bridesmaid conflict

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If the universe sends you red flags before the wedding… should you walk away?

This week’s episode is pure chaos, the kind that keeps escalating until you’re just saying “No way.” A custom engagement ring copycat, a mom who tried to wear white, a drunken brother peeing in venue plants who ended up in jail, and a groom who never stopped cheating. What started as young love quickly spiraled into generational patterns, manipulation, and betrayal.

Then, Christa sits down with certified life coach and tarot reader Beth Hoffberg to unpack intuition, soulmates, generational patterns, and the uncomfortable truth about obstacles before marriage. When is it just wedding stress… and when is it the universe trying to tell you something? If you’ve ever ignored your gut, this one’s for you.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• Copycat Ring & White Dress Drama – A mother buys the exact same custom engagement ring and later tries to wear white to the wedding.
• Reception Meltdown & Jail Time – A drunken brother spirals into plant-peeing chaos, fistfights, and a three-day jail stay, turning the reception into full-blown disaster.
• Cheating Since Day One – From early infidelity to post-wedding betrayal, the groom’s behavior proves that ignored red flags don’t disappear after “I do.”
• Soulmates vs. Toxic Patterns – Beth breaks down the myth of “the one,” the danger of spiritual bypassing, and why healthy relationships still require work.
• Maid of Honor Demotion – A candid conversation about reciprocity in friendships and why it’s okay to step back when someone isn’t showing up for you.
• Wedding Red Flags as Marriage Clues – Christa and Beth discuss when wedding chaos is normal… and when it’s a preview of deeper issues to come.
• Breaking Generational Cycles – The bride ultimately chooses a different path than her mother’s toxic relationship history, proving you don’t have to repeat the past.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Christa Innis
• “The wedding is the precursor to the marriage. If there’s chaos now, pay attention.” – Christa Innis
• “If your gut says something’s off, it usually is.” – Christa Innis
• “You can’t build a peaceful marriage on ignored red flags.” -Christa Innis
• “Keeping the peace doesn’t mean hurting yourself, it means not pouring gasoline on someone else’s fire.” – Christa Innis
• “Not every bad wedding is a sign, but when it’s one thing after another after another? That’s a pattern.” – Christa Innis
• “Ending a relationship doesn’t always mean it was a failure.” – Beth Hoffberg
• “I don’t believe in ‘the one.’ I believe in many ones.” – Beth Hoffberg
• “If you have to force someone to marry you, it’s already over.” -Beth Hoffberg
• “Your mud has purpose.” – Beth Hoffberg
• “She’s not her mom. She is her own person and she doesn’t have to repeat that pattern.” – Beth Hoffberg
• “Every wedding is going to have some things go wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re not supposed to get married. But when it’s every single area that’s drama, obstacles like that are sometimes there for a reason.” -Beth Hoffberg

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Beth

Beth Hoffberg, known on TikTok as @intuitivelybeth, is a trauma-educated astrologer, intuitive tarot reader, and certified life coach with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. With over a decade of experience, she blends psychology, spirituality, and real-life experience to help people heal from toxic relationships, trust their intuition, and build healthier partnerships.

Beth shares relationship insights, tarot readings, and astrology guidance on Tiktok (and her astrology account @astrologybeth), plus offers personal readings and coaching through her website.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis. Before we get into today’s episode, I wanna remind you to join our one year anniversary giveaway. In order to enter, just make sure you subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and then comment on our anniversary episode.

You’ll see. Linked on the top of our YouTube channel. Um, that’s where we post all of our full, full videos of the podcast. Um, and we all share it there. It’s just a way to give back to you guys. We we’re gonna have three winners. A one $150 Amazon, nope, sorry. We’re gonna have three winners, a $150 Visa gift card, and two winners of a $25 Amazon gift card.

So make sure you enter. The winner will be announced March 12th. So you still have. Uh, one week to enter.

Okay, so this is your, so this is your last week to enter for that giveaway. All right. On today’s episode, I am joined by Beth Hoffberg, and you know when you meet someone and you just get that instant connection where you feel like you could talk to them for hours. That was Beth for me. All of a sudden I looked at the time and I was.

Oh my gosh. I just realized we’ve been talking for like almost two hours. Um, she is just so, like, she’s such a light, but she’s so smart. She’s so, um. Kind and I dunno, I just really enjoyed talking with her. She had so much to say. We had so much to just talk on. Um, so a little bit more about Beth. She is a trauma educated, certified life coach, intuitive tarot reader, professional astrologer.

And someone with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, who helps people heal from past experiences and build healthier romantic relationships. But she doesn’t just bring insight. She’s lived through wedding drama too. So of course she shares some of the experiences that she has from her, um, wedding.

Including demoting, her maid of honor. So that was a real story that she had to share with us. Um, that was handled in a very mature way. Um, you might know her as intuitivelybeth on TikTok or she, how people figure out if their love connection is truly aligned and she just. So many other readings there as well.

We also dive into soulmates healing, relationship, red flags, and what actually makes a partnership last beyond the wedding day. Plus. At the end of the episode, Beth does a fun little intuitive reading for the audience that you won’t wanna miss. So without further ado, here’s my episode with Beth. Enjoy.

Christa Innis: Hi Beth. Thank you for being here.

Beth Hoffberg: here Hi Christa. Thanks for having me.

Christa Innis: I’m so excited to talk to you because I feel like there’s so many different, like areas we can go with, but like starting off, I always see your tarot videos and I find they’re so interesting. I didn’t really know much about tarot growing up.

And then like I’d more and more friends kind of tell me about it and I just think it’s so interesting. so first, before I like jump the gun, can you just say a little bit about yourself, like who you are, what you do, and your background.

Beyond Your Sun Sign: Astrology, Depth, and Self-Discovery

Beth Hoffberg: Yes. So my name is Beth Hoffberg, but on TikTok, I’m intuitivelybeth and I have been a certified life coach for over 10 years.

My background actually is in psychology. I have my bachelor’s in psych and my master’s in Marriage and family therapy. And I worked like corporate jobs for a long time, but even as I’ve been getting like more and more into astrology, I’m like, oh my gosh, my chart is made to be an entrepreneur. Wow. And so I started my own businesses in, the first one that I started was in 2016.

and I’ve been doing various things since then, but I started practicing tarot, and eight years ago now. And then really just for myself. and then as the time has gone on and I’ve just like felt called in different directions and gone through my own healing process and things like that, I’ve really been focusing on it more.

I love helping people who have. Gone through trauma, get more in touch with their intuition. It’s so hard after you’ve experienced trauma to like trust yourself again. think a lot of times people are like, how will I ever trust somebody else? But really it’s so much about how do you trust you and getting in touch with like your spirit team or whatever source you wanna talk about it as.

That’s something I really like helping people with and that’s something I really had to work through after going through my own traumatic experiences.

about two years ago, I’m coming up on my two year TikTok anniversary is when I started on TikTok and I just started with tarot ’cause that seemed like that was the place I really wanted to focus.

But, lately I’ve been doing more and more astrology, like mixed with tarot for my clients and that’s like my favorite thing to do is astrology and tarot combined. ’cause I think that there’s so many powerful messages from both.

Christa Innis: I find it so interesting. Like, I was kind of saying I feel like growing up everyone knows like their sun sign.

And for anyone that’s like listening, you know, that’s like your birthdate, right? That’s like, so I’m a Virgo because I’m August. And so I remember always hearing like, oh, other people were Virgo too. And I was like, I’d be like, well, I don’t really know if I believe in astro astrology. ’cause I know they’re Virgos and words so different.

Mm-hmm. Then I started learning about like your, um, was it your moon? Your rising sign Your moon? Yep. And I’m like, and I would read about that and I was like, wait, it, it’s kind of clicking now. So interesting.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes. Do you know what your moon and rising are?

Christa Innis: Yes, I am a Sagittarius moon. Okay. And I’m a Libra rising.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay.

Christa Innis: It’s funny because at one of my corporate jobs, like we’re talking three, four years ago now, my assistant who also her name is, was Christa is, well, is still, she’s still here. Christa still her name. Yeah, she still here. Um, she was actually on the podcast a while back, but

Beth Hoffberg: she, I remember

Christa Innis: like started like sharing like different like astrology things with me and that’s when I kinda learned more about like Rising sign and she’s like, yeah, we’re both rising Libras.

And that’s why I think like, we like kind of vibe ’cause we’re like very forward facing, like friendly. And I was like, wait, what does this mean? So I find that so interesting and I think when people learn more about it, it’s, it’s really just like learning more about yourself in a way. Right.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes. Oh, it’s so funny ’cause now that like, I remember that episode because I have listened to every single podcast.

Yay. I love it. It’s one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Um, but was, once you said labor rising, I was like, oh, yes, I remember this. Because I have found that a lot of times women that I find very interesting or that I feel like I would be like interested in talking to our Libra Risings. And in my birth chart, Libra is in my 11th house, which is the House of Friendships and Networks.

And so I just feel like that’s a lot of times like, you know, where that resonates in, in my chart, that like kind of friend compatibility or like, um, networking compatibility. But yeah, my um, sun sign is Aquarius. My moon is Leo. And my rising sign is Sagittarius. And then you can go deeper and deeper, right?

Like your Mercury sign, your Venus sign, your Jupiter, who’s your chart ruler? What aspects do you have? There’s so much more to it. And the more that you dive in, the more you can see how it’s so nuanced. And I, I agree. If you just look at just your sun signs, I think it is basically meaningless,

Christa Innis: right? So, because it can, it could tie into like anyone or anything really, but yeah, when you kind of start peeling those layer or peeling those layers, you can kind of learn a bit a little bit more.

And I feel like a lot of times it’s like it’s, I dunno if taboo’s the right word, but growing up it was like, oh, what’s, you know, like, it’s kinda like this like weird thing, right? Mm-hmm. But I feel like more and more people are realizing it’s like it’s healthy and it’s good to learn about yourself in these different layers.

Mm-hmm. Um, and it’s kind of just. How the universe works. I feel like, you know, um, I dunno if that really makes sense, but I love that you come from like a background of therapy, psychology and astrology. So it’s like tying them all together. So when you give someone advice, yeah. You’re coming from multiple directions of being able to, um, you know, help them out or look, look intuitively in, in some ways.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. That’s my lens. And I think that’s even from like why I like diving so deep in astrology, the surface level of just knowing the sunshine does not resonate with me. But I don’t like being surface level on anything. So even from psychology, like I think a lot of times people are familiar with like the Myers-Briggs test.

