surprise wedding

Hired Bridesmaids, Fake Weddings, and a Parking Lot Party with Jen Glantz

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Weddings and meltdowns? A tale as old as time. In this hilarious and heartfelt episode, Christa chats with Jen Glantz, professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, about the chaos, comedy, and confessions that come with walking down the aisle.

From makeup disasters to fire alarms (yes, really), we hear a wild listener story that proves a great attitude and a solid DJ can save any wedding. Jen also shares her bold take on why the bridesmaid tradition might be on its way out — and we are HERE for it.

So grab your glass of champagne and tune in for secrets, laughs, and a whole lot of drama. Because if it didn’t go off the rails at least once, was it even a wedding?

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:40 Starting Bridesmaid for Hire

02:10 First Experiences as a Hired Bridesmaid

03:37 Wedding Drama and Secrets

10:32 Reflections on Weddings and Marriage

24:12 Surprise Weddings vs. Bridal Showers

24:39 Bridesmaid Dress Dilemmas

26:26 Wedding Day Mishaps and Makeup Mayhem

28:01 A Wedding Day Story: Locked in the Bridal Suite

36:02 Wedding Chaos and Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

When Makeup Goes Rogue – One bridesmaid’s obsession with touch-ups led to mismatched foundation and delayed the entire glam schedule. A perfect example of beauty chaos in action.
Locked in the Bridal Suite – Just minutes before the ceremony, the bride was accidentally locked in a historic art museum room by a kid… and had to be freed by maintenance.
The Corn-on-the-Cob Catastrophe – Steam from dinner set off the museum’s smoke detectors, forcing a full-on evacuation mid-wedding. Yes, over corn.
Dancing in the Parking Lot – With no venue access, the bartender rolled out drinks and the DJ kept the party going outside. Crisis = avoided.
The Uninvited Plus-One – An estranged wife of a guest showed up unannounced and partied like she was on the list. Because of course she did.
The Case for Bridesmaid Extinction – Jen shares her spicy hot take that bridesmaids aren’t just unnecessary, they’re on their way out completely.
Strangers Are the Best Listeners – Jen opens up about why she connects more deeply with strangers than friends, and how that makes her job as a pro bridesmaid uniquely powerful.
Chaos, Confessions, and a Wedding That Still Won – Despite the disasters, the couple (and their guests) still call it the most fun wedding they’ve ever been to, and that’s the real win.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“This is like literally a movie-like, all these little things that happen? Insane. Wild.” – Christa Innis
“We shield ourselves in certain ways, not because someone’s making us, but because it just feels easier to be our full selves around strangers sometimes.” – Christa Innis
“If you go into your wedding day knowing something will go wrong, you’re gonna be fine. It’s the ones expecting perfection that freak out.” – Christa Innis
“Please, guests, don’t tell the bride drama during the wedding. Save it for next week!” – Christa Innis
“Just leave it to the professionals, and please, put down the iPad.” – Christa Innis
“I don’t love weddings, I love helping strangers through one of the most stressful times in their lives.”– Jen Glantz
“Your best friend might lie to spare your feelings. I won’t, I’ve got no stakes in this game.” – Jen Glantz
“Being locked in a room on your wedding day? That’s my literal nightmare.” – Jen Glantz
“You don’t need bridesmaids. In five to ten years, I think they’ll be extinct.” – Jen Glantz
“If you have good people and good vendors, they can carry you through anything, even a wedding evacuation.” – Jen Glantz

About Jen:

Jen Glantz turned a closet full of bridesmaid dresses into a bold idea: what if you could hire a professional bridesmaid? After joking about always being a bridesmaid, a lightbulb moment, and a Craigslist ad, led to 250+ inquiries in two days. In 2014, she launched Bridesmaid for Hire, offering unbiased support in a $300B wedding industry. Since then, Jen’s helped hundreds of clients, trained a team of pros, and become the go-to expert on wedding chaos, featured on the TODAY Show, GMA, and more.

Follow Jen Glantz:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Jen. Thank you for being here.

Jen Glantz: Thank you so much for having me.

Christa Innis: It feels so funny to like say hi now ’cause we’ve just been chatting nonchalantly for like 30 minutes. I’m like, oh, maybe we should like start recording. I feel like we just so naturally just started like hanging out like old friends. ’cause I’ve been following your content for such a long time and I feel like it just fits so well into what we’re gonna talk about today.

Jen Glantz: Oh, I’m so excited to be here. I love the show. I’ve been following you too, and I feel like we’re like long distance best friends who needed a reason to meet and now we’re meeting, so this is great.

The Professional Bridesmaid Who Saves Weddings (and Keeps Secrets)

Christa Innis: Yeah, and we just found out that our daughters are like pretty much twins, like born the same time, so that’s pretty fun too. So all these things just lining out, which is kind of cool. So let’s talk about a little bit more about you. you started Bridesmaid for Hire, so let’s talk about that and then we’ll get into all the drama and crazy stories that you might have. So how did you get started and like what made you start it?

Jen Glantz: It was such an accident. I was in my early twenties and like a lot of people, I was just asked to be a bridesmaid so many times by friends. And then what happened? It was like distant friends, people I hadn’t spoken to in forever started asking me to be a bridesmaid.

And I didn’t really like being a bridesmaid. I thought it was expensive. I just thought it was like too much. I didn’t like it. And I was venting to my roommate one night after two of these distant friends asked me and she was like, Jen, they’re asking you ’cause you’re a professional. Like you’re just good at this.

And I had like a light bulb moment where I thought, okay, if I could do this for people who I hardly know, maybe I could do it for people I really don’t know. And at the time, Craigslist was a big thing. So it was a Friday night. I opened up Craigslist and I posted an ad offering my services as a hired bridesmaid for strangers.

The ad went completely viral. I got hundreds of emails, people wanting to hire me, and now it’s been a decade and I’ve been a hired bridesmaid for hundreds of strangers.

Christa Innis: That’s amazing. I was gonna ask you, how many times have you been at BRIDESMAID now? So now it’s been like in the hundreds?

Jen Glantz: Yes. There were years where I worked like 59 weddings a year. I would work two or three weddings a weekend. I didn’t see anybody, none of my friends, not my boyfriend, who’s now my husband, like I was only on the road working weddings. I’ve since slowed down a little bit ’cause I have a toddler, but I still do it and the business is alive and well.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. And so. What was that like first wedding? Like where you worked with a stranger? Like were you kind of figuring things out because I’m sure it’s so different with someone you know, versus someone that like you know nothing about. Like were you interviewing them first, finding out that you’re a good match? What were kind of the stipulations for like working together?

Jen Glantz: It was so crazy ’cause I had posted this Craigslist ad. I got all these responses and I just happened to scroll through one, her name was Ashley from Maple Grove, Minnesota, and in her email she was like, I wanna hire you because my best friend, I just fired her as my maid of honor. She was jealous. She was sabotaging the wedding. Ashley had mentioned that her mom had passed away and she just really didn’t have the support that she needed. And I got the email. I called her up, we talked for a little bit, and I thought. Okay, let’s do this. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t the best bridesmaid in the world. I didn’t like being a bridesmaid. But I posted this ad for fun and I got this response and I thought, okay, well maybe it is my calling. So a couple weeks later, I got on a plane. I flew to Minnesota, I walked into her house and I was her bridesmaid for the weekend. We instantly connected. I found this like love for her in so many different ways.

I was able to show up for her. I walked down the aisle for her. I wore the dress. I danced on the dance floor with her. And I remember getting back on the plane thinking this was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And nobody’s gonna understand this, but I absolutely know that this is something that the world needs and I’m gonna spend my life doing it. And that was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: Wow. So I’m sure you get, like you said, like this girl had just fired her maid of honor. So I’m sure you get all kinds of like dirt or tea or stories like from people that are like, okay, like this is the bridesmaid to look out for, or we’re having issues with this bridesmaid. Like, are you so quickly like brought into the drama or brought into the dynamics of the family?

Jen Glantz: Oh, beyond. I don’t know if you realize this, like, and you do this probably too. It’s like we tell strangers things a lot easier than we do tell our friends, our family members. I know like, I’ve been on the subway or I’ve been on a bench in New York and I’ve struck up conversation with someone and told them a secret that my friends don’t even know about me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: You know, we go to therapy, we tell the therapist things nobody knows about us. Yeah. So to a lot of people who hire me, I’m that temporary pair of ears that they can just trauma dump and never have to see again.

Yeah. I think. Interesting thing is, is that when someone hires me, nobody else knows I’m hired.

So they don’t tell their family, their friends, sometimes they don’t even tell their Beyonce. But I do think I bring this energy to people around me of you can trust me, you can tell me things and I won’t judge you. ’cause I really have no stake in the game to judge you. Mm-hmm. So I end up being that bridesmaid with no agenda, no real intentions. And people come to me to tell me things because I think I give off that energy. So I have mothers telling me things, bridesmaid telling me things like everyone telling me things and yeah, you often leave the wedding and you’re like, I am so full with drama right now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with like, I need to explode, but I have nowhere to explode. It’s the weirdest and worst feeling after the wedding.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I mean, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s like one of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. Oh, that was the first time that this has happened to me. Like, you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

Yeah. But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years into the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her like, look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. You know?

But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because like that just doesn’t seem right to me. Yeah, this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and my, you know, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is, is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the wedding, the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is crazy. It was crazy.

Christa Innis: Like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind of like it sounds so crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both like, yeah, you know, I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just like have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So like nobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways. And that happens. I mean, not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’ve, seen it happen before too, where like all the signs were there and I’ve talked this before, so sorry to people listening. They’re like, I’ve heard this story, but A wedding that I was in years ago, and it was like all the signs, like every single event that we had around the wedding, the shower, the bachelorette party, even the rehearsal like ended with her in tears, like saying, I don’t wanna do this and I, like, we all sat in the car and we’re like, you don’t have to do this. We will figure out a way to get you out of this. But it was like more about now the presentation of the wedding and it was like, no, we’ll make it work. And I’m like, if you have all these negative gut feelings, I don’t know, like something’s telling me, you know? And so I feel like that happens a lot too. ’cause it’s more of the pressure of the big day, oh, family’s flying in. Oh we already paid the vendor. Or what are people gonna think of us? And it’s like, well it either doesn’t work out now or down the line it you get divorced or whatever. But yeah…

Jen Glantz: And in a weird way I get it because I do think like it’s hard to back out right before, and I’ve talked to so many people who are like. I remember walking down the aisle of my first marriage thinking, wow, this is gonna suck to have to do again. Like they knew on their wedding day that it just wasn’t gonna work.

But they were so far deep into it, and I get that, like, you get yourself so far into a situation, you might just take it to the finish line and then back out of it after. I can never judge people for that, and I completely, completely get it. But yeah, it’s really weird when someone admits that to you because there’s this aura around a wedding that everyone’s supposed to be in love and happy, but that’s not always the case.

Christa Innis: Right. I know. I think that’s where like in the wedding industry, it gets very caught up with like, looks and appeal and like, who’s spending the most money. And I feel like that’s where like a lot of the drama comes into with like, the lot of stories I read, it’s all about like looking good and like, flashy, flashy. And it’s like, are we getting lost in the mix of all this chaos around weddings versus like. A couple that just has a very intimate wedding and just signs a paper, Or just has like 15 other closest friends,not saying one’s better than the other, but I feel like sometimes we get lost in like what other people want for us or looking good in front of other people, for sure.

Jen Glantz: I think it’s scary because we get so lost in it that the wedding ends and then you’re left with the marriage and you’re like, wait a second. I spent no time thinking about the marriage. I spent no time planning what would be next. That there is that wedding blues thing where after you get married you’re like, what now?

What is life? Do I really wanna be with this person forever? Like I didn’t even have a wedding. But I did feel that after we got married, the first year of marriage was so hard for me. ’cause I was like, wait a second. I’m stuck with this my whole life, like this little thing about my husband, like he’s never gonna change this.

I have to deal with this forever. Like I definitely had moments of that where I was like, wait a second. But like I think we just feel really strange after the wedding. And if you do a good job preparing for marriage, asking your partner the right questions, being on the same page about finances and future stuff, then the wedding will end no matter how you get married.

And your marriage will be off to a good start. But if you focus so much on the wedding and then you leave the wedding, you’re in debt, you’re sad ’cause that chapter’s over, it makes marriage really hard and that first year can be kind of brutal.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree with that too. I feel like there’s a lot of people that don’t realize or they realize, but they kind of pushed it aside. They’re like, oh, everything’s just gonna fall in place. Because I think it’s like the movies, you know, we talk about the movies and it’s like, you see all these like romance movies when you grow up and the finish line is the marriage or the wedding, right? And so like they get married at the end, they fall in love and they live happily ever after. I dunno if it’s like how girls grow up, right? We see these movies with princesses but like there’s more after the happily ever. After the big thing, there’s the actual life starting now.

Jen Glantz: It’s so boring. Like honestly, it’s so boring. So like how are you gonna be okay with that? You know? I feel like you planned this like grand wedding and then it’s over, and then you’re like, wait, now I’m on the couch with this person for the rest of my life. There’s a big reality check that I think people feel and no one really talks about.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah. I think that’s such an important conversation. I mean, we see these a lot, these stories when they come together, to get married. And then it’s like that, we were just talking about this before recording, how different families and personalities come together for this big day.

You hear like for example, somebody’s mother-in-law stories and then now you’re like, I’m married into this family, so now I have to see this mother-in-law at every single event. Or I have to see this cousin that hates me every single event or whatever that is. So like what people say is you’re not just marrying your partner, you’re marrying the family, or you’re marrying a routine or you’re marrying, that becomes your life, I guess.

Jen Glantz: It really does. I think the drama you’re experiencing within the wedding won’t go away. When the wedding is over. It will carry through to your life. So how you deal with it, how you process it, how you fix it during the wedding will be an indication of how you can handle it after. Because drama doesn’t just come and go with the wedding I think it sticks around for a long time, if not forever sometimes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So in these scenarios, when you are hired as a bridesmaid, I feel like some of these dramatic moments are moments where they like kind of wanna like pull you into what’s going on. How do you like mix, empathy versus professionalism versus like how do you kinda like carry, I feel like it’d be so challenging for some of these moments.

’cause you’re like, okay, am I a friend here, but am I also like a bridesmaid? Like how do you do all that?

Jen Glantz: The only way to do it is to go all in. To go all in and pretend and not pretend, but to truly believe that this person is your friend, and to treat them that way and to show them like this level of love that you have for your friends, for this person you hardly know, which I think makes doing the job hard.

And you at the core have to be a person who. Likes other people who enjoys other people, even people who are so different than you. So I go all in. I have to listen to the drama, I have to take it on. It becomes my drama. And you have to really be there for the person, even if inside you’re thinking, this is so stupid.

This is so, like, there’s bigger problems in life. Like you’re thinking all these things. It’s just like when your friend vents to you and you’re like, I wanna tell them. Like, get over it. But instead you’re like, no, I’m here. I hear you. I’m listening. Well, how can we get through this? Like, you really have to be in the moment.

But I think again, when you leave these weddings, you never see these people again. You’re cut off from the drama, you don’t always know how things end. And you go back to your real life and you’re like, who do I talk to about this? And for a while it was like really, really hard. It would take me like 24 to 48 hours to detox from this drama and everything I experienced.

And it was really tough. And my husband, who was my boyfriend back then. He would be like listening, but he wouldn’t be able to fully understand or process ’cause he didn’t walk in those shoes.

Christa Innis: Right.

Jen Glantz: So yeah, it became really hard. It became like I was living in this double life where I’d come back to my real life and I would be like depressed because I’m just like shedding all of this emotion that I carried for a weekend.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think I saw, and I, if you do this for every wedding, but like sometimes you like. People don’t know you’re a hired bridesmaid. so sometimes you have a story means you have a different name. So how did that kind of start and do you think those are more common than being who you are as like known of, a hired bridesmaid?

Jen Glantz: So most of the time when they hire me, I have a fake name, a fake backstory, and I integrate into their life. So they’ll say, okay, I want you to be Jackie from high school. Here’s where I went to high school. Here’s everything you need to know. And I study this identity. I study all the facts from street corners to clubs we were in.

I read the yearbook like, oh my gosh, on this role as Jackie. And then when the wedding ends, Jackie disappears. And it’s not that weird ’cause like friends do come and go from our lives. So it’s very normal that Jackie would just be flaky and like never talk to this person again. That happens. So I become Jackie and then I ditch Jackie.

And then the next wedding I go to, I become Samantha. And I change my identity for these people to really integrate into their lives. They wanna keep it a secret. They don’t want people to know, and that’s their choice. And I carry that out for them.

Christa Innis: Wow. So. That sounds like you’re like the FBI or you’re like undercover. Do you ever stress out about like, what if I actually say the wrong name when I’m just chatting with someone?

Jen Glantz: Oh, like beyond the secret is when you’re talking to people, you just talk more about them and not about you. So like if they ask me a question, I’m like, everything’s good. I’m like, yeah, I’m good.

