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Not all wedding horror stories start at the altar… some start with a “best friend” and a suspicious text message.

This week, Christa sits down (again!) with wedding planner Bethy Abdissa for a raw, honest, and slightly unhinged look at what really happens behind the scenes… and yes, they dive headfirst into another jaw-dropping story that had them both saying: I’m sorry… WHAT? 

From timeline disasters to emotional design moments (sticky note love letters on cocktail napkins?!) Bethy gives the inside scoop on what couples get right, and where things spiral fast. And when Christa reads a listener’s submission about a maid of honor who drops out via text? Let’s just say… the tea is piping hot.

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Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

02:13 Diving into the Wedding Industry

03:23 Challenges of Wedding Planning

12:22 The Realities of DIY Weddings

18:00 Navigating Wedding Drama

35:56 The Joke That Went Too Far

37:24 Maid of Honor Drama Unfolds

41:12 The AI-Generated Message

52:28 To Invite or Not to Invite?

59:07 Wedding Vendor Confessions

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• MOH Drops It Like A Hot Potato – A maid of honor quits via text and the bride’s friendship spiral gets put under the microscope.
• Vendor Confessions From Hell – Real stories of photographers missing key moments and caterers showing up painfully late.
• Stress vs Preparedness – Why the brides who feel a little stressed are usually the most on top of their planning.
• Overstepping vs Support – When “helpful” bridesmaids cross the line and create more tension than peace.
• Emotional Design Done Right – From recreated love notes on napkins to guest experiences that hit straight in the feels.
• The 45-Wedding Summer – Bethy’s busiest season yet and the chaos that comes with it.
• Why You NEED a Coordinator – The forgotten hero who keeps your wedding from imploding in real time.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “That should be a T-shirt: DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies.” – Christa Innis
• “If they’re a little too calm, I start getting nervous.” – Christa Innis
• “People always need something to pick at. It’s emotional support cheese.” – Christa Innis
• “You never notice delays… until you’re cold and starving at your table.” – Christa Innis
• “Those extra set of hands come very handy.” – Christa Innis
• “If the caterer is two hours late, you just start praying.” – Bethy Abdissa
• “No stop means I can get you to 125K real quick.” – Bethy Abdissa
• “Flexibility matters, but boundaries matter more.” – Bethy Abdissa
• “I avoided that DJ like the plague.” – Bethy Abdissa
• “You’d rather lose a vendor than lose your coordinator.” – Bethy Abdissa

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Bethy

Bethy Abdissa is a dynamic wedding planner, content creator, and entrepreneur with a passion for storytelling and cultural inclusivity. Originally from Ethiopia, she moved to the United States 15 years ago and began her professional journey in finance and accounting. After realizing the corporate world wasn’t her calling, Bethy took a bold leap in 2022 to pursue her true passion: event planning.

With over three years of experience as a wedding planner and a lifelong love for party planning, Bethy now specializes in coordinating weddings across the U.S., particularly in the DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Minneapolis areas. She’s also diving into the world of content creation—sharing makeup tips, hair styling, wedding insights, and self-development reflections through her TikTok channel, @Bethy_Creates. Long term, Bethy is working toward becoming a therapist, bringing her full-circle journey of creativity, empathy, and purpose to life.

Follow Bethy

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:  Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a great episode for you today.  My wonderful friend Bethy is back. We had so much fun last time that I thought it was  the perfect time to have her back on again.  She has been a wedding planning for.

 She has been a wedding planner for three years now  and doing party planning for many years beyond that,  she has a background in finance and accounting, but quit that life because she hated it.  We actually met  many, many years ago. We worked in the same office and she did accounting then  when she was in grad school, and  it was a pretty toxic job, but I’m so glad for it because that’s when we were connected those many years ago.

She not as many she does now.  She not does content creations sharing,  makeup sharing.  She now also does content creation, sharing makeup, and a little behind the scenes in her wedding approach as well.  We had so much fun hanging out and reacting to a wild wedding story per usual,  but this one was a little bit different.

There was a lot of discussion to be had,  and I’m still not completely convinced who the villain was in the story.  So,  that all being said, thanks for hanging out with me today and enjoy this episode

Christa Innis: Hi Bethy. Thanks for coming back.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Christa, for having me again.

Christa Innis: Of course. I feel like we just had so much fun last time, like catching up and hanging out. ’cause anyone that didn’t listen to last time, we worked together so long ago and then randomly I was scrolling on TikTok and I was like, that’s Bethy! Like, oh my gosh. It was such a toxic job that we worked out together. And so it was one of those where it was like, I like had always hoped to like see you again. And so it was like such a pleasant surprise to see you on the phone.

Bethy Abdissa: You, too. Yeah, I, when I saw you and I saw your channel and it was weddings, I was like, okay, this is kind of full circle.

’cause we were both, I was in finance and you were in marketing. Uh, and we all, both turned out to be somehow in the wedding industry. So…it’s funny. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like I’m like wedding adjacent now though, like I talk about weddings on here. I just changed my handle actually, because so many people thought I was a wedding planner, which

Bethy Abdissa: Finding planner. Yeah.

Christa Innis:  Yeah. And I was like, ah, no I’m not. But I have been involved in a lot of weddings and events, so I just changed it. ’cause I feel like I’m, like, if anyone has real wedding questions, I’m like, ask a real wedding planner. Like ask Bethy, ask Wedding Pro casts. You know, like there’s all these other people I refer them to now because I’m like, I know what I would do, but I would not consider myself a professional in the wedding industry. I do like day coordinating here and there, and I’ve helped with like baby showers and bridal showers. Yeah. And enough blabbing of me

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, that’s good. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: It was kind of funny that we both kind of just like made our way into like weddings and stuff. I still do social media stuff, of course, like marketing, but, um, it’s different.

Chaos, DIY Disasters, and Planner Wisdom with Bethy Abdissa

How is your like wedding event planning business going? Like any, any wild things going on there?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, yes. So I probably had the busiest summer yet. I think between me and my team and my business partner, we did around, I would say 45 ish, uh, weddings this past season.

And I have my last four this summer. Yeah. Uh, I have my last one coming up in a few days, uh, for the season. So I’m wrapping up everything in November.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh, that is amazing. So, are you talking like multiple weddings in a week? Are you talk like, how is that even possible?

Bethy Abdissa: So I would say about 50 to 70% of them are day of coordinating, um, gigs.  But all of our day coordinating starts a month, even five weeks before. So, uh, I’m talking multiple meetings in a week. ’cause um, I’ve had, I’ve had, I think the, the least weddings I’ve had is just one wedding a weekend. Um, but like, I’ve had three weddings in a weekend. Um, back to back to back to back. That’s like almost 14 hours each day. Oh, yeah. I, it was. I think I, I didn’t, I didn’t fully conceptualize what it meant until like, the end of the season and I was like, oh my God, I did these many weddings. But like every weekend, like it’s, you know, trying to figure out what outfit to wear, ’cause you, you have another wedding tomorrow and the day after and you don’t wanna come at 1:00 AM and try to plan anything the next day. So it’s just like that. And you know, I also do content creation, so trying to incorporate that. And I still have so many weddings to post ’cause I wasn’t able to keep up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Are you just like completely spent after a three day or three wedding day? Weekends?

Bethy Abdissa: So Mondays I usually like, don’t have any meetings.I block everything out. I literally, my body is like, what did you do to me? So Monday is like a complete rest day. And then I get back to my meetings and everything on Tuesday. So. Yeah, it completely wiped. But on the day, like I’m on my feet, um, minimum I was doing is like 15, 17 K steps a day. So I guess I got my workout in.

Christa Innis: Oh my.Do you take like, like, okay, how do you get ready for the day and then throughout the day, how do you like, get moments of rest? And you might laugh being like, wait, what do you mean moments of rest? Like, do you like make sure you eat something? Do you, like, do you get to sit down? Like for the dinner? Like what are you doing to like, make sure you’re like checking in with yourself?

Bethy Abdissa: So for like, depends on the wedding. I can tell before the wedding if it’s gonna be, um. A chill wedding or if it’s gonna be, um, I’m definitely not going to eat anything, so I’ll probably eat in the morning and probably not eat the whole day. So like I kind of can guesstimate what kind of wedding it will be.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, and the thing is, like if it’s a stressful wedding, even if there is food, like I just can’t eat personally. I just, I’m not the type to sit down, relax and eat. Um, so I kind of like plan on it. It’s almost like my adrenaline is so high that I can’t eat. You know? But before like, um, taking breaks, it’s not more so intentional. I just see the vibe of the wedding. I, you know, I check on the bride and see, ‘hey, is everything okay?’ You know, just making, once I get, like I would say right after the dances is when I get to kind of sit down.