Yes. Mm-hmm. And from my background, I do not like that test because it is, it. It doesn’t have very good, like valid validity and reliability. Like the test retest results are not very good. It’s like not really the best like test. And the people who made that test did it to try to prove their own hypothesis, which is like, not how you wanna make personality assessments.

Whoa. And so I actually really got involved in, and like, went really deep on this other assessment called the Strengths Finder. Now sometimes it’s called the Clifton Strengths Finder. And that’s actually where I became my certified life coach programming. Um, and it has 34 different strengths and every strength is a positive and it’s so much more nuanced.

And so, like I come from that lens too, like trying to dive really deep to the surface level is not enough for me. So being able to take all of the strengths that somebody has and put them into action. ’cause we all have strengths, we all have our vulnerabilities. Um, and I, I think that’s also part of astrology, right?

Like a lot of times we’ll have. The tropes about a certain sign. Um, like, like Aries for example, people are like, oh, they’re so aggressive and hotheaded because we look at like the, the negative, but the strength of Aries is like they’re gonna take action and they’re gonna fight for good things. And like if you’re in that kind of higher realm of it, that’s really good.

I like to think of it as like the balcony versus the basement.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: And so trying to take that strengths approach and then also bringing in the trauma lens. So it’s a little lot of multi-layers, but my Aquarius mind likes that.

Yes.

Christa Innis: I love that you say that because my daughter’s in Aries and it was so funny because, so she was late, so she was like gonna be a Pisces.

It was kinda like mm-hmm. A weird like line. But one of the things I always read was like, they’re so strong-willed and I have friends that are Aries too, and um, but they’re strong-willed. And I was saying to my husband the day, I was like, it’s funny because the things that you like. Necessarily don’t want them to be as a toddler, but the things you’re kind of like, okay, like let’s you know, step back, let’s take a breath.

You want those things for when they’re older, like, use your voice. Yeah. Be strong. Like, don’t back down from people that tell, you know, or, you know, set your boundaries. And like, so I’m like, all the things that she’s like testing right now, like boundaries. I’m like, when she’s older, these are gonna be so powerful.

Like, she’s gonna be so strong-willed in like that good way of like, she’s gonna hold strong her values and like, whatever that looks like for her. Um, so I love that you say that because it really is the angle of how you’re looking at it.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. And she’s lucky to have you as her mom to teach her boundaries in such a healthy way.

’cause obviously that’s such a big part of what you teach in your content too.

Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I’m, and I’m working and I’m, I’m learning myself as a, as a, uh, what do you call it? Recovering people. Pleaser as well.

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Um, so. With you? Like when people come to you for, whether it’s tear reading or therapy, like what do you think most people come to you for?

Like is it like love, is it, um, soul? Like, I know we were talking before about like soulmates, like questions about career life. What do you think most people come to you for?

Beth Hoffberg: So my most popular is love. That also I think tends to just be, because that’s how TikTok pushes out, right? Yeah. Um, but a lot of times my most recurring clients are gonna be people who actually do want to dive in deeper.

So we’ll work on all the areas of their life and really like, bring in the astrology and like look at, you know, maybe. If they’re trying to make a big decision or even manifest sometimes with some clients, I’ll also work on tapping with them. I don’t know if you’re familiar with a FT tapping. Basically it’s, um, emotional freedom technique where you can kind of rewire some of the traumatic beliefs that you’ve had.

It’s part of like somatic therapy work. Um, and so that’s something that I will sometimes work on with people. Again, not in like as a therapist, but more as a coach. Um, that’s a, something that I will also work on with people sometimes to just kind of rewire their beliefs and help them as they’re trying to kind of take those traumatic experiences and then like.

Put them into believing that that doesn’t have to be their story forever, because that can be really hard. But yes, definitely lots about love. Um, is this person my soulmate? Like, you know, is this person coming back? Things like that, that’s a common question that people have. I think especially because on if, if somebody has found me on TikTok, they’ve likely seen other tarot readings on TikTok also, and those are very common readings that come up on people’s fys.

And despite what a lot of other readers will say, I don’t think that just because a video comes up on your FYP, that that means it’s for you.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: I think that’s actually kind of spiritually manipulative because. I’m sure when you are scrolling on your FYP, there’s times that you get a video and you’re like, I don’t wanna watch that.

And you just scroll by. Not every video that’s on your FYP is actually for you. The algorithm’s constantly testing it. And the same thing is true for tarot or any other spiritual message. You have to use your discernment. And that’s another big thing that I like to teach on that we gotta learn our discernment.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s not like, yeah, if you’re like happily married, you see a video that’s like break up with him, you’re like, oh my gosh, I gotta break up with him. It’s like, look at your own situation. Does that apply? No. Okay. Scroll or vice versa. Exactly. If you’re looking for 11, you’re like. He’s, he is, uh, it’s an ex, you’re like, oh my gosh.

Well, my ex was toxic, but it says My, you got, I’ll take everything you see online with, you know, uh, grain of salt. Because I feel like, yeah, I just made a video the day that was like, not everything you see is made for you If you saw watching something and you’re like, uh, like, like the black, what do they call it?

The black bean theory? Like if you watch something like Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: Uh, be

Christa Innis: soup. The bean soup theory. Yeah. And you’re like, I am allergic to beans. Well, this video’s not for you. Exactly. Or apply to something else. Um, yeah, I think we live in the day and age where it’s like you have, you feel, feel like they have to comment on every single thing, even if it doesn’t necessarily apply or have nothing to do with them.

And that’s okay.

Beth Hoffberg: And then the algorithm, because you did comment on it, thinks that it is for you. So then you keep getting more of it and then you get even more in like the d Lulu. So yeah, I think that is something I do try to help people with. I try to be really specific. And then of course if somebody’s getting a personal reading, then you know it’s for you, it’s only your energy and your spirit team’s energy and no one else.

So, yeah. That’s very helpful.

Christa Innis: Do you do like in person, I know you do like, um, like you do them through social media, so if someone, if you’re, if someone’s hiring you to do a tarot reading, do they, do you do like digital? Do you do in person, do you feel, find they’re the same or different in that way?

Beth Hoffberg: I do it all digitally because that was something that I found was really needed for my own health.

Um, so I am, I, I previously was diagnosed with PTSD and something that I found in terms of like reclaiming myself was being able to just like, be fully free and setting my schedule and operating when like my nervous system was regulated. And also in operating, when I feel spiritually attuned, I’m not, you know, unable to be like if there’s certain astrological transits that are happening sometimes that makes me be like, oh my God, I can tap in so easily.

And sometimes I’m like, this is a fog I’m not gonna read for somebody right now. So I don’t like to schedule people because I like to be able to read for people when I’m like, I am in my power right now. Let’s go. And so people will purchase something from me on my website, fill out their questions and everything.

And then I can just set the exact ambiance that I need for myself and then record it, and then I send them a link that they can watch as many times as they want. So I think a lot of times people like that because then they can sit with it, they can pause, they can reflect on the message. Um, I just finished doing a bunch of 2026, like year ahead readings, and those are like 90 minutes of recorded video.

It’s too much to take in in one sitting.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: And understand everything. So I’m like, you know, pause it here and then take notes for the next part. And yeah, so that’s how I like to personally do it. And then I can also make sure that I’m really like tapping into their energy. And I do a lot of energetic cleansing in my own space.

I always have crystal grids and, you know, stuff like that to tap in. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I feel like that’s like, that’s really powerful. And it’s true. Like if you do like an in-person reading, I mean, I feel like the same about like a therapy session or something. Sometimes you’re like, wait, what did they say about this?

Beth Hoffberg: Yes.

Christa Innis: You know? So I feel like that’s really good about being able to be able to like, watch it and like pick it apart and be like, okay, what does this mean? How can I tie this to my own life? How does this apply? And, you know, answering those questions, you know, for yourself too.

Beth Hoffberg: Exactly. And sometimes I also go live on TikTok and we’ll do readings live for people.

And I’ve had people who have gotten live readings and do like through my website readings. And a lot of times people like kind of for the live readings to just get something that they need a quicker answer on or something short. Or maybe just like, what does Spirit wanna tell them right in that moment versus something deeper like trying to make bigger decisions or really understanding of a whole area of their life.

Or they want me to bring in the astrology, I gotta, I can’t do that like in the five minutes on live. So yeah, I have to study their charts. So, um, that people, that’s kind of how people like to separate it too.

Ending Doesn’t Mean Failing: Rethinking Divorce and Love

Christa Innis: Yeah. So how did you, I know you said you like started to study it, but like what kind of like led you down this path and like how did you like start kind of getting in tune, I guess with everything and, you know, being able to do these readings?

Beth Hoffberg: So I started with tarot. I was on a trip, and this actually was the trip that my ex-husband and I decided to separate on. We were on our five-year anniversary trip and on that trip we decided we were going to separate and it was very amicable, but we were in a very spiritual place. We were in Sedona, Arizona, and I already had, as part of the trip, scheduled a tarot reading with somebody.

And it was my first reading with somebody who I truly felt was like a legit professional, like actually tarot reader and, and had psychic abilities. And the first card of my reading was the tower card, which if you or anyone listening is familiar with tarot tends to be the card people are the most terrified of.

And that was the start of my tarot journey. Um, but it was so on point. It was literally like my whole life was about to be up peeved, like an upheaval of my life and. But I was gonna come out, you know, in the end in a better way. And yeah, that kind of got me started. And then that tarot reader encouraged me to get this one app called the Golden Tarot.

It’s free. I recommended it to people as well. ’cause that helped me to just pull a card every day and start learning the cards, just even through the app. Then somebody gifted me a deck and I started playing with that. It all kind of gradually happened. Um, after my divorce, I got into another relationship of some time later and that turned out unfortunately to be a, an abusive relationship.

And during that time I was working with a spiritual coach who helped me a lot and I was also doing therapy and all sorts of other things. But I was finding how a lot of times, like the truth that I thought it was because I was being gaslit. I was getting so conflicted in like my intuitive space versus what was real and, and shutting down my intuition a lot.

So then when I finally ended that relationship and went through the healing of that, um, and again, like lots of not just spiritual work but lots of therapy, somatic therapy, working with like, um, trauma-informed yoga instructor, I was doing sound bath healing, like so many different modalities really to come back to myself.

