friendship breakup

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Ever felt like saying no to being a bridesmaid? Lisandra Vazquez spills the raw truth about why she’s done with being in wedding parties… forever.

From destination weddings she never even made it to, to the awkward aftermath when friends cut ties, Lisandra and Christa unpack the messy side of adult friendships, money guilt, and wedding obligations no one talks about.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to go broke for someone else’s big day, grab your headphones. You’re not alone and this episode is your permission slip to protect your peace.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

03:38 Navigating the Content Creation World

08:01 Astrology and Personal Insights

11:28 Hot Takes and Personal Opinions

17:59 Rapid Fire Wedding Scenarios

20:21 Mother-in-Law Drama Unfolds

27:45 Cutting Guests for Extra Invites

27:59 Questioning the Bride’s Age and Maturity

28:57 Mother-in-Law’s Abusive Behavior

29:14 Cultural and Religious Expectations

30:39 Sabotaging the Wedding Rehearsal

31:08 Mother-in-Law’s Cold Behavior on Wedding Day

37:11 Counseling and Setting Boundaries

40:14 Confessions from Social Media

40:25 Bachelorette Party Expectations

44:19 Family Dynamics and Boundaries

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• Why Bridesmaids Aren’t Worth It After 30 – Lisandra explains why mature friendships shouldn’t hinge on expensive bridal obligations.
• When Destination Weddings Become Too Much – The shocking story of how a canceled flight ended a friendship for good.
• People-Pleasing Vs. Boundaries – Christa and Lisandra talk people-pleasing, saying no, and being okay with losing friends over it.
• Bridal Labor Or Emotional Support? – How some bridesmaids feel more like unpaid labor than guests.
• Hot Takes On Outdated Traditions – Garter tosses, group chats, and destination showers—Lisandra says what we’re all thinking.
• Real Talk: It’s Okay To Walk Away – How standing up for your time, money, and sanity saves friendships worth keeping.
• Comedy, Culture & Creative Hustle – Lisandra shares her creative journey from acting to stand-up and finding her voice online.
• Permission To Protect Your Peace – Christa and Lisandra wrap with empowering advice for anyone feeling stuck in wedding guilt.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

• “Sometimes the trash takes itself out—no RSVP needed.” – Christa Innis
• “I love being a bridesmaid… but I’m done. My thirties changed everything.” – Christa Innis
• “There’s no friendship worth going broke for.” – Christa Innis
• “People hear ‘party plan by Christa’ and think it’s just weddings—but it’s so much deeper.” – Christa Innis
• “It’s your wedding, not your bridal party’s unpaid labor camp.” – Christa Innis
• “If you really love your friends, don’t ask them to be bridesmaids.” – Lisandra Vazquez
• “Sometimes a bridesmaid dress costs more than my rent—I’m not doing that again.” – Lisandra Vazquez
• “This too shall pass, good or bad. It keeps me grateful and sane.” – Lisandra Vazquez
• “Hot girls are gonna do hot girl stuff—get over it!” – Lisandra Vazquez
• “At this point in my life, it’s a no for me, dog.” – Lisandra Vazquez

About Lisandra

Lisandra is a Puerto Rican-born, Atlanta-based stand up comedian, actor, activist, and creator. With a background in acting and improv, Lisandra’s high-energy yet dry storytelling point of view is based on her experiences as a Latina millennial, her take on pop culture, politics, and more. She is a regular at the Laughing Skull Lounge and has performed all over the country.

She has opened for Aida Rodriguez, Dulcé Sloan, Lace Larrabee, and other touring comics.

She has worked with organizations like Climate Power, Generation180, GasLeaks, and more.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Lisandra, thank you so much. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to talk to you. I think you’re hilarious. First of all, I love your content and I was just thrilled when you said you would come on. ’cause I was like, I feel like we could have a lot of fun. You are. Have fun. Yeah. before we get started, can you just tell everyone a little bit about yourself? and I feel like there’s just so much to know. I know you’re a comedian, you’re, hilarious. So a little more about that.

Lisandra Vasquez: I’m from Puerto Rico. I was born there, lived there till I was eight, and then we moved from there to Ohio of all places. and we bopped around a little bit. Lived there for five years in Florida.

I lived in LA for a while and now I’m in Atlanta. So that’s like the shortest version of it all. I’ve been working as like an artist and performer like, I knew I wanted to perform. be an actor and stuff like that when I was like straight out of, well, and even in high school when I was a kid.

But you don’t do that in our culture. You just kind of get a job and like, you find, like my mom’s a doctor. like, they grew up poor. a lot of immigrant families will do that where you, like a creative job isn’t a real job. Mm-hmm. And so, but I’m like, I just always kinda had a sense that like, well, I’m still gonna do what I wanna do.

 but you know, so I’ve, been working in the creative world for a really long time in different aspects of it. I’ve done everything. I’ve worked in front of the camera, behind the camera. I’ve assisted people and especially in LA like I have a degree in art ‘ cause I went back to school.

From Puerto Rico to Stand-Up Stages

And uh, ’cause I quit school when, in Florida, when I was like almost done, because I got, I booked a movie. And I was like, well, I don’t need this anymore. Yes. See you suckers. I had like, I had like one year left too. It was like, oh my God, I had enough, enough credit. but I was like, well, for me, I was like, school’s always gonna be there.

Yeah. I don’t wanna be here Anyway, so I was like, bye. I got my SAG card and then I moved with my boyfriend at the time and a couple friends to LA and then I did end up going back to school ’cause my agent kept telling me I was fat. Um, Oh my gosh. It was a different, it was a different time.

 but it turned out to be, I mean, in hindsight everything always turns out to be a blessing. Right? Right. but because I went to a school that was really well suited for me, Cal Arts, and I was supposed to be there I got in as a transfer student ‘ cause I had credits from before.

A very hard school to get into. But I got in they wanted me to be there for three years. because that’s how long they require somebody to be there, to get a degree from them. I ended up only doing two years there because I applied for grade level adjustments.

And so it was really, I worked my butt off to earn those. But I did graduate in two years. and then from there I worked as a photographer. and then I didn’t get back until like, performing until 2019.

and then started getting to stand up and now, I was created content for other people for a long time.

I don’t know if you’ve ’cause like I think a lot of us start, the content game by where you can start making money immediately in the content creation world. And because I’m like, I know I’m good at it, but it’s by having somebody else pay you mm-hmm. To do their content for them. Mm-hmm. So I was doing, during the pandemic, I focus a lot on like creating like.

 that content that I can make content so then I could get hired. And then as soon as I got filled my books up, I stopped doing that. I stopped advertising that. Yeah. And then I worked, for other people for a long time, making content, making memes and stuff like that. but eventually that just like during my soul, cause I was always doing standup and all my stuff on the side, but there I wasn’t able to give it enough Right.

Use, if you will. I had been posting comedy stuff on my own TikTok for a while, but then around the time of the election and I was always kind of hesitant to talk about my political beliefs. Mm-hmm. And, Especially with like women in comedy.

