TikTok stories

Should parents get a say in wedding decisions if they’re footing the bill?

This week on Here Comes the Drama, Christa sits down with bridal makeup artist and TikTok sensation Kendra Matthies to unpack the high-stakes dynamics of wedding planning. With nearly a decade in the bridal industry and over a million TikTok followers, Kendra shares jaw-dropping stories from her experience—like the time a mother of the bride turned a makeup trial into a full-blown meltdown.

Together, they tackle hot takes like whether parents should have control over a wedding when they’re paying, plus tips for setting boundaries while keeping the peace. Kendra also shares insights into bridal trends, must-haves, and what she wishes she did differently on her big day. 

This is an episode you won’t want to miss! Tune in now for the laughs, the lessons, and maybe even a few tears.

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction 

02:42 Crazy Wedding Stories

08:23 Wedding Hot Takes

14:40 Navigating Wedding Opinions and Traditions

23:48 Wedding Story Submission

24:04 Dress Shopping Dilemma

26:27 Body Image and Boundaries

40:43 Weekly Confessions Game

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• Kendra’s journey from casual TikTok creator to bridal makeup artist with over a million followers
• A jaw-dropping wedding day story involving a difficult mother of the bride
• The importance of setting boundaries as a wedding vendor and maintaining professionalism
• Hot takes on plus-ones, engagement parties, and modern bridal trends
• How to handle unsolicited opinions during wedding planning
• Kendra’s advice for aspiring makeup artists in the bridal industry
• Discussion on body image challenges and harmful wedding industry standards
• A sneak peek at Kendra’s upcoming teaching events at beauty shows

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “You can give opinions without being a straight jerk. It should never be at the expense of someone’s self-esteem.” – Kendra Matthies
• “Too many opinions are always going to ruin something—it’s overwhelming, and no one can absorb all that.” – Kendra Matthies
• “It’s not the person’s body that’s the issue; it’s the cut or style of the dress.” – Kendra Matthies 
• “Just because someone is paying for something doesn’t mean it comes with strings attached or control over decisions.” – Kendra Matthies
• “It’s so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing everybody around you because they keep telling you, ‘You have to do this.” – Christa Innis
• “There’s no rulebook that everyone has to follow—it’s your wedding, your day, and your choice.” – Christa Innis
• “Clothes are made to fit you, not the other way around.” – Christa Innis
• “Sometimes setting boundaries gets you labeled as difficult, but protecting your peace is always worth it.” – Christa Innis

Mentioned in the Episode

• BOOK: The Missing Series by Margaret Peterson Haddix
• The Premiere Anaheim Show in February, where she’ll teach “Providing the Ultimate Bridal Experience from Request to Review.”
• The America’s Beauty Show in April, where she’ll focus on “Long-Wearing Radiant Makeup Looks for Special Events.”

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a licensed Esthetician and professional Makeup Artist with over six years of experience in the beauty industry. Trained at the Multimedia Makeup Academy in Troy, MI, Kendra has built a thriving bridal makeup business in Michigan, where she specializes in making her clients feel confident and radiant on their big day. 

Her passion for her work shines through every time she hands a mirror to a bride or groom, witnessing their joy as they see themselves transformed.

Beyond her artistry, Kendra is committed to giving back to her community and supporting organizations like The SafeCenter shelter in Owosso, MI. 

Fun fact: Kendra also has a creative side! She loves to sing, was part of an acapella group in high school, and has amassed an incredible 1.1M followers on TikTok, where she shares beauty tips, stories, and more. Whether in her studio or online, Kendra’s mission is to inspire confidence and positivity.

Follow Kendra Matthies:

• Instagram
• Tiktok
• Facebook
• YouTube

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

• Website
• Tiktok
• Instagram
• Youtube
• Facebook

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Kendra, thank you so much for joining me today.

Kendra Matthies: Hi, thank you so much for inviting me. I’m so  excited to be here. 

Christa Innis:Yeah. I’m so excited. I know, like you are one of the names I constantly were seeing about, like, you guys should collaborate. I want to see her on your podcast. And so I’m so excited to have you on and just chat with you because you know, the ins and outs of weddings and you’ve had a lot of experience with people.

So I feel like our content is very similar. Yes. So for anyone that doesn’t know you, can you just tell us a little bit about you and what you do?

From Makeup Brushes to TikTok Fame: Kendra Matthies’ Journey

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, so my name is Kendra Matthews. I am a bridal makeup artist, special events makeup artist, and an esthetician. I have been in the Bridal makeup industry for nine years now.

So for a long time, I also started content creating on TikTok just for funsies, literally not knowing that any of this would ever happen or could be a possibility because I was definitely that kid, like trying to start a YouTube channel when I was like 12 years old and failing miserably. All of those have been privatized now.

So don’t go searching. I started content creating a little over four years ago, and now I have a little over a million followers on TikTok, which is so crazy. Yay, I love that.

Christa Innis: I think it just shows, like, kind of learning your audience and then what you enjoy making, because I think the YouTube thing is so funny because I remember too like making videos when I was like 12 like in my room or something being like well I mean, I don’t even know if there was youtube then I don’t know probably not but you know, you’re just making videos and trying to like talk like you’re on a show and it’s just like finding your thing.

