bridal regrets

A $16K Scam, a Shocking Threat, & Knowing Your Limits - with Kendra Matthies

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

They cried. They complained. They blamed everyone else. And then the check bounced.

This week’s wedding submission spirals into accusations, threats, and a bounced $16K check that leaves vendors stunned. Joined by Kendra Matthies, Christa dissects the chaos, calling out toxic wedding norms, contract misunderstandings, and entitlement disguised as innocence.

Then we dive into wedding confessions: maid of honor regrets, guest list battles, and the quiet urge to just elope. Buckle up, this one is totally WILD!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Step Back to Protect Health – The burnout no one talks about, and how constant entitlement can push vendors to their breaking point.
The $16K Wedding Scam – A venue hosts a full wedding… then the final check bounces and chaos erupts.
Cake on the Floor, Tears in the Room – Accusations fly after a cake mishap sparks emotional manipulation and blame.
“We Know the Owner” Energy – Why entitlement shows up loudest at weddings and small businesses feel it hardest.
Pastor Threats & Legal Pressure – A shocking twist involving church leadership and intimidation tactics.
Vendor Survival Tips – Kendra breaks down contracts, deposits, and protecting your business.
Elopement Temptation – Skipping the drama and choosing peace over performance.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My wedding is important to me, but I don’t expect it to be the most important thing in everyone else’s life.” – Christa Innis
“I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or not enough of a wife or a friend.” – Christa Innis
“Contracts exist because of people like this.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding was literally built on a lie.” – Christa Innis
“People love boundaries until they apply to them.” – Christa Innis
“At some point, this stops being ignorance and starts being entitlement.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to have a chronic illness to need to know your limits.” – Kendra Matthies
“Give an inch, they take a mile, every single time.” – Kendra Matthies
“If you signed the contract, that’s on you. Don’t blindly sign, consult.” – Kendra Matthies
“As a business owner, your pricing should protect you, not depend on tips.” – Kendra Matthies
“Stop expecting discounts from people you barely know.” – Kendra Matthies
“It is never worth it to put yourself in debt for a wedding.” – Kendra Matthies
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, and we’re not awake for all of them.” – Kendra Matthies

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a Michigan‑based bridal makeup artist, licensed esthetician, beauty educator, and social creator with over a million fans across social platforms. She’s built her career helping hundreds of brides glow on their big day and teaching other artists how to thrive in the beauty world, with real talk about technique, clients, and the sometimes brutal backstage truth of weddings and events.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Kendra.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, how’s it going?

Christa Innis: Good. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Kendra Matthies: It’s so great to be back. It does not feel like it’s been like what, a year since we filmed our last episode together, so I’m so excited. It’s been so cool to see how your podcast has grown.

I’ve loved watching everybody’s little interviews and everything. It’s been really entertaining, so it’s super cool to be back again.

Christa Innis: I know. I, I think the fun thing about it is just being able to connect to so many people. Like, I feel like if it weren’t for this podcast, like we would never have had like a sit down to like, talk like this or, yeah, it’s, it just makes it so fun and like forces me outta my shell too, because like, I feel like working from home, like I just like, I just have like a plan of like what I do and like a lot of times I don’t see a lot of people, so it’s a great, great way to connect.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, I won’t lie. This is the first time I’ve worn makeup in like a month beyond just like tinted SPF and some freaking mascara. I’m like, well, I better put on a face today because I’m filming an episode. So thank you for giving me a reason to get dolled up. Hey,

Christa Innis: anytime. No, you feel like people expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, like, oh, they expect me to have full face.

Kendra Matthies: So, yes, and I will say that it’s, if I’m doing makeup clients, I do try to put like a little bit more makeup on, but my day to day, I’m an esthetician. So I mean, my day to day is more like facial clients, eyebrows, lashes, things like that. And I feel like most of my clients are more regulars now where they’re coming every six to eight weeks, and I don’t think that they really care that I’m just wearing some tinted moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup clients, I think that it does. One, there is that level of professionalism. I feel, and this can be heavily debated too, like some people feel you don’t have to wear makeup as a professional makeup artist while you are doing work. But for me, I find that the very few times that I haven’t done that, I get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense, where it’s like, um, are you sure you’re gonna be able to do this? So I think being able to be like, I do know how to do makeup. Right. It’s a little bit more comforting to the person. Yeah. And a little bit more encouraging. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s probably, yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you’re hiring for someone for hair or for nails, you are looking at their hand and nails. Although I feel like whenever I get my nails done, like they’re probably just like so busy that like they are more worried about their client and less about their own. Yeah. Which makes sense for sure. So, so like we said, it’s been like a year since you’ve been on, so what’s like.

What’s been new for you? What have you kind of done over the last year that you’re like, I know you’ve been speaking at events I’ve been seeing and Yes. What’s kind of your big thing you’re working on or did the last year? So

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

Kendra Matthies: in the past year, it was a lot of traveling. I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch of different conferences. I taught a lot at different conferences around the country. Um, I did my first kind of like independent class where it wasn’t in relation to any of those, and that was really exciting. Um, but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim. I got to go to Orlando, Chicago, Denver, uh, yeah, kind of all over.

Christa Innis: Is it, is it all like. Students that go to your classes or can like anyone go to

Kendra Matthies: your class? So it is typically for the conferences and stuff, those are beauty professionals only. Okay. But people who are in cosmetology school, esthetician school, anything like that they can come to. But these ones, it is more of like just for the industry, but they’re very, very packed.

Um, so it’s definitely not like I’m feeling like I’m missing out on seeing a lot of people, which is really cool too. It definitely feels like I’m still offering a good amount of education. But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals when it comes to those types of things. I would love to do more open to the public type of classes.

Um, it’s just trying to find the time between bridal season to make that happen. Um. But yeah, so it definitely got to meet a lot of the beauty, uh, students, makeup artists, cosmetologists, hairstylists, barbers, all the things. Yeah. Uh, that follow me in person. So that was really nice. And I love doing these events.

Um, like the one that happens in Chicago. I’ve done that for, I think this is my fourth year being with them teaching. Um, and so it’s been cool to just see the growth of myself, but also when people come back and they’re taking my classes again, and now they’re telling me, you know, I, when I first came, I was still a student and now I own my own makeup studio, or I own my own salon, or I’ve been at a salon for however many years and I’m getting steady clientele.

Like, it’s just been really cool to do that. So that has been a big thing travel wise. And then just weddings. I mean, I was pretty busy this year. I did make the decision to. Kind of step back from taking every wedding. And mostly because I one was doing so much other traveling with teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability to do that, even though I did still have where I would be leaving a wedding to jump on a flight to go teach at these places. Right. Um, but I did take a step back typically in a year. You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to 60 ish weddings, but I just, that’s wild.

It’s a lot. And I made the decision last year to step back and I wanted to take only about 30 weddings just to give myself a little bit more time. Um, which I think was really smart. Uh, not just for me, but it let me learn a lot about myself and, uh. I think it was the really healthy thing for me to do and I think that it’s gonna be a good thing that I learned those things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man, like yeah, it’s so easy to get locked into the go, go, go. And once you do, take that step back, it’s like, whoa. I don’t, I guess I have been like in fight or flight for the past eight years because I’ve just been doing so many weddings. So I did make that decision. That’s something I’m moving forward with, um, in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too. I want to do more teaching this year. But yeah, so weddings last year I got to do my first couple, um, further out of state weddings, which was exciting. I got to go to New York to do a wedding. Um, so yeah, just lots. Travel was kind of the theme of last year. Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a really like common thing I hear, like, whether it’s like wedding industry or just like starting your own business. It’s like. It’s really exciting, like when your business grows and you just wanna say yes to everybody. And I’ve like, I feel like I’ve had so many conversations with people, they’re like, all of a sudden it just like hit me like I’m burned out.

I can’t say yes to everybody. I was talking to a wedding planner, I’m trying to think of what month it was, maybe like a month or two ago. A friend of mine and she was like, similar thing. Like she was like, I’m finally like toning it back, back with weddings a little bit because she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in that like wedding season. And she like, it’s just exhausting. But you’re just like, go, go, go. And you’re like, this is exciting, it’s fun. But then you realize like, I don’t have time to myself or like my body hurts. I’m actually like. Well, and

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Kendra Matthies: that’s the thing too. That’s something I really had to be mindful of.

I think I’ve shared this before, but I am somebody that I do struggle with chronic illnesses and I am physically disabled. I have my hip replaced. So I mean, I do feel like as I’m getting older, I do need to also be mindful of myself. Mm-hmm. Because there were times in recent years before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding. And actually, here’s a good little story for me to tell. I guess I had a wedding where it was at a hotel and I had a pretty decently long day on average. Nowadays, the most I will take alone to do makeup is probably about seven, maybe eight people, but probably closer to seven.

I don’t like to go over that too much because it’s just, that’s a lot of standing without being able to take a drink of water or go to the bathroom, things like that. Um, so I had, I wanna say around about eight people and I got done with the wedding. I had been there from like, I wanna say five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay. 12, one o’clock. Sorry. Math is not my strong suit at this moment. That’s okay. So let’s say I got done around like one, um, and I say goodbye to everybody. Everybody’s happy, everything’s awesome, and I knew I was not feeling well. Um, so one of the conditions I have, it’s called pots, which you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. For those who are listening who don’t know what that is. And in very, very, very basic terms, when I am standing, my heart rate is elevated. When I am in the heat, it gets elevated even more. That’s a trigger for me. Um, high stress situations can cause me to get like even worse.

So I get done with the, uh, wedding, take the elevator downstairs, uh, go out to my car and I put my stuff in my car. Sit down. I leaned back and I closed my eyes and I actually passed out. I didn’t realize that I did. Oh my gosh. But it was probably about, I would say, somewhere between like five to eight minutes before I like opened my eyes again.

And that’s when I realized that I needed to start calming down. I needed to start taking less weddings. So after that wedding that was, I wanna say in 24, leading into 25, I decided I just needed to really skill back. So I think that if it wouldn’t have been for something like that happening, I probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don’t have to have a chronic illness. You don’t have to be physically disabled, you don’t have to be anything to I. Need to know your limits, to need to know what your end goal really is. Do you want to constantly be in a state of stress with like panic all the time of planning or, um, you know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn’t be your life. Like, yeah, you should be able to have somewhat of a balance. And I did see somebody post something recently, like, does anyone know when I actually reach this work life balance? Like, is that even a thing? And I think that there’s no real set template of this is what works, this is what doesn’t work.

You kind of just have to figure it out as you go. And that’s kind of what I’ve had to do is just realize once I hit my limit, scale back until it feels. Comfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s so funny you say that because I, I just made a video talking about, I don’t know if it was necess, I might have been kind of like implying work-life balance, but I did say something about like, one of the things I’m struggling with is trying to find balance.

’cause I feel like mm-hmm. The planner part in me always wants things to be like this. And when I’m not productive I get so hard on myself. And so I’ll have like days where I’m like, everything’s like done, that I need to, I check the boxes. And the other days where I’m just not productive and I’m just like, where’s this balance?

Or like, I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or I’m not enough of a wife or a friend. You know, that pull of like needing to do all these things. So I totally relate.

Kendra Matthies: I think that one thing that I heard in my life. From just a friend of mine, and I don’t even think she was trying to be any sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking. She said that if I’m ever over excelling in one portion of my life, I’m failing in another. Mm-hmm. And that has really stuck with me. And I don’t think that that’s negative, like necessarily a negative thing. I think that if you think of your life as right now, I want to be really excelling in my career, you have to also understand that that does equate that maybe you’re.

Weekends are a little bit less, your friend time is gonna be a little bit less, and it’s not ever to me that things will ever be 50 50 balance. I think that if you want to be excelling in one way, you have to give up a couple of things for it to be balanced so that you’re not trying to keep up with the friendships every single weekend we’re going out.

It’s just not possible. And then you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself when at the end of the day, especially in this type of career, when your own, you are your own boss, you’re setting your own goals and aspirations and things like that. The only person who is holding you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on yourself with things like that, you’re never gonna feel balanced. You’re never gonna feel like you’re accomplishing enough and you’re never gonna feel like you. You’ve done it, you’ve ne you’re never gonna feel comfortable. You’re never gonna feel stable. You’re always gonna be reaching for more or wanting to do more.

And it’s not bad to have goals and have aspirations, but you can’t, you can’t stress to yourself out to the point that you are holding yourself to not possible standards like it, it physically can’t happen. There’s 24 hours in a day. People love to say that. Mm-hmm. We’re not awake and going for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a person, whether you are just a person, person, whether you’re a business owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist, whatever, the balance doesn’t come 50 50. It’s how can I rearrange things in my life to feel like what I’m wanting to focus on right now? Is what I’m focusing on and I’m not stressing about trying to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm. I hope that makes sense.

Christa Innis: No, it totally does. No, I love that because it’s kinda like different seasons require different balances and different priorities. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, you made a good point. It was like last year was my first full year, I would say, as an entrepreneur. I started in 2023 of my own business, but last year with like the social media consulting and all that stuff.

And so I think I put like so much effort in it, but it was also my daughter’s second year of life. She’s like, I’m trying to think of like how the year’s worth Yeah. Versus birthdays so second year of life. So I’m like, oh, it’s such an important stage. And then there’s the mom guilt and so you like push it back and forth.

But I’m like, I also have the benefit of being home with her. So I do get to be home with her more than I think most working moms get to. So I kind have to remember like that’s, that’s a something that I get that, or what’s the word I’m looking for? That’s a. A privilege or an like, something that I have that not a lot of people are able to do.

So, um, so, you know, just kind of realizing those things and, and stepping outside of it is like, is important. So yeah. I feel like that was like a mini therapy session. Thank you.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. You’re welcome. Most of that comes to you via my therapist. Thank you Theresa. We love you. Thank you. Yes.

Christa Innis: I always hear things like that.

I’m like, maybe I should go back to therapy. I’m like, just so I have someone like talk to you about things like that. ’cause it’s like, no,

Kendra Matthies: I think everybody needs a therapist. I think everybody should go to therapy. Even if you don’t feel like you are struggling with something right now. Even if it’s not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean? I don’t think that, I don’t think that you will ever not benefit from having somebody to talk to that’s not biased, that can help you work through situations. Even if it’s just that you’re going through a hard time at work or. Kind of what we’re talking about. Like maybe you are struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn’t say when you’re struggling with those things, most people in your life are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy. Right. But I do think that if you are in therapy while you’re going through those things in your life, you’re gonna benefit from it. You’re never gonna be like, why did I even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always benefit from therapy. Oh,

Christa Innis: for sure. Yeah. I think it’s like one of those things where it’s just good to sometimes like say it out loud. Yeah. Because I even like the people that submit stories to me too, like these like wedding drama stories or relationship things. They, they always tell me at the end, or should say like a lot of times at the end they’re like, even if you don’t use this, it was really good for me just to like type it out.

’cause they’re like, it allowed me to like see what happened and understand how I feel about it. ’cause I think so many times, like we’re talking about is like, go, go, go. What the heck just happened? Oh, well next problem. You know, you kind of just push it aside. So I think it’s absolutely so beneficial. And I think therapy too is way less stigmatized than it was like when we were like children maybe.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely gone to therapy multiple times in my life at like different points where like stress was super high or something was going on. But it’s funny, I’ve told someone this also in this one before, probably not on the podcast, but um, the last therapist I had, um, I loved her. She was great, but she like dismissed me at the end.

