wedding rules

Would you risk a lifelong friendship over a wedding rule? Cora Lakey did—and it went viral. In this episode, Christa chats with Cora about the controversial wedding FAQ that lit up the internet, the truth behind her no plus-one policy, and why people still struggle with brides having boundaries.

They also dive into how social media shapes public opinion, how post-COVID relationships shifted weddings, and why guests sometimes act like the event is about them.

If you’ve ever been labeled a “bridezilla” for setting standards, this conversation is the validation you’ve been waiting for.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:05 Cora’s Social Media Journey

01:35 The Wedding FAQ Controversy

06:01 Wedding Guest Etiquette and Boundaries

17:31 Wedding Drama Debates

30:04 Story Submission: Overbearing In-Laws

33:36 Navigating Boundaries with In-Laws

35:38 The Wedding Guest List Dilemma

37:20 Financial Control and Wedding Decisions

43:01 Handling Online Criticism

49:44 Mother-in-Law’s Wedding Day Antics

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• The Viral Wedding FAQ – Cora explains the behind-the-scenes of her infamous guest FAQ and why it wasn’t as outrageous as it seemed.
• When Plus-Ones Become Dealbreakers – Hear how Cora’s decision to limit plus-ones led to the end of a seven-year friendship.
• Losing Friends, Gaining Clarity – A deep dive into how post-COVID life and weddings revealed who really mattered.
• Wedding Industry Pressure – Christa and Cora reflect on the unrealistic standards brides face and how it feeds the bridezilla narrative.
• Boundaries Aren’t Offensive – The duo discuss why people still bristle at women setting boundaries—especially during weddings.
• Guest Behavior: The Entitlement Era – Cora shares real stories of guests behaving badly and the hard truths brides have to deal with.
• Misunderstood on the Internet – What happens when a TikTok explodes on the wrong side of the internet? Cora shares how she handled it.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “People don’t realize they can just scroll if they don’t like it.” – Christa Innis
• “Why is it always the bride who’s labeled difficult?” – Christa Innis
• “If you’re offended, maybe you need to look in the mirror.” – Christa Innis
• “Boundaries aren’t mean—they’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
• “Other people’s opinions of you? None of your business.” – Christa Innis
• “People hate women who say no.” – Cora Lakey
• “We weren’t inviting strangers—we were inviting people who mattered.” – Cora Lakey
• “I’ve used these wedding rules hundreds of times in events. They were never controversial—until TikTok.” – Cora Lakey
• “Humans are the only unpredictable element in planning.” – Cora Lakey
• “No one cares about your dog, no one cares about your baby—it’s your wedding.” – Cora Lakey

About Cora

Cora Lakey is a TikToker whose content career kicked off with a story involving her own wedding drama! Now with over 100k followers, she covers lifestyle, commentary on all things pop culture – and of course wedding hot takes!

Follow Cora Lakey

• TikTok
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• YouTube

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

• Website
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• Instagram
• Youtube
• Facebook

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Cora. Thank you so much for coming on. Hi Christa. Thanks for having me. I am so excited to talk to you today. We were just saying before recording, I was like, I feel like I know you through seeing all your content and it’s one of those like funny, like weird things with social media. ’cause when you see someone enough, you’re like, oh, just catching up with an old friend, but we’ve never met.

So how are you?

Cora Lakey: Thanks for coming on. I’m good. I know that’s the beauty of the internet. You make so many best friends all over the world. I love it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So for anyone that doesn’t know you or doesn’t follow you, can you just tell us a little bit about you and, you, we’ll kind of get into it.

Cora Lakey: So I’m mainly a TikTok creator.

I post basically just what I’m going through in my life and I feel like I got a lot of momentum through my wedding, FAQ, which was very controversial apparently. and I kind of just talk about whatever I’m experiencing in that moment. So ironically, right now I’m going through a divorce, so I’ve been talking about that a lot.

But I’ll continue to talk about my journey through life online.

Christa Innis: yeah. I remember, you were featured in a story about your own wedding, FAQ, and people were like going crazy over it. So let’s talk about that. in this FAQ? What did people have the like, hardest time understanding about it?

The Wedding FAQ That Sparked a Storm

Cora Lakey: I feel like the entire thing was taken, blown out of proportion.

So a little bit about my background. I worked in the events industry forever. I started doing weddings at, you know, the luxury level in Los Angeles, then I moved to doing corporate events at tech companies. So that’s actually how I ended up in the Bay Area. So I thought a lot of these things were just common sense and that people were used to seeing them because in my professional experience, I’ve word for word used these hundreds of times.

So I had no reason to think the internet would be disturbed by it at all. oh man. I think one of them was I implemented, like color suggestions. So it wasn’t necessarily like you have to wear these specific colors, but just gave suggestions of different colors to where I think people were really confused by that.

But now it seems pretty commonplace. I’m trying to think. I haven’t looked at it in so long. I said if people were late that they would be guided to like a waiting area. But I think it came off as very direct. So people thought they would be turned away if they were late to the ceremony. I said there was an unplugged ceremony.

People were upset that they couldn’t be on their phones, like people were just, yeah. just so many things. And one of the parts that I think maybe was more controversial, as I said, we were doing no plus ones, And I think that got a little bit blown outta proportion. I can provide context later on, but I think people thought it was such a hot take not to offer a hot a plus one to a wedding.

and I ended up mentioning that I lost a seven year friendship because of it. And I think that was the thing that people held onto was they were like, there’s like a juicy story here. We wanna hear what’s going on. so I think it just all compounded where, people were kind of picking each one apart until I was like, okay, I need to address this because this is,

Christa Innis: it’s crazy.

Like I was just talking to someone how like whenever a bride has like guidelines or rules or wanna help something, they’re automatically considered a bridezilla. But it’s like, if there were no rules or like people just went willy-nilly, like, then it would be complete opposite. Like, oh, she’s so disorganized, or this was not a good plan, or this wasn’t a good wedding.

And so it’s like you can never win in those situations. cause I feel like when I’m going to a wedding. It’s kind of nice to have some guidelines, but I’m also like a type A like planner person, so I like being like told kind of like, okay, this is what to expect. Here’s kind of like our theme. Or like some colors you might see because I’ve shown up wearing a bridesmaid dress color not knowing, and I was like, oh.

Which I guess in hindsight there’s no way for me to know. But there’s different things like that where it’s like, it’s kind of nice to see some guidelines. I’m still hung up on it. People were mad about unplugged ceremony. I feel like that’s so common and like I get mad about that, that they pay for photographers and they want professional photographers.

I know. Yeah, I

Cora Lakey: think people took my wedding FAQ very personally, and I think it was, 2023. So I think it was at the time where people were starting to analyze the FYP, the for you page and really analyzing that. People truly think their for you page is talking directly to them. And I feel like that’s a form of internet culture where people are chronically online and they don’t understand that we can’t control where the algorithm puts our videos.

And so people were taking it so personally I think a year later it really course corrected and I actually get a lot of support on that video now. Yeah. But it’s just such an interesting time and I think it just all, it was a perfect storm at once. Yeah. Where I was just like,

Christa Innis: this is

Cora Lakey: out of control.

Christa Innis: I know.