Kendra Matthies: Because the way I would even do that without recording myself, I’ve literally been doing my makeup just being like, alright guys, now we’re going to take this perfume and we’re going to do a couple sprigs. And my mom’s like, who are you talking to? Yes. And I’m like, look mom, they got me somewhere talking to myself in a room.

Yeah, well, we probably grew up seeing like Home Shopping Network or something crazy like that on TV. Yeah, it’s just like, we just, yeah, we didn’t know what was coming yet. Yeah. So kind of jumping into crazy stories and hot takes. 

Christa Innis:  What’s like, The craziest or most like unforgettable thing you’ve seen or witnessed when it comes to wedding prep or, being at a wedding as either a guest or worker.

Setting Boundaries in the Wedding Industry

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. So obviously I’ve had a few things happen to cut to my 200 video playlist of crazy story times and stuff.I would say the craziest thing that I ever did. had happened directly to me was, I had one time where there was a mother of the bride and she really was very particular about her look that she wanted and I tried to advise like, Hey, given the, like wedding colors and stuff like that, I maybe wouldn’t suggest like this bright purple eyeliner.

I don’t think it’s going to look amazing. She wanted that with a heavy smokey eye. It was really intense. and given she was 80 something years old, I was trying to just advise that that might not be the best, but at the end of the day, it’s What she wants to look like, so I’m gonna do it. So, I do it, and she ends up, like, completely freaking out on me, and telling me, like, she’s never looked worse, there’s no way I’m a professional, there’s no way that I should be doing any makeup services on anybody, ever, because Clearly, I don’t know what I’m doing, because when she met a smokey eye, apparently she just met, like, a little bit of brown in the crease.

Like, she didn’t mean, like, a full smoky eye. So she goes to the bathroom, and she washes it all off, and I offer to do it again, because I care. That’s one thing about me, is I am a people pleaser, and a lot of people will comment on my videos and be like, I can’t believe, like, after somebody was so rude to you, you still continue to be nice, because I don’t know, to me, there are a lot of emotions that are happening on a wedding day, and I try to be really, like, sympathetic of people’s situations, and it could just be my idea of something was different than theirs, and let me try to fix that.

It happens. So anyway, she goes to the bathroom, she comes back, I offer to fix it, and she’s pretty much just like, No, you’ve done enough, I’m gonna do it myself, and like kind of, not shoves, but just like, forcefully pushes me out of the way with her elbow to get around me, cause I was kind of next to a vanity area, so she wanted access to the vanity so she could do it herself.

So she sits down, grabs her eyeliner, pencil or whatever, and starts going to town, And stabs herself in the eye. And of course that’s my fault. So she is livid. She is freaking out. Basically. Like I ruined her daughter’s big day. She can’t believe I would do something like this to her. and she’s just so upset and the bride is mortified.

She’s like, no, this is not Kendra’s fault. Like, it’s totally okay. Like. We will get it fixed. Everything will be fine. It’s not Kendra’s fault that you went and took off your makeup and then poked yourself in the eye. And it was just this huge blowout. Everybody’s trying to calm her down and she’s just not having it.

And finally she ends up just leaving and doing her makeup, like, Her house, which was up the street. She was like, I’m just going to go home and do it myself. And she ends up coming back when I like leaving. And I mean, she looked fine. Like she did a good job. And so I apologized again, as I was leaving, just saying, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to do what you were looking for today.

And she just cursed me out. It was just like, just get out of my face. Okay, have a great day. And she’s like, yeah, no, thanks to you. Okay. And again, my car and immediately cried and called my mom because what do you do when you’re 23 years old and having some lady scream at you because she poked herself in the eye.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh, that’s terrible. It’s like, I get what you’re saying too. It’s like, I get those comments too in skits where people are like, That person was way too nice. But it’s also like when you’re being a professional too, you don’t want to just go off on that person and you know, cause you’re like, you’re still trying to be kind about it and you don’t want to make the day worse. It’s so hard in those situations.

Kendra Matthies: It’s really hard because you have to, it’s a really big balancing act that I think that people don’t realize, like wedding vendors, not just makeup artists, but wedding vendors have where you do have to have some sort of like, Boundary that you’re setting where it’s like, Hey, I’m here, but I’m here doing a job.

I’m not here. Like I’m your buddy, like hanging out, doing whatever you could talk to me any sort of way, which we shouldn’t be talking to our friends rudely like that anyways. But, especially to me, there is that client professional line that needs to be kept while still having fun. But I feel like.

There is this hard balance of trying to keep that while also providing good service and trying to de-escalate situations without somehow bringing the focus all on yourself as a vendor. Like, it’s really about just keeping the vibes light and trying to just Move everything over and it is really hard.

And it’s like I said, not just even makeup artists. I’ve seen like DJs have to like to call everybody down because they accidentally played the wrong version of a song or something like it’s hard and mistakes happen, even if it’s not always the professional’s mistake and trying to just keep the vibes fun and keep the day going is hard as a vendor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you say like, my emotions are high and it just keeps going, it could just keep getting worse. So like, I think you did what you had to do at that point. Just be like, girl, you do your thing because yeah, if you don’t, it’s just going to, that there’s no fixing someone like that.

Someone like that’s just going to, okay. So the next part I want to talk about is wedding hot takes. So I’ve been asking people on Instagram to share different unpopular opinions or, they’re kind of, you know, I don’t know. I guess hot takes. We would call it. Yeah. So here are some things that people shared.