Like people are like, oh, don’t talk about that. Just talk about X, Y, or Z. Yeah. But then the moment that I started talking about it and actually just being honest and just being more authentic to who I am and what I would talk to you about in person and what people know me as, that started resonating with people online.

And then I just started, it just gave me more and more permission to be more myself. Mm-hmm. And thank God, like for the platforms that we have that are able to like connect us with the people that appreciate mm-hmm. our voice. Yeah. and so I feel eternally grateful to that. And so it’s like, it’s been encouraging to get a, positive response to the weird way that my brain works.

so long story, but that’s kind of like the long and the short of like how one gets from like. There’s no direct, path Yes. To something to get to anywhere where we are in life. Especially when you’re not like a pharmacist, you know what I mean? Where there’s like, okay, I went to school, I did this and that.

There’s, some career path, right? Going up the ladder, some career paths that are far more simple than the ones that just are unique. So that’s, it’s hard to describe how one gets to a path to especially, you know, like we all have different stories, but it’s all there.

Christa Innis: Yes. No, but I love the story of like, the journey of like how you get to a certain place, because it’s always kind of like you set out, like for this path and you do, your steps and it never works out that way. It’s like this opportunity comes up and then you’re like in a slump for a little bit and then you kind of move around.

You’re just kinda like. We’ll see what happens.

Celebrate Wins or Risk Losing Them

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. and like the, I was just thinking about this today because like, this has the, my been, always been, my mantra is that this too shall pass. Mm-hmm. Because, and I mean that with the good things and the bad things. Yeah.

So every time it, really helps me fit in the gratitude when things are good. Mm-hmm. And also know that the bad things are gonna go, this will pass, this will pass, this will pass. I know because like, I had a really bad year one, like two years ago. It was so bad. And then things started getting better.

And today I had like, I’m having this call with you. I was talking with my manager, I have a manager now. and then I was on the phone with, I don’t know how much I can say, but it’s like a, group, for a representative that I’m helping craft a bill. That’s amazing.

Right. And so what, that’s insane. Mm-hmm. Right. I’m so grateful for these opportunities that I’ve been, because I opened my big mouth. and I’ve said it in a way that resonates. Now I’m able to advocate for people like me. Mm-hmm. Make a change. Make a change, and actually getting these conversations and talk about, hey, the problems that I face, the things that I, in, like in our generation that we haven’t been, that we’ve kind of been duped on.

Like the, just the ability to be able to speak to my experience that’s different from the people that have come before. and I don’t take that for granted at all. So today I was like, oh my God, this is amazing, but also this too shall pass. Yes. Like, so I need to, to be really grateful of this moment and really like, celebrate it.

Christa Innis: No, I love that you said that because I feel like I’m so quick to like be onto the next thing. And I dunno if it’s that like creative mindset, do you get it? Like it’s just like you’re like trying to always go to the next thing. And even my like husband will be like sit down and like relax and I’m like, I have to do that next thing.

Like I don’t know where that comes from, but it’s like it’s true. It’s like this whole past, like, can we absorb it? Your sign, sorry, what’d you say?

Lisandra Vasquez: Your sign. Virgo, your astro. See my dog. My Clark. I’m a Virgo too.

Christa Innis: Are you? Oh my God. Virgo. We could make this a astrology podcast episode because I freaking love talking about astrology.

When’s your birthday? August 28th.

Lisandra Vasquez: August 20. I’m the 23rd. I’m like zero degrees Virgo Miash. No ma’am. she wants to talk astrology. well see, she’s a Sagittarius, so she’s a free spirit. that’s my moon sign. That’s my moon as well. yeah, I have Virgo Sun, Virgo Rising Sag Moon.

Christa Innis: I am a Libra rising. So that’s the people pleaser. People

Lisandra Vasquez: pleaser in you. And I’m just still

Christa Innis: see, and I, always like attach myself to people that are like, I dunno what sign it would be, but like the more like rugged, like they tell it like it is because I’m like, I aspire to be that. But I like, I still am like, Hey, do you like me?

Okay. Please love me. Yeah. But yeah. Okay. So it’s that Virgo thing, like the perfectionist, like always striving to the next thing. And I don’t think I discovered that though until like I was definitely not like that in school. ‘ cause I was not like, let we get all A’s. I was not like that. But I always wanted to try things.

Yeah. I think

Lisandra Vasquez: that for. I wasn’t necessarily that way either in school where I wasn’t like, oh, I need to get a straight A. But I do feel like, and my, siblings, I have five siblings, I have two half siblings, but then, my two siblings that grew up in the house with me, were all Virgos. Oh my gosh.

 and my mom’s a Virgo too, so I think I know what a crazy thing. but I think what we all have is a really good compass and a like, a drive that I don’t see in everybody. And it’s just likea self-determination that people are like, why do you, why are you so like, I don’t know.

We just have like a, our own standard. I see that a lot in Beyonce. that’s who I, every time I see Beyonce, I’m just like, girl, you’re just like me. Except for your game. Yes. Oh my God. Your fiance. but you know.

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh. I feel like I’m like meeting a soul sister. I feel like it’s so hard to explain to my husband and I’m like, no, like you don’t understand.

Like, I need it this way and I need to do the next thing, but I’m gonna remember that, that this cell too shall pass in good moments because I don’t take the time to absorb it. And especially like the industry now, that we’re, kind of, I don’t really know how it works. Like we’re all both on social media, but it’s different kind of industries, I guess.

But it’s like the industry, it’s like it moves fast. It’s like all of a sudden this opportunity can come and it can go. so it’s like everything you have to like absorb those good moments. And I feel like I’m so quick to be like, all right, cool. That was great. I gotta keep going though. And I don’t stop to be like, this is awesome.

Lisandra Vasquez: Cool. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: So, yeah, because the wins we really do have to learn to celebrate them because if not, then like, I don’t know how woowoo you are, but sometimes I do feel like if we don’t celebrate those wins, then it’s not like, well, in my, because then they don’t wanna keep coming as much.

It’s like with, manifest, uh, I Sure. Levels of manifest. Oh, that’s funny. it’s like when I’m on stage, I do standup comedy. So for me, it’s the same way as training, like the universe. It’s, you’re training an audience not to laugh. If you continue to step on the laugh and you don’t let them continue.

If you don’t let them enjoy the moment. And if you don’t stop, they’ll train themselves to not laugh at you, even though they’re enjoying it. they’ll be like, huh, so then they can listen to what you’re gonna say. Mm-hmm. So that’s how I feel that’s how I’m like, okay, I have to, I can’t step on the universe.

I have to enjoy the moment

Christa Innis: I love that. That’s such a good mantra. And like showing gratitude back. I feel like Yeah, no, I’m, I’m super woowoo. I mean, I shouldn’t say super ’cause they’re super woowoo, but I’m woowoo. But you know, like the right kind of woo. I would like to make, no, I love that.

That that’s a great way to start this episode. I feel like. so I always like to start off with like crazy stories or hot takes. You have a hot take and I feel like we should just like, dive into it.