How about you? Like you just throw it back on them so that you don’t talk very much, which is. Totally fine. Like you could be the shy bridesmaid who just is like kind of aloof and that’s the personality you take on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That also sounds so fun ’cause it’s like you get to like live up whatever, like you’re just telling these crazy stories. You’re like, yeah, when I was in college I did this. And you’re just living your best life. Do you go to bachelorette parties? Do you go to showers? Like what other kind of events do you attend and like what are those kind of like?

Jen Glantz: I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are kind of more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light. Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. So I think that’s like a lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it. I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just like be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

I’m Not Wedding-Obsessed But I’ll Be There for You”

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then like being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and like what are your favorite parts of it all?

Like, because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this, this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that like shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You know, I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings. I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this like deep love for strangers and helping people Idon’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect with strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a part of your wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. Right? And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or you know, whatever it is. Um, yeah, and I’m

Jen Glantz: Not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So like, if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s kind of the relationship is like, I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. Like go through it that go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that I’m, my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that you said too, like it’s easier to talk to strangers about things than like people in your own life. ’cause I was like, it’s weird. I like kind of, I get that what you’re talking about. It’s such like a profound thing that I’ve never thought about. But like even when I started my TikTok account, I made sure like. It was a brand new account. I didn’t tell any of my, even like best friends that I was doing other than my husband, no one knew I was making videos on TikTok until like it hit a certain point. Then I was like, okay, they’ll probably see it somewhere. So I was like, here, like, just so you know, I’m not like lying or like making things up. I was like, here, this is my account. because it just felt easier to almost feel like, you know what? These people don’t know anything about me. I can be like on the internet and do a weird skit and know they’re not gonna be like, oh, that girl’s weird. ’cause I’m like, I have no idea who that is. You know.

Jen Glantz: Less pressure for you because then you don’t have to think about, okay, what is my friend gonna think of this? Or what is this person gonna think? Like, it’s less pressure, it’s the more authentic version of you. I think it’s amazing when people do that because I think like we’re so swayed by the people in our lives for so many things.

Like I think It could be good to get engaged and not tell anybody for a really long time and spend that time making your own decisions about what you want for your wedding because you’d be surprised, like the second you get engaged and you tell people, everybody has an opinion for you. Everybody is swaying you one way or the other. And I think that’s really hard for people. So I love that you did that because I really think it allows you to be authentic without the pressure of everyone in your life.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think we definitely, I don’t know if it’s like shield ourself in certain ways. Not because one’s making us, but I just think we naturally like maybe act a certain way around someone or say something around a person. And that allows us to be like our, like you said, authentic self.

Okay. I know we’re kind of like behind schedule and I know you’ve got, I don’t wanna like keep you too long, so let’s get to the next area and if we have a cutoff, let me know too.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God, no. Thank you. I’m like texting my husband. He’s like, Just wondering. So I was like texting you.

Blisters, Secrets, and Surprise Weddings

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, sorry. Okay, so we’re gonna do a quick rapid fire and then we’re gonna do this week story submission, if that works for you. Okay. So Rapid Fire Wedding Chaos Edition. Would you rather find out the bride copied your wedding, or your best friend booked her wedding the same day as yours?

Jen Glantz: I’d rather someone copy my wedding because I feel like. That wouldn’t bother me as much. I do feel like it would make me kind of flattered that they liked my style or my design, but I think my best friend having the same wedding, that would be, really awful. Like, yeah, that’d be tough to get over. And I think it would separate the friendship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I agree. Would you rather have a maid of honor speech include your most embarrassing story story or your biggest secret?

Jen Glantz: I think embarrassing story. ’cause I think if it’s enough distance, time-wise, you can process that. It’s funny but secret. That could be like a dagger to the heart. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially you don’t know if it’s coming. You’re like, great.

Jen Glantz: Right. No embarrassing story. I feel like with distance it could be funny.

Christa Innis: Yeah. would you rather have to plan a surprise bridal shower or a surprise wedding?

Jen Glantz: You know, I once went to a surprise wedding and it was so cool. So I think I would say surprise wedding actually, because I feel like it’s so shocking for everybody that like it is kind of magical. Whereas bridal shower, it’s cute, it’s fun, but like I think the wedding could be really, shocking.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like showers, like in my parents’ generation at least, they used to be a little more surprised. Like my mom was like, we never knew when it was coming, and like you would just get surprised. So, yeah well, surprise wedding sounds really fun. Would you rather wear a bridesmaid dress you hate, which you might have? Sorry about that. Or shoes that give you blisters.

Jen Glantz: Mm-hmm. God, this one’s like really dark. I would say bride me dress you hate. ’cause when you take it off at the end of the night, you can like leave it behind. But we’ve all had those blisters on our feet that linger for like a month and are so painful no matter what shoe you wear. Like my feet right now are like tingling, thinking about it. So I think I would say ugly dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can only imagine the amount of bridesmaid dresses you have. You could probably have a collection.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, they’re literally all in garbage bags at my husband’s, parents’ house, and then we have an office and I just have like garbage bags of dresses.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Jen Glantz: Ever need a bridesmaid dress? Let me know. I probably have it. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: You could have like your own bridesmaid, like resale store or something from all of them.

Jen Glantz: I tell all my friends and I tell everyone I know, like, if you ever have to go to a wedding, call me first. I’ve got dresses in every size. Like, come over, take ’em. But the only rule is you cannot bring it back like once. It’s yours. It’s yours. I don’t want it.

Christa Innis: would you rather have to redo your hair and makeup three times or redo the seating chart the morning of.

Jen Glantz: I think the seating chart, I think you can get away with that easier, but you’re doing your hair and makeup, that takes so much time that I worry it would push the wedding time start. So…

Christa Innis: Yeah, that would stress me out. would you rather have a wedding, be kid free or phone free?

Jen Glantz: Because I have a kid, I’m gonna say phone free. I know that kid free weddings are like such a thing. But I do think there is such like life that these little kids bring to weddings and I’m so biased. But I do think like it’s more fun. Whereas like a phone wedding, I think we can all like put the phone down.

Like everyone’s taking like videos of them on the dance floor. Like of what? No one wants to see your head on Instagram of you like bobbing your head dancing.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: Let the kids come if you want.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Leave it to the, professional photographers. Yes, yes. Yeah. Be present. And it’s so funny because, and I know this is gonna be a blanket statement, but I feel like the, older generation that tends to be like, oh, get off your phone.

They’re the ones more on their phones at weddings when I am at weddings or their iPads.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. I was just gonna say that I’ve been to so many weddings where they’re the first two rows and their iPad is like up in the air and I’m like, oh my god. No. Yeah. I think like phone free would be amazing for everyone. Oh my gosh. I love that.

Locked Doors, Dessert Raids, and a Surprise Guest

Christa Innis: Okay, and now the story submission, are we still okay on time?

Jen Glantz: So nervous. Okay. Awesome.

Christa Innis: Okay, so this is this week’s story submission. I’ve not read it yet, so we’ll react together. this might be drama for some, but to me it was just funny. Here’s the story of our wedding day.

I come from a big family and most of them stayed in the same hotel as us the night before the wedding in different rooms. Of course, my husband took, my cousin, took it upon themselves. To make sure my husband and I didn’t accidentally run into each other the night before the ceremony. It was actually the first time he was meeting some of them, and he thought it was hilarious how seriously they took their self-appointed mission as my gift to my bridesmaids.

I paid for professional hair and makeup. One of my bridesmaid, let’s call her Leah, is a family member who kept going back for touchups between everyone else, the rest of the bridal party, my mom, even my daughter. Which caused a delay for me getting ready and threw off our timeline. Karma’s real though, because she had her makeup redone so many times.

I love that. We were just talking about having makeup redone and then this just happens. She had her makeup redone so many times. She ended up with two different foundation shades. So now in all the wedding pictures, she only shows up in profile. We got married in an art museum that used to be an old mansion.

The bridal suite was the original master bedroom complete with its original door. The museum was still open to the public when the wedding started, our ceremony was at 4:30 PM and the MU museum closed at five and there was a kid’s room right to the outside of the suite. Okay. A lot of, lot of set up details here.

Um, after the bridal party left to line up for the perception processional, I had a few minutes to myself. Not even two minutes later, I heard a kid fall into the door. Yep. They jammed it shut and I got locked inside. This sounds like a movie. Oh my gosh. I would be freaking out. Oh God. I would not do well with that. I’m telling you right now.

Jen Glantz: No, my like, literally my number one fear is getting locked inside of a bathroom. I will never lock the door. I’m like, this is like my fear. My fear,

Christa Innis: Yeah. Have you ever been somewhere where the, the doorknob gets like clicked and for a minute you’re like, this is where I live now.

Jen Glantz: It happened to me the other day. In like a dark little coffee shop bathroom, and I could not get the door open and I, I was freaking out. I was like, how does this end, it’s my, it’s my biggest fear. My whole body like shuts down and get hives. Like I’m listening to this and I’m like, on the wedding day, like the worst thing that could happen.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said, when I didn’t show up downstairs, my wedding coordinator came to find me and discovered that the door was stuck. I was laughing the whole time. At least Alicia can laugh about it. I give the credit. I know. I’m like sweating, thinking about it. I know. She ended up grabbing the maintenance man and my photographer and they had to take the hinges off the door to get me out.

Jen Glantz: God.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. This is like a total side story, but I’m thinking about how there was this one time. So we have a balcony where we live and one time my husband and I were out, like reading one morning, this was before we had kids, our daughter, and I’m like reading and he’s like, I’m gonna go in and shower.

And I’m like, not paying attention, so I’m just reading blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he, um, wasn’t thinking. And I like finally go to go inside. The door is locked and he like was just, just doing his normal thing. So he just like shut it. And I’m like out there and I’m like, and it was like a hot day and like this is me just like being dramatic.

And I didn’t have my phone out. I didn’t bring my phone out, I didn’t bring my watch out. And I’m like. Oh my gosh. Okay. I’ll just try to read, I’m like sitting there panicking and I’m like, what if like, he like takes a long shower and like sometimes he just like, like, um, breathing exercises. And I was like, what if he takes so long to get outta here?

And then he like finally comes out and I’m at the door and I’m like, he’s like, oh my gosh, did I lock you in?

Jen Glantz: Nope. Like, what if he left to go out or something? Like what would you have done? What would you have done? I dunno.

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I mean, luckily we’re not too high off, but I probably would just flag someone if I saw ’em on the street. Like, hey!

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, but like that is like terrifying. That is. But even being stuck out there for five minutes, like your life kind of flashes before you, you’re like, is there an end to this? It’s scary.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially when you on the clock, like you lose like track of time. You’re like, how long was I out here for?

I don’t even know what it was. I, no, it probably 30 seconds, but it feels like 20 minutes, like two minutes. Um. Why my mom always called me dramatic growing up. Um, okay. The ceremony went great. Okay, so I guess so she got out, ceremony went great. Cocktail hour, also a win. Then dinner service started. Remember, we’re still in a museum.

They brought out a fresh tray of corn on the cob and the steam from it set off the smoke detectors. Because we weren’t an official museum event, we had to evacuate until the fire department arrived. Damn.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. Okay. I honestly thought the fire department was gonna have to come to knock down the door.

So I’m like, okay. There’s, I’m glad the fire department’s coming now. Like that is awful. Imagine standing outside in your wedding dress with all of your guests just like standing this room.

Christa Innis: This is like literally like a movie, like seeing like all these things. I’m just glad she’s like being able to like look back and like laugh on it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: She said 30 minutes outside, no fire trucks. It’s like weddings, like 30 minutes is a lot of time. There’s a lot that can happen. Yes. Turns out the security officer told dispatch not to send them since there wasn’t an actual fire, but the museum’s insurance required them to come, so we were stuck outside for over an hour. Oh no!

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. That is crazy. Like also like are, were they allowed to bring drinks with them? Food with them? I doubt it. Like I’m sure. Yeah. And like, God, the temperature was, and people standing around like it, I think it also kills the vibe ’cause everyone was probably like up, up, up. And then they’re like back down to reality. So recovering from that must be really tough.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Seriously? Yeah. Then you’re, yeah, you’re like, you’re like outta your party mode. You’re like, okay, what? When are they gonna get here?

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, but don’t worry, our bartender pulled their truck around and kept serving drinks. There you go. In the parking lot, the DJ grabbed a speaker and his phone and the people were dancing in the parking lot. I love that. That is so awesome.

Jen Glantz: She did it right. That’s how you, but that’s also how you know that like. This couple is good and chill because they were able to look at a situation like this and not panic and they were able to figure out a way to get through it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and this is one of the things I talk about too, like in different like videos and stuff is like I get sometimes brides being like, oh my gosh, your video stressed me out. Like I don’t want wedding to be like that. And I’m like, no, I’m telling you, most of the time there’s no drama or people don’t know about it. Like it would be something so small and you just talk about it later. But if you go in with like. In your mind, like, okay, something will go wrong today. It’s bound to happen. There’s gonna be something, right? But if you tell yourself that, then you’re just gonna be like, oh, okay, okay. The dress needs to be steamed and we’re gonna be a little late. Or, oh, so and so’s Uber didn’t show up. You know, like there’s always gonna be something. But like if you’re just like, what can you do? Make the best out of a situation and go roll with the punches, right.

Jen Glantz: So true. I think. Yeah, exactly. Like you said, people have to go into it knowing that at least three things will go wrong. It just things happen in threes. Three things most people won’t know. You might not even know, and that’s good too, but there’s no such thing as a perfect day. I mean, these things happen. It’s life.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And too, like we were talking about, is like I dramatized a lot of the skits while some Yes, I’m sure happened just like that at weddings. Um, like for example, there was like two, like two pretty small things. I wouldn’t say small. Drama ish moments that happened at our wedding, but we didn’t know, like us as the bride and groom, no one told us it happened until like weeks after.

They were like, oh, by the way, so and so said this to so-and-so. And then we were like, wait, what? And so they kept us out of it. So if you’re listening to your guests at a wedding, always keep the bride and groom out of it. Don’t tell them about little dumb things that happen. ’cause at the end of the day, like it doesn’t matter and don’t let it affect their day.

Jen Glantz: No. And if you’re in the bridal party, don’t tell the bride anything until like exactly like a week later. But yeah, I see sometimes made of actors or bridesmaids will like run up to tell the bride. I’m like, oh no, no. Like keep them out of this. They don’t need to know. It makes them just feel a lot better not knowing the truth.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Um. She said go, but wait, there’s more. When we finally got back inside, someone had thrown out our dinner plates. Why? Why is someone trying to ruin this wedding? Crazy. Yeah. Um, and people had already started raid the dessert table. We didn’t have a cake, just two chocolate fountains, one with white chocolate for me and one with milk chocolate for my husband.

Interracial couple goals. Um, so she says the caterer had to rearrange everything to make the couple table look full again, so we could have our, our cake moment when we dipped and fed each other. As the party kept going, we noticed a woman dancing like she was having in the time of her life. Neither of us recognized her, so we assumed she was someone’s plus one.

We were wrong. It was the estranged wife of one of my husband’s friends. She found the invitation and decided to crash the way.

Jen Glantz: God. Okay. This is like a wedding where it’s like bad things happen in threes, but this is like, we’re at like six, like this is crazy, crazy. At that point, I’d just be like, okay, invite the fire truck crew, like whatever.

At this point, you know, all can come in who sees an invitation and is like, yeah, I’m gonna go, but I’m not invited. Like, that’s ballsy.

Christa Innis: That is really ballsy. Yeah. Just be like, you know what? I’m gonna stir up some drama. I mean. I, it’s, there’s no drama about her. I guess she just showed up, so,

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah. And when you look at the perspective of this whole day, that’s like the least dramatic thing. So it’s like, okay, great. Like we have a wedding crasher, but also I was locked in a closet. The fire department was here. There’s no food. The desserts ruined. Like perspective wise, we’re like, let her stay, like let her have her best time here. She’s welcome.

Christa Innis: Yes, yes. Um, she said it’s been five years and people still talk about how ours was one of the best weddings they ever attended, despite all the chaos, and honestly, I have to agree, we laugh about it every time we tell the story.

It makes a really good story to like just tell people. I love that. Like every little thing that happened, they were able to just like laugh about it and be like, we’re a fun couple. We don’t care. This is not gonna bring us down. I love it.

Jen Glantz: I mean, honestly. A lot of weddings are the same, and you leave them and you’re like, well, that was it. Like that was like the last one. And like you hear a story like this and imagine like going home and telling people this story, like it makes it fun. I don’t know, it’s not like I don’t wish bad things on anybody, but like I do think when hiccups like this happen, they do make for good stories and memories for people.

And the last thing you want, I think, when you’re planning a wedding is for people to leave and be like, it was generic. Like it was just, you know, okay. Like you kind of want them to have like a moment to talk about, obviously not. So dramatic like this, but yeah, I feel like, but something people are, yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean I feel like the dancing in the parking lot where the de like that is so fun and the fact that like they just thought quickly. It’s also a sign that she hired some great vendors because I feel like I know vendors that would not be as like, no. You’ve heard, I’m sure you’ve seen or heard stories too, or you just, there’s some vendors that are just very like, this is it. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, I, it shows that she had like good vendors, good people at her wedding, good partner. She had a lot of good, and I think if you have a lot of good going for you, it’ll outweigh anything that happens at your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, totally. Um, yeah, that’s like another note for people that are listening. ’cause like I’ve heard even weddings about like. It down pouring, but it still just ends up being this beautiful day and they just like dance in the rain or they like have beautiful photos and everyone’s just like sopping wet and they’re just like, but it was amazing. Like if you’ve got good vibes and you’ve got that good energy, it’s gonna be amazing no matter what.

