Wedding vendor advice

A $16K Scam, a Shocking Threat, & Knowing Your Limits - with Kendra Matthies

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

They cried. They complained. They blamed everyone else. And then the check bounced.

This week’s wedding submission spirals into accusations, threats, and a bounced $16K check that leaves vendors stunned. Joined by Kendra Matthies, Christa dissects the chaos, calling out toxic wedding norms, contract misunderstandings, and entitlement disguised as innocence.

Then we dive into wedding confessions: maid of honor regrets, guest list battles, and the quiet urge to just elope. Buckle up, this one is totally WILD!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Step Back to Protect Health – The burnout no one talks about, and how constant entitlement can push vendors to their breaking point.
The $16K Wedding Scam – A venue hosts a full wedding… then the final check bounces and chaos erupts.
Cake on the Floor, Tears in the Room – Accusations fly after a cake mishap sparks emotional manipulation and blame.
“We Know the Owner” Energy – Why entitlement shows up loudest at weddings and small businesses feel it hardest.
Pastor Threats & Legal Pressure – A shocking twist involving church leadership and intimidation tactics.
Vendor Survival Tips – Kendra breaks down contracts, deposits, and protecting your business.
Elopement Temptation – Skipping the drama and choosing peace over performance.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My wedding is important to me, but I don’t expect it to be the most important thing in everyone else’s life.” – Christa Innis
“I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or not enough of a wife or a friend.” – Christa Innis
“Contracts exist because of people like this.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding was literally built on a lie.” – Christa Innis
“People love boundaries until they apply to them.” – Christa Innis
“At some point, this stops being ignorance and starts being entitlement.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to have a chronic illness to need to know your limits.” – Kendra Matthies
“Give an inch, they take a mile, every single time.” – Kendra Matthies
“If you signed the contract, that’s on you. Don’t blindly sign, consult.” – Kendra Matthies
“As a business owner, your pricing should protect you, not depend on tips.” – Kendra Matthies
“Stop expecting discounts from people you barely know.” – Kendra Matthies
“It is never worth it to put yourself in debt for a wedding.” – Kendra Matthies
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, and we’re not awake for all of them.” – Kendra Matthies

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a Michigan‑based bridal makeup artist, licensed esthetician, beauty educator, and social creator with over a million fans across social platforms. She’s built her career helping hundreds of brides glow on their big day and teaching other artists how to thrive in the beauty world, with real talk about technique, clients, and the sometimes brutal backstage truth of weddings and events.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Kendra.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, how’s it going?

Christa Innis: Good. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Kendra Matthies: It’s so great to be back. It does not feel like it’s been like what, a year since we filmed our last episode together, so I’m so excited. It’s been so cool to see how your podcast has grown.

I’ve loved watching everybody’s little interviews and everything. It’s been really entertaining, so it’s super cool to be back again.

Christa Innis: I know. I, I think the fun thing about it is just being able to connect to so many people. Like, I feel like if it weren’t for this podcast, like we would never have had like a sit down to like, talk like this or, yeah, it’s, it just makes it so fun and like forces me outta my shell too, because like, I feel like working from home, like I just like, I just have like a plan of like what I do and like a lot of times I don’t see a lot of people, so it’s a great, great way to connect.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, I won’t lie. This is the first time I’ve worn makeup in like a month beyond just like tinted SPF and some freaking mascara. I’m like, well, I better put on a face today because I’m filming an episode. So thank you for giving me a reason to get dolled up. Hey,

Christa Innis: anytime. No, you feel like people expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, like, oh, they expect me to have full face.

Kendra Matthies: So, yes, and I will say that it’s, if I’m doing makeup clients, I do try to put like a little bit more makeup on, but my day to day, I’m an esthetician. So I mean, my day to day is more like facial clients, eyebrows, lashes, things like that. And I feel like most of my clients are more regulars now where they’re coming every six to eight weeks, and I don’t think that they really care that I’m just wearing some tinted moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup clients, I think that it does. One, there is that level of professionalism. I feel, and this can be heavily debated too, like some people feel you don’t have to wear makeup as a professional makeup artist while you are doing work. But for me, I find that the very few times that I haven’t done that, I get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense, where it’s like, um, are you sure you’re gonna be able to do this? So I think being able to be like, I do know how to do makeup. Right. It’s a little bit more comforting to the person. Yeah. And a little bit more encouraging. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s probably, yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you’re hiring for someone for hair or for nails, you are looking at their hand and nails. Although I feel like whenever I get my nails done, like they’re probably just like so busy that like they are more worried about their client and less about their own. Yeah. Which makes sense for sure. So, so like we said, it’s been like a year since you’ve been on, so what’s like.

What’s been new for you? What have you kind of done over the last year that you’re like, I know you’ve been speaking at events I’ve been seeing and Yes. What’s kind of your big thing you’re working on or did the last year? So

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

Kendra Matthies: in the past year, it was a lot of traveling. I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch of different conferences. I taught a lot at different conferences around the country. Um, I did my first kind of like independent class where it wasn’t in relation to any of those, and that was really exciting. Um, but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim. I got to go to Orlando, Chicago, Denver, uh, yeah, kind of all over.

Christa Innis: Is it, is it all like. Students that go to your classes or can like anyone go to

Kendra Matthies: your class? So it is typically for the conferences and stuff, those are beauty professionals only. Okay. But people who are in cosmetology school, esthetician school, anything like that they can come to. But these ones, it is more of like just for the industry, but they’re very, very packed.

Um, so it’s definitely not like I’m feeling like I’m missing out on seeing a lot of people, which is really cool too. It definitely feels like I’m still offering a good amount of education. But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals when it comes to those types of things. I would love to do more open to the public type of classes.

Um, it’s just trying to find the time between bridal season to make that happen. Um. But yeah, so it definitely got to meet a lot of the beauty, uh, students, makeup artists, cosmetologists, hairstylists, barbers, all the things. Yeah. Uh, that follow me in person. So that was really nice. And I love doing these events.

Um, like the one that happens in Chicago. I’ve done that for, I think this is my fourth year being with them teaching. Um, and so it’s been cool to just see the growth of myself, but also when people come back and they’re taking my classes again, and now they’re telling me, you know, I, when I first came, I was still a student and now I own my own makeup studio, or I own my own salon, or I’ve been at a salon for however many years and I’m getting steady clientele.

Like, it’s just been really cool to do that. So that has been a big thing travel wise. And then just weddings. I mean, I was pretty busy this year. I did make the decision to. Kind of step back from taking every wedding. And mostly because I one was doing so much other traveling with teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability to do that, even though I did still have where I would be leaving a wedding to jump on a flight to go teach at these places. Right. Um, but I did take a step back typically in a year. You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to 60 ish weddings, but I just, that’s wild.

It’s a lot. And I made the decision last year to step back and I wanted to take only about 30 weddings just to give myself a little bit more time. Um, which I think was really smart. Uh, not just for me, but it let me learn a lot about myself and, uh. I think it was the really healthy thing for me to do and I think that it’s gonna be a good thing that I learned those things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man, like yeah, it’s so easy to get locked into the go, go, go. And once you do, take that step back, it’s like, whoa. I don’t, I guess I have been like in fight or flight for the past eight years because I’ve just been doing so many weddings. So I did make that decision. That’s something I’m moving forward with, um, in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too. I want to do more teaching this year. But yeah, so weddings last year I got to do my first couple, um, further out of state weddings, which was exciting. I got to go to New York to do a wedding. Um, so yeah, just lots. Travel was kind of the theme of last year. Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a really like common thing I hear, like, whether it’s like wedding industry or just like starting your own business. It’s like. It’s really exciting, like when your business grows and you just wanna say yes to everybody. And I’ve like, I feel like I’ve had so many conversations with people, they’re like, all of a sudden it just like hit me like I’m burned out.

I can’t say yes to everybody. I was talking to a wedding planner, I’m trying to think of what month it was, maybe like a month or two ago. A friend of mine and she was like, similar thing. Like she was like, I’m finally like toning it back, back with weddings a little bit because she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in that like wedding season. And she like, it’s just exhausting. But you’re just like, go, go, go. And you’re like, this is exciting, it’s fun. But then you realize like, I don’t have time to myself or like my body hurts. I’m actually like. Well, and

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Kendra Matthies: that’s the thing too. That’s something I really had to be mindful of.

I think I’ve shared this before, but I am somebody that I do struggle with chronic illnesses and I am physically disabled. I have my hip replaced. So I mean, I do feel like as I’m getting older, I do need to also be mindful of myself. Mm-hmm. Because there were times in recent years before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding. And actually, here’s a good little story for me to tell. I guess I had a wedding where it was at a hotel and I had a pretty decently long day on average. Nowadays, the most I will take alone to do makeup is probably about seven, maybe eight people, but probably closer to seven.

I don’t like to go over that too much because it’s just, that’s a lot of standing without being able to take a drink of water or go to the bathroom, things like that. Um, so I had, I wanna say around about eight people and I got done with the wedding. I had been there from like, I wanna say five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay. 12, one o’clock. Sorry. Math is not my strong suit at this moment. That’s okay. So let’s say I got done around like one, um, and I say goodbye to everybody. Everybody’s happy, everything’s awesome, and I knew I was not feeling well. Um, so one of the conditions I have, it’s called pots, which you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. For those who are listening who don’t know what that is. And in very, very, very basic terms, when I am standing, my heart rate is elevated. When I am in the heat, it gets elevated even more. That’s a trigger for me. Um, high stress situations can cause me to get like even worse.

So I get done with the, uh, wedding, take the elevator downstairs, uh, go out to my car and I put my stuff in my car. Sit down. I leaned back and I closed my eyes and I actually passed out. I didn’t realize that I did. Oh my gosh. But it was probably about, I would say, somewhere between like five to eight minutes before I like opened my eyes again.

And that’s when I realized that I needed to start calming down. I needed to start taking less weddings. So after that wedding that was, I wanna say in 24, leading into 25, I decided I just needed to really skill back. So I think that if it wouldn’t have been for something like that happening, I probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don’t have to have a chronic illness. You don’t have to be physically disabled, you don’t have to be anything to I. Need to know your limits, to need to know what your end goal really is. Do you want to constantly be in a state of stress with like panic all the time of planning or, um, you know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn’t be your life. Like, yeah, you should be able to have somewhat of a balance. And I did see somebody post something recently, like, does anyone know when I actually reach this work life balance? Like, is that even a thing? And I think that there’s no real set template of this is what works, this is what doesn’t work.

You kind of just have to figure it out as you go. And that’s kind of what I’ve had to do is just realize once I hit my limit, scale back until it feels. Comfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s so funny you say that because I, I just made a video talking about, I don’t know if it was necess, I might have been kind of like implying work-life balance, but I did say something about like, one of the things I’m struggling with is trying to find balance.

’cause I feel like mm-hmm. The planner part in me always wants things to be like this. And when I’m not productive I get so hard on myself. And so I’ll have like days where I’m like, everything’s like done, that I need to, I check the boxes. And the other days where I’m just not productive and I’m just like, where’s this balance?

Or like, I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or I’m not enough of a wife or a friend. You know, that pull of like needing to do all these things. So I totally relate.

Kendra Matthies: I think that one thing that I heard in my life. From just a friend of mine, and I don’t even think she was trying to be any sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking. She said that if I’m ever over excelling in one portion of my life, I’m failing in another. Mm-hmm. And that has really stuck with me. And I don’t think that that’s negative, like necessarily a negative thing. I think that if you think of your life as right now, I want to be really excelling in my career, you have to also understand that that does equate that maybe you’re.

Weekends are a little bit less, your friend time is gonna be a little bit less, and it’s not ever to me that things will ever be 50 50 balance. I think that if you want to be excelling in one way, you have to give up a couple of things for it to be balanced so that you’re not trying to keep up with the friendships every single weekend we’re going out.

It’s just not possible. And then you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself when at the end of the day, especially in this type of career, when your own, you are your own boss, you’re setting your own goals and aspirations and things like that. The only person who is holding you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on yourself with things like that, you’re never gonna feel balanced. You’re never gonna feel like you’re accomplishing enough and you’re never gonna feel like you. You’ve done it, you’ve ne you’re never gonna feel comfortable. You’re never gonna feel stable. You’re always gonna be reaching for more or wanting to do more.

And it’s not bad to have goals and have aspirations, but you can’t, you can’t stress to yourself out to the point that you are holding yourself to not possible standards like it, it physically can’t happen. There’s 24 hours in a day. People love to say that. Mm-hmm. We’re not awake and going for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a person, whether you are just a person, person, whether you’re a business owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist, whatever, the balance doesn’t come 50 50. It’s how can I rearrange things in my life to feel like what I’m wanting to focus on right now? Is what I’m focusing on and I’m not stressing about trying to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm. I hope that makes sense.

Christa Innis: No, it totally does. No, I love that because it’s kinda like different seasons require different balances and different priorities. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, you made a good point. It was like last year was my first full year, I would say, as an entrepreneur. I started in 2023 of my own business, but last year with like the social media consulting and all that stuff.

And so I think I put like so much effort in it, but it was also my daughter’s second year of life. She’s like, I’m trying to think of like how the year’s worth Yeah. Versus birthdays so second year of life. So I’m like, oh, it’s such an important stage. And then there’s the mom guilt and so you like push it back and forth.

But I’m like, I also have the benefit of being home with her. So I do get to be home with her more than I think most working moms get to. So I kind have to remember like that’s, that’s a something that I get that, or what’s the word I’m looking for? That’s a. A privilege or an like, something that I have that not a lot of people are able to do.

So, um, so, you know, just kind of realizing those things and, and stepping outside of it is like, is important. So yeah. I feel like that was like a mini therapy session. Thank you.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. You’re welcome. Most of that comes to you via my therapist. Thank you Theresa. We love you. Thank you. Yes.

Christa Innis: I always hear things like that.

I’m like, maybe I should go back to therapy. I’m like, just so I have someone like talk to you about things like that. ’cause it’s like, no,

Kendra Matthies: I think everybody needs a therapist. I think everybody should go to therapy. Even if you don’t feel like you are struggling with something right now. Even if it’s not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean? I don’t think that, I don’t think that you will ever not benefit from having somebody to talk to that’s not biased, that can help you work through situations. Even if it’s just that you’re going through a hard time at work or. Kind of what we’re talking about. Like maybe you are struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn’t say when you’re struggling with those things, most people in your life are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy. Right. But I do think that if you are in therapy while you’re going through those things in your life, you’re gonna benefit from it. You’re never gonna be like, why did I even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always benefit from therapy. Oh,

Christa Innis: for sure. Yeah. I think it’s like one of those things where it’s just good to sometimes like say it out loud. Yeah. Because I even like the people that submit stories to me too, like these like wedding drama stories or relationship things. They, they always tell me at the end, or should say like a lot of times at the end they’re like, even if you don’t use this, it was really good for me just to like type it out.

’cause they’re like, it allowed me to like see what happened and understand how I feel about it. ’cause I think so many times, like we’re talking about is like, go, go, go. What the heck just happened? Oh, well next problem. You know, you kind of just push it aside. So I think it’s absolutely so beneficial. And I think therapy too is way less stigmatized than it was like when we were like children maybe.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely gone to therapy multiple times in my life at like different points where like stress was super high or something was going on. But it’s funny, I’ve told someone this also in this one before, probably not on the podcast, but um, the last therapist I had, um, I loved her. She was great, but she like dismissed me at the end.