It’s funny because I always say that about like the skits I do like, so there’s stories that are sent to me about things that happen around weddings. Right. And a lot of them do have to do with mother-in-laws. I have a great mother-in-law, so I can’t relate to them, but I do hear stories and I do see them however.

When I share a story with a mother-in-law, someone will always comment like, oh my gosh, like you should share stories about mother of the bride, or you should share stories about this. And I’m like, if you’re getting offended, you might need to look in the mirror because like I don’t see a bride Bridezilla story and be like, oh my gosh, that’s terrible.

I’m like, well, I know I wasn’t like that, so I’m not gonna, it’s fine. There’s stories like that, it happens. Like people don’t realize they can just like scroll if they want to or not engage.

Why Women Aren’t Allowed to Set Boundaries at Weddings

Cora Lakey: Exactly. And I think it speaks to a larger issue with wedding guest culture and how sometimes wedding guests can be extremely entitled.

Like I had so many experiences with people not confirming until immediately before or not giving us an answer or acting like it was super inconvenient to attend and. I feel like I see that a lot online as well of people making a point to not give a gift because they’re already attending the wedding.

So I think it’s really important for, yeah, people to analyze their own behavior and be like, no one’s forcing you to go to a wedding. You can say no, and if you say no, like there’s no expectations, no is a full sentence. But at the same time, you’re discounting how incredibly expensive weddings are, how much stress and pressure they are, especially for the bride.

And I think people hate women with boundaries and they hate women that say no and say, I’m not okay with this. And I think we can recognize that brides are the ones planning the wedding 99% of the time. So all that vitriol goes to the bride and it’s kind of messed up. Right. Why are you doing this?

Christa Innis: They’re seen as the controlling or the difficult one because it’s their vision. you hear it time and time again. It’s like people never make comments about the groom. It’s always the bride. I shared a story yesterday that’s been going viral about, this couple had a no, a child free wedding and someone brought a baby and the baby was crying during the whole vow ceremony.

Yeah. And so like no one removed like the baby. No one, like, I don’t know what the details were, why they showed up with a baby when it said child free, but the title of the article was so degrading to the bride. It said Angry Bride, like, something about is mad that crying baby is there during vows or something.

I totally butchered that. But it was all about the bride being angry and it’s like. They paid lots of money. They apparently specified no children. And you don’t remove the baby while the vows are going off. Like so they’re gonna have crying baby during their video. Yeah. And there’s such an

Cora Lakey: easy solution for that.

Just go to the reception. Okay, you paid all this money to attend the wedding, don’t bring your baby to a ceremony. Like things are common sense. And I think that’s why I was so firm with my FAQ because in a professional environment I’ve had to recognize that things just aren’t common sense and people will push and poke and prod you.

So you have to be extremely direct, simple and to the point. So you can be like, Hey, this is outlined here, this is where this was communicated. And if you add too much language and you try to, you know, make it as polite as possible, people just don’t get it. Mm-hmm. And they start to poke and prod at whatever your rules are that you’re trying to reinforce.

So I feel like that’s another way, like my wedding FAQ was so jarring for people maybe was because it was so direct and I think they aren’t used to women saying no and saying, I’m not putting up with this and maybe we need to talk about that.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, I totally agree. Because we’re just taught as women, I think, just to be like, oh sure, okay.

You know, people pleasers like I always like to say I’m a recovering people pleaser and like even now when I’m firm, I’m later like, was I too firm? Was I harsh? Are they gonna think badly of me? And it’s like this thing that, like this narrative that we put in our heads of like, if I stand firm for something, they’re gonna think I’m a bitch or something.

And so we just constantly question our decisions and like how we talk to people because of that.

Cora Lakey: Exactly. What was so interesting too about that whole situation is my husband at the time wanted a lot of these rules and actually wanted to have a wedding in the first place. So because I worked in the events industry, I wanted to elope.

I know how expensive weddings are. I was like, I do not wanna deal with the production, like how stressful it is. Like I’m gonna be in the professional mindset this whole time and I just wanna like fully relax. And he was the one that really wanted a wedding. Mm-hmm. And I was like, alright, like I’ll use my expertise.

I’ll make it happen. Excuse me. Sorry, my light died. and so that’s where I was like, it wasn’t even a consideration for people that my husband was the one who might have come up with a lot of these rules because we’re just so used to women being like, all right, I’m taking the front seat here.

So it was really interesting.

Christa Innis: But yeah, no, that’s so true about you say like they automatically just assume that it’s the woman when like, it was same like for our wedding. Like I included my husband on every decision. I wasn’t like, this is what we’re doing. This is my day, not yours. Like, it was like, it’s our day. Let’s talk through this together.

And we were very on the same page about like the size of wedding we wanted, like, did we want kids or no kids, did we want plus ones? that kind of thing. And we were very, like, I would say most everyone we invited had a sign, significant other that we knew. So that’s why we had obviously like couples that were like married, but like I didn’t invite like my cousins.

Boyfriend of six months, like, you know, or two months ’cause that I’ve never met. Yeah. So like my pictures. Yeah. So that’s, yeah. So the plus one thing, do you wanna share on your plus one? Yeah.

The Plus One Controversy

Cora Lakey: Okay. this is why I think it got really misinterpreted. So for me it was really important to have just an intimate wedding where we knew every single person, the theme was friend and family barbecue.

Like I just wanted to be really casual, relaxed atmosphere. And I knew that wasn’t gonna be possible with strangers at our wedding. if you followed me online, you probably see I’m like really transparent about the things I’ve been through in life. And I didn’t talk about this in the FAQ because obviously I didn’t know it would blow up, but my dad passed away pretty suddenly and tragically and I knew I would be talking about that a lot throughout the wedding just through, any speeches I did because.

It was such a life altering moment and I really wanted my dad at my wedding. and he wasn’t gonna be there. So it was like a big gap that I was feeling. So I was already feeling really vulnerable throughout the day. And so that was a very firm decision I made from the beginning. No strangers there.

That being said, if we met them even one time, they were invited. So I’ll give you an example. A friend’s boyfriend, I had never met him. I was like, I’m not comfortable having the boyfriend I’ve never met at my wedding. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. she expressed that that made her uncomfortable.

So I was like, listen, let’s get coffee with him. Like we can hang out. We just don’t want strangers there. Met him, he was great. He was invited to the wedding. Mm-hmm. So if the people, if it was important to them, we wanted it to be intimate to the point that if there were any communication things that maybe didn’t make sense for them or didn’t make sense for us, we wanted to be able to have an open dialogue.

Post-Pandemic Wedding Drama

So that was a great example of something didn’t work for her, she expressed it to us, we made it work. Mm-hmm. Whereas the other friend in the seven year friendship that I lost, like there was no interest in our lives, the wedding. we saw that from the beginning, you know? And I think another thing that was really interesting is this was post covid time.

So a lot of people were losing friendships because covid, like a lot of our relationships changed, a lot of friendships dwindled. And this was an example of a friendship that during Covid, like we had completely stopped talking, so we hadn’t talked in almost two years. Mm-hmm. And I kind of extended an invite as.

