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A $16K Scam, a Shocking Threat, & Knowing Your Limits - with Kendra Matthies

My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!

They cried. They complained. They blamed everyone else. And then the check bounced.

This week’s wedding submission spirals into accusations, threats, and a bounced $16K check that leaves vendors stunned. Joined by Kendra Matthies, Christa dissects the chaos, calling out toxic wedding norms, contract misunderstandings, and entitlement disguised as innocence.

Then we dive into wedding confessions: maid of honor regrets, guest list battles, and the quiet urge to just elope. Buckle up, this one is totally WILD!

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Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

Step Back to Protect Health – The burnout no one talks about, and how constant entitlement can push vendors to their breaking point.
The $16K Wedding Scam – A venue hosts a full wedding… then the final check bounces and chaos erupts.
Cake on the Floor, Tears in the Room – Accusations fly after a cake mishap sparks emotional manipulation and blame.
“We Know the Owner” Energy – Why entitlement shows up loudest at weddings and small businesses feel it hardest.
Pastor Threats & Legal Pressure – A shocking twist involving church leadership and intimidation tactics.
Vendor Survival Tips – Kendra breaks down contracts, deposits, and protecting your business.
Elopement Temptation – Skipping the drama and choosing peace over performance.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“My wedding is important to me, but I don’t expect it to be the most important thing in everyone else’s life.” – Christa Innis
“I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or not enough of a wife or a friend.” – Christa Innis
“Contracts exist because of people like this.” – Christa Innis
“Your wedding was literally built on a lie.” – Christa Innis
“People love boundaries until they apply to them.” – Christa Innis
“At some point, this stops being ignorance and starts being entitlement.” – Christa Innis
“You don’t have to have a chronic illness to need to know your limits.” – Kendra Matthies
“Give an inch, they take a mile, every single time.” – Kendra Matthies
“If you signed the contract, that’s on you. Don’t blindly sign, consult.” – Kendra Matthies
“As a business owner, your pricing should protect you, not depend on tips.” – Kendra Matthies
“Stop expecting discounts from people you barely know.” – Kendra Matthies
“It is never worth it to put yourself in debt for a wedding.” – Kendra Matthies
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, and we’re not awake for all of them.” – Kendra Matthies

*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.

About Kendra

Kendra Matthies is a Michigan‑based bridal makeup artist, licensed esthetician, beauty educator, and social creator with over a million fans across social platforms. She’s built her career helping hundreds of brides glow on their big day and teaching other artists how to thrive in the beauty world, with real talk about technique, clients, and the sometimes brutal backstage truth of weddings and events.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi, Kendra.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, how’s it going?

Christa Innis: Good. Thank you so much for coming back on. I’m so excited.

Kendra Matthies: It’s so great to be back. It does not feel like it’s been like what, a year since we filmed our last episode together, so I’m so excited. It’s been so cool to see how your podcast has grown.

I’ve loved watching everybody’s little interviews and everything. It’s been really entertaining, so it’s super cool to be back again.

Christa Innis: I know. I, I think the fun thing about it is just being able to connect to so many people. Like, I feel like if it weren’t for this podcast, like we would never have had like a sit down to like, talk like this or, yeah, it’s, it just makes it so fun and like forces me outta my shell too, because like, I feel like working from home, like I just like, I just have like a plan of like what I do and like a lot of times I don’t see a lot of people, so it’s a great, great way to connect.

Kendra Matthies: Hey, I won’t lie. This is the first time I’ve worn makeup in like a month beyond just like tinted SPF and some freaking mascara. I’m like, well, I better put on a face today because I’m filming an episode. So thank you for giving me a reason to get dolled up. Hey,

Christa Innis: anytime. No, you feel like people expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, like, oh, they expect me to have full face.

Kendra Matthies: So, yes, and I will say that it’s, if I’m doing makeup clients, I do try to put like a little bit more makeup on, but my day to day, I’m an esthetician. So I mean, my day to day is more like facial clients, eyebrows, lashes, things like that. And I feel like most of my clients are more regulars now where they’re coming every six to eight weeks, and I don’t think that they really care that I’m just wearing some tinted moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup clients, I think that it does. One, there is that level of professionalism. I feel, and this can be heavily debated too, like some people feel you don’t have to wear makeup as a professional makeup artist while you are doing work. But for me, I find that the very few times that I haven’t done that, I get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense, where it’s like, um, are you sure you’re gonna be able to do this? So I think being able to be like, I do know how to do makeup. Right. It’s a little bit more comforting to the person. Yeah. And a little bit more encouraging. Yeah.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s probably, yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you’re hiring for someone for hair or for nails, you are looking at their hand and nails. Although I feel like whenever I get my nails done, like they’re probably just like so busy that like they are more worried about their client and less about their own. Yeah. Which makes sense for sure. So, so like we said, it’s been like a year since you’ve been on, so what’s like.

What’s been new for you? What have you kind of done over the last year that you’re like, I know you’ve been speaking at events I’ve been seeing and Yes. What’s kind of your big thing you’re working on or did the last year? So

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

Kendra Matthies: in the past year, it was a lot of traveling. I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch of different conferences. I taught a lot at different conferences around the country. Um, I did my first kind of like independent class where it wasn’t in relation to any of those, and that was really exciting. Um, but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim. I got to go to Orlando, Chicago, Denver, uh, yeah, kind of all over.

Christa Innis: Is it, is it all like. Students that go to your classes or can like anyone go to

Kendra Matthies: your class? So it is typically for the conferences and stuff, those are beauty professionals only. Okay. But people who are in cosmetology school, esthetician school, anything like that they can come to. But these ones, it is more of like just for the industry, but they’re very, very packed.

Um, so it’s definitely not like I’m feeling like I’m missing out on seeing a lot of people, which is really cool too. It definitely feels like I’m still offering a good amount of education. But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals when it comes to those types of things. I would love to do more open to the public type of classes.

Um, it’s just trying to find the time between bridal season to make that happen. Um. But yeah, so it definitely got to meet a lot of the beauty, uh, students, makeup artists, cosmetologists, hairstylists, barbers, all the things. Yeah. Uh, that follow me in person. So that was really nice. And I love doing these events.

Um, like the one that happens in Chicago. I’ve done that for, I think this is my fourth year being with them teaching. Um, and so it’s been cool to just see the growth of myself, but also when people come back and they’re taking my classes again, and now they’re telling me, you know, I, when I first came, I was still a student and now I own my own makeup studio, or I own my own salon, or I’ve been at a salon for however many years and I’m getting steady clientele.

Like, it’s just been really cool to do that. So that has been a big thing travel wise. And then just weddings. I mean, I was pretty busy this year. I did make the decision to. Kind of step back from taking every wedding. And mostly because I one was doing so much other traveling with teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability to do that, even though I did still have where I would be leaving a wedding to jump on a flight to go teach at these places. Right. Um, but I did take a step back typically in a year. You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to 60 ish weddings, but I just, that’s wild.

It’s a lot. And I made the decision last year to step back and I wanted to take only about 30 weddings just to give myself a little bit more time. Um, which I think was really smart. Uh, not just for me, but it let me learn a lot about myself and, uh. I think it was the really healthy thing for me to do and I think that it’s gonna be a good thing that I learned those things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man, like yeah, it’s so easy to get locked into the go, go, go. And once you do, take that step back, it’s like, whoa. I don’t, I guess I have been like in fight or flight for the past eight years because I’ve just been doing so many weddings. So I did make that decision. That’s something I’m moving forward with, um, in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too. I want to do more teaching this year. But yeah, so weddings last year I got to do my first couple, um, further out of state weddings, which was exciting. I got to go to New York to do a wedding. Um, so yeah, just lots. Travel was kind of the theme of last year. Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

Christa Innis: I feel like that’s a really like common thing I hear, like, whether it’s like wedding industry or just like starting your own business. It’s like. It’s really exciting, like when your business grows and you just wanna say yes to everybody. And I’ve like, I feel like I’ve had so many conversations with people, they’re like, all of a sudden it just like hit me like I’m burned out.

I can’t say yes to everybody. I was talking to a wedding planner, I’m trying to think of what month it was, maybe like a month or two ago. A friend of mine and she was like, similar thing. Like she was like, I’m finally like toning it back, back with weddings a little bit because she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in that like wedding season. And she like, it’s just exhausting. But you’re just like, go, go, go. And you’re like, this is exciting, it’s fun. But then you realize like, I don’t have time to myself or like my body hurts. I’m actually like. Well, and

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Kendra Matthies: that’s the thing too. That’s something I really had to be mindful of.

I think I’ve shared this before, but I am somebody that I do struggle with chronic illnesses and I am physically disabled. I have my hip replaced. So I mean, I do feel like as I’m getting older, I do need to also be mindful of myself. Mm-hmm. Because there were times in recent years before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding. And actually, here’s a good little story for me to tell. I guess I had a wedding where it was at a hotel and I had a pretty decently long day on average. Nowadays, the most I will take alone to do makeup is probably about seven, maybe eight people, but probably closer to seven.

I don’t like to go over that too much because it’s just, that’s a lot of standing without being able to take a drink of water or go to the bathroom, things like that. Um, so I had, I wanna say around about eight people and I got done with the wedding. I had been there from like, I wanna say five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay. 12, one o’clock. Sorry. Math is not my strong suit at this moment. That’s okay. So let’s say I got done around like one, um, and I say goodbye to everybody. Everybody’s happy, everything’s awesome, and I knew I was not feeling well. Um, so one of the conditions I have, it’s called pots, which you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. For those who are listening who don’t know what that is. And in very, very, very basic terms, when I am standing, my heart rate is elevated. When I am in the heat, it gets elevated even more. That’s a trigger for me. Um, high stress situations can cause me to get like even worse.

So I get done with the, uh, wedding, take the elevator downstairs, uh, go out to my car and I put my stuff in my car. Sit down. I leaned back and I closed my eyes and I actually passed out. I didn’t realize that I did. Oh my gosh. But it was probably about, I would say, somewhere between like five to eight minutes before I like opened my eyes again.

And that’s when I realized that I needed to start calming down. I needed to start taking less weddings. So after that wedding that was, I wanna say in 24, leading into 25, I decided I just needed to really skill back. So I think that if it wouldn’t have been for something like that happening, I probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don’t have to have a chronic illness. You don’t have to be physically disabled, you don’t have to be anything to I. Need to know your limits, to need to know what your end goal really is. Do you want to constantly be in a state of stress with like panic all the time of planning or, um, you know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn’t be your life. Like, yeah, you should be able to have somewhat of a balance. And I did see somebody post something recently, like, does anyone know when I actually reach this work life balance? Like, is that even a thing? And I think that there’s no real set template of this is what works, this is what doesn’t work.

You kind of just have to figure it out as you go. And that’s kind of what I’ve had to do is just realize once I hit my limit, scale back until it feels. Comfortable.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s so funny you say that because I, I just made a video talking about, I don’t know if it was necess, I might have been kind of like implying work-life balance, but I did say something about like, one of the things I’m struggling with is trying to find balance.

’cause I feel like mm-hmm. The planner part in me always wants things to be like this. And when I’m not productive I get so hard on myself. And so I’ll have like days where I’m like, everything’s like done, that I need to, I check the boxes. And the other days where I’m just not productive and I’m just like, where’s this balance?

Or like, I feel like if I’m doing too much work, I’m not enough of a mom or I’m not enough of a wife or a friend. You know, that pull of like needing to do all these things. So I totally relate.

Kendra Matthies: I think that one thing that I heard in my life. From just a friend of mine, and I don’t even think she was trying to be any sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking. She said that if I’m ever over excelling in one portion of my life, I’m failing in another. Mm-hmm. And that has really stuck with me. And I don’t think that that’s negative, like necessarily a negative thing. I think that if you think of your life as right now, I want to be really excelling in my career, you have to also understand that that does equate that maybe you’re.

Weekends are a little bit less, your friend time is gonna be a little bit less, and it’s not ever to me that things will ever be 50 50 balance. I think that if you want to be excelling in one way, you have to give up a couple of things for it to be balanced so that you’re not trying to keep up with the friendships every single weekend we’re going out.

It’s just not possible. And then you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself when at the end of the day, especially in this type of career, when your own, you are your own boss, you’re setting your own goals and aspirations and things like that. The only person who is holding you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on yourself with things like that, you’re never gonna feel balanced. You’re never gonna feel like you’re accomplishing enough and you’re never gonna feel like you. You’ve done it, you’ve ne you’re never gonna feel comfortable. You’re never gonna feel stable. You’re always gonna be reaching for more or wanting to do more.

And it’s not bad to have goals and have aspirations, but you can’t, you can’t stress to yourself out to the point that you are holding yourself to not possible standards like it, it physically can’t happen. There’s 24 hours in a day. People love to say that. Mm-hmm. We’re not awake and going for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a person, whether you are just a person, person, whether you’re a business owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist, whatever, the balance doesn’t come 50 50. It’s how can I rearrange things in my life to feel like what I’m wanting to focus on right now? Is what I’m focusing on and I’m not stressing about trying to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm. I hope that makes sense.

Christa Innis: No, it totally does. No, I love that because it’s kinda like different seasons require different balances and different priorities. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, you made a good point. It was like last year was my first full year, I would say, as an entrepreneur. I started in 2023 of my own business, but last year with like the social media consulting and all that stuff.

And so I think I put like so much effort in it, but it was also my daughter’s second year of life. She’s like, I’m trying to think of like how the year’s worth Yeah. Versus birthdays so second year of life. So I’m like, oh, it’s such an important stage. And then there’s the mom guilt and so you like push it back and forth.

But I’m like, I also have the benefit of being home with her. So I do get to be home with her more than I think most working moms get to. So I kind have to remember like that’s, that’s a something that I get that, or what’s the word I’m looking for? That’s a. A privilege or an like, something that I have that not a lot of people are able to do.

So, um, so, you know, just kind of realizing those things and, and stepping outside of it is like, is important. So yeah. I feel like that was like a mini therapy session. Thank you.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. You’re welcome. Most of that comes to you via my therapist. Thank you Theresa. We love you. Thank you. Yes.

Christa Innis: I always hear things like that.

I’m like, maybe I should go back to therapy. I’m like, just so I have someone like talk to you about things like that. ’cause it’s like, no,

Kendra Matthies: I think everybody needs a therapist. I think everybody should go to therapy. Even if you don’t feel like you are struggling with something right now. Even if it’s not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean? I don’t think that, I don’t think that you will ever not benefit from having somebody to talk to that’s not biased, that can help you work through situations. Even if it’s just that you’re going through a hard time at work or. Kind of what we’re talking about. Like maybe you are struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn’t say when you’re struggling with those things, most people in your life are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy. Right. But I do think that if you are in therapy while you’re going through those things in your life, you’re gonna benefit from it. You’re never gonna be like, why did I even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always benefit from therapy. Oh,

Christa Innis: for sure. Yeah. I think it’s like one of those things where it’s just good to sometimes like say it out loud. Yeah. Because I even like the people that submit stories to me too, like these like wedding drama stories or relationship things. They, they always tell me at the end, or should say like a lot of times at the end they’re like, even if you don’t use this, it was really good for me just to like type it out.

’cause they’re like, it allowed me to like see what happened and understand how I feel about it. ’cause I think so many times, like we’re talking about is like, go, go, go. What the heck just happened? Oh, well next problem. You know, you kind of just push it aside. So I think it’s absolutely so beneficial. And I think therapy too is way less stigmatized than it was like when we were like children maybe.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: I’ve definitely gone to therapy multiple times in my life at like different points where like stress was super high or something was going on. But it’s funny, I’ve told someone this also in this one before, probably not on the podcast, but um, the last therapist I had, um, I loved her. She was great, but she like dismissed me at the end.

She’s like, all right, I think we solved the problem. We’re gonna be done now. And then, like she just said, I was done. And I remember telling my boss at the time, ’cause he’s really like, open about therapy and mental health. Yeah. It’s like, oh, I’ve never had that happen before. And I was like, I, that I’ve never had that happen to me either.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. I’ve, I’ve gone to therapy for the past. I wanna say that I started therapy in 2020 and I’ve been seeing the same therapist since then. And I’ve taken breaks, you know, when. I got off my parents’ insurance or whatever and I, well I can’t afford it right now. I gotta pay for that. Um, yeah. And then gotten back on with her and yeah, there’s never been a time even when I felt like I was doing well and the therapy was more of just like a moment for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Um. Where she’s been like, alright, great. The only thing I would say that she ever says is, do you feel like we still need to meet monthly? Or would you wanna maybe push it out to two months? That makes sense to me. But to be like, well, we solved the problem. I don’t think that therapy always needs to be, and I’m not saying that it’s never this way, but I don’t think that it always needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life. Things keep happening. Who’s to say that She didn’t say? Um, you know, we solved the problem. That’s it. And then a week later you have some major tragedy happen in your life and you have nobody to talk to.

Christa Innis: Yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I mean, you have friends, you have family, but you don’t have an unbiased person who knows how you think, knows how you processes things.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of odd. I’m sorry you

Christa Innis: had that experience. Oh yeah. It was so odd. I was just like, at the time I was like, oh, cool. And then later I was like, wait, is that supposed to happen? I don’t know. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe I need therapy to talk about that therapy.