She’s like, all right, I think we solved the problem. We’re gonna be done now. And then, like she just said, I was done. And I remember telling my boss at the time, ’cause he’s really like, open about therapy and mental health. Yeah. It’s like, oh, I’ve never had that happen before. And I was like, I, that I’ve never had that happen to me either.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I’ve, I’ve gone to therapy for the past. I wanna say that I started therapy in 2020 and I’ve been seeing the same therapist since then. And I’ve taken breaks, you know, when. I got off my parents’ insurance or whatever and I, well I can’t afford it right now. I gotta pay for that. Um, yeah. And then gotten back on with her and yeah, there’s never been a time even when I felt like I was doing well and the therapy was more of just like a moment for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Um. Where she’s been like, alright, great. The only thing I would say that she ever says is, do you feel like we still need to meet monthly? Or would you wanna maybe push it out to two months? That makes sense to me. But to be like, well, we solved the problem. I don’t think that therapy always needs to be, and I’m not saying that it’s never this way, but I don’t think that it always needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life. Things keep happening. Who’s to say that She didn’t say? Um, you know, we solved the problem. That’s it. And then a week later you have some major tragedy happen in your life and you have nobody to talk to.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I mean, you have friends, you have family, but you don’t have an unbiased person who knows how you think, knows how you processes things.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of odd. I’m sorry you

Christa Innis: had that experience. Oh yeah. It was so odd. I was just like, at the time I was like, oh, cool. And then later I was like, wait, is that supposed to happen? I don’t know. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe I need therapy to talk about that therapy.

Kendra Matthies: You’re like, actually,

Christa Innis: actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

Um, oh, there’s no topic. Whatever. We’re, we’re talking

Kendra Matthies: we’re yapping. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Back to pause really quick. I just have a quick question about that. So like, yeah, what was your first, like symptoms you just noticed like your heart rate would kind of increase

Kendra Matthies: a long time? So I have a little bit of an odd story kind of when it comes to my health in general.

Um, so I have always really struggled with, like, exercise was always really difficult for me and not in the sense of like, I don’t wanna do it, but it would be like, I don’t want to do it as a child and like I’m running, playing basketball and I’m great at sports and I’m awesome at like these things at a young age, but.

I’m having to like ask to get taken out to take a break and I’m like beat red and blood pooling in my legs and all that. Yeah. I really noticed it amping up after I had my hip replaced. Um, and I’ve, POTS is one of a few things that I deal with, but I mean, I was on, or not even my hip replace, I have had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental one to see if we could kind of push off the replacement so that I wouldn’t have to get multiple throughout my life. Um, but it only gave me like four-ish years of relief. Yeah. Um, so after that surgery I was still on the crutches from that surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing. I was at work. I’m gonna pause for a second ’cause my neighbor’s coming downstairs. No, you’re good. We’ll edit this out. Yeah.

Okay. So, um,

okay. So I had had my first hip surgery and I actually passed out at work, like smacked my head off of a counter. It was a whole thing. Paramedics had to come. It was not great. Um, but then I was noticing like it was just happening a lot more and. Mostly it was like starting to amp up. The more I was like stressed because I found out now for me, stress and the heat are like my biggest triggers when it comes to pot, my pots.

Um, and so I had a family member pass away and I had to sing at their funeral. And I don’t even remember the last like verse that I’m singing. Thank God I said the words correctly. Um, but I sang that stepped back. I was up in the balcony, so thankfully I wasn’t also in front of everybody. But I like stepped back, looked over to a family friend and was like, I’m gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine. Um, and then after my second surgery, my hip replacement, that’s when a lot of my other chronic illnesses started. Um, I also have a condition called mast cell activation syndrome, which. Basically for me, your mast cells are the cells that kind of check out foreign invaders, like things coming into the body and they go, we good or not good?

I’m not a medical professional, so if I’m saying this wrong, but I do know that they are the reason that histamine is put out. And so for me, my mast cells are kind of always activated, hence mast cell activation syndrome. Um, but what that means for me is I’ve developed a lot of allergies, um, and I can like develop new ones to random things and that might be just, I’m itchy, but it’s also like I go anaphylactic.

So I have to be, I’ve had a whole life shift because of all of that. Um, but because of my mast cell activation syndrome and um, pots. If one of them gets mad, the other one gets mad. So I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve, I mean, I’ve passed out quite a bit and not everyone with POTS will, that’s kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand up and instantly pass out. That’s not typically the case. Like some people will, but it’s more of like a constant state of feeling, um, like out of it, I guess. Like brain fog is massive with pots. Um, I, it’s, it affects your entire autonomic nervous system. So that’s like breathing, that’s like digestion.

That’s your heart rate, your temperature control, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s affected me in a lot of ways, which is again, when I started realizing like, okay, this is affecting me when I’m taking too many weddings. That’s, I really need to step back, but. Definitely it was like heart racing. Um, I wear a device that’s called a visible armband.

I’m not wearing it today because I’m sitting, but it basically will show me second by second what’s going on with my heart rate and alert me if I’ve been in the red zone for too long, if I am, you know, more opt to, uh, need to take a break or anything like that. So, mm-hmm. I wear that now. But, uh, yeah, it, it’s not fun.

It’s definitely been one of the most debilitating things for me. Um, and I think that. It’s something that I wanna talk more about. So I’m glad that we get to talk about it here because we don’t, we don’t really get to see much representation of people that are entrepreneurs that are also dealing with things like this, or business owners that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it’s kind of stereotypical that it’s more like you’re a boss, babe, and you’re just go, go, go. Awesome. And what people don’t see with people like me who are chronically ill or whatever are, you know, the days that, I mean, I’ve even had here, this is, I’m at my store right now, but I’ve even had here where between clients I know I’ve got 20 minutes, I am not doing well, and I’m taking my emergency meds, I’m laying on the floor with my feet elevated for 15 minutes and then quick getting back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients. I’m just having to take breaks. So, yeah. That was a really long thing,

Christa Innis: but No, no, but that’s good. Like you said, it’s something that I think all people can learn more about and I think be able to see like the behind the curtain kind of thing because Yeah. Um, it’s, it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and so that’s why I was like really curious about like your first symptoms and then kind of how you handle it now when you know it’s like coming on or, you know, feeling a certain type.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, it’s hard too because the handling it thing isn’t really like, it’s one of those conditions that there’s a huge. Spectrum. You could be somebody with pots and if you’re listening to this now and you have pots that this is the case, please comment below because I want people to feel not alone, but you could be somebody with pots that you are on disability, you can’t get out of bed, you’re having people coming to your house, giving you IV infusions at home because you physically can’t stand.

Mm-hmm. It can be that severe. And then there’s people like me that are kind of somewhere in the middle, like in wedding season, which unfortunately for me is when here is obviously like summer fall, when it’s warmer. So I’m getting like at least monthly infusions, but people aren’t seeing that. I’m not showing that, oh, come with me to get my iv.

Right. Um, and then constantly taking salt pills so that my blood pressure stays somewhat level. Um, making sure that I’m like actually forcing myself to take. Drinks and stuff like that, working that time into my client’s timelines, things like that. Um, there’s this huge spectrum of pots and I think that it’s becoming more well known, which I’m really happy about, but I think that people aren’t seeing enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit like, oh, well if you have pots, why aren’t you just on disability? It’s not easy to do that. It’s not easy to, yeah. You know, so thank you for letting me talk about that. I’m really happy that I got to share that with people.

Christa Innis: No, of course. Yeah, and you make a good point too, about, I think like in general, when someone hear about a disability or an autoimmune, they’ll, they’ll relate to one person they know and they don’t realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe symptoms all the time, like you said, and some maybe internally battling every single day. And some might have some, uh, some smaller symptoms or, you know. Yeah. And so I think it’s important to see that there’s a wide span and to just, you know, give grace to people and kind understand it kind of, every situation might be a little bit different as well.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Thank you for sharing that. No, I, I was curious ’cause uh, I, I didn’t really know much about it.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. Yes.

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

Christa Innis: Um, okay. So let’s get into some of the. Wedding hot takes before we get to the story. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Started a new thing since last time, because I don’t think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag? Mm. So you’re just gonna, I’m gonna say a sentence and then you’ll just say if it’s a red flag or a green flag.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Replacing a bridesmaid close to the wedding,

Kendra Matthies: that’s a hard one though, because I guess I know I should, I know you wanna answer a red flag, green flag. It really depends on the situation though. I know, I know. That’s a hard one. So, as a vendor, I would say maybe it’s red flag for planning purposes and like scheduling purposes, depending on how close, like if it’s the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like jarring, but I don’t wanna say it’s a full red flag because. If that person in your bridal party was going to be chaotic or causing you tons of stress, or maybe there’s been a massive falling out green flag, please don’t have them there. I don’t wanna have to be around that either.

I don’t wanna be set in in that stressful situation and I don’t want my client in that stressful situation. So, man, that’s a hard one. I would say that really depends, but I’m leaning, I guess, more towards green.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these scenarios, there’s so much, like so many details that could change it.

Yeah. It’s like everyone’s perspective and Yeah. Um, okay. Expecting attendance and every pre-wedding event. Say that again? Expecting attendance at every pre-wedding event. So the brides like you have to come to the engagement party, the shower, all that.

Kendra Matthies: No, that’s a red flag to me. You can’t expect everyone to be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose the plot on a lot when they’re brides is thinking that. I think when you’re a bride, that is the most important thing to you. That’s what the majority of your planning is going towards for at least a year in most cases. Um, so to you, that’s like end goal, most important thing.

That’s, think of the times that you’ve been in a wedding though. Maybe if it’s like your best, best friend, but like life goes on, you have other things going on. Maybe your, maybe somebody in your bridal party or an attendant or something. Maybe they have somebody else getting married. They can’t come. Like you can’t expect people to just always, always be there.

Is it nice? Yes. But I would never hold it against somebody if they couldn’t come to something. I mean, I had people RSVP yes to my wedding. I had a very small wedding. We had like 50 people. Mm-hmm. And I had people very close to me. RSVP. Yes. And they couldn’t come because of X, Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m never talking to that person again. I can’t believe they wouldn’t come. Like that’s, that’s a little bit of a red flag to me.

Christa Innis: I know. It always gets lost on me when they’re like, you must attend every single thing. My wedding’s the priority and I’m like, I realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is the, like, yeah, it’s important to me, but like I don’t expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else or anybody else for that matter. No. Yeah. I mean, that’s crazy. Like I have friends that couldn’t come to the Bachelorette or the shower and I was like, right, your family, your health, your whatever you’re going through goes, it’s first.

Exactly. We’ll, we will live. Um, okay. Um, cash bars, red or green cash

Kendra Matthies: bars. Um. Yeah, I haven’t really been to a wedding where that’s been the case. So Cash Bar explained to me, just to make sure I’m understanding, that’s where you’re like paying to add alcohol? Yeah, there’s

Christa Innis: just, yeah, they don’t, they probably don’t provide any drinks.

I’ve never been to a full cash bar either. Usually at least there’s or something. But yeah, it’s just like there’s no drinks provided. I would say, um,

Kendra Matthies: I would say that’s a little bit of a red flag if it’s fully a cash bar. Like if you’re not providing like any sort of refreshments, like that would kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something for somebody to drink. Um, but if it’s cash bar. Just for, I guess that’s also a little bit hard though. Like my family doesn’t really drink, so it would be like, we had nothing at my wedding. So I don’t know. I, I think that that kind of just depends on the person. I think that if your family is somebody that you are people that you know are gonna drink, um, and you know that maybe you can’t provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set drink or something that is free or included with the wedding, and then maybe if there’s something like extra that somebody wants, like Right. I don’t know. Yeah, I would, I’ve just not been to something like that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like if they’re, yeah, if they’re not providing anything, like no kind of refreshment, I’m talking like even non-alcoholic.

Yeah. So if they’re not providing anything and expecting nice people to come, then sure. That’s a little bit of a red flag If they expect everybody to like pay for food and drinks once they’re there. Right. But if it’s like, oh, we’re just talking like. Your aunt prefers like this really fancy vodka, then Yeah, I think it’s a red flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Kendra Matthies: I totally agree. That’s exactly what I think. Board.

Christa Innis: Right, right. Doesn’t need to be an open bar or anything. Um, okay, last one. Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Kendra Matthies: Oof. To me girl, that’s gonna be a red flag. That is like, unless the only time I can ever see it be okay is one, it’s the couple announcing that they’re pregnant.

Like obviously, or if it’s been super well discussed and maybe the couple has asked for this to happen there otherwise.

Christa Innis: Die.

Kendra Matthies: That’s, yes. So I probably wouldn’t do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s crazy To me, that’s

Christa Innis: like one of those things I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started getting story submissions.

Yeah. And the amount of times where it’s like someone wants to announce someone else’s pregnancy at the wedding, like once where I read was like the, um, mother-in-law wanted to announce the younger brothers. His girlfriends. Oh, I think I saw

Kendra Matthies: your story about that. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that was one. And then there was another one like last year that was like kind of similar where the couple, well they asked the couple and the couple said no, and they mom Oh, then media red

Kendra Matthies: flag.

Yeah. Yeah. The mom

Christa Innis: was still bringing in like a, the, the box to like surprise everybody with, and then still did like a mini celebration of the table even after they said, no.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild. To me. That is up, that’s up there with like, if somebody is getting married and they’re like, Hey, photographer, my husband and I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement photos at this person’s wedding? Yes. Like it’s that level to me where it’s just a common courtesy thing to like not do that. Mm-hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t, even if I was at somebody’s like. They just graduated college. We’re having this really fun party. I wouldn’t be like, Hey guys, by the way, like, make this about me.

Like there’s moments in life where it’s not about you. Yeah. I think that’s a big thing to remember is sometimes it’s not your turn. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s this person’s turn, it’s their moment to shine. And unless they are super, like, please, I want you to

Christa Innis: just let them shine.

Kendra Matthies: It’s just, it’s just rude.

It’s just rude.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t need to always turn it back to us. Right,

Kendra Matthies: right.

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. I’m gonna do a couple of, would you rathers and then we’ll get into our story. Okay. These are like more like makeup kind of, um, focus. Okay. Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Kendra Matthies: Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00 AM I don’t like feeling rushed. I hate it. It makes me so stressed and anxious and my luck. I’m gonna like, think that I’m putting it on good and then I get out and I’m looking like the joker. Like I just, no, I would rather start earlier.

Christa Innis: My gosh. Totally. I hate, like, I, I think I said this before, but like I, when I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt like they put me at the earliest slot.

’cause they’re like, oh, we know you wake up early. That was also Preki. Um, they’re like, we know you wake up early. So I’d be like in my chair, like half asleep. But I did like just being done and then I could just like hang out with everybody. Yeah. I didn’t have to rush or worry. Like, ’cause sometimes being some of the later ones, you’re like, are we gonna have time?

Or you’re like, oh, a

Kendra Matthies: hundred percent. Yeah. And for me too, like what I like to do personally to avoid that. And if you’re a makeup artist listening, I always, let’s say they tell me they need to be done by three, we’re gonna be done by two. Like I wanna give that little bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional gift that somebody was given and like they completely like, like, I wanna have time for things. People get stuck in traffic, things happen. So always give yourself a little bit of extra time. And for any brides or somebody that’s getting married, that’s listening, just because when you are getting ready on the every day, it might take you an hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time is, its whole different. Thing like it is so different. You might be thinking, wow, my makeup artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We don’t have to be done till three. That’s crazy. And then when you’re getting done, you’re like, how has the day flown by? How have we, like where did that go?

That’s what I hear 99% of the time at weddings. It is just like, whoa. That day went by so fast. Like, ah. So always give yourself a little extra time that you think, I know it’s,

Christa Innis: you don’t think of like the random person popping in to say hello and like, yes, you step by or setting up food for your brides.