You know, an olive branch to be like, Hey, I love you. I loved you at one point, and I would love you to be there. You were there for so much of our early dating stages, but we hadn’t talked in almost two years. And by that point, they had a boyfriend. I never met the boyfriend. I didn’t feel comfortable having this stranger hearing all about losing my dad and how sad I was that he wasn’t there.

So. I didn’t invite the boyfriend and instead of communicating that to me, she just didn’t go to the wedding. So it was very obvious that, and here’s the thing, like she never even communicated to me that was what bothered her. Mm-hmm. It was very obvious from my point of view, because I could see like a behavior shift of like hot to cold when she got the invite.

Mm-hmm. But she had also been telling our other friends that she was upset. I didn’t invite her boyfriend, so I had to hear through other people. And it got to the point that I was like, okay, our friendship is in a place where you don’t even feel comfortable enough to tell me that this bothers you. Like you probably shouldn’t be at our wedding.

You know? Like, you don’t wanna be there. It would be uncomfortable for me to have you there. We barely know each other anymore. So that was what kind of got lost on the internet. Mm-hmm. But I think it’s so easy for people to judge, they see. Yep. Slide on the internet for five seconds and they call you a bitch.

They call you a bridezilla. Yes. And there was so much lost in that that made the decision make sense for us as a couple.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s the thing with like social media, people just see something quickly and then they just judge based on that. but yeah, I mean like hearing it, hearing you tell it, I’m like, that makes total reasonable sense to me.

Like, cause that’s the thing, it’s like I read it first as like she was like a bridesmaid, but even then it’s like if you just wanted, like if you just communicated and just met one time, like, especially if the other friend did that, that shows like she was already kind of like dwindling away and didn’t really care enough.

So it sounds like your friendship was already kind of like on the rocks maybe and kind of falling apart.

Cora Lakey: Exactly, and I think the post covid relationships and the weddings that fell into that window, it’s such an interesting conversation because it’s so interesting to me. People just forget that time happened and how impacted all of us were.

And it’s normal and natural that like a lot of relationships fell out and we were all figuring out the messiness afterwards. Like no one in this lifetime has experienced a pandemic before. So I was just figuring it out as I went. I’ve never planned my own wedding before, so I was also navigating the emotions that came with that.

And so I was like, I don’t know, I was just very surprised by how shocked people were by it. ’cause it just didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me with all of the circumstances.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think it’s, I think people are so quick to just be like Bridezilla. but you know, you talking about the friendship too, it’s like I’ve had friendships before where like.

Looking back, it’s like they made their choice to like separate themselves they almost look for a reason to just be like done. cause like, without saying too much, but like in our friend group, there was like a friend we’ve known for like years and years and like we were all bridesmaids in her wedding.

They ended up getting a divorce and she found a new guy and we were like really supportive of it. We’re like, you know, we’re here for you, girl. Like, whatever you need. ’cause it turned out it just wasn’t a great marriage, And when she had this new guy, we were like inviting them to everything.

Like, Hey, come to this. Bring him along. We’d love to meet him. And excuse after excuse, like never showing up and. Then things got really weird and it almost was like she was just waiting for like, I don’t know if it was a controlling, like if he was like control, I don’t know, I don’t wanna put like assumptions out there, but it just got really weird and looking back where like she was looking for a reason just to be like done.

 and so when I hear that, that’s what makes it makes me think of. ’cause I’m like, okay, like she was already kind of dwindling away. She just wanted a reason to be mad and be like, you know what? I’m not going to her wedding because of this, but

Cora Lakey: yeah. And that’s totally fine. But I had to accept that for what it was like, weddings are so stressful.

I was like, I can’t let this take up any more of my mental space. You know? It’s like, it is what it is. I was barely like, at that point I was just like, okay, over and done. I wish her well. And I felt like I just had to keep rethinking about it because the internet was so activated by it. I was like, yes.

It’s crazy that this friendship that really, we both put to bed at this point, it doesn’t mean that much to either of us, but the internet is just making it into something. It isn’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. It’s so easy just to change things to make it sound terrible. okay. So we kind of just like dove right in.

I love that. So I feel like we should jump into, these are wedding drama debates. So people send me on Instagram, their hot takes or unpopular opinions when it comes to wedding and I wanna get weddings and I wanna get your side on these. Okay. Not wanting to come to a wedding ’cause there are kids is less valid than not inviting kids.

So, well that’s like worded a very interesting way.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like they don’t wanna attend a wedding if there’s kids there.

Christa Innis: yeah, they’re saying like, if someone doesn’t want to come to a wedding. Because there are kids is less valid than someone being like, we’re not inviting kids at all.

that is like a really interesting way of writing that. I don’t put these together so I, ’cause I don’t wanna see them first, but that’s like a very interesting way. I

Cora Lakey: feel like it’s giving, like flying on an airplane and being upset that there’s kids there, like mm-hmm.

You’re in a public place, you aren’t in control of the airline. There’s gonna likely be a child there and you need to get over it. Like if the couple decides they won’t have kids there, it’s your decision whether or not to go. But making a stink out of it is weird. Yeah. I think what they’re trying to say is they don’t wanna attend an alcohol free wedding.

That’s my assumption. Because if there’s kids there, maybe they’re really religious or maybe there’s no alcohol, or maybe they’ll have to limit the quantities and maybe that makes them uncomfortable. So I feel like it is less valid. I kind of get what they’re trying to say, but

Kids at Weddings: A Divisive Topic

Christa Innis: yeah, it’s like they’re going, they’re talking about someone’s response to not wanting to go to a wedding.

So they’re saying like, if someone doesn’t invite kids, it’s okay. But if someone doesn’t wanna come to a wedding because kids are gonna be there, that’s not okay. people get crazy about the kids or no kids things at weddings and I’m just like, whatever the bride and groom want. ’cause I can see both sides.

Like I get not wanting a bunch of kids running around, especially kids you might not know. But I also get where you want, like your family there. Like we all, we invited all our nieces and nephews, but we didn’t have like friends kids there because most of them wanted like date nights out, like away.

Cora Lakey: We did that as well. Just kids of the family and I felt like that was a perfect solution. I have never heard of a wedding guest being bothered by kids being there. That’s so interesting. Yeah. So I think I agree with the original question, like that’s a weird thing to be bothered by.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve had people, when I’ve done like skits on it, I’ve had people be like mad that like, well if you tell me I can’t bring my kid, I better not see any kids there.

I’m like, but there’s a difference if like, if it’s the niece of the bride or it’s the nephew of the groom that is family that’s different than like your the bride’s coworker and you can’t bring your kids. That’s so different. And I don’t know why people don’t see that it’s different. It’s

Cora Lakey: so weird.

I mean, hot take, no one cares about your kid and no one cares about your dog. Like no one wants them there like. It’s not as special to everyone else as it is to you. I love my dogs. They’re my little furry soulmates, but like I know people don’t want my dogs in their face and they don’t want them, you know, off leash at the park.

And the same thing goes for kids. It’s like, I feel like sometimes people. Are just too cheap to find babysitters and just don’t wanna deal with that. Or like they think that everyone wants their kid there and there’s a time and a place for everything. And totally like, I think it’s completely understandable to want the kids in your family that are gonna be in your life forever.

