Wedding Feuds, Toxic Family Drama, and The Invisible String with Sarah Wizeman
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever wondered what happens when your wedding is full of chaos and family feuds?
This week on Here Comes The Drama, the wedding chaos reaches next-level insanity! Christa dives into a jaw-dropping story about no-kids wedding rules, a sister’s outrageous demands, and family drama that almost derailed the big day. Then, Christa and Sarah Wizeman break down the wildest wedding confessions from listeners, from toxic in-laws to surprise pregnancy announcements to overzealous sister-in-laws calling off weddings!
Plus, Sarah shares her incredible journey as an author, her book The Invisible String, and her plans for monthly romance and bridal story releases—complete with skits on TikTok and YouTube. This episode is packed with drama, laughs, and insider wedding chaos you won’t want to miss.
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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Sister Drama & Guest List Battles – A no-kids rule sparks chaos when a bride’s sister insists her boyfriend’s daughter be included, leading to ultimatums, family arguments, and threats to skip the wedding entirely.
- Family Feuds & Step-Family Tension – Mom favoritism and step-family dynamics collide, creating heated conflicts over invitations and long-lasting emotional fallout.
- Long-Term Grudges & Wedding Fallout – Even small wedding decisions ripple for years—the bride and her sister barely speak, showing how family drama can outlast the celebration.
- Family Drama & Healing – Sarah opens up about her own wedding, her dad’s no-contact stance, and finding peace with supportive loved ones.
- The Invisible String Books – Discussion of Sarah’s two books, detailing connections, romance, and how her wedding experiences inspired storytelling.
- Skits That Educate – How Sarah turns real-life wedding chaos into relatable skits that teach communication and reflection.
- Wedding Proposal & Pregnancy Drama – Evaluating awkward and potentially disruptive moments at weddings, and how to handle them with grace.
- Vendor Chaos Stories – Tales of photographers and other vendors nearly derailing weddings, and how couples navigated it.
- Upcoming Projects & Skits – Sarah teases her monthly book releases, including a Hallmark-style Christmas tree farm story.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “People show their true colors in weddings—and it’s wild what comes out when the pressure’s on.” –Christa Innis
- “Sometimes the drama reveals who really has your back—and who doesn’t.” –Christa Innis
- “Watching chaos unfold in real life makes you rethink your own behavior too.” – Christa Innis
- “I never knew mothers-in-law could try to cancel weddings… until I heard it firsthand.” – Christa Innis
- “The right skit can turn drama into a lesson everyone remembers.” – Christa Innis
- “By sharing my story, I realized I’m not alone—and neither is anyone else going through it.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Wedding drama forced me to be grateful for the people who really showed up for me.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Turning these moments into skits helps others reflect and even heal their own relationships.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Communication is always the best. I tried reaching out, even when it didn’t work, because it’s worth it.” – Sarah Wizeman
- “Even without the perfect wedding, I found the perfect people around me who mattered most.” – Sarah Wizeman
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Sarah
Sarah Wizeman is the queen of TikTok wedding stories, from unhinged skits to “did-that-really-happen?” confessionals — and she is truly one of the most personable humans on the internet. She’s also an author (yes, a full-on romantic comedy writer!), and I’ve linked her books below because you’re absolutely going to want more of her after this episode. We had an absolute blast chatting, and she even shared her own jaw-dropping wedding drama that left me stunned — plus we dove into some wild listener submissions that took the chaos to a whole new level.
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Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and this is gonna be a short introduction because I’m starting to lose my voice. Um, it was a little raspy in the beginning, but I had so much fun talking with my guest today. Sarah Wizeman, she’s all of TikTok sharing different wedding stories, skits, and I just love chatting with her.
She’s so personable and she’s actually an author as well. She wrote a romantic comedy too, in fact. Um, so I have the links to those below, but we just had so much fun chatting and she shares her own wedding drama story that will have you completely shocked, um, in addition to our other wedding story submissions that we read.
So without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode with Sarah Wizeman.
Hi, Sarah.
Sarah Wizeman: Hi Christa.
Christa Innis: Thank you so much for coming on. I know we’ve been like chatting before recording, but I’m just so excited to finally meet you. I think I was telling you, so many people had tagged you in my comment saying, ‘you need to have Sarah Wizeman on the show. I love her stories.’ And so I thought, what better way to connect and have you on?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh my goodness. How exciting. I know I love you and your skits. Oh my gosh. And we are like, so f familiar or similar, with the wedding stuff, so I’m so honored to be on your podcast, so thank you for having me.
Christa Innis: Of course. No, I, love like watching skits and like, obviously like that’s how I kind of got into it too.
We were just talking about how we love telling stories and. Even before like making skits, like if I was telling someone a story, I was like such a detail person. Or maybe the details didn’t matter, but I’d be like, the sky was blue and that girl was wearing a pink shirt. And then like people would be like, okay, get to the point.
But like, it’s just part of storytelling. I feel like that’s how you are too.
Sarah Wizeman: Yep, exactly. I’m like every, and then there’s this detail, oh wait, I have to back up. And there’s more details that I forgot about. So let me do that real quick.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So how did you start doing this like skit kind of content?
Like how did you start getting into it? What was your first skit, all that good stuff?
Sarah Wizeman: Well, I started off in TikTok, you know, with the TikTok dances and just having fun with that. I was trying to like, leave my job to be like, become a content creator and an author, ’cause I really loved to write and I’ve always loved to write.
And so, February, 2024, I published my first book, the Invisible Spring. and I was trying really hard to promote it and get it out there. It’s about like how my husband and I have always like, been intertwined with each other. So I was like, let’s try to get it out there.
I didn’t do schizo at first. At first, I was just kind of like reading passages from it and doing little bits here and there. And then I started to do a little bit of, Skits, quote unquote, like where I would just kind of like talk back and forth, not really get full on into the acting. And then one day I got kind of overwhelmed with everything and I was also planning my wedding
I decided, to have a child-free wedding. And, we had someone, like talk to us about how they went to a child-free wedding and they said that they had a wonderful time, but she said that, the bride at that wedding was getting a lot of complaints, from people because they were like, I wanna bring my children.
And so I was like. It would be really fun to just like, let loose and do a skit about this. So I did a skit about a child free wedding, and then it like just took off like the drama of it. Like one lady’s like, ‘I’m gonna bring my children anyway.’ Like I threw that in there and then that one just took off and I’m like, okay.
And then I started to do ones with like bridesmaids and like a couple going on their honeymoon and just like big plot twists, like where it was just like, what just happened? And then it just took off from there. And I’ve been doing skits ever since.
Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s like the skit content is so interesting because like it allows people to like see it from an outside perspective.
And at first I was like, when I did it, I was like, am I creating like more I dunno, anger or whatever. But then like, I’ve gotten so many messages from people being like, no, you’ve helped me like address the situation or you’ve helped me learn how to talk to my mother-in-law. And I’m like, oh, okay.
I’m glad it’s doing something. But it’s interesting that you say that your first one was about a child free wedding. ’cause I think mine was too, it’s such a controversial topic.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes.
Christa Innis: And I’ve never like understood why people get so up in arms about it, even as a mom of a toddler Now, if my husband and I were get, were to get an invite, I would not be offended.
And if they were like child free, I’d be like, I girl, I get it. It’s fine. I know you don’t want my toddler running around grabbing everything. Things are breakable. I understand. Yes. So I don’t get where people get offended by it.
Sarah Wizeman: I agree. It was more for, like, for me, the reason why I chose a child free wedding was just like the safety of it.
Like we were an outside wedding. There was gonna be like an open bar there too. And I didn’t want like the kids to, get into any trouble per se, I guess. Mm-hmm. and I also wanted, like, my friends always kept saying like, I just need a night off. I just like, would love to just drop my kids off at grandma’s and just go party with you.
And then I was like, is if that’s really what you want.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: I’m that’s exactly what I’ll do.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s the thing too. It’s like knowing your friends and family, like who you’re inviting. Because that was the same for me. Like, I was one of the last ones to have kids out of my friend group.
They all had kids and they I knew they were the kinds that were like, no, we’re getting a babysitter, we’re gonna have grandma and grandpa watch them or whatever that was. that’s how like all of our friends and family did weddings. Like Yeah. We had like immediate. Like nieces and nephews at the wedding or you had like immediate cousins kids at the wedding.
But most weddings I’d been to, it wasn’t just a free for all, like huge families. And that’s, I dunno, here and there maybe, but like for the most part I didn’t see that. So I just was like, for us, we did like nieces and nephews only and so we have seven at the time. I’m trying to think. Yeah, seven nieces and nephews.
And so I invited all of them ‘ cause they were like a part of the wedding and then I left it up to the parents. Like my sister didn’t bring her twins ’cause she was like, it’s just they won’t have fun. They’ll be fine out. But I left it up to, the parents. But other than that I was like, yeah, we’re gonna do 21 and older.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I think that is like becoming more of a trend lately to do it that way. And also I’ve seen where like the kids are there for the ceremony and then they go home or they, the couple like, has like a babysitter watch them during the reception part of it too. So I see, I see that happening more frequently as well.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that idea. I’ve been hearing that more and more about like, venues that have like another room where you can get like a babysitter and put like toys and stuff. Mm-hmm. I think if I knew, um, like, like friends of mine or something, were having a hard time with a babysitter, I think I would, I’ve tried something like that, or if my venue could have done that.
Mm-hmm. But again, it was like, I feel like it’s also like how you, I don’t know how you handled the situation too, because I think a lot of it, and I’m, I’m sure like the skit you did too, it’s like the entitlement of like, well I’m gonna bring my kids anyway ’cause it’s wild. I personally didn’t have to deal with that, but those stories happen all the time where people are like, I don’t care if it says no kids.
This is my child. I’m bringing them. And like, I’d be mortified to bring my child where she doesn’t belong necessarily. Right?
Sarah Wizeman: You are absolutely right. It’s not, it’s not the actual like, no kids’ rule. It’s the entitlement. It’s like these people that think that they can just do whatever they want and not,
Christa Innis: oh, I think I’m losing you.
Sarah Wizeman: You can bring your child if it’s, if it’s, if it’s really that
Christa Innis: important to you. I think I lost you for a second. Oh, I don’t know if it’s my internet. Let me check. It says my Internet’s unstable. I don’t know. Okay. Oh, it seems okay now. It again. I can switch like my hotspot or something. Okay. It’s like written weird, but anyway.
Um, okay, so we were talking about, um, yeah, it’s more of the entitlement, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. So it’s more of the entitlement. Like if you were to message me and say like, Hey, I really need to bring my infant, like, or I really need to bring my child, um, or else I won’t be able to come, I would probably be that person to be like, okay, like I understand like you have these needs, but like people who just are like.
I’m just gonna show up with my child because I don’t care. I’m gonna do what I want. That’s like, that’s off. I, uh, that bugs me. That grinds my gears.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it goes both ways too because, um, I’ve heard of also stories where like, let’s say the bride and groom says child free wedding, and then someone in the wedding or a guest says, well, I can’t make it then, but best wishes.
Like, they’re so respectful about it. And then the bride and groom get mad and I’m like, you can’t get mad if someone can’t still get a babysitter. So that’s also the entitlement of the bride and groom feeling like the world should just, should stop for their wedding day. And it’s like if you can’t get a babysitter and they politely decline, still send a gift or you know, whatever, you need to accept that and that’s gonna be okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. Like you said, I see it on both sides and the bride and groom have to realize that everybody else has lies. Their wedding isn’t like the center of everyone’s attention,
Christa Innis: so. Yeah, I know. Um, so what do you think like. So you said that kind of blew up that first skit? Yes. So then do you get people sending you in stories or do you kind of just think of things you’ve seen or what kind of has mostly inspired the stories you do?
Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I do get people who do try to message me stories. Um, I’ve done a couple of those, but I don’t do them often. Um, just because, um, just because like I feel like I would really have to like hop on a phone call with them sometimes and like really get like the actual details. ’cause I’m like, I did that one, I did the first one that was sent in to me.
And I’m like, but she didn’t tell me exactly how this happened. How do I interpret this? I hope I don’t interpret it wrong kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I, so I’ve done that a couple times, but mostly it’s just me, like having inspiration from like, what people have said to me. Um, sometimes I go on Reddit and get ideas from Reddit.
Like I, I’ll take like a Reddit thread. And, um, they’ll, they’ll say like, what happened? And then I’m like, wow, that’s crazy. But like, what could make this even more crazier? Like, what could be even a bigger plot twist than that? So I’ll take like, inspiration from those types of things.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. It’s funny you say that about like, when people send you in stories. I, there was a wild story one time, I’m trying to think which one it was. I think it was the one where either it was like a surprise wedding for the bride, like the groom and the bride’s mom planned the wedding. Yeah. And she was like, it was like scary, like, honestly, like how weird it went. But all these people are commenting like, there’s no way this happened.
This couldn’t have happened. And someone literally commented like, do you fact check this? And I’m like, what do you want me, how do you want me to fact check? Do you want me to call all their family members? And I was like, I was like, you can take everything I feel like on the internet with a grain of assault.
Right? So like, I get a, I get a story sent to me and I always say. Like, either I come up with it myself or it’s inspired by a story. Mm-hmm. And I’m like, I’ll just take parts of it and I mix it all up. You know, I put it in a B blender and I mix it. ’cause I’m like, I only get part of the story. And even if I get a really detailed story, I’m only getting it for one perspective.
Um, yes. As I don’t agree with the person that send it to me either, which is really awkward.
Sarah Wizeman: That that’s, that’s very awkward.
Christa Innis: I know what you mean though, because I’m like, yeah, because a, a couple of podcast episodes actually, um, we’ll see when we get to ours, but I’ve read the story with the person and we’re both like, oh no, this, this person’s like in the wrong.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh no. Yeah.
Christa Innis: And then you have to kind of figure out how to like, twist it and show like both sides and Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, no, I, yep. That’s kind of also one of the reasons why I don’t do a lot of people who send me stories, um, is because like if I do end up changing it and like it offends them because I don’t agree with it, then I don’t even wanna get into like that or like, you know, like offending them in any way I guess.
So yeah, I was just.
Christa Innis: This is unbiased. I’m just taking what I can see. Yes, exactly. Like around like if a bride sent it to me, I might make it from the groom’s perspective and mix. Oh yeah.
Stepmother Sabotage, Wedding Day Chaos, and Family Loyalty
Um, okay. Do you have any wild stories of your own? Like either something you’ve seen or heard or something that maybe you’ve made into a skit? I don’t know, but yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, yes, I have my own story that is based on my own wedding. Um. And it’s a little bit of a long one, but basically, um, what happened was my dad didn’t show up to my wedding. Okay. Yeah. So, um, we’ll go back to when I got engaged. Um, so, um, I got engaged in August of 2023, and then right after that my father announced to us that he, um, uh, was diagnosed with cancer.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: And, um, at that point, uh, he announced that in October, I’m, I think it was so August? Yeah, it was a co it was like a month after month and a half after. So in October he announced by this time, um, I had been with my fiance for a long period of time before that, so we kind of already had like what we wanted to do with a wedding.
So our plan was to go on a destination wedding, like a cruise wedding to Bermuda. Like, we had our heart set on it. All of our friends were on board. Um, and so we sent out the invitations. He got diagnosed. Um, he was, he was still excited about it. Um, he was a little nervous ’cause he doesn’t like to travel very much, but he was still excited.
Uh, one day I get to the, um, to their house and, um, we previously had a cruise plan, but we had to cancel it because my dad’s job and, um, my stepmom, uh, we’ll call her El, um, she commented to me, she’s like, oh, you’re going to Bermuda for your wedding. I really wish we could go back to Alaska. Um, like the other cruise was planned for. And I was like, oh, um, yeah, but this is what, uh, Bernard, uh, my fiance, well now my husband and I really want. And, um, and then that was just, I like, kept that in my mind. I’m like, oh, that’s weird.
A couple months go by. We needed to finalize the bookings for the cruise. And all of a sudden my dad calls me up and says that he’s not going to be able to make it to the wedding.
And I’m like, I need my dad there for my wedding. I need my father to walk me down the aisle. Yeah. And um, so my husband or my fiance at the time, husband now, I’ll just call him my husband from now on out. Yeah. But, um, he and I decided we were gonna cancel the cruise and we were gonna do an at-home wedding and we were gonna use the cruise as like our, um, honeymoon.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So when your dad first said, I’m not gonna the wedding, what was his reasoning? Was it ’cause of the cancer? Was this like he just didn’t wanna trouble or what?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, at first he said like, you know, um, I, this cancer is taking a lot outta me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I can’t travel ’cause of my immune system. That’s why I was like, we need to cancel it. It’s not my dad’s fault that he can’t make it. You know, I, I want my dad there. Mm-hmm. And so, um, we canceled it and we began planning, um, back home.
Uh, fast forward to like, a couple months before my wedding, so this was May of 2024. And my stepmom, my dad and I and my sister were out for ice cream to celebrate my birthday. And she, my stepmother stands up and is like, I have an announcement to make, or we have an announcement to make and we’re like, oh, what’s going on? We’re going on a cruise.
Christa Innis: Stop it.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I’m my sister. Immediately, sna like, breaks her neck, looks at me and is like. What, like, like looking at me to make sure I’m okay.
I held my composure and I just like nodded and I was like, oh, hmm. And like they explained what the cruise was about. My dad was like looking down the entire time like he knew not even like, wanting to talk. Yeah.
Christa Innis: He knew she must stop.
Sarah Wizeman: So I just like that really hurt. I let it go.
Christa Innis: Other things started. Sorry to cut in, do you?
No, that’s okay. Think, um, when she made that like kind of snide comment about I wish we were gonna Alaska, they went home that night and she’s like, I can’t believe they’re going on a cruise. We need to go on our cruise first. Or like, made some kind of comment.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, she probably could have, I’m not gonna say like, I definitely think she did that or what, but she is the type of person, she’s the type of person to do that, unfortunately. Which it’s really sad, but Yes. Went along. So, yeah, my dad does not have a backbone around her at all. Like, oh, and when he and her got married, uh, there was some issues way back then. There was some issues with us too. We like, kind of fell, fell, fell back, um, because he married her so fast, like within two months of knowing each other.
Oh, wow.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That’s a whole another story.
Oh, girl. Wow.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah. So, um, there were some issues with that. And so, um, like during that time, I was young at that time I was in my early twenties. Maybe I was even 19 at the time, but I was like, I’m not gonna deal with this. And I moved out and, um. Over the years, we got our relationship back and going again.
And, um, I started to have more of a better relationship with Elle, my stepmom and feeling that, um, and then it came to my wedding and then this stuff started happening. And so yes, it does make me question whether or not she would, she would do something like that. She is very capable of doing that.
Christa Innis: And when was their crew supposed to be scheduled?
Sarah Wizeman: like, yeah, like later. Like around the same time or like a little bit later than our maybe. Oh, ours was in, uh, like late September, early October. I wanna say it was like around then or like November. Okay. So it was around the same time.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Did you take everything in you in that moment to not say something?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah. And I’m like. I like, couldn’t process it at that time. Like when she told me. ’cause I’m like thinking like, what’s the next, like what’s the, um, like what’s the big announcement? Because she just before that said that she had like a little announcement and she said that she got a new job when we were at the ice cream place.
And then, um, it was actually, um, at that time where my sister said something like, oh, hey Sarah, just, um, like her skits are doing really great on TikTok. She has like 50,000 followers. And like my dad was like, what? Like, that’s crazy. And then that’s when she was like, I have an announcement to make. And she like, cut in.
And so
Christa Innis: You have your moment?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like she’s the type of person that just needs like the attention on her all the time. It’s, it’s very frustrating. Um, like to skip forward a little bit. Like other things started happening after that. Like my dad was retiring from his job. They hosted like a surprise retirement party.
He got wind that I was gonna be there, and that caused a huge, a huge argument because he’s like, L wasn’t invited and you are, do you know how that would make it look? I’m like, dad, I’m your biological daughter. And like, I’m like, and it was a retirement party. He and uninvited me from his retirement party. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So is he hosting it or is it his work hosting it?
Sarah Wizeman: It’s at his work. So he was like, um, he like worked for, um, like a big highway department. Um, like, you know, they paved roads and stuff and so they always like threw retirement parties there and they invited the family. And, um, we found out later what actually happened.
We found out that, um, Elle was invited, but she didn’t wanna go because she had, um, my, with my dad’s secretary, um, she worked with her previously and, um, they did not get along, so, oh, I wonder why.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Sarah Wizeman: So she didn’t wanna go.She was mad.
Christa Innis: So she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t invited, didn’t want to go.
And because of that, they didn’t want you guys going either.
Sarah Wizeman: Right. My dad was like, I can’t let you go because it’ll look bad. And I’m like, how is it gonna look bad? I’m not like another woman. I’m your daughter. Like, you know, like, I’m not the other woman or something like that. I’m your daughter. So, yeah, so, so this all happened, so that happened a month, uh, almost two months before my wedding.
And so I. I’m like, you know, like I always usually let things side, but that really hurt. So me and him had a talk. I called him up two days after that happened and I was like, now that you’ve had time to process everything, like what you did was wrong, that was wrong. I told him like how I felt and then that’s when I brought up like wedding stuff.
Like she’s acting this way, dad, is she not gonna let you take pictures with me? Because she’s not in them like, what’s gonna happen at the wedding? I started to bring that up and he’s like, it should be fine, and all this other stuff. I’m like, it should be fine. No, it’s going to be fine, because nothing is maliciously like happening here.
I don’t have malicious intent. I’m not trying to cut her out. Meanwhile, I invited all of her friends to come to the wedding because she is so like, jealous of my mom. And by the way, my mom is, um, has dementia and doesn’t even like know what day it is. Like, so she’s, she, her personality is there, but like she doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand like really like what is going on.
So she would never try to make anybody feel uncomfortable. Yeah. She just like cracks jokes and stuff ’cause you know, of the dementia. So, but my, but my stepmom still has, um, a lot of like, jealousy towards, um, towards my mother and other people.
Christa Innis: Wow.
Sarah Wizeman: So like, that’s why I got into it with him. ’cause I was like, if this is gonna happen at my wedding, like we need to like nip this in the bud right away.
Yeah. So, he, so we, we were good. Like my, my rest of my family, his own brothers were like, I can’t believe he uninvited you. Like, this is crazy. Um, so fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. Um, I hadn’t really heard much from Elle or my dad, um, before then. I did text Elle like a couple weeks before the wedding asking her what song she wanted to like walk out to.
And um, she like, you’re gonna never walk down in part of the ceremony or like, um, like, um, in the reception when they’re like, and the father of the bride and the stepmother, like, I asked, I wanted to include her. I wanted her to like, um, pick the song and like, I wanted her to be included in that process.
So, um, she picked her song and then fast forward to the rehearsal, um, I’m setting up. Everything’s, everything’s like chaotic. My dad and El get there. I asked him to bring the generator like a couple days before and, um, I, I forgot this part, but on the phone when I asked him that, he like, forgot that my wedding was that weekend.
Christa Innis: Yeah, like for what?
Sarah Wizeman: Uh, like I was like, can I borrow the generator? Um, because I need it to power. Um, I think it was like the DJ booth or something. And, uh, he was like, oh yeah, I’m not, I’m not busy this weekend. I can get it over to you. And I’m like, of course you’re not busy this weekend. It’s my wedding.
He’s like, oh, oh yeah. And I’m like, okay. That was weird. Um, so that happened. Then the rehearsal, he comes in with the generator with Elle. I’m like, hi dad. Hi Elle. They like, are stone cold, like don’t even move a muscle in their face. And they’re just like this the whole time.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Like just mad, just like something, I don’t know.
At that point I didn’t know. And so I’m like, oh, thank you for bringing the generator. Um, can you put it over there? And then they walked away and then like people could tell that what happened. And so they came up to me and they’re like, are you okay? Like, what just happened there? And I’m like, I don’t know.
I don’t have time to deal with that right now. I have so many things to set up. So, um, I, I set up stuff. Um, things are, um, like we eat and then we decide to do the actual rehearsal. ’cause we, we rented like a property from our friends, like overlooking a lake. So like, we just had our own timeline. So we just like set up a tent.
We had like dinner and then we did like whatever the rehearsal. So we’re getting ready to go, like walk down the aisle and practice all of that. And, um, I’m like ready to start walking down the aisle and then all of a sudden I’m like looking and my dad’s like nowhere to be found. And then I like turn and look and he’s way back there, like across like the tent. He’s just sitting with Elle by themselves. And I’m like, are you gonna walk me down the aisle? And he like, was like, yeah, yeah. And he like runs up, walks me down the aisle and then we practice it again. Um, he’s like very hesitant to come stand next to me. And when I asked him to stand like near like the rest of the bridal party, my mom was there as well.
He like said no and like ran back down the other end of the aisle to stand next to Elle.
Christa Innis: So like he’s scared of being like within six inches of your mom?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. So, um, so it sounds like him and Ella been married for a while or together for a while now at this point. Yeah. So it’s not like, it’s like some new like fling and your mom and him, like just, you know, like, why can’t you just be like adults?
Sarah Wizeman: Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah. No, they were married for, at this point, 12 years. So they had, yeah, plenty of, I don’t know, plenty of time together. Yeah. I’m just, yeah, it just, every time I, like, every time I tell this story, I’m just like, yeah, I know. I’m like, yeah, I know. It’s cool. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Um, but um, so that happens.
I finally like, um, we wrap it up. And, um, I’m just like overwhelmed by like, what’s going on? I’m like, I don’t feel good about this. Like, I don’t feel good. My dad, like the photographer was there ’cause she wanted to practice and she came up to me and she’s like, just to let you know, you like, you need to work on your smile, like to walk down the aisle.
’cause look at these photos, you look miserable. And my dad’s in the photo and he’s like, like, so like not enjoying his time. And I’m like, oh my gosh, you’re so right. Um, so I start packing things up, um, l and my dad LB lines it to the car. My dad comes up to me and he’s like, ‘when is l supposed to be walking down the aisle?’
And I’m like, uh, she’s not dad. We just practiced it. If she was walking down the aisle, we would’ve practiced her walking down the aisle.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: And he’s like. Oh, well, um, I thought she would be walking down the aisle or something to that effect. And before I could answer, my uncle, his own brother came up and my dad turned and saw him, and then he was like, well, anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.
And then he like, oh, before I did that, I gave him a gift. Like I was like, this is for Elle and this is for you. I just got like a little plaque for her that said thank you for being my stepmom. And for him I like had like a little t-shirt made that said Father of the bride, and I gave them, or I gave him the gift to give to her in the car.
And then my uncle comes up and then he walks away. And then…
Christa Innis: Say the same thing in front of his brother?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Weird.
Sarah Wizeman: And my uncle, whose name’s Matt, he came up to me and he’s like. Did I hear that correctly? And I was like, what? That L’s supposed to be walking down the aisle? And he’s like, yeah. And I was like, yep, you sure did.
And he’s like, that’s a bit ridiculous. And I’m like, I know. And then, um, and he’s like, you gave her a gift and she didn’t even come up to you and accept it herself? And I was like, yeah, I guess you’re right about that. Like, you know, I’m like, I’m, I’m like my mind’s a million times right now. Like everything I have to still do for the wedding, this happening.
Like all of like, what’s like going off, so.
Christa Innis: Okay. So, yeah. So what wedding do you go to where the stepmom, let alone, even like, the moms don’t typically walk down the aisle, so why get so up in arms, like offended by that?
Sarah Wizeman: That’s Yeah, I know. It’s, it, it was mind blowing to me. Like, I’m like, what? So, um, so yeah, so fast forward to that night.
We get back, we stayed at a, like a lake house to get ready. Um, so we spent the night there. Me and my bridesmaids, my bridesmaids all had like an intervention with me that night. They like, were like, Sarah, you need to stand up for yourself. Like, you need to stop just like letting things go. Tomorrow is your wedding day.
Do you wanna be miserable walking down the aisle? And I was like, no. And he’s, and they were all like, it’s so unacceptable the way your dad and Al treated you tonight. Like, um, like, it’s not you. It’s them. Like, they were like trying to convince me that I wasn’t crazy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. So, um, we made the decision together to not have my dad walk me down the aisle and I was gonna have my Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.
Okay. Um, and my uncle Matt has been there for me. Like, he’s like my dad. Like he, my, I wish my dad was like Uncle Matt. Mm-hmm. He doesn’t have any kids of his own. And him and I have like this bond that has just been like so strong since I was born. And so he’s like the ones that, he was the one when like, my dad wouldn’t be able to show up to my sporting events.
Like, he was always there. Um, I owned a food truck for like five years and he showed up to every single food truck event that I did. Um, so he was, he’s really like, you know, the best person ever. Yeah. And we almost lost him to COVID a couple years before and I didn’t think that he was gonna make it. And so I was like.
You know what? He’s here, he is like a miracle. And you know what? I’m gonna have him walk me down the aisle because I think that’s like what, like what is like, like what God is telling me to do at this point. Like mm-hmm. I think this is like what fate is, like this is fate. Mm-hmm. So the next morning, um, we have to go and quickly set up like the little place cards and stuff.
And my bridesmaid, um, her name in my book about this is Taylor, but she’s my best friend and she, her name’s Amanda. She, um, I. She absolutely was like, I will talk to, or I will send a text message to your dad so you don’t have to worry about it. Whoa. Yeah. So she writes, she writes up a text message, um, and then she’s like, does this sound good?
And I was like, yeah. So she basically said like, Hey, she pretended to be me in the text message. She was like, Hey, um, I just wanna let you know I love you, dad. This is like nothing personal against you. I love you so much. But, um, unfortunately with everything that happened yesterday, I’ve decided to, um, make the decision to have Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.
Um, I just, I forget what exactly else was in that note or in that message, but basically it was like, I love you and, um, I still want you there, and, uh, I just am doing this so that I can have a great day tomorrow. So she crafts up that message and we send it to together. And then I’m in the chair getting my hair done and my dad calls me and he is calling me.
Or he, he, he or I say hello. And he’s like, what do you mean? And I’m like, yeah, dad. I just, what happened yesterday? Like I can’t, I can’t be in that same mindset for my wedding. This is supposed to be the best day of my life. And that definitely didn’t feel like it yesterday. And so he just went off. He was like, well, the reason that I was me and Elle were like that yesterday is because we found out that you and your sister hate Elle.
And I was like, what? What? And then lo and behold, um, her biological daughter, Elle’s biological daughter, who was my stepsister, um, she. Got into, um, an argument with Elle and she told Elle that she’s self-centered, always has to have the attention on her. She like, basically like called her out on everything and then said, everybody wants your toxic behavior to change, including Sarah and Katie, who’s my sister, my biological sister.
And so they heard that and they like took it to the next level and said like, oh, you hate, like, you guys hate.
Christa Innis: That’s so well ’cause it’s like if someone, if someone heard that like out of nowhere mm-hmm. Don’t you think they’d be like, be like, I need to talk to them, or like, I need to like look forward or something.
Not like, be like, well we heard you hate her, so we’re just not gonna show up and we’re gonna glare at you the whole time. Like Right. It seems so like juvenile to me, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yes. Yes. And, um, at, at that point. I, I realized when they said that, I’m like, that’s why the last couple of months have been weird. And also they have like barely reached out to me.
So I’m like, oh, okay. Um, so then the whole phone call is just him yelling at me and him like bringing up like everything from the past, like, just like saying like basically how much of a bad person I am. It was just, that was so, that was crazy. Wow. Yeah. And just like listening to my dad, like taking stories out of hindsight and then like reversing them and basically creating lies.
It was just, that was like sitting there on your wedding day, like listening to this. My like, bridesmaids were all in front of me with me on speaker phone talking to ’em and they were like, like that. Oh. And then, um, Elle gets on her phone,
Christa Innis: She probably has on her phone. She gets on the phone?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. She gets on the phone ’cause he’s like, I think you should talk to her. And then…
Christa Innis: On your wedding day?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, this is me. I’m getting my hair done. The poor hairstylist is in the back. Like, like trying to play, like trying to be cool. I like had to apologize to her a million times. I felt so bad. I’m like, oh my gosh. Um, and so Elle gets on the phone and she starts yelling at me and, and saying like, oh, I heard what I heard.
And then I’m like, okay, uh, it’s not true. Like, I’ve never said that I hated you. You and I both know we’ve had our difficulties in the past, meaning like when they first got married and I like moved out ’cause I couldn’t deal with it. Um, you know, and I, you and I both had our difficulties in the past, but I thought like, we like resolved that kind of thing.
And so, um, so yeah, I just, I kind of told her that and then she like went off on me some more and then my bridesmaid, Amanda came up. And was like, Sarah, you are not dealing with this anymore on your wedding day. And she grabs the phone from me and she goes in the other room and she says, you can hear her saying Elle, hello, Elle.
And Elle’s still talking like she can’t hear.
Christa Innis: So she’s just going off.
Sarah Wizeman: She’s just going off. Yeah. And she finally, you hear Amanda go up and then like silence. And then she’s like, Sarah’s gonna walk down the aisle with Matt. If you have a problem with it, then too bad you can show up or don’t show up. I don’t care.
And then like you hear Elle hang up and then Oh, and then you hear, you hear Amanda just like, that’s right bitch. And then she’s like, and she’s like, um, she’s so funny. She’s just like, yeah, and that’s what I thought or whatever. And then I’m sitting there like shaking. ’cause I’m like, what just happened?
And so, um, all of my sister’s crying. All of my bridesmaids are like, like, I’m like, so feeling so bad for my bridesmaids too. ’cause I’m like, they, they could probably come from normal families. Like, you know, they’ve never seen this, like in my mind at that time. I’m like, oh my gosh. So, um. He ended up not showing up.
He texted him and my, uh, husband Bernard are, were very close. Like, um, he, they would do stuff together all the time. And he texted Bernard before our wedding and said, Hey, I’m sorry I can’t make it. And Bernard thought it was a joke. So like, when we’re doing our first look, but.
Christa Innis: He doesn’t know what’s going on.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. He doesn’t know what’s going on. Oh my. And so Bernard is like, I got like, your dad is like really bad at dad jokes. Like, and I’m like, oh no, that’s not a joke. And then he was like, what? And I’m like, yeah. He’s not coming. He’s, he’s not coming. And, um, he didn’t show up. And, um, none of her, like friends, like I had a whole table not show up because all of, she like told all of her friends not to show up to the wedding.
Her friend, her best friend’s son was our dj. Um, and he showed up. But, but because he knows l and he came up to me and he is like, I’m really sorry what you went through. My mom told me what happened. And um, she told me a little, he, she’s, he’s like telling the story of way that she heard it, which was not accurate, but he’s like, I know that that wasn’t it.
’cause uh, he’s like, Elle did the same thing at my wedding. Like he was, he, he told me that like. He like, or she, um, I guess like yelled at his wife at the wedding or something. I don’t know. But like at the time I was like, what? Like, I’m like sitting there at dinner when the DJ comes up to me and I’m like, she did what?
So it kind of made me feel better though. ’cause I was like, oh my gosh, at least I’m not the only one, like who like know, like that sees her side like her true side. Because for a while, um, I would like my whole family, like my sister and my uncles and I were not separated, but like I would be on like my dad and Elle’s like side side.
I don’t wanna say like that, but like, basically I would go over there for holidays and then I would show up later to the rest of the family’s holiday. ’cause they didn’t have holidays together ’cause they didn’t get along. And so I’m, I’m like, was like the middle ground and like they were trying to tell me like all the things that like weren’t acceptable by my dad and Elle.
And then finally like, I was like, you know what? I see what they’re saying now. I see what’s going on. This is very toxic behavior. And after that I realized that like, that’s very narcissistic. I didn’t really know narcissist, like I’ve heard the term narcissist before and I’ve like seen like in like relationships, like where the guy is like a narcissist to the girl, like girlfriend.
But I’ve never seen it like parent, like parent wise. And I am like, oh, well, nope, you’re, that’s it. You know?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact that she instantly made it like victim mode where like you said, you don’t like me, so you’re terrible. Not like. Not understanding that like maybe someone doesn’t like you because of how you treat them.
Yes. Like she can’t look inward to be like, how have I treated ’em? Yes. And then for your dad to just go along with it and just be like, well, she said so I’m just gonna go with her. It’s like, this is your daughter and your daughter’s wedding. Like
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. I know. And he, I am convinced, he’s like brainwashed, I guess is the best word for it.
Um. I mean, like he, my, my husband always says too, like, he’s the one that has to live with her every day. And unfortunately, he’s probably picking his battles. Like, is he gonna go against his wife that he has to deal with every day? Who knows like, what she’s capable of? Yeah. Or is he gonna like side with his daughter who like, doesn’t see him like that often, you know?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wizeman: And so it’s really sad to say it like that, but he like had a point. I was like, yeah, that’s, that’s true. I guess, but not, yeah, it’s not either way. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s not great. It’s not okay either way. It’s right. I feel like it’s like, on the outside, it’s, it’s easier for, not easy, but like for us to look at it and be like, all right, I guess, you know, like that’s the situation, but, like if my, you know, partner was telling me, uh. That about my daughter or like, you know, I’d be like, excuse me. You know? Yeah. Like, um, yeah, I don’t know. I always, I always wonder about stories like that because I’m like, I’m like, it breaks my heart when you, when they like get, like you said, brainwashed by someone and it’s like, what does she have that’s so great that like, you can’t see like everybody else in front of you saying she’s the, she’s the problem over here.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exactly. I, I really don’t know what it is other than the fact that like, when they first got together, like when my dad and her first got together, things were a little rough because like, my dad was actually in the middle of dating someone who had cancer and like, he didn’t want to like, she was like stage four and like he, like, he didn’t want to like.
I guess he was like a coward in that way. Like he didn’t wanna break it off with her. It’s like there’s so many, like there’s so many little stories to that that’s like a whole nother like hour. But basically like, I guess Elle had trust issues coming into that relationship because they got married so fast and she didn’t realize like everything that was going on.
And so like what I think is happening is that like he married her legally and like realized how like kind of crazy she is. And um, possibly like is scared that like she’ll take everything from him if he like divorces her and stuff like that. I’ve like thought about that. Like me and my uncles talk about like things like that, but I don’t know. I really, I don’t know why my dad, why my dad is like that at all.
Healing, Family Drama, and Finding Connection Through Storytelling
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I guess we never really fully know or always know the full story, but Yeah. Wow. So that kind of inspired your first book or not inspired, that’s partially in your book, “invisible string?”
Sarah Wizeman: So I have two, so there’s two parts to it.
So this one that I showed earlier is my first book. This is the one like about like how my husband and I met each other and how like we’ve always been connected since we were little and we didn’t know it. Um, so this is more of like a feel good book. The second book I don’t have in here, but um, it’s the invisible string too, and that’s where like all the drama happens with my wedding.
So and this book and this book, I start, um, it’s like my journal entries and I start talking about wedding planning in this book and then it carries on to the second book where my actual wedding happens. And it’s like all the drama from that. So you can see like into my mind, my journal entries are in there of like when it happened and um, yeah.
And unfortunately my dad still hasn’t. Talk to like any of us. Like he cut off contact with me. My sister, um, my uncles, he cut off like everybody. And I’ve wrote him letters. I’ve, I’ve done a lot of healing. I’ve like debated the no contact thing for a while. And then, um, and then I, uh, decided, you know what?
I, I think talking is always the best. Communication’s, always the best communication is key. We wouldn’t be here, we wouldn’t be in this predicament if they just communicated with me and asked me like, did you say that? Or like, whatever.
Christa Innis: Right?
Sarah Wizeman: So I was like, you know what, I’m gonna do that. She wrote a letter, didn’t hear back, have called him, hasn’t haven’t heard back.
And so, yeah, I’m just like kind of on my own healing journey. I’ve been, I’ve been really in my healing journey this past year, but now it’s like getting to the point where it’s like, all right, you know. I’m, I’m good. I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m good now. Like I am, you know what, I’m no contact from his side, I guess. And, you know, it’s, he, it’s his loss at this point.
Christa Innis: You know?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So true. And it’s like, and it sounds like at least you have, um, like your son, like your uncle Matt and your sister and you know, and you, people around you that support you and love you and, and not saying any of that’s gonna fill a void or whatever, but I’m sure it’s like helping with the peace of like, okay, I have Uncle Matt who’s been a father figure my whole life.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: And it really is your, your dad’s loss because that’s just, it’s disappointing on so many levels that someone can be brainwashed so easily and forget their family like that.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. And what is really like a positive experience out of this is that by sharing my story, and I did a whole skit on my book, I turned both of my books into skits, like long form skits.
Um. What’s really positive about it is like how many other people who like, have gone through the same thing and they are like, you really, you know, made light of something that I didn’t even know that was like, that was like an option that I could like do. Or, you know, like they didn’t feel alone. I keep getting messages like that.
I don’t feel alone in this. Like, I thought I was going crazy, but I’m not the only one. And it’s really nice to hear those messages that, you know, like my books have helped people and, and like they can relate to them. ’cause it makes me feel less alone too. Like, oh my gosh, I’m not the only one that goes through like tr like this traumatic stuff.
Like, especially during we, uh, like a wedding, you know, it’s, yeah. You know, it’s like, like I was like, the wedding for me was like such a big deal. Like I was so excited to plan my wedding and then like all of this happened and I, it was just like, it was like, okay, it was like kind of a wake up call for me.
’cause I was like, maybe I put too much like, um, what’s the word? Like expectations? Yeah. Yeah. On like, my wedding and like maybe that like, it allowed me to be grateful to be in like, the present moment and to really value like my actual friendships and the relationships that I did have. Like my, my bridesmaids who came to bat for me.
They were all there for me. Like, I may not have had a dad walk me down the aisle, but I had my uncle Matt and my girl show up for me. And that like, really like made me realize how grateful, um, I should be like for all of them and how thankful I am for all of them.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like, I feel like we hear a lot of times like in these big events that, you know.
People show their true colors, right? And so, like, people that are jealous of you or people that have animosity towards you, it will show in these toxic, in these like 10 high tension moments, right? Mm-hmm. And so with them, yeah, it showed, it really showed, and they could not handle it. Mm-hmm. But everyone else, we don’t talk about enough about like, or it shows that it lifts people up and it shows like the positive people in your, and influences your life as well.
So I feel like, um, that’s something we were saying too before recording, is I feel like these stories allow people to connect and also like learn from them or mm-hmm. Um, see it from a different perspective. Like maybe, maybe the dad, a dad. And another story is watching your story and being like, oh my gosh, I was an idiot.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’m gonna go talk to my daughter. You know? So I, I was too, because I’ve had moms message me like, um, like mom’s, I should say. Like, that would be like my, my parents’ age. Um, grandmother’s. They’ll message me and they’ll be like, when I first saw your content, like some of it, like, not offended them, but they’d be like, oh, it made me like think a little bit.
And they’re like, but I’ve learned so much about like how to like communicate with my adult children and how to do this differently and how when I’m overstepping. And so like, like I’ve got like a heartfelt message that was like, thank you for that. And I was like, I never even realized that. So you could think maybe I’m helping another woman in this situation.
Or maybe like someone else is watching, being like, oh my gosh, I’m, I’m not gonna be the toxic stepmother. I wanna be more encouraging. You know? So yes, there’s a lot that could come from it.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That is so true. I actually never thought of it that way. Like I never thought about that part of like someone who is like maybe the toxic mother-in-law or the toxic father or the bridezilla, like watching our skits and being like.
I just did that and maybe I need to change, like you’re totally right and I hope that that does happen. I would love to, I would love to hear stories like that actually, like where they’re like, oh, I realized that this happened and it made me be a better person.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I think so. Because I think it’s like, think about like when things happen in real life, you know, it’s so much more like nuanced, but you see something on tv.
Mm-hmm. And you’re like, oh my God, that’s outrageous. I would never do that. But then you like kind of like you can be like, oh, but you kinda like relate it to your own life. So I feel like if we’re able to like see it play out in a different way, we’re like, wait. Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Right. Yeah, I know. And I feel like.
I know like when you do your skits and when I do my skits, we like very, are like, we’re very much like with, very detailed with the dialogue and so like I feel I’ve gotten that comment before where people are like, oh my gosh, my mother-in-law or whoever has said like the same exact thing to me or something like that.
So it’s, it’s cool to like flip that around and being like, I wonder if people who are in those positions. Hear what we say in our skits and think I just said that exact same sentence, maybe I need to change kind of thing. So yeah, like, oh,
Christa Innis: I didn’t realize that was so toxic to say.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah,
Christa Innis: Yeah.
I think there’s a lot of learning that comes out of the skits, like, oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Oh yeah. I, I think so too. Thanks for sharing that. I know that was like, I’m sure that’s like a lot to like go through and retell, but I think that’s awesome. Yeah. Send me the links to your books too. We’ll talk about it after, but like, and we’ll, we’ll put the links to your books in the show notes.
Okay. Because I feel like, I feel like people, like listeners would love your book as well, because like, they love, like the, they love the romantic stories. They love like the drama. They love a good mix. So definitely share those with me. We’ll put them.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, absolutely.
Red Flags, Green Flags, and Wedding Chaos Decoded
Christa Innis: Um, okay, before we get to the submission.
Submission. This is the follower submission. Why am I saying that? Weird story submissions. Um, we’re do red flag, green flag. Are we, are you fine?
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, no, I’m good.
Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. Awesome. Um, okay, so this is Red flag versus green flag. Um, here we go. Okay. “The groom’s sister demands to be a bridesmaid even though she constantly argues with the maid of honor.”
Sarah Wizeman: Ooh. Yeah. I would say that’s a red flag for sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s it.
Sarah Wizeman: Um, but like we were saying earlier. It’s like, there’s always two sides to every story. And this is like the stuff that I take, um, and I’m like, let’s think about it from both perspectives.
Like at first you present a skit to be like, um, the, the sister of the groom demands like to be a bridesmaid because, but like argues with the maid of honor. But then you show like the maid of honor, you show like the other side of like, what’s really going on and like maybe the maid of honor is like doing some evil stuff or whatever.
Some like, like, um, like how I would flip it would be like. Um, the sisters’, uh, the groom sister is actually trying to save the wedding because the maid of honor is trying to like, sabotage ITT or, or something like that. Yes.
Christa Innis: It’s all about like how you word it for No, totally. Yeah. I’ve even had skits where people like, hate one, one character at first, and I see their comments.
I’m like, oh, just wait. Just wait. They’re gonna find out. And then I’ll like completely twist it and they’re like, wait, what? Oh my gosh. I thought I liked, you know, um, because I’m just like, you never know from, Look. Yes. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny.
Um, okay. “A bridesmaid insists on bringing her toddler to every pre-wedding event, even though the bride said ‘No kids.’”
Sarah Wizeman: Red flag.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like we said earlier, it’s like, if it’s like a one off thing, like, oh, I mm-hmm. Sit or canceled or whatever, I’d be like, yeah, that’s fine. Like my, I think my baby shower and bridal shower, I kids or whoever wanted to bring their kitchen to come of course, but mm-hmm. Yeah. Every wedding event, and they’re like, oh, can’t, they’re gonna, they’re just coming with me. It’s like, okay. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Especially if it’s every, every time like, oh, like disregarding the bride’s feelings for everything. I’m just gonna bring them because I didn’t plan ahead, or whatever. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Exactly.
Christa Innis: The, um, “the maid of honor gives a 10 minute speech that turns into a story about her breakup and how she learned to love again.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, red flag. Oh gosh.
Christa Innis: Like no mattered way. What way You look at that, that’s a red flag.
Sarah Wizeman: 10 minute speech. Red flag. No, I’m just kidding. My sister actually gave like a 10 minute speech. It wasn’t that like that, it wasn’t like that. But she gave me, she gave a 10 minute speech that was like, um, talking about all of our like memories and stuff at the wedding.
I think she, she did that because like she added on more after like, the whole thing blew up. So she was like, let’s make this like a good vibe. Like remember all the good memories kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Yes. No, that’s good. That’s, you have to sometimes, like, you need someone like that that’s gonna like really like think on their feet and like flip their vibe completely.
Right. Um, yeah, I’ve, I’ve definitely heard of a few like situations like that.
Um, okay, last one. “The photographer rearranges the entire timeline because they know what works best for lighting.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh. I would say red flag at first. Yeah. Yeah. Red flag probably. But yeah, red flag. ’cause they, I mean I, I’m thinking about like putting the time into like my timeline and I’m like, if anybody changed that, I would be so upset. So, yeah, red flag.
Christa Innis: See, I cares about the lighting. I have a weird, like, per perspective on this one is because, okay. My photographer did my timeline, so before the wedding, oh. Like I could finalize some stuff, but like, we did, like, my photographer was like amazing. I don’t even know if photographers did this, but we sat on the call for probably like two hours, an hour and a half, putting the whole timeline together.
And she’s like, okay, these photos, if your wedding’s at, I think it was like we had an early wedding, three 30 or four 30, I think four 30. She was like, then we should do photos here. Your couple’s photos here. If we want nighttime photos, they should be here. So like, we kind like planned around it. Oh, okay.
But, um, so yeah, I was like, so she. If she moved it, I’d be like, okay, you know? You know what you’re doing. Yeah. Okay.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, see that would be the, yeah, that would be green flag that would like that whole thing. That’s like really awesome that your photographer did that. That’s amazing.
Christa Innis: I know. I don’t know if that’s, yeah, I don’t think that’s typical, but she was like, I always get together with my bride and groom like the week before and we just go over the full timeline and she like sent it to, she typed it as we were like talking and she sent the whole thing over to us, so then I just kinda like updated from my brides and bridesmaids and groom went and sent it out, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. That’s awesome. That’s really cool.
All right, let’s get to this week’s story submission. I’m a little raspy today, so bear with me.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah, I understand. I don’t know. Where are you from Christa?
Christa Innis: I’m from Chicago Suburbs, but I live in Wisconsin now, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. Snow lots. Lots of snow. Yeah.
Yeah, so it’s just been like, we got what? I don’t even know. Like 10 inches maybe over the weekend. Oh, okay. So it was like, it was like a blizzard.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes. I live in upstate New York. Right. Like two hours from Canada, so, um, yeah, snow here too. So, and I woke up this morning, I was like, oh my gosh, I hope this clears up before the podcast.
Christa Innis: I know. Plus I feel like, I dunno if you feel the same way, like you’re just like, with filming and all that stuff, you’re just talking all the time. Mm-hmm. So there’s some days, like I’ve lost my voice more in the last couple years than I think I ever have. Mm-hmm. Because it’s just like recording podcasts.
I do YouTube and then skits. I’m just like, okay, I need to drink tea. Yeah. Yeah. So there’s always that desire. ’cause like, I’ll be like, okay, I’m not gonna do a skit today. Like, I need to take the day off and I’ll just post like for the podcast and then I’m like, oh, they really want the next part. I’m like, I don’t wanna let them down.
Okay. I’ll film the skit and then my husband will be like, rest your voice. I’m like, I gotta get it done. Yes. Like always back here. Like, do it, do it.
Sarah Wizeman: I can relate. Yep.
No Kids, No Compromise: When Wedding Entitlement Gets Real
Christa Innis: Anyway, um, okay, here we go. Love your videos. I’m happy to share my own crazy wedding story from 2021. Feel free to use it however you’d like.
“My husband and I were supposed to get married in 2020, but obviously the Global Pandemic had other plans. We ended up getting married at the courthouse that year and rescheduled our full wedding celebration for the following summer. Since we’d already made deposits and everything, we crossed our fingers that we’d actually be able to have it in July, 2021.
By April, we were still hoping, holding out that hope. The governor finally started reopening things, allowing events again, but only at half capacity. Venues could even be shut down if they went over. We had already planned for an intimate wedding. Our original venue capacity was 84, so they reduced the number to 42, which included us. That meant that we had 40 guest spots total, so we had to be strict about it. Originally, our guest list had 50 people, so we had to make some tough cuts. We did get to invite many friends, but it was mostly entirely family. It was almost entirely family. After days of pouring over the list, we finally narrowed it down.
While working on that list, I messaged my sister for contact. She lives outta state and had been dating a guy with a younger daughter for about six months. When we got engaged, she’d asked early on if he could come, and since that was pre-pandemic, I’d said, sure, no problem. Oh, here we go.
Sarah Wizeman: Yep. Here comes the drama.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Here comes the drama. Okay. When it co, when it came time to trim the list, I checked with her to see if he was still planning to come. I’d never even met him, but if she wanted to bring him, I would’ve kept his spot. It just would’ve been an easy cut otherwise. She said he was still coming and then asked if his daughter Violet could come too.
Ah, okay. We’d already decided on a no kids rule except for my husband’s niece and nephew. Funny how we were just talking about this.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes.
Christa Innis: Who were a part of the wedding party. So I told her Violet couldn’t come and suggested that Violet’s mom could keep her during the trip, my sister immediately freaked out saying, if Violet couldn’t come, she wouldn’t come either.
If your boyfriend’s daughter can’t come, the boyfriend that’s never met your sister, you’re not gonna come. That’s wild to me.
Sarah Wizeman: That that is crazy. Yeah. What, you’re not, all right, uh uh.
Christa Innis: And also to not like talking about communication. Not even being like, okay, you know what? Let me talk to him first and let’s see if the, if his ex-wife or whatever can watch the daughter.