Okay. This person said, plus ones. Why do you have a bunch of people you don’t know at your wedding? My wedding isn’t a free date. So what’s your take on this and what side do you tend to fall on?

Who Should Attend Your Wedding

Kendra Matthies: I think that really comes to me, I have to take into perspective the type of wedding that it is and the type of bride or person that’s getting married to it.

Is because for me, I actually had a really small wedding. I had a very, very small wedding myself. We only had like 50 people there. So when it comes to, like, limited space and,limited. Food and things like that, like, there’s only so many plates of food. Do I really want my random cousin to bring some person that they’ve been dating for a week?

Maybe not. Just because it is so limited and I would rather it be like, closer friends and family. But that’s just me. I think that it really depends on the person that is getting married to say like, Hey, I’m having this shoot. There’s already gonna be 300 people there. Bring your neighbor. What does it matter?

So I think it just depends on who it is and their comfort level with that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. Cause, we had like 140 or something, and for the most part everyone had a significant other that was being invited, but if it was someone, yeah, like, just like, bring a random plus one, or like a cousin that’s like 15 years old, I’m like, you don’t really need to fly and bring your girlfriend. You’re gonna be coming with your parents and siblings.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, I think it’s definitely like a case by case basis, but I can see where it would be irritating for some people where it’s like, you are putting so much money into weddings and for somebody to be there that doesn’t, one, probably even want to be there because I know that there’s times where people are plus ones to weddings and they’re like, I don’t know.

My boyfriend made me come and I guess I’m here. I don’t know. It’s like, do you want that energy at your wedding? Do you care if that’s energy at your wedding? Or is it just, yeah. I’m just so happy I’m getting married that I don’t care who’s there. So that’s where I’m like, I think it kind of depends.

But I can see kind of both sides where it would be irritating to some, but other people would just be like, no, I don’t care.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Okay, this next one, engagement parties seem unnecessary when you have a bridal shower as well.

Kendra Matthies: So I did not do an engagement party myself, personally. I think that was my perspective too, being that I was having a smaller wedding that I was like, if I do an engagement party and then I do a bridal shower, like, I kind of just did like a repeat party.

I think that comes down to Again, and I don’t mean to be a broken record, just kind of the type of person that’s getting married, like, is it very traditional in their culture to do engagement parties where that’s like, super important to them? Or is it just like, hey, I have been saving for this my entire life.

I want to do all the things. I want to do an engagement party. I want to do the bridal shower. I want to do the bachelorette. Like, I want to do everything. I think that it does kind of just come down to the type of person that’s getting married and what their expectations of their wedding is, but I think that it is to me.

If it’s not something that you’ve always dreamed of doing, or if it’s not something that you’ve always, like, planned on budget wise. It’s not necessary, I would say. I wouldn’t say that it’s something that, Oh great, I have to do this engagement party now, and now I’m cutting into my funds that I could be using to maybe get my favorite photographer for the wedding or something.

Like, I think that budget comes in mind with those things, and I don’t know. I just, I don’t think that it’s fully necessary unless it’s something that you’ve always planned on or that maybe somebody is going to throw it to you. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I totally agree with that. i think it’s too, it’s like, it does seem like one event after another, especially if your actual proposal was kind of an event or like a surprise little thing.

Yeah. Then why spend more money for a party?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, I can see that too. Yeah, I think that for sure if there was a proposal where it was like a big celebration, like, yeah, isn’t that like your engagement party? But yeah, I can see where different cultures would maybe do different things or just, you know, My family has always done it this way. So that’s how we do this type of thing. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, there’s a couple of stories that people have submitted to me where the mother in law really wants an engagement party and she wants to host it. And the bride’s like, not about that extra attention. So that’s where I’m like, you got to stick to what? Yeah, I think that.

When Too Many Opinions Overwhelm the Bride

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, if it’s not something you want to do, like, don’t do it. Like, I personally didn’t want to do a bachelorette party because I can’t drink alcohol, I’m allergic to, like, everything. I can’t, like, do a lot of standing on my feet because I’m, like, disabled. if you don’t know, I have POTS, I have hip replacement, like, I can’t just, like, be running around doing everything all the time.

So, to me, it wasn’t worth it. I had people offer to throw it for me, but I’m just like, What are we gonna do? it’s not something I want to do, and I’m grateful that nobody, like, pushed back on that, and was like, no, you have to do it, because I can’t imagine being in that situation where it’s like, and I hear it from my brides all the time, like, oh, yeah, so and so’s throwing my bridal shower, and like, I really wanted it to be very simple, very low key, and there’s an ice sculpture that you’re gonna pour your drink into.

I think that that’s where it gets hard when you are getting married because a lot of people feel very entitled to your wedding, especially the people close to you, and it is hard to say no respectfully, but I think it’s okay to say no, and there might be pushback for that, and there might be like a little bit of discourse that happens because of that.

But at the end of the day, it’s like, do you want to look back and be like, yeah, I don’t know what that bridal shower was. Like, I wasn’t even having fun or I didn’t, I don’t know what was going on there. I didn’t really even want to do that. I think it’s important to set those boundaries and be like, no, this is what I want.

And let life run its course, I guess.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, totally. I think it’s so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing everybody around you because they keep telling you, like, you have to do this. Because then I’ve noticed too, it’s like, even if in your own mind, your husband or your wife, you guys talk together and you’re like, this is what we want, this is what we don’t want.