Jen Glantz: I agree. I agree.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well that was a crazy story. I’m like picturing it as like a movie. All these like little like things that happen like. Insane. Wild.

Jen Glantz: I give her a lot of credit. I think she made the best of it and I think it’s a true testament to other people. Like, go with the flow, it’s gonna be okay. And yeah, there’s things that are gonna happen that you just can’t plan for.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Okay. I like to end these with, um, weekly confessions. So people send me confessions on Instagram, so I’ve got a couple here that we’ll just react to, um, at the very end here. Okay. Um, wedding planning landed. My mom and I in therapy six years to this day, don’t, and we don’t talk about it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: that’s rough. Like we were just talking about, weddings can bring out the worst in people, but can also just bring out all these like unresolved emotions. ’cause I feel like it’s all this one day different personalities coming together, finances, starting new lives. It’s, it’s a lot.

Jen Glantz: It’s not the wedding. This was gonna happen either way. Just the wedding. Propelled it forward, unfortunately, yes.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, my middle sister and I missed our eldest sister’s wedding ceremony because of a traffic jam. Ooh, that is some traffic jam.

Jen Glantz: I know. I’ve seen that happen. I’ve seen it happen. And then the couples like, well, do we push the ceremony back and wait for people? But like, there’s a timeline. Uh, it happens like we did not go to my, my husband’s brother’s wedding. There we’re all very close with him. We did not go because my 2-year-old had 105 fever. Yeah. And we couldn’t go, like we just physically, my, my husband ended up going, but we couldn’t go. And it was like so hard to explain people without kids. It was so hard to like explain the situation. But in my head I’m like, I know this is the biggest day of their life, but like there will be other days, I’m like, this is like a circumstance we can’t control. And I think you have to kind of let that go and people miss it or they can’t go. ’cause of like these crazy circumstances, forgive, because they try Like you try your hardest.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you gotta try. Yeah. And you can’t, you can’t hold on to like a, like a grudge. Hopefully. I mean, she doesn’t say too much other than that, but it’s like hopefully the sister doesn’t hold on Grudge and. If it was just a ceremony, maybe there’s a reception after and they all, you know, dance the night away.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, our flora, this last one says our florist was shut down by the IRS the week of our wedding. No notice and no help.

Jen Glantz: Hmm. That’s tough because like you already spent the money. It’s hard to find. Some in the week of flowers are like a decent part of the wedding. That is. That is like really tough. That happens though. Like your vendors are businesses, they’re people like things. Things happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: But there will be someone who can come pick up the pieces. Like you can always try to find a solution, even if it’s on a wedding vendor, like try to look outside the box or event people or just like people who are like learning, like amateur people who can kind of step into the role and make it better for you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It sucks when there’s like something like that that happens. I had people that happened to a friend of ours with a vendor, like they went bankrupt and like closed like a month before their wedding was supposed to happen, and it was like. Scramble. Like, let’s see what we can do.

Jen Glantz: It’s awful. My heart goes out because that’s like the last thing you wanna deal with the week before your wedding. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Totally. All right, well thank you so much for coming on. Before we sign off, do you have any like crazy, like what’s a hot take you have about weddings? I know you have, you have something that you’ve shared before.

Not to put you on the spot, if you have one. Um, what’s like a hot take that you.

Jen Glantz: You don’t need bridesmaids. I think in five to 10 years, bridesmaids will be extinct. Have your friends be there for you in the ways that they can and the ways that you want. But they don’t need the official title. They don’t need to walk down the aisle.

They don’t need the bridesmaid dresses. They don’t need any of that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: All right. I love that.

Christa Innis: Well, where can everyone thank you so much for coming on. Of course. Like it was so much fun hanging out with you and meeting you officially. I feel like we like already know each other. It’s so weird how sometimes like internet.

No. ’cause you like see people and you like watch their content, but where can people follow you of course and keep up and what’s like the next kind of thing you’re working on?

Jen Glantz: People can find me @bridesmaidforhire.com. I’m on TikTok at Instagram at Bridesmaid for Hire. I have a newsletter called 1-800-BRIDESMAID and my book is called Finally the Bride.

You can find it on Amazon. It’s a lot of crazy stories you haven’t heard before, and thank you for the support and thank you for having me on the show.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Yeah, definitely. I wanna check out your book as well because I. I feel like you have so many crazy stories and I feel like I would, I’ve seen so many of your, I think I’m on your, your email list too, where I’ve seen like some of the stories that people send in and, um, your advice for bridesmaids. So any brides should definitely go check it out. Well, thank you so much.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Relationship Red Flags, Family Dynamics, and a Shocking ICU Revelation with Kate Gray, LMFT

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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“You’re just the mother of his child.”

That one sentence cut deeper than any legal document could fix. When a tragic motorcycle accident left her partner in a coma, our storyteller learned the hard way what “not being married” really meant. What followed? A secret wedding, a livid mother-in-law, and a decades-long family rift and guest Kate Gray dissect this jaw-dropping submission with raw empathy, real questions, and a heavy dose of “WHAT just happened?” They unpack what happens when legal ties or the lack of them collide with family loyalty and personal boundaries.

Also in this episode: ruined wedding invites, Karen-level MIL energy, and the emotional weight of doing what’s best for your own future even if it means letting go of your past. If you’ve ever doubted whether the legal stuff really matters, this story will have you rethinking everything.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:11 Discussing Complicated Family Dynamics

01:51 Guest’s Professional Background

02:32 Marriage and Family Therapy Insights

08:00 Wedding Planning Stress and Family Dynamics

17:11 Rapid Fire: Red Flags or Normal Stress?

36:45 Navigating Family Boundaries

37:36 Story Submission: A Life-Changing Accident

40:42 The Aftermath and Family Dynamics

49:59 Reflections on Marriage and Family

54:58 Confessions and Regrets

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Life-Changing Crash – A traumatic brain injury left her partner in a coma… and her completely powerless.
Locked Out of the ICU – Despite living together and raising a child, she was denied access to his medical care by his own mother.
Secret Wedding Surprise – They threw a barbecue that turned into a surprise wedding… and the MIL didn’t know until the cake rolled out.
Family Fallout – What followed was over a decade of strained family dynamics, emotional boundaries, and financial detangling.
Power of Legal Ties – Kate and Christa explore how love, legality, and next-of-kin status affect real lives in unexpected emergencies.
Enmeshment & Control – What happens when parents can’t emotionally separate from their adult children?
Boundaries vs Protection – Should you tell your partner everything—even when it might hurt them?
MIL Chaos Strikes Again – Christa shares the viral story of a MIL destroying wedding invites out of spite.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“The wedding is kind of the test… the precursor to the marriage.” – Christa Innis
“You’re starting your own family—and you have to get in the habit of making decisions for that family.” – Christa Innis
“This is your moment. You can be a little selfish.” – Christa Innis
“You never think about what happens in a tragedy… until you’re in one.” – Christa Innis
“Do what you want. Everyone else will get over it.” – Christa Innis
“Marriage means someone else is making huge decisions about your health—this stuff matters.” – Kate Gray
“You can have boundaries as adults. You don’t have to be terrorized in your own home.” – Kate Gray
“It’s wild how many of these stories come down to family systems and emotional enmeshment.” – Kate Gray
“People are shocked to find out these things have names—and that they’re not alone.” – Kate Gray
“When it comes to relationships, there isn’t always one truth—but there is one choice: yours.” – Kate Gray

About Kate:

Kate Gray, better known online as Codependency Kate, is a couples therapist, married mom, and refreshingly real voice on all things relationships. With a deep understanding of family systems, emotional boundaries, and the unspoken chaos behind “normal” wedding and marriage dynamics, Kate offers the kind of education you wish someone had given you sooner. Her mission? To help you stop blaming yourself and start understanding the why behind your relationship struggles. Kate doesn’t just talk theory, she gets into the messy, emotional, behind-the-scenes stuff that can make or break partnerships, especially when family dynamics, trauma, or toxic in-laws get involved. Her content bridges the gap between formal therapy and real-life application, empowering listeners with language, tools, and clarity to protect what matters most.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Kate. Thank you for being here. Hi, nice to see you. I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Yes, I’m so excited. Like I was saying before we started recording, you came up on my feed strolling and you were talking about difficult relationships with mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. And you talk about so many complicated relationships in marriage and family.

And so that’s why I thought you are perfect to come on because we see a lot of these issues, I should say, I dunno if that’s the right term, but come up in these stories that we read. And so I thought from a professional standpoint and we can kind of, you know, chat about other stuff as well. But um, before I get too into my fangirling and being really excited about your work, can you just tell us a little bit more about yourself and what you do?

Kate Gray: Yes, so I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I also make content under the handle codependency, Kate. Um, I’m so passionate about education. Like you said, there’s, these are huge issues and people don’t really talk about them except venting to their friends. You know, people don’t really understand the background behind things.

Family Drama Starts with “I Do”

And when I was in school to be a therapist, I was learning all this stuff. I was like, oh my gosh, everyone needs to know this. Why am I. Learning this now, this is so important. And so that’s when I started posting on social media, was in grad school to purely educate. And it’s just kind of turned into a thing, especially around, um, estrangement specifically, um, just because there’s so many, there’s so much stuff happening between marriages and in-laws.

It’s so complicated and complex and no one knows what to do. And so I just try to zoom out and educate people on family systems theory and dynamics so that they can be more informed, take this information to their friends and family, to their own relationships. Obviously parallel to a, um, you know, going to a therapist themselves.

But, uh, yeah, so that’s what I just try to do with the platform that I have.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I think that’s so good because like I was saying, in so many of these stories, it’s like. Something might happen completely outta left field. Like the husband could have a great relationship with his mom, great relationship with his fiance, and the second, you know, they get engaged or get married, there’s a flip.

Yes. Um, and so I think a lot of times people don’t know to prepare for that or like how to prepare for that. So is this something that you see a lot in your work where there it’s just kind of like, um, or you’ve studied a lot in your work where it’s like there’s a, there’s a switch because it’s a dyna, like a power shift and it’s like, oh, he has a new family.

Like where does that come from? Sometimes,

Kate Gray: yeah, it’s tough. It’s, you know, every situation is different, but it’s also not, you know, there’s definitely themes at play. Um, you know. What I have seen in my work with clients. So, ’cause it’s different, my work with clients and then a lot of stories I hear online, you know, there’s very different audiences here, but I’ve definitely seen this a lot.

I think what happens is, yes, there is a different, a totally different dynamic at play. I think what happens is an outsider coming in, it kind of reveals existing dysfunction or existing, um, power imbalances. Just very complex, complex, nuanced things that have existed for a long time. It’s all people in this dynamic know, like say the, a new husband and his mom, they’ve been in this dynamic, you know, his whole life.

He, it’s all he’s known, but then his wife comes into the picture and it kind of challenges that relationship and it shouldn’t, in healthy families, it doesn’t. It’s a, you know, a new daughter-in-law, for example, is a welcome addition. There’s the things are already set up to be successful, but in it’s, again, in these dysfunctional dynamics when things go awry, when a new person’s introduced.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I find, and not to like, I don’t know, if not oversimplify as a thing, but not, or not to group some, I should say. Right. I find a lot of times in the stories, I feel like the husband or the partner, the male partner I should say, in heterosexual relationships. Yeah. Seems to be very, um, I don’t wanna say docile, but he seems to be like passive.

Yeah. Like more passive. Like, we don’t hear a lot of him in the story. It’s more of like, he’s go with the flow. And so like, I think it’s. He grows up, he’s good with the flow, he pleases, you know, he is good to his parents. And then if there’s someone in comes in and she’s maybe a little more strong headed or she’s not afraid to like stand up for herself, I find that’s when there’s usually like a.

Some that’s, there’s buffer contention. Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Gray: Uhhuh, are you saying, um, between her and his family or, yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Or like, yeah, if like, the mom’s kinda used to, you know, the son being very like, go with the flow and, um, I just find a kind common theme, like when I have people on here and we react to these stories, they’re like, where’s the partner?

Where’s the fiance? You know, you hear like, this bride rides in and she’s like, this happened, or like, the mother-in-law cornered me or she yelled at me and they’re like, where’s the fiance?

Kate Gray: And it’s kind of no position. And that is the question that is the question I asked too. Because he’s not necessarily in the middle, but he is the link between her and his family.

She, you know, I did a video where I drew this kind of in a, not a di, like a, it’s called a genogram, where you just kind of draw it and she, there’s the parents up top, the son below them, and then she’s to the side of him. You know, like she’s not another child of his parents and they’re not totally separate and she, you know, so roles are very important.

The concept of roles. And that is the question is what is the fiance doing here? What is this dynamic? There’s a lot of reasons, you know, if you go a little deeper, there’s a lot of reasons why he’s that way, and that’s kind of the dynamic shift that has to happen. He has to step into a, a different role and that I, I guess, you know, a lot of men I think don’t talk about that.

General. Mm-hmm. So they just kind of are overwhelmed by these, these women, these strong-willed women. And, um, women can get a really bad rap when the real core issue is a more passive fiance in that role.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely makes sense. So one of the biggest things we were talking about in wedding stories is like the overbearing mother-in-law, or, you know, and, and it’s funny ’cause a number of times I’ll say like, it’s a mother-in-law, people immediately are like, well the bride’s mom is, you know, can be this way too.

And I’m like, well, mother-in-law could be either the groom or the bride’s mom. It’s just Oh yeah. Whoever’s perspective uhhuh. But so many times people hear mother-in-law and they just assume, oh, it’s the groom’s mom. Um, but I always like to like reiterate that. Yeah. So why do you think things like a planning a wedding, I’m sure it’s like high stress levels, but

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Bring out this controlling or kind of boundary pushing behavior on, on the mother’s part or parents’ part.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well I think what I have seen recently is there is there are very big generational differences in the concepts of weddings. Um, I think in the past, mothers in-law and, you know, grandmothers have planned the whole thing or, or they’ve waited their whole lives to do this for their child.

And the daughter, for example, hasn’t been very involved. Everything’s just been picked for her and it’s just done for her. Mm-hmm. Whereas now I think brides wanna be the bride. They wanna make those decisions and for her parents to, um, not just be more in the passenger seat or the backseat and her not be in the passenger seat or backseat.

So I think that’s one part of it. Um. And I think another part of it is that people have this idea of wedding planning being an amazing thing, and it’s so much fun and it brings everyone together. It brings out the best in everyone, and that it’s just not, it’s just not the case. It’s not the case. It’s kind of one of the first big family events that happens after, you know, high school graduation, college, you know, graduation or big family events.

So it can just bring out everybody’s stress responses. And people I don’t think are prepared for that. There’s a lot of management. There’s also. It’s a new stage for the fiances to come together on. That should be the point is to, this is kind of their first endeavor together where they’re managing all these things because the, the development stage that they are in as a couple from the family life cycle point of view is leaving and cleaving from their families of origin to come together.

So it’s this like detachment phase and I think that’s just really scary and unknown. There’s, there’s loss in it for parents. Mm-hmm. And so it’s just a whole thing that people don’t, aren’t

Christa Innis: prepared

Kate Gray: for.

Christa Innis: Right. And it’s so complicated. I’m sure you see it in your work all the time. ’cause it’s like definitely there’s nothing that’s black and white because Right.

I have heard stories where. Like the mother-in-law has cried over an engagement, but yes, maybe the partner really, really was terrible to their son or daughter. And so it’s just that that’s their reaction. So I wanna make people know too, like, it’s not, it’s not always the parent that they, they can see things too.

Like, okay, yeah, this person’s terrible to my son or daughter. And they’re scared.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And they’re

Christa Innis: scared. Yeah, absolutely. So, um, it’s definitely nuance. There’s so many different, um mm-hmm. Different aspects of that, but for couples that are maybe going through a difficult relationship with, you know, in-laws as they kind of move forward in the next stage, what, how did you recommend they set clear boundaries?

Um, you know, whether it’s before the wedding or kind of moving into their new life together so that there’s not like a total like blow up.

Kate Gray: It’s really tough, I think. The stuff is so hard for people to do on their own. They, I would really, I mean, I think therapists could have a whole like sector and there might even be one of like engagement counseling or like wedding planning counseling because it’s so stressful.

There’s so much to manage and it’s really easy for people’s stress responses and kind of lack of emotion regulation and, and all that stuff to come out. Mm-hmm. And there’s so much pressure and expectations and personalities to manage that. I think first of all, meeting, like having a therapist, having a third party that is separate from the family.

Like not necessarily a wedding planner ’cause they’re not qualified to be doing this stuff. But like, um, just I think being on the same page is the most important thing in this process, I think. ’cause from my experience too, people that have been married 10 years have trauma from their engagement and from their weddings with their in-laws, with their families.