Christa Innis: mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Around 9:30, 9 o’clock-ish when I get to sit down and then by 11 I start breaking down some things. Um, midnight is, you know, usually between midnight and one o’clock is when the wedding’s over and then say my goodbye.

Christa Innis: So that’s like built into your contract typically like if you are a wedding planning or day of coordinating or both, you’re always there the before.

Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Because if they don’t, and, and, and depends on like if they needed me earlier, ’cause it is for 12 hours and if it’s more than 12 hours, they have to pay extra.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, so. I tell them you have 12 hours, however you spread out, that 12 hours is completely up to you. But I feel more relieved if, if I am at the end of the day, um, there, because there is a lot of like, they, you know, logistical things like, oh, did you know every, did, did they pack the gifts?

Right. You know, um, is the money with the right person and you know, the guest books, all that stuff. Just making sure I hand it off to someone. There is maybe one or two weddings where I left early because they needed me earlier during the day so that 12 hour mark was over. But then I made sure, like I at least had an assistant  after me that stayed over ’cause they would pay me more than they would pay my assistant.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. So when you’re doing these weddings, you have an assistant with you, at least one other person with you? 

Bethy Abdissa: Depends on the package. Yeah. So if they, if I, if I can estimate that, like, oh, setup is gonna probably take more time. I say, Hey, I need an assistant, and they pay for the assistant.  

Bethy Abdissa: sSo I, yeah, that’s an extra fee for that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Kind of like how a photographer might as well bring like a second photographer or something like that. Mm-hmm. Wow,

Bethy Abdissa: girl. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like mid, yeah. Majority of it. I actually did it by myself this summer, but I, I had maybe three or four weddings where I had an assistant.

Christa Innis: Wow. And when you say like summer, are you starting, like, starting like May as like, as like wedding season? In the summer? Are you mean like summer months? Like actually,

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So wedding started my f well, okay. I would say my team did a wedding without me. And so, you know, I, I also do Maryland, DC Virginia. My business partners in the East Coast, so we do both areas. Um, she did one wedding in January, so, um, there was one wedding in January and then hopped to, uh, we started starting March, March, April, um, and then May is when it gets busy.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Crazy wedding season.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Interestingly, August is actually a very off season.

Christa Innis: . Interesting. Do you think that’s because it’s really hot most places or they’re getting back to school, that kind of stuff?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so it’s really, um, it really hot or it really rains a lot of places. Um, even venues with pricing August can be cheaper.

Christa Innis: Interesting. Wow. I know like where, where I got married off season. What if you got married April or January through April? It was like a cheaper price. We got, we picked a March date. ’cause you could save, but like, yeah. It’s also like cold where I live. So they’re like, they’re like June, July and August like was their prime, but, or may, may, June, July, August.

May, June, July.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. So August and November are considered like mid-season.

Christa Innis: Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you have actually the high seasons are, um, September and October. I was insane. Insane. I did I think seven or eight weddings in September.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That makes sense. I feel like the most weddings I’ve been to have been in September.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s a very popular season.

Bethy Abdissa: Very.

Christa Innis: September and, and October is, I feel like good weather. It’s so pretty too, if you’re like outside or heavy view of outside.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Maybe because honestly like the, maybe it’s just, ’cause the older I get, some are weddings, they’re a doozy. They’re not, it’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard. Especially like if, I’m sure if you’re working when you’re running around, but like sitting there like I’ve been to a weddings like outdoor in July, out in the blazing sun. And it’s just like, when’s this over? Like, it’s, it’s hard.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I have horror, like horror stories. Like this summer I did a back to back wedding in Wisconsin. Um, and it was 97 and a hundred degrees. Um, the first wedding was where it was 90. It was like, I think a hundred between nine, seven and a hundred degrees. It was completely out, like both the ceremony and the reception was outside. Mm.

Bethy Abdissa: No air ventilation, no ac It was a pavilion. I cooked the whole day.

That’s all I’m going through.  

Christa Innis: Was that June?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We, I, I live in Wisconsin. I think you knew that. Um, yeah. Yeah. We had a wildly hot summer. I remember we were supposed to go to a birthday party, a first, uh, a 1-year-old birthday party at the end of June. And we had every intention of going, but it was gonna be two hours away. I had, at that time, I had, she was almost, almost two and a half at that point. But we were gonna have to drive two hours. It was gonna be a hundred degree day, and it was at a park, and I made a last call decision. I was just like, I’m, I’m not gonna go. I don’t even know how that’s gonna work. I mean, my husband ended up going, ’cause there was, it was a family party, but I was like, I’m gonna take my 2-year-old in a car for two hours to a outdoor birthday party.That’s a hundred degrees. That just sounds miserable to me.

Bethy Abdissa: It is. And the bride couldn’t stay, like when the reception started, she’s like, I wanna take my dress off. So. That’s pretty much like the, I, I think like when you’re thinking about when in the planning season, and that’s why, like, I really encourage people like brides having a, a full planner because these are things we talk about when we are doing the full planning.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, once the day you get, you hit the day of coordination, I’m just there to facilitate what you’ve planned. Right. Right. So, and I see a lot of holes in the, in the planning, but it’s almost like I’m just mitigating what I can save on the day. Um, so like thinking about June and it’s a pavilion, like there’s no, like all the decor was flying, right? Like, uh, these are things that I’m like. So, uh, I am like, what the decor is flying and these are things that I’m like, like what? There’s on the day, like I can fix it and everything, but like, that’s why, like if you’re having a full planner, it’s also like the guest experience, like. Yes, you’re saving money, sort of, it’s not even that cheap, to be honest, to have a wedding outside. Uh, I did the math and I was like, you might as well have it inside. Um, but it’s like the guest experience is very important. Like I, not only do I have to deal with the planning and, you know, making sure everything’s okay, but guests are coming to me and be like, this, you know, it’s so hot. And like, and it’s like they’re, they’re looking at me as if I find it and I’m like, no, it’s not me. You know?

Christa Innis: As if you can solve the world problems in that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, yes.

Christa Innis: So, oh my gosh. Yeah, that’s hard because you, and you bring up a good point too, about a lot of times people see like the DIY weddings or they see like a tent wedding, they’re like, that’s so much cheaper. But I’ve been a part of those, both, both as like bridesmaids and as guests and day coordinator. And I’ve seen like a. It’s not a lot cheaper. The tent costs that if you’re adding a floor, if you’re adding tables and chairs. Plus, I feel like , too, you just think about, and some of the ones I’ve seen that are like the DIY type weddings, they’re paying more for all these different pieces to come together. Then you need more help because you’re not in like a venue where they actually have like people to set up stuff. So you’re either like having your wedding party do it or you’re hiring more people to come in, whether that’s servers or that’s people to put the tent together and you just don’t think about it a lot of times. 

Bethy Abdissa: Or my favorite of all is a family’s gonna help set up. And I’m like, I know. Yeah. I’m like, nah, they don’t, they’re not gonna do it. Like I’ve, I’ve broomed mopped a weddings because family was gonna set up. When family was gonna break down. And I’m like, yeah, they don’t, they don’t do that. And so now that I am getting more experience and, and understand that these are actually just like hopes and dreams.

I, I mitigate those things by saying no. If you, if there’s any family involvement, I actually hire an assistant or charge extra for an extra person to be there while I’m there. Um, just because I’m like, I do not want to, first of all, I do not want to rely on family, but also I’m not the type that just be like, oh, you’re, you said your family’s gonna, you said your family’s gonna clean up, so I’m gonna go, you know, I’m not that type.

So I, I like getting my work done. And also like giving you a peace of mind. And usually peace of mind comes with a cost. That’s the thing, like with DIY weddings, I’m like, yeah, you can DIY when you apply, you’re doing it the whole time, but the stress that comes with it, the time that comes with it, um, the amount of stuff that’s in your house, like craziness, right?

