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Wedding Feuds, Toxic Family Drama, and The Invisible String with Sarah Wizeman

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

Ever wondered what happens when your wedding is full of chaos and family feuds?

This week on Here Comes The Drama, the wedding chaos reaches next-level insanity! Christa dives into a jaw-dropping story about no-kids wedding rules, a sister’s outrageous demands, and family drama that almost derailed the big day. Then, Christa and Sarah Wizeman break down the wildest wedding confessions from listeners, from toxic in-laws to surprise pregnancy announcements to overzealous sister-in-laws calling off weddings!

Plus, Sarah shares her incredible journey as an author, her book The Invisible String, and her plans for monthly romance and bridal story releases—complete with skits on TikTok and YouTube. This episode is packed with drama, laughs, and insider wedding chaos you won’t want to miss.

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Sister Drama & Guest List Battles – A no-kids rule sparks chaos when a bride’s sister insists her boyfriend’s daughter be included, leading to ultimatums, family arguments, and threats to skip the wedding entirely.
Family Feuds & Step-Family Tension – Mom favoritism and step-family dynamics collide, creating heated conflicts over invitations and long-lasting emotional fallout.
Long-Term Grudges & Wedding Fallout – Even small wedding decisions ripple for years—the bride and her sister barely speak, showing how family drama can outlast the celebration.
Family Drama & Healing – Sarah opens up about her own wedding, her dad’s no-contact stance, and finding peace with supportive loved ones.
The Invisible String Books – Discussion of Sarah’s two books, detailing connections, romance, and how her wedding experiences inspired storytelling.
Skits That Educate – How Sarah turns real-life wedding chaos into relatable skits that teach communication and reflection.
Wedding Proposal & Pregnancy Drama – Evaluating awkward and potentially disruptive moments at weddings, and how to handle them with grace.
Vendor Chaos Stories – Tales of photographers and other vendors nearly derailing weddings, and how couples navigated it.
Upcoming Projects & Skits – Sarah teases her monthly book releases, including a Hallmark-style Christmas tree farm story.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“People show their true colors in weddings—and it’s wild what comes out when the pressure’s on.” –Christa Innis
“Sometimes the drama reveals who really has your back—and who doesn’t.” –Christa Innis
“Watching chaos unfold in real life makes you rethink your own behavior too.” – Christa Innis
“I never knew mothers-in-law could try to cancel weddings… until I heard it firsthand.” – Christa Innis
“The right skit can turn drama into a lesson everyone remembers.” – Christa Innis
“By sharing my story, I realized I’m not alone—and neither is anyone else going through it.” – Sarah Wizeman
“Wedding drama forced me to be grateful for the people who really showed up for me.” – Sarah Wizeman
“Turning these moments into skits helps others reflect and even heal their own relationships.” – Sarah Wizeman
“Communication is always the best. I tried reaching out, even when it didn’t work, because it’s worth it.” – Sarah Wizeman
“Even without the perfect wedding, I found the perfect people around me who mattered most.” – Sarah Wizeman

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Sarah

Sarah Wizeman is the queen of TikTok wedding stories, from unhinged skits to “did-that-really-happen?” confessionals — and she is truly one of the most personable humans on the internet. She’s also an author (yes, a full-on romantic comedy writer!), and I’ve linked her books below because you’re absolutely going to want more of her after this episode. We had an absolute blast chatting, and she even shared her own jaw-dropping wedding drama that left me stunned — plus we dove into some wild listener submissions that took the chaos to a whole new level.

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Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

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Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and this is gonna be a short introduction because I’m starting to lose my voice. Um, it was a little raspy in the beginning, but I had so much fun talking with my guest today. Sarah Wizeman, she’s all of TikTok sharing different wedding stories, skits, and I just love chatting with her.

She’s so personable and she’s actually an author as well. She wrote a romantic comedy too, in fact. Um, so I have the links to those below, but we just had so much fun chatting and she shares her own wedding drama story that will have you completely shocked, um, in addition to our other wedding story submissions that we read.

So without further ado, please enjoy this very special episode with Sarah Wizeman.

Hi, Sarah.

Sarah Wizeman: Hi Christa.

Christa Innis: Thank you so much for coming on. I know we’ve been like chatting before recording, but I’m just so excited to finally meet you. I think I was telling you, so many people had tagged you in my comment saying, ‘you need to have Sarah Wizeman on the show. I love her stories.’ And so I thought, what better way to connect and have you on?

Sarah Wizeman: Oh my goodness. How exciting. I know I love you and your skits. Oh my gosh. And we are like, so f familiar or similar, with the wedding stuff, so I’m so honored to be on your podcast, so thank you for having me.

Christa Innis: Of course. No, I, love like watching skits and like, obviously like that’s how I kind of got into it too.

We were just talking about how we love telling stories and. Even before like making skits, like if I was telling someone a story, I was like such a detail person. Or maybe the details didn’t matter, but I’d be like, the sky was blue and that girl was wearing a pink shirt. And then like people would be like, okay, get to the point.

But like, it’s just part of storytelling. I feel like that’s how you are too.

Sarah Wizeman: Yep, exactly. I’m like every, and then there’s this detail, oh wait, I have to back up. And there’s more details that I forgot about. So let me do that real quick.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. So how did you start doing this like skit kind of content?

Like how did you start getting into it? What was your first skit, all that good stuff?

Sarah Wizeman: Well, I started off in TikTok, you know, with the TikTok dances and just having fun with that. I was trying to like, leave my job to be like, become a content creator and an author, ’cause I really loved to write and I’ve always loved to write.

And so, February, 2024, I published my first book, the Invisible Spring. and I was trying really hard to promote it and get it out there. It’s about like how my husband and I have always like, been intertwined with each other. So I was like, let’s try to get it out there.

I didn’t do schizo at first. At first, I was just kind of like reading passages from it and doing little bits here and there. And then I started to do a little bit of, Skits, quote unquote, like where I would just kind of like talk back and forth, not really get full on into the acting. And then one day I got kind of overwhelmed with everything and I was also planning my wedding

I decided, to have a child-free wedding. And, we had someone, like talk to us about how they went to a child-free wedding and they said that they had a wonderful time, but she said that, the bride at that wedding was getting a lot of complaints, from people because they were like, I wanna bring my children.

And so I was like. It would be really fun to just like, let loose and do a skit about this. So I did a skit about a child free wedding, and then it like just took off like the drama of it. Like one lady’s like, ‘I’m gonna bring my children anyway.’ Like I threw that in there and then that one just took off and I’m like, okay.

And then I started to do ones with like bridesmaids and like a couple going on their honeymoon and just like big plot twists, like where it was just like, what just happened? And then it just took off from there. And I’ve been doing skits ever since.

Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s like the skit content is so interesting because like it allows people to like see it from an outside perspective.

And at first I was like, when I did it, I was like, am I creating like more I dunno, anger or whatever. But then like, I’ve gotten so many messages from people being like, no, you’ve helped me like address the situation or you’ve helped me learn how to talk to my mother-in-law. And I’m like, oh, okay.

I’m glad it’s doing something. But it’s interesting that you say that your first one was about a child free wedding. ’cause I think mine was too, it’s such a controversial topic.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes.

Christa Innis: And I’ve never like understood why people get so up in arms about it, even as a mom of a toddler Now, if my husband and I were get, were to get an invite, I would not be offended.

And if they were like child free, I’d be like, I girl, I get it. It’s fine. I know you don’t want my toddler running around grabbing everything. Things are breakable. I understand. Yes. So I don’t get where people get offended by it.

Sarah Wizeman: I agree. It was more for, like, for me, the reason why I chose a child free wedding was just like the safety of it.

Like we were an outside wedding. There was gonna be like an open bar there too. And I didn’t want like the kids to, get into any trouble per se, I guess. Mm-hmm. and I also wanted, like, my friends always kept saying like, I just need a night off. I just like, would love to just drop my kids off at grandma’s and just go party with you.

And then I was like, is if that’s really what you want.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: I’m that’s exactly what I’ll do.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that’s the thing too. It’s like knowing your friends and family, like who you’re inviting. Because that was the same for me. Like, I was one of the last ones to have kids out of my friend group.

They all had kids and they I knew they were the kinds that were like, no, we’re getting a babysitter, we’re gonna have grandma and grandpa watch them or whatever that was. that’s how like all of our friends and family did weddings. Like Yeah. We had like immediate. Like nieces and nephews at the wedding or you had like immediate cousins kids at the wedding.

But most weddings I’d been to, it wasn’t just a free for all, like huge families. And that’s, I dunno, here and there maybe, but like for the most part I didn’t see that. So I just was like, for us, we did like nieces and nephews only and so we have seven at the time. I’m trying to think. Yeah, seven nieces and nephews.

And so I invited all of them ‘ cause they were like a part of the wedding and then I left it up to the parents. Like my sister didn’t bring her twins ’cause she was like, it’s just they won’t have fun. They’ll be fine out. But I left it up to, the parents. But other than that I was like, yeah, we’re gonna do 21 and older.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I think that is like becoming more of a trend lately to do it that way. And also I’ve seen where like the kids are there for the ceremony and then they go home or they, the couple like, has like a babysitter watch them during the reception part of it too. So I see, I see that happening more frequently as well.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that idea. I’ve been hearing that more and more about like, venues that have like another room where you can get like a babysitter and put like toys and stuff. Mm-hmm. I think if I knew, um, like, like friends of mine or something, were having a hard time with a babysitter, I think I would, I’ve tried something like that, or if my venue could have done that.

Mm-hmm. But again, it was like, I feel like it’s also like how you, I don’t know how you handled the situation too, because I think a lot of it, and I’m, I’m sure like the skit you did too, it’s like the entitlement of like, well I’m gonna bring my kids anyway ’cause it’s wild. I personally didn’t have to deal with that, but those stories happen all the time where people are like, I don’t care if it says no kids.

This is my child. I’m bringing them. And like, I’d be mortified to bring my child where she doesn’t belong necessarily. Right?

Sarah Wizeman: You are absolutely right. It’s not, it’s not the actual like, no kids’ rule. It’s the entitlement. It’s like these people that think that they can just do whatever they want and not,

Christa Innis: oh, I think I’m losing you.

Sarah Wizeman: You can bring your child if it’s, if it’s, if it’s really that

Christa Innis: important to you. I think I lost you for a second. Oh, I don’t know if it’s my internet. Let me check. It says my Internet’s unstable. I don’t know. Okay. Oh, it seems okay now. It again. I can switch like my hotspot or something. Okay. It’s like written weird, but anyway.

Um, okay, so we were talking about, um, yeah, it’s more of the entitlement, right?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. So it’s more of the entitlement. Like if you were to message me and say like, Hey, I really need to bring my infant, like, or I really need to bring my child, um, or else I won’t be able to come, I would probably be that person to be like, okay, like I understand like you have these needs, but like people who just are like.

I’m just gonna show up with my child because I don’t care. I’m gonna do what I want. That’s like, that’s off. I, uh, that bugs me. That grinds my gears.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like it goes both ways too because, um, I’ve heard of also stories where like, let’s say the bride and groom says child free wedding, and then someone in the wedding or a guest says, well, I can’t make it then, but best wishes.

Like, they’re so respectful about it. And then the bride and groom get mad and I’m like, you can’t get mad if someone can’t still get a babysitter. So that’s also the entitlement of the bride and groom feeling like the world should just, should stop for their wedding day. And it’s like if you can’t get a babysitter and they politely decline, still send a gift or you know, whatever, you need to accept that and that’s gonna be okay.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. Like you said, I see it on both sides and the bride and groom have to realize that everybody else has lies. Their wedding isn’t like the center of everyone’s attention,

Christa Innis: so. Yeah, I know. Um, so what do you think like. So you said that kind of blew up that first skit? Yes. So then do you get people sending you in stories or do you kind of just think of things you’ve seen or what kind of has mostly inspired the stories you do?

Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I do get people who do try to message me stories. Um, I’ve done a couple of those, but I don’t do them often. Um, just because, um, just because like I feel like I would really have to like hop on a phone call with them sometimes and like really get like the actual details. ’cause I’m like, I did that one, I did the first one that was sent in to me.

And I’m like, but she didn’t tell me exactly how this happened. How do I interpret this? I hope I don’t interpret it wrong kind of thing.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Um, so I, so I’ve done that a couple times, but mostly it’s just me, like having inspiration from like, what people have said to me. Um, sometimes I go on Reddit and get ideas from Reddit.

Like I, I’ll take like a Reddit thread. And, um, they’ll, they’ll say like, what happened? And then I’m like, wow, that’s crazy. But like, what could make this even more crazier? Like, what could be even a bigger plot twist than that? So I’ll take like, inspiration from those types of things.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. It’s funny you say that about like, when people send you in stories. I, there was a wild story one time, I’m trying to think which one it was. I think it was the one where either it was like a surprise wedding for the bride, like the groom and the bride’s mom planned the wedding. Yeah. And she was like, it was like scary, like, honestly, like how weird it went. But all these people are commenting like, there’s no way this happened.

This couldn’t have happened. And someone literally commented like, do you fact check this? And I’m like, what do you want me, how do you want me to fact check? Do you want me to call all their family members? And I was like, I was like, you can take everything I feel like on the internet with a grain of assault.

Right? So like, I get a, I get a story sent to me and I always say. Like, either I come up with it myself or it’s inspired by a story. Mm-hmm. And I’m like, I’ll just take parts of it and I mix it all up. You know, I put it in a B blender and I mix it. ’cause I’m like, I only get part of the story. And even if I get a really detailed story, I’m only getting it for one perspective.

Um, yes. As I don’t agree with the person that send it to me either, which is really awkward.

Sarah Wizeman: That that’s, that’s very awkward.

Christa Innis: I know what you mean though, because I’m like, yeah, because a, a couple of podcast episodes actually, um, we’ll see when we get to ours, but I’ve read the story with the person and we’re both like, oh no, this, this person’s like in the wrong.

Sarah Wizeman: Oh no. Yeah.

Christa Innis: And then you have to kind of figure out how to like, twist it and show like both sides and Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, no, I, yep. That’s kind of also one of the reasons why I don’t do a lot of people who send me stories, um, is because like if I do end up changing it and like it offends them because I don’t agree with it, then I don’t even wanna get into like that or like, you know, like offending them in any way I guess.

So yeah, I was just.

Christa Innis: This is unbiased. I’m just taking what I can see. Yes, exactly. Like around like if a bride sent it to me, I might make it from the groom’s perspective and mix. Oh yeah.

Stepmother Sabotage, Wedding Day Chaos, and Family Loyalty

Um, okay. Do you have any wild stories of your own? Like either something you’ve seen or heard or something that maybe you’ve made into a skit? I don’t know, but yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Um, yes, I have my own story that is based on my own wedding. Um. And it’s a little bit of a long one, but basically, um, what happened was my dad didn’t show up to my wedding. Okay. Yeah. So, um, we’ll go back to when I got engaged. Um, so, um, I got engaged in August of 2023, and then right after that my father announced to us that he, um, uh, was diagnosed with cancer.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Sarah Wizeman: And, um, at that point, uh, he announced that in October, I’m, I think it was so August? Yeah, it was a co it was like a month after month and a half after. So in October he announced by this time, um, I had been with my fiance for a long period of time before that, so we kind of already had like what we wanted to do with a wedding.