Just with one partner. Not stepping up. Not stepping in, or one person doing too much. There’s, you know, it can be, it can magnify existing dynamic issues. And so getting married and, and having a wedding is not just about the wedding, it’s about starting a healthy dynamic. And, and kind of fixing things.

Maybe that, or just getting ahead of things that you don’t foresee, or just having someone guide you, I think is, takes a lot of pressure off figuring all of that out yourself, so, right.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I think a lot of couples see it as like, oh, it’s this big party, it’s gonna be easy. They don’t think about finances like putting together this big party where it’s like, yes, it’s not unlimited money, first of all.

Yeah. It’s like your first time maybe like putting money together for something big or uhhuh having people that are very opinionated from different sides coming together and, and that can be a stressor and mm-hmm. Yeah. Hearing a lot of these stories, I’m like, I feel so grateful that our families just got along well and like, I get along with my mother-in-law.

Great. And so it’s just, it’s, it’s difficult when, um. These relationships kind of come together and it’s like, okay, how do we make, you can’t make everybody happy, but how do we do the best at keeping, keeping as much peace as we can.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, yeah. And from, and from your, your perspective too, it’s like how much is keeping the peace too much like right.

Like when is it like, when are you bending over backwards

Kate Gray: too much? Exactly. Like when is it no longer about you? Mm-hmm. And I think that is what can be really sad in these situations is like. You know, if a bride, for example, is used to keeping the peace, but then for her wedding, she actually has all these ideas that she’s wanted and she’s used to caving.

And unfortunately, this is the one situation where like she’s shaking things up and it causes problems. You know, all her worst fears can come true in these situations. Um, so I am of the advocate of a wedding planner, a therapist, a you know, your bridesmaids, your groomsmen, everyone like supporting you, um, enlisting all the emotional support you can.

’cause it is just a, it’s really tough. It can, I won’t say like make or break something, but I think it’s just important to start off, you know, on a good foot with your in-laws and with your own family. ’cause it, you know. It can just set the tone for things. Yeah. Or it can be something to come back from.

And that’s just, that just sucks. That sucks. Oh, for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If you have a bad wedding experience, it can carry with you forever. Mm-hmm. I mean, some of these stories that, that were sent to me happened 20, 30, some 40, 50 years ago.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: On things. They’ll send me messages and be like, this happened. It was like, I don’t know, whatever.

It was like a cake was changed last minute and it was something that they couldn’t eat or, you know, whatever it was. Or flowers were changed or she was told she looked fat in her dress. You know, like there’s been so many crazy things that were sent to me and they’re like, I still remember it and I remember how I felt and, um.

Someone like, you know, if someone put them down. And so I feel like if you start on the, having that middle ground, like what you’re talking about, um, and it’s funny that you bring up wedding planner ’cause I had a wedding planner on once and she’s like, I feel like half the time I’m a therapist.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Literally. She, she should go to school. No, actually that is, she’s a buffer. I mean, they are a buffer between, you know, and I, I think they’re really valuable ’cause they have to advocate, you know, their, their job is what the bride and groom want. And so I think they can be really healthy. A really healthy addition to the planning crew.

Um, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh.

Red Flag or Just Wedding Stress?

Christa Innis: Okay. So I thought we would kind of switch things up a little bit. Yeah. Put together some rapid fire if you’re okay with this. Yeah. And it’s either a red, the options are red flag or normal stress. And if you wanna add a little bit to it, feel free. Okay. Um. Because I know, I don’t, I don’t wanna like put you in a corner or make you say something that you don’t wanna say either.

So, um, they’re just different like scenarios. And then just say if it’s a red flag or normal stress around what, okay. Okay. Okay. One partner says, let’s just do what my mom wants. It’s easier that way. Red flag. Red flag. Uh, the couple hasn’t had a single conversation about how they’ll split finances after the wedding.

Kate Gray: Ooh. Major red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s tough. Yeah. I feel like that comes up a lot with stories too, where it’s like, this is the first big event and then sometimes they just, like, they expect their parents to pay for everything and then they go to the next stage and it’s like, but then I didn’t realize like.

This happened, or we can’t afford this, or they’ve never discussed it before.

Kate Gray: No, it’s tough because you’re, you’re expected, you’re, you have these huge decisions that like only 10 year married couples are like, have the foundation to make, and you’re making them immediately upon this huge commitment. So yeah.

That’s just tough. And so those conversations in general are so important. Yeah. Yes.

Christa Innis: Uh, okay. The bride’s mom says this wedding is as much mine as it is yours.

Kate Gray: Oh. I mean, I think that’s normal. I think that’s like, that comes up so much probably. Um, but yeah. Or for the bride, that’s, that’s sad. That’s a

Christa Innis: red flag.

Yeah. Um, one partner wants kids some someday the other doesn’t, but they say they’ll figure it out later.

Kate Gray: That’s a major red flag. That’s not, yeah.

Christa Innis: I see that happen so many times. Really, I’ve seen it. I, not a ton in stories, but I’ve just seen it like, um, stories like people posted like that, like either eventually one like changes their mind and then they, one wants kids when they both didn’t want kids before.

And I’m sure that just like sometimes happens, but I feel like that’s, like, that was like one of the biggest things my husband and I talked about before, getting married to make sure, yeah, of course,

Kate Gray: age. Well that’s a compatibility issue. Like that’s a fixed thing that, um, isn’t, you know, that’s not a dynamic issue, that’s a fixed thing and it can be just a symptom of something deeper.

But how, you know, the question is like, how do you resolve things that y’all are fixed on that are opposite? You know, like even religion, faith can be part of that too. Like that you’re fixed on these things.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Kate Gray: you just think you’re gonna deal with it or it’s gonna get better. And that’s just, that’s, that’s definitely something to handle on the front end.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Um, the groom refuses to go to premarital counseling, counseling and says it’s a waste of time.

Kate Gray: Um, that’s tough. I mean, I, me, I’m like, red flag, red flag, red flag. But I, I think that’s probably very normal. I don’t know. Yeah. I think not going, not being open to counseling is a very much a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I mean, I feel like if they’re having, and you might know this better from your, your profession than Yeah. Me just, no, it’s okay. But if they’re having the kind of issues where counseling would come up before and then they, he brings it, she brings it up and he’s like, no, to jump in knowing they might need some kind of.

Kate Gray: Yeah,

Christa Innis: exactly.

Kate Gray: I mean, it’s like if y’all can talk about anything and you resolve problems, then like saying no to counseling is like, okay. I mean, ’cause we don’t need it to solve problems, but if it’s just like, no, because I don’t wanna talk about anything and I don’t want outside guidance, that’s, that’s the red flag of it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The couple always avoids hard conversations by joking or changing the subject.

Kate Gray: Um, see, these are tough because that seems so, I’ve just, that’s so normal. I think for early on in relationships, people don’t really know how to deal with stuff. So I think that’s normal. I think that that is definitely gonna come out in their marriage, that’s gonna be magnified by it.

But um, yeah, that’s not an, an unfixable issue that I would say that’s very normal, but it’s definitely not good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like you can. Only joke so long before, like, something’s gonna be hard, like curious. And you have, well,

Kate Gray: there, there’s something called, um, I mean, just to be all nerdy real quick, there’s something called pseudo hostility, like fake hostility.

It’s like, that’s what you’re talking about, like the joking.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And it is an indicator of like suppressed emotion and an inability to really resolve conflict and be vulnerable. Okay. So it’s like a really unhealthy dynamic and or like, um, behavior in general and it’s found in families. That’s where the term came from.

But, so it can be, it’s joking about real problems as an indicator of that, but again, it’s, it’s something that’s very fixable with a therapist or with just, you know, this podcast.

Christa Innis: So yeah, just chatting about it. Yeah, because I feel like I’ve known people before that are just very, like, that’s like their personality is like the comic relief.

So it’s like even when things are like serious, they like wanna throw a little like. Comic in there.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And that’s how comedians are born. Yeah. I

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a lot of, like, when you hear like deeper stories about comedians, it’s like a lot of times they just have to laugh to get through things,

Kate Gray: literally.

Yeah. And that’s, I mean, it’s not an unhealthy thing when you can do that. But if you only can do that and you can’t be vulnerable and you can’t talk about your feelings and you can’t receive criticism, for example, then that’s when it becomes an issue. And that’s when that term applies. It’s not just about joking and being funny, um, or even lightening the mood sometimes.

But if you can only do that when it’s tense, you know, you think about. People that like bust out laughing at like funerals and stuff. Like, it’s like there’s response. Yeah. It’s like, um, is that how, you know? It’s just those things just invite curiosity. It’s not to like pathologize people or to say, you know, if you do this, there’s something wrong with you.

It’s just an indicator of like, something to be curious about if you’re having issues in relationships or, or if, if this is a, a pattern for you.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I’m, I’m learning so much. Oh, okay. Um, a partner deletes texts from a parent they know that the other wouldn’t approve of, oh

Kate Gray: man, this is, these are so hard.

’cause they seem very normal. ’cause it sounds the person would be trying to protect their partner. I think people do this with good intention, but at the same time, I think that’s not a good habit to get into. In a marriage. So that’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. ’cause for someone like that, like if someone’s deleting texts, that means in some way they’re, and you can’t control the other, what the parent does, but in some way they’re allowing them to talk negatively about their partner.

Right. Right. Or they’re not setting us clear boundary of like, Hey, if you talked that way, we’re, we’re done. Yeah. Or we’re gonna limit.

Kate Gray: Yeah. No, a hundred percent. That’s right. But I also, on the other side of the spectrum, I have, in my experience with people, there’s been way too much transparency and this, their partner is like scarred for life by what the parents said.

Yeah. So there is like. Transparency isn’t necessarily, you know, there it, there’s nuance here. It just depends on what they’re saying, you know, like mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, I think the general, like the habit of deleting texts is sketchy and is definitely a red flag. Mm-hmm. In a relationship in general.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

That’s interesting. Yeah. You say that because Yeah, I know. I’m thinking about that now because, um, there was a story that a girl sent me, and this was not about a mean text necessarily, and actually podcast and she talked about it, but Oh, mother-in-law, um, yeah, she was anonymous. She turned the camera off.

Uh, so we reacted to her story and then she was like, maybe we’ll have a part two because I’m going dress shopping with her. And so I had her come on and kind of share what happened, but basically she was demanding to know the location of their wedding venue, and this was like. Far from where they lived.

They haven’t actually seen it personally yet. She’s like, well, I just wanna drive by and go see it. And they’re like, it’s a private property, you can’t. And she’s like, we sent you the location so you can kinda see pictures. And she goes, well, I delete texts. And she like went to this whole thing about how like, I delete texts, just tell me the address so I can show up and go.

And she kept pushing, pushing. It was like a long, crazy story, but she ended up like cornering her in the kitchen and was like, yeah, it was like this crazy thing. It’s still ongoing, like they haven’t gotten married yet, but, um,

Kate Gray: oh my goodness.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so the delete texted made me think of that conversation because um, she just said like.

She would, the mother would delete texts in her phones and then claim not to have it anymore. Claim to not know that because the text was gone.

Kate Gray: That’s weird. Never heard of anything like that.

Christa Innis: I know. I was like, does she, does she work for the

Kate Gray: FBI? Why? Yeah. Seriously. Is she a CIA agent?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So that was, wow.

Kate Gray: Interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But that was one where, on her episode where she came on, she talked about they, she went through a lot of therapy herself. So like they did a good job of like keeping up with boundaries. Yeah. And it was where her husband just had a hard time of like standing up to his mom because I bet.

And so used to like running the household and now this new strong female voice comes in and she’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’ve never been told no before, so, yeah.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Right. Which is, that’s a red flag. I’ll say that. Like, moms not being used to their adult children telling them no about things. That’s a red flag for Yeah.

Like when you’re, if you’re a fiance, you’re looking at your partner and their parent, and that’s the dynamic you see. It’s like that’s, those are, those are scary waters to enter into. Like you, that’s a scary situation. And I think their partners feel that, you know, they like get that sense. And I think that that brings out their own stress responses too.

Mm-hmm. Um, because there’s a powerlessness that children feel even when they’re adults with parents. Parents. And so that can just make them really scared and they, however they normally respond when they’re scared. So maybe they over control or they. You know, overcompensate in some ways. So it can just be tough.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. Okay. Um, this one says, the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding and won’t explain why

Kate Gray: the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding. Oh. And she won’t explain why. Yeah. That’s part of it. That’s the part of it. That’s the red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. They won’t explain why.

’cause I feel like you don’t need to have your sibling or your partner’s siblings in the wedding. I feel like that’s a totally, there should be no pressure to have anybody in the wedding, but

Kate Gray: yeah.

Christa Innis: Why won’t you explain why?

Kate Gray: Yeah, why don’t you explain why, or like, why can’t they just be, I love the idea if that’s the case.

Like if, say you’re the bride and you don’t want your groom’s sister being a bridesmaid, but can she be a groomsman? I don’t know. Do you have this, the ultimate set? You know, can’t, is there some gray area here? Right. Like if

Christa Innis: he, I know. That’s what I think is interesting too, is like, I, I mean, I had my.

Husband’s sister and sister-in-law on his side. Um, sister-in-law on his side. I dunno if I said that right. But I mean, it’s our sister-in-law, but in the wedding, ’cause I’m like close with them. Yeah. But like, we have my brother ’cause like they’re not super close or anything. Okay. But I’ve seen it always and that, that’s like a weird thing.

But like, I, I don’t know. It’s interesting.

Kate Gray: Well, I think this can be an issue. So say the groom’s sister is rude to the bride or like they don’t get along or, or whatever. And so the bride’s just like, yeah. I mean, you’re not gonna be in our wedding party. Mm-hmm. Um. But I think that could also be like an, is a situation where fiance, they can come together where it’s like, Hey, I’m uncomfortable with her in my, on my side of things, you know, going on my bachelorette or like, and standing up there, that feels inauthentic to me.

But if you, you know, she’s your sister, you kind of get the say in what you want her to be in our wedding and we can talk about it. And so do you want her to stand up with you in a black dress? You know, like is there something, if your parents are gonna be really upset and embarrassed by that, like is there something we can do to get everyone a win-win scenario?

Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because what’s weird to me too is that she would have to explain to the groom almost like in my. My thought is if the bride and sister didn’t get along, the groom would already know that or know that there was some kind of weird tension. So like, let’s figure it out together. But if like, let’s say she secretly like hated the sister and was like, yeah, jealous of something, you know, whatever.

Then like that’s already, that’s a red flag because it’s like you’re not openly communicating with your groom. Like, oh, the sister did this to me. That’s

Kate Gray: the issue is like the not openly communicating.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. This one’s, there’s two more. One person does all the wedding planning because the other partner says they don’t care.

Kate Gray: Is that the most normal thing I’ve ever heard about this? Probably. I mean, but it’s a red flag. Like. I don’t know, what do they not care about? Is that part of the dynamic? Do they not care in general? Are they like, I never care about what we eat, and so the other person’s always responsible for figuring out what they eat.

Like is this the dynamic or is this just like, oh, I don’t like, you know, oh I don’t know, some, like, I don’t wanna do girly stuff, or some stupid stuff like that. What’s the deal about it?

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like there’s a big difference between like, oh honey, you’re so good at this stuff, so I don’t care.

Like, do you like the pink or the green butter? You know, or it’s like, I don’t care.

Kate Gray: You know? Like the, yeah,

Christa Innis: how are they communicating it because exactly how

Kate Gray: are they communicating it? And you know, I think that that’s not. Yeah. I think again, it’s a, all these things seem like places, things to explore. Like is this just this situation or is this in general?

Or does this bother me? Does it bother me that they don’t care? Or am I happy they don’t care because I wanted to do it on my own anyway. You know, like Right. What I, how do you actually feel about it?

Christa Innis: Right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point. It’s so, these are so nuanced. Yeah. Because I’ve seen relationships before where the bride is like such a big planner and so she was like, I got this.

We’re good. Yeah. And he kind of just was there if she needed him, but that’s it. He was like, I don’t care. Pick, I will walk in for a wedding. You want, but then I’ve seen others where like the bride was stressed beyond belief and he went a finger and you’re like, that’s where I’m like, it’s your wedding too.

Right. Um, but I think a lot of times there’s those couples where they just assume like, oh, it’s the woman’s job to do all of it. Yes. Um. But

Kate Gray: I don’t know. And that’s again, like not a a bad, these things aren’t like inherently bad, but it’s like, how do you feel about them? Do you want them more involved? Is are there things you can do together?

Are there things that they really do care about or do they just not know? I think a lot of the time people don’t know what they don’t know. Yeah. And so you think you’re not gonna care about something, but you really end up caring about the food, or you really end up caring, like caring about the transportation from the venue to the reception.

You know, like, yeah. Is, is there an open mind there? For things to be, you know, to evolve as you learn more. Because I mean, when I planned my wedding, I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know what I, you know, how do you, how are you supposed to know when you’ve never done it before?