Yes. Just immediately freaking out.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, immediately. Like not even like, like we were talking about communication,
Christa Innis: right? Like Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. It was something different where like she lived in state and she’d met this little girl many times and she’s like, okay, she’s kind of like a niece. Let’s have her too.
But like, she’s never met her. Right. So it also would probably be easier for her to, I mean, I don’t know the ex’s situation, but Right. You know? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Um, all right.
“Honestly, I didn’t care whether my sister came or not. That was her choice, but I knew my mom would take her side as always, and of course she did.
When I told my mom who was paying for the venue, she freaked out too and told me I needed to figure out a way to make it work, because that’s your sister’s family. Nevermind. I didn’t even know this kid or her dad, and that we were already struggling to fit everyone in still. I told her I would look into it.
We went back over the list and there was just no way to make it work without cutting close friends or choosing between cousins in the same family. So I told both my mom and my sister that we couldn’t justify adding Violet. I also said that once we got RSVPs, if anyone declined, we’d probably have the space.” Which I feel like that’s a good response, right?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that that’s a good like backup plan. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. “That wasn’t good enough. My mom threatened to pull out of the wedding completely. No payment, no attendance over this.” Now, the mom,
Sarah Wizeman: The mom, the mom!? What? Did it say if the mom knew the daughter?
Christa Innis: So far it did not say no. But she keeps referring to it as her family.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay.
Christa Innis: So I don’t know if they’re like all like, let’s see. So it sounds like. 2020 when they originally got engaged, or 2019 when they originally got engaged Uhhuh. So she’s been with this guy for maybe a year and a half, two years by this point. I don’t know.
Sarah Wizeman: Oh my gosh. What?
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. “My sister accused me of playing favorites because we made exceptions to the two kids in the wedding party.
That’s pretty normal though.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. What!?
Christa Innis: “Then she told me I was dead to her. At that point, I’d had enough. I told her that was her choice and she could consider her invitation revoked.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh God. Uninvited.
Christa Innis: Oh my God. Yeah. You’re, you’re done
Sarah Wizeman: Uninvited.
Christa Innis: But you gotta kind of like, not saying I support, like being like, you’re done. But I’m like, you gotta kind of like applaud her for being like, be like, okay, well you wanna play two can play that game. Because I think, I think half the time when people threaten things like that, they would just want you to change it. Like they don’t, they’re not gonna actually follow through.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: They want you to, they wanna get their way.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. I will back you up on that one. Yeah. I’ve seen it happen so many times.
Christa Innis: Have you? Yeah. I just, I feel like there’s so many empty, like, threats out there. ’cause they just, they know they can take advantage of someone.
They’re like, if you don’t do this, I’m gonna do this. So they’re like, they’re like, I just don’t wanna even risk the chance of that happening, you know?
Sarah Wizeman: Right.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. “Cue my mom’s next meltdown. My sister had always been the favorite and this just proved it again in the end. My sister didn’t come to the wedding.
My mom eventually gave in at the last minute. One of my aunts also took my sister’s side and didn’t attend though, to be fair. I think it had more to do with her finding out my uncle was cheating than our own drama.” Okay. Whoa. I think that was separate. Okay. “That’s another, another thing. Once those people took themselves off the list, I actually got to invite a few people we wanted there.
Oh. And as a cherry on top, my mom also tried to get me to cut my stepmom’s parents, even though they’d been in my life for 20 years and were helping pay for the wedding. Obviously I refuse.” I don’t get the whole like telling someone, you have to uninvite or invite someone to the wedding. It’s like, that’s not how it works. It’s not your day.
Sarah Wizeman: No. It’s not your day at all. And also, like of course, the mother would target the stepmother’s family, like I feel like there might be some jealousy or animosity there or something.
Christa Innis: Story, she’s story like by her parents. It’s like, if they’ve been in her life as grandparents for 20 years, I think it’s acceptable.
Right? Oh my God. What? That’s s so of course the mom was never, the mom was always gonna show up, I feel like.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I mean, unless you’re my dad, why are, how are you gonna, how are you gonna miss your daughter’s wedding? You know? Yes. Like that’s,
Christa Innis: And now to be like, put this wedge even more between the sisters, because it sounds like they’re already kind of like far apart, like they live in different states, but like the fact that they’re, I don’t know.
It’s, yeah. Um, so she says, “for weeks afterward, my mom kept pushing me to apologize to my sister, even though I’d done nothing wrong. I told her I wouldn’t and that my sister actually owed me an apology. We didn’t speak for months after the wedding. And even now, four years later, we barely talk. So yeah, that’s my story. Use it, tweak it, or do whatever you want with it.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh, oh my gosh. That’s that. Oh, man. So did, did she mean her and her sister barely talk?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That’s, that’s really sad. Like we’re talking about like looking at both perspectives, right? And so like, I could see, like, I could see where the other sister would be hurt.
’cause like, let’s say she’s been living with this guy now, what did she say? She met him in? It had to be, um, they had, let’s see, it was pre-pandemic. When she’d asked early on. So it would’ve been like 20, yeah. 2019. 2019, right. Yeah. So at this point they’d been together, let’s say at mo at the very most, it would be two years.
Okay. But probably not even, maybe a year and a half. Yeah. Um, so for the sister, like she’s been living this with this guy for a year. Maybe the daughter comes every other week. Maybe she like, takes care of the daughter mostly. We don’t know. Yeah. Um, so I could get feeling hurt for sure. Like if you’re like, this is my family, family.
This is my almost stepdaughter and my boyfriend of two years. But to make that be like, what you’re gonna, the hill you’re gonna die on?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Right. Of course it would be easier for her just to like invite, but I don’t know. It’s, yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: I know, it makes me wonder if like she and her sister have like some sort of back history of like just sibling rival rivalry kind of thing going on too.
Like maybe, I don’t know. That’s, that’s how I think with the whole skits thing, but um, yeah, I, that would not be the hill that I would wanna die on. Me and my sister, we are best friends, but we also are, are like tough critics too. So like, you know, we’ve had a little bit of sibling rivalry going on, but I would never like ever not show up to her wedding if she told me that I couldn’t bring my significant other or my child. Mm-hmm. Actually, my, so Amanda, the girl I was talking about, my bridesmaid, she’s more of like a sister to me, and she had her wedding during the pandemic, and she asked me to, um, come by myself without my, um, he was my fiance at the time.
Mm-hmm. Um, and, or no, he was just my boyfriend at the time, actually. But I, I was like, of course, that’s no problem. Like, you know, like, I’m gonna be there for you. I understand because of what’s going on. I know you would have him there if it wasn’t the restrictions. I know it’s outta your control, so. Yeah.
Um, but yeah, I would not choose that as my hill to die on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, I’m even thinking like, let’s say like my cousin who’s like a sister to me, like she lives in another state, let’s say. Like she’s getting married and was like, we’re not doing any kids, so your daughter can’t come. I don’t think I’d be offended by that.
Mm-hmm. Like my blood daughter, I would be like, okay, either I can make it work with a babysitter or I can’t, and be, I either fly with someone to watch her in the hotel room or I can’t make it work. I wouldn’t be like, oh my gosh, how, how dare you like not invite her. Do you hate her? Like, ’cause it’s not that personal.
Yeah. Like it’s not personal. There’s just some places that I feel like aren’t meant for kids sometimes. Yeah. People just don’t want that vibe and, and that’s okay. Like when people get up in arms in the comments about it, they’re like, oh, well, wedding’s a family event. And I’m like, sure. But it’s also a party.
Yeah. It’s alcohol. Mm-hmm. I mean, so it’s teach their own, like, you wouldn’t bring your child into an R-rated movie. You wouldn’t bring your child to like a nightclub or, you know, like there’s, there’s certain places and if that’s the vibe you want for your wedding, you, that’s the beauty of it. You get to pick what vibe you want and um, but yeah, it’s like you can’t be like up in arms about. Or mad at the bride for wanting it a certain way, you know?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exact. Exactly. Like whatever the bride wants. I, I, that’s like kind of been my motto is like, whatever the bride wants, like, is like what you respect, I guess, or I, I shouldn’t even say the bride is the couples that make those decisions together too.
Mm-hmm. And so whatever they want, like respect that. Obviously crazy. I’ve seen crazy things happen, but I’m talking about like the people who are like, like the no kid weddings or like mm-hmm. You know, um, other decisions that they make. Like I’ve seen like the dry weddings as well. Like we kind of that’s a whole, like controversy as well too. So Yeah. If you want to support them, respect their wishes, uh, otherwise like just say no thank you to the invite, I guess. Yeah, that would be, that’s like kind of like what my motto would be for that.
Christa Innis: Right. Because yeah, again, it’s like the entitlement because like, she didn’t even try to like. See if they could find someone to watch the child or like, how about we all fly together and then he just stays back with her while go to the wedding. You know, like, yeah. It was anything like that. It was just freaking out on the bride immediately. Yes. And making it her problem. Change your rules for your wedding. ’cause I’m bringing,
and like that’s, that doesn’t sit right, right with me because I’m just like, there could have been so many other ways to go about it. Like if she was like, Hey, actually, like he has sole custody and we, you know, can’t rely on the mom. Okay, well how about you come here and she can come to this, you know, like you can like, communicate through things.
Like, it’s just demanding. I don’t like.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, a hundred percent. Like if she would’ve, instead of texted back the demand or like the, the awful things she could have said, Hey, like, let me talk to him and see like what options we have. Do you have any other options on your end? Like, could you go to the venue and say, Hey, is there like, like something that we could do?
Like, could we. I, I don’t even know what the, ’cause that was like a mandatory, like mandate, but, um, I’m just like thinking like, is there something that she could do on her end? Like, you know? Right. Like, it’s like you were talking about, it’s just like all about communication and Yeah. When you come at someone and just like, start yelling like that doesn’t, that doesn’t end well for anybody.
Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That just starts off all on the bad foot.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Well, that was a, a wild story. All right. Yes. There’s no listening what you, what you think about that.
Wedding Confessions: Toxic Moms, Sibling Drama & Vendor Chaos
All right. I always like to end these episodes with some confessions people send me. They all have to do with weddings and stuff, so, oh, okay. Here we go.
All right. Um, let me check my eyesight here. Okay, here we go. Um, people will send me these on Instagram, so here we go.
Um, “moved across the country hoping it will help my husband limit contact with his toxic mom.”
Sarah Wizeman: Oh.
Christa Innis: Keep us posted on how that’s going.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yes, exactly. Oh my goodness. Um, I hope, I hope that, I hope that the toxic mom is not gonna follow you there. That’s like, like what I think of, I’m like, I hope they don’t gonna move there.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like at the end of the day too, it has to be him that limits the toxic mom.
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like block or block, um, not answer certain calls or talk to her? It’s not, yeah. Um, this says, “currently terrified that my brother and sister-in-law will announce their pregnancy at my wedding.”
Would that terrify you if someone were to announce their pregnancy?
Sarah Wizeman: Um, no. Um, that would not actually, I would be, I would be the one to be like super happy, especially if like they’ve been like waiting for it for a while, like. That would be just me though. Like that wouldn’t bother me. An engagement on the other hand, I think would bother me a little bit more than a pregnancy announcement.
Christa Innis: Proposal at your wedding?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Proposal. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: I mean, I feel like it’s like, depends on like how they would do it. If they like, were just like, Hey, you wanna let you know? I’d be like, I’d so happy for you. That’s awesome. If they were like in a speech, just so you know, we’re having a baby. It’s all about That’s true about relationships and I think like how you go about it.
Yeah. Because I did get a story sent to me once where, um, the whole like. Engagement. It was like a one upper kind of thing, right? With the two siblings. And the mom wanted to do a grand gender reveal at the wedding and they were like, no, like they wanted like balloons and like, and then they saw, and one of the bridesmaids saw the mom loading boxes of balloons into the car.
And they were like, these are staying out here. And then they like did a big thing at their table. Like she would not say no. She wanted her moment of like announcing that she was gonna be a grandma at the wedding.
Sarah Wizeman: That’s like a, um, a Madison Humphrey, like I can see Madison Humphrey. And being like, oh my gosh.
Wow. Yeah, I can, yeah, that’s on hand. Yeah, no, I was thinking like, it would be more of like, um, like they would be like over in the corner, like at the bar or whatever, and being like, just let you guys know we are pregnant. Like, kind of like talking to their family. Not like a whole shebang, balloons and stuff. Holy cow.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I wonder if like, this girl has like a hint that something big is gonna happen or I don’t know. Mm-hmm. Good luck, girl. Yeah.
Sarah Wizeman: Let her know. Let us know or let Christa know what happened. Yes. Let us
Christa Innis: know. Um, okay. This last one says, “sister-in-law to the bride called the pastor and said he shouldn’t marry the couple.” Yikes. Why are we doing that?
Sarah Wizeman: The sister-in-law called the pastor and told him that they shouldn’t, he shouldn’t marry them.
Christa Innis: Uhhuh.
Sarah Wizeman: What? Wait, is the confession? Confession is coming from the bride or the sister?
Christa Innis: No, it just says, it’s just says the si The bride’s sister-in-law called the pastor. So I wonder if it’s just like things that people like.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay.
Christa Innis: That’s why.
Sarah Wizeman: Wow. That is, that’s, I wonder why, I wonder what provoked that. I, I feel like maybe infidelity, uh, I don’t know. Or just doesn’t like her. Yeah. Or yeah, like the cattiness of it. I’m so nice.
Christa Innis: I just heard a story where a sister-in-law tried, um, canceling the bride’s dress like she called the bridal shop.
And pretended to be the bride and said, we will no longer need your services. And she went around and canceled vendors and venues.
Sarah Wizeman: I did a skit like that once. I can’t remember the actual details, but I remember like the mother-in-law calls in and like cancels, um, cancels a bunch of different things and then they show up and nothing is there.
So. That’s, I feel like that’s like a popular thing. Um, oh my God. Like that. I’m, he, I like hear it all. I hear about that a lot. Like people like, ’cause that’s why, um, like, uh, the vendors have to have a code now. Like, so like when you call in, like they have to make like a special code, um, before you can like, cancel anything because like they’ve had problems with like, people calling in and like changing stuff or canceling it.
Um, that weren’t supposed to.
Christa Innis: That’s why I know. I never knew that was a thing until people started sending me stories and they were like, yeah, my mother-in-law tried changing everything at our venue. And I’m like, what? Why do people, people do that? Like, this is really making these skits. I’ve really learned a lot about how crazy some people are.
Sarah Wizeman: I know, I’m, I agree with you. ’cause I’m like, wait, she did what? I have to act that out, you know, kind of thing. Like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That’s so funny.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was so fun hanging out with you. Oh
Sarah Wizeman: gosh. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I was so excited to be on.
It was so fun to talk about all the different stories and stuff, so thank you for having me on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And thank you for sharing your story. I know that was a lot probably to dive back into, but, um, can you, for everyone listening, can you share again, like where they can find all your content, your, like your social handles, your book name, and anything else fun you’re working on?
Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Um, so my book name is The Invisible String. I think it might be backwards, but in the invisible string. No, it’s, it’s forward to me. Oh, it’s okay. Cool. Yeah. Um, you can find it on Amazon. Um, and then all my handles are just @Sarah Wizeman for any of my social media. I’m on TikTok and YouTube. Um, I don’t really go on Instagram that much.
It’s just like, it’s like comp too complicated for me, for Instagram for sure. But yeah. And, um, yeah, I’m coming out with, so I’ve like challenged myself to kind of release like a new book every, like, on YouTube is more like my, like longer stories where TikTok is like my short like bridal stories and like crazy skits.
Um, so I’ve challenged myself to like publish a book every month, um, and then like kind of month act it every month. Yeah. Act it out on Go girl. It probably won’t be as big as this. Not that this is big, but it like, probably will be like short stories kind of thing. But, um. Right now I’m working on one ’cause I work, I help my, one of my best friends who was a bridesmaid of mine, she owns a Christmas tree farm and it is so fun to work with her at the Christmas Tree Farm.
So the next book I’m gonna be publishing here soon is actually like a Christmas tree farm story, so…
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Like Hallmark story.
Sarah Wizeman: Yes, yes. I’m so excited about it. So, and then I’ll act it out and like post it on YouTube and kind of do that like monthly over there. But TikTok will basically stay like the plot twist crazy wedding stuff and like romance, like I usually like romance, uh, crazy relationship stuff, all that.
Christa Innis: I love that. That’s so smart. That’s such a smart way and fun way to like market your books too and get people. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well thank you so much. We’ll put all the links to all your books and everything in the show notes as well.
Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Thank you, Christa!
Mustard Dresses, Missing Bridesmaids, and Vegas Meltdowns
Would you still call her a bridesmaid if she skipped your wedding… to buy a car?
I’m diving into one of the wildest submissions yet, the friend who threw a fit over a free mustard dress, ghosted the bridal prep, and flat-out didn’t show on the wedding day because her parents were offended. Yes. It gets worse.
I also react to a viral Bridezilla story packed with outrageous demands, from $2,000 bridesmaid costs to rewriting heartfelt toasts. Plus, I roast some spicy wedding takes that had me saying, make it make sense!
Note: This is a re-share of a previously Patreon-only episode — now unleashed for everyone who loves a little bridal chaos.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:50 Bridesmaid Boot Camp: Wedding Trivia
04:45 Bridesmaid Confessionals: Real Stories
10:48 Wedding 911: Listener Dilemmas
15:52 Bridezilla Court: Reddit Stories
16:09 Bridesmaid Drama Unfolds
17:02 Bachelorette Party Demands
18:35 Wedding Budget Woes
19:45 Bridesmaid Appearance Control
20:31 Bridesmaid Costs and Expectations
23:04 Savage Wedding Takes
26:31 Crazy Wedding Confession
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Mustard Dress Meltdown – A bridesmaid spirals over a gifted dress and turns the friendship icy.
- The No-Show That Shocked Me – She skipped my wedding for a brand-new car purchase. Priorities?
- Bridezilla Reddit Deep Dive – From insane budgets to forced Vegas trips, this bride broke every rule.
- Savage Wedding Takes – Family pressure, glam expectations, and MOH salary debates get roasted.
- Patreon Confessions Unlocked – Behind-the-scenes chaos now shared with the full drama squad.
- Boundaries vs Bonding – When being “too nice” costs you peace — and a dress.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re mad about a free dress, maybe the dress isn’t the problem.” – Christa Innis
- “The second someone tells me to dye my hair for a wedding? I’m out.” – Christa Innis
- “This isn’t a royal coronation, it’s a ceremony… relax.” – Christa Innis
- “Some people don’t want to be in your wedding — they want a front row seat to complain.” – Christa Innis
- “At that point? That’s not a bridesmaid. That’s emotional sabotage in heels.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
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Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host Christa. This is a very special episode if you can see me. I’m wearing my Grinch sweatshirt and my very merry holiday headband, which ironically was the quote unquote villain in one of our recent skits with a Elise and Paige.
But I love this headband. It’s very festive. Um, today is Christmas. Um, I’m recording this like a month in advance though, so my mind can’t quite wrap around that yet. Um, being a mom or just I guess anyone really just automatically puts me in the panic of checklists, what things I need to get done for the holidays and, you know, all that good stuff, whether it’s work, personal, family, everything.
I feel like I’ve been recording so much just to catch up. Um, so that’s why my mind’s just kind of all over the place. So if you are feeling that way because of the holidays or whatever’s going on, I’m right there with you. Um, so this week’s gonna be a little different because, um, it’s the holidays and preparing for that.
I’m taking a little, little time off recording because. There’s so many other projects, you know how that goes. Um, so today I am actually gonna play a prerecorded episode that was originally made for my Patreon. And if you guys have been with me for a little while, you know, I didn’t do Patreon for that long.
Just felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I really wanted to give my full attention to, um, my podcast. So it was a lot to record those extra episodes. So. Um, I’m gonna do a couple wedding dilemmas that were sent to me. Give some advice on those, and then we’re gonna jump right into this episode from Patreon called Bridesmaids. Then we’re gonna jump right into a Patreon episode that was called Confessions of a Bridesmaid Secrets Scandals and Wedding Woes.
So first, let’s jump into these little wedding dilemmas that were sent over to me. They’re of course, of course, anonymous. These are ones that people send me. You can DM me, you can email me, whatever that is.
The Mother-in-Law Dance Dilemma & Thank You That Triggered Me
“Okay, it says, hi Christa. I was wondering if I could get some of your advice. My daughter is getting married in a few months and we absolutely adore our son and we absolutely adore our soon to be son-in-law. However, my future son-in-law has an on again off again relationship with his mother. She has stated many times to anyone willing to listen that she is not attending the wedding, she already knows that she will be in so much pain that day because of their estranged relationship. Is it okay for me to offer him a mother-in-law, son-in-law dance so he is not left out of that special moment of his day, or would that make things worse after the wedding if she really doesn’t show up and see pictures of that? Please let me know what you’d think. I’d love to get your advice on this. Love all your skits.”
Okay. This is a very complicated situation, right? I, first and foremost, I think it’s amazing that you’re thinking of him on his wedding day and how you can help make it better. Ultimately, I think you need to talk to your daughter and see if this is something that she would support and thinks that she’d be comfortable with.
Um. And it’s gonna ultimately be their decision because I get it, you wanna help, you also don’t wanna overstep. Um, like I said, it’s a very complicated thing. Relationships are complicated and yes, you don’t want the mother to be hurt. Um, and if she, but she’s already made it very clear, I’m not going to the wedding, it’s very estranged for me.
It’s gonna be very painful. So at that point. Talk to your daughter. If she seems okay with it, then I would talk to him, take the pressure off. Just be like, I just wanna offer this. If by chance you wanted to take me up on it, I’m there to help you in any way I can. And then let them ultimately decide you don’t want them to be put in a place where they feel like they have to say yes, and you don’t want him to feel, um, uncomfortable, like, or kind of put in a corner where he’s like, yeah.
I can’t say no, or I can’t say no to you because, or I can’t say yes to you because my mom’s gonna see something. Um, so. It’s really just communication with them first and, and every relationship’s gonna be completely different. Some people are gonna hear this and be like, absolutely not. That’s overstepping.
Other people are gonna say Yes, absolutely. So if you have a close relationship with him, you guys respect each other and you look at him like a son, then I don’t see any personal problem with it. Talk to your daughter first. Get her approval and if she’s okay with it and loves the idea, then I would move forward and ask him.
I love that though. I think that’s that’s a great way to. Step in the role and show that you are taking him in as part of the family.
Okay, this one says. The baby delivery skit. My husband was best man and his friend and our kids’ godparents wedding. That was a week after my due date. We got the invite the same week I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, they are very close, and my mother-in-law was going to be here to help with our toddler.
So I said that in this one instance he could go because they were so close and he was the best man, but only if our baby had been born since the wedding was out of state. Anyway, baby was born a few days early, so he went to the wedding and gave them a fairly expensive gift. We just got the thank you card and it was only addressed to him with a thoughtful note about him still still going to the wedding.
I’m sorry, but the gift was from both of us, and I was an equal participant in him being able to go, despite me being a weak postpartum with a toddler. Why am I so triggered by this? Okay. I read this and I was like. Kind of shocked. Like I would never just thank the husband whether he couldn’t come or not.
Um, at our wedding, we actually had a best man who, um, his wife had just given birth, I wanna say maybe a month or two prior. So it was very clear that she wasn’t gonna be able to come, and we completely understood that. We would never have just said thank you to him only for coming. We wrote a thank you to the whole family because we really appreciated the gift no matter what.
And the fact that she let him go or he was able to go, I shouldn’t say let him, but that he was able to go. Despite just having a child, um, was meant a lot to us that he still made the Far Trek. So I get being triggered by it. I wouldn’t get hung up on it because some people just don’t understand etiquette.
Um, but for me personally, I would still think the think the wife, of course, because you guys are a partnership. Um. And I would absolutely be writing that out to both people. So that’s my personal take on that. If you guys are watching this on YouTube, comment below what you would think. I wouldn’t only thank people that came to the wedding.
That’s just the same as people that couldn’t come to the wedding for some reason and still sent a gift. I wouldn’t not send them a thank you because they weren’t physically at the wedding. If they sent a gift, they participated in any way, shape, or form. I’m gonna be sending them a thank you. All right guys.
That’s all I have. Of course we’re gonna jump into that prerecorded episode. But before we get to that, I just wanna take a moment to say thank you all for being here. I’m so grateful, especially, um, this time of year, I think it’s just a real, a time to really just look back and just be grateful for everything.
Um, so I wanna wish you all a warm and peaceful holiday season no matter what you celebrate, or even if this time of year is just really stressful and you just can’t wait for it to be over. I just really hope you find moments of rest, joy, and connection. So without further ado, please enjoy my Patreon episode, confessions of a Bridesmaid, secret Scandals and Wedding Woes.
Christa Innis: Today we’re focusing all on bridesmaids. As I should know a thing or two since I’ve been a bridesmaid. Including twice made of honor almost 10 times and I’ve seen and heard it all plus I’ve gotten millions of stories from you guys.
So let’s kind of walk through what you can expect for this episode First up is going to be bridesmaid boot camp. It’s going to be a rapid fire guessing game to test your wedding knowledge. we’re going to have bridesmaid confessional, real unfiltered confessions from the archives.
Next is going to be wedding 911 listener dilemmas where I dish out my best advice. So we’re going to see just what comes up when you guys, , want some advice. the next segment is going to be called bridezilla court, a wild bridesmaid story caught straight from the depths of Reddit. Then we’re going to go right into here comes the roast spicy takes on wedding trends.
So I’m going to give you guys my honest take on some of these crazy things that come up. And last but not least, what would one of my episodes be without a crazy bridesmaid story? So, nothing quite. Brings out the drama, like a real life story, right? So I’ve got one from the archives that, I’ve not read yet.
So we’re going to react in real time together. grab a drink, settle in and let’s kick off this series with some major bridesmaid drama. Okay. First up is bridesmaid boot camp. So I’m going to go through these rapid fire trivia questions and throw some wedding facts at you, and you just do your best guess, , as you’re listening.
Bridesmaids: From Roman Armor to $6,800 Dresses
Okay, number one, true or false. Bridesmaids used to dress like the bride to confuse evil spirits. This is True. In ancient Rome, brides made stress identically to the bride to ward off evil spirits and potential kidnappers. Imagine dealing with that kind of drama. So it’s kind of funny how it’s changed so much over the years.
It used to be like, let’s distract everyone from the actual bride so she can get married and no one can try to, like, take her or, throw drama on her day. Now it’s like, don’t look anything like the bride unless she specifically requests it. Okay, number two. What’s the most expensive bridesmaid dress ever recorded?
Okay, so when I saw this question, I’m like thinking of what I’ve spent on bridesmaid dresses luckily the most of them I’ve spent like 99. I’ve spent a few that were over 200 But for the most part I would say around 150 it was like average the most ready for it 6, 800. It was a Vera Wang dress for a celebrity wedding and no, the bride did not cover the cost. Guys, that is insane. That is like a mortgage that has twice, triple a mortgage. I don’t even know. Like that is insane to spend on a dress. I mean, I guess if it’s a celebrity wedding, they have the money to spend.
I don’t know. I don’t know. Okay. Number three, bridesmaid duties used to include what unusual task. Okay. There’s a lot that has changed over the years. So You might think of this, but I don’t know. I was kind of shocked by it holding onto the dowry and guarding the bride on the way to the groom’s house.
So basically the bridesmaids were the original wedding security team. The dowry is a transfer of wealth, property, or money from the bride’s family. And so. They would protect this to the groom or its family as part of the marriage arrangement. I’m like, that’s like a lot of pressure on a bridesmaid. I’m glad that’s not the case anymore.
Like, I’m glad we’re just there for fun and support and, you know, all that good stuff. Okay, the last one, number four. In what country is it considered bad luck for bridesmaids to wear matching dresses? This is so funny because we used to do matching dresses all the time in the U. S. The answer is China. In China, it’s believed matching dresses attract bad energy so bridesmaids wear different colors.
Okay, I love this because we’re kind of getting away from the trend of wearing matching dresses. even like my own wedding, it was, I had like a specific like family of colors and then all the bridesmaids were able to pick out their own style because I feel like Everyone has their own style, their own body type. Like let’s not shove everyone in the same dress.
Okay, next up, we’re going to do some bridesmaid confessionals. Dun, dun, dun. Okay. that’s my own, music we got going on here. Okay. Here we go. I’m just going to react to these in real time, guys.
Just Say No: Navigating Bridesmaid Pressure and Wedding Drama
I said no to being a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding because I don’t approve of his choice, or him in general. Okay, so this is a two part thing. So it’s not just that she doesn’t approve of the new guy or girl coming in, she does not approve of her brother. I mean, there’s a backstory here. There’s some drama here that I’m very curious about. My thought is Okay, well, here’s the thing.
Here’s where I want to go with this. There is so much pressure to say yes to being in a wedding because it’s your brother, sister, whoever’s wedding. And I want to give the free will to everyone right now, if you don’t know you already have it, but you can say no to being in a wedding. I know, it’s crazy thought.
But here’s the thing, like, there’s so much pressure being in a wedding and if you don’t enjoy that or you don’t support the couple, don’t say yes, because you’re going to be miserable. like lucky for me. And that’s probably why I talk about weddings and stuff. I love weddings. I love being a part of weddings.
there was a time. I would say late 20s, I was in a wedding like every single year, if not a couple a year, and I loved it. I love being crafty. I love seeing how I can be useful and helpful, but it’s exhausting. You’re spending a lot of money. You’re spending a lot of time. That’s also pre kids, like, I was married.
So I had a lot more free time. Now, if I was in a wedding, It would be a lot harder. It’d be a lot more Zoom stuff and, traveling would be a lot more harder, and so it’s okay to say no. you gotta know your own limits and what you’re interested in. Okay, next confession.
I said no. Friend insisted. I kept saying no. The bride had a full on meltdown and wouldn’t stop.
I finally said yes to being a bridesmaid and 2, 000 later is what I spent. I should have stuck with no. Here we go. This is a common theme. If you have a gut feeling and want to say no, please say no. The fact that the bride had a full on meltdown because you said no, that’s not a bride. This is someone that just wants you up there as a number.
Or other bridesmaids, said no to her already. And so she’s putting the pressure on you to say yes. 000 later, no. I’m curious what that was all on. My guess is we’re talking dress, shoes, hair, makeup, maybe a bachelorette party, a gift. Those things add up. So even if you’re like, I don’t want to spend a lot of money, little things add up.
if the bride really wanted you to be a part of the wedding and said like, I’ll pay for your dress or I’ll help you with blank. Then sure, but a no means no. even if you have the money and you just don’t want to be in the wedding, that’s up to you. That’s terrible.
Financial Fiascos: When Bridesmaids Go Broke for Weddings
Okay, next confession. The first time I was a maid of honor, I was in complete shock. I had no idea the protocol. I went into debt. Wait, what? You went into debt. I had no idea I was responsible for the wedding party dresses. Whoa, in what wedding? And gifts for everybody. You got scammed. You got scammed. You should not be paying for somebody’s wedding party dresses and the gifts as the maid of honor.
No, no, absolutely not. Bridesmaid gifts are from the bride. That’s it. End of story. And those aren’t even like a guarantee. Every wedding that I’ve been in, There was a different type of gift. I never expected one from the bride, but the maid of honor never bought the gifts It’s not the maid of honor’s responsibility.
You got scammed You got used by a friend whoever you were the maid of honor for and I am so sorry you went into debt you guys Oh my gosh. I feel so bad for this bride. Here’s the thing. It’s hard when you are the first out of your friend group maybe like the first bride or you’re the first maid of honor or first bridesmaid and it’s hard to ask, like, what’s expected?
I don’t understand this. And then you say yes. And if you come from different backgrounds or you have different, finances, financial situations. It’s going to be hard to afford the same things. And especially I have found in your twenties, people are at just completely different levels. I was invited to a bachelorette party once, and I was a bridesmaid and they wanted to go to, I don’t even remember what it was, maybe Ibiza.
And I was like, you know what? You guys go and have a great time. I’m going to sit this one out because I don’t even remember how old I was. Maybe 27. I was like, I do not have the money to go to Ibiza. I just don’t. and it’s gonna be like a long, trip. I was just like, you know, if I’m gonna go out of the country, I’m gonna plan a trip with my now husband.
But, yeah, so We need to know our own limits and be okay with saying no to people because it’s just if the bride is expecting you to spend all that money and cares more about her day than your own finances and your own, your friendship, they’re not a friend. They’re not a friend.
Okay, this kind of goes into like both sections. So we’re gonna just gonna read this as a confession. I have a situation for you. My cousin was invited to be a bridesmaid at her friend’s wedding. At the time, the friend didn’t know what she was doing for the wedding. So it was just preliminary.
Later, the friend decided it was going to be a destination wedding. This significantly increased the cost of everything to do with the wedding. Yeah. Yeah, that one. My cousin had just bought a house and could not afford to be a bridesmaid anymore. She told her friend, and the girl said that she could take out a loan.
What? Take out a loan to be in the wedding? No, we’re not doing that. We’re not taking out loans for people. That is the worst financial advice I’ve ever heard. I’m not a financial expert, but I know that’s bad advice. My cousin right, rightly thought that was ridiculous and they haven’t spoken since. Okay.
This bride, this is a bridezilla. This is a bridezilla. We’re not doing that. We’re not telling people to get loans to be in our wedding. If someone says I can’t, like, if I really, really, really wanted someone to be there, like, let’s say it was like a best friend of mine, she said, Hey, I just bought a house.
I can’t afford to be there. I’d be like, you know what, let me cover it for you. Don’t worry about any expenses. If she still said no, I’d be like, you know what? support that. You’re still my friend. Like, let’s hang out another time. This is ridiculous. We are we’re not treating our friends that way. That is insane.
Okay. Segment number three, wedding 911. I got some listener disasters that we are going to talk through right now and, see what kind of advice I give them. And just a little disclaimer here. I’m no expert. I don’t give the best advice. I just give advice for what works for me. And a lot of times my advice might end with, well, whatever works best for you. So I’ll give some scenarios and, what I think might be a good idea. But you know your situation best. So more power to you. Here we go.
No More Pressure: Bridesmaid Boundaries 101
Help. The bride just told us we all have to wear shapewear and lose weight to look uniform. I’m sorry, in the bridesmaid dresses. No, I’m already saying no. I’m fuming. Do I push back or suck it up?
Suck it up? No, no, no, no, no, no, we’re not doing that. I would say thank you for your time. Thank you for your friendship gonna have to walk away now because a friend that cares more about my body size and my shape and a wedding dress does not care about me. There’s no sucking it up for someone like that. No, someone that literally tells you to lose weight I’m anti losing weight for your wedding.
I’m pro do what makes you feel the best for your wedding day, but we don’t need to shed for the wedding. unless that you or yourself are like, Hey, I’d like to like lose some weight. Sure. More power to you. But no, we’re not having people tell us that we need to lose weight. We need to love our bodies the way we love them.
Okay. Next one. My best friend is getting married. And she expects us to chip in for her dream bachelorette party weekend in Minocos. I love her, but I can’t afford this. How do I tell her without running the friendship? Okay. This is easy for me coming from an outside perspective. Cause I get it when it’s like your own friend, but your friend, that’s not your friend.
That’s not your friend. She expects you to chip in for her dream bachelorette.
I get it. So with all my, friend groups, when I was a bridesmaid, we would all chip in for these different bachelorette parties, split the cost amongst everyone that goes. Bridesmaids pay a little bit more because they like pay for the house. And I feel like every bachelorette party was a little bit different, but that’s going to be very expensive.
I mean, you’re talking a few thousand. Probably. And here’s the thing, too. Some brides get so caught up in the social media aspect of it. Like, they want to be influencers or they want to boast about it on social media. So they want the curated, gift bags. They want the curated setup. And that just takes away from the whole thing. And this is coming from someone that loves the creative part of it. I love putting stuff together. I love making those cute little gift bags. But if you make it more about let’s post on social media and go viral, or let’s have people like ooh and ah over it, that’s taking away from the actual experience of it.
It’s supposed to be about celebrating and like being friends, have a night away or a weekend away, whatever. so I would just tell her, you know, I love you. But just like you said, I love you. But I can’t afford this. I want to be there to support you in any way I can. but this is a little too much for me.
If you want to do that with your other bridesmaids and they can all afford it and are happy with it, then more power to you. Please do that. I feel like I’m saying more power to you a lot this episode. Please do that, and I would love to take you out for dinner. Blah, blah, blah. Like, for example, at my own bachelorette party, I gave no expectations. ‘I said, Hey, here’s three cities I would maybe want to go to for maybe like a long weekend.’ I told all of my bridesmaids, including my maid of honor. I said, don’t feel like you have to come, please, please. There’s no pressure to attend anything. my bridesmaids did not come and that was fine. It happens. It’s okay. One ended up coming to my town and we just went out to dinner and we had like a nice day, the two of us. I didn’t expect it. It was fine. Okay, so if telling your friend that ruins your friendship, then she wasn’t a friend to begin with.
Next one, our bridesmaid dresses came in and mine doesn’t fit at all the boutique messed up my order and now the bride is telling me I need to pay for a new one even though it wasn’t my fault. What do I do? Okay, if it’s in fact the boutique’s fault. Like, maybe they, ordered the wrong size, they messed up your sizing, they will order you a new one. I actually was a part of a wedding once where this happened to a friend of mine who was a bridesmaid as well, they ordered her a size 2 bra big I want to say or I can’t remember the too small or too big. And she had to go back and get them resized and they were going to order another one It was a boutique and they did it what will happen with that is they’ll just put that dress on the rack to sell at a discounted price I’m, no expert. I don’t know 100 but no. You shouldn’t have to pay for a new one if the boutique messed it up. So I would call them.
Okay, last one here is, uh, The bride just sent us a spreadsheet of wedding expenses and expects each bride to contribute 400 towards her hair, dress, and makeup. I’ve never heard of this. Do people actually do this? Okay, the only time I heard this happening is another crazy bridesmaid story where she was taking money from them and using it towards her wedding. So, no, this is not normal. You should not be paying anything for the bride. If anything, the bride should be paying for your hair and makeup.
So, we’re gonna say no to that. And, again, if she says, well, then you can’t be in the wedding, then you say, well, have a great day. I will look at the pictures later.
Okay, segment number four. Here we go. Bridezilla court. You be the judge. I did some research and I found a crazy Reddit story. This kept coming up as like a very crazy one. So here we go. I have not read the whole thing Let’s react you be the judge who’s in the wrong here.
16 Bridesmaids, 1 Nightmare Bride
This bride has 16 girls to be bridesmaids in the year and a half between the engagement and the wedding all But six dropped out Three of them were her sisters. Wait, so three of the six that dropped out were her sisters? Okay, that’s That’s a bad sign. What’s going on here? If she has 16 and 6 dropped out, I’m no math whiz, but that’s like 40%. She insisted on 16 different shades of blue and 16 unique dress styles for each bridesmaid. Then threw a fit when the store didn’t have that many options.
Well, why don’t you look first to see like, hey, does this store have, dress options and then we’re gonna like bring the bridesmaids in. That’s a lot of shades of blue. She’d probably want it to look like, dark to light and like they’re perfectly lined up. Like that’s like very I mean, that would look very beautiful.
However, it’s not really practical. I don’t know. She demanded that everyone pay for a week long bachelorette party in Vegas, including covering her share. Okay, so here’s the thing. I mentioned how all the bachelorette parties I’ve gone on, we cover for the bride. That’s just what we do. And I’ve paid everywhere from a couple hundred dollars.
Actually, probably the lowest was like a hundred dollars when I was 20. And all the way to probably like 1, 500, 2, 000 for like a full like week long trip that we did one time. That being said, the bride never, never said, you have to do this. The bride even tried to pay for her part. She did not demand that everyone had to come. She did not demand it was a week long. Like we planned all this stuff and it’s one of my best friends and all best friends went. So it was like a girl’s trip. that is insane.
She got angry when bridesmaids opted out. I was a single mom and college student at the time.Her parents gave her 20, 000 budget for the wedding, but she ended up spending 100, 000. How do you spend 100, 000 when you don’t have it? I don’t know. Also these days if she’s planning a big fancy wedding, 20, 000 unfortunately does not cover a lot. it’s insane how expensive they are. She insisted they cover the difference.
Okay, I don’t know how this parent -adult relationship works. They took out a loan and they are still paying it off. Okay, what’s with these loans? So she overspent for the wedding and her parents took out a loan to pay for it. See that is terrible. That’s the keeping up the Joneses things that I hate.
If you cannot afford it, Why are we having these crazy over the top weddings if you cannot afford it? At that point, it’s more about the show. It’s more about people’s perception of you and less about the actual marriage. And I swear, like, so many of these end up in divorce, like, I know that’s, very generalization, but like, because they don’t focus on the actual, like, hey, we’re stepping into marriage together. They’re like, literally just making it about this big day. Like, yes, we want the day to be special and exciting, and yes, it’s gonna be cost some money, but when you do all this, it’s like, no, that just takes away from it.
Okay, she wanted all the bridesmaids to have their hair color the same, and even asked the two blondes to dye their hair? They declined. Okay, the second I’m asked at my hair for a wedding, I’m out. Despite paying for nothing for the bridesmaids, traditionally the bride covers at least one expense, like dresses or hair and makeup. She demanded that we purchase specific shoes, jewelry, dresses, and cover our own hair and makeup.
So this is the thing too, Like in my own wedding, I had a makeup artist and I had a hairstylist. I said, you guys want hair and makeup, let me know. It is not a requirement. I had some that did their own hair and makeup. I had some that just did their own hair. Some that just did their own makeup. Whatever they wanted was up to them. I would never demand something and then not pay for it myself. Not pay for it for them.
Okay. On top of that, she required everyone to stay the entire weekend at the hotel where she was getting married. I don’t get this required thing. Like, how is she gonna, make you do that? In total, the cost excluding a wedding gift ended up being over 2, 000 per bridesmaid. That actually sounds low. When I look at all the things that she asked for, if you’re talking about a week in Vegas, that’s gonna be 2, 000 itself. Talking about flight, you’re talking about meals, you’re talking about hotel, that alone is gonna be like 1, 500 or 2, 000.
This was a largely poor to middle class area and most of us are college age. There is no way in college I would have been spending that. The bachelorette parties that I to in college were one night, we usually stayed at someone’s house or a cheap hotel, and we went to bars. That’s what we did. So I would maybe have spent a hundred dollars. Maybe two, depending on how crazy.
There’s no way I’ve been spending that in college. She also had three separate engagement parties and bridal showers. No, no, just, I don’t even know what to say to that. The final straw for me was that she demanded to review my toast a month before the wedding so she could edit it. So I’m guessing this is a maid of honor that wrote this. Then she completely rewrote it herself.
I don’t even have anything to say to this bride, because this is just all terrible. this is so terrible. Okay, someone writing a toast or a speech for your wedding or engagement party or whatever event is supposed to be, like, comes from their heart. They do it to say words that, mean something to them. To, like, make you feel good on your day. If you rewrite it yourself, what’s the point? literally, what’s the point?
Oh, here we go. At that point, I decided to skip the wedding altogether and ended our friendship. So, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. They did end up getting married, and six plus years later, he seems absolutely miserable.
So we’re looking from afar, it sounds like they’re not friends anymore. He looks miserable, so they spent all this money. so, I’m wondering if she’s one of the six that dropped out. I, gosh, I have so many questions, but I’m also like, this girl sounds terrible. It makes me wonder, like, if they had a feeling, gut feeling that this bride was gonna act this way, or if it was one of those where as soon as she got engaged, like, a bridezilla just turned on.
I’ve never experienced this first hand. All the times I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve never, never seen any of the brides act in this way. They’d all been friends I’d been friends with for a while. Some of the engagements were long, some were really short. They were all different, but. I had never seen bridesmaid behavior like this.
This is insane. Yeah, I would have been long gone. I don’t know about you guys.
Alright, segment number five. Here comes the roast. These are some savage wedding takes. I don’t know how savage I’ll get, but we’ll see. Alright.
Bridesmaids: Close Ties, Clear Expectations
Here’s my opinion. First things first, asking people to be in your wedding just because they’re family. Oh, I think I talked about this earlier, but no, if you’re not super close with someone or you just don’t want them in your wedding. You do not have to ask them because here’s the thing. I hear so many stories where the parents pressure siblings to ask, you know, the other sibling to be in the wedding maid of honor, best man and they purposely don’t ask them because they don’t have that relationship they can’t trust them with certain responsibilities and then when they give in and they have them in. They are so let down because they’re not giving the speech, they’re forgetting the rings, they’re forgetting their dress, they’re not eyeing on the dress, and I’ve seen it all before.
I saw one recently where she I was asked to have her sister in the wedding, her younger sister, who had little to no responsibilities. The sister just complained the whole time. Showed up with like a wrinkly dress, couldn’t even iron the dress. And it’s just, you gotta listen to your gut. I don’t think you should have someone in the wedding just because they’re family.
Okay. This next one. Ooh, okay. If you have 10 plus bridesmaids, you just wanted an audience. I disagree with this. I disagree with this. I’m sure it happens sometimes where you just ask people just to have a big wedding. But I’ve been in weddings where there were 12 bridesmaids and let me tell you the bride had a really close and great relationship with each person.
It was a big Italian wedding for a couple. I’m trying to think actually there’s been a few. Yeah, there was one with ten, one with eleven, one with twelve. I had nine bridesmaids, I know. but there’s some different like points in my life. So we’re talking about college friends, we’re talking about cousins, siblings, high school friends, post high school friends, and then like I have two sister in laws, so you have to think about just what makes sense for you. I’ve also been in weddings where there were just three bridesmaids, and that was awesome too. I’ve been to weddings where there’s no bridesmaids, so that’s such a general statement that I have to disagree with it because I’ve seen it firsthand where, like, one of my best friends, she had, ten, where it was sister, cousin, four from college, four from high school, and then a couple, and then, like, another friend. I think I’m adding that up right. yeah, so you just don’t really know.
Okay, next one. Bridesmaids shouldn’t be expected to get full glam. Yeah, I 100 percent agree with that. I think,if you expect them to have you better be paying for it. If not, no. but me personally, have them do what is comfortable for them. Because if they’re not used to wearing makeup, why make them wear makeup on your wedding day?
Last one. The maid of honor role should come with a salary. Oh my god, it’s hilarious. No, I I mean, it’s funny because like. The first time I was ever in a wedding, I was a maid of honor, so I was 20, for my sister. And the last time I was in a wedding, I was a matron of honor, and I was 6 or 7 months pregnant. it was completely different, and I’m also like, early 30s compared to years old.
So my expectations were different, the role was different, how much money I spent was different, right? But, I don’t think either of those times were the times I spent the most or did the most for the wedding. Just because it was different times in our lives, right? So I think you can be as involved as you want to be, and it just depends on the, bride you’re working with. But I get it. I get it. I think there needs to be clear transparency of what you’re expected of, and then if you cannot perform what they want, then we gotta say no.
Okay. Segment number six, the final segment, which I think you guys are all waiting for. You guys love these stories, and I love them too because it’s so fun to react. live with you guys. okay. So this is a final confession crazy wedding story. This was a story submission. Someone sent to me It’s doozy here. Okay. I’ve not read it. So let’s react together.
The Bridesmaid Who Didn’t Show: Dress Drama & No-Shows
I had a really good friend Lauren [names have been changed] who I asked to be my bridesmaid And I thought it’d be great since we got along so well. I struggled to pick a dress color for my bridesmaids because they all had different complexions and hair colors.
Two girls were pale with blonde hair, one was tan with blonde hair, one was pale with red hair, one was Hispanic with darker hair, and black hair. I finally settled on a pale mustard yellow dress with small floral details that I really liked. Since I knew not everyone would love my choice. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids as a gift.
Yeah. Okay. I think that’s fine. However, as soon as Lauren saw a picture of this dress, she threw a fit. I can’t imagine throwing a fit when you are a bridesmaid in a wedding for someone else, and they buy you the dress. I’m just like, you know what, girl, it’s your style, whatever. Yeah, maybe later I’ll be like, okay, it wasn’t the best fit for me, but whatever.
She said I was trying to make her look hideous. I tried to ignore her complaints since I had already bought the dress and all she had to do was pick it up from my house before the wedding. So I’m wondering how this all worked. Did they send you their measurements or did they go somewhere and get measured and you’re like, surprise, here’s the dress.
I’m one, like I said earlier, I’m one for her individuality. Let’s let them pick their own, style for their body type. And hard like finding a color that everyone likes and is gonna look good in. Mustard yellow. that’s a different color. I’ve, can’t say I’ve ever seen it as a bridesmaid dress, like personally.
So I get it, but hey. Again, if one of my best friends were like, Hey, this is the dress I want you to wear, I’d be like, let’s do it. since I got married in 2020, there were all kinds of lockdowns and restrictions, and the number of people allowed to gather kept changing. The general consensus was that groups of fewer than 10 people were okay as long as no one felt sick.
So my bridal shower was really just my bridesmaids and me prepping decorations and finishing last minute wedding projects. Side note, we had a very small, socially distanced ceremony followed by a drive thru reception. So it was completely safe, but I still had decorations to worry about. Okay, interesting. All my bridesmaids came over except Lauren. I assumed she was just running late, but as time passed, the rest of us got caught up in conversations and before I knew it, three hours had gone by and she still hadn’t shown up.
Okay, how do you, just completely forget about a bridesmaid? That’s crazy, but I mean, get like you’re just talking other people, but I feel like things were already rocky before if you weren’t noticing her there or kind of just slipped your mind.
She’s not very important. I don’t know. I hate to like throw that out there, but that’s the vibe I’m getting, she still hadn’t shown up. I called her freaking out because I thought she’d been in a car accident or something terrible had happened. She didn’t answer and I was genuinely worried. Then, 30 minutes later, she pulled up to my house in a brand new car. What? Apparently, she had decided on a whim to buy a car that afternoon and didn’t bother to let me know that she was running late. At that point, I was frustrated, but my wedding was the next day, so I just handed her the bridesmaid dress and told her I’d see her tomorrow.
Yikes, okay. so this is the shower, quote unquote, that happened the night before the wedding. This bridesmaid was already mad about the dress color, saying it’s, she wants her to look bad. It sounds like things weren’t really worked out beforehand. She’s not showing up to this, thing, but then the wedding is the next day. I don’t have hopes for her.
Okay, here we go. I was right. Well, she didn’t show up to the wedding at all. It turned out her parents were offended that I hadn’t invited them to the ceremony and didn’t want her to go without them. What?! Okay, I don’t know their relationship, but I can’t imagine any of my friend’s parents being so mad. Like, I invited my friend’s parents, yes. But I also didn’t get married in the height of 2020, right?
And I get, cutting back on your guest list, but I can’t imagine them being so mad. They’d be like, you know what? You can’t go without me. She’s a bridesmaid! She had a commitment. I know her parents and I would have loved to invite them, distancing rules still in place, we had to keep the guest list very small.
Only immediate family and the bridal party. So she did what she had to do. Between her parents being upset and her hatred of the bridesmaid dress, she decided not to come to the wedding or reception. Here’s my guess. The bridesmaid hated the dress. Complained to her parents and said, I don’t want to go to this wedding. This is going to be terrible. Found the least opportune time to buy this car. Made sure it took a little bit longer. Just in spite of the bride picking this, quote unquote, ugly mustard yellow dress. Then, when she, the parents had to have known a while back they weren’t invited. So she keeps bringing this up and then she’s probably like, wait.
You know, it’s really weird you guys weren’t invited to this wedding. I think she doesn’t like you guys or something. So then the parents are like, you know what? I don’t think you should go. This doesn’t sound like a good friend. Because you know what that’s what people do. They turn the story to make themselves sound like the hero of the story and the other person the villain, right?
So this bridesmaid is going to be telling her parents. This is a bridezilla over here. She got me this ugly dress. You weren’t invited. She hates you guys, you know? So yeah, that’s what I’m guessing. I’ve seen her a few times since then and we’re still friends. Okay, alright, I’m sure. I still had an amazing wedding day, but I really wish she would have been there when I got married. And I definitely wish I hadn’t spent money on a bridesmaid dress she probably donated to Goodwill without ever wearing, lol.
Yeah, so that’s the thing with bridesmaids, it’s like, you want to include them as much as possible to keep them kind of like a part of it and have their own personality. That’s my own personal take, but it’s a really kind gesture to buy all the dresses.
So. There’s like this happy medium of like you don’t want to give them so much Space where it’s like we’re just standing around trying to figure out the best dress because I’ve been there I’ve been bridesmaid dress shopping where you’re literally at the shop for like five hours everyone has a different opinion everyone’s different color different style no one’s happy by the end because it’s like you’re tired, you’re hungry, you’ve been trying on the same eight dresses, so the bride needs to have an idea of what she likes and then kind of throw it out there. But again, I’m that bridesmaid where if you give me a dress and I, unless it’s like completely revealing, I’ll wear it. You give me a dress, I’ll wear it. Like I’ll make it work.