But then when people start coming in, they’re like, no, you need this. Then you’re like, wait, do I? Am I gonna regret it? And then you start questioning your own decisions.

Kendra Matthies: I think that what happens a lot with weddings is, kind of like what I was just saying, like, it’s so A lot of people feel entitled to it.

One, because usually they’re very excited for you. I mean, the people that are trying to give you the most opinions and things like that, they’re usually like your close friends or family. However, it does get to the point where it’s like there’s too many opinions. And, too many opinions are always going to ruin something.

That’s why, on a side note, but kind of as an example, when I’m doing bridal trials, when the bride comes in, gets their makeup done, and we do the trial preview, whatever, I’ve changed up the name of it, it’s called a preview now, but when we do that, I typically only ask that they bring maybe one or two people, because I’ve had in the past where they brought like their entire bridal party, okay, well, Susan has never worn makeup.

She doesn’t like what makeup looks like on anybody, so obviously she’s gonna think that you look like a clown if you have, like, a tinted moisturizer on. So, I think that too many opinions can really overwhelm people. So, I think it’s important when you, like, hear some of those opinions, if it’s not coming from somebody that you already feel like, yes, this person gets it.

This person, like, sees the vision. They know what I want. Just in one ear, out the other. You can’t let it fully absorb into you, because it gets really overwhelming. Because a lot of it, unfortunately, does fall, usually, onto the bride, or, feel like it’s really easy to have all of those opinions and duties and, like, What color linens am I gonna do?

Like, everything in your brain all at once. Plus, a lot of people forget, like, yes, you’re planning this massive event, but most of the time, you’re still working, you’re still living your day to day life, so to have, like, I’m gonna go to work as a nurse, Work this crazy shift, but I’m also thinking like, oh my word, like, I have to do this cake testing and I have to do this and I have to do that and it can just get really overwhelming.

So add people’s opinions into that that are conflicting and crazy. It’s going to drive you mad. And that’s where I think a lot of the time bridezilla’s happen because it’s just too many opinions, too many things happening in somebody’s head. And nobody can absorb all that. Nobody can hold all of that.

So I think that, like I was saying, if it’s not coming from somebody that you respect their opinion, want their opinion at all, just in one ear and out the other is the best advice I can give. Mile a nod.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. Like thank you for your opinion. I will consider and then move on with it. Yeah.

Exciting. If you feed into it, you’re just going to keep getting more opinions and they’re going to be like, Oh, I’ve got some say here and right. And who wants that? Not me. Yeah. Okay. So what are your, so these are kind of like hot take questions. If you are planning a wedding today, what’s one modern trend that you would absolutely include and what’s, or what’s one that you would absolutely not include?

The Freedom to Celebrate Your Day, Your Way

Kendra Matthies: I definitely would include either the first look or the first touch. I really regret not doing that, just because I really love that first touch thing that’s become a lot more popular. I feel like first looks can be kind of hard because if it is super, like, important to your culture not to see each other.

Then obviously, like, that’s not gonna work. But the first touch, I think, is so cute. And the amount of times I’ve been asked, like, Hey, can I book you for an extra hour to just, like, stay until the first touch is done because I’m gonna be a wreck. And then I’m, like, sitting in the back bawling my eyes out about this bride that I’ve only known for, like, six months because that’s the cutest thing I’ve literally ever seen in my entire life.

I wish I would have done that because that is such, just, like, a cute little intimate moment that, I really wish I would have done something that I probably wouldn’t do. I mean, I was pretty untraditional with my wedding. I had, like, a friend marry us. I got married in, like, this loft studio thing.

I didn’t have a DJ. I didn’t have a phone. Bridesmaids, that’s a hot take. I didn’t have bridesmaids. Mostly for the fact that like, real, real talk, I don’t have a, I didn’t at the time, have a lot of close friends. And I was like, I don’t know, who am I gonna make my bridesmaid? My mom? Like, yeah, but also like, That’s sad, and my husband at the time, he didn’t, well, he is still my husband, but my husband at the time of the wedding didn’t have very many close friends either, so it was like, do we have his dad?

Which, it would have been sweet, but I don’t know, I just, that’s something I didn’t want to do, so I would say maybe that would be something that’s untraditional that I would keep, because my drama level, zero. My stress over the day with, like, getting other people ready and all of that. So, I would say if you’re somebody that is like me that maybe doesn’t have a lot of close friends or family that you’re like, Oh my gosh, I could not imagine my wedding without them.

I think that it’s not a bad thing to have it just be you and your partner up there. I think that’s actually really sweet. Rather than trying to put people into your wedding that maybe even a year later, you don’t even talk to them anymore. So I think being mindful of if you’re going to have people who those people are, but also true to yourself that if you’re like, I know that I don’t have anybody close and there’s nobody that I really want up there, don’t force it.

Because I just think that’s not. needed. So yeah, yeah. I think that’s the answer. Yeah. No, that’s a good one.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve been to weddings before where they didn’t have a wedding party. And I think it’s knowing yourself and knowing what you want for your day. And I, there’s so many where I read a story where, they each just wanted one person and the man, I think it was, no, the sister, the twin sister was trying to force her way.

