relationship boundaries

Am I the Bridezilla? Drama at a Funeral and Reception Interrogations

“Am I still the most important woman in your life?”

In this week’s jaw-dropping submission, I dive into a bride’s story of boundary-crossing chaos that exploded during wedding week, from hospital drama and rehearsal dinner meltdowns to ceremony-day tantrums and reception sabotage. This MIL is all about being the “most important woman” in her son’s life, and trust me, it’s WILD.

I react in real time, call out the red flags, and give my unfiltered advice on how to protect your peace and set boundaries.

Plus, don’t forget to enter the anniversary giveaway! Subscribe to the HCTD podcast and YouTube channel, drop a comment saying “entered” on this episode, and you could win. Buckle up, this one’s a long ride.

Here are the winners from the last giveaway:
@charlynestyles
@itsjhonagurl
@partisgoingsomewhere
@alliyahdennisse

JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Anniversary Giveaway Celebration – I kick things off by celebrating one year of Here Comes The Drama and share how you can enter to win gift cards.
“Am I Being a Bridezilla?” Dilemma – A bride reached out asking if she was being controlling as her bridesmaids pushed back on dresses, budgets, and bachelorette party expectations. I break it all down.
Bachelorette Budget Blowups – Money tension flares when expectations weren’t clearly communicated. I weigh in on fairness, financial boundaries, and how to handle these sticky situations.
Hair & Makeup Control Debate – I get real about when it’s reasonable to set appearance guidelines for your bridal party… and when it’s straight-up micromanaging.
Mother-in-Law Wedding Horror Story – A jaw-dropping submission shows years of boundary violations that spiral into full-blown chaos during wedding week.
The “Most Important Woman” Moment – At a funeral lunch, the MIL asks the groom if she’s still the most important woman in his life. I break down why this is a huge red flag and how to handle it.
Wedding Day Meltdowns – From rehearsal dinner drama to groom suite invasions and family photo hijacking, I walk through the wedding-day disasters and what could’ve been done differently.
Boundary Advice & Protecting Your Peace – I close the episode with actionable advice on standing up for your partner, setting limits with toxic relatives, and keeping your emotional well-being front and center.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you’re agreeing to the bride’s vision.”
“Communication would’ve saved about 80% of this wedding stress.”
“Your wedding gifts are gifts — not emotional leverage.”
“You don’t get unlimited access to someone’s life just because you share DNA.”
“If someone is competing with their child’s spouse, that’s not love, that’s control.”
“Protecting your peace is more important than keeping toxic people comfortable.”
“Your wedding is not the place for someone else’s emotional meltdown.”
“Being family doesn’t excuse toxic behavior.”

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. Thanks for being here. If it’s your first time, welcome, you are in for a drama filled episode as always,

But this week we have two long stories because we have our regular follower submission at the very end. But in the beginning we have a wedding dilemma and typically those are shorter segments where people just wanna get some quick advice for something that’s going on right now with their wedding planning or event planning.

But this one’s a little bit longer, but I decided it was a good podcast story to take on. you guys will see why, but I thought it was a good one to discuss on here. Before we dive into that, our new year giveaway has ended. So we did a new year giveaway, just to give back to you guys.

I’m excited for what’s to come this year with the podcast. so the names of our four winners have been announced on social media and then there’ll also be in our show notes below. So make sure you check down below. If you shared the podcast in any way to enter, you might be one of the winners.

Anniversary Giveaway Celebration

Now don’t worry if you missed the giveaway. If you didn’t enter or you didn’t win because we currently have our anniversary giveaway going on. that was kind of bad planning on my part, but maybe it’s good planning ’cause there’s extra winners now. So one winner will get a $150 Visa gift card, and two listeners will win a $25 Amazon gift card.

And to enter, just make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and then comment, enter on this video, for the episode. So if you guys aren’t aware, all of our podcast episodes are also put on YouTube in full video. and if you just comment below, enter just needs to be in your, comment at some point so you can say, Hey, I love the color purple, my favorite food spaghetti.

That bride was crazy. And then just put entered at some point. winners will be announced on March 12th, and we will reach out to you directly, and kind of let you know the next steps to claim your prize. And of course, just to cover all my bases, I just wanna say the giveaway is not affiliated with or sponsored by YouTube, apple Podcast, Spotify, Amazon, or this is just purely outta the kindness of my heart.

No, but, just a way to give back to you guys. We’ve had an amazing year of episodes and I just can’t believe it’s already been the first year. I’m just blown away by your support and your excitement. and it just makes my day. So thank you guys so much for being here with me and listening to the episode.

Today I am drinking coffee out of my wicked mug. If you guys don’t know, if you don’t follow me on socials or see my stories on Instagram, I think I update stories a little bit more on Instagram, but you’ll see me post about my mugs. my husband got me this for Christmas this year. It’s so cute. If you’re watching the video, you can see it, but it’s like wicked.

It’s alpha on one side and Glenda on the other as I splash. Coffee in my eye. Yeah. Um, okay. Anyway, if I’m not waking up by drinking this coffee, it’ll surely wake me up by splashing it in my eye. Anyway, that was interesting.

Wedding Dilemma Begins: “Am I Being a Bridezilla?”

Okay, let’s get into the episode. Um, okay. We’re gonna start with the wedding dilemma and the title of it.

If this doesn’t pull you in, I don’t know what will is. Am I being a bridezilla? So I thought this was interesting. I have not read through the whole thing. I did a quick little glance and I was like, Ooh, this is a podcast one. Let’s get into it. Okay. So this is a long dilemma, like I said. So we’re gonna dive into some different parts of this.

I am gonna pause at certain parts because I feel like if I wait completely to the end to respond, I’m gonna forget many of my points and I’m gonna forget what happens. So let’s dive into this together. All right. She says. All right, so I need some advice on wedding planning.

I’m getting married in 2026. I have three bridesmaids, including my maid of honor. My maid of honor is my sister. Let’s call her Anna Bridesmaid. One is Sarah and bridesmaid two is Laura. During the bridesmaids dinner, when I asked the girls to be in my bridal party, they immediately asked about dresses and if I’d been looking yet.

I told them yes and showed them what my maid of honor would be wearing. I’ll attach the photos later. They said it was beautiful and would look great on Anna. Okay, so they liked the maid of honor dress. Then they asked what their dresses would look like, so I showed them an option for the bridesmaid dresses.

Sarah completely freaked out. She told me the dress wasn’t beautiful, that it was ugly, and that it would make her look like a nun. She said she would feel uncomfortable in it and wanted to keep looking, okay, I’m gonna pause there before knowing anything. I would never react in that way. If, the bride came to me and said, what’s your opinion?

Do you like this dress? I could be like, you know what? It’s not my favorite. That’s not my style. I don’t like blank about the dress, but if it was me that said, Hey, have you started looking? And she showed me a dress and was like, here, this is what I’m kind of thinking. I’m not gonna be like, oh, I hate it.

That’s disgusting. I would look like a nun. I’d feel blah, blah, blah. And you need to keep looking like. When you are agreeing to be a bridesmaid, you have to agree to their vision, right? Yes. We don’t want you to be uncomfortable. You should wear something that makes you feel comfortable. you don’t want like a super tight dress where you can’t walk in or you don’t want something that’s gonna show cleavage if you don’t feel comfortable in that, right?

it’s about what you are comfortable in. Yes. But ultimately you are agreeing to fit the vision for the wedding. So there’s a little bit of push and pull here. okay, so she says two days later I came up with two more dress options and showed them to the bridesmaids. So now that you’re giving them options, now you’re kind of agreeing to let them give their full opinion when you are a bride and you’re like, this is the option.

This is what we’re doing. They kind have less wiggle room. if you’re like, I haven’t really decided yet, so tell me what you like. Then you’re letting them give their opinions. Laura said she didn’t love any of the dresses, but she loved me enough to wear them for the day. She said it might not be her style, but it’s ultimately my wedding for the day.

That is the right response. That is the right response. ‘ cause let me tell you, I’ve been in tons of weddings. some I loved some, I absolutely adored and loved some. I was like, nah, I don’t think there were any at the time of wearing them that I completely hated. Looking back, I’m like, whoa, what were we doing?

But it was probably more the style. at the time of wearing them, I don’t think any of ’em I hated. but again, it’s what you kind of agreed to as being a bridesmaid. That being said, and I’ve talked about this before too, I’ve been in some weddings where the bride had no clue what she wanted.

She didn’t know the color or the style. So we all went blindly to a shop together and we kind of chose together. was it always peaceful or was it always unanimous? No, many times it was picking favorites or it was whoever’s voice was the loudest or it was voting. Right. Those are more tricky because you’re getting so many opinions.

And that’s my one piece of advice I would say to brides is before you talk to your bridesmaids, have an idea of what you want, the color, the general style, maybe a couple places, because when you don’t have an idea and you open it up to all these opinions, then it looks like you’re picking favorites.

Right. And then you have to be the. Mean person and say, no, no, no. so that’s my advice is before asking, say, these are the dresses, right? Like for me, and I’ve talked about this before, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself, but for me, I knew I liked Birdy Grey. Again, not sponsored, I’ve just worn them for so many weddings.

I liked Birdy Grey. I liked that you could order them online. I liked that it was all under a hundred dollars. So I said, I like all the mauve versions. I don’t care if you get light mauve, medium mauve, dark mauve, there’s even a patterned one. I was like, any of those are fine. Any style dress in the mauve family. So I knew this before even telling any of my bridesmaids.

Now again, if one of my bridesmaids came to me and said, ah, I hate the color mauve, I, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I guess it just depends on the situation. it looked great on everyone. And generally I think everyone liked their dress. So it gets tricky when you kind of open people up to that.

Right. Um, okay. Sarah, however, so this is bridesmaid one said the dress was absolutely hideous and that she would not wear it. She insisted we needed to keep looking. So now I have a problem with Sarah. Okay. I get, again, being, wanting to be comfortable in a dress, but to go off the deep end and say the dress is hideous.

We need to keep looking. It’s not your day girlfriend. Like the bride has an idea. She’s now shown you three different dresses. I think you just need to say, like, suck it up and say you’re gonna, do it for her wedding day because this is supposed to be like one of her best friends, right. After that dinner, Sarah called both Laura and my sister Anna, and tried to convince them that the dress I chose wasn’t a good option.

She wanted them to join her in pushing me to keep looking and convince me to change my mind. So she realizes the other two are easier to like get along with. So she’s like, okay, if I can convince them to tell her, then she’ll change the dress. Sorry that I keep touching my hair if anyone’s watching.

Someone commented once, like, can you not touch your hair? And I’m like, I wish. I don’t even realize I’m doing it sometimes. So sorry. anyway, so I sat the girls down and asked them what kind of dress they were hoping for. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now you’re giving them full reins. Now you’re giving them full reins.

And maybe this is the type A, I don’t know if I was a Type A bride, I probably was, I don’t know, type A B, I think I was B. I think I was a type B in some ways. Now you’re opening up all the opinions. So like, doesn’t matter what you say, they’re gonna tell you what they want. I was asking what kind of dress they were hoping for because the options I chose were normal bridesmaid dresses.

Sarah told me she wanted a dress where she could show more cleavage. She wanted it short and tight, and if it was long, she wanted it very tight. Okay.

I have no issues with a tight dress. Obviously it’s up to the bride. Right. But you want it short and tight. Typically, a bridesmaid dress is gonna be floor length. I’ve worn a lot of jumpsuits in weddings, floor length. even as a guest at a wedding, I’m not wearing a super short dress. I think maybe a couple times I have shorter.

It just depends. Everyone has their own, whatever they’re comfortable in, right? But to specifically say the bride, I want a short and tight dress. I want my cleavage showing.

Do it outta your wedding. She says, I’ve tried explaining to her, my family is very conservative and I’m trying to choose something that fits the vibe and is appropriate for the wedding. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a short, tight dress. again, when you are a bridesmaid and you are agreeing to be a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding, you are fitting their vision.

You are fitting what they want for the wedding, right? You don’t get to just pick a short and tight dress for the club because you wanna look hot up there. everyone deserves to look beautiful and great. But again, we have to kind of fit what we agreed. We agreed to be in someone else’s wedding.

It’s not your wedding.

Bridesmaid Behavior + Bachelorette Budget Chaos

All right, fast forward to planning the bachelorette party. we started sending prices in the group chat to make sure everyone could afford the trip and the activities we were discussing. Everyone agreed the prices were reasonable and we were planning to have our money in by the deposit date.

I’m guessing for like an Airbnb or something. But Sarah waited until two weeks before the deposit date was due to tell me she wouldn’t have her money until the week before the trip. She also expected me to cover her cost, even though I’m the bride. So this is a two part thing. So she waited to say she didn’t have the money, or she wouldn’t have it until a week before, but then she expected the bride to cover her cost.

So what does her not having the money have anything to do with it? If she thinks this whole time the bride’s gonna cover her cost, that’s where I’m kind of lost and confused. This is something that has to be established before all of this. You need to make it clear. ‘ cause like I said, pretty much all the bachelorette parties I’ve been a part of, we pay for the bride.

All the girls split it, so we don’t want the bride to have to pay for her own drinks or all this, but you gotta talk to your people, right? If it’s just the four of them, that can be pretty expensive, right? Whereas if you have 10 girls and you evenly split it, then they’re all not paying as much. Right. so I don’t know if there’s other people there as well.

She said when I told her normally everyone pays for their own way to the bachelorette party and the bridesmaids split the cost for the bride. She flipped out. Why is the bridesmaid just finding out about this? Because if she’s never been in a wedding before, I can’t really blame her for not knowing. And again, this is gonna differ for different friend groups.

For where you’re located country-wise, where in US or otherwise? it’s different. My friend group, like when we even go out for a birthday dinner, we’re not letting the birthday person pay birthday person birthday girl. We are splitting it. The three friends that came, we’re gonna split their meal.

That’s just how our friend group is. We do a bachelorette party trip. I’ve been on bachelorette party trips where there’s five girls. I’ve been on bachelorette parties where there’s 30 girls. get into that another time. 30 women I should say. And that was probably my first, no, that’s why my second bachelorette party and I planned the whole thing with two other people and that was probably the most stressful thing I ever planned.

But anyway, when you do that, when you have different amounts of people, it’s going to differ. But anyway, you need to let people know all of those. We always paid for the bride. We split it all. We did not want the bride paying for drinks, how to get there. any of that. My own bachelorette party, I think I was able to sneak in one round of drinks for my friends, but other than that, they took care of everything for me.

That again, you should never, as the bride, you should never assume that they’re going to pay for you, especially if you’re flying somewhere. Like you need to know your friend’s budgets. when I went on these more expensive bachelorette party trips, I was already like, mm, somewhere late twenties, somewhere.

Early thirties. Yeah. Late twenties, early thirties were the more expensive ones where I could afford a little bit more. Right. if I were in my early twenties, I don’t think I’d be able to afford these longer, longer trips. So you really have to know your audience. You have to know if they can afford it, and we can’t get mad at people when they say they can’t afford it.

She said she wouldn’t be able to afford it and that my wedding was costing her around a thousand dollars, which wasn’t fair. Full stop before I keep going and I know some people don’t like when I keep stopping, but there’s a lot to say about this. That’s a lot of money to a lot of people. A thousand dollars to put into a wedding is a lot.

And she is now communicating to you, I can’t afford this. So at it’s our job at that point as the bride to say, do we need to tone back the bachelorette party? Can I help cover some of her? I don’t think it’s completely like black and white. I don’t think it’s like, well, she’s a bridesmaid so she has to pay her way.

I’ve talked about this before. When I was a bridesmaid, I had a couple bridesmaids reach out to me, or it was a maid of honor. I had a couple bridesmaids reach out to me and say, I don’t think I can afford this. and it was a local one ’cause they had other bachelorette parties, they had other vacations planned and I said, what can you afford?

I’ll cover the rest. I said, maybe don’t come one of the nights. maybe, we’ll, let me see what discount I can get at the hotel. So I tried as the maid of honor to do other things. Okay, so she says, what I wanna point out is that I, the bride have already purchased a lot for them, including their wedding shoes, their jewelry, the pajamas we get ready in.

All the bachelorette party favors, all the decorations. Okay? This is where I’m gonna get, like think I am a against the bride in this, You purchasing bachelorette party decorations and favors is not their problem. That is a gift, Pajamas for them to get ready in is not their problem. That is also a gift.

I got gifts for my bridesmaids. I would never be like, I did this for you, so you owe me, you can spend more money at my bachelorette party because I did this for you. No, those were gifts. You don’t need matching pajamas. You don’t need bachelorette party favors and you don’t need decorations. Are they great?

Are they nice? Yes. Did I have ’em at mine? Yes. Did I have them at most of the perpetual art parties I went to? Yes, absolutely. But it’s not the bridesmaids problem if you spent more Right? That does not take away from the fact that she is still spending around a thousand dollars to be a a part of your wedding.

I absolutely don’t think you are the bridezilla, when it comes to the dress situation. So far what I’ve read, but this part, if she’s coming to you and saying, I can’t afford it, she have waited until two weeks before? Of course not. But it seems like there’s some communication issue between the two of you guys.

She didn’t realize that she was expected to cover her way, and also that you were expecting all the bridesmaids to chip in and pay for her. So this needs to be established. She said, I’m also basically planning my own bachelorette party because my maid of honor lives in Miami and won’t be there for the first night.

During all of this, Sarah and Laura also texted in the bachelorette group chat that they wanted to go skydiving, which would be $359 per person. Okay. I might have to take back some of what I said, but at the same time, they didn’t have enough money to pay for the trip deposit on time, so now wait. So they both didn’t have enough money, and they said they couldn’t even put aside $10 for one of my meals because the stress is becoming so overwhelming.

I eventually stopped bringing up the bachelorette party bridesmaids dresses and other wedding related details. Here’s the thing, if I was hearing from multiple people in my wedding party, they couldn’t afford the deposit or they couldn’t afford certain things, I would tone it back. I don’t know if they’re flying anywhere.

I don’t know if they’re renting a house, but it sounds like, okay, maid of honor can’t make it there the first night. Maybe we just take out the first night. Maybe we make it two nights instead of three or whatever they’re doing. Right. Maybe we take out something, let’s work together to see how we can make it work.

I am typically, the bride is not involved in planning, but it sounds like, I’m not hearing any of their names or any of their bridesmaids. So it sounds like it’s just the four of them. So I get why she’s very involved. but there’s again, a lot of communication. Um, it’s hard. It’s, it’s like we have to remember when people are going to our bachelorette, they’re also taking off vacation days.

They’re taking time away from their families. They’re spending money away, so they also are gonna wanna do things they enjoy. This is where I think. Bridesmaids plan away from the bride and then they surprise you. But we also need to, work together on the budget. Okay, guys, this is still going.

Hair & Makeup Debate

There’s, there’s a lot. There’s a lot going on. So I’m saying like this is the longest dilemma, but I feel like it was one that really needed to be discussed. Okay. Later hair and makeup came up. The bridesmaids asked if I was going to pay for them to get their hair and makeup done. I told them no. If they would like to hire the makeup artist, they are welcome to pay for it themselves, but I won’t be paying for everyone.

I told them I want the bridesmaids to have minimal makeup and curled hair while I, the bride will have more extravagant makeup and hair. When I explained this to Sarah, she told me she wanted to do her own hair however she wanted, and wear her makeup however she wanted. I understand. Wanting to feel comfortable and I’m.

Really not trying to be selfish, but at the same time, it’s my wedding. All right? I need a sip of coffee for this one.

I’m not gonna lie in reading this alone, I kept moving side to side of like whose side or whose team I was on. Okay? First and foremost, if you are not requiring hair and makeup to be done, you do not have to pay for it as the bride. this is my own personal take. You do not need to pay for it. If you are saying everyone needs their hair and makeup done, you should be paying for it.

I recommend brides, even if they’re not gonna be paying for everyone to get their hair and makeup done. Reach out to all your brides and bridesmaids and groomsmen, whoever would want hair and makeup, whatever parents. See who all wants it. Done. If you have a good chunk of people that want it done, you should hire a makeup artist and a hair person.

That’s not saying you’re paying for it, but that’s saying you have someone there on site. if you’re not requiring it and no one wants to pay for it, then they should be able to do it themselves how they want to. if you are telling them a certain way to do their hair and their makeup, you should be paying for it.

I don’t know. Is that a hot take? Because now you’re telling them that they have to either tone it down or tone it up from what they normally do. Maybe they don’t know how to curl their hair, so they need someone hired. So you’re telling them You want it a specific way. So I think in that case in point, you should probably pay for it.

Sarah is saying, I’m willing to do my hair and makeup, but I wanna do it how I’m comfortable doing it. I’m sorry, I’m with Sarah in this moment. If I’m a part of a wedding and I’m being told, Hey, you have to do your hair this way and your makeup this way, I’ll try my best. Sure. I’m not gonna be like rude about it, but, everyone has their own like talents and how they’re comfortable with doing hair and makeup, so I kind of go back and forth on this one.

I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla of course, but I don’t think we can control too much about how people do their hair and makeup. You can say like, oh, I don’t want bright red lipstick. Sure. but to say minimal makeup. Then you get extravagant. it’s kinda lost on me. ‘ cause I think you should want your bridesmaid to look just as beautiful.

Have them do full glam if they want, have them do their hair how they want. It’s not like she’s, I mean, maybe she is, but it’s not like she’s trying to like do space buns with like, glitter all over it. I mean, I’m sure, hopefully not, but unless that’s her vibe. so I get having some, hey, like, I really want everyone to do an updo.

Sure. I really want everyone to do loose curls. Okay, sure. But when you get too specific about what everyone should look like, that’s when I gets kind of lost on me. Okay. Next one. This is the last little issue. About a week later, the dress conversation came back up again. Sarah told me her budget for the dress and her daughter’s dress is $200 total.

I guess her daughter’s in the wedding or coming to the wedding. This is the first I’m hearing of the daughter. Her daughter’s dress is $35, meaning the remaining budget for her own dress would be around 165. The dress I found for her is $90. She told me it was too expensive, so I showed her another option for 65, but she said there was quote, no way in hell she would wear that dress to my wedding because it would make her uncomfortable.

So I’m guessing that was the first one. Sarah has been my best friend for seven years, but at this point I don’t know what to do. Wouldn’t a best friend be willing to wear a dress for six hours for my wedding, even if it’s not their favorite style Or am I being extra and selfish?

Also, am I being selfish about the hair and makeup expectations? Is that me being too controlling? it’s not that I’m worried she’s going to take the spotlight, but Sarah likes being the center of attention and the day isn’t about her. Do I sound selfish? Am I being a bridezilla?

All right. So obviously I’ve shared my points throughout this, but let me do the dress budget thing. this is gonna depend if Sarah’s daughter is in the wedding as the bride, I would be paying for the daughter’s dress. We paid for any of the kids that were in our wedding, we paid for them. if not, I mean, you can say your budget is a certain amount, but if like you wanna stick a little bit lower, that’s her own choice.

Right. Okay. So let me ask, answer your questions. Wouldn’t a best friend be willing to wear a dress for six hours for my wedding, even if it’s not their favorite style? Yes, absolutely. You are not being extra or selfish about that. I think you need to tell ’em straight up, this is the dress I chose, wear it or don’t.

I don’t know. I would wear it for my best friends. They could tell me to put on a brown paper bag and I would wear it, because it’s their day, right? So, I don’t know. I do not think you’re being extra selfish or bridezilla for that. Am I being selfish about the hair and makeup expectations? Is that me being too controlling?

I would say yes a little bit. I think you are being a little too controlling about that. Like I said, if you are hiring a makeup artist and paying for it, then you can control how the hair and makeup is done. If you are hiring a makeup artist and they are paying for it, or they are doing it themselves, you gotta just let them do it.

That is my own personal opinion. someone else may have a different one, but I think you’ve gotta let them do what they’re gonna do. You can again, give guidelines, but that’s it. she says, it’s not that I’m worried she’s gonna take the spotlight, but Sarah lives being the center of attention.

Here is my problem about that statement. You already see an issue here. Why are we worried our friend is going to take attention away from us? It says, I’m not worried, but she likes being the center of attention.

No matter how she gets her hair and makeup done, she will not be the center of attention. And that’s not gonna add to it. Someone trying to be the center of attention is gonna be louder or, move around a certain way. I don’t know. Right? Trying to take away from you. And if you’re worried about that, she’s probably already not a good friend to you.

‘ cause most friends are gonna wanna lift you up. Either supporting you, help you in any way, right? allowing her to do her hair and makeup, how she wants it to. Giving her full glam how she wants it to, that’s not going to take away from you. Everyone’s gonna know you’re the bride. So I would say pull back the reins a little bit on that.

Let them do what they want, but be more firm with the dresses. Say the next time the dresses come up, say, okay, you know what, gimme a week guys. I’m gonna finalize it and then I will let you know what dress we need to order, okay? and just be clear on that. Now, I think the wedding is coming up pretty soon, so if you haven’t already ordered the dresses, you’re probably gonna wanna order them soon.

I will message you that, because by the time this comes out, it might be a little bit closer to the date. I think it’s gonna come out a month from recording this. So I’m gonna let you know my points directly. I would be very clear, all right, I looked over all these dresses, this is what I decided.

Because right now you’re giving them too many options and you’re allowing them to give their opinions. So if you don’t want them to give their opinions, tell them this is the option. here’s the website you can choose from A, B, or C. By next week. Let me know what you picked. If by next week they haven’t picked the dress, or they haven’t ordered the dress, you say like, Hey, we need to order it by this date.

Do you still wanna be a part of this wedding? then let them know. And for anyone listening now, that is like in these beginning stages of planning their wedding, communication, communication, communication. In the very beginning when you ask to be a part of the wedding, tell them what the expectations are.

Say hi. Just letting you guys know. we are gonna have a bachelorette party. Typically, that means like bridesmaids cover it. Please let me know your budget. we can talk about it, at a later date, but I just wanna make sure like you guys know, this is the expectation. It’s really important to be clear.

especially when friends are from different groups, they might all do it differently, and I don’t think it should ever be an expectation without communicating that they’re gonna pay for you. For me personally, it was more important that a certain friend could make it to my bachelorette party or to my wedding than being able to afford something.

So if someone came to me and they were like, I can’t afford to get my dress, I’d be like, well, Can I pay for it? How can I help? And again, your gifts that you got, the bridesmaids as extra or the bachelorette party decorations or gift bags. Has nothing to do with their own personal budget.

That’s something extra that you wanted to give them as a gift. So that has to remain as a gift. That’s not a string attached. All right. I hope that helps. I know that was a lot, but I really hope that helps and I hope you guys have an amazing rest of your wedding experience and wedding planning. And, I’ll be sure to reach out my direct comments to you, she did send me pictures of the dresses, but for her own privacy, I’m not gonna share them on here because I don’t want her, bridesmaids to know.

but yeah, that’s my own personal take. I mean, looking at the dresses myself, I think they look, yeah, maybe they’re a little more conservative, but I don’t see anything wrong with them. I think they’re perfectly acceptable and beautiful dresses. and.

I take that back. No, they’re gorgeous dresses. I would absolutely wear these as a bridesmaid. the first one looks a little more conservative, but I think it’s still gorgeous. It’s very cute. It’s without showing the picture. It’s like an off the shoulder. sure it’s up a little higher, but it’s off the shoulder, which is sexy.

and it’s a perfectly good length. It’s like a little longer. The other one is off the shoulder and shows a little leg. So totally sexy. Totally a cute dress. I think I would wear it. So there’s that. Again, I’m not the end all be all when it comes to, Opinions and dresses. That’s just my own personal opinion.

All right, guys, that was just the wedding dilemma. We’ve still got a lot more drama to dive into. All right. Again, if you have a wedding 911 or a wedding dilemma you want me to, talk about on the podcast, which I do these on my solo episodes, you can email me at hello@christainnis.com. Use the subject line wedding 911.

Would You Rather: Wedding Edition

All right. Before we get to this week’s line reaction, we’re gonna do a little would you rather,

all right. Would you rather a relative live stream, your ceremony or post unapproved photos immediately? as long as it’s after the ceremony. I would say post unapproved photos. I don’t need to approve every photo livestream. The ceremony feels a little invasive to me because if you weren’t invited to be a part of the ceremony, I don’t want everybody seeing that, and I don’t know where that is or that is on Facebook.

Do people live stream weddings on Facebook? No. No, thank you. would you rather be guilt tripped into inviting someone or deal with the fallout for not inviting them? Deal with the fallout if they were not on my original list to invite, that’s because they weren’t close enough to me. Oh. I would will say a couple years later, I do have some regrets of people I did not invite, but no one ever guilt tripped me for inviting them or not.

I just thought about it later and I was like, I kinda wish I would’ve invited them. But what can you now, okay. Would you rather have an empty dance floor or dance floor chaos with injuries? Ooh, what kind of injuries are we talking about? I hate an empty dance floor. I despise an empty dance floor.

Why have a dance floor if no one is on it? The best weddings I’ve ever been to is when there’s a packed dance floor. Maybe some people fall. I don’t know. We got heels on, so that’s why you take ’em off. I’m gonna say injuries, praying and hoping they are minor injuries. Like maybe someone just falls in their butt and they have to like sit down and sit out for a little bit.

Empty dance floor. No thank you. I don’t wanna be to an event where there’s an empty dance floor. when my husband and I went to our first wedding together, I knew he was the one because no, this is just me being, funny. my family, when we were at weddings, we were all on the dance floor all night long.

You can see my mom, my parents are on the dance floor. my cousin, like we aunts and uncles, we are all on the dance floor. So, when I went to the first wedding with my husband and his family, they were the same way. I was like, yes, I have a fun. Fun in-law, like family to go into at that point we’d only been dating like six months, so I wasn’t thinking about weddings yet, but, you need a crowded dance floor.

Anyway, that was a long side story. Would you rather seat exes together or seat feuding relatives together?

This sounds like a familiar one I did before, but whatever. I think I’d rather seat exes together because I think in general, and this might be just my own perspective, i think relatives that are feuding goes a little bit deeper, right? That’s gonna hurt a little bit more. Someone knows how to get under their skin.

Exes. I think it goes one of two ways. They either know how to completely ignore each other at that point ’cause they’re just done. or they can just like banter and just be like, you’re an idiot. I don’t know. Or if you read enough romance, comedy, romantic comedy books, maybe they’ll just vibe that night and have like a little, little fling for the night.

Okay. Would you rather a guest bring someone you hate or not show up at all? Not show up at all. I don’t want someone I hate at my wedding. Would you rather have people RUP yes and not show or RUP no and show up?

Professionally speaking, I would say yes and not show up. But as a bride, if it’s someone I invited that I was like kind of bummed that they weren’t coming and then they just showed up, I’d be like, oh my God, you’re here. What a nice surprise. After the fact, after we eat dinner and stuff, would you rather cut decor or cut the open bar?

Cut decor. We need the open bar. Thank you. Would you rather go cheap on flowers or go cheap on food? Cheap on flowers. I used a friend’s, I don’t know, silk flowers and they looked great. I would not go cheap on food, but we did go cheap or on food. I did not do a full plated thing that was like $200 a plate.

We did a taco buffet, taco bar, and then we had late night snack of pizza. Yes, and I got married in my thirties.

The Mother-in-Law Red Flags

All right, here we go guys. Who is ready? Holy macaroni. This is a long, all right, let’s get comfortable guys. Pour a glass of wine, get a cup of coffee, whatever time of day it is. Whatever you drink, buckle your seat belts.

Let’s dive in. Let me start by saying that overall the wedding was absolutely beautiful, truly something out of a storybook. I had an incredible support system that worked hard to keep almost all the chaos away from my husband and me on the day itself. We started dating about five years ago, and the very first time I met his mother, just one month into our relationship, she talked extensively about her pregnancy and about me eventually carrying his kids.

Whoa. One month in I’d be like, okay, it’s a little, a little much. That would’ve scared me away. It was a strange thing to say to someone you’ve just met, but it didn’t stop from there. She continued to bring it up every chance she got when we decided to move in together, she invited herself to stay with us for a week.

How, how does that happen a week? Who is not talking to her? Your husband is not telling her, no mom, this is ridiculous. Get out. How does that happen? That week caused so much chaos between my husband and me. That was their first place living together and she ruined it. Your first week living together is like so exciting, but also scary ’cause you’re like, okay, am I gonna learn these weird habits?

Are we gonna like mesh well? And then you’re like, this is like a fun, well at least for me it was, it was like a fun sleepover. I’m like, oh my gosh, we never have to leave. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. imagine if their mom was there. That would kill the vibe. Okay. Why did he say no? I have so many questions.

I ended up breaking down crying in a target parking lot because of her antics. Later that same evening, she had him crawling inside a trash compactor and refused to let us back into the car until he did it. What? For the next three years, it was an exhausting and toxic cycle. She terrorized my husband, my family, and me.

Eventually we bought our home and decided to host Thanksgiving instead of splitting the holidays among four sets of divorced parents. Both of our parents are divorced, but only mine get along something his mother despises and frequently comments on because she can’t do it herself.

Oh my gosh. I still have so many questions about that first week of her just moving in and welcoming herself. Why did your husband not say anything? I’m just very like my space kind of thing. So like when I invite people, I want more the merrier. I love combining friends and groups. Like just all come one, come on and come all, but don’t show up unannounced.

And don’t expect you can like, make, stay and don’t extend that. Stay. Like if you ask me, I’m like, yeah, we’re, I’m more than willing to help. But like when I read stuff like that, I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s terrible. The first Thanksgiving was manageable despite a few fits. A year later, we decided to host again.

This time we were engaged. The FaceTime call to tell her about the engagement was memorable. So was the mom not at. Oh, she was saying she FaceTimed before this. Okay. She spent the entire call showing us the shoes she had picked out for the wedding, and repeatedly saying that she was the first to know he was going to propose.

In reality, I was with him when we picked out and bought the ring and he called my parents first to ask for their permission, then his dad and finally his mom to let her know he was planning to propose. He proposed in May and by Thanksgiving we already had the venue dress photographer and possibly catering booked.

You go girl. When Thanksgiving rolled around, she arrived in a foul mood, furious that my parents were already there and complaining that she wanted alone time with us. We had explicitly told her a month prior that Thanksgiving would be a family affair, and that if she wanted alone time, she should come by after the holiday.

Completely respectable. Completely normal. She has a huge fear of missing out and insisted on coming anyway, and then demanded alone time. Once she arrived to accommodate her, I took my parents to visit the wedding venue the next day so she could spend alone time with her son. Despite this, she spent the entire week throwing tantrums, so she stayed with them again a week for Thanksgiving.

What’s going on here? On Thanksgiving Day, she packed her bags and threatened to leave. The following day, she attacked my mother so badly that my parents ended up getting in their car and leaving shees. Once my parents were gone, we sat down and had a long conversation agreeing to a clean slate and a fresh start.

Ooh. Despite finally having alone time, she claimed to want to move her flight up an entire day and left early after that, unless we reached out. There was complete radio silence until her husband went to the hospital and had his leg amputated. Wow. Okay. We flew out as soon as we could, but by then he was in hospice and she was actively planning his funeral while sitting beside him.

Wait, I wanna pause for a second before I get into that. Why was she so mad about Thanksgiving? They said it was a family thing, but she wanted alone time, but she refused to come early or stay late, so then she wanted to leave early. I think I’m missing something here. Okay.

Back at the hospital. Now while we were there, so my husband could say goodbye to his stepfather, who played a huge role in his life. She brought friends into the room to question us about the wedding. What now is the time when her husband is dying? She brings friends to question you about your wedding.

We repeatedly told them this wasn’t the time or the place, but they wouldn’t stop. Who are these people she hired? Because I don’t believe this woman has friends that would do this. I mean, maybe, I don’t know, but that’s just so odd to me. He passed later that week and the funeral was scheduled for a month later at the service.

Countless people, many of whom my husband didn’t even know, came up to congratulate us and said they couldn’t wait to attend the wedding. What you do this like create a bulletin board or post it on Facebook and tell all her friends the date. This is wild.

She also invited his ex-girlfriend and her now husband to the funeral and spent most of her time with them. I thought she was gonna say she invited the ex-girlfriend to the wedding, but still, despite previously insisting they hadn’t spoken in years. That’s weird for the ex-girlfriend. Why are you showing up?

Like it’s good to pay your respects but also like maybe you can just like send a card to the mail, send flowers. I don’t know. We later found out they’d also been visiting the hospice, but only when we weren’t there at the lunch afterward. It was just us, his mother, his step sibling, and their spouse. his mother used that moment to ask my husband if she was still the most important woman in his life.

No. Why are we doing this? why are we doing this? Do you feel like there’s a competition between your son’s fiance, Lord have mercy. You are in two different brackets, not even in the same field. Why? Why? When he said no, that I was, she launched into attacking him. Don’t we want our kids to be happy?

This is just like mind blowing to me. When he told her it wasn’t the time or the place she turned on me. I told her the same thing. This wasn’t appropriate. We had already addressed things before and she was the one continuing the behavior. We got up and left. Good for you. That’s setting a boundary saying I’m not, I’m not gonna entertain this tantrum right now.

Wedding Week Meltdowns

Five months later, wedding week arrived. Oh my gosh. Or just already wedding week. I don’t know if I could invite someone like that, but again, I’ve never been in a position where I had a toxic parent or in-law like that, throws tantrums and asks their son if they’re the most important woman still in their life.

Her dress had already been a battle. She chose every color except the one we asked for. So she would match the family even after being told she stand out negatively. She ultimately chose a dress nearly identical to my bridesmaid.

See, and again, I don’t think there’s a problem. I don’t think most parents of the brighter groom would do that if you get along with them, if they have a similar color or style. I don’t think that’s a problem, but you can tell she probably did it. As a way to be like, look at me. I’m in the wedding party.

She and another family member spent the three days leading up to the wedding, calling and harassing my husband. why are they be invited still? I would have security out front. Have you seen this woman? She’s not allowed in here demanding alone time and more involvement. Why does she need to demand alone time?

If you need to demand alone time with anybody, you’re not, as important to them as you think. You don’t have to demand alone time. We had already offered them the rehearsal dinner at a sendoff brunch, but they complained they couldn’t afford it. We canceled the brunch and his father stepped in to plan and pay for the rehearsal.

At the rehearsal, they harassed my bridesmaid by repeatedly asking which groomsmen had been inside her.

What? This is so inappropriate.

This mom seems like a creep. I’m sorry. That is so weird to me. And we’re saying they, so it’s her and another family member. Who is this other family member? Is it a sister? Is it a uncle, a brother, a cousin. Like this is so weird and pestering her. Pestering the bridesmaid about who she should go home with.

It got so bad she moved tables, but they followed her and continued I’d be kicking ’em out during my father-in-law’s speech interruptions and shouting continued because they were upset. Certain people weren’t mentioned. That’s at the rehearsal Dinner. Lord have mercy. On the wedding day, she asked his family to arrive when the chapel opened and reserved front row seats.

So they’re there hours early putting their coats down. This is my seat. It’s reserved. His mother threw a fit when the usher offered to show her to her seat, shouting that she wasn’t being allowed to see her son. My mother stepped in, calmly to explain things, but his mother complained about sitting near her ex and demanded a different row.

Come on, if you can’t sit for 30 minutes during a ceremony, you shouldn’t be there. When my husband went to greet her before returning to get ready, she followed him into the groom suite and slammed the barn door so hard. She broke the shelves next to it. I was supposed to be escorted into that suite for lineup, but when the door opened, she was standing there.

I immediately turned around and went back to my room as I would too. This is insane. Holy cow. This is a grown toddler. This is what happens when people aren’t told no. When they’re kids, they become entitled, rude and mean adults that don’t understand boundaries. This is it. This is wild. The ceremony itself was beautiful.

During family photos, she repeatedly pulled my husband, wait, I wanna stop. The ceremony itself was beautiful. Okay. I’m glad she was able to like, hold her shit for a minute and not do anything wild. so we’re gonna pause on that. I’m really glad she, the bride in the groom were able to have a beautiful ceremony and enjoy themselves.

All right, back to the drama. During family photos, she repeatedly pulled my husband away from me, and the photographer had to stop her multiple times. She also followed the other family members demanding to be included in their photos and made an extremely inappropriate comment to one of them. where’s the line?

Because it’s been crossed so many times. It’s gotta be like, we’re at 20 times now. at what point do we kick someone out like this?this is literally just a energy sucker like this. She’s a vampire. She’s literally just taking all the positive vibes and energy outta the room. I feel so bad for couples that get married with someone like this because they’re quite literally taking all the joy outta the day.

Like, I’m glad they had their beautiful ceremony, but this woman is exhausting to just read about. I can’t even imagine having to witness her in person complaining about everything, making everything about herself. Nothing is good enough. she’s competing with the new wife. Like, come on.

Throughout the reception, she shot us dirty looks and interrogated guests about why they were invited when we were leaving, she approached me not to apologize, but to discuss gift logistics. Gift logistics. What does that mean? I told her it was a tomorrow problem and walked away. Early in our relationship, I had no backbone.

That changed after she attacked my mother. Since then, I had no issue standing up to her. I later learned she deliberately blocked doors during cleanup, refusing to help because she said she’d been told she wasn’t needed.

Post-Wedding Fallout and Boundary Advice

A few days later, I posted sneak peeks photos of my husband and me, my parents, my bridesmaids, and one with his dad.

The next morning, another family member sent my husband vicious messages saying we shouldn’t have invited them at all. We had debated revoking their imitations, but decided to give them one last chance.

So why is a family member sending the husband mean things, saying they shouldn’t have been invited?

Are we talking about the mom and her? Whatever family member is being awful. Okay. It’s been a month since the wedding and people are still telling me new stories about their behavior. Since those messages, we haven’t heard from them at all.

Okay. I don’t know who his other family member is. I’m guessing it’s the one that was like teaming up with the mom being rude to the bridesmaid. they were just saying, oh, we shouldn’t have been invited because she didn’t post pictures with them. That’s what I’m kind of getting from it. This was longer than I intended, but honestly it was cathartic.

There’s so much more that’s happened, but those were the major highlights, especially leading up to the wedding. Here’s hoping there’s a lot less contact by the time we try for kids. I would say no contact. I’m not a no contact person, obviously, like I can only speak from my own personal experience, I shouldn’t say I’m not a no contact person.

I believe if you and your gut are fully uncomfortable or people seem dangerous around you, or people are constantly putting you down and you don’t be around them, no contact, absolutely low or no contact. What I meant is like, I’m not always just telling people like, no contact, no contact. This story. If you are bringing kids into the mix, it’s only gonna get worse.

It’s gonna get 10 times worse because people like this feel like kids are not people. They feel like they also have more of a right to them because it’s their DNA, right? So it’s her son’s DNA in this child. So they feel like they have more of a right to them. I’ve heard so many horror stories about grandparents.

Again, I’m very lucky that my in-laws and my parents are not like this. so I’m gonna keep reiterating like I’m not speaking from personal experience. But before this, before what I do now, I worked for a mom and baby company and I managed a Facebook group of moms over 50,000 moms. And I would hear wild stories of how toxic in-laws or toxic parents would come in and say things to their grandkids.

They would try to show up at the hospital room. They would just be aggressive. So think all these things, but worse with kids. so I would definitely get on the same page with your husband. It sounds like he is now, but early on I’m like, why is he letting the mom stay with you guys for a week? What’s going on here?

and get on the same page about boundaries with kids. Okay? If we’re gonna have kids, are we gonna let people in the hospital room? Are we gonna let visitors come by the first couple weeks? Are we gonna let your mom watch the baby? I would say no. and you need to follow some accounts that are really good about showcasing this and showcasing boundaries.

But, hey, it’s Janelle Marie is a really good one. She talks about like toxic, in-laws when you have kids and like setting up those boundaries. But one thing that she said, I’m gonna butcher how she exactly said it, but she said something about, if you can’t respect me as a person, why should I allow my child near you?

Grandparents like that trying to get rights to the kids. And it’s like, well if you’re not gonna respect me, their mother or you talk badly about the mother, you have no access to this child. So hoping you guys are able to maybe even get therapy though, the two of you guys to kind of figure out what boundaries you need to set.

But I can say from personally, someone talking to me like this and acting this way on my wedding day would have very low, if not no contact with me. ‘ cause she just took all this joy. She cannot stand that you are more important to your husband than she is. And so she was seeing what she could do to take from that joy.

So the best thing to do. Show her how happy you guys are. Show that you pay no mind to her drama and keep that contact low, but your husband has to be on the same page because if you say no contact, and then he’s still sneaking off and seeing her. I don’t know if he was, I’m not trying to make stuff up, but that can cause an issue, right?

So you need to be on the same page, especially if you want to have kids together. Alright guys, that was a lot. If there’s updates, I’m gonna reach out to her and see if there’s any updates and we can kind of talk more about that. But you guys just, I cannot say this enough, get on the same page with your partner.

So many times I feel like it’s hard because when it is that person’s parent, they see them from a different viewpoint. but it also helps when their spouse or their partner is like, Hey, they acted this way towards me. They treated me this way because you now need to stand up for your partner. you chose to marry them, right?

So you need to. Stand up for that partner and set healthy boundaries. If someone keeps crossing the line, we don’t have to invite them to the wedding. she sounds very toxic, very hurtful. and just kind of gross. That’s gross behavior. That’s all I have to say about that. All right. Lemme know what you guys think in the comments.

All right, here we go. Now let’s get into some weekly confessions and then that’s all we got for you this week. this was a long episode you guys, I kinda lose track of when I started recording. Okay. Confessions, DIY confessions editions. What went wrong? What fell apart? What do you wish you hired out instead?

I remember the years of DIY weddings. I mean, I think they’re still kind of there, but I was a part of, and I helped with a lot of DIY weddings. Some were turned out great, some turned out actually absolutely beautiful. We were so exhausted by the actual wedding day. and you don’t always save a lot of money.

You think you’re gonna save a lot of money, but you don’t always. Alright. I did flowers for my brother. They were beautiful, but now I want to do more. Oh, that’s a good one. I love that. Hey, maybe you can start a side business. Maybe you should do that. If you enjoy doing flowers, so many brides would hire out for that.

the flowers that I borrowed from a friend, she, I think spent, I don’t know, we both were talking about like, she got married six months before me. Her quote was like four or $5,000 per flowers. My quote that I got was like three or four, and I was like, I just can’t. Uh, flowers are not that important to me.

So she made these silk flowers. She ordered silk flowers, and then she made the bouquets and they were gorgeous. I’ll try sharing a picture on social media at some point. never thought I would do fake flowers in a million years. in fact, when my mom brought up fake flowers, I rolled my eyes. I rolled my eyes, and now I’m eating my words because they turned out great and I saved $4,000.

So you should start a business. I let my sister be the dj. Our first dance had a short ad in the middle of the song. Yeah. I didn’t know.

ads played in the middle of the song. That’s when it’s worth, if you’re saving money on a dj, at least pay for ad free music.

Our DJ was the worst. He showed up an hour late and didn’t bring a microphone and played music like the Thriller. I don’t even like Michael Jackson. We should have just used a playlist. yeah. Was this actually a DJ or did you just find someone like on Craigslist? No offenses to Craigslist, DJs just saying, yeah, let’s make sure they’re in actual like business before hiring them.

I ended up looking like a zombie on my wedding day due to stress. This is what I was just talking about. I’ve done a couple of DIY weddings where it’s like all hands on deck. We’re up super early in the morning, super late at night. I was a bridesmaid for a couple of them. By the time the wedding comes, you are just exhausted and you wanna be in bed by 9:00 PM but it’s not possible.

So that was one thing, like when I got married, I was like, I don’t want my bridesmaid to feel like they’re working for me. I want them to be up there as like royalty, part of the squad, So that’s hard. You kind of have a, do your checks and balances of what’s most important for you.

Okay. last one made my own invitations. And looking back it looked hideous invitations. There’s such a span of invitations. I know people that spent thousands on invitations and I was like, that’s not my thing. You can literally go to Canva again, not sponsored. You can go to Canva and there’s like pre-designed ones and you can like change out names and stuff and just get them printed.

I think I did, uh, not Zola, Zola, Zola. You can order invitations through. I did that. They beautifully designed ones and you just kinda like type it in. And then I just moved stuff around. You can save money invitations and just do one of those. You can do Zazzle for invitations. I’ve done Zazzle for a lot of things.

yeah, you just have to like be really know your strengths and know your talents and then things that you’re not the best at either hire out, ask a friend for advice. There’s a lot of helpful things out there. It’s just a quick little Google search.

All right. That’s all we got for this week. Thank you guys for hanging out with me. I know this was a long episode, but you guys love the drama. I wanna know what your guys’ take is on the first episode or first story for sure. I mean, just gimme your take on everything, but especially that first one with Bridezilla.

I wanna help this bride. Is she being a bridezilla? What things would you tone back? What do you agree with? What do you disagree with? are her bridesmaids being a little too much? Are they being a little too picky? Sharing the comments below. if you are listening to the podcast on your phone, you can go to YouTube.

We always post the full episode. We do post highlights as well. Um, and don’t forget, we are doing our big anniversary giveaway as well. So all you need to do is comment on this episode or last week’s and comment entered. We’re gonna check all of them during the giveaway as long as you say entered. we will enter you into the giveaway.

Make sure you subscribe to YouTube. Subscribe to the podcast on Apple or Spotify, wherever you listen. And, you’ll be entered. Hi guys, thanks so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Wedding Finances, Honeymoon Hacks & an MIL Meltdown — with Sara Margulis

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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The MIL stole their car keys… on the morning of their honeymoon.

This week on Here Comes The Drama, a listener shares a “drama-free” wedding that takes a sharp turn the next morning. What should have been a quiet newlywed breakfast spirals into a full-blown hotel lobby meltdown when a mother-in-law demands a ride to the airport, refuses to take no for an answer, and crosses every boundary imaginable.

Plus, Christa and Honeyfund CEO Sara Margulis break down honeymoon funds, modern gift etiquette, and why couples need to stop planning weddings they can’t afford. From Shark Tank success to wedding-industry pressure, Sara shares what couples actually need to start thinking beyond that ‘one big day’.