Like to create one little, um, bouquet or whatever, you have to buy a bunch of things. And so, so when you account the actual expenditure, unless that’s something you really, truly enjoy and you’re crafty and your creative in that direction, it’s actually more enjoyable for you and your entire family if you just hire somebody to do it.

Christa Innis: Yes.  

Bethy Abdissa: Um, yeah.

Christa Innis: You gotta think about the time put in. There’s always like the balance, like the give and take. ’cause like I remember the first few weddings I really helped with, like, they were like family, family, friends, a lot of them in the beginning. And it was like cricket was the big phase, right? I’m gonna buy a cricket, it’s $300, but uh, think of all the money I’m gonna save, right?

But then you think about all the time you’re gonna be cricketing, all these signs, all these things. And I was like the go-to cricket girl at one of these weddings I helped with. And granted everything turned out beautiful. It was a beautiful wedding, but I think they kind of underestimated how much power from everybody else they needed.

And it became this whole thing, this whole project for the family and all these like last minute costs, stress on family members. And when it came time for my husband and I to get married, I was like, I don’t want that from any, for any of our family members. I want our family members to be able to sit, have a drink in their hand, get some food, and not have to worry about like who’s tearing down, who’s setting up?

Oh my gosh, I do this. I’m like, I want you to look pretty on that day. Yeah. Enjoy yourself. Yeah. Like have fun dance to music. Yeah. Don’t be like, what? What’s my job? And no shame anyone that does that, if you know your family is helpful. ’cause I’ve, again, I’ve been a part of ones where it turned out beautiful and like my in-laws, like we, we did my sister-in-law’s wedding and it was beautiful and it was so much fun to put together.

She got really lucky on mother. Um, but I’ve also been a part of ones where it’s chaotic. It’s not put together. They, they, in their mind, they’re like, oh, my so-and-so’s gonna help me with this. They never asked so and so to help them. Mm-hmm. So then they’re scrambling at the last minute and it’s, it’s chaotic.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, it’s a hit or miss. And it’s like, uh, I think about it like, okay, what are they remembering from that date that they were working? The whole time they were sweating?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like literal, literally when they think about your wedding, they’re like, oh, the dance, they don’t remember the, the kiss or the ceremony.

The first time you, you know, the mom was putting the dress on. They have no memory of that because they were setting up. Yeah. And that’s, that’s why, that’s why I’m like, I, and I, like you said, I had phenomenal family members that really, like, I was so like chill the whole time. ’cause they were, they were really helpful.

Um, I just, that’s not my wish, I guess. But also like everybody does what they can with the budget that they have. So.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, and yeah, it’s funny because honestly until I was in my one friend, my one friend’s wedding and she said, I don’t want you guys to have to work at all as like bridesmaids. She’s like, I want you guys to have fun.

Like, I’m not having any of you like, have any jobs basically during the day. Mm-hmm. And that’s like the first time I like heard a bride say that. ’cause every wedding before that I’d been a part of setup, I’d been a part of all these things and I’m not complaining. ’cause again, I like that kind of stuff. I love being craft like.

You know, like we’re, we like that kind of thing. That’s why we’re in do what we do. But yeah. Um, many people like in wedding parties don’t like that stuff, you know? And so I felt like it was nice hearing that from a bride. Yeah. And then I just extra offered help for her. Like, I would just be like, Hey, do you want me to come over and help put together favors? Hey, do you want me to come over and help with? Um, I think I did like her guest book was like a globe and so like we did. And so involving myself that way. ’cause she was like, I don’t wanna make anyone feel like they have to work. And I was like, that’s kind of nice. That’s nice.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s nice to have those then you can help out more.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Because you want to, not because you feel obligated. Right?

BethyAbdissa:Yeah.

 

Bride, Mom, and Mayhem: Red Flags and Wedding Chaos

Christa Innis: I feel like we see that a lot. Um, have you had to be a therapist for any more brides or have any crazy stories of this summer that you wanna share that you can share?

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, so many. I think I. Um, actually I feel like, uh, one couple I worked with really loved, like, because I’ve worked with them for a whole year, they hired me for a full service planning.

So just seeing them even grow in communication and really like, inspired me because I can, like the first day versus the last few days before the wedding, I was just playing back all the meetings we’ve had, uh, so far. And, and I do, and I do like interject sometimes when I, you know, and I can see like, you know, a little, oh, this is what I want, this is, and I’m like, um, what he is saying is, what she is saying is, you know, I do that still, but I feel like weddings can really create friction in relationship, like just the planning phase. Um, especially when you have a third person and you are still, you’re still voicing what you want ’cause you’re not gonna, ’cause this is your wedding, but you’re still trying to keep like your composure or you’re trying to look like you are, you know, you have your things together, you don’t wanna look like the crazy one, you know?

And so I think like that pressure of like trying to also be truthful, but also balance, like still remain professional with, when you have a planner, you can see like the authenticity, the rawness of the relationship, but also like, there’s a lot of understanding that grows. Um, especially because they’re from two different cultures.

And so, you know, there’s just a, a, a mesh of that. And I think that’s where I was like. Um, niching down as a planner for me, ha was, has been important, like trying to figure out what, what types of weddings I wanna master with my business partner. We’ve been going back and forth and it’s like, those are the places where we, I feel like we shined as a team just to like figure out what is the sa the, the sweet spot between two cultures.

Right? The men, especially like if you are obviously from a different country and getting married in the US there’s one, there’s a, a, a cultural, um, I would say fusion that happens from where you were to the US and then between the two of you. In addition to that, if there’s a difference as well, there’s an additional factor of like, okay, we, we live in America. I’m from this country. You’re from this country. And so like having that, like almost like a, a sweet spot between those three, figuring that out, but also you as a person in a relationship, um, you know, talking to your partner, which is like your, your future partner, right? This is just one day, but it feels like it almost is like a bridge to your new life that you’re creating.

So it’s like so important. It’s, and it, and it’s, I, I saw them grow and honestly, at the end I was like, you guys, I’m gonna miss these meetings. Like, I really am gonna miss these meetings because even though like the wedding’s done, I feel like I got attached to them as a couple. Um, and I can see us like going beyond just this wedding. Uh, I, I think I’ll remain in that, in that family for a while. Like, at, at least, at least until I marry off all their cousins, you know? But yeah, so just watching that, um, there were, there were times when, honestly what, like, drama wise, there were, there were mothers that were just too involved, you know, and I, I saw like a groom that was completely disengaged because of the mother’s involvement. He would barely attend meetings, um, and. And it’s just that that type of friction was happening. I don’t know if it was her wedding or the bride’s wedding, like there was like, oh, this is what I want. Like literally these are words I would hear from the mother. And I’m like, that’s not your wedding.

Christa Innis: Wow, that’s interesting. I have to tell you and I wanna know your thoughts on this. Yeah. Like I said, I don’t do a ton of weddings anymore. I did like, I did, uh, one or two this year. No, I did one last year and I did two this year. Remember the year is like blended together. Yeah. But anyway, um, I had, and I do get consultations here and there and I’ll like usually do the first call, whatever, but I always wanna do the first call with the bride. Like the bride needs to be there. And I made it clear, well, I had a mother of a bride reach out. And she was so nice. This is nothing negative about the mother. But on the call, she made it clear that like she did everything. So like the things that she’d already done for the wedding was like done.

And I was like, oh, okay, is is blank gonna be joining us on the call? And it was like, no, she, she can’t make it. And so I, so to me that was like not a right fit because I’m very, like, my job is to work with the bride and groom or the couple getting married. Right. And again, I don’t take a lot of weddings in general, but I already knew off that call.

I was like, this is not gonna be the right fit if I can’t even get her on a call to talk about her plans and her vision for the wedding. And maybe she’s that kind of person that’s just like, mom, take the wheel and go. But what’s your take on that? What would you do if just like a mother of the bride or groom reached out to you?

Bethy Abdissa: See, that was my first red flag that I should have caught. She, um, yeah. And my business partner and I talk about it, and I’m like, that was like our, now that we’ve gone through it a couple of times, this is not our first rodeo unfortunately. Um, and so we’ve gone through it a couple of times. We’re like, okay, if the bride is not the person that is contacting us, and we request a bride to be there, and we can see that’s almost like a test of like how the wedding is gonna be, like the whole process of the planning.