Bridesmaid Hot Takes & Wedding Party Regrets

Lisandra Vasquez: I think that if you’re really good friends with somebody, you should not ask them to be a bridesmaid. If you actually like your friends bridesmaid, you shouldn’t know, you’re in your thirties especially.

Christa Innis: No, no,

okay. How many times have you been a bridesmaid and how, what was the worst one? If you wanna share or what was like the worst part about being a bridesmaid

Lisandra Vasquez: to you?

The worst part of being a bridesmaid, I’ve been a bridesmaid. Enough times that I have forgotten how many weddings have been. they’ve gotten less in my thirties. But I will say that the worst part of being in asked to be in a wedding is the having the obligations, the financial obligations, and the having to deal with people that are making different decisions than necessarily that I would make.

So like one of the last, like being involved in the group chat. Ugh. The group chat. The group chat. The last, the last wedding that I was asked to be in was a destination wedding, and it was gonna be very expensive mm-hmm. For me to get there. And it was gonna be very hard. and like I could only afford to go for so many days, and then we ended up, actually, I was at the airport with all my stuff and then my flight got canceled.

And then in order to rebook it, because I had to go to another country and then hop a little plane, I would’ve gotten there the day of the ceremony and then had to head back the next day.

Christa Innis: No.

Lisandra Vasquez: I just didn’t go.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: And I felt really bad and then now the bride doesn’t talk to me anymore. but I’m like, listen, you know what

Christa Innis: well, it was kind of not calling your friend.

Well, ex-friend trash, but the trash takes itself out sometimes. or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,

Lisandra Vasquez: and the thing is, I’ve thought about reaching out to her too, but I just also don’t feel like the connection was strong enough between us to really like, go beyond that.

Because I also feel like sometimes with, When you ask somebody to be a bridesmaid, it’s kind of a transaction and you’re asking a lot of that person, not only financially but like emotionally and for them to just be there for you. And there’s a lot of things that you, people require depending on the thing.

But I’ve had people be like, okay, well the expectation was that I showed up there helped with labor of like putting things together and this and that and that. And I’m like, so then you’re required to go and add labor. And sometimes that’s fine and cool, but then other times it’s like, Hey, I’m also like taking time off work, investing money into this and I also would like to be able to relax and enjoy this.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: But, and I understand that for some people we are happy to do that for them. Yes. Like my sister. Yeah. Absolutely. 100%. But I think that the expectation of like, if you’re over 30, there’s people that have jobs, lives, limited budget things that they’re all sa We’re all at this point sacrificing a lot of things to be able to make it here.

And like we all have such and speak for everybody, but limited budgets of time and money to be able to get to these things and to just, unless I will not be in another, I will not accept being in another wedding unless I know I’m just showing up and I’m gonna be there and I’m gonna be able to support.

I’m gonna do that. But yeah, I just never, I’ve seen weddings where people just ask their friends to wear certain colors so that they can be in the pictures. And that’s the vibe.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s what you’re into.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, that’s really a friend. Yeah. Because you’re like, oh, I’m not asking you to plan some sort of a crazy vacation.

‘ cause then there’s like the financial aspect of planning the, bridal shower, the bachelorette party. Yeah, usually. And then, that’s so much money for your decisions.

Christa Innis: Yeah. see, and maybe this is my Libra coming out, you know, we’re talking about Libra people pleaser. I love being a bridesmaid.

However, not anymore. I think I’m done. Like I’ve been in my fair share. I’m well into my thirties now. I don’t foresee anyone else asking me. And if they wanted to, I’d probably be like, I’ll just come as a guest at this point. I had no business, like in my early twenties, being in those weddings, spending that kind of money, no business.

I know you feel guilty saying no, and you’re like, you know, and I was that friend that was like, what do you need help with? Sure. I don’t have a life outside of this. And I would be there for bridal showers. Like I would be paying for like food, you know, like all that stuff. And it’s like, looking back, I’m like, I barely could afford, like, I didn’t even, I still lived with my parents at some of the times.

I still, you know, it was rough,

Lisandra Vasquez: it was bad. And I’m just like. Oh, I’m sacrificing one of them. Yeah. It just like, there’s so much sacrifice, there’s so much time and often it is to fulfill a quota for the bride, for the sides and the pictures and stuff like that. And sometimes it isn’t, but sometimes it is. And you should really think long and hard before you ask people to be bridesmaids. That’s what I’m saying. Yeah. Especially if you’re not 20 in your twenties.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Because I’ve seen my people in their twenties feel like they have like a lot of really close friends and they all wanna do that. But everybody in their thirties I feel like has lives.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was just saying to someone, I’m like, thank God I waited till my thirties to get married. ’cause I feel like if I got married in my twenties, it’d be so different.

Like everyone’s your friend. And I probably, I think we would’ve had double the amount of people. But like when I got married, the only time, I was like, we weren’t into like the pleasing everybody. We were like, we’re making a cut here. This is what we want.

 and I would like to think I was an okay bride to work with, like for all my bridesmaids, I was like, if you don’t wanna come, it’s fine. Like, not to the wedding, but I was like, Hey, if you can’t make the shower, if you can’t make the bachelorette par, I don’t, it’s fine. I won’t hit you.

Come wearing white to my wedding. I literally would not care about that stuff. But I’ve definitely have been asked to be a bridesmaid before where I’m like, oh, they want my help they want me to like get crafty and do stuff for the wedding. then you feel

Lisandra Vasquez: used

Christa Innis: after it and you’re like, oh, they don’t even like wanna, like, they don’t even want my friendship.

They just wanted me as a helper and that I don’t like, yeah,

Lisandra Vasquez: the labor. And so that’s where I’m just like. again, not all bridesmaid situations are created equal, but for the most part it’s a no for me dog. No, I’m not interested. And I also don’t think that you should ask that of people.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I love that hot take because that

Lisandra Vasquez: this economy

Christa Innis: ugh, not in this.

Yes. Oh my gosh. That’s funny. Okay, so I thought before we read the crazy story today, we could do a little rapid fire. So I’m just gonna read two things that like could happen at a wedding or something, and you just pick, pick which one you’d rather. Okay. Here we go. We’re doing something new. We’ve never done this before.

Okay. Caught making out with a groomsman or caught texting your ex on the wedding day.

Lisandra Vasquez: I’d

Christa Innis: rather

Lisandra Vasquez: make out with a groomsman. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Your partner wore a ring from their ex’s proposal, or they forgot to get you a ring at all.

Lisandra Vasquez: When they proposed to me, they forgot to get me a ring in this hypothetical scenario, apparently. I’d rather them forget to get me a ring than to have something from their ex.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: but also like, maybe you should rethink marrying this person. I forgot to get you a fucking ring. Unless they were like really in the moment they asked and they’re like, I don’t even have a ring.

I just wanna ask Right.

Christa Innis: Like a little Yeah. Like a movie where that’s just like right now I have to ask, here’s a little piece of string. Yes. Yeah. Let me tie around your finger. Okay. Hot. Best man with bad intentions or awkward. Best man with a heart of gold.