So our plan was to go on a destination wedding, like a cruise wedding to Bermuda. Like, we had our heart set on it. All of our friends were on board. Um, and so we sent out the invitations. He got diagnosed. Um, he was, he was still excited about it. Um, he was a little nervous ’cause he doesn’t like to travel very much, but he was still excited.

Uh, one day I get to the, um, to their house and, um, we previously had a cruise plan, but we had to cancel it because my dad’s job and, um, my stepmom, uh, we’ll call her El, um, she commented to me, she’s like, oh, you’re going to Bermuda for your wedding. I really wish we could go back to Alaska. Um, like the other cruise was planned for. And I was like, oh, um, yeah, but this is what, uh, Bernard, uh, my fiance, well now my husband and I really want. And, um, and then that was just, I like, kept that in my mind. I’m like, oh, that’s weird.

A couple months go by. We needed to finalize the bookings for the cruise. And all of a sudden my dad calls me up and says that he’s not going to be able to make it to the wedding.

And I’m like, I need my dad there for my wedding. I need my father to walk me down the aisle. Yeah. And um, so my husband or my fiance at the time, husband now, I’ll just call him my husband from now on out. Yeah. But, um, he and I decided we were gonna cancel the cruise and we were gonna do an at-home wedding and we were gonna use the cruise as like our, um, honeymoon.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So when your dad first said, I’m not gonna the wedding, what was his reasoning? Was it ’cause of the cancer? Was this like he just didn’t wanna trouble or what?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, at first he said like, you know, um, I, this cancer is taking a lot outta me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I can’t travel ’cause of my immune system. That’s why I was like, we need to cancel it. It’s not my dad’s fault that he can’t make it. You know, I, I want my dad there. Mm-hmm. And so, um, we canceled it and we began planning, um, back home.

Uh, fast forward to like, a couple months before my wedding, so this was May of 2024. And my stepmom, my dad and I and my sister were out for ice cream to celebrate my birthday. And she, my stepmother stands up and is like, I have an announcement to make, or we have an announcement to make and we’re like, oh, what’s going on? We’re going on a cruise.

Christa Innis: Stop it.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I’m my sister. Immediately, sna like, breaks her neck, looks at me and is like. What, like, like looking at me to make sure I’m okay.

I held my composure and I just like nodded and I was like, oh, hmm. And like they explained what the cruise was about. My dad was like looking down the entire time like he knew not even like, wanting to talk. Yeah.

Christa Innis: He knew she must stop.

Sarah Wizeman: So I just like that really hurt. I let it go.

Christa Innis: Other things started. Sorry to cut in, do you?

No, that’s okay. Think, um, when she made that like kind of snide comment about I wish we were gonna Alaska, they went home that night and she’s like, I can’t believe they’re going on a cruise. We need to go on our cruise first. Or like, made some kind of comment.

Sarah Wizeman: Um, she probably could have, I’m not gonna say like, I definitely think she did that or what, but she is the type of person, she’s the type of person to do that, unfortunately. Which it’s really sad, but Yes. Went along. So, yeah, my dad does not have a backbone around her at all. Like, oh, and when he and her got married, uh, there was some issues way back then. There was some issues with us too. We like, kind of fell, fell, fell back, um, because he married her so fast, like within two months of knowing each other.

Oh, wow.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That’s a whole another story.

Oh, girl. Wow.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah. So, um, there were some issues with that. And so, um, like during that time, I was young at that time I was in my early twenties. Maybe I was even 19 at the time, but I was like, I’m not gonna deal with this. And I moved out and, um. Over the years, we got our relationship back and going again.

And, um, I started to have more of a better relationship with Elle, my stepmom and feeling that, um, and then it came to my wedding and then this stuff started happening. And so yes, it does make me question whether or not she would, she would do something like that. She is very capable of doing that.

Christa Innis: And when was their crew supposed to be scheduled?

Sarah Wizeman: like, yeah, like later. Like around the same time or like a little bit later than our maybe. Oh, ours was in, uh, like late September, early October. I wanna say it was like around then or like November. Okay. So it was around the same time.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Did you take everything in you in that moment to not say something?

Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah. And I’m like. I like, couldn’t process it at that time. Like when she told me. ’cause I’m like thinking like, what’s the next, like what’s the, um, like what’s the big announcement? Because she just before that said that she had like a little announcement and she said that she got a new job when we were at the ice cream place.

And then, um, it was actually, um, at that time where my sister said something like, oh, hey Sarah, just, um, like her skits are doing really great on TikTok. She has like 50,000 followers. And like my dad was like, what? Like, that’s crazy. And then that’s when she was like, I have an announcement to make. And she like, cut in.

And so

Christa Innis: You have your moment?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like she’s the type of person that just needs like the attention on her all the time. It’s, it’s very frustrating. Um, like to skip forward a little bit. Like other things started happening after that. Like my dad was retiring from his job. They hosted like a surprise retirement party.

He got wind that I was gonna be there, and that caused a huge, a huge argument because he’s like, L wasn’t invited and you are, do you know how that would make it look? I’m like, dad, I’m your biological daughter. And like, I’m like, and it was a retirement party. He and uninvited me from his retirement party. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: So is he hosting it or is it his work hosting it?

Sarah Wizeman: It’s at his work. So he was like, um, he like worked for, um, like a big highway department. Um, like, you know, they paved roads and stuff and so they always like threw retirement parties there and they invited the family. And, um, we found out later what actually happened.

We found out that, um, Elle was invited, but she didn’t wanna go because she had, um, my, with my dad’s secretary, um, she worked with her previously and, um, they did not get along, so, oh, I wonder why.

Christa Innis: Yeah,

Sarah Wizeman: So she didn’t wanna go.She was mad.

Christa Innis: So she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t invited, didn’t want to go.

And because of that, they didn’t want you guys going either.

Sarah Wizeman: Right. My dad was like, I can’t let you go because it’ll look bad. And I’m like, how is it gonna look bad? I’m not like another woman. I’m your daughter. Like, you know, like, I’m not the other woman or something like that. I’m your daughter. So, yeah, so, so this all happened, so that happened a month, uh, almost two months before my wedding.

And so I. I’m like, you know, like I always usually let things side, but that really hurt. So me and him had a talk. I called him up two days after that happened and I was like, now that you’ve had time to process everything, like what you did was wrong, that was wrong. I told him like how I felt and then that’s when I brought up like wedding stuff.

Like she’s acting this way, dad, is she not gonna let you take pictures with me? Because she’s not in them like, what’s gonna happen at the wedding? I started to bring that up and he’s like, it should be fine, and all this other stuff. I’m like, it should be fine. No, it’s going to be fine, because nothing is maliciously like happening here.

I don’t have malicious intent. I’m not trying to cut her out. Meanwhile, I invited all of her friends to come to the wedding because she is so like, jealous of my mom. And by the way, my mom is, um, has dementia and doesn’t even like know what day it is. Like, so she’s, she, her personality is there, but like she doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand like really like what is going on.

So she would never try to make anybody feel uncomfortable. Yeah. She just like cracks jokes and stuff ’cause you know, of the dementia. So, but my, but my stepmom still has, um, a lot of like, jealousy towards, um, towards my mother and other people.

Christa Innis: Wow.

Sarah Wizeman: So like, that’s why I got into it with him. ’cause I was like, if this is gonna happen at my wedding, like we need to like nip this in the bud right away.

Yeah. So, he, so we, we were good. Like my, my rest of my family, his own brothers were like, I can’t believe he uninvited you. Like, this is crazy. Um, so fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. Um, I hadn’t really heard much from Elle or my dad, um, before then. I did text Elle like a couple weeks before the wedding asking her what song she wanted to like walk out to.

And um, she like, you’re gonna never walk down in part of the ceremony or like, um, like, um, in the reception when they’re like, and the father of the bride and the stepmother, like, I asked, I wanted to include her. I wanted her to like, um, pick the song and like, I wanted her to be included in that process.

So, um, she picked her song and then fast forward to the rehearsal, um, I’m setting up. Everything’s, everything’s like chaotic. My dad and El get there. I asked him to bring the generator like a couple days before and, um, I, I forgot this part, but on the phone when I asked him that, he like, forgot that my wedding was that weekend.

Christa Innis: Yeah, like for what?

Sarah Wizeman: Uh, like I was like, can I borrow the generator? Um, because I need it to power. Um, I think it was like the DJ booth or something. And, uh, he was like, oh yeah, I’m not, I’m not busy this weekend. I can get it over to you. And I’m like, of course you’re not busy this weekend. It’s my wedding.

He’s like, oh, oh yeah. And I’m like, okay. That was weird. Um, so that happened. Then the rehearsal, he comes in with the generator with Elle. I’m like, hi dad. Hi Elle. They like, are stone cold, like don’t even move a muscle in their face. And they’re just like this the whole time.

Christa Innis: Okay.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Like just mad, just like something, I don’t know.

At that point I didn’t know. And so I’m like, oh, thank you for bringing the generator. Um, can you put it over there? And then they walked away and then like people could tell that what happened. And so they came up to me and they’re like, are you okay? Like, what just happened there? And I’m like, I don’t know.

I don’t have time to deal with that right now. I have so many things to set up. So, um, I, I set up stuff. Um, things are, um, like we eat and then we decide to do the actual rehearsal. ’cause we, we rented like a property from our friends, like overlooking a lake. So like, we just had our own timeline. So we just like set up a tent.

We had like dinner and then we did like whatever the rehearsal. So we’re getting ready to go, like walk down the aisle and practice all of that. And, um, I’m like ready to start walking down the aisle and then all of a sudden I’m like looking and my dad’s like nowhere to be found. And then I like turn and look and he’s way back there, like across like the tent. He’s just sitting with Elle by themselves. And I’m like, are you gonna walk me down the aisle? And he like, was like, yeah, yeah. And he like runs up, walks me down the aisle and then we practice it again. Um, he’s like very hesitant to come stand next to me. And when I asked him to stand like near like the rest of the bridal party, my mom was there as well.

He like said no and like ran back down the other end of the aisle to stand next to Elle.

Christa Innis: So like he’s scared of being like within six inches of your mom?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. So, um, so it sounds like him and Ella been married for a while or together for a while now at this point. Yeah. So it’s not like, it’s like some new like fling and your mom and him, like just, you know, like, why can’t you just be like adults?

Sarah Wizeman: Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah. No, they were married for, at this point, 12 years. So they had, yeah, plenty of, I don’t know, plenty of time together. Yeah. I’m just, yeah, it just, every time I, like, every time I tell this story, I’m just like, yeah, I know. I’m like, yeah, I know. It’s cool. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Um, but um, so that happens.

I finally like, um, we wrap it up. And, um, I’m just like overwhelmed by like, what’s going on? I’m like, I don’t feel good about this. Like, I don’t feel good. My dad, like the photographer was there ’cause she wanted to practice and she came up to me and she’s like, just to let you know, you like, you need to work on your smile, like to walk down the aisle.

’cause look at these photos, you look miserable. And my dad’s in the photo and he’s like, like, so like not enjoying his time. And I’m like, oh my gosh, you’re so right. Um, so I start packing things up, um, l and my dad LB lines it to the car. My dad comes up to me and he’s like, ‘when is l supposed to be walking down the aisle?’

And I’m like, uh, she’s not dad. We just practiced it. If she was walking down the aisle, we would’ve practiced her walking down the aisle.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: And he’s like. Oh, well, um, I thought she would be walking down the aisle or something to that effect. And before I could answer, my uncle, his own brother came up and my dad turned and saw him, and then he was like, well, anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.

And then he like, oh, before I did that, I gave him a gift. Like I was like, this is for Elle and this is for you. I just got like a little plaque for her that said thank you for being my stepmom. And for him I like had like a little t-shirt made that said Father of the bride, and I gave them, or I gave him the gift to give to her in the car.

And then my uncle comes up and then he walks away. And then…

Christa Innis: Say the same thing in front of his brother?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Weird.

Sarah Wizeman: And my uncle, whose name’s Matt, he came up to me and he’s like. Did I hear that correctly? And I was like, what? That L’s supposed to be walking down the aisle? And he’s like, yeah. And I was like, yep, you sure did.

And he’s like, that’s a bit ridiculous. And I’m like, I know. And then, um, and he’s like, you gave her a gift and she didn’t even come up to you and accept it herself? And I was like, yeah, I guess you’re right about that. Like, you know, I’m like, I’m, I’m like my mind’s a million times right now. Like everything I have to still do for the wedding, this happening.

Like all of like, what’s like going off, so.

Christa Innis: Okay. So, yeah. So what wedding do you go to where the stepmom, let alone, even like, the moms don’t typically walk down the aisle, so why get so up in arms, like offended by that?

Sarah Wizeman: That’s Yeah, I know. It’s, it, it was mind blowing to me. Like, I’m like, what? So, um, so yeah, so fast forward to that night.

We get back, we stayed at a, like a lake house to get ready. Um, so we spent the night there. Me and my bridesmaids, my bridesmaids all had like an intervention with me that night. They like, were like, Sarah, you need to stand up for yourself. Like, you need to stop just like letting things go. Tomorrow is your wedding day.

Do you wanna be miserable walking down the aisle? And I was like, no. And he’s, and they were all like, it’s so unacceptable the way your dad and Al treated you tonight. Like, um, like, it’s not you. It’s them. Like, they were like trying to convince me that I wasn’t crazy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. So, um, we made the decision together to not have my dad walk me down the aisle and I was gonna have my Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.

Okay. Um, and my uncle Matt has been there for me. Like, he’s like my dad. Like he, my, I wish my dad was like Uncle Matt. Mm-hmm. He doesn’t have any kids of his own. And him and I have like this bond that has just been like so strong since I was born. And so he’s like the ones that, he was the one when like, my dad wouldn’t be able to show up to my sporting events.

Like, he was always there. Um, I owned a food truck for like five years and he showed up to every single food truck event that I did. Um, so he was, he’s really like, you know, the best person ever. Yeah. And we almost lost him to COVID a couple years before and I didn’t think that he was gonna make it. And so I was like.

You know what? He’s here, he is like a miracle. And you know what? I’m gonna have him walk me down the aisle because I think that’s like what, like what is like, like what God is telling me to do at this point. Like mm-hmm. I think this is like what fate is, like this is fate. Mm-hmm. So the next morning, um, we have to go and quickly set up like the little place cards and stuff.

And my bridesmaid, um, her name in my book about this is Taylor, but she’s my best friend and she, her name’s Amanda. She, um, I. She absolutely was like, I will talk to, or I will send a text message to your dad so you don’t have to worry about it. Whoa. Yeah. So she writes, she writes up a text message, um, and then she’s like, does this sound good?

And I was like, yeah. So she basically said like, Hey, she pretended to be me in the text message. She was like, Hey, um, I just wanna let you know I love you, dad. This is like nothing personal against you. I love you so much. But, um, unfortunately with everything that happened yesterday, I’ve decided to, um, make the decision to have Uncle Matt walk me down the aisle.

