the maybe they spent a lot of time together or something like that Is that we were trying to get out and now it’s like no now, it’s like, okay now she’s a new priority And definitely jealousy.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy I also can’t imagine being left with so many like terrible memories of your wedding being like looking at pictures and being like oh, I remember when this happened like this is terrible like I was like to remind people is like We read these crazy stories that happen, but most of the time.

Drama does not happen, like I said, at weddings, and most of the time you won’t even know if they do happen. but when they do happen like this, people talk about them and share them because they’re like, this is outrageous. So, and not, like, not to scare people away. okay, it ends with, she then left.

Two days later, we met up at a restaurant To talk where she freaked out calling me a drunk B word because I walked around with a bottle of wine for other people and then she stormed out of the restaurant to make matters worse. Our wedding paperwork was not stamped by the county, so we were not legally married until two weeks after this, and then we had to go back and do it again with just a small group. Wait, I thought you have to then do it again.

Ivette: Well, you have like a certain amount of time to like sign the paperwork because If I remember correctly, like they give, like whenever they perform marriage ceremony, you’re not, always like signing the paperwork, right. You’re not actually getting married.

And so a lot of people like, don’t realize that I’m like, oh, we’re not actually married. So if you don’t do it. Maybe it’s like 48 or 24. I’m not sure this is wrong. by a certain time, you’re not legally married. So then, yeah, you would have to do it again. So couldn’t they have just gone to the courthouse and signed it though? They could have. I’m just, maybe they wanted, their family members to be there.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Yeah, that’s like, that is interesting because I just heard, no, where was it? I saw a video of a girl talking about they were supposed to like do all the paperwork for like their wedding coming up and their husband didn’t file the paperwork so they couldn’t get their marriage license.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, like that was something my reverend, I want to say my reverend was like, really like adamant. She’s like, don’t forget to do this. Like you need to do this this weekend. She sent me like a timeline because other than otherwise I would not have known to do that. Like,

Ivette: I mean, I didn’t even know you had to get a marriage license.

And then when you got it, I also didn’t know that it’s only good for a certain amount of time. And I didn’t know that it was like for specific County, which is crazy. Like, I didn’t know any of this. You know, I’ve never been married before. And then, did you know that some people have to get, like, their blood work done? Or, like, yeah, they have to make sure, like, for smaller towns. They used to do this, here in Illinois. They had to make sure that you weren’t somehow related, to each other. So you had to go to, like, a doctor. Improve. Yes. we should look that up. We should look that up.

Christa Innis: We should look that up. I’m gonna look that up.

Wait, I literally just started Googling, did you have to get a blood test? And I literally just had to get married. See, it goes. No, you don’t wait. Most no longer require it. But in the late eight nineteen thirties states began revolting blood tests

Ivette: for

Christa Innis: syphilis to

Ivette: show that applicants were not contagious.

Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was what they weren’t. Okay,

Christa Innis: but certain states it was with like within the last 25 years, they stopped doing it. So some probably kept it longer. Maybe that’s because there was like such an issue. Like people find out years later, like, Oh, actually married my cousin or something. The

Ivette: real, yeah. reason why I know is because my mother in law was telling me when we were getting married, she’s like, Oh, you’re lucky.

You don’t have to like get all the blood work done. I was like, what are you talking about? So yeah, that’s what I found out. So she had to do it when she

Christa Innis: had to do

Ivette: it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And she probably got married in what the eighties. Yes. So that’s not that long ago. Yeah. No. Well, I guess the eighties are going on 40 years ago.

Wait, is that 40 years ago? That’s over years ago. Yes.

Ivette: I see. I think it’s the eighties, like 20 years ago.

Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go

Christa Innis: Me too. I’m just a baby. I’m like a teenager still. I know. I know. I know. I know. Like what? that would be something actually kind of cool to look at for like future episodes to see like traditions that have changed because that’s the thing too.

I think people are so stuck on traditions when it comes to weddings. And we need to remember, like, times have changed. Like, people get offended when I post about people having private vows. They’re like, well, why even have a wedding? And it’s like, everyone has their own reasons for wanting to do things differently.

Or one girl was posting saying her family told her that her wedding didn’t count because she didn’t want to walk down the aisle by herself. So her husband actually grabbed her at the beginning and they walked together like kind of you and yeah And she was like my whole family said it wasn’t me actually getting married because it wasn’t traditional But I feel like you like let go of some of those traditions I think traditions are beautiful but we also need to look at them and be like does this make sense for me or am I comfortable with this and understand that times have changed.

Ivette: Yeah, that makes so much sense. my grandfather, he passed away now, but, I remember my mom telling me after I got married, she’s like, your grandpa was like, what is this? Like, why aren’t we at a church? My family’s Roman Catholic. And they’re really big into Catholicism. I’m not Catholic. And so I still had, different aspects or different.

part of like religion and at my wedding, but I didn’t want to add a big church because it didn’t feel right to me and my heart was like, you guys aren’t even like married because you guys aren’t married before God. I was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like some of those things you just have to like take and just like, let it roll off your back.

It’s like one of those, it’s not worth. Explaining. But yeah, I remember that, too, growing up, in the Catholic Church. It was like, it only, counts here, but it’s like, there’s so many different ways of doing it. And actually, and this is something I haven’t really fully looked into, but the Reverend at my wedding, she does, like, multiple, denominations of, like, Christian weddings or even, like, non Christian weddings.

And, my friend who still practices Catholicism, she did their wedding. But I wonder if that’s even like recognized by the Catholic Church because it’s not a priest. But I don’t know. I haven’t looked into that. So,

Ivette: which is interesting because then like moving on into your life, like if you want to have.

Like kids or have them, like do the first communion or not to get into religion, but then it’s like, wait, were you married in the church? You know what I mean? It’s very interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different. Little things to consider, but yeah, these stories just never, never seemed to shock me. I just feel like, I don’t know.

So I know we don’t have much time I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but I want to end it with our weekly confessions game. I’m still kind of figuring out how I’m like going to do this, but like people are sending me their confessions and I was having people rate it, but I don’t know if that really makes sense.

So we’re just going to read them. Okay. And react to like, your thoughts on it. This person said my bridesmaid from another state didn’t even bother to show up to anything. Just the wedding. Okay.

The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?

So when I read that. I have like a more questions and it’s not like in a judgmental way, I was one time I had questions for the bride and everyone’s like, don’t judge her. But I was like, I’m just wondering, like, the bridesmaid say she was coming to these things and then just not show up?

Or when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was like, I’ll let you know if I can make it to certain things. Like maybe she has kids or she has got multiple jobs and then just couldn’t come to a bachelorette party or couldn’t come to a shower And I think you were the same way, but like, when it came to my wedding, I told my bridesmaids, I was like, you know what, like, here’s the dresses, like pick your style.

If you can’t come to the shower, it’s okay. If you can’t come to the bachelorette party, it’s okay. In fact, I had two people not come to the bachelorette party and I think someone couldn’t make it to the shower. But to me, that wasn’t like high priority. It was like, you know what? I want you by my side at the wedding day.

So I don’t know what your takes are on that. I agree.

Ivette: I agree a hundred percent. Like I said, the other stuff is kind of like the fluff, right? Like, yes, you want them to be a part of like the journey and stuff, but they’ve been a part of your journey. Like that’s why they’re a part of your party, your wedding party.

and actually in my wedding, same thing. I had somebody come just for the wedding. And then they left and I didn’t even see them. I didn’t get to spend much time with them, but it meant so much to me that she would even like agree to be a part, of it and be a witness. To like my story with my husband.

So yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that goes back to communication is so important when you’re a bride and you’re expecting things of other people. There’s gonna be brides that like want things like this and like everyone must be in attendance where these kind of outfits and I’ve never been a part of a wedding like that.

I’ve just heard of them. so I think it’s good to be upfront and clear if you want something like that. Now, if it’s the bridesmaid saying she’s gonna come to all these things and then just bails last minute, then yeah, that’s a problem on the bridesmaid, because that’s just kind of a flaky person.

Ivette: I have a problem with like people saying that they’re gonna come and like be there. And yeah, they come, but they’re not present. I don’t know how to, like, explain that in a better way. that’s just

Christa Innis: hard

Ivette: for me.

Christa Innis: More like they’re checking a box and not actually, like Yes. A part of it.

Yes, that’s hard. Like if you were to invite someone and they were on their phone the whole time. Or sitting in the corner, not actually engaging. Yes. Yeah, then you’re like, why did you even You’re just a body right now. Right, . right. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. okay. Anytime I post about my wedding, I purposely don’t include photos of my mother in law.

Is this next confession?

Ivette: Okay.I don’t really know what to say. Okay. I feel like obviously there isn’t a good relationship with your mother in law. are you doing this on purpose because you know that your mother in law is going to see the post and not see herself? Like, are you doing this out of malice or, are you doing it because she hurt you?

And also I want to know, like, what do you bring to the table? Because, relationships are a two way street. So, like, is this just on her? It could be. But do you have faults in it? It could also be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I want to say too, like, I’ve seen on the other side, like, a friend of mine, I’m not going to give too many details because I know she’s probably listening, and I don’t want to, like, give it away, but, she had, like, kind of, like, I wouldn’t say terrible relationship with her mother in law, it was just kind of, like, they butted heads here and there, and they just did not agree on a lot of stuff, and one day she, like, looked inside herself, And then they like, they literally like had conversations and I asked her recently and she’s like, things are amazing.

Things are great. And I think sometimes we like, hold on me. No, we love no, yeah, definitely not you. but She was like, things are so great, and like, she’s like, it was just like a communication thing, and I think it’s also we put our own guards up, like if, or if we see one thing that’s kind of like, weird, then we kind of are like, I don’t know, then constantly have a guard up, or like little things that irk us, but she’s like, no, things have been amazing, and so like, I think there’s always a chance, but.

Oh,

Ivette: that’s good, yeah.

Christa Innis: But this definitely says there’s some kind of animosity between the two of them, for sure. Yeah. okay, last one before we’ll close off. I know you gotta head out. okay, sister in law called off wedding planning to elope, told us to bring food to share at a potluck reception.

I feel like I have more questions, too. only get so much. But, was there a date set and we were gonna do this whole wedding and then she was like, Hey. We’re actually just going to elope, bring some food and that’s it.

Ivette: I want to know like how much in advance, like, what was the notice like?

Like, did everyone already have their rides made, dresses, or you know what I mean? Like, did everyone have all the stuff, all the foo foo, or like paper, hair and makeup already? Cause I think that would be upsetting to me, like knowing that I’ve invested so much. but also. Like, if that’s what you want to do, like, good for you, like, that sounds fun.