Uh, I would say, I think there was a, there was, um, a desire for, and I took the call,for the business calls. I am the one who takes all the calls. So I, I think there was a desire of me to just like, get that business, but also make sure, because um, you know, I wanted to make sure that like, I wasn’t gonna say no, you know, like there was just like, how can I say no, da da da.

But like my instincts was telling me. It was gonna be a rough one, but I didn’t, I didn’t listen, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so I would say if you are a planner and you’re talking to a potential client, if it’s the parent, and you can, that’s literally how it’s going to be. Like, how you take the first call is probably how the whole conversation’s gonna be.

But now the other aspect is like, not only are you managing the mother, because at the end of the day, she’s not the bride. You have an additional person that you will get to at some point in the process, um, ask, you know, did you do this? Or do you want this or do you want that? And so it’s actually just more people to manage, more people to talk to.

Yes. Um, so it, it, it’s never like she’s completely eliminated from the process and the mom is taking over. That’s never the case, right? So it’s like, it’s, it’s more of like, you have two, two people. Then one’s not the bride. And then you have the groom and then also like you are the person that is trying to fix this.

And like I said, that’s the therapy place where you come in and you’re like, well, what do you want groom? You know? And you’re trying to include him because I feel like it’s not fair, but it’s not also like, do you care enough to make sure everybody feels a certain way or do you just do your job as in like just bare minimum and serve them and just, you know, move along. So I would say it’s a red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it definitely, that’s it. I feel like it complicates it in a way I didn’t initially see, but it’s like, yeah, it’s like, think about like, um. I don’t know. If you’re just doing a job in general and you’re like, let’s say the bride is your boss, but you never actually meet her.

Yep. The other boss or whatever. And so when you go to that first day, you’re like, wait, who’s my, who am I listening to here? Because when I, like I said, when I work with someone, I always work with the bride or the groom. Right. I, I get on calls with them. I ask about their vision. And so that would be really complicated.

And, and I always say too, in the consultation call, I’m always like, it’s not for just me to see or it’s not for just like you to see me, it’s for me to see you. Like, let’s see if we’re good, a good fit. Can I help you make everything come true? Can I do all the tasks you have? Right. I agree. And I can’t meet you for that initial consultation. What if the wedding day comes and like, I’m like. This is just not a good match. Or like the brides tell me one thing that’s different than the mom, but she’s the one that’s paying me, but it’s her wedding day. And I’m just like, that’s just because you hear those horror stories like you do, and it’s just like, what do you do?

Bethy Abdissa: I, yeah, I definitely had a horror story. I don’t, I honestly, I’m not even sure I processed it enough to talk about it because it was just like such chaos, like in, in, in every, in every way. Um, but I think my team and I did the best that we could on the day. I don’t think there were that many issues, but the planning process, um, the just like.

Not even communication. Um, I would book or I would search for a vendor, but the mom has already booked another one. So it’s like, like stuff like that that kept happening. Can you imagine?  

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. So yeah, that’s, yeah. So it’s like, and that’s also like causing double the work, right? Yeah. ’cause like you’re doing the work, she’s doing the work, ignoring what you’re doing, and then it’s like, why are they paying you to do this when she’s gonna do this anyway?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And then, or I would suggest a makeup artist and they would be like, no, da, da, da. And then two weeks before the wedding, they hired the same makeup artist I suggested. So it’s like, it was just, it was, I just counted the days for that wedding also, I’m gonna say.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But the thing is like, I love what I do. It’s, it’s almost like, um, a weird thing where the. It, the chaos doesn’t feel like chaos. It just feels like, oh, another puzzle. You know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: To be solved. So it didn’t feel like, um, I was actually more excited as the, as the, the problems were increasing, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I love that. I think that’s fun. I feel like you’re in the right, the right business. The right industry. ’cause I, I see it like that way too when I, the rare occasions I do them, but it’s like, for my day, I’m like, I have everything listed out what I need to do. And then as like, it’s like, it’s almost like a game of like, what’s that TV show?

Like road rules or something or you’re like mm-hmm. Driving around, checking off this box. It’s like a sc Yes. Sometimes it’s kind of wild, but you’re like, at the end of the day, then you can just put your feet up and be like, all right, we did.

Bethy Abdissa: It’s pretty much what happened.

Wedding Planner’s Scale: Stress, Flexibility & Memories

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get to this week’s story, I know we’re running kind of long on time.

Bethy Abdissa: I love, let me turn on the lights ’cause it’s getting dark. Sorry. No, you’re good. Because I didn’t know it was gonna get this dark. All right. There you

Christa Innis: are. No, I’m just kidding. Okay, so we’re gonna do a, a new segment this time and just rate on a scale of one to 10 from not important, not important to, very important in your as a wedding planner.

Okay. Okay. On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to you that the couple’s wedding reflects their unique story and personality?

Bethy Abdissa: It’s very important. Read. Read it. One to 10, you said?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say nine.

Christa Innis: Nine. How important is it for the couple to feel calm and stress free? Stress free throughout the planning process.

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a six. I, I don’t think it’s that important because it’s normal to have some, some sort of stress. And actually I like the ones that are stressed because those are actually the more prepared ones. The ones that are not stressed. I find out on the day that they should have been stressed.

Christa Innis: I was thinking the same thing. ’cause if they’re a little too calm and collected, they’re not, they’re not thinking about what they have to do.

Bethy Abdissa: No. That freaks me out. I’m like, yeah. I’m like, no, my God, I got a lot of work to do. My first consultation call. I’m like, how, how is the planning process? They’re like, we’re, we’re done. We’re 99.9% done. I’m like, okay, let’s go through what you think is done. And then it’s not. Yes.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, how important is flexibility when with plans or budget, when plans or budgets change?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say a seven. Reason I say a seven is a seven, 7.5. Uh, because yes, you should be flexible, but then you, the budget only changes because your want changes, right?

Like, we can do something that fits the budget that would just kind of being less than what you want. So the flexibility is there. But some, some brides and grooms have like, oh, our budget is 40 K, but then when we are spending, they don’t wanna know the numbers that we are spending. Um, so it’s like you really want to have.

A stop as a person, like you need to draw a line because if you don’t draw a line, I can get you to a hundred KII can get you to 125. We can get everything you’ve ever dreamed of. But the thing is like not having a stop will actually increase the pressure because especially the last bills of the weddings come up a month before, and so a month before when you’re paying it out, you’re like, oh, I didn’t know it was this much.

And so I would say it’s important, but the flexibility is important. But also having a boundary and saying, this is the number we are gonna stop with. This is also I think you have a life after a wedding.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Um, how important is it for the couple to have a detailed, realistic timeline leading up to the big day?

Bethy Abdissa: I would say again, maybe a seven or eight. Yes, it’s good. For your own sake, especially the get ready part, like I would say that your morning, your makeup, um, your bridesmaid schedule, those are the things that kind of trickle down throughout the day. So if you have that detailed, that’s nice. But I have brides that are in the wedding trying to tell me it’s at 7:05, we should be doing okay, calm down.

You know, like I don’t need that much detail of like how everything goes down because again, it’s not gonna be a hundred percent. Um, there are things that move around, but for the most part, like, like between five to 15 minute, um, like flexibility is important, but you know what ends up happening And this is why I am like, don’t worry, as long as we get to dinner, that’s always what I say. We get to dinner on time, everything else, don’t worry about it because people. Think people are gonna really dance. People don’t dance more than an hour. Like there’s only maybe one or two weddings where I was like, oh, these people are dancing. But more than an hour, an hour and a half people end up leaving the weddings 10, 10:30.

These are like my, my experience this whole summer. So I’m like, you could have just relaxed the whole day and just pushed everything a little, you know, spread it out. So don’t be so aggressive when it comes to like the, the, the timing. But I would say I don’t like keeping people waiting at all for ceremony or dinner. Like you need to be on time for ceremony and you need to be on time for dinner.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s what those DIY weddings too, when or when they start so, so early. Yeah. And then the girls are just in their makeup for two hours being like, you have nothing to do. I’ve been in weddings like that before, where you get your makeup done at 6:00 AM.

And then the schedule’s kinda weird or wonky. And then we were kinda just like left in the dust, like the bride and groom were off somewhere. It was still like two hours till the reception and we were just like sitting around like. All right. What do we do? Our makeup’s done, but like we can’t really go anywhere yet.