Kendra Matthies: You’re like, actually,

Christa Innis: actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

Um, oh, there’s no topic. Whatever. We’re, we’re talking

Kendra Matthies: we’re yapping. It’s fine.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Back to pause really quick. I just have a quick question about that. So like, yeah, what was your first, like symptoms you just noticed like your heart rate would kind of increase

Kendra Matthies: a long time? So I have a little bit of an odd story kind of when it comes to my health in general.

Um, so I have always really struggled with, like, exercise was always really difficult for me and not in the sense of like, I don’t wanna do it, but it would be like, I don’t want to do it as a child and like I’m running, playing basketball and I’m great at sports and I’m awesome at like these things at a young age, but.

I’m having to like ask to get taken out to take a break and I’m like beat red and blood pooling in my legs and all that. Yeah. I really noticed it amping up after I had my hip replaced. Um, and I’ve, POTS is one of a few things that I deal with, but I mean, I was on, or not even my hip replace, I have had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental one to see if we could kind of push off the replacement so that I wouldn’t have to get multiple throughout my life. Um, but it only gave me like four-ish years of relief. Yeah. Um, so after that surgery I was still on the crutches from that surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing. I was at work. I’m gonna pause for a second ’cause my neighbor’s coming downstairs. No, you’re good. We’ll edit this out. Yeah.

Okay. So, um,

okay. So I had had my first hip surgery and I actually passed out at work, like smacked my head off of a counter. It was a whole thing. Paramedics had to come. It was not great. Um, but then I was noticing like it was just happening a lot more and. Mostly it was like starting to amp up. The more I was like stressed because I found out now for me, stress and the heat are like my biggest triggers when it comes to pot, my pots.

Um, and so I had a family member pass away and I had to sing at their funeral. And I don’t even remember the last like verse that I’m singing. Thank God I said the words correctly. Um, but I sang that stepped back. I was up in the balcony, so thankfully I wasn’t also in front of everybody. But I like stepped back, looked over to a family friend and was like, I’m gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine. Um, and then after my second surgery, my hip replacement, that’s when a lot of my other chronic illnesses started. Um, I also have a condition called mast cell activation syndrome, which. Basically for me, your mast cells are the cells that kind of check out foreign invaders, like things coming into the body and they go, we good or not good?

I’m not a medical professional, so if I’m saying this wrong, but I do know that they are the reason that histamine is put out. And so for me, my mast cells are kind of always activated, hence mast cell activation syndrome. Um, but what that means for me is I’ve developed a lot of allergies, um, and I can like develop new ones to random things and that might be just, I’m itchy, but it’s also like I go anaphylactic.

So I have to be, I’ve had a whole life shift because of all of that. Um, but because of my mast cell activation syndrome and um, pots. If one of them gets mad, the other one gets mad. So I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve, I mean, I’ve passed out quite a bit and not everyone with POTS will, that’s kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand up and instantly pass out. That’s not typically the case. Like some people will, but it’s more of like a constant state of feeling, um, like out of it, I guess. Like brain fog is massive with pots. Um, I, it’s, it affects your entire autonomic nervous system. So that’s like breathing, that’s like digestion.

That’s your heart rate, your temperature control, things like that. Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s affected me in a lot of ways, which is again, when I started realizing like, okay, this is affecting me when I’m taking too many weddings. That’s, I really need to step back, but. Definitely it was like heart racing. Um, I wear a device that’s called a visible armband.

I’m not wearing it today because I’m sitting, but it basically will show me second by second what’s going on with my heart rate and alert me if I’ve been in the red zone for too long, if I am, you know, more opt to, uh, need to take a break or anything like that. So, mm-hmm. I wear that now. But, uh, yeah, it, it’s not fun.

It’s definitely been one of the most debilitating things for me. Um, and I think that. It’s something that I wanna talk more about. So I’m glad that we get to talk about it here because we don’t, we don’t really get to see much representation of people that are entrepreneurs that are also dealing with things like this, or business owners that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it’s kind of stereotypical that it’s more like you’re a boss, babe, and you’re just go, go, go. Awesome. And what people don’t see with people like me who are chronically ill or whatever are, you know, the days that, I mean, I’ve even had here, this is, I’m at my store right now, but I’ve even had here where between clients I know I’ve got 20 minutes, I am not doing well, and I’m taking my emergency meds, I’m laying on the floor with my feet elevated for 15 minutes and then quick getting back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients. I’m just having to take breaks. So, yeah. That was a really long thing,

Christa Innis: but No, no, but that’s good. Like you said, it’s something that I think all people can learn more about and I think be able to see like the behind the curtain kind of thing because Yeah. Um, it’s, it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and so that’s why I was like really curious about like your first symptoms and then kind of how you handle it now when you know it’s like coming on or, you know, feeling a certain type.

Kendra Matthies: It’s, it’s hard too because the handling it thing isn’t really like, it’s one of those conditions that there’s a huge. Spectrum. You could be somebody with pots and if you’re listening to this now and you have pots that this is the case, please comment below because I want people to feel not alone, but you could be somebody with pots that you are on disability, you can’t get out of bed, you’re having people coming to your house, giving you IV infusions at home because you physically can’t stand.

Mm-hmm. It can be that severe. And then there’s people like me that are kind of somewhere in the middle, like in wedding season, which unfortunately for me is when here is obviously like summer fall, when it’s warmer. So I’m getting like at least monthly infusions, but people aren’t seeing that. I’m not showing that, oh, come with me to get my iv.

Right. Um, and then constantly taking salt pills so that my blood pressure stays somewhat level. Um, making sure that I’m like actually forcing myself to take. Drinks and stuff like that, working that time into my client’s timelines, things like that. Um, there’s this huge spectrum of pots and I think that it’s becoming more well known, which I’m really happy about, but I think that people aren’t seeing enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit like, oh, well if you have pots, why aren’t you just on disability? It’s not easy to do that. It’s not easy to, yeah. You know, so thank you for letting me talk about that. I’m really happy that I got to share that with people.

Christa Innis: No, of course. Yeah, and you make a good point too, about, I think like in general, when someone hear about a disability or an autoimmune, they’ll, they’ll relate to one person they know and they don’t realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe symptoms all the time, like you said, and some maybe internally battling every single day. And some might have some, uh, some smaller symptoms or, you know. Yeah. And so I think it’s important to see that there’s a wide span and to just, you know, give grace to people and kind understand it kind of, every situation might be a little bit different as well.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Christa Innis: Thank you for sharing that. No, I, I was curious ’cause uh, I, I didn’t really know much about it.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. Yes.

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

Christa Innis: Um, okay. So let’s get into some of the. Wedding hot takes before we get to the story. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Started a new thing since last time, because I don’t think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag? Mm. So you’re just gonna, I’m gonna say a sentence and then you’ll just say if it’s a red flag or a green flag.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Okay. Replacing a bridesmaid close to the wedding,

Kendra Matthies: that’s a hard one though, because I guess I know I should, I know you wanna answer a red flag, green flag. It really depends on the situation though. I know, I know. That’s a hard one. So, as a vendor, I would say maybe it’s red flag for planning purposes and like scheduling purposes, depending on how close, like if it’s the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like jarring, but I don’t wanna say it’s a full red flag because. If that person in your bridal party was going to be chaotic or causing you tons of stress, or maybe there’s been a massive falling out green flag, please don’t have them there. I don’t wanna have to be around that either.

I don’t wanna be set in in that stressful situation and I don’t want my client in that stressful situation. So, man, that’s a hard one. I would say that really depends, but I’m leaning, I guess, more towards green.

Christa Innis: I know. I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these scenarios, there’s so much, like so many details that could change it.

Yeah. It’s like everyone’s perspective and Yeah. Um, okay. Expecting attendance and every pre-wedding event. Say that again? Expecting attendance at every pre-wedding event. So the brides like you have to come to the engagement party, the shower, all that.

Kendra Matthies: No, that’s a red flag to me. You can’t expect everyone to be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose the plot on a lot when they’re brides is thinking that. I think when you’re a bride, that is the most important thing to you. That’s what the majority of your planning is going towards for at least a year in most cases. Um, so to you, that’s like end goal, most important thing.

That’s, think of the times that you’ve been in a wedding though. Maybe if it’s like your best, best friend, but like life goes on, you have other things going on. Maybe your, maybe somebody in your bridal party or an attendant or something. Maybe they have somebody else getting married. They can’t come. Like you can’t expect people to just always, always be there.

Is it nice? Yes. But I would never hold it against somebody if they couldn’t come to something. I mean, I had people RSVP yes to my wedding. I had a very small wedding. We had like 50 people. Mm-hmm. And I had people very close to me. RSVP. Yes. And they couldn’t come because of X, Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn’t like, oh my gosh, I’m never talking to that person again. I can’t believe they wouldn’t come. Like that’s, that’s a little bit of a red flag to me.

Christa Innis: I know. It always gets lost on me when they’re like, you must attend every single thing. My wedding’s the priority and I’m like, I realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is the, like, yeah, it’s important to me, but like I don’t expect it to be the most important thing to everybody else or anybody else for that matter. No. Yeah. I mean, that’s crazy. Like I have friends that couldn’t come to the Bachelorette or the shower and I was like, right, your family, your health, your whatever you’re going through goes, it’s first.

Exactly. We’ll, we will live. Um, okay. Um, cash bars, red or green cash

Kendra Matthies: bars. Um. Yeah, I haven’t really been to a wedding where that’s been the case. So Cash Bar explained to me, just to make sure I’m understanding, that’s where you’re like paying to add alcohol? Yeah, there’s

Christa Innis: just, yeah, they don’t, they probably don’t provide any drinks.

I’ve never been to a full cash bar either. Usually at least there’s or something. But yeah, it’s just like there’s no drinks provided. I would say, um,

Kendra Matthies: I would say that’s a little bit of a red flag if it’s fully a cash bar. Like if you’re not providing like any sort of refreshments, like that would kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something for somebody to drink. Um, but if it’s cash bar. Just for, I guess that’s also a little bit hard though. Like my family doesn’t really drink, so it would be like, we had nothing at my wedding. So I don’t know. I, I think that that kind of just depends on the person. I think that if your family is somebody that you are people that you know are gonna drink, um, and you know that maybe you can’t provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set drink or something that is free or included with the wedding, and then maybe if there’s something like extra that somebody wants, like Right. I don’t know. Yeah, I would, I’ve just not been to something like that.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like if they’re, yeah, if they’re not providing anything, like no kind of refreshment, I’m talking like even non-alcoholic.

Yeah. So if they’re not providing anything and expecting nice people to come, then sure. That’s a little bit of a red flag If they expect everybody to like pay for food and drinks once they’re there. Right. But if it’s like, oh, we’re just talking like. Your aunt prefers like this really fancy vodka, then Yeah, I think it’s a red flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Kendra Matthies: I totally agree. That’s exactly what I think. Board.

Christa Innis: Right, right. Doesn’t need to be an open bar or anything. Um, okay, last one. Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Kendra Matthies: Oof. To me girl, that’s gonna be a red flag. That is like, unless the only time I can ever see it be okay is one, it’s the couple announcing that they’re pregnant.

Like obviously, or if it’s been super well discussed and maybe the couple has asked for this to happen there otherwise.

Christa Innis: Die.

Kendra Matthies: That’s, yes. So I probably wouldn’t do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s crazy To me, that’s

Christa Innis: like one of those things I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started getting story submissions.

Yeah. And the amount of times where it’s like someone wants to announce someone else’s pregnancy at the wedding, like once where I read was like the, um, mother-in-law wanted to announce the younger brothers. His girlfriends. Oh, I think I saw

Kendra Matthies: your story about that. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, that was one. And then there was another one like last year that was like kind of similar where the couple, well they asked the couple and the couple said no, and they mom Oh, then media red

Kendra Matthies: flag.

Yeah. Yeah. The mom

Christa Innis: was still bringing in like a, the, the box to like surprise everybody with, and then still did like a mini celebration of the table even after they said, no.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild. To me. That is up, that’s up there with like, if somebody is getting married and they’re like, Hey, photographer, my husband and I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement photos at this person’s wedding? Yes. Like it’s that level to me where it’s just a common courtesy thing to like not do that. Mm-hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t, even if I was at somebody’s like. They just graduated college. We’re having this really fun party. I wouldn’t be like, Hey guys, by the way, like, make this about me.

Like there’s moments in life where it’s not about you. Yeah. I think that’s a big thing to remember is sometimes it’s not your turn. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. It’s this person’s turn, it’s their moment to shine. And unless they are super, like, please, I want you to

Christa Innis: just let them shine.

Kendra Matthies: It’s just, it’s just rude.

It’s just rude.

Christa Innis: Yeah. We don’t need to always turn it back to us. Right,

Kendra Matthies: right.

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. I’m gonna do a couple of, would you rathers and then we’ll get into our story. Okay. These are like more like makeup kind of, um, focus. Okay. Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Kendra Matthies: Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00 AM I don’t like feeling rushed. I hate it. It makes me so stressed and anxious and my luck. I’m gonna like, think that I’m putting it on good and then I get out and I’m looking like the joker. Like I just, no, I would rather start earlier.

Christa Innis: My gosh. Totally. I hate, like, I, I think I said this before, but like I, when I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt like they put me at the earliest slot.

’cause they’re like, oh, we know you wake up early. That was also Preki. Um, they’re like, we know you wake up early. So I’d be like in my chair, like half asleep. But I did like just being done and then I could just like hang out with everybody. Yeah. I didn’t have to rush or worry. Like, ’cause sometimes being some of the later ones, you’re like, are we gonna have time?

Or you’re like, oh, a

Kendra Matthies: hundred percent. Yeah. And for me too, like what I like to do personally to avoid that. And if you’re a makeup artist listening, I always, let’s say they tell me they need to be done by three, we’re gonna be done by two. Like I wanna give that little bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional gift that somebody was given and like they completely like, like, I wanna have time for things. People get stuck in traffic, things happen. So always give yourself a little bit of extra time. And for any brides or somebody that’s getting married, that’s listening, just because when you are getting ready on the every day, it might take you an hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time is, its whole different. Thing like it is so different. You might be thinking, wow, my makeup artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We don’t have to be done till three. That’s crazy. And then when you’re getting done, you’re like, how has the day flown by? How have we, like where did that go?

That’s what I hear 99% of the time at weddings. It is just like, whoa. That day went by so fast. Like, ah. So always give yourself a little extra time that you think, I know it’s,

Christa Innis: you don’t think of like the random person popping in to say hello and like, yes, you step by or setting up food for your brides.

You know? You just don’t think those little things. You don’t think about it running to the bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room. Like Exactly. There’s always something. So

Kendra Matthies: something. Yes. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, would you rather a bridesmaid hate her makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

Kendra Matthies: Um, would I rather bridesmaid hate their makeup or when you say refuse their look and do their own, like, they just are like, I don’t want you to do my makeup.

Don’t want,

Christa Innis: yeah.

Kendra Matthies: I’d rather them do their own. Like if they’re gonna hate it the way that I do it, you don’t need me to do it. Like, if you’re good at what you’re gonna do and you’re already happy with how you do your makeup, don’t feel like you have to get your makeup done. I don’t, I would rather that, because that just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup done is gonna go into it knowing that they’re gonna hate it probably. Or just I know my features better. I’ve never liked my makeup done by somebody else. They’re gonna go into it that way. The makeup artist is gonna be thinking of all the ways that they can try to make that not happen and make the person happy just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah. If you know you’re somebody that you just don’t like getting your makeup done by somebody else. Just do it yourself, even if you are the bride, the groom, whoever. Like just do it yourself. It doesn’t,

Christa Innis: yeah. I feel like if you’re like super picky, like you need to just do it yourself if you know what you’re doing.

Um, yeah, know yourself in those moments. ’cause like I’m, when I’m a bridesmaid, I love getting my makeup done. I like, I, I just trust the makeup artist. I’m like, you know what you’re doing. And, but I have friends that like, they’re just very particular and they’re just good at their own makeup and they do it.

And like about knowing yourself.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. For myself, like I did my own makeup on my wedding day and that was because I enjoy the process of putting makeup on. I enjoy like doing it myself. But if I were somebody that didn’t enjoy that and you’re like, man, every time I do my makeup, I hate it. Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even if it’s like, I can’t afford a makeup artist. Maybe you have a really talented friend or something that does makeup really well, it’s okay to do that too. You don’t have to. But on the flip, don’t think like we’re saying that you have to have a makeup artist. If you’re like, I’m good at what I do.

It’s not a necessity. You don’t need a makeup artist to get married. You need a officiant, you need a venue, you need a wedding dress. Those are needs, this is wants and luxuries. You don’t have to have it.

Christa Innis: Right, totally. Um, would you rather one bridesmaid be 45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be overly controlling about the schedule?

Kendra Matthies: I would definitely have somebody that’s maybe a little bit more controlling about the schedule because. I’d rather have somebody that’s on me about the times and whatnot versus somebody who is just so nonchalant than I am anxious, everything’s running behind. I’m probably gonna get blamed for the fact that things are behind, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’d rather have somebody way more on me about the time, because me personally like I am. So it might not seem it if you’re any of my clients watching this now, but in that moment, I mean, what I do, and this is a little tip too, for makeup artists, for weddings, like I set my schedule. Uh, as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay. And I’m, every couple little bit, I’m clicking it to see, to make sure that I’m good and to somebody, it just looks like I’m checking the time, but I’m really like seeing how I’m doing on time. So shoot, if somebody wants to be the little voice in my head that’s already happening when I’m doing this, like, sure, I’d rather have that than somebody be late.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that because yeah, it’s like when bridesmaid be a little late, but they don’t always realize how much that could push back everybody else. Especially like, what if it’s a wedding where there’s only three or four bridesmaids than you’re kind of reshuffling everybody. But it’s good to, it’s good to have that schedule.