Lisandra Vasquez: at this point, a heart of gold man.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Wild Bachelor party with photos leaked or steamy.

Dms from a guest. Steamy dms caught hooking up at someone else’s wedding or caught talking trash about the bride. Oh, hooking up. your ex crashes the wedding or gives an emotional

Lisandra Vasquez: toast that I would give an emotional toast, I think, or that he does. That’s a weird one.

 you give an emotional toast. Oh, I’d rather give an emotional toast. Keep him far away.

Christa Innis: Okay, last one. A sexy first dance or a full on magic mike Style Groomsman performance.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, they’re both cringe ew. I guess I’d rather the magic mike thing because it could be funny. than like doing a sexy dance in front of my family. That’s weird. That’s weird. Well, speaking of

Christa Innis: what

Lisandra Vasquez: are your

Christa Innis: thoughts on the garter toss?

Lisandra Vasquez: No, what are we doing?

that. I

Christa Innis: don’t, that is one of my, like, strong, I don’t even know if it’s a hot take anymore because I see, I do like a confession thing every week. Every week. everyone, I would say more people than not say like, no garter toss. Like, that’s so cringey, so weird. I’m happy to see it’s going away.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. it’s

Christa Innis: why I just, why would you want your husband putting his head up your dress during your wedding? I just don’t understand that. No. All right. We’ve got a doozy for this week, so let me just get into it. feel free to stop me as I read, or we can react at the end,

Red Flags & A Missing Dinner Plate

All right. Here we go. Says Mother-in-law Drama. Made my wedding a nightmare. Basically a book, sorry. Okay, my now husband, let’s call him. Matt and I met during the pandemic once it was safe to go out to restaurants and such, and we quickly fell in love because his family cares for two elderly grandmothers.

They had very strict rules about socializing during that time. I had no problem with that, and Matt and I were careful to follow their guidelines. That meant I didn’t get to know his family that well, that’s how I initially explained. away all the red flags that his mom disliked me. I told myself, maybe she doesn’t hate me.

It’s just awkward because we haven’t spent that much time together. Spoil alert. I was wrong because my family was lower risk. Matt spent more time with my family and they immediately clicked. So some dating red flags from his mom. She constantly trashed the denomination of churches Matt and I attended, and that my dad’s pastor, is a pastor for even after I acknowledged her bad experience and tried to empathize at Matt’s dinner, she set the table for everyone but me.

I got to stand in the kitchen.

Okay. When I read something like that, I’m like, was he like, let me put a plate for you, he just let her stand in the kitchen because that’s a red flag on him. Well, both of ’em. Yeah. Oh, no. What? She interrupted me every time I spoke and redirected the conversation, that would get really under my skin.

Lisandra Vasquez: You, what was she, Latina?

Christa Innis: I don’t have those details yet. she raved about Matt’s exes and their amazing relationships with his younger sisters and how much she missed them, how many exes. And she, this apparently they’re all just so great. But her, she refused to attend the church service where Matt and I officially joined, I’m guessing for marriage, because she was Matt, he left theirs

Context for later in October, 2021. My dad nearly died of COVID. The doctors were shocked. He survived once home, he had to stay plugged into a wall oxygen machine. Oh my gosh, that’s terrible. due to a shortage of portable tanks, he only had enough for necessary doctor visits. November, 2021, Matt proposed it was beautiful and surprised me during my family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

We were so happy we looked at rings together so it wasn’t outta the blue, but it was still magical. We decided on a shorter engagement and set the date for April, 2022. It was going to be a low key small town wedding. We mostly planned ourselves. We knew the quick timeline might keep some people from attending, but we were ready to be married.

We invited his family to my parents’ house to talk about wedding vision, financial contributions, dress shopping dates, et cetera. But we couldn’t go to their house. It’s 90 minutes away, and my dad couldn’t travel. They refused to come to us because they didn’t wanna hire a babysitter for their 14-year-old twins.

Both grandmothers lived nearby. They wouldn’t bring the girls either. It was either we had to go to them or it didn’t happen. Eventually we got them to agree to a zoom call. That point you can just tell, like someone like that does not wanna be involved. And it’s like why that it’s deliberate.

Yes. They’re gonna purposely put every kind of blockade for it to not happen.

Lisandra Vasquez: Like the person that’s being awful to you because they want you to break up with them.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yep. It’s that, like passive aggressive, like Oh yeah. Yeah. The Zoom came. Neither parents said much. His mom was on her phone the entire time.

My parents gushed about Matt and said how thrilled they were to welcome him, his parents. Yeah, he’s great. Nothing about me joining the family. I don’t even know how people like this deal with in-laws like that, so I would just, I have

Lisandra Vasquez: opinions. I think that he sucks the dude that she’s marrying because like I would’ve had if he hadn’t stood up.

Like, no, like, I would see that as a huge red flag on his behalf that he’s not, I least at this point, making it clear that there is a separation between how, like, because she hasn’t gotten there yet. So I don’t know if she’s gonna include this, but I would be, why aren’t you taking care of this?

Like why aren’t you taking care of this information? This is like you and your mom. Your mom is literally mistreating me.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: just letting it out like in front of

Christa Innis: your face. Cutting me out. Yeah. Like at that point it’s like I would be, yeah, you’re right. I’d be more mad at him ’cause I’m like, this is your family.

Lisandra Vasquez: speak up dude. Mm-hmm. That’s not okay to treat anybody’s because like he’s treating her like that. But he could treat, I mean anybody like that, that’s messed up.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And the way she wrote about the standing in the kitchen, it literally sounds like she was just standing in the kitchen while they all ate for his dinner.

Passive-Aggressive Wedding Planning

And I’m like, that would never be okay. Oh, literally. so she said, but hey, zoom is awkward. So maybe that was why my parents offered to pay for most things. His parents said they’d cover Matt’s tux, a groom’s cake, and the alcohol. Matt and I reiterated that we were planning a small, simple wedding.

They said It’s fine. It was painfully awkward. Everyone was relieved when the call ended, I felt weird about my relationship with his mom. But I still tried to include her. I invited her dress shopping. See, there’s so many super nice brides I read about, and they like have this like issue with, you know, they have a, bad relationship with the mother-in-law and they still invite them dress shopping.

I’m like, that’s like a vulnerable moment to be changing in front of someone or showing something. Like, why would you want someone like that there? It’s an olive branch.

Lisandra Vasquez: I get it. But like,

Christa Innis: God, yeah, it’s harder when you’re in it. Yeah. Of budget constraints. I wanted to shop before Christmas to avoid price hikes.

I sent her a couple of dates and she declined both. There we go. One without explanation the other, because she was making Christmas cookies.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh, no. But you know, it’s creepy. the timeline for those

Christa Innis: So busy. Yeah. Has to be this day I’m really busy. Oh my gosh. so I went with my mom and sister and found my dress.