Okay, that’s a crazy story. It’s funny because I when I was first kind of thinking about this episode and how I wanted to do these kind of patreon episodes I was talking about bridesmaids The first thing that came to mind is obviously the movie bridesmaids cuz that’s like an iconic movie, right?
Just think about all of those scenes. We’re talking about trying on bridesmaid dresses. I mean think of that scene everyone has different price ranges different body types different styles that appeal to them that’s a scene that keeps popping in my mind, like, it’s hard to please everybody.
Talking about all this makes me want to watch Bridesmaids because it’s like the most iconic movie I can think of when it comes to the challenges between different personalities and people competing for top place as a bridesmaid made of honor
was gonna do like a deep dive in the movie. I was like everybody’s seen that movie So I’ll just reference it as much as possible But yeah, I don’t know it’s crazy Alright guys, well, that was a crazy first episode, I hope you guys enjoyed me blabbing about these crazy confessions, crazy bridesmaid stories, and the reddit one that, like, is honestly insane.
The stories, I get sent are just over the top. so yeah, thank you guys for hanging out with me. If you made it to the end, consider yourself officially initiated into my wedding party inner circle, the VIP crew that gets all the juiciest drama before everybody else. But don’t go anywhere just yet because next month is going to be all about Groomsmen drama. Groomsmen confessions, behind the scenes, and more tea that you won’t wanna miss. So trust me, you’ll not want to miss this one. If you love this episode, do me a huge favor. Tell one friend about this Patreon, whether it’s in your group chat, your work bestie, or that one friend that’s been to way too many weddings, just spread the word.
It really helps. Word of mouth is the ultimate wedding party tradition, so let’s keep it going there. And hey, if you have a wild groomsman story. You want to send me for the next month’s episode, please send it my way. You can DM me on social media, drop it in our exclusive Patreon chat. There’s so many ways you can send me stories these days.
So I will find it if you try to send it to me, but until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. All right. Bye guys.
Rules of Engagement, Hot Takes, and A Sister Rivalry with Lucette Brown
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever been caught in sibling competition over life milestones?
In this episode, Christa Innis and Lucette Brown dive into one listener’s wild tale of wedding conflicts. They cover topics such as handling toxic relationships, sibling rivalry, and balancing personal happiness with family expectations. The episode also includes unpopular opinions on wedding traditions, a humorous take on wedding speeches gone wrong, and the pressures of planning events. The episode ends with a rapid-fire Q&A about event planning and a heartfelt discussion on maintaining supportive family relationships.
Join Christa and Lucette Brown as they unpack jealousy, toxicity, and the importance of support in family dynamics—plus, discover how to survive wedding chaos without losing your sanity.
JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:51 Weather Talk: Melbourne vs. Midwest USA
04:07 Life in Chicago
04:59 Lucette’s Career Journey
06:51 Balancing Motherhood and Career
10:30 Unpopular Opinions: Relationships and Weddings
23:27 Event Planning Rapid Fire
33:40 Accidental Committee President
35:00 Mom Life and Time Management
37:14 Wedding Story Submission
41:23 Sister Rivalry and Wedding Drama
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Engagement Jealousy – Listener feels overlooked as her sister gets proposed to first despite being “less established.”
- Diamond Drama – Comparison of a real diamond versus an Etsy ring sparks tension and hurt feelings.
- Dress Appointment Feuds – Fat-phobic comments create conflict between sisters during bridesmaid dress shopping.
- Wedding Route Differences – One sister chooses Vegas elopement while the other plans a traditional wedding, escalating rivalry.
- Maid of Honor Dispute – Listener isn’t chosen as sister’s maid of honor, highlighting boundary and favoritism issues.
- Family Dynamics & Toxicity – Pent-up anger and competition reveal deeper familial struggles.
- Lesson in Support – Christa and Lucette discuss the importance of healthy boundaries and emotional support.
- Wedding Speech Nightmares – Confessions of inappropriate, cringe-worthy wedding speeches illustrate common wedding missteps.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Everyone has different boxes to check, don’t compare your journey to theirs.” – Lucette Brown
- “Your feelings are always valid, but toxicity isn’t excusable just because it’s family.” – Lucette Brown
- “Let them be, sometimes you can’t force people into your bubble.” – Lucette Brown
- “If you’re unhappy with someone, either hash it out or step back.” – Lucette Brown
- “Just because someone’s your sister doesn’t mean they get a free pass to hurt you.” – Lucette Brown
- “If they can’t handle celebrating each other, just be guests at the wedding.” – Christa Innis
- “Pent-up anger doesn’t mix well with a bridal party; it’s a recipe for disaster.” – Christa Innis
- “It’s not about the diamond or the dress, it’s about who makes you feel supported.” – Christa Innis
- “Don’t hold resentment on your wedding day. Life’s too short for that.” – Christa Innis
- “Sometimes, cutting ties temporarily is the healthiest choice for both sides.” – Christa Innis
- “Not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.” – Christa Innis
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Lucette
Lucette Brown is a marketing professional with over 15 years of experience in the industry, focusing on digital and interactive channels. She has worked with senior staff members to achieve record sales, company growth, and strategic objectives. Lucette has extensive experience in wedding and event planning, which she translates into creative content through her TikTok and Instagram account. She also has training from Second City and iO Theater in Chicago, where she developed her storytelling skills. Currently based in Australia, Lucette continues to work in marketing and create content about the wedding and events industry.
Follow Lucette
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we have got a great episode for you today. Lucette Brown from Events and affairs is back and it’s well to think. She was actually my very first guest ever on the podcast, and we are coming close to a year of the podcast, which is just wild to think. The first episode came out January 23rd of this year, 2025. As I’m recording and yeah, we’re almost at a year of when it came out Les and I feel like I just talked to Issa. I mean, we see each other online all the time in chat, but um, it was so great catching up with her and we read a very wild, very long, very detailed story that I feel like you guys are gonna really get a kick out of because our opinions we’re very aligned in our opinion, but it might not be.
This response, you guys might think. So, uh, we got a lot to share, a lot of wild stories. And as always, Lou and as always, Lucette just has a lot of great stories and great opinions of per sleeve. So, without further ado, here is my interview with Lucette. Enjoy.
Christa Innis: Hi Lucette. Thanks for coming back.
Lucette Brown: No worries.
Christa Innis: I feel like it’s so funny ’cause we’ll always like start recording or we’ll start talking when we first hop on. I feel like we had a full conversation, but I’m just so happy to have you come back on. I’ve got my, yeah, thanks for
Lucette Brown: having me.
Christa Innis: Busy mom chic right now because we’re recording to match up our time zones.
You’re in Australia, which is awesome.
Lucette Brown: Yep. sunny in the afternoon here.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because you’re about you you were just saying you’re about to hit summer in Australia. Yeah, right.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Not that, I mean, I’m from Melbourne, so summer is a loose term at the moment. It’s been torrential rain. I feel like we’re still in winter, the rest of the country’s in summer, almost in summer.
Christa Innis: Oh God. is it kind of like cold and then rainy and then a little bit of warm weather? Or is it kind of just a mix?
Lucette Brown: no, Melbourne’s just all over the joint with its weather. yeah, we say that Melbourne is literally the four seasons in one day. and like, at my workplace, I’ll be chatting to my colleagues that are, you know, interstate and stuff.
They’ll be in Queensland and they just have beautiful sunshine weather. And then, you know, US people in Melbourne are just always rugged up.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You like never know what we’re gonna get.
Lucette Brown: No. But then we’ll get like, you know, two weeks of just like 40 plus degree days.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And
Lucette Brown: then we’re all just dying from the heat.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Four. Okay. So 40 degrees Celsius.
Lucette Brown: Celsius, yes.
Christa Innis: Gotta be little. What is that? 80? 80 degrees. I looked that up. 40 degrees.
Lucette Brown: I dunno if fa I think Farran has a little bit than four.
Christa Innis: Whoa. Okay. It’s really hot. Yeah, I’d be inside. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I used to be able to tolerate hot weather so much better when I was younger.
And I try not to complain now, but like, I can’t handle it as well. I get sick.
Lucette Brown: I’m not built for the heat.
Christa Innis: Ugh.
Lucette Brown: Like I’m built for, you know, Scotland Island. I’m not built further. my body is not built for the, hot climate, but
Christa Innis: Oh my. Here we are. Here we are. We just do a with. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I’ll go out with sunscreen on and I’ll come back.
Burn.
Christa Innis: Oh. So,
Lucette Brown: oh
Christa Innis: my gosh.
Lucette Brown: I need sunscreen layers and shade. Get, I’ll make good.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, that’s so funny. I know, like where I live, I’m in the suburb or I guess like the Midwest of the United States. I was like, trying to think of what suburb, and we kinda get all the seasons too. Like you never really know what you’re gonna get.
Like we’ll get cold summers and then sometimes we’ll get. We won’t get snow until like January or February. So I don’t really trust any season anymore.
Lucette Brown: No.
Christa Innis: You know what, take it day by day. We had 80. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Everyone’s like
Christa Innis: until October this year. So
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Everyone’s like, what season are you? I’m like, I don’t know.
It’s still cold.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So what’s is that In Chicago.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m not in Chicago. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but I’m like, I’m like two and a half hours from Chicago now.
Lucette Brown: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause that’s, I lived in Chicago for almost a year.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah, we talked about this. That’s awesome.
That’s, you did, that’s of fun city, didn’t you?
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Second City improv, IO theater, all that kind of stuff. So I just lived in, old town.
Christa Innis: Okay. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, I was just there downtown last weekend and I haven’t had like a full day in Chicago in a long time. I met with my best friend there and no kids, no husbands, and it was just like,
Lucette Brown: oh, fun.
Our
Christa Innis: oyster. Like, what are we gonna, it was almost like we’re so used to like, momming or just having schedules that we were like, what? What do we do? What do we do?
Lucette Brown: What do we do? Well, our oyster, we can do whatever we like.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It was wild.
Lucette Brown:
From Weddings to Motherhood
Christa Innis: So for anyone that did not listen to your previous episode that you were on, you kind of done a little bit of everything.
I know you did events as well. Can you just give a little rundown of who you are, what you do, what you have done, and
Lucette Brown: Yep.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Mixed bag. well, essentially I was in the. Wedding and event industry for just over 13 years. so my very first job was a very kind of mixed bag. So it was at, I suppose I can say the places, ’cause it’s not like I’m working there now.
I never know like whether you’re allowed to say, but I’m like, you could easily find it if you were just to do a quick Google search. So, my first job was at the state library, of Victoria. And that was a very kind of mixed bag of like music concerts, press releases, weddings, lots of different things.
it became very popular, when sex in the city became big and Carrie got married, at the state library, but married, she got left at the state library, but a lot of people wanted to be like her. So it was funny, our inquiries. Went through the roof, for that. ’cause it had like the marble staircase and everything like that.
So a lot of people wanted like the sex and the city moment.
Christa Innis: So it looks like the wedding that she had, are we talking the like with big
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Where she gets left?
Christa Innis: Yes. Was that so it, I know,
Lucette Brown: uh, yeah, similar. So it’s got like the marble staircases that lead up to, like the old 1850s part of the state library and stuff.
so like very different but also similar parts of it. but yeah, so then, you know, went to lots of different places and then, Kind of left the Melbourne City area and kind of worked at venues down, I live on the Mornington Peninsula, so, down this way. And then, yeah, just kind of really honed in and just focused on weddings.
and then, yeah, had my daughter and tried to juggle a little, but the 14 hour days just weren’t, just, wasn’t it anymore. So I lasted until she was probably about six months and then yeah, did a bit of a career change.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a lot. Especially like when they’re so small and you’re trying to balance it all.
And like you said, 14 hour work days, that’s a lot.
Lucette Brown: Just not, just not it.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So it was a bit hard to kind of, because I suppose for me, like the weddings and the clients were kind of like my babies in a sense. And then, yeah, once I kind of had a baby, I couldn’t. give them everything that I was so used to being able to give.
so yeah, it just, it was at a crossroads and it was just kind of like, no, I need to. I need to stop this while it’s still, you know, good and, you know, ending on, on good terms and stuff. and then, yeah, just kind of pivoted. Not to say I won’t ever get back there. for now my life kind of needed to change a little bit.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m glad you were able to like, figure that out for yourself and make that change. ’cause I feel like it’s hard to have that realization. ’cause I feel like after you have a baby, it’s like your priorities change in different ways. Mm-hmm. You don’t always
Lucette Brown: expect so much.
Christa Innis: I remember like when I was pregnant talking to a friend that just had a baby who owned her business, and I was like, I don’t know how I’m gonna work and take care of a baby. No. she’s like, something clicks where like your priorities change. And then when you do have time, you’re present with them when you have free time, she’s like, you’re just very focused.
You’re like, let’s get this done while you have time.
Lucette Brown: Oh. I say, yeah, there’s no one more productive than, a mom. Like, you know, I look at like how long it used to take me to get things done at like my jobs and stuff. And now I’m just like, man, I wasted a lot of time. I know,
Christa Innis: I know. It’s funny ’cause someone was just asking me like, they’re like, what does your work week look like?
And I was like, honestly, no two weeks are the same. I said, but when I get a good two hours that I know I focus, I just like B boom, boom. Yeah. Nothing else can bother me.
Lucette Brown: You can smash a lot out.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like I used to be the person where if a text came through I had to respond right away. Now I can’t entertain a text because I know I’ll get distracted and you’ll get lost in the realms of your phone.
I’m like, if I’m into something I have to just like focus or else I get too.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or two shiny things. I’ll just be like, oh. And then I, they’ll be like, um, hello? And I’m like, oh, I’m so sorry. Circling back.
Christa Innis: Yes. like I did for this, um, invite to our Zoom call. I literal
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Well, and yeah, and me responding to your message.
Christa Innis: Wait, we, I was like,
Lucette Brown: oh, I haven’t heard from Crystal.
Christa Innis: Well, we like booked. It’s
Lucette Brown: like, that’s because I haven’t responded. That would be on me.
Christa Innis: No. But I, I looked back and I created it for Monday. So the day I sent the link, I created it for that day. And I was like, girl, what are you doing? But it’s just one of those things, like,
Lucette Brown: I was actually sitting here at 11:00 AM my time, and I was like, already. And I’m like, Hmm. And then it’s like, oh, that’s not the right time. And then you popped up and I was like, oh, well,
Christa Innis: I was like, I think I messed up the time zone. But we just figure it out. We always figure it out.
thanks for being here.
We gotta do another, it’s okay.
Lucette Brown: It’s fun.
Wedding Stress & Boundaries
Christa Innis: I was just thinking we gotta do another skit because I remember we did one a little after you were on the podcast and I was thinking like by the time this comes out to, I don’t know the exact date, but it might be close to a year of like your initial episode, which is wild to think.
Lucette Brown: That is wild
Christa Innis: because you were one of the first That’s nuts. Episodes in like,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: January or February.
Lucette Brown: That’s so awesome. Congratulations on getting to a year. It’s wild. That’s awesome.
Christa Innis: Thanks. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I just started. I feel like I’m still a beginner.
Lucette Brown: That’s right. I feel like that’s everyone.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Just figuring out like Stay outta time, but I was like, oh wow. I think she might actually be like right around the same time as last time. Okay. Let’s get into this new segment. Actually, let’s do unpopular opinions. This is a little, it’s kind of a similar segment, but these are gonna be popular, unpopular relationship and drama takes.
So share thoughts on these that people send. Long engagements aren’t a red flag. They’re financially smart.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I mean, technically my husband and I are still engaged because we never got married.
Christa Innis: Oh, there you go.
Lucette Brown: Like legally We got married overseas. so Oh,
Christa Innis: you had a destination wedding?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: like a certificate, a marriage certificate?
Lucette Brown: yeah. So you are supposed to, so if you get married in a.
Like a different country. You can get married legally in that country, but you always still have to get married legally in your country.
Christa Innis: Oh.
Lucette Brown: And you still gotta fill out all the paperwork we never did it. so we got married in 2019, so right before, you know, the whole world changed Uhhuh and it just, yeah.
We never, I chatting to people who did destination weddings, everyone was like, do the paperwork first because you just, you won’t do it afterwards. And I’m like, yeah, it doesn’t really bother me. Whatever. Like, we’ll do it if we do it. And Yeah. No, I even had, at my job, I would have celebrates be like, I will come to your house and we will just do it.
Like, it’ll be easy and simple. And I’m like, yeah, we’ll get to it. it was just, I’m like, yeah, but then I gotta get witnesses. I got people around and like at that stage. Especially being in Melbourne, we were in and out of stage four lockdowns. Oh my. Which, unless you’re from Melbourne, you don’t understand what that means, which you should be very thankful.
but yeah, so it was just, yeah. So technically we’re still engaged
Christa Innis: and yeah. In the country you reside, you’re still engaged, but where’d you get married?
Lucette Brown: Bali.
Christa Innis: Bali. So if you go there, you’re still legally married?
Lucette Brown: No, we also didn’t get legally married there either.
Christa Innis: So you’re just,
Lucette Brown: we just had a party. one of my best mates, married us. and like in Australia it’s very different. It’s not like America where you can kind of just get like ordained online. You’ve gotta do like a full course. Mm-hmm. And it’s quite a lengthy process to be able to legally marry people in Australia.
and it’s quite expensive, so. Yeah. No, one of my mates just married us.
Christa Innis: I love it. But you know what, it’s like you guys did a party and an event that you really enjoyed, like for yourself ultimately. And that’s,
Lucette Brown: yeah, that’s all we kind of wanted. We just wanted the big party.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I think with you probably working in stuff and weddings, you’re like, I know exactly what I want.
I’m not gonna cater to other people. This is gonna be our event. And I feel like you said last
Lucette Brown: well, and two, I didn’t wanna get married. Here because I can’t, I knew all of the suppliers, like the venues and stuff, and to me, especially like being like a people pleaser, I couldn’t bear the thought of being like, oh, well I picked you and I didn’t pick you, and Oh wow.
You know? Sorry. I had so many beautiful relationships with so many people, the thought of having to like, choose, I was just like, nah, too high basket. I’m just going to go to a different country.
Christa Innis: That is such a good point. That’s like,
if all your friends were, I mean, I don’t even know, like a dress designer or something, you know, like if you work with someone so close, then you’re like, I can’t, then they’re clearly, clearly gonna know who my favorite is or, you know, something
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like that. You’re like, I can’t. Yeah, that’s a really good point. I didn’t think about that.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, so the only, like, we flew over the catering and then I flew over the musician. and then that was kind of it. Everyone else was. Supplies over there.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Wow. That’s a great point though about the long engagements.
Like when anytime I post like anything about like people waiting a while to get engaged or people waiting while to get married, people have so many opinions about it and I’m like, every situation is completely different. Oh, a hundred percent are different. It’s just like I don’t get how people can get so up in arms about like, ‘ cause like my husband and I are like the opposite.
We’re, I dunno if it’s the opposite, but like we dated a long time before we got engaged. Like we were together or six years before we got engaged. We always knew we were going to, but like I was 23 when I met him, so I was like, I don’t wanna get married anytime soon.
if I do skits or people get married or like get engaged after like a long time, they’re like, red flag, red flag.
And I’m like, that’s not always the case. Like I know people that started dating 16, like give people a break.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Literally. Well I think, yeah, my partner and I. We’ve been together 14 years now. We’ve been married for six. So we got engaged after eight years.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And yeah.
Christa Innis: doesn’t determine like your strength as a couple.
Lucette Brown: No. we had a lot of strong opinions. I think people have just accepted it now ’cause it’s been six years and they’re like, yeah, whatever. but we had a lot of strong opinions when people found out we weren’t legally married.
Christa Innis: Really?
Lucette Brown: And people were like, so what did we go to? we went to our wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And people were like, well, no we didn’t. You’re not legally married. And we’re like, we are like,
Christa Innis: well, and it’s like for us, like how many couples have you followed up with that you’ve been to their wedding to be like, did you file the paperwork? Like no one. I know I didn’t.
Lucette Brown: No, it’s only came out because obviously we got married internationally.
So people were like, oh, how does that work? And then, you know, it’ll obviously come up. And then, yeah. Some people, especially like, you know, the older. The older generations in that were kind of a bit, yeah. Got real funny about it. And especially ’cause, you know, they had to fly to another country and stuff.
And we were like, yeah, how awesome is it that we all got to fly to Bali and we all got to have this amazing holiday all together. Like, when else are we ever gonna do that? And how awesome it is that we got to have this huge party.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like let’s focus on the positives people.
Christa Innis: Like why, why are we complaining about that?
Lucette Brown: Why are you complaining? Like I think that’s a crazy thing.
Christa Innis: That’s an amazing
Lucette Brown: trip. Yeah.
Christa Innis: I wanna
Lucette Brown: call. We had an amazing holiday. None like that whole group of people will never be in Bali together probably again.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So, yeah.
Lucette Brown: but we had a lot of, a lot of strong opinions on that.
Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting.
But really nothing surprises me anymore. People just have a lot of opinions about
Lucette Brown: people have opinions on everything.
Christa Innis: Yeah. okay. This one says. not inviting toxic family members is self-care, not drama.
Lucette Brown: A hundred percent.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Straight down the middle with that. Get rid of the toxicity. Get rid of the toxic family members.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I think like 10 years ago, me would’ve been like, oh no. Like you have to have them now. Uh, no. I just don’t have the space all time.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say that it’s not worth it. One of the benefits of like not getting in my own personal, I’m not saying it didn’t work for some people getting married young, but for me personally, if I would’ve gotten married really young, like when I first met my now husband, I feel like I would’ve been such a people placer.
Like, yeah, okay. Yeah. And like invite every friend or every person I ever had like a hangout with, you know?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I would’ve had way too many bridesmaids that maybe weren’t super close or great friends just ’cause I was like, I don’t wanna leave anybody out, but. Getting married when I did, I was more like, no, this is what I want.
I haven’t talked to that person in a couple years. They’ve never reached out. You know, we’re not gonna invite. Not
Lucette Brown: worth it.
Christa Innis: Just,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: Easier a little bit.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: All right, last one. The real red flag is how someone might handle wedding stress. Us.
Lucette Brown: I don’t know because I’ve seen like the most beautiful people as like my clients and stuff who have been like so nice and so lovely, and then come to like, the week of their wedding. Like it’s just like someone else goes over them, like the stress gets to them and stuff, and it’s just.
Yeah. I don’t know. So I think people handle stress different.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And I don’t know necessarily whether that’s a red flag or not. Maybe just something they need to personally work on.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I
Lucette Brown: know. Something that, you know, we can overcome.
Christa Innis: Right. I know you would hope, like if, you know, you’re like high strung around stress or like stressful situations make you act a certain way.
Like you have like a support group around you. Yeah. And my thing is just don’t be mean to people when you’re stressed. No.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s the same for like the quote unquote, like Karen’s or something. No offense to anyone named Karen that’s listening, but it’s like those videos where they’re like stressed ’cause like their food came out wrong or you know, something like dumb like that and they freak out on someone, helping them.
That’s what I don’t have sympathy for. if you’re gonna be rude or mean to someone just because you are stressed or you’re going, or like you’re late so you’re like honking your horn at somebody like
Lucette Brown: mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: Take a breather.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: You can still be nice. And
yeah,
Lucette Brown: and I think that was, the time again, like COVID hit and stuff and in Melbourne we had to cancel all of our weddings and stuff.
And being on the end of that and having to call all of the couples, like people who literally were having weddings in two days. And I was just like, yeah, your wedding’s not going ahead. Oh my God. and like some of the people were so beautiful. Like you’ve literally called them, they have been planning this wedding for, God knows how long their wedding is supposed to be happening in two days and like now it’s not happening.
And not only that, I don’t know when it can happen because the problem we had is obviously like you’re canceling all these people, but like we’re already booked up for, two, three years. So then you are having like. The COVID backlog trying to deal with that and stuff. And that was probably like how people handled that situation.
I still remember the people who got and like, rightfully so like, yeah, okay. Get angry, but like, they would get like horrendously angry like at me and I’m like, I’m not the one putting, putting us, you know, this isn’t, it’s not my personal fault.
I’m just having to relay the information.
Yeah. I’m not, not me. I’m just relaying just relaying the information.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Um, so yeah, that was probably, ’cause you know, like who in their wildest dreams would’ve ever thought that was ever gonna be something that Right. We would have to deal with. and then yeah, having to make those phone calls. and then yeah, seeing how people dealt with that.
It was like, yeah, like very beautiful humans that were just okay. It is what it is.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like it sucks and I’ll cry about it, but can’t change it.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Whereas some people are like, no, I’m getting married. I’m like, no, I’m sorry, but no, you’re not.
Christa Innis: Sorry.
Lucette Brown: Fuck. I hate to break it to you, but
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Uh, no, it’s not happening.
Christa Innis: That has to be a really stressful phone call for you to make. I feel like especially you’re saying you’re a people pleaser or like have that tendencies, like,
Lucette Brown: oh, anxiety just,
Christa Innis: oh, I already hate the phone. So doing that, knowing you’re telling them something bad that’s,
Lucette Brown: oh, it was. And like, I think they knew, ’cause obviously like there were press releases at the time and, it was being announced that this was happening.
you would know you were about to get the phone call, but yeah. And then you’d just be on the other end and sometimes you’re just listening to like just sobbing and you’re just like, okay, well I’ve got about a hundred more of these phone calls to make, so bye.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’m sure by the last one you’re just like, I’m sorry, this is it.
Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m done.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: I’m
Christa Innis: done. Oh my gosh. Gosh. That was like,
Lucette Brown: I was trying to like pass it on to like my colleagues and stuff, but because like I was the manager in that, they’re like, Nope, that’s a you problem. I’m like, yep, fair enough.
Christa Innis: Got it.
Lucette Brown: Fair enough. I’d do the same thing too. Gosh,
Christa Innis: gosh. That like reminds me of I feel like some of the most stressful calls I had to make was when I used to work for a gym.
I worked in like the corporate office. So like I was not in the gym, did not work with the clients, but every once in a while I had people calling the corporate office complaining about like a membership thing. Like maybe they didn’t cancel in time had to be like, sorry, it’s in your contract, blah, blah, blah.
Like I don’t even remember the term, but I had people scream at me on the phone. I was like, I did not sign you up for this contract. I am literally in the corporate office. And then I. This lady,
Lucette Brown: I didn’t write the contracts.
Christa Innis: I was like, I don’t agree with it either, but I’m really relaying the iteration, like it was a terrible, toxic job.
Hated it. but I remember this one time, I was already having like a rough day. Like the boss was terrible. he yelled at me for just having a bad day. Like he literally, so I was already having a bad day. This lady is screaming at me on the phone and I just started crying and the lady was like, okay, you know what?
I’m,
Lucette Brown: I’m, I’ll keep my contract. Thank you. Sorry. Signed me up for another 12 months. It’s fine.
Christa Innis: No, she literally did was like, okay, sorry sweetie. I didn’t make fina make you cry. And I was like, it’s just been a rough day. Gosh.
Lucette Brown: Like people forget, like the people you’re abusing are humans and like a lot of the times the people you’re abusing don’t have the power to change anything.
Yeah. Like,
Christa Innis: like,
Lucette Brown: and like the 16 year olds behind the coffee counter, and they’re just like. Here’s your coffee.
Christa Innis: You’re like, dude, I work, like I work here after school. Like I, yeah. Doing what I can. I cannot make any changes.
Lucette Brown: No.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Dunno why you’re abusing me, but thanks.
Christa Innis: Yeah, thanks. Oh my gosh, it’s wild.
Last-Minute Saves & Meltdowns
Okay, before we get to this week’s wild story, I wanna do a quick, little quick, might be redundant, but a rapid fire event planning edition. So I’m gonna ask a random question and we’re just gonna try to be as quick as possible. Okay. You ready? No pressure. I’m saying like high stress moments
Lucette Brown: first that pops into my head.
Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s one vendor? Red flag?
Lucette Brown: Not being flexible.
Christa Innis: Ooh. What’s a client
Lucette Brown: like? Their way or the highway?
Christa Innis: Yeah. What’s a client? Red flag
Lucette Brown: Entitlement.
Christa Innis: Hmm. Funniest guest request you’ve ever gotten?
Lucette Brown: Oh God. I know this is supposed to be a quick fire and this is not quick fire.
Christa Innis: If you can’t think of one, it’s okay to like pass to
Lucette Brown: No, it’s more, I’m trying to think of like, what would be the top, like we’ve had people request to do, magic shows, comedy acts, dances. We had people, there’s always a people who request to sing and they can’t sing.
And I’m always asking why.
Christa Innis: Oh, do they try to do it behind the bride and groom’s back, like out as a surprise?
Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. As a surprise.
Christa Innis: Oh. How do you work that out? Do you have to like ask the bride and groom for permission?
Lucette Brown: it depends on the client. Like, because you, you know, you’re spending up to two years with these people, so you really do get to know them on like a personal level.
Yeah. Um, and yeah, it would depend on the couple, whether I would be like, oh, they would love that, or no, let’s maybe think of a different situation where that might work. maybe not at their wedding. but yeah,
Christa Innis: that’s,
Lucette Brown: wow. So it’s the people who can’t sing,
Christa Innis: I
Lucette Brown: just, they’re like, I’ll sing.
Christa Innis: They’re like, for my first act, I’ll be singing at their reception right in front of them.
I’m
Lucette Brown: gonna start singing.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I just read a story where a mother, yeah, I was a bride’s mom. Planned this whole thing, like took over the whole wedding and then sang for like, I wanna say it was like 30 minutes for like everybody. And there was like nothing they could do. The bride didn’t want it, but like she was the one that booked everything.
Did everything. So she made it like her event, and they were like,
Lucette Brown: see, we have had those scenarios before where I have literally just pulled the plug
Christa Innis: Really?
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my.
Lucette Brown: And I’ve done it on a DJ before too.
Christa Innis: A dj. What’d the DJ do?
Lucette Brown: They were singing when they went to, they were singing? Yeah.
Christa Innis: Why was the DJ singing?
Lucette Brown: Just felt like it felt moved by the music. And I looked at the, I looked at the couple and like, she’s just like looking at me and I’m like, is this like, I walked up to her and I was like, is this supposed to happen? She’s like, no. And I’m like, is this part of the service? And she goes, no, I don’t want them to be singing.
I’m like, oh, okay. And I like tried to like in between, I was like, okay. I love that you are trying to add a different level to this wedding. Like, fantastic. Um, but could we not, like, could we just stick to DJing? That would be great, but they just wouldn’t listen. and then it like gets to the point where it’s just like, yeah, okay, you’re being paid for a service.
You are not listening to me now.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: I’m done. So I just pulled the microphone and I’m like, put your DJ music back on please. And just walked away. That is
Christa Innis: wild. To be like, because
Lucette Brown: I was like, whatever. I was like, I’ll be the bad guy. that’s fine. The couple are here to, you know, this is their wedding day.
and then yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my
Lucette Brown: God. Safe to say that they weren’t exactly Welcome back at the venue.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s wild. To just start singing as the dj.
Lucette Brown: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Like, oh, I
Lucette Brown: can s better than,
Christa Innis: uh, Whitney Houston over here. Just lemme
Lucette Brown: know. Yeah. Felt moved by the music and just whipped out a microphone and started singing.
Christa Innis: Wow. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it all. Let’s see. best last minute save. You’ve pulled off.
Lucette Brown: Ooh,
Christa Innis: I know these, some, these are like hard and like detailed.
Lucette Brown: Probably the one that probably comes to mind was ages ago. and it was at the state library and how it works is like the whole place is on like four blocks, in the Melbourne CBD and we had a huge power outage, but only half of the library was part of the power outage.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: And we had this huge, corporate event, which was this huge like launch for, I won’t say the client, but huge like product launch, all that kind of stuff. And it was happening in like an hour. I was on the phone and unfortunately, like they couldn’t say.
When we were getting power. ’cause obviously we are very low on the list, for when people get their power back and stuff. And they couldn’t give us a time estimate. So we had to completely relocate to a completely different, area in the library. And then with no power. Like with no power.
We had no lifts and we were trying to get ovens and stuff up, the mumble staircases and stuff, and we had to use ramps and it was just like pulling out every trick in the book Oh my To pull the event off. And literally as the event, it all got pulled together as the guests were arriving.
Christa Innis: Whoa.
So just in the naked time?
Lucette Brown: Just in naked time.
Christa Innis: Wow.
Lucette Brown: So that was like, I was what, I think it was like when all this was happening. So you put
Christa Innis: like, fresh in like,
Lucette Brown: yeah, fresh in thinking on my toast. I do remember like pushing ovens up on like planks of wood trying to get like, not, not oh HNS, you gotta get what you gotta get done.
So that was probably the best last minute save off the top of my head.
Christa Innis: That’s wild. That’s a good example. have you ever had to hide a meltdown from a client?
Lucette Brown: A lot,
Christa Innis:
Lucette Brown: Too many to count. So many, so many meltdowns from family members, even like meltdowns from brides who didn’t want their guests to see.
but yeah, the most recent venue I worked at, we had like a little kind of like cottage, which we could put people in. but yes, we would have to move a lot or like, not just meltdowns, just like. Family who’ve gotten too heated and we’re like, okay, we need to separate you guys. and then, yeah,
Christa Innis: it’s like a whole,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
That would happen more often than not. Oh
Christa Innis: my gosh. It’s wild.
Lucette Brown: Weddings, place of love.
Christa Innis: Nice. It’s like a high stress, like any kind of issue or problem gets all just brought to the surface and
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And we would have so many too during the ceremony, and especially come like summertime and you’ve got a ceremony outside and if it’s, you know, a ridiculously hot day and you’ve had people who haven’t eaten and they’ve just been drinking and they haven’t necessarily drunk water, like people just like passing out during the ceremony.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.
Lucette Brown: So that would happen a bit as well.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Lucette Brown: It would go too hard on the pre-drinks.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure that’s pretty common. I’ve seen it happen at a lot of weddings.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: they run wild, you know. Yeah. Bars are open, drinks are flowing. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: this is before our bra even opened.
This is like their own, their own bars been opened
Christa Innis: right. To the hotel or something. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. what’s a wedding trend? You’re over?
Lucette Brown: Hmm.
God
probably, it might be, but wedding favors like Ardi.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s a
Lucette Brown: lot. I just think it’s the price per head is just astronomical these days. I don’t think you also need to be buying your guest a present, which just gets left.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’ve seen some really cool favors and they’re fun, but I feel like for the most part, they get left behind or
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: Just kinda like, don’t care about them. There’s certain people and I feel like it’s, maybe it’s ’cause it’s like, I love crafts and I love like little trinkets. So for me it’s like, oh, like I remember this from my friend’s wedding. But I would say majority of people are just kind of like, okay. Or they like leave them behind.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. and two, the amount of it would get to the point where you’d be like, towards the end of the wedding season and the staff were even like, I can’t take any more wedding papers home. Like, and the couples would be like, please, like, we don’t want them. And the staff are like, I don’t want them either.
Christa Innis: I don’t need another bottle opener or a cozy,
Lucette Brown: no, I don’t need another, stubby holder. I don’t need another, you know, so many things that people would have. I’m like, I just, we are good. Thank you. Of like a couple that you don’t really actually know.
Christa Innis: okay. we were talking before we started about different phrases from different countries and
Lucette Brown: Oh God, it’s stubby holder, isn’t
Christa Innis: it?
Stubby holder. So the only reason I know what that is now is because someone submitted a, I wanna say it was a story to me. I couldn’t remember if it was an unpopular opinion of a story. And I was reading, I was like, stubby holder, I gotta look that up. and I was like, oh, okay. Because we call ’em like beer coozies.
I’m thinking that’s what, ah, it like, it goes with a beer bottle.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. It’s a sleeve. It’s like an insulated sleeve that you can hold your cold beer.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. And
Lucette Brown: yeah, a stubby holder.
Christa Innis: That sounds so much better than a coat. Cozy. I dunno. I
Lucette Brown: know. Cozy sounds cute though. Stubby holders just like, yeah.
I don’t know. That’s Aussie slang for you.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Stubby. Stubby holder.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I
Lucette Brown: Beer.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that used to be a very common, the last couple weddings I went to, I got like. I did get a cool, like beer, gosh, now I don’t know the term of it. Like kinda an old fashioned like beer mug, which was kind of cool.
Lucette Brown: Ah, yeah. In
Christa Innis: one wedding. I don’t know. I’d been so long since I’ve been like at a wedding as a guest. I just helped with a wedding like over the summer. I don’t remember what the beavers were. I don’t remember.
Lucette Brown: Oh, I’m very excited. We were about to go, oh, we
Christa Innis: did a flower bar.
They did a flower bar.
Lucette Brown: A flower bar. Oh yes. We used have the, yeah. Grand flowers and stuff. Yep.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: we had a few we had a lot of flower bars. I’m about to go to a wedding in about two weeks of one of the colleagues that I used to work with at
Christa Innis: Oh, fun.
Lucette Brown: The most recent wedding place I worked at.
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s fun. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: So that’ll be fun.
Christa Innis: Have you,
Lucette Brown: it’s always weird been on the other side.
Christa Innis: Yeah. To Do you think you like notice more things than like,
Lucette Brown: oh, a hundred percent. I try not to, and like I try to like switch it off and stuff. And I remember I was at one of my best friend’s wedding just recently and I was there and like I knew like the celebrate and everything, like we were chatting and stuff and you know, I was like, oh, like, you know, what can I do and everything.
And they kept going, just stop, go and enjoy yourself. And I’m like, okay,
Christa Innis: yeah,
Lucette Brown: sorry, forgot.
Christa Innis: You know, I had that problem for the longest time where I would be like. A guest invited to the wedding, not in the wedding party, but I would find some way to like help. Not like I was like overbearing and being like, look, no,
Lucette Brown: like I’m just like, yeah, like what can I do?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I’d be like texting the friend and being like, Hey, can’t wait for your wedding. I’m so excited. If you need anything, let me know. And they’d be like, oh. And I’d be like, just chatting with them. I’d be like, do you need help with that? Because there’ve been a few weddings where I’d be talking to the bride just like a friend of mine they’d be like really stressed about stuff.
And I was like, girl, what can I do to help? So I’d like go over there and help. And they’d be like,
Lucette Brown: yeah,
Christa Innis: why are my bridesmaids not even helping and you’re helping? I’m like, I don’t know. I just like enjoy doing it. My husband’s like, how’d you get involved again? And I’m like, I don’t know. I like doing stuff like that.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, just what happens.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: It’s just part of it. That was, now that my daughter is in kindergarten and she’s just started and like my husband was like. whatever you do, like please don’t, please don’t join the committee. And I’m like, no. Like I don’t have time to be on the committee. Like it’s all fine.
And then last year I went to like the big A GM that they had and I thought I was like signing up to create like a group WhatsApp account for like the moms and stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll do that. Like that’s fine, I’ll do that.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And then one of the moms I was with was, she was like, oh congratulations, you’re on the committee.
I’m on the what now? And she’s like, you just signed up for the committee? And I’m like, no, I signed up to create a WhatsApp group. And she goes, yeah, that’s on the committee. I’m like,
Christa Innis: you are
Lucette Brown: part of, okay great. flash. And I was telling like when I was with all my friends, like, ’cause we’ve been friends for like 20 plus years now, and I was saying, you know, like I’m not being on the committee.
Like it’s not happening. And one of my mates, he’s like, doll. You’ll be president of the committee. Like before I know it and I’m like, no I won’t. Like no, I don’t have time. Flash forward to now and I am now the president of the committee.
Christa Innis: Oh my Lucy. You’re like Al, I just made time. I figured it out. Wait, what’s time? It went from you? What’s his?
Lucette Brown: Aries.
Christa Innis: Aries. Oh, Aries get stuff done. They really do.
Lucette Brown: Okay. Well it went from being the WhatsApp group to then being the fundraising person and like doing all the events and stuff. And then now I’m, yeah, the president.
Christa Innis: Oh my. You’re like, who me? don’t know.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. I was like, no, I don’t have time. And they’re like, all my friends who like know me more than me are like, please, yes you will be. You will be on that. You will be on that committee. I’m like, no,
I don’t have time.
Christa Innis: Love that story. That is hilarious.
Lucette Brown: So it’s fun.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You just,
Lucette Brown: we’ll make it work.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like what we were talking about before, I don’t now, I don’t remember if this was when we were recording or not, but it’s like that mom thing we were talking about where it’s like all of a sudden you just make it happen.
Like you’re like, I got two hours. what normally would’ve maybe taken me 10, eight to 10 hours I will get done in. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I’ll get it done.
Christa Innis: Who knows when my daughter will wake up, who knows when she’ll get home, you know, whatever it is. I’m gonna make this time count.
Lucette Brown: happen.
Christa Innis: You’re gonna,
Lucette Brown: it’s a lot of hours in a day.
Christa Innis: There’s so many hours in the day and
Lucette Brown: you don’t need sleep. Sleep’s overrated.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah. It’s
Lucette Brown: fine.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. You’re telling me, I’m like, that’s why I was telling you, the second I lay down with my daughter, I’m out because I refuse to nap. I don’t like napping. ’cause it makes me feel like I have so much to do.
I gotta get stuff done. I’ve been this way since like high school, college. I just could not nap. And so, especially now that I’m like. Six hours of sleep every night about if I lay down to sleep. I’ve still not caught up from like when she was a baby, baby. And you get like hours. Oh yeah. God, no.
Lucette Brown: those years are gone.
Christa Innis: Those are gone. I feel like my body’s just always ready, like it’s always fall asleep.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: So I don’t
Lucette Brown: know. That was, I was reading somewhere and someone said, it was like, it takes four hours to like recoup like one hour of miss sleep. And I was like, I’m done. I’m never recouping those hours that I lost.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Lucette Brown: That’s
Christa Innis: no for like any new moms listening, this is what I did. And maybe it was like a little d Lulu, but this is what helped me when I would wake up in the middle of the night to like nurse her or just like, you know, if we had to change a diaper, whatever it was.
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: I refused to look at the clock.
I didn’t wanna know what Yeah. It was,
Lucette Brown: no,
Christa Innis: I had to do the
Lucette Brown: same
Christa Innis: so much. ’cause I would like. Not know how tired I was the next morning. Like I’d be like, I’m just gonna drink my coffee and carry on it’s morning.
Lucette Brown: Yeah,
Christa Innis: whatever
Lucette Brown: that was the best thing that I did too. Especially ’cause I had a saying, like, when you’re waking up to like, breastfeed them and everything and you’re just like, oh my god.
And you’re looking at the clock and you’re like, I have been up like six times already. And then it’s just like, you just need to like
Christa Innis: shut it
Lucette Brown: off. Like my husband, like, Hey man, how many times did she wake up? I’m like, dunno, don’t care.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: let’s move on.
Christa Innis: She’s good. The job was done. Check.
Lucette Brown: It is good.
I was a good cow last night.
Let’s move on.
Christa Innis: Yes,
Lucette Brown: let’s
When Sisterly Support Turns Competitive
Christa Innis: Hundred percent. All good cow. Oh my gosh. All right, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. As always, names are changed and here we go. Feel free to stop me at any point, or we’ll just react. All right. My older sister, Rachel, was married before me, but her marriage only lasted two months when she was, hold on.
I have to stop something really quick.
Lucette Brown: you not change the names?
Christa Innis: No. I’ll take, I’ll take this out, this started just like a story I just read, so I was like, I wanna make sure it’s not the exact thing. So
Lucette Brown: the same one.
Christa Innis: Wait, I swear I’ve read this. Okay. Hold on. Let me just pause this. I’m so sorry. And we are back. Okay.
Lucette Brown: Like nothing happened.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like nothing happened. What do we even, okay. Here is the blind reaction of the week. All the names have been changed. Okay. I 20 5:00 AM getting married to Dee 28 male. We’ve been together since 2022.
Started hanging out, spending the night more often than not. Moved in about nine months into the relationship and have been inseparable since. We don’t fight. We have so much fun together and we are genuinely in love. We both lived life as single people before, not as people who can’t be single, which I think is a huge red flag.
It just reassures us that we’re perfect for each other. Never wondering if the grass is greener or so to speak. My younger sister, C 20 F, is engaged to G 25 M. I actually went to school with G. He’s a nice guy. Was super nerdy in high school. Never went to parties, quiet but kind. And in most of my honors classes, when I found out they were dating, it felt weird.
I wasn’t sure how they met since they were not in school at the same time, and my sister wouldn’t tell us, which I thought was odd. She also wouldn’t let me follow him on Instagram. I sent a request and she told him to decline it, even though I’ve known him way longer than she has.
Once a month. Our big Italian family does Sunday dinner at my grandma’s house. When c and g started dating, he began coming too, but at every dinner or family function, they would key to themselves, whispering to each other the entire time while everyone else talked together. Super weird.
Lucette Brown: So is he married?
Christa Innis: I know. I’m like, what’s going on here? Is he hiding something from everybody?
Lucette Brown: Why can he come to family functions? But you can’t follow him on social media.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s very odd because I feel like anything that he is gonna show there would be the same. Right? Sure. Fast forward to 2024. My partner and I are thriving.
We went from renting to buying our first home. We’re both progressing in our careers. We adopted a dog. We’re building a beautiful life together. Now, my sister
Lucette Brown: I just love how this whole story, she’s like, so we’re just doing like amazing. And like everything about us is just fabulous, and we’re just really perfect people.
But my sister,
Christa Innis: there’s been a few stories that I’ve,
Lucette Brown: that in itself is a red flag.
Christa Innis: I know there’s,
Lucette Brown: I love the confidence. Love it. But you know,
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I always have to look at these stories. looking at both sides. Yeah, because I’ve gotten stories like this before where I’m like, well, I don’t actually see how your sister is being wrong.
Like, not saying this one necessarily, but
Lucette Brown: No,
Christa Innis: like, I’m like, wait, we need to look at this, but were different.
Lucette Brown: Yeah, no, I just, but I just love how Yeah. It’s just like, you know, like, we’re perfect, perfect for each other, we’re thriving, which like, they probably are, and like hats off to them, bravo.
But it’s just a very interesting way to like write a story and then be like, but my sister
Christa Innis: Yeah, but look at her.
Lucette Brown: She’s the problem.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Something wrong with that one.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. No, that’s so true because here we go.
Lucette Brown: Continue. Sorry.
Christa Innis: It says No, no, that’s a great observation. It says, now my sister and G’s situation, they still live together in G’S parents’ house.
So they horrible. They’ve been together, they’ve been together a few years now. they’re also engaged. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been together, but they live in his Parents’ house. as far as I’m being
Lucette Brown: financially responsible.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, as far as I’m concerned, 25 is still really young.
Like, I don’t know. I’m
Lucette Brown: pretty sure I was still living, like me and my now husband, were still living with my mom at 25.
Christa Innis: That’s, yeah. That’s so young. We were just barely getting back Bills at 20.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. So we were trying to save for a house.
Christa Innis: Yeah. so the girl that wrote this and her sister’s fiance are the same age, but the girl that wrote this, her partner is 28, so a few years older and her sister is younger.
Yeah. So I think it’s that like older sister thing.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: But like at the same time, like they’re not. her partner’s almost closer to 30 while she’s like early twenties. So I don’t know where I do feel. Yeah,
Lucette Brown: see maybe it’s younger sister and me that’s coming out and I’m like, hang on a second.
Christa Innis: Same. I’m the younger sister too, so I’m like,
Lucette Brown: alright sister,
Christa Innis: slow your rock.
Lucette Brown: Dial it back a not,
Christa Innis: it says, oh, she had an ad in his childhood bedroom. Okay. His two older siblings also live there with their significant others, which somehow normalizes it for them. Neither C nor G has ever lived on their own.
which again, I think they’re pretty young. Especially like the Sister’s 20. I don’t, that’s pretty young. My sister has never had a job. Okay. In high school. She was a total home buddy. She’d even have us bring her food to go instead of coming to family dinners. My dad, I feel like there’s a lot of tension going on here, so she’s gonna mm-hmm.
Everything that annoys her, which I get my dad would make her come sometimes just to get outta the house. She got her license at 18, which might be the most adult things she’s done after high school. She started taking prerequisite classes at a local college, but stopped halfway through the semester, even though my parents were paying for it.
Now she’s been in cosmetology school for a while and keeps saying she’s almost done since December. Okay. When I asked what she’d do after, she said she’d work in an upscale salon we’ve all gone to for years. I told her to have a backup plan since they usually only hire Paul Mitchell graduates, but she insisted I was wrong and said so very rudely.
She still has no income and just asked my parents for money. Which they always still give. Basically, she’s at a very immature stage of life and it’s hard to talk to her about anything. Adult now for the wedding drama. Here we go. Okay. That was all the, all the background to get us ready for this. Yeah.
Before either of us were engaged, she sent a video of her and G in his yard playing with their goat. In the video, G was wearing a black rubber ring on his left hand. I texted privately asking if they got married. She snapped. It’s not a wedding band. Stupid. Oh, okay. And that was that. Then at the next family dinner, I noticed she was wearing a purple gemstone ring on her left hand.
My dad and grandma asked if I knew anything. I told them about our text. They all thought it was strange. A few weeks later, after dating for a year, my sister sent a picture in our family group chat of the ring with a yellow gemstone saying she got engaged. I honestly thought it was a joke because not to be rude, the ring looked like one of those you get out of a 25 cent machine.
My dad confirmed it was real. Oh, am
I?
Lucette Brown: Even if it was,
Christa Innis: I know, like I literally just saw a post today about this girl turned down an engagement because the ring was only $900 and this guy spent like, that’s a good chunk of money still. And she turned him down for that. And so it tried this whole debate of like.
What is acceptable? or would you say, go to this and I’m just like, if you wanna be with this person and they’re spending money on you, why does, I
Lucette Brown: couldn’t care if it was a silver with a cubic zirconia. Like,
Christa Innis: yeah, why does that matter? Does that
Lucette Brown: matter?
Christa Innis: I don’t know. I don’t get that whole thing.
that like old fashioned, I dunno if people still do this when it’s like, it should cost six months of rent, have you before, or six months of their salary or something.
Lucette Brown: I do that these days, but people can’t even afford to put food on the tables alone. Six months to buy a ring.
Christa Innis: I wouldn’t want my partner to spend that money, be like, we could use that for so many. I could be
Lucette Brown: angry
Christa Innis: things. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like, do you know what we could have done with that money?
Christa Innis: I would legitimately be mad.
Lucette Brown: Yes. I’d be like, you can return that now. let’s go get something from, the $2 shop.
Christa Innis: Yes. And especially like you said too, like even if it was a 25 cents.
vending machine, they live, they’re saving money. They’re living at his parents’ house right now. Maybe they don’t have the funds.
Lucette Brown: She doesn’t have a job.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like
Christa Innis: so
Lucette Brown: that’s a bit responsible.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, here we go. I’ll admit it. I was annoyed. I felt like I deserved to be engaged more. Not in a body way, but in a, of course
Lucette Brown: not,
Christa Innis: but because Dee and I were so established while she seemed nowhere near ready
Lucette Brown: and thriving.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is like a tale as old as time. I hate to say it like that, and I’m not trying to come down hard on this person, but like, it’s so hard to see outside the bubble and it stems from like jealousy of like, well, why is he proposing her first when we’re more established? But like, checking the boxes does not mean you’re more ready or less ready than them.
It’s
Lucette Brown: everyone has different boxes to check.
Christa Innis: Exactly. Like,
Lucette Brown: you know, I’ve got so many of my friends who will never get married ’cause it’s just not what they wanna do.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: some of them don’t wanna have kids. Some of them will never buy a house.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Ish there. Right?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it’s all completely separate.
It’s not like, yeah, all right, you bought a house so now you can have a baby. so now you this and I can do that. It’s like, no. Like they’re all separate decisions and every relationship is different how they wanna do it. Yeah. So if you have an annoyance with it, that’s between you and your partner to kind of figure out, not your sister.
Yeah.
Lucette Brown: And you know what she can always propose as well.
Christa Innis: Exactly. it’s 2025.
Lucette Brown: It’s 2025. if you wanna be engaged that badly. Wow.
Christa Innis: Take matters. Falls
Lucette Brown: in your court too.
Christa Innis: Yeah, exactly. So she said, still, she’s my sister and I wanted to be supportive. I texted her privately to say congratulations, and she responded nicely.
Sorry, this is long. we’re almost there. Two weeks later, Dee surprise me with a proposal on my birthday. I of course said yes and was thrilled. We called family and friends. I texted my sister a picture of my ring. A real diamond. Four and a half carrots. Hers is Mo. Oh, this reads so mean. Hers is mo, I can’t say the word Mo.
Mo. Oh,
Lucette Brown: mo. Moen
Christa Innis: Moen.
Lucette Brown: Moist
Christa Innis: Moen.
Lucette Brown: I know what you mean.
Christa Innis: I know what Mo. I know what Mo Ignite. Oh my gosh. It’s making me so mad. I can’t say it. Yeah. Ignite from Etsy though. She claims diamonds are tacky. There is nothing. Well, to be about a MOIs Aite ring from Etsy.
Lucette Brown: I was gonna say, I actually, I think there was like a light blue moise and I, which, and I was obsessed with this ring.