You know? You just don’t think those little things. You don’t think about it running to the bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room. Like Exactly. There’s always something. So

Kendra Matthies: something. Yes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, would you rather a bridesmaid hate her makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

Kendra Matthies: Um, would I rather bridesmaid hate their makeup or when you say refuse their look and do their own, like, they just are like, I don’t want you to do my makeup.

Don’t want,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I’d rather them do their own. Like if they’re gonna hate it the way that I do it, you don’t need me to do it. Like, if you’re good at what you’re gonna do and you’re already happy with how you do your makeup, don’t feel like you have to get your makeup done. I don’t, I would rather that, because that just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup done is gonna go into it knowing that they’re gonna hate it probably. Or just I know my features better. I’ve never liked my makeup done by somebody else. They’re gonna go into it that way. The makeup artist is gonna be thinking of all the ways that they can try to make that not happen and make the person happy just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah. If you know you’re somebody that you just don’t like getting your makeup done by somebody else. Just do it yourself, even if you are the bride, the groom, whoever. Like just do it yourself. It doesn’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. I feel like if you’re like super picky, like you need to just do it yourself if you know what you’re doing.

Um, yeah, know yourself in those moments. ’cause like I’m, when I’m a bridesmaid, I love getting my makeup done. I like, I, I just trust the makeup artist. I’m like, you know what you’re doing. And, but I have friends that like, they’re just very particular and they’re just good at their own makeup and they do it.

And like about knowing yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. For myself, like I did my own makeup on my wedding day and that was because I enjoy the process of putting makeup on. I enjoy like doing it myself. But if I were somebody that didn’t enjoy that and you’re like, man, every time I do my makeup, I hate it. Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even if it’s like, I can’t afford a makeup artist. Maybe you have a really talented friend or something that does makeup really well, it’s okay to do that too. You don’t have to. But on the flip, don’t think like we’re saying that you have to have a makeup artist. If you’re like, I’m good at what I do.

It’s not a necessity. You don’t need a makeup artist to get married. You need a officiant, you need a venue, you need a wedding dress. Those are needs, this is wants and luxuries. You don’t have to have it.

Christa Innis: Right, totally. Um, would you rather one bridesmaid be 45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be overly controlling about the schedule?

Kendra Matthies: I would definitely have somebody that’s maybe a little bit more controlling about the schedule because. I’d rather have somebody that’s on me about the times and whatnot versus somebody who is just so nonchalant than I am anxious, everything’s running behind. I’m probably gonna get blamed for the fact that things are behind, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’d rather have somebody way more on me about the time, because me personally like I am. So it might not seem it if you’re any of my clients watching this now, but in that moment, I mean, what I do, and this is a little tip too, for makeup artists, for weddings, like I set my schedule. Uh, as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay. And I’m, every couple little bit, I’m clicking it to see, to make sure that I’m good and to somebody, it just looks like I’m checking the time, but I’m really like seeing how I’m doing on time. So shoot, if somebody wants to be the little voice in my head that’s already happening when I’m doing this, like, sure, I’d rather have that than somebody be late.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that because yeah, it’s like when bridesmaid be a little late, but they don’t always realize how much that could push back everybody else. Especially like, what if it’s a wedding where there’s only three or four bridesmaids than you’re kind of reshuffling everybody. But it’s good to, it’s good to have that schedule.

Like when I’m, when I’ve been hired for like Day of Coordinators, I’m like on it, I’m, I’m the same as you. I’m like checking. I’m like, okay, all right. Where’s our next bridesmaid? You’re on deck when she’s done, you’re swapping like,

Kendra Matthies: because again, it goes back to the whole thing. That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different than an everyday type of thing. You have to be so scheduled because yeah, one little thing can really throw off a whole day. And I’ve had it in the past where I had a bridesmaid be super late and it almost made it to where I couldn’t do the grandma’s makeup. Like the grandma would’ve just not had makeup.

I made it work. Yeah, bride not happy with me because of the delay, but I made it work because I’m not gonna let somebody’s grandma not have makeup. That’s crazy. That would make me sad. So, yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s so easy to throw off an entire day without even realizing it because 45 minutes, me, I block out an hour for makeup.

Um, but that’s including like cleaning in between time for me to like, you know, take a drink or whatever. So it’s really more 45 minutes. So if you think about it, if you’re 45 minutes late, you’re pushing the day, a whole appointment slot back, like that is a lot of time.

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point.

All right. Let’s just get into today’s story because they always, you always end up being a little bit longer than I think. So let’s just get into it. Okay. Um, and feel free to stop me or pause anytime if you, likewise, we just back the note. As we go. All right. I was the Maître d’ for all types of events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat priced buffet with no alcohol for gospel groups, prayer gathering. They danced, sing, and filled the room with joy. The staff loved watching and listening to them, and we never had a single issue. We genuinely looked forward to their visit. One of the young women from the group decided she wanted her wedding there on a Sunday afternoon with the group present.

Um, I walked her through everything, the theme menu, colors, ceremony, flow, flowers, readings, dances, bar options, extra servers, sleeping arrangements for the newlyweds, backup. Well, this is a lot. Um, backup plans for the bad weather and even contingency plans for family issues. Okay, they got it all. We had the, yeah, we had the space for six hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically use the room for only two to two, and then for only two to two and a half hours on the regular Sundays. So I’m thinking they wanted to rent, they wanted them to sing at her wedding is what I’m guessing some, yeah. It’s

Kendra Matthies: sounding like she wants ’em to be very involved with the day.

Yeah. She, because it says they want the guests present that are normally there on Sundays.

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay. Okay. So she wants them to be there. Okay. They were allowed joyful and energetic, but never obnoxious. Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe. Yeah. The first deposit to hold the date and the the first deposit to hold the date and room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months, the bride and groom agreed to every recommendation we made. Used all our preferred vendors, and sometimes even brought me homemade baked goods. We clicked really well. The only request they made beyond my cake recommendation was an extra tier and specific symbol to honor their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at no additional charge. That’s nice. Yeah. That’s really nice. Um, as the second deposit approach, they continued adding upgrades and RSVPs were higher than expected. We needed additional servers, more food, extra tables, and more rentals overall. They also decided to move the wedding up by three weeks to the earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh. Oh. How, I’m wondering how like, how late into the planning this was because Yeah, that’s a pretty big shift. Yeah. And like schedules adding people. Okay. Okay. She said that wasn’t an issue, but it did mean we couldn’t get the exact same linen colors in time and they needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second deposit due date the same as the original planned and not move it up. Two weeks before the wedding, I checked in again. Everything was fully planned and it was a lot. I heard nothing back three days before the wedding. I left messages for the couple and both mothers while also confirming flowers, linens, staff, transportation, and final details the following afternoon Friday.

So they didn’t, they still haven’t heard from them. Oh my gosh. That’s, I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: it’s okay. We are like crunch time and we’ve not heard anything. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Christa Innis: I’m locked in. I know. I’m always like, what do you do at that point where you’re constantly like calling them, emailing them, nothing? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the bride’s uncle arrived with a check covering the remaining balance. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but at that point we proceeded. Wasn’t thrilled that the uncle came or that they were like.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. ’cause I mean that payment probably would be late, I would imagine. I feel like most things don’t take payments that close.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because we’re talking, she doesn’t say when the date was, but she’s saying all of a sudden before the wedding, they still hadn’t paid, they didn’t hear anything back.

Kendra Matthies: Well, then we’re at three days before the wedding. Yeah. So we’re like close. Close. So I can see where they’re stressed. Like you’re not talking to us and it’s not you that’s bringing in the final check.

It’s some random relative, like Yeah, you never called back. Were they involved? Yeah. Were they involved with this relative before? Is this person just showing up like Yeah, I’d probably be a little frustrated as well.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering like for venues. If you don’t get that second deposit, I’m sure they have a right to either add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because they’re holding all, I mean, maybe they end up losing money then, but, ’cause I’m like, where’s like the, the stickler for you have to pay us this day, or Yeah. Something happens, we lose this. You can’t have this amenity or, you know, something like that.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, the wedding began at noon just as their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful. While photos were being taken, I showed the mother of the bride the reception room. So it’s weird. Everything’s just like going as normal even though they Yeah. We’re just like

Kendra Matthies: going forward. Even though nobody was confirming anything. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

Christa Innis: Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing apart the reception room. The linen colors were wrong. The tables were too far from the windows where a large buffet had been set up overlooking the golf course. The dance floor was too large. Even though most guests danced at their tables, the cake was missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she’s saying it wasn’t. These are all the things that the mother Earth bride was saying. Okay. And it was crooked. It wasn’t, the lighting was too dim and felt solemn. The servers were dressed too formally. One server hunched too much. She didn’t like my dress. She’s

Kendra Matthies: talking to the, your server has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain things, and we’ll hear more of the story. I understand. Okay. You don’t, what if that person has a back issue? You dunno. Why are we going after the servers themselves? Like, that’s kind of crazy to me. It’s wild. That’s wild. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. You don’t know anything about this person. Yeah.

What in the world make that comment? Like, they’re doing their jobs, aren’t they? They’re, they’re like helping. Right. Like, oh my God. And then then to say she didn’t like her dress, the person doing it, she’s saying she didn’t like my dress. It clashed. So the person that sent in this email that runs these letters?

Yeah. Can you imagine? I’d be like, okay. Like, sorry. Right.

Kendra Matthies: That’s what I chose to wear. That’s wild. Okay. Bizarre.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The flowers were too sparse. Uh, too sparse. She, there were too many ribbons. She was irate. I was completely dumbfounded. And that’s a problem too. Well, I mean it’s, there’s so many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has some power coming in. It’s like she’s not the client. Yeah. But it weird that she, they just stopped hearing from the bride and groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Kendra Matthies: Right. And it’s weird to me too, that, I mean, weddings that I’ve been to my wedding, we very much discussed like what the layout was going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, like, we did let them know that the linens wouldn’t be able to be the same because of whatever. So they were aware of that. Maybe this mom isn’t aware of the change. Okay. But also what, who are, who are you? Like, I get you’re the mom, but you’re also like not the deciding factor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it was something where. The mom wasn’t as involved as she wanted to be or something.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it sounds like, like the person that wrote this, I always say it’s a little biased ’cause she’s the one that sent it to us. Right. So I’m like hearing her perspective, but I’m like, sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

She’s done all these weddings and events before. Right. So I’m sure they’re following the contract, following the plan. The mom’s, she’s like, I don’t like this. This is not what I envisioned. Or she’s embarrassed because she wants her family to see something different. Or I,

Kendra Matthies: that’s just so, it’s so silly to me too because let’s say all of these things are the genuine, like the bride comes in and ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been? You haven’t like been communicating with us to like even know, maybe the original discussion was that there were gonna be this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion was that the flowers were gonna be how they’re gonna be if you’re not having. ’cause it’s sounding to me like the venue is providing most, if not all of the setup.

Mm-hmm. So it’s not like they’re having to coordinate multiple different vendors. It’s sounding like it is the venue that’s doing this. So how that communication between the couple and the venue itself got so lax. Mm-hmm. It is strange to me, like, yeah. Okay. I just, I need to

Christa Innis: hear more. I need to Very on.

Okay. It says she stormed off and I went back to business as usual. This was a $16,000 wedding. Absolutely. All out. That seems low to me, but I don’t know. I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses. At first I was like

Kendra Matthies: 16, but then I’m like, actually no, that’s like pretty low. Yeah. At least in this area. Michigan. I know.

I don’t know where this

Christa Innis: was, but yeah, I feel like golf course weddings, like when we were just kinda like, just kind of getting ideas. I feel like golf courses were like the most expensive ’cause it was like, oh yeah, resort vibes, everything included. And so I feel like those were like at least 50 if not way higher.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, so it said, um, intros finished first stance is done, speech is complete. Dinner music began, the buffet was destroyed, completely cleaned out. So it was destroyed in a good way. I think she means

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Like demolished the food. They ate it all. Yes. Okay. That’s what I’m gathering.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, shiny. Yeah. Um, shiny Cha-cha chafers chafer. Yeah. I’m like, okay, I was gonna pronounce that wrong. And all music continued, some dancing followed, and then the mother of the groom approached me. She said the food was awful. The servers were slow, people were spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from another bar into the building. The dance floor was a slippery hazard. The linens were dry after people ate, or No? The linens were dirty after people ate. My gosh. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was headed. The hints for a massive discount started shortly after.

Oh, here we go. Oh

Kendra Matthies: no, they don’t wanna pay. They don’t want to pay. They don’t want to pay. Hopefully they’ve already cashed that check, girl. And it didn’t bounce like this.

Christa Innis: What it’s for, the Dirty Dan or the Dirty Linens thing reminded me. I saw this thing where an influencer was trying to do something or she was getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the floor and was like the place was dirty. And then the owners came out and they were like, she was there right after like a 12 party or a 12 person party just got up and left and she filmed right under the table. So it’s just all about like if you’ve never worked in a restaurant or,

Kendra Matthies: yeah.

That’s wild to me. The linens are dirty. I mean, aren’t they there to like. Get used and like to protect like the tables and to like look nice. Like, yeah. I mean, your wedding dress is gonna be dirty by the end of the night, by the, like the bottom of it. You know, you’re using the item.

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s wild. And again, saying servers were slow, that you’re gonna, you’re gonna complain about that.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild to me. Okay. And clearly the food wasn’t that bad if everybody ate it all.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. That, oh my gosh. Then I heard screams, oh my god. Sure enough, the cake was on the floor. They claimed a server knocked it over while rushing for plates. She did not. And no, this was 2001. Okay, there we go. So it was 2001.

That’s price. So much has changed since then. So much. 16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Kendra Matthies: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah,

Christa Innis: she did not, and no, this was 2001, no cameras. Suddenly the older women erupted into crocodile tears, wailing and chanting praises. They cried that the souls wait, what? The souls of those honored on the cake had been desecrated.

So now they were not saying, now they’re saying because the server knocked it over. It was like an insult to the, the loved ones that were, the cake was for there.

Kendra Matthies: So let’s say that a server did knock it over. That is a. You are jumping over the Grand Canyon, my friend, to say that that is a disrespect on a deceased loved one.

Yeah. I can see somebody going up to the cake, taking whatever that symbolic thing was, chucking it at the wall. Like, okay, yeah, you’re being disrespectful to that. Mm-hmm. If something accidentally gets knocked over, my first thought would not be, oh, my family members, I can’t believe. Like, ah, like that, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Christa Innis: And by everything that we’ve learned so far, I’m like, they’re just looking for all of this to like add up. They’re, they’re thinking of all the dollar so that they can get back basically.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said the accusations went on and on. Eventually the night wound down, the room was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back. Gosh. Oh no. That, uh, like even when I hear stories like this about like someone going into a restaurant, and you can tell from the beginning they complain about every little thing. I mean, I used to work in the restaurant industry, I stopped all the time. Yeah. You see it, right?

It’s like, you know, the second those people sit down, these are someone pe someone that’s gonna complain, they want a discount. And I was more than happy, like if something was wrong or if something, you know. Oh, for sure. Even a discount. I’ll take it off completely. Yeah. But you can tell right away when it’s someone that’s gonna complain about everything.

Even like, they’ll drink, like they’ll Dr. Pepper or, or Sprite and they’ll be like, something’s off in this. Something’s off. Yeah, okay, we’ll get it checked. Or it’s a brand new, you know, anything would be wrong. Right? So when it’s something like this, like a wedding, $16,000 and they’re gonna be like, we want our money back.