I’d asked Matt’s sisters to be junior bridesmaids and invited them to the shop too. His mom said to just send them the link for the dress I wanted. I did. And she complained about the hem line and designer, but insisted she’d fix it for them after delivery. When the dresses arrived, she wouldn’t show them to me until after alterations.

I pushed and thank goodness I did. she pinned the hem up four inches too high. She was annoyed but adjusted them. they finally looked correct on the wedding day. Then here’s a not so brief list of other chaos that she had caused during planning the wedding. Okay. Bridal shower takeover.

She offered to host. I thought it was a peace offering. made it a couple’s shower. So Matt had to attend. Introduced everyone, including Matt’s best friend who couldn’t come, but not me, to her friends and family who I had never met. Oh my gosh. Guest list battle. We wanted to cap the wedding at 100 guest total.

She alone wanted to invite 100. I hadn’t shared my severe anxiety disorder because I didn’t trust her, but finally told them the cap was for my mental health. She looked me dead in the eye and said, I have anxiety too. It’ll be fine.

That’s that like older generation that’s like we all had anxiety and we just, had to do, we had to carry on with our lives like.

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. that’s like my mom being like, Liandra, no, you’re not depressed. You’re just be happy. Okay. Like, okay. Okay. Fracture on the switch. Yeah, like, don’t cry.

Just change. Change it. Like, okay, open the window. Go out in the sun. Oh, yeah. No, that’s crazy. I hadn’t thought about that. I hadn’t thought about just being happy. Yeah. Thank you. Really. Thank you for that. I have anxiety too. You’ll be fine. That’s crazy.

Christa Innis: Later she told people I faked mental illness to get my way.

We ended up cutting guests from my side so they could invite extras. This, I would be really, I

Lisandra Vasquez: hate this woman.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I would be really second guessing the whole wedding.

Lisandra Vasquez: How old did she say how old she is? Because she sounds young. I know

Christa Innis: it was a really quick engagement,

Lisandra Vasquez: but still she sounds like she’s young.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: she sounds like she’s in her twenties at least, because I feel like, I wouldn’t put up with that, but I might have put up with it earlier in my life. Yeah. I could see a time where I would be like, in my very early twenties, I dated a guy for four years and I could see if his mom didn’t like me, I would still try to be like, all right, this is the right thing I need to do.

I still need to try to invite her. I still need to try to do this. And then I’d be mad at him, but I wouldn’t have the communication skills and be like, confidence to be able to be like, fix your mother.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But I would now. Right. and at that awkward time of like, you’re like becoming an adult, so you’re kind of like still that like kid respect your elders.

 I feel like I was like that in my early twenties too.

Lisandra Vasquez: So I just feel like the, I’m reading it as she’s younger because she’s not standing up for herself in the way that I think that, somebody in her later in life would.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. I think so. What she’s going through is it’s abusive.

Like that’s not the woman is walking all over her ’cause she doesn’t respect her.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. She’s thinking she’s not like, good enough for her son, or it’s the kind of person she’s like putting her son on a pedestal saying like, he deserves the best and you’re not, it, that’s,

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s why I asked if he’s Latino.

That’s what Latino parents do. Treat their firstborn son as the gold standard. Really. Yeah. Yeah. But also it’s also curious that they’re not Jewish. ’cause that’s what Jewish mothers do as well. Mm-hmm. And then they get mad. I mean, it’s also different kinds of, Christian religions that where they, really covet like the sun.

That’s very, and they’re very, particular about their, flavor of Christianity.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s what I kind of got by the denomination thing. So if she is like very in her or EPIs, you don’t wanna be an

Lisandra Vasquez: Episcopalian anymore. Lutheran’s not even a thing. Mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Isn’t it all Christian? I mean, listen guys, come on.

but yeah, so it seems like an uppity.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like she, it’s almost like she heard the denomination and immediately from that point was like, Nope. And then just like discounted anything else she said or something like that. It’s like when they a chance.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. It’s like if somebody, They’re a Republican.

Oh. Or like, oh, she’s a liberal. Cool. I guess she doesn’t care about babies or something like that. I dunno. Yes. Um, but you can make, judgements for sure. That’s crazy, huh? What else did she do? She goes, so she like, we have this

Christa Innis: There’s a lot. So it says, gossiping behind my back. She told Matt’s friends, I was excluding her from planning.

She never answered my texts about it. Jokes on her. Two of those friends are close with me and they spilled everything. Sabotaging the rehearsal. She told the wedding party I was overbearing for asking them to arrive 30 minutes early said it was okay to come late because we’d start late anyway. Then she gave them the wrong wedding day timeline.

If I hadn’t sent backup info, they would’ve missed photos. refused to help set up. She got mad that Matt helped set up the reception. She wanted him at their hotel to hang out. They wouldn’t help at all because that’s the bride’s family’s job. Okay. Cold as ice in the getting ready room. She ignored me the whole time.

Didn’t acknowledge me when I walked in wearing my white dress, even though everyone else was emotional and excited, I’d be like, you can leave. Yay.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. On her wedding day. This is bad. This

Christa Innis: is

Lisandra Vasquez: bad.

Christa Innis: Yeah. when I do like crazy skits and stuff, people are like, oh, this is so dramatic. That would never happen.

And I’m like, no, there’s people saying, it literally happens to them.

Lisandra Vasquez: when I was, in LA I used to do a wedding sometimes as a second shooter, so I’d get, The first shooter that I worked with would always be with the bride, and then I’d go with the groomsmen to get the second dairy portraits.

You see some drama, but not this is crazy. Yeah, nothing. This is insane. But I mean, I guess I would have to be privy to all the other information, but you can pick up the vibes.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. I bet you can like tell like right away with a wedding if like someone’s not meshing Well,

Lisandra Vasquez: if the mother the, if the mother of the groom was like to the bride, I’d pick up on that and be like popcorn in my hand, as I’m all the tea.

Yes. No, that’s insane. Yeah. But they got married. How awkward. Yeah, they got married. It’s her mother-in-law.

Christa Innis: I know she’s gonna deal with that the rest of her life. Oh, however long she can put up with it for, because at some point they either have to cut her off the mother-in-law or they’re gonna break.

Because someone like that infiltrating, like if they decide to like move or have kids or whatever they do in their life, she’s gonna be family. When a family member

Lisandra Vasquez: chooses their spouse and the spouse doesn’t get along with the family, someone’s gotta go. Mm-hmm. Usually people will choose their spouse.

You would hope, you hope. Well, usually people would choose their spouse. but sometimes they don’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Especially not a weak ass mama’s boy. Like this guy seems, wow, he sucks.

Christa Innis: I’m like not hearing anything about him. So I’m really, I like wanna reach out and be like, yeah,

Lisandra Vasquez: he is. Yeah. Like, first of all, I need to know, I have so many follow up questions about him.

Like, I need to know if he’s an only child. he definitely seems like he’s the only boy. Mm-hmm. He’s the golden, um, he, if he’s an only child, I guess it would make sense as to why the mom’s so obsessed.

Christa Innis: But it’s weird. It’s that crazy boy mom thing.