And if, I support that if you’re doing it in a way that’s being respectful to the people that are in your wedding.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Like if you started playing and you’re like, this is too much for me, let’s elope. That seems more my style. Do you grow? Like I’m all about that because so many people regret their wedding.

I think when they don’t do what is true to them and their spouse. whether it’s they went big and they wanted to go small or they went small and they wanted to go big. There’s so many opinions. So just like tune it all out and do what works for you. well, I want to thank you so much for coming on.

I feel, I feel so weird being like formal with you because like not how we talk. But I try to like be like as loosey goosey as possible. But I know we didn’t really get too much into like you personally and what you personally do. But is there anything like I don’t know, cool or funny you want to share that you’re working on, or like a little bit more about you and then, I don’t

Ivette: know.

Yeah,

Christa Innis: I mean

Ivette: for me, I’m all about working with people and mental health. So I just encourage couples that like want to get married to be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, like set yourself up for success and ask really hard questions now because you don’t want to go into marriage and have to ask yourself these questions. your first year, second year, you don’t go to university without first having read the reviews and learning about the programs. You don’t get a job without understanding the salary with the hours of life. And this is like the biggest decision of your life. So, prepare, get ready for the test.

You know, you should be studying, you should be learning each other. and yeah, that’s, really my encouragement. And then another thing that I want to say is if you’re pointing your finger at your partner, Look in the mirror first, right? Like, let’s see what we can offer. Let’s see, maybe areas that we can work on.

And so, yeah, I’m all about mental health and making our relationship work, but in reality, we can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So.

Christa Innis: I need like wise words from Ivette like probably like every week because there’s so many times and I was just saying this to Ivette before we like caught on I feel like there’s always some kind of like mental break I’m having whenever I like we’re like getting together and I’m like panicking over something and I’m like why does this always happen and she’s like I’m your safe space

Ivette: and I’m like I’m safe.

People come to me because you know what, if you tell me like your lowest, I’m going to up you and tell you something lower about myself to make you feel good about yourself and make you see that, we’re all human. We can all grow.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we’re going to work on a regular segment guys.

Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you’re,busy woman. You’re a mom of two. So are you. You’re in school, you’re working, you’re doing your thing. I’m so proud of you and, Thanks so much. Yeah, of course.

by Christa Innis

Toxic Friends, Controlling Moms & Vendor Nightmares: Behind the Wedding Curtain

Ever heard of a maid of honor who made the entire wedding about herself?

This episode features one of the wildest maid of honor stories ever submitted — from crashing bridal appointments to sabotaging the shower and stirring up chaos on the big day. Her behavior had everyone on edge.

We’re also diving into stories about controlling parents putting financial pressure on young couples, vendors who ghost or show up late, and wedding speeches so cringe you’ll feel secondhand embarrassment.

Get ready for jaw-dropping confessions, real talk, and a few laughs to help you survive the wedding madness without losing your mind.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:52 Reading Listener Reviews

01:25 Social Media Updates

02:05 Book Announcement and Title Reveal

03:40 Book Writing Process

05:12 Future of Ferris and Sloan Series

06:52 Wedding Dilemmas Introduction

10:43 First Wedding Dilemma: Controlling Mother

16:46 Second Wedding Dilemma: Best Man’s Speech

19:37 Red Flag, Green Flag: Wedding Edition

21:48 Vendor Red Flags in Weddings

23:34 Wild Bridesmaid Story: The Maid of Honor from Hell

33:58 Lessons on Toxic Friendships

36:28 Cringeworthy Wedding Speeches

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Rogue Maid of Honor – From stealing attention at bridal appointments to sabotaging the shower, Megan’s jealousy wreaks havoc on the bride’s big moments.
Controlling Parents – Navigating financial stress and overbearing advice from family during engagement and wedding planning.
Vendor Nightmares – Photographers, makeup artists, and florists causing stress with miscommunications or mistakes.
Wedding Speech Fails – Cringeworthy, inappropriate, and backhanded speeches that leave guests shocked.
Bachelorette Party Chaos – Territorial bridesmaids, random guests, and drama that escalates tensions.
Red Flags & Green Flags – Spotting warning signs in friends, family, and vendors to protect your day.
Friendship Breakups – Weddings bring out everyone’s real personality — red flags just show up in heels.
Therapy & Support Systems – Leaning on your partner and friends to endure drama while keeping wedding planning joyful.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Some people just can’t let you shine, and it’s okay to snip them out of your life.” — Christa Innis
“Red flags at weddings are everywhere, from sketchy vendors to toxic bridesmaids.” — Christa Innis
“Chaos loves company, but misery loves company even more.” — Christa Innis
“You don’t give a microphone to someone who obviously hates you.” — Christa Innis
“True colors always come out during big life moments, and that’s a gift in disguise.” — Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. It’s your first time listening. Welcome, I’m so excited to have you here. You are in for a drama filled episode, some conversation about boundaries and so much more. There’s always some kind of learning experience, and if you’re not gonna learn anything, at least you can be entertained.

Um, first, first, I wanna read this week’s review. This person says, became obsessed with your skits through Facebook. I’m sure like everyone else, and love the drama, so I’m glad you have a podcast too. Such a great listen. Thank you for your kind review. As always, if you are enjoying the show, love, listening, watching, or wherever you’re listening from, please leave me a review.

It helps so many more people. Be able to find and listen to the podcast and we recently found out we are number eight under Leisure Podcast on Apple. So that was a great thing to learn. Another reminder is that I have changed my social media handle. I’m gonna keep repeating it just because there’s always fakes out there, and then people trying to take my old name.

Um, so my name now on social media is Hey Christa Innis. That’s on Instagram, TikTok, and um, YouTube, um, Hey Christa Innis and then on Facebook, it’s just Christa, because they wanna let me. Say that, take Krista in us. Um, but there is a blue check mark on both Facebook and Instagram, so make sure I have the blue check mark.You can check my Lincoln bio as well, if you’re ever unsure. It’s me. I get people tagging me and sharing, reported or stolen content all the time, and I’m like, that’s not me. I’m sorry. Um, so yeah, just to clear that up.

Drama Ever After: Book Two, Friendship Feuds & Behind-the-Scenes Chaos

Another fun announcement is that we have officially decided on the title for book number two. Um, so it’s been a long time coming. I have had Untitled for the book for a long time, and then I had a few ideas pop in my head. Actually, one idea was like. I was like, this is gonna be the winner, but I want everyone to vote fair and square like they did last time. I love getting input from you guys because you are the buyers.

You guys are the people that have been reading it have been interested in the storyline. So I wanted to hear first and foremost what you guys thought should be the title. So I put out an email, um. Pull, uh, a pull to the email list. And then I did another one on Instagram. And guys, it was so close, it was so hard because the first poll I put out in just the email list, and it was within two tied, the top two tied, and then the third right below it was like 0.5 less.

So I was like, guys not really making it much easier. So then when I did a vote again, 40% picked the top three. Um, so the winner of the book, the next in this Ferris and Sloan series will be called Drama Ever After: A Ferris and Sloan Story, and at first it wasn’t my immediate favorite. Of course I loved it because I was one of the options, but now it’s like really growing on me because it really does fit the storyline. If we are following Ferris and Sloan drama ever after, you gotta have the drama in it because it just kind of fits. So here comes the drama, drama ever after for book number two. Um, and then by the time this episode comes out, I will have submitted it to my developmental editor and then proofreader and final editor as well.

Um, typically I read the book like five or six times all the way through before actually putting it out for purchase because there’s just so many things you can miss. Or I’ll read things and be like, oh, I don’t really like how that sounds. Um, but lemme tell you, this book, book number two has way more detail than was ever in.

The, the skit, um, there’s many new scenes, many, uh, added detail that I didn’t have before and as I’m like reading it through again, ’cause basically what I do is like the skit that I put out there. I like transcribe what I’ve already written and said. And then I add in every detail. I move scenes around. I add a new scenes, I take scenes out because as I go through it again, I’m like, oh, it didn’t really make sense.

Was I really tired when I wrote that part? Or, I didn’t really want that to happen with these characters. I wanted this to happen instead. And lemme tell you guys, this is a little more PG 13. Um, we had a little more, you know, a little more, um. I don’t know, without saying it, there’s a lot more romance, a lot more intimacy, um, between some of the characters.

I don’t wanna spoil anything, but we took it to a whole new level and I am so, so, so excited for you guys to read. If you’ve not gotten your hands on book number one, now is the time. Um, we have, um, uh, what was I gonna say? This is my brain guys. Um, if you have not gotten your book, your, if you have not gotten your hands on book number one, now is the time to catch up before book number two comes out.

I don’t have dates yet. Um, there’s still, you know, some things that I’m kind of waiting for, um, more detail on. So we shall see. We shall see, um, as an indie author, you know, if I’m gonna still publish it myself or if it’s gonna go a different route. We will see, but get your hands on. Here comes the drama Ferris and Sloan story, so you can catch up on all the drama.

Um, a lot of people are asking if I’m going to do season four of here comes the drama, or I should say season four of Ferris and Sloan as a skit because I just did skit number three or season three as a skit, um, earlier this year. And I’ve been commenting back to people and I’ve talked about it a couple times, but I have no plan on doing a skit.

And here’s why. As I’ve written the book, as I just kind of said, I’ve changed things, I’ve added characters, I’ve added scenes, and it just doesn’t perfectly line up with the original story. Of course, like it follows the same storyline, but some things are changed. If I were to just keep going with the skit.

Then I have to make sure it matches just the skit. And if some people didn’t read the book yet, they might miss certain things that happened in the book. So then essentially I’m writing two different versions of the story and so far what my goal is, is to write books. And so I know this is kind of getting into a complicated discussion, but there’s gonna be a lot more coming.

In the form of books, because I love this storyline. I love these characters, but it’s getting a little more complicated to just do acting out, if that all makes sense. I know that was a lot. So as of right now, I do not have plans on doing a season four of Ferris and Sloan just because it’s getting so complicated with the, with matching the storylines between the books and the skit.

Because I can’t, ’cause not everyone’s read the story of the books. And so that’s a lot for my brain to be like, wait, did this happen in the book or the skits? So from now on, it’s what happened in the book. And then, um, I promise there will be, there’ll be more fun things to share, more fun things to come out about um, this storyline. Hopefully that wasn’t too confusing in my head. It all made sense, but sometimes you, I say things out there and it’s just not working.

Okay. Before we get into this week’s wedding dilemmas, I got some good ones guys. Um, I am seeing so many real life bridesmaid drama stories in my feeds that are, people are tagging me in. Um, and the most recent one was a girl talking about, um, ending an 18 year friendship. They’re both bridesmaids for a mutual friend and they’ve been friends since like first grade or something. I’m not gonna, you know, re-talk about what happens in the story. It’s basically like a disagreement comes to a head, right?