We’re celebrating one year of Here Comes The Drama! 🎉 Subscribe to my podcast and YouTube channel, and comment “Entered” on this episode’s YouTube video for a chance to win one $150 Visa gift card or one of two $25 Amazon gift cards. Winners will be announced on March 12.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Cash Gifts vs. Entitlement – Why asking for a honeymoon fund isn’t rude, but treating wedding guests like ATMs absolutely is.
The Honeymoon Morning Meltdown – A “drama-free” wedding explodes when a mother-in-law steals car keys and demands a ride to the airport.
Wedding Industry Pressure – How FOMO-driven marketing pushes couples to plan weddings they can’t realistically afford.
Boundaries as a United Front – Why marriage requires choosing your partner first, especially when family crosses the line.
From Shark Tank to Wedding World – Sara Margulis shares how Honeyfund grew and why fee-free gifting matters to modern couples.
Honeymoon Planning Mistakes – The biggest financial mistakes couples make when planning travel—and how to avoid them.
Choosing Peace Over Chaos – Why limiting contact with toxic family members can be necessary, even years after the wedding.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis
“If you’d rather have someone there for a gift than their presence, you shouldn’t invite them. Be more excited to have them there versus a gift. ” – Christa Innis
“There are so many ways to make a wedding work at any budget — ultimately, it’s about the marriage, not the one big day.” – Sara Margulis
“A gift is always at the discretion of the giver. You should never expect anything.” – Sara Margulis
“Never plan a wedding where you’re counting on gifts to cover the cost.” – Sara Margulis
“Nobody has any business expecting anything from a couple in the first weeks of marriage.” – Sara Margulis
“Wedding drama doesn’t always end when the music stops.” – Christa Innis
“Issues with in-laws come up all the time — and marriage is when you learn to stand united.” – Sara Margulis
“Marriage works when you put each other first before everyone else.” – Sara Margulis
“All the villains have a backstory — but that doesn’t excuse the behavior.” – Sara Margulis
“Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
“The gift of experiences has become more important than the gift of stuff.” – Sara Margulis
“FOMO-based wedding marketing makes people feel less than — and it needs to stop.” – Sara Margulis
“If you wake up after your wedding broke and stressed, that’s not a great start.” – Sara Margulis
“Don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding, look at them as people.” – Christa Innis

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Sara

Sara Margulis is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund, a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than $1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into a company helping couples celebrate love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honeyfund with heart-centered, human-first leadership.

She gained national attention after a memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary – not just for her savvy pitch, but for her vision of love and generosity powering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike.

Follow Sara Margulis

Your ultimate wedding etiquette guide is here! Mariah Humbert answers every question you didn’t know you had—so your big day is smooth, stylish, and stress-free: What Do I Do?: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. And today’s story that we read, my jaw probably dropped three or four times. It is a wild one. I know I say that word all the time, and I know there’s other words out there. I can use that one. Just these stories are just so, so wild.

You guys crazy. Shocking, surprising. Um. I’m just completely flabbergasted. We’ll, we’ll go with that. Um, just a little reminder, I am doing the, um, giveaway this month. I couldn’t think of the word giveaway. Um, there’s a lot going on you guys. Um. All you have to do is just share a photo, whether it’s of yourself listening to the podcast, it’s a screenshot of the podcast from your phone or a screenshot of your review.

And then tag me at Hey Christa Innis. Um, and I’m gonna give away four $50 Amazon gift cards during the month of January the winter. Winners will be announced, um, in our February 12th episode. So don’t forget to enter, tag me on social media. It can be in a post, it can be in a story. Um, it can be in your caption.

Um, even if you’re like walking on the street, holding your phone, take a picture of, it’s a selfie, but you’ll tag me in the comments, um, about the podcast. That will enter you as well. Um, just a way to say thank you. Um, the first year of the podcast went amazing and I’m just so excited to give you guys more amazing content.

We’ve had so many great interviews, so many great stories that we’ve read on here, and I’m just, we’re just getting started. You guys. There are so many more. Um. Wild things to happen. Uh, and and one thing I’m gonna try is to use a different word every single episode. And it’s funny ’cause I, like I asked you guys a while back and you guys gave me all these other words, but I just can’t, I can’t help it.

It’s wild. Okay. Anywho. Today on the podcast I have Sara Margulis here who is the co-founder and CEO of Honeyfund. You guys have heard me talk about Honeyfund many times before. It is the wedding registry, um, where people can give money towards your honeymoon, and I think it’s such an amazing concept and, um.

There. It’s, it’s great because I think we’re leaning a lot more into experiences versus things. Um, so Honeyfund is a mission-driven platform that has empowered nearly 1.6 million couples to receive more than 1 billion in wedding gifts. What began as a personal project to fund her own honeymoon has grown into companies, has grown into a company helping multiple couples celebrate their love and build a financially strong future.

With a background in psychology and digital marketing, Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered with a background in psychology and digital marketing. Sara leads Honey Fund with heart-centered and human first leadership. She gained natural attention after her memorial. She gained national attention after her memorable appearance on Shark Tank, where she secured an investment from Kevin O’Leary.

Not just from her savvy pitch, but from her vision of love, generosity, empowering a business. Her journey continues to inspire both entrepreneurs and couples alike. So we have a great time chatting. She has. Such a vision for her brand. Not only that, but we just talk all about weddings, honeymoons, the importance of them and the importance of just your building blocks, um, when you’re planning your wedding as well.

Um, so without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode.

From Wedding Registry to Honeymoon Fund Revolution

Christa Innis: Hi Sara. Thank you so much for being here. Hi Christa. I’m so excited to talk to you today. Yes, I’m so glad we were able to connect. Before we get started, I mean, there’s so much drama and everything we can talk about. Can you just talk one a little bit about you and your awesome brand Honey fund?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, absolutely.

So, I’m Sara Margulis, co-founder and CEO of Honey Fund. We are almost 20 years old, but if you can believe that, next March will be our 20th anniversary. But Honey Fund is basically a wedding registry where couples can receive the gift of a honeymoon or any cash, that they need to start out together instead of, or in addition to traditional registry items.

Christa Innis: I love that. I think it’s such a smart idea and I remember the first time I saw something like that, Years ago for a friend’s wedding, and I was like, this is such a great idea because sometimes people live together for a while before getting married and they don’t need the standard like dishes or towels.

And so I think it’s a fun way to contribute to, a fun time in your friends or family members’ life. and so what kind of started the idea, what made you think of the idea behind it and what was the process for you? Like when you were like, oh, this could be something and kind of getting that together.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. So, when I was getting married, planning my wedding in 2004, We didn’t need any more household stuff. We lived in a one bedroom flat and we weren’t like, ready for our forever home. So there was no point in accumulating China and, towels and silverware and all that. but we did really wanna go on a, pretty elaborate honeymoon.

We were dreaming of a trip to Fiji, which turns out it’s about halfway around the world from San Francisco. So expensive to get to. And, my fiance and I, at the time, we were just like, what could we do that would be different from, you know, a traditional wedding registry? I can’t remember how, but I’d heard of the concept of a honeymoon registry and I kind of went online to like.

Make sure I wasn’t crazy and that was an actual thing. And it was, but it was, quite, antiquated that the options that were available were a little outdated and they were very, expensive to use. Like they wanted to charge, 9% in fees, which to us just seemed crazy. That would amount to a whole night on our honeymoon, we’d be paying in fees, right?

Mm-hmm. we just put our heads together and kind of created our own makeshift honey fund on our wedding website. And our friends and family went crazy for it. They gave us more than $5,000. We took our dream honeymoon to Fiji and when we got back they were just raving about the idea, like, how cool, like, I wish we had this when we got married.

You know, you guys should make this available to other couples. And we were already aspiring entrepreneurs. I had a background in marketing. He had a, software engineering degree. And so we built honeyfund.com about a year after our own wedding. And, Just started, we bought a few Google ads, for people searching for honeymoon registry, which there weren’t that many searches at the time.

We started signing up, you know, three, four people a day, and then it became a hundred and then became a thousand. And in 2011, we were featured on Martha Stewart Wedding’s homepage, and our site totally crashed.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. Oh my God. We made it to the big time, like somebody at Martha Stewart noticed us and is like, this is a cool idea. We’re gonna share this. So yeah, that’s a big break.

Experiences Over Stuff: Why Honeymoons Actually Matter

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s amazing. And when you explain it that way, it’s such an amazing concept and so important because I feel like there’s still like some misunderstanding from people, like how it works or, and I don’t know if you’ve seen these comments before, people saying like, well, I don’t wanna pay for someone’s honeymoon when you put it that way, it’s like, if you love this person and you want to give them a gift, what? Does it matter if they spend it on sheets in their house or they spend it on dinner, on the beach? You know? Totally,

Sara Margulis: totally. And as the gift of experiences has become more. Sort of commonplace and the gift of cash, right?

With like GoFundMe and stuff. I think it’s just kind of obvious that today’s couples, you know, the way our economy has evolved, like you can get anything you need for your household at Walmart for 3 88. it’s just cheap. Like, you know, you don’t need, a wedding registry. You don’t need your friends and family to shell out their hard earned cash to get you more stuff.

Everybody has enough stuff now. But what we really crave and what I think wedding couples really need after the stress of planning a wedding is a vacation. some memories that they’ll always cherish and, 99.999% of any giver who’s ever come through Honey Fund has said that was so much fun.

What a cool way to give a wedding gift.

Christa Innis: I love that. And isn’t there a stat out there, I might be making this up, but there’s something, some kind of stat about like couples that do take a honeymoon and take the time to take a honeymoon. Like either like. Are married longer or they have happier marriages because they start off by focusing on an experience together.

And I might be making that up, so maybe I should look it up later, but I remember hearing something about that. Yeah. Because there’s a lot of couples that, maybe they hold, off or they, aren’t able to because of other things, which obviously there’s some circumstances where you just can’t take a honeymoon.

I get it. They’re expensive. You might not have Yeah. Getting time off

Sara Margulis: work, family e emergencies. There’s all kinds of reasons why couples don’t travel, but that stat is actually from H Fund’s own research and the stat is that, couples who take a honeymoon are more likely to be happily married more than a decade later.

And, you know, when we first, did that research and kind of interpreted all that, it gave me goosebumps. I was like, oh my gosh. Like we’ve been doing something really fun and cool for, you know, 15 years. But like we didn’t realize that it was actually related to, marital satisfaction and. As someone who’s been through divorce with Honeymoon’s co-founder and having to like, go through the hardest thing imaginable, that really like sunk in for me.

And I was like, I wanna make happily ever after the reason why we exist. And so we really started thinking about like, how do we not only get couples on that first honeymoon, but keep them traveling together throughout their married lives so that they can, benefit from the relationship skill of travel, right?

So like mm-hmm. When couples take time away from the stress of everyday life, when they take time to focus on each other, quality time, time to dream, time to just breathe out. They have better relationships, stronger relationships. And so, we just launched anniversary fund last year so that, this year actually, so that couples could continue to travel together.

The couples who miss their honeymoons could have that opportunity to celebrate a master anniversary with the help of friends and family and make that honeymoon happen.

Christa Innis: I love that. that would be like my advice for people, again, if it’s feasible for people, but like to plan when you’re planning your wedding, to plan that honeymoon.

Even just get it on the books, even if it’s not right away. Yes. Having that date, it’s ’cause it’s something to one look forward to after the wedding that doesn’t involve anybody but your partner. And two, it’s like, it’s those memories right away as a married couple. And, I feel like it just, it really, like we were talking about, it’s like we have all this stuff, right?

We just keep accumulating stuff year after year and that just really brings home the idea of experiences over more things, right? Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. Yeah, you got it. And so I just, I feel like it’s so important and the people I knew, I knew different couples that year. They were like, oh, we’re gonna wait till next year to do a trip or we’re gonna do this.

And then before you know it, some of those couples never ended up taking one because Yeah. Whether they decided to have start having kids or they move, or other things come up and that things are gonna always come up. Always. So I think it’s a way to like kind of prioritize your relationship and being like, okay, this week we’re setting aside our honeymoon and that’s what we’re gonna do.

Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. And also it’s like this great opportunity to like get time off that like nobody can say no to. Like no boss is gonna be like, no, I’m not giving you time off for your honeymoon. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s kind of a freebie, so you gotta take it while you can. Right. but yeah, I really agree that, starting your marriage off, being able to like decompress after the wedding planning, which is really stressful. I mean, the big day is awesome, but sometimes you’re just kind of in shock, right? And like the next day you’re like, whoa, what just happened? And you just need a minute to collect yourself before you jump right back into work and everything.

I think it’s really important.

The Wedding Letdown No One Warns You About

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, totally. you hear of that, like, this didn’t happen to me, but I know a lot of brides where they almost, depression’s gonna be a really strong word, but a lot of them felt like, bumped after their wedding. Yes. Because they put so much stress and you know, they spend weeks and months and Yes.

Planning, you’re around family and friends all the time doing this fun event and then the day after they’re like, ah, I have nothing to look forward to. And Okay. Which is such a sad way to look at it. And like, that’s why I like always tell people too, I’m like, it’s about starting the marriage. Like yeah.

It’s not all our focus on that one day. Right. But I think the honeymoon can really help with it too, because that’s that thing to look forward to of like starting your life, yeah. Together and just no responsibilities on the trip. Just be Yeah,

Sara Margulis: I totally agree with you. I think there’s a lot of, bride specifically who mourn the loss of the wedding planning part of their lives and the, joy and the comradery and the community and everything around wedding planning and many of those actually become winning mentors.

Mm-hmm. So that they can like, stick with it. It was just something they fell in love with and they don’t wanna to be gone anymore. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I do think a lot of people find their passion through wedding planning. Like, they’re like, oh, I love doing this. Or they might find their hatred about planning stuff, so they’re like, get me out of here.

So. Before Honey Fund. you worked in marketing for a while, you said mm-hmm. I think you also said customer service. So how do you think those experiences helped you prepare for this business and ultimately launch this business?

Sara Margulis: Oh, that’s a great question that nobody has ever asked me before, Christa.

Oh, wow. I thank you for that totally new question. marketing was something that I fell into after college. I actually studied music as my undergraduate degree with a minor in German, so it was a very like, just non-committal major, you know, like I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had a math and science background in high school, but I didn’t wanna be like, you know, an engineer or like a scientist and,

when I got my first job in marketing, I just fell in love with it. I loved the intersection of like, math and analytics with like, customer psychology basically. and so that came really naturally to me. And so when we started Honeyfund, I was able to bring, I went on to get a master’s degree in business with an emphasis in marketing.

So I was able to bring all that sort of passion and training to, and my experience planning a wedding. So my understanding of the wedding industry too, to bear in creating honey fund. prior to that I had been in customer service, and there’s something about customer service that I just love.

It’s the idea that, you have an opportunity to delight someone who’s frustrated with your brand to turn them around, to make them an advocate because you took such good care of them to take full accountability for any failure that they had. that comes really, really easily to me. and I just love the, like, the interaction and the opportunity to serve people.

so I think all of that came together to make Honey Fund. it was just all about like, what would I want, do I think would help other couples, like have a great experience and dealing with brides and money. Those are two of the trickiest things that a business can, deal with.

but we’ve been successful I think because we have a really clear vision about what it is we’re trying to offer people. A commitment to trying to be fee free as much as possible, and a commitment to just radically awesome customer service.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And so then you guys took your idea, or you were already a business, but then you guys went over to Shark Tank and you were pretty successful there.

So what was that story like and how did that kind of all come about?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, so we were just plugging away in like 2012. I think we’d done about 200 million in gifting at that point. this was six years after we launched. We had just started hiring people for the business. We, had some customer service, folks and we’re starting to hire like a designer and things like that.

but prior to that, we’d run it all ourselves, just two of us. and we got an email from Shark Tank. And I don’t, I’m not a fan of reality television. I don’t watch it for the most part. so I really didn’t know much about the show, and my first gut instinct was like, I don’t wanna be on a reality TV show.

Like that just sounds like a nightmare. but once we kind of dug into what the show was a little bit more, we were like, oh, this is interesting. So they invited us to apply to the show. They, somebody in casting knew somebody on the crew who had given a honey fun gift to a friend and was like, that was so cool, you know?

Mm-hmm. And talked about us to casting. and they were looking for companies in season six that were a little bit more established, than like, your mom and pop, you know, cupcake company or whatever. Yeah. So we applied and we got cast and we walked into the tank in June of 20 14. we did a deal with Kevin O’Leary.

We actually got three offers, one from Robert, one from Barbara, and one from Kevin. And we took Kevin’s offer and, closed the deal ahead of the airing date of October, 2014. And, still partner with Kevin today. he’s been a great, asset and just a fan of the brand and the customers.

The wedding sort of, he loves love. You know, he actually officiated a wedding for us on Zoom during COVID. We did like a wedding rescue giveaway where Mr. Wonderful will like officiate your wedding. Oh my gosh. And people sharing their COVID cancellation stories and, it was cool. He’s been a really fun partner.

Christa Innis: Wow. So what was it about him? So you said you have three offers. What was it about him that made you guys be like, this is our right person to go to help us.

Sara Margulis: So we had walked into the tank with kind of our idea of like how much equity we were willing to give away. And you know, if you’ve watched Shark Tank, you kind of say like, I want, you know, 400,000 for 10% of my company.

Right. well they, Robert and Barbara both wanted something like 30% and we were like, that’s just our line in the sand was 25. So we, countered at 25. Robert was just like, that’s ridiculous. And Kevin just swooped in and he said, look, I’ll give you a loan. I’m gonna take no equity. You just have to pay me back three times what I’m gonna loan you.

And that’s what we did. And he, to this day, like he got paid back in the first few years, we gave him a little option, stock options, so that, you know, he would be aligned with us in the long term. But, it was an amazing deal. Wow. That’s

Christa Innis: awesome. And I’m sure that also, like, even though it wasn’t.

Your vision at first of going on Reality tv, I’m sure it gave you kinda like an extra boost of being like, wow, this is like really gonna take off now. This is really awesome that Oh yeah. Someone believes in it. Oh yeah.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I mean, our traffic went crazy the night of the airing, even though we were up against the World Series and like some, football games that night.

It was a Friday night. our site crashed, you know, even though we had prepared and did everything we thought we could do to be ready for the traffic. and yeah, we definitely like, grew a lot after Shark Tank and to this day continue to get a little bump every time the reruns come around on CNBC.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, I love that. That’s awesome. so what do you think your, like biggest challenge has been, either like with starting up the business or now to this day? Like it. Getting the business out there or explaining it to new couples. what do you think that kind of challenge or hurdle has been?

Sara Margulis: Oh my gosh. I mean, how much time do we have, Christa? it’s been a 20 year journey. I would say the biggest challenge in the beginning was figuring out the monetization model. Like we just wanted couples to be able to get money for their honeymoon and not have to pay any fees. there’s not a lot of like revenue for a business and that model.

Right, right. finding a way to continue to offer either the lowest fees or no fees, to couples while still being able to, earn revenue and, employ a team, was a very, very long journey. And we actually just kind of cracked the code on it this year, with the honey fund MasterCard.

So you can now, receive the gifts. You pay no transaction fees when the gifts come into your wallet. And then when you are ready to, cash out your fund, you can move the money to a prepaid MasterCard and spend it. Anywhere around the globe that MasterCard’s accepted for no fees at all. So that was a big deal, that was like huge.

and then, you know, couples can also cash out to PayPal, Venmo for a small fee, but it’s the lowest in the industry. And again, like our commitment is just, we want couples to get every cent that they got from their wedding guests and put it towards their honeymoon or whatever their savings goal is.

Christa Innis: I love that.

Sara Margulis: So that was a challenge. the other one I would say, biggest by far, well two that came back to back first our split. and when Josh exited the business, that was really hard. and, just emotionally difficult. Transitioning the team, or notifying really the team and kind of helping them make the transition to new tech leadership.

and then right after that, COVID hit and our revenue dropped off a cliff overnight. like weddings and honeymoons canceled. but in the end, that was a catalyst for growth for us because we went out and did a crowdfunding raise. and our past couples and wedding guests who’ve given on the platform our followers, Kevin’s followers all together, bought in for a $1.5 million and, helped us grow the company from, the wreckage of COVID to, what we’re doing today, which is 120,000 couples a year and $80 million in gifting.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. I’m sure like COVID was such a challenging time for so many businesses, and I can only imagine when it comes to like weddings. Like we had a few different friends that were supposed to get married that year and venues just randomly closed and they wouldn’t hear any news and vendors weren’t really sure what was going on, so I Oh, it was so awful.

Sara Margulis: Yeah, it was, I mean, that so stressful. So many vendors and just wedding related companies in general, revenue just disappeared. And some of them were on the hook for, money that they spent with venues or whatever else. It was awful.

Cash Gifts, Etiquette, and the Fine Line Between Asking and Expecting

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. before we get to, I’m gonna do rapid fire next, but, what is your main piece of advice for brides, grooms, anyone getting married right now when it comes to setting up a registry?

What is your biggest tip, or piece of advice?

Sara Margulis: I would say like, don’t be afraid to do a cash registry or a honeymoon fund. I know some couples are still a little bit more traditional about it. Or worry that their friends and family won’t, be open to the idea. But like I said, everybody who’s ever used Honey fund, their friends and family went crazy for it and like loved giving the gifts and raped about the idea.

So, don’t be afraid to do that. On the flip side, I think there’s a generation of couples coming in now that are, a little bit too, like ready to ask for cash and just slap in their Venmo QR code on their invitation, and they’re like, whoa, okay, we gotta hold our horses here. This is like from an etiquette standpoint, like a little sticky. and we, built Honey Fund to really take all of those etiquette considerations into account. So, you know, your friends and family really feel like they’re shopping from a registry and not just dumping cash into your wallet, right? So, we think Honey Fun strikes the sweet spot between those two and, friends and family, they just wanna get you what you want.

You really said it at the beginning of the episode. Why wouldn’t they wanna support your dreams and get excited about funding your trip? so yeah, that would be my biggest piece of advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and you, it’s not fun. ’cause we’ll make it easy for you to do it in an etiquette, approved way.

Christa Innis: yeah. For sure. I totally agree with what you say because I feel like still to this day, it should not be an expectation that someone’s gonna just hand you cash or hand you money. Absolutely. People, of course, most people in your, family and friends want to give some kind of wedding gift.

Mm-hmm. I’ve never personally, seen a Venmo thing on an invite, but I have heard of a lot of people and like, stories people have sent me. Mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: And

Christa Innis: I’ve seen a lot of stories about high expectations of like, I’m the bride, give me your money, give gifts. Right. And I feel like there’s definitely a right way to do it.

Mm-hmm. Because like. I remember when I got engaged, I was like, I’m not, I don’t expect anything. But so many, so many family friends were reaching out, saying like, send me a registry. Like before I even did it, they were like, oh, I can’t wait to, you know? Mm-hmm. What are you looking for? And so people will want to, but yeah, it’s, there’s a right time and a place of like how, how to do it, for sure.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. And I think the biggest horror stories around gifting come from. sense that the couple isn’t grateful or they expect you to spend a certain amount of money to cover the cost of your plate or something. And I say like, first of all, never spend money that you aren’t a hundred percent comfortable spending.

Never plan a wedding that you feel like if we don’t get this certain number of gifts, we’re not gonna be able to cover this. Like, that’s not okay. If you, if you need money to plan your wedding, you can do wedding funding on honey fund, you could add some things to your registry that are gonna help you, like flowers or, you know, open bar or whatever the costs are, and invite your closer in circle to help fund those, because those are the people that are gonna help you cover the cost of your wedding anyway, right?

Mm-hmm. and then, when it comes to, like, gifting, strict etiquette says that’s at the discretion of the giver, that you should never expect anything. And if you do, It’s not gonna be good for your relationship with your closest friends and family. People love you the most.

It’s gonna put a sour taste in their mouths and you don’t wanna do that to everyone you love at once.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Don’t, not a good, don’t look at people as dollar signs at your wedding. Right. Look at them as people, if you’d rather have someone there because they’re gonna give you a big check, then you shouldn’t be inviting them.

Right. And I feel like people get lost in that a lot of times. Like they think about like, oh, I want a big wedding ’cause of this. And it’s like, no. Like you should be more excited to have them there versus a gift.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: for sure. I actually just read, I feel like I was either a Reddit story or someone sent it to me about getting invited to a wedding where it clearly stated on the invitation it said, you are required to pay for your plate.

And it gave the cost of the plate and they, and it was like all these really strict rules and that was one where I was like, oh,

Sara Margulis: okay,

Christa Innis: that’s

Sara Margulis: okay. So

Christa Innis: much. We’re getting a little, a little forward with that.

Sara Margulis: To me, that sounds like, one of those mock weddings they do for like wedding vendors or something.

It doesn’t sound like a real wedding to me. I can’t even imagine actually. Yeah, putting that on there. and there’s so many ways to make a wedding happen at any budget. We have actually a lot of templates for low cost, a thousand dollars, $5,000 weddings on Honeyman’s blog. you can have a wedding in a park on a Thursday afternoon with an officiant and you know, your 20 closest friends and family and a cake.

And you know it’s not about all the pomp and circumstance. It’s not about the decorations or the number of people or the chicken or the fish. It’s about you and your person really being authentic about like, what can we afford to spend? What kind of vibe do we want? Who do we want to be there?

Ultimately, like you said, it’s about the marriage. It’s not about the one big day. And if you’re only doing it before the day, then you know, you kind of have to ask yourself like, what am I gonna do when it’s over? Like, do I wanna be married to this person? You know, those are the tough questions.

Yeah. When it comes to getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Sit together and go through what’s most important for you. What do you wanna spend more money on?

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Christa Innis: cause I just did like a rapid fire recently that was like, what’s more important for like me? It was like the dress or spend more on the honeymoon.

I was like, honeymoon all the way. Oh yeah. I didn’t even get a super expensive dress. I was like, I knew wear for one day. Yeah. I’d rather go go owl out on the honeymoon.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. I actually sold my dress after the wedding. ’cause I was like, I don’t have a place to store this. You know? It’s not like it was some dream dress that, I loved it.

It was beautiful and I’ve got all the pictures, but like, let some other bride enjoy it for a good price. You know, that was kind of my, yeah. Yeah. It’s like, I

Christa Innis: love that.

Sara Margulis: Re reduce, reuse, recycle kind of California vibes over here.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. I should honestly do that with some of my bridesmaid dresses.

I have so many bridesmaid

Sara Margulis: outfits. There you go. Oh my gosh. Right. I’ve used them for Halloween costumes.

Christa Innis: That’s a great idea. You know what the funny thing is I’ve given away, so I’ve been in 10 weddings and I’ve given away two, and I was literally looking for one this year and it’s one I got rid of and I was like, darn it for Halloween, because I was gonna, Belinda.

Oh. I was like, oh, I had a pink dress. And I was like, that would’ve perfect. I don’t know where it is. I think I got rid of it.

Sara Margulis: Oh man. I wanna offer one more piece of advice. This came up recently. Mm-hmm. in the news. People like wonder, like why do I need a honey fund? Can’t I just have like a honeymoon contribution box like on the day of my event and just have people bring cash or checks or whatever, which is like, a totally legitimate question, but it’s not very secure and there are plenty of stories of couples having all their cash gifts stolen at the wedding.

so, making it available to your friends and family ahead of time. First of all, make sure that everybody’s got access to the gift, whether they can come or not. Second of all, it’s secure. you’re gonna get the money for free anyway, so it’s not like you have to try to skirt the system. and you can put a QR code on your, gift table for people who hadn’t gotten it, in ahead of time to, send you a little bit something through your honey fund.

Christa Innis: I love that for someone like me, I love when couples have one because I don’t carry checks. Yeah. So I, yeah, I’m such a, I don’t know if I’m, I think I’m like a middle millennial. Maybe I’m younger, millennial, I don’t know. But I don’t carry checks. So when there’s a wedding coming up, it’s like I have to make an extra trip to the bank, or I get a bunch of cash out and I’m like, oh my gosh, like you are gonna have a couple hundred bucks in a card.

That’s like very risky to me. So I love when they offer a honey fund because it’s so much easier for me to be like, just do it right from my phone. Like, that’s so much easier. I get a card still, I put it on the table and I write like little note, like, check your honey fund, or you know, or whatever.

Sometimes I do that. Love it. but it’s so much easier. Yeah. Sounds good. And we had that too, like even like a couple people that couldn’t make it to our wedding. the day of like they were sick or their kids were sick and they just like sent something and then we just got like an email and it was like, so sorry.

And then they sent their gift that way. So it was like, even if you couldn’t be there, it’s just like an easier way. We all have access on our phones. lot of us don’t have checks anymore. Mm-hmm. Or carry around cash. A lot of us don’t carry around cash.

Sara Margulis: so many people now just don’t ever carry cash. And like, I usually have a little cash, but like, not enough when I usually want it.

I don’t have it, so. Yep. It’s so funny. You just have everything with your phone now.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh yeah. The ease. So, or like at

Sara Margulis: Whole Foods you can use your palm to pay. I’m not into that yet, but, oh, that’s a, we’ll have to look into that as a feature for honey fund, like gift table. Like just be with your palm, just put

Christa Innis: hand.

Technology is wild. It scares me sometimes, but it’s a hundred percent Cool.

Sara Margulis: Yeah.

Wedding Industry Pressure & FOMO Marketing Gone Wild

Christa Innis: Okay. We are gonna go into rapid fire. It’s honeymoon, and kind of like CEO edition, so there’s kinda like mixed in there. Okay. Let’s do it. Okay. What’s a realistic honeymoon budget for most couples?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I love this. so I’ll give you some averages and then I’ll give you some ranges.

So, average honeymoon budget right now is $6,500. This is a survey of H Fund couples, that has gone up considerably since pre COVID. Wow. 2,700 I, or 3000 I think was the sort of typical amount to spend prior to COVID, and a much larger wedding budget. That’s almost flipped now where you have, $6,500 honeymoons and like maybe 12, $15,000 weddings.

So people are just allocating a much bigger portion of available funds to their honeymoon. And I think you nailed it when you said like, yeah, we know what we’re doing for our honeymoon. You know, a lot of couples I asked today that are newly engaged, Where are you gonna get married?

What month? Blah, blah. They don’t know any of that. Where are you going on your honeymoon? We’re going to Thailand. Mm-hmm. Like, they already know. You know what I mean? So it’s interesting. Yes.

Christa Innis: I love that. I’ve noticed that too. I feel like it’s definitely changed a little bit and I think people are getting more creative with where they’re going.

I feel like it used to be like, my parents’ generation, it was like Hawaii. I think everyone went to Hawaii. Oh yes, yes. And we even looked at Hawaii and it was so expensive. So we ended up doing like all-inclusive resort. But yeah, I just feel like there’s a lot more emphasis on realizing like.

Planning this trip is like really important. Mm-hmm. Even if you can only do a couple days mm-hmm. Somewhere. Mm-hmm. Just to like plan something a little getaway. I love that. Yep. Should you save for the honeymoon before or after the wedding? Should

Sara Margulis: you save for it before or after?

it really depends on, when you wanna take the honeymoon. I’m a big fan of long engagements that allow you to start setting money aside from each of your paychecks every month to kind of build a seed fund for your wedding and honeymoon. and then of course your H fund, you know, contributions are gonna help you cover it too.

So if you’re planning to go right after your wedding, I think you wanna have a financial plan around your honeymoon, like six months ahead of the wedding. So what we’re doing now is we’re offering, couples a 0% interest credit card offer so that they can get that booked but not have to pay it back until after, the wedding, when their honey fund gifts come in.

Oh, great. So, yeah, I think you need a financial plan and if you can save, one to two years ahead of your wedding and honeymoon, absolutely. Start doing that. Mm-hmm. if you know you’re not gonna be able to honeymoon until six months or a year after. continue to save until that time comes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And put it on your calendar just so you Yes, absolutely. Put something or let it slide off. You gotta

Sara Margulis: book it. You gotta ask for the time off. You gotta make sure everyone in your life knows, like, these are our honeymoon dates. Don’t plan somebody else’s wedding during this time, or whatever. Right? Yes.

Christa Innis: what’s the biggest honeymoon money mistake you think couples make?

Sara Margulis: Ooh, I think it can be really easy to, with all of the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding for the honeymoon, planning to fall through the cracks, and then you maybe are scrambling to plan it a little too late and you’re not getting access to the best prices.

So kind of making sure that you have a honeymoon planning sort of timeline that’s happening alongside your wedding planning. deciding early where you wanna go, finding out the best time of year to travel there. when flights are gonna be most reasonable, when hotel rooms are gonna be most reasonable.

And, planning well ahead I think is the best way to save money in most cases in life in general. Yes. But certainly with travel planning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. Yeah. It’s funny ’cause like one of the weddings I was in, my friend is such a planner that like, I think we all booked for Her bachelorette party was in Miami, not Miami. Sarasota, siesta Key. I love Sarasota. I think we all had our flights booked. Like she had exactly where she, like, she planned it herself as the bride. She’s like, I found these two houses we’re gonna rent. I found these flights. They’re like this cheap.

And like, because it was so in advance, it was such a good price for everything. She knew the right season to go. She knew the right time. Like I think we went like four months before her actual wedding, just ’cause the timing was right. Wow. so you can actually do pretty well, especially with flights and stuff like saving money.

Buying on travel Tuesday versus like Yes. Last minute flights. Yes. yeah. So smart and

Sara Margulis: there’s so much tech now that can tell you, it can alert you when flight prices drop. It can help you with like different types of connections that can save you money. Like, I would say definitely if you like travel planning, like start on it as soon as possible.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I didn’t ask this one before, but we kind of talked about it, about like having your honeymoon as a part of your wedding budget. Do you think those should be two separate budgets or just like one big and then figure out how much you wanna allocate?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, I mean, realistically speaking, it’s all one budget, which is your combined financial picture, right?

And so you have to ask yourself, when we wake up the morning after our wedding night, how much money do we wanna have in the bank for? The next step in life, whether that’s buying a home or paying off debt or going and doing a master’s program or something. your financial life never, ends, right?

You have to be constantly planning ahead. we actually have a worksheet, it’s called the one page wedding plan, where you just sit down and like think about, okay, how much money do we have in the bank now? How much time do we have to save? How much do we expect friends and family to be able to contribute and then helps you allocate that financial picture across all the different things.

And like I said, you know, what we’re finding is couples are allocating so much more of their overall budget picture to the honeymoon these days than they used to. Mm-hmm. And a lot less on the wedding because they just, number one, it’s like impossible to afford. we just did a bunch of research on destination weddings and we learned that couples are holding destination weddings within the US just to go to a more affordable wedding market.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s,

Sara Margulis: isn’t that interesting?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And kind of then just turning that trip into their honeymoon Probably. Yeah.

Sara Margulis: Not nec. No, they’re not even, they’re still taking a separate honeymoon, but they’re having a destination wedding just because wherever they live is just too expensive to plan a wedding.

Yeah. Isn’t that fascinating?

Christa Innis: And it’s wild how it changes from state to state. Yes, definitely. I’m in Wisconsin and I think they’re, I mean, we went pretty affordable for ours, so I think, I shouldn’t say, or affordable, it was still on the, it was still up there, but, I hear like California or New York price, like downtown New York prices.

I’m like, woo. New York though.

Sara Margulis: the New York wedding industry is almost a completely different beast all on its own and it influences so much of the rest of the industry, I think really unfairly, because the big sites like the Knot and WeddingWire, you know, are out of New York and.

It’s just not real. it’s just New York. like I said, you can do a wedding in a public park with no venue cost, you know, with your friend ordained online, no efficient cost at a cake that you buy at Whole Foods or whatever your local grocery store like what you need is your love.

That’s it. and you can build from there. If you kind of start with this like, okay, what’s like the minimum? We need to do this? And then just build from there. Okay, this is important to us. That’s important to us. Yeah. We can afford that. Yeah. We’re willing to spend our money on that. you’ll come up with something that I think is truly authentic and fun and unique for your friends and family and like so supportive of your financial picture and your future together.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve been to some beautiful weddings that were like DIY. Under a tent and it looked great. And it’s just about having that eye and it’s intimate, it’s small. Yeah. And then I’ve been to huge weddings that they spent a lot of money and they were beautiful, but that was what was important to them.

Right. And it looked great and they had the funds for it. Right. Right. And I think a lot of it is like comparison and people follow these, like, influencers in New York and they’re like, oh my gosh, that’s how much I have to spend. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna go broke. And it’s like, no. Yeah, you don’t have to do that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Actually, I’m gonna tell you a quick little side story right now because, I’ve been working with a reporter that, writes for the New York Times for a couple years on a story about the real cost of weddings. And I don’t mean like the super expensive New York weddings, I mean everyday weddings that couples are having that are so cool and unique and financially accessible.

And the fact that like 30,000 might still be the average, but it’s not actually the most common budget anymore. that’s skewed by like very, very expensive. Like the New York weddings we’re talking about. and just, kind of like resetting expectations about what it actually cost you to plan a wedding.

The story that came out was like, completely not that. It was just like, this is why weddings are so expensive and this is where you’re gonna have to spend. And I was just like pulling my hair. I’m like, no, this, it’s just an unrealistic, like expectation and it’s a false sort of like, I don’t know.

I think it’s misleading. I really encourage couples not to buy into it because it’s just like any other industry or business, you know? Mm-hmm. They’re gonna try to get you to feel like if I don’t do that, I’m gonna regret it forever. That sort of emotional, sort of FOMO based marketing in the wedding industry really gets my blood boiling.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, for sure. I work in marketing too, and I feel like I can seek stuff like that out. it’s funny ’cause even like, some sales stuff, I feel like my husband’s so quick to be like, oh, that’s a great deal. And I’ll be like, weren’t they just that? You know, like I can, kind of scope some of that stuff up.

Yeah,

Sara Margulis: it kind of goes to like, back, and I don’t even know if they say this anymore, but like, back to like engagement rings, they’d be like, oh, he should spend six months of his salary on an engagement ring, or her dress should cost this much. And it’s just like, why are we setting these expectations for other people?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Not knowing their job, their budget, their interests.

Sara Margulis: yeah,

Christa Innis: for me, like I just said, like my dress was, I wanted a beautiful dress. Yes. But I did not wanna spend $10,000 or $5,000 on a dress. That just wasn’t me.

Sara Margulis: I know. And I’m so glad you mentioned diamonds because, They have these beautiful lab grown diamonds now literally can’t tell the difference.

Nobody would know. Even like a moist aite is like gorgeous. like I have a five carat moist aite that I wear a lot, and I have to be careful when I wear it because people are like, damn, she’s got money. You know, like if I had it to do over again, I would, be smart about where to put that money because we did some math on like the typical or the, quote, average wedding price of $35,000.If you invested that on day one of your marriage, you would have 1.2 million for retirement so, like that’s what you’re not getting by spending that much money on your wedding day. When you think about it that way, it’s like a totally different perspective, you know? Yeah.

It makes you make different choices.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s wild. You got, it’s like you gotta take the pressure off of like take off the blinders of what everyone’s trying to tell you to do and just yeah. Look at what’s in front of you. Talk to your partner. Yeah. What do we wanna do? Yeah. Like, you know, everybody else.

It’s definitely easy to fall into the trap of like, well, they got married in this palace and it was so beautiful. And it’s like, is that feasible?

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Like, you

Christa Innis: wanna get married there,

Sara Margulis: or,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Sara Margulis: Right. I mean, yes, of course we all want to stay in the most luxurious, you know, villa on our trips or whatever, but like, you can have an incredible experience and make it affordable.

And that’s why, you know, on Honeyfund, you’re not gonna find that kind of like FOMO based, like marketing messaging. You’re not gonna find this whole world of like these real weddings that are just way out of your price point and make you feel like less than. We just help you share the details of your, day, get some money to help fund your, wedding or honeymoon or whatever savings goal.

We have RSVP and guest management. We try to just be like a simple alternative to those like

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Sara Margulis: Overblown wedding planning sites.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. All right. I got a little sidetracked from the rapid fire, but so did

Sara Margulis: I. That wasn’t rapid at all. Yeah,

Rapid Fire Truths: Honeymoon Planning, Timing, and Money Mistakes

Christa Innis: I know. I love it. Okay, I’ll do a couple more and then we’ll get into this week’s story submission.

Okay. So now we’re running a little, a little late. Okay. let’s see. Do you think couples should delay the honeymoon to save money or take it right away and then we kinda just talked about this, but

Sara Margulis: Delay it [honeymoon] only if it’s gonna make it like a much better trip for you and it’s gonna cost you less, but otherwise take it right away.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: What’s your thought on like surprise honeymoons? Because I’ve seen a couple times where there’s surprise honeymoons, whether it’s like the groom plans it or someone a family member plans it for the couple. What are your thoughts on that?

Sara Margulis: If it’s a travel planner doing it and they’ve interviewed you extensively about what kind of trip you want? Yes. Or if you both just love to be surprised. Yes. Otherwise hell no.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That was my thought when I first read about a story like that, I was like, I would hate that.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. No, let, let me plan more on that. Unless you’re both like that personality or like I said, somebody whose job it is to plan awesome trips and, make sure you love it, but not like an in-law or a friend.

No way. Jose,

Christa Innis: right? Yes. You’ve been on one of their great trips and you’re like, okay, I know what they know what they’re doing. Yes. Yes. I’ll do that. Okay. I love that.

The Wedding Calm Before the Chaos.

Christa Innis: Okay. Let’s get to this week’s wedding story submission. Here we go. Feel free to stop me at any time or we’ll kind of just pause and react.

Okay. Okay. Going into my wedding day, I was honestly bracing for chaos. Knowing my mother-in-law, I was sure something would go down. I’d experienced her episodes before and let’s just say I have some stories. Seriously, let me know if you want more. She has a long history of taking her anger towards her ex-husbands out on my husband and I truly thought she might ruin our day, especially because she was going to be there alongside her first husband and his wife and her second husband and his wife.

A full soap opera cast y’all. But somehow against all odds, the wedding itself was perfect. Not a single issue. Everyone behaved. It was peaceful, joyful, and completely drama free. That’s amazing. I was like, you glad your job free

Sara Margulis: to. Thanks

Christa Innis: so much. Story over

Sara Margulis: Christa.

Christa Innis: It was great talking to you. That was it.

Stolen Car Keys, Police Threats, and a Mother-in-Law Meltdown

Alright. Yeah, yeah. How disappointing would that be if people are like, okay, I’m ready. And I’m like, drama free guys. There was nothing for the first time ever. Yeah. she goes until the next morning. So at least the mom held it off the wedding day, which is on the wedding day, which I would say it’s pretty polite to like, you know?

Mm-hmm. Bare minimum, but yeah. Okay. For some, like her, she had gifted us a hotel room at Embassy Suites for wedding night. Very thoughtful. What we didn’t know, she also booked herself a room at the same hotel. So the morning after, my husband and I head down for what we think will be our first quiet breakfast together as newlyweds.

We walk in and there she is frantically waving from across the breakfast lounge. We were stunned, but okay. We go over and say hi. She invites us to eat with her. we didn’t really want to, but out of politeness, we sit down. See, for me, I’m like, we all, actually, I think my husband and I stayed at like a bed and breakfast in the same tone, but we ended up going to the hotel to like go see everybody.

Yeah. You

Sara Margulis: wanted to see these people. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn’t sound like this bride wanted to see her mother-in-law the next morning.

Christa Innis: Right. It sounds to me like. She almost made it sound like the mother-in-law when she booked it, made it sound like, oh, I got you guys a nice room over at the Embassy Suites.

Mm-hmm. So they’re like, oh, awesome. This is really nice. Right. We walk down, surprise. Yeah. Small talk starts and then she drops it. So how was your first night? We awkwardly respond fine. What else do you say to your mom-in-law? And then the real drama begins? She says, I need a ride to the airport.

Mind you, there were over 20 family members staying nearby, all flying out that day. Any one of them could have taken her, but she insists that we, the just married couple must do it even though it would add two hours to our already nine hour drive to our honeymoon in Orlando. Oh my God. We respectfully decline and offer to pay a hundred dollars for a cab instead.

That’s when she completely loses it. Right there in the lobby, in front of staff, in front of other guests. She calls us selfish saying We’re ungrateful for the $300 room she paid for. Then she tells us she’s keeping our car keys to my husband’s BMW, which she had driven the night before until we change our minds.

Oh my goodness. Wow. Oh wow. So this is like a full on like tantrum now to like get Yeah.

Sara Margulis: I just, I can’t even imagine like ruining someone’s morning after like that. what in the world. It’s like she

Christa Innis: had this planned all along to be like, oh, I’m gonna make this hotel room for them, so that’s gonna be my nice deed.

Right. But I’ll be there. Yeah. they have no other choice but to drive me.

Sara Margulis: Ugh. God, I’m kind of speechless, to be honest. Krisa like, first of all, nobody has any business expecting anything from a wedding couple in the first couple weeks of marriage. Like they’re in their honeymoon phase, like, second of all, like I don’t imagine the mother-in-law is thinking ahead of like, okay, well this is my daughter-in-law now forever, hopefully. and like I’m gonna start my relationship with her as her official mother-in-law by being a total bee. Like, I just don’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. That’s what always confuses me about these kind of stories.

I’m like, don’t they want to see their son or child more? And I feel like they don’t realize or think through that. Like, if they act this way, they’re gonna see them less and less because no one’s gonna wanna be around them.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s honestly as the mother of, both a son and a daughter, and having a brother too.

It’s different for the mother of the groom. because in families, you know, women often kind of take the lead on social stuff and they tend to just be more comfortable with and gravitate towards their own family. So you’re gonna find your, precious baby boy spending less time with you and more time with her family.

Right. And that’s just kind of the way life is. so I think if you wanna mitigate that, you gotta be pretty nice. Yes. Yeah. if you just wanna throw a tantrum about that Sure. Throw your tantrum, but it’s not gonna help you make it better.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, exactly. she screams it’s your duty as my only son to protect me and get me to the airport and storms off with our keys.

Also knowing that they have to drive to their honeymoon already nine hours away. I know. I’m like, I wanna buy them a plane ticket right now. I know, I know. And it’s not like this is like an airport down the road. She’s, they said another two hours to the airport, or at least one there, one back.

Sara Margulis: and, but I’m like psychologically breaking down this woman, like the line like, you’re my only son.

You have to protect me, is exactly what the mother of a son would be afraid of, that now all of a sudden, all the attention she got from her son is now gonna go to this new wife and she’s gonna be left alone. I, I mean look, all the villains have a backstory, right? Like mm-hmm. Does not excuse the behavior, but you can kind of see how that somebody with not great skills, and anger management problems would be like acting this way if they’re afraid of losing their kid, you know?

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that you said that because one of my most popular like storylines that I’m doing the Ferris and Sloan one, I’m doing the prequel right now of like. The whole thing starts with like, she wants to invite herself on like her son and his girlfriend at the Time’s, like vacation. Yeah.

She’s like, I wanna come. It’s like he’s gonna propose she wants to go. And it’s this whole storyline. And so I’m doing the prequel now. Like it, I did three seasons of it. People like ate it up. They love the story. Oh, that’s so cool. And it’s so, yeah. It’s been so much fun. And so I’m in the prequel now, kind of showing like how she was raised.

Oh. And like kind of showing all that. And that’s the thing we keep saying is like, it doesn’t excuse the behavior, it’s just explaining it.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. Where this, I feel like the first season of White Lotus had a mother-in-law like this where she showed up on their honeymoon, right? In Hawaii. Wait, yeah.

I’m trying to think. I love White Lotus. I’m trying to think of It’s the best. It’s, yeah, the first season was in Hawaii and there was, that couple where the, husband was kind of a jerk and his mom shows up on the honeymoon. And the mom was played by somebody from SNLI wanna say.

Christa Innis: like who was the cast?

Sara Margulis: That was the one with, Aubrey. What’s her name? I’m so bad at remembering actors’ names.

Christa Innis: Um, Aubrey Plaza. Yeah, she was, or was she in the second season in, Italy, I think, right? Oh yeah,

Sara Margulis: that’s right. Yeah. Was

Christa Innis: it Italy?

Sara Margulis: Wait, hold on. Yeah. Italy was season two. Thailand was season three. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Yes. the one with Molly Shannon.

Sara Margulis: Molly Shannon played the mother-in-law. Exactly.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Yeah. I need to go back and watch it, but showed up on the honeymoon. Yeah, you gotta go back and watch it. Oh, that’s wild. I kind of forgot about that storyline, that one was probably the best season.

It was so good. They’re all so good. They’re all so good. Yeah. I have to go back and watch that. It is like a very popular trope of like Yes. That she can’t distance herself. yeah. She can’t let go of her son.

Sara Margulis: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And especially like this one, it shows like both of her ex-husbands are there with their new wife, so I’m sure that adds to the like, I need you son.

Like, you’re my man. You’re my guy. Yes. Which

Sara Margulis: is also just so creepy and weird.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s that enmeshment of like, yes. You can’t see herself as a separate person from. Exactly. she said the hotel. Okay. We’re not even done with

Sara Margulis: the story yet.

Christa Innis: Okay. Keep going. No, there’s a little bit more. Okay. She said the hotel staff was just standing there wide-eyed.

We go to the front desk. The woman working had seen everything and was incredibly kind. We asked her to call my mother-in-law’s room since she was ignoring our calls, so she literally ran away with their keys to her room. Wow. She does. And when my husband gets on the phone, my mother-in-law is yelling so loudly that people can hear her without speakerphone.

Wow. She refuses to return the keys. At this point, we’re wasting our honeymoon morning. So we text her, leave the keys at the front desk. They know it’s our car. If not, we’ll file a police report. We pack up and decide to take my car instead. At least they both have a car there.

As we head toward the lot, I suddenly hear my husband say, Kat, get in the car now. I run to the car. And just in time to see her sprinting towards him, and she throws the keys at his face. Oh my God, this is wild. I’m like picturing this in like a parking

Sara Margulis: lot. Wow. the words that I wanna use right now are not suitable for podcasts, but Oh wow.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. that is insane. It’s because she didn’t get what she wanted. She thought by them saying like she thought. By her like withholding the keys. They’d be like, okay, you know what, we’ll

Sara Margulis: take you. They’d have to do what she wanted and good for them, honestly, as a team for setting a boundary.

Because issues with in-laws come up all the time, all day, every day. Right. And like when it comes to a marriage, a marriage is different than just like being boyfriend girlfriend or dating someone because you really, really have to have each other’s back first before anyone else in your life. That’s what makes marriage work.

And, avoid talking about tough stuff that you’re going through with them, with your family, even a lot of your friends, because it’s gonna set up this sort of like, me versus him, kind of a dynamic. Yeah. When you’re really, I love what this couple did. They stuck together. they called the bluff.

They were like, look, we’re not gonna let your tantrum throw off our day. leave our keys or, you know, we’ll act accordingly and. It worked like good for them. That was like honestly some of the best like training for marriage right there. and they passed the test.

Christa Innis: They leaped over that hurdle.

Literally they did it, they really did handle it very well of just being like, you know what, like almost treating it like, a toddler. Okay. Yeah. If you’re gonna act that way, we’re gonna just figure out, we’re gonna keep going this way because you’re just not Sorry. You know what

Sara Margulis: I wanna do? I don’t know if you can do this, but like I would really love to send them a little gift and like congratulate them on getting through that in a graceful way.

Christa Innis: I’ll have to see. Yeah. When they like sent it. I do have their, this person’s information, so I’ll have to see like when they sent it. But we have these really sweet Honey Ben Stanley’s

Sara Margulis: that we could send them.

Choosing Peace Over Chaos (Even When It’s Family)

Christa Innis: Oh, cute. Oh, I love that. That’s so cute. She then storms off again. I check on him. We get in the car and finally we drive off.

Still married, still heading to our honeymoon, but absolutely stunned. And sadly, this wasn’t the last of it over the past 10 years. Okay. So this was 10 years ago. Wow.