She’s like, all right, I think we solved the problem. We’re gonna be done now. And then, like she just said, I was done. And I remember telling my boss at the time, ’cause he’s really like, open about therapy and mental health. Yeah. It’s like, oh, I’ve never had that happen before. And I was like, I, that I’ve never had that happen to me either.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I’ve, I’ve gone to therapy for the past. I wanna say that I started therapy in 2020 and I’ve been seeing the same therapist since then. And I’ve taken breaks, you know, when. I got off my parents’ insurance or whatever and I, well I can’t afford it right now. I gotta pay for that. Um, yeah. And then gotten back on with her and yeah, there’s never been a time even when I felt like I was doing well and the therapy was more of just like a moment for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Um. Where she’s been like, alright, great. The only thing I would say that she ever says is, do you feel like we still need to meet monthly? Or would you wanna maybe push it out to two months? That makes sense to me. But to be like, well, we solved the problem. I don’t think that therapy always needs to be, and I’m not saying that it’s never this way, but I don’t think that it always needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life. Things keep happening. Who’s to say that She didn’t say? Um, you know, we solved the problem. That’s it. And then a week later you have some major tragedy happen in your life and you have nobody to talk to.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I mean, you have friends, you have family, but you don’t have an unbiased person who knows how you think, knows how you processes things.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of odd. I’m sorry you

Christa Innis: had that experience. Oh yeah. It was so odd. I was just like, at the time I was like, oh, cool. And then later I was like, wait, is that supposed to happen? I don’t know. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe I need therapy to talk about that therapy.

Kendra Matthies: You’re like, actually,

Christa Innis: actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

Um, oh, there’s no topic. Whatever. We’re, we’re talking

Kendra Matthies: we’re yapping. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Back to pause really quick. I just have a quick question about that. So like, yeah, what was your first, like symptoms you just noticed like your heart rate would kind of increase

Kendra Matthies: a long time? So I have a little bit of an odd story kind of when it comes to my health in general.

Um, so I have always really struggled with, like, exercise was always really difficult for me and not in the sense of like, I don’t wanna do it, but it would be like, I don’t want to do it as a child and like I’m running, playing basketball and I’m great at sports and I’m awesome at like these things at a young age, but.

I’m having to like ask to get taken out to take a break and I’m like beat red and blood pooling in my legs and all that. Yeah. I really noticed it amping up after I had my hip replaced. Um, and I’ve, POTS is one of a few things that I deal with, but I mean, I was on, or not even my hip replace, I have had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental one to see if we could kind of push off the replacement so that I wouldn’t have to get multiple throughout my life. Um, but it only gave me like four-ish years of relief. Yeah. Um, so after that surgery I was still on the crutches from that surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing. I was at work. I’m gonna pause for a second ’cause my neighbor’s coming downstairs. No, you’re good. We’ll edit this out. Yeah.

Okay. So, um,

okay. So I had had my first hip surgery and I actually passed out at work, like smacked my head off of a counter. It was a whole thing. Paramedics had to come. It was not great. Um, but then I was noticing like it was just happening a lot more and. Mostly it was like starting to amp up. The more I was like stressed because I found out now for me, stress and the heat are like my biggest triggers when it comes to pot, my pots.

Um, and so I had a family member pass away and I had to sing at their funeral. And I don’t even remember the last like verse that I’m singing. Thank God I said the words correctly. Um, but I sang that stepped back. I was up in the balcony, so thankfully I wasn’t also in front of everybody. But I like stepped back, looked over to a family friend and was like, I’m gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine. Um, and then after my second surgery, my hip replacement, that’s when a lot of my other chronic illnesses started. Um, I also have a condition called mast cell activation syndrome, which. Basically for me, your mast cells are the cells that kind of check out foreign invaders, like things coming into the body and they go, we good or not good?

I’m not a medical professional, so if I’m saying this wrong, but I do know that they are the reason that histamine is put out. And so for me, my mast cells are kind of always activated, hence mast cell activation syndrome. Um, but what that means for me is I’ve developed a lot of allergies, um, and I can like develop new ones to random things and that might be just, I’m itchy, but it’s also like I go anaphylactic.

So I have to be, I’ve had a whole life shift because of all of that. Um, but because of my mast cell activation syndrome and um, pots. If one of them gets mad, the other one gets mad. So I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve, I mean, I’ve passed out quite a bit and not everyone with POTS will, that’s kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand up and instantly pass out. That’s not typically the case. Like some people will, but it’s more of like a constant state of feeling, um, like out of it, I guess. Like brain fog is massive with pots. Um, I, it’s, it affects your entire autonomic nervous system. So that’s like breathing, that’s like digestion.

That’s your heart rate, your temperature control, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s affected me in a lot of ways, which is again, when I started realizing like, okay, this is affecting me when I’m taking too many weddings. That’s, I really need to step back, but. Definitely it was like heart racing. Um, I wear a device that’s called a visible armband.

I’m not wearing it today because I’m sitting, but it basically will show me second by second what’s going on with my heart rate and alert me if I’ve been in the red zone for too long, if I am, you know, more opt to, uh, need to take a break or anything like that. So, mm-hmm. I wear that now. But, uh, yeah, it, it’s not fun.

It’s definitely been one of the most debilitating things for me. Um, and I think that. It’s something that I wanna talk more about. So I’m glad that we get to talk about it here because we don’t, we don’t really get to see much representation of people that are entrepreneurs that are also dealing with things like this, or business owners that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it’s kind of stereotypical that it’s more like you’re a boss, babe, and you’re just go, go, go. Awesome. And what people don’t see with people like me who are chronically ill or whatever are, you know, the days that, I mean, I’ve even had here, this is, I’m at my store right now, but I’ve even had here where between clients I know I’ve got 20 minutes, I am not doing well, and I’m taking my emergency meds, I’m laying on the floor with my feet elevated for 15 minutes and then quick getting back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients. I’m just having to take breaks. So, yeah. That was a really long thing,

Christa Innis: but No, no, but that’s good. Like you said, it’s something that I think all people can learn more about and I think be able to see like the behind the curtain kind of thing because Yeah. Um, it’s, it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and so that’s why I was like really curious about like your first symptoms and then kind of how you handle it now when you know it’s like coming on or, you know, feeling a certain type.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, it’s hard too because the handling it thing isn’t really like, it’s one of those conditions that there’s a huge. Spectrum. You could be somebody with pots and if you’re listening to this now and you have pots that this is the case, please comment below because I want people to feel not alone, but you could be somebody with pots that you are on disability, you can’t get out of bed, you’re having people coming to your house, giving you IV infusions at home because you physically can’t stand.

Mm-hmm. It can be that severe. And then there’s people like me that are kind of somewhere in the middle, like in wedding season, which unfortunately for me is when here is obviously like summer fall, when it’s warmer. So I’m getting like at least monthly infusions, but people aren’t seeing that. I’m not showing that, oh, come with me to get my iv.

Right. Um, and then constantly taking salt pills so that my blood pressure stays somewhat level. Um, making sure that I’m like actually forcing myself to take. Drinks and stuff like that, working that time into my client’s timelines, things like that. Um, there’s this huge spectrum of pots and I think that it’s becoming more well known, which I’m really happy about, but I think that people aren’t seeing enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit like, oh, well if you have pots, why aren’t you just on disability? It’s not easy to do that. It’s not easy to, yeah. You know, so thank you for letting me talk about that. I’m really happy that I got to share that with people.

Christa Innis: No, of course. Yeah, and you make a good point too, about, I think like in general, when someone hear about a disability or an autoimmune, they’ll, they’ll relate to one person they know and they don’t realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe symptoms all the time, like you said, and some maybe internally battling every single day. And some might have some, uh, some smaller symptoms or, you know. Yeah. And so I think it’s important to see that there’s a wide span and to just, you know, give grace to people and kind understand it kind of, every situation might be a little bit different as well.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Thank you for sharing that. No, I, I was curious ’cause uh, I, I didn’t really know much about it.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. Yes.

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

Christa Innis: Um, okay. So let’s get into some of the. Wedding hot takes before we get to the story. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Started a new thing since last time, because I don’t think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag? Mm. So you’re just gonna, I’m gonna say a sentence and then you’ll just say if it’s a red flag or a green flag.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Replacing a bridesmaid close to the wedding,

Kendra Matthies: that’s a hard one though, because I guess I know I should, I know you wanna answer a red flag, green flag. It really depends on the situation though. I know, I know. That’s a hard one. So, as a vendor, I would say maybe it’s red flag for planning purposes and like scheduling purposes, depending on how close, like if it’s the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like jarring, but I don’t wanna say it’s a full red flag because. If that person in your bridal party was going to be chaotic or causing you tons of stress, or maybe there’s been a massive falling out green flag, please don’t have them there. I don’t wanna have to be around that either.

I don’t wanna be set in in that stressful situation and I don’t want my client in that stressful situation. So, man, that’s a hard one. I would say that really depends, but I’m leaning, I guess, more towards green.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these scenarios, there’s so much, like so many details that could change it.

Yeah. It’s like everyone’s perspective and Yeah. Um, okay. Expecting attendance and every pre-wedding event. Say that again? Expecting attendance at every pre-wedding event. So the brides like you have to come to the engagement party, the shower, all that.

Kendra Matthies: No, that’s a red flag to me. You can’t expect everyone to be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose the plot on a lot when they’re brides is thinking that. I think when you’re a bride, that is the most important thing to you. That’s what the majority of your planning is going towards for at least a year in most cases. Um, so to you, that’s like end goal, most important thing.

That’s, think of the times that you’ve been in a wedding though. Maybe if it’s like your best, best friend, but like life goes on, you have other things going on. Maybe your, maybe somebody in your bridal party or an attendant or something. Maybe they have somebody else getting married. They can’t come. Like you can’t expect people to just always, always be there.

Is it nice? Yes. But I would never hold it against somebody if they couldn’t come to something. I mean, I had people RSVP yes to my wedding. I had a very small wedding. We had like 50 people. Mm-hmm. And I had people very close to me. RSVP. Yes. And they couldn’t come because of X, Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m never talking to that person again. I can’t believe they wouldn’t come. Like that’s, that’s a little bit of a red flag to me.

Christa Innis: I know. It always gets lost on me when they’re like, you must attend every single thing. My wedding’s the priority and I’m like, I realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is the, like, yeah, it’s important to me, but like I don’t expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else or anybody else for that matter. No. Yeah. I mean, that’s crazy. Like I have friends that couldn’t come to the Bachelorette or the shower and I was like, right, your family, your health, your whatever you’re going through goes, it’s first.

Exactly. We’ll, we will live. Um, okay. Um, cash bars, red or green cash

Kendra Matthies: bars. Um. Yeah, I haven’t really been to a wedding where that’s been the case. So Cash Bar explained to me, just to make sure I’m understanding, that’s where you’re like paying to add alcohol? Yeah, there’s

Christa Innis: just, yeah, they don’t, they probably don’t provide any drinks.

I’ve never been to a full cash bar either. Usually at least there’s or something. But yeah, it’s just like there’s no drinks provided. I would say, um,

Kendra Matthies: I would say that’s a little bit of a red flag if it’s fully a cash bar. Like if you’re not providing like any sort of refreshments, like that would kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something for somebody to drink. Um, but if it’s cash bar. Just for, I guess that’s also a little bit hard though. Like my family doesn’t really drink, so it would be like, we had nothing at my wedding. So I don’t know. I, I think that that kind of just depends on the person. I think that if your family is somebody that you are people that you know are gonna drink, um, and you know that maybe you can’t provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set drink or something that is free or included with the wedding, and then maybe if there’s something like extra that somebody wants, like Right. I don’t know. Yeah, I would, I’ve just not been to something like that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like if they’re, yeah, if they’re not providing anything, like no kind of refreshment, I’m talking like even non-alcoholic.

Yeah. So if they’re not providing anything and expecting nice people to come, then sure. That’s a little bit of a red flag If they expect everybody to like pay for food and drinks once they’re there. Right. But if it’s like, oh, we’re just talking like. Your aunt prefers like this really fancy vodka, then Yeah, I think it’s a red flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Kendra Matthies: I totally agree. That’s exactly what I think. Board.

Christa Innis: Right, right. Doesn’t need to be an open bar or anything. Um, okay, last one. Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Kendra Matthies: Oof. To me girl, that’s gonna be a red flag. That is like, unless the only time I can ever see it be okay is one, it’s the couple announcing that they’re pregnant.

Like obviously, or if it’s been super well discussed and maybe the couple has asked for this to happen there otherwise.

Christa Innis: Die.

Kendra Matthies: That’s, yes. So I probably wouldn’t do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s crazy To me, that’s

Christa Innis: like one of those things I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started getting story submissions.

Yeah. And the amount of times where it’s like someone wants to announce someone else’s pregnancy at the wedding, like once where I read was like the, um, mother-in-law wanted to announce the younger brothers. His girlfriends. Oh, I think I saw

Kendra Matthies: your story about that. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that was one. And then there was another one like last year that was like kind of similar where the couple, well they asked the couple and the couple said no, and they mom Oh, then media red

Kendra Matthies: flag.

Yeah. Yeah. The mom

Christa Innis: was still bringing in like a, the, the box to like surprise everybody with, and then still did like a mini celebration of the table even after they said, no.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild. To me. That is up, that’s up there with like, if somebody is getting married and they’re like, Hey, photographer, my husband and I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement photos at this person’s wedding? Yes. Like it’s that level to me where it’s just a common courtesy thing to like not do that. Mm-hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t, even if I was at somebody’s like. They just graduated college. We’re having this really fun party. I wouldn’t be like, Hey guys, by the way, like, make this about me.

Like there’s moments in life where it’s not about you. Yeah. I think that’s a big thing to remember is sometimes it’s not your turn. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s this person’s turn, it’s their moment to shine. And unless they are super, like, please, I want you to

Christa Innis: just let them shine.

Kendra Matthies: It’s just, it’s just rude.

It’s just rude.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t need to always turn it back to us. Right,

Kendra Matthies: right.

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. I’m gonna do a couple of, would you rathers and then we’ll get into our story. Okay. These are like more like makeup kind of, um, focus. Okay. Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Kendra Matthies: Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00 AM I don’t like feeling rushed. I hate it. It makes me so stressed and anxious and my luck. I’m gonna like, think that I’m putting it on good and then I get out and I’m looking like the joker. Like I just, no, I would rather start earlier.

Christa Innis: My gosh. Totally. I hate, like, I, I think I said this before, but like I, when I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt like they put me at the earliest slot.

’cause they’re like, oh, we know you wake up early. That was also Preki. Um, they’re like, we know you wake up early. So I’d be like in my chair, like half asleep. But I did like just being done and then I could just like hang out with everybody. Yeah. I didn’t have to rush or worry. Like, ’cause sometimes being some of the later ones, you’re like, are we gonna have time?

