My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
What happens when wedding day expectations clash with reality?
From boundary-crossing vendors to guests who take things a little too far, this episode unpacks the chaos that unfolds when people forget who the day is really about.
Bailey Lavender joins me for a candid chat on green flags, red flags, and how to set boundaries without being labeled a “bridezilla.” We share laughs, lessons, and real talk about communication, kindness, and staying true to yourself, no matter what drama comes your way.
Because at the end of the day, the best weddings aren’t perfect, they’re honest, intentional, and unapologetically you.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:03 The Evolution of Skit Content
02:13 Bailey’s Background and Journey
04:24 Mental Health and Social Media
07:45 Wedding Stories and Advice
14:47 Hair Trends and Client Relationships
25:00 Red Flags and Green Flags: Wedding Edition
32:06 Effective Wedding Communication Tips
33:05 Handling Embarrassing Toasts
35:13 The Uninvited Seamstress
36:39 Navigating Vendor Boundaries
43:15 The Importance of Professionalism
57:07 Cherishing Wedding Memories
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Seamstress Saga – A wedding vendor takes “involvement” way too far, crossing professional boundaries and ruining key moments.
- When Vendors Forget Their Job – Christa and Bailey share why staying in your lane is crucial on someone else’s wedding day.
- The Bridesmaid Balancing Act – How to set limits and choose roles you can actually handle with love, not guilt.
- Boundaries ≠ Bridezilla – Why being firm about your expectations doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you wise.
- Kindness vs. People-Pleasing – Bailey opens up about learning when to say no to protect her peace (and her friendships).
- The Power of Professionalism – From photographers to coordinators, why doing your job well means knowing when to step back.
- The Cost of “Yes” Culture – How saying yes to everything can actually hurt the people you’re trying to help.
- Reclaiming the Moment – The bride’s plan to recreate her photos becomes a lesson in healing and taking back joy.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Being firm with your boundaries doesn’t make you a bridezilla—it makes you smart.” – Christa Innis
- “You can’t do it all, and saying yes to everything can actually hurt the people you’re trying to help.” – Christa Innis
- “Knowing your friends, and your limits, is key to surviving wedding season with your sanity intact.” – Christa Innis
- “It’s okay to decline being in a wedding if it’s not the right fit. Support can still look like showing up as a guest.” – Christa Innis
- “There’s a reason rules exist, because someone somewhere broke them first.” – Christa Innis
- “You have to show up wholeheartedly for what they’re asking of you, or you’re letting them down.” – Bailey Lavender
- “I can’t enjoy your day if I’m on the clock—so pick one: stylist or bridesmaid.” – Bailey Lavender
- “They forget it’s somebody’s important day and start thinking, ‘What can I get out of this?’” – Bailey Lavender
- “Not all kindness means saying yes, sometimes it means standing firm and protecting your peace.” – Bailey Lavender
- “Those Type A brides? They’ve got it right, they’re just making sure nothing ruins their day.” – Bailey Lavender
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Bailey:
Bailey Lavender is a vibrant hairstylist and digital creator known for her bold aesthetic and engaging online presence. She shares hair transformations, fashion finds, and lifestyle content across platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. With a passion for creative color work and community events like the San Antonio Hair Show, Bailey blends artistry with influence, inviting followers into her world of beauty, style, and self-expression.
Follow Bailey:
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi Bailey. Hi. Thank you so much for coming on. I’m so excited to talk to you.
Bailey Lavender: Thank you for inviting me. I really appreciate you being letting me on here.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I was just saying before we started, I was, it’s so fun to be able to do this podcast and connect with people. ’cause like I’ve watched your content for so long and I love like just seeing the different skit content out there and I just feel like it’s, it’s so entertaining and I feel like people actually like learn a lot and take away a lot from it.
Bailey Lavender: That was kind of my original plan was with the skits. It’s like unintentionally teaching my clients and new people. I need the, how I need them to act. And if they’re not my client, maybe someone else will learn from this as well. Um, and then it ended up being very relatable to a lot of people that weren’t even in the hair industry, like some restaurant workers or retail workers or whatever.
And I just, I’ve really enjoyed it. And so now I don’t have any horrible stories of my own anymore. ’cause I’ve already told all of them. So all of mine are sent in now from all like other people’s stories.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I know, it’s kind of funny how it evolves, like when you first start creating content and then you’re like, Ooh, people are really liking this, or this just popped up.
So I wanna share this. ’cause like I, I started just sharing like some wedding tips and stuff and then I was sharing like. Things I’ve seen at weddings are experienced. And then I just did a skit one day about like a wild, like it was like something I don’t even remember if I like saw it somewhere. And then people just love seeing the skit content ’cause it’s, it’s relatable and it’s also like helps I think with, like you said, like with conversations and how to act in certain scenarios or what’s okay.
And maybe what’s not. Okay. Well,
Bailey Lavender: I agree. I agree.
From Skits to Self-Awareness and Protecting Your Peace Online
Christa Innis: Yeah. So before I get too far into that, can you just tell everyone a little bit about who you are, what you do, and then maybe a little bit more about your content as well.
Bailey Lavender: So, hi, if you don’t know me, I’m Bailey Lavender. I’ve been a hairstylist since I was 18.
I just turned 31. Um, I am based out of Shelby, North Carolina, but I was for a very long time in Greenville, South Carolina. I started doing hair skits right around COVID time. Like, I feel like a lot of people hit the ground running with TikTok then. Mm-hmm. Um, and it was at first just for entertainment purposes.
I was a theater kid, and so I was just like, you know what? Let’s have fun with this. I never expected anything to come of it. And then over time I started catching a following. I started really enjoying myself. It was kind of therapeutic, so I was telling stories of that I had gone through. Mm-hmm. And it was like the, the responses that I wish I had given.
Right. Um, instead of just being so me and mild at the time. And so then it evolved to the, where I was. Uh, considered a skit girl, right? Where I was only posting skits, but it started getting overwhelming, um, because people didn’t know me for who I was. And so I started sharing pieces of me and who I am and what my life looks like.
And now I’m kind of a combo of many different things on my page, you’ll see me doing hair transformations on new clients, me working on old clients and showing you their evolution of hair to being a mom now, or just my day-to-day life, relatable stuff. And then once a week t or once a month, typically I’ll throw in a skit, um, like a series just because I really enjoy doing skits, but I don’t want it to be my entire identity.
Christa Innis: Yes, I love that. So what was that shift like for you and how was the response? Because I mean. I feel like there’s times where I feel like when you start talking about like the skit identity, I can, I kind of get that sometimes. And I feel like sometimes people think I, I work for them and it’s kind of stressful ’cause like I, I’m a mom as well and so it’s like balancing that and balancing my job and I’m just like, okay, I gotta do a skit.
And my husband’s like, hi, I’m here too. So how was that like for you to kind of like switch a little bit to showing a little more you and personality? Like how was, how do people accept that or perceive that at first.
Bailey Lavender: some people didn’t like it and it was one of those moments where I had to reflect back and figure out what made me happy.
Right? And I was in the, in the process of always looking for something negative someone would do around me, right? Mm-hmm. Either so a client and really hone in on that and do a skit about it. And it, it was me focusing on too much negativity in my life. And I’m a firm believer if you look for a negative, you’re gonna find it.
Um, same with happiness, right? Or joy. And so I had to shift that for my own mental health because I was constantly looking for the negative. And so changing that, a lot of people were unhappy, but I was like, listen, for my own mental health, I have to change this up a little bit. Um, and some people, like I said, they were in my comment section, like, jump monkey jump.
