boundary setting

A $16K Scam, a Shocking Threat, & Knowing Your Limits - with Kendra Matthies

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

They cried. They complained. They blamed everyone else. And then the check bounced.

This week’s wedding submission spirals into accusations, threats, and a bounced $16K check that leaves vendors stunned. Joined by Kendra Matthies, Christa dissects the chaos, calling out toxic wedding norms, contract misunderstandings, and entitlement disguised as innocence.

Then we dive into wedding confessions: maid of honor regrets, guest list battles, and the quiet urge to just elope. Buckle up, this one is totally WILD!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Step Back to Protect Health – The burnout no one talks about, and how constant entitlement can push vendors to their breaking point.
The $16K Wedding Scam – A venue hosts a full wedding… then the final check bounces and chaos erupts.
Cake on the Floor, Tears in the Room – Accusations fly after a cake mishap sparks emotional manipulation and blame.
“We Know the Owner” Energy – Why entitlement shows up loudest at weddings and small businesses feel it hardest.
Pastor Threats & Legal Pressure – A shocking twist involving church leadership and intimidation tactics.
Vendor Survival Tips – Kendra breaks down contracts, deposits, and protecting your business.
Elopement Temptation – Skipping the drama and choosing peace over performance.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My wedding is important to me, but I don’t expect it to be the most important thing in everyone else’s life.” – Christa Innis
“I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or not enough of a wife or a friend.” – Christa Innis
“Contracts exist because of people like this.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding was literally built on a lie.” – Christa Innis
“People love boundaries until they apply to them.” – Christa Innis
“At some point, this stops being ignorance and starts being entitlement.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to have a chronic illness to need to know your limits.” – Kendra Matthies
“Give an inch, they take a mile, every single time.” – Kendra Matthies
“If you signed the contract, that’s on you. Don’t blindly sign, consult.” – Kendra Matthies
“As a business owner, your pricing should protect you, not depend on tips.” – Kendra Matthies
“Stop expecting discounts from people you barely know.” – Kendra Matthies
“It is never worth it to put yourself in debt for a wedding.” – Kendra Matthies
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, and we’re not awake for all of them.” – Kendra Matthies

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a Michigan‑based bridal makeup artist, licensed esthetician, beauty educator, and social creator with over a million fans across social platforms. She’s built her career helping hundreds of brides glow on their big day and teaching other artists how to thrive in the beauty world, with real talk about technique, clients, and the sometimes brutal backstage truth of weddings and events.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Kendra.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, how’s it going?

Christa Innis: Good. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Kendra Matthies: It’s so great to be back. It does not feel like it’s been like what, a year since we filmed our last episode together, so I’m so excited. It’s been so cool to see how your podcast has grown.

I’ve loved watching everybody’s little interviews and everything. It’s been really entertaining, so it’s super cool to be back again.

Christa Innis: I know. I, I think the fun thing about it is just being able to connect to so many people. Like, I feel like if it weren’t for this podcast, like we would never have had like a sit down to like, talk like this or, yeah, it’s, it just makes it so fun and like forces me outta my shell too, because like, I feel like working from home, like I just like, I just have like a plan of like what I do and like a lot of times I don’t see a lot of people, so it’s a great, great way to connect.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, I won’t lie. This is the first time I’ve worn makeup in like a month beyond just like tinted SPF and some freaking mascara. I’m like, well, I better put on a face today because I’m filming an episode. So thank you for giving me a reason to get dolled up. Hey,

Christa Innis: anytime. No, you feel like people expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, like, oh, they expect me to have full face.

Kendra Matthies: So, yes, and I will say that it’s, if I’m doing makeup clients, I do try to put like a little bit more makeup on, but my day to day, I’m an esthetician. So I mean, my day to day is more like facial clients, eyebrows, lashes, things like that. And I feel like most of my clients are more regulars now where they’re coming every six to eight weeks, and I don’t think that they really care that I’m just wearing some tinted moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup clients, I think that it does. One, there is that level of professionalism. I feel, and this can be heavily debated too, like some people feel you don’t have to wear makeup as a professional makeup artist while you are doing work. But for me, I find that the very few times that I haven’t done that, I get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense, where it’s like, um, are you sure you’re gonna be able to do this? So I think being able to be like, I do know how to do makeup. Right. It’s a little bit more comforting to the person. Yeah. And a little bit more encouraging. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s probably, yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you’re hiring for someone for hair or for nails, you are looking at their hand and nails. Although I feel like whenever I get my nails done, like they’re probably just like so busy that like they are more worried about their client and less about their own. Yeah. Which makes sense for sure. So, so like we said, it’s been like a year since you’ve been on, so what’s like.

What’s been new for you? What have you kind of done over the last year that you’re like, I know you’ve been speaking at events I’ve been seeing and Yes. What’s kind of your big thing you’re working on or did the last year? So

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

Kendra Matthies: in the past year, it was a lot of traveling. I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch of different conferences. I taught a lot at different conferences around the country. Um, I did my first kind of like independent class where it wasn’t in relation to any of those, and that was really exciting. Um, but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim. I got to go to Orlando, Chicago, Denver, uh, yeah, kind of all over.

Christa Innis: Is it, is it all like. Students that go to your classes or can like anyone go to

Kendra Matthies: your class? So it is typically for the conferences and stuff, those are beauty professionals only. Okay. But people who are in cosmetology school, esthetician school, anything like that they can come to. But these ones, it is more of like just for the industry, but they’re very, very packed.

Um, so it’s definitely not like I’m feeling like I’m missing out on seeing a lot of people, which is really cool too. It definitely feels like I’m still offering a good amount of education. But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals when it comes to those types of things. I would love to do more open to the public type of classes.

Um, it’s just trying to find the time between bridal season to make that happen. Um. But yeah, so it definitely got to meet a lot of the beauty, uh, students, makeup artists, cosmetologists, hairstylists, barbers, all the things. Yeah. Uh, that follow me in person. So that was really nice. And I love doing these events.

Um, like the one that happens in Chicago. I’ve done that for, I think this is my fourth year being with them teaching. Um, and so it’s been cool to just see the growth of myself, but also when people come back and they’re taking my classes again, and now they’re telling me, you know, I, when I first came, I was still a student and now I own my own makeup studio, or I own my own salon, or I’ve been at a salon for however many years and I’m getting steady clientele.

Like, it’s just been really cool to do that. So that has been a big thing travel wise. And then just weddings. I mean, I was pretty busy this year. I did make the decision to. Kind of step back from taking every wedding. And mostly because I one was doing so much other traveling with teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability to do that, even though I did still have where I would be leaving a wedding to jump on a flight to go teach at these places. Right. Um, but I did take a step back typically in a year. You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to 60 ish weddings, but I just, that’s wild.

It’s a lot. And I made the decision last year to step back and I wanted to take only about 30 weddings just to give myself a little bit more time. Um, which I think was really smart. Uh, not just for me, but it let me learn a lot about myself and, uh. I think it was the really healthy thing for me to do and I think that it’s gonna be a good thing that I learned those things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man, like yeah, it’s so easy to get locked into the go, go, go. And once you do, take that step back, it’s like, whoa. I don’t, I guess I have been like in fight or flight for the past eight years because I’ve just been doing so many weddings. So I did make that decision. That’s something I’m moving forward with, um, in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too. I want to do more teaching this year. But yeah, so weddings last year I got to do my first couple, um, further out of state weddings, which was exciting. I got to go to New York to do a wedding. Um, so yeah, just lots. Travel was kind of the theme of last year. Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a really like common thing I hear, like, whether it’s like wedding industry or just like starting your own business. It’s like. It’s really exciting, like when your business grows and you just wanna say yes to everybody. And I’ve like, I feel like I’ve had so many conversations with people, they’re like, all of a sudden it just like hit me like I’m burned out.

I can’t say yes to everybody. I was talking to a wedding planner, I’m trying to think of what month it was, maybe like a month or two ago. A friend of mine and she was like, similar thing. Like she was like, I’m finally like toning it back, back with weddings a little bit because she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in that like wedding season. And she like, it’s just exhausting. But you’re just like, go, go, go. And you’re like, this is exciting, it’s fun. But then you realize like, I don’t have time to myself or like my body hurts. I’m actually like. Well, and

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Kendra Matthies: that’s the thing too. That’s something I really had to be mindful of.

I think I’ve shared this before, but I am somebody that I do struggle with chronic illnesses and I am physically disabled. I have my hip replaced. So I mean, I do feel like as I’m getting older, I do need to also be mindful of myself. Mm-hmm. Because there were times in recent years before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding. And actually, here’s a good little story for me to tell. I guess I had a wedding where it was at a hotel and I had a pretty decently long day on average. Nowadays, the most I will take alone to do makeup is probably about seven, maybe eight people, but probably closer to seven.

I don’t like to go over that too much because it’s just, that’s a lot of standing without being able to take a drink of water or go to the bathroom, things like that. Um, so I had, I wanna say around about eight people and I got done with the wedding. I had been there from like, I wanna say five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay. 12, one o’clock. Sorry. Math is not my strong suit at this moment. That’s okay. So let’s say I got done around like one, um, and I say goodbye to everybody. Everybody’s happy, everything’s awesome, and I knew I was not feeling well. Um, so one of the conditions I have, it’s called pots, which you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. For those who are listening who don’t know what that is. And in very, very, very basic terms, when I am standing, my heart rate is elevated. When I am in the heat, it gets elevated even more. That’s a trigger for me. Um, high stress situations can cause me to get like even worse.

So I get done with the, uh, wedding, take the elevator downstairs, uh, go out to my car and I put my stuff in my car. Sit down. I leaned back and I closed my eyes and I actually passed out. I didn’t realize that I did. Oh my gosh. But it was probably about, I would say, somewhere between like five to eight minutes before I like opened my eyes again.

And that’s when I realized that I needed to start calming down. I needed to start taking less weddings. So after that wedding that was, I wanna say in 24, leading into 25, I decided I just needed to really skill back. So I think that if it wouldn’t have been for something like that happening, I probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don’t have to have a chronic illness. You don’t have to be physically disabled, you don’t have to be anything to I. Need to know your limits, to need to know what your end goal really is. Do you want to constantly be in a state of stress with like panic all the time of planning or, um, you know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn’t be your life. Like, yeah, you should be able to have somewhat of a balance. And I did see somebody post something recently, like, does anyone know when I actually reach this work life balance? Like, is that even a thing? And I think that there’s no real set template of this is what works, this is what doesn’t work.

You kind of just have to figure it out as you go. And that’s kind of what I’ve had to do is just realize once I hit my limit, scale back until it feels. Comfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s so funny you say that because I, I just made a video talking about, I don’t know if it was necess, I might have been kind of like implying work-life balance, but I did say something about like, one of the things I’m struggling with is trying to find balance.

’cause I feel like mm-hmm. The planner part in me always wants things to be like this. And when I’m not productive I get so hard on myself. And so I’ll have like days where I’m like, everything’s like done, that I need to, I check the boxes. And the other days where I’m just not productive and I’m just like, where’s this balance?

Or like, I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or I’m not enough of a wife or a friend. You know, that pull of like needing to do all these things. So I totally relate.

Kendra Matthies: I think that one thing that I heard in my life. From just a friend of mine, and I don’t even think she was trying to be any sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking. She said that if I’m ever over excelling in one portion of my life, I’m failing in another. Mm-hmm. And that has really stuck with me. And I don’t think that that’s negative, like necessarily a negative thing. I think that if you think of your life as right now, I want to be really excelling in my career, you have to also understand that that does equate that maybe you’re.

Weekends are a little bit less, your friend time is gonna be a little bit less, and it’s not ever to me that things will ever be 50 50 balance. I think that if you want to be excelling in one way, you have to give up a couple of things for it to be balanced so that you’re not trying to keep up with the friendships every single weekend we’re going out.

It’s just not possible. And then you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself when at the end of the day, especially in this type of career, when your own, you are your own boss, you’re setting your own goals and aspirations and things like that. The only person who is holding you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on yourself with things like that, you’re never gonna feel balanced. You’re never gonna feel like you’re accomplishing enough and you’re never gonna feel like you. You’ve done it, you’ve ne you’re never gonna feel comfortable. You’re never gonna feel stable. You’re always gonna be reaching for more or wanting to do more.

And it’s not bad to have goals and have aspirations, but you can’t, you can’t stress to yourself out to the point that you are holding yourself to not possible standards like it, it physically can’t happen. There’s 24 hours in a day. People love to say that. Mm-hmm. We’re not awake and going for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a person, whether you are just a person, person, whether you’re a business owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist, whatever, the balance doesn’t come 50 50. It’s how can I rearrange things in my life to feel like what I’m wanting to focus on right now? Is what I’m focusing on and I’m not stressing about trying to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm. I hope that makes sense.

Christa Innis: No, it totally does. No, I love that because it’s kinda like different seasons require different balances and different priorities. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, you made a good point. It was like last year was my first full year, I would say, as an entrepreneur. I started in 2023 of my own business, but last year with like the social media consulting and all that stuff.

And so I think I put like so much effort in it, but it was also my daughter’s second year of life. She’s like, I’m trying to think of like how the year’s worth Yeah. Versus birthdays so second year of life. So I’m like, oh, it’s such an important stage. And then there’s the mom guilt and so you like push it back and forth.

But I’m like, I also have the benefit of being home with her. So I do get to be home with her more than I think most working moms get to. So I kind have to remember like that’s, that’s a something that I get that, or what’s the word I’m looking for? That’s a. A privilege or an like, something that I have that not a lot of people are able to do.

So, um, so, you know, just kind of realizing those things and, and stepping outside of it is like, is important. So yeah. I feel like that was like a mini therapy session. Thank you.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. You’re welcome. Most of that comes to you via my therapist. Thank you Theresa. We love you. Thank you. Yes.

Christa Innis: I always hear things like that.

I’m like, maybe I should go back to therapy. I’m like, just so I have someone like talk to you about things like that. ’cause it’s like, no,

Kendra Matthies: I think everybody needs a therapist. I think everybody should go to therapy. Even if you don’t feel like you are struggling with something right now. Even if it’s not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean? I don’t think that, I don’t think that you will ever not benefit from having somebody to talk to that’s not biased, that can help you work through situations. Even if it’s just that you’re going through a hard time at work or. Kind of what we’re talking about. Like maybe you are struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn’t say when you’re struggling with those things, most people in your life are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy. Right. But I do think that if you are in therapy while you’re going through those things in your life, you’re gonna benefit from it. You’re never gonna be like, why did I even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always benefit from therapy. Oh,

Christa Innis: for sure. Yeah. I think it’s like one of those things where it’s just good to sometimes like say it out loud. Yeah. Because I even like the people that submit stories to me too, like these like wedding drama stories or relationship things. They, they always tell me at the end, or should say like a lot of times at the end they’re like, even if you don’t use this, it was really good for me just to like type it out.

’cause they’re like, it allowed me to like see what happened and understand how I feel about it. ’cause I think so many times, like we’re talking about is like, go, go, go. What the heck just happened? Oh, well next problem. You know, you kind of just push it aside. So I think it’s absolutely so beneficial. And I think therapy too is way less stigmatized than it was like when we were like children maybe.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely gone to therapy multiple times in my life at like different points where like stress was super high or something was going on. But it’s funny, I’ve told someone this also in this one before, probably not on the podcast, but um, the last therapist I had, um, I loved her. She was great, but she like dismissed me at the end.

She’s like, all right, I think we solved the problem. We’re gonna be done now. And then, like she just said, I was done. And I remember telling my boss at the time, ’cause he’s really like, open about therapy and mental health. Yeah. It’s like, oh, I’ve never had that happen before. And I was like, I, that I’ve never had that happen to me either.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I’ve, I’ve gone to therapy for the past. I wanna say that I started therapy in 2020 and I’ve been seeing the same therapist since then. And I’ve taken breaks, you know, when. I got off my parents’ insurance or whatever and I, well I can’t afford it right now. I gotta pay for that. Um, yeah. And then gotten back on with her and yeah, there’s never been a time even when I felt like I was doing well and the therapy was more of just like a moment for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Um. Where she’s been like, alright, great. The only thing I would say that she ever says is, do you feel like we still need to meet monthly? Or would you wanna maybe push it out to two months? That makes sense to me. But to be like, well, we solved the problem. I don’t think that therapy always needs to be, and I’m not saying that it’s never this way, but I don’t think that it always needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life. Things keep happening. Who’s to say that She didn’t say? Um, you know, we solved the problem. That’s it. And then a week later you have some major tragedy happen in your life and you have nobody to talk to.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I mean, you have friends, you have family, but you don’t have an unbiased person who knows how you think, knows how you processes things.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of odd. I’m sorry you

Christa Innis: had that experience. Oh yeah. It was so odd. I was just like, at the time I was like, oh, cool. And then later I was like, wait, is that supposed to happen? I don’t know. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe I need therapy to talk about that therapy.

Kendra Matthies: You’re like, actually,

Christa Innis: actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

Um, oh, there’s no topic. Whatever. We’re, we’re talking

Kendra Matthies: we’re yapping. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Back to pause really quick. I just have a quick question about that. So like, yeah, what was your first, like symptoms you just noticed like your heart rate would kind of increase

Kendra Matthies: a long time? So I have a little bit of an odd story kind of when it comes to my health in general.

Um, so I have always really struggled with, like, exercise was always really difficult for me and not in the sense of like, I don’t wanna do it, but it would be like, I don’t want to do it as a child and like I’m running, playing basketball and I’m great at sports and I’m awesome at like these things at a young age, but.

I’m having to like ask to get taken out to take a break and I’m like beat red and blood pooling in my legs and all that. Yeah. I really noticed it amping up after I had my hip replaced. Um, and I’ve, POTS is one of a few things that I deal with, but I mean, I was on, or not even my hip replace, I have had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental one to see if we could kind of push off the replacement so that I wouldn’t have to get multiple throughout my life. Um, but it only gave me like four-ish years of relief. Yeah. Um, so after that surgery I was still on the crutches from that surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing. I was at work. I’m gonna pause for a second ’cause my neighbor’s coming downstairs. No, you’re good. We’ll edit this out. Yeah.

Okay. So, um,

okay. So I had had my first hip surgery and I actually passed out at work, like smacked my head off of a counter. It was a whole thing. Paramedics had to come. It was not great. Um, but then I was noticing like it was just happening a lot more and. Mostly it was like starting to amp up. The more I was like stressed because I found out now for me, stress and the heat are like my biggest triggers when it comes to pot, my pots.

Um, and so I had a family member pass away and I had to sing at their funeral. And I don’t even remember the last like verse that I’m singing. Thank God I said the words correctly. Um, but I sang that stepped back. I was up in the balcony, so thankfully I wasn’t also in front of everybody. But I like stepped back, looked over to a family friend and was like, I’m gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine. Um, and then after my second surgery, my hip replacement, that’s when a lot of my other chronic illnesses started. Um, I also have a condition called mast cell activation syndrome, which. Basically for me, your mast cells are the cells that kind of check out foreign invaders, like things coming into the body and they go, we good or not good?

I’m not a medical professional, so if I’m saying this wrong, but I do know that they are the reason that histamine is put out. And so for me, my mast cells are kind of always activated, hence mast cell activation syndrome. Um, but what that means for me is I’ve developed a lot of allergies, um, and I can like develop new ones to random things and that might be just, I’m itchy, but it’s also like I go anaphylactic.

So I have to be, I’ve had a whole life shift because of all of that. Um, but because of my mast cell activation syndrome and um, pots. If one of them gets mad, the other one gets mad. So I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve, I mean, I’ve passed out quite a bit and not everyone with POTS will, that’s kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand up and instantly pass out. That’s not typically the case. Like some people will, but it’s more of like a constant state of feeling, um, like out of it, I guess. Like brain fog is massive with pots. Um, I, it’s, it affects your entire autonomic nervous system. So that’s like breathing, that’s like digestion.

That’s your heart rate, your temperature control, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s affected me in a lot of ways, which is again, when I started realizing like, okay, this is affecting me when I’m taking too many weddings. That’s, I really need to step back, but. Definitely it was like heart racing. Um, I wear a device that’s called a visible armband.

I’m not wearing it today because I’m sitting, but it basically will show me second by second what’s going on with my heart rate and alert me if I’ve been in the red zone for too long, if I am, you know, more opt to, uh, need to take a break or anything like that. So, mm-hmm. I wear that now. But, uh, yeah, it, it’s not fun.

It’s definitely been one of the most debilitating things for me. Um, and I think that. It’s something that I wanna talk more about. So I’m glad that we get to talk about it here because we don’t, we don’t really get to see much representation of people that are entrepreneurs that are also dealing with things like this, or business owners that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it’s kind of stereotypical that it’s more like you’re a boss, babe, and you’re just go, go, go. Awesome. And what people don’t see with people like me who are chronically ill or whatever are, you know, the days that, I mean, I’ve even had here, this is, I’m at my store right now, but I’ve even had here where between clients I know I’ve got 20 minutes, I am not doing well, and I’m taking my emergency meds, I’m laying on the floor with my feet elevated for 15 minutes and then quick getting back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients. I’m just having to take breaks. So, yeah. That was a really long thing,

Christa Innis: but No, no, but that’s good. Like you said, it’s something that I think all people can learn more about and I think be able to see like the behind the curtain kind of thing because Yeah. Um, it’s, it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and so that’s why I was like really curious about like your first symptoms and then kind of how you handle it now when you know it’s like coming on or, you know, feeling a certain type.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, it’s hard too because the handling it thing isn’t really like, it’s one of those conditions that there’s a huge. Spectrum. You could be somebody with pots and if you’re listening to this now and you have pots that this is the case, please comment below because I want people to feel not alone, but you could be somebody with pots that you are on disability, you can’t get out of bed, you’re having people coming to your house, giving you IV infusions at home because you physically can’t stand.

Mm-hmm. It can be that severe. And then there’s people like me that are kind of somewhere in the middle, like in wedding season, which unfortunately for me is when here is obviously like summer fall, when it’s warmer. So I’m getting like at least monthly infusions, but people aren’t seeing that. I’m not showing that, oh, come with me to get my iv.

Right. Um, and then constantly taking salt pills so that my blood pressure stays somewhat level. Um, making sure that I’m like actually forcing myself to take. Drinks and stuff like that, working that time into my client’s timelines, things like that. Um, there’s this huge spectrum of pots and I think that it’s becoming more well known, which I’m really happy about, but I think that people aren’t seeing enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit like, oh, well if you have pots, why aren’t you just on disability? It’s not easy to do that. It’s not easy to, yeah. You know, so thank you for letting me talk about that. I’m really happy that I got to share that with people.

Christa Innis: No, of course. Yeah, and you make a good point too, about, I think like in general, when someone hear about a disability or an autoimmune, they’ll, they’ll relate to one person they know and they don’t realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe symptoms all the time, like you said, and some maybe internally battling every single day. And some might have some, uh, some smaller symptoms or, you know. Yeah. And so I think it’s important to see that there’s a wide span and to just, you know, give grace to people and kind understand it kind of, every situation might be a little bit different as well.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Thank you for sharing that. No, I, I was curious ’cause uh, I, I didn’t really know much about it.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. Yes.

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

Christa Innis: Um, okay. So let’s get into some of the. Wedding hot takes before we get to the story. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Started a new thing since last time, because I don’t think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag? Mm. So you’re just gonna, I’m gonna say a sentence and then you’ll just say if it’s a red flag or a green flag.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Replacing a bridesmaid close to the wedding,

Kendra Matthies: that’s a hard one though, because I guess I know I should, I know you wanna answer a red flag, green flag. It really depends on the situation though. I know, I know. That’s a hard one. So, as a vendor, I would say maybe it’s red flag for planning purposes and like scheduling purposes, depending on how close, like if it’s the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like jarring, but I don’t wanna say it’s a full red flag because. If that person in your bridal party was going to be chaotic or causing you tons of stress, or maybe there’s been a massive falling out green flag, please don’t have them there. I don’t wanna have to be around that either.

I don’t wanna be set in in that stressful situation and I don’t want my client in that stressful situation. So, man, that’s a hard one. I would say that really depends, but I’m leaning, I guess, more towards green.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these scenarios, there’s so much, like so many details that could change it.

Yeah. It’s like everyone’s perspective and Yeah. Um, okay. Expecting attendance and every pre-wedding event. Say that again? Expecting attendance at every pre-wedding event. So the brides like you have to come to the engagement party, the shower, all that.

Kendra Matthies: No, that’s a red flag to me. You can’t expect everyone to be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose the plot on a lot when they’re brides is thinking that. I think when you’re a bride, that is the most important thing to you. That’s what the majority of your planning is going towards for at least a year in most cases. Um, so to you, that’s like end goal, most important thing.

That’s, think of the times that you’ve been in a wedding though. Maybe if it’s like your best, best friend, but like life goes on, you have other things going on. Maybe your, maybe somebody in your bridal party or an attendant or something. Maybe they have somebody else getting married. They can’t come. Like you can’t expect people to just always, always be there.

Is it nice? Yes. But I would never hold it against somebody if they couldn’t come to something. I mean, I had people RSVP yes to my wedding. I had a very small wedding. We had like 50 people. Mm-hmm. And I had people very close to me. RSVP. Yes. And they couldn’t come because of X, Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m never talking to that person again. I can’t believe they wouldn’t come. Like that’s, that’s a little bit of a red flag to me.

Christa Innis: I know. It always gets lost on me when they’re like, you must attend every single thing. My wedding’s the priority and I’m like, I realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is the, like, yeah, it’s important to me, but like I don’t expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else or anybody else for that matter. No. Yeah. I mean, that’s crazy. Like I have friends that couldn’t come to the Bachelorette or the shower and I was like, right, your family, your health, your whatever you’re going through goes, it’s first.

Exactly. We’ll, we will live. Um, okay. Um, cash bars, red or green cash

Kendra Matthies: bars. Um. Yeah, I haven’t really been to a wedding where that’s been the case. So Cash Bar explained to me, just to make sure I’m understanding, that’s where you’re like paying to add alcohol? Yeah, there’s

Christa Innis: just, yeah, they don’t, they probably don’t provide any drinks.

I’ve never been to a full cash bar either. Usually at least there’s or something. But yeah, it’s just like there’s no drinks provided. I would say, um,

Kendra Matthies: I would say that’s a little bit of a red flag if it’s fully a cash bar. Like if you’re not providing like any sort of refreshments, like that would kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something for somebody to drink. Um, but if it’s cash bar. Just for, I guess that’s also a little bit hard though. Like my family doesn’t really drink, so it would be like, we had nothing at my wedding. So I don’t know. I, I think that that kind of just depends on the person. I think that if your family is somebody that you are people that you know are gonna drink, um, and you know that maybe you can’t provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set drink or something that is free or included with the wedding, and then maybe if there’s something like extra that somebody wants, like Right. I don’t know. Yeah, I would, I’ve just not been to something like that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like if they’re, yeah, if they’re not providing anything, like no kind of refreshment, I’m talking like even non-alcoholic.

Yeah. So if they’re not providing anything and expecting nice people to come, then sure. That’s a little bit of a red flag If they expect everybody to like pay for food and drinks once they’re there. Right. But if it’s like, oh, we’re just talking like. Your aunt prefers like this really fancy vodka, then Yeah, I think it’s a red flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Kendra Matthies: I totally agree. That’s exactly what I think. Board.

Christa Innis: Right, right. Doesn’t need to be an open bar or anything. Um, okay, last one. Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Kendra Matthies: Oof. To me girl, that’s gonna be a red flag. That is like, unless the only time I can ever see it be okay is one, it’s the couple announcing that they’re pregnant.

Like obviously, or if it’s been super well discussed and maybe the couple has asked for this to happen there otherwise.

Christa Innis: Die.

Kendra Matthies: That’s, yes. So I probably wouldn’t do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s crazy To me, that’s

Christa Innis: like one of those things I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started getting story submissions.

Yeah. And the amount of times where it’s like someone wants to announce someone else’s pregnancy at the wedding, like once where I read was like the, um, mother-in-law wanted to announce the younger brothers. His girlfriends. Oh, I think I saw

Kendra Matthies: your story about that. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that was one. And then there was another one like last year that was like kind of similar where the couple, well they asked the couple and the couple said no, and they mom Oh, then media red

Kendra Matthies: flag.

Yeah. Yeah. The mom

Christa Innis: was still bringing in like a, the, the box to like surprise everybody with, and then still did like a mini celebration of the table even after they said, no.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild. To me. That is up, that’s up there with like, if somebody is getting married and they’re like, Hey, photographer, my husband and I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement photos at this person’s wedding? Yes. Like it’s that level to me where it’s just a common courtesy thing to like not do that. Mm-hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t, even if I was at somebody’s like. They just graduated college. We’re having this really fun party. I wouldn’t be like, Hey guys, by the way, like, make this about me.

Like there’s moments in life where it’s not about you. Yeah. I think that’s a big thing to remember is sometimes it’s not your turn. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s this person’s turn, it’s their moment to shine. And unless they are super, like, please, I want you to

Christa Innis: just let them shine.

Kendra Matthies: It’s just, it’s just rude.

It’s just rude.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t need to always turn it back to us. Right,

Kendra Matthies: right.

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. I’m gonna do a couple of, would you rathers and then we’ll get into our story. Okay. These are like more like makeup kind of, um, focus. Okay. Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Kendra Matthies: Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00 AM I don’t like feeling rushed. I hate it. It makes me so stressed and anxious and my luck. I’m gonna like, think that I’m putting it on good and then I get out and I’m looking like the joker. Like I just, no, I would rather start earlier.

Christa Innis: My gosh. Totally. I hate, like, I, I think I said this before, but like I, when I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt like they put me at the earliest slot.

’cause they’re like, oh, we know you wake up early. That was also Preki. Um, they’re like, we know you wake up early. So I’d be like in my chair, like half asleep. But I did like just being done and then I could just like hang out with everybody. Yeah. I didn’t have to rush or worry. Like, ’cause sometimes being some of the later ones, you’re like, are we gonna have time?