Like when I’m, when I’ve been hired for like Day of Coordinators, I’m like on it, I’m, I’m the same as you. I’m like checking. I’m like, okay, all right. Where’s our next bridesmaid? You’re on deck when she’s done, you’re swapping like,

Kendra Matthies: because again, it goes back to the whole thing. That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different than an everyday type of thing. You have to be so scheduled because yeah, one little thing can really throw off a whole day. And I’ve had it in the past where I had a bridesmaid be super late and it almost made it to where I couldn’t do the grandma’s makeup. Like the grandma would’ve just not had makeup.

I made it work. Yeah, bride not happy with me because of the delay, but I made it work because I’m not gonna let somebody’s grandma not have makeup. That’s crazy. That would make me sad. So, yeah. Um, but yeah, it’s so easy to throw off an entire day without even realizing it because 45 minutes, me, I block out an hour for makeup.

Um, but that’s including like cleaning in between time for me to like, you know, take a drink or whatever. So it’s really more 45 minutes. So if you think about it, if you’re 45 minutes late, you’re pushing the day, a whole appointment slot back, like that is a lot of time.

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. No, that’s a, that’s a great point.

All right. Let’s just get into today’s story because they always, you always end up being a little bit longer than I think. So let’s just get into it. Okay. Um, and feel free to stop me or pause anytime if you, likewise, we just back the note. As we go. All right. I was the Maître d’ for all types of events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat priced buffet with no alcohol for gospel groups, prayer gathering. They danced, sing, and filled the room with joy. The staff loved watching and listening to them, and we never had a single issue. We genuinely looked forward to their visit. One of the young women from the group decided she wanted her wedding there on a Sunday afternoon with the group present.

Um, I walked her through everything, the theme menu, colors, ceremony, flow, flowers, readings, dances, bar options, extra servers, sleeping arrangements for the newlyweds, backup. Well, this is a lot. Um, backup plans for the bad weather and even contingency plans for family issues. Okay, they got it all. We had the, yeah, we had the space for six hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically use the room for only two to two, and then for only two to two and a half hours on the regular Sundays. So I’m thinking they wanted to rent, they wanted them to sing at her wedding is what I’m guessing some, yeah. It’s

Kendra Matthies: sounding like she wants ’em to be very involved with the day.

Yeah. She, because it says they want the guests present that are normally there on Sundays.

Christa Innis: Yes. Okay. Okay. So she wants them to be there. Okay. They were allowed joyful and energetic, but never obnoxious. Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe. Yeah. The first deposit to hold the date and the the first deposit to hold the date and room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months, the bride and groom agreed to every recommendation we made. Used all our preferred vendors, and sometimes even brought me homemade baked goods. We clicked really well. The only request they made beyond my cake recommendation was an extra tier and specific symbol to honor their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at no additional charge. That’s nice. Yeah. That’s really nice. Um, as the second deposit approach, they continued adding upgrades and RSVPs were higher than expected. We needed additional servers, more food, extra tables, and more rentals overall. They also decided to move the wedding up by three weeks to the earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh. Oh. How, I’m wondering how like, how late into the planning this was because Yeah, that’s a pretty big shift. Yeah. And like schedules adding people. Okay. Okay. She said that wasn’t an issue, but it did mean we couldn’t get the exact same linen colors in time and they needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second deposit due date the same as the original planned and not move it up. Two weeks before the wedding, I checked in again. Everything was fully planned and it was a lot. I heard nothing back three days before the wedding. I left messages for the couple and both mothers while also confirming flowers, linens, staff, transportation, and final details the following afternoon Friday.

So they didn’t, they still haven’t heard from them. Oh my gosh. That’s, I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: it’s okay. We are like crunch time and we’ve not heard anything. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Christa Innis: I’m locked in. I know. I’m always like, what do you do at that point where you’re constantly like calling them, emailing them, nothing? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the bride’s uncle arrived with a check covering the remaining balance. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but at that point we proceeded. Wasn’t thrilled that the uncle came or that they were like.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. ’cause I mean that payment probably would be late, I would imagine. I feel like most things don’t take payments that close.

Christa Innis: Yeah, because we’re talking, she doesn’t say when the date was, but she’s saying all of a sudden before the wedding, they still hadn’t paid, they didn’t hear anything back.

Kendra Matthies: Well, then we’re at three days before the wedding. Yeah. So we’re like close. Close. So I can see where they’re stressed. Like you’re not talking to us and it’s not you that’s bringing in the final check.

It’s some random relative, like Yeah, you never called back. Were they involved? Yeah. Were they involved with this relative before? Is this person just showing up like Yeah, I’d probably be a little frustrated as well.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering like for venues. If you don’t get that second deposit, I’m sure they have a right to either add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because they’re holding all, I mean, maybe they end up losing money then, but, ’cause I’m like, where’s like the, the stickler for you have to pay us this day, or Yeah. Something happens, we lose this. You can’t have this amenity or, you know, something like that.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Okay.

Christa Innis: Um, the wedding began at noon just as their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful. While photos were being taken, I showed the mother of the bride the reception room. So it’s weird. Everything’s just like going as normal even though they Yeah. We’re just like

Kendra Matthies: going forward. Even though nobody was confirming anything. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

Christa Innis: Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing apart the reception room. The linen colors were wrong. The tables were too far from the windows where a large buffet had been set up overlooking the golf course. The dance floor was too large. Even though most guests danced at their tables, the cake was missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she’s saying it wasn’t. These are all the things that the mother Earth bride was saying. Okay. And it was crooked. It wasn’t, the lighting was too dim and felt solemn. The servers were dressed too formally. One server hunched too much. She didn’t like my dress. She’s

Kendra Matthies: talking to the, your server has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain things, and we’ll hear more of the story. I understand. Okay. You don’t, what if that person has a back issue? You dunno. Why are we going after the servers themselves? Like, that’s kind of crazy to me. It’s wild. That’s wild. Okay.

Christa Innis: Yes. You don’t know anything about this person. Yeah.

What in the world make that comment? Like, they’re doing their jobs, aren’t they? They’re, they’re like helping. Right. Like, oh my God. And then then to say she didn’t like her dress, the person doing it, she’s saying she didn’t like my dress. It clashed. So the person that sent in this email that runs these letters?

Yeah. Can you imagine? I’d be like, okay. Like, sorry. Right.

Kendra Matthies: That’s what I chose to wear. That’s wild. Okay. Bizarre.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. The flowers were too sparse. Uh, too sparse. She, there were too many ribbons. She was irate. I was completely dumbfounded. And that’s a problem too. Well, I mean it’s, there’s so many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has some power coming in. It’s like she’s not the client. Yeah. But it weird that she, they just stopped hearing from the bride and groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Kendra Matthies: Right. And it’s weird to me too, that, I mean, weddings that I’ve been to my wedding, we very much discussed like what the layout was going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, like, we did let them know that the linens wouldn’t be able to be the same because of whatever. So they were aware of that. Maybe this mom isn’t aware of the change. Okay. But also what, who are, who are you? Like, I get you’re the mom, but you’re also like not the deciding factor.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like it was something where. The mom wasn’t as involved as she wanted to be or something.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: And it sounds like, like the person that wrote this, I always say it’s a little biased ’cause she’s the one that sent it to us. Right. So I’m like hearing her perspective, but I’m like, sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

She’s done all these weddings and events before. Right. So I’m sure they’re following the contract, following the plan. The mom’s, she’s like, I don’t like this. This is not what I envisioned. Or she’s embarrassed because she wants her family to see something different. Or I,

Kendra Matthies: that’s just so, it’s so silly to me too because let’s say all of these things are the genuine, like the bride comes in and ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been? You haven’t like been communicating with us to like even know, maybe the original discussion was that there were gonna be this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion was that the flowers were gonna be how they’re gonna be if you’re not having. ’cause it’s sounding to me like the venue is providing most, if not all of the setup.

Mm-hmm. So it’s not like they’re having to coordinate multiple different vendors. It’s sounding like it is the venue that’s doing this. So how that communication between the couple and the venue itself got so lax. Mm-hmm. It is strange to me, like, yeah. Okay. I just, I need to

Christa Innis: hear more. I need to Very on.

Okay. It says she stormed off and I went back to business as usual. This was a $16,000 wedding. Absolutely. All out. That seems low to me, but I don’t know. I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses. At first I was like

Kendra Matthies: 16, but then I’m like, actually no, that’s like pretty low. Yeah. At least in this area. Michigan. I know.

I don’t know where this

Christa Innis: was, but yeah, I feel like golf course weddings, like when we were just kinda like, just kind of getting ideas. I feel like golf courses were like the most expensive ’cause it was like, oh yeah, resort vibes, everything included. And so I feel like those were like at least 50 if not way higher.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. I don’t know.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, so it said, um, intros finished first stance is done, speech is complete. Dinner music began, the buffet was destroyed, completely cleaned out. So it was destroyed in a good way. I think she means

Kendra Matthies: Okay. Like demolished the food. They ate it all. Yes. Okay. That’s what I’m gathering.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, shiny. Yeah. Um, shiny Cha-cha chafers chafer. Yeah. I’m like, okay, I was gonna pronounce that wrong. And all music continued, some dancing followed, and then the mother of the groom approached me. She said the food was awful. The servers were slow, people were spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from another bar into the building. The dance floor was a slippery hazard. The linens were dry after people ate, or No? The linens were dirty after people ate. My gosh. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was headed. The hints for a massive discount started shortly after.

Oh, here we go. Oh

Kendra Matthies: no, they don’t wanna pay. They don’t want to pay. They don’t want to pay. Hopefully they’ve already cashed that check, girl. And it didn’t bounce like this.

Christa Innis: What it’s for, the Dirty Dan or the Dirty Linens thing reminded me. I saw this thing where an influencer was trying to do something or she was getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the floor and was like the place was dirty. And then the owners came out and they were like, she was there right after like a 12 party or a 12 person party just got up and left and she filmed right under the table. So it’s just all about like if you’ve never worked in a restaurant or,

Kendra Matthies: yeah.

That’s wild to me. The linens are dirty. I mean, aren’t they there to like. Get used and like to protect like the tables and to like look nice. Like, yeah. I mean, your wedding dress is gonna be dirty by the end of the night, by the, like the bottom of it. You know, you’re using the item.

Christa Innis: Yes. That’s wild. And again, saying servers were slow, that you’re gonna, you’re gonna complain about that.

Kendra Matthies: That’s wild to me. Okay. And clearly the food wasn’t that bad if everybody ate it all.

Christa Innis: Yep. Yep. That, oh my gosh. Then I heard screams, oh my god. Sure enough, the cake was on the floor. They claimed a server knocked it over while rushing for plates. She did not. And no, this was 2001. Okay, there we go. So it was 2001.

That’s price. So much has changed since then. So much. 16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Kendra Matthies: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah,

Christa Innis: she did not, and no, this was 2001, no cameras. Suddenly the older women erupted into crocodile tears, wailing and chanting praises. They cried that the souls wait, what? The souls of those honored on the cake had been desecrated.

So now they were not saying, now they’re saying because the server knocked it over. It was like an insult to the, the loved ones that were, the cake was for there.

Kendra Matthies: So let’s say that a server did knock it over. That is a. You are jumping over the Grand Canyon, my friend, to say that that is a disrespect on a deceased loved one.

Yeah. I can see somebody going up to the cake, taking whatever that symbolic thing was, chucking it at the wall. Like, okay, yeah, you’re being disrespectful to that. Mm-hmm. If something accidentally gets knocked over, my first thought would not be, oh, my family members, I can’t believe. Like, ah, like that, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Christa Innis: And by everything that we’ve learned so far, I’m like, they’re just looking for all of this to like add up. They’re, they’re thinking of all the dollar so that they can get back basically.

Kendra Matthies: Absolutely. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. She said the accusations went on and on. Eventually the night wound down, the room was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back. Gosh. Oh no. That, uh, like even when I hear stories like this about like someone going into a restaurant, and you can tell from the beginning they complain about every little thing. I mean, I used to work in the restaurant industry, I stopped all the time. Yeah. You see it, right?

It’s like, you know, the second those people sit down, these are someone pe someone that’s gonna complain, they want a discount. And I was more than happy, like if something was wrong or if something, you know. Oh, for sure. Even a discount. I’ll take it off completely. Yeah. But you can tell right away when it’s someone that’s gonna complain about everything.

Even like, they’ll drink, like they’ll Dr. Pepper or, or Sprite and they’ll be like, something’s off in this. Something’s off. Yeah, okay, we’ll get it checked. Or it’s a brand new, you know, anything would be wrong. Right? So when it’s something like this, like a wedding, $16,000 and they’re gonna be like, we want our money back.

Kendra Matthies: No, and I, I can see it being, and maybe you’ve had this experience too, I can also kind of get the vibes of when I’m gonna have a client ask me for a refund. And it’s always, it always seems to be the ones that I am the most lenient with or the ones that I try to give like extra things to, to be nice that end up coming back and expecting more and then wanting a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason I, yeah. So if they say you give an

Christa Innis: inch, they take a mile or something, those kind

Kendra Matthies: 1000%, that is definitely the case. So sounding like that is this case? Yeah. Okay. How does this end?

Christa Innis: Um, okay. It says that’s when we learned they had assumed they were paying the same rate. As the usual two hour Sunday buffet lunches, despite having a signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look at that and just assume, like,

Kendra Matthies: and is it really that they assumed or they thought that because they were such a come every Sunday group that they could just talk their way into it and get that discount after the fact? Right. But you should never sign a con. I’m looking at my camera at this moment.

I know I’ve been looking all around. Right. Never sign a contract for an amount, assuming that it’s not going to be that amount. Yeah. That is

Christa Innis: crazy. To me, contract is a, it’s locking you in. It’s literally telling you what you owe when you pay it. Like yes. Wow. I, I don’t understand how you could assume like that’s just.

Um, I don’t wanna say ignorance, but that’s being, being extremely naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay. I, I’ll we come here every Sunday for a two hour of buffet. I’m like, that’s way different than a wedding.

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Kendra Matthies: That is way different from a wedding that you’re getting linens, you’re having people catering your food, you’re having florals, you’re having sounding like music maybe was even provided, like what they were listing all of the stay for the bride and groom for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect that to be the same as a little buffet that they do every Sunday is insanity. Yeah. And it’s sounding very entitled to me. Like that’s the vibe that I get. Mm-hmm. That they just probably thought going into this. Like I said that, oh, well we come here every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It’s giving, well, I know the owner vibe. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that’s the vibe that it gives and it’s like. Okay, cool.

Christa Innis: You’re like, so do I.

Kendra Matthies: So do I. And this is still how much it is like, yeah.

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. I’ve seen so many skits about that where someone’s like, well, I know the owner. And they’re like, okay, well get in line all these people.

Kendra Matthies: favorite thing when that would happen to me is they would be like, well, I know the owner, can’t you just gimme a discount? And I’d be like, I know my dad too. Like my dad owned the restaurant that I worked at, so that always killed me. I’d be like, yeah, same

Christa Innis: like, yeah. And I also like anyone that says that like wouldn’t, if you’re going to your friend’s restaurant or someone you knows, restaurant, wouldn’t you want to contribute to a small business or help them out?

And that’s

Kendra Matthies: the thing too. I have never been in a situation that I can think of that I’m ever going to a friend’s business or going to have a friend do anything for me that I am like asking for a discount or I’m expecting a discount. I mean. I had a friend do, she’s my hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her. I still tipped her well, like just ’cause she’s done my hair forever and we’ve been friends for however long. Like that would be super weird of me to just like assume that that would be free or discounted or something. So, yeah. That’s the vibe I’m getting with this though, is that they assumed that,

Christa Innis: I’ve always noticed it’s the people you’re, that are more acquaintances or know you through people that do it.

Yeah. It’s never like a real friend. Yeah. ’cause I don’t, I don’t think I’ve said this on the podcast before, but like years ago, so like I do art like, well again, this was Preki. I haven’t done a lot of art in a while, but I used to do like charcoal art drawings and I’ve done a lot of stuff for weddings, like art-wise, like creating like trees with a thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah. Anyway, so years ago I was like a guest of a guest at a wedding. So like my friend’s old friend, like neighbor was, was getting married. She’s like, you guys should come with us. It was a very laid back wedding. More the merrier. Yeah. The week before, the bride was like, can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice. Like, I’m like early twenties at the time. Like no boundaries. Just one people pleased and I’m like, normally I probably would’ve charged like a fair price. Probably would’ve been. A hundred to $200 because it takes, it takes a while. Yeah. But I was like, okay, maybe I’ll charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don’t get me a gift. And I’m like, oh, okay. Like I already had a gift that I bought. Yeah. And I was like,

Kendra Matthies: okay.