Kendra Matthies: No, and I, I can see it being, and maybe you’ve had this experience too, I can also kind of get the vibes of when I’m gonna have a client ask me for a refund. And it’s always, it always seems to be the ones that I am the most lenient with or the ones that I try to give like extra things to, to be nice that end up coming back and expecting more and then wanting a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason I, yeah. So if they say you give an

Christa Innis: inch, they take a mile or something, those kind

Kendra Matthies: 1000%, that is definitely the case. So sounding like that is this case? Yeah. Okay. How does this end?

Christa Innis: Um, okay. It says that’s when we learned they had assumed they were paying the same rate. As the usual two hour Sunday buffet lunches, despite having a signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look at that and just assume, like,

Kendra Matthies: and is it really that they assumed or they thought that because they were such a come every Sunday group that they could just talk their way into it and get that discount after the fact? Right. But you should never sign a con. I’m looking at my camera at this moment.

I know I’ve been looking all around. Right. Never sign a contract for an amount, assuming that it’s not going to be that amount. Yeah. That is

Christa Innis: crazy. To me, contract is a, it’s locking you in. It’s literally telling you what you owe when you pay it. Like yes. Wow. I, I don’t understand how you could assume like that’s just.

Um, I don’t wanna say ignorance, but that’s being, being extremely naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay. I, I’ll we come here every Sunday for a two hour of buffet. I’m like, that’s way different than a wedding.

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Kendra Matthies: That is way different from a wedding that you’re getting linens, you’re having people catering your food, you’re having florals, you’re having sounding like music maybe was even provided, like what they were listing all of the stay for the bride and groom for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect that to be the same as a little buffet that they do every Sunday is insanity. Yeah. And it’s sounding very entitled to me. Like that’s the vibe that I get. Mm-hmm. That they just probably thought going into this. Like I said that, oh, well we come here every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It’s giving, well, I know the owner vibe. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that’s the vibe that it gives and it’s like. Okay, cool.

Christa Innis: You’re like, so do I.

Kendra Matthies: So do I. And this is still how much it is like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’ve seen so many skits about that where someone’s like, well, I know the owner. And they’re like, okay, well get in line all these people.

Kendra Matthies: favorite thing when that would happen to me is they would be like, well, I know the owner, can’t you just gimme a discount? And I’d be like, I know my dad too. Like my dad owned the restaurant that I worked at, so that always killed me. I’d be like, yeah, same

Christa Innis: like, yeah. And I also like anyone that says that like wouldn’t, if you’re going to your friend’s restaurant or someone you knows, restaurant, wouldn’t you want to contribute to a small business or help them out?

And that’s

Kendra Matthies: the thing too. I have never been in a situation that I can think of that I’m ever going to a friend’s business or going to have a friend do anything for me that I am like asking for a discount or I’m expecting a discount. I mean. I had a friend do, she’s my hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her. I still tipped her well, like just ’cause she’s done my hair forever and we’ve been friends for however long. Like that would be super weird of me to just like assume that that would be free or discounted or something. So, yeah. That’s the vibe I’m getting with this though, is that they assumed that,

Christa Innis: I’ve always noticed it’s the people you’re, that are more acquaintances or know you through people that do it.

Yeah. It’s never like a real friend. Yeah. ’cause I don’t, I don’t think I’ve said this on the podcast before, but like years ago, so like I do art like, well again, this was Preki. I haven’t done a lot of art in a while, but I used to do like charcoal art drawings and I’ve done a lot of stuff for weddings, like art-wise, like creating like trees with a thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah. Anyway, so years ago I was like a guest of a guest at a wedding. So like my friend’s old friend, like neighbor was, was getting married. She’s like, you guys should come with us. It was a very laid back wedding. More the merrier. Yeah. The week before, the bride was like, can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice. Like, I’m like early twenties at the time. Like no boundaries. Just one people pleased and I’m like, normally I probably would’ve charged like a fair price. Probably would’ve been. A hundred to $200 because it takes, it takes a while. Yeah. But I was like, okay, maybe I’ll charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don’t get me a gift. And I’m like, oh, okay. Like I already had a gift that I bought. Yeah. And I was like,

Kendra Matthies: okay.

Christa Innis: And then literally I started, learned my lesson, but then a like a year later I was like doing charcoal drawings for people and um, you know, people are, you know, paying whatever. She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I went there, I went and brought it to the house. Like a whole family charcoal drawing. It took Yeah. Hours. Hours. And I’m like, I broke, just recently Graduated college kid. Yeah. And um, she was like, oh, I don’t have cash on me. Like, just tell me what it is and I’ll like send you money later.

Never did. And I like, it’s so dumb now, but in my mind I’m like, that’s that kind of person that just expects a discount. Yeah. ’cause they know you somehow.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. No, I will say like. I have been a bridal makeup artist for 10 years now, and it’s always the person who was randomly in my English class freshman year of high school that’s like, Hey, girl, I’m getting married.

Um, what are your rates? And me sending them, whoa. Well if you want my, uh, pricing guide, feel free to email my assistant. She’ll get that sent over to you. Oh my gosh, no girl. Like, you can just send them in here. Like, it’s fine, like Facebook Messenger. And I’m like, no, it’s easier for me to keep things, you know, compact.

And they’re like, oh, well, is there any way that I could get like a friend and family discount since we know each other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’ve had that happen so many times, and I’m like, honestly, I don’t. I, I don’t know, like anything about you, like, yeah, how, how much friends are we do it. I was going through it when I was in high school, like my junior, my sophomore to end of junior year is when that first hip surgery stuff was happening.

And like they say that pain erases memory or whatever sometimes, and that’s why like I’ve heard, oh well people who have uh, kids might be UPT to have kids again, even if the first birth was like awful because they just like forget the pain or whatever. Which I don’t know how true that is, but I will say, yeah, like there are huge lapses of my memory from that time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street, random person in my Facebook messenger thing, like I probably wouldn’t even know that was you. Mm-hmm. So why would you think that I would wanna give you a discount? Like that’s just wild to me. Well, they’re the same

Christa Innis: ML N people that want you to join their team. Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never talked, but I’m during this, I started this new ml, it’s gonna save your life. And I’m like, yeah,

Kendra Matthies: well, and I get that all the time too. Maybe you do too. Now that you have a following is like online and everything is the amount of people who are like, you should do this because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I’m like, I’m honestly like so good. Thanks though. Like I don’t, so good. Thank you. Like I, I’ve actually never been more Okay. Not doing that. Like, I don’t

Christa Innis: want to do that. Like, like more the reason to not do it. Thank you. Yeah. And

Kendra Matthies: the amount of people too, and maybe you’ve had this as well, that are like, could you use my song in the background of your video?

And they’re like a random person from freshman year of high school that has like a SoundCloud or whatever it’s called. I’ve

Christa Innis: not had that. That’s what I get,

Kendra Matthies: that I get people, oh, can I collab with you? I need to get more views on my stuff because I do X, Y, and Z. And it’s like a random person I haven’t talked to since I was in like, like I was 13.

Like, I’m like, no, I don’t know you anymore. Like you are just because you knew me at a blip of my life, you do not just have access to me 24 7. Like, that’s just, that’s wild to me. Yeah. Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

Christa Innis: we bolted because I feel like it’s such, it’s such a common thing. Like, so when we read something like this, I’m like, oh.

I know that person, if you’re listening, don’t do that. Yeah. Don’t do that to people. Always offer to pay full price for friends. Yeah. Family. And then if later they wanna come back and be like, you know what? I wanna throw in this for free because you’re my friend then. Awesome. Yeah. But

Kendra Matthies: yeah, I mean, for me, and they probably don’t even know I do this, but like my dad’s employees, I give them my friend and family discount because they work for my dad.

They probably don’t even know that I do that, but it’s something that I add on. But if, but it to me, if it was like a new employee of my dad and they’re like, can I get a discount? I’d probably be a little bit more like, like what? That’s odd. Like, don’t do that. Like, don’t expect things, I guess is what I, what we’re trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Ab, absolutely. So she says, um, so it ends with saying, so says, despite having signed the contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm. No one tipped some servers were even in tears. Others finally snap back verbally. And at one point we, and at that point we allowed it. So I’m wondering if this is all just happening right there, because I’m wondering why the servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers go home and then maybe the next week we’re, they’re like trying to demand money. But I don’t know if this is, this sounds like later on in that night it’s

Kendra Matthies: happening. Like in the night you’re like, which I will say, and this is maybe a controversial thing, but I don’t ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things it’s a little bit more com. Like it’s common to do it. Like I probably always would tip a server. Mm-hmm. But if I were, you know, a venue or whatever, you should always have your pricing be to the point where if something like this happens and nobody’s getting tipped, your server isn’t in tears because they didn’t feel like they made enough money, it should still be like mm-hmm.

The base rate should still be good.

Christa Innis: I agree with you.

Kendra Matthies: To me, and this is how, and it’s different. I will say if you’re going out to eat, totally different, totally different. Because I know that minimum wage is like $2 or something, and you’re living off of your tips in that. Like you’re supplementing with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it’s wrong and if it is, please correct us. I don’t know. But I would imagine that when you’re working as a server for an event like this, you’re probably getting more of like an hourly base rate that’s like less than or more than the $2 minimum wage, because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine that that should be more. Common.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I, I can’t speak obviously for all events, but I used my, my job in college, I worked at a hotel and I worked in the bar and like I was a cocktail server, but we obviously hosted events and so there were banquet servers and from my memory, they made like $11 an hour, like they were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant servers were making like five, six. Yeah. They were more inclined to get tipped. So as far as I remember, in banquets you don’t typically get tipped as a server. Yeah. Maybe bartenders will get like cash. Yeah. I can

Kendra Matthies: see, I can see bartenders, but even, yeah, me thinking of any time I’ve attended a wedding, I don’t think that I’ve ever like tipped the person that’s bringing me the plated meal.

Right. Or serving the buffet. I can’t, I don’t like think that. So to play devil as advocate on that one little, little speck, I will say. Yeah. I do think that the tipping thing. That’s, yeah, not, that’s not something that you should just expect. Like even me as a makeup artist, I get probably like 75% of my client’s tip, but it really doesn’t bother me either way because I make sure that my pricing is to where I feel like I’m comfortable after expenses or whatever, that I made money.

I don’t, you shouldn’t be relying on your tips, I guess is what I’m saying, right. For this type of a job Servers. Yeah. In the real everyday you’re working at like Bob Evans or something. I understand. Tip your servers and stuff. Yeah. I just, yes, please tip your normal servers. But I don’t know if that’s common practice for Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if they didn’t typically do this kind of thing. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, but they sound

Kendra Matthies: so, they sound so like prepared for it though. Yeah. I don’t know. Yeah. Anyways, so little tidbit. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. They didn’t get tipped and they’re crying, so, and then it says, others finally snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to allow the servers to snap at the customer.

Kendra Matthies: I understand when tensions are really high and situations are really heated to get caught in the heat of the moment. But as a, whether you’re the manager, whether you are the owner, whatever it is, your responsibility to make your uh, employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I’m gonna handle it. You have to be the one to handle the situation. You can’t because all that’s gonna do is crave more and more heat. And more heat. More heat, and that’s, everybody’s just gonna be mad. So yeah. Allowing your employees to be. Even in a position where they’re feeling like they need to go back and forth like that, like once you start to notice that the heat is coming on a little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you? What’s, what’s the problem? You shouldn’t put your employee in that position because I know that weddings that I’ve been to a lot of the times, the servers, they are like in their late teens, early twenties. That’s a lot to put on someone young. Like that’s a lot. Yeah. So I feel like that’s another thing I would interject in is in this situation it would’ve maybe been beneficial.

I know we don’t know how this ends yet, but to have the employees kind of step aside and you handle it one person, because if you’re yelling at a bunch of different people, nobody’s getting their point across. Nobody’s listening.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like at this point, the, the tips, at least of their concerns, they might not even wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah. Um, so it says, come Monday the check bounced. So no, they didn’t cash the check. I’m wonder, oh, it makes me wonder, oh wait, there’s another paragraph, so lemme read it first. Okay. Says their head pastor called to inform us they would not be paying. He warned that if we pursued the matter, the congregation would countersue, claiming we intentionally sabotaged a young, naive, God-fearing couple’s wedding under the guise of miscommunication, even though they signed a contract

Kendra Matthies: that is, whoa.

Okay. Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh, she says when it was actually reckless discrimination and somehow they won.

Kendra Matthies: Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

Christa Innis: It sounds like either She doesn’t say there was definitely a lawsuit. She just says he warned that if we pursued it, they would countersue and then just ends with. They won.

So I’m wondering if there was, they did sue them. ’cause they were like, we, we didn’t get paid.

Kendra Matthies: Whoa. First off, how any judge is letting that win over a signed contract is bonkers to me. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I need to get into my business owner mind for a second here. Yeah. Why, why allowing. Okay. Thinking that it’s 2001.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. We’re talking 25 years ago. Yeah. I feel old. I see 2001. I’m like, oh, it was like 10 years ago. 25 years ago. I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: I was, I was, I’m 28 so I was like, three what? Right. Two or three, like, um, okay. Wow. Anyways, but like I know things have updated, things have changed a lot in those 25 years, but I. I think that it’s a little bit crazy to accept just a check from a random person and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that. Maybe it was, they said it was three days before, so if it’s a Monday, it would’ve been a Friday. Okay, but

Christa Innis: you think they waited till the banks were closed so they couldn’t cash it? Maybe,

Kendra Matthies: but at that point, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m needing a cashier’s check. I’m needing like a money order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious that the funds are there, especially if communication has been so lax where I haven’t even gotten to talk to my client in weeks. Yeah, that’s, that’s wild to me. What I would say nowadays, me personally, if I’m accepting a check from a client, it has to be like a cashier’s check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting just a check because. It has the potential to bounce. Mm-hmm. And you are still, especially in this situation when there’s so much involved makeup, obviously that sucks for me. Maybe I was looking, maybe I just replenished a lot in my kit and this was money that I thought was coming that I’m going to be able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it’s sounding like this one provides, you still have to pay people. Like you still have Yeah. Things that have to be paid for. And now that that’s bounced, like whoa.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering how much that first deposit was for Like, usually I feel like when I got married it was like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah. Then it was like 50 ma. I don’t know. So I like, it does like little increments. Yeah. So I’m like, that’s not gonna cover their food or No. Like they ate all the food. That’s right. And they’re gonna like live with themselves. Knowing that they, they scam these people. Yeah. The, the, I should make it clear the people getting married, the families getting married.

Right, right. Scam the venue because they knew what they were doing. Because no one signs a contract thinking it’s gonna be, oh, we do a two hour buffet here. It’s the same as a wedding. Hey, do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. For us, it’s gonna be the same.

Kendra Matthies: I guess I’m also confused who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom? Was it who signed this? Because why does the head pastor at their church get to be involved in this lawsuit at all?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a great point. Why is he a part of this discussion?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, that doesn’t matter. Like, that’s him

Christa Innis: being like the, using like the god like hierarchy of like, oh, you use this, this very religious family, and you’re, you’re making them look bad, so don’t you do dare do that.

So it’s almost like him being like, I’m a pastor. Let me. Say it so they, which

Kendra Matthies: why is a pastor doing that? Yeah. You’re

Christa Innis: not a part of the family. You didn’t pay didn’t, you’re

Kendra Matthies: not in the contract. Didn’t pay. Yeah. That’s so weird to me. And if this did go to court and they were able to, like, again, how did a judge, why is that being allowed?

Why is the, why is the pastor of a church that they go to get, to be the deciding say of whether a contract between somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kendra Matthies: That’s just,

Christa Innis: wow. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if, like, if we read it the other way, if she’s just saying they won, basically, like we didn’t, we just went along with it.