And all the people in the comments are like, this is over a gift. You would lose a friendship over a gift. And here’s what I notice in these friendship dilemmas or bridesmaid dilemmas. It’s not coming to a head because of something small. It’s over the years, little things have happened, and then you’re talking about a wedding where everyone’s supposed to support this one person and certain personalities come out. Right? You know, some people are better at planning some people. Maybe aren’t great at commitment to things. Maybe others don’t like social events. So like personalities all come together in one room and if one kind of outshines the other, or, um, they have to like work together on a group project essentially. Right? That’s where the true colors come out and that’s where clashing can happen.

And so I think if there’s a bigger pic picture issue, it’s not necessarily like, oh wow, these girls are so petty because they got in a fight over a gift that they’re giving the bride. It’s that little things I think built up over the years and these high intense, stressful moments just bring out the worst in some people. Um. So, I don’t know, I, you guys can let me know what you think, but I feel like there’s so much more nuance and discussion to be had about it. It’s the same when it comes to like funerals. When, when somebody passes away in a family dynamic, it can bring out a lot of interesting personalities, um, and disagreements. People fight over things, um, because it’s, it’s a high stress moment. So everyone reacts to these moments in different ways. Not saying what’s good or bad, I’m just saying like people just have to come together for this group project they didn’t necessarily want to do. And um, it doesn’t always turn out for the best.

So, yeah, uh, I just, I just keep seeing all these stories about like, friendships ending with, you know, weddings and, um, it’s unfortunate, but sometimes, like I talked about in my video not that long ago, is like, sometimes friendships just have to end there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So, just remember that.

Okay. I know that was kind of a long tangent. Next week on the podcast, I have a wedding etiquette expert. Um, she’s a New York based and she talks all kinds of etiquette when it comes to events and so much more. But we are gonna talk about wedding etiquette and I cannot wait. So if you have a lot of questions when it comes to what’s right or wrong when it comes to weddings and you know. Sending a gift, asking for gifts like so much more. We are gonna dive into all the top questions, so you wanna tune in next week?

Wedding Dilemmas: Controlling Parents, Reckless Best Men & Tough Choices

All right. We are getting into this week’s wedding dilemmas. Here’s how it works. If you’re a first time listener. People send me their current or past wedding dilemmas that they want me to address. So it’s not necessarily a long story, it’s just something that they’re either dealing with or just they’re still kind of stewing over that happened to them. And we’re gonna kind of talk about maybe what we should do in the future, or just give my my opinion, unprofessional opinion, of course, what I would do in this situation.

So take what makes sense and leave the rest. If you wanna submit one of your own. Please send me a DM on social media. Instagram’s probably the best place, um, otherwise you can email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma or wedding 9 1 1.

Okay. This first one was sent to me recently. Here we go. Drama submission. Okay, “this is currently happening in my life right now after four years of a loving relationship. I just got engaged in Norway. I am 25 and he is 26. It’s a very special place to us because my fiance’s family is there and his cousin even recorded our engagement.” That sounds like a beautiful engagement.

I was completely surprised because I said I wanted to be when? When we decided we were ready to get. Okay. Wait.

“We called our families and friends the next day so we could enjoy our little bubble of engagement bliss. My fiance’s family is so supportive and kind asking about wedding dates and welcom me welcoming me to the family with open arms. My family, on the other hand, is a completely different story. My fiance is currently a banker and work working his way up in the industry of finance and sales while I am in sales.

While I am a sales manager at a local company, my mom doesn’t believe that he makes enough money to support us. Therefore, I should hold off on the wedding to light a fire under him and make him work harder until he makes a lot more. She has always been extremely controlling and narcissistic and ruins every big moment in my life.

She has gone out of her way to scream on the phone, sent a million cruel texts, and even got my dad involved who has always stayed out of it. This has been extremely stressful, but have been encouraged by my fiance and friends to go to therapy to learn ways to endure this before I have to cut her off entirely.

Please add or do whatever you want with this story. I’d love to read comments from people who have gone through the same thing or maybe provide some encouragement while I take steps to enjoy this part of my life in big moments.” Well, first and foremost, congratulations. This is an exciting time and I think you are on the right track of like accepting therapy, accepting that you can’t change this person that’s always tried to control certain parts of your life.

I feel like you know. Exactly the, you know, the supportive people in your life and who to go to for that advice and that your mom is just trying to control, control this. Um, now I feel like this is a very, I shouldn’t say common, but I’m sure a lot of people are gonna be able to relate to you when this is posted.

There’s that, and I don’t know if you know, this could come from your mom being maybe she struggled with paying bills or her parents struggled with paying bills and there’s this like financial burden that to sometimes falls on, you know, the husband or, um, if we struggle, we tend to think like our next generation will struggle.

So it could be her holding onto. That kind of stress that she had growing up or in her life, maybe it was her and your dad struggles. Right. But I think in this new age, it’s like women are working, women are able to make money, and there’s no like amount of money that. Is gonna be like, oh, you got it made.

Like you guys can go ahead and get married now. Like she either is looking for a reason for you guys to not get married, or she has her own,

she has her own things kind of holding her back. No, I don’t like any of that advice. Okay. Okay. Let’s take that all out.

Okay, so first and foremost, I just wanna say congratulations. I mean, this is such an exciting time in your life, and it sounds like you are surrounding yourself with people that are truly supporting you. And it sounds like you know that your relationship with your mom isn’t the greatest, like the controlling part of it, trying to take away from big moments in your life.

So there’s power in that. There’s power in knowing. Where your support lies and where to not go when you need that support. Right. And I think there’s a certain generational thing where they, you know, control is seen as love, right? So, you know, if you call her out on it, she might be like, well, it’s because I love you and I want you to have a good life.

And maybe she has her own, um, you know, resentment from, maybe she struggled paying bills or her husband or her parents struggled with paying bills, and so she doesn’t want that same life for you. However, things are different. It’s not fully relying on him to now support the family. It’s you’d, it sounds like you guys are both working good jobs. You’re both working your way up. I mean, you’re still 25, 26. There’s so much time to grow and learn together. Right. And, um, I know you’re not asking me for financial advice, I’m not giving that, but I’m just reassuring you that you guys, it sounds like you’re on the right path. No one is a millionaire or super successful overnight. You guys are still so young. And also it’s like I, what I’m reading in here too is she just sees his job and is like, he doesn’t make enough money. It’s not like he even know, she even knows the amount of money he makes. Um. So she’s either trying to put her own fears about money and stresses onto you, or she’s just looking for reasons for you guys to not get married, which obviously you’re not gonna not get married.

So I’m curious. I feel like a lot of people probably have dealt with something similar from their parents. You know, putting on some kind of stressor of, or fear of financial situations. Um, but we also live in a way different time than our parents grew up. Um, it’s better in a lot of ways, but it’s harder in a lot of ways.

I mean, it was so much easier for people to buy houses right outta college houses were way more affordable. Um, but also. It’s way more, way more common to have a two income household. So, um, the fact that you guys are both working and both supporting this life together, it’s not like he has to fully support both of you.

It’s way different. And so I think you’re on the right track by knowing who you can lean to for support and just keep going that way. Um. Therapy is so important too. You know, it sounds like you have had to deal with this for a long time, so I just encourage you to, um, be very limited with what you share with her, especially if you are, um, wanting to keep this positive and, you know, feel good vibes going when it comes to planning your own wedding. So, um, lean into that and absolutely. Go to therapy because it’s going to just help you and your partner just feel more, um, more at peace when you have to make, if you have to, or you choose to make this cut from your life. All right. I hope that was, that was good advice. I wasn’t trying to give, you know, financial advice. It was more just like what your, um, it sounds like your current situation is with that.

Okay, this last one here says, “our best man insists he doesn’t need to rehearse his speech. He gets drunk and will tell inappropriate stories from college, and I feel and I have a fear, he’ll mention ex-girlfriends and tell inside jokes that no one else will understand.

Should I or the groom confront him before the wedding or just laugh it off and just accept it?” Well, okay. I’m stressed for you because, um, if I would be feeling like these kind of fears ahead of time, I think I would want my partner to talk to them because that’s their person on their side. I don’t think you personally, as the bride should do anything about it.

I think this would be your fiance to talk to him. Um. If you have more than one gut feeling or maybe talking to your partner if he’s even like, I don’t know if he can give a good speech. I don’t know. He keeps talking about like, all these shots we’re gonna do before, maybe you just don’t have him give a speech.

Um, or have someone ready to like cut the mic and be like, thank you. If he needs like a good talking to of what he cannot talk about, then give that to him. If he doesn’t seem like he’s going to follow those rules. I hate to call them rules ’cause it seems like you’re being like strict or something. But if he seems like he’s not going to follow that, then maybe it’s time just to be like, you know what, um, we actually don’t need you to give a speech.

You need to be very selective with who gives speeches and who you want to have kind words about you. Essentially, anyone that’s in your wedding party should be supporting both you and your partner, right? It’s not like, well, that’s his best friend, so he only has to support him. No, they’re supporting your marriage, right?

And so if he’s nothing nice to say about you, and all he is gonna do is say inappropriate stories and talk about ex-girlfriends and talk about things he shouldn’t be saying in a room full of hundreds, hundred plus people, then maybe this is not his position. So talk amongst each other and then I think your partner should be the one to talk to him.

All right guys. That’s all we have for wedding 9 1 1 Wedding Dilemmas this week. As always, send me some messages on Instagram or you can email me at hello@christainnis.com.

Red Flags & Wedding Chaos: Ghosting Photographers & Exes at the After-Party

All right, before we get to the story, of course we’ve got some red flag, green flag wedding edition, so here we go. “My maid of honor posts a long emotional TikTok about her best friend’s wedding journey, but the video is mostly clips of herself.”

I mean, social media is to showcase you, right? Like your own page. She can also do that as a way of like, I don’t wanna like overshare their wedding day if they wanna share it. So I don’t, I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag. I would just, I wouldn’t say, I don’t know, it’s kinda like in the middle because she might wanna be show like her perspective as a maid of honor.

So I don’t know. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a red flag bride events. That wedding planning is stressful. Maid of honor response. You’re not the only one stressed. This wedding is taking over my life too. Um, that’s kind of a red flag. So communication I think is really important, especially as a maid of honor.

As a maid of honor, you take on a lot of tasks and it’s hard to tell the bride if you are stressed. Um, I remember checking in with my maid of honor all the time being like, Hey, it’s okay. Like I can take this over. You don’t have to do this. Like, let’s have someone else do it. And she was great. She was awesome.

But she also, my friend, she’s like so kind that she would never tell me if like, it was too much. That’s why I was, I would be like, you’re not doing this. Like, let’s have someone else help you. Um. I don’t think this is a red flag per se. I think there’s a better way to say it. Um, I think communication is good, especially if it’s a bride that’s just like not in tune with what’s going on and they’re just consistently throwing stuff at you and like, oh my God, this is so stressful.