Yeah. Into being a bridesmaid because it was her brother getting married and they were like, oh, we’re just gonna have one each She’s like, well, I’m the best man I should be on his side and it was this whole thing and it’s and you hear about parents pressuring their other Sibyl or other kids to be in the wedding Yes, like just because your siblings does not mean they have to be in the wedding it’s even just

Kendra Matthies: because they’re close siblings like my brother and I are like best friends, but When I made that decision that I just didn’t really want anyone up there, it’s not that I excluded him from the day.

He had other things that he was doing throughout the day and he was honestly the reason that that wedding went as well as it did because he helped, like I said, I didn’t have a DJ. I had a playlist that I made. He turned on the music, turned it off at the same or at the correct times. He helped Flip the room because the loft that we had, it was like set up for the wedding.

And then my husband, his name is Dallas, so that I could just say Dallas. Dallas and I started to go take photos. And during that time, my brother flipped the room to have it be like the reception and all of that. And I think that I valued that a lot more than I would have of him just Standing up there and then having to come with us everywhere and yes, he’s like in photos and stuff, but I mean, the way we did it, I was able to have him in all the photos that I wanted him in anyway.

We still got our like individuals and our couple with him. Like, I think I valued that more. So I think that just because, you know, Even if you’re not close to your siblings, but especially if you are close to your siblings, if you’re still like, I really would just like it to be just us, that’s not bad.

And there are other ways to have them be involved in the day where it’s still special.

Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. There’s no rulebook that everyone has to follow. Yeah. So it makes it unique and

Kendra Matthies: I think that that’s the thing that is or not hard, but I think that that’s the thing that gets Overwhelming for a lot of people that are getting married.

It’s like, well, I have to do it this way because it’s always been done that way, or I have to do it this way because, so and so did their wedding that way. Like, no, it’s your day. You could literally get married on top of a mountain with a random person marrying you guys. Like, it doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

You can do whatever you want and, you know, Yeah,

Christa Innis: no, totally, totally agree. I feel like a broken record. Sometimes when I say it on, in my content, because so many times you have so many opinions, like, even when I’m trying to share like a point, when I share a skit, people be like, well, if the mom’s paying, then she should be able to control everything.

And I’m like, no, that’s not how it works. I’m trying to like, show it doesn’t

Kendra Matthies: like matter. It doesn’t matter because your, gift of paying shouldn’t come with like, Requirements and things like that like that’s not really the point my parents helped out with our wedding But they also let me have that freedom like they were they helped pay for the food Okay, I have a gajillion and a half food allergies.

So they weren’t like, oh, well, yeah, you’re gonna have We ended up having this place called Tata’s Grill, which is, like Middle Eastern food, because I could have a lot of that food, because a lot of it doesn’t have gluten milk and corn in it, slay. But They weren’t like, ooh, nobody’s gonna like that, or ooh, the traditional is like chicken and potatoes and da da da da da.

They were like, okay, yeah, if that’s what you want, if that’s what’s safe for you, then perfect. Like, there’s no kickback there. And that’s how I feel like a lot of things should be. And I just find it odd when, yeah, GIFs come with those. Strings and those like requirements like you have to do it this way because I’m paying for it.

No, that’s not a gift. That’s holding something over my head and that’s not That’s toxic.

Breaking Free from Wedding Weight Stereotypes

Christa Innis: Yeah okay, so let’s jump into This week’s wedding story submission. So I kind of broke it up so we can kind of like Stop me at any time too. And we can kind of just react to it as we go. I have not read it.

So we’ll react, as I read it. Okay. Okay. My fiance has a kind of a tricky relationship with her mother who lives halfway across the country. We love her very much, but she can be extremely intense. And when my fiance was young, her mom inadvertently contributed to a lot of body image issues, lots of clothes shopping ended up in arguments and tears.

When we got engaged. The future mother in law was extremely excited and happy for us, and she wanted to be involved as much as possible. But it was kind of hard with her being so far away. She had a lot of crazy ideas, including catering our entire 125 person wedding with just herself and her sister out of an Airbnb.

It took months of telling her and reminding her how impractical that was and how it didn’t fit our vision before she gave it up. My future mother in law wanted to come visit to help my fiance pick out a dress, but my fiance really felt really uncomfortable with that because she knew her mom was going to be way too intense about it.

And she wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy herself enough to fall in love with a dress. So we made a plan. We are both women and we were both wearing dresses at our wedding. Before she came to visit, we went dress shopping with just our friends and told our future mother in law that we were dress shopping for me.

But in reality, the appointment was for her. Oh gosh, I feel like I can see where this is going.

Kendra Matthies: I think so too. I’m

Christa Innis: like,

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: I don’t know. It’s kind of like, we’re just talking about like, Holding the strings over somebody’s head. I need to be involved in this. Oh, geez. Okay. She found a beautiful dress that she loves and looks amazing on her.

And we called my future mother-in -law and told her that, unfortunately, we couldn’t find anything that I liked, but by coincidence, my fiancé just happened to find the perfect dress. And we were so sad that she couldn’t be there for it, but it was just so perfect and meant to be.

 but we could change the appointment we made for my fiancé to go dress shopping during her visit to pick out a dress for me instead, which was really the plan all along. She was a little disappointed, but she was glad that my fiancé found the perfect dress and excited to help me find mine. This way she still gets to be involved and we get some bonding time together.

 but my fiancé will either confront her mother about her behavior or have to suck it up to go through a really stressful dress shopping experience and be much less likely to criticize her. At least I hope so. She’s visiting this week and we are going shopping on Monday.