You better hurry up and make me a skit, otherwise I’m not gonna follow your stuff. And it was like, you know, listen, I’m a human and I have a job. I have a kid, I have, well, at the time I didn’t have a kid, but I have other things going on in my life. I wanna share who I am and I want you to get to know who I am outside of being a character on a screen for you.
And some people didn’t like it and they left and have never come back. Um, some people say, I’ve not seen your stuff in forever. I’ve missed your face. I’m so glad that you’re doing so well. It just, the ebb and flow of social media, you never really know what people are gonna react like.
Christa Innis: Yeah, but that’s such a healthy boundary that you set too, where you’re like, this is me and I need to protect my mental health.
Because it is so easy, I think, to get caught up in like the comments or what people say, and it kind of can take the joy out of it. If you feel like you’re then working for, instead of like one boss at a, at a corporate job, you’re working for hundreds and millions that are following you and then you’re like, okay, wait, but they said they like this.
They said they don’t like this. So I feel like that was really like so awesome of you to be like, wait, who am I? What’s important to me? If, if I lose people along the way, that’s okay. And I feel like ultimately you’re gonna have more people that are gonna be interested in you because you’re more true to yourself then.
Bailey Lavender: I, so I was doing skits, like I said, hardcore for a while. Um, and then I had a friend that I lost due to mental health reasons. And in that timeframe, I really started hitting the ground heavy of pushing mental health videos. Um, and the views weren’t even that great on it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to make sure that if I, it was helping a single person that was, that mattered to me.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: And that kind of was my stepping stone into creating something that wasn’t just drama filled or, um, didn’t have any mal, or, what’s the word? It didn’t have any like substance behind it. There’s this. Mm-hmm. And I really enjoyed making that, where it was like, I’m more than just a character. And that was like the stepping stone for me to see what else was out there within social media.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that. I feel like that’s really powerful. And I think it’s, it’s, it’s a good reminder too for people listening because like, like what I try to focus on too is like I try to show like how to have good boundaries, like in skits and stuff. And you made a an interesting point too about you started off by saying like, this is what things I wanted to say in certain scenarios, but maybe more like people pleaser.
’cause that’s me. Like, I’m more like, I’m afraid to say things, you know, in person. I don’t like conflict. So I feel like when I was getting these stories sent to me, I was like, I wanna show brides, like how they can like, you know, have, have a safe and like kind boundary and that’s that it’s okay. Um, but I think it’s good for them, for people listening to this too, to be like in other areas of your life, like, okay, let’s listen to my mental health and, and, um, stay true to myself for sure.
Finding Confidence in Community and Self-Expression
Bailey Lavender: And I’m sure you get some crazy stories because I have a few friends that they only work in the wedding industry and the wedding world is even crazier, I feel like, than the salon world.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So yeah, it’s kind, I get, it’s, when I first started this, I had just been like, I’ve been a bridesmaid like 10 times.
My, my audience is probably sick of me saying that, but I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve been on on a lot of weddings and then I was a bride myself and then I’ve helped Dave coordinating, right? And so I’ve saw, I saw some kind of crazy things or heard things, you know, that happen. Nothing, nowhere near to the extent of the stories that people send me.
And I just feel for these difficult relationships and like with in-laws or with cousins or whoever it is, siblings. And, um, so that’s why I feel like I’m trying to like, empower them in a different way, but. It’s hard. You get, you get lost in the shuffle with all, I mean, there’s so many stories that people tell, so it’s, it’s kind of chaotic.
So what, what kind of, like, I know you got, you’ve gone viral for skits and hair transformations. What’s one like video that you put out that you’re just like really proud of or like something that people really resonated with, whether it’s behind the scenes, your personal life or hair? Um.
Bailey Lavender: I have an array of different things that I have been proud of.
When I posted on social media, one of them was me being able to finally share my adoption of my son. Um, that resonated with a lot of different people. Um, it was one of those problems ’cause a lot of people had watched our journey of dating to getting married, to wanting to grow our family, wanting to carry first and then adopt because I am getting older and, you know, you start getting into where it turns into a geriatric pregnancy.
So then when, um, fertility just didn’t seem like it was gonna go our way, that’s when we were like, all right now to what we were gonna do next, which was adoption. And it fell into our hands. And that was a beautiful experience. Being able to share that with my followers because. So many of them were so encouraging, so kind.
And of course you get hate online. And I had the horrific messages from people, um, as well. But the good at what outweighed the bad and they were so kind, so uplifting. But I also had like career achievements where I went from a girl who was working a salon who the owner hated me and she genuinely made me want to leave the career altogether to now where I am able to share where I’m going on to stages and teaching at these huge hair shows.
And because of social media, I am able to, where I was terrified to post my own work behind the chair because it didn’t look like some of my friends who are these vivid artists.
Christa Innis: Mm.
Bailey Lavender: And now they’ve encouraged me to post my work because I do do good work. It’s just not the same as theirs. It looks very different ’cause they’re doing rainbows where I’m doing, lived in blondes.
Mm-hmm. And so I was scared to post it. But because of my friends that I’ve surrounded myself because of social media. Mm-hmm. But also the followers that I have, that I, when I meet them out in public, they like run up to me and they’re so excited and proud of me for like something that I recently posted, how they, it resonated with them.
And it’s more than a number, it’s a community if you do it the right way. Yes.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. I love that. There’s such beauty in social media and connection. Um, and like you said, growing that community because it’s so easy to feel alone in certain aspects of your life or like career parenthood, how you do things.
And there’s, I feel like there’s always someone that’s going through something similar or can relate or resonate in some way. And I think that’s truly the beauty of it. And like you said, you started all this during 2020 COVID, things were rough. We didn’t really know what the future was gonna look like.
Um, and so I feel like a lot of people found connection through that time, through social media. And it saved I think a lot of people being able to be like, okay. Here’s my new community, we’re gonna wake this work
Bailey Lavender: well because at the time we weren’t allowed to connect. And as a hairstylist, I’m used to seeing many different people in my chair in just a singular day and then going to feeling isolated and was training my dog.
And that was about it. Like I felt very alone in that time. And so social media, it was my therapy at the time.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You gotta like lean into like what’s gonna make you feel better and allow you to connect. And I feel like connection is such a powerful thing. And I’m sure you can say with like, with motherhood too, that’s such a powerful thing.
Um, before I did this, I worked for a motherhood brand and that was like, one of the things I always helped was like, grow communities with moms because. It can be so isolating if you’re in like a rough spot and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m the only one that’s dealing with, you know, potty training or whatever it is.
But it’s like the second you text a friend or like someone talk to someone in your community and you’re like, Hey, this is what’s going on. They’re like, that exact same thing happened to me. You’re okay mama. Like, you know,
Bailey Lavender: I have a friend Meg, me, Meg hair, and she had her baby almost nine months exactly after Kayden was born.
Christa Innis: Oh wow.
Bailey Lavender: And it’s very sweet and funny to me because she’ll hit these milestones and every so often she’ll call me and she’s like, is this normal? And I’m like, yeah baby, we did that. We’re good. You’re good. No worries. Or she’ll be teething or something new will happen and she’ll call and she’ll be worried that it’s abnormal or she’s not supposed to be hitting those milestones or whatever at the time.
And like you said, the camaraderie of like finding people, not just that have been through raising a child, but are going through it currently with you. Mm-hmm. It makes a huge difference. I have a friend. That she actually will be giving birth tomorrow. Um, she’s getting induced and through her pregnancy, she’s not done it.
But I really wanted her to post her her story. ’cause her story, I’m not gonna get into it ’cause her story to tell, but her story is very different. And I wanted her to share her story because she felt so alone. And I’m like, no, I want you to share it because there are so many people that will relate with you.
And I’ve never been through it, but I know that if you get it out there, you’re gonna help someone else and you’re gonna feel better about it.