Or you’re like, oh, a

Kendra Matthies: hundred percent. Yeah. And for me too, like what I like to do personally to avoid that. And if you’re a makeup artist listening, I always, let’s say they tell me they need to be done by three, we’re gonna be done by two. Like I wanna give that little bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional gift that somebody was given and like they completely like, like, I wanna have time for things. People get stuck in traffic, things happen. So always give yourself a little bit of extra time. And for any brides or somebody that’s getting married, that’s listening, just because when you are getting ready on the every day, it might take you an hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time is, its whole different. Thing like it is so different. You might be thinking, wow, my makeup artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We don’t have to be done till three. That’s crazy. And then when you’re getting done, you’re like, how has the day flown by? How have we, like where did that go?

That’s what I hear 99% of the time at weddings. It is just like, whoa. That day went by so fast. Like, ah. So always give yourself a little extra time that you think, I know it’s,

Christa Innis: you don’t think of like the random person popping in to say hello and like, yes, you step by or setting up food for your brides.

You know? You just don’t think those little things. You don’t think about it running to the bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room. Like Exactly. There’s always something. So

Kendra Matthies: something. Yes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, would you rather a bridesmaid hate her makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

Kendra Matthies: Um, would I rather bridesmaid hate their makeup or when you say refuse their look and do their own, like, they just are like, I don’t want you to do my makeup.

Don’t want,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I’d rather them do their own. Like if they’re gonna hate it the way that I do it, you don’t need me to do it. Like, if you’re good at what you’re gonna do and you’re already happy with how you do your makeup, don’t feel like you have to get your makeup done. I don’t, I would rather that, because that just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup done is gonna go into it knowing that they’re gonna hate it probably. Or just I know my features better. I’ve never liked my makeup done by somebody else. They’re gonna go into it that way. The makeup artist is gonna be thinking of all the ways that they can try to make that not happen and make the person happy just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah. If you know you’re somebody that you just don’t like getting your makeup done by somebody else. Just do it yourself, even if you are the bride, the groom, whoever. Like just do it yourself. It doesn’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. I feel like if you’re like super picky, like you need to just do it yourself if you know what you’re doing.

Um, yeah, know yourself in those moments. ’cause like I’m, when I’m a bridesmaid, I love getting my makeup done. I like, I, I just trust the makeup artist. I’m like, you know what you’re doing. And, but I have friends that like, they’re just very particular and they’re just good at their own makeup and they do it.

And like about knowing yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. For myself, like I did my own makeup on my wedding day and that was because I enjoy the process of putting makeup on. I enjoy like doing it myself. But if I were somebody that didn’t enjoy that and you’re like, man, every time I do my makeup, I hate it. Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even if it’s like, I can’t afford a makeup artist. Maybe you have a really talented friend or something that does makeup really well, it’s okay to do that too. You don’t have to. But on the flip, don’t think like we’re saying that you have to have a makeup artist. If you’re like, I’m good at what I do.

It’s not a necessity. You don’t need a makeup artist to get married. You need a officiant, you need a venue, you need a wedding dress. Those are needs, this is wants and luxuries. You don’t have to have it.

Christa Innis: Right, totally. Um, would you rather one bridesmaid be 45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be overly controlling about the schedule?

Kendra Matthies: I would definitely have somebody that’s maybe a little bit more controlling about the schedule because. I’d rather have somebody that’s on me about the times and whatnot versus somebody who is just so nonchalant than I am anxious, everything’s running behind. I’m probably gonna get blamed for the fact that things are behind, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’d rather have somebody way more on me about the time, because me personally like I am. So it might not seem it if you’re any of my clients watching this now, but in that moment, I mean, what I do, and this is a little tip too, for makeup artists, for weddings, like I set my schedule. Uh, as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay. And I’m, every couple little bit, I’m clicking it to see, to make sure that I’m good and to somebody, it just looks like I’m checking the time, but I’m really like seeing how I’m doing on time. So shoot, if somebody wants to be the little voice in my head that’s already happening when I’m doing this, like, sure, I’d rather have that than somebody be late.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that because yeah, it’s like when bridesmaid be a little late, but they don’t always realize how much that could push back everybody else. Especially like, what if it’s a wedding where there’s only three or four bridesmaids than you’re kind of reshuffling everybody. But it’s good to, it’s good to have that schedule.

Like when I’m, when I’ve been hired for like Day of Coordinators, I’m like on it, I’m, I’m the same as you. I’m like checking. I’m like, okay, all right. Where’s our next bridesmaid? You’re on deck when she’s done, you’re swapping like,

Kendra Matthies: because again, it goes back to the whole thing. That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different than an everyday type of thing. You have to be so scheduled because yeah, one little thing can really throw off a whole day. And I’ve had it in the past where I had a bridesmaid be super late and it almost made it to where I couldn’t do the grandma’s makeup. Like the grandma would’ve just not had makeup.

I made it work. Yeah, bride not happy with me because of the delay, but I made it work because I’m not gonna let somebody’s grandma not have makeup. That’s crazy. That would make me sad. So, yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s so easy to throw off an entire day without even realizing it because 45 minutes, me, I block out an hour for makeup.

Um, but that’s including like cleaning in between time for me to like, you know, take a drink or whatever. So it’s really more 45 minutes. So if you think about it, if you’re 45 minutes late, you’re pushing the day, a whole appointment slot back, like that is a lot of time.

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point.

All right. Let’s just get into today’s story because they always, you always end up being a little bit longer than I think. So let’s just get into it. Okay. Um, and feel free to stop me or pause anytime if you, likewise, we just back the note. As we go. All right. I was the Maître d’ for all types of events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat priced buffet with no alcohol for gospel groups, prayer gathering. They danced, sing, and filled the room with joy. The staff loved watching and listening to them, and we never had a single issue. We genuinely looked forward to their visit. One of the young women from the group decided she wanted her wedding there on a Sunday afternoon with the group present.

Um, I walked her through everything, the theme menu, colors, ceremony, flow, flowers, readings, dances, bar options, extra servers, sleeping arrangements for the newlyweds, backup. Well, this is a lot. Um, backup plans for the bad weather and even contingency plans for family issues. Okay, they got it all. We had the, yeah, we had the space for six hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically use the room for only two to two, and then for only two to two and a half hours on the regular Sundays. So I’m thinking they wanted to rent, they wanted them to sing at her wedding is what I’m guessing some, yeah. It’s

Kendra Matthies: sounding like she wants ’em to be very involved with the day.

Yeah. She, because it says they want the guests present that are normally there on Sundays.

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay. Okay. So she wants them to be there. Okay. They were allowed joyful and energetic, but never obnoxious. Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe. Yeah. The first deposit to hold the date and the the first deposit to hold the date and room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months, the bride and groom agreed to every recommendation we made. Used all our preferred vendors, and sometimes even brought me homemade baked goods. We clicked really well. The only request they made beyond my cake recommendation was an extra tier and specific symbol to honor their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at no additional charge. That’s nice. Yeah. That’s really nice. Um, as the second deposit approach, they continued adding upgrades and RSVPs were higher than expected. We needed additional servers, more food, extra tables, and more rentals overall. They also decided to move the wedding up by three weeks to the earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh. Oh. How, I’m wondering how like, how late into the planning this was because Yeah, that’s a pretty big shift. Yeah. And like schedules adding people. Okay. Okay. She said that wasn’t an issue, but it did mean we couldn’t get the exact same linen colors in time and they needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second deposit due date the same as the original planned and not move it up. Two weeks before the wedding, I checked in again. Everything was fully planned and it was a lot. I heard nothing back three days before the wedding. I left messages for the couple and both mothers while also confirming flowers, linens, staff, transportation, and final details the following afternoon Friday.

So they didn’t, they still haven’t heard from them. Oh my gosh. That’s, I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: it’s okay. We are like crunch time and we’ve not heard anything. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Christa Innis: I’m locked in. I know. I’m always like, what do you do at that point where you’re constantly like calling them, emailing them, nothing? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the bride’s uncle arrived with a check covering the remaining balance. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but at that point we proceeded. Wasn’t thrilled that the uncle came or that they were like.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. ’cause I mean that payment probably would be late, I would imagine. I feel like most things don’t take payments that close.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because we’re talking, she doesn’t say when the date was, but she’s saying all of a sudden before the wedding, they still hadn’t paid, they didn’t hear anything back.

Kendra Matthies: Well, then we’re at three days before the wedding. Yeah. So we’re like close. Close. So I can see where they’re stressed. Like you’re not talking to us and it’s not you that’s bringing in the final check.

It’s some random relative, like Yeah, you never called back. Were they involved? Yeah. Were they involved with this relative before? Is this person just showing up like Yeah, I’d probably be a little frustrated as well.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering like for venues. If you don’t get that second deposit, I’m sure they have a right to either add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because they’re holding all, I mean, maybe they end up losing money then, but, ’cause I’m like, where’s like the, the stickler for you have to pay us this day, or Yeah. Something happens, we lose this. You can’t have this amenity or, you know, something like that.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, the wedding began at noon just as their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful. While photos were being taken, I showed the mother of the bride the reception room. So it’s weird. Everything’s just like going as normal even though they Yeah. We’re just like

Kendra Matthies: going forward. Even though nobody was confirming anything. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

Christa Innis: Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing apart the reception room. The linen colors were wrong. The tables were too far from the windows where a large buffet had been set up overlooking the golf course. The dance floor was too large. Even though most guests danced at their tables, the cake was missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she’s saying it wasn’t. These are all the things that the mother Earth bride was saying. Okay. And it was crooked. It wasn’t, the lighting was too dim and felt solemn. The servers were dressed too formally. One server hunched too much. She didn’t like my dress. She’s

Kendra Matthies: talking to the, your server has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain things, and we’ll hear more of the story. I understand. Okay. You don’t, what if that person has a back issue? You dunno. Why are we going after the servers themselves? Like, that’s kind of crazy to me. It’s wild. That’s wild. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. You don’t know anything about this person. Yeah.

What in the world make that comment? Like, they’re doing their jobs, aren’t they? They’re, they’re like helping. Right. Like, oh my God. And then then to say she didn’t like her dress, the person doing it, she’s saying she didn’t like my dress. It clashed. So the person that sent in this email that runs these letters?

Yeah. Can you imagine? I’d be like, okay. Like, sorry. Right.

Kendra Matthies: That’s what I chose to wear. That’s wild. Okay. Bizarre.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The flowers were too sparse. Uh, too sparse. She, there were too many ribbons. She was irate. I was completely dumbfounded. And that’s a problem too. Well, I mean it’s, there’s so many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has some power coming in. It’s like she’s not the client. Yeah. But it weird that she, they just stopped hearing from the bride and groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Kendra Matthies: Right. And it’s weird to me too, that, I mean, weddings that I’ve been to my wedding, we very much discussed like what the layout was going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, like, we did let them know that the linens wouldn’t be able to be the same because of whatever. So they were aware of that. Maybe this mom isn’t aware of the change. Okay. But also what, who are, who are you? Like, I get you’re the mom, but you’re also like not the deciding factor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it was something where. The mom wasn’t as involved as she wanted to be or something.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it sounds like, like the person that wrote this, I always say it’s a little biased ’cause she’s the one that sent it to us. Right. So I’m like hearing her perspective, but I’m like, sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

She’s done all these weddings and events before. Right. So I’m sure they’re following the contract, following the plan. The mom’s, she’s like, I don’t like this. This is not what I envisioned. Or she’s embarrassed because she wants her family to see something different. Or I,

Kendra Matthies: that’s just so, it’s so silly to me too because let’s say all of these things are the genuine, like the bride comes in and ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been? You haven’t like been communicating with us to like even know, maybe the original discussion was that there were gonna be this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion was that the flowers were gonna be how they’re gonna be if you’re not having. ’cause it’s sounding to me like the venue is providing most, if not all of the setup.

Mm-hmm. So it’s not like they’re having to coordinate multiple different vendors. It’s sounding like it is the venue that’s doing this. So how that communication between the couple and the venue itself got so lax. Mm-hmm. It is strange to me, like, yeah. Okay. I just, I need to

Christa Innis: hear more. I need to Very on.

Okay. It says she stormed off and I went back to business as usual. This was a $16,000 wedding. Absolutely. All out. That seems low to me, but I don’t know. I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses. At first I was like

Kendra Matthies: 16, but then I’m like, actually no, that’s like pretty low. Yeah. At least in this area. Michigan. I know.

I don’t know where this

Christa Innis: was, but yeah, I feel like golf course weddings, like when we were just kinda like, just kind of getting ideas. I feel like golf courses were like the most expensive ’cause it was like, oh yeah, resort vibes, everything included. And so I feel like those were like at least 50 if not way higher.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, so it said, um, intros finished first stance is done, speech is complete. Dinner music began, the buffet was destroyed, completely cleaned out. So it was destroyed in a good way. I think she means

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Like demolished the food. They ate it all. Yes. Okay. That’s what I’m gathering.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, shiny. Yeah. Um, shiny Cha-cha chafers chafer. Yeah. I’m like, okay, I was gonna pronounce that wrong. And all music continued, some dancing followed, and then the mother of the groom approached me. She said the food was awful. The servers were slow, people were spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from another bar into the building. The dance floor was a slippery hazard. The linens were dry after people ate, or No? The linens were dirty after people ate. My gosh. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was headed. The hints for a massive discount started shortly after.

Oh, here we go. Oh

Kendra Matthies: no, they don’t wanna pay. They don’t want to pay. They don’t want to pay. Hopefully they’ve already cashed that check, girl. And it didn’t bounce like this.

Christa Innis: What it’s for, the Dirty Dan or the Dirty Linens thing reminded me. I saw this thing where an influencer was trying to do something or she was getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the floor and was like the place was dirty. And then the owners came out and they were like, she was there right after like a 12 party or a 12 person party just got up and left and she filmed right under the table. So it’s just all about like if you’ve never worked in a restaurant or,

Kendra Matthies: yeah.

That’s wild to me. The linens are dirty. I mean, aren’t they there to like. Get used and like to protect like the tables and to like look nice. Like, yeah. I mean, your wedding dress is gonna be dirty by the end of the night, by the, like the bottom of it. You know, you’re using the item.

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s wild. And again, saying servers were slow, that you’re gonna, you’re gonna complain about that.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild to me. Okay. And clearly the food wasn’t that bad if everybody ate it all.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. That, oh my gosh. Then I heard screams, oh my god. Sure enough, the cake was on the floor. They claimed a server knocked it over while rushing for plates. She did not. And no, this was 2001. Okay, there we go. So it was 2001.

That’s price. So much has changed since then. So much. 16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Kendra Matthies: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah,

Christa Innis: she did not, and no, this was 2001, no cameras. Suddenly the older women erupted into crocodile tears, wailing and chanting praises. They cried that the souls wait, what? The souls of those honored on the cake had been desecrated.

So now they were not saying, now they’re saying because the server knocked it over. It was like an insult to the, the loved ones that were, the cake was for there.

Kendra Matthies: So let’s say that a server did knock it over. That is a. You are jumping over the Grand Canyon, my friend, to say that that is a disrespect on a deceased loved one.

Yeah. I can see somebody going up to the cake, taking whatever that symbolic thing was, chucking it at the wall. Like, okay, yeah, you’re being disrespectful to that. Mm-hmm. If something accidentally gets knocked over, my first thought would not be, oh, my family members, I can’t believe. Like, ah, like that, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Christa Innis: And by everything that we’ve learned so far, I’m like, they’re just looking for all of this to like add up. They’re, they’re thinking of all the dollar so that they can get back basically.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said the accusations went on and on. Eventually the night wound down, the room was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back. Gosh. Oh no. That, uh, like even when I hear stories like this about like someone going into a restaurant, and you can tell from the beginning they complain about every little thing. I mean, I used to work in the restaurant industry, I stopped all the time. Yeah. You see it, right?

It’s like, you know, the second those people sit down, these are someone pe someone that’s gonna complain, they want a discount. And I was more than happy, like if something was wrong or if something, you know. Oh, for sure. Even a discount. I’ll take it off completely. Yeah. But you can tell right away when it’s someone that’s gonna complain about everything.

Even like, they’ll drink, like they’ll Dr. Pepper or, or Sprite and they’ll be like, something’s off in this. Something’s off. Yeah, okay, we’ll get it checked. Or it’s a brand new, you know, anything would be wrong. Right? So when it’s something like this, like a wedding, $16,000 and they’re gonna be like, we want our money back.

Kendra Matthies: No, and I, I can see it being, and maybe you’ve had this experience too, I can also kind of get the vibes of when I’m gonna have a client ask me for a refund. And it’s always, it always seems to be the ones that I am the most lenient with or the ones that I try to give like extra things to, to be nice that end up coming back and expecting more and then wanting a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason I, yeah. So if they say you give an

Christa Innis: inch, they take a mile or something, those kind

Kendra Matthies: 1000%, that is definitely the case. So sounding like that is this case? Yeah. Okay. How does this end?

Christa Innis: Um, okay. It says that’s when we learned they had assumed they were paying the same rate. As the usual two hour Sunday buffet lunches, despite having a signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look at that and just assume, like,

Kendra Matthies: and is it really that they assumed or they thought that because they were such a come every Sunday group that they could just talk their way into it and get that discount after the fact? Right. But you should never sign a con. I’m looking at my camera at this moment.

I know I’ve been looking all around. Right. Never sign a contract for an amount, assuming that it’s not going to be that amount. Yeah. That is

Christa Innis: crazy. To me, contract is a, it’s locking you in. It’s literally telling you what you owe when you pay it. Like yes. Wow. I, I don’t understand how you could assume like that’s just.

Um, I don’t wanna say ignorance, but that’s being, being extremely naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay. I, I’ll we come here every Sunday for a two hour of buffet. I’m like, that’s way different than a wedding.

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Kendra Matthies: That is way different from a wedding that you’re getting linens, you’re having people catering your food, you’re having florals, you’re having sounding like music maybe was even provided, like what they were listing all of the stay for the bride and groom for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect that to be the same as a little buffet that they do every Sunday is insanity. Yeah. And it’s sounding very entitled to me. Like that’s the vibe that I get. Mm-hmm. That they just probably thought going into this. Like I said that, oh, well we come here every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It’s giving, well, I know the owner vibe. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that’s the vibe that it gives and it’s like. Okay, cool.

Christa Innis: You’re like, so do I.

Kendra Matthies: So do I. And this is still how much it is like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’ve seen so many skits about that where someone’s like, well, I know the owner. And they’re like, okay, well get in line all these people.

Kendra Matthies: favorite thing when that would happen to me is they would be like, well, I know the owner, can’t you just gimme a discount? And I’d be like, I know my dad too. Like my dad owned the restaurant that I worked at, so that always killed me. I’d be like, yeah, same

Christa Innis: like, yeah. And I also like anyone that says that like wouldn’t, if you’re going to your friend’s restaurant or someone you knows, restaurant, wouldn’t you want to contribute to a small business or help them out?

And that’s

Kendra Matthies: the thing too. I have never been in a situation that I can think of that I’m ever going to a friend’s business or going to have a friend do anything for me that I am like asking for a discount or I’m expecting a discount. I mean. I had a friend do, she’s my hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her. I still tipped her well, like just ’cause she’s done my hair forever and we’ve been friends for however long. Like that would be super weird of me to just like assume that that would be free or discounted or something. So, yeah. That’s the vibe I’m getting with this though, is that they assumed that,

Christa Innis: I’ve always noticed it’s the people you’re, that are more acquaintances or know you through people that do it.

Yeah. It’s never like a real friend. Yeah. ’cause I don’t, I don’t think I’ve said this on the podcast before, but like years ago, so like I do art like, well again, this was Preki. I haven’t done a lot of art in a while, but I used to do like charcoal art drawings and I’ve done a lot of stuff for weddings, like art-wise, like creating like trees with a thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah. Anyway, so years ago I was like a guest of a guest at a wedding. So like my friend’s old friend, like neighbor was, was getting married. She’s like, you guys should come with us. It was a very laid back wedding. More the merrier. Yeah. The week before, the bride was like, can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice. Like, I’m like early twenties at the time. Like no boundaries. Just one people pleased and I’m like, normally I probably would’ve charged like a fair price. Probably would’ve been. A hundred to $200 because it takes, it takes a while. Yeah. But I was like, okay, maybe I’ll charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don’t get me a gift. And I’m like, oh, okay. Like I already had a gift that I bought. Yeah. And I was like,

Kendra Matthies: okay.

Christa Innis: And then literally I started, learned my lesson, but then a like a year later I was like doing charcoal drawings for people and um, you know, people are, you know, paying whatever. She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I went there, I went and brought it to the house. Like a whole family charcoal drawing. It took Yeah. Hours. Hours. And I’m like, I broke, just recently Graduated college kid. Yeah. And um, she was like, oh, I don’t have cash on me. Like, just tell me what it is and I’ll like send you money later.

Never did. And I like, it’s so dumb now, but in my mind I’m like, that’s that kind of person that just expects a discount. Yeah. ’cause they know you somehow.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. No, I will say like. I have been a bridal makeup artist for 10 years now, and it’s always the person who was randomly in my English class freshman year of high school that’s like, Hey, girl, I’m getting married.

Um, what are your rates? And me sending them, whoa. Well if you want my, uh, pricing guide, feel free to email my assistant. She’ll get that sent over to you. Oh my gosh, no girl. Like, you can just send them in here. Like, it’s fine, like Facebook Messenger. And I’m like, no, it’s easier for me to keep things, you know, compact.

And they’re like, oh, well, is there any way that I could get like a friend and family discount since we know each other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’ve had that happen so many times, and I’m like, honestly, I don’t. I, I don’t know, like anything about you, like, yeah, how, how much friends are we do it. I was going through it when I was in high school, like my junior, my sophomore to end of junior year is when that first hip surgery stuff was happening.

And like they say that pain erases memory or whatever sometimes, and that’s why like I’ve heard, oh well people who have uh, kids might be UPT to have kids again, even if the first birth was like awful because they just like forget the pain or whatever. Which I don’t know how true that is, but I will say, yeah, like there are huge lapses of my memory from that time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street, random person in my Facebook messenger thing, like I probably wouldn’t even know that was you. Mm-hmm. So why would you think that I would wanna give you a discount? Like that’s just wild to me. Well, they’re the same

Christa Innis: ML N people that want you to join their team. Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never talked, but I’m during this, I started this new ml, it’s gonna save your life. And I’m like, yeah,

Kendra Matthies: well, and I get that all the time too. Maybe you do too. Now that you have a following is like online and everything is the amount of people who are like, you should do this because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I’m like, I’m honestly like so good. Thanks though. Like I don’t, so good. Thank you. Like I, I’ve actually never been more Okay. Not doing that. Like, I don’t

Christa Innis: want to do that. Like, like more the reason to not do it. Thank you. Yeah. And

Kendra Matthies: the amount of people too, and maybe you’ve had this as well, that are like, could you use my song in the background of your video?

And they’re like a random person from freshman year of high school that has like a SoundCloud or whatever it’s called. I’ve

Christa Innis: not had that. That’s what I get,

Kendra Matthies: that I get people, oh, can I collab with you? I need to get more views on my stuff because I do X, Y, and Z. And it’s like a random person I haven’t talked to since I was in like, like I was 13.

Like, I’m like, no, I don’t know you anymore. Like you are just because you knew me at a blip of my life, you do not just have access to me 24 7. Like, that’s just, that’s wild to me. Yeah. Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

Christa Innis: we bolted because I feel like it’s such, it’s such a common thing. Like, so when we read something like this, I’m like, oh.

I know that person, if you’re listening, don’t do that. Yeah. Don’t do that to people. Always offer to pay full price for friends. Yeah. Family. And then if later they wanna come back and be like, you know what? I wanna throw in this for free because you’re my friend then. Awesome. Yeah. But

Kendra Matthies: yeah, I mean, for me, and they probably don’t even know I do this, but like my dad’s employees, I give them my friend and family discount because they work for my dad.

They probably don’t even know that I do that, but it’s something that I add on. But if, but it to me, if it was like a new employee of my dad and they’re like, can I get a discount? I’d probably be a little bit more like, like what? That’s odd. Like, don’t do that. Like, don’t expect things, I guess is what I, what we’re trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Ab, absolutely. So she says, um, so it ends with saying, so says, despite having signed the contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm. No one tipped some servers were even in tears. Others finally snap back verbally. And at one point we, and at that point we allowed it. So I’m wondering if this is all just happening right there, because I’m wondering why the servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers go home and then maybe the next week we’re, they’re like trying to demand money. But I don’t know if this is, this sounds like later on in that night it’s

Kendra Matthies: happening. Like in the night you’re like, which I will say, and this is maybe a controversial thing, but I don’t ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things it’s a little bit more com. Like it’s common to do it. Like I probably always would tip a server. Mm-hmm. But if I were, you know, a venue or whatever, you should always have your pricing be to the point where if something like this happens and nobody’s getting tipped, your server isn’t in tears because they didn’t feel like they made enough money, it should still be like mm-hmm.

The base rate should still be good.

Christa Innis: I agree with you.

Kendra Matthies: To me, and this is how, and it’s different. I will say if you’re going out to eat, totally different, totally different. Because I know that minimum wage is like $2 or something, and you’re living off of your tips in that. Like you’re supplementing with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it’s wrong and if it is, please correct us. I don’t know. But I would imagine that when you’re working as a server for an event like this, you’re probably getting more of like an hourly base rate that’s like less than or more than the $2 minimum wage, because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine that that should be more. Common.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I, I can’t speak obviously for all events, but I used my, my job in college, I worked at a hotel and I worked in the bar and like I was a cocktail server, but we obviously hosted events and so there were banquet servers and from my memory, they made like $11 an hour, like they were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant servers were making like five, six. Yeah. They were more inclined to get tipped. So as far as I remember, in banquets you don’t typically get tipped as a server. Yeah. Maybe bartenders will get like cash. Yeah. I can

Kendra Matthies: see, I can see bartenders, but even, yeah, me thinking of any time I’ve attended a wedding, I don’t think that I’ve ever like tipped the person that’s bringing me the plated meal.

Right. Or serving the buffet. I can’t, I don’t like think that. So to play devil as advocate on that one little, little speck, I will say. Yeah. I do think that the tipping thing. That’s, yeah, not, that’s not something that you should just expect. Like even me as a makeup artist, I get probably like 75% of my client’s tip, but it really doesn’t bother me either way because I make sure that my pricing is to where I feel like I’m comfortable after expenses or whatever, that I made money.

I don’t, you shouldn’t be relying on your tips, I guess is what I’m saying, right. For this type of a job Servers. Yeah. In the real everyday you’re working at like Bob Evans or something. I understand. Tip your servers and stuff. Yeah. I just, yes, please tip your normal servers. But I don’t know if that’s common practice for Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if they didn’t typically do this kind of thing. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, but they sound

Kendra Matthies: so, they sound so like prepared for it though. Yeah. I don’t know. Yeah. Anyways, so little tidbit. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. They didn’t get tipped and they’re crying, so, and then it says, others finally snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to allow the servers to snap at the customer.

Kendra Matthies: I understand when tensions are really high and situations are really heated to get caught in the heat of the moment. But as a, whether you’re the manager, whether you are the owner, whatever it is, your responsibility to make your uh, employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I’m gonna handle it. You have to be the one to handle the situation. You can’t because all that’s gonna do is crave more and more heat. And more heat. More heat, and that’s, everybody’s just gonna be mad. So yeah. Allowing your employees to be. Even in a position where they’re feeling like they need to go back and forth like that, like once you start to notice that the heat is coming on a little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you? What’s, what’s the problem? You shouldn’t put your employee in that position because I know that weddings that I’ve been to a lot of the times, the servers, they are like in their late teens, early twenties. That’s a lot to put on someone young. Like that’s a lot. Yeah. So I feel like that’s another thing I would interject in is in this situation it would’ve maybe been beneficial.

I know we don’t know how this ends yet, but to have the employees kind of step aside and you handle it one person, because if you’re yelling at a bunch of different people, nobody’s getting their point across. Nobody’s listening.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like at this point, the, the tips, at least of their concerns, they might not even wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah. Um, so it says, come Monday the check bounced. So no, they didn’t cash the check. I’m wonder, oh, it makes me wonder, oh wait, there’s another paragraph, so lemme read it first. Okay. Says their head pastor called to inform us they would not be paying. He warned that if we pursued the matter, the congregation would countersue, claiming we intentionally sabotaged a young, naive, God-fearing couple’s wedding under the guise of miscommunication, even though they signed a contract

Kendra Matthies: that is, whoa.

Okay. Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh, she says when it was actually reckless discrimination and somehow they won.

Kendra Matthies: Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

Christa Innis: It sounds like either She doesn’t say there was definitely a lawsuit. She just says he warned that if we pursued it, they would countersue and then just ends with. They won.

So I’m wondering if there was, they did sue them. ’cause they were like, we, we didn’t get paid.

Kendra Matthies: Whoa. First off, how any judge is letting that win over a signed contract is bonkers to me. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I need to get into my business owner mind for a second here. Yeah. Why, why allowing. Okay. Thinking that it’s 2001.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. We’re talking 25 years ago. Yeah. I feel old. I see 2001. I’m like, oh, it was like 10 years ago. 25 years ago. I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: I was, I was, I’m 28 so I was like, three what? Right. Two or three, like, um, okay. Wow. Anyways, but like I know things have updated, things have changed a lot in those 25 years, but I. I think that it’s a little bit crazy to accept just a check from a random person and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that. Maybe it was, they said it was three days before, so if it’s a Monday, it would’ve been a Friday. Okay, but

Christa Innis: you think they waited till the banks were closed so they couldn’t cash it? Maybe,

Kendra Matthies: but at that point, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m needing a cashier’s check. I’m needing like a money order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious that the funds are there, especially if communication has been so lax where I haven’t even gotten to talk to my client in weeks. Yeah, that’s, that’s wild to me. What I would say nowadays, me personally, if I’m accepting a check from a client, it has to be like a cashier’s check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting just a check because. It has the potential to bounce. Mm-hmm. And you are still, especially in this situation when there’s so much involved makeup, obviously that sucks for me. Maybe I was looking, maybe I just replenished a lot in my kit and this was money that I thought was coming that I’m going to be able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it’s sounding like this one provides, you still have to pay people. Like you still have Yeah. Things that have to be paid for. And now that that’s bounced, like whoa.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering how much that first deposit was for Like, usually I feel like when I got married it was like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah. Then it was like 50 ma. I don’t know. So I like, it does like little increments. Yeah. So I’m like, that’s not gonna cover their food or No. Like they ate all the food. That’s right. And they’re gonna like live with themselves. Knowing that they, they scam these people. Yeah. The, the, I should make it clear the people getting married, the families getting married.

