in-law conflict

What have weddings taught me after 45 episodes? More than I ever expected.

From runaway brides to mothers-in-law who weaponize place cards, this past year has been filled with stories that cracked me open, lifted me up, and changed the way I see relationships entirely. In today’s special Thanksgiving episode, I’m bringing you the most heartfelt, jaw-dropping, empowering moments from the show — the ones that made me pause, tear up, rethink, and laugh out loud. These are the stories that reminded me why I started HCTD in the first place.

Whether it’s choosing yourself, challenging tradition, or surviving the wildly unexpected, these moments will stick with you the way they stuck with me.

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My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

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Check out the full featured episodes here:

• Education Hot Seats, Reality Checks & a Red Flag Romance — with Colleen Borgert
• Hired Bridesmaids, Fake Weddings, and a Parking Lot Party with Jen Glantz
• Baby Bumps, Brawls & Breaking the System with Payal Desai
• Sister Betrayal, Blood on the Dress & Wedding Regrets with My Best Friend, Ivette Bracken
• Queer Fashion, Wedding Etiquette and a SIL Showdown with Kati Kons
• Dress Codes, Divided Families & Day-Of Disasters With Lisa Pontius
• Career Pivots, Friendship Red Flags, and a Trashed Groomsuite — with Rebecca Rogers
• The Mental Load, Modern Motherhood & Drama That Sent Someone Packing — with Paige Connell
• Relationship Red Flags, Family Dynamics, and a Shocking ICU Revelation with Kate Gray, LMFT

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

06:47 A Wedding Day Disaster

09:45 The Role of a Professional Bridesmaid

13:25 Challenging Traditional Gender Roles in Marriage

20:06 The Importance of Valuing Stay-at-Home Moms

21:33 A Wedding Dress Fitting Gone Wrong

33:06 Starting in Wedding Fashion

33:37 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire

34:26 Queer Wedding Fashion

36:13 Wedding Planning Challenges

39:10 Marriage and Personal Timelines

51:20 A Life-Changing Event

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• The Real-Life Rom-Com – A wedding party meet-cute turns into a love story that proves fate sometimes shows up exactly when it should.
• The “I Don’t Want to Do This” Bride – Minutes before walking down the aisle, a bride confesses she hates the groom… and the solution is unlike anything you’ve heard.
• Internalized Misogyny in Marriage – A candid conversation about gender roles, cooking, and the pressure women still feel to “perform” domestic duties.
• The Dress Fitting Disaster – My own wedding dress nightmare involving blood, chaos, and an unexpectedly emotional hug.
• Fighting for Nontraditional Fashion – How one stylist is helping brides and grooms redefine what wedding attire should look like.
• Listener Story: When “Next of Kin” Turns Toxic – A partner is shut out of the ICU by her boyfriend’s mother after a tragic accident — and the fallout is heartbreaking.
• Listener Story: MIL Wedding Takeover – A mother-in-law forces half the guest list to be cut… for her tennis buddies. Yes, really.
• Listener Story: The Pocket Money Getaway – When a bride jokes about needing “escape cash,” the truth behind the humor becomes painfully real.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
• “Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
• “Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
• “Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
• “If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis:  Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a kind of different episode for you today as today is Thanksgiving. I kind of wanted to use this time as a little reflection back on the last year. It’s been about a year since I started prepping for and recording podcast episodes, which is just. Wild to think. I feel like I just blinked and here we are. Um, this is episode 45, which I just, I truly can’t believe, you know, when I first set out to do this podcast, my goal was to have 25,000 downloads for the whole year. And as of recording today, which is. Two weeks prior to it coming out, we have officially hit 200,000 downloads, which still just blows my mind to think about.

Um, so I just wanna say how grateful I am for this journey for you guys to listen. And it’s just been so fun to. Be able to share and chat with you guys in just a completely different way than I do in my skits. You know, a lot of times in my skits I play these characters and it’s funny ’cause people comment sometimes.