Christa Innis: And then literally I started, learned my lesson, but then a like a year later I was like doing charcoal drawings for people and um, you know, people are, you know, paying whatever. She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I went there, I went and brought it to the house. Like a whole family charcoal drawing. It took Yeah. Hours. Hours. And I’m like, I broke, just recently Graduated college kid. Yeah. And um, she was like, oh, I don’t have cash on me. Like, just tell me what it is and I’ll like send you money later.

Never did. And I like, it’s so dumb now, but in my mind I’m like, that’s that kind of person that just expects a discount. Yeah. ’cause they know you somehow.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. No, I will say like. I have been a bridal makeup artist for 10 years now, and it’s always the person who was randomly in my English class freshman year of high school that’s like, Hey, girl, I’m getting married.

Um, what are your rates? And me sending them, whoa. Well if you want my, uh, pricing guide, feel free to email my assistant. She’ll get that sent over to you. Oh my gosh, no girl. Like, you can just send them in here. Like, it’s fine, like Facebook Messenger. And I’m like, no, it’s easier for me to keep things, you know, compact.

And they’re like, oh, well, is there any way that I could get like a friend and family discount since we know each other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’ve had that happen so many times, and I’m like, honestly, I don’t. I, I don’t know, like anything about you, like, yeah, how, how much friends are we do it. I was going through it when I was in high school, like my junior, my sophomore to end of junior year is when that first hip surgery stuff was happening.

And like they say that pain erases memory or whatever sometimes, and that’s why like I’ve heard, oh well people who have uh, kids might be UPT to have kids again, even if the first birth was like awful because they just like forget the pain or whatever. Which I don’t know how true that is, but I will say, yeah, like there are huge lapses of my memory from that time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street, random person in my Facebook messenger thing, like I probably wouldn’t even know that was you. Mm-hmm. So why would you think that I would wanna give you a discount? Like that’s just wild to me. Well, they’re the same

Christa Innis: ML N people that want you to join their team. Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never talked, but I’m during this, I started this new ml, it’s gonna save your life. And I’m like, yeah,

Kendra Matthies: well, and I get that all the time too. Maybe you do too. Now that you have a following is like online and everything is the amount of people who are like, you should do this because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I’m like, I’m honestly like so good. Thanks though. Like I don’t, so good. Thank you. Like I, I’ve actually never been more Okay. Not doing that. Like, I don’t

Christa Innis: want to do that. Like, like more the reason to not do it. Thank you. Yeah. And

Kendra Matthies: the amount of people too, and maybe you’ve had this as well, that are like, could you use my song in the background of your video?

And they’re like a random person from freshman year of high school that has like a SoundCloud or whatever it’s called. I’ve

Christa Innis: not had that. That’s what I get,

Kendra Matthies: that I get people, oh, can I collab with you? I need to get more views on my stuff because I do X, Y, and Z. And it’s like a random person I haven’t talked to since I was in like, like I was 13.

Like, I’m like, no, I don’t know you anymore. Like you are just because you knew me at a blip of my life, you do not just have access to me 24 7. Like, that’s just, that’s wild to me. Yeah. Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

Christa Innis: we bolted because I feel like it’s such, it’s such a common thing. Like, so when we read something like this, I’m like, oh.

I know that person, if you’re listening, don’t do that. Yeah. Don’t do that to people. Always offer to pay full price for friends. Yeah. Family. And then if later they wanna come back and be like, you know what? I wanna throw in this for free because you’re my friend then. Awesome. Yeah. But

Kendra Matthies: yeah, I mean, for me, and they probably don’t even know I do this, but like my dad’s employees, I give them my friend and family discount because they work for my dad.

They probably don’t even know that I do that, but it’s something that I add on. But if, but it to me, if it was like a new employee of my dad and they’re like, can I get a discount? I’d probably be a little bit more like, like what? That’s odd. Like, don’t do that. Like, don’t expect things, I guess is what I, what we’re trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Christa Innis: Ab, absolutely. So she says, um, so it ends with saying, so says, despite having signed the contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm. No one tipped some servers were even in tears. Others finally snap back verbally. And at one point we, and at that point we allowed it. So I’m wondering if this is all just happening right there, because I’m wondering why the servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers go home and then maybe the next week we’re, they’re like trying to demand money. But I don’t know if this is, this sounds like later on in that night it’s

Kendra Matthies: happening. Like in the night you’re like, which I will say, and this is maybe a controversial thing, but I don’t ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things it’s a little bit more com. Like it’s common to do it. Like I probably always would tip a server. Mm-hmm. But if I were, you know, a venue or whatever, you should always have your pricing be to the point where if something like this happens and nobody’s getting tipped, your server isn’t in tears because they didn’t feel like they made enough money, it should still be like mm-hmm.

The base rate should still be good.

Christa Innis: I agree with you.

Kendra Matthies: To me, and this is how, and it’s different. I will say if you’re going out to eat, totally different, totally different. Because I know that minimum wage is like $2 or something, and you’re living off of your tips in that. Like you’re supplementing with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it’s wrong and if it is, please correct us. I don’t know. But I would imagine that when you’re working as a server for an event like this, you’re probably getting more of like an hourly base rate that’s like less than or more than the $2 minimum wage, because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine that that should be more. Common.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I, I can’t speak obviously for all events, but I used my, my job in college, I worked at a hotel and I worked in the bar and like I was a cocktail server, but we obviously hosted events and so there were banquet servers and from my memory, they made like $11 an hour, like they were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant servers were making like five, six. Yeah. They were more inclined to get tipped. So as far as I remember, in banquets you don’t typically get tipped as a server. Yeah. Maybe bartenders will get like cash. Yeah. I can

Kendra Matthies: see, I can see bartenders, but even, yeah, me thinking of any time I’ve attended a wedding, I don’t think that I’ve ever like tipped the person that’s bringing me the plated meal.

Right. Or serving the buffet. I can’t, I don’t like think that. So to play devil as advocate on that one little, little speck, I will say. Yeah. I do think that the tipping thing. That’s, yeah, not, that’s not something that you should just expect. Like even me as a makeup artist, I get probably like 75% of my client’s tip, but it really doesn’t bother me either way because I make sure that my pricing is to where I feel like I’m comfortable after expenses or whatever, that I made money.

I don’t, you shouldn’t be relying on your tips, I guess is what I’m saying, right. For this type of a job Servers. Yeah. In the real everyday you’re working at like Bob Evans or something. I understand. Tip your servers and stuff. Yeah. I just, yes, please tip your normal servers. But I don’t know if that’s common practice for Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me wonder if they didn’t typically do this kind of thing. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, but they sound

Kendra Matthies: so, they sound so like prepared for it though. Yeah. I don’t know. Yeah. Anyways, so little tidbit. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Interesting. They didn’t get tipped and they’re crying, so, and then it says, others finally snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to allow the servers to snap at the customer.

Kendra Matthies: I understand when tensions are really high and situations are really heated to get caught in the heat of the moment. But as a, whether you’re the manager, whether you are the owner, whatever it is, your responsibility to make your uh, employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I’m gonna handle it. You have to be the one to handle the situation. You can’t because all that’s gonna do is crave more and more heat. And more heat. More heat, and that’s, everybody’s just gonna be mad. So yeah. Allowing your employees to be. Even in a position where they’re feeling like they need to go back and forth like that, like once you start to notice that the heat is coming on a little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you? What’s, what’s the problem? You shouldn’t put your employee in that position because I know that weddings that I’ve been to a lot of the times, the servers, they are like in their late teens, early twenties. That’s a lot to put on someone young. Like that’s a lot. Yeah. So I feel like that’s another thing I would interject in is in this situation it would’ve maybe been beneficial.

I know we don’t know how this ends yet, but to have the employees kind of step aside and you handle it one person, because if you’re yelling at a bunch of different people, nobody’s getting their point across. Nobody’s listening.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like at this point, the, the tips, at least of their concerns, they might not even wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah. Um, so it says, come Monday the check bounced. So no, they didn’t cash the check. I’m wonder, oh, it makes me wonder, oh wait, there’s another paragraph, so lemme read it first. Okay. Says their head pastor called to inform us they would not be paying. He warned that if we pursued the matter, the congregation would countersue, claiming we intentionally sabotaged a young, naive, God-fearing couple’s wedding under the guise of miscommunication, even though they signed a contract

Kendra Matthies: that is, whoa.

Okay. Sorry.

Christa Innis: Oh, she says when it was actually reckless discrimination and somehow they won.

Kendra Matthies: Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

Christa Innis: It sounds like either She doesn’t say there was definitely a lawsuit. She just says he warned that if we pursued it, they would countersue and then just ends with. They won.

So I’m wondering if there was, they did sue them. ’cause they were like, we, we didn’t get paid.

Kendra Matthies: Whoa. First off, how any judge is letting that win over a signed contract is bonkers to me. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I need to get into my business owner mind for a second here. Yeah. Why, why allowing. Okay. Thinking that it’s 2001.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. We’re talking 25 years ago. Yeah. I feel old. I see 2001. I’m like, oh, it was like 10 years ago. 25 years ago. I’m like,

Kendra Matthies: I was, I was, I’m 28 so I was like, three what? Right. Two or three, like, um, okay. Wow. Anyways, but like I know things have updated, things have changed a lot in those 25 years, but I. I think that it’s a little bit crazy to accept just a check from a random person and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that. Maybe it was, they said it was three days before, so if it’s a Monday, it would’ve been a Friday. Okay, but

Christa Innis: you think they waited till the banks were closed so they couldn’t cash it? Maybe,

Kendra Matthies: but at that point, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m needing a cashier’s check. I’m needing like a money order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious that the funds are there, especially if communication has been so lax where I haven’t even gotten to talk to my client in weeks. Yeah, that’s, that’s wild to me. What I would say nowadays, me personally, if I’m accepting a check from a client, it has to be like a cashier’s check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting just a check because. It has the potential to bounce. Mm-hmm. And you are still, especially in this situation when there’s so much involved makeup, obviously that sucks for me. Maybe I was looking, maybe I just replenished a lot in my kit and this was money that I thought was coming that I’m going to be able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it’s sounding like this one provides, you still have to pay people. Like you still have Yeah. Things that have to be paid for. And now that that’s bounced, like whoa.

Christa Innis: And I’m wondering how much that first deposit was for Like, usually I feel like when I got married it was like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah. Then it was like 50 ma. I don’t know. So I like, it does like little increments. Yeah. So I’m like, that’s not gonna cover their food or No. Like they ate all the food. That’s right. And they’re gonna like live with themselves. Knowing that they, they scam these people. Yeah. The, the, I should make it clear the people getting married, the families getting married.

Right, right. Scam the venue because they knew what they were doing. Because no one signs a contract thinking it’s gonna be, oh, we do a two hour buffet here. It’s the same as a wedding. Hey, do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. For us, it’s gonna be the same.

Kendra Matthies: I guess I’m also confused who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom? Was it who signed this? Because why does the head pastor at their church get to be involved in this lawsuit at all?

Christa Innis: Yeah, that’s a great point. Why is he a part of this discussion?

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, that doesn’t matter. Like, that’s him

Christa Innis: being like the, using like the god like hierarchy of like, oh, you use this, this very religious family, and you’re, you’re making them look bad, so don’t you do dare do that.

So it’s almost like him being like, I’m a pastor. Let me. Say it so they, which

Kendra Matthies: why is a pastor doing that? Yeah. You’re

Christa Innis: not a part of the family. You didn’t pay didn’t, you’re

Kendra Matthies: not in the contract. Didn’t pay. Yeah. That’s so weird to me. And if this did go to court and they were able to, like, again, how did a judge, why is that being allowed?

Why is the, why is the pastor of a church that they go to get, to be the deciding say of whether a contract between somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.

Kendra Matthies: That’s just,

Christa Innis: wow. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if, like, if we read it the other way, if she’s just saying they won, basically, like we didn’t, we just went along with it.

We didn’t like try to sue them or like take any step further because he scared us basically. Then I could see that too.

Kendra Matthies: I can see that, but also like as a business, you’re

Christa Innis: out,

Kendra Matthies: you, you have a contract for a reason and if you’re not gonna stick with your policies and your contract and the things that are in there, what’s the point of having I have it.

Yeah. Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, there’s been instances in the past for me where I have made exceptions to something that’s in the contract, but it’s normally because I’m trying to be accommodating of somebody. I will say that’s tightened up a lot because of situations like this where I’ve give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just, I just don’t see how that hap like, so much went wrong with this. Yeah. And so much that I think that this business, and I hope that if they’re still around, that they learn from this, um. I mean, communication needs to be better. Their, what happens if you stop communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are better and hopefully they have more solid contracts or confidence in their contracts that should something like this happen again, it’s worth fighting for because wow, that was a lot.

Christa Innis: When people complain about like rules and stuff, it’s, it’s because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to be as as they are, is because there’s people that take advantage and now they have to be super clear. You have to cover every single instance because of people like this. Yeah. ’cause they don’t try to scam the crap outta you.

Kendra Matthies: If you are somebody that is getting married or you are going to be entering into a contract for whatever reason, read what you’re signing, please don’t just blindly sign and then claim ignorance, because nowadays I just cannot see if this went to court nowadays that that would’ve held up at all for the client’s favor.

Like I could not see that happening. No way. Um, so be mindful of what you’re signing and on the flip vendors or whoever is sending out the contracts, make sure that you feel confident in the things that are in your contract, that you feel that you could back those things up. Consult with an attorney.

Don’t just write something down and have somebody sign it. Make sure it is like a legal contract. Um, yeah, because this type of stuff happens and. Me personally as a random big sister business owner. Advice to you too. If you’re a makeup artist or a hairstylist or somebody that, let’s say you have a season that you go through and now here’s the next one.

Revisit that contract at the end of the season. What happened in that year that you don’t want to happen again? Mm-hmm. Put it into your contract so that it doesn’t happen again and go forward. You might have, like you are saying, you might have people be like, why is this so long? Or Why does this even need to be specified?

You don’t have to explain yourself to those clients, but you can say, if you want to say anything at all, while everything that’s in the contract is there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. You have to protect yourself as a business owner and as a consumer. Signing contracts. Protect yourself too. If you don’t know what a contract is saying.

If you don’t know the legal mumbo jumbo. You don’t have to, nobody is forcing you to sign anything. Yes. You can consult with somebody if you need help before signing anything, even if it’s just asking the business to clarify what this means, because Yeah, don’t sign into something that you don’t know.

Yeah. Because either one of you, it could come back and bite you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And and most, most places now, like you said, are not gonna be like, oh, you didn’t read it. Mm. They’re gonna be like, too bad you signed this. Yeah. So,

Kendra Matthies: yeah. I mean, I’ve had to do that multiple times where we’ve had to send screenshots or we’ve copied the portion of the contract that applies to X, Y, or Z situation and send it to that client and say, well then the contract that you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave with confidence with that. You have to say, well, this is what you signed, and they can come back and counter, but. This is what you signed. Yeah.

Christa Innis: It makes me think too, kind of like looking back at the beginning that there were so many different parties involved and I think this is why a lot of places too are like, we only work with the bride and groom, or we only work with a couple getting married because I feel like they probably, the young girl comes in from the group, she’s really excited.

They’re like, yep, this sounds great. She’s the one that talks with them. They signed the contract, she probably pays the first deposit. Sounds like, yeah. It says the bride and groom agree. They pay everything. No issues. Then other people are getting involved, but maybe the moms start seeing it and they’re like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this? Um, ’cause that’s, I think that’s why there was that radio silence, right? They’re like starting to worry about the cost. Then this random uncle comes in. Yeah. And either he was planning on paying for it the whole time, or he goes, wait guys, I’ve got an idea. You know what I’m saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time? Part of me thinks yes. He’s like, I’m gonna come in. They’re not gonna ask me questions, so they don’t know me. I don’t know about the wedding. Bring this check in. Oh, it’s covered. We’re good. We’re gonna get our wedding. And then you guys come in hot and right. Want.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, because

Christa Innis: there’s people that do this like for a living.

Kendra Matthies: Oh yeah. I mean, like I said, my dad owns a restaurant. There’s people that we have on the do not let reorder list because they’ve had multiple, and multiple and multiple times where they call back and complain that something is wrong. And to the point where we would like red label them maybe like, Hey, if they call, make sure that you are so precise and confident that everything going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back and say, X, Y, or Z happened. For example, and this is talking on my dad’s half for a little bit, but he had a customer that would constantly complain about something being wrong with the pizza. The toppings weren’t right. The, my dad owns a pizza place. The toppings weren’t right.

The cheese had slid to the side by the time that the delivery driver got it there, um, it was burn, it was too cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally my dad was working one day and it was just him and the delivery driver, and he makes the pizza. He knows that this person is a chronic complainer. Mm-hmm.

So he is on it. Yeah, just him in the building delivery driver. Nobody else makes the pizza, sends it on its way. Of course, like five minutes later, 10 minutes later, he gets a call from that person and they’re complaining, well, what’s wrong? There is a massive blonde hair in my pizza. My dad said there’s a long blonde hair.

Okay. Um, are you sure it’s not yours? No, it can’t be mine. Everybody in my family has brown hair. Okay. Um, if I send the delivery driver back, would you give him the pizza and the hair that is in that so that we can figure out where this is coming from? Oh, well, um, I mean we already ate it. We ate around it, but like, this is ridiculous.