Right, right. Scam the venue because they knew what they were doing. Because no one signs a contract thinking it’s gonna be, oh, we do a two hour buffet here. It’s the same as a wedding. Hey, do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. For us, it’s gonna be the same.

Kendra Matthies: I guess I’m also confused who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom? Was it who signed this? Because why does the head pastor at their church get to be involved in this lawsuit at all?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a great point. Why is he a part of this discussion?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, that doesn’t matter. Like, that’s him

Christa Innis: being like the, using like the god like hierarchy of like, oh, you use this, this very religious family, and you’re, you’re making them look bad, so don’t you do dare do that.

So it’s almost like him being like, I’m a pastor. Let me. Say it so they, which

Kendra Matthies: why is a pastor doing that? Yeah. You’re

Christa Innis: not a part of the family. You didn’t pay didn’t, you’re

Kendra Matthies: not in the contract. Didn’t pay. Yeah. That’s so weird to me. And if this did go to court and they were able to, like, again, how did a judge, why is that being allowed?

Why is the, why is the pastor of a church that they go to get, to be the deciding say of whether a contract between somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kendra Matthies: That’s just,

Christa Innis: wow. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if, like, if we read it the other way, if she’s just saying they won, basically, like we didn’t, we just went along with it.

We didn’t like try to sue them or like take any step further because he scared us basically. Then I could see that too.

Kendra Matthies: I can see that, but also like as a business, you’re

Christa Innis: out,

Kendra Matthies: you, you have a contract for a reason and if you’re not gonna stick with your policies and your contract and the things that are in there, what’s the point of having I have it.

Yeah. Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, there’s been instances in the past for me where I have made exceptions to something that’s in the contract, but it’s normally because I’m trying to be accommodating of somebody. I will say that’s tightened up a lot because of situations like this where I’ve give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just, I just don’t see how that hap like, so much went wrong with this. Yeah. And so much that I think that this business, and I hope that if they’re still around, that they learn from this, um. I mean, communication needs to be better. Their, what happens if you stop communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are better and hopefully they have more solid contracts or confidence in their contracts that should something like this happen again, it’s worth fighting for because wow, that was a lot.

Christa Innis: When people complain about like rules and stuff, it’s, it’s because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to be as as they are, is because there’s people that take advantage and now they have to be super clear. You have to cover every single instance because of people like this. Yeah. ’cause they don’t try to scam the crap outta you.

Kendra Matthies: If you are somebody that is getting married or you are going to be entering into a contract for whatever reason, read what you’re signing, please don’t just blindly sign and then claim ignorance, because nowadays I just cannot see if this went to court nowadays that that would’ve held up at all for the client’s favor.

Like I could not see that happening. No way. Um, so be mindful of what you’re signing and on the flip vendors or whoever is sending out the contracts, make sure that you feel confident in the things that are in your contract, that you feel that you could back those things up. Consult with an attorney.

Don’t just write something down and have somebody sign it. Make sure it is like a legal contract. Um, yeah, because this type of stuff happens and. Me personally as a random big sister business owner. Advice to you too. If you’re a makeup artist or a hairstylist or somebody that, let’s say you have a season that you go through and now here’s the next one.

Revisit that contract at the end of the season. What happened in that year that you don’t want to happen again? Mm-hmm. Put it into your contract so that it doesn’t happen again and go forward. You might have, like you are saying, you might have people be like, why is this so long? Or Why does this even need to be specified?

You don’t have to explain yourself to those clients, but you can say, if you want to say anything at all, while everything that’s in the contract is there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. You have to protect yourself as a business owner and as a consumer. Signing contracts. Protect yourself too. If you don’t know what a contract is saying.

If you don’t know the legal mumbo jumbo. You don’t have to, nobody is forcing you to sign anything. Yes. You can consult with somebody if you need help before signing anything, even if it’s just asking the business to clarify what this means, because Yeah, don’t sign into something that you don’t know.

Yeah. Because either one of you, it could come back and bite you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And and most, most places now, like you said, are not gonna be like, oh, you didn’t read it. Mm. They’re gonna be like, too bad you signed this. Yeah. So,

Kendra Matthies: yeah. I mean, I’ve had to do that multiple times where we’ve had to send screenshots or we’ve copied the portion of the contract that applies to X, Y, or Z situation and send it to that client and say, well then the contract that you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave with confidence with that. You have to say, well, this is what you signed, and they can come back and counter, but. This is what you signed. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me think too, kind of like looking back at the beginning that there were so many different parties involved and I think this is why a lot of places too are like, we only work with the bride and groom, or we only work with a couple getting married because I feel like they probably, the young girl comes in from the group, she’s really excited.

They’re like, yep, this sounds great. She’s the one that talks with them. They signed the contract, she probably pays the first deposit. Sounds like, yeah. It says the bride and groom agree. They pay everything. No issues. Then other people are getting involved, but maybe the moms start seeing it and they’re like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this? Um, ’cause that’s, I think that’s why there was that radio silence, right? They’re like starting to worry about the cost. Then this random uncle comes in. Yeah. And either he was planning on paying for it the whole time, or he goes, wait guys, I’ve got an idea. You know what I’m saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time? Part of me thinks yes. He’s like, I’m gonna come in. They’re not gonna ask me questions, so they don’t know me. I don’t know about the wedding. Bring this check in. Oh, it’s covered. We’re good. We’re gonna get our wedding. And then you guys come in hot and right. Want.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, because

Christa Innis: there’s people that do this like for a living.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. I mean, like I said, my dad owns a restaurant. There’s people that we have on the do not let reorder list because they’ve had multiple, and multiple and multiple times where they call back and complain that something is wrong. And to the point where we would like red label them maybe like, Hey, if they call, make sure that you are so precise and confident that everything going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back and say, X, Y, or Z happened. For example, and this is talking on my dad’s half for a little bit, but he had a customer that would constantly complain about something being wrong with the pizza. The toppings weren’t right. The, my dad owns a pizza place. The toppings weren’t right.

The cheese had slid to the side by the time that the delivery driver got it there, um, it was burn, it was too cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally my dad was working one day and it was just him and the delivery driver, and he makes the pizza. He knows that this person is a chronic complainer. Mm-hmm.

So he is on it. Yeah, just him in the building delivery driver. Nobody else makes the pizza, sends it on its way. Of course, like five minutes later, 10 minutes later, he gets a call from that person and they’re complaining, well, what’s wrong? There is a massive blonde hair in my pizza. My dad said there’s a long blonde hair.

Okay. Um, are you sure it’s not yours? No, it can’t be mine. Everybody in my family has brown hair. Okay. Um, if I send the delivery driver back, would you give him the pizza and the hair that is in that so that we can figure out where this is coming from? Oh, well, um, I mean we already ate it. We ate around it, but like, this is ridiculous.

And my dad goes, you know what’s also really funny, the delivery driver and I are both bald and nobody else is working today. So they stopped ordering after that. But it’s just so funny. And come to find out, I mean, I did a little bit of Facebook stalking their family’s all blonde. Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like. So it’s just funny, but yeah, it does happen like all the time and in so many different industries that people will just try to get away with scamming you and mm-hmm. You have to protect yourself as a business owner. Like you just, ugh. Yeah. I feel bad for when things like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying throughout this, there were definitely learning moments from this. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, management wise or whatever, and policy wise, but I think that maybe it, from the sounds of it, maybe this was kind of a newer thing for them and they just didn’t have those policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah. I think that this is us seeing what kind of happens to a lot of professionals where you have something like this happen, which. Builds those standards and things like that for it to not happen again. So I think we might have seen the beginning of this golf courses event planning. They’ve been real

Christa Innis: strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sucks. You have to learn that way. Losing $16,000 and then some. Yeah. ’cause they said they kept adding on all these extras so. Hopefully this was a learning That’s so awful moment for them. But think about the, the couple that got married. Your, your wedding was built on a lie.

Kendra Matthies: A lie.

That’s really wild. And like bad juju. Like why would you want that? Yeah. I’m curious to know, are they still married?

Christa Innis: I know, I was, I was thinking that too. I’m like, I could not, like your kids are, or your kids or family one day is asking about your wedding and you’re like, oh yeah, it was at this place. Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing. Yeah, they loved it. Oh, it was ter you know, like, ’cause if it had all the things they wanted, I don’t know. And they never specified either if it was the bride and groom refusing to pay, or if it was the moms coming in right saying they’re not gonna pay. Um, so it makes me wonder maybe it was like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like, okay, we’re gonna write a check. Huh. So many questions. It’s, I love, love getting

Kendra Matthies: vendor

Christa Innis: stories, but I also like am like, oh, I don’t like there, there’s so much missing. Right? I

Kendra Matthies: wish I could call them and be like, okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

Christa Innis: I know. Oh my gosh. That was wild.

That

Kendra Matthies: was real.

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Christa Innis: Well, I always like to end these with, as I shake my whole computer right now. I was like to end these with confessions people send me on Instagram. So here we go. This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: that’s a good one.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This one says, um, letting my friend declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn’t have been her. I, I hear that a lot and I always wonder how that happens. ’cause if that was a friend to like someone to me saying like, oh, I’m your maid of honor, and they weren’t, I would, I would probably just laugh and just move on. How do they themselves?

Kendra Matthies: I definitely have heard this a lot from my clients that, oh yeah, this person kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be a bridesmaid, but I really wanted this person to be my maid of honor. I think what happens a lot of the time is you get people pleaser brides that don’t want to offend anybody. This person probably means a lot to them. Maybe just not in the, I think they should be made of honor way, but I think that it’s hard when they’re trying to make sure that everybody’s happy.

They don’t want to start wedding drama. Especially when it comes to bridesmaids, like you’re usually picking that out pretty early in the wedding planning process. Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama? But I will say, if you are somebody that recently got engaged or you’re just announcing bridal party members and somebody’s trying to assert that, I think that.

It’s really important and in the long run better to just be clear right away. And I know that a lot of people like to do those bridesmaids boxes or things like that where they’re asking people, um, definitely make sure that you give yourself time between announcing the engagement and, and picking your bridesmaids that you kind of like have everything so you can quickly do that so that this doesn’t happen.

Yeah. ’cause I think that it’s when there’s that gap that people can just assume and then push their way into it. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it’s important. Like if you’re announcing that you’re engaged, maybe within a week or two you’re asking people, and maybe that’s a big turnaround. I don’t know. It’s a little bit hard if you don’t know the engagement’s coming, but Right.

I do think like it’s important to have a list and roster in the back of your mind. If you’re knowing within a year I’m probably gonna be getting engaged to like you, you or I’m gonna be getting engaged, like you should probably have somewhat of a roster. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Because even if you don’t have like the bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you’re gonna do, you can at least be like, oh, you know, I actually, my sister or my friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah. It’s just gonna, is being that person.

Kendra Matthies: And it might be awkward, like it probably will be awkward, those conversations, but I’d rather you have a conversation early on and it be a little bit awkward than to be submitting that you regret it to us. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Because then you’re giving in and then you’re making it their day.

Yeah. Not completely, I get that. But like you’re still like. They’re gonna have their way with whatever. Oh, gonna be these bride. Like what does it, what, where does it end? Right? We’re gonna have these bridesmaid dresses. ’cause I like these best for my body. Right? Well wait, you’re, you weren’t even supposed to be the maid of honor and then you’re gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Kendra Matthies: Exactly. No, I 1000% agree.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see, this says letting my mother-in-law add over 40 guests to the list, which meant cutting down our friends list.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh. So I personally told like family members, like they were allowed X amount of people that they could invite. But I also made it clear, like I still wanted it to be people that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn’t want my mom to invite like a random person from our church that knew me when I was three. Like, that would be kind of odd. Um. I definitely think you have to kind of go into things like that, like that, where you’re giving like a, Hey, so so-and-so’s gonna have this many people, I’m gonna have this many people, his family’s gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people. And that’s how we’re reaching capacity. Like I think that you have to be very clear with those things from the get go.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Especially if it seems like someone that everybody’s their best friend or everyone’s their friend. Right. Just give like a little limit. Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right? Yeah. And then if they give you 20 and they’re like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and so, then sure you can give wiggle room. But when you give a free reign, that’s scary territory.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. And even with wiggle room, you have to be clear though too. Like if somebody’s like, oh my gosh, I know I gave you 20 people, but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot. You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we could squeeze that one more person in, but like we’re really done after that. Like you can’t be like, okay, yeah, I guess this is not another person. Like, ’cause the more you’re lax again, give an inch, take a mile type of thing is gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, let’s do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping. Should have saved the money and skipped the drama.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. I have heard this so much, like a lot, a lot. I’m talking even on wedding days, I hear this like, oh yeah, because sometimes the lead up drama is the worst part. Like the scheduling of the bachelorette or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time it gets to their wedding day, they’re like, I don’t even wanna do this. Like I, and it’s not that they don’t wanna get married, it’s just people they don’t wanna have to put on the performance and. All of it. So I have definitely heard that a lot. I would say that if you’re somebody that you and your significant other, you don’t really necessarily want a big wedding, you don’t necessarily see even a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it’s not the best option for you. It is never worth it to put yourself in debt to have a wedding. That is wild to me. I have had brides tell me that they have taken out loans for their wedding. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Couldn’t

Kendra Matthies: be me. Couldn’t be

Christa Innis: me. It’s consumerish, consumerism, and wedding culture altogether of like, you need the biggest, best wedding to post all of our social media and have this grand day.

And it’s like. Yes, weddings are beautiful and amazing, but at the end of the day, it is a day, right? And you do not wanna go into your marriage broke or, um, owing a bunch of money or having debt. That is, I feel like that is just like a, such a hard thing to go into a marriage with.

Kendra Matthies: And I think that people kind of have created this almost stigma of, it’s like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful weddings have been elopements. One of my friends, her name you guys might follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair. Her and her husband got eloped, and I wanna say they were out in like some like desert, sorry, Meg if you’re watching, but they were in some sort of like desert, like beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the photography, and that was where the majority of their budget went. And oh, my word, talk about magazine wedding. Like some of the most stunning wedding photos I’ve seen of my life. And it was an elopement. Like it doesn’t have to be like, oh, I’m giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I’m giving up. I can get great makeup done. You can invest now in the things that do matter to you more. Like maybe you really, really want good photos, but you don’t care if it’s just four of you there. Like, you can invest in those things now because you’re not spending. $50,000 on a wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. I think it’s one of those things too about like knowing yourself, knowing your family.

If there’s high tensions and you’re like, gosh, our families clash, or gosh, like my friends are just don’t get along with so and so, you know, whatever that is, and you’re already stress thinking about it, maybe that’s a sign. Yeah. Everyone knows themselves best. Like, I, like for me, I did not want a huge wedding, but I also could not, I could only picture like all of our families and friends together dancing and like hanging out in like one big party.

Um, so it wasn’t like humongous, but it wasn’t really small either, but. For me, that was important to me and my husband, but we didn’t have drama leading up to it that we were like, oh, I’m so nervous about people being in the same room. But I know a lot of the times when they regret, I feel like it’s because they’re getting pressure from someone saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding to show off to everybody. But meanwhile, the bride and groom are the ones like suffering because they’re like, this isn’t right us. This isn’t what we want.

Kendra Matthies: Right. So you have to be mindful. It’s okay to get people’s opinions, especially when it’s from people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very important and big in your life. It’s I, it is okay to take those opinions, but at the end of the day, if that is not what you want, who’s the one going in debt because of these things? Who’s the one that’s living with the fact that, oh, my wedding was so stressful and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It’s not your parents. It’s you, so you have to be mindful of yourself when it comes to wedding planning and just like weddings in general, because ideally, I mean, I know it doesn’t happen all the time. This is a once in a lifetime thing for you. I know people get remarried. I’m not saying that, but I’m saying what you are.

Nobody’s going into a wedding hoping that they’re gonna get married again. You are hoping that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Do you want to be like the thing that’s behind that is stress? Mm-hmm. No, I don’t think that anybody wants that. So yeah, I think that taking opinions and valuing people’s input is important, but never to the point where it’s diminishing your own wants or finances, I guess, even in this case.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely listen to your gut on that one and be on the same page with your partner and then yeah, move forward from there. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. Like I’m just realizing the time. I’m like, so sorry I took so much of your time. No,

Kendra Matthies: I can’t see the time, so I’m just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I’m a certified yapper. I love it. I love

Christa Innis: No, I remember you saying that last time. I love it. ’cause I, I, I get in that tendency of like just yapping too. And so like, I love when we’re on the same page as that. So can you, for everyone listening, can you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you’re working on and all that good stuff? Yeah,

Kendra Matthies: so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, um, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one, but it’s at Kendra Matthies, everywhere else, it’s just at Kendra Matthies. Um, I’m currently working on, uh, depending on when this is getting posted, I’m gonna be in Premier Anaheim, uh, Anaheim, California.

Uh, February 1st and second, I’m gonna be teaching multiple classes there. Otherwise, I have some other classes that I’m teaching. Come April, I’m gonna be in Chicago again for America’s beauty show, and then I am working on some. Independent classes. Oh, you guys heard it first, but I am working on some independent classes, um, coming up in this year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Very exciting. Sounds like a lot of fun things are coming up. Yes.

Kendra Matthies: So much fun.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thanks again for coming on. This was so much fun hanging out.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, it was great seeing you again. Congratulations on having a podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most podcasts don’t make it past the first five or six episodes, so Wow. That’s good. Look at you going, you’re rocking and rolling and I can’t wait to see what comes for you with the podcast. I love watching your skits and everything online and yeah, I think that you’re doing a great job.

Thanks. Thank you. Yes. All right. Well thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. And I will probably see you guys in a story time coming soon, because I told Christa I didn’t wanna share it here, but I think I’m gonna build up the courage to share it soon. Yay. Yes. Yay.

by Christa Innis

One-Year Anniversary Special: Audience Favorites, BIG Giveaway & a Toxic Engagement Story

Older. Employed. Owned a car. Buying a house. Apparently, those were the “red flags.”

This week marks one year of Here Comes The Drama (yay!), and I’m sharing a deeply personal, most bizarre wedding story where an engagement triggered years of emotional manipulation, financial pressure, and escalating abuse. From blessing requests gone wrong to explosive ultimatums, we unpack how toxic family dynamics can surface during major life milestones. This story is heavy, but important.

Plus, we’re celebrating one year of Here Comes The Drama! 🎉 Subscribe to my podcast and YouTube channel, and comment “Entered” on this episode’s YouTube video for a chance to win one $150 Visa gift card or one of two $25 Amazon gift cards. Winners will be announced on March 12.

JOIN ME IN GREECE OCTOBER 2026!

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Get the book!

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Podcast Turns One – We’re celebrating one full year of Here Comes The Drama with a special giveaway: a $150 Visa gift card or one of two $25 Amazon gift cards.
Would You Rather: Wedding Edition – I’m answering your toughest “would you rather” wedding dilemmas, from feuding relatives to money with strings attached, during our one year special episode.
The “Blessing” That Became an Interrogation – What should’ve been a respectful conversation spirals into grilling, accusations, and power plays.
Control Disguised as Concern – Parents frame normal age gaps, financial stability, and independence as red flags to maintain control.
Financial Manipulation & Wedding Ultimatums – From demanding a master’s degree to refusing wedding support, money becomes leverage.
The Attic Incident – Screaming, verbal abuse, and a father apologizing to the boyfriend instead of his daughter push everything over the edge.
Choosing Safety & Ending the Cycle – Moving out, going no contact, and protecting future children becomes the ultimate act of healing.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

Control doesn’t always show up as anger, sometimes it shows up as “concern.”
When your independence threatens someone, the behavior will escalate.
Green flags can look like red flags to people who benefit from your dependence.
Money with strings attached is never a gift. Protecting your peace sometimes means choosing distance, even when it’s painful.
Ending the cycle is an act of love for the next generation.

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of, here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and I’m extra excited for you guys to be here today because it’s our one year anniversary. I can’t believe I’m saying that out loud because I still remember the. Coming up with this idea, feeling like it was so out of my reach.

And here it is. I just am so grateful to all of you guys for listening to sending in stories, to just sharing your support. It just means so much to me. So before I get too mushy and share too much about the podcast, I wanna read, this week’s review. It’s from Lady Tony. It says, when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2024, I got hooked with the skits on Insta.

Then I came across this podcast, craving for Drama. Satisfied. I love that because we all secretly, or maybe not so secretly, love the drama. Especially when it’s not our own. that’s the reason why, you know, I came up with this podcast. You guys wanted more stories, you wanted to hear more stories, talk more, hear more drama.

and you guys were sending me so many, and this is a fun way to share more of myself, to meet other people. It’s been a lot of fun. so before we jump into the full part of the episode, like I said, I wanna just celebrate something big here and that is, the podcast is a year old today. We also hit 250,000 downloads, which was well beyond my expectations.

I think I’ve said this before, but I thought we were gonna hit like 25,000 in the first year. That was my initial goal. so I’m just blown away by the support, the love, all the stories you guys share with me, people willing to come on the podcast. I’ve met so many amazing people that have been, just.

Eager to come on the podcast and just be real and have conversation. and it’s been really great for me to just expand because as I’ve said before, you know, I work from home. My husband works from home, and I, you know, it’s great to just meet people, but with having a toddler, we don’t. Always get out as much as we want to.

and so this is a great way to meet people from all over the world, all over the country. And, that’s just been such a blessing, such a gift to be able to do that.

The One Year Anniversary Giveaway

So, to say thank you to you guys after my blabbing here, I wanna tell you guys that I am doing a one year giveaway. not to be confused with the giveaway I’m doing for the new year.

It’s a little different, so pay attention to, to these specific details. but first I wanna share some fun stats about this podcast. So in the year, we have done 52 episodes. We had 34 unique guests. Many were on multiple times. I think maybe like five to 10 were on multiple times. I know my best friend, Yvette has been on like three or four at this point.

and some of the people I’ve interviewed, their episodes have not come out yet. And then I have some in my roster that are scheduled and have not been interviewed yet. So lots more exciting episodes coming out. This podcast has reached 50 different countries, including obviously the United States, well, Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, Germany, New Zealand.

Ireland, Sweden, Philippines, Netherlands, Denmark, Norway, India, Mexico, France, South Africa, and many, many more. so that’s very exciting. And yes, I know the UK includes many different countries. just kind of looking at my stats here quickly. so it’s just. Mind blowing to me still, just to know how many of you guys listen to it every single week.

And it makes me that much more excited to, also putting a lot more pressure on myself, but more excited to get the content out to you. So back to this giveaway, one listener will win a $150 Visa gift card, and two listeners are going to win a $25 Amazon gift card. So to enter, make sure you subscribe to the podcast.

subscribe to my YouTube channel and comment. Entered. The reason we are doing YouTube is because that’s an actual trackable way. I can’t see if you’re subscribed and I don’t have a list of subscribers, on my podcast. So unfortunately I can’t do it that way. So subscribe to my YouTube channel and then for this video, just come underneath it.

Just say Entered. You can say like, Hey, I love your channel. Hey, this is my favorite video. Hey, I’m getting married this year. Hey, I love the color purple. And then put entered if you want, just for a little extra detail, whatever that is. just comment on this video. We upload all of my podcast episodes on YouTube full, and then we do little clips as well.

So we’ll make it very clear which video we’ll put on the cover, so you know which one to put on there. So again, $150 Visa gift card for the grand prize winner. and then two $25 Amazon gift card winners. So, super easy to enter. Subscribe to my YouTube channel, and comment entered on the video.

And just to say, just to cover all my bases, this giveaway’s not affiliated with or sponsored by YouTube, apple Podcast, Spotify, Amazon, or Visa. It’s just. My personal way of giving back to you guys and saying thank you. All right. That was enough blabbing for today. But you know what, who am I? What am I saying?

Would You Rather — Weddings, Boundaries, and Hard Calls

We’re getting into more blabbing now. So let’s get into today’s episode. you would think I’d be a little more well rested for this episode. I’m currently drinking this Gorge Energy drink, not sponsored at all. my husband put this in my stocking this year. Isn’t it cute? If you’re looking at the video,

More caffeine than I’m used to. I did not get great sleep last night. It’s been a doozy. and yeah, we stayed up too late watching Stranger Things. I’ll get into that later. Okay. Let’s get into, would you rather, and then I have a long story so I don’t wanna take up too much time before that, would you rather seat feuding relatives together or leave one uninvited and deal with it forever?

Ooh, that’s hard. Seat feuding relatives together or leave one uninvited. That’s gonna depend on my own personal relationship with them. Right. I hate causing drama or like causing something to happen. But if I’m thinking of like a situation where two people just can’t get along and, let’s say it’s someone that’s like closer to me, I would probably rather just not have someone invited if I knew they were gonna cause more drama at the wedding,

seeing people together that I know aren’t gonna get along is just, it’s just asking for it at that point. So I think I’d rather just not invite one of the party. Okay. Two, would you rather your dad be late walking you down the aisle or your stepparent insist on being included last minute? I think I’d rather have my dad be late walking me down the aisle.

Hopefully not too late. cause that’s a problem. But again, all these things are very nuanced because if you’re close with your stepparent, I would hope you kind of include them in some way. It doesn’t have to be like them walking you down the aisle, but maybe you give them flowers and take photos with them ahead of time.

Maybe you do like a special moment with them. but again, it’s gonna depend on how close you are. If your stepparent is insisting, then my thought is maybe you’re not that close, so that’s why I’m gonna go with the late dad. Okay. Would you rather cover costs for a broke bridesmaid or ask for a step down?

Absolutely cover the cost. If this person means enough to me where I ask them to be in the wedding, I would absolutely be like, don’t worry about it. I will cover it for you. I’ve been in, not my own wedding, but I’ve been in other weddings where, a friend of mine reached out to me as like the maid of honor and was like.

You know what? I’m in three other weddings this year. I don’t think I can afford the bachelorette party. And I said, if you really wanna go, I will cover it for you. Like don’t worry about it. Please. Like, I wanna make sure you’re there for blank, actually come to think of it, I did have a couple bridesmaids, I wouldn’t say broke bridesmaids at all.

I’m not calling them that, but other ones that had other obligations like maybe other vacations planned or, they were having a baby other things going on where I just told them like, let me know where I can step in. I would never ask them to step down if they couldn’t afford something because the reason I’m asking someone to be in my wedding is ’cause they mean a lot to me.

so I don’t know. I just don’t like that of like, oh, you can’t afford this, or You don’t wanna spend this. You can’t stand up in my wedding. Nah. Would you rather your maid of honor, ghost planning, or take over everything? that’s a tough one. I had the most amazing maid of honor, Yvette, who’s been on my podcast many times.

She would never either. God, I’m so bad because it’s like I can’t just pick one. Okay, I’m gonna pick one. I’m gonna say take over everything. I would rather, because think about this. If your maid of honor is ghosting you, they don’t care. They don’t wanna be there, they don’t wanna be a part of your wedding.

Who knows what’s gonna happen to your relationship after your wedding day. so there’s a lot of things, a lot of issues going on there. So if I can have them just take over the wedding. Hopefully they’re good at it. I don’t know. Okay. would you rather someone bring an uninvited plus one or bring their kids to a child free wedding?

Ooh, gosh. These are tough ones.

I think I would rather have someone bring an uninvited plus one. Because a very, a specified child-free wedding is not gonna be set up for more kids. Plus I think that’s gonna cause more drama. ’cause imagine if there was someone else that was like, oh, I can’t bring my kids. Okay, I’ll leave them at home.

Or I’ll call a babysitter or whatever. And then they come and this other person came with their kids. So I think that’s gonna cause more drama, an uninvited plus one.

Course, depending on the person, but, I think that’s fine. ultimately it’s not fine, but I think that’s better. maybe they just needed a ride or, I don’t know. They don’t wanna come alone either or not ideal. Would you rather have a guest leave early and post about it or stay and complain the entire night?

Well, if they’re posting about it, are they posting like. Why they left earlier, why the wedding stopped? ’cause that’s what I’m thinking. Leave and post about it because if it’s my wedding day, I am not paying attention to what people are posting. I’m not gonna see until the next day. So sorry. If they took the time out to post about why they left my wedding early, then it had more of an impact on them than they would like to think.

Okay. Would you rather go over budget or cut your guest list in half? That’s hard because to me, people were the most important thing to me when planning everything out. it was really hard. There were a few people that were like on the, I don’t know, like I haven’t talked to ’em in a couple years, but when we were friends or when we did work together, we were really close.

So there was a lot of people like that. Cutting in half would be really hard though.

Now, I think I would say I would rather. Cut my guess list in half. Then I think I’d rather go a little over budget. It just depends on how much. Right. okay, last one. Would you rather accept money with strings attached or pay for everything yourself? Pay for everything myself, I’ve talked about this before.

We had help on both sides and then we paid for a good chunk ourselves. but we never had any meddling parents. both of our parents, or say all four of our parents were so helpful. They never overstepped. They, they’re talented in their own ways. And so I just found different ways to include each of them, especially our moms.

Um. Never did they once say, I’m taking this from you, I’m doing this, or go behind my back and change something. They were both so supportive, um, and they would never hold money or gifts over our head. Um, so yeah, I, I always really sympathize with people that have to kind of like balance it all out because.

In general, even though it is a gift, you do feel like, okay, they gave this to me, so I want to give that same respect back. I’ve never been in a, like in a bad relationship where it’s like a mother-in-law or a mom like holding money over the head, being like, okay, if I give you this money though, I get to invite my 50 friends from church, or I get to, um.

Change up the flowers or I get to, you know, whatever. I’ve never personally had to deal with that, so I’m, I’m sure it’s very difficult when you’re in that position.

When an Engagement Triggers Control, Not Celebration

All right, let’s get into it. This week’s line reaction, wedding story submission. All right. Huge fan of your videos for years. I actually started watching them while I was engaged, and the Ferris and Sloan saga genuinely got me through the worst of it.

Oh my gosh. Okay. I, I’m trying to think of how to say this. I love hearing that. But I also hate hearing that, if you know what I mean. Like, I hate hearing that people relate to the character so much because when I came up with it, it was just like so dramatic, so out of line, so wild. Like something I could never picture in my personal life.