Christa Innis: Yes, 100%. That’s someone I used to work with had, um, a very rare set of twins when she was pregnant. They were called mono, mono, mono twins. And which means, I think it means they’re, someone’s probably gonna correct me, listen, so I wanna say they’re both, they’re born in the same sac and they share the same umbilical.
I don’t, I can’t remember, but it’s very, it’s very rare. It’s like one out of like. A hundred thousand or something crazy. Right. And I remember her like telling me about it. She like came on and talked about it and when we posted it was like a community of like mono, mono twin moms commenting. And it was just like, I think all 10 in the last 10 years were like, found it somehow through search.
’cause they’re like, oh, I’m able to connect with someone. And it’s such a powerful tool I feel like in all aspects of just connection in the right way, like you said.
Bailey Lavender: Yeah. Well, twins in general are so interesting to me. If you’ve heard of like twin telepathy and all the things, like I, I genuinely think twins are so cool and then there is like tiny little, like, I don’t know the correct word for it, but like, different divisions of twins and their different connections and how they like relate with each other and how they can be in different spots and know the other one.
Something’s wrong with the other one. It’s just, it’s cool. Uh, that is a neat little story. Yeah.
Christa Innis: It’s, it’s so interesting to, um. To, yeah, to hear that and to connect in that way. Um, okay. Kind of going, going into your, your expertise in hair, what do you, okay, let’s talk about like current lifestyles. What’s one like hair transformation that you, I know you said you like the, um, what’d you call it?
The, the, the blo, what’d you call it? The relaxed, lived in
Bailey Lavender: blondes.
Christa Innis: Lived in blonde. That speaks to me ’cause I’m like, I’m so bad with getting my hair done. Mm-hmm. I just went for the first time last week after a year. Mm-hmm. So, um, I love the lived in blonde. Um, what’s like a current trend that you are loving with hair or what do you think is a piece of advice that all people should know when it comes to their hair?
Not to put you on the spot. I know it’s kind. Oh.
Bailey Lavender: So I actually, this one’s gonna speak to hair shells. I got one that I love about hair right now and one that I hate about hair right now. Okay. A lot of hair. I’m gonna start with the hate. Um, a lot of people within the hair industry are seeing where we’re going through a recession right now.
Right. And they are leaning into that and, and deeming a certain hair trend, which is like a low maintenance blonde, the recession blonde. And I don’t, I hate that terminology with a passion because it makes it feel like, it makes it feel negative to me. Mm. That is my personal opinion. It makes it feel negative to me.
I’d never want any of my clients to feel like I’m pushing a service onto them because they can’t afford it. That is not, they’re not, I’m not in their wallet. If they can afford it, absolutely, I can tell them the reasons of why I think a service will be best for them, but because our economy is not the best point right now is not one of those reasons, and I cannot stand that terminology love on the other side.
I love that a lot of people are starting to embrace what they want to do. For so long, I heard so many of my clients say the terminology of like, well, my husband prefers X, Y, Z and of course I get people want to like make their spouse, husband like happy. I, I fully understand that. But there’s starting to be more of this independency of, if I feel good, my spouse will love me.
End of story, period. They, they married me for me and this is gonna make me happy. And so many people, and kudos to the spouses that encourage. Their partners to do what makes them happy. I’m seeing more and more of that, and I genuinely feel like it’s making a change in relationships between hairstylist client and the client and their spouse.
Yes. And
Christa Innis: I think then they can probably leave feeling so much better too. Like, oh, I’m not just like checking a box of like what they like to see me in. Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like that applies to like wedding stories too. I’ve seen too, like, so, so many times that rides right in, they like do something that like, oh, what will so and so, like, what does so and so want to see?
And I think one thing we’re getting better at, and I don’t know if it’s like a millennial thing or what, but um, getting better at like, no, this makes me feel good. Like, I’m gonna do this for me. And it’s not selfish. It’s because like I deserve it. You know, or it’s like I deserve to feel just as good as that person does.
So I love that.
Bailey Lavender: So I’ve seen, which you probably see this as well, but since being a hairstylist, I talk to a lot of different people about they’re going to someone’s wedding or they’re planning a wedding. And I don’t do wedding here myself. Currently. I’m thinking about getting back into it because I have a friend who doesn’t and it, uh, she makes it look enjoyable.
Yeah. But, um, I see a lot of people that are going to weddings and for a super long time, a lot of brides required everyone to look identical.
Christa Innis: Hmm. And
Bailey Lavender: unfortunately trying to make everyone look identical, no one did. And it threw everything off. Bridesmaids were not feeling beautiful in their dressings.
’cause it did, it wasn’t made for them. Or their hairstyle. It doesn’t work for their face. Or you could just tell they felt off or icky in their own skin. You want that person to feel gorgeous on a day that you’re celebrating altogether. And I’m seeing more and more of these brides be like, no, this is my wedding day, but I still want you to feel beautiful.
And they’re like, just be like, Hey, find a dress that makes you feel pretty within this color palette or within this style. Wear your hair exactly how you want, but just don’t wear it exactly like mine. Like it there, there’s way more leniency in the bridal world equaling out with the hair world. Yeah. Um, and it’s, it’s creating this inclusivity that I’m loving.
Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I love it so much. ’cause some of the, yeah, some of the earlier weddings I was in, it was like a uniform. Yeah. Like you put on this dress and it’s like. It’s fine. We’re all, we all match. Exactly. Luckily, I don’t think I’ve ever been in one where we had to match the hair and dress, but it’s like dress in shoes.
Exactly. Um, but I’ve seen a lot of weddings where it’s like, hair has to all be an updo, hair has to be like this. And it’s like, what if that doesn’t look good on me? I don’t feel like myself. Um, but yeah, I, I’ve been seeing more and more like, pick, pick any dress in this color family or pick any dress from this website.
And I’m like, I love that too, because we’re all different. We all have different body types and I just feel like you want, you want your people up there to feel comfortable in their own skin too.
Knowing Your Role, Setting Boundaries, and Showing Up Right on the Big Day
Bailey Lavender: One of my friends, a few years ago, she had a wedding and she did the, the style where like she has the color and the style that she wants, but the, how it’s constructed, you get to choose as a bridesmaid.
She just wanted everybody in something a little different than one another. And I didn’t fully understand it at the time because when she was getting married it was kind of abnormal for that. And then looking at every single bridesmaid, there was me who is tall. There was another girl who was short.
There’s one who was ex had extreme chest, right? Like very big compared to mine. And I was in like a strapless dress. And she, looking at her, I was like, strapless dress would not have looked good on you. Or not even not look good. It would not felt good on her. Yeah. And it just, it was one of those moments that was eyeopening to me of like, you care about every single person in your wedding party, not just about your day.
Christa Innis: Yes, 100%. You want your people to feel just as good as you do. And I’ve seen the weddings where it’s like they’re put all in this like form fitting strapless dress and everyone’s
just there and like you can tell when people don’t feel comfortable, but they’re just gonna like suck it up. And yeah, I did something similar at mine.
Like it was like, I think it was like. Any of the mo of col like shades they could pick. And some did strapless, some did, um, lower cuts. Some did sho like sleeves. And I knew everyone has their own insecurities and their own favorite parts of their body that they can just, you know, they, they wanna accentuate.
Um, same with like hair and makeup too. I was like, do what you want with your hair and makeup. Get it done or don’t, I don’t care. I want you to feel like you. Um, so I feel like that pressure too in some ways. I know there’s some very extreme wedding industry where it’s like, you still gotta do follow my uniform.
But I do see, I feel like overall you’re right about that.