’cause the wedding’s not done and you kinda just sit around and then you’re exhausted. You don’t wanna dance, or you like maybe dance for an hour and then it’s like, yeah, you’re exhausted.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Up. I like the skeleton to work with, but I always change it. Like on my first meeting, I’m like, do you have a timeline?

They say, no. Great. I’ll make one for you. Um, if, if it’s, if it’s me planning the entire wedding, obviously I’m creating the plan, the timeline, but some brides come with a timeline of I’m doing like a partial or day of coordination. And then I look at it, I’m like, yeah, like even now, today, I, I, tomorrow I’m, I’m gonna have a meeting with the bride because I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.

There’s a 40, 45 minute that’s just sitting empty there. Mm-hmm. So like, those are things that I do, um, regardless of them having a timeline or not.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s good. Um, all right. How important is it to design moments that feel emotional and memorable for a couple and guests alike?

Bethy Abdissa: Well, I love that. I mean, that’s, I, I try to do that.

Um, and, and in my consultation I ask, you know, what is important? How’d you guys meet? Is there something, something we can, um, recreate? I did like one wedding. We did, um, it was an Indian American wedding. It is every, um, she used to write her notes, right? And so like random notes on sticky notes, blah, blah, blah, like love letters.

Basically, they. They recreated it on their, um, napkins for, um, the alcohol

Christa Innis: and for, oh, that’s like a sticky note that he wrote on. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: So, but it’s on a napkin. I actually took some Oh, cute. Because it looks so cute. So all the letters, um, you know how much I love you, dah, dah, dah, dah. And he would sign it at the bottom with his handwriting, basically recreated it on napkins for cocktail and for, um, the bar.

So I like just

Christa Innis: that.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, that’s, that was very nice. Or they did like, also, you know, those, um, deck of cards, those were their guest books. So, or every deck of card had a note from somebody and they were gonna play the card when they go home and they can see the notes. So, um, kind of like engaging the guests with also showing.

Their love story and the, and the whole process. So if, if I could do it, I would love to do it is I would say an eight would would, because it would increase the experience for the guests. But it could be a lot of work from the bride and groom perspective if they’re just like, I just wanna get married.

You know?

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I’m sure you learned that a lot in that first consultation to be like, okay, yeah, there’s someone that cares about the little details. Yes. And wants to showcase their personality. For sure. This person wants to check the box of these three things or whatever. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I love that.

Maid of Honor Meltdown: When Friendship and Wedding Plans Collide

Okay, let’s get into this week’s wedding story submission. Are you ready? I’m excited. All right. Let’s do it. Three we, three months before my wedding, my maid of honor dropped out over text. Now, I’m not sure if I should still invite her to the bridal shower or even the wedding. Here’s some backstory. Ever since I got engaged, things with my maid of honor, let’s call her Mary, have been rocky.

At first, Mary seemed excited and offered help, but I didn’t really need much early on since I was just booking vendors, I’d tell her I’m good right now, or share updates about the venue, and somehow it always turned negative. For example, when I mentioned that guests would need to pay for their own rooms, she accused me of making a profit off the wedding.

What? And she under weddings, where they pay for the hotel. And why does she think the bride would be making that money?

Bethy Abdissa: That is weird. So some sort of coordination with the hotel, I guess, where the bride gets the money?

Christa Innis: I don’t know why she think, why the maid of honor would think that, which of course isn’t true.

She just doesn’t understand how expensive weddings really are. Mary and I have been friends for a long time. She’s been dating her boyfriend, we’ll call him Jim for a while. At one point I jokingly said, your next Jim, just playful banter. But months later I found out they were actually mad about mad at me about that joke and thought I was a terrible person for saying it.

We eventually made up, but things never fully went back to normal. I constantly felt like I was walking on]eggshells. Why would they be so mad at her for joking about being next, like pressure?

Bethy Abdissa: I think there’s a, there’s hidden animosity.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I know. I’m wondering like, because I feel like there’s always this thing with these stories where like, they were dating first and then they were dating, and so you can’t get engaged before me because we were together first, and I see these happen a lot.

So I’m wondering if like, the maid of honor was dating the guy first. Yeah. Something like he didn’t ask her. I don’t know. Yeah. Um, a few months later, I decided to make my college friend Julie, my matron of Ner. Okay. Is this before she dropped out and told Mary they could share the role? Mm, that’s why Mary’s mad. What are your thoughts on that?  

Bethy Abdissa: Is is the story over? Oh, there’s a lot more. I mean, I feel like the bride, I could, first I was like, okay, made meat of honors and bride meat. They, they’ve, they’ve given me headaches this summer, so I, I was like, okay, I’m already like bridesmaids, bride, sweets problems. But when she said like, yeah, this is definitely, uh, I think she was pushing for problems to like, from the start, I feel like, because why would you even start the story from she dropped out and not actually start from here?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Because now I’m just confused as like, was your intention to already make her look bad? Because, and now you’re thinking of like, oh, it could be because they were mad then it was, because when I said this, she said that. So I, I’m, I’m curious to hear the entire story before I make my judgment, but now I, I, I see two problematic people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is wild.

Okay. I was nervous to tell her, but to my surprise, she seemed fine with it. Julie ended up being amazing. She helped with everything before I even asked, made planning easier, and kept me sane. Well, here’s the thing, I, I agree with you because I’m already seeing too, where she’s like, Julie, Julie’s up here.

She’s amazing. And then Mary over here has not been helping. But she said early on, Mary asked if she could help, and she said, well, I was just looking vendors. But now Julie’s helping with everything before she even asks. I think that’s overstepping. Yeah. Me personally, as a bride, I wouldn’t wanna bride me to come to me and be like, I did this for you without you asking.

I’d be like, no, no, thank you. So it sounds like she’s like giving Julie more reins to do things and mm-hmm. Maybe values her more as a friend. Yeah. Not long after I invited Mary to go flower shopping with me, and that went well, but when I asked her to help with a few DIY projects later on, it turned into a disaster.

We got into a disagreement because she has very strict values and I always tried to respect that. Okay. For example, I mentioned wanting to go dancing for my bachelorette, but she said she couldn’t go because of her relationship boundaries. Okay. That was fine. But my fiance said he didn’t love the idea either. You can’t go, I mean, teach the road. You can’t go. Damn thing. Okay. I joked to her, well, if you say no, then you can’t come to Vegas either.

You already know she’s feeling a certain way. Why are you joking at her saying that? Let’s just, that’s lie. Yeah. She threw it back at me saying I was being controlling. And when I tried to explain the context, she just kept arguing after that things seemed okay again, at least for a few weeks. I don’t think they’re okay. I think it’s like she keeps throwing, like digs at her expecting her not to respond and then she responds and the bride’s like, but, but what? I’m just joking.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Mm. I, yeah. The bride was, was uh, already. Interesting. I really didn’t see this coming. I thought, I thought it was gonna be the bridesmaid, but right now I’m, I’m for the bridesmaid, it just feels like, or the maid of honor, it just feels like she’s creating problems and trying to, okay. She doesn’t wanna go. Like again, why is there, why is there pressure there? If you already know her, you are making a made of, uh, her, you’re maid of honor for specific reasons. Either this person is close to you, you trust them, it’s somebody you want next to you, you’ve dreamt about this, blah, blah, blah, and you know them though, you like, how is their values gonna change for you overnight? That’s just not gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Like, I know who I’m gonna ask to do certain things for my wedding. Right. That’s just it. And, and she’s not, it’s not like this person came up with her like values now overnight. This is just the person she is. And her fiance also said the same thing. So I’m, anyways, I’m really curious where this lady’s going.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay. So she said, then out of nowhere I got an AI generated message from her

Bethy Abdissa: Out of nowhere,

Christa Innis: Out of nowhere, completely saying she was stepping down as maid of honor. Here’s what it said. Hey, first, I wanna thank you again for asking me to be your maid of honor. I’m just picturing like chat, GPT, like that meant a lot.

After reflecting more on where things are in my life in between us, I realized I need to step down from that role. This decision isn’t meant to hurt you, it’s just something I feel is necessary so that you can be fully supported by people who align best with your energy and vision. Right now, I think we’ve grown in different ways, and I don’t feel I’m the best fit to stand beside you.

The people sitting next to you should be the ones that are best for you. I’d be happy to come as a guest and support you from the sidelines. I truly wish you a beautiful wedding and joyful beginning to this next chapter. I mean, maybe she did use AI. We don’t know that for a fact, but. It sounds good.