Christa Innis: Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So

Christa Innis: it’s a lot.

And I think people don’t realize, like, especially their first time going through everything and seeing like what they have to do, they’re just like, what?

Kate Gray: Yeah, there’s so many decisions.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so all the comparison with social media and all stuff, it’s like you have to really shut out the noise of like, okay, do I want, uh, a golden arch because they have it on Pinterest, or do I want one because it would look cool for us, like, you know.

Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah, for sure.

Christa Innis: Okay, last one. A parent constantly criticizes their part child’s partner, but the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Major red flag. First of all, why is a parent criticizing? I think that’s, so, I, I think things can be so backwards. Like parents should be there to be so supportive ’cause they know they’ve been through it and they know how stressful it is.

Mm-hmm. So it’s just crazy to me in general when parents are adding, they add stress even though they know they’ve been through it themselves. Um, so I think that’s the red flag is like parents criticizing in general. That’s definitely something to have a boundary around. Um, what was the rest of the question?

And the, uh, the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict. Yeah. And that’s another thing. Do they always do that? Do they do that with you? Do they do that at work? Do they do that with their friends? Are they always avoiding conflict? Because the thing about that is that it comes out sideways. It it does eventually, you know, people aren’t just like doormats, you’re human beings and emotions, you know, it’s gonna come out.

So, but it, but, or is this a situational thing where it’s just like, you know, let’s just get through this wedding. Like, I don’t even care. Let’s just get through this wedding. Right. That’s one thing. So, and it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s, you know, things are not irreparable. If you just, if the wedding is just, if you decide it’s not the time to deal with all these dynamics, then just make it easy for yourself.

You know? Like if you need to avoid it, do it, whatever. But as long as like you, um, yeah, I think just doing what you need to do at the time

Christa Innis: Yeah. Is

Kate Gray: how you leave these situations. Like not traumatized.

Christa Innis: Right. When they’re

Kate Gray: tough.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know how I would react to something like that, but yeah, if it’s something like you live across the country and you’re only gonna see ’em for this one day and you talk to them, okay, whatever, just like, we’re like, whatever.

But if you see them a lot and they’re constantly putting your partner down, like, let’s, boundaries.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Boundaries. Because that’s, you know, if a parent’s criticizing their partner, that can really make the kid feel undermined. Like, Hey, you don’t trust my decisions. Like, I, I wanna hear your feedback, but I’m, all I’m hearing about them is this, and that’s making me not trust your opinion because they’re both good and bad.

Like, they definitely have stuff, but it, it’s, it feels reflective of me and what you think about me and my decision. So yeah, that can be something important to communicate. But again, if this isn’t the time, then don’t like just deal with it later.

You’re Just the Mother of His Child

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now let’s get to everyone’s favorite part of these episodes, and that’s this week’s story submission.

So here we go. Okay. It’s Blind React. I’ve not read it, so, okay. What we got. Okay. You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and hit a full. Hit at full speed while making a, and was, I’m sorry, and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in co a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. Oh, she explicitly told them not to speak to me. How do you, that stuff, this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. Like, yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, like. That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Like in Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Uh, she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re just the mother of his child.”

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. Um, that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Mm. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

Mm. So the, the grandma was even keeping the, the son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown, grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it kind of relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. Mm-hmm. But this is like the opposite way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? Like, ’cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, he’s my next. I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, I. If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a family, you know, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This like, I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And may, I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, you know? Mm-hmm. How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. But yeah, so that’s what I have just context.

I want context to that. But you wanna really, you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, you know, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Um, yeah. And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

The partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: You know, they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. Of course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and you know, then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say like, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, um, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

Um mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. Okay. Let’s, okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: Wait, I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s like, I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think like retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s like, you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much like he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: Well, or I mean, or, or she just learned from that. Like, this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. Because I, um, man, that is, that is, you can’t make that this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about like being aware of like, okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

Kate Gray: Right.

Christa Innis: This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ’cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

I mean, they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: Right. But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. Like, we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. Wow. Uh, she had no, oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. That’s a wait. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And like how long was, if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. Well, because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that. Yes. Well, wait, so backing up, when he got in that tragic accident, that was like, what?

Probably five years into their relationship? Is that like a general timeline? Probably. So

Christa Innis: they met mid nineties in the summer of 2000. Yeah. Yeah. So probably like five or so years. Okay. They had a toddler together, living together. Mm. Yeah, where was the mom and all this? Like did she live with

Kate Gray: Yeah, did she live with them?

Yeah. I, so my, so from a family systems point of view, remember that’s my context. ’cause like, I wanna be per, I wanna respond personally to this, but like, ’cause this is crazy, but not in a clinical way. You’re not crazy in a clinical way. Yes. But it’s still just like, what is this guy, you know, you said this at the beginning, like when people are like, oh, where’s the fiance?

People submit stories and they’re like, wait, where? Where’s the fiance? Where’s the husband? Where’s the partner?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And

Kate Gray: that’s what I’m wondering is like, what has he just been passive in this situation and mm-hmm. I don’t know. I think it’s so easy to be, you know, with these mother-in-laws that do these things, to be really scared of them.

And I mean. And let them dominate. You know, I think there gets to a point where it’s like you, you can have boundaries as adults. Like you can, you know, you don’t have to have her in your, your house. If she’s terrorizing you and you’re scared of her and you’re laughing at her behind her back, you know, like, so I don’t know, but.

That sounds,

Christa Innis: that’s what I’m confused about. Crazy. Like he had a good relationship with his mom, so he was like, oh, she’s fine, she’s harmless. But then maybe, right. It wasn’t until he was in the ICU that she became really terrible and was like, like actually a threat to their relationship.

Kate Gray: Yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Because you know, you hear like funerals and weddings and, you know, all those big life events bring out the worst in people. Right? Right. And so like, I mean, there’s so many cr I mean, I’m sure there could be a podcast about funeral things that happen with families, like being torn apart and money is, you know, there, there, you always hear about stuff like that.

And so that’s what makes me think of like, maybe the mom was playing nice and then she was like in tragedy brought up. Right. I don’t know.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well, oh man, that’s so hard. That is so hard. I mean real life. And that’s why marriage relationships are so important to get right. Because life is crazy and there are huge things that happen like that, that alter things and alter relationships.

And so having a balance and having communication and resolving conflicts so that it all doesn’t come out in this one crisis, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Is

Kate Gray: so important because crises happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But yeah, and it’s um, I love that she shared this story ’cause it’s such a unique perspective and I feel like open people’s eyes up too because it’s kind of like a different perspective of the stories we usually get.

’cause you know, it’s usually like the wedding drama and the planning and stuff. So this was a very like, alternative kind of story. And I think it’s really interesting ’cause you never think like. In like a, in a tragic moment, like, what’s gonna happen? Or, you know, right. How would we handle that? Married or not?

How would we handle that situation? ’cause that’s gonna put, that can put stress on family. How is family gonna come in at that point? Um,

Do It Your Way

Kate Gray: well, yeah, and I think it depends. When I got married, I remember like a month after we got married and we’re home from and everything and it’s like really hitting you this commitment and this legal change.

And I was changing my name and I remember being like, I’m changing my social security card. Like, if I am in an accent, you, you are gonna be like, you know, who’s young at my age who doesn’t have experience with hospitals, you know, my mom’s a, a nurse and, um. I just remember like that, the gravity of that hitting me, you know, you just grow up like it, it’s just so much transition internally and in life.

And you’re like, oh my gosh. Like if I am in a car accident, you are gonna be making these decisions. Like this is crazy. Yeah. So I think there, you know, um, I, but I agree like with like what you’re saying just about how the, the legal thing like this, it matters. This marriage is, is this person is making these huge decisions and when health is on the line, I think that’s a time where like hard lines need, hard boundaries need to be there, like mm-hmm.

Or else there’s this situation right where the mom and the partner, like the wife or the, the partner Yeah. Are not, there’s no clear lines there. ’cause legally did the mom have the right, or I don’t even know what the laws are.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know. And I don’t know what state there, ’cause I’m sure it differs state to state too.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But it sounds like she probably had the legality because she was the mom, but I don’t know. ’cause it’s like if he’s over 18, doesn’t that kind of go away? I don’t know how that works. Yeah. Um, but I actually heard a crazy story. I don’t even know how long ago it was now. Um, and I’ll change up the story slightly to protect who they are, but, um, this couple was married for a long time.

They were going through a divorce and while they were going through a divorce, the man had a traumatic, like, I think I wanna say brain cancer, brain tumor. Mm-hmm. And it turns out that certain tumors can make you act different ways or like do different things. Mm. While that was happening, he had an affair with her sister.

It was, I know. It was crazy. And so while he was in the hospital, the sister and I, again, I don’t know the legalities or how this worked. Yeah. Uhhuh, um, I. This was like through a grapevine,

Kate Gray: Uhhuh,

Christa Innis: um, through, through the sister. The sister was not allowing the ex-wife to Oh, father of children. Father of the children, what?

25 years? Yeah.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: And I was just like, this was a long grapevine, but it was just like, what? Like how, like I, again, I don’t know, like the legalities of that because they were divorced, but he wasn’t with this new person legally. But I don’t know if she was just there when the injury happened or they like, did the surgery or what.

Oh my gosh. But the, like, those kind of things are just like, you don’t, you don’t think about that when you’re like, you know, I don’t know. Getting married or like all that stuff.

Kate Gray: No, no, you don’t. You definitely don’t. I’m watching, it’s funny we’re talking about this too. ’cause I’m rewatching, um, Grey’s Anatomy, so I’m like seeing all this stuff in episodes and um, but yeah, it really does make you think of the legalities.

’cause I think that is what they determine what they make those decisions based on. Right. Like the doctors have to know Yeah. Who’s next of kin and who’s formally next of kin.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Because I know there’s been really sad stories where, um, a gay couple or something have been partners for a long time, but they, because they weren’t legally married, they refused to let a longtime partner of someone in the hospital room So crazy.

And I hope that’s changed in most cases, but I’m sure there’s gotta be some kind of like paperwork or something, I don’t know. Mm-hmm. How that works. Mm-hmm. But maybe next I need to have some like.

Kate Gray: Lawyer on it should have someone on here. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about that. Is there a lawyer listening?

Um, okay. I know we’re about at the end of our time, so I always like to end this with confessions, weekly confessions that people send me. So here’s a couple that people sent in. It says, biggest regret was having a wedding instead of eloping like I wanted to. Mm. And I was told I would regret it later.

Kate Gray: That is so sad.

I hate when people, or it’s just sad when people project their own experiences and you don’t realize it’s them projecting and not everyone’s truth and not like a universal truth, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Oh, that’s tough. See, that’s why like, you have to make these times, you have to do what you wanna do, I think.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: Because they’re so big.

Christa Innis: Totally. And I feel like when you tend to listen to everyone around you, but yourself, you’re gonna end up regretting it a hundred percent. Whether it want a big wedding and you went small or you went small and you want, you know, or I just said the same thing twice. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Um, or you, you don’t elope, but you really wanted to elope because you’re ultimately trying to please everyone else and you’re looking back. Exactly. Feel like, what was that for?

Kate Gray: Yeah. And it’s like if you do what you wanna do and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted to, you can learn. It’s not a, it’s not, I don’t think is as bad as if you listen to someone else over yourself.

’cause I think when you get married, like when you go into that stage of life. And you start your own family, whether you have kids or not. Like you’re starting your own family, that you have to get in the habit of making decisions for your family and for yourself and putting yourself first in that way.

That’s what’s best for your family. Mm-hmm. Is choosing yourself every day over everybody else. You know, obviously considering other people, but no one knows your family, no one knows you better than you know you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Even if you haven’t been some through something that other people have been through.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. You know, the way you just said it, I’m like, you know, the wedding is kind of like the test, like, kinda like the precursor into the marriage. ’cause everyone’s so focused on the wedding. Right. But it’s really the marriage, like that counts and I, I don’t know. Yeah. I can kind of say that to like, you know, your clients before, but I just feel like so many people focus on this like, you know, big day, right?

Yeah. The flashing lights and all that, but. It really is kinda like the precursor of like, how are we gonna handle stress? How are we gonna budget for this big event? Yes. How are all these strong personalities gonna come together and how will we deal with it? Because in our, you know, marriage, there’s gonna be trials and tribulations, there’s gonna be hard times, there’s gonna be great times.

Um, and so I feel like that’s kinda like a precursor of like, are we gonna listen to everyone else before us? Yes. Like, how are we gonna Well,

Kate Gray: yeah, and like I said, like I really do, when I’m thinking about it like this, I’m like, there. People don’t, I don’t know you. It’s crazy that this amount of pressure and this complex of a thing happens at the very beginning of a relationship because in life you’re never dealing with this type of thing again.

You know, unless you have children and there’s like, you live on a compound with your family. Like there, you know, there’s not this level of pressure, of personalities of, of involvement in your life and in your life decisions as there is when you’re married. So I wanna like, I feel like that would’ve been so helpful for me to understand of just like, this is kind of a one time thing.

You know, this. And like maybe if you, if you can get pregnant, if you wanna get pregnant, whatever the birth of your first child, like, I feel like those are kinda the two main first things. And then after that, people leave you alone in a way. And so just to know like if you’re feeling a lot of pressure, you can like chill because there’s nothing like this, I think other than funerals, you know?

Yes. Other, other things like that. But even, even then, you’re not the center of it a lot of times. So

Christa Innis: yeah. This is your, your time for it to be about you. You can be a little selfish. Um, yeah. And yeah. Kind of block out the extra it,

Kate Gray: It will be over, you know? Yes. But I agree with what you’re saying. Like it totally is a precursor for things and magnifies your dynamic.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. A lot of, lot of personalities and thoughts and opinions coming in on this, on this one day. That’s Yeah. That can, uh, can make or break sometimes.

Kate Gray: Yeah. But do what you want.

Christa Innis: Yes. Do what you want.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, this says, um, mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and warned me wait and said it was a warning from her wor from her words.

I don’t know how that. Mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and a warning from her words. Yeah. So she said it as like a warning. What? So basically saying, if you don’t do what I say, I can ruin your wedding. Oh gosh. That is so mean. Did you see there was this thing that went viral.

Someone just tagged me in on TikTok. This girl shared a picture or like a video of all her invitations in a bucket of dirty water and said, thanks to my mother-in-law, oh wait, no, I didn’t see that they were already, or they were, the water was dirty because it was all the ink. She already had pre-addressed all these invitations in envelopes, and the mother-in-law threw them in water because they weren’t what she wanted, or she didn’t want the wedding to happen.

It was like going viral on TikTok. And people were like, can you make a story about this? And I was like, let me gather some thoughts.

Kate Gray: That’s terrible. Oh my gosh, that is so awful.

Christa Innis: Do you, that is so awful. Is that someone that just can’t deal with their emotions or can’t communicate, or has or hasn’t been told? No, maybe.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So the like term is enmeshment. They’re enmeshed, which means they’re fused, like, so, um, when it comes to relationships, there’s only one truth. Like there’s right or wrong, and both people have to see it that way. Mm. Whereas, so they need to learn what’s called differentiation. Like, hey, my kid is their own person.

They’re making their own choices and their own life. And it doesn’t have to be the same as what I would do.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Kate Gray: Or I don’t have to approve. They have full autonomy and agency to do what they need to do. Mm-hmm. And so there’s definitely a component of not being able to regulate emotionally. There’s the component of, of being, um, not really having boundaries.

You know, there’s, there’s a lot. I mean, not, again, not to pathologize people and ’cause I don’t know all the context behind these things, but definitely parents that get upset at their children’s decisions, there is a level of enmeshment between them.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I don’t know how some of these people get through.

Like, I know position, I just can’t. Imagine being treated that way.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, awesome. Okay, well that’s all I have for, oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming on. It was so great chatting with you and hearing a different perspective on some of these things that we see.

Kate Gray: Thank you for having me. This was really fun and different.

Like it’s not, I normally just, I talk about this stuff on such, in such a serious way, you know, and so this was really light and fun. I really enjoyed it. Oh, good. Thank you again. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Well, can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content, and then what kind of things you’re working on and what kind of things you share?

Kate Gray: Yeah. So, um, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube under the handle codependency. Kate, KATE. Um, what am I working on? I don’t know. I’m just like having fun posting and, um, just still learning about my community and what the needs are and just doing fun things like this. I did start a podcast, it’s called The Gray Area.

Christa Innis: Oh, fun. Where?

Kate Gray: Yeah, where like, so I post a lot of educational stuff and my podcast is um, where I just elaborate. It’s just like long form. I literally just started it and I am doing it just by myself and I, I’ve been like, I didn’t realize I could yap the way I do. I’ve literally like for 45 minutes to an hour can just like talk about something.

I had no idea. I’ve always been curious, like I wonder if I could just go. Like how long I would talk. Yeah. And anyway, so, um, that’s on my profile. You’re sign up now? I’m literally, yeah. Um, so that’s what I’m doing. Yeah. Now.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, very cool. I feel like a lot of times our, our content can like cross over, like you can be like the more, more serious

Kate Gray: Yes.