Sara Margulis: Oh my God. Noticed. This was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: We’ve dealt with stunt after stunt, emotional manipulation, dramatic scenes, chaos at every family gathering.

But this was the first of many wild moments. She’s thrown our way. And finally, this year, for the sake of our children, we’ve made the decision to significantly limit contact. Wow. So it took 10 years of manipulation and dramatic scenes, all that stuff to finally be like, okay, you’re limited.I don’t even know if I’d want someone like that around my children knowing they’re gonna throw something or

Sara Margulis: It’s hard.

Yeah. It’s hard

Christa Innis: having

Sara Margulis: problematic grandparents. The kids figure it out though, you know, they make their own decisions. Like, eh, we don’t like hanging out with that person.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like kids are so in tune to people. Mm-hmm. That they’re just like, they go with their gut for sure. They’re not like adults where we can kind of like smile and be okay. They’re like, no, I don’t want. Yeah, yeah, exactly. so she just ends with saying, because peace is better than chaos and eventually boundaries have to be drawn, even if it takes a decade to get there. And then she said, PS I love all your stories.

I relate to Sloan. So the story I was telling you about has Ferris and Sloan. So she says, I relate to Sloane, which is. Funny.

Sara Margulis: That’s awesome. Wow. Well, that’s a wild story. That’s I the twist of the 10 years later at the end. I was not expecting that. That was great.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure that image, like is still in her head so fresh because it was such a high intense moment.

and I love how he protected her too in those moments. He was like, with her on the boundary, he was like, I’m protecting you. Yeah. but I still have a lot of questions like how you would keep, I mean, I’m sure it’s very nuanced and very complicated, but it’s like after that, like what was the next step after that?

You know, they go on their honeymoon, it’s just like, is the mom still not understanding she did anything wrong? And yeah. How you keep that going for 10 years?

Sara Margulis: It’s so hard to like deal with children in grownup bodies. Yeah. But I think having kids probably gave them a new perspective on like her behavior and like, oh, we’re just actually dealing with a child here, and you gotta have boundaries.

Yep. Yeah. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Well, all right, well,

Sara Margulis: thank you for sharing that story. That was fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That was, I mean, not for

Sara Margulis: them, but, you know. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s always like a twisted and seen coming. yeah. But yeah, I know we get so many stories and I’m always just like, they shock me every time. It’s wild. Wow.

Wow. what helps, I feel like a lot of people tell me too, they’re like, it actually helped. They’ll say this like, helped me to write it all out. They’re like, I never told anyone it this way. Hmm. it really helped me get through my feelings or understand like, whoa, this was really toxic. Because when you’re in the moment, sometimes you don’t see it that way.

Oh, for sure.

Sara Margulis: lose perspective.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. So I always like to end these with a couple of confessions that people send me on social media. So let’s read

Sara Margulis: Ooh Confessions. I love it.

Christa Innis: All right. It says, at my sister’s wedding, one of her bridesmaids didn’t get her a gift, and I thought that was kind of weird.

What are your thoughts on that? Like, if you’re in someone’s wedding mm-hmm. Should you automatically get them a gift?

Sara Margulis: there’s more to consider in this situation than just a typical wedding guest, because that bridesmaid’s already gone to some, probably considerable expense to bring the gift of her presence to the wedding, right?

however, and I’ve been in that situation at a time in my life, in my twenties when I didn’t really have a lot of money to get a gift. But what I would do is I would like, make something, or like buy something similar to what they registered for that I could afford. I think just the token gift, something meaningful and like,

personal mm-hmm. Shows that you are celebrating their, day, with a gift. But again, gift is always at the discretion of the giver. And if that bridesmaid really felt like she poured her heart and her budget into that person’s wedding, and that was the gift, I don’t really think it’s something that you can hold against her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I agree. I feel like that was so well said. And I feel like there’s been weddings that, like were very DIY that I was a part of, and I done did so much, and I had the brides be like, please don’t get me a gift. Yeah. And even when I gave it to them, they ripped up the check.

Like I, one in particular, she was like, no, I’m literally not accepting this. Aw. And then I had other ones that were like, same thing. They were like, please don’t feel like you have to like, get me a gift that you would as a guest because you’ve mm-hmm. Been a part of the bachelorette party.

You bought a dress. do think it’s kind of like, murky area there. Mm-hmm. If you wanna give a gift, do it. Mm-hmm. But I guess it doesn’t feel like. I know you do put in a lot being in a wedding party as well. Yeah. And

Sara Margulis: I mean, you know, you can write the bride and ice card and say, look, being in your wedding has been such an honor.

unfortunately I’m out of budget for like, something from your registry, but I would love to give you this handmade friendship bracelet to honor, how much you mean to me or something. Yeah. You know, just anything personal. Yeah, definitely. Yeah,

Christa Innis: because like, again, like after my wedding, I wasn’t like checking the box of like, oh, this bridesmaid or this groomsman didn’t get us a gift.

Like, I was so happy to be surrounded by our family and friends. So that was not a concern to me. they got the suit or they got the dress. I’m like, you guys are awesome. okay, lemme just read a couple more. my uncle invited random strangers to my cocktail hour.

Sara Margulis: Was that cute?

Christa Innis: I’m like, he’s like, oh, I’m single. I’m gonna

Sara Margulis: invite some people here. I’m gonna bring some rows.

Christa Innis: Oh my.

Sara Margulis: Was that it? Okay. That was it. Um, yeah, go ahead. yeah. No, it’s just, that was it. Okay. oh, okay. My uncle our cocktail hour. So that’s like after the ceremony. Before the, yeah. Huh.

Christa Innis: did they stay for the reception or are they just like hanging out just so you free drinks, you’re not allowed

Sara Margulis: to invite your own people to someone’s wedding. That’s just a no-no. Um, yeah, please don’t

Christa Innis: do that.

Sara Margulis: If you wanna bring a date and the date wasn’t explicitly like a plus one on the invitation. I’ve been in situations where I checked in with a couple about that. Like, Hey, I’m not sure the way this was written. Is this a plus one or not? but yeah, no, you don’t get to make your own.

Invitations to someone’s wedding. It’s just not the way it works.

Christa Innis: Yeah. One of our guests quit their job to attend our wedding. Whoa. That’s a friend. I mean, hopefully, or maybe it was like they were just done with this job. Yeah. And they were like, you can’t take off for the wedding.

And they were kinda like, screw you. That, that’s kind of what I’m thinking must have happened, because I’ve heard of that, where they’re just like, this is my moment. Like, I’m not missing my best friend’s wedding or something.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. But like, obviously it sucks when you can’t be in two places at once and like you really wanna, I’ve, there are weddings that I did not go to that I still regret to this day not being there.

But there was nothing I could do. it was like I was pregnant and I couldn’t fly or I think that, you know. don’t do something like that unless you already wanted to quit and you got a plan to like go get another job or whatever. And then you wanna take a few days off to like rage with your friends while they get married.

Cool. all for it. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Honestly, that sounds like something I would’ve done like maybe in my early twenties if I was just like already over a toxic job or something. Something a hundred percent. Yes. Like, get me out of here. You know what, that was my sign.

Sara Margulis: Yeah. and then you could, it’s kind of a fun story.

Like, oh yeah. You know, I quit my job for these guys. You know, it’s like you tell it for the rest of your life. Whatever. Yeah.

Christa Innis: True friend right here. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well thank you so much for coming on. It was so great meeting you after hearing like knowing so much about your brand and your company.

I just think it’s great. I’ve talked about Honeymoon Honey. Fon honey. Oh my gosh. Honey Fund and Honeymoons. so many times on the podcast of just, I think it’s such a fun concept and how like we’re just kind of changing the concept over time of like gift giving as well.

Sara Margulis: Thank you Christa. Thank you for being a fan and supporting the cause and yeah, this was so much fun, such a different kind of podcast than I’ve ever been on before and I loved it.

Thank you so much for having me. Oh

Christa Innis: good. And for everyone listening, where can they follow you? Follow Honey Fund and see what’s coming up next?

Sara Margulis: Yeah, well, honey honeyfund.com you can download the app in the app stores, follow us on Instagram, TikTok. I would say we’re most active on those platforms.

And then if you’re interested in, entrepreneurship or other things like that, you could find me on LinkedIn. I write a lot of, content around, running a business and, you know, travel and relationships and you know, I’d love to connect with you.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well thank you so much.

Sara Margulis: Thanks Christa. Have a great day.

Christa Innis: You too.

by Christa Innis

Makeup Artist Drama, Reality TV, and Toxic Bridesmaid Who Ruins the Wedding with Antoinette

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

What kind of bridesmaid shows up in white to your bridal shower… with her mom in a matching “bride” sash?

Christa and Antoinette start off with some fun chatter about Antoinette’s heroic job before jumping into the wild tale of Erica, the bridesmaid who just couldn’t stand not being the center of attention. From sulking on a pontoon boat to hijacking the bridal shower, her jealousy turned every moment into a spectacle.

This episode is full of outrageous behavior, red flags in friendships, and lessons on boundaries, jealousy, and protecting your peace while planning your big day.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:59 Discovering Antoinette on TikTok

02:25 Balancing Nursing and TikTok

03:27 First Viral Content: Love Island

05:03 Reality TV and Pop Culture Commentary

06:14 The Rise of Love Is Blind

10:42 TikTok Drama and Content Creation

25:22 Nursing Career and Personal Insights

28:30 Wedding Stories and Hot Takes

41:55 Unexpected Skit Request

42:22 Reality TV and Bridal Parties

43:00 Wedding Expectations and Realities

45:44 Rapid Fire Wedding Questions

49:52 Wild Wedding Story: Erica’s Drama

01:09:58 Reflecting on Toxic Friendships

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Jealous Bridesmaid – Erica sulks during a boat ride after hearing about her friend’s engagement, igniting a downward spiral of jealousy.
Disrespectful Comments – The moment Erica’s jealousy flares when she makes a rude comment about the bride’s proposal ring.
Bridal Shower Drama – Erica shows up in white at the bride’s bridal shower, making the event all about herself.
Bachelorette Trip Tantrum – Erica and her boyfriend’s constant complaints and early departure from the bachelorette weekend.
Bridal Shower Exit – Erica leaves the shower early with an excuse, hinting at deeper unresolved issues.
Blocked & Uninvited – After a final confrontation, Erica blocks the bride and bridesmaids, effectively ending the friendship.
Red Flags & Final Decisions – The bride reflects on the red flags in Erica’s behavior and why she should have cut ties earlier.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Some friendships are just meant to be a chapter, not the whole book.” – Christa Innis
“When a bridesmaid makes it all about herself, that’s a red flag bigger than your wedding dress.” – Christa Innis
“Jealousy isn’t the problem, how you act on it is what matters.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding is for celebration, not for managing other people’s insecurities.” – Christa Innis
“If a friend’s making your big day miserable, it might be time to reconsider the friendship.” – Christa Innis
“Jealousy is just information. How you handle it is the real test.” – Antoinette
“If you’re not happy for your friend, maybe it’s time for some self-reflection.” – Antoinette
“A true friend would never make your moment about their own issues.” – Antoinette
“There’s no timeline for happiness. Every couple moves at their own pace.” – Antoinette
“At the end of the day, it’s your wedding. Not a competition.” – Antoinette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Antoinette:

Meet Antoinette (@msrazzledazzle), your reality TV and pop culture bestie. With over 37K followers and 3.2 million likes on TikTok, she’s built a vibrant community around her sharp takes, playful commentary, and unapologetic love for all things drama. From Love Island to Black Mirror, Antoinette dives into the juiciest corners of reality TV with wit, warmth, and a dash of razzle-dazzle. Whether she’s spilling tea or breaking down the latest season of Summer House, she brings a voice that’s both relatable and razor-sharp.

Follow Antoinette:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Antoinette. Thank you for coming on.

Antoinette: Hi. Excited to have, thank you for having me. I was gonna say, excited to have you.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Antoinette: Thank you.

Christa Innis: I have been so, I’ve, I’ve been so guilty of saying stuff like that. Like I remember years ago going to like the movie theater and asking them like, or no, you order like food or something, and they’re like, enjoy your movie.

And you’re like, thanks, you too.

Antoinette: Yeah, right.

It’s just like you’re on autopilot a lot of times. You’re like, oh, you too. Oh, you too.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It literally happens all the time. I’m just like, yeah. And it’s funny now, like my daughter’s too, but there’s times where I’m like, oh, um. Like, what was, how, I don’t even, I’ll ask a question. She just goes, good. And I’m like, well, that’s like if someone says, how are you? But it’s just like, it’s funny.

Anyways, thank you for coming on. I’m excited to have you here. Um, I know we were talking before that I just, I, I found you on TikTok. I love your content, your banter, if you will. Um, and I think that’s just like perfect for this, um, for this podcast.

Um, so you are a labor and delivery nurse by day and you banter about pop culture at night. I mean, I don’t know if it’s necessarily at night. Tell us a little more about yourself. You, and, um, I’d love to hear more.

Antoinette: I am a day nurse. ’cause you know, there are some people who only do night shifts. I am, I’m a day girly.

Okay. I can’t, I can’t do the night shift stuff. So I am a labor and delivery nurse by day, but we do like 12 hour shifts, so I’m not working every day, but I do. Um, so it’s basically like three to four days a week that I am a labor and delivery nurse. And then basically at night or the days I have off, I do, um.

Or if I have a break or more of my breaks if I try to fit it in there, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Um, but yeah, that’s, um, then I’ll do my TikTok stuff, which, um, I actually only started a year ago. Um, my fiance was like, I loved watching reality tv, and then I was always searching for other people’s takes and stuff, and then also like calling my friends and being like, oh my God, da da da dah.

And then also telling him like, um, because he also watches with me now, so like, then I’m like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah. And he’s like, well, I mean, you’re always searching for it. You’re always watching people’s takes. Like, why don’t you like, do your own? And I was like, mm-hmm. Okay. Like, yeah, why not? So.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Antoinette: Yeah. And then it, the really fun.

The Reality TV Chaos Behind the Scenes

Christa Innis: What was, what was the first like, show or thing in pop culture that like either really took off or the first like content you made about, do you remember?

Antoinette: So the first content I made about was actually Love Island season six.

Christa Innis: Oh, okay.

Antoinette: Yeah. And uh, it honestly like, really, ’cause I was getting really revved up because I felt like people were like really misunderstanding Serena and being like, oh, she doesn’t like Cordell.

And I was like, I think she does, I think she’s just like really protecting herself. Um, and so then I I, I was like feeling fired up about it and I was like, okay, fine, I’m gonna do it on this one. Um, but I feel like something that, like, I feel the season it wasn’t Love Island that like, I think really spearheaded things.

Like, for me, like, I think I got a lot of exposure during The Love Is Blind DC um,

Christa Innis: Ooh, I’m trying, yeah. I, I watched Love Is Blind. Trying to remember who, who was on that one.

Antoinette: Um, uh, Lier. Uh, we call him. I, um, Tyler, is it Tyler? I feel like I’m not, I only call him Lier, but like, because he lied. Oh my God. He like had those three children and it was like, there was all this drama about like, um, how he had these two children, but he called them sper donors and then his fiance like, believed him and like there was all like, and then his baby mama came out to be like, no.

Like, the first one was a sperm donor situation, but the other two were not. Like, we made those ourselves.

Christa Innis: Wow.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I must have stopped right before that season ’cause they don’t look familiar to me. I just.

Antoinette: Okay.

Christa Innis: I like religiously watched it in the beginning and then like, I think I watched the first three seasons and then I just like shot. There’s like, oh my God, there’s a new season. Wait, there’s a new season. It was wild.

Antoinette: There’s so many, like it’s so, honestly I feel like there’s like almost three feels like, but I think there’s like two seasons a year. That’s what. I think there’s like two seasons a year, but it feels like there’s three. Like I feel like there’s always one coming out.

Christa Innis: There’s always, yeah. Because I think if you like sleep on it for a little bit, all of a sudden there’s another one.

Antoinette: Yeah. Yeah. Netflix is really on their zoom with it, honestly. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And the first one came out in like 2020. Right. Because I feel like I remember being locked down.

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: And I was like, I’m about to binge watch this show. I care what it is. It was that in Tiger King that I was like, what’s going my.

Antoinette: Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. I forgot about that. That was so good.

Christa Innis: That was wild. My husband and I were just like, what is this?

Antoinette: That was insane. Oh, that was good tea. That was good tv. And we weren’t doing anything like we were locked in.

Christa Innis: We were living for, yeah, we were living for like, like.

Antoinette: You said, like any morsel.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The, the pods. ’cause they must have started. Because I feel like the pods were because of COVID. I don’t know, maybe it was written before that. I don’t know.

But those, I dunno, man. I feel like it really took off because of like, everyone was at home just watching TV and then they’re like, what’s this show? Okay, I guess we’ll watch it. And then it just blew you up on so.

Antoinette: And then blew up. And then Lauren and Cameron, I mean they’re still like the the, what’s it called?

Christa Innis: Yes. I love them.

Antoinette: You know, they’re just so, and now you know, Lauren’s pregnant, so that’s just so beautiful.

Christa Innis: Honestly, they’re just so that I love them. Yeah, from the beginning. ’cause they were just so like, and I always feel like the first season, they’re the most like real because they’re not in it all for the tv. ‘Cause they don’t know how big the show’s gonna be. They’re like, well let’s try it out. But seasons after, I feel like people just sign up. ’cause they’re like, oh, I’m gonna get social media famous.

Antoinette: A hundred percent. And we’re like really seeing that now, especially like. I, I think it was Love is blind. You really want them to be genuine because like, you’re gonna get married.

Like, you know, and I think some of these other ones, dating ones, it’s like, it doesn’t necessarily fully have to be genuine, but like, I do think a lot of them, like love is love island. I do think people, you know, people wanna be influencers, like, you know, but at the same time they’re pretty young and you’re not thinking of marriage or just thinking of dating.

So they could actually end up liking each other and dating. And it doesn’t have to be like, but like with Love is Blind. I do think people are like, they wanna be influencers, but then it’s like you end up having to think about like, are you willing to get engaged and married to somebody just to be an influencer?

That’s pretty big.

Christa Innis: That’s wild.

Antoinette: Yeah. The concept is wild to me. Like when they were like moving them into these apartments together, I was like, you don’t this, you don’t know this guy. Like

what are you doing? Nothing about them. You don’t just what they told you on the other side. Just like what we found about life.

Like, you know, nothing. Mm-hmm. Like whatever they decide to tell you. And I do think there’s a lot of people who like. In these later seasons into finding out some really messed up stuff. Really? And like, like one of the girls, I think on UK like Sabrina, she was like, he didn’t even have his own place. Like he was living with like roommates and then he like wasn’t even willing to go, like they were living in different parts of the uk.

He wasn’t even willing to go, go see her. But like, he couldn’t even afford to, so she didn’t even know that like, oh wait, like you actually really like aren’t in a place. I mean, it’s one thing if you like start dating someone and you know, they’re like financial status, but like, I really do think they should check.

I was like, are you even in, even in a place to be married, you know, to like, to put somebody first to even financially support yourself. Like in a good well, or like, not, there’s anything wrong with having roommates, but you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Like this guy I think was like 37 and like she, I think he didn’t really give all those details, which I think a lot of people would assume at three seven, like, okay, you might not have everything together, but you probably financially

are.

Christa Innis: A little more.

Antoinette: A little bit more

Christa Innis: established.

Antoinette: Established, yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I think, or at least like con like. Communicate about like, Hey, I had some financial issues, or This is what’s going on here. Because there was that other guy, I don’t know what season this was, maybe two or three, where they got like towards the end and it came out. He had all this debt and there was something like he was lying about, I can’t remember their names, I can’t remember their names, but I know what you’re talking about.

We weren’t like parody a lot.

Antoinette: Social media. I know what you’re talking about. Wait, shoot. Uh, I don’t remember. Yeah, I dunno means there, but yeah, but there’s that too. And it’s like if you get married, your dad, your dad is their dad. Like so that can really mess somebody stuff up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That was, oh, there wa one of the first couples, Barnett.

Antoinette: Yeah. Amber and Barnett. Amber, yeah.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. They, that was something like, she was like, Hey, I have a lot of debt, and they like moved in together. He had a, he had a house already, but I think he like sold it to help pay for the debt. I mean, as far as I know, they’re still together, so, I mean.

Antoinette: Yeah. And they have a kid like, and they were like.

Christa Innis: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Antoinette: Yeah. They were child and everything and she, yeah, she, but she was upfront about it. Yeah, they, she, she was upset about it, so like, or married. So it’s one of those things where it’s like, if you know all that stuff and you’re still willing, then that’s, that’s one thing. Like she was upfront about it. He was still willing.

So it’s like, okay, cool. That’s, that’s on you, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like reality TV is just like wild to me. I feel like Bachelor, I used to watch Bachelor pretty regularly too, and then I kind of just like, then Bachelor in Paradise was like fun ’cause they all come together.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But I’ve kind of slowly stopped watching because I feel like they always just go on to be like, influencers and I’m just like, I don’t know.

I can’t really get into it anymore. It’s just.

Antoinette: Yeah. I honestly have never, I mean, I keep trying for mo mostly for content. Like, every time it comes out I’m like, okay, I’m gonna try and I just can’t get into it. So it’s like, you’ll, you’ll probably see every, you’ll probably see me, make me make one post and then just nothing else because I’m like, I just can’t get into it.

Like, I feel like it’s so overly produced too, and it just feels so fake. Like. You found 20 men or 20 women that are interested in this one person. Mm-hmm. Not saying that they couldn’t all necessarily, but like you didn’t, it’s not like they met this person. They were like, oh, the, you, they, the 20 people met this person, or you had them meet like a hundred people and these are the 20 that were like, oh, I’m actually interested in this person.

Like, you just found 20 people or whatever. Mm-hmm. I was like, it just doesn’t feel organic and then it’s just vying for one person. It just feels weird, honestly. Like.

Christa Innis: Totally.

Antoinette: I love dating shows, but that one, that’s just one I can’t get into.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, and you make it such a good point because, and it, it brings me back, ’cause again, I haven’t watched probably in like five plus seasons.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But it’s like, they’re like, oh, he’s my dream guy, she’s my dream girl. And I’m like, you would’ve said that about any person they brought on as a bachelor master. Right. And be no unbeknownst to you, like last season they were a nobody. You know what I’m saying? Like, they came on as like a random person too. It’s like exactly. I dunno.

Antoinette: I was like, you literally know nothing about these people. Uh, most of ’em don’t even get like, really a lot of screen time. So it’s like you just saw like a couple dates with whoever they were with on last season, and then now you’re like, that’s your dream person. Like. You don’t know anything about them, like Yeah, and I feel like we also saw that with Jen, like obviously like ev, all those men basically didn’t even know it was gonna be Jen.

They thought it was gonna be, what’s her name, that other, that other girl that was like really famous on Joey’s season. They all thought it was gonna be a. Somebody a different bachelorette, and that set her up for complete failure, honestly. Like, and then, ugh, that scammer Devin, like that was whole, I mean, like, I like tried to, but I was like, I mostly was like scrolling, watching things because, because I was like, I keep up with it, but I’m like, I can’t watch a whole episode.

And I, I literally can’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know every once in I went.

Antoinette: You’re like two hours long too. I’m like, ah, Jesus.

Christa Innis: I know it’s, well, there’ll be like three hour season finale and I’m like, who’s got the time?

Antoinette: But why? And most of it’s not even needed. I was like, okay, this really could have been cut down.

Christa Innis: Literally.

Antoinette: Like, there’s just like a lot of different montages with like music. It’s just so gimmicky.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s literally them picking out rings, walking down the street through tears in their eyes, picking out their dress. And I’m like, Ugh, come on. She’s like, speed it up. Speed it up. Please. We can do this all in 10 minutes.

Let’s just tell us who picked who she picked. Yes, I know. It’s wild. Like I just, yeah. I. Props with anyone that goes on. I just, that’s just not, yeah. Not my cup of tea. That’s why I like Bachelor in Paradise better. So I have a confession. I’ve never watched Love Island. Oh, it’s everywhere. But this last season makes me wanna watch because the, the viral like sounds and stuff.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But maybe I should try it. I’ve had people tell me to watch it.

Antoinette: I think you should. I think I would watch, like, watch season six of the U of USA. Okay. I think season five and season six of USA are really good. Um, the uk I also think season five of UK is really, really, really good. Okay. Um, UK It started in uk so there’s like a lot more seasons.

Um, even Love Island Australia, I can’t remember what season. It wasn’t the latest one I think, or it was the one before last was really, really good. So I do, I really love, love Island. I feel like it’s just. Like, you know, people are on there to be influencers, but it’s also just like a dating show. You know?

Like, I mean, they’re all dating shows, but you know what I mean? But it’s also just like, uh, people being there. They get to meet each other, they get to, and like, there are definitely, you’re gonna, like, a lot of them are good looking. You’re gonna like somebody, you know what I mean? They all, and then there’s just like more like organic drama as well as they don’t allow them to get drunk.

Like the, each day they get like maybe this amount of alcohol. That’s it. Okay. I like that. Um, so it also feels like not, so you’re not as worried about some of the, like, you know what I’m talking about? Like, uh, possible things that can happen if people are like inebriated, like, you know, that they’re making decisions sober.

Um, especially if there’s anything like sexual that goes on, right. Especially because with that, you know, you do end up in there, they do end up sleeping in the same bed as the guy, as a couple that they choose and all that stuff. So, um, and they do seem to have, like, even though I feel like this season in the USA, they did not do very good job of like really doing background checks. There’s a lot of racial stuff coming out. Um.

Christa Innis: I did think that about someone.

Antoinette: Yeah. So they really haven’t like, done good background checks on people, but like in general, I do think they have some pretty cool things in place, like consent wise, like there, there’s just a light that they have in the back of the bed.

Like, so if things start happening, both people have to press it to be like, I consent to what’s happening. And if it’s not pressed, then production gets involved in like no stuff.

Christa Innis: Oh, okay. That’s a good step. Because I remember hearing years ago, like bachelor, something like happened on one of the shows and they like limit them now to certain alcohol too, because people would be like getting inebriated and saying stuff or doing inappropriate things.

Um, that was a bachelor in Paradise thing too. I remember. They were like, oh, we’re only allowed to have like. Two drinks an hour or one drink an hour maybe. Oh, wow. Because yeah, you see, yeah.

Antoinette: With them it’s literally one glass and that’s it.

Christa Innis: Wow.

Antoinette: Like there’s, there’s a whole usually scenes at night where like there, or sometimes at night where you’ll see a scene where they like, are all going up to this table and it’s just like, there’s drinks sitting out already with like a little umbrella.

And that’s, that’s their serving of their alcohol, who they get.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Antoinette: Well that’s, I know. I was like, that’s, I, I just think it’s like, it makes you feel a little bit better, but not that like, there’s not any, some type of like, oh my God, these like crappy men on here, whatever. Right, right. But I was like, well, now you know that this person’s.

Crappy sober. Okay. Like they, they’re just.

Christa Innis: He got no excuse. No, no. I know. It’s crappy.

Antoinette: It’s not a drunk child. This is who this person is. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that sounds better too when there’s like multiple, like couple possibilities and not just like one guy and a million girls and vice versa.

Yeah.

Um, and I feel like it also gives like the bachelor, bachelorette or whatever type of show it is when there’s just one guy fending for all these women. It gives them like this like false sense of like, oh, I’m the hottest guy in the room at all times. And it’s like, you’re the only guy, like they would find a rock hot next to you.

Antoinette: You know what I’m saying? Honestly though, like the, the only reason this is working, working is ’cause a, a scarcity mindset that is literally fabricated for this show. Yeah. If you were in any other situation, there would be plenty of other options. Like you are literally the only option that they’ve given.

Yes. So they are, they have to fight for you to stay on the show. Like, remember that? Yes. Like this is like, remember that they’re fighting to stay on the show. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. They’re deprived of any other men, so they’re like, well, this is my dream. Yeah. It’s so, this is my dream man because he’s only man. Oh my God, that’s so funny.

I, yeah, I feel like we would just think too, too logically about that to be on, on a show.

Sisterly Showdown at the Bouquet Toss: Wedding Drama You Won’t Believe!

Okay. So. A little more back about your content. Like what kind of, so I know you’re kind of, you were always talking about your own banter and couldn’t really find anyone that talked about it the way you did. So when did you kind of start seeing it, like take off and do you remember like the first video that really like blew up or, uh, and you said you talked about Love Island, but like, was there one type of content that you’re like, this is it, like people are really connecting or resonating with what I’m saying?

Antoinette: Um, I feel, I mean like Love Island, I started, I feel like I do really feel like it was like love is Blind that like that season that, um, and I think even for me Too, I was around then, like I started like last August. Mm-hmm.

Like around last august for season six and then I. We’re still posting and stuff, but it wasn’t really like, I think last October was when That Love Is Blind came out October, November.

Um, and that’s also when I felt like I was also taking it more like, okay, I’m gonna post every day. I’m gonna like, really, really cover this whole season, you know? ’cause I didn’t even fully cover the whole season of Love Island. Uh, love Island season six. So with the elevens blind season seven, I was like, okay, I’m really gonna, like, I’m gonna post every day.

I’m gonna like, you know, and so I was like also being more intentional about posting. And so I don’t remember what Post was like went, but it, I do remember all of a sudden, like my views started going up. And then also I went from like, I feel like a thousand to like 10,000, like within, within that like between like end of October and November.

Um, and that’s when like, I. Like, like blew, blew up. Like, and I felt like then people were really like also sending me things like, oh, I need to know your take. I need to, and so I got started getting more of that, being like, oh, we haven’t, like, did you see this? Did you see that? Like, and people writing those type of comments, um, or like getting tagged in other people’s videos, like, you know, for certain stuff.

So yeah, I, it was definitely that, that, um, that I felt like I, I started to get a little bit more known and a little bit more, um, like settled in like my like niche or my niche and like my persona, you know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. So do you have any shows that you, like currently watch that you kind of, that you wish more people knew about so you could like commentate on them more? Or are you mainly in the reality like love dating show type?

Antoinette: Um, I mean, I watch a lot of different tv honestly. So like, um, I mean, like, I mostly comment on reality tv. Yeah. Um, and mostly like the, yeah. The loved ones. I try to get into the gaming ones. Like I tried to get into Big, big Brother. Mm-hmm. I just like, it’s, I don’t really understand it, you know, like, and it is also like, there seems to be so much going on, like, so I, I tried this and, and it, it failed.

I don’t know, it didn’t work out for me, but I’m gonna try again. Another, because I really, everyone watches Big Brother. I’m like, I really wanna understand it. Um, okay. But let me answer your question.

Christa Innis: Special Forces.

Antoinette: Special Forces. I haven’t watched that.

Christa Innis: No. I feel like you would like it. It’s like reality, but it’s so like. It’s intense. Like, and there’s reality. Okay, so it’s reality stars put on a competition show, so they’re competing to win special forces. And like they’ve had people like, like Hannah Brown or Nick Vile, or, I’m trying to think of other people. They’re bachelors, but like other, like, there’s, um, celebrities.

Um, so the woman that dated like Travis Kelsey, um, like ca what’s her name? Casey, gosh not, I think of her name. Kayla, Kayla, Nicole. So like, she was on, so like, people like that are big, like celebrities, um, athletes, reality TV stars, and they compete and it’s like really tough competition. They work with actual people from special forces and it’s like intense.

It’s good though ’cause you get the drama, but you also get, like, you see them like. Trying their best to like win at this competition.

Antoinette: Yeah. Ooh, okay. I will have to check that out. I mean, like, I love anything with like drama, honestly. Yeah. I mean, also, like a lot of times on my content, I do like random TikTok drama.

Like, you know, like I, I think there’s also a lot stuff there that like randomly gets flown up for. Like, like I did the Louis Vuitton dress chocolate Louis Vuitton chocolate Yes. Drama. Um, and the girl with the, the dermatology thing that happened, that was like not washing her face, not doing anything. Her

Christa Innis: Yes. Whatever happened with that, was that out?

Antoinette: Um, she got a deal with Sarah V and started washing her face, basically.

Christa Innis: I could not tell if this was like a, um, what’s it called? Where they try to get people mad. What’s it called? Uh.

Antoinette: Rage bait.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I couldn’t tell if it was rage bait.

Antoinette: I couldn’t, I couldn’t either. Part of me feels like it was like, but then they also found like an old post, like a year ago of her having done the same thing, like, but from Reddit. So I don’t know. But Sarah v got involved and like got her to put moisturizer on, and then it started falling off, which I’m like, yeah, because you’re putting, it’s like, not like, uh, like yeah, it’s gonna fall off.

Like, but you have literally not touched your face and you’re building up dirt and old skin cells. Like, I mean, that’s, that’s what’s gonna happen. I mean, I also felt, you know what I mean? So it was like, so like I also do stuff like that where like, so my stuff is like, I have a DD, it’s a little bit a DD too, where I’m like, whatever I’m interested in.

Right. Whatever. I’m interested in that moment. Um, but it is definitely more like reality TV drama and then, um, like TikTok type of drama. Yeah. But I am interested in, like right now I’m watching Huntington Wives on Netflix, and I’m, I was thinking about like. Yes,

Christa Innis: I just heard about this. How is it?

Antoinette: It’s so good. Yeah. It’s so, so, so good. And like sometimes I will, like, I don’t always do, I don’t, for me it’s like not, it’s always, not always for views. So like, maybe I won’t get a lot of views on it. ’cause like, that’s not necessarily my main base. But like, um, like even severance, I did, I did a lot of posts on that because I love that show.

Okay. And I just wanted to talk, talk about it. I was like, somebody will, I was like, I just wanna talk about it.

Christa Innis: So people will come across it.

Antoinette: And yeah, some people will come across it, but like, yeah. So I do watch other things and so I, I guess, yeah, I guess sometimes I do wish that, like, I think it’s hard with the algorithm or from, or whatever, but like I could.

Like, find more people, it would be easier for people to find me that if I’m like doing stuff outside of the, like, reality tv, TikTok, drama, when I, when I am making those con those contents.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. It’s hard to know like what’s gonna like, take off or what people are gonna like, resonate with. Yeah. But that like TikTok drama stuff, man, that like, it goes like fast.

It’s like you gotta like hop on it fast because before you know it, if I don’t, don’t scroll for a couple days. ’cause sometimes like there’s like weeks where I just post and I’m like, I, I don’t have time to scroll or whatever. Yeah. Scroll. I’m like, wait, what’s this drama with so-and-so, what does she do to her?

And I’m like, okay, I have to find out who these people are. It’s wild.

Antoinette: Yes, yes. And some people are really, really on it. And I, and I know for me there’s, at first like I try to like for, you know, I have my. You know, some people it’s a little bit easier to do. I know like there’s some people I follow where it’s like, this is their full-time job.

So like they, they can scroll most of the day. And then like, for me it’s like, it’s not so like, I can’t, so like I, it’s like some stuff, like I’ll have some people write and be like, I want your ticket. I was like, I missed it. Like I missed it. I’m sorry. I was like, I literally do not have time right now.

Like, whatever was my schedule at that time, I’m like, I don’t have time to even comment on this. Like, I’m so sorry. Like, I’m catching babies. Like .

****************************************

Christa Innis: You were out there quite literally saving lives being, I know when you first told me you’re a labor and delivery nurse to her, I was like, how do you do it all?

I was like, you were literally an angel on earth. Oh my gosh.

Antoinette: I’m not sleeping very much.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like, I, I always knew nurses were amazing people. My grandma was a, was an ER nurse. Oh. And so I’m like, I always like heard about like, you know, working in the ER and everything, but then it’s like once I had my baby and I was like.

These nurses are just incredible. Like, you guys are just like amazing. So how, this is totally side note and everything, but like how did you get into labor and delivery and like, I mean ?

Antoinette: Well, yeah. I mean, so at first, like, my first like nursing job was actually as a transplant nurse. So I worked, um, inpatient for people on, on a unit that just did, um, uh, what was it called?

Kidneys, livers, um, and pancreatic, some lung transplants, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, but when I was in nursing school and I did my rounds, I like, I was like, when I, we did our labor rounds, I was like, I had like one. One shift where we like actually got to be in like the labor unit. We did a lot on Mother, baby.

Um, and I was like, oh, this is really fun. Like, I thought I would, like really enjoy it, but I was also a little bit scared because, you know, you can, some stats stuff can happen too, like losses and things. And I’m a very empathetic person. Like I’m one of those people, like, I will cry at movies, I’ll cry.

Like thinking about certain things will start to make me cry honestly. Like I, like I fox in the hound. Even just thinking about them talk will make me cry like you did. So I, I like really empathize very well with people. Like, so I, I was a little bit nervous, so like when I went to go get my first nursing job, I was like, I actually did apply for labor, but then I turned it down because I was like, I don’t know if I can handle it if something happened.

Like, but then I kept thinking about it and I kept thinking about it. Um, so then I was like, okay, I just need to do it. So then I stayed in the same hospital, but I just ended up applying and like, but it was basically ’cause I just kept thinking about it and I was like, I’m like just. I’m really interested.

Like, I was like, obviously I should like just do it then. Um, and so then, you know, it has been really good. Obviously when sad things happened, it says still really like, you know, touch me. Um, but I am able to deal with it. Uh, but like, you know, like everybody, there’s, it just is something that happens, but there’s just so many beautiful moments that happen.

There’s so, it’s so many, like being able to be there for women when they’re going through this, um, or be there for mothers, you know, not everyone identifies as women, but like, uh, being there for mothers when they, when they’re going through this, um. It just feels so beautiful and it, I really love being able to support that process, being able to support the baby and like just being there for that whole thing. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, I love that. No, I love hearing like how people got into nursing and stuff and like their department because, um, yeah, like I said, I was just like, I used to work for a mom and baby burn, and so like, I would talk to like, um, nurses and doulas and, and oh, you know, just people in the field and stuff.

So I’m always just so curious about it. I love, I love that, that kind of stuff. Yeah. Just a little, little side note, but yeah, why not?

Antoinette: I love that.

Christa Innis: Okay. Let’s get into the wedding portion of.

Antoinette: Okay. I’m excited. I didn’t know. I love drama. I was let as.

Christa Innis: Yes, we, we live for the drama here. It’s a good, uh, um, mental break from, from the world and all that, but, okay.

So starting off, do you have any like wild wedding stories or wedding stories that come to mind when you, when you first think of weddings?

Antoinette: Okay. Like, it’s not necessarily wild, but I, when it’s about me, then when, and it was something I was like younger, so I don’t even know why I was doing this, but like I, it was during my sister’s. My oldest sister’s wedding, and when it was the throwing the bouquet part, like, you know, we’re all like vying for it. And then it ends up being, I look up and it’s actually me and I’m like pulling, like, pulling, like trying to get this. And I, I think I just locked in. I was like, I don’t even know why. I’m like, I, what, how old was I?

Even like, I feel like I was like 17. Like I was like, I’m next. What was I doing? Like mean? Like, but I was like, I was like, I’m fighting for this. And then I look up and it was actually my other sister, like, so, and everybody else was gone.

Christa Innis: Do you guys actually pull poll at this?

Antoinette: Yes, we were pulling at this. I just feel like we locked in. Like, I don’t even think, I don’t even know what I was thinking, like, but I was like, I’m getting this. I, I got very competitive at the, but we both did apparently. Um, my other sister were sometimes I actually dating somebody, you know, and she was a little bit older so like, you know, like made more sense.

It just made more sense. Um. But it’s so funny to like watch the video ’cause it’s just like everybody else has gone and just watching us like literally pull for this thing and then like we, I look up and I was like, oh. And I let it go. I was like, oh. I was like, so sorry.

Christa Innis: Something just came over me. I’m sorry.

Antoinette: Yeah. I was like, I dunno what’s going on.

Christa Innis: Like, like the sister thing. We’ll just let them

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Figure it out.

Antoinette: Yeah. Gosh.

Christa Innis: I’ve been to weddings where people get pretty like, vicious over like the, the bouquet toss or like push people out the way. And I’m like, yeah guys, so it’s gonna be okay.

Antoinette: It’s, it’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine. I, but sometimes it’s just a competitive nature, you know? That takes over. I, I can’t tell you what I was thinking. I don’t think I was, I think, I think I just had it and I was like, it would.

Christa Innis: You’re like, okay, you can take it.

Antoinette: Yeah. I was like, oh, ooh. My bad dresser.

Christa Innis: It’s so funny ’cause I remember going like to weddings in like my early twenties, so I don’t even know if I was with my now husband yet, but like, I’d be at weddings and like I was in that mind frame where I was like, I don’t wanna get married for a while.

And the bouquet would come and I would just look at it and just step back. Yeah. I’m like, someone else take it. There’s been a few weddings like that where like no one grabs it and I’m like, oh man. We’re all just like.

Antoinette: Yeah. Like everyone’s like, oh, don’t, don’t jinx me. Yeah. Like we’re not

Christa Innis: Times have changed. Yeah, exactly. We’re waiting a little longer these days. No. Um, that’s so funny. Um, oh my gosh. I love that because, uh, it’s one of those things where like people are either like so into like the bouquet toss and garter toss and other people are like, no. Like, I always ask my audience like, what are your unpopular opinions?

And I would say like, I. Most of the time one of those come up as like, don’t do it. Like, people are like, don’t do the garter toss. It’s weird. Don’t do the bouquet toss. It’s starts fights. And I’m just like, it’s interesting how, how the dynamic has kind of changed on those.

Antoinette: Yeah. I do think, like, I think it’s one of those things where I think it can start, right?

But also I think it’s one of those things where like, it’s very easy to like get dangerous really quickly because like, yeah, people are like jumping and like, you know, there could be an elbow. Like, it’s not even like you’re trying to like do, but it’s like, I, I think for my own, I don’t think I probably would do it.

Like, just ’cause I don’t, I don’t know if anyone that’s coming would fight over it, but like, I also just like, don’t want any accident ac you know, any accidents to happen over, like just throwing this thing.

Christa Innis: I know I, I didn’t do them at my wedding and I was just telling someone a while back, but I was like, honestly, like I am not very um. Athletic. Yeah. So I could see myself throwing the bouquet, hitting someone in the face, separation, breaking something. So I’m like, not just not throwing anything.

Antoinette: But it might not even go where everybody is.

Christa Innis: How embarrassing would that be? I throw it. I don’t.

Antoinette: Exactly and I don’t want be embarrassed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, let’s just take that away. Um, yeah. I love that.

From TikTok Stunts to Bridal Party Boundaries: Wedding Drama Gets Real

Christa Innis: Okay. Here are some hot takes that people have sent in and we can just kind of share our opinions on them. Okay. Um, this says. If you need a content day during your wedding week, you’re not planning a marriage, you’re planning a pro, you’re producing a mini series.

So they’re saying, like, I, I’ve heard of this more, more and more now with weddings. Like people are so concerned with the overall look that they’ll like, do, like, they’ll plan out content like during their video or during their day. Like they’ll film stuff or do like, tiktoks have a TikTok section. Um, I’ve never been a part of one that does that, but yeah, either this person must have seen it.

Antoinette: So they’re saying if you’re planning con, then you’re, what? What’s that last part they said?

Christa Innis: You’re not thinking about planning a marriage, you’re more about producing, like producing something like a mini series.

Antoinette: Hmm. You know what I can see, I feel like I have two ideas about it. I can see how like, yes, I feel like that could be true for a lot of people where it’s like, if you’re so focused on that and.

Also like doing different con, I mean, I think financially too, like how much money are you putting into this? Are you thinking about your life later? All that stuff. But then I also can think like, hey, but maybe somebody is like a, like they really like tiktoks. They really like, you know what I mean? Like that’s kinda like their thing.

They’re like, they’re always doing like content stuff. So then why wouldn’t they have that to be a part of their wedding too? Because it’s representing them.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Um, and if this is how you envisioned it, I don’t think that’s a big deal. As long as like, as long as it’s not like, oh my God, like this, this, okay, you guys don’t do this TikTok, right.

Blah, blah, blah. Like, right. But if it’s like, if it’s just for fun and you’re like, I want my day to be full of like different times that I can capture the day and I want. Then, I don’t know. Do you boo?

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think if the other parties are okay with it and it’s like your day and you like, tell people we’re gonna do this, it’s fine.

I’ve seen Have you seen, did you see the TikTok drama talking about TikTok drama? There was a photographer that No, she was, this is okay. She was a makeup artist that was hired for a wedding. But, um, and there were other photo, there were photographers there, but she had her own plans for tiktoks to be filmed during the day.

So like, literally they were done with makeup and she is going around doing, having the bridesmaids and bride do tiktoks while they have like another timeline.

Antoinette: Wait, wait, wait. This is the ma and she was like, involved. Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Christa Innis: And then she caught in her car saying they treated her horribly kicking.

Antoinette: Yeah. Honestly, this is one of, one of my things that also blew up for me. Really? Like in the way, in the really beginning for me. Yes. Um, I know exactly. Oh my God, I remember this just of it. She was unhinged. Yeah, she was unhinged. Like even in the first look, she was like, she was there and in the photos making it all about her.

Yes. And the brides were crying. She’s like, okay guys. Okay. Like, that’s too much crying. I was like, why aren’t you still here? Yeah. She stayed the whole day. She stayed and then yeah, she kept making them do tiktoks. Then when it was time for like the after party for the reception, she was still trying to get tiktoks.

Yes. I, and then they tried to kick her. Yeah. Then they tried to kick her out and then she was like, she left and then she came back. She was like, no, you know what? I’m not gonna let them like bully me. And she went back. I was like, yes. I was like, no. It was crazy. I was like, I don’t understand why you’re not getting it, but you, she was like, oh my God, we were having such a good time.

We were kiking. And I was like, not for you to stay the whole day. No’s not for you to stay the whole day.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I didn’t make any said, oh, the groomsmen? Or, she said someone invited her and they were probably just like being like friendly. Like, oh oh, like in, no.

Antoinette: Yeah. Basically like, the bride, like, I think was like, kept being like, oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Like, and I think she like, just was just very kind, you know, like, and like maybe just didn’t wanna like do any confrontation. But then I, it wasn’t until like the groom later at the reception. Was like, okay. No. ’cause he was tired. Like, ’cause he didn’t actually agree to any of the things that the bride Right.

You know what I mean? Um, had said yes to and then the bride was like, no, no. Like he’s just upset. It’s okay. But then she left and it’s like, why didn’t you take the hint from the groom? Like, she’s like, well you know what, my bride, that’s what she said. She’s like, my bride wants me there. It’s like, no, she doesn’t.

Okay. But also it’s the groom’s wedding too. And he asked you to leave?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And leave how awkward that is. Like she’s probably just like, the bride’s probably just trying to enjoy her day. Doesn’t wanna start. Yes. ’cause in our minds, you know, it’s like, oh, I don’t wanna start drama. But it’s like, no, she’s literally viol, not violating, but like crossing all the boundaries at the wedding.

Antoinette: All the boundaries.

Christa Innis: She’s the makeup artist. She’s hired, she did her job. And I feel like she was even like drinking or something during makeup. Yes. Showing her drinking. Yes. All these things. And then what kills me is then like. She makes this video bashing the bride and groom showing the, like all their video footage before their, like, before they even posted to make herself look like the victim.

And I’m like, no.

Antoinette: Oh my God. I knew it. So left for her. Like no one would have even known about it if she didn’t make that video. Like the bride and groom, because they aren’t even social media people. They would not have even, no one even known about it.

Mm-hmm. She could have just have ruined this wedding and nobody would’ve known.

Yeah. But then she went online. I know she made this whole series blasted them, put their videos, their faces. Oh my God. That was crazy. Even like the bridesmaids were getting in the comments and being like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like this is not okay. And then somebody else, like there was another MUA that had worked with her in the past and she’s like, oh no, she’s unhinged.

She’s unhinged. Like, oh yeah. So much came out about that woman.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s, that’s wild when you’re putting your content in front of your client, like Yes. That’s the thing that like, like obviously like I love social media, I love like the connections and stuff, but you have to always put like your job first.

There’s so many people that are like, oh, I wanna create content. And it’s like, well this is not the place or the time. Like as a makeup artist Yeah. Do their before and after and be like, Hey, can I post this? You know? But you have to always check in with your client first. They might not wanna be posted and Yeah, they might not want you hanging out all day and.

Antoinette: Yeah. But she kept being like, well, they agreed to content, but they didn’t agree to like every single content that you like. I think she probably thought you were just doing the look content that a lot of like people do where it’s like, okay, they did the before and then they do the after. I didn’t think, she didn’t think you were gonna be following her around all day trying to get her.

It was like, I can’t remember. I can like hear the song in my head, but I can’t think of. I can’t say it all, but there was like, I can remember the TikTok thing that she was trying to make and she was just trying to go throughout the day. The groom, you were never even a part of the grooms party, but then you involved them. ‘Cause you’re like, well I need the grooms. And I was like, that’s when you know you’ve gone too far. Does it, does the content fit with the service that you’re doing? Right. I think you have to think about that. And does it fit within the timeframe of the service that you’re doing or are you going beyond that?

You know, also, like maybe you, if it’s something where like, I don’t, things are taking long, maybe you won’t get your content. Like, but exactly what you said, like the service should come first. Yeah. And then the content, like I, you know, like, but someone agreeing to make tiktoks with you doesn’t mean they’re agreeing to like literally every single thing that you came up under the sun.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no. 100%. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can’t believe that. Just like came back like that. That was one of those where like, I think I took a few days off and I came back on and like I got a couple messages. Someone tagged me, they’re like, Christa, can you please make a skit about this? I didn’t. I think I just kind of talked about it.

’cause I was like, it’s so fresh. Like, I don’t know, like this is kind of wild. Like yeah, I watched all the videos and I was like, oh my gosh, this is an unhinged, like seriously insane. Yeah.

Um, okay. This last hot take says reality TV. Weddings have convinced people that bridal parties are unpaid extras. Oh.

Antoinette: Um, interesting reality. Tv. Bachelor parties, they said weddings. Oh, our unpaid extras. Is this more like, I think they were saying that like people are taking advantage of the bridal party basically.

But I feel like people have been doing that for like, even before reality TV stuff.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t actually reality tv.

Antoinette: Yeah. I think it’s just some people do take advantage of the bridal party. Um, I think some people don’t realize that like, yeah, of course, like these people wanna be here for you. Um, but like, it’s not, and, and it’s like, it’s, it’s not like in, you can’t just like ask like endless amount of things. Um, you can’t also just ask people to like put all their money into your wedding or into like the bridesmaids dress or whatever, or, or whatever the makeup that they have to do or, you know, what have you.

Um, also like that whole year is not literally about you to. Everybody else in your life. Yeah. It’s like, it’s about you for you and your spouse, but like everybody else’s life is still going on. I mean, like, I have things to do. We got things to do, but I do know that I feel like there’s a lot of people who are like, you’re not really supporting me right now.