Or you’re like, oh, a

Kendra Matthies: hundred percent. Yeah. And for me too, like what I like to do personally to avoid that. And if you’re a makeup artist listening, I always, let’s say they tell me they need to be done by three, we’re gonna be done by two. Like I wanna give that little bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional gift that somebody was given and like they completely like, like, I wanna have time for things. People get stuck in traffic, things happen. So always give yourself a little bit of extra time. And for any brides or somebody that’s getting married, that’s listening, just because when you are getting ready on the every day, it might take you an hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time is, its whole different. Thing like it is so different. You might be thinking, wow, my makeup artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We don’t have to be done till three. That’s crazy. And then when you’re getting done, you’re like, how has the day flown by? How have we, like where did that go?

That’s what I hear 99% of the time at weddings. It is just like, whoa. That day went by so fast. Like, ah. So always give yourself a little extra time that you think, I know it’s,

Christa Innis: you don’t think of like the random person popping in to say hello and like, yes, you step by or setting up food for your brides.

You know? You just don’t think those little things. You don’t think about it running to the bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room. Like Exactly. There’s always something. So

Kendra Matthies: something. Yes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, would you rather a bridesmaid hate her makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

Kendra Matthies: Um, would I rather bridesmaid hate their makeup or when you say refuse their look and do their own, like, they just are like, I don’t want you to do my makeup.

Don’t want,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I’d rather them do their own. Like if they’re gonna hate it the way that I do it, you don’t need me to do it. Like, if you’re good at what you’re gonna do and you’re already happy with how you do your makeup, don’t feel like you have to get your makeup done. I don’t, I would rather that, because that just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup done is gonna go into it knowing that they’re gonna hate it probably. Or just I know my features better. I’ve never liked my makeup done by somebody else. They’re gonna go into it that way. The makeup artist is gonna be thinking of all the ways that they can try to make that not happen and make the person happy just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah. If you know you’re somebody that you just don’t like getting your makeup done by somebody else. Just do it yourself, even if you are the bride, the groom, whoever. Like just do it yourself. It doesn’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. I feel like if you’re like super picky, like you need to just do it yourself if you know what you’re doing.

Um, yeah, know yourself in those moments. ’cause like I’m, when I’m a bridesmaid, I love getting my makeup done. I like, I, I just trust the makeup artist. I’m like, you know what you’re doing. And, but I have friends that like, they’re just very particular and they’re just good at their own makeup and they do it.

And like about knowing yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. For myself, like I did my own makeup on my wedding day and that was because I enjoy the process of putting makeup on. I enjoy like doing it myself. But if I were somebody that didn’t enjoy that and you’re like, man, every time I do my makeup, I hate it. Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even if it’s like, I can’t afford a makeup artist. Maybe you have a really talented friend or something that does makeup really well, it’s okay to do that too. You don’t have to. But on the flip, don’t think like we’re saying that you have to have a makeup artist. If you’re like, I’m good at what I do.

It’s not a necessity. You don’t need a makeup artist to get married. You need a officiant, you need a venue, you need a wedding dress. Those are needs, this is wants and luxuries. You don’t have to have it.

Christa Innis: Right, totally. Um, would you rather one bridesmaid be 45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be overly controlling about the schedule?

Kendra Matthies: I would definitely have somebody that’s maybe a little bit more controlling about the schedule because. I’d rather have somebody that’s on me about the times and whatnot versus somebody who is just so nonchalant than I am anxious, everything’s running behind. I’m probably gonna get blamed for the fact that things are behind, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’d rather have somebody way more on me about the time, because me personally like I am. So it might not seem it if you’re any of my clients watching this now, but in that moment, I mean, what I do, and this is a little tip too, for makeup artists, for weddings, like I set my schedule. Uh, as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay. And I’m, every couple little bit, I’m clicking it to see, to make sure that I’m good and to somebody, it just looks like I’m checking the time, but I’m really like seeing how I’m doing on time. So shoot, if somebody wants to be the little voice in my head that’s already happening when I’m doing this, like, sure, I’d rather have that than somebody be late.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that because yeah, it’s like when bridesmaid be a little late, but they don’t always realize how much that could push back everybody else. Especially like, what if it’s a wedding where there’s only three or four bridesmaids than you’re kind of reshuffling everybody. But it’s good to, it’s good to have that schedule.

Like when I’m, when I’ve been hired for like Day of Coordinators, I’m like on it, I’m, I’m the same as you. I’m like checking. I’m like, okay, all right. Where’s our next bridesmaid? You’re on deck when she’s done, you’re swapping like,

Kendra Matthies: because again, it goes back to the whole thing. That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different than an everyday type of thing. You have to be so scheduled because yeah, one little thing can really throw off a whole day. And I’ve had it in the past where I had a bridesmaid be super late and it almost made it to where I couldn’t do the grandma’s makeup. Like the grandma would’ve just not had makeup.

I made it work. Yeah, bride not happy with me because of the delay, but I made it work because I’m not gonna let somebody’s grandma not have makeup. That’s crazy. That would make me sad. So, yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s so easy to throw off an entire day without even realizing it because 45 minutes, me, I block out an hour for makeup.

Um, but that’s including like cleaning in between time for me to like, you know, take a drink or whatever. So it’s really more 45 minutes. So if you think about it, if you’re 45 minutes late, you’re pushing the day, a whole appointment slot back, like that is a lot of time.

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point.

All right. Let’s just get into today’s story because they always, you always end up being a little bit longer than I think. So let’s just get into it. Okay. Um, and feel free to stop me or pause anytime if you, likewise, we just back the note. As we go. All right. I was the Maître d’ for all types of events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat priced buffet with no alcohol for gospel groups, prayer gathering. They danced, sing, and filled the room with joy. The staff loved watching and listening to them, and we never had a single issue. We genuinely looked forward to their visit. One of the young women from the group decided she wanted her wedding there on a Sunday afternoon with the group present.

Um, I walked her through everything, the theme menu, colors, ceremony, flow, flowers, readings, dances, bar options, extra servers, sleeping arrangements for the newlyweds, backup. Well, this is a lot. Um, backup plans for the bad weather and even contingency plans for family issues. Okay, they got it all. We had the, yeah, we had the space for six hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically use the room for only two to two, and then for only two to two and a half hours on the regular Sundays. So I’m thinking they wanted to rent, they wanted them to sing at her wedding is what I’m guessing some, yeah. It’s

Kendra Matthies: sounding like she wants ’em to be very involved with the day.

Yeah. She, because it says they want the guests present that are normally there on Sundays.

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay. Okay. So she wants them to be there. Okay. They were allowed joyful and energetic, but never obnoxious. Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe. Yeah. The first deposit to hold the date and the the first deposit to hold the date and room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months, the bride and groom agreed to every recommendation we made. Used all our preferred vendors, and sometimes even brought me homemade baked goods. We clicked really well. The only request they made beyond my cake recommendation was an extra tier and specific symbol to honor their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at no additional charge. That’s nice. Yeah. That’s really nice. Um, as the second deposit approach, they continued adding upgrades and RSVPs were higher than expected. We needed additional servers, more food, extra tables, and more rentals overall. They also decided to move the wedding up by three weeks to the earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh. Oh. How, I’m wondering how like, how late into the planning this was because Yeah, that’s a pretty big shift. Yeah. And like schedules adding people. Okay. Okay. She said that wasn’t an issue, but it did mean we couldn’t get the exact same linen colors in time and they needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second deposit due date the same as the original planned and not move it up. Two weeks before the wedding, I checked in again. Everything was fully planned and it was a lot. I heard nothing back three days before the wedding. I left messages for the couple and both mothers while also confirming flowers, linens, staff, transportation, and final details the following afternoon Friday.

So they didn’t, they still haven’t heard from them. Oh my gosh. That’s, I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: it’s okay. We are like crunch time and we’ve not heard anything. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Christa Innis: I’m locked in. I know. I’m always like, what do you do at that point where you’re constantly like calling them, emailing them, nothing? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the bride’s uncle arrived with a check covering the remaining balance. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but at that point we proceeded. Wasn’t thrilled that the uncle came or that they were like.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. ’cause I mean that payment probably would be late, I would imagine. I feel like most things don’t take payments that close.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because we’re talking, she doesn’t say when the date was, but she’s saying all of a sudden before the wedding, they still hadn’t paid, they didn’t hear anything back.

Kendra Matthies: Well, then we’re at three days before the wedding. Yeah. So we’re like close. Close. So I can see where they’re stressed. Like you’re not talking to us and it’s not you that’s bringing in the final check.

It’s some random relative, like Yeah, you never called back. Were they involved? Yeah. Were they involved with this relative before? Is this person just showing up like Yeah, I’d probably be a little frustrated as well.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering like for venues. If you don’t get that second deposit, I’m sure they have a right to either add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because they’re holding all, I mean, maybe they end up losing money then, but, ’cause I’m like, where’s like the, the stickler for you have to pay us this day, or Yeah. Something happens, we lose this. You can’t have this amenity or, you know, something like that.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, the wedding began at noon just as their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful. While photos were being taken, I showed the mother of the bride the reception room. So it’s weird. Everything’s just like going as normal even though they Yeah. We’re just like

Kendra Matthies: going forward. Even though nobody was confirming anything. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

Christa Innis: Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing apart the reception room. The linen colors were wrong. The tables were too far from the windows where a large buffet had been set up overlooking the golf course. The dance floor was too large. Even though most guests danced at their tables, the cake was missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she’s saying it wasn’t. These are all the things that the mother Earth bride was saying. Okay. And it was crooked. It wasn’t, the lighting was too dim and felt solemn. The servers were dressed too formally. One server hunched too much. She didn’t like my dress. She’s

Kendra Matthies: talking to the, your server has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain things, and we’ll hear more of the story. I understand. Okay. You don’t, what if that person has a back issue? You dunno. Why are we going after the servers themselves? Like, that’s kind of crazy to me. It’s wild. That’s wild. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. You don’t know anything about this person. Yeah.

What in the world make that comment? Like, they’re doing their jobs, aren’t they? They’re, they’re like helping. Right. Like, oh my God. And then then to say she didn’t like her dress, the person doing it, she’s saying she didn’t like my dress. It clashed. So the person that sent in this email that runs these letters?

Yeah. Can you imagine? I’d be like, okay. Like, sorry. Right.

Kendra Matthies: That’s what I chose to wear. That’s wild. Okay. Bizarre.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The flowers were too sparse. Uh, too sparse. She, there were too many ribbons. She was irate. I was completely dumbfounded. And that’s a problem too. Well, I mean it’s, there’s so many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has some power coming in. It’s like she’s not the client. Yeah. But it weird that she, they just stopped hearing from the bride and groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Kendra Matthies: Right. And it’s weird to me too, that, I mean, weddings that I’ve been to my wedding, we very much discussed like what the layout was going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, like, we did let them know that the linens wouldn’t be able to be the same because of whatever. So they were aware of that. Maybe this mom isn’t aware of the change. Okay. But also what, who are, who are you? Like, I get you’re the mom, but you’re also like not the deciding factor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it was something where. The mom wasn’t as involved as she wanted to be or something.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it sounds like, like the person that wrote this, I always say it’s a little biased ’cause she’s the one that sent it to us. Right. So I’m like hearing her perspective, but I’m like, sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

She’s done all these weddings and events before. Right. So I’m sure they’re following the contract, following the plan. The mom’s, she’s like, I don’t like this. This is not what I envisioned. Or she’s embarrassed because she wants her family to see something different. Or I,

Kendra Matthies: that’s just so, it’s so silly to me too because let’s say all of these things are the genuine, like the bride comes in and ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been? You haven’t like been communicating with us to like even know, maybe the original discussion was that there were gonna be this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion was that the flowers were gonna be how they’re gonna be if you’re not having. ’cause it’s sounding to me like the venue is providing most, if not all of the setup.

Mm-hmm. So it’s not like they’re having to coordinate multiple different vendors. It’s sounding like it is the venue that’s doing this. So how that communication between the couple and the venue itself got so lax. Mm-hmm. It is strange to me, like, yeah. Okay. I just, I need to

Christa Innis: hear more. I need to Very on.

Okay. It says she stormed off and I went back to business as usual. This was a $16,000 wedding. Absolutely. All out. That seems low to me, but I don’t know. I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses. At first I was like

Kendra Matthies: 16, but then I’m like, actually no, that’s like pretty low. Yeah. At least in this area. Michigan. I know.

I don’t know where this

Christa Innis: was, but yeah, I feel like golf course weddings, like when we were just kinda like, just kind of getting ideas. I feel like golf courses were like the most expensive ’cause it was like, oh yeah, resort vibes, everything included. And so I feel like those were like at least 50 if not way higher.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, so it said, um, intros finished first stance is done, speech is complete. Dinner music began, the buffet was destroyed, completely cleaned out. So it was destroyed in a good way. I think she means

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Like demolished the food. They ate it all. Yes. Okay. That’s what I’m gathering.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, shiny. Yeah. Um, shiny Cha-cha chafers chafer. Yeah. I’m like, okay, I was gonna pronounce that wrong. And all music continued, some dancing followed, and then the mother of the groom approached me. She said the food was awful. The servers were slow, people were spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from another bar into the building. The dance floor was a slippery hazard. The linens were dry after people ate, or No? The linens were dirty after people ate. My gosh. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was headed. The hints for a massive discount started shortly after.

Oh, here we go. Oh

Kendra Matthies: no, they don’t wanna pay. They don’t want to pay. They don’t want to pay. Hopefully they’ve already cashed that check, girl. And it didn’t bounce like this.

Christa Innis: What it’s for, the Dirty Dan or the Dirty Linens thing reminded me. I saw this thing where an influencer was trying to do something or she was getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the floor and was like the place was dirty. And then the owners came out and they were like, she was there right after like a 12 party or a 12 person party just got up and left and she filmed right under the table. So it’s just all about like if you’ve never worked in a restaurant or,

Kendra Matthies: yeah.

That’s wild to me. The linens are dirty. I mean, aren’t they there to like. Get used and like to protect like the tables and to like look nice. Like, yeah. I mean, your wedding dress is gonna be dirty by the end of the night, by the, like the bottom of it. You know, you’re using the item.

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s wild. And again, saying servers were slow, that you’re gonna, you’re gonna complain about that.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild to me. Okay. And clearly the food wasn’t that bad if everybody ate it all.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. That, oh my gosh. Then I heard screams, oh my god. Sure enough, the cake was on the floor. They claimed a server knocked it over while rushing for plates. She did not. And no, this was 2001. Okay, there we go. So it was 2001.

That’s price. So much has changed since then. So much. 16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Kendra Matthies: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah,

Christa Innis: she did not, and no, this was 2001, no cameras. Suddenly the older women erupted into crocodile tears, wailing and chanting praises. They cried that the souls wait, what? The souls of those honored on the cake had been desecrated.

So now they were not saying, now they’re saying because the server knocked it over. It was like an insult to the, the loved ones that were, the cake was for there.

Kendra Matthies: So let’s say that a server did knock it over. That is a. You are jumping over the Grand Canyon, my friend, to say that that is a disrespect on a deceased loved one.