Christa Innis: Um, and educational for Yes. I like education. Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of people have que, you know, they hear these stories and they have questions about it, or, um, brides will reach out and be like, this is what I’m currently dealing with and I, I can’t deal with it from, or I can give advice from a professional standpoint.

I just can say like, this is what I’ve seen in these stories. Yes. Yeah. So,

Kate Gray: um, well, and that’s valid too, your experience with these stories. So. Not to like think that, um, you have to have formal training to be able to answer. But yeah, I’m always happy to provide the educational component because there people, from what I’ve learned, like are shocked to find out these things have names and there’s, these are issues, you know, I’ll post a video about this and people are like, oh my gosh, this is my exact situation.

And there’s, you know, 10,000 other people that feel the same way. And it’s just so family systems is super fun to educate people about and it can be very validating for people struggling in these situations.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about social media is that we’re able to connect on those things like, yeah.

Like I saw someone say once like, oh, my algorithm algorithm’s spot on. ’cause it’ll be like a video about like someone with like a D, H, D and anxiety and you’re like, oh my gosh, wait, I have those things. Wait, I do those things. Or it just allows you to connect and see that you’re not alone in something or someone totally in the situation.

And,

Kate Gray: um, it’s so valid. It can be such a relief and so validating for people that don’t have access to therapy or like support, extra support like that. I literally got a message from someone yesterday from like Gambia Africa. Wow. And they’re like, yeah, we don’t have access to therapy here, so I really appreciate your content.

I’m like, oh my God, this is so cool.

Christa Innis: I didn’t know. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, there’s such a. I think, I think our world’s getting more accepting of therapy and like talking about it being like, Hey, yes, I see I go to therapy and I, but like that wasn’t always the case. Right. And I’m sure you saw too, it was more of like a hush hush thing like, oh, I go to therapy.

Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. You are worried about what people are gonna think about you. Mm-hmm. And so I think for those that are still kind of like scared of therapy or like they don’t know if they wanna do it, social media’s a great way of kind of start like opening that door being like, it really is, wait, this is really, this is helpful.

Oh, this is cool. Yeah. Wait, I can talk to someone and like, like get empowered or learn

Kate Gray: about myself or, yeah. That’s great. Like be listened to and just even explore my own thoughts. Like I, I just think that therapy all it is, is just creating space for you to kind of come out and learn about yourself, like you said.

Christa Innis: yeah,

Kate Gray: it’s great. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Awesome. Well thank you again for coming on. I had a great time chatting with you. Me too. Thanks again.

Kate Gray: Thanks.

by Christa Innis

The Good The Bad and The Unbelievable with Dominic and Serena

When the bride says no country music, but the groom’s father demands it… what could go wrong?

Wedding chaos is inevitable, but when parents think the day is about them, things can spiral fast. Dominic and Serena, the husband-and-wife team behind The Wedding Duo, share their wildest stories from behind the scenes of wedding planning and DJing.

Should parents get a say if they’re paying? That’s just one of the controversial takes we tackle, along with strict dress codes, surprise weddings, and over-the-top in-laws. In this episode, they break down how to set boundaries while keeping the peace.

And what happens when an uninvited guest catches the bouquet? From family feuds to DJ battles, this episode is packed with unforgettable moments, wedding hot takes, and plenty of laughs.

Don’t miss the drama—tune in now!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:28 Meet the Wedding Duo

02:09 Social Media Success and Wedding Tips

04:41 Wedding Stories and Challenges

27:35 DJ’s Perspective on Wedding Music

30:55 Wedding Story Submission: A Series of Unbelievable Moments

45:13 Confessions Game: Wedding Drama Unveiled

48:40 Social Media Reactions and Final Thoughts

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

How Dominic and Serena built The Wedding Duo and started planning and DJing weddings together
The power struggle between couples and parents—who really gets the final say?
When wedding dress codes go wrong—should guests have free rein or follow strict rules?
DJ nightmares: Dominic’s worst experience with a father-of-the-groom demanding country music
The growing trend of surprise weddings—fun ideas or absolute disasters?
Why weddings without kids are such a hot debate—do kids add to or ruin the experience?
Wedding guests behaving badly—uninvited guests, bouquet snatching, and family feuds
The unexpected backlash on social media over a bride cutting her hair mid-reception

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“When a parent says, ‘Well, I’m paying, so I get a say,’ that’s when logic is out the window.” – Dominic Fournier
“It’s super helpful to have someone who’s not emotionally attached to the situation too.” – Serena Fournier
“We look at the event as a whole. Like, we’re trying to please everybody as much as we can, as best we can, but the couple is our target audience.” – Serena Fournier
“Some people just can’t help themselves—they HAVE to be the main character, even at someone else’s wedding.” – Christa Innis
“Weddings are already stressful, but throw in a drunk mother-in-law and an aunt in a white dress, and now we have a full-on reality show.” – Christa Innis

About Dominic and Serena

Dominic and Serena, better known as The Wedding Duo, are a husband-and-wife team dedicated to making wedding planning easier, more fun, and way less stressful for couples. With years of experience as wedding professionals, they offer expert guidance to DIY brides, helping them navigate the chaos of wedding planning with confidence.

As business owners, event pros, and parents of three, Dominic and Serena know what it takes to balance it all. They provide free resources, affordable planning tools, and personalized advice to couples looking to create their dream wedding without breaking the bank.

From insider tips to real-world problem-solving, The Wedding Duo simplifies the planning process—so couples can focus on the joy of their big day instead of the stress.

Follow The Wedding Duo:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

Love the show? Check out our merch!

Take the drama with you—literally.

From cozy hoodies to quirky mugs, there’s something for everyone in our collection. Your purchase helps keep the laughs coming, and it’s the perfect way to show your support.

🛍️ Shop Here

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi guys, thank you so much for coming on today.

Dominic: Thanks for having us.

Serena: We are excited to be here.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’m so excited. I’ve been seeing your content for a while, and I love what you guys do. I love that you guys are both in the industry. So starting off, can you just talk a little bit about who you guys are, what you do, and then how you got into the industry?

How “The Wedding Duo” Started

Serena: Well, we are the wedding duo. So we’re a husband, wife, wedding planning, wedding DJ team. We originally started out in San Antonio, Texas, where we still own a company there that does entertainment and planning services for weddings. But we now travel the country and do weddings all over as a wedding duo.

We recently moved to Columbus, Ohio, in February of this year and bought a 20-acre property with the hopes. Of starting our own event space in the near future. So that’s a little synopsis of who we are and how we got into this?

Dominic: Well, it was weird during COVID things changed. Surprise, surprise, right?

Like a lot of things, just a little bit. Yeah. So we were, she said, Hey, I started a tick tock account. I go, okay. Cause that’s kind of what blew us up initially. And we’re on all the formats, but, and I was like, we did. Okay. And she goes, we’re going to the wedding. Do I go, what are we, what wedding do?

Okay. Cause you know, that’s not the name of our company, obviously in San Antonio. And so we just started like doing tips and tricks and you know, how social media works, you start throwing stuff against the wall, see mistakes. Thanks. yeah, we started getting a little traction and then we started getting better at it.

Some people had mentioned, Oh, I went back and watched all the videos. And I go, not all you didn’t go to the beginning. Those are like, I look back at that and I’m like, cringe, delete, delete. But it was all part of the process. And we always say when a bride gets a ring on her finger, she’s like, Oh my God, I’m engaged.

Like, what the heck do I do now? There’s just so much, so many decisions, so many little nuances. And they just. Ideally, they’ve never done it before and hopefully they never do it again. So it’s like They don’t know what even began. So we started just doing tips and tricks and it just really, people really were like,

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that so much. I’ve heard the story so much about when COVID happened, it was like, TikTok, like, let’s go to social media. How can we think outside the box of like, expanding our business and people want to see, I feel like who they’re working with now, they want to. They want to learn more in just different ways.

Then it’s not that old fashioned just like go to a website and just scroll. It’s like they want to see firsthand what they’re going to get and learn.

Serena: Yeah. And that’s something too, I’ve talked before, about how trust has changed in the industry over the last very many, like five, six years.

And there are a lot of couples who don’t necessarily trust wedding vendors initially. And so that’s part of it. Two is they wanna see who you are. They wanna know you’re reputable, they wanna know you’ve, you’re gonna show up and like, because just there are horror stories right out there. Yeah. And they’re so visible now with social media.

So I think it’s important that you put a face behind a company and. A trustworthy thing for years.

Dominic: That first call because I’m a DJ, right? I would have that first call where I’m trying to, it’s consultation, right? It was always like, Hey, let’s get to know each other. See if I’m the guy for the job. Now they mentioned like, I feel like I already know you.

I’m like, oh, okay. Well, am I available? And is it in the budget? I mean, because they already have such a heavy dose of my personality and our personality when they want to plan her as well. It’s really, it’s almost so easy.

Serena: It changes it.

Dominic: Yeah. I’m like, Just sign here. Yeah.

Christa Innis: You’re like right here. Yeah. You’re able to showcase those different areas of yourself where like before you weren’t really able to. And I feel like that’s what people are looking for. They’re like someone they can relate to and has a personality that’s going to do the job that they want them to do. and a little bit more.

So I love that. So did you guys like to meet doing weddings or did you guys start doing weddings after you guys got married and started dating or?

Serena: And we get asked about it all the time. So he introduced me to the wedding world. He was DJing when we met and I was looking for a part-time job, and he got an interview at a country club as an event assistant.

Dominic: And I knew that she mentioned to me, like she was, if I can just find somebody to help and I go, Oh, I actually have somebody that might be outgoing and people always look at me and my personality, but I go, she’s just, she’s really good with people. And she’s really good at keeping things calm, all the scenarios you talk about, she would diffuse that like that, right? Yes,

Serena: You need that. It’s necessary, but yeah, so we, I started working in the event space, he was working separately, this was out in California, it wasn’t until we moved our little family to Texas that we started working together, though when we built our company there.

Christa Innis: Oh, very cool. I love that. And, like, you talk about you being able to diffuse those situations of the skits that I share. It’s like, I feel like so many of them, if they had, like, so many of the stories that are sent to me, if they had, like, a planner or a day of coordinator or someone that was there, like, on their side, I feel like so many of these could be, like, helped out because I feel like there’s so many like communication issues and I get some of the family stuff like that’s you can’t really like, I don’t know if no one can help that.

You just have to have good boundaries, I guess. But, but like a day of stuff like you need someone there that’s going to be like on your side and, um, you know, with you every step of the way for sure.

Dominic: And that’s one of the reasons we talk about. I mean, not, it’s not in the budget for everyone to have wall-to-wall professionals, but that’s what you get.

You get people that. No, where the issue is before it even happens and they head off of the past, they let people know, like, no, that’s no, is the people like, we’ve had this conversation a hundred times before, before you can get to the next thought, which I know where you’re going. Like, we can already say,

Serena: Well, and it’s, it’s super helpful to have someone who’s not emotionally attached to the situation too.

Right? Like, yeah. I’ve had to play that role so many times where I’m just kind of like a calming voice in a room of chaos, right? So, um, I think that that is super helpful, especially on the actual day of the event.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Like, that’s like the bride I’m working with right now. She was like, I just need someone to like, keep me calm.

Cause I know my nerves are going to be really high. And so just like, You just need that exterior person, like you’re just talking about where it’s like, you’re not going to be involved in the drama. You’re not going to have a bias against, you know, someone or something like, let’s just stick on our timeline. Let’s, you know, make things flow. So it works well.

Dominic: Cause she gets everybody calm. And then I come into the bridal suite, like, Oh, great. We had everybody calm and here I come in like, Oh, like a wrecking ball. That’s what I do. I bring humor into it a lot. And I try to get people to like, like, you know, cause I always say like, how are you feeling about the bride’s shoes?

I’m nervous. I am nervous on your wedding day. And they’re like, I know. And so it’s just a little thing that little dad jokes that she’s so tired of. If they’re still getting their hair and makeup done, I’ll make a joke about my hair, of course.

Christa Innis: You need that to kind of loosen up the nerves.

Serena: And I have learned that it is.

As much as I roll my eyes, it is a valuable tool that he brings. To the party, right? It’s just that like interjection of humor and a sense of calm and like, oh, okay, let’s not all take ourselves so seriously.

Dominic: And they forget that it’s supposed to be a celebration. It’s supposed to be fun. But before you start, oh my God, everybody’s just puckered up so tight. And they’re like, everybody’s taking a breath.

Christa Innis: Yes, absolutely. So getting into the reason why people love hearing these stories, the hot takes, the drama, do you guys have any, like, being in the industry, do you guys have any crazy stories that you would like to share, that you’ve witnessed, heard, what have you?

When the DJ Becomes the Mediator

Dominic: So, like we mentioned, like, it’s, and I think, the scenarios you talk about, I think, are few and far between, but when they happen, it’s just, that’s what you talk about, right? It’s almost like the morning after. Oh, how was the wedding? Oh my God, the cake fell over. Like, that’s, that was one tiny thing that happened, but it’s the first, they want to tell what happened, what was the drama, right?

but I did have a scenario where, and I’m, I’m really good with people and I’m really, like I said, I’m good about diffusing. I’m very professional. I’m an adult. I try to be an adult and I don’t drink. So that’s, that’s. And that’s what, that’s what came into this one. Father of the bride, we’re in Texas. He was a good old boy.

He wanted nothing but country music. The bride, who was not his daughter. That was his daughter-in-law. So he’s the father of the groom’s wanted country. Did I say, bride? Father of the groom wanted a country. His new daughter-in-law said. I don’t want any country. So here I am in the middle with her being my client, right?

She signed the contract. He is so mad at me because I will not. So I even went up to him. I’m like, I would tell him repeatedly, the bride doesn’t want it. I go, when I went to the bride, like, can you please let me do a couple of country songs just to get him chilled out? And I did not do enough. He was literally walking in front of the DJ booth at one point.

Points at me and says worst effing DJ ever. I’m like, are you kidding me? I mean, I care so much. I’m so in the weeds about making sure everything goes perfectly. And so, and he’s sitting over there on the side like this. And so I’m like, again, I’m an adult. I walked up to him saying, can you appreciate my position?

I’m between the bride and it’s her day, right? I know you’re the father of the groom. You think it’s all about you hiring me another day and I’ll do your country playlist all night, but she hired me. It’s her day and she and her friends want to party. It’s not you and the boys at the country club playing in your country.

He did. He literally bowed me up and kind of bumped me a little bit. I’m like, You’re joking. Are you joking about this? He was well into the booze at this point. So I’m like I’m, just gonna remove myself from this guy, but it was like one of those moments and it’s still like Those memories are what sticks in your, in your head.

Even though I’ve had a thousand parents above me, he’s stuck in there. And I’m like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Because especially you can put so much care into your job and what you’re doing. And you’re like, I’m literally doing the best job I can do. And they can’t see past that. Like you are helping your client first. That’s like her day, oh my gosh.

Serena: Yeah. And it’s, it’s also, we. We do a lot of planning prior to the event, obviously, right? But even with the music piece, he sits down and has meetings with the client. So it’s like, it’s not like he’s just going off the fly and playing what he wants to hear, right? This has all been planned out and set up prior to the event.

So I don’t know.

Dominic: And people are weird about their music. I mean, people’s taste in music is just as personal as their taste in food or whatever, right? Like, so when they come up and somebody is like, turn this off, nobody wants to hear this. And I’m like, maybe the crowded dance floor would speak differently, right?

Cause I’m like, you’re not seeing plus. When they come up and say, Hey, can you play this song? And I go, no, it’s not your day. Random guests. Like it’s the couple who have given me music to play and I’m going to play their music as a priority. Plus whatever. It just usually gets the crowd going. So it’s the whole thing.

They don’t, they don’t get it. Sometimes, you know, the people that don’t get it, the people you do your skits with, they don’t get it. Right.

Christa Innis: They don’t get it. I know it’s, it’s hard. Cause I feel like. Like the father of the groom, they see it as their day to like presents to their friends or, you know, whoever’s there and it’s like, Oh, these are my, like you said, like my country boys, like, we love this.

And it’s like, get that out of your head for a little bit. And just like riding groom day.

Serena: Yes. There’s a time and a place for that, right? Like for your group of friends and your music. This is not it.

Dominic: You have a cowboy hat? Easy. Father of the groom, put the cowboy hat on.

Serena: There you go.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. That’s crazy.

That is. I’ve never heard of someone getting so like, yeah, like you said, like people get very into their music, but I can’t imagine someone just going up to a DJ and saying that like knowing the dance floor is busy. People are enjoying music. It’s just you, sir.

Serena: It happens a lot, honestly. I mean, not to that extent, but, um, we have a team of DJs like in San Antonio and they talk about, you know, they get flipped off by a guest because they wouldn’t play a request, but alcohol is also a big factor, right? People get really upset.

Dominic: And again, it’s the exception, not the norm, but, and then when it does happen if it’s a random guest, like I have no problem saying like, you didn’t, the only reason I’m, the only reason you’re here is because they decided to get married. They hired me to be here for this party.