Loved it. Like that was actually my preferred stone. Mm-hmm. And the only reason why, when my husband was like designing the ring and stuff, he didn’t go with that was because it’s really soft and he knows how clumsy I am and I would’ve just ruined it. ’cause my rings never come off.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Lucette Brown: yeah, he knew, so he got like one of the sturdiest, really sturdy stones. but yeah, I was like, oh, like I like it. But I really like the blue one that I said, you know, the blue one Yeah. To be ungrateful. Yeah. Um, and then yeah, he was like, oh no, they’re really soft.
But yeah, it’s a beautiful gem.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I have to say, it’s funny ’cause like when we went on our honeymoon, I got a. $25 from Amazon. Like, it was like cubic zirconia because I didn’t wanna bring my real ring ’cause we were gonna be swimming and stuff, you know, we’ll get replacement ones. I got so many compliments on that ring, it was $25.
And I was like, okay. I just feel like it’s about what makes you feel good and who cares if they hundred percent quote unquote fake. Who cares? It’s what looks good for you? she didn’t reply until the next day with a single word. Congrats. That hurt. Especially after how supportive I’ve been sending one text.
Happy Bear. Making a negative comment is not really supportive.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Have you been supportive?
Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact, I don’t know, it just reads so like, I’m better than you because I have a full a
Lucette Brown: hundred percent
Christa Innis: spirit real diamond.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. But even like, when the whole story started. And you know, she was like, like, we’re perfect for each other.
We’re thriving, we’re this, we’re that. And it’s just like, okay.
Christa Innis: Yeah. When it sounds like she doesn’t really know,
Lucette Brown: are you good people?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because
Lucette Brown: really that’s all that really matters.
Christa Innis: And to me, like it just sounds like she doesn’t really know her sister and her fiance’s relationship. Right. And it’s like,
Lucette Brown: yeah,
Christa Innis: maybe they’re just private people.
Like I know a lot of couples like that that just keep to themselves, and maybe that’s what it is. Maybe there is something more we don’t know, but like, it sounds like she doesn’t really know them, so they could be perfect for each other,
Lucette Brown: just be like, what? They’re 25? Yeah. Okay, cool. Some people don’t like know what they wanna do or like fully come into themselves until even like some people are like late thirties, early forties.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: Like,
Christa Innis: yeah.
Lucette Brown: Let ’em be.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So she says, we chose totally different wedding routes. She’s doing a fully traditional wedding and we’re eloping in Vegas, which fits us perfectly. So far, I’ve had two wedding events, one being our engagement party at a brewery in our hometown. She came to that with her fiance and it was fine.
She had two dress appointments and one bridesmaid dress appointment, all of which I’ve driven three hours away to attend despite my crazy schedule as a dance teacher, competition judge, and convention, convention, faculty member constantly flying around. When I finally made my own dress appointment between her events, she texted that she couldn’t come because she had a veil appointment.
I asked what it meant. She said she was picking up her veil. The store was only 30 minutes from me, so I asked if she could come before or after. She said no. She also had to make a payment for her venue and said it was too much driving. This just sounds like rival sisters. Yeah, and I
Lucette Brown: feel
Christa Innis: like the fact that they’re engaged at the same time is just.
A problem in general.
Lucette Brown: This is, again, this is like the toxicity that it’s just like, okay, if you guys don’t like each other, just
Christa Innis: don’t
Lucette Brown: fall. Call it. Call it what it is. your sisters, at the end of the day, you don’t have to be best friends.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I hate to say it this way, but I don’t exactly blame the younger sister for saying no.
‘ cause she probably feels the toxicity from this other sister. And she’s like, I wanna be in my wedded bliss right now. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: I wanna be in my bubble.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because think about it this way, if they, if they weren’t sisters, and let’s say this was a toxic friend,
Lucette Brown: you wouldn’t want, yeah. And I think that’s like, that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it?
Is that so many people are like, oh, but they’re my sister. Oh. But they’re, you know, so and so. And it’s like, yeah, but a toxic person is still a toxic person.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: And if they make you feel small and they don’t make you feel good.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, and obviously we’re reading between the lines. We don’t know either, but just seems very like we’re so much better.
And then they kind of suck. They’re awkward, they’re weird.
That’s the way I’m reading.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: maybe I’m reading it wrong. And you can
Lucette Brown: Well, it’s also how it’s been written, right? Like you can only read the words that are there.
Christa Innis: True.
Lucette Brown: So
Christa Innis: yeah, I reminded her that I’ve been driving twice that to support her, but she snapped.
I’m getting married too. At that point. I told her not to worry about it. I didn’t want her energy At my appointment. Later, my mom found out and told my sister it was messed up not to go, which made my sister mad at me again for telling my mom. Two days later, my sister texted saying her venue rescheduled her payment so she could come if I still wanted her to.
I didn’t reply and she didn’t come. That hurt even more because I didn’t, but she
Lucette Brown: didn’t reply.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like, what?
Lucette Brown: It’s like they’re both playing the same game and it’s like
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: No one’s gonna win in this scenario.
Christa Innis: No.
Lucette Brown: Like,
Christa Innis: you need like,
Lucette Brown: like you’re both
Christa Innis: a four.
Lucette Brown: I’d say they’re both at fault. Like they’re both, you know, without kind of knowing anything about it.
But yeah, I would just be like, you both. Yeah.
Christa Innis: they’re off. They need like the full, like reset because it’s that thing where it’s like they both wanna be the victim. They both wanna be upset. Like, we’ve all been there, it’s
Lucette Brown: both their wedding, they’re in their limelight and it’s like, well, nothing’s gonna get accomplished while you both think that way.
Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. So she said that her even more because I knew the reschedule story was a lie. No venue suddenly books a wedding two weeks out at the appointment. My mom, who decided to pay for my dress after realizing how much she was spending on my sister mentioned to her on the phone that I found my dress.
My sister never texted, called or asked to see a photo, nothing. The following weekend was her bridesmaid dress appointment. I tried on two dresses that I loved and she said she loved them too. Then suddenly she changed her mind and asked me to try on what I can only describe as a fat girl dress, what, for lack of a better term, this can, that’s problematic.
Be a real story.
Lucette Brown: I’m trying to even like, what the hell is a fat girl dress?
Christa Innis: This is what she is calling it. She goes, I’m very fit and the dress look awful. So she’s making like a fat phobic comment.
Lucette Brown: Okay.
Christa Innis: I don’t typically, there’s been few that like, someone sends me a story and I’m like, Ooh, you’re not the. Okay.
Lucette Brown: Doesn’t sound like a very nice person.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t like that yet. She suddenly claimed it was her favorite. It felt like she was trying to get a rise out of me. I told her, honestly, I didn’t like it and said, if you want it that badly, you can buy it, but I’m not paying for it.
She called me a bitch, but honestly I didn’t feel bad. She’s been acting cold since my engagement and I was over it.
Lucette Brown: She, oh, they both need to get out of each other’s bridal parties and just call it a day.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Just be guests at each other’s weddings. Oh my gosh. She eventually picked a different dress.
Not as nice as the first two, but acceptable. So I bought it and left without even saying goodbye. She still didn’t congratulate me or ask about my dress. Oh. And she’s not making me her maid of honor. Well, why would she? I
Lucette Brown: wanna make my ma of honor.
Christa Innis: I, yeah. In what world should you be? Her maid of honor.
Lucette Brown: Nice.
Christa Innis: I am like, like we need to look out family man myself a little bit and be like, okay, if I weren’t her sister and I was acting this way, or talking about her this way or treating her this way. would that be normal?
Lucette Brown: Like, they’re both like, I dunno, like she’s in the wrong and it sounds like her sister’s also in the wrong, like they just both need to just Yeah.
But you
Christa Innis: like hash it all out. And it’s hard because we’re saying, it’s like such an intense time in their life. Yeah. But there’s a lot to do, a lot going on. They’re both the brides, they already have this like, competition, so it’s like, until they really hash it out, it’s gonna be like that the whole time.
I feel like, yeah, it’s gonna be,
Lucette Brown: and it’ll be like, and this is coming from like, you know, from personal experience. Like, I remember I had someone in my bridal party who I was like, no, like I have to have them in my bridal party. Like they should be in my bridal party. And they were just problematic from the get go really.
And I look back and I’m like, I should have just. it would’ve been a blow up then, but I reckon the rest of it would’ve been fine. Rather than like, just constant little things to like the big blowout, essentially at the wedding. just get rid of it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Snippet while it’s like, while it’s happening. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I feel like we always wanna, like, especially as people pleasers or like, we wanna like, be like, no, I still have hope. I think things are making plus like, it’s
Lucette Brown: that I think you have this, this, you know, idea and you’re like, no, it’ll be fine. Or like, they’ll come around like, they’ll be there for me on the wedding day and it’s like, no.
No.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Lucette Brown: just cut it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. If
Lucette Brown: they can. It’s coming from personal, personal experience. Cut it now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. If they can’t handle watching you rise or celebrating you in certain, they’re
Lucette Brown: just gonna get worse at the wedding.
Christa Innis: Not gonna happen at the wedding. It’s just not gonna happen.
Lucette Brown: Trust me.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh no, I feel like you’ve got a lot of stories about that.
Lucette Brown: oh yeah. But no, this, this, it’s, Hmm. That’s, uh, that’s something that I,
Christa Innis: that’s after we record, after the recording’s off. so she said, okay. So her heard that she’s not the maid of honor. She’s having three bridesmaids and no maid of honor to keep it equal. that makes sense. It made she made it very clear.
I’m not picking you over my friends, but I’m also not picking my friends or, yeah. No one’s picking. I’m not picking anybody over anybody. Yeah. I don’t think you have to have your sister as your maid of honor. I, I have one sister, I, she was not my maid of honor, she was a bridesmaid. I’m much closer with my best friend.
Same for my husband. He had his brother in the wedding, but he was not his best man. And
Lucette Brown: yeah, the same with my husband.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No one took it personally and it’s fine.
Lucette Brown: move on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No rule. for mine, I asked if she wanted the role and she said no. So I asked my best friend who I’m honestly closer with anyway, so there you go.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: She also won’t be at my Vegas wedding since she’s not 21 and doesn’t have the money to go. So not only that,
Lucette Brown: okay, well, yeah,
yeah, like why would you pick a Vegas wedding if, you know she can’t come anyway? Like,
Christa Innis: yeah. Which I guess I’ve never thought about that before.
I would think a Vegas wedding. As long as it’s not, they’re not drinking. Wouldn’t they be able to go, I guess I’ve never looked into that. Never been to a Vegas wedding.
Lucette Brown: I don’t know. ’cause the laws in Australia is, once you’re 18 you can drink and drive.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: You can do everything at 18. So
Christa Innis: I know the United States is weird about all that.
It’s like you can do like
Lucette Brown: 16, 21,
Christa Innis: 21. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Find you, one could also argue that. Yeah, cool. Asia 18, here’s your car keys and here’s a beer. Have fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like it’s also problematic.
Christa Innis: Yeah. All at once, but all
Lucette Brown: at
Christa Innis: once. I think they’re so strict. I mean, I get on a tangent about this. I feel like they’re so strict about alcohol here.
I mean, it’s different per state. Like where I’m at. I’m trying to think what it’s, if you’re with a parent, you can drink at a, like, you can order a drink at a bar if you’re with a parent under 18. It’s very weird. But there’s like that little gray area though. If you’re 18 to 21, you can’t because you’re a legal adult, but you’re not old enough to drink.
Lucette Brown: To drink. Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So it doesn’t make sense.
Lucette Brown: Yeah. So that would be weird,
Christa Innis: but there’s all this like hype around drinking, so that’s why I think kids have like more issues with it because like they can drive at 16 and then they, like thisthing is over their head of like, Ooh, you can drink when you’re 21.
So they try to like, you know, sneak it on, all that stuff. But that’s a whole,
Lucette Brown: I feel like all 16 year olds are sneaking in alcohol.
Christa Innis: True. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: No matter the country.
Christa Innis: That’s probably right. Alright, so she ends it with, am I wrong for feeling hurt and upset? I’m honestly just leaving it alone and doing the bare minimum until she figures things out.
If she ever does,
Lucette Brown: I’m upset. I think you both just need to call it quits and just move on.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think like if you,
Lucette Brown: I think either one of you are happy with the either like I think they’re both, yeah, I think they’re both like, oh, but she kiss’s my sister. It’s like, yeah, just make ’em your guest.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Like.
Christa Innis: It sounds like it’s so far gone. I don’t wanna say it’s far gone where they can’t fix it, but I feel like there’s a lot of like pent up anger. So if it’s like they both decide that they want to move forward, they need to hash it all out and just let everything else go.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: I don’t think either side, like you said, I don’t think either side’s innocent.
I think they both have like some toxicity. I don’t know if they grew up with like the competitive vibe, but that’s what I’m getting. just her phone though, the tone of how she talks about her sister is so degrading. Ah,
Lucette Brown: I was put off from the very get go.
I don’t like where this is going.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. So it’s like, I wouldn’t say like, you’re wrong for feeling hurt. Anyone can feel hurt or
Lucette Brown: no. And your feelings are your feelings and your feelings are always valid. but I wouldn’t say that she’s in the right and the other sister’s in the wrong. I would say that they’re both probably in the wrong.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I would say your sister has every right to feel upset too, and I feel like you guys need to either figure it out or just keep distance for a bit. Yeah. and just remember she’s your little sister. I mean, she’s five years younger than you. be more supportive, it sounds like.
Yeah. Not very supportive. No. and you might listen to this back and be like, well, you don’t know the whole story. Tell us more. I’ll read it. I’ll try my best. But from this, it just sounds There’s like a lack of support maybe from both sides. And I feel like when you’re too far into it of just being competitive, then nothing can really
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: You’re blind.
Lucette Brown: Oh yeah. I know. I I think if yeah, you’re that, that unhappy with someone, either hash it out because you really care about the relationship and make it work or don’t, and then see if maybe time heals it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Lucette Brown: Because then neither one of them are gonna be happy if they keep doing what they’re doing.
Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And you don’t wanna hold onto that resentment on your wedding day, either of them. So I feel like either need to figure it out before and then just really truly be supportive of them on their wedding day. And if you feel like you can’t be supportive, then step down from your role.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Thanks for coming to our TED Talk.
Wedding Speech Fails and Social Media Chaos
Christa Innis: Yes, thank you. Alright, well that was a wild story. Change of events. all right. Well. I like to end with a couple of confessions that people send me and then we will be on our way. So these are about wedding speeches. So this one says, best man was tanked and roasted the groom for 15 minutes for sucking at basketball in seventh grade.
He couldn’t get to the point,
Lucette Brown: why would you put that in a speech?
Christa Innis: Yeah, that sounds like a weird like dig at the girl.
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: oh my gosh.
Lucette Brown: It just seems like a weird thing to bring up at someone’s wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I think person sometimes when people don’t know what else to say, they just think of like the most random story about the person.
yeah.
Lucette Brown: So we have had some shocking,
Christa Innis: this last one says, maid of honor said it was weird, she wasn’t there. Marrying the best man, awkward post breakup. In her speech
Lucette Brown: again. Why would you bring this up at their wedding?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Not the time or the place to turn it around and think it about you.
Lucette Brown: everyone always does though.
Not everyone, but people do. Baffles me like the day’s not about you.
Christa Innis: No. My gosh. That’s like my nightmare. All right, well thank you so much for coming on and thank you for dealing with my mom brain of like scheduling and all that and being very flexible.
Lucette Brown: Thanks for dealing with mine with responding.
Christa Innis: No, either way, I’m, glad it worked out and I’m, we gotta chat for a bit.
Lucette Brown: we got there in the end.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So again, where can everybody follow you, find your content and anything exciting you’re working on?
Lucette Brown: so on TikTok is events and affairs. YouTube is events and affairs, and I’ve just created a Facebook because everyone kept saying that my content was being shared on there anyway.
so I was like, well, I might as well share my own content.
So I’ve just created a Facebook too, which is events and affairs.
Christa Innis: Oh, good. Awesome. get that verified because there’s a lot of people out there on Facebook that like to steal and,
Lucette Brown: mm.
Christa Innis: It’s creepy. ‘ cause I’m like, that’s one thing I never expected about making content is that people would pretend to be you and Yeah.
Take your profile picture and like
Lucette Brown: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Someone messaged.
Lucette Brown: It’s weird.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And I don’t like,
Lucette Brown: and then like, I get all these like tags in like TikTok too, and like I’m blocked, but they’re pretending to be me. And like one time on TikTok, I literally like, ’cause I had all of these followers and it was all my content and they were literally pretending to be me and I kept trying to like report them.
And then I just put up like a video saying, Hey guys, like just FYI. This page isn’t me. It’s not me.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lucette Brown: I was the one that got flagged.
Christa Innis: Are you serious?
Lucette Brown: I got a strike on my account. I’m like, but I’m me. I’m me. Like, I’m me.
No it for harassment. I’m like, all I said was that. This isn’t like, literally I was, Hey guys, this isn’t me. this is a fake account. That’s if you’re following this one, it’s the wrong one. And I got a strike.
Christa Innis: That is wild. That
Lucette Brown: it’s like
Christa Innis: I made a,
Lucette Brown: so I’ve learned my lesson. Just never do it again.
Christa Innis: Just, yeah, I, I know. It’s like you just can’t even say anything because all you can do is just say like, hi, like this is my account. Like showing it. Yeah. Because I did the same thing. I just changed like my names on Facebook and other platforms and I was like, Hey guys, by the way, this is my only Facebook page.
I share this stuff. Someone reported an old work page I had, so I worked for a mommy and baby company and with that I had like a business page ’cause I would share like videos in there.
Lucette Brown: Mm.
Christa Innis: We reported that and removed the page, so I got notification. They’re like, oh, you’re Krista, MK, b page is gone.
I was like, that doesn’t even share wedding stuff. So I was someone like, oh,
Lucette Brown: okay.
Christa Innis: So I was like, okay guys, just so you know, like. Only report if they’re like pretending to be me and sharing wedding videos. don’t just,
Lucette Brown: yeah, because that, that actually was me.
Christa Innis: That was actually my page. I mean, it was an old job, so it doesn’t really matter, but I was just like, I get it.
You were trying to be like helpful, but it’s, well,
Lucette Brown: yeah.
Christa Innis: Well, awesome.
Lucette Brown: So yes.
Christa Innis: Well thank you so much for coming on and
Lucette Brown: Oh, thanks for having me.
Christa Innis: That was a lot of fun.
Lucette Brown: Thanks.
Stories from the Vault: My In-Laws Hijacked My Wedding!” (+ Bonus Teaser!)
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever wonder what happens when a mother of the groom tries to hijack her son’s holiday plans?
Grab your wine, because this episode is a rollercoaster of family drama and jaw-dropping holiday chaos. Christa shares part 1 of Here Comes The Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story, diving into Kate’s controlling ways and Ferris’ careful navigation to protect his relationship with Sloan. From Thanksgiving meltdowns to snow-covered windows, emotions flare, boundaries are tested, and secrets threaten to spill.
Stick around for the jaw-dropper: a carefully planned vacation turns into a perfect surprise. Will mom ruin it or finally learn to step back? Listen in and experience holiday drama like never before.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
00:31 Podcast Review and Announcements
02:37 Patreon Episode Introduction
03:51 Mother of the Groom Files: Hot Takes
09:56 Confessions and 9-1-1 Advice
17:51 Stories from the Vault
27:44 Mother-in-Law Takes Over the Wedding
28:51 Family Drama Unfolds
29:42 A Wedding Without Approval
31:36 The Photographer Leaves
32:21 A Punch at the Wedding
32:56 Reflecting on Family Boundaries
34:10 Patreon and Future Plans
35:56 Audiobook Preview: Family Tensions
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Birthday Special Announcement – Christa shares it’s her birthday and gives listeners a bonus look at a Patreon episode.
- Podcast & Book Updates – Highlights the audiobook release and exclusive author’s note for fans.
- Fiancé’s Silence – The groom-to-be stays surprisingly calm, brushing off the friend’s toxic behavior.
- Family Dynamics – Relatives get involved, adding fuel to the fire and complicating emotions.
- Mother of the Groom Chaos – Kate panics over Ferris and Sloan’s Christmas vacation, creating tension.
- Holiday Meltdown – Thanksgiving turns dramatic with red wine stains, snow, and heightened emotions.
- Ferris’ Firm Stand – Ferris sets boundaries with his mom while remaining respectful, protecting his relationship.
- Subtle Support from Ted – Dad quietly navigates the drama, encouraging Ferris without escalating tension.
- Vacation Planning Drama – Kate tries to insert herself into the couple’s plans despite their wishes.
- Surprise Proposal Tease – Ferris plans a proposal, creating a cliffhanger moment that leaves everyone on edge.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Ever wonder what happens when a mother hijacks her son’s holidays? Buckle up.” – Christa Innis
- “There’s nothing like a little wine, snow, and family tension to spice up Thanksgiving.” – Christa Innis
- “Some moms think control is love, but boundaries are how we survive the holidays.” – Christa Innis
- “Ferris finally learned: protecting your peace sometimes means saying ‘no’ to your mom.” – Christa Innis
- “The line between family tradition and family chaos? It’s thinner than you think.” – Christa Innis
- “Boundaries aren’t mean they’re necessary, especially when someone tries to control your happiness.” – Christa Innis
- “Weddings don’t create drama, they just shine a spotlight on what’s already broken.” – Christa Innis
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
- Website
- Tiktok
- Youtube
- Get Christa’s Book, Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story on Amazon
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome to this episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Krista Ennis, and it’s actually my birthday today. and so I wanted to do something special for this birthday episode, and that is share one of my all time favorite Patreon episodes. Called the mother of the groom files. You guys are always asking me to share more stories and more content, and this was a wild episode with a wild story, so I thought I would give back to you guys this week.
But first, just a couple of fun announcements. We’re gonna start with a podcast review. This is from Monica. Daniel, it says, I don’t ever listen to podcasts, but when I saw your Facebook post that you started, one, I had to start. Your skits are like crack. You want more and more and more. LOL. Thank you so much for the kind review.
If you guys are loving the podcast, please help me out by leaving a review on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen. It just really helps the show get out to more people. Now one more extra bonus for this week is in case you missed it, my new book Here Comes The Drama is now officially an audio book, and I’m so, so excited.
I’ve talked about the process before, but I, worked directly with Tan Tour Media and I was able to listen to actual auditions from voice artists and Shiloh James just had the amazing voice. That I thought would fit so well with these characters. and so it’s now officially out. There’s also an exclusive author’s note that I was able to record myself and the little behind the scenes, note at the very end.
So as a little bonus to you guys, stick around at the very end of the episode, and I’m going to include a. First look at the book. You’re gonna get chapter one, directly to you so you can enjoy that. as a little bonus there. I don’t know how many times I just said bonus you guys. Side note. August has just been a wild month already.
I can hardly keep up. I can’t believe it’s already, by the time you guys listen to this, it’ll be almost over and I’m just like trying to catch up. I feel like if anyone else is feeling that way, I’m right there with you. anyways, I wanna remind you guys that I’m doing a big YouTube giveaway. This is actually the last week to enter.
you got a few more days left actually. so for my birthday month I did a YouTube giveaway. All you have to do is subscribe to my channel and then comment entered on my video, and we will link that in the show notes so you can easily find it at the bottom. we are doing a $75 Amazon gift card and a signed copy of my book for the grand prize winner.
And then every single week we’ve been picking winners for some smaller prizes as well. just a way to say thank you for all you guys that listen and follow on YouTube. Alright, so like I said, we are going to, Give you a special look at a Patreon episode. This was my all time favorite one, the mother of the groom files.
Mother of the Groom Chaos
This was a wild episode where I read, oh gosh, we do some hot takes and I gave you my takes on these mother of groom situations that were sent to me. a mother of the groom, 9 1 1 advice call. So someone sent me in something that happened to them and they’re trying to deal with the. Situation. And then I read a couple of stories and one is probably top 10 wildest mother of the groom stories I’ve ever read.
So we’re gonna go ahead and play that whole episode for you and I hope you guys enjoy it. And don’t forget to stick around to the very end of the episode for the first chapter of, here Comes the Drama.
Hey guys. Welcome back to another exclusive episode of, here Comes The Drama After Dark, just for my amazing wedding party, my Patreon members. I’m so grateful and happy that you’re here with me. First things first, if my voice sounds a little scratchy or I’m sniffling, I apologize in advance. I swear it’s allergies.
I’m not sick. I swear every time I step outside, I’m sneezing like four or five times. Just that time of year, you never know what you’re gonna get. And apparently this year the allergies are crazy to me. So I’m gonna try my best to not sneeze while recording. And we’re just gonna have some fun today. so last month we focused all around mothers of the bride.
Today we’re gonna go to the other mom at the altar, and that is gonna be the mother of the groom. And as I start this episode, I wanna remind you guys. That it’s not all moms. Okay. I still get messages from people that are like, you focus so much on moms all the time. We’re not all bad. And believe me, I know this.
I talk about it time and time again that my own mom and my mother-in-law are amazing. They are not like this. I honestly, until I started really making this content, I didn’t realize people dealt with this. of course I’ve heard and seen things over the years. But some of these stories are just so shocking to me that people can act this way, during a wedding.
So I know it’s not all moms. But there are some really crazy ones out there. So, that’s what we’re gonna focus on today. here’s what we got going on. Of course, I’d like to switch it up every single month just to make things a little interesting and, feeling a little more exclusive and special for you guys.
So first things first, we’ve got some Hot Takes Mother of the Groom Edition, confessions in Chaos. So. Reading some confessions that you guys sent me that actually happened to you and then that’s gonna turn into a 9 1 1. Someone has a little dilemma going on and they would like some advice. And then last, but certainly not least, of course it’s not least because you guys love it the best.
It’s the stories from the vault. today I’ve got two crazy ones and of course I’ve not read them, we got some good ones for you. But I’ll react, along with you. So let’s get started. let’s go right into the hot takes. All right, The mother of the groom should have a special role, but it doesn’t need to mirror the mother of the brides.
This is gonna depend in a relationship with each of them. I mean, I do think. In all the weddings I’ve been a part of, I should say most of them, they had a unique role. but a lot of times both moms were there doing everything together, or just being a part of, the bride getting ready.
Right. I. so of course you’re gonna have your special moment with your own mom versus your partner’s mom, but I really feel like they have similar roles because it’s both their kids’ weddings. I’m very anti, it’s the bride and groom’s day, or. The bride and bride’s day. The groom and groom’s day.
it’s the couple’s day. Right. So I feel like it’s really important that depending on your relationship, whoever wants to be involved is involved the same way we’re not leaving anybody out. Of course, that’s, again, depending on how your relationship is. okay. Two. It’s okay if the mother of the groom doesn’t help with the planning.
Support. Doesn’t always mean involvement 100%. I think sometimes I see stories where the bride gets so mad at the mother of the groom for not being involved, but. They don’t have to be, and that’s not necessarily their wheelhouse. there was one I read not that long ago where the bride was mad because she gave a task to the mother of the groom and it was basically to book the Airbnb for their wedding event and it was gonna be hosted in the backyard or something.
she kept saying like, oh, she was taking so long to do it. And by the time, know, it was getting closer and closer, all the ones that I had really liked were booked. And I was like. If I were the bride, I would never just put that in the hands of someone else. And I don’t blame the mother of groom for that because she might have never had this kind of responsibility before.
She might not be into planning and then this was just kind of put on her lap. Maybe she’s never booked an Airbnb. so when it comes to things like that, I don’t think it’s up to the mother of the groom to want to be involved. She can support you guys in other ways and I think that’s perfectly okay. number three, mother-in-laws giving input on the guest list should only happen early, not the month before invitations go out.
So they could give input or tips anytime, I’m sure, again, depending on your relationship. But yeah, we are not asking for. And like guest list a month before, that’s just too much. there was another mother-in-law story where they asked her way in advance to send a guest list and she kept refusing because she didn’t like that they were only gonna invite 100 people.
So she kept pushing back and saying like, no, I’m not sending you a list. I’m not sending you a list. then they went the extra mile and were looking in heraddress book to get. Her friend’s addresses to send an invite and I’m just like, if it’s gonna be that difficult, why even try? yes. I think everybody, if you’re gonna have your parents’ friends be invited, reach out to them early enough, give them a deadline and be very clear.
okay. I’m gonna do a couple more ‘ we’ve got a long story for you guys and I don’t want, it to be like a two hour episode. I’m sure you guys wouldn’t complain, but Okay. A neutral colored dress is totally fine as long as it’s cleared with the couple first. Uh, it’s so hard because some of these things are gonna be really individual.
Some people might be like, no, absolutely not. For me personally, I think neutral is totally fine. what’s wrong with neutral colored? Yes, maybe avoid white. but I think you can do other neutral colors in general. I think if you’re not sure, ask the bride groom, but. I would never assume that white is okay.
Right.
Number five, it’s not rude to set boundaries with your future mother-in-law. It’s healthy. That goes with for anybody, even people that you have a great relationship with. Boundaries are so good, I think so many times we think boundaries are a way of like shutting people out or being mean, especially if you’re a people pleaser.
It’s not like boundaries can be like, I turn my phone off at 7:00 PM and I spend time with just my family right here. I don’t answer the phone even for my best friend, my boss, whoever it is. And I think that’s so important because so many times, like we think we can be at everyone’s beck and call and that we’re gonna be mean if we say no or don’t answer.
But no, you gotta have boundaries. Last one. The best thing a mother of the groom can ask is, how can I support you instead of assuming what’s helpful. Yeah, I think that’s great. If you are in a wedding, if you are a mother of the groom, if you are the mother of the bride, if you’re a father, like whatever your relationship is to them, how can I support you is a great way.
Instead of just jumping in and saying, I’m taking this task from you because nobody likes that. Okay. Next section. We are gonna do some confessions. I have a couple of confessions here that people sent me, and then the last one’s gonna be more of like a 9 1 1. What do I do in this situation? Okay, first one, mother-in-law told my son she could help him come up with an escape plan.
What if the day of he gets cold feet? So I’m guessing the son then told his partner. It was like, my mom told me this. That’s insane. That’s insane. we wanna encourage the couple. I mean, unless it’s completely toxic and, it’s a bad relationship, which even then, like you gotta make sure like you really are protecting your son.
Otherwise, I’m not saying anything. I said this a while back in an episode. This girl was talking about her whole family didn’t like the partner of her brother. Right? And they wanted to say something so bad. And I was like, you can’t, you can’t say something if you just don’t like somebody, because if something blows up, it’s gonna go back into your face, right?
If you say like, oh, I don’t like her, she’s not right for you. It’s gonna come back to bite you. It’s better to just be supportive. of course if there’s certain things that they say that’s going to, that are just like, down or rude, put you down, that kind of thing. But if it’s just like, I don’t like them because of the way they talk, I don’t like them because they don’t seem right for you.
I’m just protecting you. Like, no, we don’t need to say that. Okay. Two. My bridal shower, my mother-in-law gave me a cookbook and said, you’ll need this more than anyone. No. Okay. As someone that I am very insecure with my cooking. Like I enjoy doing it when there’s no pressure. I like cooking for my family, but I feel like I’m surrounded by so many cooks that are like really good at what they do, that I’m just like, I just second guess everything.
that’d be a little insulting. my husband and I buy cookbooks all the time ’cause we like try new recipes and stuff. But to specifically say to someone, ’cause you need this more than anybody. That’s just a, we call that a backhanded compliment. Actually, I’m not, that’s not even a compliment.
That’s just backhanded. okay. My mother-in-law kept calling it her son’s wedding and didn’t mention my name once in the entire engagement announcement. Ooh, okay. I catch myself when I’m like talking about someone’s story or reading someone’s story, I’ll say like, bride this, and I’m like, no, I need to stop doing that.
The couple’s day, the couple’s wedding, it’s so ingrained in us to talk a certain way. Right. But I feel like society says like it’s the bride’s day. So when you say it’s like your son’s day and your leaving out his partner, that’s intentional, right? Yeah, that’s pretty hard. I had someone on my podcast, Janelle Riedel, was on my podcast a couple weeks back, and she, well, by the time this comes out, it’ll be probably like two months back.
But, she had a very similar story sent to her where there was a, birth announcement. So this woman was saying her and her partner, her and her husband decided they did not want their babies. Face put anywhere, like on social media or anything like that, they made this very clear to the parents.
They go to the parents’ house to go visit them when the baby was like a newborn and sitting right on the table, there was a newspaper clipping where they had a birth announcement. The grandparents put in a birth announcement in the newspaper. Not once did they mention the daughter-in-law’s name. It was just proud grandparents of said the baby’s name and then said their son’s name.
That was it. So that is intentional, you are purposely leaving someone out when it took two people to make that baby. So I don’t know. that’s making a statement for sure. Okay.
Here is the 9 1 1 confession. she’s kind of more of like asking for help. Right. Okay. My mother-in-law just told me she bought a white dress to wear to our wedding because it’s the only color she looks good in.
Okay. I’ve gotten similar ones before. Okay. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she said I was being territorial should be honored that she’s making an effort at all. My fiance is trying to stay neutral. The wedding is in three weeks. What do I do? Okay, first things first. I’m only talking about this general situation right here because I don’t people coming back and being like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe you care about people wearing white at your wedding.
I personally, I wouldn’t care again. It depends on the relationship because if you already have a rocky relationship and someone’s like, I’m wearing white to your wedding, I’m getting a full gown. Again, back to the intentional. It’s intentional they want you to feel a certain way, right? So my guess is if she says, oh, I only look good in white, so I’m wearing a white dress to your wedding, it’s because there’s already some kind of rift there, right?
First things first, the fiance staying neutral is not okay. He needs to make a choice of who he’s backing up. if he’s choosing to marry you, should be backing you up, right? He needs to be the one to, communicate to his mother that this is not appropriate or okay. Now again, I’m speaking for this couple because she has made it clear she is not okay with it.
If you’re okay with white at your wedding, this is not. Relating to you, right? So he needs to be the one to communicate to his mom, Hey Sophie, whatever her name is, has said she’s not okay with it. And I would actually rather her be the only one in white as well, really make it more what he thinks and be that bridge, right?
Because if he’s trying to stay neutral. It’s gonna make them bash even more, right? Because they’re both gonna try to get him on their side. So he needs to make a clear standing point. Being the wedding is only in three weeks, so she’s gonna try to like push back and push back and say like, oh, well there’s no time to get a new dress.
Oh, I can’s, the only dress I have. There’s time. There’s time. you’ve made it very clear that you’re not comfortable with it, so. All you can do is communicate and you need to let your partner know that he needs to communicate to her. that being said, if she still chooses to show up that day in a white dress, you can.
There’s different things you can do. Talk to your vendors ahead of time, maybe your photographer and say like, Hey, my mother-in-law has told me he’s gonna wear a white dress. What do we do? They might be able to situate her. I mean, it’s hard because she’s the mom, so she’s gonna be in the front pictures.
They might be able to like move her. So someone’s like standing in front of her. I know this happened in one of the stories sent to me. She said the photographer worked with her and like, it was like an aunt though, and they put someone directly in front of her. So you couldn’t really tell. and then you have to decide how important it is to you and it’s hard.
This is where you are like, you know what? We’ve dealt with so much with her already. This is it for me. I’m done. I’m done dealing with it. Then you have to make that decision and tell your partner and try to get him on the same page. If this is one little blip in the day and there’s been no other issues, Just let it go. Everyone’s gonna know you’re the bride and everyone’s gonna look at her and be like, that’s ridiculous. So you kinda have to decide and make a decision on your own and with your partner to be like, how big of a deal do we wanna make this? Not saying you’re the one making a big deal, but like, do you wanna escalate it or just drop it?
Okay. So you guys listening at home,
what would you do? Let her wear it. And again, she would outshine nobody. Right? Would you ban her from photos? Would you ask the photographer to gray scale her dress or like move her somehow or politely ask her to sit the wedding out. These are like four different, complete different things. Me, if I were in her situation where you already communicated and it was an issue.
I think I would just let her wear it, not I wouldn’t shine anybody. And then I would probably be like, okay, photographer, what can we do here? And then I would just like not worry about it. But again, I’m not in that situation. It’s very hard when you already have like a bad relationship. Right. Okay, here we go.
lemme get a drink of my energy drink here. It’s just to warm up my vocals because. I’m telling you guys, these allergies are just like making my throat scratchy.
Hijacked Wedding Family of the Groom’s Control
Okay, here we go. Mother of the groom confessions. These are stories from the vault. So someone sent me these stories, okay? It’s finally my turn to share.
My husband and I had a set wedding date that was really meaningful to us, it also worked well with one of our closest friend’s work schedules. His mom had found a venue she thought would be perfect, but it wasn’t available on the date we’d chosen. She asked me what I thought about it, and if we’d consider switching dates.
I told her it was a beautiful venue, but I wanted to keep looking. We really wanted that specific date and I was also considering something outdoors. Then I went to work. When I got home, my husband was buzzing with excitement saying how thrilled he was that we had a venue and locked in our date. What? I was totally confused.
Turns out my mother-in-law had gone ahead and booked the venue anyway without waiting for our answer, just assuming she knew best. You are kidding me. Okay. I take back everything I said about reading crazy stories. This is the craziest mother of the groom story I’ve ever read. Why would you take that into your own hands?
And then I’m also wondering, I know that’s probably gonna come up, but I’m also wondering why the fiance heard it from his mom and was like, okay, this is awesome. This is cool. Wouldn’t he go to his like fiance first and be like, Hey, this is weird. Did you talk to my mom? But he’s like excited for it. Come on.
Okay, because we had agreed that his family would be covering the costs for the venue, I felt cornered. I ended up going along with a change and just tried to make it work. No. Oh my gosh. I feel terrible for her because here’s the thing, like, oh, I feel so bad for her because it’s like the husband comes in or partner comes in he’s like.
Oh, this is so great. We got this venue. So then she sees his excitement after already talking to the mom, the mother-in-law, and now she feels like she has to say yes because they’re paying for the venue. in reality she already told the mom like, no, I’m gonna keep looking. And she was like, you know what?
Screw you. I’m gonna do what I want anyways. no, it’s not your wedding. Oh my gosh. A few weeks later, I was talking about wedding dress in SPO during a family dinner with his side of the family. That’s when my father-in-law decided it was his job to take charge of my wedding dress, even though my family was paying for it.
Okay. In general, it’s weird that the family thinks that they have control over her wedding dress, but the father-in-law. I wouldn’t trust my own father to pick out my wedding dress. I wouldn’t trust my husband to pick out my wedding dress and he is got great style, but so it’s nothing against that. It’s just that’s such a personal, personal thing.
Oh my gosh. He insisted I buy it on Amazon to save money. But I had no problem spending $900 plus on my husband’s suit. That seems like a lot of money. We spent, gosh, I think under 300 from my husband’s suit. this isn’t sponsored or anything, but we used Modern Groom and it was like so easy. They sent it to us at home.
My husband and I are very like, let’s check the boxes. Like we. I don’t need to go somewhere and see 10 suits and see which one looks best. We pretty much were like, let’s look at them online and do it like, I don’t know. I know everybody’s different. That was just us, $900 plus for a suit, but he wanted her to order her dress on Amazon.
I politely told him I’d figure the dress out with my mom. He went ahead and ordered several dresses anyway was furious when I told him I’d already made a decision with my mom. Ew, I’m sorry. That is gross behavior. They are to completely like pulling her out of her own wedding situation. I need to talk to this person and get her on the podcast because this is like what?
That moment pretty much set the tone for the rest of the wedding planning. Tense. Okay. So again, where’s the fiance in all this? Why is he not backing her up and be like, dad, that’s fricking weird. Why are you ordering wedding dresses for my fiance on Amazon? What? he should be standing in here saying like, no, this isn’t okay.
I’m getting heated guys. Okay. My mother-in-law wanted to plan every little detail. She constantly reminded me that I hadn’t been married before, almost as if it was her way of justifying why she needed to take over. Oh, I’m so mad for her. Any bride, I mean I should say, majority of brides haven’t been through that before, and even if they’ve been married before.
Typically I see like they do a different style, like they do something different. Right. But it’s like even if she had been married before, I feel like this mother-in-law would’ve come in and been like, no, we need to do it my way. Like, why is that any constellation to be able to go in? She’s probably been married 30 years, so things have changed a lot since she got married.
So she’s trying to like redo her wedding through her son and daughter-in-law. It’s like, no, no, no, no. She kept pushing for her daughter, my sister-in-law, who I’m not close with to be one of the bridesmaids. Apparently she wasn’t a bridesmaid in her other sister-in-law’s wedding five years ago, and my mother-in-law wanted to fix that.
Oh my gosh. This family, I explained kindly that I had a specific vision and that anyone who wanted to wear a specific color to the wedding was welcome to wear dark green, but it wasn’t required. Later I got a message from my sister-in-law, double checking the color she’d been told by my mother-in-law, and it was the exact color of my bridesmaid dresses.
Why am I not surprised? Oh my gosh. I talked to her directly. She was super understanding, and from then on she came to me to confirm details. Oh my gosh. This mom was just like, Nope, it’s my wedding. Now I’m gonna do what I want. But the craziest thing, it happened a couple months before the wedding when we were sending out invites.
I had a few friends come over to help address envelopes and had previously asked my mother-in-law for all of her addresses the day of, she told me to just drop off the invites and send them out herself. No, I’m calling it now. I dunno what’s gonna happen. Do not do that. Do not do that. Someone that’s already ignoring your every wish.
your, every vision for the wedding is not gonna follow through with that simple task. No. Okay. I don’t like the next sentence. I was rushing to work, so I dropped them off and said I’d come pick up whatever was left later. No, But Why do we need the mother-in-law to send them out herself if they’re already labeled and everything?
Ugh. Biggest mistake she says. After she mailed the invitations, she casually mentioned we might need to do a reprint. I was confused. I had like 59 extras. Why would we need more later that week? While checking over the shared guest list spreadsheet, which I finalized eight months ago and shared with both sets of parents and my husband, I found the issue.
She sent out over 100 extra invitations about a month and a half before the wedding. My like planner self is getting so bent outta shape right now. This is not, oh my gosh. We need like a mean bridesmaid for every one of these nice brides because this is not okay. And again, where is the husband? Where is the fiance?
Also you don’t need to share. Your guest list with everyone. I had no reason to be like protective of my stuff, but like I don’t need to send my guest list to every single person, so just my husband and I had it like, why does everyone need to see every single person? We reached out to all the parents and they sent us their list, and I took care of everything else.
Again, if someone’s already showing you not to trust them, don’t trust them with a new and important task. Okay. She says, my family was providing the food, so I was beyond frustrated. I had always said they could invite as many people as they wanted, but it needed to be finalized months in advance. I asked my husband if he recognized the names he didn’t or were they distant cousins?
He had specifically said didn’t want there, or they were distant cousins that he specifically said he didn’t want there. the worst part, because the invites were already sent, I had no way to contact these people and uninvite them. I’m exhausted. I am exhausted for this bride. I cannot believe that this happened.
I am so sorry. couple more things that happened behind my back too. She tried to gather baby photos of me, even though I specifically said I did not want a slideshow or a wedding video. She tried to invite her own guest list to a bridal shower that was being hosted by my aunt. Why am I not surprised?
She did a hundred extra people to the wedding? I didn’t know what happened with this. Okay, let’s see. Then came the wedding day. People showed up late. Two of my husband’s groomsmen arrived an hour and a half after they were supposed to, and 30 minutes after the ceremony was scheduled to start. What? Oh my gosh.
People need to be reminded a hundred times. Some people need to be reminded a hundred times. Luckily we have no one late for our wedding, but I hear it happen all the time. we asked everyone to arrive an hour early for photos. Even my in-laws showed up 30 minutes late, adding to the chaos.
Luckily, once the ceremony started, everything turned out beautifully, but the lead up absolute hell. I need to know how this ended. I need to reach out to her and ask her what? The heck happened after this. Like, what is going on here? Because this is literally insane. The fact that a hundred x people were invited.
I need to know, like, did you need a bigger venue, a bigger room? How much was the cost, like. It was probably one of those where she was like, the mother-in-law was like, we’re paying for it. So if I wanna invite more people, I can. It’s my party now. that’s where I’m like, don’t accept money from people.
They’re gonna hold strings over your head and dangle it like a carrot. Right. if people want to help as a gift and you respect them and they respect you, then yes, let’s do it. If they wanna help, that’s great. If you already have a weird relationship, if they’re trying to control things, no, we’re not gonna ask for that.
We’re not gonna accept the help. again, where’s the fiance? Where’s the fiance in all of this? And why is he just on the Back burner or behind the scenes when his mom’s taking the lead. your wedding was hijacked. They, they took it from you. And I feel like those are the kind of weddings where people are most unhappy when they look back.
I’m glad she’s able to say, you know what? Everything turned out beautifully. Maybe it’s just me, but I would not be so, I wouldn’t be so like, cheerful about that. I’d be like, you know what, this was my, time to do my thing and it was taken from me, so I dunno. Oh my gosh. I feel like my blood pressure is up from that story.
A Wedding Day Gone Off the Rails
All right, I got one more short, one short-ish, so let’s get into it. All right. We almost canceled the wedding.
Everyone in our families was horrible to us. My mom made a huge deal about my dad coming with his wife. They’ve been married for 10 years. My mother-in-law was against the whole thing because in her view, you’re supposed to date for exactly five years first and already have bought a house. Oh my gosh.
Where people come up with these things. Some people get married after six months. Some people get married after six years. Some people get married for 20 years some people already have kids first. Like, why does it matter to you? If two people decide together, Hey, let’s get married. Just let them, oh my gosh.
I can’t imagine being so like stuck in my ways. We were 33 and 36 and we didn’t see the need to wait. I. She didn’t approve of my red inexpensive wedding shoes or my pre-ordered dress from Ali Express. She didn’t like that. My venue only held 100 people, that we invited only close friends and immediate family, and that her cousins weren’t invited, that we didn’t have a formal dinner, and that we skipped a dance floor altogether.
What that sounds like to me is that it’s just two people that were right to get married and knew exactly what they wanted, and I think that’s amazing. All weddings don’t have to be the same. All weddings don’t have to have a dance floor or an open bar or a formal dinner. Do what makes sense for you if you just wanna party and have some cake, invite your favorite people more power to you.
I don’t get why. I bet people get so like uptight about it. We hosted a five hour gathering with an open bar and buffet full of food. What more could you ask for? You got a full buffet of food and you got an open bar. I mean, that would make me happy. you don’t really need much else. Right. She even hated that.
My husband made my wedding bouquet himself. He crafted it as a final gift. I think that’s amazing. Wow. I received before walking down the aisle. He made it as a gift. I received walk before walking down the aisle. One of his close friends handed it to me right before I entered. love that. I’ve never heard of that before.
I actually laughed the whole way down the aisle because my mom didn’t make it to the church on time. Where is this Poor girl’s family. My mother-in-law shushed me for laughing. She had already screamed at my husband the night before. My mom wasn’t at the church because she wasn’t ready. Oh my gosh. I had gone to her house to have my makeup and hair done, but I was left alone while she and my younger sister disappeared to another part of the house to get themselves ready.
My older sister stayed with me for a bit, even though she was pregnant with twins. She eventually left for the church. Oh my gosh. I just don’t understand. People just can’t be there for someone else let them shine on their day. It’s so disappointing to hear these stories where they’re like, yeah, I was alone, or My mom didn’t come, or My maid of honor was late, or The groomsman never showed up.
It’s like, come on. It’s not that hard. Be on time or be where you need to be for people that you really care about. It was so sad that even the photographer left quietly without saying anything. I was ready to go, but my mom still wasn’t, and she told me to wait because she needed more time.
I said, not my problem, and left. She arrived 15 minutes later. Okay. That’s crazy that the photographer left really though. ’cause that has a contract tied to it. You shouldn’t just leave your photographer. My mother-in-law invited her cousins to the church anyway. One of my husband’s female cousins wore a white dress another white dress debacle.
I went out to the terrace with one of my best friends for a cigarette, one of my husband’s other cousins followed me to see what I was doing and didn’t leave until I did. Weird. Later. One of my husband’s brothers told me that now I was a part of the family. He hated me and then punched my sister’s husband in the face.
What? Okay, this is weird. So there’s family drama, and with all of that, I was still so happy. I honestly didn’t care, but I cut them all off after that. I don’t know how people move forward after these crazy events take place. I could not stand to be like at a holiday with someone that treated my family like that.
Sounds like she cut them off, but like that’s hard ’cause it’s your husband’s family and if you have kids together or if you move, or all these other big life events like. Where’s the family now? so that’s terrible. I’m props to you for having good boundaries and all that, but gosh, both these stories are wild, wild, wild.
You guys know, we have a lot of mother-in-law stories, and again, not all mothers, but these stories right here, were sent by two different, couples. We get a lot of them just because I think a lot of brides follow me, but I do my best to go through different quote unquote problem. People, right. So, we just get a lot of mother of the groom stories, but I promise you there are crazy stories about every member I’ve seen.
Oh my gosh. I think I need get my blood pressure checked. That’s that first story was wild, you guys. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well that was a wild ride. Thank you guys for listening and being a part of my wedding party Patreon. It means so much to me that you guys are here. and take the time to hang out with me here.
a lot of fun to put these episodes together because I kind of feel like it’s. Off the hook. I don’t know. I put a lot of planning behind it, but it’s just different than the regular episodes. So it’s fun to do these little bonus ones. If you guys love this episode, please do me a huge favor and tell one friend about this Patreon.
Share it on social media, share it with a friend in a text message, whatever that is. just spreading the word really helps, more people hear about it. So let’s keep that going. Next month, we are gonna chat all about the wedding guest stories. And this is one we haven’t really talked too much about.
So I’ve got some good ones from the vault that I’m gonna share with you. And if you guys have a story that you wanna contribute from a wedding that you’ve been to or you’ve seen, or your own wedding, or you’ve read it somewhere, send it to me in the, wedding party, Patreon group chat, or you can message it to me anywhere.
And, I’ll try to get it on the show. All right guys. Thanks so much for hanging out with me this month, and I will see you next time. And until next time, keep the drama fun and the champagne flowing. Bye now.
All right guys. I hope you enjoyed that special. Look at a Patreon episode at full disclosure. We are currently pause on Patreon right now, so if you’re looking to sign up, don’t, ’cause it won’t be there. to be completely transparent, I just don’t have the bandwidth right now, so I just didn’t feel like it was right for me to.
Keep creating content over there when I just didn’t feel like I could give all of myself to it. So I’m putting more into the skits, more into my book, and then more into, of course, these podcast episodes here. So I hope you guys enjoyed it again, that was such a fun episode for me to put together, and I’m glad more of you guys can listen to it.
The Thanksgiving Reveal That Changed Everything
Now as promised, here’s the first chapter of my audiobook. Here comes the drama. Enjoy.
Part one, chapter one, Kate can’t believe her ears. She picks up her glass of wine, throws back what’s left, then stands up and storms out of the living room with a loud huff. Her daughter Jenny, watches her leave in pure confusion, then glances at everyone else before quickly jumping off the couch to follow her.
Mom, are you okay? She yells after her hurrying closer. She notices a drop of red wine has stained her mom’s white blouse. Ugh. I just know she’s doing this to get my son away from me. Kate charges into the next room looking unsteady, like she’s about to burst. What are you talking about, Jenny? Quickly, interjects Sloan isn’t taking anyone away from you.
Her eyes drift toward the window where snow has just started falling. At first it was light and quiet, barely noticeable, but now it’s beginning to fall in thick clumps, sticking to the glass, like something trying to get in. Kate pushes up her round brown glasses as a be of sweat drips from her forehead.
Did you not just hear them? They come waltzing in here on Thanksgiving to tell us they’re not going to be here on Christmas. Her voice trembles with a mix of hurt and disbelief For a moment, she questions whether or not she’s overreacting, but the thought vanishes as quickly as it came. Her stance is firm now.
There’s no going back. Jenny looks at her mother dumbfounded. She takes a deep breath to save herself from calling out her mother’s ridiculousness right here, right now. Yeah, they planned a vacation together. I think it’s perfectly acceptable. She runs a hand through her long, dirty blonde hair, exhaling sharply.
You can’t tell them not to go on vacation together. The snow was falling harder Now. Piling on the windowsill in soft, heavy heaps, like the weight of everything left unsaid in the room. But on Christmas, there are 364 other days of the year. Why’d they have to pick Christmas? Kate’s voice gets louder each time she talks and there is clear panic in her voice like she’s been robbed.
My guess is because they wanted to spend the holidays together. Jenny sarcastically replies, this isn’t some weird thing for a boyfriend to do with his girlfriend. Kate rolls her eyes before putting her head down and her hands and mumbling. You just watch Jenny. This is how it all starts. Then soon they’re just not going to show up for certain holidays.
She looks up staring off as if she just had an epiphany hearing her own words. Mom. You should be happy that Ferris found someone he loves and wants to spend his time with. Jenny says, resting a hand on her mom’s back. Now can we go back out there, put on a happy face, and enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving?
She raises both point of fingers to the corners of her mouth, exaggerating a smile. After a long pause, Kate pulls a tissue out of her pocket and dabs her face. Although Jenny didn’t see any tears. Fine. Kate stands tall, touches up her short brown hair, and forces a painful, wide smile. How’s this great?