Bailey Lavender: I think it truly is based upon who you’re friends with, right? Where you understand your friends, you understand if someone is extremely Type A and they want something a specific way, and they have to have that vision their entire life. Um, none of my friends are that way because I am not that kind of person and I struggle to be a Type A and a lot of times the weddings that I see, they’re all like the Type A bride.
They’re all kind of that way. So it works. Like I’ve seen brides that they have, I mean down to timeframe of when they’re eating breakfast and when they’re brushing their teeth, type of like schedule Uhhuh and all of their bridesmaids work that way. And so it works for their wedding. Yes. Where any, any wedding I’ve ever been in, it’s not formulated like that because I don’t have friends like that because I am a bad friend to a type A person.
Christa Innis: Yes. No, I totally get that. Yes. Knowing your friends is like. Is key. So I always say in like a lot of these bridesmaid stories I get where I’m like, if, if it’s not communicated ahead of time or you feel like you’re being asked of something that is like outta your comfort zone, you can decline. It’s okay to decline and just be like, this is not the right, I’d rather come as a guest or you know, vice versa.
Like if it’s just not a good match, it’s okay. I know there’s sometimes hurt feelings, but I feel like it’s better to just. Be like, you know what? I’d rather just support you and be there as a guest and I don’t wanna spend all, you know, thousands of dollars on a bachelorette with all new clothes or, you know, whatever that ask is.
And have those boundaries. For sure. Yeah.
Bailey Lavender: I was asked to be in a wedding a few years ago, and I had to have the very un uncomfy conversation with her that she took phenomenally, because like I said, I’m very pick picky about the people I have around me.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: And she wanted me to do hair for the wedding, but then she also wanted me a bridesmaid and I was like, listen, I would love to do one or the other.
Yeah. Whichever one you prefer me to be in, I will do, but I cannot do both, because she had like a ton of bridesmaids and I was like, I can’t enjoy your day if I’m on the clock so I can do your hair and mine and be a bridesmaid, or I can do everybody’s. So you’re gonna have to choose.
Christa Innis: I love that you said that because that relates to a lot of the stories that we’ve gotten to where it’s like.
People will ask someone that’s already a part of the wedding or a family member will come in and be like, I’ll be your photographer. And they also wanna be a guest. They also wanna be the aunt. And it’s like, just be either a friend that day, family member, or be a vendor. It’s hard to do all things and really, because you, you like, you hear about the photographer where it’s like, then they don’t get the photos or it’s like they’re distracted talking to somebody so they’re not taking the photos, you know?
So I think it’s a lot. Yeah, that was like such like a good way to communicate that.
Bailey Lavender: I think it’s important not only as someone who gets to be able to attend such a special day, that you pay attention to what your goal is in that moment, right? Mm-hmm. Is my goal to support her. ’cause I was there for the bride.
Is my goal to support her on the wedding day as a bridesmaid or. Right, because those are two vastly different things and I have to show up in the best way for her that day. So if you’re a photographer that day, you better be making sure you’re giving her the best photos of her entire life. ’cause this is an important day, or the bridesmaid or whatever it is, I believe on an important day, you have to show up wholeheartedly for what they’re asking of you.
And if you don’t, then you’re letting them down. And I refuse to let people down like that.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I love that. That’s great advice because I feel like a lot of times too, we wanna be able to do it all for our friends. We say, yes, yes, yes. But in the long run, that can actually hurt them or hurt who you are as like whatever job they’re asking you to do. Like you can’t do it all. It’s just not possible. And you can be a better friend by being like this or this.
Red Flags, Green Flags, and Wedding Chaos
Okay. I wanna do, before we get to the main story that we’re gonna react to, and we’re gonna do a little this or that, it’s a red flag verse green flag. So I’m gonna read a statement and you’re gonna tell me if it’s a red flag or green flag.
Um, I think most of the time they’re pretty obvious, but some will, will toy back and forth with. Okay. Um, here we go. Your future mother-in-law gets her hair styled, almost identical to yours, and the guests keep complimenting her bridal look.
Bailey Lavender: I think it’s a great flag. I find it to be a compliment that you want my same hairstyle, but some people may, uh, defer.
I know. I,
Christa Innis: I think that’s a very good way to look at it too, because like me, like I, I get along with my mother-in-law so well, and so like, she has better style than I do. She like know she’s so good with that stuff, so I wouldn’t take it personally or take it offensively either. Yes, yes. I said the white dress thing.
I’m like, if my grandma, my mom, or my mother-in-law came in a white dress, I would not have been mad. I would not have cared.
Bailey Lavender: See, like you said, I have a phenomenal relationship with my mother-in-law, but I also know that just because we have, if we do the same hairstyle, it’s gonna look different on her than it does on me.
She found inspiration. I mean, that’s what the internet is. The Pinterest, if you get on Pinterest, you’re gonna probably copy something that someone else has done. Because you think it’s beautiful? I don’t think it’s bad.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Um, okay. The photographer insists on group photos now, but one bridesmaid refuses because her hair is only halfway done.
Bailey Lavender: That’s complicated because of course I would want my mine to be done, so I feel like that’s a green flag. She doesn’t wanna ruin the bride’s pictures.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think I would wanna start if my bridesmaid wasn’t done, because I feel
Bailey Lavender: like that’s the bridesmaid looking out for the bride. You can wait five more minutes to let this be finished so that she can get her pic, her perfect pictures.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s when a day of coordinator or wedding planner needs to come in and say, Hey photographer, we’re gonna wait five more minutes.
Bailey Lavender: You can go, let’s go do this instead. Yes,
Christa Innis: yes. Yeah. Because I feel like too, like a good day of coordinator or a good photographer will know how to quickly move around if like, oh, something’s gonna take a little bit longer, instead of forcing someone to be halfway done.
I would never want that for my bridesmaid. Um, the DJ plays the wrong song for your first dance, and instead of fixing it, he just keeps going.
Bailey Lavender: As a red flag because it happened to me. It did. It did. Oh, so I’ve been married twice. At my first wedding, we had like the whole shebang and the dj, it was a rarity that a single song that was played correctly happened.
And so I got mad and was like, why are we even paying this man? We should just played a Spotify playlist at this point. And so I say, red flag,
Christa Innis: oh my gosh, what did you guys do? Did you guys stop? And then like be like, Hey, can you,
Bailey Lavender: no. ’cause I didn’t want anybody else to know he was messing up. It was my day.
Christa Innis: Oh, like I’ve had it wrong. You’re so nice. I just saw a video where this happened. This girl posted about like their DJ experience, I can’t remember the account name now, but there was three different times. So during the ceremony, like they’re like literally doing their vows and he just starts blasting a song.
And then during their first dance, no cake cutting, he plays like a complete different song and they’re like, get about to like do the switch, whatever. And she just stopped. She’s like, this isn’t the song. And she’s like, I wasn’t afraid to say no because by this point it kept being like wrong place, wrong time music.
Like so good
Bailey Lavender: for her. I was not a confrontational person at the time. So like my walking down the aisle, wrong song, oh, uh, flower Girls, wrong song, first Dance, wrong song, daddy Daughter, wrong song. It was just like the, the, I’m telling you it was a rarity that the right song was played.
Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. And you just like went with it.
You’re just like, here we go.
Bailey Lavender: Uh, because I, my aunt at the time was a wedding coordinator and she and I had a very real conversation of it is a rarity that you will have. Everything go right on your wedding day. Yeah. It is not about the wedding day, it is about the marriage. Mm-hmm. And if you harp on this now, then everything will just be wrong because you’re gonna live in the negative.
So just let it go and keep going with your beautiful day.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s such a great point because I feel like, and, and I get mixed reviews in the comments when I say stuff like this, but I’m like, not like you’re causing more drama, but if you like stop everything or you stress about one thing not going exactly right, it is gonna weigh on you and then you’re gonna be thinking about it and then you’re gonna think about, how did I react to that?