And you’re like, whoa, you’re putting a lot on me too. Um, let’s slow down a little bit. Okay. “Bride’s ex is invited. By the groom side, the maid of honor tells him where the after party is because it’s no big deal.” Why is the bride’s ex invited by the groom side, and that’s a red flag all around. And the maid of honor tells him where the after party is.

Yeah, it’s, it’s, we’re not gonna invite exes. Okay. “Photographer ghosts silent a week before the wedding and shows up late the day of, but photos end up being stunning.” That’s a red flag. That is a red flag. So it’s great that it ended up great, right? But we’re not only looking at the end of it, like think of how stressful that is before knowing you don’t hear about hear from your photographer.

So maybe the bride’s thinking about hiring someone last minute because they’re, she’s not hearing about hearing from the photographer the week before. And then a couple weeks ago I talked about, um. The story where the makeup artist came late and then she ended up offering a partial refund even though she did her job.

So fine, get paid for what you did. You are still causing stress and you’re causing a timeline to be pushed back. Photographer. You can’t really make that up. So if you’re late photographer, think of those moments that you missed. Maybe no one else is there taking photos, so I’m gonna say that’s a red flag.

“Florist swaps half the flowers for what they thought would look better in photos without asking.” Red flag. That’s easy. Bride books of specific makeup artists months in advance, the morning of a different artist shows up claiming to be just as good. Red flag, that sounds to me like the makeup artist, um, had a replacement and maybe didn’t communicate that to you.

“Videographer refuses to capture certain trendy TikTok shots because it doesn’t fit their artistic style.” Um, red flag. But typically that’s talked about ahead of time, um, like we a videographer, but. I would not have told them to like switch up their routine because you kind of have to trust their process.

Um, that’s usually in the contract ahead of time. You can also hire content creators for weddings now, and they’re gonna be more in tune with the TikTok shots and, and trending audio as opposed to a videographer. That’s typically not their thing. All right, last one. The cake artist forgot to deliver the top tier because they didn’t realize it was a part of the package.

That’s a red flag. You know, you can make it up for it if they have someone else at the office and you bring it in, but, um, yeah, that’s gonna be a red flag if they forgot a big part of your cake. All right. I need a drink because my, I’ve been doing so many recording, so many recordings that my throat is dry.

Maid of Honor Mayhem: Jealousy, Chaos & Wedding Drama

All right, you guys ready for this week’s blind reaction? Wedding story submission. “I was a bridesmaid for my best friend’s wedding a couple of years ago and had to deal with one of the wildest made of honors I’ve ever encountered.” Woo. Okay, here we go. “My friend Hannah names have been changed, got engaged to another mutual friend, Evan.

We had all worked together at some point, and I actually knew Evan from a previous job. From the moment they met. Met, I knew they’d end up together. After six years of dating, he finally proposed and the wedding planning began. At the time, I was the general manager of a restaurant and event venue, so Hannah asked if I could join her when she toured a few places.

One venue she wanted to see was near my work. About an hour from where we lived, but only 15 minutes away from the maid of honor, Megan, who was one of Hannah’s childhood friends. We decided to meet Megan at Megan’s house and drive together. I arrived a little early and called Megan to let her know I was outside.

No answer. I even knocked, still nothing. Hannah was running behind, so I waited in my car. When she finally arrived, that’s when Megan suddenly came out to greet us, meaning she definitely knew I was there waiting the whole time. Weird. Once we all got in the car, Megan told us she invited a friend, someone the bride didn’t even know to tag along.”

Okay, we’re talking red flags, green flags. That’s a red flag. That’s weird to me. Like the bride invited you as the maid of honor to go do something. You don’t just bring a random friend it. “Hannah and I just went along with it. During the tour, Megan and her friend were giggling, cracking jokes and barely paying attention.

I stayed polite, but when they decided to go out afterward, I headed home. The whole vibe was off. Months later, Hannah scheduled her bridal gown appointment. The maid of honor, the brides mom, another bridesmaid, and I went along. When I got to the bridal shop, Megan was already there, but she completely ignored me.”

What? Like, why? “I decided to wait outside until everyone else arrived.” What does this Megan girl have against Tana? Like that’s weird to me. “Once we were all inside, it was clear Megan was determined to steal the spotlight again. She made rude comments about nearly every dress, laughing at all the styles, and rolling her eyes.”

Who is this person? Why are they friends, and why is she a part of the wedding? I have so many questions. “It wasn’t just me who noticed. Another bridesmaid later said she felt bad for Hannah because Megan’s energy ruined what should have been a special day. Then came the bachelorette party. Megan not only invited a random friend again.” What?

“But they also got into a huge fight on the first night.” The, the random friend did? Okay, “mind you, I was six months pregnant at the time, in the middle of a New Orleans summer just trying to survive the heat. Since I couldn’t drink, I went with the flow and tried to keep things calm, but Megan got super possessive of Hannah constantly reminding everyone that she knew her best and acting territorial, even though half the bridesmaids were Hannah’s cousins.”

That is so weird, especially because she’s not being very nice with Hannah. So does she think being rude is like a way of showing, you know, someone better? “By day three, Hannah’s birthday, things boiled over. Megan followed her into the bathroom during dinner and told her she was a horrible friend, and that everyone secretly hated the trip.“

Who is this girl? Oh my gosh, I feel terrible for Megan or for Hannah. Sorry, not, not, not Megan. Hannah. “When we found Hannah crying, we were furious. None of it was true, and it was obvious Megan was trying to isolate her.” This sounds like an abusive friendship. “We reassured Hannah that she hadn’t done anything wrong, but the rest of us basically ignored Megan after that. I even offered to ride in her car for the drive home so others wouldn’t have to.” That is taking one for the team. Sitting in a car with someone that is like awful. Like that sounds like hell. “The entire trip she complained about feeling unappreciated.” What did she do that she should be appreciated for?

“Fast forward a few months, Megan volunteered to host a bridal shower. The problem she lived outta state and insisted everyone drive to her against our better judgment. We agreed.” Why? If, I mean, it’s so easy when you read these stories and like it’s later on. It’s already happened to this person. We were just like, I’m seeing all these red flags and they’re so bright and they’re waving so quickly that I’m like, why are they already like, like so willing to like do whatever this Megan girl wants? “About a month before the shower, she started messaging everyone, the bridesmaids, the groom, even Hannah’s family asking for money. She wanted bottle service while decorations and expensive extras, she couldn’t afford herself.”

So here’s my thing. If I’m gonna host a party, I know I’m gonna take the brunt of it. If I’m hosting it with people, then sure we can, we can split some where they can take some of it off of me, but you don’t ever offer to host without knowing you’re gonna pay for some of it. And then even so, if you do have help, you should be keeping it, like know what that budget is and keep it smaller.

We, we don’t need bottle service at a shower. That sounds like she’s doing something more for her. “Hannah called me in tears asking for help. I stepped in as co-host and moved the shower to my new workplace, which was much closer for everyone. I told Hannah I’d cover the part of the cost as my wedding gift, but I wasn’t about to hand Megan money to mismanage.

That didn’t sit well with her.” Okay. That didn’t sit well with Megan, “I’m guessing when I showed up with. When I showed up with the centerpieces, pretty mason jars filled with flowers. She swapped them out for fake ones and ruined the look just to annoy me. Then she started gossiping about me to the venue staff. That crossed the line, especially since it was my workplace.”

What about this is so weird. “I blocked her number and decided I was done. Afterward, she told the bride that I’d been sketchy with money and didn’t pay my share. Thankfully, I had all the receipts and Hannah did be, and Hannah didn’t believe a word of it.” Okay. I thought she was saying Hannah, the bride didn’t believe that she didn’t pay or paid. She didn’t. Okay. Yeah. So she believed her because she had all the receipts.

Why would Megan like this girl’s like a serious like. Liar. I don’t even know how to describe this person. I’ve never met someone before in my life. “Hannah had two ceremonies. Her first was a Nigerian wedding. I stayed out of that one since I was eight months pregnant and wanted to avoid drama, everything.”

Okay, so I’ve questions. You stayed out of it to avoid drama because you were pregnant or because you just didn’t wanna be near Megan. I have questions. Okay. “Everything seemed fine until the end when the guests started spraying money at the couple, a cultural tradition, Megan was in charge of collecting the cash and somehow it went missing.

She blamed the MC.” She has been scheming to get money from them since the beginning. Oh my gosh. Also, again, like, again, I’m walking, I’m watching from the outside of course. So I’m, this is not judgment on the bride or like, uh, shaming someone for doing this, but I’m like, why are we allowing this girl, Megan, who’s been so sketchy since the beginning to collect the money? She’s been rude, she’s been making fun of them. She’s been bringing weird friends to every little event, and then getting in fights with Hannah. Like, why are we allowing her to be a part of this?

“The following weekend was the second ceremony in a different state. The night before the wedding, we had the rehearsal dinner and all stayed together in, in an Airbnb.

Megan left early to stay with her boyfriend and didn’t return until 11:00 AM” Wait, we were talking the day before the wedding. The day of the wedding. She didn’t get there until 11:00 AM four hours late for hair and makeup. What? Oh my gosh. Okay. I read that at first that she like stayed up all night and I was like, I would be dead tired. But I think they just like stayed together and then she just like slept in. “Hannah was furious, but decided to not confront her on the big day. The ceremony went beautifully until Megan’s speech again.”

Why are we giving a microphone to someone that obviously hates you? Like literally this, this woman hates you. I would not be giving her a microphone because if she’s gonna say those kinds of things behind your back, she’s gonna say like, with a microphone and attention on her, you know, she’s gonna say whatever she wants, right?

“Before she had pulled me aside to ask if it was okay to joke that people confused us because we look alike. I said, ‘sure’, thinking it was harmless. But her speech started with, ‘hi, I’m Christine. Oh wait, I’m Megan, sorry. I know people mix this up, but the difference is one of us is eight months pregnant. Guess I need to hit the gym.’ Then she launched into a bizarre monologue about how the groom stole Hannah from her.” What? “And threw in a bunch of backhanded comments, compliments. The entire room looked horrified. The bride and groom were so wrapped up in each other. They barely noticed until Megan snapped mid speech and told them to stop talking.”