Like, I feel like you’re not doing enough for the way I was like, what are you talking about, dude? Like, I have a life. Like I will help you, but like, I’m not making a full-time job out of helping you for your wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. The world doesn’t stop because you’re getting married. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve seen wild stories where bridesmaids get mad or brides get mad because their bridesmaids are pregnant or their bridesmaids get, uh, also get engaged and it’s like you don’t get claims to the whole there, there.

I mean like I had two, uh, pregnant bridesmaids and I was like, don’t feel like you have to come to anything. Your baby and your health comes first.

Antoinette: Like yeah, I mean life happens. Like, if it’s not, like, let’s say like you had like a destination wedding and one of the people got pregnant, like on like, if, if it’s that time for me, my life for me that I wanna get pregnant, I’m gonna, I’m not gonna like be like, oh no, we gotta hold off a year.

Yeah. ’cause so and so’s, you know, just in case, like, that’s not what’s gonna happen. And I think that’s absolutely crazy when people do that. I think that’s like, literally you need to get your head checked. That’s not cool. Yeah. Like that. Like you’re, you’re way too self-centered. But I think a lot of times it’s like there are probably signs about that person.

Before, yeah. You know, before the wedding there were probably signs about the person that they were pretty selfish. Mm-hmm. Um, and then it just went to like, kind of the nth degree when they felt like they had an excuse to be their most selfish shelf.

Christa Innis: Yes. Like they hear it like, oh, it’s your bride’s day.

Antoinette: So they’re like, yep. The court. Yes, exactly. They’re like, okay, well now I get to be exact you know.

Christa Innis: Here’s my notebook. Yes. Oh my God, that’s so true. Because yeah, you hear it time and time again. It’s like, oh, it’s a bride’s day. It’s your moment. So then they’re like, oh, I’ve, I’ve been waiting for this.

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: But it’s not, that’s the funny part. It’s your day. It’s your day. Not your year. Not your year, your day.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And we gotta have, we gotta have, respect people’s life and their boundaries too.

Antoinette: Yes. A hundred percent.

Wedding Drama Rapid Fire: From Jealous Bridesmaids to Reality TV Proposals!

Christa Innis: Okay. Before we get to this week’s wild wedding story that we’ll react to, um, we’ll do a little quick rapid fire.

How does that sound? Okay. In addition, okay. Would you rather deal with a jealous bridesmaid or an attention hogging groomsman?

Think hard, long, and hard about this one.

Antoinette: Yeah. Um, I guess an attention hogging groom has been, I guess, a little bit. ’cause I feel like I, for me personally, I feel like I would be a lot easier to talk to that person and be like, tone it down. Yeah. Like I, ’cause I would not have a problem be like, I love you so much, but you gotta tone it down. You’re doing too much.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Versus somebody who is jealous. I don’t know if I would know that they’re being jealous or if they’re like, you know, kind of being stink face or whatever. Or like, or like eat subconsciously or consciously sabotaging things. So I feel like I wouldn’t want that type of negativity.

Christa Innis: Yep.

Antoinette: On my day.

Christa Innis: That’s a great point. Yeah. Um, would you rather your wedding TikTok flop? So like if something bad happened at your wedding or, or your honeymoon get leaked?

Antoinette: Uh oh. Would I rather have a, so I either the TikTok I have be like a flop, like someone said, let, like my wedding was a flop.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like if you had like a wedding TikTok, um, like maybe you like, posted about your wedding as a TikTok and it didn’t do well, is how I’m reading it.

Yeah.

Um, or your honeymoon, like videos from your honeymoon or photos from your honeymoon get leaked. I don’t know. Like Oh, like your,

Antoinette: I I was, I know. I was like, right. I was like, what? I was like, what type of leak? I was like, what we, I was like, I was like, what are we talking about? I’m nervous I didn’t write these.

Um, I guess like, I wouldn’t mind having a TikTok flop. I probably would think it was funny.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s ’cause it’d be more for me anyways if I.

Antoinette: Yeah. Just in case. There could be lots of different meanings for the leak. I’d rather have nothing leaked, just to be clear. Yeah. Just to, just to like, just in case nothing leaked.

Christa Innis: I know, I feel like the word leaked just sounds like celebrity leak. Like Yeah. Oh, there, this got leach. Um, okay. Would you rather have your wedding go viral for the wrong reasons? Or have no one shared at all?

Antoinette: No one shared at all.

Christa Innis: Yeah, same. Would you rather find out your fiance applied to a reality dating show after your engagement or that your proposal was filmed for a pilot episode you didn’t know? These are wild.

Antoinette: What the, is this, I guess, um, the film for, for, for a pilot? I didn’t know because like what the actual f*ck if you just, sorry. With the actual flip, if you just, I didn’t know if you could curse something. I was like, it’s all good. Okay. If you just, like, you got engaged to me and then you just applied to a dating show?

Christa Innis: Dude, there’s been people on Bachelor that has come out, like they have like girlfriends at home. This happens and you, the thing is why I’m sure, well, cheaters, I feel like, just don’t think about this, but they’re like, yeah, you don’t think it’s ever gonna come out. Exactly. You don’t thinking at home, like clicking and being like recognize.

Antoinette: Thank you. The internet with the, like, have you not? Are you new?

Are you new to the world now? Like the internet is like, especially with TikTok, things like information moves by fast. People are detectives. Okay. If you’re on there, they’re gonna find you and everything about you. So. Like, people always think like, oh, I can just hide it. No, you can’t. No. It’s no one else has been able to.

Christa Innis: Someone’s always watching, especially nowadays. Oh my gosh, Coldplay concert.

Antoinette: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Christa Innis: Someone’s always watching. Yes.

Antoinette: And the funny, if they had just not ducked, if they had just not ducked, that wouldn’t have been a thing.

Christa Innis: Yes. Seriously. No one would’ve even thought twice about it. But the funny thing is, someone, do you see the behind the scenes, someone was behind them and realized later, like they had videos of them like kissing before that happened. Oh, they were like literally behind the couple.

Antoinette: Yeah. I didn’t see that. Ah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So I’m like, oh my God. But like literally, they would’ve just been like, oh, it’s a cute couple. Yeah. Never would’ve thought anything about if they weren’t like, whoa. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, it wouldn’t, the smelling front. Oh my gosh.

Antoinette: No. Right. Yeah. It wouldn’t have been a thing.

Christa Innis: All right, last one. Would you rather have your wedding edited by Netflix or produced by Bravo?

Antoinette: Ooh. Edited by Netflix or produced by Bravo, um, I guess edited by Netflix, produced by Bravo. Ooh. I don’t know, dude, that, that’s kind of like, I, I like Netflix shows, so let’s just say edit it by Netflix.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I like it.

A Tale of Jealousy, Selfishness, and Boundaries!

All right, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. Are we, we still okay on time? I know we’re, yeah.

Antoinette: Yeah. No, I’m good. I love bantering.

Christa Innis: I feel like we’re doing a.

Antoinette: Yeah, no, I’m having fun. No, we’re good.

Christa Innis: Okay, cool.

Antoinette: Okay. I’m off today, so we’re.

Christa Innis: We got time. Alright, cool. Yeah.

Um, okay. So as always, I have not read this, this will be a blind reaction. Let’s just see how we go. Feel free to stop me if you want. Um, otherwise we’ll, just as you know,

Antoinette: I might have questions. I’ll let you know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, all names have been changed, so here we go.

This story starts about two and a half years ago. Around six months before I got engaged. I was on a pontoon boat with my friends, their boyfriends, and my now fiance Ryan. One of my friends, Brooke, asked Ryan if he had any plans to propose in the future.

At that point, we’d been together for a little over a year, so it was still fairly early. But we had already talked about marriage, so it wasn’t a totally random question. Ryan told Brooke and my other friend Erica, that he actually planned on proposing in August, which was about two months from when they were having this conversation. I was on the other side of the pontoon boat and had no idea this was even happening. Next thing I know, I look over and see Erica sulking in the corner of the boat, glued to her phone and refusing to talk to anyone. We were only about an hour into a six hour rental, so things weren’t off to a great start.

I asked Brooke if she knew why Erica was upset, and she told me that when the topic of proposals came up, Erica made a comment to her boyfriend who was also on the boat, and they’d been together for three years at the time. Um. Asking when he was going to propose and he replied with something dismissive like, don’t hold your breath. Ooh. Which upset her. Yeah. Like then starts the comparison, right? Yeah. Uh, for the rest of the rental, Erica sulked and barely spoke.

After we got off the boat, she immediately returned to her hotel. Instead of joining the group for dinner the next day, she texted me asking why I didn’t make more of an effort to comfort her. I explained that it wasn’t fair for her to exec expect me to come spend my entire birthday consoling her over something I had no control over.

Okay. Fast forward six months, Ryan and I get engaged on a beach. Brooke was there because she helped Ryan plan and execute the proposal. Afterward, Ryan and I FaceTimed friends in film me to share the news. When I FaceTimed Erica to show her the ring, oh gosh. The first thing she said to me was, Ew. He let you have red nails for your proposal. Jealousy. Not a pretty.

Antoinette: What the, oh my God. That’s not a friend.

Christa Innis: This is kind of ironic. ’cause yesterday I did like a, like a different kind of video and I was like, pretending to be, I said, your best friend of me just found out you’re engaged.

Antoinette: Oh, I think I saw that. I saw that.

Christa Innis: I said something like that. I’m like, oh, I didn’t know you liked that. Kind of, you know? Yes. That’s literally like that kind of comment, like why would you say that to someone?

Antoinette: That is so rude. Like, and I feel like jealousy is a normal emotion. I do like, I don’t like, people are like, oh, we, I was like, I don’t think you should like down people for having feelings of jealousy. It just is like information for you. Like it’s not necessarily that you dislike the person or whatever. It’s like there’s something going on with you that you are that. You’re looking for. Do you what I mean? And that that person has, it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s not something you can have. It’s just like, it’s some, it’s information. That’s how I think of it more. It’s information. And if you don’t actually take in that information, then I think jealousy can get out of hand. Obviously this person, jealousy got out of hand. Yes. ’cause for her to be outwardly so rude and dismissive to her friend during such a, a beautiful moment. And the fact that she also thinks of you, thinks of you so much that she calls you during that beautiful moment. And that’s the first thing you say is like, what the flip? Yeah. Like you need to get, you need to internally look.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Like you’re, yeah, you’re letting that jealousy like take over you when it’s like, yeah. You could have like feelings of being like, oh, I wish that was me first, or that yeah. Kind of sucks, but I wouldn’t be really happy for my friend because she’s my friend.

Antoinette: Yeah, a hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Um, it says I was in such a good mood that I brushed it off. Okay, good. At least Elisa didn’t ruin the moment.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, she gave me a half-hearted congratulations. And we moved on later. Our families had planned a small celebration at our house. Erica and her boyfriend came out but barely said anything to me and left about an hour later.

I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, assuming she might be having an off day, despite everything. I still asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. There we go. That gut feeling like she’s already showing signs. Um, when I started organizing hangout so the bridesmaid could get to know each other, Erica always made excuses not to come.

Her reasons ranged from anticipating she’d be too tired or needing to attend a half birthday party for a six month old. What’s a half birthday? Oh, a six month old, like half birthday. I get it. Um, to simply not liking who does.

Antoinette: Six and a six and a half?

Christa Innis: No, I was like, wait, what? Um, to simply not liking the location.

Weird. Not going to your friend to hang out ’cause you don’t like the location.

Okay. While planning the bachelorette trip, I mentioned feeling sad that one of my bridesmaids Tessa wouldn’t be able to make it because she lives in Arizona. Erica responded, I’m so jealous of Tessa living in another state gets her out of so many of these events.

Okay. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Antoinette: Okay. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I wanna be here.

Antoinette: Okay. Yeah. Honestly, I I, if it was me, I’d be like, girl girly. What’s going on?

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Like what is happening here? Like you’ve been saying, I’ve been letting it go, but you’ve been saying way too many things. We need to talk.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Like, ’cause that’s just rude. Like, that’s just rude. You don’t have to come, like, don’t do me any flipping favors. Okay. Okay. Like, don’t do me any, this what.

Christa Innis: You’re gonna ruin it being there. I’d rather.

Antoinette: Yeah. You are ruining it. Like you’re ruining everything. You’re making me feel bad. Like you’re, you’re putting in digs, like trying to make me feel bad about myself.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That’s, oh gosh. She’s like putting all the signs out there.

Antoinette: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay. She says I wish I had a solid excuse not to come to the bachelorette trip, so that that was her end. That’s it. Yeah. That’s your excuse. Like don’t come friend.

Antoinette: You don’t need, I’d be like, you don’t even need one. You’re uninvited. Yeah. It’s done. Done.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Antoinette: That is, I would literally be like, don’t you? I would literally say that most likely I’d be like, you don’t even need one you’re uninvited.

Christa Innis: If someone’s gonna be that mopey and like.

Antoinette: Oh yeah, I wish I had a solid excuse. And you’re saying that to me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Yeah. No.

Christa Innis: There you go. Bye.

Antoinette: Yeah. Yeah. That, that’s your excuse right? There you have it.

Christa Innis: Um, okay. She goes frustrated. I said, if you don’t wanna come, then you should stay home. Okay, good. She replied that would, that she would def look bad if she didn’t go.

Antoinette: So you look bad by not by saying this, you already, what do you mean You obviously don’t care about looking bad? ‘Cause you look bad right now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. How can you really care about looking bad if you say that? So it’s like, it’s more about everybody else, what everyone else thinks versus your best friend or one.

Antoinette: Yeah. You don’t care about me or what I think because you’re saying all this to my face. Yeah, to my face. Like, you’re being rude and mean to my face.

So it’s not, it’s not about me. It’s like, okay, what other people would it look bad for then?

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh.

Um, while shopping for bridesmaid dresses, Erica told me she struggles when people get married before her. Really? Did they? Right. Not also, why are we telling her this at bridesmaid dress shopping again, like a wedding event for her. Don’t go if you’re gonna make it about you.

Antoinette: Like honestly, at this point, this is where the introspection we need to come in. And it’d be like, I’m in a weird place. I can literally, I don’t know why, but I can literally not be happy for you right now. Mm-hmm. I want to be, I know I should be, but I’m in a bad place.

Yeah. Like, honestly, I should just be like. I can’t do this and cut it out, like mm-hmm. But not, I feel like a lot, not a lot of people are like self-aware like that, where it’s like, I’m just not able to do this.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If it’s gonna bother you that much and every little thing you’re gonna bring up how you’re not married yet, or you’re not engaged yet, that’s a problem.

Antoinette: Yeah. You’re gonna be rude to your, to your friend. It’s, this is supposedly your friend.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Like, you’re gonna be rude to them, put them down, make them feel bad about all the events that are happening around this wedding. Like, then just, then just see yourself out, like, you know what I mean? Like, be a friend and don’t go.

Right. Like that would be the way you’re being a friend. If like I’m, if I’m, I’m literally not able to control myself at this point because I’m so jealous that I need to not be involved.

Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%.

Um, she goes, especially when they haven’t been with their partners as long as she has.

Antoinette: Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Doesn’t matter.

Antoinette: Erica. Get over it.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Okay. Dump your partner and get a new one. Then. I don’t know, like, if, if the issue is that, then maybe you should like not be with your partner. If they, obviously, obviously I don’t think she should be with her partner. If her partner said something along the lines of like, oh, what’s it called?

Christa Innis: Don’t hold your breath.

Antoinette: Don’t hold your breath. You shouldn’t be with that. You shouldn’t be with that person.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like you’re more mad at him, I think. Yeah. You’re not mad at your friend and you’re letting him dictate how you feel about your friend, which you should be happy for her. I think you need to turn the anger maybe to him.

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: You guys are on different timelines.

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, but also like why even if you’re on different timelines, why would that be your answer to somebody asking about when we’re getting married? Yeah. Don’t hold your breath. Your breath. You obviously don’t like me. If that’s, if that’s like, if that’s your answer, that’s rude.

Yeah. It’s one thing to be like, I’m not ready. Gonna be like, don’t hold your breath. Okay. You, you don’t like me. Then like, you always like, you don’t care about me or my feelings, like.

Yeah. The fact that he was so quick to be like, don’t hold your breath. Not like, don’t worry, we’re gonna get married. I’ve got something planned. Or just like, I need another year. You know, whatever.

Antoinette: Or can we talk about it later? Like, can we talk like not on this boat when Yeah. Not on this boat. You, you might not be happy with my answer. Let’s talk about it in private.

Christa Innis: Might ruin your whole day.

Antoinette: Yeah, exactly right. Ruins everybody’s day and year, apparently.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh.

Um, she said she felt she should be getting married before me. Oh, now it’s clear before me. Because of the length of her own relationship. Length does not dictate any of that. It does not ever. It really doesn’t ever. Oh my gosh. It really doesn’t.

I wanted to suggest that she stepped down as a bridesmaid, but I avoided the confrontation because I knew it would end our friendship.

Antoinette: Well, maybe, but this is not ending your friend. This should have ended your friendship.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: This should have ended your friendship. I think this girl’s being way too much of a pushover because like, this should have ended your friendship. Why are you worried about ending? Like how is this not ending it?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Like all the signs are there from the outside. I’m like, these signs are so big and red that I’m like you. Yeah. As red. Those nails that you got proposed.

Antoinette: Yeah, exactly.

Christa Innis: They are, they’re they’re like flashing at me.

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: Um, for the bachelorette trip, a joint bachelor and bachelorette weekend. Erica texted me the week before saying her boyfriend couldn’t take time off work. So they probably would, would come late.

Okay. Despite multiple brides, I thought she was gonna say, so they probably wouldn’t come. And I was gonna be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Despite multiple bridesmaids offering to drive her so she could come on time, she refused. That’s another, that’s weird. If it’s one of my best friends, I’d be like, sorry, you have to work a boyfriend.

I’m going without you like, yeah. What, what, I’m sorry. I’m not wasting, wasting my time. Um, she and her boyfriend finally arrived Friday night just as we were heading to karaoke the karaoke bar. At the bar they stood apart from everyone else repeatedly asked when we were leaving and complained about how much they disliked it.

Antoinette: Why did you come? They both did?

Christa Innis: Apparently. Like what?

Antoinette: What was the point of coming then? Like, you just, like, you just like ob you want to ruin people’s time.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. You’re just miserable, unhappy people.

Antoinette: Yeah. Like, you are, you’re being miserable and you’re trying to make everyone else miserable. Like, and I have like, I’m one of those people where like, I’m like, I feel like I give so much grace where I’m like, you know, if somebody’s like in a bad place, you know, or like, and you know what?

Maybe you are miserable. Okay. But like, are you spreading your misery? That’s what I’m really asking. Like, I mean like, are you spreading your misery? And that’s what’s happening here. And I feel like that’s so like, get it together. Get it together. There’s really no reason for you to go to event and just ruin somebody else’s time. Go home. Yeah, go home.

Christa Innis: Because, yeah, no one feels bad for you. Like, don’t go there to like ruin their day. Like they’re enjoying their time. So just like.

Antoinette: Yeah. This would also be a festivity and you would literally be like, Ugh. Can we go home? Yeah, go. No, yeah, you can. Yeah, please. You literally can, you drove here by yourself because you didn’t come with us. ‘Cause you’re waiting for your boyfriend so you can, you literally can’t go.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Literally. Please. Do you already want the excuse to not come?

Antoinette: This is not an escape room. You can escape. Okay. Yeah.

Christa Innis: You’re way out. Oh my gosh. This is wild.

Um, the next morning Erica claimed she had a panic attack and decided to leave saying she wasn’t having fun. Okay.

Antoinette: Yeah. Neither were we. We could tell.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: You could tell. It’s not a surprise.

Christa Innis: You made it very clear. Yeah.

Antoinette: Like it’s not a surprise, girly.

Christa Innis: A month after the trip, Erica got engaged. Hmm. Okay.

Antoinette: Good for maybe, I hope, you know what? I hope her attitude changes now. I hope she’s very happy now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Now she’s gonna be, wait, I didn’t read the rest, but I’m just gonna guess it’s gonna be all about her and her wedding now and then maybe they kept married first.

Antoinette: Oh my God. I bet she’s gonna be like, oh, you know what? If this was my wedding, I wouldn’t have done that. Yes. A lot of that, like, oh, you know what? I would’ve never picked that color. Oh, you know what? I kind of feel like that’s a little techy, but like, you know, like, it’s good for you. Oh my God. I hate Erica. What? Yes. God. Erica, you’re the worse.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Um, a month after the trip, so Erica got engaged and started texting me questions about wedding planning. Oh, she’s so excited now.

Antoinette: Oh, look at her.

Christa Innis: Things most bridesmaids would already know, like what wedding website I use and where my venue was. On the day of my bridal shower, Erica showed up with her mom both wearing white. Because she’s engaged, so it’s now her wedding here.

Antoinette: I literally can’t, Erica is not the worse. Erica is the worst. She can’t help herself.

Christa Innis: Her mom like matching, matching outfits, like wearing a sash bride and mother with bride.

Antoinette: Oh my God. Did you? She’s like, well, I’m, I’m also, I’m also engaged.

Christa Innis: We’re all engaged together.

Antoinette: Yeah. Oh my God.

Christa Innis: Um, she asked the other bridesmaids how long the shower would last complained about having to stay for the opening of gifts and spent most of the time talking about her own wedding plans.

Antoinette: Oh, you called it, you called it.

Christa Innis: I feel like I’ve just like seen so many stories like this where I’m just like that type of person that’s so upset and jealous and has to be rude.

The second then they get engaged. It’s me, me, me, me, me. Oh, you had your, yes, that’s it. But it’s like she doesn’t have her time yet. She’s still like.

Antoinette: She never had her time. You were rude the whole time. Like you’ve been, and then after now you’re still being rude. See? Are you just a rude person? Like that. Just who? Yeah. I was like, were there signs? You know what, I’m sorry. I feel like I was like, were there signs already that Erica was not a good friend before all of this?

Christa Innis: Yeah. I wanna hear about. Yeah. You know, some pre-engagement stories about Erica. Tell me the truth.

Antoinette: Yeah. I was like, let’s get the truth. Have you, as his friend, needed to be gone for a long time? Probably.

Christa Innis: My, my guess is, yeah. Yeah. Like, and this just brought it all out even more.

Um, when I walked over to her table, her mom interrupted me to show Erica something so cute for her wedding. About 45 minutes into the shower, Erica’s mom came up to me and said Erica wasn’t feeling well.

I know I have to say that in that voice. Yeah. No, I love it. Come say goodbye. Oh. At your shower. You need to go outside and say goodbye to Erica.

Antoinette: No, Erica can come inside. Yeah. Or, or tell her I say bye.

Christa Innis: Yeah. She can just do the old Irish goodbye. See ya. Bye.

Um, I went outside and Erica apologized, later texted me that she’s always getting sick at events related to me.

Antoinette: Oh my God.

Christa Innis: You said it weird. There must be some jealousy in the air.

Antoinette: Yeah. Right, right. I right.

Christa Innis: Stick with jealousy.

Antoinette: You’re literally getting sick by your own jealousy. Your own jealousy is making you sick.

Christa Innis: Eating you up inside.

Antoinette: Alive. Like, like your body knows terrible therapy. Immediately, please. Like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Can you seek some inner peace?

Antoinette: Yes.

Christa Innis: Um, all right. The next day, my sister texted Erica and asked if she’d be getting sick on the wedding day too, and whether she saw,

Antoinette: I love the sister.

Christa Innis: The sister is awesome.

Antoinette: The sister was like, I’m done with this.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, I’ll be her backbone for a little bit. I got, yeah. Whether she felt capable of handling the pressure.

Erica got defensive and sent me a long series of messages about feeling disrespected before I could respond she blocked me.

Antoinette: The audacity!

Christa Innis: And all the other bridesmaids on social media. ’cause she was called out for her bs.

Antoinette: She felt disrespected? She, Erica felt disrespect? Wow. Wow.

Christa Innis: That is wild.

Antoinette: She did them a favor though. Yeah. Like somebody needed to like, thank you for excusing yourself out then.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Antoinette: And she, she literally went through, just blocked everybody. Okay. Nobody wanted you ready.

Christa Innis: That’s someone that like expects you just to like, go to their beck and call at all times. No one says no to me. And so I think because the sister came in and was like, yo, you’re not being a good person. Are you gonna be there or not? Tell me now because

Antoinette: Yeah, exactly.

Christa Innis: Not dealing with this.

Antoinette: I’m glad the sister said something. ’cause it was like someone had to be like, is this, we’ve already seen the pattern for a year. Are you gonna do this on the actual important day?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Antoinette: If so, like, and I love that. Are you gonna be able to handle it? ’cause Yeah. Are, can you handle it? You’ve proven not to be able to. So yeah. Can you get yourself together before then? Mm-hmm. And she pretty much, she answered, no, she’s not. I mean by all of her actions were a No. That was the answer.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Antoinette: She blocked everybody off.

Christa Innis: That is wild.

Antoinette: Oh so childish.

Christa Innis: I kind of like. Very loosely relate to this.

Like years ago I had a very like shady kind of friend. The end of, yeah, shady is probably the wrong word, just a friend where like I was always like people pleasing, bending back my backward, bending over backwards for. And many times, like last minute cancellations, like if she was gonna help me with something, like feeling sick, that kind of stuff.

And my sister texted her one day when she was supposed to come to something and canceled like the morning of, or just stopped. She like stopped responding to me and my sister was like, Hey, like. Christa’s always bending over backwards for you, blah, blah, blah. And it was like the same thing. She was rude back to my sister and then texted me like a whole thing. And I was just like, I’m done. Like I’m done. Sorry.

Antoinette: Yeah. Yeah. Like you can’t take accountability. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, all right. Last paragraph here says, looking back, I should have never asked her to be a bridesmaid. She has always been selfish and viewed our friendship as a competition. There you go. Mm.

I was trying to hold on to a one-sided friendship, but in the end she took the first opportunity to bow out.

Antoinette: Wow.

Christa Innis: They hung on by a thread there for a while.

Antoinette: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and everyone, but I mean, that’s what we’re wondering. We’re wondering, like, it seems like Erica probably has always been a problem, and, but she just confirmed that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Antoinette: Like, and that happens. I mean, I’ve been, I’ve been in, in a friendship like that too, where like, it was definitely one sided.

I was definitely like doing everything. And they definitely were like selfish, but like, there were just, there’s always something, there’s like something, I don’t know what it is, but you were like, attached to that person. I felt attached to them. Um, and sometimes it can be hard to like let people go, even if they’re like, you know, they’re like not really bringing anything.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. A hundred percent.

Antoinette: Um, yeah. Yeah. So.

Christa Innis: And I feel like too, it’s like, you know, you, you think of like good times with that person. Yeah. And you’re like, oh, they’re good to me during that. Or like, this was a good time. I don’t wanna just like be the mean person and say like, I’m done with you, but also like, you, you matter too.

And it’s like, yeah. And their friendships just have a timeline and they’re just. Done at a certain point. And that’s.

Antoinette: Yeah. And this was the one, I mean, I secretly wish for this girl that like it had been earlier, so her whole, all the events weren’t like so tainted with Erica’s drama, you know? But at least her wedding wasn’t tainted with it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. She was long out by that point.

Antoinette: Yeah, right.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Well that was a wild story.

Well, thank you so much for coming on and yeah, entering with me and reacting to this wild story. I had so much fun hanging out with you. I feel like we could talk for hours just because I do too, so much to chat about.

Um, can you again, just tell everyone where they can follow you and find your content and then anything fun you’re working on?

Antoinette: Yeah. Um, you can find me on TikTok at Miss Razzle Dazzle. I’ve been trying to change it, but it won’t change on TikTok, so Miss Razzle dazzle, and then on Instagram at bits of banter with Antoinette and then YouTube at bits of banter.

Christa Innis: I love it.

Antoinette: Um, and I am now my next thing is Perfect Match and Love is Blind uk so I’ll be reacting to those two shows.

Christa Innis: Okay. I gotta watch at least one of those. Yes, yes. I Dating Show World. Yes. Awesome. Well thank you so much.

Antoinette: Thank you.

by Christa Innis

Education Hot Seats, Reality Checks & a Red Flag Romance — with Colleen Borgert

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Weddings can bring out the best and the worst in families but what happens when the drama takes center stage?

In this episode, Christa and Colleen Borgert dive deep into a story about a whirlwind engagement, a strained family dynamic, and a wedding that almost didn’t happen. Did the bride make the right choice when she called off the marriage after just one month?

Tune in as Christa and Colleen share candid thoughts on red flags, family loyalty, and how important it is to trust your instincts when the pressure’s on. A powerful reminder that it’s never too late to walk away from a bad relationship.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

07:22 Teaching Background and Career Path

12:14 Wedding Would You Rather Questions

18:41 Meeting Her Husband at a Wedding

24:36 Discussing Wedding Food and First Dances

30:12 No Ring No Bring Wedding Policy

36:20 Wedding Story Submission

42:26 Red Flags in the Relationship

48:42 The Divorce and Moving Forward

54:39 Wedding Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Engagement Red Flags – The couple’s whirlwind engagement raised questions about moving too fast and overlooking key signs.
Family Drama Unfolds – The bride’s experience with her fiancé’s family dynamics and how it impacted her big day.
The Sister’s Role – Colleen shares her thoughts on the fiancé’s younger sister and the implications of her behavior.
Unspoken Expectations – How family members’ expectations can shape wedding plans, and the consequences of unmet expectations.
The Pushback on No Kids Policy – Colleen’s wedding no-kids policy and the pushback it created from family members.
Taking Control of Your Wedding – The importance of setting boundaries with family members and ensuring the wedding day feels right for the couple.
Dealing with Toxic Family Members – The challenges of navigating toxic family relationships and prioritizing your own happiness.
A Bold Divorce Decision – The courage it took for the bride to end the marriage and choose a life that was healthier for her.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Sometimes the most dramatic moments are the ones that push us into the right decision.” – Christa Innis
“There’s no rule that says you have to settle for a big wedding if it doesn’t feel right for you.”– Christa Innis
“When we look back at those relationships, we realize: we were just rushing for the sake of rushing.”– Christa Innis
“If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut, even if everyone else says you should push through.”– Christa Innis
“Wedding day stress isn’t just about the day it’s about what it reveals about the people around you.”– Christa Innis
It’s not about the number of guests, it’s about the intimacy and connection you want to share.” – Colleen Borgert
“Some family dynamics are just too toxic to navigate around. You’ve got to know when to step away.” – Colleen Borgert
“At that moment, I realized that the wedding I envisioned wasn’t the one that was actually happening.” – Colleen Borgert
“It’s hard to face red flags when you’re too caught up in the idea of what should be.” – Colleen Borgert
“A good family should never make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, it should always feel like a safe place.” – Colleen Borgert

About Colleen:

Colleen Borgert is a Catholic ESL Director, wife, and mom with 15 years of experience in education. She is passionate about advocating for all students and dedicated to unlearning and growing into the best version of herself. Colleen’s journey into TikTok began as a way to raise awareness for a comfort closet in her school, providing essential items like toothbrushes, socks, and deodorant for at-risk students. Her efforts gained traction, and after the election, her content evolved to reflect the changing landscape of education. Now, Colleen shares insights on shifting educational laws and provides parents with important updates on what’s happening in their local schools.

Follow Colleen Borgert:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of, here Comes The Drama. It’s so funny, I put together these intros week after week and you know, I thought it would seem more and more natural, but like sometimes when I read off things, it just feels like I. Uh, not very natural to me. But anyways, thanks for being here, guys.

I’m excited to share another exciting episode. We are joined by Colleen Bogart this week. She’s also known as Leanie Borg on TikTok. She is a Midwest mom educator and all around advocate for her students who need it most. Colleen is known for her heart humor and the way she shows up unapologetically herself.

But don’t let the smile fool you. She’s not afraid to speak up. Stand strong and keep it real both in and out of the classroom. In this episode, we play around of would you rather dive into some wedding hot takes, of course. And then finally, we react to a wedding story submission with an ending you will not see coming.

And I just wanna say, I had so much fun hanging out with Colleen. She’s so real. She was so much fun, and I’m excited for you guys to hang out with us. So without further ado, here’s our episode. Enjoy.

Hi, Colleen. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. I’m so excited. I’m so excited to have you here. I mean, I think I was telling you before we started recording, like I came across your stuff on, on TikTok and ology. Probably like, I don’t even know, time is, time is funny, but it was probably like over a year ago.

I just love the stuff you put out. So thank you for taking the time and being here today.

Colleen Borgert: Thank you. Yeah. Um, I’ve been on TikTok a little over three years now and have been following you and all of your wedding shenanigans that you put out there and amongst everything that’s happening, like you’re really good comedic relief for me, so I appreciate that.

Christa Innis: Oh, good. Oh, that’s, I love, I love hearing that. It’s kind of goofy just how the internet, I was just telling someone it feels like, it’s like talent show on like. Phone, you know, like you’re scrolling. And I just kind of like pic feel, feel like it’s like talent showing when you’re like in elementary school and everyone’s like, Hey, check out what I got.

And then it’s like the next person, they’re like, Hey, check out what I have to say. And it’s just like this funny world we live in

Colleen Borgert: it, it really is. You know, like I can envision myself doing like little somersaults on, on the stage in middle school being like, TA Yes. And now here we are.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So true.

And just like the world, I mean, you cover a lot of it too. I feel like the world and everything that’s going on, it’s just like, there’s so many, there’s a lot of negative things going on in the world. Scary things. Mm-hmm. And so I just, I feel like maybe it’s my way of detaching. I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s, yeah.

But, um, but you know, and

Colleen Borgert: thing, things are really heavy right now and, and they’re really heavy for people of all ages, especially in education and that detachment piece, like that’s needed. So we can get up every day with a full bucket. And get to work and keep changing lives. So your detachment is my, is my healing.

So I appreciate you so much.

Teacher Turned Advocate

Christa Innis: Well, thank you. I know. I appreciate what you do too. Can you tell everyone a little bit about yourself, what you do, and kind of how that pivoted into what you share on social media?

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. So, um, this is gonna be my 15th year in education and I’ve kind of always had more of a social work type background.

And that’s originally what I got into TikTok for. Um, I was raising awareness to help build a comfort closet for, um, kiddos in my school that were from at-risk backgrounds. So, um, I would put out items that we needed, like toothbrush, socks, toothpaste, deodorant, um, just to get eyeballs on that Amazon wishlist link, and then it kind of blew up from there.

And then. After the election when everything kind of in my world pivoted and changed a little bit, so did my content. Um, because everything in the education world is shifting and changing and I wanted to let parents know, Hey, this is happening in your neck of the woods, so come on up to the front and hear about it.

So now I share more, um, educational laws that are changing, things that are adapting within the educational world.

Christa Innis: I love that. I feel like it’s so important because I, I’ve seen especially in your own content too, people will sign off on things or they’re like, agree with something until they really get to the nitty gritty and they’re like, wait, what’s happening?

Wait, department of Education’s going away. You know, and they’re like picking up these things. They’re like, wait, what does that actually mean? And they need people that are in it that know the ins and outs to explain it.

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. And, and it’s easy for every single person to kind of wear a school hat in the sense because they were a student at one point in their lives, but the lens that they see things through is that student lens and maybe not what’s behind the curtain.

So hopefully I can just pull that curtain back for people and let them see the nitty gritty of what things actually mean.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so like what. Kind of going back, what inspired you to initially become an educator? You said you started with social. Did you start with social work and you were kind of in that field and then you kind of moved into be teaching?

Colleen Borgert: Yeah, so, um, I kind of was always in the school social work realm. And then just recently, a few years ago, I kind of navigated more into the classroom and now I work at a Catholic school. So I’m a Catholic, um, English, a second language director. And um, what I do is I ensure kiddos that do not have English as a first language, have equitable education.

Um, now more than ever. That’s extremely important. Um, I think that I feel. So I shouldn’t say think. Mm-hmm. I feel so passionate about this because I also grew up in an extremely, like poor environment, poor households. So I know what it took to like claw my way to get here. And I know that if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for other kids if I can just be that adult that I needed when I was younger.

So that’s definitely what fuels me every day that I get up and I go to school.

Christa Innis: I love that I’ve, I’ve heard that quote before about like, you like need to almost think about who you needed as a child because that’s gonna, that should be kind of like who we are as adults, because that’s gonna kind of put us back in that mind frame of like, okay, I really need an adult to hear me.

I really needed an adult to support me or understand me. Um,

Colleen Borgert: to make you feel seen and valid.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like that’s. I feel like that’s such a pivotal thing to remember because we get kind of lost in the day to day. And then especially as educators, you want someone to really care. Like, you know, my, my daughter’s too young for school yet, but when she’s in school, I’m like, you want a teacher like that that’s gonna really think like, okay, they’re gonna hear everything I say or they’re gonna see me as a person, like even if I’m quiet or, you know, those kind of things.

Colleen Borgert: Absolutely. And see the parent too, because the parent is an important part of all that.

Teacher Balancing Truth & Boundaries

Christa Innis: Yeah. Mm-hmm. So do you think, so I know you’ve kind of posted before about like, like your content changing, especially after the election, but I think even before the election you were kind of, you know, talking a little bit more about what could happen, these kind of things.

So with working at a Catholic school, is it hard to kind of. Do you have to stay in line with certain things or say certain things? I don’t wanna like get you in trouble either, so I wanna make sure you’re saying things that are okay. Mm-hmm. You know, like, are there guidelines like you, can you say certain things online or where does that fall in line with your teaching?

Colleen Borgert: Well, I think in general that is kind of just a teacher box that everyone has to stay in. Um, when it comes to my Catholic faith and, and where I align, at first I was really nervous to kind of like go out in those waters and let people know like, Hey, I’m a, I’m not a public school teacher. I’m a Catholic school teacher.

But once I showed people that. I am here for all kids regardless of religion, race, background, culture. People started to see my authentic, you know, views that I wanted to present and the information that I was giving people and it was well received. There are definite lanes that you have to stay in, um, as a teacher.

And then I think my lane is just a tad bit smaller being a Catholic school teacher, but the things that I am bringing are fact-based. Educational laws to people. So I’m really proud of that. And I think as long as I stay in my lane, you know, I’m good. And I’ve had a lot of wonderful support from my school community.

Um, they have backed me up 110%. Um, they believe that every child has the right to a free and equitable education as I do regardless of race and religion. So it’s been really good. Um, but at the end of the day, I’m an adult and I have to be able to control what I say to stay in that lane.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, absolutely.

No, I love it. I love that they’re, they’re behind you. ’cause I mean, just in general with like content creators, like just different jobs, I’ve heard different stories where they’re like, you can’t say this, you can’t post this, you can’t do this. Um, so it’s really good to hear that there’s like supportive, um, uh, schools and communities out there.

Colleen Borgert: Oh wait, I totally butchered

A Diagnosis That Changed Everything

Christa Innis: that question, but chair, like a pivotal moment in your life that kind of shaped how you approach teaching.

Colleen Borgert: Um, I think one thing that changed my view on how I view all kids in the classroom is my son was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome when he was in kindergarten and. As a parent, just hearing that diagnosis, not knowing what that looks like, um, in our, in our lives, let alone in the classroom, surrounded by, by kids he does not know.

It, it really made me like peel back my eyelids and open my eyeballs to every single kid has something different that’s going on inside of them. Mm-hmm. Every single kid that is in front of me is going to feel one way or another on a certain day. And my son deserved to have a teacher that was like, okay, you are different and you’re unique and that’s wonderful.

And how are we going to ensure that you get the exact same care and attention as every single other kiddo. Mm-hmm. In here. And I think as we’re looking at things today that are happening, happening politically. We have to remember that we are all just one diagnosis away from having a unique child. We, you know, we are, we’re one car accident away from having a child that might need to be in a wheelchair that is going to need different accommodations and is going to need a teacher that is, is loving and caring and will do absolutely everything for your kid.

Like they would for Susie Hugh, who is always there 20 minutes early, raising our hand star reader. Mm-hmm. Like every single child is different. And I want my kid to have a teacher that loves on him. Like I love on every single baby that I see every single day of the school year. Mm-hmm. So, like his diagnosis, it, it was rough for us.

It was scary. We didn’t know what that would look like. So that, that was, that was hard.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I think that that’s, yeah. Such an important thing because like you said, anything can change in a minute. I think. A lot of times people just like look at like, what’s gonna affect me and me only? Mm-hmm. And if you look outside and say like, well, how is this affecting other people?

Or how is it affecting that family? Or how is it affecting this family that leads to more compassion and empathy and understanding. I think that’s really what the world lacks. Because, because, um, not to like generalize, but I just feel like those are the things I’ve observed is like there’s a certain group of people that let’s look at like, well, it doesn’t bother me, so I’m fine.

Right. It’s like what anything can change, anything could happen. Like you said, like mm-hmm. Um, emergencies happen all the time or you know, I don’t know. Things, things just can change quickly. Um, that’s, yeah. That’s such a good thing to think about. Um, okay.

I wanna switch into the wedding, wedding kind of topic.

And as I was kind saying to you before we started recording is like I’m adding, I’m kinda shifting these podcast episodes a little bit different to like more conversations in the beginning, but I still haven’t kind of figured it out a transition. Sometimes it just happens naturally and other times I’m like, all right, so onto the wedding stuff.

So sorry if it seems kind of abrupt. We’re working on it. No first timer here. I think it seems fabulous. Okay. I was just like talk my way through stuff. ’cause I’m like, or like, what is it called? Not talk my way through it. I don’t know, I just like when I dunno what I’m doing, I just keep talking and figuring it out.

Girl. Same. And you’re a hand talker. So, oh my gosh. The number of people, when I first started making content that would like, like hate comments about like me using my hands, I was like,

Colleen Borgert: I dunno, I don’t know. Yeah. It just happens. I get the same. And then my next video I come out 10 times harder just like.

Christa Innis: You thought it was bad before, just wait. I know, right? It’s like, I will make sure I do it now. Well, yeah. And so one comment I got last night was, um, like I, because you know, I do like the skits and stuff, but every once in a while I come on and I’ll like explain something or I’ll give like a little background.

Someone basically was like, no one likes when you do that. Like, don’t come on and explain things. We’re here for the skits and the skits only. Don’t talk and waste our time.

Colleen Borgert: People are so rude keyboard warriors nowadays. Like, it’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s, I know, it’s crazy. I just have to

Christa Innis: laugh at the ridiculous ones.

Weddings Would-You-Rather

Okay, so starting off, let’s do a little, um, wedding. Would you rather Ooh. Completely Just random. So, okay. Um, it’s a lit, some of them might be a little tied to being a teacher, but then we’re gonna do like other ones. So here we go. Okay. Would you rather have to teach a class of 30 kids in full bridesmaid attire or chaperone recess in high heels the day after a wedding?

Colleen Borgert: Oh my goodness gracious. Well, with the amount of dancing that I do and the way that I get into shout and put my hands up in the air, yeah, I’m definitely gonna go with the 30 kids in the classroom like, yeah. A bridesmaids dress. I love a good dress up any day of the week.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. It’s a fun, fun excuse to have like a princess day or something.

Colleen Borgert: Right. Like since Wynn is dressing up bad at school, so I, I totally will take that. But my 41-year-old body nowadays after wedding dancing, I can’t like, oh my gosh. Beautiful day recovery and yeah.

Christa Innis: No

Colleen Borgert: fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. It’s funny how that like just changes all of a sudden, like I’d be like, when people have like the full wedding weekend, I’m like, I need like one big day and then I need like a couple days of recovery.

Thank you. Yes.

Colleen Borgert: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Mm. Yeah. After, after a good wedding, you know?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Uh, would you rather give a wedding toast with no preparation or do the Chacha slide solo in front of the whole reception?

Colleen Borgert: Oh my gosh. Chacha real smooth now. Mm. Um, I would much rather. I think just give a wedding toast.

Like, it, it, I’m a group dancer, but solo dancing, like my, my, my face drops. Like my, my face gets serious. It’s, it’s not very cool to look at. I don’t think anyone would want that, but hand me a mic and I, you know, cheers the bride and groom. That’s something I can get behind. Get behind. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right.

Um, would you rather attend a wedding where the ceremony lasts three hours? Or one where the DJ only plays kids? Bop.

Colleen Borgert: Oh, okay. Um, that’s a tough one. Oh man. This is, this is almost like, would you rather go to a three hour PD or do a kids bop after school hour? Oh my gosh. I, I, I think I know, I think I’m gonna still go with the three hour ceremony.

Christa Innis: Oh, I

Colleen Borgert: know. At least. At least it’s quiet.

Christa Innis: least it’s quiet. Oh my gosh. I think I would go kids b really? Every once in a while. I don’t know if it’s ’cause of my, my daughter’s too. And so every once in a while, like I get really into those kids bumps. I mean, we, I mean they, they are catchy. They’re, they’re catchy. Luckily she’s really into Wicked now.

So we listen to the Wicked soundtrack, but play, I love it. But, uh, I love a good, you know, Disney, so I don’t know about Kids. Bop we’ll see how that would go. But I

Colleen Borgert: think it’s because when I imagine kids bop, like I imagine like kindergartners. All up on me, you know, like jamming with me with their hands going down, you know, like yeah.

That’s just the vision that I have from the experiences. So yours and mine, maybe a little different.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Different vibe. Yeah. Um, would you rather sit at the all singles table with ex students? Oh, ex students’ parents, or be seated next to the couple’s ex.

Colleen Borgert: Oh my gosh. I, I actually would take the parent table for sure.

Yeah. Without a doubt. I have been really blessed with wonderful parents and that’s, you know, I did eight years in public school and I’m still connected to so many of my public school parents that I love and adore. And the last like five years in the Catholic school system, like I just, I’ve been really lucky, so.

Oh good. I bet that table’s really fun. Signed up. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And like all those parents, like letting loose. I bet it would be like a great table,

Colleen Borgert: right?

Christa Innis: Yes. Love that. A

Colleen Borgert: for everybody. Yes.

Bridesmaid Dress Drama

Christa Innis: Okay. Would you rather wear a neon bridesmaid dress that clashes with your skin tone or have the name, or have your name spelled wrong on every wedding program?

Colleen Borgert: Oh my goodness. So I am the worst speller in the world. I can totally see me misspelling something in my own wedding. I, I probably did to be honest. Um. I also wore the wrong colored bridesmaid’s dress in my cousin’s wedding two years ago. So I’ve done that as well. Um, but I’m still gonna have to go with if that bride wants me to wear, you know, the worst color in the world.

But she is like, this is my vision. I’ve I’ve got you.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Colleen Borgert: I’m, I’m ride or die for the bride. So you,

Christa Innis: you strike me as someone that would be like a really great bridesmaid. Like, you’re like hands on. You’re like, what do you need? I got you. Like, I just get that vibe from you.

Colleen Borgert: Well, until, until literally you see that I bought, I bought the wrong color, which is before we’re walking down the aisle.

So there when you’re

Christa Innis: walking down the aisle,

Colleen Borgert: oh my gosh. We walked into like the get ready room where all the dresses are hanging up. Yeah. And the maid of honor comes up to me and she’s like, oh, Pauline. Have you seen your dress? And I’m like, yeah, it’s hanging up. It’s so cute. She’s like, it’s the wrong color.

So everyone had gotten like a, a, a shade of sage. Okay. And mine was just a different shade of sage green. And

Christa Innis: you could tell So it from different like places or like, she told you like, oh, get it sage. And just sent like a picture of what she liked and then everyone just went and got thrown or, so I

Colleen Borgert: confirmed via text and I’ve always got receipts.

I pulled that out and before I bought it I was like, this is the color correct. And she said, correct. But the bride, my cousin, she was so relaxed. She’s like, I don’t care. You know, ’cause I’m crying at this point. Aw. She’s like, I don’t care. You’re walking down the aisle. You know, I’m like, I’ll stand in the back.

I don’t have to be in the wedding. Like, oh,

Christa Innis: was it that different?

Colleen Borgert: Um, it was like one shade lighter. You, you could,

Christa Innis: you could tell,

Colleen Borgert: you could tell I ruined the wedding pictures for sure. Oh. But you know, this is the family. She was a great, I mean, she’s just a great person, so I got really lucky. Um, but yeah, if the bride needs me, whatever the bride needs me to do, I’m gonna do it.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I, you know, I feel like, especially now too, it’s like I’ve seen it more weddings where the bridesmaid dresses don’t exactly match. I know. I actually love that. Yeah, I know. I feel like it’s like adding a little more uniqueness. I think, like at my wedding it was like, um, from, from Birdie Gray, which is like, you can order them all online, they’re under a hundred dollars and you just, you can pick like a color scheme.

So like, mine was like mov, but there’s like three shades of mov and people are like, what color? I’m like, I don’t care. Any of the, any of them. Any of them,

Colleen Borgert: they’re gonna look so pretty.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I just feel like. It, I feel like gone are the days where people wear the exact same dress. Right. Maybe every, I’m sure it happens here and there, but

Colleen Borgert: Yeah.

And in my wedding, um, I just did black satin. All the girls just had to do a black satin and it needed to be like t length and didn’t care other than that, so yeah, it was really unique. Like I just, I, I love the non-uniform look. Yeah. And that’s probably the Catholic school teacher in me coming out being like, eh, we don’t need a uniform up in here.

We’re

Wedding Party Love Story

Christa Innis: done with the uniforms, please. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. Let’s move into some wedding hot takes and stories. You said you have a story of how you met your husband at a wedding, so let’s get into that.

Colleen Borgert: Okay, so I met Mr. Borger. Uh, we were both in the same wedding party for my cousin almost 16 years ago.

And, um, he kind of clocked me right away and was like, that’s the girl I wanna marry. So we got to the reception, danced a little bit. Um, there was definite connection early on. We both went our own ways. Um, the next week he called my cousin, old school, got my number, called me on the telephone. I heard this man’s voice who does that anymore?

So un heard of these days. I know. And he asked me out on a date and we have been together ever since. But yeah, he went up to my cousin who was the bride, and said, I just want you to know I’m gonna marry that girl. And

Christa Innis: oh my gosh, that’s like a romantic story.

Colleen Borgert: I know I love, love.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. So how is he connected to the wedding?

Like was he like a groomsmen or He was the fiance’s or fiance, I guess your cousin’s husband.

Colleen Borgert: Yes, friend. He was, um, a longtime childhood friend of the groom. Okay. So now they get to be at family functions together and we’re like pretty our kids together. So it’s. It’s wonderful.

Christa Innis: I love that when like, they’re already kind of like connected, so there’s like no extra introduction.

It’s like he’s already kind of, you got an in, he’s got an in. Mm-hmm. Um, and then for you, it was a family wedding, so your family was probably already there. And so like did he like meet your parents then at the wedding and everything?

Colleen Borgert: Um, I don’t know if he necessarily like, met them, met them at the wedding.

Yeah. But he was invested in the fun that my family can have for sure. We are in good time, so I love that. Yeah, he, he was there for it.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s awesome. I love that story. ’cause like, usually when I ask people like crazy stories, they’re like, I mean, I, I kind of put people, I try to not put people on the spot, but, um, I.