They’re like, I don’t know if like, when I were to meet you in, if I were to meet you in person, which version I would get? And hopefully none of those. Um, but. This allows me, this podcast allows me to kind of open up to you guys a little bit more, have more conversations with other people, chat about things in a different way that I don’t always get to or don’t find the time to, um, on social media. So I just appreciate you guys for. Listening for downloading, for sharing with friends, and I just feel so much gratitude today. So, um, I really wanted to take the time, you know, it being Thanksgiving, um, to just express that to you. Um, it’s been a lot of work putting this podcast together and. You know, in the beginning I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

And so being able to look now, look back now and see how far it’s come, all the amazing guests we’ve had on the show, the people I’ve met through just creating content, the messages you guys have sent me has truly just been unbelievable. And, um, I tend to get emotional when I like sit back and like let it all soak in. But I’m gonna try my best not to. I, I. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot of the times. I, I am a planner by heart. I love to organize and I love to get things, you know, where they need to be. But I move pretty fast and sometimes I just move, like with the, the, sometimes I just move with the motions. Um, meaning I don’t always put meaning, I don’t always take time to sit back and be like, whoa, what is, what is happening here?

Or, wow, this is really cool. Um, even last night I was like sitting and I’m like. I published a book that’s always been a goal of mine to publish a book and I just like, was like, okay, onto the next. And so, um. I, I was reminded by when I had, um, Lisandra Vasquez on here, she talked about how, um, it’s really good to, you know, when bad things happen, we’re taught to say this too shall pass. But she said, also, with good things, reminding yourself, this too shall pass. Meaning. To really soak it in while it’s there and to really soak it in while things are good. And just allow yourself to really feel the gratitude and to feel, um, the excitement from that part of the journey. So, I know that was a long tangent, but.

I just want you guys to know what this truly means to me. Um, it’s been so great and I have so many more exciting things coming for you both on the podcast with book number two coming out and other things up my sleeve that I cannot wait to share. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys so much for being here. And of course, happy Thanksgiving. I hope you guys have a great day with your friends, your family, and you find things to truly be grateful for. Um. So, yeah, we are doing things a little different this week. Um, as I am reflecting back on this past year, instead of a full new episode, we are gonna be sharing some segments from some of our best episodes, some shocking stories, some impactful moments, and I can’t wait for you guys to listen to ’em all. So we’re gonna, we put something fun together for you and I can’t wait to, and I can’t wait to. And I can’t wait for you to listen and enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week, and I’ll see you next time.

So without further ado, please enjoy this week’s episode.

Christa Innis: You said you have a story of how you met your husband at a wedding, so let’s get into that.

Meeting Mr. Borgert

Colleen Borgert: Okay, so I met Mr. Borgert. we were both in the same wedding party for my cousin almost 16 years ago.

And, he clocked me right away and was that’s the girl I wanna marry. So we got to the reception, danced a little bit. there was definite connection early on. We both went our own ways. the next week he called my cousin, old school, got my number, called me on the telephone. I heard this man’s voice who does that anymore?

So un heard of these days. I know. And he asked me out on a date and we have been together ever since. But yeah, he went up to my cousin who was the bride, and said, I just want you to know I’m gonna marry that girl. And

Christa Innis: oh my gosh, that’s like a romantic story.

Colleen Borgert: I know I love.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. So how is he connected to the wedding?

was he like a groomsmen or He was I guess your cousin’s husband.

Colleen Borgert: Yes, friend. He was, a longtime childhood friend of the groom. Okay. So now they get to be at family functions together and we’re like pretty our kids together. So it’s. wonderful.

Christa Innis: I love that when they’re already like connected, so there’s likeno extra introduction.

you got an in, he’s got an in. and then for you, it was a family wedding, so your family was probably already there. did he like meet your parents then at the wedding and everything?

Colleen Borgert: I don’t know if he necessarily like, them at the wedding.