Jenny gives her a swift thumbs up and gestures for her mother to follow her back out into the living room where the others are. GI is the first to step back into her parents’ living room. Where she spots her brother, Ferris at the fridge, grabbing two beers, one for their dad, Ted, and one for himself. The room is warm with the scent of Thanksgiving leftovers, and the muffled hum of conversation drifts in from the dining room.
You need more wine, babe. Ferris calls out over his shoulder. His voice casual but affectionate. His short, faintly golden hair with brown undertones is slightly tussled. A few strands falling in his face as he reaches for the fridge. Sloan is curled up on the couch, legs crossed, swirling the last bit of red wine in her glass, her long, almost black hair drapes over one shoulder, catching the warm glow of the Christmas lights.
She’s wearing a soft knit sweater, dress in a deep burgundy, paired with thick socks, comfortable yet casually stylish in a way that almost seems natural to her. She looks over at him with a small knowing. Smile. No, I still have some left. Thanks, Sloane. Smirks and turns just a little as she notices. Jenny walking back in.
Oh hey, everything okay? Her eyes flick between Jenny and Kate searching for any sign of what just happened. She knew Kate was upset about the trip. But sometimes it was easier to pretend she didn’t notice than to invite more drama. Yeah. Sorry about that. Jenny says quickly, my mom thought she ate something bad.
Her voice is light, but there’s a flicker of something else beneath it before Sloan can press GI shifts gears. So anyway, tell us more about your trip. Where are you guys going? She walks right up to Sloan and sits down at the chair across from her. Kate Reenters the room lingering near the doorway, arms crossed displeasure, practically radiating off her.
We’re going to Santa Monica. Sloan replies quietly combing her hair behind her ear. I’ve never been before. Ferris knows I hate the snow, so he planned for a warm vacation to get us out of here. It was all his idea, so he’ll have more of the details. She looks over at Ferris now seated next to her on the couch, Ferris hands, beer to his dad.
Then takes a sip of his own and leans back. Yeah, I mean, I don’t have too much planned yet, but I thought we’d escape the dreaded Milwaukee winter and soak up some sun for once. He nods toward the window where thick clumps of snow swirl in the wind. Before reaching over and gently taking Sloan’s hand Sloan glances down at their intertwined fingers, a soft smile forming as warmth blooms in her chest.
But even in the comfort of this moment, she can feel Kate’s disapproval lingering like a heavy cloud that refuses to pass. That sounds amazing. Jenny jumps in quickly. What do you think, mom? Doesn’t that sound fun? Her voice is too chipper. Eyes flicking toward Kate with the hope that a simple question might smooth over the crack in the room.
Ted shifts slightly in his chair. His gaze fixed on his wife. He raises his eyebrows just enough to signal, go easy, try to be happy, but it’s clear he’s bracing himself after almost 30 years of marriage. He knows her moods, her tells he knows exactly where this could be headed. When Kate answers, yeah, it sounds great.
With a snap of sarcasm. Ted Exhales just barely for a split second. It seems like that might be the end of it, but then he catches the sudden shift. In her expression. She gasps his shoulders, stiffen. Here it comes. Maybe we should all go. Her somber mood instantly flips to excitement making her way to the front of the room.
Sloan tenses, every instinct screams at her to shut the idea down, but she hesitates. It’s not her place. Kate has always been dismissive of her. Why would this moment be any different? Funny mom, Ferris cuts in forcing a chuckle, but there’s an edge of unease in his voice. No, I’m serious. Wouldn’t it be great?
Kate stands as if she’s launching into a full blown presentation. She turns to her husband, eyes bright with enthusiasm. Ted, shouldn’t we go? Ted? Takes a deep breath. Kate. We can go to Santa Monica any other time. I don’t think we need to hijack our son’s vacation with his girlfriend. He runs a hand across his forehead as if trying to smooth out the wrinkles.
He’s certain are forming. Oh, come on. It’ll be so much fun to spend Christmas together in California. Kate is starting to act like this is the best idea she’s ever had. She turns back towards Ferris, gesturing to the Christmas tree already up in the living room, decorated with ornaments, with brief reminders of their childhood.
You know how much Christmas means to me. Ferris opens his mouth like he’s about to say something when a defeated look appears on his face, and he stops. He knows his mom. She doesn’t take hearing no very well, and it would turn into a huge ordeal if he tries to push back Now. He tries to figure out a way to get her to back off a bit and decides to change the subject.
Leaning forward and peeking around Sloan to catch his dad’s eye. Wow. Dad, I am so full. That Turkey you made was fantastic. Way better than last year’s. Ted Beams about to respond. When Kate jumps in. It was, you really know how to make the holidays special around here. All of you. Her smile is a little too bright as she claps her hands together.
Now, who wants dessert? She asks already pivoting toward the kitchen. That sounds great. I’ll help you. Jenny says, as she shakes her head behind her mom and disappointment, as Kate and Jenny disappear into the kitchen, Ted leans in lowering his voice for only Ferris and Sloan to hear. Hey. He says, offering a warm smile.
I think the trip sounds perfect. You too deserve it. He pauses his eyes flicking toward the kitchen, and you know how your mother is. She just needs a minute to adjust. Don’t let it ruin your plans. Ferris puts his arm around Sloan gently pulling her closer. There was no doubt in his mind. Sloan didn’t want his mom on their couple’s vacation and he wasn’t going to let it happen.
It wasn’t unusual for his mom to try to control new situations. In the past, he might’ve let it slide, but not this time. Sloan was different. She was his person. She was articulate, compassionate and beautiful, but not in a way that banked for attention. More like the kind of beauty that you noticed slowly.
Then couldn’t unsee. Ferris used to tell his mom everything back when he was a kid. It had felt natural, easy even. She always knew what to say. Always had a plan. But then he remembered the summer after seventh grade. He had been obsessed with skateboarding, saving up every dollar from mowing lawns to buy his first board.
He and his best friend Ben, would spend hours practicing tricks, wiping out on the pavement, laughing at their bruises until Kate decided it was dangerous. He’s a bad influence. She had told him one night, arms crossed, lips pressed into a thin line. Always pushing you to do reckless things. You’ll break an arm Ferris, and what about school?
You need to focus. He had argued, of course he had, but then came the nagging, the disappointed size, the gentle, but firm reminders of all the things she had done for him. I’m only trying to protect you, and so he quit. He told Ben he was too busy and that his mom needed his help around the house. It wasn’t true, but it was easier than fighting about it or living with guilt.
Now, years later, Ferris knew better. He saw the pattern, the way she packaged control as concern. It wasn’t just about skateboarding or friends or even his career. It was everything, every choice, every step he took, which is why he barely told her anything anymore. They enjoyed their dessert together.
Moving past the idea of them all, going to Santa Monica for Christmas. Ferris did his best to get his mom talking about her new book club with the neighbor Ladies after dessert, he and Sloane start inching their way to the door, getting on their shoes and coats so they can head home. Oh, leaving so soon.
Kate’s voice carries a hint of surprise, though it’s clear she’s more focused on keeping them there than acknowledging how difficult she could be. Sloan turns and smiles at Kate trying to keep things light. Yeah, it’s getting light. I’m hoping to call my mom on the way home since we didn’t get to see her this year for Thanksgiving.
Kate ignores Sloan’s comment and turns towards Ferris. Well, bye guys. It was so great having you guys here for Thanksgiving, as you should be for all holidays. Kate accentuates the all to make sure they remember where she stands. Ferris forces a smile before placing his hand on Sloan’s back as they turn to leave.
I’ll meet you in the car in just a sec. I forgot to grab some pie to take home. Oh yeah, sure. Bye Kate. Bye, Ted. Thanks again for having us. The food was delicious. Sloan says, wrapping her scarf around her neck as she stepped out of the house. Okay, so there’s pumpkin and apple pie left. Which did you want?
You know what, I’ll go grab you some of each. Kate says as she hurs into the kitchen. Um, I’ll have some apple, but actually I don’t really need any pie. Ferris says, checking to make sure Sloan hasn’t walked back into the house. He looks directly at his mom. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. Of course.
Look, I’m really excited for this vacation. I’m going to start planning tonight. Kate interrupts a little too quickly. Ted easing his way back into the living room, props his legs up in the recliner. His eyes are tired and it’s clear he’s had enough for the night. He knows exactly how his wife can be, so he shuts down, retreating into his own space.
No, mom, you can’t come. Ferris says his tone firmer this time. What do you mean? Why? Oh wait. You’re breaking up with Sloan, aren’t you? I knew something was off tonight. What? No, nothing was off with us tonight. I’d really like this trip to just be Sloan and me so we can have some time alone. A long time.
Kate Scoffs. What do you need alone time for? You already live together. I hardly see you anymore. She pauses before adding. I wouldn’t want to intrude, but maybe I could just stay nearby. Dad and I will get our own hotel room. We’ll have our own time, but we can meet up for dinners and stuff. She continues rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.
Searching for a container bag big enough for the leftover pie. No, I’m sorry. I love you, but this trip is for Sloan in me. I need you to respect that Ferris states for a moment. Kate wonders if she’s being too harsh, if maybe she’s giving him a reason to pull away. But the thought is bleeding. She quickly reminds herself of everything she’s done for him over the years.
He still needs her. Well, what if something happens? I could help you plan it. It’s already planned and paid for Ferris Exhales. But look, I need to tell you why. It just needs to be the two of us. Okay? Kate stops what she’s doing and stands there wide-eyed, staring at her son. Actually, I kind of want to tell Dad too really quickly.
Hey dad, can you come in here, Ted Hurries over from the other room to join them. So really quick, I want to talk to you and mom to let you know why I want to take Sloan on vacation. Just the two of us. Oh man, I think I know where this is going. Ted says, with a big smile on his face. Ferris looks over at his mom.
Who looks like she’s just seen a ghost. I actually plan on surprising Sloan and proposing the first night we’re there, the room goes silent and Ferris looks at both of his parents for any kind of approval. Ted looks at Kate waiting for her reaction, proposing what? She responds slowly. Her voice tinged with uncertainty as she tries to piece it all together.
She knew exactly what he meant, but if he saw how confused she was, maybe he would take it as a sign that the timing wasn’t right. Come on, Kate. Ted finally jumps in. Oh my gosh, Ferris, this is so exciting. He walks up and wraps his arms around his son. Giving him a strong, reassuring pat on the back, the silent gesture filled with unspoken.
Congratulations. Kate just stands there staring at the two of them, vowing her naivety. Marriage Mom Ferris says, is he loosened his dad’s grip on him and turns. What else am I going to propose? What, but you hardly know her. Are you sure she’s the right one for you? She starts shuffling around the kitchen, cleaning up items from dinner, forgetting about the pie completely.
Ted is caught in the middle looking around like he’s praying for an out. I don’t consider two and a half years together. Hardly knowing each other. Yes, I know she’s the right one for me. Ferris’s voice is tight as he peers out the window behind him to make sure Sloan is okay in the car. His mom isn’t backing down, but you are so young.
Maybe just give it some more time. Ted can’t hold his tongue anymore. I think what your mom is trying to say is congratulations, right to Kate, he says. Looking over at her, giving her every opportunity to change her tune. Congratulations. It hasn’t even happened yet. He is just telling us his hypothetical plan.
He still has to really think about it. She smiles. I don’t think you realize how big of a decision this truly is for her. She says Condescendingly putting her hand on the counter to reach out and touches. Ferris pulls his hand back and moves away from the counter. Okay, well I can see where this conversation is going.
He takes a moment to take a breath and gather himself. Thank you Dad for the congratulations. Sloan’s waiting in the car, so I gotta get going, but um, thanks. I guess he hurries past his parents and out the door before he realizes he forgot the pie, sh*t.
The Best of the Best: Brides, Betrayals, and Shocking Moments
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever wondered what happens when your maid of honor ghosts you before the wedding? Or when your vendors vanish right after the ceremony?
In this solo episode, we relive the wildest guest submissions from Here Comes the Drama, and trust—these stories are chaotic, cringey, and completely unforgettable:
- Baby Bumps, Brawls & Breaking the System with Payal Desai
- Vegas Vows, MIL Meltdown, and Uninvited Guests with Saron Olkaba
- Mother-in-Law Drama: Wedding Secrets, Demands, and Hot Takes with Suzanne Lambert
- Career Pivots, Friendship Red Flags, and a Trashed Groomsuite — with Rebecca Rogers
- Money Fights, Fake Promises, and a Forgetful DJ with Cassie Horrell
From unexpected RSVP dropouts to emotional fallouts with best friends, I walk through the most jaw-dropping stories that left couples speechless, and sometimes, in tears. Whether you’re planning your own wedding or just love the mess, these listener tales offer both caution and catharsis.
And yes, we’re naming names (well, not really)—but we are talking about the friend who asked for a dress budget… then didn’t show up. Buckle up for the confessions that didn’t make the seating chart.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:28 Wedding Chaos: Would You Rather
07:00 Personal Wedding Stories
10:54 Top Five Moments
27:39 Navigating Awkward Family Dynamics
28:17 Fiancé’s Support and Confrontation
30:26 Mother-in-Law’s Silent Treatment
32:33 Fourth of July Weekend Drama
34:26 Wedding Day Tensions
36:32 Reception Chaos and Aftermath
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Maid of Honor Vanishes – One listener shares how her MOH disappeared before the wedding—and never explained why.
- No-Show Vendors – A couple pays in full for vendors who left immediately after the ceremony with no warning.
- Ghosted by a Guest – A friend confirms attendance, asks about the dress code… and never shows up.
- Mother-in-Law Cold Shoulder – One bride describes how her MIL ignored her while she walked in wearing white.
- Unexpected Plus-One – A groomsman brings a date who tries to break into the groom’s suite.
- RSVP Regret – Brides reflect on the pain of rearranging for people who backed out last minute.
- Dress Paid, Friendship Lost – A bride pays for her friend’s dress, who then stops speaking to her.
- Bridesmaid Burnout – Emotional stories from women who sacrificed time, money, and mental health for other people’s weddings.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Weddings have a sneaky way of showing you who’s really in your corner.” – Christa Innis
- “The drama doesn’t always happen at the altar—it’s in the group chats, RSVPs, and dress codes.” – Christa Innis
- “Sometimes the most thoughtful thing you can do is say no to being a bridesmaid.” – Christa Innis
- “Family dynamics don’t magically fix themselves because you’re getting married.” – Christa Innis
- “Being asked to be part of someone’s big day is an honor—but it shouldn’t cost you your boundaries.” – Christa Innis
- “I was standing in the kitchen while everyone else had a seat at the table.” – Guest
- “The bride didn’t even acknowledge me—just grabbed the mic and started yelling.” – Guest
- “I skipped the wedding and lost a friend, but I couldn’t afford to go into debt over it.” – Guest
- “They cut people from my side just to fit more of theirs.” – Guest
- “I cried over missing her bachelorette—but that hurricane showed me I wasn’t supposed to be there anyway.” – Guest
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
- Website
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- Youtube
- Get Christa’s Book, Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story on Amazon
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and this is a solo episode today. If you guys are new here or new to listening, I do one of these every month other than the Patreon episodes, which is completely separate. but I thought we’d do something a little different this month and because we are,
seven months in of doing the podcast and it’s just been so much fun to create. I thought today we would do something a little different and highlight the top five moments from all the episodes so far. And I’ve seen podcast use before where they share like a little snippet, but I want you guys to feel a little like it’s still a unique episode.
Okay? So at the very end, of course, as always, it’s gonna be a brand new story. But before we get to that, I’m gonna do top five moments with different guests on the show and play the clip from that episode and introduce it as to. Why it was just such a crazy moment. these are moments that had our jaws dropping.
I honestly had to do some double takes because I wasn’t sure that they actually happened, but they’re insane. we get some crazy stories sent to us and this is just a thank you episode to everyone that submits stories to who listens and shares with their friends because it just means so much to me that I’m able to hang out with you guys and, do what I love here.
Would You Rather Wedding Fails + My Wildest Bridesmaid Moments
So. Thank you guys. Starting off, I know it was a little bit of a ramble, but hey, if you’re used to hearing me talk, I ramble. Sometimes it’s just the way it goes. Starting off, let’s do. Some would you rather. Wedding Chaos edition. I’m talking bridesmaids, brides, all that kind of stuff. so here we go.
Would you rather, and I’m gonna answer just, I dunno, I haven’t read these. We’re gonna see what happens. Would you rather your bridesmaid shows up in a white dress or your maid of honor roasts you in her speech? I’ve talked about this before. I could not have cared less if someone in my wedding or someone at my wedding wore white.
I think white dress would be fine. I mean, if it’s not a wedding dress, I don’t really care. People know who the bride is. Okay. Trip down the aisle in front of everyone or drop the wedding cake right before cutting it. I think I’d rather drop the wedding cake tripping down the aisle. I would be mortified.
A cake. You know, you kind of laugh it off. We got other desserts. It’s fine. Would you rather have a makeup fail in every photo or forget to change out of slippers and walk down the aisle? Forget to change outta slippers, obviously, because that sounds really comfortable. I myself didn’t even wear, no, I wore heels for the ceremony only, and then I put on sneakers.
So that’s how I feel about shoes. I really don’t care. would you rather sit next to your ex at the reception? So I’m guessing it’s not my own wedding. Hopefully that’d be kind of weird. Or let your mother-in-law plan the seating chart. my personal, I would love my mother-in-law to plan the seating chart.
She’s super organized. She’s great at that stuff. so yeah, I would definitely rather my mother-in-law be involved with the wedding and help with that. ‘ cause she was very involved in my wedding. She’s super crafty, super organized. So yeah, I got lucky with that one. Okay. Would you rather go over your budget by $5,000 or have your outdoor ceremony completely rained out?
This is easy for me because it was kind of rained out. at our venue, we had an option to get married inside, which we loved. And there was an outdoor courtyard, so if it happened to be warmer or nice, we could get married outside. But we woke up and it was pretty chilly and I think it ended up raining during the ceremony.
we weren’t really counting on it though, because we got married at the end of March and where I live, it’s, you never know what you’re gonna get. You could be in seventies or you could probably, you could be in like thirties. I always joke about our wedding day. It was like every kind of season. We woke up, it was sunny, it was like maybe forties, then we had some rain, we had some clouds, and we even had some snow.
So we got all of the seasons. okay. Would you rather find out your bridesmaid is proposing to her boyfriend at your wedding or learn someone secretly brought their own cake? Probably bring their own cake. I mean, why not? Who cares if you bring your own cake? I mean, people have dietary restrictions.
Maybe they wanted something that they could enjoy gluten-free or dairy-free. Would you rather lose your dress in transit or your wedding accidentally scheduled on the same day as a major family event? Ooh. See the planner in me is like, well, how would that happen? Because it wouldn’t be that major if like other people are RSS v ping to the wedding that are in my family.
So I would just say the second one, how I mean. I don’t wanna lose my dress in transit, so we’re gonna go with that. It’s funny. So I am in my closet. If you guys don’t know this, I recorded my closet. If you’re watching the video, literally a bridesmaid. I should do a bridesmaid. You guys, I know I can’t, you can’t comment, but I have a bridesmaid robe in here from when I was a bridesmaid.
I should show you guys maybe in a video on social media or something. All the stuff I have from being in weddings. So I talk about it all the time, but I don’t talk about like personal stories a lot. But I have probably three or four, robes in my closet, guys. A DHD oh my gosh. I like, I forgot I was doing hot takes, whatever.
Okay. I have four, five bridesmaid robes. I’ve got two bridal jean jackets. Those were, that’s a story. That’s for my wedding though. I’ve got a bunch of like. Stuff from my bachelorette party when I was engaged and guys, I probably have six bridesmaid dresses. The weddings I were in in the beginning of my bridesmaid career are long gone.
sorry if you guys are listening. they were dresses I would knew I would never wear again. I think that’s probably the first three or four bridesmaid dresses are like, were donated. So. Sorry guys, but I have a bunch of other ones in my closet right now that I’ve been telling myself I’ll wear again, dunno if I will or not.
We’ll see. okay. Sorry guys. Back to where I was. Let me know if you guys think I should do some kind of video on all that stuff. I don’t know. Okay. Would you rather have your officiant call you the wrong name? I read a story about that once or your wedding video go viral for all the wrong reasons. Ooh, those are both like E, those Sting.
I would say officiant. Call you the wrong name. ‘ cause with my name with Krista, I’ve been called the wrong name my whole life. I’ve gotten Crystal. Christina, Chrissy, Christie. I kinda just brush it off. So I think I’d rather do that. I don’t want my wedding video to go viral for the wrong reasons.
‘ cause I’ve seen that. I’ve seen that. And it’s not fun. It’s not fun. Okay. last one. Oh gosh. Would you rather catch your best man doing a drunken strip tease or get a text the morning of the wedding that your DJ quit? DJ quit. I highly recommend DJs obviously, but worst case scenario, if a DJ called, quit or whatever.
Tons. All my friends have great playlists on their phone ready to go. We got Spotify. I know it doesn’t replace the announcement the DJ can do. we loved our dj. He did a great job, but worst case, I do not want my best fan doing a dance on the floor like that. Okay. Let’s get into it. I think another episode, I wanna talk a little bit more about the weddings I’ve been in.
I’ve shared little stories here and there, but it’s funny, I was thinking about reflecting on different weddings I’ve been in and I was like, I don’t really have that many of crazy stories. I do, what I can kind of share right now. The first wedding I was ever in, was my sister’s wedding, and I was the maid of honor.
I was. 19 or 20 years old. So that looked way different from the last wedding I was in. The last wedding I was in, I was 30, how old am I now? 30. I’ll be 35 when this episode comes out, sharing a little detail about myself. Gosh, I’ve been weddings over last, well, the last wedding I was in, I was pregnant, so I was probably like
- when, the last wedding I was in, I was six months pregnant. Completely different scenarios. Right? That was for, a friend of mine, my husband’s cousin actually, and I was a matron of honor in that wedding. Maid of honor. Maid of honor. So, what I can say is with the first Wedding I was ever in.
I didn’t really know what to expect, right? So I’m underage, I can’t like plan a crazy bachelorette, that kind of thing. the bridal shower was at my parents’ house, so we kept it really small. This was kind of before Pinterest and all that stuff. So it was very simple. It was fun because it was family. my sister had a pretty, I would say, small wedding party, right?
My speech, I like took time. I wrote it all out. I made sure it sounded, you know, very like heartfelt. I was also in college, so there was a lot going on, right. I go to get my speech, I wanna say I was second. Yes. So the best man goes before me, had nothing planned. He stood up and just went on a whim and just.
Started talking. I didn’t have a clock in front of me or a phone in front of me. I don’t know how long he talked, but I wanna say he talked for like 10 minutes and no one cut him off. And it was someone that I think in his mind was like, oh, I know all these things. I’m gonna say I got three points.
I’m gonna go with it. And then it just kept going. So meanwhile, I’m sitting there and I’m getting more and more nervous because you know when you’re ready to talk and then they just keep pushing it back. You’re just like, okay, okay, I’m ready. I’m ready. So eventually I stood up to talk and I had a printed piece of paper, and I remember shaking the whole time.
I felt like I was giving like a school speech. I looked out here and there to the audience, but most of the time I was just like staring down. yeah. So then the last one, like I said, I was six months pregnant and. gosh,, it was a really fun wedding, but I wish I would’ve asked for more help because here I am, like on the floor trying to move her dress and like train behind her with my big belly, and I’m on the shorter side.
So when I was pregnant, it was like I had a big belly. Guys, I’m not afraid to say it. It was just really hard to move. So I’m like trying to get down these, in these heels. and it was not easy. Doing all that, but it was fun. it was fun to be in a wedding pregnant, however,
It was interesting going dress shopping. You had to find, I guess, a certain one. Then you try to get it fitted around it. Right. But as my mom says, it’s way better now than when she was pregnant as a bridesmaid. They just didn’t have the flattering styles to fit your pregnant belly, I guess she would say. But there’s like 10 weddings in, no, like eight weddings in between all that. So maybe one episode I’ll kind of share some highlights about each one. They’re all just different. Every bride is so different to what they need, their audience, their family.
The type of wedding I’ve done very DIY weddings. I’ve done something from like. Campsite. Like we literally were at a campsite, not a bridesmaid. I was just there helping, where we picked wild flowers and it was very chill and laid back and we could wear just like sundresses all the way to like a super expensive, fancy wedding in the city.
where we took a bus around the downtown getting photos and that just felt so elegant. and. They all end up beautiful. So I know I’m going on like a little tangent now, but just kinda reflecting back, okay, let’s get into it. Top five moments. I didn’t have anyone vote on these. It just kind of based on like downloads and then me looking at the stories again and being like, oh my gosh.
Top 5 Wedding Chaos Moments
Yeah, that was a insane story. So these are like top five. I wanted to hear from you guys though. Which one yours were like the. Craziest. Okay, so coming in at number five is when Cassie Harrell Wedding Pro cast came on for the social media screaming match here. It’s
When we announced that we were engaged on Facebook, oh gosh, everyone seemed very happy about it.
Then I started to see angry faces and a lot of negative comments. My mother-in-law commented saying, how effing, the actual word, effing dare you announce this without asking my permission first? not on a public facebook post
Cassie Horrell: This is terrible.
Christa Innis: So bad. then it only got worse from there. She proceeded to call me names and tell me that I wasn’t good enough to marry her son.
Oh my gosh. all while she was commenting, my sister-in-law was calling and yelling at him about how they should have had a family meeting about allowing a woman with kids into the family.
Cassie Horrell: What?
Christa Innis: I felt sick and unwanted. That is terrible. Family meeting.
Oh, my gosh.
Eventually we get to planning the wedding and his mom had made it very clear that she did not want any part of helping plan the wedding. We tried to include her many times, but she would just keep saying rude things about how my wedding didn’t need to be the center of every conversation. So my husband is from a really small town and we went there for the Fourth of July.
This was the first time I would be meeting his dad and step mom, his brother and sister. Yes, the same sister that was calling and yelling at him. It was a good time, and they were very interested in all the things that we had planned for the wedding. Okay, so it seems like some family member was like,
Cassie Horrell: this is turning around.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Cassie Horrell: Maybe.
Christa Innis: Maybe. His dad told us that we had an allotted amount of money to use, and that if he needed anything beyond that, his mom would have to help us. his mom would have to help us. the dad’s ex wife. so it was the day we went dress shopping and because we had so many bridesmaids, the place was a full house.
Everyone was having the best time. Then we felt a shift in the energy and my mother in law walked in just the gray clouds.
Cassie Horrell: Here we go.
Christa Innis: She was extremely upset that no one Picked her up to bring her to the bridal shop. She sat down and shouted, Let’s get this thing over with. I don’t want to be here all effing day.
Cassie Horrell: She seems nasty.
Christa Innis: Yeah, why even invite her? Like, I would be like, No, you’re not coming. Cause I wouldn’t even want someone’s opinions like that. My mom looked over at her and asked her to leave then if she didn’t want to be there. Yeah. Then she said, She’s been married before, so I don’t know why she even needs to buy a dress.
Cassie Horrell: That is terrible.
Christa Innis: I hate that. She could have gotten one at Goodwill.
Cassie Horrell: No.
Christa Innis: Okay, that is terrible.
Cassie Horrell: This lady’s a witch.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I ignored the comments and started trying on dresses. There wasn’t a dress I tried on that she didn’t have a rude comment about. I would be telling her to leave at that point. That is, yeah, that’s so like unenjoyable.
I finally found the one and loved it and it made me happy. Later that evening at dinner, she tells my husband. I found the dress that hides my arm flab the best.
Cassie Horrell: No, this is bad. I don’t know who this woman is, but this is bad.
Christa Innis: This is bad. This is like one of the worst stories I’ve read. Oh my gosh. The night of my rehearsal, my mother in law sat there complaining the whole time how she had to sit at the same table as my father in law.
She kept saying he better not talk to me. Then finally my brother in law shows up late and my mother in law demanded that I allow my brother in law’s wife in the wedding as a bridesmaid.
Cassie Horrell: Excuse me?
Christa Innis: At the rehearsal dinner? Okay. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid and then they broke up and I guess they got back together the week of the wedding.
Surprise. Okay. They called me many times that week and never said anything about it so I was a little taken aback by this. My mother in law told me that she was told to bring the dress and that she would make me let her be in the wedding again.
Cassie Horrell: This is the mother in law said that again
Christa Innis: my mother in law told me that she told her to bring the dress with her and that she would make me let her be in the wedding again.
Cassie Horrell: Okay. So force this girl into the wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah. and make my other bridesmaids sit out. Wait, so that’s even worse.
Like, we’re just going to swap you right in there.
Cassie Horrell: This is terrible.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I told her I wouldn’t allow my other bridesmaid who paid money for the dress to sit out and they would both have to walk down the aisle together. That didn’t make her happy and she told me to just tell my bridesmaid that we would reimburse her for the dress and she could sit down and enjoy herself.
Cassie Horrell: I again told her absolutely not. She got upset and called me a spoiled witch. I’m a little taken back by this woman.
Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s hard because it’s like I’m not in that position, so it’s always different when you’re in it, but I’m just like, I could not stand to be around someone like that that’s constantly mean like that and just trying to control everything.
Cassie Horrell: Also, I’m a little confused. why isn’t the partner standing up to his mom or like being a little bit more supportive here? Because it wasn’t one instance. This is like 20 instances.
Christa Innis: Yes. Like he needs to be like. guarded security at this point, blocking her, because yeah, that’s too much.
we finally get the rehearsal done and everyone left to go to my brother’s house where we were gonna have pizza. My sister in law made rude comments about how we could only afford pizza and not a real meal.
Cassie Horrell: Oh
Christa Innis: no. Let me tell you, we had pizza at our rehearsal dinner and it was still expensive.
Everyone loves pizza. There’s no problem with pizza. Exactly. No one complained. At least not to our face. My parents shelled out over a thousand dollars for this meal. It’s what we chose as it feeds the most. And it was easy as my husband was having his bachelor party the night before the wedding.
Cassie Horrell: Yikes. Sewing
Christa Innis: scrims, man. Yeah. No, I don’t know if people still did that. Yeah, no, no,
Cassie Horrell: no.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. yeah, so he had his bachelor party. It was a terrible idea, by the way. But that’s a story for another day. So we all had pizza and us girls all left. We told my mother in law three times before we left what time our hair and makeup appointment was the next morning.
And we were almost done when she and my brother in law’s wife showed up to get ready. She said, how dare I get ready before the mother of The groom. What? I cannot believe the audacity here.
Cassie Horrell: Yeah, she’s out of line. Yeah.
Christa Innis: When everyone was ready to go to the ballroom and get ready for pictures, she was mad that we were leaving her.
Well, you should have been there on time.
Cassie Horrell: Yeah.
Christa Innis: We were on a strict time frame. We told her that my sister in law needed to be there by a certain time for pictures. She never got there in time for pictures and it snowballed from there. My mother in law ruined our first look, not surprised, by accidentally getting mud all over the bottom of my dress.
Oh. Accidentally. Yeah, how did that happen? She wouldn’t smile in any pictures. Oh my gosh. so later that night I heard someone say that my mother in law was telling everyone that my wedding was unclassy and tacky. And that clearly we didn’t have any money to buy real things. Why do people feel the need to make comments like that?
Right,
Cassie Horrell: keep it to yourself.
Christa Innis: Yeah, like, come on. Oh, and yes, then the arm flab comet came up again that night. I’d slap her. I’d slap her. Oh my gosh, that is terrible. Like, never comment on someone’s body, but especially not a bride on her wedding day. Exactly. that is not okay. And that night she walked by and pinched my arm and said, You should really work on that.
It’s gross.
Cassie Horrell: No. This could be like a whole series. This is like the series of Unfortunate Mother in Law. I don’t know what this is.
Christa Innis: all right. That was wild. All right. Coming in at number four is Rebecca Rogers and the Surprise Wedding Guest.
On the morning of my wedding, the bridal party was getting ready in the bridal suite the groom was getting ready in the groom suite. One of the groomsmen didn’t follow instructions and showed up two hours late with a different girl than who we RSVPed for. Okay. This, this girl had a very strong Russian accent.
went into the groom suite and started talking to the groom and asking questions. For example, is this a yee-haw wedding and will you be doing square dancing? Okay. Interesting. I mean, I guess like switching, I get it. Like, girl, it doesn’t really matter, but it’s interesting. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead.
the boys kicked her out and told her to wait somewhere else, and she came then to the bridal suite. She came in and started acting faint and sat at a table demanding attention from all the bridesmaids. They were taking care of her because they were worried and had a hard time understanding her because of her accent.
When they turned away to finish getting ready for the day, she ate my lunch, the bride’s lunch, the audacity. There was no more food left until after the ceremony, so I went to my wedding hungry see I’m a big, like weddings that I’ve been in and like helped coordinate. I am big into like no one other than the wedding party be in the room.
Like, yeah, why was she in there? Yeah. I feel like it’s probably the groomsmen that wasn’t paying attention. Being like, oh, just go in there. You’re fine. You’re one of the girls. ‘ cause I’ve seen that. Yes. That’s what I can see that,
Rebecca Rogers: yeah. okay. I could give her the benefit of the doubt in the groomsman suite.
I could give her the benefit of the doubt and I’m like, ah. She’s just, you know, I think there are such stereotypical views of Americans in different parts of Europe. Mm-hmm. I can see her like genuinely getting excited. Is this a yha yha wedding? Because like everywhere is Texas.
Yes. People in Europe don’t understand that, they think cowboys, they think McDonald’s. they have very specific ideas of what they think America is. Yeah. And. Sometimes when they’re like, oh my God, am I going to be able to experience this American thing that I only see on tv?
Like, they can get excited it can come off as rude because I feel like, especially in, Eastern Europe, sometimes people are much more blunt than we’re used to here in the us. which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just different. But then the going into like weddings, wherever you go, the bride is the star.
why are you demanding attention as a guest? That should be common sense. Yes. Why are you going and bothering people you’ve never met before? Like if, right. I can even maybe see like a, Hey, we don’t want you to mess up with the setup. Stay in the groom suite. Why are you sending her? I can see why a man, I love men.
Some men are dumb. Not all men. Always a man. Not all men, always a man. Yeah. Why is some man being like, yeah.
This is not babysit your girlfriend time, Tinder, chick of the week. Like Right. You could have been just, she could have even been established as a new serious girlfriend. It’s not everyone else’s job to babysit her. That’s weird. That’s strange.
Christa Innis: Why, did you have to bring someone? Like if she had
nowhere else to go, why did you bring her?
yeah. Especially being a groomsman. I feel like you’ve got your guys there, you got other stuff to do. All right, let’s, right, let’s see what happens next? So she goes to the wedding hungry at that point. Oh, wait, that’s not all. Oh my God. Okay. Sorry. I’m sorry. Oh my gosh. You there was the whole story, girl.
We’ve got lots.
Rebecca Rogers: Okay. Okay. Okay. Continue. Continue. So Molly, okay. Okay.
Christa Innis: At that point, she got kicked out and was told to wait in the ceremony space wedding, and sues with no other problems until the reception. During the reception, the girl tries to enter the bridal suite and the groom suite where the wedding planner catches her and tells her that it’s locked until after the wedding.
No one is allowed in except for the bridal party. Okay, good. I’m glad the wedding party planner is there now. Right? The girl on top of this Exactly. The girl retrieved her groomsmen and they tried picking the lock to the groom suite. What, For what? Why does she need to get in there? Yeah. A friend of the groom went and found the planner to let them know the girl was trying to break in the groom suite because the groomsmen was with her this time.
They unlocked it for them and was told they were changing. So the planner left to take care of the couple. Wait. They told them they had to get in there and go change. I’m so confused. They
told
Rebecca Rogers: the planner, Hey, I’m a groomsman. I need to get into the groomsmen suite.
I have to change my clothes so that Okay. And they unlocked it and left.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So, oh my gosh. That’s stressful. I’m sweating. It says they did the deed, That’s where I thought this was going and left the place in absolute
Disarray. A huge mess. They then left the wedding early, and we didn’t find out about the mess until after our families went in to clean up the suites and pack everything up. We felt very disrespected by this, so I personally texted the groomsman the next day to ask him why he brought a stranger. First of all, without talking to us about it, that he RSVP’d for was his girlfriend of a year that we knew.
So there we go too. why? He left her to wreck havoc upon the bride and then disrespected the place by basically destroying it. oh, so he brushed off the communication and mentioned that he barely knew her, but that she was a family friend. No apology whatsoever. I was then talking to my bridesmaid about everything that happened with her, and we found out the groomsman parents paid her to be his escort and get him to break up with his girlfriend.
That is not where I thought this was going. Wait, what? His parents paid her to be his escort,
Rebecca Rogers: First of all, if you are a man who is easily swayed to break up with your girlfriend of a year, ‘ cause of a fancy accent and some excitement, throw the whole man away. Throw the whole man away. In my opinion, full stop. Obviously we don’t know like what kind of issues were going on in his relationship. Right, right. We have no idea. Yeah. She could have been a toxic girlfriend. We don’t know. Right. The whole thing just screams gross to me. Why?
Rebecca Rogers: shocked that I’m like, I can’t even find my words.
Christa Innis: I,
Rebecca Rogers: the last sentence, I
Christa Innis: just, the last sentence says, they also paid for her expensive designer clothes for the wedding, then paid them to have an expensive hotel that night. All right, coming in. Number three is Suzanne Lambert and the Lake House Pantry Showdown.
so she called me in the kitchen and she said, aren’t you just so happy I’m going to be your mother in law and not insert difficult family member here. So she’s blocking the name out. I looked her in the eyes and said, I don’t know if this is the person’s real name, so
Barb, I’m okay right now. But if you keep pestering me about things, I’m going to the venue. I’m not going to be okay. I added, this is my boundary. She didn’t seem to the time. But, oh, did she later.
Suzanne Lambert: Okay, Therapy. I love that. Yeah, we love boundaries.
I would love if the fiancé was setting some. and I’m annoyed on her behalf that she’s having to do it all herself. But I’m very proud of her for saying that. That’s not easy to say. Bye bye. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Especially when you’re being cornered because it sounds like she’s alone with this mother. why is no one around?
And that’s what they
Suzanne Lambert: do. I feel like people like this, they want to get you alone at your most vulnerable where you don’t have a chance to really think things through. So that’s impressive thinking on your feet.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I would be like shaking in my boots. I’d be like, is this actually happening right now?
I’m that person that in a scenario, I’m like, Why is this happening? And a minute later, I’m like, why didn’t I say that? I should have said that. Or as I’m saying it, I’m like, you know what? And boundaries that I’m like, shaking. And I’m like, that’s okay. I’m like,
Suzanne Lambert: Ooh, maybe we shouldn’t have gone that hard.
Maybe we take a deep breath. My yoga instructors, like generator response, you feel powerful choosing. And I’m like, generator response, you feel powerful choosing when I’m like wanting to spout off. So we all have our struggles. Yeah. I probably would have been like, Yeah, I don’t know, crazy family members sounding pretty good right about now, and like, it would have started a whole thing, so.
Christa Innis: Yeah, My fiancé and I discussed how upset we were with the day, okay, so now, now he’s around, and how comfortable she had made things.
he was very supportive and felt the same way two days later, he called her to address it, telling her that her behavior was unfair and made everyone uncomfortable. She exploded saying, is this why I’m going to change her name again? Is this why Kelly doesn’t like me?
And hung up. She then gave us a science by right. Like the, yeah, the girl that wrote the story. Yeah. Okay. huh? what gave it away? Like, are you
Suzanne Lambert: acting? so there’s it’s so funny because like mother in law’s like this. a level of awareness. Like, they get there, right? They get, oh, Kelly doesn’t like me, but they don’t see any of the lead up to anything they could have done.
They look at it as a spontaneous event.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Suzanne Lambert: and all of a sudden she didn’t like me. And it’s like, are you forgetting the a hundred things you did before she reacted the one time
Christa Innis: or the time that they finally like snap back. they’re so mean. I don’t do anything wrong.
And it’s like, that was like the story I read yesterday. I’m like, Oh my god, this victim mentality of like, why would she say that to me? I’m just your mom. I just care so much. It’s like, no, that was not the full story. No,
Suzanne Lambert: because if you cared, you, would be like, oh my god, I hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry about that.
that’s a normal way to do. Can you imagine like if someone called you and was like, Hey, at our engagement party, you made us feel bad and sad and whatever, like you would be horrified because you’re a normal person. Imagine like. that’s why they don’t like me?
Christa Innis: Oh my god. what?
Suzanne Lambert: I don’t understand.
And, like, if she had been like, oh, that’s why she doesn’t like me, that would be like such a different thing. Like, oh, okay. I didn’t realize how annoying I was being noted. You know? Won’t do it again. sometimes you need a little kick in the ass to be oh, I’m like acting a weird way. Yeah. But that’s wild.
And then to hang up, I don’t believe in hanging up the phone, especially on your own son. Right.
Christa Innis: this is a long one. I love this. Sorry, Nellie, but I’m living for this. This is crazy. Okay. She then gave us a silent treatment for three weeks. I bet it was a really nice three weeks.
Suzanne Lambert: That sounds lovely. That sounds like a vacation. Yeah. Silent treatment. That sounds ideal. She should do that more often and with others in her life. I would imagine. That is beautiful.
Christa Innis: Best case scenario. I feel like in these scenarios, just keep it going, please. She even ignored my fiance’s birthday, which is weeks after the incident.
Normally they every other day. So this was very shocking until then we had no issues. And I thought our relationship was fine. Her behavior was hurtful, especially to my fiance. Thankfully his who witnessed everything supported us agreeing that his mom’s actions were out of line.
Suzanne Lambert: We had a wonder if the aunt is on the dad’s side or the mom’s side, cause that also kind of changes things a little bit.
It’s her sister. Hopefully the aunt is going to her being like, You’re being nuts. If it’s the dad’s sister, she’s like, Oh, I’ve seen this from this from the beginning. One of us wanted him to end up with her. Like, we all wanted him to end up with the other girl, you that dynamic is interesting, too.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. Like earlier at the party, I think she said the mom’s sister or the on the mom side. That’s
Suzanne Lambert: worse, honestly. your own sister being like, yeah, but again, hope the aunt is going to the mom. Like, if I saw my sister acting that way, or if they saw me acting that way, they would be the first to be like, hey, cut it out.
Christa Innis: Exactly.
Okay. We had a 4th of July weekend planned at his family’s lake house, and she was supposed to join us.
She didn’t show up until the weekend was nearly over. When she arrived, there was no warm embrace, no belated birthday wishes for her son, just coldness. It’s like, why even come? It was incredible. Yeah. Awkward.
Suzanne Lambert: Cause she wants to have her Real Housewives moment. She thinks she’s on Real Housewives of Orange County, with a dramatic show up.
Girl, no one was worried. Yeah. No one was worried. They were like praying you didn’t come. the silent treatment, the weekend without you, where we’re just like, chillin eating hot dogs, waving flags, like, it was all going really, the vibes were high, like, yes.
Christa Innis: yeah, she wanted to come in with the sad music, everyone’s like, oh no, what’s, wrong with Barb over there?
A fur coat.
Suzanne Lambert: Yeah, like, mope dramatically around the house. Puffin and puffin Like, what we would do when we were like, sleeping. Seven and like our parents made chicken for dinner and we didn’t want chicken that’s what she’s she wanted spaghetti She didn’t want chicken. So now she’s making it everyone’s problem.
Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my god. So true my fiance I decided we needed to address this. He pulled her aside in the pantry while I stayed around the corner I love, like, the sour cream and onion chips
Suzanne Lambert: listening in,
Christa Innis: you know? That seemed like the best
Suzanne Lambert: spot.
Christa Innis: Funny
Suzanne Lambert: setting conversation. I love that she added that in.
Christa Innis: Yeah, the pantry,
Suzanne Lambert: it really sets the scene. It’s like, this is dire. This is a dire situation.
Christa Innis: That was the quickest spot. He started by saying we wanted to resolve things, but she exploded again. She accused us of keeping the wedding a secret because we wouldn’t share the venue address. A narrative she created.
She claimed I had promised to send it to her and didn’t, saying she didn’t do shit. At that point, I stepped in the conversation and said, Well, it’s my turn to enter now! Okay. And just a little note, guys, that was the one we did the follow-up episode where the original person that sent in that story came on and shared her site even more. So if you’re looking for some more detail on that, check out that episode. And number two was with Saron oba, the Las Vegas letdown.
On wedding day, I went to brunch with girls from both sides of the family. My mother in law ignored me completely. Even when I greeted her, I brushed it off and enjoyed the day. This mother in law hates her. I would be like, you can’t come. This is terrible. Like, why would you want to feel like a stranger or unwanted at your own wedding?
Saron Olkaba: She just has the worst energy. She’s she’s gonna try and ruin your day. I would hire security, give them a picture and That would be it.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because it’s not her right to be at this wedding.
Christa Innis: I’d be like you’re done. Sorry.
I don’t want you there. She’s a guest. She’s a guest. Yeah, you are nothing more than a guest who could easily be scratched right off. at this ceremony, my sisters told me that my fiancé’s family had taken up the front rows on both sides of the pews. My mother in law refused to move, saying her parents can find another place to sit.
No, so now she’s rude to, her family.
Saron Olkaba: this would not be, go well
Christa Innis: for me, or, or, like, cause now you’re gonna be, like you said, you’re gonna be dealing with this mother in law for the rest of your life. if it’s bad now, imagine if they have kids, or if they buy a house, you know, any step in there,
Saron Olkaba: I don’t understand why anyone would sign up to deal with that forever.
Like, You’re asking to be miserable for the rest of your, what man is worth that? What man is worth having to deal with the devil day, no.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I really hope this ends with they cut her off. Like, they’re done with her, I hope. Fingers crossed. cause that’s the only way this is gonna work, I feel like.
okay. So she said she had to move. I had to ask the officiant to step in and remind everyone which side was for the bride’s family and which for the groom’s. This made my mother in law furious. After the ceremony, during photos, the photographer suggested moving one of my fiancé’s siblings to my side to even things out.
My sister in law loudly said, Hell no, I’m not going over there. I ignored it. At the bowling alley reception, my mother in law Who are these animals? Who
Saron Olkaba: are these beasts?
Christa Innis: I don’t know, why do they think they’re so much better than, her and her family? Oh, God. Jesus. I’m speechless. This is probably one of the worst mother in law stories I’ve read.
And I’ve read a lot. At the bowling alley reception, my mother in law refused to sign the guest book, despite me and my husband asking multiple times. When she finally did, she just wrote congratulations with no warmth, and she left without saying goodbye.
Saron Olkaba: Like why? That’s the nicest thing she’s done thus far.
That’s the most pleasant been in this whole story.
Christa Innis: Yeah. The next day, my mom invited us to lunch before she left town. My mother in law didn’t contact us, but took my husband’s brothers to go karting and sightseeing instead. When my husband asked why we weren’t invited, she said, you were busy.
We weren’t. Two days later, I made a Facebook post about the wedding and saw that my mother in law had untagged me from her earlier post. When my husband asked why, she said, it was a post only for you.
Saron Olkaba: Ew. Do you wanna fuck your son? Like, what is going on here? Why? I’m sorry, curse here? Yeah, you’re fine.
I’m a
Christa Innis: little late to ask that question, but. Redo! No. Yeah, it’ll be fine. I don’t know. That is, yeah, why? I don’t get these mother in laws that hate their daughter in laws so much thatthey don’t care what they say, like no one’s good enough for their son.
I don’t, know what it is.
Saron Olkaba: It’s enmeshment. I think that’s the word. no, it’s emotionally incest, even worse. Yes. No, that’s creepy as hell. Right.
Christa Innis: There was this skit, I don’t know if you watch SNL. did you see, oh, who hosted the Timothee Chalamet one? No, I haven’t seen it.
This last weekend? Okay, you have to watch it, but there’s one about that, but it’s like extreme, like the Oedipus Complex. It’s about like Mother’s Day and like the sun being like, hey mom. I don’t know,
Saron Olkaba: I’m horrified that I’m going to be looking this up just immediately after we get off this.
You need to.
Christa Innis: It was cringe, but I was like. It’s like way over the top, but it was like some of these moms, yeah, I could see it. I find
Saron Olkaba: it, once you meet this psycho mother in law, right? and you see that this man sees nothing wrong with their relationship and kind of encourages it and won’t ask her.
How are you still attracted to this man that might want to fuck his mom? Like, how do you not get the ick immediately and run away from, like, self preservation?
Christa Innis: Yeah, cause my thing is, this is not the first time something like this has happened. She had of given signs before they got engaged, or when they first met, I’m thinking, like, first dinner at a parent’s house.
Every girlfriend
Saron Olkaba: had a book before
Christa Innis: him, before her. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, like, what were the signs before? Yeah, because it wasn’t like, oh, they’re engaged now, they’re serious, now my real, like, craziness is gonna come out. Like, I feel like she had to have treated her poorly before this.
Saron Olkaba: Right. And the sister in law is also a as well.
Christa Innis: Yeah, what’s the deal with that? Okay, three days after the wedding, she texted my husband saying she wanted to talk about my behavior at the wedding. What? He told her he wouldn’t have that conversation without me there, and she refused. A few days later, she blocked me on social media and deleted my husband?
So what her behavior was like having boundaries and like, No, expecting her
Saron Olkaba: parents to be able to sit in the front row. Yeah. And not allowing the friend of a co worker of her neighbor’s nephew to come last minute. Those were the things. Right. Those were the things.
Christa Innis: Those are really harsh to have.
I mean, maybe blocking on social media and deleting the husband is like the best thing, because then you guys can’t see her on social media. I wouldn’t have said a thing
Saron Olkaba: about that.
Christa Innis: I would have
Saron Olkaba: said,
Christa Innis: great. I’m like, awesome. Yeah, you saved it. saved me from doing it. When I tried reaching out, she called my husband crying.
Here we go. The victim saying she’d been crying every day because of how I treated her when he defended me like a good, she hung up because she realizes he gone. he’s not backing you up anymore, crazy mom. He is now
Saron Olkaba: someone else’s husband. Not yours.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Not yours. Finally, my husband texted her saying she had two options.
Have a conversation or lose him. She replied, I guess I won’t be seeing you anymore then. I mean, I would say hallelujah.
Saron Olkaba: I would be like, I’m so sorry, babe. Yeah. It’ll be like, we’ll, we’ll get this. It’s just trying to keep my face straight. Okay.
Christa Innis: I know. I feel like the petty in me, I’d text her, I’d be like, well, have a great life. Best of luck. Yeah. Honestly, I’m relieved, you know, and I really hope they don’t contact her.
And I hope it’s just like left that way because like we were saying, this mother in law would make her life a living hell. And number one for the craziest wedding story I ever read on a podcast episode was with Pile Desai wedding brawl disaster.
Fast forward to the wedding and reception. The ceremony went well, but the reception was a complete disaster. Her parents went through the wedding gifts and cards to pay my boyfriend for his DJ services.
Payal Desai: Oh my
Christa Innis: God,
Payal Desai: that’s so
Christa Innis: kki. That’s so, this is why, and I’ve said this before, it’s like when you hire friends, they’re looking for like a little discount? Mm-hmm. Or they just not as, I don’t know, professional.
Payal Desai: I don’t think like friends and business ever mix, No. No, they don’t. That’s a no for me.
Christa Innis: You need extra like contracts in place or to really make sure it’s someone that you want to work with, but most of the time it’s like, yeah, no,
Payal Desai: it just gets mucky.
It gets mucky, and then you’re trying to go through cards to pay. Dj,
Christa Innis: the number of stories that I’ve read about people hiring friends for photographers and vice versa. Mm-hmm. And then they ended up with no photos or they ended up with crappy photos ’cause it was someone just starting out. Like, no, we’re not doing that.
Guys.
Payal Desai: well, and with a friendship or even like with family, like a falling out could occur. And so why would you if it’s a professional and it, you don’t have like a relation to that person. There’s a contract and you abide by that. But a lot of times if you’re working with a friend, like you may forego the contract ’cause it’s like, oh, we don’t have to make it all official.
Like you’ll just do it for me.
Christa Innis: there was a lot of animosity between her family and ours the entire night. If my family was ever on the dance floor, which was most of the night, her family stayed away. What is the deal? Also, I feel like if something like that happened where they kicked out someone for announcing a pregnancy, I would already be like, this is weird.
Like, I don’t know. Especially like it’s his sister being kicked out of the wedding.
Payal Desai: Yeah, when
Christa Innis: you pick up your family and be like, why are you kicking my sister out for announcing a pregnancy?
Payal Desai: do you think that there’s like an obligation to, including like your husband’s female?
Uh, family members in the wedding party. ’cause I don’t think, there is no, like, if you don’t have a closeness with them, like you should not feel obligated. ’cause I feel like when you do, this is the kind of stuff that happens. Whereas if you’re just like, Hey, I’m marrying into your family, you’re marrying and into my family.
Let relationships happen like organically and over time people become close or they don’t, but like, just including them for optics is kind of a problem, I think. Yeah.