Um, but I’ve had so many people say, thank you for creating this, because it allowed me to feel like heard and seen and like I wasn’t alone. Um, so. I’m glad for that part, but I’m really sorry that you had to go through this. Okay. My wedding story really began when my then boyfriend of a year and a half, and I decided we were ready to be engaged.

My parents and brothers had met him several times. I’d met his family and everything always seemed fine. My parents acted like they liked him. My mother even told extended family. We would definitely get married. When we’d only been dating for six months. Okay, wait.

So they said we’d definitely would get married when we’d only been dating for six months, which is an entirely different story. No one ever openly had a problem with him. He’s quiet and shy, and I always felt my family was intimidated by the fact that they couldn’t read or manipulate him. He didn’t give them anything to work with.

I, on the other hand, am a total blabber mouth and they often use that to make digs at me or gather information to use against me later. Oh gosh. Okay. By winter of 2021, we’d been talking seriously about engagement. We were also meeting with our priest for spiritual counseling. When we told him we were considering getting engaged, he was excited, but he also told us we need to book the date immediately.

If we wanted him to marry us within the next calendar year, there were only three slots left. Otherwise we’d have to wait an additional year, which we didn’t want, so we booked a date right then. Even though we weren’t formally engaged yet. Ooh, I like it. But I can see where the drama might come in.

There’s a lot of people that want to have a say over the date, which I don’t understand. I mean, I get like, so me personally, I get like checking in with family. Like we would, we always hold our family, like we wanna spring wedding. Um, and our venue, it was cheaper if you got married in March and on a Friday night.

So we were like, or not Friday night, but Friday. Um. So we kind of like threw that out there to like our parents at least. But everyone else we were like, if you can be there, be there. If you can’t, you can’t. Um, my boyfriend wanted to do the right thing and ask my parents for their blessing. I warned him that they were very controlling and wouldn’t be happy that they would be, that they would use the opportunity to bully him.

So you’re telling me she never saw any issues? With the family and him, or they never said anything about him, but right off the bat she’s like, they’re gonna bully you. They wanna control you, what? While he agreed it was ultimately my choice, he said he was raised to respect parents and still wanted to ask.

I reluctantly agreed and told him. I would let them know that he wanted to speak with them. Side note, I was living with my parents at the time. One morning I told my dad that my boyfriend wanted to ask him something important over Thanksgiving weekend. At first, my dad seemed excited and supportive. Then he said he needed to tell my mother.

I went to class and didn’t think much of it. When I got home, they were waiting for me and told me we needed to have a serious talk. Wait, but he didn’t even say anything yet. They must have like had like a clip. They sat me down and began grilling me with the most bizarre concerns about my boyfriend.

Okay, so this is like a bullet point list One, he was four years older than me. We were 22 and 26. Completely normal. Yeah. I think that’s a completely normal age gap. His job paid more than mine. Why is that a problem? And also what is this obsession? What people’s jobs pay If you are not paying the bills, why does it matter and how do they know what he makes?

Anyway? Three, he had a car and I didn’t, they had actively prevented me from getting a license up to that point. Okay, so they just don’t like that this guy is going to kind of be like your new family. It sounds like they were controlling you into not getting a license. Not, I mean, not getting a car.

That’s really odd to me. Number four, he was in the process of buying a house and they demanded that my name be on the title before marriage. Okay. As someone that has a daughter, if this was her partner, I feel like these are all great qualities, like he has a good paying job. He has a car, he’s in the process of buying a house.

These are all great things. You would be like, wow, he’s got his shit together. He loves you. He wants to take this to the next level. Like next step. Like why are they so like, Nope, you need to do this, this, and this. Why are these red flags to me? These are green flags. Um. Also like putting his her name on the house before marriage.

I mean, I don’t know, like legality stuff of that. I mean, I get like putting your, I mean, it’s not like she’s even talking about moving in yet, but I don’t know. Whatever. Okay. Last one. They even implied that he might be abusing me, which was completely untrue. Why would you say something like that, if anything?

He protected me from their ongoing abuse. Someone like that. And I’m not gonna make you know accusations because I’m only reading a story. I don’t know anyone in this story personally, someone that’s so used to controlling you and making choices for you. When they see another influence come in that’s allowing you to be a little more independent or kind of go away from their grasp, they’re gonna try to do all those things.

They’re gonna try to like point the finger at him and say, oh, he’s bad. He’s trying to hurt you. He’s trying to do all these things because they. They realize that when you get more independent and start thinking for yourself, you’re gonna realize that they’re the problem. On Thanksgiving day, my boyfriend still showed up, polite, respectful, and hopeful.

After dinner, he asked my father if they could talk. My father refused and said, now is not a good time. I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to ask me on Thanksgiving and make the holiday all about Jessica. Do they hate their daughter like this is, this is absurd. Like I don’t, I don’t think I ever use that word.

This is just like, yeah, I mean, in my mind, 22 is young, but that’s not for them to decide. She’s an adult. I think I was still living at home at 22, but I moved in with my boyfriend now husband at. 24. 24. I think we were dating at 23. You can’t, I mean, at that point you can’t. They just wanted her to stay like under wraps, under their control Q, the most awkward dinner imaginable.

My brothers kept making weird jokes about how women only get married because they’re gold diggers and kept putting, pushing, and kept pushing political arguments. No one wanted. Why do they hate her so much? So this was their problem with him making more money because it’s gonna look like she’s a gold digger.

I, I don’t know. This is wild. The next day was my cousin’s wedding. The whole family was acting strangely, but my boyfriend and I tried to enjoy ourselves. At the reception. I casually mentioned to my dad that I like the napkin color and would want something similar to that for my own wedding. He gave me a disturbed look and walked away without saying a word, dude, what is their problem?

‘Go Wait in the Attic’ — The Moment Everything Broke

The day after that, my boyfriend went back to my parents’ house for the conversation they had decided to have. The moment he walked in, it felt like a war room. They told him to sit down, then turned to me and told me to go wait in the attic. I wish I was kidding. Go wait. In the attic, where do you live? Is that, is that your room or do we need to call someone?

Hopefully you don’t still live there. This is like giving housemaid. Why are you in an attic and why do they want you to go there? This is scary. My boyfriend tried to insist that the conversation involved both of us, but my father demanded that I leave. I wouldn’t wanna stay with the dad. I’d be like, um, no.

She’s gonna stay with me, otherwise we’re both gonna leave for 40 minutes. They grilled him about his intentions and demanded. One that he agreed to financially support me getting a master’s degree, which I never wanted. Okay, wait. So first she’s a gold digger, but for marrying someone that’s making more money and now they’re telling him he has to financially support her in getting a master’s degree, but she never even said she wanted that.

Number two is that he put my name on the house title before marriage, even though the house was still under construction and no title even existed. This is, this is insane to me. Completely insane. I, I don’t even know, like, what do you do at that point? Like eventually I was allowed back in the room, my boyfriend again explained that a title didn’t exist yet, but they refused to accept it.

Then they turned to me yelling about how I thought I was going to pay for a wedding. They announced they didn’t believe in weddings. They don’t believe in weddings. Aren’t they married? And it’s not for them to decide. They wouldn’t, they said they wouldn’t pay a cent because weddings were a waste of money.

Okay? Just ’cause their marriage sucks, doesn’t mean they can put it on you, despite having had their own 50 K wedding in the nineties. So they have $50,000 wedding in the nineties, which today. Let’s look this up guys. A $50,000 wedding in the nineties is what in today’s world,

guys. $50,000 wedding in the nineties is equivalent to a 100,000 to $150,000 wedding today. And they’re trying to say, that is so freaking wild. Okay, here’s my philosophy, or here’s my theory. They’re either not doing well financially and. Maybe marriage wasn’t what they thought it would be because they’re unhappy people.

And so they’re thinking if their wedding was $50,000, they see how money has changed. They’re thinking they’re gonna have to cash, they’re thinking they’re gonna have to lend all this money to them, and they’re realizing they’re not happy in their own marriage and it was a scam. Um, so. They’re trying to be like, okay, well, she needs to get something out of this, so he needs to pay for her master’s degree.

I don’t know. That’s the only thing I can think of. I told them I didn’t need their money. They kept pushing. So my boyfriend finally said he had savings for a small wedding. My father scuffed looked him up and down and said, well, I guess we have a saver. They are jealous. They are so jealous of this boyfriend because he is doing well financially.

He has his shit together and he’s happy. He’s happy with their daughter and they’re not happy. There may, maybe they didn’t save money. They spent all their money on their wedding, and so now they’re living with the repercussions of their actions. Repercussions. Repercussions. Oh my gosh, these people. Then my mother launched into a how wait.

Then my mother launched into how I couldn’t get married the next year because I was also graduating and the family wouldn’t attend two parties for me in one year. That’s when I told them, we already set the date Oh, to be a fly on that wall.

They went ballistic. I’m laughing because I’m so uncomfortable and I’m not even there. Like, oh my gosh, this is terrible. This is terrible. They went ballistic, screaming verbally, verbally abusing me. Oh my gosh, and completely losing control. I finally snapped, yelled back, and stormed out. My father followed not to talk to me, but to apologize.

To my boyfriend for my behavior saying I’m sorry. She’s crazy. So now the dad’s like, Hey buddy, we’re friends. All these women, they’re so crazy. Get out of here. Get out of here. We walked down the block to the car and just stared each other. Finally, my boyfriend said, holy shit, you are right. He is like, yeah, you know what?

Um, I think I’m gonna take some time to think about this. Oh my gosh. That same day he offered to let me move in with him. He said he’d always suspected that my parents treated me badly, but he had no idea it was this dangerous. Um, and don’t tell, I mean, I know this is happening, this was in the past, but don’t tell your parents his address because they sound incredibly toxic.

Incredibly dangerous, abusive, like. Holy cow. This is, this is not good. We never got their blessing. We never got an apology. Two days later, after yet another argument, I packed my things and moved in with my in-laws at my husband’s insistence. I wish I could say I went, no contact with them, but the saga continued throughout our engagement.

Wedding and even the birth of our son and daughter. Girl, you’ve got so many stories to share. I, I have a lot of questions. Maybe I’ll reach out. Um, the fact that they were still invited to the wedding, they didn’t wanna offer anything, not saying parents have to or need to, of course not. Absolutely not.

But. It’s not like they were holding a string over your head. They were literally screaming at you. They never once supported you. They made fun of your boyfriend, then boyfriend. So to have them be a part of the engagement, your wedding, and now the birth of your son and daughter, I can see now why you relate to Ferris and Sloan story so much.

Choosing Safety, Breaking Cycles, and Protecting Peace

Oh, their first postpartum visit to our home is another insane story. One that ended with my husband banning them from our house entirely, but I think I’ve written enough for now. Oh, this poor girl. Oh my gosh. She really relates to Ferris and Sloan. It was, wasn’t until my grandpa. My only remaining tethered to them passed away in March, 2024 that I finally went no contact.

I am so proud of you. Like it’s so complicated. Relationships are so complicated, and you know, I’m not someone that you should be like, I’m not someone that’s like, oh, go no contact, because every relationship is nuanced. You never know, but based on what I know here. This was long overdue and I’m so proud of you and I’m sure it was very complicated and very hard to get to this point.

They still slander me daily on Facebook. These are emotionally, mentally, whatever else, spiritually emo i, immature parents. The fact they treat you like this and post about you on Facebook, like, ugh, tell ’em to grow up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my story. I feel like it has the right amount of chaos to be one in one of your videos.

And for the record, we did have a beautiful ceremony and reception. It was one of the best days of my life. Second only to the birth of birth of my children. And yes, my mother wore a black dress. No one really noticed. Okay, well I’m glad the mom. Elise, I’m assuming, behaved yourself at the wedding and hopefully the dad, they still had their wedding that they wanted, and it still was a beautiful day.

So I’m glad for that. I’m glad that some people were able to close their mouths on this special day and let them enjoy it. But that is a wild story. If you ever feel like writing in more and sharing the rest, please do. Um, a lot of people say like. Writing these stories out of things that happened to them or things that they’ve seen is kind of therapy in a, in it, it’s kind of therapy in itself.

Um, it allows you to really go through your emotions again and really understand what happened. And then hearing other people’s stories allow you to see that you’re not alone and you’re not crazy. Um, because I think sometimes like our mind plays tricks on us and it’s like, oh, it wasn’t as bad. It wa you know, it didn’t happen like that, but it was your experience.

So I think writing it out can be really helpful, um, and understanding yourself, understanding what happened. Um, and hopefully in sharing this, other people can relate to you and maybe give some advice. Um. Or if other people are in the early stages, maybe you are in an engagement right now where their parents or your parents or some other relative is acting like this.

Um, so maybe we can share some advice as well. Oh my gosh, this, this poor couple. I’m really happy for you guys being able to go No, no contact. I think a lot of times children can bring that out in people because you’re like, I don’t wanna subject my child to this, and the cycle ends with me. Proud of you guys for that.

Alright, let’s end this episode with some confessions and then we’ll, we’ll get on with our days. All right. This is your biggest wedding regret. We always like to mix these up on Instagram, so that was the question of the week. Here we go. My father-in-law tried to influence what I was wearing on my wedding day, but I refused, so he made me cry.

What’s with these father-in-laws trying to influence what the bride wears? I read another story like that about him picking out Amazon dresses because they were affordable, like he wasn’t even paying for it. I don’t understand that this regret. It says not getting a professional photographer and not enough pics with my parents.

I think that’s one of the number one regrets I see. Photographer is so worth it getting a good photographer or videographer because I will tell you, I still see my wedding photos. We have them hanging, I have ’em in a photo book and it’s, it was so worth it to me not trying to do a small ceremony on a beautiful, small chapel that I’ve always wanted.

Okay. That makes me sad. I think a lot of times we get influenced by other people around us, or we see movies or we see what our best friend did and we’re like, ah, I need to have a wedding like that. I need to have a big wedding. I need to do this. And it, it pulls us away from what is actually true to us.

Um. I wish I had switched out some friends in my wedding party for my cousins. That’s hard. That’s hard when you regret having or not having someone in your wedding. All right, last one.

I let my friend do my hair and makeup. She’s, I let my friend do my hair and makeup, but she is no longer in my life. She turned out to be narcissistic. Well, that’s a whole can of worms. I, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened. Um, is the regret because she was not good at hair and makeup or the regret is because you’re not friends anymore?

Because if she did it well, who, who really cares? Because you could just be like, oh, it was a hairdresser. If it was that she’s not your friend. You only did it because she was your friend at the time and it was a bad hairstyle and makeup then. Yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s a regret I would have. Fun fact, I did my sister’s hair and makeup on her wedding day, and I’m four years younger than her.

Um, I’ve always loved doing hair and makeup. I’m no. In no way, shape, or form a professional. You, you guys can see I’m learning every day. Um, but makeup was not something that, like my sister completely enjoyed I think at the time. Um, and I remember doing it for her prom too, and her, um, another dance too. Um, so that was like fun.

But I don’t think I’ve done it for anybody else. Yeah, I don’t know. Anyway, that was a wild episode, wild story. Again, thanks for being here, you guys. This is my one year. Birthday of the podcast of Here Comes the Drama. Um, it’s just been so much fun to create so much fun meeting all these people, hearing your stories.

Um, so if you guys love the podcast, please share it with a friend. Um. It just really helps the podcast get out as well and hear, have more people hear about it. Um, I’m just so incredibly grateful. And of course, as a reminder, we’re doing our year giveaway, um, three prize winners, so make sure you subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and comment on this video.

All you have to do is just make sure the word entered is in it. You can put anything else in there or nothing at all. Um, and the winner will be announced on March 12th. Um, we will reach out to you, we’ll comment on your, um, comment, and then we will also go through email after that going through the correct steps so we make sure we contact the right person.

All right guys. Thanks for hanging out with me. It’s been an amazing year and there’s so much more to come that I cannot wait to share. All right, guys, have a good one.

by Christa Innis

MILs, Feuds & Furry Guests — From the Vault with My MOH Ivette

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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When “I do” turns into “I don’t know what to do.” Wild.

From unexpected guest list debates to a mother-in-law meltdown that left everyone speechless, Me and my best friend Ivette dive into the wild world of wedding chaos. This episode is packed with hot takes, emotional moments, and wedding horror stories you won’t believe! Should couples feel obligated to invite family? Is banning kids a crime? And why are so many in-laws acting like it’s THEIR big day?

Listen in as I and my BFF and MOH Ivette spill the tea, share our own experiences, and remind you—it’s YOUR wedding, your rules.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

15:44 From Acquaintances to Best Friends

19:06 Hot Takes: Kids at Weddings & Wearing White

19:59 Wedding Guest List Drama: Who Stays & Who Goes?

27:15 Wedding Horror Story: The Mother-in-Law Meltdown

32:45 When Wedding Paperwork Goes Wrong

38:10 Wedding Confessions: Bridesmaid Disasters & Petty Payback

43:21 Ending the Drama: Mental Health & Marriage Advice

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Me and Ivette’s friendship journey—how we met and became inseparable
Wedding guest list debates: Obligation vs. personal preference
Mother-in-law horror stories: When family feuds take center stage
Unpopular wedding opinions: Kids at weddings, guests wearing white, and more
The pressure of tradition: When “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t work for you
Wedding planning vs. Marriage preparation—what really matters?
Bridesmaids & boundaries: What’s fair to expect from your wedding party?
The most shocking wedding confessions submitted by listeners

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
“Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
“Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
“Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
“If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Ivette:

Ivette is not just a special guest—she’s one of my closest friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding. As a supportive friend who has been part of my journey long before Here Comes the Drama was even an idea, Ivette brings warmth, humor, and thoughtful insights to the conversation. With a deep appreciation for meaningful relationships and personal growth, she shares her take on wedding traditions, family dynamics, and setting boundaries in the chaos of wedding planning. Whether reflecting on her own experiences or reacting to jaw-dropping wedding drama, Ivette keeps it real with heart and honesty.

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and if you are listening for the first time, welcome. We are the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings, events, and beyond. And today’s episode, of course, is packed with some juicy stories and hot takes that you will not wanna miss. Now we’re doing things a little bit different this time, and I’m releasing a never before shared episode with my best friend, Ivette. So a little background to this episode when I first. Plan this podcast out. So the first episode came out of January this year, which is wild to think about. We’re almost a year at this.

I like had a full roster of who I was going to interview or who I was gonna have on the podcast. And of course I wanted my best friend Ivette on there. She was the maid of honor in my own wedding. And so I figured, you know, we’d have a lot of fun stories to share. And so the first time I had her on, we recorded, gosh. It was after our, our kids went to bed we were on Zoom. And so, um, I wanna say it was like nine o’clock at night. So we’re both like tired and we recorded, and I think we’re both just kinda like perfectionist. Where afterwards, she texted me the next day and she was like, do you wanna redo it?

Or like, are you happy with it? And I think I was in my overthinking phase of this is just getting off the ground. Right? And I was like. I mean, we can redo it if you want, but like, let’s do a different story since we already like truly like live reacted to that one. And so recently I was like, I forgot we have that episode. And I was like, I just wanna listen to it. And I listened to it and it’s actually really good and it’s a shocking story. And it’s very real, uh, um, not like they’re normally not, but it’s just like. It’s two tired moms, AKA us, um, chatting and we’re just like doing a real reaction of what the story, and we’re just doing a real reaction.

And so I really liked it and I was like, you know what? I’m gonna share it. So I texted her and I was like, Hey, are you cool if I share this episode? I was there’s some really good insight. And um, it was a lot of fun. And she’s like, yeah, go ahead and share it. So I think we were just both in our stage of like, perfectionism and I was like nervous because I was so new. So when I do play it, which is gonna be in a minute, um, we’re gonna. She’ll be introducing herself and obviously since then I’ve had her on the podcast two different times. So, um, you guys, if you’ve listened, you know her now, but she’ll reintroduce herself then. This was recorded originally either February or March of this year.

So we are here now. Gosh. Eight, nine months later. So just to keep that in mind, a lot has changed since then. The layout of the podcast has changed as well, so I’m gonna play that in a minute. But before I do that. Next week is Thanksgiving. And what would Thanksgiving be if I just didn’t say a little note to you guys of how truly grateful I am for all of you. I mean, this is the most incredible community. I never saw this happening. I mean, when I was on my maternity leave two and a half years ago now, um. I just decided to pick up my phone and do a silly little skit. And you guys thought it was funny. And I remember keeping it a secret for so long because not like I was ashamed of it, but I just didn’t really know where it was gonna go.

And I feel like when you start telling people, you start viewing yourself differently, and I feel like you start acting a certain way. And so, um, I kept it kinda like to myself. Only my husband knew I was gonna do it. And it was this weird little thing. Like once my daughter would go to bed, I would like film in the bathroom. And I was like, what is my life right now? But it’s turned into so much more. It’s turned into this storytelling. It’s allowed me to share. So many stories from people from all over the world. I also am able to create my own stories, which, um, if you guys have been following, following me for a bit, you know, I love creating stories.

That’s what I went to school for. I’ve always loved writing. And so it’s just sparked something in me that I truly enjoy. And so, um, thank you to just like any of you guys for watching, for sharing, for listening on the podcast. No matter where you found me or how you found me, I’m just so grateful that you’re here now. And this is just the beginning. Um, this, because of this platform, I feel like I have the opportunity to share more and to help more and to hopefully make an impact. Um. And by the time this comes out, this might be a little late news, but like, for example, with everything happening with people losing their benefits and with, um, you know, I mean just the world is struggling right now.

So many people are struggling and so I did a. Feeding America fundraiser. Um, earlier last, actually at the end of last week, and in two days we raised $3,000, which was just incredible. And so hopefully, hopefully by the time this comes out, we can even double that. And that’s just a little teaser of like the kind of things I wanna keep doing. I wanna be able to help more people to. Share more ways of, um, impacting others as well. And um, I know I’m kind of going on a tangent now, but it just really means a lot to me, this community. And I don’t really take a time to sit back and just really realize what we’ve got going on here. And so to my, from the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say thank you.

Okay. Now I’m not gonna cry or anything. Let me get into the next segment. Okay. So before I get into, um, the previously recorded episode that no one has ever heard before, um, this is a wedding dilemma. So my brand new segment called Wedding Dilemmas or Wedding 9 1 1, um, is where people are sending me. They DM me, they email me current or past dilemmas. They’re kind of going through and they want just. Other feedback from people they want, honest, maybe unprofessional, um, advice from me. Um, what to do in the situation. So I got a longer one today, so we’re gonna read this one and I’ve not read it entirely. So let’s see what we got. Um, if you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me at Christa or.

If you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma and we will get to it. Okay, here is today’s wedding dilemma. So I’ve been a longtime watcher of your TikTok channel, and I’ve actually been engaged for a couple of years, but I was constantly getting met with a lot of apathy and negativity when I first started to try to plan the wedding. Not for my fiance of course. Recently my mom bought my wedding dress, and so we finally started to get the ball rolling. But in doing so and setting the date, everything is getting more real and some people are starting to ask the questions. I’ve been dreading. The main one is who is going to officiate?

That is an interesting question for people to ask because. I don’t think people asked me that unless I’m just forgetting. And that’s also not my first question when I hear someone’s engaged or planning their wedding. Um, it’s a fun question, but I don’t know. Interesting. My dad got ordained a few years ago. Okay. This is why. And he has a officiated, a couple of family weddings so far and he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he really wants to officiate my wedding. We know how I feel about family or friends coming in and demanding or making hints at being a part of the wedding as a vendor. And yes, an officiant is considered a vendor, right?

Fisht photographer or dj. They’re all vendors. They’re typically contracted and paid. So he’s trying to kind of get in there. I would just worked a wedding where the stepdad was the officiant and it was amazing. It was beautiful, but they asked him to do it. He had never done it before and he was so nervous, but he did a great job, but, and they asked him to do it because he’s so meaningful in their life. Okay. Um, there are multiple reasons. I do not want him to do this. The main reason is I’ve given, the main reason I’ve given is that for that day, I want him just to be the father of the bride and nothing else. I just want my dad. That is, that is all you need. That is a great reason alone. But I get it. If he’s been pushing for this, he might not understand, but like, I wanna do this for you, you know?

Now onto the reasons I don’t say to him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was pretty young and he left us okay this off the bat. Why would you want someone that cheated, especially on your own mother to officiate your wedding? I know I want it. Like that’s just, to me, that’s like a bad omen Don’t you want someone that like really values marriage and relationship and building blocks of moving forward? I mean, at least I do. Um, he had kids with the other woman that he also wasn’t present for. Oh gosh. Because he would leave her and get back together with my mom, and the entire situation was so messy. Oh my gosh. So he’s now screwing up and hurting two families because of his own selfishness. At the end of the day, I don’t want a man who couldn’t respect his marriage to officiate mine.

Yes, I agree with you. Number two, I am Christian, but my fiance is not. And while we are incorporating some Christian symbolism into our vows and our ceremony, we would also like to incorporate other things from his beliefs. I feel like my dad is going to push for an overly Christian ceremony that is gonna make both of us uncomfortable. And here’s the thing too, the hypocrisy, right? So. she’s Christian, so but she sounds very like accepting of like her husband’s not, so she wants to do a little mix of like what both of their beliefs. Right. Which I think is very normal and very wonderful. But for the dad to be like, he cheated in the sanctity of marriage.

He cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant. Doesn’t father those children or these children, leaves his families constantly, right. He wants to push for this very Christian wedding, and it’s like, okay, okay, what are we doing here? Um, number three, my dad believes in the role of wife, so to speak, and I absolutely hate this particular belief. Mostly just for how it has manifested with my own mom and how he believes I should accept being treated by a partner if I marry someone. So he probably thinks. even though he cheated, his wife should still accept him back because he’s the man. Right. I have been to so many weddings where I’ve heard very sexist language about the role of a woman, and I don’t wanna hear it on my wedding date.

Yeah. I I wouldn’t either. No. That’s something that I, when I was picking, um, an officiant side story, I was gonna have my uncle do it. He married all the cousins in our family. He’s my godfather. But, um, he was actually expecting a baby. Um, so the timing just didn’t work out, which I was so bummed about. But we ended up finding an amazing afic on the Knot. This is not sponsored. I literally just googled one day and the Knot came up and I found this amazing reverend um, Reverend Marsha. Shout out to her ’cause she’s amazing. Um. And one thing that I loved about her was that we had multiple zoom calls. We met in person and we went over the full ceremony detail by detail.

What kind of, what kind of thing are you looking for? Do you want it religious or not? Do you want a mix of religions? Do you want, um, a prayer? Do you want a unity? Like she really customize it for the couple and then before we agreed to it, or before we actually like had our rehearsal, um, she let us view. The prayers that were gonna be read, she had us view how she was gonna open it. Um, and we were able to say take this part out, put this part in. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about getting married is being able to customize it to you and your partner. Right. So just to kind of like jump the gun a little bit.

Sounds like this Dad was like, this is how it’s gonna be. I’m gonna tell you. How your marriage should be, even though he didn’t live up to his marriage. Um, uh, how it, how even though he didn’t live up to how the sanctity of marriage should be. Right Now, to some of my points, you may say, I need to. Now to some of my points, you may say, I need to just communicate with my dad that I don’t wanna hear that type of language, or just communicate on one type of ceremony I wanna have. But he’s incredibly condescending and dismissive when my point of view opposes his.

Ooh. To be frank, I’m concerned that because this is so important to him, it’s going to have ripple effects into our relationship. It took us years to get to a good place Again, I have considered letting him do the ceremony just because I know how important it’s to him, but at the end of the day, it feels like I’m constantly sacrificing my happiness and my comfort so the other people can feel special and seen. I want to feel seen on this one day. Okay. You know exactly what you want and you know exactly what you need to do. And I’m gonna tell you based on what you just told me, right? You can’t have your dad officiate your wedding. Plain and simple. He’s not going to follow what you tell him to. He’s gonna put his own beliefs in there about.

Your role as the wife, you are gonna have this built up resentment because of how he treated your family, specifically your mom and you kids that he doesn’t talk to. I don’t know if you have siblings, why start your marriage off with your partner with someone that did not respect their own marriage? Right. And I think this is the time where you really need to put your foot down. And yes, communicate with him. Absolutely. But just tell him again and be firm. I want you there as my dad and my dad. Only you can walk me down the aisle. We’ve actually already found Blink to officiate the wedding and leave it simple.

If he asks questions, you can give him some details. Um, if he seems like he’s going to try to do something or grab a mic, or make a speech or take over the ceremony, you need to be very clear that if he does not do this, he will be asked to leave. And that might seem harsh to some people listening, but now I’ve heard so many stories where people do this kind of thing. If they’re not given the position they want, or they’re not allowed to be photographer, they’re not allowed to do this, then Oh, I’m not coming, or you’ll regret it. But I truly, truly believe based on everything you’re telling me and how your relationship is with your father and how you’ve had to work back up to this spot, you will regret having him officiate your wedding.

There are certain things that yes, over time you can rebuild, but the fact that he’s dismissive, still condescending to you and you’ve seen him speak at weddings before where he’s very sexist. I think all signs point to no. So you gotta be firm. If you need someone behind you, obviously your partner is gonna be behind you.

Um, I don’t know his relationship with your mom currently. Um, it sounds like he kind of goes back and forth so. She needs to be on your side as well. Um, get everybody on your side and in the meantime, find someone that you guys both agree on should officiate your wedding and get on the same page. And that point, he can’t fill the role if it’s already been filled. So I hope that helps. I hope that was considered some good advice, but I just, like, I read through it and I’m just like, no, everything you’re saying. He tells me he should not officiate your wedding. You truly deserve to have the best day, feel seen and have a ceremony that really represents you and your partner in the best way.

So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well. And please send us updates. I would love to hear updates and um, hope everything goes well. All right guys. Now as I said, we are going to play, um, my previously recorded episode never before shared with my best friend and maid of honor, Ivette. So without further ado, please enjoy I.

Christa Innis: Welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I’m so excited. I’m just going to dive right in because one of my very best friends and was the actual maid of honor in my own wedding, my good friend, Ivette, welcome to the show.

Ivette: Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never done a podcast before, so I’m excited.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I knew like right away when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it in some way. guys like Ivette is just like. The kindest person. She’s like, we can go on and on about like how we met and all that stuff. But like, basically, our husbands have been best friends for a while.