Bethy Abdissa: Sounds genuine to me.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I mean, honestly, what else? What else do you want someone to say? I mean, she’s like, she wants you to be supported. Yeah. She knows she’s not in the place, or your relationship’s not in the place for her to be by your side. She’s respectfully stepping down. She’s communicating it instead of being rude and blocking your number.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, and she could have waited until last minute. Pushed it and made it about herself. Right. Like it could be, she wanted to be the talk of the wedding and, you know, leave a mark. So, so I’ve had bridesmaids do that like a week. Like I had a wedding this season, a week before the wedding. She said she couldn’t come.

Um, so there are, there are bridesmaids that do that. I honestly think this person’s, however bad the bride is trying to paint her. I, I am not seeing it.

Christa Innis: I don’t really see, I, I see this all as like a one is a lack of communication. Two, there was already some kind of animosity between both of them. I don’t think anyone’s like right and wrong or angel and demon, you know?

I feel like it’s like two friends that maybe had a falling out. Communicate to get right on the same page. ’cause this was, it says she dropped out three months before the wedding. So I feel like there’s, that’s still plenty of time. She’s respectfully saying like, look, things are off between us.

It would feel fake for me to be next to you and being like, Hey, we’re the best of friends. Especially made of honor. It’s not even just a bridesmaid roll. It’s made of honor. That should be like your closest friend. Um. Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: Someone who aligns with your values. And that’s what she said. She’s like, we are not aligned with our values.

You know? And, and that would be, and a wedding does show you that, by the way. Yeah. Like, it does show you like, ’cause some people are like, oh no, we are high school friends. I want her to be my bridesmaid. I’m like, are you sure? Because you probably don’t even know half of the things that she believes now. Like, you don’t, you don’t have the same values anymore.

People grow, people just evolve, you know, and it’s not a bad thing, right? Like, it’s not a bad thing at all. But who you want as a bridesmaid is not necessarily just a friend. Like, again, I think those, like even siblings, you don’t have to, you don’t have, like, someone you want as a bridesmaid is someone who doesn’t necessarily need to be your best friend. It needs to be somebody who can. Put their desires aside for that day, put their, um, wants aside and make sure you are, you know, taken care of. And they’re someone who is really good at organization. Like, let’s say your best friend is the worst, like not type I would say even worse than that. You don’t want her to organize your baby showers.

Your wedding shower’s just not gonna work. Mm-hmm. You are tasking her with something that she’s personally character not able to produce.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: You know what I mean? So yes, she could, she is your best friend and you love her for all the ways, but not the things that a bridesmaid or a maid of honor is required to do.

And that’s like when they say, oh, I want my sister. I’m like, the entire time I see them fighting the entire time bickering. I was like, nobody forced your you to make your sister your maid of honor. Right.

Christa Innis: They just think they have to like check that box. And I’ve even heard of so many parents, like pressuring, like, your brother has to be your best man.

Yeah. And it’s like, um, like this one guy in particular was like, my brother can never get anywhere on time. He’s never like, done anything. Like he, he doesn’t do anything for other people. Yeah. He’s always late. He, you know, all these things. He’s like, I cannot rely on him for anything. I don’t wanna be my best man.

But then the parents were refusing to come or pay for anything if he wasn’t gonna be the best man. It’s just like, why do people do that? Like, I don’t get that.

Bethy Abdissa: And then you would have a friend who actually shows up for that day who does everything, a best man does, but doesn’t get the appreciation or the place or the position that that best man is having.

And it’s like, hmm. It doesn’t make sense. Um, and those are the hard decisions that you have to make beforehand. Um, is this story over, this is interesting. I just, oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: There’s a little  bit more.

Christa Innis:  It’s not like a ton more.

Bethy Abdissa: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna go off. I was like, okay, let’s finish this topic.

Christa Innis: Okay. It says So in reply or talking about her message, she got, she says, it sounded so robotic that I immediately asked for more context because it didn’t even sound like her. Now you’re accusing her. I hate to come hard on like, people that like send in messages, because I think many times people expect I’m gonna be like, oh yeah.

Like they’re the villain. But I really try to look at it with open eyes and be like, okay, this is, I’m trying to be un as unbiased. I’m not involved in this. Right? Yes. Yeah. And so to immediate, if someone texted me a long, heartfelt message, whether it was AI or not, like, let’s take AI outta the equation.

Maybe someone helped her write it. They still took the time and they were communicating with you, right? Mm-hmm. And to be like, gimme more context. She was very clear. I mean, yeah, maybe she didn’t give specifics. She was,

Bethy Abdissa: But she  could. Yeah, she could say, she could see where it was going. And not only that, it was just like a bunch of, it’s not one thing.

Yeah. She literally said, we, we are growing apart. Like we don’t have the same values. Like how are you going to specify and say here, there that it’s just, we are not the same people we thought we were. So it’s like, yeah. I think that the clarification question, all that was just, uh, I’m sorry. Like I was actually, I would say I was already biased against the bridesmaid ’cause I thought she was gonna be problematic because of my experience.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: But I, I completely switched over.

Christa Innis: Mm. Okay. Let’s see. That’s when things got worse. She flipped it on me and said, I lied about a graduation party, a party, by the way, that my sister, my future sister-in-law, threw not me. It happened months earlier and Mary wasn’t invited. Apparently, she’d been holding onto that resentment the whole time.

Ah, now I, I just don’t know because she’s saying in this text it’s like values. But now she’s like, well, you went to a party without me. She kept accusing me of lying, but refused to say what I supposedly lied about. When I asked directly, she just repeated, you know what you did. I apologized, even though I genuinely had no idea what I was apologizing for, and she never responded.

Later I found out she’d been talking to Julie behind my back, complaining that wedding traditions are stupid and that she wanted to tell me directly. Julie told her not to. Mary also kept going on about how expensive everything was and twisted my words from another conversation claiming I called the bridesmaids fillers.

Oh gosh. That was completely taken out of context. Oh, oh. So she said it.

That’s why I always like, whenever people say that was taken outta context, and they’re like, oh, you have to like see the whole thing. I’m like, but was it said she?

Bethy Abdissa: She, she didn’t deny that she said it.

Christa Innis: So it’s like, unless you were quoting someone else, you said it.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I don’t know what context that would.

Be justified. Honestly, the thing is when someone says, you know what you did, I actually think the other person knows what they did.

Christa Innis: Oh, is that a hot take?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. No, I, I gen and they’re like, I genuinely don’t know what I did, dah, dah, dah. I actually think they know what they did, and there’s things that are like beyond conversation.

Mm-hmm. To to almost like spitefulness where you, where you feel weird about what they like saying what they did, because it’s almost mind boggling that they did that. You know what I’m saying? Like, it’s like, I don’t even wanna verbalize what you did because you, because it was. It was so calculated. It was so thought, thought out that like, I really just don’t want to address it and name it because I can’t even believe you did it, but you know what you did.

Mm-hmm. And I genuinely have been in those situations. I’m like, yeah, this person, they know what they’re doing. You know? And it’s like me telling them almost feels weird. Like, ’cause we we’re across that point where if I say it, there’s no coming back.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, we’re

Bethy Abdissa: I’m just gonna, yeah. I wanna, I wanna move forward with some sort of a relationship with this person. So I’m just not gonna say it. They know what they did. I know what they did. Let’s just let it be.

Christa Innis: Mm. That’s a good point.

Bethy Abdissa: I, I can kind of see that. Yeah. Yeah. Because she wouldn’t have sent that message and say, you know, I, I would still wanna be a guest at your wedding. Right. I, I still would wanna come, dah, dah, dah, dah. She’s trying to sever whatever’s left off this relationship.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: So she’s trying to let it die, you know, be cordial. Let me not be a bride, like a maid of honor, dah, dah da. I’ll be a guest, because again, this person could just be like, I don’t wanna come to your wedding. I don’t want anything to do with you, but she’s trying to suffer whatever is left.

But then the bride kept pushing and saying, what did I do? What did I do? And then she probably triggered into saying the things that she, she did.

Christa Innis: oh, okay. I, I can see that. All right.

She said, I had said I wanted to invite a few more people to the Bachelorette, and if some couldn’t come, it wasn’t a big deal, meaning the extras weren’t essential.