Christa Innis: As the night went on, my boyfriend played our family song and everyone was having a great time.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone shove my grandfather. Okay, what’s going on here? After that, all hell broke. Loose fights erupted all over the hall, tables broke,
Payal Desai: and there was blood everywhere. What? That’s awful. Wait. That escalated so fast. I’m like, what happened? Like, so I feel like there is like a piece of this story missing where there was some like conflict or tension that is not being shared because there’s no way that.
It went from like kicking somebody out of the wedding and then everyone’s angry at each other. Two sides, of the family are not interacting, engaging. Dancing together, celebrating, and then all of a sudden it’s like a bloodbath. What? Yes. No, I’m like
Christa Innis: picturing it like, Romeo and Juliet right now, or like the two sides are like battling.
Payal Desai: and it started off very innocent. Like, hey, like they, chose the wedding party, we’re all in it, we’re excited, and then boom, like.
Christa Innis: I don’t know what the heck. This is insane. It says the bride’s mom got into my face for no reason. Mind you, I was only 18 at the time. She went to shove me, but I was pulled away.
Why are people just shoving people here? what is happening? Someone threw my mom to the floor and broke my boyfriend’s custom built speakers, like, oh, no. Someone threw your mom to the floor, pushed your grandfather, like this is the most violent story I’ve ever read. Yeah,
Payal Desai: that’s awful though. Like think about that couple,
Christa Innis: they can never get their families together until they have like a full family therapy session or something.
Yeah,
Payal Desai: that’s terrible. And you imagine it probably causes a conflict between them two. Because one thing that I will say is like. When you get married to someone like you come from very different places, right? Like you’re raised by different parents, and so there’s always going to be At least a little bit of conflict, right?
But like you are more willing to forgive and understand your family’s behaviors and they are as well. this is just human nature. And so if there is a big family conflict, like it’s hard to maintain like what you have with your partner, but then also not be a pushover for your own family.
delicate balance, that’s
Christa Innis: all. Oh, for sure. ’cause if he was like, oh, like Uncle Bob, you don’t know his humor. He just, made a little joke, you He’s like, oh, he’s, just so crass, whatever, like, you know. Yeah. It’s like, oh, but Aunt Mary’s the nicest woman ever. Like, you don’t know her stuff.
Right. You know? And like
Payal Desai: you don’t really know these things intimately about your spouse’s family, so you’re not as forgiving. I don’t know. Oh my
Christa Innis: God. That’s crazy. Okay, wait, there’s a little bit more. it says the sheriff’s or state police arrived. It turned out, the bride’s parents had told my cousin his new wife to leave, leave the reception before everything escalated.
Family Feud Over Wedding Invitations and After-Party Drama
So they had no idea what was going on. Okay. So like I said, those are some crazy stories. If you did not hear the full stories of those, go back and check ’em out. We’re gonna put the links to the full episodes in the show notes. You guys can check them all out. But I’m so curious to hear what you guys thought were the craziest episodes.
Tell me on social media, DM me. Post it in my Patreon, whatever suits you best. and as I promised, we are gonna do an exclusive story because I just couldn’t do, I couldn’t fathom the idea of sharing a new episode without a new story in it. I know the whole point of sharing some highlight episodes is so I can like take a week off, but I just felt weird about doing that.
Okay, here we go. This is my soon to be sister-in-law story. She had sent out invitations for her wedding and used the traditional Catholic phrasing for how the bride and groom were listed. It’s hard to explain, but if you know, you know, I think that’s when the parents. Names are introduced on it, if I’m remembering correctly.
like the Mr. And Mrs. Invite, like the wedding of their daughter to so and so. I think that’s what it’s okay. While the groom’s parents were extremely offended by it, they said it made them feel unimportant and caused a huge issue. Then they came after me telling me how my wedding invitations better not be phrased the same way.
Whoa. Okay. So why her sister-in-law? Why would they come after her? Mind you, I had no intention of doing it that way. I had just been confirmed Catholic and everyone else in the family had already been raised in the church. This all happened before her bridal shower, which of course became another issue.
The bride and groom had planned for everyone at the shower to head over to the bride’s parents’ house afterward for a small after party, just a casual thing, maybe 30 plus people. The groom’s mom shut it down immediately. No, we are going to my brother’s house after you two or just the groom need to be there.
What, why are they so upset about it being at the bride’s parents’ house? This is another one where it’s like the parents are competing with each other because of some hidden reason, right? Like there’s a just story I just read where it’s about money. There’s another story where I have read where one felt like the other one had more control, but they won’t just come out and say it.
It’s also hard when it’s not your wedding, right? So. Depending on their relationship with their son, maybe he’s not relaying all information to them, so when they’re feeling left out, I don’t know. It’s hard. I’ve never been in that position, so I don’t know what that could feel like. The groom replied, we live 20 minutes away and they’ve never even invited us over before.
The bride’s parents have been planning this after party for over a month. Okay, so what ended up happening? My fiance, me the groom and his dad all went to the uncle’s house. Meanwhile, the groom’s sister and mom went to the bride’s parents’ party and were confused and upset when the rest weren’t there.
Wait, I’m so confused by this story, so you’re telling me. Last minute just because his parents demanded it. They ended up going to the uncle’s house,
but the groom’s sister and mom went to the bride’s parents’ house. That’s so weird. Why would they do that?
Miscommunication, PTO Battles, and Overstepping Parents
Okay. Sometimes reacting in real time is hard because I’m still piecing like the puzzle pieces together. I’m only like getting part of the story too sometimes. so that’s my first reaction. What the heck is happening here? Okay. Fast forward to now, the groom’s parents are insisting on using their PTO to come visit, even though the couple explained that they had used their PTO for the year.
Between their own wedding, honeymoon, other family weddings, and my wedding. So
they’re talking about events that are coming up still. So the person that wrote this is currently engaged. There’s a bride and groom’s wedding that’s coming up, and the groom’s parents are the ones that are kind of causing an issue in all of this. Don’t like the wedding invitation. Something on there offended them Probably because I think it’s like the bride’s family is introduced, right?
And it’s like the daughter of so and so is getting married too. Right? So they were offended ’cause they’re not like the main name on it. then they’re mad because they want everyone to go to their house after there was a plan for over a month.
But it’s just weird that part of the family decided to go, okay. Still, the groom’s parents were offended saying they felt unimportant and never got to see their son. Keep in mind, they live three hours away. The groom manages a PT clinic. the bride is in law school working at a firm, and their schedules are packed.
That’s hard when you live three hours away. That’s really hard. I don’t know if the parents are working as well or if maybe they’re retired. That’s probably a little bit easier for them to go to them. However, not something you really have to plan for. I know like my parents live just about an hour away from me, so we have to make an effort.
Like we have busy schedules, but you have to make it work. However, we don’t know this relationship. We don’t know if he wants to make it work or, I don’t know. Three hours is a lot. Maybe they can do a zoom call. but the groom’s parents still try to force FaceTime calls at random times that don’t work for them.
Now, week of the wedding, the groom’s parents are insisting the dad give a speech at the reception. Oh, you knowgo. You guys know how I feel about someone insisting a speech. Traditionally, the groom’s family can give a speech at, the rehearsal. I’ve seen that many times. Not always. And then typically it’s like the bride’s dad or family does it at the wedding.
I’m all for throwing traditions out the window. You don’t have to stick to your Traditions. But insisting, I don’t know. It’s hard. ’cause I feel like there’s like a lot of heart. It sounds like there’s a lot of communication error. The groom’s parents miss their son, they wanna see him, they feel.
Being pulled away. However, they’re just going about it the wrong way. and I just never feel like you should insist, like, Hey, he needs to speak. Maybe he’s gonna say something inappropriate. Maybe he doesn’t know his son well enough to speak about him. Maybe he doesn’t know the relationship. Maybe he doesn’t support the bride and groom.
So if you are personally not asked by the bride and groom, don’t say you’re gonna give a speech. I’ve seen it happen so many times where. Someone that wasn’t supposed to give a speech stands up and gives a speech. Someone tells the bride and groom, Hey, I’m giving a speech. And sometimes they work out great, but I feel like a lot of times the bride and groom’s then pushed into a corner.
So they say yes when they don’t really want to. okay. The bride explained that the dad already had a planned speech at the spot, at the rehearsal dinner. So here we go. Since there were already two maid of honor speeches, a best man speech, a short message from the priest and her dad’s speech at the reception.
So kind of like what I was just talking about. So they were like, Hey, you can absolutely speak, but we’ve reserved it for the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom responded with. So no one’s going to hear the groom’s dad speech. Mind you, there’ll be almost 70 people at the rehearsal dinner, and they’re mostly from the groom’s side of the guest list anyway, so we’ll see what happens.
And yes, I’ll send another story. If anything wild goes down this weekend. Oh my gosh. I kind of wanna quickly see if this person sent me another story.
Speeches, Hurt Feelings, and the Line Between Tradition and Control
Okay. They haven’t yet, so we’ll have to do a follow up and see what happened. I wanna get my feedback though on this, or my comment on this. If you really care about your son and you’re really excited about giving a speech, it’s gonna be for your son and your future daughter-in-law. It’s not gonna be for everybody else.
And if you’re pushing more like, oh, well, no one’s gonna hear my speech. Your son is gonna hear your speech, the person that it really matters about, and there’s still gonna be 70 people there. I guess not the main setup, but if someone asked me to do a speech at the rehearsal, I would be honored. I’d be like, that means so much to me.
so again, I’m reading this as there’s a lot of hurt going on. There’s a lot of miscommunication. And, they’re not really going about it the right way. It also sounds to me like the bride and groom probably aren’t making it a priority. I mean, they live three hours away. They seem to be kind of living their lives.
and again, I’m only getting this much detail, so I don’t know what went on or if they’ve always just been closer to the brides family. And that’s hard. That’s hard when. One set of parent is closer to the bride and groom, or the couple, because the other one sees them kind of like, dwindling away or they kind of feel like they’re being pushed out.
But, there’s a lot going on here is what I’m saying. Alright, well that’s pretty wild. I am gonna reach out to this person and see if there’s a part to the story. They sent it a month ago, so it happened a month ago.
We’ll see if anything wild happened during the wedding weekend. I would hope the groom’s dad just accepts it and just gives the speech at the, rehearsal dinner. Who knows. I don’t know. I’ve seen it. Like I said, I’ve talked about this before. I’ve seen it before where people push to give a speech, and it doesn’t always go great.
All right guys. Well that’s all I have this week. Thanks for hanging out with me again. This was just a very special episode to kind of reflect on everything so far. It’s been so much fun to create this for you guys and just hang out. The stories I get are wild, and it’s just fun to kind of react with you guys.
if you guys don’t follow me on YouTube, YouTube’s where I put the longer content, I don’t really talk about that a lot on here, but obviously I do the skits, and I do some one-off reading on, TikTok and, Facebook, Instagram, but YouTube every single week I do release a long form video.
and I say long form where it’s, it’s like 10 minutes, but I do read other YouTube or other story submissions there as well. So if you can’t get enough, we got more there and I got more on my Patreon once a month as well. So thanks for hanging out with me and I will see you guys next time. Bye now.
Queer Fashion, Wedding Etiquette and a SIL Showdown with Kati Kons
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
What happens when a bride’s sister demands the wedding photos be moved — because she’s pregnant? This episode dives into a real-life story filled with family tension, wedding day stress, and boundary crossing. Christa and Kati unpack the drama behind the scenes: from feelings of entitlement to unspoken rivalries and the pressure of making a wedding day perfect for everyone.
If you’ve ever wondered how far you should bend for family or what’s really acceptable at weddings, this episode is for you. Plus, they share honest reflections on friendship, jealousy, and the tricky art of RSVP etiquette.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:18 Bridesmaid Experiences and Challenges
02:46 Bridesmaid Dress Shopping Stories
05:23 Financial Expectations for Bridesmaids
08:34 Non-Traditional Wedding Choices
10:48 Fashion and Color Theory
14:01 Growing Up in Chicago Suburbs
15:14 Privacy and Online Safety
16:37 Meet Kati: The Queer Fashion Stylist
19:48 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire
28:31 Kati’s Wedding Planning
34:25 Rapid Fire Questions
38:36 Diving into Wedding Stories
39:48 Rant on Formal Attire Norms
40:55 Queer Fashion at Weddings
44:13 Navigating Wedding Dress Codes
51:56 Wedding Story: Sibling Rivalry
55:31 Reacting to Wedding Drama
58:32 The Importance of Communication
01:04:48 Reflecting on Wedding Etiquette
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Photo Location Drama — Should a bride accommodate a pregnant sister’s request to move photo shoots on the wedding day?
- Family Tension and Silent Rivalry — Exploring possible jealousy and competition between siblings at weddings.
- When Love Isn’t Transactional — Discussing the expectation of reciprocity in wedding roles and attendance.
- The Importance of RSVP Etiquette — How a simple “yes” or “no” can save the bride and groom headaches.
- Photographer vs. Planner Roles — Why having a dedicated wedding planner is crucial to avoid chaos.
- Pregnancy and Wedding Participation — Respecting health and energy limits without guilt-tripping.
- Friendship Boundaries Post-Wedding — Navigating hurt feelings when friends can’t attend your big day.
- Legal Marriage vs. Long-Term Partnerships — When wedding guest lists exclude “non-married” partners, and why that’s problematic.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Love is not transactional. If it feels that way, then maybe you shouldn’t go.” – Christa Innis
- “It’s wild to ask a bride to change the logistics of her entire wedding day for someone else.” – Kati Kons
- “Sometimes people feel like they’re owed something just for showing up.” – Kati Kons
- “Weddings aren’t about competition — they’re about celebration.” – Kati Kons
- “Marriage doesn’t change your life overnight; it’s more like a party you throw for yourself.” – Kati Kons
- “The wedding day is about the couple, not anyone else’s agenda.” – Christa Innis
- “RSVPs are important — they’re not just polite, they’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
About Kati:
Kati Kons is a queer wedding fashion stylist based in Washington, D.C. They specialize in helping queer individuals find affirming and non-traditional attire for weddings and other formal events. Kati works with nearlyweds, guests, and vendors, guiding them through the process of finding attire that reflects their personal style and identity. They are known for their inclusive and affirming approach to wedding fashion, particularly for those who may not find themselves represented in traditional wedding attire.
Follow Kati Kons:
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
- Website
- Tiktok
- Youtube
- Get Christa’s Book, Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story on Amazon
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Okay, so we were just talking like while before recording and so we’re like, you know, let’s just start. And of course here I am the planner. I have to start like introducing it even though we said like, let’s just start talking. Um, anyways, we were talking about bridesmaids being a bridesmaid because I said last week my person had a hot take that said, if you like your friends, don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid.
And I’ve been a bridesmaid like nine times. You said you’ve been one once and that was enough for you.
Kati Kons: Yeah, that was totally enough. Like I’m done. Yeah. Well, and it was for my sister. It was not even like a friend. So funny.
Christa Innis: All your friends listening are like, okay.
Bridesmaids, Budgets & Boundaries: Rethinking the Wedding Party
Kati Kons: I also got married two weeks ago and didn’t have a wedding party.
So,
Christa Innis: see, and I, it’s funny because like the older I get now, I’m like, there are certain things that like, I’m like, I would do so differently. Mm-hmm. I loved having my wedding party, but, but like, I feel like if I were to get married today, I’d be like, you know what? If you wanna be like, wear a certain color, but I’m not gonna have you guys do all that extra stuff.
I don’t know, I kind of just, it does complicate things a little bit.
Kati Kons: And like what, like what complicate, what does it complicate?
Christa Innis: I feel like not my own wedding. ’cause I feel like I, again, like I was one of the last, one of last of my friends to get married. So like, I had been in so many weddings over the years and I saw kind of like drama that happened with bridesmaids stress, with bridesmaid dress shopping.
Oh, I’ve, I got stories about that. Um, just crazy stuff where I was just like, I don’t wanna deal with this. So, for example, like the bridesmaid dress shopping, it was like. You’d go in with a bride that had no clue what she wanted. Right. And so like, everyone ha shares their opinion. Everyone picks their favorite dress.
It’s like bridesmaids the movie. Right? So it’s like everyone’s picking their own dress and like, this fits me the best. This color’s best for me. Too many opinions. As a bride, you need to know if we’re gonna have bridesmaid dresses. No. Kind of the vibe you want. So I was like, we’re going online. You have to set
Kati Kons: some boundaries.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So for me, I was like, we’re going online. I literally sent them a link to Birdie Gray and I was like, pick something in this color. Pick whatever style you like for your body. Do you?
Kati Kons: Yeah, no, that is, that is good. Um, I, um, one of my clients is a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding and didn’t know what to wear and came to me asking me to style them and was like, oh, uh, the bride doesn’t have any parameters whatsoever.
And I said, not even color. And she goes, oh yeah, I guess she gave us green and blue. I said green or blue. Not even like, not even like a shade, either one. There was, there was absolutely no parameter and no dress type. It doesn’t have to be a dress even. It can be pants, it can be anything. Um, which is great.
I like, I love flexibility, but at the same time, it’s like, you know, she has an idea of what she wants to wear and she has an idea of what standing out means. But I feel like. Everyone’s interpretation of like standing out and like being interesting at the same time, which is what bridesmaids want to do is be interesting, but not stand out too much.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Is like
Kati Kons: different in everyone else’s heads. And I feel like that’s really challenging balance to, like, it’s a balancing act and it’s really hard to strike that balance when you don’t communicate that with the bride.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And the
Kati Kons: bride doesn’t communicate exactly what she wants. So I’m like trying really hard to help her with this task, especially when I’m not in communication with the bride myself.
Christa Innis: So, yeah, that’s hard when there’s a middle person. Yeah. I feel like a lot of the stories I hear or see it all comes down to communication too. ’cause it’s like if a bride, you know, maybe is like, maybe there’s a weird tension with one of the bridesmaids or something, and then the one bridesmaid like picks a dress that’s like a loud color or something, but they never really communicate what the expectations were of being a bridesmaid or vice versa.
It’s hard to like. Get on the same page if they don’t communicate, I don’t know. Or if it’s like a husband’s cousin or something, so they’re not close.
Kati Kons: I just also feel like it’s really hard when you’re like a bridesmaid and there’s like some people that are like, oh, I can afford to pay $400 for a dress, and other people can’t.
And it’s like, how do you shove the expectation on people to like pay for some things and not other people? I don’t know. It’s so challenging. So I had another client subsidize her bridesmaids where she was like, oh, I want them in like $600 dresses, so I’m gonna give them $500 each and they’re gonna have to pay the rest of the way, or whatever.
Okay. And I was like, that’s a really good idea. But then she was like. But I want them in $800 shoes. And I was like, girl, oh my gosh, that’s like a crime. You can’t do that. Um, and so we had to have a conversation about expectations. But anyways, um, that was, uh, it was, it was really nice on her end to be like, oh, I wanna subsidize part of the way because she wanted a certain look to like her, she wanted her bridesmaids to look a certain way and like have a certain aesthetic that she knew couldn’t be done with a smaller budget.
And so Right. That was definitely a great way to like ensure that at least it was there in some respect. Right,
Christa Innis: right. And
Kati Kons: I think not a lot of brides prioritize that. And I think they should.
Christa Innis: Well, yeah, and I feel like I’ve heard that a lot. It’s like they have all these expectations, but don’t kinda look at the budget of each individual person.
Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like, I look back at weddings I was in in my early twenties, and I think the first couple, they were pretty good. Like where it was like, okay, we were all just like right outta college. We were all pretty broke, you know? Mm-hmm. Exactly. And then as you kind of get a little bit older, like maybe you’re a little more in your career, but definitely mid twenties when I was in my wedding in weddings, I was still was spending way outta my budget because it was like bachelorette party, you’re, you’re paying for bridal shower, you’re buying gifts for each thing.
It all just adds up. And I was in weddings where brides wanted very specific. Most were, I would say most were laid back, but it was like very specific colors. Mm-hmm. And styles of shoes or something. Luckily not $800, so I couldn’t complain too much. But that’s why when it got time for mine, again, it was like a $99 dress.
I know on the website, I think my maid of honor, her dress was like 40 because they had like a sale. And I was like, buy yours now. Buy yours now. And so I was like, I want everyone to feel comfortable, like, yeah, wear shoes you already have, don’t spend extra money. I
Kati Kons: mean, like, we’re me and my friends, what’s so funny is like I’m, I’m 25, like we’re not, we’re not 22, 25 is like young, but like, I mean, we’re being the first being married out of our, all of the friends, you know, I feel like this responsibility to make everything cheap.
And we didn’t do bachelorette parties. We didn’t do any of, we didn’t do wedding parties. We didn’t make anyone pay for things. The only thing is we wanted people to be here. Yep. And, and, and, yeah. And we, they were here, you know? Yep. And that was awesome for us. We didn’t do a registry even, we didn’t ask people, we didn’t do bridal showers.
We didn’t do any of that. Um, which we didn’t. We’re non-traditional people, so that didn’t feel like we needed to do that at all. Um, but like, I don’t know, paying for things seems like such a big thing right now because of the economy, you know? But like, if I were, if I were like, I don’t know, I’m, I’m, I don’t feel like I’m millennial, but like if I were a millennial and I was like getting married in the time when all the millennials were getting married, like if I were my sister and like, I don’t know, everyone was doing those things.
And like I had the choice between like a $4,000 wedding dress and a $6,000 wedding dress and that $2,000 delta. Or I could take the $2,000 and subsidize my bridesmaid’s wedding or their dresses Yeah. To like get them to wear something much cooler. I would do that. I. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like people don’t do that and they should.
As a fashion stylist, I feel like if you’re gonna dictate what your wedding party is wearing, it better be something much higher fashion, you know? Mm-hmm.
Styling Weddings with Color Theory & Confidence
I had to wear, when I was a bridesmaid, a very boring dress. It was like just a plain sage green. How long
Christa Innis: ago? A plain sage green, you said?
Kati Kons: Yeah.
Christa Innis: How long ago was the
Kati Kons: wedding?
Uh, it was April, 2020. Uh, f*ck. 2022.
Christa Innis: Okay. So like three years ago. So I was thinking like when my, the first wedding I was in, which was, oh my God, I feel so old saying this. 14 years ago, like 13 years ago, I was a junior in college. Anyways, it was that everyone had the same bridesmaid dress style. Yeah. We all
Kati Kons: had the same one too, and that was three years ago.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I can you imagine? Yeah.
Kati Kons: Sorry.
Christa Innis: I love the individual going on. I love the individuality now. I love, I’ve been in a lot of weddings where we all wore the same dress and then it started moving to like wear the same color but different styles. Mm-hmm. Mine was like, pretty much wear the same color or same color, but there was like three color options in the same family.
It was like mauves, whatever. Yeah,
Kati Kons: yeah, yeah. That’s cool. But,
Christa Innis: but yeah, I was, but I see, the thing is, if I had a stylist, I feel like I would be one I love now where they have like different colors, but it just goes together. Mm-hmm. I’m not like, I don’t have the eye for that, so I’m just like, you know what, pick one off.
There’s,
Kati Kons: there’s a very easy way to do that. It’s so easy and all you have to do is play with the color wheel a little bit. Because like, you don’t wanna do something. Well, first of all, you have to do a bunch of different colors. Right. But you can’t use all of the colors. You have to take like two of them out.
So if you’re gonna do like a rainbow, like take out your reds and like any your reds and anything close to a red, uh, pinks are cute oranges if only if they’re bright. Right. Don’t do like a burnt orange. Right. Okay. Like what I’m wearing right now. Like, take out your red. Yeah, but it’s like, it’s like something super warm, like a red.
Don’t do that. Right. Okay.
Christa Innis: Okay. Okay.
Kati Kons: And then you have to maintain, it’s like kind of, it’s kind of like using color theory, but like I’ve never been trained in color theory. The only, so my experience using this color theory is what I’ve been taught as an 8-year-old in art class. So, love it. Literally just like keep that in the back of your mind as I tell you this.
Is that the way that I do it? Is like complimentary colors are like opposite colors on the color wheel.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: Um, and you would use like bright, you know how you would use bright colors with darker colors, right. And opposite colors.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: Um, you would just basically play with that and take away one color of all of ’em, like red I said, or whichever color you don’t like, red, blue, whatever.
Okay. Um, and then play with the rest of the, and make one of ’em, not neon, but really bright, um, as your accent color.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Kati Kons: I feel like we should, I feel like I should show you this as in real time, but um, here
Christa Innis: I’ll just show you my purse. You are like, let me just like whip something together.
Kati Kons: Yeah. Oh, this is a, is this a good example?
This doesn’t have any blues on it.
Christa Innis: Okay. So yeah, because it all goes together because you’re not take, you’re taking out one of the main Yeah. I wanna start like, noticing this and like looking around because so many fashion is all
Kati Kons: just observing if you Yeah, I was just having this conversation with someone today.
Oops. Fashion is just observing. Um, but yeah, color theory is interesting. It’s just like, um, like, you know how, you know, the, when I was young, they always taught in color class and art class. I used to talk about all the time, uh, the sports teams, uh, football team jerseys. Mm. Like if you think about marketing in, uh, sports, uh, like the Seattle Seahawks, the like neon green and the navy blue.
Mm-hmm. That’s like a very intentional marketing thing. Um. What else? I always thought that like the Vikings, the, the gold and the purple a very bad choice. And the Packers is now, it’s iconic, being gold and green, but I feel like is also a bad choice.
Christa Innis: That was my high school colors. Oh God. We were the Gators.
Where are you from? Uh, Chicago suburb.
Bridesmaid Drama & Digital Boundaries
Kati Kons: Oh really? Me too. Oh yeah. Well, let’s talk about that. I now I’m scared. Where, where are we from? Are we from the same suburb? Are are we neighbors? No. My God. Wait, who’s the Gators? Do I know? The Gators? Let me think. Me and also my partner. I might
Christa Innis: even pull this out ’cause I’m like so secretive about where
Kati Kons: I live.
I don’t, I don’t know if I know the Gators. So let me think about this for a minute.
Christa Innis: There’s the Florida Gators, you know,
Kati Kons: Stevenson?
Christa Innis: Stevenson.
Kati Kons: Oh, nevermind. I feel like Stevenson was green. That’s why I, oh, Stevenson
Christa Innis: High School. I’ve heard of that.
Kati Kons: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Who did I just meet? I just met someone that said they went to Stevenson.
Someone messaged me on. TikTok. So if you’re listening, Hey, uh, she messaged me, I think she said she went to Stevenson and she was like, you talk about being from Chicago on your podcast. And I was like, oh, I didn’t realize I did that, but yeah.
Kati Kons: What suburb is it?
Christa Innis: Huh?
Kati Kons: What suburb is it?
Christa Innis: I’ll tell you when we don’t record, or I guess I can take it out.
Oh, that’s
Kati Kons: fine. That’s so fair. I mean, I guess like, I don’t think, I’m never gonna live there again. I am in Washington DC right now, and yeah, I feel like, I don’t know. I got docs on the internet a couple months ago in which people found my old Instagram account and I deleted it by now. But like they found my old Instagram account, they found a bunch of old sh*t on the internet from me and like put my address on the internet.
Christa Innis: Oh my God. That’s like my nightmare.
Kati Kons: It was like kind of bad. Um, long story short, don’t, um. Do a lot of things that I did, which is actually, actually don’t, don’t be a right wing troll on the internet. How about that? Um, anyways, yeah. Um, I literally was about to do something anyways, don’t don docx people on the internet.
Thank you. Yes. And then, uh, so I feel like that’s fine. But I grew up in a suburb of Chicago, not yours though, because I think I would’ve known by now. Because I don’t know a gator in that area. But anyways,
Christa Innis: people are gonna be like searching like gators. I don’t live there now, so it doesn’t really matter.
But I’m like, I’m like very private online, and I’m like, if people seek No, you should be, no, I
Kati Kons: think
Christa Innis: that’s a really
Kati Kons: good thing
Christa Innis: because there’s just like, like what you just said. Um, I had a girl on here that said,
Kati Kons: I was like, the f*ck. But it, uh, it’s a good thing because I, uh, and you should know this for the future, if you ever get docs, you can request to scrub things from Google.
And so I did and it was gone. Oh,
Christa Innis: well, there you go. All right. Well that’s a, that’s a good lesson. Yeah.
Kati Kons: Yeah. And I’m so sorry for derailing the conversation like four times, but, um,
ADHD, Creativity & Queer Wedding Fashion
Christa Innis: oh my gosh. You’re, uh, let’s, let’s go back, well, since we kind of just jumped in, can we just like introduce who you are and what you do?
I know we kind of went backwards, but I, um, I feel like it would give more context to why we’re talking about styling so much. So tell us about your brand, who you are and all that good stuff.
Kati Kons: I am Kati. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, um, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, um, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress.
Um, to clarify. Um, and what were your other questions? I have a DHD. I just already lost it. Oh, good. I
Christa Innis: think that’s why we’re vibing so well. I haven’t, okay. I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but my whole life I’m like, I’m pretty sure I have a DD or a DHD. No. Then you probably do. It’s, I get like, either very focused or I’m just like, woo, where are we?
What are
Kati Kons: we talking about? Yes. That’s a DHD. It’s, it’s not the lack of focus, it’s the reregulation of it. Right? Yeah. If
Christa Innis: I don’t plan out my day. I’m all over it. That’s why I’m a planner. That’s why I love planning sh*t, because if I don’t, I am.
Kati Kons: That’s really good. I, I don’t, I really should plan out my day because when I do it, I’m so on, you know?
Yes, yes. That’s the thing.
Christa Innis: I think people don’t think we have the capabil, I say we now. I’m like, now I’m a part of the a d We don’t, people don’t get us. No. Um, yeah.
Kati Kons: It’s okay.
Christa Innis: No, it’s just like, I think like the
Kati Kons: diagnosis is just a label.
Christa Innis: Okay. It’s just a label. Yeah. No, I just feel like once I was really able to like get organized, that’s when I was like, okay, that’s my magic power.
I can get organized and I can get stuff done if I don’t, you able
Kati Kons: to like control your brain is just an unmatched thing. Yeah. It’s crazy. Once you be able to, once you’re able to like literally control, wield your power, it’s. I just feel like it’s your brain is actually able to do more than other people.
I can’t explain it, but yes, sometimes my
Christa Innis: husband’s like, like, I’ll like bring up something else I’m working on. And he’s like, aren’t you already doing this? And I’m like, I don’t even know what just happened. Like, I just get outta the, I full disclosure. Right. Right now we have a, we have a two bedroom, so I work from, I’m in my closet.
Fun fact. So we gotta make spaces work. Um, and so I will come out of our room and I’m like, I just, I just got so much done and like I’ll like show him. He’s like, how did you do that? And I’m like, I focus mode, but if I don’t have a plan and I waste like a couple hours, I’m like so hard on myself. I’m like, what?
Kati Kons: Yeah. I feel like it’s like, I don’t know if, if I’m on, I can like do more than most people and if I am just like, uh, so not focused. I like waste so much time. It’s so terrible. But yeah, I feel something. Um, what was your,
Reshaping Non-Traditional Wedding Fashion
what I, did I have to introduce?
Christa Innis: Yeah. So. So talk about portrait of a bride on Fire. How you got started, how you got into it.
Yeah, how I got started.
Kati Kons: Okay. Um, well, I got started because I got engaged and I identify as like somewhere in between, like female and non-binary. It just kind of depends on the moment. Um, and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment, I guess.
Uh, like, yeah. And so, but I, but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really, really into like wedding dresses and I got really into like the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was like, there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.
Right?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.
’cause like to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, I don’t know, like on Etsy that you had to order mm-hmm. From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no like even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.
Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like nothing in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I started like kind of, I wanted to get into like what I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.
But I wanted, I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. Um, and so I kind of started, um, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s kind of how I got into it, is like I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.
Um, you know, they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. Um mm-hmm. And so that’s how I started is I started in like wedding fashion and now I do like wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.
And then I also do personal styling on the side, and I do some like. Like red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than um, the other two things. Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah, I do kind of a lot of things because I just kind of take on things that I wanna do and I don’t, and I only, I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.
So,
Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I, I remember. When I was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, I, um, I’m a, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I was like, the jump, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.
Good. Because they like looked like kind of dresses. So it like, looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was like flowy. Yes. I loved it. It was so, and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. Like, you know, you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.
Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. But yeah, it was just like, so I loved, but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding.
Queer Wedding Fashion Beyond the Binary
So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind of, like, are you looking for personally or like, do you look for like for brides or couples getting married, um, that, that come to you for that kind of unique look?
Kati Kons: Yeah. So I feel like, um. I, the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s like no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, that actually tailors their services to the queer community.
And I think that’s important, especially in pride month and like this time, day and age, when like queer people are like just being targeted left and right, right? Mm-hmm. So, but uh, to take a step back, I think like the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but like the comfort of pants, right?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: Mm-hmm. And like. Like you just described, a jumpsuit is like gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want when, but you get the, like, the prettiness of make a dress, you know, Uhhuh. Um, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the, like, I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s like, I want the grandeur of like that.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. But
Kati Kons: I don’t, but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because
Kati Kons: they feel secure in pants.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love, and I think
Kati Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: Yeah. But like suits are just like out of the f*cking question for a lot of people, so, you know.
Yes, yes. Especially ’cause like the there the options for like suits or like. Traditional man suits, which are like, you know, f*cking boxy as sh*t. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to like corporate events. You know, there’s not like a, what does it feel like?
And then there’s like the other accessible suits you find out like fast fashion places, you know, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality sh*t that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.
And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.
Redefining the Wedding Experience
Christa Innis: Do you ever like want to like work with a designer and like design like your own? I don’t know. I feel like you have such an eye for that stuff where you could like design. I do that for some
Kati Kons: clients.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: Some clients look for custom options. And I do work with designers to design custom attire when they have the budget for it.
It’s just way more expensive. Of course. So I
Christa Innis: bet. Yeah. Yeah.
Kati Kons: I love, I love that because it’s like really, really fun to go through the whole beginning to end process of being like, let’s formulate your vision. And like what’s so fun is being like being able to see where someone has a vision and being able to be like, okay, but we can make it so much cooler than that.
Like, yeah, so much cooler than what you have seen on these random Pinterest boards that are just like probably so limited. Mm-hmm. And like, let me show you some even cooler stuff. You know what I mean? Like Yeah, like let’s show you some stuff and then like, let’s draw and like, let’s do all this stuff with the designer.
Like it is so cool to watch everything develop and I’m not a designer so I can’t, like, I can’t sketch and I can’t, you know, make garments. But like seeing that chick from beginning to end is the coolest thing in the world. And then me being able to like. Pick out their shoes and like walk them through their hair and makeup and accessory.
Oh my God. It’s such a fun, it’s such a fun moment. Like putting together. Yeah. Okay. So
Christa Innis: you mentioned you just got married two weeks ago. Mm-hmm. Congratulations. So Thank you. When it came to planning or putting together your own wedding mm-hmm. Like what were things that were the bat you were like, this is what we want, and what were some things that you were like, we no, we’re definitely not doing that.
And you said no wedding party. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Kati Kons: Um, so we, uh, as young queer people, we were non-traditional in nature and we said, no florals. We did not spend any money on florals. And my, we did spend a lot of money on a photographer. Um, and my photographer is Lindsay Michelle in Boston, and she is amazing. Um, but I knew her way before because of what I do.
I knew her way before our wedding and she knows me well. So she was like, I need you to get a personal floral because I need you to have something in your hand. I need you to have a hand accessory. You’re gonna thank me later because she knows me. She knows I’m gonna want the whole look, right. Mm-hmm. I’m gonna want my whole look to be done.
And I was like, you’re right. I’m gonna want not a flo, a personal floral, I’m gonna want a purse. And so I got a purse with flowers in it. Oh, cute. Yeah. But we didn’t get any florals. And the other things that we did differently is. We did it in our apartment.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: We walked in together, no bridal party, uh, ceremony.
And then
we didn’t do like a, a dance situation. We just went to dinner afterwards. I love that. Yeah. It was pretty like chill and laid back. It was really nice.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I love when you go in like on the same page, knowing what you want. ’cause I think so many times couples get caught up with like, unsolicited advice coming in of like, you need this, do this.
And then you end up having this day where you don’t even enjoy it ’cause you’re like, I’m doing this for everybody else. Not yes. For us.
Kati Kons: And I think that’s tremendously challenging, but also I am, I said this to my partner, I don’t know if you can, uh uh. Like, if you relate to this, but I’m so lucky that I didn’t have a childhood dream of a wedding because I didn’t have to deal with any expectation around what I thought my wedding would look like.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: Uh, and I just feel as if a lot of people, especially a lot of young women, grow up with a dream of what their wedding would look like and like when you get to be in adulthood in terms of like finances and in terms of just like where you are in life and execution and, and so many different things.
Mm-hmm. It just like can turn out so different and I just, like, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s not. And like, I’m just so glad I didn’t have any expectation because I had the best f*cking day in the world, you know? I love that. Yeah. And so
Christa Innis: I just,
Kati Kons: I’m so glad I
Christa Innis: had no expectations. That’s such like good advice too.
And I’m so glad you said that because a lot of people probably don’t know this. ’cause I don’t even know if I’ve said it before, but, and then I find it surprising ’cause I have a wedding podcast or mostly like wedding content. But I was never the girl that was like, I can’t wait to get, be a bride. I can’t wait to have my wedding.
I never visualized it either. And I don’t think it was until like, being in a bunch of weddings and then like, I met my husband and like, you know, at that time we, like, we were engaged for like a hundred years. So like, we were like, kind of like knew what things we wanted and didn’t want. And so I feel like, yeah, it was just like a way different, I didn’t want the big ballroom.
Mm-hmm. I didn’t want the big Cinderella dress. I, that just wasn’t my thing. Yeah. And my parents were also ones to, they never like pressured and were like, oh, when you get married, when you do this, like, they were just never like that. And I, I’m glad because I wasn’t like, oh, I’m gonna be a princess on my day.
And I was just, I just. Never had that vision. And I remember even my makeup artist being like, you’re like the most relaxed bride I’ve ever done makeup for. And I was like, well, I figure at this point everything’s done. If something goes wrong, like we’re all here, like, yeah, have a good time. Like what am I to worry about?
Kati Kons: We always wanted, we always wanted was like we, we didn’t want the like, big event situation, but we did want is like a smaller micro wedding, like around 50 people or less. Um, but we wanted to have everyone there for like a weekend, like wherever we did, just so like we had people there for longer. So it was like a longer experience, but like a smaller amount of people so that I wasn’t like super.
Overwhelming, but that we had more time to spend so that we could like, you know, um, have a lot more experience, which I feel like is now becoming more of a thing with like, welcome parties and brunch afterwards and like, which I totally get because I think it’s so fun to spend a whole weekend with your people.
Especially, it’s like the one time everyone’s in town for you, it’s like mm-hmm. You might as well make it worth it, you know?
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: People are
Christa Innis: flying in or driving in, like have like different things set up or like plan to like hang out. I think
Kati Kons: it’s so worth it. I, and I think like a week long might be a little extra, but I’m like, at least making it a weekend I feel like would be so fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah,
Kati Kons: it works fun, at least for us, so
Christa Innis: yeah. I love that. Okay, let’s get into, because I know we’re kind of, we’re running on our A DH ADHD time in a longer time. No. Um, okay. Let’s get, if you don’t, I hope you
Kati Kons: don’t have a, I hope you don’t have a 6:00 PM Um, no, I don’t. Okay, good. Okay. I’m good. We’re, we’re good?
We’re good. Let’s go.
Christa Innis: Just have my family where they’re fine. Okay. Rapid fire. This is just pick one or the other, whether it’s your own, I don’t know, as a, I don’t know why I’m like introducing it. Just rapid fire. Let’s just pick one. Okay. Okay. Classic ballroom wedding or outdoor garden party.
Kati Kons: Outdoor garden party.
Christa Innis: Minimalist. Chic or bold and colorful.
Kati Kons: Bold and colorful.
Christa Innis: Veil or no veil?
Kati Kons: No veil.
Christa Innis: Custom gown or off the rack.
Kati Kons: Oh sh*t.
Is this for me or a client? Either, I mean,
Christa Innis: just in general, I guess, custom gown, uh, one photographer or photography and video package, one photographer first look photos or traditional aisle reveal. First look match your wedding style or your to your home aesthetic. Yes or no? Yes. Bridesmaids. Same dress.
Different dress or totally mismatched. Mismatched statement. Shoes or statement earrings.
Kati Kons: Statement, shoes.
Christa Innis: And then what’s one style trend that you wish couples would leave behind? Like, or just, or just any trend. You’re just like sick of seeing. Oh. Um, not to put you
Kati Kons: on the spot,
I know this one’s supposed to be rapid fire and I feel like I’m blanking now. It’s okay if you don’t have one too. I feel like I don’t, which is pretty wild, but I definitely do. I’m just blanking.
Christa Innis: No, no, it’s all good. If I think
Kati Kons: about it later, we’ll bring it up.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Okay. Awesome. Um, I think, well, I feel like we talked a lot of that about the wedding hot takes as we were kind of just talking.
What does Steven earrings at weddings?
Kati Kons: I’m still, I think that’s why I am blocked is because I am literally no one wears statement earrings at weddings.
Christa Innis: Okay. This might be a dumb question. What is a statement earring? Just like a big, bold earring. Mm-hmm. Like as, like,
Kati Kons: I’m just thinking of like a statement necklace where they’re just like, chunky.
What’s a statement? Yeah. But like statement earing is like, is like Yeah. Really wild and big and people don’t really do that at weddings. Yeah. I,
I don’t know. It’s true. People don’t really wear necklaces at all at weddings anymore, though.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I wear like the mo I wore like the most simple, I I wore my mom’s. They do.
Kati Kons: It’s like a, it’s a very simple thing. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because it’s like you’re wearing this like beautiful gown or whatever you’re wearing that you want most, most of the attention on.
Kati Kons: What’s the style thing that people should be, should leave it home. I feel like the answer is so many things, honestly.
Christa Innis: You said no veil quickly. Do you think veils are outdated?
Kati Kons: Well, like j in like the theory of it? Yeah, but like, oh yeah. Like, yeah, just like a garter, like in theory. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Like it’s disgusting in theory, but it’s like, I mean, it’s like cute. I mean, like, you should not have, if you, even if you have a garter, you shouldn’t do a garter toss. Like that’s disgusting. You know what I mean? But like a garter’s kind of cutie if you have the right dress.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I just did one for a photo.
I don’t even know if they took a photo of it now. They might have just done it with like everything. Yeah. And veil was one thing. I was like, I’m not doing a veil. I don’t wanna a veil. But then I ended up up finding one for like down the aisle. I did not cover my face or anything. Yeah.
Kati Kons: But I was just like, it’s a very, very religious thing.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: And like, that’s, that’s fine. I just feel like if you’re gonna honor that tradition, honor that tradition. But if you’re like just wearing one to wear one, I just feel like we need to separate, I feel like we need to honor the tradition if we’re gonna wear a veil. I feel like we need to not be so nonchalant about wearing veils,
Christa Innis: in my opinion.
Kati Kons: Okay. Um, but I feel like there, I feel like I do have a very hot take about. Styles for weddings. Leave the white at home maybe. Um, I literally wore white to my wedding. Um, I don’t know.
Christa Innis: You Oh, like, you think like No. What? No. White at weddings.
Kati Kons: I just feel like it’s kind of, I would love to step away from it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: Um, I don’t hate it. I just would love to step away from it. Do you ever
Christa Innis: consider wearing another color at your wedding?
Kati Kons: Yeah. Yeah. I just didn’t because, um, I didn’t wanna be too different from my partner and she wanted to, so I was like, I’m not gonna like, fight too much about it. Yeah. And I know that she, like, I wanted her to be super comfortable so I wasn’t gonna like, make it a thing, you know?
Right. I get that.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I’ve seen gorgeous black wedding dresses, never in person. I’ve just seen them on weddings and I was like, I love the look of that.
Kati Kons: Oh yeah. Well, we were both open to wearing either black or white, but. We found her dress that was in white first, and so we were like, okay, we’ll do that.
Christa Innis: Go along with the theme. I love it. Yeah. All right. Let’s get into this week’s wedding submission. So people send me these stories. I have not read it yet, so I don’t know what’s gonna happen and We’ll, please, I just
Why Dress Codes Need a Makeover
Kati Kons: thought of my thing. Can I tell you everything?
Christa Innis: Oh, yeah, please do.
Kati Kons: This is actually a long more of a long answer.
Um, this is not a rapid fire answer, and that’s probably why I didn’t think of it right away. Um, I have a hot take though in terms of a style thing that, okay. I leave at home. Um, and it’s just that I think formal attire, my definition of formal attire differs from the average person. Mm-hmm. But specifically at weddings.
Christa Innis: Okay.
Kati Kons: Uh, in that, like our wedding, our like dress codes at wedding, be it the guest dress code or just like what we were to, weddings in general needs to stay at home in general. Like we need to, those need to go die, um, because like they need to go to jail, like whatever, because they are so obnoxious and limiting for queer people specifically, or like any type of non-traditional person trying to feel themselves because like, how are you trying, how are you going to express yourself in a way that is outside of the social norm?
If you’re like not fitting into traditional standards of formal attire, if it’s not like a suit or a dress, right? Because if you think about it this way, people who don’t fit into the standard norms of traditional attire, suit or dress, if you’re a celebrity, all you do is wear something super chic, high-end fashion.
Maybe it’s a t-shirt and shorts, but it’s Balenciaga, and you still walk the runway and you still look chic as f*ck, and you’re still slaying. And that’s great because your name is Billie Eilish and it’s branded and it’s really cool, you know? Mm-hmm. And like, that’s awesome. But why do, why can you do that on the red carpet and not at a wedding?
Christa Innis: Hmm. Why
Kati Kons: are our, like, why is the decorum for a red carpet moment so different than the decorum at someone’s wedding? And I understand that the marketing moment is a little bit different than someone else’s wedding, but why is the formality of a red carpet event, which should be the most formal event. So different than the decorum of someone’s wedding, which should be your average Joe’s most formal event in your lifetime.
Right? So why does a celebrity’s red carpet like event have a different definition for formal than our, our average person’s definition Of formal? Because for queer people being something other than suit and dress is not acceptable. In our definitions of formal attire, there is no like, I’m gonna wear something outside of those norms that fits into formal, semi-formal black tie.
There’s nothing that fits into that. Experimenting into, into different things doesn’t fit into those categories because it’s not socially acceptable. Socially acceptable is what fits into those categories. Mm-hmm. And like there’s no way to like experiment with new things with those dress codes. It just doesn’t work.
Yeah. And so I’m like, my whole like goal, my purpose is to like try to change the definition to like align more with like the red carpet definition where like if you’re mo most comfortable in a t-shirt and shorts, like great, let’s f*cking elevate that. So it’s a red carpet t-shirt and shorts, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm. Like, let’s get you a t-shirt. I know a lot of high-end t-shirt and shorts and it’ll look high-end as well. It’s not like it’s gonna look like Adam Sandler, like it’ll look high-end, you know what I mean? Like, uh. It’s like there are existing really, really nice and really, really cool embellishments on t-shirts and shorts.
So it’s like, we’ll get you there. But like, why isn’t that acceptable for a wedding? It wouldn’t be today, you know?
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve never, so I’ve never been to a wedding where it’s like very specific, like, wear this. But I’ve seen more and more people do it where they’re like, only wear these three colors, or only wear this style of clothing.
And yeah, that’s, I feel like that’s, it’s a bit much sometimes like as the, like we’re talking to the planner, as the planner in me, sometimes I’m like, okay, here’s the vibe we’re going for. ’cause have you ever gone like invited to something and you’re like. What’s the, like, where are we getting married at?
What’s the style? Mm-hmm. Like, and you’re like, do I wear a formal dress? Do I wear a cocktail style dress? Am I wearing my jumpsuit? You know, that kind of thing. So I like some guidelines, but yeah, you’re, you make a really good point. No, direction is totally helpful.
Kati Kons: Mm-hmm. Like we talked about that with the wedding party.
It’s definitely true for the guests as well because like, I dunno, you don’t wanna, you don’t wanna be like the one that’s sticking out Yeah. At someone else’s wedding. Um, but like, you also, as a queer person, especially going to like a hetero wedding as a queer person, you don’t wanna stick out too much and like, you wanna also be yourself at the same time.
Christa Innis: Hmm. It’s
Kati Kons: like a really hard balance. Um, and like, I don’t know, I just feel like a lot of queer people have a hard time with formal attire and like weddings are just like one of the hardest places to be, I think. Um. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because like a lot of the options for like androgynous attire, I think are too adventurous for like a cape or like a, a scarf around your neck I feel like would be too flamboyant.
Um, because like if I said gender neutral, you, like, most people would think masculine, right? Yeah, that’s true. Um, ’cause like gender neutral in my head means like gender fluid or androgynous or something that’s like a mix of both. Um, but like that would mean it has to be somewhat feminine. Right? And most people would think it, it means like a suit, like masculine, something that’s like at least neutral and masculine.
So it’s acceptable to everyone, you know?
Christa Innis: I never thought about that. You’re right. Yeah. Yeah. Gender neutral. And so it’s like more masculine.
Kati Kons: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: And
Kati Kons: so it’s like. It’s really challenging to find something that is actually androgynous or like gender neutral or something that’s like acceptable for people to feel comfortable in, because that is oftentimes not the expectation of everyone else.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Kati Kons: Yeah. It’s really hard. Um, but the only reason I say that is because I feel like there’s a lot of, like people whose expectations about formal attire are very different from like, um, queer people whose expectations for formal attire are like very different. Yeah. I just feel like we need to all dress ourselves in a way that makes us happy and walk away and that’s it.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Kati Kons: I feel like, like we, somebody said to me once on TikTok, somebody said to me once on TikTok, I posted a video, I. They said what looks like non-traditional formula attire to you for someone’s wedding. And I posted a bunch of pictures that were of the wedding, the designer that designed my wedding attire and I love her.
Her name is Ophelia. She’s great. One of the pictures was of like a sheer silk organ organza hoodie, and it was a mini dress, a hoodie, mini dress. It was gorgeous. And it was like, like again, like silk organ organza, oversized hoodie. Like really cool. And they were like draw or uh, I’m sorry, draw strings.
Draw strings. Like on a hoodie.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: Are not, have no place in formal at tire. Why is that there? And I was like. Like you’re really telling me something like silk organza has no like place in formal attire. Like you have no idea what you’re talking about. You know what I mean? Right. This person like literally has no idea what they’re talking about, but like we are so twisted in what we think formal attire means and our like understanding of like suit and dress is all rooted in like white supremacy and patriarchy.
It’s so terrible. So it’s like something we really need to shift our understanding into.
Christa Innis: Mm,
Kati Kons: sorry. That was a, that was a rant, but it felt like that needed to be said.
Christa Innis: No, I loved it. I love, I love the hot takes. I love, ’cause I feel like it opens up good discussion for, you know, people listening too to be like, wait, I never thought about it that way.
Or, you know, I think you’re, I think you’re right about, you know, the weddings in general or events in general put a lot of pressure on people to fit a certain mold and, and there’s like expectations of like how to look, how to dress. And, um, and I feel like as a, you know, as a queer stylist, you’re sharing so much more from your perspective and what you see personally, and I think that brings a whole new, uh, whole new take on it.
No, I, I’m, I appreciate, I see.
Kati Kons: I’ll say one more thing about queer weddings versus hetero weddings. You see, you know, when people try to, uh, theme their weddings sometimes mm-hmm. Or themes or, oh, theme Yes. Dress codes
Christa Innis: mm-hmm. Or
Kati Kons: stuff like that. Um, the theme upstage the bride, um, more often you see that at queer weddings.
I don’t know why.
Christa Innis: Mm. That’s interesting. Yeah. I actually saw like a viral post about upstage the bride, and I loved it. And that was the first time I had seen it.
Kati Kons: I like, love that so much.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Do you think it like. I think about that. Yeah. I wonder if it’s like, it runs in because it’s like the traditional, like, you know, like hetero wedding, it’s like the traditional, like bride is the queen star of the
Kati Kons: show.
I don’t know. We talked about our dress code being like Met Gala themed for a long time. Uh, just so that everyone popped the f*ck off. Um, ’cause we wanted something like that. Uh, and then we realized we didn’t want people spending a ton of money, uh, just on the retirement. Yeah. Um, so we did do that. But, um, I don’t know.
I don’t know. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know what it is about like the traditional culture that like does that, but it’s interesting.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because I’ve even heard people say like, don’t wear, oh, like. Bright red dress to my wedding dress. Yes. Where is this and where does that come from? I don’t know.
And see, I’m someone where I’m like, I don’t care What? I didn’t care what people wore in my wedding. One of my closest friends wore a bright, like a hot pink dress and looked amazing on her. I had five people wear hot pink to my wedding. Yes. It was like, good,
Kati Kons: thank
Christa Innis: you. You look great. Yeah. Someone could have showed up at White.
White in my wedding too, and I would not have cared. I’m not that. My
Kati Kons: sister had like a white cardigan and she was like, I didn’t wanna outshine you. And I said, honey, no one’s outshining me today. I was like, are you kidding? Not worried. Are you kidding? And she was like, she was like, did you really just say that?