Also, I may already have a dress picked out anyway. I went with my mom and my sisters who are pretty chill and supportive. I found a dress I really like. Okay, That was no drama.

Kendra Matthies: I think that it wasn’t not no drama, I think that it does lead an interesting conversation to

boundaries and Kind of doing the non traditional. Thanks. Like, yeah, I think that when I went bridal dress shopping myself when I did not go to a normal dress shop, I went to this place called timeless bridal boutique and it’s this lady’s house that you go and her boutiques in the basement, but all of the dresses are brand new.

They’re all under 1000. Like, it’s really cool. But she has like a, you can only bring so many people. And for me, I grew up, I could actually relate a lot to this story. So I think it’s actually a good one that you pick. I can relate a lot to some people in my life contributing to bad body image because of shopping and because of things like that.

To the point where it’s like, I hate going clothes shopping. It can be really hard. So. I think that it does kind of open that conversation as to just because somebody wants to be really involved and does, that’s, I think I’m reading this right. It would be her mother, the one that provided the bad body image and stuff, right?

So just because that’s your mom and that’s what’s normal and you maybe would want them there to an extent because it’s your mom. If you know that in the end that’s just going to cause you, like, hurt, I think that it is okay to not have that person there. I kind of question how this is going to end. I don’t know if there’s an update to this one or not, but I’m kind of interested to see how this is ending because I can see this kind of going a couple of different ways where maybe, they go to do the One that’s the fiancé, and the mother in law comes and is helping shop for the dress and starts to be extremely harsh to the fiancé about their body and maybe, yes, you spared the daughter of this person, the direct the Attacks and whatnot that might be happening, but now you’re the one absorbing it.

And is that fair? So I’m interested to know if it ended that way, but I could also see where down the road, potentially, this mother in law might be like. Well, I didn’t even get to go to my daughter’s wedding dress thing and was very resentful because of that. I’m sad that the fiance couldn’t have that conversation with their mom and that it did have to kind of be like a secret

Christa Innis: thing.

Kendra Matthies: But I can see why she did that. I can see why you didn’t want to even bring up that conversation . I’m sorry, but I can’t have you there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it is sad that it had to be that way. I feel bad for that bribe that it couldn’t just be a, a, I am bringing these people and you’re not one of them type of thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like, now it’s like, That mother is going, I don’t know, like you’re kind of opening yourself up now to that mother critiquing. Hopefully maybe she wouldn’t have the same reaction to her daughter’s fiance. I would hope not. Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I would hope not unless it’s just going to be, well, I didn’t get to have this experience with my daughter, so I’m going to be extra critical of you.

I don’t know. Yeah. I would hope not though. i am happy though that she said that when it was said like, hey, we just happened to come across this dress and it was just so perfect that she didn’t have an immediate, like, negative reaction. Like, it just said that she was pretty much just bummed, but she was glad that she found something.

So that’s good and gives me a little bit of hope that maybe she wouldn’t be so negative at the fiancé’s dress trial, but I don’t know. Yeah. I don’t know. That’s a tough one. Yeah. But unfortunately, one that we see a lot. I mean, look at, like, Those wedding dress shows like all over the place that you’ll see where people are like, it’s almost like the point of the show is look at how these people are being so mean to this bride.

That’s trying on dresses. And they’ll be like, Oh my gosh, your hips can’t pull off that dress. And it’s like, dude, she’s like a normal person. What do you mean? Like, I don’t know. I don’t get it.

Christa Innis: I know. I actually just saw one recently from say yes to the dress and Okay, I guess I should back up a little bit, but like, it makes me wonder if like, The mom had always been like this, kind of like in this story where she’s like, she knew the mom was kind of controlling and had some comments when the daughter was growing up.

So she was good about protecting her peace and protecting her boundaries and saying no, in a very, smart way, you know, not like upfront, but,In this scenario, this girl had her mother there and she loved these different dresses and every single dress, the mom had a critique.

Like, even if she was like, Oh, this is the perfect dress. I feel like myself. And she’s like, no, you don’t look good. And then she would just like, say these things. And this is like on broadcasted on TV and she ended up and they showed it too. She ended up in the dressing room crying because of the dress that she was like, Oh, this is it.

This is it. The mom was like, no, look how it is, I don’t remember what it was. It was like hugging your side or some kind of critique. And then she just, and I feel like it taints the dress because then you’re thinking about the dress instead of being like, Oh, I feel so beautiful in this dress. You’re like, Oh, is hugging my back weird? Or does it look too

Kendra Matthies: flashy? I think when you’re going dress shopping, you are somebody who may be invited to go dress shopping with somebody. First of all, that’s a huge honor, because clearly they value your opinion enough that they want you to be there. But there are ways to give your opinion on things that aren’t just being a straight jerk.

Like, you can give opinions on things that are like, I think it’s almost like the everyday thing, where if it’s not something you can fix, In like five minutes. If it’s not something that, oh, it just needs to be hemmed, or it needs to be taken in here, or maybe it needs, like, a little extra coverage in the cup or something.

If it’s not something that could be easily fixed and it’s something to do with that person’s body, we don’t need to talk about it. We don’t need to, oh, that’s not flattering on you. Oh, that’s not da da da da da. Because it really should never be about the person’s body. It should be about the piece of clothing and it should be about, like,

Christa Innis: Mm hmm.