Yeah. I can see somebody going up to the cake, taking whatever that symbolic thing was, chucking it at the wall. Like, okay, yeah, you’re being disrespectful to that. Mm-hmm. If something accidentally gets knocked over, my first thought would not be, oh, my family members, I can’t believe. Like, ah, like that, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Christa Innis: And by everything that we’ve learned so far, I’m like, they’re just looking for all of this to like add up. They’re, they’re thinking of all the dollar so that they can get back basically.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said the accusations went on and on. Eventually the night wound down, the room was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back. Gosh. Oh no. That, uh, like even when I hear stories like this about like someone going into a restaurant, and you can tell from the beginning they complain about every little thing. I mean, I used to work in the restaurant industry, I stopped all the time. Yeah. You see it, right?

It’s like, you know, the second those people sit down, these are someone pe someone that’s gonna complain, they want a discount. And I was more than happy, like if something was wrong or if something, you know. Oh, for sure. Even a discount. I’ll take it off completely. Yeah. But you can tell right away when it’s someone that’s gonna complain about everything.

Even like, they’ll drink, like they’ll Dr. Pepper or, or Sprite and they’ll be like, something’s off in this. Something’s off. Yeah, okay, we’ll get it checked. Or it’s a brand new, you know, anything would be wrong. Right? So when it’s something like this, like a wedding, $16,000 and they’re gonna be like, we want our money back.

Kendra Matthies: No, and I, I can see it being, and maybe you’ve had this experience too, I can also kind of get the vibes of when I’m gonna have a client ask me for a refund. And it’s always, it always seems to be the ones that I am the most lenient with or the ones that I try to give like extra things to, to be nice that end up coming back and expecting more and then wanting a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason I, yeah. So if they say you give an

Christa Innis: inch, they take a mile or something, those kind

Kendra Matthies: 1000%, that is definitely the case. So sounding like that is this case? Yeah. Okay. How does this end?

Christa Innis: Um, okay. It says that’s when we learned they had assumed they were paying the same rate. As the usual two hour Sunday buffet lunches, despite having a signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look at that and just assume, like,

Kendra Matthies: and is it really that they assumed or they thought that because they were such a come every Sunday group that they could just talk their way into it and get that discount after the fact? Right. But you should never sign a con. I’m looking at my camera at this moment.

I know I’ve been looking all around. Right. Never sign a contract for an amount, assuming that it’s not going to be that amount. Yeah. That is

Christa Innis: crazy. To me, contract is a, it’s locking you in. It’s literally telling you what you owe when you pay it. Like yes. Wow. I, I don’t understand how you could assume like that’s just.

Um, I don’t wanna say ignorance, but that’s being, being extremely naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay. I, I’ll we come here every Sunday for a two hour of buffet. I’m like, that’s way different than a wedding.

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Kendra Matthies: That is way different from a wedding that you’re getting linens, you’re having people catering your food, you’re having florals, you’re having sounding like music maybe was even provided, like what they were listing all of the stay for the bride and groom for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect that to be the same as a little buffet that they do every Sunday is insanity. Yeah. And it’s sounding very entitled to me. Like that’s the vibe that I get. Mm-hmm. That they just probably thought going into this. Like I said that, oh, well we come here every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It’s giving, well, I know the owner vibe. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that’s the vibe that it gives and it’s like. Okay, cool.

Christa Innis: You’re like, so do I.

Kendra Matthies: So do I. And this is still how much it is like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’ve seen so many skits about that where someone’s like, well, I know the owner. And they’re like, okay, well get in line all these people.

Kendra Matthies: favorite thing when that would happen to me is they would be like, well, I know the owner, can’t you just gimme a discount? And I’d be like, I know my dad too. Like my dad owned the restaurant that I worked at, so that always killed me. I’d be like, yeah, same

Christa Innis: like, yeah. And I also like anyone that says that like wouldn’t, if you’re going to your friend’s restaurant or someone you knows, restaurant, wouldn’t you want to contribute to a small business or help them out?

And that’s

Kendra Matthies: the thing too. I have never been in a situation that I can think of that I’m ever going to a friend’s business or going to have a friend do anything for me that I am like asking for a discount or I’m expecting a discount. I mean. I had a friend do, she’s my hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her. I still tipped her well, like just ’cause she’s done my hair forever and we’ve been friends for however long. Like that would be super weird of me to just like assume that that would be free or discounted or something. So, yeah. That’s the vibe I’m getting with this though, is that they assumed that,

Christa Innis: I’ve always noticed it’s the people you’re, that are more acquaintances or know you through people that do it.

Yeah. It’s never like a real friend. Yeah. ’cause I don’t, I don’t think I’ve said this on the podcast before, but like years ago, so like I do art like, well again, this was Preki. I haven’t done a lot of art in a while, but I used to do like charcoal art drawings and I’ve done a lot of stuff for weddings, like art-wise, like creating like trees with a thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah. Anyway, so years ago I was like a guest of a guest at a wedding. So like my friend’s old friend, like neighbor was, was getting married. She’s like, you guys should come with us. It was a very laid back wedding. More the merrier. Yeah. The week before, the bride was like, can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice. Like, I’m like early twenties at the time. Like no boundaries. Just one people pleased and I’m like, normally I probably would’ve charged like a fair price. Probably would’ve been. A hundred to $200 because it takes, it takes a while. Yeah. But I was like, okay, maybe I’ll charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don’t get me a gift. And I’m like, oh, okay. Like I already had a gift that I bought. Yeah. And I was like,

Kendra Matthies: okay.

Christa Innis: And then literally I started, learned my lesson, but then a like a year later I was like doing charcoal drawings for people and um, you know, people are, you know, paying whatever. She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I went there, I went and brought it to the house. Like a whole family charcoal drawing. It took Yeah. Hours. Hours. And I’m like, I broke, just recently Graduated college kid. Yeah. And um, she was like, oh, I don’t have cash on me. Like, just tell me what it is and I’ll like send you money later.

Never did. And I like, it’s so dumb now, but in my mind I’m like, that’s that kind of person that just expects a discount. Yeah. ’cause they know you somehow.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. No, I will say like. I have been a bridal makeup artist for 10 years now, and it’s always the person who was randomly in my English class freshman year of high school that’s like, Hey, girl, I’m getting married.

Um, what are your rates? And me sending them, whoa. Well if you want my, uh, pricing guide, feel free to email my assistant. She’ll get that sent over to you. Oh my gosh, no girl. Like, you can just send them in here. Like, it’s fine, like Facebook Messenger. And I’m like, no, it’s easier for me to keep things, you know, compact.

And they’re like, oh, well, is there any way that I could get like a friend and family discount since we know each other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’ve had that happen so many times, and I’m like, honestly, I don’t. I, I don’t know, like anything about you, like, yeah, how, how much friends are we do it. I was going through it when I was in high school, like my junior, my sophomore to end of junior year is when that first hip surgery stuff was happening.

And like they say that pain erases memory or whatever sometimes, and that’s why like I’ve heard, oh well people who have uh, kids might be UPT to have kids again, even if the first birth was like awful because they just like forget the pain or whatever. Which I don’t know how true that is, but I will say, yeah, like there are huge lapses of my memory from that time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street, random person in my Facebook messenger thing, like I probably wouldn’t even know that was you. Mm-hmm. So why would you think that I would wanna give you a discount? Like that’s just wild to me. Well, they’re the same

Christa Innis: ML N people that want you to join their team. Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never talked, but I’m during this, I started this new ml, it’s gonna save your life. And I’m like, yeah,

Kendra Matthies: well, and I get that all the time too. Maybe you do too. Now that you have a following is like online and everything is the amount of people who are like, you should do this because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I’m like, I’m honestly like so good. Thanks though. Like I don’t, so good. Thank you. Like I, I’ve actually never been more Okay. Not doing that. Like, I don’t

Christa Innis: want to do that. Like, like more the reason to not do it. Thank you. Yeah. And

Kendra Matthies: the amount of people too, and maybe you’ve had this as well, that are like, could you use my song in the background of your video?

And they’re like a random person from freshman year of high school that has like a SoundCloud or whatever it’s called. I’ve

Christa Innis: not had that. That’s what I get,

Kendra Matthies: that I get people, oh, can I collab with you? I need to get more views on my stuff because I do X, Y, and Z. And it’s like a random person I haven’t talked to since I was in like, like I was 13.

Like, I’m like, no, I don’t know you anymore. Like you are just because you knew me at a blip of my life, you do not just have access to me 24 7. Like, that’s just, that’s wild to me. Yeah. Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

Christa Innis: we bolted because I feel like it’s such, it’s such a common thing. Like, so when we read something like this, I’m like, oh.

I know that person, if you’re listening, don’t do that. Yeah. Don’t do that to people. Always offer to pay full price for friends. Yeah. Family. And then if later they wanna come back and be like, you know what? I wanna throw in this for free because you’re my friend then. Awesome. Yeah. But

Kendra Matthies: yeah, I mean, for me, and they probably don’t even know I do this, but like my dad’s employees, I give them my friend and family discount because they work for my dad.

They probably don’t even know that I do that, but it’s something that I add on. But if, but it to me, if it was like a new employee of my dad and they’re like, can I get a discount? I’d probably be a little bit more like, like what? That’s odd. Like, don’t do that. Like, don’t expect things, I guess is what I, what we’re trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Ab, absolutely. So she says, um, so it ends with saying, so says, despite having signed the contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm. No one tipped some servers were even in tears. Others finally snap back verbally. And at one point we, and at that point we allowed it. So I’m wondering if this is all just happening right there, because I’m wondering why the servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers go home and then maybe the next week we’re, they’re like trying to demand money. But I don’t know if this is, this sounds like later on in that night it’s

Kendra Matthies: happening. Like in the night you’re like, which I will say, and this is maybe a controversial thing, but I don’t ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things it’s a little bit more com. Like it’s common to do it. Like I probably always would tip a server. Mm-hmm. But if I were, you know, a venue or whatever, you should always have your pricing be to the point where if something like this happens and nobody’s getting tipped, your server isn’t in tears because they didn’t feel like they made enough money, it should still be like mm-hmm.

The base rate should still be good.

Christa Innis: I agree with you.

Kendra Matthies: To me, and this is how, and it’s different. I will say if you’re going out to eat, totally different, totally different. Because I know that minimum wage is like $2 or something, and you’re living off of your tips in that. Like you’re supplementing with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it’s wrong and if it is, please correct us. I don’t know. But I would imagine that when you’re working as a server for an event like this, you’re probably getting more of like an hourly base rate that’s like less than or more than the $2 minimum wage, because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine that that should be more. Common.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I, I can’t speak obviously for all events, but I used my, my job in college, I worked at a hotel and I worked in the bar and like I was a cocktail server, but we obviously hosted events and so there were banquet servers and from my memory, they made like $11 an hour, like they were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant servers were making like five, six. Yeah. They were more inclined to get tipped. So as far as I remember, in banquets you don’t typically get tipped as a server. Yeah. Maybe bartenders will get like cash. Yeah. I can

Kendra Matthies: see, I can see bartenders, but even, yeah, me thinking of any time I’ve attended a wedding, I don’t think that I’ve ever like tipped the person that’s bringing me the plated meal.

Right. Or serving the buffet. I can’t, I don’t like think that. So to play devil as advocate on that one little, little speck, I will say. Yeah. I do think that the tipping thing. That’s, yeah, not, that’s not something that you should just expect. Like even me as a makeup artist, I get probably like 75% of my client’s tip, but it really doesn’t bother me either way because I make sure that my pricing is to where I feel like I’m comfortable after expenses or whatever, that I made money.

I don’t, you shouldn’t be relying on your tips, I guess is what I’m saying, right. For this type of a job Servers. Yeah. In the real everyday you’re working at like Bob Evans or something. I understand. Tip your servers and stuff. Yeah. I just, yes, please tip your normal servers. But I don’t know if that’s common practice for Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if they didn’t typically do this kind of thing. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, but they sound

Kendra Matthies: so, they sound so like prepared for it though. Yeah. I don’t know. Yeah. Anyways, so little tidbit. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. They didn’t get tipped and they’re crying, so, and then it says, others finally snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to allow the servers to snap at the customer.

Kendra Matthies: I understand when tensions are really high and situations are really heated to get caught in the heat of the moment. But as a, whether you’re the manager, whether you are the owner, whatever it is, your responsibility to make your uh, employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I’m gonna handle it. You have to be the one to handle the situation. You can’t because all that’s gonna do is crave more and more heat. And more heat. More heat, and that’s, everybody’s just gonna be mad. So yeah. Allowing your employees to be. Even in a position where they’re feeling like they need to go back and forth like that, like once you start to notice that the heat is coming on a little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you? What’s, what’s the problem? You shouldn’t put your employee in that position because I know that weddings that I’ve been to a lot of the times, the servers, they are like in their late teens, early twenties. That’s a lot to put on someone young. Like that’s a lot. Yeah. So I feel like that’s another thing I would interject in is in this situation it would’ve maybe been beneficial.

I know we don’t know how this ends yet, but to have the employees kind of step aside and you handle it one person, because if you’re yelling at a bunch of different people, nobody’s getting their point across. Nobody’s listening.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like at this point, the, the tips, at least of their concerns, they might not even wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah. Um, so it says, come Monday the check bounced. So no, they didn’t cash the check. I’m wonder, oh, it makes me wonder, oh wait, there’s another paragraph, so lemme read it first. Okay. Says their head pastor called to inform us they would not be paying. He warned that if we pursued the matter, the congregation would countersue, claiming we intentionally sabotaged a young, naive, God-fearing couple’s wedding under the guise of miscommunication, even though they signed a contract

Kendra Matthies: that is, whoa.

Okay. Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh, she says when it was actually reckless discrimination and somehow they won.

Kendra Matthies: Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

Christa Innis: It sounds like either She doesn’t say there was definitely a lawsuit. She just says he warned that if we pursued it, they would countersue and then just ends with. They won.

So I’m wondering if there was, they did sue them. ’cause they were like, we, we didn’t get paid.

Kendra Matthies: Whoa. First off, how any judge is letting that win over a signed contract is bonkers to me. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I need to get into my business owner mind for a second here. Yeah. Why, why allowing. Okay. Thinking that it’s 2001.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. We’re talking 25 years ago. Yeah. I feel old. I see 2001. I’m like, oh, it was like 10 years ago. 25 years ago. I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: I was, I was, I’m 28 so I was like, three what? Right. Two or three, like, um, okay. Wow. Anyways, but like I know things have updated, things have changed a lot in those 25 years, but I. I think that it’s a little bit crazy to accept just a check from a random person and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that. Maybe it was, they said it was three days before, so if it’s a Monday, it would’ve been a Friday. Okay, but

Christa Innis: you think they waited till the banks were closed so they couldn’t cash it? Maybe,

Kendra Matthies: but at that point, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m needing a cashier’s check. I’m needing like a money order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious that the funds are there, especially if communication has been so lax where I haven’t even gotten to talk to my client in weeks. Yeah, that’s, that’s wild to me. What I would say nowadays, me personally, if I’m accepting a check from a client, it has to be like a cashier’s check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting just a check because. It has the potential to bounce. Mm-hmm. And you are still, especially in this situation when there’s so much involved makeup, obviously that sucks for me. Maybe I was looking, maybe I just replenished a lot in my kit and this was money that I thought was coming that I’m going to be able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it’s sounding like this one provides, you still have to pay people. Like you still have Yeah. Things that have to be paid for. And now that that’s bounced, like whoa.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering how much that first deposit was for Like, usually I feel like when I got married it was like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah. Then it was like 50 ma. I don’t know. So I like, it does like little increments. Yeah. So I’m like, that’s not gonna cover their food or No. Like they ate all the food. That’s right. And they’re gonna like live with themselves. Knowing that they, they scam these people. Yeah. The, the, I should make it clear the people getting married, the families getting married.