So we met through them. But, she has been one of the most supportive and I don’t want to start crying. It’s an emotional day, guys. But, she’s just been one of the most supportive friends I could ever ask for. And so, here we go!

Ivette: Christa, when don’t you cry? I

Christa Innis: know! I was just telling someone, it was a joke at my wedding, that, like, in your speech, and Matt, who is Ivette’s husband, Both talked about how I cry all the time.

Yes. And it’s like not always sad stuff. It’s like happy stuff. It’s like I’m grateful listening to Taylor Swift, you know, whatever. but no, Ivette’s such a supportive friend. And so I knew that when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it. So, I’ll stop the tears. Ivette, if you want to do like a little intro of like who you are and then we’ll dive into this crazy, drama.

Ivette: yeah, so I’m Ivette. something fun about me, I don’t really, yeah, I guess, I just met Christa through my husband, who’s best friends with her husband, and it was kind of like a crazy journey because, I had like known, we’ve known each other, but we never really like hit it off. I think it was just, it wasn’t our time.

And then my husband and I were getting married. and Christa was just, again, so supportive, so kind. I think that when you always, like when anyone gets to know you, you always are so warm and welcoming and you always see people. that are like left out in the corner and again, I’m talking about you, right?

But, I’m just so grateful to be your friend. So if I were to introduce myself, I am your friend. I’m someone that has been cheering you on and that, has heard about this podcast. Probably like five years ago before it was even a thing before you even started any of it. so I’ve been hearing about, different titles and, different ways that you wanted to start this.

And yeah, I’m just so proud of you. and being a part of just one episode means a lot. So,

Christa Innis: well, I’m proud of you. I remember you’re talking about like your, wedding. And so at that point when Ivette was like planning her wedding, like, I think it was Matt. Matt might have still been living with us. I’m not even sure at that point, but no, at that point.

Ivette: You guys are like our wedding in the city or when we lived in the city. We lived in the city when we got married,

Christa Innis: right? Okay. Yes. Yeah. And, but I remember like asking, like, we were just talking about your wedding planning and stuff and we were not like super close friends. We were more like acquaintances.

We would see each other at things and we were obviously always friendly. But I remember specifically like asking you like, Oh, what are your, like, what are you doing for your wedding colors? what are your bridesmaids dress? Like just asking questions and then like. Before I knew it, like, I ended up just being, like, a part of your wedding stuff.

I wasn’t in the wedding, but, like, there the night before, like, we hung out, and, like, I just

Ivette: Yeah. And I always say like, you should have been a part of my wedding because you did so much for my wedding. Like, you just have that natural gift to like, want to help people or be there for people.

And looking back at it, like we were starting to be close friends at that point it felt like. And I feel like that brought us even closer together. but even that night, I just remember like, you should stay with all my bridesmaids. Like you’ve been a part of the process, just like be with me kind of thing. And so it was, yeah, really good to have you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and then it was like we got closer and then when Zach and I started, when we got engaged, I was like, hands down, like, Ivette’s gonna be my maid of honor, or matron of honor, as I guess it’s technically called, but, okay. enough of Cause guys, we can like, Ivette and I could talk for hours and just like, keep going.

So I’ll kind of like forget that it’s being recorded. okay. Let’s jump in to, I always like to start with crazy stories and wedding hot takes. I know we were kind of talking about that before we started. So do you have any like crazy stories that come right off the bat and not to put you on the spot, kind of talk through some wedding hot takes as well.

Ivette: I don’t know if I, I honestly haven’t been, Like in as many weddings as you have, I feel like you were like 27 dresses kind of situation. Like you’ve had so many bridesmaids dresses. I haven’t had any like wild stories. I’ve had some fun bachelorette parties. but that’s really it. Nothing other than one too crazy. So,

Christa Innis: yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And I feel like too, it It seems like so long ago and we were like all in like, I feel like there was just wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding for a while and then there kind of been some pause and I’ve been like babies, you know, all that stuff.

So, okay, so let’s get into some hot takes. So these are hot takes that people sent in. And so let’s kind of react to them and see what we think. So the first one says couples should stick to a traditional guest list Or is it okay to make bold cuts for budget or personal reasons? So I share first. Sure. Yeah.

Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries

Ivette: here’s the thing. I come from a really, really big family and I am someone who’s been trying to break cycles and I think that family is a good thing when it’s people that reach out to you when it’s people that show that they care about you and want to engage with you and have been a process from the beginning, maybe even halfway.

But if it’s someone that feels entitled to be a part of your big day, just because. I’m like, cut them out. If it’s unhealthy, like, I don’t want you a part of it.there’s a part of me that wants to follow tradition. but also traditions can get us into trouble and can get us into cycles. And, unhealthy relationships. And I’m not about that. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah, just saying the yes just because they’re a family member or somehow related or they were your neighbor growing up. Like, we need to, I feel like, evaluate each relationship and how, not necessarily how they serve us, but how we’ve, like, served each other. It might be, like, both ends of it, because I feel like a lot of times when I share stories, people are like, Oh, well, that bride is, entitled. And it’s like, we have to look at it from both angles. Like, have they reached out to each other in the past couple of years? Or has that person ever asked about the bride’s life? Or, you know, that kind of thing. It’s, important.

Ivette: Yeah, and I even think, like, I didn’t have any kids at my wedding, unless it was, like, People that were in the party, like the brides, my bridesmaids or the groomsmen and it was like their kids, that kind of thing. That’s okay. But for me, it’s okay to be like, Hey, no kids, because I don’t want to be worried about kids at my wedding.

You know what I mean? I don’t want them to like take away. And that’s not to say that like, Oh, I’m being like a bridezilla, but it’s more like it’s my day. And I get to be there with all the people that I love. And I really want to like, enjoy that,

Christa Innis: yeah, I think kids is always like a really hot topic because everyone’s like really strongly opinionated and I was like to remind people that you can be as opinionated as you want for your own money, you know, because it’s not up to us to dictate how someone else does their own day or like what their relationship is like some people want it.

Every single person to bring all their kids and add 50 people to the guest list and other people are like, you know what? I’m gonna invite just like immediate family kids or you know, whatever. So that’s so important I think it would definitely I would say this to Zach I feel like it’d be a lot harder now like now getting married with like having so many close friends and their kids because Back when, like, I got married and you got married, like, a lot of us didn’t have kids yet.

And so it was a lot easier to be like, okay, like, we can make a cut here because, you know, there aren’t a lot yet. Yeah. I feel like this is like an obvious one, but do you think it’s okay for guests to wear white to a wedding?

Ivette: No.

Christa Innis: If the couple doesn’t explicitly say not to. No.

Ivette: No, like, you cannot wear white.

I think, I have sweet friends that are like, Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. But if I were a guest at their wedding and somebody else is wearing white, I’d be like, You need to go change. Like, go change. This is her day. That’s not okay. Yeah. that part of the tradition. I’m like, that needs to stay.

Christa Innis: yeah, unless it says this is a black and white tie affair or whatever, which even then, I think I would still pick a black dress.

Ivette: Absolutely. Like,

Christa Innis: I would just feel very, very odd to wear a white gown to someone else’s wedding. yeah, I feel like that’s one of those things where I feel like if you are wearing a white dress to someone’s wedding, you know what you’re doing.

Ivette: You want the attention on you.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you can’t claim ignorance. During the pot. Yeah. Okay. Jumping into a fun segment. Pick a side wedding drama debates. Okay. So these are a couple of things that people also have shared on Instagram. we’re going to kind of call unpopular opinions, but sometimes I read them and I’m like, I agree with you.

Okay. If a parent helps pay for the wedding, they don’t have as much say because it still is not their wedding. I agree.

Ivette: you don’t have to pay for the wedding, like that, you’re gifting that, so I think it’s their wedding, you gift it, it’s not like I’m gonna gift you a t shirt and I’m gonna say like, this is where you can wear it, you can’t wear it here, you can only wear it with these people, so I look at it the same way, it’s a gift and that’s it, and they can spend it how they’d like.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that is a great point about a t shirt. I tried sharing a similar analogy like that online one time and I would say like half people got half in it because I think people are so stuck on. Well, if I’m giving that much money, I better like be there making decision. It’s like you can be involved as much as a bride and groom wants, but you cannot go over their head or have strings attached to every little thing for sure. this can be like kind of a hot take. People are more worried about the party than what it means to get married and have a marriage.

Ivette: Unfortunately, I’m going to say yeah, like I tried really hard for my wedding to vocalize it and in my speech, I really wanted to make it a point like, hey, thank you all for being here, because this is the start of our marriage. And you guys are here, not to party with us yes it was a party, but like to witness this, and the people in our wedding party, including you. I feel like I’ve been invited to be a part of my marriage and like support us when we’re struggling, when we’re having a good time to like celebrate the highs and like hold us in the lows.

And so I think unfortunately, from a larger perspective, it is all about the party and like following the trends and like showing, I don’t know, just like having the most beautiful wedding and the most beautiful dress, but I have been so encouraged. I’ve been with. My really good friends who are, are not, all like that. They’re not like that. And it’s really, they’re laid back and they’re just so happy to be married to the love of their life, and I think that’s what it really needs to be about.

Christa Innis: yeah, I think it’s a really good indication, like, when we see lot of the celebrity weddings, and they spend, like, sometimes a million.

I think I just saw, like, Kim Kardashian spent, like, 11 million at the wedding with, like, Chris Humphrey? I’m not very For some for you. Attuned to those things. Yeah. Okay. So you’re more Taylor Swift. I’m more Taylor Swift. Yeah. Taylor Swift. but yeah, so they spent like 11 million and people think like, Oh, it’s this amazing wedding.

They put all this money in, but it didn’t last long. And so I think people need to remember like, yes, it’s a great time to celebrate with friends and family, but, we should be worried, not worried, but like more focused on is what’s to come. What’s down the line. Because if it’s all about show and, the big day, then we’re kind of losing that a little bit.

Ivette: Yeah, I agree 100%.

The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so I want to jump in because I know we don’t have a ton of time. So I want to jump in and read, this week’s story. so we’ll just kind of read it and then we’ll react as it goes. she says, or they say, because I don’t know what it is. Okay. Hi, I’ll try to make it shorter, but there is a lot of drama. My mother in law and sister in law showed up late to my wedding, missing most of the pictures, only taking ones with my husband. My sister in law brought her dog to the wedding, not a service animal, and inside the church. Late on the pews and in the reception hall around the food, there was a minor issue with the food being put out by the church attendants that turned into the little old church ladies yelling at my mom and making her cry.

All she was going to do was get the food out for my guests. Okay, already we’re off to a rough start. Yikes.

Ivette: Yikes.

Christa Innis: my mother in law witnessed this and tried apologizing to the church ladies, telling them their family is trash and I wish my son never married her. Oh, that’s bad. That is bad. My sister walked in on the convo and my mother in law stuck her finger into my sister’s chest saying, you’re the worst of them.

I can’t let this happen at someone’s wedding. We then had to kick my mother in law out of the wedding. After yelling at multiple people, she stayed outside the event, throwing a fit, and telling anyone who listened to her that we were terrible people. She somehow got back into the wedding reception as the mother and son dance was announced. Why, I would be like running to the DJ being like, we’re not doing that dance anymore.

Ivette: Like, yeah, no, you’re out. I just want to know like what the husband did. Like, what did he do?

Christa Innis: That’s my thought. I feel like so many times in these stories, like, The bride submits it to me or like someone in the wedding party.

And we don’t hear anything about what the groom was doing or like where he was. But I feel like that should be the like, not tiebreaker, but the person being like, okay. We need you to calm down, mom.

Ivette: Yeah, like, where is he, what is he doing to support his new wife? Like, the red flags, red flags already.

Christa Innis: Like, come on. Yes, especially like this mother and son dance. Why is that still happening if she was kicked out? Yeah. She must, I feel like she like, went and was like, ready for it somehow. Like, went in back door.let’s see. It says, my husband did the dance with her. But all of the pictures show my husband’s mad face with her. So, okay, so he was mad, but he still did this dance with her.

Ivette: It’s so hard. Like, okay, it’s hard because, okay, I put myself in his shoes. It’s like, am I going to regret not having the dance with my mother? Okay. Like I get that. But also like his mom just made his life so complicated because now he has to like, in a sense, choose between his.

New family, his family now, his wife, his family and his mother and that you as a parent, you shouldn’t want to do that for your son, yeah, I feel like, okay, maybe you aren’t,like happy with this choice. And maybe it’s not like your first choice, but that’s on him and for you to do that and like ruin their wedding if my mother in law did that to me, I. Would not be talking to her and my husband supported her or like didn’t stand up for me and my family That would be very concerning.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s an odd thing where you do hear a lot It happens more with Boy moms, where it’s like my son, like you’re taking my son away from me and it seems very dramatic and a lot of the skits I do but so many comments are like this happened to me, this was my reality until we cut her off or something like that and I’m like I can’t even imagine because like I have an amazing mother in law too, it’s like I could never imagine her treating me that way and but when you hear these stories you’re like what is it that makes them so cool.

I don’t know. Is it a jealousy thing? Is it like losing time with their son? getting older. They’re going to miss out. but ultimately they’re just pushing their son further away. Absolutely. I don’t

Ivette: know what it is. Like I only have girls, like, I can’t picture what it would be like to be a boy mom and then have to like let go of my son.

I feel like, I would want to do like girl talk with my daughter in law and like, Do girl stuff with her. So it’s just, strange to me to think.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t know. Yeah, that’s, my thought too. And it’s like, growing your family or adding into your family.

I feel like to some of the stories that I read, it’s like they have these high expectations of who their future daughter in law should be. So if they don’t fit this picture perfect idea of what they envisioned or who they envisioned their son with, they’re going to find something wrong with them. Maybe they’re really close to their mom and, you know, they don’t like the connection or the relationship they see, then there might be, some issue there, but I don’t know.

Ivette: I also, think you, I think this might be what you’re getting at, or you mentioned it before. It’s like, they’re stealing him away, or like, Now all the maybe they spent a lot of time together or something like that Is that we were trying to get out and now it’s like no now, it’s like, okay now she’s a new priority And definitely jealousy.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy I also can’t imagine being left with so many like terrible memories of your wedding being like looking at pictures and being like oh, I remember when this happened like this is terrible like I was like to remind people is like We read these crazy stories that happen, but most of the time.

Drama does not happen, like I said, at weddings, and most of the time you won’t even know if they do happen. but when they do happen like this, people talk about them and share them because they’re like, this is outrageous. So, and not, like, not to scare people away. okay, it ends with, she then left.

Two days later, we met up at a restaurant To talk where she freaked out calling me a drunk B word because I walked around with a bottle of wine for other people and then she stormed out of the restaurant to make matters worse. Our wedding paperwork was not stamped by the county, so we were not legally married until two weeks after this, and then we had to go back and do it again with just a small group. Wait, I thought you have to then do it again.

Ivette: Well, you have like a certain amount of time to like sign the paperwork because If I remember correctly, like they give, like whenever they perform marriage ceremony, you’re not, always like signing the paperwork, right. You’re not actually getting married.

And so a lot of people like, don’t realize that I’m like, oh, we’re not actually married. So if you don’t do it. Maybe it’s like 48 or 24. I’m not sure this is wrong. by a certain time, you’re not legally married. So then, yeah, you would have to do it again. So couldn’t they have just gone to the courthouse and signed it though? They could have. I’m just, maybe they wanted, their family members to be there.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Yeah, that’s like, that is interesting because I just heard, no, where was it? I saw a video of a girl talking about they were supposed to like do all the paperwork for like their wedding coming up and their husband didn’t file the paperwork so they couldn’t get their marriage license.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, like that was something my reverend, I want to say my reverend was like, really like adamant. She’s like, don’t forget to do this. Like you need to do this this weekend. She sent me like a timeline because other than otherwise I would not have known to do that. Like,

Ivette: I mean, I didn’t even know you had to get a marriage license.

And then when you got it, I also didn’t know that it’s only good for a certain amount of time. And I didn’t know that it was like for specific County, which is crazy. Like, I didn’t know any of this. You know, I’ve never been married before. And then, did you know that some people have to get, like, their blood work done? Or, like, yeah, they have to make sure, like, for smaller towns. They used to do this, here in Illinois. They had to make sure that you weren’t somehow related, to each other. So you had to go to, like, a doctor. Improve. Yes. we should look that up. We should look that up.

Christa Innis: We should look that up. I’m gonna look that up.

Wait, I literally just started Googling, did you have to get a blood test? And I literally just had to get married. See, it goes. No, you don’t wait. Most no longer require it. But in the late eight nineteen thirties states began revolting blood tests

Ivette: for

Christa Innis: syphilis to

Ivette: show that applicants were not contagious.

Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was what they weren’t. Okay,

Christa Innis: but certain states it was with like within the last 25 years, they stopped doing it. So some probably kept it longer. Maybe that’s because there was like such an issue. Like people find out years later, like, Oh, actually married my cousin or something. The

Ivette: real, yeah. reason why I know is because my mother in law was telling me when we were getting married, she’s like, Oh, you’re lucky.

You don’t have to like get all the blood work done. I was like, what are you talking about? So yeah, that’s what I found out. So she had to do it when she

Christa Innis: had to do

Ivette: it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And she probably got married in what the eighties. Yes. So that’s not that long ago. Yeah. No. Well, I guess the eighties are going on 40 years ago.

Wait, is that 40 years ago? That’s over years ago. Yes.

Ivette: I see. I think it’s the eighties, like 20 years ago.

Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go

Christa Innis: Me too. I’m just a baby. I’m like a teenager still. I know. I know. I know. I know. Like what? that would be something actually kind of cool to look at for like future episodes to see like traditions that have changed because that’s the thing too.

I think people are so stuck on traditions when it comes to weddings. And we need to remember, like, times have changed. Like, people get offended when I post about people having private vows. They’re like, well, why even have a wedding? And it’s like, everyone has their own reasons for wanting to do things differently.

Or one girl was posting saying her family told her that her wedding didn’t count because she didn’t want to walk down the aisle by herself. So her husband actually grabbed her at the beginning and they walked together like kind of you and yeah And she was like my whole family said it wasn’t me actually getting married because it wasn’t traditional But I feel like you like let go of some of those traditions I think traditions are beautiful but we also need to look at them and be like does this make sense for me or am I comfortable with this and understand that times have changed.

Ivette: Yeah, that makes so much sense. my grandfather, he passed away now, but, I remember my mom telling me after I got married, she’s like, your grandpa was like, what is this? Like, why aren’t we at a church? My family’s Roman Catholic. And they’re really big into Catholicism. I’m not Catholic. And so I still had, different aspects or different.

part of like religion and at my wedding, but I didn’t want to add a big church because it didn’t feel right to me and my heart was like, you guys aren’t even like married because you guys aren’t married before God. I was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like some of those things you just have to like take and just like, let it roll off your back.

It’s like one of those, it’s not worth. Explaining. But yeah, I remember that, too, growing up, in the Catholic Church. It was like, it only, counts here, but it’s like, there’s so many different ways of doing it. And actually, and this is something I haven’t really fully looked into, but the Reverend at my wedding, she does, like, multiple, denominations of, like, Christian weddings or even, like, non Christian weddings.

And, my friend who still practices Catholicism, she did their wedding. But I wonder if that’s even like recognized by the Catholic Church because it’s not a priest. But I don’t know. I haven’t looked into that. So,

Ivette: which is interesting because then like moving on into your life, like if you want to have.

Like kids or have them, like do the first communion or not to get into religion, but then it’s like, wait, were you married in the church? You know what I mean? It’s very interesting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different. Little things to consider, but yeah, these stories just never, never seemed to shock me. I just feel like, I don’t know.

So I know we don’t have much time I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but I want to end it with our weekly confessions game. I’m still kind of figuring out how I’m like going to do this, but like people are sending me their confessions and I was having people rate it, but I don’t know if that really makes sense.

So we’re just going to read them. Okay. And react to like, your thoughts on it. This person said my bridesmaid from another state didn’t even bother to show up to anything. Just the wedding. Okay.

The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?

So when I read that. I have like a more questions and it’s not like in a judgmental way, I was one time I had questions for the bride and everyone’s like, don’t judge her. But I was like, I’m just wondering, like, the bridesmaid say she was coming to these things and then just not show up?

Or when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was like, I’ll let you know if I can make it to certain things. Like maybe she has kids or she has got multiple jobs and then just couldn’t come to a bachelorette party or couldn’t come to a shower And I think you were the same way, but like, when it came to my wedding, I told my bridesmaids, I was like, you know what, like, here’s the dresses, like pick your style.

If you can’t come to the shower, it’s okay. If you can’t come to the bachelorette party, it’s okay. In fact, I had two people not come to the bachelorette party and I think someone couldn’t make it to the shower. But to me, that wasn’t like high priority. It was like, you know what? I want you by my side at the wedding day.

So I don’t know what your takes are on that. I agree.

Ivette: I agree a hundred percent. Like I said, the other stuff is kind of like the fluff, right? Like, yes, you want them to be a part of like the journey and stuff, but they’ve been a part of your journey. Like that’s why they’re a part of your party, your wedding party.

and actually in my wedding, same thing. I had somebody come just for the wedding. And then they left and I didn’t even see them. I didn’t get to spend much time with them, but it meant so much to me that she would even like agree to be a part, of it and be a witness. To like my story with my husband.

So yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that goes back to communication is so important when you’re a bride and you’re expecting things of other people. There’s gonna be brides that like want things like this and like everyone must be in attendance where these kind of outfits and I’ve never been a part of a wedding like that.

I’ve just heard of them. so I think it’s good to be upfront and clear if you want something like that. Now, if it’s the bridesmaid saying she’s gonna come to all these things and then just bails last minute, then yeah, that’s a problem on the bridesmaid, because that’s just kind of a flaky person.

Ivette: I have a problem with like people saying that they’re gonna come and like be there. And yeah, they come, but they’re not present. I don’t know how to, like, explain that in a better way. that’s just

Christa Innis: hard

Ivette: for me.

Christa Innis: More like they’re checking a box and not actually, like Yes. A part of it.

Yes, that’s hard. Like if you were to invite someone and they were on their phone the whole time. Or sitting in the corner, not actually engaging. Yes. Yeah, then you’re like, why did you even You’re just a body right now. Right, . right. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. okay. Anytime I post about my wedding, I purposely don’t include photos of my mother in law.

Is this next confession?

Ivette: Okay.I don’t really know what to say. Okay. I feel like obviously there isn’t a good relationship with your mother in law. are you doing this on purpose because you know that your mother in law is going to see the post and not see herself? Like, are you doing this out of malice or, are you doing it because she hurt you?

And also I want to know, like, what do you bring to the table? Because, relationships are a two way street. So, like, is this just on her? It could be. But do you have faults in it? It could also be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I want to say too, like, I’ve seen on the other side, like, a friend of mine, I’m not going to give too many details because I know she’s probably listening, and I don’t want to, like, give it away, but, she had, like, kind of, like, I wouldn’t say terrible relationship with her mother in law, it was just kind of, like, they butted heads here and there, and they just did not agree on a lot of stuff, and one day she, like, looked inside herself, And then they like, they literally like had conversations and I asked her recently and she’s like, things are amazing.

Things are great. And I think sometimes we like, hold on me. No, we love no, yeah, definitely not you. but She was like, things are so great, and like, she’s like, it was just like a communication thing, and I think it’s also we put our own guards up, like if, or if we see one thing that’s kind of like, weird, then we kind of are like, I don’t know, then constantly have a guard up, or like little things that irk us, but she’s like, no, things have been amazing, and so like, I think there’s always a chance, but.

Oh,

Ivette: that’s good, yeah.

Christa Innis: But this definitely says there’s some kind of animosity between the two of them, for sure. Yeah. okay, last one before we’ll close off. I know you gotta head out. okay, sister in law called off wedding planning to elope, told us to bring food to share at a potluck reception.

I feel like I have more questions, too. only get so much. But, was there a date set and we were gonna do this whole wedding and then she was like, Hey. We’re actually just going to elope, bring some food and that’s it.

Ivette: I want to know like how much in advance, like, what was the notice like?

Like, did everyone already have their rides made, dresses, or you know what I mean? Like, did everyone have all the stuff, all the foo foo, or like paper, hair and makeup already? Cause I think that would be upsetting to me, like knowing that I’ve invested so much. but also. Like, if that’s what you want to do, like, good for you, like, that sounds fun.

And if, I support that if you’re doing it in a way that’s being respectful to the people that are in your wedding.

Christa Innis: Absolutely. Like if you started playing and you’re like, this is too much for me, let’s elope. That seems more my style. Do you grow? Like I’m all about that because so many people regret their wedding.

I think when they don’t do what is true to them and their spouse. whether it’s they went big and they wanted to go small or they went small and they wanted to go big. There’s so many opinions. So just like tune it all out and do what works for you. well, I want to thank you so much for coming on.

I feel, I feel so weird being like formal with you because like not how we talk. But I try to like be like as loosey goosey as possible. But I know we didn’t really get too much into like you personally and what you personally do. But is there anything like I don’t know, cool or funny you want to share that you’re working on, or like a little bit more about you and then, I don’t

Ivette: know.

Yeah,

Christa Innis: I mean

Ivette: for me, I’m all about working with people and mental health. So I just encourage couples that like want to get married to be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, like set yourself up for success and ask really hard questions now because you don’t want to go into marriage and have to ask yourself these questions. your first year, second year, you don’t go to university without first having read the reviews and learning about the programs. You don’t get a job without understanding the salary with the hours of life. And this is like the biggest decision of your life. So, prepare, get ready for the test.

You know, you should be studying, you should be learning each other. and yeah, that’s, really my encouragement. And then another thing that I want to say is if you’re pointing your finger at your partner, Look in the mirror first, right? Like, let’s see what we can offer. Let’s see, maybe areas that we can work on.

And so, yeah, I’m all about mental health and making our relationship work, but in reality, we can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So.

Christa Innis: I need like wise words from Ivette like probably like every week because there’s so many times and I was just saying this to Ivette before we like caught on I feel like there’s always some kind of like mental break I’m having whenever I like we’re like getting together and I’m like panicking over something and I’m like why does this always happen and she’s like I’m your safe space

Ivette: and I’m like I’m safe.

People come to me because you know what, if you tell me like your lowest, I’m going to up you and tell you something lower about myself to make you feel good about yourself and make you see that, we’re all human. We can all grow.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we’re going to work on a regular segment guys.

Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you’re,busy woman. You’re a mom of two. So are you. You’re in school, you’re working, you’re doing your thing. I’m so proud of you and, Thanks so much. Yeah, of course.

by Christa Innis

Money Fights, Fake Promises, and a Forgetful DJ with Cassie Horrell

What do you do when your DJ forgets the first dance and narrates the cake cutting like it’s a football game?

Christa and Cassie are back with some jaw-dropping stories from the wedding trenches! This episode dives into vendor red flags, social media pressure, and one mother-in-law so toxic, the entire wedding had a shocking surprise! From aisle music glitches to guest list drama, it’s a cautionary tale and a comedy of errors.

Plus: how to stand firm when everyone has an opinion, why comparison will kill your joy, and what to do when your wedding no longer feels like your own.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:13 Cassie’s Wedding Workload + Book Update

03:40 DJ Disaster Story #1: The Forgotten First Dance

07:01 Cringe Cake Cutting Narration

08:37 DJ Regret and Trust Issues

10:04 Ghost Music and the Silent Aisle Walk

12:04 Wedding Hot Takes: Cash vs. Gifts

14:37 Guest List Pressure from Parents

16:47 Story Submission: MIL Manipulation and Wedding Fallout

25:59 The Fallout: Family, Boundaries, and Breakdowns

30:05 The Driving Analogy: Staying True to Your Vision

34:14 Comparison Culture and Social Media Pressure

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The DJ Debacle – Cassie shares an awkward, cringey moment where a DJ forgot the first dance… then asked the couple for the song in front of their guests.
Narrating the Cake Cutting?! – When a DJ goes full sportscaster, it’s not the vibe—Christa and Cassie relive a moment that made the whole room cringe.
MIL Drama That Killed the Wedding – A real listener story: secret recordings, family feuds, and a mom who refused to take responsibility.
Ghosted by the Music – Another wedding, another music fail—this time with a mysteriously silent aisle walk that left the bride shaken.
Hot Takes on Money Gifts – Cassie dishes on how to tastefully ask for cash… and when it crosses the line into tacky.
Guest List Politics – From never-met relatives to social media expectations, they unpack why couples feel pressure to include people they barely know.
The Comparison Trap – Pinterest weddings vs. reality: why chasing a $300K wedding aesthetic will only break your spirit—and budget.
Elopement vs. Expectations – When family opinions derail your plans, Christa and Cassie talk about how to take the wheel back.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“We call them ghosts—because sometimes music just stops.” – Cassie Horrell
“The DJ had the timeline in front of him and still forgot everything.” – Cassie Horrell
“He narrated the cake cutting like it was a sports event—I wanted to disappear.” – Cassie Horrell
“Some people can’t silently support—they need to insert themselves.” – Cassie Horrell
“Weddings don’t break families. They reveal the cracks that were already there.” – Cassie Horrell
“If you’re more excited to post your wedding than live it—that’s the red flag.” – Christa Innis
“She expected everyone to forget what she did—like it never happened.” – Christa Innis
“You have to kick people out of the car and drive your own wedding.” – Christa Innis
“This wasn’t about a honeymoon. It was about control.” – Christa Innis
“Comparison culture is the silent killer of joyful weddings.” – Christa Innis

About Cassie

Cassie Horrell is a seasoned wedding planner and event coordinator known for her ability to handle even the most unpredictable wedding day chaos with humor and grace. With years of experience in the industry, Cassie has seen it all—from heartwarming moments to jaw-dropping disasters—and she’s not afraid to spill the tea. She’s passionate about helping couples navigate the stress of wedding planning, set boundaries with overbearing family members, and create a day that feels authentically theirs. Whether it’s dodging last-minute guest list surprises or dealing with wedding etiquette debates, Cassie brings expertise, real talk, and a whole lot of laughs.

Follow Cassie Horrell

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Cassie. Welcome back to the show.

Cassie Horrell: Thank you for having me. I’m so excited.

Christa Innis: I felt like such an announcer when I said that. Welcome back to the show. I was just saying before I started recording, so many people, like all the time in the comments are like, we need a Cassie and Christa collab. Like they just loved seeing you on the episode.