I love that it was like a positive good story. Yes. Because I always tell people, I’m like, people just remember these crazy moments. That’s why I share them. But like for the most part, like there are so many great wedding stories and like fun moments and just like, just like wild moments about, you know, yes.

Things hanging out. Um. Awesome. I love that.

The Great Wedding Dinner Debate

Okay, let’s get into some wedding hot takes. Okay. These are people send me on Instagram. We’ll just kind of react together and see uh, what our thoughts are. Okay. This one says buffets over plated dinners faster, more variety and fewer awkward chicken and steak texts.

I dunno what the text means, but,

oh, I just copied something. Yeah. Fewer awkward chicken and steak dinners.

Colleen Borgert: So are, are you asking which one do I prefer?

Christa Innis: It’s just a hot take that someone sent, so, yeah, I mean, you can say what you think about it. Um,

Colleen Borgert: so there, there was one summer, um, like my husband and I had been married for maybe like two years, and we legit had 10 weddings from like May until September.

Like mm-hmm. He’s five years older than me, so my friends were in like prime time wedding season. Mm-hmm. And it was almost every single wedding had the same chicken with that white gravy. I think it might. Oh yeah. Like on top with the mashed potatoes and everybody thinks that they’re doing something special when they’re not, you know, like it’s just boring.

But one of our friends catered in Qdoba at their wedding. And I have never forgotten it. Like, I have never forgotten the Qdoba wedding. And I hope that if this airs they hear this and they know how special their Qdoba wedding was to me. So, you know, I’m a, I’m a fan of a buffet, you know, poor girl from a poor neighborhood.

We loved our buffets growing up. Um, so I don’t mind a good buffet at a wedding.

Christa Innis: I know. I was just saying to someone, like when I was younger at weddings, I was like, like years from getting married, I was like, oh yeah, I wouldn’t, I don’t think I would do a buffet. I like the plated dinner. And then as I got older I was like, I love a buffet.

Like I just love it. And then of course when I got married I did a taco bar and I was like, this is where it’s at. Oh, you did the, you did

Colleen Borgert: the taco. There are people that came to your wedding that 20 years from now are gonna be like, I went to a taco of our wedding and it’s going to be you girl. Yeah. That is the wedding that they are referencing.

It’s yours.

Christa Innis: I was just like, I. Never really was a big fan of plated dinners unless they’re like, I don’t know, every once in a while. Yeah. Like surprised me. Really good. But I also worked at a hotel for, gosh, three years in college. So like I would saw all the banquet foods and I saw them and not like saying they were gross or anything, but like I saw how they would keep ’em warm and I just, I don’t know, just not my thing.

And so I was like, when there’s a buffet though, you take what you want. Maybe go for seconds, get a little guacamole in there. We’re good.

Colleen Borgert: Yes. I’m here for it. I’m here for it. And I love that you did. I can’t believe it. You did Taco. I know. You’re

Christa Innis: seko. Dopa. I was like, yes. It was pretty close. It was like a local place, but it was like, it was perfect.

Like perfect.

Colleen Borgert: Yes. Yeah. And people appreciate it.

Christa Innis: And pizza for a late night snack. Yes.

Colleen Borgert: The, the best weddings that bring out that 11:00 PM like fill your belly up snack. The best.

First Dance or Skip It?

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh, it’s the best. Um, okay. This next one says, not every wedding needs a first dance. Some couples just wanna party, so let them

Colleen Borgert: I agree.

Like if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. This is your special day. Who am I to say that you have to do something to make me feel special or this whole thing makes sense. Yeah. That doesn’t make any sense to me.

Christa Innis: I know, and I’ve heard of like parents like fighting back on it and being like, no, you need this.

And it’s like they don’t wanna be the center of attention. They don’t want that big moment. It like, it’s okay. Like no one should be forced to do anything at their wedding that they aren’t comfortable with, or that just doesn’t interest them.

Colleen Borgert: Right. Did you do a first dance.

Christa Innis: I did. Yes, we did

Colleen Borgert: too. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love it.

I love, I love a first dance. Yeah.

Christa Innis: But if they

Colleen Borgert: don’t want it, they don’t want it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. A hundred percent. We did a choreo, I’m gonna mess up the word choreographed. We practiced ourself.

Colleen Borgert: Oh my gosh. We are not

Christa Innis: dancers either of us. I’m not. Okay. So when are you posting that to TikTok? I might have years ago.

I’m trying to think. I might have to repost it. I’m gonna get my scroll game

Colleen Borgert: on. I know. I

Christa Innis: gotta think about what I posted it. Um, probably not in a long time ’cause people were like asking about it once I, so we watched YouTube because I was like, okay, one lesson I always learn brides, if you’re listening was take some kind of dance course.

You don’t have to like pay for it. If you are doing a first dance, you don’t have to like pay for it. There’s free ones on YouTube, right. Um, and so we started doing that, like just to learn like the steps. So we, because I’ve gone to so many weddings where you can tell they’ve literally never danced together.

Right. They stand there and they just like look awkward. They just sway and they’re

Colleen Borgert: like leaving lots of room for Jesus. You know? It’s

Christa Innis: like, come on guys. Like let’s not have that first time you guys ever like, get in a room, dance together, be like in a, in front of a hundred people. Right? Right. So like I knew I didn’t want that awkward moment.

So like, we did like our step practicing and then as we were watching, or like YouTube, it was like suggestive videos and it was like Taylor Swift, uh, oh gosh, what song is it? Oh my gosh. I sounds, is her, this is her first dance. Yeah. Why am I drawing a blank? Ah, it’s Taylor. Um, oh, now I’m gonna like, have to like find it ’cause it’s gonna really bother me.

Um, but it’ll come to you in a few minutes

Colleen Borgert: and if not divorce will come. It’ll be

Christa Innis: fine. It’ll be fine.

Colleen Borgert: We’ll just pick your voice in. It’s

Christa Innis: can, I’m gonna sing it and I can’t sing. Can I go where we can? I can’t sing. Hold on, hold on. I’m a swifty. Give it to me. Be this clo forever and ever. And, and take me. Huh?

And with a, that called you’re my, my lover. Lover. Lover. I knew we’d get there eventually. Yeah. Okay. So it was to lover.

Colleen Borgert: Love that. Yeah. And there was a

Christa Innis: really cute dance on YouTube and they showed what to do. So we did like a little spin. He like picked me up in the end. Oh. And we didn’t tell anyone we were doing it.

So it was likes you

Colleen Borgert: had like your, um, baby moment from dirty dancing where he like Yeah.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Little less graceful than that, but Yeah.

Colleen Borgert: But I do love that you told brides that they could just get on YouTube, like they don’t have to spend their money. Yeah. Just hop on YouTube. Yeah. I, I love that you remind people of that it, it doesn’t have to break the bank to be special.

Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. Like, we literally did it in our, in our apartment living room and we just practiced like every week. I think we was like, Monday nights we’re gonna practice our dance. Yay. Okay.

No Ring, No Bring and the Reality of Guest Lists

Um, next one is no bring, no ring, no bring is totally fair. Sorry to your new hinge date of two weeks. What are your thoughts on No ring, no bring.

Colleen Borgert: Oh my thought. Okay. So my husband, my husband did not get invited to a second cousin of mine’s wedding. We were not engaged. We got engaged the next month. Okay. And during the time I was like, I can’t believe they won’t let me bring him. Like, why would they not? Mm-hmm. And now that I have children of my own and I see the cost of things and I, I see more of like that behind the curtain.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I

Colleen Borgert: can see that and I can respect it for what it is now. Yeah. I tell you. But when I was in the moment, it felt like, oh, my partner isn’t allowed to be here, but I, I can understand it now. I can respect it now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I, I totally get that. I had a similar thing, it was my second cousin’s wedding. Gosh, I don’t even know how long ago it was.

My hu Now husband and I were just dating, but we were living together for years and they like invited, it was weird. It was like they invited all of us, but like they put like, I can’t remember, there was something weird about it, but like, we were like, oh, um, I don’t, I didn’t, I didn’t know if they like, didn’t know his name or something like, weird, but like I had been with him like longer than this couple had been.

So like they’d met him many times. Like, this is your person at this point box. Yeah. This is like very clearly my person. Yeah. Like he like plus one of the other weddings in the family, like, he’d been to their house and then this second cousin, it was like a fairly like quick like, which no hate or anything.

Of course. That’s, that’s awesome. Right. But it was fairly quick. So like, they had been together like a short time and like he wasn’t invited and I was like, oh, I’m just making sure. Yeah. And again, now looking back, I’m like, we were not that. I was not like super close with them. So I was like, I get it. And I ended up just going with my mom and my sister.

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. Which, you know, tho those can be fun times too. And it was fun, you know, like unexpected fun moments without, you know, the old ball and chain that, that’s fun too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I do think there’s a difference between, you know, you had been dating your now boyfriend for years and I was almost engaged versus like, oh, two weeks ago I met Jimmy, you know, down at the gas station.

Yeah. Can he come too? Yeah. Like that’s

Christa Innis: different to me. I know. I just read this crazy Reddit story this morning where it was like. This girl was demanding to be invited to her boyfriend of a few months wedding, like, or his friend’s wedding. And she, he was like, oh, I don’t get a plus one. And she’s like, well, I’m your girlfriend.

I should be able to go. And he’s like, well, they didn’t gimme one. I’m a groomsman. I don’t really wanna start anything. And she’s like, no, if you like really like me, you need to like bring me. And that’s where I’m like, it’s only three months. Mm-hmm. He’s probably only least friends for years. I don’t see like where, why you have to automatically give a plus one.

Right. I agree. I agree with that. It’s very, it’s very nuanced. I think in a lot of it, it’s not all black and white. It’s kind of like each individual thing is gonna have different. Rules. Right?

Colleen Borgert: Like we, we didn’t do kids at our wedding. We had a no kid wedding. Um, but our final total, even after we got all the nos for our RSVPs, we were up to like 370 people with no children.

Woo. Like, you know, and that is hard for people to grasp too, you know, like, what do you mean I can’t bring my kids?

Christa Innis: Yeah. But when

Colleen Borgert: you are from such a ginormous family like you. When you eliminate those kids, you’re able to say, okay, my second cousins can now come and, you know. Yeah. So I think we have to remember to pull back the curtain on everything and kind of say there, there’s always more back there than what we initially think.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. 375 people,

Colleen Borgert: too many.

Christa Innis: That is insane. It, it was like 360 people. Too many. Let me tell you, if you were to do it again, do you think you would do it a lot smaller?

Colleen Borgert: I would do it. I would do it so differently. I I would do it smaller. More intimate. Intimate. Is that inter intimate? Intimate. In intimate?

I kinda like intimate, but it’s intimate. Intimate, you know what I mean? I, yeah. I would make it, it would be much smaller, quaint, and just a few close people, and I would probably want to do a surprise. And just if you wanted to show up at this random thing I invited you to, you get to come to my way. Oh, I love that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I know, I think it’s like with age, we’re kind of like, because I always tell people if I were to get married in my early twenties or something, I think I would’ve gone way too big. Invited way too many people. Mm-hmm. And you know, like I had just been outta college or something, so I’d probably had like all my college friends.

Yes. My bridesmaids. And it’s like now here I am, like 15 years or ish out of college and I’m like doing the quick math out of college and I’m like. Half those people I don’t even talk to anymore. So I’m like, I’m, I would not have wanted them at the wedding. ’cause then they’re gonna be all these pictures like, you know?

Right. And that’s exactly how it,

Colleen Borgert: you know, and, and I’m blessed and lucky and it’s easy for me to be, to say now, like, oh, I would do it differently. But that’s because I got that moment. Mm-hmm. You know, I got the big moment of, you know, all my friends, all my family. But yeah. I don’t talk to the majority of the people that were there at no fault of theirs or mine life.

Just, I’m just, yeah. You know, just happens. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Did you get pushback with the no kids at your wedding?

Colleen Borgert: I did. There were a couple people that gave me pushback. Um, a couple family members and a couple friends. Uh, one of my bridesmaids had had her daughter like two weeks before the ceremony, so she brought her daughter to like, feed her parents came like, things like that didn’t bother me.

Yeah. But if I knew if I am, if I let. One family bring their two kids, then the next family had, and then before you know it, it’s 500 people. Right. And you know, so it’s not that the children, it was more so just I needed the number as low as possible to be able to invite all those people I no longer see anymore.

Christa Innis: Right. And then you wanted to be equal playing ground for everybody. Right. For everybody. Totally makes sense. Yeah. That’s one thing people don’t realize. And a lot of the stories I get, it’s like, they’re like, just make me the exception. Oh, my kids are fine. It’s like, well, you don’t understand if I let you bring your two kids and then yours.

And then I read a story the other day where an aunt was told it was just the aunt and uncle, and then she RSVP’d for. Her adult children who are four kids, their significant others and their kids. So, so she wrote in on the card 15 or something, extra people.

Colleen Borgert: I can’t

Christa Innis: like you’re not talking to one extra person.

You’re talking three extra tables. Two extra tables,

Colleen Borgert: yeah. Like in, in, in what world and in what mind does that aunt think that that is okay? Like I can’t wrap my mind around people that do things like that. But there’s people out there that do it. Mm-hmm. All the time. Yes. It’s crazy.

Christa Innis: It’s, it’s again that mind frame of me.

This, this is, this is gonna affect me if I can’t do it this way, or Oh, it’s fine. Right. I’m the exception. She loves me so much. Yeah. I’m her favorite aunt. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s so funny ’cause when I like do these skits, people are, I’m like, when I’m like acting them out, I’m like, oh gosh, this is so dramatic.

I’m making this 10 times worse than it probably is. And people will comment and they’ll be like, no, that exact thing happened to me. Or like, that is exactly what, yeah. Talk that way. Yeah. I’m just like, oh man, this is wild. Okay, speaking of before we get too over on our time, so are you still, are we still okay on time?

Yeah, I, I’m, I’m good. Okay. Let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. So, as always, I’ve not read this yet, so feel free to stop me at any time and react or we’ll just kind of react together. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Let me see if I get my scroll. Okay, here we go. Here.

Bridesmaid Meets Her Groom’s Family

Hello Krista. I just wanna say I love your skits.

I have a story that still blows my mind years later. I’m not sure if it’s juicy enough to be considered drama, but it was wild for sure. Back in October of 2013, I started dating a man who was seven years older than me. I was 23 and he was 30. He had a younger sister who was exactly one month older than me.

She was the baby of the family and never did anything wrong in their eyes. She was also a teacher, which becomes important later because I’d always been, I’d always wanted to be an elementary school teacher, but had to pay for college on my own. Most of his family lived in New York or Florida, which also plays a role later.

Okay,

Colleen Borgert: hold on. So we’ve got a 30-year-old man. Mm-hmm. Dating a 23-year-old.

Christa Innis: 20. 23-year-old? Yes. Okay. And sister, who’s also 23 is my Okay. Teacher. Got it. Out of state relatives? Yes. Okay. By May, 2014, my then boyfriend had been in and out of the hospital several times for various issues, even having surgery to remove his appendix.

He thanked me for being by his side through everything and bought me a nice coach bag to show his appreciation. I had never owned a designer purse before. Then he asked my youngest sister for help, for help planning something my sister knew. I absolutely hated surprises and told me he wanted to propose and ask for suggestions.

So she’s just like, this is what he wants to do. Okay. I’m like, at what point? Okay, wait, so may They met in October, 2013 by May, 2014. So is it like a year and. No, not even, no, that’s just like six months. Oh, that’s like six months later.

Colleen Borgert: November, December, January, February. Yeah, that’s like five, six months. Oh, wow.

Okay. Okay. We are going, went

Christa Innis: along. Okay. Uh, then he asked. Okay. She gave him several ideas, so I wouldn’t know which one he’d pick or when it would happen. He also asked my biological dad for permission, which was odd because I’d always been closer with my mom. Okay. Mm-hmm. You would think he would know that, but maybe not in five months.

I mean only six months. Who knows? Who knows? Yeah. In 24, in June, 2014, he proposed and I said, yes, his youngest sister. Okay, so now his youngest sister planned a visit to our town in July, 2014 to see one of her guy friends. Okay. He messaged her brother. Okay. I’m like drawing my head. Yeah. Oh yeah. Duh. Oh my gosh.

Saying she wanted to see him and meet me. Okay. So they hadn’t met.

Colleen Borgert: And she’s getting ma. Okay. So she has yet to meet even his family at this point?

Christa Innis: Yeah, and they’re engaged. So she’s just kind of, okay. So she was just giving us background on the sister, but at this point they hadn’t even met. So he meets this girl and proposes in six months.

She hasn’t met the family. Maybe they don’t live, comes in town. Right. So she comes in town when she wants to meet. We planned everything around her visit, but when she arrived, she met up with her friend and blew us off.

Colleen Borgert: Oh, okay. To this.

Christa Innis: Oh, it gets better. I have never met her

Colleen Borgert: to this day. Hold on. Pause.

Pause one. They’re still together. I don’t, well, I don’t know if she

Christa Innis: just wrote to this day. I’ve never met her. Oh, oh. So I’m like really confused, like, is this, we’re talking 11 years later. And that 2014, unless I’m reading, is

Colleen Borgert: weird, flabbergasted. Like, so there’s nothing to indicate if the, if they are still together, except the phrase.

To this day, I still have not met her.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’m gonna see. Let’s see. Okay. Let’s see what happens next. But I’m pretty sure she means like she just blew her off that time and then that was it. I don’t know. Okay. She says we set our wedding date for Saturday, October 25th, 2014. So about a year after they met, no one from his family was able to attend.

Oh.

Colleen Borgert: Red. Is that a red, is that a flag for you? I think it’s

Christa Innis: a red flag. Yeah. That’s a why. Okay. So Sister blew, blew them off, doesn’t go to meet her. And then no one from his family can just make it right. That, that seems red. That’s red flag. Red flags are everywhere for me. They’re, they’re popping. I’m sorry to this.

I mean, I don’t know what happens next. So, I’m sorry to this person that, that sent this in, but I’m just like, this is all very fast. Yeah. And weird that his family can’t show up.

Colleen Borgert: Right. And I think the, the, the age is like, the red flags are like popping and I’m like, hold on a second. So I’m excited to hear what comes next.

Yes. ’cause I’m trying to put it all together in my mind.

Christa Innis: Yeah, same. I know I’ve got like the family tree going on right here. Yeah, drawing here. Um, okay. Um, so no one from his family was able to attend, but they planned to watch the ceremony live on his sister and like, oh,

Colleen Borgert: 2014, is that like what on, like, how do you watch it live in 2014?

Yeah,

Christa Innis: because Facebook Did you like Zoom? Like I don’t even remember Facebook Live in 2014 because was I in 2014? Oh, I was having a baby. Okay, you’re like where? Yeah, I was having a baby. You were. But yeah. How do you I don’t know because I remember, okay, I was working at trade show. I honestly think it was 2014 at my fir, one of my first jobs outta college.

And they, my manager, I worked in marketing and she was like, look at this new app where you can live stream. And I remember her showing me, and that was before like Facebook Lives and stuff, because then I think it was bought by Facebook. So that may some, she had something, she had something, something maybe even like FaceTime and can you, you could FaceTime then, right?

I don’t even know. I

Colleen Borgert: feel like I still had a flip phone back then. Like with the A, B, C texting, you know, like, dun, dun dun. Oh my gosh. You had to hit it like three. I mean, you’re so young. Did you ever have a phone like that? I’m not that much younger than you, honestly. Oh, you look amazing Ellie. How you tell me you’re younger than me?

I’m turning 35 this year. Okay. Yes. You are a baby. You are a baby.

Christa Innis: Is that what, five years? That’s not seven. Seven. I, it’s funny though. I see seven. Oh, okay. Well, I don’t know. Yeah, it’s all, it’s alright. It’s all I feel like you’re at, I’m at the age where like. I, I was gonna say I have friends in their twenties, but I’m like, I don’t, I guess I have some friends in their twenties, but I have friends in their four, you know, like it’s Right.

You’re

Colleen Borgert: now to the point where you can go both sides.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, I had an hour long conversation with my like 85-year-old neighbor last night and it was the best, like, I love chatting with her and so I’m like, I just, age doesn’t matter to me. Yeah. But, um, it’s funny, I like see 2014 and it also feels like yesterday and then I’m like, wait a second.

I have to remind myself, we’re like in the 20. That was a long time ago. Yeah, it was a while ago. Oh my gosh. Um, okay, she says, um, then on his sister’s birthday, September 26th, we’re giving some personal details though, so hopefully they don’t listen to this. Um, he was in the hospital again. I had no cell service and was too focused on my fiance.

The next day I reached out to her, to which, her belated happy birthday. So I’m confused. So. She says they never met. Maybe they just mean in person. So she talked to her. I think she has to meet in person. I,

Colleen Borgert: yeah, because she came in town in July, the sister blew her off.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Colleen Borgert: And then I’m thinking September he gets sick.

And then the wedding is in October.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s what it sounds like.

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. So, so they just haven’t met in person. They’re a, B, C, texting each other, right?

Christa Innis: Yeah. On their flip list. Texting. Yeah. So, okay. So she reached out to Wisher, um, a belated happy birthday and apologized for missing it the day before. She completely lost it on me, calling me a horrible person for ignoring her on her birthday.

Colleen Borgert: No hard pass.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, we’re not like five or six years old where we like, you know, you are at this point, if she was praying like 24, like you can survive one

Colleen Borgert: day.

Christa Innis: Right. And your brother’s in the hospital. Mm-hmm.

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. Like, yeah. That’s, that’s another flag flags.

Christa Innis: Huge red flag. Yes. Where, where are his parents in all of this?

Like, right, like she hasn’t really mentioned them except that they’re just not coming. They’re not coming. Which is weird ’cause it says family’s in New York and Florida. They’re in, um, Kansas City. It says. Okay. Then she insulted me saying she was a teacher and I was too dumb to finish college and get my teaching license.

Oh no. Just missing a birthday by one day and being with your brother in the hospital.

Colleen Borgert: Oh no. College. If you go to college, it does not make you any smarter than anybody else. I don’t get that many Gives, gives you a set of tools to be able to do a job. It doesn’t equate to being smarter than anybody.

Right?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And don’t, I just don’t get that mentality of like mm-hmm. Oh, I went to college and you didn’t, it’s like you probably went to college ’cause you had either a privilege to go to college, right? You had funds to go to college. You had, you don’t, you don’t know the full story of, and you’ll just choose not to.

And that it’s ally. Okay. And there’s no one’s smarter if we’re going or not going. Right? Oh

Colleen Borgert: yeah. That, that would, that would be like a, like I would feel that as a knife. Mm-hmm. Like that, that comment to me that that would stay with me. I feel like I’d carry that for a while.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, for sure. Um, it says, after that she blocked me on everything.

My fiance was upset for a moment and then defended her saying That’s just who she is, and she’ll come around soon. Soon enough. No, someone that says that they’re not coming around Uhuh. And that’s also like, that is your

Colleen Borgert: fiance.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Colleen Borgert: This is the person that you’re getting ready to say I do too. And you’re just, he’s just gonna be okay with people being mean to you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And see, this is where, again, I don’t know the rest of the story, so I’m sorry if it works out a different way, but like, I hope, I don’t know, maybe it doesn’t work out, but like someone that like jumped the gun really quickly to someone that was much younger than him and was like, let’s move fast. Six months from now we’re getting engaged.

My family’s not gonna be there. I don’t know. I’m getting some bad vibes and I don’t, yes. So

Colleen Borgert: I live by the rule that whoever you date, if you can subtract that amount of years and you wind up under the age of 18, it, it shouldn’t happen

Christa Innis: yet. You know? So, so if you subtract her age by their distance Yes.

Yeah. Of seven years.

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. Then I’m like, Hmm, that’s, that’s icky to me a little bit. Mm-hmm. You know, not to say that it, it, it won’t work out, and I hope that it did, and I hope that they’re happy. But that age gap, the, the life experiences that people have are so vastly different. Yeah. You know, a 30-year-old to a 37-year-old, they’ve had a lot of similar life experiences.

You know, you minus that number and it’s like, okay, they’ve been a, a grown adult for a long time, so it’s not necessarily the number that I get. Tripped up on. Yeah, it is. How much life experience is attached

Christa Innis: to those numbers? No, that’s a really, that’s a really good point. ’cause people are always like, well, my parents are this or that.

And it’s like, it’s a good point of like, well, when did they meet? How did they meet? What, what were they at in their life? Right. Um, ’cause yeah, I’m thinking like 23. Like, I was like freshly. I mean, I graduated at 23, so I was like, freshly outta college 30. Like, you’ve been in the, you know, job field for a while.

Colleen Borgert: Yes. And you know what you want in life, you know, and you know this man, he may be like, yeah, that, that’s the woman that I want. I’m going after her. You know, I’m, I’m gonna, I’m gonna get her. But was she ready for that? Could she see the red flag of hey, your fiance. He is not supporting you right now. And I think that that comes with life experience, you know, just growing into your own as a woman and, and the value that you bring to the table, you know?

Yeah. So, I don’t

Christa Innis: know. It’s a little, Hmm. Yeah, it’s a little, um, interesting. Okay. She says she never watched our wedding. Okay. So they got married and to this day, I haven’t spoken to her since September 27th, 2014. So we’re talking about 11 years. So they

Colleen Borgert: got married still. I’m so happy that they are happy.

I wanna put that out into the universe, but I’m still so confused.

Christa Innis: Well, there is still more. Oh, okay. Let’s go something. We can see what, what’s so, but she, so she said she hasn’t spoken to her. I even visited their mother’s house Oh, oh. In New York in February of 2015 where she lived. I still never saw or heard from her.

Interesting. She lived there and then didn’t show up.

Colleen Borgert: You refused to come by

Christa Innis: in November. Here we go. In November, 2014, I asked for a divorce and thanked his dad and stepmom for trying to help us through our marriage troubles. I I, can I give a I knew it. I was like, can I applaud it? Like, yes girl. I just,

Colleen Borgert: you know, and maybe it was the sister, maybe she was looking at it all being like, I can’t support this.

Like, I can’t, but No, no. Nope. I can’t validate that sister’s comment in my mind. The comment I

Christa Innis: tried. Yeah, I know. We were trying to be like, I know. And it’s like, where does that come from though? Either like where I’ve, I have a lot of questions still too. Um, it says his stepmom threatened to have his dad, my now ex father-in-law.

End my life if I ever contacted her son again. What? Because she asked for a divorce that just a whole family sounds very toxic. And red flag. She

Colleen Borgert: dodged a bullet. Like literally it sounds like she dodged a bullet. Yeah. Because the mom is like, I’m gonna enter your life. So she

Christa Innis: also very threatening, like Right.

Trolling maybe?

Colleen Borgert: Yeah. No, that, that whole 30 to 23, my flag went up immediately. I knew it. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: You, I, I saw your face too. And you’re like, wait, so she’s 23? He’s 30 there. Oh, six months later they went. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Um, so they were married for, wait, they weren’t even married a month because it says their wedding date was set for October 25th.

She filed for divorce in November, so it wasn’t even a full month.

Colleen Borgert: Oh my like, okay. Does she include like, where am I now? Like, do we get to heal? Hear like the healing part of all of this because, um,

Christa Innis: no, but there’s a little bit more. Okay. Because like a little more of a paragraph. Let’s see. Um, it says we got back together for a little while, but never spoke to his dad, stepmom or sister again.

I later found out his older siblings were annoyed at how much their younger sibling, younger sister got away with. I mean, at 24 she threw a fit because her brother was in the hospital and I wished her happy birthday a day late. It wasn’t like I’d forgotten entirely. Side note, I graduated a few years later after divorcing her abusive brother.

Okay, now we’re getting a little more of the context. Yes. And I’m working on my master’s degree. I also ended up teaching for a few years.

Colleen Borgert: Yay. Yes, queen. I love that. That was

Christa Innis: a happy ending because you know what? You saw your worth and you saw like, I went out of this situation and I’m glad. It was not even a month that you were just like, you know what?

I’m out. And I hope this is a lesson too for people listening that like, ’cause I’ve had, I’ve had friends before that are like, well, everything’s already paid for. We have to go through the wedding. It’s like, it’s never too late. Like just if you are in a bad relationship, it’s okay. Like it’s Right. Or Yeah.

Colleen Borgert: And, and that goes like both ways too. Like as a boy mom, having only boys, like I want them to know that as well. Like they bring worth to the table too. And they need to be love and respected. And if they need me to fake a heart attack as I’m lighting that wedding candle so that they can run out of the back door, I, ugh, I will do it.

I will do it for them. It’s never too late for happiness.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, I totally agree. I feel like we, obviously, we don’t know the full situation here, but the fact that she threw in that he was abusive, abusive. Which I kind of got the vibe he was controlling or something because of, you know, the moving so quickly and, um, him being a lot older.

But, um, yeah, that, I mean, that’s, that’s a scary situation. So always knowing in your gut or like listening to your gut about it. I hope she had someone on her side that was like, Hey, this doesn’t seem right. Right. ’cause it sounds like they went to his, his dad and stepmom for like, helping through marital issues.

So I don’t know if she had anyone on her side that was like, Hey, this guy is not right for you. Like this Also having Yeah. Also having that like third party, like, I know like, as like, you know, you, it’s nice that his parents were willing to help, but I feel like they should probably have had like a th like a therapist or something come in and Right.

Really sit them down Yeah. And be like,

Colleen Borgert: this is what we’re looking at here.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But I’m glad she got out of that because that could be very bad.

Colleen Borgert: Oh my gosh, yes. Like I, and again, it’s that life experience. Like you just don’t know. At such a young age, sometimes you do, but most part, like, you just, you don’t know what you don’t know.

Yeah. And it’s hard to see those things until that frontal lobe is developed, which is like 25, you know? So wild.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. It’s wild how like, at least like my grandparents’ age, it’s like they were like married, having kids like 19, 20, and that was like what they were expected to do. And they went to college to get their MRS and they, you know, that was their job.

Mm-hmm. And it’s just Wow. ’cause they were still children in my eyes. I’m like, you’re at 19, 20, 21. Like, you’re still a kid, right.

Colleen Borgert: You’re just a baby. Like you are still a, I’m still folding clothes for my college kid. I’m like, there’s no way you can get married right now. Like. I am folding your t-shirts for you.

Like the, it’s, you’re not ready. You’re not ready.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s, it’s wild. Um, well that was a wild story. Thank you to this person for sending that in because I think, um, it was a different kind of story that we’ve got, you know, and I think it’s good to kind of get all the angles of these kind of stories, and I’m really proud of you.

So, yeah.

Maid of Honor Regrets & MIL Drama

Colleen Borgert: Good job writer in person. What do you call the, what do you call, like submitter?

Christa Innis: Um, yeah, story submitter or like, I usually like online, I’ll say like op, like original or original poster, but I guess they’re not really posting it. They’re just sending it to me, so, yeah. Writer in.

Colleen Borgert: Good job. Writer in.

We’re proud of you. Yeah,

Christa Innis: we got, we’ve got great grammar over here. Oh my gosh. The number. It’s really in intimate, intimate over here. Intimate. Which honestly intimate. I think you could do something with that. Like I see, I, I worked in marketing the past like 13 years, so I always think of things you could do a mint at wedding.

It’s called an intimate, intimate listening. Oh, it’s so

Colleen Borgert: intimate here. I love it. If you’re listening, do it and then tag me in it so I can see all of your love.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh, I love it. Okay. I always end these on, um, a couple of confessions that people send in. So let’s read these and then we’ll get on with our days.

Okay. Okay. Um, let’s see.

Okay. This says, I kind of regret who I picked to be my maid of honor. I would’ve still had her as a bridesmaid, but yeah.

Colleen Borgert: Oh, I, I think that’s normal. You know, we kind of touched on that earlier. Just your life just changes and unfolds in different ways that you just don’t know how you’re going to need different people, and it’s okay that she was that person in your life, in that moment and that it might be someone different right now.

Like, it’s okay that both of those happened, and both of those can be true.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I’m, I’m kind of reading it as she hasn’t gotten married yet, and she like asked them, that’s how I’m reading, but maybe I’m reading it wrong. Like, she has, she asked them to be in the wedding and so like the wedding’s coming up, but they’re like, and she wants to take it back and like, maybe it’s like the maid of honor’s not really stepping up, but I think that’s too, it’s like.

Expectations and communication too. Or maybe that maid of honor just doesn’t really know what to do or, you know. Right. Or you’re just not as close with that person. It’s hard.

Colleen Borgert: It, yeah. It’s hard and you don’t wanna hurt anybody’s feelings.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, this says I plan to cut my mother-in-law out of my life, regardless of what my fiance wants to do.

Colleen Borgert: Oh, Ooh. That’s gonna, that’s, that’s a, a therapy for sure. I feel like. Right. Like,

Christa Innis: yeah. I mean, I feel like if, if the, if it’s valid where like the mother-in-law’s done something like terrible turn, just treats her poorly, then I feel like the fiance should be backing her up and like Right. Being that buffer.

I feel like it should never be between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law because this is about the son or something. Right. Right. There’s

Colleen Borgert: something

Christa Innis: going on

Colleen Borgert: and it shouldn’t just be about her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so it’s gonna be almost impossible. To just cut out the mother-in-law if the fiance is still talking to her.

Right. So then I need like, figured out of like, who is he gonna fully support? What’s the issue here? Right. Unless you guys just don’t get along, then I don’t know how that would work. But

Colleen Borgert: then you have to figure out like you’re, you’re gonna form a family together. Mm-hmm. Like, you’ve gotta figure it out.

Christa Innis: Gotta figure it out. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Uh, okay. This last one says, my grandma’s being, my, my grandma being my biggest supporter for eloping helped me elope and deal with all of the backlash.

Colleen Borgert: I love a good grandma. Like, is there anything better than a good grandma? There’s, there’s not, the, the, there hands down top five things a good grandma.

Like, you can’t, you can’t beat it. Yeah. And one that helps you elope and then says, not only am I gonna help you do it and I’ll help you plan it, but a grandma that says, you go and then I’ll tell everyone I did it and I’ll take the heat. Like, go live your life. That’s an amazing,

Christa Innis: you need that. I remember, it’s kind of funny, like, um, so I grew up, like I grew up Ca Catholic and I, um, you know, so like with Catholic parents, like, it’s like you don’t move in before you get married, like, right.

Mm-hmm. Like you child, my grandma’s Catholic, my parents, you know, like that. So this is nothing against that. It was just like how like I was raised, you know? And um, I remember though being like, I’m so close with my grandma that when my husband and I now husband, we were gonna move in together. I told her first and she was like, that’s great honey.

I’m so proud of you and my parents were fine with it. I’m the youngest. So they were like, by that point, they were like

Colleen Borgert: right by that point they’re just like, get out of here. Yeah.

Christa Innis: But I was like, it was just funny. Like, I told my friends, I was like, yeah, I told my, my, now she’s 90. But at the time, you know, she was.

Gosh, how long have I been with my husband? It was, she was like probably 80, but I like told her first and she was like, that’s great. I’m so proud, so excited.

Colleen Borgert: See top five. You’ve got one. She’s great. Yeah, you’ve got one. I’ve got one too. My grandma, um, for her 80th birthday five years ago, she’s still here.

Um, she jumped out of an airplane. She went skydiving on her way and

Christa Innis: we all went and

Colleen Borgert: yeah, she even, you know, got a second set of dentures so that if they fell out, she would have her. She was ready. She visited all of her doctors to get like the, okay, but there’s nothing better than a good grandma.

Christa Innis: That is amazing.

Oh my gosh, I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you.

Colleen Borgert: This was so much fun. I truly enjoyed it.

Christa Innis: Good. Oh, I’m so glad. Like it was so much fun hanging out with you. And can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content, and then anything fun you’re kind of working on?

Colleen Borgert: Yeah, so again, my name is Colleen Boer. You can find me on Instagram at at Miss Colleen b or at Leany Borg on TikTok. And if you are looking for educational news that is happening in this political climate, I am the teacher you want to follow. ’cause I’m gonna give it to you like it is. I love it. Awesome.

Well thank you so much. This was awesome. Thank you. Have a wonderful night.

Christa Innis: You too.

by Christa Innis

Hired Bridesmaids, Fake Weddings, and a Parking Lot Party with Jen Glantz

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Weddings and meltdowns? A tale as old as time. In this hilarious and heartfelt episode, Christa chats with Jen Glantz, professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, about the chaos, comedy, and confessions that come with walking down the aisle.

From makeup disasters to fire alarms (yes, really), we hear a wild listener story that proves a great attitude and a solid DJ can save any wedding. Jen also shares her bold take on why the bridesmaid tradition might be on its way out — and we are HERE for it.

So grab your glass of champagne and tune in for secrets, laughs, and a whole lot of drama. Because if it didn’t go off the rails at least once, was it even a wedding?

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:40 Starting Bridesmaid for Hire

02:10 First Experiences as a Hired Bridesmaid

03:37 Wedding Drama and Secrets

10:32 Reflections on Weddings and Marriage

24:12 Surprise Weddings vs. Bridal Showers

24:39 Bridesmaid Dress Dilemmas

26:26 Wedding Day Mishaps and Makeup Mayhem

28:01 A Wedding Day Story: Locked in the Bridal Suite

36:02 Wedding Chaos and Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

When Makeup Goes Rogue – One bridesmaid’s obsession with touch-ups led to mismatched foundation and delayed the entire glam schedule. A perfect example of beauty chaos in action.
Locked in the Bridal Suite – Just minutes before the ceremony, the bride was accidentally locked in a historic art museum room by a kid… and had to be freed by maintenance.
The Corn-on-the-Cob Catastrophe – Steam from dinner set off the museum’s smoke detectors, forcing a full-on evacuation mid-wedding. Yes, over corn.
Dancing in the Parking Lot – With no venue access, the bartender rolled out drinks and the DJ kept the party going outside. Crisis = avoided.
The Uninvited Plus-One – An estranged wife of a guest showed up unannounced and partied like she was on the list. Because of course she did.
The Case for Bridesmaid Extinction – Jen shares her spicy hot take that bridesmaids aren’t just unnecessary, they’re on their way out completely.
Strangers Are the Best Listeners – Jen opens up about why she connects more deeply with strangers than friends, and how that makes her job as a pro bridesmaid uniquely powerful.
Chaos, Confessions, and a Wedding That Still Won – Despite the disasters, the couple (and their guests) still call it the most fun wedding they’ve ever been to, and that’s the real win.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“This is like literally a movie-like, all these little things that happen? Insane. Wild.” – Christa Innis
“We shield ourselves in certain ways, not because someone’s making us, but because it just feels easier to be our full selves around strangers sometimes.” – Christa Innis
“If you go into your wedding day knowing something will go wrong, you’re gonna be fine. It’s the ones expecting perfection that freak out.” – Christa Innis
“Please, guests, don’t tell the bride drama during the wedding. Save it for next week!” – Christa Innis
“Just leave it to the professionals, and please, put down the iPad.” – Christa Innis
“I don’t love weddings, I love helping strangers through one of the most stressful times in their lives.”– Jen Glantz
“Your best friend might lie to spare your feelings. I won’t, I’ve got no stakes in this game.” – Jen Glantz
“Being locked in a room on your wedding day? That’s my literal nightmare.” – Jen Glantz
“You don’t need bridesmaids. In five to ten years, I think they’ll be extinct.” – Jen Glantz
“If you have good people and good vendors, they can carry you through anything, even a wedding evacuation.” – Jen Glantz

About Jen:

Jen Glantz turned a closet full of bridesmaid dresses into a bold idea: what if you could hire a professional bridesmaid? After joking about always being a bridesmaid, a lightbulb moment, and a Craigslist ad, led to 250+ inquiries in two days. In 2014, she launched Bridesmaid for Hire, offering unbiased support in a $300B wedding industry. Since then, Jen’s helped hundreds of clients, trained a team of pros, and become the go-to expert on wedding chaos, featured on the TODAY Show, GMA, and more.

Follow Jen Glantz:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Jen. Thank you for being here.

Jen Glantz: Thank you so much for having me.

Christa Innis: It feels so funny to like say hi now ’cause we’ve just been chatting nonchalantly for like 30 minutes. I’m like, oh, maybe we should like start recording. I feel like we just so naturally just started like hanging out like old friends. ’cause I’ve been following your content for such a long time and I feel like it just fits so well into what we’re gonna talk about today.

Jen Glantz: Oh, I’m so excited to be here. I love the show. I’ve been following you too, and I feel like we’re like long distance best friends who needed a reason to meet and now we’re meeting, so this is great.

The Professional Bridesmaid Who Saves Weddings (and Keeps Secrets)

Christa Innis: Yeah, and we just found out that our daughters are like pretty much twins, like born the same time, so that’s pretty fun too. So all these things just lining out, which is kind of cool. So let’s talk about a little bit more about you. you started Bridesmaid for Hire, so let’s talk about that and then we’ll get into all the drama and crazy stories that you might have. So how did you get started and like what made you start it?

Jen Glantz: It was such an accident. I was in my early twenties and like a lot of people, I was just asked to be a bridesmaid so many times by friends. And then what happened? It was like distant friends, people I hadn’t spoken to in forever started asking me to be a bridesmaid.

And I didn’t really like being a bridesmaid. I thought it was expensive. I just thought it was like too much. I didn’t like it. And I was venting to my roommate one night after two of these distant friends asked me and she was like, Jen, they’re asking you ’cause you’re a professional. Like you’re just good at this.

And I had like a light bulb moment where I thought, okay, if I could do this for people who I hardly know, maybe I could do it for people I really don’t know. And at the time, Craigslist was a big thing. So it was a Friday night. I opened up Craigslist and I posted an ad offering my services as a hired bridesmaid for strangers.

The ad went completely viral. I got hundreds of emails, people wanting to hire me, and now it’s been a decade and I’ve been a hired bridesmaid for hundreds of strangers.

Christa Innis: That’s amazing. I was gonna ask you, how many times have you been at BRIDESMAID now? So now it’s been like in the hundreds?

Jen Glantz: Yes. There were years where I worked like 59 weddings a year. I would work two or three weddings a weekend. I didn’t see anybody, none of my friends, not my boyfriend, who’s now my husband, like I was only on the road working weddings. I’ve since slowed down a little bit ’cause I have a toddler, but I still do it and the business is alive and well.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s amazing. And so. What was that like first wedding? Like where you worked with a stranger? Like were you kind of figuring things out because I’m sure it’s so different with someone you know, versus someone that like you know nothing about. Like were you interviewing them first, finding out that you’re a good match? What were kind of the stipulations for like working together?

Jen Glantz: It was so crazy ’cause I had posted this Craigslist ad. I got all these responses and I just happened to scroll through one, her name was Ashley from Maple Grove, Minnesota, and in her email she was like, I wanna hire you because my best friend, I just fired her as my maid of honor. She was jealous. She was sabotaging the wedding. Ashley had mentioned that her mom had passed away and she just really didn’t have the support that she needed. And I got the email. I called her up, we talked for a little bit, and I thought. Okay, let’s do this. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t the best bridesmaid in the world. I didn’t like being a bridesmaid. But I posted this ad for fun and I got this response and I thought, okay, well maybe it is my calling. So a couple weeks later, I got on a plane. I flew to Minnesota, I walked into her house and I was her bridesmaid for the weekend. We instantly connected. I found this like love for her in so many different ways.

I was able to show up for her. I walked down the aisle for her. I wore the dress. I danced on the dance floor with her. And I remember getting back on the plane thinking this was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And nobody’s gonna understand this, but I absolutely know that this is something that the world needs and I’m gonna spend my life doing it. And that was 10 years ago.

Christa Innis: Wow. So I’m sure you get, like you said, like this girl had just fired her maid of honor. So I’m sure you get all kinds of like dirt or tea or stories like from people that are like, okay, like this is the bridesmaid to look out for, or we’re having issues with this bridesmaid. Like, are you so quickly like brought into the drama or brought into the dynamics of the family?

Jen Glantz: Oh, beyond. I don’t know if you realize this, like, and you do this probably too. It’s like we tell strangers things a lot easier than we do tell our friends, our family members. I know like, I’ve been on the subway or I’ve been on a bench in New York and I’ve struck up conversation with someone and told them a secret that my friends don’t even know about me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: You know, we go to therapy, we tell the therapist things nobody knows about us. Yeah. So to a lot of people who hire me, I’m that temporary pair of ears that they can just trauma dump and never have to see again.

Yeah. I think. Interesting thing is, is that when someone hires me, nobody else knows I’m hired.

So they don’t tell their family, their friends, sometimes they don’t even tell their Beyonce. But I do think I bring this energy to people around me of you can trust me, you can tell me things and I won’t judge you. ’cause I really have no stake in the game to judge you. Mm-hmm. So I end up being that bridesmaid with no agenda, no real intentions. And people come to me to tell me things because I think I give off that energy. So I have mothers telling me things, bridesmaid telling me things like everyone telling me things and yeah, you often leave the wedding and you’re like, I am so full with drama right now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with like, I need to explode, but I have nowhere to explode. It’s the weirdest and worst feeling after the wedding.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I mean, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s like one of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. Oh, that was the first time that this has happened to me. Like, you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

Yeah. But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years into the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her like, look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. You know?

But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because like that just doesn’t seem right to me. Yeah, this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and my, you know, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is, is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the wedding, the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is crazy. It was crazy.

Christa Innis: Like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind of like it sounds so crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both like, yeah, you know, I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just like have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So like nobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways. And that happens. I mean, not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I’ve, seen it happen before too, where like all the signs were there and I’ve talked this before, so sorry to people listening. They’re like, I’ve heard this story, but A wedding that I was in years ago, and it was like all the signs, like every single event that we had around the wedding, the shower, the bachelorette party, even the rehearsal like ended with her in tears, like saying, I don’t wanna do this and I, like, we all sat in the car and we’re like, you don’t have to do this. We will figure out a way to get you out of this. But it was like more about now the presentation of the wedding and it was like, no, we’ll make it work. And I’m like, if you have all these negative gut feelings, I don’t know, like something’s telling me, you know? And so I feel like that happens a lot too. ’cause it’s more of the pressure of the big day, oh, family’s flying in. Oh we already paid the vendor. Or what are people gonna think of us? And it’s like, well it either doesn’t work out now or down the line it you get divorced or whatever. But yeah…

Jen Glantz: And in a weird way I get it because I do think like it’s hard to back out right before, and I’ve talked to so many people who are like. I remember walking down the aisle of my first marriage thinking, wow, this is gonna suck to have to do again. Like they knew on their wedding day that it just wasn’t gonna work.

But they were so far deep into it, and I get that, like, you get yourself so far into a situation, you might just take it to the finish line and then back out of it after. I can never judge people for that, and I completely, completely get it. But yeah, it’s really weird when someone admits that to you because there’s this aura around a wedding that everyone’s supposed to be in love and happy, but that’s not always the case.

Christa Innis: Right. I know. I think that’s where like in the wedding industry, it gets very caught up with like, looks and appeal and like, who’s spending the most money. And I feel like that’s where like a lot of the drama comes into with like, the lot of stories I read, it’s all about like looking good and like, flashy, flashy. And it’s like, are we getting lost in the mix of all this chaos around weddings versus like. A couple that just has a very intimate wedding and just signs a paper, Or just has like 15 other closest friends,not saying one’s better than the other, but I feel like sometimes we get lost in like what other people want for us or looking good in front of other people, for sure.

Jen Glantz: I think it’s scary because we get so lost in it that the wedding ends and then you’re left with the marriage and you’re like, wait a second. I spent no time thinking about the marriage. I spent no time planning what would be next. That there is that wedding blues thing where after you get married you’re like, what now?

What is life? Do I really wanna be with this person forever? Like I didn’t even have a wedding. But I did feel that after we got married, the first year of marriage was so hard for me. ’cause I was like, wait a second. I’m stuck with this my whole life, like this little thing about my husband, like he’s never gonna change this.

I have to deal with this forever. Like I definitely had moments of that where I was like, wait a second. But like I think we just feel really strange after the wedding. And if you do a good job preparing for marriage, asking your partner the right questions, being on the same page about finances and future stuff, then the wedding will end no matter how you get married.

And your marriage will be off to a good start. But if you focus so much on the wedding and then you leave the wedding, you’re in debt, you’re sad ’cause that chapter’s over, it makes marriage really hard and that first year can be kind of brutal.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree with that too. I feel like there’s a lot of people that don’t realize or they realize, but they kind of pushed it aside. They’re like, oh, everything’s just gonna fall in place. Because I think it’s like the movies, you know, we talk about the movies and it’s like, you see all these like romance movies when you grow up and the finish line is the marriage or the wedding, right? And so like they get married at the end, they fall in love and they live happily ever after. I dunno if it’s like how girls grow up, right? We see these movies with princesses but like there’s more after the happily ever. After the big thing, there’s the actual life starting now.

Jen Glantz: It’s so boring. Like honestly, it’s so boring. So like how are you gonna be okay with that? You know? I feel like you planned this like grand wedding and then it’s over, and then you’re like, wait, now I’m on the couch with this person for the rest of my life. There’s a big reality check that I think people feel and no one really talks about.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah. I think that’s such an important conversation. I mean, we see these a lot, these stories when they come together, to get married. And then it’s like that, we were just talking about this before recording, how different families and personalities come together for this big day.

You hear like for example, somebody’s mother-in-law stories and then now you’re like, I’m married into this family, so now I have to see this mother-in-law at every single event. Or I have to see this cousin that hates me every single event or whatever that is. So like what people say is you’re not just marrying your partner, you’re marrying the family, or you’re marrying a routine or you’re marrying, that becomes your life, I guess.

Jen Glantz: It really does. I think the drama you’re experiencing within the wedding won’t go away. When the wedding is over. It will carry through to your life. So how you deal with it, how you process it, how you fix it during the wedding will be an indication of how you can handle it after. Because drama doesn’t just come and go with the wedding I think it sticks around for a long time, if not forever sometimes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So in these scenarios, when you are hired as a bridesmaid, I feel like some of these dramatic moments are moments where they like kind of wanna like pull you into what’s going on. How do you like mix, empathy versus professionalism versus like how do you kinda like carry, I feel like it’d be so challenging for some of these moments.

’cause you’re like, okay, am I a friend here, but am I also like a bridesmaid? Like how do you do all that?

Jen Glantz: The only way to do it is to go all in. To go all in and pretend and not pretend, but to truly believe that this person is your friend, and to treat them that way and to show them like this level of love that you have for your friends, for this person you hardly know, which I think makes doing the job hard.

And you at the core have to be a person who. Likes other people who enjoys other people, even people who are so different than you. So I go all in. I have to listen to the drama, I have to take it on. It becomes my drama. And you have to really be there for the person, even if inside you’re thinking, this is so stupid.

This is so, like, there’s bigger problems in life. Like you’re thinking all these things. It’s just like when your friend vents to you and you’re like, I wanna tell them. Like, get over it. But instead you’re like, no, I’m here. I hear you. I’m listening. Well, how can we get through this? Like, you really have to be in the moment.