Right, right. Scam the venue because they knew what they were doing. Because no one signs a contract thinking it’s gonna be, oh, we do a two hour buffet here. It’s the same as a wedding. Hey, do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. For us, it’s gonna be the same.

Kendra Matthies: I guess I’m also confused who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom? Was it who signed this? Because why does the head pastor at their church get to be involved in this lawsuit at all?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a great point. Why is he a part of this discussion?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, that doesn’t matter. Like, that’s him

Christa Innis: being like the, using like the god like hierarchy of like, oh, you use this, this very religious family, and you’re, you’re making them look bad, so don’t you do dare do that.

So it’s almost like him being like, I’m a pastor. Let me. Say it so they, which

Kendra Matthies: why is a pastor doing that? Yeah. You’re

Christa Innis: not a part of the family. You didn’t pay didn’t, you’re

Kendra Matthies: not in the contract. Didn’t pay. Yeah. That’s so weird to me. And if this did go to court and they were able to, like, again, how did a judge, why is that being allowed?

Why is the, why is the pastor of a church that they go to get, to be the deciding say of whether a contract between somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kendra Matthies: That’s just,

Christa Innis: wow. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if, like, if we read it the other way, if she’s just saying they won, basically, like we didn’t, we just went along with it.

We didn’t like try to sue them or like take any step further because he scared us basically. Then I could see that too.

Kendra Matthies: I can see that, but also like as a business, you’re

Christa Innis: out,

Kendra Matthies: you, you have a contract for a reason and if you’re not gonna stick with your policies and your contract and the things that are in there, what’s the point of having I have it.

Yeah. Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, there’s been instances in the past for me where I have made exceptions to something that’s in the contract, but it’s normally because I’m trying to be accommodating of somebody. I will say that’s tightened up a lot because of situations like this where I’ve give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just, I just don’t see how that hap like, so much went wrong with this. Yeah. And so much that I think that this business, and I hope that if they’re still around, that they learn from this, um. I mean, communication needs to be better. Their, what happens if you stop communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are better and hopefully they have more solid contracts or confidence in their contracts that should something like this happen again, it’s worth fighting for because wow, that was a lot.

Christa Innis: When people complain about like rules and stuff, it’s, it’s because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to be as as they are, is because there’s people that take advantage and now they have to be super clear. You have to cover every single instance because of people like this. Yeah. ’cause they don’t try to scam the crap outta you.

Kendra Matthies: If you are somebody that is getting married or you are going to be entering into a contract for whatever reason, read what you’re signing, please don’t just blindly sign and then claim ignorance, because nowadays I just cannot see if this went to court nowadays that that would’ve held up at all for the client’s favor.

Like I could not see that happening. No way. Um, so be mindful of what you’re signing and on the flip vendors or whoever is sending out the contracts, make sure that you feel confident in the things that are in your contract, that you feel that you could back those things up. Consult with an attorney.

Don’t just write something down and have somebody sign it. Make sure it is like a legal contract. Um, yeah, because this type of stuff happens and. Me personally as a random big sister business owner. Advice to you too. If you’re a makeup artist or a hairstylist or somebody that, let’s say you have a season that you go through and now here’s the next one.

Revisit that contract at the end of the season. What happened in that year that you don’t want to happen again? Mm-hmm. Put it into your contract so that it doesn’t happen again and go forward. You might have, like you are saying, you might have people be like, why is this so long? Or Why does this even need to be specified?

You don’t have to explain yourself to those clients, but you can say, if you want to say anything at all, while everything that’s in the contract is there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. You have to protect yourself as a business owner and as a consumer. Signing contracts. Protect yourself too. If you don’t know what a contract is saying.

If you don’t know the legal mumbo jumbo. You don’t have to, nobody is forcing you to sign anything. Yes. You can consult with somebody if you need help before signing anything, even if it’s just asking the business to clarify what this means, because Yeah, don’t sign into something that you don’t know.

Yeah. Because either one of you, it could come back and bite you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And and most, most places now, like you said, are not gonna be like, oh, you didn’t read it. Mm. They’re gonna be like, too bad you signed this. Yeah. So,

Kendra Matthies: yeah. I mean, I’ve had to do that multiple times where we’ve had to send screenshots or we’ve copied the portion of the contract that applies to X, Y, or Z situation and send it to that client and say, well then the contract that you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave with confidence with that. You have to say, well, this is what you signed, and they can come back and counter, but. This is what you signed. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me think too, kind of like looking back at the beginning that there were so many different parties involved and I think this is why a lot of places too are like, we only work with the bride and groom, or we only work with a couple getting married because I feel like they probably, the young girl comes in from the group, she’s really excited.

They’re like, yep, this sounds great. She’s the one that talks with them. They signed the contract, she probably pays the first deposit. Sounds like, yeah. It says the bride and groom agree. They pay everything. No issues. Then other people are getting involved, but maybe the moms start seeing it and they’re like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this? Um, ’cause that’s, I think that’s why there was that radio silence, right? They’re like starting to worry about the cost. Then this random uncle comes in. Yeah. And either he was planning on paying for it the whole time, or he goes, wait guys, I’ve got an idea. You know what I’m saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time? Part of me thinks yes. He’s like, I’m gonna come in. They’re not gonna ask me questions, so they don’t know me. I don’t know about the wedding. Bring this check in. Oh, it’s covered. We’re good. We’re gonna get our wedding. And then you guys come in hot and right. Want.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, because

Christa Innis: there’s people that do this like for a living.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. I mean, like I said, my dad owns a restaurant. There’s people that we have on the do not let reorder list because they’ve had multiple, and multiple and multiple times where they call back and complain that something is wrong. And to the point where we would like red label them maybe like, Hey, if they call, make sure that you are so precise and confident that everything going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back and say, X, Y, or Z happened. For example, and this is talking on my dad’s half for a little bit, but he had a customer that would constantly complain about something being wrong with the pizza. The toppings weren’t right. The, my dad owns a pizza place. The toppings weren’t right.

The cheese had slid to the side by the time that the delivery driver got it there, um, it was burn, it was too cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally my dad was working one day and it was just him and the delivery driver, and he makes the pizza. He knows that this person is a chronic complainer. Mm-hmm.

So he is on it. Yeah, just him in the building delivery driver. Nobody else makes the pizza, sends it on its way. Of course, like five minutes later, 10 minutes later, he gets a call from that person and they’re complaining, well, what’s wrong? There is a massive blonde hair in my pizza. My dad said there’s a long blonde hair.

Okay. Um, are you sure it’s not yours? No, it can’t be mine. Everybody in my family has brown hair. Okay. Um, if I send the delivery driver back, would you give him the pizza and the hair that is in that so that we can figure out where this is coming from? Oh, well, um, I mean we already ate it. We ate around it, but like, this is ridiculous.

And my dad goes, you know what’s also really funny, the delivery driver and I are both bald and nobody else is working today. So they stopped ordering after that. But it’s just so funny. And come to find out, I mean, I did a little bit of Facebook stalking their family’s all blonde. Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like. So it’s just funny, but yeah, it does happen like all the time and in so many different industries that people will just try to get away with scamming you and mm-hmm. You have to protect yourself as a business owner. Like you just, ugh. Yeah. I feel bad for when things like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying throughout this, there were definitely learning moments from this. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, management wise or whatever, and policy wise, but I think that maybe it, from the sounds of it, maybe this was kind of a newer thing for them and they just didn’t have those policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah. I think that this is us seeing what kind of happens to a lot of professionals where you have something like this happen, which. Builds those standards and things like that for it to not happen again. So I think we might have seen the beginning of this golf courses event planning. They’ve been real

Christa Innis: strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sucks. You have to learn that way. Losing $16,000 and then some. Yeah. ’cause they said they kept adding on all these extras so. Hopefully this was a learning That’s so awful moment for them. But think about the, the couple that got married. Your, your wedding was built on a lie.

Kendra Matthies: A lie.

That’s really wild. And like bad juju. Like why would you want that? Yeah. I’m curious to know, are they still married?

Christa Innis: I know, I was, I was thinking that too. I’m like, I could not, like your kids are, or your kids or family one day is asking about your wedding and you’re like, oh yeah, it was at this place. Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing. Yeah, they loved it. Oh, it was ter you know, like, ’cause if it had all the things they wanted, I don’t know. And they never specified either if it was the bride and groom refusing to pay, or if it was the moms coming in right saying they’re not gonna pay. Um, so it makes me wonder maybe it was like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like, okay, we’re gonna write a check. Huh. So many questions. It’s, I love, love getting

Kendra Matthies: vendor

Christa Innis: stories, but I also like am like, oh, I don’t like there, there’s so much missing. Right? I

Kendra Matthies: wish I could call them and be like, okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

Christa Innis: I know. Oh my gosh. That was wild.

That

Kendra Matthies: was real.

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Christa Innis: Well, I always like to end these with, as I shake my whole computer right now. I was like to end these with confessions people send me on Instagram. So here we go. This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: that’s a good one.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This one says, um, letting my friend declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn’t have been her. I, I hear that a lot and I always wonder how that happens. ’cause if that was a friend to like someone to me saying like, oh, I’m your maid of honor, and they weren’t, I would, I would probably just laugh and just move on. How do they themselves?

Kendra Matthies: I definitely have heard this a lot from my clients that, oh yeah, this person kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be a bridesmaid, but I really wanted this person to be my maid of honor. I think what happens a lot of the time is you get people pleaser brides that don’t want to offend anybody. This person probably means a lot to them. Maybe just not in the, I think they should be made of honor way, but I think that it’s hard when they’re trying to make sure that everybody’s happy.

They don’t want to start wedding drama. Especially when it comes to bridesmaids, like you’re usually picking that out pretty early in the wedding planning process. Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama? But I will say, if you are somebody that recently got engaged or you’re just announcing bridal party members and somebody’s trying to assert that, I think that.

It’s really important and in the long run better to just be clear right away. And I know that a lot of people like to do those bridesmaids boxes or things like that where they’re asking people, um, definitely make sure that you give yourself time between announcing the engagement and, and picking your bridesmaids that you kind of like have everything so you can quickly do that so that this doesn’t happen.

Yeah. ’cause I think that it’s when there’s that gap that people can just assume and then push their way into it. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it’s important. Like if you’re announcing that you’re engaged, maybe within a week or two you’re asking people, and maybe that’s a big turnaround. I don’t know. It’s a little bit hard if you don’t know the engagement’s coming, but Right.

I do think like it’s important to have a list and roster in the back of your mind. If you’re knowing within a year I’m probably gonna be getting engaged to like you, you or I’m gonna be getting engaged, like you should probably have somewhat of a roster. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Because even if you don’t have like the bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you’re gonna do, you can at least be like, oh, you know, I actually, my sister or my friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah. It’s just gonna, is being that person.

Kendra Matthies: And it might be awkward, like it probably will be awkward, those conversations, but I’d rather you have a conversation early on and it be a little bit awkward than to be submitting that you regret it to us. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Because then you’re giving in and then you’re making it their day.

Yeah. Not completely, I get that. But like you’re still like. They’re gonna have their way with whatever. Oh, gonna be these bride. Like what does it, what, where does it end? Right? We’re gonna have these bridesmaid dresses. ’cause I like these best for my body. Right? Well wait, you’re, you weren’t even supposed to be the maid of honor and then you’re gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Kendra Matthies: Exactly. No, I 1000% agree.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see, this says letting my mother-in-law add over 40 guests to the list, which meant cutting down our friends list.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh. So I personally told like family members, like they were allowed X amount of people that they could invite. But I also made it clear, like I still wanted it to be people that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn’t want my mom to invite like a random person from our church that knew me when I was three. Like, that would be kind of odd. Um. I definitely think you have to kind of go into things like that, like that, where you’re giving like a, Hey, so so-and-so’s gonna have this many people, I’m gonna have this many people, his family’s gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people. And that’s how we’re reaching capacity. Like I think that you have to be very clear with those things from the get go.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Especially if it seems like someone that everybody’s their best friend or everyone’s their friend. Right. Just give like a little limit. Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right? Yeah. And then if they give you 20 and they’re like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and so, then sure you can give wiggle room. But when you give a free reign, that’s scary territory.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. And even with wiggle room, you have to be clear though too. Like if somebody’s like, oh my gosh, I know I gave you 20 people, but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot. You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we could squeeze that one more person in, but like we’re really done after that. Like you can’t be like, okay, yeah, I guess this is not another person. Like, ’cause the more you’re lax again, give an inch, take a mile type of thing is gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, let’s do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping. Should have saved the money and skipped the drama.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. I have heard this so much, like a lot, a lot. I’m talking even on wedding days, I hear this like, oh yeah, because sometimes the lead up drama is the worst part. Like the scheduling of the bachelorette or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time it gets to their wedding day, they’re like, I don’t even wanna do this. Like I, and it’s not that they don’t wanna get married, it’s just people they don’t wanna have to put on the performance and. All of it. So I have definitely heard that a lot. I would say that if you’re somebody that you and your significant other, you don’t really necessarily want a big wedding, you don’t necessarily see even a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it’s not the best option for you. It is never worth it to put yourself in debt to have a wedding. That is wild to me. I have had brides tell me that they have taken out loans for their wedding. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Couldn’t

Kendra Matthies: be me. Couldn’t be

Christa Innis: me. It’s consumerish, consumerism, and wedding culture altogether of like, you need the biggest, best wedding to post all of our social media and have this grand day.

And it’s like. Yes, weddings are beautiful and amazing, but at the end of the day, it is a day, right? And you do not wanna go into your marriage broke or, um, owing a bunch of money or having debt. That is, I feel like that is just like a, such a hard thing to go into a marriage with.

Kendra Matthies: And I think that people kind of have created this almost stigma of, it’s like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful weddings have been elopements. One of my friends, her name you guys might follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair. Her and her husband got eloped, and I wanna say they were out in like some like desert, sorry, Meg if you’re watching, but they were in some sort of like desert, like beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the photography, and that was where the majority of their budget went. And oh, my word, talk about magazine wedding. Like some of the most stunning wedding photos I’ve seen of my life. And it was an elopement. Like it doesn’t have to be like, oh, I’m giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I’m giving up. I can get great makeup done. You can invest now in the things that do matter to you more. Like maybe you really, really want good photos, but you don’t care if it’s just four of you there. Like, you can invest in those things now because you’re not spending. $50,000 on a wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. I think it’s one of those things too about like knowing yourself, knowing your family.