Okay. All right. So based on her speech, she’s jealous that Hannah is getting married. She’s jealous that she now has a groom, a fiance. They’re getting married and they’re happy. Isn’t it wild how some people, it’s the misery loves company, right? They’re, they’re only happy for you when they’re, when you guys are miserable together. If you’re at the same level, if once you’re happy, they’re not gonna be happy anymore and they’re gonna pull you down. I’m not. I have known so many people like that in my own life, and they are vampires, they’re energy vampires, right? They’re soul suckers. You need to cut those people, snip them as quickly as possible because they will never be happy for your achievements. Um, oh, that just like, ‘Ooh, that hit me in the gut.’ People like that. You have to spot you. If you ever have a feeling about somebody, tell them something you’re excited about and see how they react. Tell them something that happened to you that you’re proud for, and see what they do. Will tell you everything you need to know. Even it’s just something small.

If they don’t act like it’s anything to be excited for, if they put you down, if they make fun of you, chances are they will do that For any, anything that, um, is a, you consider an accomplishment or an achievement. Wow. “That was the last anyone heard from her. Neither Hannah nor Megan has reached out since.”

Oh. Wait, I don’t know if she means neither Hannah or Megan reached out to her, Christine or each other. “Honestly, it was one of the most chaotic wedding experiences I’ve ever survived.” Guys. It’s so, again, this is not to shame because I was not in this situation, but with these, when these first. You start noticing these first signs of red flags in a friend, especially in a, in a big event where they should maybe be, you know, they should be celebrating you. Let’s just snip it. It’s okay to communicate and say, Hey, you know what? I don’t think this is the be best position for you. I think we’re so scared of what they will do next. I think we’re so scared of backlash. I think we’re scared of looking like the mean person. I know I’ve been there where you hold onto something because.

You, you don’t wanna look like the mean person. And the truth of the matter is no matter what happens, they’re gonna tell their side. It doesn’t matter if you were the quote unquote good person in the situation, they will tell their side of it. And you know, like she could easily be like, you know, we were best friends.

We hung out all the time. And the second she got engaged, she stopped calling me. And maybe, yeah, to an extent, you know, you now have your partner, you live together, whatever that looks like. Maybe you didn’t call her as much, but she still is important to you. And some people realize, like we go through these life stages where maybe we can’t see each other as much, but you’re still important.

And some people aren’t gonna be able to take that. They’re not gonna be able to take the backseat in your life as much. They want to be, um, upright up there with you. And it’s not saying like, I. Uh, I don’t know. It’s not saying that like she’s a, a bad, okay, this person is a bad person. She probably stole from the wedding. I don’t know. But it’s hard, it’s hard in these moments to react to these stories because it’s so easy for me to say, like, what I would do. Right? But if you have a history with someone and you’ve been friends with them for a long time, it’s, it’s a lot harder to just cut someone out. So I get it. It’s very challenging and I, like I mentioned earlier, I, I talked about friendship breakups and how they can a lot of times be harder than romantic breakups. And so we never be want to be the ones to be like, okay, I’m, I’m done with that person. But when you look back after a friendship breakup years later and you notice all the positives that maybe would not have happened in your life, be if you are still in that friend, if you are still friends with that person, it’s gonna make you feel so much better.

Um, it’s hard. Some people just can’t let you shine. Some people cannot be the supportive friend they want. They wanna be the bottom of the barrel with you. They wanna be, um, they want you to fo you to follow them at all times. And so when you are put in a position where they have to support you, or when you put them in a position where they have to support you, it’s not gonna, it’s not gonna work out well.

But that’s where true colors come out. So we can be grateful for that moment and realize that, um, it needed to happen. Oh gosh, that was a wild story. We haven’t had a maid of honor one like that in a while. That might need to be a skit.

Wedding Speech Fails: Potty Jokes, Politics & Awkward Moments

All right, now we got some confessions. Let’s end with some confessions.

“Brother of the groom made potty jokes and just bashed on him the whole time.” I’m guessing during the speech, very cringey. Yeah, let’s not do that. There should be a list of what to do and what not to do. And it also depends on your relationship with the person, like I’ve talked about before. Like if you’re really close with them and you know, they make, they make jokes, you know, at the wedding, I think it’s fine.

I think it should be funny. My favorite wedding speeches are ones that are funny, but if they’re done in a. Good way. Like if they’re not funny, like if they’re making fun of them or they’re like putting them down or it’s like backhanded compliments, then let me, don’t do that. Um, I remember being at a wedding once and the maid of honor was making, made a comment in her speech about how the bride always wanted to marry for money, and she did.

And like, there was like some laughter and then there was awkward silence. And I just like looked around seeing what everyone else was doing because that’s awkward. And not to say too much, but the groom was not a nice person. He was not great at all in the slightest. Um, that’s a story for another time.

Um, but he’s not a good person. And she was so sweet. But I was just like, ooh. This adds up. This adds up. ’cause she did not marry for a nice, for a nice man. Okay. Um, “my sister turned, turned it into her political views and how the venue was wrong.” Okay. These are all about speeches. That’s no, we’re not gonna put politics and speeches please.

And thank you. My dad. “My dad said she was homeschooled and listed all of my accomplishments.” That’s all. Oh,

that’s like awkward because I think that’s what also, it’s like when people just don’t know what to say, they’re gonna say you accomplishments. ’cause they’re like, oh, I’m just gonna talk, talk all about her and it’s great. You know, you wanna do a little bit of that, but you also wanna tie it all together of like the reasons why people are here celebrating you.

Okay. This one says, “I saw a mother of the bride talk about another daughter’s wedding coming up later in the year.”

So the mom made a speech and just was talking about someone else’s wedding. Okay, that’s weird.Okay. “The best man didn’t plan one and all he said was ‘I dito what the might of honor said, cheers!” Oh no. Unless that was the drunk rooms man, that like. We knew he was going to suck or say something inappropriate and you’re like, okay, good. Thank God he didn’t say anything. That’s terrible. That shows you can’t even make some effort writing like a two minute speech.Like you can’t think of anything nice to say. You just have to copy the maid of honor. Like, no, come on, give a little more effort than that.

All right guys. Well, that’s all I have this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you loved this episode, do me a huge favor and share it with a friend. Take a screenshot, share it to your stories and tag me.Of course, I love seeing it. I love seeing where you’re tuning in from what you’re doing while you’re listening, um, whether it’s on a commute or where you’re working. Or working or just relaxing at night. And don’t forget to share the podcast by leaving a quick review. It’s the best way to get more people to hear about the show.

We do new episodes every single Thursday. Um, and so I can’t wait to share another one with you guys next week. If you have any suggestions, stories, or wedding dilemmas you want me to cover, please submit them at a link in at the link in the show notes, or you can email me hello@christainnis.com. I’m always looking for more crazy stories, and I would love to feature yours in an episode soon.

All right. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you guys next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Late Vendor, Red Flags & A Family Dressed in all Black

What happens when your in-laws hate you so much they all wear black to your wedding?

This week, I’m diving into a listener story that starts with a secret elopement and ends in family chaos. We’re talking group chat meltdowns, cold shoulders, and a mother-in-law who calls her “the family shame.”

Then we’re spilling tea on a viral makeup artist who showed up late, blamed her calendar, and still thought a partial refund was enough. Spoiler: I have thoughts.

Plus, the latest round of wedding confessions, from best men brawling to guests peeing in driveways. Because no matter how pretty the venue, no wedding is safe from the drama.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:57 Viral Wedding Makeup Artist Drama

04:22 Listener Feedback and Podcast Improvements

05:58 Wedding Dilemmas: Proposal Planning

09:59 Wedding Dilemmas: Bridal Room Meltdown

13:17 Red Flags vs. Green Flags: Wedding Edition

17:54 Wedding Story Submission: Elopement Secrets

19:03 Understanding Oversharing and Social Dynamics

19:29 Wedding Traditions and Exclusion

20:08 Group Chat Drama and Misunderstandings

21:26 Family Tensions and Wedding Planning

25:35 Health Scares and Family Reactions

27:13 Wedding Day Disasters

28:56 Post-Wedding Reflections and Separation

30:56 Confessions and Listener Stories

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Viral Makeup Artist Fiasco – A vendor misses her call time and chaos unfolds. Christa breaks down what went wrong and whether the bride deserved a full refund.
When to Ask for a Refund – Contracts, accountability, and why communication can make or break your big day.
Fan Feedback That Hit Home – Christa reacts to a listener review suggesting new segment cues—and reveals how she’s improving the show.
Red Flag vs. Green Flag: Wedding Edition – From brides demanding weight loss to car-obsessed grooms, Christa calls out what’s toxic vs. totally fine.
The In-Law Showdown – One bride’s family nightmare that ended in heartbreak.
Vendor Etiquette 101 – Why feeding your photographer isn’t just polite—it’s part of the contract.
Family & Guest Drama Galore – From white jumpsuits to banned phones, Christa dishes on the social politics of weddings.
Confessions Corner Returns – Real listener confessions: fights, public pee, and champagne theft.
Christa’s Takeaway – A reminder to protect your peace, laugh through the madness, and maybe rethink that guest list.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“We are not giving nutrition plans or weight loss goals to our friends. That’s not our job, that’s a red flag.” – Christa Innis
“If your makeup artist is late enough to delay the ceremony, I’d be hoping for a full refund, at least emotionally.” – Christa Innis
“Let’s normalize letting people go if it’s not vibing. Even bridesmaids, it’s kind of like a job, right?” – Christa Innis
“You can’t expect guests to lock their phones away in a box; it’s a wedding, not a top-secret mission.” – Christa Innis
“Apparently, we’re a top leisure podcast even though I’m out here raising your blood pressure every week.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. If it’s your first time here, welcome. We are the podcast that dies into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings and events. And today’s episode is packed with just that. I don’t know if it’s just my algorithm lately or if it’s just because of the industry or type of content I share, but I am getting so, so much wedding drama.

In my feed lately. Um, I wanna talk about a couple of things I’ve seen and you guys can comment and see if you’ve talk if you’ve seen it too.

Late Glam, Lost Calm & Refund Rage

So the first one I saw was a viral wedding story where a makeup artist was late. And this kind of blew up like overnight. So she’s filming herself, going to a wedding saying how, um, she just got a call from a frantic bride saying, you’re supposed to be here.

Why aren’t you here? And as she’s driving, she’s saying, I should be finishing her makeup right now and I’m not even there. And as you can guess, most people are in the comments saying, you need to refund her the money. Why aren’t you there? What’s going on? Turns out somehow, something wasn’t synced in her calendar and so nothing notified her of that special day. Um, so it took the bride calling her. Then she came back and said, I gave her a partial refund. I still went there. I did the makeup, helped her out with other tasks that we had in the contract. She doesn’t specifically say what those tasks are, so no one really knows. But people are angry and angry in the comments. They are saying, she should have fully refunded this bride. How dare her? Cause so much stress and anxiety, the mourning of, and also push back a whole timeline. And I completely agree with them.