Um, I just, I forget what exactly else was in that note or in that message, but basically it was like, I love you and, um, I still want you there, and, uh, I just am doing this so that I can have a great day tomorrow. So she crafts up that message and we send it to together. And then I’m in the chair getting my hair done and my dad calls me and he is calling me.

Or he, he, he or I say hello. And he’s like, what do you mean? And I’m like, yeah, dad. I just, what happened yesterday? Like I can’t, I can’t be in that same mindset for my wedding. This is supposed to be the best day of my life. And that definitely didn’t feel like it yesterday. And so he just went off. He was like, well, the reason that I was me and Elle were like that yesterday is because we found out that you and your sister hate Elle.

And I was like, what? What? And then lo and behold, um, her biological daughter, Elle’s biological daughter, who was my stepsister, um, she. Got into, um, an argument with Elle and she told Elle that she’s self-centered, always has to have the attention on her. She like, basically like called her out on everything and then said, everybody wants your toxic behavior to change, including Sarah and Katie, who’s my sister, my biological sister.

And so they heard that and they like took it to the next level and said like, oh, you hate, like, you guys hate.

Christa Innis: That’s so well ’cause it’s like if someone, if someone heard that like out of nowhere mm-hmm. Don’t you think they’d be like, be like, I need to talk to them, or like, I need to like look forward or something.

Not like, be like, well we heard you hate her, so we’re just not gonna show up and we’re gonna glare at you the whole time. Like Right. It seems so like juvenile to me, right?

Sarah Wizeman: Yes. Yes. And, um, at, at that point. I, I realized when they said that, I’m like, that’s why the last couple of months have been weird. And also they have like barely reached out to me.

So I’m like, oh, okay. Um, so then the whole phone call is just him yelling at me and him like bringing up like everything from the past, like, just like saying like basically how much of a bad person I am. It was just, that was so, that was crazy. Wow. Yeah. And just like listening to my dad, like taking stories out of hindsight and then like reversing them and basically creating lies.

It was just, that was like sitting there on your wedding day, like listening to this. My like, bridesmaids were all in front of me with me on speaker phone talking to ’em and they were like, like that. Oh. And then, um, Elle gets on her phone,

Christa Innis: She probably has on her phone. She gets on the phone?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. She gets on the phone ’cause he’s like, I think you should talk to her. And then…

Christa Innis: On your wedding day?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, this is me. I’m getting my hair done. The poor hairstylist is in the back. Like, like trying to play, like trying to be cool. I like had to apologize to her a million times. I felt so bad. I’m like, oh my gosh. Um, and so Elle gets on the phone and she starts yelling at me and, and saying like, oh, I heard what I heard.

And then I’m like, okay, uh, it’s not true. Like, I’ve never said that I hated you. You and I both know we’ve had our difficulties in the past, meaning like when they first got married and I like moved out ’cause I couldn’t deal with it. Um, you know, and I, you and I both had our difficulties in the past, but I thought like, we like resolved that kind of thing.

And so, um, so yeah, I just, I kind of told her that and then she like went off on me some more and then my bridesmaid, Amanda came up. And was like, Sarah, you are not dealing with this anymore on your wedding day. And she grabs the phone from me and she goes in the other room and she says, you can hear her saying Elle, hello, Elle.

And Elle’s still talking like she can’t hear.

Christa Innis: So she’s just going off.

Sarah Wizeman: She’s just going off. Yeah. And she finally, you hear Amanda go up and then like silence. And then she’s like, Sarah’s gonna walk down the aisle with Matt. If you have a problem with it, then too bad you can show up or don’t show up. I don’t care.

And then like you hear Elle hang up and then Oh, and then you hear, you hear Amanda just like, that’s right bitch. And then she’s like, and she’s like, um, she’s so funny. She’s just like, yeah, and that’s what I thought or whatever. And then I’m sitting there like shaking. ’cause I’m like, what just happened?

And so, um, all of my sister’s crying. All of my bridesmaids are like, like, I’m like, so feeling so bad for my bridesmaids too. ’cause I’m like, they, they could probably come from normal families. Like, you know, they’ve never seen this, like in my mind at that time. I’m like, oh my gosh. So, um. He ended up not showing up.

He texted him and my, uh, husband Bernard are, were very close. Like, um, he, they would do stuff together all the time. And he texted Bernard before our wedding and said, Hey, I’m sorry I can’t make it. And Bernard thought it was a joke. So like, when we’re doing our first look, but.

Christa Innis: He doesn’t know what’s going on.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. He doesn’t know what’s going on. Oh my. And so Bernard is like, I got like, your dad is like really bad at dad jokes. Like, and I’m like, oh no, that’s not a joke. And then he was like, what? And I’m like, yeah. He’s not coming. He’s, he’s not coming. And, um, he didn’t show up. And, um, none of her, like friends, like I had a whole table not show up because all of, she like told all of her friends not to show up to the wedding.

Her friend, her best friend’s son was our dj. Um, and he showed up. But, but because he knows l and he came up to me and he is like, I’m really sorry what you went through. My mom told me what happened. And um, she told me a little, he, she’s, he’s like telling the story of way that she heard it, which was not accurate, but he’s like, I know that that wasn’t it.

’cause uh, he’s like, Elle did the same thing at my wedding. Like he was, he, he told me that like. He like, or she, um, I guess like yelled at his wife at the wedding or something. I don’t know. But like at the time I was like, what? Like, I’m like sitting there at dinner when the DJ comes up to me and I’m like, she did what?

So it kind of made me feel better though. ’cause I was like, oh my gosh, at least I’m not the only one, like who like know, like that sees her side like her true side. Because for a while, um, I would like my whole family, like my sister and my uncles and I were not separated, but like I would be on like my dad and Elle’s like side side.

I don’t wanna say like that, but like, basically I would go over there for holidays and then I would show up later to the rest of the family’s holiday. ’cause they didn’t have holidays together ’cause they didn’t get along. And so I’m, I’m like, was like the middle ground and like they were trying to tell me like all the things that like weren’t acceptable by my dad and Elle.

And then finally like, I was like, you know what? I see what they’re saying now. I see what’s going on. This is very toxic behavior. And after that I realized that like, that’s very narcissistic. I didn’t really know narcissist, like I’ve heard the term narcissist before and I’ve like seen like in like relationships, like where the guy is like a narcissist to the girl, like girlfriend.

But I’ve never seen it like parent, like parent wise. And I am like, oh, well, nope, you’re, that’s it. You know?

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the fact that she instantly made it like victim mode where like you said, you don’t like me, so you’re terrible. Not like. Not understanding that like maybe someone doesn’t like you because of how you treat them.

Yes. Like she can’t look inward to be like, how have I treated ’em? Yes. And then for your dad to just go along with it and just be like, well, she said so I’m just gonna go with her. It’s like, this is your daughter and your daughter’s wedding. Like

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. I know. And he, I am convinced, he’s like brainwashed, I guess is the best word for it.

Um. I mean, like he, my, my husband always says too, like, he’s the one that has to live with her every day. And unfortunately, he’s probably picking his battles. Like, is he gonna go against his wife that he has to deal with every day? Who knows like, what she’s capable of? Yeah. Or is he gonna like side with his daughter who like, doesn’t see him like that often, you know?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Sarah Wizeman: And so it’s really sad to say it like that, but he like had a point. I was like, yeah, that’s, that’s true. I guess, but not, yeah, it’s not either way. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It’s not great. It’s not okay either way. It’s right. I feel like it’s like, on the outside, it’s, it’s easier for, not easy, but like for us to look at it and be like, all right, I guess, you know, like that’s the situation, but, like if my, you know, partner was telling me, uh. That about my daughter or like, you know, I’d be like, excuse me. You know? Yeah. Like, um, yeah, I don’t know. I always, I always wonder about stories like that because I’m like, I’m like, it breaks my heart when you, when they like get, like you said, brainwashed by someone and it’s like, what does she have that’s so great that like, you can’t see like everybody else in front of you saying she’s the, she’s the problem over here.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exactly. I, I really don’t know what it is other than the fact that like, when they first got together, like when my dad and her first got together, things were a little rough because like, my dad was actually in the middle of dating someone who had cancer and like, he didn’t want to like, she was like stage four and like he, like, he didn’t want to like.

I guess he was like a coward in that way. Like he didn’t wanna break it off with her. It’s like there’s so many, like there’s so many little stories to that that’s like a whole nother like hour. But basically like, I guess Elle had trust issues coming into that relationship because they got married so fast and she didn’t realize like everything that was going on.

And so like what I think is happening is that like he married her legally and like realized how like kind of crazy she is. And um, possibly like is scared that like she’ll take everything from him if he like divorces her and stuff like that. I’ve like thought about that. Like me and my uncles talk about like things like that, but I don’t know. I really, I don’t know why my dad, why my dad is like that at all.

Healing, Family Drama, and Finding Connection Through Storytelling

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I guess we never really fully know or always know the full story, but Yeah. Wow. So that kind of inspired your first book or not inspired, that’s partially in your book, “invisible string?”

Sarah Wizeman: So I have two, so there’s two parts to it.

So this one that I showed earlier is my first book. This is the one like about like how my husband and I met each other and how like we’ve always been connected since we were little and we didn’t know it. Um, so this is more of like a feel good book. The second book I don’t have in here, but um, it’s the invisible string too, and that’s where like all the drama happens with my wedding.

So and this book and this book, I start, um, it’s like my journal entries and I start talking about wedding planning in this book and then it carries on to the second book where my actual wedding happens. And it’s like all the drama from that. So you can see like into my mind, my journal entries are in there of like when it happened and um, yeah.

And unfortunately my dad still hasn’t. Talk to like any of us. Like he cut off contact with me. My sister, um, my uncles, he cut off like everybody. And I’ve wrote him letters. I’ve, I’ve done a lot of healing. I’ve like debated the no contact thing for a while. And then, um, and then I, uh, decided, you know what?

I, I think talking is always the best. Communication’s, always the best communication is key. We wouldn’t be here, we wouldn’t be in this predicament if they just communicated with me and asked me like, did you say that? Or like, whatever.

Christa Innis: Right?

Sarah Wizeman: So I was like, you know what, I’m gonna do that. She wrote a letter, didn’t hear back, have called him, hasn’t haven’t heard back.

And so, yeah, I’m just like kind of on my own healing journey. I’ve been, I’ve been really in my healing journey this past year, but now it’s like getting to the point where it’s like, all right, you know. I’m, I’m good. I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m good now. Like I am, you know what, I’m no contact from his side, I guess. And, you know, it’s, he, it’s his loss at this point.

Christa Innis: You know?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: So true. And it’s like, and it sounds like at least you have, um, like your son, like your uncle Matt and your sister and you know, and you, people around you that support you and love you and, and not saying any of that’s gonna fill a void or whatever, but I’m sure it’s like helping with the peace of like, okay, I have Uncle Matt who’s been a father figure my whole life.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it really is your, your dad’s loss because that’s just, it’s disappointing on so many levels that someone can be brainwashed so easily and forget their family like that.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah. And what is really like a positive experience out of this is that by sharing my story, and I did a whole skit on my book, I turned both of my books into skits, like long form skits.

Um. What’s really positive about it is like how many other people who like, have gone through the same thing and they are like, you really, you know, made light of something that I didn’t even know that was like, that was like an option that I could like do. Or, you know, like they didn’t feel alone. I keep getting messages like that.

I don’t feel alone in this. Like, I thought I was going crazy, but I’m not the only one. And it’s really nice to hear those messages that, you know, like my books have helped people and, and like they can relate to them. ’cause it makes me feel less alone too. Like, oh my gosh, I’m not the only one that goes through like tr like this traumatic stuff.

Like, especially during we, uh, like a wedding, you know, it’s, yeah. You know, it’s like, like I was like, the wedding for me was like such a big deal. Like I was so excited to plan my wedding and then like all of this happened and I, it was just like, it was like, okay, it was like kind of a wake up call for me.

’cause I was like, maybe I put too much like, um, what’s the word? Like expectations? Yeah. Yeah. On like, my wedding and like maybe that like, it allowed me to be grateful to be in like, the present moment and to really value like my actual friendships and the relationships that I did have. Like my, my bridesmaids who came to bat for me.

They were all there for me. Like, I may not have had a dad walk me down the aisle, but I had my uncle Matt and my girl show up for me. And that like, really like made me realize how grateful, um, I should be like for all of them and how thankful I am for all of them.

Christa Innis: Yeah. It’s like, I feel like we hear a lot of times like in these big events that, you know.

People show their true colors, right? And so, like, people that are jealous of you or people that have animosity towards you, it will show in these toxic, in these like 10 high tension moments, right? Mm-hmm. And so with them, yeah, it showed, it really showed, and they could not handle it. Mm-hmm. But everyone else, we don’t talk about enough about like, or it shows that it lifts people up and it shows like the positive people in your, and influences your life as well.

So I feel like, um, that’s something we were saying too before recording, is I feel like these stories allow people to connect and also like learn from them or mm-hmm. Um, see it from a different perspective. Like maybe, maybe the dad, a dad. And another story is watching your story and being like, oh my gosh, I was an idiot.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’m gonna go talk to my daughter. You know? So I, I was too, because I’ve had moms message me like, um, like mom’s, I should say. Like, that would be like my, my parents’ age. Um, grandmother’s. They’ll message me and they’ll be like, when I first saw your content, like some of it, like, not offended them, but they’d be like, oh, it made me like think a little bit.

And they’re like, but I’ve learned so much about like how to like communicate with my adult children and how to do this differently and how when I’m overstepping. And so like, like I’ve got like a heartfelt message that was like, thank you for that. And I was like, I never even realized that. So you could think maybe I’m helping another woman in this situation.

Or maybe like someone else is watching, being like, oh my gosh, I’m, I’m not gonna be the toxic stepmother. I wanna be more encouraging. You know? So yes, there’s a lot that could come from it.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. That is so true. I actually never thought of it that way. Like I never thought about that part of like someone who is like maybe the toxic mother-in-law or the toxic father or the bridezilla, like watching our skits and being like.

I just did that and maybe I need to change, like you’re totally right and I hope that that does happen. I would love to, I would love to hear stories like that actually, like where they’re like, oh, I realized that this happened and it made me be a better person.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think so. Because I think it’s like, think about like when things happen in real life, you know, it’s so much more like nuanced, but you see something on tv.

Mm-hmm. And you’re like, oh my God, that’s outrageous. I would never do that. But then you like kind of like you can be like, oh, but you kinda like relate it to your own life. So I feel like if we’re able to like see it play out in a different way, we’re like, wait. Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Right. Yeah, I know. And I feel like.

I know like when you do your skits and when I do my skits, we like very, are like, we’re very much like with, very detailed with the dialogue and so like I feel I’ve gotten that comment before where people are like, oh my gosh, my mother-in-law or whoever has said like the same exact thing to me or something like that.

So it’s, it’s cool to like flip that around and being like, I wonder if people who are in those positions. Hear what we say in our skits and think I just said that exact same sentence, maybe I need to change kind of thing. So yeah, like, oh,

Christa Innis: I didn’t realize that was so toxic to say.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah,

Christa Innis: Yeah.

I think there’s a lot of learning that comes out of the skits, like, oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Oh yeah. I, I think so too. Thanks for sharing that. I know that was like, I’m sure that’s like a lot to like go through and retell, but I think that’s awesome. Yeah. Send me the links to your books too. We’ll talk about it after, but like, and we’ll, we’ll put the links to your books in the show notes.