Or did someone see that? Or you know, like that’s how my brain works anyways. Like if I do like put my foot down or say something, I’m like, did I come off rude? Oh my gosh, was there a picture? You know, was, was I doing something that I wouldn’t normally say? Um, so yeah, and even like these were like, I.
Relationship or drama, things that happen at weddings, I’m like, again, I got very lucky. I haven’t experienced that. I did not experience it at my own wedding. But some of these scenarios I’m like, for certain things I would just let it go On that day. Be in your wedding bliss. Ignore the little chatter that’s maybe happening, or someone that’s being negative because you don’t want it to take away, otherwise, you’re gonna just weigh on.
It’s gonna weigh on you and you’re just gonna be thinking about it. When you think about your wedding day.
Bailey Lavender: And also back to your friends surrounding you. I am big on, like at both of my weddings, I had the people that are most important to me, that know me the best, surrounded around me. And there was moments that something would go wrong and I could lean to one of them and say, dah, dah, dah, dah, something’s not right, blah, blah, blah.
And they would go handle it. They would go do it. And same for when I’ve been in weddings. Like there has been stepmothers sit in mother’s seats on the wedding day, and that was not okay. Like they were not close with the stepmother.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. And
Bailey Lavender: one of the bridesmaids went up there and handled it, and then they went back and got into line and we went on.
But like, yes, the bride, it should just be the bride and groom or whoever’s getting married. Not just bride and groom, but whoever’s getting married, they should just have a day of bliss. And if something goes wrong, someone else handle it or just let it be.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. I love that. All right, we’ve got a couple more and then we’ll get into the story.
Sorry if I’m going a little over on time. Do you have a, do you have a. We’re good. I’m good. All right, cool. All right, next one. The groom disappears with his friends for almost an hour during the reception. While guests are left waiting.
Bailey Lavender: Red flag,
Christa Innis: I like Yeah, I would say red flag. Red flag. Um, bride insists on a second.
Outfit change, but doesn’t tell anyone. Leaving the reception paused for 45 minutes.
Bailey Lavender: Girl. You need to practice this. Come on. I get things go wrong. It’s hard to get in and out of dresses, but like if you’re, if you guys are wanting a, a dress range of some sort, plan it properly. Don’t let people go hungry.
Don’t let people go be questioning what’s going on. Have something to distract them. If it’s gonna take you a while and get outta your dress, whatever it is, yeah. Plan accordingly. Because a lot of people are there to celebrate you and if you disappear, they’re like, what’s happening?
Christa Innis: Yes. There’s always gotta be something going on.
So if you disappear for a little bit, have music started or have appetizers out, whatever that is. Um, ’cause yeah, I, I just read a story where a girl set her and her groom or partner, they went for photos, but they didn’t tell anybody and the photographer didn’t tell anybody. So the parents thought they left and then they left.
And I’m like, how? How did they just go, oh, I guess the wedding’s over. Like, we’re just gonna go home. Like, I don’t know how that happens, but let’s
Bailey Lavender: communicate. Let’s not just leave. Mm-hmm. Just let somebody be the designator, communicate, communication person, whatever you wanna call it. Yes. Just communicate with everybody.
They’re there to celebrate you and your partner and your next life experience. Let, there are people around you. I’m very dramatic, so a lot of my people, if I came out was like, Hey, I want an outfit change so I can actually dance. Gimme a minute. Love y’all. Have a great time. Bye. Yeah. They’d be like, okay.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And then they would just know, and like time goes fast at weddings, like they would know, but if they’re just like sitting there hungry, like waiting, they’re just gonna be like, okay, what’s, what is happening? Yes. Yeah. People don’t like not knowing. I feel like if people are fine waiting, if they just know what’s going on.
Bailey Lavender: Exactly. Some people have gotten babysitters and they are confused of what’s happening. They feel like you’re dragging your feet or something is happening and they’re like, listen. Crunch in here, I gotta get back to my kid, or I gotta do something else. And they’ve taken time outta their day to be there for you.
Respect them enough to also like inform them of what’s going on.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%. Okay. Um, I got one more and then we’ll get into the story. Okay. A parent gives a toast that includes embarrassing childhood stories. The couple begged them not to share.
Bailey Lavender: It’s a red flag because my family, we do that out of love unless it’s like something bad, right?
Um, and we’re like, no, please don’t do that. But we giggle at the fact that it is still told, right? We know the ones that are are gonna be told. And so I feel like that one’s a wishy-washy one for me because it depends on the family dynamic. It depends on the friend dynamic and it depends on what kind of story it was.
Christa Innis: Yes, totally. I feel like there’s so many. It’s a big spectrum of like Yeah. What’s, accept, what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s like your relationship with the parent. Mm-hmm. And your, I feel like maybe your sense of humor because Yeah. I feel like, like we had, like our best man in our wedding, like is hilarious.
And he gave, he said so many jokes and I’m like, if anyone else would’ve said some of those like that maybe we weren’t close with, obviously they wouldn’t have been at the wedding, but you know what I’m saying? Like, if it was something we weren’t close with, that would’ve been kind of weird. But like, because like he’s funny and like, we’re like, say whatever you want.
Like everyone was cracking up. So it’s always knowing, like I feel like it’s knowing your audience and like the relationship too of what’s Okay. Exactly. Yeah. Just some people don’t have the those cues,
Bailey Lavender: so I
Christa Innis: don’t know.
Bailey Lavender: Yes. I’ve been at a wedding before with my dad where someone got on stage and they got a hold of a microphone and you could tell that they were not instructed to do so.
And my dad, he’s a very large man and he knew the man and so he got up there and took the mic from him and just was like, it is so good that we’ve heard from him tonight. Everybody clap. And it was just like one of those moments, I was like, go, dad, thank you for saving this wedding. That is, and I think it’s, again, I keep coming back to this, who you surround yourself with.
Christa Innis: Yes. Oh, 100%. Oh my gosh. People, he needs to be like, at weddings where like, things might happen because I, the number of stories I’ve heard, I’ve seen stories of like people just passing mic or I’ve seen them, people just pass the mic around and it’s like an hour later waiting on dinner and you’re like, where are we still doing speeches?
And it’s just random
Bailey Lavender: and they’re saying the same things over and over. We’re so excited for Please write it down on the card. We wanna have fun. Yeah, we got DJ for a little bit longer on a dance.
Christa Innis: Yes. We’ve we’ve got an end time. We wanna, we wanna get to, yeah. Um, awesome. Yeah, I think that’s, that’s a great, um, great way to handle that.
The Seamstress Who Stole the Spotlight
Okay, let’s get into this week’s blind story, rea or blind story reaction. These are wedding stories that are sent to me, so here we go. I’ve not read it either. Here we go. Okay. I initially contacted a seamstress for simple alterations to a gown I already owned, but she insisted on designing my dream dress from scratch.
Throughout the process, she was kind and seemed genuine, genuinely excited to help, which made me trust her. Little did I know that on my wedding day, she would transform from a helpful vendor into an uninvited wedding. Crasher. Whoa. Okay. Overstaying her welcome and turning what should have been into a A beautiful day.
Into a nightmare. Oh, wait. She was supposed to help me into the dress and leave once I was ready, but she completely ignored my clear instructions. I told her several times she was free to go, yet she lingered as if she were on the guest list. It felt like she had no concept of boundaries or any awareness.
That she was supposed to, wasn’t supposed to be there. My friends who were there to help me get ready kept complaining about her presence because she constantly inserted herself into everything in her mind. She may have thought she was helping, but all she did was interfere and raw. My friends of their roles in supporting me.
After the ceremony, things only got worse. She repeatedly pulled me aside to fix the dress. I dragging me away from guests in photos. Ooh, that I would ha, I don’t know how I would react to this. Like, what are your thoughts so far? So
Bailey Lavender: it’s a double-edged sword because I understand the being prideful of the dress that she created and wanting to be there to experience it.
But in reality, it’s not your day. Ask for photos, ask if you can take pictures or whatever. Um. Uh, that is tough because ultimately I think my family would’ve just been like, Hey, thank you for coming. You can leave. But like, also as a hairstylist, I have been invited to a wedding to do hair before and there was no clear instructions of if they wanted me to stay and fix their hair throughout the night or if it was from time for me to go.
And so I had to just blatantly ask, what do you want of me? Um, because some people want you to stay to do a hair change from ceremony to perception, but if they don’t know, that gets tricky. But a lot of people assume that the person does know, but also you never take a bride away from a conversation unless they’re giving you the look of healthy.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And it’s hard because it sounds like. She just assumed this girl would just know what to do. This woman would know what to do. And it’s hard ’cause you don’t wanna like, you don’t wanna be like, okay, your end time is this time. Once the dress is on you can go. Unless maybe she did say that and the woman still stayed.
Um, but yeah, it’s hard ’cause I know even as like a day of coordinator, like there’s been times where like pretty much once the dances start I’m like free to go. But there’s been times where I’m also invited as a guest. They’re like, oh, stay for dinner, stay for dancing after. And then depending on how close I am, I usually will just see myself out.
’cause I’m like, I’m not family member or close friend. I’ll just let them enjoy their day. But other times I’ll stay for dinner and I’ll like hang out. Um. But it’s knowing where you like fit in and where you like don’t fit in.
Bailey Lavender: And then also I’m, from how it sounds, it doesn’t sound like the bride was like, Hey, I would love for you to come to my wedding and spend the day there.
And that is one thing. It’s like, I would never assume that I was invited. And that is wild to me on top of the fact that like, I’ve never heard of a seamstress or wedding dress designer bringing the dress to the venue.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I was shocked by that too. I didn’t know if that was like a common thing. ’cause I’ve never heard of that.
Bailey Lavender: I’ve never heard of it. Maybe if you’ve ever come across this, anybody watching this, please let us know because that is wild to me.
Christa Innis: Yes.
Bailey Lavender: I’ve had so many brides, they, they go a week or two before, if it’s normally brides like it done before then, but at least a week or two before they get their dress and then they have it hanging in their closet where a bridesmaid or a mother, the bride or groom has it, and then they bring it to the, the venue.
I’ve never heard of a strength seamstress being there.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I’m wondering if there was like, some kind of connection with this seamstress, like a family friend or something, or like, there’s some connection Yeah. That would, that would make it complicated. Yeah. ’cause then she’s like, oh, I’m gonna carry this with pride because they’re all gonna see this dress that I made, and then I need to make sure it’s perfect in every photo and I need to help her, Dr.
Get dressed and make sure it’s everything. But like, like I, I was just saying before, I was like, I’ve been to and been a part of so many weddings and even when the bride has an outfit change, they like do it themselves. Or like a mom helps ’em or a bridesmaid. Never The seamstress. ‘
Bailey Lavender: cause it’s a, it’s an important moment.
Like so many women want that picture of their mom lacing them up, their sister or whoever, like is important in their life. Helping them get ready, putting their shoes on, like fixing their train. The, the hand placements, it sounds like silly, but so many women, you know, the important people in your family or friends or whoever, you know, what their hands look like.
And years down the road when you’re looking back at those photos and you see their hands, they may no longer be here. It matters to you.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: And she took that from her.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. That would really, I feel like, really bother me. Like that might be, I always say like, there’s always a moment and even people pleasers, like I, I always say I’m a recovering people pleaser, but there’s always that moment where it’s like, it’s gone too far.
And I feel like if it were something like that on my wedding day, I’d be like, I would really like my friends here to be able to do this. Like. The X, I don’t know. I don’t think I would do that, but I’m like, it’s so hard to like put yourself in that position. Yeah. How would I handle this?
Bailey Lavender: See, and again, back to the people you surround yourself with.
I keep harping on this, but like the peop my family and my friends would’ve pulled me aside and been like, did you ask for this? And if I gave them a face of no, then they’re like, don’t worry about it. I’ve got it. And they were just gone and handled the situation. But again, we don’t know all of it. We don’t know if she was a family friend where they didn’t feel comfortable doing that because they didn’t know the depths of their relationship.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Okay. So, um, okay. So she pulled her away from guests and photos. It was as if she was determined to be a part of every moment, completely oblivious to how disruptive and intrusive she was being. She had no self-awareness whatsoever. To make matters even more offensive, she made rude comments about my husband’s race.
So now she’s just a rude person.
Bailey Lavender: Absolutely not. Would not fly? No. Okay. That I can see a lot of things in a lot of different perspectives. I can see where you’re wanting to be there for the dress. You’re wanting to try to be helpful. Maybe you have overstepped and you don’t understand personal boundaries.
That is a hard stop. Yeah,
Christa Innis: that would
Bailey Lavender: be
Christa Innis: absolutely. No, you’re, you’re out here. No, you’re being escorted at this point, that part.
Bailey Lavender: Do you no longer get the first comment? You’re out.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s, this is your client. If you’re making that comment about your clients, I can only mention what you’re saying behind the scenes.
So, yeah. No, not, not gonna fly. When, when I expressed that I was stressed, she told me it was my own fault for DIYing my wedding, I was floored. The audacity and lack of empathy was shocking. Her behavior was not just unprofessional, it was downright inappropriate. Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is way worse than I thought.
When we got our wedding photos back, my heart sank. She had her phone in my face in countless pictures, ruining moments that should have been timeless. I would be so upset. I feel so bad for this bride.
Bailey Lavender: I have a friend who she only does wedding photography and the amount of hate that she gets sometimes from like other people that are in weddings because she’s like, Hey, I need you to move to the side.
Or, Hey, put down your phone. Or, Hey, it’s supposed to be a wire or a phoneless ceremony because I, she’s paying me for these photos because she likes the way I do things and she’s not wanting them. And the amount of times that she’s posted where you can see a phone completely disrupting a photo that would’ve been, like you said, timeless
Christa Innis: and
Bailey Lavender: would’ve hung it in their bedroom forever or in their living room forever and now because of a phone.
Yeah. Is there
Christa Innis: everyone? Yeah. I know that’s, that’s terrible. I know. It’s like the people that always think like their phone’s gonna get the better job of the photographer and it’s like, no. Like they are a trained professional with a camera. Let them do their job. Um, I know I’ve been to weddings where it’s like, put your phones away and there’s still people taking photos, holding up their iPads or whatever it is, and it’s like, just put it away.
Take a photo later, pull ’em aside if you need to, but
Bailey Lavender: get little like one-offs from like when you’re sitting at the table at dinner and the, the setting is stunning and beautiful. Get your own little, like point of view picture and send it to her or put it in an album for them to look at later if they’re wanting some like B roll type of content, but let the photographer or the videographer or have you heard of wedding Content Creators?
I have. I just heard about this this week and I was like, that is phenomenal. Good for these people. Like making a new like. Avenue for income, but because I’ve always thought about that. It’s like these brides, they, they don’t wanna play on their phones and bridesmaids are doing a thousand other things.
And now there’s wedding content creators that go to weddings to get B-roll content for these brides. Phenomenal. Yes. But do that, don’t take, don’t think that your iPhone’s gonna be better than the camera or the editing style that. The brighter groom or whoever is paying for this wedding wanted.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Yeah. It’s definitely knowing what you were hired for and what you’re there to do and be done with the job. Because like, even as a day of coordinator, like my, the last wedding I worked like in the morning before the photographer came, like, it was part of like our contract, our calls. Like I was like, I’ll take like behind the scene photos when you guys are doing makeup done.
’cause I knew the photographer wasn’t gonna get there until noon. So I was like, I’ll do that before they come. As soon as the photographer came, I was like, my phone’s away. You don’t need me. Surely you don’t need this iPhone. Um, and, and even when I was like taking pictures of like, just stuff around, I was like very cautious about like, I did it before anyone was like in a setting just to take pictures of behind the scenes.
And even then I’m like. Phone should be away, like as if a, as a vendor. That’s not your, it’s not your job unless you’re a photographer, but
Bailey Lavender: well also, if you think about it from the persons whose wedding you’re at, right? Bride, groom, whoever. If you see this, it looks rude. It looks like you’re not present for their most or not most important day, but extremely important day to them.
You could be looking through these pictures that you just took because you think that they’re phenomenal and you can’t wait to send them, but they are gonna remember how you were on your phone at their important day. Yeah, and that’ll stick with them.
Christa Innis: 100%. Yes. No, I totally agree. It’s, yeah, it’s the fact that she was, I feel like she was so into her phone and what she was gonna be able to bring home or post to her website that she was like, I don’t care about this bride.
I, I care, I selfish. Mm-hmm. 100%.
Bailey Lavender: I can’t believe I, the, I’ll never get over the selfishness that goes into so many people that weddings, I feel like. They forget that it’s somebody’s important day. Mm-hmm. Someone is dedicating their life to someone else, like it’s beautiful, and so many people see, what can I get out of this?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep. I think that’s where a lot of these stories like stem from is people don’t, people either can’t celebrate, someone else, can’t allow the limelight to be on somebody else, or Yeah. They’re just thinking about their own like selfish gain. Especially because I don’t normally get vendor stories.
Every once in a while I get a story that’s from a vendor or about a vendor, but it’s very slim. Usually it’s like more family or friend bridesmaid stuff. So when I get something like this, it’s just. Oh, like you’re supposed to be the professional
Bailey Lavender: because so many vendors go into wedding vending in any right way, shape, or form because they love weddings.
They love the beauty of it and the stress that comes with it because it’s high intensity and they enjoy it and they love making it a stress free day as much as possible. And then family and friends sometimes come in with the great or with the right intentions, but unfortunately some of them are there just to ruin someone’s day.
Christa Innis: Yeah, yeah. Oh, it’s so unfortunate. Um, so it says even worse. Oh no. She positioned herself in front of the photographer as I walked down the aisle.
Bailey Lavender: Not that it’s just making me mad. Like everything, everything new. It is just, I’m getting more and more heated. I’m sorry. You’re like,
Christa Innis: in the beginning you’re like, I’m being more positive and I’m like, here’s some drama.
How do you feel?
Bailey Lavender: I’m angry.
Christa Innis: Like, we’re gonna go like do a meditation after this. Yes. I know because I’m like photographer. I’d be like, get out. Who are you? Get outta my way.
Bailey Lavender: So also what I’m hearing is that girlfriend did not have a seat. So you should have known get out, leave. Yeah. It’s time for you to go.
Christa Innis: Yeah, you, you gotta go. Because of that, I have no unobstructed photos of that. Once in a lifetime moment. Oh my gosh. That would make me so mad. Despite my explicit request for an unplugged ceremony and my clear instructions that she could only post photos of the dress without tagging me. She uploaded a video of my husband crying as I walked down the aisle.
Such a, seeing such a raw, personal moment shared online without my consent was devastating. So yeah, she’s doing it for her own personal gain for her own business.
Bailey Lavender: And are we gonna talk about the fact that she’s gonna upload a video of a man loving his now wife that you wanted to make racial comments about?
Mm-hmm. No ma’am.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this woman has no, she’s there just to get photos for, to help her own business and does not care about anyone else at this point.
Bailey Lavender: Mm-hmm. That is disgusting behavior.
Christa Innis: Ugh. When I left her a negative review, I was gonna ask, or I was gonna see if she left this spiel, calling out her unprofessionalism.
She didn’t apologize. Instead, she harassed me, responding by trashing my friends. Not once did she take responsibility. I’m guessing now it’s not a family friend because there’s, there’s no connection here. I don’t think she takes, not once did she take responsibility or show an ounce of remorse for how she ruined my day.
I wanna know who this is. She should share her story on TikTok. Um. Now my husband and I are planning a separate photo shoot because of our wedding photos being ruined by her constant interference. What should have been the happiest day of my life is now clouded by frustration and disappointment, all because she couldn’t respect basic professional boundaries.
If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that even the kindest seeming vendors can cross the line and derail your day. I trusted her with something precious, and she abused that trust leaving me with memories. I’ll never be able to fully get back.
Bailey Lavender: Oh, that makes me so
Christa Innis: sad.
Bailey Lavender: This is where them type a brides have it, right?
The ones that give you way too much information, you’re like, girl, of course I’m gonna leave whenever you need me to. Or of course you don’t have to worry about telling me that, duh.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: They’ve got it right because they’re, they know that there is a possibility that something goes awry like this, and they’re making sure they handle it beforehand.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s why I always think it’s like there’s always rules for things because someone has broken it or someone has done something that like this, you know? And it’s like it sucks because the reason there are so many, like strict brides or brides are like, this is because, and stuff like this. But then they get called a bridezilla and it’s like, no, like being firm with your boundaries does not make you a bridezilla.
Bailey Lavender: Well, it’s you understanding what could go awry. I mean, it’s similar to like, I put the light or the outlet covers over my outlets because there’s a possibility that my son puts his finger in it and they electrocute himself. You know, but they’re prepping themselves to make sure there is nothing that goes wrong and that they don’t have to stress on their wedding day because they’ve stressed before.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it’s, it’s, it’s, so I feel like it’s so easy to like read these stories and be like, this is what I would’ve done, but. It’s hard in those like moments of like, especially like, like we were talking about earlier, it’s like you wanted to be in your wedded bliss. You don’t want this drama to affect you, but she also didn’t let it affect her and then she saw the pictures.
Yeah. And so she’s, so it’s like at that point it’s like, should she have been? But she probably didn’t notice at that point. She was so, you know, in, in the moment and she probably didn’t notice, like this woman, her phone’s out in front of my photographer, like, you’re just expecting the photographer to do their job.
They’re fine. And that sucks that that happened. I feel so
Bailey Lavender: bad, I don’t know about anyone else, but on my wedding days it was such a blur because there was so much going on. I had a thousand things running through my brain, um, that the photos and the videos mattered the most to me be, or like outside of getting married.
But because I knew that I was going to forget important moments or miss important moments. Yes. And when you obstruct those or you ruin. A day that the bride remembers nothing but the negative things that you did on such an important day. Mm-hmm. That matters.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: Yeah. And honestly, you should take accountability and I’m so sorry.
Like that was never what I wanted for your wedding day. It was something
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think some of these vendors like that I’ve seen like in different tiktoks drama stores or something that don’t take accountability, they don’t realize that you’re ma, they’re making it so much worse for their business.
’cause there’s a current TikTok drama going on right now that I saw someone just tag me in it where she. Basically it’s a caterer situation. I don’t know the whole story, but the caterer kind of ruined her wedding day. Like certain things that she had set up and planned. They like, they like, uh, what did they do?
They put the cake topper through the cake instead of like putting it at the top. So it like, actually like broke the cake in half. They didn’t pull it out ahead of time to like, um, defrost. So it was like rock hard. So her husband and I and her couldn’t even like, take bites of the cake. So she’s trying to like, just act like it’s fine.