Yeah. But was invested in the fun that my family can have for sure. We are in good time, so I love that. Yeah, he was there for it.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s awesome. I love that story. ’cause usually when I ask people crazy stories, they’re like, I try to not put people on the spot, but,

I love that it was like a positive good story. Yes. Because people just remember these crazy moments. That’s why I share them. But like for the most part, there are so many great wedding stories and like fun moments and wild moments about, yes.

Things hanging out. Awesome. I love that.

Professional Bridesmaid or Emotional Support Human?

So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s likeone of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. that was the first time that this has happened to me. you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because that just doesn’t seem right to me. this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and. My, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is

Christa Innis: crazy. It was crazy. like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind oflike it sounds so Crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both yeah, you know,I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So likenobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways.

And that happens. not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light.

Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it.

I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and what are your favorite parts of it all?

because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You

Christa Innis: know,

Jen Glantz: I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings.

I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this deep love for strangers and helping people. I don’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a party or wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or know, whatever it is. and I’m

not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s the relationship is I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. go through with it go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Weddings: Where Chaos Meets Champagne

Payal Desai: I’ve been thinking about how everyone really has internalized misogyny within us, especially like the way that I grew up and what I saw as in front of me modeled.

Everyone has internalized misogyny. And one way that it showed up in my marriage is that my husband loves to cook and he always has. And so when we got married, that was the role that he just naturally took. so we would meal plan together and everything, but then he would really execute the dish.

And I did not want like anyone to know about this. I did not want his parents to know, like I didn’t wanna make it a topic. I didn’t wanna tell my mom because every time it came up socially, like it made me feel like I. It made me look bad. Like I wasn’t fulfilling my duty. And there was even one time we hosted his family over and I made him tell them that I come to the lasagna and he was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Like I’ll tell them that’s okay. Like I’ll tell them that you made it. And I had not, I had assisted, I had sous chef. I was not doing it. And it still counts, but like,yeah. I was so worried about how people view traditional roles oh my gosh, I feel so

Payal Desai: seen right now.

Christa Innis: I still, yeah.

Payal Desai: It’s taken me a really long time to just now proudly be like, yeah, and it comes from women a lot of times, like women will make snide remarks and be like, he’s the one that cooks. Yes. Okay. if I bring a dish to a potluck with friends, they’ll be like, what did he make? This is my husband.

What did he make? He made a buffalo chicken dip and it’s really good. Yes. So the way, the tone in which it’s shared or like just giving him credit, I’m like, What are we doing? Like,there’s internalized misogyny in us.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s too, couples that maybe haven’t, you know, openly have that conversation of maybe the woman does everything.

They almost feel like. I don’t know the right word to say, but like, when they hear like someone’s husband does do some cooking, they’re like, oh, my husband can do that. And so it’s like an instant, like they’re angry that it’s not working out for them. ‘I’m not gonna say who, but there was someone close to me that like, when they found out my husband like cooked dinner for us one night, to their husband.

They were like, oh, you never cook for me. And it was just this like awkward moment. ’cause I was like. Okay. I don’t know. Yeah. that’s the same, my husband really enjoys cooking. And cooking for me has always been like second nature. Like I do okay if I like focus, I don’t find complete joy in it.

Payal Desai: I don’t find joy. I’ve never really found joy in it. And I think that when you are in a partnership like we’ve been talking about, like when one person has a strength and they take it on, it’s not as though he’s in the kitchen doing everything on his, I’m like, behind, I’m cleaning.

I’m sure you do dishes. I’m sure you’re like part of it because you both have to be part of it. Yeah. So I think that when people know he cooks, they just picture me laying on the couch. We have two children. Somebody’s giving them baths, like somebody’s doing something. There’s always something. My hands are never just idle,

but whenever we know that a man is taking on a very traditional role, Society is, wants to criticize that. I don’t understand it. I really don’t get it

Christa Innis: 100%. I feel like there’s so much more discourse about that now and the older generations that almost didn’t really have a choice where it was just like the man goes to work, he comes home, dinner should be ready on the table, maybe even like older.