And that’s when I was like, okay. Part of why I felt so bad in that relationship was ’cause I was shutting down my own intuition. And so as I started to open it back up and I, I even relocated to somewhere that I could just focus on having my own piece and having nervous system regulation. I felt like things were just unlocking.

And that’s when I really started to dive super, super deep into tarot. And that’s when I was like, okay, I’m ready to, um. Like do this for other people now too, after I felt like I had gone through my own work, and I think that’s really important when anyone is working with a coach or someone that’s a healer or something to understand what have they already gone through, what healing have they done before you just buy into like them coaching or guiding you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I think that’s a great, that’s a great point because you want someone that’s gone through that kind of same or similar like healing journey or like understanding of it through that lens because if someone’s just coming to you just to like sell you or make a dollar off you or something, then it could be perceived as, you know, I don’t know, like not.

Authentic or something, you know?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. And like, I don’t think that they necessarily have to have gone through all the same problems or anything. But for example, if somebody was gonna try to find a therapist and their therapist isn’t also in therapy, like that’s a huge red flag.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: Therapists are supposed to also be in therapy.

Like we get taught that in school for sure. So just things like that. If they’re not also doing the work on themselves, they’re probably not in a space to be guiding others, so. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. That’s so interesting. Um, so kind of talking into like, I feel like there’s so many different directions we can go right now, so I’m like, okay.

I know you talked about like your own divorce. Mm-hmm. And you talked about how that’s kind of like taught you a lot about, about yourself and that kinda led you down this journey. So what would you say like your own divorce taught you about like love and partnership and then how would, like you give advice now?

Mm-hmm. Do people come to you and ask like. How do you kinda use that for your advice, if that makes sense? Like, um, I know you had kind of talked about that as like kinda like your guiding point to like your next stage.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah, so it’s interesting because I, like, I have my, the, my marriage and divorce and then another very big relationship.

Those aren’t the only two relationships I’ve ever had in my life, but they’re two very like, prominent relationships. And my marriage ended extremely amicably. Like we ended up, essentially, I had miscarried three times and my husband decided he didn’t wanna have kids anymore and I did still wanna have kids.

And so we decided that was, we couldn’t continue. And so we ended up parting ways, but um, I was able to take a lot of things from that relationship and know what I would want in future partners. ’cause there were lots of really beautiful things. We were really good partners in many ways. And then the experience of the grief and how that can.

You know, cha, that it’s actually very common that when people lose a child or something like that, that is a very common time that people end up getting divorced. Unfortunately, it’s really sad. And then in my other, my, that other relationship that I had been in, um, I had, I felt like I had manifested him because I was working a lot of manifestation and I was working through things of like, um, okay, spirit, I want this and this and this and this.

And the rest can basically be the same as like my, um, ex or whatever. And then when I met the second person, he and my ex-husband actually had the exact same birthday and I just thought that was like a sign, right? This

Christa Innis: is it. Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes. And there were so many other things, and then there were certain things I was like, well, I guess I wasn’t specific enough about that.

Like he was working on himself, but there were things that were not healthy. Mm-hmm. And so. I, I think it taught me about how there is the ability to manifest that people come into your life for specific reasons. You can ask spirit for certain things and people will come in, but that doesn’t mean that they’re supposed to be your forever person.

And also, I would say that ending a relationship doesn’t mean it’s a failed relationship. Like my re my marriage did not last for the entirety of my life, even though I definitely thought that it would. I never thought I would be somebody who would get divorced or anything like that, but it ended. But I wouldn’t call my relationship a failure.

I still think it was actually very successful. And I think that that framework is also really helpful, especially as I’m working with people who are trying to, you know, they wanna get towards a life partner. And realizing that you can be in relationships that you need to be in, in order to learn how to become the person that you want to be in your life partnership.

Um, maybe if you were to meet. The person that you think would be for you in your twenties. You haven’t gone through enough things that you needed to go through, you didn’t learn enough yet. So then that relationship would fail, so to speak. Or not last the lifetime, but if you meet them when you’re in your thirties because you had other experiences with other people, it is gonna work out.

Um, sometimes I think people think of that as like right person, wrong time. But I think it’s like both people are not the right people at the time. They’re It’s wrong person, wrong time. Yeah. You need the timing to be right. And so, yeah, I think it’s just this idea of like. Relationships can end and still be successful.

I try to think about it also from like a job standpoint. A lot of times we leave a job because we got everything we needed from that job and now we’re ready for the next thing. And it wasn’t because we failed at that job, it was actually because we reached the pinnacle of success and now it’s time for something else.

And we wouldn’t be like, oh, you failed because you got another job that paid you more money and gave you better hours and was more fulfilling for you. That’s not a failure that you left. And so I think if you can approach relationships in that same way of like sometimes the relationship is no longer meeting where we’re at.

Hmm, and it could still be successful, but now you have to leave that or it ends for whatever reason, so that you can go to the next thing that’s actually even better and is gonna be more aligned for your future and more fulfilling to you and your purpose in the long run.

Christa Innis: I love that. That’s like healing in itself that you said that because I mean, it’s so much, I feel like it’s so much easier for us to look back and be like, oh yeah, that relationship didn’t serve me.

But like there, there was someone that I dated like in college and I remember like thinking like, oh, like this is the one I could go into like a long story, but looking at how that ended and what happened, um, again, kind go into more detail, but I won’t for privacy reasons. But he did not treat me great.

And um, but looking back, I’m like, I would’ve been, if I stayed, I would’ve been stuck in the same like hoopla of like small town where I lived. Um, probably just trying to please him my whole life. Like, oh, do this. And I don’t think I would’ve done any of the career things I’ve done because I would’ve been so like stuck in that mind frame.

And then even like my current, my relationship, my, her, my husband, I feel like you’re talking about different people. If you look at us, when we started dating, we were completely different people, obviously. Like at the core, I think we were the same, but we’ve changed so much about our personal life, our morals, our belief, you know, so, so many different things.

And I think the hardest or most challenging points in our relationship or during those changes because like one person might change in one direction, one person might change in this direction. Um, and like now we’re, you know, mid and late thirties, so we’re more like. Okay, this is more who I am. But definitely those, you know, you look back and I’m like, I would, who is that girl?

Who’s that young woman that I was, I was so different then. So it’s very interesting that you say that too. ’cause I’m like, oh, if we would’ve just met now, would’ve been different. Or we also went to high school together. We did not know each other. But I’m like, definitely if we met in high school, it would’ve been wrong.

Completely wrong.

Beth Hoffberg: Yep.

Christa Innis: But it’s just interesting that you say that. ’cause I think so many times we’re focused on like, um, you know, like what, what our goal is of like, okay, dating someone, getting married, like all these steps and maybe that’s not how it should always go. Right?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. And I think we are more comfortable with that sometimes for friendships.

Sometimes it, we do like to have friends that last our whole lifetimes, but a lot of times people are like, yeah, I was friends with this person in college and no one is like. Wait, you’re not friends with every single person that you were besties with in college. You must be a failed friend. Like, no, that’s just we, there’s different people at different stages of our life and that the same thing can be true in romantic relationships.

And then there’s gonna be people that you meet that are gonna stand the test of time and do grow and evolve with you. And that’s beautiful. But not everybody is gonna be like that.

Christa Innis: Right. And I feel like we need to stop guilting ourselves and others. It’s not necessarily always good verse bad. ’cause I, yes.

I think the video too about like friendship breakups and I think in the moment we’re like, oh, they’re the bad friend. I’m getting away from that toxic friend. But then you look back and you’re like, no, was really good or bad. I think we just kinda had different roads ahead of us.

Beth Hoffberg: Exactly.

Soulmates vs. ‘The One’: What’s Actually Healthy?

Christa Innis: And needed to go that way.

So do you believe in your work and stuff, do you believe that soulmates are a thing are real? Because I feel like people are back and forth.

Beth Hoffberg: I do, and I actually posted relatively recently too about a video, like asking the deck if, uh, well, and really the deck isn’t its own entity, but like, spirit through the deck if soulmates were real.

I do strongly believe that soulmates are real. Um, I do not believe in twin flames. I think Twin Flames is very different and very toxic.

Christa Innis: Really? Oh, you okay. So Twin flames you, so you think they are a thing, but they’re not good? Or do you think

Beth Hoffberg: they’re not? I don’t, I think the concept of Twin Flames is not real.

Okay. And that the belief in Twin Flames is a very unhealthy, like kind of, um, I’m try not to use like a negative, uh, word that you’re gonna have to bleep. Okay. It’s okay. But like, I think it’s like, uh, um. Manipulation of spiritual messaging in a very unhealthy and toxic way. And I think it keeps people attached to people in abusive relationships and toxic cycles.

And there’s a lot of spiritual bypassing soulmates, I think is very different, but I also think soulmates can be in very, very forms. One of my strongest soulmates in my life was my dog. Mm-hmm. Um, so you can have soulmates that are pets, kids, family members, friends, teachers could be soulmates and, and romantic people can also be soulmates.

But not every soulmate is meant to be in your life for the entirety of your life. Some are, some aren’t, and you’re not gonna necessarily meet every soulmate that’s available out there for you. You’ll, or do

Christa Innis: you think

Beth Hoffberg: that’s what I think

Christa Innis: people have multiple soulmates in their lifetime? Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay.

So I think, okay, so I agree with you. So in the beginning I was like, and of course I have no background in any of this. This is just, you can believe it. A random, random person saying it. But, um, ’cause I always say to people, I don’t believe in soulmates, but I’m speaking more of like one per like, like the universe, the one God, whatever you believe in.

Yes. There’s one, one person here, one person here, they’re born and they have to find each other. And there’s only one,

Beth Hoffberg: I don’t believe in the one.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: That’s why I’m saying

Beth Hoffberg: I believe in many ones, but I also, so, and also like, even if you meet somebody who could be like one of your ones, doesn’t mean that it’s just gonna be sunshine and rainbows.

You still have to put in the work to make that relationship work.

Christa Innis: Thank you. Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: And. Just because relationships take work doesn’t mean that putting in the work is gonna work with everybody. So you could meet somebody who is not for you. You could think that you’re, they’re soulmates and you could try to put in the work and it’s not gonna work because you’re just not meant to be together.