And my dad goes, you know what’s also really funny, the delivery driver and I are both bald and nobody else is working today. So they stopped ordering after that. But it’s just so funny. And come to find out, I mean, I did a little bit of Facebook stalking their family’s all blonde. Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like. So it’s just funny, but yeah, it does happen like all the time and in so many different industries that people will just try to get away with scamming you and mm-hmm. You have to protect yourself as a business owner. Like you just, ugh. Yeah. I feel bad for when things like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying throughout this, there were definitely learning moments from this. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, management wise or whatever, and policy wise, but I think that maybe it, from the sounds of it, maybe this was kind of a newer thing for them and they just didn’t have those policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah. I think that this is us seeing what kind of happens to a lot of professionals where you have something like this happen, which. Builds those standards and things like that for it to not happen again. So I think we might have seen the beginning of this golf courses event planning. They’ve been real

Christa Innis: strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sucks. You have to learn that way. Losing $16,000 and then some. Yeah. ’cause they said they kept adding on all these extras so. Hopefully this was a learning That’s so awful moment for them. But think about the, the couple that got married. Your, your wedding was built on a lie.

Kendra Matthies: A lie.

That’s really wild. And like bad juju. Like why would you want that? Yeah. I’m curious to know, are they still married?

Christa Innis: I know, I was, I was thinking that too. I’m like, I could not, like your kids are, or your kids or family one day is asking about your wedding and you’re like, oh yeah, it was at this place. Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing. Yeah, they loved it. Oh, it was ter you know, like, ’cause if it had all the things they wanted, I don’t know. And they never specified either if it was the bride and groom refusing to pay, or if it was the moms coming in right saying they’re not gonna pay. Um, so it makes me wonder maybe it was like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like, okay, we’re gonna write a check. Huh. So many questions. It’s, I love, love getting

Kendra Matthies: vendor

Christa Innis: stories, but I also like am like, oh, I don’t like there, there’s so much missing. Right? I

Kendra Matthies: wish I could call them and be like, okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

Christa Innis: I know. Oh my gosh. That was wild.

That

Kendra Matthies: was real.

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Christa Innis: Well, I always like to end these with, as I shake my whole computer right now. I was like to end these with confessions people send me on Instagram. So here we go. This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh,

Christa Innis: that’s a good one.

Kendra Matthies: Okay.

Christa Innis: Yeah. This one says, um, letting my friend declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn’t have been her. I, I hear that a lot and I always wonder how that happens. ’cause if that was a friend to like someone to me saying like, oh, I’m your maid of honor, and they weren’t, I would, I would probably just laugh and just move on. How do they themselves?

Kendra Matthies: I definitely have heard this a lot from my clients that, oh yeah, this person kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be a bridesmaid, but I really wanted this person to be my maid of honor. I think what happens a lot of the time is you get people pleaser brides that don’t want to offend anybody. This person probably means a lot to them. Maybe just not in the, I think they should be made of honor way, but I think that it’s hard when they’re trying to make sure that everybody’s happy.

They don’t want to start wedding drama. Especially when it comes to bridesmaids, like you’re usually picking that out pretty early in the wedding planning process. Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama? But I will say, if you are somebody that recently got engaged or you’re just announcing bridal party members and somebody’s trying to assert that, I think that.

It’s really important and in the long run better to just be clear right away. And I know that a lot of people like to do those bridesmaids boxes or things like that where they’re asking people, um, definitely make sure that you give yourself time between announcing the engagement and, and picking your bridesmaids that you kind of like have everything so you can quickly do that so that this doesn’t happen.

Yeah. ’cause I think that it’s when there’s that gap that people can just assume and then push their way into it. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it’s important. Like if you’re announcing that you’re engaged, maybe within a week or two you’re asking people, and maybe that’s a big turnaround. I don’t know. It’s a little bit hard if you don’t know the engagement’s coming, but Right.

I do think like it’s important to have a list and roster in the back of your mind. If you’re knowing within a year I’m probably gonna be getting engaged to like you, you or I’m gonna be getting engaged, like you should probably have somewhat of a roster. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Because even if you don’t have like the bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you’re gonna do, you can at least be like, oh, you know, I actually, my sister or my friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah. It’s just gonna, is being that person.

Kendra Matthies: And it might be awkward, like it probably will be awkward, those conversations, but I’d rather you have a conversation early on and it be a little bit awkward than to be submitting that you regret it to us. Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yes. Because then you’re giving in and then you’re making it their day.

Yeah. Not completely, I get that. But like you’re still like. They’re gonna have their way with whatever. Oh, gonna be these bride. Like what does it, what, where does it end? Right? We’re gonna have these bridesmaid dresses. ’cause I like these best for my body. Right? Well wait, you’re, you weren’t even supposed to be the maid of honor and then you’re gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Kendra Matthies: Exactly. No, I 1000% agree.

Christa Innis: Um, let’s see, this says letting my mother-in-law add over 40 guests to the list, which meant cutting down our friends list.

Kendra Matthies: Ooh. So I personally told like family members, like they were allowed X amount of people that they could invite. But I also made it clear, like I still wanted it to be people that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn’t want my mom to invite like a random person from our church that knew me when I was three. Like, that would be kind of odd. Um. I definitely think you have to kind of go into things like that, like that, where you’re giving like a, Hey, so so-and-so’s gonna have this many people, I’m gonna have this many people, his family’s gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people. And that’s how we’re reaching capacity. Like I think that you have to be very clear with those things from the get go.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Especially if it seems like someone that everybody’s their best friend or everyone’s their friend. Right. Just give like a little limit. Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right? Yeah. And then if they give you 20 and they’re like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and so, then sure you can give wiggle room. But when you give a free reign, that’s scary territory.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah. And even with wiggle room, you have to be clear though too. Like if somebody’s like, oh my gosh, I know I gave you 20 people, but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot. You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we could squeeze that one more person in, but like we’re really done after that. Like you can’t be like, okay, yeah, I guess this is not another person. Like, ’cause the more you’re lax again, give an inch, take a mile type of thing is gonna happen.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. 100%.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah.

Christa Innis: Um, okay, let’s do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping. Should have saved the money and skipped the drama.

Kendra Matthies: Okay. I have heard this so much, like a lot, a lot. I’m talking even on wedding days, I hear this like, oh yeah, because sometimes the lead up drama is the worst part. Like the scheduling of the bachelorette or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time it gets to their wedding day, they’re like, I don’t even wanna do this. Like I, and it’s not that they don’t wanna get married, it’s just people they don’t wanna have to put on the performance and. All of it. So I have definitely heard that a lot. I would say that if you’re somebody that you and your significant other, you don’t really necessarily want a big wedding, you don’t necessarily see even a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it’s not the best option for you. It is never worth it to put yourself in debt to have a wedding. That is wild to me. I have had brides tell me that they have taken out loans for their wedding. Mm-hmm.

Christa Innis: Couldn’t

Kendra Matthies: be me. Couldn’t be

Christa Innis: me. It’s consumerish, consumerism, and wedding culture altogether of like, you need the biggest, best wedding to post all of our social media and have this grand day.

And it’s like. Yes, weddings are beautiful and amazing, but at the end of the day, it is a day, right? And you do not wanna go into your marriage broke or, um, owing a bunch of money or having debt. That is, I feel like that is just like a, such a hard thing to go into a marriage with.

Kendra Matthies: And I think that people kind of have created this almost stigma of, it’s like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful weddings have been elopements. One of my friends, her name you guys might follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair. Her and her husband got eloped, and I wanna say they were out in like some like desert, sorry, Meg if you’re watching, but they were in some sort of like desert, like beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the photography, and that was where the majority of their budget went. And oh, my word, talk about magazine wedding. Like some of the most stunning wedding photos I’ve seen of my life. And it was an elopement. Like it doesn’t have to be like, oh, I’m giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I’m giving up. I can get great makeup done. You can invest now in the things that do matter to you more. Like maybe you really, really want good photos, but you don’t care if it’s just four of you there. Like, you can invest in those things now because you’re not spending. $50,000 on a wedding.

Christa Innis: Right. I think it’s one of those things too about like knowing yourself, knowing your family.

If there’s high tensions and you’re like, gosh, our families clash, or gosh, like my friends are just don’t get along with so and so, you know, whatever that is, and you’re already stress thinking about it, maybe that’s a sign. Yeah. Everyone knows themselves best. Like, I, like for me, I did not want a huge wedding, but I also could not, I could only picture like all of our families and friends together dancing and like hanging out in like one big party.

Um, so it wasn’t like humongous, but it wasn’t really small either, but. For me, that was important to me and my husband, but we didn’t have drama leading up to it that we were like, oh, I’m so nervous about people being in the same room. But I know a lot of the times when they regret, I feel like it’s because they’re getting pressure from someone saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding to show off to everybody. But meanwhile, the bride and groom are the ones like suffering because they’re like, this isn’t right us. This isn’t what we want.

Kendra Matthies: Right. So you have to be mindful. It’s okay to get people’s opinions, especially when it’s from people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very important and big in your life. It’s I, it is okay to take those opinions, but at the end of the day, if that is not what you want, who’s the one going in debt because of these things? Who’s the one that’s living with the fact that, oh, my wedding was so stressful and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It’s not your parents. It’s you, so you have to be mindful of yourself when it comes to wedding planning and just like weddings in general, because ideally, I mean, I know it doesn’t happen all the time. This is a once in a lifetime thing for you. I know people get remarried. I’m not saying that, but I’m saying what you are.

Nobody’s going into a wedding hoping that they’re gonna get married again. You are hoping that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Do you want to be like the thing that’s behind that is stress? Mm-hmm. No, I don’t think that anybody wants that. So yeah, I think that taking opinions and valuing people’s input is important, but never to the point where it’s diminishing your own wants or finances, I guess, even in this case.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely listen to your gut on that one and be on the same page with your partner and then yeah, move forward from there. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah. Like I’m just realizing the time. I’m like, so sorry I took so much of your time. No,

Kendra Matthies: I can’t see the time, so I’m just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I’m a certified yapper. I love it. I love

Christa Innis: No, I remember you saying that last time. I love it. ’cause I, I, I get in that tendency of like just yapping too. And so like, I love when we’re on the same page as that. So can you, for everyone listening, can you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you’re working on and all that good stuff? Yeah,

Kendra Matthies: so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, um, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one, but it’s at Kendra Matthies, everywhere else, it’s just at Kendra Matthies. Um, I’m currently working on, uh, depending on when this is getting posted, I’m gonna be in Premier Anaheim, uh, Anaheim, California.

Uh, February 1st and second, I’m gonna be teaching multiple classes there. Otherwise, I have some other classes that I’m teaching. Come April, I’m gonna be in Chicago again for America’s beauty show, and then I am working on some. Independent classes. Oh, you guys heard it first, but I am working on some independent classes, um, coming up in this year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Very exciting. Sounds like a lot of fun things are coming up. Yes.

Kendra Matthies: So much fun.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thanks again for coming on. This was so much fun hanging out.

Kendra Matthies: Yeah, it was great seeing you again. Congratulations on having a podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most podcasts don’t make it past the first five or six episodes, so Wow. That’s good. Look at you going, you’re rocking and rolling and I can’t wait to see what comes for you with the podcast. I love watching your skits and everything online and yeah, I think that you’re doing a great job.

Thanks. Thank you. Yes. All right. Well thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. And I will probably see you guys in a story time coming soon, because I told Christa I didn’t wanna share it here, but I think I’m gonna build up the courage to share it soon. Yay. Yes. Yay.

by Christa Innis

Family Feuds, Bridal Boundaries & Wedding FAQs: With Cora Lakey

Would you risk a lifelong friendship over a wedding rule? Cora Lakey did—and it went viral. In this episode, Christa chats with Cora about the controversial wedding FAQ that lit up the internet, the truth behind her no plus-one policy, and why people still struggle with brides having boundaries.

They also dive into how social media shapes public opinion, how post-COVID relationships shifted weddings, and why guests sometimes act like the event is about them.

If you’ve ever been labeled a “bridezilla” for setting standards, this conversation is the validation you’ve been waiting for.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month!

Episode Chapter Markers

00:00 Introduction

01:05 Cora’s Social Media Journey

01:35 The Wedding FAQ Controversy

06:01 Wedding Guest Etiquette and Boundaries

17:31 Wedding Drama Debates

30:04 Story Submission: Overbearing In-Laws

33:36 Navigating Boundaries with In-Laws

35:38 The Wedding Guest List Dilemma

37:20 Financial Control and Wedding Decisions

43:01 Handling Online Criticism

49:44 Mother-in-Law’s Wedding Day Antics

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

The Viral Wedding FAQ – Cora explains the behind-the-scenes of her infamous guest FAQ and why it wasn’t as outrageous as it seemed.
When Plus-Ones Become Dealbreakers – Hear how Cora’s decision to limit plus-ones led to the end of a seven-year friendship.
Losing Friends, Gaining Clarity – A deep dive into how post-COVID life and weddings revealed who really mattered.
Wedding Industry Pressure – Christa and Cora reflect on the unrealistic standards brides face and how it feeds the bridezilla narrative.
Boundaries Aren’t Offensive – The duo discuss why people still bristle at women setting boundaries—especially during weddings.
Guest Behavior: The Entitlement Era – Cora shares real stories of guests behaving badly and the hard truths brides have to deal with.
Misunderstood on the Internet – What happens when a TikTok explodes on the wrong side of the internet? Cora shares how she handled it.

Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode

“People don’t realize they can just scroll if they don’t like it.” – Christa Innis
“Why is it always the bride who’s labeled difficult?” – Christa Innis
“If you’re offended, maybe you need to look in the mirror.” – Christa Innis
“Boundaries aren’t mean—they’re necessary.” – Christa Innis
“Other people’s opinions of you? None of your business.” – Christa Innis
“People hate women who say no.” – Cora Lakey
“We weren’t inviting strangers—we were inviting people who mattered.” – Cora Lakey
“I’ve used these wedding rules hundreds of times in events. They were never controversial—until TikTok.” – Cora Lakey
“Humans are the only unpredictable element in planning.” – Cora Lakey
“No one cares about your dog, no one cares about your baby—it’s your wedding.” – Cora Lakey

About Cora

Cora Lakey is a TikToker whose content career kicked off with a story involving her own wedding drama! Now with over 100k followers, she covers lifestyle, commentary on all things pop culture – and of course wedding hot takes!

Follow Cora Lakey

Join the Drama with Christa Innis:

Got Wedding Drama? We Want to Hear It!

Submit your story today: Story Submission Form

Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!

A Team Dklutr Production

Blog Transcript:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hi Cora. Thank you so much for coming on. Hi Christa. Thanks for having me. I am so excited to talk to you today. We were just saying before recording, I was like, I feel like I know you through seeing all your content and it’s one of those like funny, like weird things with social media. ’cause when you see someone enough, you’re like, oh, just catching up with an old friend, but we’ve never met.

So how are you?

Cora Lakey: Thanks for coming on. I’m good. I know that’s the beauty of the internet. You make so many best friends all over the world. I love it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. So for anyone that doesn’t know you or doesn’t follow you, can you just tell us a little bit about you and, you, we’ll kind of get into it.

Cora Lakey: So I’m mainly a TikTok creator.

I post basically just what I’m going through in my life and I feel like I got a lot of momentum through my wedding, FAQ, which was very controversial apparently. and I kind of just talk about whatever I’m experiencing in that moment. So ironically, right now I’m going through a divorce, so I’ve been talking about that a lot.

But I’ll continue to talk about my journey through life online.

Christa Innis: yeah. I remember, you were featured in a story about your own wedding, FAQ, and people were like going crazy over it. So let’s talk about that. in this FAQ? What did people have the like, hardest time understanding about it?

The Wedding FAQ That Sparked a Storm

Cora Lakey: I feel like the entire thing was taken, blown out of proportion.

So a little bit about my background. I worked in the events industry forever. I started doing weddings at, you know, the luxury level in Los Angeles, then I moved to doing corporate events at tech companies. So that’s actually how I ended up in the Bay Area. So I thought a lot of these things were just common sense and that people were used to seeing them because in my professional experience, I’ve word for word used these hundreds of times.

So I had no reason to think the internet would be disturbed by it at all. oh man. I think one of them was I implemented, like color suggestions. So it wasn’t necessarily like you have to wear these specific colors, but just gave suggestions of different colors to where I think people were really confused by that.

But now it seems pretty commonplace. I’m trying to think. I haven’t looked at it in so long. I said if people were late that they would be guided to like a waiting area. But I think it came off as very direct. So people thought they would be turned away if they were late to the ceremony. I said there was an unplugged ceremony.

People were upset that they couldn’t be on their phones, like people were just, yeah. just so many things. And one of the parts that I think maybe was more controversial, as I said, we were doing no plus ones, And I think that got a little bit blown outta proportion. I can provide context later on, but I think people thought it was such a hot take not to offer a hot a plus one to a wedding.

and I ended up mentioning that I lost a seven year friendship because of it. And I think that was the thing that people held onto was they were like, there’s like a juicy story here. We wanna hear what’s going on. so I think it just all compounded where, people were kind of picking each one apart until I was like, okay, I need to address this because this is,

Christa Innis: it’s crazy.

Like I was just talking to someone how like whenever a bride has like guidelines or rules or wanna help something, they’re automatically considered a bridezilla. But it’s like, if there were no rules or like people just went willy-nilly, like, then it would be complete opposite. Like, oh, she’s so disorganized, or this was not a good plan, or this wasn’t a good wedding.