’cause I. I don’t know. I think my parents’ generation was starting to equal a little bit, but it’s like grandparents’ generation for sure. It was like dinner on the table when you get home. Mom takes care of the kids so now that they’re seeing this conversation, people that I feel like.

It worked for them, and they’re like, why can’t the wife just be cooking? Why can’t this happen? It’s

Payal Desai: you gotta question who was it really working for? who remained extremely comfortable in the way that it was. if we wanna sit here and assume or make the, statements about how happy our grandmas were Cross culture, they were not. were oftentimes burdened without a choice. Yes. There’s not a lot of happiness in that. Okay. So you gotta just be able to critically talk about these things and not just be like, why can’t it just be like traditional?

Christa Innis: Yeah. a hundred percent.

 yeah, I don’t share a lot of my personal. Life on out here. But I’ve had two different, molds when it came to my grandparents. And like my grandmother I’m really close to, I don’t even know when it was, I was a kid when she got divorced, but she’s always taught like such independence, like she’s done everything for herself.

And I feel like I learned a lot from her. Yeah. She was like, women can do everything. Like she was an ER nurse and she’s I knew more than the doctors. Doctors would try to come in and they would try to, these men would try to tell me what I knew, and she’s I knew more than them.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you go girl. And she was like, brought a lot of that, out of me, because I’m like, yes, not she’s not traditional in that way. So I was like. Yes, we need that. That’s amazing.

Payal Desai: And rare, right? Like I’m sure for her generation that was a little rare and maybe even getting divorced was not accepted by society.

’cause it, wasn’t as common for her generation, the next generation. Yes. It became like more common Women were no longer tolerating and like joining the work for like full-time. You have two parents who are working full-time and if the domestic labor is not, if there is an equity in that, then it’s going to cause conflict as it should.

Christa Innis: Yes. definitely. Oh my gosh, I feel like we could talk about this forever. I love it. Oh my God. Yeah. I’m so like, passionate about it just because I feel like it makes such a difference in the way like. I’m able to parent because my husband’s an equal part. Mm-hmm. I feel like so many women can’t speak up about that or they’re just, we’re pushed into the role of

Payal Desai: I feel like stay-at-home moms are amazing and I think that is your passion and goal and like,do it. Yes. But so many are pushed into that role without asking if that’s what they want or if they want. More. And I know I can get on a whole topic

from that. I really could too, because I think that a stay at home mom, we need to start looking at that a literal job with duties.

And you would never be working somebody around the clock, right? Like you would never give them 24 7 tasks like they, they’re working overtime constantly. Other jobs do have boundaries. Usually, or you can put in place healthy boundaries. And I’m just reflecting on like my job as a teacher, which oftentimes can have no boundaries, but I had to really work to do that.

So you’ve gotta be with somebody who also understands what you’re doing is a service. It’s a job and you may not be getting a paycheck for it, but you’re saving your family money. Yeah. So there is, like a financial aspect of being a stay at home mom and we need to be talking about that a lot more than we do.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to be valuing it as Yeah. The full job that just talking about because, I used to work for like a mommy brand and I worked in a mom group and so many of these women were just Almost put in a spot where it’s like their husband controlled every single thing.

And so it’s like they wanted that stay at home job,  mom role, but then they weren’t able to have a certain amount of money and it’s No, we like value because. By her doing this, you’re allowed more time at work or you’re allowed more time to do this. and so yeah, that’s one of the many issues in our society right now.

Payal Desai: Yeah. Yeah,  

Christa Innis: Wait, I’m laughing because I just realized we never talked about my dress fitting. Should we talk about it?

Ivette Bracken: I just thought about that. Yes. Tell the story please.

Because I immediately thought about that.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. So I can believe I’ve never shared this before. was it my first dress fitting? No, I think it was your second. So it was to try it on. So I went into my dress fitting and I think for that one it was no ’cause

you had already been

Ivette Bracken: there before.