We didn’t like try to sue them or like take any step further because he scared us basically. Then I could see that too.

Kendra Matthies: I can see that, but also like as a business, you’re

Christa Innis: out,

Kendra Matthies: you, you have a contract for a reason and if you’re not gonna stick with your policies and your contract and the things that are in there, what’s the point of having I have it.

Yeah. Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, there’s been instances in the past for me where I have made exceptions to something that’s in the contract, but it’s normally because I’m trying to be accommodating of somebody. I will say that’s tightened up a lot because of situations like this where I’ve give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just, I just don’t see how that hap like, so much went wrong with this. Yeah. And so much that I think that this business, and I hope that if they’re still around, that they learn from this, um. I mean, communication needs to be better. Their, what happens if you stop communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are better and hopefully they have more solid contracts or confidence in their contracts that should something like this happen again, it’s worth fighting for because wow, that was a lot.

Christa Innis: When people complain about like rules and stuff, it’s, it’s because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to be as as they are, is because there’s people that take advantage and now they have to be super clear. You have to cover every single instance because of people like this. Yeah. ’cause they don’t try to scam the crap outta you.

Kendra Matthies: If you are somebody that is getting married or you are going to be entering into a contract for whatever reason, read what you’re signing, please don’t just blindly sign and then claim ignorance, because nowadays I just cannot see if this went to court nowadays that that would’ve held up at all for the client’s favor.

Like I could not see that happening. No way. Um, so be mindful of what you’re signing and on the flip vendors or whoever is sending out the contracts, make sure that you feel confident in the things that are in your contract, that you feel that you could back those things up. Consult with an attorney.

Don’t just write something down and have somebody sign it. Make sure it is like a legal contract. Um, yeah, because this type of stuff happens and. Me personally as a random big sister business owner. Advice to you too. If you’re a makeup artist or a hairstylist or somebody that, let’s say you have a season that you go through and now here’s the next one.

Revisit that contract at the end of the season. What happened in that year that you don’t want to happen again? Mm-hmm. Put it into your contract so that it doesn’t happen again and go forward. You might have, like you are saying, you might have people be like, why is this so long? Or Why does this even need to be specified?

You don’t have to explain yourself to those clients, but you can say, if you want to say anything at all, while everything that’s in the contract is there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. You have to protect yourself as a business owner and as a consumer. Signing contracts. Protect yourself too. If you don’t know what a contract is saying.

If you don’t know the legal mumbo jumbo. You don’t have to, nobody is forcing you to sign anything. Yes. You can consult with somebody if you need help before signing anything, even if it’s just asking the business to clarify what this means, because Yeah, don’t sign into something that you don’t know.

Yeah. Because either one of you, it could come back and bite you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And and most, most places now, like you said, are not gonna be like, oh, you didn’t read it. Mm. They’re gonna be like, too bad you signed this. Yeah. So,

Kendra Matthies: yeah. I mean, I’ve had to do that multiple times where we’ve had to send screenshots or we’ve copied the portion of the contract that applies to X, Y, or Z situation and send it to that client and say, well then the contract that you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave with confidence with that. You have to say, well, this is what you signed, and they can come back and counter, but. This is what you signed. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me think too, kind of like looking back at the beginning that there were so many different parties involved and I think this is why a lot of places too are like, we only work with the bride and groom, or we only work with a couple getting married because I feel like they probably, the young girl comes in from the group, she’s really excited.

They’re like, yep, this sounds great. She’s the one that talks with them. They signed the contract, she probably pays the first deposit. Sounds like, yeah. It says the bride and groom agree. They pay everything. No issues. Then other people are getting involved, but maybe the moms start seeing it and they’re like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this? Um, ’cause that’s, I think that’s why there was that radio silence, right? They’re like starting to worry about the cost. Then this random uncle comes in. Yeah. And either he was planning on paying for it the whole time, or he goes, wait guys, I’ve got an idea. You know what I’m saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time? Part of me thinks yes. He’s like, I’m gonna come in. They’re not gonna ask me questions, so they don’t know me. I don’t know about the wedding. Bring this check in. Oh, it’s covered. We’re good. We’re gonna get our wedding. And then you guys come in hot and right. Want.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, because

Christa Innis: there’s people that do this like for a living.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. I mean, like I said, my dad owns a restaurant. There’s people that we have on the do not let reorder list because they’ve had multiple, and multiple and multiple times where they call back and complain that something is wrong. And to the point where we would like red label them maybe like, Hey, if they call, make sure that you are so precise and confident that everything going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back and say, X, Y, or Z happened. For example, and this is talking on my dad’s half for a little bit, but he had a customer that would constantly complain about something being wrong with the pizza. The toppings weren’t right. The, my dad owns a pizza place. The toppings weren’t right.

The cheese had slid to the side by the time that the delivery driver got it there, um, it was burn, it was too cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally my dad was working one day and it was just him and the delivery driver, and he makes the pizza. He knows that this person is a chronic complainer. Mm-hmm.

So he is on it. Yeah, just him in the building delivery driver. Nobody else makes the pizza, sends it on its way. Of course, like five minutes later, 10 minutes later, he gets a call from that person and they’re complaining, well, what’s wrong? There is a massive blonde hair in my pizza. My dad said there’s a long blonde hair.

Okay. Um, are you sure it’s not yours? No, it can’t be mine. Everybody in my family has brown hair. Okay. Um, if I send the delivery driver back, would you give him the pizza and the hair that is in that so that we can figure out where this is coming from? Oh, well, um, I mean we already ate it. We ate around it, but like, this is ridiculous.

And my dad goes, you know what’s also really funny, the delivery driver and I are both bald and nobody else is working today. So they stopped ordering after that. But it’s just so funny. And come to find out, I mean, I did a little bit of Facebook stalking their family’s all blonde. Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like. So it’s just funny, but yeah, it does happen like all the time and in so many different industries that people will just try to get away with scamming you and mm-hmm. You have to protect yourself as a business owner. Like you just, ugh. Yeah. I feel bad for when things like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying throughout this, there were definitely learning moments from this. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, management wise or whatever, and policy wise, but I think that maybe it, from the sounds of it, maybe this was kind of a newer thing for them and they just didn’t have those policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah. I think that this is us seeing what kind of happens to a lot of professionals where you have something like this happen, which. Builds those standards and things like that for it to not happen again. So I think we might have seen the beginning of this golf courses event planning. They’ve been real

Christa Innis: strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sucks. You have to learn that way. Losing $16,000 and then some. Yeah. ’cause they said they kept adding on all these extras so. Hopefully this was a learning That’s so awful moment for them. But think about the, the couple that got married. Your, your wedding was built on a lie.

Kendra Matthies: A lie.

That’s really wild. And like bad juju. Like why would you want that? Yeah. I’m curious to know, are they still married?

Christa Innis: I know, I was, I was thinking that too. I’m like, I could not, like your kids are, or your kids or family one day is asking about your wedding and you’re like, oh yeah, it was at this place. Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing. Yeah, they loved it. Oh, it was ter you know, like, ’cause if it had all the things they wanted, I don’t know. And they never specified either if it was the bride and groom refusing to pay, or if it was the moms coming in right saying they’re not gonna pay. Um, so it makes me wonder maybe it was like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like, okay, we’re gonna write a check. Huh. So many questions. It’s, I love, love getting

Kendra Matthies: vendor

Christa Innis: stories, but I also like am like, oh, I don’t like there, there’s so much missing. Right? I

Kendra Matthies: wish I could call them and be like, okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

Christa Innis: I know. Oh my gosh. That was wild.

That

Kendra Matthies: was real.

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Christa Innis: Well, I always like to end these with, as I shake my whole computer right now. I was like to end these with confessions people send me on Instagram. So here we go. This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: that’s a good one.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This one says, um, letting my friend declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn’t have been her. I, I hear that a lot and I always wonder how that happens. ’cause if that was a friend to like someone to me saying like, oh, I’m your maid of honor, and they weren’t, I would, I would probably just laugh and just move on. How do they themselves?

Kendra Matthies: I definitely have heard this a lot from my clients that, oh yeah, this person kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be a bridesmaid, but I really wanted this person to be my maid of honor. I think what happens a lot of the time is you get people pleaser brides that don’t want to offend anybody. This person probably means a lot to them. Maybe just not in the, I think they should be made of honor way, but I think that it’s hard when they’re trying to make sure that everybody’s happy.

They don’t want to start wedding drama. Especially when it comes to bridesmaids, like you’re usually picking that out pretty early in the wedding planning process. Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama? But I will say, if you are somebody that recently got engaged or you’re just announcing bridal party members and somebody’s trying to assert that, I think that.

It’s really important and in the long run better to just be clear right away. And I know that a lot of people like to do those bridesmaids boxes or things like that where they’re asking people, um, definitely make sure that you give yourself time between announcing the engagement and, and picking your bridesmaids that you kind of like have everything so you can quickly do that so that this doesn’t happen.

Yeah. ’cause I think that it’s when there’s that gap that people can just assume and then push their way into it. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it’s important. Like if you’re announcing that you’re engaged, maybe within a week or two you’re asking people, and maybe that’s a big turnaround. I don’t know. It’s a little bit hard if you don’t know the engagement’s coming, but Right.

I do think like it’s important to have a list and roster in the back of your mind. If you’re knowing within a year I’m probably gonna be getting engaged to like you, you or I’m gonna be getting engaged, like you should probably have somewhat of a roster. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Because even if you don’t have like the bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you’re gonna do, you can at least be like, oh, you know, I actually, my sister or my friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah. It’s just gonna, is being that person.

Kendra Matthies: And it might be awkward, like it probably will be awkward, those conversations, but I’d rather you have a conversation early on and it be a little bit awkward than to be submitting that you regret it to us. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Because then you’re giving in and then you’re making it their day.

Yeah. Not completely, I get that. But like you’re still like. They’re gonna have their way with whatever. Oh, gonna be these bride. Like what does it, what, where does it end? Right? We’re gonna have these bridesmaid dresses. ’cause I like these best for my body. Right? Well wait, you’re, you weren’t even supposed to be the maid of honor and then you’re gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Kendra Matthies: Exactly. No, I 1000% agree.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see, this says letting my mother-in-law add over 40 guests to the list, which meant cutting down our friends list.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh. So I personally told like family members, like they were allowed X amount of people that they could invite. But I also made it clear, like I still wanted it to be people that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn’t want my mom to invite like a random person from our church that knew me when I was three. Like, that would be kind of odd. Um. I definitely think you have to kind of go into things like that, like that, where you’re giving like a, Hey, so so-and-so’s gonna have this many people, I’m gonna have this many people, his family’s gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people. And that’s how we’re reaching capacity. Like I think that you have to be very clear with those things from the get go.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Especially if it seems like someone that everybody’s their best friend or everyone’s their friend. Right. Just give like a little limit. Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right? Yeah. And then if they give you 20 and they’re like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and so, then sure you can give wiggle room. But when you give a free reign, that’s scary territory.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. And even with wiggle room, you have to be clear though too. Like if somebody’s like, oh my gosh, I know I gave you 20 people, but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot. You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we could squeeze that one more person in, but like we’re really done after that. Like you can’t be like, okay, yeah, I guess this is not another person. Like, ’cause the more you’re lax again, give an inch, take a mile type of thing is gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, let’s do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping. Should have saved the money and skipped the drama.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. I have heard this so much, like a lot, a lot. I’m talking even on wedding days, I hear this like, oh yeah, because sometimes the lead up drama is the worst part. Like the scheduling of the bachelorette or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time it gets to their wedding day, they’re like, I don’t even wanna do this. Like I, and it’s not that they don’t wanna get married, it’s just people they don’t wanna have to put on the performance and. All of it. So I have definitely heard that a lot. I would say that if you’re somebody that you and your significant other, you don’t really necessarily want a big wedding, you don’t necessarily see even a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it’s not the best option for you. It is never worth it to put yourself in debt to have a wedding. That is wild to me. I have had brides tell me that they have taken out loans for their wedding. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Couldn’t

Kendra Matthies: be me. Couldn’t be

Christa Innis: me. It’s consumerish, consumerism, and wedding culture altogether of like, you need the biggest, best wedding to post all of our social media and have this grand day.

And it’s like. Yes, weddings are beautiful and amazing, but at the end of the day, it is a day, right? And you do not wanna go into your marriage broke or, um, owing a bunch of money or having debt. That is, I feel like that is just like a, such a hard thing to go into a marriage with.

Kendra Matthies: And I think that people kind of have created this almost stigma of, it’s like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful weddings have been elopements. One of my friends, her name you guys might follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair. Her and her husband got eloped, and I wanna say they were out in like some like desert, sorry, Meg if you’re watching, but they were in some sort of like desert, like beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the photography, and that was where the majority of their budget went. And oh, my word, talk about magazine wedding. Like some of the most stunning wedding photos I’ve seen of my life. And it was an elopement. Like it doesn’t have to be like, oh, I’m giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I’m giving up. I can get great makeup done. You can invest now in the things that do matter to you more. Like maybe you really, really want good photos, but you don’t care if it’s just four of you there. Like, you can invest in those things now because you’re not spending. $50,000 on a wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. I think it’s one of those things too about like knowing yourself, knowing your family.

If there’s high tensions and you’re like, gosh, our families clash, or gosh, like my friends are just don’t get along with so and so, you know, whatever that is, and you’re already stress thinking about it, maybe that’s a sign. Yeah. Everyone knows themselves best. Like, I, like for me, I did not want a huge wedding, but I also could not, I could only picture like all of our families and friends together dancing and like hanging out in like one big party.

Um, so it wasn’t like humongous, but it wasn’t really small either, but. For me, that was important to me and my husband, but we didn’t have drama leading up to it that we were like, oh, I’m so nervous about people being in the same room. But I know a lot of the times when they regret, I feel like it’s because they’re getting pressure from someone saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding to show off to everybody. But meanwhile, the bride and groom are the ones like suffering because they’re like, this isn’t right us. This isn’t what we want.

Kendra Matthies: Right. So you have to be mindful. It’s okay to get people’s opinions, especially when it’s from people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very important and big in your life. It’s I, it is okay to take those opinions, but at the end of the day, if that is not what you want, who’s the one going in debt because of these things? Who’s the one that’s living with the fact that, oh, my wedding was so stressful and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It’s not your parents. It’s you, so you have to be mindful of yourself when it comes to wedding planning and just like weddings in general, because ideally, I mean, I know it doesn’t happen all the time. This is a once in a lifetime thing for you. I know people get remarried. I’m not saying that, but I’m saying what you are.

Nobody’s going into a wedding hoping that they’re gonna get married again. You are hoping that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Do you want to be like the thing that’s behind that is stress? Mm-hmm. No, I don’t think that anybody wants that. So yeah, I think that taking opinions and valuing people’s input is important, but never to the point where it’s diminishing your own wants or finances, I guess, even in this case.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely listen to your gut on that one and be on the same page with your partner and then yeah, move forward from there. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. Like I’m just realizing the time. I’m like, so sorry I took so much of your time. No,

Kendra Matthies: I can’t see the time, so I’m just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I’m a certified yapper. I love it. I love

Christa Innis: No, I remember you saying that last time. I love it. ’cause I, I, I get in that tendency of like just yapping too. And so like, I love when we’re on the same page as that. So can you, for everyone listening, can you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you’re working on and all that good stuff? Yeah,

Kendra Matthies: so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, um, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one, but it’s at Kendra Matthies, everywhere else, it’s just at Kendra Matthies. Um, I’m currently working on, uh, depending on when this is getting posted, I’m gonna be in Premier Anaheim, uh, Anaheim, California.