And so it’s like you can never win in those situations. cause I feel like when I’m going to a wedding. It’s kind of nice to have some guidelines, but I’m also like a type A like planner person, so I like being like told kind of like, okay, this is what to expect. Here’s kind of like our theme. Or like some colors you might see because I’ve shown up wearing a bridesmaid dress color not knowing, and I was like, oh.

Which I guess in hindsight there’s no way for me to know. But there’s different things like that where it’s like, it’s kind of nice to see some guidelines. I’m still hung up on it. People were mad about unplugged ceremony. I feel like that’s so common and like I get mad about that, that they pay for photographers and they want professional photographers.

I know. Yeah, I

Cora Lakey: think people took my wedding FAQ very personally, and I think it was, 2023. So I think it was at the time where people were starting to analyze the FYP, the for you page and really analyzing that. People truly think their for you page is talking directly to them. And I feel like that’s a form of internet culture where people are chronically online and they don’t understand that we can’t control where the algorithm puts our videos.

And so people were taking it so personally I think a year later it really course corrected and I actually get a lot of support on that video now. Yeah. But it’s just such an interesting time and I think it just all, it was a perfect storm at once. Yeah. Where I was just like,

Christa Innis: this is

Cora Lakey: out of control.

Christa Innis: I know.

It’s funny because I always say that about like the skits I do like, so there’s stories that are sent to me about things that happen around weddings. Right. And a lot of them do have to do with mother-in-laws. I have a great mother-in-law, so I can’t relate to them, but I do hear stories and I do see them however.

When I share a story with a mother-in-law, someone will always comment like, oh my gosh, like you should share stories about mother of the bride, or you should share stories about this. And I’m like, if you’re getting offended, you might need to look in the mirror because like I don’t see a bride Bridezilla story and be like, oh my gosh, that’s terrible.

I’m like, well, I know I wasn’t like that, so I’m not gonna, it’s fine. There’s stories like that, it happens. Like people don’t realize they can just like scroll if they want to or not engage.

Why Women Aren’t Allowed to Set Boundaries at Weddings

Cora Lakey: Exactly. And I think it speaks to a larger issue with wedding guest culture and how sometimes wedding guests can be extremely entitled.

Like I had so many experiences with people not confirming until immediately before or not giving us an answer or acting like it was super inconvenient to attend and. I feel like I see that a lot online as well of people making a point to not give a gift because they’re already attending the wedding.

So I think it’s really important for, yeah, people to analyze their own behavior and be like, no one’s forcing you to go to a wedding. You can say no, and if you say no, like there’s no expectations, no is a full sentence. But at the same time, you’re discounting how incredibly expensive weddings are, how much stress and pressure they are, especially for the bride.

And I think people hate women with boundaries and they hate women that say no and say, I’m not okay with this. And I think we can recognize that brides are the ones planning the wedding 99% of the time. So all that vitriol goes to the bride and it’s kind of messed up. Right. Why are you doing this?

Christa Innis: They’re seen as the controlling or the difficult one because it’s their vision. you hear it time and time again. It’s like people never make comments about the groom. It’s always the bride. I shared a story yesterday that’s been going viral about, this couple had a no, a child free wedding and someone brought a baby and the baby was crying during the whole vow ceremony.

Yeah. And so like no one removed like the baby. No one, like, I don’t know what the details were, why they showed up with a baby when it said child free, but the title of the article was so degrading to the bride. It said Angry Bride, like, something about is mad that crying baby is there during vows or something.

I totally butchered that. But it was all about the bride being angry and it’s like. They paid lots of money. They apparently specified no children. And you don’t remove the baby while the vows are going off. Like so they’re gonna have crying baby during their video. Yeah. And there’s such an

Cora Lakey: easy solution for that.

Just go to the reception. Okay, you paid all this money to attend the wedding, don’t bring your baby to a ceremony. Like things are common sense. And I think that’s why I was so firm with my FAQ because in a professional environment I’ve had to recognize that things just aren’t common sense and people will push and poke and prod you.

So you have to be extremely direct, simple and to the point. So you can be like, Hey, this is outlined here, this is where this was communicated. And if you add too much language and you try to, you know, make it as polite as possible, people just don’t get it. Mm-hmm. And they start to poke and prod at whatever your rules are that you’re trying to reinforce.

So I feel like that’s another way, like my wedding FAQ was so jarring for people maybe was because it was so direct and I think they aren’t used to women saying no and saying, I’m not putting up with this and maybe we need to talk about that.

Christa Innis: Yeah, no, I totally agree. Because we’re just taught as women, I think, just to be like, oh sure, okay.

You know, people pleasers like I always like to say I’m a recovering people pleaser and like even now when I’m firm, I’m later like, was I too firm? Was I harsh? Are they gonna think badly of me? And it’s like this thing that, like this narrative that we put in our heads of like, if I stand firm for something, they’re gonna think I’m a bitch or something.

And so we just constantly question our decisions and like how we talk to people because of that.

Cora Lakey: Exactly. What was so interesting too about that whole situation is my husband at the time wanted a lot of these rules and actually wanted to have a wedding in the first place. So because I worked in the events industry, I wanted to elope.

I know how expensive weddings are. I was like, I do not wanna deal with the production, like how stressful it is. Like I’m gonna be in the professional mindset this whole time and I just wanna like fully relax. And he was the one that really wanted a wedding. Mm-hmm. And I was like, alright, like I’ll use my expertise.

I’ll make it happen. Excuse me. Sorry, my light died. and so that’s where I was like, it wasn’t even a consideration for people that my husband was the one who might have come up with a lot of these rules because we’re just so used to women being like, all right, I’m taking the front seat here.

So it was really interesting.

Christa Innis: But yeah, no, that’s so true about you say like they automatically just assume that it’s the woman when like, it was same like for our wedding. Like I included my husband on every decision. I wasn’t like, this is what we’re doing. This is my day, not yours. Like, it was like, it’s our day. Let’s talk through this together.

And we were very on the same page about like the size of wedding we wanted, like, did we want kids or no kids, did we want plus ones? that kind of thing. And we were very, like, I would say most everyone we invited had a sign, significant other that we knew. So that’s why we had obviously like couples that were like married, but like I didn’t invite like my cousins.

Boyfriend of six months, like, you know, or two months ’cause that I’ve never met. Yeah. So like my pictures. Yeah. So that’s, yeah. So the plus one thing, do you wanna share on your plus one? Yeah.

The Plus One Controversy

Cora Lakey: Okay. this is why I think it got really misinterpreted. So for me it was really important to have just an intimate wedding where we knew every single person, the theme was friend and family barbecue.

Like I just wanted to be really casual, relaxed atmosphere. And I knew that wasn’t gonna be possible with strangers at our wedding. if you followed me online, you probably see I’m like really transparent about the things I’ve been through in life. And I didn’t talk about this in the FAQ because obviously I didn’t know it would blow up, but my dad passed away pretty suddenly and tragically and I knew I would be talking about that a lot throughout the wedding just through, any speeches I did because.

It was such a life altering moment and I really wanted my dad at my wedding. and he wasn’t gonna be there. So it was like a big gap that I was feeling. So I was already feeling really vulnerable throughout the day. And so that was a very firm decision I made from the beginning. No strangers there.

That being said, if we met them even one time, they were invited. So I’ll give you an example. A friend’s boyfriend, I had never met him. I was like, I’m not comfortable having the boyfriend I’ve never met at my wedding. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. she expressed that that made her uncomfortable.

So I was like, listen, let’s get coffee with him. Like we can hang out. We just don’t want strangers there. Met him, he was great. He was invited to the wedding. Mm-hmm. So if the people, if it was important to them, we wanted it to be intimate to the point that if there were any communication things that maybe didn’t make sense for them or didn’t make sense for us, we wanted to be able to have an open dialogue.

Post-Pandemic Wedding Drama

So that was a great example of something didn’t work for her, she expressed it to us, we made it work. Mm-hmm. Whereas the other friend in the seven year friendship that I lost, like there was no interest in our lives, the wedding. we saw that from the beginning, you know? And I think another thing that was really interesting is this was post covid time.

So a lot of people were losing friendships because covid, like a lot of our relationships changed, a lot of friendships dwindled. And this was an example of a friendship that during Covid, like we had completely stopped talking, so we hadn’t talked in almost two years. Mm-hmm. And I kind of extended an invite as.

You know, an olive branch to be like, Hey, I love you. I loved you at one point, and I would love you to be there. You were there for so much of our early dating stages, but we hadn’t talked in almost two years. And by that point, they had a boyfriend. I never met the boyfriend. I didn’t feel comfortable having this stranger hearing all about losing my dad and how sad I was that he wasn’t there.

So. I didn’t invite the boyfriend and instead of communicating that to me, she just didn’t go to the wedding. So it was very obvious that, and here’s the thing, like she never even communicated to me that was what bothered her. Mm-hmm. It was very obvious from my point of view, because I could see like a behavior shift of like hot to cold when she got the invite.

Mm-hmm. But she had also been telling our other friends that she was upset. I didn’t invite her boyfriend, so I had to hear through other people. And it got to the point that I was like, okay, our friendship is in a place where you don’t even feel comfortable enough to tell me that this bothers you. Like you probably shouldn’t be at our wedding.

You know? Like, you don’t wanna be there. It would be uncomfortable for me to have you there. We barely know each other anymore. So that was what kind of got lost on the internet. Mm-hmm. But I think it’s so easy for people to judge, they see. Yep. Slide on the internet for five seconds and they call you a bitch.

They call you a bridezilla. Yes. And there was so much lost in that that made the decision make sense for us as a couple.

Christa Innis: Yeah. That’s the thing with like social media, people just see something quickly and then they just judge based on that. but yeah, I mean like hearing it, hearing you tell it, I’m like, that makes total reasonable sense to me.

Like, cause that’s the thing, it’s like I read it first as like she was like a bridesmaid, but even then it’s like if you just wanted, like if you just communicated and just met one time, like, especially if the other friend did that, that shows like she was already kind of like dwindling away and didn’t really care enough.

So it sounds like your friendship was already kind of like on the rocks maybe and kind of falling apart.

Cora Lakey: Exactly, and I think the post covid relationships and the weddings that fell into that window, it’s such an interesting conversation because it’s so interesting to me. People just forget that time happened and how impacted all of us were.

And it’s normal and natural that like a lot of relationships fell out and we were all figuring out the messiness afterwards. Like no one in this lifetime has experienced a pandemic before. So I was just figuring it out as I went. I’ve never planned my own wedding before, so I was also navigating the emotions that came with that.

And so I was like, I don’t know, I was just very surprised by how shocked people were by it. ’cause it just didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me with all of the circumstances.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think it’s, I think people are so quick to just be like Bridezilla. but you know, you talking about the friendship too, it’s like I’ve had friendships before where like.

Looking back, it’s like they made their choice to like separate themselves they almost look for a reason to just be like done. cause like, without saying too much, but like in our friend group, there was like a friend we’ve known for like years and years and like we were all bridesmaids in her wedding.

They ended up getting a divorce and she found a new guy and we were like really supportive of it. We’re like, you know, we’re here for you, girl. Like, whatever you need. ’cause it turned out it just wasn’t a great marriage, And when she had this new guy, we were like inviting them to everything.

Like, Hey, come to this. Bring him along. We’d love to meet him. And excuse after excuse, like never showing up and. Then things got really weird and it almost was like she was just waiting for like, I don’t know if it was a controlling, like if he was like control, I don’t know, I don’t wanna put like assumptions out there, but it just got really weird and looking back where like she was looking for a reason just to be like done.

and so when I hear that, that’s what makes it makes me think of. ’cause I’m like, okay, like she was already kind of dwindling away. She just wanted a reason to be mad and be like, you know what? I’m not going to her wedding because of this, but

Cora Lakey: yeah. And that’s totally fine. But I had to accept that for what it was like, weddings are so stressful.

I was like, I can’t let this take up any more of my mental space. You know? It’s like, it is what it is. I was barely like, at that point I was just like, okay, over and done. I wish her well. And I felt like I just had to keep rethinking about it because the internet was so activated by it. I was like, yes.

It’s crazy that this friendship that really, we both put to bed at this point, it doesn’t mean that much to either of us, but the internet is just making it into something. It isn’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh yeah. It’s so easy just to change things to make it sound terrible. okay. So we kind of just like dove right in.

I love that. So I feel like we should jump into, these are wedding drama debates. So people send me on Instagram, their hot takes or unpopular opinions when it comes to wedding and I wanna get weddings and I wanna get your side on these. Okay. Not wanting to come to a wedding ’cause there are kids is less valid than not inviting kids.

So, well that’s like worded a very interesting way.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like they don’t wanna attend a wedding if there’s kids there.

Christa Innis: yeah, they’re saying like, if someone doesn’t want to come to a wedding. Because there are kids is less valid than someone being like, we’re not inviting kids at all.

that is like a really interesting way of writing that. I don’t put these together so I, ’cause I don’t wanna see them first, but that’s like a very interesting way. I

Cora Lakey: feel like it’s giving, like flying on an airplane and being upset that there’s kids there, like mm-hmm.

You’re in a public place, you aren’t in control of the airline. There’s gonna likely be a child there and you need to get over it. Like if the couple decides they won’t have kids there, it’s your decision whether or not to go. But making a stink out of it is weird. Yeah. I think what they’re trying to say is they don’t wanna attend an alcohol free wedding.

That’s my assumption. Because if there’s kids there, maybe they’re really religious or maybe there’s no alcohol, or maybe they’ll have to limit the quantities and maybe that makes them uncomfortable. So I feel like it is less valid. I kind of get what they’re trying to say, but

Kids at Weddings: A Divisive Topic

Christa Innis: yeah, it’s like they’re going, they’re talking about someone’s response to not wanting to go to a wedding.

So they’re saying like, if someone doesn’t invite kids, it’s okay. But if someone doesn’t wanna come to a wedding because kids are gonna be there, that’s not okay. people get crazy about the kids or no kids things at weddings and I’m just like, whatever the bride and groom want. ’cause I can see both sides.

Like I get not wanting a bunch of kids running around, especially kids you might not know. But I also get where you want, like your family there. Like we all, we invited all our nieces and nephews, but we didn’t have like friends kids there because most of them wanted like date nights out, like away.

Cora Lakey: We did that as well. Just kids of the family and I felt like that was a perfect solution. I have never heard of a wedding guest being bothered by kids being there. That’s so interesting. Yeah. So I think I agree with the original question, like that’s a weird thing to be bothered by.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I’ve had people, when I’ve done like skits on it, I’ve had people be like mad that like, well if you tell me I can’t bring my kid, I better not see any kids there.

I’m like, but there’s a difference if like, if it’s the niece of the bride or it’s the nephew of the groom that is family that’s different than like your the bride’s coworker and you can’t bring your kids. That’s so different. And I don’t know why people don’t see that it’s different. It’s

Cora Lakey: so weird.

I mean, hot take, no one cares about your kid and no one cares about your dog. Like no one wants them there like. It’s not as special to everyone else as it is to you. I love my dogs. They’re my little furry soulmates, but like I know people don’t want my dogs in their face and they don’t want them, you know, off leash at the park.

And the same thing goes for kids. It’s like, I feel like sometimes people. Are just too cheap to find babysitters and just don’t wanna deal with that. Or like they think that everyone wants their kid there and there’s a time and a place for everything. And totally like, I think it’s completely understandable to want the kids in your family that are gonna be in your life forever.

And you’ll see these milestones, like the pictures of my nephew at my wedding, like I cherish those pictures so much and even though like the marriage ended, like I’m keeping all of these family pictures ’cause they’re so special to me and already grown so much. So Yeah, it’s completely understandable to want your family there.

Not a random baby. We’re like, who is this baby? Like, I don’t know you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like I think about like coworkers that I invited to my wedding I maybe talked to them like half of them, like here and there. But like if I’d had their kids there, like I feel like that would be weird. They probably wouldn’t have even me, even had me ex or expected me to invite them.

But it’s just

Cora Lakey: your, your wedding is not free childcare. That’s weird.

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And every kid’s different. Like some kids are gonna love a wedding and be very well behaved, love the music. Other kids are gonna be like, this is boring. Get me home. So it’s hard to do a blanket statement of that.

okay. Living together before marriage dampens the celebratory aspects of the wedding. Ooh, that is a hot take. I

Cora Lakey: don’t agree with that at all. I don’t either buy it before you buy it.

Christa Innis: Yeah. And I feel like, you know what, we’re in the 21st century. We don’t need to be like, because I feel like the reason people didn’t move in until they were married is ’cause they lived at home.

So they lived at home until dad gave them away, or, whatever that next step was. You went from one house to the next. That’s a good point. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: I think. So many issues come from living with someone too. When you see someone’s habits like this is disgusting. I don’t know if this is appropriate for a podcast, but I just was listening on another podcast.

They were doing an FAQ section and this girl was having an issue with her boyfriend peeing in their sink every day. Every day. He was peeing in the sink, not the toilet that was right there. Don’t you need to know that stuff before you marry someone? Live with them? Yeah. What? Yeah, I was so deeply dis disturbed and one of the girls was like, oh, like my husband’s done that before.