If there’s high tensions and you’re like, gosh, our families clash, or gosh, like my friends are just don’t get along with so and so, you know, whatever that is, and you’re already stress thinking about it, maybe that’s a sign. Yeah. Everyone knows themselves best. Like, I, like for me, I did not want a huge wedding, but I also could not, I could only picture like all of our families and friends together dancing and like hanging out in like one big party.

Um, so it wasn’t like humongous, but it wasn’t really small either, but. For me, that was important to me and my husband, but we didn’t have drama leading up to it that we were like, oh, I’m so nervous about people being in the same room. But I know a lot of the times when they regret, I feel like it’s because they’re getting pressure from someone saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding to show off to everybody. But meanwhile, the bride and groom are the ones like suffering because they’re like, this isn’t right us. This isn’t what we want.

Kendra Matthies: Right. So you have to be mindful. It’s okay to get people’s opinions, especially when it’s from people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very important and big in your life. It’s I, it is okay to take those opinions, but at the end of the day, if that is not what you want, who’s the one going in debt because of these things? Who’s the one that’s living with the fact that, oh, my wedding was so stressful and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It’s not your parents. It’s you, so you have to be mindful of yourself when it comes to wedding planning and just like weddings in general, because ideally, I mean, I know it doesn’t happen all the time. This is a once in a lifetime thing for you. I know people get remarried. I’m not saying that, but I’m saying what you are.

Nobody’s going into a wedding hoping that they’re gonna get married again. You are hoping that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Do you want to be like the thing that’s behind that is stress? Mm-hmm. No, I don’t think that anybody wants that. So yeah, I think that taking opinions and valuing people’s input is important, but never to the point where it’s diminishing your own wants or finances, I guess, even in this case.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely listen to your gut on that one and be on the same page with your partner and then yeah, move forward from there. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. Like I’m just realizing the time. I’m like, so sorry I took so much of your time. No,

Kendra Matthies: I can’t see the time, so I’m just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I’m a certified yapper. I love it. I love

Christa Innis: No, I remember you saying that last time. I love it. ’cause I, I, I get in that tendency of like just yapping too. And so like, I love when we’re on the same page as that. So can you, for everyone listening, can you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you’re working on and all that good stuff? Yeah,

Kendra Matthies: so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, um, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one, but it’s at Kendra Matthies, everywhere else, it’s just at Kendra Matthies. Um, I’m currently working on, uh, depending on when this is getting posted, I’m gonna be in Premier Anaheim, uh, Anaheim, California.

Uh, February 1st and second, I’m gonna be teaching multiple classes there. Otherwise, I have some other classes that I’m teaching. Come April, I’m gonna be in Chicago again for America’s beauty show, and then I am working on some. Independent classes. Oh, you guys heard it first, but I am working on some independent classes, um, coming up in this year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Very exciting. Sounds like a lot of fun things are coming up. Yes.

Kendra Matthies: So much fun.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thanks again for coming on. This was so much fun hanging out.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, it was great seeing you again. Congratulations on having a podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most podcasts don’t make it past the first five or six episodes, so Wow. That’s good. Look at you going, you’re rocking and rolling and I can’t wait to see what comes for you with the podcast. I love watching your skits and everything online and yeah, I think that you’re doing a great job.

Thanks. Thank you. Yes. All right. Well thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. And I will probably see you guys in a story time coming soon, because I told Christa I didn’t wanna share it here, but I think I’m gonna build up the courage to share it soon. Yay. Yes. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Makeup Mishaps to Wedding Dress Boundaries with Kendra Matthies

Should parents get a say in wedding decisions if they’re footing the bill?

This week on Here Comes the Drama, Christa sits down with bridal makeup artist and TikTok sensation Kendra Matthies to unpack the high-stakes dynamics of wedding planning. With nearly a decade in the bridal industry and over a million TikTok followers, Kendra shares jaw-dropping stories from her experience—like the time a mother of the bride turned a makeup trial into a full-blown meltdown.

Together, they tackle hot takes like whether parents should have control over a wedding when they’re paying, plus tips for setting boundaries while keeping the peace. Kendra also shares insights into bridal trends, must-haves, and what she wishes she did differently on her big day.

This is an episode you won’t want to miss! Tune in now for the laughs, the lessons, and maybe even a few tears.

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:42 Crazy Wedding Stories

08:23 Wedding Hot Takes

14:40 Navigating Wedding Opinions and Traditions

23:48 Wedding Story Submission

24:04 Dress Shopping Dilemma

26:27 Body Image and Boundaries

40:43 Weekly Confessions Game

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Kendra’s journey from casual TikTok creator to bridal makeup artist with over a million followers
A jaw-dropping wedding day story involving a difficult mother of the bride
The importance of setting boundaries as a wedding vendor and maintaining professionalism
Hot takes on plus-ones, engagement parties, and modern bridal trends
How to handle unsolicited opinions during wedding planning
Kendra’s advice for aspiring makeup artists in the bridal industry
Discussion on body image challenges and harmful wedding industry standards
A sneak peek at Kendra’s upcoming teaching events at beauty shows

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“You can give opinions without being a straight jerk. It should never be at the expense of someone’s self-esteem.” – Kendra Matthies
“Too many opinions are always going to ruin something—it’s overwhelming, and no one can absorb all that.” – Kendra Matthies
“It’s not the person’s body that’s the issue; it’s the cut or style of the dress.” – Kendra Matthies
“Just because someone is paying for something doesn’t mean it comes with strings attached or control over decisions.” – Kendra Matthies
“It’s so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing everybody around you because they keep telling you, ‘You have to do this.” – Christa Innis
“There’s no rulebook that everyone has to follow—it’s your wedding, your day, and your choice.” – Christa Innis
“Clothes are made to fit you, not the other way around.” – Christa Innis
“Sometimes setting boundaries gets you labeled as difficult, but protecting your peace is always worth it.” – Christa Innis

Mentioned in the Episode

BOOK: The Missing Series by Margaret Peterson Haddix
The Premiere Anaheim Show in February, where she’ll teach “Providing the Ultimate Bridal Experience from Request to Review.”
The America’s Beauty Show in April, where she’ll focus on “Long-Wearing Radiant Makeup Looks for Special Events.”

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a licensed Esthetician and professional Makeup Artist with over six years of experience in the beauty industry. Trained at the Multimedia Makeup Academy in Troy, MI, Kendra has built a thriving bridal makeup business in Michigan, where she specializes in making her clients feel confident and radiant on their big day.

Her passion for her work shines through every time she hands a mirror to a bride or groom, witnessing their joy as they see themselves transformed.

Beyond her artistry, Kendra is committed to giving back to her community and supporting organizations like The SafeCenter shelter in Owosso, MI.

Fun fact: Kendra also has a creative side! She loves to sing, was part of an acapella group in high school, and has amassed an incredible 1.1M followers on TikTok, where she shares beauty tips, stories, and more. Whether in her studio or online, Kendra’s mission is to inspire confidence and positivity.

Follow Kendra Matthies:

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

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From cozy hoodies to quirky mugs, there’s something for everyone in our collection. Your purchase helps keep the laughs coming, and it’s the perfect way to show your support.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Kendra, thank you so much for joining me today.

Kendra Matthies: Hi, thank you so much for inviting me. I’m so excited to be here.

Christa Innis:Yeah. I’m so excited. I know, like you are one of the names I constantly were seeing about, like, you guys should collaborate. I want to see her on your podcast. And so I’m so excited to have you on and just chat with you because you know, the ins and outs of weddings and you’ve had a lot of experience with people.

So I feel like our content is very similar. Yes. So for anyone that doesn’t know you, can you just tell us a little bit about you and what you do?

From Makeup Brushes to TikTok Fame: Kendra Matthies’ Journey

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, so my name is Kendra Matthews. I am a bridal makeup artist, special events makeup artist, and an esthetician. I have been in the Bridal makeup industry for nine years now.

So for a long time, I also started content creating on TikTok just for funsies, literally not knowing that any of this would ever happen or could be a possibility because I was definitely that kid, like trying to start a YouTube channel when I was like 12 years old and failing miserably. All of those have been privatized now.

So don’t go searching. I started content creating a little over four years ago, and now I have a little over a million followers on TikTok, which is so crazy. Yay, I love that.

Christa Innis: I think it just shows, like, kind of learning your audience and then what you enjoy making, because I think the YouTube thing is so funny because I remember too like making videos when I was like 12 like in my room or something being like well I mean, I don’t even know if there was youtube then I don’t know probably not but you know, you’re just making videos and trying to like talk like you’re on a show and it’s just like finding your thing.

Kendra Matthies: Because the way I would even do that without recording myself, I’ve literally been doing my makeup just being like, alright guys, now we’re going to take this perfume and we’re going to do a couple sprigs. And my mom’s like, who are you talking to? Yes. And I’m like, look mom, they got me somewhere talking to myself in a room.

Yeah, well, we probably grew up seeing like Home Shopping Network or something crazy like that on TV. Yeah, it’s just like, we just, yeah, we didn’t know what was coming yet. Yeah. So kind of jumping into crazy stories and hot takes.

Christa Innis: What’s like, The craziest or most like unforgettable thing you’ve seen or witnessed when it comes to wedding prep or, being at a wedding as either a guest or worker.

Setting Boundaries in the Wedding Industry

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. So obviously I’ve had a few things happen to cut to my 200 video playlist of crazy story times and stuff.I would say the craziest thing that I ever did. had happened directly to me was, I had one time where there was a mother of the bride and she really was very particular about her look that she wanted and I tried to advise like, Hey, given the, like wedding colors and stuff like that, I maybe wouldn’t suggest like this bright purple eyeliner.

I don’t think it’s going to look amazing. She wanted that with a heavy smokey eye. It was really intense. and given she was 80 something years old, I was trying to just advise that that might not be the best, but at the end of the day, it’s What she wants to look like, so I’m gonna do it. So, I do it, and she ends up, like, completely freaking out on me, and telling me, like, she’s never looked worse, there’s no way I’m a professional, there’s no way that I should be doing any makeup services on anybody, ever, because Clearly, I don’t know what I’m doing, because when she met a smokey eye, apparently she just met, like, a little bit of brown in the crease.

Like, she didn’t mean, like, a full smoky eye. So she goes to the bathroom, and she washes it all off, and I offer to do it again, because I care. That’s one thing about me, is I am a people pleaser, and a lot of people will comment on my videos and be like, I can’t believe, like, after somebody was so rude to you, you still continue to be nice, because I don’t know, to me, there are a lot of emotions that are happening on a wedding day, and I try to be really, like, sympathetic of people’s situations, and it could just be my idea of something was different than theirs, and let me try to fix that.

It happens. So anyway, she goes to the bathroom, she comes back, I offer to fix it, and she’s pretty much just like, No, you’ve done enough, I’m gonna do it myself, and like kind of, not shoves, but just like, forcefully pushes me out of the way with her elbow to get around me, cause I was kind of next to a vanity area, so she wanted access to the vanity so she could do it herself.

So she sits down, grabs her eyeliner, pencil or whatever, and starts going to town, And stabs herself in the eye. And of course that’s my fault. So she is livid. She is freaking out. Basically. Like I ruined her daughter’s big day. She can’t believe I would do something like this to her. and she’s just so upset and the bride is mortified.

She’s like, no, this is not Kendra’s fault. Like, it’s totally okay. Like. We will get it fixed. Everything will be fine. It’s not Kendra’s fault that you went and took off your makeup and then poked yourself in the eye. And it was just this huge blowout. Everybody’s trying to calm her down and she’s just not having it.

And finally she ends up just leaving and doing her makeup, like, Her house, which was up the street. She was like, I’m just going to go home and do it myself. And she ends up coming back when I like leaving. And I mean, she looked fine. Like she did a good job. And so I apologized again, as I was leaving, just saying, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to do what you were looking for today.

And she just cursed me out. It was just like, just get out of my face. Okay, have a great day. And she’s like, yeah, no, thanks to you. Okay. And again, my car and immediately cried and called my mom because what do you do when you’re 23 years old and having some lady scream at you because she poked herself in the eye.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh, that’s terrible. It’s like, I get what you’re saying too. It’s like, I get those comments too in skits where people are like, That person was way too nice. But it’s also like when you’re being a professional too, you don’t want to just go off on that person and you know, cause you’re like, you’re still trying to be kind about it and you don’t want to make the day worse. It’s so hard in those situations.

Kendra Matthies: It’s really hard because you have to, it’s a really big balancing act that I think that people don’t realize, like wedding vendors, not just makeup artists, but wedding vendors have where you do have to have some sort of like, Boundary that you’re setting where it’s like, Hey, I’m here, but I’m here doing a job.

I’m not here. Like I’m your buddy, like hanging out, doing whatever you could talk to me any sort of way, which we shouldn’t be talking to our friends rudely like that anyways. But, especially to me, there is that client professional line that needs to be kept while still having fun. But I feel like.

There is this hard balance of trying to keep that while also providing good service and trying to de-escalate situations without somehow bringing the focus all on yourself as a vendor. Like, it’s really about just keeping the vibes light and trying to just Move everything over and it is really hard.

And it’s like I said, not just even makeup artists. I’ve seen like DJs have to like to call everybody down because they accidentally played the wrong version of a song or something like it’s hard and mistakes happen, even if it’s not always the professional’s mistake and trying to just keep the vibes fun and keep the day going is hard as a vendor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you say like, my emotions are high and it just keeps going, it could just keep getting worse. So like, I think you did what you had to do at that point. Just be like, girl, you do your thing because yeah, if you don’t, it’s just going to, that there’s no fixing someone like that.

Someone like that’s just going to, okay. So the next part I want to talk about is wedding hot takes. So I’ve been asking people on Instagram to share different unpopular opinions or, they’re kind of, you know, I don’t know. I guess hot takes. We would call it. Yeah. So here are some things that people shared.

Okay. This person said, plus ones. Why do you have a bunch of people you don’t know at your wedding? My wedding isn’t a free date. So what’s your take on this and what side do you tend to fall on?

Who Should Attend Your Wedding

Kendra Matthies: I think that really comes to me, I have to take into perspective the type of wedding that it is and the type of bride or person that’s getting married to it.

Is because for me, I actually had a really small wedding. I had a very, very small wedding myself. We only had like 50 people there. So when it comes to, like, limited space and,limited. Food and things like that, like, there’s only so many plates of food. Do I really want my random cousin to bring some person that they’ve been dating for a week?

Maybe not. Just because it is so limited and I would rather it be like, closer friends and family. But that’s just me. I think that it really depends on the person that is getting married to say like, Hey, I’m having this shoot. There’s already gonna be 300 people there. Bring your neighbor. What does it matter?

So I think it just depends on who it is and their comfort level with that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Cause, we had like 140 or something, and for the most part everyone had a significant other that was being invited, but if it was someone, yeah, like, just like, bring a random plus one, or like a cousin that’s like 15 years old, I’m like, you don’t really need to fly and bring your girlfriend. You’re gonna be coming with your parents and siblings.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, I think it’s definitely like a case by case basis, but I can see where it would be irritating for some people where it’s like, you are putting so much money into weddings and for somebody to be there that doesn’t, one, probably even want to be there because I know that there’s times where people are plus ones to weddings and they’re like, I don’t know.