Kendra Matthies: I don’t know. For me, your girl’s got hips for days. I’ve got, I’ve got a large hip. So when I tried on a more fitted style, it wasn’t that I was the issue. It’s not that my body needs to lose, however much weight to fit this dress better. It’s that the cut of the dress is not wide enough for me.

And that’s how my family that was with me worded it. They just said that just the cut of this isn’t wide enough for you. And that’s not your fault. It’s just the style of dress. So I think that when people are going to these dress appointments and stuff like that, you have to be mindful of the fact that like, yes, you can give your opinion to an extent, but it can’t ever be at the expense of somebody’s like, Self.

It can’t be at the expense of like, Oh my gosh, your cleavage is just pouring out of the top, and it’s just so bad, and da da da da da. Is it really that? Or are the cups maybe too small? Maybe just the cut of the dress is very low, and that’s the issue. It’s not the person. It’s not their fault; that’s how the garment looks on them.

So I think that people need to be really mindful when they go on these shopping experiences for that, because yeah, then it gets the person thinking like, Wow. I can never wear this style of dress or wow. I can never look good in a dress or why am I even trying on so many because everything I’m wearing out there is just getting something negative and it’s about me, not the garment.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like the quote, clothes are made to fit you, not the other way around, because people think like, I did lose five pounds to fit in this dress. It’s like, no, just buy a dress that fits you. Fits your body. Exactly.

Kendra Matthies: And it’s really sad because also in the bridal industry with dresses, a lot of the times, the sizing of the dresses are way different than street sizes.

So that really starts to make people think like, oh my word, like I’m already wearing, like I’m normally a size eight, but I’m wearing like a size 16 in a dress. Like this is insane. And da da da da da. And. I think that’s where it’s also like, clearly size does not matter in this industry, because things are always going to be different.

But it’s also like, I don’t know, a brand of jeans can have like a size eight, but you try on every size eight and they’re all going to be a little bit different because of the material or the cut of the fabric. Like it’s just, I don’t know. Yeah. You can’t take into effect your body versus the cut of the dress or the style of the dress.

Christa Innis: Yeah. As you were talking, as you were talking, I was thinking too of like my wedding hot take and I don’t even know if it’s a hot take, but this is something I’m so sick of hearing because I heard it a lot when I was engaged and I wonder if you did too, but, let’s say like after I was engaged, I’d be like at like either like some kind of event or party, not like big, just like with friends or family or something.

And I would. Eat, put food on my plate and someone would make a comment about what I was eating because they’re like, Oh, are you shedding for the wedding? Or, Oh, we’re trying to get fit into that wedding dress. And I heard this so many times that I was like, should I be losing weight? Like, and you just start questioning yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Like, I never was like that it’s a really harmful thing that is very, very prevalent in this industry for sure, because I’ll hear it when I’m just, doing a bridal trial, and I’ll be like, Oh, hey, by the way, when you guys are heading out, there’s a nice little, like, cafe up the street that if you guys want to go get sandwiches or something, and maybe the person that’s with them is like, Oh, no, we are just trying to keep it light, or there’s a chocolate shop a couple doors down from me, and I’m like, they have some really awesome chocolate, like, make a treat of today, like, get yourself a little chocolate or something, and they’re like, Oh, no, she really shouldn’t, and it’s like, Why, why that is so prevalent. I don’t understand. And it’s a really strong issue with some of my plus-size brides that I have. 

Like, the stories that they’ve told me when they’ve gone wedding dress shopping of the heinous things that people have said—either the family members that are with them or even the dress shops.

Some of the things that they have been told are just awful and seamstresses say just the worst things and I just clearly think the person they’re marrying loves them for who they are as a person and probably for how they look in this moment. Why is there this big culture? The standard is if you have to lose so much weight or lose this much before the wedding that you can fit into a dress or buy a dress size that’s two times smaller than what you should be wearing so that you can have a goal.

Like, why isn’t the goal just to be who you are? Why does it have to be that I have to change myself to get married? Why, why am I not good enough as I am? And I just, I’ve never understood that. I think that it makes sense to, if you’ve already bought a dress, it fits you, and it’s the size that it is, like, yeah, just keep doing what you’re doing, maybe don’t, like, completely go off the deep end, I guess I should say, and just, like, expect that, oh, I’ve put on a little bit of weight, it’s gonna fix, or it’s gonna fit exactly the same, but even then, like, dresses can be let out, like, things can I don’t know.

I just don’t understand why it is such a common thing to, oh, you have to lose weight.I just don’t, I don’t get that. I hate that. I hate

Christa Innis: How is it so tied to weddings? It’s like, open page, like, try to lose weight. It’s so common. Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, like, truly the standard, which I, don’t understand, because one, as somebody who has struggled in the past with, like, an eating disorder, like, let’s say somebody else has, they finally get stable, they’re in a loving relationship, they’re wanting to get married, and they found the dress that’s perfect for them, and now they’re just trying to celebrate with their family at, their bridal shower or something, and let them eat the second slice of cake!

Don’t comment on that. It doesn’t matter because all that’s going to do is throw them right back into that situation that they were in before where they are constantly thinking of it. And again, like I was saying before, if you’re working full time, having all of these random opinions in your head, having all these responsibilities, and then additionally thinking about your appearance 24 7, It’s going to drive you crazy and that’s how you end up with bridezilla’s and that’s why I think that with this career there comes a lot of having to be sympathetic towards people and be understanding that yes emotions are high because think about what this person’s been thinking about they’ve been thinking about how the linens have to be perfect and how the flowers need to be the right type of flower and how their dress needs to fit them perfectly because Aunt Susan said if I gain five pounds, I’m going to be an ugly bride.