I, if I had to push it back that much, especially a vendor that’s just there in the morning, um, typically to push back a timeline that much, especially the bride. Not even like just starting an hour late for bridesmaids. You are starting after the bride should be done. And now my own wedding, I wanna say I was the last or second to last to get my makeup done. It’s typically recommended that the bride is one of the last ones, just so her makeup’s the most fresh for walking out for pictures, all that stuff.

So this just, I don’t know how late she was, but this just seems like a rushed job. Now she’s defending herself in the comment saying, it wasn’t rushed. I’ve, I’m used to doing this kind of thing. I’m used to being fast, and that’s all well and good, but for me personally as a bride, if I knew my person was late pushing back the schedule, and now we’re on a stricter timeline because of it, I would be hoping for probably a hundred percent refund. Would I ask for that? Probably not. If she came and did her job, I think I’d be happy and just carry on with the day. Again, not trying to carry that anger or resentment with me and just try to enjoy it the best I can, but I don’t know. I wanna hear from you guys what you think you would do in this situation, what you would expect.

Um, now you guys know I’ve talked about this before. I film like batch film, so this, when this comes out, this episode, it probably happened like two or three weeks ago, so I don’t know if it’s gonna still be a thing, but it’s just interesting to kind of discuss when is it acceptable to get a full refund or ask for a full refund.

And this is something that should be outlined in the contract as well. Um, like for me, when I do day of coordinating, I’m typically there all day. I am mostly there to assist the bride in helping her with running around doing random tasks, making sure we stay on schedule. And I think if I were there and the hairstylist wasn’t there or the makeup artist wasn’t there, I’d be calling them nonstop, saying like, you need to get here now.

I know like the last wedding I was a part of, we were on a pretty strict timeline. Of course, there’s always some wiggle room, but I don’t know. I don’t know. You guys gotta let me know in the comments what you guys would, would do about that.

Okay, before I get too far into this, I’m like, just like chatting. ‘Cause it’s really interesting. Um, here is this week’s review. This is from Reci Baby. It says, ‘here for the tea with all the segments that she started to develop, it would be helpful, I think, if she had some kind of sound effect or music cue so that we knew which segment was which, because I’m getting confused between all the different segments that she presents. I love them all, but it would be helpful to differentiate between them because they’re all kind of feeling the same way.’ Okay. I, actually love this comment because I, I said it in another podcast. Sometimes it’s hard to get direct feedback from you guys. Sometimes I see it here and there, but to have it all in one place, um, this was great feedback.

So I hope we did justice in this episode. We’re always making little changes here and there just to make it easier and more fun to listen to. And yes, I know I’m randomly adding segments just because. I’ll hear of things that I wanna talk about, but I’m like, where would that go? Where would that fit best?

So I hope I’m not confusing you. Um, hopefully this makes more sense or flows better. If not, let me know. But also thank you for the kind review. I’m so glad you’re here for the tea. We’ve always got lots of tea. There’s still plenty more to come, and if you guys love the podcast, please share it with a friend or Lee or review on your own.

It’s very helpful to getting the word out and having more people find it. Which by the way, this is a side note. I just found out we are considered the top eight podcasts under leisure. So love that you guys are just lounging listening to the podcast. You’re able to, uh, enjoy it and get some entertainment out of it.That, that made me happy to hear.

Proposals, Meltdowns & Unsolicited Advice: Christa’s Wedding 911 Segment

Okay, we are gonna go into wedding dilemmas. This is my newest segment. Again, I only do this on solo pods, so when it’s just me, I get so many wedding dilemmas sent to me in my dms. Um, these are just little things. They’re not necessarily long stories. It might just be a little thing someone’s going through right now or something that happened at their wedding and they want some advice.

Um, and I call it unprofessional solicited advice because like I always say, I’m not a professional wedding planner. I just, you know, give my advice on being a part of these weddings for so many times. So you can DM me or you can email me hello@kristaennis.com and I will address them.

Okay. Here’s this first one. It says, “Christa, help. I’m helping plan a proposal, an engagement party for my husband’s cousin. His soon to be fiance’s brother is planning to propose on Saturday. He the cousin, is planning to propose on Friday.” Okay, so brothers, I’m getting ones proposing on Friday and one is on Saturday. Okay. Okay, so I get it.

So you’re helping your husband’s cousin, but then it’d be the brother-in-law is proposing, um, the day after. Wow. Okay. Okay. I’m getting, I’m getting this all lined up. ” The timing of it being so close together wasn’t intentional. I’m gonna change the name really quickly here. Trevor, the cousin called the brother to make sure it was okay because he would change it if he wanted to. The brother said, ‘no, go for it.’ He didn’t care at all and thought it was cool, figured he’d throw it, figured it would throw off his girlfriend even more.” I could see that. Yeah. ’cause there’s other things going on right? “Now, trevor’s soon to be fiance’s, mom and sister are trying to pressure him into moving the date, but he can’t really, because of all their weekend, all their weekends got booked up for the next month and he’s already set out invitations for the engagement party and people are planning stuff.

I told him to just tell the mom that he already talked to the brother and he was fine with it. And he’s already putting plans in motion and doesn’t want to have to move everything when he doesn’t even know when he’ll have a chance to do it again. I also told him to add my number to the bottom to say, to reach out with to me with any questions.

Does this seem fair? The poor guy is so stressed, and it’s not even the wedding day yet.” I’m stressed reading that because I am confused who is who. No. Okay, so it’s two people. Basically in the same family once proposing Friday, one Saturday. It sounds to me like the one on Friday was planned first. Um, and then the Saturday one came along, the brother was like, yeah, that’s totally fine.

You can go ahead and do it. But now family’s coming in giving their 2 cents. Here’s my 2 cents. It’s already planned. The brother said it was fine. He’s the main one doing the proposal the next day. Is it kind of annoying to have it two days in a row? Sure, maybe. But when it comes down to it, the important people that are gonna be there are gonna be there.

And sorry to the fiance’s mom and sister. Like, but it’s already set. Invitations have been set out. People are planning on being there. And I think giving all these unsolicited advice to him to move it is only gonna stress him out even more. So at the end of the day, like, you can only plan so much. If people can make it, they can make it.

If they can’t, they can’t. And I know it’s hard to think that way, but like, especially I feel like the older we get, like I know my husband and I always talk about like how busy our schedules can be sometimes. Like to try to get together with friends these days is so ridiculous and crazy. Like we’re like, ‘okay, let’s plan like three months in advance because it’s like you got, you know, stuff with kids, stuff with family stuff, with work stuff with you know, time off, whatever that looks like. It’s, it’s so hard to get together.’ So if you are lucky enough to find a weekend where you can have something and you get invitations out, just let go and let God’ just see what happens and just trust that it’s gonna work out. Um, so that would be my advice for this first dilemma. I hope that helps, and I hope the engagements go amazing.

Okay. Here we go. Dilemma number two. This is something that had already happened to her, but just see my two sons. Okay. “About 30 minutes before my wedding, I was in the bridal room with my bridesmaids, just hanging out, taking some breaths, et cetera.

My sister-in-law brings my melting down three year old’s niece into my bridal room for a full 10 minutes. My niece is three, so I can’t put much blame on her being a child, but I still hold a grudge against my sister-in-law for thanking the bridal room, there were several other open rooms within the church, was the place for her to bring a screaming child.”

Ooh. Yeah. Okay. Here’s my take on this. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, I agree with you. Um, I don’t know what her intention was bringing her daughter in the room while she was melting down. Especially like for me now as a, as a mother of a toddler. I, would not be bringing into a, into a calm environment. I would not be bringing my toddler into, especially if she was having a, a meltdown or upset about something.

I’m very like, let’s pull ourselves out of a situation. Let me get down on their level and talk to them. And again, this is, this is of course not a parenting thing. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. But what I’m saying is I just personally, I feel like that would overwhelm the three-year-old too, to bring them in a crowded room with a bunch of people.

Um, as the bride, I don’t know if I would say anything, but this, I think is where your, your bridesmaids would come in and I feel like that’s when they should kind of step up and be like, ‘Hey, do you think maybe we could like, step in this room over here? There’s a really awesome room that’s quiet. Um, and it’s really pretty and just kind of like help distract’ instead of feeling like you’re pushing the sister-in-law out, make it seem like a more comfortable and, um, uh.

The ideal choice for them to bring the, the niece to. That way everyone’s kind of happy, right? You’re like, ‘Hey, wait, there’s this really cute room over here. Why don’t you bring over here? I’ll bring some snacks in and it’s gonna be okay.’ That way you’re like more assisting, um, because yeah, like right before walking down the aisle, you wanna kind of calm yourself, center yourself. You don’t want a lot of commotion.

Um, I, myself, like I recently just saw, came across the picture. Right before walking out, I was by myself. Um, I was by myself in the little bridal room. We basically, I dunno how to describe it, there’s like a, a hallway where we had a bridal suite and then the next to it was the bathroom.

That’s where all of us girls got ready, um, at the venue. And so when everyone was lining up, I locked myself in there until everyone was gone. And then my dad came and got me. It was just like really calming for me to be there by myself, take some breaths and really just like center. So I can totally sympathize with this bride to kind of feel like, ugh.

I was like, my, my adrenaline was kind of raised right before all that. Um, so yeah, that’s what I would do in the future, but of course you can’t go back and change it, so, um. It’s best to just kind of, you have to kinda make peace with it eventually. I know it kind of, it sucks that it happened, but focus on the positive and the good moments that you did have during your wedding day.

All right. Again, that’s the wedding 9 1 1. If you guys have any dilemmas or situations you would like me to address on a future episode of the podcast, you can DM me on mostly. Instagram’s the best place to DM me other platforms. It’s really hard to find. Um, or you can email me, hello@christainnis.com. Okay.

Red Flags, Green Flags & Wedding Madness

Next section. A red flag versus green flag a wedding edition. “The bride gives her bridesmaids, strict weight loss goals for the wedding photos.” If you can see my face. No, that’s a complete red flag. We are not giving nutrition plans or weight loss plans to our friends. Anyone we care about, anyone we don’t care about. We’re just not doing that. It’s not our job.

Okay. That’s how I feel about that, which I’ve talked about before. But a hot, hot take for weddings. Let’s get rid of the whole like, um, shedding for the wedding. Like, sure, if you wanna work out for your own wedding, fine, but the wedding industry of losing weight, no, let’s stop.

The couple. Makes guests pay for their own meals at the reception because it’s about being there, not the food. Um, red flag. No, our partner wants to skip.

Your partner wants to skip a honeymoon so you can save money for his, his dream car red flag. Um, I understand maybe skipping a honeymoon ’cause you wanna do a down payment on a house or you want to put it towards something together. But if it’s just to save money for. Something that suits one of the part one of the people in the relationship.