It’s like their first love and you know, like they’ll think the trend. I was like on TikTok and it’s like, no, like you’re not doing what you think you’re doing right now. It’s

Lisandra Vasquez: now’s giving weird

Christa Innis: stop. That’s no, don’t you want them to grow up and find someone or like be happy on their own, not like rely on you the rest of their lives.

Lisandra Vasquez: No,

Christa Innis: I want him to. No. Okay. That’s weird. That’s weird. Or do they mention a father? Either? oh, they said parents, they did say his parents

Lisandra Vasquez: when they had the zoom call. Yes. That the parents, so I think the mom’s just a piece of work and she probably has nothing else going on.

Christa Innis: And the dad’s probably just very passive. ’cause over the years she’s been like manipulative like this. And.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. Gerard Carmichael has a, bit right now that I just saw that, like your mom, that he says like that everyone’s mom is crazy. No, but like, it doesn’t matter. Like everyone’s mom is a different kind of crazy, but everyone’s mom gets crazy at a certain point and like the group chat is weird, with the mom and the siblings, and then the dad starts talking less and less.

I feel like that’s what’s happening here. Mm-hmm. Like the mom got crazy.

 and the dad probably is just letting it happen and just saying like three words.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: About, because he’s just like, disassociating.

Last Straw & A Weird Hot Tub

Christa Innis: Yeah. He’s like, I’m not gonna get involved. She’s gonna do her thing i’s how.

Yeah. It’s just coexist. Yeah. All right. There’s a couple more things that she didn’t. Oh my God. Uh, tried to sneak in an unapproved photographer despite multiple conversations. She tried to bring in her amateur photographer front to shoot the ceremony when my dad politely told him he could take pictures after the ceremony.

And at the reception, she later told people, my dad screamed at him in the church victim mode. All those, that’s like,that typical person, like she’s gonna be the victim mode, but she

Lisandra Vasquez: has to be Latina. That woman has to be, if she’s not, I’d be so surprised. I know his name is Matt, which is giving white, but.

It might be a white dad. the name’s been changed, so, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So it could

Christa Innis: be, but I mean, I’ve, there’s a lot of crazy white ladies out there that act like this too. I know,

Lisandra Vasquez: I know. But dang it, that’s not exactly someone that I’m related to.

Christa Innis: Yeah. left the reception early to use the hot tub.

Then told our friends she was having more fun in the hot tub than at our wedding. Tried to get them to agree. They didn’t. She was upset when we didn’t join on our wedding night. Oh, you wanna go in the hot tub with your son and his wife on their wedding night? That’s disgusting. This woman is weird. Weird insulted a precious full photo.

When we got our professional photos back, she saw a shot of my dad’s hand on my back during their father-daughter dance said it looked very creepy. That dance meant the world to me. We didn’t think he’d lived to be there. When we said the comment was hurtful, she doubled down. You’re too sensitive.

What? That would be it for me. Like, one after the other. Like why is she still in their life,

Lisandra Vasquez: dude, the fact that they’re still trying to please, I’m even more angry at the husband every time that there’s an interaction and she disrespects the wife. I’m even more mad Yeah. At the husband for not stepping in during this whole thing.

Christa Innis: So here’s a slight follow up at the end here. It says, Matt and I had to go to counseling specifically to learn how to handle her. Thankfully he’s now fully on my side, so I don’t know where he was in all of that. And what was that boiling point where she’s like, we’re going to counseling or we’re done kind of thing.

Lisandra Vasquez: he was probably trying to play the middle. And because I, again, I think they’re young. I think that they’re in their twenties and if they’re in their twenties and they’re still, he was still trying to please both of ’em and he was probably still being like, mom, like, you know I know, but you gotta.

He wasn’t being, but yeah, no, I’m glad they went to counseling. So he said that, she said that they’re still together.

Christa Innis: Yeah. She says in his defense, growing up with a narcissistic, mother trained him to ignore toxic behavior as a coping mechanism. So they’ve, they’ve learned a lot. They’ve done their work.

incredible. Now protective and clear on boundaries. She still dislikes me, but since realizing she’s losing access to him, if she’s unkind to me, she pulls a halfway decent show of civility now. So it’s the fake, like, just to get there? I don’t know.

Lisandra Vasquez: Never.

Christa Innis: I mean, okay. No, that is crazy. because you hear about like the passive aggressive mother-in-laws, but that is like someone blatantly just being rude and not liking you for no reason.

Lisandra Vasquez: I mean, I have a family member that’s blatantly rude and doesn’t like me for no reason, but like, it’sof someone that married into my family, but it’s just like, You do have to have boundaries. You do have to have boundaries and understand that like sometimes you can’t change someone’s mental health status.

Like that person, like that woman, that mom is Ill, like there’s something, and whatever’s happening Says more about her than it does about this bride. Yeah,

Christa Innis: 100%.

Lisandra Vasquez: And they look, they sound like they’ve taken the steps to make their world work and to communicate and to understand, like, and obviously they’re still family, so they have to deal with her because that is his mother.

Mm-hmm. But hopefully people can take away from that. They’re you cannot change somebody that doesn’t wanna be changed and doesn’t see a problem with their behavior. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. And doesn’t have, doesn’t have any empathy, doesn’t have any ability to self-reflect.

 that’s exactly what that woman is. And it’s just like. Yeah, I think we all have known somebody like that and not, I mean, we’re not all related to them, but like, you have to have your boundaries and understand that even if it hurts, ’cause that hurts. That’s so hurtful, so, so disappointing that your mother can’t get it together for your wife.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: But getting help and understanding like his triggers and what he is like, been ignoring.

Christa Innis: Right? I feel like narcissist is thrown around so much on the internet these days, but like, if she’s truly narcissistic too, she’ll never see an issue with herself.

So I feel like the only way to either handle someone like that. Why? Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: She’s, she’s perfect. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Everyone else is the problem. They’re all, she’s a victim. ‘ cause he brought in this new wife that’s like not right and you know they’re hurting her, taking his son, her son away or whatever. Yeah. You’re stealing my son.

You harlett. Yes. Yeah, no, 100%. So I feel like the only way is to go through counseling and, limit as much time as you can. Absolutely. Oh my God, that was crazy. All right. I would like to end with like a confession from social media. I know we’re kind of over on time. these are confessions people send me on social media, so, alright.

I feel like this first one, I know how you’ll feel about this. It says, bachelorette parties should not be a week long, expensive vacation, just one crazy night of fun. What do you think about it? Correct. Correct. That is a correct choice.

Lisandra Vasquez: unless everyone is excited to go to a specific location.

but I don’t think it should be forced upon people. I’ve been, gosh, I do like the thought of it being somewhere that is localish. Cost effecti, maybe even like a two to a week is disgusting.

Christa Innis: I have done a week long, either once or twice, but it, like the group that went were my best friend, so it was like we would’ve done a girls’ trip anyways.

Right? Yeah. And they, but I’ve declined a fair share that I’m just like, I wouldn’t know anybody else other than the bride. I’m like, I’m not gonna spend that money.

Lisandra Vasquez: I was so sad one time, like I cried because I couldn’t afford to go to, I had just moved to Georgia and one of my very best friends in the world had her the girl who was planning her bachelorette party, was in a much better financial position than me. And so she planned it to stay at these, like, and you should be able to have what you want, right? But they were like gonna stay at the Waldorf and so it was like very expensive. And I was like, if I’m not being honest, I’m like, that’s so expensive for me.

Yeah. so I was so sad. I was like, oh man, I can’t be there. I’m like, this has been one of my best friends for 10 years. Mm-hmm. Like, I can’t be there because this bitch is planning all this. And so it made me really sad. But then like, when they got there, a hurricane hit Colonel, oh, a hurricane hit?

No. Yeah. And then they ended up having to move places. So it was, I was like, oh, no, sorry to miss that guys. because I could only afford to go to the wedding because the wedding was also like a Dustin. the wedding was in Palm Springs. Oh my. Beautiful. The wedding was beautiful though. Yeah. And like, it was expensive for me to go to the wedding wedding, but it was worth it.

Sometimes it is really worth to go to these weddings. Like my cousin got married in Napa. we had such a blast, and my whole family was there.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like if it’s a good location and there’s things to do around it, or if it’s like. Someone you really love and care about. But yeah, I did do labor,

Lisandra Vasquez: but I, because I did help with some stuff, but because it’s my cousin’s wedding, but, cause I’m handy, but we were all still enjoying ourselves and just being in a new environment together and creating memory, so.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. That’s what I love about weddings. Like family weddings are so fun too. ’cause it’s like, I have like something all over the country, so it’s like, it’s so nice to all get together. But especially when it’s like if it’s a friend and it’s like every part of it, I haven’t personally been to one where it’s like every single wedding event you have to fly to, but I’ve heard of one where it’s like engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding that you have to fly to all of them.

It’s like, no, that’s not happening for me. Not happening. That’s unreasonable to ask. Yeah, that’s, yeah. unless you’re paying for everybody to go. Oh yeah. If you’ve got boatloads of money and you just wanna buy, pay for everybody.

Lisandra Vasquez: Taylor Swift. I can

Christa Innis: everybody hop on the pj.

Yeah,

let’s go. but in fact, if she wasn’t paying for people in her wedding, I would be actually pissed. Like furious. Furious. Like at that point. Yeah. my mother-in-law said that they would leave the wedding if all of their guests weren’t invited to the reception. I was livid. Okay, then don’t come.

Okay. and that, here’s another mother-in-law. One, my mother-in-law treats me so poorly that I have decided to cut her off and my husband doesn’t get it. Ooh. He’s choosing her over you. Then we just said, you know, if you don’t choose the wife over the mother-in-law, then you’re, um,

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. Again. I think that the choice has to be made.

 and I will say this, that it sucks because maybe the wife could be in the wrong and the toxic one, you don’t know who in that. You never know. Mm-hmm. Don’t know who the toxic one is. ‘ cause I know of a, the dynamic that I know of the wife is the toxic one, but the wife was chosen because that’s the mother of the children.

 that’s the one that is gonna mess with his life more.

Christa Innis: Right. I’ve heard of that too. And that’s

Lisandra Vasquez: but I don’t know ma’am. family’s messy and complicated. But I do think that when it comes to mother-in-laws and like the dealing with the parents, it is on the person whose parents that is to mitigate that boundary.

Christa Innis: I agree.

Lisandra Vasquez: Isn’t on the spouse. Mm-hmm. What, no matter the gender, to make sure that they have, they communicate and have boundaries that are appropriate to keep the health of the relationship, if that is their priority. Right. And make sure your marriage lasts, then that becomes your main family and main promise.

And then you have to then make sure that your family gets it.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because I feel like so many of the, discourse or so many of the issues happened behind the scenes where like the, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are talking and like, they confront each other so then like the partner is nowhere to be found.

So then they’re relaying the information to him and he just has to take word for word. And he’s like, who do I believe now? I’m like at a, crossroad here, because she’s telling me one thing. She’s telling me one thing. And so I feel like I see that a lot of times where it’s like the communication then is just like.

It’s not,

Lisandra Vasquez: it’s just a crazy game of telephone, man.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: Oh my gosh. Well that was a crazy story. Thank you so much for coming on and reacting with me. Yeah, man. God, I’m so glad I’m not married. I was say I got really, really lucky. Like, I knew people had issues with their in-laws, but until these start stories started rolling in, I was like, this is insane.

They’re like, no, it’s insane. And I feel like, you know what? I’ll say the, my mom, ‘ cause I have very traditional, mom and in the sense that she’s always wanted me to be married and like the fact that I’m not married is used to be an issue. But then she was like. One time I recently, oh, ’cause I imprinted this in my memory when she was like, I’m proud of you for always knowing when to walk away from a relationship when it no longer suited you or when it no longer served you.

Because I have people in my family who, did get married and then they’re divorcing,or now things, people are estranged and this and that. Like, because it’s a toxic dynamic that they locked themselves into. And she’s like, no, I’m actually, really happy for you that you always chose what was right for you and you are just not settling for a life that doesn’t excite you.

 I mean at this point I’m not settling, I’m not like, is somebody that has to add to add to my life

Christa Innis: period. Absolutely. No, I love that. I think it’s just like this, like newer generation too, of like, yes, wedding anniversaries can be, celebratory and stuff, but I don’t look at it as like an accomplishment in the right, in a different, I don’t know.

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but like, people can say like, oh, I’ve been married for 40 years, and like, that’s great, but that doesn’t actually show your relationship. ’cause there’s so many, how many people are married for 40 years and hate each other? Or they’re having two different lives, literally, you know?

And so like, I was never someone, I talk about this, but like, I was never someone that was my, didn’t have kids. I never was like that. I was like, I wanna get married once I’m like established a little bit more in my career. I wanna be in my thirties. Like it’s just,

Lisandra Vasquez: yeah. And then, and then we’ll see what comes.

But um, yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I just feel like that, like so many people in these stories that we hear, it’s like, they just wanna check the boxes. And it’s like, that’s all well and good, but then in 30 years down the line, you’re gonna be happy. Are you gonna enjoy your life?

Lisandra Vasquez: People with the patriarchy, man, people trying to always center that as the main goal in our lives.

 and I also think I’ve just had a natural sense of that not being the main focus of my life. Mm-hmm. From the jump. I never, but fantasize about getting married or having kids. And even though I played with baby dolls and all that stuff and I had crushes on all the boys, but like, just never thought that it was just not a natural way for me to be to mm-hmm.

Wanna center my life around men. ‘ cause I think I have such, like, even though patriarchy exists, like I’ve always only looked up at women.

Christa Innis: that were really strong. And so I was like, oh, I wanna be like them.

Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: and none of them were relying on men. and also just by example, all the people that are smartest in my life are women.

Mm. The people that are the most, healthy, extraordinary, in terms of like showing up for their friends, showing up for their families, showing up in their careers, showing up for themselves. they’re all my girlfriends and they’re all like the, my mentors and the people that I look up to. So, I’m cursed with heterosexuality, which sucks, but that is something that I have to deal with.