And so it’s always fun to connect and I feel like we had a great time hanging out last time.

Cassie Horrell: Yes, we did. And I feel like we have similar audiences, so people are like rooting for us to do a collab and I’m like,

Christa Innis: here we are. Yes, here it is. I know. So I was like, you know what? We gotta have you come back on and like talk some more wedding stuff.

’cause your story last time, still, it was funny, it was one of those where like I always like listen them back through, obviously before they go out and I was still like, cracking up. and I had my husband listen and he was like, dying at the story. He’s like, that’s not where I thought the story was gonna go.

Cassie Horrell: No, it was a, heartwarming but unexpected grandma.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh. I love it. yeah, for anyone that has not listened to the other episode with Cassie, please go back and listen to that one. That was episode 10. it’s a good one for sure. So before we get into it, can you just reintroduce yourself or anyone that didn’t hear the last episode or just.

Doesn’t know about you yet. Yeah,

Cassie Horrell: my name’s Cassie. Most of the internet knows me as Wedding Pro casts. I’ve been in the industry for about 12 years now. doing all things wedding. I’ve worked in probably every capacity of a wedding from venue side to planning to luxury catering, so I got to see a lot behind the scenes and helped couples plan an all.

Different cultures and budget levels, which is amazing. currently I’m the director of events at the History Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I own a mobile bar, clink 92, that serves weddings in Ohio and Pennsylvania. And then I also do personal planning, where I have clients all over the world.

Planning their weddings and then I assist them virtually as well with, virtual support, one-on-one consultation. So I live, eat, breathe weddings.

Christa Innis: Yeah, you are busy. I’m like tired. Just hearing all of that. Gosh. So, and last time we talked too, you were writing some children’s books too, like what’s the update on that?

Yes. So they have

Cassie Horrell: been written, they have been illustrated and I’m just figuring out how I want to launch them. I mean, you’re in a book launch as well, so the process is fun and you have to navigate like the ups and downs. To me, I just wanna make sure when I bring it forward and I launch it, that it’s exactly what I want, so.

I’ve asked my nieces to illustrate some of the books, so kind of getting those parts in with the other illustrator I work with. It will all come together and I’m hoping June is when these will be out and ready to go. but I’ll definitely share more once I know.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh, awesome. I was just telling my husband about that too.

’cause I was like, that is such a cool, book idea too. ’cause I feel like when we were asking our nieces and nephews to be in the wedding, like there were some stuff out there, but I love the idea of a book and that’s such a cute way, especially encouraging them to read and like, I feel like there’s just, it’s a good memento too.

Cassie Horrell: Yes, and I think it’s the mom in me I have a three-year-old, so he’s always reading books and to me, I’m like, I definitely wanna write a children’s book. It’s always been on my bucket list, so why not combine something I’m passionate with? I.

the children’s book, and it’s special because one of my nieces that’s drawing for the book was my flower girl.

Christa Innis: Oh. So

Cassie Horrell: I’m like, it kind of is like a full circle moment since it’s about asking your flower girl ring barrier, your little people to be in your wedding.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. Oh my gosh. She’s gonna like remember that forever that she was an artist in a book. Like how cool is that? Yeah, I love that. Let’s get into the beginning of crazy stories and hot takes. I know you, we talked about, you shared a really heartwarming and surprising story last time. So what story do you have for us today?

Cassie Horrell: I’m going to share a story. I. About one of the most cringe worthy moments I’ve seen at a wedding and it deals with a dj.

Christa Innis: Oh God.

Cassie Horrell: So it’s kind of a long-winded story, but I’ll try to get through it quickly.

Christa Innis: I’m gonna dive right in. So this was probably, I don’t know, three or four years into my career. I’ve always been like an over communicator when it comes to working with vendors, especially when you work on the venue side.

Cassie Horrell: So before the wedding day, I had reached out to this DJ one month out and then seven days out, and the DJ was so communicative, like a surprise. Sometimes vendors are so busy they don’t get back to you, but this vendor was great. No red flags. He’s responding to my emails, he’s asking great questions. So the day of the wedding comes, shows up on time Green flags all over. I’m like, this day’s gonna be great. This dj, I’d never worked with him before. However. He’s been great so far, so I had no worries at all. once he was settled, I go over and I always like to go through one more time the timeline, because sometimes couples and their last week make a slight change that they may not have relayed to me like, oh, we’re actually gonna do the motherson dance before the father-daughter dance, and mm-hmm.

And so they may have told their DJ that, but maybe they didn’t tell me that. So. I go over to the DJ and I’m like, Hey, Mr. Dj, this is my timeline. I just wanna make sure that yours looks exactly the same and there hasn’t been any changes. He’s like, 100% we’re on the same page. I’m like, this is great.

I then go over all the key songs. So I’m going over the Processional music, the Recessional songs, and then their key songs for like first dance, mother, son, father, daughter, and we have everything to say. it’s matching up. He has it on his computer, we’re good to go. Ceremony happens, great.

Cocktail hour happens. Fabulous. And then it’s time for the reception. And my couple had chose to have the wedding party come out as a group and then they were gonna be announced and then move right into their first dance. Mm-hmm. So that transition, you know, not that it’s super quick, but it happens and then moves right into the first dance.

DJ checks in with them. We start the introduction process. Wedding party comes out, they get announced, and they move onto the dance floor for their first dance. So everybody’s like up cheering, looking at them, and they’re walking to the middle of the floor, like ready to transition, and the music fades out and then nothing goes on.

It’s just like dead silent. Oh no. And I’m like across the room. So if the DJ booth is directly across from me and the dance floor is in the center, so I’m like looking at the DJ and I’m like, Hey, or stance, wording it to him and he’s looking at me just staring at me like with his hands. I’m like, what?

And I was like, then first dance. first dance. We’re doing the first dance. and he sees me, so I didn’t wanna cut across straight across the dance floor. So I start like walking around the tables on the backside and I. He goes the opposite direction. Like so now? Yes. Yes. And it’s like now been like 20 seconds, 30 seconds of awkward silence and like people are laughing and the couple’s just kind of standing there instead of me just going over and being like, Hey, we’re doing the first dance.

Like we went over the order. You had this song.

“We’re Doing the First Dance… Right?”

Christa Innis: He walks out onto the dance floor directly to the couple, this is in front of all of their guests. And he goes, it’s first dance. Right? And they both were like, yeah. And then he’s like. What’s the song? And they say the song. I don’t remember what it was, but it was like a Michael Buble song.

Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: And then like goes back nonchalant like nothing happened and goes, okay, everybody we’re gonna move into the first dance and then puts the song on. And I was like that. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I’m like, you prepare, you prompt them, you make sure everything’s good. And then for the DJ then to like.

I don’t know what happened. He had like a blip in his brain and just, yeah, forgot what he was doing, but it was so cringe-worthy. And then later in the day when they’re doing the cake cutting, he did one of my least favorite things in the whole entire world when a DJ is like super talkative.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

On the

Cassie Horrell: microphone. And he started narrating the cake cutting. He was like, okay, everybody, they have the cake cutting set. Alright, they’re slicing the cake, now they’re pulling the cake out. Are they gonna slam the cake in each other’s faces? And like everyone was just like, this is terrible. so yeah, it was two cringeworthy moments from the same dj.

Immediately after that wedding, I put him on like the do not book list and I did send him an email being like, Hey, do you wanna talk about what happened? and he literally was just like, yeah, I just like forgot the timeline I don’t know. It was just so cringe-worthy and like, have it, I felt bad for the couple.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Didn’t he have it like right in front of him?

Cassie Horrell: He had it, I saw it on his piece of paper. He had a copy of my paper. We went over it and he still didn’t do it. And I’m like, I felt bad for the couple, just like they were kind of robbed of that. Blissful moment when you like walk in and everybody’s cheering and then you go right into your first dance.

It was interrupted by him shuffling out on the dance floor, asking them, I don’t know. It was so strange. I never worked with that DJ again.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And weird,

Cassie Horrell: you’re outta 10, you

Christa Innis: when you’re trying to like walk over by him, you’re trying to make it like smooth and he’s just like, yep, I’m gonna go the other way.

Cassie Horrell: I was baffled. it was just one of those moments that I’ll remember. For my whole life, like I’m so weary sometimes the DJs because of that one experience, even though I know there’s amazing professional DJs out there, but like every time I get this like sinking feeling like, gosh, I hope they know what they’re doing.

Christa Innis: Probably. ’cause Yeah, you never saw that coming. Like, everything looks no. Well that point. And so then all of a sudden you’re like, are they gonna surprise me with a random,

Cassie Horrell: right. Like, I could understand if there were red flags. Like he wasn’t communicating, he wasn’t answering emails, but like. Nothing.

It was just that moment and I’m like. That was so strange and also just kind of sad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m like,

Cassie Horrell: I wish I could rewind time, but I can’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. heard a story not that long ago and I can’t remember if it was the DJ or what, but they forgot to turn the music on while she was walking down the aisle and she said she was already very, like, uncomfortable with all eyes on her.

So imagine just like a silent room then. Wait.

Cassie Horrell: Do you? I could give you a second story on,

Christa Innis: yes.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah, so this story also deals with music not going on the aisle. I will never forget this. This was like pretty recent, not pretty recent, but like I. Within the last five years.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Everybody Clap for Me

Cassie Horrell: We had this happen where we just had, we call them ghosts.

Like sometimes in old buildings, like things happen and you’re just like, what? We had the song playing, like the team was playing the music. I was queuing the couple, I heard the song start. So I said to the bride, okay, go ahead and walk down the aisle. I walked around the backside so that I could like come in the other way to see the ceremony, and by the time I had walked around, the music had stopped.

I was like, where’s the music? So I go over to the dj, I was like, Hey, what’s going on? And he’s like, everything just went black. the system just went down. You couldn’t access, they had provided a Spotify list, you couldn’t access the page. Like what they had provided was just black. And the bride they had, luckily this was like a covid.

Celebration. So they’d been married for two years and they did already have like a wedding. So this was like a wedding with their family and friends. She literally was at the end of the aisle and she’s like, F it, everybody clap for me. And she walked on the aisle and everybody was like cheering for her.

But it was another one of those moments that you’re like, there was no stopping it, like the music was on and then the equipment just like.

Christa Innis: Went off, there’s nothing they could have done. Oh my, no.

Cassie Horrell: And luckily that bride specifically was just the most chill, fun, and like she was laughing and smiling, so it was okay.

But yeah, I would’ve freaked out. I think.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s funny, I was talking to someone how, like, I remember my makeup artist saying to me in the morning, my wedding. she’s like, you’re so relaxed for a bride. And I was kinda like, well, at this point, like everyone’s here, whatever happens, happens, you know, it’s no big deal.

Cassie Horrell: But thinking about. Music not starting while walking down the aisle, or like a big moment. I feel like I would be in my head, I think I would on the outside be fine. I wouldn’t do anything like crazy, but I would be like, oh my God. they do everything. Like, I don’t know, and there’s a lot of emotion tied to songs.

So like if you picked a special song. To play and then it’s not playing like that can tweak the way that you’re feeling in that moment. So I totally feel that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Or playing like a different version of a song. ’cause like we were trying to be so specific with different songs,

We did a rock version of a very like. Classic love song and we did the avenge sevenfold version for like when grandparents were walking down and it just to be like a little different and it was awesome. But I’m like, if it was the different version, like I feel like that would’ve completely like changed how it would’ve been.

but yeah, I, to be specific, oh my gosh. Cringey. Cringey. I know. Let’s go into some wedding hot takes. yes. So this is just getting your opinion on some hot takes people have that they submit to me.Is it okay to ask for money instead of gifts or does it come off as greedy? I.

Cassie Horrell: So I think there is a more tasteful way to ask for a monetary gift.

I think it is definitely tacky if you’re saying like, cash only, we only want cash. I have seen people do that. I have heard stories where you’re like, Ooh, and people are gonna gift kind of whatever they’d like. So. I think there’s a tasteful way to ask it if you are looking for monetary gifts. however, I do kind of agree it is a little greedy and a little tacky to be like forcing that because a gift for a wedding is not mandatory.

And then to like be demanding a certain type of gift, I also think is. It’s not my style, I wouldn’t recommend.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree. I feel like, I’ve been to some weddings and actually the ones that I think asked this were like over covid. So they weren’t doing showers or anything and so like instead of that, like they did an announcement and they were like, oh, just send cash if you wanna send a gift.

‘ cause they weren’t doing like any kind of in person thing. So I got that. But. for me, I’m never gonna bring a wrapped gift to a wedding. That’s just not me neither. It’s not my style. No. Even our own wedding, I think only a few people actually did that. But yeah, to me, I would never just be like, only gimme the cash.

Like, yeah. It feels

Cassie Horrell: weird. Well, and I feel like there’s just so many creative ways now, like. If there’s the honeymoon fund, or you could buy somebody an experience or you could build out those experiences for your honeymoon, which literally it does just send you cash, but it will be like, help us pay for a wine dinner.

Help us pay for this excursion. that is a more tasteful way than to just be like, if you wanna give us a gift, give us cash. Like, I get it. People nowadays live together, they already have a lot of the things that you would gift. Mm-hmm. you don’t have to force cash onto people and just let them gift what they feel comfortable with.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And if it doesn’t work out, you can return it and get the cash for it. Great. Put something else out. Don’t make a big Yeah. Stink about it. Yeah. I had some people like comment one time about, I was talking about the honeymoon, how it’s like you can gift for like a honeymoon, you know? Whatever that program is.

And, they were like, I’m not funding someone’s honeymoon. And I was like, well, if you’re giving a gift at a wedding, you don’t know how they’re gonna use that money. Right. Whether they use it from bed sheets or a drink at the bar, you’re not gonna know. So if you just wanna like, give a gift, you have to know that that’s their choice.

How they wanna spend it.

Cassie Horrell: Exactly. Yeah.

Christa Innis: okay. Should couples have to invite all their family members, even the ones they barely talk to?

Cassie Horrell: No. Straight up. No,

Christa Innis: we agree there. Yeah. I feel like that’s such an odd thing, but it happens all the time.

Cassie Horrell: a ton of people feel the pressure from like parents mainly.

I feel like to invite the second invite the third cousin, oh, I went to their daughter’s wedding. So we have to extend an invite and I feel like if it doesn’t fit in the budget or it’s not a priority for those people to be there, there’s no reason you should be inviting them.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Cassie Horrell: Specifically if you’ve never met them before. Like a lot of people are like, I don’t wanna introduce myself to someone for the very first time on my wedding day. Yeah. why would I waste my time doing that? Not that I don’t wanna meet those people, but I don’t know. The wedding day is about you and your partner and the love together.

So a lot of people want people they know and support them and know them as a couple to celebrate their day with them.

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I don’t get the, like I have to invite. My great aunt’s second cousin once removed and you’re like, what’s their name? And you’re like, I why? Yeah, just so they like get dressed up for a few hours and hang out with like someone they barely know.

I don’t know.

Cassie Horrell: Also, weddings are so expensive of like to add five to eight random people that even if they’re related. Onto the guest list could be like thousands of dollars.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: Like I don’t know if people think about that. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t think so. Not a fan. Well, I think too, like that generation, like weddings have changed so much since then.

Yes. I remember some people commenting saying like, oh yeah, we just got married in our parents or the church basement and like it was free and we had just had sheet cake. And that’s all well and good. And some people still do that and I think that’s great, but just realize that every wedding is different and their budgets are different and.

Timelines. All that stuff.

Cassie Horrell: Agreed.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Let’s jump into this week’s story submission. So as always, feel free to stop me or I’ll kind of make pause. We can just react to this story. Let’s see what happens. Okay. Me, 24 female and my fiance, 24 male, were set to get married in late summer.

We’ve been engaged for a couple of years in planning our wedding ever since. I’ve always dreamed of eloping in another country, and my parents generously offered to cover the elopement since it would be cheaper than a full wedding here in the us. All right. That’s

Cassie Horrell: nice.

Christa Innis: Very nice. Thank you. We made the decision to go that route and shared it with my fiance’s family.

We told them they could attend if they covered their own travel or we’d live stream the ceremony. His parents immediately pushed back. His mom refused to fly due to fear and not wanting to pay for a plane ticket. His dad didn’t wanna skip a vacation with his parents. Oh. Because spending money on our wedding would cut into his travel funds.

Cassie Horrell: Oh Lord.

Christa Innis: Okay. Well, here we learn about priorities. Like, yep, we got tired of the back and forth and went back to my family. They kindly agreed to help us fund a stateside wedding instead. So they’re Wow. Keeping their plans. And also

Cassie Horrell: these parents, this set of parents seem super friendly and supportive.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And they’re just like, whatever you want. Sure. Got that for you. oh, here we go. On the conviction that my fiance spoke to you soon, that my fiance’s parents would cover the honeymoon. Oh, that’s like unheard of to investigation where we would originally elope. See, that’s where I’m kinda like, oh, now you’re putting expectations on the other parents when, right.

I don’t think it’s a parent’s duty to pay for a honeymoon at all. No. So that’s kind of weird to me. it says his parents agreed.

Cassie Horrell: Wow.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. something tells me they’re not gonna actually agree.

Cassie Horrell: I was gonna say, it doesn’t seem right because they didn’t wanna pay to attend the ceremony, but they’ll pay for their honeymoon, which I’m like, it probably would equate to the same.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And then they’re not even going to the honeymoon, so they’re paying for a vacation for someone else. As opposed to if they paid for the elopement, they would be there with them.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah.

Christa Innis: So something’s not

Cassie Horrell: adding up. Something is not right.

Christa Innis: My family put down a deposit on the venue. A year later, I asked my fiance if the honeymoon had been booked.

He said, no. Again, maybe it’s, and you might agree with me, ’cause you’re a planner too. The planner type A me would never put that in the hands of someone else.

Cassie Horrell: I’m no looking at myself. Right. I would do the same thing. I’d be like, I’m booking the place, I’m picking the flights. I’m not leaving it up to someone else.

No,

Christa Innis: no. So many of these, I’m like, oh my gosh, you trusted that person for that long. Oh my gosh. I’d be like. Freaking out. he said no. A month later after that, he told me it was okay. Fast forward to this April, I found out that my fiance had paid for most of the honeymoon himself, at least 80% of it through monthly payments.

Cassie Horrell: Oh, he’s covering for his parents. That’s kind of like, I think it’s sweet on his part, but also like, what the heck with the parents that said they would pay for it.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s like this whole thing’s kinda weird to me because it’s like he felt, he couldn’t tell you that he was paying for it until April.

So I don’t know when this started. And then the parents lied about wanting to help cover it. But I also think it’s kind of interesting to have the parents pay the honeymoon. oh, that his parents were upset, they were expected to pay at all. Then why didn’t they communicate that?

Cassie Horrell: They could have just said, no, we’re not doing that, and then they would’ve eloped without them.

Christa Innis: Exactly. So they’re causing all these issues, like they’re changing their elopement to have a stateside wedding. And then they’re like, oh, well you pay for the honeymoon. Yeah, we will jk. We’re not going

Cassie Horrell: psych.

You Need to Keep Paying and Keep Lying to Her

Christa Innis: I pressed my fiance for the truth and he finally called his mom.

She told him word for word, we’re not doing this. You need to keep paying and keep lying to her about it. So they wanted it to look like they were paying for it.

Cassie Horrell: Oh, I do feel bad for the groom in this situation. ’cause I’m like, he’s probably trying to salvage the relationship between his partner and his parents.

But his parents just, they could have just communicated that they were uncomfortable paying and then it would’ve been fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

don’t know. I’m like so confused by this too. ’cause I feel like, and we don’t know like their relationship or the relationship between the parents, but like. I’m thinking about my own parents and my own in-laws.

if my parents had to do this, they would never be like, well, only if their parent, his parents do this. Like, they would never say that either.

Cassie Horrell: No.

Christa Innis: I feel like there’s a weird communication between all parties involved here.

Cassie Horrell: Yes.

Christa Innis: But yeah, I really feel for the fiance, ’cause you can tell he’s kind of put in the middle of the mom being like, just pay for it and lie to her about it.

Like, what

Cassie Horrell: don’t, that’s ludicrous.

“This Isn’t About Us Anymore”

Christa Innis: She says, I was devastated. I told him we should cancel the local wedding and just elope like we originally planned because this clearly wasn’t about us anymore. He told his parents and they freaked out, not because we were canceling, but because my parents would still be there paying their own way, mind you, and they wouldn’t be included now.

Cassie Horrell: Oh, so this was about like a money comparison with the other set of parents?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It’s like. if they just agreed to the original elopement plan and just paid their way to go, it’d be way less than paying for any of this, and they’d be a part of it. I feel like this facade, whatever the group’s parents have, they used the stateside wedding as an excuse to look like they were participating, but in actuality, they were just kinda like.

Get away Scotch free.

Christa Innis: Yes. And have the sun cover for them to make them look. Mm-hmm. they were paying for it. That is crazy. And I wonder like if they were gonna help with anything else for the stateside wedding, if they’re just gonna be like, oh, the honeymoon, we’re just gonna take care of that and take care of it, quote unquote.

Yeah,

Cassie Horrell: but not really.

Christa Innis: But not really. So then they agreed to cover the wedding. Again, except not the food or the flights, just the hotel. Fine. We said let’s just get through it. About 40 days out, my parents reached out to my fiance, not about money, just logistics and decor to see what his family wanted to contribute to.

Oh, for the actual wedding. Okay. His parents hadn’t participated at all during the two years of planning. Why am I not surprised?

Cassie Horrell: Yeah. Surprise, surprise.

Christa Innis: They seem very like into just like not being a part of things. Even when we invited them to help pick out my dress or with the decor, did not want a part of it.

My fiance sent an upbeat message to his dad asking what they wanted to help with. His dad lost it. Said they weren’t contributing a thing and accused my family of starting a pissing contest.

Cassie Horrell: Oh Lord,

Christa Innis: here we go. They just don’t wanna look like they’re not doing enough. But now it’s a competition. they just would’ve gone with the original plan.

It never would’ve been like this. No. My fiance went to their house to talk in person because half of the remaining payments were due. The next day. While there, his mom screamed at him to get out never come back. He called me angry and heartbroken and said, maybe we should just cancel a wedding.

This is really sad.

Cassie Horrell: I know this is making me sad for the couple.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I just don’t get why the parents wouldn’t just be like, oh, we, don’t have the funds. Or we would just rather not Right. just leave it at that. Unless there’s something that we’re not just playing devil’s advocate, like unless there’s something we’re not hearing.

Like if there was a lot of pressure and they just felt like, are they kept, I feel the same

Cassie Horrell: thing. It would’ve been easier for them to just communicate clearly early on. Yeah. And then. The other parents and the couple to then plan accordingly then to say, yeah, we’re gonna participate, and then last minute be like, actually we’re not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And, and then getting mad and now it’s just awkward. I feel like they’re just making more of like a buffer between everybody. Yeah. it says my parents who had already spent money on the venue were so understanding They offered without being asked to pay for an elopement again, but if they already paid for the venue, so now they’re just going back and forth if they want a venue or elopement.

Cassie Horrell: Right.

You’re No Longer My Son

Christa Innis: Okay. My mom was incredibly kind to, my fiance apologized to him and told him they weren’t mad, just worried about us.

They said they’d support us however they could. My fiance tried to talk to his parents. They refused and said, this isn’t you. This is her. And you need to get over it. This was the last straw and he cut contact.

Cassie Horrell: Yikes.

Christa Innis: I feel like there’s a lot of like hurt on both sides and we’re not, there’s something missing.

Like Yeah, I mean I guess things can explode like out of this, but I don’t know. I feel like there’s some detail about the parents that are like his parents that were like. Why are they so angry?

Cassie Horrell: I feel like their behavior’s probably always been like this and maybe the groom’s used to it and the bride and the other parents are singing it for the first time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And so

Cassie Horrell: it’s like abrupt to us, but probably not if you actually know them.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s true. Yeah. ’cause I feel like it comes to especially like planning events or a big thing, like a wedding. Personalities come out. Right. And so like if her family is more like organized with planning or maybe they have a little more finances to be able to help with it, then they might just get very like insecure or feel bad and then it causes this other like, I dunno, deep rooted like anger or, you know, some other emotions to come up.

Yeah. a month has passed since we canceled the wedding. His mom still won’t admit to anything. We have a full recording of her telling him to lie to me. His dad admitted everything but said she’s sad about losing her son. This is so sad.

Cassie Horrell: She caused it though. Like Yeah, I just mean like it’s the mother of the group.

Christa Innis: It’s sad. It’s like a sad story. I feel like, that he is like losing his parents, you know? It’s like to go through that.

Cassie Horrell: I don’t know. Yeah. Especially when you’re wedding planning. there’s already a lot of emotions and it’s stressful. And then to have that happen on top is like the icing on the cake.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like she can’t just open her eyes up a bit to see like, okay, they caused this if they wanted to actually be there for her son and future wife, they can do that. Like, it’s just some communication. But I feel like some of that, I dunno, some personalities like. Once they feel like they’ve been wronged, they can’t see outside of it.

And then it’s just like, that’s it. I’m like,

Cassie Horrell: narcissist.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, seriously. And then I feel like the husband, you know, it’s like he, probably is in the middle now because he’s like, he’s so mad she doesn’t wanna talk to him. And then, he wants, still wants to talk to his son, but it’s like

That’s a big deal. the dad said, my fiance should just let it go, but this is a pattern. She does something pretends it never happens and expects everyone to go along with it. So there we go. Yeah. So this is probably, you said not the first time they’ve probably done this, their whole relationship, but the wedding was the icing on the cake for her.

I bet. Yep. My fiance finally said, enough is enough. The only time he is heard from her since was when she demanded to come and get a few boxes and threatened to drop off personal documents, including his birth certificate and social security card on our doorstep when we weren’t home.

Cassie Horrell: What, she’s going to the extremes here.

Christa Innis: He’s like, you’re no longer my son. I’m cutting contact completely. Like, what? But people are this crazy. That’s

Cassie Horrell: why like, this story happened to someone and I’m like, I just can’t imagine.

Christa Innis: and think of it down the line if someone’s like, oh, why don’t, isn’t your son talk to you?

It’s like, oh, he got married. It’s like, what? Yeah. It’s like a exciting and joyous time and you, couldn’t communicate something and so you decided to just be like bitter and cross your arms and be like, well, guess I don’t have a son anymore. Like,

Cassie Horrell: that’s wild.

Christa Innis: What? That is insane. She was gonna drop off his birth certificate.

Three days later, she was on vacation and then called him like nothing had happened. Hey, how’s it going

Cassie Horrell: d Lulu?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. How’s wedding planning? How can I help? Like what,

Cassie Horrell: Hmm. Something’s not right there.

Christa Innis: That would drive me insane. I some of these stories. I’m just like, how do people like. Have relationships with someone like that because you probably are constantly thinking you’re going crazy.

You’re like, wait, did I imagine that last, conversation with that person. Like, am I going crazy? says, it’s bizarre. It’s painful. We spent two years planning this wedding only to cancel it six weeks before the date. Six weeks, no, eight. Yikes. So that means they probably paid a majority.

Had all them. Oh yeah. Would they have all the invitations and stuff out by that point?

Cassie Horrell: Yeah, they would’ve sent invitations out. They would’ve had people RSVPing. usually the six week mark is like, RSVPs are due. So like imagine all the people that like were making arrangements to come to the wedding.

I don’t know how big it was gonna be, but like still,

Christa Innis: yeah, they probably

Cassie Horrell: had room blocks. They probably had all their vendors booked. Like, I don’t know. That’s devastating, To have to cancel when it, I understand canceling a wedding, if the two people decide we’re not getting married. Right.

But to cancel a wedding because someone is being overdramatic overbearing and like a narcissist. I think that’s devastating and that’s sad

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: That couple had to do that.

Christa Innis: Right. the last part ends with, we’ll be eloping in Italy. Yay. Parents are not invited. So feel like if anything, this is a lesson to those listening that just go with your gut of what you want for your wedding.

Because how much, yes, you probably hear it all the time and have to say to people all the time is like block out all the extra noise. Because I feel like so many times when brides and grooms like everyone else wants, they regret their wedding more because they don’t do what actually is like meaningful to them.

They Finally Kicked Her Out of the Car

Cassie Horrell: I always like to explain it to my couples. like you’re driving a car and you have a destination where you want to go, and when you start letting every other person give their opinions, it’s like you jump into the passenger seat and someone else is driving and they’re doing their own thing. So you might end up like on the opposite side of the country because of what other people want.

So I do think you, you do have to be selfish a little bit when you’re wedding planning because

Christa Innis: it is

Cassie Horrell: your day. You need to like keep your priorities in mind and go with your gut feeling of like what you want in reason, of course,

Christa Innis: right. But

Cassie Horrell: making sure other people don’t sway you so drastically. Like they went from an elopement to a stateside wedding to canceling then back to exactly what they planned,

Christa Innis: but

Cassie Horrell: had to.

Wait so long for that moment.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: Because of the mother of the group.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So many hurdles in the meantime. I love that analogy of driving because that’s so true. It’s like if you are constantly and people pull you different directions, you’re gonna make all these pit stops that you didn’t

Need to make in the case of this couple, they just drove all the way around the country.

Cassie Horrell: They got on a plane and flew around.

Christa Innis: Yes. They finally kicked her out of the car. cause it sounds like from the beginning they knew what they wanted to do. So if you are a couple that wants to elope, elope, if you’re a couple that wants a small wedding, have a small wedding.

If you want a big wedding, have a big wedding, just block out the noise and just you and your partner are the main people that matter.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah, and I do think it’s really important, like weddings are, they do include family. There is a lot of family dynamics in play and I think if you are taking into consideration, especially heavy consideration parents wants, then like that conversation needs to happen.

Very early on. Yeah. So that everybody’s on the same page and everybody is aware and this, it kind of seemed like they made a decision with one set of the parents. They informed the other set of the parents and like that’s where it kind of went awry.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Cassie Horrell: so maybe if they would’ve had the conversation super early, not that I think it’s okay with the mother of the groom did, but if both sets of parents were in the original conversation, they probably could have saved themselves some drama.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like there’s some people too, like this mom seems like she might’ve just been the victim no matter what. But yeah, I agree. I feel like there’s some people where you have to like tiptoe in and be like, Hey, make ’em feel like it was their idea or something.