But I think again, when you leave these weddings, you never see these people again. You’re cut off from the drama, you don’t always know how things end. And you go back to your real life and you’re like, who do I talk to about this? And for a while it was like really, really hard. It would take me like 24 to 48 hours to detox from this drama and everything I experienced.

And it was really tough. And my husband, who was my boyfriend back then. He would be like listening, but he wouldn’t be able to fully understand or process ’cause he didn’t walk in those shoes.

Christa Innis: Right.

Jen Glantz: So yeah, it became really hard. It became like I was living in this double life where I’d come back to my real life and I would be like depressed because I’m just like shedding all of this emotion that I carried for a weekend.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think I saw, and I, if you do this for every wedding, but like sometimes you like. People don’t know you’re a hired bridesmaid. so sometimes you have a story means you have a different name. So how did that kind of start and do you think those are more common than being who you are as like known of, a hired bridesmaid?

Jen Glantz: So most of the time when they hire me, I have a fake name, a fake backstory, and I integrate into their life. So they’ll say, okay, I want you to be Jackie from high school. Here’s where I went to high school. Here’s everything you need to know. And I study this identity. I study all the facts from street corners to clubs we were in.

I read the yearbook like, oh my gosh, on this role as Jackie. And then when the wedding ends, Jackie disappears. And it’s not that weird ’cause like friends do come and go from our lives. So it’s very normal that Jackie would just be flaky and like never talk to this person again. That happens. So I become Jackie and then I ditch Jackie.

And then the next wedding I go to, I become Samantha. And I change my identity for these people to really integrate into their lives. They wanna keep it a secret. They don’t want people to know, and that’s their choice. And I carry that out for them.

Christa Innis: Wow. So. That sounds like you’re like the FBI or you’re like undercover. Do you ever stress out about like, what if I actually say the wrong name when I’m just chatting with someone?

Jen Glantz: Oh, like beyond the secret is when you’re talking to people, you just talk more about them and not about you. So like if they ask me a question, I’m like, everything’s good. I’m like, yeah, I’m good.

How about you? Like you just throw it back on them so that you don’t talk very much, which is. Totally fine. Like you could be the shy bridesmaid who just is like kind of aloof and that’s the personality you take on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That also sounds so fun ’cause it’s like you get to like live up whatever, like you’re just telling these crazy stories. You’re like, yeah, when I was in college I did this. And you’re just living your best life. Do you go to bachelorette parties? Do you go to showers? Like what other kind of events do you attend and like what are those kind of like?

Jen Glantz: I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are kind of more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light. Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. So I think that’s like a lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it. I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just like be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

I’m Not Wedding-Obsessed But I’ll Be There for You”

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then like being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and like what are your favorite parts of it all?

Like, because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this, this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that like shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You know, I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings. I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this like deep love for strangers and helping people Idon’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect with strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a part of your wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. Right? And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or you know, whatever it is. Um, yeah, and I’m

Jen Glantz: Not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So like, if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s kind of the relationship is like, I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. Like go through it that go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that I’m, my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that you said too, like it’s easier to talk to strangers about things than like people in your own life. ’cause I was like, it’s weird. I like kind of, I get that what you’re talking about. It’s such like a profound thing that I’ve never thought about. But like even when I started my TikTok account, I made sure like. It was a brand new account. I didn’t tell any of my, even like best friends that I was doing other than my husband, no one knew I was making videos on TikTok until like it hit a certain point. Then I was like, okay, they’ll probably see it somewhere. So I was like, here, like, just so you know, I’m not like lying or like making things up. I was like, here, this is my account. because it just felt easier to almost feel like, you know what? These people don’t know anything about me. I can be like on the internet and do a weird skit and know they’re not gonna be like, oh, that girl’s weird. ’cause I’m like, I have no idea who that is. You know.

Jen Glantz: Less pressure for you because then you don’t have to think about, okay, what is my friend gonna think of this? Or what is this person gonna think? Like, it’s less pressure, it’s the more authentic version of you. I think it’s amazing when people do that because I think like we’re so swayed by the people in our lives for so many things.

Like I think It could be good to get engaged and not tell anybody for a really long time and spend that time making your own decisions about what you want for your wedding because you’d be surprised, like the second you get engaged and you tell people, everybody has an opinion for you. Everybody is swaying you one way or the other. And I think that’s really hard for people. So I love that you did that because I really think it allows you to be authentic without the pressure of everyone in your life.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think we definitely, I don’t know if it’s like shield ourself in certain ways. Not because one’s making us, but I just think we naturally like maybe act a certain way around someone or say something around a person. And that allows us to be like our, like you said, authentic self.

Okay. I know we’re kind of like behind schedule and I know you’ve got, I don’t wanna like keep you too long, so let’s get to the next area and if we have a cutoff, let me know too.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God, no. Thank you. I’m like texting my husband. He’s like, Just wondering. So I was like texting you.

Blisters, Secrets, and Surprise Weddings

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, sorry. Okay, so we’re gonna do a quick rapid fire and then we’re gonna do this week story submission, if that works for you. Okay. So Rapid Fire Wedding Chaos Edition. Would you rather find out the bride copied your wedding, or your best friend booked her wedding the same day as yours?

Jen Glantz: I’d rather someone copy my wedding because I feel like. That wouldn’t bother me as much. I do feel like it would make me kind of flattered that they liked my style or my design, but I think my best friend having the same wedding, that would be, really awful. Like, yeah, that’d be tough to get over. And I think it would separate the friendship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I agree. Would you rather have a maid of honor speech include your most embarrassing story story or your biggest secret?

Jen Glantz: I think embarrassing story. ’cause I think if it’s enough distance, time-wise, you can process that. It’s funny but secret. That could be like a dagger to the heart. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially you don’t know if it’s coming. You’re like, great.

Jen Glantz: Right. No embarrassing story. I feel like with distance it could be funny.

Christa Innis: Yeah. would you rather have to plan a surprise bridal shower or a surprise wedding?

Jen Glantz: You know, I once went to a surprise wedding and it was so cool. So I think I would say surprise wedding actually, because I feel like it’s so shocking for everybody that like it is kind of magical. Whereas bridal shower, it’s cute, it’s fun, but like I think the wedding could be really, shocking.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like showers, like in my parents’ generation at least, they used to be a little more surprised. Like my mom was like, we never knew when it was coming, and like you would just get surprised. So, yeah well, surprise wedding sounds really fun. Would you rather wear a bridesmaid dress you hate, which you might have? Sorry about that. Or shoes that give you blisters.

Jen Glantz: Mm-hmm. God, this one’s like really dark. I would say bride me dress you hate. ’cause when you take it off at the end of the night, you can like leave it behind. But we’ve all had those blisters on our feet that linger for like a month and are so painful no matter what shoe you wear. Like my feet right now are like tingling, thinking about it. So I think I would say ugly dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can only imagine the amount of bridesmaid dresses you have. You could probably have a collection.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, they’re literally all in garbage bags at my husband’s, parents’ house, and then we have an office and I just have like garbage bags of dresses.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Jen Glantz: Ever need a bridesmaid dress? Let me know. I probably have it. Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: You could have like your own bridesmaid, like resale store or something from all of them.

Jen Glantz: I tell all my friends and I tell everyone I know, like, if you ever have to go to a wedding, call me first. I’ve got dresses in every size. Like, come over, take ’em. But the only rule is you cannot bring it back like once. It’s yours. It’s yours. I don’t want it.

Christa Innis: would you rather have to redo your hair and makeup three times or redo the seating chart the morning of.

Jen Glantz: I think the seating chart, I think you can get away with that easier, but you’re doing your hair and makeup, that takes so much time that I worry it would push the wedding time start. So…

Christa Innis: Yeah, that would stress me out. would you rather have a wedding, be kid free or phone free?

Jen Glantz: Because I have a kid, I’m gonna say phone free. I know that kid free weddings are like such a thing. But I do think there is such like life that these little kids bring to weddings and I’m so biased. But I do think like it’s more fun. Whereas like a phone wedding, I think we can all like put the phone down.

Like everyone’s taking like videos of them on the dance floor. Like of what? No one wants to see your head on Instagram of you like bobbing your head dancing.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: Let the kids come if you want.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Leave it to the, professional photographers. Yes, yes. Yeah. Be present. And it’s so funny because, and I know this is gonna be a blanket statement, but I feel like the, older generation that tends to be like, oh, get off your phone.

They’re the ones more on their phones at weddings when I am at weddings or their iPads.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. I was just gonna say that I’ve been to so many weddings where they’re the first two rows and their iPad is like up in the air and I’m like, oh my god. No. Yeah. I think like phone free would be amazing for everyone. Oh my gosh. I love that.

Locked Doors, Dessert Raids, and a Surprise Guest

Christa Innis: Okay, and now the story submission, are we still okay on time?

Jen Glantz: So nervous. Okay. Awesome.

Christa Innis: Okay, so this is this week’s story submission. I’ve not read it yet, so we’ll react together. this might be drama for some, but to me it was just funny. Here’s the story of our wedding day.

I come from a big family and most of them stayed in the same hotel as us the night before the wedding in different rooms. Of course, my husband took, my cousin, took it upon themselves. To make sure my husband and I didn’t accidentally run into each other the night before the ceremony. It was actually the first time he was meeting some of them, and he thought it was hilarious how seriously they took their self-appointed mission as my gift to my bridesmaids.

I paid for professional hair and makeup. One of my bridesmaid, let’s call her Leah, is a family member who kept going back for touchups between everyone else, the rest of the bridal party, my mom, even my daughter. Which caused a delay for me getting ready and threw off our timeline. Karma’s real though, because she had her makeup redone so many times.

I love that. We were just talking about having makeup redone and then this just happens. She had her makeup redone so many times. She ended up with two different foundation shades. So now in all the wedding pictures, she only shows up in profile. We got married in an art museum that used to be an old mansion.

The bridal suite was the original master bedroom complete with its original door. The museum was still open to the public when the wedding started, our ceremony was at 4:30 PM and the MU museum closed at five and there was a kid’s room right to the outside of the suite. Okay. A lot of, lot of set up details here.

Um, after the bridal party left to line up for the perception processional, I had a few minutes to myself. Not even two minutes later, I heard a kid fall into the door. Yep. They jammed it shut and I got locked inside. This sounds like a movie. Oh my gosh. I would be freaking out. Oh God. I would not do well with that. I’m telling you right now.

Jen Glantz: No, my like, literally my number one fear is getting locked inside of a bathroom. I will never lock the door. I’m like, this is like my fear. My fear,

Christa Innis: Yeah. Have you ever been somewhere where the, the doorknob gets like clicked and for a minute you’re like, this is where I live now.

Jen Glantz: It happened to me the other day. In like a dark little coffee shop bathroom, and I could not get the door open and I, I was freaking out. I was like, how does this end, it’s my, it’s my biggest fear. My whole body like shuts down and get hives. Like I’m listening to this and I’m like, on the wedding day, like the worst thing that could happen.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said, when I didn’t show up downstairs, my wedding coordinator came to find me and discovered that the door was stuck. I was laughing the whole time. At least Alicia can laugh about it. I give the credit. I know. I’m like sweating, thinking about it. I know. She ended up grabbing the maintenance man and my photographer and they had to take the hinges off the door to get me out.

Jen Glantz: God.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. This is like a total side story, but I’m thinking about how there was this one time. So we have a balcony where we live and one time my husband and I were out, like reading one morning, this was before we had kids, our daughter, and I’m like reading and he’s like, I’m gonna go in and shower.

And I’m like, not paying attention, so I’m just reading blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he, um, wasn’t thinking. And I like finally go to go inside. The door is locked and he like was just, just doing his normal thing. So he just like shut it. And I’m like out there and I’m like, and it was like a hot day and like this is me just like being dramatic.

And I didn’t have my phone out. I didn’t bring my phone out, I didn’t bring my watch out. And I’m like. Oh my gosh. Okay. I’ll just try to read, I’m like sitting there panicking and I’m like, what if like, he like takes a long shower and like sometimes he just like, like, um, breathing exercises. And I was like, what if he takes so long to get outta here?

And then he like finally comes out and I’m at the door and I’m like, he’s like, oh my gosh, did I lock you in?

Jen Glantz: Nope. Like, what if he left to go out or something? Like what would you have done? What would you have done? I dunno.

Christa Innis: I don’t know. I mean, luckily we’re not too high off, but I probably would just flag someone if I saw ’em on the street. Like, hey!

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, but like that is like terrifying. That is. But even being stuck out there for five minutes, like your life kind of flashes before you, you’re like, is there an end to this? It’s scary.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Especially when you on the clock, like you lose like track of time. You’re like, how long was I out here for?

I don’t even know what it was. I, no, it probably 30 seconds, but it feels like 20 minutes, like two minutes. Um. Why my mom always called me dramatic growing up. Um, okay. The ceremony went great. Okay, so I guess so she got out, ceremony went great. Cocktail hour, also a win. Then dinner service started. Remember, we’re still in a museum.

They brought out a fresh tray of corn on the cob and the steam from it set off the smoke detectors. Because we weren’t an official museum event, we had to evacuate until the fire department arrived. Damn.

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. Okay. I honestly thought the fire department was gonna have to come to knock down the door.

So I’m like, okay. There’s, I’m glad the fire department’s coming now. Like that is awful. Imagine standing outside in your wedding dress with all of your guests just like standing this room.

Christa Innis: This is like literally like a movie, like seeing like all these things. I’m just glad she’s like being able to like look back and like laugh on it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: She said 30 minutes outside, no fire trucks. It’s like weddings, like 30 minutes is a lot of time. There’s a lot that can happen. Yes. Turns out the security officer told dispatch not to send them since there wasn’t an actual fire, but the museum’s insurance required them to come, so we were stuck outside for over an hour. Oh no!

Jen Glantz: Oh my God. That is crazy. Like also like are, were they allowed to bring drinks with them? Food with them? I doubt it. Like I’m sure. Yeah. And like, God, the temperature was, and people standing around like it, I think it also kills the vibe ’cause everyone was probably like up, up, up. And then they’re like back down to reality. So recovering from that must be really tough.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Seriously? Yeah. Then you’re, yeah, you’re like, you’re like outta your party mode. You’re like, okay, what? When are they gonna get here?

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, but don’t worry, our bartender pulled their truck around and kept serving drinks. There you go. In the parking lot, the DJ grabbed a speaker and his phone and the people were dancing in the parking lot. I love that. That is so awesome.

Jen Glantz: She did it right. That’s how you, but that’s also how you know that like. This couple is good and chill because they were able to look at a situation like this and not panic and they were able to figure out a way to get through it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and this is one of the things I talk about too, like in different like videos and stuff is like I get sometimes brides being like, oh my gosh, your video stressed me out. Like I don’t want wedding to be like that. And I’m like, no, I’m telling you, most of the time there’s no drama or people don’t know about it. Like it would be something so small and you just talk about it later. But if you go in with like. In your mind, like, okay, something will go wrong today. It’s bound to happen. There’s gonna be something, right? But if you tell yourself that, then you’re just gonna be like, oh, okay, okay. The dress needs to be steamed and we’re gonna be a little late. Or, oh, so and so’s Uber didn’t show up. You know, like there’s always gonna be something. But like if you’re just like, what can you do? Make the best out of a situation and go roll with the punches, right.

Jen Glantz: So true. I think. Yeah, exactly. Like you said, people have to go into it knowing that at least three things will go wrong. It just things happen in threes. Three things most people won’t know. You might not even know, and that’s good too, but there’s no such thing as a perfect day. I mean, these things happen. It’s life.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And too, like we were talking about, is like I dramatized a lot of the skits while some Yes, I’m sure happened just like that at weddings. Um, like for example, there was like two, like two pretty small things. I wouldn’t say small. Drama ish moments that happened at our wedding, but we didn’t know, like us as the bride and groom, no one told us it happened until like weeks after.

They were like, oh, by the way, so and so said this to so-and-so. And then we were like, wait, what? And so they kept us out of it. So if you’re listening to your guests at a wedding, always keep the bride and groom out of it. Don’t tell them about little dumb things that happen. ’cause at the end of the day, like it doesn’t matter and don’t let it affect their day.

Jen Glantz: No. And if you’re in the bridal party, don’t tell the bride anything until like exactly like a week later. But yeah, I see sometimes made of actors or bridesmaids will like run up to tell the bride. I’m like, oh no, no. Like keep them out of this. They don’t need to know. It makes them just feel a lot better not knowing the truth.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Um. She said go, but wait, there’s more. When we finally got back inside, someone had thrown out our dinner plates. Why? Why is someone trying to ruin this wedding? Crazy. Yeah. Um, and people had already started raid the dessert table. We didn’t have a cake, just two chocolate fountains, one with white chocolate for me and one with milk chocolate for my husband.

Interracial couple goals. Um, so she says the caterer had to rearrange everything to make the couple table look full again, so we could have our, our cake moment when we dipped and fed each other. As the party kept going, we noticed a woman dancing like she was having in the time of her life. Neither of us recognized her, so we assumed she was someone’s plus one.

We were wrong. It was the estranged wife of one of my husband’s friends. She found the invitation and decided to crash the way.

Jen Glantz: God. Okay. This is like a wedding where it’s like bad things happen in threes, but this is like, we’re at like six, like this is crazy, crazy. At that point, I’d just be like, okay, invite the fire truck crew, like whatever.

At this point, you know, all can come in who sees an invitation and is like, yeah, I’m gonna go, but I’m not invited. Like, that’s ballsy.

Christa Innis: That is really ballsy. Yeah. Just be like, you know what? I’m gonna stir up some drama. I mean. I, it’s, there’s no drama about her. I guess she just showed up, so,

Jen Glantz: Yeah. Yeah. And when you look at the perspective of this whole day, that’s like the least dramatic thing. So it’s like, okay, great. Like we have a wedding crasher, but also I was locked in a closet. The fire department was here. There’s no food. The desserts ruined. Like perspective wise, we’re like, let her stay, like let her have her best time here. She’s welcome.

Christa Innis: Yes, yes. Um, she said it’s been five years and people still talk about how ours was one of the best weddings they ever attended, despite all the chaos, and honestly, I have to agree, we laugh about it every time we tell the story.

It makes a really good story to like just tell people. I love that. Like every little thing that happened, they were able to just like laugh about it and be like, we’re a fun couple. We don’t care. This is not gonna bring us down. I love it.

Jen Glantz: I mean, honestly. A lot of weddings are the same, and you leave them and you’re like, well, that was it. Like that was like the last one. And like you hear a story like this and imagine like going home and telling people this story, like it makes it fun. I don’t know, it’s not like I don’t wish bad things on anybody, but like I do think when hiccups like this happen, they do make for good stories and memories for people.

And the last thing you want, I think, when you’re planning a wedding is for people to leave and be like, it was generic. Like it was just, you know, okay. Like you kind of want them to have like a moment to talk about, obviously not. So dramatic like this, but yeah, I feel like, but something people are, yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean I feel like the dancing in the parking lot where the de like that is so fun and the fact that like they just thought quickly. It’s also a sign that she hired some great vendors because I feel like I know vendors that would not be as like, no. You’ve heard, I’m sure you’ve seen or heard stories too, or you just, there’s some vendors that are just very like, this is it. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen Glantz: Yeah, no, I, it shows that she had like good vendors, good people at her wedding, good partner. She had a lot of good, and I think if you have a lot of good going for you, it’ll outweigh anything that happens at your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, totally. Um, yeah, that’s like another note for people that are listening. ’cause like I’ve heard even weddings about like. It down pouring, but it still just ends up being this beautiful day and they just like dance in the rain or they like have beautiful photos and everyone’s just like sopping wet and they’re just like, but it was amazing. Like if you’ve got good vibes and you’ve got that good energy, it’s gonna be amazing no matter what.

Jen Glantz: I agree. I agree.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well that was a crazy story. I’m like picturing it as like a movie. All these like little like things that happen like. Insane. Wild.

Jen Glantz: I give her a lot of credit. I think she made the best of it and I think it’s a true testament to other people. Like, go with the flow, it’s gonna be okay. And yeah, there’s things that are gonna happen that you just can’t plan for.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Okay. I like to end these with, um, weekly confessions. So people send me confessions on Instagram, so I’ve got a couple here that we’ll just react to, um, at the very end here. Okay. Um, wedding planning landed. My mom and I in therapy six years to this day, don’t, and we don’t talk about it.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: that’s rough. Like we were just talking about, weddings can bring out the worst in people, but can also just bring out all these like unresolved emotions. ’cause I feel like it’s all this one day different personalities coming together, finances, starting new lives. It’s, it’s a lot.

Jen Glantz: It’s not the wedding. This was gonna happen either way. Just the wedding. Propelled it forward, unfortunately, yes.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, my middle sister and I missed our eldest sister’s wedding ceremony because of a traffic jam. Ooh, that is some traffic jam.

Jen Glantz: I know. I’ve seen that happen. I’ve seen it happen. And then the couples like, well, do we push the ceremony back and wait for people? But like, there’s a timeline. Uh, it happens like we did not go to my, my husband’s brother’s wedding. There we’re all very close with him. We did not go because my 2-year-old had 105 fever. Yeah. And we couldn’t go, like we just physically, my, my husband ended up going, but we couldn’t go. And it was like so hard to explain people without kids. It was so hard to like explain the situation. But in my head I’m like, I know this is the biggest day of their life, but like there will be other days, I’m like, this is like a circumstance we can’t control. And I think you have to kind of let that go and people miss it or they can’t go. ’cause of like these crazy circumstances, forgive, because they try Like you try your hardest.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you gotta try. Yeah. And you can’t, you can’t hold on to like a, like a grudge. Hopefully. I mean, she doesn’t say too much other than that, but it’s like hopefully the sister doesn’t hold on Grudge and. If it was just a ceremony, maybe there’s a reception after and they all, you know, dance the night away.

Jen Glantz: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, our flora, this last one says our florist was shut down by the IRS the week of our wedding. No notice and no help.

Jen Glantz: Hmm. That’s tough because like you already spent the money. It’s hard to find. Some in the week of flowers are like a decent part of the wedding. That is. That is like really tough. That happens though. Like your vendors are businesses, they’re people like things. Things happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: But there will be someone who can come pick up the pieces. Like you can always try to find a solution, even if it’s on a wedding vendor, like try to look outside the box or event people or just like people who are like learning, like amateur people who can kind of step into the role and make it better for you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It sucks when there’s like something like that that happens. I had people that happened to a friend of ours with a vendor, like they went bankrupt and like closed like a month before their wedding was supposed to happen, and it was like. Scramble. Like, let’s see what we can do.

Jen Glantz: It’s awful. My heart goes out because that’s like the last thing you wanna deal with the week before your wedding. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Totally. All right, well thank you so much for coming on. Before we sign off, do you have any like crazy, like what’s a hot take you have about weddings? I know you have, you have something that you’ve shared before.

Not to put you on the spot, if you have one. Um, what’s like a hot take that you.

Jen Glantz: You don’t need bridesmaids. I think in five to 10 years, bridesmaids will be extinct. Have your friends be there for you in the ways that they can and the ways that you want. But they don’t need the official title. They don’t need to walk down the aisle.

They don’t need the bridesmaid dresses. They don’t need any of that.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Jen Glantz: All right. I love that.

Christa Innis: Well, where can everyone thank you so much for coming on. Of course. Like it was so much fun hanging out with you and meeting you officially. I feel like we like already know each other. It’s so weird how sometimes like internet.

No. ’cause you like see people and you like watch their content, but where can people follow you of course and keep up and what’s like the next kind of thing you’re working on?

Jen Glantz: People can find me @bridesmaidforhire.com. I’m on TikTok at Instagram at Bridesmaid for Hire. I have a newsletter called 1-800-BRIDESMAID and my book is called Finally the Bride.

You can find it on Amazon. It’s a lot of crazy stories you haven’t heard before, and thank you for the support and thank you for having me on the show.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Yeah, definitely. I wanna check out your book as well because I. I feel like you have so many crazy stories and I feel like I would, I’ve seen so many of your, I think I’m on your, your email list too, where I’ve seen like some of the stories that people send in and, um, your advice for bridesmaids. So any brides should definitely go check it out. Well, thank you so much.

Jen Glantz: Thank you. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Relationship Red Flags, Family Dynamics, and a Shocking ICU Revelation with Kate Gray, LMFT

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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“You’re just the mother of his child.”

That one sentence cut deeper than any legal document could fix. When a tragic motorcycle accident left her partner in a coma, our storyteller learned the hard way what “not being married” really meant. What followed? A secret wedding, a livid mother-in-law, and a decades-long family rift and guest Kate Gray dissect this jaw-dropping submission with raw empathy, real questions, and a heavy dose of “WHAT just happened?” They unpack what happens when legal ties or the lack of them collide with family loyalty and personal boundaries.

Also in this episode: ruined wedding invites, Karen-level MIL energy, and the emotional weight of doing what’s best for your own future even if it means letting go of your past. If you’ve ever doubted whether the legal stuff really matters, this story will have you rethinking everything.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:11 Discussing Complicated Family Dynamics

01:51 Guest’s Professional Background

02:32 Marriage and Family Therapy Insights

08:00 Wedding Planning Stress and Family Dynamics

17:11 Rapid Fire: Red Flags or Normal Stress?

36:45 Navigating Family Boundaries

37:36 Story Submission: A Life-Changing Accident

40:42 The Aftermath and Family Dynamics

49:59 Reflections on Marriage and Family

54:58 Confessions and Regrets

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Life-Changing Crash – A traumatic brain injury left her partner in a coma… and her completely powerless.
Locked Out of the ICU – Despite living together and raising a child, she was denied access to his medical care by his own mother.
Secret Wedding Surprise – They threw a barbecue that turned into a surprise wedding… and the MIL didn’t know until the cake rolled out.
Family Fallout – What followed was over a decade of strained family dynamics, emotional boundaries, and financial detangling.
Power of Legal Ties – Kate and Christa explore how love, legality, and next-of-kin status affect real lives in unexpected emergencies.
Enmeshment & Control – What happens when parents can’t emotionally separate from their adult children?
Boundaries vs Protection – Should you tell your partner everything—even when it might hurt them?
MIL Chaos Strikes Again – Christa shares the viral story of a MIL destroying wedding invites out of spite.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“The wedding is kind of the test… the precursor to the marriage.” – Christa Innis
“You’re starting your own family—and you have to get in the habit of making decisions for that family.” – Christa Innis
“This is your moment. You can be a little selfish.” – Christa Innis
“You never think about what happens in a tragedy… until you’re in one.” – Christa Innis
“Do what you want. Everyone else will get over it.” – Christa Innis
“Marriage means someone else is making huge decisions about your health—this stuff matters.” – Kate Gray
“You can have boundaries as adults. You don’t have to be terrorized in your own home.” – Kate Gray
“It’s wild how many of these stories come down to family systems and emotional enmeshment.” – Kate Gray
“People are shocked to find out these things have names—and that they’re not alone.” – Kate Gray
“When it comes to relationships, there isn’t always one truth—but there is one choice: yours.” – Kate Gray

About Kate:

Kate Gray, better known online as Codependency Kate, is a couples therapist, married mom, and refreshingly real voice on all things relationships. With a deep understanding of family systems, emotional boundaries, and the unspoken chaos behind “normal” wedding and marriage dynamics, Kate offers the kind of education you wish someone had given you sooner. Her mission? To help you stop blaming yourself and start understanding the why behind your relationship struggles. Kate doesn’t just talk theory, she gets into the messy, emotional, behind-the-scenes stuff that can make or break partnerships, especially when family dynamics, trauma, or toxic in-laws get involved. Her content bridges the gap between formal therapy and real-life application, empowering listeners with language, tools, and clarity to protect what matters most.

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Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Kate. Thank you for being here. Hi, nice to see you. I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Yes, I’m so excited. Like I was saying before we started recording, you came up on my feed strolling and you were talking about difficult relationships with mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. And you talk about so many complicated relationships in marriage and family.

And so that’s why I thought you are perfect to come on because we see a lot of these issues, I should say, I dunno if that’s the right term, but come up in these stories that we read. And so I thought from a professional standpoint and we can kind of, you know, chat about other stuff as well. But um, before I get too into my fangirling and being really excited about your work, can you just tell us a little bit more about yourself and what you do?

Kate Gray: Yes, so I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I also make content under the handle codependency, Kate. Um, I’m so passionate about education. Like you said, there’s, these are huge issues and people don’t really talk about them except venting to their friends. You know, people don’t really understand the background behind things.

Family Drama Starts with “I Do”

And when I was in school to be a therapist, I was learning all this stuff. I was like, oh my gosh, everyone needs to know this. Why am I. Learning this now, this is so important. And so that’s when I started posting on social media, was in grad school to purely educate. And it’s just kind of turned into a thing, especially around, um, estrangement specifically, um, just because there’s so many, there’s so much stuff happening between marriages and in-laws.

It’s so complicated and complex and no one knows what to do. And so I just try to zoom out and educate people on family systems theory and dynamics so that they can be more informed, take this information to their friends and family, to their own relationships. Obviously parallel to a, um, you know, going to a therapist themselves.

But, uh, yeah, so that’s what I just try to do with the platform that I have.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I think that’s so good because like I was saying, in so many of these stories, it’s like. Something might happen completely outta left field. Like the husband could have a great relationship with his mom, great relationship with his fiance, and the second, you know, they get engaged or get married, there’s a flip.

Yes. Um, and so I think a lot of times people don’t know to prepare for that or like how to prepare for that. So is this something that you see a lot in your work where there it’s just kind of like, um, or you’ve studied a lot in your work where it’s like there’s a, there’s a switch because it’s a dyna, like a power shift and it’s like, oh, he has a new family.

Like where does that come from? Sometimes,

Kate Gray: yeah, it’s tough. It’s, you know, every situation is different, but it’s also not, you know, there’s definitely themes at play. Um, you know. What I have seen in my work with clients. So, ’cause it’s different, my work with clients and then a lot of stories I hear online, you know, there’s very different audiences here, but I’ve definitely seen this a lot.

I think what happens is, yes, there is a different, a totally different dynamic at play. I think what happens is an outsider coming in, it kind of reveals existing dysfunction or existing, um, power imbalances. Just very complex, complex, nuanced things that have existed for a long time. It’s all people in this dynamic know, like say the, a new husband and his mom, they’ve been in this dynamic, you know, his whole life.

He, it’s all he’s known, but then his wife comes into the picture and it kind of challenges that relationship and it shouldn’t, in healthy families, it doesn’t. It’s a, you know, a new daughter-in-law, for example, is a welcome addition. There’s the things are already set up to be successful, but in it’s, again, in these dysfunctional dynamics when things go awry, when a new person’s introduced.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I find, and not to like, I don’t know, if not oversimplify as a thing, but not, or not to group some, I should say. Right. I find a lot of times in the stories, I feel like the husband or the partner, the male partner I should say, in heterosexual relationships. Yeah. Seems to be very, um, I don’t wanna say docile, but he seems to be like passive.

Yeah. Like more passive. Like, we don’t hear a lot of him in the story. It’s more of like, he’s go with the flow. And so like, I think it’s. He grows up, he’s good with the flow, he pleases, you know, he is good to his parents. And then if there’s someone in comes in and she’s maybe a little more strong headed or she’s not afraid to like stand up for herself, I find that’s when there’s usually like a.

Some that’s, there’s buffer contention. Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Gray: Uhhuh, are you saying, um, between her and his family or, yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Or like, yeah, if like, the mom’s kinda used to, you know, the son being very like, go with the flow and, um, I just find a kind common theme, like when I have people on here and we react to these stories, they’re like, where’s the partner?

Where’s the fiance? You know, you hear like, this bride rides in and she’s like, this happened, or like, the mother-in-law cornered me or she yelled at me and they’re like, where’s the fiance?

Kate Gray: And it’s kind of no position. And that is the question that is the question I asked too. Because he’s not necessarily in the middle, but he is the link between her and his family.

She, you know, I did a video where I drew this kind of in a, not a di, like a, it’s called a genogram, where you just kind of draw it and she, there’s the parents up top, the son below them, and then she’s to the side of him. You know, like she’s not another child of his parents and they’re not totally separate and she, you know, so roles are very important.

The concept of roles. And that is the question is what is the fiance doing here? What is this dynamic? There’s a lot of reasons, you know, if you go a little deeper, there’s a lot of reasons why he’s that way, and that’s kind of the dynamic shift that has to happen. He has to step into a, a different role and that I, I guess, you know, a lot of men I think don’t talk about that.

General. Mm-hmm. So they just kind of are overwhelmed by these, these women, these strong-willed women. And, um, women can get a really bad rap when the real core issue is a more passive fiance in that role.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely makes sense. So one of the biggest things we were talking about in wedding stories is like the overbearing mother-in-law, or, you know, and, and it’s funny ’cause a number of times I’ll say like, it’s a mother-in-law, people immediately are like, well the bride’s mom is, you know, can be this way too.

And I’m like, well, mother-in-law could be either the groom or the bride’s mom. It’s just Oh yeah. Whoever’s perspective uhhuh. But so many times people hear mother-in-law and they just assume, oh, it’s the groom’s mom. Um, but I always like to like reiterate that. Yeah. So why do you think things like a planning a wedding, I’m sure it’s like high stress levels, but

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Bring out this controlling or kind of boundary pushing behavior on, on the mother’s part or parents’ part.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well I think what I have seen recently is there is there are very big generational differences in the concepts of weddings. Um, I think in the past, mothers in-law and, you know, grandmothers have planned the whole thing or, or they’ve waited their whole lives to do this for their child.

And the daughter, for example, hasn’t been very involved. Everything’s just been picked for her and it’s just done for her. Mm-hmm. Whereas now I think brides wanna be the bride. They wanna make those decisions and for her parents to, um, not just be more in the passenger seat or the backseat and her not be in the passenger seat or backseat.

So I think that’s one part of it. Um. And I think another part of it is that people have this idea of wedding planning being an amazing thing, and it’s so much fun and it brings everyone together. It brings out the best in everyone, and that it’s just not, it’s just not the case. It’s not the case. It’s kind of one of the first big family events that happens after, you know, high school graduation, college, you know, graduation or big family events.

So it can just bring out everybody’s stress responses. And people I don’t think are prepared for that. There’s a lot of management. There’s also. It’s a new stage for the fiances to come together on. That should be the point is to, this is kind of their first endeavor together where they’re managing all these things because the, the development stage that they are in as a couple from the family life cycle point of view is leaving and cleaving from their families of origin to come together.

So it’s this like detachment phase and I think that’s just really scary and unknown. There’s, there’s loss in it for parents. Mm-hmm. And so it’s just a whole thing that people don’t, aren’t

Christa Innis: prepared

Kate Gray: for.

Christa Innis: Right. And it’s so complicated. I’m sure you see it in your work all the time. ’cause it’s like definitely there’s nothing that’s black and white because Right.

I have heard stories where. Like the mother-in-law has cried over an engagement, but yes, maybe the partner really, really was terrible to their son or daughter. And so it’s just that that’s their reaction. So I wanna make people know too, like, it’s not, it’s not always the parent that they, they can see things too.

Like, okay, yeah, this person’s terrible to my son or daughter. And they’re scared.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And they’re

Christa Innis: scared. Yeah, absolutely. So, um, it’s definitely nuance. There’s so many different, um mm-hmm. Different aspects of that, but for couples that are maybe going through a difficult relationship with, you know, in-laws as they kind of move forward in the next stage, what, how did you recommend they set clear boundaries?

Um, you know, whether it’s before the wedding or kind of moving into their new life together so that there’s not like a total like blow up.

Kate Gray: It’s really tough, I think. The stuff is so hard for people to do on their own. They, I would really, I mean, I think therapists could have a whole like sector and there might even be one of like engagement counseling or like wedding planning counseling because it’s so stressful.

There’s so much to manage and it’s really easy for people’s stress responses and kind of lack of emotion regulation and, and all that stuff to come out. Mm-hmm. And there’s so much pressure and expectations and personalities to manage that. I think first of all, meeting, like having a therapist, having a third party that is separate from the family.

Like not necessarily a wedding planner ’cause they’re not qualified to be doing this stuff. But like, um, just I think being on the same page is the most important thing in this process, I think. ’cause from my experience too, people that have been married 10 years have trauma from their engagement and from their weddings with their in-laws, with their families.

Just with one partner. Not stepping up. Not stepping in, or one person doing too much. There’s, you know, it can be, it can magnify existing dynamic issues. And so getting married and, and having a wedding is not just about the wedding, it’s about starting a healthy dynamic. And, and kind of fixing things.

Maybe that, or just getting ahead of things that you don’t foresee, or just having someone guide you, I think is, takes a lot of pressure off figuring all of that out yourself, so, right.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I think a lot of couples see it as like, oh, it’s this big party, it’s gonna be easy. They don’t think about finances like putting together this big party where it’s like, yes, it’s not unlimited money, first of all.

Yeah. It’s like your first time maybe like putting money together for something big or uhhuh having people that are very opinionated from different sides coming together and, and that can be a stressor and mm-hmm. Yeah. Hearing a lot of these stories, I’m like, I feel so grateful that our families just got along well and like, I get along with my mother-in-law.

Great. And so it’s just, it’s, it’s difficult when, um. These relationships kind of come together and it’s like, okay, how do we make, you can’t make everybody happy, but how do we do the best at keeping, keeping as much peace as we can.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, yeah. And from, and from your, your perspective too, it’s like how much is keeping the peace too much like right.

Like when is it like, when are you bending over backwards

Kate Gray: too much? Exactly. Like when is it no longer about you? Mm-hmm. And I think that is what can be really sad in these situations is like. You know, if a bride, for example, is used to keeping the peace, but then for her wedding, she actually has all these ideas that she’s wanted and she’s used to caving.

And unfortunately, this is the one situation where like she’s shaking things up and it causes problems. You know, all her worst fears can come true in these situations. Um, so I am of the advocate of a wedding planner, a therapist, a you know, your bridesmaids, your groomsmen, everyone like supporting you, um, enlisting all the emotional support you can.

’cause it is just a, it’s really tough. It can, I won’t say like make or break something, but I think it’s just important to start off, you know, on a good foot with your in-laws and with your own family. ’cause it, you know. It can just set the tone for things. Yeah. Or it can be something to come back from.

And that’s just, that just sucks. That sucks. Oh, for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If you have a bad wedding experience, it can carry with you forever. Mm-hmm. I mean, some of these stories that, that were sent to me happened 20, 30, some 40, 50 years ago.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: On things. They’ll send me messages and be like, this happened. It was like, I don’t know, whatever.

It was like a cake was changed last minute and it was something that they couldn’t eat or, you know, whatever it was. Or flowers were changed or she was told she looked fat in her dress. You know, like there’s been so many crazy things that were sent to me and they’re like, I still remember it and I remember how I felt and, um.

Someone like, you know, if someone put them down. And so I feel like if you start on the, having that middle ground, like what you’re talking about, um, and it’s funny that you bring up wedding planner ’cause I had a wedding planner on once and she’s like, I feel like half the time I’m a therapist.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Literally. She, she should go to school. No, actually that is, she’s a buffer. I mean, they are a buffer between, you know, and I, I think they’re really valuable ’cause they have to advocate, you know, their, their job is what the bride and groom want. And so I think they can be really healthy. A really healthy addition to the planning crew.

Um, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh.

Red Flag or Just Wedding Stress?

Christa Innis: Okay. So I thought we would kind of switch things up a little bit. Yeah. Put together some rapid fire if you’re okay with this. Yeah. And it’s either a red, the options are red flag or normal stress. And if you wanna add a little bit to it, feel free. Okay. Um. Because I know, I don’t, I don’t wanna like put you in a corner or make you say something that you don’t wanna say either.

So, um, they’re just different like scenarios. And then just say if it’s a red flag or normal stress around what, okay. Okay. Okay. One partner says, let’s just do what my mom wants. It’s easier that way. Red flag. Red flag. Uh, the couple hasn’t had a single conversation about how they’ll split finances after the wedding.

Kate Gray: Ooh. Major red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s tough. Yeah. I feel like that comes up a lot with stories too, where it’s like, this is the first big event and then sometimes they just, like, they expect their parents to pay for everything and then they go to the next stage and it’s like, but then I didn’t realize like.

This happened, or we can’t afford this, or they’ve never discussed it before.

Kate Gray: No, it’s tough because you’re, you’re expected, you’re, you have these huge decisions that like only 10 year married couples are like, have the foundation to make, and you’re making them immediately upon this huge commitment. So yeah.

That’s just tough. And so those conversations in general are so important. Yeah. Yes.

Christa Innis: Uh, okay. The bride’s mom says this wedding is as much mine as it is yours.

Kate Gray: Oh. I mean, I think that’s normal. I think that’s like, that comes up so much probably. Um, but yeah. Or for the bride, that’s, that’s sad. That’s a

Christa Innis: red flag.

Yeah. Um, one partner wants kids some someday the other doesn’t, but they say they’ll figure it out later.

Kate Gray: That’s a major red flag. That’s not, yeah.

Christa Innis: I see that happen so many times. Really, I’ve seen it. I, not a ton in stories, but I’ve just seen it like, um, stories like people posted like that, like either eventually one like changes their mind and then they, one wants kids when they both didn’t want kids before.

And I’m sure that just like sometimes happens, but I feel like that’s, like, that was like one of the biggest things my husband and I talked about before, getting married to make sure, yeah, of course,

Kate Gray: age. Well that’s a compatibility issue. Like that’s a fixed thing that, um, isn’t, you know, that’s not a dynamic issue, that’s a fixed thing and it can be just a symptom of something deeper.

But how, you know, the question is like, how do you resolve things that y’all are fixed on that are opposite? You know, like even religion, faith can be part of that too. Like that you’re fixed on these things.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Kate Gray: you just think you’re gonna deal with it or it’s gonna get better. And that’s just, that’s, that’s definitely something to handle on the front end.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Um, the groom refuses to go to premarital counseling, counseling and says it’s a waste of time.

Kate Gray: Um, that’s tough. I mean, I, me, I’m like, red flag, red flag, red flag. But I, I think that’s probably very normal. I don’t know. Yeah. I think not going, not being open to counseling is a very much a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I mean, I feel like if they’re having, and you might know this better from your, your profession than Yeah. Me just, no, it’s okay. But if they’re having the kind of issues where counseling would come up before and then they, he brings it, she brings it up and he’s like, no, to jump in knowing they might need some kind of.

Kate Gray: Yeah,

Christa Innis: exactly.

Kate Gray: I mean, it’s like if y’all can talk about anything and you resolve problems, then like saying no to counseling is like, okay. I mean, ’cause we don’t need it to solve problems, but if it’s just like, no, because I don’t wanna talk about anything and I don’t want outside guidance, that’s, that’s the red flag of it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The couple always avoids hard conversations by joking or changing the subject.

Kate Gray: Um, see, these are tough because that seems so, I’ve just, that’s so normal. I think for early on in relationships, people don’t really know how to deal with stuff. So I think that’s normal. I think that that is definitely gonna come out in their marriage, that’s gonna be magnified by it.

But um, yeah, that’s not an, an unfixable issue that I would say that’s very normal, but it’s definitely not good. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like you can. Only joke so long before, like, something’s gonna be hard, like curious. And you have, well,

Kate Gray: there, there’s something called, um, I mean, just to be all nerdy real quick, there’s something called pseudo hostility, like fake hostility.

It’s like, that’s what you’re talking about, like the joking.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And it is an indicator of like suppressed emotion and an inability to really resolve conflict and be vulnerable. Okay. So it’s like a really unhealthy dynamic and or like, um, behavior in general and it’s found in families. That’s where the term came from.

But, so it can be, it’s joking about real problems as an indicator of that, but again, it’s, it’s something that’s very fixable with a therapist or with just, you know, this podcast.

Christa Innis: So yeah, just chatting about it. Yeah, because I feel like I’ve known people before that are just very, like, that’s like their personality is like the comic relief.

So it’s like even when things are like serious, they like wanna throw a little like. Comic in there.

Kate Gray: Yeah. And that’s how comedians are born. Yeah. I

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a lot of, like, when you hear like deeper stories about comedians, it’s like a lot of times they just have to laugh to get through things,

Kate Gray: literally.

Yeah. And that’s, I mean, it’s not an unhealthy thing when you can do that. But if you only can do that and you can’t be vulnerable and you can’t talk about your feelings and you can’t receive criticism, for example, then that’s when it becomes an issue. And that’s when that term applies. It’s not just about joking and being funny, um, or even lightening the mood sometimes.

But if you can only do that when it’s tense, you know, you think about. People that like bust out laughing at like funerals and stuff. Like, it’s like there’s response. Yeah. It’s like, um, is that how, you know? It’s just those things just invite curiosity. It’s not to like pathologize people or to say, you know, if you do this, there’s something wrong with you.

It’s just an indicator of like, something to be curious about if you’re having issues in relationships or, or if, if this is a, a pattern for you.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I’m, I’m learning so much. Oh, okay. Um, a partner deletes texts from a parent they know that the other wouldn’t approve of, oh

Kate Gray: man, this is, these are so hard.

’cause they seem very normal. ’cause it sounds the person would be trying to protect their partner. I think people do this with good intention, but at the same time, I think that’s not a good habit to get into. In a marriage. So that’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. ’cause for someone like that, like if someone’s deleting texts, that means in some way they’re, and you can’t control the other, what the parent does, but in some way they’re allowing them to talk negatively about their partner.

Right. Right. Or they’re not setting us clear boundary of like, Hey, if you talked that way, we’re, we’re done. Yeah. Or we’re gonna limit.

Kate Gray: Yeah. No, a hundred percent. That’s right. But I also, on the other side of the spectrum, I have, in my experience with people, there’s been way too much transparency and this, their partner is like scarred for life by what the parents said.

Yeah. So there is like. Transparency isn’t necessarily, you know, there it, there’s nuance here. It just depends on what they’re saying, you know, like mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, I think the general, like the habit of deleting texts is sketchy and is definitely a red flag. Mm-hmm. In a relationship in general.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

That’s interesting. Yeah. You say that because Yeah, I know. I’m thinking about that now because, um, there was a story that a girl sent me, and this was not about a mean text necessarily, and actually podcast and she talked about it, but Oh, mother-in-law, um, yeah, she was anonymous. She turned the camera off.

Uh, so we reacted to her story and then she was like, maybe we’ll have a part two because I’m going dress shopping with her. And so I had her come on and kind of share what happened, but basically she was demanding to know the location of their wedding venue, and this was like. Far from where they lived.

They haven’t actually seen it personally yet. She’s like, well, I just wanna drive by and go see it. And they’re like, it’s a private property, you can’t. And she’s like, we sent you the location so you can kinda see pictures. And she goes, well, I delete texts. And she like went to this whole thing about how like, I delete texts, just tell me the address so I can show up and go.

And she kept pushing, pushing. It was like a long, crazy story, but she ended up like cornering her in the kitchen and was like, yeah, it was like this crazy thing. It’s still ongoing, like they haven’t gotten married yet, but, um,

Kate Gray: oh my goodness.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so the delete texted made me think of that conversation because um, she just said like.

She would, the mother would delete texts in her phones and then claim not to have it anymore. Claim to not know that because the text was gone.

Kate Gray: That’s weird. Never heard of anything like that.

Christa Innis: I know. I was like, does she, does she work for the

Kate Gray: FBI? Why? Yeah. Seriously. Is she a CIA agent?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So that was, wow.

Kate Gray: Interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But that was one where, on her episode where she came on, she talked about they, she went through a lot of therapy herself. So like they did a good job of like keeping up with boundaries. Yeah. And it was where her husband just had a hard time of like standing up to his mom because I bet.

And so used to like running the household and now this new strong female voice comes in and she’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’ve never been told no before, so, yeah.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Right. Which is, that’s a red flag. I’ll say that. Like, moms not being used to their adult children telling them no about things. That’s a red flag for Yeah.

Like when you’re, if you’re a fiance, you’re looking at your partner and their parent, and that’s the dynamic you see. It’s like that’s, those are, those are scary waters to enter into. Like you, that’s a scary situation. And I think their partners feel that, you know, they like get that sense. And I think that that brings out their own stress responses too.

Mm-hmm. Um, because there’s a powerlessness that children feel even when they’re adults with parents. Parents. And so that can just make them really scared and they, however they normally respond when they’re scared. So maybe they over control or they. You know, overcompensate in some ways. So it can just be tough.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. Okay. Um, this one says, the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding and won’t explain why

Kate Gray: the bride says she doesn’t want the groom sister in the wedding. Oh. And she won’t explain why. Yeah. That’s part of it. That’s the part of it. That’s the red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. They won’t explain why.

’cause I feel like you don’t need to have your sibling or your partner’s siblings in the wedding. I feel like that’s a totally, there should be no pressure to have anybody in the wedding, but

Kate Gray: yeah.

Christa Innis: Why won’t you explain why?

Kate Gray: Yeah, why don’t you explain why, or like, why can’t they just be, I love the idea if that’s the case.

Like if, say you’re the bride and you don’t want your groom’s sister being a bridesmaid, but can she be a groomsman? I don’t know. Do you have this, the ultimate set? You know, can’t, is there some gray area here? Right. Like if

Christa Innis: he, I know. That’s what I think is interesting too, is like, I, I mean, I had my.

Husband’s sister and sister-in-law on his side. Um, sister-in-law on his side. I dunno if I said that right. But I mean, it’s our sister-in-law, but in the wedding, ’cause I’m like close with them. Yeah. But like, we have my brother ’cause like they’re not super close or anything. Okay. But I’ve seen it always and that, that’s like a weird thing.

But like, I, I don’t know. It’s interesting.

Kate Gray: Well, I think this can be an issue. So say the groom’s sister is rude to the bride or like they don’t get along or, or whatever. And so the bride’s just like, yeah. I mean, you’re not gonna be in our wedding party. Mm-hmm. Um. But I think that could also be like an, is a situation where fiance, they can come together where it’s like, Hey, I’m uncomfortable with her in my, on my side of things, you know, going on my bachelorette or like, and standing up there, that feels inauthentic to me.

But if you, you know, she’s your sister, you kind of get the say in what you want her to be in our wedding and we can talk about it. And so do you want her to stand up with you in a black dress? You know, like is there something, if your parents are gonna be really upset and embarrassed by that, like is there something we can do to get everyone a win-win scenario?

Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because what’s weird to me too is that she would have to explain to the groom almost like in my. My thought is if the bride and sister didn’t get along, the groom would already know that or know that there was some kind of weird tension. So like, let’s figure it out together. But if like, let’s say she secretly like hated the sister and was like, yeah, jealous of something, you know, whatever.

Then like that’s already, that’s a red flag because it’s like you’re not openly communicating with your groom. Like, oh, the sister did this to me. That’s

Kate Gray: the issue is like the not openly communicating.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. This one’s, there’s two more. One person does all the wedding planning because the other partner says they don’t care.

Kate Gray: Is that the most normal thing I’ve ever heard about this? Probably. I mean, but it’s a red flag. Like. I don’t know, what do they not care about? Is that part of the dynamic? Do they not care in general? Are they like, I never care about what we eat, and so the other person’s always responsible for figuring out what they eat.