And I was like, do you really think you’re outshining me today?
Whose Day Is It Anyway?
Christa Innis: I feel like I’m not, I’m not worried in the slightest. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like it’s like let people be themselves. I mean. I don’t know. I was not the least of my concerns of what people were wearing to my wedding. Yeah. I didn’t really care.
Okay. Let’s get into this story thing. Yeah. We’ll just react as it as we read it. Um, or I’ll just, we’ll just kind of stop and share our thoughts. Okay. Here we go. My older brother got engaged six months after I did, which annoyed my mother a bit. She would have preferred my wedding to happen first, but it didn’t bother me.
I was close to my brother and happy for him. He’d only been dating his girlfriend for a short time compared to me and my now husband who’d been together for years. My brother said, wait,
Kati Kons: wait, stop.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: He got engaged six months after she got engaged, or six months after she got married, I’m
Christa Innis: guessing, after she got engaged.
Kati Kons: Okay. So what’s the problem? Because the mom got upset.
Christa Innis: I think it’s like the mom thing of like, yeah. I get so many stories sent to me where parents or siblings get mad if like they’re not engaged or married first.
Kati Kons: That’s weird.
Christa Innis: It’s weird. And it’s like this rivalry or like sister-in-laws if like the younger one gets engaged first or married.
Yeah. There’s like so many stories like that. So like she doesn’t care, but it’s like the mom seems like annoyed by it.
Kati Kons: Okay. Okay.
Christa Innis: Weird. Okay. Sorry. Continue. Yeah. No, you’re good. Um, my brother set his wedding date for exactly one year after mine. I was pregnant at at his wedding due just a few weeks after the big day.
It was very warm day, which isn’t ideal when you’re heavily pregnant. My sister-in-law had booked their wedding in a local church right after a large parish event. The car park parking lot was packed when we arrived. And we are, we were nearly reversed into, oh my gosh, my reading skills. Here we go. Let’s try this again.
The car parking lot was packed when we arrived and we were nearly reversing into, oh my gosh, why is this? Just pretend like that didn’t happen. Okay. The car parking lot was packed when we arrived and we were nearly reversed into, on my side of the car. Not a great start. Then the bridal car broke down, so everything started late, which would obviously stress out even the calmest bride.
Before the wedding, my brother asked if we could make it to family photos, which were scheduled in a location that was out of our way, not because the church and the not between the church and the reception. I asked if they could take family photos at the church and do bridal party photos at the other location, but they said no.
So after the ceremony, which was only 10 minutes from my house, we went home so I could briefly rest and eat by that stage. I was very warm and very tired having been up early. Then my sister calls in a panic asking where we were saying that the photos were starting and we needed to hurry. We were 25 minutes away from the photo location.
Everything was running late due to the ceremony’s delay. We rushed there wondering why they couldn’t take photos. In the meantime, they were waiting on the bride’s, two brothers who were notoriously late. When we finally got to the wedding, uh, to take photos, my husband wasn’t the main, wasn’t in the main sibling shot, as in it was just my brother and his siblings.
After that, the bride approached my husband and complained that we were late saying it wouldn’t have happened at our wedding. I could see the anger in my husband’s face, but I didn’t know what was wrong until I, he told me later I was livid. It sounds like a lot of like, again, like the communication and just like people.
Wanting it their own way. Uh, for the rest of the day. I kept my distance from them and honestly, it ruined the day for the side of the family. For comparison, my own ceremony had been just five minutes from where we took family photos and the reception was only 20 minutes away. All minimal travel and on the same route.
Also, no one at my family was heavily pregnant. Her own sister was,
you can’t help that girl. I’m sorry. Uh, sorry. Can’t I, people get, um, or have gotten on me before when I like critique the story a little bit, but it sounds like she’s wanting to be catered to.
Kati Kons: A little bit, uh, a little bit. If,
Christa Innis: if they found a setting they really like for photos on their wedding day, they should be able to have it.
Kati Kons: Uh, and yes, her comparing the, um, the route being only five minutes away, like, I don’t know, we literally walked a mile from our apartment to the national Mall to go like, get food. And that’s like a 20 minute walk. Like, and we just did that for Fonzie.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: Like it’s, I dunno. And it was, it was cool and it was fine.
If it was 30 minute walk, we probably still would’ve done it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, here’s the thing, like I, it sounds like a lot of people like were late and maybe, maybe they also got yelled at, you don’t know, right. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten yelled at, but.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, yeah, I’m sure. I mean, I’ve, I wasn’t maid of honor pregnant at a wedding.
I don’t, I wasn’t, I wouldn’t say heavily. I was like, well, I was, I was seven months, so I was pretty big. But like, I wouldn’t never have expected them to cater things to me, and I, I
Kati Kons: didn’t, yeah, that part of the story was kind of wild when she was like, I called to see if they could do photos at a different location.
Yeah. I was like, changed. I, I literally, I was like, was I supposed to react to that? ’cause I was like,
Christa Innis: I know. I was like waiting for the punchline. And I’m like, I’m not trying to come out hard on this ride, but like. Like we, the wedding I was in was like in December, we’re talking Chica, like this was downtown Chicago.
Cold. Yeah, cold. We’re outside. I’m not gonna be like, you know what? I’m pregnant. I’d rather not be outside right now. ’cause No, you just skip the photos. You’re not in ’em If you just skip it, just skip it. Yeah. It’s not, not, you’re just not
Kati Kons: in ’em. And like you say, sorry, I just can’t do it today. I’m pregnant as f*ck.
And like you walk away and like they do their thing and you do yours and that kind of sucks. But it is what it is. But you know.
Christa Innis: Yeah. We can’t, we can’t have our own expectations for other people’s weddings.
Kati Kons: No, no, no, no. That’s where you
Christa Innis: start getting irritated because it’s like. Let them have their day.
If you don’t agree with it, you don’t have to be a part of certain
Kati Kons: No. And I think that conversation probably should have happened before even she asked, can you move the pictures? Because if the bride was like, I’m so heartbroken that you couldn’t be here, let’s move the photos for you. That should have been a ball in her court decision rather than a I’m gonna ask you to move them,
Christa Innis: you know?
Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. Oh my
Kati Kons: God.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay, so this says her own sister was heavily pregnant at her wedding too, so she should have understood, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a problem with the sister.
Kati Kons: I thought she said no one was heavily pregnant at her wedding,
Christa Innis: um, at her own wedding. So this is at her brother’s wedding.
Kati Kons: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: And she said, so no one was pregnant at her wedding.
Kati Kons: Okay.
Christa Innis: But at this wedding, she’s pregnant as well as the bride sister. She couldn’t stand.
Um, a few days later when my brother and his now wife stopped by my mother’s house, she said to me when my brother was out of earshot that she should have had a word with me about everything. My mom shut that down and said she absolutely would not say anything to upset me, especially just weeks before I was due to give birth.
I mean, saying you’re gonna have a word with someone sounds very like, like, I don’t know, like older, like I’m gonna have a word with you. I don’t know. That sounds like someone trying to like, put you down. Like I feel like they maybe should communicate, but to say you’re gonna have a word with someone, I don’t know.
Um, I’d gone outta my way. Oh see, I’m already reading like, okay, this bride just want, or not bride. The sister wants to complain and I hate that it’s coming from the person that sent the story. ’cause it’s normally not. This way, but I feel like she feels like she was owed something. It says I’d gone out of my way to attend her bachelorette party, even though her own sister who was pregnant didn’t feel up to it.
So like she feel like, feels like she deserves a pat on the back, but I’m like, you didn’t have to go if you feel like she owed you. Um, and I was further along than she was the whole situation. Yeah. That
Kati Kons: doesn’t, yeah, girl, she could have been having like health issues with her pregnancy, right? Like you don’t know.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s not like, well I did this for you, so you should move your photo shoot. That’s the thing
Kati Kons: is love is not transactional. Yes, yes.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: And if it feels transactional, then don’t go
Christa Innis: right. I feel like we see that so many times, like especially with weddings. Yeah. People think if I do this for you, then you owe me.
It’s like the parents paying for the wedding, you know, you hear so many, they’re like, well, I’m paying for it so I can invite my college friend who I, you’ve never met. It’s like,
Kati Kons: yeah, it’s how it works. I will actually, I’ll say a hot take on here. One of my best friends from high school, um, didn’t come to my wedding.
Um, she moved to Italy, uh, like five or six months ago. Okay. Um, to be with her fiance who like lives there. Um, and so he’s like from there and she just like couldn’t, she started a new job recently and she just like couldn’t make it back for the wedding. Like, I mean, very reasonable. Yeah. Um, and is also planning her wedding for September and like she liked to, didn’t confront me or tell me that she couldn’t make it.
She just like, a couple days before the wedding was like, I’m so sorry, I can’t come. And I was like, I wish you would’ve told me sooner.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah. And
Kati Kons: I was like, that sucks. ’cause I just like didn’t know. And I asked her a few times and she just like wouldn’t respond. And I was like, I wish she wouldn’t have ghosted me about it.
Yes. But like, that’s the problem is, and now I’m like, expected to go to her wedding in Spain in the fall. Um, but I’m gonna go, and I thought about this for so long because I was like, oh, I’m kind of upset that she did that. But I’m also like, she probably just like, feels bad and didn’t know how to handle it.
And like, like I just said, it’s not about transactional. Like, I’m not just not gonna go because she just like couldn’t come to mind.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Kati Kons: And she would’ve, but she could’ve, you know?
Christa Innis: Right. You’re such a good friend. No, I feel like, no, that’s. That’s really hard to pull yourself out of and be like, okay, would I not go because she did this?
Or, you know, because this happened, or it feels
Kati Kons: so sh*tty of me, right. To just not go to her wedding, you know? Yeah. That feels like so dumb. And I feel like, I don’t know, I feel so
Christa Innis: good. I, I catch that so many times with people and I think we do it like, and I’ve done it too, being like, oh, they didn’t come to this.
And it’s like, well wait, it’s not, they didn’t come to this, so I go to that or don’t go to that. It’s kind. I go to it and do I want to go to it? Like, yeah. And I
Kati Kons: do wanna go. Yeah. I’m like, even if she couldn’t be here, even if she could have handled it better, I’m like, she still like my friend, I still love her.
I like flew to Italy and I picked out her f*cking wedding dress. I wanna be there. I wanna see it on her. You know?
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s amazing.
Kati Kons: Yeah. So I’m like, that was kind of weird. And I forgive her and I haven’t talked to her. She actually sent me a gift. I should open it. But anyways.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, anyways, yeah. But RSVPs are important.
Like I, I. Hate
Kati Kons: response. I hate, yeah. Rss. VP people. Yes.
Christa Innis: I hate when like, you have to reach out to people and be like, Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Or when people give you a maybe or like, they’re just like, we, we had, we had that, we didn’t have to deal with it too much. But I’ve heard of that. That happens all the time where people just, it slips their mind or they’re like, oh, maybe like, I’ll get off work.
Or, you know, little things like that where they just kinda like keep you on on a tentative, I guess.
Kati Kons: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, it says the whole thing caused friction between me and my brother. And we had always gotten along well, honestly, I think she was just, oh, just jealous that we got married first and that I was pregnant at her wedding as if I was stealing her limelight.
I don’t, I hate that. I just, girl, I don’t
Kati Kons: know if that’s the case.
Christa Innis: I
Kati Kons: know. That makes me so
Christa Innis: sad. I know. ’cause I normally. I wouldn’t say side. I don’t wanna, I don’t pick sides, it’s just when I read it, I just respond, right? Mm-hmm. I’d say most of the time when whoever sends it to me, like they witness whatever happens, and I’m like, oh my gosh, that’s terrible.
This is the first time. I’m like, no, I think you’re reading. And is
Kati Kons: this really the first time that this has happened to you?
Christa Innis: Like this bad? I would say yeah. There’s been a few times, I shouldn’t say bad, but there’s been a few times, like I’ve done like YouTube readings of stories. Yeah. I like say like, I come hard on the bride a little bit, and I’m like, Ooh, but this didn’t happen.
Or you assumed that she was doing this. And the people in the comments are like, you’re coming up on this, coming hard on this bride. I’m like, well, I’m just trying to be levelheaded
Kati Kons: if I can. No, it, it felt, I don’t know. Changing the, changing the location of the pictures was wild to me because like, can you imagine if you were the planner?
Yeah. I’m expecting that they didn’t have a planner. The fact that she called to ask to move, I, they probably didn’t have a planner. Right. Right. ’cause can you imagine the planner’s f*cking face when she says your sister wants to move the location?
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my God, she’s pregnant. Like, what? What? Um, that’s bonkers to me.
That is wild. I would never ask a bride to change a location no matter who I want. Change the logistics of your day, of your whole wedding day. And we’re talking 20 minutes. It’s not like an hour away. No, no, no. And even so, you don’t have to go. I know, like for one of my friend’s weddings, we, downtown Chicago, we took buses all around the city and we just took Yeah.
Pictures in different places. And that was like a, and I think, I wanna say she had a couple pregnant bridesmaids and mm-hmm. There was food and drink on the bus. Like, we were fine. She took care of us. I would never be like, Hey, you know what, can you, that’s wild because remember everyone listening, like you can say no to bachelorette party.
You can say no to being in a wedding. They don’t have to cater to you.
Kati Kons: I hate,
Christa Innis: I
Kati Kons: hate to, the whole bachelorette thing also gets me because I’m like, you could have said no. Yeah. I went and she didn’t. Is wild to me.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Kati Kons: I feel bad for this girly though. I know. I feel bad because it, I just, uh, I want, I want her to just be like.
Christa Innis: I feel like there must have been some kind of animosity before, because if this all happened and then she’s getting the vibe that like, oh, she’s doing these things and purposely,
Kati Kons: I feel like maybe she’s bad at telling stories and we missed some key detail about this in that there’s like some childhood trauma or something that we’re missing because I feel like there, I don’t know.
I feel like this story is like way too transparently against her for Yeah,
Christa Innis: like what I like, gotta go back and make, make sure I didn’t miss like a first paragraph or something. I, I don’t know. I think it all started when here’s my, okay, here’s my take. And again, I might be reading into it, but it’s, it’s my job here, right?
So when she said, my mom seemed to be bothered by it, but I wasn’t, I think she was bothered by it. So I think like in her mind, this whole thing, she’s like thinking about the whole time like, oh, they’ve only been dating this long. Oh, they’re getting married right after me. And so I think then everything just kind of becomes a, like a silent competition.
Yeah. Oh, that’s how I’m reading it, because like
Kati Kons: Oh, and so yourself. Because, because it’s a competition. She’s like, I went to the bachelor party
Christa Innis: and I did this,
Kati Kons: and I I went to your wedding pregnant, and so you have to change the thing because of me. Yeah.
Christa Innis: And I planned out my schedule like this. But you did it like this and you weren’t thinking about me the pregnant one.
Oh. So that’s how I’m reading
Kati Kons: it. You’re right. Uhhuh. But
Christa Innis: I’m
Kati Kons: sorry. You’re right.
Christa Innis: You’re listening. And, sorry, I’m not trying to come hard on you. Um, so she said, okay, so she said that honestly, I think she was just jealous that we got married first and I was pregnant at her wedding as if I was stealing her limelight.
But how did. How would she make you feel that way? ’cause she wanted you in the wedding, in a part of the photos. So I don’t know. We’d been together much longer and I feel like she took out her frustrations on me because her wedding didn’t go as planned.
Kati Kons: I feel like maybe it’s just the other way around. I feel like sometimes people, um, I don’t know.
I feel like I’ve seen that sometimes where people who have been together for a long time and then people get married who have not known each other, who have not known each other for very long, get married and there’s like a weird competition between those two types of relationships because they’re like, oh, well you haven’t been together for very long.
Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And they’re like, well, you don’t have to have known each other for very long. You know what
Christa Innis: I mean? Yes. They try to like belittle it. Yes. Yeah. I remember. Okay. So like I was saying earlier, like my husband and I have, we were engaged for. No, not engaged for, we were together for six years before we got engaged.
Just ’cause like, I never wanted to be like a super young married, we were, I was 23 when we got together. So anyways, that’s besides the point. But like couples that like met after us or started dating after us, but got married before us would make comments like, oh, like, like married comments. Like, they’d be like, oh, when you’re married you’ll get it.
And I’m like, we already live together. I’ve like, what do you mean? Like, oh, just something’s magically gonna happen when we get married. And I’m like, oh, now I understand. Like there was just so many comments of like almost belittling our relationship because we weren’t legally married. That’s so weird.
That’s so weird. Yeah, it happened more times I could count, I would just learn to just like shut my mouth because I was just like, that’s so
Kati Kons: weird.
Christa Innis: Because
Kati Kons: people are always like, oh, like do you feel different now that you got married? And I was like, no. I mean, we’ve lived together for how many years? Like, we literally, our life goes on and nothing changes the f*ck.
Christa Innis: You’re just like solidifying for yourself. Like Yeah, like
Kati Kons: we, we just decided to have a party for fun. I don’t know.
Christa Innis: Exactly. Yeah. I feel like once you like already like live together and like have your stuff all in a place together, it doesn’t really change much. No. But legally we get to save money on taxes, so that is,
Kati Kons: that is a plus.
Honestly, that’s so rude of the legal system. Like why sh*t on singles like that? It’s crazy. This, but they literally have to support themselves with one person’s income. That is so hard nowadays. And not only that, you’re gonna deprive them of tax benefits.
Christa Innis: I, yeah, it blows my mind. Speaking of crazy wedding stories that someone sent me about like.
Married versus like long-term partner. This girl sent me a story and she’s like, she’s a young adult, so she’s probably in her twenties, right. She said an aunt of hers got married and said, only married couples. She goes, my parents never got married, never got legally married, so they’ve been together 30, 40 years.
Right. My math might be off, but she’s like, my mom wasn’t invited because they’re not legally married. I thought, wait, they’re inviting the dad, they’re inviting his kids, but not the wife, or not the long-term partner because they’re not legally married. I thought, what a weird wedding rule.
Kati Kons: Am I lost?
What do you mean they’re not inviting the wi, they’re not inviting the wife. She’s, well, she’s not technically a wife.
Christa Innis: Right, right, right. But the Like the wife figure. The wife figure, yeah.
Kati Kons: Sot a wedding. It was like a wedding. It was like a fake wedding per se. Without the wife figure.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It was her dad’s sister.
So her aunt, and she was like, yeah, my mom wasn’t invited. ’cause they’re, it was married, couple couples only. Oh my God. When everyone’s document what? Oh, that’s great. I’m like, that blows my mind. Anyways, there’s one last paragraph here. Okay.
Kati Kons: Oh, here we go.
Christa Innis: I didn’t say much about it afterwards, but when my brother asked what she had said to my husband, it really stuck with me.
For years, the photographer didn’t want to deviate from the list of planned shots, but surely a professional. Okay, wait. So he said the photographer didn’t wanna deviate from his list of planned shots, which I agree with, but surely a professional could have worked around people being late. Plenty of other photos could have been taken while they waited.
I had to drive 30 extra minutes outta my way to the reception just to be in three photos, photos that could have been easily taken at the ceremony.
Kati Kons: I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Christa Innis: I’m trying, I really tried. This is, this isn’t, I hate to say this, but this is entitled, this is really entitled, Uhhuh. Oh, that sucks. But maybe this is a wake up call. I mean, I’m no therapist. I, I’m just literally just reading a story, reading a story. So maybe I’m understanding wrong.
If you’re listening and you’ve got more context, send it my way.
Kati Kons: Yeah. Please, please send a response. Yes, chime in. But yeah,
Christa Innis: that’s the lesson is, uh, if you are a part of a wedding, I mean, you can say no.
Kati Kons: Also, let’s, let’s also, another thing to take from that is get a planner. Because your photographer shouldn’t be your planner.
Christa Innis: Yeah. 100%.
Kati Kons: We hate that for planners or for photographers. That’s really rude. But, um, it like happens to a lot of photographers that they have to like, take over as planners when you don’t have one or a day of coordinator or something. But yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I got that vibe from my, my photographer literally was the best ever.
She had a full on timeline. Mm-hmm. And I talked to other brides, they’re like. They’re like, I don’t have one from my photographer. I was like, maybe mine’s like used to like people not having planners or something. Mm-hmm. Little does she know I’m very anal. I think
Kati Kons: that’s what the photographer for my sister’s wedding was like.
’cause she had everything planned out. Yeah. And I was like, afraid of that. I was like, wow. I was like, my photographer was like just much more type B creative. Okay. And I was like, I don’t, I don’t want her to be like worried about things. And she was still really, and I was like, I just don’t want to be like, I don’t know, worried about things.
I wanted the most laid back wedding you could imagine. And we did have that, so that was good. But
Christa Innis: yeah, when it’s down to the minute, that’s a lot. But I, I’m someone I like to know what’s gonna happen and like, even like something about like, Krista eat was on there. ’cause like if I get distracted by other things, I’ll forget.
So it was like that. Yeah. Ours was
Kati Kons: not down to the minute. We had like a lot of like, time in between things, so for us it was like really, really relaxed. That’s good. Yeah. So it was like, not like most weddings, which is awesome.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I like that.
Kati Kons: Okay. Um, did you get these people’s names or do I that was crazy or No, for this story?
Christa Innis: Um, yeah, they usually send like their,
Kati Kons: yeah, I don’t know if I get their name, but to this anonymous person, I’m so sorry, but please reflect. Yeah. Um, that’s all I have to say. Um, I, and you know what? The best is yet to come for you. Okay. It gets better.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I think, I think we’re either missing a lot of the story or I think there needs to like, need to figure out some, uh, there might be some like animosity that’s happening.
And so like every little thing is, it’s not against you, you’re not a victim, is what I am kind of getting from.
Kati Kons: I would just remind yourself that when you’re at someone else’s wedding, the wedding is about them for sure. Mm-hmm. For f*cking sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Every time. A hundred
Kati Kons: percent.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think so many times we hear these stories and we’re like, that’s crazy.
And then like, we don’t see ourselves in them. And so my guess is she probably was like, oh yeah, they’re gonna for sure read this and be like, that’s crazy that she didn’t do that. But it’s like we need to like, like take a step back and be like, wait, you’re asking a bride and groom take out that it’s your brother and his wife?
Would you do this at any wedding you’re a part of?
Kati Kons: Mm-hmm.
Christa Innis: And if you wouldn’t, then don’t do it at your brother’s wedding.
Kati Kons: No. I feel like I couldn’t even ask my sister to do something like that. Same,
Christa Innis: yeah. I’d be
Kati Kons: mortified. I would be mortified. Oh my gosh, I don’t even both because I would, is would I, is it, would it be easier to ask my sister or harder?
I don’t even know.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. I don’t know. I couldn’t do it. All right. Well that’s a crazy story. Thanks for reacting with me. Um, well thanks for coming out and hanging out with me today. Yeah, of course. Can you, um, tell everyone again where they can follow you, find all your content and anything exciting that you’re working on right now?
Kati Kons: Yeah. You can find me at Portrait of a Bride on fire on Instagram and TikTok and I am always working on fun things on. Styling things. If you ever need to be styled or if you want to revamp your wardrobe or if you have a wedding coming up that you need to be styled for, let me know.
Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Kati Kons: All
Christa Innis: right.
Figure out how to stop this. Oh my gosh. Why am I, oh my God. There we go.
Dress Codes, Divided Families & Day-Of Disasters With Lisa P.
What happens when a dream wedding breaks more than just budgets?
In this episode, Lisa Pontius shares how her whirlwind romance turned into a wedding that fractured friendships—literally.
From unexpected parent fallout to the silent war of traditions and finances, Christa and Lisa unpack the hidden landmines of wedding planning that no one warns you about.
Plus, they dive into viral hot takes—from guest dress codes to social media restrictions—and ask: are you really ready to get married, or just pressured to?
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
00:34 Lisa’s Background and Content Focus
01:25 Self-Care and Mental Health Through Fashion
02:48 Crazy Wedding Stories Begin
03:06 Lisa’s Wedding Journey and Family Drama
05:07 Wedding Planning Stress and Family Dynamics
14:21 Wedding Hot Takes and Opinions
25:02 Wedding Story Submissions
28:26 Wedding Mishaps in the Heat
30:26 Rainy Wedding Stories
31:59 Reception Disasters
33:54 The Missing Bride and Groom
38:02 Wedding Planning Realities
42:37 Weekly Confessions
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- When the In-Laws Stop Speaking – Lisa shares how her and her husband’s parents became friends, then stopped speaking after the wedding drama unfolded.
- Wedding Planning Pressure Cooker – Money, expectations, and tradition clashed hard during Lisa’s wedding, revealing everyone’s “ugliest selves.”
- The Myth of the Perfect Day – Lisa reflects on being the bride: “I wish I had been a guest at my own wedding.”
- Hot Take: Dress Code Boundaries – Lisa and Christa break down why curating your event is not controlling—it’s thoughtful.
- Unrealistic Wedding Expectations – How Pinterest weddings and movie moments set brides up for anxiety and disappointment.
- Setting Social Media Limits – Can couples really control what guests post? Lisa shares her surprisingly balanced take.
- Marriage > Wedding – With 12 years of marriage behind her, Lisa offers clarity on what really matters post-vows.
- Planning Regrets and Lessons Learned – Why day-of coordinators are non-negotiable, and what every bride should do first.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “My number one tip for brides—get on the same page with your partner first. Block out all the noise.” – Christa Innis
- “Weddings bring out everyone’s true colors… and not always in a good way.” – Christa Innis
- “You cannot blame the wedding party for a day you refused to plan.” – Christa Innis
- “Marriage should enhance your life—not be the only thing holding it together.” – Christa Innis
- “You don’t have to follow a timeline. Everyone’s journey is different.” – Christa Innis
- “Everyone is kind of their ugliest selves around wedding planning. It’s a recipe for disaster.” – Lisa P.
- “I joke that I wish I had been a guest at my wedding—being the bride was not awesome.” – Lisa P.
- “Weddings are not indicative of marriage. They’re a totally weird, standalone experience.” – Lisa P.
- “You’re not just curating photos. You’re curating an entire experience.” – Lisa P.
- “Be careful who your parents become friends with. You might be stuck with them forever.” – Lisa P.
About Lisa
Lisa Pontius is a New Yorker-turned-Charleston housewife who brings bold opinions, vintage glam, and real talk to every conversation. A former culinary school grad and kitchen pirate, Lisa traded 12-hour shifts for southern living—and never looked back. She first began sharing her story online during the pandemic and quickly found her voice talking about motherhood, self-worth, toxic relationships, and societal norms—always with a splash of style. Now known for her blend of 1950s glamour and modern edge, Lisa dishes up a mix of fashion, fire, and unfiltered honesty that’s anything but boring.
Follow Lisa P.
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi, Lisa. Thank you so much for joining me.
Lisa P: Hi. Thank you for having me.
Christa Innis: Yes, I am so excited to dive into this. like we were just saying before, recording, there’s so much drama when it comes around weddings and events and all that stuff. But before I talk too much, can you just tell everyone a little bit about you and, I don’t know, like maybe what interested you in coming on?
I feel like I’ve seen your content. A lot and I feel like you share a lot of important takes so I’m just interested to hear a little bit more about you and, what kinda I interested you.
Lisa P: Yeah. well, I’m Lisa. My handle is, it’s me, Lisa p across all socials. I share a lot about motherhood and relationships on my page, so, the conversation of weddings absolutely comes up.
The conversation of marriage comes up. So, I was intrigued to kind of come on here and talk about some of the drama that surrounds it. but yeah, my content really focuses on. relationship motherhood centered, but with like a real life spin. I like to kind of get to the why of the way things are, in a cute outfit.
So a little bit
Christa Innis: of everything. Yeah. I just say like, I love your style. I am always like you so put together. And I like thought about that when I was like coming on. I was like, okay, I need to make sure I’m like. dressed well because I know Lisa will be, she has such good style.
Lisa P: Listen, I love an outfit, but I’m just as likely to show up in, like my gym clothes if I haven’t had a chance to get changed.
So I totally get it. I just, this is one of my like self-care pick me up things that kind of got me out of my motherhood blues, and I consistently keep up with it because I know it’s. Like such a mental health thing for me.
Christa Innis: Yes. I am right there with you that I did the same thing. Like especially with working from home, I feel like you don’t see a lot of people all the time or like, I’m just here with my child.
And so sometimes it was just like, I need that feeling of like getting ready. And so like, even when I was home during like COVID, I was like, I need to like make sure I like, do something to make for myself. It’s like an
Lisa P: art. I think I got more into it actually during COVID because I was already a stay at home mom.
But I had that like busy schedule outside of the home, so I’d go from like gym to running errands to being with the kids. So I like wouldn’t have that time. And then once everyone was home, yeah, like fully sweat panted, I was like, oh no, no, no. I gotta get up and put some pants on because Yeah. Otherwise this is gonna be it for the next decade for sure.
Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh, a hundred percent. I know. I was like, I can’t be someone, I can’t just like sit. In sweats all day Of course, there are days I am in sweats all day. I will not never deny that. I love a good sweatsuit, but If I’m like doing something from home, I’m like, I still need to like do something or else I will just melt into my bed.
Lisa P: For sure. It shifts your energy I think and it like definitely makes me feel more, especially ’cause I’m around little people all day, you know? It makes me feel like a little bit more adult.
Christa Innis: Yes, absolutely. I love that. Okay, so jumping into like crazy stories, people love hearing the crazy wedding stories.
I’m sure we’ve all have witnessed. I know I have some things you have. A situation, I dunno if situation’s the right word, something that happened in your family when it’s relating to weddings and marriage. So I dunno if you wanna talk a little bit more about that.
Parents Became Best Friends… Until the Wedding Planning Began
Lisa P: Sure. so I feel like I have to preface this with me and my husband moved very quickly, like right after we met.
We knew that was at one, like we were ready. I think we like attempted to put a deposit on a wedding venue down before we were even like. Publicly engaged. Wow. So it was very untraditional in that sense. And I think that sort of started off the entire wedding journey with our respective families and kind of threw everyone for a loop from the get go.
we were just ready to get married as soon as we met. And, yeah, so we actually met because. My parents who were like new transplants to Charleston, which is where I’m still living. they had met his parents and they had become fast friends, so they. Friends first before I had even met my husband, before I had even like, heard of my husband.
Christa Innis: and somehow, like through the process of us getting married, their relationship completely disintegrated. And you hear it all the time with weddings that like friendships will break up.
Mm-hmm.
Lisa P: But like, this was so out of left field because these were like the adults in the room, right. Like these were the parents.
Christa Innis: Yeah, especially too, because like, I dunno, I feel like that’s like a dream for a lot of people. Like they meet and then it’s like, oh my gosh, maybe our kids will get married. You know? Like it just,
Lisa P: well we thought we had it hacked. We thought we were about to hit the grandparent lottery of like, oh, we’ll have kids and they’ll just all watch these kids and just hang out.
Like, this will be great. It did not work out like that.
Christa Innis: Was it the wedding planning? And of course like if, there’s anything like. Too intrusive or you don’t wanna share, like, just stop me. do you think the wedding planning or like the moving fast or anything with that, that had to do with it or just like happened soon?
I think
Lisa P: so. It was 100% the wedding mostly. I mean, I don’t, again, I’m not privy to like what went on behind closed doors in their friendship. There might have been like some underlying stuff, like, who knows, right? that’s their drama. But the wedding. Added so much like pressure onto it and onto me and my husband at the time too.
Wedding planning is extremely stressful. There’s money involved, there’s like traditions involved. There’s a lot of things that like are much more serious than like a social relationship, and sometimes you kind of, what I think happened is like their incompatibilities as. Friends kind of got blown up like blown wider because of the wedding planning and the pressure of that.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I was just talking to someone how like weddings, especially when you bring in two families together, almost brings in this like Unnecessary comparison though, right? Because it’s like if someone’s like, let’s say like family A is like really into planning and like maybe they have a little more finances or something.
The other one not so much. They might feel a little like. Uh, not insecure about it, but they might be like, Ooh, like I’m uncomfortable with this, or I feel like they’re doing so much and I can’t do enough, or, I’m being pushed out. when that might not be actually happening. They might just kind of have those feelings of like.
what’s going on here?
Lisa P: I think everybody wants it to be like, really, even like really down the line. And like in movies you see it, you know, there’s like the bride side and the groom side, and it’s equal. And I think that’s just not as realistic as like it actually goes down.
I know in our situation, both of my parents are only children, so there isn’t like a huge extended family on that end. But traditionally the bride pays for the wedding. So like. There was a lot of like, well, this seems like a lot of your people and like, we don’t have a lot of people and we had a very small wedding anyway because that’s just what we wanted.
but it definitely. Everyone had a lot of feelings about it, about like how many people were coming, how many cousins we could invite, who all was gonna be there, who all was paying for what, and it just, ugh.
Christa Innis: It like there’s so many Yeah. Opinions that come into a wedding that it’s like, it’s so hard. My number one tip for brides like that, like watch and like listen. I’m just like, get on the same page with your partner first. Block out all the noise because it’s so hard. It’s like you get people coming in that you maybe never had an opinion on anything before.
And they come in, they’re like, you need this. And you’re like, wait, do I need, yeah. Where did this come from?
Lisa P: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think weddings are in some way, like. Not indicative at all of marriage. So I think it’s such a weird standalone experience. And again, I’m now looking at it like 12. We just celebrated our 12 year anniversary, so like 12 years later, all the feelings have subsided.
We can laugh at it now, right? we can all laugh at the drama and the craziness and how stressed we were because it wasn’t the end of the world at the end of the day, we got married and we’ve been married and marriage is longer right than,the wedding part, but. I think, you know, the family’s coming together.
This is the first time where people have to like work together, you know, work within each other’s boundaries. Maybe set some boundaries, maybe do things that their mother-in-law doesn’t like. Maybe like these are the first things that you’re like, oh, I’m not gonna be able to make everyone happy and myself happy all at the same day the same way.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, that’s true. It’s like all the personalities coming together and. Certain ones really shining a certain a way me might not have seen before. I’ve definitely seen it in a lot of weddings. I’ve seen it in a lot of just events in general. Just like family events. You see like, oh, that’s how they, they are in this light.
Right? Or this is, that’s how feel about that. Interesting. Yeah. I feel like, you know, it’s just like. Especially like you don’t know what other pressures they’re getting. Like I know like just certain brides, like I’ve known before, they get married and then I know them during their wedding and I know them after their wedding and I’m like, oh, some of them were different people during all of those stages.
And not saying good or bad, I’m just saying like they just had different pressures put on them or different, you know, situations. And it’s just interesting how that comes up.
Lisa P: I mean, I know I felt victim to like the want everything to be perfect, like hyper fixating. I think brides in general do that. I think that’s where the bride Silda comes from.
Yep. Um, because there’s so much pressure to want this day to be this like picture perfect. Oh my God. Once in a million like time moment. And there’s so much pressure on it that I like. Oh my God. I, I joke with people all the time that I wish I had been a guest at my wedding. ’cause my wedding was awesome. Being the bride at my wedding was not awesome.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I heard that so many times and I was one of the later ones, like outta my friend group. I was like the la one of the last ones to get married. And I, my husband and I had been in so many weddings, so I’ve seen so many and I heard so many bride say that they were like.
I didn’t get to enjoy it or like there was too much of this going on or I kept getting pulled in different directions and so I was like, okay, I wanna try so hard not for that, to that to happen. Of course it did in to some extent, but yeah, you hear about that so many times. You put all this pressure on this day and half the time the bride and groom don’t get to enjoy it the way they want to.
Lisa P: Yeah. I think there’s just so much anxiety and so much riding on it and like. I feel like that contributed a ton to our parents, like kind of having a friend break up, um, during it for sure. Because everyone is kind of like, and this sounds terrible because it’s like a day of love, but like everyone’s kind of their ugliest selves, um, around like wedding planning.
’cause there’s big money and there’s big expectations and there’s big family. It’s a recipe for disaster. Yeah. Like, it’s just a recipe for like, something to happen. Like there’s gonna be some drama. It could be like with your girlfriends, it could be with like a bridesmaid or a groomsman or like, it doesn’t have to be your immediate family, but like, something’s coming up.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Oh, that’s for sure. It’s, they say everyone’s like, true colors come out during like intense moments and events like that. Um, so moving past that, so they kind of just like drifted apart and like. Now at family events, they just kinda like drift by. They like still aren’t
They Were Supposed to Be Co-Grandparents
Lisa P: friends. Um, they are co grandparents.
Um, and there are like family events where everybody comes and everyone’s like, fine and peaceful. But like I, I almost like to the point where I almost forget that they used to hang out like independently before us. You know what I mean? Like mm-hmm. They act like Stranger Law grandparents. Um, but yeah, they used to like.
Have beers by the pool and hang out and like that just blows my mind.
Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting. It’s interesting how relationships can just change so quickly like that when you go through an experience, I guess.
Lisa P: Well, and I’m sure they, they all in their own way probably like, ugh, we’re gonna have to see them forever.
Like a divorced couple. Yes.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Like they’re literally going through all those stages. ’cause they’re gonna. Like they, yeah, you can’t just ghost
Lisa P: each
Christa Innis: other and like never
Lisa P: see each other again because it would be easier, like you could totally do that one. One set of these parents doesn’t even live here anymore, so like it would be easy to never even think about each other except for the fact that you share grandchildren now.
So be careful who your friends are. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, yes. Wow. Yeah, I would say that would be a, I don’t even know if I would call the crazy story. It’s, it’s sad that that happens and it’s like sad that there’s like pressure on weddings and stuff, but, uh, I guess I. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be at the end, but
Lisa P: it, it was meant to be because you guys met through it.
I like to think that they were friends only for long enough to like bring me and my husband together. That’s my like silver lining about it, that they were never really meant to be friends. That that was kind of part of like the plan.
Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. I love that. And you guys knew right off the beginning, right from the bat that it was meant to.
Lisa P: Yeah, we knew. We knew really early and like, I know everybody says that. Some people get that like light bulb moment. Personally, like full disclosure, I didn’t have the light bulb moment. My husband had the light bulb moment. Um, but he, yeah, he turned to his dad after the first weekend we had met and we met at my dad’s.
60th birthday and we met because I flew down to Charleston for my dad’s birthday. And my husband’s parents were guests at like this birthday party, Shindi situation. And they like roped him into coming to kind of like, hang out with me ’cause I would be the only like under 60-year-old person. Um, and that’s how we met.
We were like kind of, they say it was like, it wasn’t a setup, but. It worked.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It like wasn’t a set up, but they were like, he’s got a son. They’ve got a son. I don’t know. You’re home. Yeah. Like, take your son maybe. Yeah. It was all meant to be in, in just a, a different kind of way. Um, all right. I love that.
Thanks. Thanks for sharing that. Um, okay, let’s get into some wedding hot takes. So these are different hot takes that people. Send to me on my stories and we’re just gonna kind of react to them, say what you kind of, what you think about them. Okay. Um, all right. Should couples get to control what guests post on social media about their wedding?
Lisa P: I guess it depends before or after the wedding, but like, I don’t think so.
Christa Innis: I know I’ve never really heard of that before. Lately I’ve been getting a few more like that, that are saying like, I don’t see, I was never like. I
Lisa P: feel like I got maybe too early to like even have that as like a conversation because like, like the hashtag thing hadn’t happened.
So I don’t think you can control everyone around you. No, unfortunately, no. Yeah. I feel
Christa Innis: like when it comes to like, okay, the bride’s getting ready and she hasn’t like come out yet. Yeah. Like don’t post.
Lisa P: Yeah. Don’t
Christa Innis: post a picture
Lisa P: of the bride in her dress before she does her like walk down the aisle. Like, be respectful.
Don’t post any pictures where the bride looks bad. I feel like that’s just not being a, a friend. Right? Like, you know, if you catch her like picking a booger, maybe don’t post that one. Um, but yeah, as far as like what they can share, I, I don’t see a problem with it.
Christa Innis: I feel it’s like the age we live in, it’s like you just know, like being a bride or groom at the wedding.
Like people are gonna take pictures, hopefully not during the ceremony if you have no photos, but you know.
Lisa P: Yeah, you’re not just gonna be able to share your professional photos. People will have like candidates and stuff.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And last times those turn out really good. I mean, I didn’t have photos like during the ceremony, but like I had some random like f friends that took photos, like during our fir first dance that were like so good that like just, they just happened to catch.
And I was like, you don’t. Yeah.
Lisa P: Um, we had a great video. We had a videographer, which I think was like pretty new when we got married. We got married in 2013, so like, okay. It was a while ago. Um, so we had a videographer and we had a photographer and I wanted a lot of those candid, so we did get a good amount of those, which I’m so thankful for because I think those are so fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I ended up liking ’cause Yeah, we did the same, we had two photographers and a videographer and I loved the candid photos like so much more than the stage ones. Like the stage ones. I was like, oh no.
Lisa P: That was one of the things I had to fight my family on ’cause I wanted like a very. I guess now you would call it like editorial style.
Mm-hmm. Photography. Um, ’cause I just thought it was so romantic and pretty and like again, this was right like in the middle of Pinterest wedding, so I was like, let me do something a little different. Um, and they were like, no, you have to have the like portraits. We have to do every family member in every iteration stand there, smile, portrait.
And I was like, okay. That one. I was fine.
Christa Innis: You’re like, all right, that’s your thing. Okay. Yeah, I know
Lisa P: I have those though now, but
Mood Boards, Dress Codes & Wedding Boundaries
Christa Innis: I, yeah, it’s like I feel like they’re the ones that like look nice, but like I felt like when I was looking through them, I was like, that just doesn’t look like me. But yeah, you gotta have those, but sometimes you gotta do the old school thing for sure.
Yeah, it’s good. It’s a balance. Um, all. Is it setting boundaries or just controlling to ban certain songs, colors, or styles from your wedding? Because I’ve been hearing this more and more about people like setting a certain, like, no,
Lisa P: actually, I think that’s setting boundaries. In fact, I don’t think it’s controlling.
I think it is like, I think it’s curating. Mm,
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Lisa P: You’re curating your event. And I’m a girl who loves a theme. Okay. So like, if someone gave me a color palette and a vibe, I would be fucking psyched. Um, because I’d be like, what we’re doing glam Met Gala, black Tie. Got it. Like, I feel like. I think that is curating not just like the after products, like the photos and stuff, but you’re curating the whole experience.
Mm-hmm. Which makes it a more immersive experience in general, and that kind of elevates everyone’s exper experience.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just talking to someone about it and people get so offended by. Being told there’s a theme or like certain things to follow, but as like a planner as like, I don’t know, type A in, in some aspects, I love being told it too.
Like if they’re like, wear a shade of pink. I’m like, let me find my best pink. Um, let me look for it. Yeah,
Lisa P: no, I know at least that, you know, the expectation I, my biggest pet peeve is where it’s like so randomly vague that you’re like, what does this mean? Yeah, like barn cocktail, I’m like. Our boots too much, right?
Like where are we at? Like which level? Give me, give me more references. Gimme a Pinterest board. That would be great. Gimme a reference. Yeah. I have a friend of mine who does this constantly and she’s a, like a photo stylist and like it’s very on brand for her. This is what she does, like her living. But whenever she has an event, she will send out a mood board.
Oh my gosh, I love that. Or like outfits. So she had, um, her, God, was it her 40th? I think it, no, it couldn’t have been her 40th. Anyway, she had a big birthday that just happened and she had it at a magic show and she sent out a mood board and everybody showed up and showed out. And like we were the only group that was dressed up.
Okay. Like circus for performers. But we were all doing it together. Okay. Yeah. And it had colors, it had mood and vibe, and she was like, this is the vibe. And everyone was like. Bet and like someone came as like the rabbit coming out of the hat. It was wild, but it was so much fun. Oh gosh. If you’re not to that, I can understand why that would be intimidating, but you could still just pick colors.
Yes. You know, you could, you could still adhere to it.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s nice because when there’s those times, certain events, not necessarily a wedding, but we’re like. It looks like everyone’s attending a different event. Like someone’s in a formal dress, someone’s in like leggings and a t-shirt, and it’s like, we’re like, what’s the, I always, I feel like I always try to dress a little nicer than I think ’cause I’m like, I don’t ever look under.
Take it from me. Yes. That was like, I feel like someone told me that years ago and I was like, yeah, I always wanna be a little, little over, because you never really know what to, what
Lisa P: to expect. Yeah. Well, listen, if someone’s gonna talk about you, you would rather them talk about like, wow, she was really overdressed, but that was a great outfit.
Yes. Than like, oh, yikes. You know what I mean? Like you’d always rather be like shining. Yes. Yeah. Like let’s not wear like jeans to a wedding. But I also feel like the dress code thing has gotten very convoluted in between like our parents’ generation and our generation and now like the younger generation getting married.
I feel like people really don’t understand, and I see this on TikTok all the time, and I feel like since you’re in the wedding sphere, you probably see it a lot, but like people don’t understand the difference between cocktail and black tie or black tie and white tie and these sort of like. I feel like giving the vibe and the color and like a theme is like the new way of doing that.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. Because I’ve definitely have spent time like googling, like, okay, it says cocktail formal. And I’m like, what does that mean? Is that like a step up from cocktail? And I’m like, what does that mean? Um, so yeah, I, I agree. I feel like that’s their way of like helping them out. Like some people take it as like.
Oh, it’s so, um, you know, Bri the Bridezilla term so entitled, so it’s bridezilla to do this, but I’m like, I feel like from a bride’s perspective, they’re like, no, I’m, I’m trying to help. Like, I’m just like giving you some guidelines so you like, it’s easier. You’re like,
Lisa P: yeah, it’s a formal event, but it’s also like in a meadow with like grass and flowers and like, yeah, you might not wanna come in like a sequined ball gown.
Like, it’s just not gonna fit the vibe. So like, yeah, here’s the thing.
Christa Innis: Yes. We want you to feel comfortable and at home here. That’s why I always think about it. Um, awesome. What was the last one? Should a maid of honor or best man ever bring someone the bride or groom used to date? Oh, I’m gonna say no.
Lisa P: No, that’s not even like a hot take.
That’s like a obvious one. Yeah,
Christa Innis: I would, I would hope not. I’ve been seeing these like crazy stories lately. Um, someone commented on a video saying that. She was at a wedding where the maid of honor gave a speech for her sister. He was her twin sister. Turns out she had dated the groom before and in her speech talked about how she was a better sister and that he should have picked her.
I was like, how is this real? Like I, I don’t
Lisa P: you marry your sister’s ex-boyfriend. That’s what my thought. Like that. Wait, yeah. Like five steps back.
Christa Innis: How? How? Yeah. I was like, ’cause she’s like, he, when he met the twin, he’d left the other one. So I’m like, how intense was like, were they like teenagers and dated or were they like living together?
Yeah. Was
Lisa P: this like 10 years apart? You know what I mean? Like dated the sister in middle school. Right. Maybe if that’s the situation where it was like a, you know, you were eight years old in third grade handing notes back together and you were like, this is my boyfriend. And then like. If your sister started doing him in college, then I could get it.
That’s like the only scenario I could see that being Right. That’s like just really tricky waters. Like I just like not for me, not for me. It’s not for me. Absolutely not. I have two sisters and never has there been a stream crossed ever in any way, nor would there ever. That is just, Nope.
Christa Innis: No thank you. No, I’m the same with friends too.
Like I know people that I’m like, oh, I dated my friend’s ex, whatever. I’m just like, once a friend is like with that person, I’m like, no, I’m good. Thank you.
Lisa P: Agree. The closest I ever did was I dated for like a long time. A guy that my friend had like a hookup once with, and there was a conversation ahead of time.
Like, there’s gotta be a cur, like a courtesy call, right? Being like, Hey, is this weird for you? Is this okay? Are we okay? Yes. Yeah. ’cause that’s just, that’s real code. I mean, you’ve gotta, oh, sure. You, you can’t date someone’s like. No, that’s no. Yeah, don’t
Christa Innis: bring ’em to a wedding. Please. Definitely. Also don’t
Lisa P: bring them to the wedding.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no surprises. Especially. Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. So these are a bunch of submissions that are sent to me. I don’t read them ahead of time, and we’ll just react in real time. So feel free to stop me or I’ll pause and here we go. Let’s brace ourselves. Okay. This wedding was just one crazy thing after another.
We all flew across the country from Oregon to Georgia. So, um, though some of us flew into Nashville and drove to save some money so the bride could get married at her parents’ house. The thing is they lived in a pretty normal subdivision and Georgia that they had moved to after she went off to college.
So she had no emotional attachment to it, and very few attendees lived nearby. She had been there for a month preparing for the wedding, but when we arrived the week before, she hadn’t done anything with the fake flowers to make them into bouquets. Hadn’t picked a single song for the dj, not even first dance, so we jumped in to help.
While I was helping her compose the song list, her dad yelled at me for being on his computer, even though his daughter was sitting right there with me. The morning of the wedding, the bride was on the front yard, in the front yard, setting up chairs for the ceremony and starting to yell, I’m claustrophobic if you’re not helping set up chairs, get out of the yard and none of you are helping.
We tried to help, but she really didn’t know what she needed help with and kept redoing everything herself, like moving chairs half an inch to the right. Yikes. Um. When she was finally getting ready to get dressed, her mom was nowhere to be found. After waiting over an hour, we sent the bride’s brother to check the neighbor’s houses, and they found her mom getting her hair and makeup done there.
When she finally came back to the bridal suite, which was actually just the master bedroom, the bride wanted a picture of her mom helping her into her dress. For some reason, instead of stepping into it, they lifted it up over her head and fell straight onto the mother of brides. Freshly applied bright red lipstick.
Oh my God, that, that’s my nightmare. That’s terrible. She said yes. It stained the dress. Oh no. If she’s already like that panicky, that’s razzled
Lisa P: and pissed off. Oh my God.
Christa Innis: Uh, everyone panicked. I ran to the computer. This was 2009, no smartphones yet, so I googled to how to, how to get lipstick out of the wedding dress.
I don’t even remember what the solution was, but we found the instructions and luckily the stain wasn’t too noticeable in photos, so we moved on with the day. The bride had insisted to get these fancy high heels that matched the floral belt on her dress. Most of the bridesmaids didn’t order them in time, but we all had to have heels and colors that coordinated with the floral belt.
I was her roommate, so I made sure to order them early. They were expensive and uncomfortable. You were talking about like the having everyone look the same. Um, and of course we had to walk through a yard in them since the aisle was in the grass,
Lisa P: so that was something that was not thought through. Like, this is already just like bad planning like this, this can all be attributed to a lot of bad planning.
Christa Innis: Yeah. This is just like not thinking of like the logistics behind everything. It’s like, yeah, you want these great shoes, but we’re gonna be walking in muddy grass or you know, through the grass. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh. I’m already like bat in heels, so walking in grass is terrible. Um, okay. We basically, um, aerated that lawn, our aerated the lawn ourselves.
I nearly lost a shoe and another bridesmaid almost fell. They, they scheduled the ceremony for 5:00 PM in direct sunlight. In the middle of July, the bride was sweating so much. One of her brothers, a groomsman, passed a handkerchief to the best man who passed it to the groom and handed it to the bride so she could wipe her face.
Oh, that’s another thing. Weddings, outdoor in the middle of the summer. Like you, it’s so hard to plan for. Like I’ve been to a wedding in the middle of July and same thing, we were like covered in sweat. The sun was literally like in our eyes. I dunno how the writing room felt. Oh my gosh. Well
Lisa P: then your hair.
Yeah, and like the hair, the makeup, the whole thing. Like it’s just
Christa Innis: all that time and money is just,
Lisa P: yeah, I know. We got married at the end of April and in Charleston it’s like hit or miss. We like, luckily had a good day, but we almost got rained out so could go the other way.
Christa Innis: Right. And I feel like that’s, it’s like so hard.
’cause you never know, every month has their kind of battles. Like, same with us. We got married the end of March. And it could be like rain, almost rainy season. We had every kinda weather that day. It was like snow, sun, rain or like whatever. Bring it our way. It’s fine. I think I would take
Lisa P: most things over.
Sweating though. Yeah. Rain. I feel like you could just be like, oh well, like
Christa Innis: there’s been a lot of pretty weddings I’ve seen online with rain and they like have like their umbrellas and it’s all like decked
Lisa P: out still. Do you know that scene from Pirates of the Caribbean? It’s like the second one where she’s like.
The wedding got interrupt, interrupted, but she’s like being rained on. Yes. And I always thought that was so beautiful that you could do this like white gothic wedding almost. If you had like the right vibe, it could definitely work out.
Christa Innis: Yes, and I, and I always look at those brides too, and I’m like. This is a bride that’s there to get married.
She’s like more of like, yes. Like let’s look, make it look a aesthetic and everything. But like, I love when they just show them like running down the aisle or like at the end, like getting rained on. I’m like, I love, that’s, it’s romantic. Yeah, it really is.
Lisa P: It’s, it’s an underrated. We had a, we went to one where it was pouring rain and luckily it, like, it was pouring rain the whole way up until like the, like the, she had to walk down the aisle.
Like we were sitting there. Everyone had like. So, you know, our programs covering our heads, like it was raining and then it stopped. Oh my god, I’m gonna get chills. Um, and this like wasn’t even my wedding. And she, she walks down the aisle, the sun comes out, and a rainbow, a double rainbow comes out at the end of their ceremony.