Uh, February 1st and second, I’m gonna be teaching multiple classes there. Otherwise, I have some other classes that I’m teaching. Come April, I’m gonna be in Chicago again for America’s beauty show, and then I am working on some. Independent classes. Oh, you guys heard it first, but I am working on some independent classes, um, coming up in this year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Very exciting. Sounds like a lot of fun things are coming up. Yes.

Kendra Matthies: So much fun.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thanks again for coming on. This was so much fun hanging out.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, it was great seeing you again. Congratulations on having a podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most podcasts don’t make it past the first five or six episodes, so Wow. That’s good. Look at you going, you’re rocking and rolling and I can’t wait to see what comes for you with the podcast. I love watching your skits and everything online and yeah, I think that you’re doing a great job.

Thanks. Thank you. Yes. All right. Well thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. And I will probably see you guys in a story time coming soon, because I told Christa I didn’t wanna share it here, but I think I’m gonna build up the courage to share it soon. Yay. Yes. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Dress Codes, Divided Families & Day-Of Disasters With Lisa P.

What happens when a dream wedding breaks more than just budgets?

In this episode, Lisa Pontius shares how her whirlwind romance turned into a wedding that fractured friendships—literally.

From unexpected parent fallout to the silent war of traditions and finances, Christa and Lisa unpack the hidden landmines of wedding planning that no one warns you about.

Plus, they dive into viral hot takes—from guest dress codes to social media restrictions—and ask: are you really ready to get married, or just pressured to?

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:34 Lisa’s Background and Content Focus

01:25 Self-Care and Mental Health Through Fashion

02:48 Crazy Wedding Stories Begin

03:06 Lisa’s Wedding Journey and Family Drama

05:07 Wedding Planning Stress and Family Dynamics

14:21 Wedding Hot Takes and Opinions

25:02 Wedding Story Submissions

28:26 Wedding Mishaps in the Heat

30:26 Rainy Wedding Stories

31:59 Reception Disasters

33:54 The Missing Bride and Groom

38:02 Wedding Planning Realities

42:37 Weekly Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

When the In-Laws Stop Speaking – Lisa shares how her and her husband’s parents became friends, then stopped speaking after the wedding drama unfolded.
Wedding Planning Pressure Cooker – Money, expectations, and tradition clashed hard during Lisa’s wedding, revealing everyone’s “ugliest selves.”
The Myth of the Perfect Day – Lisa reflects on being the bride: “I wish I had been a guest at my own wedding.”
Hot Take: Dress Code Boundaries – Lisa and Christa break down why curating your event is not controlling—it’s thoughtful.
Unrealistic Wedding Expectations – How Pinterest weddings and movie moments set brides up for anxiety and disappointment.
Setting Social Media Limits – Can couples really control what guests post? Lisa shares her surprisingly balanced take.
Marriage > Wedding – With 12 years of marriage behind her, Lisa offers clarity on what really matters post-vows.
Planning Regrets and Lessons Learned – Why day-of coordinators are non-negotiable, and what every bride should do first.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My number one tip for brides—get on the same page with your partner first. Block out all the noise.” – Christa Innis
“Weddings bring out everyone’s true colors… and not always in a good way.” – Christa Innis
“You cannot blame the wedding party for a day you refused to plan.” – Christa Innis
“Marriage should enhance your life—not be the only thing holding it together.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to follow a timeline. Everyone’s journey is different.” – Christa Innis
“Everyone is kind of their ugliest selves around wedding planning. It’s a recipe for disaster.” – Lisa P.
“I joke that I wish I had been a guest at my wedding—being the bride was not awesome.” – Lisa P.
“Weddings are not indicative of marriage. They’re a totally weird, standalone experience.” – Lisa P.
“You’re not just curating photos. You’re curating an entire experience.” – Lisa P.
“Be careful who your parents become friends with. You might be stuck with them forever.” – Lisa P.

About Lisa

Lisa Pontius is a New Yorker-turned-Charleston housewife who brings bold opinions, vintage glam, and real talk to every conversation. A former culinary school grad and kitchen pirate, Lisa traded 12-hour shifts for southern living—and never looked back. She first began sharing her story online during the pandemic and quickly found her voice talking about motherhood, self-worth, toxic relationships, and societal norms—always with a splash of style. Now known for her blend of 1950s glamour and modern edge, Lisa dishes up a mix of fashion, fire, and unfiltered honesty that’s anything but boring.

Follow Lisa P.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Lisa. Thank you so much for joining me.

Lisa P: Hi. Thank you for having me.

Christa Innis: Yes, I am so excited to dive into this. like we were just saying before, recording, there’s so much drama when it comes around weddings and events and all that stuff. But before I talk too much, can you just tell everyone a little bit about you and, I don’t know, like maybe what interested you in coming on?

I feel like I’ve seen your content. A lot and I feel like you share a lot of important takes so I’m just interested to hear a little bit more about you and, what kinda I interested you.

Lisa P: Yeah. well, I’m Lisa. My handle is, it’s me, Lisa p across all socials. I share a lot about motherhood and relationships on my page, so, the conversation of weddings absolutely comes up.

The conversation of marriage comes up. So, I was intrigued to kind of come on here and talk about some of the drama that surrounds it. but yeah, my content really focuses on. relationship motherhood centered, but with like a real life spin. I like to kind of get to the why of the way things are, in a cute outfit.

So a little bit

Christa Innis: of everything. Yeah. I just say like, I love your style. I am always like you so put together. And I like thought about that when I was like coming on. I was like, okay, I need to make sure I’m like. dressed well because I know Lisa will be, she has such good style.

Lisa P: Listen, I love an outfit, but I’m just as likely to show up in, like my gym clothes if I haven’t had a chance to get changed.

So I totally get it. I just, this is one of my like self-care pick me up things that kind of got me out of my motherhood blues, and I consistently keep up with it because I know it’s. Like such a mental health thing for me.

Christa Innis: Yes. I am right there with you that I did the same thing. Like especially with working from home, I feel like you don’t see a lot of people all the time or like, I’m just here with my child.

And so sometimes it was just like, I need that feeling of like getting ready. And so like, even when I was home during like COVID, I was like, I need to like make sure I like, do something to make for myself. It’s like an

Lisa P: art. I think I got more into it actually during COVID because I was already a stay at home mom.

But I had that like busy schedule outside of the home, so I’d go from like gym to running errands to being with the kids. So I like wouldn’t have that time. And then once everyone was home, yeah, like fully sweat panted, I was like, oh no, no, no. I gotta get up and put some pants on because Yeah. Otherwise this is gonna be it for the next decade for sure.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh, a hundred percent. I know. I was like, I can’t be someone, I can’t just like sit. In sweats all day Of course, there are days I am in sweats all day. I will not never deny that. I love a good sweatsuit, but If I’m like doing something from home, I’m like, I still need to like do something or else I will just melt into my bed.

Lisa P: For sure. It shifts your energy I think and it like definitely makes me feel more, especially ’cause I’m around little people all day, you know? It makes me feel like a little bit more adult.

Christa Innis: Yes, absolutely. I love that. Okay, so jumping into like crazy stories, people love hearing the crazy wedding stories.

I’m sure we’ve all have witnessed. I know I have some things you have. A situation, I dunno if situation’s the right word, something that happened in your family when it’s relating to weddings and marriage. So I dunno if you wanna talk a little bit more about that.

Parents Became Best Friends… Until the Wedding Planning Began

Lisa P: Sure. so I feel like I have to preface this with me and my husband moved very quickly, like right after we met.

We knew that was at one, like we were ready. I think we like attempted to put a deposit on a wedding venue down before we were even like. Publicly engaged. Wow. So it was very untraditional in that sense. And I think that sort of started off the entire wedding journey with our respective families and kind of threw everyone for a loop from the get go.

we were just ready to get married as soon as we met. And, yeah, so we actually met because. My parents who were like new transplants to Charleston, which is where I’m still living. they had met his parents and they had become fast friends, so they. Friends first before I had even met my husband, before I had even like, heard of my husband.

Christa Innis: and somehow, like through the process of us getting married, their relationship completely disintegrated. And you hear it all the time with weddings that like friendships will break up.

Mm-hmm.

Lisa P: But like, this was so out of left field because these were like the adults in the room, right. Like these were the parents.

Christa Innis: Yeah, especially too, because like, I dunno, I feel like that’s like a dream for a lot of people. Like they meet and then it’s like, oh my gosh, maybe our kids will get married. You know? Like it just,

Lisa P: well we thought we had it hacked. We thought we were about to hit the grandparent lottery of like, oh, we’ll have kids and they’ll just all watch these kids and just hang out.

Like, this will be great. It did not work out like that.

Christa Innis: Was it the wedding planning? And of course like if, there’s anything like. Too intrusive or you don’t wanna share, like, just stop me. do you think the wedding planning or like the moving fast or anything with that, that had to do with it or just like happened soon?

I think

Lisa P: so. It was 100% the wedding mostly. I mean, I don’t, again, I’m not privy to like what went on behind closed doors in their friendship. There might have been like some underlying stuff, like, who knows, right? that’s their drama. But the wedding. Added so much like pressure onto it and onto me and my husband at the time too.

Wedding planning is extremely stressful. There’s money involved, there’s like traditions involved. There’s a lot of things that like are much more serious than like a social relationship, and sometimes you kind of, what I think happened is like their incompatibilities as. Friends kind of got blown up like blown wider because of the wedding planning and the pressure of that.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I was just talking to someone how like weddings, especially when you bring in two families together, almost brings in this like Unnecessary comparison though, right? Because it’s like if someone’s like, let’s say like family A is like really into planning and like maybe they have a little more finances or something.

The other one not so much. They might feel a little like. Uh, not insecure about it, but they might be like, Ooh, like I’m uncomfortable with this, or I feel like they’re doing so much and I can’t do enough, or, I’m being pushed out. when that might not be actually happening. They might just kind of have those feelings of like.

what’s going on here?

Lisa P: I think everybody wants it to be like, really, even like really down the line. And like in movies you see it, you know, there’s like the bride side and the groom side, and it’s equal. And I think that’s just not as realistic as like it actually goes down.

I know in our situation, both of my parents are only children, so there isn’t like a huge extended family on that end. But traditionally the bride pays for the wedding. So like. There was a lot of like, well, this seems like a lot of your people and like, we don’t have a lot of people and we had a very small wedding anyway because that’s just what we wanted.

but it definitely. Everyone had a lot of feelings about it, about like how many people were coming, how many cousins we could invite, who all was gonna be there, who all was paying for what, and it just, ugh.

Christa Innis: It like there’s so many Yeah. Opinions that come into a wedding that it’s like, it’s so hard. My number one tip for brides like that, like watch and like listen. I’m just like, get on the same page with your partner first. Block out all the noise because it’s so hard. It’s like you get people coming in that you maybe never had an opinion on anything before.

And they come in, they’re like, you need this. And you’re like, wait, do I need, yeah. Where did this come from?

Lisa P: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think weddings are in some way, like. Not indicative at all of marriage. So I think it’s such a weird standalone experience. And again, I’m now looking at it like 12. We just celebrated our 12 year anniversary, so like 12 years later, all the feelings have subsided.

We can laugh at it now, right? we can all laugh at the drama and the craziness and how stressed we were because it wasn’t the end of the world at the end of the day, we got married and we’ve been married and marriage is longer right than,the wedding part, but. I think, you know, the family’s coming together.

This is the first time where people have to like work together, you know, work within each other’s boundaries. Maybe set some boundaries, maybe do things that their mother-in-law doesn’t like. Maybe like these are the first things that you’re like, oh, I’m not gonna be able to make everyone happy and myself happy all at the same day the same way.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah, that’s true. It’s like all the personalities coming together and. Certain ones really shining a certain a way me might not have seen before. I’ve definitely seen it in a lot of weddings. I’ve seen it in a lot of just events in general. Just like family events. You see like, oh, that’s how they, they are in this light.

Right? Or this is, that’s how feel about that. Interesting. Yeah. I feel like, you know, it’s just like. Especially like you don’t know what other pressures they’re getting. Like I know like just certain brides, like I’ve known before, they get married and then I know them during their wedding and I know them after their wedding and I’m like, oh, some of them were different people during all of those stages.

And not saying good or bad, I’m just saying like they just had different pressures put on them or different, you know, situations. And it’s just interesting how that comes up.

Lisa P: I mean, I know I felt victim to like the want everything to be perfect, like hyper fixating. I think brides in general do that. I think that’s where the bride Silda comes from.

Yep. Um, because there’s so much pressure to want this day to be this like picture perfect. Oh my God. Once in a million like time moment. And there’s so much pressure on it that I like. Oh my God. I, I joke with people all the time that I wish I had been a guest at my wedding. ’cause my wedding was awesome. Being the bride at my wedding was not awesome.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I heard that so many times and I was one of the later ones, like outta my friend group. I was like the la one of the last ones to get married. And I, my husband and I had been in so many weddings, so I’ve seen so many and I heard so many bride say that they were like.

I didn’t get to enjoy it or like there was too much of this going on or I kept getting pulled in different directions and so I was like, okay, I wanna try so hard not for that, to that to happen. Of course it did in to some extent, but yeah, you hear about that so many times. You put all this pressure on this day and half the time the bride and groom don’t get to enjoy it the way they want to.

Lisa P: Yeah. I think there’s just so much anxiety and so much riding on it and like. I feel like that contributed a ton to our parents, like kind of having a friend break up, um, during it for sure. Because everyone is kind of like, and this sounds terrible because it’s like a day of love, but like everyone’s kind of their ugliest selves, um, around like wedding planning.

’cause there’s big money and there’s big expectations and there’s big family. It’s a recipe for disaster. Yeah. Like, it’s just a recipe for like, something to happen. Like there’s gonna be some drama. It could be like with your girlfriends, it could be with like a bridesmaid or a groomsman or like, it doesn’t have to be your immediate family, but like, something’s coming up.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Oh, that’s for sure. It’s, they say everyone’s like, true colors come out during like intense moments and events like that. Um, so moving past that, so they kind of just like drifted apart and like. Now at family events, they just kinda like drift by. They like still aren’t

They Were Supposed to Be Co-Grandparents

Lisa P: friends. Um, they are co grandparents.

Um, and there are like family events where everybody comes and everyone’s like, fine and peaceful. But like I, I almost like to the point where I almost forget that they used to hang out like independently before us. You know what I mean? Like mm-hmm. They act like Stranger Law grandparents. Um, but yeah, they used to like.

Have beers by the pool and hang out and like that just blows my mind.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s so interesting. It’s interesting how relationships can just change so quickly like that when you go through an experience, I guess.

Lisa P: Well, and I’m sure they, they all in their own way probably like, ugh, we’re gonna have to see them forever.

Like a divorced couple. Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like they’re literally going through all those stages. ’cause they’re gonna. Like they, yeah, you can’t just ghost

Lisa P: each

Christa Innis: other and like never

Lisa P: see each other again because it would be easier, like you could totally do that one. One set of these parents doesn’t even live here anymore, so like it would be easy to never even think about each other except for the fact that you share grandchildren now.

So be careful who your friends are. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, yes. Wow. Yeah, I would say that would be a, I don’t even know if I would call the crazy story. It’s, it’s sad that that happens and it’s like sad that there’s like pressure on weddings and stuff, but, uh, I guess I. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be at the end, but

Lisa P: it, it was meant to be because you guys met through it.

I like to think that they were friends only for long enough to like bring me and my husband together. That’s my like silver lining about it, that they were never really meant to be friends. That that was kind of part of like the plan.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. I love that. And you guys knew right off the beginning, right from the bat that it was meant to.