My boyfriend made me come and I guess I’m here. I don’t know. It’s like, do you want that energy at your wedding? Do you care if that’s energy at your wedding? Or is it just, yeah. I’m just so happy I’m getting married that I don’t care who’s there. So that’s where I’m like, I think it kind of depends.

But I can see kind of both sides where it would be irritating to some, but other people would just be like, no, I don’t care.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, this next one, engagement parties seem unnecessary when you have a bridal shower as well.

Kendra Matthies: So I did not do an engagement party myself, personally. I think that was my perspective too, being that I was having a smaller wedding that I was like, if I do an engagement party and then I do a bridal shower, like, I kind of just did like a repeat party.

I think that comes down to Again, and I don’t mean to be a broken record, just kind of the type of person that’s getting married, like, is it very traditional in their culture to do engagement parties where that’s like, super important to them? Or is it just like, hey, I have been saving for this my entire life.

I want to do all the things. I want to do an engagement party. I want to do the bridal shower. I want to do the bachelorette. Like, I want to do everything. I think that it does kind of just come down to the type of person that’s getting married and what their expectations of their wedding is, but I think that it is to me.

If it’s not something that you’ve always dreamed of doing, or if it’s not something that you’ve always, like, planned on budget wise. It’s not necessary, I would say. I wouldn’t say that it’s something that, Oh great, I have to do this engagement party now, and now I’m cutting into my funds that I could be using to maybe get my favorite photographer for the wedding or something.

Like, I think that budget comes in mind with those things, and I don’t know. I just, I don’t think that it’s fully necessary unless it’s something that you’ve always planned on or that maybe somebody is going to throw it to you. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I totally agree with that. i think it’s too, it’s like, it does seem like one event after another, especially if your actual proposal was kind of an event or like a surprise little thing.

Yeah. Then why spend more money for a party?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, I can see that too. Yeah, I think that for sure if there was a proposal where it was like a big celebration, like, yeah, isn’t that like your engagement party? But yeah, I can see where different cultures would maybe do different things or just, you know, My family has always done it this way. So that’s how we do this type of thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah, there’s a couple of stories that people have submitted to me where the mother in law really wants an engagement party and she wants to host it. And the bride’s like, not about that extra attention. So that’s where I’m like, you got to stick to what? Yeah, I think that.

When Too Many Opinions Overwhelm the Bride

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, if it’s not something you want to do, like, don’t do it. Like, I personally didn’t want to do a bachelorette party because I can’t drink alcohol, I’m allergic to, like, everything. I can’t, like, do a lot of standing on my feet because I’m, like, disabled. if you don’t know, I have POTS, I have hip replacement, like, I can’t just, like, be running around doing everything all the time.

So, to me, it wasn’t worth it. I had people offer to throw it for me, but I’m just like, What are we gonna do? it’s not something I want to do, and I’m grateful that nobody, like, pushed back on that, and was like, no, you have to do it, because I can’t imagine being in that situation where it’s like, and I hear it from my brides all the time, like, oh, yeah, so and so’s throwing my bridal shower, and like, I really wanted it to be very simple, very low key, and there’s an ice sculpture that you’re gonna pour your drink into.

I think that that’s where it gets hard when you are getting married because a lot of people feel very entitled to your wedding, especially the people close to you, and it is hard to say no respectfully, but I think it’s okay to say no, and there might be pushback for that, and there might be like a little bit of discourse that happens because of that.

But at the end of the day, it’s like, do you want to look back and be like, yeah, I don’t know what that bridal shower was. Like, I wasn’t even having fun or I didn’t, I don’t know what was going on there. I didn’t really even want to do that. I think it’s important to set those boundaries and be like, no, this is what I want.

And let life run its course, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, totally. I think it’s so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing everybody around you because they keep telling you, like, you have to do this. Because then I’ve noticed too, it’s like, even if in your own mind, your husband or your wife, you guys talk together and you’re like, this is what we want, this is what we don’t want.

But then when people start coming in, they’re like, no, you need this. Then you’re like, wait, do I? Am I gonna regret it? And then you start questioning your own decisions.

Kendra Matthies: I think that what happens a lot with weddings is, kind of like what I was just saying, like, it’s so A lot of people feel entitled to it.

One, because usually they’re very excited for you. I mean, the people that are trying to give you the most opinions and things like that, they’re usually like your close friends or family. However, it does get to the point where it’s like there’s too many opinions. And, too many opinions are always going to ruin something.

That’s why, on a side note, but kind of as an example, when I’m doing bridal trials, when the bride comes in, gets their makeup done, and we do the trial preview, whatever, I’ve changed up the name of it, it’s called a preview now, but when we do that, I typically only ask that they bring maybe one or two people, because I’ve had in the past where they brought like their entire bridal party, okay, well, Susan has never worn makeup.

She doesn’t like what makeup looks like on anybody, so obviously she’s gonna think that you look like a clown if you have, like, a tinted moisturizer on. So, I think that too many opinions can really overwhelm people. So, I think it’s important when you, like, hear some of those opinions, if it’s not coming from somebody that you already feel like, yes, this person gets it.

This person, like, sees the vision. They know what I want. Just in one ear, out the other. You can’t let it fully absorb into you, because it gets really overwhelming. Because a lot of it, unfortunately, does fall, usually, onto the bride, or, feel like it’s really easy to have all of those opinions and duties and, like, What color linens am I gonna do?

Like, everything in your brain all at once. Plus, a lot of people forget, like, yes, you’re planning this massive event, but most of the time, you’re still working, you’re still living your day to day life, so to have, like, I’m gonna go to work as a nurse, Work this crazy shift, but I’m also thinking like, oh my word, like, I have to do this cake testing and I have to do this and I have to do that and it can just get really overwhelming.

So add people’s opinions into that that are conflicting and crazy. It’s going to drive you mad. And that’s where I think a lot of the time bridezilla’s happen because it’s just too many opinions, too many things happening in somebody’s head. And nobody can absorb all that. Nobody can hold all of that.

So I think that, like I was saying, if it’s not coming from somebody that you respect their opinion, want their opinion at all, just in one ear and out the other is the best advice I can give. Mile a nod.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Like thank you for your opinion. I will consider and then move on with it. Yeah.

Exciting. If you feed into it, you’re just going to keep getting more opinions and they’re going to be like, Oh, I’ve got some say here and right. And who wants that? Not me. Yeah. Okay. So what are your, so these are kind of like hot take questions. If you are planning a wedding today, what’s one modern trend that you would absolutely include and what’s, or what’s one that you would absolutely not include?

The Freedom to Celebrate Your Day, Your Way

Kendra Matthies: I definitely would include either the first look or the first touch. I really regret not doing that, just because I really love that first touch thing that’s become a lot more popular. I feel like first looks can be kind of hard because if it is super, like, important to your culture not to see each other.

Then obviously, like, that’s not gonna work. But the first touch, I think, is so cute. And the amount of times I’ve been asked, like, Hey, can I book you for an extra hour to just, like, stay until the first touch is done because I’m gonna be a wreck. And then I’m, like, sitting in the back bawling my eyes out about this bride that I’ve only known for, like, six months because that’s the cutest thing I’ve literally ever seen in my entire life.

I wish I would have done that because that is such, just, like, a cute little intimate moment that, I really wish I would have done something that I probably wouldn’t do. I mean, I was pretty untraditional with my wedding. I had, like, a friend marry us. I got married in, like, this loft studio thing.

I didn’t have a DJ. I didn’t have a phone. Bridesmaids, that’s a hot take. I didn’t have bridesmaids. Mostly for the fact that like, real, real talk, I don’t have a, I didn’t at the time, have a lot of close friends. And I was like, I don’t know, who am I gonna make my bridesmaid? My mom? Like, yeah, but also like, That’s sad, and my husband at the time, he didn’t, well, he is still my husband, but my husband at the time of the wedding didn’t have very many close friends either, so it was like, do we have his dad?

Which, it would have been sweet, but I don’t know, I just, that’s something I didn’t want to do, so I would say maybe that would be something that’s untraditional that I would keep, because my drama level, zero. My stress over the day with, like, getting other people ready and all of that. So, I would say if you’re somebody that is like me that maybe doesn’t have a lot of close friends or family that you’re like, Oh my gosh, I could not imagine my wedding without them.

I think that it’s not a bad thing to have it just be you and your partner up there. I think that’s actually really sweet. Rather than trying to put people into your wedding that maybe even a year later, you don’t even talk to them anymore. So I think being mindful of if you’re going to have people who those people are, but also true to yourself that if you’re like, I know that I don’t have anybody close and there’s nobody that I really want up there, don’t force it.

Because I just think that’s not. needed. So yeah, yeah. I think that’s the answer. Yeah. No, that’s a good one.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve been to weddings before where they didn’t have a wedding party. And I think it’s knowing yourself and knowing what you want for your day. And I, there’s so many where I read a story where, they each just wanted one person and the man, I think it was, no, the sister, the twin sister was trying to force her way.

Yeah. Into being a bridesmaid because it was her brother getting married and they were like, oh, we’re just gonna have one each She’s like, well, I’m the best man I should be on his side and it was this whole thing and it’s and you hear about parents pressuring their other Sibyl or other kids to be in the wedding Yes, like just because your siblings does not mean they have to be in the wedding it’s even just

Kendra Matthies: because they’re close siblings like my brother and I are like best friends, but When I made that decision that I just didn’t really want anyone up there, it’s not that I excluded him from the day.

He had other things that he was doing throughout the day and he was honestly the reason that that wedding went as well as it did because he helped, like I said, I didn’t have a DJ. I had a playlist that I made. He turned on the music, turned it off at the same or at the correct times. He helped Flip the room because the loft that we had, it was like set up for the wedding.

And then my husband, his name is Dallas, so that I could just say Dallas. Dallas and I started to go take photos. And during that time, my brother flipped the room to have it be like the reception and all of that. And I think that I valued that a lot more than I would have of him just Standing up there and then having to come with us everywhere and yes, he’s like in photos and stuff, but I mean, the way we did it, I was able to have him in all the photos that I wanted him in anyway.

We still got our like individuals and our couple with him. Like, I think I valued that more. So I think that just because, you know, Even if you’re not close to your siblings, but especially if you are close to your siblings, if you’re still like, I really would just like it to be just us, that’s not bad.

And there are other ways to have them be involved in the day where it’s still special.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. There’s no rulebook that everyone has to follow. Yeah. So it makes it unique and

Kendra Matthies: I think that that’s the thing that is or not hard, but I think that that’s the thing that gets Overwhelming for a lot of people that are getting married.

It’s like, well, I have to do it this way because it’s always been done that way, or I have to do it this way because, so and so did their wedding that way. Like, no, it’s your day. You could literally get married on top of a mountain with a random person marrying you guys. Like, it doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

You can do whatever you want and, you know, Yeah,

Christa Innis: no, totally, totally agree. I feel like a broken record. Sometimes when I say it on, in my content, because so many times you have so many opinions, like, even when I’m trying to share like a point, when I share a skit, people be like, well, if the mom’s paying, then she should be able to control everything.

And I’m like, no, that’s not how it works. I’m trying to like, show it doesn’t

Kendra Matthies: like matter. It doesn’t matter because your, gift of paying shouldn’t come with like, Requirements and things like that like that’s not really the point my parents helped out with our wedding But they also let me have that freedom like they were they helped pay for the food Okay, I have a gajillion and a half food allergies.

So they weren’t like, oh, well, yeah, you’re gonna have We ended up having this place called Tata’s Grill, which is, like Middle Eastern food, because I could have a lot of that food, because a lot of it doesn’t have gluten milk and corn in it, slay. But They weren’t like, ooh, nobody’s gonna like that, or ooh, the traditional is like chicken and potatoes and da da da da da.

They were like, okay, yeah, if that’s what you want, if that’s what’s safe for you, then perfect. Like, there’s no kickback there. And that’s how I feel like a lot of things should be. And I just find it odd when, yeah, GIFs come with those. Strings and those like requirements like you have to do it this way because I’m paying for it.

No, that’s not a gift. That’s holding something over my head and that’s not That’s toxic.

Breaking Free from Wedding Weight Stereotypes

Christa Innis: Yeah okay, so let’s jump into This week’s wedding story submission. So I kind of broke it up so we can kind of like Stop me at any time too. And we can kind of just react to it as we go. I have not read it.

So we’ll react, as I read it. Okay. Okay. My fiance has a kind of a tricky relationship with her mother who lives halfway across the country. We love her very much, but she can be extremely intense. And when my fiance was young, her mom inadvertently contributed to a lot of body image issues, lots of clothes shopping ended up in arguments and tears.

When we got engaged. The future mother in law was extremely excited and happy for us, and she wanted to be involved as much as possible. But it was kind of hard with her being so far away. She had a lot of crazy ideas, including catering our entire 125 person wedding with just herself and her sister out of an Airbnb.

It took months of telling her and reminding her how impractical that was and how it didn’t fit our vision before she gave it up. My future mother in law wanted to come visit to help my fiance pick out a dress, but my fiance really felt really uncomfortable with that because she knew her mom was going to be way too intense about it.

And she wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy herself enough to fall in love with a dress. So we made a plan. We are both women and we were both wearing dresses at our wedding. Before she came to visit, we went dress shopping with just our friends and told our future mother in law that we were dress shopping for me.

But in reality, the appointment was for her. Oh gosh, I feel like I can see where this is going.

Kendra Matthies: I think so too. I’m

Christa Innis: like,

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: I don’t know. It’s kind of like, we’re just talking about like, Holding the strings over somebody’s head. I need to be involved in this. Oh, geez. Okay. She found a beautiful dress that she loves and looks amazing on her.

And we called my future mother-in -law and told her that, unfortunately, we couldn’t find anything that I liked, but by coincidence, my fiancé just happened to find the perfect dress. And we were so sad that she couldn’t be there for it, but it was just so perfect and meant to be.

but we could change the appointment we made for my fiancé to go dress shopping during her visit to pick out a dress for me instead, which was really the plan all along. She was a little disappointed, but she was glad that my fiancé found the perfect dress and excited to help me find mine. This way she still gets to be involved and we get some bonding time together.

but my fiancé will either confront her mother about her behavior or have to suck it up to go through a really stressful dress shopping experience and be much less likely to criticize her. At least I hope so. She’s visiting this week and we are going shopping on Monday.

Also, I may already have a dress picked out anyway. I went with my mom and my sisters who are pretty chill and supportive. I found a dress I really like. Okay, That was no drama.

Kendra Matthies: I think that it wasn’t not no drama, I think that it does lead an interesting conversation to

boundaries and Kind of doing the non traditional. Thanks. Like, yeah, I think that when I went bridal dress shopping myself when I did not go to a normal dress shop, I went to this place called timeless bridal boutique and it’s this lady’s house that you go and her boutiques in the basement, but all of the dresses are brand new.

They’re all under 1000. Like, it’s really cool. But she has like a, you can only bring so many people. And for me, I grew up, I could actually relate a lot to this story. So I think it’s actually a good one that you pick. I can relate a lot to some people in my life contributing to bad body image because of shopping and because of things like that.

To the point where it’s like, I hate going clothes shopping. It can be really hard. So. I think that it does kind of open that conversation as to just because somebody wants to be really involved and does, that’s, I think I’m reading this right. It would be her mother, the one that provided the bad body image and stuff, right?