Christa Innis: Yeah, this was,

Ivette Bracken: yeah. So this is your second time. So I must have gone, did I go by myself? I think Jordan went with you the first time, didn’t she? And then I went with you the second time.

Christa Innis: Okay. Jordan and my mother-in-law, I think went the first time maybe.

Yeah,pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and first okay me, you and my mom pull up, or no, you are maybe behind us or something. We pull up and I called the woman and she was like, I don’t have any appointments today. And I’m like, yeah, you have an appointment. we’re outside. and she’s Nope, I’m looking at the books.

I don’t have anything. She’s can you come back? And I was like, my maid of honor and my mom or are here and they live an hour away. we can’t really just reschedule today. And she’s oh, okay, be there in 30 minutes. Can you just go to the local coffee shop?

Which ended up being really cool. That’s a great experience. It was really great ’cause it was friends theme and we’re big fans of friends around here, so that was really cute. But we go back and she’s still not there. And then she like. Quickly comes around the front lets us in. No, she doesn’t even let us in.

I think we let ourselves in. She’s in the back, doesn’t even come out to say anything. And you can just hear her back there and she’s like, yeah,be out in a second. And I was like, okay. It was like another, what, 20 minutes? Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: We were waiting for a while. Yeah. she was a grandma, right?

So she had, was it one grand baby or two? Just the one, I think one was there and she was like, toddler, she was a toddler. this woman is stressed out, sweating. I can hear like in the back, things falling down, being knocked over. I feel

Christa Innis: the

Ivette Bracken: tense, like tension? Yes.

So then she was like, what was your name? I was like, Krista. And she was like flipping through pages back there in this room in the back. And she’s like,yeah, okay, we’ve got your dress. we’ll get it on. And she comes rushing out and puts it in the room. And I like go in there by myself.

Christa Innis: I like, shut the door or did I go in there by myself? No, I can’t remember. And then I like slowly open it or something. And I was like, Eva, come here. And you’re like, what? And so you and my mom came in and I was like, there’s blood all over the dress. it wasn’t just like a couple spots, it was all over, underneath the layers.

Ivette Bracken: Like a trail of everywhere she was touching, which is the whole. Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.

Christa Innis: Yes. And I feel like she like overheard me say that and then like came back and she’s oh, it’s just a spot. And then just quickly sprayed and wiped. And I was like, internally panicking because like in that point of course, sure most things can come out, but it’s just like a kind of a weird thing to be like there’s someone else’s blood on your dress when you’re like here to try it on.

Yeah. I think she was like panicked doing it fast. Like really fast. And I was like, okay, you know what? They said something’s gonna happen wrong during your wedding planning. And I said, this is the thing. And I’m just glad it’s my dress and it’s early. I was internally panicking, but I think at that point you took the lead and you were just like, okay, what’s going on here? And you were like, just, kind, but you were very like, firm with her. Like,okay, what are we doing here? And she’s like,I don’t know. And then she held her hands up and her hands had cuts all over them, almost like she was just moving really fast.

So I think what happened is she had me down for the wrong date. And then when I called and said I was outside, she panicked and was like, I have to do this right now. Which if she just said, I forgot, I would’ve been like, don’t worry. Yes. If we

Ivette Bracken: would’ve known, like it wasn’t just, oh, I don’t have, anything booked, but it’s actually not done.

 even after that, you are so understanding. I was shocked. I saw everything happen. okay, late stress is going up. she’s. In the bath, you can feel the tension. Your stress level’s going up. Oh my gosh. Your dress, your wedding dress is covered in blood stress is like up at the top.

But then once I like talked to her, you talked to her. I think your mom too maybe. I can’t really remember, but I feel like your stress level was going down and then I feel like at the end of it, did you hug her or is that my imagination?

Christa Innis: Yeah. So you hugged

Ivette Bracken: her?

Christa Innis: I could tell she was so like embarrassed cause I feel like there’s people on the internet that like here, oh, you’re an empath, blah, blah, blah.