Like, you, it’s a lot to put on somebody and that’s where I think that having that understanding and kindness towards somebody on their wedding day is super important, even if They are high strung or they’re very just like, ooh, you have to be understanding and that’s why a lot of the times in my stories you’ll see it’s usually not the bride that I’m talking about in the weddings because a lot of the times if they do something to me at a wedding or if it’s like really like, unless they are like that the entire day and they’re basically telling me to like, get lost by the end of it, where I’m like, whoa, that was a lot.

Nine times out of ten, if something happened in a moment of just like, ah, within like an hour they’re coming up to me apologizing, like, it’s just a lot to put on somebody and it can be just very overwhelming.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, definitely. I know. I see comments sometimes on my skits that are like, you should talk about bridezilla as you talk about mothers all the time.

And I’m like, if you’re getting mad, maybe look in the mirror for a second. And I was like, I do talk about others or have skits around other people. But a lot of the stories are sent to me by brides from their own experiences. And so I just want to showcase that experience. And of course ,there are bridezillas, but you’re absolutely right saying, I think a lot of times it’s them knowing to set their boundaries and just in general, if women, a lot of times say no or have a boundary, they are.

Called certain words, and so I think in general, it’s just knowing like, okay, I’m going to protect my space here. This is what I want, and you know, I want to move on from that. Totally agree. And I know we’re getting towards the end of our time, so I don’t want to, I want to respect your time here. We got one last thing.

Wedding Confessions Tea Party

It’s our weekly confessions game and how this works is I’m going to read confessions that people sent me on Instagram. Oh, gosh. And just rate them from, one is mild tea and ten is Absolute chaos. If you have anything to add, feel free to ask. Okay. This first one. My husband’s cousin drank their mini bottle of champagne, which was the favor, then stole more off my family’s tables.

Kendra Matthies: I think that’s like two. That’s a little annoying, that’s a little like, what the heck, but definitely not like the craziest things. I mean, when people are drunk, they do silly things.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. My sister-in-law told me if I ever had a wedding, she wouldn’t come. She lives an hour and a half away.

Kendra Matthies: I’d give that like an eight. That’s a lot. Like, that’s a lot. Like, I think that you are really just saying, like, you are not worth an hour of my time. You are not worth an hour and a half of my driving time, and you are my sister. Like, wow, that’s

Christa Innis: sad. And it’s not even saying, like, she’s already engaged and has a date set and was like, oh, I can’t make it.

She’s like,if you ever have one,

Kendra Matthies: I’m

Christa Innis: Not gonna squeeze it into my busy life. Um, okay, last one. SiSister-in-law nailed the cake. Mother-in-law got a last-minute cake that looked and tasted like crap, and then she dropped it.

Kendra Matthies: I would have to say that’s at least a nine. At least a nine. Because nothing’s worse than when you feel like you have everything under control, everything’s like that somebody bails on something, and then, It’s just like this huge rush of trying to get it fixed, and then for it to end up bad, and then dropped, like, that’s awful, that sucks.

That’s awful. Just one thing after another, just at that point. For real. Yeah. I’d just be like, you know what, everybody gets a cupcake or a crumble cookie, like, that’s all we get. Yeah. We gotta deal with it. Aw. Yeah. That’s sad.

Christa Innis: Oh, my gosh. All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It was great. It was so nice

Kendra Matthies: to virtually meet you.

Yes, I

Christa Innis: love it.

Kendra Matthies: Yes,

Christa Innis: I know. I feel like we have such similar audiences and content. And so yeah, it was a perfect lab. Yes, it was destiny

Kendra Matthies: We needed to meet.

Christa Innis: I’m so excited. So can you tell everyone where they can find you, follow you and any other projects you’re working on?

Kendra Matthies: So you can find me on, tick tock at Kendra underscore Matthews.

And then it’s Kendra Matthews on Instagram, on YouTube, and on Facebook. I am working on just a lot of education this year. I’m going to be teaching a lot at beauty shows. So, the most prevalent one will be in February. I will be at the premier Anaheim show teaching, Kind of a good class in regards to what we were talking about where it’s Providing the ultimate bridal experience from request to review.

And it’s kind of going behind the scenes of how to streamline your booking processes and things like that, but also how to provide that great day of service. And also kind of handling different situations that might come up, just ways to kind of, Boost yourself as a makeup artist. I would say, especially in the bridal industry.

So that’s coming up here in February. And then in April, I will be at America’s beauty show teaching a long-wearing radiant makeup look for special events.

Christa Innis: Oh, cool. And I know everyone can’t see you, but I have to say, I love your lip color. What

Kendra Matthies: Is it? Thank you. I need a new red. So, just so happens to be right next to me because I definitely touched it up before I got on here, this is the Jane Iredale color lipstick in the shade scarlet, which looks,

Christa Innis: I was just thinking I’m like, cause I know we’re recording this before Christmas.

It’s going to come out after, but I was like, I need a red for Christmas. So maybe I’ll look, Oh,

Kendra Matthies: I love these. They’re like a one-swipe. Amazing lipstick. Yeah. They’re great.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. Awesome.