I don’t, I don’t think that’s right. Um, “a bridesmaid drops out two weeks before the wedding, but still plans to attend as a guest.” I think that’s a green flag. I mean, we don’t know the reason for her dropping out, but I would say if she ate, communicated it to you and said, Hey, like. You know, it’s getting too expensive or I don’t really like the dress you picked, or I’m not comfortable in a dress.

Um, I’m not gonna be able to make it in time to all the wedding events to be a bridesmaid, whatever that looks like. If she’s communicating it, I think that’s a green flag. Communication wins. She’s, someone’s come as a guest, so let’s do it. The photographer brings an assistant who turns out to be their boyfriend, and he eats and drinks with guests.

Okay, so. I don’t think this is a red flag, flag or a green flag. A lot of times photographers do bring assistance, but it will be in their contract if they do bring an assistant. However, if they are a staff member, like if they’re a vendor, so a photographer and an assistant, and that’s in your contract, you should be feeding them.

Um, this was a thing I saw and actually I talked to some vendors at a wedding recently, but this is a. Wild thing I saw for how people have been treated at weddings before. Um, you as a vendor for a wedding, if you were there during wedding hours, so if you’re a makeup artist, artist and you leave before the actual ceremony starts, that’s different.

But if you are a photographer, a wedding planner, coordinator, videographer, dj. You should have a place setting at a table and be fed like everybody else and be eating technically with the guests. Drinks, you should not be drinking any alcoholic beverages. Um, of course, like I feel like that should go without saying.

Even one time I was invited to stay as a guest after, and I just didn’t feel right about having wine with dinner. I was just like, I, let’s, I’m not going to, but thank you. Um. So definitely needs to be established in the contract. If, um, they just bring someone randomly, it’s not in their contract, you’d have to decide.

I mean, maybe, maybe they realize last minute, like, oh, they’re not gonna be able to get all the shots without this other person. I’ve been to a lot of weddings where they, they always, where they come with another person. So make sure it’s clear in your contract. Eating with guests, I think is okay. It just depends again, if they’re doing their job as well.

Did you get photos at the end of the day then I think we’re fine. “The groom sister shows up in a white jumpsuit and says, it’s fine, i’m not wearing a veil.” Red flag. I mean, it’s, it’s one of those things again where it depends on your relationship if you know she’s doing it to be, um. Rude or make a scene, then yeah, it’s a red flag.

If you’re like, it’s a black and white party, wear whatever you want, then whatever, the couple bands photos or the couple bands, phones and cameras at the wedding, even during family photos, I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag, but it is a little controlling. You can’t expect everybody to just like keep their phones like locked away in a box.

Okay. “The bride asks everyone to wear neutral colors, so she pops in photos, including the moms.” I think that’s fine. I don’t think it’s red or green, red or green, but, um, color schemes can be hard for people to follow because then they have to go out and buy a specific dress, um, that matches and goes along with it, which is another expense for people, and they might not come because of it.

But yeah, if you are a bride and you’re like, Hey, can everyone wear this color? You have every right to put that out there on your imitation.

Secrets, Shade & the Family in Black

Okay, here we go. Okay. Here is our wedding story submission of the week. My eyes are watering, not because I’m crying, but because the light is so bright and sometimes it just gets so hot in here. Okay, here we go. “In 2017, my husband and I eloped and got married on the beach. It was small and intimate. Just my two adult children and my friend who officiated the ceremony.

Our plan was to keep it secret for two years and then have a big wedding celebration that didn’t last long. Two weeks later, we told my family and then his his on Father’s Day. No one seemed excited except for his dad and brother-in-law. To say they didn’t like me would be an understatement. I’m a loud, outspoken white girl and his family is very Latino. At this time, at the time his brother was getting married in December. This was back in June, and I was just so happy about finally being married. We were both nearly 50 at the weekly Friday night family dinners. I’d share little bits of our wedding plans. One night his older sister told me, ‘this is Christina’s time, not yours. Don’t talk about your wedding.'”

Who’s Christina? I’m so confused. Who’s Christina? Okay. Maybe we’ll find out. “Only recently after being diagnosed with autism and A DHD, did I understand that I was oversharing because I was trying to fit in.” Whoa. I can relate to that. “But I never really did. They didn’t talk about things I was interested in. They were quiet, reserved, and I was loud, Christina, the bride to be.” Okay, here we go. “Was marrying my husband’s youngest brother.” So her soon to be sister-in-law. “My mom completely played. Oh, his mom completely played favorites.

In Mexican tradition, different people sponsor parts of the wedding. One pays for the flowers, another for the cake. Someone else even buys the rings. I didn’t realize these sponsors are considered part of the official wedding party. So when Christina had a wedding party only, bachelorette party and didn’t invite me, even though the sister-in-law from Arizona was there. I was angry. I started to notice how people. I started to notice how often we were being left out, and I got frustrated with my husband for never standing up for me.

It became a constant argument every time it happened. Flash forward to the day before the wedding. I was in a group chat where everyone was talking about going to the nail salon, and once again, I wasn’t included.” But wait, she’s in the group chat. So are they just being like, Hey, are you all gonna be there? And then like, purposely not including her. If I was in a group chat and everyone was talking about going to the nail salon, I would just assume I was invited too. Unless they’re like, you know, uh, talking about it like in past tense, like, oh, ‘can’t wait to, you know. Go get our nails done or are you gonna be at the nail salon tomorrow?’ And then specifically calling out each person and not saying her name. I’m wondering why they just don’t like her so much. ’cause she’s just different or, or what. I can, I can also see, you know, like obviously in a lot of my stories, there’s couples that elope and then they come back and tell the family, right?

And so to me, I obviously, I haven’t finished the story. They seem like they could be pretty hurt that they weren’t included, which at the end of the day the bride and groom, or the, the person that’s said this story and her husband, they’re in their fifties. They are adults. They’ve been adults for a while, so if they wanna run off and get married, that’s their choice. She has adult children. You know, it was something that they wanted to do that was intimate. But if he comes from a large family where they like to celebrate together, that can be seen as like hurtful. So it seems to me like they might be holding this grudge against them because they chose to do this without including them, um, or allowing them to be a part of the day.

“I was hurt and texted the group saying, so, not realizing the bride herself was in the chat. She started the message, started crying and told everyone what I said. Suddenly I was the villain. His mother said, I brought shame to the family.” Wait, so if there, I’m still so confused. They’re all in a group chat talking about this nail salon appointment. What did she, so she’s just saying that she’s hurt, that she wasn’t included, but now she’s mean for saying that? I feel like I’m missing something. “No matter how many times I apologized and explained, I didn’t know the bride was in the chat. No one believed me.” And also, why would it matter that the bride was in the chat? So, like they’re all in a chat chat talking about it. So she just said, Hey guys, I’m, I feel hurt about this, and now they’re mad the bride was in the chat too. I don’t know.

Okay. “My husband and I had a huge fight and I said I wasn’t going to the wedding. Then his sister called me with their mom secretly in the car and started yelling. At that point, I was done. Still, the wedding happened and everything seemed fine on the surface, so I’m guessing she went to the wedding.” It just says, still the wedding happened, so I’m guessing she went. “When it came time to plan our big wedding, we met with the priest and mapped out how our families would be involved. I’m the youngest of six with 18 nieces and nephews. While he is one of five. We wanted to include as many kids as possible. During a family dinner, we began sharing details about the ceremony.

Suddenly, his mother stood up and started yelling in Spanish. I could only pick up a few words, but it was clear that she was furious. I walked out to take the dog for a walk to cool off. My husband followed and told me It’s you and me. That’s all that matters. She was still holding the other wedding against me saying I had disrespected his sister.”

I am so confused why she thinks she disrespected the sister. Because it was just a group chat that she was in. Then they were talking about going to the nail salon. They kept excluding her from all these events and she just said how she felt. I’ve seen in a lot of stories though, like where as soon as someone stands up for themselves, they’re saying like, ‘Hey, you left me out of this. That scene as attack. Someone that has not been communicated with before or called out on certain behaviors will see those kinds of things as an attack. And it sounds like they’re still holding a grudge against the couple for getting married secretly, and so they’re just holding it on. It’s just kind of growing and growing and growing.

“I decided to speak directly to his parents. I wrote out what I wanted to say in English, had a friend translate it and then read it aloud to her on the phone. Since my husband’s Spanish is terrible, his mom was cold and dismissive. My apologies meant nothing. She even told my husband, none of your other girlfriends were ever a problem.”

Yikes. Oh no. I’m still confused where this problem like started. Like I wanna know what happened before they went off and got married. Was there a relationship with his family? How did they all treat each other then? What happened? It, I, it always amazes me, I dunno if amaz is the right word, but things go bad so quickly. Like a couple of the brides I’ve talked to are like, yeah, we got along great. Like everything was fine. And then we got engaged. I saw a new side of her, or you know, they went wedding dress shopping and she had to have a white dress. You know, like it just changes so quickly. Like this personality or something that they’re like festering or holding onto just comes outta nowhere and they’re like, this is not the person I knew before we got engaged.

Um, I would like to hear, um, from more mother-in-laws. I wanna hear other perspectives. I always hear, and I’m not in, not in this scenario, I’m not calling this right out. ’cause I, I feel so badly for her, but I get, ’cause mother-in-laws will message me and they’ll be like, this is terrible. Like, I, you know, I would never treat my daughter-in-law, son-in-law this way.

Um. But, and then I get on the other end, I get mother-in-laws that’ll say like, you’re only showing terrible mother-in-laws. But most of my stories are from brides. So I just get their perspective. But I would love to hear from mother-in-laws and tell me other perspectives, um, so we can share them. Okay.

“Six months before our wedding, my husband had a health scare. At the same time, his brother was diagnosed with prostate cancer.” Wow. “His brother’s case turned out to be worse than expected, and everyone panicked, assuming my husband had it too. We didn’t have insurance at the time, but we made a plan. I tried to keep things positive, telling his sisters to stop with the doom and gloom and sending them articles about how treatable prostate cancer can be. A month before the wedding, none of his family had RSVP’d. He kept following up with his older brother finally called and said the family didn’t want us to have our church wedding, that they didn’t think I supported my husband.” So they’re just all gonna not go. Oh my gosh. That is honestly shocking because I feel like in a lot of these stories I read, they still end up going, there’s a lot of hurt here.

“For once my husband stood up for me. He told them that he knew I, he told them he knew I had his back and that I did more for him than any of them ever did. Eventually, they RSVP’d, but I was furious. I told my husband that after the wedding we were going to need a serious sit down because enough was enough.”

I don’t know what’s gonna happen, obviously, but that would stress me out. Knowing all these people that hate me and just told my husband they didn’t wanna come and celebrate us because they don’t think I support him, would break my heart. That would like rip me to stress. Um. So it’s like how do you enjoy your wedding day knowing your future husband’s family, or I guess it’s her husband already, husband’s family doesn’t like you.