But like I can sense, and some people out there might agree, they might call me weird, whatever. But when there’s tension or I can tell someone’s trying to hold in. if they’re upset, I can sense it. I swear to God it’s like a sixth sense. I just felt like I believe that. Yeah. So even when she got like the spots, she got most of the spots out.

She was spraying it and then I finally tried it on, right? So I’m staying in the mirror and she’s doing her normal thing. But you can tell like she’s holding back tears. Like I could tell and this poor woman, like you could tell she does not do this normally. She kept saying, I’ve never done this before.

I’ve been in business for this long, I’ve never done this before. I’m so sorry. Kept saying sorry. we’ve all been in shitty positions where like we either forget something or we mess up something, we’re late to something. we’ve all done that. And so like I could tell even when she was looking at the dress and I was standing on the podium or whatever you wanna call it, she was like holding back tears.

And I think she felt so embarrassed. And so then when we were booking the next appointment, she was like shaking. I remember seeing her hand shake ’cause she was so embarrassed. And I go, Hey, it’s okay. I was like, it’s fine. we are good. You did a great job. And I was like, can I hug you? And I was like, I remember that.

Ivette Bracken: I don’t even know what she said, I was like teary-eyed I feel like the tears coming right now because no bride does that. just says so much about your character and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.

But no, seriously, It’s your wedding dress. Every little girl dreams about getting married and like having the perfect dress and you have a situation and at the end of it, instead of, taking your dress, going somewhere else, you’re being like, I better get this for free. none of that. It was, Hey, you did a great job.

And I remember you asked her for a hug and she was like, yes. And I saw you guys hugging and I remember looking at your mom and we were both like, just so moved by that. And it was just so sweet to see and yeah, such a good story. And when we left, there was still blood on the dress. Like you said that she cleaned it all up.

She didn’t get it all off. there was still blood on the dress. Do you remember that? A lot of spots, I think. Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think ’cause I was just like. Why, and I don’t know where this comes from, but I’m like, why make someone feel worse? she probably feels terrible right now that she like messed up or forgot or, she’s so embarrassed because I read these stories with these bridezillas and honestly, most stories that get sent to me aren’t bridezilla stories.

They’re mostly like family related, whatever. but you read them and you’re like, why make someone feel bad for a mistake or an accident or I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, I know you have two and it’s like you’ve seed stuff like that too. People are terrible to people in the service industry.

People are terrible to anyone that’s just trying to help them out. And I’m like, I would feel awful leaving knowing that she was crying because of that situation. I want her to be like, no. I’m still your customer. you’re busy. You do a great job. I obviously came to you because you were recommended by me.

I’m not gonna leave like a bad review or anything. The dress ended up looking gorgeous. I loved that dress. I still love it. there’s so many heightened emotions around weddings and I feel like it’s so easy to lose your cool. Of course, like you hear about it all the time, but you to remember like the people you’re working with are human too.

Like they’re allowed to make this. Yeah, absolutely.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I’ll never forget it. Yeah, I knew, I was like, no, she hugged her. I remember she asked for a hug,

Christa Innis: and honestly, that’s I shouldn’t say out of my character to ask someone for a hug, like a stranger. I know Something came over me and I was just like, she really needs a hug right now.

cause I just, I remember just seeing her handshake as she was like writing the next appointment and I go, Hey, it’s okay. We’re fine. yeah. Wedding day will be great. honestly. And she was like so sweet and she was like, send me pictures of the dress and, all that.

 yeah, I don’t know.

Ivette Bracken: I just, she probably went home that day to liketell her family and then she probably said how great you were. And I can’t believe it. She hugged me at the I felt so bad. And, thank God she was a good bride, like a sweet person. yeah,

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

 she was great. I mean, I feel like there’s a few groomsmen in her wedding that went to her and Bridesmaids. ’cause I was like, go to her. She’s great. She’s local for some of us and yeah, she was awesome.

Serving Looks & Shaking Up Tradition

I am Katie. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress. I got started because I got engaged and I identify as somewhere in between, female and non-binary. It just depends on the moment. and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment,

Katie Kons:  but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really into wedding dresses and I got really into the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.