Like is this the dynamic or is this just like, oh, I don’t like, you know, oh I don’t know, some, like, I don’t wanna do girly stuff, or some stupid stuff like that. What’s the deal about it?

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like there’s a big difference between like, oh honey, you’re so good at this stuff, so I don’t care.

Like, do you like the pink or the green butter? You know, or it’s like, I don’t care.

Kate Gray: You know? Like the, yeah,

Christa Innis: how are they communicating it because exactly how

Kate Gray: are they communicating it? And you know, I think that that’s not. Yeah. I think again, it’s a, all these things seem like places, things to explore. Like is this just this situation or is this in general?

Or does this bother me? Does it bother me that they don’t care? Or am I happy they don’t care because I wanted to do it on my own anyway. You know, like Right. What I, how do you actually feel about it?

Christa Innis: Right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point. It’s so, these are so nuanced. Yeah. Because I’ve seen relationships before where the bride is like such a big planner and so she was like, I got this.

We’re good. Yeah. And he kind of just was there if she needed him, but that’s it. He was like, I don’t care. Pick, I will walk in for a wedding. You want, but then I’ve seen others where like the bride was stressed beyond belief and he went a finger and you’re like, that’s where I’m like, it’s your wedding too.

Right. Um, but I think a lot of times there’s those couples where they just assume like, oh, it’s the woman’s job to do all of it. Yes. Um. But

Kate Gray: I don’t know. And that’s again, like not a a bad, these things aren’t like inherently bad, but it’s like, how do you feel about them? Do you want them more involved? Is are there things you can do together?

Are there things that they really do care about or do they just not know? I think a lot of the time people don’t know what they don’t know. Yeah. And so you think you’re not gonna care about something, but you really end up caring about the food, or you really end up caring, like caring about the transportation from the venue to the reception.

You know, like, yeah. Is, is there an open mind there? For things to be, you know, to evolve as you learn more. Because I mean, when I planned my wedding, I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know what I, you know, how do you, how are you supposed to know when you’ve never done it before?

Christa Innis: Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So

Christa Innis: it’s a lot.

And I think people don’t realize, like, especially their first time going through everything and seeing like what they have to do, they’re just like, what?

Kate Gray: Yeah, there’s so many decisions.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so all the comparison with social media and all stuff, it’s like you have to really shut out the noise of like, okay, do I want, uh, a golden arch because they have it on Pinterest, or do I want one because it would look cool for us, like, you know.

Exactly.

Kate Gray: Yeah, for sure.

Christa Innis: Okay, last one. A parent constantly criticizes their part child’s partner, but the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Major red flag. First of all, why is a parent criticizing? I think that’s, so, I, I think things can be so backwards. Like parents should be there to be so supportive ’cause they know they’ve been through it and they know how stressful it is.

Mm-hmm. So it’s just crazy to me in general when parents are adding, they add stress even though they know they’ve been through it themselves. Um, so I think that’s the red flag is like parents criticizing in general. That’s definitely something to have a boundary around. Um, what was the rest of the question?

And the, uh, the partner just keeps the peace to avoid conflict. Yeah. And that’s another thing. Do they always do that? Do they do that with you? Do they do that at work? Do they do that with their friends? Are they always avoiding conflict? Because the thing about that is that it comes out sideways. It it does eventually, you know, people aren’t just like doormats, you’re human beings and emotions, you know, it’s gonna come out.

So, but it, but, or is this a situational thing where it’s just like, you know, let’s just get through this wedding. Like, I don’t even care. Let’s just get through this wedding. Right. That’s one thing. So, and it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s, you know, things are not irreparable. If you just, if the wedding is just, if you decide it’s not the time to deal with all these dynamics, then just make it easy for yourself.

You know? Like if you need to avoid it, do it, whatever. But as long as like you, um, yeah, I think just doing what you need to do at the time

Christa Innis: Yeah. Is

Kate Gray: how you leave these situations. Like not traumatized.

Christa Innis: Right. When they’re

Kate Gray: tough.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know how I would react to something like that, but yeah, if it’s something like you live across the country and you’re only gonna see ’em for this one day and you talk to them, okay, whatever, just like, we’re like, whatever.

But if you see them a lot and they’re constantly putting your partner down, like, let’s, boundaries.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Boundaries. Because that’s, you know, if a parent’s criticizing their partner, that can really make the kid feel undermined. Like, Hey, you don’t trust my decisions. Like, I, I wanna hear your feedback, but I’m, all I’m hearing about them is this, and that’s making me not trust your opinion because they’re both good and bad.

Like, they definitely have stuff, but it, it’s, it feels reflective of me and what you think about me and my decision. So yeah, that can be something important to communicate. But again, if this isn’t the time, then don’t like just deal with it later.

You’re Just the Mother of His Child

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now let’s get to everyone’s favorite part of these episodes, and that’s this week’s story submission.

So here we go. Okay. It’s Blind React. I’ve not read it, so, okay. What we got. Okay. You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and hit a full. Hit at full speed while making a, and was, I’m sorry, and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in co a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. Oh, she explicitly told them not to speak to me. How do you, that stuff, this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. Like, yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, like. That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Like in Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Uh, she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re just the mother of his child.”

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. Um, that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Mm. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

Mm. So the, the grandma was even keeping the, the son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown, grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it kind of relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. Mm-hmm. But this is like the opposite way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? Like, ’cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, he’s my next. I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, I. If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a family, you know, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This like, I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: And may, I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, you know? Mm-hmm. How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. But yeah, so that’s what I have just context.

I want context to that. But you wanna really, you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, you know, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Um, yeah. And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

The partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: You know, they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. Of course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and you know, then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say like, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, um, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

Um mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. Okay. Let’s, okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: Wait, I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s like, I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think like retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s like, you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much like he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: Well, or I mean, or, or she just learned from that. Like, this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. Because I, um, man, that is, that is, you can’t make that this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about like being aware of like, okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

Kate Gray: Right.

Christa Innis: This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ’cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

I mean, they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: Right. But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. Like, we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. Wow. Uh, she had no, oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. That’s a wait. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And like how long was, if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. Well, because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that. Yes. Well, wait, so backing up, when he got in that tragic accident, that was like, what?

Probably five years into their relationship? Is that like a general timeline? Probably. So

Christa Innis: they met mid nineties in the summer of 2000. Yeah. Yeah. So probably like five or so years. Okay. They had a toddler together, living together. Mm. Yeah, where was the mom and all this? Like did she live with

Kate Gray: Yeah, did she live with them?

Yeah. I, so my, so from a family systems point of view, remember that’s my context. ’cause like, I wanna be per, I wanna respond personally to this, but like, ’cause this is crazy, but not in a clinical way. You’re not crazy in a clinical way. Yes. But it’s still just like, what is this guy, you know, you said this at the beginning, like when people are like, oh, where’s the fiance?

People submit stories and they’re like, wait, where? Where’s the fiance? Where’s the husband? Where’s the partner?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And

Kate Gray: that’s what I’m wondering is like, what has he just been passive in this situation and mm-hmm. I don’t know. I think it’s so easy to be, you know, with these mother-in-laws that do these things, to be really scared of them.

And I mean. And let them dominate. You know, I think there gets to a point where it’s like you, you can have boundaries as adults. Like you can, you know, you don’t have to have her in your, your house. If she’s terrorizing you and you’re scared of her and you’re laughing at her behind her back, you know, like, so I don’t know, but.

That sounds,

Christa Innis: that’s what I’m confused about. Crazy. Like he had a good relationship with his mom, so he was like, oh, she’s fine, she’s harmless. But then maybe, right. It wasn’t until he was in the ICU that she became really terrible and was like, like actually a threat to their relationship.

Kate Gray: Yeah, yeah.

Christa Innis: Because you know, you hear like funerals and weddings and, you know, all those big life events bring out the worst in people. Right? Right. And so like, I mean, there’s so many cr I mean, I’m sure there could be a podcast about funeral things that happen with families, like being torn apart and money is, you know, there, there, you always hear about stuff like that.

And so that’s what makes me think of like, maybe the mom was playing nice and then she was like in tragedy brought up. Right. I don’t know.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Well, oh man, that’s so hard. That is so hard. I mean real life. And that’s why marriage relationships are so important to get right. Because life is crazy and there are huge things that happen like that, that alter things and alter relationships.

And so having a balance and having communication and resolving conflicts so that it all doesn’t come out in this one crisis, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Is

Kate Gray: so important because crises happen.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But yeah, and it’s um, I love that she shared this story ’cause it’s such a unique perspective and I feel like open people’s eyes up too because it’s kind of like a different perspective of the stories we usually get.

’cause you know, it’s usually like the wedding drama and the planning and stuff. So this was a very like, alternative kind of story. And I think it’s really interesting ’cause you never think like. In like a, in a tragic moment, like, what’s gonna happen? Or, you know, right. How would we handle that? Married or not?

How would we handle that situation? ’cause that’s gonna put, that can put stress on family. How is family gonna come in at that point? Um,

Do It Your Way

Kate Gray: well, yeah, and I think it depends. When I got married, I remember like a month after we got married and we’re home from and everything and it’s like really hitting you this commitment and this legal change.

And I was changing my name and I remember being like, I’m changing my social security card. Like, if I am in an accent, you, you are gonna be like, you know, who’s young at my age who doesn’t have experience with hospitals, you know, my mom’s a, a nurse and, um. I just remember like that, the gravity of that hitting me, you know, you just grow up like it, it’s just so much transition internally and in life.

And you’re like, oh my gosh. Like if I am in a car accident, you are gonna be making these decisions. Like this is crazy. Yeah. So I think there, you know, um, I, but I agree like with like what you’re saying just about how the, the legal thing like this, it matters. This marriage is, is this person is making these huge decisions and when health is on the line, I think that’s a time where like hard lines need, hard boundaries need to be there, like mm-hmm.

Or else there’s this situation right where the mom and the partner, like the wife or the, the partner Yeah. Are not, there’s no clear lines there. ’cause legally did the mom have the right, or I don’t even know what the laws are.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t know. And I don’t know what state there, ’cause I’m sure it differs state to state too.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But it sounds like she probably had the legality because she was the mom, but I don’t know. ’cause it’s like if he’s over 18, doesn’t that kind of go away? I don’t know how that works. Yeah. Um, but I actually heard a crazy story. I don’t even know how long ago it was now. Um, and I’ll change up the story slightly to protect who they are, but, um, this couple was married for a long time.

They were going through a divorce and while they were going through a divorce, the man had a traumatic, like, I think I wanna say brain cancer, brain tumor. Mm-hmm. And it turns out that certain tumors can make you act different ways or like do different things. Mm. While that was happening, he had an affair with her sister.

It was, I know. It was crazy. And so while he was in the hospital, the sister and I, again, I don’t know the legalities or how this worked. Yeah. Uhhuh, um, I. This was like through a grapevine,

Kate Gray: Uhhuh,

Christa Innis: um, through, through the sister. The sister was not allowing the ex-wife to Oh, father of children. Father of the children, what?

25 years? Yeah.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: And I was just like, this was a long grapevine, but it was just like, what? Like how, like I, again, I don’t know, like the legalities of that because they were divorced, but he wasn’t with this new person legally. But I don’t know if she was just there when the injury happened or they like, did the surgery or what.

Oh my gosh. But the, like, those kind of things are just like, you don’t, you don’t think about that when you’re like, you know, I don’t know. Getting married or like all that stuff.

Kate Gray: No, no, you don’t. You definitely don’t. I’m watching, it’s funny we’re talking about this too. ’cause I’m rewatching, um, Grey’s Anatomy, so I’m like seeing all this stuff in episodes and um, but yeah, it really does make you think of the legalities.

’cause I think that is what they determine what they make those decisions based on. Right. Like the doctors have to know Yeah. Who’s next of kin and who’s formally next of kin.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Because I know there’s been really sad stories where, um, a gay couple or something have been partners for a long time, but they, because they weren’t legally married, they refused to let a longtime partner of someone in the hospital room So crazy.

And I hope that’s changed in most cases, but I’m sure there’s gotta be some kind of like paperwork or something, I don’t know. Mm-hmm. How that works. Mm-hmm. But maybe next I need to have some like.

Kate Gray: Lawyer on it should have someone on here. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about that. Is there a lawyer listening?

Um, okay. I know we’re about at the end of our time, so I always like to end this with confessions, weekly confessions that people send me. So here’s a couple that people sent in. It says, biggest regret was having a wedding instead of eloping like I wanted to. Mm. And I was told I would regret it later.

Kate Gray: That is so sad.

I hate when people, or it’s just sad when people project their own experiences and you don’t realize it’s them projecting and not everyone’s truth and not like a universal truth, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Oh, that’s tough. See, that’s why like, you have to make these times, you have to do what you wanna do, I think.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kate Gray: Because they’re so big.

Christa Innis: Totally. And I feel like when you tend to listen to everyone around you, but yourself, you’re gonna end up regretting it a hundred percent. Whether it want a big wedding and you went small or you went small and you want, you know, or I just said the same thing twice. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Um, or you, you don’t elope, but you really wanted to elope because you’re ultimately trying to please everyone else and you’re looking back. Exactly. Feel like, what was that for?

Kate Gray: Yeah. And it’s like if you do what you wanna do and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted to, you can learn. It’s not a, it’s not, I don’t think is as bad as if you listen to someone else over yourself.

’cause I think when you get married, like when you go into that stage of life. And you start your own family, whether you have kids or not. Like you’re starting your own family, that you have to get in the habit of making decisions for your family and for yourself and putting yourself first in that way.

That’s what’s best for your family. Mm-hmm. Is choosing yourself every day over everybody else. You know, obviously considering other people, but no one knows your family, no one knows you better than you know you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kate Gray: Even if you haven’t been some through something that other people have been through.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. You know, the way you just said it, I’m like, you know, the wedding is kind of like the test, like, kinda like the precursor into the marriage. ’cause everyone’s so focused on the wedding. Right. But it’s really the marriage, like that counts and I, I don’t know. Yeah. I can kind of say that to like, you know, your clients before, but I just feel like so many people focus on this like, you know, big day, right?

Yeah. The flashing lights and all that, but. It really is kinda like the precursor of like, how are we gonna handle stress? How are we gonna budget for this big event? Yes. How are all these strong personalities gonna come together and how will we deal with it? Because in our, you know, marriage, there’s gonna be trials and tribulations, there’s gonna be hard times, there’s gonna be great times.

Um, and so I feel like that’s kinda like a precursor of like, are we gonna listen to everyone else before us? Yes. Like, how are we gonna Well,

Kate Gray: yeah, and like I said, like I really do, when I’m thinking about it like this, I’m like, there. People don’t, I don’t know you. It’s crazy that this amount of pressure and this complex of a thing happens at the very beginning of a relationship because in life you’re never dealing with this type of thing again.

You know, unless you have children and there’s like, you live on a compound with your family. Like there, you know, there’s not this level of pressure, of personalities of, of involvement in your life and in your life decisions as there is when you’re married. So I wanna like, I feel like that would’ve been so helpful for me to understand of just like, this is kind of a one time thing.

You know, this. And like maybe if you, if you can get pregnant, if you wanna get pregnant, whatever the birth of your first child, like, I feel like those are kinda the two main first things. And then after that, people leave you alone in a way. And so just to know like if you’re feeling a lot of pressure, you can like chill because there’s nothing like this, I think other than funerals, you know?

Yes. Other, other things like that. But even, even then, you’re not the center of it a lot of times. So

Christa Innis: yeah. This is your, your time for it to be about you. You can be a little selfish. Um, yeah. And yeah. Kind of block out the extra it,

Kate Gray: It will be over, you know? Yes. But I agree with what you’re saying. Like it totally is a precursor for things and magnifies your dynamic.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. A lot of, lot of personalities and thoughts and opinions coming in on this, on this one day. That’s Yeah. That can, uh, can make or break sometimes.

Kate Gray: Yeah. But do what you want.

Christa Innis: Yes. Do what you want.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, this says, um, mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and warned me wait and said it was a warning from her wor from her words.

I don’t know how that. Mother-in-law shared a video of Karen’s ruining weddings as a joke and a warning from her words. Yeah. So she said it as like a warning. What? So basically saying, if you don’t do what I say, I can ruin your wedding. Oh gosh. That is so mean. Did you see there was this thing that went viral.

Someone just tagged me in on TikTok. This girl shared a picture or like a video of all her invitations in a bucket of dirty water and said, thanks to my mother-in-law, oh wait, no, I didn’t see that they were already, or they were, the water was dirty because it was all the ink. She already had pre-addressed all these invitations in envelopes, and the mother-in-law threw them in water because they weren’t what she wanted, or she didn’t want the wedding to happen.

It was like going viral on TikTok. And people were like, can you make a story about this? And I was like, let me gather some thoughts.

Kate Gray: That’s terrible. Oh my gosh, that is so awful.

Christa Innis: Do you, that is so awful. Is that someone that just can’t deal with their emotions or can’t communicate, or has or hasn’t been told? No, maybe.

Kate Gray: Yeah. So the like term is enmeshment. They’re enmeshed, which means they’re fused, like, so, um, when it comes to relationships, there’s only one truth. Like there’s right or wrong, and both people have to see it that way. Mm. Whereas, so they need to learn what’s called differentiation. Like, hey, my kid is their own person.

They’re making their own choices and their own life. And it doesn’t have to be the same as what I would do.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Kate Gray: Or I don’t have to approve. They have full autonomy and agency to do what they need to do. Mm-hmm. And so there’s definitely a component of not being able to regulate emotionally. There’s the component of, of being, um, not really having boundaries.

You know, there’s, there’s a lot. I mean, not, again, not to pathologize people and ’cause I don’t know all the context behind these things, but definitely parents that get upset at their children’s decisions, there is a level of enmeshment between them.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I don’t know how some of these people get through.

Like, I know position, I just can’t. Imagine being treated that way.

Kate Gray: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, awesome. Okay, well that’s all I have for, oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming on. It was so great chatting with you and hearing a different perspective on some of these things that we see.

Kate Gray: Thank you for having me. This was really fun and different.

Like it’s not, I normally just, I talk about this stuff on such, in such a serious way, you know, and so this was really light and fun. I really enjoyed it. Oh, good. Thank you again. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Well, can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content, and then what kind of things you’re working on and what kind of things you share?

Kate Gray: Yeah. So, um, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube under the handle codependency. Kate, KATE. Um, what am I working on? I don’t know. I’m just like having fun posting and, um, just still learning about my community and what the needs are and just doing fun things like this. I did start a podcast, it’s called The Gray Area.

Christa Innis: Oh, fun. Where?

Kate Gray: Yeah, where like, so I post a lot of educational stuff and my podcast is um, where I just elaborate. It’s just like long form. I literally just started it and I am doing it just by myself and I, I’ve been like, I didn’t realize I could yap the way I do. I’ve literally like for 45 minutes to an hour can just like talk about something.

I had no idea. I’ve always been curious, like I wonder if I could just go. Like how long I would talk. Yeah. And anyway, so, um, that’s on my profile. You’re sign up now? I’m literally, yeah. Um, so that’s what I’m doing. Yeah. Now.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, very cool. I feel like a lot of times our, our content can like cross over, like you can be like the more, more serious

Kate Gray: Yes.

Christa Innis: Um, and educational for Yes. I like education. Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of people have que, you know, they hear these stories and they have questions about it, or, um, brides will reach out and be like, this is what I’m currently dealing with and I, I can’t deal with it from, or I can give advice from a professional standpoint.

I just can say like, this is what I’ve seen in these stories. Yes. Yeah. So,

Kate Gray: um, well, and that’s valid too, your experience with these stories. So. Not to like think that, um, you have to have formal training to be able to answer. But yeah, I’m always happy to provide the educational component because there people, from what I’ve learned, like are shocked to find out these things have names and there’s, these are issues, you know, I’ll post a video about this and people are like, oh my gosh, this is my exact situation.

And there’s, you know, 10,000 other people that feel the same way. And it’s just so family systems is super fun to educate people about and it can be very validating for people struggling in these situations.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about social media is that we’re able to connect on those things like, yeah.

Like I saw someone say once like, oh, my algorithm algorithm’s spot on. ’cause it’ll be like a video about like someone with like a D, H, D and anxiety and you’re like, oh my gosh, wait, I have those things. Wait, I do those things. Or it just allows you to connect and see that you’re not alone in something or someone totally in the situation.

And,

Kate Gray: um, it’s so valid. It can be such a relief and so validating for people that don’t have access to therapy or like support, extra support like that. I literally got a message from someone yesterday from like Gambia Africa. Wow. And they’re like, yeah, we don’t have access to therapy here, so I really appreciate your content.

I’m like, oh my God, this is so cool.

Christa Innis: I didn’t know. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, there’s such a. I think, I think our world’s getting more accepting of therapy and like talking about it being like, Hey, yes, I see I go to therapy and I, but like that wasn’t always the case. Right. And I’m sure you saw too, it was more of like a hush hush thing like, oh, I go to therapy.

Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. You are worried about what people are gonna think about you. Mm-hmm. And so I think for those that are still kind of like scared of therapy or like they don’t know if they wanna do it, social media’s a great way of kind of start like opening that door being like, it really is, wait, this is really, this is helpful.

Oh, this is cool. Yeah. Wait, I can talk to someone and like, like get empowered or learn

Kate Gray: about myself or, yeah. That’s great. Like be listened to and just even explore my own thoughts. Like I, I just think that therapy all it is, is just creating space for you to kind of come out and learn about yourself, like you said.

Christa Innis: yeah,

Kate Gray: it’s great. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Awesome. Well thank you again for coming on. I had a great time chatting with you. Me too. Thanks again.

Kate Gray: Thanks.

by Christa Innis

Wedding Nightmare, Bridesmaid Burnout & Hot Takes With Lisandra Vazquez

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Ever felt like saying no to being a bridesmaid? Lisandra Vazquez spills the raw truth about why she’s done with being in wedding parties… forever.

From destination weddings she never even made it to, to the awkward aftermath when friends cut ties, Lisandra and Christa unpack the messy side of adult friendships, money guilt, and wedding obligations no one talks about.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to go broke for someone else’s big day, grab your headphones. You’re not alone and this episode is your permission slip to protect your peace.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

03:38 Navigating the Content Creation World

08:01 Astrology and Personal Insights

11:28 Hot Takes and Personal Opinions

17:59 Rapid Fire Wedding Scenarios

20:21 Mother-in-Law Drama Unfolds

27:45 Cutting Guests for Extra Invites

27:59 Questioning the Bride’s Age and Maturity

28:57 Mother-in-Law’s Abusive Behavior

29:14 Cultural and Religious Expectations

30:39 Sabotaging the Wedding Rehearsal

31:08 Mother-in-Law’s Cold Behavior on Wedding Day

37:11 Counseling and Setting Boundaries

40:14 Confessions from Social Media

40:25 Bachelorette Party Expectations

44:19 Family Dynamics and Boundaries

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Why Bridesmaids Aren’t Worth It After 30 – Lisandra explains why mature friendships shouldn’t hinge on expensive bridal obligations.
When Destination Weddings Become Too Much – The shocking story of how a canceled flight ended a friendship for good.
People-Pleasing Vs. Boundaries – Christa and Lisandra talk people-pleasing, saying no, and being okay with losing friends over it.
Bridal Labor Or Emotional Support? – How some bridesmaids feel more like unpaid labor than guests.
Hot Takes On Outdated Traditions – Garter tosses, group chats, and destination showers—Lisandra says what we’re all thinking.
Real Talk: It’s Okay To Walk Away – How standing up for your time, money, and sanity saves friendships worth keeping.
Comedy, Culture & Creative Hustle – Lisandra shares her creative journey from acting to stand-up and finding her voice online.
Permission To Protect Your Peace – Christa and Lisandra wrap with empowering advice for anyone feeling stuck in wedding guilt.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“Sometimes the trash takes itself out—no RSVP needed.” – Christa Innis
“I love being a bridesmaid… but I’m done. My thirties changed everything.” – Christa Innis
“There’s no friendship worth going broke for.” – Christa Innis
“People hear ‘party plan by Christa’ and think it’s just weddings—but it’s so much deeper.” – Christa Innis
“It’s your wedding, not your bridal party’s unpaid labor camp.” – Christa Innis
“If you really love your friends, don’t ask them to be bridesmaids.” – Lisandra Vazquez
“Sometimes a bridesmaid dress costs more than my rent—I’m not doing that again.” – Lisandra Vazquez
“This too shall pass, good or bad. It keeps me grateful and sane.” – Lisandra Vazquez
“Hot girls are gonna do hot girl stuff—get over it!” – Lisandra Vazquez
“At this point in my life, it’s a no for me, dog.” – Lisandra Vazquez

About Lisandra

Lisandra is a Puerto Rican-born, Atlanta-based stand up comedian, actor, activist, and creator. With a background in acting and improv, Lisandra’s high-energy yet dry storytelling point of view is based on her experiences as a Latina millennial, her take on pop culture, politics, and more. She is a regular at the Laughing Skull Lounge and has performed all over the country.

She has opened for Aida Rodriguez, Dulcé Sloan, Lace Larrabee, and other touring comics.

She has worked with organizations like Climate Power, Generation180, GasLeaks, and more.

Follow Lisandra Vazquez

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Lisandra, thank you so much. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to talk to you. I think you’re hilarious. First of all, I love your content and I was just thrilled when you said you would come on. ’cause I was like, I feel like we could have a lot of fun. You are. Have fun. Yeah. before we get started, can you just tell everyone a little bit about yourself? and I feel like there’s just so much to know. I know you’re a comedian, you’re, hilarious. So a little more about that.

Lisandra Vasquez: I’m from Puerto Rico. I was born there, lived there till I was eight, and then we moved from there to Ohio of all places. and we bopped around a little bit. Lived there for five years in Florida.

I lived in LA for a while and now I’m in Atlanta. So that’s like the shortest version of it all. I’ve been working as like an artist and performer like, I knew I wanted to perform. be an actor and stuff like that when I was like straight out of, well, and even in high school when I was a kid.

But you don’t do that in our culture. You just kind of get a job and like, you find, like my mom’s a doctor. like, they grew up poor. a lot of immigrant families will do that where you, like a creative job isn’t a real job. Mm-hmm. And so, but I’m like, I just always kinda had a sense that like, well, I’m still gonna do what I wanna do.

but you know, so I’ve, been working in the creative world for a really long time in different aspects of it. I’ve done everything. I’ve worked in front of the camera, behind the camera. I’ve assisted people and especially in LA like I have a degree in art ‘ cause I went back to school.

From Puerto Rico to Stand-Up Stages

And uh, ’cause I quit school when, in Florida, when I was like almost done, because I got, I booked a movie. And I was like, well, I don’t need this anymore. Yes. See you suckers. I had like, I had like one year left too. It was like, oh my God, I had enough, enough credit. but I was like, well, for me, I was like, school’s always gonna be there.

Yeah. I don’t wanna be here Anyway, so I was like, bye. I got my SAG card and then I moved with my boyfriend at the time and a couple friends to LA and then I did end up going back to school ’cause my agent kept telling me I was fat. Um, Oh my gosh. It was a different, it was a different time.

but it turned out to be, I mean, in hindsight everything always turns out to be a blessing. Right? Right. but because I went to a school that was really well suited for me, Cal Arts, and I was supposed to be there I got in as a transfer student ‘ cause I had credits from before.

A very hard school to get into. But I got in they wanted me to be there for three years. because that’s how long they require somebody to be there, to get a degree from them. I ended up only doing two years there because I applied for grade level adjustments.

And so it was really, I worked my butt off to earn those. But I did graduate in two years. and then from there I worked as a photographer. and then I didn’t get back until like, performing until 2019.

and then started getting to stand up and now, I was created content for other people for a long time.

I don’t know if you’ve ’cause like I think a lot of us start, the content game by where you can start making money immediately in the content creation world. And because I’m like, I know I’m good at it, but it’s by having somebody else pay you mm-hmm. To do their content for them. Mm-hmm. So I was doing, during the pandemic, I focus a lot on like creating like.

that content that I can make content so then I could get hired. And then as soon as I got filled my books up, I stopped doing that. I stopped advertising that. Yeah. And then I worked, for other people for a long time, making content, making memes and stuff like that. but eventually that just like during my soul, cause I was always doing standup and all my stuff on the side, but there I wasn’t able to give it enough Right.

Use, if you will. I had been posting comedy stuff on my own TikTok for a while, but then around the time of the election and I was always kind of hesitant to talk about my political beliefs. Mm-hmm. And, Especially with like women in comedy.

Like people are like, oh, don’t talk about that. Just talk about X, Y, or Z. Yeah. But then the moment that I started talking about it and actually just being honest and just being more authentic to who I am and what I would talk to you about in person and what people know me as, that started resonating with people online.

And then I just started, it just gave me more and more permission to be more myself. Mm-hmm. And thank God, like for the platforms that we have that are able to like connect us with the people that appreciate mm-hmm. our voice. Yeah. and so I feel eternally grateful to that. And so it’s like, it’s been encouraging to get a, positive response to the weird way that my brain works.

so long story, but that’s kind of like the long and the short of like how one gets from like. There’s no direct, path Yes. To something to get to anywhere where we are in life. Especially when you’re not like a pharmacist, you know what I mean? Where there’s like, okay, I went to school, I did this and that.

There’s, some career path, right? Going up the ladder, some career paths that are far more simple than the ones that just are unique. So that’s, it’s hard to describe how one gets to a path to especially, you know, like we all have different stories, but it’s all there.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, but I love the story of like, the journey of like how you get to a certain place, because it’s always kind of like you set out, like for this path and you do, your steps and it never works out that way. It’s like this opportunity comes up and then you’re like in a slump for a little bit and then you kind of move around.

You’re just kinda like. We’ll see what happens.

Celebrate Wins or Risk Losing Them

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. and like the, I was just thinking about this today because like, this has the, my been, always been, my mantra is that this too shall pass. Mm-hmm. Because, and I mean that with the good things and the bad things. Yeah.

So every time it, really helps me fit in the gratitude when things are good. Mm-hmm. And also know that the bad things are gonna go, this will pass, this will pass, this will pass. I know because like, I had a really bad year one, like two years ago. It was so bad. And then things started getting better.

And today I had like, I’m having this call with you. I was talking with my manager, I have a manager now. and then I was on the phone with, I don’t know how much I can say, but it’s like a, group, for a representative that I’m helping craft a bill. That’s amazing.

Right. And so what, that’s insane. Mm-hmm. Right. I’m so grateful for these opportunities that I’ve been, because I opened my big mouth. and I’ve said it in a way that resonates. Now I’m able to advocate for people like me. Mm-hmm. Make a change. Make a change, and actually getting these conversations and talk about, hey, the problems that I face, the things that I, in, like in our generation that we haven’t been, that we’ve kind of been duped on.

Like the, just the ability to be able to speak to my experience that’s different from the people that have come before. and I don’t take that for granted at all. So today I was like, oh my God, this is amazing, but also this too shall pass. Yes. Like, so I need to, to be really grateful of this moment and really like, celebrate it.

Christa Innis: No, I love that you said that because I feel like I’m so quick to like be onto the next thing. And I dunno if it’s that like creative mindset, do you get it? Like it’s just like you’re like trying to always go to the next thing. And even my like husband will be like sit down and like relax and I’m like, I have to do that next thing.

Like I don’t know where that comes from, but it’s like it’s true. It’s like this whole past, like, can we absorb it? Your sign, sorry, what’d you say?

Lisandra Vasquez: Your sign. Virgo, your astro. See my dog. My Clark. I’m a Virgo too.

Christa Innis: Are you? Oh my God. Virgo. We could make this a astrology podcast episode because I freaking love talking about astrology.

When’s your birthday? August 28th.

Lisandra Vasquez: August 20. I’m the 23rd. I’m like zero degrees Virgo Miash. No ma’am. she wants to talk astrology. well see, she’s a Sagittarius, so she’s a free spirit. that’s my moon sign. That’s my moon as well. yeah, I have Virgo Sun, Virgo Rising Sag Moon.

Christa Innis: I am a Libra rising. So that’s the people pleaser. People

Lisandra Vasquez: pleaser in you. And I’m just still

Christa Innis: see, and I, always like attach myself to people that are like, I dunno what sign it would be, but like the more like rugged, like they tell it like it is because I’m like, I aspire to be that. But I like, I still am like, Hey, do you like me?

Okay. Please love me. Yeah. But yeah. Okay. So it’s that Virgo thing, like the perfectionist, like always striving to the next thing. And I don’t think I discovered that though until like I was definitely not like that in school. ‘ cause I was not like, let we get all A’s. I was not like that. But I always wanted to try things.

Yeah. I think

Lisandra Vasquez: that for. I wasn’t necessarily that way either in school where I wasn’t like, oh, I need to get a straight A. But I do feel like, and my, siblings, I have five siblings, I have two half siblings, but then, my two siblings that grew up in the house with me, were all Virgos. Oh my gosh.

and my mom’s a Virgo too, so I think I know what a crazy thing. but I think what we all have is a really good compass and a like, a drive that I don’t see in everybody. And it’s just likea self-determination that people are like, why do you, why are you so like, I don’t know.

We just have like a, our own standard. I see that a lot in Beyonce. that’s who I, every time I see Beyonce, I’m just like, girl, you’re just like me. Except for your game. Yes. Oh my God. Your fiance. but you know.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh. I feel like I’m like meeting a soul sister. I feel like it’s so hard to explain to my husband and I’m like, no, like you don’t understand.

Like, I need it this way and I need to do the next thing, but I’m gonna remember that, that this cell too shall pass in good moments because I don’t take the time to absorb it. And especially like the industry now, that we’re, kind of, I don’t really know how it works. Like we’re all both on social media, but it’s different kind of industries, I guess.

But it’s like the industry, it’s like it moves fast. It’s like all of a sudden this opportunity can come and it can go. so it’s like everything you have to like absorb those good moments. And I feel like I’m so quick to be like, all right, cool. That was great. I gotta keep going though. And I don’t stop to be like, this is awesome.

Lisandra Vasquez: Cool. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: So, yeah, because the wins we really do have to learn to celebrate them because if not, then like, I don’t know how woowoo you are, but sometimes I do feel like if we don’t celebrate those wins, then it’s not like, well, in my, because then they don’t wanna keep coming as much.

It’s like with, manifest, uh, I Sure. Levels of manifest. Oh, that’s funny. it’s like when I’m on stage, I do standup comedy. So for me, it’s the same way as training, like the universe. It’s, you’re training an audience not to laugh. If you continue to step on the laugh and you don’t let them continue.

If you don’t let them enjoy the moment. And if you don’t stop, they’ll train themselves to not laugh at you, even though they’re enjoying it. they’ll be like, huh, so then they can listen to what you’re gonna say. Mm-hmm. So that’s how I feel that’s how I’m like, okay, I have to, I can’t step on the universe.

I have to enjoy the moment

Christa Innis: I love that. That’s such a good mantra. And like showing gratitude back. I feel like Yeah, no, I’m, I’m super woowoo. I mean, I shouldn’t say super ’cause they’re super woowoo, but I’m woowoo. But you know, like the right kind of woo. I would like to make, no, I love that.

That that’s a great way to start this episode. I feel like. so I always like to start off with like crazy stories or hot takes. You have a hot take and I feel like we should just like, dive into it.

Bridesmaid Hot Takes & Wedding Party Regrets

Lisandra Vasquez: I think that if you’re really good friends with somebody, you should not ask them to be a bridesmaid. If you actually like your friends bridesmaid, you shouldn’t know, you’re in your thirties especially.

Christa Innis: No, no,

okay. How many times have you been a bridesmaid and how, what was the worst one? If you wanna share or what was like the worst part about being a bridesmaid

Lisandra Vasquez: to you?

The worst part of being a bridesmaid, I’ve been a bridesmaid. Enough times that I have forgotten how many weddings have been. they’ve gotten less in my thirties. But I will say that the worst part of being in asked to be in a wedding is the having the obligations, the financial obligations, and the having to deal with people that are making different decisions than necessarily that I would make.

So like one of the last, like being involved in the group chat. Ugh. The group chat. The group chat. The last, the last wedding that I was asked to be in was a destination wedding, and it was gonna be very expensive mm-hmm. For me to get there. And it was gonna be very hard. and like I could only afford to go for so many days, and then we ended up, actually, I was at the airport with all my stuff and then my flight got canceled.

And then in order to rebook it, because I had to go to another country and then hop a little plane, I would’ve gotten there the day of the ceremony and then had to head back the next day.

Christa Innis: No.

Lisandra Vasquez: I just didn’t go.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: And I felt really bad and then now the bride doesn’t talk to me anymore. but I’m like, listen, you know what

Christa Innis: well, it was kind of not calling your friend.

Well, ex-friend trash, but the trash takes itself out sometimes. or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,

Lisandra Vasquez: and the thing is, I’ve thought about reaching out to her too, but I just also don’t feel like the connection was strong enough between us to really like, go beyond that.

Because I also feel like sometimes with, When you ask somebody to be a bridesmaid, it’s kind of a transaction and you’re asking a lot of that person, not only financially but like emotionally and for them to just be there for you. And there’s a lot of things that you, people require depending on the thing.

But I’ve had people be like, okay, well the expectation was that I showed up there helped with labor of like putting things together and this and that and that. And I’m like, so then you’re required to go and add labor. And sometimes that’s fine and cool, but then other times it’s like, Hey, I’m also like taking time off work, investing money into this and I also would like to be able to relax and enjoy this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: But, and I understand that for some people we are happy to do that for them. Yes. Like my sister. Yeah. Absolutely. 100%. But I think that the expectation of like, if you’re over 30, there’s people that have jobs, lives, limited budget things that they’re all sa We’re all at this point sacrificing a lot of things to be able to make it here.

And like we all have such and speak for everybody, but limited budgets of time and money to be able to get to these things and to just, unless I will not be in another, I will not accept being in another wedding unless I know I’m just showing up and I’m gonna be there and I’m gonna be able to support.

I’m gonna do that. But yeah, I just never, I’ve seen weddings where people just ask their friends to wear certain colors so that they can be in the pictures. And that’s the vibe.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s what you’re into.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, that’s really a friend. Yeah. Because you’re like, oh, I’m not asking you to plan some sort of a crazy vacation.

‘ cause then there’s like the financial aspect of planning the, bridal shower, the bachelorette party. Yeah, usually. And then, that’s so much money for your decisions.

Christa Innis: Yeah. see, and maybe this is my Libra coming out, you know, we’re talking about Libra people pleaser. I love being a bridesmaid.

However, not anymore. I think I’m done. Like I’ve been in my fair share. I’m well into my thirties now. I don’t foresee anyone else asking me. And if they wanted to, I’d probably be like, I’ll just come as a guest at this point. I had no business, like in my early twenties, being in those weddings, spending that kind of money, no business.

I know you feel guilty saying no, and you’re like, you know, and I was that friend that was like, what do you need help with? Sure. I don’t have a life outside of this. And I would be there for bridal showers. Like I would be paying for like food, you know, like all that stuff. And it’s like, looking back, I’m like, I barely could afford, like, I didn’t even, I still lived with my parents at some of the times.

I still, you know, it was rough,

Lisandra Vasquez: it was bad. And I’m just like. Oh, I’m sacrificing one of them. Yeah. It just like, there’s so much sacrifice, there’s so much time and often it is to fulfill a quota for the bride, for the sides and the pictures and stuff like that. And sometimes it isn’t, but sometimes it is. And you should really think long and hard before you ask people to be bridesmaids. That’s what I’m saying. Yeah. Especially if you’re not 20 in your twenties.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Because I’ve seen my people in their twenties feel like they have like a lot of really close friends and they all wanna do that. But everybody in their thirties I feel like has lives.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just saying to someone, I’m like, thank God I waited till my thirties to get married. ’cause I feel like if I got married in my twenties, it’d be so different.

Like everyone’s your friend. And I probably, I think we would’ve had double the amount of people. But like when I got married, the only time, I was like, we weren’t into like the pleasing everybody. We were like, we’re making a cut here. This is what we want.

and I would like to think I was an okay bride to work with, like for all my bridesmaids, I was like, if you don’t wanna come, it’s fine. Like, not to the wedding, but I was like, Hey, if you can’t make the shower, if you can’t make the bachelorette par, I don’t, it’s fine. I won’t hit you.

Come wearing white to my wedding. I literally would not care about that stuff. But I’ve definitely have been asked to be a bridesmaid before where I’m like, oh, they want my help they want me to like get crafty and do stuff for the wedding. then you feel

Lisandra Vasquez: used

Christa Innis: after it and you’re like, oh, they don’t even like wanna, like, they don’t even want my friendship.

They just wanted me as a helper and that I don’t like, yeah,

Lisandra Vasquez: the labor. And so that’s where I’m just like. again, not all bridesmaid situations are created equal, but for the most part it’s a no for me dog. No, I’m not interested. And I also don’t think that you should ask that of people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that hot take because that

Lisandra Vasquez: this economy

Christa Innis: ugh, not in this.

Yes. Oh my gosh. That’s funny. Okay, so I thought before we read the crazy story today, we could do a little rapid fire. So I’m just gonna read two things that like could happen at a wedding or something, and you just pick, pick which one you’d rather. Okay. Here we go. We’re doing something new. We’ve never done this before.

Okay. Caught making out with a groomsman or caught texting your ex on the wedding day.

Lisandra Vasquez: I’d

Christa Innis: rather

Lisandra Vasquez: make out with a groomsman. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Your partner wore a ring from their ex’s proposal, or they forgot to get you a ring at all.

Lisandra Vasquez: When they proposed to me, they forgot to get me a ring in this hypothetical scenario, apparently. I’d rather them forget to get me a ring than to have something from their ex.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: but also like, maybe you should rethink marrying this person. I forgot to get you a fucking ring. Unless they were like really in the moment they asked and they’re like, I don’t even have a ring.

I just wanna ask Right.

Christa Innis: Like a little Yeah. Like a movie where that’s just like right now I have to ask, here’s a little piece of string. Yes. Yeah. Let me tie around your finger. Okay. Hot. Best man with bad intentions or awkward. Best man with a heart of gold.

Lisandra Vasquez: at this point, a heart of gold man.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Wild Bachelor party with photos leaked or steamy.

Dms from a guest. Steamy dms caught hooking up at someone else’s wedding or caught talking trash about the bride. Oh, hooking up. your ex crashes the wedding or gives an emotional

Lisandra Vasquez: toast that I would give an emotional toast, I think, or that he does. That’s a weird one.

you give an emotional toast. Oh, I’d rather give an emotional toast. Keep him far away.

Christa Innis: Okay, last one. A sexy first dance or a full on magic mike Style Groomsman performance.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, they’re both cringe ew. I guess I’d rather the magic mike thing because it could be funny. than like doing a sexy dance in front of my family. That’s weird. That’s weird. Well, speaking of

Christa Innis: what

Lisandra Vasquez: are your

Christa Innis: thoughts on the garter toss?

Lisandra Vasquez: No, what are we doing?

that. I

Christa Innis: don’t, that is one of my, like, strong, I don’t even know if it’s a hot take anymore because I see, I do like a confession thing every week. Every week. everyone, I would say more people than not say like, no garter toss. Like, that’s so cringey, so weird. I’m happy to see it’s going away.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. it’s

Christa Innis: why I just, why would you want your husband putting his head up your dress during your wedding? I just don’t understand that. No. All right. We’ve got a doozy for this week, so let me just get into it. feel free to stop me as I read, or we can react at the end,

Red Flags & A Missing Dinner Plate

All right. Here we go. Says Mother-in-law Drama. Made my wedding a nightmare. Basically a book, sorry. Okay, my now husband, let’s call him. Matt and I met during the pandemic once it was safe to go out to restaurants and such, and we quickly fell in love because his family cares for two elderly grandmothers.

They had very strict rules about socializing during that time. I had no problem with that, and Matt and I were careful to follow their guidelines. That meant I didn’t get to know his family that well, that’s how I initially explained. away all the red flags that his mom disliked me. I told myself, maybe she doesn’t hate me.

It’s just awkward because we haven’t spent that much time together. Spoil alert. I was wrong because my family was lower risk. Matt spent more time with my family and they immediately clicked. So some dating red flags from his mom. She constantly trashed the denomination of churches Matt and I attended, and that my dad’s pastor, is a pastor for even after I acknowledged her bad experience and tried to empathize at Matt’s dinner, she set the table for everyone but me.

I got to stand in the kitchen.

Okay. When I read something like that, I’m like, was he like, let me put a plate for you, he just let her stand in the kitchen because that’s a red flag on him. Well, both of ’em. Yeah. Oh, no. What? She interrupted me every time I spoke and redirected the conversation, that would get really under my skin.

Lisandra Vasquez: You, what was she, Latina?

Christa Innis: I don’t have those details yet. she raved about Matt’s exes and their amazing relationships with his younger sisters and how much she missed them, how many exes. And she, this apparently they’re all just so great. But her, she refused to attend the church service where Matt and I officially joined, I’m guessing for marriage, because she was Matt, he left theirs

Context for later in October, 2021. My dad nearly died of COVID. The doctors were shocked. He survived once home, he had to stay plugged into a wall oxygen machine. Oh my gosh, that’s terrible. due to a shortage of portable tanks, he only had enough for necessary doctor visits. November, 2021, Matt proposed it was beautiful and surprised me during my family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

We were so happy we looked at rings together so it wasn’t outta the blue, but it was still magical. We decided on a shorter engagement and set the date for April, 2022. It was going to be a low key small town wedding. We mostly planned ourselves. We knew the quick timeline might keep some people from attending, but we were ready to be married.

We invited his family to my parents’ house to talk about wedding vision, financial contributions, dress shopping dates, et cetera. But we couldn’t go to their house. It’s 90 minutes away, and my dad couldn’t travel. They refused to come to us because they didn’t wanna hire a babysitter for their 14-year-old twins.

Both grandmothers lived nearby. They wouldn’t bring the girls either. It was either we had to go to them or it didn’t happen. Eventually we got them to agree to a zoom call. That point you can just tell, like someone like that does not wanna be involved. And it’s like why that it’s deliberate.

Yes. They’re gonna purposely put every kind of blockade for it to not happen.

Lisandra Vasquez: Like the person that’s being awful to you because they want you to break up with them.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep. It’s that, like passive aggressive, like Oh yeah. Yeah. The Zoom came. Neither parents said much. His mom was on her phone the entire time.

My parents gushed about Matt and said how thrilled they were to welcome him, his parents. Yeah, he’s great. Nothing about me joining the family. I don’t even know how people like this deal with in-laws like that, so I would just, I have

Lisandra Vasquez: opinions. I think that he sucks the dude that she’s marrying because like I would’ve had if he hadn’t stood up.

Like, no, like, I would see that as a huge red flag on his behalf that he’s not, I least at this point, making it clear that there is a separation between how, like, because she hasn’t gotten there yet. So I don’t know if she’s gonna include this, but I would be, why aren’t you taking care of this?

Like why aren’t you taking care of this information? This is like you and your mom. Your mom is literally mistreating me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: just letting it out like in front of

Christa Innis: your face. Cutting me out. Yeah. Like at that point it’s like I would be, yeah, you’re right. I’d be more mad at him ’cause I’m like, this is your family.

Lisandra Vasquez: speak up dude. Mm-hmm. That’s not okay to treat anybody’s because like he’s treating her like that. But he could treat, I mean anybody like that, that’s messed up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the way she wrote about the standing in the kitchen, it literally sounds like she was just standing in the kitchen while they all ate for his dinner.

Passive-Aggressive Wedding Planning

And I’m like, that would never be okay. Oh, literally. so she said, but hey, zoom is awkward. So maybe that was why my parents offered to pay for most things. His parents said they’d cover Matt’s tux, a groom’s cake, and the alcohol. Matt and I reiterated that we were planning a small, simple wedding.

They said It’s fine. It was painfully awkward. Everyone was relieved when the call ended, I felt weird about my relationship with his mom. But I still tried to include her. I invited her dress shopping. See, there’s so many super nice brides I read about, and they like have this like issue with, you know, they have a, bad relationship with the mother-in-law and they still invite them dress shopping.

I’m like, that’s like a vulnerable moment to be changing in front of someone or showing something. Like, why would you want someone like that there? It’s an olive branch.

Lisandra Vasquez: I get it. But like,

Christa Innis: God, yeah, it’s harder when you’re in it. Yeah. Of budget constraints. I wanted to shop before Christmas to avoid price hikes.

I sent her a couple of dates and she declined both. There we go. One without explanation the other, because she was making Christmas cookies.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, no. But you know, it’s creepy. the timeline for those

Christa Innis: So busy. Yeah. Has to be this day I’m really busy. Oh my gosh. so I went with my mom and sister and found my dress.

I’d asked Matt’s sisters to be junior bridesmaids and invited them to the shop too. His mom said to just send them the link for the dress I wanted. I did. And she complained about the hem line and designer, but insisted she’d fix it for them after delivery. When the dresses arrived, she wouldn’t show them to me until after alterations.

I pushed and thank goodness I did. she pinned the hem up four inches too high. She was annoyed but adjusted them. they finally looked correct on the wedding day. Then here’s a not so brief list of other chaos that she had caused during planning the wedding. Okay. Bridal shower takeover.

She offered to host. I thought it was a peace offering. made it a couple’s shower. So Matt had to attend. Introduced everyone, including Matt’s best friend who couldn’t come, but not me, to her friends and family who I had never met. Oh my gosh. Guest list battle. We wanted to cap the wedding at 100 guest total.

She alone wanted to invite 100. I hadn’t shared my severe anxiety disorder because I didn’t trust her, but finally told them the cap was for my mental health. She looked me dead in the eye and said, I have anxiety too. It’ll be fine.

That’s that like older generation that’s like we all had anxiety and we just, had to do, we had to carry on with our lives like.

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. that’s like my mom being like, Liandra, no, you’re not depressed. You’re just be happy. Okay. Like, okay. Okay. Fracture on the switch. Yeah, like, don’t cry.

Just change. Change it. Like, okay, open the window. Go out in the sun. Oh, yeah. No, that’s crazy. I hadn’t thought about that. I hadn’t thought about just being happy. Yeah. Thank you. Really. Thank you for that. I have anxiety too. You’ll be fine. That’s crazy.

Christa Innis: Later she told people I faked mental illness to get my way.

We ended up cutting guests from my side so they could invite extras. This, I would be really, I

Lisandra Vasquez: hate this woman.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would be really second guessing the whole wedding.

Lisandra Vasquez: How old did she say how old she is? Because she sounds young. I know

Christa Innis: it was a really quick engagement,

Lisandra Vasquez: but still she sounds like she’s young.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: she sounds like she’s in her twenties at least, because I feel like, I wouldn’t put up with that, but I might have put up with it earlier in my life. Yeah. I could see a time where I would be like, in my very early twenties, I dated a guy for four years and I could see if his mom didn’t like me, I would still try to be like, all right, this is the right thing I need to do.