Not that I didn’t like them. Probably a poor choice of words on my part, but definitely not how she made it sound. Okay, so she’s saying like, to her pillar, other people to come.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know if that was a good choice of words either. Like, I don’t mind if they don’t come. You know, you could have said it in so many ways, but there were people that you wanted to be there and there were people that were actually fillers.

So

Christa Innis: yeah, I get what she’s saying, but yeah, you, yeah, you’re like, I’ve seen so many things happen. I, I can tell. And yeah, to kind of say like, she did say like, I don’t really care if they come or not.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, you could have been like, as long as five people are here, whatever. But no, it was more so like, oh yeah, those, there’s a specific group of people that you think if they come, you know, it’s just gonna look like a party because there’s more people there, but they’re not the core people that you want there.

As long as these core people are here, the other ones are dispensed. That’s what I’m hearing.  Because why would you use that word? I I don’t get it. Like, I’ll be like, yeah, uh, we invited 20 people, 10 people come. Great. You could, you could say so many ways without using the word fillers. Fillers actually means what it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Fiddler sounds like you just want a body there. You don’t body there. Who they are, what they’re doing, what they, yeah. Anything you just want a body. Exactly.

Bethy Abdissa: Exactly.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right. Last little paragraph here. It says, now I’m left wondering what to do. Do I still invite her to the wedding? Her whole family was supposed to be invited to, and the situation feels so awkward. I’m torn between wanting to be the bigger person and just be done with the drama all together. I, I don’t.  

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t invite her.

Christa Innis:  You wouldn’t invite her?

Bethy Abdissa: I wouldn’t if I was in the bride’s position. The thing is like, although I feel like the bride is the problematic one in this situation, I feel like the bride is the problematic one.

Why would you want somebody there that you are gonna give a half, half-ass hug too? Like, you’re gonna be like, oh my gosh, she’s here. You’re gonna roll your eyes. Your bridesmaids are gonna be talking about her, what she’s wearing, how she’s acting. Like, again, if it’s my wedding, I don’t want anybody there that I am not excited to see.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Or, or I know is happy for me a hundred percent. And it doesn’t, from the bride’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like this person is a good person for her.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Even though I disagree that the bride is the problematic one. I, I don’t know.

Christa Innis: I feel like you have a very mature way of looking at it. Like, ’cause that’s true.

It’s like ultimately when it comes down to it, yeah. You want, you know, clean air, you want someone, people that are there to support you. Yeah. Um, and not saying that girl said she didn’t, I mean, she just said she doesn’t fully support her and doesn’t wanna like be by her side for like me. It’s like, it’s so individual and like, since I’m not there, I don’t know how the relationship is in person.

I’d be like, since the girl said I’d be happy to come as a guest, then you put it back in her court and you invite her and she can then make decision. If she ultimately is like, Hey, I’m sick that weekend, you know, can’t come. Yeah. Then. Nail in the coffin then you’re just agree. Um, it’s hard too when it’s like, obviously if you’re gonna invite her family, you were probably close to her family as well.

Yeah. And it’s even harder, it sounds like you guys grew up together.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah.

Christa Innis: But I think, um, yeah, it just sounds like one of those friendships that are maybe just like diverging, you know?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. And I, and I think like when you think about like the, the bridesmaid said, I was gonna come and I wanna support you as a guest, you know, that was her intention.

Um, but if, if, if it wasn’t, if I was the bride in that position, I would’ve just invited her and stopped it right there. But the conversations that went back and forth would make me second guess. Like I just, I guess where I’m at in my life, I think is also a projection of sorts.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Um, I really, um. As a person who used to be married, um, and now I’m actually engaged, so,

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Congratulations!

Bethy Abdissa: Yes, thank you. Um, I wouldn’t want anybody that I literally see and have second thoughts of like, or any, any sort of uncomfortable situation. Like I’m really like, I don’t know if it’s like. Age, or I don’t know, whatever’s in the air like I have almost zero tolerance for any sort of second guessing in my life, even with friendships.

And, uh, I completely did a 180 on all my friendships. Literally cleaned house, I would say in the last three years. And just went through like, oh, these are things that I’ve just been like passive about. So I’m not passive about who is my friend and who is not anymore. I think it’s coming from that. So I might be projecting a little.

Um, but like I would rather have 50 genuine people that truly want my, you know, to me to be happy in my future, to be beautiful than to just have fillers.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, no, you know what? You make a really good point of, uh, ’cause I was only thinking about the initial text, the follow-up text. I’m just putting myself in the bride’s shoes, whether she’s right or wrong in all this.

Um, you know, I’m sure there’s things we don’t know that happened between them, but her saying, um, you know what you did. Like if a friend before my wedding said, well, you know what you did, I’d be like, alright, I’m not, I’m not playing this game. That aside, if a friend said that to me, whether I thought I was guilty or not, God, I hope not.

Like I hope I wouldn’t do something like that to a friend. But let’s just say that’s what she said, and the bride thinks she’s a hundred percent innocent then. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I don’t think she shouldn’t invite her, because you’re gonna be wondering, it’s gonna be catty, it’s gonna be bridesmaids me like, oh my gosh.

That’s the, that’s the girl she dropped out. Oh, she was talking crap about you behind your back. You know? And so at that point, can you move forward? You’re gonna need to like really hash everything out or wait till after the wedding and do that. But I, yeah, I, I don’t think you should. Yeah. But you not inviting her is also gonna be the end of your friendship, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: I think it, it, it sounds like if I was in the brides position, I would get to the bottom of it before inviting her. Like whatever she thinks I did, I need to know verbatim. Um, I would be like, okay, what is it? We are going to talk about it, we’re gonna chat about it. But if it, the conversation ended where the story ended, and I still, I’m, I’m going back and forth about inviting her.

It’s an immediate no for me. Mm-hmm. Um, but like, if we can come to a resolution, a conversation, because then it, it is over already. Like I feel like the friendship is over whether I invite her or not. If we don’t come to a resolution here because you, you are not supporting me on my biggest day of my life.

Christa Innis: So, yeah. Yeah. And why s why invite someone that we’re not gonna have a future anyway? Yeah. I don’t wanna send pictures if it’s gonna make me upset or something. Pretty much, yeah. I also get too, like if they’ve just been hanging onto a thread because they know each other so long, maybe they’ve been fading and they only, she only asked to be a maid of honor.

’cause how long they’ve been friends. I’ve been at that point in friendships before where like it’s just the final straw. Yeah. And I’m, I’ve exhausted all resources up here, spiritually, mentally, physically. And I see that last text and I’m just like, yep. That, that about did it. Yeah. I, I’m done with this friendship, I’m not gonna even try. So if that’s the case, if you are even like, consider questioning it, then Yeah. I think it’s just a no.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. Agreed.

 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Love that. Love that. We talked that through like we were their therapist. I’m like, picking up your therapist vibes.

Bethy Abdissa: Love it. Yeah. I, I think I need to do more of these like, reactions of like weddings and stuff like that. Even for my content, I’m like, I think I, I enjoy it so much. Um, but also like it’s so nice to just see it like firsthand and like literally in life to there. Yeah. The bridesmaid, if someone says, I have seven or eight bridesmaids, I’m like, uh, we have one or two problematic people say four, four is the sweet spot, like, say four please. And I’m like, oh, thank God.

Christa Innis: I had nine.

Bethy Abdissa:  Really?

Christa Innis: I would say a wedding once with 12.

Bethy Abdissa: Oh, Jesus.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So mine was even the biggest outta my friends. But I’ve been also in weddings where there was three bridesmaids. Oh, and they were problematic.

Bethy Abdissa: No. Yeah. No, I had, I think my first wedding, I think I had eight or nine too, and it was chef’s kiss. So Yeah. It’s not, it’s not a one size fits all for sure.

Christa Innis: No. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve also said too, like if I got married like years ago, like Yeah, like early twenties, I think it would’ve been bigger and there would’ve been some bad apples in there for sure.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then within that time, and then the time I got married, a few had been dwindling away and yeah, I think so. I think we cleaned house before that, but yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

When Photographers, Caterers & DJs Drop the Ball

Okay, before we go, I’ve got a couple of confessions that people send me. Okay. And we’ll react to those and then, okay. Exciting. Okay. I can’t read the small print. Okay. Um, this is about wedding vendors. Confessions. Okay. 