Like, that’s, that’s my belief. At least that’s what I, yeah,

Christa Innis: no, I totally love this and I believe it because I’ve heard such this, like, negative is not the right word. I view it negatively, I think. But like that idea that there’s one person out there that you have to search for and they’re waiting for you and they’re your one romantic chance, you know, to like have this romantic partner.

And I think then people think it’s gonna be butterflies and rainbows, like you said. Mm-hmm. Like if it’s your soulmate, you won’t have to like go through like, you know, a discussion or like figure, have conflict or figure things out. It should just be perfect. And I think that’s where like movies kind of get us as kids, like Disney movies of like, oh, that’s their person.

They’re married happily ever after. And, um, that’s why I always say, I’m like, well, I don’t believe in one soulmate because I feel like I have to work at it. Like we’ve worked together every day. Like sometimes it’s like us, you know, us first the problem or it’s us kinda that next step or, um, and I feel like any, you know, couple that like wants to work together, they can make it work.

But like you said, not every couple’s gonna work. No. No matter what you try, it’s just not gonna work. Mm-hmm. Um, and vice versa. So, no, I love that you say that because I feel like there’s such this interesting dialogue around soulmates and what they are and who they are.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. And I do think your true soul, your true soulmates, whoever that is, they are going to push you in some ways because at least my belief is that we are supposed to grow throughout our lifetime here.

That’s part of the human experience is to evolve and to grow and to self-actualize into, into create all these different parts of ourselves. And so somebody who is really aligned with you is gonna push you to do that. They’re gonna create a safe space for you to do that. Even in the healthiest of relationships, you’re gonna get triggered.

But it’s being able to come back from that. And I say all of that, and also caution that if you’re constantly being triggered by somebody or constantly having all this conflict, then that’s, that’s not the same, right? Right. So it should, there should be times of peace. And there’s also studies that show that if you’re.

Not happy generally, and like see positive things around at least 65% of the time, the relationship is not going to last. Mm-hmm. So that’s also, yeah. That brings in my like, science side of

Christa Innis: No, I love that

stuff.

Beth Hoffberg: And like using that kind of stuff. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that stuff. And I, I truly believe in like soulmates as friends too, because there’s been like women, amazing women that I’ve met in my life that like, we’ve just like clicked and I’m like, do I know you from another lifetime?

Like, it’s so, it, and it’s so interesting. Like, I’ve like female friendships and like, stuff like that. I feel like it’s just like a study in itself because there’s just women that I’ve, like, again, some, some of the chapters had closed, but I would never have an ill word to say about them.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But then there’s some that I’ve met that I’m like still lifelong friends and it’s just like, there’s just something about like meeting them and I’m just like, our souls are aligned.

Like, I like conversation. Yeah. Um, okay. I know, I feel like I could talk to you about so many different things. You’re so knowledge. That’s

Beth Hoffberg: good

Demoting a Maid of Honor & Friendship Boundaries

Christa Innis: things. But I know we have a limited time too. Um, but getting into, I’m gonna kind of switch gears getting into like wedding drama. I know you have a maid of honor kind of drama story, so do you wanna talk more about that?

You had to demote a maid of honor.

Beth Hoffberg: I did have to, and then I’m glad we talked about like the friends concept already because I wouldn’t say that this was like a failed friendship. This, so my original maid of honor was when I was married before she was my best friend from high school and I had been her maid of honor.

Um, and she got married pretty close to when we graduated from college. Like she got married younger than, um, I did. And so yeah, I was her maid of honor and I did a lot for her wedding. I planned and paid for not the entire bachelorette, but I, I planned the entire bachelorette and paid for like a lot of it myself.

I planned and also paid for an entire shower, and it was a couples shower, which for what it’s worth, I think that’s so cool to do a couple shower. I love the like non-gender conforming things, but, um, I, there was a lot and I was in my master’s program. It wasn’t like I was rolling in the D at this time.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, and I did a lot of like extra thoughtful gifts. She also had another shower that I also attended her wedding. Um, we’re, we’re from the Chicago suburbs. I know you are too, are from that area, but, and her wedding was in Madison, Wisconsin. So it wasn’t that far, but it also required an overnight stay.

So there was still like, you know, the hotel and all of that

Christa Innis: all

Beth Hoffberg: adds up. Um, yeah, it all added up. But some of the other like extra thoughtful things that I did, um, her, I, for her, like something old, something new, something broad, something blue. I created a garter for her ’cause I knew she wanted to do a, a special garter.

So she had like a, a, um, garter toss garter. But this was back when we were still doing that stuff. I don’t think that

Christa Innis: kind of dying out a little bit.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah, that’s, that’s not a thing anymore. But I actually do think this, like this keepsake thing is actually kind of cool. You don’t toss this one. Um. And we got fabric from her mom’s wedding dress from her grandma, from her dad.

And like we sewed, me and my mom did this, and we sewed it onto her garter. So her garter like, had all these like special people with her on the day. Um, my, the person I was seeing at the time, um, he took a picture of her and her fiance and that, like one of their favorite pictures. And then he hand drew it, like, and it looked amazing.

I, and I don’t know if they still at this time, but I know like many years later they still had that like, hanging in their bedroom. So it’s like a lot of very, very special, like extra thoughtful things. Okay, so fast forward years to my wedding, and I knew I wanted to have a very small bridal party. I only, it was three people on my side, three people on his side.

And one of those people was my brother and his sister. So it was literally just two friends each. And so I wanted her to be one of the people that was in mine, but I really kind of was like, my best friend from college I felt like was maybe more like the right maid of honor for me. And so I was like, okay, it’s fine.

Um, well she was, you know, in a different stage of her life at that time now too. So now she’s pregnant. And I am living in Charlotte, North Carolina at the time, so I’m like, okay, you know, I don’t really wanna do like a big bachelorette, that’s not my scene. Like I, I was like 29 or something. 28. 28. Um, and I was just like, I didn’t, I didn’t wanna do that.

So my best friend from college, she and I just went to Mexico by just, just ourselves for like a bachelorette. Mm-hmm. I was like, we don’t need to do a bachelorette for my wedding showers. I flew back to the Chicago area and we had two wedding showers on the same weekend, so it was back to back. So it was like if you were having to travel, it was fine.

She didn’t travel in, was just like a couple hours away and she didn’t come to either of them.

Christa Innis: Oh.

Beth Hoffberg: And I was like, you didn’t even have to plan them, but you could like come

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, and stay for free at your mom’s house who lives like five minutes from where the shower

Christa Innis: is. Yeah. It’s odd to not even like try to come And did she RSVP no or just like, was

Beth Hoffberg: she RSVP No, she said that she could just couldn’t come because of everything that was going on, but I was just like, she was pregnant.

She was pregnant and But it wasn’t to the part of the pregnancy yet where like, you’re not supposed to like drive.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Or be and yeah. So, but I was like, okay. I mean, I get it. Like I was, I I, I was like, okay. Um, but then as we’re like getting closer to the wedding, I was like. Wanting everybody to come in from the bridal party.

’cause we didn’t do bachelor. My, my, um, ex-husband also didn’t do a bachelor party. We just literally were like, we just want our bridal party to come in one extra day early so that we can all hang out together for one night. That’s all we had asked of them. And that, yes, they were gonna need to travel ’cause we were, you know, nobody else lived in the same city that we were living in, but that’s all that we were asking.

And she couldn’t do it. And she wasn’t even gonna make it to the rehearsal the next day on time. And so I was like, I just, I I just felt like the, the reciprocity wasn’t there.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: And I, so I was like, you know what? I just think it would be better for you to just. I would still love for you to come to the wedding, but I think it would just be better if you just come to the wedding and as a guest and then that’s cool.

Um, yeah, so because, because at that time she would also have had her baby. We were having a child-free wedding and so I was just like, come as a guest, her, her mom was gonna come and like, take care of her child. And I didn’t feel bad about that either. ’cause my parents also were involved with like, um, helping on her wedding too.

So like,

Christa Innis: yeah,

Beth Hoffberg: it’s fine. But yeah. And then I ended up having my best friend that had taken me to Mexico. She was my maid of honor for real. And, and then I asked one of my friends from childhood to step in and I felt bad ’cause it was like I should have asked her from the get go and it felt bad. It was like a replacement, but she understood, um, it was fine.

It was no hard feelings. So, but it did kind of lead to me and my original maid of honor, my high school friends. Like we just. We just kind of like separated ways. Then I felt like, um, the reciproc, yeah, the reciprocity just wasn’t there. Mm-hmm. And that I just didn’t feel like as seen or cared for in a way that I felt like I, I like had deserved.

I guess so.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. I

Christa Innis: feel light to stop. Hold on.

Beth Hoffberg: It’s okay.

Christa Innis: I’m like, of course it’s dying, like right in the middle. Um, let me see if I have another light.

Beth Hoffberg: Sorry. Hold on. You’re fine.

Christa Innis: Okay. So when you had to demote this maid of honor, how did that, like how was her response? Do you feel like it was like something, anything changed in the relationship or do you feel like it was okay after that happened?

Beth Hoffberg: Well, she definitely agreed that that was gonna be for the best because also I, she was also like iffy on even if she could make it to pictures.

And I was just like, you have like one job. Like I literally have barely asked you to do like anything. Like can you just, I, and I understand she was going to be in a new phases of life of like being a new mom, but I also think, you know, sometimes we have to make sure we’re still celebrating the people that are in phases of life that like we were celebrated in when we were in that phase.

Yes. It’s hard. I, I, I do see why it would be difficult for her to travel. I, I get that, but also it’s like, I, I need one day. Like, remember, so.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. So she, she agreed that that was gonna be for the best and I was happy that she was gonna still be coming. I was very happy about that. And we did have fun at the wedding, but.

I honestly don’t think we’ve even seen each other since. We do live in different states and everything, but it’s just been like much, much more distant ever since then. Something else that kind of felt like, uh, the icing on the cake, so to speak, was even from like the gifts I had put so much thought and energy into the gifts that I was giving to her.

So personalized, like lifetime keepsakes, and for me, she got like. Six wine glasses off my registry. Mm-hmm. And like, yes, I was registered for them, but like also that was more for me to be able to have for guests ’cause I’m allergic to wine.

Christa Innis: Oh.

Beth Hoffberg: And she knew that. And I was like, this is not personable at all.

So I just was like, this relationship is just like met the end of it. Main course, I guess, you know? Yeah. So, and that’s okay. Um, and, and

I

Christa Innis: feel like moments like that kind of like make it clearer, like, okay, mm-hmm. This is our last big hurrah. And then that’s sad because yeah, it’s like definitely like being pregnant or having kids changes things.