Yeah. but that, with that being said, that’s why I’m like, oh, it’s no trouble for me to like not have a man in my life because besides that, of course like the heart piece, but I love myself. I have a dog. You know, like we all, like, there’s other ways. I’m okay waiting for that because I have so much love with everyone else in my life.

 So when I do meet somebody eventually, it’s not coming from a place that, of a super empty cup that needs to be filled. And I do feel like men don’t have that a lot. Men don’t come from full cups often. some do. There

Christa Innis: are some, well, and that’s why there’s, you know, like the loneliness epidemic where Yeah.

Male loneliness epidemic is. ’cause they’re like, wait, women can’t survive without us. Wait, what they don’t want my money. It’s like, no, we can make our own money.

Lisandra Vasquez: then they also don’t wanna give money now. Yes. What do you bring to the table? I need you to, provide free labor for me, and I also need you to pay half the bills.

Christa Innis: Uhhuh.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. And you need to also have my kids, and you also need to look really good.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s really fun. it makes modern stuff really well, but, but it really does make you appreciate, the great men in our lives because I do know some great men. so whenever it’s like the appreciating it when you see it, even if it’s a friend of mine that’s in a relationship, like I can look and be like, you know what, Hey, there, he exists.

 and he is a good man. He is in a good relationship. He treats her well. I almost like hang onto that energy to be like, yeah, that’s the blueprint. That’s, and we like, so it does like, it’s almost like hanging onto the proof of concept and you’re like, so it does exist and there are people that do have good relationships that does, I don’t making sense, but it does, exist.

Oh, for sure. And so that’s why I know that I don’t have to settle for something that’s not that, because that exists.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I’ve seen it, like I never had to explain to my husband that my career was important. Never once. Like, he always knew I was that kind of person and I was like, this is the life I live.

Like, he washes dishes probably more than I do. Like he does more of the traditional, you know, I love that. I’ve never had to say like, I don’t know,

Lisandra Vasquez: that’s just, I said a, I said a friend of mine, he just like made a response video to somebody saying that women need to be more traditional. And he goes like, sorry, hot girls are gonna do hot girl shit, man.

Like, what are you gonna do? Like if you wanna hot girl, she’s gonna do hot girl stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So she’s gonna, she’s gonna be out, she’s gonna look good. She’s gonna like go and like, have friends. She’s gonna travel, she’s gonna wanna do this. Like, sorry, if that’s what you want, she’s not gonna be submissive.

Yeah. They don’t think she can be in certain, in certain she can be, submissive in certain aspects for sure. But like, you can’t come on. Yeah. No. A hundred percent. They like want, Sydney Sweeney in the Prairie. You know what I mean? Like, no. Yeah.

Christa Innis: they want the look, they want their, like, list of things, but then they don’t wanna feel emasculated by anything that they do.

Right. So they can’t make more money than them. They can’t have their own hobbies or passions, but then they can sit around on their butt, then they complain.

Lisandra Vasquez: Yeah. And you can’t get more attention than them either.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I used to work for a mom company years ago, and this is before I even had my daughter, but like I was in like the mom groups and stuff, like managing for the moms and whatever, and the number of moms that would say like how their husbands would come home and treat them.

Like they would work these like nine to five jobs and expect they could just come home and put their feet up when they’ve been with the kids all day. And I was like, may that life never fi, I don’t want that. Literally, I think that’s why

Lisandra Vasquez: I don’t have any desire to have kids and be with a family unless it’s right.

I used to work as a nanny a lot, as my part-time job. So like I’ve babysat, I’ve been a personal assistant for like a family assistant, so where I was with kids it very intimately with, other people’s marriage and family dynamics and I’m like, cool, no,

Christa Innis: not for me.

This

Lisandra Vasquez: is

Christa Innis: not, not

Lisandra Vasquez: for me, not for me. there’s so much, yeah. but then there are some that are good, and those, you’re like, oh, that’s the one. They’re like, if it happens may this kind find me not that one.

Christa Innis: Yeah. But the scary thing is not to scare people out there listening, but the scary thing is you don’t know necessarily what kind you’re gonna get until after you have kids.

Until after. Yeah. Like, yeah, you see qualities, like, obviously I married my husband, so I knew what qualities you to have, but you don’t know until the baby comes like, oh, are they gonna whimper out and be like, this is too much for me, or are they gonna step up? Because you don’t know, you don’t always know.

Which is, that’s the gamble of, Yeah. I guess.

Lisandra Vasquez: but also I think that knowing that you have someone that you have a good communication base with. I think always helps because even if they’re tapped out, if you have somebody that is healthy and can know how to work, like identify what’s happening with them and is willing to work on them, because if they do, oh, this is a lot I need to tap out, maybe we can come up with a way that, okay, on Sundays I get to go do this thing for three hours so then I don’t feel like I’m tapped out.

Mm-hmm. And like you’ve come up with a plan, but that’s somebody that’s like healthy and dedicated to the family, but like, Hey, this is, I just need to be really honest. This is over, this is like really rocking my system in a way that I wasn’t expecting.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s

Lisandra Vasquez: I feel like that’s why when you choose somebody to be a lifelong partner and then have kids with, that’s a huge deal.

Like looking for those green flags are, I think, are super important. And a lot of the times people push through those and don’t collect that information ’cause they’re like, oh, they’ll be fine. They, you make a lot of assumptions about how you think people would act based on how you would act

In those circumstances and that is so wrong. Yes.

Christa Innis: Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I feel like I could talk about this so forever. I feel, I am so passionate about that kind of stuff, but I feel like I always end like these episodes with like getting on some kind of tangent about something. And I love how like it just turns into it because, because I guess I was telling you before we started recording, it’s like people hear Party Plan by Krista like as my like account name.

And they’re like, oh, she’s a wedding planner. She talks about weddings and I’m like. It’s so much more than that. People, it’s so much more than that.

Lisandra Vasquez: So much more. And there’s so many, there’s so much drama. There’s so much like dynamic, dynamic when it comes to things dynamic. It’s, it’s wild.

Christa Innis: yeah.

Like we really get into like boundaries of like, a lot of the, like the mother-in-law thing can start from the boy mom dynamic. And so like that, where’s that come from? The patriarchy of like, bowing down to like the sun or, you know, that kind of thing. If he’s so much, he’s never done anything wrong and yeah, there’s so many subtopics.

But thank you so much for coming on. I love the Of course. Thank you chatting. Thank for having me. can you tell everyone again where they can follow you, find your content and then anything exciting you’re working on?

Lisandra Vasquez: so I am, on Lisandra v Comedy on all platforms, TikTok, Instagram, even Facebook.

And Blue Sky and the YouTubes, I’m on all of them, the same handle. I have some shows coming up. I don’t know when this is going out, I’ll be in Chicago, New York and Denver, doing some standup comedy, but most of the time I’m performing here in Atlanta. Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Thank you for having me.