It said photographer didn’t get a picture of me and my now deceased father walking down the aisle. I would hope, well, that, I feel like the photographer would always get photos of walking down the aisle. So that would, that’s a definite mess up on their part. I would think so.

Bethy Abdissa: That’s weird because it’s not the only, but they took photos of them, like walk with the bridesmaids, walking the, like everything else but her and her dad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And that’s what I’m guessing. And some photographers I find you have to be like, really clear. Like, don’t miss this. Don’t miss this. ’cause I’ve been to weddings too, where photographers like had a contract but then like they did not do what they said they were gonna do. And if I had been more involved, I probably would’ve said something, but like, like one, they were like, oh, I’m gonna bring an assistant, like my second photographer.

Never brought an assistant, but they still wanted the full payment and then they just like paid just to like get them outta their way. And I’m just like, no, I never would’ve paid if they said they were being an assistant. They didn’t. So some used to be like really clear, like, this is the, these are the photos we want. We don’t wanna miss these. But yeah, that sucks.

Um, this one says our caterer showed up over two hours late, didn’t have one of the special request meals we asked for.

Bethy Abdissa: I’ve had caterers come two hours late too. What do you do? You just start praying, you know, that’s literally you, if you believe in God, that’s when you need to chip in any of that conversation at that moment.

I like they, they came to, they came on time but didn’t set up. I’ve had one, one wedding where she literally lied to me. The, the caterer lied to me about why she didn’t come on time and said, oh, you said it was four o’clock. And, and I have multiple, not only on the contract, but multiple text messages. I was like, you don’t need to lie.

Right. And then, and then basically I was like, I just need to get this done. Just set up. I don’t wanna hear anything. Right. No excuses. Yeah. Just, just set up right now. And then I had one where they’re like, oh, we’re, what time is the cocktail? And the cocktail’s almost over. Um, so what you do with that is basically I just finesse, like, I just like, okay, go past the appetizers and not set up right.

Like the last 15 minutes they passed the appetizer. Um. They’re two hours late. That means, you know, you just have to push things maybe a cocktail hour longer. That’s what I would do as a planner. I would just get people more drunk. 

Bethy Abdissa: So that they, you know, so then people don’t realize what time it is. And you know, I’m like, okay, well I’ll talk to the bride and groom and be like, okay, we’re gonna have to pay extra hour for the cocktail hour because yeah, caterers late.

And then we push everything an hour. Um. And then with the special meal request, I mean, I would say like some sort of conversation would, can, can happen after the, the event with the caterer. Um, most brides and grooms are super lazy to come back and say, Hey, our contract said this, that, um, but I would highly urge, uh, bride and room to go back and say, you know, we need to figure this out.

But yeah, two hours late is the most probably annoying thing more than the one meal missed , um, because that’s more people that was affected. But with the one meal missed, if I was a planner, I would actually go to that person, order them a food.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: Got get a a, like a DoorDash or Uber Eats or something. And I would serve them as a, like a specific special food for them.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Bethy Abdissa: If I was a planner.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I would say the only time, like you made a good point, like if there’s like appetizers and open bar, like people are hanging out, usually don’t notice. The only time I did notice was when there was a weird gap between the ceremony ending, ending in the reception starting, there was like a three hour gap in like this random town.

And so they went everyone back by like six o’clock for dinner, right? So he had us all get in, get to our tables, and then we sat for another hour. And I remember just being so hungry it was cold in there. ’cause you know, like usually you can like get happy hour, you’re getting like the vibe going. But like we went from like going then outside and like a December wedding. Back in. So that made it more obvious. ’cause we’re already sitting at our tables like waiting, no s going. But for the most part, if there’s like already a DJ or there’s like something happening, people aren’t gonna, yes. I feel like two hours is a long time though.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I always say have a cocktail hour. Even if you don’t, you’re not a drinker. You know, some of my brides and grooms are not like alcoholic or it’s dry wedding, I would say, you know, you can get, um, mocktails and soft drinks and, you know, even like fried foods, whatever it is. Yeah. Having some sort of food during cocktail hour is such a buffer.

It’s, it gets people in the mood like it, it’s such a good transition. Like I say, oh, every time they’re like, oh, we don’t have a cocktail hour. I was like, I’m just saying the guest experience is not going to be there. Like, people are gonna not gonna be excited about this. So

Christa Innis: I think people are always looking for some kind of refreshment after.

Yes, yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Doesn’t have to be an open. You could even have cheese and crackers and you know, from a grocery store, whatever. Absolutely. People need, people want something to like pick at, I think.

Bethy Abdissa: Agreed.

Christa Innis: Yeah. All right, last one. Um, let’s see. There’s so many here to choose from.

Um, gave the DJ a set list and timeline. He ignored it all.

Bethy Abdissa: DJs, DJs are my best friends and my worst enemies. 

Christa Innis: That should be a T-shirt.

Bethy Abdissa: Genuinely had, like, I had the best DJs and I had the worst this summer, so there was one who like, basically he rearranged the schedule, did not talk to me, goes back and forth with the bride, creates the schedule, and I’m like, oh guys, it’s time for cake. And they’re like, oh no, the DJ already moved the stuff.

So I’m like, basically. As the coordinator, I was be like following directions from the DJ and it was took over and was just like moving stuff. Yeah. And I, I, I avoided him like the plague the whole night. I just was like, if I talk to you, I’m a, I’m probably not gonna say nice things, so I’m just gonna, you know,

Christa Innis: I like keep my vibes high.

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah. I, I I don’t wanna do the non-Christian thing to do, so Please like, move away. So pretty much I avoided him, but I, I also let the bride and groom know, because I was like. What’s the point of me, you know? So, um, unfortunately, I, I try to break the ice. I do an email, uh, a couple emails before the wedding.

Hi, I am bey, da da da. I’m the coordinator. Here’s the schedule. If you have any questions on the day, I’m the person. I also make sure that all the vendors get meals, um, and that’s something we can talk about a different day. ’cause I, I, that experience was insane. I had a few experiences where the bride and groom are like, oh no, we’re not paying for meals.

Uh, so I make sure during my, you know, meetings with the bride and room that the, the all vendors are fed and all that stuff. So, and then on the day I actually supervised with the catering team to make sure, you know, the DJ usually eats at their, um, station. So I make sure they get everything and then. All the harshness, da, da, da kind of dies usually.

And that’s where I build a bridge. So they’re like, okay, Bethy, you know, let’s talk about it. Or they communicate with me before they do anything.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Bethy Abdissa: There, there’s just one incident. It’s just, I was like, if the bride and groom are happy, I don’t, I literally stepped away. But it seems like from the situation that DJ did not do what he needed to do, um, I usually, again, they probably didn’t have a coordinator.

That’s all. That’s what it is, like. Mm-hmm. It’s the most like forgotten vendor, but I promise you it is. You would rather. Honestly, you would rather lose one of the vendors before you lose a coordinator. Because if you had a coordinator, you told her that I would’ve pulled up. I usually do a rundown of all the stuff that we talked about.

So I would do, like, do you have the music that they ask for? What’s the music for? Um, the procession, the recession. I do all this stuff beforehand, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Or on the day we would’ve been able to fix it if the, you know, some music wasn’t supposed to be played and the the DJ played it.

So hire a coordinator. Like it all ends up being hire a planner slash a coordinator.

Christa Innis: Yes. Can’t say it enough. Those extra set of hands come, come very handy. Yes.

Bethy Abdissa: Yes. A hundred percent.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming back on Buffy as always. Thank you. Pleasure hanging out and chatting with you.

Always good to see your face.

Bethy Abdissa: Thank you so much, Krista. Thank you to everybody for just, you know, hanging out with us and chitchatting about weddings. Uh, Krista, I appreciate your time and your genuineness. Um, thank you for reaching out again and I hope to come back with more stories. I’ll have specific stories.

I just have, I haven’t processed the summer, you know, it’s, it was so much so I’m just like, I need to write it, blog it, you know,

Christa Innis: you need to like journal after these weddings,

Bethy Abdissa: that’s for sure.

Christa Innis: Where can everyone follow you and find your awesome content?

Bethy Abdissa: Yeah, so on Instagram it’s K Blossom events. It’s K Blossom under events.

That’s my business page. Uh, but both on uh, Instagram and on TikTok, um, Bethy creates. Um, and yeah, thank you guys for watching. I appreciate you. Thank you Krista. Thank you.