They’re giving you booze, they fed you just to enjoy the party. Right. But they’re like, but they get mad that they won’t play their song. But I’m like, they don’t, but a random guest is easy, but when it’s a parent, a father of one of the couple, that was where I’m like, okay, now I have to tread a little lighter.

You know, it was just, and again, it was really random, but I want dibs. You mentioned me. You mentioned Jesus’ story.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, I will totally give you credit if I do that. And, and I’m wondering too, it’s like, cause the story that I’m, I just did like a skit where the mom was like, um, talking about like an open bar, the bride didn’t only want to like wine and beer.

And the mom was like, well, we’re paying for it. So I’m wondering too, do you ever get people that are like, well, I’m paying for the DJ or I’m paying for this portion of the wedding. So I should get a say, and they don’t understand like, no, your client is still the first person.

The Parent Paycheck Problem

Dominic: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s the worst. The minute they drop that exact line. Well, I’m paying. I know. Okay. So the logic is out the window. Yeah, you’re just the string is there.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Dominic: Nothing else matters. Well, I wrote the check. Okay. All right. It’s the worst. But yeah, it comes up a lot.

Serena: It does. I mean, they pull that card and it’s really unfair, right?

Because yes, that’s true. But we look at the event as a whole, right? Like we’re trying to please everybody as much as we can, as best we can, but the couple is our target audience, so just because you’re paying for it, I mean, that happens so much too throughout the planning process with parents because they’re like, they contributed to a certain portion of the day.

And so they want to be able to have more say in what happens with that, whether it be decorations or cake or something. Right. Um, and it puts the couple in a weird spot because what if they don’t, that’s not their vibe or that’s not what they had in mind, you know, they’re strings attached and it’s, it’s difficult.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s still one of the most controversial things I see when I make a video about something because I do longer like YouTube videos and I’ll talk about it. I’d like to read a story someone sent me. And still in the comments, people are like, well, if someone’s paying, they should have every right to change something.

No, they shouldn’t. If the bride wants to include the bride or groom wants to include the parent, that is their choice. Like, get opinions. Absolutely. Bring them along to a tasting. Sure. But to go over their head and change something or feel like they have authority over them is just wrong.

Dominic: In my opinion, it’s always, the one I just watched, the one that you’re talking about with alcohol.

The first thing I thought of was like, usually it’s. When the alcohol comes to somebody who brought it in like they have a flask, they have a bottle, there’s a surprise, they have it at the table, and that doesn’t go, and then the bartenders or the staff or the wedding planner will literally be like, can’t have this, and takes it, and they’re like, and

Serena: they get so upset, yeah, and

Dominic: it’s not just that it was expensive, but it’s like, no, that, you just took the party, like, that’s like, we’re doing shots at the table, you, most actual establishments, you can’t do that, or you can’t have it in the broom suite, you can’t have, you can’t bring your own booze in, that’s like, Should be obvious, but you get some people with the good old boys that bring it.

I don’t want to say guys, and girls do it too, but I mean, it’s, it’s, it boozes. Yeah, you gotta have it, but it’s like it brings a lot of drama with it, right? So

Christa Innis: yeah, I know someone just commented on the video either that part or another one and they said they read a wedding once where It actually got shut down because someone was sneaking in alcohol and because we don’t think about the liquor laws Some places don’t have the liquor license to have it or if you agree to a certain contract and you bring other stuff in they Could they could shut down like lose, you know different licenses or lose privileges.

So like they have to protect themselves People don’t think about that

Dominic: Well, and kids, it’s under 20, not even kids under 21, like the 19-year-old sitting at that table. That keeps hitting the shots. Yeah, that’s just getting in trouble when they get in a car crash on the drive home, the venue, people, the bartenders.

Yeah. And it’s like, they got to protect themselves. So, but they don’t. People just can’t, like, think two more steps ahead to figure that out. It’s like, there’s a reason we do this this way, so.

Christa Innis: All right, let’s jump into some wedding hot takes. So these are a couple of different prompts that people have shared before.

I want to get your guy’s opinion on it. So, do you think weddings should have strict dress codes, or should guests be free to wear what makes them feel comfortable?

Do Weddings Need Strict Attire Rules?

Serena: Oh, that’s a great question. So I think if it’s important to the couple, right, that they have an overall aesthetic, okay, let’s say they want, you know, a black tie type of an event, um, then the guest should comply with that, right?

Like they, they can put it on their invitations and they can choose not to come if they don’t want to get dressed up to that, um, level. But for the majority of events, I see, and I’m just saying kind of. What is more common, there is a certain expectation of, you know, dressing nice, but also not wearing white and, you know, um, not necessarily like a dress code, unless requested, I guess, if that makes sense.

Dominic: Oh, I had a stepmom recently. I’m like, and that’s the big book of wedding protocol, right? Page one, don’t wear white. Like, I feel like that what people know, right? And she was in this white dress and I was just like, oh, and of course, right away, the bride’s like. Honestly, like, and everybody else is like, you know what you’re doing.

You’re just stirring the pot. You’re kicking the bee’s nest. When I was DJing in California, where we met, I used to really have a problem with denim. And I’m like, really, you thought wearing jeans to the wedding was appropriate. And then I got to Texas and the wedding party is in jeans sometimes, but it’s, but that’s their vibe.

They’re cowboy hats and jeans. They’re nice jeans, you know, but, uh, but then there’s the other extreme where somebody wore a ball cap and you’re like, no, just a guest, a random wedding party. They’re in the loop. For these things, but I, I, I think people should dress up. I’m not a fan. And

Serena: I think they should do, but I think if an expectation of a certain attire is something you have in mind, you really need to put it out there and make sure that people are aware.

Right. That’s my only kind of. Caveat on that,

Dominic: but we’ve had people that in the wedding party or parents sometimes like they finish the ceremony and they’re just so uncomfortable in the suit or dress, they go and change and they’re back and they’re in their khakis or their T-shirt, and we haven’t even taken the pictures yet of that.

There’ve been grooms of that. They said like. You got to go back and change back. And I’m like, it’s just the craziest thing. And I’m like, you can’t just, just for just a few hours, you can’t stay dressed up. They just can’t do it.

Christa Innis: I know though the wedding I held with, uh, early last year, um, day of coordinator and.

Then, one of the, like, brides, like, new sister-in-law was, like, I think probably under 20, so she was maybe 18, 19. Complained about the dress the whole time. Literally, the second the wedding was over, went and changed, and they were like, We need you back! And, like, it was one of those where it was constantly, like, come on, like, stand up, like, we gotta get you in pictures.

Smile! Like, it was just, like,

Serena: constant.

Christa Innis: Right. So that’s hard. And, it’s hard, especially when you want them involved in the wedding and you’re like, come on, just wear this dress for like just a couple hours. Like, help me out here. But, um, but yeah, people get really like I’ve seen in the comments. People get really upset when it’s like, like, don’t tell me what to wear if I’m coming to your event.

But I agree where it’s like, let’s how you would normally dress than just like a little nicer for an event. But yeah, like sometimes you see jeans at weddings and it’s like, Sometimes it’s fine. It fits. If it fits their theme, go for it. Um, but yeah, it’s hard. That’s just it.

Dominic: It’s a pretty casual event. And everybody, all events are different.

But when it says black tie, make an effort, right? Like, go out. The thing that gets me into something I bring up as well is, let’s say you’ve got the wedding party and their plus ones at the head table. And then your sister starts dating this guy a month before and he shows up in the dirty ball cap. And now he’s at the head table

Serena: in the

Dominic: pictures and then they break up a week later.

Serena: And

Dominic: you’re like, are you going to be in every one of the pictures? So,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Dominic: That’s one of them. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And you never know if you’re going to be and like. I think most people probably don’t think about this. Maybe just like being kind of in the industry, but like you could be in the background of a video, like if a videographer is there, you can be in the background of a photo or like when they’re taking ceremony photos, you don’t want to see like someone’s like, you know, backward cap, you know, in the audience or something.

So just thinking about those things. Let’s see. So this one. Okay. How do you feel about couples hosting a surprise wedding instead of announcing it in advance?

Surprise Weddings: Bold or Reckless?

Dominic: A surprise wedding? I can’t say I’ve ever been a part of that.

Serena: Yeah, I don’t think I have either, but the thought kind of terrifies me a little bit. As a planner. Yeah, like I’m like, Oh my God, like how that adds such an extra level of stress and Just dynamic to the whole thing, right?

Dominic: Well, if we were in there from the beginning and we helped plan the surprise, that would be me. I’d be like, let’s do a first dance. I don’t know. What is your name?

What’s up? Like it would be, we couldn’t be surprised. We would have to be in on the loop, but it still brings in a whole, it would be a whole different, a whole different event.

Serena: Absolutely.

Christa Innis: I picture like. really upset parents. Like, I don’t know. Like, that makes me think that maybe if they did one, or if they’re planning on doing one, it’s like someone like maybe parents don’t agree.

And then they’re planning a party. Like, I feel like I’ve read a story where someone submitted it to me and they were planning a surprise wedding just to kind of be like, well, we’re already married, so you can’t do anything about it. Sorry. Surprise. Yeah. It’s like, I would never personally do that, but.

I guess they teach their own, but it’s almost like, I feel like someone that does that is like, they just don’t want other opinions to be brought in.

Serena: Exactly. And I think it would depend on, like, their motives, right? Maybe they’re just like, like you said, they don’t want any other opinions through the process, they don’t want those.

Dominic: It’s just a low, but it’s almost like you want to like, Oh no, I’m sticking it to the person. Like mom is going to hear about this. We’re going right. We’re going to see their faces.

Christa Innis: Yeah, go for it.

Dominic: That’s what I said. Go for it.

Wedding Hot Takes: Debating the Controversial Opinions

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. You do you. Yeah, exactly. Okay, next section is pick a side on wedding drama debates. So, these are things, unpopular opinions that people send me on Instagram. They’re not always unpopular because sometimes I’m like, oh, I agree with that, but they might be a little more controversial.

So, let me know what you guys think about these. So, the first one says weddings are better with kids.

Serena: So we actually disagree on that. Like, between the two, I mean, like, we’re more on one side than the other. I like adult -only events. And he loves kids, just in his life, like, right? So, he doesn’t mind the chaos that can occur with children.

In general, right?

Dominic: It’s not even kids. Usually it’s the parents, right? Cause you know, when they’re like that, it takes a village. No, your little terror is running. Because I’ve had kids, they had a little packet of toys for the kids. Like, cause you know, there’ll be coloring books, coloring books. Great. But this one had bouncy balls in it.

Christa Innis: Oh, no.

Dominic: Anybody listening? Terrible idea. Don’t give the kids. There was a little boy, literally, during the first dance, bouncing a ball across, running across, picking it up, throwing it across, and I’m like, looking around like, where is the parent? So that’s nonsense. When the, when the, when the parents just don’t care and the kids are just like, Yeah, I don’t like that, but just they’re in the family too.

But again, that’s really, people have a camp, kids or no kids. They’re like, I’m not sure. No, they already know. So it’s a big thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. People are so passionate about it. When I post about it, like they’re like, how disgusting that a bride and groom would not include kids. And then on the other end, it’s like, no, I don’t want to go.

I don’t even want my own kids there or something like that. And I’m like, I, if I get invited to a wedding and my daughter’s not invited, I’m like, That’s fine. She’ll have fun with Nana and Papa. Or, you know, or if I, if she has invited, I’m like, great, you know, and I, she’s so small now where I’m like, I probably wouldn’t bring her that’s because I’m like, I’d rather have like a night out.

But you know what? Like to each their own for like bride and groom. I don’t know. It’s just me bouncing the balls and I’ve heard crazy stories and you are 100 percent right where it’s when the parents don’t watch the kid because they’re kids. They’re going to get into stuff. We know this about kids.

but yeah, if like a cake gets knocked over because of a kid, is it really the kid to blame or is it parent not wanting to

Dominic: share some of that? Responsibility.

Christa Innis: Yes, but I’m like my purse like we invited all our nieces and nephews because I was like, I couldn’t imagine getting married without my nieces and nephews there, but like when it came to like friends, kids or like distant relative kids that I barely see, I’m like, and I, and most of my friends were like, I would rather have a night out with my husband.

Dominic: If you think about it, how many times do they have a corporate Christmas party? The kids don’t go to that. Like it’s not a, it’s a thing. If it’s going to be a grownup party, yeah, the kids don’t go. But to your point, I would say just bring the ones, you know, like if you’re. Person from work. You don’t even know their spouse.

They’re bringing their kids. Like, you know, of course not pay for them. No, absolutely not. So I agree. But again, I, I, I enjoy chatting with the kids. He

Serena: does. He’s like the kid whispers, like the pied piper wedding is there and the little kids like to follow him around. I get a lot

Dominic: of assistant DJs. And sometimes I’m like, okay, we need to yeah.

I can’t get to the board because they’re all back there. What song is next? Is this microphone on? I’m like, put the microphone down.

Christa Innis: Right. Well, I think I was always like, I always heard this story growing up from my mom where they were having no kids at their wedding, my parents. And one of my, I think it was like my dad’s coworker or something was like, Oh, like we’re RCPing with our two kids.

And they were really mad that the kids were not invited. And so my parents were like, okay, fine. You know what? We’ll add them on, you know, we’ll give them. Two seats day of the like, and you know, it was expensive. Like you still have to add on these kids meals the day of the wedding. They didn’t come and they acted like it was no big deal.

Like my parents were like, Oh, where’s so and so and so and so they didn’t want to come. My parents were like, you made this huge thing. We extended it for them. And then they didn’t even like to come. So those are the

Dominic: People, these are the same people. They’re all going to that same pile.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Serena: Just that level of like.

Selfishness, I think, is what it comes down to. Yeah, like, only being able to see how it affects themselves. Totally.

Dominic: It’s a selfish thing, I think, for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so this next one says Alright, so this is a good one, since you’re a DJ. Songs that have specific dances, like Cupid Shuffle, for example, alienate people from the dance floor.

Dominic: Uh, I would say it’s the opposite. Yeah. For a DJ, it’s kind of low hanging fruit because if I’m trying to get the dance floor energized, whatever people, I mean, I don’t even know if your wedding counts if you didn’t wobble at the reception. Right? So I’m just kidding. But it is like, there are people that will only dance to the line dances because they don’t like it, they don’t think they can dance, but they know they can follow the moves like everyone else.

And there are nights where they want, like, can we do the boot scootin’ boogie, followed by the Cuban shuffle, followed by the wobble, followed by the cha cha slide. I’m like, absolutely not. I mean, I will sprinkle them in, but I don’t want, yeah, I don’t want, I, again, it’s their day, but it’s really, it’s another thing.

Some people are like, no line dances. And then other people are like, Oh, we love them. I’m like, okay. And overall, there’ll be a night where I’m really muscling through a dance floor. Because I can only work with the crowd I have. But they’ll literally come out, do the line dance and then disappear on me again.

I’m like, I can’t get any more venom. It’s not usual, but. Again, not everybody, but overall, yeah, it’s, it’s,

Serena: It’s still a thing. And I don’t think it alienates people unless, I mean, I guess like for that song, right? Like it’s usually just one or two, if we play them and

Dominic: yeah. If I’m a guest, I love to dance, but I’m like, knock yourself out.

Kick your right foot, kick your left foot, turn around. It’s like a hokey pokey. I’m like, I’m going to get a drink at that point.

Serena: Exactly. Like, yeah, I don’t think it changes the overall.

Dominic: Yeah, but I’m in the minority. The minute I play cha cha slide, I’m like, here they come, here they come. But what’s cool about it is the little kids know it because they do it at the middle school dance.

Right. Grandma knows it because it’s been around 20, 30 years. So it’s one of those, like you look at all walks of life, all generations, because it’s a wedding. It’s not a club. You got four generations there. Right. And I want everyone to dance and that’s one of the songs that we’ll get

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Dominic: It’s crazy.

Christa Innis: So I totally agree with that. I’m the wobble girl. I always wobble at weddings. Yeah. And it’s funny too, because it’s like, that one’s obviously a little bit newer. I feel like when I was in college, that’s when I started hearing that more. But um, like I remember at my wedding, like my mom was like, Oh, how would I do it?

So we’re all trying to teach. And I think it’s just like a fun moment for a family, you said, like multiple generations to come in. But, but yeah, maybe like the hokey pokey or like the chicken dance, we don’t always need those. But you know, Yeah. Yeah. You know,

Dominic: And there’s even like people would say the YMCA is one that’s kind of a lot.

It is like the part in the middle, right? Or what about Miss, uh, Chappelle Rowan, like H O T T O, right? It’s like, and people were like, what are they doing? And I’m like, some people know it, some people don’t, but I always say like, is it going to stay? And is it going to really get momentum?

Cause Like the wobble has been around. It’s one of the newer ones, but the cubit shuffle is over. Cha cha slide has got to be 25 years old, but they still know it and do it. It’s still relevant. I use that. Word loosely, but, uh, I don’t have to go say yeah.

Serena: Relevant in the wedding. Yes. I’m running differently than the rest of the world.