And you’ll see these milestones, like the pictures of my nephew at my wedding, like I cherish those pictures so much and even though like the marriage ended, like I’m keeping all of these family pictures ’cause they’re so special to me and already grown so much. So Yeah, it’s completely understandable to want your family there.

Not a random baby. We’re like, who is this baby? Like, I don’t know you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I think about like coworkers that I invited to my wedding I maybe talked to them like half of them, like here and there. But like if I’d had their kids there, like I feel like that would be weird. They probably wouldn’t have even me, even had me ex or expected me to invite them.

But it’s just

Cora Lakey: your, your wedding is not free childcare. That’s weird.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And every kid’s different. Like some kids are gonna love a wedding and be very well behaved, love the music. Other kids are gonna be like, this is boring. Get me home. So it’s hard to do a blanket statement of that.

 okay. Living together before marriage dampens the celebratory aspects of the wedding. Ooh, that is a hot take. I

Cora Lakey: don’t agree with that at all. I don’t either buy it before you buy it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like, you know what, we’re in the 21st century. We don’t need to be like, because I feel like the reason people didn’t move in until they were married is ’cause they lived at home.

So they lived at home until dad gave them away, or, whatever that next step was. You went from one house to the next. That’s a good point. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: I think. So many issues come from living with someone too. When you see someone’s habits like this is disgusting. I don’t know if this is appropriate for a podcast, but I just was listening on another podcast.

They were doing an FAQ section and this girl was having an issue with her boyfriend peeing in their sink every day. Every day. He was peeing in the sink, not the toilet that was right there. Don’t you need to know that stuff before you marry someone? Live with them? Yeah. What? Yeah, I was so deeply dis disturbed and one of the girls was like, oh, like my husband’s done that before.

I was like. My husband never did that, thank God. And I would not be able to look at him the same if he did. Like, that’s so disgusting. No know these things. Like what if someone has really bad hygiene? What if they’re, you know, a slob? What if, you know, whatever the case may be. Like being roommates with someone is so important.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I totally agree. Like if your thing is like, we don’t wanna move in until it then more power to you, I think that’s great. But I don’t believe in putting down a relationship because they do it differently. I like our wedding was amazing event with all our friends and family and I, was never one of those girls that like, when I was like five I was like picturing my wedding and stuff, but once I met my now husband, like I was like, oh this is so, like, I could totally picture it.

I would, this is how I want my big wedding to be, whatever. But I don’t think it took away from it. But it also wasn’t like, oh my gosh, it’s the rest, the first day of the rest of my life I was like. We’ve lived together for, I don’t know, four years at that point. So like, I

Cora Lakey: think this is such a hot take, and I know we’ll get into hot Takes later, but I think people like Overdramatize weddings a lot, and I think mm-hmm.

A lot of it is just feeding into the wedding industry, right? Like the wedding industry is preying on people saying this is the most important day of their lives and they have to look the most beautiful they’ve ever looked, and they have to have the most gorgeous flowers. And being on the other side of that as a planner, it’s not.

Your wedding is what you make of it. Like if something goes wrong, if it’s down pouring, if your dress rips, like it’s not that big of a deal. Mm-hmm. It’s okay to have a redo. Like for our honeymoon. Like I was distraught because of everything that was going on on the internet and I was like, oh my gosh, like I can’t even enjoy this honeymoon because people, like, I was getting hit up by like major news outlets, like hundreds of messages.

Like it was awful. So we just did a redo honeymoon. Like it wasn’t that big of a deal. So like I feel like the importance of these moments are what you put into it, like what you make of it, and not that big of a deal on, the wedding day. Unless you make it that way. And unless you’re like, this will be the most important day of my life.

You know?

Christa Innis: Yes, I totally agree with what you’re saying. Like the way you said that, because there’s such pressure, and I think that’s where this whole like bridezilla like wedding, like, I don’t know, pressure comes from is like this absolute perfect day. And if one little thing goes off, like it’s not gonna be the day you ever you dreamed of.

And there’s all this like high expectations of like, making it be the absolute perfect day. And I agree with making it nice and stuff, but like things might go wrong and that’s okay and we just have to like, move on from it. like I would never, I wouldn’t say I was like a stressed bride at all. Like, people would be like, oh, you’re gonna be so stressed during it.

And I was just like, there was like, maybe a couple times I’d be like, oh, I’m kind of stressed, but like, I love planning stuff. So for me it was fun. But even like the makeup artist, the morning of, I remember she was like. You are like one of the most relaxed brides. And I was like, well, I figure at this point everything’s done.

Like if something happens, like we’re here, like, I don’t know. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God, this is so off topic, but what were your thoughts on that wedding makeup artist drama on TikTok? Did you see that?

Christa Innis: Yes. Wait, the girl that like filmed herself taking off the, yeah, I actually talked about this. I was saying like, she planned that all along.

I think. I think so, because who, on their wedding day when things are already tight, puts up the camera, brings their maid of honor in the bathroom and is like, I’m washing this off. Like, she looked good. Yeah. So I don’t think it looked any different when the makeup artist like did it versus when she did it,

Cora Lakey: it looked exactly the same.

Like, I’m like, that’s why I was so confused. Like surely she’s pranking us, right? Like there’s no way. That was so weird. Like, I’m glad the makeup artist got her flowers and everyone got to see her point of view. But I cannot imagine just as a vendor, like how jarring that would be to go online and have someone roasting your business.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Cora Lakey: I tell you, it was awful.

Christa Innis: Yes. Well, and that just happened too with the photographer. Did you see that one? No. Oh my gosh, you have to look it up. I would almost say this one was worse because she tagged the photographer’s company and she was lying. She wasn’t telling the whole story. So basically she shared like 10 photos from her wedding and she was like, when you look forward to your wedding day, and it turns out like this, and it’s like this sad music from home alone.

You’re like the, and she shows like 10 blurry, blurry photos from her wedding. Mind you, if you looked at the full album, which people obviously were able to find, it was gorgeous. Like gorgeous, but the wedding reception was at nighttime and it was outdoors. So as a photographer you can only do so much with that.

But they did a great job with the photos, but she chose blurry ones to share. She chose, and I guess like the photographer then came on and she shared her side and she’s like, I’ve literally been talking to the mom and the girl I offered to give money back, which is not in the contract. I don’t have to, but she’s like, I did.

She worked with them she thought everything was fine. And then this girl who turns out she’s 19 years old, posted everything.

Cora Lakey: Do you think everyone’s looking for like a viral moment

Christa Innis: nowadays? Yeah, I think so. But. It’s like they don’t think when they do that, like it’s gonna come back to bite you if you’re lying.

Cora Lakey: Yeah, I know everything. I was thinking about that with the one that you just posted today with the bride. With the designer that was like ghosting her and then posted all of that during her wedding weekend. Like she absolutely could have sued her for emotional distress and defamation. Like people don’t think about that stuff until it’s too late, like mm-hmm.

We have to be so careful what we post online because. Like she was a hairdresser, like that could completely destroy her business and mm-hmm. People even think of the consequences of that stuff. Like that’s so crazy.

Christa Innis: I know. And that’s terrible. ’cause then people just go to like Yelp and they’re like, before learning the full story, they just see the seamstress post this and they’re just like, oh, one star.

And anyone can leave a review on Yelp. And so it like plummeted her reviews. And I’m like, that’s the scary thing. Like people just want to, it’s almost like they want validation in what they did or something. And so then it’s like, oh, I need someone to side with me so I don’t feel as crappy about what I did or something.

Cora Lakey: That’s very true. Yeah. I’ll never get the witch hunt mentality of the internet. Like the angry mob. I’m like, you don’t even care about this. Like, why are you

Christa Innis: doing this? No. It is quite literally insane that one of the negatives about. Internet, I would say. Um, okay, let’s get into this week’s story submission.

Um, so like I said before we started recording, I don’t read these ahead of time ’cause I wanna react with you. So I’m gonna read it and then we’ll like pause or feel free to stop me at any point to like jump in ’cause these are crazy stories I guess.

Cora Lakey: Okay,

The Engagement Ring Reveal Gone Wrong

Christa Innis: here we go. Okay. When my husband first bought my engagement ring but hadn’t yet proposed, his mom and sister wanted to see the ring.

He didn’t show, he didn’t want to show them before he asked me and told them no. They proceeded to demand, he show them and went through his free, went through his things until they found it. Can you imagine

Cora Lakey: my god?

Christa Innis: No. Something else that happened was he knew we wanted our, was, we knew we wanted our bridal party to be very small.

My sister and his best friend. That was all. I wanted his sister to have a more meaningful role, and I wanted her to do a reading during the ceremony. I came to find out a few months after the engagement that his family was furious, that his sister was not in the wedding. I didn’t really know his sister.

They didn’t go out or even talk to each other unless they happened to be at the same family event. Every time he was home, his mom and sister would yell at him about the fact that his sister wasn’t in the bridal party, and then his grandmother and aunts would call and yell at him. Ultimately, it wasn’t really worth the fight.

I wasn’t fighting. They were over, and I’m sorry, it wasn’t worth the fight. I wasn’t fighting. They were over my Bri bridal party to me, so I invited her to be in it. Wait, so she gave in because they were complaining and making him feel so bad?

Cora Lakey: God.

Christa Innis: Oh, I have so many thoughts. See, I, and I don’t know your take on this, but I don’t think siblings should automatically be in the wedding.

It totally depends on your relationship. Plus it’s like, it’s not his sister or, I mean, it is his sister, but it’s not like his brother on his side. Like you kind of, you choose your bridesmaids. Um, it’s like I had my husband’s sister and sister-in-law, but I get along with them really well. And so like, I couldn’t imagine getting married without them.

But if we weren’t close or he didn’t talk to them, why would I have ’em in the wedding?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, it sounds like there’s a huge boundary issue with this family and that’s so hard. Like overbearing in-laws is so challenging ’cause you love that person, but when you marry someone, you marry their family and mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, it sounds like that’s what happened here. Okay. So like the first part of the story, them wanting to see the engagement ring, I kind of get that. But it sounds like their intentions were bad. So like it makes me think of sex in the city when Aiden was gonna propose to Carrie and the ring was hideous and then Samantha stepped in, I think it was Samantha stepped in and got a gorgeous ring.

That’s totally her style. So that’s what I thought was the case. It’s like, oh, they’re really close to the bride. They know her style. She might not like this ring, but it just sounds like they’re being nosy and have bad intentions. Yeah. And maybe they wanna be close to you, but they are not emotionally mature enough to express that.

Yes. ’cause if they’re walking behind your back and can’t tell you to your face, you’re the bride, what their issues are and they have to go to him, like clearly there’s like a gap in the relationship and, and it sounds like it’s for the best that she wasn’t in your bridal party, but I guess she is now. So

Christa Innis: I know. Well, and my whole thing is like, I get, you know, maybe wanting to help and like see the ring like. But it’s also knowing when no is no, and knowing the boundaries. And so like the fact that they went in searching for the ring, I’m just like, where’s the boundary? So it sounds like he was probably still living at home maybe.

And they knew he hid it in his room or something. I would be mortified. I would be like, do you not understand what no

Cora Lakey: means? Cool. And what’s so scary about that is you think of the future and you want your husband to protect you. Especially, you know, they, that is true. Like they are the line between, you know, those communication issues and they’re supposed to filter everything and kind of keep the peace.

And if this is already happening where you guys are bending over for your in-laws, what’s gonna happen to you? Have kids like, yeah. Are they gonna be weird and put your kid in clothes that you’re not comfortable with? You know? Or like post pictures of them online, if you’ve said no, like, stuff like that, it’s like, mm-hmm.

What, what are those boundaries? And you know. I understand giving in now and trying to keep the peace, but to whoever you are listening to this, just keep this in mind in the back of your head for when you have kids.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I literally just read something because in my like newsletters, I like putting in like little tips for people.

I literally just read something about boundaries and it said, if you start slipping on your boundaries, that’s like letting the other person know, like you’re easy to like cave. So even if it’s a small thing, like you’re like, oh, you can, okay, sure you can come to my wedding, because they kept pushing and they were angry and they were rude about it.

That’s showing that in the future that if I just keep asking or if I just keep telling them, then they’ll say yes to me. So yeah, it’s like who knows what other boundaries they will cross. That is

Cora Lakey: so true. Yeah. I think it’s a good lesson for anyone listening that’s maybe in a similar situation and maybe, yeah, like I think a lot of women, like you said earlier, have people pleasing tendencies and maybe we need to break that cycle.

Yes. It’s not a bad thing.

Mother-in-Law Drama Over the Wedding Guest List

Christa Innis: I agree. I agree. Um, okay. It says something else occurred when we were looking for venues. We invited our mothers to come along with us and to go to lunch. After we looked at a few, our first visit, we knew that it was not the one and had to make an obligatory, obligatory small talk to we could politely decide, um, to decline and leave.

The coordinator asked how many people we were thinking of, and I said, around 100. Well, my future mother-in-law’s face just fell. And her whole demeanor changed. She suddenly said she wasn’t staying and stocked off. We had no idea what happened. We called her after to see if she was still meeting us for lunch and to see more venues.

I don’t remember if she said it curtly or not, but she said no. Um, oh yeah. I don’t remember if she said curtly and No, or she just didn’t answer either way. Several days passed, maybe even a week. She refused to speak to my husband. Wait, just for saying they were, they were inviting a hundred people. Oh. It came out that she was furious.

We were only inviting 100 people. Like communicate. She,

Cora Lakey: yeah, she wanted all her friends there and she knew that wasn’t gonna happen. Ew. But it’s

Christa Innis: like to not even say like, oh, you’re only inviting a hundred, like. I was hoping I could blah, blah, blah. Like she didn’t even like try to communicate. That’s the problem is like, she just was like, I’m gonna leave and ignore you.

Cora Lakey: No, they sound like a very emotionally immature family and I feel like that’s just something to note for yourself in the future because you’re going, like, it’s guaranteed you’re going to have boundary issues with them in the future, like. They sound like very challenging in-laws, and I think it brings up another conversation of accepting money for your wedding.

Mm-hmm. So we made a very conscious decision not to accept money from our in-laws for our wedding. They. We’re very insistent about certain things. So we’re like, okay, you can cover our engagement party or you can cover part of our rehearsal dinner before the actual wedding event. No money, because I did not want anyone to have a say in our wedding.

Like that was something I was very firm about. And that’s something you need to weigh the pros and the cons of is if you are accepting money from your in-laws, you’re technically accepting some of their wishes. And that includes if they wanna have their friends there, you know you’re gonna feel obligated to have your mother-in-law’s, five best friends that you’ve never met if she’s paying for half the wedding or she’s paying for the whole wedding.

Mm-hmm. So way the pros and cons of. Is it worth having a smaller wedding that I am 100% in control of that I can actually afford? Or are you okay with these boundary issues? But it kind of sounds like you’re not

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. Because you can be really firm with someone saying like, no, your money does not mean this, but they’re still gonna hold it over your head.

They’re still like certain people, um, they’re gonna be like, well, I’m paying for the open bar, so that means I get to bring all these people. Um, yeah, it’s, or I can drink as much as I

Cora Lakey: want, act like a fool. And you’re like, no, you can’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah, please don’t. There’s, there’s so much discussion around like, pay because, and it’s funny ’cause when I repurpose and like post videos on different platforms, different platforms have different feelings about it.

Um, and you could probably guess which ones, but there’s one that, there was a story where, um, the mother-in-law offered to pay for. The bride’s bouquet and the bride wanted a very specific thing, and the mother-in-law was like, oh, that’s really expensive. And she’s like, I’m happy to pay the difference. Or she’s like, the bride was like, I will pay for it.

Like, it’s okay. I understand you wanted to help. I’ll pay for it. Mother-in-law law was like, no, no, no, don’t worry about it. I offered the mother-in-law then called the B the um, flower shop changed it, so she didn’t know until the wedding and was mortified. She was like, I, this is not what I wanted. I always envisioned whatever flowers and the Cummins on one platform are mixed.

People are like, well, she, the mother-in-law paid for it, so she should be able to do whatever she wants. I’m like, no, she gave it out. Yeah. I’m just like, how is

Cora Lakey: it even a discussion? Yeah, like sometimes people insist like my in-laws like, so like, I’ll give you an example. Like my family is no Christmas presents.

We’ve just always been that way. Like it’s just not a thing in my family. My mother-in-law loves Christmas, would insist on buying Christmas presents and so I would feel obligated to match her energy. You know, like financial stuff is very murky and you know, I felt kind of uncomfortable with that because my family was just so not into that.

But I wanted to make her happy. But I also felt pressure because I was like, well, you’re doing this for me. I have to do it for you. So it’s like. Again with the boundary, things you need to assert your boundaries and way if you’re okay with uncomfortable things like that happening. But also, what’s wrong with the florist?

Like why aren’t they telling the bride that’s so messed up?

Christa Innis: Yes. Why? Like that, that, yeah, that was another thing is like people were like, why would the florist change it? The girl that sent it to me, it happened like 25 years ago. ’cause all these people were like, this didn’t actually happen. The florist wouldn’t do it.

And she’s like, no, it happened 25 years ago. It’s because the ma, the mother-in-law’s name was on it. Like she’s the one that signed it or whatever. And it’s her credit card information or I don’t, something like that. It’s crazy.

Cora Lakey: But also through following you, I have been shocked by how professional unprofessional vendors are.

The wedding dress designer, like so many people, it’s like, whatcha doing? You know? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I’m always, I say like I’m always and never shocked at the same time because in general I’m still shocked about these stories, but I’m also like, it’s crazy. Like nothing truly surprises me ’cause I’m just like, these stories are just like ongoing.

Cora Lakey: Oh, I feel like I learned through working in events, like one of my mentors told me this, humans are the only unpredictable element. Oh yeah. It was so helpful. And like, especially dealing with a divorce now, like I’ve been so disappointed in people’s behavior and you know, people who said, I love you, I would die for you overnight.

Like, I’m dead to them. So it’s really interesting because, you know, I never would’ve, I would’ve been shell-shocked by that, right? Like before mm-hmm. Working in the vets industry. But because I recognize like human beings are just so unpredictable and like, we just have to accept that in every station of life, whether that’s personal things, weddings, divorces, you know, at work, like whatever it is.

Like if you just have no expectations of people, like it really helps you process when these crazy, dramatic things happen because it can like be so emotionally heavy. You know, you want your wedding today day to be a specific way, and like you have such a vision and then someone does something like that, you know, it’s so calculated and hurts you, it’s understandable to be hurt by that.

But if you just take a step back and you’re like, okay, you know what? Like people are just so unpredictable. Like, I can’t control this. It, it makes you feel so much better about things.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s a really good, really good point to have because I was just saying something my husband the other day. I don’t remember what, well, I don’t remember what it was, but there was something, and I was just like, this is why like over the years, like I’ve kind of just turned into like, not like a hermit, but like I just don’t get as emotionally involved in things as much because I’m just like, I, like I used to take things so personally, not saying I don’t about some things, but like, or so like emotional and I’m just like, people will, people, Mel

Cora Lakey: Robin says, yeah, yeah, for what we do.

Like we’ve heard it all, you know. So you can’t care what people think.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I’ve had to like stop reading comments ’cause there’s certain people that are just like, so mean and Oh my gosh. And so like my husband will know immediately. He’ll be like, what did you read today? And I’m just like.

Nothing. He’s like, what did you read? And I’m like, well, this person said this and this. And he’s like, stop reading the comments. I’m like,

Cora Lakey: what? Nina’s comment you’ve gotten that you remember?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, well, someone told me once, and this is why sometimes I stutter when I’m reading. Someone told me once that, um, I, what’s the word they used?

She was like, you need to, you should practice reading before you put, you film yourself because you sound, um, oh. What’s the word for not now I’m gonna sound dumb. Um, like you’re, you can’t, like, you sound like you can’t read or you don’t know how to, you’re illiterate. That’s what she said. She said, you sound illiterate because you can’t read on camera.

Um, I’ve had people say, um, I didn’t add for something once, and they said, um, I’m a, like, I’m selling out.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God.

Christa Innis: I was like, do you know how many I like turned down like, I barely do ads. Barely. And I was just like, really? I was like, I do things to like help brides, um, or you know, people, but Yeah. Um, I get mean ones on YouTube a lot.

Like they’ll say like, I’m like. Talking too much. I’m like, well, don’t watch it.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God. Yeah. YouTube is ruthless. Like YouTube shorts is a dark place on the internet. It’s like Twitter almost. I was shocked. Like when you have a video go viral on there. Good luck. It’s, it’s not pretty.

Christa Innis: Yeah. YouTube, I probably, I like stopped reading ’cause like this girl like ripped me apart and won one time.

Yeah. I’m so

Cora Lakey: sorry. That’s okay.

Christa Innis: I can laugh about it now.

Cora Lakey: It’s good. It’s good. Dinner table fodder. Is that what they say?

Christa Innis: Yeah. I usually need like a good week and then I’ll be like, fine. Yeah. Um, like, and, and the, and I I think it goes back to the people pleaser thing, right? Where I, I want to reply so that they either like understand me or they feel bad that they said it.

And there has been, weirdly enough, there’s been two circumstances where I’ve replied to like a mean comment. I. And they’ve actually messaged me and they’ve, they’ve been like, I’m actually really sorry. I said that. And I thought about like sharing it to be like, Hey guys, see, it does help, but I don’t know.

Um, yeah, one lady said like, I’m sorry, I was having a really bad day. I don’t know why I criticized you like that. Um, I think she like criticized how I talked or I said a word wrong or something. And she’s like, oh, I should have never said that. And another person apologized to, so then there’s like this people pleaser in me that I’m like, I want them to like see that I like, this is why I did something, or this is like why I do this kind of content.

And, but then I’m like, I can’t explain myself to everybody. It’s not Did it

Cora Lakey: make you feel better when they messaged you or was it just like, oh, okay. You

Christa Innis: know, ah, that’s a good question. I think it made me feel better, I think because I was like, you know what? Everyone’s allowed to have a bad day. Um, it just kind of sucks that they.

Felt the need like to come online. But my thing is that anyone that bullies online is probably dealing with something very bad in life, or they’re just an upset person. Like

Cora Lakey: yeah,

Christa Innis: like

Cora Lakey: humanizing the trolls is the best way to go about it. I think like whenever, whenever I’m having a really bad day online, ’cause my videos go viral on the wrong side of TikTok all the time.

I dunno why. I’ll literally go somewhere crowded. So I’ll go to like Whole Foods when it’s four o’clock after work or something, or like five o’clock, and I’ll look at all the people around me and be like, okay, I’m seeing these real human beings face to face. Like, do I care what these people think about me?

Like, would I care right now if, you know, if I was telling my story to them face to face, would they have the same reaction as these people online? Probably not. Mm-hmm. Because you know, when you’re a real human being and you see a human being face to face, like you aren’t as critical and you aren’t as harsh.

And I think sometimes, you know, the trolls. You know, they think that the people on the other end of the camera are robots. They’re not real people. Mm-hmm. And vice versa, I’m like, this is just a bot troll. Like this isn’t a real person. And then I’m like, wait, this is like a real person that, you know, potentially is going through something horrible or maybe there’s something wrong with them.

And like, it’s not my place to figure out what their problem is. Yeah. And I just have to,

Christa Innis: yeah. I saw something the other day where it was like, other people, and I’ve heard this before, I just needed a refresher. It was like, other people’s opinions of you is none of your business. And I was like, yes.

Because the internet opens us up to everyone’s opinion. Right. And it’s like you, we never used to get that. Like, if I had put something out in the universe before, like if I wrote something or if I acted in something, I wouldn’t know what everyone’s thought was. But now it’s like people put their every thought out there, and it really isn’t our business to know.

Like, if someone thinks we’re garbage or like we don’t know what we’re talking about, like. I don’t know. We have to like block it out a little bit.

Cora Lakey: It’s so true. And like it’s understandable to care. Like your brain is not supposed to know all of these opinions about you. You know? Like, especially I think you’re only supposed to interact with like 10 people, like in a week.

I forget what the statistic is, but like, if you’re looking at like, you know, your normal circle of people, your friends, your family, your coworkers, like knowing their opinions, it makes sense. Like it’s normal. You’re interacting with them every day. Well then you amplify that by hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people.

It’s like, it’s not normal for your brain to be able to compute what all these randos are thinking about you. So like it’s so normal to care. Mm-hmm. But it’s how you respond to it that makes all the difference, I feel like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I’m constantly learning of like how to like respond to people like that.

Cora Lakey: You got this?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. Um, back to this story. Okay. Another thing, we asked our families for their list of guests well in advance so we could stay on top of things and keep within the budget. My mother-in-law said she was working on it. No problem. We had time weeks, and then a couple of months go by.

We realized she hadn’t given us anything at all. Once again, my husband asked for her list. She said she was working on it. More weeks go by again. We realized we still had nothing from her. So we decide next time to see her in person. We would ask her again. She blew us off again. Weeks go by and we went to visit her and this time we asked if we could just go through her address book.

See, I feel like they’re giving her way too many chances. I would be like, after two times of asking, that’s it. Sorry. Like you’re so scared of

Cora Lakey: her.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I’m like, I feel like it’s just. You always wonder, like a lot of times, like the brides write the story and so I’m like, is the groom like feeling like he’s in the middle or she’s trying to appease him still?

Like what’s, I dunno what’s happening here. they asked if we could look at her address book. She came and took the thing away. So that was a no. Okay. Then I’d be like, then you’re not getting a list.

Cora Lakey: No. Yeah. What’s

Christa Innis: the problem?

Cora Lakey: Three strikes and you’re out.

Christa Innis: Yeah. My husband ended up coming up with his own list of people.

His mom might wanna invite why and ran it by her she still wouldn’t give up addresses. He spent hours using dial up internet to find addresses. See why is

Cora Lakey: so weird?

Christa Innis: I feel like they’re being too nice. I’d be like, okay, if you don’t send us a list, then you’re not gonna have anyone to invite. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: You have X date.

This is due. The venue needs it. We need to send out postage.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s not

Cora Lakey: by this date, you’re not getting invites. It’s so simple.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because she’s already basically telling you, without telling you that it’s not a priority. It’s not important to her, or she just doesn’t wanna invite anybody

Cora Lakey: that’s beg her for a

Christa Innis: list.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like that’s where I wanna know like, how much is the mother-in-law paying, like if she, is she paying for a hundred percent of the wedding? Because that makes a big difference. Mm-hmm. Like that’s why she can act this way and kind of do what she wants on her own timeline because if she’s paying for it, that makes sense.

If she’s not paying for anything, it’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like why are you letting her walk all over you? You know? Yeah.

Mother-in-Law Ruins Wedding Day with One Comment!

Christa Innis: Well, and in the beginning for her to act so mad about the a hundred people comment, but then never communicate. It’s because I wanna invite more people or because, oh, I thought you’d have a bigger wedding.

Like nothing. She just is like being like sour and just being passive aggressive with everything, which is just like, okay, I don’t like it. I don’t get it. Okay. almost at the end here. Sorry, we’re kinda running over. okay. Which leads us to. I completely forgot about this part until one of your skits took me right back.

This leads me to the ceremony, which I thought went great. My husband seemed a tad odd, maybe a bit preoccupied, not runaway. Grew and Preoccupied or anything. It was just hard to pinpoint.

 Right after the ceremony, we were getting our picture taken and he informed me that as he was walking his mom in, she told him that she hated his vest.

So he spent our ceremony self-conscious. She did that on purpose.

Cora Lakey: okay. I feel like we need to have a conversation about overbearing mother-in-laws because I’m worried for this girl. Yeah. Like, this is such a long story of like point by point, by point, all these aggressions from your mother-in-law,

Christa Innis: uh, and how controlling or conniving is it to do it right before you’re walking down?

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like,

Christa Innis: you know, you’re gonna get in his head. And just like almost remind him of like, I’m your mother, this is where I stand.

Cora Lakey: I think like, too, we wanna give people the benefit of the doubt. Like sometimes they say things that are, off the cuff or maybe thoughtless that you’re like, okay, maybe they were just being, thoughtless in that moment.