Like that would just be so uncomfortable. “Then came the wedding day. Every woman in his family showed up wearing black.” Oh. Oh no, that’s intentional. Like I talked about this, not that, like not that long ago, like I’ve worn black to weddings before, but like certain weddings, like if you’re doing it as a guest and it’s like a wedding style dress, it’s fine, but when every woman’s wearing it, that’s a reason. That’s a reason.

“His mother refused to take photos with me at the church, which caused chaos with the photographer. His siblings avoided pictures too. My kids gave speeches with thinly veiled references to people not accepting us as a couple. Ooh. At one point his dad pulled me aside to dance out of his wife’s view later during the family group.” Okay, wait. “His dad pulled me aside to dance out of his wife’s view.” Yeah. Interesting. I’m guessing that’s, they’re still married. It’s the, it’s his mom and dad, so it makes me think that the dad does not support how the wife is treating her. “Later during the family group photos, I jumped in between his parents and smiled for the camera, putting my arms around them both.”

Oh, that’s a ballsy move. I, girl, I love it. I love that. For you. I, that couldn’t be me. That could not be me. Oh, wow. She’s just like, we’re family now. I’m here. “They didn’t stay at the hotel afterward. Didn’t come to the bar that night and skipped breakfast the next morning. It was awful.” I need to know more about this husband and wife here.

“My husband was heartbroken. He came from a big family, yet not one of them celebrated with us. Oh, and before the wedding. When I asked Christina for a list of family addresses, she kept dodging me. When we finally asked his mom who she wanted to invite, she said, no one. So my family ended up being about 75% of the guest list. We separated 18 months after the wedding.” No, I did not see that coming. Okay, so we don’t know if the separation had to do with the wedding, but here are my guesses, just based on reading this. I feel like the pressure of the family got to be too much. We don’t know anything within their relationship, but she talks about them fighting a lot and this taking a toll on them.

And that’s the thing. That’s what they say is like when you marry into a family or you marry someone, you are marrying their family. I mean, obviously it depends on how close they’re with their family, how close the family lives, but. If you’re walking into something like this where they don’t like you right off the bat, they make you the villain.

No matter what you do, it’s gonna be hard and your partner has to, has to actively choose you every day over your family. And if they’re gonna make comments and they’re going to show up to your wedding, all wearing black and make negative, you know, comments about you, they’re better off just not coming.

And he has to be able to decide what’s more important to him. And again, we don’t know why they separated, but I would put big money on. It’s because of the family dynamic. He probably ultimately was like, ‘Hey, this isn’t gonna work. I can’t cut my family out. They don’t like you. We’re fighting all the time. I’m not happy, whatever that is. Um, I’m so sorry. I hope you find happiness’ and um, gosh, that. That’s like a stressful, stressful situation. Um, and I hope you guys are all, are you, you? I hope you guys are both better off now because of it. Um, and that, uh, you can both find, find happiness beyond that.

All right.Well that was, that was a wild story. It kind of reminded me of like Ferris and Sloan, for anyone that’s read it, um, the story that, that’s now my book. I’m not trying to push it on you, but, um, you know, like Kate not immediately not liking his, his girlfriend now fiance, now wife, um, just right off the bat and nothing they can do can, can fix it, but, spoiler alert, Ferris ultimately chooses Sloan because he sees that what his mom is doing is not right. So, I don’t know. I want you guys to weigh in though. Tell me what you guys think about the situation. What, what do you think happened? And, um, yeah, I’m, I’m curious. I’m curious about it.

Confessions, Chaos & Champagne Thieves: The Wildest Wedding Secrets Yet

All right. Last segment is our confessions. I know I don’t always do these, but I like to throw them in here every once in a while. These are confessions people send me on Instagram, so here we go. ” One bridesmaid. I regret asking pushed my maid of honor out from as many pictures as she could.” I’m wondering, do you regret asking this bridesmaid before or after this happened because. If you regretted it from the beginning, then it’s a sign that we should maybe just like dismiss people. Um, yikes. Yeah. I mean, I’ve heard of people like asking someone early on and later on being like, I think I should not have them in the wedding. And you know what? Let’s normalize it. It’s kind of like a job, right?

If you’re their boss and you hired them, if they’re no longer doing the work or just something’s not vi, you can be like, ‘Hey, I don’t think it’s gonna work anymore. Um, you know, maybe you can just come as a guest.’ ‘Cause that sounds like there’s already some issues there.

All right. “My husband had two best men. One punched the other because his girlfriend fell and helped her to stand.” That sounds like some real, um, I’m trying to say this in like a clean way. Small dick energy. Sorry. I’m just gonna say it.

What? Just because you’re the other best man helped your girlfriend because she fell, you’re that insecure that you have to punch him in the face. I would hope that if any of my girlfriends fell near my husband that he would help them up. And I think my friend’s, husbands and boyfriends and partners wouldn’t be mad about that.

This just reads like some really insecure guy. Okay. “Got kicked out and almost punched for refusing to hug someone.” What kinda weddings are we going to guys? No. What is happening here? I’m so sorry. Um, “groom’s aunt hip checked mother of bride’s best friend as the best friend was saying Goodbye.” Wow. These are some violent and touchy people.

“One of my guests peed in the venue driveway at my wedding.” Cool. “Didn’t know a winter wedding was outdoors and wore a cream jacket, looked like I wore white.” That’s hard when it’s like you have to wear a coat outside and you’re not thinking about it. Um, I’ve seen that happen and it’s, it’s innocent. I mean, if you’re wearing a coat and there’s photos outside, what are you supposed to do? I don’t know. It happens.

“Someone opened and drank a gifted bottle of champagne for our, from our gift table. We had an open bar.” That’s just rude. That sounds like someone was already drunk and thought it would be funny.

“Told another guest off for talking on the phone during the best man’s speech.” I mean, good for you. If someone’s calling you during a wedding reception, get out of there. Go outside. Like you don’t need to be sitting there taking a phone call. That’s just phone call. Et etiquette though, I honestly, I, one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves is when I’m at a grocery store or some kind of store checking out and the person next to me is checking out and they’re just blabbing on their phone.

Well, the person, the porch cashier is like, ‘hi, how are you? Thanks for shopping.’ Whatever. And they’re just talking like, ‘yeah, whatever. Bagot.’ I’m like, no, get off your phone. It’s not that hard. Um, but I’m also someone that’s never on my phone. Like, I hate talking on the phone with a, with a passion. Um, if someone’s calling me, I am, I am assuming it’s detrimental. Like someone’s in the hospital, it’s bad. I dunno if that’s, is that a millennial thing? Someone told me.

Okay. Last one. I know I’m having so much fun reading these. “The night before the wedding, these drunk girls woke us up being so loud, so I made of honor yelled at them.” You go, girl, sounds to me like you are in a hotel. These things happen. I just assume when I stay at a hotel, I’m found to get woken up by something, whether it’s a kid running down the hall, drunk, people getting home late. It just, it happens at hotels all the time. I don’t know if it just happens here and there. Sure. But I have been to somewhere. It’s like nonstop running down the hall, banging on doors, like, okay, like let’s calm down a little bit.

All right. Those are some wild confessions, wild story. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you love this episode, please do me a huge favor. Share it with a friend. Take a screenshot. Share it on your So socials, whatever it is, tag me. I love seeing it. I love seeing where you’re tuning in from, whether it’s on your commute while you’re working or just relaxing at night because apparently we’re a top leisure podcast.

Um, which is funny because people always comment how like, I help help, I dunno if it’s help’s the right word. I raise your blood pressure while sharing these stories. So I’m really sorry. Maybe I should start doing more like calming stories. Would you guys like that? So more like relaxing and calming, uh, you know.

Romantic comedy stories, we can mix it up and don’t forget to share the podcast by leaving a quick review. It’s the best way to help people discover the show. So if you have some suggestions or stories or a wedding dilemma you want me to cover, please submit them at the link in the show notes. I also have my Google form where you can submit wedding stories.

I have hundreds and hundreds that I’m. Slowly working my way through. Um, they help inspire many of the skits and stories that I share on my podcast and YouTube as well. But again, thanks for listening and I will see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

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From Wedding Registry to Honeymoon Fund Revolution

Experiences Over Stuff: Why Honeymoons Actually Matter

The Wedding Letdown No One Warns You About

Cash Gifts, Etiquette, and the Fine Line Between Asking and Expecting

Wedding Industry Pressure & FOMO Marketing Gone Wild

Rapid Fire Truths: Honeymoon Planning, Timing, and Money Mistakes

The Wedding Calm Before the Chaos.

Stolen Car Keys, Police Threats, and a Mother-in-Law Meltdown

Choosing Peace Over Chaos (Even When It’s Family)

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Managing Family Dynamics and Wedding Finances Without Losing Your Sanity

Wedding Gift Etiquette, Thank You Notes, and Handling Uninvited Guests

Rapid-Fire Wedding Etiquette: The Rules Everyone Argues About

The Wedding Disaster That Somehow Became Perfect

Perspective is Everything: Stress Less, Celebrate More

The Weirdest Wedding Gifts & Modern Etiquette Tips

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Mother Of The Bride Myths, Power Plays & Pop Culture Chaos

Mother Of The Bride Horror Vault

Dress Shopping Disaster & The Rehearsal Dinner Ultimatum

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Chaos, DIY Disasters, and Planner Wisdom with Bethy Abdissa

Bride, Mom, and Mayhem: Red Flags and Wedding Chaos

Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened. Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories

Maid of Honor Meltdown: When Friendship and Wedding Plans Collide

When Photographers, Caterers & DJs Drop the Ball

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From Weddings to Motherhood

Wedding Stress & Boundaries

Last-Minute Saves & Meltdowns

When Sisterly Support Turns Competitive

Wedding Speech Fails and Social Media Chaos

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Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries

The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster

Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go

The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?

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Drama Ever After: Book Two, Friendship Feuds & Behind-the-Scenes Chaos

Wedding Dilemmas: Controlling Parents, Reckless Best Men & Tough Choices

Red Flags & Wedding Chaos: Ghosting Photographers & Exes at the After-Party

Maid of Honor Mayhem: Jealousy, Chaos & Wedding Drama

Wedding Speech Fails: Potty Jokes, Politics & Awkward Moments

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Late Glam, Lost Calm & Refund Rage

Proposals, Meltdowns & Unsolicited Advice: Christa’s Wedding 911 Segment

Red Flags, Green Flags & Wedding Madness

Secrets, Shade & the Family in Black

Confessions, Chaos & Champagne Thieves: The Wildest Wedding Secrets Yet

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Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened.

Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories