My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
When “I do” turns into “I don’t know what to do.” Wild.
From unexpected guest list debates to a mother-in-law meltdown that left everyone speechless, Me and my best friend Ivette dive into the wild world of wedding chaos. This episode is packed with hot takes, emotional moments, and wedding horror stories you won’t believe! Should couples feel obligated to invite family? Is banning kids a crime? And why are so many in-laws acting like it’s THEIR big day?
Listen in as I and my BFF and MOH Ivette spill the tea, share our own experiences, and remind you—it’s YOUR wedding, your rules.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
15:44 From Acquaintances to Best Friends
19:06 Hot Takes: Kids at Weddings & Wearing White
19:59 Wedding Guest List Drama: Who Stays & Who Goes?
27:15 Wedding Horror Story: The Mother-in-Law Meltdown
32:45 When Wedding Paperwork Goes Wrong
38:10 Wedding Confessions: Bridesmaid Disasters & Petty Payback
43:21 Ending the Drama: Mental Health & Marriage Advice
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- Me and Ivette’s friendship journey—how we met and became inseparable
- Wedding guest list debates: Obligation vs. personal preference
- Mother-in-law horror stories: When family feuds take center stage
- Unpopular wedding opinions: Kids at weddings, guests wearing white, and more
- The pressure of tradition: When “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t work for you
- Wedding planning vs. Marriage preparation—what really matters?
- Bridesmaids & boundaries: What’s fair to expect from your wedding party?
- The most shocking wedding confessions submitted by listeners
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
- “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
- “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
- “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
- “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
About Ivette:
Ivette is not just a special guest—she’s one of my closest friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding. As a supportive friend who has been part of my journey long before Here Comes the Drama was even an idea, Ivette brings warmth, humor, and thoughtful insights to the conversation. With a deep appreciation for meaningful relationships and personal growth, she shares her take on wedding traditions, family dynamics, and setting boundaries in the chaos of wedding planning. Whether reflecting on her own experiences or reacting to jaw-dropping wedding drama, Ivette keeps it real with heart and honesty.
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Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and if you are listening for the first time, welcome. We are the podcast that dives into the chaos, hilarity, and unforgettable moments when it comes to weddings, events, and beyond. And today’s episode, of course, is packed with some juicy stories and hot takes that you will not wanna miss. Now we’re doing things a little bit different this time, and I’m releasing a never before shared episode with my best friend, Ivette. So a little background to this episode when I first. Plan this podcast out. So the first episode came out of January this year, which is wild to think about. We’re almost a year at this.
I like had a full roster of who I was going to interview or who I was gonna have on the podcast. And of course I wanted my best friend Ivette on there. She was the maid of honor in my own wedding. And so I figured, you know, we’d have a lot of fun stories to share. And so the first time I had her on, we recorded, gosh. It was after our, our kids went to bed we were on Zoom. And so, um, I wanna say it was like nine o’clock at night. So we’re both like tired and we recorded, and I think we’re both just kinda like perfectionist. Where afterwards, she texted me the next day and she was like, do you wanna redo it?
Or like, are you happy with it? And I think I was in my overthinking phase of this is just getting off the ground. Right? And I was like. I mean, we can redo it if you want, but like, let’s do a different story since we already like truly like live reacted to that one. And so recently I was like, I forgot we have that episode. And I was like, I just wanna listen to it. And I listened to it and it’s actually really good and it’s a shocking story. And it’s very real, uh, um, not like they’re normally not, but it’s just like. It’s two tired moms, AKA us, um, chatting and we’re just like doing a real reaction of what the story, and we’re just doing a real reaction.
And so I really liked it and I was like, you know what? I’m gonna share it. So I texted her and I was like, Hey, are you cool if I share this episode? I was there’s some really good insight. And um, it was a lot of fun. And she’s like, yeah, go ahead and share it. So I think we were just both in our stage of like, perfectionism and I was like nervous because I was so new. So when I do play it, which is gonna be in a minute, um, we’re gonna. She’ll be introducing herself and obviously since then I’ve had her on the podcast two different times. So, um, you guys, if you’ve listened, you know her now, but she’ll reintroduce herself then. This was recorded originally either February or March of this year.
So we are here now. Gosh. Eight, nine months later. So just to keep that in mind, a lot has changed since then. The layout of the podcast has changed as well, so I’m gonna play that in a minute. But before I do that. Next week is Thanksgiving. And what would Thanksgiving be if I just didn’t say a little note to you guys of how truly grateful I am for all of you. I mean, this is the most incredible community. I never saw this happening. I mean, when I was on my maternity leave two and a half years ago now, um. I just decided to pick up my phone and do a silly little skit. And you guys thought it was funny. And I remember keeping it a secret for so long because not like I was ashamed of it, but I just didn’t really know where it was gonna go.
And I feel like when you start telling people, you start viewing yourself differently, and I feel like you start acting a certain way. And so, um, I kept it kinda like to myself. Only my husband knew I was gonna do it. And it was this weird little thing. Like once my daughter would go to bed, I would like film in the bathroom. And I was like, what is my life right now? But it’s turned into so much more. It’s turned into this storytelling. It’s allowed me to share. So many stories from people from all over the world. I also am able to create my own stories, which, um, if you guys have been following, following me for a bit, you know, I love creating stories.
That’s what I went to school for. I’ve always loved writing. And so it’s just sparked something in me that I truly enjoy. And so, um, thank you to just like any of you guys for watching, for sharing, for listening on the podcast. No matter where you found me or how you found me, I’m just so grateful that you’re here now. And this is just the beginning. Um, this, because of this platform, I feel like I have the opportunity to share more and to help more and to hopefully make an impact. Um. And by the time this comes out, this might be a little late news, but like, for example, with everything happening with people losing their benefits and with, um, you know, I mean just the world is struggling right now.
So many people are struggling and so I did a. Feeding America fundraiser. Um, earlier last, actually at the end of last week, and in two days we raised $3,000, which was just incredible. And so hopefully, hopefully by the time this comes out, we can even double that. And that’s just a little teaser of like the kind of things I wanna keep doing. I wanna be able to help more people to. Share more ways of, um, impacting others as well. And um, I know I’m kind of going on a tangent now, but it just really means a lot to me, this community. And I don’t really take a time to sit back and just really realize what we’ve got going on here. And so to my, from the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say thank you.
Okay. Now I’m not gonna cry or anything. Let me get into the next segment. Okay. So before I get into, um, the previously recorded episode that no one has ever heard before, um, this is a wedding dilemma. So my brand new segment called Wedding Dilemmas or Wedding 9 1 1, um, is where people are sending me. They DM me, they email me current or past dilemmas. They’re kind of going through and they want just. Other feedback from people they want, honest, maybe unprofessional, um, advice from me. Um, what to do in the situation. So I got a longer one today, so we’re gonna read this one and I’ve not read it entirely. So let’s see what we got. Um, if you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me at Christa or.
If you have a wedding dilemma of your own, please email me. hello@christainnis.com with the subject line wedding dilemma and we will get to it. Okay, here is today’s wedding dilemma. So I’ve been a longtime watcher of your TikTok channel, and I’ve actually been engaged for a couple of years, but I was constantly getting met with a lot of apathy and negativity when I first started to try to plan the wedding. Not for my fiance of course. Recently my mom bought my wedding dress, and so we finally started to get the ball rolling. But in doing so and setting the date, everything is getting more real and some people are starting to ask the questions. I’ve been dreading. The main one is who is going to officiate?
That is an interesting question for people to ask because. I don’t think people asked me that unless I’m just forgetting. And that’s also not my first question when I hear someone’s engaged or planning their wedding. Um, it’s a fun question, but I don’t know. Interesting. My dad got ordained a few years ago. Okay. This is why. And he has a officiated, a couple of family weddings so far and he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he really wants to officiate my wedding. We know how I feel about family or friends coming in and demanding or making hints at being a part of the wedding as a vendor. And yes, an officiant is considered a vendor, right?
Fisht photographer or dj. They’re all vendors. They’re typically contracted and paid. So he’s trying to kind of get in there. I would just worked a wedding where the stepdad was the officiant and it was amazing. It was beautiful, but they asked him to do it. He had never done it before and he was so nervous, but he did a great job, but, and they asked him to do it because he’s so meaningful in their life. Okay. Um, there are multiple reasons. I do not want him to do this. The main reason is I’ve given, the main reason I’ve given is that for that day, I want him just to be the father of the bride and nothing else. I just want my dad. That is, that is all you need. That is a great reason alone. But I get it. If he’s been pushing for this, he might not understand, but like, I wanna do this for you, you know?
Now onto the reasons I don’t say to him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was pretty young and he left us okay this off the bat. Why would you want someone that cheated, especially on your own mother to officiate your wedding? I know I want it. Like that’s just, to me, that’s like a bad omen Don’t you want someone that like really values marriage and relationship and building blocks of moving forward? I mean, at least I do. Um, he had kids with the other woman that he also wasn’t present for. Oh gosh. Because he would leave her and get back together with my mom, and the entire situation was so messy. Oh my gosh. So he’s now screwing up and hurting two families because of his own selfishness. At the end of the day, I don’t want a man who couldn’t respect his marriage to officiate mine.
Yes, I agree with you. Number two, I am Christian, but my fiance is not. And while we are incorporating some Christian symbolism into our vows and our ceremony, we would also like to incorporate other things from his beliefs. I feel like my dad is going to push for an overly Christian ceremony that is gonna make both of us uncomfortable. And here’s the thing too, the hypocrisy, right? So. she’s Christian, so but she sounds very like accepting of like her husband’s not, so she wants to do a little mix of like what both of their beliefs. Right. Which I think is very normal and very wonderful. But for the dad to be like, he cheated in the sanctity of marriage.
He cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant. Doesn’t father those children or these children, leaves his families constantly, right. He wants to push for this very Christian wedding, and it’s like, okay, okay, what are we doing here? Um, number three, my dad believes in the role of wife, so to speak, and I absolutely hate this particular belief. Mostly just for how it has manifested with my own mom and how he believes I should accept being treated by a partner if I marry someone. So he probably thinks. even though he cheated, his wife should still accept him back because he’s the man. Right. I have been to so many weddings where I’ve heard very sexist language about the role of a woman, and I don’t wanna hear it on my wedding date.
Yeah. I I wouldn’t either. No. That’s something that I, when I was picking, um, an officiant side story, I was gonna have my uncle do it. He married all the cousins in our family. He’s my godfather. But, um, he was actually expecting a baby. Um, so the timing just didn’t work out, which I was so bummed about. But we ended up finding an amazing afic on the Knot. This is not sponsored. I literally just googled one day and the Knot came up and I found this amazing reverend um, Reverend Marsha. Shout out to her ’cause she’s amazing. Um. And one thing that I loved about her was that we had multiple zoom calls. We met in person and we went over the full ceremony detail by detail.
What kind of, what kind of thing are you looking for? Do you want it religious or not? Do you want a mix of religions? Do you want, um, a prayer? Do you want a unity? Like she really customize it for the couple and then before we agreed to it, or before we actually like had our rehearsal, um, she let us view. The prayers that were gonna be read, she had us view how she was gonna open it. Um, and we were able to say take this part out, put this part in. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about getting married is being able to customize it to you and your partner. Right. So just to kind of like jump the gun a little bit.
Sounds like this Dad was like, this is how it’s gonna be. I’m gonna tell you. How your marriage should be, even though he didn’t live up to his marriage. Um, uh, how it, how even though he didn’t live up to how the sanctity of marriage should be. Right Now, to some of my points, you may say, I need to. Now to some of my points, you may say, I need to just communicate with my dad that I don’t wanna hear that type of language, or just communicate on one type of ceremony I wanna have. But he’s incredibly condescending and dismissive when my point of view opposes his.
Ooh. To be frank, I’m concerned that because this is so important to him, it’s going to have ripple effects into our relationship. It took us years to get to a good place Again, I have considered letting him do the ceremony just because I know how important it’s to him, but at the end of the day, it feels like I’m constantly sacrificing my happiness and my comfort so the other people can feel special and seen. I want to feel seen on this one day. Okay. You know exactly what you want and you know exactly what you need to do. And I’m gonna tell you based on what you just told me, right? You can’t have your dad officiate your wedding. Plain and simple. He’s not going to follow what you tell him to. He’s gonna put his own beliefs in there about.
Your role as the wife, you are gonna have this built up resentment because of how he treated your family, specifically your mom and you kids that he doesn’t talk to. I don’t know if you have siblings, why start your marriage off with your partner with someone that did not respect their own marriage? Right. And I think this is the time where you really need to put your foot down. And yes, communicate with him. Absolutely. But just tell him again and be firm. I want you there as my dad and my dad. Only you can walk me down the aisle. We’ve actually already found Blink to officiate the wedding and leave it simple.
If he asks questions, you can give him some details. Um, if he seems like he’s going to try to do something or grab a mic, or make a speech or take over the ceremony, you need to be very clear that if he does not do this, he will be asked to leave. And that might seem harsh to some people listening, but now I’ve heard so many stories where people do this kind of thing. If they’re not given the position they want, or they’re not allowed to be photographer, they’re not allowed to do this, then Oh, I’m not coming, or you’ll regret it. But I truly, truly believe based on everything you’re telling me and how your relationship is with your father and how you’ve had to work back up to this spot, you will regret having him officiate your wedding.
There are certain things that yes, over time you can rebuild, but the fact that he’s dismissive, still condescending to you and you’ve seen him speak at weddings before where he’s very sexist. I think all signs point to no. So you gotta be firm. If you need someone behind you, obviously your partner is gonna be behind you.
Um, I don’t know his relationship with your mom currently. Um, it sounds like he kind of goes back and forth so. She needs to be on your side as well. Um, get everybody on your side and in the meantime, find someone that you guys both agree on should officiate your wedding and get on the same page. And that point, he can’t fill the role if it’s already been filled. So I hope that helps. I hope that was considered some good advice, but I just, like, I read through it and I’m just like, no, everything you’re saying. He tells me he should not officiate your wedding. You truly deserve to have the best day, feel seen and have a ceremony that really represents you and your partner in the best way.
So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well. And please send us updates. I would love to hear updates and um, hope everything goes well. All right guys. Now as I said, we are going to play, um, my previously recorded episode never before shared with my best friend and maid of honor, Ivette. So without further ado, please enjoy I.
Christa Innis: Welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I’m so excited. I’m just going to dive right in because one of my very best friends and was the actual maid of honor in my own wedding, my good friend, Ivette, welcome to the show.
Ivette: Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never done a podcast before, so I’m excited.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I knew like right away when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it in some way. guys like Ivette is just like. The kindest person. She’s like, we can go on and on about like how we met and all that stuff. But like, basically, our husbands have been best friends for a while.
So we met through them. But, she has been one of the most supportive and I don’t want to start crying. It’s an emotional day, guys. But, she’s just been one of the most supportive friends I could ever ask for. And so, here we go!
Ivette: Christa, when don’t you cry? I
Christa Innis: know! I was just telling someone, it was a joke at my wedding, that, like, in your speech, and Matt, who is Ivette’s husband, Both talked about how I cry all the time.
Yes. And it’s like not always sad stuff. It’s like happy stuff. It’s like I’m grateful listening to Taylor Swift, you know, whatever. but no, Ivette’s such a supportive friend. And so I knew that when this podcast was coming out that I wanted you to be a part of it. So, I’ll stop the tears. Ivette, if you want to do like a little intro of like who you are and then we’ll dive into this crazy, drama.
Ivette: yeah, so I’m Ivette. something fun about me, I don’t really, yeah, I guess, I just met Christa through my husband, who’s best friends with her husband, and it was kind of like a crazy journey because, I had like known, we’ve known each other, but we never really like hit it off. I think it was just, it wasn’t our time.
And then my husband and I were getting married. and Christa was just, again, so supportive, so kind. I think that when you always, like when anyone gets to know you, you always are so warm and welcoming and you always see people. that are like left out in the corner and again, I’m talking about you, right?
But, I’m just so grateful to be your friend. So if I were to introduce myself, I am your friend. I’m someone that has been cheering you on and that, has heard about this podcast. Probably like five years ago before it was even a thing before you even started any of it. so I’ve been hearing about, different titles and, different ways that you wanted to start this.
And yeah, I’m just so proud of you. and being a part of just one episode means a lot. So,
Christa Innis: well, I’m proud of you. I remember you’re talking about like your, wedding. And so at that point when Ivette was like planning her wedding, like, I think it was Matt. Matt might have still been living with us. I’m not even sure at that point, but no, at that point.
Ivette: You guys are like our wedding in the city or when we lived in the city. We lived in the city when we got married,
Christa Innis: right? Okay. Yes. Yeah. And, but I remember like asking, like, we were just talking about your wedding planning and stuff and we were not like super close friends. We were more like acquaintances.
We would see each other at things and we were obviously always friendly. But I remember specifically like asking you like, Oh, what are your, like, what are you doing for your wedding colors? what are your bridesmaids dress? Like just asking questions and then like. Before I knew it, like, I ended up just being, like, a part of your wedding stuff.
I wasn’t in the wedding, but, like, there the night before, like, we hung out, and, like, I just
Ivette: Yeah. And I always say like, you should have been a part of my wedding because you did so much for my wedding. Like, you just have that natural gift to like, want to help people or be there for people.
And looking back at it, like we were starting to be close friends at that point it felt like. And I feel like that brought us even closer together. but even that night, I just remember like, you should stay with all my bridesmaids. Like you’ve been a part of the process, just like be with me kind of thing. And so it was, yeah, really good to have you.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and then it was like we got closer and then when Zach and I started, when we got engaged, I was like, hands down, like, Ivette’s gonna be my maid of honor, or matron of honor, as I guess it’s technically called, but, okay. enough of Cause guys, we can like, Ivette and I could talk for hours and just like, keep going.
So I’ll kind of like forget that it’s being recorded. okay. Let’s jump in to, I always like to start with crazy stories and wedding hot takes. I know we were kind of talking about that before we started. So do you have any like crazy stories that come right off the bat and not to put you on the spot, kind of talk through some wedding hot takes as well.
Ivette: I don’t know if I, I honestly haven’t been, Like in as many weddings as you have, I feel like you were like 27 dresses kind of situation. Like you’ve had so many bridesmaids dresses. I haven’t had any like wild stories. I’ve had some fun bachelorette parties. but that’s really it. Nothing other than one too crazy. So,
Christa Innis: yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And I feel like too, it It seems like so long ago and we were like all in like, I feel like there was just wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding for a while and then there kind of been some pause and I’ve been like babies, you know, all that stuff.
So, okay, so let’s get into some hot takes. So these are hot takes that people sent in. And so let’s kind of react to them and see what we think. So the first one says couples should stick to a traditional guest list Or is it okay to make bold cuts for budget or personal reasons? So I share first. Sure. Yeah.
Wedding Guest List Dilemmas & Setting Boundaries
Ivette: here’s the thing. I come from a really, really big family and I am someone who’s been trying to break cycles and I think that family is a good thing when it’s people that reach out to you when it’s people that show that they care about you and want to engage with you and have been a process from the beginning, maybe even halfway.
But if it’s someone that feels entitled to be a part of your big day, just because. I’m like, cut them out. If it’s unhealthy, like, I don’t want you a part of it.there’s a part of me that wants to follow tradition. but also traditions can get us into trouble and can get us into cycles. And, unhealthy relationships. And I’m not about that. So.
Christa Innis: Yeah, just saying the yes just because they’re a family member or somehow related or they were your neighbor growing up. Like, we need to, I feel like, evaluate each relationship and how, not necessarily how they serve us, but how we’ve, like, served each other. It might be, like, both ends of it, because I feel like a lot of times when I share stories, people are like, Oh, well, that bride is, entitled. And it’s like, we have to look at it from both angles. Like, have they reached out to each other in the past couple of years? Or has that person ever asked about the bride’s life? Or, you know, that kind of thing. It’s, important.
Ivette: Yeah, and I even think, like, I didn’t have any kids at my wedding, unless it was, like, People that were in the party, like the brides, my bridesmaids or the groomsmen and it was like their kids, that kind of thing. That’s okay. But for me, it’s okay to be like, Hey, no kids, because I don’t want to be worried about kids at my wedding.
You know what I mean? I don’t want them to like take away. And that’s not to say that like, Oh, I’m being like a bridezilla, but it’s more like it’s my day. And I get to be there with all the people that I love. And I really want to like, enjoy that,
Christa Innis: yeah, I think kids is always like a really hot topic because everyone’s like really strongly opinionated and I was like to remind people that you can be as opinionated as you want for your own money, you know, because it’s not up to us to dictate how someone else does their own day or like what their relationship is like some people want it.
Every single person to bring all their kids and add 50 people to the guest list and other people are like, you know what? I’m gonna invite just like immediate family kids or you know, whatever. So that’s so important I think it would definitely I would say this to Zach I feel like it’d be a lot harder now like now getting married with like having so many close friends and their kids because Back when, like, I got married and you got married, like, a lot of us didn’t have kids yet.
And so it was a lot easier to be like, okay, like, we can make a cut here because, you know, there aren’t a lot yet. Yeah. I feel like this is like an obvious one, but do you think it’s okay for guests to wear white to a wedding?
Ivette: No.
Christa Innis: If the couple doesn’t explicitly say not to. No.
Ivette: No, like, you cannot wear white.
I think, I have sweet friends that are like, Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. But if I were a guest at their wedding and somebody else is wearing white, I’d be like, You need to go change. Like, go change. This is her day. That’s not okay. Yeah. that part of the tradition. I’m like, that needs to stay.
Christa Innis: yeah, unless it says this is a black and white tie affair or whatever, which even then, I think I would still pick a black dress.
Ivette: Absolutely. Like,
Christa Innis: I would just feel very, very odd to wear a white gown to someone else’s wedding. yeah, I feel like that’s one of those things where I feel like if you are wearing a white dress to someone’s wedding, you know what you’re doing.
Ivette: You want the attention on you.
Christa Innis: Yeah, you can’t claim ignorance. During the pot. Yeah. Okay. Jumping into a fun segment. Pick a side wedding drama debates. Okay. So these are a couple of things that people also have shared on Instagram. we’re going to kind of call unpopular opinions, but sometimes I read them and I’m like, I agree with you.
Okay. If a parent helps pay for the wedding, they don’t have as much say because it still is not their wedding. I agree.
Ivette: you don’t have to pay for the wedding, like that, you’re gifting that, so I think it’s their wedding, you gift it, it’s not like I’m gonna gift you a t shirt and I’m gonna say like, this is where you can wear it, you can’t wear it here, you can only wear it with these people, so I look at it the same way, it’s a gift and that’s it, and they can spend it how they’d like.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that is a great point about a t shirt. I tried sharing a similar analogy like that online one time and I would say like half people got half in it because I think people are so stuck on. Well, if I’m giving that much money, I better like be there making decision. It’s like you can be involved as much as a bride and groom wants, but you cannot go over their head or have strings attached to every little thing for sure. this can be like kind of a hot take. People are more worried about the party than what it means to get married and have a marriage.
Ivette: Unfortunately, I’m going to say yeah, like I tried really hard for my wedding to vocalize it and in my speech, I really wanted to make it a point like, hey, thank you all for being here, because this is the start of our marriage. And you guys are here, not to party with us yes it was a party, but like to witness this, and the people in our wedding party, including you. I feel like I’ve been invited to be a part of my marriage and like support us when we’re struggling, when we’re having a good time to like celebrate the highs and like hold us in the lows.
And so I think unfortunately, from a larger perspective, it is all about the party and like following the trends and like showing, I don’t know, just like having the most beautiful wedding and the most beautiful dress, but I have been so encouraged. I’ve been with. My really good friends who are, are not, all like that. They’re not like that. And it’s really, they’re laid back and they’re just so happy to be married to the love of their life, and I think that’s what it really needs to be about.
Christa Innis: yeah, I think it’s a really good indication, like, when we see lot of the celebrity weddings, and they spend, like, sometimes a million.
I think I just saw, like, Kim Kardashian spent, like, 11 million at the wedding with, like, Chris Humphrey? I’m not very For some for you. Attuned to those things. Yeah. Okay. So you’re more Taylor Swift. I’m more Taylor Swift. Yeah. Taylor Swift. but yeah, so they spent like 11 million and people think like, Oh, it’s this amazing wedding.
They put all this money in, but it didn’t last long. And so I think people need to remember like, yes, it’s a great time to celebrate with friends and family, but, we should be worried, not worried, but like more focused on is what’s to come. What’s down the line. Because if it’s all about show and, the big day, then we’re kind of losing that a little bit.
Ivette: Yeah, I agree 100%.
The Mother-in-Law Wedding Disaster
Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, so I want to jump in because I know we don’t have a ton of time. So I want to jump in and read, this week’s story. so we’ll just kind of read it and then we’ll react as it goes. she says, or they say, because I don’t know what it is. Okay. Hi, I’ll try to make it shorter, but there is a lot of drama. My mother in law and sister in law showed up late to my wedding, missing most of the pictures, only taking ones with my husband. My sister in law brought her dog to the wedding, not a service animal, and inside the church. Late on the pews and in the reception hall around the food, there was a minor issue with the food being put out by the church attendants that turned into the little old church ladies yelling at my mom and making her cry.
All she was going to do was get the food out for my guests. Okay, already we’re off to a rough start. Yikes.
Ivette: Yikes.
Christa Innis: my mother in law witnessed this and tried apologizing to the church ladies, telling them their family is trash and I wish my son never married her. Oh, that’s bad. That is bad. My sister walked in on the convo and my mother in law stuck her finger into my sister’s chest saying, you’re the worst of them.
I can’t let this happen at someone’s wedding. We then had to kick my mother in law out of the wedding. After yelling at multiple people, she stayed outside the event, throwing a fit, and telling anyone who listened to her that we were terrible people. She somehow got back into the wedding reception as the mother and son dance was announced. Why, I would be like running to the DJ being like, we’re not doing that dance anymore.
Ivette: Like, yeah, no, you’re out. I just want to know like what the husband did. Like, what did he do?
Christa Innis: That’s my thought. I feel like so many times in these stories, like, The bride submits it to me or like someone in the wedding party.
And we don’t hear anything about what the groom was doing or like where he was. But I feel like that should be the like, not tiebreaker, but the person being like, okay. We need you to calm down, mom.
Ivette: Yeah, like, where is he, what is he doing to support his new wife? Like, the red flags, red flags already.
Christa Innis: Like, come on. Yes, especially like this mother and son dance. Why is that still happening if she was kicked out? Yeah. She must, I feel like she like, went and was like, ready for it somehow. Like, went in back door.let’s see. It says, my husband did the dance with her. But all of the pictures show my husband’s mad face with her. So, okay, so he was mad, but he still did this dance with her.
Ivette: It’s so hard. Like, okay, it’s hard because, okay, I put myself in his shoes. It’s like, am I going to regret not having the dance with my mother? Okay. Like I get that. But also like his mom just made his life so complicated because now he has to like, in a sense, choose between his.
New family, his family now, his wife, his family and his mother and that you as a parent, you shouldn’t want to do that for your son, yeah, I feel like, okay, maybe you aren’t,like happy with this choice. And maybe it’s not like your first choice, but that’s on him and for you to do that and like ruin their wedding if my mother in law did that to me, I. Would not be talking to her and my husband supported her or like didn’t stand up for me and my family That would be very concerning.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and it’s an odd thing where you do hear a lot It happens more with Boy moms, where it’s like my son, like you’re taking my son away from me and it seems very dramatic and a lot of the skits I do but so many comments are like this happened to me, this was my reality until we cut her off or something like that and I’m like I can’t even imagine because like I have an amazing mother in law too, it’s like I could never imagine her treating me that way and but when you hear these stories you’re like what is it that makes them so cool.
I don’t know. Is it a jealousy thing? Is it like losing time with their son? getting older. They’re going to miss out. but ultimately they’re just pushing their son further away. Absolutely. I don’t
Ivette: know what it is. Like I only have girls, like, I can’t picture what it would be like to be a boy mom and then have to like let go of my son.
I feel like, I would want to do like girl talk with my daughter in law and like, Do girl stuff with her. So it’s just, strange to me to think.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I don’t know. Yeah, that’s, my thought too. And it’s like, growing your family or adding into your family.
I feel like to some of the stories that I read, it’s like they have these high expectations of who their future daughter in law should be. So if they don’t fit this picture perfect idea of what they envisioned or who they envisioned their son with, they’re going to find something wrong with them. Maybe they’re really close to their mom and, you know, they don’t like the connection or the relationship they see, then there might be, some issue there, but I don’t know.
Ivette: I also, think you, I think this might be what you’re getting at, or you mentioned it before. It’s like, they’re stealing him away, or like, Now all the maybe they spent a lot of time together or something like that Is that we were trying to get out and now it’s like no now, it’s like, okay now she’s a new priority And definitely jealousy.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy I also can’t imagine being left with so many like terrible memories of your wedding being like looking at pictures and being like oh, I remember when this happened like this is terrible like I was like to remind people is like We read these crazy stories that happen, but most of the time.
Drama does not happen, like I said, at weddings, and most of the time you won’t even know if they do happen. but when they do happen like this, people talk about them and share them because they’re like, this is outrageous. So, and not, like, not to scare people away. okay, it ends with, she then left.
Two days later, we met up at a restaurant To talk where she freaked out calling me a drunk B word because I walked around with a bottle of wine for other people and then she stormed out of the restaurant to make matters worse. Our wedding paperwork was not stamped by the county, so we were not legally married until two weeks after this, and then we had to go back and do it again with just a small group. Wait, I thought you have to then do it again.
Ivette: Well, you have like a certain amount of time to like sign the paperwork because If I remember correctly, like they give, like whenever they perform marriage ceremony, you’re not, always like signing the paperwork, right. You’re not actually getting married.
And so a lot of people like, don’t realize that I’m like, oh, we’re not actually married. So if you don’t do it. Maybe it’s like 48 or 24. I’m not sure this is wrong. by a certain time, you’re not legally married. So then, yeah, you would have to do it again. So couldn’t they have just gone to the courthouse and signed it though? They could have. I’m just, maybe they wanted, their family members to be there.
Christa Innis: Interesting. Yeah, that’s like, that is interesting because I just heard, no, where was it? I saw a video of a girl talking about they were supposed to like do all the paperwork for like their wedding coming up and their husband didn’t file the paperwork so they couldn’t get their marriage license.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, like that was something my reverend, I want to say my reverend was like, really like adamant. She’s like, don’t forget to do this. Like you need to do this this weekend. She sent me like a timeline because other than otherwise I would not have known to do that. Like,
Ivette: I mean, I didn’t even know you had to get a marriage license.
And then when you got it, I also didn’t know that it’s only good for a certain amount of time. And I didn’t know that it was like for specific County, which is crazy. Like, I didn’t know any of this. You know, I’ve never been married before. And then, did you know that some people have to get, like, their blood work done? Or, like, yeah, they have to make sure, like, for smaller towns. They used to do this, here in Illinois. They had to make sure that you weren’t somehow related, to each other. So you had to go to, like, a doctor. Improve. Yes. we should look that up. We should look that up.
Christa Innis: We should look that up. I’m gonna look that up.
Wait, I literally just started Googling, did you have to get a blood test? And I literally just had to get married. See, it goes. No, you don’t wait. Most no longer require it. But in the late eight nineteen thirties states began revolting blood tests
Ivette: for
Christa Innis: syphilis to
Ivette: show that applicants were not contagious.
Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was what they weren’t. Okay,
Christa Innis: but certain states it was with like within the last 25 years, they stopped doing it. So some probably kept it longer. Maybe that’s because there was like such an issue. Like people find out years later, like, Oh, actually married my cousin or something. The
Ivette: real, yeah. reason why I know is because my mother in law was telling me when we were getting married, she’s like, Oh, you’re lucky.
You don’t have to like get all the blood work done. I was like, what are you talking about? So yeah, that’s what I found out. So she had to do it when she
Christa Innis: had to do
Ivette: it.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And she probably got married in what the eighties. Yes. So that’s not that long ago. Yeah. No. Well, I guess the eighties are going on 40 years ago.
Wait, is that 40 years ago? That’s over years ago. Yes.
Ivette: I see. I think it’s the eighties, like 20 years ago.
Breaking Wedding Traditions: When Family Won’t Let Go
Christa Innis: Me too. I’m just a baby. I’m like a teenager still. I know. I know. I know. I know. Like what? that would be something actually kind of cool to look at for like future episodes to see like traditions that have changed because that’s the thing too.
I think people are so stuck on traditions when it comes to weddings. And we need to remember, like, times have changed. Like, people get offended when I post about people having private vows. They’re like, well, why even have a wedding? And it’s like, everyone has their own reasons for wanting to do things differently.
Or one girl was posting saying her family told her that her wedding didn’t count because she didn’t want to walk down the aisle by herself. So her husband actually grabbed her at the beginning and they walked together like kind of you and yeah And she was like my whole family said it wasn’t me actually getting married because it wasn’t traditional But I feel like you like let go of some of those traditions I think traditions are beautiful but we also need to look at them and be like does this make sense for me or am I comfortable with this and understand that times have changed.
Ivette: Yeah, that makes so much sense. my grandfather, he passed away now, but, I remember my mom telling me after I got married, she’s like, your grandpa was like, what is this? Like, why aren’t we at a church? My family’s Roman Catholic. And they’re really big into Catholicism. I’m not Catholic. And so I still had, different aspects or different.
part of like religion and at my wedding, but I didn’t want to add a big church because it didn’t feel right to me and my heart was like, you guys aren’t even like married because you guys aren’t married before God. I was like, okay.
Christa Innis: Yeah. And it’s like some of those things you just have to like take and just like, let it roll off your back.
It’s like one of those, it’s not worth. Explaining. But yeah, I remember that, too, growing up, in the Catholic Church. It was like, it only, counts here, but it’s like, there’s so many different ways of doing it. And actually, and this is something I haven’t really fully looked into, but the Reverend at my wedding, she does, like, multiple, denominations of, like, Christian weddings or even, like, non Christian weddings.
And, my friend who still practices Catholicism, she did their wedding. But I wonder if that’s even like recognized by the Catholic Church because it’s not a priest. But I don’t know. I haven’t looked into that. So,
Ivette: which is interesting because then like moving on into your life, like if you want to have.
Like kids or have them, like do the first communion or not to get into religion, but then it’s like, wait, were you married in the church? You know what I mean? It’s very interesting.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different. Little things to consider, but yeah, these stories just never, never seemed to shock me. I just feel like, I don’t know.
So I know we don’t have much time I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but I want to end it with our weekly confessions game. I’m still kind of figuring out how I’m like going to do this, but like people are sending me their confessions and I was having people rate it, but I don’t know if that really makes sense.
So we’re just going to read them. Okay. And react to like, your thoughts on it. This person said my bridesmaid from another state didn’t even bother to show up to anything. Just the wedding. Okay.
The MIA Bridesmaid: Flaky or Just Setting Boundaries?
So when I read that. I have like a more questions and it’s not like in a judgmental way, I was one time I had questions for the bride and everyone’s like, don’t judge her. But I was like, I’m just wondering, like, the bridesmaid say she was coming to these things and then just not show up?
Or when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was like, I’ll let you know if I can make it to certain things. Like maybe she has kids or she has got multiple jobs and then just couldn’t come to a bachelorette party or couldn’t come to a shower And I think you were the same way, but like, when it came to my wedding, I told my bridesmaids, I was like, you know what, like, here’s the dresses, like pick your style.
If you can’t come to the shower, it’s okay. If you can’t come to the bachelorette party, it’s okay. In fact, I had two people not come to the bachelorette party and I think someone couldn’t make it to the shower. But to me, that wasn’t like high priority. It was like, you know what? I want you by my side at the wedding day.
So I don’t know what your takes are on that. I agree.
Ivette: I agree a hundred percent. Like I said, the other stuff is kind of like the fluff, right? Like, yes, you want them to be a part of like the journey and stuff, but they’ve been a part of your journey. Like that’s why they’re a part of your party, your wedding party.
and actually in my wedding, same thing. I had somebody come just for the wedding. And then they left and I didn’t even see them. I didn’t get to spend much time with them, but it meant so much to me that she would even like agree to be a part, of it and be a witness. To like my story with my husband.
So yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I think that goes back to communication is so important when you’re a bride and you’re expecting things of other people. There’s gonna be brides that like want things like this and like everyone must be in attendance where these kind of outfits and I’ve never been a part of a wedding like that.
I’ve just heard of them. so I think it’s good to be upfront and clear if you want something like that. Now, if it’s the bridesmaid saying she’s gonna come to all these things and then just bails last minute, then yeah, that’s a problem on the bridesmaid, because that’s just kind of a flaky person.
Ivette: I have a problem with like people saying that they’re gonna come and like be there. And yeah, they come, but they’re not present. I don’t know how to, like, explain that in a better way. that’s just
Christa Innis: hard
Ivette: for me.
Christa Innis: More like they’re checking a box and not actually, like Yes. A part of it.
Yes, that’s hard. Like if you were to invite someone and they were on their phone the whole time. Or sitting in the corner, not actually engaging. Yes. Yeah, then you’re like, why did you even You’re just a body right now. Right, . right. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. okay. Anytime I post about my wedding, I purposely don’t include photos of my mother in law.
Is this next confession?
Ivette: Okay.I don’t really know what to say. Okay. I feel like obviously there isn’t a good relationship with your mother in law. are you doing this on purpose because you know that your mother in law is going to see the post and not see herself? Like, are you doing this out of malice or, are you doing it because she hurt you?
And also I want to know, like, what do you bring to the table? Because, relationships are a two way street. So, like, is this just on her? It could be. But do you have faults in it? It could also be.
Christa Innis: Yeah, and I want to say too, like, I’ve seen on the other side, like, a friend of mine, I’m not going to give too many details because I know she’s probably listening, and I don’t want to, like, give it away, but, she had, like, kind of, like, I wouldn’t say terrible relationship with her mother in law, it was just kind of, like, they butted heads here and there, and they just did not agree on a lot of stuff, and one day she, like, looked inside herself, And then they like, they literally like had conversations and I asked her recently and she’s like, things are amazing.
Things are great. And I think sometimes we like, hold on me. No, we love no, yeah, definitely not you. but She was like, things are so great, and like, she’s like, it was just like a communication thing, and I think it’s also we put our own guards up, like if, or if we see one thing that’s kind of like, weird, then we kind of are like, I don’t know, then constantly have a guard up, or like little things that irk us, but she’s like, no, things have been amazing, and so like, I think there’s always a chance, but.
Oh,
Ivette: that’s good, yeah.
Christa Innis: But this definitely says there’s some kind of animosity between the two of them, for sure. Yeah. okay, last one before we’ll close off. I know you gotta head out. okay, sister in law called off wedding planning to elope, told us to bring food to share at a potluck reception.
I feel like I have more questions, too. only get so much. But, was there a date set and we were gonna do this whole wedding and then she was like, Hey. We’re actually just going to elope, bring some food and that’s it.
Ivette: I want to know like how much in advance, like, what was the notice like?
Like, did everyone already have their rides made, dresses, or you know what I mean? Like, did everyone have all the stuff, all the foo foo, or like paper, hair and makeup already? Cause I think that would be upsetting to me, like knowing that I’ve invested so much. but also. Like, if that’s what you want to do, like, good for you, like, that sounds fun.
And if, I support that if you’re doing it in a way that’s being respectful to the people that are in your wedding.
Christa Innis: Absolutely. Like if you started playing and you’re like, this is too much for me, let’s elope. That seems more my style. Do you grow? Like I’m all about that because so many people regret their wedding.
I think when they don’t do what is true to them and their spouse. whether it’s they went big and they wanted to go small or they went small and they wanted to go big. There’s so many opinions. So just like tune it all out and do what works for you. well, I want to thank you so much for coming on.
I feel, I feel so weird being like formal with you because like not how we talk. But I try to like be like as loosey goosey as possible. But I know we didn’t really get too much into like you personally and what you personally do. But is there anything like I don’t know, cool or funny you want to share that you’re working on, or like a little bit more about you and then, I don’t
Ivette: know.
Yeah,
Christa Innis: I mean
Ivette: for me, I’m all about working with people and mental health. So I just encourage couples that like want to get married to be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, like set yourself up for success and ask really hard questions now because you don’t want to go into marriage and have to ask yourself these questions. your first year, second year, you don’t go to university without first having read the reviews and learning about the programs. You don’t get a job without understanding the salary with the hours of life. And this is like the biggest decision of your life. So, prepare, get ready for the test.
You know, you should be studying, you should be learning each other. and yeah, that’s, really my encouragement. And then another thing that I want to say is if you’re pointing your finger at your partner, Look in the mirror first, right? Like, let’s see what we can offer. Let’s see, maybe areas that we can work on.
And so, yeah, I’m all about mental health and making our relationship work, but in reality, we can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So.
Christa Innis: I need like wise words from Ivette like probably like every week because there’s so many times and I was just saying this to Ivette before we like caught on I feel like there’s always some kind of like mental break I’m having whenever I like we’re like getting together and I’m like panicking over something and I’m like why does this always happen and she’s like I’m your safe space
Ivette: and I’m like I’m safe.
People come to me because you know what, if you tell me like your lowest, I’m going to up you and tell you something lower about myself to make you feel good about yourself and make you see that, we’re all human. We can all grow.
Christa Innis: Yeah. we’re going to work on a regular segment guys.
Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you’re,busy woman. You’re a mom of two. So are you. You’re in school, you’re working, you’re doing your thing. I’m so proud of you and, Thanks so much. Yeah, of course.