There was like a list of things and I guess she, like, like the person that she worked with all along didn’t even come to the wedding. It was another person. And then they kept saying, we won’t help you or talk to you until you remove your review. So I’m like, now she’s telling everyone on TikTok because you’re not helping her.
So now everyone knows who this person is ’cause they’re just unwilling to help. And I’m like, if you just fix it and apologize. Yes. Some things cannot be fixed. Like obviously the photographer. The photos can’t be fixed, but they’re gonna make it so much worse where no one’s gonna go to them because, no instance.
Bailey Lavender: Because if in reality, if one person has had that such horrible experience, they’re comfortable doing it. So someone else may have had at least a little bit of that same kind of person from them. Right. Because they are so comfortable with so much unprofessionalism because I mean, obviously she probably did a good job on her dress if she allowed her to make it from scratch.
Yeah. So this is not her first rodeo of making a wedding dress. So who else has also struggled with this?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It makes me wonder if other people had issues in the past, um, or if maybe the seamstress typically is not invited to an outfit change. So in her mind she heard that and was like, oh, I’m a part, they’re inviting me.
They’re part, they really like me. But either way. It just kept getting worse, worse, worse and worse. Not understanding boundaries, not understanding, being professional on a wedding day. There’s like, there’s no excuse for that behavior.
Bailey Lavender: Not in any way, shape or form. Anything that was done was not okay.
Christa Innis: Yeah.
Wow, that’s terrible. I feel so bad for the right. I’m glad they like are doing their own like photo shoot to hopefully like recreate some of the photos and stuff because
Bailey Lavender: it’s fun to do that anyways because your style may change or where you wanna put the photos may want a different style and you get to do something different and fun.
And I think so many people only get professional photos, or not even professional photos, they only get photos done or take photos at their wedding day or at kids’ birthday parties or something. And if you continue that, you get to see the progression of how you age and grow together and how your style changes.
And it’s all beautiful and you should like want to do that together forever.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I love that the reminder to do more photo shoots because I do feel like after you, like it’s like you get engaged, you have your wedding and then you kinda like forget. Like I was just telling my husband, I’m like, since our daughter’s been born, I’m like, we’ve not done like professional family photos and she’s two and a half.
So I’m like, we gotta like do those things. You have to like actively remember like to have someone take photos and like
Bailey Lavender: I was, I was very luck. I was, God, I can’t word that. I was a very lucky child. My grandmother owned a photography studio when I was really l young and so I grew up with a camera in front of my face.
And so now like at big life events, of course I think of a photographer, but even like the small ones, right? So I think about like at my son’s first birthday I made sure we had family photos, individual photos and like it was a big deal. And from here on out I want every birthday him to we to get photos with him and individually together as well because your family only stays that age for a little bit.
And I wanna see the progression of our life.
Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And you blink and they’re just like, I know. It’s crazy how, how it all goes. I’m sure you feel the same way. It’s just like wild. I remember someone telling me when like she was a newborn and they’re like, don’t blink. It goes so fast. And then I’m like, how is she like a fully like walking kid, like I don’t understand and she can like talk and have conversations like what?
Bailey Lavender: I feel like it was yesterday that I was super excited that he was sitting up on his own and now he, I have to Caden proof the entire house because he is like Tarzan and climbing up walls and like trying to hang from the rafters. I’m like, dude, you need to chill a little bit. ’cause I’m trying not to. You don’t have nine lives.
I, I don’t know if you know that, but you don’t have nine lives.
Christa Innis: Yes. It’s like you wanna like encourage them to be like, grow and be adventurous, but also like, I wanna kind of keep you in a little bubble because like, don’t get hurt. Please. Like.
Bailey Lavender: Like, I think we cut his toenail short one time, like too short where it bled a little bit and I cried about it for two days.
Christa Innis: Oh yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Bailey Lavender: Like I, I’m that mom. I’m going to allow him to do what he wants and be his own independent child, like you said. But please don’t hurt yourself. ’cause it hurts me worse.
Christa Innis: I know, I know. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Doctor’s visit like anything, like my, my husband and I are just, are weak. Like, I’ll get to the car and I just start like crying.
I’m like, oh my gosh. She was so brave at the doctor, but like, my God, it’s just like
Bailey Lavender: I do it every time.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I like that. She thinks I’m, but portraying her. But yeah. Uhhuh, um. Well, I loved having you on. I feel like we had such good conversations. You have like such like a light to you and I feel like you’re so positive and I, I felt like it was just great chatting with you and getting to know you.
Appreciate that.
Bailey Lavender: Thank you.
Christa Innis: For anyone listening again, can you just tell everyone where they can follow you? Um, anything fun and exciting you have coming up and what you’re kinda working on?
Bailey Lavender: Um, you can find me pretty much everywhere on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat I believe as well. Um, I’m the Bailey Lavender, but I’m not under the Bailey Lavender on Facebook.
Someone stole that identity from me and is faking multiple different accounts of that. So make sure, if you are looking for my Facebook account, you go through my TikTok or Instagram. Um, and it will have the link there because unfortunately people are awful. Um, but I’m currently working on. Adding transformations to my schedule, um, where I am trying to get to, where I take what is called like a, um, be like someone’s foster stylist, right?
Christa Innis: Okay. And so
Bailey Lavender: I take someone, I fix their hair at a reasonable price. ’cause unfortunately transformations sometimes are super expensive. Um, and, and fix their hair for a reasonable price. I have them for two to three appointments. I learn about them. I get to know their, who they are, what kind of appointments they prefer, like quiet or talkative or like what that person is to their core and what they enjoy.
And then I have a list of stylists around me in my area that I place them with. That’s their forever stylist, right? And I tell them what I use on them. Figure out like that. If that salon, if it’s upbeat, put them with someone that’s there. Or if they’re needing something more secluded, a little bit more relaxing, put them somewhere that has like a suite where they’re in there by themselves and they get to have a relaxing experience.
And make sure that like everybody that’s on my stylist list acts still also have the same kind of education as me. And so like any new education I’m going to, I’m making sure they know it’s so that they can also attend. And like making sure that I’m not just. Taking everything that comes my way and trying to profit from it, but also like spreading the love.
And I started doing this when I moved to Shelby and I am loving it.
Christa Innis: I love that. I’ve never heard of that, but it makes so much sense because I feel like the wide span of hair salons you can go to, they’re just also different and everyone’s different. So you’d be able to do that like guesswork for them and be like, yeah,
Bailey Lavender: you fit.
And it’s hard as a stylist you are that you have to be everything. You have to be marketing and pr, pr and you have to be booking and cleaning and like you have to do all of that on top of working your schedule as a stylist on your feet all day, like you’re tired. And so a lot of them don’t have the reach that I do, and some people struggle to find their perfect stylist and so I get to just kinda like bridge the gap
Christa Innis: and I,
Bailey Lavender: I think it’s so cool.
Christa Innis: Oh, that’s so fun. Yeah, that’s great that, that’s awesome. Like I said, I, I haven’t heard of that before and I feel like that’s such a helpful tool for people to have. Um, and it helps, I feel like helps them know themselves better too a little bit.
Bailey Lavender: Yeah. And also like they’re not spending their whole life savings on fixing their hair and then I get it to a maintainable color or cut or whatever it is, and then place them where they’re just maintaining that, which is a lot more inexpensive than trying to do a huge transformation.
Right.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s so cool. Well, awesome. Well thank you so much for coming on. Like I said, it was great chatting with you. I feel like we covered a lot of topics and um, it was really great to meet you after seeing all your awesome content. I
Bailey Lavender: appreciate that. It was wonderful talking to you today.