So just because that’s your mom and that’s what’s normal and you maybe would want them there to an extent because it’s your mom. If you know that in the end that’s just going to cause you, like, hurt, I think that it is okay to not have that person there. I kind of question how this is going to end. I don’t know if there’s an update to this one or not, but I’m kind of interested to see how this is ending because I can see this kind of going a couple of different ways where maybe, they go to do the One that’s the fiancé, and the mother in law comes and is helping shop for the dress and starts to be extremely harsh to the fiancé about their body and maybe, yes, you spared the daughter of this person, the direct the Attacks and whatnot that might be happening, but now you’re the one absorbing it.

And is that fair? So I’m interested to know if it ended that way, but I could also see where down the road, potentially, this mother in law might be like. Well, I didn’t even get to go to my daughter’s wedding dress thing and was very resentful because of that. I’m sad that the fiance couldn’t have that conversation with their mom and that it did have to kind of be like a secret

Christa Innis: thing.

Kendra Matthies: But I can see why she did that. I can see why you didn’t want to even bring up that conversation . I’m sorry, but I can’t have you there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it is sad that it had to be that way. I feel bad for that bribe that it couldn’t just be a, a, I am bringing these people and you’re not one of them type of thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like, now it’s like, That mother is going, I don’t know, like you’re kind of opening yourself up now to that mother critiquing. Hopefully maybe she wouldn’t have the same reaction to her daughter’s fiance. I would hope not. Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I would hope not unless it’s just going to be, well, I didn’t get to have this experience with my daughter, so I’m going to be extra critical of you.

I don’t know. Yeah. I would hope not though. i am happy though that she said that when it was said like, hey, we just happened to come across this dress and it was just so perfect that she didn’t have an immediate, like, negative reaction. Like, it just said that she was pretty much just bummed, but she was glad that she found something.

So that’s good and gives me a little bit of hope that maybe she wouldn’t be so negative at the fiancé’s dress trial, but I don’t know. Yeah. I don’t know. That’s a tough one. Yeah. But unfortunately, one that we see a lot. I mean, look at, like, Those wedding dress shows like all over the place that you’ll see where people are like, it’s almost like the point of the show is look at how these people are being so mean to this bride.

That’s trying on dresses. And they’ll be like, Oh my gosh, your hips can’t pull off that dress. And it’s like, dude, she’s like a normal person. What do you mean? Like, I don’t know. I don’t get it.

Christa Innis: I know. I actually just saw one recently from say yes to the dress and Okay, I guess I should back up a little bit, but like, it makes me wonder if like, The mom had always been like this, kind of like in this story where she’s like, she knew the mom was kind of controlling and had some comments when the daughter was growing up.

So she was good about protecting her peace and protecting her boundaries and saying no, in a very, smart way, you know, not like upfront, but,In this scenario, this girl had her mother there and she loved these different dresses and every single dress, the mom had a critique.

Like, even if she was like, Oh, this is the perfect dress. I feel like myself. And she’s like, no, you don’t look good. And then she would just like, say these things. And this is like on broadcasted on TV and she ended up and they showed it too. She ended up in the dressing room crying because of the dress that she was like, Oh, this is it.

This is it. The mom was like, no, look how it is, I don’t remember what it was. It was like hugging your side or some kind of critique. And then she just, and I feel like it taints the dress because then you’re thinking about the dress instead of being like, Oh, I feel so beautiful in this dress. You’re like, Oh, is hugging my back weird? Or does it look too

Kendra Matthies: flashy? I think when you’re going dress shopping, you are somebody who may be invited to go dress shopping with somebody. First of all, that’s a huge honor, because clearly they value your opinion enough that they want you to be there. But there are ways to give your opinion on things that aren’t just being a straight jerk.

Like, you can give opinions on things that are like, I think it’s almost like the everyday thing, where if it’s not something you can fix, In like five minutes. If it’s not something that, oh, it just needs to be hemmed, or it needs to be taken in here, or maybe it needs, like, a little extra coverage in the cup or something.

If it’s not something that could be easily fixed and it’s something to do with that person’s body, we don’t need to talk about it. We don’t need to, oh, that’s not flattering on you. Oh, that’s not da da da da da. Because it really should never be about the person’s body. It should be about the piece of clothing and it should be about, like,

Christa Innis: Mm hmm.

Kendra Matthies: I don’t know. For me, your girl’s got hips for days. I’ve got, I’ve got a large hip. So when I tried on a more fitted style, it wasn’t that I was the issue. It’s not that my body needs to lose, however much weight to fit this dress better. It’s that the cut of the dress is not wide enough for me.

And that’s how my family that was with me worded it. They just said that just the cut of this isn’t wide enough for you. And that’s not your fault. It’s just the style of dress. So I think that when people are going to these dress appointments and stuff like that, you have to be mindful of the fact that like, yes, you can give your opinion to an extent, but it can’t ever be at the expense of somebody’s like, Self.

It can’t be at the expense of like, Oh my gosh, your cleavage is just pouring out of the top, and it’s just so bad, and da da da da da. Is it really that? Or are the cups maybe too small? Maybe just the cut of the dress is very low, and that’s the issue. It’s not the person. It’s not their fault; that’s how the garment looks on them.

So I think that people need to be really mindful when they go on these shopping experiences for that, because yeah, then it gets the person thinking like, Wow. I can never wear this style of dress or wow. I can never look good in a dress or why am I even trying on so many because everything I’m wearing out there is just getting something negative and it’s about me, not the garment.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like the quote, clothes are made to fit you, not the other way around, because people think like, I did lose five pounds to fit in this dress. It’s like, no, just buy a dress that fits you. Fits your body. Exactly.

Kendra Matthies: And it’s really sad because also in the bridal industry with dresses, a lot of the times, the sizing of the dresses are way different than street sizes.

So that really starts to make people think like, oh my word, like I’m already wearing, like I’m normally a size eight, but I’m wearing like a size 16 in a dress. Like this is insane. And da da da da da. And. I think that’s where it’s also like, clearly size does not matter in this industry, because things are always going to be different.

But it’s also like, I don’t know, a brand of jeans can have like a size eight, but you try on every size eight and they’re all going to be a little bit different because of the material or the cut of the fabric. Like it’s just, I don’t know. Yeah. You can’t take into effect your body versus the cut of the dress or the style of the dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. As you were talking, as you were talking, I was thinking too of like my wedding hot take and I don’t even know if it’s a hot take, but this is something I’m so sick of hearing because I heard it a lot when I was engaged and I wonder if you did too, but, let’s say like after I was engaged, I’d be like at like either like some kind of event or party, not like big, just like with friends or family or something.

And I would. Eat, put food on my plate and someone would make a comment about what I was eating because they’re like, Oh, are you shedding for the wedding? Or, Oh, we’re trying to get fit into that wedding dress. And I heard this so many times that I was like, should I be losing weight? Like, and you just start questioning yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Like, I never was like that it’s a really harmful thing that is very, very prevalent in this industry for sure, because I’ll hear it when I’m just, doing a bridal trial, and I’ll be like, Oh, hey, by the way, when you guys are heading out, there’s a nice little, like, cafe up the street that if you guys want to go get sandwiches or something, and maybe the person that’s with them is like, Oh, no, we are just trying to keep it light, or there’s a chocolate shop a couple doors down from me, and I’m like, they have some really awesome chocolate, like, make a treat of today, like, get yourself a little chocolate or something, and they’re like, Oh, no, she really shouldn’t, and it’s like, Why, why that is so prevalent. I don’t understand. And it’s a really strong issue with some of my plus-size brides that I have.

Like, the stories that they’ve told me when they’ve gone wedding dress shopping of the heinous things that people have said—either the family members that are with them or even the dress shops.

Some of the things that they have been told are just awful and seamstresses say just the worst things and I just clearly think the person they’re marrying loves them for who they are as a person and probably for how they look in this moment. Why is there this big culture? The standard is if you have to lose so much weight or lose this much before the wedding that you can fit into a dress or buy a dress size that’s two times smaller than what you should be wearing so that you can have a goal.

Like, why isn’t the goal just to be who you are? Why does it have to be that I have to change myself to get married? Why, why am I not good enough as I am? And I just, I’ve never understood that. I think that it makes sense to, if you’ve already bought a dress, it fits you, and it’s the size that it is, like, yeah, just keep doing what you’re doing, maybe don’t, like, completely go off the deep end, I guess I should say, and just, like, expect that, oh, I’ve put on a little bit of weight, it’s gonna fix, or it’s gonna fit exactly the same, but even then, like, dresses can be let out, like, things can I don’t know.

I just don’t understand why it is such a common thing to, oh, you have to lose weight.I just don’t, I don’t get that. I hate that. I hate

Christa Innis: How is it so tied to weddings? It’s like, open page, like, try to lose weight. It’s so common. Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, like, truly the standard, which I, don’t understand, because one, as somebody who has struggled in the past with, like, an eating disorder, like, let’s say somebody else has, they finally get stable, they’re in a loving relationship, they’re wanting to get married, and they found the dress that’s perfect for them, and now they’re just trying to celebrate with their family at, their bridal shower or something, and let them eat the second slice of cake!

Don’t comment on that. It doesn’t matter because all that’s going to do is throw them right back into that situation that they were in before where they are constantly thinking of it. And again, like I was saying before, if you’re working full time, having all of these random opinions in your head, having all these responsibilities, and then additionally thinking about your appearance 24 7, It’s going to drive you crazy and that’s how you end up with bridezilla’s and that’s why I think that with this career there comes a lot of having to be sympathetic towards people and be understanding that yes emotions are high because think about what this person’s been thinking about they’ve been thinking about how the linens have to be perfect and how the flowers need to be the right type of flower and how their dress needs to fit them perfectly because Aunt Susan said if I gain five pounds, I’m going to be an ugly bride.

Like, you, it’s a lot to put on somebody and that’s where I think that having that understanding and kindness towards somebody on their wedding day is super important, even if They are high strung or they’re very just like, ooh, you have to be understanding and that’s why a lot of the times in my stories you’ll see it’s usually not the bride that I’m talking about in the weddings because a lot of the times if they do something to me at a wedding or if it’s like really like, unless they are like that the entire day and they’re basically telling me to like, get lost by the end of it, where I’m like, whoa, that was a lot.

Nine times out of ten, if something happened in a moment of just like, ah, within like an hour they’re coming up to me apologizing, like, it’s just a lot to put on somebody and it can be just very overwhelming.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, definitely. I know. I see comments sometimes on my skits that are like, you should talk about bridezilla as you talk about mothers all the time.

And I’m like, if you’re getting mad, maybe look in the mirror for a second. And I was like, I do talk about others or have skits around other people. But a lot of the stories are sent to me by brides from their own experiences. And so I just want to showcase that experience. And of course ,there are bridezillas, but you’re absolutely right saying, I think a lot of times it’s them knowing to set their boundaries and just in general, if women, a lot of times say no or have a boundary, they are.

Called certain words, and so I think in general, it’s just knowing like, okay, I’m going to protect my space here. This is what I want, and you know, I want to move on from that. Totally agree. And I know we’re getting towards the end of our time, so I don’t want to, I want to respect your time here. We got one last thing.

Wedding Confessions Tea Party

It’s our weekly confessions game and how this works is I’m going to read confessions that people sent me on Instagram. Oh, gosh. And just rate them from, one is mild tea and ten is Absolute chaos. If you have anything to add, feel free to ask. Okay. This first one. My husband’s cousin drank their mini bottle of champagne, which was the favor, then stole more off my family’s tables.

Kendra Matthies: I think that’s like two. That’s a little annoying, that’s a little like, what the heck, but definitely not like the craziest things. I mean, when people are drunk, they do silly things.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. My sister-in-law told me if I ever had a wedding, she wouldn’t come. She lives an hour and a half away.

Kendra Matthies: I’d give that like an eight. That’s a lot. Like, that’s a lot. Like, I think that you are really just saying, like, you are not worth an hour of my time. You are not worth an hour and a half of my driving time, and you are my sister. Like, wow, that’s

Christa Innis: sad. And it’s not even saying, like, she’s already engaged and has a date set and was like, oh, I can’t make it.

She’s like,if you ever have one,

Kendra Matthies: I’m

Christa Innis: Not gonna squeeze it into my busy life. Um, okay, last one. SiSister-in-law nailed the cake. Mother-in-law got a last-minute cake that looked and tasted like crap, and then she dropped it.

Kendra Matthies: I would have to say that’s at least a nine. At least a nine. Because nothing’s worse than when you feel like you have everything under control, everything’s like that somebody bails on something, and then, It’s just like this huge rush of trying to get it fixed, and then for it to end up bad, and then dropped, like, that’s awful, that sucks.

That’s awful. Just one thing after another, just at that point. For real. Yeah. I’d just be like, you know what, everybody gets a cupcake or a crumble cookie, like, that’s all we get. Yeah. We gotta deal with it. Aw. Yeah. That’s sad.

Christa Innis: Oh, my gosh. All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It was great. It was so nice

Kendra Matthies: to virtually meet you.

Yes, I

Christa Innis: love it.

Kendra Matthies: Yes,

Christa Innis: I know. I feel like we have such similar audiences and content. And so yeah, it was a perfect lab. Yes, it was destiny

Kendra Matthies: We needed to meet.

Christa Innis: I’m so excited. So can you tell everyone where they can find you, follow you and any other projects you’re working on?

Kendra Matthies: So you can find me on, tick tock at Kendra underscore Matthews.

And then it’s Kendra Matthews on Instagram, on YouTube, and on Facebook. I am working on just a lot of education this year. I’m going to be teaching a lot at beauty shows. So, the most prevalent one will be in February. I will be at the premier Anaheim show teaching, Kind of a good class in regards to what we were talking about where it’s Providing the ultimate bridal experience from request to review.

And it’s kind of going behind the scenes of how to streamline your booking processes and things like that, but also how to provide that great day of service. And also kind of handling different situations that might come up, just ways to kind of, Boost yourself as a makeup artist. I would say, especially in the bridal industry.

So that’s coming up here in February. And then in April, I will be at America’s beauty show teaching a long-wearing radiant makeup look for special events.

Christa Innis: Oh, cool. And I know everyone can’t see you, but I have to say, I love your lip color. What

Kendra Matthies: Is it? Thank you. I need a new red. So, just so happens to be right next to me because I definitely touched it up before I got on here, this is the Jane Iredale color lipstick in the shade scarlet, which looks,

Christa Innis: I was just thinking I’m like, cause I know we’re recording this before Christmas.

It’s going to come out after, but I was like, I need a red for Christmas. So maybe I’ll look, Oh,

Kendra Matthies: I love these. They’re like a one-swipe. Amazing lipstick. Yeah. They’re great.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. Awesome.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Blog Transcript:

From Makeup Brushes to TikTok Fame: Kendra Matthies’ Journey

Setting Boundaries in the Wedding Industry

Who Should Attend Your Wedding

When Too Many Opinions Overwhelm the Bride

The Freedom to Celebrate Your Day, Your Way

Breaking Free from Wedding Weight Stereotypes

Wedding Confessions Tea Party

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