I was like. My husband never did that, thank God. And I would not be able to look at him the same if he did. Like, that’s so disgusting. No know these things. Like what if someone has really bad hygiene? What if they’re, you know, a slob? What if, you know, whatever the case may be. Like being roommates with someone is so important.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I totally agree. Like if your thing is like, we don’t wanna move in until it then more power to you, I think that’s great. But I don’t believe in putting down a relationship because they do it differently. I like our wedding was amazing event with all our friends and family and I, was never one of those girls that like, when I was like five I was like picturing my wedding and stuff, but once I met my now husband, like I was like, oh this is so, like, I could totally picture it.

I would, this is how I want my big wedding to be, whatever. But I don’t think it took away from it. But it also wasn’t like, oh my gosh, it’s the rest, the first day of the rest of my life I was like. We’ve lived together for, I don’t know, four years at that point. So like, I

Cora Lakey: think this is such a hot take, and I know we’ll get into hot Takes later, but I think people like Overdramatize weddings a lot, and I think mm-hmm.

A lot of it is just feeding into the wedding industry, right? Like the wedding industry is preying on people saying this is the most important day of their lives and they have to look the most beautiful they’ve ever looked, and they have to have the most gorgeous flowers. And being on the other side of that as a planner, it’s not.

Your wedding is what you make of it. Like if something goes wrong, if it’s down pouring, if your dress rips, like it’s not that big of a deal. Mm-hmm. It’s okay to have a redo. Like for our honeymoon. Like I was distraught because of everything that was going on on the internet and I was like, oh my gosh, like I can’t even enjoy this honeymoon because people, like, I was getting hit up by like major news outlets, like hundreds of messages.

Like it was awful. So we just did a redo honeymoon. Like it wasn’t that big of a deal. So like I feel like the importance of these moments are what you put into it, like what you make of it, and not that big of a deal on, the wedding day. Unless you make it that way. And unless you’re like, this will be the most important day of my life.

You know?

Christa Innis: Yes, I totally agree with what you’re saying. Like the way you said that, because there’s such pressure, and I think that’s where this whole like bridezilla like wedding, like, I don’t know, pressure comes from is like this absolute perfect day. And if one little thing goes off, like it’s not gonna be the day you ever you dreamed of.

And there’s all this like high expectations of like, making it be the absolute perfect day. And I agree with making it nice and stuff, but like things might go wrong and that’s okay and we just have to like, move on from it. like I would never, I wouldn’t say I was like a stressed bride at all. Like, people would be like, oh, you’re gonna be so stressed during it.

And I was just like, there was like, maybe a couple times I’d be like, oh, I’m kind of stressed, but like, I love planning stuff. So for me it was fun. But even like the makeup artist, the morning of, I remember she was like. You are like one of the most relaxed brides. And I was like, well, I figure at this point everything’s done.

Like if something happens, like we’re here, like, I don’t know. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God, this is so off topic, but what were your thoughts on that wedding makeup artist drama on TikTok? Did you see that?

Christa Innis: Yes. Wait, the girl that like filmed herself taking off the, yeah, I actually talked about this. I was saying like, she planned that all along.

I think. I think so, because who, on their wedding day when things are already tight, puts up the camera, brings their maid of honor in the bathroom and is like, I’m washing this off. Like, she looked good. Yeah. So I don’t think it looked any different when the makeup artist like did it versus when she did it,

Cora Lakey: it looked exactly the same.

Like, I’m like, that’s why I was so confused. Like surely she’s pranking us, right? Like there’s no way. That was so weird. Like, I’m glad the makeup artist got her flowers and everyone got to see her point of view. But I cannot imagine just as a vendor, like how jarring that would be to go online and have someone roasting your business.

Christa Innis: Yes.

Cora Lakey: I tell you, it was awful.

Christa Innis: Yes. Well, and that just happened too with the photographer. Did you see that one? No. Oh my gosh, you have to look it up. I would almost say this one was worse because she tagged the photographer’s company and she was lying. She wasn’t telling the whole story. So basically she shared like 10 photos from her wedding and she was like, when you look forward to your wedding day, and it turns out like this, and it’s like this sad music from home alone.

You’re like the, and she shows like 10 blurry, blurry photos from her wedding. Mind you, if you looked at the full album, which people obviously were able to find, it was gorgeous. Like gorgeous, but the wedding reception was at nighttime and it was outdoors. So as a photographer you can only do so much with that.

But they did a great job with the photos, but she chose blurry ones to share. She chose, and I guess like the photographer then came on and she shared her side and she’s like, I’ve literally been talking to the mom and the girl I offered to give money back, which is not in the contract. I don’t have to, but she’s like, I did.

She worked with them she thought everything was fine. And then this girl who turns out she’s 19 years old, posted everything.

Cora Lakey: Do you think everyone’s looking for like a viral moment

Christa Innis: nowadays? Yeah, I think so. But. It’s like they don’t think when they do that, like it’s gonna come back to bite you if you’re lying.

Cora Lakey: Yeah, I know everything. I was thinking about that with the one that you just posted today with the bride. With the designer that was like ghosting her and then posted all of that during her wedding weekend. Like she absolutely could have sued her for emotional distress and defamation. Like people don’t think about that stuff until it’s too late, like mm-hmm.

We have to be so careful what we post online because. Like she was a hairdresser, like that could completely destroy her business and mm-hmm. People even think of the consequences of that stuff. Like that’s so crazy.

Christa Innis: I know. And that’s terrible. ’cause then people just go to like Yelp and they’re like, before learning the full story, they just see the seamstress post this and they’re just like, oh, one star.

And anyone can leave a review on Yelp. And so it like plummeted her reviews. And I’m like, that’s the scary thing. Like people just want to, it’s almost like they want validation in what they did or something. And so then it’s like, oh, I need someone to side with me so I don’t feel as crappy about what I did or something.

Cora Lakey: That’s very true. Yeah. I’ll never get the witch hunt mentality of the internet. Like the angry mob. I’m like, you don’t even care about this. Like, why are you

Christa Innis: doing this? No. It is quite literally insane that one of the negatives about. Internet, I would say. Um, okay, let’s get into this week’s story submission.

Um, so like I said before we started recording, I don’t read these ahead of time ’cause I wanna react with you. So I’m gonna read it and then we’ll like pause or feel free to stop me at any point to like jump in ’cause these are crazy stories I guess.

Cora Lakey: Okay,

The Engagement Ring Reveal Gone Wrong

Christa Innis: here we go. Okay. When my husband first bought my engagement ring but hadn’t yet proposed, his mom and sister wanted to see the ring.

He didn’t show, he didn’t want to show them before he asked me and told them no. They proceeded to demand, he show them and went through his free, went through his things until they found it. Can you imagine

Cora Lakey: my god?

Christa Innis: No. Something else that happened was he knew we wanted our, was, we knew we wanted our bridal party to be very small.

My sister and his best friend. That was all. I wanted his sister to have a more meaningful role, and I wanted her to do a reading during the ceremony. I came to find out a few months after the engagement that his family was furious, that his sister was not in the wedding. I didn’t really know his sister.

They didn’t go out or even talk to each other unless they happened to be at the same family event. Every time he was home, his mom and sister would yell at him about the fact that his sister wasn’t in the bridal party, and then his grandmother and aunts would call and yell at him. Ultimately, it wasn’t really worth the fight.

I wasn’t fighting. They were over, and I’m sorry, it wasn’t worth the fight. I wasn’t fighting. They were over my Bri bridal party to me, so I invited her to be in it. Wait, so she gave in because they were complaining and making him feel so bad?

Cora Lakey: God.

Christa Innis: Oh, I have so many thoughts. See, I, and I don’t know your take on this, but I don’t think siblings should automatically be in the wedding.

It totally depends on your relationship. Plus it’s like, it’s not his sister or, I mean, it is his sister, but it’s not like his brother on his side. Like you kind of, you choose your bridesmaids. Um, it’s like I had my husband’s sister and sister-in-law, but I get along with them really well. And so like, I couldn’t imagine getting married without them.

But if we weren’t close or he didn’t talk to them, why would I have ’em in the wedding?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, it sounds like there’s a huge boundary issue with this family and that’s so hard. Like overbearing in-laws is so challenging ’cause you love that person, but when you marry someone, you marry their family and mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, it sounds like that’s what happened here. Okay. So like the first part of the story, them wanting to see the engagement ring, I kind of get that. But it sounds like their intentions were bad. So like it makes me think of sex in the city when Aiden was gonna propose to Carrie and the ring was hideous and then Samantha stepped in, I think it was Samantha stepped in and got a gorgeous ring.

That’s totally her style. So that’s what I thought was the case. It’s like, oh, they’re really close to the bride. They know her style. She might not like this ring, but it just sounds like they’re being nosy and have bad intentions. Yeah. And maybe they wanna be close to you, but they are not emotionally mature enough to express that.

Yes. ’cause if they’re walking behind your back and can’t tell you to your face, you’re the bride, what their issues are and they have to go to him, like clearly there’s like a gap in the relationship and, and it sounds like it’s for the best that she wasn’t in your bridal party, but I guess she is now. So

Christa Innis: I know. Well, and my whole thing is like, I get, you know, maybe wanting to help and like see the ring like. But it’s also knowing when no is no, and knowing the boundaries. And so like the fact that they went in searching for the ring, I’m just like, where’s the boundary? So it sounds like he was probably still living at home maybe.

And they knew he hid it in his room or something. I would be mortified. I would be like, do you not understand what no

Cora Lakey: means? Cool. And what’s so scary about that is you think of the future and you want your husband to protect you. Especially, you know, they, that is true. Like they are the line between, you know, those communication issues and they’re supposed to filter everything and kind of keep the peace.

And if this is already happening where you guys are bending over for your in-laws, what’s gonna happen to you? Have kids like, yeah. Are they gonna be weird and put your kid in clothes that you’re not comfortable with? You know? Or like post pictures of them online, if you’ve said no, like, stuff like that, it’s like, mm-hmm.

What, what are those boundaries? And you know. I understand giving in now and trying to keep the peace, but to whoever you are listening to this, just keep this in mind in the back of your head for when you have kids.

Christa Innis: Yeah. I literally just read something because in my like newsletters, I like putting in like little tips for people.

I literally just read something about boundaries and it said, if you start slipping on your boundaries, that’s like letting the other person know, like you’re easy to like cave. So even if it’s a small thing, like you’re like, oh, you can, okay, sure you can come to my wedding, because they kept pushing and they were angry and they were rude about it.

That’s showing that in the future that if I just keep asking or if I just keep telling them, then they’ll say yes to me. So yeah, it’s like who knows what other boundaries they will cross. That is

Cora Lakey: so true. Yeah. I think it’s a good lesson for anyone listening that’s maybe in a similar situation and maybe, yeah, like I think a lot of women, like you said earlier, have people pleasing tendencies and maybe we need to break that cycle.

Yes. It’s not a bad thing.

Mother-in-Law Drama Over the Wedding Guest List

Christa Innis: I agree. I agree. Um, okay. It says something else occurred when we were looking for venues. We invited our mothers to come along with us and to go to lunch. After we looked at a few, our first visit, we knew that it was not the one and had to make an obligatory, obligatory small talk to we could politely decide, um, to decline and leave.

The coordinator asked how many people we were thinking of, and I said, around 100. Well, my future mother-in-law’s face just fell. And her whole demeanor changed. She suddenly said she wasn’t staying and stocked off. We had no idea what happened. We called her after to see if she was still meeting us for lunch and to see more venues.

I don’t remember if she said it curtly or not, but she said no. Um, oh yeah. I don’t remember if she said curtly and No, or she just didn’t answer either way. Several days passed, maybe even a week. She refused to speak to my husband. Wait, just for saying they were, they were inviting a hundred people. Oh. It came out that she was furious.

We were only inviting 100 people. Like communicate. She,

Cora Lakey: yeah, she wanted all her friends there and she knew that wasn’t gonna happen. Ew. But it’s

Christa Innis: like to not even say like, oh, you’re only inviting a hundred, like. I was hoping I could blah, blah, blah. Like she didn’t even like try to communicate. That’s the problem is like, she just was like, I’m gonna leave and ignore you.

Cora Lakey: No, they sound like a very emotionally immature family and I feel like that’s just something to note for yourself in the future because you’re going, like, it’s guaranteed you’re going to have boundary issues with them in the future, like. They sound like very challenging in-laws, and I think it brings up another conversation of accepting money for your wedding.

Mm-hmm. So we made a very conscious decision not to accept money from our in-laws for our wedding. They. We’re very insistent about certain things. So we’re like, okay, you can cover our engagement party or you can cover part of our rehearsal dinner before the actual wedding event. No money, because I did not want anyone to have a say in our wedding.

Like that was something I was very firm about. And that’s something you need to weigh the pros and the cons of is if you are accepting money from your in-laws, you’re technically accepting some of their wishes. And that includes if they wanna have their friends there, you know you’re gonna feel obligated to have your mother-in-law’s, five best friends that you’ve never met if she’s paying for half the wedding or she’s paying for the whole wedding.

Mm-hmm. So way the pros and cons of. Is it worth having a smaller wedding that I am 100% in control of that I can actually afford? Or are you okay with these boundary issues? But it kind of sounds like you’re not

Christa Innis: Yeah, 100%. Because you can be really firm with someone saying like, no, your money does not mean this, but they’re still gonna hold it over your head.

They’re still like certain people, um, they’re gonna be like, well, I’m paying for the open bar, so that means I get to bring all these people. Um, yeah, it’s, or I can drink as much as I

Cora Lakey: want, act like a fool. And you’re like, no, you can’t.

Christa Innis: Yeah, please don’t. There’s, there’s so much discussion around like, pay because, and it’s funny ’cause when I repurpose and like post videos on different platforms, different platforms have different feelings about it.

Um, and you could probably guess which ones, but there’s one that, there was a story where, um, the mother-in-law offered to pay for. The bride’s bouquet and the bride wanted a very specific thing, and the mother-in-law was like, oh, that’s really expensive. And she’s like, I’m happy to pay the difference. Or she’s like, the bride was like, I will pay for it.

Like, it’s okay. I understand you wanted to help. I’ll pay for it. Mother-in-law law was like, no, no, no, don’t worry about it. I offered the mother-in-law then called the B the um, flower shop changed it, so she didn’t know until the wedding and was mortified. She was like, I, this is not what I wanted. I always envisioned whatever flowers and the Cummins on one platform are mixed.

People are like, well, she, the mother-in-law paid for it, so she should be able to do whatever she wants. I’m like, no, she gave it out. Yeah. I’m just like, how is

Cora Lakey: it even a discussion? Yeah, like sometimes people insist like my in-laws like, so like, I’ll give you an example. Like my family is no Christmas presents.

We’ve just always been that way. Like it’s just not a thing in my family. My mother-in-law loves Christmas, would insist on buying Christmas presents and so I would feel obligated to match her energy. You know, like financial stuff is very murky and you know, I felt kind of uncomfortable with that because my family was just so not into that.

But I wanted to make her happy. But I also felt pressure because I was like, well, you’re doing this for me. I have to do it for you. So it’s like. Again with the boundary, things you need to assert your boundaries and way if you’re okay with uncomfortable things like that happening. But also, what’s wrong with the florist?

Like why aren’t they telling the bride that’s so messed up?

Christa Innis: Yes. Why? Like that, that, yeah, that was another thing is like people were like, why would the florist change it? The girl that sent it to me, it happened like 25 years ago. ’cause all these people were like, this didn’t actually happen. The florist wouldn’t do it.

And she’s like, no, it happened 25 years ago. It’s because the ma, the mother-in-law’s name was on it. Like she’s the one that signed it or whatever. And it’s her credit card information or I don’t, something like that. It’s crazy.

Cora Lakey: But also through following you, I have been shocked by how professional unprofessional vendors are.

The wedding dress designer, like so many people, it’s like, whatcha doing? You know? Yeah.

Christa Innis: Yeah, I, I’m always, I say like I’m always and never shocked at the same time because in general I’m still shocked about these stories, but I’m also like, it’s crazy. Like nothing truly surprises me ’cause I’m just like, these stories are just like ongoing.

Cora Lakey: Oh, I feel like I learned through working in events, like one of my mentors told me this, humans are the only unpredictable element. Oh yeah. It was so helpful. And like, especially dealing with a divorce now, like I’ve been so disappointed in people’s behavior and you know, people who said, I love you, I would die for you overnight.

Like, I’m dead to them. So it’s really interesting because, you know, I never would’ve, I would’ve been shell-shocked by that, right? Like before mm-hmm. Working in the vets industry. But because I recognize like human beings are just so unpredictable and like, we just have to accept that in every station of life, whether that’s personal things, weddings, divorces, you know, at work, like whatever it is.

Like if you just have no expectations of people, like it really helps you process when these crazy, dramatic things happen because it can like be so emotionally heavy. You know, you want your wedding today day to be a specific way, and like you have such a vision and then someone does something like that, you know, it’s so calculated and hurts you, it’s understandable to be hurt by that.

But if you just take a step back and you’re like, okay, you know what? Like people are just so unpredictable. Like, I can’t control this. It, it makes you feel so much better about things.