Okay. Because I feel like, I feel like people, like listeners would love your book as well, because like, they love, like the, they love the romantic stories. They love like the drama. They love a good mix. So definitely share those with me. We’ll put them.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, absolutely.

Red Flags, Green Flags, and Wedding Chaos Decoded

Christa Innis: Um, okay, before we get to the submission.

Submission. This is the follower submission. Why am I saying that? Weird story submissions. Um, we’re do red flag, green flag. Are we, are you fine?

Sarah Wizeman: Oh, no, I’m good.

Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. Awesome. Um, okay, so this is Red flag versus green flag. Um, here we go. Okay. “The groom’s sister demands to be a bridesmaid even though she constantly argues with the maid of honor.”

Sarah Wizeman: Ooh. Yeah. I would say that’s a red flag for sure.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s it.

Sarah Wizeman: Um, but like we were saying earlier. It’s like, there’s always two sides to every story. And this is like the stuff that I take, um, and I’m like, let’s think about it from both perspectives.

Like at first you present a skit to be like, um, the, the sister of the groom demands like to be a bridesmaid because, but like argues with the maid of honor. But then you show like the maid of honor, you show like the other side of like, what’s really going on and like maybe the maid of honor is like doing some evil stuff or whatever.

Some like, like, um, like how I would flip it would be like. Um, the sisters’, uh, the groom sister is actually trying to save the wedding because the maid of honor is trying to like, sabotage ITT or, or something like that. Yes.

Christa Innis: It’s all about like how you word it for No, totally. Yeah. I’ve even had skits where people like, hate one, one character at first, and I see their comments.

I’m like, oh, just wait. Just wait. They’re gonna find out. And then I’ll like completely twist it and they’re like, wait, what? Oh my gosh. I thought I liked, you know, um, because I’m just like, you never know from, Look. Yes. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny.

Um, okay. “A bridesmaid insists on bringing her toddler to every pre-wedding event, even though the bride said ‘No kids.’”

Sarah Wizeman: Red flag.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like we said earlier, it’s like, if it’s like a one off thing, like, oh, I mm-hmm. Sit or canceled or whatever, I’d be like, yeah, that’s fine. Like my, I think my baby shower and bridal shower, I kids or whoever wanted to bring their kitchen to come of course, but mm-hmm. Yeah. Every wedding event, and they’re like, oh, can’t, they’re gonna, they’re just coming with me. It’s like, okay. Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Especially if it’s every, every time like, oh, like disregarding the bride’s feelings for everything. I’m just gonna bring them because I didn’t plan ahead, or whatever. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Exactly.

Christa Innis: The, um, “the maid of honor gives a 10 minute speech that turns into a story about her breakup and how she learned to love again.”

Sarah Wizeman: Oh, red flag. Oh gosh.

Christa Innis: Like no mattered way. What way You look at that, that’s a red flag.

Sarah Wizeman: 10 minute speech. Red flag. No, I’m just kidding. My sister actually gave like a 10 minute speech. It wasn’t that like that, it wasn’t like that. But she gave me, she gave a 10 minute speech that was like, um, talking about all of our like memories and stuff at the wedding.

I think she, she did that because like she added on more after like, the whole thing blew up. So she was like, let’s make this like a good vibe. Like remember all the good memories kind of thing.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, that’s good. That’s, you have to sometimes, like, you need someone like that that’s gonna like really like think on their feet and like flip their vibe completely.

Right. Um, yeah, I’ve, I’ve definitely heard of a few like situations like that.

Um, okay, last one. “The photographer rearranges the entire timeline because they know what works best for lighting.”

Sarah Wizeman: Oh. I would say red flag at first. Yeah. Yeah. Red flag probably. But yeah, red flag. ’cause they, I mean I, I’m thinking about like putting the time into like my timeline and I’m like, if anybody changed that, I would be so upset. So, yeah, red flag.

Christa Innis: See, I cares about the lighting. I have a weird, like, per perspective on this one is because, okay. My photographer did my timeline, so before the wedding, oh. Like I could finalize some stuff, but like, we did, like, my photographer was like amazing. I don’t even know if photographers did this, but we sat on the call for probably like two hours, an hour and a half, putting the whole timeline together.

And she’s like, okay, these photos, if your wedding’s at, I think it was like we had an early wedding, three 30 or four 30, I think four 30. She was like, then we should do photos here. Your couple’s photos here. If we want nighttime photos, they should be here. So like, we kind like planned around it. Oh, okay.

But, um, so yeah, I was like, so she. If she moved it, I’d be like, okay, you know? You know what you’re doing. Yeah. Okay.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yeah, see that would be the, yeah, that would be green flag that would like that whole thing. That’s like really awesome that your photographer did that. That’s amazing.

Christa Innis: I know. I don’t know if that’s, yeah, I don’t think that’s typical, but she was like, I always get together with my bride and groom like the week before and we just go over the full timeline and she like sent it to, she typed it as we were like talking and she sent the whole thing over to us, so then I just kinda like updated from my brides and bridesmaids and groom went and sent it out, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. That’s awesome. That’s really cool.

All right, let’s get to this week’s story submission. I’m a little raspy today, so bear with me.

Sarah Wizeman: Oh yeah, I understand. I don’t know. Where are you from Christa?

Christa Innis: I’m from Chicago Suburbs, but I live in Wisconsin now, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. Snow lots. Lots of snow. Yeah.

Yeah, so it’s just been like, we got what? I don’t even know. Like 10 inches maybe over the weekend. Oh, okay. So it was like, it was like a blizzard.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes. I live in upstate New York. Right. Like two hours from Canada, so, um, yeah, snow here too. So, and I woke up this morning, I was like, oh my gosh, I hope this clears up before the podcast.

Christa Innis: I know. Plus I feel like, I dunno if you feel the same way, like you’re just like, with filming and all that stuff, you’re just talking all the time. Mm-hmm. So there’s some days, like I’ve lost my voice more in the last couple years than I think I ever have. Mm-hmm. Because it’s just like recording podcasts.

I do YouTube and then skits. I’m just like, okay, I need to drink tea. Yeah. Yeah. So there’s always that desire. ’cause like, I’ll be like, okay, I’m not gonna do a skit today. Like, I need to take the day off and I’ll just post like for the podcast and then I’m like, oh, they really want the next part. I’m like, I don’t wanna let them down.

Okay. I’ll film the skit and then my husband will be like, rest your voice. I’m like, I gotta get it done. Yes. Like always back here. Like, do it, do it.

Sarah Wizeman: I can relate. Yep.

No Kids, No Compromise: When Wedding Entitlement Gets Real

Christa Innis: Anyway, um, okay, here we go. Love your videos. I’m happy to share my own crazy wedding story from 2021. Feel free to use it however you’d like.

“My husband and I were supposed to get married in 2020, but obviously the Global Pandemic had other plans. We ended up getting married at the courthouse that year and rescheduled our full wedding celebration for the following summer. Since we’d already made deposits and everything, we crossed our fingers that we’d actually be able to have it in July, 2021.

By April, we were still hoping, holding out that hope. The governor finally started reopening things, allowing events again, but only at half capacity. Venues could even be shut down if they went over. We had already planned for an intimate wedding. Our original venue capacity was 84, so they reduced the number to 42, which included us. That meant that we had 40 guest spots total, so we had to be strict about it. Originally, our guest list had 50 people, so we had to make some tough cuts. We did get to invite many friends, but it was mostly entirely family. It was almost entirely family. After days of pouring over the list, we finally narrowed it down.

While working on that list, I messaged my sister for contact. She lives outta state and had been dating a guy with a younger daughter for about six months. When we got engaged, she’d asked early on if he could come, and since that was pre-pandemic, I’d said, sure, no problem. Oh, here we go.

Sarah Wizeman: Yep. Here comes the drama.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Here comes the drama. Okay. When it co, when it came time to trim the list, I checked with her to see if he was still planning to come. I’d never even met him, but if she wanted to bring him, I would’ve kept his spot. It just would’ve been an easy cut otherwise. She said he was still coming and then asked if his daughter Violet could come too.

Ah, okay. We’d already decided on a no kids rule except for my husband’s niece and nephew. Funny how we were just talking about this.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes.

Christa Innis: Who were a part of the wedding party. So I told her Violet couldn’t come and suggested that Violet’s mom could keep her during the trip, my sister immediately freaked out saying, if Violet couldn’t come, she wouldn’t come either.

If your boyfriend’s daughter can’t come, the boyfriend that’s never met your sister, you’re not gonna come. That’s wild to me.

Sarah Wizeman: That that is crazy. Yeah. What, you’re not, all right, uh uh.

Christa Innis: And also to not like talking about communication. Not even being like, okay, you know what? Let me talk to him first and let’s see if the, if his ex-wife or whatever can watch the daughter.

Yes. Just immediately freaking out.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, immediately. Like not even like, like we were talking about communication,

Christa Innis: right? Like Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. It was something different where like she lived in state and she’d met this little girl many times and she’s like, okay, she’s kind of like a niece. Let’s have her too.

But like, she’s never met her. Right. So it also would probably be easier for her to, I mean, I don’t know the ex’s situation, but Right. You know? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Um, all right.

“Honestly, I didn’t care whether my sister came or not. That was her choice, but I knew my mom would take her side as always, and of course she did.

When I told my mom who was paying for the venue, she freaked out too and told me I needed to figure out a way to make it work, because that’s your sister’s family. Nevermind. I didn’t even know this kid or her dad, and that we were already struggling to fit everyone in still. I told her I would look into it.

We went back over the list and there was just no way to make it work without cutting close friends or choosing between cousins in the same family. So I told both my mom and my sister that we couldn’t justify adding Violet. I also said that once we got RSVPs, if anyone declined, we’d probably have the space.” Which I feel like that’s a good response, right?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that that’s a good like backup plan. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. “That wasn’t good enough. My mom threatened to pull out of the wedding completely. No payment, no attendance over this.” Now, the mom,

Sarah Wizeman: The mom, the mom!? What? Did it say if the mom knew the daughter?

Christa Innis: So far it did not say no. But she keeps referring to it as her family.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay.

Christa Innis: So I don’t know if they’re like all like, let’s see. So it sounds like. 2020 when they originally got engaged, or 2019 when they originally got engaged Uhhuh. So she’s been with this guy for maybe a year and a half, two years by this point. I don’t know.

Sarah Wizeman: Oh my gosh. What?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. “My sister accused me of playing favorites because we made exceptions to the two kids in the wedding party.

That’s pretty normal though.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. What!?

Christa Innis: “Then she told me I was dead to her. At that point, I’d had enough. I told her that was her choice and she could consider her invitation revoked.”

Sarah Wizeman: Oh God. Uninvited.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. Yeah. You’re, you’re done

Sarah Wizeman: Uninvited.

Christa Innis: But you gotta kind of like, not saying I support, like being like, you’re done. But I’m like, you gotta kind of like applaud her for being like, be like, okay, well you wanna play two can play that game. Because I think, I think half the time when people threaten things like that, they would just want you to change it. Like they don’t, they’re not gonna actually follow through.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: They want you to, they wanna get their way.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes, a hundred percent. I will back you up on that one. Yeah. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

Christa Innis: Have you? Yeah. I just, I feel like there’s so many empty, like, threats out there. ’cause they just, they know they can take advantage of someone.

They’re like, if you don’t do this, I’m gonna do this. So they’re like, they’re like, I just don’t wanna even risk the chance of that happening, you know?

Sarah Wizeman: Right.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. “Cue my mom’s next meltdown. My sister had always been the favorite and this just proved it again in the end. My sister didn’t come to the wedding.

My mom eventually gave in at the last minute. One of my aunts also took my sister’s side and didn’t attend though, to be fair. I think it had more to do with her finding out my uncle was cheating than our own drama.” Okay. Whoa. I think that was separate. Okay. “That’s another, another thing. Once those people took themselves off the list, I actually got to invite a few people we wanted there.

Oh. And as a cherry on top, my mom also tried to get me to cut my stepmom’s parents, even though they’d been in my life for 20 years and were helping pay for the wedding. Obviously I refuse.” I don’t get the whole like telling someone, you have to uninvite or invite someone to the wedding. It’s like, that’s not how it works. It’s not your day.

Sarah Wizeman: No. It’s not your day at all. And also, like of course, the mother would target the stepmother’s family, like I feel like there might be some jealousy or animosity there or something.

Christa Innis: Story, she’s story like by her parents. It’s like, if they’ve been in her life as grandparents for 20 years, I think it’s acceptable.

Right? Oh my God. What? That’s s so of course the mom was never, the mom was always gonna show up, I feel like.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. I mean, unless you’re my dad, why are, how are you gonna, how are you gonna miss your daughter’s wedding? You know? Yes. Like that’s,

Christa Innis: And now to be like, put this wedge even more between the sisters, because it sounds like they’re already kind of like far apart, like they live in different states, but like the fact that they’re, I don’t know.

It’s, yeah. Um, so she says, “for weeks afterward, my mom kept pushing me to apologize to my sister, even though I’d done nothing wrong. I told her I wouldn’t and that my sister actually owed me an apology. We didn’t speak for months after the wedding. And even now, four years later, we barely talk. So yeah, that’s my story. Use it, tweak it, or do whatever you want with it.”

Sarah Wizeman: Oh, oh my gosh. That’s that. Oh, man. So did, did she mean her and her sister barely talk?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. That’s, that’s really sad. Like we’re talking about like looking at both perspectives, right? And so like, I could see, like, I could see where the other sister would be hurt.

’cause like, let’s say she’s been living with this guy now, what did she say? She met him in? It had to be, um, they had, let’s see, it was pre-pandemic. When she’d asked early on. So it would’ve been like 20, yeah. 2019. 2019, right. Yeah. So at this point they’d been together, let’s say at mo at the very most, it would be two years.

Okay. But probably not even, maybe a year and a half. Yeah. Um, so for the sister, like she’s been living this with this guy for a year. Maybe the daughter comes every other week. Maybe she like, takes care of the daughter mostly. We don’t know. Yeah. Um, so I could get feeling hurt for sure. Like if you’re like, this is my family, family.

This is my almost stepdaughter and my boyfriend of two years. But to make that be like, what you’re gonna, the hill you’re gonna die on?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Right. Of course it would be easier for her just to like invite, but I don’t know. It’s, yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: I know, it makes me wonder if like she and her sister have like some sort of back history of like just sibling rival rivalry kind of thing going on too.

Like maybe, I don’t know. That’s, that’s how I think with the whole skits thing, but um, yeah, I, that would not be the hill that I would wanna die on. Me and my sister, we are best friends, but we also are, are like tough critics too. So like, you know, we’ve had a little bit of sibling rivalry going on, but I would never like ever not show up to her wedding if she told me that I couldn’t bring my significant other or my child. Mm-hmm. Actually, my, so Amanda, the girl I was talking about, my bridesmaid, she’s more of like a sister to me, and she had her wedding during the pandemic, and she asked me to, um, come by myself without my, um, he was my fiance at the time.