And then other people, it’s like they have to know first. Like, I read one story that was like. Because the bride told her parents first, and I think the bride’s mom was talking to the groom’s mom. She got so offended that they already planned this whole wedding without her. And they’re like, no, they just booked the venue.

That’s it. So like some people feel like something’s been taken from them and it’s like, oh my gosh. Like so a whole wedding to plan.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah. Pump the brakes. Everybody can be included. Yes.

Christa Innis: We’ll be okay. It’s fine. Oh my gosh. The number of times I hear of like, just like the drama at weddings, just like tearing families apart.

Cassie Horrell: But I always like to remind people too, and you might have your own perspective on this, but I feel like if a wedding is what pulled people apart, there was already something like either something stewing or. Some red flags were already kind of showing. I agree.

I feel like if it comes to a head because of the wedding, then there’s some sort of underlying situation that you’ve probably dealt with before

Christa Innis: and it

Cassie Horrell: just was brushed under the rug. It’s just the wedding brings the biggest emotions in so many people, and I don’t know why, but it is sometimes make or break for some relationships.

Christa Innis: And

Cassie Horrell: you just have to like move forward and realize like you’re seeing their true colors for a reason and for the good or the bad.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Cassie Horrell: Sometimes like it brings people closer. Sometimes it’s the opposite and people are like, I don’t wanna be friends with them anymore. I don’t wanna talk to them again. you see the extreme on both sides during the wedding planning process.

Not always, but sometimes.

Christa Innis: But sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Don’t be fearful of your listening and you’re like, oh no. Like if there’s already some kind of red flags or people that can’t support, I don’t know how to word it. People that can’t allow others to shine or like can’t like allow

Cassie Horrell: the, they can’t silently support, like they have to have some sort of opinion.

Christa Innis: Yeah, those are the people. It’s hard

Cassie Horrell: for them.

Christa Innis: They’re gonna fault her during that time. Yes. That’s what you hear. Like when the bridesmaid does something or says something in her speech or cause that’s the friend that’s been secretly like little, maybe a little jealous or just can’t have the spotlight on somebody else.

Cassie Horrell: but, and also one uppers, those are the other people that like, have

Christa Innis: a

Cassie Horrell: very difficult time during the wedding planning process because it becomes like a comparing game. Like, oh, my daughter got married or. They got engaged. Oh, you have to get engaged. And it becomes like a competition where I’m like, why does it have to be a competition?

Like you guys could both get married, you could do it at your own pace, you could have different types of weddings. but you do see that a lot as well.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Life is so much better when you’re not comparing yourself to every person for every little thing. ’cause you’ll never win in a conversation with everybody around you.

You’ll just never win. Like, ‘ cause someone’s always gonna have, the better this, the better that. And it’s like. You just have to stick true to you, and that’s when you’ll be happiest.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah. And I mean that is like, I think it’s a blessing and a curse, social media for weddings. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Because

Cassie Horrell: I mean, on TikTok, you’re seeing so much, you’re seeing these beautiful weddings.

Same thing with Pinterest. You know, you see all these things. You’re like, I have to have a wedding like that. When in actuality the weddings that are like highlighted and shown are 300,000 plus dollar weddings. And I’m like, that’s not an average wedding. So just like in general life, it’s the same thing with weddings.

People just like, they want what they see and they just crave that. And then at the end of the day, like their wedding doesn’t look like that or they can’t include A, B, or C and it causes issues. Yeah. Just do what you want within your budget and I think people will have fun.

Christa Innis: Yeah, and I think one thing too with like planning weddings is like.

If you’re more excited about sharing your wedding photos on social media than the actual day, then that’s a sign that we’re doing things for maybe the wrong reason. I don’t know. Maybe that’s a hot take.

Cassie Horrell: You are right. And there is people that do that. Like they spend their all their money so they can have these Instagramable moments or they can create the TikTok.

But I’m like, on my wedding day, all I remember is like having. So much fun with my husband and like our friends and being on the dance floor. Like I don’t ever remember once being like, oh, I have to make sure that like I get this to post. Like, I don’t know. I feel like if that’s how your day is, then like,

Christa Innis: yeah.

I saw, this is years ago, someone I know from like a long time ago. On her wedding day, she posted one picture of herself and said, can’t wait to see my friends.

Cassie Horrell: Oh Lord.

Christa Innis: And I was like, what about your partner? Bad sign. And they got divorced, like,

Cassie Horrell: there we go. Exactly.

Christa Innis: I’m not saying that to judge, but I’m just like, think about like how you view your wedding day and it’s like, what are you most excited for?

Like, yes, of course you wanna see your friends and celebrate. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but aren’t you excited for like. Marrying your person and having your first dance and it was just like, if you’re just more excited about showing off and like posting it to social media and getting the likes, then that’s not exactly the.

I dunno.

Cassie Horrell: Not the vibes.

Christa Innis: Not the vibes. okay. Let’s go into the next segment, which is weekly confessions. These are confessions that people send me on Instagram and we’ll just react to ’em. We don’t get as much detail here, so we kinda have to read between the lines a little bit.

Weekly Confessions

Okay. This first one says, my mother-in-law treats my son differently because he’s an IVF baby. What? What? That’s one terrible two. Like what? His

Cassie Horrell: own mom, you said it said mother-in-law, right? Yeah. My mother-in-law,

Christa Innis: my mother-in-law treats my son differently. Oh,

Cassie Horrell: her a grandson. I thought it was like her husband.

Oh, was not understanding that at first,

Christa Innis: like her treats her son differently.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah, she treats her grandson differently. Her

Christa Innis: grandson, because he’s IVF.

Cassie Horrell: I’m sorry. People are crazy.

Christa Innis: no matter like how you have that baby, it’s your baby. And they should love that baby. Just the same.

Cassie Horrell: Yeah. Even if it was like a foster baby or an adoption baby, like they’re your baby.

They’re part of your family. Like everybody should be the same. Same with step kids. I cannot stand when people treat other children differently. They’re children.

Christa Innis: Yes. I just don’t get that. I’ve heard of this happening before. someone I just talked to said like, I think it was like an in-law I’ll keep it very anonymous, but her in-law,

has a grandson, but it’s a step grandson. So the way they treat that son as opposed to the other one is so different and it’s like, but you’re still grandma to that. Yeah. Need to still be grandma. Like It’s just I don’t get that.

Cassie Horrell: I did a story on one of those and I was like baffled at the things I was reading.

’cause I’m like, they’re just kids. They’re just babies. they’re your family. You gotta love on ’em and that’s it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. They did nothing. Like if you have. Angst towards, you know, a parent or an ex or something. It’s like the kid did nothing to deserve that.

Cassie Horrell: No.

Christa Innis: okay. Next one is, we hired security to keep certain uninvited people away from our wedding.

Have you Okay. Get a lot of weddings.

Cassie Horrell: So where I work, we have security. They don’t do like security, what you would imagine, they’re not like checking a guest list. Yes, I have seen security at a wedding. Not all my weddings have actual security like that, but I think if you have a situation where you are no contact or there is a relationship where you think someone might arise and it’s going to cause issues

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Cassie Horrell: Then save yourself the stress of thinking of them arriving and get security. it’s not as common as people think, but it does happen.

Christa Innis: Wow. That’s so interesting. Yeah. I’ve, had a lot of stories submitted to me where I shouldn’t say a lot. Like you said, probably like 10%, 5%.

Yeah. like really a small percentage. but where they’re like, we had to call security or we had to have security on standby because so and so might show up. I think most of the time there’s just there as precaution. I’m sure they don’t have to do anything, but occasionally. I’m sure there’s something.

Cassie Horrell: We had one where we had like pictures. We all had pictures of what the person looked like. A they didn’t show up, but we were prepared. Oh. If they were to show up like we were gonna call the cops. So,

Christa Innis: whoa. You’re like on guard just waiting. Yeah, we were

Cassie Horrell: ready.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. this last one says, me and the hubby almost eloped because of not wanting to be on display.

’cause we are shy.

Cassie Horrell: Fair enough. I think for some people, like if you don’t wanna be the center of attention, then a wedding day, like a standard American celebration might not be the right fit for you. And I feel like in that case, an elopement makes complete sense.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That can be very daunting of like all the eyes on you.

If music doesn’t play, that could be very, very double the

Cassie Horrell: stress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But it sounds like they didn’t got married so. Hey, good for you. Do what makes sense for you. Hopefully it wasn’t through bullying of other people. Well, thank you so much for coming back on. That was so fun chatting and hanging out again.

for anyone listening, can you tell ’em again where they can find you and then anything exciting that you’re working on?

Cassie Horrell: you can find me at Wedding Pro Cast on all socials, so TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. YouTube, I’m working on a really cool YouTube series, which is Wedding Whisper. There’s been like short clips of it on my TikTok and Instagram.

but those will be like longer episodes of me interviewing real wedding vendors, particularly in the Pittsburgh area. Just getting like hot takes and their best tips and tricks about. Kind of their category of vendor category at a wedding. So that’s a big project I’ve been working on. I’m on a couple of podcasts coming up, which are all kind of wedding based, which will be fun.

and I was just on the Tamron Hall Show, which was a really cool experience. So you can see that. I think it’s on Disney Plus or Hulu now, but it Oh,

Christa Innis: awesome. Was

Cassie Horrell: released early April. So yeah. And then my books will be coming out and you can kind of find me online every day.

Christa Innis: Yay. Awesome. Well, sounds good.

Well, thank you again for coming on. That was a lot of fun.

Cassie Horrell: Thank you for having me.

by Christa Innis

Uninvited Guests, Screaming Cousins & a Boozy Wedding Party with Janelle Riddell

What happens when a cousin wears white, ignores boundaries, and starts throwing punches? This episode dives into the chaos of a vineyard wedding gone completely off the rails.

Christa Innis sits down with guest Janelle Riddell—creator of relatable in-law content and skits—to unpack a jaw-dropping real wedding story involving fistfights, a crying bride, and a cousin who just wouldn’t quit.

Together, they reflect on boundary-setting, judgment from the internet, and how to survive family drama on the most important day of your life. This one’s part comedy, part cautionary tale—and totally unmissable.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

00:57 Janelle’s Social Media Journey

01:58 Content Creation and Audience Reactions

02:46 Navigating Family Dynamics

13:34 Wedding Stories and Hot Takes

23:00 Unplugged Ceremonies: To Ban or Not to Ban?

25:30 Reacting to a Crazy Wedding Story

25:59 Starting YouTube and Podcasting

27:01 Wedding Coordinator’s Nightmare Begins

27:39 Chloe’s Drunken Antics

28:55 Pre-Ceremony Chaos

31:33 Ceremony and Reception Meltdown

34:56 Post-Wedding Reflections

47:39 Weekly Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Viral Cousin Named Chloe – A guest shows up wearing white and impersonates the bridal party, leading to chaos no one could’ve predicted.
The Drama of Setting Boundaries – Christa and Janelle discuss how brides get labeled as bridezillas for simply having standards.
Skits That Start Conversations – Janelle shares why she uses storytelling and skits to reflect the complex dynamics of family relationships.
Fact-Checking Wedding Stories? – A hilarious discussion on social media critics and why no one’s got time to play journalist on DMs.
Fistfight at the Reception – A real wedding brawl breaks out, complete with alcohol, family yelling, and a screaming bride.
Intention vs. Impact in Wedding Etiquette – When wearing white or skipping a gift becomes a symptom of something deeper.
Grace vs. Guilt in Family Expectations – Why navigating in-laws and milestone events requires more than just saying “no.”
Confessions & Hot Takes – From uninvited guests to baby shower tantrums, Christa and Janelle react to listener submissions.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If she has a boundary, she’s a bridezilla. But if she doesn’t, she’s just naive. You can’t win.” – Christa Innis
“It’s not always about the white dress—it’s about what it represents in that moment.” – Christa Innis
“I’m not here to fact-check your trauma. I’m just here to tell your story.” – Christa Innis
“People say ‘just say no,’ but when it’s your in-laws, it’s never that simple.” – Christa Innis
“Sometimes a missing seat turns into a full-blown vendetta.” – Christa Innis
“Yes, relationships are a two-way street… but who broke the road?” – Janelle Riddell
“I’m not a journalist—I’m a storyteller. There’s a difference.” – Janelle Riddell
“Some daughters-in-law are just trying to live, not plot against their in-laws at church.” – Janelle Riddell
“Wearing white wasn’t the problem—it was the years of tension behind it.” – Janelle Riddell
“People don’t realize what ‘no’ actually looks like in families like these.” – Janelle Riddell

About Janelle

Janelle Riddell is a writer and storyteller who shares real-life wedding chaos and family drama. She spends time collecting stories about in-law tension, etiquette fails, and tough relationship moments. In this episode, she talks about her own experiences and why setting boundaries matters—even when it’s hard. Janelle brings honesty, humor, and insight that every bride (and anyone close to one) will relate to.

Follow Janelle Riddell

- TikTok
- Instagram

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Janelle. Thank you so much for coming on. Hi. Thank you for having me. I’m so glad we got to do this. Yes. for anyone that doesn’t know you or doesn’t see your content, can you just tell ’em a little bit about yourself and what you do on social media, and then we’ll kind of get into it?

Janelle Riddell: Sure. so my name’s Janelle.

My account is. @heyjanellemarie, I’m sure you’ll tag it in the show notes or wherever you do that, but, yeah, so I’m a mom of two, a wife, a full-time working mom, and I also make content primarily for people who have a challenging relationship with their mother-in-law, with their in-laws in general. I’ve been doing it for about two years now.

It’s evolved over time. It started as just like primarily just. Like a lot of relatable mother-in-law type content. whereas now I have a lot of mothers-in-law who follow me, who are learning to see if future mother-in-laws are following me. And I, so anyway, I have a lot of fun with it.

I do skits, I do vlog style content, and I’ve just built a really great community of. Women who are kind of going through the same thing. And the key is though, that we’re hoping not to repeat that cycle. We’re hoping to break the monster in-law, stereotype, for our kids.

The Complexity of Boundaries

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. I feel like that ties in a lot to some of the content I put out because while I do have a mother-in-law.

Stories I share. it’s all over the place. Sister-in-laws, brother-in-law, whatever, what have you. All around weddings. Right? But I think it’s really important what you say about learning from it and like these kinds of skits and content. Not always like pointing the finger.

Sometimes it’s like a reflection too, because I have moms who comment and say, thank you so much for sharing this, because now I see that I’m like overstepping my son’s boundaries or my child’s boundaries. And so I think important to be like, not just be the victim in some of these,

Because I also have other people that are like, you’re only targeting mother-in-laws. Yeah. What do you have against ’em? Yeah. And I’m like, I love my mother-in-law. I actually get along with her really well. I just get some crazy stories sent to me that I’m like, this is insane. Let’s talk about it. do you get that same kind of thing where people kind of come for you from different angles

Janelle Riddell: like.

Surprisingly, not very often. from different angles. Yes. I get surprisingly few hate messages in my dms. I get a ton of crazy comments to the point where like, Facebook, I don’t even read my Facebook comments as a dumpster fire over there. But, I get a ton of, I mean, we’re social media creators, right?

So a lot of my stories. my skits, I was finding the skits. It’s the crazy stories that perform. but it also sometimes isn’t. Sometimes it is the more nuanced examples and when you’re able to portray something that I. Like when you were, if you were to tell the story of, oh, I don’t get along with my mother-in-law for whatever reason, it’s like, seems kind of minor.

But when you see how those interactions play out in a skit, that’s where I feel like has really helped build my community in the true sense of the word is because those are the stories that people see that they’re like, yes, this, this is what I, you know, and so, but it’s still, it’s a balance as a social media creator.

So people, sometimes people accuse me of. Oh, you built a whole page to complain about your mother-in-law and like truthfully, I don’t even talk about my own mother-in-law and my own stories. It’s mostly follower submissions, but it’s also more so like themes. That’s why I’ve started integrating more lifestyle and vlog style content, almost just like a metaphor to show like.

Daughters-in-law that don’t get along with their mother-in-law, like they’re literally just pe, they’re just moms and women living their life. they’re not sitting at home scheming and plotting to see how they can, like, they didn’t intend on ruining their mother-in-law’s life despite what she’s told you at the grocery store, at the church group.

Like they’re literally just existing and the reasons why the relationship has fallen apart. is often a function of both parties, but not in the way that you would expect. that’s a key note that people love. I don’t know if they’ve like, commented that on your videos too necessarily, but always, if it’s ever relationship focused and the story or the skit or whatever really portrays one person as the protagonist and one person is the antagonist you always get.

Relationships are a two-way street And my catchphrase response to that is, yes, but like, who broke the road? Like two people can’t travel down a two-way street if it’s broken. And that’s where I am trying to bring awareness and visibility.

But also, yeah, like also it’s cathartic for people who have gone through it to watch my content and be like, yes. That’s exactly how I feel. But yeah, the broken road doesn’t always come from stories that are portrayed in, say, your skits or some of my skits. The broken road also comes from. More minor things that just build up over time too, so.

Christa Innis: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And I think that feeling of like wanting to be seen that you’re like not crazy. Like someone can like, relate to you. and that’s the thing too, is like when I get those, I shouldn’t even say like hate comments. They’re not really hate comments, but like there’s some people that will comment and be like, this is just terrible that you would portray a person this way when you don’t understand the full story.

And I’m like. I’m just, someone sent me this story, so I’m only able to portray what this person sent me in their own words, and I’m gonna do my best to like get it out there if I can. So yes, if a bride sent me a story, then I’m gonna do it from the bride’s perspective. Sometimes, sometimes I’ll do it from another perspective, but if a mother-in-law wants to send me her story, I’ll absolutely share it, you know, so like, because most of the stories that are sent to me are from brides.

I’m gonna, you have their version and. Someone was like, do you ever fact check these? I’m like, what am I supposed to do? Call each person up and like interview them. I’m like, no, I don’t fact check.

Janelle Riddell: No, I’m not CNN. Like, what was the comment Once someone gave me and I replied with like, I’m not a journalist.

Like I don’t have any sort of like legal obligation

Christa Innis: Yeah. To

Janelle Riddell: right, like. No, and that doesn’t mean that I wanna like,catastrophize or like perpetuate negative stereotypes that aren’t true. Like I don’t wanna be part of the problem. Right. But also like, sorry, people aren’t in my dms.

Like the stories that I’m portraying and I know, I know it’s the same for you. The stories that I’m portraying are truly the tip of the iceberg. when it comes to data, like you could plot the trends. If we were to plot the number of stories I’ve been sent where someone feels. Based on their details, like they’re justified and feeling the way that they do about their wedding or the birth of their baby is another big one.

Like the data, right? It’s not mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Like, yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, no, for sure. I think that’s a really great point. And I think too, it’s like people need to see these conversations and I think, like we said earlier, it helps people on both sides kind of see like, okay, here’s where a boundary needs to be set, or here’s where I need to like.

Limit contact or here’s where, okay, there was miscommunication, let’s work this out. Or whatever that looks like. I think it’s good to have these examples and of course, yeah, it’s part entertainment. I mean, so many people follow for entertainment. Like I know the reason I started doing like content like this is because like I loved seeing content like this.

I love the conversations seeing how things play out, and I think it helps us kind of see ourselves in conversations and be like, oh, how would I react? Or, oh, that’s really crazy. I’ve never seen something like that before. That’s how we roll.

Janelle Riddell: Totally. Like the skit I shared yesterday was a follower submission.

for those who don’t follow my content, the gist of the skit is a follower of mine sent to me. They traveled to her in-law’s house for Easter recently. They brought their. Three, four, like a newborn baby. Not fresh, fresh, but like really newborn baby and 2-year-old to their in-laws house.

They had specifically said when the baby was born, we don’t want anything shared on Facebook. They get to their in-laws house and there’s newspaper clippings of the in-laws had put in a birth announcement in the local paper. No. And, to make matters worse, hadn’t remarked the daughter-in-law’s existence.

Just proud parent and their son’s name. No. Stop the story. It was literally like 10:00 PM like two days ago I guess. ’cause I got it and I was like, it now. Need to it. I’m cackling in bed to my husband reading this. So bad, but the layers to it, which I led with. ’cause she’s like, we’ve went to my in-laws for Easter because she was a whole big, that beginning piece is the part where people start to comment because I talked about and portrayed some of the details she had shared about her husband saying to his mom, like, okay, like.

When she asked how the drive was, like, I mean we traveled five hours with a five month with a four month old, whatever. The old, the baby was a newborn and a 2-year-old. Like it was rough. But you said We had to come for Easter and the mother-in-law feels like, well, of course, like grandparents.

Like if they kids should come to us. Yeah. And so already you get comments on the video of, when you’re talking about like the back, oh, you need to share the backstory. You need to whatever. Like, people don’t understand that the, I think what is helpful to see played out is ideas. Like someone saying, well, no, that’s their fault for going, you just should say no to going.

And it’s people who aren’t in these situations don’t realize what. No. Looks like, and that’s gonna be my follow up skit portraying the, no, I’ll show you what this looks like. What this looks like is the mother-in-law saying, Like you guys should come to us for Easter and the son, in a lot of cases, it’s two ways.

It’s either the son’s saying, we gotta go to my mom’s for Easter, otherwise she’s gonna be mad at me. And That’s more of a marriage issue than a mother-in-law issue, quite honestly. Right. Or it’s the husband saying, I don’t wanna go five hours with the kids. Like that’s crazy. And the daughter-in-law is saying, no, then your mom’s gonna be mad.

Your mom’s gonna say, it’s my fault. We have to go. Whatever. And then maybe the mother-in-law throws in some comments like, well, you guys moved away because of her job, or You guys moved away. It’s not my fault that you moved away, so you should come to me. And there’s other so many like guilt and layers and all these things.

it’s not as simple as like say no, it should be for sure. Right? It should be. But then that when it is as simple as say no. then there’s an impasse. That’s that two-way street I referenced. Mm-hmm. Right? Like quite literally in this case, who’s, it’s gotta be a two-way street.

or maybe it isn’t depending on the phase of life that people are in, and maybe that’s okay. but anyway, that beginning of that story is the more like. What actually goes into setting a boundary saying, no, we’re not gonna travel five hours with the baby. Like,

Christa Innis: yeah. I find it interesting.

The Importance of Saying No

So many times when I share skits, people comment like, oh, I would’ve said no right away. it’s like, it’s so much easier. And I even, you know, myself, like, you can look from the outside and like, I’m so great at telling other people how to set boundaries and say no and like. But in your own life, it’s so much more difficult, so much more nuanced because it’s like you have a different relationship with each person and you have other people involved and you know, a history, and you’re always like, am I gonna be the bad person?

You know, and there’s all these different things as opposed to just like saying no. And I think we should ideally all get there. Like if someone’s treating us poorly, but we can’t always see it. Sometimes it’s a disguise, sometimes it’s like talked to nicely first and then it’s, you know.

Totally.

Janelle Riddell: I actually feel like it’s the people who are saying, oh, just say no. I often think that maybe they’re coming from a place. Of like, they’ve had really fortunate relationships with family in their life because I could see, had I not lived what I’ve lived now with my in-laws, I would potentially feel that way because if there’s something I don’t wanna do that my mom asked me, I just say, no, mom, I don’t wanna do that.

And she doesn’t think that my husband forced me to say no. She doesn’t think that it’s unfair that, oh well you said yes to so and so the other day, so why are you saying no to me today? No. I literally say, no, I don’t wanna do that. And then if. whatever the situation is, it doesn’t happen very often.

Again, this is like gets into the, what I try to dive into with my content, which is just the, like what goes into relationships, which is my mom knows me, we’ve built a relationship, so she generally doesn’t ask me things. That she knows I’m gonna say no to. Like she knows me and my husband is people, so it doesn’t get to a point where we really need to say no.

She reads the room or it’s not even, she reads the room. She’s built relationships with us. And that is fundamentally, I think often the root cause in a lot of these situations is they haven’t taken the time, energy, effort again, two-way street. I don’t know who’s gotta build the road.

We can split hairs on that, but, to cultivate and build a relationship with their daughter-in-law or their adult child. Quite honestly, sometimes comparatively to how the daughter-in-law’s, parents have built a relationship with her, so they’re asking for things that like. Why are you asking for something that you know is gonna put them in a position that they’re not comfortable with and different people are comfortable with different things.

That’s another huge source of comments. Like, good for you, that’s what you’re comfortable with. Not everyone’s comfortable with that. And that doesn’t mean they’re entitled or wrong, or. Yeah, sometimes it does, but not always, you know? Yes. people are people. We gotta meet people where they’re at, but people don’t wanna meet you where, where you’re at if you’ve been habitually a jerk to them.

Exactly.

Christa Innis: No, that’s such a good point about like, if you haven’t had to really deal with those difficult things harder saying no just comes off as easy. Yeah, because like I’ve never had, like, they’re not thinking that way. But yeah. If they haven’t had a deal with that, it’s like, well, it’s black and white.

They do that then totally. No. But yeah, if you tend with the teeter-totter of relationships and you’re like, uh, I don’t know. Is this one of those where I say no, or how do I back down from this? Yeah, totally.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. Completely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Okay. Let’s get into, ’cause I feel like we could talk about this stuff forever and we could, we could, we could.

I love it. I feel like, ’cause we have probably have like an overlap of followers of like how people like the content and stuff. But let’s get into, ’cause some crazy stories and wedding hot takes. Do you have, when we talk about weddings, does anything come to mind for like a kind of crazy story or something that you either seen at weddings or had at your own wedding?

when it comes to interesting. Opinions, I guess.

The Wedding Seat Saga

Janelle Riddell: Yeah, I mean, reflecting on it, like relative to some of the stuff that you’ve shared? No, like relative to the story of yours that sticks out for me. Is that girlfriend of the groomsman who like brought her kid and like, no, I don’t.

That one always. I’m like, that is insane. anyway, yeah, no, I don’t have anything that crazy what did happen at my wedding. And so although it does involve my mother-in-law, I’m not, to this day, I’m not necessarily blaming her. And I only found out about it after the fact because my sister-in-law told me what happened after the fact.

But we had, okay, so some of it I guess I am blaming, but, We invited my husband’s cousin per the request of certain people who generally doesn’t come to stuff. He doesn’t come to family gatherings very often. I think I’ve seen him like in the 10 years my husband and I have been together maybe two times.

We invited him. He, our VPs Yes. Doesn’t show up to the wedding. I, again, it’s my wedding day. I had no idea that he didn’t show up, but in the meantime, my mother-in-law had invited her best friend from childhood or something, which again, like. my parents invited friends too, like, okay. and didn’t RSVP with a guest, RSVP’d for herself.

Brought a guest, brought her sister, I think it was, oh

Christa Innis: my gosh,

Janelle Riddell: sister. So the guest guest brought a sister. The guest brought an on, RSVP. Guest. and the cousin, R-S-V-P-D-S No. Showed. So you do the math, there’s seats for everybody. Right. But they weren’t planned seats. So I guess what happened is

my mother-in-law’s friend’s, sister didn’t have a seat at the friend’s table or whatever, but there was an extra seat, like I guess some put their heads together and found a chair friend, the friend’s sister. So that’s great and that’s good. But apparently my mother-in-law was deeply offended and obviously it was a, personal, I had done that intentionally, was personal, and then spent my entire wedding reception.

Complaining about me, complaining about where their seat was and their wedding and how she didn’t have a seat, and how rude that was, and how none of my parents’ friends didn’t have seats. And um, because they probably all are CPD the right way I guess. I don’t know. so you could say, oh, maybe you missed it, maybe whatever.

Like understand, I’ve a project manager, been a project manager for 10 years at this point, like a spreadsheet. And me, we are friends. So maybe I missed it, but. I’m saying it would be unlikely to me either way. it didn’t ruin my day. I had no idea. But after the fact, it still sucks to hear that, like, that was like

Christa Innis: the thing that, the

Janelle Riddell: conversation that was going on.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because I feel like something like that, you can’t win. They’re gonna look for one thing to hold onto and be like, oh, she did this on purpose. But it’s like, how are you supposed to know that? Someone’s friend is gonna bring a friend. Which one? You shouldn’t be doing that at a wedding anyways.

Like, don’t just bring random people.

Janelle Riddell: I just assume maybe she RSVP’d. Incorrectly or something. And so then I, maybe people would say, oh, why didn’t you follow up? And it’s like, sorry, I’m planning at that specific point. Like I didn’t follow up with anyone else about their rsvp, someone RSVP’d.

I had lots of people who I gave a plus one to and didn’t bring APL cable alone. I didn’t confirm with them, Hey, you RSVP just for one. Are you sure? It’s, it’s just you. Like, no. And so we would’ve given her a guest like she’s, Was coming by her herself. Like I think there was a few friends of ours that were single at the time and were coming with lots of other friends that we knew.

Mm-hmm. we didn’t give maybe everyone in our friend group in RSVP if it was like very clearly. but I don’t even think there was that many people we had to do, which I know is a controversial, like to do that at all. But her, like my mother-in-law’s friend, we would’ve absolutely given her an RSVP. so maybe she just filled out the RSVP card incorrectly.

I don’t know. It was a website. We had a wedding website, so maybe she just filled out the website wrong. But anyway, yeah.

Christa Innis: thing is too, like if for some reason, like if I went to a wedding and like there wasn’t a spot for my husband, so someone that clearly would’ve been invited or something, right?

I didn’t bring this one extra and there wasn’t a seat for him, I wouldn’t automatically be like the bride did this on purpose. You know? Like, that would never be my first, I’d be like, especially as a planner myself, like I’m a type A kind of person, I’d be like, oh, there was a misstep mistake or maybe mis.

Yeah, there’s so many people involved. There’s so many moving parts. maybe we’re at the wrong table, so there’s just that different mindset of like blaming people and I’m like, things happen. It’s fine. Like. Whatever.

Janelle Riddell: Totally. I do think, though, I do think this story is a perfect example of that kind of deeper level relationship building that I talk about because yes, my mom, mom and daughter, people are gonna have a hard time equating mother-in-law and future daughter-in-law with mom and daughter.

But trust me, for my followers, there’s tons of people who are very close with their mother-in-law and were close with their mother-in-law throughout the planning process of their wedding. Or their husband is very close with his mom and they liaise and talk and discuss on a regular basis. Neither of those two things are true in my case.