Lisa P: Yeah, we knew. We knew really early and like, I know everybody says that. Some people get that like light bulb moment. Personally, like full disclosure, I didn’t have the light bulb moment. My husband had the light bulb moment. Um, but he, yeah, he turned to his dad after the first weekend we had met and we met at my dad’s.

60th birthday and we met because I flew down to Charleston for my dad’s birthday. And my husband’s parents were guests at like this birthday party, Shindi situation. And they like roped him into coming to kind of like, hang out with me ’cause I would be the only like under 60-year-old person. Um, and that’s how we met.

We were like kind of, they say it was like, it wasn’t a setup, but. It worked.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It like wasn’t a set up, but they were like, he’s got a son. They’ve got a son. I don’t know. You’re home. Yeah. Like, take your son maybe. Yeah. It was all meant to be in, in just a, a different kind of way. Um, all right. I love that.

Thanks. Thanks for sharing that. Um, okay, let’s get into some wedding hot takes. So these are different hot takes that people. Send to me on my stories and we’re just gonna kind of react to them, say what you kind of, what you think about them. Okay. Um, all right. Should couples get to control what guests post on social media about their wedding?

Lisa P: I guess it depends before or after the wedding, but like, I don’t think so.

Christa Innis: I know I’ve never really heard of that before. Lately I’ve been getting a few more like that, that are saying like, I don’t see, I was never like. I

Lisa P: feel like I got maybe too early to like even have that as like a conversation because like, like the hashtag thing hadn’t happened.

So I don’t think you can control everyone around you. No, unfortunately, no. Yeah. I feel

Christa Innis: like when it comes to like, okay, the bride’s getting ready and she hasn’t like come out yet. Yeah. Like don’t post.

Lisa P: Yeah. Don’t

Christa Innis: post a picture

Lisa P: of the bride in her dress before she does her like walk down the aisle. Like, be respectful.

Don’t post any pictures where the bride looks bad. I feel like that’s just not being a, a friend. Right? Like, you know, if you catch her like picking a booger, maybe don’t post that one. Um, but yeah, as far as like what they can share, I, I don’t see a problem with it.

Christa Innis: I feel it’s like the age we live in, it’s like you just know, like being a bride or groom at the wedding.

Like people are gonna take pictures, hopefully not during the ceremony if you have no photos, but you know.

Lisa P: Yeah, you’re not just gonna be able to share your professional photos. People will have like candidates and stuff.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And last times those turn out really good. I mean, I didn’t have photos like during the ceremony, but like I had some random like f friends that took photos, like during our fir first dance that were like so good that like just, they just happened to catch.

And I was like, you don’t. Yeah.

Lisa P: Um, we had a great video. We had a videographer, which I think was like pretty new when we got married. We got married in 2013, so like, okay. It was a while ago. Um, so we had a videographer and we had a photographer and I wanted a lot of those candid, so we did get a good amount of those, which I’m so thankful for because I think those are so fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I ended up liking ’cause Yeah, we did the same, we had two photographers and a videographer and I loved the candid photos like so much more than the stage ones. Like the stage ones. I was like, oh no.

Lisa P: That was one of the things I had to fight my family on ’cause I wanted like a very. I guess now you would call it like editorial style.

Mm-hmm. Photography. Um, ’cause I just thought it was so romantic and pretty and like again, this was right like in the middle of Pinterest wedding, so I was like, let me do something a little different. Um, and they were like, no, you have to have the like portraits. We have to do every family member in every iteration stand there, smile, portrait.

And I was like, okay. That one. I was fine.

Christa Innis: You’re like, all right, that’s your thing. Okay. Yeah, I know

Lisa P: I have those though now, but

Mood Boards, Dress Codes & Wedding Boundaries

Christa Innis: I, yeah, it’s like I feel like they’re the ones that like look nice, but like I felt like when I was looking through them, I was like, that just doesn’t look like me. But yeah, you gotta have those, but sometimes you gotta do the old school thing for sure.

Yeah, it’s good. It’s a balance. Um, all. Is it setting boundaries or just controlling to ban certain songs, colors, or styles from your wedding? Because I’ve been hearing this more and more about people like setting a certain, like, no,

Lisa P: actually, I think that’s setting boundaries. In fact, I don’t think it’s controlling.

I think it is like, I think it’s curating. Mm,

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Lisa P: You’re curating your event. And I’m a girl who loves a theme. Okay. So like, if someone gave me a color palette and a vibe, I would be fucking psyched. Um, because I’d be like, what we’re doing glam Met Gala, black Tie. Got it. Like, I feel like. I think that is curating not just like the after products, like the photos and stuff, but you’re curating the whole experience.

Mm-hmm. Which makes it a more immersive experience in general, and that kind of elevates everyone’s exper experience.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just talking to someone about it and people get so offended by. Being told there’s a theme or like certain things to follow, but as like a planner as like, I don’t know, type A in, in some aspects, I love being told it too.

Like if they’re like, wear a shade of pink. I’m like, let me find my best pink. Um, let me look for it. Yeah,

Lisa P: no, I know at least that, you know, the expectation I, my biggest pet peeve is where it’s like so randomly vague that you’re like, what does this mean? Yeah, like barn cocktail, I’m like. Our boots too much, right?

Like where are we at? Like which level? Give me, give me more references. Gimme a Pinterest board. That would be great. Gimme a reference. Yeah. I have a friend of mine who does this constantly and she’s a, like a photo stylist and like it’s very on brand for her. This is what she does, like her living. But whenever she has an event, she will send out a mood board.

Oh my gosh, I love that. Or like outfits. So she had, um, her, God, was it her 40th? I think it, no, it couldn’t have been her 40th. Anyway, she had a big birthday that just happened and she had it at a magic show and she sent out a mood board and everybody showed up and showed out. And like we were the only group that was dressed up.

Okay. Like circus for performers. But we were all doing it together. Okay. Yeah. And it had colors, it had mood and vibe, and she was like, this is the vibe. And everyone was like. Bet and like someone came as like the rabbit coming out of the hat. It was wild, but it was so much fun. Oh gosh. If you’re not to that, I can understand why that would be intimidating, but you could still just pick colors.

Yes. You know, you could, you could still adhere to it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s nice because when there’s those times, certain events, not necessarily a wedding, but we’re like. It looks like everyone’s attending a different event. Like someone’s in a formal dress, someone’s in like leggings and a t-shirt, and it’s like, we’re like, what’s the, I always, I feel like I always try to dress a little nicer than I think ’cause I’m like, I don’t ever look under.

Take it from me. Yes. That was like, I feel like someone told me that years ago and I was like, yeah, I always wanna be a little, little over, because you never really know what to, what

Lisa P: to expect. Yeah. Well, listen, if someone’s gonna talk about you, you would rather them talk about like, wow, she was really overdressed, but that was a great outfit.

Yes. Than like, oh, yikes. You know what I mean? Like you’d always rather be like shining. Yes. Yeah. Like let’s not wear like jeans to a wedding. But I also feel like the dress code thing has gotten very convoluted in between like our parents’ generation and our generation and now like the younger generation getting married.

I feel like people really don’t understand, and I see this on TikTok all the time, and I feel like since you’re in the wedding sphere, you probably see it a lot, but like people don’t understand the difference between cocktail and black tie or black tie and white tie and these sort of like. I feel like giving the vibe and the color and like a theme is like the new way of doing that.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. Because I’ve definitely have spent time like googling, like, okay, it says cocktail formal. And I’m like, what does that mean? Is that like a step up from cocktail? And I’m like, what does that mean? Um, so yeah, I, I agree. I feel like that’s their way of like helping them out. Like some people take it as like.

Oh, it’s so, um, you know, Bri the Bridezilla term so entitled, so it’s bridezilla to do this, but I’m like, I feel like from a bride’s perspective, they’re like, no, I’m, I’m trying to help. Like, I’m just like giving you some guidelines so you like, it’s easier. You’re like,

Lisa P: yeah, it’s a formal event, but it’s also like in a meadow with like grass and flowers and like, yeah, you might not wanna come in like a sequined ball gown.

Like, it’s just not gonna fit the vibe. So like, yeah, here’s the thing.

Christa Innis: Yes. We want you to feel comfortable and at home here. That’s why I always think about it. Um, awesome. What was the last one? Should a maid of honor or best man ever bring someone the bride or groom used to date? Oh, I’m gonna say no.

Lisa P: No, that’s not even like a hot take.

That’s like a obvious one. Yeah,

Christa Innis: I would, I would hope not. I’ve been seeing these like crazy stories lately. Um, someone commented on a video saying that. She was at a wedding where the maid of honor gave a speech for her sister. He was her twin sister. Turns out she had dated the groom before and in her speech talked about how she was a better sister and that he should have picked her.

I was like, how is this real? Like I, I don’t

Lisa P: you marry your sister’s ex-boyfriend. That’s what my thought. Like that. Wait, yeah. Like five steps back.

Christa Innis: How? How? Yeah. I was like, ’cause she’s like, he, when he met the twin, he’d left the other one. So I’m like, how intense was like, were they like teenagers and dated or were they like living together?

Yeah. Was

Lisa P: this like 10 years apart? You know what I mean? Like dated the sister in middle school. Right. Maybe if that’s the situation where it was like a, you know, you were eight years old in third grade handing notes back together and you were like, this is my boyfriend. And then like. If your sister started doing him in college, then I could get it.

That’s like the only scenario I could see that being Right. That’s like just really tricky waters. Like I just like not for me, not for me. It’s not for me. Absolutely not. I have two sisters and never has there been a stream crossed ever in any way, nor would there ever. That is just, Nope.

Christa Innis: No thank you. No, I’m the same with friends too.

Like I know people that I’m like, oh, I dated my friend’s ex, whatever. I’m just like, once a friend is like with that person, I’m like, no, I’m good. Thank you.

Lisa P: Agree. The closest I ever did was I dated for like a long time. A guy that my friend had like a hookup once with, and there was a conversation ahead of time.

Like, there’s gotta be a cur, like a courtesy call, right? Being like, Hey, is this weird for you? Is this okay? Are we okay? Yes. Yeah. ’cause that’s just, that’s real code. I mean, you’ve gotta, oh, sure. You, you can’t date someone’s like. No, that’s no. Yeah, don’t

Christa Innis: bring ’em to a wedding. Please. Definitely. Also don’t

Lisa P: bring them to the wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no surprises. Especially. Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. So these are a bunch of submissions that are sent to me. I don’t read them ahead of time, and we’ll just react in real time. So feel free to stop me or I’ll pause and here we go. Let’s brace ourselves. Okay. This wedding was just one crazy thing after another.

We all flew across the country from Oregon to Georgia. So, um, though some of us flew into Nashville and drove to save some money so the bride could get married at her parents’ house. The thing is they lived in a pretty normal subdivision and Georgia that they had moved to after she went off to college.

So she had no emotional attachment to it, and very few attendees lived nearby. She had been there for a month preparing for the wedding, but when we arrived the week before, she hadn’t done anything with the fake flowers to make them into bouquets. Hadn’t picked a single song for the dj, not even first dance, so we jumped in to help.

While I was helping her compose the song list, her dad yelled at me for being on his computer, even though his daughter was sitting right there with me. The morning of the wedding, the bride was on the front yard, in the front yard, setting up chairs for the ceremony and starting to yell, I’m claustrophobic if you’re not helping set up chairs, get out of the yard and none of you are helping.

We tried to help, but she really didn’t know what she needed help with and kept redoing everything herself, like moving chairs half an inch to the right. Yikes. Um. When she was finally getting ready to get dressed, her mom was nowhere to be found. After waiting over an hour, we sent the bride’s brother to check the neighbor’s houses, and they found her mom getting her hair and makeup done there.

When she finally came back to the bridal suite, which was actually just the master bedroom, the bride wanted a picture of her mom helping her into her dress. For some reason, instead of stepping into it, they lifted it up over her head and fell straight onto the mother of brides. Freshly applied bright red lipstick.

Oh my God, that, that’s my nightmare. That’s terrible. She said yes. It stained the dress. Oh no. If she’s already like that panicky, that’s razzled

Lisa P: and pissed off. Oh my God.

Christa Innis: Uh, everyone panicked. I ran to the computer. This was 2009, no smartphones yet, so I googled to how to, how to get lipstick out of the wedding dress.

I don’t even remember what the solution was, but we found the instructions and luckily the stain wasn’t too noticeable in photos, so we moved on with the day. The bride had insisted to get these fancy high heels that matched the floral belt on her dress. Most of the bridesmaids didn’t order them in time, but we all had to have heels and colors that coordinated with the floral belt.

I was her roommate, so I made sure to order them early. They were expensive and uncomfortable. You were talking about like the having everyone look the same. Um, and of course we had to walk through a yard in them since the aisle was in the grass,

Lisa P: so that was something that was not thought through. Like, this is already just like bad planning like this, this can all be attributed to a lot of bad planning.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This is just like not thinking of like the logistics behind everything. It’s like, yeah, you want these great shoes, but we’re gonna be walking in muddy grass or you know, through the grass. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh. I’m already like bat in heels, so walking in grass is terrible. Um, okay. We basically, um, aerated that lawn, our aerated the lawn ourselves.

I nearly lost a shoe and another bridesmaid almost fell. They, they scheduled the ceremony for 5:00 PM in direct sunlight. In the middle of July, the bride was sweating so much. One of her brothers, a groomsman, passed a handkerchief to the best man who passed it to the groom and handed it to the bride so she could wipe her face.

Oh, that’s another thing. Weddings, outdoor in the middle of the summer. Like you, it’s so hard to plan for. Like I’ve been to a wedding in the middle of July and same thing, we were like covered in sweat. The sun was literally like in our eyes. I dunno how the writing room felt. Oh my gosh. Well

Lisa P: then your hair.

Yeah, and like the hair, the makeup, the whole thing. Like it’s just

Christa Innis: all that time and money is just,

Lisa P: yeah, I know. We got married at the end of April and in Charleston it’s like hit or miss. We like, luckily had a good day, but we almost got rained out so could go the other way.

Christa Innis: Right. And I feel like that’s, it’s like so hard.

’cause you never know, every month has their kind of battles. Like, same with us. We got married the end of March. And it could be like rain, almost rainy season. We had every kinda weather that day. It was like snow, sun, rain or like whatever. Bring it our way. It’s fine. I think I would take

Lisa P: most things over.

Sweating though. Yeah. Rain. I feel like you could just be like, oh well, like

Christa Innis: there’s been a lot of pretty weddings I’ve seen online with rain and they like have like their umbrellas and it’s all like decked

Lisa P: out still. Do you know that scene from Pirates of the Caribbean? It’s like the second one where she’s like.

The wedding got interrupt, interrupted, but she’s like being rained on. Yes. And I always thought that was so beautiful that you could do this like white gothic wedding almost. If you had like the right vibe, it could definitely work out.

Christa Innis: Yes, and I, and I always look at those brides too, and I’m like. This is a bride that’s there to get married.

She’s like more of like, yes. Like let’s look, make it look a aesthetic and everything. But like, I love when they just show them like running down the aisle or like at the end, like getting rained on. I’m like, I love, that’s, it’s romantic. Yeah, it really is.

Lisa P: It’s, it’s an underrated. We had a, we went to one where it was pouring rain and luckily it, like, it was pouring rain the whole way up until like the, like the, she had to walk down the aisle.

Like we were sitting there. Everyone had like. So, you know, our programs covering our heads, like it was raining and then it stopped. Oh my god, I’m gonna get chills. Um, and this like wasn’t even my wedding. And she, she walks down the aisle, the sun comes out, and a rainbow, a double rainbow comes out at the end of their ceremony.