Mm-hmm. Um, and, or no, he was just my boyfriend at the time, actually. But I, I was like, of course, that’s no problem. Like, you know, like, I’m gonna be there for you. I understand because of what’s going on. I know you would have him there if it wasn’t the restrictions. I know it’s outta your control, so. Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I would not choose that as my hill to die on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, I’m even thinking like, let’s say like my cousin who’s like a sister to me, like she lives in another state, let’s say. Like she’s getting married and was like, we’re not doing any kids, so your daughter can’t come. I don’t think I’d be offended by that.

Mm-hmm. Like my blood daughter, I would be like, okay, either I can make it work with a babysitter or I can’t, and be, I either fly with someone to watch her in the hotel room or I can’t make it work. I wouldn’t be like, oh my gosh, how, how dare you like not invite her. Do you hate her? Like, ’cause it’s not that personal.

Yeah. Like it’s not personal. There’s just some places that I feel like aren’t meant for kids sometimes. Yeah. People just don’t want that vibe and, and that’s okay. Like when people get up in arms in the comments about it, they’re like, oh, well, wedding’s a family event. And I’m like, sure. But it’s also a party.

Yeah. It’s alcohol. Mm-hmm. I mean, so it’s teach their own, like, you wouldn’t bring your child into an R-rated movie. You wouldn’t bring your child to like a nightclub or, you know, like there’s, there’s certain places and if that’s the vibe you want for your wedding, you, that’s the beauty of it. You get to pick what vibe you want and um, but yeah, it’s like you can’t be like up in arms about. Or mad at the bride for wanting it a certain way, you know?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, exact. Exactly. Like whatever the bride wants. I, I, that’s like kind of been my motto is like, whatever the bride wants, like, is like what you respect, I guess, or I, I shouldn’t even say the bride is the couples that make those decisions together too.

Mm-hmm. And so whatever they want, like respect that. Obviously crazy. I’ve seen crazy things happen, but I’m talking about like the people who are like, like the no kid weddings or like mm-hmm. You know, um, other decisions that they make. Like I’ve seen like the dry weddings as well. Like we kind of that’s a whole, like controversy as well too. So Yeah. If you want to support them, respect their wishes, uh, otherwise like just say no thank you to the invite, I guess. Yeah, that would be, that’s like kind of like what my motto would be for that.

Christa Innis: Right. Because yeah, again, it’s like the entitlement because like, she didn’t even try to like. See if they could find someone to watch the child or like, how about we all fly together and then he just stays back with her while go to the wedding. You know, like, yeah. It was anything like that. It was just freaking out on the bride immediately. Yes. And making it her problem. Change your rules for your wedding. ’cause I’m bringing,

and like that’s, that doesn’t sit right, right with me because I’m just like, there could have been so many other ways to go about it. Like if she was like, Hey, actually, like he has sole custody and we, you know, can’t rely on the mom. Okay, well how about you come here and she can come to this, you know, like you can like, communicate through things.

Like, it’s just demanding. I don’t like.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, a hundred percent. Like if she would’ve, instead of texted back the demand or like the, the awful things she could have said, Hey, like, let me talk to him and see like what options we have. Do you have any other options on your end? Like, could you go to the venue and say, Hey, is there like, like something that we could do?

Like, could we. I, I don’t even know what the, ’cause that was like a mandatory, like mandate, but, um, I’m just like thinking like, is there something that she could do on her end? Like, you know? Right. Like, it’s like you were talking about, it’s just like all about communication and Yeah. When you come at someone and just like, start yelling like that doesn’t, that doesn’t end well for anybody.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That just starts off all on the bad foot.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Well, that was a, a wild story. All right. Yes. There’s no listening what you, what you think about that.

Wedding Confessions: Toxic Moms, Sibling Drama & Vendor Chaos

All right. I always like to end these episodes with some confessions people send me. They all have to do with weddings and stuff, so, oh, okay. Here we go.

All right. Um, let me check my eyesight here. Okay, here we go. Um, people will send me these on Instagram, so here we go.

Um, “moved across the country hoping it will help my husband limit contact with his toxic mom.”

Sarah Wizeman: Oh.

Christa Innis: Keep us posted on how that’s going.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Yes, exactly. Oh my goodness. Um, I hope, I hope that, I hope that the toxic mom is not gonna follow you there. That’s like, like what I think of, I’m like, I hope they don’t gonna move there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like at the end of the day too, it has to be him that limits the toxic mom.

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Like block or block, um, not answer certain calls or talk to her? It’s not, yeah. Um, this says, “currently terrified that my brother and sister-in-law will announce their pregnancy at my wedding.”

Would that terrify you if someone were to announce their pregnancy?

Sarah Wizeman: Um, no. Um, that would not actually, I would be, I would be the one to be like super happy, especially if like they’ve been like waiting for it for a while, like. That would be just me though. Like that wouldn’t bother me. An engagement on the other hand, I think would bother me a little bit more than a pregnancy announcement.

Christa Innis: Proposal at your wedding?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Proposal. Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I mean, I feel like it’s like, depends on like how they would do it. If they like, were just like, Hey, you wanna let you know? I’d be like, I’d so happy for you. That’s awesome. If they were like in a speech, just so you know, we’re having a baby. It’s all about That’s true about relationships and I think like how you go about it.

Yeah. Because I did get a story sent to me once where, um, the whole like. Engagement. It was like a one upper kind of thing, right? With the two siblings. And the mom wanted to do a grand gender reveal at the wedding and they were like, no, like they wanted like balloons and like, and then they saw, and one of the bridesmaids saw the mom loading boxes of balloons into the car.

And they were like, these are staying out here. And then they like did a big thing at their table. Like she would not say no. She wanted her moment of like announcing that she was gonna be a grandma at the wedding.

Sarah Wizeman: That’s like a, um, a Madison Humphrey, like I can see Madison Humphrey. And being like, oh my gosh.

Wow. Yeah, I can, yeah, that’s on hand. Yeah, no, I was thinking like, it would be more of like, um, like they would be like over in the corner, like at the bar or whatever, and being like, just let you guys know we are pregnant. Like, kind of like talking to their family. Not like a whole shebang, balloons and stuff. Holy cow.

Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I wonder if like, this girl has like a hint that something big is gonna happen or I don’t know. Mm-hmm. Good luck, girl. Yeah.

Sarah Wizeman: Let her know. Let us know or let Christa know what happened. Yes. Let us

Christa Innis: know. Um, okay. This last one says, “sister-in-law to the bride called the pastor and said he shouldn’t marry the couple.” Yikes. Why are we doing that?

Sarah Wizeman: The sister-in-law called the pastor and told him that they shouldn’t, he shouldn’t marry them.

Christa Innis: Uhhuh.

Sarah Wizeman: What? Wait, is the confession? Confession is coming from the bride or the sister?

Christa Innis: No, it just says, it’s just says the si The bride’s sister-in-law called the pastor. So I wonder if it’s just like things that people like.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay.

Christa Innis: That’s why.

Sarah Wizeman: Wow. That is, that’s, I wonder why, I wonder what provoked that. I, I feel like maybe infidelity, uh, I don’t know. Or just doesn’t like her. Yeah. Or yeah, like the cattiness of it. I’m so nice.

Christa Innis: I just heard a story where a sister-in-law tried, um, canceling the bride’s dress like she called the bridal shop.

And pretended to be the bride and said, we will no longer need your services. And she went around and canceled vendors and venues.

Sarah Wizeman: I did a skit like that once. I can’t remember the actual details, but I remember like the mother-in-law calls in and like cancels, um, cancels a bunch of different things and then they show up and nothing is there.

So. That’s, I feel like that’s like a popular thing. Um, oh my God. Like that. I’m, he, I like hear it all. I hear about that a lot. Like people like, ’cause that’s why, um, like, uh, the vendors have to have a code now. Like, so like when you call in, like they have to make like a special code, um, before you can like, cancel anything because like they’ve had problems with like, people calling in and like changing stuff or canceling it.

Um, that weren’t supposed to.

Christa Innis: That’s why I know. I never knew that was a thing until people started sending me stories and they were like, yeah, my mother-in-law tried changing everything at our venue. And I’m like, what? Why do people, people do that? Like, this is really making these skits. I’ve really learned a lot about how crazy some people are.

Sarah Wizeman: I know, I’m, I agree with you. ’cause I’m like, wait, she did what? I have to act that out, you know, kind of thing. Like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That’s so funny.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was so fun hanging out with you. Oh

Sarah Wizeman: gosh. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I was so excited to be on.

It was so fun to talk about all the different stories and stuff, so thank you for having me on.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And thank you for sharing your story. I know that was a lot probably to dive back into, but, um, can you, for everyone listening, can you share again, like where they can find all your content, your, like your social handles, your book name, and anything else fun you’re working on?

Sarah Wizeman: Yeah. Um, so my book name is The Invisible String. I think it might be backwards, but in the invisible string. No, it’s, it’s forward to me. Oh, it’s okay. Cool. Yeah. Um, you can find it on Amazon. Um, and then all my handles are just @Sarah Wizeman for any of my social media. I’m on TikTok and YouTube. Um, I don’t really go on Instagram that much.

It’s just like, it’s like comp too complicated for me, for Instagram for sure. But yeah. And, um, yeah, I’m coming out with, so I’ve like challenged myself to kind of release like a new book every, like, on YouTube is more like my, like longer stories where TikTok is like my short like bridal stories and like crazy skits.

Um, so I’ve challenged myself to like publish a book every month, um, and then like kind of month act it every month. Yeah. Act it out on Go girl. It probably won’t be as big as this. Not that this is big, but it like, probably will be like short stories kind of thing. But, um. Right now I’m working on one ’cause I work, I help my, one of my best friends who was a bridesmaid of mine, she owns a Christmas tree farm and it is so fun to work with her at the Christmas Tree Farm.

So the next book I’m gonna be publishing here soon is actually like a Christmas tree farm story, so…

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Like Hallmark story.

Sarah Wizeman: Yes, yes. I’m so excited about it. So, and then I’ll act it out and like post it on YouTube and kind of do that like monthly over there. But TikTok will basically stay like the plot twist crazy wedding stuff and like romance, like I usually like romance, uh, crazy relationship stuff, all that.

Christa Innis: I love that. That’s so smart. That’s such a smart way and fun way to like market your books too and get people. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well thank you so much. We’ll put all the links to all your books and everything in the show notes as well.

Sarah Wizeman: Okay. Thank you, Christa!

by Christa Innis

Thanksgiving Special: Gratitude, Growth & Empowering Moments

What have weddings taught me after 45 episodes? More than I ever expected.

From runaway brides to mothers-in-law who weaponize place cards, this past year has been filled with stories that cracked me open, lifted me up, and changed the way I see relationships entirely. In today’s special Thanksgiving episode, I’m bringing you the most heartfelt, jaw-dropping, empowering moments from the show — the ones that made me pause, tear up, rethink, and laugh out loud. These are the stories that reminded me why I started HCTD in the first place.

Whether it’s choosing yourself, challenging tradition, or surviving the wildly unexpected, these moments will stick with you the way they stuck with me.

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Check out the full featured episodes here:

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

06:47 A Wedding Day Disaster

09:45 The Role of a Professional Bridesmaid

13:25 Challenging Traditional Gender Roles in Marriage

20:06 The Importance of Valuing Stay-at-Home Moms

21:33 A Wedding Dress Fitting Gone Wrong

33:06 Starting in Wedding Fashion

33:37 Non-Traditional Wedding Attire

34:26 Queer Wedding Fashion

36:13 Wedding Planning Challenges

39:10 Marriage and Personal Timelines

51:20 A Life-Changing Event

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Real-Life Rom-Com – A wedding party meet-cute turns into a love story that proves fate sometimes shows up exactly when it should.
The “I Don’t Want to Do This” Bride – Minutes before walking down the aisle, a bride confesses she hates the groom… and the solution is unlike anything you’ve heard.
Internalized Misogyny in Marriage – A candid conversation about gender roles, cooking, and the pressure women still feel to “perform” domestic duties.
The Dress Fitting Disaster – My own wedding dress nightmare involving blood, chaos, and an unexpectedly emotional hug.
Fighting for Nontraditional Fashion – How one stylist is helping brides and grooms redefine what wedding attire should look like.
Listener Story: When “Next of Kin” Turns Toxic – A partner is shut out of the ICU by her boyfriend’s mother after a tragic accident — and the fallout is heartbreaking.
Listener Story: MIL Wedding Takeover – A mother-in-law forces half the guest list to be cut… for her tennis buddies. Yes, really.
Listener Story: The Pocket Money Getaway – When a bride jokes about needing “escape cash,” the truth behind the humor becomes painfully real.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“If you’re wearing white to a wedding and you’re not the bride, you KNOW what you’re doing.” – Christa
“Cutting someone from your guest list isn’t personal—it’s practical. It’s your day, not a family reunion.” – Christa
“Traditions are great, but they shouldn’t hold you hostage. Your wedding should feel like YOU.” – Christa
“Weddings are about celebrating love, not throwing a party to impress people you barely talk to.” – Ivette
“If you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your boundaries—choose YOU.” – Ivette

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of, Here Comes The Drama. I’m your host, Christa Innis, and we’ve got a kind of different episode for you today as today is Thanksgiving. I kind of wanted to use this time as a little reflection back on the last year. It’s been about a year since I started prepping for and recording podcast episodes, which is just. Wild to think. I feel like I just blinked and here we are. Um, this is episode 45, which I just, I truly can’t believe, you know, when I first set out to do this podcast, my goal was to have 25,000 downloads for the whole year. And as of recording today, which is. Two weeks prior to it coming out, we have officially hit 200,000 downloads, which still just blows my mind to think about.

Um, so I just wanna say how grateful I am for this journey for you guys to listen. And it’s just been so fun to. Be able to share and chat with you guys in just a completely different way than I do in my skits. You know, a lot of times in my skits I play these characters and it’s funny ’cause people comment sometimes.

They’re like, I don’t know if like, when I were to meet you in, if I were to meet you in person, which version I would get? And hopefully none of those. Um, but. This allows me, this podcast allows me to kind of open up to you guys a little bit more, have more conversations with other people, chat about things in a different way that I don’t always get to or don’t find the time to, um, on social media. So I just appreciate you guys for. Listening for downloading, for sharing with friends, and I just feel so much gratitude today. So, um, I really wanted to take the time, you know, it being Thanksgiving, um, to just express that to you. Um, it’s been a lot of work putting this podcast together and. You know, in the beginning I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

And so being able to look now, look back now and see how far it’s come, all the amazing guests we’ve had on the show, the people I’ve met through just creating content, the messages you guys have sent me has truly just been unbelievable. And, um, I tend to get emotional when I like sit back and like let it all soak in. But I’m gonna try my best not to. I, I. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot of the times. I, I am a planner by heart. I love to organize and I love to get things, you know, where they need to be. But I move pretty fast and sometimes I just move, like with the, the, sometimes I just move with the motions. Um, meaning I don’t always put meaning, I don’t always take time to sit back and be like, whoa, what is, what is happening here?