And I just remember thinking like. That’s amazing. Like Bravo, like I had the best photos. Yeah, the photos were unreal. Like it was so well done. Well done weather. Like it was well done. I love that,
Christa Innis: that
Lisa P: Yeah, that’s the thing too. It does not always happen that way, but I was very happy for her.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like right after our rain, it’s like everything just looks like a little brighter, like Yeah.
That’s amazing. I love that, but the
Lisa P: sweating like a pig. Not so much.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lisa P: That I, that I’m kind of out on. There’s no aesthetic way to like handle that. There’s no glistening,
Melted Makeup, Broken Microwaves & Bridezilla Chaos
Christa Innis: no, I’m definitely not one to glisten when I’m sweating either. Um, after the ceremony we took a few pictures and they sent us. Up to the reception venue, a community center in their neighborhood, about half a mile away.
The caterers arrived at the same time the bridal party did. It was Mexican food catered by a restaurant, but they microwaved it on site. There weren’t enough outlets in the prep area, so they plugged the microwaves in throughout the room. Naturally, this overwhelmed the circuit. And tripped a breaker. No, someone had to find the breaker box to reset it.
Lisa P: Oh my gosh. This, oh my God. So my background is in catering and the second it was microwaved on scene, I was like, oh, this is gonna be bad. From like a, just from like, it’s gonna be gross kind of way, but also. The breaker box.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Because even that alone, like micro, we microwaving all the food. These like golf, I’m assuming
Lisa P: it’s like a golf club type thing.
Like they have kitchens, commercial kitchens. Usually I’m kind of think or usually skates will come and like see where they’re serving from ahead of time. So like that’s an interesting, or they would bring their own like. Affordable kitchen type deal. So
Christa Innis: yeah, that seems like another interesting thing with like logistics.
Like if you’re gonna get married at a place to not, for them to not tell you, like the people that like own the venue to be like, Hey, so we don’t actually have a kitchen, so you have to do, bring it hot
Lisa P: or I don’t know. Yeah, bring it hot, have some chaing dishes ready to go, like. Do they have like six microwaves, like through the reception area?
That’s what I’m picturing.
Christa Innis: We’re just gonna put on the head table for a minute. We gotta warm up. Yeah, just all of
Lisa P: these microwaves just showing up. I’m just like,
Christa Innis: yeah. Oh, this poor bride. Does it get worse? I know. Um, there’s a few more paragraphs, so I’m gonna get. Um, okay. Even after all the guests had arrived and had been just standing around talking for 30 minutes, there was still no sign of the bride groom or photographer.
There was no music, no announcements, and people were hungry. That’s one of my worst things at a wedding. I feel like food needs to be like on time. Priority. Sure.
Lisa P: Yeah. People are hungry. Can be drunk. So like feed them early. Yeah.
Christa Innis: You need to fill their bellies. Yeah. Like weddings where you’re waiting like an extra long time for food.
Like I feel like that you remember food, you remember things around food. At weddings, I. We, the wedding party and bride’s parents finally decide to let people go through the buffet. No one told us not to. About 70 minutes after we arrived and around 15 minutes after everyone, everyone had eaten the bride and groom finally show up.
So they’re all eating before the bride and groom come. ’cause no one knows where they are.
Lisa P: I get it. Sometimes you do like cocktail hour or you do like, but you gotta feed people or give ’em drinks or something. Long time.
Christa Innis: You have to think about it as like you’re hosting a party and so like your guests need to be taken care of.
Like yeah, you run away sometimes and do photos and stuff, but it sounds, yeah.
Lisa P: Photos after the ceremony are super standard, but like that’s usually when there’s like cocktail hour with some bites and some food.
Christa Innis: It sounds like there was no like wedding planner or coordinator or some, oh, no, there was no plan.
Get this in the. Oh my gosh. So at that point, the DJ announces them. The bride was livid, that people had eaten Without them, not much we could do. At that point, we had gotten them plates and had them sit down so the rest of the schedule could continue. During the cake cu cutting the groom ended up dripping chocolate down the front of the bride’s dress.
This poor, let’s just go to bed at this point. Done? Yep. Oh my God. Why are we having drip dripping chocolate? Like, we gotta think about these
Lisa P: things
Christa Innis: when we pick our desserts.
Lisa P: Dripping chocolate. I’m not sure I understand, unless it’s like a fondue thing, but,
Christa Innis: uh, yeah. Yeah. Maybe it’s like a. Was that chocolate fountain or something?
I don’t know. Oh gosh. The bridesmaids helped her to the bathroom to clean it up, and of course it just smeared. Luckily she was able to laugh this one off. Okay, that’s good. Good. Okay.
Lisa P: That’s
Christa Innis: a win. Yeah. The next day we saw the couple at brunch before they left for their honeymoon. The only thing the bride could say about the wedding was that she still couldn’t believe that we let people eat before they arrived.
She said it on repeat even after we explained the situation and we even had to remind her of the good parts. We actually stayed friends after that until I broke up with a boyfriend who I’m only, who I only dated for about 10 months, and she had only known for about five. He must have said something wild about me because she texted me saying she was worried about me.
I explained why I broke up with him. He was manipulative, verbally, abusive, narcissistic, and basically never heard from her again after that. Whoa. Interesting. Whoa. That’s a
Lisa P: interesting, uh, that was, that was a wild ending to like, this girl stuck it out for this wedding. Like that she was doing her best to make this day happen.
I know. And after all that, to just get a friend broken up with Yeah. What, I mean, the ex-boyfriend must have said something really heinous.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Lisa P: Like, I feel like you should corroborate that.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I would feel like. Like, if any of my friends, if their boyfriend or partner came to me and said something, I’d be like, yeah, I’m gonna trust my friend over you.
Yeah. I’m gonna
Lisa P: double check on that. I’m
Christa Innis: gonna, we’re
Lisa P: gonna have a
Christa Innis: talk. Yeah. Um, so she just ends with, last I saw she and her husband are still married with kids and seem happy, at least from what I can tell on Facebook. So, um,
They Thought They Could Plan a Wedding…
Lisa P: well, thank goodness they, you know, the, I feel like the, the older generation always says the worse the wedding, the better the marriage.
Or at least that’s, I think what they say like. To make people feel better about things like that. Yeah, yeah. Um, that honestly, I dunno if I, like, I feel like these things didn’t happen to this couple. I feel like this couple like thought they could plan a wedding and did and could not, like, could not plan a wedding and realized way too late.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I find because of the weddings I’ve been a part of, I find there’s a lot of times where people just. Nice as nicely as I can put it. They live in fairytale Land, so they like see a movie and they’re like, oh, that looks beautiful. But they don’t realize there’s all these people, people behind the scenes that make it possible.
So they have all these wishes or like desires for things to happen, and they think it’ll just happen on that day. They don’t realize like, okay, well if you want catering, then you need to have. Someone to set it up or you need a kitchen, or if you want your bridesmaids to wear these dresses, you need like an aisle for them to walk down or you need, you know, like they don’t think of all the things it takes.
Pay attention to detail, which
Lisa P: is why there are wedding planners.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Lisa P: Sometimes people can’t do that and you need someone to help you. And again, like we only had a day of wedding planners, so I did a lot of the planning myself, but I feel like I had. I had a lot of like friend vendors, so like that helped out.
But also just like, I don’t know, have you never thrown a party? Like there’s certain things, you know, alcohol, food, logistics, schedule like I do that when I throw my kids’ birthday party. You know what I mean? It’s the same skill. Yeah, you still gotta feed people, you’ve gotta make sure people can get there.
Um, probably wanna set up ahead of time. These are like pretty standard. Yeah. For hosting anything, not just a wedding. And a wedding is like 10 times more intense.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah. I know. My husband always laughs at me. ’cause like even for our daughter’s party, like birthday parties, which are like two, three hours max.
I like write out a whole timeline. I’m like, okay, food arrives at this time. People arrive at this time. Like I just, I have to visualize. Oh I’m, it’s funny, I’m like type A when it comes to like planning stuff like that, but like I see type A like mom videos and I’m like, I don’t think I’m a type A mom. I think I’m a type A like planner.
I don’t even know if that makes sense. But
Lisa P: I have some of that too. I feel like when it comes down to making sure things like kind of run smoothly, I can be very hands-on. I don’t make a timeline, so like I feel like that’s, that might be my next step over the top might be my next step. Um. Yeah, like I love hosting, I love cooking and like cooking very much is about timing and execution.
So like that sort of skill, like my biggest pet peeve is when I’m like finished cooking and I’ve timed everything and I’ve told people like when food’s gonna be ready? And then they’re like, absent mindedly, like mingling or something. I’m like, no, no, no. The food is hot and ready. Like right now.
Christa Innis: Yeah. This is the now time.
Right now. This is even time
Lisa P: we must sell now.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, for sure. I feel like those definitely all those things, like I feel like when we said like, have you like hosted or whatever, I think there are a lot of like brides that this is their first time, like really like hosting something. You should not be
Lisa P: doing
Christa Innis: it on your own.
Like Yeah,
Lisa P: if it’s your never hosting anything, you’ve never done like a holiday party or you’ve never hosted your friend’s birthday party. Mm-hmm. Don’t try with the wedding, the wedding’s not the time to like take a stab.
Christa Innis: I know, I think that’s when it gets so stressful. I was the same with you where I, as you were, I had, I pretty much planned it, but like our event, our wedding venue had a day of coordinator and people don’t realize how helpful that is because that person’s gonna like do the behind the scenes, running around, making sure things are where they need to be.
And I’ve done that for a few weddings now and that I love doing it because I’m like. You tell me what to do. You tell me what needs to be done, I’ll make sure it’s done. Don’t get dirty. I will do that
Lisa P: if you want to. And like back to what we were saying before with, I wish I had been a guest at my wedding.
If I had also been like running around coordinating the, the staff and the vendors and the, the drop offs and the pickups, you’re not having any fun like that. You’re not having any good of a time at all because you’re so stressed about the comings and goings and there’s so much that goes into. Getting everybody where they need to be at the right time.
Right. Like and getting everything to execute.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lisa P: I am like a huge proponent of, even if you don’t do a planner for like the whole wedding prep. The whole wedding planning, definitely a day of like, yeah. But maybe that you’re like engagement gift right? From your parents or your in-laws or something. A day of coordinator.
Christa Innis: Yeah, just someone to like ease a little bit of the stress because you don’t wanna just like randomly like. Task people with it that day. ’cause they’re not gonna be thinking about it. And it’s just, yeah, there’s random things that just pop up. For sure.
Lisa P: They really are.
Christa Innis: All right, well, that was a crazy story.
All right, I always like to end these. I know we’re running short on time, but I always like to end these with weekly confessions, so people send me confessions kinda related to event or weddings, um, on social media. So let’s see here. This first one says, um. I absolutely hate the girl that my sister-in-law loves.
It makes me hate seeing my sister-in-law, too. Oh,
Lisa P: well hopefully that doesn’t last long.
Christa Innis: I don’t know. Yeah, I That’s, that’s tough. ’cause you can only do something much when it’s, when it’s a, a sister-in-law. I’m guessing it’s like a, your. Partner’s sister? I would guess so. You probably can’t.
Lisa P: That’s what I assumed.
I assumed it was like your partner’s, sister’s girlfriend that we were going with. That’s okay.
Christa Innis: That’s what I would get.
Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. And like you usually button your mouth until you have to not button your mouth on that one.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Wait till they say something to you and they ask for your opinion, or something happens and you can be like, well, here’s what I think.
Until then, you gotta let it work itself out. Otherwise you’ll be the villain. Oh, absolutely. Yep. Um, this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?
Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.
Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.
Christa Innis: That sounds like, and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to like control the wedding because mm-hmm. I, I see the make room like you had to, like who’s, who said
Lisa P: you had to.
Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. Mm. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for in a, a little while.
Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to, we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. Um, okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.
Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, oh, I’ve had a, I had a feeling, um, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.
Lisa P: I had a
Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?
Lisa P: Yes. I knew before they got married that they did like they, that, that, that she did not really want to start all over is like how she kind of put it.
Mm-hmm. Um. I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes
If You Have Doubts, Don’t Walk Down the Aisle
Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite, uh, opposite happened to me. I, and I’ve talked about this before, um, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.
And she, and she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, maybe we like, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.
Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.
If there’s like, if there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. Like you, you getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. Um, no, no. If it’s not right and like, this is why, uh, so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.
Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because you know when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, you know, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s like, God, what a wait.
Not a lot of waste because like a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. But you know, you don’t have to get married like. You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s like, you know, it’s just not something that, if you can, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.
Don’t do it. Right, a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it was like, I totally agree with you what you just said about like, you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.
So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we, like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel like. So many people have this, like their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of like, okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.
I need to have a baby. And you feel like you have to follow this timeline.
Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the, at the moment. Like, and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two kids, um, by 30 and like I did, but. You know, now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. Like you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.
Like
Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember like, I would like if it were just like my hu like then boyfriend, but husband and I, I just like doing our own thing. Like, we’d be like totally fine and then like someone would like bring up like, oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?
And like, it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like. Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that like wrong? And you start getting this like, no, because half
Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so like, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. Mm-hmm. Um, well, and like
Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. Are unhappily married for so long without actually like admitting like, I actually hate this.
Oh, they wrong
Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, so, you know, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? Like, I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.
So. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already like wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And like kind of feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s like.
People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Lisa P: Uh, and they usually choose better.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Like.
Lisa P: They get to choose somebody that they truly just genuinely wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do, who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like, well, it’s been three years since college.
Like, I guess you’re the guy.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. Like, let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, like I feel like it kind of saddles us down. Um, oh yeah. In a.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, that’s definitely another thing with, as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.
My husband and I since like one year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? And, and I like, and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.
Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different like financial point in my life and I just feel like we need to like, and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ’cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.
But I just feel like it’s so important to like listen to your own timeline. ’cause I have friends now that are like,
Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without like the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that, that we were kind of sold.
Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like. The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and she, you know, or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. You know, I try to like show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to kind of open the horizons up a little bit.
Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughter is, I mean, she still like, very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. Like I, you know, some people just like really have that desire. Um, but she still is like, well maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.
And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you do both.
Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that. Yeah. Yes. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was such a good discussion and I feel like it was good to kind of like just kind of talk about like, obviously the pressures on women and Bridezillas and there’s just a lot of cool things we talked about, so thank you for coming.
Yeah, I loved it.
Lisa P: This is such a fun topic. I’m sure you get so entertained hearing all these stories, so that was so fun.
Christa Innis: Yeah, they always, they never cease to, uh, surprise or amaze me. It’s, it’s always something new. I bet. Yeah. Well, for anyone listening, um, where can everyone follow you, find more of your content and anything exciting that you wanna share?
Lisa P: Yeah. Um, you can find me on mostly TikTok and Instagram. My handle is, it’s me, Lisa PI like to say I talk about hard topics in cute outfits. Um, and that covers relationships and marriage and parenting and boundaries and setting boundaries once you have kids, which I feel like once you get past the bride phase, that’s coming next.
Mm-hmm. Um, and you can find me there. Um, and. I would like to say I have something big in the works coming, but I don’t because I homeschool my kids and this is what we’re doing. And that’s big in. That is big in
Christa Innis: in itself like mom and is a full-time job.
Lisa P: Yeah. I wear a lot of hats, that’s for sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much. Thank you
Lisa P: very much. Have a good one.
Follow-up Story: My Future MIL Confronted Me in a Pantry
What happens when your future mother-in-law corners you in the pantry to accuse you of ruining her son’s life? That’s exactly what went down in today’s jaw-dropping episode.
We reconnect with an anonymous guest, who now returns to share how her wedding journey unraveled into a powder keg of emotion, betrayal, and a confrontation she’ll never forget.
If you’ve ever questioned a wedding’s red flags, this story will stay with you. From a fiancé caught in the middle to a mother-in-law determined to divide, this episode is a must-listen.
Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!
Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
03:13 Engagement and Initial Red Flags
03:45 Mother-in-Law’s Demands Begin
04:52 First Major Incident: Venue Address
08:13 Boundary Issues and Kitchen Confrontation
11:56 Fiance’s Call and Silent Treatment
16:55 4th of July Weekend Tensions
20:43 Handling Emotional Conflict
22:11 The Pantry Confrontation
28:19 Post-Confrontation Reflections
31:22 Dress Shopping and Relationship Dynamics
33:25 Premarital Counseling and Lessons Learned
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Pantry Blowup – A quiet moment at the rehearsal dinner turns into a private ambush from the mother-in-law.
- Caught in the Middle – The fiancé’s struggle to balance loyalty between partner and parent creates more chaos.
- Crossing the Line – The mother-in-law’s accusations include controlling her son’s life and “changing him.”
- Silent Treatment Strategy – Post-fight, the MIL goes silent, leaving tension boiling under the surface.
- A New Kind of Wedding Day – Despite everything, the couple finds their own way to move forward—with boundaries.
- Delayed Fallout – A honeymoon doesn’t stop the drama. The emotional scars show up weeks later.
- The Support That Mattered – The groom’s eventual stand for his partner offers a moment of healing.
- Telling the Story – The power of sharing your experience and being heard, even years later.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re scared to speak up at your own wedding, that’s a red flag.” – Christa Innis
- “Respecting boundaries doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you self-aware.” – Christa Innis
- “A wedding should never be the battleground for someone else’s unresolved issues.” – Christa Innis
- “Silence doesn’t mean peace—it just means someone’s swallowing their feelings.” – Christa Innis
- “Just because it’s tradition doesn’t mean it’s healthy.” – Christa Innis
- “I knew the moment she opened that pantry, something was going to explode.” – Anonymous Guest
- “It wasn’t just about the wedding—it was about control.” – Anonymous Guest
- “She made me feel like I was stealing her son, not marrying him.” – Anonymous Guest
- “I kept waiting for someone to stand up for me, but no one did.” – Anonymous Guest
- “You think family drama will die down after the wedding, but it only gets louder.” – Anonymous Guest
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi there. Thanks for joining me. Thanks for having me. I’m so excited. All right, so before we started recording, we said we are gonna keep you anonymous today because we have a kind of crazy story to dive into today. for those of you guys listening, they’re like, what is she talking about?
I think it was episode, I wrote notes down here, episode seven. I had Suzanne Lambert on and we read was one of the craziest stories. I think one of the kind of intense mother-in-law story. It involved, a lot of, anguish, a debate and a pantry on 4th of July and a lot of drama that went up, from there and.
This was such an interesting story to us, and we were like, I think you ended it with part two coming soon because you’re about to do your bridesmaid or no, your wedding dress shopping. So I was like, I have so many questions, let’s reach out to her and see if she wants to come on the podcast. So here you are.
So I appreciate you for being vulnerable and coming on and sharing.
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, no, uh, thanks. I mean. Honestly, like it was such a crazy story and I just think, I was just like, well, someone’s gotta hear this, whether it’s for entertainment purposes or therapeutic for me, I was just like, someone’s gotta hear this, so it’s good.
Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Innis: So if you guys have not listened to the full episode, I would recommend you guys go back to episode seven and give it a listen. but let’s just do some quick bullet points here. We’ll kinda walk through it together. I might also put a little, audio clip from it so you guys can hear some of the crazy moments there.
But starting off, you said, my fiance and I got engaged in April. We were excited to plan our wedding for next September, and his mother has always been supportive, often teasing him about proposing. So when we called to share the news. She barely finished saying congratulations before asking if she could go dress shopping because she only has two sons, so I’m not gonna read the whole thing, obviously.
But then getting into it, the red flags started appearing when you guys all got together. At, I think, was it an engagement party?
Anonymous Guest: It was at our house with Father’s Day weekends. Okay. We were hosting all the men in our lives. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Okay. And so at that point was when she started to demand to know the venue, address.
So tell us what went down here and oh, actually I wanna know first before all of this, did you guys consider her like a good relationship? Like have a good relationship with her?
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, no, we had a great relationship and like it, my fiance’s relationship with his mom was always good.
Ours was good. She was very supportive of us. And I even noted, but his grandma was pa in the process of passing away and on her deathbed was like, you have to marry this girl in two months. And he is like, you’re nuts. And of course we wanted to get engaged, but there was like a lot of family support including his dying grandma, his mother, like all these people.
And so there was never really any signs of any like, anguish as you said, like, or upset feelings. really until. Like the wedding started coming to fruition and that like maybe we were making decisions that were for us and nobody else. So I think that’s kind of maybe where that happened or. Maybe her perception of how that was starting to unfold was different than the reality.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so let’s go to that first moment. Yeah. Where she starts pressuring you to tell the address, even though the month was still like a year out, and you said this is the name of it. We actually haven’t even been there yet. So what happened? What all went down?
The Text Message Debacle
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, it was crazy. It was like, so we were sitting in our living room just having like normal Father’s Day watching golf kind of thing.
And we had told her where we were getting married. we kind of had left out details from the beginning just as we were figuring them out, told her. And then, you know, she was like, can you send me the address? And I was like, well, I already shared it with you. And she’s like, well, I delete my text messages, which is something that I know you guys noted the first time.
Yeah. We were like, what is she saying? They were like, who does this? And I was like, no, she’s just somebody that’s just like, just delete. Them? I don’t know. I don’t know. She actually
Christa Innis: does. She wasn’t just saying
Anonymous Guest: that goes through and she just like deletes all, every thread. It gets deleted like every day kind of thing.
So she doesn’t keep anything. Oh. And she doesn’t have a, you know, she just doesn’t keep anything. So I knew that originally she was asking ’cause like she didn’t have it. but then, you know, as time went on, she started like, and I said, well, why do you need it? I told you we were getting married.
And she’s like, well, because I wanna go and I wanna go see where the hotels are in p. And because it’s not so far from where she lives, all this stuff. And I was just like, oh, no, no, no, no. You know? And I, I was just like, no, that’s like really not necessary. We have it all figured out. It. April and our wedding is the following September.
So we were so far away time I couldn’t even open a room block if I wanted to. And so my fiance and I were just like, what? So, this is kind of happening and this is like starting that conversation again. We’re just very casual and she’s just like, no, like, just send me it. And I was like, well, it seems as though you wanna go there.
And like that’s not, we haven’t even been, and I’m trying to like bridge and bridge and understand and like. Really press this down kind of quickly and as amicably as possible because I’m just, she keeps pressing and then I keep trying to bridge it. and so that was like the first of what I,thought were like three major incidents within this incident of a day was her pestering about the venue.
And it was just so shocking to us. ’cause we were like. why are you pressing on this so hard right now at this time and this day? Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like, where is this all coming from? All of a sudden you have to go see it and it’s like, how can she not see that this is a special moment for you and your fiance at the time of being able to like go to the venue together, see together for the first time before people coming in, in with their opinions.
Anonymous Guest: Yeah. and we, to this day, still have not seen it, which is hilarious because I planned our whole wedding around a venue I’ve literally never seen. but that’s the thing is I was just like, I don’t know when I’m gonna go. I don’t have plans to go. As of right now, it’s four hours away from where we live.
Like this is just the reality of it. And just because you were closer, let’s not like prioritize You’re needing this to go. Also, I was expressing it to private property. Like it’s not like you can just show up like a ballroom or a hotel. You can’t just show up. And then, my fear was that like, as she was pressing, I started to realize, well maybe she would go and, go to the property and start talking to these people and having conversations that I was not a part of.
And so I kind of started spiraling myself and that’s where I think I started getting more worked up by the thoughts of it. of what could happen. Mm-hmm. And just try, like I said, just trying to shut it down in that moment, really. Yeah. as kindly as possible.
Christa Innis: Yeah. ’cause it’s totally understandable to be like excited be like, if you want me included, I would love to be a part of it, but to then press, especially after you’re like, well, we haven’t even seen it ourselves.
It’s a private property. You can’t just show up. And she’s still pushing for it. So then she corners you. In the kitchen. How does that all happen? And does this kind of fizzle out first and you guys are like, just kinda like moving up past it? like what are other people doing during this time? Like are they looking at this like.
Is this still happening?
“Aren’t You Just So Happy?”
Anonymous Guest: well, we have a kind of open concept floor, so like our kitchen’s connected to our living room and connected, and we were kind of outside, so we had a group outside, like no one was really in the house anymore, and she’d kind of come inside and we were in the kitchen together and everyone else was kind of outside, which is a very similar, like kind of set up as it was when we were in the pantry situation, which don’t get to, but, and she was just, expressing that she was like.
Are you just so happy? I’m gonna be your mother-in-law. And I was just like, in the moment, I was taken aback because I’m like. Why are you asking this? Like, is this something you’re really concerned about? Like, am I so happy? Am I so not? Because I’ve obviously been maybe giving off some energy that, I was not as excited by your excitement to go to the venue and I was kinda shutting that down and then I shut down the conversation with my bachelorette party, and so I’m like, are you kind of getting the vibe that my energy is coming back to you in a different way and now you’re trying to get validation through me by saying, aren’t you just so happy?
I tried to like, address it as head on as possible and just say like, yeah, of course I am, but here’s what’s happening right now, is that like, I feel as though you’re kind of, you’re trying to step on this, what I would call a boundary and saying like, my boundary is that you don’t go to the venue and you don’t, like this is the situation and I would just appreciate that you kind of let us handle it.
And, I didn’t again realize at the time the weight of the words I was saying. Again, I was trying to be as amicable as possible, be very choosy with my words and being kind. And ultimately like I wanted to be kind to her and, just express clearly how I was feeling. And I did not realize the weight of the word boundary.
and how like significant it would play into the rest of.
Christa Innis: She’s held onto that grip on it. They don’t do boundaries in this family. Gorilla
Anonymous Guest: Grip, gorilla Gripp onto it. Yeah, it’s crazy. and I think that like it maybe was the first time being put in a, like to be held back from something or maybe to be really put into that box.
But at the same time, like it’s funny because you guys noted like, where’s your fiance and this whole thing, he is outside having a drink, has no idea. We’re, you know, in the kitchen kind of thing together. And I think in the most of the story, like he and I and, the sentiment really is he was just as stunned as I was through the whole thing and.
I think his reaction in the fight or flight minus fight his is kind of take a step back and process. And so whereas I maybe was more communicative with my feelings and clear up front later in the story, he was much more like nervous and surprised and then had to find a way to then speak and speak up about it, which is after the situation when we were in the kitchen when he ended up calling her, but.
I mean, we were by ourselves in the kitchen. And then as I said, this is my boundary. She, I don’t really remember her exact kind of feelings about it, but we ended up, walking away and having the rest of the day kinda be fine. And we thought the day went kind of weird after that and we were just like, man, that was like such odd energy in front of everyone, not just at least the three of us.
And. That’s when he ended up calling her, which came after that.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. So we have an issue with the word boundaries. I’m glad you said the thing about like you and your fiance. ’cause I think a lot of times, like stories like this are written by the brides and they experience it firsthand because of that kind of like, turmoil, I dunno if that’s even the right word, but it’s like.
The fiance we to remember too, is in a difficult position, right? It’s like, obviously they’re choosing you, but at the same time it’s like, I’ve never seen this side of my mom before. I’m really sorry. But also what’s happening, but also I love you, I promise. they’re like dealing with all these like different so of like emotions and things they’re going through.
so that’s important to say as well. okay, so these red flags are showing, you’re like, okay, we’re gonna move on from this like boundary day. Yeah. then your fiance calls her. Mm-hmm.
Anonymous Guest: yeah. so we decompressed, we talked about the day.
We were like, wow, that was really weird. Never had an interaction like that. just seemed as though like she was really pressing and feeling anxious or worked up about the details. And so we called her and was just like, Hey, like. I kind of told him, I said like, if you feel this way, say it on behalf of you.
Like, I don’t want you to speak on behalf of me. in any way, giving anybody ammunition as to saying, well, she feels this way, she feels that way. I said, just speak on behalf of you and leave it at that. So he said, you know, like, I feel like the other day was weird and the energy was weird, and it essentially like maybe being more.
Clear with how he was feeling. I think it really upset her and she ended up getting so upset with his confrontation of the behavior and just saying like, and I forget along the lines of what he said, but he was just like, talking about this and talking about that. She goes, well, that was a joke.
And like, I can’t, I was just teasing. And he was just like, yeah, it really wasn’t, a joke or whatever. You know, he kind of addressed like things. Clearly and she just had different perception of it. and then I think that being as though he was so clear with her and like how he felt, she felt very attacked by that and very like hurt by that.
And the only way I think that she knew how to process that was to literal hang up on him and not talk to him for three weeks. Yeah. Which was crazy. Do the silent
Christa Innis: treatment. Yeah. I find that so interesting because it’s like, okay, respect your elders, communicate and he did just that. Yeah. He literally called her in an appropriate way, did not out her in front of a bunch of people saying, Hey, you’re being rude.
You know, like literally the most respectful thing. But there’s a certain, I feel like certain people cannot handle being told they did something wrong, or, someone was hurt by the way they acted.
Birthday Silence Treatment
Anonymous Guest: No, that’s exactly, right. and I think again, their relationship was so fine, but why did this instance of confronting behavior, and maybe he never did, and what I’ve come to realize in the last year about him and his relationship growing up and stuff like that, like he is so unbothered by everything.
Like the man could not be bothered by a single thing. And it is what a peaceful life my fiance lives because he just does not get worked up about anything and. It takes so much for him to even feel worked up. And so when coming at situations like this, he can so easily take it in and brush it out and it’s like.
Most people cannot do that or you internalize a little bit. And so I think that in interactions with her previously or growing up, like he certainly has never felt the need to address anything head on and or felt heard enough. But I think when it came down to us discussing how we felt and how I expressed to him how that made me feel, he then felt ownership and saying like, okay, well this is something that obviously we need to talk about and I need to address, but maybe she had never.
Had that be addressed before or been told to your point Like, this was wrong or your behavior upset me in any way. So it definitely stunned her. And you said she hung off the phone and didn’t talk to him for three weeks. didn’t talk to either one of us for three weeks, which was a notable three weeks because his birthday fell during that time.
And, there wasn’t like a. Come back together kind of moment. And it was a little hard. I mean, she expressed after that in the story that that was hard for her. And it’s hard for us, like, to have such a normal, good relationship with somebody and then to know there is tension and to know what is present for that whole time, like.
It was definitely difficult for us too. Mm-hmm. Because like we’re just trying to process how we feel about the situation in general and celebrate our engagement. And then also there’s this like massive tension that’s like building and then kind of being expanded in the family as like more people were obviously present and then seeing what’s happening and hearing what’s happening and it’s kind of expanding it felt like.
So that was, it was hard. Yeah. And then of course it’s birthday, so it felt, it just felt terrible. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I find it all so interesting because it’s like she can. Beret is probably a heavy word, but she can like, call you out in front of everybody, make you feel a certain way, even though you were like constantly putting your boundary down, saying, no, no, no.
She gets contacted in private by herself. Mm-hmm. And that’s disrespectful. It’s not okay. And she goes into silent treatment mode. She goes into like victim mode of like, oh my gosh, you guys are attacking me. And it’s just kind of funny to see like the opposites and from different point of views like, how she can’t even see like past her own like lens.
Anonymous Guest: Yeah. And that’s like a lot of the work that I’ve done in therapy and personal therapy like is just understanding. Yeah, of course. Like you have two sides to every story, but like. The information that we had to your point, was in private, in a calm way and trying to be clear and communicative and it wasn’t receptive.
she wasn’t receptive at all of it. So I think that’s a piece of, I. Getting feedback and then being able to process at the time, at least in the situation, she just did not handle like super well and then ended up, my fiance and then extended party, like ended up suffering in those, three-ish weeks to that before the next, major incident.
So it was crazy. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So let’s get into a Father’s Day weekend. This was the part that 4th of July. This is
Anonymous Guest: 4th of
Christa Innis: July weekend. weeks. Year. Oh, fourth. Oh yeah. Father’s Day weekend was the first dinner. So we’re talking Yeah. 4th of July weekend. This was still over the, not talking to you stage.
Mm-hmm. Completely like blocking you guys out. Yeah. Yeah. So at that point, okay, let’s talk about 4th of July then. So you guys don’t hear from her. You guys have a 4th of July party at this house with a really big pantry. Yes. Yes. This is the part that Suzanne and I were just like, wait, what is happening here?
She’s in the pantry now. This doesn’t make any sense. Yeah. I’m like visualizing this like beautiful, like huge pantry.
Anonymous Guest: It is. Yeah. Um,
Christa Innis: so you guys had like a rented house?
Anonymous Guest: Well, yeah. So without giving too many details my fiance’s family has like a larger, lodge of sorts, very much like the Hallmark esque make big lodges that they spend their Christmases in kind of thing.
They have one in their family. it’s also like a hunting lodge kind of thing. Okay. So just very large. and the kitchen is like an industrial kitchen, so you imagine like the big industrial stoves and stuff like that. And so there’s just this larger like wraparound kind of pantry type of situation that’s adjacent to off of it, but yes.
Where at their family’s house. lodge for, better words, but yeah.
Christa Innis: So it’s his family’s house. Everyone’s there, but his mom just hasn’t shown up yet. She shows up late, right?
The Lodge and the Cold Shoulder
Anonymous Guest: Yeah. So she doesn’t live too far from there. and so my fiance has like, family ownership of the lodge.
So we go up, we bring my family, my parents are there, that we all join the lodge for the weekend. So we’re there for like the long weekend and it’s her family’s place. and his grandpa. Owns it and he’s there and then the aunt is there. So everyone that was at the original incident is also now, coincidentally at 4th of July weekend.
so she had every right to be there and all the plans to be there. But it sounds as though like, obviously we were struggling with communication. We were obviously not talking and then, so it didn’t seem as though she was very excited about the idea of joining us as soon as possible. So we were there for a couple days before she ended up joining.
Yeah.
Christa Innis: Oh, and do you think that was her plan all along? Or do you think she was randomly was like, I’m gonna go and make my entrance, my grand entrance?
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, it’s, well, so there was up being a couple things that happened. So there was like this other party that we were going to within for the July weekend that was at a house very close, and we ended up seeing her there for the first time.
So she was also at this adjacent family party inside of 4th of July weekend. Oh my gosh. To give you the vibe, and that is where we first. saw her face to face since he had not speak to her, like been on the phone and she was very cold. Like, very much did not want anything to do with us. And at the time.
I was, I kind of saw her in the corner and I could see that she was talking to somebody. and I could see she was very heated about what she was talking about, and I could only imagine that, she was kind of recounting what has been going on in her life. and she said a couple things kind of verbatim that she repeated back to me in the pantry.
So I knew that’s ultimately what she was talking about and mm-hmm. So I could tell that, yeah, the vibes were a little intense and so he kind of went up to her and tried to embrace her in some way and she was very much not into it. I tried to do the same thing. She basically didn’t hug me probably the first time ever.
and so it was like a really cold interaction. and then my parents were at the house, you know, down the road kind of thing, and. Her whole point was to come there and to spend time with all of us. And she ended up leaving that house and never visited them. Never even stopped, like just kept going. So the plan was to be there kind of the whole weekend, and she kind of came in, did her thing, and left.
Left for a couple days, and then came back what would be ultimately like a couple days later. So,
Christa Innis: oh my gosh, very much.
Anonymous Guest: Not the plan. Not the plan
Christa Innis: at all. Yeah. Yeah. It’s so crazy. Like looking back, of course, like. I’m just like, she could have avoided all of this by just like responding to her fiance being like, I’m sorry I made her feel that way.
I would love to like, get lunch next week and just like, hear about your wedding plans or, just like, kind of just completely turn it over instead. have like a toddler blocking this out. We’ll have
Anonymous Guest: to, yeah. Yeah. I’ll have to cut this out, but she needs some serious therapy, so I’ll find something else to say.
But I mean, yeah, it definitely like. You could tell she was so upset and she just didn’t know how to process her feelings and or how to navigate the situation in general. And like, I get that. I totally get that. We were all in uncharted territory, so it’s like. We were all processing things and being in this interaction for the very first time.
And so I think it’s important that, we handled it how we felt we could defend and talk about and, be proud of. And, I don’t know if she felt the same way, but it seems as though like she was kind of. Operating on out of fear and like confusion and, we were really trying to make sure that we were clear and concise and kind, you know?
Mm-hmm. Like we didn’t want to create any animosity, but, a lot of it definitely could have been avoided. And especially this whole like buildup to not talking and to not, leaving and not coming and not embracing all this kinda stuff is like, well that’s just hard, you Like none of us really wanted to.
Start back up again after so many weeks kind of thing. But it’s like someone has to do it. That’s why the pantry situation happened was because I was like, we must like do this now. You know? Like it
Christa Innis: get rid of the tension.
Anonymous Guest: Yeah. We have to try. So try.
Christa Innis: Alright, so let’s, let’s talk the pantry moment. So the pantry moment,
Anonymous Guest: this large pantry.
Christa Innis: So. how did that all come about? So eventually she shows up at the house. On a day, like she kind of showed up later to everyone. Like you said, it was kind of weird. She kind of came in and out. Sorry, I’m kind of like looking back at the story. No, ahead. Tell how, tell me how that kind of like all started.
Because I think it started with your, fiance and her talking, right? And then you were kinda like listening in.
The Pantry Confrontation
Anonymous Guest: I was like, we have to address this. And they had finally just exchanged his birthday gifts It was kind of okay, but we had no, that was in front of everybody and so we had had no, like, one-on-one time with her.
and so she kind of went in inside and everybody again was sitting outside. And so I was like, well, we should go, we should gotta, we gotta do it. So I was like, go, I’ll be behind you. and. So again, the beginning of the conversation, she kind of thought she was having it with just him. And that’s why the detail about me coming into the pantry was kind of a note because she didn’t realize I was there because like he’s standing in the doorway, she’s inside the pantry and I’m on the outside behind him.
It’s tall, man. So it’s like, she didn’t know I was there. So he kind of says like, we gotta stop this. Like you gotta stop. And so then she starts explaining like how up upset she is and how this has been so upsetting for her she kind of starts venting a lot of her feelings.
And then the first thing that she kind of said that like threw me was she was like, and she said she would send me the address and like, she didn’t send me shit. And so then I was like, well, it’s my time to enter now. And so I hear my name, I’m being summed. Literally. I was like, well, you brought me into it.
Darn it. I’ll join now. So I kind of came around the corner and I was like, well, and I kind of said exactly that, like. Well, it’s not time to enter out. So, like I come in and I was just like,I didn’t even give any words out really before, she kind of came in and she got very close to me and got very aggressive as far as saying like, how dare you speak to me that way.
You know, how dare you talk about a boundary like that kind of referencing our, father’s Day weekend conversation and just essentially saying that like. She couldn’t imagine, speaking, having somebody speak to her that way. And, what the hell is a boundary kind of thing.
And it, what the hell
Christa Innis: is
Anonymous Guest: a
Christa Innis: boundary?
Anonymous Guest: Oh no. like she knows, but she lists like, what the hell, that has nothing to do with this kind of thing. Like, just not understanding the impact of really what I was saying. And she’s like in, you know, very close to my face and I was just like, are you really, like, is this really what you’re gonna do right now?
And my fiance. The man was stunned. The man’s mouth was probably a gate on the ground like, and he is again, he is definitely not a fighter and he’s not like a flight, but he’s definitely someone who just maybe a little bit freezes, especially in this moment. He’s a very like. Confident person. Like he knows how to handle stress really well.
But I think when it comes down to someone that you really didn’t expect it to be from, he just froze in that moment and he said nothing. and so it was just me, you know, me, Duke’s up, got my hands up, I’m so mentally prepared to handle this conversation. I’ve had so much therapy that I was like, I can do this.
and so I was just like. Are you really gonna, approach a conversation like that right now? Like, I am not being aggressive and I don’t have that tone. Like, I just don’t think that’s productive. And, her responses were very aggressive and trying to get her feelings across in a very, like, loud, big way.
and then I. Lost every, all of my therapy in me and I started rising as well. Hard get to, to a point where you’re just like, whatever. My ears are bright red. I am just like my heart is beating outta my chest because I’m just, I’m trying so hard to contain my thoughts and be clear, but then I’m also being attacked when I’m trying to process that.
my fiance is obviously standing there. I know this is hurting him in some capacity, so it’s like a, culmination of quite a few things that I felt like were like, leaning on my shoulders and I just started apologizing and and I truly felt apologetic like I did, that my intentions maybe were not the result of like what I said or how she felt, and.
those were just not received well at all either. So all I can do is apologize. All I can do is take ownership of what may have been unintended consequences and like it wasn’t being accepted. So at that point, like, what are we to do? we are not getting anywhere. and we went but I can go in circles for a while and we did.
So we went in circles for a while and then mm-hmm. Ultimately, it ended up kind of coming to a close in that moment, but, not without going on for quite a while before that point, and mind you we’re in a pantry that is extension of a kitchen, extension of a dining room that has got windows that are open to the outside.
So many people, I think, no real confirmation, this pantry has windows. So the pantry door was open. We were standing in the, literally, oh, we were standing in the door and then the kitchen’s open, and then there’s a doorway, and then the doorway goes straight outside. Stop. So did you see
Christa Innis: people walking by and like no one
Anonymous Guest: was in the house.
They knew what was going on, so they were like avoiding it, you know? Yeah, they, did your parents
Christa Innis: know what was going on? Like were they
Anonymous Guest: like everyone did? Yeah. It was sad. My mom actually ended up getting. Really drunk. She’s like so worked up. She was just drinking so much wine. She goes, I got so drunk. And I was just like, you’re crazy.
Like, because she was so worked up because she knows like, I certainly don’t need anybody to step in on my behalf. So she was like not worried about having to do that or. Isn’t really that personality type anyway. But she was just so stressed out by the confrontation and the attention that she like got accidentally drunk.
But I think that they could hear, so, what I know to be true is they could hear parts of it. So I think at that point, we ended up coming to kind of a, close and it didn’t really feel resolved though, at all. and it was just difficult to be like, well, this didn’t really do what we wanted, kind of thing.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay, so then the next morning she comes back to the cabin and that’s when you guys talked to her and everything like Yeah. Said that she felt disrespected. mm-hmm. And basically she just kinda leaves saying, I’m happy we talked.
Anonymous Guest: it was hard because. We’d gone kinda the whole day spending the day on the water and before this conversation even happened, and I felt so unresolved.
It seems as though she kind of came into the day with a cleanish slate and was really trying to put everything behind, but not really, addressing it necessarily enough to put it behind. Mm-hmm. She kind of just said, well, that happened and now it’s over. and so as the day went on, I just kept.
Feeling so much more tension building up, because I was like, how are you going on? As if like, this did not happen yesterday and we had, this is not really resolved. and so I was like, I’m gonna say something. And I was like, I wanna say something. And I was like, I need to right here.
So we kind of, you know, approached it and I just said like, I felt very disrespected by the comments that were made and the way that you spoke to me and the tone that you spoke to me. And I said, essentially I felt like she was. Damaging the relationship that we did have and like to me as a person, like I felt like a wounded bird and somebody’s just like punching it, I just felt as though like I was already down and it just felt like I was getting punched. And so I tried to communicate that I didn’t really feel a lot of, again, apologetic energy from her. it was more so just like trying to find a means to an end or trying to get to the end. Mm-hmm.
Resolution—or Something Like It
And, it was hard. And then as I’m saying things, I’m more verbal processor, but as I’m saying things, I’m trying so hard to get off my chest to say it and to, feel it and to communicate it. And I just kept feeling like my blood pressure rising, like everything was just getting more. And she goes in for a hug and she’s like, I’m so happy.
We talked and I was just like. shaking. Mm-hmm. And like, I was just like, oh my God, I’m gonna die. So it was really hard because I felt like I was trying so hard to do everything the right way. And then finally I get it all out and I feel, no bit better. Like not even a single percent better.
but we were having tension in the conversation. And then my fiance kind of stepped in and. be more clear and communicate from his perspective. Maybe someone she was more open to listening to. and, you know, he was just kind of shutting down some of the other things that she was saying.
And she, again, more, a little bit more receptive maybe to him. But, the problem definitely was coming from me and maybe my more outspokenness. in general about the situation. So it was, really hard and I was like, well, we, I wasn’t really happy. We talked, I’m happy I said what I said.
But yeah. You know, I don’t feel like immensely better because of it at all. Yeah. So,
Christa Innis: that’s how I, kind of understood it while I was reading it. Yeah, because it seemed very, like you were very open with her, you were very forward with how you felt, and then she was kind of just like.
Okay, happy we talked. Bye now. And I just picture that being like, oh, she’s trying to just brush it, put it under the rug, which I get to a certain extent. Yeah. Like let’s move on. But also like you did a lot, of hurt. You caused a lot of issues. Yeah. The way you acted is gonna create this little barrier now between.
Your son and his future wife. okay, so now let’s get to the new stuff for two part two. Yeah. Yeah. It’s been almost two months. You said since the incident, and you made an appointment to address shopping with your mom, your fiance’s aunt and his mom. When I read that, I was like, whoa. Okay. So she’s still invited, she’s still coming along.
Yeah. How did that go? what’s been going on since?
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, so. I felt as though it was still my responsibility to extend an olive branch or regardless of kind of where our relationship was, that that was something that I had to do, and ultimately it would’ve certainly caused more damage if I didn’t invite her, if she wasn’t a part of it.
and then giving her the opportunity to maybe make some adjustments as to how we’re handling, like wedding stuff. Like if she felt as though something really was wrong in the way she handled, like the venue conversation, stuff like that. Here’s your opportunity to handle it differently. so we did go dress shopping.
the aunt, the mom, my friend, you guys obviously mentioned the first part like bringing, like a mean friend. I did have a friend there that was like. Prepared to potentially like, fend off any comments or any mm-hmm. attitude from really anybody, ultimately wasn’t needed.
The dress shopping actually went really, really well. She right, I think she just had, had a lot of, big feelings at the time and they’d kind of settled at that point up until then. and that was, you know, like in September. So that was like quite a few months ago now. But, we checked that box, like we did that, and then I continued to dress shop with who I, not who I wanted necessarily, but just like who other groups of people I wanted to go with.
So she kind of went the first time and then proceeded to them, check in and understand like how the process was going for me. ’cause I didn’t buy anything that day as I continued to shop. and that kind of went from there. since then I would say it’s been better. It’s definitely been hard because
it’s not the same as it was. And there’s pieces of me that just feels sad about that and like wondering, like, is it gonna be like this forever or is other situations gonna bring up more explosive feelings? Like, could this happen again essentially? Mm-hmm. and so.
My fiance and I started premarital counseling last end of last year, kind of as this was settling down much after the dress shopping. And we have learned a lot in there together about like this relationship, with us of course, but then with her and our families together and stuff. And so that’s provided us with a lot of like learnings.
And something I’d recommend to literally everyone, doing premarital counseling and then. Talking about like common issues that you guys face together, which this was one that we were facing kind of together. Mm-hmm. And it gave us a lot of clarity. It gave me a lot of clarity as to how like, you know, she was feeling and she was kinda operating out of a state of fear and maybe feeling as so like her son’s finally getting married, kind of feeling.
And so I was like, better. Understood. I think her perspective, and we never really had like a long conversation about like, let’s look back on this kind of thing and I don’t think we ever will. but I’m trying to, understand like what I learned from the situation and how I could take it forward into the future.
And I. If something else happens again with her or any one of our family members, like how, essentially I have the tools and that we have the tools to like get through something like that based on what we’ve learned. So we’re on improving that relationship, with her and, we have, gone up to their house and stayed with them and, spent time with them outside of that.
And it’s, Definitely like more positive than it was. I wouldn’t say it’s just the same as it was before, so. Mm-hmm. But at the same time, like maybe it’s a lesson learned that the, distance and like the separation of. Maybe we don’t need to talk every day, or maybe we don’t need to be involved in every decision was like a huge lesson learned for maybe her or on both sides of just like what this dynamic is now that, he does have a fiance and someone that he’s building a life with and to talk to every day.
And so maybe if you guys aren’t talking as much, it’s because we’re talking a little bit or whatever that looks like. it’s a lot of change, so I totally understand that. But. It’s definitely been more positive than it was then. Like we’re on a small, incline, kind of, like getting
Christa Innis: better, getting back to like how things were.
No, that’s good. And I think that will give a lot of people hope too through like communication and you make a good point too, about. It might never be back to how it was because sometimes when you see a certain side of people or you see how they treat you in a certain way, you’re like, okay, I have to tread these waters lightly because you’re afraid of like, okay, am I going to say the wrong thing or is my boundary going to offend them again?
And so I think it’s smart to like in those moments be like, okay, I am gonna like. Just tread lightly. Keep my distance a little bit. we’re gonna be respectful of each other. so I think your story can help people see that like communication can go far and you can only do so much. Like when someone’s being like, difficult like that.
And just like giving the silent treatment, that was probably her. Working through everything, like what’s happening here. I’ve never been told no like that before or I’ve never had a boundary set against me. Or they think like, oh, a boundary means I’m a terrible person. I’m not a terrible person. Yeah. And so they immediately get like defensive.
So I feel like you are so like gracious with her, like giving them like time and like space to like, I mean, not necessarily like you asked for time and space, but she just No.
Anonymous Guest: Yeah.
Christa Innis: But yeah, I think sharing these stories are good. Like we were kind of talking about before recording, it’s like sharing these stories are good because.
Anonymous Guest: People that are going through something similar can be like, oh, okay, I’m not crazy. I went through something like this. Or I am a mom and I was crossing the boundary for my son-in-law, or my daughter-in-law. yeah, I feel we learned a lot on how to tackle maybe quote unquote problems as a couple.
’cause I feel like most often people either. seek help in the relationship. ’cause they’re obviously fighting with each other. but this was kind of a common thing that we were going through together. And so it was something that was very difficult in terms of balancing, well, this is his mom and his relationship.
So a lot of what we’ve learned, I think, kind of moving forward is that like we each deal with our own families. and mine’s not, absolved to the drama. Like there’s stuff there too. And, I think that. I deal with that and he deals with his, and it’s not so much that we are individuals dealing with our, it’s just because what we’ve found or what I found is that like families can probably be more receptive coming from their own family members.
So, kind of crossing that communication, like me talking directly to her is not a problem, but could probably be, be better received. Potentially became from him. Mm-hmm. So we started kind of saying, well if as long as you feel the same way, if we feel the same way, and this is a situation that happened with both of us, like you can handle it.
or you can address it or what that looks like. it changes every situation. But that was a big lesson learned. And then. I’ve done a lot of like work and under justand understanding relationships, and there’s just like a path to expressing yourself and then letting it go that you kind of have to follow when you cannot change what people think.
You cannot change how people react. And so the best thing you can do is, be clear and say how you feel, focus on the outcome that you want to get out of it, but. If you want to change people’s emotions in a situation, like you have to stop That’s not something that you can change.
you can only focus on, if you want an apology or do you want to be listened to, but like, you cannot change, you cannot ask for empathy. You cannot ask for understanding. Like those things are not something that you can ask for. Mm-hmm. And then if, like those things are happening and the situation becomes reactive, you kind of have to walk away.
So again, learned a lot from the situation that in general I think it’s just good life advice and relationship advice. But I think there is hope, for other people dealing with this situation and or even dealing with conflict like this in general, it. I think it’s just all about like using those emotional intelligence tools in order to have, productive conversations on difficult topics and
Christa Innis: mm-hmm.
Strengthen
Anonymous Guest: your relationship from within. So when you deal with stuff like this, it’s not me versus you, or it’s not us versus anybody, it’s just, Kind of just more communication than this tension and this big, outburst or this big long situation.
Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like those were such great like parting words that people can hold onto that advice.
’cause like we all could use a little therapy and I feel like that was like very helpful, like to just take to our own relationships. ’cause especially a lot of people that listen. Have either dealt with this kind of situation or similar situations, or they might in the future. so I think it’s helpful to know, you know, we can’t control other people’s emotions.
All we can do is control ourselves and how we can communicate essentially. So,
Anonymous Guest: Yeah, there’s hope. There’s hope. I mean, it’s gotten better and I assume it’s going to continue getting better. but I think at the end of the day, like this situation happens because somebody cares. So deeply and in some capacity it comes from a very good place.
So it’s difficult as it presents itself, either out of fear or anxiety or sadness, but ultimately like the core emotion is different, or just there’s a lot of change going on, stuff like that. So I feel as though like the intention is always. Mostly always good. and you kind of have to sink back into that and say, well, what can I do to best understand this person?
Knowing that they’re coming from a good place? And if you know they’re not coming from a good place, just don’t interact. Mm-hmm. Just take a step back, stay as far away as possible and until you feel as though that’s the situation, because it’s just probably won’t go anywhere. But yeah.
Christa Innis: Don’t waste your energy on people like that, that are just trying to make you feel bad.
Yeah, exactly. Awesome. Well thank you so much for coming on and being vulnerable and sharing. I really appreciate it and you speak so well and I feel like, we talked about, like there’s so much to learn from this situation, but I feel like you came out of it like stronger, you learned a lot and I feel like it’s great just seeing that you’re applying it now to like future things.
so I really appreciate you coming on and sharing.
Anonymous Guest: No, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And honestly, like I just hope. This helps anyone, so just happy to be here.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