Or maybe they’re dumb. Like whatever. Like, but no, like, something I’ve really accepted recently is like, we’re all adults and adults are intentional and they are taught to think before they speak. And an adult woman made an intentional choice to make an aggressive comment to make your husband uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm. And that seems like, yeah, you’re right. It’s asserting dominance. And especially like, I think in the wedding ceremony, the tradition part, right? Like it’s like his family. And then there’s a transition where he becomes your family. So then they become the extended family and you’re the immediate family.

And it sounds like she recognized that was happening in a few minutes and wanted to put one last dig in.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Gross. I don’t know girl.

Cora Lakey: I’m kind

Christa Innis: of

Cora Lakey: worried about you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. she said it was mostly covered up by his tux jacket and you couldn’t even really see it. So there you go. and the last thing, two to three years later, so they’ve been married few years.

Oh, well actually I don’t know how long this story happened though, but my sister-in-law got married and my husband was a groomsman. I was not sat with the family, nor was I in a single one of her wedding pictures. That is so intentional. Even after they added the sister in the wedding.

Cora Lakey: My god, this family is so immature and petty and just protect yourself.

Like I feel so bad. Like we need an update also. Yeah. what’s going on now? Because I feel like, yeah, these couldn’t be isolated incidents.

Christa Innis: No, I know. I wanna like reach out to her and be like, how long ago was this? What update do we have? Can we get more to this? Because that is, I mean, I have so many questions too, like what ended up happening with the guests?

Was she still mad? ’cause they stuck to a hundred people. What’s his sister-in-law’s deal? They allowed her to come in the wedding and then she still is like, mm-hmm. Despite you, I’m not gonna have you in the wedding and not even sat with the. So

Cora Lakey: weird. Why, like, did you watch Secret Lives of Mormon wives?

Yes. It sounds like Jen Affleck and her in-laws, like how they were so glowing and nice to the one and then to her, they’re just so dismissive.

Christa Innis: It’s just so sad. Like it’s like that. mother-in-law or in-law thing where they like picture a certain person to be married to their son and when they don’t meet their expectations, they treat them a different way.

But I’m like, he’s made his choice. He’s an adult. Like he chose this person to marry. She’s now a part of the family. But I also, as the husband, I wanna be like, you need to back up your wife first. Not saying he’s not, but to see that she’s not set with the family, I would be like, mortified.

Why Isn’t He Defending His Wife?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, let’s talk about the husband.

 not to sound like Kim Richards, but what, like, why is he not defending you? Like mm-hmm. That really bothers me because your husband is supposed to protect you. Why is he not doing that? Like, if my husband did not say, you better change the seat right now. Like, I would be so upset. Like, you don’t wanna like force someone to do something they’re not comfortable with, but I’m making broad assumptions here.

It sounds like he’s the only boy in the family and they’re very protective of him and cuddle him maybe. And maybe he needs to step it up and protect his wife, you know? Yeah. It’s like, no, like your wife should be the most important person in your life. You needed to do things to make her comfortable. And it sounds like he’s not asserting boundaries with his family.

Christa Innis: no. That’s where I got in the beginning when they like just started searching for the ring that he was like still living at home. And so they had that control over him of like, you know what, you’re still a boy living with mom and your dad and sister or whatever. And so we’re gonna tell you how to do things.

I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I don’t know. Maybe wrong girl. What one girl? Yes. Okay. I know we’re a little over time, so I’ll uh, do this last little thing with you and then we’ll, so this is our weekly confessions. So I’m gonna read confessions that people sent over to me and, we’ll just, we’ll react to them.

Okay. This one says, my in-laws wanted me to lie to their friends why they didn’t go to their wedding. And I told them the truth. Why?

Cora Lakey: Well, yeah, why are they putting you in that position? That is weird. We need more information here. Like, why do you know these

Christa Innis: people? I’d be like, I’m not, so she or she or he, I don’t know, but they were like told to like, lie about something.

But like in-laws are like grown adults. I don’t know. That’s weird. this person says, I hated my mother’s dress at my wedding. Couldn’t even fake it when she showed it to me. Aw. Oh no, that’s bad. Well,

Cora Lakey: whatever makes her feel pretty though. Because you know, a lot of people hate the bride’s wedding dress and it’s like no one should care, but the bride, and I think the same goes with your mother-in-law or your mom.

Like as long as she feels pretty, who cares? Like Exactly. Everyone’s only looking at you anyway. No one cares about anyone else.

Christa Innis: Yeah. As long as she’s not wearing a white wedding gown as the mother of the bride, its fine. Yeah, exactly. This last one says, I secretly don’t want to take anyone with me when I go wedding dress shopping.

And I’m gonna say, you don’t have to take anybody with you. It might be better to go by yourself if it might be overwhelming. I think that’s so

Cora Lakey: valid. And that is a hot take I have is like, I’ve never understood why wedding dress shopping is such a big deal, and like why we have to make it a production.

Mm-hmm. ’cause you wanna make sure that you are not being influenced by any other opinions. Yeah. And you feel you’re most beautiful and it’s really hard to do with other people. Like, I don’t know, like, especially like as women, it’s natural, we’re self-conscious about our bodies and like, I don’t want people to see me changing in and out of dresses or like get their opinion on my hips and my boobs and my butt.

Like, no, like So do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and like sometimes your friends, bring that confidence out in you. Mm-hmm. And that’s great if you want them there. Like, I had people there, but at the same time, like. I, feel like it’s weird to have so much pressure around that.

Yes. Because it takes like 10 plus appointments. Like I know people who went to like, Emily Dato for example. Like she went to so many different appointments and she didn’t bring anyone and she’s a badass influencer. So successful. So like who

Christa Innis: cares? Yeah, exactly. Like you have to listen to what makes sense for you and what you’re comfortable with because if you’re hearing so many opinions and you know you’re gonna be influenced based on those, don’t invite them or do like a secret dress shopping just by yourself first.

You know what kind of style you like or pick it out first and just pretend like you can’t find anything with anybody else. Whatever you need to do to protect your piece.

Cora Lakey: Yeah,

Christa Innis: I love

Cora Lakey: that.

Christa Innis: Well, awesome. I know we went over a little bit, but I just wanna say thank you so much for coming on. It was so fun hanging out with you and like chatting and you so many good hot takes and opinions.

Yeah. I forgot we were recording halfway through. I’m like, oh yeah. I feel like I’m chatting with a

Cora Lakey: friend.

Christa Innis: I know. Me too. I know. It was fun to kind of just like. Go with the flow and just see what happens. well thank you so much for coming on. That was so much fun. Can you tell everyone where they can follow you and anything you’re currently working on?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, so you can follow me on TikTok Cora Lakey, and my Instagram is Cora Bry line, my ex-husband’s last name. I’m trying to change it so hopefully I’ll have Cora Lakey across the board. yeah. And right now I am just going through a lot of life changes. I am moving into my starting over apartment and I dunno, maybe we can do a different episode about divorce because that’s a whole other topic.

But yeah, stay tuned. Life updates coming.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, sounds good. Thank you so much.