But like for me, like I was a maid of honor when I was like six months pregnant and I was like, gonna still do everything as possible, like mm-hmm. I was still planning the bachelorette. I was, we were on a boat for the bachelorette. Granted at that part, I was still pretty, I think I was 15 weeks, but still, it was like, I remember I was like a nervous Nelly when I was pregnant, so I was like, okay, we’re gonna go on this yacht on Lake Michigan.

Okay. But, um, yeah, you, you still make some sacrifices for friends and at least. Making effort or showing that you’re interested in being there and excited for them? I definitely,

Beth Hoffberg: yeah, I just didn’t feel that, and I, I don’t like having a ton of attention on me despite being on TikTok. But like in, in a group like that, like I don’t really like being around a ton of people at once or things like that.

And so just, I just, that’s why even I wanted a small bridal party, but I just needed to know that the, the two people I was really choosing to be on my side. Nothing against his sister, but like that was, that was his sister,

Christa Innis: right? Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, she was very supportive. Love her, but like. The people that I was gonna have there, I wanted to really like, I needed them to be there for me.

There were all sorts of other dynamics going on that like, I needed that. And so I’m, I’m very thankful I made the choice. And then the person who I really did wanna have be my maid of honor, she was my maid of honor for real. And that all worked out really well. And yeah, I, I know I made the right choice because I saw something some, like months ago that was, it was like a question on Instagram or something that was like, if you were to walk into a room and every person that you’ve ever met in your entire life.

Dead and alive was in that room, who’s the first person you would seek out? Mm-hmm. And my first reaction is like, that is terrifying. Like that is way too many people. I would be so overwhelmed. Yes, there would be people who I would be so excited to see. And there’d also be people who I would be wanting to avoid for my safety.

Whatever the person I would most seek out is the person who was, and actually was my maid of honor, my best friend from college. Even though we live in separate states and we don’t get to see each other very often, and you know, we talk with not like the most frequency either, but I just know that she, I could be like, oh my gosh, Christa, like, and she would be like, I got it.

And like, that’s, that’s who I needed by my side in that moment. And, and that’s who I would still count on. I would then, you know, then I would wanna see like my grandpa that passed away and stuff like that. But like the first person I would seek out is the person who would be my like regulat.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s a great like, exercise for people getting married to be like, do you visualize those people there?

Yeah. And to listen to your gut, because it’s funny that you say you had a gut feeling kind of in the beginning too, because this, I read a story yesterday that will be out on YouTube, but like, um, she literally starts it with the, that I had a gut feeling about a friend, and it wasn’t made of honor or anything.

It was about just inviting her to the wedding. She was like, I don’t know. I had a gut feeling and my gut was kind of saying no. But then the friend reached out and was like, I need to come to your wedding.

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: And she said yes. And it, like, all these weird things happen. And so it really is about listening to your gut about people in your wedding and, um.

Making those calls and, and it sounds like you guys had a really like, mature conversation about it and like both people were mature because you hear of those where it’s like they get so offended because they’re not in the wedding anymore. It’s like, well this is, I’m doing this ’cause it’s best for both of us.

Yeah. Not just me. I’m not being selfish or rude. This is what’s best for both of us. And I think when people respond, it shows a lot about like, both people’s character.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah, definitely.

Wedding Red Flags That Predict Marriage Problems

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Let’s get into, I, I’m like, I’m like noticing the time and I’m like, oh my gosh, I could talk to you for so long.

Because when we start talking about like, astrology and like personality tests and I don’t know that stuff, I like, love any of it. Anyways, let’s get into some quick wedding hot takes and then we’ll get, let’s do it into, um, the story submission. Okay. Um, okay, this is gonna be a little red flag, green flag.

Are you, are you up for that?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Okay. Um, they propose after six months and say, I just know.

Beth Hoffberg: I think that it depends on the age and how often they’ve been actually spending time with each other, um, and what other experience they’ve had. So, I’m sorry to say that that’s like an, it depends. Yeah. If they are less than 25, that is a hot no for me.

I’m sorry. Like your brains are not fully developed. It’s no offense. Like it’s just the reality. Your brains are not fully developed. You don’t know after six months if you are older and you’ve been in serious relationships and you are spending time with each other and you’ve seen people in the different seasons, like you’ve seen them be.

Angry. You’ve seen them go through something hard and like, and things like that, then I think that that six months is okay. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: A lot of these I feel like are hard to say, red flag, green flag, green flags. They’re not so obvious. And there is a lot of nuance to these, right? You could never say like, oh, it’s completely a red flag.

And then someone listening is like, well, we got engaged after six months. Now we’ve been married for 25 years. And it’s like,

Beth Hoffberg: totally.

Christa Innis: There’s always a scenario where it can absolutely be good, but okay, your partner’s mom says, I’ll pay for the wedding, but I need a final say.

Beth Hoffberg: Uh, I think that that is a red flag.

Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: It’s holding money over you and Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Beth Hoffberg: it’s tough.

Christa Innis: Um, your fiance refuses premarital counseling because we’re fine.

Beth Hoffberg: It doesn’t even matter what the rest of it is. Immediate red flag

Christa Innis: immediately.

Beth Hoffberg: Refuses for marital counseling. Red flag. But what is the rest of it?

Christa Innis: It just, he says because we’re fine or I should say, they say we’re fine.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. Red, red, red, red.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Bright ride.

Christa Innis: Um, they want a huge wedding, but you’d rather elope and they dismiss you.

Beth Hoffberg: The dismissing itself is a red flag. Um, the disagreeing isn’t a red flag, but the dismissing is a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Agree. Your fiance wants their ex invited to the wedding to keep things peaceful.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, I need a little more context. If it’s the ex and it’s like their child’s parent mom or something, and they like, okay, I could understand that situation, but if it’s just like their ex and they have no other ties to each other, immediate, no.

Christa Innis: Right. I know the first thing that pops into my mind is like the mother-in-law still gets along with the ex and just and wants her.

’cause I’ve read it’s outrageous the number of stories.

Beth Hoffberg: You have read a lot of stories like that. Yes.

Christa Innis: It blows my mind like that. The mother-in-law’s, like, let’s just invite her. That’s the plus one. I’m like, and the confessions I get on Instagram, which we’ll get to, but I’ve gotten multiple that say my ex’s now ex’s mom brought his ex as her plus one to the wedding.

I’m just like, what? Wild,

Beth Hoffberg: wild.

Christa Innis: Um, during conflict, they shut down and disappear for hours or days.

Beth Hoffberg: So for hours, I would say that that is more of an amber colored flag. Um, it’s something hopefully that they’ll be working on disappearing for days and you’re getting married to them. That’s a, that’s a problem.

Um, so yeah, you know, people have different ways of dealing with conflict and depending on how they get triggered, if they might need to, like, yeah, shutting down does sometimes happen, but if it literally happens every time, just bringing up even something small like, Hey babe, I asked you to do the dishes and they aren’t done and they shut down and won’t talk for hours, that’s a red flag.

Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. So

Christa Innis: yeah, your fiance has no opinion on anything and says whatever you want.

Beth Hoffberg: I would take that as a red flag in my relationship because that’s not the type of person I would want to marry. Some people probably would like that and like to just be able to make all their decisions.

Apparently the people in this, uh, the skit that you’re doing right now, like the sisters, they would like that from their partner.

Christa Innis: I know. I would

Beth Hoffberg: not like that.

Christa Innis: I know, but especially with wedding planning, I feel like it shows they don’t care. But like, again, me, I would be like, like there’s some things for my husband, like when we were wedding planning, he was very involved.

Like I, I was like, we’re making decisions together. But if he was ever just like, if he would’ve ever just brushed me off and like, whatever you want, I’d been like, this is our wedding. But if he was like, oh, I don’t know, like I trust your opinion, so whatever you want. I feel like there’s difference with like tone too

Beth Hoffberg: completely.

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

Beth Hoffberg: I also think like there were definitely times when I was planning my wedding that. Like both of us were kind of like, uh, we don’t care. Yeah. But if the, if one partner is constantly like, so then neither of us care. So you have to decide That is a mental load issue now.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: So I think that like, that also comes into play.

And, and the wedding does show how you’re gonna operate in your marriage too. And I feel like that’s a thing people forget a lot is like, it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage and the partnership. So

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. That would be, I like, if I had to choose red or green, I would choose red and that person would not be for me.

Yeah. But maybe for some people, that’s the relationship they would want.

Christa Innis: Yeah, the wedding is the precursor to how the marriage will be, for sure. Mm-hmm. If you have toxic in-laws or issues like drama, it’s gonna be a precursor for how the marriage is gonna be. If your fiance is very passive, it’s gonna be how I feel.

Like I was talking, I had a therapist on, um, here, Kate Gray, like this was probably like six months ago now, and we like, were talking through one of the stories and we kind of came to that conclusion. We’re like, yeah, we’re like, depending on like how it goes. Like, not all scenarios of course, but that’s gonna be kind of a peek into how your relationship might be if you have meddling in-laws or meddling siblings or, you know, it’s only gonna get harder if, you know, you move toge, you move in together, or you have children, or you have a jo, a career change.

You know, whatever those things are, these things can follow. So it’s good to like set boundaries or nip them in the bud when before it like happens, you know?

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, last one. They get mad if you don’t text back immediately.

Beth Hoffberg: It’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Yep.

Copycat Rings, White Dresses & Wedding Jail Time

Christa Innis: I would agree. Okay. Let’s get into this week’s story so I don’t go too over time here.

Okay. Okay, here we go. This was my first marriage. We got divorced 11 months after the wedding because he was cheating. I got engaged at 26 to a man I dated since I was 18. From the very beginning, there were signs of infidelity. He had issues with cheating early on. Ooh. And being young and naive, I ignored it because he always insisted.

He really loved me. Looking back now, it was clear manipulation. I mean, that goes right into the gut feeling we were talking about earlier.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: You have a gut that it’s bad or something’s not working. It’s probably right.

Beth Hoffberg: The other thing that I’m immediately wondering is like, how old was he? She was 18. I just have a feeling he was not.

Christa Innis: That I think about that too. ’cause I’ve read stories like this before. ’cause she’s saying okay, so she was 18 when they started dating and then they got engaged at 26

Beth Hoffberg: or she was 26.