And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.

‘ cause to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, on Etsy that you had to order From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.

Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.

But I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. and so I started, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s how I got into it, is I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.

 they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. And so that’s how I started is I started in wedding fashion and now I do wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.

And then I also do personal styling the side, and I do some red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than the other two things. and yeah, I do a lot of things because I just take on things that I wanna do and I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.

Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I remember. was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.

Good. Because looked like kind of dresses. So it looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was flowy. Yes. I loved it. and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.

Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding. So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind are you looking for personally or do you look for brides or couples getting married, that come to you for that kind of unique look?

Katie Kons: Yeah. So the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, actually tailors their services to the queer community.

And I think that’s important, especially in this time, day and age, when queer people are just being targeted left and right, to take a step back, I think the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but the comfort of pants,

 Like you just described, a jumpsuit is gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want but you get the, the prettiness of make a dress, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s I want the grandeur of that.

Christa Innis:  but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.

Yeah. Because

Katie Kons: they feel secure in pants.

Christa Innis: Yeah. love, and I think

Katie Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.

Yeah. But suits are just out of the fucking question for a lot of people,

yes. Especially ’cause the options for suits or Traditional man suits, which are like, fucking boxy as shit. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to corporate events.

And then there’s the other accessible suits you find out fast fashion places, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality shit that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.

And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.

Christa Innis: this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?

Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.

Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.

Christa Innis: That sounds and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to control the wedding because I see the make room like you had to, who said

Lisa P: you had to.

Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for a little while.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.

Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, I had a feeling, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.

Lisa P: I had a

Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?

Lisa P:  Yes. I knew before they got married that she did not really want to start all over is like how she put it.

I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes

Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite happened to me. and I’ve talked about this before, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.

 she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.

Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.

If there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. no. If it’s not right so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.

Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s God, what a wait.

Not a lot of waste because a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. you don’t have to get married You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s it’s just not something that, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.

Don’t do it. a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it I totally agree with you what you just said about you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.

So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel So many people have their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.

I need to have a baby. you feel like you have to follow this timeline.

Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the moment. and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two by 30 and like I did, but. now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember if it were just like my then boyfriend, but husband and I,doing our own thing.we’d be like totally fine and then someone would bring up oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?

And it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like.Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that wrong? And you start getting this no, because half

Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so Yeah.

Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. and like

Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. unhappily married for so long without actually admitting I actually hate this.

Oh, they wrong

Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.

Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: they usually choose better.

Mm-hmm.They get to choose somebody that they truly just wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like,it’s been three years since college.

Like,I guess you’re the guy.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, I feel like it saddles us down. yeah. In a.

Christa Innis:  Yeah, that’s definitely another thing as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.

My husband and I since year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.

Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different financial point in my life and I and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ‘ cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.

But I just feel like it’s so important to listen to your own timeline. ‘ cause I have friends now that are like,

Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that we were sold.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like.The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. I try to show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to open the horizons up a little bit.

Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughtershe still very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. some people just really have that desire. but she still is like,maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.

And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you both.

Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that.

Yeah.

Rebecca Rogers: going back to what you said early at the beginning, like COVID in general I think changed how I view everything, whether it be myself, whether it be, the world people, because in reality, like I’ve always been an extrovert, but I used to be much more reserved and self-conscious and social media, the classroom was really where I could be silly and be myself and just, whatever.

And then when social media accidentally took off, I learned, oh, I can be myself. And people don’t hate it. That’s cool. And that’s where I found my voice, not just with myself, but with people also. being able to step into my true skin really helped me. I. Advocate for myself, set boundaries, all be more picky about who I allowed in my life and not.

 and of course we’re all works in progress. We all have ways to go. I’m still a people pleaser. I’m still a doormat, but I’m definitely not as bad as I used to be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know, I totally agree with you. Yeah. The people pleaser the thing where I’m better at saying no. Now if something, if I like don’t have time or I just can’t do it, I still have that guilt though.