And so where I’m going with this is if either my husband or I had a like friendly chitchatting about regular stuff on a regular basis, mutual exchange of information, not like the mom who calls her son to talk Adam for two hours every. Once a month and thinks that that, oh, I’m so close with my son.

No, like have a real relationship. It probably would’ve got caught. It would’ve because there would’ve been a casual conversation, oh, my friend so-and-so is bringing so and so, and I would’ve been like, what? She didn’t RSVP with someone. Oh, let’s take a look at it. Oh, let’s, we would’ve caught it. Right.

Whereas like my mom, I knew who all of her friends were bringing and, or like whatever was going on there. I think one of her friends husbands couldn’t come because something had come up, so then I just went in and changed whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like. And those kinds of things get caught when you’re having regular conversation with people.

A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I totally agree with that. again, I think it’s just people wanna find a blame if they’re looking for one, there’s gonna be well and

Janelle Riddell: complain about. Totally. And I think it’s personality type too. Like there’s certain people that are like, their first instinct in a situation like that is to like.

be embarrassed. like, think that it’s about them or think that it’s, and so in, in a way, I could see how a person could feel like that. Like in this setting where you feel like, okay, well this is my friend and my nephew, so I am like. Hosting them but you’re not. But like I could see how you could feel that way.

So then you feel embarrassed ’cause the friend that you’ve brought, her sister doesn’t have a, like, I can see how you would feel embarrassed about that. And a lot of people are, would be keen to just like deflect that embarrassment in the form of blame. Which I think is a natural human response, but unfortunately, whether it’s a natural human response or not, the impact of that natural human response is people feeling like, I don’t know if that was reasonable to like completely blame the bride or, you know.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: I think we were saying this before recording, is if the bride, because stereotypically the bride plans majority of the wedding or she’s, yeah. It’s her vision. Right. Even if like, my husband and I were pretty like. Equal with what we like planned and like, I mean, I’m more the planner type, a kind of person, but like he was involved in every kind of thing.

Mm-hmm. But I think in general, people are like, oh, it’s the bride. And so if something goes wrong, it’s the bride’s fault. If something happens, it’s the bride’s fault. If she has a boundary, she’s a bridezilla. And so I think it’s just always like put on the bride for things like you don’t ever hear, like, I mean, maybe every once in a while you hear groomzilla, but very rarely.

it’s more of like a funny thing. But, I think it’s just like the, when women have boundaries or women say, no, there tend to be the problem. And it’s like, yeah. Yeah. it’s a common theme. I’ve noticed,

Janelle Riddell: I think another thing I’ve observed and a trend and a theme, if I’m looking at my content and then the comments that come of it is.

Women are accused in relationship context, like these ones where emotions are high, it’s a round a milestone event. Women are accused of not giving enough grace but then when there’s situations where someone gave grace or benefit the doubt, or maybe it’s not benefited the doubt, maybe someone just assumed that another person was gonna employ common sense.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And

Janelle Riddell: they don’t. And there’s a reaction to it or a boundary because of it, or a negative experience because of it, that then I’m portraying in my skit. It’s like, well, why didn’t you just stop that thing from happening? It’s like, Sorry that I assumed you understood that when we say don’t post on Facebook, that doesn’t mean find another way to announce the birth of our baby without our permission.

and so anyway. Mm-hmm. That’s like, I find also a, takeaway I have is, yeah, women are accused they’re having boundaries in their bridezilla, they were asking like they didn’t do enough when they. Just like try to let things go as they’re like, the cards fall where they may and someone doesn’t have any common sense and they talk about it after the fact and it’s like, well, why didn’t you, put a boundary in place to prevent yourself from having, yeah.

X Why is that negative experience happened? It’s like, sorry, too much or not enough. There’s like, sorry, I didn’t know that, you didn’t realize talking negatively about the bride throughout her entire wedding was not. Inappropriate thing to do and was maybe gonna fake, make her feel negatively when she found out about it.

Like I didn’t know that. You didn’t know that, right? Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, yes. Okay. Let’s do a couple hot takes and then we’ll get into the main story that we’ll react to. Okay. So I’m gonna read a hot take so people send hot takes to me and social media and then we will react to it. So they said, should guests be banned from taking photos during the ceremony?

Janelle Riddell: I mean, we had a, what did we call it?

Christa Innis: you know, the weird wedding phrasing more than I do. Yeah. It was, is a thing that people said,

like a, basically like, put your phones

Janelle Riddell: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Keep your, and like,

Janelle Riddell: apparently the way my friend Dave, who officiated our wedding, read it, it was a little bit like.

Don do

Christa Innis: it.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. And to the point where people are like, but yeah, if you don’t say that again. Common sense. This is a common sense thing. If you don’t say it then you end up with the person in the aisle with their iPad. Or

Christa Innis: iPad. It’s always the

Janelle Riddell: iPad, right? Or in front of the photographers or blocking things.

Or you have people with phones in the background of your photos. So. I don’t necessarily think you need to do no phones at a wedding ceremony. I think it’s really tough to tell a mixed group of people with mixed ages with mixed understanding of technology etiquette. It’s easier to say no phones than to say, in that moment, for those 15, 20 minutes of your life, an hour, if you’re really religious, whatever, like.

I think you mitigate the risk with no phones.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think like do what you want as a couple and if you don’t see a sign, then sure, take whatever, but just be aware of your surroundings. And if they have a sign and they make an announcement, you better put that phone away on airplane mode or whatever.

Because I’ve been to so many weddings where they announce it and there’s a sign and I’m that person where I notice. And so like I’ve seen people hold up their iPads, their phones, and I’m like. I’ve been a bridesmaid and I notice people and I’m like, they made an announcement. Please put your phone away.

They’re gonna have nicer photos later.

Janelle Riddell: my, officiant didn’t have to, he is like an outgoing, very like, professional and like. Tactful and respectful guy, but like, he’s not scared or nothing. Like he was ready to like fully embarrass people. He was gonna like stop the wedding and say, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. You checking an important text over there. Yeah.

Janelle Riddell: Work calling. Oh, I don’t care if people pull out their phone and wanna Instagram, scroll my whole wedding don’t care. It’s, well, if they’re in the front two rows, I would care. But the front two rows are like my immediate family. No, it’s the people with their phones, like in front of the photographers.

Like Yeah. To me that’s the risk you’re trying to avoid is getting in the photographer shots.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s that person with the iPhone that thinks like their picture is gonna be better than any photographer. I’ve seen them like get in front of them. I’m like. It’s not gonna be that good. your thumb is in front of the, the lens.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay, let’s get into the story ’cause I know, I don’t wanna take too much of your time. Okay. So this week’s story, I’ve not read it yet, so I’m gonna read it and then I will, I’ll pause here and there, or feel free to stop me at any point to react and we’ll just, we’ll react together.

Janelle Riddell: So sorry.

Before, who preps these for you? Like if you’re reading them blind, like do you have, like someone vets them first and sends them to you? Yeah, so actually my husband does. Oh, Uhhuh. Okay. Love this camera. So there,

Christa Innis: there’s times where he’s like, this is a crazy story. And like he’ll just be like, yeah,

So I started, when I was doing YouTube videos, I would just like copy it, paste, and just start reading. And then sometimes I’d read ’em, I’d be like. Oh, okay. And then like that was my YouTube video though. Yeah. And so now I’m like, okay, for these podcasts, let’s get some really good ones. So I’m like, I don’t wanna read ’em.

You do the digging and, ’cause we just get tons of submission. So yeah, that’s what we do. Okay. It says. I was working as a wedding and event coordinator at a vineyard at the time. when we hosted weddings, the tasting room stayed open from 10:00 AM to 7:00 PM and then the wedding party had the vineyard to themselves for the rest of the night.

Rentals were 10 hours long, and this particular wedding had a 1:00 PM to 11:00 PM rental. The bridesmaids and groomsmen started showing up around 11:30 AM in the tasting room. They bought a couple of bottles of wine. Then a few more. We started to realize they were getting noticeably intoxicated. So I decided to cut them off help them make it through the entire wedding.

It sounds like a little before the wedding if they, she wanted to cut them off.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. Yeah.

The Drama Unfolds Before the Wedding Begins

Christa Innis: Okay. There was one girl in particular, let’s call her Chloe, Who showed up a bit later than everyone else. She was wearing the same color as the bridesmaid dresses a white shawl.

Chloe was already clearly drunk when she arrived. Stumbling as she walked in, the bridesmaid started freaking out. Apparently Chloe was not a part of the bridal party and had specifically been told not to wear those colors. Oh my gosh. Anna White shawl. So she’s got like the bridal shawl on, what? Is she like an ex or something?

Oh my gosh. Okay. The bridesmaids start yelling at her right there in the middle of the tasting room. I quickly stepped in and told them to knock it off. They stopped and then Chloe went up to the counter and tried to buy a bottle of wine. So I’m wondering if she’s like there as a guest, like what is happening?

when my staff member told her no, she started screaming. I told her she needed to step outside and take a breather, or she would be asked to leave and wouldn’t be allowed to attend the wedding. I feel this is all happening before the wedding’s even. Sorry. They’re like popping bottles. Like this is insane.

the bridal party went off to its start decorating. They’re gonna have all these bottles of wine now. They’re gonna decorat. Right. I’m just picturing like a mess. Okay. And Chloe disappeared. I had a bad feeling, so I started walking around to try to find her. I spotted her in the garden with her boyfriend chugging a bottle of wine.

He had bought her. I made her hand it over and told her she could get it back after the wedding, but that she was not allowed to drink anything else on the property. She screamed at me. If it had been up to me, I would’ve kicked her out right then and there. But the vineyard owners were very particular and had already told me not to remove anyone unless absolutely necessary.

Chloe ended up sitting on the deck crying. Oh my gosh. I walked away and went to find the bridal party. I found them sitting at the picnic bench with bottles of beer and shooters, which we do not serve. They were all stumbling and obviously drunk, and it was only 3:00 PM Oh my gosh. It’s insane. The ceremony was supposed to start in an hour.

I took away all their outside alcohol and warned them they were risking our liquor license. I hid the contraband behind the venues bar and tried to find someone sober. I could talk to the bride and groom had put themselves as the emergency contacts, but the venue owners told me not to reach out to them and to find someone else.

Eventually I found the maid of honors dad who was helping decorate. He apologized and he didn’t know what to do and explained that he was from out of town and didn’t know anyone except his daughter who was also drunk. Everyone is just hammered at this wedding. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. I cannot, I would be so stressed, but I guess everyone’s just too drunk to care.

I don’t know. Yeah, I guess so. I briefed the bartender who were on duty for the reception and asked them not to serve anyone who was clearly intoxicated. Then I heard yelling outside. I rushed out and saw Chloe and another guest in a full blown screaming match. The other guest was yelling at her for wearing a white shawl to someone else’s wedding.

Here we go. I watched the guests rip the shawl off of Chloe, Chloe lost it. I ran over and told them both that if this continued, they would have to leave. I can’t believe you’re getting so many chances. Ugh, they eventually calmed down and went to find their seats. We are now 15 minutes from the ceremony.

The bridesmaids were waiting inside, still obviously drunk. Finally, the bride arrived and we were ready to begin. As the maid of honor started walking down the aisle. She tripped and started crying. The other bridesmaids helped her up and stood beside her. The rest of the ceremony went smoothly while aside from the drunken swaying.

Yeah,

Janelle Riddell: I bet. Bet they were just like teetering over.

The Reception Meltdown

Christa Innis: They’re all, yeah, they’re all swaying, like holding onto each other. Oh my God. Okay, so that was the ceremony part. This is says the reception meltdown. Fast forward to the reception. I stepped out briefly to turn on the exterior lights since it was getting dark.

When I came back, I saw the bride running out of the barn sobbing and yelling that no one cared about her and everyone was making the day about themselves. Right then my bartender ran up to me yelling that there was a fist fight happening, and to call the police. I immediately got on the phone.

This is like a movie scene. I’m like, what? It’s crazy. right when I feel like I’m like, no. These weddings are not shocking to me. I’ve,heard it all. I’m like a fist fight at the wedding. Here we go. Okay. While I was on the call, Chloe came up to me screaming in my face, calling me horrible names. So she just works at the venue and she’s getting all these people screaming at her in one day and this is insane.

And mocking my, she must be like,

Janelle Riddell: yeah, the coordinator, like the

Christa Innis: Yeah. The manager of the wedding or something.

Janelle Riddell: Onsite planner or something. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. I would be like, this is my last day.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. This is above my pay grade.

Christa Innis: Yeah. she came up to me screaming in my face, calling me horrible names and mocking my appearance.

Oh my gosh. Her mother came quickly and grabbed her and they left before the police arrived. So this Chloe girl was there as a guest, I’m guessing. And why would she? Okay. And her mom was there, so she had to be. Family or something? Close friends. Close friends, yeah. Yeah. My bartender, who happened to be friends with the bride, asked if I could go inside so she could talk to her privately while I was there.

Trying to fill out an incident report. A guest came over said he could explain what happened. Apparently, while everyone was getting up to go to the buffet, the bride’s ants, started yelling at each other. No one knows why. One of the aunts was Chloe’s mom. Okay, so Chloe’s a cousin. Chloe’s a cousin.

Here we go. Chloe ran over to defend her and a bridesmaid tried to stop her gently touching her shoulder and saying, please don’t do this. It’s not about you. Today, Chloe did not like that. She turned around and smacked the bridesmaid to the ground. Then she got on top of her and started hitting her in the face.

So this Chloe girl’s just a problem all around. And it, it sounds like they all kind of knew it if she showed up and they were all like telling her to get out. Like, don’t wear that color.

Janelle Riddell: That’s crazy.

Chloe’s Chaos and the Backstory

Christa Innis: I feel like there might be some backstory. I mean, maybe it’ll still come out, but I feel like she was maybe mad that she’s not a bridesmaid, then found out what the color was and I don’t know.

Mm. That sounds plausible. that’s my vibe I’m getting,

The maid of honor’s dad pulled Chloe off and told her to leave. That’s when the bride ran outside and Chloe turned her rage on me. After I got the full story. The other bartender told me he could handle things if I wanted to go check on the bride.

I brought her tissues and reassured her that Chloe and her mom were gone and that she deserves to enjoy the rest of the night. She pulled herself together and thankfully the rest of the wedding went beautifully. My gosh, I’d be traumatized after that. later I called the venue’s owner. to update them and they yelled at me for not removing Chloe earlier, even though I asked them multiple times throughout the day.

If I could imagine then being like, it’s your class classic. Yeah. Oh my God, that is insane. Oh, and of course this was the day the security cameras weren’t working. The bridesmaid who had been attacked asked if we could provide footage for a possible lawsuit. I felt terrible for not being able to help.

Janelle Riddell: Honestly, it was the most chaotic, insane wedding I’ve ever experienced, I’ve seen a lot. Hope you enjoyed the story. Let me know if you have questions that isn’t, that’s crazy, First, I feel like the first part of that story is a perfect example of what you just said, of if a bride has a boundary, she’s a bridezilla. I had a three drink maximum for the guys getting ready. I didn’t get married till four in the afternoon. actually, I didn’t know a three drink maximum for the groomsmen.

I had a three drink maximum for my husband, but like. anyone heard that, they’d be like, oh, you’re so controlling. He’s so whipped. You’re such a bridezilla. It’s like, no, because you don’t know. Emotions run high on a wedding. Like, yeah, as long as you have in your head. I’ve promised her I’m only gonna have, of course, there’s gonna be situations where people break that promise, but like if you don’t discuss it and just assume people know not to get hammered, all of a sudden they’re feeling it, they’re having fun, whatever.

Maybe drinks are free, like whatever’s happening, and then all of a sudden you have swaying. Fist fighting bridesmaids. Yeah. Like and groomsmen.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s the thing too, it’s like groomsmen show up like at noon and they literally just like hang out and like poke tuxes on bridesmaids. Were like up early.

We’re like getting like food together. We’re like decorating. I feel like it’s just such different vibes. Like it’s like that viral thing where it’s like the groomsmen just hanging out and the bridesmaids are like going crazy, you know? And I feel like. if they’re with their like best friends, you know, it’s so easy just to like socially drink with them and not react.

Yeah. But yeah, bottle of wine is insane. I was just telling someone, I’m like, we had like champagne and stuff like the morning of my wedding and I feel like I. I remember thinking like, oh, I’ll have a couple, maybe like two glasses of wine. I don’t even think I finished one because I was just so busy. Just like busy.

Yeah. Just don’t think about it. but yeah, that’s stuff you have to think about. Like if you are walking down an aisle, if you are a part of a wedding, if you’re making a speech, speech, watch yourself. I’ve seen plenty where the bus man was too drunk to give his speech. Oh yeah, me

Janelle Riddell: too.

And it’s like, me too.

Christa Innis: Embarrassing.

Janelle Riddell: Like someone has to read it. Yeah. No, I haven’t seen that, but I’ve seen it where like their grandma filter comes off, so it’s just like, it’s a mixed crowd and it’s like FBO Central and it’s like, oh no. So embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. My other reaction to this is, this isn’t Chloe’s first time doing this kind of stuff.

That Chloe was a known liability, and that’s, again, references. What I talk about in a lot of my content is like, you got a risk manage as a bride, as a groom, as a person. If someone is a risk, a known liability. You gotta have a hard conversation with them beforehand and mitigate that risk.

And if that means they’re pissed off and upset with you, then sounds like there was a lot of risks that got unmitigated here. Yeah, but it was a multifaceted risk. That’s trifle.

Christa Innis: That’s why I’m feeling like there’s some kind of backstory. ’cause if they’re cousins, there’s gotta be some kind of like we don’t have the age difference.

Like if she’s like a lot younger. No. Or if they were close at one time. Because the fact that she showed up in the color and the bridesmaids immediately were like, we don’t like her. Something had to have happened at a previous event.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah, because honestly, even the wearing white to a wedding, like I wouldn’t do it.

But I also feel like. If someone does do it. Like who cares? Like I would never go up and pull

Christa Innis: someone’s Shaw off. Oh no. I know one like, ’cause I do like confessions too that people send me.one confession was my grandmother told me she wanted to wear white to my wedding or something, or showed up to my wedding in white and I was like.

Janelle Riddell: I would never say anything. If my grandma wanted to wear white to my wedding, I would not have, I would’ve been like, I’m so happy you’re here. But I’m also not the person that would care if someone showed up white. totally, I think someone wearing white maliciously to a wedding

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Janelle Riddell: In either hopes to piss off the bride, hopes to draw attention to themselves because they like whatever it is, the white is the tip of that iceberg. And that’s the case with Chloe. Right.

Christa Innis: A hundred

Janelle Riddell: percent. Like and you can look at that specific scenario, parallels in so many other relationship dynamics.

Mm-hmm. Right. Like it’s not the front thing, it’s the like the way back. Yes. was someone wearing white like. you should never wear white to a wedding for sure. But I’m saying like an elderly person who’s like, doesn’t know, or a girl who like, doesn’t have enough people in her life or like whatever, and wears like a white floral dress to a wedding or something and literally it’s just there as like a friend’s date.

Like she’s just wearing a white floral sundress, lots of color on it, but a white base to a wedding. Which I personally wouldn’t do, but not everyone has a big sister. Not everyone knows. Right. You know what I mean? I think there’s a lot of like, visible wedding, no-nos, like wearing white to a wedding, which is again, woman and a female experience.

Mm-hmm. But there’s a lot of like less visible wedding no-nos that just like go unnoticed or undetected that in my opinion are just like, just as rude or like, just as, but again, that like depends on where you’re from or like. People are gonna call me tacky or whatever, where I come from, it’s very common that people don’t get, bring gifts to a wedding.

They bring just money. Yeah. we call it presentation here, yeah. So when you’re inviting someone to a wedding, you’re inviting them as a guest. So no, you’re not expecting that they’re gonna give anything as a wedding guest. But it’s also like, again, it’s 2025, like, you know, that weddings are expensive and all these sorts of things like.

I personally, would never go to someone’s wedding and give them no gift. Right. And not like have a conversation with them and say, I’m really appreciative for the invitation. I cannot afford to give you a gift right now. and they’re gonna say, oh my gosh, like, don’t worry about it, whatever. That luckily hasn’t been a scenario I’m in.

I’m just saying that’s, I kind of put wearing white to wedding along those same sort of like.

Christa Innis: Do you see

Janelle Riddell: what I’m saying? Like along that same, yeah. And different people have different thresholds. A lot of people are gonna say, who cares if she wears white to a wedding? And I would tend to, maybe a good thumb, depending on what her intentions are, just the same as a lot of people are saying that so entitled, no one has to give you a gift on your wedding day.

And I’m saying like, agree with you. I’m saying I personally would feel embarrassed to go to someone’s wedding and get them no gift. Yes. Regardless of what type of gift giving you do in your work. Culture or Yeah. Location,

Christa Innis: you know? Oh, totally. And I think you made a good point about if things are done maliciously or if that’s like the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Because like so many people will see these stories and they’re like, oh, it’s not that bad. Or like, an wants to like pay for a part of the wedding or something, but then she makes a change last minute and they’re like, well, she was paying for it. And it’s like,

But you didn’t look at what she said before that, or that there was already this like animosity between them and then she did it. So there’s obviously, it wasn’t just like, oops, I accidentally picked pink when you wanted blue. Or there’s these little things where when they do it maliciously or on purpose to wear white, to make you feel intimidated or make you feel bad, that’s different than someone accidentally doing it.

Janelle Riddell: Or same as the same colors as the bridesmaids, right? Like that to me is also like if, you know, the bridesmaids are wearing eggplant purple or whatever. And then you wear eggplant purple. Like as a person who maybe thought they should have been a bridesmaid and weren’t like the groom’s sister who isn’t close with the bride at all, wasn’t asked to be it or whatever.

And she intentionally wears the same color as the bridesmaids. That’s maliciously wearing the same colors as the pride space. Yeah. And a lot of people are just right, whereas like. Someone who’s like the girlfriend of a friend from work has no way to like even find out. A lot of women will still ask like, Hey, could you ask your friend like what the colors are?

So I don’t wear the same colors. Some people don’t ask that, and that’s fine. I don’t think they need to. And so they accidentally show up in like the same, I don’t know, like times are tight right now. Like it’s, I’ve definitely worn. A dress I’ve worn is a bridesmaid to someone’s wedding.

Yeah. As a guest. at another wedding. Like,

Christa Innis: but that should be the goal, right? Of like being able to wear your bridesmaid dresses, which I always say I want to be able to, and then I’m like never been able to rewear them, but I have accidentally worn the same color as bridesmaids, but it wasn’t.

Maliciously. I didn’t know they were gonna wear that color and it was a style dress completely. But yeah, that’s definitely happened. I think it’s all about intent and you don’t always know someone’s intent, but I think a lot of times you have a good idea if it’s done that way.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah, I mean a lot of it is just like in this particular story too, when everything that went wrong,

I think it’s so interesting because this story is coming, like, it sounds like the bride was distressed and upset. Like, no one cares about me. Like she was crying. if there wasn’t that note included, like, yeah, that wedding sounds like an absolute cluster, you know? Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: What I was saying was some people like don’t care. It sounds like the bride cared in this case, but as an onlooker, what they think is like, this is so crazy to a lot of people, like in their friend group, like, that’s just a Friday. You know, like it’s a bunch of drunk

bridesmaid sc groomsmen.

It’s fine. We’ll figure it out.

Janelle Riddell: Well, I mean, and no judgment, like whatever floats your boat, I guess. But, Yeah. Except that she was pulled into the drama that was upset at the bride. Yeah, totally. Totally. I think that, again, it’s like access to alcohol. Like a lot of people. I’ve been to a lot of weddings where it’s not necessarily a dry wedding, like it’s they’re serving alcohol, but because there’s so fearful that there’s gonna be like, maybe not necessarily a scene like this, but like.

A scene they really like limit the availability of alcohol or they, whatever the case is. And so often those end up being the weddings that either one person has, what alcohol they brought in from the outside or whatever, and takes it way too far and you end up with that drunk person anyway, or it’s just like a dud of a wedding.

Like no one’s dancing, no one’s like, So it’s a balancing act for sure. Yeah. Like you don’t, you gotta, that’s where you, again, you gotta know the people you’re inviting and know like What their vibes are. Like if you have a group of people that like open bar, ’cause again, where I come from in Canada, in the province, I live in open bars like typical for weddings.

Mm-hmm. Most weddings are open bar and so that I find actually like creates. Like there isn’t a weird scarcity mindset about the booze. Yeah. So it, like, it’s just a better vibe because no one’s drinking in excess. ’cause they’re not worried about the bar’s gonna be shut down or the bar’s this like, it’s just Yeah, normal.

Christa Innis: That’s a good point. Um, maybe that’s just the weddings I’ve gone to, but, yeah, I would say most I’ve been to, to our open bar, but there’s definitely been some like that. Switch over to cash bar that I’ve been to, or they start as cash bar and then it’s like open bar, or there’s some that are just kind of like uncertain where you’re like.

Is it gonna clo like it closes during dinner or something? I’ve seen that, but um,

Janelle Riddell: yeah, it’s

Christa Innis: pretty common I think at like venues, but yeah, I know alcohol’s like a tricky thing because it’s like some people have that relative or that person that they know they want there, but they can’t control themselves around alcohol.

And it’s like, do you wanna babysit all night? And as the bride and groom, you don’t want that. Responsibility. So you would hope, at least for the most part, that they would like keep the drama away. But it sounds, it sucks that this bride was brought into the drunken drama with cousins and aunts and God knows what else.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah, I’ve had a lot of followers message me, like different scenarios where exactly that they’ve been faced with that scenario. There’s someone, usually it’s like on the in-law side, right? That’s why it’s being sent to me. Whoever it is that they can’t trust them around alcohol, and so they make the decision to not invite them, and then after having a conversation with them or whatever the case is, and, that person influences a whole bunch of people to not come to the wedding or whatever it is, you know what I mean?

And so. it can be so tricky. I am really lucky that I’m speaking from a place of, I didn’t have anyone coming to my wedding that I was worried was gonna drink to excess and like make like, be really embarrassing or like get in fights or like, no, none of that. So that was really, good.

But I know there’s so many people who are in that situation, and that’s the same thing. That’s the same thing that people would say everything we were talking about. Like, oh, well just tell them not to do that thing. Or just say, you know, you’re not gonna drive five hours. Like it isn’t that simple. Like people would want their uncle there, people would want their mom there or whatever, but they know that she’s has a bad relationship with alcohol and especially on an emotionally fueled day or.

So tricky for people.

Christa Innis: well that was a crazy story. I would say that’s crazy. Probably the most violent one I’ve ever read. Oh. Um, I think I’ve maybe read one other with a fist fight. But this was like, this was pretty, pretty intense.

okay. Well to end the episode, I always like to read a couple of weekly confessions that people send me. Okay. I know we’re little over on time, so, um, we’ll go through these. Okay. First one says, I wasn’t made of honor by title, but I did everything they would do instead. Okay. That doesn’t really seem like a crazy confession.

No. Yeah, that, I mean, that sucks when that happens. ’cause you know, especially if you’re like a people pleaser you like, I did all this, but like, yeah. Not the maid of honor. Yeah. I’ve definitely been a part of a lot of weddings where I’m not the maid of honor, but I did the Maid of Honor work because I was just like, I’m that person.

Like what do you need help with? How can I help? Like, yeah,

Janelle Riddell: there.

Christa Innis: this one says, my mother-in-law threw a temper tantrum because my sister is throwing my baby shower. Yikes. I mean,

Janelle Riddell: yikes. I guess, I mean, again, like, it’s totally like situation dependent. I live in a world where like, my family is big, people’s families are big.

Like have two baby showers, then like. It doesn’t need to just be one baby shower, but I know that’s not common for everybody. Sometimes it’s like, there only is one baby shower, so

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don’t get throwing a tantrum about it. Just like, no, together, bring a cake. I don’t know. Figure it out.

Janelle Riddell: Bring a cake.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Sometimes it’s like hard because I’m just like, I don’t know how people deal with, I would just be like. You can throw one at your house and invite your friends to it. Yeah. let’s see. This one says I nearly ran out on my wedding day. Turns out I should have. Ooh, ooh, there’s a, that’s it.

That’s it. That’s all it says. That’s all it says. ’cause they’re just short Instagram confessions. So I’m wondering if either they’re still married and they’re like, Ooh, rocky, or they got a divorce. I’ve had a few like that,

Janelle Riddell: maybe he’s gay. Maybe.

Christa Innis: Yeah. if she ha she or he, I don’t wanna say who.

Well, or,

Janelle Riddell: the opposite right or

Christa Innis: right, but they, maybe she’s gay.

Janelle Riddell: Yeah. I don’t know. I sus, the more likely is he’s just a jerk or he’s a, like he cheated on her or like, if we’re playing the laws of averages here, she probably should have because he’s a jerk.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like if they have that feeling like before, like while they’re planning the wedding, like, I should probably cancel my wedding then it, I feel like most of the time then it comes true.

Not comes true, but like, yeah. They’re like, yeah, all those signs were pointing to, no, don’t do it. Oh my gosh.

Janelle Riddell: All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate you coming on and sharing your perspective and your hot takes and confessions.

Christa Innis: for anyone listening, where can they follow you, find your content, and, anything else exciting that you’re working on?

Janelle Riddell: Absolutely. thank you so much for having me. This was such a good discussion.

so they can find me on TikTok, Instagram or YouTube shorts, but I don’t post a ton on YouTube shorts right now. My username is at Hey, Janelle Marie. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Blog Transcript:

The One Year Anniversary Giveaway

Would You Rather — Weddings, Boundaries, and Hard Calls

When an Engagement Triggers Control, Not Celebration

‘Go Wait in the Attic’ — The Moment Everything Broke

Choosing Safety, Breaking Cycles, and Protecting Peace

Blog Transcript:

Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries

The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster

Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go

The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?

Blog Transcript:

“We’re Doing the First Dance… Right?”

Everybody Clap for Me

You Need to Keep Paying and Keep Lying to Her

“This Isn’t About Us Anymore”

You’re No Longer My Son

They Finally Kicked Her Out of the Car

Weekly Confessions

Blog Transcript:

The Complexity of Boundaries

The Importance of Saying No

The Wedding Seat Saga

The Drama Unfolds Before the Wedding Begins

The Reception Meltdown

Chloe’s Chaos and the Backstory

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