I still need to try to invite her. I still need to try to do this. And then I’d be mad at him, but I wouldn’t have the communication skills and be like, confidence to be able to be like, fix your mother.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But I would now. Right. and at that awkward time of like, you’re like becoming an adult, so you’re kind of like still that like kid respect your elders.

I feel like I was like that in my early twenties too.

Lisandra Vasquez: So I just feel like the, I’m reading it as she’s younger because she’s not standing up for herself in the way that I think that, somebody in her later in life would.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. I think so. What she’s going through is it’s abusive.

Like that’s not the woman is walking all over her ’cause she doesn’t respect her.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. She’s thinking she’s not like, good enough for her son, or it’s the kind of person she’s like putting her son on a pedestal saying like, he deserves the best and you’re not, it, that’s,

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s why I asked if he’s Latino.

That’s what Latino parents do. Treat their firstborn son as the gold standard. Really. Yeah. Yeah. But also it’s also curious that they’re not Jewish. ’cause that’s what Jewish mothers do as well. Mm-hmm. And then they get mad. I mean, it’s also different kinds of, Christian religions that where they, really covet like the sun.

That’s very, and they’re very, particular about their, flavor of Christianity.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s what I kind of got by the denomination thing. So if she is like very in her or EPIs, you don’t wanna be an

Lisandra Vasquez: Episcopalian anymore. Lutheran’s not even a thing. Mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Isn’t it all Christian? I mean, listen guys, come on.

but yeah, so it seems like an uppity.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like she, it’s almost like she heard the denomination and immediately from that point was like, Nope. And then just like discounted anything else she said or something like that. It’s like when they a chance.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. It’s like if somebody, They’re a Republican.

Oh. Or like, oh, she’s a liberal. Cool. I guess she doesn’t care about babies or something like that. I dunno. Yes. Um, but you can make, judgements for sure. That’s crazy, huh? What else did she do? She goes, so she like, we have this

Christa Innis: There’s a lot. So it says, gossiping behind my back. She told Matt’s friends, I was excluding her from planning.

She never answered my texts about it. Jokes on her. Two of those friends are close with me and they spilled everything. Sabotaging the rehearsal. She told the wedding party I was overbearing for asking them to arrive 30 minutes early said it was okay to come late because we’d start late anyway. Then she gave them the wrong wedding day timeline.

If I hadn’t sent backup info, they would’ve missed photos. refused to help set up. She got mad that Matt helped set up the reception. She wanted him at their hotel to hang out. They wouldn’t help at all because that’s the bride’s family’s job. Okay. Cold as ice in the getting ready room. She ignored me the whole time.

Didn’t acknowledge me when I walked in wearing my white dress, even though everyone else was emotional and excited, I’d be like, you can leave. Yay.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. On her wedding day. This is bad. This

Christa Innis: is

Lisandra Vasquez: bad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. when I do like crazy skits and stuff, people are like, oh, this is so dramatic. That would never happen.

And I’m like, no, there’s people saying, it literally happens to them.

Lisandra Vasquez: when I was, in LA I used to do a wedding sometimes as a second shooter, so I’d get, The first shooter that I worked with would always be with the bride, and then I’d go with the groomsmen to get the second dairy portraits.

You see some drama, but not this is crazy. Yeah, nothing. This is insane. But I mean, I guess I would have to be privy to all the other information, but you can pick up the vibes.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. I bet you can like tell like right away with a wedding if like someone’s not meshing Well,

Lisandra Vasquez: if the mother the, if the mother of the groom was like to the bride, I’d pick up on that and be like popcorn in my hand, as I’m all the tea.

Yes. No, that’s insane. Yeah. But they got married. How awkward. Yeah, they got married. It’s her mother-in-law.

Christa Innis: I know she’s gonna deal with that the rest of her life. Oh, however long she can put up with it for, because at some point they either have to cut her off the mother-in-law or they’re gonna break.

Because someone like that infiltrating, like if they decide to like move or have kids or whatever they do in their life, she’s gonna be family. When a family member

Lisandra Vasquez: chooses their spouse and the spouse doesn’t get along with the family, someone’s gotta go. Mm-hmm. Usually people will choose their spouse.

You would hope, you hope. Well, usually people would choose their spouse. but sometimes they don’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Especially not a weak ass mama’s boy. Like this guy seems, wow, he sucks.

Christa Innis: I’m like not hearing anything about him. So I’m really, I like wanna reach out and be like, yeah,

Lisandra Vasquez: he is. Yeah. Like, first of all, I need to know, I have so many follow up questions about him.

Like, I need to know if he’s an only child. he definitely seems like he’s the only boy. Mm-hmm. He’s the golden, um, he, if he’s an only child, I guess it would make sense as to why the mom’s so obsessed.

Christa Innis: But it’s weird. It’s that crazy boy mom thing.

It’s like their first love and you know, like they’ll think the trend. I was like on TikTok and it’s like, no, like you’re not doing what you think you’re doing right now. It’s

Lisandra Vasquez: now’s giving weird

Christa Innis: stop. That’s no, don’t you want them to grow up and find someone or like be happy on their own, not like rely on you the rest of their lives.

Lisandra Vasquez: No,

Christa Innis: I want him to. No. Okay. That’s weird. That’s weird. Or do they mention a father? Either? oh, they said parents, they did say his parents

Lisandra Vasquez: when they had the zoom call. Yes. That the parents, so I think the mom’s just a piece of work and she probably has nothing else going on.

Christa Innis: And the dad’s probably just very passive. ’cause over the years she’s been like manipulative like this. And.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. Gerard Carmichael has a, bit right now that I just saw that, like your mom, that he says like that everyone’s mom is crazy. No, but like, it doesn’t matter. Like everyone’s mom is a different kind of crazy, but everyone’s mom gets crazy at a certain point and like the group chat is weird, with the mom and the siblings, and then the dad starts talking less and less.

I feel like that’s what’s happening here. Mm-hmm. Like the mom got crazy.

and the dad probably is just letting it happen and just saying like three words.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: About, because he’s just like, disassociating.

Last Straw & A Weird Hot Tub

Christa Innis: Yeah. He’s like, I’m not gonna get involved. She’s gonna do her thing i’s how.

Yeah. It’s just coexist. Yeah. All right. There’s a couple more things that she didn’t. Oh my God. Uh, tried to sneak in an unapproved photographer despite multiple conversations. She tried to bring in her amateur photographer front to shoot the ceremony when my dad politely told him he could take pictures after the ceremony.

And at the reception, she later told people, my dad screamed at him in the church victim mode. All those, that’s like,that typical person, like she’s gonna be the victim mode, but she

Lisandra Vasquez: has to be Latina. That woman has to be, if she’s not, I’d be so surprised. I know his name is Matt, which is giving white, but.

It might be a white dad. the name’s been changed, so, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So it could

Christa Innis: be, but I mean, I’ve, there’s a lot of crazy white ladies out there that act like this too. I know,

Lisandra Vasquez: I know. But dang it, that’s not exactly someone that I’m related to.

Christa Innis: Yeah. left the reception early to use the hot tub.

Then told our friends she was having more fun in the hot tub than at our wedding. Tried to get them to agree. They didn’t. She was upset when we didn’t join on our wedding night. Oh, you wanna go in the hot tub with your son and his wife on their wedding night? That’s disgusting. This woman is weird. Weird insulted a precious full photo.

When we got our professional photos back, she saw a shot of my dad’s hand on my back during their father-daughter dance said it looked very creepy. That dance meant the world to me. We didn’t think he’d lived to be there. When we said the comment was hurtful, she doubled down. You’re too sensitive.

What? That would be it for me. Like, one after the other. Like why is she still in their life,

Lisandra Vasquez: dude, the fact that they’re still trying to please, I’m even more angry at the husband every time that there’s an interaction and she disrespects the wife. I’m even more mad Yeah. At the husband for not stepping in during this whole thing.

Christa Innis: So here’s a slight follow up at the end here. It says, Matt and I had to go to counseling specifically to learn how to handle her. Thankfully he’s now fully on my side, so I don’t know where he was in all of that. And what was that boiling point where she’s like, we’re going to counseling or we’re done kind of thing.

Lisandra Vasquez: he was probably trying to play the middle. And because I, again, I think they’re young. I think that they’re in their twenties and if they’re in their twenties and they’re still, he was still trying to please both of ’em and he was probably still being like, mom, like, you know I know, but you gotta.

He wasn’t being, but yeah, no, I’m glad they went to counseling. So he said that, she said that they’re still together.

Christa Innis: Yeah. She says in his defense, growing up with a narcissistic, mother trained him to ignore toxic behavior as a coping mechanism. So they’ve, they’ve learned a lot. They’ve done their work.

incredible. Now protective and clear on boundaries. She still dislikes me, but since realizing she’s losing access to him, if she’s unkind to me, she pulls a halfway decent show of civility now. So it’s the fake, like, just to get there? I don’t know.

Lisandra Vasquez: Never.

Christa Innis: I mean, okay. No, that is crazy. because you hear about like the passive aggressive mother-in-laws, but that is like someone blatantly just being rude and not liking you for no reason.

Lisandra Vasquez: I mean, I have a family member that’s blatantly rude and doesn’t like me for no reason, but like, it’sof someone that married into my family, but it’s just like, You do have to have boundaries. You do have to have boundaries and understand that like sometimes you can’t change someone’s mental health status.

Like that person, like that woman, that mom is Ill, like there’s something, and whatever’s happening Says more about her than it does about this bride. Yeah,

Christa Innis: 100%.

Lisandra Vasquez: And they look, they sound like they’ve taken the steps to make their world work and to communicate and to understand, like, and obviously they’re still family, so they have to deal with her because that is his mother.

Mm-hmm. But hopefully people can take away from that. They’re you cannot change somebody that doesn’t wanna be changed and doesn’t see a problem with their behavior. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. And doesn’t have, doesn’t have any empathy, doesn’t have any ability to self-reflect.

that’s exactly what that woman is. And it’s just like. Yeah, I think we all have known somebody like that and not, I mean, we’re not all related to them, but like, you have to have your boundaries and understand that even if it hurts, ’cause that hurts. That’s so hurtful, so, so disappointing that your mother can’t get it together for your wife.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: But getting help and understanding like his triggers and what he is like, been ignoring.

Christa Innis: Right? I feel like narcissist is thrown around so much on the internet these days, but like, if she’s truly narcissistic too, she’ll never see an issue with herself.

So I feel like the only way to either handle someone like that. Why? Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: She’s, she’s perfect. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Everyone else is the problem. They’re all, she’s a victim. ‘ cause he brought in this new wife that’s like not right and you know they’re hurting her, taking his son, her son away or whatever. Yeah. You’re stealing my son.

You harlett. Yes. Yeah, no, 100%. So I feel like the only way is to go through counseling and, limit as much time as you can. Absolutely. Oh my God, that was crazy. All right. I would like to end with like a confession from social media. I know we’re kind of over on time. these are confessions people send me on social media, so, alright.

I feel like this first one, I know how you’ll feel about this. It says, bachelorette parties should not be a week long, expensive vacation, just one crazy night of fun. What do you think about it? Correct. Correct. That is a correct choice.

Lisandra Vasquez: unless everyone is excited to go to a specific location.

but I don’t think it should be forced upon people. I’ve been, gosh, I do like the thought of it being somewhere that is localish. Cost effecti, maybe even like a two to a week is disgusting.

Christa Innis: I have done a week long, either once or twice, but it, like the group that went were my best friend, so it was like we would’ve done a girls’ trip anyways.

Right? Yeah. And they, but I’ve declined a fair share that I’m just like, I wouldn’t know anybody else other than the bride. I’m like, I’m not gonna spend that money.

Lisandra Vasquez: I was so sad one time, like I cried because I couldn’t afford to go to, I had just moved to Georgia and one of my very best friends in the world had her the girl who was planning her bachelorette party, was in a much better financial position than me. And so she planned it to stay at these, like, and you should be able to have what you want, right? But they were like gonna stay at the Waldorf and so it was like very expensive. And I was like, if I’m not being honest, I’m like, that’s so expensive for me.

Yeah. so I was so sad. I was like, oh man, I can’t be there. I’m like, this has been one of my best friends for 10 years. Mm-hmm. Like, I can’t be there because this bitch is planning all this. And so it made me really sad. But then like, when they got there, a hurricane hit Colonel, oh, a hurricane hit?

No. Yeah. And then they ended up having to move places. So it was, I was like, oh, no, sorry to miss that guys. because I could only afford to go to the wedding because the wedding was also like a Dustin. the wedding was in Palm Springs. Oh my. Beautiful. The wedding was beautiful though. Yeah. And like, it was expensive for me to go to the wedding wedding, but it was worth it.

Sometimes it is really worth to go to these weddings. Like my cousin got married in Napa. we had such a blast, and my whole family was there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like if it’s a good location and there’s things to do around it, or if it’s like. Someone you really love and care about. But yeah, I did do labor,

Lisandra Vasquez: but I, because I did help with some stuff, but because it’s my cousin’s wedding, but, cause I’m handy, but we were all still enjoying ourselves and just being in a new environment together and creating memory, so.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. That’s what I love about weddings. Like family weddings are so fun too. ’cause it’s like, I have like something all over the country, so it’s like, it’s so nice to all get together. But especially when it’s like if it’s a friend and it’s like every part of it, I haven’t personally been to one where it’s like every single wedding event you have to fly to, but I’ve heard of one where it’s like engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding that you have to fly to all of them.

It’s like, no, that’s not happening for me. Not happening. That’s unreasonable to ask. Yeah, that’s, yeah. unless you’re paying for everybody to go. Oh yeah. If you’ve got boatloads of money and you just wanna buy, pay for everybody.

Lisandra Vasquez: Taylor Swift. I can

Christa Innis: everybody hop on the pj.

Yeah,

let’s go. but in fact, if she wasn’t paying for people in her wedding, I would be actually pissed. Like furious. Furious. Like at that point. Yeah. my mother-in-law said that they would leave the wedding if all of their guests weren’t invited to the reception. I was livid. Okay, then don’t come.

Okay. and that, here’s another mother-in-law. One, my mother-in-law treats me so poorly that I have decided to cut her off and my husband doesn’t get it. Ooh. He’s choosing her over you. Then we just said, you know, if you don’t choose the wife over the mother-in-law, then you’re, um,

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. Again. I think that the choice has to be made.

and I will say this, that it sucks because maybe the wife could be in the wrong and the toxic one, you don’t know who in that. You never know. Mm-hmm. Don’t know who the toxic one is. ‘ cause I know of a, the dynamic that I know of the wife is the toxic one, but the wife was chosen because that’s the mother of the children.

that’s the one that is gonna mess with his life more.

Christa Innis: Right. I’ve heard of that too. And that’s

Lisandra Vasquez: but I don’t know ma’am. family’s messy and complicated. But I do think that when it comes to mother-in-laws and like the dealing with the parents, it is on the person whose parents that is to mitigate that boundary.

Christa Innis: I agree.

Lisandra Vasquez: Isn’t on the spouse. Mm-hmm. What, no matter the gender, to make sure that they have, they communicate and have boundaries that are appropriate to keep the health of the relationship, if that is their priority. Right. And make sure your marriage lasts, then that becomes your main family and main promise.

And then you have to then make sure that your family gets it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because I feel like so many of the, discourse or so many of the issues happened behind the scenes where like the, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are talking and like, they confront each other so then like the partner is nowhere to be found.

So then they’re relaying the information to him and he just has to take word for word. And he’s like, who do I believe now? I’m like at a, crossroad here, because she’s telling me one thing. She’s telling me one thing. And so I feel like I see that a lot of times where it’s like the communication then is just like.

It’s not,

Lisandra Vasquez: it’s just a crazy game of telephone, man.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh my gosh. Well that was a crazy story. Thank you so much for coming on and reacting with me. Yeah, man. God, I’m so glad I’m not married. I was say I got really, really lucky. Like, I knew people had issues with their in-laws, but until these start stories started rolling in, I was like, this is insane.

They’re like, no, it’s insane. And I feel like, you know what? I’ll say the, my mom, ‘ cause I have very traditional, mom and in the sense that she’s always wanted me to be married and like the fact that I’m not married is used to be an issue. But then she was like. One time I recently, oh, ’cause I imprinted this in my memory when she was like, I’m proud of you for always knowing when to walk away from a relationship when it no longer suited you or when it no longer served you.

Because I have people in my family who, did get married and then they’re divorcing,or now things, people are estranged and this and that. Like, because it’s a toxic dynamic that they locked themselves into. And she’s like, no, I’m actually, really happy for you that you always chose what was right for you and you are just not settling for a life that doesn’t excite you.

I mean at this point I’m not settling, I’m not like, is somebody that has to add to add to my life

Christa Innis: period. Absolutely. No, I love that. I think it’s just like this, like newer generation too, of like, yes, wedding anniversaries can be, celebratory and stuff, but I don’t look at it as like an accomplishment in the right, in a different, I don’t know.

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but like, people can say like, oh, I’ve been married for 40 years, and like, that’s great, but that doesn’t actually show your relationship. ’cause there’s so many, how many people are married for 40 years and hate each other? Or they’re having two different lives, literally, you know?

And so like, I was never someone, I talk about this, but like, I was never someone that was my, didn’t have kids. I never was like that. I was like, I wanna get married once I’m like established a little bit more in my career. I wanna be in my thirties. Like it’s just,

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. And then, and then we’ll see what comes.

But um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I just feel like that, like so many people in these stories that we hear, it’s like, they just wanna check the boxes. And it’s like, that’s all well and good, but then in 30 years down the line, you’re gonna be happy. Are you gonna enjoy your life?

Lisandra Vasquez: People with the patriarchy, man, people trying to always center that as the main goal in our lives.

and I also think I’ve just had a natural sense of that not being the main focus of my life. Mm-hmm. From the jump. I never, but fantasize about getting married or having kids. And even though I played with baby dolls and all that stuff and I had crushes on all the boys, but like, just never thought that it was just not a natural way for me to be to mm-hmm.

Wanna center my life around men. ‘ cause I think I have such, like, even though patriarchy exists, like I’ve always only looked up at women.

Christa Innis: that were really strong. And so I was like, oh, I wanna be like them.

Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: and none of them were relying on men. and also just by example, all the people that are smartest in my life are women.

Mm. The people that are the most, healthy, extraordinary, in terms of like showing up for their friends, showing up for their families, showing up in their careers, showing up for themselves. they’re all my girlfriends and they’re all like the, my mentors and the people that I look up to. So, I’m cursed with heterosexuality, which sucks, but that is something that I have to deal with.

Yeah. but that, with that being said, that’s why I’m like, oh, it’s no trouble for me to like not have a man in my life because besides that, of course like the heart piece, but I love myself. I have a dog. You know, like we all, like, there’s other ways. I’m okay waiting for that because I have so much love with everyone else in my life.

So when I do meet somebody eventually, it’s not coming from a place that, of a super empty cup that needs to be filled. And I do feel like men don’t have that a lot. Men don’t come from full cups often. some do. There

Christa Innis: are some, well, and that’s why there’s, you know, like the loneliness epidemic where Yeah.

Male loneliness epidemic is. ’cause they’re like, wait, women can’t survive without us. Wait, what they don’t want my money. It’s like, no, we can make our own money.

Lisandra Vasquez: then they also don’t wanna give money now. Yes. What do you bring to the table? I need you to, provide free labor for me, and I also need you to pay half the bills.

Christa Innis: Uhhuh.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. And you need to also have my kids, and you also need to look really good.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s really fun. it makes modern stuff really well, but, but it really does make you appreciate, the great men in our lives because I do know some great men. so whenever it’s like the appreciating it when you see it, even if it’s a friend of mine that’s in a relationship, like I can look and be like, you know what, Hey, there, he exists.

and he is a good man. He is in a good relationship. He treats her well. I almost like hang onto that energy to be like, yeah, that’s the blueprint. That’s, and we like, so it does like, it’s almost like hanging onto the proof of concept and you’re like, so it does exist and there are people that do have good relationships that does, I don’t making sense, but it does, exist.

Oh, for sure. And so that’s why I know that I don’t have to settle for something that’s not that, because that exists.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’ve seen it, like I never had to explain to my husband that my career was important. Never once. Like, he always knew I was that kind of person and I was like, this is the life I live.

Like, he washes dishes probably more than I do. Like he does more of the traditional, you know, I love that. I’ve never had to say like, I don’t know,

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s just, I said a, I said a friend of mine, he just like made a response video to somebody saying that women need to be more traditional. And he goes like, sorry, hot girls are gonna do hot girl shit, man.

Like, what are you gonna do? Like if you wanna hot girl, she’s gonna do hot girl stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So she’s gonna, she’s gonna be out, she’s gonna look good. She’s gonna like go and like, have friends. She’s gonna travel, she’s gonna wanna do this. Like, sorry, if that’s what you want, she’s not gonna be submissive.

Yeah. They don’t think she can be in certain, in certain she can be, submissive in certain aspects for sure. But like, you can’t come on. Yeah. No. A hundred percent. They like want, Sydney Sweeney in the Prairie. You know what I mean? Like, no. Yeah.

Christa Innis: they want the look, they want their, like, list of things, but then they don’t wanna feel emasculated by anything that they do.

Right. So they can’t make more money than them. They can’t have their own hobbies or passions, but then they can sit around on their butt, then they complain.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. And you can’t get more attention than them either.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I used to work for a mom company years ago, and this is before I even had my daughter, but like I was in like the mom groups and stuff, like managing for the moms and whatever, and the number of moms that would say like how their husbands would come home and treat them.

Like they would work these like nine to five jobs and expect they could just come home and put their feet up when they’ve been with the kids all day. And I was like, may that life never fi, I don’t want that. Literally, I think that’s why

Lisandra Vasquez: I don’t have any desire to have kids and be with a family unless it’s right.

I used to work as a nanny a lot, as my part-time job. So like I’ve babysat, I’ve been a personal assistant for like a family assistant, so where I was with kids it very intimately with, other people’s marriage and family dynamics and I’m like, cool, no,

Christa Innis: not for me.

This

Lisandra Vasquez: is

Christa Innis: not, not

Lisandra Vasquez: for me, not for me. there’s so much, yeah. but then there are some that are good, and those, you’re like, oh, that’s the one. They’re like, if it happens may this kind find me not that one.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But the scary thing is not to scare people out there listening, but the scary thing is you don’t know necessarily what kind you’re gonna get until after you have kids.

Until after. Yeah. Like, yeah, you see qualities, like, obviously I married my husband, so I knew what qualities you to have, but you don’t know until the baby comes like, oh, are they gonna whimper out and be like, this is too much for me, or are they gonna step up? Because you don’t know, you don’t always know.

Which is, that’s the gamble of, Yeah. I guess.

Lisandra Vasquez: but also I think that knowing that you have someone that you have a good communication base with. I think always helps because even if they’re tapped out, if you have somebody that is healthy and can know how to work, like identify what’s happening with them and is willing to work on them, because if they do, oh, this is a lot I need to tap out, maybe we can come up with a way that, okay, on Sundays I get to go do this thing for three hours so then I don’t feel like I’m tapped out.

Mm-hmm. And like you’ve come up with a plan, but that’s somebody that’s like healthy and dedicated to the family, but like, Hey, this is, I just need to be really honest. This is over, this is like really rocking my system in a way that I wasn’t expecting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s

Lisandra Vasquez: I feel like that’s why when you choose somebody to be a lifelong partner and then have kids with, that’s a huge deal.

Like looking for those green flags are, I think, are super important. And a lot of the times people push through those and don’t collect that information ’cause they’re like, oh, they’ll be fine. They, you make a lot of assumptions about how you think people would act based on how you would act

In those circumstances and that is so wrong. Yes.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I feel like I could talk about this so forever. I feel, I am so passionate about that kind of stuff, but I feel like I always end like these episodes with like getting on some kind of tangent about something. And I love how like it just turns into it because, because I guess I was telling you before we started recording, it’s like people hear Party Plan by Krista like as my like account name.

And they’re like, oh, she’s a wedding planner. She talks about weddings and I’m like. It’s so much more than that. People, it’s so much more than that.

Lisandra Vasquez: So much more. And there’s so many, there’s so much drama. There’s so much like dynamic, dynamic when it comes to things dynamic. It’s, it’s wild.

Christa Innis: yeah.

Like we really get into like boundaries of like, a lot of the, like the mother-in-law thing can start from the boy mom dynamic. And so like that, where’s that come from? The patriarchy of like, bowing down to like the sun or, you know, that kind of thing. If he’s so much, he’s never done anything wrong and yeah, there’s so many subtopics.

But thank you so much for coming on. I love the Of course. Thank you chatting. Thank for having me. can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content and then anything exciting you’re working on?

Lisandra Vasquez: so I am, on Lisandra v Comedy on all platforms, TikTok, Instagram, even Facebook.

And Blue Sky and the YouTubes, I’m on all of them, the same handle. I have some shows coming up. I don’t know when this is going out, I’ll be in Chicago, New York and Denver, doing some standup comedy, but most of the time I’m performing here in Atlanta. Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Thank you for having me.

by Christa Innis

Book Launch Day + A Wedding Party Meltdown You Won’t Believe

What happens when a bride hates planning her own wedding, but demands a Vegas blowout and expects everyone else to make it magical?

In this episode, I share my biggest milestone yet: the official launch of my debut book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story, plus a jaw-dropping listener-submitted story that defines the word “ungrateful.”

I also break down wedding hot takes, the importance of boundaries, and why saying “no” is sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for others and yourself. Oh, and did we mention the bride cried in the club bathroom three separate times?

Listen to me read a new Ferris & Sloan excerpt, tackle controversial wedding traditions, and respond to one of the wildest bridal party betrayals I’ve ever received.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:40 Podcast Review and Pre-Launch Episode

01:47 Book Reading: Ferris and Sloan Story

06:28 Audiobook and Print Book Updates

08:07 Hot Takes and Relationship Advice

12:53 Crazy Wedding Drama Story

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Book Is Officially Out – After months of teasing, I’m announcing my book launch and revealing what inspired me to turn viral confessions into a physical page-turner.
The Vegas Bachelorette Breakdown – I relive one of the most unforgettable submissions about a bride who ended up crying in the club, and what it revealed about modern wedding expectations.
Why I Wrote This Book – This isn’t just tea. It’s a time capsule of the emotional chaos, family dynamics, and societal pressure that weddings bring out in people.
The Confession Selection Process – I explain how I chose which stories made it into the book, and why some were just too wild (or too heartbreaking) to publish.
From Podcast to Print – How Here Comes the Drama evolved from mic to manuscript—and how my audience helped shape every chapter.
Wedding Culture Needs a Wake-Up Call – I reflect on how the wedding industry has normalized unrealistic standards, and what we can do about it.
The Stories That Stayed With Me – I share the one story I almost couldn’t include—and why it haunts me in the best way.
Advice for the Brides Who Feel the Pressure – A personal reminder for anyone planning a wedding: you’re allowed to say no.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“You know it’s bad when a bride is crying in the middle of a Vegas club—and everyone acts like that’s normal.” – Christa Innis
“This book is for anyone who’s ever felt steamrolled by wedding expectations and still wanted to scream into a napkin.” – Christa Innis
“The stories people submitted? Unhinged. Hilarious. Sometimes horrifying. And all 100% real.” – Christa Innis
“Wedding culture breaks people down in ways we don’t talk about enough—and that’s why I wrote this.” – Christa Innis
“Not every story made it into the book, but the ones that did? They stayed with me. Some of them still do.” – Christa Innis

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Here Comes The Drama. It is officially launch day of my brand new book. Here comes the Drama of Ferris and Sloan story, I’m so excited to share more with you guys and have you officially read the book. starting off, I just wanna say thank you to everyone that has pre-ordered the book already.

If you’ve got an ebook, it will be automatically sent to your device. Um, but today is the official. Sale launch of the printed book, I wanna get to that in a second. First things first, I wanna read a podcast review and just thank you guys for listening. This is from Debbie, 1, 2, 1, 3. It says,

Absolutely love the podcast. I have enjoyed your skits and cannot wait for more Ferris and Sloan. I had to do a Ferris and Sloan review one because this is all about Ferris and Sloan. Now, kind of like the pre-launch episode, we’re gonna do things a little bit differently, but of course I’m going to end on a very juicy, crazy story.

I’ve not read it yet, but it’s one of those long ones with lots of crazy detail. So we will get into that one. But first things first, let’s talk a little bit more about the book. I’m not gonna do a crazy deep dive because we’ve done tons of q and As, but of course I’m always here to answer more questions.

I’m so excited. I can’t believe this day is finally here. I’m recording this a little bit earlier, so of course it still feels very surreal for me. if you’re watching the video, you’ll see this is my printed proof. I. Of course at the time this comes out, I’ll have my actual copy, but it’s so exciting to see.

We’re still making some changes, to it as I record this, but you guys will have the finalized version. I’m gonna read a small segment in it for you guys today too. I’m gonna leave off. Where I did on that last pre-launch episode. just to give you a little more teaser, most of you guys, if you got part one in your email, you might have already read this part, but I’ll add a little, extra while I read here.

Teaser Reading: Ferris, Sloan, and the Vacation Bombshell

So leaving off in part one, where the mom, Kate and Jenny were off basically, and she’s trying to talk her up to kind of get her back into the room with Ferris and Sloan. She just found out they’re going on vacation, so here we go. Great. Jenny gives her a swift thumbs up and gestures for her mother to follow her back into the living room where the others are.

Jenny is the first to step back into her parents’ living room where she spots her brother Ferris at the fridge, grabbing two beers, one for their dad, Ted, and one for himself. The room is warm with the scent of Thanksgiving, leftovers, the muffled hum of conversation drifts into the dining room.

You need more wine babe. Ferris calls out over his shoulder. His voice casual but affectionate. short, faintly golden hair with brown undertones is slightly tussled. A few strands falling into his face as he reaches for the fridge. Slowness curled up on the couch, legs crossed, swirling the last bit of red wine in her glass.

Her long, almost black hair drapes over one shoulder catching the warm glow of Christmas lights. She’s wearing a soft knit sweater Dress. In deep burgundy, paired with thick socks, comfortable yet casually stylish in a way that always seems natural to her. She looks over at him with a small knowing. Smile, Noah, he.

No, I still have some left. Thanks, Sloan. Smirks and turns. Just as she notices Jenny walking back in. Oh hey, is everything okay? Her eyes flicker between Jenny and Kate searching for any signs of what just happened. She knew Kate was upset about the trip, but sometimes it was easier to pretend she doesn’t notice than to invite more drama.

Yeah, sorry about that. Jenny says quickly, my mom thought she ate something bad. Her voice is light, but there’s a flicker of something else beneath it before Sloan can press Jenny shifts gears. So anyway, tell us more about your trip. Where are you guys going?

She walks right up to Sloan and sits down at the chair across from her. Kate reenters the room lingering near the doorway. Arms crossed disd, practically radiating off of her. We’re going to Santa Monica. Sloan replies quietly combing her hair behind her ear. I’ve never been before. Ferris knows I hate the snow, so he planned for a warm vacation to get us outta here.

It was all his idea, so he’ll have more of the details. She looks over at Ferris now seated next to her on the couch, Ferris hands his dad a beer, then takes a sip of his own and leans back. Yeah, I mean, I don’t have too much planned yet, But I thought we’d escape the dreaded Milwaukee winter and soak up some sun for once.

He nodded towards the window where a thick clumps of snow swirl in the wind before reaching over and gently grabbing Sloan’s hand.

Sloan glances down at their intertwined fingers, a soft smile forming as warmth blooms in her chest. But even in the comfort of this moment, she can feel Kate’s disapproval lingering like a heavy cloud that refuses to pass.

That sounds amazing. Jenny jumps in quickly. What do you think, mom? Doesn’t that sound fun? Her voice is too chipper. Eyes flicking towards Kate with the hope that a simple question might smooth over the crack in the room. Ted Schiff, slightly in his chair, has gaze fixed on his wife.

He raises his eyebrows just enough to signal, go easy, try to be happy, but it’s clear he’s bracing himself. after almost 30 years of marriage, he knows her moods, her tells he knows exactly where this could be headed. When Kate answers, yeah, it sounds great. With a snap of sarcasm. Ted Exhales just barely for a split second,

it seems like that might have been the end of it, but then he catches the sudden shift of her expression. She gasps his shoulders stiffen. Here it comes. Maybe we should all go. Her somber mood instantly flips to excitement making her way to the front of the room. Sloan Tenses.

Every instinct screams at her to shut the idea down, but she hesitates. It’s not her place. Kate has always been dismissive of her. Why would this moment be any different? Okay, so one of the top questions you guys ask me is with the audiobook coming, if I’m going to be the voice of the audio book. I’ve talked about this before, but if you can hear my reading while I read it, that is probably why I’m not doing the audio book.

I feel like I overthink every little thing. So even with like edits and stuff, I’m like, oh my gosh, I’m not like a voice actor. It’s so much easier for me to like talk. About something then read off something and I just put so much pressure on myself. by this time I might have more updates on the audiobook, so if you guys are waiting for that, that will be coming out soon.

I will be sharing updates on the audiobook and email as well. But I hope you guys enjoyed that little segment. like I said, if you already, um, read part one because you downloaded it, you’ve already read that, but it’s kind of fun just to hear it in a voice as well. so like I said, if you already pre-ordered the ebook that has been sent to you already, and then you can order the print books today.

And I just ask if you guys. Wanna share any kind of update. if you enjoy the book, share what you’re doing while you read the book, share, a picture of it on your counter, share a video of you opening it up from the mail, whatever that looks like. I would love to see you guys reading the book, posting about it.

then of course, tag me and I would love to reshare it to my page, just the more people that can see the book it would really help me and help the book. So, very excited for it. And of course, if you love the book, please leave a review. That helps so many more people, um, hear about it as well. I know that was all about Ferris and Sloan.

Crazy Wedding Drama Takes

I’m just so excited for the launch, but, Let’s dive into the crazy drama that is this week. So first things first, I’m going to get into some hot takes that you guys sent me The first one says, people should always know that this spouse comes first. The rest can go to hell.

Okay? So I wouldn’t say that. So, Dramatically, I guess. essentially, I agree. I feel like once you choose a spouse and a partner and you are on the same page, they should be your priority. especially, you know, when it comes to planning a wedding or planning an event or relationship boundaries.

Figure them out with your partner first. Then you can allow in other opinions and other people. Otherwise it gets very misconstrued. It gets overwhelming to listen to all these opinions and it’s like, oh, do I listen to my partner or my mom or whatever? You really need to put your partner before everybody.

this says cost of the ring doesn’t matter. It’s the memories attached to it that make it feel special. I a hundred percent agree. I feel like there used to be, and people will probably say this is still a thing, but it used to be, A certain percentage of your rent or your income and they would tell you like you have to spend that on an engagement ring.

And I say throw that out the door. I don’t think that should be a thing anymore. I think it’s really about what’s important for the partner. I’ve seen people do just a very simple ring. I’ve with no jewels on it. I’ve seen people do just a rubber ring. I’ve seen people do a huge diamond on it.

I’ve seen people do a sapphire or other kind of jewels on it. I think it’s really important to listen to yourself because you’re gonna be the one wearing it, and I think so many times we get caught up in what everyone else says you have to wear or have to spend, and that none of that, no matter what anyone says, none of that dictates or says anything about your relationship.

It doesn’t only you guys know what makes sense. I feel like it’s just so easy to get caught up and that’s, that goes for anything when it comes to wedding planning. So, ultimately, I don’t think it matters. Don’t go broke and don’t, go into debt for a wedding ring, essentially. this person says, do they really need bachelor, bachelorette weekends?

I think it’s a waste of money. Okay. So here’s my thing, when it comes to how you spend your money, everyone views things differently, right? So I might buy this shirt and someone might see that and be like, that’s a waste of money. I might upgrade my car. And someone might think that’s a waste of money.

I might hear someone got new tires and I’m like, that’s a waste of money, So it’s like everyone’s gonna have their own viewpoints when it comes to bachelorette bachelor parties, Do. Some of them go very over the top, of course. But would I wanna be on one of those trips? Absolutely. If I could.

be a part of it. Yeah, I would wanna go to it. Are they always needed? No. But if that’s something you value and you’re like, you know what, I wanna really fun trip away with my best guy friends or my best girlfriends, whoever. More power to you. Do it.

Go ahead. Now, where I feel like it might be too much is when you pressure bridesmaids and groomsmen to go on a trip they might not be able to afford. That’s where it gets a little murky. I don’t think that should be a thing. There should never be pressure. If you want it, allow people to say no. we all value different things.

For myself and for my closest group of friends, we were all in each other’s weddings. So for us it was like a girl’s trip away. So I would never look at that as a waste of money. ’cause I’m on vacation with some of my very best friends. So to me it was worth it, well worth it. Now, if someone were to invite me where maybe I didn’t really know the group of friends.

I only knew one person or it was to a place I wouldn’t really wanna go. I would just say no. so again, we all have our own kind of preferences with that. okay. This other one says

overly detailed dress codes with color schemes are unnecessary. yes and no. So I was talking to someone on the podcast recently about this, It’s kind of helpful to know sometimes now where they get very specific, like, everyone needs to wear a garden dress wearing only these three colors.

Yeah. Like, we don’t need to go out and spend more money. if I am going to a wedding, I’m usually gonna look in my closet and find something that already worn, but maybe fits the weather or the kind of location we’re going to. so let’s not ask people to spend more money. However, some people find it very useful if you’re giving them kind of.

A very basic. Idea of what to wear. we are all different. We are all different from what we look for. I think it can be helpful ‘ cause I’m that person googling the location. I’m trying to check out the weather, what other people are wearing there and other pictures like I am that person.

I think probably way too much about it. do I buy a new dress for every wedding? Absolutely not. Most of the time I will find a dress I have or borrow one from a friend. But that being said, I love a good detail to help me along the way. Okay, guys, into the story that you guys are all patiently or not so patiently waiting for.

I know it’s the favorite part. This is a long one, so that’s why I wanna get into it. All names have been changed, of course, and different story things have been moved around to, disguise the person. Right? and I forgot to mention this before, but my voice is scratchy. so this is after pre-launch weekend.

I randomly lost my voice. I don’t know if I was talking too much, probably.so it was completely gone for a few days. There. It’s slowly coming back, so I’m definitely gonna nurse it after this.

All right. Here’s this week’s story submission. This story spans the course of a couple years. Here we go, the Bride Pearl, her fiance, Greg, myself, Amy, my fiance, Steven Pearl’s brother Lars and his fiance Sadie, are all the main players in this drama. Okay. I’m already picturing this as a very detailed story, so here we go.

Pearl and Greg were engaged to be married, I was asked to be one of her bridesmaids. Their engagement was especially long because Pearl was working abroad in Japan for two years. Trying to plan anything with her was a nightmare. She didn’t want to be involved in the process at all. Wait, so the bride didn’t want to be involved in the process.

So at that point, I know I’m jumping the gun, but at that point, why are you doing a big wedding? You don’t need a wedding party. You don’t need to do this big wedding. If you don’t wanna be involved in planning your own wedding, either hire a wedding planner or Don’t do it. You don’t have to do that.

Craziness. she even admitted that she would’ve preferred a simple courthouse wedding, but reluctantly agreed to have a ceremony for Greg’s sake. So her fiance, once Pearl finally returned home, we had about six months until the wedding, so we kicked into planning mode. The only part she really cared about was the bachelorette party.

She Wanted the Vegas Treatment — But We Had to Pay

She’s a big partier. She wanted a big, elaborate weekend in Vegas. Four nights in a hotel, a show every night, a club crawl and a spa day. Okay. So we were kind of just talking about bachelor, bachelorette parties. Right? How they can be over the top. Again, if I was going all my best friends and I wanted to do this, I would go along for it, obviously to support and celebrate my best friend.

But I always find it interesting when they want. The top of the top, all the things like four shows in Vegas, four nights in a hotel, a club crawl, and a spot. Eight. That is expensive. I mean, I haven’t been to Vegas in years, but just quickly add things up. Depending on the weekend, I mean, you’re looking at a few thousand dollars, right?

depending on what everything looks like. Here we go. The issue, the budget, no one she invited had even half the amount of money needed for that kind of trip, and she expected everyone toto cover her costs in full. The maid of honor, Connie did her best to plan something we could all afford, but after weeks of being shut down on every compromise, she passed the baton to another bridesmaid.

So her maid of honor is essentially like, Hey, look, this isn’t gonna work out. Like. No one can afford it. Let’s try this. And she’s like, Nope, you’re not doing a good job. Let’s have another bridesmaid planet. Like what? The final Bachelorette weekend still included a hotel in Vegas, paid for by Pearl’s ant a drag brunch a bar crawl in downtown Vegas.

We did our best with what we had, and it ended up being a fun weekend. Except Pearl Pouted the entire time she cried in the bar bathroom. Not once, not twice, but three times. Now, obviously we don’t know why she’s crying. My guess is it wasn’t to her standard maybe. But here’s the thing. If there’s someone that wants this extra grand thing that no one can afford, she’s never gonna be happy.

You need to find happiness with those around you If I were with my best friends, just having a sleepover at someone’s house, that would be fun to me. I don’t need all these grand things. so this sounds like this person just wanted this huge thing, kept comparing herself. I. On the wedding day, Pearl and Greg were completely standoffish with the bridal party, even though we had bent over backward to accommodate them.

She skipped the original dress rehearsal, then rescheduled for a day when most people weren’t available, only to get mad when half of us couldn’t come. Oh my gosh. Wait, so this is for the dress rehearsal. Wait, so we’re talking about the rehearsal before the wedding. I’m so confused. Okay. On the day of the wedding, we were told for the first time that we’d be decorating the venue.

Blame Party

Oh gosh. With only four hours left before the ceremony and needing to get dressed and take photos. So literally the day after, she’s like, by the way, I need you guys to decorate this whole place for me. here’s the decorations, have fun. And they’re like, wait. We still have to get ready and get all this stuff together.

this is definitely a type B or C bride as you wanna call it. She didn’t wanna do the planning herself, so she left it up to everybody else, and that’s just not fair. Like I said from the beginning, if you are a bride or groom and you do not wanna plan anything, either get a day of coordinator, wedding planner, or don’t have a big wedding.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not fair to your bridal party or wedding party to do this for you. They’re not the ones getting married. They can be there helping and support you, but do not put this on them. Connie and I ended up doing shots in the bridal suite just to cope with the chaos.

Despite all of that, the ceremony went smoothly and guests seemed to have a great time. But afterward, Pearl and Greg told us that we ruined their wedding. What That sparked a long, drawn out, falling out. So they’re putting all the pressure on their wedding party to make it this amazing wedding when literally it’s their wedding.

You cannot blame the wedding party for doing that. ‘ cause as the bride and groom, it is your day. It’s your job to organize everything or find someone that will organize it, not your wedding party. And if that fails, that’s on you. Two months later, Steven and I got engaged. Most of our friends were thrilled for us except Pearl.

She was visibly jealous and made comments like, why is everyone so excited for them? No one was that excited for us, which wasn’t true. And Why is everyone helping with their wedding when no one helped us? Also not true. So she’s doing that victim mentality. She’s thinking her wedding sucked, so you know what?

Everyone’s out to get me. When in reality they all were helping. But she literally said she didn’t want anything to do with the planning the wedding. So she’s putting it all on her friends for how her wedding day turned out.

Things escalated when she found out. We had invited Pamela, someone she had unresolved issues with. I. Pamela is a close friend of Steven’s. I had several conversations with Pearl about it and even offered to make some accommodations, like seating them on opposite sides of the room or ensuring that she was surrounded by friends.

I even offered to uninvite them. She refused to tell me what she needed. So ultimately nothing changed. So that’s the thing. It’s like it’s hard when you have two friends that don’t get along. However, you can’t dictate who someone else invites their wedding, so you can choose yourself like, Hey, I’m not gonna go, but you can’t get mad that they’re still friends with someone.

Obviously, there’s always complicated and different reasons for things, but it’s not your place to tell ’em who to invite. One night at a Bar Pearl Completely drunk, cornered me and interrogated me about why Pamela was invited why I hadn’t made her a bridesmaid. Even though I asked Connie, I got away that night, but the next day we had a five hour text conversation.

Five hours. Oh my gosh. I don’t think I’d have a five hour text conversation with anybody. That sounds exhausting. Why? Oh my gosh. I finally set a boundary and said I wouldn’t talk about it anymore. Pearl and Greg pulled their R Rs VP. I thought that would be the end of it. Can you imagine? That is crazy. So they’re just mad about their own wedding day, not being what they wanted.

Uninvited. Excluded. And Still She Made It About Her.

And because they can’t take the responsibility themselves that you know what? They let it slip through their fingers. They’re gonna blame everybody else. Okay, she says Wrong. Over the next four months, Pearl and Greg excluded Steven and me from events, harassed our mutual friends and gave people ultimatums.

If they attended our wedding, they’d no longer be friends. Can you imagine? Oh my gosh. So it’s like just what I said, how you can only control yourself. You can’t control someone else has at their wedding or where other people want to go. So these just sound like very nasty people to me. The group was exhausted by their drama.

Our entire friend group was split. I was convinced Pearl would show up uninvited to my wedding and just cause a scene, but thankfully she didn’t. After our wedding, Lars and Sadie got engaged. Everyone in the group got an invite except Steven and me. Whoa. I expected that. Considering Lars is Pearl’s brother.

Okay. What I didn’t expect. Was for Pearl and Greg to privately message people asking them not to attend Sadie’s wedding because they were uncomfortable. Wait,

oh my gosh. So they asked people to not attend the wedding. oh my gosh. These people are just miserable. Pearl also made herself the unofficial wedding planner. Wait. Someone that didn’t wanna plan her own wedding was complaining about things and pushing it off on her wedding party. Wants to be the unofficial wedding planner.

Okay. And started making decisions without consulting the couple, for example, she changed the rehearsal dinner from the Mexican restaurant. Lars and City loved to an Italian place just because it offered free wine. No, no, no, no, no, no. The kicker, the reception the next day was also serving Italian food.

but I’m also wondering how do you let someone just change everything? I’m not saying it’s them like their fault, but like when I was planning different things, no one could just call a restaurant, the restaurant and be like. Okay. Random person I haven’t talked to before, like they’d be like, oh, is this the brighter groom?

No. Okay, then sorry, you can’t change it. Plus the Brighter groom is the one that’s like putting together RSVPs or invites to, the rehearsal dinner or texting people. So that’s very interesting that they just kinda like let her make all these changes. She also planned a huge expensive bachelorette weekend when Sadie had just wanted a nice dinner and a video game night.

While we weren’t invited to the wedding itself, Steven and I were invited to the after party. I chose not to go. I had no doubt Pearl would cause a scene. She says, so maybe take some creative license and show what would’ve happened if I had gone. Thanks again. I left out a bunch of little details, but feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

Oh my gosh. It never ceases to amaze me when people just. Can’t take accountability themselves. From the beginning, it sounds like this girl wanted nothing to do with her wedding, and instead of hiring someone to help her, she decided to put it all on her wedding party. Now I’ve seen a lot of weddings and I’ve been a part of a lot of weddings where the wedding party.

Helps put everything together, but that’s been like known from the beginning and it’s a team effort, right? You can’t just be like bride putting your feet up and expecting everyone to do everything around you. You have to be very clear with communication, and it sounds like this girl from the beginning was just unhappy and just wanted to complain about things, so that’s terrible.

Oh my gosh. That was a crazy story. All right guys. Well thanks for hanging out with me today as a reminder. My new book and ignore this, this is my proof right here if you guys are watching the video, but. My new book. Here comes The Drama. A Ferris and Sloan story is out today. if you guys wanna look exactly different places you can find it.

Go to krista ennis.com/book. We’ll also have all the links in the show notes as well, so you can check it out. and of course, don’t forget to tag me at Party Planning by Christa videos, pictures. I wanna see what you’re doing when you read the book. I wanna see you opening up the package. I wanna see you holding the book in front of your face, whatever that looks like.

Tag me and I will be sharing it, um, on my page as well. and of course, leave a review as it helps so many people see the book, hear about the book. and I’m just so excited for you guys to read it. I just, I’m nervous, excited. It’s like putting a baby out into the world.

I’ve worked so hard at it and I’m just so excited for you guys to read it. All right guys. That’s all I have for this week. Um, thanks for tuning in. Bye now.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

Anniversary Giveaway Celebration

Wedding Dilemma Begins: “Am I Being a Bridezilla?”

Bridesmaid Behavior + Bachelorette Budget Chaos

Hair & Makeup Debate

Would You Rather: Wedding Edition

The Mother-in-Law Red Flags

Wedding Week Meltdowns

Post-Wedding Fallout and Boundary Advice

Blog Transcript:

From Wedding Registry to Honeymoon Fund Revolution

Experiences Over Stuff: Why Honeymoons Actually Matter

The Wedding Letdown No One Warns You About

Cash Gifts, Etiquette, and the Fine Line Between Asking and Expecting

Wedding Industry Pressure & FOMO Marketing Gone Wild

Rapid Fire Truths: Honeymoon Planning, Timing, and Money Mistakes

The Wedding Calm Before the Chaos.

Stolen Car Keys, Police Threats, and a Mother-in-Law Meltdown

Choosing Peace Over Chaos (Even When It’s Family)

Blog Transcript:

The Reality TV Chaos Behind the Scenes

Sisterly Showdown at the Bouquet Toss: Wedding Drama You Won’t Believe!

From TikTok Stunts to Bridal Party Boundaries: Wedding Drama Gets Real

Wedding Drama Rapid Fire: From Jealous Bridesmaids to Reality TV Proposals!

A Tale of Jealousy, Selfishness, and Boundaries!

Blog Transcript:

Teacher Turned Advocate

Teacher Balancing Truth & Boundaries

A Diagnosis That Changed Everything

Weddings Would-You-Rather

Bridesmaid Dress Drama

Wedding Party Love Story

The Great Wedding Dinner Debate

First Dance or Skip It?

No Ring, No Bring and the Reality of Guest Lists

Bridesmaid Meets Her Groom’s Family

Maid of Honor Regrets & MIL Drama

Blog Transcript:

I’m Not Wedding-Obsessed But I’ll Be There for You”

Blisters, Secrets, and Surprise Weddings

Locked Doors, Dessert Raids, and a Surprise Guest

Blog Transcript:

Family Drama Starts with “I Do”

Red Flag or Just Wedding Stress?

You’re Just the Mother of His Child

Do It Your Way

Blog Transcript:

From Puerto Rico to Stand-Up Stages

Celebrate Wins or Risk Losing Them

Bridesmaid Hot Takes & Wedding Party Regrets

Red Flags & A Missing Dinner Plate

Passive-Aggressive Wedding Planning

Last Straw & A Weird Hot Tub

Blog Transcript:

Teaser Reading: Ferris, Sloan, and the Vacation Bombshell

Crazy Wedding Drama Takes

She Wanted the Vegas Treatment — But We Had to Pay

Blame Party

Uninvited. Excluded. And Still She Made It About Her.

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