Or, wow, this is really cool. Um, even last night I was like sitting and I’m like. I published a book that’s always been a goal of mine to publish a book and I just like, was like, okay, onto the next. And so, um. I, I was reminded by when I had, um, Lisandra Vasquez on here, she talked about how, um, it’s really good to, you know, when bad things happen, we’re taught to say this too shall pass. But she said, also, with good things, reminding yourself, this too shall pass. Meaning. To really soak it in while it’s there and to really soak it in while things are good. And just allow yourself to really feel the gratitude and to feel, um, the excitement from that part of the journey. So, I know that was a long tangent, but.

I just want you guys to know what this truly means to me. Um, it’s been so great and I have so many more exciting things coming for you both on the podcast with book number two coming out and other things up my sleeve that I cannot wait to share. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys so much for being here. And of course, happy Thanksgiving. I hope you guys have a great day with your friends, your family, and you find things to truly be grateful for. Um. So, yeah, we are doing things a little different this week. Um, as I am reflecting back on this past year, instead of a full new episode, we are gonna be sharing some segments from some of our best episodes, some shocking stories, some impactful moments, and I can’t wait for you guys to listen to ’em all. So we’re gonna, we put something fun together for you and I can’t wait to, and I can’t wait to. And I can’t wait for you to listen and enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Enjoy. That’s all I got for you guys this week, and I’ll see you next time.

So without further ado, please enjoy this week’s episode.

Christa Innis: You said you have a story of how you met your husband at a wedding, so let’s get into that.

Meeting Mr. Borgert

Colleen Borgert: Okay, so I met Mr. Borgert. we were both in the same wedding party for my cousin almost 16 years ago.

And, he clocked me right away and was that’s the girl I wanna marry. So we got to the reception, danced a little bit. there was definite connection early on. We both went our own ways. the next week he called my cousin, old school, got my number, called me on the telephone. I heard this man’s voice who does that anymore?

So un heard of these days. I know. And he asked me out on a date and we have been together ever since. But yeah, he went up to my cousin who was the bride, and said, I just want you to know I’m gonna marry that girl. And

Christa Innis: oh my gosh, that’s like a romantic story.

Colleen Borgert: I know I love.

Christa Innis: Oh my God. So how is he connected to the wedding?

was he like a groomsmen or He was I guess your cousin’s husband.

Colleen Borgert: Yes, friend. He was, a longtime childhood friend of the groom. Okay. So now they get to be at family functions together and we’re like pretty our kids together. So it’s. wonderful.

Christa Innis: I love that when they’re already like connected, so there’s likeno extra introduction.

you got an in, he’s got an in. and then for you, it was a family wedding, so your family was probably already there. did he like meet your parents then at the wedding and everything?

Colleen Borgert: I don’t know if he necessarily like, them at the wedding.

Yeah. But was invested in the fun that my family can have for sure. We are in good time, so I love that. Yeah, he was there for it.

Christa Innis: Oh, that’s awesome. I love that story. ’cause usually when I ask people crazy stories, they’re like, I try to not put people on the spot, but,

I love that it was like a positive good story. Yes. Because people just remember these crazy moments. That’s why I share them. But like for the most part, there are so many great wedding stories and like fun moments and wild moments about, yes.

Things hanging out. Awesome. I love that.

Professional Bridesmaid or Emotional Support Human?

So when you’re thinking back of all the weddings, I’m sure you’ve all these like flooded memories that come up. What’s likeone of the craziest or like out there things that you either witnessed or you heard about or you saw at a wedding?

Jen Glantz: I worked a wedding one in Staten Island. I got to know the bride and the groom for about three to four months. Everything checked out. Everything seemed normal. I get to the wedding, we get her dressed. We have a great morning. Everything is going really well. All of a sudden, five minutes before the ceremony, all her guests are seated.

The wedding officiants there. Five minutes before the wedding, she grabs my arm, pulls me in a room and locks the door and she says, Jen, I hate the groom. I don’t wanna do this. that was the first time that this has happened to me. you see this in movies, the bride who’s I don’t wanna do this, let’s go.

But this was happening in real life, and I think this was like two or three years the job where I never experienced this. So I basically said to her look, I will call us an Uber. I’ll sneak you out the back door. Like we will go, I don’t care. I’ve been paid. I don’t care. But I personally can’t sleep at night unless you sit down with the groom and tell him you’re leaving because that just doesn’t seem right to me. this isn’t a rom-com. This isn’t a movie. This is people’s real life. So I basically put the groom in the room with her. I put a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and I was like, you guys talk for 10 minutes and then I will come back and whatever is decided I will help you with.

So in that 10 minute time, they basically hashed it out and they realized, okay, like they actually don’t wanna marry each other. They don’t like each other, they don’t wanna do this. But the weddings now and. My, the wedding should have started. So basically what they decided was that they were gonna go through with the wedding.

They never signed the marriage license, and it was just gonna be fake because the truth is like nobody actually knows if you sign your marriage license. And that’s what marriage actually is that legal document. So honestly, at a lot of weddings, they just don’t sign the the marriage license, and they’re not really married.

So the wedding starts, they don’t sign the marriage license, they’re like miles away from each other. The first dance, they’re like high schoolers who like won’t touch each other. It’s an outdoor wedding. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. It starts storming torrential downpour. Everyone’s soaking wet.

They go to move the cake on the dance floor, the cake falls off the table. Like literally everything goes wrong. It was as if the universe was like, this shouldn’t happen. And I just remember leaving that wedding thinking like, wow, like this is

Christa Innis: crazy. It was crazy. like you mentioned, it’s not like a romcom, but it kind oflike it sounds so Crazy they’re like together this whole time playing this wedding and then the day of, they’re just both yeah, you know,I don’t really care. Let’s just go through this fake wedding. And did anyone else know?

Jen Glantz: No, because, all her friends were just like, why, what’s going on? And I was like, oh, they just have to talk about something before they go do their vows.

So likenobody really knew. But then I think during the wedding there was obviously a sense of like distance and hatred between them. But a lot of people don’t really pick up on that. nobody really questioned it. And yeah, I think like after the wedding ended, a couple months later, they just went their separate ways.

And that happens. not a lot of people, but people will break up or get divorced a couple months or a year after they get married because they felt this way on their wedding day, but they just didn’t admit it.

I do bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bridal showers.

I think the most interesting part is that I don’t drink, I just don’t like to drink. I haven’t drank in so many years, so I go to all these things completely sober. And it’s interesting because a lot of these environments are meant to be you, and people are more rowdy and drinking. So when you’re the sober one, you see it in such a different light.

Like you see the drama in a really different light. But also like I need to be sober because my job is not to party with them, it’s to fake party with them, but be there for them and you really need to have a clear mind. lot of people who want to work this job are like, I’d be so good at it.

I love to party, I love to drink. I’m like, but that’s not the job. The job is to be like an emotional support animal for these people and really just be there with all the twists and turns. And I think that it’s less glamorous than people think it is.

Christa Innis: Yeah. okay, so you said like in the beginning you weren’t really a fan of being a bridesmaid, but then through making this your business and then being in so many different weddings, is it like something that you find joy in and what are your favorite parts of it all?

because I’m sure it’s so different. I’m sure you meet like very organized brides that like tell you like this and this. And other times you’re probably helping them organize a little bit more. So has that shifted or changed since you’ve done it?

Jen Glantz: You

Christa Innis: know,

Jen Glantz: I’ve said this publicly from day one that I don’t love weddings.

I don’t understand them. I did not have one. I’m not wedding obsessed. I never was the little girl who cared about weddings. I still feel that way. I don’t necessarily love the wedding environment. I absolutely have this deep love for strangers and helping people. I don’t know. I’ve always been like that.

It’s just part of my personality. I find it harder to connect with people in my life. I find it easier to connect strangers, and that’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. I do think my favorite part of the job is being able to help a person during a difficult time in their lives. People don’t label weddings as that, but they actually are.

It’s really tough for people to have a wedding, especially ’cause most people have a tough family dynamic. They have secrets they have. Problems that surface during the wedding and they don’t really have anyone to turn to. ’cause your friends, they’re busy or you feel scared to tell them this information ’cause it will live with them forever.

So being able to enter a person’s life and help them process what should be a good time in their life, but is often a stressful time. Is the reason why I really love this job. I am not qualified to be a therapist, nothing like that. But I do feel like a little bit of my job is therapy for people, or at least it’s like a secret keeper.

Like I hold onto their secrets for them. and to be able to help them get through that is what keeps me going. It just happens to be in a wedding setting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’m sure like you were saying earlier, like having an unbiased opinion from someone or just an open ear is helpful. ’cause you think like all your closest people at a party or wedding or something, they’re all gonna have some kind of bias around you.

Like whether that’s good or bad. And so just having someone there that’s there to help you and listen, like I’m sure just feels good to be like, just be on my side for this. I just need to tell you about this crazy thing my aunt did, or know, whatever it is. and I’m

not gonna lie to you because I have no stakes in the game.

So if you want my honest opinion, I’m gonna be honest. If you want unbiased advice, I’m going to do that because I don’t have to ever see you again. So I’m not gonna say things because I need to tiptoe around you. I’m gonna say what you want because. That’s the relationship is I am completely going to be unbiased for you.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m gonna try to help you and do what’s I think is best for you because I have no stakes in the game where your best friend might be like, oh, Jen, like you’re just having cold feet. go through with it go through with it because they don’t want you to be embarrassed and they have all these like other agendas.

I have no agenda except that my job is to be there for you like a true friend would.

Weddings: Where Chaos Meets Champagne

Payal Desai: I’ve been thinking about how everyone really has internalized misogyny within us, especially like the way that I grew up and what I saw as in front of me modeled.

Everyone has internalized misogyny. And one way that it showed up in my marriage is that my husband loves to cook and he always has. And so when we got married, that was the role that he just naturally took. so we would meal plan together and everything, but then he would really execute the dish.

And I did not want like anyone to know about this. I did not want his parents to know, like I didn’t wanna make it a topic. I didn’t wanna tell my mom because every time it came up socially, like it made me feel like I. It made me look bad. Like I wasn’t fulfilling my duty. And there was even one time we hosted his family over and I made him tell them that I come to the lasagna and he was like, okay.

Christa Innis: Like I’ll tell them that’s okay. Like I’ll tell them that you made it. And I had not, I had assisted, I had sous chef. I was not doing it. And it still counts, but like,yeah. I was so worried about how people view traditional roles oh my gosh, I feel so

Payal Desai: seen right now.

Christa Innis: I still, yeah.

Payal Desai: It’s taken me a really long time to just now proudly be like, yeah, and it comes from women a lot of times, like women will make snide remarks and be like, he’s the one that cooks. Yes. Okay. if I bring a dish to a potluck with friends, they’ll be like, what did he make? This is my husband.

What did he make? He made a buffalo chicken dip and it’s really good. Yes. So the way, the tone in which it’s shared or like just giving him credit, I’m like, What are we doing? Like,there’s internalized misogyny in us.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I think it’s too, couples that maybe haven’t, you know, openly have that conversation of maybe the woman does everything.

They almost feel like. I don’t know the right word to say, but like, when they hear like someone’s husband does do some cooking, they’re like, oh, my husband can do that. And so it’s like an instant, like they’re angry that it’s not working out for them. ‘I’m not gonna say who, but there was someone close to me that like, when they found out my husband like cooked dinner for us one night, to their husband.

They were like, oh, you never cook for me. And it was just this like awkward moment. ’cause I was like. Okay. I don’t know. Yeah. that’s the same, my husband really enjoys cooking. And cooking for me has always been like second nature. Like I do okay if I like focus, I don’t find complete joy in it.

Payal Desai: I don’t find joy. I’ve never really found joy in it. And I think that when you are in a partnership like we’ve been talking about, like when one person has a strength and they take it on, it’s not as though he’s in the kitchen doing everything on his, I’m like, behind, I’m cleaning.

I’m sure you do dishes. I’m sure you’re like part of it because you both have to be part of it. Yeah. So I think that when people know he cooks, they just picture me laying on the couch. We have two children. Somebody’s giving them baths, like somebody’s doing something. There’s always something. My hands are never just idle,

but whenever we know that a man is taking on a very traditional role, Society is, wants to criticize that. I don’t understand it. I really don’t get it

Christa Innis: 100%. I feel like there’s so much more discourse about that now and the older generations that almost didn’t really have a choice where it was just like the man goes to work, he comes home, dinner should be ready on the table, maybe even like older.

’cause I. I don’t know. I think my parents’ generation was starting to equal a little bit, but it’s like grandparents’ generation for sure. It was like dinner on the table when you get home. Mom takes care of the kids so now that they’re seeing this conversation, people that I feel like.

It worked for them, and they’re like, why can’t the wife just be cooking? Why can’t this happen? It’s

Payal Desai: you gotta question who was it really working for? who remained extremely comfortable in the way that it was. if we wanna sit here and assume or make the, statements about how happy our grandmas were Cross culture, they were not. were oftentimes burdened without a choice. Yes. There’s not a lot of happiness in that. Okay. So you gotta just be able to critically talk about these things and not just be like, why can’t it just be like traditional?

Christa Innis: Yeah. a hundred percent.

yeah, I don’t share a lot of my personal. Life on out here. But I’ve had two different, molds when it came to my grandparents. And like my grandmother I’m really close to, I don’t even know when it was, I was a kid when she got divorced, but she’s always taught like such independence, like she’s done everything for herself.

And I feel like I learned a lot from her. Yeah. She was like, women can do everything. Like she was an ER nurse and she’s I knew more than the doctors. Doctors would try to come in and they would try to, these men would try to tell me what I knew, and she’s I knew more than them.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you go girl. And she was like, brought a lot of that, out of me, because I’m like, yes, not she’s not traditional in that way. So I was like. Yes, we need that. That’s amazing.

Payal Desai: And rare, right? Like I’m sure for her generation that was a little rare and maybe even getting divorced was not accepted by society.

’cause it, wasn’t as common for her generation, the next generation. Yes. It became like more common Women were no longer tolerating and like joining the work for like full-time. You have two parents who are working full-time and if the domestic labor is not, if there is an equity in that, then it’s going to cause conflict as it should.

Christa Innis: Yes. definitely. Oh my gosh, I feel like we could talk about this forever. I love it. Oh my God. Yeah. I’m so like, passionate about it just because I feel like it makes such a difference in the way like. I’m able to parent because my husband’s an equal part. Mm-hmm. I feel like so many women can’t speak up about that or they’re just, we’re pushed into the role of

Payal Desai: I feel like stay-at-home moms are amazing and I think that is your passion and goal and like,do it. Yes. But so many are pushed into that role without asking if that’s what they want or if they want. More. And I know I can get on a whole topic

from that. I really could too, because I think that a stay at home mom, we need to start looking at that a literal job with duties.

And you would never be working somebody around the clock, right? Like you would never give them 24 7 tasks like they, they’re working overtime constantly. Other jobs do have boundaries. Usually, or you can put in place healthy boundaries. And I’m just reflecting on like my job as a teacher, which oftentimes can have no boundaries, but I had to really work to do that.

So you’ve gotta be with somebody who also understands what you’re doing is a service. It’s a job and you may not be getting a paycheck for it, but you’re saving your family money. Yeah. So there is, like a financial aspect of being a stay at home mom and we need to be talking about that a lot more than we do.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We need to be valuing it as Yeah. The full job that just talking about because, I used to work for like a mommy brand and I worked in a mom group and so many of these women were just Almost put in a spot where it’s like their husband controlled every single thing.