The Wildest Submissions Yet

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. I know, like we’ve had so much fun chatting, but I want to get into this week’s wedding story submission. So we can kind of react to it. So I’m going to read it and then, um, I’ll make little pauses and stuff too, or just feel free to start like. Cut me off if you want to start talking about how crazy it is.

Like I said, before we started recording, I’ve not read it yet. So we’ll see what we’re going to get. Sometimes they end. Not too crazy and just a little like a learning moment. So here we go. All right. Our wedding happened two years ago, but it’s too much of a WTF moment to not share. I love your skits, and this could honestly be a whole series.

The day of our wedding, there were so many moments that were just shocking, but also you just have to laugh and shake your head. My husband and I stayed in separate rooms the night before, but they were right across the Oh, they. Okay, she missed this. I’m guessing her in laws. Says they were right across the hall.

I had hair and makeup in my room for all the bridesmaids and the moms. Everything was going smoothly until my mother in law came in to get her hair done and she was already buzzed from drinking. Here we go, another drinking one. She was saying things like, I can’t believe you’re taking my baby from me. Who is going to take care of me?

Why does this day have to happen? Mind you, my father in law is very much alive, and my husband has another brother.

Dominic: So it was all on him apparently. Yeah.

Christa Innis: This is the one.

Dominic: This is the golden child of the family.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. And it’s funny too because like people always be like, oh this is so dramatized and I’m like, but sometimes like people are like, no this happened word for word to me.

Right.

Dominic: Absolutely. We all know these people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. The time had come to say our personal vows, and we were doing our first touch pictures. It was to be in his room on the balcony so we could get fall colors in the background. The only people invited were our photographer and videographer. While I was reading my vows, we heard and saw his aunt from the ground screaming that she loves my husband.

We ignored her, but she persisted, so my husband had to politely tell her to go away. Um, next came walking down the aisle. Him and I were both crying and had locked eyes the second I entered the aisle. I was midway through getting him, through getting to him when the other aunt suddenly grabbed my arm and started rubbing my shoulder.

I’ve been to 12 weddings and have never seen or heard of anyone doing this. I’m sure it was to try to comfort me. But not the time or the place. No.

Absolutely not. Yeah, what are we doing here? We finished up our ceremony and moved on to pictures. That’s why I noticed his third aunt. Okay, lots of aunts here. Yes. Dressed in all white.

Serena: Mmm, there it goes.

Christa Innis: Floor-length gown and all.

Serena: Yep, they do it.

Dominic: Does she have a bouquet? Was she carrying

Christa Innis: a bouquet? Her own bouquet and everything.

She had a veil, I’m guessing, so. So my photographer positioned her to stand directly behind me, so all you could see was her head. Smart photographer.

Dominic: Very good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Family pictures were going well until we told everyone we were going to do our own one on one pictures. Mother in law had to be told and finally was removed as she wanted to join our pictures and tag along.

Serena: Yeah, let go. The umbilical cord has been severed. Yes! Oh my god.

Dominic: I hope they move out of the country, because this is the only way you’re going to serve this time. Yeah.

Christa Innis: This reminds me of the, uh, Everybody Loves Raymond situation. Like, we’re moving across the street, we’re going to come in the back door.

Serena: Yeah, exactly. Show up unannounced all the time. Oh, wow.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Once the reception hit, all the stress and anxiety was over, or so I thought. We had our dance and then my dad’s daughter danced. My husband goes to grab his mom and at this point she is wasted drunk. She kept yelling at him to twirl her, dip her, and make a whole scene.

The rest of the reception did go fairly well and I wouldn’t change a thing. But if you have, if you need more, I have my whole side of the family that apparently was competing to see who could be the bigger S show. Then we now have my whole pregnancy, which is also filled with drama. And that’s a whole other can of worms.

Serena: Right. Yes.

Christa Innis: So that’s,

Serena: That is, I can only imagine this mom now with a baby. that, yeah, it’s like

Dominic: They say, you’re not just marrying that person. You’re marrying the whole family.

Serena: But

Dominic: I mean, not, not really. I mean, you see him like most families, you just see holidays periodically, birthdays. But if they’re next door, if it’s that.

Everybody loves the Raymond scenario. Yeah. They are under your feet and it sounds like she probably didn’t move far.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And like. This is like a small, small detail that seems like they, I’m wondering if the bride or the mother of the groom asked for the room across the hall because I find it very interesting.

Um, oh, you know, I might’ve read that wrong. It sounds like her husband stayed across the hall the night before, but when the mother in law came in, it sounded like she was already just trying to stir the pot and just trying to make it about her. But

Serena: It’s so unfortunate. We did once on our feed where he talked about.

The mother of the groom, getting a photo with her son, like making sure that she had a moment with her son,

Dominic: like a first touch with the first look with the, with the father, the bride, which we see a lot,

Serena: Like, like, then it was important for the mother of the groom to be able to get those moments too, because it is right.

But this is the extreme, right? Like get the moment, but then also know that this isn’t about you, right? Like you, you of course are a big part of the two families coming together. But essentially it’s about the couple and, um, yeah, I, I don’t,

Dominic: It’s funny you mentioned that. And that’s the first thing I thought of too, was that, that video.

Cause I saw it once and I go, what a great idea. Because sometimes the groomsmen and the groom are already ready. And the bridesmaids take a little longer. Your gender takes a little longer to get ready often. Um, but the mom is sometimes ready. Cause she was usually early in the chair to get the hair and makeup done.

Just grab the photographer who sometimes is, you know, taking detailed shots or waiting and just have a quick, like, just the same thing. Walk up, tap him, because he’s always in that dirty Aerosmith shirt with the hole in the pit and the khaki pants and the Crocs. He’s dressed, he’s never looked better.

Mustache tamed, hair is cut, he’s groomed. Have a moment where you’re like, Oh my God, you look great. I’m so happy for your big wedding day. Hug it out, get a picture, wipe a tear, scene. And we’re good. Yes. The moms and the mothers of the bride were like, It is not about her. It is about me. The same ones. These people are like, they took it as an attack.

Like, no, it is me and my family and the bride’s. I go, what? Half of the guests are there because Of him and his family. It’s crazy. People get so personally attacked.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I find it funny too, like people kind of call themselves out sometimes in the comments because it’ll be like a mother in law story that someone sent me and someone will comment.

Why do you only talk about mother-in -laws? Mother of the bride is bad too. And I’m like, okay. I mean, if someone tells me a story, I will ask. And I try to mix up what I’m talking about. But why, like, when I see a story about a bride, I don’t get offended because I’m like, I wasn’t like that, you know what I’m saying?

Like, it’s like, if you see a story and you’re offended and like, maybe we should look at, look in the mirror

Serena: a little bit of, you know, internal. Are you the

Dominic: lady from the story?

Christa Innis: Yeah. People will be like, are you, this is, are you in this story? Yeah. Yeah, I should reach out to this person and be like, do you want to share more for like a part two?

More, yeah, wow. I want to know about this, like, I mean, I’m good at photography for thinking quickly and being like, let’s move the amp behind you. But, all white, like, and I was someone like, you know, I had Like even to my bachelorette party, I remember one of my cousins being like, I bought a dress that has white in it.

Is that okay? I’m like, I don’t care. You could wear an all white dress. I’m not that person. I don’t care. But to just assume, or just to show up in a gown at someone’s wedding is very bold, very bold. You’re asking for people to like to ask questions or to like to notice you at that point.

Dominic: And like you said, a picture like in the background.

I’ve also seen where they have a really extreme, like, neon pink dress or something, and I get that that’s sometimes the thing, but we had one and it was really bright, and it was like a gown. It’s like, poofed out and everything. I think she had, like, some kind of a tiara looking thing too in her hair, and I’m like, and again, every picture she was like Bigfoot.

There she was in the background, because she glowed, right? Right. And it’s like, it’s not, it’s not your day. It’s not about you, but some people just don’t, that doesn’t. Yeah. They can’t

Serena: not like to stand out in social settings. Right.

Dominic: That could be the title of every one of your stories. It’s not about you, but let’s tell the story.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like I’ve quoted that so many times in these skits. I’m like, well, it’s not about you, but like people still, and the irony of it too, is like these, the mother in law, especially in this story, that’s like, don’t take my baby away from me. Like, why does this have to happen? The more they act like that.

The less they’re going to see their son, because the wife’s not going to want them around. For

Serena: That matters. Right. Like who wants that overbearing mother in law when you, especially when you’re a new mom and like, Oh my gosh, how can

Dominic: You do not connect the dots on that? Right.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I feel like ’cause people like that are just the main character of their own story, so they don’t see how they can be the issue, that’s to say, yeah, yeah.

She, the bride, is the villain at that point.

Dominic: Terrible bride. How dare she take her?

Christa Innis: Terrible. I’ve seen that a lot too. People will comment like, well, brides, or what, what did they say? Like, brides are villains too. And I’m like, yeah, I’ve shared some where brides are not the, the, you know, main protagonist or whatever.

They’re like, and I’m like. Or, you know, they’ll just kind of be upset at the story, how it comes out. And I’m like, I just, I just get a story and I just make it into it.

Serena: It’s so interesting. We, um, we had a video recently where we showed our bride, she cut her hair right after the ceremony. So

Dominic: today, this morning, I saw another bride doing it as a surprise

Serena: to her groom,

Dominic: mid reception, like the.

We started the dance floor and then, yeah, and then

Serena: We took her back. She had her aunt come in to the stylist and cut her hair and it was really fun and fabulous and crazy. Yeah. But, and okay, we posted on Tik TOK. We posted on Instagram and there were a few comments on those platforms. And, but a lot of them were like, this is, she looks great on Facebook.

Christa Innis: Mean.

Serena: We’re so upset. They were like,

Christa Innis: how

Serena: Dare you? You are being deceitful to your husband. He married you with long hair and now he’s going to be disappointed.

Dominic: I mean, they were so,

Serena: They were so mad.

Dominic: So you’re on social media. You understand, right? We have videos. And TikTok and Instagram and Facebook are similar, but if we put the same video on all three, we’ll have one that blows up on one and it does that on the other one.

So that one has 20, 000 on TikTok, maybe about the same on Instagram, 4. 5 million on Facebook. We’ve never had a video, never had a video go that big on Facebook before. And every comment

Serena: is pissed off, almost. It is

Dominic: ridiculous, the things they’re saying.

Christa Innis: I find Facebook is kind of like the meaner out of all of them and like with this whole like possible like TikTok ban, it’s funny, like one of the first comments I saw about it, this woman was like, Oh, that’s good because you know, TikTok bullying and stuff.

I want to be like, Facebook has the like, Facebook has the meanest comments like towards me or towards like skit people like, Oh my gosh, like those are where I get like the nastiest comments, I would say.

Serena: It’s the same for us. He like he rarely he’s in most of the videos right and he doesn’t get a lot of negative like personal attacks on Uh, TikTok or Instagram, but when they come, they come from

Dominic: Facebook.

Serena: Yeah. Yeah.

Dominic: This is what I get. It’s because, I don’t know if you’ve seen any ones where I talk about the bride going down the aisle and I start to describe the moment and I’ll talk, and I try to talk when the artist isn’t singing, but sometimes I have to get a point across. I’m like, wait, you’re going to open the doors right here.

And stop talking. I can’t hear the song. I’m like, like

Serena: you

Dominic: couldn’t listen

Serena: to the song

Dominic: somewhere else. It’s only 30 seconds of the song anywhere where you’re like, Oh, this is my jam. Turn it up. Go any other format. But the reason I’m doing this is to describe the moment that they can’t, again, they can’t detach.

They’re like, stop talking. I can’t hear the song. I’m like, okay.

Serena: So I’ll just sit there. They

Dominic: expect me just to sit here and say, play. Yeah. That’s going to do well. That video will do really well.

Christa Innis: I’ve had like, some people just comment, like, What a waste of time watching this. Or they’ll be like, dumb skit.

And I’m like,

Serena: thanks.

Christa Innis: And I’ll just be

Serena: Like, thanks, Pamela. Yeah. And also you watch the whole thing. Right. So like, That’s on you. Sorry, you wasted your time. Yeah, you could have just scrolled and kept going. I mean, I know it really is. We love social media for what it’s done for our business and the connections we have made, but there’s a lot of yucky, you know, that you really have to like, put on a thick skin sometimes.

Christa Innis: Those keyboard warriors.

Serena: Yeah, unfortunately, it brings out really just some bold people. I don’t know why. They don’t understand that they’re like people. That’s what I said about the Facebook post. I was like, I hope our bride doesn’t see this. That was like my concern because I know them well enough that she would roll her eyes I’m sure but like it’s just There’s people on the other side of what you’re saying, right?

Like sometimes they’re so nasty and it’s just like,

Dominic: But she’s the bride. She’s not on Facebook. It’s okay.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Oh my gosh. That is crazy. Okay. So before we end, cause I know we’re getting kind of over on time here. I don’t want you to take up too much of your guys’ time. So I want to end with our weekly confessions game. So these are confessions that people send me on Instagram that Sometimes they have to do with weddings, sometimes they don’t.

So we’re going to see what we get. Um, we like to call it the drama Yeah, drama meter. Where we’re going to say like, rate them from 1 to 10. Or just respond to like, how crazy it is or if it reminds you of something. Okay, this first one says, I stole back my bouquet when the uninvited guest at my wedding caught it.

Serena: Well, the thing, the thing I would say is usually we have a separate bouquet so the bride can keep that bouquet, right? Cause like, usually the bride, like,

Dominic: A tossed bouquet.

Serena: So, I don’t have a problem with her wanting to keep her own bouquet, I guess it is like.

Dominic: Yeah, probably shouldn’t have thrown it in the first place.

Christa Innis: Well, I’m wondering if she just worded it as my bouquet, but I’m wondering if it actually was the toss.

Serena: Okay, so in that case, that’s, I mean,

Dominic: If you had one of your bridesmaids or your sisters and gays and you’re like, Oh, I want them to catch it. And then you’re like, And then this chick over here wasn’t even invited.

I mean, I can see how you’d be mad,

Christa Innis: but yeah,

Dominic: I give it a four, maybe

Christa Innis: a five. It’s like a whole layer of like, what happened? Why did you not like? Did they try to get invited and you knew they were coming or yeah, it’d be kind of crazy. Um, Okay, we’ll do one last one before we end because I know i’m again taking taking too much Um, let’s see.

Okay. This person says this might be like a hot take actually If I buy you a shower gift, I am not going to buy you a wedding gift I mean,

Serena: I don’t even know why That’s like, like making that a thing, like then don’t, like, I don’t know, like people do or don’t bring gifts to weddings all the time, right?

Dominic: Like I invited the shower. I’m not inviting you to the wedding.

Christa Innis: I know. I think I would personally be like, then I’m just not going to go to the shower.

Like if I don’t want to. Gifts. Like, cause I don’t feel right about going to a shower and not bringing something or going to a wedding and not giving a gift. I feel like it’s two different events, but I get it. It’s a lot of money. It’s expensive. I don’t

Serena: now. Just like in my mind, if I had a certain budget that I could spend on their gifts, I would just get something that like one for each split, you know what I mean?

And like, or, or just put a card in the card box for them at the wedding. Just the sentiment is the

Dominic: The person knew how much. Weddings cost. They would be like, okay, well, I’ll give you a glass of wine at the shower, but you can’t drink anything at the wedding. You know how much money, or in your meal, I mean, everybody has a dollar sign on their head that it tends and it is steep, right?

I’d pay for that chair you’re sitting in, by the way.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What I don’t get is like when people act like they, if they’re invited to something, they have to go and they have to spend this money. Like I saw someone say, Oh, destination weddings are so selfish. And it’s like, If you’re invited, you don’t have to go.

Serena: Yeah, absolutely. It’s not about you. Right. Like this is what the couple has chosen to do and you are invited, which means you can decline.

Dominic: Yeah, absolutely. Give your opinions.

Serena: Make it feel bad for having a desk. I’ll

Dominic: give you my response with a heavy dose of guilt.

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on.

It was so fun meeting you guys and chatting with you. You guys have a lot of great stories and hot takes. Um, if you guys can just again, share where people can find you on social media, all your great content and, um, anything up and coming for you guys.

Serena: Yeah for sure. so on TikTok, we are a wedding duo on Instagram.

We are at the dot wedding duo you can find us, our Website is the wedding duo. co not. com gets really confusing with that. We do have our new membership for engaged couples that is available through our website, which is where we share exclusive videos and lessons on all things weddings. We go live inside the membership.

Dominic: It’s really, if you’re a DIY bride, download the app and join our membership. It’ll be really good. We have a podcast too.

Serena: We do. Awesome. It’s not as fun as yours. I mean, it’s informative, but yours is just, it’s fun.

Dominic: We have

Serena: fun. It’s so much fun chatting with you. So, yes.

Christa Innis: This is awesome. Well, yeah, like I said, I love your guys content and I was always seeing it on Instagram and I was like, they would be perfect to come on and chat with because you guys are in the industry, you know, what’s up, you’ve got those stories, so thank you so much again for coming on.

It was so great. And, uh, I can’t wait to share. Woohoo.

Dominic: Fabulous. It was good. Let

Christa Innis: I just stopped this. If I can remember.

by Christa Innis

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