Christa Innis: But yeah, she doesn’t say his age at least yet. Yeah, yeah. Um, and I’m not going to pretend I was perfect either. Over the years he pushed and pushed me to even the score.

Eventually I did. And I’m not proud of it. Are they talking about cheating

Beth Hoffberg: or like stepping out in a, in a way. Like, but that’s a little tricky. ’cause if he was pushing her to be with somebody else, that’s not really cheating if she is doing it because he coerced her to do it.

Christa Innis: It’s almost like he felt real, he felt like he was, he, he almost wanted an excuse to cheat more or to be like, well, I.

Cheat all these times. So like you go do it or something.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah, but

Christa Innis: that’s kind of odd.

Beth Hoffberg: That’s not really cheating. It’s almost like a, a not quite open relationship. You’re like, it just sounds like a very challenging dynamic.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It says eventually I did, and I’m not proud of it, but that’s the kind of toxic relationship it had become.

We were both stuck in a cycle that never should have lasted as long as it did. When I was 24, he went ring shopping and I showed him the exact type of ring. I loved custom design, specific setting, the whole thing. We didn’t have a lot of money at the time, and I truly would’ve been happy with something simple or smaller, but then nothing happened.

Two years went by and our relationship felt like it was in, it was stuck on pause. I hit the point where I finally had the do something or I’m done conversation, which how do we feel about that?

Beth Hoffberg: I feel like if you have to have the do something or I’m done conversation that it already is done. You don’t wanna force somebody to get married.

Like there’s, it sounds like this relationship has a lot of coercion in it, and that’s just never gonna be able to be redeemed.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Beth Hoffberg: unfortunately.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. He didn’t respond. So I packed up and moved out thinking, this is it. I’m actually done this time. But then he begged me to come back and about four months later we got engaged.

He was the man I couldn’t quit. Tall blue eyes in 100% toxic. We were like fire and gasoline. He ended up designing the custom ring. I had fallen in love with years earlier when I brought the ring home to show my mom. At first, she acted thrilled. My sister wasn’t shocked at all. She’d known I loved that design since I was 16.

I’d always joked I just needed to find the man. I should mention my parents aren’t together and the, the man my mother destroyed our family for Oh, she goes, and the man my mother destroyed our family for, he was married. So this is like a cycle. Hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, my mom was the other woman for 10 years.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh wow.

Oh my

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I just talked to a friend of mine that’s a therapist, and you might have seen this in your work too, but she, you might know the name of it. I can’t think of the name, but there’s like a study about like, um, looking at cycles of like trauma, trauma, intergenerational

Beth Hoffberg: cycles,

Christa Innis: intergenerational like trauma and stuff.

And she’s like. Like if there’s like cheating in a, in a lineage, like it’s very common. Like if a mom was cheated on, maybe her mom was cheated on, and it’s just like this interesting thing of like, you don’t think like, oh, because I was cheated on maybe my mom, you know, or whatever. Or she had breast cancer because she had this hap, you know, it’s just this interesting lineage.

Mm-hmm. You can see. So when I just saw that, that’s kinda what made me think of it as, I was like, oh, she’s kinda looking back and it’s like, oh, her mom was. In a relationship where a man was cheating.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. It sounds like the person at this, while she maybe didn’t have the awareness when she was going through it at where she’s writing to you right now, sounds like she does have a lot more awareness.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I’m getting to. That around Christmas that year, my sister came to visit and my mom was showing off new jewelry. It was basically my engagement ring.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh, oh no.

Christa Innis: Oh, red

Beth Hoffberg: flag that I’m

Christa Innis: not okay

Beth Hoffberg: with that.

Christa Innis: This came outta left field. I thought this was be all about the guy.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Uh, same design, same setting. Only hers was yellow gold with yellowish diamonds instead of white. When I confronted her, she told me it was completely different and that I was being dramatic, but it wasn’t different. It was identical right down to the setting. I was furious.

Beth Hoffberg: I feel sorry for her.

Christa Innis: No, imagine like that’s your moment of like being so excited.

Obviously the relationship has its issues with their to it’s toxic, but that aside, right? Yeah. She’s so excited and the mom’s like, you know what, I’m gonna go out and get myself the exact same.

Beth Hoffberg: And it was her custom design and everything. Like, how can you say it? You know, it’s different if it’s like, oh, we both had, you know, a single solitaire, like princess cut is the exact same.

Like, okay. But no, it sounds like this person created some whole special design, special setting, her own vision that she’s wanted since she was 16.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: They had it custom made. Mm.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: I don’t believe the mom,

Christa Innis: it’s a little interesting.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. She

Christa Innis: said, I was furious. My sister immediately told her she should never wear it again because it was a blatant copy and incredibly rude.

Good for the sister.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes.

Christa Innis: My mom got angry and said she wouldn’t wear it on my day. Fast forward to about one or two months before my wedding planning was going pretty well until my mom showed me what she was planning to wear. Here we go. Wait, and I didn’t notice. So it says the mom. Um, okay, so the mom just, okay, so the mom destroyed her family, so I’m guessing she was also married, cheated with this man who was also married.

Right. Sounds like they were both married because she said, my mom just started her marriage for 10 years, meaning that she never got married to this man. So my, what’s what my intuition is saying, she’s jealous now that her daughter’s getting married to this man, which she is been the other woman all these years, right?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, it says, I go to her house and she proudly pulls out a garment bag, a white garment bag inside was a white gown. Just when I think

Beth Hoffberg: she knows exactly what she is doing, she knows exactly what she is doing.

Christa Innis: No one is that naive to be

Beth Hoffberg: like,

Christa Innis: oh, you can’t wear, you can wear a white dress to your daughter’s wedding.

What? You, I don’t, my ring’s different. What her excuse was, you’re doing a black and white wedding. What color am I supposed to wear?

Beth Hoffberg: Oh my God,

Christa Innis: my sister and I immediately shut it down and forced her to find something else. The disappointing part. The next dress she chose was literally the same dress my stepmom had already purchased.

Beth Hoffberg: Ugh.

Christa Innis: Thankfully my stepmom is an angel and just picked another dress without making it a thing. That is an angel.

Beth Hoffberg: I’m glad this person has her sister, her stepmom, like people in her corner who seem to get it. Her mom is a problem for sure.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. You need those people to like not add more gasoline to the fire like she was saying earlier.

Mm-hmm. Just to kind of be like, and I know some people get mad in the story sometimes when I’m like keeping the, you can keep the peace, like it’s protecting your boundaries in some ways. Right? Keeping the peace doesn’t necessarily mean you’re hurting yourself. It just means like. Not igniting more, because I think there’s some people that thrive off the drama.

Mm-hmm. And they want to start more drama, you know? So I feel like they were very smart about like, you know what? We’re not gonna even bring it to her attention. Let’s just change the dress. You know?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. Or the, you know, the bride could have gone to the stepmom being like really upset, and the stepmom being like, I don’t, like, I don’t care enough.

I wanna solve this problem for you. The way that I wanna solve it is by getting a different dress and not engaging with your mom, and then take this off your plate. So it’s like up to the stepmom to make that decision to brag just out of it. And that’s like, those are the people you need when you’re.

Going through stuff like this?

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. Um, my bridesmaids couldn’t decide on a dress, so I told them to pick whatever style they wanted as long as it was black and church appropriate. Since I was having a church wedding, I recommended tea length because it was popular at the time. When it came to shoes, I asked for their input and only had one opinion, and only one had an opinion silver.

So I said, okay, silver, it is. I truly thought I was being accommodating, but somehow I still got labeled as a Bridezilla. Then the guest drama, one bridesmaid, let’s call her the bridesmaid, was single and not dating anyone since the wedding was outta state. I asked my aunts if she should get a plus one.

They said no, so I didn’t give her one. She decided she was bringing someone anyway, a woman friend of hers I’d never even met. Luckily, I was able to accommodate it last minute since a few people didn’t show up. Again, she was just like, you know what? It’s annoying, but whatever. We’re just gonna make it work.

Beth Hoffberg: Yep.

Christa Innis: Like I, I feel like personally, if someone was flying into my wedding, I would probably give them a plus one. But also like, if you’re in a wedding, like you’re not gonna really be seeing your plus one that much until the date.

Beth Hoffberg: You don’t have that much time usually. Yeah. And it, it probably also just depends on like the other people in the bridal party.

Like if everybody is basically single, then it doesn’t matter. Just like, let everybody just come by themselves.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Um, dinner was catered by a super talented chef who was a close friend with my ex, but at last minute he decided to, he decided to bread the chicken that mattered because the bridesmaid had celiac disease and she accused me of trying to poison her on purpose.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay. It looks more red flags.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because like, it’s not like. She like snuck like something in there, like you can see it’s breaded. So like, okay, let’s figure it out and get something else. Oh my God.

Beth Hoffberg: Well also a huge red flag on the chef ’cause that’s not okay. Oh no. It’s to change the menu and Yeah, especially with something like that where it’s literally going from not gluten to having gluten.

That’s a big note.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if it was one of those things where it’s like, because it’s a friend of the ex, if they’re like, just make us whatever, and there was nothing actually set in stone or the guy’s like, oh, I gave them a discount so I can just make whatever I want. That’s, I always say that’s a problem with hiring friends sometimes is because there’s not always a contract and they’re not always taken as seriously on both sides.

I’ve seen both kinds of stories. Um, so I, yeah, it makes me kind of wonder what happened there. She said, yes, seriously. She left before the cake cutting and made a big show of it, like I was some evil mastermind plotting to her downfall with breadcrumbs also. Why would you immediately be like, oh, it’s the bride’s fault she’s trying to kill me.

Like,

Beth Hoffberg: right.

Christa Innis: That would never be my first instinct. I’d be like, oh, they made a mistake. Same like I was vegetarian for years. I know it’s not the same thing. I chose that it wasn’t allergic or had issues, but like I was vegetarian for years. How many times do you, I get served. Food at restaurants with meat, or I’d go to someone’s house and they’d gimme something with meat.

I would never be like, oh my gosh, you tried making me eat animals? Like, that’s not my first thought.

Beth Hoffberg: No, I, so I do actually have a lot of food allergies. Um, and this can be difficult as a wedding guest because a lot of times I’m like, I literally cannot eat anything. But depending on the whose wedding it is, I’ll ask them, especially if it’s like way in advance I’ll be like, I have food allergies.