I’ll be like, are they gonna think I’m a bad person or a bad friend? And then my husband will be like, no, They literallys not a second thought. it’s okay. yeah, it’s interesting how you’re ingrained in that. But I always call myself a recovering people pleaser.

‘ cause I’m like, I’m actively working against it and telling myself exactly. But I think my like immediate filter is better at reading people now. I had a thing happen where, someone that I had met years ago, and I wanna be very vague.

Someone I had met years ago, and the time that I met her, she was not very friendly or kind. Okay. Okay. But since she had seen videos of mine on TikTok and when she bumped into me immediately asking how I could help her and was like, oh, my thing like over here and asking me all these questions, she’s I’ll send you a message on TikTok right now because I’d really like to know how I can do this.

I was at an appointment, I was somewhere and I was like, okay. And I came home and my husband, I was like, I have no intention of messaging her back. Because I could tell it was for all the wrong reasons. She Yeah, exactly. Just I felt like very used and like icky after it.

And she’s yes. So loudly so people could hear and like being like asking about personal things and I was just like, I sorry. M’s. Not interested in that. I know people are gonna be like listening and being like, Christa’s all over the place today.

Rebecca Rogers: Longest episode ever. No, I love this ’cause I’m all over the place and so she’s really just mirroring me.

It’s my fault guys. It’s fine. I

Christa Innis: love it. actually no, people have said I wish the episodes were longer, so it’s okay if it’s a little bit longer.

Oh,you brought the right guest. Yeah. Yeah. Me. we really could sit and just talk forever. We could. that’s my favorite thing. Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead. go ahead. No, you’re good. I was just gonna say, I barely, other than my husband and my daughter, and then if we randomly go do things, like they are who I see, like I work from home, so if I have a call, I see someone. So that’s why I’m like, the podcast is a great way to chat with people.

Rebecca Rogers: ’cause I’m like, yeah, it really is this job. People don’t realize how isolating this job really is. ’cause in reality, we’re like sitting at home alone, talking to ourselves and yeah, we post it for a lot of people, but we don’t have that human interaction. I always say, and I think I probably said this to you when we were together in Chicago, is that.

There’s so many different types of personalities that do well on social media. and when you find the people that have the similar one to yours, it’s like the most validating and wonderful feeling. And I’m like, I wanna talk to them all day long. It’s, and it’s it’s the best feeling because even in days or moments where you feel self-conscious, it’s like, But I found the people who get me and yeah, it’s beautiful and it feels good.

Christa Innis: It’s like the best feeling ever. Yeah. No, definitely. an industry and heart and hard to explain sometimes. For sure.

Rebecca Rogers: Yeah. Yeah.

Generational Reflections on Relationships

Paige Connell: I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t hate men.

I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and. I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that. Like I actually am a person on the internet who says, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.

And so it’s worth trying to get them there. but most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And this mostly comes from men.

Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. but those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah. I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.

Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?

But I think are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the pushback or have to carry more of that mental load.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And.

one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.

’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, what did I see growing up?

What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.

So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer. For their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.

Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? the moms are there. we talk about that.

Christa Innis: yes,

Paige Connell: the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.

We, very different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. we would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm.so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. yeah,have to be hands-on with the toddler.

Likethere’s no other version of parenthood. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we

truly value.

Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.

Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.

Paige Connell: The best

Christa Innis: dad. She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by himself. I’m like. he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stayat home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you saw them for dinner time.

the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like,something’s shifting.

Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.

And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without pushback. Obviously, when you’re talking about deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good everyone. For sure.

Paige Connell: I agree.

Plot Twist: When Life Says ‘Let’s Add Drama’

Christa Innis: You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a marriage certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. she explicitly told them not to speak to me. this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, you’re just the mother of his child.

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

So the grandma was even keeping son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. But this is like the opposite way. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. so that’s what I have just context.

Kate Gray: I want context to that. But you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

 Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: or or she just learned from that. this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. you can’t make this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about being aware of okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ‘ cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that.