And I just remember thinking like. That’s amazing. Like Bravo, like I had the best photos. Yeah, the photos were unreal. Like it was so well done. Well done weather. Like it was well done. I love that,

Christa Innis: that

Lisa P: Yeah, that’s the thing too. It does not always happen that way, but I was very happy for her.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like right after our rain, it’s like everything just looks like a little brighter, like Yeah.

That’s amazing. I love that, but the

Lisa P: sweating like a pig. Not so much.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: That I, that I’m kind of out on. There’s no aesthetic way to like handle that. There’s no glistening,

Melted Makeup, Broken Microwaves & Bridezilla Chaos

Christa Innis: no, I’m definitely not one to glisten when I’m sweating either. Um, after the ceremony we took a few pictures and they sent us. Up to the reception venue, a community center in their neighborhood, about half a mile away.

The caterers arrived at the same time the bridal party did. It was Mexican food catered by a restaurant, but they microwaved it on site. There weren’t enough outlets in the prep area, so they plugged the microwaves in throughout the room. Naturally, this overwhelmed the circuit. And tripped a breaker. No, someone had to find the breaker box to reset it.

Lisa P: Oh my gosh. This, oh my God. So my background is in catering and the second it was microwaved on scene, I was like, oh, this is gonna be bad. From like a, just from like, it’s gonna be gross kind of way, but also. The breaker box.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because even that alone, like micro, we microwaving all the food. These like golf, I’m assuming

Lisa P: it’s like a golf club type thing.

Like they have kitchens, commercial kitchens. Usually I’m kind of think or usually skates will come and like see where they’re serving from ahead of time. So like that’s an interesting, or they would bring their own like. Affordable kitchen type deal. So

Christa Innis: yeah, that seems like another interesting thing with like logistics.

Like if you’re gonna get married at a place to not, for them to not tell you, like the people that like own the venue to be like, Hey, so we don’t actually have a kitchen, so you have to do, bring it hot

Lisa P: or I don’t know. Yeah, bring it hot, have some chaing dishes ready to go, like. Do they have like six microwaves, like through the reception area?

That’s what I’m picturing.

Christa Innis: We’re just gonna put on the head table for a minute. We gotta warm up. Yeah, just all of

Lisa P: these microwaves just showing up. I’m just like,

Christa Innis: yeah. Oh, this poor bride. Does it get worse? I know. Um, there’s a few more paragraphs, so I’m gonna get. Um, okay. Even after all the guests had arrived and had been just standing around talking for 30 minutes, there was still no sign of the bride groom or photographer.

There was no music, no announcements, and people were hungry. That’s one of my worst things at a wedding. I feel like food needs to be like on time. Priority. Sure.

Lisa P: Yeah. People are hungry. Can be drunk. So like feed them early. Yeah.

Christa Innis: You need to fill their bellies. Yeah. Like weddings where you’re waiting like an extra long time for food.

Like I feel like that you remember food, you remember things around food. At weddings, I. We, the wedding party and bride’s parents finally decide to let people go through the buffet. No one told us not to. About 70 minutes after we arrived and around 15 minutes after everyone, everyone had eaten the bride and groom finally show up.

So they’re all eating before the bride and groom come. ’cause no one knows where they are.

Lisa P: I get it. Sometimes you do like cocktail hour or you do like, but you gotta feed people or give ’em drinks or something. Long time.

Christa Innis: You have to think about it as like you’re hosting a party and so like your guests need to be taken care of.

Like yeah, you run away sometimes and do photos and stuff, but it sounds, yeah.

Lisa P: Photos after the ceremony are super standard, but like that’s usually when there’s like cocktail hour with some bites and some food.

Christa Innis: It sounds like there was no like wedding planner or coordinator or some, oh, no, there was no plan.

Get this in the. Oh my gosh. So at that point, the DJ announces them. The bride was livid, that people had eaten Without them, not much we could do. At that point, we had gotten them plates and had them sit down so the rest of the schedule could continue. During the cake cu cutting the groom ended up dripping chocolate down the front of the bride’s dress.

This poor, let’s just go to bed at this point. Done? Yep. Oh my God. Why are we having drip dripping chocolate? Like, we gotta think about these

Lisa P: things

Christa Innis: when we pick our desserts.

Lisa P: Dripping chocolate. I’m not sure I understand, unless it’s like a fondue thing, but,

Christa Innis: uh, yeah. Yeah. Maybe it’s like a. Was that chocolate fountain or something?

I don’t know. Oh gosh. The bridesmaids helped her to the bathroom to clean it up, and of course it just smeared. Luckily she was able to laugh this one off. Okay, that’s good. Good. Okay.

Lisa P: That’s

Christa Innis: a win. Yeah. The next day we saw the couple at brunch before they left for their honeymoon. The only thing the bride could say about the wedding was that she still couldn’t believe that we let people eat before they arrived.

She said it on repeat even after we explained the situation and we even had to remind her of the good parts. We actually stayed friends after that until I broke up with a boyfriend who I’m only, who I only dated for about 10 months, and she had only known for about five. He must have said something wild about me because she texted me saying she was worried about me.

I explained why I broke up with him. He was manipulative, verbally, abusive, narcissistic, and basically never heard from her again after that. Whoa. Interesting. Whoa. That’s a

Lisa P: interesting, uh, that was, that was a wild ending to like, this girl stuck it out for this wedding. Like that she was doing her best to make this day happen.

I know. And after all that, to just get a friend broken up with Yeah. What, I mean, the ex-boyfriend must have said something really heinous.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lisa P: Like, I feel like you should corroborate that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would feel like. Like, if any of my friends, if their boyfriend or partner came to me and said something, I’d be like, yeah, I’m gonna trust my friend over you.

Yeah. I’m gonna

Lisa P: double check on that. I’m

Christa Innis: gonna, we’re

Lisa P: gonna have a

Christa Innis: talk. Yeah. Um, so she just ends with, last I saw she and her husband are still married with kids and seem happy, at least from what I can tell on Facebook. So, um,

They Thought They Could Plan a Wedding…

Lisa P: well, thank goodness they, you know, the, I feel like the, the older generation always says the worse the wedding, the better the marriage.

Or at least that’s, I think what they say like. To make people feel better about things like that. Yeah, yeah. Um, that honestly, I dunno if I, like, I feel like these things didn’t happen to this couple. I feel like this couple like thought they could plan a wedding and did and could not, like, could not plan a wedding and realized way too late.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I find because of the weddings I’ve been a part of, I find there’s a lot of times where people just. Nice as nicely as I can put it. They live in fairytale Land, so they like see a movie and they’re like, oh, that looks beautiful. But they don’t realize there’s all these people, people behind the scenes that make it possible.

So they have all these wishes or like desires for things to happen, and they think it’ll just happen on that day. They don’t realize like, okay, well if you want catering, then you need to have. Someone to set it up or you need a kitchen, or if you want your bridesmaids to wear these dresses, you need like an aisle for them to walk down or you need, you know, like they don’t think of all the things it takes.

Pay attention to detail, which

Lisa P: is why there are wedding planners.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Lisa P: Sometimes people can’t do that and you need someone to help you. And again, like we only had a day of wedding planners, so I did a lot of the planning myself, but I feel like I had. I had a lot of like friend vendors, so like that helped out.

But also just like, I don’t know, have you never thrown a party? Like there’s certain things, you know, alcohol, food, logistics, schedule like I do that when I throw my kids’ birthday party. You know what I mean? It’s the same skill. Yeah, you still gotta feed people, you’ve gotta make sure people can get there.

Um, probably wanna set up ahead of time. These are like pretty standard. Yeah. For hosting anything, not just a wedding. And a wedding is like 10 times more intense.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. I know. My husband always laughs at me. ’cause like even for our daughter’s party, like birthday parties, which are like two, three hours max.

I like write out a whole timeline. I’m like, okay, food arrives at this time. People arrive at this time. Like I just, I have to visualize. Oh I’m, it’s funny, I’m like type A when it comes to like planning stuff like that, but like I see type A like mom videos and I’m like, I don’t think I’m a type A mom. I think I’m a type A like planner.

I don’t even know if that makes sense. But

Lisa P: I have some of that too. I feel like when it comes down to making sure things like kind of run smoothly, I can be very hands-on. I don’t make a timeline, so like I feel like that’s, that might be my next step over the top might be my next step. Um. Yeah, like I love hosting, I love cooking and like cooking very much is about timing and execution.

So like that sort of skill, like my biggest pet peeve is when I’m like finished cooking and I’ve timed everything and I’ve told people like when food’s gonna be ready? And then they’re like, absent mindedly, like mingling or something. I’m like, no, no, no. The food is hot and ready. Like right now.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This is the now time.

Right now. This is even time

Lisa P: we must sell now.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, for sure. I feel like those definitely all those things, like I feel like when we said like, have you like hosted or whatever, I think there are a lot of like brides that this is their first time, like really like hosting something. You should not be

Lisa P: doing

Christa Innis: it on your own.

Like Yeah,

Lisa P: if it’s your never hosting anything, you’ve never done like a holiday party or you’ve never hosted your friend’s birthday party. Mm-hmm. Don’t try with the wedding, the wedding’s not the time to like take a stab.

Christa Innis: I know, I think that’s when it gets so stressful. I was the same with you where I, as you were, I had, I pretty much planned it, but like our event, our wedding venue had a day of coordinator and people don’t realize how helpful that is because that person’s gonna like do the behind the scenes, running around, making sure things are where they need to be.

And I’ve done that for a few weddings now and that I love doing it because I’m like. You tell me what to do. You tell me what needs to be done, I’ll make sure it’s done. Don’t get dirty. I will do that

Lisa P: if you want to. And like back to what we were saying before with, I wish I had been a guest at my wedding.

If I had also been like running around coordinating the, the staff and the vendors and the, the drop offs and the pickups, you’re not having any fun like that. You’re not having any good of a time at all because you’re so stressed about the comings and goings and there’s so much that goes into. Getting everybody where they need to be at the right time.

Right. Like and getting everything to execute.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: I am like a huge proponent of, even if you don’t do a planner for like the whole wedding prep. The whole wedding planning, definitely a day of like, yeah. But maybe that you’re like engagement gift right? From your parents or your in-laws or something. A day of coordinator.

Christa Innis: Yeah, just someone to like ease a little bit of the stress because you don’t wanna just like randomly like. Task people with it that day. ’cause they’re not gonna be thinking about it. And it’s just, yeah, there’s random things that just pop up. For sure.

Lisa P: They really are.

Christa Innis: All right, well, that was a crazy story.

All right, I always like to end these. I know we’re running short on time, but I always like to end these with weekly confessions, so people send me confessions kinda related to event or weddings, um, on social media. So let’s see here. This first one says, um. I absolutely hate the girl that my sister-in-law loves.

It makes me hate seeing my sister-in-law, too. Oh,

Lisa P: well hopefully that doesn’t last long.

Christa Innis: I don’t know. Yeah, I That’s, that’s tough. ’cause you can only do something much when it’s, when it’s a, a sister-in-law. I’m guessing it’s like a, your. Partner’s sister? I would guess so. You probably can’t.

Lisa P: That’s what I assumed.

I assumed it was like your partner’s, sister’s girlfriend that we were going with. That’s okay.

Christa Innis: That’s what I would get.

Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. And like you usually button your mouth until you have to not button your mouth on that one.

Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Wait till they say something to you and they ask for your opinion, or something happens and you can be like, well, here’s what I think.

Until then, you gotta let it work itself out. Otherwise you’ll be the villain. Oh, absolutely. Yep. Um, this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?

Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.

Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.

Christa Innis: That sounds like, and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to like control the wedding because mm-hmm. I, I see the make room like you had to, like who’s, who said

Lisa P: you had to.

Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. Mm. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for in a, a little while.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to, we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. Um, okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.

Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, oh, I’ve had a, I had a feeling, um, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.

Lisa P: I had a

Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?

Lisa P: Yes. I knew before they got married that they did like they, that, that, that she did not really want to start all over is like how she kind of put it.

Mm-hmm. Um. I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes

If You Have Doubts, Don’t Walk Down the Aisle

Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite, uh, opposite happened to me. I, and I’ve talked about this before, um, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.

And she, and she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, maybe we like, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.

Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.

If there’s like, if there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. Like you, you getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. Um, no, no. If it’s not right and like, this is why, uh, so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.

Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because you know when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, you know, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s like, God, what a wait.

Not a lot of waste because like a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. But you know, you don’t have to get married like. You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s like, you know, it’s just not something that, if you can, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.

Don’t do it. Right, a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it was like, I totally agree with you what you just said about like, you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.

So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we, like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel like. So many people have this, like their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of like, okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.

I need to have a baby. And you feel like you have to follow this timeline.

Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the, at the moment. Like, and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two kids, um, by 30 and like I did, but. You know, now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. Like you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember like, I would like if it were just like my hu like then boyfriend, but husband and I, I just like doing our own thing. Like, we’d be like totally fine and then like someone would like bring up like, oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?

And like, it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like. Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that like wrong? And you start getting this like, no, because half

Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so like, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. Mm-hmm. Um, well, and like

Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. Are unhappily married for so long without actually like admitting like, I actually hate this.

Oh, they wrong

Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, so, you know, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? Like, I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.

So. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already like wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And like kind of feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s like.

People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: Uh, and they usually choose better.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Like.

Lisa P: They get to choose somebody that they truly just genuinely wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do, who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like, well, it’s been three years since college.

Like, I guess you’re the guy.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. Like, let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, like I feel like it kind of saddles us down. Um, oh yeah. In a.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, that’s definitely another thing with, as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.

My husband and I since like one year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? And, and I like, and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.

Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different like financial point in my life and I just feel like we need to like, and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ’cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.

But I just feel like it’s so important to like listen to your own timeline. ’cause I have friends now that are like,

Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without like the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that, that we were kind of sold.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like. The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and she, you know, or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. You know, I try to like show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to kind of open the horizons up a little bit.

Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughter is, I mean, she still like, very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. Like I, you know, some people just like really have that desire. Um, but she still is like, well maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.

And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you do both.

Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that. Yeah. Yes. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was such a good discussion and I feel like it was good to kind of like just kind of talk about like, obviously the pressures on women and Bridezillas and there’s just a lot of cool things we talked about, so thank you for coming.

Yeah, I loved it.

Lisa P: This is such a fun topic. I’m sure you get so entertained hearing all these stories, so that was so fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah, they always, they never cease to, uh, surprise or amaze me. It’s, it’s always something new. I bet. Yeah. Well, for anyone listening, um, where can everyone follow you, find more of your content and anything exciting that you wanna share?

Lisa P: Yeah. Um, you can find me on mostly TikTok and Instagram. My handle is, it’s me, Lisa PI like to say I talk about hard topics in cute outfits. Um, and that covers relationships and marriage and parenting and boundaries and setting boundaries once you have kids, which I feel like once you get past the bride phase, that’s coming next.

Mm-hmm. Um, and you can find me there. Um, and. I would like to say I have something big in the works coming, but I don’t because I homeschool my kids and this is what we’re doing. And that’s big in. That is big in

Christa Innis: in itself like mom and is a full-time job.

Lisa P: Yeah. I wear a lot of hats, that’s for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much. Thank you

Lisa P: very much. Have a good one.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Blog Transcript:

Parents Became Best Friends… Until the Wedding Planning Began

They Were Supposed to Be Co-Grandparents

Mood Boards, Dress Codes & Wedding Boundaries

Melted Makeup, Broken Microwaves & Bridezilla Chaos

They Thought They Could Plan a Wedding…

If You Have Doubts, Don’t Walk Down the Aisle

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