And so it’s like they wanted that stay at home job, mom role, but then they weren’t able to have a certain amount of money and it’s No, we like value because. By her doing this, you’re allowed more time at work or you’re allowed more time to do this. and so yeah, that’s one of the many issues in our society right now.

Payal Desai: Yeah. Yeah,

Christa Innis: Wait, I’m laughing because I just realized we never talked about my dress fitting. Should we talk about it?

Ivette Bracken: I just thought about that. Yes. Tell the story please.

Because I immediately thought about that.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. So I can believe I’ve never shared this before. was it my first dress fitting? No, I think it was your second. So it was to try it on. So I went into my dress fitting and I think for that one it was no ’cause

you had already been

Ivette Bracken: there before.

Christa Innis: Yeah, this was,

Ivette Bracken: yeah. So this is your second time. So I must have gone, did I go by myself? I think Jordan went with you the first time, didn’t she? And then I went with you the second time.

Christa Innis: Okay. Jordan and my mother-in-law, I think went the first time maybe.

Yeah,pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and first okay me, you and my mom pull up, or no, you are maybe behind us or something. We pull up and I called the woman and she was like, I don’t have any appointments today. And I’m like, yeah, you have an appointment. we’re outside. and she’s Nope, I’m looking at the books.

I don’t have anything. She’s can you come back? And I was like, my maid of honor and my mom or are here and they live an hour away. we can’t really just reschedule today. And she’s oh, okay, be there in 30 minutes. Can you just go to the local coffee shop?

Which ended up being really cool. That’s a great experience. It was really great ’cause it was friends theme and we’re big fans of friends around here, so that was really cute. But we go back and she’s still not there. And then she like. Quickly comes around the front lets us in. No, she doesn’t even let us in.

I think we let ourselves in. She’s in the back, doesn’t even come out to say anything. And you can just hear her back there and she’s like, yeah,be out in a second. And I was like, okay. It was like another, what, 20 minutes? Yeah.

Ivette Bracken: We were waiting for a while. Yeah. she was a grandma, right?

So she had, was it one grand baby or two? Just the one, I think one was there and she was like, toddler, she was a toddler. this woman is stressed out, sweating. I can hear like in the back, things falling down, being knocked over. I feel

Christa Innis: the

Ivette Bracken: tense, like tension? Yes.

So then she was like, what was your name? I was like, Krista. And she was like flipping through pages back there in this room in the back. And she’s like,yeah, okay, we’ve got your dress. we’ll get it on. And she comes rushing out and puts it in the room. And I like go in there by myself.

Christa Innis: I like, shut the door or did I go in there by myself? No, I can’t remember. And then I like slowly open it or something. And I was like, Eva, come here. And you’re like, what? And so you and my mom came in and I was like, there’s blood all over the dress. it wasn’t just like a couple spots, it was all over, underneath the layers.

Ivette Bracken: Like a trail of everywhere she was touching, which is the whole. Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.

Christa Innis: Yes. And I feel like she like overheard me say that and then like came back and she’s oh, it’s just a spot. And then just quickly sprayed and wiped. And I was like, internally panicking because like in that point of course, sure most things can come out, but it’s just like a kind of a weird thing to be like there’s someone else’s blood on your dress when you’re like here to try it on.

Yeah. I think she was like panicked doing it fast. Like really fast. And I was like, okay, you know what? They said something’s gonna happen wrong during your wedding planning. And I said, this is the thing. And I’m just glad it’s my dress and it’s early. I was internally panicking, but I think at that point you took the lead and you were just like, okay, what’s going on here? And you were like, just, kind, but you were very like, firm with her. Like,okay, what are we doing here? And she’s like,I don’t know. And then she held her hands up and her hands had cuts all over them, almost like she was just moving really fast.

So I think what happened is she had me down for the wrong date. And then when I called and said I was outside, she panicked and was like, I have to do this right now. Which if she just said, I forgot, I would’ve been like, don’t worry. Yes. If we

Ivette Bracken: would’ve known, like it wasn’t just, oh, I don’t have, anything booked, but it’s actually not done.

even after that, you are so understanding. I was shocked. I saw everything happen. okay, late stress is going up. she’s. In the bath, you can feel the tension. Your stress level’s going up. Oh my gosh. Your dress, your wedding dress is covered in blood stress is like up at the top.

But then once I like talked to her, you talked to her. I think your mom too maybe. I can’t really remember, but I feel like your stress level was going down and then I feel like at the end of it, did you hug her or is that my imagination?

Christa Innis: Yeah. So you hugged

Ivette Bracken: her?

Christa Innis: I could tell she was so like embarrassed cause I feel like there’s people on the internet that like here, oh, you’re an empath, blah, blah, blah.

But like I can sense, and some people out there might agree, they might call me weird, whatever. But when there’s tension or I can tell someone’s trying to hold in. if they’re upset, I can sense it. I swear to God it’s like a sixth sense. I just felt like I believe that. Yeah. So even when she got like the spots, she got most of the spots out.

She was spraying it and then I finally tried it on, right? So I’m staying in the mirror and she’s doing her normal thing. But you can tell like she’s holding back tears. Like I could tell and this poor woman, like you could tell she does not do this normally. She kept saying, I’ve never done this before.

I’ve been in business for this long, I’ve never done this before. I’m so sorry. Kept saying sorry. we’ve all been in shitty positions where like we either forget something or we mess up something, we’re late to something. we’ve all done that. And so like I could tell even when she was looking at the dress and I was standing on the podium or whatever you wanna call it, she was like holding back tears.

And I think she felt so embarrassed. And so then when we were booking the next appointment, she was like shaking. I remember seeing her hand shake ’cause she was so embarrassed. And I go, Hey, it’s okay. I was like, it’s fine. we are good. You did a great job. And I was like, can I hug you? And I was like, I remember that.

Ivette Bracken: I don’t even know what she said, I was like teary-eyed I feel like the tears coming right now because no bride does that. just says so much about your character and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.

But no, seriously, It’s your wedding dress. Every little girl dreams about getting married and like having the perfect dress and you have a situation and at the end of it, instead of, taking your dress, going somewhere else, you’re being like, I better get this for free. none of that. It was, Hey, you did a great job.

And I remember you asked her for a hug and she was like, yes. And I saw you guys hugging and I remember looking at your mom and we were both like, just so moved by that. And it was just so sweet to see and yeah, such a good story. And when we left, there was still blood on the dress. Like you said that she cleaned it all up.

She didn’t get it all off. there was still blood on the dress. Do you remember that? A lot of spots, I think. Yes.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I think ’cause I was just like. Why, and I don’t know where this comes from, but I’m like, why make someone feel worse? she probably feels terrible right now that she like messed up or forgot or, she’s so embarrassed because I read these stories with these bridezillas and honestly, most stories that get sent to me aren’t bridezilla stories.

They’re mostly like family related, whatever. but you read them and you’re like, why make someone feel bad for a mistake or an accident or I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, I know you have two and it’s like you’ve seed stuff like that too. People are terrible to people in the service industry.

People are terrible to anyone that’s just trying to help them out. And I’m like, I would feel awful leaving knowing that she was crying because of that situation. I want her to be like, no. I’m still your customer. you’re busy. You do a great job. I obviously came to you because you were recommended by me.

I’m not gonna leave like a bad review or anything. The dress ended up looking gorgeous. I loved that dress. I still love it. there’s so many heightened emotions around weddings and I feel like it’s so easy to lose your cool. Of course, like you hear about it all the time, but you to remember like the people you’re working with are human too.

Like they’re allowed to make this. Yeah, absolutely.

Ivette Bracken: Yeah. I’ll never forget it. Yeah, I knew, I was like, no, she hugged her. I remember she asked for a hug,

Christa Innis: and honestly, that’s I shouldn’t say out of my character to ask someone for a hug, like a stranger. I know Something came over me and I was just like, she really needs a hug right now.

cause I just, I remember just seeing her handshake as she was like writing the next appointment and I go, Hey, it’s okay. We’re fine. yeah. Wedding day will be great. honestly. And she was like so sweet and she was like, send me pictures of the dress and, all that.

yeah, I don’t know.

Ivette Bracken: I just, she probably went home that day to liketell her family and then she probably said how great you were. And I can’t believe it. She hugged me at the I felt so bad. And, thank God she was a good bride, like a sweet person. yeah,

Christa Innis: I don’t know.

she was great. I mean, I feel like there’s a few groomsmen in her wedding that went to her and Bridesmaids. ’cause I was like, go to her. She’s great. She’s local for some of us and yeah, she was awesome.

Serving Looks & Shaking Up Tradition

I am Katie. I am a queer fashion stylist, and I mostly do weddings and non-traditional weddings, because there’s no process for finding non-traditional wedding attire, or wedding attire that isn’t like a suit or a dress. I got started because I got engaged and I identify as somewhere in between, female and non-binary. It just depends on the moment. and not like I wake up one day and I’m non-binary and I wake up one day and I’m a woman. It’s just like I don’t care to do the soul searching is the moment,

Katie Kons: but in my day to day, I love wearing dresses and skirts, so when I got engaged I was like really into wedding dresses and I got really into the whole wedding fashion scene. But what became super apparent to me was there is. Nothing outside of wedding dresses for anyone outside of white wedding dresses for anyone that was non-traditional at all.

And there were just no options. None. And the thing is, all the wedding dresses were the same too. There were like 10 different styles and there were like 10 variations of those 10 styles and that’s it. And there were not even non-traditional white wedding dresses. It was so crazy to me.

‘ cause to find the non-traditional white wedding dresses, they were like, on Etsy that you had to order From across the earth, like you couldn’t try them on. It’s just so weird. It was such a weird thing to me. Anyways, I got really frustrated because there were no even pants or jumpsuits at the wedding shops in town, and.

Suit shops were obviously only for people who were like strictly traditional men. And there was like in between and there was no color anywhere mostly. And it was just like nothing. And so I loved the wedding dress situation. And I just started learning about wedding dresses a lot.

But I started posting on TikTok because I started to get into like content creation at the time. and so I started, wanting to help people find their non-traditional wedding attire. And so that’s how I got into it, is I got into it myself and then I got into wanting to help people ’cause I realized that they didn’t have it.

they didn’t have a means of finding it. And also there wasn’t a lot of it, so that made it. Twice as hard. And so that’s how I started is I started in wedding fashion and now I do wedding fashion styling. So I help you throughout the journey of finding your wedding attire and also styling the accessories and all the little details of your wedding outfit.

And then I also do personal styling the side, and I do some red carpet styling, event styling as well, just like to a much smaller scale than the other two things. and yeah, I do a lot of things because I just take on things that I wanna do and I don’t really say no unless I really don’t wanna do it.

Christa Innis: yeah. When you say non-traditional wedding dress, and you’re talking about like jumpsuits, I remember. was engaged and I was like starting to plan into my wedding, my friends all know me. Like when I was a bridesmaid, I love a good jumpsuit. Like, so for like three weddings I was in, I wore a jumpsuit.

Good. Because looked like kind of dresses. So it looked like uniform, especially like a palazzo pant or something where the wide leg was flowy. Yes. I loved it. and then you’re on the dance floor and you’re like, I can do my thing. you can do the splits, you can do whatever you want.

Yeah. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits that night, I would be okay. but I remember seeing a lot of the bridal jumpsuits starting to come out more and more. I wore one to my rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding. So when you say untraditional wedding dress, what kind are you looking for personally or do you look for brides or couples getting married, that come to you for that kind of unique look?

Katie Kons: Yeah. So the reason I say I’m like a queer wedding fashion stylist is because there’s no one that tailors their services to the queer community. And I don’t want to be exclusive of other non-traditional people that want these kinds of services, but I know that there’s no one else that, actually tailors their services to the queer community.

And I think that’s important, especially in this time, day and age, when queer people are just being targeted left and right, to take a step back, I think the attire that is non-traditional is more like the drama of a dress, but the comfort of pants,

Like you just described, a jumpsuit is gonna give you the mobility and the freedom to do what you want but you get the, the prettiness of make a dress, and I think a lot of people when they come to me is they’re like, I want the drama moment of a dress, meaning I want a train, meaning I want the details and I want the like princess or prince or something where it’s I want the grandeur of that.

Christa Innis: but I don’t want to be in that level of femininity of a dress.

Yeah. Because

Katie Kons: they feel secure in pants.

Christa Innis: Yeah. love, and I think

Katie Kons: a lot more people do feel secure in pants than dresses.

Yeah. But suits are just out of the fucking question for a lot of people,

yes. Especially ’cause the options for suits or Traditional man suits, which are like, fucking boxy as shit. And then there’s like women’s suits, which are like business suits that you wear to corporate events.

And then there’s the other accessible suits you find out fast fashion places, there’s no like good accessible suits for women that are like quality shit that you can just find. Yeah. I don’t know, like where would you even look for that? I’m like, off the top of my head, I don’t even have an answer.

And I’m a fashion stylist that makes me so angry.

Christa Innis: this says I had to uninvite half of my friends to make room for my mother-in-law’s tennis buddies. No. What? Whose wedding is it?

Lisa P: Oh my God. I call it they’re gonna stop talking to the mother-in-law like five years down the road.

Yeah. Like altogether. No way. That’s insane.

Christa Innis: That sounds and I’m obviously reading between the lines, but that sounds like a mother-in-law that was maybe paying for part of it or something, and she used that as a way to control the wedding because I see the make room like you had to, who said

Lisa P: you had to.

Yeah, that’s definitely, that’s a manipulation like that. I don’t love that. I don’t either. I feel like is probably gonna go bye-bye for a little while.

Christa Innis: Yeah. we need to say no. Set some boundaries with that mother-in-law. okay. This last one says, I joked I wanted pockets on my wedding dress for getaway money.

Deep down, I think I knew it was true. Oh. The number of times people have confessed to me like, I had a feeling, before the wedding. I told my dad I didn’t wanna get married before the wedding, and I still did. I’ve gotten so many of those.

Lisa P: I had a

Christa Innis: friend do that to me. Really?

Lisa P: Yes. I knew before they got married that she did not really want to start all over is like how she put it.

I don’t know. I took that to my grave. We don’t really speak anymore, and that is not my business. And they’re still married, so sometimes

Christa Innis: it works out. Oh, see, I was gonna say the opposite happened to me. and I’ve talked about this before, but I was in a wedding years ago and every wedding event there was some kind of thing, and it was with him, every kind of thing.

she like cried in the car after the bachelorette party. She cried in the car. Oh, yeah. After the rehearsal. All these different things. And I was just like. Hey, should we rethink this? Oh, I, we already paid the vendors. I’m like, yeah, but divorce is way more expensive.

Lisa P: Oh God no. Yeah, no.

If there’s a doubt in your mind on the person, I feel like I. You’ve gotta cut and run. getting divorced is so much more traumatic. It’s so much more expensive. God forbid you like, have a bunch of kids. no. If it’s not right so on my page I talk a lot about, and I’m very happily married, that like marriage should not be this like.