Christa Innis: Yeah. No, that’s a really good, really good point to have because I was just saying something my husband the other day. I don’t remember what, well, I don’t remember what it was, but there was something, and I was just like, this is why like over the years, like I’ve kind of just turned into like, not like a hermit, but like I just don’t get as emotionally involved in things as much because I’m just like, I, like I used to take things so personally, not saying I don’t about some things, but like, or so like emotional and I’m just like, people will, people, Mel

Cora Lakey: Robin says, yeah, yeah, for what we do.

Like we’ve heard it all, you know. So you can’t care what people think.

Christa Innis: Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I’ve had to like stop reading comments ’cause there’s certain people that are just like, so mean and Oh my gosh. And so like my husband will know immediately. He’ll be like, what did you read today? And I’m just like.

Nothing. He’s like, what did you read? And I’m like, well, this person said this and this. And he’s like, stop reading the comments. I’m like,

Cora Lakey: what? Nina’s comment you’ve gotten that you remember?

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Um, well, someone told me once, and this is why sometimes I stutter when I’m reading. Someone told me once that, um, I, what’s the word they used?

She was like, you need to, you should practice reading before you put, you film yourself because you sound, um, oh. What’s the word for not now I’m gonna sound dumb. Um, like you’re, you can’t, like, you sound like you can’t read or you don’t know how to, you’re illiterate. That’s what she said. She said, you sound illiterate because you can’t read on camera.

Um, I’ve had people say, um, I didn’t add for something once, and they said, um, I’m a, like, I’m selling out.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God.

Christa Innis: I was like, do you know how many I like turned down like, I barely do ads. Barely. And I was just like, really? I was like, I do things to like help brides, um, or you know, people, but Yeah. Um, I get mean ones on YouTube a lot.

Like they’ll say like, I’m like. Talking too much. I’m like, well, don’t watch it.

Cora Lakey: Oh my God. Yeah. YouTube is ruthless. Like YouTube shorts is a dark place on the internet. It’s like Twitter almost. I was shocked. Like when you have a video go viral on there. Good luck. It’s, it’s not pretty.

Christa Innis: Yeah. YouTube, I probably, I like stopped reading ’cause like this girl like ripped me apart and won one time.

Yeah. I’m so

Cora Lakey: sorry. That’s okay.

Christa Innis: I can laugh about it now.

Cora Lakey: It’s good. It’s good. Dinner table fodder. Is that what they say?

Christa Innis: Yeah. I usually need like a good week and then I’ll be like, fine. Yeah. Um, like, and, and the, and I I think it goes back to the people pleaser thing, right? Where I, I want to reply so that they either like understand me or they feel bad that they said it.

And there has been, weirdly enough, there’s been two circumstances where I’ve replied to like a mean comment. I. And they’ve actually messaged me and they’ve, they’ve been like, I’m actually really sorry. I said that. And I thought about like sharing it to be like, Hey guys, see, it does help, but I don’t know.

Um, yeah, one lady said like, I’m sorry, I was having a really bad day. I don’t know why I criticized you like that. Um, I think she like criticized how I talked or I said a word wrong or something. And she’s like, oh, I should have never said that. And another person apologized to, so then there’s like this people pleaser in me that I’m like, I want them to like see that I like, this is why I did something, or this is like why I do this kind of content.

And, but then I’m like, I can’t explain myself to everybody. It’s not Did it

Cora Lakey: make you feel better when they messaged you or was it just like, oh, okay. You

Christa Innis: know, ah, that’s a good question. I think it made me feel better, I think because I was like, you know what? Everyone’s allowed to have a bad day. Um, it just kind of sucks that they.

Felt the need like to come online. But my thing is that anyone that bullies online is probably dealing with something very bad in life, or they’re just an upset person. Like

Cora Lakey: yeah,

Christa Innis: like

Cora Lakey: humanizing the trolls is the best way to go about it. I think like whenever, whenever I’m having a really bad day online, ’cause my videos go viral on the wrong side of TikTok all the time.

I dunno why. I’ll literally go somewhere crowded. So I’ll go to like Whole Foods when it’s four o’clock after work or something, or like five o’clock, and I’ll look at all the people around me and be like, okay, I’m seeing these real human beings face to face. Like, do I care what these people think about me?

Like, would I care right now if, you know, if I was telling my story to them face to face, would they have the same reaction as these people online? Probably not. Mm-hmm. Because you know, when you’re a real human being and you see a human being face to face, like you aren’t as critical and you aren’t as harsh.

And I think sometimes, you know, the trolls. You know, they think that the people on the other end of the camera are robots. They’re not real people. Mm-hmm. And vice versa, I’m like, this is just a bot troll. Like this isn’t a real person. And then I’m like, wait, this is like a real person that, you know, potentially is going through something horrible or maybe there’s something wrong with them.

And like, it’s not my place to figure out what their problem is. Yeah. And I just have to,

Christa Innis: yeah. I saw something the other day where it was like, other people, and I’ve heard this before, I just needed a refresher. It was like, other people’s opinions of you is none of your business. And I was like, yes.

Because the internet opens us up to everyone’s opinion. Right. And it’s like you, we never used to get that. Like, if I had put something out in the universe before, like if I wrote something or if I acted in something, I wouldn’t know what everyone’s thought was. But now it’s like people put their every thought out there, and it really isn’t our business to know.

Like, if someone thinks we’re garbage or like we don’t know what we’re talking about, like. I don’t know. We have to like block it out a little bit.

Cora Lakey: It’s so true. And like it’s understandable to care. Like your brain is not supposed to know all of these opinions about you. You know? Like, especially I think you’re only supposed to interact with like 10 people, like in a week.

I forget what the statistic is, but like, if you’re looking at like, you know, your normal circle of people, your friends, your family, your coworkers, like knowing their opinions, it makes sense. Like it’s normal. You’re interacting with them every day. Well then you amplify that by hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people.

It’s like, it’s not normal for your brain to be able to compute what all these randos are thinking about you. So like it’s so normal to care. Mm-hmm. But it’s how you respond to it that makes all the difference, I feel like.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I’m constantly learning of like how to like respond to people like that.

Cora Lakey: You got this?

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. Um, back to this story. Okay. Another thing, we asked our families for their list of guests well in advance so we could stay on top of things and keep within the budget. My mother-in-law said she was working on it. No problem. We had time weeks, and then a couple of months go by.

We realized she hadn’t given us anything at all. Once again, my husband asked for her list. She said she was working on it. More weeks go by again. We realized we still had nothing from her. So we decide next time to see her in person. We would ask her again. She blew us off again. Weeks go by and we went to visit her and this time we asked if we could just go through her address book.

See, I feel like they’re giving her way too many chances. I would be like, after two times of asking, that’s it. Sorry. Like you’re so scared of

Cora Lakey: her.

Christa Innis: Yes, I know. I’m like, I feel like it’s just. You always wonder, like a lot of times, like the brides write the story and so I’m like, is the groom like feeling like he’s in the middle or she’s trying to appease him still?

Like what’s, I dunno what’s happening here. they asked if we could look at her address book. She came and took the thing away. So that was a no. Okay. Then I’d be like, then you’re not getting a list.

Cora Lakey: No. Yeah. What’s

Christa Innis: the problem?

Cora Lakey: Three strikes and you’re out.

Christa Innis: Yeah. My husband ended up coming up with his own list of people.

His mom might wanna invite why and ran it by her she still wouldn’t give up addresses. He spent hours using dial up internet to find addresses. See why is

Cora Lakey: so weird?

Christa Innis: I feel like they’re being too nice. I’d be like, okay, if you don’t send us a list, then you’re not gonna have anyone to invite. Yeah.

Cora Lakey: You have X date.

This is due. The venue needs it. We need to send out postage.

Christa Innis: Yeah, it’s not

Cora Lakey: by this date, you’re not getting invites. It’s so simple.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Because she’s already basically telling you, without telling you that it’s not a priority. It’s not important to her, or she just doesn’t wanna invite anybody

Cora Lakey: that’s beg her for a

Christa Innis: list.

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like that’s where I wanna know like, how much is the mother-in-law paying, like if she, is she paying for a hundred percent of the wedding? Because that makes a big difference. Mm-hmm. Like that’s why she can act this way and kind of do what she wants on her own timeline because if she’s paying for it, that makes sense.

If she’s not paying for anything, it’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like why are you letting her walk all over you? You know? Yeah.

Mother-in-Law Ruins Wedding Day with One Comment!

Christa Innis: Well, and in the beginning for her to act so mad about the a hundred people comment, but then never communicate. It’s because I wanna invite more people or because, oh, I thought you’d have a bigger wedding.

Like nothing. She just is like being like sour and just being passive aggressive with everything, which is just like, okay, I don’t like it. I don’t get it. Okay. almost at the end here. Sorry, we’re kinda running over. okay. Which leads us to. I completely forgot about this part until one of your skits took me right back.

This leads me to the ceremony, which I thought went great. My husband seemed a tad odd, maybe a bit preoccupied, not runaway. Grew and Preoccupied or anything. It was just hard to pinpoint.

Right after the ceremony, we were getting our picture taken and he informed me that as he was walking his mom in, she told him that she hated his vest.

So he spent our ceremony self-conscious. She did that on purpose.

Cora Lakey: okay. I feel like we need to have a conversation about overbearing mother-in-laws because I’m worried for this girl. Yeah. Like, this is such a long story of like point by point, by point, all these aggressions from your mother-in-law,

Christa Innis: uh, and how controlling or conniving is it to do it right before you’re walking down?

Cora Lakey: Yeah. Like,

Christa Innis: you know, you’re gonna get in his head. And just like almost remind him of like, I’m your mother, this is where I stand.

Cora Lakey: I think like, too, we wanna give people the benefit of the doubt. Like sometimes they say things that are, off the cuff or maybe thoughtless that you’re like, okay, maybe they were just being, thoughtless in that moment.

Or maybe they’re dumb. Like whatever. Like, but no, like, something I’ve really accepted recently is like, we’re all adults and adults are intentional and they are taught to think before they speak. And an adult woman made an intentional choice to make an aggressive comment to make your husband uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm. And that seems like, yeah, you’re right. It’s asserting dominance. And especially like, I think in the wedding ceremony, the tradition part, right? Like it’s like his family. And then there’s a transition where he becomes your family. So then they become the extended family and you’re the immediate family.

And it sounds like she recognized that was happening in a few minutes and wanted to put one last dig in.

Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Gross. I don’t know girl.

Cora Lakey: I’m kind

Christa Innis: of

Cora Lakey: worried about you.

Christa Innis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. she said it was mostly covered up by his tux jacket and you couldn’t even really see it. So there you go. and the last thing, two to three years later, so they’ve been married few years.

Oh, well actually I don’t know how long this story happened though, but my sister-in-law got married and my husband was a groomsman. I was not sat with the family, nor was I in a single one of her wedding pictures. That is so intentional. Even after they added the sister in the wedding.

Cora Lakey: My god, this family is so immature and petty and just protect yourself.

Like I feel so bad. Like we need an update also. Yeah. what’s going on now? Because I feel like, yeah, these couldn’t be isolated incidents.

Christa Innis: No, I know. I wanna like reach out to her and be like, how long ago was this? What update do we have? Can we get more to this? Because that is, I mean, I have so many questions too, like what ended up happening with the guests?

Was she still mad? ’cause they stuck to a hundred people. What’s his sister-in-law’s deal? They allowed her to come in the wedding and then she still is like, mm-hmm. Despite you, I’m not gonna have you in the wedding and not even sat with the. So

Cora Lakey: weird. Why, like, did you watch Secret Lives of Mormon wives?

Yes. It sounds like Jen Affleck and her in-laws, like how they were so glowing and nice to the one and then to her, they’re just so dismissive.

Christa Innis: It’s just so sad. Like it’s like that. mother-in-law or in-law thing where they like picture a certain person to be married to their son and when they don’t meet their expectations, they treat them a different way.

But I’m like, he’s made his choice. He’s an adult. Like he chose this person to marry. She’s now a part of the family. But I also, as the husband, I wanna be like, you need to back up your wife first. Not saying he’s not, but to see that she’s not set with the family, I would be like, mortified.

Why Isn’t He Defending His Wife?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, let’s talk about the husband.

not to sound like Kim Richards, but what, like, why is he not defending you? Like mm-hmm. That really bothers me because your husband is supposed to protect you. Why is he not doing that? Like, if my husband did not say, you better change the seat right now. Like, I would be so upset. Like, you don’t wanna like force someone to do something they’re not comfortable with, but I’m making broad assumptions here.

It sounds like he’s the only boy in the family and they’re very protective of him and cuddle him maybe. And maybe he needs to step it up and protect his wife, you know? Yeah. It’s like, no, like your wife should be the most important person in your life. You needed to do things to make her comfortable. And it sounds like he’s not asserting boundaries with his family.

Christa Innis: no. That’s where I got in the beginning when they like just started searching for the ring that he was like still living at home. And so they had that control over him of like, you know what, you’re still a boy living with mom and your dad and sister or whatever. And so we’re gonna tell you how to do things.

I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I don’t know. Maybe wrong girl. What one girl? Yes. Okay. I know we’re a little over time, so I’ll uh, do this last little thing with you and then we’ll, so this is our weekly confessions. So I’m gonna read confessions that people sent over to me and, we’ll just, we’ll react to them.

Okay. This one says, my in-laws wanted me to lie to their friends why they didn’t go to their wedding. And I told them the truth. Why?

Cora Lakey: Well, yeah, why are they putting you in that position? That is weird. We need more information here. Like, why do you know these

Christa Innis: people? I’d be like, I’m not, so she or she or he, I don’t know, but they were like told to like, lie about something.

But like in-laws are like grown adults. I don’t know. That’s weird. this person says, I hated my mother’s dress at my wedding. Couldn’t even fake it when she showed it to me. Aw. Oh no, that’s bad. Well,

Cora Lakey: whatever makes her feel pretty though. Because you know, a lot of people hate the bride’s wedding dress and it’s like no one should care, but the bride, and I think the same goes with your mother-in-law or your mom.

Like as long as she feels pretty, who cares? Like Exactly. Everyone’s only looking at you anyway. No one cares about anyone else.

Christa Innis: Yeah. As long as she’s not wearing a white wedding gown as the mother of the bride, its fine. Yeah, exactly. This last one says, I secretly don’t want to take anyone with me when I go wedding dress shopping.

And I’m gonna say, you don’t have to take anybody with you. It might be better to go by yourself if it might be overwhelming. I think that’s so

Cora Lakey: valid. And that is a hot take I have is like, I’ve never understood why wedding dress shopping is such a big deal, and like why we have to make it a production.

Mm-hmm. ’cause you wanna make sure that you are not being influenced by any other opinions. Yeah. And you feel you’re most beautiful and it’s really hard to do with other people. Like, I don’t know, like, especially like as women, it’s natural, we’re self-conscious about our bodies and like, I don’t want people to see me changing in and out of dresses or like get their opinion on my hips and my boobs and my butt.

Like, no, like So do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and like sometimes your friends, bring that confidence out in you. Mm-hmm. And that’s great if you want them there. Like, I had people there, but at the same time, like. I, feel like it’s weird to have so much pressure around that.

Yes. Because it takes like 10 plus appointments. Like I know people who went to like, Emily Dato for example. Like she went to so many different appointments and she didn’t bring anyone and she’s a badass influencer. So successful. So like who

Christa Innis: cares? Yeah, exactly. Like you have to listen to what makes sense for you and what you’re comfortable with because if you’re hearing so many opinions and you know you’re gonna be influenced based on those, don’t invite them or do like a secret dress shopping just by yourself first.

You know what kind of style you like or pick it out first and just pretend like you can’t find anything with anybody else. Whatever you need to do to protect your piece.

Cora Lakey: Yeah,

Christa Innis: I love

Cora Lakey: that.

Christa Innis: Well, awesome. I know we went over a little bit, but I just wanna say thank you so much for coming on. It was so fun hanging out with you and like chatting and you so many good hot takes and opinions.

Yeah. I forgot we were recording halfway through. I’m like, oh yeah. I feel like I’m chatting with a

Cora Lakey: friend.

Christa Innis: I know. Me too. I know. It was fun to kind of just like. Go with the flow and just see what happens. well thank you so much for coming on. That was so much fun. Can you tell everyone where they can follow you and anything you’re currently working on?

Cora Lakey: Yeah, so you can follow me on TikTok Cora Lakey, and my Instagram is Cora Bry line, my ex-husband’s last name. I’m trying to change it so hopefully I’ll have Cora Lakey across the board. yeah. And right now I am just going through a lot of life changes. I am moving into my starting over apartment and I dunno, maybe we can do a different episode about divorce because that’s a whole other topic.

But yeah, stay tuned. Life updates coming.

Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, sounds good. Thank you so much.

by Christa Innis

Blog Transcript:

From 60 Weddings to Choosing Balance

POTS, Passing Out, and Pushing Through

Wedding Etiquette Under the Microscope

5AM Glam or Lipstick in the Car

The Bounced Check Wedding Nightmare

‘I Know the Owner’ Energy

Wedding Confessions & Regrets

Blog Transcript:

The Wedding FAQ That Sparked a Storm

Why Women Aren’t Allowed to Set Boundaries at Weddings

The Plus One Controversy

Post-Pandemic Wedding Drama

Kids at Weddings: A Divisive Topic

The Engagement Ring Reveal Gone Wrong

Mother-in-Law Drama Over the Wedding Guest List

Mother-in-Law Ruins Wedding Day with One Comment!

Why Isn’t He Defending His Wife?

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