How would you like me to handle it? Like, do you want me to tell you, do you want me to talk directly to a wedding planner? Do you want me to talk directly to a chef? Do you want me to just bring my own food? Like, what do you want me to do? I wouldn’t, because I don’t wanna put more on the bride in the groom, like, or, or whoever’s getting married.

Like, no. And I would never assume that if somebody served me something that I was allergic to, that the people who invited me to their wedding were like, let’s kill Beth. Like what?

Christa Innis: Yes. I know. It’s like, so she already had some kind of like thing against her.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. She

Beth Hoffberg: shouldn’t have been in the wedding.

She should. I feel like we need to normalize people saying no when they don’t support the, the bride and groom.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Beth Hoffberg: Like if you don’t want to be in the wedding, say no.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Just save everybody the headache later. Really don’t need to sabotage it or say something rude, just like, no thank you. It’s okay.

We’ll move on.

Beth Hoffberg: Yes, exactly.

Christa Innis: Um, during the toast, my ex brother, oh, my ex’s brother stood up after drinking for what felt like six straight hours and gave a completely incoherent speech. At some point, he dumped alcohol on his pregnant sister-in-law. Then he smashed a glass on the floor to celebrate and expected everyone else to do the same.

We had him escorted out.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay. I’m glad that, that they handled it. Yeah, they handled it.

Christa Innis: But somehow he came back,

Beth Hoffberg: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: A week before my wedding. Okay, so now we’re going back a week. My mom and her married boyfriend broke up because he wanted us to remove people from the guest list. People who knew him, knew his wife, and could expose him.

Maybe you just shouldn’t come and maybe you just shouldn’t cheat. Like

Beth Hoffberg: yeah.

Christa Innis: What? Imagine being like in an affair, having an affair and expecting to people to change your wedding so you don’t get caught. That’s. Bonkers.

Beth Hoffberg: Bonkers.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, so that relationship imploded right before my wedding, so I’m sure the mom loved that.

Beth Hoffberg: I was gonna say the mom was gonna blame the bribe for that too. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Christa Innis: All her fault. Meanwhile, my ex didn’t speak to his own mother and insisted she not be invited, but she showed up anyway and sat at the back of the church. Mm-hmm. Ironically, though, she was the least of my problems that day, man, I feel so bad for this bride.

It’s just one thing after the other, and it’s just like drama from like immature people. I feel like,

Beth Hoffberg: I also feel like in some ways it’s the universe maybe being like, don’t get married. Like this

Christa Innis: was

Beth Hoffberg: not, or this wasn’t for her. Yeah.

Christa Innis: That is such a good point. Um, yeah, I actually just read one, which by the time this comes out, it’ll probably be like a couple weeks ago.

It’s coming out this week. But, um, it was a similar thing, but it was more just drama with the caterers and stuff. Um, no, was that the one, I read so many stories, but there was another one where all these bad things kept happening and like later on she was like, I think it was a sign that like, it wasn’t supposed to work because like literally two years later, a year later we got divorced and it was like the universe being like, don’t do it.

Beth Hoffberg: I do think like every wedding is gonna have some things that go wrong. And also I feel like at like when at, at my first wedding, like the, that I just knew there was gonna be something that would go wrong. And even though I didn’t know what it would be, and so then when things went wrong, I was like, oh, that’s not a big, like, okay, of course it’s not gonna go perfectly.

And that doesn’t in itself mean that you’re not supposed to get married. Right. But when it’s like every single area is so much drama, like there’s obstacles for a reason sometimes.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know it’s almost like, this is like a weird way to put it, but like the mo, like the movie Final Destination. Okay.

This is like really a weird way to put it, but you know, like, I’m

Beth Hoffberg: excited though

Christa Innis: that the things keep happening to them and it’s like just keeps happening. Obviously this is like, I just feel like things are getting in the way of making this a beautiful wedding day.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And so it’s like, what’s, where is this leading?

Like where’s the final like part of this wedding gonna go? Because it’s like no matter what they like, okay, brush aside this one thing, they brush aside this, but then this other obstacle keeps coming that it just, I don’t know. It’s interesting. Okay. There’s. Let me,

Beth Hoffberg: okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Um, there’s just so much to comment on.

Okay. After my ex ex’s brother returned, he found more alcohol and started peeing and potted plants inside the expensive venue. He got thrown out again, but at that point everyone was heavily drinking and he somehow snuck back in again. Okay, this is a problem. Send it it home. And

Beth Hoffberg: also gross.

Christa Innis: This is like terrible.

The worst part was that my mother disappeared with my ex-husband’s grandfather, who was nearly 80. She denies it to this day, but everyone knew something happened either way. Disgusting. What is happening here? My God, by the end of the night, the brother was so drunk, he could barely stand. I’m surprised he could.

He made it that far.

Beth Hoffberg: Truly.

Christa Innis: His pregnant sister-in-law tried taking him back to the other place with her partner. Instead, he pushed her and got into a fist fight with another brother-in-law. One of them went through a wall. The cops got called and he spent the next three days in jail.

Beth Hoffberg: I mean, he needs other consequences in treatment probably, but yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. If you are showing up that intoxicated and doing all these things that that’s a problem. Fast forward six months into marriage. My husband was acting strange, secretive, distant off. I checked his phone and found inappropriate texts from at least four women. One of them was only 19 years old.

Beth Hoffberg: That goes back to the suspicion from earlier of like, is there an age difference or does he just like Yeah, younger.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s definitely a problem. I mean, and it sounds like she had intuition or knew of cheating before the wedding, but now it’s like

Beth Hoffberg: back up. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, says I confronted her, she said she didn’t know he was married and told me he kept calling her and was eating at her restaurant four times a week. She promised she’d never speak to him again, and weirdly we became friends, not close friends, but the kind of bond where you feel like you’ve both been lied to.

Beth Hoffberg: Hmm.

Christa Innis: That’s, I have, that’s happened to me before.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay.

Christa Innis: Because I was that person where, like when I was cheated on, I never blamed the woman because I was like, she was probably lied to from this a-hole just as much as I was.

Beth Hoffberg: Right.

Christa Innis: And so there was like two different times where I became friends with the girls and I’d be like, the women and I’d be like, okay, like this is my new friend.

And I’m like, that would probably piss them off more. So I like, it was funny.

Beth Hoffberg: Fair enough.

Christa Innis: Um, but she was lying. Oh. But she was lying to my face.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh,

Christa Innis: okay. He never stopped contacting her. And while I believed we were working on our marriage, he was actively building a life with her. Oh. After four months, after months of struggle, stress, sleepless, sleepless nights, violent fights, and dramatic weight loss, I finally got the courage to leave.

About a month after I moved out, he moved in with her. Oh, he sounds like a. Terrible person,

Beth Hoffberg: and it is gonna be a serial thing that he does. The 19-year-old is gonna find some other person that he is talking to that’s younger again. And then he’ll just keep doing this until

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Beth Hoffberg: the end of time.

Christa Innis: Yep.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Once I filed for divorce, they announced they were expecting their first child.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh no.

Christa Innis: And the photo they used to announce it, the shoes he wore at our wedding. I wish I was kidding. I guess it all worked out for them in the end. They now have two kids and have been married for five years. But that relationship taught me a lesson I will never forget when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Beth Hoffberg: Believe them. Yes. And honestly, just because they’re still married doesn’t mean that they’re happily married or that he’s not cheating.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Right. Like they could, they could be married and. Who knows what he is doing, so,

Christa Innis: right. It’s like the grass is always greener thing. You might see him and be like, oh, they’re like posting these happy photos on Facebook or whatever.

We don’t actually

Beth Hoffberg: know. Right. You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. Absolutely. I’m glad for the person who wrote this story in that she’s not in that relationship anymore and she can like see it for what it was, but.

Christa Innis: Yeah, to go through all of that and like have this, but I’m sure she looks back and she’s like, the wedding was telling me, don’t go through with it.

Look at all this stuff, walk away. Um, but she just ends with, I’m happily remarried now. Okay. I no longer speak to my mom that brightly or obviously my ex. And honestly, this would all make a great story.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, I feel like she needs an award for recapping all the things that we wanted to know at the end. Like not everyone that writes in does that.

Yes. And sometimes I know, like when I’m listening to the episode, I’m like, wait, did you cut them off? Like, what’s happening? And I love that this person was like, this is what happened and this is what happened. They gave us an epilogue.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, I totally agree. There’s so many times where I’m like, that’s it, that’s where they ended.

Oh my gosh. I need to email them. And so as long as we’ll email them and we don’t hear back, or sometimes they’ll like, send me an update later. But yeah, that was, that was a good way to like tie it off. Like, I’m glad. That she’s happy now and like got outta a really toxic relationship, um, like you said,

Beth Hoffberg: and broke the pattern that her mom was in.

She’s not her mom. She is her own person and she doesn’t have to be like her mom. And I think that’s really beautiful.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Wow. That like, touched on every kind of like drama I think I’ve ever read before. Wow. Well, thank you for sending that in and thanks for reacting with

Beth Hoffberg: me. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh.

Confessions: Wedding Regrets, RSVP Chaos & Cake Controversy

That’s wild. Okay, um, let’s end with a couple of confessions.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, there, sentiment Instagram. I know we’re like really over on time. Are you okay on time?

Beth Hoffberg: I’m good on time. Okay. And then, yeah. And then when, let me do like some cards for you, for the podcast or whatever. Yeah,

Christa Innis: yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. So this says, what wedding cost do you regret the most?

We asked people on Instagram, this is what they said. This person said the whole thing. I wish we would’ve eloped. Another person said, not doing RSVP only. There was too many people that were not invited. Interesting.

Beth Hoffberg: Wait,

Christa Innis: not doing,

Beth Hoffberg: not doing

Christa Innis: RSVP only ’cause there were too many people that were not invited.

Oh. I wonder if they’re thinking like, they didn’t like, like limiting RSVPs and they wish they would’ve just done, like, open, like, because I’ve seen people doing that where there’s like, just come if you can make it. So maybe that’s what they mean.

Beth Hoffberg: I’ve never heard of that. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I, I have until I started sharing stories, I’ve heard of a couple of people saying like, we just had like, like in, in like a church basement or like a venue and just being like, oh, anyone can come to dinner and like, it’s a buffet.