Default standard that people are trying to hit. Because when you get 12 years in a marriage and you’re, most people my age got married somewhere around the same time I did. You see a lot of divorces by now. Okay. We’re starting to have that first round of divorce A is coming through and it’s God, what a wait.

Not a lot of waste because a lot of them have children and that’s like the wonderful thing that came out of it. you don’t have to get married You could end up really miserable like in so many ways. And that’s it’s just not something that, if you can in any way, imagine your life without that person, not without a spouse, but without that specific person.

Don’t do it. a hundred percent. Especially if you’re a woman.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah, totally. And I always have this too, like I’ve been with my husband, I think we’re going on 11 years this year. But we’ve been married three. And so like for us it I totally agree with you what you just said about you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.

So many people were constantly like, when are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I was like, we do things on our own timeline and I just feel So many people have their own expectations on everyone else, and especially as women, I feel like we have the expectations of okay, I need to do this, then I need to get married.

I need to have a baby. you feel like you have to follow this timeline.

Lisa P: Yeah. And it feels like a rushed timeline at the moment. and I feel pre to that too. I was like, oh, I wanna have two by 30 and like I did, but. now looking back at it, I’m like, you idiot. you should have just been like, find the right person and then figure it out.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know. I remember if it were just like my then boyfriend, but husband and I,doing our own thing.we’d be like totally fine and then someone would bring up oh, are you guys gonna get married? And I would be like, do I wait? Are we doing something wrong?

And it almost puts us like, not like guilt, but this feeling of you of like.Wait, are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship, because we’re just dating right now, is that wrong? And you start getting this no, because half

Lisa P: of the men in divorces anyway, so Yeah.

Marriage isn’t the great indicator of like lifelong companionship anymore. and like

Christa Innis: too our, like our parents’ generation, I feel like they were so committed to like marriage that like they stayed. unhappily married for so long without actually admitting I actually hate this.

Oh, they wrong

Lisa P: gold stars for it too. They’re like, we’ve been married 35 years. I hate Jeff, but he lives in the other bedroom, but we’ve been married this long. And I’m like, but why? What kind of award are you winning here? I know some people have the whole like, divorce is a sin thing, but like you’re already in hell.

Yeah. Yeah. I don’t see the point in that like a relationship should only be there to enhance your already wonderful life. And if it doesn’t do that, then it’s not worth it. And feel the same way about kids too. I feel like the relationships that I see with people who don’t have kids by choice, obviously there’s People who have extenuating circumstances where they can’t have children, but people who choose not to have kids, I feel like they have this like gift of time to like really find their perfect partner.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisa P: they usually choose better.

Mm-hmm.They get to choose somebody that they truly just wanna spend all their time with, as opposed to people who do the musical chairs type of marriage, where they’re like,it’s been three years since college.

Like,I guess you’re the guy.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Lisa P: Yeah. Yeah. I guess you’re the person I’m with right now. So musical chairs, let’s do it. let’s get married. Timelines are ticking, I feel like it saddles us down. yeah. In a.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s definitely another thing as women we’re like told that the biological clock is ticking, you need to have kids hurry up.

My husband and I since year, one of dating, when are you guys gonna have kids? And I was like, I’m not even thinking about kids. Or what are you talking about? and I like look back and I’m like, if I had kids when we had started dating, I was like, I would’ve been a completely different.

Ma Um, I would’ve been in completely different financial point in my life and I and not saying that’s right or wrong, I’m just saying everyone’s timeline is different. ‘ cause I know people had kids at in their early twenties and they are thriving and they were meant to be moms at that point.

But I just feel like it’s so important to listen to your own timeline. ‘ cause I have friends now that are like,

Lisa P: this new generation is doing a lot better than like we were as millennials. Yeah. I feel like the younger girls are like, really? Coming to the table with the head on the shoulders a little bit more without the fairytale movie, prince Princess aspect that we were sold.

Christa Innis: Yes. I love that. Yeah. I’ve noticed like the shift in the movies, especially with my daughter being she’s two and I feel like.The movies have shifted. Obviously there’s still the fairytale, but I’m like, let’s watch Moana because she’s like brave and or Meredith, she doesn’t need a man. I try to show her some different things because of course we still love the classics, but it’s good to open the horizons up a little bit.

Lisa P: Yeah, definitely. I mean, my daughtershe still very much knows she wants to get married and have kids like I knew from a young age. So I don’t like balk at that. some people just really have that desire. but she still is like,maybe I’ll be president and a dance teacher.

And I’m like, you go, you do both. I love that. Yes, you both.

Christa Innis: Stop you, girl. I love that.

Yeah.

Rebecca Rogers: going back to what you said early at the beginning, like COVID in general I think changed how I view everything, whether it be myself, whether it be, the world people, because in reality, like I’ve always been an extrovert, but I used to be much more reserved and self-conscious and social media, the classroom was really where I could be silly and be myself and just, whatever.

And then when social media accidentally took off, I learned, oh, I can be myself. And people don’t hate it. That’s cool. And that’s where I found my voice, not just with myself, but with people also. being able to step into my true skin really helped me. I. Advocate for myself, set boundaries, all be more picky about who I allowed in my life and not.

and of course we’re all works in progress. We all have ways to go. I’m still a people pleaser. I’m still a doormat, but I’m definitely not as bad as I used to be.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I know, I totally agree with you. Yeah. The people pleaser the thing where I’m better at saying no. Now if something, if I like don’t have time or I just can’t do it, I still have that guilt though.

I’ll be like, are they gonna think I’m a bad person or a bad friend? And then my husband will be like, no, They literallys not a second thought. it’s okay. yeah, it’s interesting how you’re ingrained in that. But I always call myself a recovering people pleaser.

‘ cause I’m like, I’m actively working against it and telling myself exactly. But I think my like immediate filter is better at reading people now. I had a thing happen where, someone that I had met years ago, and I wanna be very vague.

Someone I had met years ago, and the time that I met her, she was not very friendly or kind. Okay. Okay. But since she had seen videos of mine on TikTok and when she bumped into me immediately asking how I could help her and was like, oh, my thing like over here and asking me all these questions, she’s I’ll send you a message on TikTok right now because I’d really like to know how I can do this.

I was at an appointment, I was somewhere and I was like, okay. And I came home and my husband, I was like, I have no intention of messaging her back. Because I could tell it was for all the wrong reasons. She Yeah, exactly. Just I felt like very used and like icky after it.

And she’s yes. So loudly so people could hear and like being like asking about personal things and I was just like, I sorry. M’s. Not interested in that. I know people are gonna be like listening and being like, Christa’s all over the place today.

Rebecca Rogers: Longest episode ever. No, I love this ’cause I’m all over the place and so she’s really just mirroring me.

It’s my fault guys. It’s fine. I

Christa Innis: love it. actually no, people have said I wish the episodes were longer, so it’s okay if it’s a little bit longer.

Oh,you brought the right guest. Yeah. Yeah. Me. we really could sit and just talk forever. We could. that’s my favorite thing. Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead. go ahead. No, you’re good. I was just gonna say, I barely, other than my husband and my daughter, and then if we randomly go do things, like they are who I see, like I work from home, so if I have a call, I see someone. So that’s why I’m like, the podcast is a great way to chat with people.

Rebecca Rogers: ’cause I’m like, yeah, it really is this job. People don’t realize how isolating this job really is. ’cause in reality, we’re like sitting at home alone, talking to ourselves and yeah, we post it for a lot of people, but we don’t have that human interaction. I always say, and I think I probably said this to you when we were together in Chicago, is that.

There’s so many different types of personalities that do well on social media. and when you find the people that have the similar one to yours, it’s like the most validating and wonderful feeling. And I’m like, I wanna talk to them all day long. It’s, and it’s it’s the best feeling because even in days or moments where you feel self-conscious, it’s like, But I found the people who get me and yeah, it’s beautiful and it feels good.

Christa Innis: It’s like the best feeling ever. Yeah. No, definitely. an industry and heart and hard to explain sometimes. For sure.

Rebecca Rogers: Yeah. Yeah.

Generational Reflections on Relationships

Paige Connell: I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t hate men.

I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and. I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that. Like I actually am a person on the internet who says, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.

And so it’s worth trying to get them there. but most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And this mostly comes from men.

Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. but those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah. I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.

Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?

But I think are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the pushback or have to carry more of that mental load.

Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And.

one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.

’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, what did I see growing up?

What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.

So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer. For their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.

Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? the moms are there. we talk about that.

Christa Innis: yes,

Paige Connell: the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.

We, very different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. we would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm.so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. yeah,have to be hands-on with the toddler.

Likethere’s no other version of parenthood. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we

truly value.

Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.

Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.

Paige Connell: The best

Christa Innis: dad. She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by himself. I’m like. he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stayat home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you saw them for dinner time.

the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like,something’s shifting.

Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.

And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without pushback. Obviously, when you’re talking about deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good everyone. For sure.

Paige Connell: I agree.

Plot Twist: When Life Says ‘Let’s Add Drama’

Christa Innis: You know how people say you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love? That was us until life taught us otherwise. We met in the mid nineties, in our early twenties and clicked instantly. Within a few months, we were living together.

The next year we experienced a miscarriage, and not long after I was pregnant again, our Rainbow baby was born the following spring. By the end of that year, we bought a house together, and still we had no plans to marry. We were anti traditional and didn’t think a marriage certificate mattered. Then everything changed.

In the summer of 2000, my partner was riding his motorcycle and was hit at full speed while making a legal turn. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for three weeks. Oh my gosh. His helmet saved his life, but it was a long road ahead because we weren’t legally married.

His mother stepped in and told the doctors she was next of kin. This is, oh my gosh. Wow. Oh my God, this is so bad. This is terrible. she explicitly told them not to speak to me. this is like something that’s so complicated that I never would’ve even thought about.

Kate Gray: Wow. yeah, we just

Christa Innis: automatically assume your partner for that long.

Having kids together, That’s your person you like

Kate Gray: earned your right? Yeah. In all in their eyes too. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. she said I understood she was heartbroken, but I had been his partner for years. We shared a home, we were raising a toddler, and yet I was completely shut out. Wow. Oh my gosh. She even looked me dead in the eye and said, you’re just the mother of his child.

Oh. This is probably one of the tragic stories I’ve read on here. that sentence has never left me. Yeah. A single piece of paper would’ve spared me so much pain. Thankfully we had an incredible nurse who saw what was really going on. I showed proof that we lived together and she let me sneak our son into the ICU to see his dad.

So the grandma was even keeping son away sounds like,

Kate Gray: oh my gosh.

Christa Innis: Within four days, he woke up. I truly believe that visit made a difference. The bond between them has only grown stronger since. Eventually he came home and made an incredible recovery. About 95% of who he was before the accident.

I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal. Oh. So this is interesting ’cause it relates to what we were talking about, about like protecting your partner. But this is like the opposite way. So she’s almost protecting him from his own mother.

What’s her take on that? cause I am, I’m also wondering how involved this grandma is in their life. Yeah.

Kate Gray: For

Christa Innis: and be like, no, I’m the next of kin.

Kate Gray: Yeah, exactly. My, I have a lot of questions. I’m like, If they didn’t get married, then there wasn’t a wedding and there wasn’t this family event.

This I don’t know how much that matters, but like basically she wasn’t necessarily included in their formal relationship.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering what their relationship was like before, How involved she was, how not involved, what her relationship was like with her son. so that’s what I have just context.

Kate Gray: I want context to that. But you wanna demonize the mother-in-law in these situations, like it’s easy to say, oh my gosh, what a terrible person. How could she do this and disrespect me like this?

And I wonder, again, that’s like zooming out. Is this a pattern where she like the.

partner doesn’t share things with him to protect him. And is this just another thing, part of that, when this is something that he definitely needs to know?

they definitely need to figure out together.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because I feel like that would be my thought. Like I understand her concern with being like, you know what, let’s just focus on him healing.

But yeah, then I would also be like, what if something happens? Like where,

Kate Gray: yeah,

Christa Innis: he has a stroke. I don’t know. Just you think like something happens where like another life altering event. course you would hope like nothing happens after that, but like things happen and then you’d be like, okay, how can I protect myself now I wanna talk to him because.

I wanna make sure we’re like on the same page moving forward or something.

Kate Gray: Yeah. Wait, did she say that she didn’t tell him any of this? Is that what she said?

Christa Innis: So there’s still a little bit more, but she said so far, I didn’t tell him what happened while he was in the hospital. I just wanted him to heal.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait. And then right after it says, so I didn’t read this yet, but once he was well enough to return to work, we started making secret wedding plans. Oh. Oh, okay. okay, let’s see where this goes. Okay. It says, we hosted a backyard barbecue that December. A few close friends and family knew it was more than just a cookout, but most didn’t.

Okay. So they did a surprise, oh my gosh. Wedding. Most didn’t including his mother.

Kate Gray: I, oh wait, his, so his mom didn’t know. Didn’t know that it was a secret wedding.

Christa Innis: Okay. I have so many thoughts now because I’m like, okay, was their relationship with the mom always bad or if the mom always made it clear that she did not like her, because now it’s I’m not gonna tell you what happened.

So you talk to your mom, we’re gonna have this wedding.

Kate Gray: Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think retaliation basically, which like,

Christa Innis: obviously they’re gonna get married anyway, so I don’t want ’em to think I’m thinking that, but I’m just like, oh. She’s you did that to me while my husband watch

Kate Gray: this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Watch this. I’ll prove you. How much he’s my partner.

Kate Gray: or or she just learned from that. this woman is not safe for us to tell anything to, and we need her in a group of people so she’s not acting crazy that when it’s our moment. That’s such a good, that’s who. you can’t make this up.

Like you cannot make this up. It’s wild. This is a wow

Christa Innis: story. Yeah. I’m like picturing it now. And that was such a good point about being aware of okay, how could she act out if it was just us?

This way she’s gonna maybe, hopefully be on her best behavior. ‘ cause certain people like that aren’t gonna put on a show.

they might, some people might.

Kate Gray: But if they did, there’s witnesses now.

Christa Innis: Yes,

Kate Gray: man. we’re

Christa Innis: not the crazy ones. It’s not us. Yeah, exactly. Like now you see Yeah. Yeah. This is what we’re dealing with. Oh my gosh. oh, here we go. Okay. She had no idea it was a wedding until the cake came out.

She was livid. Oh my gosh. Oh. A year or so later, we paid off all of her debts and helped her move out. Move out. Wait. Was the mom living with them? Did I miss something? Oh,

Kate Gray: because that would be crazy if the mom was living with them and she didn’t know they were getting married.

Christa Innis: Yeah. if the mom was living with them, how long was she living with them for that she then blocked out.

I’m so confused. Oh my gosh. because it says best decision we ever made because they paid off her debts and helped her move out, so she was living with them.

Kate Gray: Oh wait. Helped her move out, wait. Paid off her debts and helped her move out. Yeah. Moved out of where? That’s the question.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It says our relationship with her stayed strained for over a decade.

She passed away in 2014, and since then life has been calm, happy, and drama free. Now we’re planning our 25th wedding anniversary, and this time it won’t be a surprise to anyone. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. That is

Kate Gray: a wild story. Wow. I’m feeling a lot of things about that.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

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Weddings: Where Chaos Meets Champagne

Serving Looks & Shaking Up Tradition

Generational Reflections on Relationships

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