So maybe that’s what they mean. But I don’t know. Interesting. This one says cake. No one cares about cake. Yeah. I think you need some kind of sweet treat. I don’t think it has to be cake, but you need some kinda like sweet thing. That’s what I like anyway.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, and this last one says a photo booth because they didn’t have guest create the book as instructed.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh, that’s a shame. Honestly, even though my first marriage did end in divorce, I still have like so many really great memories from the photo booth and like pictures from that that I love seeing from, from my wedding. So I love

Christa Innis: that from

Beth Hoffberg: that wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. That’s fun. I feel like photos too, like.

Photos and videography I feel like are like, so worth it. But yeah, every wedding’s gonna be different of what you prioritize and that. Okay. So I, is there

Beth Hoffberg: something that you think is the expense that you wish that you would’ve not done? Like what’s the expense that you would’ve changed?

Christa Innis: Honestly, I feel like I was pretty, I was pretty good about saying like, no to things there.

Like, I was like, okay, um, we were pretty limited on like, not, I shouldn’t say limited on guest list, but I was like, if I haven’t talked to them in the last five years, like they’re not invited if I, we mm-hmm. We didn’t do plus runs for like, um, like anyone on, I’m trying to think like guest list. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

The one thing that people always told me, like, they’re like, don’t get favors, like, no one uses favors. But I was so set. I was like, I love getting favors at weddings. I know most people don’t. So I did, we did decks of cards, but there were a lot left over. A lot of people did leave cards. So, I don’t know. I would say maybe that if I had to pick, but like, I would, like, for example, I got a quote like, for $4,000 for flowers.

I ended up borrowing a friend’s flowers. She made silk bouquets. Mm-hmm. So we didn’t pay for flowers. Um, all our bridesmaid dresses were under a hundred dollars. I let them wear whatever shoes they wanted. So I feel like I was pretty, like, stingy is the wrong word, but I was like, spent where I wanted to spend, I should say.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: My, my wedding was a big ticket wedding, I would say. Like, it was, it was a lot. It was this destination wedding for almost everybody, even though it was where I lived. Nobody else lived there. So we, this could be for like another time, but, you know, we invited, we had everybody that was invited to the wedding got invited to something the night before the wedding.

’cause of the like. Inviting the out of town people to the rehearsal.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: We just invited, we did a whole special other event and we had like a farewell breakfast the next day too. And it was like, there was a lot going on. Um, but the thing that I would actually have taken, like, you know, I, I do hope to get married again, and I think the thing I would reduce the cost on is my dress.

And I didn’t even get a very expensive dress, but I just, I don’t know, that’s just an area that I just don’t really care about as much. I just feel like I don’t need to spend close to a thousand or over a thousand or whatever on a dress. Like I’ve really just, whatever I’ll get, I’m gonna get something way cheaper probably.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I, I was like that too with my dress. Like I feel like. I’m so shocked when I hear like, custom bride dress costs.

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Like thousand, multiple thousands of dollars. Mm-hmm. Because I, I went somewhere that was like direct, so it was like none of the overhead costs kind of thing. Um, yeah. That for me, I was like, I didn’t go to like five bridal shops either.

I was like, I went to one, tried on five dresses and I knew out of like, I don’t know, maybe it’s ’cause I was just like, waited. I don’t know. I was just like older at the time. I don’t know. Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: I just knew at that point.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

“Your Mud Has Purpose”: An Intuitive Message for Listeners

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. I know we’re, we’re getting over in time, but I know you wanna, do you wanna

Beth Hoffberg: do a couple?

Yeah, let’s do a couple like, uh, Oracle cards or something just from like maybe, um, especially with the new year, maybe some intentions for the listeners too.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, so this deck that I’m gonna start with is the, uh, just a cosmic guidance deck. And the kind of intent around it is opening yourself to guidance from the universe.

Okay. So we’ll just see what there’s guidance for anyone listening and they can take it if they want to or not. Just like a little message. Okay. A card just came flying out. Okay. So this is what it looks like if, if you’re watching on YouTube. So it says gratitude, appreciate present blessings. Oh, I like that.

So just finding like some gratitude practices. I think that’s really helpful, especially in this time that we’re in right now, where things can be really scary and it can be hard to see, like sometimes the positive without being toxically positive. Right. Which is finding something to be grateful for in the moment we see if there’s another, another card.

Another message. Okay. We’re gonna switch to a different deck. I won’t use tarot for this just because it’ll take us a little longer, but we’ll do another one of like, um, this is my bloom deck. What’s a way that you might need to grow or could, or an area that you really can grow and have success in 2026?

Christa Innis: Will this like speak to me ’cause I’m right in front of you? Or is it just like anybody listening?

Beth Hoffberg: It’ll be you and anyone that’s listening, but yeah, your energy will be like the most prominent ’cause it’s your podcast.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Beth Hoffberg: Okay, so we got Lotus. Ooh. Your mud has purpose, your mud has purpose. What does that means?

So like when you’re stuck in the mud, there’s a reason I feel like this kind of goes back to some of the stories that we were listening, like when it just feels like there’s like all these blocks, there’s a reason it’s telling you something. So maybe you have to learn how to get yourself out of the mud.

Or maybe the mud is trying to slow you down because you’re trying to move too fast to get to somewhere else. Or sometimes the mud is to show you the places where you, you know, the, like people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Like maybe you got mud on you that you gotta clean off before you’re judging other people.

So there could be lots of different reasons, but like your mud has a purpose and mud also has nutrients in it. You have to, if you actually wanna grow in your plant, you gotta be put in the dirt.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Beth Hoffberg: So that’s also, there’s purpose to that so that you can actually bloom. And then the lotus is a symbol there, so.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Beth Hoffberg: Well, just a couple messages for, I

Christa Innis: like that.

Beth Hoffberg: Right.

Christa Innis: I love that kind of stuff. I love getting, doing that like internal work of like understanding myself better. And I love the one you said about, um, gratitude in your presence. Is that what it said?

Beth Hoffberg: Mm-hmm. Appreciate present blessings. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Because I think too, we’re so quick to, um, look ahead and not the way, not in like a bad way, but we’re just like planning, constantly planning or like, okay, when will this pass? Or, okay, what do I need to do next? And I feel like at least speaking for myself, it’s so hard to just sit in the present. Mm-hmm.

And like. Just enjoy the moment you’re in at this moment. Um, I, I get like, not anxiety, but I’m always like thinking of like, what’s the next thing? Okay. How am I gonna do this? Mm-hmm. Okay. I only have 30 minutes till this. Okay, I gotta do this. And it’s just like. Turn off the, like, you know, electronics, whatever, and just be present in this moment and just enjoy it.

Um, because I remember even as a kid, like, I’d be like, oh, I only have like an hour until this, or like, and it was just kind of like I, or if you’re, if you’re like in, even in my like happiest moments where I’m surrounded by like friends and family, I’m still, I’m like thinking about like. What’s the next thing?

So that’s like a good reminder.

Beth Hoffberg: It’s making me wonder if you ever were to take StrengthsFinder, I feel like maybe you have like achiever where there’s the positive is you are achieving and there’s, you’re striving for things. You’re good at executing on things, but then you can get like achiever, burnout and you’re constantly having to achieve and you only feel good if you are achieving or you feel like you’re never achieving enough.

Or as soon as you achieve, you’re already onto the next thing and forgetting to like celebrate your success.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, and it’s actually, as you were talking about, it’s making me realize, so I had made my 2026 Bingo card. Did, have you ever made a bingo card for this? No. For yourself. Like, like

Christa Innis: checklist almost.

Beth Hoffberg: So instead of it being like a checklist, it that, you know, if you were to play bingo, you don’t have to clear the whole card to win. Right. It’s like you just gotta get five in a row in any way.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, and so I put things on there that I was like, if I get. Five in a row. That would be amazing. I put like bigger things on there, not things that I was like, I have to do all these things.

It just feels more like just put it out there in like almost wishes. Yes. And then like, will I be, will I get this? And one of the things I had put on my card was to be on a podcast. Oh, there you go. And I can check it. This is my first, yes, this is my first one. So it’s a reminder for me to be like, okay, I should actually like take a moment and be like, wow, I’ve already gotten one of my squares.

And I’ll appreciate that little blessing. So

Christa Innis: yes. And like, so get in too because I think yeah, we’re all so quick to like look ahead to the next thing and like, not really like look around us and be like really like feel out the senses of like, I’m doing it or like this is happening.

Beth Hoffberg: Happening. Exactly.

Yeah. We gotta celebrate our wins.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Is that, that test you were talking about, is that kinda like the Enneagram. Like similar,

Beth Hoffberg: similar but even more in depth and more backed by a lot more global research.

Christa Innis: Okay. Um,

Beth Hoffberg: because

Christa Innis: I was gonna say, I literally, I can send

Beth Hoffberg: you the link.

Christa Innis: Yes, please do. Because I was gonna say, I literally just took the Enneagram, Enneagram the other day and I got achiever.

Beth Hoffberg: Oh yeah. So he

Christa Innis: said achiever. I was like, okay. Yeah, like that constant, I was like, I’m like A three, which is achiever and then a little two, which I can’t remember the two.

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah. Three wing. Two.

Christa Innis: Three wing two. Yeah. And so I was like, oh my God, I like read it. But yeah, I’m so prone to burnout. I go, go, go, go, go.

And then I like get so overwhelmed where I’m like, what’s up, what’s down? Like who am I? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, so yeah, that’s fun. That happens every like few months. Um, but yeah,

Beth Hoffberg: I understand.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It was so fun chatting with you. Thanks for having

Beth Hoffberg: me

Christa Innis: all sudden. Like most of the time I’m like, I could talk to you forever.

Um, I

Beth Hoffberg: would

Christa Innis: to Anytime you wanna back on,

Beth Hoffberg: I would love to.

Christa Innis: Can you just tell everyone where they can follow you for more updates? Anything fun you’re working on?

Beth Hoffberg: Yeah, so the best places TikTok @intuitivelybeth and I don’t have Facebook or Instagram, the accounts that are there, scam accounts.

Christa Innis: Oh.

Beth Hoffberg: Um, t uh, tarot readers oftentimes have people trying to copy them.

So also just to shout out if you are watching Tarot and TikTok, like a real reader will never reach out to you, like you’ll reach out to them. Um, so yeah. But, and then my website, stan.store/intuitivelybeth And that is a great place if you wanna work with me or come and get in contact with me.

Christa Innis: Awesome.